WEBVTT

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All right, welcome to men's heart check in December 8, it is 710 we're a little late,

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had to get the wife set up on the other zoom that she's doing tonight with couples we just

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launched heart work for couples.

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And so we kind of went back and forth.

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Probably it eventually probably be for couples to help some that are not quite married but

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for right now, it's really intended for married couples.

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And so let's be really good.

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We're excited about being able to serve those that are now married, and have been married

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for some time.

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So she rewrote literally the entire heart work book to be.

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I mean it's a completely new book, but it's hard work for couples and we're launching

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that we launched out as a course as well so tonight's the kind of first check in on that

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as well so that's kind of cool.

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And so she's doing that.

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And I'm over here with you guys.

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It sounds like you guys have been getting into the straight away.

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I was hoping those would be here tonight that's kind of cool.

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Most thank you for being here and you're part of the community but it's kind of cool

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seeing you.

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And welcome.

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And kind of sounds you guys got into the topic pretty easily pretty quickly on fasting.

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I don't know how far you got into that but it's kind of cool.

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I didn't, I don't want to interrupt the flow of like what you guys were going for but anyway

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if there is a flow if there's not a flow that's cool too.

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No David just it was encouraging me he made a comment that he really enjoyed the book

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and we just kind of, and then Mike just just had a question and we just started talking

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and it just bollied from there okay yeah well good good yeah no I really I've already told

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the guys on here about your book and and I do recommend it I think it's good I think it's

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good balanced kind of pretty end to end approach to the subject of fasting and I told Lewis

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I said you know as someone who grew up in church you know I have a 45 year or more history

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with the Lord and the things of the Lord and and tenets of the faith that kind of thing

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and fasting has never really been one of those things that was really I don't think in my

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life to at least to me has been preached well to me represented accurately or you know

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in a positive enough light to where it was really taken seriously and I just really appreciate

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Lewis's book to kind of like at a time where I felt like that word was necessary for me

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to really understand the power of fasting as a sacrament of the faith and not just some other

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Christian thing to do it is different other than I mean it's on the level of prayer it's on the

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level of communion it's on the level of every institutional sacrament that you can see in

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and not the ones that we've made up in our traditions for hundreds and maybe even thousands

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of years that are other than so I just kind of think that's kind of cool especially in modern

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day you know there's some in the modern day not only Christianity but just in the world in general

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there's there's always a quick fix there's a formula for this there's five steps to this

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there's you know the quick action bonus to you know getting your life together and getting a

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breakthrough or getting some sort of you know whatever answer to prayer or whatever it's there

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are spiritual and both secular versions of it and I just felt like this topic got really cut to the

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chase it's like if you're a follower of Jesus and you're having an encounter and a revelation of

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Jesus and you're like and the Lord is leading you spiritually into that obviously fasting can be a

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just an encounter mechanism a sacrament that you can follow that's like wow to really open doors

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but I also think the breaking of strongholds is something that can be very powerful through

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fasting and so I was just like okay I'm not trying to necessarily fast to try to do something

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particular I'm allowing the fast to tell me I'm allowing the experience to tell me what it is that

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I need what it is I need to encounter what it is that I'm discovering is falling off and that kind

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of thing and that's kind of what it spoke to me

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And I thought that was really powerful, because I'm like, look, I'm sick and tired of trying to engineer my next step, trying to engineer my next breakthrough, trying to engineer my next advancement.

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I, you know, really sitting in the presence, and just yielding to a process that is not just a gimmick, but it is literally truth.

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Something that Jesus himself did like Jesus was like I'm not trying to make things up as Jesus. I'm really just looking at the Father trying to do what he's doing.

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And that's powerful.

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I Jesus was like, Look, man, I'm not trying to like make stuff up because I'm Jesus.

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I'm just doing what the Father's done, and one of, and the most powerful way as a human being as he was for me to do that was to lay aside my flesh, and to press into what the Spirit of the Lord is saying.

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And so even if Jesus did that, we certainly need to do it.

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And we can go far.

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That's one of the things that, you know, I just did a leadership thing.

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That's where I met Lewis, and kind of like I kind of knew of him before I'd never met him in person but we would set a leadership thing over the weekend.

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And one of the things that I was going there to get out just get a breakthrough in was just like, you know, I'm sick and tired of sick and tired of trying to like figure out what it is I need to do.

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I just need to surrender to a process, you know, surrender to the truth of what is like, I'm not trying to figure the next step out I'm just trying to hear what the Lord is saying, and step into that next thing.

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anyway, that's just kind of my take on that.

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Guys, what is going on. How's everybody doing. There's a name that I haven't seen before Bryce.

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Are you new to assist your first time on tower check in or no. Yeah, this is my first time. Awesome. Nice to meet you. Yeah, nice to meet you. Yeah, man. Where are you from.

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I'm from Portland, Oregon.

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Okay, cool. Portland, Oregon. Yeah. And we have mics from West Coast, California.

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Central San Jose Yeah, welcome Bryce. Thank you. Yeah, I'm in, I'm in Texas.

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Abramson California David Henshaw you're in Pennsylvania right.

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David Henshaw.

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It's breaking up really bad on my end I didn't hear like pricey and I just want to, I think you're in Pennsylvania right.

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Yeah, I'm in Pennsylvania. Yeah, yeah Pennsylvania hunters in New York.

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We were all over so that's kind of cool.

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Coast to coast here.

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Oh Ontario sorry Dave, Ontario, Canada.

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Got to represent.

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We're even international tonight.

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Yeah, thinking, what's up with me.

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I'm not, I'm not meeting anybody. Of course, I don't have time for anybody because it's peak week at Amazon where everybody's buying things so I don't have time to, I may not meet any woman.

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But I guess the only thing I can do is I've been praying more times than I can count but it wasn't so much submitting to God, and communion with God it was more like me telling God what to do to make it happen when I think it's so more about me, me, really got to care about God rather than

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wanting someone and put my, put my identity, make my establish my identity in that person.

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Well, Hunter man I've seen we've seen so much progress and you keep going.

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It's not certainly not a quota bro and meet the ladies, but you can take a week off and work hard for the holidays, because I know man, your job man I don't envy this time of year for Packers and all kinds of people doing product and shipping and retail, and

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I also got the cruise coming up to but of course the cruise coming up but I'm just, I'm not gonna look I'm just gonna meet and I'm just honing my social skills like I did on my Greece trip.

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Dude, you're doing, you're doing good. I think you're, I think you're doing great.

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But I'm not ready to have a spear mate yet may not be ready. Right.

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Hey Bryce I want to know, so you're from Portland, Oregon.

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What do you do there in Portland.

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Yeah, I'm in brand marketing at Nike, so small.

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Yes.

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Yeah, been here my whole life.

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Awesome. Awesome.

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I visited the Nike campus a number of years ago and it was pretty cool.

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My son, my son actually does, he's in footwear design and he's an independent designer.

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And he's in the process of designing, well, he's designed two shoes already for 3D printing,

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3D printing footwear.

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Nice.

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The, you know, it was the Air Max.

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The Air Max.

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Well, yeah, Cornelius is our, do you know who Cornelius, Cornelius, he's, he got, he's

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here in Austin and he, he was Zellerfeld.

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I mean, that's probably, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I don't know him, but yeah.

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So I'm in sportswear.

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So kind of funny.

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I'll be working on the brand for the, yeah, for the, you need, you need to meet my son

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because Jaron is a really good friends with Cornelius.

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Cornelius actually the head of the CEO of Zellerfeld.

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He was just with us at Thanksgiving at our house.

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Cool.

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And so, yeah.

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Yeah.

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It might be going out to Austin in the near future.

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So awesome.

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Yeah.

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Oh, that'd be cool.

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That'd be cool.

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That's really cool connection.

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That's really neat.

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Yeah.

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Small world.

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Yeah, it is small world.

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So how'd you hear about last year's single?

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Yeah.

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I mean, I, I don't know how this totally goes.

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I watched your orientation.

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I can give you kind of like what brought me in and where I'm here, if that's.

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Yeah, absolutely, man.

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That's kind of usually what we do with first timers.

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Yeah.

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Not to go too far back, but like, you know, I grew up Christian loosely and then it's

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kind of been placed on my heart for a long time to date, like a Christian, like have

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a Christian relationship.

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And if I'm going to marry, like that was important to me, did not know what that meant.

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Right.

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And I met a girl about eight months ago and started going to church more with her and

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really like not even really not for her, but started like really about six months ago,

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like diving into my own faith more, reading the Bible daily, going to church, really like

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God in my own way.

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And we kind of rushed in, or I feel like I pushed us or led us into dating on my timing

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and not God's.

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And we dated for a week and basically broke up and we're back to being good friends, which

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is cool.

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But essentially, like I just, you know, we neither, we didn't feel like I was, or she

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didn't think that I was far along in my, like I wasn't coming to the table as a biblical

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leader to be truthful.

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And so that got me just thinking of like, you know, it was hard, but I'm like, I need

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to surrender my timing to God.

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And also like, I just wanted to, to learn what that meant.

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And I found Jackie's video with Christian on YouTube.

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So I clicked into the website, Christian Bever.

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Oh, Christian Bevere.

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Yeah.

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Bevere.

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Yeah.

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So that's how I found Jackie.

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Oh, wow.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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And then I just clicked into the website and so I signed up for the class.

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I did a coaching session with Brian.

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I kind of jumped the gun maybe a little bit.

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Like I did that before I even got into the course, but he was really cool.

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That's fine.

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And so, yeah, that's kind of where I'm at is just kind of like a reset of like, Hey,

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surrendering that it's not like, I think I wanted a relationship so bad that I was looking

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at it from the wrong reasons, truthfully.

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And so, yeah, I'm taking a step back and just went through the first week of the course

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and yeah, that girl and I are, so this, I guess maybe question, hopefully this doesn't

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break the rules of the course, but like, we still are friends.

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So we're actually serving at the church together this weekend.

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And so it's just a platonic relationship for now, obviously, like, you know, I think another

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thing is truthfully, I don't have a huge community here in Portland, like not a lot of Christian

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guys around.

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I have a couple of good friends, my cousin and one really close friend, you know, that

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are Christian, but that was another big thing with her and she, you know, she wanted me

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to have a community.

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And I like, it's funny when we had that conversation, I didn't like that, you know, I was kind of

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like, my friendships are fine.

