WEBVTT

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Hey, everyone, so glad to have you joining us tonight. I know we're going to have more

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people popping on here. I just realized I hadn't sent out a reminder yet. So that is

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my bad. I was like, where's the people and then the person that was supposed to let him

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remind them to be here forgot. So I just sent that out. And I know more people will be joining

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us but would love for our guests if they're able, Matt and Mandy, Ralph and Diana and

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Brian to come on screen as soon as you're able. Awesome. Welcome. It's so good to have

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you all Ralph and Diana. It's been a while but so glad to see you again. And Matt meeting

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you for the first time tonight. I've heard a lot of great things about you through Mandy.

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And I'm just excited to give you all an opportunity not only to share your love story, but we

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have just found just since we've done this for years that it really inspires other people

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to believe for their love story. And so thank you for being here with us tonight. The way

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we're going to start it is I'm going to kind of just like prompt you guys every time we

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ask a round of questions. And so right from the beginning, I'm going to ask you each one

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of you in the couple to share for about five minutes about just how did God bring you together,

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some personal testimony points, what were some things you even went through that you

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feel led to share tonight before you met each other? How did if you were in our program,

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how did Jackie's coaching and last year's single help you? If you weren't a part of

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our program, that's totally okay. But what did God lead you to do to heal to prepare

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for your spirit mate that you're now sitting with tonight. And so that's where we're going

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to start first. And again, just whatever you feel led to share. And I will start with Matt

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and Mandy first, and then I'll come over to Ralph and Diana, and we'll kind of go in

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that cycle. All right, so I'm going to pass it over to Matt and Mandy, whichever one of

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you want to share first is totally fine.

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So I was a part of Jackie's program. And I was one of the OGs I had been around not since

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the very beginning, but I think she was like maybe six months in by the time that I joined.

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And I think one of the biggest things that had to happen for me was really working on

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the non-negotiables from heaven and getting, letting go, breaking off some of the lies

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that I was believing or letting go of some of the things that I didn't know I was holding

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on to. And I remember one time on a supernatural Saturday back when we, it was more interactive.

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He asked like, you know, sort of like what's coming up for you or what are you hearing

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Holy Spirit saying? And I can remember then. So just a small caveat, my, I was married

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for 20 years and then went through a really amicable divorce, but the 20 year marriage

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or 25 year relationship was really rocky. And I have six children from that marriage.

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And I was married to a, an African-American man. And with that, with having mixed kids

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had been treated poorly and different times by white men and realized through a supernatural

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Saturday that I was sort of holding all white men responsible for the issues or the things

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that had happened to the kids and I. And so in my mind, one of my non-negotiables was,

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I just wasn't willing to take a chance to date someone who wouldn't accept my children

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being that they were half black. And I just didn't trust that. I just didn't trust that

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white men would, that there would be a white man that could take care of us and love us

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for who we are and whatever. But obviously God had other plans. And so, and so for years

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on the dating apps and off the dating apps and things like that I just did not date anyone

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that was white. And I didn't realize that that was like a huge stumbling block for me.

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And when I admitted it in that supernatural Saturday, I think what I said was not every

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white man is racist and not every black man is abusive. And I had to break off of that

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lie that I was telling myself and agreeing with in order to be able to move on. And that's

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really when I think heartwork kicked in to high gear. And I really made a lot of progress

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doing that work is what I think prepared my heart to receive love from Matt, I would not have

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been able to. Actually, we almost canceled our first date on each other. I almost canceled our

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first date solely because he's white. And I was like, Where is this even gonna go? I got a lot

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going on. I'm done with the apps. I'm done with dating, like, and, but because I have integrity,

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and I wanted to stay inside of integrity to myself and to God, I've followed through and

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went on a date. And anyway, in eight, eight months later, we celebrated our

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eight months of knowing each other on our honeymoon. So it was great.

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Okay, your turn.

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Yeah, that's why when I first met one of our bonus daughters, when she saw me, that's what her

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comment was, Mom, he's so white, he's pink. And not knowing the context of what Mandy came

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through, again, not thinking of, of, I guess, not thinking of race in general. I was like,

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I was like, Well, I suppose but anyway. Boy, I came from I came from being before I met Mandy,

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like she said, we almost canceled on our on our first meet date. I had come from seven years of

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trying to reconcile reconcile with my ex wife or my previous in my previous marriage.

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I'm not even being separated. So we were separated for a total of seven years. And

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because I thought I was doing the the godly thing by staying and didn't realize that

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my previous spouse apparently had no intentions of reconciling. I'm a slow learner, I guess.

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And so, but I say that because I and I don't mind the seven years of trying to reconcile because

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I literally wanted to do everything in my power. And I didn't want to be one of these

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people that didn't put an effort to reconcile. But it turns out this that that wasn't

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God's plan. I mentioned that then because

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I thought in my heart of hearts that God would answer the prayer of reconciliation with my

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previous spouse. And when God, in my mind, God did not answer that prayer. So then I had the

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attitude of fine, I shall do what I want. If you're not going to come through for me, God, then I shall

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I'm not gonna I don't lose. I didn't lose my belief in God. I didn't lose. I'd still love

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Jesus. But I was like, I'm gonna love Jesus and then try and live my life my own way.

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That was horrible. That was a horrible decision.

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And then basically, that led to a basically a three year relationship that I knew wasn't

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right. I was never content in it. Holy, it just the constant conflict was there. And then so when

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Mandy came along, I had by that time made a decision that I needed someone who loved Jesus

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not claim to just be a Christian, and not just went to church. But I knew at that point, I need

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needed someone who loved Jesus. And then I met Mandy, who loves Jesus.

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Yeah, this is so good. I'm gonna have other things that I would love to pull out

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of your story before we go over to Ralph and Diana.

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Um, Matt, did you also have children? Do you also have children?

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I have a 15 year old daughter.

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So Matt has one kiddo, they now obviously bonus child to Mandy. Mandy brought six kids into the

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marriage. So they are a blended family for sure. And so we will touch a little bit on that because

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I know we have a lot of people that you know, are really wanting to know how God helps our couples

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now.

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the gate, some of that. But also just thank you for your

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transparency and what you shared. You know, a lot of us go

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through ups and downs of like, what is it like when God doesn't

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answer the specific prayer that we're asking? Right? And that

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can be tough. I always say that about the relationship I had

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right before, you know, I took a sabbatical from dating

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altogether. And I begged God to nudge him to marry me and praise

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God that that did not happen because he wasn't a healthy

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person. And God knew that. And so we believe in God defended

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in this community. And I believe that's what God was doing for

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you, Matt. So thank you for sharing that part of your story.

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So be prepared when I come back just to kind of give us a little

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bit of an idea of what has it been like blending your family,

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um, you know, whatever you that it could be just fun stuff, or

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you can share if there's been any little things that God is

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having, like helping you all work through to, you know, as

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you've already shared the realness, you know, however,

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you'll feel led to share there. And then we'll just keep talking

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through your your love story, so people can get to know you more.

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But going to go over to Ralph and Diana and have you all share

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a little bit again, about five minutes or so a piece, just to

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kind of give us an understanding of how you guys came together,

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you know, and again, what was God doing in your lives before

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he brought you together? I will say so Ralph and Diana were both

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in last year single, they were both people that were a part of

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our program before they met. So there is that component here as

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well, where Matt and Mandy, Mandy was in the program, Matt

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wasn't, but y'all know how it goes. Once one of us is in the

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community, most of us, the other person ends up being a part of

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the communities to some degree. Brian has learned that haven't

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you Brian? He's here tonight, having fun with us. All right,

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Ralph and Diana would love to hear what you have to say

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tonight.

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Sure, ladies first. Oh, okay. All right. Thanks. Thanks. This

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one already. So yeah, I came to Jackie's program through hearing

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her on a podcast. And at that point in my life, I had been

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divorced about six years ish. Dating was a nightmare. Even

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dating Christian men was generally a nightmare. So it

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wasn't it was kind of like what Matt said, you know, there's a

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lot of name only Christians out there. And that was very

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dissatisfying and frustrating. So when I heard Jackie talking

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about how she does things and listening to the Holy Spirit,

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and, you know, shedding stuff, when the Holy Spirit highlights

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it, and I was like, this girl has something else that I have

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not heard anyone else talk about. So I was like, in because

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I knew, I knew in my heart of hearts that God had something

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for me, like another, you know, I was hoping he would let me

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remarry. You know, so I was all in. And then I did was going

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through the heart work. And then actually, at that time, there

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was he said, she said, which was, you know, kind of like

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zoom like this, but the ladies got to ask the guys bunches of

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questions. And Ralph was close to Jackie. And so he was sort of

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acting like a facilitator for her. And, you know, so we're on

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a zoom call like this, and I see him and I was like, Whoa, who's

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that? And I wasn't really that kind of person. Like, I it's

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kind of funny that Matt and Mandy are here with me and

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Ralph, because my I never was attracted to black men, you

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know, some, some people, that's a thing, like, that's what

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they're always attracted to, for me, it never was a thing. And

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so I'm looking at this, and I'm like, what, I am so drawn to

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this guy. And you know, it was like his way he speaks, and he's

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very, like calming, and he has this great presence about him.

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But, you know, he lives in Austin, Texas, and I live in New

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York State in upstate New York, like, yeah, how's that ever

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gonna work? So, um, but we had an app back then. And so I had

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reached out to one of the leaders, Cassandra was kind of

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running it then and said, How do you use this app thing to like

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reach out to people? And anyway, I sent him this, you

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know, just kind of very light touch message, you know, I

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really like, you know, your presence on the zoom calls is

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just really stable. And it's so and he was like, Thank you, or

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thanks with a smiley like this. Okay. Um, yeah. Yes. So I, I, I

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got some time passed, and then I reached out to him again, like a

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kind of Jackie, I don't know if she still uses this, like

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dropping the hanky, you know, you're sort of giving them a

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hint, because sometimes guys don't get it. And I said, Hey,

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you know, if you ever want to talk more, I'd like to, you

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know, get to know you. And he basically was, you know, still

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doing his hard work, you know, maybe I'll reach out to you,

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blah, blah, blah. And I

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I'm just going to, so I have a lot of this in my journal.

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I'm a journaler and I've always been a journaler.

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And so, and this one I actually bought specifically

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when God started really speaking to me

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about who my husband was going to be, him.

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So there's, it's cool to go back and read it now.

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So let's see, what else?

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What else is pertinent to this story?

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Well, I can tell mine.

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So how did you get to a place

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where you were thinking about being remarried?

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Were you married before?

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Oh yeah, I said that already, that I had been, of course.

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Well, here's, but here's the cool part.

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So, and this is why the hard work and community

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to me are so incredibly important because, you know,

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here I am, I'm like, I think I'm attracted to him.

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Like, and I was trying to do what Jackie said,

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like, you know, talk to other people, go on, you know,

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like low commitment dates, low stakes dates, whatever,

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to see what you like, to kind of learn how to date,

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to practice, whatever.

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But then you came around, you came back around and said,

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oh, Jackie issued this challenge.

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There's this seven dates challenge.

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So would you like to do a Zoom call?

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And-

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Because I couldn't get anybody to date in person.

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Even though Jackie said there's thousands of women

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in Austin, Texas, none of them were apparently

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interested in me.

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So all of these dates I did on Zoom.

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So I had, so I-

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Go ahead.

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So we had our date.

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Well, you gotta tell a little bit about yourself first.

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Okay, so I was married for 38 years.

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My wife passed away from cancer.

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And so when I got ready to start dating again,

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I was actually in another program called

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the One University.

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I did like two sessions, two rounds of that.

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Similar to Jackie's program, but not,

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it didn't have the supernatural component.

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So I got to know Jackie through her daughter, actually.

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I was part of the worship community in Austin

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and there was a group called Heart of David.

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And so apparently, I didn't know this,

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but Reagan was telling Jackie,

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oh, you gotta find somebody for this guy, Ralph.

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And so I went to house church at their house

219
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and got to know her and got in the program.

220
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And so I was in the first like men's,

221
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the men's heart work with the,

222
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like with the male edited heart work book and everything.

223
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So I was in the middle of the heart work

224
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when Diana first reached out.

225
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And so I said like, after we're done with the heart work,

226
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because you're not supposed to do any kind of dating

227
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during that, we'd talk.

228
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So we had our date, our virtual date,

229
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and which it's kind of funny.

230
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The first one was cut very short

231
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because she had forgotten that she told her daughters

232
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that she would go to the gym with them.

233
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And so we talked for, and now that I live with this woman,

234
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I totally, I totally understand.

235
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That should have been a dead getaway right there.

236
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She over schedules herself.

237
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I can't relate to that at all.

238
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So we had this call for 30 minutes.

239
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It was a nice call and it was scheduled a second call.

240
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And in the second call, now I, so I've got four kids.

241
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They're all grown.

242
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I mean, grown, grown.

243
00:19:00.840 --> 00:19:02.320
I've got grandkids.

244
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:06.800
Not interested in marrying somebody

245
00:19:06.800 --> 00:19:08.960
with kids at home at all.

246
00:19:10.520 --> 00:19:12.880
And not interested in, wasn't interested

247
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in moving from Austin at all.

248
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I was never moving back to the North again.

249
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I moved to Texas from Michigan and no.

250
00:19:22.040 --> 00:19:27.040
So we talked and she's a worship person.

251
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And so we had that in commons.

252
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We talked about a lot of things.

253
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And while we're talking,

254
00:19:33.320 --> 00:19:37.480
I would see these little heads peeking in the door

255
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and like her kids were coming in the room

256
00:19:41.120 --> 00:19:43.880
like crawling behind the bed.

257
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Cause apparently they wanted to see the dog and which.

258
00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:51.120
Nosey, they wanted to know who I was talking to.

259
00:19:51.120 --> 00:19:51.960
But they do love it.

260
00:19:51.960 --> 00:19:53.800
They're not that little, but they're very sweet.

261
00:19:53.800 --> 00:19:55.600
Yeah, they're not little at all.

262
00:19:55.600 --> 00:19:58.280
So yeah, so I'm like, who is that?

263
00:19:58.280 --> 00:20:00.200
And, oh, I've got, I've got.

