WEBVTT

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good let me get us recording

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okay it's i'm happy to see y'all tonight oh

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hands up already yay are y'all having um i don't know who was

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first but um y'all y'all great everybody had a

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good day everybody's feeling excited somewhat got some good to talk about

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something huh what's that

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oh well look let's pray father i thank you for these ladies i thank you for

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kingdom solution i thank you father god that nobody knows the heart

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but you so help us go into the root cause even if we prevent one thing to

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you i pray now father god that you will

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reveal or you will talk to you will target to the thing that you want to

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deal with on tonight and so we just thank you jesus for your

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goodness for your kindness and your faithfulness

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there is indeed nobody like our god and all the earth in jesus name

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amen all right so i think this is what the order is

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i don't know sue yep and he was is it mika

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ashley who you point to me because there's a lot of people beside you

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were you next you number two mika's two and then ashley's three

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and then jody then nikki okay go for it sue

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okay hi well i finally figured out how to raise my hand

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so i came on with my hand raised um so i'm 72 and this is

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not my cup of tea really um i've been divorced for

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quite some time and but i've been trying and so i'm chatting with different men

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but um you know some of them i guess my question is this when they

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say can we chat off off the app um

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uh they say drop me your phone and i'll you know i'll text you

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and i i have responded because i'm cautious

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i responded well can you give me yours first so that i can recognize it

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and um and one guy that i've been talking with for about a week

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i just thought he's down in virginia and i'm in new jersey

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i said well um how about giving me your number or

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or we can do a facetime you know a video and um i'm perfectly aware that it's a

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date considered a date but anyway he didn't

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respond for several days and then he came back and

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oh you know never apologized but so i'm just asking what is the right way

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to do it because i have found there's a lot of

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Christian mingle and um it's like it's discouraging because

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they'll talk all about their faith and then um

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or hardly say anything and that they're hot and cold

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anyway it's been a little discouraging yeah um that is

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that that can be discouraging um because just when you think you oh

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finally a normal person you know somebody with some sense and then

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here they go um but no i think the way that you handle it is great

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i like what you say i've never even used that language before but it is really

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good language and any man um that is not

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of enough awareness to understand that you're a woman

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and that you're navigating a dating site and that you have to be

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um safe for yourself um you know it's just like it has to be

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something not clicking well with them to reject that it's kind it's honorable

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and it's straightforward like you're not

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i like it that's a really good language all right thanks i um

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i've had several that i just you know one was a said he was a professional

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logger and i said a logger in new jersey you know i said that's highly unusual

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i said i'm familiar with logging out west but not in new jersey and i just

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kind of finally x'ed him off but um some of them are uh another guy

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who just sounded so great and we just had some very good

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interaction but um then he started to jump together so this is

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my next question he jumped ahead to the questions that you

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have said should be reserved for once you get to know somebody

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you know how has your marriage shaped you how has your divorce shaped you and

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i said well i'm happy to answer those questions but

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once i get to know you and he almost said well

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so then he did say well if you're not willing to share

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and i thought that's really strange you know he kind of came back

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kind of harshly and so i didn't cut him off completely but i just told him i

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said well i think you misunderstood my response

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And I told him, I agree, it's important to be genuine,

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but it's important to me to know whom I'm speaking with

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and I am guarding my heart, I'm a bit cautious.

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So he then backtracked really fast

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and was over effusive and apologetic.

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And so I didn't respond last night.

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I just thought, you know what, let me sit on it

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and just see if he's somebody I want to continue

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because I'm not sure if he's real still.

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Yeah.

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No, I think that was really well done, Sue.

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You're really good at this.

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I can hear your patience and wisdom in your voice.

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You know, I love the way you said,

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well, let me just sit on this and think about it

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because sometimes we could be like, oh, and this is no,

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I am very dependent on the Lord.

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But sometimes we could be like, oh, let me see,

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let me pray, let me see how the Lord feels about it.

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And there's a partnership that happens in dating

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where you get equipped and you learn how to make decisions.

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And the Lord wants us to know how to make decisions

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because he wants us to be empowered.

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And I'm not saying that we don't check with God

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about things, but you will start to check,

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trust yourself more.

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I'm just using, trust yourself more

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when you can sit in something and say, let me sit in this.

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You'll, you know, you could ask the Lord,

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like, what are your thoughts about it, Lord?

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And then you come to a decision within yourself.

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And that's when you start to see

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that you can make good decisions.

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Okay, thank you very much.

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And so that's so good.

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I just, yeah, I love your language

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and I really like how you did that

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because it takes a level of confidence within yourself.

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You cannot believe that you can't make good decisions

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because you really can.

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Yeah.

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Everybody can.

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So this wasn't exactly to you, but this is what I enjoy.

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Like, I'm really enjoying this.

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So good.

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Thank you very much.

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I guess I'll keep on, but oh, brother.

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I'm telling you, I know.

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I just, I wish I had somebody to just put,

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no, not just put with you though,

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because you're beautiful.

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And I'm so happy to hear from you tonight.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome.

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I could only imagine.

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I wish somebody would say, hey, I've got this great guy

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that I'd like you to meet.

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That's more my style, so.

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It is, I'm telling you.

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I could see how that would be your style, my style too.

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Thank you.

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Appreciate it.

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You're welcome.

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Mika.

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Hello.

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You are so pretty.

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Those pictures don't do you justice.

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Oh, thank you.

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Welcome.

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So, unfortunately my dad passed away about four days ago.

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After about a two year battle with cancer.

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But the testimonies were actually,

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three times he almost died and God intervened.

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And one time he did die.

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So, it was, he died.

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And he's 85.

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So I think, like I was mourning,

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but someone else was like,

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girl, you got testimonies out of that thing.

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You both got testimonies.

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And he knew his time was there

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and he knew he'd be in the arms of Jesus.

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And so, at the end of the day,

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I feel like I gave a lot of my time.

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So I feel like in this season,

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I know this is a season for me to continue to pursue,

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my marriage and contend for it.

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And even then when I was doing, caring for him,

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I was still figuring out ways

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to just make space for that in my life.

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And so, maybe three or four days before he passed,

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that I got a match.

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Someone reached out and they were like,

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oh, we have a match for you.

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I think I told you ladies about,

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no, actually, no, I don't think I told you.

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I didn't tell you, but they matched me.

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I ended up matching.

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So it was like happening.

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Like I was getting to know this guy

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simultaneously while I'm in the ICU.

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And so, a lot of chaos, chaotic stuff was happening

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because you have to respond to them right away,

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like within like a certain amount of hours.

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And the rule is you're not supposed to talk too much

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and you're not supposed to like talk on the phone.

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But we actually ended up talking on the phone

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because we found out by text,

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we have so much in common, it was kind of scary.

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Fast forward, he's in New Jersey, he's local.

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We set a date up for Thursday.

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And like I said, we've been talking so much

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and trying to like, and I was telling him

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about this training, the training and the hard work.

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And I'm like, we're sharing a lot.

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And it did come out that because he wanted to meet sooner

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and I didn't wanna like, at first I was like,

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oh, due to family matters, I can't.

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And it just didn't make sense.

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I'm like, let me just be transparent with this man.

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Cause you know, my emotions are kind of like

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all over the place.

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So I was like, actually,

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cause he was trying to like guess what it was.

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And he was trying to say what was happening in his life

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by sharing a lot to see if I would share.

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And I'm like, it's actually not family dynamics.

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It's my dad passed.

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And he was like, oh,

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My dad passed away two, three years ago,

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and I'm currently helping my sister.

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I'm a secondary caregiver helping my sister

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take care of our mom, who's also in hospice care.

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And he's dealing with a few medical issues,

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but he's determined to contend for his wife

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because he believes that God has marriage for him

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and a family, he is marriage-minded.

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But then, the more and more we were sharing,

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he was like,

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he was like, I really would like to get to know you.

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But he was like, I know about like the rules with dating.

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Like when you're dating formally,

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you're the idea is to not, you know, share too much.

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You don't want to trauma bond.

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So he knows what trauma bonding is.

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And so I was just like,

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he was like, are you okay with us just pausing?

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Cause I wanted to still go for the date.

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But they're saying, he's like,

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are you still okay with going on a date?

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I'm like, yeah, I do want to still go on a date

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cause I think it would be a good distraction.

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And who knows?

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I mean, we do have a lot in common.

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And, you know, and so he was just like,

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well, what do you think about us

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getting to know each other as friends

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without like the dating rules

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to just get to know each other better

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and just being able to not put on like a facade

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as two, just two real people.

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And so I was like, oh, okay.

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I was like, I don't mind.

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I don't mind that.

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I didn't know what he was saying.

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Oh, so dating is a facade?

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That's a whole nother separate thing.

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But I was like, sure.

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You know, we definitely seem to, you know,

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connect really well and have a lot to talk about.

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So my question is how,

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cause I know Ebony,

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you specifically had experience with this,

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dating someone with a handicap, right?

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So there's a handicap physical issue.

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He's not wheelchair bound

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cause you asked me about this too.

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He's not wheelchair bound, but he can only,

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the issue with his leg is he was actually

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in a coma, all of these things were like,

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it's like really scary.

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Like when my dad was in a coma,

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he was in a coma and they got him,

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he got out, he came out of the coma after three months.

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But as a result of the coma,

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his foot now like has some kind of neurological damage

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where he has to wear a boot for it.

255
00:12:11.740 --> 00:12:14.400
He can only walk but so far, he's in pain occasionally.

256
00:12:14.540 --> 00:12:16.880
He goes to Mexico every two or three weeks.

257
00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:20.380
It kind of like also inhibits his life a little bit.

258
00:12:21.300 --> 00:12:26.160
And so, but he, again, he's determined to still like date,

259
00:12:26.300 --> 00:12:27.740
like he, with some limit,

260
00:12:27.780 --> 00:12:29.140
there are some limitations though

261
00:12:29.140 --> 00:12:30.520
with how far he can walk.

262
00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:32.800
And cause I came out and asked, like you suggested,

263
00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:34.740
I just was like, okay, what's going on with the foot?

264
00:12:34.740 --> 00:12:36.500
Cause you do keep bringing up about your treatments

265
00:12:36.680 --> 00:12:37.440
with the foot.

266
00:12:37.900 --> 00:12:38.460
Tell me about it.

267
00:12:38.460 --> 00:12:39.540
Cause I thought it was a car accident.

268
00:12:39.620 --> 00:12:41.340
He's like, no, it was cause I was in a coma

269
00:12:41.720 --> 00:12:43.680
and God brought me back from the dead.

270
00:12:44.280 --> 00:12:47.260
But here I am again in this very similar situation.

271
00:12:47.260 --> 00:12:49.240
I know we kind of draw who we are

272
00:12:49.240 --> 00:12:51.740
and I just came out of this whole traumatic thing

273
00:12:51.740 --> 00:12:55.620
with my dad being in a coma, being a caregiver.

274
00:12:56.020 --> 00:12:56.680
My dad died.

275
00:12:56.760 --> 00:12:57.420
His dad died.

276
00:12:57.500 --> 00:13:00.380
His mother's sick in hospice care.

277
00:13:00.500 --> 00:13:03.860
So I'm wondering, am I drawing this to me

278
00:13:03.860 --> 00:13:07.240
and should I just cut it because it looks so similar

279
00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:10.040
and I'm coming out of a very wounded season

280
00:13:10.660 --> 00:13:13.420
or should I lean into it like he was saying

281
00:13:13.420 --> 00:13:15.340
and just get to know each other

282
00:13:15.660 --> 00:13:17.460
like with nothing on the table.

283
00:13:19.240 --> 00:13:21.900
And if so, if I should continue to get to know him,

284
00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:25.200
how do I set the boundary between him sharing

285
00:13:25.520 --> 00:13:27.980
something that's just so pivotal to his life

286
00:13:27.980 --> 00:13:31.360
regarding his disability and his mom being in hospice care

287
00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:35.100
and him wanting me to share and connect in that way

288
00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:37.580
cause he knows my dad died, just died

289
00:13:37.580 --> 00:13:39.460
and his dad died three years ago.

290
00:13:39.460 --> 00:13:43.080
So we have a lot in common in terms of the caregiver thing.

291
00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:43.860
So that's a lot.

292
00:13:43.920 --> 00:13:46.760
And I know you were dating a guy that was partially blind

293
00:13:46.760 --> 00:13:48.760
or all blind or something like that.

294
00:13:48.760 --> 00:13:52.620
That can become the center of the relationship

295
00:13:52.620 --> 00:13:53.760
like if you're not careful,

296
00:13:53.980 --> 00:13:56.680
like it can be all about like you making sure

297
00:13:56.680 --> 00:14:01.380
like taking care of him and coming out of your feminine

298
00:14:01.700 --> 00:14:02.860
like, you know what I mean?

299
00:14:02.920 --> 00:14:04.720
Cause I spent years being in my,

300
00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:08.220
that's caregiving is kind of like a masculine energy

301
00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:09.440
a little bit.

302
00:14:09.480 --> 00:14:11.080
So that's a lot, Ebony,

303
00:14:11.180 --> 00:14:14.460
whatever you feel Holy Spirit is led to do it, go for it.

304
00:14:14.460 --> 00:14:15.100
There's a lot.

305
00:14:16.060 --> 00:14:18.980
I think that, no, I understand what you're asking.

306
00:14:19.180 --> 00:14:21.500
I think that it is too,

307
00:14:21.780 --> 00:14:24.240
it could be he feels to his advantage

308
00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:28.080
to know you as a friend first so that you can accept him.

309
00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:30.500
And so that could be his angle.

310
00:14:31.300 --> 00:14:34.120
So it's not like he's plotting on you

311
00:14:34.380 --> 00:14:38.540
but he may have found it, you know, easier

312
00:14:38.540 --> 00:14:41.040
if a woman just gets to know him and not his disability.

313
00:14:41.260 --> 00:14:43.620
So that just could be, he's like, okay

314
00:14:43.620 --> 00:14:45.420
let's just get to know each other.

315
00:14:45.840 --> 00:14:47.480
And if you get to know him as a friend,

316
00:14:47.960 --> 00:14:49.980
then it's ideal that possibly

317
00:14:49.980 --> 00:14:54.200
you may be more accepting of him, does that make sense?

318
00:14:54.220 --> 00:14:55.120
That makes sense.

319
00:14:55.180 --> 00:14:58.120
Cause he has also been saying, I'm just leery

320
00:14:58.120 --> 00:14:59.900
cause I had a lot of females.

321
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.320
friend zone me. I tend to be more of the friend, friend guy. And I don't know if that's like

322
00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:12.880
that a yellow flag for him to say that to me. No, no, no. He could be trying to give

323
00:15:12.880 --> 00:15:17.620
you the option to see if you take the bait because things were prolonged. And so you

324
00:15:17.620 --> 00:15:23.440
just never know what he's thinking. He's he's he has a disability. And so those could be

325
00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:28.400
some of his angles. I don't believe that. Oh, he says, Oh, let's let's just just be

326
00:15:28.700 --> 00:15:38.120
friends. Well. You didn't pick him to be your friend. You met him on a dating site.

327
00:15:39.820 --> 00:15:46.680
This dating program. It's a matching program. You met him on a dating program. So you didn't

328
00:15:46.680 --> 00:15:53.420
meet him on I need a friend program. You're not out looking for friends. So that's right.

329
00:15:53.420 --> 00:15:59.020
That's the thing you run into with it. This let's just be friends and get to know each

330
00:15:59.020 --> 00:16:04.380
other and then go from there. But you are going to be required to give a level of energy

331
00:16:04.380 --> 00:16:09.540
to that because even in order to build a friendship, you're going to have to give. Is friendship

332
00:16:09.540 --> 00:16:14.760
the first stage of getting to know a person? Yes. You're just getting to know them. But

333
00:16:14.760 --> 00:16:20.820
each person is aware that you are romantically pursuing each other because of how you met.

334
00:16:21.700 --> 00:16:29.940
You didn't meet on friends. So that's helpful. Yeah. And so it's always really helpful just

335
00:16:29.940 --> 00:16:35.280
to put things in perspective. You don't do what is what you go down to the bare bones

336
00:16:35.280 --> 00:16:41.960
of a thing and say, what are we looking at? Right. This is what we're looking at. So what

337
00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:46.360
you do is you go back and tell him, like, hey, I'm not interested in being a friend

338
00:16:46.360 --> 00:16:51.000
with you. We met on a dating site, but I'm still up for going out on a date with you

339
00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:59.760
if there's something you would like. And you need to make just tell him, you know, this

340
00:16:59.760 --> 00:17:05.599
is something that I was very communicative with my communication with my friend Tim.

341
00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:12.920
He was legally blind. And one thing that I was very open about was like, OK, this is

342
00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:16.960
challenging you. So can you see this? Can you see that? What are you doing right now?

343
00:17:16.980 --> 00:17:20.680
Why are you walking that way? What did you hear me say? Come this way. Like, I was just

344
00:17:20.700 --> 00:17:25.180
very open and he appreciated it. Like I would ask questions. He said people have never asked

345
00:17:25.180 --> 00:17:29.800
me. Nobody's cared enough. He said people just let me figure it out on my own. So I'm

346
00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:34.320
very communicative and open because that's that's that's love to me. That's caring.

347
00:17:34.320 --> 00:17:40.260
That's kindness. I'm not going to dance around something. So you can tell him up front, say,

348
00:17:40.920 --> 00:17:46.580
hey, I don't know if your disability has been a sting for your dating life before now.

349
00:17:46.660 --> 00:17:50.700
But what I do want to do, if you if you have the space to say this, if you want to say

350
00:17:50.700 --> 00:17:55.860
it, when I get to know you, if I feel like it's not going to work, I will tell you why

351
00:17:55.860 --> 00:18:00.120
it's not going to work for me, because what you can do is feel like if I say somebody

352
00:18:00.120 --> 00:18:04.380
with a disability, I'm wrong for that. It's wrong for me to reject somebody for their

353
00:18:04.360 --> 00:18:09.100
disability. It's not wrong for you to reject someone for their disability, because just

354
00:18:09.100 --> 00:18:14.900
like it's not for you, there is somebody out there that they will be happy. They'll be

355
00:18:14.900 --> 00:18:20.960
happy. I looked up so much. I'm a researcher. I did so much research on marrying somebody

356
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:25.120
who is legally blind, dating somebody who is legally blind. I looked at it from all

357
00:18:25.120 --> 00:18:29.820
aspects. I looked at what tools they had available for them. I looked at people's

358
00:18:29.840 --> 00:18:34.040
journals on YouTube. They talked about what it was like being even married to a blind

359
00:18:34.040 --> 00:18:38.000
person or two people blind. So like I just look at things from a lot of different angles.

360
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:43.720
I research stuff to make, you know, to get wisdom. And so I'm saying is I'm not trying

361
00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:47.320
to be direct with this, but you can tell him like I want to go on a date with you. And

362
00:18:47.320 --> 00:18:51.020
if it's too much for me, I'll let you know. And when you let him know, you just tell him

363
00:18:51.020 --> 00:18:55.800
why. Hey, I even told Tim one time, I was like, you're going to have to use that stick

364
00:18:55.800 --> 00:19:00.140
because this is embarrassing. You're running into stuff. You don't want to use your stick

365
00:19:00.140 --> 00:19:03.560
because of pride. And I said, I'm telling you, I'm not walking around with a man who

366
00:19:03.560 --> 00:19:08.260
got to run us into a wall. You think you're going to hold my hand and lead me into a wall?

367
00:19:08.360 --> 00:19:13.580
I will be absolutely crazy. When we would get ready to cross the street, he wants to

368
00:19:13.580 --> 00:19:19.580
hold my hand and take me across the street. Now, mind you, he ain't going to stop until

369
00:19:19.580 --> 00:19:24.260
he's sensed. He has to hear the car. I'm seeing the car because I can see further than

370
00:19:24.260 --> 00:19:30.220
him. We get to the curb and go in the world like we're walking. And I said, hey,

371
00:19:30.680 --> 00:19:40.020
buddy. I say, if you want me to accept your disability, then you have my ability and I

372
00:19:40.020 --> 00:19:45.880
have the ability to see. And if that's not part of what you want in a relationship, then

373
00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:51.100
why are you with somebody? Because what their strength comes in for your weaknesses and

374
00:19:51.100 --> 00:19:56.360
your weaknesses, you have a strength that they need. I said, my strength is that I can

375
00:19:56.360 --> 00:19:59.980
see cars coming and you not about to walk me out into.

376
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.520
and another street.

377
00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:03.400
Oh my gosh.

378
00:20:04.520 --> 00:20:07.680
But he like, okay, but he wanted to be the lead.

379
00:20:07.900 --> 00:20:09.640
He wanted, he was able to express it.

380
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:11.800
He said, I'm just showing up as the man.

381
00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:14.240
And I said, I know, but we're gonna have to find other ways.

382
00:20:15.140 --> 00:20:18.660
I can see, and that car was real close to me.

