WEBVTT

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So yes, it's so happy. I'm so happy to be here with y'all. So happy to see Kim here.

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We got Mackenzie, Laura, Kim, Nancy, Mika, Leah. Leah, good to see you too. I've been

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meeting to catch up on your updates. I got Nadine, Karen, Teresa, Kelly. So good to see

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you. So I don't think I have anybody brand new to phase two. Teresa, you're brand new

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to phase two. Is this your first week? What's that? It is my first week. Well, welcome.

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I might've seen you in phase one. Maybe that's why you look familiar to me. Maybe it was

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my twin. They say we all have twins. So a little doppelganger doppelganger is like way

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back when I, like you find celebrities that like look like you. Yes. Well, welcome Teresa.

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We're so happy to have you here. So yes, this is in replay. So anybody that's coming on

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and watching a replay, we're so happy to have you here in phase two. My name is Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at last year's single. And so you'll see myself in Ebony

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here with you all in the love story accelerator. This is where we kind of release you from

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the you're not allowed to date. So now you're allowed to date. Okay. Um, don't let that

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freak you out. Okay. Everybody gets to do this at their own pace. All right. You're

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not forced to date, but we are going to kind of lead you into that. You know, let's get

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your feet wet. Some ladies are all about it and like ready to dive in. Other ladies want

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a little bit more of a, okay, I just want to ease in, dip my toe in, which is totally

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fine. Um, we're just here to help give you those tips, tricks, pointers of that. Now

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that you're coming in with some tools of some heart work and some heart healing, what dating

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can look like now and how dating can be different. And so we're going to give you guardrails.

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I don't like to tell you we have rules. Okay. Cause if you're like me, I often break rules.

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Okay. It was always a rule breaker, especially in last year's single. Okay. So if you, you

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know, oftentimes go on dates and you're like, I did this and I wasn't supposed to, don't

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worry ladies. There's probably something in dating that you might do that we tell you

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not to do. Don't be, don't be hard on yourself. Don't, don't beat yourself up. Don't feel

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like you can't come and share it with us coaches. Cause chances are as I probably did it. Okay.

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So I will be able to kind of pour into you some of the wisdom. Okay. Like, and I'll get,

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I'll see the side that I'm like, I get why you did it. I know why I did it. All right.

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Cause I'm stubborn. I'm a control freak. I like to do things my way. And now I have

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a bonus daughter that likes to do things her way too. So that's always fun. All right.

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So know that, you know, we're here to help give you wisdom and pour into you be your

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biggest cheerleaders. However, just keep in mind, I'm not doing my job as a, as a coach.

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I'm not going to stretch you. Okay. And tell you sometimes the things that, you know, not,

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I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going to always just tell you the things that you want to hear. I'm

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going to tell you the things that you need to hear. Okay. And sometimes the things that we

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need to hear aren't the things that we want to hear. All right. But know that it is coming

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always from a place of love and understanding and probably from a place of I've been there

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and I did the same thing. Okay. And I'm one of those people, I'll straight up admit to you what

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I did and I'll own it. So there's no shame. There's no shame at all. And you can blatantly

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ask me, Carla, did you do this? And I'll be very transparent with you. Okay. I'm all about

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transparency. All right. So just keep that in mind. We're here for you. But let's have fun.

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Let's have fun in this phase. Okay. I know it can get like, I know we go into hard work and

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we're healing and like, it's good. And we get in that comfort zone. And then some of us like,

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want to freak out because dating is scary. Dating was so scary for me. Y'all like, I

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took me a long time to get back into dating. Okay. But I want to encourage you that this season of

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dating can actually be really fun. It can be new. It can be different. It can be hard at times.

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It can stretch you. It can reveal some things that

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need healing, but we can have fun with it.

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All right, we can grow, we can learn all that good stuff.

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Okay, I'm gonna exit out of this here

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so I can see most of the chat here.

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Okay, good stuff.

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All right, got more and more people.

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All right, just a couple housekeeping items.

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So I kind of went over just the reminders of phase two

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for anybody that's jumping in, that's brand new to phase two

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or watching and replay.

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Don't rush through the process, okay?

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Just like phase one, don't rush through, okay?

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At the very minimum five weeks before you go to phase three.

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I would even say that's even pushing it,

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like that's pretty fast.

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That's allowing yourself one week per video content.

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Take your time, okay?

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Now, do we want you in here for like months and months

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and months and months and months?

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No, but if you need to be, like we get that too, all right?

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That's totally fine.

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Stephanie, you're good, you're sitting there laughing.

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Girl, you're good.

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Sometimes we just need a little bit more time to process

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and that is okay.

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I do not want any of you ladies feeling

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like you have to rush out of here

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where then you're not getting the support that you need.

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Okay, I am more concerned about you feeling supported

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than anything else, okay?

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That's why I don't want you ladies rushing through

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because if you rush through,

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chances are you're probably not truly getting the support

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and the wisdom and the growth

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that you really, truly, truly need to absorb, okay?

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And I say this from experience.

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I was in the program too.

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Y'all, most of you know, I came in 2020,

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didn't meet my husband until two years,

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two plus years into the program, okay?

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I've been married now since September of 23,

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so a little over two years, okay?

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So, lots of experience, lots of supernatural wisdom on that,

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lots of different things I can speak into about that.

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I was a single mom, dated long distance,

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lending a family, my husband was a widow,

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so obviously I have kids that lost a mother,

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I mean, all the things, really, okay?

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Their mother had mental health stuff.

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I was an unmarried mom, okay?

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I'd never been married before, so I was an unmarried person.

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So, there's lots of stuff there.

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So, there's probably something,

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I can probably have some type of similarity

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and relate in some way, okay?

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So, yeah, don't rush through.

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If you purchase Times and Seasons,

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know that that replay is in that section of your app,

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so you should have a little group,

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you know, a little community tab for that.

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So, I don't know how long that replay

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and that community will be up,

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so make sure that you watch the replay sooner

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rather than later.

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I'm speaking to myself because I was not 100% well

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when Bethany Hicks did that workshop,

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it was an extra workshop, it's like two hours,

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it's a two-hour session,

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so definitely make sure you get in there and watch that

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to kind of set the tone for your year

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and the times and seasons of 2026.

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But that reminder, I think I've already talked about,

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yeah, let's not rush into phase,

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phase through phase one and two.

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And then, yeah, and don't forget, ladies,

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we do these Tuesday calls, we do a little bit of teaching,

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we're gonna do a little bit of like, you know,

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hopefully do some breakouts

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where you guys can get to know each other

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with some questions, some guided questions.

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And then at the end of our time together,

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we'll open the floor up for some extra coaching

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if need be, myself and Ebony,

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we will always open ourselves up

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to be able to coach a little bit.

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Now, we can't do an extensive coaching,

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but I do utilize whatever questions you have,

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if it's a good topic that I really think

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many of you ladies are gonna benefit from,

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we can pull from that, okay?

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So I really do strongly encourage,

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like, don't be shy about your questions, okay?

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But I don't want you ladies to only wait

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for these live sessions to ask questions,

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make sure that you're going into the app

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and unpacking and processing.

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what's happening in your world in the app as well,

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because we will also do our best to coach you through that

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as well in the app.

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And then we might be like, hey, come to the live

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so we can kind of unpack a little more

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and have more dialogue, okay?

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So that's always an option.

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I know myself and Epony will be like, hey, are you coming?

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Because make sure you let me know

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because I wanna talk to you about this

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because we do think it's gonna help the group, okay?

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So just keep that in mind.

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If you're someone that just really needs

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more one-on-one time with one of the coaches,

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know that that is a resource that is available

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for an additional fee.

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So that service is available,

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and you're gonna find those services

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under the Resource tab in your app.

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So it will say Coaches for Hire.

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Myself and Epony, our schedules are up there.

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You can click on our pictures.

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Our schedules will pop up.

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You can hire us for a 50-minute time slot.

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There is a discount if you want to have a couple sessions.

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There's not just me and Epony.

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There's several coaches in our community.

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So there's some from phase one.

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There's some ladies that coach in phase three.

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So you have, and you'll get their bios too.

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So anybody that you just feel Holy Spirit is calling you to,

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you most certainly can hire them.

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And I've had people hire me,

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and then they actually try out a couple different ones,

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and they kind of flow around in the community

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so that they get perspective from all the different coaches.

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So just know that that's an option.

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Like I said, it is an additional charge,

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but a lot of women do really get

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a lot of breakthrough in that.

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So if that is an option and you really just feel

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that is something that you will benefit from,

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know that that is there, okay?

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All right, well, I'm going to pray for us,

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and then we're going to jump into our topic today.

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It's going to be, some of you ladies,

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get ready for this one, all right?

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You ready?

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It's understanding entitlement and dating.

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Get ready.

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We're going to do the best to have fun with it, okay?

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This one was always one of those,

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I didn't enjoy this one.

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It's good, but I didn't enjoy it

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because it's one of those things where like,

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oh, I do that, oh, I do that too.

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But I will tell you, it's good, all right?

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We can have fun with it.

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We can just, hey, acknowledge it, own it,

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relate to it, all right?

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There's no shame, there's no guilt, no condemnation in it.

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We're just going to have fun with it, okay?

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All right, so let's pray.

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Heavenly Father, I just thank you

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for this time together, Lord.

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I thank you for all these women in this community,

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not just here in phase two,

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but all over last year's single, Lord.

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I thank you for Jackie and David and all the leaders.

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I thank you for Bethany, I thank you for Renee,

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I thank you for Annette and Andrea

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and just all the coaches, Cheryl, Reagan,

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all the people in this program

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that just literally do so much for your kingdom

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and for love and for kingdom marriages, Lord.

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I just, I thank you for that.

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I thank you for each and every single person

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in this community, Lord.

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We wouldn't have this community

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if there wasn't the people that had their yeses

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to take the invitation to step into this community

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and declare that, yes, this is their last year single,

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that their desire for marriage is your desire

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and they are just going to press into that.

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So, Lord, I just thank you for that acknowledgement

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that they are just declaring that their desire

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for marriage comes from you.

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And so, Lord, I just ask that this time together

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be one of laughter, of fun, reflection, tenderness,

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just openness to receive wisdom.

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Lord, let there be no shame and no guilt,

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but more of reflection and healing.

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Lord, uncover areas of our heart that needs healing,

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areas that you want to put light on and just comfort

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and just place your arms around

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to truly invite us in to that place of healing.

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of just peace and serenity of what you have for us,

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that we don't have to work against you,

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that we don't have to take control,

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that we are made in your image,

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that your gifts are good,

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what you want for us is good,

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that a husband is good,

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that you've created us for marriage and it is good,

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even if we've had experiences in our past

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that didn't feel good,

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it wasn't your design.

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So Lord, I just invite our time in this moment

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just to just accept your goodness

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and know that it's your will.

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Goodness is your will, Lord.

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And so I just ask that to be released

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over our time together, in Jesus' name, amen.

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All right, okay.

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So our goal today, right,

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for entitlement and dating

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is we're gonna recognize some patterns

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where entitlement kind of pops up in dating, okay?

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So where that can show up,

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what are some of these patterns

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that maybe we're operating in,

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that we know we're operating in,

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and maybe some things that we do

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that we don't realize is us operating in entitlement, okay?

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And understanding how oftentimes it's the past

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that's past hurts,

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that's actually fueling those expectations,

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those expectations of entitlement.

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So we're gonna understand how the past

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kind of ignites that entitlement and those expectations

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and why then it's important

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that we have this heart work

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and why that's the foundation,

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why God wants us healed, right?

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That's why his desire is for us to heal.

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That's why this program works.

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This heart healing really,

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I mean, when we really unlock and tap into that,

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whoo, we can start letting go of all of those wounds

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and all of those hurts

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and we don't have to come into a dating experience

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or a relationship where we're expecting things

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and we feel like we're entitled to it

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and we just have healthier relationships that way.

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So we're gonna recognize those patterns,

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we're gonna understand how some of it, a lot of it,

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most of it, probably all of it is tied to past hurts

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and then we're gonna learn how to shift

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from that entitlement into this empowerment

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to have healthy connection.

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So that's the goal of this teaching today, okay?

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So I always think it's important

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to kind of get on the same page of the definition

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like what is entitlement, all right?

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So if you were to just, in your own words, in the chat,

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what is entitlement to you?

300
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What does it mean to be entitled?

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Think on it for a minute and type it up.

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I'll give you some time.

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What does it mean to be entitled to you?

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Something that's due to you.

305
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This is what's right because I did X so they should do this.

306
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So I did X, they should do Z

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and that's the right thing to do.

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It's deserving.

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That's a good one.

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Everything is centered on you.

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That's a good perspective.

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I love how Nadine is pointing that out.

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Do you see how it's all self-focused?

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It's all about you.

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Love what it says, it's the world owes me everything

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that I want and you don't have to do anything.

317
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So making the assumption because it says

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making the assumption that others should meet

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the needs that were withheld from you

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in the past by parental figures.

321
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That's really specific, I love that.

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So you're seeking someone else to give you something

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that someone didn't give you in the past that you wanted

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And in some cases, you probably deserve that, actually.

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We all deserve parents that love us and care for us,

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and we deserve safety and shelter and love.

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And truth is, not everyone grows up receiving that.

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Some people were born into families

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where their parents had these wounds themselves

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that those parents were not capable

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of being able to give that to their children.

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And that's not the child's fault.

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And so then what happens is that child grows up,

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then it's a natural desire to wanna be loved

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and seen and cherished and protected and to feel safe.

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And so it's natural to wanna go out and seek those things.

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But do you see how we just assume and make assumptions

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that others need to meet that need?

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Like it's expected of them.

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So these are all really good.

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So I love that you all are on,

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like you guys are on that and I love,

343
00:21:22.020 --> 00:21:26.980
so is it Kalandra, did I pronounce that correctly?

344
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You can unmute and correct me.

345
00:21:31.420 --> 00:21:33.600
Kalandra, you got it, or Callie.

346
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You go by Callie?

347
00:21:37.380 --> 00:21:38.380
Yes.

348
00:21:38.380 --> 00:21:39.620
Callie, okay, got it.

349
00:21:46.620 --> 00:21:47.660
All right, I'm just making a note

350
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because y'all I'm phonetically challenged.

351
00:21:50.620 --> 00:21:54.180
I struggle with pronunciations of names.

352
00:21:54.180 --> 00:21:56.020
And I used to be a school teacher, it's really bad.

353
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And my son is actually struggles with dyslexia.

354
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And I'm like, ooh, I wonder if I kind of contributed

355
00:22:01.540 --> 00:22:04.620
to that because he struggles with phonics too.

356
00:22:06.060 --> 00:22:08.100
So yeah, so she actually brings up a good point.

357
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What's the difference between high standards

358
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and entitlement?

359
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So that's good.

360
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So we're gonna, hopefully by the end of this session

361
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and like spending some time this week,

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pressing to the Holy Spirit,

363
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Callie, I'm gonna really challenge you to press into that.

364
00:22:27.020 --> 00:22:29.100
That's one of those things that I think is,

365
00:22:29.100 --> 00:22:31.300
that's a really good question.

366
00:22:31.300 --> 00:22:36.180
And I would love to be able to give you a simple answer,

367
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but I think it's gonna, it's meatier than that.

368
00:22:38.540 --> 00:22:41.300
I think this is definitely more of an invitation

369
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where Holy Spirit wants to reveal something deeper.

370
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And so it's a really great question.

371
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So I'm praying and believing that God's gonna give you

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some nuggets in our teaching today

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to give you time to think about it.

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And that this week and hopefully with our activation

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that I'm gonna release over you ladies

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at the end of our call to do this week,

377
00:23:05.940 --> 00:23:10.940
which by the way, you ladies rocked the activation

378
00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:16.580
this week of activating your inner bride

379
00:23:16.580 --> 00:23:21.180
and going out and like getting dolled up

380
00:23:21.180 --> 00:23:25.100
and doing your nails and doing different hairstyles

381
00:23:25.100 --> 00:23:29.260
and trying on dresses and checking out wedding rings.

382
00:23:29.260 --> 00:23:34.260
Like ladies, like y'all I've been coaching in phase two

383
00:23:34.780 --> 00:23:39.780
for over two years and I just have to celebrate.

384
00:23:40.100 --> 00:23:45.100
This is the first time in an extremely long, long time

385
00:23:47.300 --> 00:23:50.900
where we had so much engagement with this activation.

