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Hey, good evening, everyone, welcome to our advanced heartwork for November and super

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excited to dive into some of this content tonight, I am going to try to activate you

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all multiple times throughout tonight's session.

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So just want to let you know, don't check out because I'm going to ask you to come in

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the chat and share some things.

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And then at the end, I'm not going to coach as long as I have been the last couple times

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because I feel like what happens is a couple people raise their hand, and then once we

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get into that group coaching, a lot more people are wanting to be in that heartwork seat.

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And so I want to open that up to you all, I'll let you know when that time is.

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But if you have any questions about tonight's content, you can get into the heartwork seat

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for that.

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You can get into the heartwork seat for other things.

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So it doesn't have to just be about tonight's content.

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So just want to make sure you know that on the front end, I'm super blessed, just for

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the work that God has been doing today.

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For those of you that don't know, just you know, there's constant sessions going on in

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our community, even when you may not realize it.

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And so, you know, Monday, we had two heartwork sessions in our women's group, we had one

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in our men's group, we have the love story accelerator that happens for the women on

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Tuesdays.

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And so some of the people are meeting right now while we're going to be meeting here in

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phase three with the men's.

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And so man, praise the Lord for all the work that is going on and all the things that are

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happening behind the scenes.

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I just want to take a moment and say thank you to to our team, all the people that help

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respond to you all day in and day out.

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We have an incredible team and we're super grateful for those of you that were at the

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anniversary party, we were able to take a few moments and talk about that.

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But in for those of you that weren't, I just felt led, even though we're in November to

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pause and just say thank you to my team.

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Some of you I see that you're here tonight.

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And I just couldn't do any of this without you.

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And I know Jackie couldn't either.

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And she's so grateful as well.

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So thank you.

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God bless you.

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And this season of Thanksgiving, it's always good to pause and just remember all the things

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that we have to be grateful for.

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And I'm going to talk about that a little bit tonight regarding heartwork as well.

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And so let me pray and go ahead and get us started for this evening.

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Father, thank you so much.

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God, for the reminder of how amazing you are.

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You're a good father who has good gifts for your children.

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God, you are healing and you want your children healed and set free more than even we want

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to be set free.

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Lord, I pray that you would bring things that are hidden to the surface, into the light

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tonight.

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God, where we've been stuck, God, I pray that you would bring revelation, that you would

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connect dots, that things would shift supernaturally, whether we feel it or not, God, that we would

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know that it is true.

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I pray that you would just quicken things within our spirit and you would help us to

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hear what your spirit is saying.

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God, I thank you that you would guide and lead and direct me even as I'm coaching, not

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just during the teaching session and the coaching aspect, but when they're asking questions

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and they get into the heartwork seat.

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God, I thank you for revelation and insight that comes from heaven above.

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God, I can't do this without you.

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And so I'm so grateful that your presence is here.

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I pray that Holy Spirit, you would just move in and out of the whole session tonight.

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Let us experience your presence in a fresh and tangible way.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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So tonight, I titled it, I did this back in March a little bit.

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I'm doing different content tonight, but I felt led to go back to break through your

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barriers.

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And some of this, y'all, all day I was praying, Lord, what do you want me to do?

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What do you want me to do?

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And I was not getting an answer.

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For those of you that think I just always hear, sometimes it's silent.

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So just to let you know that does happen.

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But something happened in our youth group tonight that I can't go into.

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But as I was listening to this young man and the story unfolding, I kept thinking about

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all the breakthrough God has brought me and the barriers that I faced along the way.

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And I remembered that I had done a little bit of this coaching back in March.

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And I just, you know, put together some new concepts just based off of what's been stirring

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in my spirit this evening.

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And so my first and only scripture that at least is on my paper, y'all know, sometimes

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I get going and scriptures come out.

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But the one that I have to kick us off tonight is this song of songs.

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Chapter two, verse 10.

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And when I read this, I don't want the guys to check out because this verse is actually

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written as if like, my dearest, so it's like, you know, towards the woman, if you will.

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But I want you to think about this from the aspect of God calling all of us his dearest one.

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Okay, that's how I want you all to hear it.

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This is what it says.

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Arise, my dearest, hurry, my darling, come away with me.

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I have come as you have asked to draw you to my heart and lead you out.

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For now.

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was the time, my beautiful one.

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So what I want you all to hear,

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I think this ties so powerfully

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into what Jackie was talking about,

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about grieving the things that have not happened

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in the time that we wanted them to,

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releasing that stuff so that we can receive the new.

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And here is the scripture that God puts in front of me

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where he's saying, I have come as you have asked

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to draw you to my heart and lead you out.

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He wants to lead you out of the broken places and spaces,

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some of the areas where you've been stuck.

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And sometimes it can get really frustrating

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because we're trying and we're trying

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and we don't know how to break free from that thing.

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Or sometimes we don't even know why we're stuck.

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We literally can't see it.

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And so the Lord, I believe, wants to bring,

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as I was praying, I think he wants to bring

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a lot of illumination tonight through the Holy Spirit.

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God says that we can receive fresh manna every single day.

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And so I'm believing for that for you all tonight.

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I'm believing for it for myself.

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I feel like I learn every time I coach.

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And so I really want to set the expectation in this place.

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True healing doesn't just fix our circumstances.

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It transforms our heart.

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Remember, this isn't about behavioral change.

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It's about long-term, lifelong change from the inside out.

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And then when we are changed and we're healed

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and we receive more of the love of the Father,

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we're more rooted and grounded in that,

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out of the overflow of that is why we're shifting

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and changing the way that we act, right?

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Hopefully that's the way it's happening for you all.

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Trauma doesn't just hurt us.

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Remember, it creates different versions of us.

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Victim and survivor identities

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are what come from this as well,

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that cannot fully possess the abundant life

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that Jesus died to give us.

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If you're not sure what a victim mentality sounds like,

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I've gone through it before,

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but I felt led to just touch on it very quickly tonight.

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A victim is someone who's gonna feel really helpless.

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They're gonna blame other people for their circumstances,

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whether they mean to or not.

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So one of the ways this can show up,

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I had this happen this week,

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I asked someone like directly,

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do you have unforgiveness towards your mom

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for her not giving you the money?

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I'm not gonna tell you the whole story,

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but that was the direct question I asked the person.

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And she went into,

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I have unforgiveness towards my mom towards all the,

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and she started listing all these other things,

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but didn't actually answer my question.

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And so the Lord led me, you all know,

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I don't like to be direct with people,

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but sometimes God does.

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He's like, you need to ask her that again.

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And so I asked her, I said,

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hey, thank you for telling us that,

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but that wasn't actually what I asked.

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I asked, do you have unforgiveness towards your mom

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because she didn't give you this money?

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And then she said, you know, I think I do.

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You know, and we had to, we coached through that.

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So the reason I'm showing you that as an example

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is because then what else happened,

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every time I would ask her a direct question,

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she would also go to the things her sister does

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that hurt her, that are wrong.

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And she would go to the dad or she would go to the mom,

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but there was a lot of times where she was,

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you know, deflecting where God was trying to get

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at the core of her.

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Does that make sense, everyone?

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Okay.

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All right.

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So victims feel helpless, blame others,

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and focus on the past.

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Survivors, you know, it's kind of the step beyond that.

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It is still really great.

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They reclaim their power.

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They take responsibilities for their choices.

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They choose to heal.

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And then they have this stuff, you know,

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they start doing self-care.

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They start saying no.

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They start working on healthy boundaries.

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And those are, that's great.

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But I also want to add in thriving,

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because this is where the abundant life kicks in you all.

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And it doesn't mean, you know,

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some of us are going to feel like we're surviving

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in some areas still,

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because we're still in that process of healing

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where other areas are starting to thrive.

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And the more those areas thrive, man, it feeds the,

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you know, it starts to call us in those, you know,

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survivor places or the victim places that we're still in,

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it starts to call us out of there.

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Here's what thriving sounds like.

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People that focus on the future.

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They have power regarding their future.

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So these are the people that are dreaming and acting on it.

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They surround themselves with other people who are thriving.

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They grow, they develop, they prosper, they flourish.

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So I want you just to really be honest with yourselves.

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Do you feel like you're living in the land of thriving?

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Or do you tend to partner in your thoughts

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with victim mentalities?

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Feeling helpless, feeling like, you know,

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man, it's this person's fault,

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or, you know, focusing on the things of the past,

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or all the things that are going wrong.

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Y'all, that's also victim, okay?

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All right, I'm going to keep going.

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So the reason I went to that was,

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remember trauma doesn't just hurt us,

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it creates different versions of us,

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including the victim mentalities

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and heart postures that we live in.

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then. Okay. All right. So now what we're going to go into is

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segment one, I'm going to I have, how many segments do I

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have? And they're quick tonight. You know, I'm going to be moving

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really fast. So note takers, your hands might get tired. But

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it's gonna be really good. So I have three what I'm going to

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call segments. And I have a little activation inside of each

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one for you. It was Song of Songs, chapter two, verses 10.

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And it was in the Passion Translation. Segment one, I'm

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calling identifying your barriers. So we like at the core,

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we need to remember the hard work process, you got to unpack

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where did this thing begin? What is the actual barrier? A lot of

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times we think our barrier is that thing that's kind of right

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in our face right now. But a lot of times it's back behind behind

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that or underneath the surface. So we want to break through

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stubborn areas of stagnation. The locust of life, you know,

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that scripture that talks about that God will restore all that

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the locust has eaten and the moth has destroyed. Y'all, this

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is what you know, stagnation is what that's kind of that versus

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saying, hey, God wants to take you out of that he wants to

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restore, you know, where the locust has eaten. So this is

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unexpected devastation that leaves us changed forever. So

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have you ever gone through unexpected trauma, unexpected

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devastation that now, in some way, shape or form has caused

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you to be stagnant in some area, I want to read the definition

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of stagnation, because I know what it meant. But I even was

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like, I don't know if I fully know what that means. And so

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this is what it says, a state or condition marked by lack of

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flow, movement, or development. So when we are in a place a

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condition in our hearts, or our lives where there is a lack of

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flow, there's a lack of movement, and even a lack of

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development, because sometimes we just start to shut down,

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don't we? That's a signal that there's some stagnation going on

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there. And the Lord wants to heal that, and cause it to flow

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again. You know, it's like a dam, you know, that gets stopped

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up, sometimes even in a river that's flowing, if there's a

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bunch of sticks, and, you know, rocks and all of that, that kind

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of stop the flow of the water, eventually, that water either,

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you know, just doesn't have enough movement and power to

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push past those rocks and those sticks, or, you know, and then

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it kind of gets dried out, or it does, there's some, you know, a

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force greater than that force that's holding that rock or that

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stick there creates a new momentum. And so tonight, I

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believe God wants to create a new momentum in your life where

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you all where you felt stagnant in the past, or maybe even

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recently that you start to feel some movement in some areas

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tonight. So stagnation often signals those areas where we've

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settled into counterfeit identities. And even some of

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you, you know, in heartwork, what can happen, we start coming

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out of these counterfeit identities, and then you start

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dating. And some of you go right back to the counterfeit

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identities, you don't mean to but subconsciously, because the

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strength has the new habit hasn't been really formed and

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fortified yet. And so you divert back to old patterns of

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old ways of reacting versus responding. And I believe the

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Holy Spirit, if y'all are like me, he talks to us, and he's

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like, hey, choose something different. Don't keep don't keep

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going to that thought, because I want to, I want to give you

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something new. But we have to literally work that new thought

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we have to work that new habit, so that it grows stronger in our

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brain, literally, so that our brain signals something

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different. The areas where we feel most stuck are often

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signaling to the exact healing our heart needs the most. So we

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have to come back to ourselves, we have to come back to these

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true identities. Remember, the true identity is who God

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originally created you to be before trauma before wounds, and

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pain ever entered your life. And some of you, you know, all this

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trauma and this pain entered so young that you just

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unfortunately, didn't in the past know what healthy ever

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looked like. But God can teach you. And I know that for a fact,

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because I like Jackie had to fight for my life from the

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beginning. And God is a great restoration artist. He's really

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good at it. He's really good at giving new memories and bringing

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peace where there's never been any peace because he is peace.

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So here's my question for you in the chat. I want you to you

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have to give them all but tonight I would love for those

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that are willing to identify one specific area where you feel

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stuck or resistant to forward movement. And then put that in

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the chat. Is there any area that you feel stuck in your life

291
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right now? Or there's that resistance to forward movement?

292
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What is that and you

293
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You would put that in the chat.

294
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Hey, I hear weight loss, stuck in finances.

295
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Anyone else?

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Being in community.

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I do better alone.

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God made you for community, Marina.

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All right, my job, rest, ruminating thoughts, exercise,

301
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dating, health, another dating, getting planted in a church,

302
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community, procrastination, health, not believing God will

303
00:15:25.540 --> 00:15:28.460
allow me to find my Godmate, having difficulty getting over

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ex that broke up with me two weeks ago.

305
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So who said that, Regina?

306
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I'm so sorry to hear that.

307
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Hearing from the Lord, relationship with the Lord,

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place to live, health, fatigue lately, feeling stuck in the

309
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area of habitual distraction with my phone, resistance to

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being an adult and independent financially from parents or

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on parents.

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I think you're saying on parents.

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They're getting a job, similar to those mentioned, weight

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loss, job, finding friendships.

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These are good.

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Keep them coming.

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Clutter, too many papers that need organized.

318
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I'm going to kind of scroll and if they have, they've already

319
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been said, I might just go ahead past him.

320
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But you still matter.

321
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So keep putting them in there because this is more for you

322
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than it is for me.

323
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Stuck going through belongings, mine and late parents.

324
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It's overwhelming.

325
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Okay, partnering with overwhelm, which is common, dealing

326
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with family fear.

327
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Letting go of old friends that don't encourage growth.

328
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.720
Yeah, I've heard that actually a couple times this week.

329
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So I feel like God just highlighted that to me.

330
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So I don't know how many others are having issues with friends

331
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as you're getting healthy.

332
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They're not sure they're happy about that because they liked

333
00:16:39.020 --> 00:16:42.880
it when you were weaker and dependent on them.

334
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Anybody else dealing with that?

335
00:16:45.560 --> 00:16:47.000
Love to see that.

336
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Imaginations, relationships, friendships, weight, doing

337
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thing alone.

338
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Okay.

339
00:16:51.560 --> 00:16:54.340
I think I feel like I'm seeing some similar things in there.

340
00:16:54.980 --> 00:16:56.400
Okay, so I'm going to keep going.

341
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I want you to remember that thing that you put in the chat,

342
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even if you put more than one, hold on to that because we're

343
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going to do some stuff here in a little bit to keep working

344
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through that.

345
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But in that, in that area where you have felt stuck or you've

346
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felt this stagnation, what version of yourself have you

347
00:17:13.800 --> 00:17:15.200
been living from in that area?

348
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Have you been living in the victim mindset?

349
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Have you been living in survivor or have you been moving

350
00:17:21.220 --> 00:17:22.060
towards thriving?

351
00:17:23.440 --> 00:17:26.060
And really be honest with yourself because remember the

352
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thriving is when we're moving towards the true identity.

353
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And where does God want you to shift more tonight?

354
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Does he want you to shift and really see where maybe there's

355
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and I'm not saying it's true for everyone, but some of us,

356
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you know, the reason we get stuck in victim is we haven't

357
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taken ownership of even just one aspect of why we are where

358
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we are.

359
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Okay.

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So for example, years ago when I reached out to get counseling

361
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when I was dating my spiritual daughter's dad long time ago,

362
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that counselor asked me, why do you feel like, you know, led

363
00:18:02.020 --> 00:18:02.800
to work with me?

364
00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:05.600
She wanted to know why and I said, well, because I keep

365
00:18:05.600 --> 00:18:09.520
attracting the same kind of guy and the common denominator is

366
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me.

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And I needed to figure out why that was happening and I needed

368
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to own whatever it was.

369
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And there was a lot of times I wasn't setting boundaries.

370
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I was blowing past red flags.

371
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I wasn't staying in community to date.

372
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And so God really taught me a lot through that and in all of

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the aspects of having to own my side of the street there.

374
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God was warning me that whole time in that relationship and I

375
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:40.840
just kept, I just kept believing that well, you can, you can

376
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change him.

377
00:18:41.460 --> 00:18:42.640
You can turn this around.

378
00:18:42.800 --> 00:18:46.500
Well, yeah, God can change all kinds of people's hearts, but

379
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the people have to be willing.

380
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Right, right.

381
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It takes two people for reconciliation.

382
00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:56.420
It takes, you know, God is not going to force someone to be

383
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different.

384
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They have to want to be different and change.

385
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And so where are you maybe right now settling for too little

386
00:19:04.260 --> 00:19:05.160
for too long?

387
00:19:06.460 --> 00:19:09.000
Y'all, I was in that relationship for six years.

388
00:19:09.120 --> 00:19:10.080
It's still a lot.

389
00:19:10.120 --> 00:19:13.160
I even said again this past Monday when I was coaching,

390
00:19:13.280 --> 00:19:16.300
it's crazy to me now when I look back.

391
00:19:16.860 --> 00:19:20.900
Are any of you settling for too little for too long?

392
00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:22.700
Whatever that means.

393
00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:23.840
It's not just about romance.

394
00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:27.120
Some of you all, you know, God's encouraging you to get

395
00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:29.780
rid of your old wardrobe, but you just are afraid to spend

396
00:19:29.800 --> 00:19:31.900
the money and get a new wardrobe.

397
00:19:32.020 --> 00:19:35.620
But that must be for someone because that is not in my notes

398
00:19:35.620 --> 00:19:36.400
at all.

399
00:19:36.900 --> 00:19:40.800
You know, we got, we have to be willing to let go of what is

400
00:19:40.800 --> 00:19:44.060
the old so that we can receive the new.

401
00:19:46.300 --> 00:19:47.200
We're going to keep going.

402
00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:48.920
Segment number two.

403
00:19:49.380 --> 00:19:52.300
I titled this one quieting the battlefield of your mind.

