WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. We've got nine of you and myself on right now. This is Supernatural.

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No, it's not Supernatural. I'm going to be talking about Supernatural Saturday. It is

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November 18th. This is your Tuesday heart check-in for the Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator.

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I got some of my girls already raising up their hands because they got updates for us.

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I know, Ashley, I did respond to you just recently in the app, and I know that you're

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only on for the first 30 minutes, and so we definitely want to get to you. Look, I remembered.

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That's a big surprise because sometimes I struggle with remembering things, believe

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it or not. I did remember that, so Ashley, we'll definitely take your question. I've

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going to butcher your name. Is it Chanmi? Did I pronounce that right?

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Yeah, that's correct. Sorry, I'm driving. I'll be home soon.

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You're good. Girl, I think we were all just driving a moment ago. We got girls driving

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right now. I was literally just in my car. Leah's got her coffee. I got my Panera coffee

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as well. That's where I was hanging out today after I dropped my kids off just to get in

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the zone, and I just needed to get away from my house because sometimes if I'm in my house,

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I'm looking at all the things that need to get done, and I just can't focus, so I decided

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we're just going to get out of the house today. I got Mika that's got a question. Alexandra,

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she's on. Alexandra, I think I just responded to you as well in the app. Gail's got questions.

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I love it. We got so many people on. This is perfect. I'm not going to take up a whole

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lot of time with the beginning stuff because I know we're getting more and more ladies

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on and getting bold and vulnerable and courageous and sharing the questions, which is what we love

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to see. That's where we get a lot of growth. That's where myself and Ebony can do a lot of

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teaching. Just for those ladies that are brand new to phase two, maybe this is your first

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live check-in for phase two. This is an opportunity for you ladies just to get

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a glimpse of a little bit more extra coaching in a smaller setting. We'll do it in a group

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where it's not as intimidating as you would go into the bigger group later on in phase three

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where there's a lot more people, but as you are coming out of heartwork and you're stepping into

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this, okay, now I'm clear to date and I may or may not know what I'm doing and it's a little

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block or some heart thing, some heartwork stuff is coming up as we step into that dating scene.

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This gives us the opportunity to really spend some time and just be able to unpack some of those

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things that will surface because believe it or not, ladies, it will. That's totally okay. I know

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some ladies jump out of heartwork. They were maybe a little reluctant or maybe they were just super

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excited to get to dating and there's a little bit of like, uh-oh, what did I do? This is scary

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or whoa, I need to go back to heartwork or no, I miss heartwork. Can I go back? Ladies, we do

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heartwork still in here, okay? I am really, really focused on that because I myself was in this

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as well. For those of you ladies that are watching in replay or are on today and this is your first

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time, my name is Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single and I also went

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through this program. I joined Jackie in October of 2020. I took the leap a little reluctantly.

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I wasn't sure really how I felt about it, but I knew there was something. I knew God was directing

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me. It was a divine appointment and I've been with Jackie ever since. Now, I am a success story.

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I did eventually thank the good Lord. My husband did find me. It took a couple years, but he did.

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He took some time. Not sure what was taking him so long, but God's timing is perfect. I will say that

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and we've now been married. We just celebrated two years this past September. I get the honor,

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the privilege, and the joy and just all of it just to be able to pour into you ladies and

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hopefully offer you encouragement, wisdom, hope, faith. You can borrow my faith. There was times

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in my story I had to borrow Jackie's faith, actually part of my love story, in fact.

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So if you've never heard of that,

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stay tuned at some point in this course,

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I'm sure you will hear it.

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So yeah, I've been where you're at.

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I've been in that seat before.

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I've asked all the same questions that probably you'll experience as well.

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We have these, I like to call them guardrails.

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A lot of ladies like myself used to think these were hard,

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fast rules and if I didn't follow the rule,

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I was messing something up.

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Don't worry ladies, you're not going to mess anything up.

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Chances are is if you maybe step out and do something maybe that we don't encourage,

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chances are is I probably did the same thing.

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Actually, I could probably almost guarantee I probably did the same thing.

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So for example, I don't even know why I'm even sharing this,

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this is just coming up.

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We often encourage you ladies to hold off on

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those first, second, third dates,

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inviting a guy to church or going to his church,

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or really diving into the faith talk.

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Yeah, I didn't do that.

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I definitely had a gentleman show up at my church on a third date,

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and it just was really awkward.

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Just know, we encourage you not to do that and there's reasons why,

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but if you do it,

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it's not, you didn't ruin anything.

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There's growth in it and it doesn't mean that a love story can't

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form because you did it differently than what we encourage.

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God works in so many incredible ways.

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He is intricately involved in your love story.

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So I would just want to encourage those of you ladies that are like me,

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and it's like, I have to follow the rules.

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Yeah, we want to encourage you to stick to the path and

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the process because we've been doing this for five years.

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We've had over 1,600 engagements and marriages.

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We've seen all different types of love stories,

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all different, but there's also similarities in those two.

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And so we do see patterns, we see what works, we see what doesn't.

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And so we're just here to share our wisdom and our encouragement

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and hopes that it will help you.

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And the truth is, is that every single one of you,

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as you go through this process,

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God is going to use every single one of your experiences to grow you

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and heal you and prepare you for marriage.

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That I can promise.

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There is nothing that God did not spare in my season of singleness

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that has not somehow equipped me or helped me in my marriage now.

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Okay?

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So with that said, I do want to encourage you ladies

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to check out Supernatural Saturday if you haven't already.

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All right, it was a good one this week.

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All right, there was some updates that we gave in the community

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that I'm just going to touch base on real quick.

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But I do really want to encourage you to listen to that.

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I know for me personally, in my season of life, it was much needed.

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And so what's exciting is that one of our updates is that,

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you know, here at Last Year Single,

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our dedication is to helping singles prepare for marriage

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and grow in their heartwork and heal their hearts.

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So that they can step into the love story that God has for them.

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But one thing that we've noticed is as people are in our program

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are getting married, marriage is hard.

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But it doesn't have to be easy.

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It just has to be worth it.

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And so for anyone that knows of people that have been in this community,

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maybe someone introduced you to this community that's now married.

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Make sure you reach out to them and let them know,

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hey, Jackie's going to be launching something for the married couples

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out of this community.

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And so as you ladies are praying for your love stories,

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I really want to encourage you to be praying into those in this community

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that also are now married or engaged.

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Because what you help make happen for others, God will make happen for you.

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And so I just really want to encourage that.

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I know I was talking to Sam the other day because she booked a one-on-one call with me.

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And I was sharing with her just how important marriage is to singles.

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And it's really important that even as singles, we are praying for married people

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because it's the people that are stepping into marriage and in marriages

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that can help produce.

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and encourage and give wisdom for those that are in that single season and it's so discouraging

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when we step into our churches and we're being surrounded by married folks

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and there is just this like this debbie downer attitude about marriage

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like people are not optimistic about it and i i remember what that's like when i was single i'm

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like i want to be married and i felt like people were just pooping all over my dream and desire

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and so i really want to encourage you to spend some time thinking about those in your life

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that are married and is there anybody that you know that you could be pregnant in their marriage

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and when we launch our spirit mate group for this community that you consider introducing them to

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this community for the marries okay so keep that in mind so that was on supernatural saturday that

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jackie was sharing so we're still looking to launch i think there was some artwork that they

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were still trying to um finalize and and such so that should be coming soon and then she also

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announced that the retreat event schedule for 2026 will be released soon so definitely make

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sure that you're keeping your eyes peeled for jackie's um website because those things will

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be on there i will do my best and ebony will do her best that when we jump on these calls as soon

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as we know we will let you ladies know um when those things are launched so i know that jackie

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talked about a bigger austin retreat happening which is exciting i'm like dying to figure out

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when that is so that i can hopefully make the trip down from dallas fort worth to hang out with some

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of you ladies i got the privilege and the honor to be able to hang out with those ladies that

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were able to make it the five-year anniversary party and also that got to experience some of

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on the retreat um i don't know if i see anybody on here that i met i don't at first glance if

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anybody is able to come on camera that's not on camera i'd love to see your face i know it's that

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middle of the day and it's hard and sometimes we're at work but if you can i know we had some

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ladies driving in the car i don't care if you're driving in your car it's just me just me and the

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of carpooling down there for sure ladies if you are um if you haven't already checked out the

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resource tab um make sure that you do that we have it's called single cities and so if you go

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in the resource tab you're going to be able to learn a little bit of information about what that

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is and how to get involved in those single cities so we have a single cities in the dallas fort

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atlanta phoenix there's canada i think like edmonton vancouver there's all different ones

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around um i think indianapolis area ohio area there's all different areas um so definitely

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take a look at that i mean find your closest city and definitely try to join that um because you're

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this community so when there are events that are happening whether it's a retreat or a conference

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because jackie's going to be doing some of those all over that you may want to connect with some of

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your um sisters here in this community and carpool maybe you know if you're if it's a couple like an

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overnight retreat or something and a hotel like you might want to find someone to room with to

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help keep costs down um so that's something to keep in mind um if your city doesn't have one

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just find one that is closest to you okay i know if you're kind of in a remote area that may be

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difficult um but if not just post it in our in our app where you're at and if you're like i'm not

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sure because this is this is so many hours away from me or okay fort myers so yeah there's tampa

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tampa will probably be a good one i know there's a handful of ladies that i even met

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that are in the sarasota area that's where i actually came from um i was one of those ladies

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that was like i'm not moving from florida my spirit mate's gonna have to move to me

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and god was like you sure about that are you sure that's a non-negotiable and god had to work on my

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to release the pen and hold that loosely and once

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I kind of did, it was really supernatural what happened

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and then my husband dropped into my DMs.

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Okay, so that was pretty supernatural.

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I can't promise that always happens that way

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in an accelerated way, but that did happen for me.

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There is not a Sarasota group, but there is a Tampa group.

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And then there's Orlando as well.

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And I do sometimes, they do know that

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they might sometimes meet up.

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At the time I was kind of moderating Tampa

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when I was single in that area.

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But now I think it is, her name is Mary DeJesus,

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I believe is her name.

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She is the one that moderates for Tampa.

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Wonderful, wonderful woman.

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I actually got to meet her

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at the five-year anniversary party.

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And yes, I did end up moving.

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I'm in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

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That is where my husband lives and I live with him now.

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And his two kids and my youngest came along with me as well.

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So, all right, I've spent 16 minutes kind of going in.

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I've got lots of hands up.

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So I definitely don't want to take any more time.

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I want to pray for us.

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I've got lots of hands.

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I do feel like I'm forgetting something.

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Oh, I know what I was going to ask for assistance of, okay?

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If you ladies that are maybe at work and have questions

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and maybe you can't unmute and you have a question,

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if you want to type that in the chat,

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go ahead and do that.

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And is there someone that's able to stay on and can unmute

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and would be able to kind of keep tabs on that for me?

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And if I miss something, they could be like,

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hey, Carla, we got a question in the chat.

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This is so-and-so's question.

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Is there anybody that can volunteer to do that for me?

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Anybody?

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I would, but I'm on my phone today,

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so it's harder to see both of them.

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Otherwise, I would.

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Okay.

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Anybody else?

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Maybe, maybe not.

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If you can, that's great.

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If not, I will do my best.

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Lori says she can.

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Yeah, Lori's going to cover it.

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Perfect.

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Yeah, so if you can kind of just help me out with that.

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We've got a lot of ladies in here today.

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I love it because we're getting so many new women

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from phase one stepping over.

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So we've got 24 of you ladies.

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So I want to make sure that I honor your time.

224
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And for those ladies that have been in phase two

225
00:17:21.700 --> 00:17:24.560
for a minute, they know I'm long-winded

226
00:17:24.560 --> 00:17:26.720
and I'm not usually short, brief, and powerful,

227
00:17:27.339 --> 00:17:29.600
even though I ask you all to be short, brief, and powerful.

228
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:33.680
It's an area that I need to grow in for sure.

229
00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:36.540
So if you can kind of keep an eye on that chat for me.

230
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And then anybody that is good at being short, brief,

231
00:17:40.040 --> 00:17:41.860
and powerful and is a good timekeeper,

232
00:17:42.620 --> 00:17:44.080
if you kind of keep me in check,

233
00:17:44.120 --> 00:17:45.720
I give you full permission to be like,

234
00:17:45.740 --> 00:17:49.300
okay, hey, Carla, that was like a couple minutes.

235
00:17:49.300 --> 00:17:51.820
Let's keep it moving, all right?

236
00:17:51.980 --> 00:17:54.360
So if anybody is willing to help me out with that,

237
00:17:54.740 --> 00:17:56.620
I really want to get better at that.

238
00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:58.860
And I'm going to ask that you ladies

239
00:17:58.860 --> 00:18:01.900
and give you permission to help keep me accountable for that.

240
00:18:01.940 --> 00:18:02.440
Sound good?

241
00:18:03.800 --> 00:18:04.180
Awesome.

242
00:18:04.800 --> 00:18:05.240
Okay.

243
00:18:06.140 --> 00:18:08.660
If you're new, welcome, welcome, welcome.

244
00:18:08.760 --> 00:18:10.760
I'm going to start us off with prayer real quick.

245
00:18:10.800 --> 00:18:12.580
And then I've got lots of questions.

246
00:18:12.700 --> 00:18:14.580
Like I said, I'm going to take Ashley first

247
00:18:14.580 --> 00:18:16.180
because she can only be on here for 30 minutes.

248
00:18:16.180 --> 00:18:19.760
And then we will go through that, okay?

249
00:18:20.420 --> 00:18:21.100
All right, Heavenly Father,

250
00:18:21.220 --> 00:18:23.320
I just thank you for this time together.

251
00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:26.580
I just thank you for the abundance of women

252
00:18:26.580 --> 00:18:28.020
that are on this call today, Lord.

253
00:18:28.020 --> 00:18:31.380
I just pray that as we grow in a community,

254
00:18:31.840 --> 00:18:32.960
that we get more and more ladies

255
00:18:32.960 --> 00:18:37.160
that are able to come on this one o'clock Eastern time call.

256
00:18:37.320 --> 00:18:40.280
We know that this is not always the easiest time to come.

257
00:18:40.520 --> 00:18:42.420
And so it just is wonderful

258
00:18:42.420 --> 00:18:44.300
when we can get more women in here

259
00:18:44.300 --> 00:18:47.180
and that we can get lots more questions in, Lord.

260
00:18:47.220 --> 00:18:51.000
And I just ask that we come with just questions

261
00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:53.080
that are just not just going to help

262
00:18:53.620 --> 00:18:55.240
whoever it is that has the question,

263
00:18:55.380 --> 00:18:57.500
but it's going to help the community in general, Lord.

264
00:18:58.360 --> 00:19:01.600
That these sisters began to form bonds with each other

265
00:19:01.600 --> 00:19:03.260
and build relationship with each other

266
00:19:03.260 --> 00:19:06.940
and that it helps each one of these women

267
00:19:06.940 --> 00:19:11.280
step into this vulnerable space of being honest,

268
00:19:11.280 --> 00:19:13.020
open and real and vulnerable

269
00:19:13.860 --> 00:19:17.040
and prepare themselves for what relationship is like,

270
00:19:17.540 --> 00:19:19.440
because sometimes it is uncomfortable

271
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:22.580
having to speak these emotions and these feelings

272
00:19:22.580 --> 00:19:25.060
and this rawness that we go through.

273
00:19:25.540 --> 00:19:28.960
And so I ask that you just help us in this season,

274
00:19:29.840 --> 00:19:31.580
remind us that you are with us, Lord,

275
00:19:32.060 --> 00:19:34.280
that we invite you into this space with us,

276
00:19:34.320 --> 00:19:35.660
that you speak to us,

277
00:19:36.340 --> 00:19:40.300
that we have open hearts and open minds and open ears

278
00:19:40.300 --> 00:19:43.200
to hear and feel and experience what it is

279
00:19:43.300 --> 00:19:45.680
that you want us to know,

280
00:19:46.100 --> 00:19:48.180
that you want us to feel your love,

281
00:19:48.280 --> 00:19:50.840
to know you, to cherish you,

282
00:19:51.060 --> 00:19:53.160
to know that we are loved by you,

283
00:19:53.300 --> 00:19:55.680
that you see us, that you hear us,

284
00:19:56.260 --> 00:19:58.240
that you've got good things for us, God,

285
00:19:58.780 --> 00:19:59.980
and that we just continue to do that.

286
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:08.260
continue to experience your love embrace that we trust that your desire for our marriage

287
00:20:08.260 --> 00:20:14.580
is bigger than our own desire and that bigger than that desire of marriage is your desire

288
00:20:14.580 --> 00:20:20.960
for us to step into the full healing and growth that you have for us.

289
00:20:21.840 --> 00:20:27.560
You want deeper connection and intimacy with us and through that you're going to bless

290
00:20:27.560 --> 00:20:33.940
us abundantly with deeper connections and relationships so we thank you for that promise

291
00:20:34.220 --> 00:20:39.840
and I ask that just a refreshness of hope and encouragement be released to each and every one

292
00:20:39.840 --> 00:20:46.600
of these women on the call today as well as those watching in replay in your son's name we pray amen

293
00:20:47.600 --> 00:20:56.680
all right okay I've got Ashley she's gonna jump on she's probably got about 10 minutes which is

294
00:20:56.680 --> 00:21:01.620
in the app today I'm going to kind of recap real quickly as best as I can if I leave anything out

295
00:21:01.620 --> 00:21:07.520
Ashley please let me know so Ashley has been conversing I would say with this gentleman

296
00:21:07.660 --> 00:21:16.700
gentleman in one of her swing dancing classes she's attracted to him but she's kind of sensing

297
00:21:16.980 --> 00:21:22.680
like he's not really in alignment with her and he's not really pursuing her but she's having to

298
00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:28.660
see him every time she goes to class and so there was kind of this time where

299
00:21:29.380 --> 00:21:32.620
it's kind of established that yeah this is probably not going to go anywhere

300
00:21:34.060 --> 00:21:41.820
and they kind of saw each other this past week and hung out she's getting some anxious feelings

301
00:21:41.820 --> 00:21:47.900
she got really annoyed because he seems interested but he's like yeah I'm not interested

302
00:21:47.900 --> 00:21:55.820
no he's very interested he's very he's very interested but he's not showing up in a way

303
00:21:55.820 --> 00:22:02.260
that shows that he has three m's right that yeah yeah not the three m's masculinity and marriage

304
00:22:02.260 --> 00:22:11.240
mindedness marriage minded masculine and mature okay and so we want to spend some time to help

305
00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:16.840
Ashley impact this a little bit and kind of walk through like what she's experiencing because this

306
00:22:16.840 --> 00:22:21.840
is what I like to do with you ladies here okay is I like to walk you through like what is it that

307
00:22:21.840 --> 00:22:27.420
you're experiencing okay I know it's really really easy for a lot of you ladies because I did this

308
00:22:27.500 --> 00:22:35.600
too it's really easy for us to focus on what the men are doing or not doing and we can easily see

309
00:22:35.600 --> 00:22:41.140
areas that where they might need to grow and heal in and it's really challenging for us to shift

310
00:22:41.140 --> 00:22:48.120
that focus to okay how can God use this for me because unfortunately we can't control

311
00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:56.780
what those guys do how they show up what healing they do or don't do the only thing that we get to

312
00:22:56.960 --> 00:23:06.100
control is how do we show up and how do we utilize these opportunities to grow us and prepare us for

313
00:23:06.100 --> 00:23:12.340
the relationship that God wants for us so I'm going to ask you Ashley just to kind of digest

314
00:23:12.340 --> 00:23:26.760
that for a minute okay and let's process and unpack what thoughts emotions feelings beliefs are surfacing

315
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:37.800
that you're experiencing with this guy as like you're seeing him you're spending time with them

316
00:23:38.620 --> 00:23:42.540
he's interested but not showing up in the way that shows the three m's

317
00:23:44.620 --> 00:23:49.660
you're engaging with them but you know like it's just not showing up the way that you want

318
00:23:50.020 --> 00:23:55.320
but you're not sure how to move forward because you know you're going to have to see this guy

319
00:23:57.040 --> 00:24:02.380
unless yeah yeah because the last thing you want to do is you don't need to change your schedule

320
00:24:03.580 --> 00:24:09.640
but we also want to help you possibly work through what are some boundaries that you can

321
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:15.800
work on for yourself and is there any discomfort that's coming up with that and what can we help

322
00:24:15.800 --> 00:24:22.500
you process okay I know I just said a lot so I'm going to give you some time to unpack that what's

323
00:24:22.500 --> 00:24:24.500
up for you so

324
00:24:28.360 --> 00:24:34.980
definitely attracted to him I know we we've already had a lot of and it wasn't even initially

325
00:24:34.980 --> 00:24:42.680
just as we've gotten we started so it's not lessons it's at a at a at a place to go that's

326
00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:47.960
specifically for swing dancing and east coast swing dancing and they always have a live band

327
00:24:47.960 --> 00:24:53.540
I've been dancing with them since the end of March okay and I've just enjoyed our conversations

328
00:24:53.540 --> 00:24:59.620
we have fun we're silly together and so we've been talking on and off since then I knew

329
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.380
I, like, I wasn't in this program yet then.

330
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:08.260
So I, I immediately like had read, like, I didn't rec,

331
00:25:08.260 --> 00:25:10.200
I didn't know, my walls were super high.

332
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:12.640
So it's been this whole process where I was like,

333
00:25:12.860 --> 00:25:14.560
okay, were those, were those just like,

334
00:25:14.860 --> 00:25:16.320
when I first met him, like, I was like,

335
00:25:16.340 --> 00:25:18.840
I felt like I knew him, but I didn't know why I knew him.

336
00:25:18.840 --> 00:25:20.140
Cause I've been going to the same place

337
00:25:20.140 --> 00:25:22.820
for like 30 years on and off.

338
00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:24.840
So it was pretty possible that I'd seen him before.

339
00:25:25.800 --> 00:25:29.820
And then, but I also felt like it had like just a lot,

340
00:25:29.820 --> 00:25:32.320
a lot of alarms going off first time I met him.

341
00:25:32.700 --> 00:25:34.400
Then starting here, I'm like, well,

342
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:35.720
were those actual alarms?

343
00:25:35.800 --> 00:25:38.280
Like now that I don't have my walls up so high

344
00:25:38.500 --> 00:25:40.800
and, and then not recognizing things,

345
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:43.180
some recognizing some things he'd said,

346
00:25:43.700 --> 00:25:48.240
but not really knowing what that meant.

347
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:48.820
Right.

348
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:51.320
So we're very on opposite side.

