WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.080 Hey there, everybody. 2 00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:08.520 Happy New Year. 3 00:00:08.520 --> 00:00:10.520 I am so excited. 4 00:00:10.520 --> 00:00:12.280 It's 2026. 5 00:00:12.280 --> 00:00:17.920 Unfortunately, I have the flu. 6 00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:22.280 I did not get it from the grandbabies and thankfully they did not get it from me. 7 00:00:22.280 --> 00:00:28.120 They're still well, but I did get mowed down by this virus. 8 00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:34.280 I think I actually got it at a wedding that I was at right before the holidays, but I 9 00:00:34.280 --> 00:00:41.880 started to show signs of it on the 27th and it is lingering. 10 00:00:41.880 --> 00:00:45.280 We have one of our beautiful, amazing coaches, Erin Joy. 11 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:52.080 She is going to be leading you guys tonight in what I think is going to be a fun time 12 00:00:52.080 --> 00:00:55.160 of just community banter. 13 00:00:55.160 --> 00:00:59.680 You get to kind of voice some of your own opinions about some dating questions tonight 14 00:00:59.680 --> 00:01:05.960 with Erin at the helm, kind of making sure everything stays directed in the right direction. 15 00:01:05.960 --> 00:01:11.760 But also, I'm sorry, I don't want to start coughing. 16 00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:19.040 Also, I think it would be fun for you to share any of your maybe dating New Year's resolutions. 17 00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:21.760 What are some things that you're going to leave in 25? 18 00:01:21.800 --> 00:01:25.240 What are some things that you were doing that you know doesn't work and you're not going 19 00:01:25.240 --> 00:01:26.240 to do it in 26? 20 00:01:26.240 --> 00:01:30.400 I think it could be fun to have a little round robin of that. 21 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:32.400 You guys can learn from each other. 22 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:38.080 You know, we are a peer-based, community-based matchmaking community. 23 00:01:38.080 --> 00:01:40.680 And so I don't think you guys hear from each other enough. 24 00:01:40.680 --> 00:01:45.200 And so maybe we'll make this a regular thing because I know a lot of you have a lot of 25 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:46.800 wisdom to share. 26 00:01:46.800 --> 00:01:49.240 And I think it would be great for you to share that. 27 00:01:49.240 --> 00:01:54.520 For those that wanted to jump in the love seat tonight, and you were so excited about, 28 00:01:54.520 --> 00:02:00.160 you know, hearing back from me on your issue, I have your love seat questions. 29 00:02:00.160 --> 00:02:04.040 And hopefully I will feel much better in a couple more days. 30 00:02:04.040 --> 00:02:08.759 I'm going to make a video answering those questions and I will post it in your groups. 31 00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:09.759 Okay? 32 00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:18.200 Also, I am hoping to be perky and healthy for Supernatural Saturday. 33 00:02:18.200 --> 00:02:19.200 Please don't miss it. 34 00:02:19.200 --> 00:02:21.360 It's going to be epic. 35 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:24.640 God has put a lot of things on my heart for 2026. 36 00:02:24.640 --> 00:02:27.360 And I'm going to share all of that with you. 37 00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:31.120 And so if you've been feeling even a little bit down and discouraged, you're going to 38 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:36.760 be very, very empowered and encouraged on Saturday. 39 00:02:36.760 --> 00:02:37.760 Okay? 40 00:02:37.760 --> 00:02:44.840 And not just hype and prophetic, but also some practical partnership that we can do 41 00:02:44.840 --> 00:02:53.080 in order to really make 2026 the year that God said it could be. 42 00:02:53.080 --> 00:02:56.360 All right, you guys, I don't want you to hear me clearing my throat for the rest of the 43 00:02:56.360 --> 00:02:57.360 night. 44 00:02:57.360 --> 00:02:58.360 Love you. 45 00:02:58.360 --> 00:02:59.360 Happy New Year. 46 00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:00.360 Hey, all. 47 00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:01.360 Yeah. 48 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:06.280 Happy New Year to you, to us, to all of us. 49 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:09.840 It's going to be a great year. 50 00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:12.760 Those of you who hopped on a little bit late, Jackie's under the weather. 51 00:03:12.760 --> 00:03:19.680 So we are doing a different thing that was another alternative for tonight. 52 00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:24.960 And a couple of housekeeping things as we start out. 53 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:29.200 I probably know most of you, maybe all of you. 54 00:03:29.200 --> 00:03:33.440 I think we have some phase one and phase two folks in this crew also. 55 00:03:33.440 --> 00:03:35.400 So maybe I haven't met you yet. 56 00:03:35.400 --> 00:03:40.080 I'm one of the coaches for the phase three team. 57 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:45.360 And my name's Erin Joy Crossfield, and I've been in the community for a while. 58 00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:52.240 And so starting out with some housekeeping stuff, times and seasons, that is coming up 59 00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:58.300 so soon on January 4th, which is imminent because it's already January 1st. 60 00:03:58.300 --> 00:04:03.200 If you haven't yet seen where to go to sign up, go to the app, go to the resources. 61 00:04:03.200 --> 00:04:04.200 There is a link there. 62 00:04:04.200 --> 00:04:05.600 You can sign up for that. 63 00:04:05.600 --> 00:04:10.960 It's going to be really, really helpful for us as we sync our lives up with what God has 64 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:13.920 planned for our lives for the next year. 65 00:04:13.920 --> 00:04:21.800 Yeah, so one of the things that, let's start with exactly what Jackie said. 66 00:04:21.800 --> 00:04:31.500 Let's put, let's volunteer if anybody's willing to raise their hand and share what their dating 67 00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:34.760 resolutions are for the next year. 68 00:04:34.760 --> 00:04:40.240 Things that you've tried and are moving away from, things that you want to move into. 69 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:42.800 Raise your hand, I'll go ahead and call on you. 70 00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:48.440 After this, I have a couple of other panel questions for us. 71 00:04:48.440 --> 00:04:53.520 Things like who has really great ideas for long distance dates, who has really great 72 00:04:53.520 --> 00:04:59.440 ideas for free dates, because we're on budgets around this place. 73 00:04:59.440 --> 00:05:00.440 Okay. 74 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:06.760 questions about who's got good tips for zoom and video date camera setups that 75 00:05:00.440 --> 00:05:01.440 Great. 76 00:05:01.440 --> 00:05:01.440 77 00:05:06.760 --> 00:05:10.560 kind of thing I'm particularly aware of that one because I'm on Christmas 78 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:15.040 vacation myself and so I am like holed up in my parents guest bedroom and this 79 00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:20.080 is not not not the norm so what do we do when we're in the not the norm we cull 80 00:05:20.080 --> 00:05:23.600 the wisdom of the group and that's y'all so that'll be something we can talk 81 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:28.600 about a little bit later um yeah so if you have a question you'd like do you 82 00:05:28.600 --> 00:05:32.080 think would be a good panel for a panel discussion question something that you'd 83 00:05:32.080 --> 00:05:35.920 like to get the wisdom of our community we all have been dating for a while 84 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:39.480 we've got some good wisdom on these topics in addition to all the good 85 00:05:39.480 --> 00:05:43.080 wisdom that we get from Jackie and the coaching team go ahead and drop those 86 00:05:43.080 --> 00:05:46.520 questions in the chat and then after you do the ones that I plan we will pull 87 00:05:46.520 --> 00:05:51.320 some of those and and work through let's start with dating resolutions is anybody 88 00:05:51.320 --> 00:05:55.800 willing to say yes raise my little avatar hand I have something that I 89 00:05:55.800 --> 00:06:01.400 think it's gonna be a good resolution for my dating future for 2026 90 00:06:06.840 --> 00:06:14.240 I think I see some mouths moving but no volume off so maybe it was just people 91 00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:21.200 sneezing I come from a long line of people with the gift of gab so I would 92 00:06:21.200 --> 00:06:24.160 be happy to tell you all about my dating adventures but that's not what we're 93 00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:32.040 here for that's uh let's see nice danger Dave I see danger Dave you're 94 00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:36.880 here can you give us some something you're envisioning for a dating 95 00:06:36.880 --> 00:06:41.920 resolution for 2026 and then I think Helen Sokal did you do your pop on 96 00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:49.600 you'll be you'll go next if you're willing yeah so oh man Aaron you threw 97 00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:54.760 me right under the bus but it's okay I'm gonna throw into the bus here yeah 98 00:06:54.760 --> 00:07:00.640 I'm ready I'm buckled in I've got my helmet I'm ready to handle the impact so 99 00:07:00.640 --> 00:07:05.120 I think so your question was what's a dating resolution for 2025 or 2026 100 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:09.200 sorry yeah for 2026 what's a dating resolution for you something you want to 101 00:07:09.200 --> 00:07:14.440 move into or something you want to move away from yeah so I think for me it's 102 00:07:14.440 --> 00:07:20.080 stop entering into the worthiness trap so I I think like I've struggled for a 103 00:07:20.080 --> 00:07:24.480 long time of like trying to prove that I'm worthy so like I'll find someone 104 00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:29.920 who's really not a good match for me but it's just because I feel like oh if I 105 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:34.240 can prove myself worthy with this person then I'll feel like I'm worthy even 106 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:39.960 though I know who I am in Christ and and I think like that's something that like 107 00:07:39.960 --> 00:07:43.400 God's been working on me and it's like hey I've always known who I am but it's 108 00:07:43.400 --> 00:07:48.120 like it's like no no more worthiness trap no more trying to prove who I am 109 00:07:48.120 --> 00:07:53.520 and just knowing who I am and walking in that and like I also realized today that 110 00:07:53.520 --> 00:07:57.880 like the reason why I kept falling into that was because I was the one that was 111 00:07:57.880 --> 00:08:03.480 like setting the game pieces and setting it up so that like I would constantly be 112 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:07.160 in that because I was trying to prove myself 113 00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:15.560 that's awesome okay yeah well dating out of an established identity instead of to 114 00:08:15.560 --> 00:08:19.880 prove yourself I love that Helen did I he see you right to your did 115 00:08:19.880 --> 00:08:27.480 your thing flash Helen Sokal yeah so this is my first time in phase three so 116 00:08:27.480 --> 00:08:31.760 bear with me if I don't follow the right protocol and I will be on camera next 117 00:08:31.760 --> 00:08:37.140 time that's that that is one of my new resolutions is to be camera ready like 118 00:08:37.140 --> 00:08:42.700 Renee said and fit her face to videos but you mentioned more of a collective 119 00:08:42.700 --> 00:08:47.140 wisdom or leaning on collective wisdom so I guess I'll ask a question of what 120 00:08:47.140 --> 00:08:52.460 I've done in 25 and you guys can maybe counsel me on 26 but with the I'm on 121 00:08:52.460 --> 00:08:59.420 Facebook dating and then on arc and I resolved to I can initiate like a wave 122 00:08:59.420 --> 00:09:03.780 or something like that I like or whatever but the message the first 123 00:09:03.780 --> 00:09:07.620 message needs to come from the guy and and that's what I've been doing I've 124 00:09:07.620 --> 00:09:14.180 just been responding message wise to only guys who message me first and I 125 00:09:14.180 --> 00:09:16.700 don't know if that's right or wrong or maybe there's no right or wrong I don't 126 00:09:16.700 --> 00:09:23.460 know so maybe y'all can speak to that and if that maybe should change in 26 as 127 00:09:23.460 --> 00:09:31.780 far as letting him initiate the message always I bet lots of these gals and guys 128 00:09:31.780 --> 00:09:36.620 have heard Jackie coach on this before just just like as a little survey Oh 129 00:09:36.620 --> 00:09:41.340 thumbs up if you've heard Jackie say the thing that matters is not initiation but 130 00:09:41.340 --> 00:09:48.500 reciprocation does that sound familiar I see a couple of thumbs yeah I know a lot 131 00:09:48.500 --> 00:09:53.060 of people have had had like good success and good peace of mind heading down 132 00:09:53.060 --> 00:09:57.980 heading down the path of letting the guy make the first move and then we were 133 00:09:57.980 --> 00:10:02.140 we're responders but we're not limited 134 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.000 into that where like, that's not a rule here. 135 00:10:06.840 --> 00:10:08.640 Has anybody willing to volunteer 136 00:10:08.640 --> 00:10:09.680 that they've done it the other way 137 00:10:09.680 --> 00:10:11.040 where they've made the first move 138 00:10:11.040 --> 00:10:13.680 or done the first messaging and it's worked out? 139 00:10:13.680 --> 00:10:17.480 Well, Marley, can you tell us about that? 140 00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:20.040 Oh, I can just say that I've done it 141 00:10:20.040 --> 00:10:22.760 and it did start conversations. 142 00:10:22.760 --> 00:10:27.760 It didn't lead anywhere, but yes, it started conversations. 143 00:10:28.680 --> 00:10:29.520 Nice. 144 00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:36.800 I see Shawnee's hand, sweet. 