383
00:20:18.780 --> 00:20:20.700
And I ain't, you know, I'm just saying like,

384
00:20:20.720 --> 00:20:22.440
he's like, but I wouldn't go in front of the car.

385
00:20:22.560 --> 00:20:23.700
I said, if you don't see it, you would.

386
00:20:24.800 --> 00:20:25.180
So.

387
00:20:28.420 --> 00:20:32.800
But, so I'm just saying like, people appreciate,

388
00:20:33.300 --> 00:20:36.200
let me fix this, this computer, hold up.

389
00:20:36.460 --> 00:20:36.820
Oh Lord.

390
00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:39.720
Give me one second.

391
00:20:42.860 --> 00:20:44.320
One of us has to be honest.

392
00:20:44.340 --> 00:20:46.320
I think that sometimes we don't understand

393
00:20:46.320 --> 00:20:47.720
how much people appreciate,

394
00:20:47.900 --> 00:20:50.480
how respectful it is to be open and honest with someone.

395
00:20:50.540 --> 00:20:52.160
That's not gonna offend them.

396
00:20:52.180 --> 00:20:54.000
I think it's more hurtful to believe

397
00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:55.620
somebody is thinking something about you

398
00:20:55.620 --> 00:20:56.640
or blowing you off.

399
00:20:56.940 --> 00:20:59.760
And they just won't respect you as a person.

400
00:21:00.340 --> 00:21:01.120
That's helpful.

401
00:21:01.520 --> 00:21:02.220
That's helping.

402
00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:03.320
Yeah.

403
00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:04.620
So you can tell him, hey,

404
00:21:04.620 --> 00:21:05.740
I do want to go on a date with you

405
00:21:05.740 --> 00:21:07.040
because you do want to go on a date with him.

406
00:21:07.080 --> 00:21:08.260
You do want to get to know him.

407
00:21:08.520 --> 00:21:10.020
And you do want to lay off

408
00:21:10.020 --> 00:21:12.500
all of the personal conversation talk

409
00:21:12.500 --> 00:21:14.780
because it's unnecessary right now.

410
00:21:15.640 --> 00:21:18.520
And just because he wants to get to know you that way,

411
00:21:19.740 --> 00:21:21.620
he's not been trained on how to date.

412
00:21:22.420 --> 00:21:25.220
He may not even be trained on how you create or connect

413
00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:29.520
or how you organically allow relationships to develop.

414
00:21:29.860 --> 00:21:31.460
I don't know what his history is.

415
00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:33.900
That's why you have to set a pace that's best for you.

416
00:21:34.100 --> 00:21:36.080
And you don't consider his thoughts.

417
00:21:36.380 --> 00:21:38.580
The reason why you're not gonna consider his thoughts

418
00:21:38.580 --> 00:21:40.200
is because he don't know what he's talking about

419
00:21:40.200 --> 00:21:41.160
and you do.

420
00:21:41.740 --> 00:21:42.100
Right.

421
00:21:42.100 --> 00:21:44.660
He hasn't done any coaching or anything.

422
00:21:44.880 --> 00:21:45.220
Yeah.

423
00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:48.280
And so you have to recognize what people are

424
00:21:48.380 --> 00:21:49.740
and just say, okay.

425
00:21:50.440 --> 00:21:51.620
And you don't have to tell him,

426
00:21:51.700 --> 00:21:52.860
hey, you don't know what you're talking about.

427
00:21:52.940 --> 00:21:53.660
I know what I'm talking.

428
00:21:53.800 --> 00:21:54.520
You just say, hey,

429
00:21:54.760 --> 00:21:57.040
I know you enjoy talking about things like this,

430
00:21:57.120 --> 00:21:59.360
but this is not what I want to talk about right now.

431
00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:00.960
I want us to keep it lighthearted.

432
00:22:01.060 --> 00:22:03.220
You don't even have to say because the problem might end.

433
00:22:03.420 --> 00:22:05.480
Your authority is enough for your life, Mika.

434
00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:08.940
Your boundaries is enough for your life.

435
00:22:09.520 --> 00:22:10.800
Once you got your system, it's yours.

436
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:12.280
You ain't got to attribute it to nobody.

437
00:22:12.600 --> 00:22:13.720
What do I say when he says

438
00:22:13.720 --> 00:22:16.620
he wants to be able to be there for me as a friend?

439
00:22:17.580 --> 00:22:19.300
But he's not your friend.

440
00:22:19.300 --> 00:22:20.080
He's not your friend.

441
00:22:20.520 --> 00:22:21.440
You're not my friend.

442
00:22:21.460 --> 00:22:24.000
You remind him, say, I hear your heart,

443
00:22:24.740 --> 00:22:26.380
but we haven't made it there yet.

444
00:22:26.380 --> 00:22:27.620
I hear your heart.

445
00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:29.200
Man, you have a good heart.

446
00:22:29.280 --> 00:22:30.600
There were more people like you,

447
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:32.100
where would we be in the world?

448
00:22:32.820 --> 00:22:33.040
Right?

449
00:22:33.820 --> 00:22:34.440
That's good.

450
00:22:34.660 --> 00:22:35.660
I'm glad I got that.

451
00:22:36.760 --> 00:22:40.000
No, but I think you got to remember

452
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:42.160
that this man has a disability.

453
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:45.280
He is still a man.

454
00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:48.760
And a lot of times people discount you because of,

455
00:22:49.020 --> 00:22:50.340
I don't even like to call it disability.

456
00:22:50.420 --> 00:22:52.980
I like to say that you have something different going on.

457
00:22:53.140 --> 00:22:54.540
Because this is the truth.

458
00:22:54.640 --> 00:22:55.800
Everybody has a disability,

459
00:22:56.060 --> 00:22:57.420
whether it's on the outside or inside.

460
00:22:58.120 --> 00:22:59.220
There's something in you

461
00:22:59.220 --> 00:23:01.460
that somebody needs to take extra care of.

462
00:23:01.780 --> 00:23:02.500
There's something in you

463
00:23:02.500 --> 00:23:04.020
that somebody's going to have to cover you

464
00:23:04.040 --> 00:23:06.040
and help you and grow you.

465
00:23:06.080 --> 00:23:07.200
Like, that's a thing.

466
00:23:07.300 --> 00:23:08.080
Whenever you get married,

467
00:23:08.180 --> 00:23:09.800
your husband's going to cultivate something in you.

468
00:23:09.800 --> 00:23:10.720
You're going to cultivate something.

469
00:23:10.820 --> 00:23:12.940
And there may be a thing that's a thorn in your side

470
00:23:12.940 --> 00:23:15.460
for a lot of years that he keeps covering you in.

471
00:23:15.820 --> 00:23:18.580
So everybody has something within them

472
00:23:18.680 --> 00:23:21.180
that needs the assistance of somebody else.

473
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:24.020
But this man has a disability with his body

474
00:23:24.020 --> 00:23:26.040
and that affects him because he's a man

475
00:23:26.040 --> 00:23:27.340
and men are supposed to be strong

476
00:23:27.340 --> 00:23:28.740
and they're supposed to be able to do things

477
00:23:28.740 --> 00:23:30.140
and do things for the woman.

478
00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:33.640
And so he wants to show you that he can show up.

479
00:23:33.940 --> 00:23:35.380
I can be the man.

480
00:23:35.460 --> 00:23:37.800
This is not stopping me from being a man.

481
00:23:37.860 --> 00:23:41.640
And so you got to filter a lot of his comments through that.

482
00:23:43.480 --> 00:23:46.300
And it could be just that he just showing you that,

483
00:23:46.380 --> 00:23:47.220
hey, I'm a man.

484
00:23:47.560 --> 00:23:48.240
I'm a man.

485
00:23:48.320 --> 00:23:49.200
I can support you.

486
00:23:49.640 --> 00:23:50.840
I can be there for you.

487
00:23:50.980 --> 00:23:52.740
Don't, just because of this leg,

488
00:23:52.860 --> 00:23:54.160
just because of my medical condition,

489
00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:55.260
those things don't matter.

490
00:23:55.480 --> 00:23:56.960
They don't make me who I am.

491
00:23:57.060 --> 00:23:59.820
And so we have to consider that.

492
00:24:00.420 --> 00:24:01.280
That's super helpful.

493
00:24:01.780 --> 00:24:02.200
Thank you.

494
00:24:02.600 --> 00:24:03.860
Oh yeah, you're welcome.

495
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:08.180
Oh, Mika gone.

496
00:24:08.700 --> 00:24:09.180
Okay, Ashley.

497
00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:10.160
Oh no, I'm still here.

498
00:24:10.260 --> 00:24:11.000
I'm still here.

499
00:24:11.060 --> 00:24:12.500
You can give some more.

500
00:24:12.500 --> 00:24:13.460
I'll keep it going.

501
00:24:13.880 --> 00:24:15.220
The screen disappeared.

502
00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:17.620
I was like, Demetrius, hang up that coin.

503
00:24:18.180 --> 00:24:22.080
Oh no, I just muted my, I put, I'm just muted my screen.

504
00:24:22.080 --> 00:24:23.500
So did we cover everything?

505
00:24:23.780 --> 00:24:24.840
Yeah, that was perfect.

506
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:26.480
You hit like the nail on the head.

507
00:24:28.820 --> 00:24:31.140
Y'all not gonna trauma boom over your dad.

508
00:24:31.260 --> 00:24:32.320
And then you do have to tell him

509
00:24:32.320 --> 00:24:33.820
when you hang out with him.

510
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:35.860
Like if you decide that you don't want to go further,

511
00:24:36.300 --> 00:24:37.880
disabilities are a lot of responsibility,

512
00:24:38.060 --> 00:24:40.120
but you don't have to have that responsibility right now,

513
00:24:40.120 --> 00:24:42.200
but you're definitely not ready to go back

514
00:24:42.200 --> 00:24:44.300
into something of such magnitude.

515
00:24:44.680 --> 00:24:45.900
And you don't have to worry about that right now

516
00:24:45.900 --> 00:24:46.740
cause you're not there.

517
00:24:47.400 --> 00:24:47.560
Right.

518
00:24:48.020 --> 00:24:48.780
Thank you.

519
00:24:49.300 --> 00:24:50.020
You're welcome.

520
00:24:50.660 --> 00:24:52.440
Ashley, how's it going girl?

521
00:24:55.740 --> 00:24:56.760
It's going.

522
00:24:57.520 --> 00:24:58.040
Yeah.

523
00:25:01.700 --> 00:25:11.800
So, I don't know, um, there was, so there's, there's like four guys that are like in my

524
00:25:11.800 --> 00:25:12.500
chat thread.

525
00:25:12.700 --> 00:25:15.640
Um, two of them I feel like have like, kind of like fizzled out, like they're not really

526
00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:16.080
talking.

527
00:25:16.220 --> 00:25:17.500
It's not a big, like, whatever.

528
00:25:17.520 --> 00:25:19.280
Like one of them hasn't responded at all.

529
00:25:19.340 --> 00:25:24.040
Um, we like matched and then he didn't reply and I was like, um, you'd like, you should

530
00:25:24.040 --> 00:25:24.940
have a conversation.

531
00:25:24.940 --> 00:25:28.960
And I was like, well, I'll at least say something because we, you know, I've heard the conversation

532
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:30.620
like, you know, sometimes you got to help them along.

533
00:25:30.780 --> 00:25:33.960
So I like, he hasn't replied, I'm like, whatever, that's fine.

534
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:38.840
And then the other one, our conversation has been real, I don't even know if you call it

535
00:25:38.840 --> 00:25:39.380
a conversation.

536
00:25:39.380 --> 00:25:46.360
It's been over multiple days and it's not really, so, um, and then the two I've talked

537
00:25:46.780 --> 00:25:54.020
to quite a bit, um, one is, uh, I wish I knew his last name so I could stalk him.

538
00:25:54.020 --> 00:26:02.660
He says he's a marriage and family therapist, which I could actually see because he, he'd

539
00:26:02.660 --> 00:26:06.800
said in his profile, like he's really good at like asking questions and keeping a conversation

540
00:26:06.800 --> 00:26:07.240
going.

541
00:26:07.380 --> 00:26:09.700
And I definitely was, was noticing that.

542
00:26:09.880 --> 00:26:14.240
And I, you know, won't give like two word sentences, you know, two word replies.

543
00:26:14.280 --> 00:26:15.320
So I just had been responding.

544
00:26:16.560 --> 00:26:22.040
But then, um, then I was noticing, I was like, I don't feel like, like, he's not really responding.

545
00:26:22.040 --> 00:26:26.540
Like, like ask, I'm like, what was it, you know, what'd you like, you know, we mentioned

546
00:26:26.540 --> 00:26:31.300
something about, um, it was something about a music amusement park that he used to go

547
00:26:31.300 --> 00:26:34.560
to, like, you know, I asked like, did you go as a kid, like, what was your favorite

548
00:26:34.560 --> 00:26:34.940
ride?

549
00:26:34.940 --> 00:26:36.900
And I got like a two sentence reply.

550
00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:39.240
I'm like, there's no story, no, it was so much fun.

551
00:26:39.240 --> 00:26:41.600
Like no other details.

552
00:26:42.080 --> 00:26:42.520
Right.

553
00:26:42.520 --> 00:26:47.880
And like, I've noticed that a couple of other times, like not really, like I feel like not

554
00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:49.060
really giving an answer.

555
00:26:49.060 --> 00:26:52.480
And I'm like, dude, we're not like this, not a therapy session.

556
00:26:52.660 --> 00:26:55.940
Like you're supposed to like have a whole conversation as well.

557
00:26:56.280 --> 00:26:59.200
Like you like, so just feel like there wasn't as much.

558
00:26:59.860 --> 00:27:05.460
So I, I backed off on like how I was responding a little bit and he immediately noticed, I

559
00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:07.380
was like, are you good?

560
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:08.320
Is everything okay?

561
00:27:08.820 --> 00:27:10.700
That had technically been about my kids.

562
00:27:10.700 --> 00:27:14.180
So I was like, yeah, I just wasn't gonna share anything else about my kids.

563
00:27:16.060 --> 00:27:21.820
And not that it was any big deal, just like, he kind of asked about weekend plans last

564
00:27:21.820 --> 00:27:22.000
weekend.

565
00:27:22.080 --> 00:27:23.420
I was like, hey, my kids are home.

566
00:27:25.420 --> 00:27:29.640
So like, no, we're just doing, doing stuff.

567
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:32.580
And then at some point he'd said that he has his daughter next weekend.

568
00:27:33.080 --> 00:27:43.100
And so I, I said, like, around that time, I'd said something about like, like, it sounds

569
00:27:43.100 --> 00:27:46.800
like since my kids are home this weekend and your daughter's sounds like your daughter's

570
00:27:46.800 --> 00:27:47.480
home next weekend.

571
00:27:47.600 --> 00:27:51.640
Like, it's going to be like quite a while before like, we could like see each other

572
00:27:51.640 --> 00:27:52.000
in person.

573
00:27:52.140 --> 00:27:55.520
I said, but I'd be willing to figure out a video chat and he hasn't responded.

574
00:27:55.620 --> 00:27:57.900
He didn't, he didn't really say anything to that.

575
00:27:57.900 --> 00:28:00.260
So he hasn't asked about having a video chat.

576
00:28:00.580 --> 00:28:05.960
So and I'm not trying to like, drop, drop more questions and like ask more lately.

577
00:28:05.960 --> 00:28:10.920
So I'm like, oh, you know, he'll respond again or not or ask another question.

578
00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:17.160
And the other one, I think just doesn't really know how to like, ask a question.

579
00:28:17.380 --> 00:28:20.600
I'm just been kind of like waiting the last couple of days, like, are you going to respond

580
00:28:20.600 --> 00:28:20.880
again?

581
00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:21.780
Or you asked me something?

582
00:28:22.080 --> 00:28:23.740
I'll probably text him again.

583
00:28:24.860 --> 00:28:29.560
We've been having a really nice conversation and it was real lighthearted.

584
00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:35.840
Oh, yeah, the first guy, the therapist, he'd asked about work on Monday, and it was not

585
00:28:35.840 --> 00:28:36.300
a good day.

586
00:28:36.300 --> 00:28:38.960
And I was like, yeah, work wasn't great.

587
00:28:39.040 --> 00:28:40.000
Let's talk about something.

588
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.320
I was like, how about a fun like, I was like, this and I said, I don't want to talk about

589
00:28:44.320 --> 00:28:44.500
it.

590
00:28:44.500 --> 00:28:47.300
Because I know that therapist part was gonna come out like, oh, why?

591
00:28:47.360 --> 00:28:48.680
And I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna talk about it.

592
00:28:48.680 --> 00:28:51.280
I don't need to be talking about why I had a bad day at work.

593
00:28:51.280 --> 00:28:53.220
Like I was not going to do that.

594
00:28:55.140 --> 00:29:00.380
And so I said, Oh, tell me like, give me a fun, lighthearted story.

595
00:29:00.380 --> 00:29:05.320
And he didn't give me any sort of story just was like, I'm thinking about getting a dog.

596
00:29:06.360 --> 00:29:09.040
It's like, it's not a story.

597
00:29:17.360 --> 00:29:23.560
But the other guy, like, we've had we've had funny conversations, we've had some, I don't

598
00:29:23.560 --> 00:29:24.620
know if deeper is the right word.

599
00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:28.680
He's a technically a Seventh Day Advantage Adventist.

600
00:29:28.980 --> 00:29:31.560
I don't really know a whole lot about that.

601
00:29:37.780 --> 00:29:42.500
And, and now I just kind of like got to like, move off of that on something else again,

602
00:29:42.540 --> 00:29:44.320
but we'll find something.

603
00:29:45.340 --> 00:29:48.080
I think he was a PK kid, too.

604
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:49.160
So pastors kids.

605
00:29:49.420 --> 00:29:53.560
So I was thinking about being like, so what was it like being a pastor's kid?

606
00:29:53.620 --> 00:29:54.780
Like, how's that go?

607
00:29:55.920 --> 00:29:59.680
Especially because at some point in our conversation, he'd said something about like, he's done

608
00:29:59.680 --> 00:29:59.980
a lot of

609
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.600
like searching and you know just all the things we do when we're you know raised in a religion you

610
00:30:06.600 --> 00:30:10.780
got to figure it out yourself and where you are and what you believe and he said he doesn't

611
00:30:10.940 --> 00:30:14.480
necessarily agree with everything but he still goes and he's really involved with his family

612
00:30:15.060 --> 00:30:18.600
there's been a number of times he's like yeah hanging out with my family tonight yeah hanging

613
00:30:18.600 --> 00:30:25.700
out with my family tonight so um and then i actually mentioned you on my post tonight before

614
00:30:25.700 --> 00:30:35.380
it caught on um i i hopped on the app and like looked to see um just looked to see what was

615
00:30:35.380 --> 00:30:42.480
happening on there and i'm just on the free one so they will randomly like say like oh you have

616
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:47.760
a reveal get your free reveal and somebody sent you a note and i opened it and i was like oh

617
00:30:47.760 --> 00:30:54.880
that's interesting because i saw him a few days ago and i'd swiped no and then he'd responded and

618
00:30:54.880 --> 00:31:01.300
and i thought about if i was gonna swipe no or not and i was like whatever and um and so then

619
00:31:01.300 --> 00:31:09.020
i was like i didn't do anything i just left it and was then um was driving and i was you know

620
00:31:09.020 --> 00:31:16.040
just thinking about it and i was i could hear you in my head ebony like why did you why did you

621
00:31:16.040 --> 00:31:24.860
swipe no what were you thinking there and i was like oh i was making assumptions that's why i

622
00:31:24.860 --> 00:31:31.500
yeah i could swipe it's easy to swipe no like i don't really like that smile no

623
00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:42.100
what's that background oh god no yeah yeah so i was like okay we'll just swipe yes and we'll

624
00:31:42.100 --> 00:31:49.360
just see and i'll let him respond so that's kind of where that is um it's weird though i feel like

625
00:31:49.360 --> 00:31:58.320
so i have um on the app like i've liked people right i've swiped for this one it's up um

626
00:31:59.740 --> 00:32:05.620
but i don't know if like if it's because it's the the free version i'm like does nobody's seeing

627
00:32:05.620 --> 00:32:09.620
them like there's no been there's no better replies to like when i've liked someone i'm like

628
00:32:09.620 --> 00:32:14.440
are they not sending my obviously they're sending my profile out to somebody because

629
00:32:14.440 --> 00:32:18.160
some people are responding i just think that's a little weird i don't know if that's normal

630
00:32:19.900 --> 00:32:26.160
um i think if you're not paid you don't get the same level of attention maybe i don't know

631
00:32:26.800 --> 00:32:30.880
yeah it does kind of mention that but i'm like really that much like you're not gonna send it

632
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:38.160
to any me to anybody that i've you know liked yeah i i think they probably won't

633
00:32:41.780 --> 00:32:46.320
i don't know i don't know either i just wasn't sure since you know it's first time i've been on

634
00:32:46.930 --> 00:32:52.450
what's the name of it i'm on the arc one which is on the affiliate page on the resource page

635
00:32:53.330 --> 00:32:58.650
yeah but you know arc don't arc is not they don't have a lot either depending on the state

636
00:32:58.650 --> 00:33:03.010
that you're in so they're just getting started and they're from they're out of canada is that

637
00:33:03.010 --> 00:33:10.750
right does anybody remember i don't know yeah so they just moved into the states so they don't

638
00:33:10.750 --> 00:33:17.350
have a lot a lot of things yeah i explained some of what i feel like i've seen okay

639
00:33:17.990 --> 00:33:21.270
that's interesting so i don't know if i'll do a different one at this point

640
00:33:21.290 --> 00:33:25.070
yet or not but i'm just i'm just okay with where it is right now

641
00:33:27.170 --> 00:33:35.470
so that's a good update yeah good for you thanks i did uh no not right now

642
00:33:36.100 --> 00:33:38.760
not right now i'll come out in a minute it's my turn to talk

643
00:33:39.540 --> 00:33:43.140
no you are it's my turn to talk you are

644
00:33:47.840 --> 00:34:03.460
sorry no you're okay um then oh there was i'm just been kind of all over i've just been all

645
00:34:03.460 --> 00:34:10.980
over the place a lot with emotions so annoying well i think those women are like that um

646
00:34:10.980 --> 00:34:14.920
sue said that there's a difference in your countenance when you first started

647
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:22.780
you're much happier i agree with her thanks sue thanks yeah i'm enjoying seeing this on you it

648
00:34:22.780 --> 00:34:31.360
is such a pleasure and a delight thanks um so it was uh there was i don't remember what day it was

649
00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:41.120
um monday monday i will listen to things at work and i didn't mind it posting this because i don't

650
00:34:41.120 --> 00:34:49.900
know monday was a day and um i listened to bethel's morning service yeah and um pastor bill was

651
00:34:49.900 --> 00:34:59.980
talking about promises and inheritances and i was like no way that's so wild and then i need to

652
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.660
I listened to it twice while I was at work, and then I was like, well, let me go listen

653
00:35:03.660 --> 00:35:07.300
to this other person.