386
00:23:52.380 --> 00:23:56.300
Like I got so much joy and excitement

387
00:23:57.580 --> 00:23:59.620
and I could hardly keep up in the app

388
00:23:59.620 --> 00:24:01.380
because I was like, oh my goodness,

389
00:24:01.380 --> 00:24:04.500
there is such a heavy engagement of people

390
00:24:04.500 --> 00:24:07.300
like participating in the app.

391
00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:11.420
And like I was so overjoyed.

392
00:24:11.420 --> 00:24:15.020
So ladies, like celebrate that.

393
00:24:15.020 --> 00:24:20.020
I am just so excited for this phase,

394
00:24:20.340 --> 00:24:22.460
this season that we're in

395
00:24:22.460 --> 00:24:25.020
and y'all just getting some tremendous breakthrough

396
00:24:25.020 --> 00:24:28.540
because something was activated

397
00:24:28.540 --> 00:24:33.540
and if you ladies can just continue to show up and engage,

398
00:24:33.660 --> 00:24:36.500
continue to show up and engage,

399
00:24:36.500 --> 00:24:39.980
like we're gonna see some really amazing things

400
00:24:39.980 --> 00:24:42.300
that God's gonna do in this community.

401
00:24:42.300 --> 00:24:46.580
And it starts because y'all choose your yes.

402
00:24:46.580 --> 00:24:49.660
You decide to show up and you decide to participate

403
00:24:51.180 --> 00:24:52.500
and then it gets fun.

404
00:24:53.540 --> 00:24:55.140
Then it becomes really, really fun.

405
00:24:55.140 --> 00:25:00.140
So like I said, congratulations, way to go on that.

406
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.640
it was so fun. Continue to keep those posts. And then I really want to encourage you to kind of

407
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:08.960
keep that momentum and I'm going to share that activation at the end of our call, okay? And

408
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:15.520
then myself or Ebony will post that as well to just remind you of what our activation. So,

409
00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:23.040
Callie, I think that's going to hopefully help you get some insight on that difference between

410
00:25:23.040 --> 00:25:28.960
what's a high standard and what's entitlement. I think that will really help. So, yeah,

411
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:34.000
you ladies are doing, that's really great. Like this whole idea of it's believing that

412
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:41.200
we deserve something just because we want it. That we have these expectations of outcomes,

413
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:48.000
responses, behaviors, and we're not honoring that the other person has free will.

414
00:25:50.080 --> 00:25:54.240
It's an expectation that we have out of somebody without their consent.

415
00:25:55.120 --> 00:26:03.520
Everybody has a free will. They have a choice. It's us thinking that because we deserve something

416
00:26:03.520 --> 00:26:09.840
or we're owed something or we didn't get something and we want it, that that person

417
00:26:09.840 --> 00:26:17.520
needs to give that to us. But they have a choice whether or not they do or not.

418
00:26:17.600 --> 00:26:21.760
So, that is a really great way of being able, you ladies came up with some really,

419
00:26:21.760 --> 00:26:26.800
really great definitions. So, that's really, really good. So, just keep that in mind

420
00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:37.200
of how that's going to show up when we're dating. So, this is where now I want to kind of go into,

421
00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:46.320
so your broken heart is what kind of leads us into this idea of what's entitlement.

422
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:55.360
Of what we're looking for when we're now dating, okay? So, like past hurt, disappointment,

423
00:26:55.360 --> 00:27:01.360
rejection. It's going to create these unconscious beliefs, these lies that are going to

424
00:27:01.360 --> 00:27:08.640
kind of start trickling in. So, we got hurt by someone. There's some pain. There's some

425
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:16.160
rejection that we felt. So, now we start looking at things through this lens of God owes me.

426
00:27:17.840 --> 00:27:21.200
Or maybe this man owes me, he owes me this.

427
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:33.440
So, for example, I'm going to give you some of my past hurts, all right? I'm going to get

428
00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:41.520
vulnerable with you ladies, all right? All right, and as I share, if you want to be vulnerable too

429
00:27:41.520 --> 00:27:52.160
and share yours in the chat, go right ahead, all right? One of the big ones that came up when I was

430
00:27:52.160 --> 00:28:09.920
doing heart work and in this program is this idea that men only wanted to date women that were

431
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:20.160
younger. And so, I needed to look younger and if I looked a certain way and if I was dating an older

432
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:30.320
guy, then he needed to acknowledge that he was with an attractive woman, an attractive younger

433
00:28:30.320 --> 00:28:40.880
woman. Because it was a privilege. It was a privilege to be with me. Like, I graced you by dating you because I was

434
00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:53.440
younger. Does that make sense? Because I had men in my past that left me for younger women.

435
00:28:54.320 --> 00:29:02.880
My son's father, to be exact. And then I was dating people in this program and right before I met my spirit mate,

436
00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:09.280
you know, one of the guys that actually, he was actually in this community and it was a guy that, you know, Jackie often

437
00:29:09.280 --> 00:29:16.160
encouraged, you know, to set me up with and he actually lived in my area. I was living in Sarasota, Florida at the time,

438
00:29:17.040 --> 00:29:24.240
which is not a place that typically has, like, 30, 40 somethings. And so, like, there was this, like, hot, attractive 30

439
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:31.120
something guy that was, you know, had been through heart work, that knew who Jackie was. And we went out on a date

440
00:29:31.120 --> 00:29:38.480
finally, like a year after him being in the, you know, the community and knowing Jackie and having been introduced to

441
00:29:38.480 --> 00:29:46.800
him, finally went out on a date with me. We had a really good time. And then I find out weeks later, he went on a ski

442
00:29:46.800 --> 00:29:59.360
trip, which I knew about. And he met somebody else and come to find out she was 12 years younger than me. It's like, you

443
00:29:59.360 --> 00:30:00.000
got to be kidding me.

444
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.840
You want to know what was really crazy about that? My son's dad, I was seven

445
00:30:07.840 --> 00:30:13.380
months pregnant when my son's dad decided to leave me, and he left me for

446
00:30:13.380 --> 00:30:23.720
someone who was 12 years younger than me. I was 32, she was 20, my son's dad was 30.

447
00:30:24.720 --> 00:30:32.520
So I was like, how is this happening again? I was like, you've got to be

448
00:30:32.520 --> 00:30:38.400
kidding me. So God was using that situation that I could have been bitter,

449
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:45.080
I could have been angry, I could have had this like negative like outlook on any

450
00:30:45.080 --> 00:30:53.120
guy that, one, wanted to date younger women or date women that looked younger,

451
00:30:53.120 --> 00:30:57.200
because that happened in this program too early on. There was a guy that was,

452
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:06.640
you know, he triggered me. There was this one gentleman, he reached out to me and I

453
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:12.160
was like, he was much older, and I wasn't really sure I wanted to date that much

454
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:19.680
older, and I didn't really come out and ask him how old he was. I just kind of

455
00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:26.840
assumed because I thought I heard him share how old he was, and so I was trying

456
00:31:26.840 --> 00:31:30.800
to politely let him know like, hey I'm flattered that you're, you know, wanting

457
00:31:30.800 --> 00:31:34.840
to get to know me. I just want to let you know like, I don't see this really going

458
00:31:34.840 --> 00:31:39.880
anywhere romantically. I just, I'm not really interested in dating someone

459
00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:48.920
significantly older than myself. Y'all, he got, I triggered him, and he just like,

460
00:31:48.920 --> 00:31:55.000
whoo, like he, like it was definitely a sore spot for him, and his sore spot then

461
00:31:55.000 --> 00:32:02.560
kind of activated my sore spot, because then he started like, you know, he never

462
00:32:02.560 --> 00:32:07.720
told me how old he was, but I later found out he actually was in fact the age that

463
00:32:07.720 --> 00:32:15.120
they thought he was, and which was, I think he was like at least a good eight

464
00:32:15.120 --> 00:32:22.280
years older than me at the time, and he started talking about how he had, well

465
00:32:22.280 --> 00:32:30.280
last week I went on a date with, you know, a 22 year old. Y'all, he was like over his

466
00:32:30.280 --> 00:32:42.840
mid-40s, and I was like, so I clearly got then hit, I triggered him, he, his trigger

467
00:32:42.840 --> 00:32:49.400
then triggered me, and it was just this like whole thing, so I really got like, I

468
00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:55.960
got how to sort out this whole age thing with me, okay, and it really just stemmed

469
00:32:56.080 --> 00:33:03.000
from this past trauma stuff of like my own hurt and my own insecurity about

470
00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:10.040
things, and so, you know, I could have stayed in that layer of hurt and

471
00:33:10.040 --> 00:33:16.760
bitterness and all of that, you know, I could have, I could have sat there, or

472
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:23.960
luckily what I did choose to do is I invited the Lord into that space and, and

473
00:33:23.960 --> 00:33:27.760
used my heartwork tools to kind of navigate me through what was I

474
00:33:27.760 --> 00:33:32.960
believing, what lie was I believing, and what was God's truth, like what did I

475
00:33:32.960 --> 00:33:40.800
choose to believe, and what did God actually tell me was true, and then lo

476
00:33:40.800 --> 00:33:46.960
and behold, I actually, my husband is actually younger than me. Who would have

477
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:52.560
thought? Here I thought I was gonna marry someone that was gonna be older because

478
00:33:52.960 --> 00:33:57.840
that was all, like I just figured I had to, I had to date older people because I

479
00:33:57.840 --> 00:34:03.720
was never going to meet someone that was gonna date someone older, or my age, if

480
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:09.239
you will, so now I'm married to my husband, and I always joke with him still,

481
00:34:10.040 --> 00:34:15.960
he might be younger, but I always tell him I still look younger. He's got a

482
00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:22.400
little more gray hair than I do, but so that's just kind of one of those things

483
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:26.159
that I, like, I really struggled with that. I struggled with my looks, I

484
00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:32.679
struggled with other people's looks, I struggled with, you know, if I took care

485
00:34:32.679 --> 00:34:37.120
of myself and I looked a certain way, then someone else needed to as well. Like

486
00:34:37.120 --> 00:34:42.639
that, I mean, I'm telling you, it was a really vain way of looking at dating.

487
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:46.120
Like, I didn't want to give certain people the time of day just by how they

488
00:34:46.120 --> 00:34:51.239
looked, and through this program and through this community, God really

489
00:34:51.320 --> 00:34:58.920
allowed me to kind of remove and put like, kind of put blinders on my eyes

490
00:34:58.920 --> 00:35:00.040
when I was dating and I

491
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.800
I kind of learned how to stop looking on the outer appearance of the guys I was dating,

492
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:10.580
but more look at the inner heart.

493
00:35:10.580 --> 00:35:20.640
And a lot of that truly came from my own hurt and insecurities about how I looked, my worth

494
00:35:20.640 --> 00:35:21.640
and my value.

495
00:35:21.640 --> 00:35:26.240
And again, that kind of keep going back to past hurts and experiences and rejections

496
00:35:27.160 --> 00:35:30.520
I wasn't the popular girl in high school.

497
00:35:30.520 --> 00:35:39.280
I was the dorky girl with glasses and I didn't blossom and fill out, like I didn't start

498
00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:46.600
my period until I was 14 years old, so I didn't really develop until I was much older.

499
00:35:46.600 --> 00:35:53.040
Most girls were doing that in 6th and 7th grade and I was like flat chested until I

500
00:35:53.040 --> 00:35:55.520
think probably like sophomore, junior year.

501
00:35:55.520 --> 00:36:01.760
And even then I wasn't really very, I was a board, like I was very, very skinny.

502
00:36:01.760 --> 00:36:06.880
Like it wasn't really till college that I started actually getting curves and boys didn't

503
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:14.200
boys weren't attracted to me, y'all like I didn't, I didn't even go to my senior prom.

504
00:36:14.200 --> 00:36:16.680
I didn't go to my senior prom.

505
00:36:16.680 --> 00:36:21.440
I went to my junior prom and y'all know how I went to my junior prom because one of my

506
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:26.600
girlfriends had to convince a kid from her church that went to a completely different

507
00:36:26.600 --> 00:36:34.960
school to go with me and then I actually had to pay for his ticket and all the things.

508
00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:39.320
I didn't think I was pretty.

509
00:36:39.320 --> 00:36:40.320
Guys didn't like me.

510
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:41.320
I wasn't pretty enough.

511
00:36:41.320 --> 00:36:43.680
I wasn't attractive enough.

512
00:36:43.680 --> 00:36:47.440
And so when I went to college, guess what happened?

513
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:52.480
Guys started to notice me, but guys started to notice me because I started getting curves

514
00:36:52.480 --> 00:37:02.400
and then I started to, you know, use my body and my sexuality to attract and receive love

515
00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:05.240
and it became very promiscuous.

516
00:37:05.240 --> 00:37:08.160
And so then that just was like, then I just use dating for sex.

517
00:37:08.160 --> 00:37:13.200
I mean, I'm being ladies, I'm being really vulnerable and raw here with you.

518
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:18.760
And so then I went into dating looking for sex and thought that's what that meant.

519
00:37:18.760 --> 00:37:25.440
And so the only way to attract a man and keep a man was through sex.

520
00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:28.220
And then that didn't work.

521
00:37:28.220 --> 00:37:32.200
And then I thought, no, I'm not going to do that.

522
00:37:32.200 --> 00:37:34.400
I'm not going to have sex with anybody.

523
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:44.280
And then I thought I met a guy that was all about having family and marriage and all that.

524
00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:48.600
And I gave it up very quickly and I got pregnant before marriage.

525
00:37:48.600 --> 00:37:52.840
And then he left me for a younger woman.

526
00:37:52.840 --> 00:37:59.360
So you see how a lot of those things, those traumas, those hurts, those rejections can

527
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:12.920
build calluses over our hearts and our views of how we look at dating and how it can shape

528
00:38:12.920 --> 00:38:19.720
how we enter into a dating experience.

529
00:38:19.720 --> 00:38:26.320
That's how it's very easy to get in that trap.

530
00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:29.480
But ladies, you have heart work.

531
00:38:29.480 --> 00:38:32.680
You have this community, you have this program.

532
00:38:32.680 --> 00:38:36.240
And so that's what we're here to teach you.

533
00:38:36.240 --> 00:38:45.000
This is a time of reflection, of being able to say, okay, what pain do I have from my

534
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:56.360
past that might lead me into this entitlement when I go into dating?

535
00:38:56.360 --> 00:39:00.600
And how do I, like, what does that look like?

536
00:39:00.600 --> 00:39:04.240
If I partner with that, what would that look like?

537
00:39:04.240 --> 00:39:05.240
Okay.

538
00:39:05.240 --> 00:39:10.720
It's important that we reframe our thinking of, I'm different now.

539
00:39:10.720 --> 00:39:19.000
I have heart work and I can continue to heal and approach new connections with openness

540
00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:23.960
instead of unhealthy expectations.

541
00:39:23.960 --> 00:39:30.600
Let me repeat that.

542
00:39:30.600 --> 00:39:32.720
See some people writing.

543
00:39:32.720 --> 00:39:35.280
I'm different now.

544
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:44.240
I can continue to heal and approach new connections with openness instead of unhealthy expectations.

545
00:39:44.240 --> 00:39:47.360
Okay.

546
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:53.400
So ways that we might partner with entitlement and dating, this might be a common way that

547
00:39:53.400 --> 00:39:54.400
it can show up.

548
00:39:54.400 --> 00:40:00.000
So I gave you some examples in my life, like how that.

549
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.600
you know, showed you some of my past hurts and kind of what some of my patterns were

550
00:40:04.600 --> 00:40:07.600
and like how that showed up.

551
00:40:07.600 --> 00:40:10.640
Okay, so now we're going to kind of get a little bit more into that.

552
00:40:10.640 --> 00:40:18.880
So some other common ways that this might show up, okay, so that I want you to be thinking,

553
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:23.040
have you done this recently in your dating?

554
00:40:23.040 --> 00:40:27.200
Or maybe if you're not dating yet, have you done this in your past?

555
00:40:27.200 --> 00:40:31.440
Okay, because I know some of you ladies might not be into dating yet, which is totally

556
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:32.440
fine.

557
00:40:32.440 --> 00:40:37.520
Okay, but if you're not, I want you to be thinking about past, have you done this?

558
00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:42.000
If you are currently dating, now that you've gotten some heartwork, I want you to ask yourself,

559
00:40:42.000 --> 00:40:45.240
have you shown up in any of these ways?

560
00:40:45.240 --> 00:40:49.400
So are you expecting reciprocal interest?