349
00:25:51.620 --> 00:25:56.500
We're very opposite for some big,

350
00:25:56.500 --> 00:25:59.220
some big things with, with theologically.

351
00:25:59.980 --> 00:26:02.440
We like to talk about it and it's like,

352
00:26:02.460 --> 00:26:03.840
just butting heads, we're like on the opposite.

353
00:26:04.420 --> 00:26:05.820
And, and it's like, what, like, it's like,

354
00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:06.520
are you getting me?

355
00:26:06.580 --> 00:26:07.700
You're not getting me.

356
00:26:08.200 --> 00:26:11.820
And he like, and so like, we just,

357
00:26:12.080 --> 00:26:13.520
we already know, like, it can't happen.

358
00:26:13.560 --> 00:26:14.480
It's not going to work.

359
00:26:14.520 --> 00:26:19.020
Like, there's no, like, it's just not.

360
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.420
What, what's leading you to that?

361
00:26:25.120 --> 00:26:27.580
Like, like there's been a non-negotiable,

362
00:26:27.700 --> 00:26:28.920
like, this is not going to work.

363
00:26:28.940 --> 00:26:30.120
Like, what has God shown you

364
00:26:30.120 --> 00:26:32.220
as to why this is not going to work?

365
00:26:35.300 --> 00:26:37.940
Well, the one of them that I mentioned to him last,

366
00:26:38.300 --> 00:26:40.100
so besides, you know, not, I can,

367
00:26:40.180 --> 00:26:44.180
so one of the things he's already like super possessive

368
00:26:44.180 --> 00:26:48.260
of me, like does not want me to date anyone else,

369
00:26:48.300 --> 00:26:49.000
talk to anyone else, like,

370
00:26:49.740 --> 00:26:53.160
he did come to church with me one time,

371
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:55.100
but remember, like, we've been talking for a long time.

372
00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:56.620
So it was like the first, like,

373
00:26:56.620 --> 00:26:58.240
time that we really hung out,

374
00:26:58.600 --> 00:27:00.980
but over that first weekend, but,

375
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:06.040
and, and I go, technically it's non-denominational,

376
00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:08.120
but I guess you could say it's like Pentecostal.

377
00:27:08.200 --> 00:27:09.900
It's a Bethel church plant,

378
00:27:09.900 --> 00:27:11.160
like Bethel Reading church plant.

379
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:12.160
Yeah, gotcha.

380
00:27:12.300 --> 00:27:14.800
So pastor had asked if he wanted, you know,

381
00:27:15.080 --> 00:27:17.020
hands laid on us afterwards for like more

382
00:27:17.020 --> 00:27:17.800
playing with the Holy Spirit.

383
00:27:17.800 --> 00:27:19.040
He did not like that.

384
00:27:19.160 --> 00:27:21.260
I did, he did not like, he like,

385
00:27:21.260 --> 00:27:22.760
where's it like, I did not like that.

386
00:27:22.760 --> 00:27:23.540
He laid hands on you.

387
00:27:23.540 --> 00:27:24.760
Like that he was touching you.

388
00:27:24.760 --> 00:27:27.400
I'm like, he touched my head and his wife was next to him.

389
00:27:29.140 --> 00:27:31.800
And there was a bunch of people like,

390
00:27:34.800 --> 00:27:35.680
and then,

391
00:27:40.100 --> 00:27:41.960
that's like the thing that I've,

392
00:27:42.820 --> 00:27:44.840
like jumps out to me the most.

393
00:27:45.260 --> 00:27:45.700
Yeah.

394
00:27:45.700 --> 00:27:47.020
I know there's other little things.

395
00:27:48.620 --> 00:27:51.520
Well, and I think even you've just mentioned

396
00:27:51.840 --> 00:27:54.000
your theology doesn't really align.

397
00:27:54.160 --> 00:27:55.940
And I think that's a big one for a lot of you.

398
00:27:56.900 --> 00:27:56.900


399
00:27:56.940 --> 00:27:57.400
It is.

400
00:27:58.220 --> 00:27:58.320
Like that's important.

401
00:27:58.640 --> 00:27:59.700
It really is.

402
00:27:59.700 --> 00:28:03.260
Like you want your beliefs to be in alignment.

403
00:28:03.380 --> 00:28:05.040
And I'm not saying that they always have to be

404
00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:08.140
perfectly aligned because there's always gonna be growth

405
00:28:08.140 --> 00:28:09.920
in your faith and all that kind of stuff,

406
00:28:10.660 --> 00:28:14.620
but you've gotta have a foundation that aligns.

407
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:16.560
Like you wanna be equally yoked.

408
00:28:17.080 --> 00:28:17.260
Yeah.

409
00:28:17.260 --> 00:28:20.160
When we talked last night, he was like,

410
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:22.120
yeah, if we were together, that'd stop immediately.

411
00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:23.640
I was like, yeah, no, it's not stopping.

412
00:28:24.460 --> 00:28:25.800
So not happening.

413
00:28:26.120 --> 00:28:27.160
We already know this.

414
00:28:27.780 --> 00:28:29.140
So why are you now asking me to drive

415
00:28:29.140 --> 00:28:30.460
in hours with you to Minnesota?

416
00:28:31.320 --> 00:28:33.980
This is not your thing.

417
00:28:34.780 --> 00:28:36.380
Like, this is not someone.

418
00:28:37.140 --> 00:28:37.440
Yes.

419
00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:41.820
But there's this attraction that's like, it just.

420
00:28:42.540 --> 00:28:43.080
Yes.

421
00:28:43.080 --> 00:28:44.340
It's so annoying.

422
00:28:44.560 --> 00:28:45.040
And I'm like,

423
00:28:45.040 --> 00:28:47.400
and so I'm like, is this something that,

424
00:28:48.680 --> 00:28:50.200
and I noticed, I told him this too,

425
00:28:50.240 --> 00:28:53.860
like I noticed like there's some things that he says

426
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:56.860
that I'm like, that's like a mindset like that my ex had.

427
00:28:56.900 --> 00:28:57.980
Like, and that's not healthy.

428
00:28:58.040 --> 00:28:59.300
Like I've been there, I've done that.

429
00:28:59.320 --> 00:29:01.740
I'm not doing that again, not happening.

430
00:29:03.840 --> 00:29:03.960
And,

431
00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:09.080
and so I'm like, so is this like,

432
00:29:10.420 --> 00:29:12.200
like something, like it's,

433
00:29:12.200 --> 00:29:15.260
it feels normal, right?

434
00:29:15.320 --> 00:29:16.280
It feels familiar.

435
00:29:16.680 --> 00:29:18.280
Like it's like a familiar spirit.

436
00:29:18.700 --> 00:29:20.440
Let me ask you, did your,

437
00:29:20.900 --> 00:29:23.040
is this an ex-husband, ex-boyfriend?

438
00:29:23.600 --> 00:29:23.600


439
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:25.900
Was your ex-husband possessive?

440
00:29:27.160 --> 00:29:29.060
I don't think so.

441
00:29:29.320 --> 00:29:30.840
And I, well, actually now that I recall,

442
00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:34.940
your ex-husband, he was the one that, remind me,

443
00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:36.920
and I, again, I apologize

444
00:29:36.920 --> 00:29:39.020
if I've crossed someone else's story with yours.

445
00:29:39.020 --> 00:29:43.560
Was he the one that was out with other women?

446
00:29:44.860 --> 00:29:47.000
I mean, if he was, I didn't know it.

447
00:29:47.000 --> 00:29:47.440
Okay.

448
00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:50.500
There was somebody that talked about this.

449
00:29:50.900 --> 00:29:51.920
There was recently, yeah.

450
00:29:51.940 --> 00:29:52.380
Okay.

451
00:29:52.380 --> 00:29:54.100
There was somebody that talked about it.

452
00:29:54.100 --> 00:29:55.640
I couldn't remember if that was you or not.

453
00:29:55.640 --> 00:29:56.360
Cause then I'm like, okay,

454
00:29:56.360 --> 00:29:58.960
that wouldn't have been possession, something else.

455
00:29:58.960 --> 00:29:59.400
Okay.

456
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:08.660
what okay so your ex-husband wasn't possessive but what feels familiar about this guy and this

457
00:30:08.660 --> 00:30:19.200
mister uh your ex um so he's comes with a very religious background very very religious like

458
00:30:19.320 --> 00:30:23.420
like you know law-based this is what it says this is what we're gonna do

459
00:30:23.460 --> 00:30:29.140
one of the reasons that he likes me is because i when we dance i follow really well like he

460
00:30:29.140 --> 00:30:34.000
really like he talks about it a lot lately like he really likes how well i follow he seems to

461
00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:39.760
think that's gonna be the same in a relationship i'm like no no nope that's not because i'm a

462
00:30:39.760 --> 00:30:46.000
person like dancing and like having like he's and i'm like i he's very much into the like the wife

463
00:30:46.120 --> 00:30:59.120
submits the husband i'm like yeah but you have to like listen to what she's saying like have a

464
00:30:59.120 --> 00:31:02.380
i was like maybe some of the things that you said

465
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:12.360
what was that go ahead some of the things i was gonna say so some i told him last night i was

466
00:31:12.500 --> 00:31:17.360
like so some of the things you said like i could just be

467
00:31:18.140 --> 00:31:18.520
um

468
00:31:21.720 --> 00:31:29.700
more reaction to my dad about it he was like wait he said i some of that cut out

469
00:31:29.700 --> 00:31:36.760
he said that you could be having a reaction because i told him i told him that like some

470
00:31:36.760 --> 00:31:42.580
of the things that he said that reminds me of my ex like and some of those things could be because

471
00:31:44.280 --> 00:31:49.920
uh because i notice it more because i'm aware aware of it so like it could be like a little

472
00:31:49.920 --> 00:31:55.040
thing that he doesn't actually like it wouldn't actually play out the same way but i'm noticing

473
00:31:55.040 --> 00:32:02.900
it because i'm sensitive to it you are recognizing that he's not saying okay yeah okay well so those

474
00:32:02.900 --> 00:32:09.280
are things that's just coming up in your spirit yeah okay that's good i know it's not right in

475
00:32:09.280 --> 00:32:15.300
at all in in general like we shouldn't well hold on no but you know what makes you say that it's

476
00:32:15.300 --> 00:32:22.780
not right i know like him and i being together oh okay okay i thought you meant like that thought

477
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:26.340
process not being right like it's not it's not right for you to think that way i'm like

478
00:32:29.540 --> 00:32:34.120
let's know it's good to be aware of but i don't want to it's good to be aware of but i don't want

479
00:32:34.120 --> 00:32:40.360
to be like hypersensitive i think that anytime anyone says something that sounds similar that i'm

480
00:32:41.700 --> 00:32:47.900
running although i'm not running but i think you recognizing okay you don't want to be hypersensitive

481
00:32:47.900 --> 00:32:57.220
to it is showing you that you are being mindful of it okay i also from my own experience this is

482
00:32:57.220 --> 00:33:03.380
just from my own wisdom is if something is coming up like that it's probably an indication that i

483
00:33:03.380 --> 00:33:10.020
need to look at it so there was a couple things that you mentioned that i'd like you to spend some

484
00:33:10.020 --> 00:33:13.360
time and then we're gonna end up moving on to somebody else because again yeah because i gotta

485
00:33:13.360 --> 00:33:19.520
hop back i'm gonna listen in still though i'm from my phone okay um is

486
00:33:21.940 --> 00:33:28.480
this thought process like you kind of had this reaction i i noticed this reaction of you know

487
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:41.600
you mentioned how you follow well in dance and there was almost this wall when you thought about

488
00:33:41.600 --> 00:33:48.880
having to be submissive in relationship and i agree with you like yes it is a two-person

489
00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:58.660
commitment all right so i i know like this is very familiar to me okay i i i think a lot of

490
00:33:58.660 --> 00:34:04.860
women on this call will will will share many of the same experiences beliefs and such like

491
00:34:05.340 --> 00:34:09.840
if any of you recall especially those ladies that maybe just came out of heartwork

492
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:15.440
in jackie's heartwork book there is a chapter on the word submissive

493
00:34:16.780 --> 00:34:20.219
towards the beginning i believe does anybody remember that

494
00:34:21.540 --> 00:34:28.600
yeah and we're asked to kind of dive into that word and some of us and i was one of these people

495
00:34:28.600 --> 00:34:36.800
that didn't like that word submission there was it was a trigger word for me like i didn't like

496
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:48.699
the idea of that and so i'm not saying that this guy i've honestly i this guy don't like

497
00:34:48.699 --> 00:34:52.440
some of the signs that he's showing i don't think he's got the free ends

498
00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:59.080
i think you're very keen and very aware and holy spirit is making you aware that this is not

499
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.040
a spirit mate match and you have the awareness of it right now you're kind of pulling tugging

500
00:35:06.040 --> 00:35:12.280
and turning like you're in this state of like what am i feeling what am i experiencing this is new

501
00:35:12.280 --> 00:35:18.040
this is different what's going on here can i can i speak into that for a second as i'm switching

502
00:35:18.040 --> 00:35:25.460
things over okay so i know part part of the attraction is is that is that he is attracted

503
00:35:25.460 --> 00:35:35.480
to me like i don't remember my ex like desiring and enjoying me and looking at me like i like

504
00:35:35.480 --> 00:35:40.860
seriously i've thought about like i'm like ever ever like the way that he does and enjoys me

505
00:35:40.940 --> 00:35:47.540
so it's really nice and you know it's been a while it's been a minute and so

506
00:35:47.720 --> 00:35:53.520
yeah so it's almost like this guy is feeling something that you've desired

507
00:35:55.800 --> 00:36:01.720
and it feels good yeah that's annoying but yeah i get it

508
00:36:03.040 --> 00:36:11.020
i experienced that one time too and what's great is that this is a safe safe place for you to come

509
00:36:11.640 --> 00:36:18.940
and be vulnerable and share that and you have a support system and a team of women that are here

510
00:36:19.040 --> 00:36:26.340
to lift you up and hold you accountable and to help you process that yeah and that's really

511
00:36:26.340 --> 00:36:32.120
the best thing like i'm like i'm not sure i need i need a wing woman to go with me and be like girl

512
00:36:33.240 --> 00:36:41.860
just stop i was yeah a song i was listening to today while i was at work um i've not heard it

513
00:36:42.240 --> 00:36:47.700
before and so i i really just have to picture things so much all the time and i was like

514
00:36:47.740 --> 00:36:52.700
like i was like god i know you were there like but like where where were you and he was like

515
00:36:52.740 --> 00:36:56.620
like literally i was there watching the entire time i just needed you to turn and hold my hand

516
00:36:56.620 --> 00:37:02.900
walk away and i was like he was like i'm your protector i was right there i was right there

517
00:37:03.020 --> 00:37:09.740
and i was like before you go into these um this and i know you said it's not a dance class but

518
00:37:09.740 --> 00:37:16.940
before you go yeah do you ever stop and like pray before you walk in like you sit in your cart and

519
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:23.420
pray yes what happened friday night is that i thought he was mad at me he hadn't texted me in

520
00:37:23.420 --> 00:37:27.480
basically like three weeks so i wasn't i knew i was gonna see him and dance and i was like

521
00:37:27.620 --> 00:37:30.880
that'll be it and then he was like you want to go out and i'm like what are you talking about

522
00:37:31.040 --> 00:37:35.640
you were kind of just like it he threw you off right you were kind of going into like i don't

523
00:37:35.640 --> 00:37:42.700
even have to worry about this like yeah i thought we were all done not anymore he like pulled a fast

524
00:37:42.700 --> 00:37:52.840
one on you yeah yeah okay because so i think next week when you go in um you go in knowing okay this

525
00:37:52.840 --> 00:38:00.320
this guy's gonna pull a fast one on me i like being desired but this is not the type of desire

526
00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:08.200
that god has for me he's got a masculine mature marriage-minded man for me and this isn't it

527
00:38:08.760 --> 00:38:17.660
this is familiar this feels good because it's something that i didn't have in my last relationship

528
00:38:18.300 --> 00:38:23.820
so it's almost like oh i get to have it but it's still not what god has for me

529
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:31.240
but i'm also recognizing areas where there are certain things that this

530
00:38:31.240 --> 00:38:36.580
man doesn't have that wouldn't make a good spirit mate and i can trust myself

531
00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:41.040
and i can trust that god speaks to me and i can trust

532
00:38:41.340 --> 00:38:44.600
that god is right there and all i have to do is hold his hand

533
00:38:45.560 --> 00:38:54.300
and i think it's going to be empowering for you to spend some time with holy spirit and ask

534
00:38:55.240 --> 00:39:08.020
what are some practical things that i can do to create boundaries what can i say how can i say it

535
00:39:08.020 --> 00:39:13.820
can i block his number can i share with him in the beginning like hey

536
00:39:15.060 --> 00:39:23.220
i want to be straightforward i'm in a season right now where i'm investing in getting to know people

537
00:39:23.220 --> 00:39:29.500
and relationships because it's what i desire for my future and i don't have the time to

538
00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:33.840
invest in things that's not going to go somewhere i've enjoyed my time with you

539
00:39:34.500 --> 00:39:40.060
but i also need to allow for no distractions in my life right now

540
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:46.120
and so i know we're going to see each other but i'm going to ask that you kindly give me space

541
00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:49.760
can you please honor that

542
00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:53.440
and then you block them

543
00:39:56.360 --> 00:39:58.920
how does that feel or sound

544
00:40:01.740 --> 00:40:10.940
It's going to be hard and I know I don't, oh, there you are.

545
00:40:11.120 --> 00:40:11.140
Okay.

546
00:40:11.260 --> 00:40:11.800
I'm back.

547
00:40:11.840 --> 00:40:12.420
I'm back at my desk.

548
00:40:12.540 --> 00:40:12.880
Yeah.

549
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:18.120
So can't really, and I didn't catch all of it, so I'll have to go back and, and listen.

550
00:40:18.240 --> 00:40:21.040
We'll just sit on that and then update us in the app.

551
00:40:21.200 --> 00:40:21.520
Okay.

552
00:40:21.520 --> 00:40:26.100
You might want to rewatch and replay cause sometimes like rehearing some of that.

553
00:40:26.120 --> 00:40:28.620
And again, spend time, a Holy spirit ladies.

554
00:40:28.620 --> 00:40:32.900
I encourage all of you ladies to do that anytime you're getting any coaching, whether it's

555
00:40:32.900 --> 00:40:37.780
on the app or whether it be here, spend time digesting it with the Lord.

556
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:39.580
Okay.

557
00:40:40.020 --> 00:40:42.620
Really, really spend time with that.

558
00:40:43.280 --> 00:40:43.280


559
00:40:46.900 --> 00:40:48.920
So God is your source.

560
00:40:50.540 --> 00:40:51.800
He's always your source.

561
00:40:52.720 --> 00:40:54.920
We can be here to support you.

562
00:40:54.920 --> 00:41:00.020
We're your team of coaches that were here to help you, that God can use us, but he's

563
00:41:00.020 --> 00:41:00.700
your source.

564
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:02.380
Okay.

565
00:41:02.380 --> 00:41:07.940
And he will pull out what it is that he wants to use and what we share.

566
00:41:08.140 --> 00:41:14.840
It's going to speak to your heart and minister to you and where you're at and where he wants

567
00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:15.860
to take you.

568
00:41:16.480 --> 00:41:19.660
Does that help all of you?

569
00:41:19.780 --> 00:41:20.140
I hope.

570
00:41:21.580 --> 00:41:22.120
Okay.

571
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:23.540
All right.

572
00:41:23.540 --> 00:41:23.540


573
00:41:23.540 --> 00:41:27.780
I think my girl Gail, she's got to jump off, so I'm going to take her and then we will

574
00:41:27.780 --> 00:41:29.060
get back in line here.

575
00:41:29.200 --> 00:41:31.220
Was there any questions that I miss?

576
00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:36.720
I think Rachel said in the app dating, how do you get out of leading the conversation?

577
00:41:36.860 --> 00:41:40.000
These guys aren't asking questions, Rachel, that's a really good question.

578
00:41:40.580 --> 00:41:43.020
Short answer for that is on the apps.

579
00:41:43.060 --> 00:41:46.760
There's really not a whole lot of like the men leading.

580
00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:50.680
Like this is where we, we really kind of talk about more reciprocation.

581
00:41:51.560 --> 00:41:58.480
You are going to encounter men that just don't know how to do the online dating thing.

582
00:41:58.660 --> 00:42:00.120
They have their own insecurities.

583
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:03.900
They have their own, like they have their own stuff and they don't have coaches like

584
00:42:03.900 --> 00:42:04.600
y'all have.

585
00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:07.900
And so we want to really offer some grace.

586
00:42:08.140 --> 00:42:08.680
Okay.

587
00:42:08.680 --> 00:42:12.980
We want to watch to see, are we getting offended easily?

588
00:42:13.040 --> 00:42:19.600
And if so, what thoughts and beliefs are coming up in that offense and what area can we grow

589
00:42:19.600 --> 00:42:19.700
in?

590
00:42:20.300 --> 00:42:25.180
Like, how can God use that offense to kind of point and direct us in an area that we

591
00:42:25.260 --> 00:42:26.800
might need some healing?

592
00:42:27.140 --> 00:42:27.440
Okay.

593
00:42:27.860 --> 00:42:29.680
So I love that question.

594
00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:40.700
The best thing I can suggest for all of you is get a list of questions, icebreaker questions,

595
00:42:41.700 --> 00:42:48.920
see what you can pull out, you know, do a little back and forth and then get those video

596
00:42:48.920 --> 00:42:51.560
dates or those phone calls or those in-person dates within the week.

597
00:42:53.300 --> 00:42:53.860
Okay.

598
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:59.040
And we can discuss that a little more if we need to.

599
00:42:59.720 --> 00:43:01.120
But again, this is just a process.

600
00:43:01.240 --> 00:43:05.120
And as you ladies are in this community and as ladies are coming with their questions,

601
00:43:05.720 --> 00:43:10.760
y'all are going to be able to glean wisdom and knowledge and experience from other, what

602
00:43:10.760 --> 00:43:12.440
other ladies share in the community.

603
00:43:12.600 --> 00:43:13.020
Okay.

604
00:43:14.100 --> 00:43:15.500
And yeah, I get it.

605
00:43:15.500 --> 00:43:17.000
Sometimes quality of matches.

606
00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:18.340
It can be difficult.

607
00:43:19.300 --> 00:43:21.140
And yes, sometimes it's just where you live.

608
00:43:21.260 --> 00:43:22.380
It's what app you're on.

609
00:43:22.460 --> 00:43:26.040
I always say, just give yourself a few months in one app.