264
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:09.240
got four kids at home. And I'm like, okay, nope. But it was a

265
00:20:09.240 --> 00:20:13.500
really good conversation. And and so when I talked to Jackie

266
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afterwards, she asked me how it went. And I said, Well, you

267
00:20:17.300 --> 00:20:21.140
know, she's got kids and she lives in New York. But I think I

268
00:20:21.140 --> 00:20:28.260
have another friend. I just I made another friend. Um, we kept

269
00:20:28.260 --> 00:20:34.140
talking. And I had told her I think in that second day that

270
00:20:34.140 --> 00:20:38.340
hey, if you're ever in Austin, let me know and I'll carve out

271
00:20:38.340 --> 00:20:42.980
some time to you know, to go do something because she said I was

272
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I sounded like I was really busy. She got sent Yeah, I got

273
00:20:49.620 --> 00:20:52.060
to tell this. Okay, you go. I gotta tell this part because

274
00:20:52.060 --> 00:20:56.820
this is the supernatural part. So my boss had kept saying to

275
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me, I'm going to be sending you to Austin, I'm going to be

276
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sending out like, and I thought, Oh, I'm going to get to meet

277
00:21:01.140 --> 00:21:05.320
Jackie in person. Like that was my idea of going to Austin. Well,

278
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then I started talking with him. And then Jackie got on one time

279
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just kind of one of those times, you know, she just gets on like

280
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live and tells starts talking about something. And she was

281
00:21:15.180 --> 00:21:19.620
saying if you have clothing from a previous relationship or any

282
00:21:19.620 --> 00:21:25.240
like mementos, you really should get rid of them. And you know, I

283
00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:27.240
don't even remember what particular reason, but it was

284
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:29.720
just kind of like get rid of anything associated with a

285
00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:33.360
former relationship. And I had like a couple of sweaters and a

286
00:21:33.360 --> 00:21:36.840
plant or something and was like, Oh, let me just get rid of those

287
00:21:36.840 --> 00:21:40.640
this weekend. I am not kidding you like that was on a Saturday.

288
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:44.200
I think she did that or Friday night. Saturday, I got rid of

289
00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:47.280
them. Monday, my boss is like, Oh, I'm sending you to I need

290
00:21:47.280 --> 00:21:51.960
you to go to Austin like next week. And I was like, Okay, this

291
00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:54.000
is weird. She's been telling me this for months and months,

292
00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:57.160
nothing happens. I suddenly get rid of all this other stuff. And

293
00:21:57.160 --> 00:22:01.040
now I'm actually going to get to meet him in person. And so he

294
00:22:02.040 --> 00:22:06.240
that's how we got to meet in person, which really changed

295
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:09.240
everything. Yeah. Because God had already been speaking to me

296
00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:12.080
now. And I don't recommend this for everybody. God had already

297
00:22:12.080 --> 00:22:14.120
been speaking me that he was going to be my husband, but I

298
00:22:14.120 --> 00:22:18.920
never said that to him. I never was good was up. No, no, that I

299
00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:21.400
knew like that was it was all in my journal. I kept it in my

300
00:22:21.400 --> 00:22:25.360
journal. And I said, Lord, if this is you, you're gonna have

301
00:22:25.360 --> 00:22:28.560
to do it. I'm not chasing this guy. I'm not throwing myself at

302
00:22:28.560 --> 00:22:34.480
this guy. Like, if this is your will, you have to do it. And so

303
00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:36.920
it was crazy, because all of a sudden, I'm going to Texas and

304
00:22:36.920 --> 00:22:40.280
I'm like, Okay, this is interesting. So but this is

305
00:22:40.280 --> 00:22:43.160
where the community part comes in so important. So there were

306
00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:47.240
other people in the community that came. So I got to Austin.

307
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:49.920
And then Ralph called me and said, Hey, we're all a bunch of

308
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.720
us are going to go to a bowling alley and whatever, blah, blah.

309
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:57.720
So I get there and it's Ralph on a date with someone else from

310
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:01.240
the community. Because you know, low stakes dating, right? And

311
00:23:01.240 --> 00:23:06.240
he I'm his friend. I'm nobody at this point. That's a friend, and

312
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:08.520
two other couples from the community. So I'm sitting there

313
00:23:08.520 --> 00:23:10.240
and I'm like, Okay, this is interesting, Lord, what are you

314
00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:13.320
doing? And I'm watching him interact with this other young

315
00:23:13.320 --> 00:23:16.160
lady, perfectly fine young lady. No, I don't have anything

316
00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:19.400
against her. It was kind of weird, because we looked similar

317
00:23:19.400 --> 00:23:22.040
and our names were similar to so that was like, Okay, this is

318
00:23:22.040 --> 00:23:27.040
odd. Anyhow. Um, so I go through this whole, like, you know,

319
00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:30.040
dating situation where he's on a date with someone else. And I'm

320
00:23:30.040 --> 00:23:34.560
there as the seventh wheel. And so I'm like, Okay, but somebody

321
00:23:34.560 --> 00:23:37.440
walks in her name is Ebony. She was in the program. And I just

322
00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:39.960
thought I knew her like she and he goes, Oh, there's Ebony. And

323
00:23:39.960 --> 00:23:43.560
I'm like, I know Ebony. So I'm like, she comes and sits next

324
00:23:43.560 --> 00:23:46.560
to me. And then this is like, we were having dinner before we

325
00:23:46.560 --> 00:23:49.160
went bowling. And so then I'm like, I'm supposed to be going

326
00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:51.720
on a date with him tomorrow. And she goes, Oh, you are. And I

327
00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:53.640
go, Yeah, so this is the situation right here is pretty

328
00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:56.080
awkward for me. She goes, Oh, just hang out with me, blah,

329
00:23:56.080 --> 00:23:59.720
blah, blah. Well, then after this evening, I literally went

330
00:23:59.720 --> 00:24:03.440
back to my hotel room and cried. Because I'm like, What, Lord,

331
00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:06.520
what are you doing? You bring me here to Austin, and I got to sit

332
00:24:06.520 --> 00:24:08.680
there and watch him on a date with someone else like what is

333
00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:12.920
going on. And Ebony was texting me. And she's like, Listen,

334
00:24:12.920 --> 00:24:15.480
Ralph is a good guy. He never would have put you in that spot

335
00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:18.440
like knowingly he just, you know, is probably being polite

336
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.880
inviting you out, blah, blah, blah. So I was like, Okay,

337
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:24.120
whatever. I get back to my hotel room, I hit my knees. And I'm

338
00:24:24.120 --> 00:24:28.200
like, Okay, Lord, what are you doing? And no, I'm not lying. I

339
00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:30.120
don't make things up. My husband will tell you I don't make

340
00:24:30.120 --> 00:24:33.040
things up. God said to me, you need to give him a break.

341
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:35.120
What?

342
00:24:37.560 --> 00:24:40.760
He said he doesn't know what he's doing. You need to give him

343
00:24:40.760 --> 00:24:46.760
a break. And I'm like, Okay, so I got done crying. And I was

344
00:24:46.760 --> 00:24:50.320
like, Okay, I have no idea what's going on here. So the

345
00:24:50.320 --> 00:24:55.000
next morning, he calls me, gives me the most beautiful apology

346
00:24:55.040 --> 00:24:59.280
I've ever heard in my life. And my former husband was abusive.

347
00:24:59.400 --> 00:24:59.960
He never

348
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.500
could apologize. He was never wrong. He never did anything

349
00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:06.600
wrong. And so to have Ralph apologize to me for something

350
00:25:06.600 --> 00:25:09.680
that he didn't intend didn't mean to hurt my feelings didn't

351
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:15.300
mean to make me uncomfortable. I was like, Wow. And by the same

352
00:25:15.300 --> 00:25:17.720
token, though, I said, Well, yeah, it was uncomfortable for

353
00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:21.760
me. It was awkward. But like, I get it. We're all trying to

354
00:25:21.760 --> 00:25:25.000
figure this out dating at this age, which is just generally

355
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:28.760
awkward. And, you know, we're all trying to figure it out,

356
00:25:28.760 --> 00:25:32.360
kind of like trying to use what the Lord told me. And so,

357
00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:40.680
and her accepting my apology, like my first wife, I could

358
00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:47.320
never I apologize, everything was always my fault. And I could

359
00:25:47.320 --> 00:25:54.240
apologize, but she would punish me for a while until she was, I

360
00:25:54.240 --> 00:25:58.440
don't know, just done with it, or felt that I had suffered

361
00:25:58.440 --> 00:26:04.760
enough. So the fact that Diana graciously accepted my apology

362
00:26:04.800 --> 00:26:11.720
that actually made me take notice and have more interest,

363
00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:17.960
which is I know that sounds odd, but that's that was a really a

364
00:26:17.960 --> 00:26:24.880
really a quality that I hadn't even considered how much I

365
00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:33.680
valued that. And through that, through my social faux pas, that

366
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:36.040
was that was revealed for both of us.

367
00:26:36.080 --> 00:26:39.280
Well, I feel like God set you both up, honestly, you know,

368
00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:42.160
listening to how this unfolded, I didn't even know that part of

369
00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:45.280
your all story. So it's really awesome to hear. I know that

370
00:26:45.280 --> 00:26:49.000
must have been awkward. But the fact that a you're willing to

371
00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:52.480
listen to what God was saying to you, Diana about Ralph, and

372
00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:55.160
Ralph, that you were willing to call her and apologize, which

373
00:26:55.160 --> 00:26:58.760
I'm sure the Lord prompted you to do. Y'all, this is really

374
00:26:58.760 --> 00:27:02.960
key. So I want people to dial into this. When the Lord says

375
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:08.120
stuff to us, you know, we should follow through on that, because

376
00:27:08.120 --> 00:27:11.440
we might not understand fully why he's doing things the way

377
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:14.120
he's doing or, you know, the timing that he brought you all

378
00:27:14.120 --> 00:27:18.680
together. But it sounds like you all received something in

379
00:27:18.680 --> 00:27:21.360
that moment, through that conversation, and that

380
00:27:21.360 --> 00:27:25.880
experience that you both needed. And it doesn't sound weird,

381
00:27:25.880 --> 00:27:28.920
Ralph, that that is something that then illuminated her to

382
00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:33.560
you a little bit more. Because what I hear is trust was being

383
00:27:33.560 --> 00:27:37.680
built, right, right there. So I love that we're gonna circle

384
00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:42.520
back. Okay, so be ready. Diana, when I come back, you mentioned

385
00:27:42.520 --> 00:27:45.960
that, you know, before you weren't open to dating, you

386
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:48.960
know, men that were African American black men. And so I

387
00:27:48.960 --> 00:27:52.120
want to hear what were some of the lies that you had to also

388
00:27:52.120 --> 00:27:56.320
process, like Mandy talked about, that, you know, you let

389
00:27:56.320 --> 00:28:02.360
go of, so that you could be open to Ralph. And then Ralph, also,

390
00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:05.640
you didn't want to date someone more with kids, you didn't want

391
00:28:05.640 --> 00:28:08.640
to move, which I can totally relate to. And I actually said,

392
00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:11.000
I didn't want to move north again. So I think it's so funny

393
00:28:11.000 --> 00:28:14.640
that you said the same thing. And we both moved more north for

394
00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:18.280
a while. But now I'm really south, praise the Lord. But um,

395
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:22.760
yeah, just be ready to kind of talk about how did God help you

396
00:28:22.800 --> 00:28:27.960
let go of those items on your list, so that you could receive

397
00:28:27.960 --> 00:28:30.480
Diana as your spirit mate. So when we come back, I just want

398
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:33.280
you all to be prepared that we want to hear about that a little

399
00:28:33.280 --> 00:28:37.880
bit. So Matt and Mandy, circling back to you all, would love to

400
00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:41.040
hear a little bit about your blended family. How's that

401
00:28:41.040 --> 00:28:45.160
going? How is God? You know, what are the ups? And what are

402
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:48.480
the, you know, maybe learning little, I don't want to call

403
00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:50.960
them obstacles. But you know, those things that we go through

404
00:28:50.960 --> 00:28:54.160
when we have blended family? How's that looking for you? How

405
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:56.640
is it going? Whatever you feel led to share?

406
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:00.760
It's not for the faint of heart.

407
00:29:01.760 --> 00:29:08.800
Well, and we are trying to blend a family with three teenage

408
00:29:08.800 --> 00:29:14.560
girls. So five of my six are girls and Matt's daughter is a

409
00:29:14.560 --> 00:29:21.360
girl. So we have six daughters and one son living in our house.

410
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:25.640
Most of my kids are older. But living in our house, we have my

411
00:29:25.640 --> 00:29:29.560
son who's 19. And then basically three 16 year old girls.

412
00:29:31.040 --> 00:29:35.200
Um, yes, Ralph, I get you. I Yep, that's exactly how most

413
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:39.080
people respond. It's how we respond as well. So it can get

414
00:29:39.080 --> 00:29:48.760
dicey at times. But I think I think that I have really

415
00:29:48.760 --> 00:29:54.960
received the gift of seeing how God can use you and someone

416
00:29:54.960 --> 00:29:59.880
else's life. Um, so I, although I have a

417
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.200
a lot of things in common with Matt's first wife.

418
00:30:05.280 --> 00:30:07.440
I'm also very different from her.

419
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:11.880
And so I think Matt's daughter

420
00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:14.260
really appreciates the differences.

421
00:30:15.240 --> 00:30:19.120
Like she likes that I cook a lot or, you know,

422
00:30:19.120 --> 00:30:21.240
I don't know, things like that.

423
00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:23.960
So, but navigating,

424
00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:28.160
kind of like what Diana said,

425
00:30:28.200 --> 00:30:32.240
dating or getting married at our age is just tough.

426
00:30:32.240 --> 00:30:34.020
I mean, we're all set in our ways.

427
00:30:35.400 --> 00:30:37.120
Matt talks about the culture,

428
00:30:37.120 --> 00:30:38.800
the kids and I have a culture, you know,

429
00:30:38.800 --> 00:30:41.360
we've been together forever.

430
00:30:41.360 --> 00:30:46.360
And so there are like unwritten rules or expectations

431
00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:49.480
or things that we just automatically do.

432
00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:52.260
Even something simple as like,

433
00:30:52.260 --> 00:30:53.360
as soon as we're done eating,

434
00:30:53.360 --> 00:30:56.120
we put our dishes in the dishwasher.

435
00:30:56.120 --> 00:30:57.480
I have to have that system

436
00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:00.640
because I had 213 at a litter of children, right?

437
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:03.920
Like I, and so even something small like that,

438
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:06.360
but like one of the twin,

439
00:31:06.360 --> 00:31:11.360
one of my twins just gravitated toward Matt

440
00:31:11.480 --> 00:31:12.920
almost immediately.