145 00:10:36.800 --> 00:10:40.040 Well, just to tap in from what Helen asks, 146 00:10:40.040 --> 00:10:44.120 what I've done that has been decent, 147 00:10:44.120 --> 00:10:45.480 it's not really for Facebook dating, 148 00:10:45.480 --> 00:10:48.280 but people that are in my circle, 149 00:10:48.280 --> 00:10:50.680 your suggested friends on Facebook, 150 00:10:50.680 --> 00:10:52.480 I'll check and see if they look like somebody 151 00:10:52.480 --> 00:10:54.600 that I might wanna talk to and I'll friend them. 152 00:10:54.600 --> 00:10:57.480 And then if they friend me back, and a lot of them do, 153 00:10:57.800 --> 00:10:59.240 then I just let it go from there 154 00:10:59.240 --> 00:11:01.800 where if I'm posting something and they comment on it 155 00:11:01.800 --> 00:11:03.440 and then we actually are like in community 156 00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:05.320 because now it's almost like your neighbors 157 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:06.760 because you're a closer proximity 158 00:11:06.760 --> 00:11:08.600 because we're now in your Facebook friends. 159 00:11:08.600 --> 00:11:11.400 So I would imagine you could do something similar 160 00:11:11.400 --> 00:11:13.400 on the Facebook dating app, 161 00:11:13.400 --> 00:11:15.320 but just by starting a conversation 162 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:18.760 isn't necessarily like, hey, I like you. 163 00:11:18.760 --> 00:11:21.080 You would just say like, hey, that sweater is really cute. 164 00:11:21.080 --> 00:11:21.920 Where'd you get it or something? 165 00:11:21.920 --> 00:11:23.840 I don't know, something that would get them to go, 166 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:26.000 okay, this person is talking to me. 167 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:26.840 Like drop the hanky, 168 00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:28.640 that's kind of what I'm trying to say. 169 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:34.600 Dave, I wanna make sure 170 00:11:34.600 --> 00:11:36.560 that I don't give all of the bandwidth to you, 171 00:11:36.560 --> 00:11:38.280 but yeah, what do you got for us? 172 00:11:38.280 --> 00:11:40.720 Oh, sorry, I'll be very, very quick then. 173 00:11:42.200 --> 00:11:43.040 Sorry, Eric. 174 00:11:43.040 --> 00:11:45.800 No, no, you're no good, I'm calling on you, go for it. 175 00:11:45.800 --> 00:11:50.480 So I think I find that like if it's humor, 176 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:52.000 then it's okay, right? 177 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:54.040 So like, don't feel bad just like, 178 00:11:54.040 --> 00:11:55.480 it's okay just to make a joke. 179 00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:57.400 And now it's not awkward, 180 00:11:57.400 --> 00:12:00.240 like who said yes, who said hi at first, 181 00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:01.440 because it's just humor 182 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:04.680 and you can just both be enjoying the humor and the joke. 183 00:12:04.680 --> 00:12:07.160 And honestly, whenever I get a first message 184 00:12:07.160 --> 00:12:09.480 and the person says something really funny, 185 00:12:09.480 --> 00:12:11.920 like in my picture, I'm eating ice cream 186 00:12:11.920 --> 00:12:12.760 and the girl's like, 187 00:12:12.760 --> 00:12:14.000 do you know that you have ice cream 188 00:12:14.000 --> 00:12:15.560 on the side of your face in your picture? 189 00:12:15.560 --> 00:12:18.280 And I had no idea and I laughed so hard. 190 00:12:18.280 --> 00:12:20.480 So sometimes like, if it's awkward for you, 191 00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:23.800 I would say just use humor and it'll go great. 192 00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:24.680 So. 193 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:28.160 Thanks, Dave. 194 00:12:29.240 --> 00:12:30.720 Gwen, I see your hand. 195 00:12:37.960 --> 00:12:40.120 I messaged first a lot. 196 00:12:40.120 --> 00:12:42.840 In fact, on Bumble, you have to message first 197 00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:46.360 for it to go through, for the women to message first. 198 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:50.800 But I have to say my track record of messaging guys first 199 00:12:50.800 --> 00:12:52.360 have always been successful dates. 200 00:12:52.400 --> 00:12:55.000 Normally, like back in the day when it was normal dating, 201 00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:58.760 now it's weird with fake people and all that stuff. 202 00:12:58.760 --> 00:13:03.120 But the ones that I did date in 2025, 203 00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:05.200 that they actually made an effort, 204 00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:07.280 drove three and a half hours 205 00:13:07.280 --> 00:13:09.200 up to San Luis Obispo from LA. 206 00:13:10.160 --> 00:13:11.600 I messaged them first. 207 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:12.840 And I said, hey, how's it going? 208 00:13:12.840 --> 00:13:13.920 And guys like it. 209 00:13:15.520 --> 00:13:17.520 No, they're appreciated. 210 00:13:17.520 --> 00:13:20.960 It kind of gives me the choice and the pick. 211 00:13:21.080 --> 00:13:22.600 I get to make the pick, 212 00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:24.880 like who it is, who I want to talk to. 213 00:13:24.880 --> 00:13:28.640 I mean, they didn't work out, but it works. 214 00:13:28.640 --> 00:13:31.000 And I don't feel like they're, 215 00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:35.800 I think if we say only going to wait for someone, 216 00:13:35.800 --> 00:13:38.920 I feel like it really diminishes your, 217 00:13:40.040 --> 00:13:42.480 cuts it in half your opportunities. 218 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:44.040 But anyways, that's my opinion. 219 00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:46.240 Yeah. 220 00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:47.080 Is that good? 221 00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:50.080 Jennifer Young, I see your hand. 222 00:13:51.960 --> 00:13:54.680 Perfect timing, I just turned on a lamp 223 00:13:54.680 --> 00:13:56.480 because it was so very dark. 224 00:13:57.400 --> 00:14:02.400 I have not often made the first like move, 225 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:06.200 but I'm a little bit like more on the, 226 00:14:06.200 --> 00:14:08.640 I are on the side of just drop the hanky. 227 00:14:08.640 --> 00:14:11.120 So if it's someone that I'm meeting that's new, 228 00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:12.760 I'm comfortable saying something like, 229 00:14:12.760 --> 00:14:15.280 well, here, take my Instagram. 230 00:14:15.280 --> 00:14:18.520 If in case you want to talk more or stay in touch 231 00:14:19.320 --> 00:14:21.880 or in case you need help finding an apartment, 232 00:14:21.880 --> 00:14:23.960 I said that once, I hope that's okay. 233 00:14:23.960 --> 00:14:25.840 I didn't want to help him find an apartment, 234 00:14:25.840 --> 00:14:28.440 but I gave him my work Instagram. 235 00:14:28.440 --> 00:14:30.600 And then he did message me and he was like, 236 00:14:30.600 --> 00:14:33.120 it was really nice talking to you, 237 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:34.240 but it felt way too short. 238 00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:36.000 Would you like to get coffee sometimes? 239 00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:39.400 So I feel more comfortable personally, 240 00:14:39.400 --> 00:14:40.680 not being quite so forward, 241 00:14:40.680 --> 00:14:43.720 but just kind of like making the gesture of like, 242 00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:46.520 here's how we could stay in touch if you'd like to. 243 00:14:46.560 --> 00:14:51.200 And my dating resolution is to take things slower, 244 00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:54.400 just to take the process slower 245 00:14:54.400 --> 00:14:57.160 and to allow myself to take in more information 246 00:14:57.160 --> 00:14:59.800 and allow the other person to take in more. 247 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.480 and for us to both feel more comfortable. 248 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:04.880 I'm very nervous all of a sudden. 249 00:15:04.880 --> 00:15:06.000 You're doing great. 250 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:07.680 Yeah, that's a great resolution too. 251 00:15:07.680 --> 00:15:10.320 Nice to like be deliberate about your pace. 252 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:11.560 Nice. 253 00:15:11.560 --> 00:15:12.800 Heather, I see your hand. 254 00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:16.320 Hi, sorry, I'm not on camera 255 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:17.760 because I'm in an awkward place, 256 00:15:17.760 --> 00:15:21.300 but I just wanted to say that two things. 257 00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:25.920 I find that remembering that an introduction 258 00:15:25.920 --> 00:15:28.520 is so low stakes, it really doesn't matter. 259 00:15:29.520 --> 00:15:31.920 Honestly, I have gone ahead 260 00:15:31.920 --> 00:15:34.880 and started initiating some conversations, 261 00:15:34.880 --> 00:15:38.680 and usually if the person has a nice profile 262 00:15:38.680 --> 00:15:40.320 or says something and I'm like, 263 00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:41.960 oh, I think that could be a real connect, 264 00:15:41.960 --> 00:15:42.800 then that's it. 265 00:15:42.800 --> 00:15:44.380 It's just like, hey, I liked your profile. 266 00:15:44.380 --> 00:15:46.000 I think we have some things in common. 267 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:48.720 Take a look at mine and let me know if you'd like to chat 268 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:53.080 or something specific about whatever they put in there 269 00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:55.680 that's small, and once I've sent it, 270 00:15:55.680 --> 00:15:57.640 I realized I generally forget that I sent it 271 00:15:57.680 --> 00:15:59.080 because honestly, once you send something, 272 00:15:59.080 --> 00:16:01.600 it usually disappears from your screen 273 00:16:01.600 --> 00:16:05.480 as a person of possibility unless they respond, 274 00:16:05.480 --> 00:16:09.120 so I forget about it, and if they don't respond, 275 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:11.720 then who cares because I also realized 276 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:13.720 I only have so much bandwidth for online 277 00:16:13.720 --> 00:16:16.760 and I'm not on there every single day, 278 00:16:16.760 --> 00:16:19.440 and because I'm not checking it all the time, 279 00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:22.280 I won't know unless somebody sends a message 280 00:16:22.280 --> 00:16:23.640 and says, hey, you have a message. 281 00:16:23.640 --> 00:16:25.540 I'm like, oh, and then I might look, 282 00:16:25.540 --> 00:16:28.180 so it's low stakes to say hello. 283 00:16:28.180 --> 00:16:29.420 If they respond, great. 284 00:16:29.420 --> 00:16:31.100 If there's no connection, who cares? 285 00:16:31.100 --> 00:16:35.380 It's really low stakes, so if you just kind of remember that, 286 00:16:35.380 --> 00:16:37.780 I find that helpful to not worry about it. 287 00:16:37.780 --> 00:16:41.000 Just drop the hanky out there, and then for resolution, 288 00:16:41.940 --> 00:16:43.580 something I've kind of discovered now that I'm, 289 00:16:43.580 --> 00:16:45.780 I feel like through this group, 290 00:16:45.780 --> 00:16:48.780 I have finally learned how to date in my, 291 00:16:48.780 --> 00:16:51.980 like, finally in my life, I feel like I figured out, 292 00:16:51.980 --> 00:16:54.220 like, how do you date because I was never taught 293 00:16:54.220 --> 00:16:55.060 and I feel like, you know, 294 00:16:55.060 --> 00:16:56.900 you learn what you did right and wrong, 295 00:16:56.900 --> 00:17:00.540 and what I have created is I have a little list 296 00:17:00.540 --> 00:17:04.460 and I add to it of not very expensive, 297 00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:08.819 but fun activities that I like to do in my back pocket 298 00:17:08.819 --> 00:17:11.020 in case there's a guy who seems nice, 299 00:17:11.020 --> 00:17:12.420 but they don't know what to do, 300 00:17:12.420 --> 00:17:16.619 and I don't mind coffee first dates 301 00:17:16.619 --> 00:17:20.099 or conversation, obviously, to see if I like someone, 302 00:17:20.099 --> 00:17:22.660 but I always have a small list of something 303 00:17:22.660 --> 00:17:25.060 that I know is a go-to, so whatever we do, 304 00:17:25.060 --> 00:17:28.180 even if they're not a great match, I usually have fun, 305 00:17:28.180 --> 00:17:30.780 and the last thing, and I'm totally gonna be quiet, 306 00:17:30.780 --> 00:17:34.660 is I ask, I have the question rotating in my mind, 307 00:17:34.660 --> 00:17:35.820 I wonder what I'm gonna find out 308 00:17:35.820 --> 00:17:37.580 or what this person's gonna teach me tonight, 309 00:17:37.580 --> 00:17:40.660 and it takes me, it takes anxiety down, 310 00:17:40.660 --> 00:17:44.540 so those are my pointers and things I'm taking into 2026. 311 00:17:45.580 --> 00:17:47.300 Nice, those sound great, I love that, 312 00:17:47.300 --> 00:17:48.980 going to the date with a, 313 00:17:48.980 --> 00:17:50.220 what am I gonna learn about this person, 314 00:17:50.220 --> 00:17:51.860 what am I gonna learn from this person? 315 00:17:51.860 --> 00:17:53.220 That's a great perspective. 316 00:17:54.100 --> 00:17:56.140 Anybody else have any dating resolutions? 317 00:18:00.540 --> 00:18:02.980 Anybody do anything you really loved, 318 00:18:02.980 --> 00:18:04.660 you thought was a good move last year 319 00:18:04.660 --> 00:18:07.380 and you wanna make sure to continue it into next year? 320 00:18:11.860 --> 00:18:12.700 Breathe. 