654
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:08.440
I haven't listened to her for a while.

655
00:35:08.500 --> 00:35:10.280
I'll see if she has anything new.

656
00:35:10.780 --> 00:35:15.580
She didn't, but the one that I clicked on was about blooming and growing, which is a

657
00:35:15.580 --> 00:35:22.040
word that was spoken over me a few months ago that people were going to be saying it's

658
00:35:22.040 --> 00:35:27.880
winter and you're blooming, and I was like, that's so ... For being a rough day, God was

659
00:35:27.880 --> 00:35:32.200
so good and faithful to just give me reminders that things are happening.

660
00:35:33.240 --> 00:35:33.900
That's true.

661
00:35:34.160 --> 00:35:37.960
Then we just said that you look so good, so the word is true.

662
00:35:38.660 --> 00:35:40.640
Some just say you look so much happier.

663
00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:42.380
That's blooming and growing.

664
00:35:43.020 --> 00:35:43.520
Thank you.

665
00:35:43.800 --> 00:35:44.240
Thank you.

666
00:35:44.400 --> 00:35:44.860
Yeah.

667
00:35:45.200 --> 00:35:47.680
Then I just have job stuff going on.

668
00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:55.440
I think it might be time to move, and I was kind of struggling because Jackie was talking,

669
00:35:55.440 --> 00:36:00.020
you mentioned on Sunday, if you feel like you never want to be there and it's hard to

670
00:36:00.020 --> 00:36:06.300
get up and you live for the weekends, and I was like, it's not that drastic, but then

671
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:13.760
last night or in the middle of the night, I woke up and I don't know even if the dream

672
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:17.760
had anything to do with it, but I woke up and I was like, I'm going to be fired today.

673
00:36:18.220 --> 00:36:18.360
I don't know.

674
00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:20.900
I didn't have this major panic.

675
00:36:21.400 --> 00:36:26.820
I was just kind of like, huh, and just like, what would that look like?

676
00:36:27.040 --> 00:36:28.640
Like, huh, that's just interesting.

677
00:36:28.980 --> 00:36:30.600
Like, I don't know why I'd think that.

678
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:36.680
I went back to sleep, and then when I got up, I just was like, this would just be great.

679
00:36:36.680 --> 00:36:38.300
Like I had so much freedom from it.

680
00:36:38.300 --> 00:36:40.360
The thought of being fired didn't make me terrified.

681
00:36:40.440 --> 00:36:41.940
I was like, oh, what's God going to do?

682
00:36:41.980 --> 00:36:42.920
This is exciting.

683
00:36:44.100 --> 00:36:47.640
I was like, I guess that means it's time to move on.

684
00:36:47.640 --> 00:36:51.440
No, sometimes, no, no, no, no.

685
00:36:51.460 --> 00:36:52.000
I don't know.

686
00:36:52.040 --> 00:36:54.920
I can't speak to you about your job, but no, let me tell you something.

687
00:36:56.060 --> 00:37:00.680
Thoughts come, they're like channels, and the enemy will give you a thought.

688
00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:06.340
It's up to you to own it, and so sometimes he'll give us a thought to introduce something

689
00:37:06.340 --> 00:37:07.020
to us.

690
00:37:07.640 --> 00:37:11.840
If we accept those thoughts, we'll begin to behave that way, and then what'll happen is

691
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:16.360
we'll say, oh, I had a thought, God made this happen, but actually you accepted the thought

692
00:37:16.360 --> 00:37:18.200
and you started operating that way.

693
00:37:19.180 --> 00:37:23.380
Just like if you accept a thought, just something as basic as dating, oh, he probably could

694
00:37:23.380 --> 00:37:23.880
be the one.

695
00:37:24.180 --> 00:37:30.800
Your behavior is going to change because you entertained this thought, and so I don't want

696
00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:31.400
to speak to you about it.

697
00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:36.000
I do want to tell you that about thoughts, like the enemy will give you a thought.

698
00:37:36.520 --> 00:37:38.680
It's up to you to accept it or reject it.

699
00:37:38.680 --> 00:37:40.100
Even the Lord gives us thoughts.

700
00:37:40.120 --> 00:37:44.460
It's up to us to accept it or reject it, so I just want you to know that and be mindful

701
00:37:44.460 --> 00:37:46.480
of the enemy's craftiness.

702
00:37:47.200 --> 00:37:48.980
That's when you stay on your job one way or the other.

703
00:37:49.140 --> 00:37:50.640
I just say it.

704
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:56.900
That's a reason to hold on to.

705
00:37:57.340 --> 00:37:58.080
Yes, yeah.

706
00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:05.960
I thought that I would be there for five years when I came on, and it's been about four,

707
00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:14.400
so it's been kind of on my mind for a while on if it was time.

708
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


709
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


710
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


711
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


712
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


713
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


714
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


715
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


716
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


717
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


718
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


719
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


720
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


721
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


722
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


723
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


724
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


725
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


726
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


727
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


728
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


729
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:14.440


730
00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:23.480
I haven't just really leaned into it too much, so I've just been leaning into that

731
00:38:24.540 --> 00:38:25.740
more this week.

732
00:38:26.520 --> 00:38:27.400
Try this.

733
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:31.580
This is something that I confess over my life, and I say it all the time.

734
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:35.100
Holy Spirit, you always tell me what I need to know when I need to know it.

735
00:38:36.300 --> 00:38:40.640
Holy Spirit, you always tell me what I need to know when I need to know it, and that is

736
00:38:40.640 --> 00:38:45.380
the job and the role of the Holy Spirit, our comforter and our teacher, and Holy Spirit

737
00:38:45.380 --> 00:38:50.080
will tell you what you need to know when you need to know it, and so then that helps you

738
00:38:50.080 --> 00:38:54.700
not to listen to fear and, well, I think this, or try to piece things together, because you

739
00:38:54.700 --> 00:38:57.440
don't have to because the Holy Spirit is going to always tell you what you need to know when

740
00:38:57.440 --> 00:38:58.780
you need to know it.

741
00:38:59.160 --> 00:38:59.560
Yeah.

742
00:38:59.560 --> 00:39:03.900
He did tell me this week to just not be trying to figure anything out, so I'm not really

743
00:39:03.900 --> 00:39:09.740
trying to figure it out, just to praise him and worship him and just lean in the worship

744
00:39:09.740 --> 00:39:16.040
just to be my sacrifice this week and my, just to really do that with him and not trying

745
00:39:16.040 --> 00:39:22.000
to figure anything else out, not try and make any big decisions or do anything, just that.

746
00:39:22.860 --> 00:39:23.540
That's good.

747
00:39:25.320 --> 00:39:26.180
Okay, great.

748
00:39:26.180 --> 00:39:27.480
Did you have a question?

749
00:39:27.900 --> 00:39:29.380
I didn't really have a question.

750
00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:29.940
Okay.

751
00:39:30.220 --> 00:39:33.560
I thought I wanted to have a question, but I was like, no, I at least need to do an update,

752
00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:37.720
so it's always good because sometimes you'll hear things that I don't realize that I'm

753
00:39:37.720 --> 00:39:38.000
saying.

754
00:39:39.340 --> 00:39:39.720
Yeah.

755
00:39:39.720 --> 00:39:39.920
Yeah.

756
00:39:40.060 --> 00:39:40.860
Okay, good.

757
00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:42.120
Well, thank you for sharing.

758
00:39:42.720 --> 00:39:43.260
Thank you.

759
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:44.800


760
00:39:45.240 --> 00:39:45.580
Jodi.

761
00:39:48.040 --> 00:39:48.720
Hello.

762
00:39:49.740 --> 00:39:50.200
Hey.

763
00:39:51.240 --> 00:39:57.180
I don't really have a question, I don't think, more of just a comment and update.

764
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.280
I don't know. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this dating stuff. I mean,

765
00:40:10.140 --> 00:40:13.860
it's been really hard for me to date for discovery.

766
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:18.680
Gail is like, me too. I'm like, we don't like it. We don't like it. We don't like it.

767
00:40:18.700 --> 00:40:22.160
I think everybody could scream. We don't like it. We don't like it.

768
00:40:22.160 --> 00:40:32.440
We don't like it. So I've been on, let's see, four dates, four different men. And I mean,

769
00:40:32.440 --> 00:40:41.140
they were all decent guys, but no second date. I just, I can't help but feel like I don't get

770
00:40:41.140 --> 00:40:48.540
really excited about the date. And I can't help but feel like, gosh, this is kind of a waste of

771
00:40:49.260 --> 00:41:00.320
even though I understand like the idea behind dating for discovery, because I mean, I guess

772
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:09.920
I wouldn't have prior to being in this group, but I don't like it. I don't like it. So,

773
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:19.920
and it's hard to find men that seem to be pursuing, loving the Lord.

774
00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:27.680
And so it kind of feels like a waste to go out with anyone that,

775
00:41:30.060 --> 00:41:34.820
other than that, you know? Yeah. So that's where I'm at. I'm a little discouraged.

776
00:41:35.700 --> 00:41:42.320
No. Yeah. No, we hear your heart. No, we totally understand. I can confidently say we totally

777
00:41:43.300 --> 00:41:48.800
understand. All the heads are nodding. And if they have a picture of their head is nodding,

778
00:41:48.940 --> 00:41:57.280
you just can't see it. Yeah. Yeah. It can be challenging. It is definitely a faith walk.

779
00:41:57.840 --> 00:42:07.900
And I think a lot of times we forget about that part because we're putting in the work. And so

780
00:42:07.900 --> 00:42:13.980
when you start putting in the work, it's kind of hard, or sometimes it slips your mind that you're

781
00:42:14.140 --> 00:42:23.220
in partnership. And it's that part that Jackie always says, surrender an opinion. And now I

782
00:42:23.220 --> 00:42:29.120
speak for me and lots of other women. We surrender and we pick it back up. We surrender and we pick

783
00:42:29.120 --> 00:42:35.760
it back up. And the reason why it's a balancing act is because you're coming to faith Fridays.

784
00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:39.800
You're coming to Saturdays. You're coming to prayer every morning. You're in a community.

785
00:42:39.900 --> 00:42:44.860
This was a community it's charged with. And so even when you want to just take a break,

786
00:42:44.900 --> 00:42:49.500
you'll keep going because something in your mind may say, well, don't stop. You don't want to

787
00:42:50.220 --> 00:42:54.880
but it's not true, but you have this balancing act going on and you're going to have to learn

788
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:59.160
how to balance it really well. And that's just the truth of the matter without getting discouraged.

789
00:42:59.340 --> 00:43:04.580
And when you get discouraged, don't be discouraged that you're discouraged because you have to put

790
00:43:04.580 --> 00:43:10.000
it in perspective that you're learning how to balance a journey that you've never been on

791
00:43:10.320 --> 00:43:15.400
before. And you're in a program that says, if you do it this way, it's going to produce that.

792
00:43:15.400 --> 00:43:21.380
But you also have to take into consideration that you're in a program that is teaching you

793
00:43:21.380 --> 00:43:26.660
through dating, how to discover yourself and set healthy boundaries and expand your capacity.

794
00:43:27.220 --> 00:43:31.760
And you are partnering with a God in heaven who has an agenda for your life.

795
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:38.440
And his agenda and main goal is not to get you married. Believe it or not, his main goal

796
00:43:38.440 --> 00:43:44.700
is not for you to be married. His main goal, he counts it done.

797
00:43:46.680 --> 00:43:51.720
So he's like, what else can I work in this season while she keeps coming to me?

798
00:43:52.820 --> 00:43:58.120
This is no slack on your walk with God. So don't hear what I'm not saying.

799
00:43:58.520 --> 00:44:05.060
But what can I do? Because she keeps coming to me every day about this. I got her. I get Jolie.

800
00:44:05.060 --> 00:44:08.620
She comes to me for prayer. This thing she wants keeps her near me.

801
00:44:09.020 --> 00:44:17.200
What else can I do while I'm keeping Jolie near me? And how can I develop her while she's praying

802
00:44:17.200 --> 00:44:23.240
more than she's ever prayed before? How can I help Jolie grow while she's contending more than

803
00:44:23.240 --> 00:44:28.920
she's ever contended before for this thing? And so I believe that God allows the circumstances

804
00:44:28.920 --> 00:44:32.680
that we're in to help stretch us. If you've ever had chronic pain before,

805
00:44:33.240 --> 00:44:37.240
you know that when you walk with God and you have chronic pain, it's like no other walk.

806
00:44:37.580 --> 00:44:41.980
There's nothing compared to walking with him when you're in chronic pain and when you're not in

807
00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:46.740
pain. Same thing is when the sun is shining, you don't pray the way you pray when it's storming

808
00:44:46.740 --> 00:44:50.100
or when somebody's dying or when you need to look like there's these things. And so the

809
00:44:50.140 --> 00:44:55.920
Father God maximizes on these areas. But what happens is when we are blinded and our focus

810
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:59.980
is on this one thing, we miss out on everything he wants.

811
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.620
wants to do and he is doing and he wants to develop and he's so strategic he knows that

812
00:45:06.620 --> 00:45:13.280
when you come into this land called marriage yeah that you're gonna need him more than you

813
00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:19.040
think you need him now because marriage is more to make you whole than it is to make you happy

814
00:45:19.040 --> 00:45:25.840
that is the truth it's hard for people you i don't know have you been married before yes so you know

815
00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:31.840
you know what the warfare and what is it gonna look like on the other side and so if you've

816
00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:36.620
never been married before it's so hard to see you i'm telling you yeah i've been a single woman

817
00:45:36.620 --> 00:45:42.500
before and there is some level of blindness that you can't yeah it's like have y'all been y'all

818
00:45:42.500 --> 00:45:47.720
those of you who are parents and people be talking about when they get their kids i'm gonna whoop my

819
00:45:47.720 --> 00:45:52.160
baby my baby act like that i bet you my child won't do that and they want to see how to raise

820
00:45:52.160 --> 00:45:57.860
your kids and you'll be saying just wait till you get some you'll see because nothing shows you

821
00:45:58.400 --> 00:46:05.200
a parent's heart until you're actually a parent like you gotta actually be in it to feel what

822
00:46:05.200 --> 00:46:10.100
your heart feels like when you would do anything and turn the world upside down for your own child

823
00:46:10.620 --> 00:46:15.740
and i can't act like i know because i ain't got no keys it's like i hear you but you ain't gonna

824
00:46:15.740 --> 00:46:19.780
know till you know well marriage is the same way you ain't gonna know till you know but you can't

825
00:46:19.780 --> 00:46:23.740
yourself so that you can be more ready because the people who are preparing you telling you like

826
00:46:23.740 --> 00:46:29.460
you don't know what you think you know you don't know let me help you and the lord is doing the

827
00:46:29.460 --> 00:46:35.180
same thing in this season so i'm not trying to be long-winded but it is a balancing act and you

828
00:46:35.180 --> 00:46:42.140
know um the bible says that when we have suffered a little while that the god of all grace he will

829
00:46:42.140 --> 00:46:49.840
come and perfect us establish us and settle us that's what the bible says so he did not exclude

830
00:46:49.840 --> 00:46:55.180
the fact that you're gonna suffer a little while and suffering doesn't have to look painful but

831
00:46:55.640 --> 00:47:03.140
suffering long-bearing coming through a process um that is going to do more for you than get you

832
00:47:03.140 --> 00:47:08.840
papers get you married or get you in um you know marriage and i'm not downplaying that we're all

833
00:47:08.840 --> 00:47:17.780
but i'm just telling you it's a bigger picture at play and so it's tough jodi if i all i said

834
00:47:17.780 --> 00:47:22.000
you know i've been boiling back down it can be really tough and it can be really brutal

835
00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:28.500
and it can be hope deferred make it the heart but promises fulfilled are a tree of life there's a

836
00:47:28.500 --> 00:47:34.640
reason to benefit because the heart literally does become sick sometimes and it's like i'm doing

837
00:47:34.640 --> 00:47:37.600
the thing that i'm supposed to do where are you lord

838
00:47:42.820 --> 00:47:50.460
yeah and it's hard it's um it's hard to be on the apps too because it seems like such a huge

839
00:47:51.240 --> 00:47:58.100
distraction and it is a lot of energy and it is a lot of it feels like a lot of time and and so

840
00:47:58.100 --> 00:48:08.980
sometimes um yeah i it it takes away from things that i feel like you know me and i should be

841
00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:16.800
putting my energy a little bit more this way or that way you know and so it is that is has been a

842
00:48:16.800 --> 00:48:24.240
hard thing to balance too for me i think that in that case because um it can become destructive

843
00:48:24.240 --> 00:48:28.740
just like social media like um there are times you're asking you could just scroll just to scroll

844
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:34.200
yeah you're just scrolling right okay so those are the times when you say you have to have a balance

845
00:48:34.200 --> 00:48:39.600
in everything that you do yeah and so you can always set a schedule being on apps and then

846
00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:45.340
you can take frequent breaks i am telling you you ain't gonna miss no man yeah you're not gonna miss

847
00:48:45.340 --> 00:48:51.600
your husband take these breaks come off of these apps you don't have to work it like a job because

848
00:48:51.600 --> 00:48:56.180
it's not your job there's only one person in this partnership that has a job to find your spouse and

849
00:48:56.180 --> 00:49:01.960
that's the lord and then you have the responsibility of partnering with him hearing him groaning him

850
00:49:02.180 --> 00:49:06.600
what's most important in your life during this season is hearing him through prayer what's most

851
00:49:06.600 --> 00:49:09.960
important in your life is going to the father saying how are you wanting to develop me right

852
00:49:10.220 --> 00:49:16.800
now yeah where's your hand at in my life what is your finger on what are you expanding in me in

853
00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:22.640
this season of my life right because you seek first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness

854
00:49:22.640 --> 00:49:26.820
and all these things should be added unto you this thing seek first the kingdom of heaven is

855
00:49:26.820 --> 00:49:33.500
your dominion mandate what you were designed to your mandate in the earth as a spiritual being

856
00:49:33.500 --> 00:49:37.960
and that all these things are added unto you what is all these things in marriage and this

857
00:49:37.960 --> 00:49:41.700
now i'm not teaching this to you in the way church talks and said just sit on the sideline

858
00:49:41.700 --> 00:49:47.740
i wouldn't be at this program if it was the case so you have this strategic plan that you're working

859
00:49:47.740 --> 00:49:54.080
in this area but you're also sitting because if if something else in your life is expanding and

860
00:49:54.260 --> 00:49:59.880
growing you don't have a lot of disappointments about marriage i'm i know this for myself

861
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.160
Yeah, that's true.

862
00:50:01.160 --> 00:50:03.360
Yeah, if you have other things

863
00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:05.760
and you're watching God grow you and expand you

864
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:08.200
and teach you, you become so fascinated

865
00:50:08.200 --> 00:50:09.460
with what he's doing.