441
00:31:14.920 --> 00:31:17.280
And watching that relationship

442
00:31:17.280 --> 00:31:19.760
has really been a blessing to me

443
00:31:19.760 --> 00:31:23.780
because I can see how God uses,

444
00:31:24.780 --> 00:31:29.060
I joke that I fail my kids 77 ways

445
00:31:29.060 --> 00:31:31.540
before 7 a.m. on a given day.

446
00:31:31.540 --> 00:31:36.020
And so seeing how God has used Matt

447
00:31:37.020 --> 00:31:39.540
to fill in the gaps where the kids,

448
00:31:39.540 --> 00:31:41.660
where my ex-husband has failed,

449
00:31:41.660 --> 00:31:45.940
or maybe God is using me to just,

450
00:31:45.940 --> 00:31:49.060
just maybe some more insulation or fill in gaps that,

451
00:31:49.060 --> 00:31:52.500
you know, where Evelyn's mom maybe is just different

452
00:31:52.540 --> 00:31:54.300
or has failed her.

453
00:31:54.300 --> 00:31:57.900
It just is amazing to me to see that God is,

454
00:31:57.900 --> 00:32:00.940
really does have a plan and he's orchestrating everything,

455
00:32:00.940 --> 00:32:03.020
but there have been rough days.

456
00:32:03.020 --> 00:32:03.940
I mean.

457
00:32:03.940 --> 00:32:07.620
Well, and we are still even, we're navigating that.

458
00:32:07.620 --> 00:32:10.660
And it's interesting that this is a conversation,

459
00:32:10.660 --> 00:32:12.060
the whole culture piece of it,

460
00:32:12.060 --> 00:32:14.700
because Evelyn, my daughter,

461
00:32:14.700 --> 00:32:17.780
so I was in a home,

462
00:32:17.780 --> 00:32:21.220
basically a three-bedroom bachelor pad

463
00:32:21.220 --> 00:32:24.460
that my daughter visited every other week.

464
00:32:25.820 --> 00:32:30.820
So that means that things got put in the dishwasher

465
00:32:31.180 --> 00:32:36.180
when I was out of dishes or that,

466
00:32:37.580 --> 00:32:40.780
and there was, and I took pride in like,

467
00:32:40.780 --> 00:32:43.220
sometimes like if you, if I had a water bottle

468
00:32:44.700 --> 00:32:47.460
or we were the pop bottle or something,

469
00:32:47.460 --> 00:32:48.580
if one of the plastic,

470
00:32:48.580 --> 00:32:51.940
I took pride in showing my daughter that

471
00:32:51.940 --> 00:32:56.820
I would throw it in the general direction of the trash can

472
00:32:56.820 --> 00:32:59.700
and then pick it up along the way,

473
00:32:59.700 --> 00:33:01.620
maybe that day or the next day.

474
00:33:04.140 --> 00:33:08.140
So, so that was the culture in which,

475
00:33:09.500 --> 00:33:13.540
not saying I'm a good father at all,

476
00:33:13.540 --> 00:33:15.980
but it was this whole,

477
00:33:16.020 --> 00:33:21.020
I saw my house as kind of a retreat for my daughter.

478
00:33:21.300 --> 00:33:23.380
Again, I still was a good father.

479
00:33:23.380 --> 00:33:26.660
I mean, anyway, I still did fatherly things,

480
00:33:26.660 --> 00:33:31.420
but I was, I wanted to show that, hey,

481
00:33:33.140 --> 00:33:37.020
maybe I wasn't, anyway, but the culture was,

482
00:33:37.940 --> 00:33:42.940
the culture was more kind of a relaxed environment

483
00:33:43.180 --> 00:33:45.860
and the idea that we'll get to the dishes

484
00:33:45.860 --> 00:33:47.300
when we get to them.

485
00:33:47.300 --> 00:33:49.500
Again, there are pros and cons to that.

486
00:33:49.500 --> 00:33:54.420
Mandy would see maybe mostly cons, but,

487
00:33:55.860 --> 00:33:59.060
so then we're navigating through this

488
00:33:59.060 --> 00:34:01.220
and we just kind of, things came to light

489
00:34:01.220 --> 00:34:02.060
because we're like,

490
00:34:02.060 --> 00:34:05.940
just the things that Evelyn has said or that,

491
00:34:05.940 --> 00:34:07.940
because another thing is that sometimes Evelyn and I

492
00:34:07.940 --> 00:34:10.940
would stay up late and if we would watch a movie

493
00:34:10.940 --> 00:34:12.380
and I'd be like, all right, let's,

494
00:34:12.820 --> 00:34:14.699
and even though I had to get up to work,

495
00:34:14.699 --> 00:34:15.739
we'd stay up late.

496
00:34:16.940 --> 00:34:21.940
This household, I think Jenna goes to bed at eight

497
00:34:22.820 --> 00:34:27.820
and Caden's at nine and I think Evelyn would come down

498
00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:30.659
and get something to eat and she's like,

499
00:34:30.659 --> 00:34:31.940
are they seriously in bed?

500
00:34:31.940 --> 00:34:34.780
Like it had, the evening hasn't even started for Evelyn.

501
00:34:36.179 --> 00:34:40.100
So it truly is, and we are, I mean,

502
00:34:40.139 --> 00:34:43.620
so we are currently navigating just the,

503
00:34:43.620 --> 00:34:46.820
not even the aspects of like these major issues,

504
00:34:46.820 --> 00:34:49.020
but like really a culture difference.

505
00:34:49.020 --> 00:34:52.219
So Evelyn now sees me as like, dad,

506
00:34:52.219 --> 00:34:56.420
you put like dishes in the dishwasher every time.

507
00:34:56.420 --> 00:34:59.380
I'm like, oh yeah, cause you know, that's what I do.

508
00:34:59.380 --> 00:35:00.220
And Evelyn's.

509
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.840
She's probably like, what happened to my dad?

510
00:35:02.840 --> 00:35:04.680
This is insane.

511
00:35:04.680 --> 00:35:06.840
And I'm like, mom, I'm buried.

512
00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:09.080
Anyway, so we are currently navigating,

513
00:35:09.080 --> 00:35:14.080
and I don't know.

514
00:35:14.320 --> 00:35:16.120
I mean, we're in the midst, so.

515
00:35:16.120 --> 00:35:18.880
I'm loving this so much.

516
00:35:18.880 --> 00:35:20.320
But it's also been so good.

517
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:22.920
Like, so because my kids are older,

518
00:35:22.920 --> 00:35:27.920
my kids are 28, 23, 21, 19.

519
00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:31.400
The twins are 16, Evelyn's almost 16

520
00:35:31.400 --> 00:35:32.600
at the end of this month.

521
00:35:32.600 --> 00:35:37.600
So my big girls, Evelyn has been homeschooled.

522
00:35:37.720 --> 00:35:41.000
And so it's just a totally different thing for her.

523
00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:44.760
And so my, but she wanted to like go shopping

524
00:35:44.760 --> 00:35:47.000
or try to find some fashion

525
00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:49.600
or her own sense of self and fashion.

526
00:35:49.600 --> 00:35:52.240
And so my big girls came around her.

527
00:35:52.240 --> 00:35:54.200
Of course they were like, give us the money.

528
00:35:54.200 --> 00:35:57.360
And then, you know, we live really close to an outlet mall.

529
00:35:57.800 --> 00:35:59.920
And so they spent the whole day and they had lunch

530
00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:02.200
and they went shopping and they just really built her up.

531
00:36:02.200 --> 00:36:05.760
And so be like, that's the fruit, right?

532
00:36:05.760 --> 00:36:07.720
Like that's the fruit of the hard.

533
00:36:07.720 --> 00:36:09.440
The detail and the detail.

534
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:12.160
So my daughter, Evelyn was wearing sweatpants

535
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:15.000
for the last, I don't know, three years,

536
00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:17.240
like literally only sweatpants.

537
00:36:17.240 --> 00:36:20.080
And I tried as a father to,

538
00:36:20.080 --> 00:36:24.160
are you wanna try a pair of jeans or anything else?

539
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:28.160
Do you, we're going to, anyway.

540
00:36:28.160 --> 00:36:33.160
So my bonus daughters really took her under their wing

541
00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:37.080
and she came back with two pair of jeans.

542
00:36:37.080 --> 00:36:41.320
And I'm telling you, the miraculous

543
00:36:41.320 --> 00:36:45.440
of having two older sisters where Evelyn was able to,

544
00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:50.440
I mean, as a dad who then sees it, I mean, anyway,

545
00:36:50.640 --> 00:36:55.400
that piece of it has been amazing for Evelyn, just amazing.

546
00:36:55.400 --> 00:37:00.080
And I think the key thing is we worked

547
00:37:00.080 --> 00:37:01.560
with Jackie really early on.

548
00:37:01.560 --> 00:37:04.840
So when we started dating and we knew very quickly

549
00:37:04.840 --> 00:37:07.480
that this was going to lead to marriage,

550
00:37:07.480 --> 00:37:11.000
we scheduled the time to work with Jackie to say,

551
00:37:11.000 --> 00:37:12.680
what does this look like going forward?

552
00:37:12.680 --> 00:37:15.840
Jackie was amazingly insightful,

553
00:37:15.840 --> 00:37:19.080
asked us really good thought provoking questions.

554
00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:22.640
Gave us homework, you know,

555
00:37:22.640 --> 00:37:25.960
and then Simbas really helped with that too.

556
00:37:25.960 --> 00:37:28.440
But meeting with Jackie, having known

557
00:37:28.440 --> 00:37:31.400
that she has blended a family, although they were little,

558
00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:33.880
so it's a little bit different than blending a bunch

559
00:37:33.880 --> 00:37:36.600
of humans who are already their own person.

560
00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:43.200
It was just really helpful for her to challenge us.

561
00:37:43.200 --> 00:37:46.480
Like, what is it going to look like when this happens?

562
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:51.280
And, you know, do you have amicable other parents?

563
00:37:51.280 --> 00:37:54.120
And if not, what does it look like when that happens

564
00:37:54.120 --> 00:37:56.760
or this, or, you know, tell me, like, walk me through that.

565
00:37:56.760 --> 00:38:00.880
And so having those strategies, people say all the time,

566
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:02.920
you need to have a united front, this and that, right?

567
00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:04.400
Well, like, that's great in theory.

568
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:05.240
And you're like, yeah, of course

569
00:38:05.240 --> 00:38:06.840
we have to have a united front.

570
00:38:06.840 --> 00:38:10.960
But what you don't realize is that you are very protective

571
00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:12.840
of your kid, and it doesn't mean

572
00:38:12.840 --> 00:38:14.960
that you can't love someone else's,

573
00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:16.200
a child that you didn't birth.

574
00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:20.200
My 28 year old, I did not birth her, but raised her.

575
00:38:20.200 --> 00:38:22.880
And you wouldn't know she wasn't mine.

576
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:23.920
Most people don't.

577
00:38:25.040 --> 00:38:28.160
So my point is, I love Evelyn to pieces,

578
00:38:28.160 --> 00:38:30.960
but what we have found is like, whoa,

579
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:34.560
sometimes we even have to say, we're on the same team.

580
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:35.960
We have to remind each other that,

581
00:38:35.960 --> 00:38:40.600
because the enemy, he will just like work offenses

582
00:38:40.600 --> 00:38:42.280
that aren't even there.

583
00:38:42.280 --> 00:38:45.520
Because there is something to these older where,

584
00:38:46.600 --> 00:38:51.600
where I found myself very protective of Evelyn.

585
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:56.400
Even though as a father, I saw things where I'm like,

586
00:38:56.400 --> 00:39:01.080
where I needed to discipline or coach, but it was,

587
00:39:01.080 --> 00:39:02.800
and I've seen it with Mandy where,

588
00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:05.400
without her even realizing sometimes,

589
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:09.320
she's been very protective of her children.

590
00:39:09.360 --> 00:39:13.880
And so it is, that is a natural thing that we,

591
00:39:13.880 --> 00:39:15.920
again, we navigate.

592
00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:19.920
We're in the kind of the recognition stage of that,

593
00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:22.560
because you don't think, again,

594
00:39:22.560 --> 00:39:27.560
I love my bonus kids like crazy and Mandy loves Evelyn.

595
00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:31.040
But it is interesting.

596
00:39:33.040 --> 00:39:35.200
It is interesting navigating

597
00:39:36.200 --> 00:39:41.200
what we say about each other's kids.

598
00:39:42.160 --> 00:39:43.000
Yes.

599
00:39:43.000 --> 00:39:44.640
Now remind us, I forgot to ask you guys.

600
00:39:44.640 --> 00:39:45.480
So Ralph and Diana,

601
00:39:45.480 --> 00:39:47.680
let everyone know when we come back to you two,

602
00:39:47.680 --> 00:39:50.120
how long have you been married, Matt and Mandy?

603
00:39:51.400 --> 00:39:53.320
Well, we got married May 23rd.

604
00:39:53.320 --> 00:39:55.720
So however many months that is.

605
00:39:55.720 --> 00:39:56.560
Yeah.

606
00:39:56.560 --> 00:39:57.400
Six?

607
00:39:57.400 --> 00:39:58.320
June, July, August, September.

608
00:39:58.320 --> 00:39:59.160
Years.

609
00:39:59.160 --> 00:40:00.000
About five months.