561
00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:50.400
Like it's expected.

562
00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:57.060
Okay, now we teach like you want that reciprocal, like we want you to be reciprocating interest,

563
00:40:57.060 --> 00:40:59.580
but are you expecting it?

564
00:40:59.580 --> 00:41:05.960
So for example, well, I like him, so he should like me back.

565
00:41:05.960 --> 00:41:12.780
I shared my feelings, so why is he not sharing his back with me?

566
00:41:12.780 --> 00:41:18.460
I shared my answer to this question, so he owes me a response now.

567
00:41:18.460 --> 00:41:21.780
You see what I'm saying?

568
00:41:21.780 --> 00:41:27.060
Like I texted him, he needs to text me back.

569
00:41:27.060 --> 00:41:39.060
I texted him immediately, and then now I send a text and he didn't immediately text me back.

570
00:41:39.060 --> 00:41:43.980
Another one is like time investment entitlement.

571
00:41:43.980 --> 00:41:47.980
We've been on three dates.

572
00:41:47.980 --> 00:41:53.780
We've been chatting for two months.

573
00:41:53.780 --> 00:41:57.580
He should commit already.

574
00:41:57.580 --> 00:42:06.860
He should be the one to prompt a date, the next date.

575
00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:14.660
He should be like, why didn't he plan the next day?

576
00:42:14.660 --> 00:42:17.780
He should know by now, right?

577
00:42:17.780 --> 00:42:24.900
He should, you know, he should by now invite me to meet his family.

578
00:42:24.900 --> 00:42:26.820
I let him meet my family.

579
00:42:26.820 --> 00:42:30.340
I invested my time.

580
00:42:30.340 --> 00:42:33.660
He needs to meet my family.

581
00:42:33.660 --> 00:42:39.580
Now some of you, y'all are like, he's introducing me to his family, and I don't want to introduce

582
00:42:39.580 --> 00:42:41.660
him to mine.

583
00:42:41.660 --> 00:42:42.660
That happens too.

584
00:42:42.660 --> 00:42:45.060
I'm just giving you some examples.

585
00:42:45.060 --> 00:42:47.620
I'm not saying that these are the only way that they show up.

586
00:42:47.620 --> 00:42:50.980
Okay, so some of you are like, well, no, that doesn't happen to me because I don't, you

587
00:42:50.980 --> 00:42:53.380
know, I'm just giving you some examples.

588
00:42:53.380 --> 00:42:54.380
Okay.

589
00:42:54.380 --> 00:43:01.860
So just thinking like, how am I, if I've spent this much time into something, then they need

590
00:43:01.860 --> 00:43:05.340
to reciprocate that same amount of time.

591
00:43:05.340 --> 00:43:06.340
Okay.

592
00:43:06.340 --> 00:43:13.740
We've been dating for such and such time, so then this needs to be expected.

593
00:43:13.740 --> 00:43:17.660
You know, for example, let's think about it this way.

594
00:43:17.660 --> 00:43:21.260
Let's spin it a little bit.

595
00:43:21.260 --> 00:43:26.900
How many of you like it when guys think, well, I've taken her out on three dates.

596
00:43:26.900 --> 00:43:33.500
She should want to make out with me now.

597
00:43:33.500 --> 00:43:41.620
How many of you experienced the men feeling entitled that they get to get something in

598
00:43:41.620 --> 00:43:48.220
return because they've taken you out on so many dates?

599
00:43:48.220 --> 00:43:52.220
We don't like it when men do it to us, right?

600
00:43:52.220 --> 00:43:53.220
Guess what, ladies?

601
00:43:53.220 --> 00:43:57.060
We do it to the men too.

602
00:43:57.060 --> 00:43:58.800
Ours just looks different.

603
00:43:58.800 --> 00:44:01.300
Ours looks more like a little pretty bow.

604
00:44:01.300 --> 00:44:03.700
All right.

605
00:44:03.700 --> 00:44:11.580
Ours probably doesn't feel as pressured and inappropriate, right?

606
00:44:11.580 --> 00:44:17.820
We're not trying to get in the men's pants the way the men are trying to get in ours,

607
00:44:17.820 --> 00:44:18.820
right?

608
00:44:18.820 --> 00:44:23.420
Because that's typically been a lot of people's experience, right?

609
00:44:23.420 --> 00:44:29.740
I get that a lot of times when we're like, men are just always wanting sex.

610
00:44:29.740 --> 00:44:31.500
Truth is, guess what?

611
00:44:31.500 --> 00:44:32.500
Women do too.

612
00:44:32.500 --> 00:44:40.660
There's a lot of women out there in the dating world that are similar.

613
00:44:40.660 --> 00:44:42.220
Let me tell you something, ladies.

614
00:44:42.220 --> 00:44:51.180
These men wouldn't behave that way if there weren't women out there doing it.

615
00:44:51.180 --> 00:44:56.460
That's why I encourage you ladies in not having sex before marriage.

616
00:44:56.460 --> 00:44:59.420
These men show up like that because us women have given it to them.

617
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.480
myself included. I will own that and I'm not saying I'm not I'm not gonna say it

618
00:45:08.480 --> 00:45:13.240
out of shame and guilt. I own it because it was a broken place that I was in. I

619
00:45:13.240 --> 00:45:22.480
was not healed and I have forgiven myself for it. So that if that's you, no

620
00:45:22.480 --> 00:45:29.920
you're not being shamed for it. I'm right there with you because I was you too.

621
00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:42.440
But that's why, which I wasn't even gonna teach on this today, but I know a

622
00:45:42.440 --> 00:45:47.800
lot of ladies struggle with this not kissing before you're exclusive. You know

623
00:45:47.800 --> 00:45:54.920
not just the not having sex before marriage all right. Most of us typically

624
00:45:54.920 --> 00:45:58.520
are all bore for that. Believe it or not most of the women that come in this

625
00:45:58.520 --> 00:46:02.400
community are like yes we are looking for a man that doesn't want to have sex

626
00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:08.280
before marriage okay. And then we get into a engagement or a marriage minor

627
00:46:08.280 --> 00:46:11.880
relationship it gets a little harder. It's a little harder to have that

628
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:15.520
mind frame but we're you know most of the women I do feel that coming in here

629
00:46:15.520 --> 00:46:18.920
most women are in alignment of that and that's what they're looking for. Now

630
00:46:18.920 --> 00:46:24.120
where I get a little pushback is women like you mean I'm not allowed to kiss a

631
00:46:24.120 --> 00:46:29.120
man unless I'm exclusive with him and like it's not a rule but it's a guard

632
00:46:29.120 --> 00:46:41.480
rail. Y'all I was a kissing bandit. I loved kissing but again we put those in

633
00:46:41.480 --> 00:46:49.280
place for a reason okay.

634
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:55.200
There's a whole reason for that okay. So I'm not gonna go into too much detail

635
00:46:55.200 --> 00:47:00.160
with that but hopefully you kind of kind of understand it like I'm hoping this

636
00:47:00.160 --> 00:47:04.000
will give you that flip side of like okay we don't like it when men do it to

637
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:07.040
us so it's being able to reflect and be like oh there might be times that I do

638
00:47:07.040 --> 00:47:12.920
that and again this is not to put shame on us it's just to be a reflective and

639
00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:22.880
like how am I showing up? Am I showing up healthy? Am I showing up out of fear

640
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:32.720
and hurt and trauma or am I showing up in the identity that I am in Christ? Okay

641
00:47:32.720 --> 00:47:41.000
what you believe you become what you become you attract you know you want to

642
00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:46.520
attract a healthy relationship we want to be healthy. That doesn't mean you have

643
00:47:46.520 --> 00:47:52.000
to be fully healed and healthy in order to be in a healthy relationship and

644
00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:59.280
attract a healthy person. Do not hear what I'm not saying okay. Y'all I've been

645
00:47:59.280 --> 00:48:05.760
married for two years and I have flaws so does my husband. There are some areas

646
00:48:05.840 --> 00:48:11.160
in our relationship that we need healing and we have to work through. That's why

647
00:48:11.160 --> 00:48:18.480
we're like that's why our marriage is it works. That's why God brought us together

648
00:48:18.480 --> 00:48:24.640
because we get to help each other refine each other that iron sharpens iron. You

649
00:48:24.640 --> 00:48:28.880
know he helps me grow in areas that I'm weak and I help him grow in areas that

650
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:37.960
he's weak. Okay so it's not about perfection but I do like to think it's

651
00:48:37.960 --> 00:48:44.480
about just reflecting. Are we open to being teachable and that's why you'll

652
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:49.040
hear us a lot teach you ladies and you'll hear Jackie you want a man with a

653
00:48:49.040 --> 00:48:53.560
teachable heart. He doesn't have to be perfect he doesn't have to be fully

654
00:48:53.640 --> 00:48:58.920
healed. Does he have a teachable heart? That doesn't mean you go and mother him

655
00:48:58.920 --> 00:49:05.160
it doesn't mean that you go and be his teacher and his fixer. God and Jesus

656
00:49:05.160 --> 00:49:10.600
are the ones that do that. We just come along and partner and help walk through

657
00:49:10.600 --> 00:49:16.120
that process when it's appropriate in the season of the relationship that

658
00:49:16.120 --> 00:49:20.840
you're in. Some of you ladies want to go into that mode and you're only in level

659
00:49:20.840 --> 00:49:26.760
one or two like you barely know him he's a stranger and you're wanting to

660
00:49:26.760 --> 00:49:30.960
go in and he's got to do this and he's he's wounded and he's not healed and

661
00:49:30.960 --> 00:49:36.200
he's not healthy and you know he's not over his his divorce and he's ladies

662
00:49:36.200 --> 00:49:42.800
it's not for you to figure that out. It's not. Don't worry about them not

663
00:49:42.800 --> 00:49:50.200
being healed from their divorces and their past traumas. You just want to need

664
00:49:50.200 --> 00:49:58.480
to focus on am I showing up healed from my stuff? What is God trying to pull out

665
00:49:58.480 --> 00:50:01.080
of me?

666
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.220
and heal in me that's what I need to look at okay and I think we're gonna go

667
00:50:08.220 --> 00:50:11.180
in that here and just a little bit more I'll go into that some more but I do

668
00:50:11.180 --> 00:50:14.200
want to kind of get through because I do want to open it up for a breakout

669
00:50:14.200 --> 00:50:19.500
session and be able to take questions from you ladies so another common way

670
00:50:19.500 --> 00:50:25.320
that entitlement shows up in dating is emotional labor expectations expecting

671
00:50:25.320 --> 00:50:28.820
someone to heal or grow at your pace so that kind of just goes with what I was

672
00:50:28.820 --> 00:50:33.500
sharing you all been through heart work so now you kind of expect someone else

673
00:50:33.500 --> 00:50:37.820
to be on the same level of healing that you have ladies not everybody has a

674
00:50:37.820 --> 00:50:43.540
Jackie not everybody has a Carla and an Ebony not everybody has a Bethany not

675
00:50:43.540 --> 00:50:47.660
everybody has this program and then I know a lot of ladies are like oh well

676
00:50:47.660 --> 00:50:52.500
get me into phase three I want to meet the men that have heart work ladies just

677
00:50:52.500 --> 00:50:57.060
because we have men in this community

678
00:50:57.180 --> 00:51:01.740
they may have been introduced to heart work doesn't mean that they have walked

679
00:51:01.740 --> 00:51:09.580
through their own heart work to the level that God has invited them to I

680
00:51:09.580 --> 00:51:14.660
know some of y'all will be on these calls or you see the post and you're

681
00:51:14.660 --> 00:51:20.280
like that that girl hasn't really done her heart work let's be real I did that

682
00:51:20.640 --> 00:51:25.200
with some of the ladies in my community I'm like they're dating and she's not

683
00:51:25.200 --> 00:51:32.600
really doing her heart work how is she getting dates y'all did that I'm not

684
00:51:32.600 --> 00:51:37.440
perfect I had sometimes I got little like negative and bitter and down and

685
00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:45.160
you know I you know was through a little pity party for myself all right so just

686
00:51:45.160 --> 00:51:49.440
like there's women in our community and even myself there was just some areas I

687
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:53.840
was like I'm not doing that heart work yet on that area I don't need that you

688
00:51:53.840 --> 00:52:00.720
know yeah and just like us and some women in here guess what the men just

689
00:52:00.720 --> 00:52:05.320
because they're in our community doesn't mean that they fully and it doesn't mean

690
00:52:05.320 --> 00:52:08.080
that they're not men that are not in heart work that haven't done their heart

691
00:52:08.080 --> 00:52:12.200
work my husband was not in heart work but my husband went through a lot of

692
00:52:12.200 --> 00:52:18.080
therapy and a lot of counseling to heal from his traumatic marriage with a woman

693
00:52:18.080 --> 00:52:24.840
that one passed from cancer but he was in a 11 year marriage with someone who

694
00:52:24.840 --> 00:52:32.440
was a borderline had borderline personality disorder yeah Wow is right

695
00:52:32.440 --> 00:52:39.880
Karen I'm just learning a lot about that okay it's I'm like whoa you and I'm like

696
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:47.280
I have to be like you went through what and I have to give a lot of grace to my

697
00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:50.880
husband because there's some things that he does that make me so like I'm

698
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:58.160
like what like why and then God reminds me he's like he's responding out of his

699
00:52:58.160 --> 00:53:04.600
trauma because he was in a marriage where this was the norm for him for 11

700
00:53:04.600 --> 00:53:11.520
years Carla this is nothing to do with you this is a trauma response in him and

701
00:53:12.080 --> 00:53:17.920
I have to have a lot of grace for that and I can't go fix that God has to go

702
00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:31.560
fix that with my husband so I mean that alone okay and he loved I mean he loved

703
00:53:31.560 --> 00:53:38.640
her through all of that and she I mean she has two beautiful children that I

704
00:53:38.640 --> 00:53:50.720
get to parent now and I and and I you know I I have to love and parent my

705
00:53:50.720 --> 00:53:54.480
children who are learning you know things about their mother that they

706
00:53:54.480 --> 00:54:02.760
might have not known about but remind them like she's a wonderful person she

707
00:54:02.760 --> 00:54:07.200
might not have really known like certain things and there might have been she had

708
00:54:07.200 --> 00:54:14.160
a trauma she was responding out of trauma and teaching my kids and my

709
00:54:14.160 --> 00:54:20.560
husband to have compassion for her

710
00:54:21.120 --> 00:54:30.080
you see how it's all just intertwined like it really like again this going

711
00:54:30.080 --> 00:54:35.840
back to just because they have not had heart work doesn't mean that they

712
00:54:35.840 --> 00:54:44.120
haven't had healing themselves all right bye Nadine good to see you we'll

713
00:54:44.120 --> 00:54:47.840
have this in replay so you get to watch the last like half hour 45 minutes I'm

714
00:54:47.840 --> 00:54:54.920
in replay so catch that so yeah keep that in mind you know healing again it's

715
00:54:54.920 --> 00:55:01.640
not your it's not your place to decide

716
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.960
the pace of someone's healing. You're not even going to be able to determine

717
00:55:06.960 --> 00:55:10.280
your husband's healing. Because your husband's going to have some healing, you're

718
00:55:10.280 --> 00:55:15.840
going to have your own. You're not in charge of it, okay? So just because you've

719
00:55:15.840 --> 00:55:20.000
done the hard work doesn't mean that others have or have had the support to

720
00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:27.360
do that. Communication style demands. This is another one with entitlement. You know,

721
00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:33.040
he should know how to communicate better. If he cared, he'd text me more or text me

722
00:55:33.040 --> 00:55:39.680
differently. Y'all, fun fact, me and my husband have two completely different

723
00:55:39.680 --> 00:55:48.000
communication styles. Totally different. Just last night we were doing a part

724
00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:57.680
work for couples with Jackie and David and a few other couples. Holy moly, we

725
00:55:57.680 --> 00:56:04.360
were talking after our session and I was like, oh, we're not communicating the

726
00:56:04.360 --> 00:56:12.760
same. And he got kind of like, and I was like, and I wanted so much to like get

727
00:56:12.760 --> 00:56:17.560
him to understand me and like, you know, and I'm like, we're just not

728
00:56:17.600 --> 00:56:21.400
communicating. And I was able to release it. And I was like, this is not, I don't

729
00:56:21.400 --> 00:56:27.520
need to, I don't need to force this. He's communicating differently than I am. And

730
00:56:27.520 --> 00:56:32.920
I'm not sure how to communicate right now. So I'm just going to let this sit

731
00:56:32.920 --> 00:56:40.200
and spend some time in prayer. And otherwise it would have just been this

732
00:56:40.200 --> 00:56:44.880
massive fight. And so we're just, I mean, communication styles, believe it or not,

733
00:56:44.880 --> 00:56:51.520
men and women communicate differently. Okay. So in dating, a guy might

734
00:56:51.520 --> 00:56:56.560
communicate differently than you. Don't draw these assumptions because they

735
00:56:56.560 --> 00:57:02.320
don't communicate the same way that you do. That it, it says something about them

736
00:57:02.320 --> 00:57:07.800
or it says something about how they feel about you. Does that make sense? Okay.