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I'm finding now for my own self, like I really do, that is important to me to have the community,

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you know, I really might not end up with this girl.

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Maybe I do like just all that to say, it's really about me and, and just grounding myself

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for whoever, like, I do feel called to have a family.

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I, you know, I feel like I'm good with kids, but that's what brought me here.

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Long, little verbose answer for you, but no, it's good.

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That's, that's a lot of detail and it's, it's good because, you know, really, yeah, regardless

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if this is the one, so to speak, you know, we always, we don't really try to use that

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word like in our, in this particular community, because we don't really believe in there's

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just one for everyone.

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The math doesn't work on that.

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But when I say the one, I mean, like, this is the girl, right.

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If she's not the one, you know, it is truthful.

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Like what you're saying, it's like, let's, it's about your preparation.

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That's what this season about.

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The only reason that we put people on a sabbatical just to do their heartwork is to say, this

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is just an intense season of just four weeks as you're doing heartwork to not be distracted

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with trying to do relationships.

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they're just trying to focus in on that. So that's, that's a good thing. I kind of good that you picked that up. Um, but yeah, man, it sounds like it sounds like, you know, um, the Lord is leading you into this, this, um, level of maturity, you know,

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because that's really what it takes. I mean, all the guys on here can attest to some of them been married. Some of them have never been married.

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Um, some of them been in some, some, some pretty serious relationships, some long-term relationships. They didn't quite work out. Uh, they've been through a lot of iterations of life and, um, and they can all testify that like, yeah, the individual preparation

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for stepping up into everything that, that you can be in as a man, as a leader, as you know, as a husband, that preparation is without meaning that it doesn't require you to be in a relationship in order to be preparing for that.

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And that's what last year seeing was all about. It's just about preparation for that moment for that time. Um, just good stuff.

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Yeah. I'll share two things real quick if I can with it. I'll share two random other things with it. The timing, I feel like lines up. I mean, she was back home for Thanksgiving and, uh, last week, I'm just going to see her this weekend.

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And then she's back for, she's gone for another two. So the timing was kind of, you know, it was interesting timing that it's like naturally was kind of a pause. Uh, and then the last thing I'll say just to hammer home the point of, if it's, if it's not with her, I think when I first met her, not to go into it, but we, we met in kind of a, we were introduced by someone who I hadn't spoke to in a long time and she is really, really strong in her faith.

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And that was one of the things I was most attracted to. So I've kind of had this perspective, perspective shift of, I think at one point I was like, there's a reason why she was placed in my life. But now I think, you know, like maybe that was just to get closer to God, you know, and like how she really did work, whether it's with her or not. I mean, that's, that's been really cool. I'm here now in a weird way because, you know, so

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Now there definitely is sometimes part of that story where it's like, you know, that one, the one that led to the one, you know, that's, that's a common theme sometimes as well. It happens that way. What's up, Mike?

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Well, that's funny because I became a Christian because a gal who was a Christian in my junior high that I had a crush on, like I went to the church. She went to the church once, right? Like, and I went to that church and I saw her and then I kept going back. Tell you my intentions were perfectly holy. But, you know, but God's got a funny way of like doing that. But I have a kind of crazy.

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Seriously, you're not the only one. No. I mean, there's been dozens of guys that have come to the Lord because of a girl for sure.

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So I have a crazy kind of testimony. Like, I just kind of blown up. So I'm so like wins. So last Sunday, Sunday, yeah, no, two Sundays ago, not this last Sunday, like a couple days ago, but the previous Sunday, the Lord was like, I want you to die to everything.

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And like, even like your desire to be married again, like your family. And he's like, you know, I want you to go help traffic kids and it's going to be your end. At some point, like you're going to be martyred, but I like I want you to go save kids and deliver them. And I was like, all right, Lord, I'll give it up. I'll take my wedding fund and I'll buy body armor, talk to my brother. And it was pretty wild, right?

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And so that same Sunday. Oh, you know, Jackie says, Hey, give people permission to like, set you up, right? Well, somebody there's only two people in my life I've given permission because I trust them. About the same time I was surrendering everything. She was setting me up with somebody and not telling me about it.

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And we had a four hour hangout on last Thursday that was, was just magical. And so it's somebody who I want when she first came, I've known her for several years, right? And when she came into church, I was like, please be single. And she was married. And I prayed for her husband, who is now, was now just about her ex. There was a lot of stuff going on.

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But I just share that because I gave I literally was like, Lord, okay, my brother's a ranger, and I have another friend. And there's, there's some, one of the other things I profile as is special forces, like, you know, it was, you know, like, I, you know, I just had a problem with authority. And that doesn't work so good in the army, right? You know, but like, I just wanted to share you guys, I actually so.

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How this happened is I've been serving my friends.

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I got stripped down.

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The Lord told me not to sign a lease,

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so I'm actually crashing on their couch, right?

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Love one on their kids.

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And the Lord told me to serve them.

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And in serving them, she set me up with somebody

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who's amazing, right?

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And so like, I wasn't looking for it.

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I didn't even know it was a setup.

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I just was being me.

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I suck at dating, so she's like,

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she can't intervene.

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And I just got to be in my element,

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which is serving and loving people well.

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And like, I don't know, it's funny,

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because in this chat, we've been texting her

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back and forth.

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But like, it just, you know, you guys,

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seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

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and everything else will be added unto you.

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And like, and when I surrendered,

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you know, I mean like, it was like,

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Lord, okay, I will do whatever you say, right?

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Like, if you want to pour me out,

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I will be poured out.

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Like, you know, like, if you want me to pour out

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loving their kids, if you want me to be poured out,

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you know, saving kids, which I can,

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you know, I grew up pretending to be a sniper.

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I'm really good with firearms.

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You know, I'm like, I'm really self,

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you know, like, I'm an enforcer.

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So like, it was like, it fits, you know?

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And so, but you know, but I think he gave me my answer,

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but I had to let it go.

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You know, and the thing that he said was,

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dead men don't react.

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Like, if you've died to something,

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then the enemy has no hold on you.

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And so just, you know, seek first his kingdom, you guys,

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you know, you never know.

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Like this-

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Yeah, I'll tell you, Mike, that's a good segue, man,

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for like, asking just the general question tonight

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in the group is kind of like,

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what is it that the Lord is asking you to surrender?

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And it doesn't have to be super dramatic.

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It doesn't have to be super like,

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you know, Braveheart type thing, you know?

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I mean, what your scenario,

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I'm not downing your scenario,

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like what you were saying, like what Lord,

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you're like, what you felt the Lord was inviting you into.

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I'm just saying it doesn't,

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you don't have to make it dramatic

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in order to be like super serious,

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but it does have to be a surrender.

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Like, you know, I'm at the end of this, you know?

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And I think there's a lot of things that happen

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in breakthrough at the point of surrender, you know?

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And the general question could be to everyone tonight,

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it's just like, what is it the Lord is speaking to you

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about like surrendering to him?

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And the surrender is not like,

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well, I'm gonna give up something that I want.

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I mean, it could be like a give up.

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It could be like a, I'm gonna make time.

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It could be sort of a situation where you're like,

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I'm just gonna be quiet.

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Like I'm at the end of this, so I don't know what else to do

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so I'm just gonna surrender.

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I'm at the end of the road.

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But it could be all of those different types of surrender.

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But literally the surrender is more for the purpose

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of like, what's the next thing?

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Like, what does the surrender lead to?

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And God's been dealing,

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I feel like God's been dealing with some of you

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as far as like a thing,

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whether it could be putting down the fork.

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It could be making time in your schedule

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that you're saying yes to everybody and everything.

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Maybe it's time to say no.

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Maybe it's time to say no

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just so you can make space for the thing

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that God's trying to lead you into.

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So what is the point of surrender in your life?

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Something that God's been dealing with,

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God's been showing you,

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God's been just kind of revealing,

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kind of leading you into.

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I don't think God is the type of person

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that berates you or beats you

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or bullies you into surrender.

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The struggle is there because we're the ones

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that are double-minded.

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We're the ones that are struggling.

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We're the ones that are fixed on this outcome,

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but yet we want this and yet,

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but there's this in the way.

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And another way to put this is like,

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lots of times your breakthrough,

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the very answer of the thing that you're looking for

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is just one step beyond this surrender.

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And it's just like, you weren't equating the two things,

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but you might be equating the two things

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328
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to be now, you might be now seeing, oh, man, you know, this

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point of this thing that I've been feeling, I'm supposed to

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like surrender, give up, you know, sort of like, let go of

331
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that's another surrender is letting go. Maybe there's

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something that needs to be let go in your life, you're

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surrendering this. And, you know, little did you know that

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that surrender is leading you into the very thing that you've

335
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been wanting. That you've been hoping for that you've been

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seeking, but you never saw those together as steps that were sort

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of side by side, it wasn't a it wasn't a gift to get. No, I

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understand that. I understand that. Well, yeah, it was not

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something that you were you it's not something that you were

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seeing. Not at all. Like, that's why I didn't even notice

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it. Until she told me. She's like, you realize I set you up,

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right? And I'm like, Oh, you did? Yeah. And then I felt

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really loved and like, Oh, God, you know, I don't know, like,

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you just look, you feel God's love in that. Right? He's like,

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you know, because I didn't like Lord, do you really want me to

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die? Like, I'm like, I'm like, fine. I will. I absolutely will.

347
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But I'm like, it doesn't make any sense. But if you're doing

348
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it, then I get to be you can't threaten me with heaven.

349
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I don't know if I I don't know if I said this. On the call. I

350
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said this somewhere, but I don't know if it was on the men's call

351
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or not. But I heard a teaching recently by a guy that I met

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years and years and years ago, like, probably closer to 15

353
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years ago, I met this guy one time in Michigan, and a weird

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business ministry sort of situation thing. And we were

355
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there for another reason. This guy was not the person we were

356
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there to meet. He just happened to be around in the group. And

357
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this guy lives up in northern Michigan, like all the way up in

358
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like Mackinac Island, wherever that our trap Traverse City,

359
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Miss Michigan. And this guy is like just a sales do like shirt

360
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tie, like, you know, use car kind of dude. And he does this

361
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Bible study. And for some reason, I have literally been on

362
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his email list. Since that time, I don't know how I forget how I

363
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even got my email or what it was even. But this dude just sends

364
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out these little Bible teachings all the time. Sometimes I read

365
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them sometimes I don't. And they're just the kind of like,

366
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not fancy. They're not slick. They're not marketed. It's just

367
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this dude's email. And there's this tea he was talking the

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other day about Abraham. And did you understand you guys

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understand that God could not do what he did in giving up his

370
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son Jesus as a sacrifice. The sacrifice that we all know that

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Jesus laid down his life on the cross. But the act of the

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father giving his son up for the greater good could not happen.