404
00:19:55.980 --> 00:19:57.680
Quieting the battlefield of your mind.

405
00:19:58.320 --> 00:19:59.520
Achieving lasting peace.

406
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.480
and mental warfare is a key hard work concept.

407
00:20:05.060 --> 00:20:08.880
You, every one of us, not just you, myself included,

408
00:20:09.620 --> 00:20:12.900
we have to daily take our thoughts captive.

409
00:20:13.280 --> 00:20:14.880
We cannot be lazy at this.

410
00:20:15.260 --> 00:20:15.980
We just can't.

411
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:18.920
The enemy will always come in like a flood,

412
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:20.960
but then we know the word of God says

413
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that God will raise up a standard against him,

414
00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:25.660
but we have to be a part of that standard

415
00:20:25.660 --> 00:20:27.160
being raised against the enemy.

416
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:30.560
Resisting the thoughts that are not of God,

417
00:20:31.220 --> 00:20:32.060
casting those things down

418
00:20:32.060 --> 00:20:34.180
and making them obedient to Jesus Christ.

419
00:20:34.820 --> 00:20:37.740
Even some of you, you know, just reminding yourself,

420
00:20:37.980 --> 00:20:40.500
like, hey, you know, the heart work principles,

421
00:20:40.820 --> 00:20:41.900
like, you know, God,

422
00:20:42.040 --> 00:20:43.740
I know that you can reveal an area for healing.

423
00:20:43.860 --> 00:20:47.040
If I'm offended, I have an opportunity for an upgrade here.

424
00:20:47.220 --> 00:20:48.600
What are you trying to show me?

425
00:20:48.600 --> 00:20:50.420
If my heart is breaking in this situation,

426
00:20:50.540 --> 00:20:51.800
God, what are you trying to show me?

427
00:20:52.800 --> 00:20:54.940
If I'm having trouble letting go of someone

428
00:20:54.940 --> 00:20:56.900
that I'm seeing all kinds of red flags,

429
00:20:56.900 --> 00:20:58.260
but I just have this fear

430
00:20:58.260 --> 00:20:59.860
that I'm not gonna find anybody else,

431
00:21:00.060 --> 00:21:01.640
well, we need to look at that.

432
00:21:01.660 --> 00:21:03.680
What are the lies we're actually hearing?

433
00:21:05.140 --> 00:21:07.740
We are literally in a war over identity

434
00:21:08.420 --> 00:21:11.340
and a fight over our destiny every single day,

435
00:21:11.820 --> 00:21:13.680
but we don't need to be afraid of that

436
00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:15.840
because you guys already know who won, right?

437
00:21:16.560 --> 00:21:18.820
We win because Jesus won.

438
00:21:19.500 --> 00:21:22.160
Like, we just have to continue to, like,

439
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:23.500
put those things before the Lord.

440
00:21:23.780 --> 00:21:26.500
You know, if you don't know why you're thinking a thought

441
00:21:26.500 --> 00:21:29.040
that you're thinking, I tell people all the time,

442
00:21:29.380 --> 00:21:31.140
pause and say, God, is this my thought?

443
00:21:31.420 --> 00:21:32.840
Is this the enemy's thought?

444
00:21:32.840 --> 00:21:35.520
Like a thought from the enemy, or is this from you?

445
00:21:35.640 --> 00:21:38.160
And God will show you where that thought came from.

446
00:21:38.980 --> 00:21:41.180
And then if you want to go on from there,

447
00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:43.340
God, where did this thought originate?

448
00:21:43.540 --> 00:21:44.500
Because guess what?

449
00:21:44.600 --> 00:21:45.660
Even if it's your thought,

450
00:21:45.980 --> 00:21:48.460
it doesn't mean it actually initially came from you.

451
00:21:48.520 --> 00:21:51.520
Sometimes it does, but some of you all are having thoughts

452
00:21:51.520 --> 00:21:53.460
that you've heard your whole life

453
00:21:54.580 --> 00:21:57.100
because your mom said it, or your dad said it,

454
00:21:57.120 --> 00:22:01.280
or a friend said it, whoever, and it gets in you.

455
00:22:01.300 --> 00:22:04.260
Have you ever all ever, like, just out of nowhere,

456
00:22:04.260 --> 00:22:05.720
just started singing a worship song?

457
00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:07.300
It just comes right up out of your spirit

458
00:22:07.300 --> 00:22:09.360
and you just start singing a song, right?

459
00:22:09.360 --> 00:22:11.000
Yeah, we do that a lot, right?

460
00:22:11.020 --> 00:22:12.820
Well, the same thing can happen

461
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:15.460
when we've heard a lot of garbage for a long time.

462
00:22:16.220 --> 00:22:19.240
That stuff is in there until it gets worked out of us.

463
00:22:20.320 --> 00:22:22.740
And so sometimes the things that you're regurgitating

464
00:22:23.580 --> 00:22:26.960
are things that you learned and heard from other people.

465
00:22:28.300 --> 00:22:30.260
And maybe asking yourself, okay,

466
00:22:31.460 --> 00:22:34.400
I don't want to carry that thought pattern

467
00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:36.120
or that heart posture anymore.

468
00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:40.020
So Lord, how do I start to separate from that

469
00:22:40.020 --> 00:22:42.240
and start going in the other direction?

470
00:22:42.700 --> 00:22:46.460
And really allow the Lord to show you the pathway

471
00:22:46.460 --> 00:22:48.880
to changing your patterns in your life.

472
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:52.880
I use the example all the time that back in the day,

473
00:22:53.300 --> 00:22:56.100
when I was younger, because of the abuse I went through,

474
00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.340
I really understand it now, but I didn't when I was a kid.

475
00:22:59.540 --> 00:23:01.420
I had massive fear of the dark, y'all,

476
00:23:01.560 --> 00:23:04.660
like so bad that I could hardly be in darkness.

477
00:23:04.800 --> 00:23:06.080
I was terrified of it.

478
00:23:06.980 --> 00:23:08.960
And I would run up the stairs

479
00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:10.860
because I was afraid something was gonna get me.

480
00:23:10.980 --> 00:23:13.500
Nothing was in my house, but see, the abuse,

481
00:23:13.760 --> 00:23:15.520
there were always monsters in my house.

482
00:23:15.520 --> 00:23:16.640
Y'all see how that works?

483
00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:18.860
And then I would run from one side

484
00:23:18.860 --> 00:23:19.720
of the kitchen to the other.

485
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:23.180
I literally was afraid all of the time.

486
00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:24.860
I was afraid people were looking in the windows,

487
00:23:25.380 --> 00:23:27.360
and I carried that into adulthood.

488
00:23:28.420 --> 00:23:30.300
And there were times after I got saved

489
00:23:30.300 --> 00:23:32.620
where the enemy was trying to bring

490
00:23:32.620 --> 00:23:34.540
that spirit of fear back in,

491
00:23:35.400 --> 00:23:39.060
and I had to choose to shut the door to that.

492
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:41.320
And how God taught me to do it is,

493
00:23:41.560 --> 00:23:44.020
very popular scripture, I don't have a spirit of fear,

494
00:23:44.020 --> 00:23:45.600
but I have a spirit of love and of power

495
00:23:45.600 --> 00:23:46.280
and of a sound mind.

496
00:23:46.560 --> 00:23:48.700
But I didn't, I declared that over myself,

497
00:23:48.800 --> 00:23:54.200
but I literally had to resist the desire to run from that.

498
00:23:55.120 --> 00:23:57.820
And the more I resisted and reminded myself

499
00:23:57.820 --> 00:24:00.020
that God was with me and that he is peace

500
00:24:00.020 --> 00:24:01.460
and that I don't have to be afraid

501
00:24:01.660 --> 00:24:03.500
because fear has to do with torment,

502
00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:08.060
the more I did that over and over and over again,

503
00:24:08.420 --> 00:24:10.880
y'all, that thing figured out, that spirit of fear,

504
00:24:10.980 --> 00:24:12.600
the enemy, he figured out,

505
00:24:12.600 --> 00:24:14.620
he couldn't get me with that anymore.

506
00:24:16.040 --> 00:24:16.640
And he left.

507
00:24:17.600 --> 00:24:19.580
And I'm not saying he's never tried to come back in

508
00:24:19.580 --> 00:24:20.780
because that's how the devil works.

509
00:24:21.140 --> 00:24:23.520
He will always try to come back and see

510
00:24:23.520 --> 00:24:27.060
in a moment of weakness, if we will take that bait again.

511
00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:32.120
So some of you, my question for you right now is,

512
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:33.860
have you taken the bait again?

513
00:24:35.660 --> 00:24:37.900
Have you taken some kind of bait again

514
00:24:37.900 --> 00:24:40.260
where the enemy is lying to you about something

515
00:24:40.260 --> 00:24:41.860
and you're believing him

516
00:24:41.860 --> 00:24:44.140
and it's taking you down roads of thinking

517
00:24:44.580 --> 00:24:47.200
and whether it's fear or something else,

518
00:24:47.600 --> 00:24:50.240
panic, for some of you, it might be anger.

519
00:24:50.460 --> 00:24:51.980
I don't know what your thing is,

520
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:54.180
but apply that to your life

521
00:24:54.180 --> 00:24:57.600
and really allow yourself to recognize, okay, wait.

522
00:24:59.460 --> 00:24:59.980
Yeah.

523
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.400
I'm not an anxious person.

524
00:25:01.640 --> 00:25:02.920
God, you didn't make me anxious.

525
00:25:03.060 --> 00:25:06.680
I feel anxious, but I can overcome that.

526
00:25:07.780 --> 00:25:10.320
And I'm not saying it's always easy, okay?

527
00:25:10.320 --> 00:25:13.380
Because I know some people have a lot of PTSD,

528
00:25:13.780 --> 00:25:18.300
and so your body actually has anxiousness stored up in it,

529
00:25:18.860 --> 00:25:21.720
and you have to learn how to, over time,

530
00:25:22.140 --> 00:25:24.040
get that stuff released from your body.

531
00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:26.380
And I'm not a doctor, I just know it's legit

532
00:25:26.380 --> 00:25:27.500
because I've been through it.

533
00:25:29.120 --> 00:25:31.160
So sometimes it takes a while,

534
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.920
and you really have to learn how to live in peace

535
00:25:34.920 --> 00:25:37.540
when you've lived in chaos a large part of your life.

536
00:25:38.440 --> 00:25:40.180
So every battle's being waged, again,

537
00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:42.560
I wanna read this to you just so you get it,

538
00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:45.980
against your destiny, against your future,

539
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:47.840
and your purpose on this earth.

540
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:50.620
Your purpose on this earth is like,

541
00:25:50.620 --> 00:25:52.320
what is God's calling for you?

542
00:25:52.860 --> 00:25:55.400
Not just to find a spirit mate, that's a part of it,

543
00:25:56.040 --> 00:25:58.980
because God has destiny DNA for you and your spirit mate

544
00:25:58.980 --> 00:26:00.760
to run an awesome race together,

545
00:26:00.900 --> 00:26:02.220
whatever that looks like for you.

546
00:26:03.420 --> 00:26:05.720
But what is your purpose that you,

547
00:26:06.060 --> 00:26:09.400
God wants you to kind of get in that kind of zone

548
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:13.420
and fun place with him so that when you meet someone

549
00:26:13.420 --> 00:26:17.120
that's really great, you guys can run together

550
00:26:17.120 --> 00:26:21.380
versus somebody stopping to try to make something work

551
00:26:21.380 --> 00:26:24.120
with somebody that's not running the same as you.

552
00:26:26.040 --> 00:26:27.080
Here's the next one,

553
00:26:27.120 --> 00:26:29.560
the mind battlefield often contains the flies,

554
00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:31.340
lies and counterfeit lives.

555
00:26:31.420 --> 00:26:33.380
You guys remember that from the heart workbook, hopefully.

556
00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:36.720
So we have all this stuff

557
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:38.380
that's kind of getting sorted out in there.

558
00:26:38.380 --> 00:26:41.060
And remember, our minds are connected to our heart.

559
00:26:41.600 --> 00:26:42.900
They're like together.

560
00:26:43.120 --> 00:26:45.560
So when the Bible talks about being transformed

561
00:26:45.560 --> 00:26:47.600
by the renewing of your mind,

562
00:26:47.600 --> 00:26:49.000
so that all, you know,

563
00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:51.300
knowing that all things have passed away,

564
00:26:51.620 --> 00:26:53.060
behold, everything has come new.

565
00:26:53.580 --> 00:26:56.120
Well, that's happening when we heal in our hearts, you all,

566
00:26:56.580 --> 00:26:58.200
because our heart is the source.

567
00:26:58.940 --> 00:27:02.200
So if you have a lot of not good thoughts in your head,

568
00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:03.960
you gotta get to the source.

569
00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:05.600
Where is that at in your heart?

570
00:27:06.260 --> 00:27:07.100
Where is that rooted?

571
00:27:09.720 --> 00:27:12.740
Peace comes through daily surrender to the Lord.

572
00:27:14.060 --> 00:27:15.380
Remember, he is peace.

573
00:27:16.300 --> 00:27:19.460
So if you need peace, like surrender to him

574
00:27:19.460 --> 00:27:21.140
and let him bring it to you.

575
00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:24.180
And surrendering to the Lord is,

576
00:27:24.180 --> 00:27:27.260
I love that, you know, line that Jackie says all the time,

577
00:27:27.580 --> 00:27:30.700
teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.

578
00:27:30.760 --> 00:27:32.720
It's that daily surrender to,

579
00:27:33.020 --> 00:27:34.600
God, I can't do this without you.

580
00:27:36.080 --> 00:27:37.600
I can't even, I remember,

581
00:27:38.060 --> 00:27:39.840
God, I can't even have fun on dates without you.

582
00:27:39.880 --> 00:27:42.840
I need help because I have so many bad experiences

583
00:27:42.840 --> 00:27:45.180
that I get so nervous when I go on a date.

584
00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:46.680
And I would just ask God for help

585
00:27:46.680 --> 00:27:48.060
for whatever I needed it for.

586
00:27:48.900 --> 00:27:50.720
For some of you, you need to learn

587
00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:51.800
how to have some fun again,

588
00:27:52.340 --> 00:27:54.680
because some of y'all aren't super fun.

589
00:27:55.420 --> 00:27:56.320
I had to learn how to be,

590
00:27:56.540 --> 00:27:58.480
like I was always a fun person, y'all,

591
00:27:58.600 --> 00:28:02.220
but everything I went through just crushed that stuff in me.

592
00:28:02.560 --> 00:28:05.800
And it caused me to be serious all the time

593
00:28:05.800 --> 00:28:07.280
and stressed out and anxious.

594
00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:11.020
And so I had to learn how to let the Bethany out,

595
00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:13.940
let the fun side out and, you know, be silly.

596
00:28:13.980 --> 00:28:15.120
You know, I've told y'all stories.

597
00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:17.460
I mean, I army crawled to scare my husband.

598
00:28:17.540 --> 00:28:18.740
Y'all, I like to have fun.

599
00:28:19.900 --> 00:28:21.980
I like to do adventurous things,

600
00:28:22.040 --> 00:28:24.280
but I had to work at letting that back out.

601
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:26.240
Some of you all, that's where you are.

602
00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:28.440
So I want you to pause right now

603
00:28:29.020 --> 00:28:31.640
and on your paper or in your phone or whatever,

604
00:28:32.520 --> 00:28:35.260
identify the top three lies that you're believing

605
00:28:35.460 --> 00:28:38.220
about yourself in that area that you've been stuck.

606
00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:41.100
Remember that area that you said you were stuck in?

607
00:28:41.100 --> 00:28:42.560
We're gonna focus on that tonight.

608
00:28:43.520 --> 00:28:45.500
What are the top three lies

609
00:28:45.500 --> 00:28:48.620
that you're believing about yourself in that area?

610
00:28:49.820 --> 00:28:51.800
And if you don't know all three, it's okay.

611
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:53.580
Write whatever comes to your mind right now

612
00:28:53.580 --> 00:28:56.820
and then ask the Lord for two others

613
00:28:56.820 --> 00:28:58.660
and he'll show you what they are.

614
00:29:02.560 --> 00:29:04.060
All right, I'm gonna keep going

615
00:29:04.060 --> 00:29:05.520
as you guys are working on that.

616
00:29:06.020 --> 00:29:07.640
And so then what we need to do,

617
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:09.560
remember the revealing for healing cycle.

618
00:29:09.580 --> 00:29:12.240
If you all haven't, you know, looked at that in a while,

619
00:29:12.300 --> 00:29:13.660
since, you know, some of you have been

620
00:29:13.660 --> 00:29:15.980
in the heartwork a long time ago, you know?

621
00:29:16.600 --> 00:29:21.740
So go back and revisit for the ladies and the men.

622
00:29:22.100 --> 00:29:23.900
I think the men is the same.

623
00:29:24.100 --> 00:29:25.180
I'll have to look at it.

624
00:29:25.560 --> 00:29:28.240
But you all, in your course, in the courses tab,

625
00:29:28.420 --> 00:29:29.480
yeah, it is the same for the men,

626
00:29:29.620 --> 00:29:31.440
you have the heartwork course in there.

627
00:29:32.200 --> 00:29:33.720
And then you go in the heartwork course

628
00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:36.300
and revealing for healing should be in week three,

629
00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:39.240
I think, but you can look through there and find it.

630
00:29:39.360 --> 00:29:40.140
Revisit that.

631
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:41.980
And the reason I want you to revisit it

632
00:29:41.980 --> 00:29:43.940
is because the revealing for healing cycle,

633
00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:45.320
if you look back at it,

634
00:29:45.800 --> 00:29:48.020
it doesn't stop at just identifying the lies.

635
00:29:48.200 --> 00:29:51.320
It takes you all the way through to what is the truth

636
00:29:51.320 --> 00:29:53.020
to replace the lie.