610
00:43:27.300 --> 00:43:32.720
One of my friends when I was in this, in this program and she was in it with me, she was

611
00:43:32.720 --> 00:43:33.300
an entrepreneur.

612
00:43:33.740 --> 00:43:38.560
She had a business mind and she's like, it's kind of one of those things is that you got

613
00:43:38.560 --> 00:43:41.060
to go through a lot of no's to get a yes.

614
00:43:41.680 --> 00:43:44.540
And as much as I was like, gosh, I hate that.

615
00:43:45.140 --> 00:43:46.240
Like that sucks.

616
00:43:47.600 --> 00:43:48.580
It was true.

617
00:43:49.620 --> 00:43:57.420
Like you might get more no's than you get yeses at first, but if you approach it in

618
00:43:57.420 --> 00:44:02.140
this process of that, you know, God can use each and one of these opportunities and experiences

619
00:44:02.140 --> 00:44:07.260
to grow you and allow you to learn a little bit more about yourself and what you like

620
00:44:07.260 --> 00:44:08.280
and what you don't like.

621
00:44:10.040 --> 00:44:11.360
That's that's a win.

622
00:44:12.500 --> 00:44:13.100
Okay.

623
00:44:14.680 --> 00:44:19.440
Um, and yeah, just in a couple, just be on a couple of Facebook dating.

624
00:44:19.500 --> 00:44:22.600
I know like that was one of my favorites.

625
00:44:22.780 --> 00:44:23.580
It's free.

626
00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:25.260
It's easy.

627
00:44:26.920 --> 00:44:32.320
Um, like I was a single mom, so I wasn't trying to spend a lot of money on all these apps.

628
00:44:32.640 --> 00:44:36.740
And sometimes I was reluctant, like how much money am I going to drop?

629
00:44:37.720 --> 00:44:42.660
And yeah, they like market you to buy and then it's like, once you spend the money,

630
00:44:42.660 --> 00:44:45.220
you're like, wait a minute, right?

631
00:44:45.420 --> 00:44:49.020
And then you're also going to come into apps where there's going to be this like season

632
00:44:49.020 --> 00:44:49.800
of ebb and flow.

633
00:44:49.940 --> 00:44:51.820
Like sometimes it's raining men, hallelujah.

634
00:44:52.020 --> 00:44:54.800
The next next moment, you're like, wait a minute.

635
00:44:55.740 --> 00:44:58.500
Like there's a drought with where are they going?

636
00:44:58.940 --> 00:44:59.740
Or what?

637
00:44:59.960 --> 00:44:59.960


638
00:44:59.980 --> 00:44:59.980


639
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.460
You see, you're like, is this what is out there?

640
00:45:06.240 --> 00:45:07.920
Like, where the good men at?

641
00:45:08.960 --> 00:45:11.320
Okay, so just keep that in mind.

642
00:45:11.560 --> 00:45:15.200
You know, again, don't get discouraged.

643
00:45:15.860 --> 00:45:17.080
It can be discouraging.

644
00:45:18.820 --> 00:45:19.900
Share it with us here.

645
00:45:20.620 --> 00:45:23.540
Like I will do my best to be your cheerleader

646
00:45:23.540 --> 00:45:25.700
to pump you up, share my experience

647
00:45:25.780 --> 00:45:28.200
and just know like we've all been there

648
00:45:28.920 --> 00:45:33.300
but God is good and he can use any situation

649
00:45:33.300 --> 00:45:35.220
and the circumstances to bring you your spirit mate.

650
00:45:36.540 --> 00:45:39.820
Okay, so keep that in mind.

651
00:45:40.340 --> 00:45:42.540
All right, Gail, how are you?

652
00:45:43.160 --> 00:45:44.920
What questions do you have for me today?

653
00:45:45.300 --> 00:45:49.900
This is exactly two weeks I've been into this phase.

654
00:45:50.300 --> 00:45:54.060
Last week, I think I spoke and said help.

655
00:45:54.220 --> 00:45:55.520
I went onto Facebook.

656
00:45:56.480 --> 00:46:01.340
I was inundated with 15 to 20 matches.

657
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:02.880


658
00:46:04.380 --> 00:46:09.120
And I was just basically, I listened to the Dating 101

659
00:46:09.120 --> 00:46:12.460
and, you know, she did say some people are quite sensitive.

660
00:46:13.500 --> 00:46:15.100
You know, it's overwhelming and that's,

661
00:46:15.300 --> 00:46:17.040
I almost felt like I was having a breakdown

662
00:46:17.040 --> 00:46:18.440
trying to answer everybody.

663
00:46:18.620 --> 00:46:20.680
So I paused it.

664
00:46:20.680 --> 00:46:22.980
But in the process, I met a gentleman

665
00:46:22.980 --> 00:46:25.200
who kept standing out to me.

666
00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:26.920
It was on the second day.

667
00:46:27.300 --> 00:46:28.220
I'm gonna fast forward.

668
00:46:30.080 --> 00:46:32.220
I spent hours in my Bible.

669
00:46:32.700 --> 00:46:34.100
I spent hours, I'm retired.

670
00:46:34.400 --> 00:46:37.240
I love going deep and having deep conversations.

671
00:46:37.340 --> 00:46:40.080
And he happened to be an author of like seven books

672
00:46:40.380 --> 00:46:45.960
that are Bible commentaries he sells on Amazon.

673
00:46:46.220 --> 00:46:50.460
So very, very intelligent on scripture.

674
00:46:50.460 --> 00:46:55.900
And so we literally spoke several times a day.

675
00:46:55.940 --> 00:46:58.000
And this is the breaking the rules, I know,

676
00:46:58.220 --> 00:46:59.520
like a couple of hours.

677
00:46:59.720 --> 00:47:02.120
And I know it's not supposed to happen the first week.

678
00:47:03.120 --> 00:47:04.380
But it did.

679
00:47:04.380 --> 00:47:04.860
I did it too.

680
00:47:05.380 --> 00:47:05.800
It did.

681
00:47:05.860 --> 00:47:07.560
You get graced in this group.

682
00:47:08.300 --> 00:47:11.760
Yeah, I mean, we hit everything off.

683
00:47:11.860 --> 00:47:15.780
And as a matter of fact, the day of our, the Thursday,

684
00:47:15.960 --> 00:47:18.980
which was our one week anniversary of talking,

685
00:47:19.700 --> 00:47:23.100
he surprised me by calling and saying,

686
00:47:23.320 --> 00:47:24.820
I'm a half an hour from your house.

687
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:27.260
He's about an hour and a half, two hours away.

688
00:47:27.620 --> 00:47:28.720
Can I take you to breakfast?

689
00:47:28.820 --> 00:47:30.320
Cause I know you have a busy schedule.

690
00:47:30.520 --> 00:47:33.340
So we met in person, took me to breakfast.

691
00:47:34.080 --> 00:47:36.100
He walked me to my doorstep.

692
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:40.000
I mean, I met him at the restaurant, but I walked there.

693
00:47:40.500 --> 00:47:42.120
So he's very strict.

694
00:47:42.560 --> 00:47:44.320
You know, I'm not gonna even go on your stairs.

695
00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:45.680
He already told me the rules.

696
00:47:45.680 --> 00:47:47.620
I mean, it's like, he's given me the rules

697
00:47:47.620 --> 00:47:48.920
of physical contact,

698
00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:53.340
not holding hands until we're, you know,

699
00:47:53.460 --> 00:47:55.780
committed and stuff, so, which is fine.

700
00:47:56.060 --> 00:47:58.800
I didn't, it was something he brought up

701
00:47:58.800 --> 00:47:59.720
and I agreed with him.

702
00:48:00.100 --> 00:48:01.240
It was very lovely.

703
00:48:02.200 --> 00:48:06.520
And we continued talking, but this past Saturday,

704
00:48:07.800 --> 00:48:10.460
well, he decided, let's read one of my books,

705
00:48:10.860 --> 00:48:13.040
you know, together online, you know,

706
00:48:13.040 --> 00:48:14.040
during our Zoom meetings.

707
00:48:14.740 --> 00:48:17.840
And we got into the fact that I didn't know he,

708
00:48:19.060 --> 00:48:21.500
he thought women should wear coverings.

709
00:48:23.060 --> 00:48:25.780
And I kind of went, disagreed.

710
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:27.840
I felt like my hair was my covering

711
00:48:28.020 --> 00:48:31.420
and the man, you know, that I'm married,

712
00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:34.440
would be married to, right now it's my pastors

713
00:48:34.440 --> 00:48:36.040
are the head, you know, my covering.

714
00:48:36.240 --> 00:48:38.700
And that's just how I believe, okay.

715
00:48:38.700 --> 00:48:40.340
I'm not pushing it on anybody here.

716
00:48:40.340 --> 00:48:43.040
But he insisted that I needed a cloth

717
00:48:43.040 --> 00:48:45.900
on my head in church.

718
00:48:46.680 --> 00:48:49.040
And then, so everything seemed okay.

719
00:48:49.180 --> 00:48:51.520
And he, but he was getting increasingly,

720
00:48:52.860 --> 00:48:56.180
and I was, again, rule breaker number two,

721
00:48:56.540 --> 00:48:59.380
he was saying, asking me how many people I'm talking to

722
00:48:59.380 --> 00:49:00.880
when I told him, you know, I'm inundated.

723
00:49:01.000 --> 00:49:02.200
I have like 30 people,

724
00:49:02.360 --> 00:49:05.680
but I'm probably talking on the phone to two,

725
00:49:05.680 --> 00:49:06.960
I think two or three others.

726
00:49:07.960 --> 00:49:09.500
So Saturday night, he said,

727
00:49:09.520 --> 00:49:13.360
I really wish that you would focus on us, you know,

728
00:49:13.400 --> 00:49:16.040
because I told him it's a yes until it's a no, correct?

729
00:49:16.040 --> 00:49:18.500
I just said that was, you know, it's a yes till it's no.

730
00:49:18.540 --> 00:49:19.860
And I don't have any no's yet.

731
00:49:20.060 --> 00:49:21.520
He said, well, I don't either,

732
00:49:21.880 --> 00:49:26.520
but can we be exclusive until we find a no?

733
00:49:28.360 --> 00:49:30.220
And which was, I'm gonna get off.

734
00:49:30.240 --> 00:49:31.380
He said, I'm gonna get off.

735
00:49:31.460 --> 00:49:33.200
He was like on six dating apps.

736
00:49:33.220 --> 00:49:35.440
And I said, well, I'm only on Facebook.

737
00:49:35.440 --> 00:49:37.720
So I will pause it.

738
00:49:38.300 --> 00:49:40.260
And I got rid of many of the men,

739
00:49:40.500 --> 00:49:41.560
unmatched many of the men

740
00:49:41.560 --> 00:49:44.020
that really I wasn't 100% interested.

741
00:49:44.100 --> 00:49:45.300
I wasn't really interested.

742
00:49:45.580 --> 00:49:49.480
I was just gonna talk with them and see where we're at.

743
00:49:49.620 --> 00:49:51.500
But some of the things were triggers.

744
00:49:51.740 --> 00:49:54.700
I mean, like yellow flags to me in their commentaries,

745
00:49:54.800 --> 00:49:56.060
but I thought I'd give them a chance.

746
00:49:56.620 --> 00:49:58.060
So I did that.

747
00:49:58.140 --> 00:49:59.220
That was Saturday night.

748
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.500
And he wanted to listen to my church online, streamed online.

749
00:50:05.240 --> 00:50:08.060
And so I gave him the link to it.

750
00:50:08.200 --> 00:50:12.180
And when I got home after I went to church and women's meeting,

751
00:50:12.520 --> 00:50:15.900
when I got home, he said, well, that's a nice church,

752
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:20.420
but it's not really a New Testament church.

753
00:50:21.240 --> 00:50:23.680
Now I go to, I said, well, what do you mean?

754
00:50:23.740 --> 00:50:26.480
He says, you have a stage on your church.

755
00:50:26.480 --> 00:50:31.080
I said, yeah, that's where the the worship team stands

756
00:50:31.080 --> 00:50:34.240
and the pastor stands because it's a church of like 400 people.

757
00:50:34.260 --> 00:50:35.480
So you got to see him.

758
00:50:35.820 --> 00:50:38.620
And he said, well, I only believe in home churches

759
00:50:38.620 --> 00:50:40.180
because that's what they did in the New Testament.

760
00:50:40.180 --> 00:50:42.920
So then he started tearing apart my church.

761
00:50:42.920 --> 00:50:45.500
He says, a good church for church, but it's a brick.

762
00:50:45.680 --> 00:50:47.880
You know, we need to be in people's homes.

763
00:50:48.000 --> 00:50:52.360
And I said, listen, we have small groups in our church all over the place.

764
00:50:52.360 --> 00:50:54.700
I belong to two of them where we meet in people's homes

765
00:50:54.700 --> 00:50:57.260
and smaller groups and do, you know, do our thing.

766
00:50:57.580 --> 00:50:59.840
So it's not like we don't have small groups.

767
00:51:00.620 --> 00:51:04.140
But he got really adamant that it wasn't scriptural.

768
00:51:04.800 --> 00:51:05.680
And so.

769
00:51:06.640 --> 00:51:08.580
So what was your response to all this?

770
00:51:09.040 --> 00:51:13.040
Like, I told him, I said, you know, I said, you have a daughter.

771
00:51:13.800 --> 00:51:15.420
I mean, I used a word picture.

772
00:51:15.420 --> 00:51:16.500
I said, you have a daughter.

773
00:51:16.940 --> 00:51:19.260
If somebody started criticizing your daughter,

774
00:51:19.260 --> 00:51:20.340
you'd get really defensive.

775
00:51:20.340 --> 00:51:21.420
And he said, yeah.

776
00:51:21.460 --> 00:51:22.880
And he says, what do you mean?

777
00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:25.040
And I said, well, that family is a family.

778
00:51:25.200 --> 00:51:26.500
That's my family.

779
00:51:26.680 --> 00:51:27.700
I have no parents.

780
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:29.680
They have love on me.

781
00:51:30.720 --> 00:51:33.260
They've given me a ministry, a woman's ministry.

782
00:51:34.280 --> 00:51:38.980
Turned it all over to me for my healing work that I do with women.

783
00:51:39.740 --> 00:51:40.960
And I said.

784
00:51:42.300 --> 00:51:47.980
I'm not going to stop going to a brick and mortar church, if you will.

785
00:51:48.420 --> 00:51:51.440
I don't that's my family.

786
00:51:52.080 --> 00:51:58.540
And you're insulting my family by saying that they're like standing on a on the stage.

787
00:51:59.680 --> 00:52:01.540
To speak like they're higher.

788
00:52:01.660 --> 00:52:03.740
And I said, no, they're not dictators there.

789
00:52:04.160 --> 00:52:07.720
And I was so I'm getting into this defensive mode.

790
00:52:08.220 --> 00:52:08.740
Yeah.

791
00:52:08.900 --> 00:52:10.940
And then he stopped and he said, well, you know what?

792
00:52:10.940 --> 00:52:12.520
The light is behind you.

793
00:52:12.940 --> 00:52:16.960
Can you can you put a can you your backlit?

794
00:52:17.040 --> 00:52:19.720
Can you put a light in front of your face so I can see it better?

795
00:52:19.720 --> 00:52:25.500
Because he called me on a Facebook messenger video.

796
00:52:25.980 --> 00:52:30.380
First time we use that because before I was using the Zoom professional Zoom.

797
00:52:30.700 --> 00:52:32.120
And I thought, that's odd.

798
00:52:33.260 --> 00:52:36.360
So I OK, so I turn I turn the light in front.

799
00:52:37.580 --> 00:52:39.300
So at the end, he says, you know what?

800
00:52:39.300 --> 00:52:40.440
It's a no for me.

801
00:52:41.040 --> 00:52:42.360
OK, it's a no for me.

802
00:52:42.360 --> 00:52:43.220
And I said, what do you mean?

803
00:52:43.240 --> 00:52:49.000
I said, you know, I will go to your house churches, you know, four days, four nights

804
00:52:49.000 --> 00:52:50.120
a week if you want.

805
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:52.560
But I really want to continue my church.

806
00:52:52.700 --> 00:52:55.840
You know, I mean, so but he said, no, it's a no.

807
00:52:56.360 --> 00:52:57.980
Your attitude is not submissive.

808
00:52:58.120 --> 00:52:59.680
And I said, well, what do you mean?

809
00:52:59.680 --> 00:53:02.120
And he says, do you want me to send you the videos?

810
00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:04.020
And I said, what do you mean?

811
00:53:04.080 --> 00:53:05.800
He says, I've been recording you.

812
00:53:07.920 --> 00:53:08.360
What?

813
00:53:09.060 --> 00:53:11.660
He was recording our conversations.

814
00:53:11.660 --> 00:53:16.400
I don't know how many, but at least that day, he says, I can send you what I'm talking about

815
00:53:16.400 --> 00:53:17.340
you not being submissive.

816
00:53:17.340 --> 00:53:20.000
I will send you clips of what you were saying.

817
00:53:20.280 --> 00:53:22.540
And I said, you were recording me?

818
00:53:23.640 --> 00:53:24.660
And he said, yes.

819
00:53:25.080 --> 00:53:28.380
So I can listen again to what you're saying.

820
00:53:29.560 --> 00:53:30.700
I mean, I don't know.

821
00:53:30.760 --> 00:53:33.740
And then I said, well, you know, you're right.

822
00:53:33.800 --> 00:53:34.940
I guess it is a no.

823
00:53:35.140 --> 00:53:38.320
And he says, well, maybe we could just be friends and talk.

824
00:53:38.320 --> 00:53:42.720
And I said, I don't think so, because I want to give room for somebody else, you know,

825
00:53:43.500 --> 00:53:46.660
that in my life, my spirit mate that comes along.

826
00:53:46.660 --> 00:53:49.060
But I just wanted to ask you that.

827
00:53:49.760 --> 00:53:51.380
That's pretty darn insulting, isn't it?

828
00:53:52.580 --> 00:53:52.800
Yeah.

829
00:53:53.020 --> 00:53:53.540
Okay.

830
00:53:53.540 --> 00:53:58.180
First, I just want to, I'm really sorry that you had to experience that.

831
00:54:00.400 --> 00:54:03.920
Ladies like that is not okay.

832
00:54:05.100 --> 00:54:06.480
Those are red flags.

833
00:54:08.040 --> 00:54:08.560
Okay.

834
00:54:10.180 --> 00:54:10.820
Okay.

835
00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:17.780
When men are being criticizing, that's never good.

836
00:54:18.620 --> 00:54:18.620


837
00:54:22.100 --> 00:54:26.900
Now, this is where we're going to kind of dive in hard work stuff.

838
00:54:27.080 --> 00:54:27.380
Okay.

839
00:54:27.800 --> 00:54:34.380
Because this is now, do you want to use this opportunity to grow, to heal?

840
00:54:36.040 --> 00:54:38.440
So let's navigate that right now.

841
00:54:38.560 --> 00:54:39.300
Okay.

842
00:54:39.940 --> 00:54:43.660
I want you to look back and ask yourself.

843
00:54:45.020 --> 00:54:49.360
So I know we say this, it's a yes until it's a no.

844
00:54:50.800 --> 00:54:59.240
If someone doesn't align with your beliefs, and they want you to wear a covering,

845
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.040
They're not willing to go to your church.

846
00:55:02.880 --> 00:55:04.380
They don't believe the same things

847
00:55:04.380 --> 00:55:05.560
that your church believes.

848
00:55:06.800 --> 00:55:09.520
Doesn't want to go to your church.

849
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:13.080
Believes that your church isn't a New Testament church.

850
00:55:14.100 --> 00:55:18.480
Is that still a yes or is that a no?

851
00:55:19.560 --> 00:55:20.740
Oh no, oh no.

852
00:55:20.760 --> 00:55:24.140
But the thing is, is I had been talking to him

853
00:55:24.640 --> 00:55:29.980
for hours on end for almost eight or nine days

854
00:55:30.680 --> 00:55:31.720
totally vested.

855
00:55:31.820 --> 00:55:34.260
And this was like a total, this was just Saturday night.

856
00:55:34.440 --> 00:55:37.000
And it was like all of this stuff about the,

857
00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:40.000
well, first of all, Saturday night was a head covering issue

858
00:55:40.160 --> 00:55:43.500
and then Sunday when he, this past Sunday

859
00:55:43.500 --> 00:55:45.300
when he watched my church,

860
00:55:45.960 --> 00:55:48.820
he was, that's when he started mocking it.

861
00:55:48.820 --> 00:55:49.180
Yeah.

862
00:55:49.180 --> 00:55:53.240
And so I had vested like, let's say eight or nine days

863
00:55:53.380 --> 00:55:57.660
of lots of time and honestly, lots of emotion.

864
00:55:57.660 --> 00:56:02.260
I didn't have even a hint that he believed those things

865
00:56:03.720 --> 00:56:05.460
until Saturday night when he,

866
00:56:06.520 --> 00:56:09.420
and then I, Saturday night, this past Sunday.

867
00:56:09.920 --> 00:56:11.720
So I haven't talked to him, I didn't talk to him yesterday.

868
00:56:11.880 --> 00:56:14.460
I mean, it was, I told him, I can't be your friend.

869
00:56:14.620 --> 00:56:16.040
We're not just gonna carry on with,

870
00:56:16.720 --> 00:56:20.220
I've got to make room for someone that has like beliefs

871
00:56:20.220 --> 00:56:22.380
but it just blew me away.

872
00:56:23.540 --> 00:56:25.440
We were just aligned so much.

873
00:56:25.440 --> 00:56:27.920
And then all of a sudden he pulls the head covering,

874
00:56:28.300 --> 00:56:29.380
he pulls the church thing

875
00:56:29.380 --> 00:56:31.000
cause he hadn't seen the church before.

876
00:56:31.460 --> 00:56:34.100
And then all of a sudden he's telling me,

877
00:56:34.420 --> 00:56:38.360
well, you're arguing, you're saying you believe,

878
00:56:38.400 --> 00:56:40.800
you said you believe that the man is the leader.

879
00:56:41.020 --> 00:56:42.160
I said, spiritual leader.

880
00:56:42.200 --> 00:56:43.060
And we both agreed.

881
00:56:43.320 --> 00:56:45.880
And he said, oh yeah, leading in love and sacrifice.

882
00:56:46.060 --> 00:56:48.980
He agreed to the sacrificial love and the man's part.

883
00:56:49.160 --> 00:56:53.360
But then he said, your attitude was very unsubmissive

884
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:55.080
which it was, I was defensive.

885
00:56:55.920 --> 00:56:56.400
I was defensive.

