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Hello, good evening everyone, welcome for another amazing Monday night.

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We are here tonight just to see what God is going to do.

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As always, I hope that you've come expecting and believing God to meet you here.

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I was actually just praying before I hopped on and that was something that I was praying

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as God helped, like, He knows you all better than I do, better than you even know yourselves.

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And I was just like, Lord, just help them to hear what they need to hear from you tonight.

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That's my prayer all the time, but that is just something I was pausing and just praying

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before I hopped on.

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It's always a good reminder.

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And so wherever you're at, I just want to encourage you to agree with the Lord that

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He's going to help you to hear what you need to hear tonight, to get more breakthrough,

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to take another step forward in your healing journey.

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If you're brand new, you've never been on a live session with us before, we'd love

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for you to let us know in the chat that you're here joining us.

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We want to welcome you.

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All of my ladies that are joining again, welcome back, praying for you all and just believing

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for God to continue to do really miraculous things for you on this journey.

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I'm going to go ahead and have Annette, which I forgot to introduce myself.

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For those of you that are brand new, you might not even know who I am.

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I'm Bethany Cooper.

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I'm one of the Master Heart Work coaches here in the community.

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We also have Annette Lewis, who is one of our peer coaches here tonight as well.

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And we'd love for Annette to go ahead and just do a couple of our housekeeping items

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to pray us in, and then we'll go from there.

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Good evening, ladies.

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My voice may not sound like myself, but I sound better than I have this week.

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I've been sick this week, but happy to be here with you tonight.

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A couple of reminders of things that we just want you to remember is we really like you

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and encourage you to push pause on dating or exploring any relationships with any men

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while you're in the Heart Work.

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It's a five-week program.

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We prefer that a natural pace is one week of content per week for each of the five weeks.

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If it takes you longer than that, that is no problem.

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We recommend that time frame just specifically because we want you to take time to process

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with the Holy Spirit and not rush through, and let him reveal and heal your heart during

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the time.

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So, it's also really important to push a pause on dating while your heart's under construction.

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Then it leaves good opportunity for you to grow and to heal and to move into any dating

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and relationship in the future, more healed, whole, and healthy, which is exactly what

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our goal and our prayer is for you so that you can enter into that your best self.

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The other thing with the holidays coming up, with the Heart Work that you're doing, things

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can get really busy, and we want you to stay healthy.

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All of those things, this is a reminder to take good care of yourselves.

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This is hard work, but this is definitely worth it.

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So give yourself some grace, get good rest, drink lots of water, eat, try to limit sugar.

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Even during the holidays, I know it's hard, but try and limit your sugar intake just to

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take extra good care of yourself during this time because you're definitely worth it, and

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we want the very best for you.

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I'm going to go ahead and pray us in now, and we'll get started.

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Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the blessing and the privilege of being gathered tonight

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in your name and to learn and to grow.

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Thank you that each of these ladies has been brought here by divine appointment, specifically

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anointed and appointed by you.

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We pray that each of them would be open tonight to receive the words and the nuggets of truth

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that you have, and that may they be surrendered to maybe some areas that they've been holding

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back, that they've been protecting, afraid to let you do your healing work there.

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But God, I just pray that tonight would be a different story, that they would see the

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love, the care, and the compassion that you approach them with, and that you know each

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one of them more intimately than even they know themselves, and that they can trust you

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with all the desires that they have.

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So Holy Spirit, grow them, teach them, show them, plus Bethany, as she speaks, may your

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words flow through her this evening.

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In your name I pray, amen.

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Thanks, Bethany.

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Awesome.

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Thank you so much.

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Praying for you to continue to heal.

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I know it can be tough.

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Appreciate you.

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She's got her sexy voice on.

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She always does, but like, you know, it's like sexy.

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sexy when it gets all deep in there.

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Yep.

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So it sounds great, Annette, just want you to know.

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Thank you for doing that.

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So ladies, as she was talking,

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one of the things I was saying this afternoon

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to the ladies is part of the reason

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that we encourage you all to press pause on dating

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and trying to meet men,

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or even allowing a guy to reenter

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into your life in this season,

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is because during this time,

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you are literally coming,

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if you're doing the heartwork process,

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you're really invested in it,

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you should be coming out of counterfeit identities, okay?

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So some of those things that really mess up

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the way that you see people,

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create all those filters and blind spots,

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and you should be stepping further

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into who God originally created you

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to be a little bit more every day.

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And so there's all kinds of stuff stirred up right now.

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So I can promise you,

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you are not going to be looking through a clear lens

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while you're in the heartwork.

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Remember last week, we talked about how the sunglasses

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and the different lenses that are out there now,

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and it can totally change

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the way we are perceiving someone or something,

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it's the same thing in this regard, okay?

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So I can tell you from working and coaching

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with this community for years,

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people, I'm not saying it never happens,

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but typically people that attract someone

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or meet someone while they are in the heartwork

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and start dating, even though we say don't do it,

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y'all, they regret it later, they do.

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They come back,

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something doesn't work out with that relationship,

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and then they have to start the heartwork all the way over.

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And we don't make them, y'all, this is what they say to us.

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God is telling me I gotta go back and do the heartwork again

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or, hey, this happened, this thing blew up

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and didn't work out, what should I do?

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And we're like, you should come back and do the heartwork.

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So save yourself a lot of time and heartache

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and just stay in the game and stay focused

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and be in it to win it for yourself

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because you are the most important investment

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that you can ever invest in.

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And to be fully intentional and focused on yourself,

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it is gonna be a blessing for you in the long run.

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Let's see, in transit at the moment.

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Okay, totally fine if y'all aren't able

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to turn your cameras on, love to see you all.

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Of course, as many of you as possible

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that can turn on your cameras.

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This is great practice, y'all.

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You might wanna start to,

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even when you're getting on these sessions,

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not that y'all have to have all your makeup done

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or all the things,

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but if you just see the lighting differences,

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you're not dating yet, but I'm just giving you a little tip.

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You might wanna start working on your lighting

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because when you do go into the next phase

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and you may or may not start to online date,

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those guys, they're gonna wanna see your face.

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We wanna see your face, okay?

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So just a little tip.

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One of the things, there you are, Lisa, I see you, hello.

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So you all, I invested way back in a ring light.

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They're amazing.

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I take them with me when I travel and everything.

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There's little ones, there's big ones.

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This one just sits on my desk.

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I put it right in front of my laptop.

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It helps you guys see me really clearly.

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And I can change the colors on it and all kinds of things.

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So super inexpensive.

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You might wanna consider investing in something like that.

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All right, pro tip.

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All right, so tonight we're not talking about dating at all.

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We're talking about the story of Candice

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and how God cares about you.

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And we're gonna also talk about broken promises

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and how those broken promises impact us

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and the way that we show up in the world around us.

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And so some of you may or may not have heard the story yet

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in the videos, but you will if you haven't already.

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But just a very quick recap.

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Candice, basically God spoke to Jackie.

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She was planning a couple of events

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and this is what she heard God say.

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Candice is gonna be there and she needs healing.

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She didn't know who Candice was.

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She didn't have anybody on her teams named Candice.

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She didn't know if Candice was just gonna be a person

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that came to the conference or the events.

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But God just kept speaking to her

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that Candice was gonna be there and she needed healing.

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And so Jackie really felt like this impression

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to figure out who Candice was.

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The short version is that the speaker for one of the events

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ended up having to cancel.

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And guess who the new speaker was?

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It was Candice.

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And so Jackie and her did end up getting connected

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and God was able to get Candice the things

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that she needed for healing.

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And the reason I tell this story,

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the night that we're talking about God caring about you

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and broken promises is just to remind you

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that God knows what we mean.

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God knows where we are.

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And he knows how to get us what we need where we're at.

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Some of you may or may not believe that right now

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because things have happened in your past.

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You know, you've been through certain situations

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and circumstances and the more pain that we go through,

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the more it kind of wears down our belief

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that God cares about us,

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especially when we partner with the lies

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that the enemy is offering up to us.

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And so just as I declare this over you,

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God, I'm asking you right now to reveal

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to every one of these ladies that are here live,

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those that are gonna watch the replay,

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any areas right now that they're struggling to believe

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that you, God, care about their needs

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and their wants in Jesus' name.

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So I wanna talk to you about the fact

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that he does care about your needs and your wants,

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but here's the caveat.

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Some of the things that we want

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actually are not good for us.

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They actually are harmful for us.

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For example, my spiritual daughter's dad,

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he was not good for me.

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I wanted to marry him before I really knew

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everything he was about,

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but even after I kind of knew the first or second time

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that he was having side relationships, y'all,

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I kept believing for God to just radically change this man

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and just help him to know how good I am, God,

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and help him to see the blessing that I bring

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to their lives and all of the stuff

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that I pleaded and prayed.

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But that was not God's best for me.

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He was not God's best for me.

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Therefore, God, in his great love for me,

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did not answer that prayer or any of those prayers.

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Praise the Lord, he did not.

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I see it hindsight.

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I didn't see it then, right?

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And so I wanna save you all some heartache there as well.

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Trust the Lord.

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If he is leading you out of something, it is for your good.

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It is to protect you.

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It's to provide for you and to lead you into his goodness

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and his plan for your life.

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Now, the other side of this is that there are a lot of you

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that believe that God cares about your needs,

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but you aren't really sure if he cares

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about the desires of your heart, the wants.

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That's what we can kind of call it.

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You know, in the Bible, people talk about,

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and there's actually scriptures

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about the desires of our hearts.

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Your dreams, what, you know,

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so many of you haven't dreamed in a really long time

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because some of those things got shut down with pain

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and things that we were going through,

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or maybe we believed a lie and we convinced ourselves

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that we didn't want that thing anymore.

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Some of you actually are still partnering with the lie

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that you don't want to be married really,

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even though you're here,

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or that God doesn't have marriage for you

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because he's a trickster.

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These are subconscious lies that a lot of people believe.

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And so tonight we wanna help you continue

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to come out of alignment and agreement.

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Calandra, I know sometimes I say different things,

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you know, Holy Spirit knows what we need to hear.

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She was on with us this afternoon

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and I must be saying something different,

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but yeah, God knows exactly how to help us

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come out of alignment and agreement

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with these lies that we believe

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and the things that we do as a result of them.

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And so we want God tonight to reveal,

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this is my heart prayer for you all,

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that he would reveal to you that he is good.

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And not only that he is good,

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but that he will come through for you.

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Not just, you know, your sister Shelly

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or your sister Sheila or Wendy,

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but you Megan and you Annette and you Lisa

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and every woman on here, as well as those on the replay,

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God knows your name.

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He knows the number of hair on our heads.

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Sometimes I just think about that.

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Y'all, as a hairstylist, like I lose hair,

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you know, we lose hair all the time.

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And I just think about like,

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God knows even when our hair falls out.

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Like that just is a, it's just mind blowing to me

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that we would think that a God

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that knows about every hair on our head

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doesn't care about us.

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It's so opposite of that, isn't it?

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Yet we struggle to believe that not only

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that he cares for us, but that, hey, he's just,

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you know, he's gonna bless everybody else,

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but I'm just not sure if he's gonna do this for me.

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Letdowns, trauma, and unhealed wounds from the past

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are what cause us to view God and other people

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through all these filters and lenses

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and causes all these blind spots.

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Remember, that's what we talked about last week.

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Numbers 2319, I'm gonna read two versions of this for you.

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I am gonna read King James Version, old school.

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First, Numbers 2319, this is what it says.

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God is not a man that he should lie,

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neither the son of man that he should repent.

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Hath he said and shall he not do it?

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Or hath he spoken and shall he not make good?

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Now I'm gonna read the message translation.

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I love both of these.

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God is not a man, one given to love.

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Remember he is God. Okay, and not a son of man changing his mind

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Does he speak and not do what he says?

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Does he promise and not come through?

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God isn't man. He isn't man. Yes, Jesus came in the form of a man, but he was fully God

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Y'all he isn't gonna act like a man because he wasn't

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He was God he's always been God

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And so why do we limit him and put him in a box because of what man in the world has done to us?

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That's caused us to doubt God or even the things that we ourselves have done

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That that have caused us to

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Kind of have this stain or this shame that we walk in that caused us to doubt God's goodness towards us. I

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Was thinking this afternoon after I did the first session I

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Didn't really touch

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I mean I touched on a lot of things but I was thinking that I didn't really touch on some of my broken promises and

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So I felt led to talk about that briefly tonight and even as Annette was praying

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There the ideas were coming to me of what I was supposed to talk about and these are the things that I heard the Holy

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Spirit say to highlight I'm not gonna tell the whole story about all of these things, but this is what I felt led to mention

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When we're talking about broken promises, I'm gonna talk about back and forth

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I'm gonna kind of toggle between the faithfulness of God broken promises and God cares about you

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That's gonna be kind of back and forth all night tonight

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But here are a couple that I wrote down

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my broken promises

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was my dad leaving and

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This I wrote down that there are spoken and unspoken broken promises I

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Want you to kind of think about that?

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Some broken promises are things people said that they did those are kind of like the spoken ones even through their actions

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They're speaking something to you. They're telling you

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something and then they're not following through and then the unspoken is just when someone does something it

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causes a ripple effect of things my dad leaving when my mom was in the hospital right after she gave birth to me and

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Abandoning her taking the car left her with not even a way to get home

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He broke every promise that he made regarding being a father

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Not just in that moment, but my entire

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Life you all my dad was never I love him in Jesus name

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Through Jesus. He is he's a in heaven now

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but he never was able to

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Step into the role of father not once my entire life. I

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Hardly ever heard from my dad and when I did on occasion we would kind of have a little bit of a conversation

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But he would tend to always

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you know try to put things in there that just weren't his business to

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Say or do or he talked bad about my siblings and I'd feel like I'd had to stand up for people and all this stuff

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And so for some of you

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It's not just the spoken things it's the unspoken

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Those things that are lingering there underneath the surface

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I mean that that situation with my dad man for years. I chased after him in my heart. I

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Wanted him to be my dad. I wanted him to show up

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Sometimes it was through being mad at him and you know when he would try to come around and I didn't want anything to do

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With him or he'd be you know falling asleep early at night

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He would make me stay home because I had to spend time with him when he would come back around and then he would fall

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Asleep and I'm be like, why am I why did he force me to stay home? He didn't even want to spend time with me

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See, these are all broken promises you all

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It wasn't like my dad said I promise you that if you stay home, I'm gonna spend time with you

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But isn't that what's implied you have to stay home so that you'll be here when I'm here

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But then they fall asleep or there's something that happens or they're not emotionally connected and then this isn't just dad's moms have done

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This to you, but I want you to be thinking about these kind of things for yourself. Here's some other ones in

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my first marriage

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My ex-husband was abusive

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neglectful and

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He abandoned me in that relationship

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He also before we got married he said he wanted additional children after we got married he changed his mind

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He already had a son. I didn't have a son. I had a stepson. He was a bonus son and I love him

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Like he's mine

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even still to this day, I love him like he's mine, but I

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wanted my own children and I was very clear about that and

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He changed his mind. Y'all that's that's like some kind of crazy stuff. You know that really messes people up

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Because now you're like stuck in them if you will in a marriage, that's not why I divorced

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him. I divorced him because of all the abuse and the crazy cycle and things that were happening,

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very scary stuff. But all the other things were leading up to all that.

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That was a broken promise. He said he wanted kids and then he changed his mind.

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That was a broken promise. The abuse, to me, that's a broken promise because he wasn't loving

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me like he said he would. He was hurting me. And then pretending to be somebody really

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awesome and spiritual and public. Broken promise. There's another one.

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Do you see how this really shows up in a lot of different ways? And so I'm hoping,

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hopefully you all see, that there are times where people are literally like,

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yeah, okay, they walked away from me, they divorced me, or they literally said,

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I promise you that I'm going to do this, and then they don't. But then what are the ones

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that are underneath the surface for you that are still keeping you stuck?

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Because they broke some level of a promise to you. Okay? All right, I'm going to keep going.

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I'm going to kind of toggle back to God is good. We're going to talk about different aspects of

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unfailing love here for a little bit. Psalm 31, 16 in the NIV says this,

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let your face shine on your servant, save me in your unfailing love.

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The version of unfailing here, unfailing love, excuse me, is for thy mercy's sake,

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for goodness, for kindness, for faithfulness, for merciful. So basically, let your face shine

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on your servant, save me in your unfailing love, save me in your goodness, Lord, save me in your

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kindness. I want you to be thinking, I'm going to read another scripture here in a minute,

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but I want you to be thinking about just where you're at right now, and not in a scary way.

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Some of y'all, you know, I'll say this, and you're not sure what you think about God's safety

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and protection, but He is loving. And so I want you to think about, like, where you're at, just

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if you can imagine God just surrounding you with His, the Bible talks about, under the shadow of

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His wings, that He protects us. And I want you to think about the fact that as you're under His

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wings, and even if you can imagine, I don't know, even though I didn't have a dad that did this,

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I watched other kids with their dads, and I've seen it, where the dad just kind of encompasses

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the kid in front of them, you know, the kid's either standing right, and they just come up,

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and they bear hug right around them. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about right now.

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That is how God is. He won't force Himself on you, but if He knows that you're open to receiving

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His love, He will envelop you and enclose you with His love. Psalm 32 10 says this,

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many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds, there it is,

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the one who trusts in Him. Unfailing love here is mercy shall encompass about Him.

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So not only is He surrounding you with His love, but His mercy as well. For some of you, you're

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really struggling with shame and guilt and condemnation, but God wants you to see tonight,

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His mercy is surrounding you. It says for those who love the Lord and trust in Him, His mercy

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will encircle and encompass about you. He's not going to change His mind, ladies.

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You're His, and He loves you, and He's going to continue to pursue you with His loving

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kindnesses that lead us to repentance. Do you all know that that's what the scripture says?

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Here's another one, Psalm 33 verse 5. The Lord loves righteousness and justice. The earth is

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full of His unfailing love. In this scripture, it's actually the goodness of the Lord. The Lord

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loves righteousness and justice, and the earth is full of the goodness of the Lord. So if the earth

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is full of the goodness of the Lord, why would He withhold that from you? It's all about a

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perspective switch, ladies. We have to come out of alignment with the lies that are telling us that

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His goodness isn't chasing us down, and for some of you, man, you've had a hard life. There's been

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a lot of tough things that have happened to you, but even in that, me too, but even in that,

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we have to make a choice. Whose report are we going to believe? Are we going to believe the

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report of the Lord and who He is, what the Bible tells us about His character and everything about

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or are we going to believe the enemy's report and all the lies that He's offering up to us?

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Psalm 33 verse 18, but the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him,

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on those whose hope is in His unfailing love.

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And this actually means mercy here.

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So is your hope in his mercy?

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Is your hope in his unfailing love towards you?

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Here's the last one.

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Psalm 33 verse 22.

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May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

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This unfailing love is mercy and goodness.

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I love that it can bind them again.

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I, you know, you all, sometimes it's just really a beautiful thing when you sit

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and really look at not just the word on the page, but what does it mean?

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Right.

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And so there's this song called Sparrows.

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You all have probably heard it before by Corey Asbury, but I'm going to read

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some of the lyrics over you tonight, because this goes with all of what,

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what we're saying, this is what it says.

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The sparrow is not worried about tomorrow or the troubles to come.

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The lily's not thinking about the seasons, the drought or the flood.

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A tree that's planted by the water isn't fazed by the fire.

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So why should I be?

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Cause you take good care of me.

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You take good care of me.

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You know what I need before I even ask a thing.

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And you hold me in your hands with a kindness that never ends.

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I'm carried in your love, no matter what the future brings.

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Yeah, you take good care of me.

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The sun's not worried about the winter cause soon it will pass.

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The light's not thinking about the darkness or the shadow that it casts.

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A heart that is planted in forgiveness doesn't dwell in the past.

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So why should I be?

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Cause you take good care of me.

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You take good care of me.

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You know what I need before I even ask a thing.

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And you hold me in your hands with a kindness that never ends.

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I'm carried in your love, no matter what the future brings.

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Yeah, you take good care of me.

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Maybe that's not your anthem yet, but I hope by the time you finish this

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heartwork course, it becomes your anthem.

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That God is good and he is your good father, not just everybody else's good

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father, and he wants to bless your life and he's protecting you and that he can

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help you be like that, you know, um, there's a verse where it talks about,

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um, no matter what comes, you know, there's the, in the Proverbs where

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it talks about that the woman isn't fazed.

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I'm paraphrasing it.

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I'll have to find the scripture and put it up in the group, but there's

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something about God protecting us.

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Um, I think she's on tonight.

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Kim was sharing, Kim Bailey was sharing one of her stories today.

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And man, it's so evident in the story that she told us.

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I don't have time to go into sharing it tonight, but that God has been with her.

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His supernatural grace has protected her and enabled her to forgive tremendously.

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And it's a beautiful thing, ladies.

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So let me ask you this.

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Why is this time any different?

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Y'all have tried to meet people before.

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Some of you haven't maybe for a while.

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Maybe you've not dated in a long time.

475
00:28:00.780 --> 00:28:03.880
I don't know what your situation has been, but why is this

476
00:28:03.880 --> 00:28:06.000
time any different than before?

477
00:28:06.220 --> 00:28:09.420
And I'm going to tell you why, because you're different.

478
00:28:10.620 --> 00:28:14.540
Remember you're, you're coming out of counterfeit identities, right?

479
00:28:14.600 --> 00:28:17.660
So automatically, as soon as you start coming out of those counterfeit

480
00:28:17.660 --> 00:28:20.400
identities, you're becoming someone new, someone different.

481
00:28:20.560 --> 00:28:23.140
You're going to, you're like getting new tools in your tool belt.

482
00:28:23.140 --> 00:28:25.960
You're going to come to every situation and scenario.

483
00:28:26.140 --> 00:28:30.020
Hopefully a little more equipped, a little more healed, a little more able

484
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:33.080
to receive what God wants to give you.

485
00:28:35.020 --> 00:28:38.060
You're also stepping further into the fullness of who God

486
00:28:38.340 --> 00:28:39.900
has originally created you to be.

487
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:44.540
Therefore you are looking at everything through the lens of love.

488
00:28:44.540 --> 00:28:45.960
I hope more every day.

489
00:28:47.660 --> 00:28:51.380
So if you believe that there's a good father who will give you good things,

490
00:28:52.200 --> 00:28:55.060
wouldn't he enable you to have this time be different?

491
00:28:55.580 --> 00:28:57.280
Am I saying it's going to be easy?

492
00:28:57.380 --> 00:28:59.080
No, I'm not saying that ladies.