321 00:18:14.900 --> 00:18:16.100 Tiffany, I see your hand. 322 00:18:17.100 --> 00:18:20.580 Okay, so this may be an unpopular opinion, 323 00:18:21.580 --> 00:18:26.580 but I, rotation of five, I always had five guys to date, 324 00:18:26.820 --> 00:18:28.980 it was always a rotation of five, 325 00:18:28.980 --> 00:18:31.300 anyone that asked for a date, got a date, 326 00:18:32.300 --> 00:18:34.340 I did not put too much into it, 327 00:18:34.340 --> 00:18:37.540 I wasn't looking to check out, check into boxes, 328 00:18:37.540 --> 00:18:39.980 anybody that asked me for a date, got a date, 329 00:18:39.980 --> 00:18:41.780 my first date is always a meet and greet, 330 00:18:42.100 --> 00:18:46.580 I am a member of a social club 331 00:18:46.580 --> 00:18:48.820 and the house here is free to me, 332 00:18:48.820 --> 00:18:50.460 so I would tell them, hey, meet and greet, 333 00:18:50.460 --> 00:18:52.540 meet me at the club, it's free, 334 00:18:52.540 --> 00:18:54.980 you can have food there, 335 00:18:54.980 --> 00:18:57.220 it's a really co-working space 336 00:18:57.220 --> 00:18:59.580 and a lot of people will tell me, 337 00:18:59.580 --> 00:19:00.420 you know, I wanna join there, 338 00:19:00.420 --> 00:19:02.340 I'm like, great, come, you can get a tour, 339 00:19:02.340 --> 00:19:04.940 you can have free food, free drinks 340 00:19:04.940 --> 00:19:06.580 and we can just meet, meet and greet, 341 00:19:06.580 --> 00:19:08.900 second date is really up to him to ask 342 00:19:09.260 --> 00:19:13.820 and it's usually some type of afternoon something, 343 00:19:13.820 --> 00:19:17.980 third date is typically a evening date, 344 00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:20.180 so for me, it was always a rotation of five, 345 00:19:20.180 --> 00:19:22.420 I made sure after each conversation, 346 00:19:22.420 --> 00:19:24.940 after each date to kind of do a self-check, 347 00:19:24.940 --> 00:19:27.540 how do I feel, did I have fun 348 00:19:27.540 --> 00:19:29.380 and what I noticed about men 349 00:19:29.380 --> 00:19:32.220 is that they will rotate themselves in and out, 350 00:19:32.220 --> 00:19:33.380 I don't have to say no, 351 00:19:33.380 --> 00:19:36.980 they will decide I'm not for them or whatever 352 00:19:37.020 --> 00:19:40.820 and it's fine, I really believe in that low stakes 353 00:19:40.820 --> 00:19:43.380 and another tip I would say 354 00:19:43.380 --> 00:19:45.540 and it's not really a tip but I know, 355 00:19:45.540 --> 00:19:48.620 we just have to, and this is bad for me to say, 356 00:19:49.900 --> 00:19:54.340 I'm really mindful of my appearance, 357 00:19:54.340 --> 00:19:56.380 I would see ladies that would message me 358 00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:57.980 and was like, there's no men, 359 00:19:57.980 --> 00:20:00.140 like no man is approaching me and I'm like, 360 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.880 What do you mean they're not approaching you, nobody is approaching you, or you're saying 361 00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:09.440 the ones that you are interested in are not approaching you?" 362 00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:10.440 And they were like, nobody. 363 00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:12.680 I'm like, change your look. 364 00:20:12.680 --> 00:20:18.360 And I find this a few years ago, I look like a boy at first glance. 365 00:20:18.360 --> 00:20:22.240 And I had to go in, my girlfriend was like, you're not going to be the man, you look like 366 00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:23.340 a boy. 367 00:20:23.340 --> 00:20:27.240 And I had to go in and change my physical, what I look like physically. 368 00:20:27.240 --> 00:20:28.720 I had to start wearing makeup. 369 00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:31.640 I had to go get my hair cut and colored in a way. 370 00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:34.080 I had to figure out my clothing. 371 00:20:34.080 --> 00:20:37.920 I had to look attractive like I wanted to be a man. 372 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:43.280 And so when I leave my house, I live by the rule of two thirds. 373 00:20:43.280 --> 00:20:47.600 I don't leave the house, it's either hair, skin and makeup, or outfit. 374 00:20:47.600 --> 00:20:50.840 If two out of those threes are not done properly, I don't leave the house. 375 00:20:50.840 --> 00:20:53.240 I have to wait until those things are done. 376 00:20:53.240 --> 00:20:55.680 Every time I leave the house, somebody is going to approach me. 377 00:20:55.680 --> 00:21:01.960 I don't even have to worry about it because I believe I'm physically appealing. 378 00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:09.720 And I find that men, they're going to come up to you if you're off glance what they physically 379 00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:10.720 like. 380 00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:16.720 So for me, men and women, this is not about a size, it's not about spending a lot of money. 381 00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:18.680 Yes, you want to be healthy. 382 00:21:18.680 --> 00:21:23.800 Look your best in all situations, even if you're just dropping off something. 383 00:21:23.800 --> 00:21:27.840 Even if you're just running, look like you want to meet a man. 384 00:21:27.840 --> 00:21:33.280 Walk slow, look up, smile, don't be in a rush, brush your head down. 385 00:21:33.280 --> 00:21:36.720 If you do not look like you want to meet a man, you're not going to meet a man. 386 00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:40.680 If you look at your dating profile pictures and they don't look good, people are not going 387 00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:41.680 to approach you. 388 00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:43.920 You have to look good. 389 00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:48.080 And I think that all women have the ability to be a 10. 390 00:21:48.080 --> 00:21:50.640 No one can convince me I don't care what you look like. 391 00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:52.400 We all have the ability to be a 10. 392 00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:53.520 You just have to know what you're doing. 393 00:21:53.520 --> 00:21:57.240 And I worked in fashion and beauty for a very long time, so I know you can do it. 394 00:21:57.240 --> 00:22:02.560 But do your best to look your best with what you have. 395 00:22:02.560 --> 00:22:03.560 And so that's it. 396 00:22:03.560 --> 00:22:04.560 That's it for me. 397 00:22:04.560 --> 00:22:06.440 So for me, like I said, it's always a rotation. 398 00:22:06.440 --> 00:22:07.720 You don't have to say no to men. 399 00:22:07.720 --> 00:22:08.720 Men will say no to you. 400 00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:09.720 You don't have to say no to... 401 00:22:09.720 --> 00:22:14.080 Date them and if they feel like, oh, wow, she's a little bit too this, they'll weed 402 00:22:14.080 --> 00:22:15.080 themselves out. 403 00:22:15.080 --> 00:22:19.120 And so may the best man win, which has always been my philosophy. 404 00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:20.800 So that's it. 405 00:22:20.800 --> 00:22:21.800 Nice. 406 00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:25.080 Thanks for that, Tiffany. 407 00:22:25.080 --> 00:22:31.320 When we know we put the effort into looking as good as I can look in my current self, 408 00:22:31.320 --> 00:22:34.400 it really does make a difference in how we present ourselves in the world and how people 409 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:36.000 respond to us. 410 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:41.200 So for me, that phase two coaching was quite a while ago. 411 00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:46.400 I remember there being some good coaching in phase two on how we can present ourselves 412 00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:50.640 so our outside matches the beauty of our heart and the masculinity of our heart for 413 00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:51.640 you dudes. 414 00:22:51.640 --> 00:22:53.520 Is that still part of the phase two coaching? 415 00:22:53.520 --> 00:22:58.760 Give me a thumbs up if there's an element of helping the outside match the inside. 416 00:22:58.760 --> 00:22:59.760 Okay. 417 00:22:59.760 --> 00:23:03.960 Well, then I bet you're going to get some of it in phase three. 418 00:23:03.960 --> 00:23:06.400 Melissa, I see your hand. 419 00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:07.400 You've got a... 420 00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:09.640 Do you have a resolution for us? 421 00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:11.800 Do you have something you want to take into phase three? 422 00:23:11.800 --> 00:23:12.800 Answering the question. 423 00:23:12.800 --> 00:23:13.800 You're just great. 424 00:23:14.200 --> 00:23:18.840 So it's been a few months since I've been in phase two, but I will say it wasn't like 425 00:23:18.840 --> 00:23:25.080 a concentrated lesson per se that they ran through in phase two. 426 00:23:25.080 --> 00:23:27.520 It was really just... 427 00:23:27.520 --> 00:23:32.040 It would come up in conversation similarly to how this is coming up now, where it's just 428 00:23:32.040 --> 00:23:36.320 more, hey, what are you doing on the outside to reflect what's on the inside? 429 00:23:36.320 --> 00:23:41.240 And if there were specific instances, then the coaches would say, okay, post some pictures 430 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:45.160 of what you have on your profile and we'll make suggestions on how to improve. 431 00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:47.200 But there wasn't a concentrated track. 432 00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:52.880 And that's actually something I wish we could incorporate more in the program of how can 433 00:23:52.880 --> 00:24:01.280 we be more intentional in actually walking in, expressing on the outside what is on the 434 00:24:01.280 --> 00:24:05.120 inside in an appropriate way without changing really who we are. 435 00:24:05.120 --> 00:24:09.320 I know Jackie, it's something that Jackie's really invested in before. 436 00:24:09.320 --> 00:24:10.320 She's even... 437 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:11.400 God bless her. 438 00:24:11.400 --> 00:24:15.040 She's even hired people that get paid for that kind of coaching to give that coaching 439 00:24:15.040 --> 00:24:18.240 to us for free without an extra charge for us. 440 00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:20.720 Sometimes it doesn't work out that way, but yeah. 441 00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:21.720 Yay. 442 00:24:21.720 --> 00:24:24.720 Natasha, I see your hand. 443 00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:27.040 Hi, everyone. 444 00:24:27.040 --> 00:24:30.160 Happy New Year. 445 00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:38.240 I found it because I live in New Zealand and so I've been on the phase, I'd say phase one, 446 00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:44.560 phase two-ish on the dating apps for like a whole of 2025. 447 00:24:44.560 --> 00:24:50.960 Like I joined in like January and I had joined before, so I joined two sites as recommended 448 00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:51.960 in the coaching. 449 00:24:51.960 --> 00:24:58.280 So I chose Bumble and Hinge because I tried a lot of the Christian apps here in New Zealand 450 00:24:58.280 --> 00:24:59.600 and they just weren't... 451 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.040 they weren't vibing, like some of the people on there, it's like similar to the one that 452 00:25:05.600 --> 00:25:12.480 Jackie was saying in one of the sessions around the men that are on there, it's like you wonder 453 00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:17.600 like what's going on here, where are these men being sourced from? Anyway, so I've tried the 454 00:25:17.600 --> 00:25:21.440 Christian ones, I've tried the non-Christian ones, but obviously with the thing of looking 455 00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:30.560 for Christian men and I've, you know, spoken to a lot of men, dropped the hanky, set up dates, 456 00:25:30.560 --> 00:25:35.200 tried to set up video dates, some weren't willing, so I realized, okay, fine, I'm not going to push 457 00:25:35.200 --> 00:25:40.240 it if they're not willing, I'm making my interests known and applying all of the coaching that we've 458 00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:46.000 gotten from Renee, even the updated notes like on one of the sessions she was letting us know 459 00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:53.040 things that we can say in the apps and just how to improve our apps and, yeah, it hasn't, 2025 460 00:25:53.040 --> 00:25:57.760 hasn't been great on that front and I've actually then, you know, through speaking to God made a 461 00:25:57.760 --> 00:26:02.320 decision to get off the apps completely because at some point I paused them because I was just 462 00:26:02.320 --> 00:26:07.440 getting discouraged and disappointed where you get ghosted or you set up dates and then they 463 00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:12.560 cancel last minute or they just don't, we set up video dates or they don't show up, so there's a 464 00:26:12.560 --> 00:26:19.040 lot of things going on and I was just like, you know, and I said, okay, it's fine, but I still, 465 00:26:19.040 --> 00:26:24.160 I still know that I'm holding the faith, so what I've been doing instead is because I moved, 466 00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:30.320 I also moved into a new city end of May, so I'm in Auckland now, which is a bigger city, 467 00:26:30.320 --> 00:26:35.440 there's way more to do, so I've kind of joined an app called Meetup that has lots of like social 468 00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:39.760 events and activities and stuff, so that's what I'm now doing, so I'm putting myself out there, 469 00:26:39.760 --> 00:26:44.640 making sure that I'm looking good, I'm feeling good, I'm getting out and about, going for dinners 470 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:49.200 with strangers and all the things so that and showing up in grace so that I can meet people 471 00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:54.560 in that way because I just have this feeling like the apps weren't necessarily jamming, there's a 472 00:26:54.560 --> 00:26:59.280 lot of Christian women as well here who've also tried the apps and they just feel that they're 473 00:26:59.280 --> 00:27:06.160 just not working and, you know, my friend said something, she actually, when we did that 474 00:27:07.040 --> 00:27:13.280 prophetic Sunday with, forget who she is, she was doing that prophesied with the different months 475 00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:20.560 and she, and one of the things she asked about what we need to be ready for for friends in 476 00:27:20.560 --> 00:27:26.880 February this year and I said, so one of the things was for my friend that I need to be 477 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:32.000 available and ready for my friend's marriage because she started dating someone in April and 478 00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:36.800 so, and then I remember three months ago she was like, you know, he's not proposing, I'm like, you 479 00:27:36.800 --> 00:27:40.800 guys have actually only known each other for three months, you kind of like need to chill here, 480 00:27:40.800 --> 00:27:45.920 but anyways, this is what God let me know that I need to be available for the preparation of 481 00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:51.440 your marriage, so if that's, and she's a very, she's a strong