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God himself could not give Jesus his son had Abraham not been

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obedient and not been willing to give his son Isaac. And the

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reason is because God himself doesn't have the authority, the

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legal right, the concept of a father giving the son for the

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sake of the greater good could not have been accomplished

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unless a human person had set the precedent in history for

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that to be done. And so this is where God was leading the heart

380
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of Abraham, in this sense to say, hey, you're Isaac, the

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promised son. We all know the story of Abraham and the fact

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that he couldn't have children didn't have children. But yet he

383
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was going to be the father to many nations and Abraham's like,

384
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how can this be? And he's like, well, you're 100 years old, and

385
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your wife's 90 and I'll make her pregnant. And then Sarah

386
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laughs. This is story told out of sequence. But anyway, we all

387
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know the story. And then finally, Abraham still even has

388
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a son, not through Sarah, trying to fulfill this promise, but

389
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then eventually has this son, Isaac, who is this one son, that

390
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all these generations are going to come through. And then God

391
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leads him in his heart.

392
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God didn't tell him like, Abraham, I want you to...

393
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No, no, no.

394
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He led him in his heart to be able to come

395
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to this conclusion and go, I have to surrender.

396
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I have to give up the promise.

397
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I have to give up everything that I felt God

398
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was putting on me, making my life all about,

399
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culminating to this one point.

400
00:30:25.340 --> 00:30:27.800
I'm going to have to give this up

401
00:30:29.500 --> 00:30:31.760
because a sacrifice needs to be made.

402
00:30:33.420 --> 00:30:35.620
And he goes, makes all the preparations,

403
00:30:35.960 --> 00:30:37.060
gets all of the fixings.

404
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:38.860
They go ascend the hill.

405
00:30:39.900 --> 00:30:41.280
Isaac even asked the question,

406
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:45.160
father, where is the thing that's going to be sacrificed?

407
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And he said, God will provide.

408
00:30:49.280 --> 00:30:52.720
The incredible amount of faith that Abraham had to exhibit,

409
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plus the fact that he set the precedent in human form,

410
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in human fashion, in the mind of a human,

411
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to be able to set that precedent

412
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of the father giving up the son,

413
00:31:05.020 --> 00:31:07.220
which then would set the precedent for God

414
00:31:07.220 --> 00:31:09.540
to be able then to do that,

415
00:31:09.540 --> 00:31:12.120
according to the authority given to humans,

416
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was powerful.

417
00:31:16.580 --> 00:31:20.940
But Mike makes this point tonight about the provision

418
00:31:20.940 --> 00:31:23.760
that God makes at the point of the surrender.

419
00:31:24.700 --> 00:31:27.080
So Abraham takes us all the way to the point

420
00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:28.640
where he's about to sacrifice his son,

421
00:31:28.740 --> 00:31:29.540
literally on the altar.

422
00:31:30.360 --> 00:31:31.440
And what happens?

423
00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:33.340
God sees the heart.

424
00:31:33.980 --> 00:31:36.500
He understands the deed has been done.

425
00:31:36.660 --> 00:31:38.640
The line has been crossed because the father

426
00:31:39.500 --> 00:31:42.220
made up in his heart, was led in his heart,

427
00:31:42.500 --> 00:31:45.160
made up in his mind and said, this is the only way.

428
00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:47.640
I've got to surrender this.

429
00:31:47.700 --> 00:31:51.520
I'm going to give this up and this is going to be it.

430
00:31:51.520 --> 00:31:53.820
I don't know how the promise is going to be had,

431
00:31:53.960 --> 00:31:54.840
but I've got to do this.

432
00:31:54.920 --> 00:31:57.920
He goes all the way to the point of almost full execution.

433
00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:00.580
And God says, okay, I see your heart.

434
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:03.480
I see the fact that you have set this precedent.

435
00:32:03.800 --> 00:32:05.380
Therefore I can do what I'm going to do in the future.

436
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:08.280
And I'm going to make the provision.

437
00:32:08.760 --> 00:32:12.060
I'm going to save the situation.

438
00:32:13.600 --> 00:32:16.500
And I'm going to provide the lamb, the ram in the bush

439
00:32:17.560 --> 00:32:19.500
for you to be able to make the sacrifice.

440
00:32:19.640 --> 00:32:20.940
The sacrifice was still made.

441
00:32:20.940 --> 00:32:22.260
The son was saved.

442
00:32:23.720 --> 00:32:25.300
The promises were fulfilled

443
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:27.480
and God was able to do what he does.

444
00:32:28.220 --> 00:32:30.480
But the point of surrender is the issue,

445
00:32:30.520 --> 00:32:31.760
is the point we're trying to make tonight.

446
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:35.160
Like, what is God asking you to surrender tonight, guys?

447
00:32:37.340 --> 00:32:39.020
Anybody want to respond to that?

448
00:32:39.880 --> 00:32:41.840
Anybody want to maybe say out this is,

449
00:32:41.980 --> 00:32:44.020
I really feel like God's asking me to surrender this,

450
00:32:44.640 --> 00:32:46.080
surrender something specific.

451
00:32:46.760 --> 00:32:48.620
Dave, you've had your hand raised for a moment.

452
00:32:48.620 --> 00:32:52.320
I don't know if this is what you're going to speak to or.

453
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:54.360
Yeah, well, I had a little share.

454
00:32:54.500 --> 00:32:56.300
I do have something I was going to surrender to.

455
00:32:57.120 --> 00:33:01.920
Maybe just expectations I had for just my relationship

456
00:33:02.060 --> 00:33:03.140
or friendship with Phoebe.

457
00:33:03.340 --> 00:33:05.440
I think I've just been trusting the Lord

458
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:08.120
and surrendering that to his timing with it.

459
00:33:08.940 --> 00:33:11.180
But do you want me to continue the rest of the share

460
00:33:11.180 --> 00:33:12.940
or just keep it to that

461
00:33:12.940 --> 00:33:14.060
and other people can answer your questions?

462
00:33:14.060 --> 00:33:15.280
I mean, let me just take a couple more

463
00:33:15.280 --> 00:33:16.940
if there's a few more and then I'll come back.

464
00:33:17.360 --> 00:33:17.740
That's okay.

465
00:33:18.340 --> 00:33:20.940
Anybody else got just something, a word or two

466
00:33:20.940 --> 00:33:21.760
that you want to say?

467
00:33:21.800 --> 00:33:23.500
Hey, I really feel like God's asking me

468
00:33:23.500 --> 00:33:26.780
to surrender something.

469
00:33:34.260 --> 00:33:34.780
Nobody.

470
00:33:40.820 --> 00:33:45.160
God's definitely asking me to surrender my time

471
00:33:45.160 --> 00:33:45.880
and my talent.

472
00:33:49.920 --> 00:33:51.740
It wasn't just this weekend,

473
00:33:51.820 --> 00:33:55.540
but it was a long time leading up to that.

474
00:33:57.720 --> 00:34:04.780
I'm not using the full force of the gifts and talents

475
00:34:04.780 --> 00:34:07.020
in the resources that God's given me.

476
00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:11.040
I'm not doing, I'm playing small, playing half,

477
00:34:12.699 --> 00:34:15.480
playing half of the field, playing half court, if you will.

478
00:34:16.280 --> 00:34:19.719
I think God might be telling me to surrender

479
00:34:19.940 --> 00:34:22.320
the goals that I had from high school

480
00:34:22.500 --> 00:34:24.520
after graduating high school, turning 20

481
00:34:24.560 --> 00:34:26.620
about having at this kind of age,

482
00:34:26.620 --> 00:34:29.659
since I'm 37 and I have to let go of the fear

483
00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:31.440
that I didn't amount to much,

484
00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:34.380
especially when I did during my thirties,

485
00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:39.260
I got a new job with benefits and I got to go abroad

486
00:34:39.420 --> 00:34:42.219
and I got to witness my team making the Superbowl

487
00:34:42.540 --> 00:34:44.980
and had tried to make the most of everything.

488
00:34:44.980 --> 00:34:47.260
And then God says, let it go.

489
00:34:47.400 --> 00:34:49.420
Let go of your dream of your age limit

490
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:50.880
and I'll make it my time.

491
00:34:51.080 --> 00:34:52.540
It'll be worth the time.

492
00:34:53.020 --> 00:34:54.860
And also if you want to pray,

493
00:34:55.020 --> 00:34:56.880
make it, want to go to a young age,

494
00:34:57.440 --> 00:34:59.980
maybe you should try to focus on someone you care.

495
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.760
about or you've met, then if you focus on the higher person rather than the person you want,

496
00:35:05.600 --> 00:35:10.820
because worshiping the person you want more than God is an idolatry and it's not really,

497
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:16.880
and you're not as likely to care, have concern for her or his daughter as much as you want

498
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:23.280
her to be your affection rather than what God wants. Yeah, yeah, surrender. You can

499
00:35:24.140 --> 00:35:29.100
surrender old dreams, man. Surrender old barriers, old thresholds,

500
00:35:30.380 --> 00:35:37.560
you know, leveling up to a new threshold, leveling up to a new level of participation.

501
00:35:39.700 --> 00:35:41.180
Anybody else?

502
00:35:46.120 --> 00:35:47.220
Come on, guys.

503
00:35:53.060 --> 00:35:59.580
I think my need to always be right, and yeah, like, because I always, I'm like,

504
00:35:59.620 --> 00:36:04.520
oh, like, I have to be right, and I'm like, actually, I don't know, and it's okay that I

505
00:36:04.520 --> 00:36:09.480
can be dead wrong and just being like, I love puzzles and riddles to the point where, like,

506
00:36:09.480 --> 00:36:13.760
I feel like I have to figure out everything, and God's being like, hey, surrender that,

507
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:18.440
and so as I've been surrendering it, like, people have just been coming up to me and saying things,

508
00:36:18.820 --> 00:36:22.880
things that I never understood, and they're like, hey, I feel like I just feel like to explain this

509
00:36:22.980 --> 00:36:26.640
to you about me, and they'll just like, so they're just answering the riddles on their own,

510
00:36:26.680 --> 00:36:35.380
and I'm like, okay, God, this is kind of. Yeah, that need to be right, man. That's huge for men.