637
00:29:53.860 --> 00:29:56.920
And so remembering that you're identifying

638
00:29:56.920 --> 00:29:57.980
these lies tonight,

639
00:29:58.000 --> 00:29:59.980
and even if you have identified.

640
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.600
These before and you did the revealing for healing cycle before I want you to do it again

641
00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:07.600
This is your homework. I

642
00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:15.240
Want you to ask the Lord to help you process through that revealing for healing cycle identify your trauma stories that are connected to those

643
00:30:15.360 --> 00:30:15.840
lies

644
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:18.860
Identify the other I can't think of it right now

645
00:30:18.860 --> 00:30:23.660
I should have brought it up to show you all but I want you to process all the way through to the truth

646
00:30:23.660 --> 00:30:26.540
What are what is the truth to replace the lie?

647
00:30:28.520 --> 00:30:33.320
And I tell the people in our heart work all the time if you don't know how to identify the truth

648
00:30:33.320 --> 00:30:38.880
You can come in the groups and tell us and we'll do our best best to help you identify the truth to replace

649
00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:39.780
the lie

650
00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:44.100
And then you want to come into agreement with the truth

651
00:30:44.340 --> 00:30:46.660
And come out of alignment with the lie

652
00:30:46.980 --> 00:30:50.880
And so a lot of times you all I still will do this

653
00:30:50.920 --> 00:30:55.820
I will write down I come out of agreement with whatever the lie is

654
00:30:55.820 --> 00:31:00.980
And I come into agreement with whatever the truth is and i'll put them on post-it notes and put them up

655
00:31:00.980 --> 00:31:03.500
In my house if i'm really struggling with something

656
00:31:03.840 --> 00:31:09.540
That is a huge help to me. And so I don't know if you're a visual person if that's how you remember things but

657
00:31:09.860 --> 00:31:13.980
I when I repeat something over and over it starts to get in my spirit

658
00:31:13.980 --> 00:31:15.140
Just like how I said earlier

659
00:31:15.140 --> 00:31:20.480
You know how we have those songs that bubble up out of our spirit and some of that negative stuff that comes up

660
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:26.240
Same thing when we repeat something to ourselves that's part of us training our brain into the new thing

661
00:31:28.680 --> 00:31:34.800
Okay segment number three applying heart work to specific challenges that you're having

662
00:31:38.100 --> 00:31:45.360
Moving from knowledge to transformation is another key heart work concept the heart work never ends. It becomes a lifestyle for us

663
00:31:45.620 --> 00:31:51.440
Remember we're not asking you to be in the icu in that intensive program when you first enter the heart work

664
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:55.820
But it is a lifestyle, you know using these tools and getting them out

665
00:31:55.820 --> 00:32:02.600
Even if you're not getting the worksheet out every time but like really remembering what the cycle is so that you can help yourself

666
00:32:03.420 --> 00:32:10.600
um come through that quicker, you know identifying the lies so that you're not just partnering with them and then um,

667
00:32:11.220 --> 00:32:15.640
I don't know why this but the poor old me kind of like I guess i'll go eat worms

668
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:20.780
Whatever that whole saying I think this has come up when i've done heart work before. I don't know why this always comes up

669
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:27.020
but I remember like that was like a like as kids that was kind of like a funny thing to

670
00:32:27.020 --> 00:32:30.800
Like say or it was in some kind of poem or book that we had to read

671
00:32:30.800 --> 00:32:33.000
which I don't even know why they made us read that but

672
00:32:33.380 --> 00:32:34.080
I mean

673
00:32:34.700 --> 00:32:38.600
Is that kind of how we posture though? It is sometimes right?

674
00:32:39.060 --> 00:32:45.880
Like no, yeah, nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Guess i'll go eat worms. So maybe some of you all believe like

675
00:32:46.500 --> 00:32:52.380
Nobody's ever gonna love me no matter how much I try I try I try I try I can't find that spirit mate

676
00:32:52.380 --> 00:32:56.580
You know guess i'll just go give up you might not be saying guess i'll go eat worms

677
00:32:56.740 --> 00:33:00.680
But you might be partnering with the lie that you need to give up because it's just not gonna work

678
00:33:01.180 --> 00:33:02.460
And that's not true

679
00:33:03.260 --> 00:33:04.520
You're just not there yet

680
00:33:05.260 --> 00:33:07.420
You just haven't met your spirit mate yet

681
00:33:09.360 --> 00:33:14.580
Heart work is that lifestyle of forgiveness. It's the lifestyle of repentance and confession

682
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:16.320
a lifestyle of

683
00:33:16.660 --> 00:33:20.520
Supernatural surrender remember it's not surrendering on your own

684
00:33:20.900 --> 00:33:25.280
It's super naturally asking god to help you surrender

685
00:33:26.360 --> 00:33:30.020
So god is putting his super with our natural

686
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:34.880
He's helping us to surrender the pen to him

687
00:33:35.580 --> 00:33:36.100
And

688
00:33:36.820 --> 00:33:42.060
So it's like this lifestyle of that pruning, you know and guarding our heart garden

689
00:33:44.040 --> 00:33:48.120
So, what are the areas where god is like he's trying to prune some things off tonight

690
00:33:48.120 --> 00:33:51.300
He's trying to show you like hey, this isn't serving you anymore

691
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:57.680
It's actually harming you this person that you know is trying to hold you back from growing. They're not healthy for you

692
00:33:58.860 --> 00:34:00.700
Healing isn't a feeling either

693
00:34:00.700 --> 00:34:06.060
Everyone I want you to like sometimes yeah, we're gonna feel it, you know, even like, you know

694
00:34:06.060 --> 00:34:08.860
We're sick and we start to get better and we're like, oh my gosh

695
00:34:08.860 --> 00:34:12.340
I I feel I feel a little bit better now because we felt sick for a while

696
00:34:12.460 --> 00:34:17.040
You know, even with the cold or the flu and then you start feeling better. There is a physical release there

697
00:34:17.460 --> 00:34:21.260
But there's certain types of healing that sometimes you're not gonna feel it

698
00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:24.500
But that doesn't mean it's not happening

699
00:34:25.900 --> 00:34:32.880
There's so much that's happening underneath the surface of your spirit and your soul that god is doing way more than you realize

700
00:34:34.600 --> 00:34:39.820
So I want want you to again continue to revisit that revealing for healing cycle

701
00:34:39.900 --> 00:34:44.260
Remember and asking the lord to reveal what you can't see yet

702
00:34:45.120 --> 00:34:52.340
Going back to what I said earlier. Sometimes there's things that are subconsciously. We can't we don't even know why we're

703
00:34:52.340 --> 00:34:56.360
Reacting the way we are to a certain situation or something that someone said

704
00:34:57.240 --> 00:34:59.720
someone questions you about something and

705
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.160
You know, you automatically feel like, oh, why are they doing that?

706
00:35:05.020 --> 00:35:08.460
Well, you know, sometimes they're actually not questioning you.

707
00:35:08.720 --> 00:35:12.760
You know, there might be a different dynamic going on, but you're hearing it that way.

708
00:35:13.900 --> 00:35:17.620
Do y'all ever have that happen where you automatically are on the defensive?

709
00:35:17.820 --> 00:35:19.000
You're like, whoa, why?

710
00:35:19.380 --> 00:35:22.820
And that's how you kind of interpret stuff from a lot of people.

711
00:35:22.820 --> 00:35:25.660
If that's something that you commonly think or feel,

712
00:35:26.220 --> 00:35:31.680
there might be actually something in your filter system that's causing you to react that way.

713
00:35:32.780 --> 00:35:35.780
Doesn't mean that other people don't ever do anything, but there are some people

714
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:41.160
that's kind of your struggle, and you may not even realize that's what's leading you to that place.

715
00:35:42.960 --> 00:35:44.780
Forgive who or what needs releasing.

716
00:35:45.060 --> 00:35:46.800
Who do you need to forgive this week?

717
00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:51.200
Who do you need to release fully to the Lord's care?

718
00:35:51.320 --> 00:35:54.880
Maybe some of you have kids that you're just, you know, you need reconciliation.

719
00:35:54.880 --> 00:35:59.380
You're fighting, or you're disagreeing, or whatever the dynamic is,

720
00:35:59.660 --> 00:36:02.440
and fully releasing them to the Lord.

721
00:36:02.660 --> 00:36:05.300
That might be who, like, something God is asking you to do.

722
00:36:05.780 --> 00:36:07.160
And then that surrender.

723
00:36:07.340 --> 00:36:09.100
What do you need to give to God this week?

724
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:12.620
Where have you been trying to take the reins back,

725
00:36:13.640 --> 00:36:18.540
thinking that maybe you know better than Jesus, so you just want to take the wheel back?

726
00:36:19.660 --> 00:36:24.920
Because you are believing or trying to make a desired outcome come to pass,

727
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.320
and maybe that's not the outcome God has actually intended for you.

728
00:36:30.620 --> 00:36:33.620
How are you protecting the healed areas of your heart?

729
00:36:34.020 --> 00:36:37.020
Remember I said, like, sometimes we go through things and we revert back?

730
00:36:38.220 --> 00:36:41.960
Well, one of the ways that, you know, we move away from doing that

731
00:36:41.960 --> 00:36:47.360
is not only retraining our brain, but it is guarding the healed places of our hearts,

732
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:50.800
and not allowing, you know, the devil to trample all over them,

733
00:36:50.900 --> 00:36:52.460
people to trample all over it.

734
00:36:52.460 --> 00:36:56.680
Some of you all, you know, again, putting those boundaries in place is going to be really important.

735
00:36:57.820 --> 00:37:00.940
Not allowing toxic people to keep mistreating you.

736
00:37:03.040 --> 00:37:06.360
So in order to move forward, do you need to put boundaries in place?

737
00:37:06.420 --> 00:37:07.960
Is that what's speaking to you tonight?

738
00:37:10.140 --> 00:37:11.720
I do have four segments.

739
00:37:11.800 --> 00:37:12.400
I thought I did.

740
00:37:12.460 --> 00:37:14.020
I just, it was at the bottom of paper here.

741
00:37:14.020 --> 00:37:17.140
Number four, identifying wounds that trap us.

742
00:37:17.920 --> 00:37:19.720
So this is where we're going to go next,

743
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:21.580
and then we'll do, like, a closing activation,

744
00:37:21.860 --> 00:37:23.420
and then I'll do the heartwork seat coaching.

745
00:37:25.140 --> 00:37:28.540
Freedom from negative patterns is another key heartwork concept.

746
00:37:29.040 --> 00:37:32.960
So trauma creates these different versions of us, as I was talking about earlier.

747
00:37:33.300 --> 00:37:36.220
So our past wounds are creating these counterfeit identities,

748
00:37:36.300 --> 00:37:39.100
and those counterfeit identities limit our future.

749
00:37:39.100 --> 00:37:44.460
We often have no problem beating ourselves up over the tiniest mistakes that we make,

750
00:37:45.100 --> 00:37:45.860
even in dating.

751
00:37:46.740 --> 00:37:50.900
Some of you all are just really tearing yourselves up when something doesn't work out,

752
00:37:51.480 --> 00:37:54.960
and maybe God's just trying to use that to teach you something to prepare you

753
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:56.880
for the next thing that is coming

754
00:37:56.900 --> 00:38:01.040
that probably is even better than what you were experiencing before.

755
00:38:01.360 --> 00:38:04.440
But then we never pause to celebrate the small wins.

756
00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:09.560
So what wins do you need to stop this week and celebrate?

757
00:38:10.620 --> 00:38:12.040
Where do you need to, like, say,

758
00:38:12.140 --> 00:38:13.880
hey, man, you're doing a good job,

759
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:17.200
and just give yourself a pat on the back a little bit?

760
00:38:20.360 --> 00:38:22.120
Good and bad are not equal.

761
00:38:23.340 --> 00:38:25.120
Positive far outweighs the negative.

762
00:38:26.140 --> 00:38:27.960
When you give focus to the positive,

763
00:38:28.200 --> 00:38:31.140
the negative will slowly start to disappear.

764
00:38:31.140 --> 00:38:33.520
The same thing as what I'm saying to you

765
00:38:33.580 --> 00:38:36.180
about when I was overcoming the spirit of fear,

766
00:38:36.980 --> 00:38:38.960
the more I focused on the positive,

767
00:38:39.360 --> 00:38:41.720
and I partnered with the word and the truth,

768
00:38:42.220 --> 00:38:44.700
the darkness and the things that were not good

769
00:38:44.700 --> 00:38:46.820
started weakening, and they started disappearing.

770
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:50.260
I want to show you all a picture just real quick.

771
00:38:50.860 --> 00:38:51.700
I thought of this, and I thought,

772
00:38:51.940 --> 00:38:54.300
okay, this will be cool visual for you all to remember tonight.

773
00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:56.120
Can you see my screen?

774
00:38:56.220 --> 00:38:56.960
Can you see this picture?

775
00:38:58.500 --> 00:39:01.640
I want you to think about what are you focused on?

776
00:39:02.920 --> 00:39:04.780
Like, what's been in your focus lately?

777
00:39:06.900 --> 00:39:09.700
Has your focus been on what's not working,

778
00:39:10.520 --> 00:39:14.360
what you're not doing right, what's not going well,

779
00:39:14.360 --> 00:39:18.020
or are you focused on what you are doing right,

780
00:39:18.680 --> 00:39:22.760
what has been going well, the areas that are growing?

781
00:39:24.600 --> 00:39:26.300
Because God is saying tonight,

782
00:39:26.300 --> 00:39:27.800
He wants you to shift your focus,

783
00:39:27.900 --> 00:39:30.360
and He wants you to focus more on what's right.

784
00:39:31.340 --> 00:39:33.540
And the more that you focus on what's right,

785
00:39:34.280 --> 00:39:35.940
it doesn't mean we don't do heart work,

786
00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:37.140
but what I'm saying to you is

787
00:39:37.140 --> 00:39:40.040
some of you are just beating yourselves up so much

788
00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:42.580
that it's just dragging you down,

789
00:39:42.680 --> 00:39:45.180
and it's affecting your relationships.

790
00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:52.620
So when we shift to what is all wrong in us,

791
00:39:53.040 --> 00:39:55.320
we ask God to reveal areas for healing,

792
00:39:55.320 --> 00:39:56.340
and we give it to Him.

793
00:39:56.420 --> 00:39:58.080
That's the surrender part, you all.

794
00:39:58.720 --> 00:39:59.980
God doesn't ask us to...

795
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.380
it and ruminate on it. You know, rumination is like you're just thinking on it and thinking

796
00:40:06.380 --> 00:40:09.660
on it and thinking on it, you know, over and over again, all the mistakes that you made.

797
00:40:10.120 --> 00:40:17.020
And some of you all are believing that those mistakes define you and they don't. And God

798
00:40:17.020 --> 00:40:20.780
is saying tonight, it's time to change your focus. So what's in the, what's in the end

799
00:40:20.780 --> 00:40:27.900
of the lens for you? And some of you, you know, again, yeah, God drew you into our community

800
00:40:27.900 --> 00:40:32.800
for the spirit mate, but he wants to give you so much more than that. And are you willing

801
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:38.760
to receive everything that he has for you while you're here? Cause the spirit mates,

802
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:45.340
the cherry on top, when he sets you free and he liberates you, I'm serious. You all, I

803
00:40:45.380 --> 00:40:50.320
cannot emphasize this enough. The things that God did in me through this program, as well

804
00:40:50.320 --> 00:40:54.680
as healing stuff that happened before here, but man, God really accelerated it here and

805
00:40:54.680 --> 00:41:01.400
set me free from stuff. I didn't even know I needed set free from literally. And because

806
00:41:01.400 --> 00:41:07.540
of that, because I fully surrendered that process process, I 100% believe that's why

807
00:41:07.540 --> 00:41:15.640
I was able to move forward and meet Brian, my husband. So I want you to identify one

808
00:41:15.640 --> 00:41:20.700
core wound that keeps you in a negative pattern. So maybe that's connected to the area where

809
00:41:20.700 --> 00:41:25.300
you're stuck. Maybe it's something totally different. That's coming up in your spirit.

810
00:41:25.700 --> 00:41:32.020
Now identify one core wound area that keeps you in a negative pattern. Maybe it's a negative

811
00:41:32.080 --> 00:41:40.180
thought, maybe it's fear, you know, maybe it's anxiety that keeps surfacing. So what

812
00:41:40.180 --> 00:41:48.560
is that core wound that keeps kind of that Achilles heel for you? And then I want you

813
00:41:48.560 --> 00:41:55.820
to work on practicing the principle of celebration of small wins. The small wins, the more we

814
00:41:55.820 --> 00:41:59.880
celebrate those, it starts to create the momentum. Remember earlier I was talking about when

815
00:41:59.880 --> 00:42:04.860
there's that dam and that stuff gets stuck. Well, it needs a powerful momentum. It needs

816
00:42:04.860 --> 00:42:09.900
something more forceful coming behind it to push that stuff out of the way that's blocking

817
00:42:09.900 --> 00:42:15.560
that. And so when you start to celebrate your wins, it's going to start to create a momentum

818
00:42:15.560 --> 00:42:21.660
that will not be stopped if you allow yourself to keep moving forward versus continuing.

819
00:42:21.980 --> 00:42:27.380
You remember Lot's wife? She's looking back. And I know a lot of Bible teaching, you know,

820
00:42:27.380 --> 00:42:30.720
they try to make us all afraid. I'm not trying to make you afraid. But you know, what was

821
00:42:30.720 --> 00:42:37.980
she looking back at? Think about this. There was so much bad stuff going on in that place.

822
00:42:38.920 --> 00:42:44.040
And people that wanted to do bad stuff to their kids. And she was looking back at that.

823
00:42:44.740 --> 00:42:50.060
Intriguing, right? I'm not shaming her. I'm not judging her because there had to be something

824
00:42:50.120 --> 00:42:57.080
that was broken in her heart that caused her to even think for a second that she would

825
00:42:57.080 --> 00:43:03.580
miss what she was leaving behind. You know, this is where some of those situationships

826
00:43:04.140 --> 00:43:12.060
you all, God is asking you to move forward. And you keep looking back at that person and

827
00:43:12.060 --> 00:43:17.880
thinking they're going to be the solution and they're not. I'm going to keep going.