866
00:50:10.020 --> 00:50:12.880
And you're like, man, God, do it.

867
00:50:12.920 --> 00:50:14.680
It's like, this is amazing.

868
00:50:15.180 --> 00:50:17.340
And then you're still contending for marriage

869
00:50:17.340 --> 00:50:18.520
and you're still believing him,

870
00:50:18.540 --> 00:50:20.860
but you're in it for the whole process.

871
00:50:21.220 --> 00:50:23.400
God is just not your vehicle to marriage.

872
00:50:23.660 --> 00:50:25.200
And you're gonna have more disappointment

873
00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:27.640
when you decide God is gonna be your vehicle to marriage

874
00:50:27.640 --> 00:50:29.840
and you have no intentions of partnering with him

875
00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:33.320
for the overall fullness of your life.

876
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:35.580
Then you're gonna be very sad.

877
00:50:35.640 --> 00:50:37.220
And if you do feel like that,

878
00:50:37.300 --> 00:50:39.200
then you just need to release it

879
00:50:39.200 --> 00:50:41.100
and come into another type of agreement.

880
00:50:43.380 --> 00:50:44.760
Because that's the thing,

881
00:50:44.820 --> 00:50:45.900
you can go through that phase

882
00:50:45.900 --> 00:50:48.360
where God is just the vehicle to get you this man.

883
00:50:48.720 --> 00:50:51.020
But I'm telling you, it don't work like that with him.

884
00:50:51.200 --> 00:50:51.680
Right.

885
00:50:51.880 --> 00:50:54.080
It's just, he's saying, you won't partner with me?

886
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:56.280
Oh, okay, we go by my way.

887
00:50:56.280 --> 00:50:58.500
I don't care what your way is.

888
00:50:59.040 --> 00:51:00.700
You said you won't partner with me.

889
00:51:00.980 --> 00:51:01.820
This how I do it.

890
00:51:03.160 --> 00:51:05.560
Yeah, I'd rather do it that way.

891
00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:07.320
So I get it.

892
00:51:07.480 --> 00:51:08.680
So be encouraged, Jodi.

893
00:51:09.140 --> 00:51:11.120
You're not alone in it.

894
00:51:13.040 --> 00:51:14.780
Ask the Lord, where's your hand?

895
00:51:14.880 --> 00:51:16.080
What are you developing?

896
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:18.100
What are you doing in this season of my life?

897
00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:19.640
Yeah, okay.

898
00:51:21.480 --> 00:51:22.000
Yeah.

899
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:24.560
Yeah, I know that he's doing a lot

900
00:51:24.560 --> 00:51:27.020
and I do feel exhausted

901
00:51:27.020 --> 00:51:28.700
and there has been a lot of warfare.

902
00:51:30.700 --> 00:51:32.900
And so, yeah.

903
00:51:33.080 --> 00:51:38.340
I think that the apps and the dating

904
00:51:38.340 --> 00:51:42.940
is something that I can let go a little bit right now

905
00:51:43.560 --> 00:51:44.680
because, yeah.

906
00:51:45.820 --> 00:51:48.000
Not completely, but just.

907
00:51:48.020 --> 00:51:48.680
I know what you're saying.

908
00:51:49.320 --> 00:51:49.880
Right.

909
00:51:49.880 --> 00:51:51.420
You can just let it like one thing

910
00:51:51.420 --> 00:51:53.740
and I always do it and I'm just sharing this

911
00:51:53.740 --> 00:51:55.160
because it's really good wisdom.

912
00:51:55.900 --> 00:51:59.180
I make exchanges with the Lord all the time.

913
00:51:59.600 --> 00:52:03.060
Literally, I say, I lay marriage at the altar.

914
00:52:04.640 --> 00:52:06.260
What do you have for me?

915
00:52:07.880 --> 00:52:10.300
I'm laying this thing down on the altar.

916
00:52:10.900 --> 00:52:12.500
When I start dating somebody,

917
00:52:12.580 --> 00:52:14.080
I just say, I lay it at the altar.

918
00:52:14.940 --> 00:52:16.660
You wanna burn it up, burn it up.

919
00:52:17.140 --> 00:52:17.700
Yeah.

920
00:52:17.700 --> 00:52:19.140
Let it crumble, let it fall.

921
00:52:19.300 --> 00:52:20.620
And I make constant,

922
00:52:20.620 --> 00:52:24.620
I am always making exchanges at the altar of the Lord.

923
00:52:24.940 --> 00:52:27.200
And I'm laying it down, I'm laying it down

924
00:52:27.200 --> 00:52:31.080
because it can be trusted at the altar of the Lord.

925
00:52:31.220 --> 00:52:31.660
Yeah.

926
00:52:31.660 --> 00:52:33.000
It's at the altar of the Lord.

927
00:52:33.360 --> 00:52:34.540
Look what Abraham did.

928
00:52:34.840 --> 00:52:36.920
The Lord told him, sacrifice his only son.

929
00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:38.620
This was just on any son.

930
00:52:38.700 --> 00:52:41.020
This was the promised son that was supposed to birth nation.

931
00:52:41.780 --> 00:52:45.460
He went to give his son up at the altar

932
00:52:45.460 --> 00:52:47.620
and the Lord took care of it.

933
00:52:48.260 --> 00:52:50.120
The altar is not a scary place.

934
00:52:50.120 --> 00:52:52.780
It's the best place to lay anything down

935
00:52:53.440 --> 00:52:55.000
because it's safe with the Lord.

936
00:52:55.180 --> 00:52:56.340
There's a scripture that says,

937
00:52:56.560 --> 00:52:58.460
Jesus said, if you hold on to your life,

938
00:52:58.460 --> 00:52:59.260
you're gonna lose it.

939
00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:01.500
But if you give it to me, you'll gain.

940
00:53:02.020 --> 00:53:04.720
It's something about exchanges.

941
00:53:04.960 --> 00:53:08.720
We have to release something and stop holding so tight

942
00:53:08.720 --> 00:53:10.940
because we believe the more tightly we hold

943
00:53:10.980 --> 00:53:12.400
that we can make it happen.

944
00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:14.080
And you can't, if you can make it happen,

945
00:53:14.140 --> 00:53:15.520
you've been married by now, trust me.

946
00:53:15.520 --> 00:53:17.280
You will not get a job with no husband

947
00:53:17.280 --> 00:53:19.280
if you can go out there and get you one on your own.

948
00:53:19.960 --> 00:53:23.080
If you thought he would be a man of substance and quality,

949
00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:24.680
if you had him lined up at your door,

950
00:53:24.740 --> 00:53:26.220
you would not be sitting on this Zoom.

951
00:53:27.680 --> 00:53:30.400
So you needed to partner with somebody

952
00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:33.460
who had a greater working than you in the earth

953
00:53:33.600 --> 00:53:35.220
that could bring you something

954
00:53:35.220 --> 00:53:38.020
you were never able to bring yourself.

955
00:53:39.320 --> 00:53:42.080
And you, or you've been married and you know,

956
00:53:42.080 --> 00:53:46.400
if God, you know what the troubled water that's before you.

957
00:53:46.400 --> 00:53:48.860
You don't need somebody bigger than you

958
00:53:48.900 --> 00:53:50.720
to know somebody's heart.

959
00:53:51.700 --> 00:53:53.580
Because you just don't have the ability

960
00:53:53.580 --> 00:53:56.280
to know a person's heart in the way that the father does.

961
00:53:56.500 --> 00:53:58.640
You don't know that five years from now,

962
00:53:58.640 --> 00:54:00.340
10 years from now, 20 years from now,

963
00:54:00.340 --> 00:54:02.000
you just know who they are looking at you

964
00:54:02.000 --> 00:54:02.960
across that dinner table,

965
00:54:03.100 --> 00:54:04.820
telling you all their dreams and hopes

966
00:54:04.820 --> 00:54:07.900
and what they wanna do and what they have done.

967
00:54:08.520 --> 00:54:13.260
And so I just, you know, just wanna share that.

968
00:54:14.100 --> 00:54:14.340
So.

969
00:54:14.600 --> 00:54:15.360
Yeah, thank you.

970
00:54:15.460 --> 00:54:16.180
That's a good word.

971
00:54:16.680 --> 00:54:17.660
Thank you.

972
00:54:18.400 --> 00:54:19.160
You're welcome.

973
00:54:20.260 --> 00:54:21.760
More practice this week.

974
00:54:22.180 --> 00:54:23.260
It's all good.

975
00:54:24.180 --> 00:54:26.100
It's wonderful, greater glory.

976
00:54:26.740 --> 00:54:27.860
That's right.

977
00:54:29.580 --> 00:54:31.300
And I received that.

978
00:54:31.540 --> 00:54:32.620
So thank you.

979
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:33.420
You're welcome.

980
00:54:35.200 --> 00:54:39.940
Oh, Nikki, tell me Nikki, what's going on?

981
00:54:40.260 --> 00:54:42.000
I've been thinking about you.

982
00:54:42.000 --> 00:54:43.800
I've been praying for you.

983
00:54:44.420 --> 00:54:45.380
Well, thank you, Ebony.

984
00:54:46.400 --> 00:54:50.840
First, thanks for sharing what you just shared with Jodi.

985
00:54:51.380 --> 00:54:54.360
That was very timely for me as well.

986
00:54:56.160 --> 00:54:59.560
I don't have a whole lot to say, thank God,

987
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.380
Because I took so much time last week.

988
00:55:03.000 --> 00:55:04.260
Don't you worry about that, Nikki.

989
00:55:04.700 --> 00:55:05.960
Thank you.

990
00:55:07.820 --> 00:55:14.280
My last day at that school where the deputy is was Wednesday.

991
00:55:15.140 --> 00:55:18.640
And he avoided me the whole day.

992
00:55:18.960 --> 00:55:21.640
And he didn't say goodbye even.

993
00:55:22.920 --> 00:55:27.000
And I was really disappointed.

994
00:55:30.280 --> 00:55:36.640
And because it was an organic connection that I feel like

995
00:55:37.700 --> 00:55:40.680
would have gone somewhere if there wasn't an age difference.

996
00:55:42.100 --> 00:55:44.480
And because I don't like the dating apps either.

997
00:55:44.740 --> 00:55:49.860
I'll do it because I want to grow.

998
00:55:50.820 --> 00:55:57.020
But it's like, in a way, it's made

999
00:55:57.020 --> 00:55:59.680
me want to push off the dating apps longer.

1000
00:55:59.920 --> 00:56:01.280
Because I'm going to compare.

1001
00:56:01.820 --> 00:56:03.900
There's nothing like a connection

1002
00:56:03.960 --> 00:56:07.120
that happens in person the way that that did.

1003
00:56:08.100 --> 00:56:11.540
And I thought that he would say goodbye, at least.

1004
00:56:12.380 --> 00:56:14.000
Because he's not a rude person.

1005
00:56:14.120 --> 00:56:16.720
Like, that's not what I would have expected from him.

1006
00:56:16.720 --> 00:56:18.320
And I didn't do anything embarrassing.

1007
00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:22.720
I didn't feel like I deserved that.

1008
00:56:22.860 --> 00:56:24.380
But at the same time, I'm not saying

1009
00:56:24.380 --> 00:56:25.780
he owes me anything either.

1010
00:56:26.660 --> 00:56:29.780
But it was just disappointing.

1011
00:56:30.420 --> 00:56:33.840
But I'm off of that roller coaster now.

1012
00:56:34.140 --> 00:56:36.400
Seven weeks of uncertainty.

1013
00:56:37.200 --> 00:56:39.000
And now I'm out of it.

1014
00:56:39.240 --> 00:56:40.100
So that's good.

1015
00:56:40.900 --> 00:56:41.380
Yeah.

1016
00:56:41.780 --> 00:56:44.660
Let me just add right here, in case you add something that's

1017
00:56:44.660 --> 00:56:46.280
like, I don't get a chance to see it.

1018
00:56:46.280 --> 00:56:51.280
I believe it's a bit unfair to assign to yourself

1019
00:56:53.120 --> 00:56:57.280
that he possibly mistreated you by not saying goodbye

1020
00:56:57.540 --> 00:57:00.540
and saying, I didn't do anything to deserve that.

1021
00:57:01.220 --> 00:57:04.020
Because this is putting you in a victim state

1022
00:57:04.300 --> 00:57:05.640
when it could have been.

1023
00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:07.660
I'm just telling you what it could have been in ways

1024
00:57:07.660 --> 00:57:09.460
I would like for you to process things.

1025
00:57:09.480 --> 00:57:12.100
It could have been it was hard for him to say bye to you.

1026
00:57:12.600 --> 00:57:14.240
It could have been he really wanted

1027
00:57:14.240 --> 00:57:15.260
to ask you for your number.

1028
00:57:15.260 --> 00:57:17.800
But he thought you was going to reject him.

1029
00:57:18.460 --> 00:57:20.000
Yeah, I have thought of that.

1030
00:57:20.260 --> 00:57:20.580
I have.

1031
00:57:20.620 --> 00:57:22.900
I don't want you to quickly assign

1032
00:57:22.900 --> 00:57:25.600
that it was something wrong with you

1033
00:57:26.200 --> 00:57:30.040
and that you didn't deserve it and that he didn't even

1034
00:57:30.040 --> 00:57:32.580
say bye to you, how he could treat you like that.

1035
00:57:32.840 --> 00:57:36.120
It just gives you this victim status that you're not.

1036
00:57:36.360 --> 00:57:37.860
And I don't know why he didn't do it.

1037
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:40.520
Maybe he didn't have the courage to do it.

1038
00:57:40.780 --> 00:57:42.860
Maybe all day he was rehearsing in his head

1039
00:57:42.860 --> 00:57:46.440
what he was going to say to you when he saw you to see

1040
00:57:46.440 --> 00:57:47.640
if he could get your number.

1041
00:57:49.480 --> 00:57:51.160
Maybe those are real things.

1042
00:57:51.360 --> 00:57:52.940
And so I just want you to know that, Nikki,

1043
00:57:54.240 --> 00:57:56.780
because if you process it the other way,

1044
00:57:56.780 --> 00:57:58.380
it doesn't serve you best.

1045
00:57:58.400 --> 00:58:01.160
And the enemy is going to use it to just nibble at you.

1046
00:58:01.200 --> 00:58:03.060
You're not going to hear the thoughts, but they're there.

1047
00:58:03.900 --> 00:58:06.160
Yeah, it's like a rejection narrative.

1048
00:58:07.940 --> 00:58:08.380
Yeah.

1049
00:58:08.380 --> 00:58:13.360
And at the same time, I've felt like I have grown

1050
00:58:15.180 --> 00:58:16.600
in a lot of ways.

1051
00:58:17.120 --> 00:58:20.560
I feel like I handled it well, all of it.

1052
00:58:20.640 --> 00:58:24.020
And actually, after the call last Tuesday,

1053
00:58:25.600 --> 00:58:31.640
or yeah, last Tuesday, I had a, OK, so prior to the call,

1054
00:58:32.520 --> 00:58:35.980
I was so just worried about being rejected.

1055
00:58:36.800 --> 00:58:41.240
And so I was thinking, ever since I

1056
00:58:41.240 --> 00:58:43.320
knew I was leaving the job, which was about mid-October,

1057
00:58:43.380 --> 00:58:46.160
I thought, I'm going to be the one to say goodbye.

1058
00:58:46.260 --> 00:58:47.340
I'm going to initiate it.

1059
00:58:47.400 --> 00:58:48.620
I know what I'm going to say.

1060
00:58:48.620 --> 00:58:49.600
It's going to be short and sweet.

1061
00:58:49.680 --> 00:58:51.240
And then I'm going to leave first

1062
00:58:52.140 --> 00:58:57.180
so that I have no chance of standing there waiting to see

1063
00:58:57.180 --> 00:59:00.180
if he's going to get my number and then feel bad.

1064
00:59:00.600 --> 00:59:04.720
But then up until the call, I was literally rehearsing.

1065
00:59:04.720 --> 00:59:07.960
I'm going to say, I wish you the best, blah, blah, blah,

1066
00:59:07.960 --> 00:59:10.140
and then walk away really fast.

1067
00:59:10.420 --> 00:59:11.760
I'll be the first one to exit.

1068
00:59:12.140 --> 00:59:16.660
But after the call, I just had this total change,

1069
00:59:17.200 --> 00:59:20.840
peace about, I felt like God was saying, no, you're not

1070
00:59:20.840 --> 00:59:22.480
supposed to be the one to do any of it.

1071
00:59:22.980 --> 00:59:24.400
Let him initiate it.

1072
00:59:25.080 --> 00:59:26.800
He can lead the tone.

1073
00:59:26.940 --> 00:59:28.480
You don't need to rehearse it.

1074
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:30.380
And let him walk away first.

1075
00:59:30.380 --> 00:59:36.960
And I felt like God was saying, you'll be fine.

1076
00:59:37.020 --> 00:59:38.740
If he walks away first, you'll be fine.

1077
00:59:39.260 --> 00:59:43.480
Just let it happen the way it's going to happen.

1078
00:59:43.660 --> 00:59:44.980
Don't control it.

1079
00:59:45.100 --> 00:59:49.040
And so all day, I'm wondering when I'm going to see him.

1080
00:59:49.180 --> 00:59:50.320
It's so noticeable.

1081
00:59:50.820 --> 00:59:54.960
He doesn't even go on the campus that I'm on at the time

1082
00:59:54.960 --> 00:59:56.560
I'm on that part of the campus.

1083
00:59:57.300 --> 00:59:59.980
And then it's the very end of the day.

1084
01:00:00.760 --> 01:00:04.960
and I'm like thinking he's gonna say goodbye because this is the other thing.

1085
01:00:05.080 --> 01:00:10.360
On Monday I did see him and he stopped me in the parking lot and he said

1086
01:00:11.840 --> 01:00:16.440
Wednesday right and I said my last day and he said yes your last day he said

1087
01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:25.220
see I remember I remembered and he said he said it's gonna be such a sad day he

1088
01:00:25.220 --> 01:00:28.720
was smiling he's like it's gonna be such a sad day such a sad day he said it

1089
01:00:28.720 --> 01:00:34.480
and I said you're really bad at lying because he had made a joke a couple

1090
01:00:34.480 --> 01:00:37.820
weeks ago when he first found out I was leaving he said he'll be so happy when

1091
01:00:37.820 --> 01:00:42.900
I'm gone he likes to joke a lot of when he I I guess to cover his emotions I

1092
01:00:42.900 --> 01:00:47.280
don't know but so I said you said it was gonna be happy what is which one is it

1093
01:00:47.280 --> 01:00:51.860
and he said that'll be for you to decide and then I said are you gonna be there

1094
01:00:52.520 --> 01:00:55.980
Wednesday and he's like yeah as long as I'm not getting fired between now and

1095
01:00:56.680 --> 01:01:01.520
and I said oh what did you do wrong and he was like nothing that I know of and

1096
01:01:01.520 --> 01:01:05.900
then he said I'll see you Wednesday we'll have a goodbye and then so I'm

1097
01:01:05.900 --> 01:01:09.620
thinking like he really will say goodbye I was really thinking that and so I'm

1098
01:01:09.620 --> 01:01:13.000
just waiting at the end of the day because I felt like God told me you're

1099
01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:19.380
not supposed to initiate it and I I'm showing someone something on my

1100
01:01:19.380 --> 01:01:24.400
computer I'm standing at the doorway of the back office and she's standing in

1101
01:01:24.400 --> 01:01:28.900
the doorway I'm standing like next to her and he comes walking by so fast he

1102
01:01:28.900 --> 01:01:33.780
looks at me really briefly and um just kind of tosses up his hand and keeps

1103
01:01:34.420 --> 01:01:40.300
walking and I'm just like what I was like I told God I was like did I not

1104
01:01:40.300 --> 01:01:45.300
hear you correctly because you told me I thought you told me I'm not supposed to

1105
01:01:45.300 --> 01:01:51.480
initiate it but I'll get my goodbye at least he'll say goodbye but I'm like so

1106
01:01:51.480 --> 01:01:57.380
first thought was did I mishear God and then my second thought was oh wow like

1107
01:01:57.380 --> 01:02:03.920
I'm really easy to dismiss and then my I don't know I had like a third thought

1108
01:02:03.920 --> 01:02:07.900
that probably wasn't the truth either because I don't think I misheard God I

1109
01:02:07.900 --> 01:02:11.360
really do think I wasn't supposed to control it and if he was going to do

1110
01:02:11.480 --> 01:02:19.060
that like that's just the outcome it was going to be and um because I can't

1111
01:02:19.060 --> 01:02:24.300
piece like that I got after the phone call or from last Tuesday it was a

1112
01:02:24.300 --> 01:02:29.260
combination of some stuff you had said and then just I don't know it was like

1113
01:02:29.260 --> 01:02:32.340
it was a few things like anxious attachment needs to be like you were

1114
01:02:32.340 --> 01:02:38.040
saying how that needs to be like oh it wasn't you weren't being anxiously

1115
01:02:38.040 --> 01:02:41.760
attached no I hear I'm listening to you I'm sorry if I make you feel like I

1116
01:02:41.760 --> 01:02:47.220
don't understand no no no no it was like I couldn't even put words in like I

1117
01:02:47.420 --> 01:02:52.380
couldn't like pinpoint exactly what you said but as soon as the call was over or

1118
01:02:52.380 --> 01:02:56.380
as soon as I was done sharing and you were done sharing I was like there's a

1119
01:02:56.740 --> 01:03:00.540
piece I was just like oh I am not supposed to initiate it I just felt so

1120
01:03:00.540 --> 01:03:05.800
sure I texted my mom I don't I said I'm not supposed to initiate this

1121
01:03:06.080 --> 01:03:09.680
yeah I had literally for two weeks planned I'm gonna be the one to control

1122
01:03:09.880 --> 01:03:13.620
this and um but I remember you mentioning something about anxious

1123
01:03:13.620 --> 01:03:19.220
attachment and then also like how I can make good decisions and um there was a

1124
01:03:19.220 --> 01:03:24.400
few things but I just knew like I'm not supposed to initiate it and then that's

1125
01:03:24.400 --> 01:03:30.920
what happened well yeah you Nikki I'm telling you things work in so many ways

1126
01:03:30.920 --> 01:03:36.760
I don't know what can happen in the days to come but you know his plan might

1127
01:03:36.760 --> 01:03:40.140
have been to talk to you and give you his number and if there's something that

1128
01:03:40.140 --> 01:03:44.140
didn't want to go anywhere he gave you the best goodbye he could have given you

1129
01:03:45.080 --> 01:03:51.340
I don't know what this guy's intentions were I don't you know you never you just never know

1130
01:03:51.660 --> 01:03:56.880
and you just never know why the lord told you to let him initiate it because if you had initiated

1131
01:03:57.080 --> 01:04:02.700
it could have gone another way the way that so whatever you feel like the lord told you

1132
01:04:02.700 --> 01:04:05.520
it gave you peace enough to keep your mouth closed

1133
01:04:07.780 --> 01:04:13.760
right and so you were silent enough to let it play out

1134
01:04:15.200 --> 01:04:20.300
you know and if it's not meant to go into this next season with you then it doesn't need to go

1135
01:04:22.360 --> 01:04:30.120
because it's only now then of course that would be a waste of time maybe some hard lessons

1136
01:04:30.840 --> 01:04:39.320
that don't need to be learned yeah right yeah absolutely and so I think that I don't doubt that

1137
01:04:39.320 --> 01:04:49.560
you heard the lord tell you that um and um he said goodbye the way he said goodbye but it didn't

1138
01:04:49.560 --> 01:04:55.200
wouldn't be what you would have given to him and it is a big difference from what he said to you

1139
01:04:55.200 --> 01:04:59.620
on one day and then showed up like that two days later yeah

1140
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.640
Yeah, that's interesting.