737
00:57:07.800 --> 00:57:14.600
Relationship timeline expectations, believing there's a right pace and other

738
00:57:14.760 --> 00:57:20.000
should match yours. So again, that kind of goes back to, well, we've been, you know,

739
00:57:20.040 --> 00:57:24.720
I get the question all the time, like, you know, how many dates do I need to be

740
00:57:24.720 --> 00:57:29.840
on before we go exclusive? Well, there's no answer to that. It's going to look

741
00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:35.160
differently for everybody. Okay. Just to, it depends on the two people and the

742
00:57:35.160 --> 00:57:40.320
comfort of the two people and where both people are at and communicating and

743
00:57:40.320 --> 00:57:45.480
being open and honest with each other of what that looks like. Okay. And that's

744
00:57:45.480 --> 00:57:49.480
why we're here coaching you through that. Okay. We'll ask you questions and we'll

745
00:57:49.480 --> 00:57:56.600
kind of help navigate that. And then past hurt compensation is another common way

746
00:57:56.600 --> 00:58:00.760
that entitlement shows up in dating. So it's basically what that means is

747
00:58:00.800 --> 00:58:08.680
expecting someone to repair your old wounds. Like if you have old wounds from

748
00:58:08.680 --> 00:58:14.040
your parents, expecting someone to come and repair those. Me expecting my

749
00:58:14.040 --> 00:58:21.080
husband to come and repair wounds from my son's father. Like fun fact, I wanted

750
00:58:21.080 --> 00:58:27.560
to have another baby again. I didn't actually date guys that couldn't have

751
00:58:27.560 --> 00:58:35.240
babies. Met my husband, discovered he had a vasectomy, really had to go to the

752
00:58:35.240 --> 00:58:39.920
Lord with that one. Cause I thought that was a non-negotiable. And I was like,

753
00:58:39.960 --> 00:58:43.800
cause God was like, I knew God told me I was going to have more kids. I'm like,

754
00:58:43.800 --> 00:58:46.400
but God, you told me I was going to have more kids. Are you like, I don't like,

755
00:58:46.720 --> 00:58:49.840
do I have to release this guy? I'm like, I really like this. There's just feels

756
00:58:49.840 --> 00:58:53.720
like something I need to continue with this guy. Like something, something's on

757
00:58:53.720 --> 00:58:58.240
this. And I'm like, but Lord, I don't want to, I don't want to go down heartbreak

758
00:58:58.240 --> 00:59:02.040
again. I'm just, I can't go through heartbreak again. And I'm like, and he

759
00:59:02.040 --> 00:59:08.200
can't have kids, you know? And luckily the Lord was like, Carla, I said, you

760
00:59:08.200 --> 00:59:12.200
were going to have more kids. I didn't say you were going to birth them. And I

761
00:59:12.200 --> 00:59:18.600
was like, what? I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. And so that again, that was

762
00:59:18.600 --> 00:59:23.560
a non-negotiable that I released that I thought I was going to birth my own,

763
00:59:23.920 --> 00:59:28.400
another child. But my husband was like, he asked me, I mean, he was point blank.

764
00:59:28.400 --> 00:59:35.960
He's like, is you wanting another child? Is that going to cause resentment in

765
00:59:35.960 --> 00:59:38.880
you? Because that is not, he's like, cause that's not something that I'm going

766
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:44.920
to give you. My husband was, my husband told me what, my husband was honest with

767
00:59:44.920 --> 00:59:47.880
me and he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. And that was one of the things

768
00:59:47.880 --> 00:59:52.480
that I fell in love with him. I was like, wow, this is a man that literally isn't

769
00:59:52.480 --> 00:59:58.120
just speaking, whispering, you know, sweet nothings to me in my ear. He's

770
00:59:58.120 --> 01:00:00.040
willing to be raw, real.

771
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.160
vulnerable with me, say things that might hurt my feelings, but be completely

772
01:00:05.160 --> 01:00:11.840
honest with me. And when he said that to me, he's like, it dawned on me that I'm

773
01:00:11.840 --> 01:00:17.760
like, you're right. And so when God was like, I told you you're gonna have more

774
01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:23.960
kids and so you're gonna birth them, God was like, you're just wanting this man to

775
01:00:24.440 --> 01:00:30.260
fulfill and replace things that you feel like you didn't get to have in your

776
01:00:30.260 --> 01:00:35.440
pregnancy. You had all these expectations and pregnancy and all these things that

777
01:00:35.440 --> 01:00:38.520
you feel like you wanted to do, you wanted to do the gender reveal, and you

778
01:00:38.520 --> 01:00:43.080
wanted to have the support of a husband through your pregnancy, and you didn't

779
01:00:43.080 --> 01:00:48.160
get that. And so you're just wanting another baby because you wanted to

780
01:00:48.160 --> 01:00:54.460
fulfill what you wanted. And that's not what I'm bringing you, because I have

781
01:00:54.460 --> 01:00:57.560
something bigger for you. Because it's not about those things. It's about

782
01:00:57.560 --> 01:01:00.920
something deeper. It's about the relationship. It's about the intimacy.

783
01:01:00.920 --> 01:01:09.360
It's about something bigger. And I was like, oh, but y'all, like, it was timing.

784
01:01:09.360 --> 01:01:16.560
I had to truly be in the position and the surrendered position to really

785
01:01:16.560 --> 01:01:26.520
receive God sharing that with me and being open to hear that. If God shared

786
01:01:26.520 --> 01:01:32.120
that with me early, I would have rejected it. It wouldn't have been what I wanted

787
01:01:32.120 --> 01:01:35.880
to hear, because I wouldn't have been able to receive it. I wasn't in the right

788
01:01:35.880 --> 01:01:44.760
mind frame. I guess I'm just saying that to be easy on yourself, be kind to

789
01:01:44.760 --> 01:01:52.680
yourself, be gracious to yourself, be gracious to God in God's time. I feel

790
01:01:52.680 --> 01:01:55.840
like we're getting so much more teaching than just this entitlement stuff, but I

791
01:01:55.840 --> 01:01:59.040
want to stay on task because we're running out of time. All right, so now how

792
01:01:59.040 --> 01:02:04.560
do we shift out of entitlement into empowerment? Just being able to recognize

793
01:02:04.560 --> 01:02:12.760
the pattern. Notice when you're thinking, he should or I deserve. So

794
01:02:12.760 --> 01:02:17.200
when you notice the he shoulds or I deserve thoughts as red flags, just again,

795
01:02:17.200 --> 01:02:20.960
you're saying, oh, well, that's a flag. I don't even say red flags. I don't want to

796
01:02:20.960 --> 01:02:24.600
say it. Just say it's a flag. It's a warning sign. It's a yellow flag to

797
01:02:24.600 --> 01:02:31.120
indicate to yourself to look into that. Okay, when I say red flag, I feel like

798
01:02:31.120 --> 01:02:38.720
that kind of has an alert on it to, like, bolt. I don't want you ladies to think

799
01:02:38.720 --> 01:02:42.400
that. I really want you to, like, sit with it and reflect on it. Okay, you've

800
01:02:42.400 --> 01:02:48.440
done nothing wrong. It's just a moment of being able to reflect. Separate

801
01:02:48.440 --> 01:02:54.440
investment from outcomes. Okay, so your time, your energy, and your feelings are

802
01:02:54.440 --> 01:03:02.240
gifts. They're not invoices. I hear from women all the time in this community, I

803
01:03:02.240 --> 01:03:09.680
don't want to waste my time, but ladies, you cannot look at your time as an

804
01:03:09.680 --> 01:03:16.320
invoice. It's a gift. Bless people with your time without needing something in

805
01:03:16.320 --> 01:03:25.160
return. That one's gonna be a hard one. That's a hard one. I know that's a hard

806
01:03:25.160 --> 01:03:32.720
one because, like I said, a lot of women really, really do oftentimes in our

807
01:03:32.720 --> 01:03:40.200
community, I get this question probably more frequently than not, I don't want

808
01:03:40.200 --> 01:03:45.480
to waste my time. I don't want to waste my time because we, the reality is, we

809
01:03:45.480 --> 01:03:49.720
all have a clock. Whether it's a biological clock because we want

810
01:03:49.720 --> 01:03:59.680
children or we have, we only have so much time on this earth. That's reality. So I

811
01:03:59.680 --> 01:04:05.400
want you to sit with that one because what God is really sharing with me right

812
01:04:05.400 --> 01:04:15.400
now, a lot of that's rooted in fear. The fear that we're not going to get to

813
01:04:15.400 --> 01:04:23.400
enjoy all the things that God has for us. Like that scarcity, poverty mindset. So

814
01:04:23.400 --> 01:04:28.160
I want you to sit with that one, okay? I know that one, I know that one challenges

815
01:04:28.160 --> 01:04:36.080
a lot of you. I know that. And yes, giving too much to people in the past because

816
01:04:36.080 --> 01:04:44.320
they take an advantage of you. Yes. So again, this is about balance, okay? This

817
01:04:44.320 --> 01:04:54.000
is about knowing, okay? When are you overextending your gift, okay? That's

818
01:04:54.000 --> 01:04:59.920
important. So I always want to preface like, ladies, when we teach these things, yes, there's

819
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.500
It's always gonna be that contradiction

820
01:05:01.500 --> 01:05:05.040
because there's balance in all the things that we teach.

821
01:05:05.040 --> 01:05:05.880
Okay?

822
01:05:05.880 --> 01:05:08.560
So I love, Karen, that you brought that up.

823
01:05:08.560 --> 01:05:13.280
Because, yes, your time is a gift.

824
01:05:13.280 --> 01:05:15.280
It's not an invoice,

825
01:05:15.280 --> 01:05:17.600
but you also don't want to extend that gift

826
01:05:17.600 --> 01:05:21.040
to where boundaries are good, too,

827
01:05:21.040 --> 01:05:22.360
which we teach on, I think,

828
01:05:22.360 --> 01:05:25.280
boundaries might be the next week or the week after.

829
01:05:25.280 --> 01:05:27.760
So it's all being able to take all the stuff

830
01:05:27.760 --> 01:05:30.160
and being able to kind of balance it all together.

831
01:05:31.520 --> 01:05:33.360
Reframed dating is another way

832
01:05:33.360 --> 01:05:36.280
that we kind of shift out of entitlement to empowerment,

833
01:05:36.280 --> 01:05:38.240
is dating is an opportunity for growth.

834
01:05:38.240 --> 01:05:40.200
And this is what you're gonna hear me say all the time.

835
01:05:40.200 --> 01:05:41.680
Many of you ladies that have been in here

836
01:05:41.680 --> 01:05:45.500
for a few weeks now know that I say this all the time.

837
01:05:46.400 --> 01:05:49.040
Dating is the opportunity for growth.

838
01:05:49.040 --> 01:05:54.040
If you look at every good, bad, ugly dating situation,

839
01:05:55.560 --> 01:05:57.040
God can use it for growth.

840
01:05:58.680 --> 01:06:02.080
You're not owed anything, but God is gonna use everything.

841
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:06.440
I can't tell you how many nasty, ugly dates

842
01:06:06.440 --> 01:06:11.040
I was on in this program that I was like, God still used.

843
01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:13.000
And I was able to reframe it like,

844
01:06:14.680 --> 01:06:17.480
that guy was a real, you know what?

845
01:06:18.400 --> 01:06:19.720
And you know what?

846
01:06:19.720 --> 01:06:21.720
God's shown me that in the past,

847
01:06:21.720 --> 01:06:26.720
I would have kept giving that guy my time and day.

848
01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:28.520
And you know what?

849
01:06:28.520 --> 01:06:30.520
I'm not, I don't want to.

850
01:06:30.520 --> 01:06:31.800
That's huge for me.

851
01:06:31.800 --> 01:06:33.240
I'm gonna celebrate it.

852
01:06:33.240 --> 01:06:34.080
And I did.

853
01:06:34.080 --> 01:06:35.880
And I would use that as like a growth opportunity.

854
01:06:35.880 --> 01:06:37.320
And I would go in the community and be like,

855
01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:39.420
ladies, guess what happened?

856
01:06:39.420 --> 01:06:43.040
This guy was a real, you know what?

857
01:06:44.780 --> 01:06:45.960
And you know what?

858
01:06:46.960 --> 01:06:49.080
I'm not attracted to that anymore.

859
01:06:51.660 --> 01:06:52.720
How cool is that?

860
01:06:52.720 --> 01:06:54.280
Like, I'm telling you,

861
01:06:54.280 --> 01:06:56.640
we could sit there and just sit there and complain

862
01:06:57.480 --> 01:06:58.320
and be like, oh my gosh,

863
01:06:58.320 --> 01:06:59.960
this is the only kind of men that are out there.

864
01:06:59.960 --> 01:07:01.200
Men suck.

865
01:07:01.200 --> 01:07:02.200
I hate men.

866
01:07:02.200 --> 01:07:04.520
This dating thing is, trust me.

867
01:07:06.040 --> 01:07:08.080
There's a lot of women that will do that.

868
01:07:09.800 --> 01:07:13.260
I've been in this group for five years as a single.

869
01:07:13.260 --> 01:07:16.840
And then now as a coach, there's a lot of that will happen.

870
01:07:18.200 --> 01:07:21.140
But if you reframe it and you're like, oh my gosh,

871
01:07:22.120 --> 01:07:23.520
you don't have to look at it like that.

872
01:07:23.520 --> 01:07:25.520
Just be like, I can see it now

873
01:07:25.520 --> 01:07:27.840
and I'm not attracted to that.

874
01:07:27.840 --> 01:07:31.440
And that doesn't mean that every man out there is like that.

875
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:34.540
So reframe, reframe your dating outlook.

876
01:07:34.540 --> 01:07:36.040
Focus on what you can control,

877
01:07:36.040 --> 01:07:39.560
which is boundaries, choices, and responses.

878
01:07:39.560 --> 01:07:42.420
You get to choose how you respond to people.

879
01:07:42.420 --> 01:07:44.120
You do, you have a choice in that.

880
01:07:45.440 --> 01:07:49.840
Practice curious detachment instead of wondering,

881
01:07:50.680 --> 01:07:54.320
like I wonder what's happening for him

882
01:07:54.320 --> 01:07:57.120
instead of say, why isn't he doing what I want?

883
01:07:59.520 --> 01:08:00.480
Why isn't he doing this?

884
01:08:00.480 --> 01:08:03.880
Instead of like, I wonder why that is.

885
01:08:03.880 --> 01:08:05.720
I wonder what's going on in his world.

886
01:08:05.720 --> 01:08:07.880
And again, now some of you ladies

887
01:08:07.880 --> 01:08:09.800
might do that more frequently.

888
01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:13.800
And if you tend to do that because you extend too much grace

889
01:08:13.800 --> 01:08:17.359
because you don't have enough boundaries yourself,

890
01:08:17.359 --> 01:08:20.279
then that's not something that you're going to focus on.

891
01:08:21.600 --> 01:08:22.880
Okay, these are for the ladies

892
01:08:22.880 --> 01:08:27.680
that probably have more of that like more,

893
01:08:27.680 --> 01:08:30.060
it's very, very clear that they're like,

894
01:08:30.060 --> 01:08:31.279
why isn't he doing what I want?

895
01:08:31.279 --> 01:08:33.399
There's more entitlement there.

896
01:08:33.399 --> 01:08:35.479
If you are not someone that struggles

897
01:08:35.479 --> 01:08:37.840
with this entitlement of,

898
01:08:37.840 --> 01:08:42.840
if you are constantly looking at the other person

899
01:08:43.340 --> 01:08:45.060
and meeting another person's needs,

900
01:08:45.060 --> 01:08:48.359
this is probably not an area that you would shift.

901
01:08:48.359 --> 01:08:49.560
Does that make sense?

902
01:08:50.520 --> 01:08:51.359
Okay.