prayerful woman, so I just said 482 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:58.080 that to her and on Christmas Day she got engaged and she said, and so she just said something to 483 00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:02.240 me, she said, you know, all we need is one and, you know, this is the coaching that we've been 484 00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:08.720 getting that, you know, it doesn't matter with all the frogs that I've met, all I need is one, 485 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:13.200 so I'm still showing up with that grace and just putting myself out there, making sure that when I 486 00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:19.760 step out the house, even if I'm just walking my dog, that I'm looking, I'm feeling good in myself, 487 00:28:19.760 --> 00:28:25.760 I'm feeling good on the outside as well, so that's basically what I've been focused on 488 00:28:25.760 --> 00:28:31.440 and my New Year's resolution is just to actually lean in on God and just listening to God, so I've 489 00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:37.440 been actually in over the festive season because I'm here on my own, just it gave me time away from 490 00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:43.680 work, just alone in my house to read through Bethany Hicks' book on the God connection, so I've 491 00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:48.240 just been reading through that and just, you know, I pulled out a new journal today just to journal 492 00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:54.080 things that I'm, journal what God is speaking into me and speaking over me, so yeah, so that's what 493 00:28:54.080 --> 00:29:00.560 I'm doing, so that that's my New Year's resolution, just keep leaning in, yeah, and God will, you know, 494 00:29:00.560 --> 00:29:06.560 I listened the other day about the, on Sunday, the corner that my spirit mate and I don't need to be 495 00:29:06.560 --> 00:29:11.600 going in the same direction, but we'll meet at the corner, so I'm just like, yes God, yes you are 496 00:29:11.600 --> 00:29:19.520 faithful, that's me, that's me in terms of just walking in faith. Those are great resolutions, 497 00:29:19.600 --> 00:29:24.640 yeah, those roots going down deep is, there's only, only positive payoff for our roots going 498 00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:29.440 deeper into the Lord, yeah, yeah, and you're, you're being out there in real life, meeting up in real life, 499 00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:35.680 that's awesome, yeah, I saw somebody in the chat was saying, did I see somebody in the chat 500 00:29:35.680 --> 00:29:39.920 setting somebody else up with somebody that they know? I love that matchmaking and community, lovely, 501 00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:47.360 keeping an eye out for each other, that's fabulous, also Marlene, are you, your resolution is 502 00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:52.800 an appointment for a personal stylist in clothes shopping, how cool is that, what a great one, 503 00:29:54.080 --> 00:29:59.840 nice, I, I feel like, I feel like I want to do that too, can I steal your resolution? 504 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:12.960 Also, somebody a second ago said that they do a self-check-in after every date, say like, 505 00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:13.960 how did that hit me? 506 00:30:13.960 --> 00:30:14.960 How did I respond? 507 00:30:14.960 --> 00:30:16.280 What did we bring out of each other? 508 00:30:16.280 --> 00:30:18.040 That is a great idea. 509 00:30:18.040 --> 00:30:22.000 I think I probably want to take that also as a resolution for the next year to have 510 00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:24.760 a deliberate self-check-in time after each date. 511 00:30:24.760 --> 00:30:28.760 Melissa, I see your hand. 512 00:30:28.760 --> 00:30:29.760 Or Melissa Dawn. 513 00:30:29.760 --> 00:30:33.640 I don't know if you prefer to go by Melissa or Melissa Dawn. 514 00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:38.320 You are on mute right now, but it looks like you're trying to come off. 515 00:30:38.320 --> 00:30:39.320 My apologies. 516 00:30:39.320 --> 00:30:43.760 I'm doing technological complicated things. 517 00:30:43.760 --> 00:30:51.200 So anyway, we were kind of group sourcing, community sourcing wisdom, and I really feel 518 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:54.400 like I have a lot to learn still. 519 00:30:54.400 --> 00:31:01.560 But one thing that does, I mean, I hope probably we all do, but one thing that I have had a 520 00:31:01.560 --> 00:31:09.240 sort of solidified sense within my spirit about this tidbit of wisdom, let's say, at 521 00:31:09.240 --> 00:31:19.280 least personally, would be I'm no longer dating for potential, but I'm dating reality. 522 00:31:19.280 --> 00:31:26.720 And what I mean by that is not that I'm going to come in hard-nosed and ungracious or something 523 00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.240 like this. 524 00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:35.400 However, I'm getting more honest with myself about who I am and what I actually need. 525 00:31:35.400 --> 00:31:42.880 And also, I'm getting more honest with myself about what I'm actually observing, even though 526 00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:48.040 I am always rooting for people to grow, including myself. 527 00:31:48.080 --> 00:31:54.320 But I think that at this point, I just really want to, like, if we were like 20, okay, maybe 528 00:31:54.320 --> 00:31:56.560 we're not so solidified, let's say. 529 00:31:56.560 --> 00:32:00.600 The prefrontal cortex hasn't fully formed until the mid-20s. 530 00:32:00.600 --> 00:32:06.120 However, given the stage of life, it does seem to me that we kind of are who we are. 531 00:32:06.120 --> 00:32:16.200 And I think that it's healthy to face reality as it is and to look at myself in the mirror, 532 00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:20.920 not in a weird way, but just to be honest, like, this is who I am. 533 00:32:20.920 --> 00:32:25.160 And also to invite someone else to do the same, and then to have the conversation not 534 00:32:25.160 --> 00:32:34.240 only with the Lord and not only with myself, but also in the potential dynamic, like long-term 535 00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:38.400 or short-term, just to say, does this work for me? 536 00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:43.720 Because a lot of times, one of the areas I've been growing in, and this may have been observed 537 00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:50.200 previously, is that I almost over-accommodated for others, but then I kind of, it was my 538 00:32:50.200 --> 00:32:52.320 fault that I lost myself. 539 00:32:52.320 --> 00:32:56.800 And now I'm like, wait a second, I'm like 50% of this dynamic. 540 00:32:56.800 --> 00:32:58.640 And so what do I need to do? 541 00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:00.480 How can I be responsible? 542 00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:01.760 What am I a steward of? 543 00:33:01.760 --> 00:33:06.920 And I'm a steward of who God has entrusted me to be and how he's wired me and who he's 544 00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:09.080 called me to serve. 545 00:33:09.080 --> 00:33:14.760 And so in light of that, I find it really important and quite essential not to simply 546 00:33:14.760 --> 00:33:23.120 throw away who God has made me to be, but to see, celebrate, and steward who he's created 547 00:33:23.120 --> 00:33:24.240 me to be. 548 00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:25.800 He's handcrafted each of us. 549 00:33:25.800 --> 00:33:30.960 And then just to say, do these two people fit together and can I be my full self in 550 00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:31.960 this dynamic? 551 00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:38.720 Or am I going to have to either erase myself or be erased or some combination of the two? 552 00:33:39.360 --> 00:33:44.680 And I think that because God is a good creator, I don't think that in his beautiful design 553 00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:49.800 of mirroring Christ in the church, like it talks about in Ephesians 5, I don't think 554 00:33:49.800 --> 00:33:56.760 that this dynamic would require the erasure of either person, but it would invite fullness 555 00:33:56.760 --> 00:34:00.120 and multiplication through the dynamic. 556 00:34:00.120 --> 00:34:04.680 And so that's really what I feel quite committed to at this point and going into the new year 557 00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:07.440 and however long it may take. 558 00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:12.120 That is sort of the frame of mind and also the way in which I am dating. 559 00:34:12.120 --> 00:34:18.199 So I'm no longer saying, oh, well, I see that you really don't fit with me at all, but let 560 00:34:18.199 --> 00:34:20.840 me see how I can make this work. 561 00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:27.360 It's like, no, just, it's okay because it's more loving to everyone just to be honest 562 00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:28.440 with oneself. 563 00:34:28.440 --> 00:34:31.440 So that's how I'm growing and I'm still in process. 564 00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:33.040 That is great. 565 00:34:33.040 --> 00:34:38.000 I love that philosophy of dating in reality, not in the hypothetical future, if one or 566 00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:41.360 other of us were different, that seems wise. 567 00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:43.440 Well, praise the Lord. 568 00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:44.440 Thank you. 569 00:34:44.440 --> 00:34:50.719 Anybody else have a good resolution, something they want to do differently or something they 570 00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:54.480 did well before and they want to make sure they keep that up? 571 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.960 So I have done a like, y'all are so engaging, I have not done a very good job of scrolling 572 00:35:06.960 --> 00:35:11.040 the chat and finding the questions that you guys have put dropped in there as good questions 573 00:35:11.040 --> 00:35:14.080 to to ask the group. 574 00:35:14.080 --> 00:35:17.360 So if you if you asked one, would you mind raising your hand and asking it in person 575 00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:21.760 or dropping it lower in the chat, and I will try and grab it at the bottom. 576 00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:29.040 And in the meantime, who, anybody want to volunteer you if you have good date ideas 577 00:35:29.040 --> 00:35:33.760 that work well for long distance relationships and online dates? 578 00:35:33.760 --> 00:35:39.320 I know some of you guys have some experience with long distance dating and we could use 579 00:35:39.320 --> 00:35:40.320 it. 580 00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:48.720 We could use your experience. 581 00:35:48.720 --> 00:35:53.000 I can give one I had one date that was a great date. 582 00:35:53.000 --> 00:35:55.960 It was we really had a good time together. 583 00:35:55.960 --> 00:36:02.760 We just both went to amazon.prime and found the same movie and then 321 start. 584 00:36:02.760 --> 00:36:04.760 And then okay, in five minutes, I'm going to need a break. 585 00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:07.560 So 54321 pause. 586 00:36:07.560 --> 00:36:11.480 And they like having to be deliberate about the interaction to like start and stop put 587 00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:15.760 a little bit of levity in the in the event that we wouldn't have had if it had been in 588 00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:20.480 a more polished, polished setting polished way if we were actually sharing a screen or 589 00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:21.880 something we couldn't have done that. 590 00:36:21.880 --> 00:36:24.440 But that's something that's worked out really well for me. 591 00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:28.560 Good people have had good long distance dates. 592 00:36:28.560 --> 00:36:35.360 Does anybody here had a long distance like an actual long distance relationship where 593 00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:39.840 you had to figure out how to date this one person, person long distance? 594 00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:43.160 No, we are all local daters around here. 595 00:36:43.160 --> 00:36:45.920 Okay, move your hand. 596 00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:54.320 Yeah, I, I've had several distance relationships, and it's involved everything from setting 597 00:36:54.320 --> 00:37:00.280 up regular times to make sure that we're meeting in the middle to scheduling times 598 00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:05.300 like a regular time to connect every, you know, so often, like whether it's every other 599 00:37:05.300 --> 00:37:08.920 day or whatever, depending on the level of the relationship. 600 00:37:08.920 --> 00:37:13.440 But there's some great things that I've done long distance with different guys. 601 00:37:13.440 --> 00:37:18.160 There's guys, there are guys who have taken me out on dates, literally on a FaceTime date 602 00:37:18.160 --> 00:37:22.360 gotten dressed up, will keep me on the phone driving to where they're going. 603 00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:26.560 And then, you know, to get to a place and, you know, we talk over the menu of what they're 604 00:37:26.560 --> 00:37:32.920 going to order and vice versa, and different, different formalities like that. 605 00:37:32.920 --> 00:37:37.520 But there's other more casual low key things you can do, you can actually do, like playing 606 00:37:37.520 --> 00:37:42.200 games together, like you can play online board games together, you don't have to be in the 607 00:37:42.200 --> 00:37:44.280 same room to play the same board game. 608 00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:50.560 Physically, you can actually do like chess, backgammon, checkers, different things online. 609 00:37:50.560 --> 00:37:55.800 And playing each other, you can actually watch shows in movies together, which I'm 610 00:37:55.800 --> 00:38:01.620 sure people know, and then kind of correlate integrated pauses to talk through things happening 611 00:38:01.620 --> 00:38:05.720 in a show that you might like together. 