511
00:36:36.420 --> 00:36:47.420
That's huge for men, you know? It's okay to be right, to be even correct and accurate,

512
00:36:47.960 --> 00:36:56.360
but the display of having to have that acknowledgement in front of others, you know,

513
00:36:57.240 --> 00:37:04.040
isn't, that's, it's, yeah, Lewis understands that, that's the drift, the need to be right,

514
00:37:04.580 --> 00:37:08.880
the need to be, to look good, the need to be,

515
00:37:10.900 --> 00:37:16.100
yeah, that can, that can drive you in a lot of the wrong direction.

516
00:37:18.860 --> 00:37:24.040
I can tell you that's been a source of some of the conflict, you know, between my wife and I

517
00:37:24.860 --> 00:37:31.320
over the years, you know, when we've had our moments, you know, there'll be a little situation,

518
00:37:31.320 --> 00:37:37.680
a little something arise, and I'm like, but I'm, but I'm, but I'm right. What do you mean? Like,

519
00:37:37.680 --> 00:37:47.980
like, I'm trying to, like, argue and fight and contend for my right to be right, to be heard,

520
00:37:48.040 --> 00:37:54.260
to be accurate, and in the moment, it wasn't serving the relationship. It was only serving

521
00:37:54.260 --> 00:38:00.500
my interest. It was only serving my agenda to make sure that she understood that I was right.

522
00:38:03.300 --> 00:38:07.680
And in the meantime, I was trampling all over the flowers of our relationship,

523
00:38:08.540 --> 00:38:11.820
just trying to be right in the moment, in the situation.

524
00:38:13.180 --> 00:38:20.700
So lots of times in a relationship, that, that can be such a barrier to, and a hindrance not to

525
00:38:20.700 --> 00:38:24.140
furthering the relationship. Sometimes you can even damage the relationship just because you

526
00:38:24.140 --> 00:38:30.940
got to be right all the time. Yeah, I understand. Trying to be, go ahead. I understand that,

527
00:38:30.940 --> 00:38:38.040
sort of situation. But I'm also thinking, it's like, what do you do if you actually are right?

528
00:38:38.720 --> 00:38:42.840
And it's not like, it's not like I want to be right, but like, what if you actually are?

529
00:38:43.180 --> 00:38:49.180
Yeah, no, no, no. I mean, like, I don't know. Yeah, no, I mean, the truth is,

530
00:38:50.200 --> 00:38:57.800
you can be right and wrong. You can be accurate. You can be truthfully, like, correct.

531
00:38:59.580 --> 00:39:06.440
The, the fighting and the contending for the acknowledgement and the, and the surrender of

532
00:39:06.440 --> 00:39:15.640
the other person to say, you won or you're right, or that's correct, is oftentimes a damaging part,

533
00:39:16.880 --> 00:39:22.160
especially to intimacy. If you're arguing with some guy on the street and you're arguing in court,

534
00:39:22.720 --> 00:39:27.220
that's appropriate. But if it becomes, comes to relationship,

535
00:39:28.560 --> 00:39:35.240
that's where you want to be like, it doesn't really matter whether I'm right. Matter of fact,

536
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:42.900
I will say this, lots of times women are super, super intelligent. They will know,

537
00:39:43.240 --> 00:39:48.220
they know right then already that you're right. They will know and acknowledge later on that

538
00:39:48.220 --> 00:39:53.720
you're right. It's just what they're waiting for in the moment, for you contending for your

539
00:39:53.860 --> 00:39:58.160
rightness. They're waiting in the moment to, are you going to be soft enough in the relationship

540
00:39:58.160 --> 00:39:59.980
to have relationship? And

541
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.500
instead of just making your point that you're right.

542
00:40:03.280 --> 00:40:03.620
You know what I'm saying?

543
00:40:04.260 --> 00:40:05.880
So it's about the relational value.

544
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:07.300
Yeah.

545
00:40:08.360 --> 00:40:11.920
Here, the one who is by my side

546
00:40:12.220 --> 00:40:13.880
happens to be here at the moment.

547
00:40:14.240 --> 00:40:18.100
And she wants to weigh in on this little tricky situation.

548
00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:19.660
Well, I just wanted to say one thing.

549
00:40:19.720 --> 00:40:20.720
This is what I was just,

550
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:22.940
I just came in from coaching the couples,

551
00:40:23.160 --> 00:40:23.840
the hard work for couples.

552
00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:27.860
And I heard what you guys are talking about.

553
00:40:28.500 --> 00:40:30.780
And this is where you guys,

554
00:40:31.020 --> 00:40:33.400
did you ever wonder when, you know,

555
00:40:34.280 --> 00:40:36.720
us ladies don't really like being sons of God

556
00:40:36.820 --> 00:40:37.940
because we're girls.

557
00:40:39.040 --> 00:40:42.060
And this is where you guys get to understand

558
00:40:42.060 --> 00:40:43.960
what it's like to be the bride of Christ.

559
00:40:44.580 --> 00:40:45.100
Yeah.

560
00:40:45.100 --> 00:40:47.600
Okay, so in the scenario with woman,

561
00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:49.540
with humans, you're the husband.

562
00:40:49.840 --> 00:40:51.340
And in the scenario with Christ,

563
00:40:51.340 --> 00:40:52.980
he's the husband and you're the bride.

564
00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:55.460
So how would you like it?

565
00:40:55.460 --> 00:40:58.060
And we know he's always right, isn't he?

566
00:40:58.360 --> 00:41:00.320
Now you human men are not always right.

567
00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:01.280
You're right a lot,

568
00:41:01.720 --> 00:41:04.560
but it's not about being right.

569
00:41:04.820 --> 00:41:07.660
It's about being trusted.

570
00:41:08.020 --> 00:41:08.620
Yeah.

571
00:41:08.700 --> 00:41:09.160
Okay.

572
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:11.940
And if you put your agenda of being right

573
00:41:11.940 --> 00:41:15.040
over a relationship, then she's not gonna trust you.

574
00:41:15.100 --> 00:41:16.640
Even though, okay, you're accurate,

575
00:41:18.100 --> 00:41:22.300
but your attitude, your, you know, your pride.

576
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:23.320
Demeaning treatment.

577
00:41:24.200 --> 00:41:25.680
And so think about Jesus.

578
00:41:25.880 --> 00:41:27.320
We know he's always right.

579
00:41:27.420 --> 00:41:28.160
He's never wrong,

580
00:41:28.300 --> 00:41:30.440
but he doesn't lord that over us, does he?

581
00:41:31.220 --> 00:41:33.640
He doesn't try to shove that in her face.

582
00:41:34.240 --> 00:41:37.700
You know, a lot of times he even allows us to,

583
00:41:38.340 --> 00:41:41.600
you know, in conversation or in relationship with him,

584
00:41:41.640 --> 00:41:43.540
he even allows us our way,

585
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:45.520
even though his way is the best way,

586
00:41:45.780 --> 00:41:48.740
just to show us that, you know, he can be trusted

587
00:41:49.300 --> 00:41:52.720
and that he can lead us into the better way, right?

588
00:41:52.720 --> 00:41:54.540
And so you need to keep that in mind

589
00:41:54.540 --> 00:41:56.980
because you are the gender

590
00:41:56.980 --> 00:42:00.380
that God has chosen to represent Christ.

591
00:42:00.940 --> 00:42:03.560
I'll tell you also that there's the strength

592
00:42:04.280 --> 00:42:05.320
in the masculine.

593
00:42:07.140 --> 00:42:08.480
Like, I don't know.

594
00:42:08.600 --> 00:42:10.140
I'm trying to think of an example,

595
00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:12.940
a specific example of this, but I think you see it.

596
00:42:12.980 --> 00:42:14.820
I think, you know, when you see it,

597
00:42:15.020 --> 00:42:16.900
when you've ever looked at somebody

598
00:42:16.900 --> 00:42:20.760
who was just a confident man who was in charge,

599
00:42:21.560 --> 00:42:24.080
he's not going around telling everybody he's in charge.

600
00:42:24.680 --> 00:42:27.980
Like, it is obvious that this dude is in charge.

601
00:42:28.600 --> 00:42:28.620
Why?

602
00:42:29.000 --> 00:42:30.400
Because he acts like it.

603
00:42:30.660 --> 00:42:31.300
He exudes it.

604
00:42:31.620 --> 00:42:32.900
He like steps into it.

605
00:42:32.900 --> 00:42:34.140
He lives it.

606
00:42:34.400 --> 00:42:37.180
And so he doesn't have to like advocate

607
00:42:37.180 --> 00:42:39.480
for his own authority.

608
00:42:39.780 --> 00:42:42.840
He just is in his authority.

609
00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:44.400
So it's kind of the same thing.

610
00:42:44.460 --> 00:42:46.500
It's like, you know, in a relationship,

611
00:42:46.660 --> 00:42:48.140
if I'm going to be right

612
00:42:48.140 --> 00:42:50.300
and we're having some sort of like,

613
00:42:50.300 --> 00:42:51.820
not necessarily a disagreement,

614
00:42:52.040 --> 00:42:53.680
but we're just having trouble communicating

615
00:42:53.680 --> 00:42:55.420
because I'm trying to convey something.

616
00:42:55.520 --> 00:42:58.940
She's trying to convey something and I'm right accurately.

617
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.560
One of the greatest strengths I can do is be a man,

618
00:43:04.900 --> 00:43:06.480
stand up in that situation,

619
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:09.100
know that I'm accurate or right,

620
00:43:09.100 --> 00:43:12.980
but then also at the same time contend for the relationship

621
00:43:12.980 --> 00:43:14.320
instead of my agenda.

622
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:15.280
You can win.

623
00:43:15.280 --> 00:43:16.860
That is super, super sexy.

624
00:43:16.860 --> 00:43:18.440
You can win the argument.

625
00:43:18.440 --> 00:43:19.700
I have a question.