1141
01:05:02.620 --> 01:05:03.460
Yeah, it was.

1142
01:05:09.080 --> 01:05:11.420
Yeah, I've definitely thought about it a lot.

1143
01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:14.360
I'm sure. Nikki, what's the age difference?

1144
01:05:14.760 --> 01:05:15.920
Someone asked in the chat.

1145
01:05:16.600 --> 01:05:17.100
Twelve.

1146
01:05:18.360 --> 01:05:19.600
Twelve years. He's 12 years younger.

1147
01:05:19.800 --> 01:05:23.080
Almost 13. He's 13 years younger almost

1148
01:05:23.440 --> 01:05:28.620
because I'm about to be 38 next month and he's 25.

1149
01:05:30.140 --> 01:05:33.420
And see, he's young. That's a young boy.

1150
01:05:34.160 --> 01:05:39.700
Yeah, and that makes me feel like I'm like, I don't know.

1151
01:05:40.360 --> 01:05:41.480
Yo, Nikki, you a cougar.

1152
01:05:43.160 --> 01:05:48.780
No, I just I feel like so weird that I would even track with him.

1153
01:05:48.880 --> 01:05:51.940
But first of all, he could he could pass for 30.

1154
01:05:52.900 --> 01:05:55.800
And Nikki, you just put him younger.

1155
01:05:56.040 --> 01:05:58.380
You fine. Don't you worry about that.

1156
01:05:58.380 --> 01:06:00.960
That man know what he saw and he liked it.

1157
01:06:01.000 --> 01:06:04.420
Don't you be trying to come up with no answers for no stuff like that.

1158
01:06:04.540 --> 01:06:08.760
And I just don't want anyone to think like I'm going for like the young guys on purpose.

1159
01:06:08.760 --> 01:06:12.180
Like it's the conversation we had that I'm just like, oh, my gosh.

1160
01:06:12.180 --> 01:06:14.040
Like, I feel like I'm talking to.

1161
01:06:14.060 --> 01:06:16.020
I feel like we're both 31 or something.

1162
01:06:16.140 --> 01:06:20.300
Like we met halfway because he's so mature in a lot of ways.

1163
01:06:20.440 --> 01:06:24.280
I mean, it wasn't mature for him to like walk past me and toss his hand up.

1164
01:06:24.440 --> 01:06:27.660
But but other than that, he's really got this maturity.

1165
01:06:27.660 --> 01:06:31.740
So I just thought like maybe it would work out.

1166
01:06:31.740 --> 01:06:33.600
I don't know. And you don't have to Christian.

1167
01:06:33.640 --> 01:06:35.300
He's a Christian. That's the biggest thing.

1168
01:06:35.300 --> 01:06:37.200
But you don't have to defend it, Nikki.

1169
01:06:37.460 --> 01:06:40.080
We are nobody. I'm not thinking it.

1170
01:06:40.080 --> 01:06:42.480
I'm not thinking I'm not thinking anything.

1171
01:06:42.580 --> 01:06:45.400
You have already explained to me that you met this really young guy at work.

1172
01:06:45.540 --> 01:06:47.100
You were hesitant to get to know him.

1173
01:06:47.280 --> 01:06:51.060
When you got to know him, he turned out to be a great guy as far as you could tell.

1174
01:06:51.680 --> 01:06:54.040
It's I just I think it's cute.

1175
01:06:55.780 --> 01:06:57.300
I think you're adorable.

1176
01:06:57.640 --> 01:07:00.480
And so I just he's twenty five.

1177
01:07:00.700 --> 01:07:02.900
Some a lot of men like older women.

1178
01:07:02.900 --> 01:07:05.820
It's just it's just what it was.

1179
01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:07.420
It was a good experience for you.

1180
01:07:07.620 --> 01:07:11.480
I do believe I enjoyed the experience you had.

1181
01:07:11.640 --> 01:07:15.460
I mean, this is the other thing that made it difficult.

1182
01:07:15.460 --> 01:07:23.060
The last seven weeks is one of the one of the days the principal of the middle school asked me.

1183
01:07:23.640 --> 01:07:27.980
I don't know if she knew my age, but she said, do you have any children?

1184
01:07:28.300 --> 01:07:32.220
She she started off the conversation, asked me that and I told her no.

1185
01:07:32.460 --> 01:07:35.020
And then we talked about that a little bit.

1186
01:07:35.020 --> 01:07:38.440
I said that she says I'm like, oh, you've got time or something.

1187
01:07:38.440 --> 01:07:41.180
And I said, well, I don't know how much time I have.

1188
01:07:41.180 --> 01:07:44.460
And I I did share my age at that point, but I don't know if she knew already.

1189
01:07:45.000 --> 01:07:49.740
But she said, are you waiting for the right guy, the right man?

1190
01:07:49.740 --> 01:07:51.360
And I said, yes, I am.

1191
01:07:51.360 --> 01:07:55.180
And then she said, would you ever date younger?

1192
01:07:56.020 --> 01:08:00.160
And I said, oh, it depends on the man.

1193
01:08:00.400 --> 01:08:02.980
And I said I would want him to be mature.

1194
01:08:03.380 --> 01:08:05.220
And she's like making sure.

1195
01:08:05.760 --> 01:08:08.300
And she's like, he is like she's making a mental checklist.

1196
01:08:08.420 --> 01:08:12.220
And then she said and then I said, Godly, I'd want to be godly.

1197
01:08:12.420 --> 01:08:14.080
I remember all the qualities I listed.

1198
01:08:14.240 --> 01:08:20.520
But she's like, OK, she's like, because I've been telling our school resource deputy that he needs to find a good woman.

1199
01:08:21.160 --> 01:08:23.000
Just like the world.

1200
01:08:24.240 --> 01:08:26.200
I did not expect this at all from her.

1201
01:08:27.540 --> 01:08:29.560
And so I told him that he liked you.

1202
01:08:31.500 --> 01:08:36.040
I think that some people had seen us talking really late one day.

1203
01:08:36.720 --> 01:08:39.060
And maybe that got back to her.

1204
01:08:39.120 --> 01:08:43.600
But I told her that I thought he lost interest after he learned my age.

1205
01:08:44.540 --> 01:08:49.680
And but I did say I wouldn't normally date a 25 year old, but he's mature and godly.

1206
01:08:49.680 --> 01:08:50.920
And so I would consider him.

1207
01:08:51.140 --> 01:08:53.420
But I don't think she ever told him.

1208
01:08:53.479 --> 01:08:56.460
I don't know if she did, then I would feel even worse.

1209
01:08:56.540 --> 01:09:02.540
But I don't think she did just because he didn't change necessarily how he interacted with me.

1210
01:09:04.580 --> 01:09:06.760
So I don't remember why I brought that up.

1211
01:09:07.140 --> 01:09:14.359
But anyway, it was just another thing that made me anxious because I wasn't looking to put that out there.

1212
01:09:14.359 --> 01:09:21.279
I was like, just introduced to me without warning.

1213
01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:23.380
No, I understand what you're saying.

1214
01:09:26.140 --> 01:09:28.460
Well, I'm glad you have peace.

1215
01:09:29.319 --> 01:09:31.600
And I'm excited for you.

1216
01:09:32.160 --> 01:09:37.800
And I think that was a really good experience to meet someone to talk with them to be excited

1217
01:09:37.800 --> 01:09:41.840
the next day to go to work to see them when they come around.

1218
01:09:41.840 --> 01:09:44.420
I just think it's fun all together.

1219
01:09:44.960 --> 01:09:52.359
And I think that it is worth holding near to your heart and extracting what's good.

1220
01:09:52.760 --> 01:09:56.260
You know, I used to hear growing up the pastors used to always say,

1221
01:09:56.440 --> 01:09:57.820
take the meat and spit out the bone.

1222
01:09:58.920 --> 01:09:59.980
Take the meat, spit.

1223
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.300
out the bones because you're going to meet somebody else.

1224
01:10:03.560 --> 01:10:05.300
And meeting him, I heard you say,

1225
01:10:05.460 --> 01:10:07.280
kind of ruined it for what it would be

1226
01:10:07.280 --> 01:10:08.520
like to meet somebody online.

1227
01:10:08.560 --> 01:10:10.360
But I disagree with that.

1228
01:10:10.900 --> 01:10:12.320
I think that's a perspective.

1229
01:10:12.460 --> 01:10:17.640
But I think it could also be a building block or standard.

1230
01:10:18.040 --> 01:10:21.260
And so now you've had a really great experience,

1231
01:10:21.260 --> 01:10:23.760
and so you have something to compare it to.

1232
01:10:24.080 --> 01:10:26.900
So you started off on a really good note,

1233
01:10:26.900 --> 01:10:30.860
meaning the next one doesn't have to be that,

1234
01:10:31.180 --> 01:10:33.820
but you have a standard for what you expect.

1235
01:10:35.340 --> 01:10:35.580
Yeah.

1236
01:10:35.720 --> 01:10:36.260
Yeah.

1237
01:10:36.540 --> 01:10:38.300
And so, yeah.

1238
01:10:38.300 --> 01:10:41.420
And in dating, I've learned as we trade up,

1239
01:10:41.480 --> 01:10:45.080
we really do go up, meaning we keep getting

1240
01:10:45.080 --> 01:10:47.080
better and better and better.

1241
01:10:47.960 --> 01:10:50.780
And just how it works.

1242
01:10:50.940 --> 01:10:52.760
The quicker you say no to something

1243
01:10:52.760 --> 01:10:55.980
that doesn't serve you best, it makes space for those things

1244
01:10:55.980 --> 01:10:58.340
that will serve you best to come into your life.

1245
01:10:59.500 --> 01:11:02.420
And so I'm excited for you.

1246
01:11:03.160 --> 01:11:03.640
Thank you.

1247
01:11:03.880 --> 01:11:06.360
Yeah, I still probably won't go on the dating app until January.

1248
01:11:07.380 --> 01:11:07.900
Yeah.

1249
01:11:08.380 --> 01:11:09.900
But I will go.

1250
01:11:10.120 --> 01:11:14.340
It's not that I will avoid it forever.

1251
01:11:15.520 --> 01:11:15.520


1252
01:11:16.400 --> 01:11:17.260
Well, I understand.

1253
01:11:17.340 --> 01:11:19.380
You go on there, you're probably going to get a lot of hits,

1254
01:11:19.740 --> 01:11:22.020
though, because you're really pretty.

1255
01:11:22.980 --> 01:11:25.120
But all of us are really pretty ladies.

1256
01:11:25.720 --> 01:11:29.040
Don't, if you're struggling and I say that and it triggers,

1257
01:11:29.340 --> 01:11:32.700
you tell me so we can deal with that root issue there.

1258
01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:36.440
I've liked guys on the apps, though, too,

1259
01:11:36.440 --> 01:11:37.940
and they won't like me back.

1260
01:11:37.980 --> 01:11:41.120
So it does happen to all of us.

1261
01:11:41.200 --> 01:11:41.720
Yeah.

1262
01:11:41.980 --> 01:11:43.780
If anyone else experiences that.

1263
01:11:44.120 --> 01:11:44.540
Yeah.

1264
01:11:44.580 --> 01:11:47.140
It's OK, Nikki, when you go on the dating apps.

1265
01:11:47.300 --> 01:11:50.920
I do want you to be putting yourself out there.

1266
01:11:52.640 --> 01:11:53.160
Yeah.

1267
01:11:53.680 --> 01:11:56.620
Oh, that's nice, Laurie, that you work on the Coach 101.

1268
01:11:58.440 --> 01:12:01.840
You know, be out and about and getting to meet people.

1269
01:12:02.060 --> 01:12:02.960
That's totally up to you.

1270
01:12:03.380 --> 01:12:08.060
I don't have a pressure point for anything like that.

1271
01:12:08.980 --> 01:12:09.900
It's up to you.

1272
01:12:10.280 --> 01:12:12.940
I don't feel if you go on in January, you go on in January.

1273
01:12:13.140 --> 01:12:15.140
If you go in February, you go on in February.

1274
01:12:16.180 --> 01:12:18.960
I just don't have a thought for that.

1275
01:12:19.380 --> 01:12:21.640
Yeah, I was thinking January because I

1276
01:12:21.640 --> 01:12:24.540
could get through the holidays without the stress.

1277
01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:28.860
But I was, after this whole experience with the deputy,

1278
01:12:28.880 --> 01:12:30.940
I was like, OK, maybe March.

1279
01:12:32.120 --> 01:12:32.680
But you're.

1280
01:12:32.920 --> 01:12:34.040
Yeah, me, Nikki.

1281
01:12:34.340 --> 01:12:36.840
You act like you went through a breakup or something.

1282
01:12:36.880 --> 01:12:38.320
What you guys, what you doing?

1283
01:12:38.380 --> 01:12:41.280
You can't use it for an excuse not to put yourself out there.

1284
01:12:41.620 --> 01:12:45.040
I think it probably is an excuse because you're right.

1285
01:12:45.420 --> 01:12:49.240
Instead of it ruining it, it's something

1286
01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:53.780
to measure the next connection by.

1287
01:12:54.460 --> 01:12:56.700
You don't measure the next connection by.

1288
01:12:56.880 --> 01:12:57.800
That's not what I'm saying.

1289
01:12:58.500 --> 01:13:01.520
What I'm saying is there is a level of a standard

1290
01:13:01.520 --> 01:13:02.840
that is within you.

1291
01:13:02.840 --> 01:13:05.020
But you can't measure the next experience

1292
01:13:05.020 --> 01:13:06.800
by an experience you had with somebody else.

1293
01:13:06.820 --> 01:13:08.900
And that was a very partial experience.

1294
01:13:10.600 --> 01:13:13.700
Right, it was your initial connection.

1295
01:13:14.640 --> 01:13:16.660
That's all you really know about this guy.

1296
01:13:16.660 --> 01:13:19.300
You don't know anything about his life.

1297
01:13:19.880 --> 01:13:20.860
Don't measure.

1298
01:13:21.420 --> 01:13:23.080
The next person you're going to get to know more.

1299
01:13:24.000 --> 01:13:25.780
You're going to go out on a date with them.

1300
01:13:26.000 --> 01:13:29.920
So I'm saying within you, you've had a really good experience.

1301
01:13:30.100 --> 01:13:33.900
And so now when somebody offers you a lower experience,

1302
01:13:33.900 --> 01:13:36.780
you know what a really good experience is like.

1303
01:13:37.280 --> 01:13:38.260
OK, yeah.

1304
01:13:38.260 --> 01:13:40.480
But you're not measuring them because they

1305
01:13:40.480 --> 01:13:42.260
get to come as who they are.

1306
01:13:43.240 --> 01:13:45.860
Because measuring means, well, he was like this

1307
01:13:45.860 --> 01:13:47.040
and you're not like that.

1308
01:13:47.060 --> 01:13:48.340
I don't want that.

1309
01:13:48.840 --> 01:13:50.840
He is a really tough act to follow.

1310
01:13:51.160 --> 01:13:53.480
That young man is not a tough act to follow, Nikki,

1311
01:13:53.560 --> 01:13:54.940
because you didn't know him.

1312
01:13:56.280 --> 01:13:58.740
You were just getting to know him at work.

1313
01:13:58.880 --> 01:14:00.540
He could be living with a woman.

1314
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:02.740
If I just had to give you scenarios,

1315
01:14:02.900 --> 01:14:04.820
like you didn't even talk to him on the phone,

1316
01:14:04.820 --> 01:14:05.980
like there's so many things.

1317
01:14:06.000 --> 01:14:07.360
Like he could be a lot of things.

1318
01:14:07.480 --> 01:14:08.540
He could really be.

1319
01:14:08.580 --> 01:14:11.040
He could be at church at Bible study right now.

1320
01:14:11.040 --> 01:14:12.080
I'm just saying.

1321
01:14:13.220 --> 01:14:15.260
I just want to bring you to the reality

1322
01:14:15.260 --> 01:14:16.780
that you don't do that.

1323
01:14:16.780 --> 01:14:18.000
Don't measure it that way.

1324
01:14:18.100 --> 01:14:18.620
Just don't.

1325
01:14:19.020 --> 01:14:20.140
It's a trap.

1326
01:14:21.400 --> 01:14:24.240
Because only thing, you know, yeah, don't measure.

1327
01:14:24.300 --> 01:14:26.940
But within you, there's a standard

1328
01:14:27.300 --> 01:14:29.880
of what a good experience is like.

1329
01:14:30.160 --> 01:14:32.600
And your first one was a good encounter.

1330
01:14:34.160 --> 01:14:36.800
Now you're more comfortable talking to a person

1331
01:14:37.220 --> 01:14:40.180
and knowing that it's not so scary getting to know a person.

1332
01:14:40.300 --> 01:14:41.000
Does that make sense?

1333
01:14:41.380 --> 01:14:42.840
Yeah, no, that makes sense.

1334
01:14:43.020 --> 01:14:44.140
OK, OK.

1335
01:14:44.140 --> 01:14:46.100
Those are the things I'm saying pull out of it.

1336
01:14:46.100 --> 01:14:47.080
I think it's really good.

1337
01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:48.860
Some people's first experience is horrible.

1338
01:14:49.220 --> 01:14:50.060
You did really well.

1339
01:14:51.320 --> 01:14:52.120
Thank you.

1340
01:14:53.020 --> 01:14:53.520
You're welcome.

1341
01:14:54.460 --> 01:14:55.400
Thanks for sharing, Nikki.

1342
01:14:56.080 --> 01:14:59.220
Thank you, and thanks for your prayers and for your guidance.

1343
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.100
Oh, of course. Yes, I'm so excited for you. I think you're absolutely adorable. God is good and he's faithful to you.

1344
01:15:07.920 --> 01:15:09.640
Thank you. You're welcome.

1345
01:15:11.640 --> 01:15:18.960
Somebody up next went on a hot date Saturday night. Come on, Sharai, tell the people all about it.

1346
01:15:20.140 --> 01:15:21.420
Hi, everyone.

1347
01:15:25.240 --> 01:15:30.200
But did you just scared me just now when you was talking to Nikki about younger people?