903
01:08:53.319 --> 01:08:56.160
Continue using the supernatural surrender tools

904
01:08:56.160 --> 01:08:57.220
from the heart work.

905
01:08:58.720 --> 01:09:01.760
And then reflect like, have you prayed today

906
01:09:01.760 --> 01:09:04.960
and invited God into every area of your life?

907
01:09:04.960 --> 01:09:06.200
That's important.

908
01:09:06.200 --> 01:09:09.060
And then honoring your needs without demanding change.

909
01:09:10.319 --> 01:09:12.240
Like you need consistency

910
01:09:13.800 --> 01:09:17.200
and to choose someone who's going to naturally offer it.

911
01:09:17.200 --> 01:09:20.680
Okay, you don't have to demand it from someone,

912
01:09:21.520 --> 01:09:23.880
but people can choose to give it to you.

913
01:09:25.560 --> 01:09:26.840
Okay, there's a time and place

914
01:09:26.840 --> 01:09:30.920
when you just have to let someone choose to do it

915
01:09:30.920 --> 01:09:32.960
instead of demanding it.

916
01:09:32.960 --> 01:09:34.920
Especially ladies, most of you ladies

917
01:09:34.920 --> 01:09:38.479
are going to be in those level two stages of dating,

918
01:09:38.479 --> 01:09:40.319
maybe early level threes.

919
01:09:41.700 --> 01:09:43.680
Like you're just going to be starting

920
01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:45.240
an exclusive relationship.

921
01:09:46.399 --> 01:09:49.600
At that point, like those demands,

922
01:09:50.439 --> 01:09:52.720
like that's going to look different.

923
01:09:52.720 --> 01:09:55.320
Okay, it looks different when you're married to the person

924
01:09:55.320 --> 01:09:57.360
because at that point you have a commitment.

925
01:09:57.360 --> 01:09:59.700
Okay, it's okay to ask for certain needs,

926
01:09:59.700 --> 01:10:00.540
but even...

927
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.000
And then there's not a whole lot,

928
01:10:03.000 --> 01:10:05.560
like you still have to release control.

929
01:10:08.160 --> 01:10:09.600
Did I freeze for a second?

930
01:10:12.520 --> 01:10:14.000
I hope not.

931
01:10:14.000 --> 01:10:15.520
Okay.

932
01:10:15.520 --> 01:10:17.200
All right.

933
01:10:17.200 --> 01:10:19.160
I don't know if I have time for breakout sessions,

934
01:10:19.160 --> 01:10:20.640
but we're gonna just do this all together

935
01:10:20.640 --> 01:10:22.200
because there's not a whole lot of us.

936
01:10:22.200 --> 01:10:24.240
So, and I think this will open it up

937
01:10:24.240 --> 01:10:27.240
for questions and feedback and coaching.

938
01:10:27.960 --> 01:10:30.200
But before I do that, these are things,

939
01:10:30.200 --> 01:10:32.200
this is the activation that I want you ladies

940
01:10:32.200 --> 01:10:33.400
to do this week, okay?

941
01:10:33.400 --> 01:10:36.720
I'm gonna try to do this short, brief and powerful.

942
01:10:36.720 --> 01:10:40.560
We'll post in the app more details.

943
01:10:40.560 --> 01:10:43.600
So if you're still kind of like, I'm not sure what to do,

944
01:10:43.600 --> 01:10:45.440
be looking in the app and it'll have more details.

945
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:47.360
So that way I don't take up more time.

946
01:10:48.360 --> 01:10:49.440
What you're gonna do this week

947
01:10:49.440 --> 01:10:53.480
is you are going to anonymously

948
01:10:53.520 --> 01:10:58.520
do an unreturnable act of kindness, anonymously.

949
01:11:01.040 --> 01:11:01.880
Okay?

950
01:11:01.880 --> 01:11:03.200
So these are the rules.

951
01:11:04.280 --> 01:11:06.360
Am I frozen again?

952
01:11:06.360 --> 01:11:07.200
Am I frozen?

953
01:11:07.200 --> 01:11:08.640
Okay.

954
01:11:08.640 --> 01:11:10.280
The rules.

955
01:11:10.280 --> 01:11:14.160
You're gonna take no credit, no recognition.

956
01:11:15.120 --> 01:11:16.760
You're not gonna get a thank you.

957
01:11:18.040 --> 01:11:19.280
And there's no followup.

958
01:11:20.600 --> 01:11:21.440
Okay?

959
01:11:22.240 --> 01:11:25.000
So basically, if it can't come back to bless you,

960
01:11:25.000 --> 01:11:26.120
you're doing it right.

961
01:11:27.800 --> 01:11:28.640
Okay?

962
01:11:28.640 --> 01:11:30.520
We're not gonna get recognition from this.

963
01:11:30.520 --> 01:11:31.360
Okay?

964
01:11:31.360 --> 01:11:32.800
Sort of, right?

965
01:11:32.800 --> 01:11:33.920
You'll see what I mean.

966
01:11:33.920 --> 01:11:34.760
Okay?

967
01:11:34.760 --> 01:11:36.960
So here are some examples.

968
01:11:39.480 --> 01:11:41.400
Anonymously pay for someone's coffee.

969
01:11:43.360 --> 01:11:45.240
Give a compliment to somebody

970
01:11:46.360 --> 01:11:47.960
who maybe is a little difficult.

971
01:11:48.920 --> 01:11:53.760
Maybe you notice someone who's being rude to a cashier

972
01:11:53.760 --> 01:11:55.440
and they're just like grumpy.

973
01:11:57.120 --> 01:11:59.200
Go and give that person a compliment.

974
01:12:00.640 --> 01:12:02.960
Someone who doesn't deserve a compliment,

975
01:12:02.960 --> 01:12:04.320
go give them a compliment.

976
01:12:06.720 --> 01:12:08.080
How about that?

977
01:12:08.080 --> 01:12:11.480
That's something that doesn't even cost you anything.

978
01:12:11.480 --> 01:12:13.120
You don't even have to know them.

979
01:12:13.120 --> 01:12:14.480
Just walk away.

980
01:12:14.480 --> 01:12:16.680
Just give them a compliment and walk away.

981
01:12:16.680 --> 01:12:17.520
Okay?

982
01:12:18.080 --> 01:12:20.400
That one you can't really do so much anonymously,

983
01:12:20.400 --> 01:12:22.160
but you're not gonna get credit for that.

984
01:12:22.160 --> 01:12:23.440
Does that make sense?

985
01:12:23.440 --> 01:12:25.320
Like you're not gonna go get praise

986
01:12:25.320 --> 01:12:26.600
because, oh, look at what I did.

987
01:12:26.600 --> 01:12:27.680
Does that make sense?

988
01:12:29.800 --> 01:12:34.800
Maybe pick up trash for people in your office.

989
01:12:35.320 --> 01:12:36.400
Like if you work,

990
01:12:36.400 --> 01:12:40.360
maybe do a job at your work

991
01:12:40.360 --> 01:12:42.240
that people just don't like doing

992
01:12:42.240 --> 01:12:43.600
and just go do it for somebody

993
01:12:43.600 --> 01:12:46.320
without anybody knowing that you're doing it for them.

994
01:12:47.720 --> 01:12:50.880
Maybe it's like y'all have to share like responsibilities

995
01:12:50.880 --> 01:12:54.200
and everybody doesn't like having to do that one thing.

996
01:12:54.200 --> 01:12:56.880
You just go do it anonymously.

997
01:12:59.520 --> 01:13:04.040
Maybe you go bless somebody with a bouquet of flowers

998
01:13:04.040 --> 01:13:06.800
that just needs some uplifting.

999
01:13:06.800 --> 01:13:10.800
Maybe you know of a need of a neighbor or a friend

1000
01:13:10.800 --> 01:13:14.880
and you're just gonna go anonymously

1001
01:13:15.120 --> 01:13:17.800
put something in their mailbox or on their doorstep.

1002
01:13:18.640 --> 01:13:19.560
Maybe not their doorstep

1003
01:13:19.560 --> 01:13:22.000
because so many people have ring cameras nowadays.

1004
01:13:23.120 --> 01:13:26.680
But give somebody something

1005
01:13:26.680 --> 01:13:29.680
that they don't know that it came from you.

1006
01:13:31.480 --> 01:13:33.520
Maybe bless somebody with a gift card.

1007
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:37.480
Maybe you like to go to the library

1008
01:13:37.480 --> 01:13:38.560
or bookstore or something.

1009
01:13:38.560 --> 01:13:43.560
Slip a gift card in a book and just leave it there.

1010
01:13:45.360 --> 01:13:46.440
That's it.

1011
01:13:46.440 --> 01:13:48.760
You don't have to know the outcome, nothing.

1012
01:13:49.960 --> 01:13:51.640
So everybody kind of, and here's the thing.

1013
01:13:51.640 --> 01:13:53.120
Those are just some ideas.

1014
01:13:53.120 --> 01:13:55.040
And once you spend time with the Lord

1015
01:13:56.120 --> 01:13:58.200
and ask him to reveal to you

1016
01:13:58.200 --> 01:14:01.960
what is it that you can do to bless someone

1017
01:14:01.960 --> 01:14:04.480
that maybe doesn't deserve it

1018
01:14:04.480 --> 01:14:08.520
where you're not gonna get any recognition for it, sort of.

1019
01:14:08.520 --> 01:14:11.240
Okay, because I'm gonna have, there's other prompting here.

1020
01:14:11.240 --> 01:14:13.600
Okay, and when you do that,

1021
01:14:13.640 --> 01:14:16.440
these are the things that I want you to do.

1022
01:14:16.440 --> 01:14:20.160
What did you feel like?

1023
01:14:20.160 --> 01:14:23.520
What did it feel like to give without being seen?

1024
01:14:25.200 --> 01:14:26.800
What did that feel like to you?

1025
01:14:28.800 --> 01:14:33.400
Did you notice any urges to be acknowledged?

1026
01:14:34.560 --> 01:14:36.240
Was there anything that you felt

1027
01:14:36.240 --> 01:14:39.200
like you needed that recognition or that acknowledgement?

1028
01:14:40.400 --> 01:14:42.520
And then did anything shift in your heart

1029
01:14:42.520 --> 01:14:44.920
around expectation or control?

1030
01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:52.200
Okay, so I want you to share

1031
01:14:52.200 --> 01:14:54.680
about the experience in our app,

1032
01:14:54.680 --> 01:14:58.280
but we're not gonna share about the act itself.

1033
01:14:59.400 --> 01:15:00.240
So that's kind of.

1034
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.400
or you're gonna share about it, but not give us specifics

1035
01:15:03.400 --> 01:15:06.360
because I, again, we're not getting recognition

1036
01:15:06.360 --> 01:15:07.840
for what we did.

1037
01:15:07.840 --> 01:15:12.840
We're just gonna share about what experience we had with it.

1038
01:15:13.120 --> 01:15:14.320
Does that make sense?

1039
01:15:15.220 --> 01:15:18.560
So you might take a picture like of,

1040
01:15:18.560 --> 01:15:20.320
like if you bless somebody with a cup of coffee,

1041
01:15:20.320 --> 01:15:23.280
like take a picture of like the coffee,

1042
01:15:23.280 --> 01:15:25.600
but then don't take a picture of you like giving it,

1043
01:15:25.600 --> 01:15:27.000
like nothing like that.

1044
01:15:27.000 --> 01:15:30.400
Just maybe if you give flowers to somebody,

1045
01:15:30.400 --> 01:15:32.280
like take a picture of the flowers,

1046
01:15:32.280 --> 01:15:36.040
but not don't tell us like the situation

1047
01:15:36.040 --> 01:15:38.720
of who you gave them to and why.

1048
01:15:38.720 --> 01:15:42.480
Just I gave flowers, this is my experience with it.

1049
01:15:42.480 --> 01:15:43.920
You know, again, go back to those questions.

1050
01:15:43.920 --> 01:15:45.720
Like, what did it feel like

1051
01:15:46.780 --> 01:15:49.280
when you did it without needing to be seen?

1052
01:15:49.280 --> 01:15:51.640
Did you notice any urgencies

1053
01:15:51.640 --> 01:15:53.400
where you felt like you wanted to be acknowledged

1054
01:15:53.400 --> 01:15:55.080
or you needed to be acknowledged?

1055
01:15:55.080 --> 01:15:58.060
Was there a shift that you're like,

1056
01:15:58.920 --> 01:16:01.200
I usually feel like I have this expectation

1057
01:16:01.200 --> 01:16:03.040
that when I give something that I wanna thank you

1058
01:16:03.040 --> 01:16:06.080
and I didn't, like it was weird not getting that thank you

1059
01:16:06.080 --> 01:16:07.600
and I was shifting out of it.

1060
01:16:07.600 --> 01:16:10.320
I want you to be thinking about that, okay?

1061
01:16:11.520 --> 01:16:13.120
And here's some ideas like you can,

1062
01:16:13.120 --> 01:16:14.760
some caption ideas, if you will,

1063
01:16:14.760 --> 01:16:18.300
like giving without expectation felt freeing,

1064
01:16:18.300 --> 01:16:21.520
anonymous generosity hits different,

1065
01:16:21.520 --> 01:16:24.440
releasing entitlement, choosing grace,

1066
01:16:24.440 --> 01:16:26.280
no credit, just love,

1067
01:16:27.440 --> 01:16:32.280
no details, no names, no explanations, okay?

1068
01:16:33.720 --> 01:16:37.780
Because entitlement asks, what do I get?

1069
01:16:37.780 --> 01:16:40.980
Where grace asks, what can I give?

1070
01:16:43.280 --> 01:16:44.240
That makes sense?

1071
01:16:45.600 --> 01:16:50.600
Okay, so I want to open the floor for questions,

1072
01:16:51.460 --> 01:16:53.400
but I really do wanna prompt

1073
01:16:53.400 --> 01:16:54.800
because I wanted to do this breakout,

1074
01:16:54.800 --> 01:16:59.400
but y'all know me, I talk way too much,

1075
01:16:59.400 --> 01:17:01.200
something I gotta work on.

1076
01:17:01.200 --> 01:17:03.840
I always love that you ladies give me so much grace.

1077
01:17:06.100 --> 01:17:10.120
I want you ladies to get vulnerable with me here

1078
01:17:10.120 --> 01:17:14.860
and I want you, now, if you're currently dating,

1079
01:17:14.860 --> 01:17:17.800
this might be a little easier.

1080
01:17:17.800 --> 01:17:21.160
If you're not dating, then the second question

1081
01:17:21.160 --> 01:17:24.720
will probably be more helpful for you to answer, okay?

1082
01:17:24.720 --> 01:17:28.000
So you decide, like if you're dating, then don't worry.

1083
01:17:28.000 --> 01:17:32.480
If you're not dating yet, you can still participate, okay?

1084
01:17:32.480 --> 01:17:37.040
So I want some of you ladies to be brave.

1085
01:17:37.040 --> 01:17:39.120
I want some brave souls to share.

1086
01:17:39.120 --> 01:17:41.440
Where do you notice entitlement showing up

1087
01:17:41.440 --> 01:17:43.560
in your dating life currently?

1088
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:47.160
Okay, for those of you that are dating,

1089
01:17:47.160 --> 01:17:50.300
I want some hands to go up for you share with us

1090
01:17:50.300 --> 01:17:54.060
what, where do you notice that showing up

1091
01:17:54.060 --> 01:17:55.060
in your dating life?

1092
01:17:56.380 --> 01:17:58.660
And then the other question that I'd like some people

1093
01:17:58.660 --> 01:18:02.500
to share is how might past hurts

1094
01:18:02.500 --> 01:18:05.420
create present expectations?

1095
01:18:05.420 --> 01:18:06.800
So that can be for anybody,

1096
01:18:06.800 --> 01:18:08.360
even if you haven't started dating yet,

1097
01:18:08.360 --> 01:18:09.820
because believe it or not,

1098
01:18:09.820 --> 01:18:13.680
some people that are hesitant about dating,

1099
01:18:13.680 --> 01:18:17.820
a lot of times it's because there is past hurts

1100
01:18:17.820 --> 01:18:21.140
that are kind of, we're holding onto

1101
01:18:21.140 --> 01:18:25.700
that we're expecting someone to show up as,

1102
01:18:25.700 --> 01:18:28.100
and that's why we're not jumping into dating.

1103
01:18:29.220 --> 01:18:30.620
Does that make sense?