612 00:38:05.720 --> 00:38:13.000 Everything from painting together to reading together, actually reading books, like over 613 00:38:13.000 --> 00:38:17.720 the airways together, there's a lot of different ways that you can interact, kind of like living 614 00:38:17.720 --> 00:38:19.560 life alongside each other. 615 00:38:19.560 --> 00:38:22.960 You just have to be more intentional to schedule it. 616 00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:31.120 And it feels a little awkward at first, but can become pretty, at least I found pretty 617 00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:35.840 like tender and intimate, you know, like even just that the notion of like reading a book 618 00:38:35.840 --> 00:38:41.560 alongside somebody and, and sharing in that experience, especially a novel, when you're 619 00:38:41.560 --> 00:38:43.880 kind of like watching a plot unfold together. 620 00:38:43.880 --> 00:38:51.520 And yeah, it just has potential to see people's reactions in different ways, because you're 621 00:38:51.520 --> 00:38:54.480 looking for that from far away, if that makes sense. 622 00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.560 I like that idea, that book idea. 623 00:38:58.560 --> 00:39:04.000 Tiffany, did your hand go up with a long distance idea? 624 00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:05.000 It did. 625 00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:06.000 I'm dated long distance. 626 00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:15.960 So I am of the, I've dated long distance with men that were very generous financially. 627 00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:20.080 So we would see each other all the time, he would fly me, that was fine. 628 00:39:20.080 --> 00:39:27.400 But in the weeks that we couldn't, we would do things like scavenger hunts in my city 629 00:39:27.400 --> 00:39:28.600 and his city. 630 00:39:28.600 --> 00:39:36.840 And so maybe there's a part of his city that he always wanted to kind of explore, but haven't. 631 00:39:36.840 --> 00:39:41.520 So I'll do a little bit of research on my end, and I would set up a scavenger hunt. 632 00:39:41.520 --> 00:39:45.420 He would do the same thing, you know, for me in Atlanta, different parts of Atlanta. 633 00:39:45.420 --> 00:39:51.360 And that was always fun to, you know, just to kind of see what if we actually did it 634 00:39:51.360 --> 00:39:53.840 and the clues throughout the day. 635 00:39:53.840 --> 00:39:56.480 So that was always fun. 636 00:39:56.480 --> 00:40:00.000 So just initially a first video date. 637 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.240 I have done things like, okay, I'm going to give you 15 seconds, you know, go in your 638 00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:08.280 house, get two items. 639 00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:11.440 One item that, you know, starts with your first name. 640 00:40:11.440 --> 00:40:15.200 I would always find a tea towel, so I'm like, here's a towel. 641 00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:19.400 And then the second one would be something that's meaningful to you and or meaningful 642 00:40:19.400 --> 00:40:21.400 to your family as a whole. 643 00:40:21.400 --> 00:40:23.040 And so then we would talk about it. 644 00:40:23.040 --> 00:40:27.160 So just little, you know, just little things that, you know, that. 645 00:40:27.160 --> 00:40:33.160 But for me, I feel like I, and I think I've heard Jackie say this, or maybe it's just 646 00:40:33.160 --> 00:40:35.120 my philosophy. 647 00:40:35.120 --> 00:40:39.560 You have to really have money to date long distance because it's, I mean, somebody has 648 00:40:39.560 --> 00:40:43.720 to put the investment in to fly or drive or whatever that may be. 649 00:40:43.720 --> 00:40:46.400 And my long distance has always been beyond flight. 650 00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:49.800 I mean, beyond driving, it's been like, okay, I'm going to have to fly because I'm not going 651 00:40:49.800 --> 00:40:52.000 to drive, you know, 12 hours to see you. 652 00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:53.000 I'm just going to fly in. 653 00:40:53.000 --> 00:40:58.320 So make sure if you're dating that you have a little budget, you know, to be willing with 654 00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:04.120 the willingness to fly and to see that person and to, like you just said, set up, you know, 655 00:41:04.120 --> 00:41:10.560 something meaningful and fun, whether it's the movie or this guy I once dated long distance, 656 00:41:10.560 --> 00:41:12.080 he put me onto a book club. 657 00:41:12.080 --> 00:41:16.360 And so we would both join the book club, you know, as a couple. 658 00:41:16.360 --> 00:41:18.920 And then we would still, you know, be able to kind of read the book together. 659 00:41:19.080 --> 00:41:22.800 And then we would talk about it, you know, before I would be like, read the book, don't 660 00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:26.560 embarrass me in this book club, did you read your pages? 661 00:41:26.560 --> 00:41:28.640 And then we would kind of discuss it before then. 662 00:41:28.640 --> 00:41:32.840 So those little things, again, can just make it kind of fun until you can get to the next 663 00:41:32.840 --> 00:41:34.960 time you see each other face to face. 664 00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:37.320 Those are great ideas. 665 00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:40.280 Also if you guys don't have your chat open, pull it up. 666 00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:42.600 There are so many great ideas in there. 667 00:41:42.600 --> 00:41:44.560 Yeah, nice. 668 00:41:44.560 --> 00:41:45.560 Sweet. 669 00:41:45.560 --> 00:41:46.560 Okay. 670 00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:52.200 Yeah, it does take money to date long distance, doesn't it? 671 00:41:52.200 --> 00:41:54.680 But there are definitely free dates, right? 672 00:41:54.680 --> 00:41:57.120 So maybe for the local ones. 673 00:41:57.120 --> 00:42:01.000 Well, I mean, if you already have Amazon Prime, that's free. 674 00:42:01.000 --> 00:42:04.800 And I'm sure there are games online for anyway, I'm getting distracted by my train of thought 675 00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:08.080 that there's both free and long distance and free locally. 676 00:42:08.080 --> 00:42:14.200 Do you guys have any good local dates that are free? 677 00:42:14.200 --> 00:42:19.560 I know we are not advised to have a first date where we go walking in the woods with 678 00:42:19.560 --> 00:42:22.720 a stranger, even though a nice walk in the woods is free. 679 00:42:22.720 --> 00:42:31.240 Do you guys have other ideas for budget friendly initial dates? 680 00:42:31.240 --> 00:42:32.240 I do. 681 00:42:32.240 --> 00:42:33.240 Oh, was somebody- 682 00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:36.560 I'm not sure who I heard. 683 00:42:36.560 --> 00:42:37.560 Was somebody speaking? 684 00:42:37.560 --> 00:42:38.560 Sorry. 685 00:42:38.560 --> 00:42:39.560 I don't want to interrupt anybody. 686 00:42:39.560 --> 00:42:40.560 Helen, go ahead. 687 00:42:40.560 --> 00:42:43.080 Then we'll get to Dave in a sec. 688 00:42:43.080 --> 00:42:44.080 Oh, okay. 689 00:42:44.960 --> 00:42:45.960 Okay. 690 00:42:45.960 --> 00:42:46.960 Danger, danger, Dave. 691 00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:52.240 I play pickleball every week, and I was playing one time several months ago, and this couple 692 00:42:52.240 --> 00:42:55.920 was on their first date there, and I thought that was super fun. 693 00:42:55.920 --> 00:43:04.040 So I think I will suggest that, I have suggested that to several people that I've met online. 694 00:43:04.040 --> 00:43:10.480 And I actually have had, or was supposed to have two dates where we were going to meet 695 00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:11.480 halfway. 696 00:43:11.480 --> 00:43:12.480 I live in California. 697 00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:19.160 So just so many guys that are, or several guys that are two, three hours away, and it's 698 00:43:19.160 --> 00:43:20.280 just a lot to drive. 699 00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:26.520 So we agreed on a halfway point to play at a park. 700 00:43:26.520 --> 00:43:28.080 For some reason, those dates didn't happen. 701 00:43:28.080 --> 00:43:36.720 I'm still wondering what went wrong there, but it's free, it's low key, it's a non-awkward 702 00:43:36.720 --> 00:43:40.760 way of engaging someone. 703 00:43:41.040 --> 00:43:46.200 You actually learn a lot about someone when you play a sport with them, even if you're 704 00:43:46.200 --> 00:43:50.440 playing against them or with them, you actually learn a lot, how they handle the emotions, 705 00:43:50.440 --> 00:43:55.480 how they handle anger, how they handle losing, how they handle, can they have fun without 706 00:43:55.480 --> 00:43:56.480 being competitive? 707 00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:59.080 Are they competitive and kind? 708 00:43:59.080 --> 00:44:00.480 There's actually so much you can learn. 709 00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:05.800 And I've picked that up from playing for a couple of years now at the park. 710 00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:06.800 Just a suggestion. 711 00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:07.800 Great idea. 712 00:44:07.800 --> 00:44:09.800 Dave, what do you got for us? 713 00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:15.520 Yeah, so I think there's a lot of really fun local activities and things. 714 00:44:15.520 --> 00:44:22.160 One of them is that if you volunteer together at a retirement home, that is so much fun. 715 00:44:22.160 --> 00:44:26.760 Specifically, if you ask the old lady, like, hey, help me out, there's nothing funnier 716 00:44:26.760 --> 00:44:33.640 than old ladies who smell like prunes and are so lovely, who are going and helping you. 717 00:44:33.640 --> 00:44:39.240 And yeah, it's hilarious, especially when they're like, oh, if I was 40 years younger, 718 00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:44.240 I wouldn't be pausing or yeah, so that can be really fun, a little intimidating, I guess. 719 00:44:44.240 --> 00:44:48.960 But sometimes I find like activities are really fun, specifically like big group activities. 720 00:44:48.960 --> 00:44:54.400 So like going apple picking where there's lots of people or I live in Canada, so there's 721 00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:59.000 at this time of year, there's lots of like winter festivals, like free skating or those 722 00:44:59.000 --> 00:44:59.760 kinds of things. 723 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.360 I have a medical condition where I can't walk in a straight line, so the idea of going on 724 00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:09.600 a walk in a first date, I always will bump into the person or have difficulty walking 725 00:45:09.600 --> 00:45:10.600 straight. 726 00:45:10.600 --> 00:45:14.640 So for me, I'd rather do an activity so I'm not having to worry about trying to walk in 727 00:45:14.640 --> 00:45:18.000 a straight line where it's like, oh, we're doing an activity, we're having fun, it's 728 00:45:18.000 --> 00:45:20.080 a good time. 729 00:45:20.080 --> 00:45:24.360 And especially if you're nervous, I find that the locals will help you. 730 00:45:24.360 --> 00:45:28.720 If you're in a place where you're long distance, meeting halfway, you don't know anybody, if 731 00:45:28.720 --> 00:45:32.960 you just go to the bartender and be like, help me, they will help you. 732 00:45:32.960 --> 00:45:34.200 And it'll be hilarious. 733 00:45:34.200 --> 00:45:38.080 And the little town will always try to save you. 734 00:45:38.080 --> 00:45:43.240 And especially if you don't know anyone there, I always tell people, I'm like, yo, you can 735 00:45:43.240 --> 00:45:45.040 tell the barman that we're on a rescue mission. 736 00:45:45.040 --> 00:45:46.640 This date is not going well. 737 00:45:46.640 --> 00:45:50.120 I've driven half an hour, like two hours to meet this girl halfway, help me. 738 00:45:50.120 --> 00:45:52.480 And the bar and those sitting around it will always help you. 739 00:45:52.480 --> 00:45:57.320 So I love that Dave is not content to have an ordinary date. 740 00:45:57.320 --> 00:45:59.440 You will make his story a hallmark story. 741 00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:00.880 I love it. 742 00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:01.880 That's fabulous. 743 00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:05.520 Oh, man, more good ideas in the chat. 744 00:46:05.520 --> 00:46:09.480 Tiffany, is that a new hand or is that a prior hand? 745 00:46:09.480 --> 00:46:10.880 Lay it on us. 746 00:46:10.880 --> 00:46:14.760 If you guys have a library card, which most people do, if you have a library card, at 747 00:46:14.760 --> 00:46:19.280 least they do this in Atlanta and some other bigger cities, they have free tickets there. 748 00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:23.560 So let's say you want to go to the zoo, you want to go to a museum, you can go and take 749 00:46:23.560 --> 00:46:27.080 your library card, go up to the front desk and see what freebies they have. 750 00:46:27.080 --> 00:46:31.760 Again, I've got tickets to plays, I've got tickets to the theater, to Fox Theater, to 751 00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:34.000 zoos, to museums, to the aquarium. 752 00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:38.400 They have so many free tickets that they get per month and you can just go and ask for 753 00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:39.800 them and they will give them to you. 754 00:46:39.800 --> 00:46:43.520 So and then you can go and do whatever, you know, you might have to pay for parking. 755 00:46:43.520 --> 00:46:47.000 Every now and then they may have a parking pass for you for free, but you may have to 756 00:46:47.000 --> 00:46:48.000 pay for parking. 757 00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:52.200 But, you know, you could go see the aquarium and that could be $40, $50, whereas you can 758 00:46:52.200 --> 00:46:53.960 get a ticket there and it's for free. 759 00:46:53.960 --> 00:46:58.160 So what I kind of do is made friends with my librarian and some of the ladies at the 760 00:46:58.160 --> 00:46:59.160 front counter. 761 00:46:59.160 --> 00:47:02.200 I'm like, what's the days that you guys get, you know, your tickets in? 762 00:47:02.200 --> 00:47:05.400 And they'll tell me, OK, we get tickets in, you know, once a month or twice a month. 763 00:47:05.400 --> 00:47:06.400 Here are the days. 764 00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:10.600 And I'll go in there and ask and they'll say, hey, this particular new, like Shen Yun is 765 00:47:10.600 --> 00:47:11.600 getting ready to come. 766 00:47:11.600 --> 00:47:15.440 And they'll say, hey, Shen Yun is coming, we'll have tickets and there'll be good seats. 