493
00:28:59.520 --> 00:29:01.320
I am saying it's going to be worth it.

494
00:29:01.320 --> 00:29:04.420
Now, some of you thought he's going to do something real, like he'll do

495
00:29:04.420 --> 00:29:05.640
something supernatural for everyone.

496
00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:08.440
I don't want it to sound like it's not supernatural if it's not immediate.

497
00:29:08.760 --> 00:29:12.020
Some people, it's just going to, it, there's nothing we can do about that.

498
00:29:12.540 --> 00:29:13.020
Okay.

499
00:29:13.020 --> 00:29:16.340
And then other people, it might take a little longer, but I don't want you

500
00:29:16.340 --> 00:29:20.300
to lose hope and be like, Oh God, just there he's there.

501
00:29:20.300 --> 00:29:20.640
He is.

502
00:29:20.640 --> 00:29:24.060
He's just withholding from me again, or this never works for me.

503
00:29:24.660 --> 00:29:26.500
You know, we're partnering with lies again.

504
00:29:27.980 --> 00:29:33.900
Because some of you just need more time to heal, but you can practice dating

505
00:29:34.160 --> 00:29:36.560
to get more healing that you need.

506
00:29:38.600 --> 00:29:39.800
It's it's worth it.

507
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:43.440
Ladies Ecclesiastes 3.1 in the message translation says this.

508
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:48.320
There's an opportune time to do things a right time for everything on the earth.

509
00:29:49.500 --> 00:29:50.120
I've read this before.

510
00:29:50.320 --> 00:29:53.380
So my ladies that have been here for a while, they've heard me say this,

511
00:29:53.780 --> 00:29:55.180
but I pulled this out again today.

512
00:29:55.260 --> 00:29:56.260
And this is a quote.

513
00:29:56.840 --> 00:29:58.580
Uh, the gentleman's name is David Crone.

514
00:29:58.760 --> 00:29:59.880
I think that's how you say it.

515
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.620
Not sure, but this is what it said.

516
00:30:01.780 --> 00:30:03.620
And this really, really impacted me.

517
00:30:04.020 --> 00:30:05.100
And I believe this aligns.

518
00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:07.720
If y'all haven't listened to Supernatural Saturday, please.

519
00:30:08.060 --> 00:30:10.980
I know we say this every week, but please listen to it.

520
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:13.240
Jackie talked about grieving.

521
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:17.880
Things that, you know, we wanted to happen that didn't.

522
00:30:18.980 --> 00:30:22.700
So that we can make room for the new, really important ladies.

523
00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:23.920
Okay.

524
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:25.760
But this is what the quote says.

525
00:30:25.760 --> 00:30:31.120
I'm the perfect age for everything that God has for me right now.

526
00:30:32.120 --> 00:30:38.040
I'm the perfect age for everything God has for me right now.

527
00:30:39.420 --> 00:30:41.760
God isn't making mistakes.

528
00:30:42.040 --> 00:30:43.760
He knows how old you are.

529
00:30:44.560 --> 00:30:48.280
He knows what you need and he knows how to get it to you.

530
00:30:49.140 --> 00:30:49.820
Okay.

531
00:30:49.960 --> 00:30:53.120
And so I want to encourage you to partner with that.

532
00:30:53.780 --> 00:30:55.540
And I know it can be tough.

533
00:30:55.540 --> 00:30:56.060
Okay.

534
00:30:56.060 --> 00:31:01.300
I wanted to have biological babies when I was in my twenties and thirties as well,

535
00:31:01.320 --> 00:31:03.080
you all, and that just didn't happen.

536
00:31:03.100 --> 00:31:07.640
And honestly, I'm really glad I didn't have a child with my first husband.

537
00:31:08.380 --> 00:31:09.940
That would have been really bad.

538
00:31:10.100 --> 00:31:10.700
You all.

539
00:31:11.240 --> 00:31:11.540
Okay.

540
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:15.000
My whole life probably would have been a nightmare with him.

541
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:19.020
As well as him making a nightmare, you know, in my kid's life.

542
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:24.300
And so, yeah, it's not been an easy road, but God knows what he's doing and he

543
00:31:24.520 --> 00:31:26.740
knows how to help us, you know, in that regard.

544
00:31:27.140 --> 00:31:30.720
And so I want to encourage you to trust him with your things like that as well.

545
00:31:30.800 --> 00:31:32.620
It might be something different for you.

546
00:31:33.820 --> 00:31:38.500
Heart change equals lasting life change, long-term change.

547
00:31:38.820 --> 00:31:42.380
So the more that you heal, this is why it's also going to be different.

548
00:31:42.740 --> 00:31:44.400
Your heart is going to be changing.

549
00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:45.380
Okay.

550
00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:49.600
And then hopefully as that's happening from the inside out, remember, we're not

551
00:31:49.600 --> 00:31:51.720
asking for short-term behavioral change.

552
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:56.520
We're, we're encouraging you all to seek revealing for healing so that you can

553
00:31:57.500 --> 00:32:00.000
encounter lasting long-term change.

554
00:32:00.180 --> 00:32:04.020
And then that real and lasting change is a process, right?

555
00:32:04.020 --> 00:32:05.540
We can't skip the process.

556
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:09.800
And so I love to, I said something this afternoon, the ladies were enjoying it.

557
00:32:09.820 --> 00:32:14.300
So I'm going to bring it up again tonight, but, um, we got to choose to

558
00:32:14.300 --> 00:32:17.520
step out of the alignment with the microwave culture and the mentalities

559
00:32:17.520 --> 00:32:20.940
of everything has to happen super quick, or it's just not God.

560
00:32:20.940 --> 00:32:24.760
And so I said, yeah, it's kind of like we pull up in a drive-thru and

561
00:32:24.760 --> 00:32:26.360
we're like, get on in spirit mate.

562
00:32:26.520 --> 00:32:28.780
You know, we just want it to be quick.

563
00:32:29.980 --> 00:32:35.460
And then we want to just go and you all, it's just not really like that.

564
00:32:35.840 --> 00:32:40.920
It's not, I wanted the Amazon man or UPS man to just show up at

565
00:32:40.920 --> 00:32:42.540
my door and be my spirit mate.

566
00:32:42.740 --> 00:32:43.180
I did.

567
00:32:43.700 --> 00:32:45.720
I prayed that prayer literally.

568
00:32:46.460 --> 00:32:50.160
And because I didn't want to online date again, cause it didn't go well the first

569
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:52.040
time, that's how I met my spiritual daughter's dad.

570
00:32:52.140 --> 00:32:55.060
And so I just decided they're all going to be bad like that, which they're

571
00:32:55.860 --> 00:32:59.920
not, um, testament to that because I did end up doing online dating and that's

572
00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:02.820
how I met my husband and God redeemed all that praise the Lord.

573
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:08.620
Um, but yeah, I didn't even really, um, enjoy like thinking

574
00:33:08.620 --> 00:33:10.080
about dating in person either.

575
00:33:10.500 --> 00:33:17.280
Um, you know, I was in bootcamp when COVID happened and I was

576
00:33:17.280 --> 00:33:18.640
kind of teasing this afternoon.

577
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:23.320
Can y'all imagine like, you know, everybody was still wearing masks

578
00:33:24.040 --> 00:33:27.000
and, and everyone was afraid.

579
00:33:27.400 --> 00:33:32.320
And like, I just kept thinking, how am I ever going to like, I want to date like

580
00:33:32.320 --> 00:33:37.080
this, this is, and so I waited to date and I'm really glad I did, um, a little

581
00:33:37.080 --> 00:33:41.840
longer because thankfully, you know, things opened up more and not everybody,

582
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:43.960
you know, you could be out in public without a mask.

583
00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:47.560
And so all that awkwardness wasn't there.

584
00:33:47.560 --> 00:33:52.480
Um, by the time I was dating, but I was just thinking about how, how much that

585
00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:54.740
impacted so many people during that time.

586
00:33:55.120 --> 00:33:57.700
And maybe some of you, it did as well.

587
00:33:57.900 --> 00:34:01.700
And so I would encourage you that if there's any broken

588
00:34:01.740 --> 00:34:03.840
promises, even from that time.

589
00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:07.720
I feel like the years of COVID, the enemy really tried to come in and just

590
00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:12.719
take a bunch of stuff from us that we didn't even know he was taken, but praise

591
00:34:12.719 --> 00:34:14.340
the Lord, God's a God of restitution.

592
00:34:14.340 --> 00:34:18.440
And so God is coming in to restore even the things that we didn't know were

593
00:34:18.440 --> 00:34:21.580
getting taken in those silent moments, if you will.

594
00:34:23.159 --> 00:34:26.880
And so, um, I'm going to pass it over to Annette now.

595
00:34:26.940 --> 00:34:28.199
I would love for her to share.

596
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:32.300
And if you feel like your voice can handle it, of course, um, share what God

597
00:34:32.300 --> 00:34:34.020
has put on your heart tonight for the ladies.

598
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:36.080
Sure.

599
00:34:36.080 --> 00:34:36.600
No problem.

600
00:34:36.679 --> 00:34:41.840
As long as everybody can stand my deep, sexy voice, my husband has a

601
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:43.199
little bit of a higher voice.

602
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:47.199
So I've asked him what it's like to have somebody in his life, whose

603
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:50.480
voice is deeper than his as a wife.

604
00:34:51.500 --> 00:34:57.180
Um, one of the things that came up for me, actually, I had done my heart work.

605
00:34:58.020 --> 00:34:59.980
And, um, I had.

606
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.160
met a gentleman at church who pursued me, who asked for my number, um, even though he was 10

607
00:35:08.160 --> 00:35:13.220
years younger than me. And at first I said, no, then I was like, okay, God, I'm going to be open.

608
00:35:13.740 --> 00:35:21.980
And I felt like I opened the door of my heart. We went on some dates and it seemed to be progressing.

609
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:32.000
Uh, and I thought, this is it. This is it. I know this is it. And then one night he called and said

610
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:37.520
he wanted to have a conversation with me and he started talking about love. And I was like,

611
00:35:37.520 --> 00:35:44.540
oh my gosh, like he loves me. And then he ended the conversation with, so I've been

612
00:35:44.540 --> 00:35:51.240
thinking about the different kinds of love. And I think I love you like a sister. And I was like,

613
00:35:52.220 --> 00:36:00.320
what? You've taken me out on dates. We've prayed together. You felt like this was going

614
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:06.640
in a good direction, like all of these things. And then, uh, then you say that we're,

615
00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:14.320
I'm like a sister that was difficult for me to hear. And I did feel like God had been opening

616
00:36:14.500 --> 00:36:19.540
the doors along the way in the relationship. We weren't rushing through anything. We were taking

617
00:36:19.540 --> 00:36:24.140
our time. People at church were starting to find out that we were spending time together

618
00:36:24.360 --> 00:36:30.900
and they were very encouraging and excited. And so I kind of felt like I had carrot cake is one

619
00:36:30.900 --> 00:36:36.380
of my favorites. And so I kind of felt like I had this carrot cake in front of me that I was ready.

620
00:36:36.500 --> 00:36:44.880
I had the fork ready, like, let's go. And all of a sudden it's gone. And I, I struggled with that

621
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:52.160
for a while. Um, but then as they always say, hindsight is 2020. I really, even though my

622
00:36:53.080 --> 00:36:57.620
feelings weren't there, I was speaking God's truth over it, that I was God defended,

623
00:36:57.860 --> 00:37:03.960
God protected, but I'd vacillate back and forth between that. And okay, God changes heart,

624
00:37:03.980 --> 00:37:09.620
help him to see, you know, that I'm not like a sister, but you know, I could be this great wife

625
00:37:09.620 --> 00:37:20.080
and his two boys loved me and anyway. Um, but what I can say is God really worked in my heart

626
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:26.820
to completely surrender it to him, to let him be the one who makes the decision because he knows

627
00:37:26.820 --> 00:37:35.560
more than I do. He knows what I need, how to, where I'm at and how to get it to me. And, um,

628
00:37:36.200 --> 00:37:41.120
and so that really opened the door for me to learn how to trust that,

629
00:37:41.140 --> 00:37:47.240
even when things didn't turn out the way that I thought that they were going to turn out. Um,

630
00:37:48.580 --> 00:37:55.380
and my example of how God sees you knows where you are and how to get it to you. When,

631
00:37:56.140 --> 00:38:05.540
when I was praying like, okay, God, what kind of example do you want me to give? The thing that

632
00:38:08.700 --> 00:38:13.000
I, it's, it's crazy. I was getting ready to go to Switzerland actually on a trip.

633
00:38:13.620 --> 00:38:20.600
So I was looking through the Nordstrom, uh, online for something and I came across this dress and I

634
00:38:20.600 --> 00:38:33.220
was like, Oh, Oh, that's really pretty. I like the classic. I like, and it was $198. I was like,

635
00:38:33.220 --> 00:38:38.760
okay, you're not dating anybody. You're not getting a dress. This is crazy. You're not

636
00:38:38.760 --> 00:38:45.100
buying a dress. So, you know, I clicked on to the other things and that dress kept coming up in my

637
00:38:45.100 --> 00:38:51.920
mind and up in my mind and up in my mind. So I ordered the dress thinking it's Nordstrom.

638
00:38:52.420 --> 00:38:59.700
You can take anything back as long as you keep the tags on it. So I ordered it and it came when

639
00:38:59.700 --> 00:39:04.680
I was gone in Switzerland. And I asked my sister, I said, I've got something coming.

640
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:11.860
Will you please pick it up for me while I'm gone? Um, and I think I had gone out with Arthur.

641
00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:18.860
We had met for our first date before I left, but I had ordered the dress even just like,

642
00:39:19.080 --> 00:39:25.720
I think a couple of weeks before we had our date. And, um, my sister picked it up.

643
00:39:25.720 --> 00:39:31.500
She calls me in Switzerland and she said, is there something that I need to know? Cause this

644
00:39:31.500 --> 00:39:36.720
looks like a wedding dress. I'm like, I know, I know my sister's not a believer. And I said,

645
00:39:36.840 --> 00:39:43.460
you're just, I just really liked the dress. And so I bought the dress, just don't read into this.

646
00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:49.440
So I bought it and put it in the back of my closet. I did try it on of course, when it arrived

647
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:58.520
and it fit perfect, like perfect. My sister wanted to see it on me since she knew I had bought it.

648
00:39:58.900 --> 00:39:59.980
And she was like,

649
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.000
Wow, that fits you perfect. Like you don't have to do anything to that. And I was kind of like,

650
00:40:07.080 --> 00:40:11.960
yeah, I said, I don't know when I'll need it. So I put it in the back of my closet.

651
00:40:12.940 --> 00:40:17.920
And I don't know if any of you are aware or not, but Arthur and I eloped,

652
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:27.240
we didn't plan a big wedding. And we kind of decided, short notice, not that I was into

653
00:40:27.240 --> 00:40:34.900
microwave things, but we just decided that he had a trip that he had to use at the Dominican

654
00:40:34.980 --> 00:40:41.040
Republic. And we decided that we, because he has family in LA, he was raised in Canada,

655
00:40:41.200 --> 00:40:46.360
I have family in Washington. We were just trying to think through all of that. And we're like,

656
00:40:46.820 --> 00:40:53.960
okay, let's just go to the Dominican Republic or get married when we're there. So we planned,

657
00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:59.440
we planned it for then. And he turned to me one day and he goes,

658
00:41:00.660 --> 00:41:05.400
okay, well, you don't have very much time. You need to go find a dress. And I was like,

659
00:41:07.560 --> 00:41:20.320
let me tell you a story. And I already had the dress that was perfect for a beach wedding on

660
00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:26.180
short notice. And if you would have told me that I was going to get married on the beach,

661
00:41:26.180 --> 00:41:33.240
I would have said, nah, no, I'm a mountain kind of girl. It'll be in the mountains or it'll be like

662
00:41:33.240 --> 00:41:40.540
outdoors on something that's mountain-like. And I would not have done anything different.

663
00:41:40.660 --> 00:41:46.540
And I just have this picture in my mind of even before I knew I needed the dress,

664
00:41:47.140 --> 00:41:54.660
Papa God was like, I've got it for you. I've got one for you. It's covered for $198.

665
00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:04.900
So that's my God knowing what I needed, even when I didn't know it, he had already supplied it

666
00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:11.260
before. So I hope that gives you guys encouragement and hope he really does see you.

667
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:15.340
And he really does know what you need more than what you know yourself.

668
00:42:16.080 --> 00:42:21.880
That's so good. I love this reminder. I forgot you bought your dress before you got married to

669
00:42:21.880 --> 00:42:26.600
you all. I did too. I ended up wearing a totally different dress though. I ended up buying a

670
00:42:26.600 --> 00:42:33.360
totally different dress, but I bought my wedding as my first wedding dress. When I was at the

671
00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:38.940
Austin retreat in 2021, as an activation by faith, I literally wasn't dating anyone,

672
00:42:38.940 --> 00:42:44.780
but God told me to buy a dress. And instead of buying the white dress I wanted to buy because

673
00:42:45.340 --> 00:42:50.720
God all in my head and told me I wasn't allowed to wear white again. And I believed him that day.

674
00:42:50.780 --> 00:42:56.640
So I bought the other dress and it's pretty, it's still in my closet now, but it wasn't the dress

675
00:42:56.640 --> 00:43:04.620
that I wanted. And so praise the Lord this time around, I got to go dress shopping with Brian's

676
00:43:04.620 --> 00:43:10.820
mom and his two sisters. And it was a really lovely, lovely, lovely day. I didn't even have

677
00:43:10.820 --> 00:43:16.620
that the first time around when I got married. And so just want you all to know like everything

678
00:43:16.620 --> 00:43:22.500
in that is saying like, God is very intentional and he will lovingly like lead you and guide you.

679
00:43:23.060 --> 00:43:28.900
He'll provide things for you. It's all again about perspective and heart posture. What is God,

680
00:43:29.100 --> 00:43:32.640
what's happening in your heart? What do you believe? Where, where did the lies need filtered

681
00:43:32.640 --> 00:43:37.580
out? And so as we're getting ready for the breakout session, I want you all to think about

682
00:43:37.580 --> 00:43:40.880
this question. This is a different question than what you're going to answer in the breakout,

683
00:43:41.140 --> 00:43:45.340
but I want you to write this down and be praying about that, praying about it this week.

684
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:52.540
This is what the question is. Where do you currently need an upgrade in your understanding

685
00:43:53.020 --> 00:44:01.380
of God's care for you? Where do you currently need an upgrade in your understanding of God's

686
00:44:01.380 --> 00:44:06.780
care for you? And if you don't know the answer to that question, it's okay. You can say, Lord,

687
00:44:07.580 --> 00:44:13.820
I need your help. Can you show me where I need an upgrade in my understanding of your care for me?

688
00:44:14.320 --> 00:44:20.180
And one of the things that you can do to kind of figure that out is, you know, where are you stuck?

689
00:44:20.460 --> 00:44:25.400
Where are the lies, you know, that you're hearing when something good starts happening? Do you start

690
00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:30.260
believing that the other shoe is going to drop eventually, that this is never going to last? And

691
00:44:30.260 --> 00:44:34.380
you know, then you're looking at those lies and then you unpack it backwards.

692
00:44:35.880 --> 00:44:41.680
And so you want to listen to that and allow God to help you. Okay. Is there any broken promise

693
00:44:41.680 --> 00:44:47.300
that I believe in there? You know, that's kind of filtered in there somewhere. Okay. All right. So

694
00:44:47.300 --> 00:44:51.020
when you go out into the breakout sessions tonight, and that's totally fine, Lisa, I see that

695
00:44:51.020 --> 00:44:56.540
you're still in transit. Just don't accept the request when it pops up. Reminder for everybody,

696
00:44:56.540 --> 00:44:59.980
if you get in a room and somebody's not there, just wait for a sec. I'll move people.

697
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.960
around okay as quickly as I can. Sometimes I wait to see who's going into the rooms and stuff.

698
00:45:06.640 --> 00:45:12.440
Let me your question is this for breakout session. When was a time someone broke a promise

699
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:19.220
they made to you and how is it still affecting you today? When was a time someone broke a promise

700
00:45:19.220 --> 00:45:27.960
they made to you and how is it still affecting you today? All right and I'm giving you all

701
00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:32.060
seven minutes so it should be a good amount of time. I have pretty much a couple groups

702
00:45:32.060 --> 00:45:37.280
have three people but most of the groups have two. All right here you go. Go ahead and click

703
00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:44.840
those to join as quick as you can. As soon as I get people situated I can pray while they're in

704
00:45:55.480 --> 00:45:56.880
there.

705
00:45:58.740 --> 00:45:58.760
I

706
00:46:32.080 --> 00:46:40.600
think I've gotten pretty much everybody.

707
00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:47.520
Father, thank you so much for this night. God, thank you for everything that you're doing.

708
00:46:48.820 --> 00:46:53.040
God, I pray that you would just continue to guide every one of these ladies into all truth,

709
00:46:53.040 --> 00:46:57.380
that you would anoint us for all of our lives and walk and calling, and that you would lead us

710
00:46:57.380 --> 00:47:02.140
deeper into Jesus tonight. God, help us to have a deeper understanding of your love,

711
00:47:02.380 --> 00:47:07.320
the abundance and the overflow of all of your heart towards us, God, your goodness.

712
00:47:07.880 --> 00:47:13.860
God, I thank you that you would help us to recognize areas where the enemy has been lying

713
00:47:13.860 --> 00:47:19.520
to us, is lying to us, where we are partnering with those lies and we're walking them out in

714
00:47:19.520 --> 00:47:26.120
the day to day of our everyday lives. Lord, help us to not only recognize those, but to cast those

715
00:47:26.120 --> 00:47:30.920
lies down, to allow you to come in and heal those areas so that we can step further into the

716
00:47:31.040 --> 00:47:36.460
abundant life that you have for us. Psalm 139, 13 through 16 in the NLT says this,

717
00:47:36.820 --> 00:47:41.440
you made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.

718
00:47:41.860 --> 00:47:48.200
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous. How well I know it.

719
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:54.020
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion. As I was woven together in the dark

720
00:47:54.020 --> 00:48:00.360
of the womb, you saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

721
00:48:01.120 --> 00:48:06.020
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Nari, did you get kicked out of the room?

722
00:48:07.140 --> 00:48:10.660
Um, I was matched with Annette, but her audio wasn't working.

723
00:48:11.080 --> 00:48:14.060
She tried to fix it, so we just both left the room.