1104
01:18:30.620 --> 01:18:33.140
So if that's something that you're experienced,

1105
01:18:33.140 --> 01:18:34.900
I want you to share a little bit about

1106
01:18:34.900 --> 01:18:36.760
what are some of those past hurts

1107
01:18:36.760 --> 01:18:41.100
that you can see you're having these expectations

1108
01:18:41.100 --> 01:18:43.700
about what dating might be like,

1109
01:18:44.540 --> 01:18:47.580
or maybe this belief of, well, I experienced this,

1110
01:18:48.340 --> 01:18:50.740
so this is what dating is gonna be like.

1111
01:18:50.740 --> 01:18:53.380
So what are those expectations?

1112
01:18:53.380 --> 01:18:55.540
And then if you have some other questions,

1113
01:18:55.540 --> 01:18:57.860
let's dive into those as well.

1114
01:18:59.480 --> 01:19:04.480
And I promise, as we refine these teachings,

1115
01:19:05.340 --> 01:19:06.500
I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get,

1116
01:19:06.500 --> 01:19:09.060
I'm just claiming I'm gonna get better

1117
01:19:09.060 --> 01:19:12.280
at shortening this material,

1118
01:19:12.280 --> 01:19:14.320
being short, brief and powerful.

1119
01:19:14.320 --> 01:19:15.780
Okay?

1120
01:19:15.780 --> 01:19:17.380
And hopefully, I, and you know,

1121
01:19:17.380 --> 01:19:18.820
I love your feedback too.

1122
01:19:18.820 --> 01:19:23.260
Like, is what I share helpful?

1123
01:19:26.780 --> 01:19:29.300
Be honest with me, I don't wanna hurt my feelings.

1124
01:19:31.860 --> 01:19:36.860
You guys can unmute, you can open it up, share away.

1125
01:19:37.460 --> 01:19:39.260
I feel like you're reading my mail today,

1126
01:19:39.260 --> 01:19:40.560
so it was very helpful.

1127
01:19:41.900 --> 01:19:42.740
Good, good, good.

1128
01:19:42.860 --> 01:19:44.260
Good, good, good.

1129
01:19:44.260 --> 01:19:46.220
Yes, very helpful.

1130
01:19:46.220 --> 01:19:47.380
Okay.

1131
01:19:47.380 --> 01:19:48.220
Thank you.

1132
01:19:50.100 --> 01:19:52.500
All right, good to know.

1133
01:19:52.500 --> 01:19:54.260
And ladies, if it's not helpful,

1134
01:19:54.260 --> 01:19:57.580
and you know, you can share it with me in the app

1135
01:19:57.580 --> 01:19:58.500
if you want to.

1136
01:19:59.620 --> 01:20:00.460
So.

1137
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.040
Let me know. I'm always here to improve too.

1138
01:20:03.040 --> 01:20:05.060
I'm here to serve you ladies.

1139
01:20:05.060 --> 01:20:06.840
Remember that. That's my heart,

1140
01:20:06.840 --> 01:20:09.080
is I'm here to serve you.

1141
01:20:09.080 --> 01:20:11.540
You have feedback for me.

1142
01:20:11.540 --> 01:20:15.240
Don't ever feel like you cannot share that.

1143
01:20:15.240 --> 01:20:18.640
Because I'm always trying to get better too.

1144
01:20:19.080 --> 01:20:21.480
Mackenzie, I see you're unmuted.

1145
01:20:21.480 --> 01:20:23.960
What do you want to share from the question?

1146
01:20:23.960 --> 01:20:25.680
Then do you have a question of your own?

1147
01:20:25.680 --> 01:20:29.160
Maybe is it somewhat similar to what we taught on today?

1148
01:20:29.560 --> 01:20:33.520
Yeah, I think it definitely relates.

1149
01:20:33.520 --> 01:20:39.560
I've been working through the spirit of over-spiritualizing.

1150
01:20:39.560 --> 01:20:42.500
And I don't know if you remember,

1151
01:20:42.500 --> 01:20:44.240
in October I met a guy

1152
01:20:44.240 --> 01:20:48.480
and he really fit all of these dreams that I've been having.

1153
01:20:48.480 --> 01:20:50.780
And there were so many confirmations,

1154
01:20:50.780 --> 01:20:53.280
even just from things you'd said.

1155
01:20:53.280 --> 01:20:57.620
I have page after page of just surrendering to what God is doing.

1156
01:20:57.620 --> 01:21:01.580
And it just seemed like everything aligned.

1157
01:21:01.580 --> 01:21:04.820
So I don't think of myself as being very entitled.

1158
01:21:06.060 --> 01:21:09.500
Single mom, caretaker, all these things.

1159
01:21:09.500 --> 01:21:11.560
I don't have a lot of opportunity to be entitled.

1160
01:21:11.560 --> 01:21:14.260
But what you were saying did convict me

1161
01:21:14.260 --> 01:21:19.260
that I feel like I was entitled

1162
01:21:19.440 --> 01:21:24.280
in the sense that I had all these confirmations.

1163
01:21:24.340 --> 01:21:27.700
And hey, just a minute, baby.

1164
01:21:29.940 --> 01:21:32.640
I do, I want to come look at it in just a second, okay?

1165
01:21:34.280 --> 01:21:37.180
And I was...

1166
01:21:39.520 --> 01:21:43.020
Anyway, I was praying

1167
01:21:43.020 --> 01:21:45.200
that he would have the same confirmations.

1168
01:21:45.200 --> 01:21:48.600
And he also dreams prophetically.

1169
01:21:48.600 --> 01:21:52.600
So I was just, I felt,

1170
01:21:52.820 --> 01:21:54.260
I don't know if entitlement's the right thing,

1171
01:21:54.260 --> 01:21:57.700
but he should be having the same level of commitment

1172
01:21:57.700 --> 01:22:00.700
that I am because of all these things I've seen.

1173
01:22:00.700 --> 01:22:04.900
And so he ended up breaking up with me on Saturday

1174
01:22:04.900 --> 01:22:05.940
after three months.

1175
01:22:05.940 --> 01:22:10.540
And we had really, I thought we were really close.

1176
01:22:12.240 --> 01:22:14.820
But then that same time thing,

1177
01:22:14.820 --> 01:22:18.620
I went out to see him because I needed to meet him

1178
01:22:18.620 --> 01:22:20.960
and see how my body felt, all of those things.

1179
01:22:21.920 --> 01:22:23.880
And it was amazing.

1180
01:22:23.880 --> 01:22:24.920
We had a great date.

1181
01:22:24.920 --> 01:22:26.860
And I felt like that was enough.

1182
01:22:26.860 --> 01:22:30.660
The next piece was that I needed him to see me in my space,

1183
01:22:30.660 --> 01:22:33.020
not meet my kids yet, but just be here.

1184
01:22:33.020 --> 01:22:35.740
So I really pushed for that

1185
01:22:35.740 --> 01:22:37.300
because I have a weekend where the boys

1186
01:22:37.300 --> 01:22:38.700
are gonna be with their dad.

1187
01:22:38.700 --> 01:22:40.740
And I know I'll have that weekend.

1188
01:22:40.740 --> 01:22:41.840
And it's his birthday.

1189
01:22:41.840 --> 01:22:43.840
So I was like, just come out for your birthday.

1190
01:22:43.840 --> 01:22:45.640
It made so much sense to me.

1191
01:22:45.640 --> 01:22:48.180
And he asked for a week to think about it.

1192
01:22:48.440 --> 01:22:51.040
And then he decided he can't do it.

1193
01:22:51.040 --> 01:22:55.240
And so I'm just feeling really like,

1194
01:22:56.620 --> 01:22:59.980
yeah, was I walking in a sense of entitlement

1195
01:22:59.980 --> 01:23:01.860
and that stepping back,

1196
01:23:01.860 --> 01:23:05.420
like what am I supposed to learn in this?

1197
01:23:05.420 --> 01:23:08.960
Because yeah, it just feels like a little bit,

1198
01:23:10.120 --> 01:23:12.260
I mean, I guess that goes more into my other question

1199
01:23:12.260 --> 01:23:17.260
of how long do you wait to move on?

1200
01:23:17.960 --> 01:23:19.320
And then-

1201
01:23:19.320 --> 01:23:21.380
Okay, how long do you wait to move on

1202
01:23:21.380 --> 01:23:24.720
before you get back out there or how long?

1203
01:23:24.720 --> 01:23:29.720
Yeah, or like, do you have markers for like,

1204
01:23:29.720 --> 01:23:32.260
he's done and I shouldn't wait.

1205
01:23:33.560 --> 01:23:35.740
Cause he told me he's really good at moving on,

1206
01:23:35.740 --> 01:23:38.200
but I'm like, I don't know.

1207
01:23:38.200 --> 01:23:40.540
I just, I don't think I'm ready.

1208
01:23:40.540 --> 01:23:41.880
I'm not good at moving on.

1209
01:23:41.880 --> 01:23:45.540
So yeah, sorry.

1210
01:23:45.540 --> 01:23:47.120
It will be different for everybody.

1211
01:23:47.880 --> 01:23:52.880
And so that's, you get to decide for you

1212
01:23:53.820 --> 01:23:55.520
how much time you need.

1213
01:23:57.080 --> 01:23:57.920
Okay.

1214
01:23:59.260 --> 01:24:01.620
Good news is that you're in community.

1215
01:24:03.120 --> 01:24:06.460
So are you someone that,

1216
01:24:06.460 --> 01:24:09.600
do you avoid processing through it

1217
01:24:09.600 --> 01:24:13.660
that you will just stay in the place

1218
01:24:13.660 --> 01:24:17.080
where you just stay in the area of hurt

1219
01:24:17.900 --> 01:24:21.140
and not move on or does it take you time?

1220
01:24:21.140 --> 01:24:23.980
Are you a long processor where you just,

1221
01:24:23.980 --> 01:24:25.140
you might need some time,

1222
01:24:25.140 --> 01:24:27.080
but you're still processing through it?

1223
01:24:29.820 --> 01:24:33.180
I think I do, I don't process extremely quickly,

1224
01:24:33.180 --> 01:24:35.220
but I do.

1225
01:24:35.220 --> 01:24:38.460
I feel like God unfolds all the layers

1226
01:24:38.460 --> 01:24:41.320
as I pray through the things.

1227
01:24:42.760 --> 01:24:45.360
Again, that's where I don't think

1228
01:24:45.440 --> 01:24:49.680
there's really a timeframe that you can put on it.

1229
01:24:49.680 --> 01:24:54.220
I think as long as you are being gentle

1230
01:24:54.220 --> 01:24:55.820
and kind to yourself,

1231
01:24:55.820 --> 01:25:00.200
and you're not neglecting the process of.

1232
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:10.880
processing. And partnering with God in that. Because God can

1233
01:25:10.880 --> 01:25:18.400
supernaturally accelerate your healing. Chances are, there's a

1234
01:25:18.400 --> 01:25:25.720
lot there could be things in this situation that are linked

1235
01:25:25.720 --> 01:25:31.120
to past things that God wants to unfold. Yeah, that's true.

1236
01:25:31.880 --> 01:25:36.200
That's why, again, I don't know how long that will be for you

1237
01:25:36.200 --> 01:25:42.880
because I don't know what from your past you God wants to help

1238
01:25:42.880 --> 01:25:48.880
you process through. Okay, only you and God know what it is

1239
01:25:48.880 --> 01:25:52.240
that you've processed through already and what needs to be

1240
01:25:52.240 --> 01:25:56.400
processed through. Does that make sense? So you get to take

1241
01:25:56.880 --> 01:26:00.720
the time that you need. Good news is that you're in this

1242
01:26:00.720 --> 01:26:05.480
community. And you have us coaches here that we get to do

1243
01:26:05.480 --> 01:26:11.440
that. So if you want to invite us into that process, we're at

1244
01:26:11.440 --> 01:26:17.920
your disposal. Yeah. So at this, at this stage where you're at

1245
01:26:17.920 --> 01:26:25.440
right now, just spend some time with what emotions are you

1246
01:26:25.440 --> 01:26:31.560
feeling? I think it's good that you know, you're reflecting on

1247
01:26:31.960 --> 01:26:38.000
this. Okay. Are you being convicted because you were maybe

1248
01:26:38.040 --> 01:26:43.360
acting in this entitlement? How much of it was entitlement? And

1249
01:26:43.360 --> 01:26:50.840
how much of it was things that were good boundaries? And

1250
01:26:50.840 --> 01:26:57.400
pacing? Yeah, I like you said, you, you went out to visit this

1251
01:26:57.440 --> 01:27:00.720
guy. And I, I do think I recall because yeah, you guys, you

1252
01:27:00.720 --> 01:27:06.080
didn't live in the same state. And you and he does he live near

1253
01:27:06.080 --> 01:27:09.720
your sister or he came and could see? Yeah, something Yeah, I

1254
01:27:09.720 --> 01:27:14.520
remember. I remember this conversation. Yeah. Once once

1255
01:27:14.520 --> 01:27:17.200
you ladies start giving me like little things. I'm like, Oh,

1256
01:27:17.200 --> 01:27:23.720
yeah, I do. Believe it or not have a good memory. Um, yeah,

1257
01:27:23.720 --> 01:27:31.800
like, I don't think that you were wrong in having excitement

1258
01:27:31.800 --> 01:27:34.360
about these things that God was showing you and you felt like

1259
01:27:34.360 --> 01:27:36.520
these were confirmations. I mean, those things were

1260
01:27:36.520 --> 01:27:40.760
beautiful. Okay, one thing that I can just share from my own

1261
01:27:40.760 --> 01:27:46.880
experience is there are times that God speaks to me and I

1262
01:27:46.880 --> 01:27:52.400
think he's telling me one thing when in fact, it's something

1263
01:27:52.440 --> 01:28:01.760
else that he's saying to me that gets revealed later. Yeah. So

1264
01:28:01.760 --> 01:28:05.200
and it's not like that I'm wrong in thinking that like, okay,

1265
01:28:05.760 --> 01:28:08.360
he's showing you all these confirmations, but he's going to

1266
01:28:08.360 --> 01:28:13.960
get to weave it into showing you something else that's probably

1267
01:28:13.960 --> 01:28:17.640
even more beautiful that later down the road, you're going to

1268
01:28:17.640 --> 01:28:24.000
realize why. And I know that's never the response that we want.

1269
01:28:25.640 --> 01:28:27.800
I don't know about you all, but I'm like, but I want to know it

1270
01:28:27.800 --> 01:28:30.240
right now, God, I don't want to wait. But then when it happens,

1271
01:28:30.240 --> 01:28:34.520
we're like, Oh my gosh, it all makes sense. And like, it's just

1272
01:28:34.520 --> 01:28:39.160
the the waiting part that we don't like. But yeah, when God

1273
01:28:39.160 --> 01:28:42.240
reveals it, we're like, now I know why I needed to wait,

1274
01:28:42.720 --> 01:28:45.440
because it actually has more meaning and more intentionality

1275
01:28:45.440 --> 01:28:51.240
behind it. Um, but I don't think you know, you having the request

1276
01:28:51.240 --> 01:28:55.280
for him to come in and invited you, you inviting him to see you

1277
01:28:55.280 --> 01:29:03.760
in your space. I think that was truly a value like it. I think

1278
01:29:03.760 --> 01:29:06.280
that was something that most certainly you could have

1279
01:29:06.280 --> 01:29:16.480
requested. But it's were you holding on to the expectation

1280
01:29:16.480 --> 01:29:20.960
that he did it? And, and what are your feelings directed

1281
01:29:20.960 --> 01:29:25.720
towards him because he didn't choose that? Mm hmm. It's

1282
01:29:25.720 --> 01:29:31.520
understanding that we can request someone to meet a need

1283
01:29:31.520 --> 01:29:35.840
or a desire, but it doesn't mean that they're going to choose it.

1284
01:29:35.880 --> 01:29:40.120
And if they don't, it's okay. It doesn't mean necessarily mean

1285
01:29:40.120 --> 01:29:46.600
that they're a bad person. Right? It just means he may not

1286
01:29:46.600 --> 01:29:51.320
be your person. And that's okay. Or it may mean that he's not in

1287
01:29:51.320 --> 01:29:56.880
a place where he's able to make that choice. And he might need

1288
01:29:56.880 --> 01:29:59.960
more time. Right?

1289
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.000
Well, not to her, but I don't want to.

1290
01:30:02.000 --> 01:30:04.000
Because you've known him, what, for three months?