767 00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:17.960 Like there'll be good seats sometimes, even sporting events. 768 00:47:17.960 --> 00:47:20.440 So definitely, you know, don't sleep on your library. 769 00:47:20.440 --> 00:47:21.840 They have freebies there. 770 00:47:22.800 --> 00:47:23.800 Awesome. 771 00:47:23.800 --> 00:47:24.800 Great tip. 772 00:47:24.800 --> 00:47:25.800 Thank you. 773 00:47:25.800 --> 00:47:26.800 Awesome. 774 00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:29.000 All right. 775 00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:31.640 Let's see. 776 00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:38.880 I saw I saw something in the chat earlier, Brenda Horn had a good question about starting 777 00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:42.840 conversations and then they just ping back and forth into conversations, but they never 778 00:47:42.840 --> 00:47:48.120 actually get to the point where the one of you invites the other of you on a date. 779 00:47:48.520 --> 00:47:53.880 And I bet lots of people in this community have figured out scripts and ways to overcome 780 00:47:53.880 --> 00:47:54.880 that hurdle. 781 00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:56.360 What do you got for us? 782 00:47:56.360 --> 00:48:02.440 What's your go to move to turn off the just chatting back and forth, texting, chatting 783 00:48:02.440 --> 00:48:03.440 in the app? 784 00:48:03.440 --> 00:48:07.760 And let me just say this, this is what I say, especially if I'm online. 785 00:48:07.760 --> 00:48:10.720 Your five free trial has ended. 786 00:48:10.720 --> 00:48:12.080 Your five free days have ended. 787 00:48:12.080 --> 00:48:15.000 Your seven free trial days of speaking to me has ended. 788 00:48:15.000 --> 00:48:18.280 If you would like to continue this conversation, this is the number. 789 00:48:18.280 --> 00:48:21.200 If not, I'm going to imagine you and they will laugh so hard. 790 00:48:21.200 --> 00:48:22.200 They're like, wow. 791 00:48:22.200 --> 00:48:23.520 I'm like, no, I'm not going to. 792 00:48:23.520 --> 00:48:25.200 Like Jackie said, this is a dating app. 793 00:48:25.200 --> 00:48:26.280 You date. 794 00:48:26.280 --> 00:48:30.560 So you're you know, your seven free days of chatter on the app is up. 795 00:48:30.560 --> 00:48:34.120 And if you would like to continue the conversation, here's my number. 796 00:48:34.120 --> 00:48:37.040 Here's my email address or whatever I feel comfortable to give to them. 797 00:48:37.040 --> 00:48:39.480 I said, but, you know, I'm going to move on. 798 00:48:39.480 --> 00:48:40.960 And they're like, OK, I want to talk to you. 799 00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:41.960 Like, OK. 800 00:48:41.960 --> 00:48:43.240 And I don't text men ever. 801 00:48:43.240 --> 00:48:46.440 So I always tell them, look, I can give you my number, but I don't text. 802 00:48:46.440 --> 00:48:49.800 So if you want to have a text conversation, I'm probably not the person for you. 803 00:48:49.800 --> 00:48:51.480 I need to hear your voice. 804 00:48:51.480 --> 00:48:53.160 And sometimes they'll say, no, I can't. 805 00:48:53.160 --> 00:48:55.280 I don't know you that well enough to talk to you on the phone. 806 00:48:55.280 --> 00:48:58.880 I have to text and I'm like, nope, that's the, you know, my boundary. 807 00:48:58.880 --> 00:49:03.240 But I just tell them, hey, you're five, three, seven free days are up like I'm going to move 808 00:49:03.240 --> 00:49:04.240 on. 809 00:49:04.240 --> 00:49:06.400 So and they typically laugh and say, OK, yeah, I want to talk. 810 00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:08.400 So that's a way to do it. 811 00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:10.400 That is clever. 812 00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:15.320 Maybe they also have strategies they use, things they say. 813 00:49:16.640 --> 00:49:20.160 Yeah, I think just just use humor, that's always a good one. 814 00:49:20.160 --> 00:49:23.320 And sometimes I might say, like, oh, it looks like we lost that loving feeling, like if 815 00:49:23.320 --> 00:49:26.880 they've ghosted you and it's been a couple of days and then they always respond laughing 816 00:49:26.880 --> 00:49:29.040 like, oh, hey, yeah, let's talk again. 817 00:49:29.680 --> 00:49:34.000 And I think humor is always great, like especially if, like, let's say you were talking 818 00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:37.480 about Bob Dylan and be like, oh, man, and they go, she'd be like, oh, I guess I'm going 819 00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:39.560 to have to return these Bob Dylan tickets or something. 820 00:49:39.560 --> 00:49:41.360 Like, that's always fun. 821 00:49:41.360 --> 00:49:45.960 And just kind of like playing the banter back and just not letting it phase you. 822 00:49:45.960 --> 00:49:49.760 And you know what? Like, I find like just I stole this from Renee. 823 00:49:49.760 --> 00:49:50.920 So credits to Rizzo. 824 00:49:51.640 --> 00:49:56.440 But just like saying like, hey, let's have a video chat and be like, if they're not 825 00:49:56.440 --> 00:49:59.960 really if you've been talking for like a week or two and they're just like, hey. 826 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.440 I'm not interested in a video chat or even a call. 827 00:50:02.440 --> 00:50:04.840 Like sometimes people are nervous with video, that's fine. 828 00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:07.880 But like, if it's been like three weeks of kind of talking 829 00:50:07.880 --> 00:50:09.880 and for me, if they're not interested in a video chat, 830 00:50:09.880 --> 00:50:11.620 I kind of move on and I just say thank you 831 00:50:11.620 --> 00:50:12.720 and then just move on. 832 00:50:13.900 --> 00:50:15.520 So question of curiosity, 833 00:50:15.520 --> 00:50:19.220 I never give it three weeks of chat before the date, 834 00:50:19.220 --> 00:50:22.200 but I'm wondering if others of you do and if that works, 835 00:50:22.200 --> 00:50:25.100 do you have situations where it's three full weeks 836 00:50:25.100 --> 00:50:27.940 of texting and chatting or chatting in the app 837 00:50:27.940 --> 00:50:30.280 and then they make the move to the date? 838 00:50:32.060 --> 00:50:33.460 Yeah, it works all the time, but. 839 00:50:33.460 --> 00:50:34.720 That's for you, okay. 840 00:50:35.820 --> 00:50:40.820 I feel like I personally have only ever recall 841 00:50:40.900 --> 00:50:44.380 texting someone for two weeks before we went 842 00:50:44.380 --> 00:50:48.420 on the first date because I think I had some 843 00:50:48.420 --> 00:50:50.700 internal hesitation about going on the date at all 844 00:50:50.700 --> 00:50:54.220 and he continued asking, which I think in hindsight 845 00:50:54.260 --> 00:50:57.580 might be a good way to reflect on, 846 00:50:57.580 --> 00:50:59.100 if a date is not happening, 847 00:50:59.100 --> 00:51:01.260 it might be because there's some reticence 848 00:51:01.260 --> 00:51:03.180 on the other party's side, 849 00:51:03.180 --> 00:51:07.060 because for me there was and looking back in hindsight, 850 00:51:07.060 --> 00:51:08.860 I was intuiting something, 851 00:51:08.860 --> 00:51:11.920 I was not supposed to go out with that particular person. 852 00:51:13.540 --> 00:51:17.020 So I think that like a week for me, 853 00:51:17.020 --> 00:51:21.420 if we have not decided that we want to meet up 854 00:51:21.420 --> 00:51:24.300 or talk at least in FaceTime, 855 00:51:24.300 --> 00:51:28.380 then I tend to feel like this is just a distraction 856 00:51:28.380 --> 00:51:31.660 at that point, it's just too much back and forth 857 00:51:31.660 --> 00:51:36.380 and it doesn't really feel respectful of each other's time. 858 00:51:36.380 --> 00:51:37.900 That's just how I feel. 859 00:51:37.900 --> 00:51:41.060 I don't think I've ever belabored it longer than that 860 00:51:41.060 --> 00:51:43.940 unless I had some hesitation about meeting up. 861 00:51:47.660 --> 00:51:49.220 I'm pretty speedy myself. 862 00:51:50.220 --> 00:51:52.180 Maybe two or three days, 863 00:51:52.180 --> 00:51:53.940 two or three solid conversations, 864 00:51:53.940 --> 00:51:56.300 like texting for half an hour back and forth or something, 865 00:51:56.300 --> 00:51:57.900 that would count as conversation. 866 00:51:57.900 --> 00:52:01.060 Two or three of those and then like, 867 00:52:01.060 --> 00:52:03.380 I've run out of stuff that I wanna text about 868 00:52:05.140 --> 00:52:05.980 because I don't know them, 869 00:52:05.980 --> 00:52:07.220 they're like this weird in between 870 00:52:07.220 --> 00:52:09.060 stranger not stranger thing. 871 00:52:09.060 --> 00:52:10.860 So then I usually say something like, 872 00:52:10.860 --> 00:52:12.140 well, you seem like a solid guy, 873 00:52:12.140 --> 00:52:14.580 if you'd be interested in a date, let me know. 874 00:52:14.580 --> 00:52:18.500 And then he almost always says, yeah, totally. 875 00:52:18.620 --> 00:52:21.980 And then either does follow through or doesn't follow through 876 00:52:21.980 --> 00:52:23.740 but usually he does follow through. 877 00:52:24.700 --> 00:52:27.060 And a couple of times I've had guys be like, 878 00:52:27.060 --> 00:52:28.460 wow, at that point, 879 00:52:28.460 --> 00:52:31.220 I wasn't even sure if you were a robot or not. 880 00:52:32.380 --> 00:52:35.420 So the Zoom call helps to like clarify 881 00:52:35.420 --> 00:52:37.900 that I'm a human, three dimensional. 882 00:52:37.900 --> 00:52:39.780 But yeah, usually that works for me, 883 00:52:39.780 --> 00:52:41.260 just a couple of days of chat 884 00:52:41.260 --> 00:52:44.820 and then when I am done with the chat banter, 885 00:52:44.820 --> 00:52:46.180 I'm not interested in getting to know 886 00:52:46.180 --> 00:52:47.500 the chat version of him. 887 00:52:47.500 --> 00:52:50.820 So let's spend time together if you're interested. 888 00:52:50.820 --> 00:52:53.740 But I usually, I think the thing that helps 889 00:52:53.740 --> 00:52:55.380 that move on for me, 890 00:52:55.380 --> 00:52:57.820 just reading between the lines of what's worked or not 891 00:52:57.820 --> 00:53:02.820 is being super blunt about my willingness for a date 892 00:53:03.660 --> 00:53:06.540 coupled with an affirmation of him. 893 00:53:06.540 --> 00:53:08.180 You seem like a solid guy. 894 00:53:08.180 --> 00:53:10.340 You seem like you've got your head on the shoulders. 895 00:53:10.340 --> 00:53:12.140 You seem like a really good dude. 896 00:53:12.140 --> 00:53:15.420 Just some like, all I can know about him at that point 897 00:53:15.420 --> 00:53:18.340 is that amount of compliment, right? 898 00:53:18.340 --> 00:53:20.820 I can't say you seem like you really have 899 00:53:20.820 --> 00:53:22.420 depths of heart and character 900 00:53:22.420 --> 00:53:23.740 because I don't know him that well. 901 00:53:23.740 --> 00:53:25.460 But I can usually say he seems like a solid guy 902 00:53:25.460 --> 00:53:26.620 or a good dude. 903 00:53:26.620 --> 00:53:28.500 If you want a date, let me know. 904 00:53:28.500 --> 00:53:29.460 And then that leaves, 905 00:53:29.460 --> 00:53:30.940 still leaves it to him to like decide 906 00:53:30.940 --> 00:53:32.860 if he wants a date and ask. 907 00:53:32.860 --> 00:53:33.700 But that's worked for me. 908 00:53:33.700 --> 00:53:35.500 So take it if you'd like it. 909 00:53:36.580 --> 00:53:38.140 Victoria Jeanette, sweet. 910 00:53:38.140 --> 00:53:39.260 I see your hand. 911 00:53:43.100 --> 00:53:44.540 I think you might be muted. 912 00:53:46.420 --> 00:53:48.820 I see you talking, but I don't hear you talking. 913 00:53:51.140 --> 00:53:52.660 I can't fix it on my phone. 914 00:53:54.380 --> 00:53:57.380 Yeah, I look weird. 915 00:53:57.380 --> 00:54:01.060 But I haven't actually said, let's go on a date. 916 00:54:01.060 --> 00:54:05.820 I've been having these long intermittent connections 917 00:54:05.820 --> 00:54:08.460 with texting on either Facebook or other apps. 918 00:54:08.460 --> 00:54:09.700 I'm on Bumble. 919 00:54:09.700 --> 00:54:12.900 And I'll say, are you interested 920 00:54:12.900 --> 00:54:15.060 in getting to know one another further? 921 00:54:15.220 --> 00:54:16.100 Are you still interested? 922 00:54:16.100 --> 00:54:17.420 I haven't heard from you. 923 00:54:17.420 --> 00:54:18.860 And they'll say, yes, definitely. 924 00:54:18.860 --> 00:54:21.580 And then the messages are just very infrequent, 925 00:54:21.580 --> 00:54:22.860 not much substance. 926 00:54:23.780 --> 00:54:25.100 Or if it is, I'm like, no, 927 00:54:25.100 --> 00:54:26.740 I don't think I want to get to know him any further, 928 00:54:26.740 --> 00:54:29.420 but it's never been talked about about a date. 929 00:54:29.420 --> 00:54:31.500 And so I'm wondering like, am I supposed to bring that up? 930 00:54:31.500 --> 00:54:34.580 Cause I like how Tiffany approached that. 931 00:54:34.580 --> 00:54:37.020 I just, I'm not sure if I'm, what am I doing wrong? 932 00:54:37.020 --> 00:54:39.780 Because it's inconsistent texting. 933 00:54:39.780 --> 00:54:41.060 They'll give me their number. 934 00:54:41.060 --> 00:54:43.020 I have their number, but they won't call. 935 00:54:43.020 --> 00:54:44.620 Or they'll text me and say, 936 00:54:45.140 --> 00:54:46.140 yeah, I'd love to see you this weekend. 937 00:54:46.140 --> 00:54:47.460 And then nothing. 938 00:54:47.460 --> 00:54:48.460 Or, you know what I'm saying? 939 00:54:48.460 --> 00:54:51.300 Like, it's just, anybody have any suggestions 940 00:54:51.300 --> 00:54:53.020 on how to fix that? 941 00:54:53.020 --> 00:54:56.580 Because I did message a few people to say Merry Christmas. 942 00:54:56.580 --> 00:55:01.580 And I got a few responses, but not consistent phone calls. 943 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.760 is not ever asking me out and inconsistent texting. 944 00:55:04.760 --> 00:55:06.840 So I'm curious as to how to stop that. 945 00:55:06.840 --> 00:55:08.700 Do I just delete them all and move on? 946 00:55:11.640 --> 00:55:14.480 I would say this would be a good situation 947 00:55:14.480 --> 00:55:17.960 for using the word date and then for not being willing 948 00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:21.660 to continue the status quo unless there is motion to a date. 949 00:55:21.660 --> 00:55:24.640 Like if you say, are you interested in continuing 950 00:55:24.640 --> 00:55:25.680 to get to know me? 951 00:55:25.680 --> 00:55:28.400 That reads as, are you interested in continuing 952 00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:30.360 what we have going on right now, 953 00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:32.440 which you know is insufficient. 