724
00:48:14.200 --> 00:48:15.740
Okay, let me put you in another room.

725
00:48:15.940 --> 00:48:17.220
Okay, thank you.

726
00:48:20.020 --> 00:48:20.500
You're welcome.

727
00:48:21.860 --> 00:48:23.780
All right, that should be up there for you.

728
00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:30.680
Okay, Father, thank you so much for just continuing to always help people work

729
00:48:30.680 --> 00:48:35.000
through the tech issues. I pray that you'd be with Annette as she's trying to figure that out.

730
00:48:35.160 --> 00:48:39.960
That can be really, you know, like a lot of stress in that. So Lord, we just ask for peace

731
00:48:40.180 --> 00:48:45.100
to be in her midst. And Lord, we just thank you for reminding us tonight that you have made,

732
00:48:45.820 --> 00:48:50.300
you know, all things perfect in your time that you've created us fearfully and wonderfully made.

733
00:48:50.380 --> 00:48:55.480
You've given us an abundance of your blessings. Hi, Annette. I know I see that you're trying to

734
00:48:55.660 --> 00:49:02.060
out audio. You can stay here if that's less stressful for you for tonight. Yeah. And then

735
00:49:02.680 --> 00:49:09.220
I always pro tip, if you're not sure why it's not working, you know, maybe have someone,

736
00:49:09.980 --> 00:49:14.080
well, first make sure you have the most updated version of Zoom when you log out tonight,

737
00:49:14.240 --> 00:49:19.720
because sometimes that can cause issues in the audio. But if you continue to have trouble,

738
00:49:20.080 --> 00:49:24.860
I've used the Geek Squad from Best Buy before to have them help me fix things.

739
00:49:24.860 --> 00:49:30.700
And it's worth it because it's so like it helps minimize stress for me. So not that you have to

740
00:49:30.700 --> 00:49:35.580
do that. But it was just something that I find very, very helpful. And then I just eliminates

741
00:49:35.580 --> 00:49:43.360
all that stress factor. Yeah. So as I'm just praying, I just there's this other scripture

742
00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:48.420
that I felt led to read over you all tonight. And it's from Matthew 5, 14 through 16 in the

743
00:49:48.420 --> 00:49:53.420
message translation. And this is what it says. Here's another way to put it. You're here to be

744
00:49:53.420 --> 00:49:57.580
bringing out the God colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept.

745
00:49:58.120 --> 00:49:59.980
We're going public with this as public

746
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.780
as a city on a hill. If I make you light bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a

747
00:50:05.780 --> 00:50:11.240
bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop on a

748
00:50:11.240 --> 00:50:18.040
light stand, shine. Keep open house. Be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll

749
00:50:18.040 --> 00:50:25.200
prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. And I love that because it's

750
00:50:25.320 --> 00:50:30.480
talking about keeping open house. And I want you all to be thinking about, you know, keeping your

751
00:50:30.480 --> 00:50:36.360
hearts open for the healing that God wants to do and is doing. Keeping your hearts open to love

752
00:50:36.800 --> 00:50:43.360
instead of shutting down and going into isolation or withdrawal. But turning more towards the

753
00:50:43.360 --> 00:50:48.580
blessing and the color of life. You know, all the beauty and the wonder that is all around us that

754
00:50:48.580 --> 00:50:54.400
sometimes can get really dolled down when we go through grief and pain. But God is wanting to

755
00:50:54.400 --> 00:51:00.440
reawaken all of your senses. And so I just want to pray over that as that came up in my spirit.

756
00:51:00.440 --> 00:51:06.000
Lord, I just thank you so much for tonight. As you're restoring God, just even the reminder of

757
00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:12.660
how good you are in people's hearts, minds, bodies, spirits, and souls. God, that you would just

758
00:51:12.660 --> 00:51:18.840
awaken their senses, God, not only to hear you more clearly, to sense you all around them, in front of

759
00:51:20.060 --> 00:51:25.940
God, but to literally enable them to see color differently, to see the world differently, to see

760
00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:30.560
people around them through your eyes instead of the pain of their past. God, we thank you that

761
00:51:30.560 --> 00:51:35.160
you would help them to hear what your spirit is saying to them and over them louder than any voice

762
00:51:35.160 --> 00:51:40.420
of the enemy. We thank you that as they like even experience, you know, like what it makes me think

763
00:51:40.420 --> 00:51:45.840
of is sometimes when I walk by trees or flowers, sometimes I just like to touch them just to

764
00:51:45.840 --> 00:51:51.240
experience how they feel because that connects with my senses. And that's something that I learned

765
00:51:51.240 --> 00:51:56.820
a long time ago. And there are actual studies, you all, that even taking our shoes off and walking

766
00:51:56.820 --> 00:52:00.580
in the grass. Now, some of you all, it's getting cold where you are, so you probably don't want to

767
00:52:00.580 --> 00:52:06.420
do that. But if you're somewhere warm, you know, I'm not going to get into the science of it, but

768
00:52:06.420 --> 00:52:11.220
like you all can look it up. It's called grounding. Like there's so much power in what God

769
00:52:11.220 --> 00:52:17.100
created in the earth. And when we connect with it, you know, maybe for you, it's being beside a stream

770
00:52:17.100 --> 00:52:21.580
or a river and just sitting there and allowing the peace of God to flow into you as you hear

771
00:52:22.000 --> 00:52:27.560
that stream. But again, that's like your hearing sense, right? You hear that. And then what happens

772
00:52:27.560 --> 00:52:33.440
is sometimes we start to feel it, we experience it. And so I want to encourage you all to really

773
00:52:33.440 --> 00:52:38.420
see that God is a good father who has given us a lot of the really amazing, beautiful things

774
00:52:38.420 --> 00:52:46.740
around us to experience and awaken life within us and how important that is to him. And you know,

775
00:52:47.860 --> 00:52:53.120
part of dreaming again and awakening to the promises of God is awakening in your senses.

776
00:52:53.280 --> 00:52:56.900
That's why I'm trying to make that connection tonight for you all. And so I want to encourage

777
00:52:56.900 --> 00:53:03.380
you to really partner with that more and more in the days ahead. Romans 8, 17 says this,

778
00:53:03.540 --> 00:53:09.660
And since we are his true children, we qualify to share all his treasures for indeed we are heirs

779
00:53:09.660 --> 00:53:16.020
of God himself. And since we are joined to Christ, we also inherit all that he is and all that he has.

780
00:53:16.460 --> 00:53:21.860
We will experience being co-glorified with him, provided that we accept his sufferings as our own.

781
00:53:22.060 --> 00:53:28.740
We are heirs of God himself. So everything that is his is ours. I was saying this afternoon,

782
00:53:28.740 --> 00:53:34.720
welcome back everyone, that just the reminder that, you know, the doorway was open through

783
00:53:34.720 --> 00:53:42.040
Jesus Christ, you all, to the father. And so the door is always open to us. The door to the father

784
00:53:42.040 --> 00:53:49.540
is always open to us. And I likened it to like, sometimes I think we view God as like a shopkeeper

785
00:53:49.540 --> 00:53:54.300
and sometimes we're going up and we want to go in the shop and they're like, oh, store's closed,

786
00:53:54.300 --> 00:53:59.060
you know, and they put the sign up and we like feel blocked out. And some of us think that's

787
00:53:59.060 --> 00:54:03.960
how God is. Like we're walking up to the door because we want to go in and talk to him or we

788
00:54:03.960 --> 00:54:08.580
want to receive something. And we believe he's putting the sign up being like, oh, closed for

789
00:54:08.520 --> 00:54:13.640
business. And that isn't true. And so we really want to look at even things like that. You might

790
00:54:13.640 --> 00:54:19.460
think, well, I don't know if I've ever thought that exactly, but in your heart, are you subconsciously

791
00:54:19.460 --> 00:54:25.200
that God doesn't want to hear from you? Like when you approach him, do you believe that he

792
00:54:25.200 --> 00:54:30.800
wants to hear from you, that he likes to hear from you? Or do you believe that you're a bother

793
00:54:31.800 --> 00:54:36.600
to him or other people? Do you see how this all kind of plays together? All right. I'm going to

794
00:54:36.600 --> 00:54:41.000
go over your activations for this week, and then we'll go to those that are willing to share with

795
00:54:41.000 --> 00:54:47.840
the group. So this week, your activation is called Never Will I Ever List. Last week, someone asked

796
00:54:47.840 --> 00:54:52.320
if they had already done this, do they have to do this again? Nope. If you've already done it,

797
00:54:52.360 --> 00:54:56.520
you don't have to do it again. But if you've heard me say this before and you haven't done it yet,

798
00:54:56.760 --> 00:54:59.980
please go ahead and do that this time around. If you're hearing this for the

799
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.440
First time would love for you all to pray about this and work on on this for this week. I'm going to explain it to you

800
00:55:06.980 --> 00:55:11.880
Okay, there's a difference this is really important between god non-negotiables

801
00:55:12.180 --> 00:55:19.480
And your never will I ever list a god non-negotiable. I'll tell you two of mine that were they were my top two

802
00:55:19.780 --> 00:55:22.080
The person needed to love god

803
00:55:23.060 --> 00:55:25.740
Not just with their words the here's the kicker

804
00:55:25.740 --> 00:55:33.140
They needed to buy their actions because my ex-husband and my spiritual daughter's dad both went to church

805
00:55:33.600 --> 00:55:37.920
Both, you know helped in ministry stuff, but they were not walking the talk

806
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:38.340
Okay

807
00:55:38.400 --> 00:55:43.660
and so I wanted to see that they walked in the fruits of the spirit and that they were kind men and they were

808
00:55:43.800 --> 00:55:50.200
You know generous and faithful and all the things. Okay, so that was number one god non-negotiable for me number two

809
00:55:50.280 --> 00:55:52.260
Is they needed to?

810
00:55:52.820 --> 00:55:53.900
Um want to have more children?

811
00:55:54.600 --> 00:55:58.820
Because that is something that I wanted and I was not willing to budge on that again

812
00:55:58.820 --> 00:56:00.660
Because i'd been through that with my ex-husband

813
00:56:01.160 --> 00:56:07.120
And uh in other relationship conversations before people reneging like I said going and changing their mind

814
00:56:07.140 --> 00:56:12.160
Okay, those were god non-negotiables. Okay from heaven. Those were things that I really felt like god

815
00:56:12.380 --> 00:56:19.900
Yet was saying yes on those obviously god, you know people loving the lord being number one. He's like yes all in on that one

816
00:56:20.900 --> 00:56:24.580
But here's the never will I ever i'm going to give you all some different examples

817
00:56:25.860 --> 00:56:27.540
Um, never will I ever date?

818
00:56:28.420 --> 00:56:32.760
Blank because of blank. Okay, so we're going to fill those in and you might have something different

819
00:56:32.760 --> 00:56:35.900
But i'm going to give you some examples of things that we hear a lot of

820
00:56:36.720 --> 00:56:39.580
Never will I ever date a man who has been divorced?

821
00:56:40.520 --> 00:56:41.000
because

822
00:56:41.180 --> 00:56:44.920
Whatever your reason never will I ever date a man who has kids?

823
00:56:45.540 --> 00:56:46.020
because

824
00:56:46.420 --> 00:56:48.340
Never will I ever date a man?

825
00:56:48.340 --> 00:56:51.140
Um that doesn't have any money because

826
00:56:51.440 --> 00:56:54.460
I told the ladies this afternoon, you know, here's the thing

827
00:56:54.460 --> 00:56:59.260
We don't want you to date people that just aren't good with money and they just mishandle money

828
00:56:59.260 --> 00:57:03.080
okay, ladies, so I think that's super important for you to understand but

829
00:57:03.940 --> 00:57:10.760
There are there are different situations and dynamics in people's lives and we should be careful to not judge like and be like

830
00:57:10.760 --> 00:57:11.680
Oh, they have debt

831
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:15.560
You know, even if you have gone through getting out of debt

832
00:57:15.560 --> 00:57:22.340
Some people have been working on it. But like my husband went to school for years and years and years

833
00:57:22.340 --> 00:57:25.240
He has his mdiv. He's went to lots of schooling

834
00:57:25.560 --> 00:57:29.920
And y'all it wasn't inexpensive. So he's been paying on that for a long time

835
00:57:29.920 --> 00:57:34.820
And so one of the conversations we had to have before we got married was am I willing?

836
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:37.300
to take on his debt

837
00:57:38.800 --> 00:57:39.920
To be with him

838
00:57:40.480 --> 00:57:45.440
That's that's a conversation we had but hey you all i'm so glad I didn't say no

839
00:57:46.520 --> 00:57:47.540
Because you know what?

840
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:50.340
I believed and then this is what I told him

841
00:57:50.340 --> 00:57:54.500
When I knew that god was leading me to be with him. I just started talking to him

842
00:57:54.500 --> 00:57:58.060
I believe god wants to supernaturally provide us to uh pay off that debt

843
00:57:58.060 --> 00:58:02.140
I just because he he would say things we're going to be paying on this the rest of our lives

844
00:58:02.140 --> 00:58:06.020
I'm, like don't you dare say that no like anymore. Don't let that come out of your mouth

845
00:58:06.020 --> 00:58:12.140
We're going to believe for supernatural provision and you all this last year. We had someone give us uh,

846
00:58:12.140 --> 00:58:12.860
$72,000

847
00:58:14.200 --> 00:58:16.800
Yep, it really did happen. It really did

848
00:58:17.220 --> 00:58:19.440
And we paid off a ton of debt. So

849
00:58:19.980 --> 00:58:20.740
you all

850
00:58:21.380 --> 00:58:24.780
Yes, if they're not good with money, I think you should pay attention to that

851
00:58:24.780 --> 00:58:27.960
But brian was really good with money when I met him. He had a plan

852
00:58:28.100 --> 00:58:31.580
He was paying down his debt and he was committed to it

853
00:58:31.700 --> 00:58:33.740
That sounds like a pretty good person, right?

854
00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:37.960
Yep, but if I had gotten all hung up on oh my gosh, he has debt

855
00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:42.520
Then that could have been a problem and I could have missed that now you all will make your own decisions

856
00:58:42.520 --> 00:58:45.240
But i'm just planting some seeds for you. Here's another one

857
00:58:46.240 --> 00:58:50.640
Never will I ever date someone i'm not very sexually attracted to

858
00:58:51.620 --> 00:58:56.140
Okay, I put this one in here because we have a lot of ladies that are like

859
00:58:56.740 --> 00:59:02.320
I just don't think i'm attracted to him at all everybody in this world people even christians

860
00:59:02.600 --> 00:59:06.320
They want to feel all the fireworks on the first date

861
00:59:06.580 --> 00:59:10.920
And you know i'm not trying to say you shouldn't want, you know butterflies or all the things

862
00:59:10.920 --> 00:59:12.600
But here's the reality

863
00:59:13.920 --> 00:59:17.560
If you're feeling super sexually charged on a first date

864
00:59:18.160 --> 00:59:20.000
Guess what is behind that?

865
00:59:20.420 --> 00:59:22.100
It's called a spirit of lust

866
00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:23.400
Okay

867
00:59:24.220 --> 00:59:24.820
truth

868
00:59:25.040 --> 00:59:26.160
truth statement

869
00:59:26.320 --> 00:59:33.220
And so you need to understand that that may not even be the best connection for you if somebody else is also very

870
00:59:33.220 --> 00:59:36.720
Sexually charged and they're just wanting to you know, oh

871
00:59:36.720 --> 00:59:40.240
Just wanting to be with you. You're the one and you know, no

872
00:59:41.200 --> 00:59:41.680
Okay

873
00:59:41.820 --> 00:59:43.480
Back up, bro

874
00:59:44.680 --> 00:59:50.360
Y'all don't want that you don't want that that might have been what you used to attract but that isn't what god has for you

875
00:59:50.840 --> 00:59:55.740
Okay, and again when I say this that doesn't mean you're not going to be attracted to your spirit mate

876
00:59:56.120 --> 00:59:59.840
What i'm talking about right now is allowing lust

877
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.360
to drive your decision.

878
01:00:02.260 --> 01:00:02.500
Okay?

879
01:00:03.280 --> 01:00:03.920
All right.

880
01:00:04.740 --> 01:00:09.060
Never will I ever date a pastor or someone in ministry

881
01:00:09.360 --> 01:00:11.020
because of this.

882
01:00:11.580 --> 01:00:14.580
Never will I ever date or marry someone

883
01:00:14.580 --> 01:00:17.060
that's in the military, police officers, firefighters,

884
01:00:17.280 --> 01:00:18.260
whatever the role is.

885
01:00:18.340 --> 01:00:21.140
Some people, you know, they don't wanna date

886
01:00:21.140 --> 01:00:22.160
or marry an engineer.

887
01:00:22.280 --> 01:00:22.940
It just depends.

888
01:00:23.140 --> 01:00:24.320
Everybody's different, you all.

889
01:00:25.040 --> 01:00:28.040
Never will I ever date or marry someone

890
01:00:28.040 --> 01:00:31.680
that has the name John, Rick, fill in the blank.

891
01:00:31.980 --> 01:00:35.560
This one also is very real for me, you all.

892
01:00:36.800 --> 01:00:39.600
I didn't even know that I had this never will I ever

893
01:00:40.300 --> 01:00:43.160
until I encountered Brian and started dating him.

894
01:00:43.180 --> 01:00:45.380
And it didn't even occur to me for whatever,

895
01:00:45.500 --> 01:00:47.600
I think God just protected me at first, honestly.

896
01:00:49.060 --> 01:00:52.220
But as I got to, you know, really like him more,

897
01:00:52.220 --> 01:00:54.300
like, oh, I think this is going somewhere,

898
01:00:54.300 --> 01:00:56.960
all of a sudden I realized, like, oh,

899
01:00:57.540 --> 01:01:00.180
he has the same name as my brother,

900
01:01:01.600 --> 01:01:04.440
my brother who was my main abuser.

901
01:01:06.640 --> 01:01:08.660
And I was like, God, really?

902
01:01:08.720 --> 01:01:11.460
Like, why does he have to have the name Brian?

903
01:01:13.800 --> 01:01:15.480
And you know what God told me?

904
01:01:15.820 --> 01:01:18.820
He said, because I wanna redeem the name Brian for you.

905
01:01:21.420 --> 01:01:23.020
God's in the redeeming business.

906
01:01:23.020 --> 01:01:24.380
And now it's kind of comical.

907
01:01:24.740 --> 01:01:27.120
So I have Pastor Brian as my husband,

908
01:01:27.860 --> 01:01:31.520
my brother-in-law through Brian's family is Farmer Brian.

909
01:01:33.180 --> 01:01:34.680
Y'all, I'm not making this up.

910
01:01:34.700 --> 01:01:36.900
And then my brother is Teacher Brian.

911
01:01:37.240 --> 01:01:39.880
And so I have three Brians in my life now

912
01:01:39.880 --> 01:01:41.900
and God has been reconciling things.

913
01:01:42.020 --> 01:01:44.160
I mean, I don't spend a lot of time with my brother,

914
01:01:44.280 --> 01:01:46.380
but God has definitely been reconciling things

915
01:01:46.380 --> 01:01:47.800
in that relationship.

916
01:01:47.820 --> 01:01:50.340
And so now I have three Brians in my life,

917
01:01:50.340 --> 01:01:52.120
in my close circle.

918
01:01:52.120 --> 01:01:55.100
And so I'm just saying that to say,

919
01:01:55.720 --> 01:01:58.940
when I first came across Brian on the dating app,

920
01:01:59.060 --> 01:02:01.920
man, if I had just been like, yep, nope,

921
01:02:02.140 --> 01:02:04.580
you have the same name, see you later.

922
01:02:05.300 --> 01:02:07.000
Man, wouldn't that have been so bad?

923
01:02:07.160 --> 01:02:09.000
I would have missed out on so much.

924
01:02:09.620 --> 01:02:11.340
Praise the Lord that God kept that from me

925
01:02:11.340 --> 01:02:13.640
until I was further along into that,

926
01:02:14.100 --> 01:02:16.500
wanting to, hey, I think I like this guy.

927
01:02:16.520 --> 01:02:17.660
I wanna see where this is gonna go.

928
01:02:17.800 --> 01:02:19.900
And so maybe for you, it's a different name.

929
01:02:19.900 --> 01:02:22.680
Maybe it's a name that your dad had

930
01:02:22.680 --> 01:02:24.740
and your dad wasn't nice to you or whatever.

931
01:02:25.280 --> 01:02:27.000
Here's another one.

932
01:02:27.340 --> 01:02:29.720
Never will I ever date someone of a certain age

933
01:02:29.720 --> 01:02:31.360
because your ex was that age.

934
01:02:31.460 --> 01:02:33.060
We had a lady in our community

935
01:02:33.500 --> 01:02:36.480
that her ex was 14 years older than her.

936
01:02:37.060 --> 01:02:40.940
And so she met a man that was 12 years older than her.

937
01:02:41.300 --> 01:02:44.160
She really, really enjoyed this man's company.

938
01:02:44.300 --> 01:02:45.140
He was a good man,

939
01:02:45.180 --> 01:02:47.280
but she would not let herself date him

940
01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:50.040
because he was 12 years older than her

941
01:02:50.040 --> 01:02:52.100
and because of this experience with the ex.

942
01:02:52.800 --> 01:02:54.980
Over time, God ministered to her,

943
01:02:55.280 --> 01:02:57.740
spoke to her and kept nudging her to like,

944
01:02:57.860 --> 01:03:00.460
hey, this, you know, consider this.

945
01:03:00.540 --> 01:03:02.740
Y'all, they're married now, okay?

946
01:03:02.740 --> 01:03:04.180
And I'm not telling you all

947
01:03:04.180 --> 01:03:05.700
that you should date someone 12 years older.

948
01:03:05.880 --> 01:03:07.220
Please don't hear what I'm not saying.

949
01:03:07.540 --> 01:03:10.540
If that's not what God is calling you to, then don't do it.

950
01:03:10.620 --> 01:03:13.540
I decided that, you know, when I prayed about it,

951
01:03:13.820 --> 01:03:16.340
I felt like my comfort zone was no more than five

952
01:03:16.340 --> 01:03:18.700
to seven years younger or older than me,

953
01:03:18.980 --> 01:03:21.160
really in the five-year zone, okay?

954
01:03:21.160 --> 01:03:22.500
Because I wanted to have kids.

955
01:03:23.280 --> 01:03:26.900
And so you all need to pray and decide for yourself

956
01:03:26.900 --> 01:03:29.960
what is that for you, but don't get so hung up in it

957
01:03:30.380 --> 01:03:32.860
that you miss someone God might have for you.