610
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.800
months. Yeah, five months. And so these are the reason I love

611
00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:08.000
that this is coming out tonight in the way that it did from the

612
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:13.640
dishes. And you know, that aspect of what you brought up. I

613
00:40:13.640 --> 00:40:17.440
joke a lot. And, you know, when we went through Simbis, one of

614
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:21.480
our hot topics was chores, you know, and it really has been I

615
00:40:21.480 --> 00:40:24.280
mean, not that we fight over it, but just it has been a hot

616
00:40:24.280 --> 00:40:27.680
topic, hot topic for anyone that hasn't gone through Simbis. It's

617
00:40:27.680 --> 00:40:30.560
just like the areas where you're most likely to probably

618
00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:34.160
have an issue with each other. But also just what you guys are

619
00:40:34.160 --> 00:40:38.720
sharing about the kids. And I think that there are times where

620
00:40:38.720 --> 00:40:42.000
we don't realize we are in behaviors and patterns. And

621
00:40:42.000 --> 00:40:47.600
those aren't bad. But to merge families together, even, you

622
00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:50.480
know, to share a little bit about our stories, and Brian,

623
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:53.280
I'll, you know, come to you too, because I know people are asking

624
00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:57.440
to hear from you. So I want to make sure that you have a chance

625
00:40:57.440 --> 00:41:01.920
to share as well. But just when I came into Brian's life, I have

626
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:06.480
a stepson from my prior marriage who was literally like I was not

627
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:10.240
allowed to see him when I filed for divorce from that point

628
00:41:10.240 --> 00:41:12.840
forward. So I have not seen him since he was 10. But I raised

629
00:41:12.840 --> 00:41:17.480
him from baby to 10. Like I was with him all the time, his

630
00:41:17.480 --> 00:41:21.880
mother moved away at one point. So I was his main parent and

631
00:41:21.880 --> 00:41:25.560
caregiver. In addition to his dad, I have two spiritual

632
00:41:25.560 --> 00:41:29.000
daughters, and then Brian has two biological daughters as

633
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:33.000
well. And so totally understand now his daughters live in

634
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:38.080
California, and my spiritual daughters live in Kentucky. And

635
00:41:38.080 --> 00:41:41.480
so we actually have not we've been married three years, and

636
00:41:41.480 --> 00:41:46.120
our kids haven't met yet. And because his kids couldn't come

637
00:41:46.120 --> 00:41:48.320
in for our wedding. So even though my girls were in the

638
00:41:48.320 --> 00:41:51.960
wedding, and so that's something that we're still praying about,

639
00:41:51.960 --> 00:41:54.440
like, what is that going to look like? And so, you know, the

640
00:41:54.440 --> 00:41:58.160
things that you all are talking about are very real. And things

641
00:41:58.160 --> 00:42:02.520
that people need to be thinking about that do have children. I

642
00:42:02.560 --> 00:42:05.520
would love for those in our community be think that are

643
00:42:05.520 --> 00:42:07.680
hearing this, whether you're here live or watching the

644
00:42:07.680 --> 00:42:12.760
replay, to really start, like looking at what are the things

645
00:42:12.760 --> 00:42:17.080
that you're not willing to let go of? And is it really that God

646
00:42:17.080 --> 00:42:20.560
is asking you to keep those things? Are you just keeping

647
00:42:20.560 --> 00:42:25.160
those things on your list? For example, I'm just thinking about

648
00:42:25.160 --> 00:42:28.520
the fact like, you know, Matt had a bachelor pad. I mean, he

649
00:42:28.520 --> 00:42:32.400
was living a bachelor life. That makes sense. When I, you know,

650
00:42:32.440 --> 00:42:35.320
when I met Brian, same thing, even though he's pastor, he's

651
00:42:35.320 --> 00:42:38.280
got this house and he's living by himself. And y'all, it's, it

652
00:42:38.280 --> 00:42:40.600
is really cute when you're dating and you come and you

653
00:42:40.600 --> 00:42:43.680
don't think anything of it when there's dishes and, but then

654
00:42:43.680 --> 00:42:46.280
it's a whole different story once you're married and those

655
00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:51.600
dishes are in your sink, from my perspective. And so, again,

656
00:42:51.600 --> 00:42:54.000
I'm just kind of making light, but there are things where you

657
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:59.520
have to, it just changes the game. And so learning how to

658
00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:04.240
not like create molehills out or mountains out of molehills,

659
00:43:04.240 --> 00:43:09.240
however you say that. And just really not like you said it so

660
00:43:09.240 --> 00:43:13.880
well, Mandy, not allowing offense to take root and come

661
00:43:13.880 --> 00:43:17.600
in and create bigger problems in the marriage when we're a

662
00:43:17.600 --> 00:43:22.160
team. And if we have each other's back, things are going

663
00:43:22.160 --> 00:43:25.280
to go really great. Once we start dividing, that's when

664
00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:28.800
things will start to fall apart. So Brian, people are wanting so

665
00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:30.840
Ralph and Diana, I'll come to you. But a couple people were

666
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:34.280
asking a little bit about our story. And so would love for you

667
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:37.560
just to share just from your perspective, kind of like also

668
00:43:37.560 --> 00:43:41.040
anything that like relates to some of the core of like what's

669
00:43:41.040 --> 00:43:44.680
coming out in their stories might be helpful to if you can

670
00:43:44.680 --> 00:43:46.200
think of anything in particular.

671
00:43:47.680 --> 00:43:51.480
Yeah, I mean, so just be more specific, like how we met and

672
00:43:51.480 --> 00:43:52.960
how we kind of connected or,

673
00:43:53.400 --> 00:43:56.040
that's great, or whatever, you know, things that we've learned

674
00:43:56.040 --> 00:44:00.600
even about, you know, I think it'd be great to touch on the

675
00:44:00.600 --> 00:44:04.880
first time you met Olivia and how that went. If you remember,

676
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:08.240
yeah, I think that would be good. And how we navigated

677
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:10.960
through that as a couple Olivia, for those of you that don't know

678
00:44:10.960 --> 00:44:13.480
is my youngest spiritual daughter. So when I say

679
00:44:13.480 --> 00:44:16.840
spiritual daughter, I dated their dad for way too long, but

680
00:44:16.840 --> 00:44:19.840
I've been in their lives, I think 10 years now I fought, I

681
00:44:19.840 --> 00:44:22.800
fought for that relation, those relationships. And so we're

682
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.320
still very close. But yeah, so whatever you feel led to share,

683
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:27.120
it's totally fine.

684
00:44:28.240 --> 00:44:32.160
That's great. I think part of the challenges with our blending

685
00:44:32.160 --> 00:44:37.960
is with Bethany situation, Olivia, she had experience

686
00:44:37.960 --> 00:44:42.480
through her parents, both her, her dad and her mom, just

687
00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:46.720
constantly rotating people in and out of their lives. So kind

688
00:44:46.720 --> 00:44:50.920
of when I came in the scene, I think the challenge was not

689
00:44:50.920 --> 00:44:55.400
being seen as just kind of a revolving person. So obviously,

690
00:44:55.400 --> 00:44:58.560
a lot of grace there, and I didn't try to push anything, you

691
00:44:58.560 --> 00:45:00.000
just kind of try to, you know, just be

692
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.360
yourself and interact.

693
00:45:01.360 --> 00:45:03.600
So, it's still coming,

694
00:45:03.600 --> 00:45:06.400
but definitely a lot farther than it was.

695
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:08.080
I think at first,

696
00:45:08.080 --> 00:45:10.800
I kind of felt like sometimes I wasn't always there.

697
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:12.400
I mean, she loved on Bethany

698
00:45:12.400 --> 00:45:14.880
and I was just kind of like the other guy in the room,

699
00:45:14.880 --> 00:45:15.720
if you will.

700
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:20.160
So, but getting to know her and Michaela,

701
00:45:20.160 --> 00:45:21.160
the other daughter,

702
00:45:21.160 --> 00:45:22.720
it's fun last time she was out,

703
00:45:22.720 --> 00:45:24.200
she did a visit and we kind of sat

704
00:45:24.200 --> 00:45:26.260
and like watched NASCAR together.

705
00:45:26.260 --> 00:45:28.940
So, I almost wondered if Bethany was getting jealous

706
00:45:28.940 --> 00:45:30.160
because we were starting to hang out

707
00:45:30.160 --> 00:45:33.320
and watch cars and kind of hang out a little bit.

708
00:45:33.320 --> 00:45:37.200
And so, I was eating that up as well.

709
00:45:37.200 --> 00:45:38.480
Part of my challenge too,

710
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:42.400
was, you know, through my first marriage,

711
00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:44.240
when we got, I got divorced,

712
00:45:44.240 --> 00:45:47.600
my ex-wife changed the narrative

713
00:45:47.600 --> 00:45:50.000
and gave a lot of false information to my girls.

714
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:53.060
So, it created a big divide distance for us.

715
00:45:53.060 --> 00:45:54.640
Bethany mentioned earlier,

716
00:45:56.200 --> 00:45:57.720
they weren't, they didn't come to our wedding.

717
00:45:57.740 --> 00:45:59.780
And that was kind of a hard thing too.

718
00:45:59.780 --> 00:46:01.140
But now that they're older,

719
00:46:01.140 --> 00:46:03.500
and I wanna encourage people too,

720
00:46:03.500 --> 00:46:05.020
that may be going through this.

721
00:46:05.020 --> 00:46:07.920
People always told me when they get older, they'll see it.

722
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:09.580
And that was always hard to hear

723
00:46:09.580 --> 00:46:10.700
because when you're going through it

724
00:46:10.700 --> 00:46:12.620
and your kids are distanced because of lies

725
00:46:12.620 --> 00:46:15.540
or false information, it's a hard thing.

726
00:46:15.540 --> 00:46:17.460
But you know what, both of my girls are coming around.

727
00:46:17.460 --> 00:46:19.140
They wanna hang out with me

728
00:46:19.140 --> 00:46:20.860
and they see the truth of the matter.

729
00:46:20.860 --> 00:46:23.460
And so, there's a lot of healing there too.

730
00:46:23.460 --> 00:46:27.620
So, when I was able to hang out with Olivia

731
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:30.840
and Mikayla, to me, that was just precious.

732
00:46:30.840 --> 00:46:31.920
That was good.

733
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:33.600
It was healing for me as a dad too,

734
00:46:33.600 --> 00:46:37.180
that had distance with my girls at the time.

735
00:46:37.180 --> 00:46:38.960
But yeah, I'm excited to the opportunity.

736
00:46:38.960 --> 00:46:40.520
We talked about maybe vacations,

737
00:46:40.520 --> 00:46:42.560
future, getting them all together.

738
00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:43.760
I say that now, but I don't know,

739
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:47.040
it might be kind of a drama show.

740
00:46:47.040 --> 00:46:51.000
I don't know, but they're also different.

741
00:46:51.000 --> 00:46:52.920
They're a wide spectrum.

742
00:46:52.920 --> 00:46:54.400
But at the same time,

743
00:46:54.400 --> 00:46:56.160
that's part of the fun of family, right?

744
00:46:56.160 --> 00:46:57.980
Just having the stories

745
00:46:57.980 --> 00:47:00.460
and seeing how everybody mixes together

746
00:47:00.460 --> 00:47:03.460
and how they connect with each other, so.

747
00:47:03.460 --> 00:47:06.340
Yeah, and I remember, on the flip side of that,

748
00:47:06.340 --> 00:47:09.100
so the first time Brian's youngest daughter,

749
00:47:09.100 --> 00:47:13.000
Cassid came to visit and she stayed with us for a few days.

750
00:47:14.700 --> 00:47:16.160
Maybe it was on her second visit,

751
00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:21.160
but I just remember how much of an honor it was

752
00:47:21.700 --> 00:47:24.940
as I had an opportunity to talk to her.

753
00:47:25.880 --> 00:47:29.680
God, I feel super blessed to even say this out loud,

754
00:47:29.680 --> 00:47:34.440
but God used me to open the door

755
00:47:34.440 --> 00:47:38.220
for Cassid and Brian to have a really important conversation

756
00:47:38.220 --> 00:47:41.840
that they had never had up to that point.

757
00:47:41.840 --> 00:47:45.240
And so I went out on the patio

758
00:47:45.240 --> 00:47:47.640
and just hung out by the fire by myself

759
00:47:47.640 --> 00:47:52.000
and they had this amazing time to talk.

760
00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:53.840
And so the reason I bring that up is kind of,

761
00:47:53.860 --> 00:47:57.060
Brian brought up kind of an interesting point.

762
00:47:57.060 --> 00:48:00.780
I was used to having Mikayla and Olivia's full attention

763
00:48:00.780 --> 00:48:01.820
anytime they were with me.

764
00:48:01.820 --> 00:48:04.340
And so, yeah, of course it is an adjustment

765
00:48:04.340 --> 00:48:07.500
when the other person is starting to connect with them,

766
00:48:07.500 --> 00:48:09.940
but hopefully that we don't feel jealous.

767
00:48:09.940 --> 00:48:11.680
Hopefully we feel happy about that.

768
00:48:11.680 --> 00:48:14.660
So when I went outside to the fire,

769
00:48:14.660 --> 00:48:15.500
I didn't feel like,

770
00:48:15.500 --> 00:48:18.340
oh, he's spending time with his daughter now.

771
00:48:18.340 --> 00:48:20.700
It was like, yes, God, you're doing this.

772
00:48:20.700 --> 00:48:23.260
I feel it, this is awesome.

773
00:48:23.280 --> 00:48:26.340
And just really praying for them

774
00:48:26.340 --> 00:48:27.680
while I was sitting out there

775
00:48:27.680 --> 00:48:30.200
and just seeing what God was doing.

776
00:48:30.200 --> 00:48:32.040
And since then she's come

777
00:48:32.040 --> 00:48:34.400
and she's stayed several times with us.

778
00:48:36.120 --> 00:48:38.160
We don't talk like all the time, her and I,

779
00:48:38.160 --> 00:48:43.120
but I know that she trusts me and that's a huge win.

780
00:48:43.120 --> 00:48:43.960
We're still working on-

781
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:46.840
He's even talking about moving out to Florida now too.

782
00:48:46.840 --> 00:48:47.800
I know.

783
00:48:47.800 --> 00:48:49.880
And so his oldest daughter,

784
00:48:49.880 --> 00:48:51.560
we're still kind of working on that,

785
00:48:51.580 --> 00:48:54.220
that God's doing some really awesome stuff there.

786
00:48:54.220 --> 00:48:57.300
So I wanna encourage those of you that aren't sure,

787
00:48:57.300 --> 00:48:59.680
even how things are gonna turn out with your own children,

788
00:48:59.680 --> 00:49:02.460
let alone maybe someone else's children that you might meet,

789
00:49:02.460 --> 00:49:04.620
that you would just pray and really trust the Lord

790
00:49:04.620 --> 00:49:07.380
and surrender those relationships to him fully

791
00:49:07.380 --> 00:49:10.260
because he does, God does the best work.

792
00:49:10.260 --> 00:49:12.380
He really, really does.

793
00:49:12.380 --> 00:49:13.660
Brian, thanks for sharing that.

794
00:49:13.660 --> 00:49:16.400
So Ralph and Diana, I wanna come back to you

795
00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:17.980
and just have you all share a little bit

796
00:49:17.980 --> 00:49:18.920
about what I was saying,

797
00:49:18.920 --> 00:49:22.220
but also let everybody know how long you've been married.

798
00:49:23.260 --> 00:49:25.940
It'll be three years, December 2nd.

799
00:49:28.180 --> 00:49:29.580
Yeah, so it's been a minute.

800
00:49:31.220 --> 00:49:36.220
And we're still, I mean, it's not like the five month mark,

801
00:49:36.900 --> 00:49:39.820
but we're still working out all of those things

802
00:49:39.820 --> 00:49:42.860
because I moved here.