954 00:55:32.440 --> 00:55:34.580 That's not heading toward marriage, 955 00:55:35.580 --> 00:55:38.280 but it reads as, I want this to continue, 956 00:55:38.280 --> 00:55:39.780 this thing we have going here. 957 00:55:41.360 --> 00:55:43.380 So yeah, like using the word date, 958 00:55:43.380 --> 00:55:46.680 but then also if he doesn't say, 959 00:55:46.680 --> 00:55:49.880 yeah, I want a video date or whatever you phrased, 960 00:55:49.880 --> 00:55:52.640 and then actually go ahead and make it happen, 961 00:55:52.640 --> 00:55:54.760 then it's okay to be like, yeah, it sounds like 962 00:55:54.760 --> 00:55:56.640 you're not in a really good dating season right now. 963 00:55:56.680 --> 00:55:59.880 No harm, if your season changes, circle back around to me, 964 00:55:59.880 --> 00:56:01.680 maybe I'll still be single. 965 00:56:01.680 --> 00:56:03.400 Leave that door open, but politely, 966 00:56:03.400 --> 00:56:05.600 you're not rejecting him as a human. 967 00:56:05.600 --> 00:56:06.840 You're just saying, oh, I'm not, no, 968 00:56:06.840 --> 00:56:09.080 I'm not into texting thing, I'm going on dates. 969 00:56:09.080 --> 00:56:11.120 Let me know if that's something you're interested in. 970 00:56:12.280 --> 00:56:13.620 That would be my thoughts there. 971 00:56:13.620 --> 00:56:17.000 I see other people have hands up to chime in. 972 00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:18.200 Natasha, you had a different thing. 973 00:56:18.200 --> 00:56:19.700 I want to not forget you. 974 00:56:20.520 --> 00:56:22.920 Does anybody have a bit of wisdom 975 00:56:22.920 --> 00:56:25.320 for Victoria's suggestion right there? 976 00:56:27.040 --> 00:56:28.240 For Victoria's question? 977 00:56:29.840 --> 00:56:31.440 Now I can't tell what the hands mean. 978 00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:35.080 Well, I think, well, just to add into Victoria's question, 979 00:56:35.080 --> 00:56:38.120 I think there's a lot of, with one of, 980 00:56:38.120 --> 00:56:39.760 and I don't know when exactly that was, 981 00:56:39.760 --> 00:56:41.720 but one of Renee's coaching when she was, 982 00:56:41.720 --> 00:56:42.840 cause she was saying that there are lots 983 00:56:42.840 --> 00:56:44.720 of recurrent questions coming up. 984 00:56:44.720 --> 00:56:48.080 So she had a session where she was kind of coaching us 985 00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:50.360 in terms of things to say in situations like this. 986 00:56:50.360 --> 00:56:52.280 And there was a lot of lovely nuggets, 987 00:56:53.160 --> 00:56:55.560 like around, you know, like I'm a visual learner 988 00:56:55.560 --> 00:56:58.680 and I prefer to, I prefer to, 989 00:56:58.680 --> 00:57:01.160 when I'm learning about someone to kind of like see them. 990 00:57:01.160 --> 00:57:04.520 So whether that's on a video or in-person date, 991 00:57:04.520 --> 00:57:06.040 because that's how I learned. 992 00:57:06.040 --> 00:57:07.040 I learned better that way. 993 00:57:07.040 --> 00:57:07.920 So things like that. 994 00:57:07.920 --> 00:57:09.240 So the little nuggets that, 995 00:57:09.240 --> 00:57:13.080 of sayings that she had to support that. 996 00:57:13.080 --> 00:57:14.640 I'm just not sure what month it is. 997 00:57:14.640 --> 00:57:16.960 I'm sure if I look at, no, yep. 998 00:57:16.960 --> 00:57:18.200 I'm sure I saved it in my emails. 999 00:57:18.200 --> 00:57:19.040 I could check. 1000 00:57:20.240 --> 00:57:21.080 I don't know if I wrote down- 1001 00:57:21.080 --> 00:57:23.640 Did I keep all of the notes, Renee? 1002 00:57:23.640 --> 00:57:24.480 But I did. 1003 00:57:24.480 --> 00:57:26.480 Like I wrote kind of like emails, 1004 00:57:26.480 --> 00:57:29.360 like saved it in my drafts of my emails. 1005 00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:30.200 Cause I was just like, 1006 00:57:30.200 --> 00:57:32.480 then I can copy and paste and just load it on, 1007 00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:34.520 onto whatever dating app that I'm on. 1008 00:57:34.520 --> 00:57:36.160 So that was a shortcut for me. 1009 00:57:36.160 --> 00:57:37.760 So I kind of like heard it 1010 00:57:37.760 --> 00:57:39.440 and then I wrote it in my own voice 1011 00:57:39.440 --> 00:57:40.920 and then I'll just copy and paste 1012 00:57:40.920 --> 00:57:43.360 in terms of when things were stagnant like that. 1013 00:57:44.400 --> 00:57:46.640 I'm just not sure if I wrote when, 1014 00:57:47.720 --> 00:57:49.840 when that, when that was. 1015 00:57:50.840 --> 00:57:51.680 Yeah. 1016 00:57:53.680 --> 00:57:55.800 While you're looking at it, Helen Sokal, 1017 00:57:55.800 --> 00:57:58.040 I saw your hand go up also. 1018 00:58:01.520 --> 00:58:03.720 Yeah, I was wondering if, 1019 00:58:03.720 --> 00:58:06.760 just a question on the online thing 1020 00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:08.160 and texting and all of that, 1021 00:58:08.160 --> 00:58:10.160 am I overdoing it by, 1022 00:58:10.160 --> 00:58:11.960 so I always get the, 1023 00:58:11.960 --> 00:58:13.680 I ask for the phone number, 1024 00:58:13.680 --> 00:58:15.440 the guy's phone number. 1025 00:58:15.440 --> 00:58:16.560 I'm like, yeah, let's, 1026 00:58:16.560 --> 00:58:18.040 give me your number and then I'll text you 1027 00:58:18.040 --> 00:58:19.240 and then we can chat. 1028 00:58:19.680 --> 00:58:20.520 And then I, 1029 00:58:20.520 --> 00:58:22.720 I Google search that number 1030 00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:26.560 and I feel nervous when nothing comes up. 1031 00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:27.880 Like I've had guys where their number 1032 00:58:27.880 --> 00:58:29.280 doesn't come up on Google 1033 00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:31.440 or it comes up with somebody's name, 1034 00:58:31.440 --> 00:58:32.840 which there could be various reasons 1035 00:58:32.840 --> 00:58:35.000 for that happening. 1036 00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:35.840 But I, I, 1037 00:58:35.840 --> 00:58:37.560 I just find it sketched that 1038 00:58:37.560 --> 00:58:39.400 their phone number doesn't match their name, 1039 00:58:39.400 --> 00:58:41.080 which a lot of people have family plans 1040 00:58:41.080 --> 00:58:42.560 and things like that, right? 1041 00:58:42.560 --> 00:58:44.360 And I've actually texted the people 1042 00:58:44.360 --> 00:58:45.800 who are associated with that number. 1043 00:58:45.800 --> 00:58:47.640 And I'm like, do you know so-and-so? 1044 00:58:47.640 --> 00:58:48.520 They text, 1045 00:58:48.520 --> 00:58:49.800 I met them on Facebook dating, 1046 00:58:49.800 --> 00:58:50.840 nobody replies. 1047 00:58:51.800 --> 00:58:53.680 But anyway, as a girl, 1048 00:58:53.680 --> 00:58:56.520 I just kind of feel like I need to do that homework. 1049 00:58:58.680 --> 00:59:01.000 Yeah, to research their phone number 1050 00:59:01.000 --> 00:59:03.320 before I start talking with them. 1051 00:59:03.320 --> 00:59:04.480 I don't know if that's, 1052 00:59:04.480 --> 00:59:07.160 I don't know if that's me not being God defended, 1053 00:59:07.160 --> 00:59:08.000 you know? 1054 00:59:11.360 --> 00:59:13.840 You know, far, far be it from people, 1055 00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:17.520 from us to recommend people be riskier, 1056 00:59:18.400 --> 00:59:21.480 it sounds like that might be fear motivated. 1057 00:59:21.480 --> 00:59:24.080 If you were to be texting with somebody 1058 00:59:24.080 --> 00:59:25.440 who's on the, 1059 00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:27.160 who's given you their number, 1060 00:59:29.560 --> 00:59:32.760 and it turns out they're not as upstanding a guy 1061 00:59:32.760 --> 00:59:36.080 as they have first presented themselves to be, 1062 00:59:36.080 --> 00:59:39.480 you'll have lots of opportunities to like, 1063 00:59:39.480 --> 00:59:43.120 perceive that and end the communication. 1064 00:59:46.040 --> 00:59:46.880 Yeah. 1065 00:59:47.840 --> 00:59:49.160 That makes sense. 1066 00:59:49.160 --> 00:59:52.240 It's worth looking into if there's fear underlying that, 1067 00:59:52.240 --> 00:59:54.440 or if there's something else underlying that. 1068 00:59:55.480 --> 00:59:56.760 Heather, I see your hand. 1069 00:59:57.720 --> 00:59:59.160 Earlier what I was wanting to say, 1070 00:59:59.160 --> 01:00:00.840 and I think it's important to say, 1071 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.260 think it speaks to this because what I experienced is that I had an experience 1072 01:00:00.840 --> 01:00:03.080 is that I am not a Christian, 1073 01:00:03.080 --> 01:00:04.840 and I don't believe in God. 1074 01:00:04.260 --> 01:00:10.040 where I was talking to someone, it was on an intonations app, which is an app for 1075 01:00:04.840 --> 01:00:07.320 I don't believe in anything that's not true. 1076 01:00:07.320 --> 01:00:08.840 I don't believe in God. 1077 01:00:08.840 --> 01:00:09.840 I don't believe in, 1078 01:00:09.840 --> 01:00:11.640 I don't believe in God. 1079 01:00:10.040 --> 01:00:12.960 expatriates, but then they reached out wanting to get to know me. 1080 01:00:11.640 --> 01:00:13.200 I don't believe in God. 1081 01:00:12.960 --> 01:00:16.680 And then, so I gave them the number to WhatsApp me and we were WhatsAppping, 1082 01:00:13.200 --> 01:00:14.880 I don't believe in God. 1083 01:00:14.880 --> 01:00:16.240 I don't believe in God. 1084 01:00:16.680 --> 01:00:20.280 but it was interesting because I tried to move it very quickly to, let's say, 1085 01:00:20.300 --> 01:00:25.500 like at least a voice message, just to hear, and the accent didn't match where 1086 01:00:25.500 --> 01:00:29.000 the person said they were from, because they said they were from the UK, but I 1087 01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:31.540 was hearing a very strong African accent. 1088 01:00:31.900 --> 01:00:34.380 And so I asked to do a video. 1089 01:00:34.380 --> 01:00:38.380 And when I did a video, I'm pretty sure it was a deep fake because it was like 1090 01:00:38.420 --> 01:00:41.060 the picture and the person didn't kind of align. 1091 01:00:41.060 --> 01:00:45.980 It's like, there was a bit of a glitch and there was a glitch in the vocal. 1092 01:00:46.340 --> 01:00:50.740 And I was just like, and yeah, and I would say I was God defended 1093 01:00:50.740 --> 01:00:52.180 because God just said, run. 1094 01:00:53.060 --> 01:00:56.060 And I, I blocked them immediately because I was just like, I'm 1095 01:00:56.060 --> 01:00:57.320 not even going to unpack this. 1096 01:00:57.320 --> 01:00:58.420 I'm just, I'm out. 1097 01:00:58.760 --> 01:01:03.340 You know, I was just like, no, this isn't, this doesn't feel safe. 1098 01:01:04.020 --> 01:01:07.940 It's such a beautiful thing when we're operating from our heart that has done 1099 01:01:07.940 --> 01:01:12.140 heart work, then we'll, we can know that, Hey, this is the Holy Spirit's voice 1100 01:01:12.140 --> 01:01:17.900 I'm hearing and not my own, like self-defensive, scared, panicky heart 1101 01:01:17.900 --> 01:01:20.180 operated, like, you can tell I recognize that heart. 1102 01:01:20.700 --> 01:01:22.160 Oh yeah. 1103 01:01:22.180 --> 01:01:26.380 But I love that you're able to like, Hey, nope, this is, I'm, I'm getting, 1104 01:01:26.640 --> 01:01:29.320 I'm getting suspicion and the Holy Spirit says, peace out. 1105 01:01:29.400 --> 01:01:31.840 So peace out, Heather. 1106 01:01:31.840 --> 01:01:32.600 I see your hand. 1107 01:01:34.240 --> 01:01:38.000 Um, I'm trying to remember what the first question was that I was going to answer 1108 01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:42.480 because I got distracted by this last one, but, um, just regarding, um, 1109 01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:47.760 the, you know, we live in the digital age. 1110 01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:50.520 There's no yellow pages or white pages that gives you everybody's 1111 01:01:50.520 --> 01:01:50.960 phone numbers. 1112 01:01:50.960 --> 01:01:52.040 That's legit anymore. 1113 01:01:52.040 --> 01:01:54.840 I mean, you can change your number just like we get Google numbers all the time. 1114 01:01:55.220 --> 01:01:58.340 Um, the phrase blessing block is like just a mantra. 1115 01:01:58.820 --> 01:02:03.940 Um, and so if I am talking to someone and I don't want to talk to them, you 1116 01:02:03.940 --> 01:02:05.140 are, I just blocked their number. 1117 01:02:05.620 --> 01:02:10.220 Um, I'm going to mute myself until I remember what I was going to say before 1118 01:02:10.220 --> 01:02:13.460 though, cause it was actually, I think more impactful, that's fair. 1119 01:02:13.460 --> 01:02:14.860 Put your hand back up when it comes back. 1120 01:02:17.420 --> 01:02:21.620 Uh, I see Helen's Oh, you're back. 1121 01:02:22.940 --> 01:02:23.460 Is she back? 1122 01:02:23.580 --> 01:02:23.980 Are you back? 1123 01:02:25.260 --> 01:02:25.860 No, she's gone. 1124 01:02:25.900 --> 01:02:26.140 Okay. 1125 01:02:26.140 --> 01:02:26.980 Helen, finish your thoughts. 1126 01:02:26.980 --> 01:02:27.580 Sorry about that. 1127 01:02:28.220 --> 01:02:31.800 I just want to say one of the reasons I don't give my real phone number. 1128 01:02:31.800 --> 01:02:35.100 I use my Google voice is that I Googled my own phone number. 1129 01:02:35.100 --> 01:02:38.260 It comes up with my first name and last name and my address. 1130 01:02:38.940 --> 01:02:41.980 And I'm like, I recommend everybody do that. 1131 01:02:41.980 --> 01:02:43.800 Just put in your own phone number on Google. 1132 01:02:43.800 --> 01:02:48.120 It, a lot of times come up, comes up with like all your information. 1133 01:02:48.620 --> 01:02:50.100 I don't want a stranger having that. 1134 01:02:50.100 --> 01:02:52.920 So I'm using my Google number until I meet them in person. 1135 01:02:52.920 --> 01:02:54.020 And then I give them myself. 1136 01:02:55.060 --> 01:02:55.700 It's a great idea. 1137 01:02:55.740 --> 01:02:56.640 I use a Google number too. 1138 01:02:56.700 --> 01:02:56.980 Yeah. 1139 01:02:57.240 --> 01:02:58.440 That's savvy. 1140 01:02:59.200 --> 01:03:01.260 Tiffany, I see your hand and then Candy C. 1141 01:03:02.800 --> 01:03:07.060 Um, for Victoria, I would suggest I always use the term meet and greet 1142 01:03:07.060 --> 01:03:10.180 because to me, that's a shorter duration of time with someone. 1143 01:03:10.440 --> 01:03:14.420 Cause you don't know if you want to spend, you know, an hour, you know, at 1144 01:03:14.420 --> 01:03:16.020 a first quote unquote date or whatever. 1145 01:03:16.200 --> 01:03:19.980 So I would suggest using the term meet and greet and then saying, Hey, I'm 1146 01:03:19.980 --> 01:03:23.160 available on Wednesday for a meet and greet between, and I do this because 1147 01:03:23.180 --> 01:03:25.920 I have a kid and it's like, these are the times I get, either you can 1148 01:03:25.940 --> 01:03:27.100 fit in these times or you can't. 1149 01:03:27.540 --> 01:03:30.660 Um, Hey, I'm available for a meet and greet on Wednesday. 1150 01:03:30.940 --> 01:03:34.400 Uh, from this time to that time, is that time work for you? 1151 01:03:34.620 --> 01:03:35.820 Um, I'm in this area. 1152 01:03:35.820 --> 01:03:37.800 Are you, are you close to that area? 1153 01:03:38.040 --> 01:03:39.780 That way it's almost kind of. 1154 01:03:40.420 --> 01:03:43.820 I don't want to say forcing, but making them understand that you're serious 1155 01:03:43.820 --> 01:03:48.480 about having some face-to-face time and that you are giving them options. 