1348
01:15:30.840 --> 01:15:36.420
Since since this guy is 10 years younger than me, I thought you were like, oh, no, what's happening?

1349
01:15:36.520 --> 01:15:42.800
But I see you can't compare everybody, every situation different.

1350
01:15:43.440 --> 01:15:49.360
And he was 25. And it's no I think it's nice that she pulled a young like that.

1351
01:15:49.360 --> 01:15:54.560
But you this look, don't compare. Tell me about the date.

1352
01:15:54.940 --> 01:16:01.580
Oh, OK. Well, we were supposed to go to this place called I compete.

1353
01:16:01.580 --> 01:16:06.540
Uh huh. But we but then we end up not going.

1354
01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:09.380
Well, it was my choice because he said it was up to me.

1355
01:16:09.580 --> 01:16:16.100
I decided we shouldn't go to I compete because he forgot that he had he he double booked himself.

1356
01:16:16.560 --> 01:16:22.880
OK, so he like he told his his mom and her husband, his stepfather.

1357
01:16:22.880 --> 01:16:30.600
It was his stepfather's birthday. And he told his mom that he was going that he would either go to breakfast with them

1358
01:16:30.600 --> 01:16:35.140
or he would go to dinner. His mom gave him two options and he missed breakfast.

1359
01:16:35.720 --> 01:16:45.100
So he had to go to. So he had to go to dinner. And so I was thinking it was going to be like an evening thing for us to go out.

1360
01:16:45.400 --> 01:16:53.220
And so that kind of changed our changed our plans because I told him I didn't want him to like those places are expensive.

1361
01:16:53.220 --> 01:17:01.240
And I just didn't feel right, like him spending money on that and then being there for an hour or something like that.

1362
01:17:01.340 --> 01:17:07.760
I just. So I was like, let's just meet up for appetizers and talk or whatever.

1363
01:17:07.860 --> 01:17:17.560
And so that's what we did. We met up at and at BJ's brew house and we had appetizers and drank water.

1364
01:17:18.740 --> 01:17:25.920
Mm hmm. And it was really nice. He was and he really to be honest with you,

1365
01:17:25.920 --> 01:17:31.320
like he opened my eyes to something that I didn't realize that I was doing was that.

1366
01:17:32.200 --> 01:17:39.300
So when I got out of my car, he was sitting in his truck and I didn't see him.

1367
01:17:39.300 --> 01:17:52.660
I was just heading toward the restaurant. And we were we were talking on the phone after our date a few days later.

1368
01:17:52.800 --> 01:17:56.540
And he goes, he goes, he was asking me, why didn't I?

1369
01:17:56.820 --> 01:18:02.300
Why did why didn't I think that he was asking me about me meeting other people?

1370
01:18:02.300 --> 01:18:09.000
And I told him that I have always been this kind of girl that didn't really, you know.

1371
01:18:09.380 --> 01:18:15.740
Get approached. And he told me, he goes, it's probably because when you walk, you have your head down.

1372
01:18:18.660 --> 01:18:26.580
And I was like, and he goes, because he goes, he goes, he goes, if I did it, if I hadn't called your name,

1373
01:18:26.580 --> 01:18:38.640
I don't think you would have even noticed me. And he's and I was like, and it really made me stop and think like he's like,

1374
01:18:38.640 --> 01:18:43.420
I think you he said, I think you missed a lot of opportunities because you walk like you.

1375
01:18:43.600 --> 01:18:50.600
He says you have an aura like you don't want to be spoken to. And it's because of the way your your body posture is.

1376
01:18:51.520 --> 01:18:59.380
And I was like, wow, it was like, it really made me think about how I walk through like ever since then.

1377
01:18:59.380 --> 01:19:09.440
Now, like when I get out of my car and I'm walking, I try to like lift my head up because I didn't realize that I was putting off that energy because of the way I was like.

1378
01:19:11.440 --> 01:19:17.640
Where I was walking anyway, so that was a learning experience all in itself.

1379
01:19:20.620 --> 01:19:26.720
Anyways, so like you learn a lot of like if you you you learn a lot.

1380
01:19:26.840 --> 01:19:34.220
I, I feel like I've learned a lot from him already just because of that conversation anyway.

1381
01:19:37.400 --> 01:19:45.340
So it's I'm just kind of like I'm just really like trying to I'm trying not to be too excited.

1382
01:19:46.180 --> 01:19:54.740
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Enjoy it. Yeah. Enjoy the experience. And you'll be really proud of me.

1383
01:19:55.500 --> 01:19:59.280
Because I said, because, because I set a boundary.

1384
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:08.720
oh um he he we were talking and he was talking and he said you should just like you know it like um

1385
01:20:09.880 --> 01:20:16.720
since you're not tired you should just invite me over no and i didn't and i didn't respond at the

1386
01:20:17.120 --> 01:20:23.940
time but this morning i got up and i and ladies i just want to let you guys know chat gpt if you

1387
01:20:23.940 --> 01:20:31.100
have a question about how to respond i respond to somebody type in the question and chat gpt

1388
01:20:31.100 --> 01:20:43.240
help me write a text back it did anyways i i so i said to him i said we have been only on been on

1389
01:20:43.240 --> 01:20:52.500
only one date and at this point um i i am excited and i and i and i am excited to get to know you

1390
01:20:52.500 --> 01:21:00.020
but i think for a while we should keep our our meetings out in public and he

1391
01:21:02.220 --> 01:21:09.080
he accepted that boundary and he said okay i'm okay with that look at you

1392
01:21:10.480 --> 01:21:17.640
i'm happy for you do you feel so powerful that did make me feel powerful that i was

1393
01:21:17.640 --> 01:21:24.140
that because normally that would make me feel like oh scary he's gonna he's gonna run away

1394
01:21:26.560 --> 01:21:33.360
yeah yeah but he didn't run away uh-huh look at you

1395
01:21:35.240 --> 01:21:42.520
that was really good that was good i'm excited for you it's nothing like that that um

1396
01:21:42.780 --> 01:21:48.500
how powerful you feel when you set boundaries for your life and you tell people who you are

1397
01:21:48.500 --> 01:21:55.140
you actually announce to the world who you are by the boundaries you set in your life

1398
01:21:56.600 --> 01:22:02.260
that's what you do you're announcing who you are you're telling them something about your identity

1399
01:22:03.960 --> 01:22:11.900
and it is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do i admire it way to go shirai

1400
01:22:11.900 --> 01:22:20.140
there's so much more of that to come so i i do think i have made a few mistakes like i think

1401
01:22:20.140 --> 01:22:29.220
maybe we have talked about um because there's there is so much familiarity between us and so

1402
01:22:29.220 --> 01:22:36.380
i think i i think we've talked about things maybe we shouldn't have but i don't know

1403
01:22:37.200 --> 01:22:45.420
oh yeah no well that's that's an easy thing to do it's easy to over talk and so what you do is

1404
01:22:45.420 --> 01:22:51.900
you realize that it has bred a form of familiarity but it's it's it's fake because i don't care how

1405
01:22:51.900 --> 01:22:56.640
much you talked about he doesn't know you you don't know him really you may know things and

1406
01:22:56.640 --> 01:23:02.380
facts but you don't know each other so you just remind yourself i don't know him i may know his

1407
01:23:02.590 --> 01:23:06.630
mama name his daddy name where he grew up and what happened when he was a little boy but i don't know

1408
01:23:08.570 --> 01:23:13.850
and if you remind yourself of that no matter what you share with him it's gonna ground you

1409
01:23:13.910 --> 01:23:20.770
and what you want to be is grounded and so when you keep telling yourself the truth i know it

1410
01:23:20.770 --> 01:23:25.930
feels like i know him but i can't know him i haven't even been around that long i've been

1411
01:23:25.930 --> 01:23:30.090
knowing my cousin pookie for 15 years and i ain't expect him to do some of the stuff he did

1412
01:23:30.090 --> 01:23:36.150
i don't know him you know like you take real things get to the nut and bolts of a thing you

1413
01:23:36.150 --> 01:23:43.650
gotta look at the bare bones of a thing and apply wisdom and what you know to be truth

1414
01:23:44.650 --> 01:23:49.830
and be like uh it's just really not possible to know somebody in a week i know i feel like it but

1415
01:23:50.710 --> 01:23:58.090
it's not and so i just i don't want you to feel like you made a mistake i want you to just see

1416
01:23:58.090 --> 01:24:03.690
like it is like oh yeah we talked about a lot and that's just what it is you talked about a lot but

1417
01:24:03.710 --> 01:24:08.990
you can talk about less you could back you could stop it you can say i know we've covered a lot

1418
01:24:08.990 --> 01:24:15.170
and seems like we've bred a sense of familiarity but i realize we don't even know each other so

1419
01:24:15.250 --> 01:24:20.210
let's play this really fun game or let's talk let's tell me if you could what would you do

1420
01:24:20.210 --> 01:24:23.710
you know i'm saying don't head into the deep don't get on the phone and say let me tell you what

1421
01:24:23.710 --> 01:24:27.670
happened at work today and then i'm not saying you do this but i'm giving you an example because

1422
01:24:27.670 --> 01:24:31.410
you bred familiarity and you think you get on the phone with your best friend or now you're just

1423
01:24:31.410 --> 01:24:36.550
catching up and you're on the phone with you know your guy and so then this and so then it just don't

1424
01:24:36.550 --> 01:24:44.210
do that anymore if you were talking if you were texting all day while you're at work stop if you

1425
01:24:44.210 --> 01:24:49.110
were talking all the time i'm not saying you do it i'm no i learned that boundary from you when you

1426
01:24:49.110 --> 01:24:59.650
and so now i say to a guy at my album my work hours for 7 32 and i am not available

1427
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.000
Those hours. That's right.

1428
01:25:04.080 --> 01:25:11.360
I am with children and teaching. That's right, because when you walk away from that experience, you won't have to

1429
01:25:12.140 --> 01:25:16.280
get yourself back used to not picking up your phone and texting somebody while you're at work.

1430
01:25:16.540 --> 01:25:20.420
Or waiting for their text to come through because you know they're gonna text, right?

1431
01:25:20.420 --> 01:25:23.340
It just saves you from a lot of unnecessary stuff.

1432
01:25:23.840 --> 01:25:27.400
No matter who the person is, you can feel like that person is the one for you.

1433
01:25:27.400 --> 01:25:35.320
But if you have to walk away, it's gonna sting. It's gonna be really hard to, you got so many areas you got to disconnect from, and we don't count that up.

1434
01:25:35.480 --> 01:25:40.480
We think, oh, I'll not just get over this, but you integrated them in so much of your life.

1435
01:25:41.260 --> 01:25:45.080
And then you're not taking time to actually pick it back out.

1436
01:25:45.340 --> 01:25:46.040
Pick it back out.

1437
01:25:46.140 --> 01:25:50.300
And so you can't, you can't come up with why is it so challenging for you?

1438
01:25:50.400 --> 01:25:52.300
That's good, Sharron. I'm happy for you.

1439
01:25:53.620 --> 01:25:56.760
And that was a really good point he gave you about dropping your head.

1440
01:25:56.760 --> 01:26:00.140
It is something that I practice every time I walk in front of someone.

1441
01:26:00.740 --> 01:26:04.520
I lift my head up and I have to tell myself, your head is dropped.

1442
01:26:04.720 --> 01:26:05.240
Pick it up.

1443
01:26:05.820 --> 01:26:06.920
Pick your head up.

1444
01:26:07.160 --> 01:26:08.060
Pick your head up.

1445
01:26:08.280 --> 01:26:11.740
Pick your, like I literally still rehearse that and I've been rehearsing that for years.

1446
01:26:12.640 --> 01:26:13.420
And so.

1447
01:26:15.240 --> 01:26:19.300
It's just funny to see how people see you.

1448
01:26:19.620 --> 01:26:20.000
Yeah.

1449
01:26:20.820 --> 01:26:24.260
When they're just, yeah, so that was interesting to me.

1450
01:26:24.940 --> 01:26:26.380
Yeah, I'm excited.

1451
01:26:26.380 --> 01:26:27.400
Woo-hoo.

1452
01:26:28.660 --> 01:26:29.140
Got a lot.

1453
01:26:30.340 --> 01:26:31.020
You're welcome.

1454
01:26:32.400 --> 01:26:32.400


1455
01:26:33.140 --> 01:26:33.280
Laura.

1456
01:26:35.540 --> 01:26:35.540


1457
01:26:35.540 --> 01:26:36.180
Natural Laurie.

1458
01:26:37.740 --> 01:26:37.740


1459
01:26:41.460 --> 01:26:42.160
That's right.

1460
01:26:42.300 --> 01:26:42.940
You need your head up.

1461
01:26:43.260 --> 01:26:43.400
Okay.

1462
01:26:43.560 --> 01:26:44.140
L-A-U.

1463
01:26:45.060 --> 01:26:45.540
Yeah.

1464
01:26:47.020 --> 01:26:47.700
Hello.

1465
01:26:48.160 --> 01:26:48.620
Hey.

1466
01:26:49.900 --> 01:26:56.100
Last week, I was on the morning session with Carla and I didn't get a chance to

1467
01:26:57.860 --> 01:27:01.100
let you know what I discussed in the app.

1468
01:27:02.380 --> 01:27:08.880
So anyhow, so a week ago Sunday, I went to some friends church that we used to

1469
01:27:08.880 --> 01:27:15.540
go with go to church with and because I was texting with them that evening

1470
01:27:15.540 --> 01:27:19.460
before I went to Austin and I had

1471
01:27:21.520 --> 01:27:22.560
Asked them.

1472
01:27:22.680 --> 01:27:26.120
It's a husband and wife couple and if they knew of anyone that like

1473
01:27:26.380 --> 01:27:29.300
they would recommend that I meet and initially the husband he responded

1474
01:27:29.300 --> 01:27:31.280
back and he's like, oh, I don't think so.

1475
01:27:31.460 --> 01:27:33.180
But then like literally like within two minutes.

1476
01:27:33.820 --> 01:27:37.940
He he texted me back and he's like, oh, yeah, actually there's this guy

1477
01:27:37.940 --> 01:27:39.660
who's like in his 50s.

1478
01:27:39.680 --> 01:27:40.500
His name is David.

1479
01:27:40.720 --> 01:27:44.120
He goes to their church and he's never been married.

1480
01:27:44.120 --> 01:27:46.780
So I was like, okay, so

1481
01:27:49.320 --> 01:27:56.220
So the Sunday after I got back from Austin, I went to their church and it

1482
01:27:56.220 --> 01:28:00.280
takes me like an hour to drive there or whatever, but I was like, I'm

1483
01:28:00.280 --> 01:28:03.180
going to do this and my son who's 20.

1484
01:28:03.400 --> 01:28:04.260
He was literally shocked.

1485
01:28:04.380 --> 01:28:07.680
He's like what mom you didn't see his photo before you went and I was

1486
01:28:07.680 --> 01:28:12.040
like, no, I don't want to like have preconceived ideas and just like

1487
01:28:12.040 --> 01:28:15.000
dismiss him if I didn't like think he was attractive or something.

1488
01:28:16.480 --> 01:28:21.720
So so I went and when I first got there, my friend wasn't there but his

1489
01:28:21.720 --> 01:28:24.480
daughter and her family they came like shortly after I got there and

1490
01:28:24.480 --> 01:28:28.480
then I had been there for a little while and my friend like in his wife

1491
01:28:28.480 --> 01:28:32.320
they showed up and so in between like Bible class and worship.

1492
01:28:32.440 --> 01:28:33.740
I met this guy David.

1493
01:28:33.780 --> 01:28:38.460
I mean, he's a nice guy or whatever, but he was literally sitting behind

1494
01:28:38.460 --> 01:28:45.440
me him and his mom during worship and I like smelled this weird odor and

1495
01:28:45.440 --> 01:28:51.580
I was like, no, that's not good or whatever and I did confirm it.

1496
01:28:51.580 --> 01:28:52.560
I mean it is him.

1497
01:28:52.560 --> 01:28:55.260
It's like it's an odor that somebody gives off like if they don't like

1498
01:28:55.860 --> 01:28:59.980
bathe as often as they need to whatever like his body odor or whatever.

1499
01:29:00.020 --> 01:29:06.800
It doesn't like use deodorant or enough or I don't know and so I was like

1500
01:29:08.200 --> 01:29:12.320
so I am I was like, well, I'm glad that I met him in person because like

1501
01:29:12.320 --> 01:29:18.120
if I was just online, I would have no idea and and then it was super

1502
01:29:18.120 --> 01:29:21.920
weird because like I was leaving so like I had like an hour to drive

1503
01:29:21.920 --> 01:29:25.040
home and so like I went to the ladies bathroom before I like went out

1504
01:29:25.040 --> 01:29:28.800
of the parking lot to my car and as I was coming out of like the bathroom,

1505
01:29:29.240 --> 01:29:32.280
he was there and he's like, oh, it was nice to meet you.

1506
01:29:32.300 --> 01:29:33.800
And I was like, yeah, it's nice to meet you too.

1507
01:29:34.460 --> 01:29:37.180
And as I was walking away, it was so weird.

1508
01:29:37.220 --> 01:29:40.380
I was like, he was literally like starting to go into the ladies

1509
01:29:42.140 --> 01:29:43.740
bathroom so confused.

1510
01:29:43.760 --> 01:29:47.840
I was like, okay, this guy's been going to this church for a while.

1511
01:29:48.100 --> 01:29:51.120
I'm like, is it because like he just like said something to me and he

1512
01:29:51.120 --> 01:29:53.220
was like kind of off kilter or something.

1513
01:29:55.740 --> 01:29:56.780
I mean, I didn't say anything.

1514
01:29:56.780 --> 01:29:59.980
I just like went on my way and I'm sure he like stopped and said

1515
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.960
Alfred. It was just, it was just kind of funny or whatever. I

1516
01:30:03.960 --> 01:30:08.880
was just, um, yeah. Um, but then moving on to like, um,

1517
01:30:10.920 --> 01:30:18.420
another thing. So I yeah, um, so I was supposed to go to like

1518
01:30:18.420 --> 01:30:26.140
two meetup events last week. And I didn't end up going. I, I

1519
01:30:26.140 --> 01:30:29.940
just live, it's me and my 20 year old son. And I like have

1520
01:30:29.940 --> 01:30:32.200
just gotten so lazy because I don't like to have to cook for

1521
01:30:32.180 --> 01:30:35.760
myself. And my son like has his own schedule or whatever. And so

1522
01:30:35.760 --> 01:30:40.240
like, I didn't, I just wasn't like, I just gotten lazy. And

1523
01:30:40.240 --> 01:30:42.820
like, I'll get busy doing stuff. And I'm like, be all like, well,

1524
01:30:42.820 --> 01:30:45.340
I'm gonna eat later or whatever. And so like, I just didn't

1525
01:30:45.340 --> 01:30:48.320
really eat like when I needed to last weekend. And so like, I

1526
01:30:48.320 --> 01:30:50.440
didn't end up going to like these two events. So when I was

1527
01:30:50.440 --> 01:30:52.480
talking to my therapist today, she was like, can I give me a

1528
01:30:52.480 --> 01:30:54.980
hard time? She was like, she's like, what? Because when I was

1529
01:30:55.120 --> 01:30:58.940
talking to her last week, about it, and I was like, really

1530
01:30:58.940 --> 01:31:02.600
planning on going to these two things or whatever. And she's

1531
01:31:03.460 --> 01:31:07.420
like, baby, you need to like plan the future or whatever.

1532
01:31:08.540 --> 01:31:12.680
Which I'm working on that or whatever. And having like a

1533
01:31:12.680 --> 01:31:18.120
better like, meal routine or whatever. But then also, today,

1534
01:31:18.120 --> 01:31:23.560
I was listening to Jackie's video on the divine feminine and

1535
01:31:23.560 --> 01:31:27.660
some things really like, kind of like, hit me over the head.

1536
01:31:28.300 --> 01:31:30.680
Because I've been divorced for like seven and a half years, and

1537
01:31:30.680 --> 01:31:35.100
I'm super independent. And I even like growing up, I was the

1538
01:31:35.100 --> 01:31:37.380
only child and my parents divorced when I was six. And so

1539
01:31:37.380 --> 01:31:40.640
like, I was super independent, like growing up. And then even

1540
01:31:40.900 --> 01:31:44.960
for like, almost most of my marriage, which was almost like

1541
01:31:44.960 --> 01:31:52.400
24 years. Like he wasn't that involved with like, raising the

1542
01:31:52.520 --> 01:31:56.060
kids when they were younger, it was pretty much like, I was a

1543
01:31:56.060 --> 01:31:58.540
stay at home mom, and he worked outside the home. And, and that

1544
01:31:58.540 --> 01:32:01.720
was the thing. And he was also from Italy. And I know it's like

1545
01:32:01.720 --> 01:32:04.740
a cultural thing that like, the women raise the kids and

1546
01:32:04.660 --> 01:32:09.600
whatever. But then like, over the years, like he wasn't, even

1547
01:32:09.600 --> 01:32:13.160
when he was home, he wasn't like present. And so like, I just

1548
01:32:14.260 --> 01:32:18.400
learned to like, just do things like, on my own. So when Jackie

1549
01:32:18.400 --> 01:32:24.240
was talking today about just, like being super independent, or

1550
01:32:24.240 --> 01:32:28.180
like more in your like, masculine, which I probably am.

