WEBVTT

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be in a program like this. So hi, this is Men's Heartwork check-in.

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October 20th, 2025. We were just talking about how Jackie's program is really unique with the

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heart healing and how it's important to have commonality in your framework according to dating

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like stage one, stage two, stage three, stage four, and stage five. That helps out hugely.

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And just the fact that you get the tools to actually do the heart work and do that. And so

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so gentlemen, Stephan, that's right. Yeah. I always want to call you Stephen, but it's Stephan,

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right? Welcome. Thank you. That's great. Thank you. Good to be back.

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And we're joined with James.

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So how about you guys? We got some wins, some cool things to share,

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some testimonies to grab onto, some hope to look at.

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No, I can't. I was going to, I was hopefully going to bring something that was exciting to

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you guys this week, but I can't. No. All right. Maybe that I was, I was, that I've been seeing

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for the last two years, it's been 20, 25 months now. And I had an opportunity being with her

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brother, my brother-in-law and sister, sister yesterday. I went to their place just to find

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more information because, you know, you don't take the person you're dating face value. You

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talk to their family, you talk to people that really know them. Yeah. That's so important

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to remember that when you're dating is only because it's telling one side of the story.

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There's a lot more, especially if they're from a divorce or something in the past,

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because their families can tell you a lot more that the skeletons that are going, you can ask

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the question, what skeletons are in her life? What is it that the family may, if she's not

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telling me that's actually in there, what does she like? And in doing so you are opening yourself

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up to much more information and understanding because when you don't understand why the girl

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you're dating, it does a certain thing. Well, the family knows and they can fill in the gaps.

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And I received that last night by the, by the family meeting with the family. And they were

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more than happy by the way, to meet with me. A lot of people won't do it because they figure,

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they're prying. No, no, they're actually helping you in this. They actually told me, then get this

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guys. I, we went on a date with them several weeks ago. And at the very end, the brother-in-law told

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me, we're more afraid of for you than for her. Well, that, that, that caused something within

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me to say, well, I've got to find out more information. So it's taken me this long.

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So I asked them, what was that about? And they simply says, is because you know how to love

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super, almost supernaturally. You can love her unconditionally. She is not like that.

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And we're more afraid for you that you're going to be caught into a, into a situation with her

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that you're going to be so disappointed in the end. And so I appreciated that because, you know,

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they, they saw the value that I had by just the few days of only seeing me and how well I've

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treated her and looked after her. And they're more concerned about me than their own sister.

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And so that was a, that was a bonus for me, but it does come to me once they started explaining to

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me who Kathy was, how the family dynamics were, how their mom and dad were. But coming from a

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perspective, it opened my eyes to many things that Kathy's not going to be able to change.

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She's just not able to, because that runs in the family. I've learned things in how I can

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handle her a little bit better. That's almost wrong word handler. So I can grow with her,

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help her grow, but she's going to want to grow. So it's it's so once I learned what I learned about

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not speaking more about her, but to say that now I know I'm going to make a decision. Do I want to

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continue on in a relationship that this, I may not get the things that I need in my life. Am I

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settling? There's the second thing. Am I settling for something that I could have had something

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better? And I've got to settle that within my own heart over the next couple of weeks and, and,

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and learn how to discover new things with her. So I just wanted to share that tonight.

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Well, and may the Lord give you wisdom and clarity on that and show you and may you see

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it clearly. So I know you're, you're looking at it objectively, which is amazing. But like,

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may you hear his voice on it too, in Jesus name. Hey, Mr. Tim. Hey, Mr. Joshua. So Kenton was

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talking about how, well, I'm going to, I'm going to use my own wording, but like, when you get a

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chance, like when you marry,

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somebody, you marry their family as well. And it's good to get a

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chance to interview the family. Well, I don't know, I don't let

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them know I'm interviewing them, but I do come in with, you know,

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subtly, but, and the fact that their family, Kenton, that her

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family is was so, so openly, like, said it clearly, I'm like,

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that's, that's, that's, it's like, hey, at least you can see

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it heads up. And that's the thing, guys, is one of the keys

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in relationships is, before you enter into a relationship, you

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want to be like, okay, so here's the, here's the goods, the

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bads, the uglies. And am I okay with this? You know, like, and

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if it stands, and you're okay with it, then you can proceed

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forward. But if there's things where you're like, well, if they

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change this, that's a that's a no fly zone. Right? Because you

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can't go into a relationship expecting somebody to change,

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because then you're, and most people do, right? Or, or

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actually, let me phrase it, a lot of people do. This guy was

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one of them. So I can tell you, like, and it doesn't. And if

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it's not handled before you get into a relationship, it's kind

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of challenging, because they become the way they are. Well,

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okay. If they're in their 20s, that's one thing. But like, a

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lot of the us were, well, I'm a little later on, people get

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fairly established and changes heart. So if they haven't

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changed by their 40s, they're probably pretty set in their

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patterns, not that they can't change, but you can't get into a

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relationship expecting them to change.

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Does that make sense is that if they won't change before they're

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you're married, they won't change after that's a very true

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statement. Yes. You got to go into relationships, opened, open

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your eyes, gentlemen, open your eyes to what's actually

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happening, get the starry eyes, situate syndrome out of your

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eyes, and ask the harder questions, but working with the

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family, and you're going to call it interview, that's not a bad

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little thing, you know, intervene, because that's where

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you're actually there to discover. If you're going to get

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involved with somebody who's got who's been divorced, or even you

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can ask them, how did they treat their, their other spouse at

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that time, and the family will actually surprise you by being

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very truthful, and not always on their sister's or brother's

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side, they're going to be honest, they're gonna say, well,

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this is the reason we think that they're that relationship fell

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apart. And if that, like I, for Kathy, they told me something

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that what she did with with her last husband, and she's still

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doing it today. And that one really opened my eyes, it wasn't

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something that she, because she says one thing, well, they say

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something different. I have to wait very carefully, of course.

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But if you've seen the same pattern, then you can almost

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guarantee that that's going to continue going on, and you're

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not going to be able to change that. So either you have to

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accept that, or you have to say no, this is something I can't

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it's, it's, it's too big for me. I don't want to go into the rest

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of my relationship having to do with this, because if the

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relationship is frustrating, there's a big key right there.

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If you're frustrated over certain things, that those are

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things you need to keep your eyes open to, and find out why

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you're frustrated. Because it might be your problem, it might

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be their problem. And it might be something you can't change.

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And so you got to make a decision. At that point, will I

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want to continue on with this relationship and live with it

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the rest of my life? And I'm saying, gentlemen, don't live

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with that. Don't don't do that. You know, if it's something that

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is really bothering you, it's going to bother you forever.

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It doesn't get better the bothering if it starts out early

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and it's bothering you. It's not it's just going to get

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bigger. David, I see you. One sec. But um, but also you guys

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when you're in relationship with somebody, not only what you're

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seeing what you're hearing, and families, some of them have axes

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to grind. So you really have to determine like whether the but

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like Kent was saying, he's seen a pattern and he's actually

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experienced that pattern. Well, that's pretty, that's pretty,

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you know, you got to two things corroborating it. And like you

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do either accept it or you you just kibosh it. But also you

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listening, feel feel your body. Do I feel like I am at peace

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with this person? Am I anxious? I mean, if you're always

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anxious, and you're anxious with that person, then well, that's

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not them. Well, potentially, right. But like, if but you're,

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but listen to your body, because your body is going to be telling

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you the things that this thing isn't, or that maybe your

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glasses are a little rose colored, you know, and so it's

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kind of key. And once again, not these things, even if that's

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a problem, you can look at it. And then say, Okay, is this

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something? Is this me? Is it? Or is it something that's

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acceptable? Maybe a difference of opinion? You know, like, or

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like, can I deal with it? Or, because for me, like the first

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guy, first time I dated back, when I started dating

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again after my divorce, I was triggered the whole date, right?

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And it had nothing to do with her. It had everything to do with me.

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So if I would have put that on her, but it gave me good information.

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So if what you're feeling is information, what you hear from their, you know,

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you know, like Ken said, you know, we see this rose colored glasses, these starry eyes.

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We're like, oh, she's beautiful and amazing and everything's great.

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And then you're like, there's 43 red flags.

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But who needs, who cares about those?

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Because everything else is glorious until about a year into it.

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And you're like, oh, those red flags are strangling me.

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Anyways.

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All right.

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Mr. Mr. Wright, sir.

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What did, what did you, you had a hand raise?

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Yeah.

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So mine, sorry, one second.

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I'm just going to clear my throat.