626
00:43:20.220 --> 00:43:22.420
You can win the argument, Andrew,

627
00:43:22.580 --> 00:43:25.260
based on the facts and also lose her heart.

628
00:43:25.640 --> 00:43:26.200
Well, yeah, I know.

629
00:43:26.340 --> 00:43:27.240
But like I'm talking about,

630
00:43:27.600 --> 00:43:29.000
so like here's another example though.

631
00:43:29.000 --> 00:43:32.340
Like what if there's something that she thinks

632
00:43:32.340 --> 00:43:35.480
is not sinful, but is actually sinful.

633
00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:38.100
And like, he's like saying like,

634
00:43:38.100 --> 00:43:39.780
you shouldn't do this because this is sinful.

635
00:43:39.820 --> 00:43:41.840
And she's saying, well, no, like you're wrong.

636
00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:42.860
Like it's not sinful.

637
00:43:42.900 --> 00:43:44.100
I'm still going to do it.

638
00:43:44.100 --> 00:43:47.200
It's like, well, is he supposed to just like

639
00:43:48.020 --> 00:43:49.680
not say that it's involved?

640
00:43:50.300 --> 00:43:52.740
Like, I mean, you can't lie in that situation.

641
00:43:53.860 --> 00:43:55.340
Yeah, I mean, you know what?

642
00:43:55.860 --> 00:43:57.280
That's a part of the relationship.

643
00:43:57.940 --> 00:44:00.680
Again, this is relationship with God with us.

644
00:44:01.180 --> 00:44:03.400
I think we all know that lying is a sin.

645
00:44:04.760 --> 00:44:08.340
I think we all know that, you know,

646
00:44:10.080 --> 00:44:12.440
being unfaithful is a sin.

647
00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:17.060
Doesn't mean that at times we're lying.

648
00:44:17.420 --> 00:44:20.720
That doesn't mean at times that we're not faithful.

649
00:44:21.880 --> 00:44:26.920
God is in relationship with us to walk that out.

650
00:44:27.900 --> 00:44:32.360
Hopefully, Andrew, you wouldn't be marrying someone

651
00:44:32.360 --> 00:44:33.460
that you have to parent

652
00:44:33.460 --> 00:44:36.380
because what you just said sounds like a parentified,

653
00:44:38.360 --> 00:44:40.120
it's a parentified example.

654
00:44:40.800 --> 00:44:45.140
So having to tell your wife that something's sinful

655
00:44:45.300 --> 00:44:48.220
and then, you know, her rebelling against what you're saying

656
00:44:48.220 --> 00:44:49.160
and doing it anyway,

657
00:44:49.160 --> 00:44:51.480
that sounds like a teenager and a parent.

658
00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:53.520
That doesn't sound like a husband and a wife.

659
00:44:54.820 --> 00:44:58.300
So hopefully, you know, and you know, and I know people,

660
00:44:58.440 --> 00:44:59.980
I know men specifically.

661
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.740
specifically that have very legalistic ideas of what marriage is going to look like and

662
00:45:03.740 --> 00:45:04.960
how they're going to be in charge.

663
00:45:04.980 --> 00:45:07.460
And it's more like a parent child situation.

664
00:45:08.040 --> 00:45:11.500
And that is not God's model for marriage.

665
00:45:12.080 --> 00:45:12.600
Okay.

666
00:45:12.600 --> 00:45:19.680
We are equal in Christ and we are very different in our relationships with God as far as how

667
00:45:19.680 --> 00:45:24.600
we, how that, what that looks like, but we're both spiritually mature and, you know, and

668
00:45:24.600 --> 00:45:28.200
we both, you know, are partnering and submitting to one another in love.

669
00:45:28.200 --> 00:45:35.160
So, um, so yeah, if you, if you have the mindset that you're looking for a wife, child

670
00:45:35.160 --> 00:45:40.440
to parent and you want her to be obedient to you, then there are women out there that

671
00:45:40.440 --> 00:45:44.800
are looking also for that type of marriage, but that is not God's model of marriage.

672
00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:46.920
And the D well, I get, I get what you're saying.

673
00:45:46.980 --> 00:45:52.500
It's just that like, um, it's like if I'm in a situation where I have to choose between

674
00:45:52.700 --> 00:45:57.580
God's way or her way, then like, like I really don't have any choice, but to choose God's

675
00:45:57.580 --> 00:45:57.840
way.

676
00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:02.600
I mean, I don't have to Lord it over her, but like, I have to be true to my conscience,

677
00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:03.280
you know what I mean?

678
00:46:03.680 --> 00:46:08.140
If you're in a marriage and this does happen in marriage where one person has decided not

679
00:46:08.140 --> 00:46:12.420
to follow Christ and you know, and I pray that that never happens to you, but they have

680
00:46:12.420 --> 00:46:18.940
decided not to follow Christ and they're doing things outside of what you know is right.

681
00:46:18.940 --> 00:46:20.660
Then you absolutely follow Christ.

682
00:46:20.760 --> 00:46:23.840
You do what's right, but you also can't force them to do what's right.

683
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:24.440
Yeah.

684
00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:28.080
And I hope that that never happens to you because that's going to be a troubled marriage.

685
00:46:28.920 --> 00:46:28.920


686
00:46:29.800 --> 00:46:30.200
Right.

687
00:46:30.200 --> 00:46:34.200
And that's what I want to help you choose wisely with the right idea of what marriage

688
00:46:34.200 --> 00:46:34.640
is like.

689
00:46:34.640 --> 00:46:36.200
So you don't find yourself in that situation.

690
00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:36.560
Yes.

691
00:46:36.560 --> 00:46:38.540
Your marriage is going to have Hills and valleys.

692
00:46:38.740 --> 00:46:42.300
That's going to be the truth, but it doesn't have to have that type of Hill and Valley,

693
00:46:43.140 --> 00:46:43.380
you know?

694
00:46:43.740 --> 00:46:44.140
Yeah.

695
00:46:44.140 --> 00:46:44.960
That's why, yeah.

696
00:46:45.100 --> 00:46:48.720
We want to make sure that we have the right mindset going into marriage and what we're

697
00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:53.100
looking for, um, so that we can grow together, mature together.

698
00:46:53.240 --> 00:46:55.680
God's maturity plan for mankind is marriage.

699
00:46:55.980 --> 00:47:02.680
We were at a wedding yesterday and the officiant was from Africa and he was very funny and

700
00:47:02.680 --> 00:47:08.940
he said, nothing is going to, nothing is going to, um, you know, and I say this too, but

701
00:47:08.940 --> 00:47:10.640
the way he said it was just so much funnier.

702
00:47:10.840 --> 00:47:14.140
He said, nothing is going to refine you.

703
00:47:14.460 --> 00:47:18.860
Nothing is going to, you know, crash you out as hard as marriage is going to change you.

704
00:47:18.860 --> 00:47:23.940
It's going to, you know, it's going to mature you and it's supposed to, it's supposed to,

705
00:47:24.240 --> 00:47:26.020
but it's not supposed to destroy you.

706
00:47:26.260 --> 00:47:29.760
It's not supposed to, um, break your heart.

707
00:47:30.280 --> 00:47:32.260
You know, it is to refine you.

708
00:47:32.260 --> 00:47:36.280
Iron sharpening iron doesn't feel that great and there are going to be some sparks, but

709
00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:40.360
if you both love God and are following Christ, then it's going to be okay.

710
00:47:40.700 --> 00:47:46.840
Hey, um, I heard about what they say about the, on an online date on those apps, their

711
00:47:46.840 --> 00:47:47.180
profile.

712
00:47:47.180 --> 00:47:49.280
They say, we want a relationship with no drama.

713
00:47:49.820 --> 00:47:53.840
Well, the thing is that there's, there's going to be drama.

714
00:47:54.040 --> 00:47:56.840
Even I know I'm going to happen with my spear mate.

715
00:47:57.100 --> 00:48:01.360
Now there are two things I know it's either going to keep bring us to close the drama

716
00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:03.980
or bring us more together or bring us further apart.

717
00:48:04.200 --> 00:48:06.260
Either way, it's good.

718
00:48:06.260 --> 00:48:08.540
Drama isn't good, but it's going to happen.

719
00:48:08.640 --> 00:48:11.800
But the best thing we can do is get along and keep it to a minimum.

720
00:48:12.060 --> 00:48:12.980
It's true.

721
00:48:12.980 --> 00:48:13.460
Hunter.

722
00:48:13.460 --> 00:48:18.140
I love, I love how mature you've become in this program.

723
00:48:18.480 --> 00:48:21.820
And so let's take out the word drama and let's put in the word conflict.

724
00:48:22.720 --> 00:48:24.960
There's going to be conflict in your marriages.

725
00:48:25.140 --> 00:48:25.720
All of you.

726
00:48:26.480 --> 00:48:32.980
Now there might be some drama, um, on from the outside, but we can, we can make it so

727
00:48:32.980 --> 00:48:35.220
that there's no drama from the inside conflict.

728
00:48:35.480 --> 00:48:35.660
Yes.

729
00:48:35.660 --> 00:48:37.880
Because healthy conflict is what matures us.

730
00:48:38.120 --> 00:48:41.720
And if we know how to have healthy conflict that matures us.

731
00:48:42.360 --> 00:48:47.360
And so David and I made a, we made kind of a pact when we got married, that if there

732
00:48:47.360 --> 00:48:51.600
was going to be drama, specifically that word, that it was going to be coming at us from

733
00:48:51.600 --> 00:48:56.540
the outside and we were going to partner together to be able to weather that storm, but it wasn't

734
00:48:56.540 --> 00:49:02.840
ever going to be coming from the inside and you know, we've done our hard work.

735
00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:06.780
And so we continue to diffuse any bombs before they go off.

736
00:49:07.320 --> 00:49:07.720
Yeah.

737
00:49:07.720 --> 00:49:15.860
Our arguments don't last very long, not days before, before someone's laughing 30 minutes,

738
00:49:16.140 --> 00:49:16.780
the most.

739
00:49:17.040 --> 00:49:20.440
I once told David, I said, Hey, we had, we had a big argument.

740
00:49:20.780 --> 00:49:24.480
And I said, Oh, we had a big argument about something.

741
00:49:25.160 --> 00:49:27.580
And afterwards, like he said, it didn't last long.