1551
01:32:29.240 --> 01:32:31.580
Which I mean, I do ask like, because she was talking about

1552
01:32:31.580 --> 01:32:34.340
like, asking people for like, help sometimes. And, and

1553
01:32:34.340 --> 01:32:36.600
sometimes that's a struggle for me. Because sometimes like, I'm

1554
01:32:36.600 --> 01:32:39.620
just like, I don't really need help. I can just do it on my

1555
01:32:39.900 --> 01:32:43.360
own. But, but sometimes like, because even like tomorrow, I'm

1556
01:32:43.360 --> 01:32:47.560
flying to go visit my daughter in Orlando. And I have asked her

1557
01:32:47.560 --> 01:32:50.680
like, if people offer to like help, like put my like, my

1558
01:32:50.680 --> 01:32:53.840
suitcase, like above in like the bin above, like I will like let

1559
01:32:53.840 --> 01:32:57.480
them but my whole thing is I don't like to like, to burden

1560
01:32:57.500 --> 01:33:01.640
somebody. So yeah, so that's like kind of like a work in

1561
01:33:01.640 --> 01:33:03.100
progress too. So yeah.

1562
01:33:04.020 --> 01:33:05.040
It takes time.

1563
01:33:05.760 --> 01:33:07.800
Yeah. Yeah.

1564
01:33:08.940 --> 01:33:12.940
Okay. Well, thanks for the update. I'm sorry that you

1565
01:33:12.940 --> 01:33:15.680
didn't did the gap. Did y'all exchange the numbers or y'all

1566
01:33:15.680 --> 01:33:17.280
just met at the church? And that was it?

1567
01:33:18.180 --> 01:33:22.360
No, we just met at the church. And yeah, my friend, he texted

1568
01:33:24.200 --> 01:33:29.440
me a couple days later and just asked me like, how things went

1569
01:33:29.440 --> 01:33:32.100
or whatever. And I just told him I'm like, well, David, he's a

1570
01:33:32.100 --> 01:33:35.680
nice guy or whatever. And I just said that I wasn't interested or

1571
01:33:35.380 --> 01:33:38.980
whatever. I didn't know like a polite way to say that somebody

1572
01:33:38.980 --> 01:33:42.520
needs to like approach him about like his like, bodily hygiene

1573
01:33:42.520 --> 01:33:46.400
thing or whatever. Because yeah, I'm like the preacher at my

1574
01:33:46.400 --> 01:33:49.240
church about it. And even he said to he's like, well, that

1575
01:33:49.240 --> 01:33:52.380
could be like a reason why he's still single, which I mean, I'm

1576
01:33:52.380 --> 01:33:54.080
sure it probably has something to do with it. So

1577
01:33:54.940 --> 01:33:59.260
yeah, I think what you say was this, you know? Yeah, that was

1578
01:33:59.300 --> 01:34:02.020
good. I was like, it's not really my place to like,

1579
01:34:04.140 --> 01:34:09.080
tell them to go back. Yeah. I know. Now that was good. Thanks

1580
01:34:09.080 --> 01:34:14.220
for sharing. Oh, sure. Okay. Felicia.

1581
01:34:17.160 --> 01:34:20.640
Hi, hi, beautiful Ebony. Thank you so much for all you guys.

1582
01:34:22.560 --> 01:34:27.840
Yeah. So I'm just gonna share the hope of just continuing this,

1583
01:34:28.420 --> 01:34:31.780
whoever wants to or decide to whatever they want. And I just

1584
01:34:31.780 --> 01:34:36.980
continue in hope. Like Ebony shared that, you know, marriage

1585
01:34:36.980 --> 01:34:40.980
is not the end goal, in the sense of, you know, a desire for

1586
01:34:40.800 --> 01:34:45.080
it. But I just always think that, you know, my relationship

1587
01:34:45.080 --> 01:34:48.100
always says that it's going to be an example to the body of

1588
01:34:48.100 --> 01:34:52.380
Christ, and to those around me that so many around me looking

1589
01:34:52.640 --> 01:34:56.300
to see it work for me and encouraging me that it is and,

1590
01:34:56.800 --> 01:34:59.840
you know, when I gave them the hope story, even the ones that

1591
01:34:59.840 --> 01:34:59.980
never

1592
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.200
the workout, they just keep giving me, sending me all the

1593
01:35:05.200 --> 01:35:09.640
texts, girl, I don't know how you do it. But because of you, I

1594
01:35:09.640 --> 01:35:12.920
am hopeful. So sometimes we're not just doing it for ourselves.

1595
01:35:12.940 --> 01:35:16.280
We kind of take our eyes off of it. That is not just for us. But

1596
01:35:16.280 --> 01:35:20.800
it's for others who want to see us stand in that faith. You

1597
01:35:20.800 --> 01:35:28.860
know, it's, it's amazing. So with Brian, we just been, you

1598
01:35:28.860 --> 01:35:31.860
know, we've been, we walk on Monday, like I put in the chat

1599
01:35:32.360 --> 01:35:35.600
and we workout at the gym today. He never goes to the gym. He

1600
01:35:35.600 --> 01:35:38.720
likes to walk, but he decided to join me there today. And it was

1601
01:35:38.960 --> 01:35:45.480
so nice. Someone to take up my weights for me. That was so

1602
01:35:45.780 --> 01:35:51.560
nice to know that. I mean, he's six five. And I always like, Oh

1603
01:35:51.560 --> 01:35:55.120
my god, I would like to meet someone tall. I've never get

1604
01:35:55.120 --> 01:35:58.480
that opportunity to do. So I was leaving the, I was leaving.

1605
01:35:58.680 --> 01:36:01.840
So I said to him, I said, you know, I'm just kind of

1606
01:36:01.920 --> 01:36:04.660
straightforward. Like, I don't care who they are. It's gonna

1607
01:36:04.660 --> 01:36:08.860
work or not. I'm just, I show my best self. So he was over me.

1608
01:36:08.940 --> 01:36:13.440
And I don't touch doors, ladies. I don't touch doors. I just

1609
01:36:13.440 --> 01:36:16.420
always look around to see who's coming behind me. And if it's a

1610
01:36:16.420 --> 01:36:19.240
man, I just kind of back up. My daughter took a video of me. I

1611
01:36:19.240 --> 01:36:24.500
said, Mom, you don't know how to open a door. She literally did.

1612
01:36:24.500 --> 01:36:27.900
I backed up and just stepped back for the door to be open. So

1613
01:36:27.900 --> 01:36:31.720
he was over me. And I know before that I said, so well, I

1614
01:36:31.720 --> 01:36:34.400
know you're just doing an hour. Normally I do more than that. So

1615
01:36:34.400 --> 01:36:39.060
I'm gonna, how would it look if, if I stay back for a little bit

1616
01:36:39.060 --> 01:36:42.360
to do my therapy part of it and you leave, but he has an

1617
01:36:42.360 --> 01:36:45.660
appointment. And he said, well, that's okay. You can just walk

1618
01:36:45.660 --> 01:36:49.720
me to the door. And that'd be fine. I said, okay. So I walk

1619
01:36:49.720 --> 01:36:52.740
into the door and he was standing over me. And just as

1620
01:36:52.820 --> 01:36:56.200
soon as I started the door, my hand was about to touch the

1621
01:36:56.200 --> 01:36:58.880
door, which I don't, but I was just putting up my hand. I just

1622
01:36:58.880 --> 01:37:02.340
feel that push, like a wind just opened the door. So he was the

1623
01:37:02.340 --> 01:37:05.560
one behind me because he's so tall. He just opened the door

1624
01:37:05.560 --> 01:37:09.940
and I'm like, what a freedom to just have someone do that for

1625
01:37:10.000 --> 01:37:14.740
you. You know, it's just a little thing. It's just so

1626
01:37:14.740 --> 01:37:17.760
beautiful. And that's what you said, have fun with it. You

1627
01:37:18.300 --> 01:37:21.820
know let me tell you when he walked with me, he's just

1628
01:37:21.820 --> 01:37:24.980
looking around, am I going to slip? Are the geese going to

1629
01:37:24.980 --> 01:37:28.640
get me? I'm like, man. And I said to him, I said, you're so

1630
01:37:28.720 --> 01:37:32.240
present. And he said, that's why he, they asked him to be the,

1631
01:37:32.460 --> 01:37:36.480
do the security in the church, because he's very aware. Let me

1632
01:37:36.480 --> 01:37:39.140
tell you the moment I look like I'm about to get something, he's

1633
01:37:39.140 --> 01:37:43.560
there helping me like, yes, that's what I'm looking for.

1634
01:37:43.940 --> 01:37:47.200
Laying all that independence down. And I'm looking for that.

1635
01:37:47.200 --> 01:37:50.380
I'm telling you ladies, God is so faithful. I don't know if

1636
01:37:50.380 --> 01:37:54.880
it's him, but let me tell you out of this small few days, it

1637
01:37:54.880 --> 01:37:58.600
shows up that it's possible. It is quite possible for us to

1638
01:37:58.600 --> 01:38:02.660
wait and to know it's there. God is faithful and he's writing

1639
01:38:02.660 --> 01:38:07.560
the story, not the way we want it, but he's doing it. He's so

1640
01:38:07.500 --> 01:38:12.500
amazing. So we're going to go on another date on Saturday and he

1641
01:38:12.500 --> 01:38:15.580
planned it out so beautifully. I don't have the strength for

1642
01:38:15.580 --> 01:38:18.700
that. So thank God he knows how to do that. The timing and what

1643
01:38:18.700 --> 01:38:21.780
we're going to do, and we're going to see that movie, Serious

1644
01:38:21.780 --> 01:38:24.320
Oil, and then we're going to have dinner. And then he said,

1645
01:38:24.340 --> 01:38:27.780
maybe he can put something else in. So, and I don't go to early

1646
01:38:27.840 --> 01:38:30.680
movies and I don't ever do movies ladies, but when I'm going

1647
01:38:30.680 --> 01:38:33.780
to do this, because guess what? I'm a change girl, a heel girl

1648
01:38:33.960 --> 01:38:36.480
looking to have fun. So we're going to go midday, like

1649
01:38:37.260 --> 01:38:41.700
lunchtime. And that's going to be nice. So that's what I have

1650
01:38:41.700 --> 01:38:45.960
to say to see how it goes. Good, good thing he's close by. So,

1651
01:38:45.960 --> 01:38:49.500
how I was believing for that, goodness Lord, I'm in

1652
01:38:49.500 --> 01:38:52.860
Pennsylvania. I'm in Maryland. I'm in Baltimore. I go back to

1653
01:38:52.860 --> 01:38:57.120
North Carolina. I'm like all over the state, but he was like

1654
01:38:57.120 --> 01:39:00.740
right there, right there, 10 minutes away. So let's see how

1655
01:39:00.740 --> 01:39:03.240
it goes and I'll give you updates and just encouraging

1656
01:39:03.240 --> 01:39:07.220
each of us that we all go through that. We don't want to

1657
01:39:07.220 --> 01:39:09.200
do it, but I don't, like you said, Ebony, I don't take it as

1658
01:39:09.200 --> 01:39:12.920
a job. I go on in the freedom, the freedom, just I use the

1659
01:39:13.080 --> 01:39:17.480
freedom and just go on it when, because I wasn't even intentional

1660
01:39:17.480 --> 01:39:22.820
at this last few months. I was not. I just, you know, kind of

1661
01:39:22.820 --> 01:39:26.500
just wait till someone say hi and see where it goes and just

1662
01:39:26.500 --> 01:39:30.420
tell the Lord to just write the story, you know. So that's what

1663
01:39:30.420 --> 01:39:32.740
I'm doing. So thank you so much, Ebony. If it hasn't been for

1664
01:39:32.740 --> 01:39:36.600
you, I would never be on the app and getting these stories.

1665
01:39:37.060 --> 01:39:39.560
Thank you. That's so exciting, Felicia, and I'm glad you're

1666
01:39:39.560 --> 01:39:42.520
dating someone close because that long distance stuff for

1667
01:39:42.520 --> 01:39:47.740
the birds. Yeah, they're for the birds. Boy, they don't work

1668
01:39:47.740 --> 01:39:51.240
on at all. And such a gentleman. He's such a gentleman.

1669
01:39:51.440 --> 01:39:55.020
When I tell you kind and such a gentleman, I can see something

1670
01:39:55.020 --> 01:39:59.180
in him that he's a man who just has that principle and, you

1671
01:39:59.180 --> 01:39:59.980
know, and just

1672
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.880
just enjoy that moment, wherever it goes,

1673
01:40:01.960 --> 01:40:03.140
if that's what I get out of it,

1674
01:40:03.140 --> 01:40:06.940
I can see that it's possible that there's a man out there

1675
01:40:06.940 --> 01:40:08.640
and he loves the Lord.

1676
01:40:08.940 --> 01:40:10.540
I don't even have to highlight anything.

1677
01:40:10.740 --> 01:40:14.600
He talks so subtle about it, but you can see that,

1678
01:40:14.680 --> 01:40:17.660
because he's one of them who was affected by the shutdown

1679
01:40:17.660 --> 01:40:19.880
when he worked for the government for over 27 years.

1680
01:40:20.220 --> 01:40:21.240
And I asked him, I said,

1681
01:40:21.360 --> 01:40:23.580
how do you walk through this in this time?

1682
01:40:23.600 --> 01:40:24.560
And he said, his faith.

1683
01:40:25.800 --> 01:40:27.800
So, you can see those fruits.

1684
01:40:27.800 --> 01:40:28.780
So, yeah.

1685
01:40:29.080 --> 01:40:29.820
Thank you so much.

1686
01:40:30.620 --> 01:40:30.840
Yeah.

1687
01:40:31.580 --> 01:40:32.320
That's great.

1688
01:40:32.320 --> 01:40:33.460
Thank you for the update.

1689
01:40:33.700 --> 01:40:34.360
That's awesome.

1690
01:40:34.780 --> 01:40:35.460
Thank you.

1691
01:40:36.660 --> 01:40:37.940
Hey, you're welcome.

1692
01:40:39.180 --> 01:40:39.280
Gail.

1693
01:40:40.000 --> 01:40:40.640
Hi.

1694
01:40:41.240 --> 01:40:41.820
Hey.

1695
01:40:42.840 --> 01:40:47.300
Okay, so I'm not even a week in,

1696
01:40:47.420 --> 01:40:51.100
well, I'm a week today into this phase.

1697
01:40:51.560 --> 01:40:52.200
Welcome.

1698
01:40:52.780 --> 01:40:55.460
So, I said, okay, this challenge thing.

1699
01:40:55.460 --> 01:40:58.620
So, I, of course, just came out of HeartWorks.

1700
01:40:59.100 --> 01:41:03.620
I think I abused my long standing in there

1701
01:41:03.620 --> 01:41:06.680
because I was hesitant about moving over.

1702
01:41:06.820 --> 01:41:11.060
I think I signed up for HeartWork in January or something.

1703
01:41:11.200 --> 01:41:12.760
I went through it twice.

1704
01:41:13.720 --> 01:41:18.920
So, Jackie and the next day was Bethany said, out.

1705
01:41:19.820 --> 01:41:22.380
You get your move, Gail.

1706
01:41:22.500 --> 01:41:23.500
So, here I am.

1707
01:41:23.500 --> 01:41:30.440
So, I did, they blocked me from the Monday group check-in.

1708
01:41:33.140 --> 01:41:37.040
So, yeah, anyways, I needed to.

1709
01:41:37.300 --> 01:41:38.260
I'm glad they pushed me.

1710
01:41:39.260 --> 01:41:46.400
I signed up for Facebook dating and I spoke this afternoon.

1711
01:41:46.400 --> 01:41:52.720
And I'm inundated, like 15 likes

1712
01:41:52.720 --> 01:41:57.360
and maybe I save seven of them, match with them.

1713
01:41:57.480 --> 01:42:01.540
But I'm currently trying to keep up conversation

1714
01:42:01.540 --> 01:42:06.080
with 27 men and I actually,

1715
01:42:06.700 --> 01:42:08.660
and I'm going to be posting a profile

1716
01:42:08.900 --> 01:42:10.880
and getting critiqued on it.

1717
01:42:10.980 --> 01:42:12.000
That's what was suggested

1718
01:42:12.000 --> 01:42:18.840
because I actually did that before I actually listened

1719
01:42:18.840 --> 01:42:25.800
to the video on Dating 101, but I put it right out there.

1720
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:28.680
I was a Christian woman living by Christian values

1721
01:42:31.860 --> 01:42:35.520
and just a very small brief bio myself.

1722
01:42:36.600 --> 01:42:41.840
But I started to getting a lot of like,

1723
01:42:42.720 --> 01:42:46.320
I don't know, why are we supposed to be open

1724
01:42:46.320 --> 01:42:47.380
to non-Christians?

1725
01:42:47.460 --> 01:42:48.500
I guess that's my question.

1726
01:42:48.560 --> 01:42:50.860
I got the idea when I did listen to it

1727
01:42:50.920 --> 01:42:58.080
that you shouldn't really make a bold statement

1728
01:42:58.080 --> 01:43:00.300
about your Christianity and your profile,

1729
01:43:00.340 --> 01:43:01.700
I guess is the best way I can say.

1730
01:43:01.880 --> 01:43:07.620
And that you should, but I will not have any,

1731
01:43:07.980 --> 01:43:10.920
I will not have a serious relationship with a non-Christian.

1732
01:43:10.920 --> 01:43:14.720
So I don't know, did I misunderstand something on that?

1733
01:43:15.100 --> 01:43:16.980
Yeah, I don't think you've misunderstood it.

1734
01:43:16.980 --> 01:43:18.260
Let me bring some clarity.

1735
01:43:18.980 --> 01:43:22.500
And so in the video, she probably was making mention

1736
01:43:22.500 --> 01:43:26.180
that a lot of times when we are on dating profiles,

1737
01:43:26.720 --> 01:43:28.920
sometimes men don't post that they're Christians

1738
01:43:28.920 --> 01:43:31.760
even though they are, so they may not have anything there.

1739
01:43:31.840 --> 01:43:34.080
So when you're looking, if it doesn't say Christian,

1740
01:43:34.200 --> 01:43:35.460
you're like, well, they don't say Christian.

1741
01:43:35.600 --> 01:43:37.000
I'm not going to give them a chance,

1742
01:43:37.000 --> 01:43:39.480
but you read his bio and you think he's interesting.

1743
01:43:39.480 --> 01:43:42.760
Then in that case, you could like them back.

1744
01:43:43.000 --> 01:43:43.920
And when you talk to them,

1745
01:43:43.980 --> 01:43:45.860
you're going to know if they're a believer or not.

1746
01:43:46.100 --> 01:43:48.520
But would you click on somebody who's Buddhist or atheist?

1747
01:43:48.680 --> 01:43:51.420
Of course not, you wouldn't do that, right?

1748
01:43:51.640 --> 01:43:55.260
So that's what that is speaking to.

1749
01:43:56.140 --> 01:44:02.980
And then the other thing is, let me give you an example.

1750
01:44:03.480 --> 01:44:05.080
Okay, so somebody in our community,

1751
01:44:05.200 --> 01:44:08.520
when they did their profile, they let me saw it.

1752
01:44:08.520 --> 01:44:10.660
And of course they did it with a more Christian one,

1753
01:44:10.680 --> 01:44:13.500
but everything they talked about was Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,

1754
01:44:13.600 --> 01:44:16.340
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, and Jesus, and Jesus, and Jesus.

1755
01:44:16.520 --> 01:44:19.080
And I was like, hey, you got too much Jesus in here.

1756
01:44:19.160 --> 01:44:21.980
She was saying, nobody will talk to me, literally.

1757
01:44:22.200 --> 01:44:25.240
She had been on there weeks and she didn't get a hit.

1758
01:44:25.280 --> 01:44:28.580
And her profile also talked about what somebody had to be

1759
01:44:28.580 --> 01:44:29.660
and they needed to be in.

1760
01:44:30.060 --> 01:44:32.140
She loves God and this is a non-negotiable.

1761
01:44:32.460 --> 01:44:34.120
It was overwhelming.

1762
01:44:34.320 --> 01:44:36.880
And I told her I wouldn't be attracted to her

1763
01:44:36.880 --> 01:44:39.540
because are you anybody outside of Jesus?

1764
01:44:39.900 --> 01:44:42.060
So not in that way, I know,

1765
01:44:42.200 --> 01:44:44.500
like it is Jesus who now lives in us.

1766
01:44:44.900 --> 01:44:47.620
So I'm giving you this example to help you see.