803
00:49:43.800 --> 00:49:48.800
And so Diana had everything established

804
00:49:50.120 --> 00:49:55.120
and all of those little house rules were established

805
00:49:56.000 --> 00:50:00.000
and I had my own house rules, which are different.

806
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:10.800
than her house rules. So we've been working through that. And it's all, for me, those things,

807
00:50:10.800 --> 00:50:19.760
like I recognized early on that, you know, I need to be, and I am adaptable in general,

808
00:50:20.720 --> 00:50:27.280
I need to be adaptable because, you know, this house, the way that it functions,

809
00:50:27.920 --> 00:50:36.160
this is what she's known for how many years, 10 years? In that same house? Yeah. 15. Yeah,

810
00:50:36.160 --> 00:50:45.520
for 15 years. And this is what her kids know. So, you know, I don't need to come in and

811
00:50:47.200 --> 00:50:53.040
change a bunch of stuff and demand that things be done right just because I do them the right way.

812
00:50:53.760 --> 00:51:02.480
Um, so yeah, so for me, it was really just like adapting. And, you know, there were some things

813
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:09.760
that we had to work through, like dishes is a great example of that, like, I can't, I can't

814
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:18.640
handle dishes sitting in the sink. And for me, you know, you guys talked about taking your stuff

815
00:51:18.640 --> 00:51:23.360
from the table and putting it for me, you go to the sink, you wash your dishes, you put them away.

816
00:51:23.360 --> 00:51:30.080
And that's, you're done. And yeah, like, not even in the dishwasher, he's got a hand washer,

817
00:51:30.080 --> 00:51:33.840
I'm gonna put them away, which drives me nuts. Well, you know, when there's when there's just

818
00:51:33.840 --> 00:51:39.280
two of us, I don't see any points to me that the dishwasher is just just procrastination. So

819
00:51:41.040 --> 00:51:46.560
but but those kinds of things, you know, those can be those can turn into

820
00:51:47.040 --> 00:51:52.800
Yeah, big issues, but it's not a big issue. No, oh, my gosh. Well, that's the thing. So you can

821
00:51:52.800 --> 00:51:58.560
tell he's very humble, right? He puts up with a lot of things, my kids were mean to him,

822
00:51:59.360 --> 00:52:04.560
they would basically ignore him, or they were just straight up mean. And, you know, because,

823
00:52:05.120 --> 00:52:10.160
and my kids didn't come to our wedding, because similar to what Brian was sharing,

824
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:16.160
they had been, there was a lot of programming that was going on about me and how terrible my

825
00:52:16.160 --> 00:52:20.560
choices always are, and blah, blah, blah. So of course, me getting married to this guy,

826
00:52:20.560 --> 00:52:27.200
nobody knows is a terrible idea, and whatever. So and Ralph's children are grown. And so one of his

827
00:52:27.200 --> 00:52:31.600
sons was able to come to our wedding. But the other ones actually liked me. So that was good.

828
00:52:31.600 --> 00:52:38.960
But our kids have never met, really. Not yet. No. So yeah, so then he comes in, he moves into

829
00:52:38.960 --> 00:52:44.800
the house after the wedding, and they're mean. And so it was, it was a lot, but he never reacted

830
00:52:44.800 --> 00:52:49.760
to them. And I think sometimes, and we have girls, I have three girls and a boy. My son actually

831
00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:54.400
didn't talk to me for a very long time. That's been since resolved, God took care of that. But

832
00:52:54.400 --> 00:52:59.120
my girls were there, and they were not very nice. But I think they were testing him.

833
00:52:59.120 --> 00:53:02.320
I think they were trying to drive me away. They really did.

834
00:53:02.320 --> 00:53:04.640
Well, yes, maybe.

835
00:53:04.640 --> 00:53:05.760
Kind of felt like that.

836
00:53:05.760 --> 00:53:11.760
Yeah. But their father is a very reactionary person. He doesn't take anything. He's always

837
00:53:11.760 --> 00:53:19.680
offended. And so they do this stuff to Ralph, and he would just be like, didn't react. No, nothing.

838
00:53:19.680 --> 00:53:23.600
And after a while, like, then they're hanging out with him downstairs talking to him more than they

839
00:53:23.600 --> 00:53:29.680
talked to me. Just like you were saying, like, and I was glad. I mean, it was like, wow, they

840
00:53:29.680 --> 00:53:38.160
really like him. So that's, that's been amazing. But the other thing I wanted to say that kind of

841
00:53:38.160 --> 00:53:44.400
struck me was, we also just always because there was that foundation of trust, like you said,

842
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:50.800
Bethany, and just really respecting each other, we would just laugh when because like Ralph has

843
00:53:50.800 --> 00:53:54.240
these things that I call him his things, like he's got to do them, these little things he does,

844
00:53:54.240 --> 00:54:01.840
right, like very regimented, organized, like, and I'm like, I was organized enough against him,

845
00:54:01.840 --> 00:54:07.920
I'm like, like jack in the box. So anyways, but then we just laugh about it. Because I know that's

846
00:54:07.920 --> 00:54:13.360
how he is. That's how his brain works. That's how he has to do things in order to feel alive and safe.

847
00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:19.840
And you know, I like to have things be different. And you know, like, why are we eating the same

848
00:54:19.840 --> 00:54:25.840
food every night? Like, yeah, it's not like, you know, but it's good. It's healthy. It's we

849
00:54:25.840 --> 00:54:31.920
kind of help each other. And we just sort of find each other humorous. And our differences.

850
00:54:36.000 --> 00:54:43.840
I love this. So some people are asking, you know, just when y'all How long did you date before you

851
00:54:43.840 --> 00:54:49.760
got married? I know that Matt and Mandy said about eight months. How long did you Ralph and Diana date

852
00:54:49.760 --> 00:54:54.560
before you got married? April to December? Yeah. Well, we weren't even well, we got so

853
00:54:54.560 --> 00:54:59.840
may is when we really started. Yeah. So and then we got engaged in September.

854
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.680
So June, July, August, September is five months.

855
00:55:03.880 --> 00:55:05.080
Yeah.

856
00:55:05.600 --> 00:55:07.040
And then three more months.

857
00:55:07.040 --> 00:55:08.640
Yeah, so that was eight months.

858
00:55:08.640 --> 00:55:09.280
Yeah.

859
00:55:09.480 --> 00:55:13.640
So we have two couples that dated for eight months on here.

860
00:55:13.840 --> 00:55:15.560
Some supernatural things happening.

861
00:55:15.760 --> 00:55:20.840
Brian and I dated almost exactly to a year when we got married.

862
00:55:21.040 --> 00:55:23.120
It was almost exactly a year.

863
00:55:23.320 --> 00:55:26.840
And yeah, so we have some couples in our

864
00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:31.120
community that have dated significantly longer because of adjustments with

865
00:55:31.320 --> 00:55:34.240
children or other dynamics and things like that.

866
00:55:34.440 --> 00:55:39.680
So we have all varying lengths of time for our couples in our community.

867
00:55:39.880 --> 00:55:42.000
But I love that you guys were talking

868
00:55:42.200 --> 00:55:46.160
about just even Diana, that you brought up that in the beginning,

869
00:55:46.360 --> 00:55:50.200
as hard as that was, that your kids were mean to him.

870
00:55:50.400 --> 00:55:52.200
And y'all, this is real talk.

871
00:55:52.400 --> 00:55:56.240
This stuff will really happen in some of your lives and families.

872
00:55:56.440 --> 00:56:01.760
But I love, Ralph, that you did not react to them.

873
00:56:01.960 --> 00:56:05.240
We actually talked about delaying getting

874
00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:11.200
married and took a week or two to pray about it.

875
00:56:11.400 --> 00:56:16.320
And I was more of willing to, you know,

876
00:56:16.520 --> 00:56:22.240
give them more time to adjust, but they were so dug in that.

877
00:56:22.440 --> 00:56:23.600
Yeah.

878
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:26.480
It's just I don't think it would have mattered.

879
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:28.080
As a matter of fact, it might have made

880
00:56:28.280 --> 00:56:33.440
things worse and might have made the adjustment be even longer.

881
00:56:33.640 --> 00:56:35.520
One thing

882
00:56:35.720 --> 00:56:39.400
they Diana and her ex had shared custody.

883
00:56:39.600 --> 00:56:43.440
So it was one week on one week off.

884
00:56:43.640 --> 00:56:48.080
About six weeks after we got married,

885
00:56:48.280 --> 00:56:52.640
her middle daughter came to her and said, mom, I want to talk to you.

886
00:56:52.840 --> 00:56:57.600
And so I heard that and I'm like, oh, boy, what's this going to be?

887
00:56:57.800 --> 00:57:02.560
She decided she wanted to live with us full time.

888
00:57:02.760 --> 00:57:03.600
Yeah.

889
00:57:03.800 --> 00:57:05.240
So that's awesome.

890
00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:07.200
Yeah. Which

891
00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:13.200
when you think about it, like where where we were at the time we got married and

892
00:57:13.400 --> 00:57:20.760
she was the most vocal about not having not just not having it, you know,

893
00:57:21.320 --> 00:57:25.080
so I have another question for you just as we're talking about this.

894
00:57:25.280 --> 00:57:29.480
I don't want to forget to talk about your dating experiences.

895
00:57:29.680 --> 00:57:31.000
OK,

896
00:57:31.800 --> 00:57:35.360
Matt and Mandy, I can't remember if you all were local to each other or not.

897
00:57:35.560 --> 00:57:38.080
I in my mind, I can't recall that.

898
00:57:38.280 --> 00:57:40.160
But Ralph and Diana, you were long distance.

899
00:57:40.360 --> 00:57:41.640
So have you unmuted right now?

900
00:57:41.840 --> 00:57:46.520
Tell us what did that look like for you in the dating season?

901
00:57:46.680 --> 00:57:51.680
Did you stay in your in the states you were in the whole time you were dating?

902
00:57:51.880 --> 00:57:54.800
Or like Brian and I, like I ended up moving

903
00:57:55.000 --> 00:58:00.680
to Indiana to live closer to him, to date more locally before we officially got

904
00:58:00.880 --> 00:58:06.720
engaged, which I was super glad to do that because I saw him in his environment

905
00:58:06.920 --> 00:58:11.280
like the real deal, like how does he live and all the things.

906
00:58:11.480 --> 00:58:13.920
But how did you guys date long distance?

907
00:58:13.920 --> 00:58:15.000
What did that look like?

908
00:58:15.200 --> 00:58:17.160
So we.

909
00:58:17.360 --> 00:58:20.440
We had our first date in April.

910
00:58:20.640 --> 00:58:27.120
I decided to come in May for a visit.

911
00:58:27.320 --> 00:58:29.080
Community is important to me.

912
00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:33.560
And she was telling me she's been at the same church for like 30,

913
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:38.960
I don't know how many, 35 years or more for a long time.

914
00:58:39.160 --> 00:58:41.080
And she was telling me about all this community.

915
00:58:41.280 --> 00:58:44.360
So I like I wanted to I want to see this community.

916
00:58:44.360 --> 00:58:46.320
I want to meet these people.

917
00:58:46.520 --> 00:58:48.880
So I made a trip.

918
00:58:49.080 --> 00:58:56.560
To to New York and stayed with while I stayed in an Airbnb,

919
00:58:56.760 --> 00:59:03.320
kind of an Airbnb one night and then stayed with some friends of hers.

920
00:59:03.520 --> 00:59:10.800
And we had some time in person and I was I don't know if we have time to get into

921
00:59:10.800 --> 00:59:15.520
this, but I was pretty locked down at that time, like we were dating and we were

922
00:59:15.720 --> 00:59:20.080
talking, but I had had just a lot of experiences.

923
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:22.800
I was so afraid that

924
00:59:23.000 --> 00:59:30.000
to make the wrong decision that I was just I was locked up.

925
00:59:30.200 --> 00:59:32.760
I remember you going through that, Ralph,

926
00:59:32.960 --> 00:59:37.400
actually, because just when you were navigating that in the community at times,

927
00:59:37.400 --> 00:59:41.320
I just remember you sharing during some of the love seats back then.

928
00:59:41.520 --> 00:59:42.720
Yeah, yeah.

929
00:59:42.920 --> 00:59:48.880
And you all this is the reason I mention that is because Ralph showed up to community.

930
00:59:49.080 --> 00:59:50.320
He was at stuff.

931
00:59:50.520 --> 00:59:51.880
He was getting the coaching.

932
00:59:52.080 --> 00:59:53.320
He was sharing.

933
00:59:53.520 --> 00:59:57.000
And I kind of felt like you were like a brother.

934
00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:59.880
I remember the first time I just thanked you for what you shared.

935
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.200
just the kind things that you said

936
01:00:02.200 --> 01:00:05.520
that just really encouraged me and my journey too.

937
01:00:05.520 --> 01:00:08.800
And so for the men on here, I just want you to know,

938
01:00:08.800 --> 01:00:12.260
and for ladies, not every time that we just say thank you

939
01:00:12.260 --> 01:00:13.520
to the guys in our community

940
01:00:13.520 --> 01:00:16.040
has to mean it turns into something.

941
01:00:16.040 --> 01:00:18.520
It is okay to just cheer each other on,

942
01:00:18.520 --> 01:00:21.860
but for the men, God may use you in that way

943
01:00:21.860 --> 01:00:23.500
with some of the ladies in the community

944
01:00:23.500 --> 01:00:25.440
just to be a blessing and encourage them

945
01:00:25.440 --> 01:00:26.600
and be a brother in Christ.

946
01:00:26.600 --> 01:00:29.760
And it's so important, right?

947
01:00:29.800 --> 01:00:34.400
But I'm so grateful to just continue to see

948
01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:38.380
how your story has unfolded and all the things.

949
01:00:38.380 --> 01:00:40.880
So you guys saw each other in April,

950
01:00:40.880 --> 01:00:43.120
you saw each other in May.

951
01:00:43.120 --> 01:00:45.800
How many other times did you all visit each other?

952
01:00:45.800 --> 01:00:50.800
So I came back and I was praying about,

953
01:00:52.720 --> 01:00:56.180
before I left on the May trip,

954
01:00:57.180 --> 01:01:01.260
I was just gonna go and check out the community.

955
01:01:01.260 --> 01:01:06.100
And the Lord told me, like I heard,

956
01:01:08.340 --> 01:01:13.300
he told me to go and see

957
01:01:13.300 --> 01:01:15.500
if this is where I should move to.

958
01:01:16.580 --> 01:01:18.120
Okay.

959
01:01:18.120 --> 01:01:20.460
And I'm like, I don't wanna move to New York,

960
01:01:21.620 --> 01:01:25.780
but I'm gonna do, you know, I was obedient.