1291
01:30:04.000 --> 01:30:05.000
Yeah.

1292
01:30:05.000 --> 01:30:08.000
I mean, you really still probably don't know a whole lot about him.

1293
01:30:08.000 --> 01:30:24.000
Right. Right. But I just, yeah, I don't know if there's further, if I should, if there's a way to find, I mean, he wants to stay friends. So then I'm like, I don't know if I can do that.

1294
01:30:25.000 --> 01:30:34.000
So this is, this is, so then these are questions that you're going to ask yourself. If he wants to stay friends, that's going to have to be an initiation on his end.

1295
01:30:34.000 --> 01:30:36.000
Okay.

1296
01:30:36.000 --> 01:30:40.000
I'm going to.

1297
01:30:41.000 --> 01:30:51.000
I always want you ladies to, I don't ever want to tell you what you, what you need to do. I want you ladies to come to the realizations of what you ladies want to do.

1298
01:30:51.000 --> 01:30:58.000
Because I can tell you what to do, but that, that doesn't really do anybody any good.

1299
01:30:58.000 --> 01:31:03.000
I mean, I do that with my kids, like, and my kids sometimes don't even listen to me.

1300
01:31:03.000 --> 01:31:06.000
Right. I mean, and you know that as a mom, right.

1301
01:31:07.000 --> 01:31:22.000
I want like, and Papa God knows that, like, I would encourage you to allow him to reach out because he's the one that went and closed the door.

1302
01:31:22.000 --> 01:31:27.000
So you don't know what that looks like for him because here's the thing.

1303
01:31:27.000 --> 01:31:33.000
It is the authentic and wanting to have a friendship with you. Maybe.

1304
01:31:33.000 --> 01:31:37.000
You know what that definition of a friendship looks like to him.

1305
01:31:37.000 --> 01:31:40.000
Not yet.

1306
01:31:40.000 --> 01:31:49.000
Could he have said that because he's just trying not to be mean or seem like a bad guy.

1307
01:31:49.000 --> 01:32:01.000
Could be believe it or not, guys sometimes feel like they have to say that because women get emotional or respond and then take it on.

1308
01:32:01.000 --> 01:32:09.000
Like some women get very reactionary and explode and some women get all emotional.

1309
01:32:09.000 --> 01:32:14.000
Like, they don't know how, like, sometimes men just don't know how to respond.

1310
01:32:14.000 --> 01:32:19.000
So you get he at this point, the ball is in his court with what this looks like.

1311
01:32:19.000 --> 01:32:22.000
Yeah.

1312
01:32:22.000 --> 01:32:26.000
Are you able to remove.

1313
01:32:26.000 --> 01:32:32.000
And sit and process the emotions that you're feeling and spend time with the Lord.

1314
01:32:33.000 --> 01:32:41.000
Navigating areas of your heart that need healing and being able to navigate.

1315
01:32:41.000 --> 01:32:48.000
Any of these urgencies or things that you're feeling and believing, I think this is this is where.

1316
01:32:48.000 --> 01:32:51.000
Spending time.

1317
01:32:51.000 --> 01:32:56.000
Quiet time with the Lord and with yourself reflecting on.

1318
01:32:56.000 --> 01:33:04.000
What's surfacing in you, what are the thoughts and feelings that come up for you when he reaches out when he doesn't reaches out.

1319
01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:09.000
That would be the thing to sit in the processing.

1320
01:33:09.000 --> 01:33:13.000
And I would encourage you be sharing that with us in the in the group.

1321
01:33:13.000 --> 01:33:20.000
And we can coach you through that and we can see what the Lord wants to reveal.

1322
01:33:20.000 --> 01:33:28.000
Is that how. Yeah, no, that's because I told him no texting or calling because I'm.

1323
01:33:28.000 --> 01:33:35.000
I don't want to see his name come up on my phone, but that we could stay connected on social media or whatever.

1324
01:33:36.000 --> 01:33:43.000
You needed to figure out what is your boundary, what is going to be helpful for you to move past this.

1325
01:33:43.000 --> 01:33:45.000
And then.

1326
01:33:45.000 --> 01:33:54.000
If he decides he wants to have that friendship, it's going to be of his own initiation and what that looks like.

1327
01:33:54.000 --> 01:33:59.000
Yeah, but in this time and season.

1328
01:33:59.000 --> 01:34:06.000
I want you to spend time pressing in with the Lord about this experience.

1329
01:34:06.000 --> 01:34:13.000
You know what happened like I mean.

1330
01:34:13.000 --> 01:34:19.000
I like that you recognize like you have these confirmations and you really desire that he would, too.

1331
01:34:19.000 --> 01:34:22.000
And it sounds like he didn't.

1332
01:34:22.000 --> 01:34:30.000
And I can imagine like are you starting to question like what what's what are some of your thoughts and feelings on that?

1333
01:34:30.000 --> 01:34:34.000
Share that with us. What's surfacing?

1334
01:34:34.000 --> 01:34:38.000
What's going up in your head? Like what?

1335
01:34:38.000 --> 01:34:41.000
Beliefs, emotions.

1336
01:34:41.000 --> 01:34:44.000
What's what's coming up?

1337
01:34:45.000 --> 01:34:50.000
Well, I get a word for the year and my word for this year's fruition.

1338
01:34:50.000 --> 01:34:54.000
And like the last five years, it's been like rest and wait.

1339
01:34:54.000 --> 01:35:00.000
And, you know, so then 10 days later, he breaks up and I'm like, OK, well, it's not fruition of that.

1340
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.520
But I also feel like God's calling me to explore my prophetic gifting.

1341
01:35:06.520 --> 01:35:11.400
And so I think this can kind of, it kind of feels like an attack on that because a lot

1342
01:35:11.400 --> 01:35:12.400
of the...

1343
01:35:12.400 --> 01:35:16.480
I don't want this to stunt your ability to hear from the Lord.

1344
01:35:16.480 --> 01:35:17.480
Right.

1345
01:35:17.480 --> 01:35:18.480
Right.

1346
01:35:18.480 --> 01:35:22.480
That's not, I'm not saying that the Lord did not confirm things for you.

1347
01:35:22.480 --> 01:35:23.480
It just...

1348
01:35:23.480 --> 01:35:24.480
Right.

1349
01:35:24.480 --> 01:35:25.480
The Lord can...

1350
01:35:25.480 --> 01:35:26.480
No, I don't.

1351
01:35:26.480 --> 01:35:27.480
I don't feel like you're saying that at all.

1352
01:35:27.480 --> 01:35:33.200
You're going to be confirming these are characteristics and qualities that your future husband has

1353
01:35:33.200 --> 01:35:38.760
and you're able to recognize it in a man.

1354
01:35:38.760 --> 01:35:45.120
But this man in particular may or may not have, like it may or may not be him.

1355
01:35:45.120 --> 01:35:46.120
But you're...

1356
01:35:46.120 --> 01:35:47.120
Well, I feel like he wasn't ready.

1357
01:35:47.120 --> 01:35:48.120
Like he...

1358
01:35:48.120 --> 01:35:49.120
You were ready.

1359
01:35:49.120 --> 01:35:50.120
Exactly.

1360
01:35:50.120 --> 01:35:51.120
Yeah.

1361
01:35:51.120 --> 01:35:54.880
But you're going to be able, you have more wisdom and knowledge and understanding of

1362
01:35:54.880 --> 01:36:03.160
what that looks like that now can you see how, would you say in the past relationships

1363
01:36:03.160 --> 01:36:11.440
were the qualities and characteristics of this guy the same or different than guys you

1364
01:36:11.440 --> 01:36:13.120
experienced in the past?

1365
01:36:13.120 --> 01:36:20.520
Well, that was the creepy thing is as I was processing that week when I gave him to just

1366
01:36:20.520 --> 01:36:26.640
think the things I would have needed to move forward into marriage were the three things

1367
01:36:26.640 --> 01:36:29.520
I asked my ex before we got married.

1368
01:36:29.520 --> 01:36:36.920
So like sobriety, commitment and, you know, counseling, giving yourself space, like a

1369
01:36:36.920 --> 01:36:41.960
space to process and integrate his trauma and like figure all of that out.

1370
01:36:41.960 --> 01:36:47.000
And so I was like, yeah, that I don't know that it felt like a red flag, but it definitely

1371
01:36:47.000 --> 01:36:54.280
was like he, the word I had before I started dating him was restitution, which is like

1372
01:36:54.280 --> 01:36:56.840
replacing what was lost.

1373
01:36:56.840 --> 01:37:00.160
And then his name is literally the name of my ex.

1374
01:37:00.160 --> 01:37:03.400
So it was like that.

1375
01:37:03.400 --> 01:37:07.680
So I know that there's some, there's something that God's doing, but I just thought it was

1376
01:37:07.680 --> 01:37:09.960
like one thing.

1377
01:37:09.960 --> 01:37:13.640
And so now it's just, it's hard to let go of that.

1378
01:37:13.760 --> 01:37:17.240
Just knowing that I only see the pieces and not the full picture.

1379
01:37:17.240 --> 01:37:24.960
I would say I like, I really feel, I want you to press into, I think it's really interesting

1380
01:37:24.960 --> 01:37:31.160
that you said you then asked or kind of telling him the things that you needed to move forward

1381
01:37:31.160 --> 01:37:35.800
with sobriety, counseling and commitment from this guy, which is the same thing you had

1382
01:37:35.800 --> 01:37:36.920
asked your ex to do.

1383
01:37:36.920 --> 01:37:43.000
And my guess is your ex did not, did not, did not do those things.

1384
01:37:43.000 --> 01:37:50.360
There was no commitment, sobriety or, or, um, counseling, right?

1385
01:37:50.360 --> 01:37:51.360
Yeah.

1386
01:37:51.360 --> 01:37:52.360
Right.

1387
01:37:52.360 --> 01:37:58.560
So did you start wondering, did you start doubting that this guy was able to do those

1388
01:37:58.560 --> 01:37:59.560
things as well?

1389
01:37:59.560 --> 01:38:00.560
Yeah.

1390
01:38:00.560 --> 01:38:01.560
Yeah.

1391
01:38:01.560 --> 01:38:05.520
I mean, I just knew I wasn't going to put myself in another marriage where those things

1392
01:38:05.520 --> 01:38:06.520
weren't being worked through.

1393
01:38:06.520 --> 01:38:12.040
Did you see signs in him where he, um, was he not a sober person?

1394
01:38:12.040 --> 01:38:14.400
Did he use drugs or alcohol?

1395
01:38:14.400 --> 01:38:15.400
Yeah.

1396
01:38:15.400 --> 01:38:16.400
Yeah.

1397
01:38:16.400 --> 01:38:17.400
He definitely, yeah.

1398
01:38:17.400 --> 01:38:21.720
Was using them for just to stop dreams that he was having.

1399
01:38:21.720 --> 01:38:26.800
But I feel like if he had, if he could go to counseling and work through those things,

1400
01:38:26.800 --> 01:38:27.800
you know, and I saw him grow.

1401
01:38:27.800 --> 01:38:32.600
So now you're asking for him to do counseling, but it's not his own will.

1402
01:38:32.600 --> 01:38:38.280
Well, and that's where I didn't ever ask that of him, but I just, I knew that that

1403
01:38:38.280 --> 01:38:43.960
was something that was going to have to come up if, if we were to grow in a healthy way.

1404
01:38:43.960 --> 01:38:52.240
And I want you to really, you know, recognize like you're seeing things that are non-negotiable

1405
01:38:52.240 --> 01:38:53.800
for you.

1406
01:38:53.800 --> 01:39:06.000
And I think in that of itself is the restitution and that will come into fruition as you're

1407
01:39:06.000 --> 01:39:14.760
learning and restoring these patterns you're recognizing so that you are not going to sit

1408
01:39:14.760 --> 01:39:22.720
here and the same fruit is not going to be produced because you're not going to be in

1409
01:39:22.720 --> 01:39:24.520
the same pattern.

1410
01:39:24.520 --> 01:39:29.280
You're restoring that pattern because you're not falling into that same pattern again.

1411
01:39:29.280 --> 01:39:30.280
Does that make sense?

1412
01:39:30.280 --> 01:39:31.280
Yeah.

1413
01:39:31.280 --> 01:39:32.280
Thank you.

1414
01:39:32.280 --> 01:39:33.280
That's good.

1415
01:39:33.280 --> 01:39:34.360
I would say you did hear the Lord.

1416
01:39:34.360 --> 01:39:42.640
It just, again, it was in a different, you were only seeing it in pieces.

1417
01:39:42.640 --> 01:39:51.440
He's able to use this situation, this relationship with this guy to show you another layer of

1418
01:39:51.440 --> 01:39:55.760
healing of, Hey, there was some really great qualities in you.

1419
01:39:55.760 --> 01:39:59.280
You hear from me, trust in that press into that.

1420
01:39:59.280 --> 01:40:00.000
I'm going to still.

1421
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:08.720
be here for you. And now I'm giving you wisdom and discernment of hey, sobriety, commitment and

1422
01:40:08.720 --> 01:40:13.520
counseling and having a man with a teachable heart like looking for a man with those three M's

1423
01:40:13.520 --> 01:40:21.120
maturity, marriage minded and masculinity and having that openness to have a teachable heart.

1424
01:40:21.120 --> 01:40:27.120
Like those are the things ladies that you are looking for in this season of Discovery Dating.

1425
01:40:27.840 --> 01:40:31.680
You know, when you're out there dating, we're not dating to be like, is this my husband?

1426
01:40:33.440 --> 01:40:39.920
Okay. Like, yes, I know we're all wanting a husband, but you're assessing

1427
01:40:41.360 --> 01:40:48.320
and getting to know someone. How do they show up consistently?

1428
01:40:48.320 --> 01:40:56.720
You're not going to find that out in one or two dates. It takes time.

1429
01:40:58.640 --> 01:41:04.000
So it is about that pacing. So, you know, you got to know him over three months and in three months,

1430
01:41:04.000 --> 01:41:08.640
you kind of were seeing, okay, this guy is, you know, using drugs and alcohol. He's got

1431
01:41:08.640 --> 01:41:13.920
these dreams that he's trying to like halt that right there. That's a flag. Okay.

1432
01:41:14.800 --> 01:41:20.480
And now what does he do with that? Hey, you know, why do you feel like you have to,

1433
01:41:21.680 --> 01:41:24.880
you know, have a drink at night before? Oh, well, I'm just trying to, you know,

1434
01:41:24.880 --> 01:41:29.520
I don't know if this is what happened. Oh, I just, these dreams really freak me out. Okay. Well,

1435
01:41:29.520 --> 01:41:36.960
have you ever thought about what those dreams could mean? I mean, again, it's, it's asking

1436
01:41:36.960 --> 01:41:42.320
more questions to get to know them and their thought process and where they're at.

1437
01:41:44.400 --> 01:41:51.680
It's not making those assumptions. Did you ever ask him, like, what was he battling or why he

1438
01:41:51.680 --> 01:41:58.000
thought the way that he thought or what his, his, you know, his outlook on things were?

1439
01:41:59.600 --> 01:42:05.280
Yeah. I mean, there were like, just to him, it was very heavy prophetic dreams. So he, like,

1440
01:42:05.280 --> 01:42:12.960
he felt like it was very, yeah, it just, but I also think it might be a little bit of PTSD

1441
01:42:12.960 --> 01:42:18.720
or trauma too that he's like, Oh, did you ever, you know, have you ever talked to somebody about

1442
01:42:18.720 --> 01:42:23.120
it? Like, have you ever talked to a pastor or a counselor about that? Yeah. And what is,

1443
01:42:24.000 --> 01:42:33.760
I mean, he, he hasn't, he's a pretty new believer, like walking with the Lord or the, and so that he

1444
01:42:33.760 --> 01:42:38.560
hasn't lived, I don't think in Christian community. So my encouragement was just to find a

1445
01:42:38.560 --> 01:42:42.800
church community and not just his online community that he goes to a church online.

1446
01:42:43.760 --> 01:42:48.640
And you guys are long distance, so you're not getting to see, does he go through with that?

1447
01:42:48.640 --> 01:42:54.160
So that's what I'm saying. Like, can I ask you like a really vulnerable question?

1448
01:42:54.720 --> 01:43:02.800
Yeah. Okay. Yes. I'm a four. I can do it. Okay. Did, did you have any physical connection with him?

1449
01:43:02.960 --> 01:43:05.600
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, can you share?