958
01:03:33.040 --> 01:03:33.900
That's what I'm saying.

959
01:03:34.320 --> 01:03:36.420
Stay open in your heart, okay?

960
01:03:37.380 --> 01:03:40.000
So I want you all to make these never will I ever list

961
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:41.280
and then put them in the group

962
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:43.460
and then we're gonna minister to you through them.

963
01:03:43.460 --> 01:03:46.360
Now, please know that you don't need to say to us,

964
01:03:46.620 --> 01:03:48.020
never will I ever date an addict.

965
01:03:48.840 --> 01:03:51.620
We don't want you to date someone who's actively an addict.

966
01:03:52.280 --> 01:03:54.680
So you don't need to say that, okay?

967
01:03:54.880 --> 01:03:57.800
You don't need to say never will I ever date someone

968
01:03:58.180 --> 01:04:02.060
who abuses drugs or who is addicted to pornography.

969
01:04:02.560 --> 01:04:04.240
We don't want you to date people

970
01:04:04.240 --> 01:04:06.140
that are actively addicted to pornography.

971
01:04:06.300 --> 01:04:08.140
Do you all hear the word that I'm putting in there?

972
01:04:09.740 --> 01:04:12.620
Actively abusing these things, okay?

973
01:04:12.620 --> 01:04:14.120
We are looking for healthy men.

974
01:04:14.440 --> 01:04:16.860
So we're not gonna encourage you to date people

975
01:04:17.240 --> 01:04:18.780
that partner in those things.

976
01:04:19.300 --> 01:04:21.280
So if you wanna put it on your list,

977
01:04:21.320 --> 01:04:23.180
we're not gonna say, oh, you put this on your list,

978
01:04:23.220 --> 01:04:24.440
but I'm just saying you don't have to.

979
01:04:24.600 --> 01:04:26.440
Those are kind of givens, okay?

980
01:04:26.720 --> 01:04:29.240
What we're trying to get at is what trauma

981
01:04:29.980 --> 01:04:31.660
and wounds have you been through

982
01:04:31.660 --> 01:04:35.260
that you made an inner vow or a never will I ever statement

983
01:04:35.260 --> 01:04:37.660
that now is sabotaging you.

984
01:04:38.200 --> 01:04:39.360
Do you see what I'm saying?

985
01:04:40.100 --> 01:04:42.440
Okay, making sure everybody's on the same page with me.

986
01:04:42.440 --> 01:04:46.040
I am so excited to hear what y'all have to say tonight.

987
01:04:46.600 --> 01:04:47.400
Yash, go ahead.

988
01:04:48.740 --> 01:04:49.340
Thanks, Bethany.

989
01:04:50.580 --> 01:04:55.300
So my story is, so I was just having a conversation

990
01:04:55.440 --> 01:04:59.700
with beautiful Sharon about the question that you gave us.

991
01:05:01.600 --> 01:05:23.480
So I think my broken promise was like an implied promise because when I was dating early in my 20s, I dated a Christian. I mean, he was young. I was young and he was actually a really nice. Godly man, but then again, he said that he cannot marry me because I am not a Christian right after a couple of years of dating.

992
01:05:23.480 --> 01:05:33.320
So I think and he also didn't understand how to pray into like for me to be surrounded by the presence of the Holy Spirit.

993
01:05:34.640 --> 01:05:41.180
So I believe that's why I didn't actually understand Christianity because for me, I was born a Buddhist.

994
01:05:41.180 --> 01:05:49.760
But then again, that relationship broke off, but I still knew that if it was Jesus who made this decision, he wouldn't hurt me.

995
01:05:49.940 --> 01:06:00.080
He wouldn't allow that. I still had that belief in my heart. So then fast forward to 30s, early 30s, I found Jesus and I've been a Christian for the past 12 years now.

996
01:06:00.640 --> 01:06:11.120
So I think that particular implied broken promise that, you know, it didn't happen and it kind of carried on to my other relationships as well.

997
01:06:11.800 --> 01:06:18.260
And then in my 30s, I dated this guy and then, you know, he was an atheist and he didn't work out so well.

998
01:06:18.320 --> 01:06:24.020
And then he moved to Canada and I moved to Hong Kong and then he kept on in touch with me as friends.

999
01:06:24.020 --> 01:06:26.980
I remember you chatting about, yeah.

1000
01:06:27.320 --> 01:06:34.220
Yeah. So then I went to Canada, found out that he was living with his girlfriend for like two years and then he didn't tell me that.

1001
01:06:34.260 --> 01:06:38.980
So then I said, OK, I blessed and then I came and then I didn't have any contact with him.

1002
01:06:39.400 --> 01:06:50.420
So then last Tuesday, so I live in Hong Kong now and I live in a regional office financial institution that has oversight of other countries in Asia as well.

1003
01:06:50.420 --> 01:07:05.660
So then last Tuesday, I'm getting a message in my office chat and from somebody in another country, but not in the same country that I'm living in, saying, hey, I joined this institution.

1004
01:07:06.020 --> 01:07:11.520
I just want to surprise you to see it was my ex who was in Canada about three months ago.

1005
01:07:11.520 --> 01:07:16.800
So he has moved to from Canada to another country in Asia.

1006
01:07:16.980 --> 01:07:23.400
And now we not only work in the same financial institution, but we are also in the same function.

1007
01:07:24.100 --> 01:07:30.180
So I might have to kind of certain for certain matters like deal with him.

1008
01:07:30.200 --> 01:07:37.240
Then I was like so flustered. And to be honest, I felt I'm going to explain to you exactly what I felt.

1009
01:07:37.240 --> 01:07:46.680
My heart started beating fast with fear, fear of being deceived again, being pressured again.

1010
01:07:46.960 --> 01:07:51.380
I mean, then I was thinking then I was just praying to God, God help me to calm down.

1011
01:07:51.500 --> 01:07:55.020
Then I was thinking, OK, this is not very healthy.

1012
01:07:55.180 --> 01:08:06.560
It's not that I'm going to pursue that. I mean, God will give me the grace to kind of keep him at bay and bless him and not like, you know, have any other contact with him other than any professional contact.

1013
01:08:06.560 --> 01:08:12.820
If I have to, even if I only if I have to, if I have the chance to get somebody else to do it, I will do that.

1014
01:08:12.900 --> 01:08:20.660
I mean, I can keep that boundary. But then again, what I felt was I didn't feel healthy because I'm in my healing process.

1015
01:08:20.680 --> 01:08:31.620
If I find someone, if I go out with someone else, I mean, after I move from Harvard, I was wondering if I get to know about their past,

1016
01:08:31.620 --> 01:08:36.160
will I be too judgmental and whether this same fear would come on?

1017
01:08:36.359 --> 01:08:41.460
Because the way my heart was beating fast in fear, I knew it was not very healthy.

1018
01:08:41.680 --> 01:08:46.700
So I'm interested to know if you have any tips. I just would be happy to pray.

1019
01:08:46.840 --> 01:08:51.300
Are you asking me how I would recommend you navigate this dynamic with this guy?

1020
01:08:52.279 --> 01:08:57.540
Not this guy and also in future more than this guy.

1021
01:08:58.060 --> 01:09:06.180
How do I navigate with a new person? Because currently I'm just I'm just having this fear of being deceived, being rejected.

1022
01:09:06.620 --> 01:09:11.060
So how do I know? So number one, you need to get to the root of that lie.

1023
01:09:11.560 --> 01:09:17.680
So I actually asked one of the ladies this afternoon, you know, do you believe the lie that all men are liars?

1024
01:09:18.300 --> 01:09:24.800
You know, and really asking yourself and a lot of people be like, no, I don't I don't believe that.

1025
01:09:25.060 --> 01:09:41.160
But then at the core, somewhere along the way, they partnered with that lie that, you know, when one or two men, you know, whatever the situation was, have lied to you that you started somewhere partnering with that and you believe that all men lie.

1026
01:09:41.620 --> 01:09:46.180
It might be that you just don't trust yourself.

1027
01:09:46.180 --> 01:09:48.640
That's another thing that a lot of people struggle with.

1028
01:09:48.859 --> 01:09:57.100
If you were deceived in any way in the past by someone, there's a lot of people that struggle to think that they'll make a right decision this next time around.

1029
01:09:57.400 --> 01:09:59.980
And so growing in your security and who you are.

1030
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.000
are in Christ, growing in your confidence are going to be game changers for you.

1031
01:10:05.840 --> 01:10:09.840
You know, it sounds like you've been walking with the Lord for a while. I think staying in

1032
01:10:09.840 --> 01:10:15.320
community is another huge factor. You know, when you're off dating by yourself, trying to navigate

1033
01:10:15.320 --> 01:10:19.940
things, a lot of people get, you know, kind of in these, you know, situationships. That's what

1034
01:10:19.940 --> 01:10:25.140
we would call even this situation. This guy kept kind of luring you along while he was dating

1035
01:10:25.140 --> 01:10:29.760
someone else, but he just wanted to be friends or kind of date you or whatever was going on there.

1036
01:10:29.760 --> 01:10:35.240
It actually sounds very confusing what was going on with you two. And even now,

1037
01:10:35.240 --> 01:10:40.980
like he's messaging you, I think you need to set a boundary now. I think you need to say, hey,

1038
01:10:42.540 --> 01:10:48.200
I don't, you know, even though you work at the same institution, I mean, I think you just need

1039
01:10:48.200 --> 01:10:54.240
to say, this is, you know, we can talk about work and that is it. Yeah. I just don't think

1040
01:10:54.240 --> 01:11:01.280
this guy is a healthy person for you. It would take a lot to convince me that he is healthy to

1041
01:11:01.280 --> 01:11:08.220
be a good spirit mate match. And so really looking at, okay, Lord, do I, where do I have insecurity

1042
01:11:08.220 --> 01:11:14.140
still regarding decision-making? Are there any areas where I don't believe that I would make a

1043
01:11:14.140 --> 01:11:18.780
good decision with a spirit? Like where you're really just asking the Lord to show you what's

1044
01:11:19.420 --> 01:11:25.740
so that you can get to the core of those lies and heal there so that you can step into,

1045
01:11:26.100 --> 01:11:29.880
you know, a healthy relationship. And then one of the other things I said is you all love

1046
01:11:29.880 --> 01:11:37.640
is always a risk. Even in friendship, you know, isn't it hard when we lose a friend that we love,

1047
01:11:37.760 --> 01:11:42.900
whether they passed away or something happened in that friendship and you're just no longer friends.

1048
01:11:42.900 --> 01:11:48.620
That's hard, isn't it? But man, isn't it great when you make a new friend and you start getting

1049
01:11:48.620 --> 01:11:55.400
to know them and you really enjoy their company, same thing in relationship romantic, right? So

1050
01:11:56.000 --> 01:12:02.720
in order to experience love, we have to be willing to take a risk. And so just really

1051
01:12:04.460 --> 01:12:08.960
understanding that we're all going to have to take that risk if we want to experience

1052
01:12:08.960 --> 01:12:15.260
the blessing of love. And it doesn't mean that it's going to go bad. You can experience the

1053
01:12:15.500 --> 01:12:20.540
of love and it can continue and you can grow in that. And I mean, I'm three years in and

1054
01:12:20.540 --> 01:12:27.000
it just keeps getting better. Yeah. So those are the couple of tips I would give you for now,

1055
01:12:27.220 --> 01:12:33.300
Yash, you need to set some boundaries with that guy. And, you know, I would even encourage you to,

1056
01:12:33.300 --> 01:12:38.440
you know, do some reading on boundaries to help yourself so that you know how to do that in this

1057
01:12:38.380 --> 01:12:44.820
dynamic. But don't stray too far from the hard work, but just kind of refresh yourself on healthy

1058
01:12:44.820 --> 01:12:51.820
boundary setting a little bit, even if it's listening to a podcast by Dr. Henry Cloud is like

1059
01:12:51.820 --> 01:12:56.560
one, you know, him and Dr. Townsend are like well-known for all the boundary stuff and they

1060
01:12:56.560 --> 01:13:01.780
have phenomenal stuff. You can even go on their social media and just kind of look at his content

1061
01:13:01.780 --> 01:13:07.000
and refresh yourself. I think it'll be very helpful for you. Thank you. That's very helpful.

1062
01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:11.180
Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks for sharing. Leslie, go ahead.

1063
01:13:18.460 --> 01:13:23.980
Sorry, I think it unmuted. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Okay. Yep. I can hear you. Okay.

1064
01:13:24.060 --> 01:13:28.860
So I'm going to share. I had shared three, but I want to focus in on one,

1065
01:13:29.080 --> 01:13:36.060
which was my kids' father. My first husband spent a lot of quality time one-on-one time with me

1066
01:13:36.060 --> 01:13:44.040
before marriage. And after marriage, I had to just sort of pray because it was kind of like

1067
01:13:44.040 --> 01:13:50.280
he then was a workaholic and he didn't really have much emotional to give to me. So I felt like

1068
01:13:50.560 --> 01:13:55.960
I had a bucket with a hole in it with a lot of needs. I felt like they were a little bit excessive.

1069
01:13:56.860 --> 01:14:03.180
So I felt like God healed that. But the reason I'm bringing this one up is

1070
01:14:04.880 --> 01:14:13.580
because every, the two marriages I've been in and every guy I've dated, it's more not that I was,

1071
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:20.540
you know, yes, I want to be with this person. It was more because they were giving me attention.

1072
01:14:20.540 --> 01:14:24.740
And I feel like it's almost like a drug. Like there's a guy right now in my life.

1073
01:14:24.740 --> 01:14:33.420
I'm not dating him, but he really likes me. I can see there are massive problems, but I am,

1074
01:14:34.240 --> 01:14:40.520
it almost feels like an addiction to the attention. So how do I heal from that? Because

1075
01:14:40.520 --> 01:14:44.900
I don't want that to drive me into another bad relationship.

1076
01:14:45.720 --> 01:14:51.380
Yeah. So I can't remember if I've asked you this before, Leslie or not, but did you struggle with

1077
01:14:51.520 --> 01:14:59.700
abandonment with your parents or anything growing up? I mean, not necessarily. Mine would have been

1078
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.720
or just neglect.

1079
01:15:03.220 --> 01:15:07.900
Like my father wouldn't emotionally give me anything.

1080
01:15:09.280 --> 01:15:11.880
You know, he grew up in a very abusive home.

1081
01:15:12.060 --> 01:15:15.800
So to him, the fact that he was providing

1082
01:15:15.800 --> 01:15:21.340
a roof over our head and that he was faithful was,

1083
01:15:21.920 --> 01:15:24.140
you know, that was his job.

1084
01:15:24.780 --> 01:15:28.540
Okay, so I think too, just hearing that

1085
01:15:28.540 --> 01:15:30.060
and talking about this tonight,

1086
01:15:30.180 --> 01:15:31.560
I think you're up against not only

1087
01:15:31.560 --> 01:15:33.180
your own wound of neglect.

1088
01:15:34.200 --> 01:15:35.480
Neglect and an abandonment hang out,

1089
01:15:35.600 --> 01:15:38.280
even though your abandonment doesn't always have to mean

1090
01:15:38.280 --> 01:15:40.220
that your parents left you.

1091
01:15:40.560 --> 01:15:41.260
Do y'all know that?

1092
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:44.300
It just can mean that they're there,

1093
01:15:44.380 --> 01:15:48.360
but they emotionally never give you what you need.

1094
01:15:48.400 --> 01:15:48.760
Yeah.

1095
01:15:48.760 --> 01:15:50.220
Or physically, or, you know,

1096
01:15:50.220 --> 01:15:51.900
there's a lot of different aspects to that.

1097
01:15:51.900 --> 01:15:54.800
But abandonment and neglect hang out a lot together.

1098
01:15:55.320 --> 01:15:58.700
But one of the things I think really here tonight

1099
01:15:58.700 --> 01:16:01.500
is that what came to mind is that your dad,

1100
01:16:01.940 --> 01:16:05.480
because what he went through had the very same hole

1101
01:16:05.480 --> 01:16:06.860
that you feel like you have.

1102
01:16:07.440 --> 01:16:07.840
Yeah.

1103
01:16:07.840 --> 01:16:10.880
And I think that you're up against a generational thing here

1104
01:16:10.880 --> 01:16:12.520
and that doesn't need to scare you

1105
01:16:12.520 --> 01:16:14.760
because God is good at generational blessings

1106
01:16:14.760 --> 01:16:19.100
to redeem family timelines and lineages and legacies.

1107
01:16:19.300 --> 01:16:23.260
And so God can help you heal from the wounds of neglect

1108
01:16:23.260 --> 01:16:27.140
and the areas where you felt like, you know,

1109
01:16:27.180 --> 01:16:29.820
you were crying out for, if you will,

1110
01:16:30.160 --> 01:16:32.420
even if you didn't verbally say it,

1111
01:16:32.520 --> 01:16:34.500
but your heart and your body and everything

1112
01:16:34.500 --> 01:16:36.160
was crying out for this attention

1113
01:16:36.500 --> 01:16:38.160
and you weren't getting it.

1114
01:16:39.060 --> 01:16:42.960
So for me, I went on a journey of just really praying

1115
01:16:43.320 --> 01:16:45.600
into like growing in the father's love.

1116
01:16:45.760 --> 01:16:47.820
And I, you know, again,

1117
01:16:47.820 --> 01:16:49.840
I don't want to lead you guys into too many books,

1118
01:16:49.920 --> 01:16:51.480
but I feel like stuff is coming up tonight

1119
01:16:51.480 --> 01:16:53.840
and I don't want to not tell you things that I did.

1120
01:16:54.080 --> 01:16:57.600
I genuinely started listening to a lot of things

1121
01:16:57.600 --> 01:17:00.500
about the father's love, you know,

1122
01:17:00.820 --> 01:17:04.820
just really what does it mean to connect to Abba, to daddy,

1123
01:17:05.380 --> 01:17:07.360
you know, reading books on that.

1124
01:17:07.520 --> 01:17:09.340
You can't, here's the thing,

1125
01:17:10.080 --> 01:17:13.240
there isn't a quick fix for this, Leslie, okay?

1126
01:17:14.480 --> 01:17:17.060
Now I'm not saying God can't radically heal you

1127
01:17:17.060 --> 01:17:18.040
and set you free, okay?

1128
01:17:18.040 --> 01:17:18.840
I'm not saying that.

1129
01:17:18.840 --> 01:17:23.260
But what I am saying is from my experience, it took time.

1130
01:17:24.140 --> 01:17:25.100
It took time to heal.

1131
01:17:25.580 --> 01:17:31.080
And I had to resist the deep need and longing for attention.

1132
01:17:31.480 --> 01:17:33.080
I had to resist that stuff.

1133
01:17:33.500 --> 01:17:36.120
And so you might need to set some boundaries

1134
01:17:36.120 --> 01:17:37.820
with this person, even though you're not dating,

1135
01:17:37.960 --> 01:17:39.440
there's something that you're getting

1136
01:17:39.440 --> 01:17:41.080
out of this attention from him.

1137
01:17:41.920 --> 01:17:42.340
Yeah.

1138
01:17:42.340 --> 01:17:44.400
And cutting that off at the source

1139
01:17:44.400 --> 01:17:47.100
might be the best thing you could do for yourself right now.

1140
01:17:50.380 --> 01:17:50.940
Yeah.

1141
01:17:50.940 --> 01:17:54.240
Ladies, if we feel like we're craving something

1142
01:17:54.240 --> 01:17:57.900
from someone, then that right there is a signal

1143
01:17:57.900 --> 01:18:00.940
that something's not healthy in that dynamic, okay?

1144
01:18:01.280 --> 01:18:02.840
And there's no shame in that.

1145
01:18:02.960 --> 01:18:05.220
I've been in that situation before, Leslie.

1146
01:18:06.580 --> 01:18:09.680
But when I've, even with the, you know, the girl's dad,

1147
01:18:10.280 --> 01:18:12.040
I mean, why did I keep going back to someone

1148
01:18:12.040 --> 01:18:13.300
who kept cheating on me?

1149
01:18:13.720 --> 01:18:14.760
Why did I do that?

1150
01:18:14.760 --> 01:18:15.740
It's so crazy.

1151
01:18:16.780 --> 01:18:17.720
It's crazy.

1152
01:18:19.620 --> 01:18:23.080
But I kept believing that the guy that I saw

1153
01:18:23.080 --> 01:18:26.180
for a glimmer of time, just this little tiny glimpse,

1154
01:18:26.640 --> 01:18:28.540
was gonna come back and I was praying

1155
01:18:28.540 --> 01:18:31.260
that he was gonna change and yeah.

1156
01:18:31.400 --> 01:18:35.880
But it was really deep in me that I had to get

1157
01:18:35.880 --> 01:18:37.800
to the core of what was missing

1158
01:18:38.040 --> 01:18:40.380
that I was trying to fill a void with someone

1159
01:18:40.380 --> 01:18:42.120
that didn't even really wanna be with me.

1160
01:18:43.640 --> 01:18:44.040
You know?

1161
01:18:44.280 --> 01:18:46.580
And so yours is different, but I just want you to know

1162
01:18:46.580 --> 01:18:48.360
it shows up in a lot of different ways, ladies.

1163
01:18:48.360 --> 01:18:52.100
So we gotta ask God to come and fill that void,

1164
01:18:53.840 --> 01:18:58.220
heal the neglect in the areas where, you know,

1165
01:18:58.260 --> 01:19:00.220
where we are hurting from things,

1166
01:19:00.360 --> 01:19:02.860
the needs that we had as children not being met.

1167
01:19:04.820 --> 01:19:05.340
Yeah.

1168
01:19:05.620 --> 01:19:07.920
But again, I do think that your dad,

1169
01:19:07.980 --> 01:19:10.040
I think that there's a thing at play there

1170
01:19:10.040 --> 01:19:12.360
and that's why you probably feel it a lot deeper.

1171
01:19:12.580 --> 01:19:15.120
So for example, I had a lot of deep,

1172
01:19:15.560 --> 01:19:17.460
it's called pangs of loneliness.

1173
01:19:17.460 --> 01:19:21.080
Like I really, really, it was painful.

1174
01:19:22.320 --> 01:19:24.040
And that's one of the things the Lord showed me

1175
01:19:24.040 --> 01:19:28.380
is that was something that my mother also dealt with.

1176
01:19:28.660 --> 01:19:30.440
And so not only was I dealing with my own,

1177
01:19:30.540 --> 01:19:31.700
but that was coming down.