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So mine kind of piggybacks off of Kenton's thing.

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So I've been seeing Evelyn for about, like, we've been talking for nine weeks.

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We've been like seeing each other for eight weeks now.

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And it's been going really great, you know, and I'm rewiring my brain.

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So I used to be someone who loved like high risk, high reward, high intensity,

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high drama relationships, right?

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The push and pull.

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And I'm someone who's securely attached.

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But I love, I'm a bit of a daredevil and I love that like uncertainty.

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And, but with Evelyn, I've been trying to do it different, right?

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I've been trying to rewire my brain, you know, counting the wins, but really just in a different

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headspace.

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And, you know, I'm going slow and I'm just saying, hey, you know what, like I'm getting

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used to someone who's calm, who's understanding, who, you know, isn't, there isn't that like

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high highs, low lows.

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It's just kind of consistent.

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And it's been awesome.

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Except here comes the problem is that she found out recently that I was referred to

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in the program through someone who I used to date named Phoebe.

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And Evelyn has become obsessed with Phoebe.

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She asks about Phoebe every single day, every time.

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Did you say day?

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You said day?

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Day.

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Every day she asks about Phoebe.

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And, you know, and so, and I just said to her, I said, look, you know what, I'm trying

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really hard to build something together.

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And I said, the minute you bring up my past, I said, that stops me from moving forward.

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And that puts me back in the past.

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And she said, well, you're stuck in a loop.

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And I said, right.

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I said, but every time you keep reintroducing someone who I used to date, that pulls the

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energy off of you and me.

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And now it's you, me and Phoebe.

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And Phoebe was a lovely person.

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Yep.

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Sorry, man.

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So how long ago was Phoebe?

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Phoebe was like right before I entered the program.

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And so that was like six months ago, maybe?

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Has it been about six months?

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I'm terrible with time.

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Yeah, yeah, that's okay.

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I came in July.

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Well, I mean, and so, well, so I hear what you're saying.

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So she, so she's obviously riled up about her, right?

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So, and she's, so you're looping it.

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And how is that?

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So it is, so it's your pre, I just wanted some context to the whole thing to make sure.

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So it's your previous relationship.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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And so for me, like, I would say Phoebe and I were probably like level two, level three,

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because we were talking for two months.

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For Phoebe, it was only level one.

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And she was a lovely human being, super kind.

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She was the one who suggested me to the heart work.

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And, but she just wasn't really that interested in me.

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Totally fine.

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And, and I haven't talked to her really in two months or like, you know, like I haven't

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talked to her at all.

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I don't really have communication with her.

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And I've kind of, I've really moved on from that in a sense.

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Like, I think she's a lovely person and no harsh feelings against Phoebe at all.

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But I'm kind of trying to pull away from that push and pull and someone who's more consistent.

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And so, like, for instance, Evelyn and I went to a museum and she said, oh, have you been

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to a museum with someone else before?

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And I said, yeah, I went to one museum in Ottawa with somebody else who I was on a date

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with.

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But, and then she was like, was it Phoebe?

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Was it Phoebe?

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And she said, you know, I think about Phoebe more than I think about you.

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And I, and I just, I said, I said, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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And I said, if you and I are going to be building something together, it needs to be you and

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me.

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And I said, I'm, I said, this is a trust thing for me.

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I said, you know, because now it's like, because I just said to her, because now she's saying,

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well, she feels led by God to reach out to Phoebe.

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And she's texting Phoebe all the time.

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And yeah, and it is like, and it's setting her up with all the boys that she didn't want.

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And she's like, and I just said, look, I can't hear about my ex-girlfriend anymore.

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And like, that's someone who I dated, who I really respect.

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And she said, well, you know, God's told me that I need to reach out to her.

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And I was like, I said, listen, she's got a great community of people who love her that I know,

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you know, I know her best friend, her best friend is awesome. She was my Bible college leader.

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Like she's in great hands. Like she said, well, you know, the Lord told me that I need to tell

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her that we're dating. And in my head, I'm like, that is such a red flag. So I, I'm just kind of

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like pump the brakes a little bit. And I just said, is this a trust issue? I said, because it's just

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to me, it sounds like you're not trusting what I've told you. I said, this doesn't seem like a

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Phoebe issue at all. And this is like, is he telling the truth? Yeah, no, I mean, that's,

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there's a lot. She just has a jealousy element to it as well, too. You got to be careful with that

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one. It's an insecurity. Yeah. And she's, she's anxious, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Attachment. So, so where are you at with that?

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Um, I mean, yeah, it's made me go a bit slower. I think, like, you know, do I see it as not a

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yellow, but as a red flag? Uh-huh. Yeah. And when I when I looked at Josh's face on the screen,

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I was like, that's kind of how I felt internally. I was like, oh, my gosh, like, what is going on,

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Lord? And so, um, because I was like, this was supposed to be the safe one. This was supposed

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to be the safe, secure, going slow. Um, well, the process, the process. Okay, so you're I'm

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really proud of you by doing your process, you guys, like, too often, we get caught up in the

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fireworks and all that stuff. And that's, I mean, like, so I'm really proud of you, David,

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for not being the push pull and all that stuff, the love bond, like back and forth, the high highs,

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you know, so steady is really good. And the good thing about steady being really good is you're not

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so out of out of your mind that you actually can see things. Right. You know, I'm sorry that that's

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she's really got a brokenness there. Right. And so it's and it sounds like you've set good

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boundaries and she doesn't and it sounds like she's blowing through those boundaries. Yes.

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Yeah. And with the guys. And you know what? We're all discerning men here. I'm sorry,

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but if you're going to tell me, oh, God said my radar is going to ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

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red flag. Right. Like if someone says, well, you know, like the God said thing, the God said,

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you know, you guys, I I hear from God a lot. I don't play that ever. Right. Like there's there's

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a lot of things that I will not I will not. And so that's religious manipulation,

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religious manipulation. I got my liners and it's hard to see it sometime.

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Hey, Mr. Stefan, you want to kick it, chime in on this?

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Yes. I was just thinking now in terms of David's question is we don't control anyone else.

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We only control ourselves. So even if you suggest to her, don't she could do that anyway? And I

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would just encourage you to let her if she really wants to. It's not going to she's going to

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scratch that itch, but it's not really going to do anything for her. And I think what Kenton said

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she's probably immature and it'll blow up in her face most probably. And that will just show you

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who she truly is under pressure. And maybe you can walk you guys can walk together through that,

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but maybe not. And that's just then. Well, what it is for her. But it seems quite futile to fight it

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because that's not going to change for her. And yeah, as be at peace, we need to follow peace.

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And if if there isn't peace, then it's sort of a sign. Yeah. And you said you're still in

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phase one. Is that correct? No, no. Sorry. So with with Evelyn, we would I would say we were like

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So we're exclusive. We're seeing each other. We're not at that dating stage yet because

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she sees dating as I'm only going to date someone if we're going to be doing Simbis

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and we're going to be getting engaged. And so, yeah, there's a lot of pressure.

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That's stage four. Yeah. For us, it's stage four. Right. And I would say that stage four, too.

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So, yeah, I'm just kind of going slow and letting my brain rewire. But I really appreciate what you

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were saying, Kenton, and what Stefan was saying as well, because so I actually did that. And I

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just said to her, I said, look, I trust your discernment. And so if you feel that God is

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telling you that, OK, I can't tell you what God has said or hasn't said.