742
00:49:27.740 --> 00:49:28.820
We were both laughing or whatever.

743
00:49:28.820 --> 00:49:30.020
And I walked into the room.

744
00:49:30.180 --> 00:49:32.880
He was in, I said, Hey, I was praying.

745
00:49:32.880 --> 00:49:38.000
And I just want you to know that Papa, Papa's mad at us, like God, you know, Papa's mad

746
00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:38.280
at us.

747
00:49:38.280 --> 00:49:40.160
And he goes, he is.

748
00:49:40.620 --> 00:49:43.620
And I go, well, he's really just mad at you.

749
00:49:46.580 --> 00:49:48.240
No, I said, he said, he is for what?

750
00:49:48.240 --> 00:49:49.620
And I said, because we're not acting right.

751
00:49:49.640 --> 00:49:53.600
And he goes, he was just looked at me and I was like, well, he's really just mad at

752
00:49:53.640 --> 00:49:53.960
you.

753
00:49:53.960 --> 00:49:54.180
Yeah.

754
00:49:55.120 --> 00:49:56.680
That's the kind of marriage we have.

755
00:49:56.680 --> 00:49:59.900
And then we both started laughing because I was just kidding and it was just funny.

756
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.260
I think David had a question, babe.

757
00:50:02.520 --> 00:50:04.300
Yeah, David, we'll take your question

758
00:50:04.300 --> 00:50:05.520
right here at the end.

759
00:50:05.700 --> 00:50:06.140
Okay.

760
00:50:06.220 --> 00:50:08.400
Okay, I was just gonna add in,

761
00:50:09.860 --> 00:50:12.240
I guess the difference between like trying to be right

762
00:50:12.240 --> 00:50:13.440
and you don't wanna conflate that

763
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:14.980
with feeling like you have no voice,

764
00:50:15.020 --> 00:50:16.760
but it's more of a heart healing issue

765
00:50:17.180 --> 00:50:19.540
and learning how to deal with conflict resolution.

766
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:20.360
Yeah.

767
00:50:21.120 --> 00:50:22.600
I'm recognizing that lately,

768
00:50:22.820 --> 00:50:24.100
especially over the last few days

769
00:50:24.520 --> 00:50:28.460
that like I do not do very good at conflict resolution.

770
00:50:28.460 --> 00:50:30.260
I see all conflict as negative.

771
00:50:30.560 --> 00:50:32.880
And of course that fits into the whole people pleasing thing

772
00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:36.160
and it's just a big trap.

773
00:50:36.520 --> 00:50:38.440
And I can get so caught up in that,

774
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:42.540
I can get to the point where, I don't know,

775
00:50:42.680 --> 00:50:44.840
sometimes I feel like, you know,

776
00:50:44.840 --> 00:50:46.500
things are good on the forgiveness level

777
00:50:46.500 --> 00:50:47.620
and when they're not,

778
00:50:49.020 --> 00:50:52.020
when there are things that have been buried under that,

779
00:50:52.340 --> 00:50:56.140
but I'm thankful to God for just forgiveness

780
00:50:56.140 --> 00:50:58.240
that I've been able to work through even some today.

781
00:50:58.900 --> 00:51:01.380
So that's like, I guess that's the earlier question

782
00:51:01.380 --> 00:51:03.780
of surrenders, just working through more forgiveness, so.

783
00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:05.040
Oh, that's good.

784
00:51:05.940 --> 00:51:08.280
And allowing my emotions to be felt,

785
00:51:08.460 --> 00:51:11.760
but not like pouring gasoline on them

786
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:13.760
because that's like the other extreme, you know,

787
00:51:13.800 --> 00:51:16.000
suppressing them and pouring gasoline on them,

788
00:51:16.000 --> 00:51:16.920
those are both bad,

789
00:51:17.260 --> 00:51:20.260
but like working through them in a healthy way is better.

790
00:51:20.760 --> 00:51:21.260
So yeah.

791
00:51:21.640 --> 00:51:25.020
Did you listen to the Sunday night call last night

792
00:51:25.020 --> 00:51:26.160
about forgiveness?

793
00:51:28.200 --> 00:51:31.300
Yeah, I actually just was able to listen

794
00:51:31.300 --> 00:51:33.860
to the rest of the part I got on late last night.

795
00:51:33.860 --> 00:51:35.740
So, but I listened to that

796
00:51:35.740 --> 00:51:37.880
just before tonight's call here now.

797
00:51:38.260 --> 00:51:39.520
Awesome, that's really great.

798
00:51:40.480 --> 00:51:44.760
And, you know, and right there, David Wright saying that,

799
00:51:44.780 --> 00:51:45.740
you know, his dad was a lawyer,

800
00:51:45.740 --> 00:51:48.980
so they grew up wanting to win the argument to be right.

801
00:51:49.060 --> 00:51:52.160
So a lot of you have grown up with male role models

802
00:51:52.160 --> 00:51:55.480
or you've seen men that they just want to be right.

803
00:51:55.900 --> 00:51:57.580
That's all that matters is that they're right.

804
00:51:57.600 --> 00:51:59.700
It's all about ego, right?

805
00:51:59.700 --> 00:52:00.760
It's all about pride.

806
00:52:00.960 --> 00:52:03.400
And there's women like this too, not just men,

807
00:52:04.080 --> 00:52:05.700
that want to have the last word.

808
00:52:05.880 --> 00:52:07.140
Have you ever known someone

809
00:52:07.140 --> 00:52:08.160
who just wanted to have the last word?

810
00:52:09.540 --> 00:52:10.980
They just couldn't let it go.

811
00:52:11.880 --> 00:52:13.440
Like you would think that it's resolved

812
00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:15.580
and then they just had to say one more thing,

813
00:52:17.340 --> 00:52:19.220
because they just want to have the last word.

814
00:52:19.320 --> 00:52:20.700
We all know people like that.

815
00:52:20.700 --> 00:52:23.020
Some of us may have been people like that.

816
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:26.440
And you always lose.

817
00:52:27.440 --> 00:52:29.160
Whoever has the last word loses.

818
00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:30.700
I just want to let you know that.

819
00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:31.400


820
00:52:32.060 --> 00:52:37.600
Another thing I discovered about when I was in Greece

821
00:52:37.600 --> 00:52:40.200
and I see other couples who are shopping,

822
00:52:40.740 --> 00:52:43.580
that when they go, I could go through a shopping area,

823
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:46.080
a plaza for 20 minutes, but when you're married,

824
00:52:46.080 --> 00:52:47.720
it'll take 45 minutes,

825
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:51.340
because she has to shop a lot, constantly.

826
00:52:51.520 --> 00:52:54.360
And I'm thinking, why do you have to do this?

827
00:52:54.500 --> 00:52:55.900
She goes, and she asked,

828
00:52:56.140 --> 00:52:57.720
does this dress make me look fantastic?

829
00:52:57.860 --> 00:52:59.680
Yes, it does or no, it doesn't.

830
00:52:59.800 --> 00:53:00.520
What's the challenge?

831
00:53:00.660 --> 00:53:01.320
What's my challenge?

832
00:53:01.720 --> 00:53:02.300
If I'm right-

833
00:53:02.300 --> 00:53:03.660
Hunter, the answer is always no.

834
00:53:03.900 --> 00:53:04.600
Always no.

835
00:53:04.620 --> 00:53:05.560
Always no.

836
00:53:05.920 --> 00:53:07.900
Even if I'm right or-

837
00:53:07.900 --> 00:53:09.180
No, always no.

838
00:53:09.200 --> 00:53:14.000
If it's your woman, the answer is always no to anything.

839
00:53:14.000 --> 00:53:16.480
To anything negative she says about herself,

840
00:53:16.840 --> 00:53:19.340
the answer is always no, babe, you're beautiful.

841
00:53:20.060 --> 00:53:22.300
Yeah, constantly, I'm just like, hey.

842
00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:25.720
Can I say, it'll look a little, it's fine,

843
00:53:25.800 --> 00:53:27.940
but it'll look a little better if you did this.

844
00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:30.060
No. No.

845
00:53:30.240 --> 00:53:31.000
That doesn't work.

846
00:53:31.160 --> 00:53:32.580
Let her girlfriends tell her that.

847
00:53:32.740 --> 00:53:33.260
That's right.

848
00:53:34.620 --> 00:53:36.740
Okay, so you guys,

849
00:53:36.780 --> 00:53:39.300
you don't want to be in what we call the drift,

850
00:53:39.640 --> 00:53:40.860
which is, you know, Louis,

851
00:53:40.980 --> 00:53:42.580
we've all been part of a training program

852
00:53:42.580 --> 00:53:45.080
that's taught us that if we want to be right,

853
00:53:45.080 --> 00:53:46.220
we're already wrong.

854
00:53:46.980 --> 00:53:49.420
We want to look good, we already look bad.

855
00:53:49.440 --> 00:53:50.560
And if we want to be in control,

856
00:53:50.560 --> 00:53:52.040
we're already not in control.

857
00:53:52.320 --> 00:53:54.920
And so it's important that you guys remember that.

858
00:53:54.920 --> 00:53:56.540
I want you to give the guys group

859
00:53:56.540 --> 00:53:58.260
the self-defense mechanisms worksheet

860
00:53:58.720 --> 00:54:01.680
and have them find out which ones they're operating in.

861
00:54:02.300 --> 00:54:04.780
So we're going to give you guys a worksheet

862
00:54:04.920 --> 00:54:06.900
that we usually just give in Symbus,

863
00:54:07.440 --> 00:54:09.560
but I really feel like it would be great for you guys.

864
00:54:09.560 --> 00:54:12.640
And it has about 50 self-defense,

865
00:54:12.760 --> 00:54:14.760
I call them self-preservation techniques

866
00:54:14.940 --> 00:54:18.340
that we operate in when we want to be right,

867
00:54:18.520 --> 00:54:20.060
or we want to be heard,

868
00:54:20.540 --> 00:54:24.280
or we're afraid and, you know, we're in conflict.

869
00:54:24.580 --> 00:54:27.920
So think of the fight, flight, fawn, freeze.

870
00:54:28.300 --> 00:54:30.600
So all these 50 types of things.

871
00:54:30.780 --> 00:54:33.560
So like intellectualizing, justifying.

872
00:54:33.740 --> 00:54:35.400
We have any intellectualizers here?