886
00:56:56.520 --> 00:56:58.100
Yeah, I mean, but here's the thing,

887
00:56:58.340 --> 00:56:58.960
you guys are still strangers.

888
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:02.480
You're not gonna be submissive to a complete stranger.

889
00:57:03.900 --> 00:57:04.900
You are still strangers.

890
00:57:05.020 --> 00:57:07.440
So I want to highlight some things for you

891
00:57:07.440 --> 00:57:11.660
moving into the future as you continue this navigation.

892
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:12.260
Okay?

893
00:57:12.400 --> 00:57:15.680
Some of my tips for you, okay?

894
00:57:16.260 --> 00:57:16.640
Okay.

895
00:57:17.200 --> 00:57:19.040
Block his number, lesson block.

896
00:57:19.340 --> 00:57:21.260
You don't even have to communicate to him

897
00:57:21.260 --> 00:57:23.020
and let him know that you're blocking him.

898
00:57:23.860 --> 00:57:25.700
You don't even need to let him know that you're blessing him.

899
00:57:25.780 --> 00:57:27.120
I already did all that.

900
00:57:27.260 --> 00:57:28.100
Okay, good.

901
00:57:28.160 --> 00:57:29.560
I'm glad you've done that.

902
00:57:30.520 --> 00:57:32.700
Things I want you to recognize, okay?

903
00:57:33.940 --> 00:57:36.400
You spent nine days and lots of hours.

904
00:57:36.880 --> 00:57:39.740
You mentioned that you invested a lot of time

905
00:57:41.080 --> 00:57:42.820
and you invested emotion.

906
00:57:43.900 --> 00:57:44.480
Recognize that.

907
00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:49.120
You invested time and emotion really early on.

908
00:57:49.680 --> 00:57:55.040
And you felt that there was an alignment really early on

909
00:57:55.660 --> 00:57:57.660
until something turned.

910
00:57:58.780 --> 00:58:01.300
And by then, after a few short days,

911
00:58:02.140 --> 00:58:04.300
this alignment, this, oh, everything,

912
00:58:04.440 --> 00:58:06.800
oh my goodness, look, he's intellectual.

913
00:58:07.240 --> 00:58:08.920
Look, we align in this.

914
00:58:09.460 --> 00:58:12.920
Now all of a sudden, like, ooh, maybe we don't.

915
00:58:13.700 --> 00:58:15.760
But because we've invested a lot of time,

916
00:58:15.760 --> 00:58:17.820
emotion, and interest,

917
00:58:18.640 --> 00:58:21.480
we kind of got a rug pulled out from under us.

918
00:58:22.540 --> 00:58:24.300
And then all of a sudden,

919
00:58:24.660 --> 00:58:30.900
they're not being very gentlemanly, masculine, kind.

920
00:58:31.300 --> 00:58:32.620
He didn't have some fruits of the spirit.

921
00:58:32.760 --> 00:58:36.100
Let me tell you, you're not seeing a lot of fruit, ladies.

922
00:58:36.120 --> 00:58:38.600
This guy does not have a lot of fruit, okay?

923
00:58:38.660 --> 00:58:40.360
Not saying he's a horrible man,

924
00:58:41.140 --> 00:58:45.460
but he doesn't have, he is not modeling fruit to Gail.

925
00:58:46.840 --> 00:58:49.600
He is, she's getting offensive.

926
00:58:50.240 --> 00:58:51.680
He's probably getting offensive.

927
00:58:52.400 --> 00:58:53.820
And they're just not like,

928
00:58:53.980 --> 00:58:59.800
there's just not a lot of honor, respect, consideration.

929
00:59:01.380 --> 00:59:05.740
And Gail, I don't fault you for being frustrated.

930
00:59:06.580 --> 00:59:08.500
And I like that you're like,

931
00:59:08.880 --> 00:59:11.280
wait, you're offending my family.

932
00:59:12.280 --> 00:59:16.620
However, I want to encourage all of you ladies,

933
00:59:17.260 --> 00:59:19.260
when you're in these beginning stages,

934
00:59:19.660 --> 00:59:21.920
these level ones and level two relationship

935
00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:24.700
where you barely know this person,

936
00:59:26.120 --> 00:59:31.520
how much value are you holding their opinions

937
00:59:32.320 --> 00:59:35.480
about you and things that are important to you?

938
00:59:37.900 --> 00:59:40.800
Really, ladies, to ask yourself,

939
00:59:42.580 --> 00:59:44.520
why do I feel like, ask yourself,

940
00:59:44.520 --> 00:59:46.900
not just ask yourself, but ask Holy Spirit,

941
00:59:46.620 --> 00:59:52.300
Lord, why do I feel it necessary

942
00:59:54.040 --> 00:59:59.540
to defend myself to someone that is a complete stranger?

943
01:00:01.380 --> 01:00:10.900
that clearly isn't someone that you have for me in my future and that may

944
01:00:10.900 --> 01:00:19.100
actually reveal some areas in your heart where you're like oh this is where this

945
01:00:19.100 --> 01:00:24.760
feels familiar I don't this is this is what I'm believing and that's where you

946
01:00:24.760 --> 01:00:32.100
can come like how do you feel when people say those things what beliefs do

947
01:00:32.100 --> 01:00:38.420
you start aligning with when someone comes and criticizes your church family

948
01:00:38.420 --> 01:00:48.420
and your beliefs where does that come from well I have to say that I would

949
01:00:48.420 --> 01:00:52.320
hurt really shocked at first because just the night before he wanted to be

950
01:00:52.600 --> 01:01:00.940
exclusive and then he did a double take on you know he just left and and that's

951
01:01:00.940 --> 01:01:07.800
what I want you to pay attention to as well ladies it is really too early in

952
01:01:08.720 --> 01:01:13.480
the first week or two I would even say in the first month where you've only

953
01:01:14.300 --> 01:01:18.340
you've invested a lot of time okay we don't really encourage y'all to invest

954
01:01:18.340 --> 01:01:22.860
that a lot of time but again you're all we're all allowed to kind of walk this

955
01:01:22.860 --> 01:01:27.480
road okay I did it too okay again give yourself grace here there's no

956
01:01:27.660 --> 01:01:32.940
condemnation here all right because I'm saying it as someone who's done it but

957
01:01:32.940 --> 01:01:38.300
this is one of the reasons why we ask that you ladies be mindful of it because

958
01:01:39.140 --> 01:01:43.540
it's really easy to put ourselves in these positions where we get these blind

959
01:01:43.540 --> 01:01:48.320
spots where we can allow ourselves to get kind of confused we're all of a

960
01:01:48.320 --> 01:01:52.220
sudden like this guy wants to be exclusive and it's like whoa and then

961
01:01:52.220 --> 01:01:57.380
the next minute they're turning on a dime and we're like it can rile us up

962
01:01:57.380 --> 01:02:05.800
those are definitely flags exclusivity before you truly know somebody and you've

963
01:02:05.800 --> 01:02:10.960
actually gotten to experience them and gotten to know them and had several

964
01:02:10.960 --> 01:02:18.360
experiences with them too soon it's really really too soon

965
01:02:18.360 --> 01:02:24.620
I'm gonna win that when I kind of jump into that exclusivity talk be mindful of

966
01:02:24.620 --> 01:02:29.440
it I'm not saying that meant that you will come across men and I I say this

967
01:02:29.740 --> 01:02:36.340
because my husband was very much like very open about wanting to get married

968
01:02:37.080 --> 01:02:43.320
he was marriage minded he was very forward about that I'll be honest it

969
01:02:43.320 --> 01:02:50.120
freaked me out and because of this community and because I was involved in

970
01:02:50.120 --> 01:02:55.500
this community and I didn't like cut and run from my community when I started

971
01:02:55.500 --> 01:03:00.060
dating because some ladies like to do that all right I've seen it in my five

972
01:03:00.060 --> 01:03:04.560
years here women that I was single with and women that I've coached as soon as

973
01:03:04.560 --> 01:03:07.500
we get in a relationship we want to think oh look I got in this relationship

974
01:03:07.500 --> 01:03:11.720
I'm gonna you know stop conversing with my coaches and and the ladies in

975
01:03:11.720 --> 01:03:18.540
community but it was because I stayed in this program and I shared what was

976
01:03:19.160 --> 01:03:25.900
happening and what I was experiencing I had wisdom and knowledge and women that

977
01:03:25.900 --> 01:03:30.080
were able to see blind spots for me and walked me through and were by my side

978
01:03:30.100 --> 01:03:34.540
and were able to kind of help point me in the direction so I'm not saying that

979
01:03:34.540 --> 01:03:40.300
any man that's like wanting to jump to exclusivity is like red flag no is it a

980
01:03:40.300 --> 01:03:45.900
yellow flag yes it's definitely something that you need to keep an eye

981
01:03:45.900 --> 01:03:51.960
on especially if you're someone that gets quickly attached you need to be

982
01:03:51.960 --> 01:03:58.180
mindful of that I was someone that got quickly attached so I knew I needed to

983
01:03:58.180 --> 01:04:02.860
be careful with that and so that's why I was like okay I'm not gonna jump into

984
01:04:02.860 --> 01:04:08.120
this I'm going to use wisdom I'm gonna use counsel support from this community

985
01:04:08.320 --> 01:04:16.500
to help guide and direct me okay but that I do want you to recognize you

986
01:04:16.500 --> 01:04:21.440
spent a lot of time investing in them you found some great connections you

987
01:04:21.440 --> 01:04:24.760
like someone with intelligence someone that you can hold a conversation with

988
01:04:24.760 --> 01:04:30.180
those are good things that you can pull from this interaction you've learned a

989
01:04:30.440 --> 01:04:35.620
little bit about yourself and what you like and what you don't like you learned

990
01:04:35.620 --> 01:04:40.000
about some things that you did well and you're learning some things that maybe

991
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:46.420
you will do differently in the future so this isn't a loss this is a win and now

992
01:04:46.420 --> 01:04:52.540
we take this experience we move forward into the next person that you interact

993
01:04:52.760 --> 01:04:57.940
with does that yeah I just wanted to say I'm running late at my vets because I

994
01:04:57.940 --> 01:04:59.980
got okay three birds in here and

995
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.540
and I was supposed to be in there at two,

996
01:05:03.140 --> 01:05:05.580
but I did wanna say I was extremely hurt,

997
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:06.700
did a lot of crying,

998
01:05:06.880 --> 01:05:09.160
but then I realized, interesting,

999
01:05:09.800 --> 01:05:12.280
Sunday during this worship service,

1000
01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:15.420
and God kind of speaks to me in my mind,

1001
01:05:17.120 --> 01:05:19.580
like with you guys, you get prophetic,

1002
01:05:20.120 --> 01:05:21.980
and it came across that,

1003
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:24.160
it said, Wayne is gonna hurt you.

1004
01:05:24.160 --> 01:05:26.080
And I thought, where's that coming from?

1005
01:05:26.080 --> 01:05:27.520
He just asked me to be exclusive,

1006
01:05:27.700 --> 01:05:29.160
but it hit my mind.

1007
01:05:29.160 --> 01:05:31.720
And so interesting enough,

1008
01:05:32.040 --> 01:05:36.500
I get home from church and bam, he did.

1009
01:05:37.100 --> 01:05:38.880
But I was hurt at first

1010
01:05:38.880 --> 01:05:41.960
because it was like I had so much hope in that,

1011
01:05:42.060 --> 01:05:43.280
but then on the other hand,

1012
01:05:43.540 --> 01:05:45.300
it occurred to me, God rescued me

1013
01:05:45.440 --> 01:05:50.280
from our horrible, horrible, possibly marriage.

1014
01:05:50.460 --> 01:05:51.920
He rescued me.

1015
01:05:52.460 --> 01:05:54.860
You're God defended and you're God protected.

1016
01:05:55.040 --> 01:05:55.600
God defended.

1017
01:05:55.600 --> 01:05:58.440
He's allowing you to see that very quickly.

1018
01:05:58.440 --> 01:06:00.700
And ladies, I want you to take hold of that,

1019
01:06:00.900 --> 01:06:03.880
especially those ladies that you're just really worried,

1020
01:06:04.140 --> 01:06:05.920
like, am I gonna see it?

1021
01:06:06.320 --> 01:06:07.640
Is God really protecting me?

1022
01:06:07.820 --> 01:06:09.800
Does he really, like, I'm confused.

1023
01:06:10.720 --> 01:06:12.420
Really lay that at the Lord's feet.

1024
01:06:13.100 --> 01:06:15.040
Because believe it or not,

1025
01:06:15.140 --> 01:06:16.460
something that you think is,

1026
01:06:16.600 --> 01:06:17.960
wow, this is really great,

1027
01:06:17.960 --> 01:06:18.660
and then all of a sudden,

1028
01:06:18.680 --> 01:06:20.660
it's like something flips on a dime,

1029
01:06:20.740 --> 01:06:22.980
and it's really easy for us to sit there

1030
01:06:22.980 --> 01:06:24.980
and beat ourselves up and get sad and upset.

1031
01:06:24.980 --> 01:06:28.340
But if we can reframe it into this,

1032
01:06:28.880 --> 01:06:31.740
wow, I am so grateful God showed me this sooner

1033
01:06:31.740 --> 01:06:32.700
rather than later,

1034
01:06:32.760 --> 01:06:35.540
and look at how I recognized it sooner

1035
01:06:35.540 --> 01:06:36.700
than I did in the past.

1036
01:06:37.140 --> 01:06:38.480
Look at all the things that I'm learning.

1037
01:06:38.660 --> 01:06:41.560
If we can position our thought process

1038
01:06:41.560 --> 01:06:43.700
and our mindset to shift differently,

1039
01:06:44.900 --> 01:06:46.460
oh, that's a huge win.

1040
01:06:46.680 --> 01:06:47.920
That's hard work.

1041
01:06:48.080 --> 01:06:48.680
Yeah.

1042
01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:49.400
Okay.

1043
01:06:50.080 --> 01:06:51.200
It was a big switch,

1044
01:06:51.500 --> 01:06:53.760
and I felt this constant relief,

1045
01:06:53.760 --> 01:06:57.860
and almost, when I woke up this morning, Eve,

1046
01:06:57.900 --> 01:07:00.280
and I felt like, whoo, I feel free.

1047
01:07:00.740 --> 01:07:04.620
Like, no more two-hour conversations three times a day,

1048
01:07:05.480 --> 01:07:08.380
and it was just, it was taking so much of my time

1049
01:07:08.380 --> 01:07:09.380
that now I feel I've got,

1050
01:07:10.260 --> 01:07:11.980
I have more important things to do.

1051
01:07:12.060 --> 01:07:13.360
Moving forward, I want you to be mindful

1052
01:07:13.360 --> 01:07:14.840
of how much time you're spending

1053
01:07:14.840 --> 01:07:16.740
with each person that you're getting to know.

1054
01:07:16.920 --> 01:07:20.060
So maybe be conscious of limiting that to yourself.

1055
01:07:20.160 --> 01:07:20.840
Just saying, okay,

1056
01:07:20.840 --> 01:07:25.920
I'm only going to spend an hour so many days a week

1057
01:07:25.920 --> 01:07:27.300
getting to know somebody.

1058
01:07:27.680 --> 01:07:28.580
And then-

1059
01:07:28.580 --> 01:07:30.260
Okay, again, I gotta go.

1060
01:07:30.300 --> 01:07:31.060
Okay, give it a go.

1061
01:07:31.180 --> 01:07:31.920
I'm gonna let you go.

1062
01:07:31.980 --> 01:07:35.560
We've got several more ladies that have their hands up,

1063
01:07:35.560 --> 01:07:38.640
so I know we're like eight minutes over the hour,

1064
01:07:38.660 --> 01:07:40.600
and I wanna get to as many as possible.

1065
01:07:41.580 --> 01:07:44.940
Okay, Sam, I'm gonna let you share your update.

1066
01:07:45.020 --> 01:07:48.560
Then I got Chanmi, Leah, Mika, Alexandra, and Lori.

1067
01:07:49.120 --> 01:07:50.260
We're gonna do our best

1068
01:07:50.260 --> 01:07:52.200
to be as short, brief, and powerful as possible.

1069
01:07:54.400 --> 01:07:57.020
All right, Sam, go for it.

1070
01:07:57.080 --> 01:07:57.900
How are you?

1071
01:07:58.260 --> 01:07:58.760
I'm good.

1072
01:07:58.760 --> 01:07:59.980
I'm feeling good.

1073
01:08:00.220 --> 01:08:01.060
Yeah, I know.

1074
01:08:01.500 --> 01:08:04.760
We had a call yesterday, a one-on-one.

1075
01:08:05.200 --> 01:08:07.580
And what's cool about it is when I booked the one-on-one,

1076
01:08:07.780 --> 01:08:10.620
then I was like genuinely stressing out

1077
01:08:10.980 --> 01:08:14.020
about like I could feel myself like I have this crush

1078
01:08:14.020 --> 01:08:15.940
and I'm getting weird and now it's so strange.

1079
01:08:16.939 --> 01:08:18.359
And before the call though,

1080
01:08:18.359 --> 01:08:20.120
the Lord just really spoke to me

1081
01:08:20.120 --> 01:08:21.220
while I was doing a Sudoku.

1082
01:08:21.439 --> 01:08:24.600
He was like, hey, when did you learn

1083
01:08:24.840 --> 01:08:26.500
that having a crush is bad?

1084
01:08:27.120 --> 01:08:29.760
And it just, it relieved all of the pressure.

1085
01:08:30.319 --> 01:08:31.520
You book the one-on-ones

1086
01:08:31.580 --> 01:08:34.040
in the resources section on your app.

1087
01:08:34.120 --> 01:08:35.000
It's super easy.

1088
01:08:37.240 --> 01:08:40.120
So yeah, when did you learn that having a crush was bad?

1089
01:08:40.180 --> 01:08:44.000
And so I talked with the Lord through the start of that,

1090
01:08:44.140 --> 01:08:45.439
which was way back in college

1091
01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:47.380
where I got rejected by a whole friend group

1092
01:08:47.380 --> 01:08:49.340
because I was probably really expressive.

1093
01:08:49.960 --> 01:08:51.100
They didn't even tell me why,

1094
01:08:51.359 --> 01:08:54.399
but like after much processing in my life,

1095
01:08:54.700 --> 01:08:57.000
like, oh, I was probably wearing my heart on my sleeve

1096
01:08:57.100 --> 01:09:00.760
and like in this fantasy world of like, I like him.

1097
01:09:00.939 --> 01:09:02.640
And we were able to kind of dive into that too

1098
01:09:02.640 --> 01:09:06.240
and kind of really get to this where,

1099
01:09:06.260 --> 01:09:08.700
like what lie entered there.

1100
01:09:08.700 --> 01:09:10.359
And we were able to break that off.

1101
01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:11.479
Yeah, and so.

1102
01:09:11.479 --> 01:09:13.800
So any of you ladies, I know someone asked like,

1103
01:09:13.800 --> 01:09:15.220
how do you book a one-on-one?

1104
01:09:15.279 --> 01:09:16.680
Some of you ladies that are brand new.

1105
01:09:16.680 --> 01:09:18.500
We have those under the resource tab.

1106
01:09:18.640 --> 01:09:19.540
So like myself and Ebony,

1107
01:09:19.760 --> 01:09:22.600
who are coaches here in your phase two,

1108
01:09:22.640 --> 01:09:25.260
along with we have several other coaches in the community.

1109
01:09:25.920 --> 01:09:29.680
You can purchase a one-on-one session.

1110
01:09:29.939 --> 01:09:30.960
You can just do one.

1111
01:09:31.180 --> 01:09:33.140
You can get a little discount in book three

1112
01:09:33.140 --> 01:09:36.580
if you wanna do several couple of sessions

1113
01:09:36.680 --> 01:09:39.479
where it's kind of like this,

1114
01:09:40.080 --> 01:09:43.880
but it's just you and the coach you choose.

1115
01:09:44.479 --> 01:09:46.479
And so you get 50 minutes of being able

1116
01:09:47.340 --> 01:09:50.479
to really get a deeper insight in an unpacking.

1117
01:09:50.660 --> 01:09:55.360
And so for those ladies that just want more in depth

1118
01:09:55.360 --> 01:09:57.740
and maybe we don't have as much time on these calls

1119
01:09:57.740 --> 01:09:59.980
to kind of unpack more stuff, it is really.

1120
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.640
useful and it's really helpful. So Sam was able to take advantage of that opportunity.

1121
01:10:06.880 --> 01:10:13.940
And so she had such breakthrough and she's just, she's always absorbing things like a sponge,

1122
01:10:14.780 --> 01:10:22.280
open heart to really just allow the Lord to speak to her and what he wants her to learn

1123
01:10:22.280 --> 01:10:26.240
from this community. And it's just been awesome to watch her on that journey. And for those of

1124
01:10:26.240 --> 01:10:30.840
you that have been with her on this journey, I think you'll agree as well, the growth that

1125
01:10:30.920 --> 01:10:40.080
she's had. But I'm sorry to cut you off, keep going. So he and I are very aligned with kingdom

1126
01:10:40.080 --> 01:10:45.460
purposes. Like he is a worshiper. I'm a worshiper. God has really called me to release some music.

1127
01:10:45.700 --> 01:10:51.260
He has some experience in that area. So he has really felt like God had said, help her with this.

1128
01:10:52.180 --> 01:10:58.700
So he loaned me some equipment. We've created a little studio in my closet. He came and helped

1129
01:10:58.700 --> 01:11:04.860
with the settings today. And so he had to come at 10 today and he came and stayed as long as he

1130
01:11:04.860 --> 01:11:09.340
could, like from 10 to 11. And we were working on it. Most of the time we were working on the

1131
01:11:09.340 --> 01:11:13.820
settings and stuff and working through that. But then he gave me great advice about like,

1132
01:11:13.820 --> 01:11:16.920
just worship, just get in there, hit record. It doesn't matter if you mess up,

1133
01:11:16.920 --> 01:11:21.920
don't start right away with your song, pray over it. He prayed over me while I was like,

1134
01:11:21.940 --> 01:11:24.700
I feel like I need to sit in the spot that I'm going to be in and have you pray. And he's like,

1135
01:11:24.720 --> 01:11:31.100
I feel that too. And so we spent the last quarter of an hour, I would just allow him to pray over

1136
01:11:31.100 --> 01:11:36.840
me. And so he's a little bit younger than me, but in the session, the one-on-one, then Carla really

1137
01:11:36.960 --> 01:11:42.580
encouraged me to just be authentic with him about all this. And I don't have to be like, hey,

1138
01:11:42.580 --> 01:11:46.680
I like you. I want to go to coffee. I could be like, look, I'm in this program. So I was like,

1139
01:11:46.680 --> 01:11:49.760
I'm in this program. I didn't even say the words last year single, because I felt like they would

1140
01:11:49.760 --> 01:11:55.560
be weird. So I just said, I'm in this program with a silly name, in my opinion.