1178
01:19:32.220 --> 01:19:36.060
And so as I leaned into healing and seeking the Lord

1179
01:19:36.060 --> 01:19:39.460
for the grace and the ability to overcome that

1180
01:19:39.460 --> 01:19:43.580
and not feed that with things to try to soothe myself,

1181
01:19:43.680 --> 01:19:45.700
if you will, whether that was with people.

1182
01:19:45.700 --> 01:19:47.640
Guys, I wasn't a heavy drinker

1183
01:19:47.640 --> 01:19:48.920
after I gave my life to Christ,

1184
01:19:49.060 --> 01:19:53.200
but on occasion I would find myself like wanting wine

1185
01:19:53.260 --> 01:19:55.540
or whatever, like this need in me,

1186
01:19:55.600 --> 01:19:56.900
but I didn't really even want it.

1187
01:19:57.060 --> 01:19:58.600
It was this weird thing.

1188
01:19:58.620 --> 01:19:59.940
Well, my dad was an alcoholic.

1189
01:20:00.940 --> 01:20:06.700
And so when things would get hard, this thing would rear its head, like all of a sudden

1190
01:20:06.700 --> 01:20:09.740
there would be this drawing to have a drink.

1191
01:20:10.140 --> 01:20:12.440
And I just had to, I had to kill that.

1192
01:20:12.580 --> 01:20:14.480
I had to kill that flesh side of myself.

1193
01:20:14.780 --> 01:20:16.520
And so how did I do that?

1194
01:20:16.580 --> 01:20:20.800
I just kept praying about it and kept like choosing the opposite.

1195
01:20:22.240 --> 01:20:22.720
Okay.

1196
01:20:23.580 --> 01:20:25.580
So it's not about a set of rules.

1197
01:20:25.800 --> 01:20:26.880
Everybody's going to be different.

1198
01:20:26.880 --> 01:20:31.460
So you mean every single person on here hearing this needs to pray and ask the Lord, if this

1199
01:20:31.460 --> 01:20:36.980
is resonating with you, what is it that I need to do to heal from the wounds of neglect

1200
01:20:37.020 --> 01:20:38.060
and abandonment?

1201
01:20:38.800 --> 01:20:39.320
Okay.

1202
01:20:40.040 --> 01:20:41.400
Great question, Leslie.

1203
01:20:41.640 --> 01:20:42.580
Thank you.

1204
01:20:42.760 --> 01:20:43.280
You're welcome.

1205
01:20:44.120 --> 01:20:44.460
Shelly.

1206
01:20:44.920 --> 01:20:45.420
Hi.

1207
01:20:46.840 --> 01:20:47.360
Hi.

1208
01:20:48.700 --> 01:20:52.940
Um, I was wanting to see if I could touch on some of the things from last week.

1209
01:20:53.980 --> 01:20:54.500
Sure.

1210
01:20:55.140 --> 01:20:55.660
Okay.

1211
01:20:56.380 --> 01:21:00.820
Um, I think you said I could do that or put it in the chat, but I'll try to be real quick.

1212
01:21:01.080 --> 01:21:05.700
So on forgiveness, the prayer sheet, um, one of the things was, um, I needed to forgive

1213
01:21:06.660 --> 01:21:14.000
myself and, um, mainly with what, you know, the should have, could have, would have, um,

1214
01:21:14.120 --> 01:21:16.880
it's like what Jackie was saying, grieve it and leave it.

1215
01:21:17.740 --> 01:21:23.000
And what's coming to mind is, um, because of my divorce and everything like that with

1216
01:21:23.000 --> 01:21:30.540
my kid, uh, with my ex, it has affected the kids and I have, there's things that I wish

1217
01:21:30.540 --> 01:21:31.320
I would have done.

1218
01:21:31.380 --> 01:21:33.320
I should have done, could have done.

1219
01:21:33.540 --> 01:21:34.880
I was dealing with things myself anyway.

1220
01:21:35.240 --> 01:21:41.360
Um, so there was that, um, also last week there was the word she was talking about relocating

1221
01:21:42.140 --> 01:21:50.460
and, um, what came to mind for me was at my work situation and the timing of it was just

1222
01:21:50.460 --> 01:21:55.080
as always God timing because I had been feeling tension at work.

1223
01:21:55.140 --> 01:22:01.440
I think I've mentioned to you before, I know you do with a lot of people and, um, but there's

1224
01:22:01.440 --> 01:22:06.380
someone at my office that I feel like, um, we're like the last two veterans in the accounting

1225
01:22:06.380 --> 01:22:12.560
department and I feel like she has tries to be one step above and doesn't include me in

1226
01:22:12.560 --> 01:22:12.840
things.

1227
01:22:13.260 --> 01:22:19.100
But, um, Jackie talked about Joyce Meyer and how she had some office work and there's this

1228
01:22:19.100 --> 01:22:26.540
one lady that, um, coming to her like demonically and, um, God told her to leave and to go into

1229
01:22:26.540 --> 01:22:30.980
a ministry of Bible study and it took her a little while, but, but she did, she did

1230
01:22:30.980 --> 01:22:32.100
part time so on and so forth.

1231
01:22:32.240 --> 01:22:36.580
But something similar has happened to me cause I feel like that demonically, like there's

1232
01:22:36.640 --> 01:22:41.360
through this individual, I don't believe that because the lady that I work with, she's really

1233
01:22:41.400 --> 01:22:41.800
nice.

1234
01:22:41.840 --> 01:22:45.460
I like her, but I feel like there's times that I'm being attacked, but I don't think

1235
01:22:45.460 --> 01:22:45.880
it's her.

1236
01:22:46.500 --> 01:22:48.600
So that resonated with me.

1237
01:22:48.680 --> 01:22:52.600
And then I spoke to a manager, a former manager, and he's like, Shelly, if you're not happy,

1238
01:22:53.040 --> 01:22:57.460
because I thought I could get some insight from him as to what I can do with this whole

1239
01:22:57.640 --> 01:22:58.980
situation, you know, and handle it.

1240
01:22:58.980 --> 01:23:02.920
Cause he knew me, he knows the dynamics on and so forth, but he basically was telling

1241
01:23:02.920 --> 01:23:05.040
me it might be time for me to leave if I'm not happy.

1242
01:23:05.080 --> 01:23:06.700
I wasn't expecting to hear that.

1243
01:23:06.980 --> 01:23:07.380
Okay.

1244
01:23:07.640 --> 01:23:12.840
So, I mean, I hear that and then I hear what Jackie said about, um, uh, Joyce Meyer and

1245
01:23:12.840 --> 01:23:13.540
her little thing.

1246
01:23:13.540 --> 01:23:15.520
And I'm like, Lord, I just bought a home.

1247
01:23:15.520 --> 01:23:18.720
I know I don't want to leave.

1248
01:23:19.360 --> 01:23:20.400
So anyway, there's that.

1249
01:23:20.640 --> 01:23:28.520
And it just, I started this HeartWorks program here in July and, um, I also purchased a home

1250
01:23:28.520 --> 01:23:29.080
in July.

1251
01:23:29.460 --> 01:23:34.640
I moved here in September and just trying to get through this whole HeartWorks.

1252
01:23:34.960 --> 01:23:40.440
I haven't been able to really focus like I should, so I'm mad at myself because I'm not

1253
01:23:40.440 --> 01:23:47.140
like committing and I'm not dating, um, but yet I still have a certain individual on my

1254
01:23:47.240 --> 01:23:52.760
mind, um, cause I was involved in a situation ship, but in July I shut that down and I've

1255
01:23:52.760 --> 01:23:57.300
been faithful on that commitment, which has been nice, but I know God's working on my

1256
01:23:57.300 --> 01:24:03.620
heart, but I still have a lot of stuff in terms of what I feel like I need to, I'm handling

1257
01:24:03.620 --> 01:24:04.700
all this stuff myself.

1258
01:24:04.720 --> 01:24:05.000
Okay.

1259
01:24:05.000 --> 01:24:06.640
Now let me bring you my ex.

1260
01:24:06.640 --> 01:24:18.100
Um, my ex, um, I dated for seven years, married for 25 years and, um, he was addicted and

1261
01:24:18.100 --> 01:24:23.700
I had to leave to stuff or whatever, but, and I didn't want to, his sister's a missionary

1262
01:24:23.760 --> 01:24:24.260
to Africa.

1263
01:24:24.380 --> 01:24:26.140
She's the one that said, Shelly, you need to leave.

1264
01:24:27.060 --> 01:24:27.060


1265
01:24:27.300 --> 01:24:31.160
Um, I thought with the vows and in health, you know, he was sick.

1266
01:24:31.200 --> 01:24:31.980
I needed to stay.

1267
01:24:32.060 --> 01:24:33.040
But anyway, that's that.

1268
01:24:33.500 --> 01:24:34.900
Here's another God moment.

1269
01:24:34.900 --> 01:24:38.460
I'm trying to move as fast as possible so other girls can have chance here.

1270
01:24:38.580 --> 01:24:39.100
Just one moment.

1271
01:24:40.520 --> 01:24:43.200
Um, I went to a Bible study at the end of the month.

1272
01:24:43.380 --> 01:24:45.440
It's for the last year single.

1273
01:24:45.960 --> 01:24:49.860
They read the heart works program, not the last year single, sorry, heart works program,

1274
01:24:49.900 --> 01:24:50.980
the book anyway.

1275
01:24:51.620 --> 01:24:59.660
And I remember, um, I had just moved to my new home and I placed my book in a thing.

1276
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.260
box somewhere that I thought, oh, I'll find it, right?

1277
01:25:02.260 --> 01:25:04.260
When I move, well, I can't find it anywhere.

1278
01:25:04.460 --> 01:25:06.960
So anyways, the lady at the group says, well,

1279
01:25:06.960 --> 01:25:08.020
do you have your app on the phone?

1280
01:25:08.060 --> 01:25:10.040
And I said, I go, no.

1281
01:25:10.040 --> 01:25:12.340
I said, my phone is like full.

1282
01:25:12.420 --> 01:25:14.060
Like, I don't have much storage left.

1283
01:25:14.340 --> 01:25:15.640
So I looked it up and sure enough,

1284
01:25:16.120 --> 01:25:17.960
I didn't have any storage left.

1285
01:25:18.080 --> 01:25:19.120
Well, anyways, we started reading.

1286
01:25:19.300 --> 01:25:21.780
I said, oh, I can just listen to y'all read.

1287
01:25:22.120 --> 01:25:24.480
Well, here's what, it was on chapter seven, okay?

1288
01:25:24.720 --> 01:25:27.140
And it says, some things are being highlighted

1289
01:25:27.140 --> 01:25:29.560
to you at this time because whether you have known it

1290
01:25:29.560 --> 01:25:32.020
or not, they have always been there,

1291
01:25:32.440 --> 01:25:34.660
lingering in the background, affecting your daily life.

1292
01:25:34.800 --> 01:25:37.540
It's like having extra apps open on your cell phone.

1293
01:25:37.860 --> 01:25:40.000
You aren't aware of them,

1294
01:25:40.060 --> 01:25:42.720
but they are still draining your battery every day.

1295
01:25:43.020 --> 01:25:45.720
These things that are surfacing are the hidden reasons

1296
01:25:45.720 --> 01:25:47.440
you can never get ahead in life.

1297
01:25:47.880 --> 01:25:49.900
The things we have convinced ourselves

1298
01:25:50.160 --> 01:25:51.780
that can't hurt us anymore,

1299
01:25:53.300 --> 01:25:56.280
actually killing us slowly from the inside out.

1300
01:25:56.920 --> 01:25:58.020
Okay, really?

1301
01:25:58.320 --> 01:26:01.740
That's the first thing that, the start of the chapter.

1302
01:26:02.220 --> 01:26:04.940
And I just got through telling a lady that I don't have it.

1303
01:26:05.020 --> 01:26:06.440
I mean, my phone is full.

1304
01:26:07.340 --> 01:26:09.120
So anyways, there's that God moment there.

1305
01:26:09.660 --> 01:26:13.820
At work, I had a quarterly review and he had said,

1306
01:26:15.140 --> 01:26:18.620
Shelly, you've got great ideas working,

1307
01:26:19.100 --> 01:26:23.460
but he'd like to work, he wants me to work on listing out

1308
01:26:23.460 --> 01:26:26.200
or outlining my thoughts so I can present

1309
01:26:26.920 --> 01:26:28.840
where others can understand

1310
01:26:28.840 --> 01:26:31.540
because my mind is going 90 miles an hour,

1311
01:26:31.960 --> 01:26:36.060
but yet I can't seem to process it to get it out.

1312
01:26:36.640 --> 01:26:39.720
So this is all tying together, okay?

1313
01:26:39.720 --> 01:26:43.520
Because it's affecting, I'm not organized

1314
01:26:43.520 --> 01:26:45.800
because I'm just go, go, go, go, go.

1315
01:26:45.860 --> 01:26:46.880
It's affecting work.

1316
01:26:47.100 --> 01:26:50.600
It's affecting my home life, kids, relationships.

1317
01:26:51.400 --> 01:26:55.220
And the last and final thing that I wanted to mention

1318
01:26:56.900 --> 01:27:01.540
was the thing for today, the broken promise.

1319
01:27:02.700 --> 01:27:05.540
And that is my ex leaving me, okay?

1320
01:27:05.540 --> 01:27:11.240
Because we had a vow and he basically left me

1321
01:27:11.240 --> 01:27:14.820
when he chose his addiction over me.

1322
01:27:14.820 --> 01:27:16.740
We went to counseling and all that good stuff,

1323
01:27:16.780 --> 01:27:18.300
but he didn't want to give it up anyway.

1324
01:27:18.300 --> 01:27:21.000
And then also he told me before we got married

1325
01:27:21.000 --> 01:27:23.220
is that he came from a broken home

1326
01:27:23.220 --> 01:27:26.560
and he said he would never ever do that to his kids.

1327
01:27:27.180 --> 01:27:30.000
And here we are, and he doesn't pay child support.

1328
01:27:30.260 --> 01:27:31.620
He doesn't interact with his kids.

1329
01:27:31.740 --> 01:27:34.340
And now my kids are having to deal with it.

1330
01:27:34.700 --> 01:27:38.520
So it's just, oh gosh, now my battery,

1331
01:27:38.660 --> 01:27:41.260
I need to plug in, see what I'm talking about?

1332
01:27:41.620 --> 01:27:43.220
It's okay, why don't you plug in

1333
01:27:43.220 --> 01:27:45.900
and then I'll start to respond to you here in a moment.

1334
01:27:46.320 --> 01:27:47.760
Yes, please do, I'm gonna plug in.

1335
01:27:47.760 --> 01:27:48.760
Go ahead.

1336
01:27:50.500 --> 01:27:53.080
I want you to be able to be at a place of rest

1337
01:27:53.080 --> 01:27:54.660
once you get that plugged in, okay?

1338
01:27:57.040 --> 01:27:58.440
I'm sorry about that.

1339
01:27:58.940 --> 01:27:59.400
It's all right.

1340
01:27:59.920 --> 01:28:00.280
Okay.

1341
01:28:00.840 --> 01:28:05.320
All right, first thing is I want you to practice breathing.

1342
01:28:06.560 --> 01:28:09.440
I know that sounds like such a simple response, Shelly,

1343
01:28:09.600 --> 01:28:12.380
but it sounds like you're being really hard on yourself.

1344
01:28:12.520 --> 01:28:15.280
It sounds like you've been through a whole lot

1345
01:28:15.280 --> 01:28:16.620
and you're a single mom

1346
01:28:16.620 --> 01:28:20.420
and you're trying to figure a lot of things out.

1347
01:28:20.760 --> 01:28:24.320
The relocating word, while Jackie did say that,

1348
01:28:24.600 --> 01:28:27.340
it wasn't a word for everyone, okay?

1349
01:28:29.340 --> 01:28:32.000
It's super important for all of you to understand

1350
01:28:32.000 --> 01:28:35.500
that every word that's released doesn't mean it's for you.

1351
01:28:36.820 --> 01:28:40.000
And so just because God might nudge you,

1352
01:28:40.040 --> 01:28:41.140
and I'm not saying he is,

1353
01:28:41.200 --> 01:28:43.500
but just because God might nudge you to change jobs

1354
01:28:43.500 --> 01:28:45.580
doesn't mean he's telling you you have to move.

1355
01:28:46.180 --> 01:28:46.740
Right.

1356
01:28:47.280 --> 01:28:49.300
That's fear rising up.

1357
01:28:49.480 --> 01:28:51.620
That's anxiety rising up, okay?

1358
01:28:51.960 --> 01:28:54.800
And I'm not saying that God isn't talking to you

1359
01:28:54.800 --> 01:28:55.840
about some of the other things,

1360
01:28:55.980 --> 01:28:57.260
but as you were talking,

1361
01:28:57.460 --> 01:29:01.400
I feel like that seems like it's going totally against

1362
01:29:01.400 --> 01:29:03.280
where you felt like God was leading you.

1363
01:29:03.600 --> 01:29:05.780
And so I'm not saying things can't change,

1364
01:29:05.780 --> 01:29:07.820
but that feels disruptive to me.

1365
01:29:07.820 --> 01:29:10.120
And I just don't think that God would do that.

1366
01:29:11.200 --> 01:29:13.040
And so be praying into that,

1367
01:29:13.040 --> 01:29:16.840
but I think that there's something regarding you

1368
01:29:16.840 --> 01:29:18.000
just being at peace,

1369
01:29:18.680 --> 01:29:21.180
that you can continue to get settled in your home,

1370
01:29:21.880 --> 01:29:24.100
and that God will provide for you

1371
01:29:24.100 --> 01:29:25.700
if he's leading you to a different job,

1372
01:29:25.800 --> 01:29:28.160
that he'll provide you with what you need.

1373
01:29:28.840 --> 01:29:30.960
But one of the other things I wrote down

1374
01:29:30.960 --> 01:29:33.080
as you were talking was anxiousness.

1375
01:29:33.540 --> 01:29:37.220
I sense a lot of anxiousness under the surface for you.

1376
01:29:37.680 --> 01:29:40.360
And I don't want you to feel bad about that.

1377
01:29:40.360 --> 01:29:43.040
It sounds like you're nervous systems on over,

1378
01:29:43.100 --> 01:29:46.900
like you're on a kind of like an overdrive

1379
01:29:46.900 --> 01:29:50.020
because you've been in flight or flight for a long time.

1380
01:29:51.120 --> 01:29:52.440
When did you go through your divorce?

1381
01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:57.540
It was finalized in November of 2022.

1382
01:29:58.220 --> 01:29:59.800
Okay, so a couple of years ago.

1383
01:30:00.860 --> 01:30:03.680
And do you live near your ex?

1384
01:30:03.780 --> 01:30:05.800
Like, can your ex still see your kids?

1385
01:30:06.000 --> 01:30:06.300
Yes.

1386
01:30:06.580 --> 01:30:07.560
Even though he's not, okay.

1387
01:30:08.180 --> 01:30:11.400
Yeah, and I still reach out to him and talk to him,

1388
01:30:12.080 --> 01:30:17.360
but he's doing better with his addiction,

1389
01:30:17.920 --> 01:30:20.540
but he's behind on a lot of stuff still.

1390
01:30:20.740 --> 01:30:24.680
And I try to check in on him just to make sure

1391
01:30:25.000 --> 01:30:28.260
he's doing okay, because I don't want him to get too low.

1392
01:30:30.000 --> 01:30:31.640
Okay, here's another thing.

1393
01:30:32.060 --> 01:30:33.720
That's not your job anymore.

1394
01:30:34.720 --> 01:30:34.720


1395
01:30:34.720 --> 01:30:36.600
Okay, even though that's your job.

1396
01:30:36.600 --> 01:30:38.720
I don't think he has anybody, so it's just hard.

1397
01:30:39.220 --> 01:30:42.960
Right, that's okay, but he's not your responsibility.

1398
01:30:43.100 --> 01:30:45.100
It's time for you to take care of yourself.

1399
01:30:45.200 --> 01:30:48.920
And so this week, what are two things

1400
01:30:48.920 --> 01:30:51.800
that you can let go of to create more space

1401
01:30:51.800 --> 01:30:53.200
in your life for you?

1402
01:30:55.380 --> 01:30:57.620
Yes, okay, what are some couple things?

1403
01:30:57.620 --> 01:30:58.120
Got it.

1404
01:30:58.120 --> 01:31:00.240
Yeah, just what are two things

1405
01:31:00.240 --> 01:31:01.900
that come to mind even tonight?

1406
01:31:02.060 --> 01:31:05.300
And I would say to you, he's one of them.

1407
01:31:05.540 --> 01:31:08.620
So in addition to that, two things in addition to him,

1408
01:31:09.400 --> 01:31:11.780
okay, and it doesn't mean that you can't communicate to him

1409
01:31:11.780 --> 01:31:14.300
when the time is needed regarding your children,

1410
01:31:14.920 --> 01:31:16.620
but you worrying about him

1411
01:31:16.620 --> 01:31:18.720
and making sure he doesn't get too low

1412
01:31:18.720 --> 01:31:20.260
because then he'll do something bad.

1413
01:31:20.340 --> 01:31:23.980
That is you getting caught up in the crazy cycle, okay?

1414
01:31:24.120 --> 01:31:26.900
And so you need to remove yourself from that.

1415
01:31:26.900 --> 01:31:28.560
He is not your responsibility.

1416
01:31:28.900 --> 01:31:32.180
You don't need to take care of him anymore, okay?

1417
01:31:32.760 --> 01:31:34.020
That's God's job.

1418
01:31:34.240 --> 01:31:35.920
It's always been God's job.

1419
01:31:36.340 --> 01:31:38.440
Okay, now, two other things

1420
01:31:38.440 --> 01:31:40.680
that you're gonna let go of this week,

1421
01:31:41.560 --> 01:31:45.260
even if it's hard, just to create more space for yourself

1422
01:31:46.160 --> 01:31:48.640
to breathe, to kind of rest,

1423
01:31:48.840 --> 01:31:50.540
whether it's working on your house.

1424
01:31:54.600 --> 01:31:56.500
Do you have two things that come to mind

1425
01:31:56.500 --> 01:31:57.780
that you can let go of?

1426
01:31:58.020 --> 01:31:59.180
Maybe there are things

1427
01:31:59.180 --> 01:32:01.840
that you're normally running around doing or...

1428
01:32:05.240 --> 01:32:07.040
That's the part, even at work,

1429
01:32:09.640 --> 01:32:11.560
when people ask me if I need help,

1430
01:32:11.640 --> 01:32:13.440
I have a hard time letting go.