961
01:01:26.380 --> 01:01:27.420
So it was all steps of obedience.

962
01:01:27.420 --> 01:01:30.540
And that was all, that was, you know, again, part of this.

963
01:01:30.540 --> 01:01:32.980
I was like really locked up.

964
01:01:32.980 --> 01:01:35.180
Yeah, the thing that happened is,

965
01:01:35.180 --> 01:01:38.940
and then in June, my employer sent me back to Austin.

966
01:01:38.940 --> 01:01:39.780
Yeah.

967
01:01:39.780 --> 01:01:40.600
So Jackie would laugh.

968
01:01:40.600 --> 01:01:43.020
She's like, so your employer is paying for you

969
01:01:43.020 --> 01:01:44.060
to go visit your boyfriend.

970
01:01:44.060 --> 01:01:46.060
I'm like, yeah, kind of.

971
01:01:46.060 --> 01:01:48.700
Yeah, you had, it was like twice, right?

972
01:01:48.700 --> 01:01:49.620
That you came?

973
01:01:49.620 --> 01:01:50.460
Yeah.

974
01:01:50.460 --> 01:01:52.540
I mean, I did my work, but I would, yeah,

975
01:01:52.540 --> 01:01:54.300
I got to see him again in person

976
01:01:54.300 --> 01:01:55.500
and meet more of his community.

977
01:01:56.220 --> 01:01:58.500
So there was this little bit of back forth

978
01:01:58.500 --> 01:01:59.820
and then you decided.

979
01:01:59.820 --> 01:02:04.380
So I decided to just pack up and move.

980
01:02:04.380 --> 01:02:09.380
So it was really, the packing up part was really difficult.

981
01:02:12.340 --> 01:02:17.340
There was a lot of stuff like that from my first wife

982
01:02:22.260 --> 01:02:24.780
that I just, I was so used to seeing it

983
01:02:24.780 --> 01:02:27.260
that I didn't see it anymore.

984
01:02:27.260 --> 01:02:28.100
Yeah.

985
01:02:28.100 --> 01:02:30.940
So you can't just throw that stuff away.

986
01:02:30.940 --> 01:02:31.780
Yeah.

987
01:02:31.780 --> 01:02:34.020
So I had to go through it and okay,

988
01:02:34.020 --> 01:02:36.140
which kid is going to want this

989
01:02:36.140 --> 01:02:40.580
and kind of divvy it up amongst my kids.

990
01:02:40.580 --> 01:02:41.900
And some things I could,

991
01:02:41.900 --> 01:02:46.460
like there was a lot of like records and stuff

992
01:02:46.460 --> 01:02:48.140
that didn't need to be kept.

993
01:02:48.140 --> 01:02:50.380
But anyway, that was really,

994
01:02:50.380 --> 01:02:52.580
that was very stressful packing up,

995
01:02:52.580 --> 01:02:55.620
but I did, got it all loaded up

996
01:02:55.620 --> 01:02:58.420
and actually shipped it to New York.

997
01:02:58.420 --> 01:03:02.780
I rented a small townhouse less than a mile

998
01:03:02.780 --> 01:03:04.540
away from Diana's house.

999
01:03:06.620 --> 01:03:09.300
And I worked, I'm remote.

1000
01:03:09.300 --> 01:03:14.300
So I was able to work remotely and same job.

1001
01:03:15.340 --> 01:03:20.340
So that wasn't changing everything in my life.

1002
01:03:21.580 --> 01:03:22.420
Yeah.

1003
01:03:23.260 --> 01:03:25.540
So I came here in July.

1004
01:03:25.540 --> 01:03:27.140
Way to go.

1005
01:03:27.140 --> 01:03:29.660
Or August rather, yeah.

1006
01:03:29.660 --> 01:03:31.940
And you all, this is the thing.

1007
01:03:31.940 --> 01:03:34.260
This is where, again, it's so important.

1008
01:03:34.260 --> 01:03:35.900
I had my heels dug in.

1009
01:03:35.900 --> 01:03:37.740
I'm not moving because my girls,

1010
01:03:37.740 --> 01:03:39.940
I did not want to move away from them.

1011
01:03:39.940 --> 01:03:44.700
And I remember the first time I went to Indiana

1012
01:03:44.700 --> 01:03:47.780
and visited, I met Brian's mom

1013
01:03:47.780 --> 01:03:50.380
and his youngest of the two sisters,

1014
01:03:51.220 --> 01:03:53.100
went to lunch with the three of them.

1015
01:03:54.300 --> 01:03:57.940
And his mom never asked me to move there

1016
01:03:57.940 --> 01:03:58.820
or anything like that.

1017
01:03:58.820 --> 01:04:01.180
But she was just talking about Brian's dad

1018
01:04:01.180 --> 01:04:04.500
who had passed away about a year before,

1019
01:04:04.500 --> 01:04:07.140
approximately, I think before I met Brian.

1020
01:04:07.140 --> 01:04:09.140
So it was still pretty fresh for her.

1021
01:04:09.140 --> 01:04:11.260
And as she was talking about it,

1022
01:04:11.260 --> 01:04:14.140
I just heard the Lord say to me,

1023
01:04:14.140 --> 01:04:15.580
you need to move here.

1024
01:04:16.500 --> 01:04:20.060
Like, don't ask him to move from his mom right now.

1025
01:04:22.060 --> 01:04:25.380
And I knew in my spirit that she needed him.

1026
01:04:25.380 --> 01:04:27.620
She needed him to be there a little bit longer.

1027
01:04:27.620 --> 01:04:31.140
Cause Brian had been in California for like 20 some years

1028
01:04:31.140 --> 01:04:35.420
and he had just been back just a short time in Indiana

1029
01:04:35.420 --> 01:04:37.220
before his father passed away.

1030
01:04:37.220 --> 01:04:39.780
And just, you know, God was really working there.

1031
01:04:39.780 --> 01:04:44.780
And so being willing to hear that and was it scary?

1032
01:04:44.900 --> 01:04:45.820
Yeah.

1033
01:04:45.820 --> 01:04:47.860
Was I sad at times?

1034
01:04:47.860 --> 01:04:48.700
Yep.

1035
01:04:48.700 --> 01:04:51.460
I sure was because my girls were in Kentucky

1036
01:04:51.460 --> 01:04:53.020
and I wasn't there.

1037
01:04:53.020 --> 01:04:54.580
But y'all, you know what?

1038
01:04:54.580 --> 01:04:56.900
I got in my car and every couple of months

1039
01:04:56.900 --> 01:04:59.380
I drove to Kentucky and I stayed there for the weekend.

1040
01:04:59.380 --> 01:05:00.220
Sometimes Brian-

1041
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.420
I came sometimes I went by myself and I figured it out and I made it work.

1042
01:05:04.420 --> 01:05:09.680
It's a little harder now that we're in Florida, but we still see them every

1043
01:05:09.680 --> 01:05:14.540
couple of months, um, and, and God is continuing to help us navigate that.

1044
01:05:14.860 --> 01:05:19.500
And so I just don't want you all to be afraid of change and something that

1045
01:05:19.500 --> 01:05:21.660
Ralph said, I think is really important.

1046
01:05:21.660 --> 01:05:26.860
And I feel like we need to mention it tonight is that not just

1047
01:05:26.860 --> 01:05:28.700
people who have lost spouses.

1048
01:05:28.740 --> 01:05:33.140
You know, uh, people that have passed away, but everybody, you know, just

1049
01:05:33.140 --> 01:05:36.940
that reminder, Diana, you talked about it too, that when Jackie said, Hey,

1050
01:05:36.940 --> 01:05:40.080
like if you have things from prior relationships, you really need to

1051
01:05:40.460 --> 01:05:42.100
pray and get rid of that stuff.

1052
01:05:42.100 --> 01:05:47.540
And so for those of you that are saying you're ready for your spirit mate,

1053
01:05:47.960 --> 01:05:53.140
and you haven't even considered, you know, going through stuff to like, Hey,

1054
01:05:53.140 --> 01:05:56.420
do I need to keep this in my life moving forward?

1055
01:05:56.840 --> 01:05:59.180
You probably want to start praying about that.

1056
01:05:59.180 --> 01:06:02.980
That was something that God had me doing before Brian came in my life.

1057
01:06:02.980 --> 01:06:04.060
And it makes sense.

1058
01:06:04.060 --> 01:06:08.620
I still had way too much stuff when I moved you all, but I had gotten rid of,

1059
01:06:09.140 --> 01:06:10.660
y'all, I don't know where this stuff comes from.

1060
01:06:12.380 --> 01:06:14.020
It just keeps growing every time we move.

1061
01:06:14.020 --> 01:06:15.180
I'm like, where'd that come from?

1062
01:06:15.540 --> 01:06:21.980
But, um, literally, um, I remember when I got in my closet, cause see, I

1063
01:06:21.980 --> 01:06:23.480
had moved out of my mom's house.

1064
01:06:23.480 --> 01:06:26.880
And so at one point when my mom passed away, my brother brought me all these

1065
01:06:26.880 --> 01:06:31.960
boxes, I didn't even remember that I had them and I was going through these boxes

1066
01:06:31.960 --> 01:06:35.860
and I opened one y'all, there were notes from my high school boyfriend and teddy

1067
01:06:35.860 --> 01:06:37.200
bears and all kinds of stuff.

1068
01:06:37.640 --> 01:06:40.160
And I was like, Oh my gosh, I didn't even know I was lugging this

1069
01:06:40.160 --> 01:06:42.040
around from one place to the other.

1070
01:06:42.360 --> 01:06:44.280
And so I got rid of all that stuff.

1071
01:06:44.280 --> 01:06:45.640
I don't need that, you know?

1072
01:06:46.240 --> 01:06:50.960
And so you might be surprised what you find when you start going through your

1073
01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:54.160
stuff, but seriously, you all need to make room for the new that God wants to

1074
01:06:54.160 --> 01:06:54.760
bring you.

1075
01:06:55.440 --> 01:06:57.080
Um, and it will help you.

1076
01:06:57.160 --> 01:06:57.920
Yeah, go ahead, Brian.

1077
01:06:58.760 --> 01:07:01.400
I was just going to add kind of what you were saying too, about being open to

1078
01:07:01.400 --> 01:07:07.720
change, because I mean, I look back, we talked about this the other day, Bethany

1079
01:07:07.720 --> 01:07:13.720
signed up and she said, yes, when I was in that transition time, getting back

1080
01:07:13.720 --> 01:07:16.520
into ministry, I was at a small church in a small town.

1081
01:07:17.160 --> 01:07:23.480
We, we laugh, like I joke when I cook, it's usually with a drive-through and I

1082
01:07:23.480 --> 01:07:27.160
say, Hey, dinner's ready when I come back home, but all that to say, like I

1083
01:07:27.160 --> 01:07:31.800
would drive to like 30, 40 minutes or crack, like just to get to a decent

1084
01:07:31.800 --> 01:07:32.800
restaurant like that.

1085
01:07:32.800 --> 01:07:36.320
Cause we were out in the middle of nowhere, but she said yes to that.

1086
01:07:36.760 --> 01:07:41.680
And to me, as we talk about that, I think sometimes we think when we say yes, or

1087
01:07:42.640 --> 01:07:46.840
we think we're compromising like locations, but really it's signing up for

1088
01:07:46.840 --> 01:07:51.560
a journey, um, because if you want to grow, like change is required, you

1089
01:07:51.560 --> 01:07:53.160
have to change in order to grow.

1090
01:07:53.640 --> 01:07:57.320
And so here we are and we're now in Florida.

1091
01:07:57.720 --> 01:07:58.680
We love the state.

1092
01:07:58.680 --> 01:07:59.760
We love where we are.

1093
01:08:00.200 --> 01:08:04.360
We just had a pastor's spouse retreat last month that sent us to

1094
01:08:04.360 --> 01:08:06.000
the Ritz Carlton in Naples.

1095
01:08:06.440 --> 01:08:09.120
Um, and we're still kind of, yeah.

1096
01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:12.640
And so like God's just blessed tremendously, but it took her

1097
01:08:12.640 --> 01:08:14.440
signing up for a small town.

1098
01:08:14.480 --> 01:08:17.359
I think like a few hundred people, like less than a thousand

1099
01:08:17.640 --> 01:08:19.600
and a denomination y'all.

1100
01:08:19.680 --> 01:08:24.279
I'm just going to say it, that I was never planning to be a part of.

1101
01:08:24.600 --> 01:08:25.040
Okay.

1102
01:08:25.040 --> 01:08:28.560
Let me just say it, but got his letters to a different

1103
01:08:28.880 --> 01:08:29.439
out of that.

1104
01:08:29.600 --> 01:08:30.120
Yeah.

1105
01:08:30.200 --> 01:08:30.520
Yeah.

1106
01:08:30.560 --> 01:08:33.920
But all that to say, I think sometimes we may not even realize it and this

1107
01:08:33.920 --> 01:08:37.080
isn't only dating, but life circumstances decisions.

1108
01:08:37.359 --> 01:08:41.399
Sometimes we think we're saying no to certain things, but we're saying no to

1109
01:08:41.399 --> 01:08:45.840
journeys that may take us to amazing blessings that had God has for us.

1110
01:08:46.399 --> 01:08:49.960
So I just say that to be open to possibilities, of course, there's

1111
01:08:49.960 --> 01:08:55.720
non-negotiables, but you know, look to sign up for the journey, not necessarily

1112
01:08:55.720 --> 01:09:00.439
just a geographical location because we're living, we're both living our best

1113
01:09:00.439 --> 01:09:03.000
life now and it's, it's been amazing.

1114
01:09:03.560 --> 01:09:07.439
Um, I'm about to turn 50 next year.

1115
01:09:07.760 --> 01:09:11.160
Um, but I'm excited because I think, you know, with Bethany is going to be the

1116
01:09:11.160 --> 01:09:13.160
best, one of the best decades of my life.

1117
01:09:13.760 --> 01:09:19.680
So, and if she said no to a small town, she, you know, we both would be

1118
01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:21.000
kind of missing out on this journey.

1119
01:09:21.240 --> 01:09:25.120
So just something to keep in mind, cause I know long distance is a big thing.

1120
01:09:25.800 --> 01:09:29.080
And I guess I never considered we would be, or I would be long

1121
01:09:29.080 --> 01:09:31.399
distance, but I'm glad we did.

1122
01:09:31.760 --> 01:09:33.000
I mean, look at, yeah.

1123
01:09:33.000 --> 01:09:35.520
So just one quick, yeah.