1141
01:11:56.500 --> 01:12:02.700
Hey girl, can I just, can I laugh at this? Because when I joined this community,

1142
01:12:02.940 --> 01:12:08.100
for those of you ladies that might know, it was not always called last year single. You want to

1143
01:12:08.100 --> 01:12:12.980
know what it used to be called when I joined the community? Married in 12 months or less.

1144
01:12:15.240 --> 01:12:22.040
So I totally get that. And I would tell sometimes guys like, oh, I'm in this community with Jackie

1145
01:12:22.040 --> 01:12:27.460
Dorman and it's called married in 12 months or less. Y'all, they were like, you saw the smoke

1146
01:12:27.460 --> 01:12:36.940
coming from their shoes. They were running so fast. So I did share that. But I was bold, brave

1147
01:12:36.940 --> 01:12:41.420
and beautiful. And I was like, Hey, I'm in this program and it's really all about relationships.

1148
01:12:41.420 --> 01:12:45.960
I've done a lot of hard work. I'm in the next phase. And what I'm really looking for right now

1149
01:12:45.960 --> 01:12:51.120
is to really see men for who God has created them to be. And I'm just really interested in getting

1150
01:12:51.120 --> 01:12:55.600
to know you more in your story. Like I know a little bit of your story from our time at house

1151
01:12:55.600 --> 01:12:59.740
church together, but I want to share more of mine with you and want to hear more of yours.

1152
01:12:59.800 --> 01:13:03.620
And I had also told him because something that he has been through, like one of my siblings has

1153
01:13:03.620 --> 01:13:08.520
been through exactly the same thing. So it was like, you know, except he's not with faith. So

1154
01:13:08.520 --> 01:13:13.420
he's really struggled with it, you know? And, um, and so we chatted about that and he was so

1155
01:13:13.420 --> 01:13:18.140
willing. He was like, yes. Like we're so, so we're going to plan for coffee the week after

1156
01:13:19.140 --> 01:13:25.020
Thanksgiving. Um, and then I'm going to get him all the stuff to, uh, from my recording. He's got

1157
01:13:25.020 --> 01:13:30.300
time next week during Thanksgiving while I'm gone to do all the mixing and mastering. He's also like,

1158
01:13:30.400 --> 01:13:34.460
cause I asked him like, what does that involve? Like, do I need to pay you something? Can I give

1159
01:13:34.460 --> 01:13:38.300
you a percentage of the profits if it makes any money? And he's like, I don't want you to do any

1160
01:13:38.300 --> 01:13:42.700
of that. Like, he's like, God is all over this. And I don't want you to do any of that, you know,

1161
01:13:42.700 --> 01:13:48.960
just, just get in here and worship. And I'm like, okay. So it was beautiful. I'll see him tonight

1162
01:13:48.960 --> 01:13:54.400
at house church as well. But, um, yeah, he said, he said yes to coffee and there's not this pressure

1163
01:13:54.400 --> 01:13:59.960
of it. Like, this is a date. This isn't a date. Oh my gosh. It's weird. Like we are first and

1164
01:14:00.260 --> 01:14:08.100
foremost, like siblings in the kingdom. And honestly, like, that's enough for me. I just

1165
01:14:08.100 --> 01:14:12.160
want better, you know, like, and now that that pressure is off that, like,

1166
01:14:12.160 --> 01:14:16.640
oh, I kind of like him and I can see potential here. Like, and it's okay for me to have a crush

1167
01:14:16.640 --> 01:14:22.380
and like, the Lord is so kind and like relieved all that pressure from that place of like,

1168
01:14:22.820 --> 01:14:27.160
so now we're just, we're just being, you know, he was so willing. We're gonna, we're gonna go

1169
01:14:27.160 --> 01:14:32.380
for coffee. There'll be more information after Thanksgiving. I'm sure. So I love this. Like,

1170
01:14:32.380 --> 01:14:39.240
like this, I just want, I hope that you ladies are listening to this and this is just an

1171
01:14:39.340 --> 01:14:47.600
encouragement for each and every one of you. And really it's really a testimony of what discovery

1172
01:14:47.600 --> 01:14:52.640
dating is all about. And Sam and I talked a lot about this yesterday and you'll, and once you're

1173
01:14:52.640 --> 01:14:56.880
in this, if you've been in this space for a hot minute or you just started, you're going to hear

1174
01:14:56.880 --> 01:14:59.980
like, discovery dating is.

1175
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.380
is if you really allow yourself to release this idea is of,

1176
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:06.380
is this my husband?

1177
01:15:06.500 --> 01:15:07.740
Is this my spirit mate?

1178
01:15:08.280 --> 01:15:09.760
Is this someone that I can marry?

1179
01:15:10.160 --> 01:15:15.260
If you just really allow like yourself to just let that go

1180
01:15:15.260 --> 01:15:19.580
and to take off this, like, does, I mean,

1181
01:15:19.580 --> 01:15:20.940
we all have that desire,

1182
01:15:21.100 --> 01:15:26.180
but when we are focused on just wanting to get married

1183
01:15:26.260 --> 01:15:28.200
and just wanting to go meet men

1184
01:15:28.200 --> 01:15:29.680
and to see if they're our spirit mate,

1185
01:15:30.140 --> 01:15:32.440
when we are so zero focused in it,

1186
01:15:32.740 --> 01:15:36.460
it takes the fun out of it and it puts so much pressure

1187
01:15:37.760 --> 01:15:42.820
and it really does cause like just the enemy

1188
01:15:42.820 --> 01:15:44.180
to come and creep in.

1189
01:15:44.280 --> 01:15:46.120
I mean, I'm just gonna be real with you.

1190
01:15:47.240 --> 01:15:53.480
And so when you fully can just surrender this process

1191
01:15:53.480 --> 01:15:55.860
to the Lord and being like, God, I trust you.

1192
01:15:56.120 --> 01:15:57.660
I trust you in this process.

1193
01:15:57.660 --> 01:16:00.580
I trust that you are going to bring people in my path

1194
01:16:00.620 --> 01:16:04.080
that whether or not they're, you know, I get hurt

1195
01:16:04.120 --> 01:16:08.060
or I'm encouraged by them, or I see something, you know,

1196
01:16:08.060 --> 01:16:09.760
that I like, or I don't like,

1197
01:16:10.060 --> 01:16:12.360
or something comes out in me that I like

1198
01:16:12.360 --> 01:16:13.680
or don't like about myself,

1199
01:16:13.680 --> 01:16:18.000
that you are gonna use it to prepare and grow me

1200
01:16:18.140 --> 01:16:21.440
for the love story you already have written for me, Lord.

1201
01:16:22.040 --> 01:16:22.320
Yeah.

1202
01:16:22.980 --> 01:16:25.380
I want you to take hold of that.

1203
01:16:25.380 --> 01:16:27.800
I really want you to hear that, ladies.

1204
01:16:30.960 --> 01:16:31.840
Release the pressure.

1205
01:16:32.940 --> 01:16:32.940


1206
01:16:33.520 --> 01:16:36.520
I actually, I'm so glad that that word came up

1207
01:16:36.520 --> 01:16:38.640
because as you said that, I was writing it

1208
01:16:38.640 --> 01:16:40.840
as you were saying, take the pressure off.

1209
01:16:40.840 --> 01:16:43.180
And then you said something about pressure.

1210
01:16:43.400 --> 01:16:44.280
Yeah, yeah.

1211
01:16:44.280 --> 01:16:46.820
And I was like, it reminded me of something that I shared

1212
01:16:46.820 --> 01:16:49.100
and I cannot remember whose post it was.

1213
01:16:49.700 --> 01:16:51.300
I think it was on someone who,

1214
01:16:51.380 --> 01:16:52.520
and I don't know if she's on here.

1215
01:16:52.520 --> 01:16:56.300
Someone shared a dream that they had.

1216
01:16:57.120 --> 01:16:57.600
Who was it?

1217
01:16:57.740 --> 01:16:58.260
Who was it?

1218
01:16:58.320 --> 01:17:00.440
It might've been me.

1219
01:17:00.660 --> 01:17:01.960
Yes, Alexandra, about the emerald?

1220
01:17:02.540 --> 01:17:02.840
Yeah.

1221
01:17:03.160 --> 01:17:03.660
Yes.

1222
01:17:03.660 --> 01:17:05.680
I don't know if you got to see my response.

1223
01:17:05.940 --> 01:17:06.760
No, not yet.

1224
01:17:07.040 --> 01:17:09.140
Okay, well, I'm gonna share a little bit with you

1225
01:17:09.140 --> 01:17:10.420
and the ladies here,

1226
01:17:10.520 --> 01:17:12.320
because this is just reminding me of it.

1227
01:17:13.320 --> 01:17:16.440
When I was sharing about your dream

1228
01:17:16.440 --> 01:17:19.240
and kind of giving you some tips on that,

1229
01:17:19.240 --> 01:17:22.960
God really spoke to me about this idea.

1230
01:17:23.120 --> 01:17:25.580
Like one, I wanted you to look up at scripture

1231
01:17:25.580 --> 01:17:26.420
about gemstones,

1232
01:17:27.740 --> 01:17:31.820
what scriptures stand out to you that discuss gemstones.

1233
01:17:32.140 --> 01:17:35.520
And then I really felt this sense,

1234
01:17:35.600 --> 01:17:38.200
and it's interesting that it's coming up

1235
01:17:38.200 --> 01:17:39.360
even now on our call.

1236
01:17:39.420 --> 01:17:41.320
So I believe that this is Holy Spirit

1237
01:17:41.380 --> 01:17:42.980
and this is not just for you,

1238
01:17:43.000 --> 01:17:44.460
but this is for several of you,

1239
01:17:45.180 --> 01:17:49.840
is that it's time to take the pressure off

1240
01:17:49.840 --> 01:17:53.300
this whole dating for discovery

1241
01:17:53.300 --> 01:17:55.340
in this season of dating.

1242
01:17:56.560 --> 01:18:00.660
You don't have to add extra pressure to yourself.

1243
01:18:01.580 --> 01:18:02.500
And I want you to think,

1244
01:18:02.740 --> 01:18:05.820
and like what God showed me was

1245
01:18:07.800 --> 01:18:11.060
all the gemstones and diamonds

1246
01:18:11.060 --> 01:18:15.720
and all these like rubies and emeralds and diamonds

1247
01:18:15.720 --> 01:18:19.380
and gold, like all of that stuff is created naturally

1248
01:18:20.400 --> 01:18:22.080
with pressure.

1249
01:18:24.360 --> 01:18:29.080
God has created it naturally with pressure.

1250
01:18:29.480 --> 01:18:32.960
There's nothing that we have to do

1251
01:18:32.960 --> 01:18:34.960
to add the pressure to it.

1252
01:18:34.960 --> 01:18:37.420
God has just already created it.

1253
01:18:37.420 --> 01:18:41.460
That's how he literally formed it.

1254
01:18:42.520 --> 01:18:43.540
He knew what he was doing.

1255
01:18:44.160 --> 01:18:46.040
We don't have to add any more pressure

1256
01:18:46.040 --> 01:18:48.900
because God's already got it naturally covered.

1257
01:18:52.100 --> 01:18:56.600
So you're allowed to release the pressure off of yourself.

1258
01:18:57.240 --> 01:18:58.300
And Sam, this is again,

1259
01:18:58.660 --> 01:19:03.340
I'm giving you permission to release the pressure.

1260
01:19:03.660 --> 01:19:06.440
Can I share one last thing with you about all this too?

1261
01:19:06.440 --> 01:19:07.520
Yes, go for it.

1262
01:19:08.040 --> 01:19:09.580
Ever since the pressure was relieved

1263
01:19:09.580 --> 01:19:11.520
from what the Lord spoke over me,

1264
01:19:11.980 --> 01:19:14.880
then I am still like occasionally like hearing

1265
01:19:14.880 --> 01:19:16.280
these little thoughts, right?

1266
01:19:16.280 --> 01:19:18.540
Like they're actually easier to take captive.

1267
01:19:19.080 --> 01:19:21.300
So a couple of them was like,

1268
01:19:21.720 --> 01:19:23.440
when he prayed over me, he called me sister.

1269
01:19:23.540 --> 01:19:24.820
And so it's like, sometimes it's like,

1270
01:19:25.100 --> 01:19:25.760
oh man, they call you sister.

1271
01:19:25.820 --> 01:19:26.680
That means you're on the friend zone.

1272
01:19:26.800 --> 01:19:27.000
You know?

1273
01:19:27.020 --> 01:19:28.000
And I was like, no, what?

1274
01:19:28.020 --> 01:19:29.600
No, no, that's not, you know,

1275
01:19:29.600 --> 01:19:31.760
I literally took that thought captain was like, no,

1276
01:19:31.760 --> 01:19:32.680
I rebuke it.

1277
01:19:32.900 --> 01:19:34.480
But in the name of Jesus,

1278
01:19:34.940 --> 01:19:37.420
another thing that happened was he had told me

1279
01:19:37.420 --> 01:19:39.420
at one point where he's like, man,

1280
01:19:39.420 --> 01:19:41.120
we really are aligned with worship.

1281
01:19:41.380 --> 01:19:42.600
And there's only one other person

1282
01:19:42.600 --> 01:19:43.920
that I really experienced that with.

1283
01:19:43.960 --> 01:19:46.280
And she moved away while she's considering coming back.

1284
01:19:46.460 --> 01:19:47.380
She came back the other day

1285
01:19:47.400 --> 01:19:48.960
for the friends giving we had this weekend.

1286
01:19:49.000 --> 01:19:49.820
And I saw her on Monday

1287
01:19:49.820 --> 01:19:51.800
and I felt like jealousy coming up and, you know,

1288
01:19:52.240 --> 01:19:54.020
and me, and I was like, no, there's actually,

1289
01:19:54.220 --> 01:19:55.700
no, there's no lack here.

1290
01:19:55.740 --> 01:19:58.880
Like, even if, even if she and him are spirit mates,

1291
01:19:59.000 --> 01:19:59.980
like they're still.

1292
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.820
like something here for me you know that God is bringing and there's no lack like there's no this

1293
01:20:05.820 --> 01:20:11.660
is okay there's no lack there's no scarcity there's no scarcity in heaven y'all yeah there's

1294
01:20:11.660 --> 01:20:25.100
no scarcity in heaven not at all not an ounce your God loves you and has good and perfect gifts just

1295
01:20:25.100 --> 01:20:31.840
for you and the last thing that you're going to want is a spirit mate that God doesn't really

1296
01:20:31.840 --> 01:20:40.200
have for you that's not going to bless your life don't force something that God doesn't want and

1297
01:20:40.200 --> 01:20:45.740
I can share this and my husband will literally test give this his testimony to this he was in

1298
01:20:45.740 --> 01:20:51.420
a marriage for 11 years with someone that God told him and confirmed to him that he wasn't

1299
01:20:51.420 --> 01:21:01.000
supposed to get married to he lived in it and he was a loyal husband he stayed with her he did not

1300
01:21:01.000 --> 01:21:06.960
believe in divorce he went through a really tough season and you know what there is a lot of trauma

1301
01:21:08.060 --> 01:21:15.660
that came from that relationship not just with him but his two children that they had together

1302
01:21:16.900 --> 01:21:24.440
relationships and family that that occurred and I will even just share my own testimony and then

1303
01:21:24.440 --> 01:21:31.020
coming into this union this marriage has not been easy because of those decisions

1304
01:21:33.460 --> 01:21:39.580
he didn't go into alignment with what God had for him he kind of stepped out of alignment with that

1305
01:21:40.760 --> 01:21:48.460
but guess what God showed his grace and mercy to my husband thank Jesus

1306
01:21:50.580 --> 01:21:59.760
thank you Jesus and he gave me grace and mercy in my decisions and the paths that I chose out of my

1307
01:21:59.760 --> 01:22:06.160
own will and my hurts and my traumas and my trying to make things happen because I had this scarcity

1308
01:22:06.160 --> 01:22:11.200
mindset and this poverty mindset that there was just nothing good out there that I had to do it

1309
01:22:11.200 --> 01:22:21.980
on my own God wasn't going to bring it so I had to force it God he's so good and I truly believe

1310
01:22:22.980 --> 01:22:30.500
and he has confirmed that my marriage and my relationship with my husband is going to bring

1311
01:22:30.500 --> 01:22:36.480
reconciliation and redemption of all the things that my husband and myself and our

1312
01:22:36.480 --> 01:22:42.000
kids have had to experience and and even our family and then our our kids kids and all that

1313
01:22:42.260 --> 01:22:54.980
God's going to come and bless that he is breaking off any curse and he is blessing my family

1314
01:22:57.360 --> 01:23:01.060
because we're not going to sit in a line with that anymore

1315
01:23:02.980 --> 01:23:08.840
and I want to I hope that encourages each and every one of you that have those moments because

1316
01:23:08.840 --> 01:23:17.200
ladies let me tell you when I was in this community I had those moments I did when's it going to happen

1317
01:23:17.200 --> 01:23:24.420
for me everyone else is getting theirs okay listen to Supernatural Saturday all those things that you

1318
01:23:24.420 --> 01:23:28.140
would have wished would have happened that just won't happen anymore and those of you that listen

1319
01:23:28.140 --> 01:23:34.960
to Supernatural Saturday you know what I'm talking about the things that you got to grieve I had to

1320
01:23:34.960 --> 01:23:40.840
grieve some things even in this marriage I believed that I was going to birth another baby and you know

1321
01:23:40.840 --> 01:23:44.920
what God had to tell me Carl I told you you're going to have more babies but I didn't say you're

1322
01:23:44.920 --> 01:23:51.080
going to birth them I had to grieve that and there's times in my marriage that I'm like oh

1323
01:23:51.080 --> 01:24:01.840
I love this man so much how much do I desire to have create another human out of the two of us

1324
01:24:02.180 --> 01:24:06.200
but it's not going to happen and I've had to grieve that

1325
01:24:06.520 --> 01:24:13.080
and I've had to dream some other dreams this past weekend of what God does want to do

1326
01:24:15.860 --> 01:24:24.120
what is he going to create in our children we might not birth a child out of our own genes and

1327
01:24:24.880 --> 01:24:33.760
DNA but we both came to the table with blessings of children that God showed mercy and grace

1328
01:24:34.420 --> 01:24:39.400
on us when we stepped out of God's will and alignment he still blessed us with some

1329
01:24:39.400 --> 01:24:43.180
beautiful amazing children that are going to do some amazing things for the kingdom

1330
01:24:45.900 --> 01:24:52.020
and my husband and I get to be part of that and it's our union and it's our coming together

1331
01:24:54.980 --> 01:24:59.980
and God's work and will that's going to allow that to happen

1332
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.540
been. And that's pretty incredible. I wasn't even gonna share that today, but

1333
01:25:05.540 --> 01:25:11.400
that was probably Holy Spirit. I love it when God shows up like that, but I really

1334
01:25:12.100 --> 01:25:18.080
hope that gives you some encouragement to listen to Supernatural Saturday if

1335
01:25:18.080 --> 01:25:26.640
you haven't, and let's break off those scarcity, poverty mindsets. It's okay to

1336
01:25:26.640 --> 01:25:31.340
the things that we wish we would have had and we once wanted that won't happen

1337
01:25:31.340 --> 01:25:36.160
again, but God wants to give you new dreams, bigger dreams, better dreams,

1338
01:25:37.700 --> 01:25:43.780
things that you can't even imagine will happen. I like to claim that my kids are

1339
01:25:43.900 --> 01:25:55.820
gonna be these like kingdom shakers, like powerful, just really make an impact for

1340
01:25:55.820 --> 01:26:01.160
the kingdom. I feel strongly about that. I felt strongly about that about my

1341
01:26:01.160 --> 01:26:05.220
birth son. I felt like, you know, God really showed me that he is going to be

1342
01:26:05.220 --> 01:26:10.000
a beautiful defender for the kingdom of God. He's got a leadership anointing

1343
01:26:10.000 --> 01:26:16.960
that's been spoken over him. My husband has saw that in him, and I'm like, I have

1344
01:26:16.960 --> 01:26:22.160
no idea, but God's gonna do something incredible. My daughter has this amazing

1345
01:26:22.160 --> 01:26:30.640
gift of empathy and connection. She's so prophetic, and the enemy's after her, y'all.

1346
01:26:30.920 --> 01:26:37.600
We are going through the thick of it. That just tells me she's got something

1347
01:26:38.120 --> 01:26:45.840
really on her for the kingdom, and so I'm trusting that God is literally working

1348
01:26:45.840 --> 01:26:49.820
out something good, and so we're gonna be believing and dreaming for big things,

1349
01:26:49.820 --> 01:26:55.960
and as sometimes I do grieve those moments where I'm like, oh, I just wish I

1350
01:26:55.960 --> 01:26:59.900
could have had another birth baby, because I didn't get to have the best

1351
01:26:59.980 --> 01:27:07.160
experience. My birth son's father, there was a lot of trauma there. There's a

1352
01:27:07.160 --> 01:27:14.260
lot of hurt, and so I had to experience some of that stuff, and I thought God was

1353
01:27:14.340 --> 01:27:20.240
gonna reconcile that in the way that I wanted him to, but God's showing me he's

1354
01:27:20.240 --> 01:27:24.000
probably gonna do something even greater, and so I hope that gives you ladies

1355
01:27:24.120 --> 01:27:29.820
encouragement. I want to take some more. We got, oh my goodness, we got six more

1356
01:27:29.820 --> 01:27:32.140
here, so let's be short, brief, and powerful.

1357
01:27:32.860 --> 01:27:36.320
Alexandra, I saw a little timer thing up there. Do you have to get going here

1358
01:27:36.320 --> 01:27:42.380
soon, and I can quickly take yours? No, I was lovingly just reminding you of time.

1359
01:27:42.380 --> 01:27:50.360
Thank you. You can ignore it or not. You know, if y'all would do that, let's like,

1360
01:27:50.480 --> 01:27:55.720
I'm gonna remind you ladies next week, put that little timer reminder, and that

1361
01:27:55.720 --> 01:28:01.900
will help me tremendously. I love it. I'm gonna get off my preaching box right now,

1362
01:28:02.020 --> 01:28:11.100
and we're gonna take some. Sam, I love that you entertain this. You know me. You know

1363
01:28:11.100 --> 01:28:18.680
she gets it. She gets it. She's been here with me for a minute, so I love you ladies.