828
00:43:20.140 --> 00:43:26.120
So as we start to shift our focus to the wins and we start celebrating, God is going to

829
00:43:26.120 --> 00:43:30.000
help you create that momentum. And we're going to start to have more forward movement. And

830
00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:34.500
even that grieving is forward movement that Jackie talked about. It's still you moving

831
00:43:35.280 --> 00:43:40.540
forward. And you're going to start to have renewed clarity. Those are huge aspects to

832
00:43:40.540 --> 00:43:46.920
kind of bring this all together. You are being transformed into the real you. Remember

833
00:43:46.920 --> 00:43:52.460
the you that God created. The day that He dreamed you up before He ever formed you in

834
00:43:52.460 --> 00:43:58.180
your mother's womb. He celebrated when He was creating you and saying, you know, Lewis,

835
00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:03.700
I'm going to put this amazing stuff in you. And you're going to be a game changer to people's

836
00:44:03.700 --> 00:44:08.960
lives around the world. And the things that you carry are going to awaken joy in people.

837
00:44:08.960 --> 00:44:13.020
I don't even know Lewis, but I just felt led to say that to him. You know, God is putting

838
00:44:13.040 --> 00:44:19.740
things in us when He was forming us and He was, you know, just so excited. But so many

839
00:44:19.740 --> 00:44:25.260
of us even hearing that, we just don't even really believe that that's how God felt when

840
00:44:25.260 --> 00:44:31.840
He made us. And if that's the truth, if you don't believe that God celebrated the day

841
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:41.000
that He made you, that's the core of where you need to go. Because He did. How do I know?

842
00:44:41.020 --> 00:44:46.380
The Bible tells us. It tells us. He fearfully and wonderfully made us. Can you imagine just

843
00:44:46.380 --> 00:44:50.820
being like, have you ever created something? And you're just like, man, that is so awesome.

844
00:44:51.460 --> 00:44:59.980
That's so good. That's how he felt. That's how he felt. So we are not who we used to

845
00:44:59.980 --> 00:44:59.980


846
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.760
to be. Remember, we are unbecoming the counterfeit identities and we are becoming

847
00:45:05.280 --> 00:45:10.760
someone new, the real, closer and closer to the real us every single day. So we're not who we

848
00:45:10.760 --> 00:45:15.740
used to be and we're not even who we were yesterday. Y'all, I wasn't even who I was this morning.

849
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:22.640
I love to think about that. If I'm changing constantly, if I'm allowing God to transform

850
00:45:22.640 --> 00:45:27.840
me and change me all throughout the day because hopefully I'm, you know, hearing things that

851
00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:32.480
and, you know, I say something, he's like, hey, Bethany, you shouldn't have said that that way

852
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:38.280
to Brian or hey, you know, have more patience with this person. Yeah, that stuff challenges me

853
00:45:38.740 --> 00:45:42.740
and it draws me further into the fullness of who Christ created me to be.

854
00:45:43.720 --> 00:45:48.140
So you're not who you were yesterday or this morning either. Praise the Lord. We are always

855
00:45:48.140 --> 00:45:52.500
changing. And why am I saying this? I'm saying this because for those of you that still aren't

856
00:45:52.500 --> 00:45:57.680
sure if it can happen for you and how, why is this time any different? Well, because you're different.

857
00:45:58.860 --> 00:46:03.640
You're different. And every single day, I'm hoping that you're stepping further

858
00:46:03.640 --> 00:46:10.740
into that plan that God has for you. Some bridges that we've crossed in our lives in

859
00:46:10.740 --> 00:46:15.200
the past, we will never have to cross back over ever again. Praise the Lord.

860
00:46:17.160 --> 00:46:20.300
So let's stop beating ourselves up over that bridge.

861
00:46:22.100 --> 00:46:28.060
You can't change it. You can't change the past. You can't go back and change the thing you said

862
00:46:28.060 --> 00:46:33.520
to someone or did or you can't change what happened to you. All you can do is live your

863
00:46:33.940 --> 00:46:42.760
best life moving forward. Nothing can stop us but us. True. It's very true.

864
00:46:45.560 --> 00:46:50.900
So as you guys think about all this stuff that I kind of put in kind of in your lap very quickly

865
00:46:51.120 --> 00:46:56.140
tonight and you're moving forward, you know, just be thinking about the binoculars. I hope that that

866
00:46:56.250 --> 00:47:01.890
gave you a focal point for all of this. Like, what are you focused on, you know, and what does God

867
00:47:01.890 --> 00:47:06.570
want to do in you and through you in this season and through the heart healing that He wants to

868
00:47:06.570 --> 00:47:11.070
continue to do in your life? And so I'm going to go ahead and open up the heartwork seat for anybody

869
00:47:11.070 --> 00:47:15.630
that has any question. It can be about something I said tonight. It can be about anything different.

870
00:47:16.130 --> 00:47:21.130
You guys know I'm open to anything. If I feel like I can't answer your question, I'm going to tell you

871
00:47:21.130 --> 00:47:27.590
that, okay? But for the most part, I will do my best to navigate that with you all. And so I see

872
00:47:27.590 --> 00:47:32.330
Melissa Dawn's hand up. I'm going to let you go first and would love to hear what you have to say.

873
00:47:33.930 --> 00:47:41.350
Okay. Thank you, Bethany. I really appreciate it. I really am so grateful for what you shared

874
00:47:42.730 --> 00:47:47.750
because even the words like ruminate and just like several key words that you highlighted,

875
00:47:48.310 --> 00:47:52.710
I've really been struggling with that and feeling convicted about.

876
00:47:56.790 --> 00:48:04.550
Unfortunately, it seems that my pattern is I tend to attract very amazing men,

877
00:48:04.930 --> 00:48:08.810
but they're really just not ready. And so they think that they're ready,

878
00:48:09.070 --> 00:48:14.070
but then when it comes down to it, when they actually have to make real sacrifices and it's

879
00:48:14.260 --> 00:48:21.360
just I'm totally willing to do my part, but then they're not quite willing or able to rise to meet

880
00:48:21.500 --> 00:48:30.360
me, then it just kind of fizzled out. And so at this point, I would say you're talking about

881
00:48:30.360 --> 00:48:38.540
boundaries and ruminating. And I do want to be very consistent and also gracious to this person

882
00:48:38.540 --> 00:48:47.800
that I was with this past spring, because he has many wonderful qualities and I really respect him

883
00:48:47.800 --> 00:48:55.800
as a brother in Christ and as a person. And it's difficult because we have some mutual friends

884
00:48:56.000 --> 00:49:07.300
and that's not going to go away. And so I don't visit this person's page. I try,

885
00:49:07.300 --> 00:49:13.740
I don't quote unquote follow them, but I haven't unfriended them because I just in general don't

886
00:49:13.740 --> 00:49:25.300
do that a lot. And so it's difficult because even if, I don't know, because I gave my word and I said

887
00:49:26.060 --> 00:49:32.880
like this person wanted to kind of continue to have the benefits of what I was offering,

888
00:49:32.880 --> 00:49:37.960
which is like a lot of attentive listening and emotional support. But I just said,

889
00:49:38.520 --> 00:49:43.060
and was like, oh, well, maybe like whenever you're, if you're ever in another relationship

890
00:49:43.060 --> 00:49:52.060
or whatever. And I was like, well, actually out of respect for my own heart, I need to let you

891
00:49:52.060 --> 00:49:59.440
know that I'm really ready for someone that is willing to enable to rise to meet me and

892
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.300
you know, pursue me all the way to the altar and beyond and, you know, that's not you, that's okay.

893
00:50:06.040 --> 00:50:12.380
Um, but I just, you know, I don't do like, I don't do anything halfway, you know, like,

894
00:50:12.700 --> 00:50:15.020
No, that's really good. I want to just pause and just say,

895
00:50:15.740 --> 00:50:19.720
Way to go on that because I know that that can be tough. I've had to navigate that before too.

896
00:50:19.960 --> 00:50:23.040
I think that's really awesome. And I think you handled that really well.

897
00:50:23.060 --> 00:50:29.400
My question for you is what are the ruminating thoughts about? Are they about him? Is that

898
00:50:29.400 --> 00:50:35.960
you're saying? Yeah, it's, it's just difficult because I, I'm not following him, but he continues

899
00:50:35.960 --> 00:50:40.360
to like appear on my main page. So it kind of makes me think maybe he's continuing to like,

900
00:50:40.360 --> 00:50:47.780
check in on me. And so, um, and we're like a part of some, you know, private groups together.

901
00:50:47.840 --> 00:50:55.980
And so I just feel very torn because my last word that I gave him was, you know, I, out of respect

902
00:50:55.980 --> 00:51:00.340
for my own heart, you know, like he wanted just to keep all the benefits basically. And I'm like,

903
00:51:00.420 --> 00:51:06.860
um, sir, no. And I just was like, I said, you know, out of respect for my own heart,

904
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:13.340
um, and to heal at this point and to be fully healthy and whole and ready for whatever God has

905
00:51:13.220 --> 00:51:22.480
next. Um, I need to, you know, we can be cordial, but not close. And so I didn't, you know, I didn't

906
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:29.860
unfriend him or anything, but yeah. You may want to consider for a season, even if it's look,

907
00:51:30.060 --> 00:51:34.680
it's not being mean, it's setting a boundary for yourself because every time this guy's

908
00:51:34.680 --> 00:51:39.180
showing up in your feed, it's, it's doing something to you. I don't, that's what you're

909
00:51:39.180 --> 00:51:44.700
saying. It's a, you're connected to him though. You didn't unfriend him. That's what you said,

910
00:51:44.500 --> 00:51:49.440
right? It's true. I guess it's because you're friends with him and whether he's looking on

911
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:54.940
your page or whatever, for whatever reason, the algorithm is sending him into your feed right now.

912
00:51:55.200 --> 00:51:59.960
And I, what I believe it's not that you're saying, Hey, I don't want to be friends with you,

913
00:52:00.260 --> 00:52:07.380
whatever. It's, it's basically you choosing to put your need first and your need to heal right now

914
00:52:07.500 --> 00:52:13.940
and move on is to not see this guy in your feed all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that,

915
00:52:13.940 --> 00:52:18.500
Melissa. It's not being mean it's setting a healthy boundary for yourself to care for yourself

916
00:52:18.500 --> 00:52:23.580
really well. And I'm not telling you, you don't like, you have to stop being in these groups that

917
00:52:23.580 --> 00:52:29.100
he's in or, but you might want to consider, I mean, should you just stay in all those groups

918
00:52:29.100 --> 00:52:33.620
right now? Like, should you keep hanging out in the same circle? Like, again, I'm not telling

919
00:52:33.620 --> 00:52:38.420
you to change everything, but I think you should pray about it and really ask the Lord just even

920
00:52:38.420 --> 00:52:43.680
for a couple of weeks to give yourself or a month or whatever that looks like, um, where you're

921
00:52:43.680 --> 00:52:50.460
yourself for a break from having to see him all the time. Um, because I just think it's,

922
00:52:51.020 --> 00:52:55.680
it sounds like it's sending you into these constant cycles of thought that are not helping you.

923
00:52:56.680 --> 00:53:01.580
Exactly. You saying, right? Yes, Bethany. And I'm not that kind of a person. Like

924
00:53:02.020 --> 00:53:07.160
I'm usually like, not at all like this. And so I just feel like it is, but it does,

925
00:53:07.160 --> 00:53:12.980
it's not all the time. It just, it goes through waves. And so, um, but it just feels very

926
00:53:12.980 --> 00:53:19.540
dramatic. If I like on unfriend him for a while, I mean, because then it's like,

927
00:53:19.800 --> 00:53:23.860
why does that feel dramatic? Tell me why that feels dramatic to you.

928
00:53:23.900 --> 00:53:29.580
Um, I think because part of me, I'm part of this is just like my family values. Like if I gave my

929
00:53:29.580 --> 00:53:37.320
word on something and what I meant by it was, um, you know, like, like I said, um, you know,

930
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:44.220
I want to like, we can be cordial, but not close to me that if I unfriend this person,

931
00:53:44.280 --> 00:53:49.520
then it kind of feels like not that like, it feels like I don't even want to be cordial.

932
00:53:49.880 --> 00:53:56.660
But I think part of this too, is that I'm probably like over considering their sensitivity

933
00:53:57.180 --> 00:54:00.840
to potential rejection. And I'm, because I want to be delicate.

934
00:54:01.180 --> 00:54:04.400
You're putting this person before yourself, Melissa is what you're doing.

935
00:54:04.400 --> 00:54:15.040
And it's like, I'm trying not to, but, but I also was like yesterday, um, like we had this really

936
00:54:15.140 --> 00:54:21.460
amazing dedication at our, at my church. And it was like, what you want to consecrate. And it's

937
00:54:21.160 --> 00:54:27.020
like, you know, I just noticed that, you know, there's like more emotion on the top of my heart

938
00:54:27.020 --> 00:54:32.840
about this. And I'm like, this is kind of ridiculous because, but why you seem like you

939
00:54:32.840 --> 00:54:40.400
really liked this guy. Why is it ridiculous feelings about, I mean, it's okay for you to

940
00:54:40.480 --> 00:54:49.160
feel Melissa and to, yeah, I agree, but it should be long gone by now because I grieved.

941
00:54:49.620 --> 00:54:56.640
I mourned a lot in the spring. I mean, I bawled my eyes out. I prayed. I, I like really,

942
00:54:56.640 --> 00:54:59.520
I definitely I'm a deep processor. Like I'm a deep.

943
00:55:00.740 --> 00:55:06.840
Like I do the work, like I totally all of the work, but I'm just like, okay, this is,

944
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:09.300
I mean, we dated for like just a few months.

945
00:55:10.100 --> 00:55:12.640
And here's, here's, sorry, I'm going to jump in.

946
00:55:13.100 --> 00:55:15.260
Here's one of the things somebody said this to me.

947
00:55:15.260 --> 00:55:17.960
And I want to give this to you because I think it'll serve you.

948
00:55:18.300 --> 00:55:19.580
You shouldn't should on somebody.

949
00:55:21.120 --> 00:55:23.180
You shouldn't should on somebody.

950
00:55:23.180 --> 00:55:25.060
It's not the S H I T word.

951
00:55:25.080 --> 00:55:27.820
It's you shouldn't should on somebody, but you're doing it to yourself.

952
00:55:28.580 --> 00:55:31.180
So basically you're saying I should be over this by now.

953
00:55:31.220 --> 00:55:35.980
And so you're getting upset with yourself and you're really kind of chastising yourself

954
00:55:35.980 --> 00:55:37.040
a little bit, Melissa.

955
00:55:37.720 --> 00:55:42.260
And here's the thing, how can you get over something when it keeps being put in front

956
00:55:42.260 --> 00:55:42.820
of your face?

957
00:55:42.840 --> 00:55:44.400
I mean, I think that makes it harder.

958
00:55:45.080 --> 00:55:49.540
And so one of the things I wanted to ask you to, you said, I gave my word.

959
00:55:49.940 --> 00:55:50.600
I gave my word.

960
00:55:50.660 --> 00:55:54.820
That actually came out like twice, maybe three times while you were sharing tonight.

961
00:55:57.180 --> 00:56:05.000
Um, I, I think this, the flip needs to happen regarding, um, see to me, I don't know.

962
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:06.120
I'm not like this with everyone.

963
00:56:06.200 --> 00:56:09.780
Y'all I do have people that now I'm on Facebook and I'm like, Oh, how did I get

964
00:56:09.780 --> 00:56:10.620
in connected to them?

965
00:56:10.640 --> 00:56:12.800
I, you know, maybe it was a long, long time ago.

966
00:56:12.860 --> 00:56:16.740
So I do have some of those people, but y'all, I don't just friend everybody on

967
00:56:16.740 --> 00:56:16.960
Facebook.

968
00:56:17.800 --> 00:56:22.680
And so I feel like that is a level of closeness.

969
00:56:22.680 --> 00:56:28.000
I'm letting people into an aspect of my worlds that I don't allow everybody into.

970
00:56:28.720 --> 00:56:33.180
And so for me, I'm not saying it's the same for you, but I'm saying that for me,

971
00:56:33.720 --> 00:56:36.720
that feels like friendship versus cordial.

972
00:56:38.340 --> 00:56:38.420
Okay.

973
00:56:38.820 --> 00:56:42.420
Now there's different levels of Facebook access and I get all that, you know, you

974
00:56:42.420 --> 00:56:44.580
can set your settings of who you want to see what.

975
00:56:44.860 --> 00:56:47.160
Um, but I'm just trying to use that as a point.

976
00:56:47.160 --> 00:56:52.500
I think that you are viewing it as you're being mean to him or you're not being his

977
00:56:52.440 --> 00:56:58.800
friend, but maybe part of what needs to happen is you maybe need to actually like

978
00:56:58.800 --> 00:56:59.460
being cordial.

979
00:56:59.460 --> 00:57:03.600
You can say hi to someone from a distance and be cordial, but like being friends

980
00:57:03.600 --> 00:57:06.620
with someone means you give them access to your life.

981
00:57:06.620 --> 00:57:09.460
And right now this guy has access to your life through your Facebook.

982
00:57:10.940 --> 00:57:12.780
Do you see how that flipped there?

983
00:57:12.780 --> 00:57:13.880
Even just saying that.

984
00:57:15.940 --> 00:57:16.420
Yes.

985
00:57:16.420 --> 00:57:17.900
You are absolutely right.

986
00:57:18.080 --> 00:57:21.000
And I completely agree with you on a logical level.

987
00:57:21.200 --> 00:57:27.100
And I think that essentially I need to let my emotions come into subjection to the

988
00:57:27.100 --> 00:57:29.960
rational thing to do, which you clearly articulated.