1431
01:32:14.540 --> 01:32:15.940
Okay, tell me about that.

1432
01:32:16.200 --> 01:32:16.480
When's the first-

1433
01:32:16.480 --> 01:32:18.360
I just, I take...

1434
01:32:22.160 --> 01:32:24.640
When's the first time you had a hard time

1435
01:32:24.640 --> 01:32:25.380
letting go of something?

1436
01:32:25.920 --> 01:32:29.380
Because I don't trust anybody else to do my work.

1437
01:32:30.340 --> 01:32:30.860
Okay.

1438
01:32:30.860 --> 01:32:32.800
I like to make sure it's done

1439
01:32:32.820 --> 01:32:34.660
and I don't want it messed up.

1440
01:32:35.080 --> 01:32:36.560
So you like to be in control?

1441
01:32:37.940 --> 01:32:38.380
Yes.

1442
01:32:38.920 --> 01:32:40.440
Okay, when's the first time

1443
01:32:40.440 --> 01:32:42.660
you had a hard time letting go of something?

1444
01:32:43.380 --> 01:32:44.460
Because you were afraid

1445
01:32:44.460 --> 01:32:46.940
that somebody wouldn't care for it the way that you do.

1446
01:32:47.620 --> 01:32:47.620


1447
01:32:47.620 --> 01:32:49.880
Whether it was work or it could have been a pet,

1448
01:32:50.080 --> 01:32:51.440
it could have been a sibling.

1449
01:32:51.980 --> 01:32:54.280
Relationships, yes, everything, pretty much.

1450
01:32:54.280 --> 01:32:57.520
Okay, when's the first time that you can remember?

1451
01:33:02.520 --> 01:33:05.300
I just know that since I was with my husband

1452
01:33:05.300 --> 01:33:07.140
or ex for a long, long time,

1453
01:33:09.440 --> 01:33:13.780
the first time any relationship left me, it devastated me.

1454
01:33:15.180 --> 01:33:16.160
I don't know why.

1455
01:33:16.760 --> 01:33:18.340
Well, it's okay.

1456
01:33:18.640 --> 01:33:20.860
How are things with your parents?

1457
01:33:21.520 --> 01:33:23.280
They were married forever

1458
01:33:23.280 --> 01:33:25.140
and they had a great marriage.

1459
01:33:25.480 --> 01:33:27.780
My mom passed away in 2014.

1460
01:33:28.400 --> 01:33:31.480
My dad didn't date or nothing for a long, long time.

1461
01:33:32.200 --> 01:33:33.460
Kept wearing his wedding ring,

1462
01:33:33.660 --> 01:33:35.500
took care of my mom's mom.

1463
01:33:35.560 --> 01:33:38.260
So you had a good relationship with your parents.

1464
01:33:38.380 --> 01:33:39.180
Okay, that's good.

1465
01:33:39.840 --> 01:33:42.780
So did your parents have a good relationship

1466
01:33:42.780 --> 01:33:43.660
with their parents?

1467
01:33:44.440 --> 01:33:45.020
Yes.

1468
01:33:45.340 --> 01:33:48.720
Okay, so what we need God to show you

1469
01:33:49.180 --> 01:33:51.720
is how did this enter for you,

1470
01:33:51.720 --> 01:33:53.860
for you to have this kind of panicky feeling

1471
01:33:53.860 --> 01:33:55.140
when a relationship ended?

1472
01:33:56.000 --> 01:33:59.140
It could have been a death of someone in your family

1473
01:33:59.140 --> 01:34:00.680
that it really scared you.

1474
01:34:01.040 --> 01:34:02.300
You don't need to answer it tonight.

1475
01:34:02.380 --> 01:34:04.360
I just want you to be praying about,

1476
01:34:05.940 --> 01:34:08.040
Lord, when did this start for me

1477
01:34:08.040 --> 01:34:11.040
that I started fearing letting go of something?

1478
01:34:11.840 --> 01:34:15.140
And then just really working on, Shelley,

1479
01:34:16.660 --> 01:34:18.920
again, that kind of like helping yourself

1480
01:34:18.920 --> 01:34:21.960
kind of be in the still small, calming down,

1481
01:34:23.060 --> 01:34:24.580
the anxiousness.

1482
01:34:24.960 --> 01:34:28.440
Again, your body is in kind of hyper drive right now.

1483
01:34:28.860 --> 01:34:29.260
It is.

1484
01:34:30.460 --> 01:34:33.340
I'll say this, when you've been in a relationship

1485
01:34:33.340 --> 01:34:36.380
where there's a lot of addiction problems

1486
01:34:36.380 --> 01:34:39.160
or the person's very not healthy,

1487
01:34:42.260 --> 01:34:46.460
it can take you a while to unravel from that.

1488
01:34:46.920 --> 01:34:47.680
Okay?

1489
01:34:48.380 --> 01:34:51.200
So what I'm saying to you is that,

1490
01:34:52.600 --> 01:34:54.580
2022 isn't that long ago.

1491
01:34:54.700 --> 01:34:58.520
It's just three years ago that you've now not been taking,

1492
01:34:58.940 --> 01:34:59.980
you've not been married.

1493
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.580
to him. But what I've heard you say is that you're still carrying the load of his mental health

1494
01:35:04.640 --> 01:35:09.940
and well-being. So you really haven't been even broken free from that yet.

1495
01:35:11.320 --> 01:35:15.660
Actually, I have. I had a friend that had me block him.

1496
01:35:16.360 --> 01:35:17.840
Because you're still okay.

1497
01:35:18.060 --> 01:35:22.620
But that was for while he was still on it. It's been for like a year and a half, two years.

1498
01:35:22.980 --> 01:35:27.220
But then he started getting better. So anyway, it's just been recently that I have,

1499
01:35:27.220 --> 01:35:31.620
I've actually done a really good job with healing and doing better. And I

1500
01:35:31.620 --> 01:35:34.520
don't feel that connection like I did before. Sorry.

1501
01:35:35.740 --> 01:35:42.880
Okay. Okay. But you were talking earlier about how worried you are about him. So that tells me

1502
01:35:42.880 --> 01:35:47.240
that that is still there. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying you've never been free at

1503
01:35:47.240 --> 01:35:53.120
all from it. But I'm saying it still has it. The enemy still has this hook in you through that

1504
01:35:53.120 --> 01:35:57.460
enough that it is weighing on you. Okay.

1505
01:35:57.700 --> 01:36:01.960
I think that's just recently because of the weather. He's got that cyclical,

1506
01:36:02.080 --> 01:36:06.860
it's the winter coming and he doesn't. I think that's the only reason why. And the other thing

1507
01:36:06.860 --> 01:36:11.720
too, is because of my kids. And I remember you mentioning about you didn't have like a dad that

1508
01:36:11.720 --> 01:36:19.680
was there for you. My daughter had said here recently, she had asked me, because we had

1509
01:36:19.680 --> 01:36:24.640
a divorce and then remarried, but she asked, is he really my father? And I was like, well, yeah.

1510
01:36:25.280 --> 01:36:29.200
And she's like, I don't think that he is. And I'm like, anyway.

1511
01:36:30.120 --> 01:36:36.680
Okay. There's just, God has hurt. Yeah. And I'm not minimizing it. I know that that's a heavy

1512
01:36:36.520 --> 01:36:41.500
burden. Okay. Your kids and everything that they've been through because of this. But what I

1513
01:36:41.500 --> 01:36:47.220
can tell you is Shelly, while my road hasn't been perfect and it hasn't been easy, I'm living a

1514
01:36:47.220 --> 01:36:53.060
great life and I'm a healthy person and God can help your kids get to that place too, no matter

1515
01:36:53.400 --> 01:37:01.420
what. And so let's work on taking really good care of Shelly. Yes. Praying about when was the

1516
01:37:01.420 --> 01:37:08.920
first time you had a hard time letting go of something or someone and just asking the

1517
01:37:08.420 --> 01:37:14.840
Lord, what are some areas where I can let go? And I hear you saying it is hard for you, but

1518
01:37:14.840 --> 01:37:21.720
we can all do hard things, ladies. We all can. How can we do it through the empowerment of the

1519
01:37:21.720 --> 01:37:27.120
Holy Spirit? So let's not rely on our own strength. Let's rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit

1520
01:37:27.420 --> 01:37:34.360
to even help us in letting go when we want to control. And the reality is, is even if someone

1521
01:37:34.360 --> 01:37:41.720
doesn't do as good of a job as you, they might do a great job and it might be just fine. And I'm

1522
01:37:41.720 --> 01:37:46.720
saying this from the aspect of, I don't always love letting people do things either because I

1523
01:37:46.720 --> 01:37:52.340
like it done a certain way, but here's the reality. Many hands make light work and letting people help

1524
01:37:52.740 --> 01:38:00.220
us, man, is a game changer. And so let's practice that. And I look forward to hearing how things go

1525
01:38:00.220 --> 01:38:09.000
in the next few weeks as you breathe, be kind to yourself. It sounds like you moved and you did a

1526
01:38:09.260 --> 01:38:16.080
lot of stuff in a few months time. So in the next few months, maybe you'll be able to stay in the

1527
01:38:16.080 --> 01:38:21.980
kind of in focus with the heart work and just keep moving forward. Thank you very much. I appreciate

1528
01:38:21.980 --> 01:38:28.040
it. You're welcome. Y'all, it's so important for us to set healthy boundaries regarding our lives.

1529
01:38:29.280 --> 01:38:37.260
So many of you, myself included, this is why I'm going to say this in the past, I was so good at

1530
01:38:37.260 --> 01:38:43.760
helping myself. And you know, the airplanes, they even tell you, put your air mask on yourself first

1531
01:38:43.760 --> 01:38:48.820
before you put it on your kids, which seems like a crazy thought, doesn't it? But the reality is,

1532
01:38:48.880 --> 01:38:52.980
is if you don't get that on yourself, you could be without the oxygen and not be able to help

1533
01:38:52.980 --> 01:38:59.360
your kids. So Shelly, you need some oxygen. Okay. That's what needs to happen. And you're going to

1534
01:38:59.360 --> 01:39:06.060
be an even healthier, stronger mom because of it. So everybody else, if that's speaking to you,

1535
01:39:06.060 --> 01:39:10.900
I encourage you to take some time this week as well, to breathe, really ask the Lord,

1536
01:39:10.920 --> 01:39:17.820
what you need to let go of, where do you need to set some boundaries? People that have, you know,

1537
01:39:17.820 --> 01:39:25.520
required us to take care of them down inside. From what I have found, this is also a self

1538
01:39:25.520 --> 01:39:33.980
discovery for myself. I, um, I liked feeling needed. I liked feeling needed, even if it was

1539
01:39:34.120 --> 01:39:41.500
toxic, which is crazy. Now I'm like, ugh, no, go be with someone. No, I minister to them,

1540
01:39:41.600 --> 01:39:45.500
y'all. I never, I never just turn people away, but I'm just kind of being silly. But like,

1541
01:39:45.500 --> 01:39:50.340
I really do set a lot of boundaries now. And if I'm ministering to someone, you know,

1542
01:39:50.340 --> 01:39:54.720
that's in a toxic, unhealthy place, that's different than if I'm in friendship and

1543
01:39:54.720 --> 01:39:59.560
close relationship with them. Totally different things. Okay. So, all right.

1544
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.760
Chrissy, go ahead.

1545
01:40:05.860 --> 01:40:06.760
Can you hear me?

1546
01:40:08.140 --> 01:40:09.600
Yeah, you're a little low, though.

1547
01:40:10.940 --> 01:40:10.940


1548
01:40:11.700 --> 01:40:13.560
That was better when you just did that.

1549
01:40:14.340 --> 01:40:14.840
OK.

1550
01:40:16.880 --> 01:40:20.000
I was debating whether I even needed to share anything,

1551
01:40:20.120 --> 01:40:23.720
but I was on this afternoon, even though I was at work,

1552
01:40:23.740 --> 01:40:25.520
I was still trying to pay attention.

1553
01:40:27.160 --> 01:40:30.900
And I missed a little part of the beginning here tonight.

1554
01:40:31.640 --> 01:40:34.600
But while everybody was talking, I was still writing.

1555
01:40:36.880 --> 01:40:39.640
And thinking about the promises broken,

1556
01:40:41.540 --> 01:40:45.940
I have to really dig deep for that, because in my mind,

1557
01:40:46.000 --> 01:40:53.000
I think someone said, OK, who said to me, I promise this,

1558
01:40:53.000 --> 01:40:57.020
and then didn't broke that promise.

1559
01:40:57.300 --> 01:41:00.040
But it's not so clear cut and dry.

1560
01:41:00.940 --> 01:41:04.160
So there are a few things I think about.

1561
01:41:04.980 --> 01:41:08.860
But I also think that I've trained myself

1562
01:41:09.460 --> 01:41:18.700
to look for the roots instead of just flowing with it

1563
01:41:18.700 --> 01:41:19.920
and trying to listen to God.

1564
01:41:21.360 --> 01:41:23.920
But there was something you said this afternoon.

1565
01:41:24.180 --> 01:41:25.900
I don't know if you said it tonight or not,

1566
01:41:26.340 --> 01:41:28.760
but it really annoyed me.

1567
01:41:29.600 --> 01:41:32.620
And it brought back another what I

1568
01:41:32.620 --> 01:41:34.240
think is like a broken promise.

1569
01:41:36.860 --> 01:41:40.180
You said something about putting yourself in timeout

1570
01:41:40.180 --> 01:41:41.880
if you were in the religious corner.

1571
01:41:43.420 --> 01:41:46.160
And I was like, ugh, no.

1572
01:41:47.320 --> 01:41:48.820
And I thought about this.

1573
01:41:48.820 --> 01:41:51.400
I had a dream several years.

1574
01:41:51.580 --> 01:41:52.280
I'm a dreamer.

1575
01:41:52.360 --> 01:41:53.280
God speaks to me.

1576
01:41:53.580 --> 01:41:54.480
And I had a dream.

1577
01:41:55.040 --> 01:41:59.440
I'd had several dreams with this one guy.

1578
01:41:59.720 --> 01:42:03.760
And I kept thinking, what is it?

1579
01:42:03.920 --> 01:42:07.660
I was trying to decipher what he meant, what God was showing me

1580
01:42:07.660 --> 01:42:09.000
through him in the dream.

1581
01:42:09.480 --> 01:42:11.140
And so I was deciphering correctly.

1582
01:42:11.460 --> 01:42:14.020
But I started listening to other people.

1583
01:42:14.660 --> 01:42:17.920
And they were pointing out not anything in the dream,

1584
01:42:17.920 --> 01:42:20.600
but they were pointing out real-life scenarios

1585
01:42:21.260 --> 01:42:23.740
and kept saying, oh, I think he really likes you.

1586
01:42:23.860 --> 01:42:25.800
Oh, I think that he really likes you.

1587
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:29.880
And so somewhere, my brain kind of put that together

1588
01:42:31.980 --> 01:42:33.980
as he must be the one.

1589
01:42:34.880 --> 01:42:36.520
And I was like, that's so stupid.

1590
01:42:36.660 --> 01:42:37.680
Why would you even think that?

1591
01:42:37.760 --> 01:42:40.920
God's not going to show you that and then

1592
01:42:40.920 --> 01:42:42.220
keep putting this in your dream.

1593
01:42:42.860 --> 01:42:47.000
All these dreams in my dream interpreter mind was like, no.

1594
01:42:47.000 --> 01:42:49.660
These are pointing to something I have to pray for,

1595
01:42:49.900 --> 01:42:50.380
something, whatever.

1596
01:42:51.200 --> 01:42:55.320
This went on for several, several years.

1597
01:42:56.820 --> 01:43:01.240
And I even confided in a close family member who also dreams.

1598
01:43:02.000 --> 01:43:04.780
And she took the time to go away, pray about it,

1599
01:43:04.800 --> 01:43:05.400
and came back.

1600
01:43:06.060 --> 01:43:07.960
And because she regards me as a daughter,

1601
01:43:07.960 --> 01:43:09.760
she said, I prayed about it.

1602
01:43:09.760 --> 01:43:12.740
I asked the Lord, don't hurt her if this is the case.

1603
01:43:13.180 --> 01:43:15.120
And she said, no, it was right.

1604
01:43:15.120 --> 01:43:17.500
And I was like, oh, OK, well, that's fine then.

1605
01:43:18.480 --> 01:43:22.080
But I just remember over and over going and like,

1606
01:43:22.080 --> 01:43:24.000
no, this can't be right.

1607
01:43:24.140 --> 01:43:26.500
This can't be him.

1608
01:43:26.940 --> 01:43:28.680
God is showing me other things.

1609
01:43:30.500 --> 01:43:34.760
And I remember it feeling like I would try to release it

1610
01:43:34.960 --> 01:43:36.080
and go away.

1611
01:43:36.160 --> 01:43:37.780
And then it was like a rubber band

1612
01:43:37.780 --> 01:43:40.060
would snap me back into it.

1613
01:43:40.400 --> 01:43:42.220
And then it would suck me up again.

1614
01:43:42.260 --> 01:43:44.280
And I'd be like, oh, if he was my husband,

1615
01:43:44.280 --> 01:43:45.100
then we would do this.

1616
01:43:45.160 --> 01:43:49.300
And it was like I felt like a little girl in fantasy world.

1617
01:43:50.520 --> 01:43:53.740
And that's actually probably why I hate doing that now.

1618
01:43:54.380 --> 01:43:55.020
I don't do it.

1619
01:43:55.140 --> 01:43:56.460
I literally was going to say, it sounds

1620
01:43:56.460 --> 01:43:59.280
like you started fantasizing about it, which

1621
01:43:59.280 --> 01:44:01.780
can be something that can create soul ties.

1622
01:44:03.520 --> 01:44:03.800
Yeah.

1623
01:44:04.460 --> 01:44:04.980
Yeah.

1624
01:44:05.880 --> 01:44:06.860
It probably did.

1625
01:44:07.560 --> 01:44:12.220
And then eventually, see, I moved here in 2020.

1626
01:44:12.220 --> 01:44:18.240
So I don't know, like 2018, 19 maybe.

1627
01:44:20.660 --> 01:44:22.660
Through some circumstances, I ended up

1628
01:44:22.660 --> 01:44:24.040
not going to church that night.

1629
01:44:24.040 --> 01:44:25.500
But I ended up going to a friend's house.

1630
01:44:26.220 --> 01:44:27.280
And nobody else showed up.

1631
01:44:27.360 --> 01:44:29.960
So it was just her and I. And we had a great time.

1632
01:44:30.180 --> 01:44:31.180
The Lord showed us a lot of things.

1633
01:44:31.260 --> 01:44:32.940
And then she's like, hey, let's pray before we leave.

1634
01:44:32.980 --> 01:44:33.840
And I was like, yeah, of course.

1635
01:44:35.820 --> 01:44:37.440
And thankfully, I prayed first.

1636
01:44:37.520 --> 01:44:38.760
No, no, she prayed first.

1637
01:44:38.760 --> 01:44:42.320
And when she prayed, she was like, hey,

1638
01:44:42.320 --> 01:44:45.460
I don't want to make you feel bad.

1639
01:44:46.020 --> 01:44:51.160
But I feel like there's something that's been like,

1640
01:44:51.900 --> 01:44:53.520
I forget how she worded it.

1641
01:44:53.560 --> 01:44:57.300
But it was basically something that had been snatching you up

1642
01:44:57.300 --> 01:44:58.920
and not letting you go.

1643
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.660
And the minute she like the words came out of her mouth,

1644
01:45:02.980 --> 01:45:06.980
I felt it from the tips of my toes all the way up.

1645
01:45:07.120 --> 01:45:10.820
And I was filled with rage and anger.

1646
01:45:11.420 --> 01:45:14.800
And then I was just like, God, I have to pray for her next.

1647
01:45:14.920 --> 01:45:16.660
And I don't want to speak to you.

1648
01:45:16.840 --> 01:45:18.100
I don't want to speak at all.

1649
01:45:18.900 --> 01:45:21.080
So thankfully the Holy Spirit did his thing

1650
01:45:21.080 --> 01:45:21.980
and prayed for her.

1651
01:45:22.000 --> 01:45:28.400
And then I left and I had to go sit and be with this anger

1652
01:45:28.400 --> 01:45:32.720
because, and I kept telling myself, I knew I was right.

1653
01:45:33.720 --> 01:45:34.860
I knew I was right.

1654
01:45:36.640 --> 01:45:37.820
And now I don't-

1655
01:45:37.820 --> 01:45:39.060
So are you saying what you initially felt,

1656
01:45:39.220 --> 01:45:41.260
that's what you were feeling like God was confirming

1657
01:45:41.260 --> 01:45:43.600
that you were right and what you were initially discerning

1658
01:45:43.700 --> 01:45:45.440
before you started asking other people?

1659
01:45:45.560 --> 01:45:46.300
Is that what you're saying?

1660
01:45:46.840 --> 01:45:47.160
Yeah.

1661
01:45:47.380 --> 01:45:47.620
Yeah.

1662
01:45:48.420 --> 01:45:50.140
He was just trying to show me,

1663
01:45:50.460 --> 01:45:52.580
like in all the other dreams that I have,

1664
01:45:52.600 --> 01:45:55.000
when people show up, it could be their name,

1665
01:45:55.020 --> 01:45:56.060
it could be what they represent,

1666
01:45:56.220 --> 01:45:57.900
it could be a lot of different reasons.

1667
01:45:57.900 --> 01:46:00.300
It could be an aspect about their character

1668
01:46:00.300 --> 01:46:02.040
that God's trying to show you something about

1669
01:46:02.040 --> 01:46:03.440
and highlight that to you.

1670
01:46:03.520 --> 01:46:03.820
Yeah.

1671
01:46:04.080 --> 01:46:04.680
Yeah.

1672
01:46:05.100 --> 01:46:07.960
And instead I was listening to all these other people

1673
01:46:07.960 --> 01:46:09.800
and because I was listening to them,

1674
01:46:09.800 --> 01:46:12.560
I could then see what was happening.

1675
01:46:13.300 --> 01:46:16.480
And it was like reinforcing that.

1676
01:46:18.000 --> 01:46:22.340
And so then I wrote that down and I thought, okay,

1677
01:46:22.400 --> 01:46:26.260
if my saying like I knew that I was right to begin with

1678
01:46:27.120 --> 01:46:29.880
is that my being prideful?