873
00:54:35.500 --> 00:54:37.720
You get into a conflict with someone and you start,

874
00:54:38.240 --> 00:54:41.180
you know, just all up here, nothing here,

875
00:54:41.260 --> 00:54:42.840
no feeling, it's all in the brain.

876
00:54:43.040 --> 00:54:45.840
You're analyzing, you're intellectualizing the problem

877
00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:48.980
with the person in relationship instead of, you know,

878
00:54:49.080 --> 00:54:50.180
coming from your heart center.

879
00:54:50.620 --> 00:54:51.720
Does anyone withdraw?

880
00:54:52.000 --> 00:54:55.260
Does anyone isolate when they get upset about something?

881
00:54:55.380 --> 00:54:57.000
You just kind of withdraw from the conversation.

882
00:54:57.220 --> 00:54:58.860
You get quiet, you walk away.

883
00:54:59.240 --> 00:54:59.920
Some people.

884
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.640
runaway, some people medicate, alcohol, porn.

885
00:55:06.140 --> 00:55:07.680
What are some other medicators?

886
00:55:08.740 --> 00:55:08.740


887
00:55:09.600 --> 00:55:10.000
Sports, work.

888
00:55:11.540 --> 00:55:11.540


889
00:55:11.540 --> 00:55:11.700
Whatever.

890
00:55:12.580 --> 00:55:15.820
That would be, by the way, that would be a form of flight.

891
00:55:17.240 --> 00:55:18.940
Because instead of dealing with the problem,

892
00:55:19.000 --> 00:55:22.940
you're fleeing it through escapism of one of these things.

893
00:55:23.060 --> 00:55:25.060
And so I want you just to go through the worksheet

894
00:55:25.060 --> 00:55:29.060
and just circle all the ones that you've ever operated in

895
00:55:29.060 --> 00:55:31.580
or that you're currently operating in.

896
00:55:31.700 --> 00:55:35.080
And then next Monday, you guys can talk through that

897
00:55:35.080 --> 00:55:36.460
so that you can find out,

898
00:55:36.580 --> 00:55:40.580
hey, what's behind this self-preservation technique?

899
00:55:40.580 --> 00:55:42.500
Because those don't work in relationship.

900
00:55:43.080 --> 00:55:46.100
What works in relationship is if you show up

901
00:55:46.100 --> 00:55:46.940
and you are vulnerable.

902
00:55:47.820 --> 00:55:50.360
The more vulnerable you can learn how to be right now

903
00:55:50.360 --> 00:55:53.900
as a single man, the better you're gonna date,

904
00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:55.760
the better you're gonna mate,

905
00:55:56.280 --> 00:55:58.680
and the better that you're going to be in marriage.

906
00:55:59.220 --> 00:55:59.620
Yeah.

907
00:56:00.340 --> 00:56:00.740
Cool.

908
00:56:01.260 --> 00:56:01.520
That's good.

909
00:56:02.240 --> 00:56:03.900
Aren't you glad that I just came over here

910
00:56:03.900 --> 00:56:05.480
and added my little girl touch?

911
00:56:05.480 --> 00:56:06.680
Yeah, it's all good, babe.

912
00:56:06.860 --> 00:56:09.040
A little feminine touch to you.

913
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:09.760
Good.

914
00:56:10.260 --> 00:56:12.720
And when, you know, and I beat him up a lot.

915
00:56:12.960 --> 00:56:14.440
He lets me beat him up.

916
00:56:15.580 --> 00:56:17.000
I don't have to go over to the gym.

917
00:56:17.080 --> 00:56:18.060
She just beats me up.

918
00:56:18.080 --> 00:56:20.480
So I just kind of pick her up and like,

919
00:56:21.060 --> 00:56:23.660
press a couple times, like just.

920
00:56:23.660 --> 00:56:25.440
And he always wins the thumb wrestle too,

921
00:56:25.440 --> 00:56:28.020
because he's got weird, strong thumbs.

922
00:56:29.740 --> 00:56:30.140
Sorry.

923
00:56:31.820 --> 00:56:34.660
David, you said we would circle back to my quick share.

924
00:56:34.720 --> 00:56:35.540
Is that okay, or?

925
00:56:35.620 --> 00:56:36.160
Yeah, sure.

926
00:56:36.180 --> 00:56:37.160
Yeah, let's hear it.

927
00:56:38.180 --> 00:56:40.540
So I think, oh, sorry, one sec.

928
00:56:44.140 --> 00:56:45.140
Sorry, sorry.

929
00:56:45.280 --> 00:56:47.140
I think for me, like,

930
00:56:47.140 --> 00:56:51.260
so I had a conversation with Phoebe this week, yesterday,

931
00:56:51.740 --> 00:56:53.960
and I just was like asking her out,

932
00:56:53.960 --> 00:56:56.620
like to go for like a level two, like low commitment,

933
00:56:57.680 --> 00:56:59.460
just go for a walk, meet halfway.

934
00:57:00.560 --> 00:57:02.820
And I was shocked by her answer.

935
00:57:03.040 --> 00:57:06.520
She just said that, she couldn't answer yes or no,

936
00:57:06.520 --> 00:57:07.700
but she just said, you know what, David?

937
00:57:08.020 --> 00:57:10.580
Like, you are the exact person that I'm looking for.

938
00:57:11.160 --> 00:57:12.940
You're someone that I really, really care about.

939
00:57:12.980 --> 00:57:15.120
And she said, I just don't know how open I am.

940
00:57:15.520 --> 00:57:18.260
And I don't know, yeah.

941
00:57:18.260 --> 00:57:21.320
She said like, I don't know if I am healthy enough

942
00:57:21.640 --> 00:57:23.640
to be with someone as secure as you,

943
00:57:23.640 --> 00:57:24.440
but she just said,

944
00:57:24.900 --> 00:57:26.800
you are exactly the kind of man I'm looking for.

945
00:57:26.840 --> 00:57:29.680
And my kind answer to her was, I just said, you know what?

946
00:57:30.260 --> 00:57:32.620
Like, I am happy to wait as long as you need an answer.

947
00:57:32.720 --> 00:57:33.920
Like, if it's a no, I'm happy.

948
00:57:34.040 --> 00:57:35.080
If it's a yes, I'm happy.

949
00:57:35.860 --> 00:57:37.520
But you just take all the time you need

950
00:57:37.580 --> 00:57:41.000
and get back to me when you're ready to say yes or no.

951
00:57:42.780 --> 00:57:43.180
Wow.

952
00:57:44.520 --> 00:57:46.180
Have we been out with her before, Phoebe?

953
00:57:47.520 --> 00:57:48.320
Yes, yeah.

954
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:51.780
So Phoebe and I went out three times

955
00:57:51.780 --> 00:57:54.560
and we talked every single day,

956
00:57:54.760 --> 00:57:55.900
used to text every single day.

957
00:57:56.040 --> 00:57:58.380
And then there was a really bad push and pull.

958
00:57:58.500 --> 00:58:00.680
And then she let me know about the heart work.

959
00:58:00.920 --> 00:58:02.940
And then I didn't talk to her for six months.

960
00:58:02.940 --> 00:58:05.220
And then she wrote me a huge letter saying,

961
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:06.160
I really care about you.

962
00:58:06.320 --> 00:58:07.820
I've never felt this way about anybody before.

963
00:58:08.420 --> 00:58:10.600
And then there was another big push and pull.

964
00:58:10.820 --> 00:58:14.360
And so we've recently started talking again.

965
00:58:15.000 --> 00:58:16.920
So we've had, this is our third call

966
00:58:17.600 --> 00:58:19.280
we've had in the last two weeks.

967
00:58:19.580 --> 00:58:20.380
So yeah.

968
00:58:21.320 --> 00:58:23.700
Okay, and so Phoebe's the person

969
00:58:23.700 --> 00:58:24.860
that brought you into our community?

970
00:58:25.740 --> 00:58:26.100
Yes.

971
00:58:26.540 --> 00:58:26.900
Okay.

972
00:58:27.160 --> 00:58:28.540
And when you say push and pull,

973
00:58:28.740 --> 00:58:30.180
who was pushing and who was pulling?

974
00:58:32.180 --> 00:58:32.980
Phoebe was both.

975
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:35.480
Okay, so she's a disordered attacher,

976
00:58:35.700 --> 00:58:37.320
which is what I was gonna say from the very beginning.

977
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:38.480
Yes.

978
00:58:38.780 --> 00:58:40.680
And I'm a secure attacher.

979
00:58:41.140 --> 00:58:41.620
Right.

980
00:58:42.200 --> 00:58:42.580
Okay.

981
00:58:44.220 --> 00:58:45.180
So, yeah.

982
00:58:45.620 --> 00:58:48.000
So Phoebe isn't really quite sure what she wants.

983
00:58:48.080 --> 00:58:49.560
She wants to be treated well,

984
00:58:49.560 --> 00:58:51.440
but when she's treated well,

985
00:58:51.600 --> 00:58:56.740
then she either A, doesn't find that exciting enough

986
00:58:57.280 --> 00:59:00.020
and causes conflict to make it more exciting,

987
00:59:01.560 --> 00:59:04.700
which is probably the most accurate statement

988
00:59:05.400 --> 00:59:07.380
about what's happening here.

989
00:59:07.440 --> 00:59:08.840
And when I say causes drama,

990
00:59:08.840 --> 00:59:10.040
it doesn't have to be huge drama.

991
00:59:10.080 --> 00:59:12.420
It just has to be, causes some kind of tension

992
00:59:12.420 --> 00:59:14.640
in order to make it more exciting of a chase

993
00:59:14.640 --> 00:59:17.420
or of a, just of a situation.

994
00:59:18.200 --> 00:59:22.260
And, or, you know, she gets afraid

995
00:59:22.260 --> 00:59:24.000
and becomes a little bit of avoidant,

996
00:59:24.300 --> 00:59:27.680
starts finding fault and, you know, picking things apart.

997
00:59:28.260 --> 00:59:30.300
So both of those things can be true.

998
00:59:30.320 --> 00:59:32.920
It can be, you know, not either or, but both and.

999
00:59:33.680 --> 00:59:35.520
I'm sort of familiar with that name, Phoebe,

1000
00:59:35.860 --> 00:59:37.900
cause it's a very unusual, like, you know,

1001
00:59:38.060 --> 00:59:39.360
a unique name, not unusual.