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to you because I'm not God. I'm Dave and Dave is wrong all the time and so I said you know like

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you're free to do that and I said I've told you that it makes me makes me feel a little

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uncomfortable but I'm going to trust your discernment and your discretion and then

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but you know and I've kind of established that but that she can't think for me but that she's

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allowed to think for herself but that her thoughts aren't my thoughts. Yeah. Did she tell you why she

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needed to call? Yes. Was because that she needed to tell Phoebe that I was hers basically because

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her first thing was like oh I'm concerned for her in community and when I said she's got a

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great community of a church and people that love her and she's like well and then the real reason

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was is she needed to tell Phoebe that her and I were in a relationship. That's why. Well that's

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that is a dangerous sign right there. I wouldn't even bother continuing with that relationship

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because she's going to do that to a lot of family members as well to have disrespect for him because

295
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that's what she's doing. She's showing a disrespect towards you and towards her. She doesn't have to

296
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tell anybody. That just naturally should come out and that's a controlling element as well too. So

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watch the control. It's like marking your territory. It's marking territory. It's saying you know and

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like in this total it's completely and it's and the way you've made it if Phoebe had been like

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pinging you even then I don't see it being like because that's your that's you that's on you it's

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not on her right like you know if Phoebe's pinging you then you say hey I'm in another relationship

301
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boom but it has nothing right yeah no and Phoebe's been really respectful and like really kind and

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she's like Phoebe just said you know that she wasn't really interested but she said here's last

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year single it can help you and then maybe you'll meet somebody great so I was like awesome like

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thanks Phoebe like thanks for putting me in a pool of people who love Jesus and a great community

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and you know like that was where we ended it and she's I think you're great and you'll marry

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somebody great Jackie will help you the men are great and so it's been amazing so that's where

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that ended and that's been the communication of that that's where that just ended so I'm sorry

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but I'm I'm glad that you're seeing it and you're I'm glad that you're mentioning it right and that's

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the key about being in community right like Kenton's been done a lot of counseling I've done

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a lot or coaching coaching you know like but and and you can just pray pray that she gets healing

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in that area I mean and she's in a community that hopefully she uses it you know the heartwork and

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all that stuff but I'm really proud of you for actually working the plan rewiring your subconscious

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so you're not attracted to danger and flames and fire right you know and you know like it's it's

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it's hard but like you know 21 days so yeah well I'm proud of you you're doing a great you're

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done even though it's not how it's you would like it to be you've done a great job in it the whole

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way I mean you've actually convicted me on things I'm like wow I really need to step up so yeah

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and what one thing that I found has been really helpful is I've been journaling my wins

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and so I learned it from here but you know every week we go like what are the wins right and so now

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every day I've just been journaling hey what are the wins what a relationship wins and then I'm

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looking back and I'm thinking hey brain look that you're winning every day and I like winning

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right I'm for a house of five boys if you're not first or last Ricky Bobby right like I like to win

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and so every day if I'm if I'm saying I'm winning I'm winning I'm winning I'm like

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oh I'm telling my brain brain this going slow thing is actually working you're winning no you

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are you're crushing it and even seeing red flags even though it doesn't feel like a win is a win

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like you know I mean like not being in stuck in something that's terrible yeah so wow hey

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hey can I just chime in one thing yeah jump in Tim good to see you hey hey David just want to say

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um boy great responses you've been handling the relationship really well you've been articulating

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really well you've been um kind of speaking back you're replying with reason and and your feelings

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and logic but not like I know myself in the past I just like get defensive and get you know like

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escalate and so I just commend you for your really mature handling of this relationship so great

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job yeah thank you Tim I mean like David you've inspired me like so I just like I hope you guys

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I think I don't nobody else but like how he's done how he's worked it how he's done it and

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it's really you guys I applaud you all it's really hard to change your stuff it's hard really hard to

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rewire your mind it's really hard to do all this stuff and I and

335
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That's why I'm here, wanting to help you guys in any way I can possibly do that.

336
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Anybody else have anything, any wins they want to share or anything they want to bring

337
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up?

338
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Thanks for the encouragement, guys.

339
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You bet, David.

340
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Anytime.

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We're here for you, bro.

342
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So Jackie, so, you know, Jackie's, you know, been started this, but Renee Rizzo has been

343
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one of the older, she's one of the OGs, as Jackie called her.

344
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She got married this weekend.

345
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So isn't that amazing?

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Yes, it is.

347
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You know, thank you, Jesus.

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Renee, let me just pray, Lord, you bless Renee's marriage and everything, and may it be greater

349
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than they ever imagined.

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And I just pray that they would synchronize and become one, and that you would just launch

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them into great heights and great bliss, in Jesus' name, amen.

352
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That's actually a good one to talk about, Mike.

353
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Their relationship should help us out and recognize what a good relationship really

354
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turned out and how God had worked it out.

355
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Because as you know from the story from, I think it was Saturday, David was talking about

356
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that a little bit as well, too, and so was Jackie, that she was dating all the wrong

357
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guys, and she was almost settling for the wrong guys, too.

358
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But what came into effect is the moment in which she had made that change in her life,

359
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she was going for that change, what she really wanted to do, and she came into a man that

360
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was exactly who she needed.

361
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She was an intellectual man, a man that was a professor, so he knows how to do all sorts,

362
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but they are so much alike in that realm.

363
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So she had to wait for that right guy.

364
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She didn't settle.

365
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She got some good advice from Jackie and David, and she dodged a few bullets, one might say

366
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that, too, but recognizing how her intellectualness needed another intellectual person, and for

367
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her that was so necessary, and we can't put that one down.

368
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That's why I say when you know your love language, it's much easier to be in love with somebody

369
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who's got the same love languages than they have different ones, especially if you guys,

370
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what are your first ones?

371
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Touch.

372
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If it's touch, and if she's not about touch, she's going to starve you to death, isn't

373
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it?

374
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In so many words, you've got to be really careful of choosing the love language as well

375
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out there.

376
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Be careful.

377
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So, and here's the thing, you guys, physical attraction is the number one thing that people

378
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look at.

379
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They're like, oh, they're hot, right?

380
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You know, but like there's spiritual, there's emotional, there's intellectual, and all three

381
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of those are really freaking important.

382
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You can have the hottest woman and no intellectual attraction, and it's going to last for like

383
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five minutes, and then you're going to be bored out of your mind, and you're going to want

384
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to jump off a bridge, because you're like, I can't carry on a conversation with this

385
00:27:50.420 --> 00:27:52.640
person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, right?

386
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Like, so like, just because she's hot doesn't mean you guys work, right?

387
00:27:55.980 --> 00:28:00.880
You know, pick the hottest one that you connect with on the other language, like the spiritually,

388
00:28:01.960 --> 00:28:03.400
intellectually, don't jump off a bridge.

389
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Just so you see what I'm saying is like, you're like, oh my gosh, what did I do?

390
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Because and that's why, David, it's key to be slow, right?

391
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Because if that physical fire is just like, you're like, who cares about intellectual,

392
00:28:17.640 --> 00:28:18.200
spiritual and emotional?

393
00:28:19.280 --> 00:28:21.040
You should be caring about it.

394
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You should be looking at that.

395
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You should be seeing that.

396
00:28:24.700 --> 00:28:29.080
And you don't attract what you pray for, you attract what you heal from.

397
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So like, if you're not healed, you're not going to be attracted to the things that are

398
00:28:33.220 --> 00:28:34.040
good for you.

399
00:28:34.060 --> 00:28:39.840
And that's why, once again, I'm going to beat this drum until it breaks, if it ever breaks.

400
00:28:39.840 --> 00:28:43.840
But that's why being in here, listening to these guys, going through, getting the stuff,

401
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:46.360
rewiring your subconscious is so important.

402
00:28:46.840 --> 00:28:52.560
And so when somebody with red flags all over, like comes in a red flag dress that's smoking,

403
00:28:52.820 --> 00:28:54.420
you're like, yeah, no, we're good.

404
00:28:54.540 --> 00:28:55.420
We don't need that.

405
00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:57.800
But I like red dresses.

406
00:28:57.940 --> 00:28:58.560
Come on.

407
00:28:58.700 --> 00:28:59.500
I do, too.

408
00:28:59.500 --> 00:29:00.040
You know what?

409
00:29:00.080 --> 00:29:02.020
But like, I married one of those.

410
00:29:02.260 --> 00:29:06.220
And I can tell you that I the end doesn't end super awesome.

411
00:29:06.220 --> 00:29:15.440
But all right, so last week, if you guys have sent me the email from the lady last

412
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:20.940
week, we're going, oh, I need I need to get that, too, because I did anybody get, you

413
00:29:20.940 --> 00:29:22.520
know, I got it.

414
00:29:22.640 --> 00:29:25.660
I can if you give me your emails, I can send it.

415
00:29:25.780 --> 00:29:27.260
Oh, that's amazing, because I didn't get that.

416
00:29:28.560 --> 00:29:35.640
Yeah, so if you guys were in the chat, you guys you guys want you guys need this because

417
00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:39.900
it's it's huge and she was really helpful in her email.

418
00:29:40.120 --> 00:29:44.500
She put it like she like explained how to use it in the tips and she like Christine's.

419
00:29:45.320 --> 00:29:51.520
So if you guys did not see last week, it's it's you have to like there's like, you know,

420
00:29:51.660 --> 00:29:53.060
it's not that I'm going to put something on you.

421
00:29:53.180 --> 00:29:56.500
Go watch it because it was so transformative.

422
00:29:57.480 --> 00:29:59.500
And has anybody done their recording?

423
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.040
I started playing it. I'd like to raise my hand. I was planning on doing it this weekend.