1364
01:28:18.920 --> 01:28:26.360
You give me so much grace, so I appreciate you. All right, Jami, Leah, Mika, Alexandra,

1365
01:28:26.760 --> 01:28:30.220
Lori, and Susan, and if I cannot get to you, and we cannot be short, brief, and

1366
01:28:30.780 --> 01:28:37.220
powerful, if you can throw your question in the app, I will get to that, but if

1367
01:28:37.220 --> 01:28:41.660
you're like, no, I really need to get on this live and share it, I will definitely

1368
01:28:41.660 --> 01:28:45.860
take it, but if you're like, okay, no, I can put it in the app, and I can share it

1369
01:28:45.860 --> 01:28:51.540
there, please do. Okay, all right. Oh, Jami, are you gonna put it in the app? Perfect.

1370
01:28:51.920 --> 01:28:55.920
I just wanted to answer, because you responded, and I read your message, and I appreciate

1371
01:28:55.920 --> 01:29:02.340
like your response, and you know, like the council, but I mean, like, so it's our

1372
01:29:02.440 --> 01:29:08.660
date. First time he came to me, and so far, he's been doing the whole online dating thing

1373
01:29:08.700 --> 01:29:15.600
correctly. Okay. He, you know, we matched on Holi, and then he got my number within

1374
01:29:15.600 --> 01:29:23.040
a couple hours. He, he screenshotted, like, because at the end of my profile, like, there's

1375
01:29:23.040 --> 01:29:27.920
like an excerpt, and it says, reach out if you want, I mean, reach out if, and I wrote

1376
01:29:27.920 --> 01:29:32.340
a list, and I said, if you're trustworthy, like, godly, and, you know, all these, all

1377
01:29:32.340 --> 01:29:37.620
the things, like, born again, and, you know, like, a problem solver, action-oriented, and

1378
01:29:37.620 --> 01:29:41.360
all that. He screenshotted that, and then sent it to me. He's like, I actually agree

1379
01:29:41.480 --> 01:29:46.800
with, like, everything on this, but it's a little intimidating seeing it, like, you

1380
01:29:46.800 --> 01:29:50.420
know, written out, and I was like, haha, like, you know, I'm sure you have your list, too,

1381
01:29:50.420 --> 01:29:54.100
like, I would love to know what's on your list, and then he just, like, loved it, and

1382
01:29:54.100 --> 01:29:59.120
he scheduled, like, a FaceTime thing, so we FaceTimed, like, within that week, just briefly,

1383
01:29:59.260 --> 01:29:59.960
like, 20 minutes.

1384
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.580
And then we went over like our politic like, you know, I told him I'm like a Republican like I'm you know

1385
01:30:05.580 --> 01:30:11.300
Cuz we I live in California. So and he's in the NSF. So they're really liberal there. Yeah

1386
01:30:12.660 --> 01:30:18.940
Yeah, so we like I jumped on that right away and then he and then he once we got off the call he like messaged me

1387
01:30:18.940 --> 01:30:21.860
He's like, um, I I really enjoy talking to you

1388
01:30:22.560 --> 01:30:26.800
but I do think that it'll be hard romantically if you know if

1389
01:30:26.800 --> 01:30:30.460
Because it seems like you're very strict on the gay thing

1390
01:30:30.900 --> 01:30:36.080
And he's like, but unfortunately my sister's gay. And so I was like, yes, I agree

1391
01:30:36.100 --> 01:30:38.300
It'll be very hard if we have opposing views

1392
01:30:40.140 --> 01:30:40.540
and

1393
01:30:41.080 --> 01:30:43.660
And then I thought it was it was over, you know

1394
01:30:43.660 --> 01:30:49.440
Cuz I thought like he was ending it right there and then he goes would you like to like go on a date?

1395
01:30:49.720 --> 01:30:53.920
He's like, I'm willing to like come drive to you and I was like, no, it's really okay

1396
01:30:53.920 --> 01:30:57.060
Like we can just like text and he's like no like when are you free?

1397
01:30:57.400 --> 01:31:01.560
So then anyways, he ended up coming and then we like spoke for like five hours

1398
01:31:01.560 --> 01:31:07.020
We walked everywhere like around Sacramento and then he at the end of the day. He was like, let's meet

1399
01:31:07.020 --> 01:31:10.680
Do you want to meet again? So I was like sure and I and I was like this time I'll come to you

1400
01:31:11.660 --> 01:31:15.240
So every other week I work cuz I'm a night shift ER nurse

1401
01:31:15.980 --> 01:31:21.400
So like we're doing like bi-weekly meetings and only on Sundays because he's like a associate teacher

1402
01:31:21.400 --> 01:31:24.220
He has like he has like a big resume. I don't like

1403
01:31:24.760 --> 01:31:30.600
He like he was a software engineer for a couple years and got his law degree at Berkeley now. He's associate teacher

1404
01:31:30.600 --> 01:31:32.620
So, I don't know what's going on with that

1405
01:31:32.620 --> 01:31:37.420
But he was very transparent about it and he just started like I think four months ago

1406
01:31:38.020 --> 01:31:42.160
Okay, um, so he's probably really busy too, but you know

1407
01:31:42.160 --> 01:31:47.620
We're trying to make it work and what I like about him is he'd never he never says anything about my appearance

1408
01:31:47.620 --> 01:31:51.540
He didn't even he never said like, oh, I think you're pretty or I'm attracted to you

1409
01:31:51.540 --> 01:31:55.880
like, you know, you're beautiful like, you know, and I felt I felt I like that and

1410
01:31:55.880 --> 01:32:00.440
the only compliment he gives me is like, oh, you're really smart like, you know, like stuff like that and

1411
01:32:02.860 --> 01:32:03.820
and and

1412
01:32:04.220 --> 01:32:11.300
What else and he's very marriage minded like he's ready to settle down and he said that on our first date and our second date

1413
01:32:12.160 --> 01:32:17.940
And I was like, so why are you so like, why are you why do you want to get married and

1414
01:32:18.720 --> 01:32:20.160
He just said, you know

1415
01:32:20.220 --> 01:32:25.800
all my friends are married and settle down and they have kids and even when we hang out they bring their kids and I just feel

1416
01:32:25.800 --> 01:32:29.500
Like, you know, I want us I want to have that too. And I'm kind of lonely

1417
01:32:29.500 --> 01:32:31.460
He said he's lonely like he admitted it

1418
01:32:32.800 --> 01:32:33.220
and

1419
01:32:33.580 --> 01:32:37.200
And he was like and also I don't know what like what else there would be

1420
01:32:37.200 --> 01:32:39.700
I feel like that's the end goal, you know, and I was like, okay

1421
01:32:39.700 --> 01:32:45.760
So he's like, why do you want to get married? And so I was like, well God established marriage and blah blah blah blah

1422
01:32:45.760 --> 01:32:50.540
And he's like, yeah, I agree. So he's like, can you hold hold true to the to the wedding vows?

1423
01:32:50.580 --> 01:32:52.800
And I was like, um, I mean, yes

1424
01:32:52.800 --> 01:32:57.640
And then we like touched on divorce and he was like, would you like actually divorce?

1425
01:32:57.720 --> 01:32:59.280
I was like like I mean, yes

1426
01:32:59.320 --> 01:33:00.060
if you know

1427
01:33:00.060 --> 01:33:04.640
I'm getting like physically or verbally abused and it's a toxic relationship and I feel like I have to get out

1428
01:33:04.640 --> 01:33:07.720
I mean I would but I definitely do not want divorce obviously

1429
01:33:08.280 --> 01:33:13.020
So anyways, I mean he like asked me about my parents my brother and

1430
01:33:13.360 --> 01:33:16.200
My finances he didn't go he didn't like dig too much

1431
01:33:16.200 --> 01:33:17.660
But he was just like are you financially?

1432
01:33:18.060 --> 01:33:22.540
At the place you want to be and I was like, honestly, I do have debt like student loan debt

1433
01:33:22.740 --> 01:33:27.000
But I think by next year, I'll be done with it and he's like, oh I have no debt blah blah

1434
01:33:27.000 --> 01:33:32.160
you know and then he asked me like if I was a virgin if I've ever been in love and

1435
01:33:32.420 --> 01:33:36.800
All the things and I was just I just answered like, you know

1436
01:33:37.740 --> 01:33:44.340
How did you how did you feel answering those questions because we will encourage you ladies like early on

1437
01:33:45.200 --> 01:33:47.380
Those are pretty deep questions

1438
01:33:48.680 --> 01:33:51.160
To have with someone that you're still trying to get to know

1439
01:33:51.700 --> 01:33:57.120
Okay, of course, but I get it because guess what? What did I tell you at the beginning? You did it, too

1440
01:34:00.320 --> 01:34:00.800
Yeah

1441
01:34:01.560 --> 01:34:06.420
Okay. So again, it's not like hard rules like oh my goodness you did this and that's all wrong

1442
01:34:06.420 --> 01:34:08.180
no, like

1443
01:34:08.440 --> 01:34:14.160
I did it too. I mean I could sit here and tell you all the things that I probably did

1444
01:34:14.480 --> 01:34:17.600
Incorrectly even just with my husband now

1445
01:34:17.960 --> 01:34:24.020
Like errors that i'm like, oh, well, I didn't do this by like maybe the book that maybe jackie would have coached

1446
01:34:25.960 --> 01:34:28.480
So that just goes to show you like it's just

1447
01:34:29.000 --> 01:34:35.920
A tool as far as like wisdom goes and and yeah, did it make it hard at times? Yeah

1448
01:34:35.920 --> 01:34:36.780
for sure

1449
01:34:37.080 --> 01:34:39.000
There was definitely some things that i'm like

1450
01:34:39.300 --> 01:34:45.460
Oh, that was probably too soon for me to discuss. I probably didn't see that very clearly, you know

1451
01:34:45.740 --> 01:34:52.340
But again when god is in it and is confirming it and we are in alignment with what he wants

1452
01:34:52.840 --> 01:34:59.260
Like again god's going to be able to use all of our little errors and misleadings to kind of get us back on track

1453
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.280
And so that's that's kind of what I was asking is like, how did you respond?

1454
01:35:05.500 --> 01:35:09.740
What was your thoughts on when he's asking these questions?

1455
01:35:10.380 --> 01:35:11.800
What were you responding?

1456
01:35:12.060 --> 01:35:15.680
And now that you've responded, what are your thoughts on that?

1457
01:35:16.620 --> 01:35:21.420
Yeah, so I mean, I just and I'm very open, like I because I expect him to be honest as well,

1458
01:35:21.420 --> 01:35:23.980
which he was, I said, well, when did you last sleep with someone?

1459
01:35:23.980 --> 01:35:26.700
He said, actually, over the summer, he was dating a Jewish girl,

1460
01:35:26.700 --> 01:35:29.820
but they ended things because of differences in religion.

1461
01:35:29.820 --> 01:35:32.740
He said, so I said, no, I'm not a virgin.

1462
01:35:32.840 --> 01:35:36.420
Like I had a really serious relationship when I was 19 to like 26.

1463
01:35:36.560 --> 01:35:37.420
I was engaged to him.

1464
01:35:37.420 --> 01:35:38.300
I said the whole thing.

1465
01:35:38.300 --> 01:35:41.920
He like I ended it because he went into psychosis after doing like edibles.

1466
01:35:42.240 --> 01:35:45.900
Like I'm very open and I'm over it because I did the hard work.

1467
01:35:45.940 --> 01:35:47.700
I mean, it was very tough.

1468
01:35:47.700 --> 01:35:49.860
And he was like, wow, that must have been really traumatizing.

1469
01:35:50.240 --> 01:35:53.580
And, you know, but you're you seem you come off very strong.

1470
01:35:53.580 --> 01:35:54.680
And I like about you.

1471
01:35:54.700 --> 01:35:57.820
Yeah, like there's been some healing there through some of that trauma.

1472
01:35:57.820 --> 01:36:01.800
So you you're not you're not attached emotion.

1473
01:36:01.800 --> 01:36:04.120
Like you don't have that trauma experience.

1474
01:36:04.180 --> 01:36:05.640
It's not like your trauma bonding.

1475
01:36:05.740 --> 01:36:06.660
Yes, no.

1476
01:36:06.940 --> 01:36:11.260
I think I remember when Jackie did when I did heart work with Jackie the first time,

1477
01:36:12.040 --> 01:36:15.240
we kind of talked about like, how do you know if you're really healed from something?

1478
01:36:16.180 --> 01:36:21.200
You kind of can talk about it without having to get all of those like emotions out.

1479
01:36:21.200 --> 01:36:26.980
Like you're just you realize like there's just this healthier healed version and you're OK.

1480
01:36:27.580 --> 01:36:30.900
It doesn't mean that there's not layers that will come up as you

1481
01:36:30.900 --> 01:36:33.600
get into relationships and dive deeper.

1482
01:36:34.100 --> 01:36:37.080
I mean, healing will come in layers, but you can understand.

1483
01:36:37.580 --> 01:36:39.120
OK, Mika, sorry I couldn't get to you.

1484
01:36:39.180 --> 01:36:40.200
I think she said she had to jump off.

1485
01:36:40.280 --> 01:36:41.160
I don't know if she did already.

1486
01:36:41.600 --> 01:36:45.420
Hopefully she'll put her question up in the app.

1487
01:36:46.040 --> 01:36:47.900
But yeah, so I think that's good.

1488
01:36:48.320 --> 01:36:51.460
But again, I just as you're continuing to get to know him,

1489
01:36:52.820 --> 01:36:54.700
just keep those things in mind.

1490
01:36:54.700 --> 01:36:57.260
You know, keep your guardrails up.

1491
01:36:58.360 --> 01:36:58.460
Yes.

1492
01:36:58.680 --> 01:36:59.400
In community.

1493
01:36:59.900 --> 01:37:02.000
Keep letting us know how things are moving along.

1494
01:37:02.260 --> 01:37:02.520
OK.

1495
01:37:02.880 --> 01:37:09.100
OK, like don't like don't cut out of community because they feel like rainbows and butterflies

1496
01:37:09.260 --> 01:37:10.800
and all the dialogue.

1497
01:37:11.100 --> 01:37:11.960
OK, thank you.

1498
01:37:12.080 --> 01:37:13.200
Thank you.

1499
01:37:13.200 --> 01:37:14.120
You're welcome.

1500
01:37:14.120 --> 01:37:16.520
Like a one on one leader like in a couple.

1501
01:37:17.060 --> 01:37:17.600
Absolutely.

1502
01:37:17.620 --> 01:37:19.280
Yeah, it's under the resource tab.

1503
01:37:19.300 --> 01:37:19.580
All right.

1504
01:37:19.580 --> 01:37:19.780
Awesome.

1505
01:37:19.780 --> 01:37:20.240
Thank you.

1506
01:37:20.580 --> 01:37:21.120
You're welcome.

1507
01:37:22.000 --> 01:37:23.860
All right, Leah, you got an update for me.

1508
01:37:25.440 --> 01:37:30.420
Um, yeah, well, you did answer one of my questions.

1509
01:37:30.660 --> 01:37:33.160
You said maybe we should unpack it.

1510
01:37:33.660 --> 01:37:33.660


1511
01:37:35.160 --> 01:37:44.300
How about about not going to see the men that I've, you know, dragging my feet about seeing.

1512
01:37:45.540 --> 01:37:52.980
And so I think I think part of it is my weight.

1513
01:37:52.980 --> 01:37:59.940
I have I have lost weight this year and I kind of feel like I mean, even though,

1514
01:38:00.100 --> 01:38:02.920
you know, like one of them told me that weight wasn't a thing to him.

1515
01:38:03.080 --> 01:38:04.980
But I kind of.

1516
01:38:05.200 --> 01:38:09.620
You know, feel like that's been a struggle in my life.

1517
01:38:09.820 --> 01:38:10.260
Yeah.

1518
01:38:11.800 --> 01:38:16.780
And just because it's not something for someone that you're getting to know,

1519
01:38:17.100 --> 01:38:20.640
you're recognizing it's something that you're working through.

1520
01:38:20.640 --> 01:38:22.760
Well, I've also had.

1521
01:38:23.460 --> 01:38:29.200
Well, when I first lost my husband, I didn't realize that your body can also go through grief.

1522
01:38:29.480 --> 01:38:30.020
Yeah.

1523
01:38:30.640 --> 01:38:34.800
I didn't know that because you never hear people talk about it.

1524
01:38:34.820 --> 01:38:37.400
And I was going through plantar fasciitis.

1525
01:38:37.940 --> 01:38:42.960
I had like all things going on where I couldn't even walk up the stairs in my house.

1526
01:38:42.960 --> 01:38:44.240
I had to crawl.

1527
01:38:44.920 --> 01:38:46.020
I was in pain.

1528
01:38:46.020 --> 01:38:55.800
And during that time, I had met someone and he came to visit me and and he he told me

1529
01:38:55.800 --> 01:38:58.900
we're still friends, but he lives in Alaska also.

1530
01:38:59.480 --> 01:39:02.800
But he did tell me that, you know, he lost his wife suddenly

1531
01:39:03.080 --> 01:39:05.660
and he said he wanted somebody that was healthy.

1532
01:39:06.540 --> 01:39:10.700
And, you know, I can understand that because I would feel the same.

1533
01:39:10.940 --> 01:39:14.200
But I was going through the worst of it at the time that he came.

1534
01:39:14.200 --> 01:39:16.780
He really insisted on coming at that time.

1535
01:39:16.800 --> 01:39:21.740
So he saw me at my worst and he had just lost weight himself.

1536
01:39:21.800 --> 01:39:23.800
So he he knew the struggle with weight.

1537
01:39:25.360 --> 01:39:25.480
And so.

1538
01:39:28.200 --> 01:39:30.340
But I've had a couple other men.

1539
01:39:31.820 --> 01:39:35.020
And this has been, you know, like five years or more ago.

1540
01:39:35.360 --> 01:39:36.000
Yeah.

1541
01:39:36.000 --> 01:39:43.100
Just kind of make a comment, but not in a hurtful way or, you know, just a gentle loving way.

1542
01:39:43.100 --> 01:39:48.000
And, you know, one of them asked me to marry him even, you know, but.

1543
01:39:50.240 --> 01:39:55.240
You know, so I kind of feel like I have this issue in my brain.

1544
01:39:56.040 --> 01:39:58.800
You've got some beliefs, some lies that are probably.

1545
01:40:02.500 --> 01:40:10.180
planted, that kind of entered and about like your identity and what that looks like and

1546
01:40:10.180 --> 01:40:14.640
how that plays a role with your value, right?

1547
01:40:16.560 --> 01:40:25.300
And so I like that you kind of even pointed out how it sounds like God is bringing up

1548
01:40:25.300 --> 01:40:33.840
this one memory of this guy when you were going through your grief and how he expressed

1549
01:40:33.840 --> 01:40:38.820
that he wanted someone that was healthy and he saw you at your worst.

1550
01:40:39.760 --> 01:40:49.260
And so what, what fears or anxious thoughts come up when you think of that?

1551
01:40:50.260 --> 01:40:53.660
What's a core thought, belief, fear that?

1552
01:40:55.020 --> 01:41:02.820
Probably rejection, like if, you know, like Gary, for instance, was one of the men in

1553
01:41:02.820 --> 01:41:12.980
Arizona that I really did like and he wanted me to come visit and something did come up.

1554
01:41:13.440 --> 01:41:18.440
You know, my daughter ended up having a medical emergency at the same time we were planning

1555
01:41:18.440 --> 01:41:18.660
it.

1556
01:41:19.040 --> 01:41:27.540
So, but then after that, I just kept, I kept kind of keeping myself busy with things and

1557
01:41:28.800 --> 01:41:31.620
prolonging it, he would kind of bring it up periodically.

1558
01:41:31.620 --> 01:41:35.720
And then there was times of the year I didn't want to go because it's 120 degrees.

1559
01:41:35.720 --> 01:41:48.940
And, and so, um, I, I think he maybe lost some, some interest because of that reason.

1560
01:41:49.620 --> 01:41:50.040
And okay.

1561
01:41:50.040 --> 01:41:58.140
So you, you had to cancel this trip because of your daughter, you know, and, and I mean,

1562
01:41:58.800 --> 01:41:59.760
you can't change that.

1563
01:41:59.760 --> 01:42:01.760
You need to be there for your daughter, right?

1564
01:42:02.780 --> 01:42:07.560
But what did you feel when you had to do that?

1565
01:42:09.200 --> 01:42:11.360
Like how did you see yourself?

1566
01:42:11.580 --> 01:42:13.880
Like was there any feelings that surfaced?

1567
01:42:15.340 --> 01:42:16.180
I don't know.

1568
01:42:16.220 --> 01:42:17.680
It's been a while.

1569
01:42:17.980 --> 01:42:26.660
I, I just, I just remember, I think I've thought since then because I didn't seem so excited

1570
01:42:26.660 --> 01:42:32.880
to go all the time, um, that he kind of would bring it up on occasion.

1571
01:42:34.420 --> 01:42:39.100
Um, so when he would bring up, like when he would bring it up, like what was the tone?

1572
01:42:39.100 --> 01:42:41.780
Like how would he bring that up to you?

1573
01:42:45.280 --> 01:42:46.760
Um, I don't know.

1574
01:42:46.800 --> 01:42:48.160
What do you mean the tone?

1575
01:42:48.820 --> 01:42:51.160
Like if he'd bring it up, like, Oh yeah.

1576
01:42:51.160 --> 01:42:58.320
Like when you didn't get to see me and you canceled on me, was it kind of like a shame

1577
01:42:58.320 --> 01:42:58.940
on you?

1578
01:42:59.220 --> 01:42:59.940
You broke your promise?

1579
01:43:00.180 --> 01:43:01.120
Like, is it like that?

1580
01:43:01.320 --> 01:43:01.960
Or is it?

1581
01:43:02.340 --> 01:43:03.060
No, no, no.

1582
01:43:03.100 --> 01:43:04.280
Or was it like, okay.

1583
01:43:07.260 --> 01:43:13.100
Um, but then it was, you know, then it was getting to the, the hot time of the year and

1584
01:43:13.100 --> 01:43:22.340
the hot season for them and, um, and I kept pushing off in my mind, Oh, well maybe in

1585
01:43:22.340 --> 01:43:27.980
the fall winter I'll go and, but then, you know, then, you know, I always end up going

1586
01:43:27.980 --> 01:43:34.480
to my daughter's holidays or, you know, something comes up, something kept coming up and I kept

1587
01:43:34.480 --> 01:43:42.340
thinking to myself, well, is this God telling me it's not, you know, meant for me, you know,

1588
01:43:42.340 --> 01:43:45.440
is this relationship not meant for me?