1124
01:09:35.560 --> 01:09:36.359
Just real quick.

1125
01:09:36.399 --> 01:09:38.960
Some people were asking about long distance and I'm getting ready

1126
01:09:38.960 --> 01:09:40.760
to come back to the couples again.

1127
01:09:41.160 --> 01:09:47.080
Um, I would love to have y'all share, um, a piece of advice that something

1128
01:09:47.080 --> 01:09:52.160
that you just think would help our people, you know, whether it's have hope

1129
01:09:52.160 --> 01:09:56.960
for their love story or something that you've learned, whatever, whatever comes

1130
01:09:56.960 --> 01:10:00.000
to mind, um, and, and there's nothing too small.

1131
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.600
all to say too, because you never know how that's going to impact the people that are

1132
01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:10.200
here in this. But when we did long distance, Brian literally drove for the first about

1133
01:10:10.200 --> 01:10:16.840
month and a half every Friday night from Indiana to Kentucky. We would go on a date on Friday

1134
01:10:16.840 --> 01:10:21.200
and it's like about four hours. It was about four, four and a half depending on what part

1135
01:10:21.200 --> 01:10:27.920
of Indiana he was in. We would go on a date on Friday night. He would stay in a hotel

1136
01:10:27.920 --> 01:10:32.800
and then we would have a mini date in the morning, maybe till lunch. And then he would

1137
01:10:32.800 --> 01:10:39.420
have to drive back because he had to prepare his message for Sunday. So that's how we,

1138
01:10:39.420 --> 01:10:44.400
you know, like I only saw him once a week, you know, for long distance, that's pretty

1139
01:10:44.400 --> 01:10:50.260
good. But we did one video date a week too. We didn't rush things. We weren't talking

1140
01:10:50.260 --> 01:10:56.560
on the phone every single night. He had a life and I had a life that we needed to be

1141
01:10:56.560 --> 01:11:03.920
like able to live. Both of us in the past had abusive people that try to control everything.

1142
01:11:03.920 --> 01:11:09.800
And for myself, I lost myself in other people pretty frequently. So one of the things we

1143
01:11:09.800 --> 01:11:14.880
talked about early on was we're going to set some boundaries so that we don't do that.

1144
01:11:14.880 --> 01:11:21.080
And so even when we first got married every Tuesday night, we'd both be at home, but Brian

1145
01:11:21.080 --> 01:11:26.240
would go and do whatever it was on, you know, he likes to game or Lego or whatever. He would

1146
01:11:26.240 --> 01:11:30.920
go do his thing. And I'd do my girl thing and watch a girl movie or whatever I felt

1147
01:11:30.920 --> 01:11:35.720
like doing. And just had a little bit of time apart. And I think that's really healthy for

1148
01:11:35.720 --> 01:11:41.240
y'all to be thinking about those things too. As you're preparing your heart to be with

1149
01:11:41.240 --> 01:11:48.240
someone that it is okay. As you're dating to keep, you know, that that separateness

1150
01:11:48.240 --> 01:11:55.160
a little bit so that you can really process even your dates, right. But it was it wasn't

1151
01:11:55.160 --> 01:11:59.920
always easy. I remember one weekend he was supposed to come and he got sick. He got COVID

1152
01:11:59.920 --> 01:12:06.080
and he couldn't come and I was super bummed. But we just ended up getting on our laptops.

1153
01:12:06.080 --> 01:12:10.200
We watched the same TV show and then talked about it a little bit and just tried to hang

1154
01:12:10.200 --> 01:12:15.960
out. You can get really creative if you want to make something work and you really want

1155
01:12:15.960 --> 01:12:21.080
to see what God is going to do. You find a way like we would send each other fun little

1156
01:12:21.080 --> 01:12:27.720
game questions back and forth. And I remember one of our fun like video dates where like

1157
01:12:27.720 --> 01:12:32.880
I was like, okay, bring three of your favorite things. And we're going to get on the video

1158
01:12:32.880 --> 01:12:38.240
chat and share them with each other. And that's all that's all I said. And so we showed up

1159
01:12:38.240 --> 01:12:42.240
with our three things and talked about them and we learned about each other. So again,

1160
01:12:42.240 --> 01:12:47.480
just trying to give you guys ideas for those of you that are dating. And I did Google searches

1161
01:12:47.480 --> 01:12:54.520
you all. Google's my friend. It can be your friend too. And what did I search? Fun dating

1162
01:12:54.520 --> 01:13:00.960
questions. No brainer. And I just looked for the clean ones. I did not ask any kind of

1163
01:13:00.960 --> 01:13:06.000
that would lead to potentially sexual conversations. I steered away from all that stuff and just

1164
01:13:06.000 --> 01:13:10.760
kept it light and fun. And that was a huge blessing to our initial time of getting to

1165
01:13:10.760 --> 01:13:18.880
know each other. And so Matt and Wendy, sorry, Matt and Mandy, what would be advice you would

1166
01:13:18.880 --> 01:13:28.680
give to our community tonight? I think for me, just being still a little bit like on

1167
01:13:28.680 --> 01:13:37.200
the profile of the community, I see a lot of the ladies being discouraged or the men.

1168
01:13:37.200 --> 01:13:43.800
And I think what finally worked for me is really believing every no leads me is getting

1169
01:13:43.800 --> 01:13:51.560
me closer to my yes. And so I, that was sort of the thing that turned the tide for me from

1170
01:13:51.560 --> 01:13:59.800
being discouraged to really, truly having hope. And, and then just saying, okay, God,

1171
01:13:59.800 --> 01:14:04.360
what can I, what, what, what are you teaching me? Or what can I glean from that interaction

1172
01:14:04.360 --> 01:14:12.600
or from that day or, you know, whatever it is. And being willing to just walk away because

1173
01:14:12.600 --> 01:14:18.120
you know, that you can just trust that God has something better. My life with Matt is

1174
01:14:18.120 --> 01:14:24.280
exponentially better than I could have ever imagined my life could have ever been. And,

1175
01:14:24.280 --> 01:14:31.360
and it doesn't mean that it's easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it truly is more than I could

1176
01:14:31.360 --> 01:14:36.560
have ever asked or imagine. It's like, I, I say this often to him. It wasn't even like

1177
01:14:36.560 --> 01:14:43.520
I wished for what we have. I didn't even know that that existed. It wasn't even on the radar.

1178
01:14:43.520 --> 01:14:51.120
And so, so I would say, I know it's probably doesn't sound like a huge thing, but you have

1179
01:14:51.120 --> 01:14:59.680
to find ways to continue to have hope. You can't get discouraged. And I, another

1180
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.920
another person that I met in the community

1181
01:15:03.920 --> 01:15:05.420
who is now married as well.

1182
01:15:06.400 --> 01:15:08.600
Her and I used to say that,

1183
01:15:08.600 --> 01:15:10.720
we worked those prayer calls like a job,

1184
01:15:11.760 --> 01:15:13.120
not the dating apps like a job,

1185
01:15:13.120 --> 01:15:15.880
but like we showed up to every prayer call,

1186
01:15:15.880 --> 01:15:17.320
we showed up every Saturday,

1187
01:15:17.320 --> 01:15:19.840
we were taking notes, we'd compare notes.

1188
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:23.600
If Bethany was doing something,

1189
01:15:23.600 --> 01:15:25.720
I mean, this is going way back

1190
01:15:25.720 --> 01:15:29.040
where Bethany would speak a word over somebody,

1191
01:15:29.040 --> 01:15:31.000
like we were there, like give it,

1192
01:15:31.000 --> 01:15:31.840
you know what I mean?

1193
01:15:31.840 --> 01:15:33.520
Like, let's do this.

1194
01:15:33.520 --> 01:15:34.880
Anything that I could do,

1195
01:15:34.880 --> 01:15:36.520
any book I could read, anything,

1196
01:15:36.520 --> 01:15:37.520
it was just like, literally,

1197
01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:39.200
I was consuming as much as I could.

1198
01:15:39.200 --> 01:15:44.080
And then Jackie would challenge us to put it into practice.

1199
01:15:44.080 --> 01:15:47.000
And then the like seven date challenge or whatever,

1200
01:15:47.000 --> 01:15:50.720
and you're just like, oh my gosh, seven people.

1201
01:15:50.720 --> 01:15:52.560
But you do the thing, right?

1202
01:15:52.560 --> 01:15:54.280
You just do the thing because you believe in it

1203
01:15:54.280 --> 01:15:55.800
because what else are you gonna believe in?

1204
01:15:55.800 --> 01:15:58.480
Whatever you were doing before didn't work.

1205
01:15:58.480 --> 01:16:01.080
And I think the other thing I will say is

1206
01:16:04.720 --> 01:16:09.400
just really nurture your relationship with the Lord,

1207
01:16:09.400 --> 01:16:14.400
because I think storms are going to come no matter what.

1208
01:16:14.400 --> 01:16:17.200
And as long as you have the same rendezvous point,

1209
01:16:17.200 --> 01:16:19.560
like as long as you both are going back to Jesus

1210
01:16:19.560 --> 01:16:23.000
and then to each other,

1211
01:16:23.000 --> 01:16:24.880
you're gonna weather those storms.

1212
01:16:24.880 --> 01:16:28.520
And I think that's been probably one of the greatest gifts

1213
01:16:28.520 --> 01:16:33.520
in our marriage for me is how Matt and I can circle back

1214
01:16:34.560 --> 01:16:37.640
and reconcile or talk through things

1215
01:16:38.760 --> 01:16:43.240
with just openness and a curiosity

1216
01:16:43.240 --> 01:16:45.800
and just always staying curious

1217
01:16:45.800 --> 01:16:50.800
and trusting that he loves me and he's for me,

1218
01:16:51.520 --> 01:16:54.160
which is very foreign for me

1219
01:16:54.240 --> 01:16:58.720
based on my other relationship or my other marriage.

1220
01:16:58.720 --> 01:17:00.720
Just trusting that he is for me

1221
01:17:00.720 --> 01:17:04.040
has been probably one of my biggest challenges.

1222
01:17:05.400 --> 01:17:06.240
Yeah.

1223
01:17:07.760 --> 01:17:09.680
Boy, we do.

1224
01:17:09.680 --> 01:17:14.680
We comment on a marriage like we have

1225
01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:18.920
was not even on the radar.

1226
01:17:19.840 --> 01:17:24.840
So, man, when you think of advice

1227
01:17:27.000 --> 01:17:32.000
and if I can give any encouragement to anyone here,

1228
01:17:33.760 --> 01:17:38.760
one is that, man, one, God is so, God is good.

1229
01:17:39.800 --> 01:17:44.800
God is so good that he prepared Mandy for me

1230
01:17:45.800 --> 01:17:47.080
and me for her.

1231
01:17:47.080 --> 01:17:52.080
And we are truly able to have a marriage

1232
01:17:52.560 --> 01:17:57.240
that neither of us thought was possible.

1233
01:17:57.240 --> 01:18:02.240
So that's the outcome.

1234
01:18:02.320 --> 01:18:03.640
Now it is still like,

1235
01:18:05.520 --> 01:18:07.320
one of the things in within the marriage now

1236
01:18:07.320 --> 01:18:09.280
is knowing that she does love me

1237
01:18:09.280 --> 01:18:10.960
and she does want the best for me,

1238
01:18:10.960 --> 01:18:12.560
and she does want the best for me

1239
01:18:12.560 --> 01:18:15.920
even when I have no idea what planet she's on.

1240
01:18:18.160 --> 01:18:19.440
And the same more for her.

1241
01:18:23.520 --> 01:18:25.800
I, one, also within the marriage,

1242
01:18:25.800 --> 01:18:30.800
I'm like, how about we focus on just lots more grace

1243
01:18:31.000 --> 01:18:33.160
and forgiveness and more grace?

1244
01:18:33.160 --> 01:18:36.240
Again, because I realized as a husband

1245
01:18:36.240 --> 01:18:41.240
that there's so many things that I can do wrong

1246
01:18:43.840 --> 01:18:46.240
that I fall short that I,

1247
01:18:48.360 --> 01:18:51.920
and Mandy will love me.

1248
01:18:51.920 --> 01:18:54.160
And so that's even something that I have to accept

1249
01:18:54.160 --> 01:18:58.960
that as a man or as even just a person in general,

1250
01:18:59.800 --> 01:19:02.360
there's things that fall short.

1251
01:19:02.360 --> 01:19:05.000
There's expectations I don't meet.

1252
01:19:05.000 --> 01:19:08.280
And so then I come in,

1253
01:19:08.280 --> 01:19:12.800
maybe from past relationship, expecting to get it.

1254
01:19:12.800 --> 01:19:17.800
And then when Mandy gives me grace, it's just wonderful.

1255
01:19:18.080 --> 01:19:20.000
But advice.

1256
01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:23.000
So one, I heard this from Ralph and a couple other,

1257
01:19:23.000 --> 01:19:28.000
and Brian, but the idea of listening,

1258
01:19:28.000 --> 01:19:30.920
the idea of listening,

1259
01:19:31.840 --> 01:19:35.840
listening for the voice of God in any way.

1260
01:19:39.440 --> 01:19:43.360
This is coming from, I grew up Baptist,

1261
01:19:43.360 --> 01:19:48.040
and so we tried to ignore the Holy Spirit

1262
01:19:48.040 --> 01:19:49.920
as much as we could growing up.

1263
01:19:49.920 --> 01:19:53.440
And no, not really,

1264
01:19:53.440 --> 01:19:56.560
but he was the weird uncle that we didn't talk about.

1265
01:19:58.000 --> 01:19:59.360
But.

1266
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:19.000
Since then, I had a thing a few weeks into dating Mandy on my phone, her picture was on the phone, and then diagonally in bold letters. It said, wife.

1267
01:20:19.000 --> 01:20:26.000
The words were not there if I showed my phone to anyone else but I saw them as clear as day.

1268
01:20:27.000 --> 01:20:33.000
And I don't get signs from God at all.

1269
01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:42.000
But that was one clear as day, where, where then I knew.

1270
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:47.000
I knew from that point on that Mandy was my wife.

1271
01:20:47.000 --> 01:21:00.000
So, I would say be open to listen to the voice of God like even Ralph you heard him, you're moving to New York and you're like what's happening.

1272
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:11.000
That's one piece of it. And then just to, again, follow that, and then be grace filled have a foundation on the other thing.

1273
01:21:11.000 --> 01:21:21.000
Real quick is when God brought Mandy into my life. When I had flipped a switch.

1274
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:35.000
Spiritually, and it really was a flipping of the switch to where like I wanted my life to line up with what I believed.