424
00:30:06.360 --> 00:30:11.280
I'm actually going to go back again and watch last week's because I'm going to take better

425
00:30:12.540 --> 00:30:20.580
notes and do all the whole processes. But 21 days to completely change your mind, right?

426
00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:29.640
And so, yeah, it's Christine Sullivan and it was amazing. Well, I've done a lot of attachment

427
00:30:29.640 --> 00:30:36.940
theory, but the way she does it with the neuroplasticity is amazing. David, did you

428
00:30:36.940 --> 00:30:42.900
have something to say? Yeah, I already jumped in. I forgot about all the freebies she gave

429
00:30:42.900 --> 00:30:48.520
us. I already jumped in and probably going to get into her paid program. So I already

430
00:30:48.520 --> 00:30:53.500
had a free appointment for that. So what is it? I mean, I actually would like to do that

431
00:30:53.500 --> 00:31:00.840
too. So what she usually does with her private clients is like, you know, she tries to like,

432
00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:03.800
you know, where do you want to be in a year? Where do you want to be in three years and

433
00:31:03.800 --> 00:31:09.040
then reverse engineer it? But if that's not what you're really looking for, if since we're

434
00:31:09.280 --> 00:31:17.620
in with David and Jackie, then it's more slated towards like artwork kind of angle on it and

435
00:31:17.620 --> 00:31:21.800
working through like different attachment styles, understanding where you're really

436
00:31:21.800 --> 00:31:30.220
at with your attachment style and what it's going to take to get back to a secure attachment

437
00:31:33.460 --> 00:31:40.800
through exercises. I'm pretty sure it's a 12 week program. Yeah, 12 week program and

438
00:31:40.800 --> 00:31:49.560
one hour zoom session. And I don't know the total cost on it, but yeah, because I wasn't

439
00:31:49.560 --> 00:31:56.360
in a place to to start like last week, getting a follow call, follow up call this week to

440
00:31:56.360 --> 00:32:03.240
go forward on it. But I guess that just to say I've been kind of struggling with with

441
00:32:03.240 --> 00:32:09.580
that because I realize like attachment style is so important to know. It's like it's like

442
00:32:09.580 --> 00:32:19.540
a big key that opens up a lot of doors is basically the easiest way I can say it. And

443
00:32:19.540 --> 00:32:28.000
because you seem to shut down and distant and. But you're hurting as well, but the like,

444
00:32:28.260 --> 00:32:33.600
but for me, I know that's because I felt like when I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to

445
00:32:33.600 --> 00:32:39.100
have certain emotions, you know, and I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. And that's extremely

446
00:32:38.980 --> 00:32:46.260
damaging. So it's massively damaging. Yeah, it's like, yeah. And you know, here's the

447
00:32:46.260 --> 00:32:51.560
thing about avoidance, right? OK, so you're talking to an anxious guy and I've dealt with

448
00:32:51.560 --> 00:32:55.500
a lot of avoidance. But you know, the thing that makes me the most sad is that one of

449
00:32:55.500 --> 00:33:02.220
the reasons why they're avoidant is because love has never been safe. There you go. Yeah.

450
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:07.600
And because love has never been safe, when they start feeling loved, they're afraid that

451
00:33:07.600 --> 00:33:12.380
there's a frickin something's going to Hulk smash them and obliterate them or whatever.

452
00:33:12.380 --> 00:33:16.460
And that's why they run. They don't run because they're like, oh, I just want to be chased.

453
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:21.240
They run because they're afraid because love has never been safe. So if you're avoidant,

454
00:33:21.720 --> 00:33:29.420
my heart is broken because, you know, as an anxious person, yeah. Well, I mean, anxious

455
00:33:30.340 --> 00:33:34.080
people do the same thing, though. Like so anxious, the attachment style with the shoe

456
00:33:34.080 --> 00:33:41.700
to drop. So my shoe to drop is, oh, they're going to leave. Right. Versus I'm going to

457
00:33:41.700 --> 00:33:44.300
be hurt. Right. Well, I mean, you're going to be hurt when they leave. But like, you

458
00:33:44.300 --> 00:33:49.000
know, like I got to hold on because they're going to leave and I got to grab. And then

459
00:33:49.000 --> 00:33:55.160
as they grab, they run more. And then it's this whole and anxious usually attached to

460
00:33:55.160 --> 00:34:00.780
or I mean, get in a relationship with avoidance. I mean, it just it's that. And so, you guys,

461
00:34:00.800 --> 00:34:07.100
I don't say this very often, but healing your attachment style other than your love language

462
00:34:07.100 --> 00:34:14.060
is probably the number one thing you can do. Number one thing that you can do to fix

463
00:34:14.060 --> 00:34:19.900
your to to to improve your life and whatever it costs to do that would be priceless. Right.

464
00:34:20.500 --> 00:34:26.000
And I don't know how much it costs. And I'm not and I saw what she was I've done a lot

465
00:34:26.000 --> 00:34:31.580
of this stuff, how we love there's a bunch of different people who deal with attachment

466
00:34:31.580 --> 00:34:37.860
theory. But I like how she integrated the neuroplasticity. I have never seen that. So

467
00:34:38.219 --> 00:34:44.460
bringing neuroplasticity into healing that is is amazing. So I would encourage you look

468
00:34:44.460 --> 00:34:50.100
watch last week. And if you're going to spend your bucks on something, you know, say I don't

469
00:34:50.100 --> 00:34:55.820
know how much it is, but like it'd be money, money well spent investing in yourself. Yeah,

470
00:34:55.820 --> 00:34:59.900
four months is a lot faster with a mentor. It could take you years and years to try to

471
00:34:59.900 --> 00:34:59.980
figure it out.

472
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.600
out yourself. Yeah,

473
00:35:03.260 --> 00:35:09.860
attachment theory. It's, I mean, like healing, some people

474
00:35:09.860 --> 00:35:12.200
don't ever get free of it. So like, if you find somebody who's

475
00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:15.340
really good at it, it's worth paying them to do it. Right? You

476
00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:17.760
know, I don't know about you guys, are you gonna go to the

477
00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:21.240
doctor that doesn't see anybody healed or the guy who is the

478
00:35:21.240 --> 00:35:23.800
best in his thing, right? So you might, you know, you might pay

479
00:35:23.800 --> 00:35:26.760
much more for the guy who actually is renowned and is

480
00:35:26.760 --> 00:35:29.160
really good at what he does. But I want that guy working on me

481
00:35:29.160 --> 00:35:32.040
versus somebody who's not very good at it. Yeah, right. You

482
00:35:32.040 --> 00:35:34.180
know, and see and doesn't see see results.

483
00:35:35.240 --> 00:35:39.480
And Christina also has a free 20 minute introduction. So like,

484
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:42.040
yeah. So when you like if you go on her website, if you meet

485
00:35:42.040 --> 00:35:45.820
her, she does like a free 20 minute introduction, where

486
00:35:45.820 --> 00:35:48.220
she'll get to know you and see if it's a good fit. And if not,

487
00:35:48.640 --> 00:35:50.460
she'll refer you to somebody else who might be a better fit

488
00:35:50.900 --> 00:35:51.620
for you.

489
00:35:52.460 --> 00:35:55.060
That's exactly that's what I signed up for and did. Yeah.

490
00:35:55.060 --> 00:35:59.360
So you guys so um, last week, just for who, like she said,

491
00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:02.240
Hey, send your email and I'll send you the stuff. But not

492
00:36:02.240 --> 00:36:05.080
ever. But she didn't get everybody's email. So David has

493
00:36:05.080 --> 00:36:08.560
it and he was going to forward that email to ours in order

494
00:36:08.620 --> 00:36:11.340
because I never got one as well. But that is something that I

495
00:36:11.340 --> 00:36:14.380
really and even the worksheets that she was going to give us

496
00:36:14.380 --> 00:36:21.860
are priceless. Right? I mean, really important. So I think so

497
00:36:21.860 --> 00:36:24.580
but like you guys attachment theory, love language are the

498
00:36:24.580 --> 00:36:29.360
two ways you connect are the way you feel and receive love.