989
00:57:30.780 --> 00:57:37.140
So I just really want to, I think what you're saying, Bethany, is exactly what I

990
00:57:37.140 --> 00:57:41.940
need to hear in the sense of receiving the permission that I'm not being unkind,

991
00:57:42.500 --> 00:57:44.600
that I'm being rude to him.

992
00:57:45.940 --> 00:57:49.620
And ultimately I do want good things for him.

993
00:57:50.160 --> 00:57:51.760
I bless him.

994
00:57:52.820 --> 00:57:58.200
Do you think part of this at the core, Melissa, and it's okay if this is not the

995
00:57:58.200 --> 00:58:01.280
case, but I keep feeling led to ask you this, so I feel like I need to ask you.

996
00:58:02.000 --> 00:58:06.540
Do you feel like part of you is not unfriending him because you're hoping he'll

997
00:58:06.540 --> 00:58:07.380
change his mind?

998
00:58:08.780 --> 00:58:10.700
There may be some of that.

999
00:58:11.540 --> 00:58:15.800
I think that there may be some of that.

1000
00:58:16.520 --> 00:58:22.780
I think it's more just like, I tend to be an idealist and I tend to see the good in

1001
00:58:22.780 --> 00:58:23.180
people.

1002
00:58:23.480 --> 00:58:29.080
And so I'm just like, I'm rooting for him to get the healing that he needs and

1003
00:58:29.440 --> 00:58:30.560
that's on him.

1004
00:58:30.780 --> 00:58:35.040
And I don't, the funny thing about it is I really genuinely think he thinks he's

1005
00:58:35.040 --> 00:58:36.560
healed and that he's good to go.

1006
00:58:36.560 --> 00:58:43.660
And I think he has some great qualities, but I'm like, Oh, there's some things

1007
00:58:43.660 --> 00:58:47.440
that really, he just hasn't addressed some really like deep childhood stuff.

1008
00:58:47.880 --> 00:58:52.080
And I just, he doesn't maybe realize the impact of that and keeps repeating the

1009
00:58:52.080 --> 00:58:52.660
same pattern.

1010
00:58:53.420 --> 00:58:56.900
But I was inviting him to look in the mirror and he got really scared.

1011
00:58:56.900 --> 00:59:01.420
And he told me that he was intimidated by me and I try not to be intimidating.

1012
00:59:01.860 --> 00:59:02.840
Well, here's the thing.

1013
00:59:02.840 --> 00:59:06.760
Here's a seed I'm going to plant in your spirit so that you'll hopefully hold on

1014
00:59:06.760 --> 00:59:07.200
to this.

1015
00:59:07.560 --> 00:59:07.800
Okay.

1016
00:59:07.840 --> 00:59:09.320
Totally different from this guy.

1017
00:59:11.060 --> 00:59:16.240
When a man is mature and he's the spirit mate for you and he walks in the fruits of

1018
00:59:16.240 --> 00:59:21.040
the spirit, God is going to gift him with the ability to not be intimidated by you.

1019
00:59:21.380 --> 00:59:23.620
I used to have a very similar fear.

1020
00:59:23.680 --> 00:59:25.180
I'm a pretty strong woman.

1021
00:59:25.200 --> 00:59:28.480
I'm not overbearing, but I just, I know who God has called me to be.

1022
00:59:28.580 --> 00:59:30.880
I know the calling of God in my life as a minister.

1023
00:59:31.400 --> 00:59:35.840
And that seemed to always be a problem with my ex-husband, with my spiritual

1024
00:59:36.000 --> 00:59:36.560
daughter's dad.

1025
00:59:36.680 --> 00:59:40.000
And it was, it just always kept becoming a problem.

1026
00:59:40.640 --> 00:59:44.300
And so I remember just talking to the Lord, like, Lord, I just need somebody

1027
00:59:44.300 --> 00:59:49.560
that is, is confident in who they are, that doesn't get intimidated and doesn't

1028
00:59:49.560 --> 00:59:55.280
back away, but actually embraces who I am and wants me to thrive and be who I am

1029
00:59:55.280 --> 00:59:55.940
called to be.

1030
00:59:56.240 --> 00:59:58.920
And, and I can tell you that God has provided that.

1031
00:59:58.920 --> 00:59:59.980
Brian does not get intimidated.

1032
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.920
Intimidated by any of my success. He wants me like for example, he wants me to preach more

1033
01:00:06.920 --> 01:00:12.400
You know, I've preached twice in our new our church here in Florida and he he's like how I want to I want to have

1034
01:00:12.400 --> 01:00:16.440
You do that more, you know, he's cheering me on he's a champion in my life

1035
01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:22.380
And so I want to plant the seed for you that while you have not found that person yet

1036
01:00:22.380 --> 01:00:29.620
Melissa from what it sounds like God has someone for you that is anointed and gifted with the grace and the ability

1037
01:00:29.620 --> 01:00:38.340
to run with you and not be intimidated by your giftings and who you are and so in your niceness, I

1038
01:00:38.340 --> 01:00:43.620
I'm giving you permission tonight. You're still gonna be nice, but you're just gonna set a boundary for yourself

1039
01:00:43.720 --> 01:00:48.160
That's what you're gonna do. So look at it like that instead of not being nice

1040
01:00:48.160 --> 01:00:53.340
Look at it as I'm setting a healthy boundary for myself, and I don't need to explain this, correct?

1041
01:00:53.540 --> 01:00:59.300
You don't say hey just to let you know blah blah because that's like not you don't need to know

1042
01:00:59.300 --> 01:01:03.140
And if he happens to come to you and say hey you unfriended me

1043
01:01:03.140 --> 01:01:07.700
Why'd you do that? Then you can just say I'm setting a healthy boundary for myself

1044
01:01:08.180 --> 01:01:10.760
You don't you don't even need to explain anything to him

1045
01:01:10.760 --> 01:01:13.880
But I'm saying in the respect of being cordial

1046
01:01:14.400 --> 01:01:18.240
You feel led to but don't feel like you need to over explain things to people

1047
01:01:18.580 --> 01:01:21.760
Yeah, it's okay for us any of us ladies and gentlemen

1048
01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:27.820
We can set boundaries with people and we don't got to tell them why we're setting them. Okay, we don't I

1049
01:01:28.560 --> 01:01:34.960
Also think that one of the complications is that so we have like I said multiple friends like he's still gonna be able to see

1050
01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:38.080
Whatever I post if he goes through his friends and that's fine

1051
01:01:38.520 --> 01:01:44.060
To agree, but yeah, but at least you won't constantly see his stuff in yours and that's the point

1052
01:01:44.720 --> 01:01:48.880
You're so right and that's that's really what I'm hearing and I do receive that

1053
01:01:49.320 --> 01:01:54.660
When I'm in my prayer group, they were like, please pray about this and I was like, I just I need somebody to give me

1054
01:01:54.800 --> 01:02:00.400
Permission so you really gave me permission here Bethany. Thank you so much and I just need to

1055
01:02:01.180 --> 01:02:07.200
Extend the self-respect which is really respect for God and his God's respect for me

1056
01:02:07.200 --> 01:02:11.400
But also God's respect for this other person because as we have healthy boundaries

1057
01:02:11.680 --> 01:02:16.360
Then we have help all around it can be an invitation for him as well to grow

1058
01:02:16.960 --> 01:02:19.100
regardless right now

1059
01:02:19.740 --> 01:02:24.380
One of the things I want you to kind of work on Melissa and then I'm gonna go to Dave

1060
01:02:25.140 --> 01:02:25.660
is

1061
01:02:26.380 --> 01:02:33.680
You don't have to be concerned about him. Okay, I'm a person you need to be concerned about is you?

1062
01:02:34.440 --> 01:02:35.840
Okay, I will take care of him

1063
01:02:36.400 --> 01:02:39.700
Whatever it is. He needs to do healing or whatever it is

1064
01:02:39.700 --> 01:02:45.740
But right now all the only person you need to be focused on is what is God's wanting me to do Melissa?

1065
01:02:45.940 --> 01:02:47.740
And how can I walk that out?

1066
01:02:48.340 --> 01:02:53.480
Okay, so you have complete permission just to focus on that and keep moving forward. Okay

1067
01:02:53.480 --> 01:03:01.540
Thank You Bethany, I really welcome great share great questions. So good. I just lost was it Dave, right?

1068
01:03:01.900 --> 01:03:03.940
I just lost him on my screen. Okay. Yeah

1069
01:03:04.280 --> 01:03:07.420
Yeah, Dave, right. Go ahead. I

1070
01:03:07.420 --> 01:03:12.660
Just want to say Bethany. Thank you so much for all the work you do. It's so lovely and this was an amazing teaching tonight

1071
01:03:12.660 --> 01:03:14.000
So thanks for taking that time

1072
01:03:14.640 --> 01:03:17.040
so my my question is I

1073
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:23.340
Grew up in a very secure home like home was always safe and you know, like yes, there was other things

1074
01:03:23.340 --> 01:03:26.060
I struggled with like school and some situations

1075
01:03:26.500 --> 01:03:32.980
But I always was safe and secure at home and my mom and dad worked really really hard to build that like every day before

1076
01:03:32.980 --> 01:03:36.580
We would leave on the school bus. My mom would say go make a difference and when we come home

1077
01:03:36.580 --> 01:03:41.320
She said did you make a difference today? And we'd say yeah or no and it's like, okay

1078
01:03:41.320 --> 01:03:44.600
Well, if you know, how are you gonna make a difference tomorrow? The day's not over yet

1079
01:03:45.240 --> 01:03:49.660
And like, you know, like she would sing to us like the be patient song when we were being patient

1080
01:03:49.660 --> 01:03:57.480
My mom would always say, you know, whatever's good whatever's lovely whatever's noble whatever's righteous think of those things and she would say

1081
01:03:57.500 --> 01:03:59.120
Play it in your mind like a movie

1082
01:03:59.240 --> 01:04:01.880
So if there's something that you love and that's a righteous thing

1083
01:04:01.960 --> 01:04:04.520
Save that in the righteous file and when you're really upset

1084
01:04:04.600 --> 01:04:11.580
think about the righteous things the lovely things and she said and just watch it like you're watching a film and so

1085
01:04:11.960 --> 01:04:17.020
We always had that background of like and I actually got to thank both my parents today and I said hey

1086
01:04:17.020 --> 01:04:18.640
Thanks for this great

1087
01:04:18.640 --> 01:04:21.000
upbringing that I had and

1088
01:04:21.900 --> 01:04:24.580
This community has actually really shown me that

1089
01:04:24.580 --> 01:04:28.800
how unique that actually was and I kind of feel like an alien here sometimes and

1090
01:04:29.520 --> 01:04:35.120
Like an outcast because I can't relate to 90% of the things people are saying. I don't I don't know it

1091
01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:39.960
It's a different language. It's a different. Sorry. I gotta calm down. It's like a different good

1092
01:04:39.960 --> 01:04:46.180
This is a very real conversation because there are there's actually quite a bit of people in here that grew up in really healthy

1093
01:04:46.420 --> 01:04:47.460
like homes

1094
01:04:47.460 --> 01:04:51.920
And so I want you to know that you're not alone in that and you're not an alien

1095
01:04:51.920 --> 01:04:56.200
So I want you to know that because there are others here, but I do understand what you're saying

1096
01:04:56.200 --> 01:04:59.000
I think it can be tough when like even tonight

1097
01:04:59.500 --> 01:04:59.920
the

1098
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.860
that happened with this young man at our church.

1099
01:05:02.500 --> 01:05:07.640
One of the leaders that was there, I didn't cry, but I was upset because I could relate

1100
01:05:07.640 --> 01:05:09.100
to this thing this boy shared.

1101
01:05:09.540 --> 01:05:12.520
She was upset because she had such a good home.

1102
01:05:12.660 --> 01:05:15.520
She never experienced anything like what he was talking about.

1103
01:05:15.640 --> 01:05:20.560
And that broke her heart because he never experienced, you know, the goodness.

1104
01:05:20.700 --> 01:05:26.020
And so just saying that to say totally, I think that there's that contrast, you know,

1105
01:05:26.020 --> 01:05:26.500
quite a bit.

1106
01:05:27.180 --> 01:05:32.200
Yeah, and so what God's been doing in me is I think He's been allowing me to make space

1107
01:05:32.200 --> 01:05:35.120
for people and make space for different kinds of people.

1108
01:05:35.180 --> 01:05:36.420
And I thought I did it before.

1109
01:05:37.880 --> 01:05:41.000
But I realize now and all my friends have said, they're like, no, no, you're making

1110
01:05:41.000 --> 01:05:41.680
space now.

1111
01:05:41.900 --> 01:05:42.540
You don't interrupt.

1112
01:05:42.720 --> 01:05:43.360
You're actually listening.

1113
01:05:43.440 --> 01:05:45.820
And they're like, you're actually making space.

1114
01:05:45.920 --> 01:05:47.400
And so that has been a gift.

1115
01:05:47.660 --> 01:05:52.260
But sometimes it is hard for me, like sometimes in Supernatural Saturday, I love the activation

1116
01:05:52.380 --> 01:05:53.900
because Candy will explain it.

1117
01:05:53.900 --> 01:05:58.700
But sometimes my story isn't Jackie's and I don't, I don't always know.

1118
01:05:59.560 --> 01:06:01.240
Like I'm like, I don't know what that means.

1119
01:06:01.440 --> 01:06:04.540
And I'm pretty intelligent and able to figure stuff out.

1120
01:06:04.760 --> 01:06:05.720
I get what you're saying.

1121
01:06:06.120 --> 01:06:06.360
Yeah.

1122
01:06:06.360 --> 01:06:09.680
And so an example is, is I like being called Dave.

1123
01:06:09.740 --> 01:06:16.300
I like Dave Davey because it was the first thing I could spell because DAV and I remember

1124
01:06:16.300 --> 01:06:20.000
like that was a big accomplishment for me and my grandpa used to put me on his belly

1125
01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:21.020
and sing Davey Crockett.

1126
01:06:21.020 --> 01:06:25.900
But as I've been talking to lots of different women and men in the community for David Dorman,

1127
01:06:26.920 --> 01:06:29.500
right, Dave Davey was his negative.

1128
01:06:29.900 --> 01:06:32.860
Like, oh, that was the when he was being hard to himself.

1129
01:06:33.720 --> 01:06:34.380
Oh, Dave Davey.

1130
01:06:34.480 --> 01:06:38.720
And so I've had people tell me, well, you need to go by David and not Dave and Davey.

1131
01:06:39.160 --> 01:06:41.080
And you know, like, that's your old self.

1132
01:06:41.140 --> 01:06:42.660
And I'm like, no, no, no.

1133
01:06:42.720 --> 01:06:46.300
And so for me, what I've been kind of been walking in and what God's teaching me is I'm

1134
01:06:46.500 --> 01:06:50.900
learning to step and say, hey, it's okay that I prefer to be I don't mind, David.

1135
01:06:51.380 --> 01:06:53.300
You know, like, I'm a professional, I'm a social worker.

1136
01:06:53.800 --> 01:06:57.680
So, you know, like, David writes my professional name, I get it.

1137
01:06:58.020 --> 01:07:00.200
But I prefer Dave or Davey.

1138
01:07:00.220 --> 01:07:01.380
And that's okay.

1139
01:07:01.380 --> 01:07:03.180
That doesn't mean that's my negative self.

1140
01:07:03.520 --> 01:07:04.580
That's how I identify.

1141
01:07:04.960 --> 01:07:09.640
And so, yeah, for me being able to raise that voice and say, hey, you know what, my story

1142
01:07:09.640 --> 01:07:10.320
isn't David Dorman.

1143
01:07:10.340 --> 01:07:11.340
I love David.

1144
01:07:11.480 --> 01:07:12.780
Heck, that guy's changed my life.

1145
01:07:12.780 --> 01:07:13.580
Jesus changed it.

1146
01:07:13.700 --> 01:07:15.260
But through his guidance, it's been amazing.

1147
01:07:16.020 --> 01:07:19.740
Like literally amazing, but, you know, like, I'm not David.

1148
01:07:20.520 --> 01:07:25.460
And so you get to just stand in who you are and who you name that you want to walk in

1149
01:07:25.460 --> 01:07:26.860
and all the things for sure.

1150
01:07:27.720 --> 01:07:27.900
Yeah.

1151
01:07:27.900 --> 01:07:32.660
And so my question is, it's a long way getting there, but how do I kind of make space?

1152
01:07:32.740 --> 01:07:39.400
How do I be present when I just sometimes don't understand because I've been talking

1153
01:07:39.400 --> 01:07:41.960
to so many amazing people in this community.

1154
01:07:42.120 --> 01:07:46.640
But sometimes when they share, when they say things, it just, it honestly doesn't make

1155
01:07:46.640 --> 01:07:47.420
sense in my brain.

1156
01:07:48.160 --> 01:07:52.180
And I was I talked to a psychotherapist about it and he said, yeah, that would be hard for

1157
01:07:52.180 --> 01:07:53.080
you, wouldn't it?

1158
01:07:53.140 --> 01:07:55.760
And I said, yeah, I don't get it.

1159
01:07:55.760 --> 01:07:58.400
And he said, yeah, that makes sense that you don't get it, Dave.

1160
01:07:59.060 --> 01:07:59.480
Yeah.

1161
01:07:59.600 --> 01:08:04.460
Well, I think the biggest thing, Dave, is giving yourself permission to not have to

1162
01:08:04.460 --> 01:08:05.300
understand everything.

1163
01:08:05.860 --> 01:08:06.300
Yeah.

1164
01:08:06.580 --> 01:08:06.980
Genuinely.

1165
01:08:06.980 --> 01:08:12.560
And I'm not saying that as just a kind of quick answer, but, you know, God's not asking

1166
01:08:12.560 --> 01:08:15.720
you to have to relate to everyone's story.

1167
01:08:16.640 --> 01:08:20.340
You know, what's that?

1168
01:08:20.479 --> 01:08:21.220
That hit deep.