1275
01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:50.000
I wanted my lifestyle to line up, I wanted my wife to line up, I wanted to live out my love for Jesus, and, and it was in my, it was a flip, it was a switch I had to flip and God.

1276
01:21:50.000 --> 01:21:54.000
As soon as I flipped it, Mandy showed up.

1277
01:21:54.000 --> 01:21:59.000
And, and it's been.

1278
01:21:59.000 --> 01:22:09.000
It's been really good to see God's goodness in the manifestation of our relationship.

1279
01:22:09.000 --> 01:22:19.000
And I'll say really quickly about the wife thing. The interesting part of that is and Bethany you'll remember this, and Diana I know you will too.

1280
01:22:19.000 --> 01:22:35.000
Jackie used to always not always but often she would say, pray that you're highlighted as a wife, and so I would do that going to the grocery store, drop offline pickup line for school wherever I was band concert it didn't matter I would before I would go

1281
01:22:35.000 --> 01:22:48.000
out I would say, God highlight me to, to, to who you have for me highlight me as their wife. And so I would pray that I was actively praying that when.

1282
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:59.000
So I and I don't know if those two things go together or not. Oh, I'm sure they do. I'm sure that. Yeah, I think that nothing hurts.

1283
01:22:59.000 --> 01:23:09.000
Making room in your closet, wearing white, like really manifesting and living out what you believe that is going to do I think is just so important.

1284
01:23:09.000 --> 01:23:15.000
I want you all to think about God has this really awesome mixing pot.

1285
01:23:15.000 --> 01:23:29.000
And he just loves to collect all the things you know that are going on all the prayers all the things that we're doing as we're moving towards our spirit mate and he's just up there just mixing it all together.

1286
01:23:29.000 --> 01:23:43.000
And at the right time, and you may not want to think of it that way but it makes me think of really awesome things just even now like whatever in our new season that we're seeking God for like he works all things together for good.

1287
01:23:43.000 --> 01:23:56.000
And I totally believe that God highlighted you to Matt in that moment and I do believe that the Holy Spirit can show up to anybody at any time. So just want to say that too.

1288
01:23:56.000 --> 01:24:10.000
I love that story and I love that you shared it Matt, and you're being real and I don't know if you saw but one of the brothers, one of our brothers that is on the call tonight said, as a, I forget how he said it exactly so I don't want to misquote him.

1289
01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:18.000
OMG this Baptist is resonating with that so I'm so glad that you shared it because one of our guys is resonating with you in that regard tonight.

1290
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:30.000
Ralph and Diana so we have about five minutes left would love to hear it like just a quick piece of advice from you all to our community as well.

1291
01:24:30.000 --> 01:24:38.000
My prayer during dating was really hard for me. It was exhausting.

1292
01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:46.000
Not because I was going on so many dates but because it was just harder than it should have been. It felt like.

1293
01:24:46.000 --> 01:24:51.000
I would always pray, Lord my life is not my own.

1294
01:24:51.000 --> 01:24:56.000
You can give me to whomever you choose.

1295
01:24:56.000 --> 01:24:59.000
And I would pray that and mean that.

1296
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.000
And that's how I ended up in New York,

1297
01:25:07.160 --> 01:25:09.560
married to a woman with kids at home.

1298
01:25:09.560 --> 01:25:10.800
Right.

1299
01:25:10.800 --> 01:25:12.360
And I figured nobody would want me.

1300
01:25:12.360 --> 01:25:14.360
Who wants that, right?

1301
01:25:14.360 --> 01:25:15.920
Really, honestly.

1302
01:25:15.920 --> 01:25:17.640
But I would pray every night on my knees

1303
01:25:17.640 --> 01:25:19.760
and I'd say, Lord, you know that there is somebody

1304
01:25:19.760 --> 01:25:22.980
out there who's a praying man who will love me

1305
01:25:22.980 --> 01:25:26.560
in all my mess that I bring from the past

1306
01:25:26.560 --> 01:25:28.400
and from the hurts of my first marriage

1307
01:25:28.400 --> 01:25:30.440
and will love these kids.

1308
01:25:30.440 --> 01:25:33.160
They need to know what it is to be loved and so do I.

1309
01:25:33.160 --> 01:25:36.080
And God was faithful to answer that prayer.

1310
01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:37.320
And that's the thing, we have to,

1311
01:25:37.320 --> 01:25:40.380
you have to be as much as you can in a place of faith,

1312
01:25:40.380 --> 01:25:41.960
which is why I love Jackie's program

1313
01:25:41.960 --> 01:25:45.040
because you're surrounded with faith people

1314
01:25:45.040 --> 01:25:46.480
who will believe with you,

1315
01:25:46.480 --> 01:25:49.360
even when your faith is failing, you're faltering,

1316
01:25:49.360 --> 01:25:51.400
you're like, I just don't know if God's gonna do it.

1317
01:25:51.400 --> 01:25:53.640
You stay in with the community of people

1318
01:25:53.640 --> 01:25:56.000
who will encourage you because God truly,

1319
01:25:56.000 --> 01:25:58.000
I mean, it was seven years on my knees,

1320
01:25:58.560 --> 01:25:59.960
almost every single night.

1321
01:25:59.960 --> 01:26:04.060
And look at what I got here, it's God's faithful.

1322
01:26:07.120 --> 01:26:11.580
Man, these stories have been so awesome tonight.

1323
01:26:11.580 --> 01:26:13.720
I saw a question in the chat.

1324
01:26:14.880 --> 01:26:17.400
Candy says, did Mandy introduce Matt

1325
01:26:17.400 --> 01:26:18.680
to join the LYS program?

1326
01:26:18.680 --> 01:26:21.600
I'm gonna answer that first

1327
01:26:21.600 --> 01:26:24.480
because I also wanna speak from the perspective of,

1328
01:26:24.480 --> 01:26:29.480
I did mention it to Brian when I met him,

1329
01:26:30.400 --> 01:26:33.400
but as a pastor, he's got,

1330
01:26:33.400 --> 01:26:36.800
even back then had a very full schedule.

1331
01:26:36.800 --> 01:26:39.800
He did join the men's group and would kind of jump on

1332
01:26:39.800 --> 01:26:41.340
and on occasion listen to things,

1333
01:26:41.340 --> 01:26:45.160
but he was not able to do the program at that time.

1334
01:26:45.160 --> 01:26:47.440
And so the reason I felt led to say that

1335
01:26:47.440 --> 01:26:50.520
is that I don't want you all to get discouraged

1336
01:26:50.520 --> 01:26:52.920
if you meet someone amazing

1337
01:26:52.920 --> 01:26:55.760
and they don't just become a part

1338
01:26:55.760 --> 01:26:57.840
of the community right then.

1339
01:26:57.840 --> 01:27:00.920
Little by little, I'm pulling my hubby in,

1340
01:27:03.040 --> 01:27:04.280
he doesn't have a choice.

1341
01:27:06.920 --> 01:27:08.200
No, he does, he really does.

1342
01:27:08.200 --> 01:27:13.200
But I love that he is willing on occasion.

1343
01:27:13.800 --> 01:27:15.640
I think one time I did say,

1344
01:27:15.640 --> 01:27:17.500
I do stuff for the church all the time.

1345
01:27:17.500 --> 01:27:19.760
So you get to come and do things

1346
01:27:19.760 --> 01:27:21.360
for last year's single too.

1347
01:27:22.160 --> 01:27:23.840
So yeah, I'm having a little fun,

1348
01:27:23.840 --> 01:27:27.440
but just I want you all to really understand

1349
01:27:27.440 --> 01:27:31.440
that some people, yes, invite them,

1350
01:27:31.440 --> 01:27:34.080
of course, invite them to come into the community.

1351
01:27:34.080 --> 01:27:37.600
Whether or not they're able or have the capacity

1352
01:27:37.600 --> 01:27:42.080
at that time to do it will be something

1353
01:27:42.080 --> 01:27:45.120
that you all as a couple will have to figure out.

1354
01:27:45.120 --> 01:27:48.640
Sometimes now the difference is that some men

1355
01:27:48.640 --> 01:27:50.920
haven't gone through heart healing before

1356
01:27:51.480 --> 01:27:53.040
and then they're not willing to come into the program

1357
01:27:53.040 --> 01:27:55.800
and that should be something you pay attention to.

1358
01:27:55.800 --> 01:27:57.640
Okay, so super important.

1359
01:27:57.640 --> 01:27:59.120
Go ahead, Brian, were you gonna say something?

1360
01:27:59.120 --> 01:28:00.440
I was just gonna add to that too.

1361
01:28:00.440 --> 01:28:03.040
I think like for me, my journey was different.

1362
01:28:03.040 --> 01:28:04.440
I didn't know about LYS,

1363
01:28:04.440 --> 01:28:07.580
but I went through like divorce care a couple of times

1364
01:28:07.580 --> 01:28:11.720
and I spent time single intentionally to get healthy.

1365
01:28:11.720 --> 01:28:14.240
So while I didn't go through LYS,

1366
01:28:14.240 --> 01:28:16.160
it was a lot of similarities to it.

1367
01:28:16.160 --> 01:28:17.680
And if anything, I would say like the thing

1368
01:28:17.680 --> 01:28:20.120
that attracted me about Bethany

1369
01:28:20.120 --> 01:28:22.840
was where she was in her health journey.

1370
01:28:22.840 --> 01:28:26.080
So when you get healthy, you're in the healthy pool,

1371
01:28:26.080 --> 01:28:28.560
if you will, if we talk about like dating pools.

1372
01:28:28.560 --> 01:28:33.400
So when you're in LYS, you may attract other healthy people

1373
01:28:33.400 --> 01:28:35.720
that may be in or outside.

1374
01:28:35.720 --> 01:28:38.760
I think to me, that's kind of the big picture, if you will.

1375
01:28:38.760 --> 01:28:42.200
And so other healthy people attract healthy people.

1376
01:28:42.200 --> 01:28:46.680
So even if someone is not in that program,

1377
01:28:46.680 --> 01:28:48.200
you're gonna attract healthy people

1378
01:28:48.200 --> 01:28:50.960
just for being a healthy person yourself.

1379
01:28:50.960 --> 01:28:53.800
We talked a lot about a three-legged race,

1380
01:28:53.800 --> 01:28:56.040
doing life and ministry together.

1381
01:28:56.040 --> 01:28:58.200
The whole idea is we're on this journey

1382
01:28:58.200 --> 01:29:01.360
with our relationship with God and where he's calling us.

1383
01:29:01.360 --> 01:29:04.040
And we wanna kind of be tied with someone

1384
01:29:04.040 --> 01:29:07.040
that's running the same pace as we are.

1385
01:29:07.040 --> 01:29:08.560
So if you have someone that's not running

1386
01:29:08.560 --> 01:29:10.960
or wants to run the opposite way

1387
01:29:10.960 --> 01:29:13.200
and you tie yourself to them in marriage,

1388
01:29:13.200 --> 01:29:14.880
that's gonna slow you down.

1389
01:29:14.920 --> 01:29:17.040
And so as Bethany and I were going through life

1390
01:29:17.040 --> 01:29:20.120
and doing ministry, it's almost like we just looked over

1391
01:29:20.120 --> 01:29:22.200
and it's like, oh, hey, how are you doing?

1392
01:29:22.200 --> 01:29:24.600
You know, kind of a thing.

1393
01:29:24.600 --> 01:29:26.000
Because she was running the same pace

1394
01:29:26.000 --> 01:29:27.880
and it's like, oh, hey, you know,

1395
01:29:27.880 --> 01:29:29.440
you want something healthy, so do I.

1396
01:29:29.440 --> 01:29:32.760
And it was just a really match, great match that way,

1397
01:29:32.760 --> 01:29:34.200
if that makes sense.

1398
01:29:34.200 --> 01:29:35.960
So we just kind of looked for somebody.

1399
01:29:35.960 --> 01:29:37.320
And he likes Legos and Marvel,

1400
01:29:37.320 --> 01:29:39.560
which he asked me about on our first date.

1401
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You know, that's our famous story.

1402
01:29:41.080 --> 01:29:43.720
And I'm like, cool, I like puzzles, you know?

1403
01:29:43.720 --> 01:29:45.440
And then we just moved on from there.

1404
01:29:45.440 --> 01:29:46.840
And then she said puzzles, so I was like,

1405
01:29:46.840 --> 01:29:48.160
ah, I need to pray about this.

1406
01:29:48.160 --> 01:29:49.000
Oh, whatever.

1407
01:29:50.720 --> 01:29:51.800
Oh my gosh.

1408
01:29:51.800 --> 01:29:54.400
So it's been so much fun tonight, you all.

1409
01:29:54.400 --> 01:29:57.920
This has been just incredible hearing Matt and Mandy

1410
01:29:57.920 --> 01:30:00.120
and Ralph and Diana and their stories.

1411
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.080
and just everything, you know, continue to pray and ask God to show you anything that needs shifted

1412
01:30:06.080 --> 01:30:11.360
in your heart so that you can receive your love story. If there's something that you do need to

1413
01:30:11.360 --> 01:30:16.880
shift, God will lovingly show you. And even if you're not ready yet to move, and some of you

1414
01:30:16.880 --> 01:30:22.240
may not ever have to move, okay, that's important to say too, but some of you God may lead you to

1415
01:30:22.240 --> 01:30:28.800
move, but don't partner with fear and panic, just stay open and see what God will do.

1416
01:30:29.760 --> 01:30:35.440
I pray that you have an amazing rest of your night. Mandy, Matt, Ralph, Diana, thank you so

1417
01:30:35.440 --> 01:30:42.160
much for being here with us tonight. This has been awesome. And I think for some of you, we'll be

1418
01:30:42.160 --> 01:30:46.880
seeing you this weekend, and I don't know about the couples here tonight, but those of you joining

1419
01:30:46.880 --> 01:30:51.760
us that might be coming to Austin for the five-year anniversary party on Sunday night,

1420
01:30:52.720 --> 01:30:57.280
I will be there. So many people from our team are going to be there, and we're excited to meet those

1421
01:30:57.280 --> 01:31:02.000
of you that are able to come. I know Jackie is planning on going live at some point. You all

1422
01:31:02.000 --> 01:31:08.720
have no clue about the time, so please don't email me or message me about that. When Jackie wants to

1423
01:31:08.720 --> 01:31:14.720
go live, she'll go live. All right, that's the plan. But love you all. So glad that you're a

1424
01:31:14.720 --> 01:31:18.320
part of our community, and we'll be seeing you all really soon. Have a good night, everyone.