1589
01:43:46.660 --> 01:43:52.460
Um, I, I wasn't sure there were times where I was excited to go, but times that I wasn't

1590
01:43:52.460 --> 01:43:53.780
excited to go.

1591
01:43:54.340 --> 01:43:59.940
And, and how many, how many years had your, um, had passed since your husband, um, when

1592
01:43:59.940 --> 01:44:02.140
you first met Gary and all of this was happening?

1593
01:44:03.360 --> 01:44:08.600
Um, probably eight, eight months, eight, eight years, eight years.

1594
01:44:08.600 --> 01:44:08.880
Okay.

1595
01:44:08.880 --> 01:44:10.580
I'm at 10 years now.

1596
01:44:10.580 --> 01:44:11.040
Okay.

1597
01:44:11.140 --> 01:44:11.540
Gotcha.

1598
01:44:11.720 --> 01:44:11.940
Okay.

1599
01:44:11.940 --> 01:44:13.840
So this was like two years ago is when, okay.

1600
01:44:14.100 --> 01:44:14.320
Okay.

1601
01:44:14.320 --> 01:44:19.280
I was just kind of trying to see if maybe this was like early on in the grieving process

1602
01:44:19.340 --> 01:44:26.300
or, or whatnot, but I have gone through, I did go through another stage of grief when

1603
01:44:26.300 --> 01:44:30.460
I was retiring and like grief comes in stages.

1604
01:44:30.800 --> 01:44:31.280
Absolutely.

1605
01:44:32.020 --> 01:44:37.420
Um, I think it's great that you're even recognizing like our body responds to grief.

1606
01:44:37.420 --> 01:44:39.180
So ladies, I want you to hear that.

1607
01:44:39.640 --> 01:44:51.560
Like our bodies respond to trauma and often like our bodies don't, can't decipher time

1608
01:44:51.560 --> 01:44:52.220
as well.

1609
01:44:53.220 --> 01:44:58.180
So keep that in mind when you're having interactions with people.

1610
01:44:58.240 --> 01:44:59.800
That's why a lot of times with.

1611
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:08.340
helpful for me in this heartwork and community and learning how heartwork just really helps us

1612
01:45:10.200 --> 01:45:17.800
is you're able to recognize what your thought or feeling is and if you can tie it back to

1613
01:45:18.840 --> 01:45:27.260
a similar feeling, it oftentimes is linked to something else and it has nothing to do with

1614
01:45:27.260 --> 01:45:33.300
you're experiencing in that moment. It's just your body or your mind responding to something

1615
01:45:33.300 --> 01:45:39.900
that feels familiar. So that's why you'll often hear us asking you, when does that feel familiar?

1616
01:45:40.280 --> 01:45:47.640
What memory does this bring up for you? Because that is where God can unlock some of those areas

1617
01:45:47.900 --> 01:45:55.120
where there might be those little foxes in the garden that a lie has entered and that's where

1618
01:45:55.120 --> 01:46:04.620
we want to replace the lie with God's truth. And so I like that all this stuff is starting

1619
01:46:04.620 --> 01:46:09.880
to kind of come out as you're processing through this. I know we don't have a whole lot of time

1620
01:46:12.240 --> 01:46:24.120
but I do want you to lean in some more as to what God is showing you as far as that rejection

1621
01:46:25.120 --> 01:46:31.760
and what you're believing about yourself and your image, where that would have come from

1622
01:46:32.800 --> 01:46:36.620
and what does God's truth actually say?

1623
01:46:38.860 --> 01:46:44.680
And giving yourself grace. I love that you brought up this, you know, this gentleman that

1624
01:46:45.080 --> 01:46:54.640
your body was grieving but yet there was probably this feeling of rejection in a moment when you

1625
01:46:54.640 --> 01:47:05.600
were really just needing connection and support in your grief. And so

1626
01:47:06.660 --> 01:47:12.300
when you allow yourself to have this vulnerability to have someone see you at your worst

1627
01:47:13.600 --> 01:47:22.160
and then that not be the person that God has for you, it's understandable for that to feel

1628
01:47:22.160 --> 01:47:30.100
like rejection and to build up these walls and have these fears of, can I allow someone in

1629
01:47:30.340 --> 01:47:40.400
to see that not so great side of me in the future? Because ladies, like your husbands will see that.

1630
01:47:41.200 --> 01:47:46.940
Y'all, my husband has seen some not so pretty sides of me but what I can assure you ladies

1631
01:47:48.060 --> 01:47:55.960
is that your husbands will love and cherish you for you.

1632
01:47:58.740 --> 01:48:07.320
And God will allow those healing parts of relationship to work those things out

1633
01:48:07.320 --> 01:48:12.220
in your relationship. I mean, my husband and I have had to work on that stuff before.

1634
01:48:12.220 --> 01:48:16.760
There's been some not so great things that we've had to experience

1635
01:48:17.060 --> 01:48:20.540
in our like not so great things, but we've been able to

1636
01:48:22.640 --> 01:48:29.140
recognize it and just love each other for where we're both at and understand with each other

1637
01:48:29.140 --> 01:48:34.280
because we have this commitment and we have this desire to chase after God and to put

1638
01:48:34.280 --> 01:48:44.940
God first in our marriage. And so when we can step into that more, it will feel scary now,

1639
01:48:45.000 --> 01:48:48.780
but it doesn't have to be. And I hope that just gives you encouragement, Leah.

1640
01:48:49.940 --> 01:48:55.340
Well, the same gentleman, I mean, we're still friends, but it's not like we really talk

1641
01:48:55.340 --> 01:49:07.260
all the time. Was that Gary? It wasn't Gary. But he did say that the guy that did make that

1642
01:49:07.260 --> 01:49:13.020
comment, he did circle back. He knows that I've lost weight. He saw because I had posted an

1643
01:49:13.700 --> 01:49:18.140
updated profile picture and he says, you know, I did tell you I would marry you if you were

1644
01:49:18.220 --> 01:49:26.680
healthier. And I just kind of said, Oh, I, I don't remember that because I'm not like that.

1645
01:49:26.700 --> 01:49:32.440
But let me ask, let me ask you, how does that comment make you feel?

1646
01:49:33.700 --> 01:49:38.380
Well, that I wasn't good enough then, but now I am.

1647
01:49:39.720 --> 01:49:45.680
Yeah. And you know what? I'm going to give you permission to, you can, you know, he's probably

1648
01:49:45.680 --> 01:49:52.680
coming from a good place and he's trying to pay you a compliment. I know he is because you can

1649
01:49:52.680 --> 01:49:59.200
literally hold the thought captive of the lie that the enemy is trying to tell you.

1650
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.120
Well, you weren't good enough then, but you're good enough now.

1651
01:50:04.080 --> 01:50:07.380
And you can literally rebuke that thought and be like, no,

1652
01:50:09.080 --> 01:50:14.520
I was always good enough because I know who,

1653
01:50:15.340 --> 01:50:16.440
who and whose I am.

1654
01:50:18.880 --> 01:50:21.640
And it has nothing to do with my appearance.

1655
01:50:21.740 --> 01:50:23.520
It has everything to do with my heart.

1656
01:50:25.440 --> 01:50:28.900
And my husband is going to see that in me.

1657
01:50:28.900 --> 01:50:30.920
He's not going to look at the exterior.

1658
01:50:31.260 --> 01:50:33.400
He's going to also look at the heart.

1659
01:50:35.100 --> 01:50:39.640
He was also newly widowed. It hadn't even been a year.

1660
01:50:39.900 --> 01:50:42.760
So I think it was, he wasn't ready at the time.

1661
01:50:43.020 --> 01:50:45.460
And so you can have that compassion. I think, you know,

1662
01:50:45.460 --> 01:50:50.820
God is giving you that grace to be able to see that.

1663
01:50:50.880 --> 01:50:52.760
And so just hold that.

1664
01:50:53.460 --> 01:50:58.140
And when those lies want to come in and that like thought when it wants to come

1665
01:50:58.140 --> 01:51:02.160
up, just hold those thoughts captive ladies. That's so important.

1666
01:51:02.360 --> 01:51:05.040
I mean that scripture just speaks so much to me,

1667
01:51:05.060 --> 01:51:08.780
like holding those thoughts captive. That's so important.

1668
01:51:08.840 --> 01:51:13.140
I think it's something that we honestly have to experience every day.

1669
01:51:13.260 --> 01:51:14.040
I don't know about y'all,

1670
01:51:14.220 --> 01:51:20.880
but I mean I'm constantly having to hold thoughts captive every single day

1671
01:51:22.300 --> 01:51:27.380
every day. I am not perfect by any means.

1672
01:51:28.420 --> 01:51:33.820
The struggle is real. Life can be a challenge.

1673
01:51:34.720 --> 01:51:44.020
The enemy wants to come in all different ways and we just have to face it with,

1674
01:51:44.700 --> 01:51:47.560
you know, look, I'm not going to allow it. This is God's truth.

1675
01:51:48.200 --> 01:51:54.920
And we give ourselves grace when we don't get it right a hundred percent of the

1676
01:51:54.920 --> 01:51:55.020
time.

1677
01:51:57.640 --> 01:52:00.520
So, all right, Leah, thank you so much for sharing.

1678
01:52:00.840 --> 01:52:04.720
I appreciate it and just continue to press into that.

1679
01:52:04.960 --> 01:52:07.860
I think God is showing you a lot of really wonderful, beautiful things.

1680
01:52:09.520 --> 01:52:17.920
And I did have a date yesterday with the older man from church that's 14 years

1681
01:52:17.920 --> 01:52:19.900
older and I'm not interested,

1682
01:52:20.180 --> 01:52:24.260
but he waited for me after church in the parking lot.

1683
01:52:24.260 --> 01:52:27.840
I was chatting with, and one of the last ones out,

1684
01:52:28.100 --> 01:52:31.340
he was in his car and he asked me out to lunch,

1685
01:52:31.540 --> 01:52:34.420
but I didn't choose to go to lunch. But I said,

1686
01:52:34.440 --> 01:52:39.000
I will have coffee with you sometime. Oh, he said, how about tomorrow?

1687
01:52:39.260 --> 01:52:42.420
So, so we did and it was like long.

1688
01:52:42.420 --> 01:52:47.060
It was probably five hours almost ended up being, but,

1689
01:52:47.540 --> 01:52:52.660
and I've known him for several years. I didn't know him as deeply and he did,

1690
01:52:52.660 --> 01:52:55.820
you know, he was pursuing me, but you know,

1691
01:52:55.820 --> 01:52:58.200
I kind of had to make it clear that I would.

1692
01:52:58.400 --> 01:53:01.600
Did you put, yeah, I'm glad you were able to practice some boundaries.

1693
01:53:01.980 --> 01:53:04.220
Were you able to kind of just let him know,

1694
01:53:04.880 --> 01:53:09.980
like I have this community that I'm in and you might be interested in it?

1695
01:53:09.980 --> 01:53:14.840
It did bring it up. I don't think he would be interested to be honest,

1696
01:53:16.260 --> 01:53:18.360
but I mean, I think he,

1697
01:53:18.360 --> 01:53:23.760
I don't think he would want to be in it. And he's, but I mean,

1698
01:53:24.060 --> 01:53:25.840
I did tell him that I,

1699
01:53:26.060 --> 01:53:31.620
I have a good friend that I was going to check to she's older and I would check

1700
01:53:31.620 --> 01:53:36.420
to see if there was anyone at her church that is single, you know,

1701
01:53:36.480 --> 01:53:40.940
close to his age. And so I told him I was, you know,

1702
01:53:40.940 --> 01:53:44.220
all about networking and I kind of told him about this.

1703
01:53:45.320 --> 01:53:45.880
Good.

1704
01:53:47.440 --> 01:53:49.900
So he felt good about that.

1705
01:53:50.200 --> 01:53:52.700
Good. See ladies,

1706
01:53:52.980 --> 01:53:56.480
like it's a yes and you just go and you're getting to know someone you're

1707
01:53:56.480 --> 01:54:01.380
practicing that dating muscle. And again, she was able to, you know,

1708
01:54:01.400 --> 01:54:05.240
practice some boundary setting, getting to know someone she's getting to know

1709
01:54:05.240 --> 01:54:09.740
herself. She's, I mean, I'm, I'm guessing like, you can be like, wow,

1710
01:54:09.740 --> 01:54:13.460
that's a win. Yeah. That is a huge win.

1711
01:54:14.300 --> 01:54:19.120
And an accomplishment. And you're like, awesome.

1712
01:54:19.440 --> 01:54:19.960
Yeah.

1713
01:54:21.640 --> 01:54:25.220
It went very well. And we were just getting to know each other too,

1714
01:54:25.660 --> 01:54:29.040
a little bit more pressure off. It really does.

1715
01:54:29.260 --> 01:54:32.940
It does. And then, and then the moment came where he said, well,

1716
01:54:32.940 --> 01:54:36.820
we've been talking about a lot of things, but I would like to talk about us.

1717
01:54:38.320 --> 01:54:41.840
And so not getting a hint. Oh man,

1718
01:54:42.800 --> 01:54:43.940
God bless him.

1719
01:54:45.000 --> 01:54:50.900
He's a really good man. He's, he's actually very fit for his age.

1720
01:54:51.000 --> 01:54:55.040
He's, he's attractive for a 77 year old. He's,

1721
01:54:55.200 --> 01:54:58.040
he's very lively, very engaging.

1722
01:54:58.300 --> 01:54:59.980
He likes to be involved in.

1723
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.100
a lot of things. And, and he's, he even said, if you ever need

1724
01:55:05.100 --> 01:55:09.540
any help with anything, you know, give me a call. He's just

1725
01:55:09.540 --> 01:55:10.820
very kind hearted.

1726
01:55:11.300 --> 01:55:14.300
Good. Well, you know what, when you see me be like, Hey, you

1727
01:55:14.300 --> 01:55:16.980
know, I have this community. There's lots of women, you know,

1728
01:55:16.980 --> 01:55:20.340
you never know. You can just always keep kind of just

1729
01:55:20.340 --> 01:55:25.500
playfully reminding him. Like, I'm, you're not the one for me,

1730
01:55:25.500 --> 01:55:31.140
but doesn't mean that I don't know people. And maybe that

1731
01:55:31.140 --> 01:55:34.020
seed's getting planted. And maybe one day he'll just, you

1732
01:55:34.020 --> 01:55:35.880
know, God will speak to him and be like, Hey, you need to take

1733
01:55:35.880 --> 01:55:40.540
up, take Leah up on this offer and maybe investigate what she's

1734
01:55:40.540 --> 01:55:45.140
talking about in this community. You never know. You never know.

1735
01:55:46.020 --> 01:55:50.260
All right, Leah, thank you so much. All right, Alexandra and

1736
01:55:50.260 --> 01:55:52.900
Susan, how, how short, brief and powerful can we be? Because we

1737
01:55:52.970 --> 01:55:54.250
are coming on two hours.

1738
01:55:55.610 --> 01:55:59.330
I can maybe come on tonight later. I have it's kind of a

1739
01:55:59.950 --> 01:56:00.450
story. So

1740
01:56:00.910 --> 01:56:04.370
can you because I'm gonna try to come in tonight. I can't make

1741
01:56:04.370 --> 01:56:07.090
any promises because I'll have my kids and I got to help a lot

1742
01:56:07.090 --> 01:56:10.050
of them with their schoolwork. But if I can jump in tonight, I

1743
01:56:10.050 --> 01:56:14.610
will I'll kind of tag team with Ebony if I can, but if not, can

1744
01:56:14.730 --> 01:56:16.570
you update us in the app too?

1745
01:56:17.710 --> 01:56:20.150
Yeah, it's Yeah, I'll try. Okay.

1746
01:56:20.690 --> 01:56:25.370
Sounds good. And then yeah, go check out my response to your

1747
01:56:25.890 --> 01:56:29.510
dream. Yeah, I hope that I hope that was encouraging. I hope

1748
01:56:29.510 --> 01:56:31.170
that spoke to you because there was something else. I think I

1749
01:56:31.170 --> 01:56:32.710
was sharing about that too about

1750
01:56:34.450 --> 01:56:39.030
I didn't watch the dream thing. Okay, the takeaway is kind of

1751
01:56:39.030 --> 01:56:42.110
like let the Holy Spirit which is just very challenging. Like

1752
01:56:42.110 --> 01:56:43.390
I don't I'm trying.

1753
01:56:43.590 --> 01:56:50.130
It's a muscle that you really do have to work. I mean, I I'm the

1754
01:56:50.130 --> 01:56:56.470
I'm not. What's the word I'm looking for? I'm still learning

1755
01:56:56.470 --> 01:57:02.070
how to grow in that gift. And so it just takes time. It just you

1756
01:57:02.350 --> 01:57:07.650
know, so just explore it, you know, spend time with it. I gave

1757
01:57:07.650 --> 01:57:11.450
you a little bit of kind of what God was speaking to me. Yeah,

1758
01:57:11.470 --> 01:57:15.730
thank you. Folks speaks to you. Take hold of it. If it doesn't,

1759
01:57:16.010 --> 01:57:19.690
you can trash it, flush it, whatever. But yeah, I was even

1760
01:57:19.690 --> 01:57:22.510
like something stuck out to me about you going on this like it

1761
01:57:22.510 --> 01:57:27.110
was a girl's trip. Mm hmm. And so that kind of like that was

1762
01:57:27.110 --> 01:57:32.330
highlighted to me as well as the the emerald, the gemstones, the

1763
01:57:32.330 --> 01:57:34.130
pressure, all that kind of stuff. So

1764
01:57:34.410 --> 01:57:37.490
well, I can try I'll maybe share the whole story tonight. Can I

1765
01:57:37.490 --> 01:57:43.150
just ask you I'll try to brief make it brief. So super exciting

1766
01:57:43.150 --> 01:57:46.970
like beginning with this new guy on Sunday, my best friend was

1767
01:57:47.030 --> 01:57:50.090
involved. I felt like God like led me to this conversation

1768
01:57:50.090 --> 01:57:54.450
where I was bold. I like went up to go talk to him. And then I

1769
01:57:54.450 --> 01:57:56.990
was like, if you want to hang out, let me know. And then he

1770
01:57:56.990 --> 01:58:00.090
ended up asking me on a date for Sunday night, which was exciting.

1771
01:58:01.050 --> 01:58:05.670
He's just going very like fast. I think he's very we both it was

1772
01:58:05.670 --> 01:58:09.370
a very exciting beginning. So I think we were both kind of on

1773
01:58:09.370 --> 01:58:13.430
fire after that. But I told him a couple of times I want to take

1774
01:58:13.430 --> 01:58:16.790
things slowly. But he's mentioned multiple times how

1775
01:58:16.810 --> 01:58:19.830
he's like physically attracted to me. And, and he was like,

1776
01:58:19.830 --> 01:58:22.450
kind of putting his hand on my leg, but then would pull it

1777
01:58:22.450 --> 01:58:24.570
away. And I was like, if you want to hold this is our second

1778
01:58:24.570 --> 01:58:28.650
we had we hung out yesterday as well. And which I'm like, I'm

1779
01:58:28.650 --> 01:58:31.330
trying to slow it down. Now. We're not going to see each

1780
01:58:31.330 --> 01:58:34.330
other till like Saturday. But I was like, if you want to hold my

1781
01:58:34.330 --> 01:58:37.030
hand, you can just because it's like, I'm like, I want to hold

1782
01:58:37.030 --> 01:58:40.510
his hand. And also I can tell he's like struggling with not

1783
01:58:41.770 --> 01:58:45.230
not like just hold my hand if you want to hold my hand. Anyway,

1784
01:58:45.770 --> 01:58:50.210
so I don't feel like he's really getting that part. And I kind of

1785
01:58:50.310 --> 01:58:53.930
feel like I've had some instances in the past of like,

1786
01:58:53.930 --> 01:58:57.410
some love bombing and then also like just people not respecting

1787
01:58:57.410 --> 01:59:01.110
physical boundaries. So I find myself very, I feel very like

1788
01:59:01.170 --> 01:59:06.850
unsafe is what's coming up for me. Um, and I don't know,

1789
01:59:06.910 --> 01:59:09.410
because it's just been two dates, but we are texting he's

1790
01:59:09.410 --> 01:59:11.730
like, pretty easy to communicate with. He respects it

1791
01:59:11.730 --> 01:59:15.410
when I say it. But I don't think for him. He knows what that

1792
01:59:15.410 --> 01:59:17.830
looks like. So yeah.

1793
01:59:18.690 --> 01:59:22.030
So he's respecting when you're saying it, but then maybe the

1794
01:59:22.030 --> 01:59:27.430
actions aren't really showing that he understands it. Yeah.

1795
01:59:29.190 --> 01:59:33.210
Um, well, I think that would be again, just maybe another, like

1796
01:59:33.210 --> 01:59:37.730
conversation or when you're expressing the boundary, are you

1797
01:59:37.730 --> 01:59:40.010
face to face with them? Are you doing this on text?

1798
01:59:40.830 --> 01:59:41.950
Yeah, face to face usually.

1799
01:59:42.090 --> 01:59:45.950
Okay. Um, I mean, it might be one of those things of like,

1800
01:59:46.270 --> 01:59:50.510
hey, this is what I'm noticing. This is really important to me.

1801
01:59:50.550 --> 01:59:57.190
This is a boundary that I really hold sacred. And I need to know

1802
01:59:57.190 --> 01:59:59.570
if that's going to be a deal breaker for you.