499
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:32.020
And then the way you connect to people. Those are two of the

500
00:36:32.020 --> 00:36:34.740
massive, those are the two fundamental things. And it's not

501
00:36:34.740 --> 00:36:37.660
just romantic relationships. It's all relationships. So when

502
00:36:37.660 --> 00:36:41.060
you heal and become secure, you're going to be secure, it's

503
00:36:41.060 --> 00:36:45.700
going to improve every relationship in your life. So I

504
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:49.560
when I do my coaching, there's two books. The first one is the

505
00:36:49.560 --> 00:36:52.860
love languages. The second one is how we love by the Milan aka

506
00:36:52.860 --> 00:36:58.920
those are the two I use. But um, but after last week, I'm like,

507
00:36:59.100 --> 00:37:01.900
well, I want to see what she's doing because it brings

508
00:37:03.160 --> 00:37:06.280
neuroplasticity into so if you're not familiar with just a

509
00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:10.880
quick overview, your brain has neural pathways. So like if

510
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:15.180
you're like I like that's why porn so addictive because it

511
00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:19.040
makes this big old rut in your brain, right? But if you want to

512
00:37:19.040 --> 00:37:22.840
get rid of that habit, you just have to develop a new

513
00:37:22.840 --> 00:37:27.260
neural pathway. 21 days to start the pathway 64 to cement

514
00:37:27.260 --> 00:37:30.660
it and the other one to go away. So in 21 days, you can have a

515
00:37:30.660 --> 00:37:34.240
completely new brain with a completely new neural pathway.

516
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:37.740
64 days, you won't even remember the other pathway because it's

517
00:37:37.740 --> 00:37:40.640
gone. That's because that's how God has wired the brain. So when

518
00:37:40.640 --> 00:37:43.280
it comes to your it doesn't matter how many years how old

519
00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:50.260
you are, and how bad your connection style is. In 21 days,

520
00:37:50.260 --> 00:37:53.600
you can have a new neural pathway. And in 64, you can

521
00:37:53.600 --> 00:37:57.880
have you can remember that no more. And so I'm really

522
00:37:57.880 --> 00:38:00.360
passionate about this just because God made the brain to

523
00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:03.620
heal. And that's one of the reasons why I do this. So um,

524
00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:09.700
alright, so mandatory, mandatory watching last week if you didn't

525
00:38:09.700 --> 00:38:12.760
see it anyways, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna ask

526
00:38:12.760 --> 00:38:19.640
you know, I'm gonna ask you. But uh, sorry, I have a guy I'm

527
00:38:19.640 --> 00:38:22.180
entering. He's having a really rough time right now. My phone's

528
00:38:22.180 --> 00:38:29.600
blowing up. But um, so all right. Oh, event, the event is

529
00:38:29.600 --> 00:38:34.100
sold out. But there are a couple of people who have tickets to

530
00:38:35.560 --> 00:38:37.980
that they're not going to make it and like David was talking

531
00:38:37.980 --> 00:38:44.180
right now. And you can do admin at JackieDorman.com. And if

532
00:38:44.180 --> 00:38:46.500
you're looking for a ticket for the anniversary event this

533
00:38:46.500 --> 00:38:53.940
coming weekend. Rene got ready. So we got like 15 minutes. Is

534
00:38:53.940 --> 00:38:56.640
there anything I want to open the floor to anybody have any

535
00:38:56.640 --> 00:38:57.980
questions, anything they want to

536
00:39:01.220 --> 00:39:05.140
just real quick. Is there anyone that wants a ticket that don't

537
00:39:05.140 --> 00:39:08.840
has one can make and can make it because I have to not make it

538
00:39:08.840 --> 00:39:12.760
the last second. You know, so does anybody want to go the

539
00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:14.320
anniversary event that doesn't have a ticket here?

540
00:39:17.040 --> 00:39:20.100
Okay. All right. Okay. You know, David, thank you for offering.

541
00:39:20.300 --> 00:39:20.640
That's amazing.

542
00:39:21.060 --> 00:39:23.000
Yeah, it is David. Thank you very much. I would love to go

543
00:39:23.080 --> 00:39:26.660
but I'm in the middle of my shift. And I'm up north so that

544
00:39:26.660 --> 00:39:29.700
means I got to fly from up north down here and then fly to Texas

545
00:39:29.800 --> 00:39:31.940
and fly back up north at my expense.

546
00:39:35.060 --> 00:39:39.300
Yeah. Okay, thanks. Anything you guys are dealing with that you

547
00:39:39.300 --> 00:39:45.460
want to get on the floor? And we can look at it. Joshua, what's

548
00:39:45.460 --> 00:39:51.180
going on? What is the anniversary event? Is that just

549
00:39:51.180 --> 00:39:58.120
in celebration of the 5th year anniversary? Right? Yeah. Last

550
00:39:58.120 --> 00:39:59.400
year single and so

551
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.880
Mark, is it over like 2000 now? No, it's this this this group is five years old.

552
00:40:05.900 --> 00:40:07.980
Oh, gotcha. And if I'm wrong, I'm toast.

553
00:40:08.500 --> 00:40:10.880
Good opportunity to meet some of the other single women as well.

554
00:40:13.820 --> 00:40:19.760
Yeah, I'm taking so it's gonna be a party. Yeah, it's gonna be a good time.

555
00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:26.320
Let's see you and john be announcing a few new things for that's coming up the

556
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:32.120
near future as well to well, everybody's there. So you she'll mention that down the road. But

557
00:40:32.120 --> 00:40:36.340
during that time, she's going to be mentioning a lot of new programs that are coming up for

558
00:40:36.340 --> 00:40:40.140
couples that are married as well to that have gone through this program. And so that's going

559
00:40:40.140 --> 00:40:44.640
to be something very something we're going to need after we're married to as well.

560
00:40:44.720 --> 00:40:49.120
Oh, yeah, there's there's a just because you're not single anymore doesn't mean you don't need help.

561
00:40:49.800 --> 00:40:52.940
Yeah, there you go. Josh, that's probably what you need the most help. But like,

562
00:40:56.200 --> 00:41:00.620
sorry, like, you know, it's not like a Hallmark movie.

563
00:41:01.500 --> 00:41:04.600
You know, yeah, like, you know, those are made by women, right?

564
00:41:04.900 --> 00:41:11.640
Yeah, but I always joke it the Hallmark movies and then part twos on lifetime.

565
00:41:11.640 --> 00:41:14.780
Yeah, it's wearing the wife beater and they're having all the problems.

566
00:41:16.560 --> 00:41:23.000
Well, whoever meets in a week and just can't live without each other. And it snows at the

567
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:27.340
end all the time. But anyway, yeah, and like, yeah, and there's the old boy and they break

568
00:41:27.340 --> 00:41:31.080
up with the old boyfriend because they met the new guy who's that's right. There's always an

569
00:41:31.080 --> 00:41:35.580
issue somewhere. All right, Joshua, please save me. Please save me.

570
00:41:43.200 --> 00:41:53.160
Um, yeah, so it's been a while since I've been kind of on. Hey, guys, just been busy with life

571
00:41:53.480 --> 00:42:04.160
and busy with my girlfriend. I moved or I moved my house location. So I'm sorry,

572
00:42:04.160 --> 00:42:09.840
I moved to a different home much closer to work. That happened right before October.

573
00:42:11.540 --> 00:42:14.700
Really just spending almost every waking moment with my girlfriend.

574
00:42:15.300 --> 00:42:20.380
But I'm really busy as a teacher as well. I just started that as my first year.

575
00:42:22.180 --> 00:42:27.020
For me, I really need I feel like I'm supposed to start this 21 day thing.

576
00:42:27.020 --> 00:42:32.520
So I really want to do that. I just been doing

577
00:42:34.600 --> 00:42:41.460
just with maybe some heart stuff. I had an inner healing session earlier this month with a good

578
00:42:41.460 --> 00:42:48.480
friend of mine who had done it before. And the Lord healed some stuff in there. I think what's

579
00:42:48.480 --> 00:43:00.060
really just coming up right now is just I do. I know, for a fact that I want to marry this girl,

580
00:43:00.060 --> 00:43:07.160
and she has stated the same towards me. We both fit very well. Personality wise,

581
00:43:07.200 --> 00:43:14.340
our love language just really kicks. We're very good communicators. We're both physical touch. So

582
00:43:14.340 --> 00:43:23.380
kind of funny. Kenton mentioned it mentioned it earlier. I think I'm just feeling a little bit of

583
00:43:24.340 --> 00:43:30.980
stress or a lot of stress right now. Maybe it's the whole commitment thing. I don't know.

584
00:43:33.080 --> 00:43:40.460
There could be healing in the attachment theory. For me that needs to take place. I've told

585
00:43:40.460 --> 00:43:43.900
Christine's her name. I've told her that my heart has been healed with former women.

586
00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:55.960
There's just a lot of stuff in my life right now that is going on or could just be adding to the

587
00:43:55.960 --> 00:44:01.500
stress. So the stress. All right. Can we just look at that for a second? Yeah.