1679
01:46:31.020 --> 01:46:33.320
No, I think that's you understanding

1680
01:46:33.320 --> 01:46:35.060
that you were discerning well

1681
01:46:35.060 --> 01:46:36.540
and you didn't actually need to go

1682
01:46:36.540 --> 01:46:38.360
and ask anybody else about it.

1683
01:46:39.900 --> 01:46:41.800
It doesn't mean that you're being prideful.

1684
01:46:43.480 --> 01:46:46.320
Sometimes we are hearing something from the Lord,

1685
01:46:46.840 --> 01:46:48.320
but we don't trust ourselves.

1686
01:46:48.440 --> 01:46:50.680
And so we go try to seek it out with other people.

1687
01:46:50.700 --> 01:46:53.680
And I'm not saying, sometimes God asks us to do that, right?

1688
01:46:53.680 --> 01:46:56.180
The multitude of counselors and all of that.

1689
01:46:56.520 --> 01:46:58.020
And I think you were trying to do that

1690
01:46:58.020 --> 01:47:00.240
because for some reason you weren't trusting

1691
01:47:00.240 --> 01:47:01.300
what you were discerning.

1692
01:47:02.700 --> 01:47:06.220
And so, unfortunately in this situation,

1693
01:47:06.700 --> 01:47:08.900
probably hasn't been that way in every time

1694
01:47:08.900 --> 01:47:10.320
that you've asked other people for things,

1695
01:47:10.400 --> 01:47:11.600
but in this situation,

1696
01:47:11.600 --> 01:47:14.180
it sounds like it led you astray a little bit.

1697
01:47:15.200 --> 01:47:18.620
And unfortunately, I think forgiving yourself

1698
01:47:18.620 --> 01:47:22.220
is gonna be key here for not just listening to yourself.

1699
01:47:22.920 --> 01:47:24.980
When you felt the anger and the rage,

1700
01:47:25.220 --> 01:47:26.100
what did God show you?

1701
01:47:26.220 --> 01:47:27.480
Like, why did you feel that?

1702
01:47:29.580 --> 01:47:31.940
I felt that because,

1703
01:47:35.540 --> 01:47:37.080
I think I felt stupid.

1704
01:47:37.600 --> 01:47:38.040
Okay.

1705
01:47:38.820 --> 01:47:41.460
Yeah, and I think really acknowledging,

1706
01:47:42.000 --> 01:47:43.660
okay, well, why did you feel stupid?

1707
01:47:43.800 --> 01:47:44.980
And really unpack that.

1708
01:47:45.160 --> 01:47:47.720
And are you stupid because you didn't hear

1709
01:47:47.720 --> 01:47:51.120
or you misinterpreted something or you sought people's help?

1710
01:47:51.120 --> 01:47:52.800
No, you're not stupid.

1711
01:47:53.360 --> 01:47:54.360
Like, none of us are stupid.

1712
01:47:54.540 --> 01:47:55.820
Sometimes we just make mistakes.

1713
01:47:56.340 --> 01:47:57.380
And guess what's really awesome

1714
01:47:57.380 --> 01:48:01.000
is you can learn a massive amount from this, you know?

1715
01:48:01.500 --> 01:48:03.920
And here's the other thing that came to mind

1716
01:48:03.920 --> 01:48:06.120
when you were talking, what Jackie says this all the time,

1717
01:48:06.260 --> 01:48:07.380
what we look for, we find.

1718
01:48:08.940 --> 01:48:09.240
Okay?

1719
01:48:09.600 --> 01:48:11.200
So sometimes you all,

1720
01:48:12.040 --> 01:48:13.780
when God is telling us one thing

1721
01:48:13.800 --> 01:48:16.280
about whether it's a dream or a situation,

1722
01:48:16.460 --> 01:48:19.200
but we actually want it to mean something else,

1723
01:48:19.200 --> 01:48:22.260
that's when we go seek out other people.

1724
01:48:23.820 --> 01:48:24.780
Not saying every time,

1725
01:48:24.920 --> 01:48:26.620
but sometimes that is why we do that.

1726
01:48:27.420 --> 01:48:28.980
Because we're actually looking for us,

1727
01:48:29.400 --> 01:48:30.880
looking for people to tell us

1728
01:48:30.880 --> 01:48:32.140
that it means the other thing.

1729
01:48:33.220 --> 01:48:34.520
And that's what you found.

1730
01:48:34.740 --> 01:48:37.640
You found other people to reinforce that side of it.

1731
01:48:37.980 --> 01:48:40.900
And then you started fantasizing about this guy

1732
01:48:40.900 --> 01:48:42.920
and what would life be like and all the things.

1733
01:48:43.180 --> 01:48:46.060
And so, yeah, I think really just forgiving yourself

1734
01:48:46.580 --> 01:48:49.620
and coming out of agreement with any lies

1735
01:48:49.620 --> 01:48:52.420
that you believe that you were stupid in that moment,

1736
01:48:52.700 --> 01:48:53.700
you weren't.

1737
01:48:53.900 --> 01:48:54.580
You weren't.

1738
01:48:54.760 --> 01:48:57.400
You're just an imperfect person, we all are.

1739
01:48:57.800 --> 01:49:01.240
And we do our best to navigate life

1740
01:49:01.240 --> 01:49:03.160
with information we have at the time.

1741
01:49:04.000 --> 01:49:06.800
Y'all, I mean, yeah, of course, when I look back,

1742
01:49:06.960 --> 01:49:08.300
that's why I'm like, still,

1743
01:49:08.400 --> 01:49:11.000
it's so weird for me to talk about this relationship

1744
01:49:11.000 --> 01:49:13.820
that I was in for six years.

1745
01:49:14.560 --> 01:49:15.360
Oh my gosh.

1746
01:49:16.000 --> 01:49:18.340
Some of the stuff that happened when I say it out loud,

1747
01:49:18.540 --> 01:49:22.920
it's just like, how did I get stuck in that for six years?

1748
01:49:23.500 --> 01:49:25.040
It's mind boggling to me

1749
01:49:25.040 --> 01:49:27.500
because I just know so much better now.

1750
01:49:27.500 --> 01:49:29.560
But I've grown a lot.

1751
01:49:29.940 --> 01:49:31.480
And so just grow from this, Chrissy,

1752
01:49:31.980 --> 01:49:33.760
and trust yourself.

1753
01:49:34.840 --> 01:49:37.640
Trust the, it sounds like you have really worked

1754
01:49:38.260 --> 01:49:40.620
at understanding how to interpret

1755
01:49:40.620 --> 01:49:41.800
different aspects of dreams.

1756
01:49:42.480 --> 01:49:43.480
Interestingly enough, ladies,

1757
01:49:43.480 --> 01:49:45.980
dreams came up in our afternoon session today as well.

1758
01:49:46.460 --> 01:49:48.240
And maybe that's what made you think about it too, Chrissy.

1759
01:49:48.500 --> 01:49:51.400
But just, we don't encourage anybody

1760
01:49:51.800 --> 01:49:54.700
to prophesy about dates, mates, or babies.

1761
01:49:55.260 --> 01:49:57.940
And we really stay away from that stuff on purpose.

1762
01:49:58.720 --> 01:49:59.980
I will tell you that I have.

1763
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.120
had a dream and I heard God say, he's coming soon.

1764
01:50:03.840 --> 01:50:07.140
And I knew in the dream, I saw my spirit mate, but I couldn't

1765
01:50:07.140 --> 01:50:09.220
tell you what, what they looked like at all.

1766
01:50:09.820 --> 01:50:13.120
And I'm so glad that I didn't see a person.

1767
01:50:14.800 --> 01:50:18.480
And if I think I probably did in my dream state, but God didn't

1768
01:50:18.480 --> 01:50:21.180
let me remember that when I woke up.

1769
01:50:21.560 --> 01:50:25.280
And I'm so glad that I didn't, because I think that that could

1770
01:50:25.280 --> 01:50:29.980
have really messed me up and I would have been looking for a

1771
01:50:29.980 --> 01:50:33.660
friend, but all God said is he's coming soon and that filled me

1772
01:50:33.660 --> 01:50:34.360
with hope.

1773
01:50:34.480 --> 01:50:37.960
And I just, you know, partnered with that and started believing

1774
01:50:37.960 --> 01:50:40.820
and, and declaring, you know, I'm a bride and, you know,

1775
01:50:40.920 --> 01:50:42.300
thanking God for my spirit mate.

1776
01:50:43.240 --> 01:50:44.200
So Chrissy, forgive yourself.

1777
01:50:44.400 --> 01:50:44.740
Okay.

1778
01:50:44.940 --> 01:50:48.640
And, and really allow yourself just to move forward from that.

1779
01:50:49.140 --> 01:50:52.340
Um, you know, ladies, I chuckled when she said it really annoyed

1780
01:50:52.340 --> 01:50:55.600
me when you said that, um, you know, sometimes that's going to

1781
01:50:55.600 --> 01:50:57.720
happen sometimes as coaches, we're going to say stuff and

1782
01:50:57.720 --> 01:51:00.800
it's going to really rub you guys the wrong way, but just

1783
01:51:00.800 --> 01:51:03.140
know that that is happening for a reason.

1784
01:51:03.600 --> 01:51:04.820
So Chrissy did the right thing.

1785
01:51:05.040 --> 01:51:07.880
She started praying into it, thinking about it, talking to

1786
01:51:07.880 --> 01:51:08.560
the Lord about it.

1787
01:51:08.660 --> 01:51:11.040
She coming back tonight and sharing about it.

1788
01:51:11.040 --> 01:51:13.820
That's, or you can come into the group, you know, if it's already

1789
01:51:13.820 --> 01:51:16.760
passed our live sessions and then we can talk through it more

1790
01:51:16.760 --> 01:51:17.200
together.

1791
01:51:18.520 --> 01:51:22.160
Um, but that annoyed her because of what she went through, because

1792
01:51:22.160 --> 01:51:26.900
what I said was, which she paraphrased it, but like, you know, a

1793
01:51:27.100 --> 01:51:30.200
lot of people have, have put themselves in time out because of

1794
01:51:30.820 --> 01:51:33.160
religious belief systems and teachings that they've been under.

1795
01:51:34.400 --> 01:51:37.080
And so that's what, that's what rubbed her the wrong way.

1796
01:51:37.080 --> 01:51:38.320
And then that led her here.

1797
01:51:38.480 --> 01:51:42.800
And so, um, on that note, going forward, um, you know, really

1798
01:51:42.860 --> 01:51:49.260
asking the Lord, um, you know, to show you, um, kind of where

1799
01:51:49.260 --> 01:51:52.100
your thoughts started leading you astray as well, you know, the

1800
01:51:52.100 --> 01:51:54.960
fantasy thoughts and just making sure there's not any open door

1801
01:51:54.960 --> 01:51:55.160
there.

1802
01:51:55.160 --> 01:51:58.300
Cause a lot of times when we get into the fantasy thinking is

1803
01:51:58.300 --> 01:52:01.520
because we're trying to escape reality and we want something so

1804
01:52:01.520 --> 01:52:03.480
bad, but we actually believe a lie.

1805
01:52:04.160 --> 01:52:09.080
And because we believe that lie, we think we have to like, start

1806
01:52:09.080 --> 01:52:11.860
acting on that thing to accelerate.

1807
01:52:12.360 --> 01:52:12.960
It's coming.

1808
01:52:13.260 --> 01:52:14.120
Does that make sense?

1809
01:52:15.120 --> 01:52:15.600
Yeah.

1810
01:52:15.600 --> 01:52:17.240
And so just praying to that too.

1811
01:52:17.240 --> 01:52:20.400
I'm not saying there is anything, but I just felt led to mention that to you.

1812
01:52:22.080 --> 01:52:22.560
Okay.

1813
01:52:22.840 --> 01:52:23.760
Thanks for sharing.

1814
01:52:25.200 --> 01:52:26.920
Appreciate you, Tiffany.

1815
01:52:27.280 --> 01:52:27.500
Okay.

1816
01:52:27.500 --> 01:52:31.200
So just so we know we're at nine 52, I'm going to take Tiffany and Roseanne and

1817
01:52:31.200 --> 01:52:32.380
then we'll close down for the night.

1818
01:52:32.760 --> 01:52:33.240
Okay.

1819
01:52:33.520 --> 01:52:35.040
Tiffany Connor, go ahead.

1820
01:52:35.860 --> 01:52:39.640
So I actually, I think somebody else had mentioned, they had kind of

1821
01:52:39.640 --> 01:52:41.540
struggled trying to figure out what they were going to share.

1822
01:52:41.580 --> 01:52:47.620
And I was, it wasn't until you said for us to do the never would I ever list.

1823
01:52:47.740 --> 01:52:53.700
And at the very end, um, when you were talking about, you know, like not

1824
01:52:54.380 --> 01:53:01.320
addicts or whatever, and it just like came to my mind and it was, my ex-husband

1825
01:53:01.800 --> 01:53:07.380
had been an addict and had been clean and sober for like 13 years when we got

1826
01:53:07.660 --> 01:53:13.380
together and we had been married probably five or six years, I had one of those

1827
01:53:13.380 --> 01:53:17.860
episodes where I had gotten really sick that I'd kind of mentioned last week.

1828
01:53:17.860 --> 01:53:23.720
Um, and I, we had gone from two full-time, I was manager at a place.

1829
01:53:23.720 --> 01:53:29.920
And so we went from two full-time salaries to just his, and we had also

1830
01:53:29.920 --> 01:53:35.620
just moved into a newer home and like all the expenses and now it's all on him.

1831
01:53:35.700 --> 01:53:37.300
And I'm pretty much out of it.

1832
01:53:37.300 --> 01:53:39.100
Cause I was bedridden for several months.

1833
01:53:39.320 --> 01:53:45.100
And so, um, I was never raised around drugs.

1834
01:53:45.100 --> 01:53:48.780
That was not my, you know, drugs and alcohol was not really my thing.

1835
01:53:48.840 --> 01:53:51.060
It was sex and relationships was my struggle.

1836
01:53:51.180 --> 01:53:56.460
And so I didn't know what to look for the side, you know, the symptoms

1837
01:53:56.460 --> 01:53:57.940
or I don't know, whatever words.

1838
01:53:58.560 --> 01:54:01.560
Um, and so I really did.

1839
01:54:01.560 --> 01:54:06.440
I had no clue until I was asleep one night and the Lord woke me up and he

1840
01:54:06.440 --> 01:54:07.840
was like, go to the end of the hall.

1841
01:54:08.240 --> 01:54:12.860
Long story short, he gave me play by play of like, stay there.

1842
01:54:12.860 --> 01:54:14.360
I need you to stay quiet.

1843
01:54:14.360 --> 01:54:15.460
Like sit down.

1844
01:54:15.460 --> 01:54:20.720
I mean, it was really like, it was cool to see how the Lord did that for me, but

1845
01:54:20.720 --> 01:54:28.380
I saw he was using in my kitchen with me and my daughter asleep, or he thought I

1846
01:54:28.380 --> 01:54:38.280
was asleep and so, um, We, you know, had the talk and he, of course, I see it

1847
01:54:38.520 --> 01:54:42.800
now was putting the blame back on me because of all the stress and whatever.

1848
01:54:43.420 --> 01:54:48.540
So fast forward, things get, I think that they're better.

1849
01:54:49.780 --> 01:54:54.740
Um, we were doing all kinds of stuff to get his daughter back at the time.

1850
01:54:54.740 --> 01:54:57.300
Cause he'd kind of been MIA out of her life.

1851
01:54:57.420 --> 01:54:59.980
And so we went through the supervised visits.

1852
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.860
and like months and months and months of stuff.

1853
01:55:03.000 --> 01:55:06.000
And it was the first time that she was going to be able

1854
01:55:06.000 --> 01:55:08.840
to come and spend the weekend with us alone.

1855
01:55:09.420 --> 01:55:11.540
And I had one of my flare ups.

1856
01:55:11.780 --> 01:55:15.260
And so he's like, no problem, I'm gonna go get her.

1857
01:55:15.480 --> 01:55:18.080
Long story short, I get a phone call from him

1858
01:55:18.080 --> 01:55:19.900
that he was arrested.

1859
01:55:20.640 --> 01:55:24.200
He had been pulled over and he had gotten some stuff

1860
01:55:24.300 --> 01:55:28.460
apparently on his way to go see his daughter.

1861
01:55:30.860 --> 01:55:35.060
And I don't even know how to process that, right?

1862
01:55:35.180 --> 01:55:37.300
So we're like, okay, we're gonna do rehab.

1863
01:55:37.580 --> 01:55:40.620
We're gonna, because this was my third husband,

1864
01:55:41.160 --> 01:55:44.340
this had to be like, come hell or high water,

1865
01:55:44.520 --> 01:55:45.840
we're making this work.

1866
01:55:45.920 --> 01:55:48.180
I will stick with you, we will work it out.

1867
01:55:48.720 --> 01:55:56.060
And so it ended up that dealers and things knew

1868
01:55:56.060 --> 01:55:58.660
where we lived and it was just a bad situation.

1869
01:55:58.660 --> 01:56:00.900
So we decided we're gonna move

1870
01:56:01.020 --> 01:56:04.060
and we kind of downsized a little bit.

1871
01:56:04.540 --> 01:56:08.800
And so fast forward, I don't even know,

1872
01:56:08.800 --> 01:56:10.820
I don't even remember now how long it was,

1873
01:56:10.900 --> 01:56:12.420
but it was less than a year.

1874
01:56:13.440 --> 01:56:16.780
The same thing happened, I'm asleep, he's awake.

1875
01:56:16.820 --> 01:56:18.020
He worked nights also.

1876
01:56:18.120 --> 01:56:20.080
So it wasn't unusual for that to happen.

1877
01:56:20.140 --> 01:56:22.180
And the Lord woke me up again

1878
01:56:22.180 --> 01:56:25.000
and basically kind of the same thing and I'm going.

1879
01:56:27.280 --> 01:56:32.420
So the night ended with, I heard him go outside to our gate

1880
01:56:32.680 --> 01:56:36.860
and another dealer apparently came and brought him stuff.

1881
01:56:37.300 --> 01:56:39.800
And so the Lord didn't have me address it that night.

1882
01:56:39.840 --> 01:56:41.840
He just said, okay, now go back and go to bed.

1883
01:56:42.020 --> 01:56:45.000
And it was so weird, like I'm just seeing this

1884
01:56:45.340 --> 01:56:47.500
after we'd gone through all this stuff

1885
01:56:48.640 --> 01:56:51.860
and only God can make it to where I could go back

1886
01:56:51.860 --> 01:56:52.960
to sleep after that.

1887
01:56:53.800 --> 01:56:56.340
Well, the next morning he leaves,

1888
01:56:56.420 --> 01:56:58.220
I didn't even know he had left for work

1889
01:56:58.220 --> 01:56:59.840
or something about like that.

1890
01:56:59.900 --> 01:57:02.280
And he called and he's like, where is it?

1891
01:57:02.300 --> 01:57:03.020
Where is it?

1892
01:57:03.160 --> 01:57:05.020
And I'm like, what are you talking about?

1893
01:57:06.220 --> 01:57:10.800
Basically, I feel like the Lord hid his stuff from him.

1894
01:57:10.800 --> 01:57:13.220
Apparently he hadn't used it that night.

1895
01:57:13.400 --> 01:57:17.740
He had put it somewhere and he couldn't find it.

1896
01:57:17.740 --> 01:57:20.900
And so, which I mean, I'm laughing

1897
01:57:20.900 --> 01:57:23.060
because of this, like, what do you do, right?

1898
01:57:23.220 --> 01:57:28.660
And so he's like, go look and see if you can find it.

1899
01:57:28.660 --> 01:57:29.640
And I'm like, find what?

1900
01:57:30.080 --> 01:57:31.980
I knew, but he didn't know I knew.

1901
01:57:32.660 --> 01:57:35.140
So long story short, that's what it was.

1902
01:57:35.520 --> 01:57:38.120
Well, that night I had already decided,

1903
01:57:38.540 --> 01:57:40.580
okay, no, we're not doing this anymore.

1904
01:57:40.580 --> 01:57:43.160
Cause again, my daughter was in the home

1905
01:57:43.160 --> 01:57:46.340
and now you've brought a dealer to our new home.

1906
01:57:46.860 --> 01:57:52.000
And so that night was the night that I said no more.

1907
01:57:52.900 --> 01:57:58.280
And so one, I realized I have not done,

1908
01:57:58.560 --> 01:58:00.580
I've done a whole lot of forgiveness sheets

1909
01:58:00.580 --> 01:58:02.140
for a lot of different things,

1910
01:58:02.280 --> 01:58:04.000
but he's not been one of them.

1911
01:58:04.080 --> 01:58:06.260
So I feel like the Lord's like, okay,

1912
01:58:06.260 --> 01:58:08.940
now it's time that we deal with this one a little bit.

1913
01:58:09.520 --> 01:58:09.640
Yep.

1914
01:58:09.840 --> 01:58:13.940
But how do you, I have a friend who is dating

1915
01:58:13.940 --> 01:58:16.920
and her boyfriend has a past.

1916
01:58:17.880 --> 01:58:20.480
God's gotten a hold of him and he's a different person.

1917
01:58:21.520 --> 01:58:24.780
But as I'm hearing her talk about some of the things

1918
01:58:24.780 --> 01:58:28.240
that he's revealed to her, it's just like this,

1919
01:58:29.300 --> 01:58:31.060
what do you do with that?

1920
01:58:31.240 --> 01:58:33.500
So here's the thing, I think I hear what you're saying.

1921
01:58:34.840 --> 01:58:38.600
You all, it doesn't mean that you have to be okay with,

1922
01:58:38.600 --> 01:58:41.880
you know, dating someone that has been an addict

1923
01:58:41.880 --> 01:58:42.800
in their past.

1924
01:58:43.600 --> 01:58:45.780
You all, this is where it's gonna be really important

1925
01:58:45.780 --> 01:58:46.620
for you to pray.

1926
01:58:47.280 --> 01:58:49.440
I'm not saying you should just decide,

1927
01:58:49.760 --> 01:58:51.120
okay, I can never date someone

1928
01:58:51.120 --> 01:58:53.500
that's been an addict before ever again.

1929
01:58:53.880 --> 01:58:57.060
But there are certain things for myself

1930
01:58:57.060 --> 01:58:59.600
that I knew that I could not do again.

1931
01:59:00.200 --> 01:59:03.000
I could not be with someone that was a porn addict,

1932
01:59:03.140 --> 01:59:04.540
a sex addict ever again.

1933
01:59:04.760 --> 01:59:08.280
Like I knew that I could not sustain that ever again.