1169
01:08:22.180 --> 01:08:22.340
Yeah.

1170
01:08:22.720 --> 01:08:30.279
I mean, I can remember back years ago in my old church, one of the ladies there, she had

1171
01:08:30.279 --> 01:08:31.060
a really good upbringing.

1172
01:08:31.399 --> 01:08:33.439
She didn't fall into a lot of sin.

1173
01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:38.140
And I remember she used to say things like, I don't feel like my testimony, and I'm not

1174
01:08:38.140 --> 01:08:40.680
saying this is the same for you, but I'm bringing this up for a reason.

1175
01:08:40.979 --> 01:08:45.080
She said, I don't feel like my testimony is as powerful as some of the people that have,

1176
01:08:45.120 --> 01:08:48.819
you know, went through all these hardships and struggle with sin and all this.

1177
01:08:48.859 --> 01:08:49.979
And I'm like, what?

1178
01:08:50.080 --> 01:08:52.380
Like your testimony is so powerful.

1179
01:08:52.479 --> 01:08:57.660
And so I think it's, it's us standing in who God has created us to be.

1180
01:08:58.380 --> 01:09:03.060
And knowing that there's so much value in that, that we are never asked to be someone

1181
01:09:03.060 --> 01:09:03.359
else.

1182
01:09:03.819 --> 01:09:09.859
And so I think even just saying, like, I'm big on like people, like even myself, if I

1183
01:09:09.859 --> 01:09:14.520
don't really know how to help someone, I'm either going to ask the Lord, please help

1184
01:09:14.520 --> 01:09:18.420
me in that moment really quick, or I'm going to say to that person, you know, especially

1185
01:09:18.420 --> 01:09:21.740
if it's like a biblical question, I'm going to say, you know what, I don't know the answer

1186
01:09:21.740 --> 01:09:24.160
to that, but I can go search it out.

1187
01:09:24.180 --> 01:09:25.260
I can talk to my husband.

1188
01:09:25.260 --> 01:09:29.359
I can, you know, go to someone that's more knowledgeable and I can come back to you.

1189
01:09:29.359 --> 01:09:33.180
And I am totally fine with that, but someone had to teach me that.

1190
01:09:33.460 --> 01:09:39.060
And so I feel like, you know, I just want you to know, you don't have to take that pressure

1191
01:09:39.080 --> 01:09:47.180
on yourself to, to have to relate to everyone's trauma, because, you know, the cool thing

1192
01:09:47.180 --> 01:09:50.660
is, is you can say, well, I, you know, I love you.

1193
01:09:50.740 --> 01:09:51.180
Thank you.

1194
01:09:51.180 --> 01:09:55.240
Maybe not to a woman, but just thank you so much for sharing, unless it's your spirit

1195
01:09:55.240 --> 01:09:55.520
mate.

1196
01:09:56.820 --> 01:09:59.240
But thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

1197
01:09:59.260 --> 01:09:59.980
While I might.

1198
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.620
not be able to resonate with that. I have this great friend who went through something

1199
01:10:05.720 --> 01:10:11.100
similar and I would love to connect you to them. If they're needing ministered, if you're

1200
01:10:11.400 --> 01:10:15.400
just trying to relate to them as a friend and get to know them, it's okay for you to

1201
01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:20.680
say, again, thank you for sharing your story with me. I might not fully resonate, but I

1202
01:10:20.680 --> 01:10:24.960
just feel honored that you would tell me that. And you don't have to feel like you even have

1203
01:10:24.960 --> 01:10:30.340
to comprehend or understand all of it. It's just in that making space that you're talking

1204
01:10:30.340 --> 01:10:35.380
about that God is helping you do in this season, I feel like this is another layer of that.

1205
01:10:35.640 --> 01:10:41.340
Making space for people isn't necessarily that we all have to understand every single

1206
01:10:41.340 --> 01:10:47.560
aspect of what that person is going through, but maybe it's just being there and being

1207
01:10:47.560 --> 01:10:52.640
a safe person that, you know, is kind to them. You know, some people in the world today,

1208
01:10:52.640 --> 01:10:57.480
you smile at them or give them a compliment and they're shocked, right? I mean, sometimes

1209
01:10:57.480 --> 01:11:02.440
it's just the simple things that matter, you know, versus all the, you know, we don't all

1210
01:11:02.440 --> 01:11:06.500
have to be deliverance ministers, if you will. Do you know what I'm saying?

1211
01:11:07.260 --> 01:11:12.420
Yeah. And, and, and I thank you for that. You, you so many heavy truths that I was trying

1212
01:11:12.420 --> 01:11:16.680
to like, I fastened my pants like a dog. So I really appreciate that. And I think for

1213
01:11:16.720 --> 01:11:22.560
me, that's, I love, I love riddles. And God's been teaching me, David, people aren't riddles.

1214
01:11:22.900 --> 01:11:27.060
And sometimes it's just like, one of the amazing things is, is I'm like, that's not my job.

1215
01:11:27.380 --> 01:11:31.540
I'm not trying to fix people. I just get to be present. And that's just been one of the

1216
01:11:31.540 --> 01:11:35.520
cool things that the heart work has taught me is, hey, you don't need to try to fix things.

1217
01:11:35.540 --> 01:11:39.880
You don't, you just let, they get to be them, you get to be you. And when it gets too heavy,

1218
01:11:40.120 --> 01:11:43.400
I'm just putting it at the foot of the cross and putting it, and sometimes that's daily,

1219
01:11:43.400 --> 01:11:49.400
but that's really been like, hey, stop, just try and figure it out. And just, they get

1220
01:11:49.400 --> 01:11:53.560
to be them. You get to be you and they get to have space. And that's the great thing

1221
01:11:53.560 --> 01:11:56.980
about the heart work is, hey, they're in the heart work. So you know what? I don't want

1222
01:11:56.980 --> 01:12:01.600
to solve everyone's problems. That's not my job. And the problem is, like, I'm a counselor,

1223
01:12:01.620 --> 01:12:07.000
right? Like I'm a trained therapist. So, and sometimes I'm like, hey, no, not my job. I'm

1224
01:12:07.000 --> 01:12:10.220
not God. This is in heaven. Don't be a jerk. That's my favorite quote.

1225
01:12:10.220 --> 01:12:15.460
You get to take your hat off as a counselor when you step out of that door, Dave. Okay.

1226
01:12:15.460 --> 01:12:21.460
So just remember that. And, you know, just keep picturing, you know, I want you to imagine

1227
01:12:21.780 --> 01:12:25.940
like sometimes when those people are telling you those stories, the enemy is trying to

1228
01:12:25.940 --> 01:12:31.760
put kind of a burden on you. And you just get to like, no, I'm not taking that on myself.

1229
01:12:31.760 --> 01:12:37.240
I'm just putting that right on the Lord. You know, and the burden to me is you feeling

1230
01:12:37.240 --> 01:12:41.140
like you have to, you know, that riddle side or that trying to figure out or understand

1231
01:12:41.380 --> 01:12:47.420
or comprehend when God has blessed you by his grace with a life where maybe you didn't

1232
01:12:47.420 --> 01:12:52.380
have to go through those things. So you don't have to try to, you know, conjure up your

1233
01:12:52.580 --> 01:12:57.060
ability to understand what that feels like for them. Yeah. And the other, just get to

1234
01:12:57.060 --> 01:13:02.400
be there and be kind to them and, you know, be a friend and all of those things. Yeah.

1235
01:13:02.400 --> 01:13:06.580
And the Christina, I think she's one of the coaches. She does the attachment theory stuff.

1236
01:13:07.900 --> 01:13:12.820
And I can't remember her last name. So I apologize. But so she, she's taught some of our men's

1237
01:13:12.820 --> 01:13:17.800
sessions in the 1822. And she said something to me that I never knew before. And it changed

1238
01:13:17.800 --> 01:13:21.580
my life. And she said, your secure attachment is a gift, but it's a gift from God. And so

1239
01:13:21.580 --> 01:13:27.380
she said, just treat it like any gift, like any spiritual gift. And so, and when I started

1240
01:13:27.380 --> 01:13:31.040
doing that, being like, oh, it's a gift. And so I was walking into spaces and I've had

1241
01:13:31.040 --> 01:13:35.160
old ladies recently come up to me and go, Oh, security. Thank you. And I'm like, what?

1242
01:13:35.160 --> 01:13:40.560
In the grocery store. And it's like, so just kind of, that's been really blessing. And that,

1243
01:13:40.740 --> 01:13:45.100
and I just, I think my parents, I was like, you guys gave me a gift. Like they both didn't have

1244
01:13:45.100 --> 01:13:50.540
secure upbringings at all. My dad was abandoned, but my dad, he literally was crying tonight when

1245
01:13:50.540 --> 01:13:55.660
he talked to me and he said, my one prayer was Lord, may I have secure sons who know you,

1246
01:13:56.120 --> 01:14:00.640
who can walk in the security of Jesus Christ. And so, yeah, my dad and I were having a prayer

1247
01:14:00.640 --> 01:14:04.800
session in the car. It's where I was freezing. And he's like, you sound like you're shivering.

1248
01:14:04.800 --> 01:14:07.360
I'm like, yes, because I'm in the car and it's cold. But yeah, thank you.

1249
01:14:08.080 --> 01:14:11.800
You're welcome, Dave. Thank you so much for sharing and thank you for telling us

1250
01:14:12.160 --> 01:14:17.820
your preference of your first name. I think that's super important. And, you know, whoever

1251
01:14:17.820 --> 01:14:23.460
told you that you should go by David, you can lovingly just kindly say to them, thank you so

1252
01:14:23.460 --> 01:14:29.160
much, but I prefer just to go by Dave and just kind of, you know, kindly shut that down because

1253
01:14:29.300 --> 01:14:34.300
you know, that's you stepping back into your authority. And so looking forward to hearing

1254
01:14:34.300 --> 01:14:38.560
what else God does in the days ahead. It sounds like he's marking you with the word security,

1255
01:14:38.820 --> 01:14:43.500
by the way, because that's why people are saying it to you. So God might even be saying something

1256
01:14:43.500 --> 01:14:52.200
else to you through that. Not only were you in a secure home, but God is kind of reinforcing you

1257
01:14:52.200 --> 01:14:57.520
in security and helping you understand. It makes me think about the scripture. You'll have to look

1258
01:14:57.520 --> 01:14:59.980
it up. But the scripture that talks about how.

1259
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.140
Um, and I'm, I'm paraphrasing, so I don't even know if it says it exactly this way,

1260
01:15:04.320 --> 01:15:09.640
but a tree, you know, with very big branches will create shade for others to

1261
01:15:09.640 --> 01:15:14.000
come up under that scripture is coming to mind for you as well.

1262
01:15:14.160 --> 01:15:16.820
So thank you so much for sharing with us, Dave.

1263
01:15:16.900 --> 01:15:20.360
And I appreciate everything that God is doing in your life.

1264
01:15:21.140 --> 01:15:22.260
Yeah, I appreciate you.

1265
01:15:22.520 --> 01:15:22.980
Thank you, Bethany.

1266
01:15:23.400 --> 01:15:24.240
My pleasure.

1267
01:15:25.620 --> 01:15:27.320
Hunter, what's going on?

1268
01:15:27.320 --> 01:15:32.880
Well, as you can see, I went last week, I, and two weeks ago, I was a week before

1269
01:15:32.880 --> 01:15:38.700
I was in Israel, I was in Greece and in Malta, and I, and I'm trying to figure

1270
01:15:38.700 --> 01:15:43.400
out what causes self-esteem, bad thoughts to come in and all I've, and all I did

1271
01:15:43.420 --> 01:15:48.440
was try to work towards it all throughout that, and everybody's all proud of me.

1272
01:15:48.440 --> 01:15:53.120
Even got a lot of likes on Facebook about it and all, and I was trying to

1273
01:15:53.120 --> 01:15:56.420
think of how can I still be unhappy about my, my singleness?

1274
01:15:56.420 --> 01:16:00.280
I, there were a couple of women I talked to, but I wasn't, I had no intention of

1275
01:16:00.560 --> 01:16:04.940
dating them, I was just honing some social skills and trying to see what can I work

1276
01:16:04.940 --> 01:16:07.940
on or anything, especially with the singles cruise coming up.

1277
01:16:08.180 --> 01:16:12.940
So I have this thing where I try to, I try, I have this goal where I want to have

1278
01:16:12.940 --> 01:16:15.560
something and be in the present so that I can enjoy it.

1279
01:16:15.840 --> 01:16:19.160
And, but then sometimes when it doesn't go my way, I don't get everything.

1280
01:16:19.200 --> 01:16:22.900
Cause I'm always one who wants the big, big prize, but I don't get it all.

1281
01:16:22.900 --> 01:16:26.940
I start throwing a tantrum, like a sore loser or someone succeeds and get more

1282
01:16:27.020 --> 01:16:29.900
rejoicing and my focus is away from them.

1283
01:16:30.080 --> 01:16:33.060
And they have what I don't have and I end up coveting them.

1284
01:16:33.100 --> 01:16:39.740
And then another part of me is I get to have what's in the, I get to focus on the

1285
01:16:39.720 --> 01:16:44.680
present, but I don't win it on trying to win it so I can look back and be happy.

1286
01:16:44.800 --> 01:16:46.160
And then I don't get it.

1287
01:16:46.400 --> 01:16:51.520
This whole STEM started from when I was in school and they taught me about homework.

1288
01:16:51.520 --> 01:16:53.660
Now do your homework when it's due.

1289
01:16:54.120 --> 01:16:57.600
When I got home, I wanted to play video games and computer.

1290
01:16:57.720 --> 01:17:01.040
And my parents took it away from me and said, no, you're doing your homework.

1291
01:17:01.420 --> 01:17:03.540
Basically a form of doing it right now.

1292
01:17:03.700 --> 01:17:04.660
I didn't have no homework.

1293
01:17:05.260 --> 01:17:06.340
Go study for the test.

1294
01:17:06.460 --> 01:17:08.660
Basically being in now, that's where it all started.

1295
01:17:09.200 --> 01:17:12.540
So I started drilling it into me all the way in high school.

1296
01:17:13.280 --> 01:17:16.760
And then it, all this, all this is, is I'm trying to figure out what

1297
01:17:16.760 --> 01:17:18.340
would I do to make others happy?

1298
01:17:18.340 --> 01:17:24.500
Like, all I know is that it, I got this stuff and paying for my own trips and

1299
01:17:24.500 --> 01:17:29.020
organizing my finances, getting my, and these goals singing like this.

1300
01:17:29.040 --> 01:17:31.100
And I got goal oriented middle school.

1301
01:17:31.180 --> 01:17:37.120
It just adapted me to developing habits and maturity, even get, even, even get

1302
01:17:37.120 --> 01:17:42.100
sent to the principal's office multiple times and shoot out if I had what it takes.

1303
01:17:42.100 --> 01:17:47.380
Then high school, I got goal oriented and think about our wrestling coach.

1304
01:17:47.380 --> 01:17:49.900
When we, when I wrestled in high school, it says, think of a goal.

1305
01:17:50.060 --> 01:17:53.400
And we all are not the captains came to us saying what we want to do.

1306
01:17:53.600 --> 01:17:56.040
And we want to build up and progress and get better and better,

1307
01:17:56.340 --> 01:17:57.260
better, that sort of stuff.

1308
01:17:57.360 --> 01:18:01.600
So I build on that after I graduated high school and I develop these habits.

1309
01:18:01.820 --> 01:18:05.240
So I'm trying to think, what can I do to build up my self-esteem more?

1310
01:18:05.260 --> 01:18:09.680
Because all these habits, it's like all my self-esteem reflects on what I can do

1311
01:18:09.680 --> 01:18:11.300
with this and make the most of my life.

1312
01:18:11.780 --> 01:18:12.140
Right.

1313
01:18:12.420 --> 01:18:15.900
Well, I think Hunter, this is, I feel like this is kind of, we're circling

1314
01:18:15.900 --> 01:18:22.140
back to the core here where God is trying to help you heal in this area of holding

1315
01:18:22.140 --> 01:18:23.960
yourself to a really harsh standard.

1316
01:18:24.400 --> 01:18:28.380
I think, I mean, even hearing about as many times as, you know, I've coached

1317
01:18:28.380 --> 01:18:31.820
and helped with when you've shared, I don't know that I've ever heard that

1318
01:18:31.820 --> 01:18:34.660
part of the story about when your parents, you know, would make you do

1319
01:18:34.660 --> 01:18:36.040
homework, even when you didn't have homework.

1320
01:18:36.700 --> 01:18:37.980
And so my question,

1321
01:18:38.100 --> 01:18:41.900
Or make you go outside and play when on a nice sunny day, not because they

1322
01:18:42.000 --> 01:18:46.080
would rather have me do that than lounge on the couch, watching TV, playing video games and fight over it.

1323
01:18:46.080 --> 01:18:46.940
Well, that probably was good for you.

1324
01:18:47.160 --> 01:18:50.200
That, that part was probably a little good for you.

1325
01:18:50.360 --> 01:18:52.880
And they guilt ridded me to do it even until adulthood.

1326
01:18:53.020 --> 01:18:55.340
Not the guilt, not the guilt, but I'm just saying.

1327
01:18:56.020 --> 01:19:00.500
Um, so I think what's important is I just, I don't know if I know this answer.

1328
01:19:00.800 --> 01:19:05.200
Have you ever done the forgiveness prayer sheets to forgive your parents for that stuff?

1329
01:19:05.620 --> 01:19:07.020
No, well, they didn't forgive.

1330
01:19:07.100 --> 01:19:09.520
Well, it's actually the babysitter that actually did it, not them.

1331
01:19:09.540 --> 01:19:11.160
They just want me to succeed in school.

1332
01:19:11.160 --> 01:19:16.920
So the babysitter, did you ever do a forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive the babysitter then?

1333
01:19:17.720 --> 01:19:20.780
No, but I did hear back from Facebook on my 37th birthday.

1334
01:19:20.800 --> 01:19:21.140
Okay.