588
00:44:03.940 --> 00:44:09.340
For me, when there's somebody who I'm marginally interested in or I don't see it really working

589
00:44:09.340 --> 00:44:16.860
or it's a 60-40, it's not going to work or a 70-30. I'm like, yeah, no big deal. If this

590
00:44:16.860 --> 00:44:23.420
doesn't work out, yeah, I'm all right. I want the 90-10. So when I get the 95-5, I'm like,

591
00:44:23.420 --> 00:44:30.140
oh my gosh, there's something there. There's a thing where it's like, oh, this is legit

592
00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:35.960
and this might work. I don't know how I feel about that. Is that kind of what you're feeling?

593
00:44:39.960 --> 00:44:43.820
Hmm. I don't really know what I'm feeling to be quite honest.

594
00:44:49.580 --> 00:44:52.300
One thing I've talked about with some of my new roommates,

595
00:44:52.720 --> 00:44:59.980
really good men who love the Lord is, well, there's a

596
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.860
couple of things. Sorry, I'm not trying to go all over the place. It's just been a

597
00:45:02.860 --> 00:45:04.400
while since I've talked to you guys.

598
00:45:09.040 --> 00:45:12.660
And because of how fresh this relationship is, it's about two months.

599
00:45:12.760 --> 00:45:16.840
We've known each other, you know, for about two and a half years.

600
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:18.840
We hadn't seen each other a while before we started dating,

601
00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:23.540
but we just really feel like this is from

602
00:45:23.580 --> 00:45:27.680
the Lord. But having said that, I want to make sure

603
00:45:27.680 --> 00:45:33.380
me, like, am I good to go in terms of like going the next step?

604
00:45:33.580 --> 00:45:38.460
I think that's just kind of like where maybe I'm feeling stressed. I feel like

605
00:45:38.460 --> 00:45:39.740
it's going a little fast.

606
00:45:43.460 --> 00:45:47.660
Sorry, am I not answering your question? So, well, okay, so

607
00:45:48.280 --> 00:45:50.680
if you're feeling like it's fast, that's going to add stress,

608
00:45:51.420 --> 00:45:58.160
right? So did you watch last week? Yeah, I watched.

609
00:45:58.720 --> 00:46:01.100
So which side would you say you're on?

610
00:46:01.740 --> 00:46:02.700
The anxious or the avoidant?

611
00:46:05.540 --> 00:46:09.940
More so anxious. All right, yeah, it's interesting.

612
00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:15.900
Why? Well, because usually I think there are moments when I'm

613
00:46:15.900 --> 00:46:19.100
tempted to be avoidant. Well, for example, okay, I'll give an

614
00:46:19.100 --> 00:46:24.540
example. She's really loved a lot on me,

615
00:46:26.240 --> 00:46:30.380
and honestly, like, that is kind of new,

616
00:46:30.640 --> 00:46:34.480
where I can tell, like, she actually really does love me.

617
00:46:35.380 --> 00:46:38.700
And it's, like, fresh, and it's great. It's amazing. I found

618
00:46:38.700 --> 00:46:43.920
that whenever I just am open to receive, that it goes great. Like, I'm not talking

619
00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:47.700
too much. We're just having a moment. It's like

620
00:46:47.700 --> 00:46:53.160
God made it to be, and it's just great. When I feel, but there are a lot of

621
00:46:53.160 --> 00:46:55.740
moments where she's just loving on me, and then I just

622
00:46:55.740 --> 00:46:58.700
talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber.

623
00:47:00.740 --> 00:47:04.900
And it's almost like I'm having issue just receiving the love sometimes.

624
00:47:05.420 --> 00:47:09.100
I don't know if it's, like, an unworthiness thing. Well, that's a valid thing.

625
00:47:09.520 --> 00:47:15.180
Yeah. Like, okay, so here, you guys, you haven't really been loved well your

626
00:47:15.180 --> 00:47:17.740
whole life, and then somebody starts doing it.

627
00:47:18.040 --> 00:47:20.200
There's things inside of you that are, like,

628
00:47:20.200 --> 00:47:23.280
I don't know what's going on. This is amazing, but,

629
00:47:23.900 --> 00:47:29.580
you know, it can freak you out, which is understandable, because you've never

630
00:47:29.580 --> 00:47:33.620
really experienced it. And, like, and learning, and, like, it

631
00:47:33.620 --> 00:47:38.620
sounds dumb to have to learn how to receive love, but, like,

632
00:47:39.320 --> 00:47:42.980
for me, it's really hard, if I'm honest, right?

633
00:47:42.980 --> 00:47:45.880
I'm really good at giving out, but I'm not really good at receiving.

634
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:50.140
And so I get a little freaked out and stressed out in those moments,

635
00:47:51.220 --> 00:47:55.220
right? You know, Kenton, you got anything on that? Because I know you've seen a lot

636
00:47:55.220 --> 00:47:58.820
of this. Yeah, I do. In fact, I don't mind. Thanks for...

637
00:47:58.820 --> 00:48:02.020
I'll get to you in a minute. I'm sorry, Kenton. I joined the call a few minutes

638
00:48:02.140 --> 00:48:07.180
late. What do you do? What I do now?

639
00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:10.720
I just drive truck up north, but my past is,

640
00:48:10.720 --> 00:48:14.340
I was a police officer, and I was a pastor slash counselor.

641
00:48:15.780 --> 00:48:21.200
Nice, okay. So here's my thoughts. Are you, by chance,

642
00:48:21.560 --> 00:48:23.100
Joshua, a people pleaser?

643
00:48:26.760 --> 00:48:31.020
Yeah. Yeah, if you're a people pleaser, that's... I totally understand where you're

644
00:48:31.020 --> 00:48:34.720
coming from. People pleavers give, give, give, but they

645
00:48:34.720 --> 00:48:37.960
don't know how to receive. And the reason why they can't receive

646
00:48:37.960 --> 00:48:41.280
is because there is immaturity in there, and I mean

647
00:48:41.280 --> 00:48:45.560
in the purest sense, not in the sense of

648
00:48:47.020 --> 00:48:52.220
mentality, but it's just, it's simply...

649
00:48:52.220 --> 00:48:56.500
You need to fill in the spaces if there is quiet spaces. Is that

650
00:48:56.500 --> 00:49:00.880
correct as well, too? Yeah. Yeah, because you don't like quiet.

651
00:49:01.760 --> 00:49:03.960
And because of that, you don't like quiet.

652
00:49:04.620 --> 00:49:08.040
We who are people pleasers, which I was

653
00:49:08.040 --> 00:49:12.180
as well, Joshua, at Tennessee as well, too, so I understand this one,

654
00:49:12.460 --> 00:49:15.140
is that we don't, we're uncomfortable with quietness because we are

655
00:49:15.140 --> 00:49:19.220
uncomfortable with actually listening. It was intentioned to learn and to grow.

656
00:49:19.900 --> 00:49:23.580
And, and we don't have a partner that can communicate,

657
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:27.380
and there's a lot of holes there. It's not saying that there's something wrong

658
00:49:27.380 --> 00:49:30.840
with them, it's just that we need that constant communication, that

659
00:49:31.620 --> 00:49:34.080
coming, coming at our with. We feel comfortable

660
00:49:34.300 --> 00:49:37.640
when they can actually communicate well, and that's the thing.

661
00:49:37.780 --> 00:49:40.320
Can they communicate well? Somebody can talk,

662
00:49:40.720 --> 00:49:44.520
but if you're not communicating, there's two different, that's two different

663
00:49:44.520 --> 00:49:48.200
stories there. Talk, you can have a lot of dead stuff

664
00:49:48.200 --> 00:49:50.560
in it, but if you're actually communicating feelings,

665
00:49:50.960 --> 00:49:54.740
your thoughts, you're communicating your desires and your hopes,

666
00:49:55.180 --> 00:49:59.980
but leaving enough space in between to interact with each other is so

667
00:49:59.960 --> 00:49:59.960


668
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.660
important. And if you're not receiving that, um, um, then that there's,

669
00:50:07.660 --> 00:50:11.160
it's just a lot of empty air, somebody speaking, but they're not really

670
00:50:11.160 --> 00:50:16.620
speaking anything that's of value in your life. And so being a people

671
00:50:16.620 --> 00:50:22.760
pleaser, the reason why it's whole hard to receive, I found out it's

672
00:50:22.760 --> 00:50:26.340
because I never received from God first. I couldn't receive, I kept

673
00:50:26.340 --> 00:50:32.380
on trying to please him. And then never left my life open to his love

674
00:50:32.380 --> 00:50:38.680
to simply receive. So for me, he had a corner me in one of our cabs at

675
00:50:38.680 --> 00:50:44.280
work. Cause when I drive these 400 ton trucks and when it's raining, we

676
00:50:44.280 --> 00:50:48.340
can't go anywhere with those things. So I stuck in it for 12 hours. So

677
00:50:48.340 --> 00:50:53.700
the Lord actually cornered me and he said, will you let me love you?