1803
02:00:00.540 --> 02:00:05.440
I'm okay and I'm gonna ask you are you comfortable with holding hands like

1804
02:00:05.440 --> 02:00:09.320
where is he drawing the line are you comfortable with the hand holding is he

1805
02:00:09.320 --> 02:00:15.340
trying to get more touchy-feely is he trying to kiss you is he trying to touch

1806
02:00:15.660 --> 02:00:20.660
you like explain that to me a little further as far as like how he's rushing

1807
02:00:20.900 --> 02:00:25.560
this yeah our very first on Sunday night when we went out to dinner we were

1808
02:00:25.580 --> 02:00:29.480
walking away from the table and he like kind of brushed the set the back of my

1809
02:00:29.480 --> 02:00:34.240
back and I was like whoa like I just wouldn't expect that's kind of a line

1810
02:00:34.620 --> 02:00:39.140
right yeah I mean it was like her first time hanging out and he's touching me it

1811
02:00:39.140 --> 02:00:43.520
felt kind of weird okay so when he did that what did what was your response to

1812
02:00:43.520 --> 02:00:50.800
him I didn't say anything I'm not very good at yeah that's fine like these are

1813
02:00:50.800 --> 02:00:53.900
good things to know I mean these are things that are highlighting to you

1814
02:00:53.900 --> 02:00:59.680
because we can we can unpack that we can spend some time with Holy Spirit and

1815
02:00:59.680 --> 02:01:05.880
say okay like what is this like how do you want me to navigate this Lord because

1816
02:01:05.880 --> 02:01:11.040
it's important for you to recognize okay I I'm not comfortable with this but I

1817
02:01:11.040 --> 02:01:17.760
also recognize I'm really not forward with setting a boundary and so being

1818
02:01:17.760 --> 02:01:26.000
able to recognize what feelings and thoughts come up when you're like I

1819
02:01:26.000 --> 02:01:31.040
don't like this but I'm struggling with communicating this what's that rooted in

1820
02:01:31.200 --> 02:01:35.800
what am I fearful of what am I anxious about and then we can kind of break that

1821
02:01:35.800 --> 02:01:38.820
down and honestly it doesn't even have to be like you know sometimes we go

1822
02:01:38.820 --> 02:01:41.460
through heart work I mean we've been just through phase one and we go through

1823
02:01:41.460 --> 02:01:45.820
this heart work it's like oh it's this like heart surgery and ladies what I

1824
02:01:45.820 --> 02:01:49.300
will tell you like as you navigate heart work and you get more and more

1825
02:01:49.300 --> 02:01:54.240
familiar with it it doesn't have to be this long process you can just be like

1826
02:01:54.460 --> 02:02:00.500
oh I recognize that oh this is the lie I'm believing this is the truth I don't

1827
02:02:00.500 --> 02:02:03.800
operate in that anymore okay this is what I'm gonna do differently and then

1828
02:02:03.960 --> 02:02:10.880
you're good okay so he brushes a small your back you don't say anything did he

1829
02:02:10.880 --> 02:02:17.680
do anything else after that it was like my upper back but um but that was just

1830
02:02:17.680 --> 02:02:21.720
too close to comfort yeah it just was very forward I was like oh interesting

1831
02:02:21.760 --> 02:02:27.560
like he's anyway so I'm making these assumptions about him that he's like I'm

1832
02:02:27.560 --> 02:02:33.420
like he's probably very comfortable being physical early on which is not

1833
02:02:33.420 --> 02:02:37.880
what I'm hoping like something I know we have to give grace for people who are

1834
02:02:37.880 --> 02:02:42.080
just in different places but and I like saw him this is me going too far

1835
02:02:42.080 --> 02:02:45.020
probably but like he was like I felt like he was having a hard time taking

1836
02:02:45.080 --> 02:02:49.520
his eyes off of a couple of women that were walking by and so I'm like does he

1837
02:02:49.520 --> 02:02:53.080
have a pornography addiction like I'm just getting way far ahead of myself

1838
02:02:53.260 --> 02:02:59.180
you got some anxious thoughts that are really starting to kind of stir yeah

1839
02:02:59.180 --> 02:03:04.100
right so again can you pinpoint things in the

1840
02:03:04.100 --> 02:03:10.660
past that feels familiar and kind of recognize where that might be yes yeah

1841
02:03:11.100 --> 02:03:17.420
okay that's good that's really really good so to answer I mean I'm guessing is

1842
02:03:17.420 --> 02:03:21.280
your question kind of like how do you navigate this yeah like do I wait till

1843
02:03:21.280 --> 02:03:27.100
Saturday and like I actually told him he could kiss me because like I guess if

1844
02:03:27.100 --> 02:03:31.720
I'm on board if he's not doing it like if he's not just doing things we can

1845
02:03:31.720 --> 02:03:35.180
talk about things like I do want to hold his hand I didn't like when he

1846
02:03:35.180 --> 02:03:40.560
rubbed my back but and I guess I just in general I feel like he's I'm I'm more

1847
02:03:40.680 --> 02:03:45.940
nervous about like overall how he looks at physical touch and dating and marriage

1848
02:03:46.640 --> 02:03:53.200
but okay I'm gonna I'm gonna press you a little bit here okay mm-hmm and Susan I

1849
02:03:53.200 --> 02:04:00.120
don't know if I Susan is is it gonna be a huge problem if I ask you to post your

1850
02:04:00.120 --> 02:04:05.340
question on the app I think you might have asked your question on and thank

1851
02:04:05.340 --> 02:04:09.500
you Lori and Lori keep me updated in the app as well

1852
02:04:12.620 --> 02:04:17.720
Alexandra I'm gonna press you a little bit okay yeah we have this we have this

1853
02:04:17.720 --> 02:04:26.160
discomfort here with him touching your back but I want to be offered him the

1854
02:04:26.160 --> 02:04:32.060
ability to kiss us and we're not an exclusive relationship yeah I think that

1855
02:04:32.060 --> 02:04:39.360
is one of the I really want that's I want you in some time with that okay

1856
02:04:39.360 --> 02:04:49.660
cuz that that gives me some concern yeah yeah where like why what's prompting you

1857
02:04:49.660 --> 02:04:57.660
to let that boundary down yeah what's I think it's just a desire for that from

1858
02:04:58.780 --> 02:04:59.980
anybody like

1859
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:08.540
and impatience of waiting for, um, but he also is, he texts, he's kind of pushing that

1860
02:05:08.540 --> 02:05:09.060
as well.

1861
02:05:09.380 --> 02:05:10.200
So, okay.

1862
02:05:10.200 --> 02:05:16.000
So yeah, so he's pushing that you are recognizing you have a desire for that.

1863
02:05:16.200 --> 02:05:17.200
So here's the thing.

1864
02:05:19.440 --> 02:05:22.060
He's getting physical, you're getting uncomfortable.

1865
02:05:22.280 --> 02:05:23.600
You're not feeling safe.

1866
02:05:24.220 --> 02:05:31.400
Your spirit is showing you some things, it's going to want you to kind of like, these are

1867
02:05:31.400 --> 02:05:35.420
things that you're going to want to address, okay?

1868
02:05:35.680 --> 02:05:41.980
And so this is where you're going to practice some new tools that you're learning through

1869
02:05:41.980 --> 02:05:42.400
heartwork.

1870
02:05:42.720 --> 02:05:43.240
Yeah.

1871
02:05:43.340 --> 02:05:45.360
And it might feel uncomfortable.

1872
02:05:46.480 --> 02:05:47.840
Actually it will feel uncomfortable.

1873
02:05:48.140 --> 02:05:49.400
Ladies, I'll be honest with you.

1874
02:05:50.160 --> 02:05:55.580
As we step out of heartwork and we get into this dating, this dating stuff out of heartwork,

1875
02:05:55.880 --> 02:05:58.680
it does feel different because you are different.

1876
02:05:59.300 --> 02:06:00.620
Your heart is different.

1877
02:06:00.860 --> 02:06:03.220
You're healed, you're healing, okay?

1878
02:06:04.780 --> 02:06:10.860
So I want you to really spend time with Holy Spirit on this, okay?

1879
02:06:12.540 --> 02:06:24.340
Because the reality of this is, if you're open allowing him to kiss you, you're opening

1880
02:06:24.340 --> 02:06:30.160
that door for those boundaries to literally not exist, okay?

1881
02:06:30.860 --> 02:06:35.740
He's already showing you that physical attraction, okay?

1882
02:06:35.740 --> 02:06:37.720
It's already setting off alarms for you.

1883
02:06:37.720 --> 02:06:40.300
It's making you kind of go into these anxious thoughts.

1884
02:06:40.820 --> 02:06:45.000
And what I'm going to tell you, we got to get a hold of that, okay?

1885
02:06:45.000 --> 02:06:46.320
God is wanting to show you something.

1886
02:06:46.520 --> 02:06:48.900
He's going to want to help you kind of navigate this.

1887
02:06:49.560 --> 02:07:01.700
And so my wisdom and my encouragement to you is when you see him, have the conversation.

1888
02:07:03.380 --> 02:07:10.460
Or even if you want to not even wait until you see him, just say, look, I'm recognizing

1889
02:07:11.620 --> 02:07:14.740
some areas of discomfort and this kind of moving fast.

1890
02:07:14.800 --> 02:07:17.400
And I know I've shared with you that I want to take things slow.

1891
02:07:17.720 --> 02:07:21.140
And I appreciate that when I've shared this, you've backed off.

1892
02:07:21.760 --> 02:07:28.780
But I've also noticed that even when I've shared this, we still are kind of crossing

1893
02:07:28.780 --> 02:07:32.300
some lines here that I don't feel comfortable with.

1894
02:07:33.060 --> 02:07:37.680
And I'm recognizing that I need to back off.

1895
02:07:39.260 --> 02:07:45.700
I need to know like, what's your take on what this looks like?

1896
02:07:48.580 --> 02:07:51.180
I wanted to ask, I didn't know if it was too soon.

1897
02:07:51.840 --> 02:07:55.620
I mean, but you guys are already kind of at the, I mean, you're already considering having

1898
02:07:55.620 --> 02:07:59.020
like kissing him, right?

1899
02:08:00.780 --> 02:08:04.580
There's already these emotions and these feelings like this discomfort.

1900
02:08:04.680 --> 02:08:09.500
So I don't want you sitting here in these like thoughts where you're assuming he's into

1901
02:08:09.500 --> 02:08:14.000
pornography and he's, you know, checking out other women and it's just, that's just going

1902
02:08:14.060 --> 02:08:20.120
to read all this, you know, and so you're, you're going to feel a lot better when you

1903
02:08:20.120 --> 02:08:25.120
kind of get it off and have the conversation and there's ladies, there's ways of being

1904
02:08:25.120 --> 02:08:32.140
able to go about these conversations and it not having to get awkward.

1905
02:08:32.340 --> 02:08:37.400
You can have healthy, mature conversations about it because this is you setting a boundary

1906
02:08:37.480 --> 02:08:39.060
because let's, let's face it.

1907
02:08:39.060 --> 02:08:44.080
This guy is having physical touch with you is wanting to hold your hand.

1908
02:08:44.300 --> 02:08:49.520
You know, there's definitely attraction there.

1909
02:08:49.600 --> 02:08:50.880
He's made it known.

1910
02:08:50.880 --> 02:08:54.260
I'm sure you've probably made it known as well.

1911
02:08:54.980 --> 02:08:56.180
I mean, it's natural.

1912
02:08:56.340 --> 02:08:57.940
Like there's nothing wrong with that lady.

1913
02:08:58.220 --> 02:08:59.400
He really wants to ask about it too.

1914
02:08:59.400 --> 02:09:00.820
And we had such a fun start.

1915
02:09:00.820 --> 02:09:04.060
I'm like, that's not a bad thing, but like, and it's, and it's not.

1916
02:09:04.320 --> 02:09:06.340
And so we can have those conversations.

1917
02:09:06.600 --> 02:09:12.940
So it's, it's going to be really important to have that conversation sooner rather than

1918
02:09:12.940 --> 02:09:13.240
later.

1919
02:09:13.540 --> 02:09:13.980
Yeah.

1920
02:09:13.980 --> 02:09:15.600
I think I just didn't know how to say it.

1921
02:09:15.620 --> 02:09:20.720
So your wording is kind of helpful because like I know myself, I've kind of, so I'll

1922
02:09:20.720 --> 02:09:26.000
I've kind of, you know, taking things faster in ways and I want to, but I'm like, I don't

1923
02:09:26.000 --> 02:09:26.400
even know.

1924
02:09:26.520 --> 02:09:27.400
I'm right there with you.

1925
02:09:27.440 --> 02:09:28.620
I was a kissing bandit.

1926
02:09:28.620 --> 02:09:31.180
You know, I was kissing boys on the first date all the time.

1927
02:09:31.420 --> 02:09:32.400
I love kissing.

1928
02:09:33.480 --> 02:09:34.780
I love it too.

1929
02:09:35.160 --> 02:09:36.860
So I get it.

1930
02:09:37.000 --> 02:09:40.400
And that was like, that was a challenge for me ladies and like, hear me out.

1931
02:09:40.400 --> 02:09:45.580
Like when I joined this community, even before I joined this community, God was like, you

1932
02:09:45.580 --> 02:09:51.100
are not even kissing until you know, this man is going to be your husband.

1933
02:09:51.420 --> 02:09:51.420


1934
02:09:51.580 --> 02:09:53.580
Now, or get an exclusive relationship.

1935
02:09:53.720 --> 02:09:55.540
So that was something that God put on my heart.

1936
02:09:55.560 --> 02:09:58.360
You are not kissing anybody until you are an exclusive relationship.

1937
02:09:58.680 --> 02:09:59.980
I mean, so much so that my

1938
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:05.640
Husband on our first date. He asked if he could kiss me as much as I was like, oh, I totally love kissing

1939
02:10:05.920 --> 02:10:07.680
I told him no, I

1940
02:10:08.860 --> 02:10:10.760
Told him no, and I still joke with him about it

1941
02:10:11.360 --> 02:10:15.480
he wanted to kiss me on the first date and I was like no and I'm gonna tell you why because

1942
02:10:15.940 --> 02:10:19.640
You need to be an exclusive relationship with me. I

1943
02:10:19.640 --> 02:10:19.980
know

1944
02:10:21.060 --> 02:10:24.000
So, you know, but it was really good for me

1945
02:10:25.480 --> 02:10:27.400
To be able to set that boundary

1946
02:10:28.760 --> 02:10:32.660
Yeah, and I'm pretty similar and I just didn't think so so early on I was like

1947
02:10:32.660 --> 02:10:35.560
I don't know how to explain this to him so early on

1948
02:10:36.540 --> 02:10:40.400
So we've avoided that deep conversation. I've tried to drop hints, but it's not

1949
02:10:41.000 --> 02:10:44.900
Yes, I'm saying like my I mean like my husband like came out on the first date

1950
02:10:44.900 --> 02:10:48.080
It was like can I kiss you and I appreciated the fact that he asked me permission

1951
02:10:48.220 --> 02:10:49.940
Okay, and yeah

1952
02:10:49.940 --> 02:10:54.840
It is easier when they ask you because then you can just be very honest like no you may not

1953
02:10:54.840 --> 02:10:59.640
you know like you're asking permission and you can say no, but when they're just trying to be like

1954
02:11:00.260 --> 02:11:05.900
They're probably being awkward about it, you know, and then you're kind of like, okay. Do I respond to this?

1955
02:11:05.920 --> 02:11:10.360
How do I set the boundary like I'm not supposed to talk about this, but it's clear

1956
02:11:10.900 --> 02:11:15.240
What do I do? I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to you know, break the rules

1957
02:11:15.240 --> 02:11:17.820
Okay, and again, that's where I'm like, there's no rules

1958
02:11:18.480 --> 02:11:19.960
There's no like

1959
02:11:20.220 --> 02:11:21.640
Hardcore, this is just guardrails

1960
02:11:22.720 --> 02:11:23.760
mm-hmm, and so

1961
02:11:24.440 --> 02:11:28.700
Because that's the situation you're gonna be like look I'm just gonna let you know

1962
02:11:28.940 --> 02:11:34.800
like this is something that is really important to me and I think we both probably have

1963
02:11:35.160 --> 02:11:40.080
had some awkwardness around this and I'm just gonna kind of go out and just let you know where I'm at with this and where

1964
02:11:40.080 --> 02:11:43.260
I stand is, you know, I'm not comfortable

1965
02:11:44.280 --> 02:11:51.560
With the physical contact until I'm in an exclusive relationships, which means like he wants to do that

1966
02:11:51.560 --> 02:11:56.720
Now he's ready to be in an exclusive relationship. I'm not ready for that

1967
02:11:56.720 --> 02:12:04.020
I need to spend time getting to know you. Yeah, and I'm gonna need that to be okay, and if it's not I understand

1968
02:12:04.740 --> 02:12:09.420
Mm-hmm, but that's what I'm gonna need in order to feel safe moving forward

1969
02:12:09.520 --> 02:12:16.440
Yeah, and a mature masculine man is going to respect and honor that not just with his words ladies

1970
02:12:16.440 --> 02:12:18.980
but with his actions

1971
02:12:19.720 --> 02:12:26.840
He men might say it in that moment, oh, yeah, of course, I respect you of course and then an hour or two later

1972
02:12:27.860 --> 02:12:34.960
They're like getting close to you or oh, I just really you know, I find you so attractive and oh your lips are so beautiful

1973
02:12:35.520 --> 02:12:36.000
like

1974
02:12:37.100 --> 02:12:40.760
This is him and you can be like, yeah, I know I'm gorgeous girl

1975
02:12:48.000 --> 02:12:48.960
But I

1976
02:12:50.300 --> 02:12:54.500
If you can't hold that boundary in this beginning stage

1977
02:12:54.500 --> 02:13:01.120
How do you think you're gonna hold the boundary when you exclusive and you're engaged and you trying to wait?

1978
02:13:01.380 --> 02:13:03.240
to have sex before marriage and

1979
02:13:05.540 --> 02:13:09.700
Y'all hanging at each other's house and

1980
02:13:10.140 --> 02:13:13.280
Things get hot heavy. Okay. Yeah, it's hard

1981
02:13:13.520 --> 02:13:19.160
Yeah, ask any of the women and men in our community that are married

1982
02:13:20.000 --> 02:13:28.120
How difficult it was to literally like, okay, we can't cross this line. Mm-hmm. I

1983
02:13:28.120 --> 02:13:31.900
Guarantee you every single couple myself included

1984
02:13:32.500 --> 02:13:35.620
We had to struggle through this

1985
02:13:35.700 --> 02:13:42.920
So if you can't hold those boundaries in these beginning stages when you're kind of like, I don't know what we are

1986
02:13:43.440 --> 02:13:48.400
Y'all when you realize what you are and you're like, yeah, we're exclusive and we're going like

1987
02:13:48.960 --> 02:13:52.820
Y'all it's gonna be hard. I think it's harder than so

1988
02:13:52.820 --> 02:14:00.460
We really want to help you ladies establish those boundaries now and really see is this guy gonna honor it because ladies

1989
02:14:00.460 --> 02:14:01.680
Let me tell you

1990
02:14:02.000 --> 02:14:05.480
you really are going to need someone that's going to honor and

1991
02:14:06.180 --> 02:14:08.100
And respect that

1992
02:14:08.100 --> 02:14:14.260
And it really does take a man to be able to do that and it's gonna take accountability on both of your parts

1993
02:14:14.500 --> 02:14:20.060
Mm-hmm. Hey, I had as much as I like I had to sometimes hold my husband accountable

1994
02:14:20.540 --> 02:14:22.080
Before he was my husband

1995
02:14:23.160 --> 02:14:23.700
like

1996
02:14:24.040 --> 02:14:30.500
he was he did a really good job at that, but there were moments where I was like, oh my goodness like

1997
02:14:31.220 --> 02:14:35.020
He's he's in a married weakness and I I can't do that like again

1998
02:14:35.820 --> 02:14:37.640
Thank you Jesus for grace

1999
02:14:38.360 --> 02:14:41.260
Because you need that you're gonna need a lot of great

2000
02:14:42.920 --> 02:14:43.480
Okay

2001
02:14:44.180 --> 02:14:50.720
But I just I really can't stress that enough and like Jackie does a whole like teaching on this

2002
02:14:50.720 --> 02:14:53.720
I know she's posted an Instagram and her page about

2003
02:14:54.120 --> 02:14:55.980
why it's important to kind of

2004
02:14:56.700 --> 02:14:59.980
Not kind of why it's important not to put your

2005
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:01.240
yourself in those situations?

2006
02:15:01.240 --> 02:15:03.020
Why not to have sex before marriage?

2007
02:15:03.820 --> 02:15:03.900
Okay.

2008
02:15:04.080 --> 02:15:05.140
That I'm pretty on board with.

2009
02:15:05.180 --> 02:15:06.640
In the past, I've been really good,

2010
02:15:06.760 --> 02:15:09.100
but I felt like I couldn't talk to him about it yet.

2011
02:15:09.280 --> 02:15:09.640
Yeah.

2012
02:15:10.040 --> 02:15:13.060
So, because it was so early, but now I'm-

2013
02:15:13.060 --> 02:15:15.040
And again, we don't, we wanna be fully transparent

2014
02:15:15.040 --> 02:15:16.600
and really feel like we could be ourselves

2015
02:15:16.700 --> 02:15:19.240
because if we can hold that boundary,

2016
02:15:19.520 --> 02:15:21.860
but it still puts us in this position

2017
02:15:21.860 --> 02:15:24.860
where we just feel disconnected with someone

2018
02:15:24.860 --> 02:15:27.600
because they want to, and we don't, and we're not on board.

2019
02:15:28.220 --> 02:15:31.180
The intimacy that you build, not just physical,

2020
02:15:31.180 --> 02:15:33.020
I mean, because I'm talking about relationships

2021
02:15:33.020 --> 02:15:35.060
are more than just physical intimacy, ladies.

2022
02:15:36.400 --> 02:15:39.840
There is so much emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy

2023
02:15:39.840 --> 02:15:43.760
that takes place before the physical, and that's important.

2024
02:15:44.700 --> 02:15:45.380
Yeah, thank you.

2025
02:15:46.180 --> 02:15:49.040
And so, like that needs to take place,

2026
02:15:49.140 --> 02:15:50.920
that comfort needs to be there,

2027
02:15:51.160 --> 02:15:55.380
that emotional intimacy, that trust, that bonding,

2028
02:15:55.380 --> 02:15:58.060
all of that kind of stuff really does need to be there.

2029
02:15:59.120 --> 02:16:00.020
Trust is huge.

2030
02:16:01.960 --> 02:16:04.740
Like being transparent and being really who you are

2031
02:16:05.160 --> 02:16:08.320
and your vulnerability is going to be important

2032
02:16:08.540 --> 02:16:10.640
with someone that you're marrying.

2033
02:16:11.540 --> 02:16:12.640
Yeah, thank you.

2034
02:16:13.940 --> 02:16:16.340
Ladies, thank you, as always,

2035
02:16:16.340 --> 02:16:18.480
for just letting me sit on my soapbox,

2036
02:16:18.700 --> 02:16:21.380
let me preach to you, hanging it out with me.

2037
02:16:22.160 --> 02:16:23.500
Mika, I'm sorry, I can't get to you.

2038
02:16:23.500 --> 02:16:27.000
I hope that you can post in the app.

2039
02:16:28.500 --> 02:16:33.020
And ladies, I hope you got a lot out of this today,

2040
02:16:34.480 --> 02:16:36.740
and I will see you next week in an app.

2041
02:16:37.360 --> 02:16:37.940
All right?

2042
02:16:39.680 --> 02:16:41.020
I'll see you ladies later.

2043
02:16:41.440 --> 02:16:41.740
Love you.