1767
01:44:47.880 --> 01:44:50.200
And so more subtle statements like,

1768
01:44:50.400 --> 01:44:52.600
hey, my faith is very important to me.

1769
01:44:52.600 --> 01:44:55.020
And the person that I get to know,

1770
01:44:55.020 --> 01:44:57.360
I would like that to be the same for them.

1771
01:44:57.360 --> 01:44:58.400
Okay. Right.

1772
01:44:58.400 --> 01:44:59.560
And so they're just saying,

1773
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.940
You don't have to, when you put your profile,

1774
01:45:02.240 --> 01:45:07.060
no, it's about Jesus and then more Gs and more Gs,

1775
01:45:07.100 --> 01:45:08.540
so you don't say anything about you.

1776
01:45:09.040 --> 01:45:11.880
So you're saying, I'm Gayle, you know, I like, just say,

1777
01:45:12.020 --> 01:45:13.720
I like outdoor adventures, I like to go hiking.

1778
01:45:13.760 --> 01:45:15.480
So you're telling these people something about you,

1779
01:45:15.640 --> 01:45:19.380
and you're also saying my faith is of the utmost importance

1780
01:45:19.380 --> 01:45:22.260
to me, my faith in Jesus is very important to me

1781
01:45:22.260 --> 01:45:26.420
and the person that I date, I want that as well for them.

1782
01:45:26.520 --> 01:45:26.920
Okay.

1783
01:45:26.920 --> 01:45:30.160
So that's just a little, just to open that up for you,

1784
01:45:30.160 --> 01:45:31.980
that's what that would look like.

1785
01:45:32.160 --> 01:45:33.920
Yeah, that's very, very helpful then,

1786
01:45:34.080 --> 01:45:35.760
that explains it then, thank you.

1787
01:45:36.260 --> 01:45:37.860
Yeah, you're welcome, and let me just add this.

1788
01:45:38.000 --> 01:45:40.100
So when you talk about boundaries on your first date,

1789
01:45:40.660 --> 01:45:42.500
you're not gonna talk about Jesus,

1790
01:45:42.580 --> 01:45:44.420
you're not gonna talk about spiritual things,

1791
01:45:44.420 --> 01:45:45.640
like you're not gonna pray together.

1792
01:45:46.040 --> 01:45:47.240
Not you're not gonna talk about Jesus,

1793
01:45:47.280 --> 01:45:49.640
but you're not gonna wanna get into, let's pray together,

1794
01:45:49.800 --> 01:45:51.260
let's read our Bible together.

1795
01:45:52.140 --> 01:45:54.080
Spiritual things can make you think you know a person

1796
01:45:54.080 --> 01:45:55.020
better than you do.

1797
01:45:55.680 --> 01:45:58.640
It's one of the things, and it's just not this program,

1798
01:45:58.660 --> 01:46:00.040
you can research it.

1799
01:46:00.100 --> 01:46:02.680
When you start doing these spiritual things with a person,

1800
01:46:02.760 --> 01:46:05.520
you think you know them, but you don't.

1801
01:46:05.880 --> 01:46:07.860
You say, well, I see them through God's eyes.

1802
01:46:07.940 --> 01:46:10.240
Yeah, but God know everything about them,

1803
01:46:10.240 --> 01:46:11.460
you don't know about them.

1804
01:46:11.760 --> 01:46:13.500
So you can see them with the love of God,

1805
01:46:13.700 --> 01:46:16.680
but he's already, he accepts their addiction.

1806
01:46:16.800 --> 01:46:18.680
He accept like he's working with him

1807
01:46:18.680 --> 01:46:20.360
to get them to an expected end.

1808
01:46:20.420 --> 01:46:22.560
So it's wonderful that you see them,

1809
01:46:22.560 --> 01:46:24.580
but it's also wonderful that you live

1810
01:46:24.580 --> 01:46:25.680
where you are in the moment.

1811
01:46:26.000 --> 01:46:27.200
And so you don't wanna start talking

1812
01:46:27.200 --> 01:46:28.680
about heavy emotional things,

1813
01:46:28.860 --> 01:46:30.560
those things that are private to your life.

1814
01:46:30.660 --> 01:46:33.200
You don't wanna start doing spiritual things together

1815
01:46:33.200 --> 01:46:36.580
because it again produces, it speeds up the process,

1816
01:46:36.620 --> 01:46:38.940
and it makes you think you know them better than you do.

1817
01:46:39.080 --> 01:46:41.400
So when you watch these videos and she says,

1818
01:46:41.820 --> 01:46:46.320
lay out that a lot of Bible reading and praying

1819
01:46:46.320 --> 01:46:48.640
when you first meet a person until you get to know them,

1820
01:46:48.640 --> 01:46:52.440
that's the reason why, because it in fact produces it.

1821
01:46:53.520 --> 01:46:55.220
You're right when you start joining,

1822
01:46:55.600 --> 01:46:56.660
oh, come go to my church.

1823
01:46:56.780 --> 01:46:58.200
Let's come and go do this together.

1824
01:46:58.240 --> 01:46:59.560
Let's go to this conference together.

1825
01:46:59.560 --> 01:47:00.480
Let's do this together.

1826
01:47:00.560 --> 01:47:01.440
You're starting to think,

1827
01:47:01.780 --> 01:47:03.380
oh, I really know this person, I miss them.

1828
01:47:03.720 --> 01:47:05.500
So just a little clarity on that.

1829
01:47:06.100 --> 01:47:08.840
Yeah, I'm again, it's been,

1830
01:47:09.080 --> 01:47:11.180
it was like a week ago tomorrow

1831
01:47:11.180 --> 01:47:13.820
that I actually even signed up for this dating app.

1832
01:47:14.080 --> 01:47:17.760
So now what is the next step here?

1833
01:47:18.640 --> 01:47:21.460
I mean, I've been chatting with some of them

1834
01:47:21.460 --> 01:47:22.660
for like five days.

1835
01:47:22.960 --> 01:47:24.820
What are the levels there?

1836
01:47:25.200 --> 01:47:27.100
Okay, so yeah, and then I wanna tell you,

1837
01:47:27.120 --> 01:47:30.320
27 is a lot, just narrow it down to about three, Gail.

1838
01:47:33.580 --> 01:47:36.020
You're gonna get tired and you're not gonna be able

1839
01:47:36.020 --> 01:47:38.220
to really invest in what's in front of you.

1840
01:47:38.300 --> 01:47:39.700
You're not gonna be able to tell.

1841
01:47:40.040 --> 01:47:41.160
So just cause they like you

1842
01:47:41.160 --> 01:47:42.760
don't mean you have to like them back, it's okay.

1843
01:47:43.000 --> 01:47:44.120
So pick your three.

1844
01:47:44.740 --> 01:47:46.000
You can even pick three

1845
01:47:46.000 --> 01:47:47.800
that you wanna continue your conversation with.

1846
01:47:47.800 --> 01:47:50.580
Or two, and then rotate them.

1847
01:47:50.720 --> 01:47:52.560
Once one fall out, pick up another one.

1848
01:47:52.720 --> 01:47:53.960
You see what I'm saying?

1849
01:47:54.360 --> 01:47:56.480
And so at this phase, what happens is,

1850
01:47:56.600 --> 01:47:58.960
in one of the videos, it explains it to you this way.

1851
01:47:59.160 --> 01:48:03.100
The goal of your communication is for a live date.

1852
01:48:04.560 --> 01:48:09.180
If someone is local and driving distance,

1853
01:48:09.220 --> 01:48:10.460
you want to get with them.

1854
01:48:10.820 --> 01:48:12.660
If you start talking to them on Monday,

1855
01:48:12.760 --> 01:48:14.740
by Friday, y'all should be setting up a coffee date.

1856
01:48:17.800 --> 01:48:19.480
Somewhere in those three days,

1857
01:48:19.800 --> 01:48:22.140
one day, two day, whatever you're comfortable with,

1858
01:48:22.440 --> 01:48:25.840
you can be saying, hey, it's great getting to know you.

1859
01:48:26.080 --> 01:48:27.800
If you're interested in exchanging numbers

1860
01:48:27.800 --> 01:48:30.600
or doing a video call, I would like that as well.

1861
01:48:30.860 --> 01:48:31.660
Let me know.

1862
01:48:32.160 --> 01:48:35.400
You're not trying to text with somebody for five days

1863
01:48:35.400 --> 01:48:36.800
that you've never seen before.

1864
01:48:37.360 --> 01:48:39.100
You haven't heard their voice.

1865
01:48:39.340 --> 01:48:41.680
There's nothing other than you sending a message

1866
01:48:41.680 --> 01:48:42.460
back and forth.

1867
01:48:43.600 --> 01:48:46.080
And so at some point you wanna find a way

1868
01:48:46.080 --> 01:48:48.680
to come out of that part of the app.

1869
01:48:48.720 --> 01:48:50.400
You can make calls on these apps now.

1870
01:48:50.460 --> 01:48:52.260
You can do video chats on the apps now.

1871
01:48:53.160 --> 01:48:56.320
So if you wanna do that, you can do Zoom.

1872
01:48:56.660 --> 01:48:57.880
If you don't wanna give your number out,

1873
01:48:57.920 --> 01:48:59.040
you can get a Google number.

1874
01:48:59.520 --> 01:49:02.960
Let's say this person lives farther than a drive

1875
01:49:02.960 --> 01:49:04.460
and they're 300 miles away.

1876
01:49:04.620 --> 01:49:07.420
Well, in about two weeks, y'all need to be meeting up.

1877
01:49:07.800 --> 01:49:10.320
But there's no way where you should be texting them

1878
01:49:10.320 --> 01:49:12.140
for two weeks and not heard their voice,

1879
01:49:12.320 --> 01:49:13.760
not done a video chat.

1880
01:49:13.760 --> 01:49:16.060
That needs to happen.

1881
01:49:17.560 --> 01:49:18.840
Because at this point, you don't even know

1882
01:49:18.840 --> 01:49:20.360
if you're dealing with a real person.

1883
01:49:21.080 --> 01:49:21.520
Okay.

1884
01:49:21.780 --> 01:49:22.220
Yeah.

1885
01:49:22.220 --> 01:49:25.360
Yeah, I've had several men give me their number

1886
01:49:25.360 --> 01:49:26.860
and I have done nothing with it

1887
01:49:26.860 --> 01:49:28.380
and I haven't given mine out.

1888
01:49:29.040 --> 01:49:34.260
I did give it out to one person and he was local

1889
01:49:35.080 --> 01:49:39.560
and we had Facebook friends in common, interesting enough.

1890
01:49:39.820 --> 01:49:41.880
So I met with him and that was a real,

1891
01:49:42.080 --> 01:49:43.200
that was an eye opener.

1892
01:49:43.200 --> 01:49:51.900
He seemed nice, of course, on the profile

1893
01:49:52.520 --> 01:49:54.940
and I called the people that knew him and said,

1894
01:49:55.140 --> 01:49:56.560
oh, he appears to be a nice guy.

1895
01:49:57.040 --> 01:49:59.480
The friends, common friends, I did a little research.

1896
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.640
And so I met with him and I'm in a public place and he had a dog with him and I was

1897
01:50:06.640 --> 01:50:11.860
petting the dog and because I have worked at a vet's office, I noticed a lump on its

1898
01:50:11.860 --> 01:50:16.180
abdomen and I said, Oh, do you know about this lump on your dog's abdomen?

1899
01:50:17.120 --> 01:50:19.560
And he was quiet for like 10 minutes.

1900
01:50:19.720 --> 01:50:20.680
We proceeded to go.

1901
01:50:20.860 --> 01:50:26.660
We were walking around this along this path and he was like quiet, quiet, quiet, and all

1902
01:50:26.660 --> 01:50:28.020
of a sudden he blew up at me.

1903
01:50:28.020 --> 01:50:33.640
I mean, hollering, don't you accuse me of not taking care of my dog and I spent X amount

1904
01:50:33.640 --> 01:50:35.140
of dollars taking care of my dog.

1905
01:50:35.140 --> 01:50:36.960
I mean, he started hollering at me.

1906
01:50:37.020 --> 01:50:38.020
I was so embarrassed.

1907
01:50:38.460 --> 01:50:48.200
Of course that was like gone, you know, he, you know, I'm, I'm very fortunate that I saw

1908
01:50:48.200 --> 01:50:57.140
that red flag like immediately, but, um, I've had others that wanting to do, you know, call

1909
01:50:57.140 --> 01:50:57.680
and talk.

1910
01:50:57.700 --> 01:50:58.840
And I'm just like, I don't know.

1911
01:50:58.880 --> 01:51:00.320
I don't know what week I'm supposed to.

1912
01:51:00.520 --> 01:51:06.060
I'm like, I gotta ask, I gotta ask, you know, when, when are we supposed to be talking on

1913
01:51:06.060 --> 01:51:07.140
the phone kind of thing?

1914
01:51:07.140 --> 01:51:10.900
And I do have a Google voice, by the way, I did set one up.

1915
01:51:11.920 --> 01:51:12.320
Yeah.

1916
01:51:12.540 --> 01:51:13.980
Oh, well you're good to go.

1917
01:51:14.200 --> 01:51:16.060
Just you don't have to wait to do that.

1918
01:51:16.060 --> 01:51:17.180
You can do it the same day.

1919
01:51:17.180 --> 01:51:18.200
You start chatting with them.

1920
01:51:18.200 --> 01:51:18.740
If you want to.

1921
01:51:18.840 --> 01:51:19.940
That's just up to you.

1922
01:51:19.940 --> 01:51:21.420
You can do it the next day.

1923
01:51:21.700 --> 01:51:23.460
Uh, that is, and men are notorious.

1924
01:51:23.460 --> 01:51:29.480
Like I've been on dating ads and they'll just send a number and I'm like, uh, no, but you

1925
01:51:29.480 --> 01:51:34.300
will have to at least ask me, but anyway, um, but no, that's a totally up to you.

1926
01:51:34.300 --> 01:51:36.580
I don't, I don't like to me personally.

1927
01:51:36.580 --> 01:51:37.800
It's up to you completely.

1928
01:51:38.640 --> 01:51:42.020
Um, I don't do long chat texting back and forth.

1929
01:51:42.100 --> 01:51:46.020
I like to go ahead and figure out what we got and get a date on the books.

1930
01:51:46.020 --> 01:51:47.300
Cause I don't like talking to a person.

1931
01:51:47.360 --> 01:51:48.180
I don't know how they look.

1932
01:51:48.200 --> 01:51:49.420
And I've not seen it before.

1933
01:51:50.140 --> 01:51:51.800
It feels weird to me.

1934
01:51:52.060 --> 01:51:53.660
Um, and I don't do it.

1935
01:51:53.920 --> 01:52:02.220
So do you consider a date, like a zoom chat, a video chat or now long distance that yeah,

1936
01:52:02.220 --> 01:52:05.420
the, you know, we can make the program considers it a date.

1937
01:52:06.080 --> 01:52:06.640
Okay.

1938
01:52:06.640 --> 01:52:07.180
Yeah.

1939
01:52:07.940 --> 01:52:13.240
Um, and then if someone's in another country, like far away, like 1300 miles away, no more

1940
01:52:13.240 --> 01:52:16.820
than about five weeks before you see each other, you, you know, you don't need to go

1941
01:52:16.820 --> 01:52:21.020
past five weeks because you really don't know a person until you meet them.

1942
01:52:22.080 --> 01:52:22.120
Good.

1943
01:52:22.800 --> 01:52:23.220
Yeah.

1944
01:52:23.240 --> 01:52:24.020
You've helped me a lot.

1945
01:52:24.280 --> 01:52:24.580
Thank you.

1946
01:52:24.760 --> 01:52:25.180
Good.

1947
01:52:25.280 --> 01:52:25.720
You're welcome.

1948
01:52:26.600 --> 01:52:27.040
Okay.

1949
01:52:27.040 --> 01:52:27.380
Ladies.

1950
01:52:27.600 --> 01:52:29.040
It has been a pleasure tonight.

1951
01:52:29.380 --> 01:52:35.800
We need to play pray for who's dog, um, Patty, who's dog are we praying for?

1952
01:52:35.800 --> 01:52:40.100
I think she got out because he's the dog is Jody Jody.

1953
01:52:40.340 --> 01:52:44.340
Let's pray for Jody's dog and something we didn't get a chance to do, even though it's

1954
01:52:44.340 --> 01:52:45.580
the aftermath of it.

1955
01:52:45.580 --> 01:52:50.680
Um, and my intercessory team here, we we've been praying for Jamaica, but we're going

1956
01:52:50.680 --> 01:52:51.340
to throw that in.

1957
01:52:51.440 --> 01:52:52.420
I didn't forget that.

1958
01:52:52.420 --> 01:52:57.320
Felicia there we're praying for him every week with my internet, with my intercessory

1959
01:52:57.320 --> 01:52:57.620
team.

1960
01:52:57.640 --> 01:53:00.960
But anyway, yes, we're going to pray for Jody's dog, Lucy.

1961
01:53:01.220 --> 01:53:04.720
And we're going to pray for those, um, in Jamaica for their recovery.

1962
01:53:04.920 --> 01:53:08.240
So father God, we thank you for your goodness and your kindness.

1963
01:53:08.520 --> 01:53:13.060
We enter into your courts with your gates with Thanksgiving into your courts with praise,

1964
01:53:13.060 --> 01:53:17.620
because no matter what is happening in this world around us, you are good and you are

1965
01:53:17.620 --> 01:53:18.740
worthy to be praised.

1966
01:53:18.880 --> 01:53:22.260
And so we say, thank you God in glory to your name.

1967
01:53:22.360 --> 01:53:23.660
We're just like the elders.

1968
01:53:23.940 --> 01:53:28.320
They cast their crowns down at your feet saying, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty

1969
01:53:28.320 --> 01:53:30.100
who was and is and is to come.

1970
01:53:30.500 --> 01:53:32.140
So God, we thank you for your faithfulness.

1971
01:53:32.220 --> 01:53:33.240
We thank you for Lucy.

1972
01:53:33.340 --> 01:53:38.640
We ask that you put your hand upon Lucy, heal her body, her, uh, Jody's little dog.

1973
01:53:38.740 --> 01:53:39.320
We thank you.

1974
01:53:39.340 --> 01:53:41.240
Look, I've seen you heal dogs before.

1975
01:53:41.260 --> 01:53:42.420
I know you would do it.

1976
01:53:42.420 --> 01:53:44.140
There are dogs on a sick bed.

1977
01:53:44.440 --> 01:53:46.880
Our team prayed and you kept the dog alive.

1978
01:53:47.260 --> 01:53:50.520
And so we ask you for, um, to keep Jody in perfect health.

1979
01:53:50.800 --> 01:53:52.700
She, I mean, Lucy in perfect health.

1980
01:53:52.700 --> 01:53:55.040
And I know Lucy means so much to Jody.

1981
01:53:55.220 --> 01:53:56.520
Our dogs are our friends.

1982
01:53:56.600 --> 01:53:57.860
Our dogs are our family.

1983
01:53:58.220 --> 01:54:04.900
And so father God, we just thank you that we ask Lord God for your recovery and restoration

1984
01:54:04.960 --> 01:54:06.440
grace over Jamaica.

1985
01:54:07.400 --> 01:54:09.360
Lord God, we call for renewal.

1986
01:54:09.920 --> 01:54:11.400
Lord God in that land.

1987
01:54:11.920 --> 01:54:17.800
Um, and we call for that land, um, to make reconciliation with you and to declare as

1988
01:54:17.800 --> 01:54:19.680
an island that Jesus is Lord.

1989
01:54:20.140 --> 01:54:23.040
Um, and so father God, we just thank you for what you're doing.

1990
01:54:23.100 --> 01:54:24.240
I thank you for these ladies.

1991
01:54:24.320 --> 01:54:28.980
I thank you that you have a, a dynamic plan for them and you're rolling it out before

1992
01:54:28.980 --> 01:54:29.880
their very eyes.

1993
01:54:29.880 --> 01:54:34.160
They don't see it yet, but they will see it real soon in Jesus name.

1994
01:54:34.280 --> 01:54:34.800
We pray.

1995
01:54:35.560 --> 01:54:35.620
Amen.

1996
01:54:37.040 --> 01:54:38.000
Good night, ladies.

1997
01:54:38.640 --> 01:54:39.560
Sleep well.

1998
01:54:39.620 --> 01:54:40.340
Good night.

1999
01:54:40.460 --> 01:54:40.940
Thank you.

2000
01:54:42.080 --> 01:54:42.540
Good night.

2001
01:54:42.540 --> 01:54:42.900
You're welcome.

2002
01:54:45.140 --> 01:54:46.060
Good night.

2003
01:54:46.480 --> 01:54:46.820
Thank you.

2004
01:54:47.220 --> 01:54:48.020
Have a good night.

2005
01:54:48.380 --> 01:54:48.840
You're welcome.

2006
01:54:48.840 --> 01:54:49.960
Y'all have a good night.