678
00:50:53.700 --> 00:50:56.540
And of course I said, Lord, you could, you could do anything you want.

679
00:50:56.620 --> 00:51:03.940
You're God. And, and he says, no, no. Will you give me permission to love

680
00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:09.800
you? There's a difference there is because God will never enter into

681
00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:15.600
someplace where we, we cannot receive. I'll say that. God will never enter

682
00:51:15.600 --> 00:51:19.640
into your life, into any area that you cannot receive because we've put

683
00:51:19.640 --> 00:51:24.060
doors up of either fear or disappointment. Mine was disappointment.

684
00:51:24.660 --> 00:51:28.720
I'm not loved a lot during my life. Never told much about being loved.

685
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:33.980
I married a woman who could not love for 36 years. And so all of a

686
00:51:33.980 --> 00:51:39.080
sudden God's bringing this whole new thing called agape love. That's what

687
00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:42.520
Peter had, by the way, he had a problem with problem with agape love.

688
00:51:42.660 --> 00:51:46.700
He could take friendship love, but he couldn't take agape love. So he had

689
00:51:46.700 --> 00:51:51.100
to learn to, I wouldn't be one's best right. Surprised he wasn't ADHD, but

690
00:51:51.020 --> 00:51:57.260
anyway. So in that case here, you've got to be able to get before the

691
00:51:57.260 --> 00:52:04.120
father and say, father, I gave you permission to love me, but I want, I

692
00:52:04.120 --> 00:52:08.380
want that pure love. I want to be accepted. And then coming to realize

693
00:52:08.380 --> 00:52:13.760
that he's going to love you. When we say unconditionally, it doesn't matter

694
00:52:13.760 --> 00:52:19.600
what you screw up in his love stays the same. It's always the same. It

695
00:52:19.600 --> 00:52:23.940
doesn't change. It's always a high love. Cause that's why he says how deep,

696
00:52:24.300 --> 00:52:28.640
how long or why it is. But once you come to that, realize how much your

697
00:52:28.640 --> 00:52:34.740
heavenly father loves you. So stinking much. It's like a father, you become

698
00:52:34.740 --> 00:52:38.320
a father. And when your kids come as long as they screw up, you're still

699
00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:42.740
going to love on them, but they're still afraid of you. And they don't,

700
00:52:42.740 --> 00:52:46.480
and we don't want to be afraid of our heavenly father. We just want to be

701
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:50.160
able to say, father, I just need your love. And to be known that I love all

702
00:52:50.160 --> 00:52:53.540
the time. So once that area of your life gets healed, you'll be able to

703
00:52:53.540 --> 00:52:59.120
reach, be able to be healed or sorry, to receive love from her in a way that

704
00:52:59.320 --> 00:53:04.120
it's going to wow you. It's really going to wow you. It's like, I never

705
00:53:04.120 --> 00:53:07.880
knew I could be loved by a human being this way. So that's my thoughts for

706
00:53:07.880 --> 00:53:08.440
that one, Josh.

707
00:53:08.440 --> 00:53:14.200
Yeah, and watch your boundaries. Like, like, like that moment, like, it's,

708
00:53:15.960 --> 00:53:19.480
yeah, boundaries are really important when you sit. And Kenton, thank you so

709
00:53:19.480 --> 00:53:24.260
much. Because like, you know, people pleaser to, you know, I actually, that

710
00:53:24.260 --> 00:53:28.700
actually helped me. So, you know, and, you know, my friends, like, Mike, you

711
00:53:28.700 --> 00:53:31.700
just need to let guys love it. And I'm like, I am. And he's like, Yeah, no,

712
00:53:31.720 --> 00:53:32.360
you're not.

713
00:53:33.580 --> 00:53:36.380
What do you mean by boundaries? Can you expound on that?

714
00:53:36.380 --> 00:53:42.000
So when you feel, let somebody love you well, for the first time, a lot of

715
00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:47.600
times close flight. So just be careful in that thing. Because it's a really,

716
00:53:47.820 --> 00:53:54.180
it can be really intense. I have a friend who was a pastor that made a big

717
00:53:54.180 --> 00:54:00.640
mistake. And with another, they're married now, but it's a side sideline

718
00:54:00.680 --> 00:54:05.360
their relationship for two years. Right? Because he had never really felt love

719
00:54:05.360 --> 00:54:10.040
before. And she did that. And, you know, he just, they ended up in bed.

720
00:54:10.840 --> 00:54:16.040
Right. And so I did like, that's why I say bound. So my car, my one caution is

721
00:54:17.180 --> 00:54:19.420
just be careful with I mean, you have to be careful with boundaries

722
00:54:19.420 --> 00:54:22.060
regardless, like when you're getting into emotional areas, when you get into

723
00:54:22.020 --> 00:54:27.340
praying, the closer you get, the more the fire wants to get it out of the

724
00:54:27.160 --> 00:54:32.600
fireplace, right. And so that's, that's, that's boundaries for anybody. The more

725
00:54:32.620 --> 00:54:35.400
intimacy you have, and all the four, you know, like physical, emotional,

726
00:54:37.040 --> 00:54:41.400
spiritual, and intellectual, the more you develop those, those relationship

727
00:54:41.700 --> 00:54:46.800
areas, the more that you're going to want to connect physics, like the

728
00:54:46.800 --> 00:54:50.980
physical side is going to want to come out. So I just say that as a heads up

729
00:54:51.840 --> 00:54:56.840
because I wasn't aware of it. Yeah, and that didn't go super awesome as well.

730
00:54:57.240 --> 00:54:59.340
But you guys can that was amazing.

731
00:55:01.000 --> 00:55:07.160
We're at time. Anybody else before that want to jump at the end? Or I'll pray. I can pray.

732
00:55:07.320 --> 00:55:11.600
I'll pray us out. But I'm proud of you all, you guys. Thanks for sharing your stuff, Joshua

733
00:55:11.600 --> 00:55:19.820
and David and Kenton. And just like, and like, thank you for y'all for being here. David's

734
00:55:19.820 --> 00:55:21.640
Mr. Wright. You had something to say?

735
00:55:21.960 --> 00:55:28.280
Yeah, I just want to say, Josh, you are worthy of love. And yeah, man, it's been so cool.

736
00:55:28.280 --> 00:55:31.300
I mean, I know I don't know you that well, but just getting to know you, and especially

737
00:55:31.300 --> 00:55:36.200
when you shared your interview on the spotlight. I was so impressed. I was new in the program

738
00:55:36.200 --> 00:55:39.720
and I was like, wow. And I remember praying. I was like, I wrote this in my journal. I

739
00:55:39.720 --> 00:55:43.400
was like, God, like, thank you for changing his heart. But can you change my heart like

740
00:55:43.400 --> 00:55:47.440
that? And so, yeah, you're worthy of love, man. I just want you to know that, like, this

741
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:50.180
girl is super lucky because you are one of one.

742
00:55:53.600 --> 00:55:57.860
Thank you. Appreciate that. And honestly, Mike, thank you for that last thing you said

743
00:55:57.860 --> 00:56:04.940
because I'll confess real quick. We did go, we didn't sleep together, but we got, we got

744
00:56:04.940 --> 00:56:11.740
pretty intense the other day and I was just like, shoot. So that's another reason why

745
00:56:11.740 --> 00:56:18.460
I'm trying to draw back close into the community. Shouldn't ever delve too far anyway, but thank

746
00:56:18.460 --> 00:56:26.200
God it didn't get that far. But it was, but what you said is wisdom. And well, you know,

747
00:56:26.200 --> 00:56:32.080
my number one regret with my ex, like my last relationship, my only relationship was

748
00:56:32.080 --> 00:56:38.760
that I didn't wait and it destroyed my marriage. Like I wouldn't say it destroyed my marriage,

749
00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:43.440
but it really tarnished it because I wasn't willing to hold out for another two months,

750
00:56:43.460 --> 00:56:49.140
which was so stupid, right? It was too much before our wedding day and we went camping

751
00:56:49.140 --> 00:56:53.760
and we played house and it felt really intimate and became really intimate. Right. And so

752
00:56:53.760 --> 00:57:00.600
I just say be careful because the more you connect, the more you want to be, because