1934
01:59:08.500 --> 01:59:10.480
Like even if they had been in the past,

1935
01:59:10.480 --> 01:59:11.920
like that was just, there was,

1936
01:59:12.300 --> 01:59:14.300
like I needed to be with someone

1937
01:59:14.300 --> 01:59:18.080
that I could walk into that relationship and trust them.

1938
01:59:18.820 --> 01:59:19.120
Okay?

1939
01:59:19.640 --> 01:59:21.360
And because of everything I've been through,

1940
01:59:21.440 --> 01:59:23.640
I knew that that's what I needed.

1941
01:59:24.260 --> 01:59:29.880
And so I just prayed and asked God to help me find someone

1942
01:59:29.920 --> 01:59:32.480
that I literally, as I got to know them,

1943
01:59:32.480 --> 01:59:35.680
that I would know deeply that I could trust them.

1944
01:59:35.800 --> 01:59:38.200
And that is who God led me to.

1945
01:59:38.760 --> 01:59:41.720
And so Tiffany, I'm saying that to say to you,

1946
01:59:42.120 --> 01:59:44.320
I don't want any of you to be afraid

1947
01:59:44.460 --> 01:59:48.340
that you are gonna be forced or coerced

1948
01:59:48.340 --> 01:59:51.240
into something that is gonna be dangerous for you.

1949
01:59:51.360 --> 01:59:53.700
It sounds like you have quite a bit of processing

1950
01:59:53.700 --> 01:59:55.840
to still do regarding the situations

1951
01:59:55.840 --> 01:59:57.220
that you've been through with him.

1952
01:59:58.000 --> 01:59:59.700
And so, you know,

1953
02:00:00.740 --> 02:00:05.160
This is where it's important for y'all to trust the Holy Spirit's leading in your heart healing

1954
02:00:05.160 --> 02:00:12.140
as well. You know, we say it's five weeks, but you know, some of you need way longer than that

1955
02:00:12.140 --> 02:00:15.880
because of what you've been through. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're going to miss

1956
02:00:15.880 --> 02:00:20.500
out on your spirit mate. It means that you're going to heal so that you attract a healthy

1957
02:00:20.500 --> 02:00:26.420
spirit mate. And so, but just pray through that, you know, and really allow the Lord to

1958
02:00:26.420 --> 02:00:31.600
first heal this situation that you're talking to us about. And it sounds like multiple things

1959
02:00:31.600 --> 02:00:37.680
regarding him. Um, and then just be praying and ask the Lord what he has for you. For me,

1960
02:00:38.100 --> 02:00:42.960
I knew, like I said, I needed someone that I could walk into a relationship and know that

1961
02:00:42.960 --> 02:00:47.940
I could trust them because I had been with so many people that hadn't been trustworthy before.

1962
02:00:50.340 --> 02:00:54.600
So of course we want all of you to be with trustworthy people. I hope you know that,

1963
02:00:54.600 --> 02:01:00.800
but I'm just saying like, I needed to like, without a shadow of a doubt, know that that man,

1964
02:01:01.380 --> 02:01:06.320
whoever I ended up with, wasn't gonna, you know, lock his phone and act like I couldn't get in his

1965
02:01:06.320 --> 02:01:12.200
phone and all the sneaky things that I went through before. Um, you know, Brian and I,

1966
02:01:12.200 --> 02:01:18.260
both, we just leave our phones wide open. It's so peaceful. Nobody's afraid. Nobody's panicked

1967
02:01:18.260 --> 02:01:23.340
that somebody's doing something they shouldn't be doing. It's wonderful. It's a wonderful way

1968
02:01:23.340 --> 02:01:29.060
to live. Um, and so I don't know if that's helpful, but I feel like first forgive, but also

1969
02:01:29.060 --> 02:01:36.000
just be praying about, you know, what, what can you sustain? What, what do you have the capacity

1970
02:01:36.340 --> 02:01:43.500
for? Okay. Was it hard when you got with Brian? Was it hard to not have that kind of default like

1971
02:01:45.720 --> 02:01:51.460
because you were already healed? Because I was healed from that stuff. And because

1972
02:01:51.460 --> 02:01:57.280
when you are with someone that's healthy and isn't doing deceitful things,

1973
02:01:58.940 --> 02:02:04.680
you don't have anything to worry. Like there's just, it's different than living with someone

1974
02:02:04.680 --> 02:02:09.720
who is just doing mischievous things all the time. And that's why I felt like I had to check

1975
02:02:09.720 --> 02:02:15.680
up on them all the time because they were doing mischievous things. When someone is just genuinely

1976
02:02:15.680 --> 02:02:20.740
a pure person, it doesn't mean Brian's not perfect. I'm not perfect, but like,

1977
02:02:21.000 --> 02:02:26.600
we were both very honest with each other, even in the dating, like, Hey, these are not too early on,

1978
02:02:26.960 --> 02:02:31.560
you know, we followed the coaching and the program, but in the right timeframe, we were,

1979
02:02:31.660 --> 02:02:35.840
you know, we shared about the things we've been through and talked about, you know, what we wanted

1980
02:02:35.840 --> 02:02:43.760
our relationship to look like going forward. And, um, yeah, I just, God has radically healed my

1981
02:02:43.820 --> 02:02:50.200
heart in my life, Tiffany. And, um, he's done the same for Brian because Brian went through a lot

1982
02:02:50.200 --> 02:02:56.540
of crazy things with his ex, you know, uh, we were just talking literally, I think it was last night

1983
02:02:58.400 --> 02:03:02.740
about different things that we had both been through, where exes woke us up in the middle

1984
02:03:02.740 --> 02:03:08.060
of the night, ranting and raving and just crazy chaos things. And we had both gone through

1985
02:03:08.060 --> 02:03:15.680
situations like that entirely different States of the world of the U S and, and whatnot, but just

1986
02:03:15.700 --> 02:03:23.020
how grateful we are that our life is so different now, you know, I mean, we go to, we go to sleep

1987
02:03:23.020 --> 02:03:28.820
and we sleep peacefully and there's no chaos. There's no storm. That's going to come in the

1988
02:03:28.820 --> 02:03:35.180
middle of the night and attack me. If you will get what I'm saying. Absolutely. Yeah. And so I

1989
02:03:35.380 --> 02:03:41.360
believe God can help you heal and give that to you too. I believe that. Thank you. You're welcome.

1990
02:03:41.780 --> 02:03:54.080
Thanks for sharing with us, Roseanne. Hey, get my microphone on. Hi. Hi. Um, so I was just gonna,

1991
02:03:54.500 --> 02:04:00.820
I know I posted in the ask a coach over the week. Um, but I just gonna kind of share a little bit

1992
02:04:00.820 --> 02:04:07.980
about that. Um, I did work on the forgiveness sheets. Um, awesome. I kind of got to the place

1993
02:04:07.980 --> 02:04:13.860
where it says, what is God saying? And I got, I didn't hear, I got stuck. So I didn't,

1994
02:04:14.100 --> 02:04:20.040
I didn't hear a whole lot, but I did work on the forgiveness, the top part. Um,

1995
02:04:20.760 --> 02:04:33.160
anyway, what I'm talking about is that, um, in 2023, going into 2024, I dated a man for

1996
02:04:36.960 --> 02:04:44.820
16, 17, 16, 16 months, I think. Yeah. 16 months. And we were engaged the last two months

1997
02:04:45.540 --> 02:04:49.700
and he ended the relationship

1998
02:04:52.100 --> 02:04:59.980
saying that he didn't feel like we were connecting and that he interpreted some things that I

1999
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:11.120
said as being demanding and it's very very very painful very painful time

2000
02:05:11.120 --> 02:05:18.980
because I had not really I'm 61 and I had not really dated he was the first

2001
02:05:18.980 --> 02:05:26.020
man that I had developed that a serious relationship with and I mean he told me

2002
02:05:26.020 --> 02:05:31.860
something pretty early on in the relationship about himself from his past

2003
02:05:33.580 --> 02:05:40.900
that maybe it would have caused other people to run but like kind of like what

2004
02:05:40.900 --> 02:05:47.220
Annette was saying earlier I I didn't want to run in fear I wanted my heart to

2005
02:05:47.220 --> 02:05:56.140
be open and I believe that God can and does heal and restore anything it

2006
02:05:56.140 --> 02:06:04.640
doesn't matter how horrendous it is but I thought you know at you know when the

2007
02:06:04.640 --> 02:06:15.140
relationship ended and as I tried to process through you know forgiving him

2008
02:06:15.140 --> 02:06:24.540
and even saying hello to you know saying hello to one another I've just

2009
02:06:24.540 --> 02:06:35.740
you know realized that he is not as healthy as I thought he was or as he

2010
02:06:35.980 --> 02:06:45.480
presented himself to be and even though it's very hard and painful I know that

2011
02:06:45.480 --> 02:06:52.780
God protected me and so I don't know if there's anything else I want to say but

2012
02:06:52.780 --> 02:06:58.000
I just wanted to yeah I'm glad you shared and I do remember reading your

2013
02:06:58.000 --> 02:07:04.200
post in the group and I really want to just say you know Roseanne that

2014
02:07:04.200 --> 02:07:11.940
sometimes what can happen is when the engagement is official extra spiritual

2015
02:07:11.940 --> 02:07:18.280
pressure gets applied because you're now moving towards marriage okay right yeah

2016
02:07:18.280 --> 02:07:26.200
but there's this extra dynamic happening and that potentially you know triggered

2017
02:07:26.200 --> 02:07:30.680
this man with whatever was going on in his past and maybe was still unresolved

2018
02:07:30.680 --> 02:07:36.960
and so I think you dodged a bullet to be honest you're not the first person who's

2019
02:07:36.960 --> 02:07:41.480
told me that especially with and this is what I was saying to you in my response

2020
02:07:41.480 --> 02:07:46.060
especially the way that he reacted even when you were trying to just in the

2021
02:07:46.060 --> 02:07:50.580
church like hey can we at least be cordial to each other like right but like

2022
02:07:51.120 --> 02:07:58.340
to me as hard as it is for you I think that you needed a hard line there

2023
02:07:58.340 --> 02:08:03.220
because if not I think you would have continued to try to convince him to be

2024
02:08:03.220 --> 02:08:07.540
back in the relationship potentially or you know like some of the ladies even

2025
02:08:07.540 --> 02:08:11.140
I've been coaching people on not getting stuck in situations you know where

2026
02:08:11.660 --> 02:08:17.500
someone is a friend I had a lady this afternoon years investing in a long time

2027
02:08:17.500 --> 02:08:21.920
investing in someone the guy told her on the front end he wanted to be friends

2028
02:08:21.940 --> 02:08:26.220
but she kept believing for more now right something different here he was

2029
02:08:26.340 --> 02:08:30.620
dating you for a long time 16 months you get engaged you think you all are moving

2030
02:08:30.620 --> 02:08:35.040
forward and now you get blindsided with something so what that tells me is that

2031
02:08:35.040 --> 02:08:42.520
what you got blindsided with was always there that was always there and he just

2032
02:08:42.520 --> 02:08:49.860
wasn't able to keep it up anymore yeah you know and so as you keep moving

2033
02:08:50.940 --> 02:08:56.320
forward while you didn't date a lot of other people on that level before hey

2034
02:08:56.320 --> 02:09:00.880
you've gotten some good experience what did you learn from that relationship you

2035
02:09:00.880 --> 02:09:05.180
know what was what was good and healthy about it I want you to think about that

2036
02:09:05.180 --> 02:09:09.640
and what wasn't because one of the things even though you were with that

2037
02:09:09.640 --> 02:09:14.900
guy for a long time I'll just be curious if there's any red flags that God wants

2038
02:09:14.900 --> 02:09:25.400
to reveal to you now well I know you know there I had a friend tell me I

2039
02:09:25.400 --> 02:09:30.900
don't know we had probably been dating maybe seven six or seven it's just it

2040
02:09:30.900 --> 02:09:36.120
was a weird situation because he started communicating with me by text in

2041
02:09:37.000 --> 02:09:45.940
February okay he didn't he asked me out we met somewhere in April so February

2042
02:09:45.940 --> 02:09:53.360
March April so two months later you met in person right and we never he we and

2043
02:09:53.640 --> 02:09:59.620
we met and until September he never called me on the phone

2044
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:09.120
We only communicated by text and he would always, you know, we went out usually on Saturday nights and so, and I had a, you know, friend.

2045
02:10:09.660 --> 02:10:16.180
So, I don't really, it's like, when did we really start dating? I don't, you know, not until we met in April at least, I think.

2046
02:10:16.600 --> 02:10:24.520
But because of that situation, I, I, I mean, because he told me, you know, that one of the first times that we went out,

2047
02:10:25.700 --> 02:10:33.000
if this just is a really good friendship or if it turns into something more, I'd be really, you know, happy, perfectly happy either way.

2048
02:10:33.020 --> 02:10:40.940
And so, until he told me in September, and he hadn't even called me on the phone yet that he was developing feelings for me,

2049
02:10:41.120 --> 02:10:47.780
I wasn't anywhere like, I was attracted to him, but it was like, I don't know what this is, you know.

2050
02:10:47.780 --> 02:10:54.920
Because he, because he had said, if it's a friendship or if it's something, you know, more than I'm happy.

2051
02:10:55.060 --> 02:11:02.420
But I had a friend tell me, I don't know, it was probably before he said something to me, before he told me he was, maybe it was after that.

2052
02:11:02.440 --> 02:11:07.180
But anyway, she asked me, she said, well, have you been to his house yet? And I'm like, no.

2053
02:11:07.520 --> 02:11:13.940
And she said, that's a red flag. And I was like, it is? And she said, well, yeah.

2054
02:11:13.940 --> 02:11:16.900
And you don't know where he lives? Yep.

2055
02:11:17.880 --> 02:11:23.220
Well, I did know where he lives. I think I had been there. I haven't been inside his home.

2056
02:11:24.680 --> 02:11:31.620
And I really didn't think anything of it because he had told me he was doing some construction inside his house.

2057
02:11:31.820 --> 02:11:35.080
And so I was like, he doesn't, you know, doesn't want anybody to see it.

2058
02:11:35.080 --> 02:11:46.800
But then when, you know, we were more serious and we flew together to North Carolina to see my sister.

2059
02:11:48.060 --> 02:11:55.120
And a friend of mine drove us to the airport and we went to pick him up at his house and went to the airport from his house.

2060
02:11:55.160 --> 02:12:01.200
And I just thought, well, he'll be looking out the window and he'll, you know, he'll come out the door whenever we pull up.

2061
02:12:01.200 --> 02:12:04.540
I'm not even going to, you know, I probably won't even have to get out of the car.

2062
02:12:04.720 --> 02:12:12.360
And so we drove up and he wasn't, he didn't come out. And so I thought, well, maybe he wants me to see, you know, I'll see his house.

2063
02:12:12.400 --> 02:12:20.040
And so I went up to the door and knocked on the door and he opened the door, stepped out and closed the door immediately behind him.

2064
02:12:20.240 --> 02:12:26.080
And that's whenever I was like, OK, this is weird. This is weird.

2065
02:12:26.700 --> 02:12:37.760
And so I, you know, I probably, and then there were, you know, I had another, actually the same friend who, I mean, she, when we would, she and I would spend time together.

2066
02:12:37.760 --> 02:12:43.120
She would ask me how things were going and I would tell her and she would just cry.

2067
02:12:43.240 --> 02:12:46.760
She would say, I just want him to want to spend more time with you.

2068
02:12:47.020 --> 02:12:54.420
Yeah. So this is what I think you should do, Roseanne, to help yourself because you're saying a lot of really important things right now.

2069
02:12:55.040 --> 02:13:01.220
You're actually recognizing flags that God was showing you in that, in that dynamic with this guy.

2070
02:13:01.320 --> 02:13:07.160
I almost don't even want to call it, I don't want to minimize it for you because it was a relationship for you.

2071
02:13:07.460 --> 02:13:12.500
But this is not what a healthy dating relationship looks like.

2072
02:13:12.680 --> 02:13:15.640
OK, so I want to make that distinction for you.

2073
02:13:15.860 --> 02:13:20.980
I want to encourage you to make a list of these things that you're talking to us about.

2074
02:13:21.500 --> 02:13:26.640
You know, the things that your friends kind of mentioned to you, questions that you started having.

2075
02:13:27.820 --> 02:13:29.300
You can write down the good, too.

2076
02:13:29.360 --> 02:13:31.180
I think it's important for you to do that.

2077
02:13:31.500 --> 02:13:40.680
But I want you to kind of side by side, make a list and really ask the Lord to help you remember if there were other times that you thought something was off.

2078
02:13:41.340 --> 02:13:50.960
But that you just kept going because this was your first, you know, real relationship, you know, because sometimes we'll try to convince ourselves to just like I did.

2079
02:13:51.980 --> 02:13:56.660
Oh, you know, the guy that I saw the first week or two, that's who he really is.

2080
02:13:57.020 --> 02:13:59.200
But that isn't who he really was.

2081
02:13:59.620 --> 02:14:03.300
That was the fake version of who he was, that he was.

2082
02:14:03.400 --> 02:14:07.360
He was love bombing me and all this stuff to entrap me in that relationship.

2083
02:14:08.300 --> 02:14:13.700
Right now, this situation sounds a little different, but, you know, I'm sitting here thinking, OK, why?

2084
02:14:14.000 --> 02:14:16.040
Why didn't this some men don't like to talk on the phone?

2085
02:14:16.040 --> 02:14:17.200
So let me just say that.

2086
02:14:17.260 --> 02:14:19.940
OK, so that could be the case here.

2087
02:14:19.940 --> 02:14:20.640
Yeah.

2088
02:14:21.380 --> 02:14:22.500
Never talk on the phone.

2089
02:14:22.520 --> 02:14:25.260
And you guys were together 16 months.

2090
02:14:25.420 --> 02:14:27.880
So did you ever see the inside of his home?

2091
02:14:28.780 --> 02:14:30.000
No, I never did.

2092
02:14:30.960 --> 02:14:31.300
Yeah.

2093
02:14:31.580 --> 02:14:32.100
Yeah.

2094
02:14:32.100 --> 02:14:35.560
So, ladies, that's a that's a huge red flag for me.

2095
02:14:35.760 --> 02:14:38.240
You know, so just be aware of these kind of things.

2096
02:14:38.500 --> 02:14:43.100
But I feel like because, you know, you mentioned that you hadn't dated a lot in the past.

2097
02:14:43.100 --> 02:14:50.660
I think where you you list these things out and just let yourself really see them on paper, Roseanne, I think will help you.

2098
02:14:51.000 --> 02:14:59.980
OK, like when you look at that next to the things that you had questions about or that you felt uncomfortable about, make a note like, OK, in a future relationship.

2099
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:04.980
relationship, Lord, this is what I want. So, you know, we don't

2100
02:15:04.980 --> 02:15:09.020
encourage you all to go to men's homes early on, okay? Because

2101
02:15:09.020 --> 02:15:11.660
that can get you into all kinds of danger. But once you know,

2102
02:15:11.720 --> 02:15:16.080
someone is safe, you know, yeah, you want them to invite you to

2103
02:15:16.080 --> 02:15:20.220
their home. I mean, I, I the first time I went to Indiana,

2104
02:15:20.300 --> 02:15:24.340
Brian, he didn't stay there. But he let me stay in his home. And

2105
02:15:24.340 --> 02:15:27.740
he went and stayed at his mom's I literally was in his whole

2106
02:15:28.540 --> 02:15:35.820
And, you know, so that is what healthy looks like. Okay. Okay.

2107
02:15:36.380 --> 02:15:41.020
So you are worth a man wanting to spend more time with you. So

2108
02:15:41.260 --> 02:15:45.280
in the future, just keep that in mind. Okay, you're worth it.

2109
02:15:45.280 --> 02:15:48.600
You're really beautiful and amazing and lovely. And you have

2110
02:15:48.600 --> 02:15:51.920
such a great heart. Every time you share, I can just sense

2111
02:15:51.920 --> 02:15:57.760
that. And, and so a man who has found a wife has found a good

2112
02:15:57.760 --> 02:16:00.900
thing. And this man was keeping you in the friend zone, even

2113
02:16:00.900 --> 02:16:05.640
though he said he had feelings for you. Yeah. All right. So

2114
02:16:06.080 --> 02:16:08.780
right. Yeah, be praying into that. Forgive him forgive

2115
02:16:09.160 --> 02:16:12.120
yourself and keep moving forward. God has good things

2116
02:16:12.120 --> 02:16:16.320
for you. Thank you. You're welcome. Ladies, this has been

2117
02:16:16.320 --> 02:16:19.000
an awesome night. I always love being here with you. Let me go

2118
02:16:19.180 --> 02:16:22.760
and pray us out for tonight. Father, thank you so much for

2119
02:16:22.760 --> 02:16:25.520
everything that you're doing in our lives. Thank you, God for

2120
02:16:25.780 --> 02:16:29.220
transforming us and healing us from the inside out. God, I

2121
02:16:29.220 --> 02:16:31.780
thank you that you're taking anything in the darkness and

2122
02:16:31.780 --> 02:16:35.200
bringing it to the light that we need to see. God, I thank you

2123
02:16:35.200 --> 02:16:38.219
that you would help us to walk in God confidence, God that you

2124
02:16:38.219 --> 02:16:41.860
would help us to become more and more secure in you. God that you

2125
02:16:41.860 --> 02:16:45.459
would help us to trust your voice within us, God and for

2126
02:16:45.459 --> 02:16:48.080
those that might struggle to hear your voice, I pray that you

2127
02:16:48.080 --> 02:16:51.040
would just remind them that they are your sheep and your

2128
02:16:51.040 --> 02:16:54.299
sheep hear your voice and, and we always obey as your sheep

2129
02:16:54.299 --> 02:16:56.559
what you tell us to do. And I thank you God that you would

2130
02:16:56.559 --> 02:17:00.020
open our ears to hear what your spirit is saying. God protect

2131
02:17:00.020 --> 02:17:03.139
them, guard them, keep watch over them. And we just thank you

2132
02:17:03.139 --> 02:17:07.900
for all these things in Jesus name. Amen. God bless you all

2133
02:17:07.900 --> 02:17:10.139
and I'll be seeing you in the groups. Have a good night,

2134
02:17:10.260 --> 02:17:11.320
everyone. Bye bye.

2135
02:17:12.080 --> 02:17:13.639
Have a good night.

2136
02:17:13.820 --> 02:17:14.340
Bye everyone.