1002
00:59:40.800 --> 00:59:42.920
And so, yeah.

1003
00:59:42.920 --> 00:59:46.120
So I would, I would continue to date other people.

1004
00:59:46.860 --> 00:59:48.540
Yeah. And I am.

1005
00:59:48.980 --> 00:59:50.460
Yeah. And that's what you should do.

1006
00:59:50.640 --> 00:59:51.940
I think you should continue to date other people,

1007
00:59:52.100 --> 00:59:54.480
but also because you've had push and pull in the past

1008
00:59:54.600 --> 00:59:56.980
and now she's back and she seems like she's,

1009
00:59:57.380 --> 00:59:58.680
even though what she said was nice,

1010
00:59:58.760 --> 00:59:59.980
like, oh, you're everything that I'm.

1011
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.400
looking for, I was going to tell you when a woman meets a man and she's marriage minded

1012
01:00:04.400 --> 01:00:09.800
and he's everything she's looking for, then it's on like Donkey Kong. Okay. It's not like,

1013
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:15.140
Oh, I have to go think about it. No. So that's more push pull. It's just nicer. Right? It's

1014
01:00:16.080 --> 01:00:16.800
just palatable.

1015
01:00:18.420 --> 01:00:21.660
Her big thing is she just says, she's like, I don't want to hurt you. She's like, I don't

1016
01:00:21.660 --> 01:00:25.440
want to be like one of the people who's hurt you. And she's like, I just feel like I could

1017
01:00:25.440 --> 01:00:29.300
hurt you and I don't want to. And, and she's like, honestly, she's like, I don't get it.

1018
01:00:29.300 --> 01:00:32.640
I don't get why you're even messing with me, Dave. Cause she's like, literally you could

1019
01:00:32.640 --> 01:00:36.600
date anyone you want. Why are you, why are you messing with me? Someone who has not treated

1020
01:00:36.600 --> 01:00:40.740
you well. She's like, I haven't left you better than I've found you constantly. And yet you're

1021
01:00:40.740 --> 01:00:41.540
still here.

1022
01:00:42.240 --> 01:00:49.160
Yeah. Yeah. That's major friend zone language. Yeah. Women say that when they're trying to

1023
01:00:49.160 --> 01:00:55.500
let us down easily because they don't have the bandwidth for deeper intimacy. So I'm

1024
01:00:55.500 --> 01:01:00.320
not saying she doesn't believe that about you. I'm saying that that is her way of, you

1025
01:01:00.580 --> 01:01:05.180
know you know, telling you that she can't have deeper intimacy. And so I definitely

1026
01:01:05.180 --> 01:01:09.560
would have weighed on her. I would be thankful that she brought you here to this community

1027
01:01:09.560 --> 01:01:14.380
where we have at least 2000 other single women that would like to meet you.

1028
01:01:14.380 --> 01:01:17.720
And that's, and that's also, I know, I know you're stronger than this. I know, I know

1029
01:01:17.720 --> 01:01:22.320
you can see, see that. And I, and I know that you're processing this correctly, but also

1030
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:30.740
don't let that be a disqualifier for you. Not at all. Because you definitely have talked

1031
01:01:30.740 --> 01:01:36.320
and shown and proven, you know, your growth, all the people that are telling you that they're,

1032
01:01:36.640 --> 01:01:39.880
they can't believe that you're so different and whatever, all the people that know you

1033
01:01:39.880 --> 01:01:45.540
in proximity and so forth, those, that's the truth. So don't let that, just that one comment

1034
01:01:45.900 --> 01:01:48.020
be like a disqualifier for you.

1035
01:01:49.800 --> 01:01:53.640
Yeah, I don't think it's a disqualifier at all. I, I'm actually, I'm just proud of it.

1036
01:01:53.640 --> 01:01:54.520
And you know what, like,

1037
01:01:54.800 --> 01:01:55.440
That's good.

1038
01:01:55.500 --> 01:01:59.080
Yeah, I just think it's great. And, and you know what, to me, she was just somebody that

1039
01:01:59.080 --> 01:02:03.200
dug a hole in the roof and lowered me down to Jesus. You know, the friends that they,

1040
01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:04.220
I love it.

1041
01:02:04.380 --> 01:02:08.800
Amen. You know what, and even though she was wounded, she still did that. And hey, she

1042
01:02:08.800 --> 01:02:12.680
was like, I can't heal you, but I'm going to, Jesus will, but I'm going to introduce

1043
01:02:12.680 --> 01:02:16.900
you to a community of people that are going to help you get to where you need to go. Amen.

1044
01:02:16.900 --> 01:02:22.040
That's incredible. So, and in that sense, that holds value to me in a human level, not

1045
01:02:22.040 --> 01:02:26.140
in a romantic level, but just human to human. That was, that was why that's meaningful,

1046
01:02:26.540 --> 01:02:27.040
but yeah.

1047
01:02:27.160 --> 01:02:31.900
Yeah, no, that's very meaningful. And you know, I've really been praying, you guys,

1048
01:02:31.940 --> 01:02:36.520
I'm going to continue to pray, but my prayer is, and it's always this at the end of the

1049
01:02:36.640 --> 01:02:43.340
year that any situationships, anything that's really not worth our time to continue to pursue

1050
01:02:43.340 --> 01:02:47.680
because it's not going to bear fruit, whether it's relationships or something else, some

1051
01:02:47.680 --> 01:02:53.000
other course that we're on, that's just kind of dead ending that we leave it in 2025. And

1052
01:02:53.000 --> 01:02:56.840
we enter into 2026, you know, ready to be fruitful.

1053
01:02:56.980 --> 01:03:02.280
That's why the surrender word is really important on this season, because it's the time of year

1054
01:03:02.460 --> 01:03:06.680
where we're celebrating, we're bringing the year to a close, but it's a perfect, just,

1055
01:03:06.680 --> 01:03:11.120
you know, prophetic, spiritual, supernatural time to just let go and surrender things,

1056
01:03:11.120 --> 01:03:15.320
walk away from things that need to be walked away from surrender. Things need to be surrendered,

1057
01:03:15.600 --> 01:03:22.340
give up things that need to be given, given up, lay down things that like, if it's a,

1058
01:03:22.340 --> 01:03:26.560
if it's a fight, if it's a, if it's a contending for, if it's something that you're still trying

1059
01:03:26.560 --> 01:03:32.340
to like, Oh, be angsty about, put that down, put the sword down. It's just time to do that.

1060
01:03:32.400 --> 01:03:37.680
So just think about and dwell upon as we're closing this out here on what it is that,

1061
01:03:37.680 --> 01:03:46.060
you know, the Lord is life or whatever it is. It's asking you to surrender it, surrender

1062
01:03:46.060 --> 01:03:50.740
it, let it go, release it. All of that. It's, it's, it's the season to do that.

1063
01:03:50.780 --> 01:03:56.340
And I believe by this time next year, all of you will either be married already, or

1064
01:03:56.340 --> 01:04:04.420
you'll be in a very serious engagement, you know, type covenant promised relationship.

1065
01:04:04.420 --> 01:04:09.760
There isn't a reason, there isn't a reason why that can't happen. And when I say you

1066
01:04:09.760 --> 01:04:15.040
won't, for those of you that are not married, you know, by this time next year, it's because,

1067
01:04:15.100 --> 01:04:18.880
you know, you've chosen to let that courtship be longer, but I believe all of you will be

1068
01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:23.160
in a serious marriage minded courtship by this time next year. If you just apply these

1069
01:04:23.160 --> 01:04:27.680
truths, because remember the ball's really in your court. I know that men think, Oh,

1070
01:04:27.680 --> 01:04:33.160
you know, there's no women out there that are interested in me. You are the, you're

1071
01:04:33.160 --> 01:04:39.680
the unicorns. Okay. You guys, there's, there's, there's a million women out there, you know,

1072
01:04:39.680 --> 01:04:45.320
that want to meet you, even if you don't really believe that about yourself. And so, um, you

1073
01:04:45.320 --> 01:04:51.860
definitely have the upper hand here. So let's, let's ask God to play matchmaker to Proverbs

1074
01:04:51.860 --> 01:04:59.020
18, 22, you open your eyes, let you see, you know, promising prospect of women around you

1075
01:04:59.020 --> 01:04:59.560
in community.

1076
01:04:59.560 --> 01:04:59.980
And in your life.

1077
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.460
life. And we'll get moving forward on that.

1078
01:05:02.840 --> 01:05:02.900
Amen.

1079
01:05:03.720 --> 01:05:05.380
Father God, thank you for these gentlemen,

1080
01:05:05.700 --> 01:05:06.940
these men that are here tonight.

1081
01:05:07.060 --> 01:05:09.420
We just bless them, speak life over them.

1082
01:05:09.580 --> 01:05:11.200
We speak healing and breakthrough.

1083
01:05:11.420 --> 01:05:13.600
We speak right now, Lord, that this holiday season,

1084
01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:15.840
what would be a season of celebration,

1085
01:05:15.840 --> 01:05:19.920
would be a season of joy, would be a season of uplift,

1086
01:05:19.940 --> 01:05:21.720
would be a season of refreshment,

1087
01:05:21.740 --> 01:05:25.740
would also be a season of just undoing,

1088
01:05:25.740 --> 01:05:27.960
giving away, letting go and releasing

1089
01:05:28.640 --> 01:05:30.200
so that they get into the better

1090
01:05:30.200 --> 01:05:32.320
and the other things that you have for them.

1091
01:05:32.840 --> 01:05:33.900
In Jesus name we pray.

1092
01:05:34.760 --> 01:05:34.760


1093
01:05:34.760 --> 01:05:35.520
Amen. Amen.

1094
01:05:35.800 --> 01:05:36.320
Love you guys.

1095
01:05:36.600 --> 01:05:38.440
God bless you guys.

1096
01:05:38.740 --> 01:05:39.400
See you man.

1097
01:05:39.420 --> 01:05:39.880
See you next time.

1098
01:05:39.920 --> 01:05:40.740
Thank you.

1099
01:05:41.120 --> 01:05:41.460
See ya.

1100
01:05:41.740 --> 01:05:41.840
Thank you.

1101
01:05:42.100 --> 01:05:42.420
See ya.