753
00:57:00.600 --> 00:57:04.680
when you're dating and you're in those things, you're actually preparing for marriage and that's

754
00:57:04.680 --> 00:57:10.160
how it's meant to be. That's why I'm not a huge fan of long engagements. Like, I mean, other than

755
00:57:10.160 --> 00:57:16.100
if you're, I mean, in our age range, like all of us are pretty well set, right? You know, they're

756
00:57:16.100 --> 00:57:19.800
either going to be good or bad. Like, you know, and if you match up well, but long engagements

757
00:57:19.800 --> 00:57:25.040
lead to chances for blowing it. And now if you have a bunch of problems, long engagements are

758
00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:31.880
great, but if you guys mesh well and you fit well, why postpone it? You know, that's, I don't know

759
00:57:31.880 --> 00:57:37.060
what Jackie's official thing is, but like she said, you know what she says is terrible relationships

760
00:57:37.060 --> 00:57:42.540
happen fast and God relationships happen fast, right? Jackie actually says, you know, if you're

761
00:57:42.540 --> 00:57:49.320
going to have a long dating period, have a short, have a very short engagement time because it's,

762
00:57:49.320 --> 00:57:53.700
you already know what you know, and don't linger it up because longer you linger, it's a physical

763
00:57:53.720 --> 00:57:59.000
thing. You're tempted. The enemy will come and tempt you more to destroy that thing, which is

764
00:57:59.000 --> 00:58:03.740
so precious is that time together. And you can actually have sex with your clothes on people.

765
00:58:04.440 --> 00:58:10.040
Let's get into it. You can still grow. You know, your, your, your, your sex areas are going to be

766
00:58:10.040 --> 00:58:15.940
wanting grinding each other. That is sex people. So just remember that your women need somebody

767
00:58:15.940 --> 00:58:20.740
they're secure with that can protect them. You're a night. Okay. You're their night.

768
00:58:20.820 --> 00:58:26.560
You need to protect them. And one of the codes of a night is to always take highly of others

769
00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:35.520
more than themselves. And yeah. And when you do protect that, she does feel safe in the bedroom.

770
00:58:35.540 --> 00:58:39.860
If you want her to not feel safe in the bedroom, have sex before marriage. Oh yeah. I mean,

771
00:58:39.860 --> 00:58:48.620
in it, that becomes your guys' first, like, like that becomes your, her first impression in that

772
00:58:49.020 --> 00:58:53.420
way. And something else as a counselor, I've counseled many young couples and the ones that

773
00:58:53.420 --> 00:58:58.720
have slept with each other before marriage, they sort of just went into it. And they, they did,

774
00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:04.800
as Mike said, they felt very disappointed on the honeymoon, but those that waited, they said it

775
00:59:04.800 --> 00:59:11.860
was like a while. I mean, it was such a while because they chose to wait on even those who had

776
00:59:11.860 --> 00:59:16.920
come to me that were having, that were already living together, became Christians living together,

777
00:59:17.040 --> 00:59:22.000
still had children. I would say, listen to guys at this point here, just simply stop having sex

778
00:59:22.000 --> 00:59:26.640
the next three months until you get married. And they agreed to, and when they came back to me

779
00:59:26.640 --> 00:59:30.640
after the honeymoon, they says, you wouldn't believe when we're faithful in that one area,

780
00:59:31.320 --> 00:59:36.840
the Lord just seemed to come into the room. And it was again, a while for them. They just,

781
00:59:37.500 --> 00:59:42.920
and they loved each other even greater because there wasn't anything of a,

782
00:59:44.740 --> 00:59:49.920
to make him guilty in so many words, guilt goes right into marriage. And that would be playing

783
00:59:49.920 --> 00:59:53.820
on you. And the enemy will use that against you until you fully repent of it. When you fully

784
00:59:53.820 --> 00:59:59.480
repent, give it back to him, but you don't want to ruin that night. And Ken, I love that point.

785
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.400
If you blown it stop and tell set it apart be set apart and then enjoy it again

786
01:00:06.400 --> 01:00:13.620
But like don't go into marriage being guilty because you didn't make it I can tell you it's terrible

787
01:00:14.100 --> 01:00:17.720
Right one of the like one of the top three regrets of my life

788
01:00:18.100 --> 01:00:21.040
And I'm just being honest, you know, I share my crap with you guys

789
01:00:21.040 --> 01:00:23.820
So you don't do the same stupid stuff that I do honestly

790
01:00:24.980 --> 01:00:28.700
Right, you know like I don't want to share that. It's really kind of

791
01:00:28.700 --> 01:00:32.000
It's not that's in repent, yes

792
01:00:32.180 --> 01:00:38.500
Yes, and leave the way in that repentance to but gentlemen always the women's to take the thing and here's how you repent

793
01:00:38.860 --> 01:00:45.420
You go to her and you don't stand over her. You don't even get at eye level you go to your knees

794
01:00:45.940 --> 01:00:50.340
And you go before your knees humbling yourself before because you are a servant leader

795
01:00:50.540 --> 01:00:56.740
And the way to do is as she sees that she's you're humbling herself and and she's looking down upon you

796
01:00:56.740 --> 01:01:03.480
She doesn't feel like she's being looked on upon but other she's being lifted up and at that moment when you seek that forgiveness as I

797
01:01:03.480 --> 01:01:08.120
Am what I what we did that's on me. I was supposed to be protecting you

798
01:01:08.120 --> 01:01:14.440
I take full responsibility for this one and I'm asking you to decide will you forgive me for leading you in a way?

799
01:01:14.620 --> 01:01:20.260
We shouldn't have gone and I will tell you from this point forward. We will guard each other's hearts

800
01:01:20.260 --> 01:01:23.480
This is guarding your hearts. This is not just the body

801
01:01:23.480 --> 01:01:27.120
It's your heart that you're guarding and in doing so when you

802
01:01:27.520 --> 01:01:34.700
Literally seek that forgiveness you receive her forgiveness if you need that receiving back you pray together

803
01:01:34.700 --> 01:01:37.140
giving it over to the Lord and

804
01:01:37.140 --> 01:01:42.700
At that time, um, you just put the guards up after that and you literally lay down the law

805
01:01:42.820 --> 01:01:46.560
This is we're not gonna be alone. We're not gonna be this night because it's a true etc

806
01:01:46.740 --> 01:01:48.840
And if we feel like we're getting too hot

807
01:01:49.260 --> 01:01:51.880
Let's separate in so many words

808
01:01:51.880 --> 01:01:52.560
Say

809
01:01:53.900 --> 01:02:02.020
Because the Lord always wants a repent of heart and he can restore anything that was stolen from you seven times

810
01:02:02.980 --> 01:02:09.260
Amen, that's great. Wisdom. Just carry a bucket of ice-cold water wherever you go

811
01:02:10.620 --> 01:02:16.240
Even at my age, it's it gets hot and steamy guys. Come on and so like

812
01:02:16.880 --> 01:02:18.680
It's real guys, right?

813
01:02:23.860 --> 01:02:24.280
Oh

814
01:02:24.380 --> 01:02:32.200
Dude, it's so good guys, but you know, I'm so grateful for y'all. I'm really proud of y'all, you know, you're amazing and

815
01:02:33.400 --> 01:02:36.080
So Lord Jesus, I just thank you for all these mighty men of valor

816
01:02:36.480 --> 01:02:40.600
Lord help us to have good boundaries help us to make it to the finish line with our

817
01:02:41.460 --> 01:02:45.800
Spirit mates and help us to lead them all and keep the marriage bed undefiled

818
01:02:45.800 --> 01:02:49.040
What I pray you bring spirit mates for every man

819
01:02:49.040 --> 01:02:54.200
If that who isn't on this like who doesn't have one on this call and the ones that do have one

820
01:02:54.200 --> 01:02:58.700
I just pray that you would protect them and guide them and show them

821
01:02:59.180 --> 01:03:01.740
next steps and get them into

822
01:03:02.580 --> 01:03:08.680
Covenant Lord, but Lord, I just pray that Lord. We just right now if you guys want to pray with me Lord

823
01:03:08.680 --> 01:03:10.680
I just give you permission to love me

824
01:03:10.960 --> 01:03:14.220
Love me in every area of my life. So I just know Jesus

825
01:03:14.220 --> 01:03:19.760
I give you permission to love me in every area of my life, and I receive your love in Jesus name. Amen

826
01:03:20.980 --> 01:03:24.180
Love y'all. You guys are amazing. Go get it

827
01:03:28.560 --> 01:03:30.180
Take care. God bless you guys