1335
01:19:21.140 --> 01:19:23.780
We're talking about, we're talking about forgiveness prayer sheet right now.

1336
01:19:23.780 --> 01:19:24.180
Okay.

1337
01:19:24.740 --> 01:19:30.540
So if you haven't done a forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive those people that were making you,

1338
01:19:30.540 --> 01:19:34.000
you know, kind of where you feel like they were forcing, because what I heard you saying

1339
01:19:34.280 --> 01:19:40.220
is that the root goes back to this stuff where they were forcing you to do homework when you

1340
01:19:40.220 --> 01:19:44.160
didn't even have homework and that that's at the core of you have feeling like you have to

1341
01:19:44.160 --> 01:19:45.500
strive to keep doing things.

1342
01:19:46.340 --> 01:19:53.460
And so forgiving the people that, you know, you have offense towards or maybe resentment

1343
01:19:53.460 --> 01:19:58.740
towards for doing that is going to be a really big piece of you moving forward.

1344
01:19:58.860 --> 01:19:59.980
You know, we.

1345
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.620
a lot of times, you all, we don't realize unforgiveness literally keeps us tethered to stuff.

1346
01:20:05.740 --> 01:20:10.880
If you don't want to be bound to something anymore, you need to forgive that person, those

1347
01:20:11.420 --> 01:20:17.860
things, and allow God to create that separation, so that you can move forward into healing and

1348
01:20:17.820 --> 01:20:23.560
fullness. And so I want to encourage you this week, Hunter. You know, you go into that

1349
01:20:23.560 --> 01:20:30.140
heart recourse, the forgiveness prayer sheet is in week four, print that out. And I want you to

1350
01:20:30.140 --> 01:20:34.580
pray. And I want you to ask the Lord to help you forgive those people. And I want you to fill that

1351
01:20:34.580 --> 01:20:39.240
out. And then I would love for you to take a picture of it and post it in the men's group,

1352
01:20:39.360 --> 01:20:46.320
so that I can see that you did it. Okay. All right, do it right. Go get the get the book and

1353
01:20:46.320 --> 01:20:51.880
read the whole unforgiveness and write it all down. Well, no. So the forgiveness prayer sheet

1354
01:20:52.520 --> 01:20:58.960
is when you go into the heart recourse, and you go into week four, there's a worksheet.

1355
01:20:59.860 --> 01:21:05.240
You're just going to print off a one page worksheet. And you're going to do the prayer

1356
01:21:05.240 --> 01:21:09.080
that's on the worksheet. And you're going to fill that out. And you're going to pray to forgive

1357
01:21:09.080 --> 01:21:15.320
those people. But reading the heart workbook chapters on forgiveness might not be a bad idea

1358
01:21:15.320 --> 01:21:21.060
as well. But what I was talking about is just that worksheet. Do you know where to find it?

1359
01:21:21.060 --> 01:21:24.660
Do you understand? No, it's an 1822 men's

1360
01:21:25.300 --> 01:21:32.020
in the app in the app when you go in the men's app group. Yep. And you go under the

1361
01:21:34.380 --> 01:21:39.780
URLs might be training, but courses is training or courses, whatever tab URLs is called.

1362
01:21:40.720 --> 01:21:44.260
If I had it up and right in front of me, I would tell you I see the course is men's

1363
01:21:44.260 --> 01:21:50.020
heart work course, right? Yep. Yep. You go in there. And then in the men's heart recourse,

1364
01:21:50.020 --> 01:21:54.820
you're going to go into week four. Oh, yeah, I see a forgiveness and prayer and then

1365
01:21:55.640 --> 01:21:59.660
download it. And then and then you can and then print it out and then print it out,

1366
01:21:59.680 --> 01:22:03.500
just print that out. And then you're going to you're going to pray and you're going to forgive

1367
01:22:03.500 --> 01:22:08.160
those people. And you're going to fill that sheet out as you're doing that and processing forgiving

1368
01:22:08.260 --> 01:22:13.620
them. And then yeah, and then you're going to start to move forward. But I would encourage

1369
01:22:13.620 --> 01:22:18.360
you to also read the forgiveness chapters in the ebook as well and just revisit that.

1370
01:22:18.360 --> 01:22:23.780
So appreciate you so much for sharing that with us. Another thing too, is that I even

1371
01:22:23.780 --> 01:22:28.600
tried to accept a goal saying I want to date someone and I can't make it happen. And when

1372
01:22:28.600 --> 01:22:33.880
I can't make it happen, I get I get all bent out of shape and bitter and then I start starting

1373
01:22:33.880 --> 01:22:38.880
getting hostile to these guys who are married and hopefully let's do harm to them and see how they

1374
01:22:38.940 --> 01:22:44.840
feel. But and I thinking what's the cure to that? Like, I know I want it. It's true. It's all about

1375
01:22:44.840 --> 01:22:50.680
your heart. It's what's going on in your heart, Hunter. So when we have thoughts like I want to

1376
01:22:50.680 --> 01:22:55.580
do something to harm someone because they have success in something, that's something in us that

1377
01:22:55.580 --> 01:23:03.840
God needs to heal, which typically is a root of envy and jealousy. And so we need to make sure

1378
01:23:03.840 --> 01:23:08.800
that we're, you know, sometimes you might even need to forgive yourself. I'm not sure, you know,

1379
01:23:08.800 --> 01:23:14.200
this is where praying and asking the Lord, who do you need to forgive is going to be a big part of

1380
01:23:14.200 --> 01:23:20.000
this. If you need to forgive yourself for whatever in the past that's keeping you stuck now regarding

1381
01:23:19.980 --> 01:23:25.660
women. I mean, that's going to be a part of it. Forgive yourself for getting angry with these men,

1382
01:23:26.900 --> 01:23:31.720
but really keeping control of your heart and the things that you're thinking about,

1383
01:23:31.820 --> 01:23:37.180
which is what I talked about tonight. Sounds like it's going to be really helpful for you, too.

1384
01:23:37.600 --> 01:23:42.380
And another thing, too, is that. OK, one more thing, and then I'm going to go to Tiffany, OK?

1385
01:23:43.020 --> 01:23:48.120
Another thing is, is how what can I do to build self-esteem? It's like all these things I'm doing

1386
01:23:48.120 --> 01:23:54.140
for myself that with personal growth, everyone's praising me and very proud of me to the point where

1387
01:23:54.140 --> 01:24:00.600
myself, I make myself seem depend on on that because it's built on people being proud of what

1388
01:24:00.600 --> 01:24:09.480
I do. Yeah, self-esteem genuinely comes. So when it's lasting, that means it doesn't go away really

1389
01:24:09.480 --> 01:24:16.300
quickly. And it's not because of a title we have or something we accomplish when we're really

1390
01:24:16.300 --> 01:24:24.220
secure in the Lord and who we are in him. We like we know his love for us. Do I have your attention

1391
01:24:24.220 --> 01:24:30.500
card on her? Yeah. OK, I just want to make sure. So when we are rooted in his love, that's going

1392
01:24:30.500 --> 01:24:35.560
to be the thing that's going to change that security in him where you're not going to need

1393
01:24:35.560 --> 01:24:41.560
to try to, you know, get people's attention by things you accomplish. So self-esteem comes

1394
01:24:41.560 --> 01:24:46.520
from security in Christ, and that comes from knowing the love of the father, the love of God

1395
01:24:46.520 --> 01:24:56.180
for you. All right. OK, so it's it's praying you all. It's it's literally I mean, I I pray still

1396
01:24:56.180 --> 01:24:59.980
even today all the time. God, help me to understand who you are as love.

1397
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.920
of more and more. I want to be literally so full of the understanding of who He is as

1398
01:25:06.920 --> 01:25:15.640
love to me that I can be rooted in that no matter what comes my way. And so I would give

1399
01:25:15.640 --> 01:25:22.360
that to all of you in that regard. If you're struggling with what He was talking about

1400
01:25:22.360 --> 01:25:27.800
there and being secure or insecure or however that's showing up for you, knowing God's love

1401
01:25:27.800 --> 01:25:32.780
for you is the game changer. And for so many, you know, we come into the body of Christ

1402
01:25:32.780 --> 01:25:35.820
and we've been in church, some of us a long time, and we're like, yeah, I know the love

1403
01:25:35.820 --> 01:25:40.720
of God. I know. I get it. I get it. And you get frustrated with people like me who just

1404
01:25:40.720 --> 01:25:49.040
keep talking about it. But at the core, so many of us actually don't really know the

1405
01:25:49.780 --> 01:25:57.200
love. We know of the love because the church tells us, the Bible tells us, but knowing

1406
01:25:57.200 --> 01:26:05.120
the love in here, like deep in here, that's where the change comes. That's where transformation

1407
01:26:05.120 --> 01:26:09.960
is going to happen. Thank you so much for sharing, Hunter. Tiffany, go ahead.

1408
01:26:11.440 --> 01:26:27.180
Hi. So we were wondering what I can do to help protect my heart from my husband. I've

1409
01:26:27.180 --> 01:26:37.480
heard that he is constantly making selfish decisions and he lives 45 minutes away and

1410
01:26:37.480 --> 01:26:45.320
he doesn't want to drive that far to come visit her. So for instance, last year he saw her

1411
01:26:45.320 --> 01:26:55.960
three times. And two of those times were only for like three hours. So how do I protect

1412
01:26:55.960 --> 01:27:06.420
my heart from the constant things that he's doing mostly to my child? How do I handle that?

1413
01:27:07.800 --> 01:27:12.480
Well, so I've been through this in a different way because my spiritual daughter's dad and

1414
01:27:12.480 --> 01:27:17.400
their mom, their biological mom, do things literally all the time that hurt them. And

1415
01:27:17.400 --> 01:27:23.700
they're adults now, but it's been going on for years and years and years. The way that

1416
01:27:23.700 --> 01:27:29.300
you guard your heart is you continue to forgive and you continue to release that to the Lord.

1417
01:27:29.940 --> 01:27:35.280
You trust the Lord with your daughter, understanding that God loves her more than you do,

1418
01:27:35.360 --> 01:27:43.840
if you can fathom that. And that he will cover her. He will heal any wounds that come from her

1419
01:27:43.840 --> 01:27:50.440
dad not being in her life, not showing up, whatever the aspects are. And realizing that

1420
01:27:50.440 --> 01:27:55.620
while we want to be the one that protects them from everything and we do our best to do that,

1421
01:27:55.720 --> 01:28:02.460
it's really God's job. We partner with him in that. But it's kind of like what I was saying

1422
01:28:02.820 --> 01:28:09.600
to Dave, just in a different way, where we understand that we can put the weight of that

1423
01:28:09.600 --> 01:28:16.760
onto the Lord versus us having to carry and feel responsible for that other person or

1424
01:28:16.760 --> 01:28:24.880
whatever that dynamic is. And so the Bible says 70 times 7. And basically what that's saying is

1425
01:28:24.880 --> 01:28:29.740
we need to always be willing to forgive. Does that mean you need to just allow him to make

1426
01:28:29.740 --> 01:28:34.900
whatever whimsical choice he wants to make and have no boundaries? No, that's not what that

1427
01:28:34.580 --> 01:28:42.020
means. And so maybe for you, it's not trying to make him be a dad and just letting him make

1428
01:28:42.020 --> 01:28:47.460
a decision. Unfortunately, either way right now, it's hurting your daughter.

1429
01:28:48.140 --> 01:28:53.140
Because if he's showing up and he feels forced or something, then that's going to be translated

1430
01:28:53.580 --> 01:29:00.460
through to her. You know what I'm saying? Really just surrendering him completely to the Lord and

1431
01:29:00.460 --> 01:29:07.860
not trying to create the outcome that you want for her. And I know that's really hard. That's not an

1432
01:29:08.080 --> 01:29:14.460
easy thing to surrender the outcome. And I'll just say even from the flip side, I was one of those

1433
01:29:14.460 --> 01:29:21.100
kids who always wanted my dad to be a dad. And for years, I chased after him to try to convince him

1434
01:29:21.100 --> 01:29:27.400
to want to show up, even getting angry at him and trying to tell him how much he was hurting me.

1435
01:29:27.660 --> 01:29:34.740
And nothing mattered. He never showed up. Literally, he's no longer alive now. My dad,

1436
01:29:34.740 --> 01:29:40.260
you know, long into his well-aged years, didn't even know when my birthday was.

1437
01:29:41.920 --> 01:29:50.260
Okay. And so I'm saying that to you to say, was that hard? 100%. But you know what?

1438
01:29:50.960 --> 01:29:58.280
It's made me who I am. And I help a lot of people now. And I'm able to help them in ways that some

1439
01:29:58.280 --> 01:29:59.980
other people can't because of what I'm

1440
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.760
been through and I wish that it was different for your daughter and I hope that your ex turns around.

1441
01:30:04.960 --> 01:30:09.960
I hope that he, you know, has a come to Jesus moment where God really gets a hold of his heart

1442
01:30:09.960 --> 01:30:15.980
and shows him what a true father looks like. But for you to be able to move forward because you are

1443
01:30:15.980 --> 01:30:21.640
the only person that you can, in a sense, control. But we know that God is really the only one,

1444
01:30:22.040 --> 01:30:27.540
you know, that's in control. But you can only take care of you. You can only make the decisions that

1445
01:30:27.540 --> 01:30:32.980
are best for you to be healthy and your daughter. And so my question for you is,

1446
01:30:34.700 --> 01:30:40.960
what boundary do you need to put in place in the next week to help you become healthier in this

1447
01:30:40.560 --> 01:30:53.580
dynamic? Right. It's hard for me to not have those conversations in your head with him.

1448
01:30:53.580 --> 01:31:00.720
Yeah. So once that starts, it's really, really hard to stop my brain from continuing in the

1449
01:31:00.800 --> 01:31:05.540
conversation, even though I tell myself that, you know, it's not healthy. It's not going to help.

1450
01:31:05.660 --> 01:31:14.280
This is not how it would go anyway. Yeah. You know. So let me ask you this. If you didn't

1451
01:31:14.620 --> 01:31:20.200
pursue him to try to convince him to come see her, what would he do?

1452
01:31:22.120 --> 01:31:30.720
That's basically what I've done over the past year. I know. Yeah. I mean, I did for a long time,

1453
01:31:30.900 --> 01:31:36.260
ever since she was like, really little, like when he decided to go to Texas,

1454
01:31:36.420 --> 01:31:48.260
because he just couldn't handle it in Seattle. But he's not happy with me. So I know that if I

1455
01:31:48.260 --> 01:31:55.600
to talk to him about it, it's going to have the opposite effect. So I did recently try to ask his

1456
01:31:56.180 --> 01:32:02.500
mom because she's been able to convince him. But apparently right now, it's not going to.

1457
01:32:02.800 --> 01:32:09.080
When you say he's not happy with you, I mean, is that impacting his ability to see your daughter?

1458
01:32:10.120 --> 01:32:16.580
No, no, no. Just over the summer. So he hasn't like actively seen her in like a year and a half.

1459
01:32:16.580 --> 01:32:23.600
But over the summer, she's 19. But she is autistic. And I've been having to work like three

1460
01:32:23.420 --> 01:32:31.240
jobs. And I'm thinking, you know, she still can't be on her own. She still needs support. And I

1461
01:32:31.240 --> 01:32:39.020
shouldn't have to be the only person who supports her. So I ended up asking for help. And so now

1462
01:32:39.020 --> 01:32:43.640
I'm getting child support again. Okay, so he's really not happy.

1463
01:32:43.640 --> 01:32:47.060
That's okay. He can be not happy. That's all right.

1464
01:32:47.120 --> 01:32:51.820
At least I don't have to work so much. I'm actually able to spend time with her because

1465
01:32:51.820 --> 01:32:58.460
it was really, really hard for her when I was gone, like all day. So that is better. Thank you.

1466
01:32:58.820 --> 01:33:05.000
All right. So so your question tonight was how do you continue to exist in forgiving him and

1467
01:33:05.000 --> 01:33:07.640
not getting caught up in that? Did I answer your question?

1468
01:33:08.600 --> 01:33:17.220
I think so. I mean, it's, yeah, I would just like to be able to stop the conversations that I have

1469
01:33:17.220 --> 01:33:23.820
in my head, you know, with him and try to, you know, you're saying you're not even necessarily

1470
01:33:23.820 --> 01:33:28.560
always talk talking to him. These are just conversations you're having in your head.

1471
01:33:28.620 --> 01:33:33.360
That's what I hear you saying. Yeah. And it's just it's just hurting my heart a lot. So I

1472
01:33:34.080 --> 01:33:40.500
Yeah, one of the things that stood out to me is you said, I can't control the thoughts that are

1473
01:33:40.500 --> 01:33:46.720
going on in my head. Like, I can't make them stop. And I think that's part of the victim mentality.

1474
01:33:47.740 --> 01:33:55.820
That I was talking about earlier, when we partner with I can't do it. I have no control over this.

1475
01:33:56.080 --> 01:34:00.360
That's us saying we're helpless in this situation. But you're not helpless,

1476
01:34:00.360 --> 01:34:07.200
because God has equipped you with tools, including the armor of God that help you and enable you the

1477
01:34:07.200 --> 01:34:12.940
Holy Spirit who raised Jesus Christ from the dead is living in you if you're a believer of Jesus

1478
01:34:12.940 --> 01:34:19.400
Christ, and that that spirit can enable you and empower you to get a hold of your thoughts. And

1479
01:34:19.400 --> 01:34:25.140
I'm not saying it's easy. Okay. I used to really get so frustrated with the girl's dad that I would

1480
01:34:25.140 --> 01:34:29.600
just think on it and think on it and think of it. What are you done and how upset I was. And then

1481
01:34:29.600 --> 01:34:35.660
one day God just started teaching me how to like, I can be upset for them and I can love them and I

1482
01:34:35.660 --> 01:34:40.660
can want better for them. But I just I had to choose that I just could not give that real

1483
01:34:40.660 --> 01:34:48.880
estate of my heart to that person over and over and over again anymore. Do you see and so I feel

1484
01:34:48.880 --> 01:34:53.200
like that's kind of the enemy's trap. He's just trying to get you to keep like, I talked about

1485
01:34:53.200 --> 01:34:57.200
the rumination earlier, it's very similar, what you're saying where you're just thinking on

1486
01:34:57.240 --> 01:34:59.900
something and thinking on and thinking, but partnering

1487
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.420
with, I can't control this, is kind of at the crux here for you.