1156 01:03:48.660 --> 01:03:50.980 Maybe you give them two or three days and two or three times 1157 01:03:51.220 --> 01:03:52.800 that's available to you. 1158 01:03:53.020 --> 01:03:55.500 Now, and then say, Hey, does that work for your calendar? 1159 01:03:55.800 --> 01:03:58.940 And then they can kind of probably say, Oh, let me look and let me see. 1160 01:03:59.100 --> 01:04:02.020 Now, granted, some people have, even with me, some people have said, yeah, that 1161 01:04:02.020 --> 01:04:05.400 works and then they don't show up or whatever, and my philosophy is always, 1162 01:04:05.400 --> 01:04:06.820 Hey, Tiffany, you don't like everybody. 1163 01:04:06.820 --> 01:04:09.240 So you can't expect everybody to like you and it's fine. 1164 01:04:09.720 --> 01:04:13.840 Like it's fine, but I would suggest trying to give them again, a bank of 1165 01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:15.420 days and times for a meet and greet. 1166 01:04:15.560 --> 01:04:18.380 Tell them 30 minutes, 20 minutes, just to lay eyes on one another. 1167 01:04:18.380 --> 01:04:23.540 See if there's, you know, some, uh, if that chemistry or the conversations 1168 01:04:23.540 --> 01:04:28.860 that sparked online can, can translate well, um, face-to-face and then go from 1169 01:04:28.860 --> 01:04:32.420 there and that a lot of times that works for me because if they say, well, 1170 01:04:32.460 --> 01:04:36.180 Tiffany Wednesday doesn't work for me, but Friday does, can you meet 1171 01:04:36.180 --> 01:04:37.540 me for this time and that time? 1172 01:04:37.820 --> 01:04:41.640 And, um, yeah, so try that and see if that, if that works, but I would 1173 01:04:41.640 --> 01:04:46.760 caution to, I don't text because I am embarrassed to say this, but I 1174 01:04:46.800 --> 01:04:48.640 have fallen in love over texts. 1175 01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:50.880 So I don't text people at all. 1176 01:04:51.400 --> 01:04:53.360 I don't need to text you all day, every day. 1177 01:04:53.420 --> 01:04:54.080 I have a job. 1178 01:04:54.080 --> 01:04:54.800 I have a child. 1179 01:04:55.000 --> 01:04:58.000 If you want to talk to me on the phone, we can talk. 1180 01:04:58.000 --> 01:05:00.000 But if you just want a bunch of text messages. 1181 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.280 You won't get that from me. 1182 01:05:01.280 --> 01:05:02.480 You need to call me. 1183 01:05:02.480 --> 01:05:04.440 And I'm very clear with guys up front. 1184 01:05:04.440 --> 01:05:08.640 Like I said before, some guys go for it, some guys don't. 1185 01:05:08.640 --> 01:05:11.440 But maybe just trying to limit the texts 1186 01:05:11.440 --> 01:05:13.240 because they need to call you. 1187 01:05:13.240 --> 01:05:17.440 You need to hear their voice, in my opinion. 1188 01:05:17.440 --> 01:05:18.360 Nice. 1189 01:05:18.360 --> 01:05:19.720 Candy, I see your hand. 1190 01:05:19.720 --> 01:05:20.480 Yeah, OK. 1191 01:05:20.480 --> 01:05:20.980 Yeah. 1192 01:05:20.980 --> 01:05:23.480 Sorry, I cannot be on the. 1193 01:05:23.480 --> 01:05:27.360 OK, so I have a quick question, two questions, actually. 1194 01:05:27.360 --> 01:05:28.880 And I post it on the chat as well. 1195 01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:31.120 It's how to say to the date that I'm 1196 01:05:31.120 --> 01:05:33.280 taking this coaching class. 1197 01:05:33.280 --> 01:05:34.520 That's number one. 1198 01:05:34.520 --> 01:05:37.200 Number two is, what's a polite way to ask, 1199 01:05:37.200 --> 01:05:41.280 to invite him to join this program? 1200 01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:41.800 Yeah. 1201 01:05:41.800 --> 01:05:42.720 Great questions. 1202 01:05:45.440 --> 01:05:48.440 So is it somebody that you're like level two dating 1203 01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:50.640 and you are ready to tell him that you're 1204 01:05:50.640 --> 01:05:51.720 getting the coaching class? 1205 01:05:51.720 --> 01:05:53.640 Or? 1206 01:05:53.640 --> 01:05:56.320 Someone that, when I talk to that person, 1207 01:05:56.320 --> 01:06:00.960 I feel like, to me, it's a yellow flax. 1208 01:06:00.960 --> 01:06:04.560 But then he look at like a rest of flax. 1209 01:06:04.560 --> 01:06:10.000 So it seems to me that he's not, you know, he's not, 1210 01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:13.000 he need to be coached, that kind of feeling. 1211 01:06:13.000 --> 01:06:13.520 OK. 1212 01:06:13.520 --> 01:06:19.240 Yeah, so he doesn't give this conversation or a chance 1213 01:06:19.240 --> 01:06:21.200 or this relationship, not even a relationship, 1214 01:06:21.200 --> 01:06:23.000 but this conversation, I would say, yeah, 1215 01:06:23.000 --> 01:06:25.440 not a chance to go to move on. 1216 01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:29.000 There's a chance that we can meet, but he does not. 1217 01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:31.680 You know, it seems like when we talk a little bit 1218 01:06:31.680 --> 01:06:34.360 and right away, this is something, oh, 1219 01:06:34.360 --> 01:06:38.600 that he doesn't like, then he just drop it immediately. 1220 01:06:38.600 --> 01:06:39.680 Yeah, OK. 1221 01:06:39.680 --> 01:06:42.120 So for you, have you reached the no of it's a yes 1222 01:06:42.120 --> 01:06:43.400 until it's a no? 1223 01:06:43.400 --> 01:06:44.320 Yes. 1224 01:06:44.320 --> 01:06:45.320 OK. 1225 01:06:45.320 --> 01:06:48.440 So I have a script that I use in that circumstance, 1226 01:06:48.440 --> 01:06:51.440 but I bet other ladies do too. 1227 01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:52.760 Anybody want to chime up? 1228 01:06:52.760 --> 01:06:54.640 What would you do in her situation 1229 01:06:54.640 --> 01:06:56.720 if she's reached a no, but she still 1230 01:06:56.720 --> 01:06:58.760 wants to refer the guy to 1822? 1231 01:06:58.760 --> 01:07:00.640 Do you have things that you say? 1232 01:07:04.240 --> 01:07:06.080 I will jump in then. 1233 01:07:06.080 --> 01:07:11.880 Yeah, I like, I, the good, solid, plain compliment 1234 01:07:11.880 --> 01:07:14.880 is my go to tool for this one too. 1235 01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:18.560 I say, hey, listen, you, I text it or call it or say it 1236 01:07:18.560 --> 01:07:20.080 in person if I'm in person with him, 1237 01:07:20.080 --> 01:07:23.760 but you're clearly a good dude, but I don't think 1238 01:07:23.800 --> 01:07:25.280 that we're really a match. 1239 01:07:25.280 --> 01:07:27.600 But I'm connected with a community 1240 01:07:27.600 --> 01:07:30.760 that has a whole bunch of really great gals in it. 1241 01:07:30.760 --> 01:07:33.000 And there's a men's group that goes with it, 1242 01:07:33.000 --> 01:07:35.480 and those men get to meet these gals. 1243 01:07:35.480 --> 01:07:38.240 So let me recommend you join that group, 1244 01:07:38.240 --> 01:07:41.720 because I think you might get some really great advice that 1245 01:07:41.720 --> 01:07:44.360 will help with your dating adventures. 1246 01:07:44.360 --> 01:07:47.560 And plus, you'll get to, you'll get 1247 01:07:47.560 --> 01:07:50.040 to meet a lot of great gals in the community 1248 01:07:50.040 --> 01:07:52.960 and decide if you want to meet them in person. 1249 01:07:52.960 --> 01:07:56.520 And then I like send them the link to Jackie.com 1250 01:07:56.520 --> 01:07:59.440 or send them the link to the Facebook page. 1251 01:07:59.440 --> 01:08:00.600 But yeah, that's what I do. 1252 01:08:00.600 --> 01:08:01.960 I say, hey, you're a good dude. 1253 01:08:01.960 --> 01:08:02.800 We're not a match. 1254 01:08:02.800 --> 01:08:05.280 That's a bummer, but I have a plan for you. 1255 01:08:05.280 --> 01:08:06.080 And then recommend. 1256 01:08:06.080 --> 01:08:07.720 OK. 1257 01:08:07.720 --> 01:08:09.040 OK. 1258 01:08:09.040 --> 01:08:09.560 OK. 1259 01:08:09.560 --> 01:08:10.080 All right. 1260 01:08:10.080 --> 01:08:11.800 Anybody else have anything they do there that you'd 1261 01:08:11.800 --> 01:08:12.560 like to add to? 1262 01:08:15.080 --> 01:08:18.560 Community wisdom for this situation. 1263 01:08:18.560 --> 01:08:20.359 I'm also looking at my count, my clock, 1264 01:08:20.359 --> 01:08:22.080 and it is we are out of time. 1265 01:08:22.200 --> 01:08:26.319 And so we should probably start to wrap up. 1266 01:08:26.319 --> 01:08:27.920 Helen, I see your hand's still up. 1267 01:08:27.920 --> 01:08:30.040 Is that for a prior thing? 1268 01:08:30.040 --> 01:08:30.760 Oh, I'm sorry. 1269 01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:31.240 I'll put it down. 1270 01:08:31.240 --> 01:08:31.760 OK, good. 1271 01:08:31.760 --> 01:08:33.040 I just want to make sure we didn't, like, 1272 01:08:33.040 --> 01:08:35.760 get halfway through a question and then I cut you off 1273 01:08:35.760 --> 01:08:38.640 by my voice and we never got back to you or something. 1274 01:08:38.640 --> 01:08:41.439 OK, so as we prepare to close down, 1275 01:08:41.439 --> 01:08:43.880 things that I need to make sure you know. 1276 01:08:43.880 --> 01:08:47.880 If you're interested in signing up for Times and Seasons, 1277 01:08:47.880 --> 01:08:49.720 the resources part of the app is where 1278 01:08:49.720 --> 01:08:50.760 you're going to find that link. 1279 01:08:50.760 --> 01:08:53.040 It is coming up really soon, so sign up really soon. 1280 01:08:58.000 --> 01:09:00.960 And Jackie is hoping to be here for Supernatural Saturday 1281 01:09:00.960 --> 01:09:04.120 planning, but, like, she's under the weather right now. 1282 01:09:04.120 --> 01:09:05.040 So we're willing. 1283 01:09:05.040 --> 01:09:07.240 She will be back over the weather. 1284 01:09:07.240 --> 01:09:09.680 And she'll be here for Supernatural Saturday. 1285 01:09:09.680 --> 01:09:13.560 She's got good stuff planned for us, so that's great. 1286 01:09:13.560 --> 01:09:16.840 And I think those are the only business things that we 1287 01:09:16.840 --> 01:09:18.319 need to talk about right now. 1288 01:09:18.319 --> 01:09:21.720 Hey, somebody who loves to pray, 1289 01:09:21.720 --> 01:09:24.560 would you mind praying us out tonight, praying in our new 1290 01:09:24.560 --> 01:09:26.720 year and praying health for Jackie? 1291 01:09:26.720 --> 01:09:28.479 We need a volunteer. 1292 01:09:28.479 --> 01:09:30.680 Oh, Michelle L., are you volunteering for that, 1293 01:09:30.680 --> 01:09:31.560 to pray? 1294 01:09:31.560 --> 01:09:33.840 I think your hand may have gone up while I was talking, 1295 01:09:33.840 --> 01:09:36.160 so that could be not what you're volunteering for. 1296 01:09:36.160 --> 01:09:38.560 No, I had a question, but maybe there's no time. 1297 01:09:38.560 --> 01:09:40.000 That's OK. 1298 01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:42.680 Do you want to drop it in the chat or? 1299 01:09:42.680 --> 01:09:46.920 Well, no, it's too long to explain Shabbat. 1300 01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:50.520 I can try to ask next time, I guess. 1301 01:09:50.520 --> 01:09:52.880 OK, you could also put it on the Facebook page, 1302 01:09:52.880 --> 01:09:54.640 because that's another great place for us 1303 01:09:54.640 --> 01:09:58.200 to source our community wisdom in comments 1304 01:09:58.200 --> 01:09:59.680 to each other's questions. 1305 01:09:59.680 --> 01:10:01.240 All right. 1306 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.160 It's nice to have a conversation, but it's okay. 1307 01:10:04.160 --> 01:10:05.160 Thanks for understanding. 1308 01:10:05.160 --> 01:10:09.440 This is my first time running this kind of event, and I want to be sure and follow my 1309 01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:10.440 instructions. 1310 01:10:10.440 --> 01:10:11.440 So thank you for that. 1311 01:10:11.440 --> 01:10:13.880 Anybody want to pray us out? 1312 01:10:13.880 --> 01:10:17.200 I'll pray. 1313 01:10:17.200 --> 01:10:19.760 So Father God, we thank you for this time and this moment, Lord God. 1314 01:10:19.760 --> 01:10:22.400 We thank you for what was deposited in us, Lord God. 1315 01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:25.480 We thank you for all the Godly wisdom, Lord God. 1316 01:10:25.480 --> 01:10:27.100 We thank you for 2026, Lord God. 1317 01:10:27.100 --> 01:10:32.080 We know that 2025, nothing was wasted, Lord, and we declare 2026 will not be wasted, God. 1318 01:10:32.080 --> 01:10:35.780 We thank you for the favor of God that surrounds us like a shield, because we have favor with 1319 01:10:35.780 --> 01:10:36.780 you. 1320 01:10:36.780 --> 01:10:37.780 We will have favor with men and women, Lord God. 1321 01:10:37.780 --> 01:10:40.140 We thank you that we are God-dependent, Lord God. 1322 01:10:40.140 --> 01:10:45.220 We trust you to tell us what we need to know about our future lives and spouses when we 1323 01:10:45.220 --> 01:10:46.220 need to know it, Lord God. 1324 01:10:46.220 --> 01:10:47.920 We thank you as we go out and date. 1325 01:10:47.920 --> 01:10:51.540 We thank you that the wind of heaven is at our backs, Lord God, and we just thank you 1326 01:10:51.540 --> 01:10:56.740 for the abundance of men and women, Lord God, Godly men and women that will begin to meet 1327 01:10:56.740 --> 01:10:58.540 us, Lord God, and be excited about us. 1328 01:10:58.540 --> 01:11:02.300 Father God, we just pray over Jackie and we plead the blood of Jesus over her, Lord God. 1329 01:11:02.300 --> 01:11:04.380 We pray her strength and her health, Lord God. 1330 01:11:04.380 --> 01:11:07.300 We thank you that sickness and disease will not overtake her, Lord God. 1331 01:11:07.300 --> 01:11:10.580 We thank you that even tonight she will begin to feel better, Lord God. 1332 01:11:10.580 --> 01:11:11.580 We thank you. 1333 01:11:11.580 --> 01:11:14.100 And we just come against the spirit of the flu and sickness over her body, Lord God, 1334 01:11:14.100 --> 01:11:15.500 and we thank you for total healing. 1335 01:11:15.500 --> 01:11:18.960 Lord God, we thank you again for this word that you're giving us. 1336 01:11:18.960 --> 01:11:22.460 We thank you for all the opportunities that we will have in 2026, God. 1337 01:11:22.460 --> 01:11:26.320 We are excited that there will be a lot of engagements and marriages, Lord God. 1338 01:11:26.320 --> 01:11:28.400 Everybody will meet their spirit mate today, even. 1339 01:11:28.400 --> 01:11:30.280 Lord God, thank you that it's us, Lord God. 1340 01:11:30.280 --> 01:11:35.040 We thank you that we are coming out of our rooms as brides and grooms, Lord God, according 1341 01:11:35.040 --> 01:11:37.720 to Joel 2.16, in Jesus' name, amen. 1342 01:11:37.720 --> 01:11:38.720 Amen. 1343 01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:39.720 Amen. 1344 01:11:39.720 --> 01:11:40.720 Amen. 1345 01:11:40.720 --> 01:11:41.720 Thank y'all for coming. 1346 01:11:41.720 --> 01:11:42.160 Happy New Year to us.