1488
01:35:04.420 --> 01:35:08.540
So I need you to come out of alignment with that lie, because that's not truth.

1489
01:35:09.220 --> 01:35:14.440
Because God enables you, the Bible says that we can take every thought captive,

1490
01:35:15.060 --> 01:35:19.160
all of us, and make every thought captive to the obedience of

1491
01:35:19.160 --> 01:35:20.540
Jesus Christ and his truth.

1492
01:35:21.800 --> 01:35:27.960
And so you have to partner with the authority that God has given you to

1493
01:35:27.960 --> 01:35:29.740
tread upon serpents, my friend.

1494
01:35:30.500 --> 01:35:36.300
This is your serpent, if you will, you know, and so it's, you know, for me, I

1495
01:35:36.300 --> 01:35:40.220
had to get out my Bible and read the scripture out loud when I would start

1496
01:35:40.340 --> 01:35:42.120
having, you know, fearful thoughts.

1497
01:35:42.360 --> 01:35:46.160
And I mean, I, you just have to activate the word, you have to partner with it

1498
01:35:46.160 --> 01:35:50.860
and you have to, you know, the, the darkness isn't going to stay when you

1499
01:35:50.860 --> 01:35:53.980
start quoting scripture and you start worshiping and stuff, like literally

1500
01:35:53.980 --> 01:35:55.680
the enemy is like, I'm out of here.

1501
01:35:55.680 --> 01:36:00.020
And I'm not saying it's always that easy, but like when we start reading

1502
01:36:00.020 --> 01:36:06.080
the word and doing all that, like, I mean, he just, it shuts all that darkness down.

1503
01:36:07.300 --> 01:36:11.220
So when you're having a really hard time getting control of your mind, you need to

1504
01:36:11.220 --> 01:36:16.220
start speaking out of your mouth, the truth of God's word, because as soon as

1505
01:36:16.220 --> 01:36:19.560
you start speaking out with your mouth, it's going to shut the thoughts

1506
01:36:19.560 --> 01:36:21.560
down up here that are going on.

1507
01:36:22.860 --> 01:36:23.300
Yeah.

1508
01:36:23.480 --> 01:36:28.440
And so, you know, just like I'm saying, everybody, we really can't sit and wait,

1509
01:36:28.760 --> 01:36:33.000
you know, just like Jackie's telling you guys all the time, all of us, myself

1510
01:36:33.000 --> 01:36:37.060
included, which is thankfully what was able, enabled me to step into my

1511
01:36:37.060 --> 01:36:37.820
relationship with my husband.

1512
01:36:37.820 --> 01:36:41.780
But like, you know, we have to partner with God in this stuff.

1513
01:36:42.680 --> 01:36:47.160
And when we check out and we say, I just can't do it, I just, I'm not able, I have

1514
01:36:47.160 --> 01:36:51.160
no, and you all, I'll tell you what the enemy, he loves to cause us to feel

1515
01:36:51.160 --> 01:36:53.760
powerless and like, we're just too tired.

1516
01:36:53.920 --> 01:36:56.040
I just don't have the energy to do this anymore.

1517
01:36:56.240 --> 01:37:00.320
And sometimes that is how I feel too, not about the spirit made

1518
01:37:00.320 --> 01:37:01.600
anymore, but about other things.

1519
01:37:02.220 --> 01:37:06.620
But if I partner with that, then I come out of agreement with victory.

1520
01:37:07.860 --> 01:37:10.820
So I can grieve just like Jackie's talking to us.

1521
01:37:10.820 --> 01:37:15.120
I can pause and I can grieve that something isn't the way that I wanted

1522
01:37:15.120 --> 01:37:18.520
it to be, and then I can move on.

1523
01:37:20.260 --> 01:37:24.040
So some of you, again, go back and revisit Supernatural Saturday.

1524
01:37:24.200 --> 01:37:26.080
If you haven't heard it, it will help you.

1525
01:37:26.460 --> 01:37:29.240
I am going to take Crystal Perry and then we're going to close down for the night.

1526
01:37:29.500 --> 01:37:31.300
For anyone, I know we're at nine 30.

1527
01:37:31.400 --> 01:37:34.480
I try to end right on time, but I do want to go ahead and honor.

1528
01:37:34.740 --> 01:37:36.660
She's had her hand up for a while.

1529
01:37:45.280 --> 01:37:46.220
Oh, sorry, Bethany.

1530
01:37:46.220 --> 01:37:46.700
It's okay.

1531
01:37:46.700 --> 01:37:48.100
You can go ahead and end the night.

1532
01:37:48.100 --> 01:37:48.500
It's okay.

1533
01:37:49.300 --> 01:37:50.100
No, literally.

1534
01:37:50.380 --> 01:37:51.500
Do you want to ask a question?

1535
01:37:52.780 --> 01:37:56.240
Well, I feel like it might be a little bit drawn out, but maybe short.

1536
01:37:56.380 --> 01:37:56.800
I don't know.

1537
01:37:57.100 --> 01:37:57.660
So it's okay.

1538
01:37:58.520 --> 01:37:59.360
Just go ahead.

1539
01:37:59.360 --> 01:38:00.300
I'm giving you permission.

1540
01:38:00.940 --> 01:38:01.240
Okay.

1541
01:38:01.320 --> 01:38:05.420
I was kind of going to come around because I was going to ask, like, you know, I

1542
01:38:05.420 --> 01:38:10.120
mean, I started the fostering, um, and then someone had said to me, you know,

1543
01:38:10.140 --> 01:38:12.020
like, oh, you know, your dreams coming true.

1544
01:38:12.020 --> 01:38:12.360
Right.

1545
01:38:12.400 --> 01:38:14.500
Because, you know, I've always wanted to have kids.

1546
01:38:14.580 --> 01:38:14.740
Right.

1547
01:38:14.740 --> 01:38:18.040
Like, you know, like I feel like not, I feel like I know the other parts of my

1548
01:38:18.040 --> 01:38:21.940
life are really put together, like my finances and my job and, you know, other

1549
01:38:22.040 --> 01:38:23.180
things, things like that.

1550
01:38:23.200 --> 01:38:28.420
And then I, you know, did a lot of, you know, after the couple with the ex

1551
01:38:28.420 --> 01:38:30.960
fiance and stuff, did a lot of hard work and stuff, you know, and they're like,

1552
01:38:30.980 --> 01:38:31.840
your dreams are coming true.

1553
01:38:31.880 --> 01:38:35.540
But then, um, you know, I have a friend and I'm probably going to say it's a

1554
01:38:35.920 --> 01:38:37.440
situationship that I need to handle with.

1555
01:38:37.580 --> 01:38:40.500
But anyways, he said to me, he's like, you know, cause we were talking about it

1556
01:38:40.500 --> 01:38:42.020
and he was like, no, your dreams aren't coming true.

1557
01:38:42.080 --> 01:38:45.040
He was like, you know, he goes, you want to be married?

1558
01:38:45.100 --> 01:38:46.860
He was like, you want to have kids of your own?

1559
01:38:46.860 --> 01:38:50.760
He was like, so don't let them, don't let other people tell you that your

1560
01:38:50.760 --> 01:38:51.940
dreams are coming true.

1561
01:38:52.940 --> 01:38:58.060
Um, so I mean, like, it's going to be coming around a year here and I actually

1562
01:38:58.060 --> 01:38:59.820
haven't gone on a date yet.

1563
01:39:00.960 --> 01:39:02.120
Um, and that's okay.

1564
01:39:02.220 --> 01:39:03.060
It is okay.

1565
01:39:06.200 --> 01:39:09.760
So I just, I'm like, should I go back to Harvard?

1566
01:39:09.880 --> 01:39:11.600
Should I go back to the second part?

1567
01:39:11.660 --> 01:39:15.540
You know, I kind of feel I'm like, you know, I got into the, you know, the

1568
01:39:15.540 --> 01:39:16.780
fostering is a situation.

1569
01:39:17.280 --> 01:39:21.080
So, I mean, you know, it's kind of like everybody thinks, you know, you, you know,

1570
01:39:21.080 --> 01:39:24.020
about everything, but it's kind of like a Hank situation, you know, you think, oh,

1571
01:39:24.020 --> 01:39:26.400
I want to have kids, but like, then you forget, like, you know, you're going to

1572
01:39:26.400 --> 01:39:29.040
be up every three hours, you know, and then you're not going to get any sleep

1573
01:39:29.040 --> 01:39:30.920
and you're going to need to take a nap in the middle of the day.

1574
01:39:31.280 --> 01:39:34.480
And, you know, all the things that you used to do that were just easy to do.

1575
01:39:34.480 --> 01:39:38.960
Now you have somebody to drag along with you, um, even when they're not yours.

1576
01:39:40.020 --> 01:39:43.840
So, um, you know, and then I had, you know, God, I felt like I got a word from

1577
01:39:43.840 --> 01:39:48.600
the Lord that because, you know, when, like in the past for me, like in

1578
01:39:48.640 --> 01:39:51.160
relationships, like a lot of men have said, like, you know, yeah, I want to get

1579
01:39:51.160 --> 01:39:55.320
married and have kids, but then we get down to it or get close or whatever.

1580
01:39:55.320 --> 01:39:57.720
And then it's like, it's this change in heart.

1581
01:39:58.000 --> 01:39:59.980
So I feel like the Lord kind of gave me.

1582
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.280
word because I was like, you know, should I be fostering? Should I, you know, what should I be

1583
01:40:03.280 --> 01:40:07.240
doing? And I feel like the Lord has said to me, you know, because when the men see that I'm like

1584
01:40:07.240 --> 01:40:12.140
a strong businesswoman and stuff like that, like they, you know, that attracts a different type of

1585
01:40:12.360 --> 01:40:17.240
person. And he was like, with this fostering, he was like, you know, you'll know this person. He

1586
01:40:17.240 --> 01:40:20.900
was like, they're not going to be able to pretend and they're not like, this is not going to be a,

1587
01:40:20.900 --> 01:40:25.140
you know, say one thing changed to the next thing type of person. He was like this,

1588
01:40:25.360 --> 01:40:28.880
you know, because this is there and this is real. And he was like, you'll know them by that.

1589
01:40:29.440 --> 01:40:33.300
But I guess, I guess, I don't know. I feel a little stuck or, you know, kind of not knowing

1590
01:40:33.300 --> 01:40:38.840
what to do or, you know, right now, I guess. Are you feeling stuck because you feel like you

1591
01:40:38.840 --> 01:40:44.420
should be further along in dating than you are? What's causing you to actually feel stuck?

1592
01:40:50.680 --> 01:40:58.860
That's a good question. Okay. So that's what we need to uncover. So that's what you need the

1593
01:40:58.860 --> 01:41:05.000
I think, you know, for me, just hearing you talk, I feel like you've been on a good progression of

1594
01:41:04.940 --> 01:41:09.560
healing. You're stepping into while yes, you do want your own children. This is still a part of

1595
01:41:09.560 --> 01:41:15.680
you partnering with that. And so I feel like you are continuing to heal and grow. And, you know,

1596
01:41:16.640 --> 01:41:22.680
I will tell you all, I didn't date right away after I came out of what was called boot camp

1597
01:41:22.680 --> 01:41:27.400
back then. And I knew that I needed to wait because of all the abusive stuff that I had

1598
01:41:27.400 --> 01:41:34.200
through. I was still kind of unraveling all of that stuff. And so I didn't want to carry that

1599
01:41:34.200 --> 01:41:40.160
into another relationship again. And so I just gave myself permission to trust the Holy Spirit.

1600
01:41:40.440 --> 01:41:46.540
Now, I will tell you that there did come a day when Jackie Dorman came a calling, and she's like,

1601
01:41:46.580 --> 01:41:53.420
it's time, Bethany, it's time. And we had that conversation a couple times. And by the second

1602
01:41:53.420 --> 01:41:57.720
or third time, I don't even remember, I finally was like, you know what, you're right, God's been

1603
01:41:57.720 --> 01:42:03.940
talking to me too. And so but like, you know, really leaning into what the Holy Spirit is doing

1604
01:42:03.940 --> 01:42:11.020
in your life right now, and trusting that process. And so ask the Lord to reveal, like, what is

1605
01:42:11.020 --> 01:42:16.980
actually like, where do you actually feel stuck? Or is it just people's opinions? Or you comparing

1606
01:42:16.980 --> 01:42:22.800
yourself to other people that's causing you to believe that you're stuck? Okay. And then when

1607
01:42:22.800 --> 01:42:27.960
you get to the kind of the root of that, then come in the group and myself or one of the team can

1608
01:42:27.960 --> 01:42:33.920
kind of help you continue to process that out. I think maybe, and maybe I asked, like, oh,

1609
01:42:33.920 --> 01:42:39.080
maybe should I go back to Harvard or whatever, because it's not maybe stuck, but maybe like,

1610
01:42:39.080 --> 01:42:42.040
I don't know, it's kind of like, I always think my business trainer or, you know, at church, they say,

1611
01:42:42.060 --> 01:42:45.420
like, always go back and find Jesus where you left him or like, you know, follow directions or what

1612
01:42:45.420 --> 01:42:49.740
like that. And I came through the hard work, like, super strong, but because I was still dealing with

1613
01:42:50.680 --> 01:42:56.960
the still dealing with the the ex who was, you know, causing all kinds of couples, you know,

1614
01:42:57.080 --> 01:43:02.480
maybe I didn't take all the steps that were needed in step two, and maybe I feel stuck not to know

1615
01:43:02.580 --> 01:43:06.720
what step is to take, they actually didn't, you know, fall through and take all those steps,

1616
01:43:06.720 --> 01:43:10.580
like, you know, where you're supposed to take seven dates, you know, like, I mean, I went through the

1617
01:43:10.580 --> 01:43:14.640
program. I mean, it's not like I didn't do it, I went through all the material, but I did it,

1618
01:43:14.680 --> 01:43:17.920
but he didn't do it. You know what I mean? I understand what you're saying. So here's the

1619
01:43:18.480 --> 01:43:25.480
you have the capability to go and watch those heartwork videos at any time. It's in your it's

1620
01:43:25.480 --> 01:43:32.240
in your tab under courses. I don't necessarily think that every person when we feel stuck has

1621
01:43:32.240 --> 01:43:37.700
to go all the way back and redo heartwork. Now I will tell you that sometimes and you guys have

1622
01:43:37.700 --> 01:43:43.360
probably heard me say this before. Sometimes when we go through heartwork, what we're processing is

1623
01:43:43.360 --> 01:43:50.800
so extreme in that season, that we can only we only have so much capacity to process in that

1624
01:43:50.800 --> 01:43:55.900
moment. Okay. And so then when we go back through the heartwork, again, we may have additional

1625
01:43:55.900 --> 01:44:02.680
things revealed that we did not see or know in the first time around, because we didn't have the

1626
01:44:02.680 --> 01:44:08.420
capacity the first time. And so I'm not saying that you shouldn't, I'm just saying that you can

1627
01:44:08.420 --> 01:44:14.560
go in and watch those videos. You can, you know, watch some of the replays and things that are I

1628
01:44:14.560 --> 01:44:19.900
think you guys have replays in there, but you can go back and read the book at any time. And I think

1629
01:44:19.900 --> 01:44:27.640
that that will help you just as much. So go ahead and pray about that area, whether you feel stuck,

1630
01:44:27.700 --> 01:44:31.860
or if you know, is it the Lord telling you, you should do heartwork again? Or is it just you kind

1631
01:44:31.860 --> 01:44:37.200
of second guessing yourself and just see what he shows you and then and then let us know in the

1632
01:44:37.200 --> 01:44:43.180
group. Okay. Okay. Thanks so much. All right. Awesome. This has been a great night, you all.

1633
01:44:43.420 --> 01:44:48.260
I'm so glad to be here with you. Let me pray us out. Father, thank you so much for the truth,

1634
01:44:48.720 --> 01:44:55.600
God, that you sent Jesus, who is the way the truth and the life. God, I thank you that you'll help us

1635
01:44:55.640 --> 01:44:59.800
to receive the light of Christ tonight in a fresh way. And I pray that you would help us to become

1636
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.840
rooted and grounded in your love, Father, more and more and more in the days to come.

1637
01:45:06.540 --> 01:45:10.700
I pray that you would give them dreams and visions of what your love feels like,

1638
01:45:10.780 --> 01:45:16.280
what it sounds like. God, that you would awaken them with the fullness of your love. God,

1639
01:45:16.280 --> 01:45:21.340
that some of them will wake up in the next few days, even tomorrow, with a song on their lips

1640
01:45:21.340 --> 01:45:26.360
that will just really resonate in their spirit with what you're doing. God, I thank you that

1641
01:45:26.360 --> 01:45:30.500
you would help them to have ears to hear what your spirit is saying and eyes to see what your

1642
01:45:30.500 --> 01:45:35.280
spirit sees. I pray that you would remove any blockages that are remaining, God, and just

1643
01:45:35.280 --> 01:45:39.780
continue to cleanse us from the inside out. We love you, Lord. We're so grateful for everything

1644
01:45:39.780 --> 01:45:44.360
that you've done, everything that you are doing, and everything that you are going to do in the

1645
01:45:44.360 --> 01:45:50.920
days ahead. In Jesus' name, amen. God bless you all. So glad to be in this community with you,

1646
01:45:50.940 --> 01:45:54.660
and we look forward to seeing you in the groups the rest of the week. Have a good night, everyone.

1647
01:45:54.660 --> 01:45:56.640
Bye-bye. Thank you.