1450
01:43:08.160 --> 01:43:14.480
Well, like when we were there, I kissed him and yeah, we've definitely like just felt a lot of

1451
01:43:14.480 --> 01:43:19.280
chemistry, but it didn't go past kissing. So, okay. Yeah. And that's fine. Okay. Again,

1452
01:43:19.280 --> 01:43:24.480
I'm saying this out of no judgment. It gives me a little bit of framework to kind of see

1453
01:43:24.960 --> 01:43:32.880
and help coach you that when we start having that physical intimacy, I mean, ladies, it can be as,

1454
01:43:32.880 --> 01:43:40.240
is something like handholding, honestly, sitting close to someone on the couch. Everyone is

1455
01:43:40.240 --> 01:43:48.080
different as what closeness, what closeness does for you. I knew for me, kissing, you had me in.

1456
01:43:48.160 --> 01:43:54.640
Like if I was kissing you, like I'm invested, I'm not trying to kiss anybody else. Like

1457
01:43:55.280 --> 01:44:02.240
I'm committed. If I'm kissing you, I'm only kissing you. That's me. Okay. Some other people

1458
01:44:02.240 --> 01:44:06.800
are like, Oh, I can kiss. Nope. That's not me. Nope. So when I was dating, I'm like,

1459
01:44:06.800 --> 01:44:12.560
I'm not kissing anybody unless I know I am fully in an intimacy with that person.

1460
01:44:12.560 --> 01:44:18.320
Nope. So when I was dating, I'm like, I'm not kissing anybody unless I know I am fully in a

1461
01:44:18.320 --> 01:44:24.000
committed relationship and this is leading towards something serious. And we are both invested

1462
01:44:24.000 --> 01:44:27.920
in this relationship and we both have an interest in moving forward.

1463
01:44:30.320 --> 01:44:37.040
Like that, that was something that I knew I had to make a decision for me. And so this helps me

1464
01:44:37.680 --> 01:44:43.440
help you all and coach you all. And I hope, you know, I hope you all are getting wisdom too,

1465
01:44:43.440 --> 01:44:48.880
from me coaching Mackenzie. And like, that's why I know, like I can't get to everybody,

1466
01:44:48.880 --> 01:44:54.640
but if I can get to a couple of you and you all can glean from each other, that's always my goal.

1467
01:44:54.640 --> 01:44:59.920
Again, I'm always trying to improve how much time I take on the teaching part so that I can.

1468
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.240
spend more time individually with y'all.

1469
01:45:02.240 --> 01:45:07.240
But it's very easy, when we physically

1470
01:45:08.620 --> 01:45:10.720
start getting involved, it's like,

1471
01:45:10.720 --> 01:45:15.000
we start running with the physical, all right?

1472
01:45:15.000 --> 01:45:16.320
Our body's involved and we're like,

1473
01:45:16.320 --> 01:45:19.480
yeah, let's have a good time, right?

1474
01:45:19.480 --> 01:45:22.960
So it's, and especially when it's long distance,

1475
01:45:22.960 --> 01:45:24.440
and I say this out of experience,

1476
01:45:24.440 --> 01:45:27.480
because again, me and my husband were long distance.

1477
01:45:27.480 --> 01:45:29.640
I was in Florida, he was in Texas.

1478
01:45:29.720 --> 01:45:32.000
Okay, bye, Stephanie.

1479
01:45:32.000 --> 01:45:33.240
Thank you so much for sticking it out.

1480
01:45:33.240 --> 01:45:35.120
I know I'm taking a really long time,

1481
01:45:35.120 --> 01:45:36.240
so I appreciate you ladies,

1482
01:45:36.240 --> 01:45:37.440
all you ladies that are sticking out.

1483
01:45:37.440 --> 01:45:39.260
And if you need to go, go ladies.

1484
01:45:39.260 --> 01:45:41.060
I know I've taken a long time.

1485
01:45:42.640 --> 01:45:47.640
But spending time, especially that long distance,

1486
01:45:48.180 --> 01:45:52.080
really spending intentional time getting to know somebody

1487
01:45:53.160 --> 01:45:57.880
and seeing somebody in each other's community

1488
01:45:57.880 --> 01:46:02.880
before that physical stuff kind of takes place.

1489
01:46:05.000 --> 01:46:06.320
Does that make sense?

1490
01:46:07.160 --> 01:46:10.320
Because then our, especially for women,

1491
01:46:10.320 --> 01:46:13.140
ladies, that physical connection, it just,

1492
01:46:13.140 --> 01:46:18.080
those endorphins, it's a chemistry.

1493
01:46:18.080 --> 01:46:20.000
It literally is.

1494
01:46:20.000 --> 01:46:21.920
I mean, if you look at studies,

1495
01:46:21.920 --> 01:46:25.940
what they do with like orphans and infant children,

1496
01:46:26.940 --> 01:46:29.140
that skin-to-skin connection,

1497
01:46:30.940 --> 01:46:34.020
there is like chemical that gets released

1498
01:46:34.020 --> 01:46:36.060
when there is physical touch.

1499
01:46:37.500 --> 01:46:41.740
And for women, it gets released,

1500
01:46:41.740 --> 01:46:44.700
and there is a bonding that takes place.

1501
01:46:45.660 --> 01:46:49.900
And so when that happens, that's when those expectations

1502
01:46:49.900 --> 01:46:54.660
and that desire to draw closer with that person is there.

1503
01:46:56.700 --> 01:46:57.540
Right?

1504
01:46:57.540 --> 01:47:01.940
And again, it's just, and it's not meaning that

1505
01:47:01.940 --> 01:47:05.180
when you're in a relationship that you can't,

1506
01:47:05.180 --> 01:47:09.420
it's being able to recognize it and sit and process

1507
01:47:09.420 --> 01:47:14.140
and asking the Lord, help me understand myself better,

1508
01:47:14.140 --> 01:47:15.900
help me to discover myself better

1509
01:47:15.900 --> 01:47:18.660
so that I can use this knowledge

1510
01:47:18.660 --> 01:47:23.660
as I move forward into this next season,

1511
01:47:23.820 --> 01:47:27.740
as I get prepared to go back into dating.

1512
01:47:31.460 --> 01:47:33.580
Like, I don't want any of these ladies,

1513
01:47:33.580 --> 01:47:36.500
ladies, I want any of these experiences

1514
01:47:36.500 --> 01:47:41.500
to like allow the enemy to make you get down on yourself.

1515
01:47:42.740 --> 01:47:45.820
These are all open doors, open invitations

1516
01:47:45.820 --> 01:47:50.820
for us to just really grow and learn more about ourselves

1517
01:47:51.060 --> 01:47:55.300
so that we can show up in a much better version

1518
01:47:55.300 --> 01:47:56.460
of who we are.

1519
01:48:00.500 --> 01:48:04.300
But I do believe you are hearing confirmation from the Lord.

1520
01:48:04.300 --> 01:48:06.180
He is showing you things.

1521
01:48:07.100 --> 01:48:09.020
And I think it's natural to want,

1522
01:48:10.340 --> 01:48:14.180
like, when a man finds a wife,

1523
01:48:14.180 --> 01:48:16.020
he finds favor with the Lord.

1524
01:48:16.540 --> 01:48:19.300
A man knows when he finds his wife.

1525
01:48:21.700 --> 01:48:23.100
Jackie will tell you that.

1526
01:48:24.020 --> 01:48:26.020
She's witnessed it, okay?

1527
01:48:27.100 --> 01:48:28.020
She'll even tell you,

1528
01:48:28.020 --> 01:48:32.420
when she talks with couples before they get married,

1529
01:48:32.420 --> 01:48:34.220
she will talk to the couples together

1530
01:48:34.220 --> 01:48:36.380
and she talks to the couples individually.

1531
01:48:37.220 --> 01:48:41.060
She actually married me and my husband

1532
01:48:41.060 --> 01:48:43.700
and she asked both of us separately

1533
01:48:43.820 --> 01:48:45.060
when did we know?

1534
01:48:46.660 --> 01:48:50.460
Like, we were, you know, like, and how did we know?

1535
01:48:50.460 --> 01:48:55.460
And my husband knew from the moment he met me.

1536
01:48:57.660 --> 01:49:02.660
Now, that would probably freaked me out.

1537
01:49:02.660 --> 01:49:04.700
You know, he knew there was something, you know,

1538
01:49:04.700 --> 01:49:06.060
and that would have freaked me out.

1539
01:49:06.060 --> 01:49:08.540
And in fact, like, he did tell me pretty early on

1540
01:49:08.540 --> 01:49:11.140
and he probably, you know,

1541
01:49:11.140 --> 01:49:13.100
like, luckily it was God,

1542
01:49:13.100 --> 01:49:15.700
because I probably would, I was ready to cut and run.

1543
01:49:16.700 --> 01:49:21.700
But God will give a husband confirmation.

1544
01:49:25.020 --> 01:49:30.020
We just might not know when that is, okay?

1545
01:49:32.220 --> 01:49:34.020
It's just trusting that the Lord

1546
01:49:34.020 --> 01:49:35.940
does let our husbands know

1547
01:49:36.380 --> 01:49:41.380
when, like, hey, that's your wife.

1548
01:49:44.340 --> 01:49:47.180
And again, we don't ever know what these men's trauma's been,

1549
01:49:47.180 --> 01:49:49.340
what their past has really looked like,

1550
01:49:49.340 --> 01:49:50.940
but we have to know that we can trust

1551
01:49:50.940 --> 01:49:52.700
the Lord has got that handled.

1552
01:49:56.700 --> 01:49:59.700
And I think that's the thing that we need to know.

1553
01:49:59.700 --> 01:50:01.740
We need to know that we can trust the Lord

1554
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:17.560
I just really want to just release this, you know, peace over you.

1555
01:50:01.740 --> 01:50:03.940
and we need to know that we can trust the Lord

1556
01:50:17.560 --> 01:50:24.200
I just really feel like, I just feel like hugging you.

1557
01:50:24.200 --> 01:50:25.960
I really do.

1558
01:50:25.960 --> 01:50:31.320
Like God just wants you to know, like he's, he's got you, he's with you and believe it

1559
01:50:31.320 --> 01:50:38.280
or not, you're going to, you're going to not need to take as long to process through and

1560
01:50:38.280 --> 01:50:39.280
get over.

1561
01:50:39.280 --> 01:50:44.240
It's not going to take you as long as long, as long of a time as you think it's going

1562
01:50:44.240 --> 01:50:45.240
to take.

1563
01:50:45.240 --> 01:50:47.240
Does that make sense?

1564
01:50:47.240 --> 01:50:49.400
Does that resonate?

1565
01:50:49.400 --> 01:50:50.400
I don't know.

1566
01:50:50.400 --> 01:50:54.640
Like, again, I'm just sensing that's what he wants you to know.

1567
01:50:54.640 --> 01:50:55.640
Yeah.

1568
01:50:55.640 --> 01:50:56.640
I did the math.

1569
01:50:56.640 --> 01:51:00.400
I was married 10 years and it took me three years to process.

1570
01:51:00.400 --> 01:51:01.760
So we dated four months.

1571
01:51:01.760 --> 01:51:05.680
So, uh, you know, 30% of that, so 27 days, you know?

1572
01:51:05.680 --> 01:51:06.680
No, no.

1573
01:51:06.680 --> 01:51:11.200
And, and I really honestly don't think it's going to take you 27 days.

1574
01:51:11.200 --> 01:51:12.200
Yeah.

1575
01:51:12.200 --> 01:51:17.000
I want, God wants you to know there's, there's no time.

1576
01:51:17.000 --> 01:51:25.160
He, he, he's literally not a, like time is like not like nothing to him.

1577
01:51:25.160 --> 01:51:26.160
Right?

1578
01:51:26.160 --> 01:51:28.960
Like he's outside of time.

1579
01:51:28.960 --> 01:51:30.240
He wants you to be reminded.

1580
01:51:30.240 --> 01:51:34.320
He is outside of time.

1581
01:51:34.320 --> 01:51:40.960
You need to rest in his time, which is outside of time.

1582
01:51:40.960 --> 01:51:45.240
I don't think this is just a word for Mackenzie.

1583
01:51:45.240 --> 01:51:54.560
I think this is a word for others on this call or in replay rest in knowing God is a

1584
01:51:54.560 --> 01:52:02.480
God that is outside of time and you can rest in his time, which is outside time.

1585
01:52:02.480 --> 01:52:07.160
Let's not hold on to what this, how long this is going to take, how quick this is going

1586
01:52:07.160 --> 01:52:08.160
to take.

1587
01:52:08.160 --> 01:52:11.840
The Lord wants you to release it.

1588
01:52:11.840 --> 01:52:13.920
It's time to release time.

1589
01:52:13.920 --> 01:52:19.800
It's time to release time.

1590
01:52:19.800 --> 01:52:22.960
So receive that.

1591
01:52:22.960 --> 01:52:24.320
Thank you so much for all your time, Carl.

1592
01:52:24.320 --> 01:52:26.640
I really, I treasure it.

1593
01:52:26.640 --> 01:52:27.640
Absolutely.

1594
01:52:27.640 --> 01:52:30.320
I, and I believe it's just, it's blessing other people too.

1595
01:52:30.320 --> 01:52:32.480
I'm afraid it does.

1596
01:52:32.480 --> 01:52:33.480
Okay.

1597
01:52:33.480 --> 01:52:36.480
Alexandra, you're my next person up.

1598
01:52:36.480 --> 01:52:41.080
Karen, can you type yours in the thing and I can hopefully address it once I finish up

1599
01:52:41.080 --> 01:52:42.080
with Alexandra.

1600
01:52:42.080 --> 01:52:49.360
Cause I am really going over on time today or, or next time, or maybe I can see Ebony.

1601
01:52:49.360 --> 01:52:50.360
No problem.

1602
01:52:50.360 --> 01:52:51.360
Okay.

1603
01:52:51.360 --> 01:52:52.360
Okay.

1604
01:52:52.760 --> 01:52:53.760
I don't know about it.

1605
01:52:53.760 --> 01:52:54.760
So I want it posted somewhere or something.

1606
01:52:54.760 --> 01:52:55.760
I don't type that well.

1607
01:52:55.760 --> 01:52:56.760
It's okay.

1608
01:52:56.760 --> 01:52:57.760
Go ahead.

1609
01:52:57.760 --> 01:52:58.760
Go ahead.

1610
01:52:58.760 --> 01:52:59.760
Go.

1611
01:52:59.760 --> 01:53:00.760
Okay.

1612
01:53:00.760 --> 01:53:01.760
Okay.

1613
01:53:01.760 --> 01:53:02.760
All right.

1614
01:53:02.760 --> 01:53:03.760
Alexandra.

1615
01:53:03.760 --> 01:53:04.760
Do you go by Alexandra?

1616
01:53:04.760 --> 01:53:09.360
Do you go by like, I like either, but Alex, a lot of people call me Alex.

1617
01:53:09.360 --> 01:53:15.800
So were you the one that's like a guy called you Ellie and you didn't like, yeah, yeah.

1618
01:53:15.800 --> 01:53:19.440
I was like, yeah, that, I don't like it when people do that.

1619
01:53:19.440 --> 01:53:24.920
They just, I think it was like, cause it wasn't girly enough is how I felt like Alex

1620
01:53:24.920 --> 01:53:25.920
or Alexander.

1621
01:53:25.920 --> 01:53:26.920
That's I don't know.

1622
01:53:26.920 --> 01:53:29.120
I was like, I feel like you have some reason behind this.

1623
01:53:29.120 --> 01:53:32.120
I'm glad you, you feel that way too.

1624
01:53:32.120 --> 01:53:33.120
Yes.

1625
01:53:33.120 --> 01:53:34.120
So yeah.

1626
01:53:34.120 --> 01:53:35.120
No, you're not alone.

1627
01:53:35.120 --> 01:53:36.120
Yeah.

1628
01:53:36.120 --> 01:53:40.600
And I think I had even told him not to, that I'd prefer Alex or Alexandra and then he still

1629
01:53:40.600 --> 01:53:41.600
called me another name.

1630
01:53:41.600 --> 01:53:48.480
So, but yeah, yeah, but I was going to say you in red is really pretty.

1631
01:53:48.520 --> 01:53:49.520
Yeah.

1632
01:53:49.520 --> 01:53:50.520
I did the chat GPT for myself.

1633
01:53:50.520 --> 01:53:56.240
So like, I'm really observant of like colors, but you just look really pretty and natural.

1634
01:53:56.240 --> 01:53:59.240
So I wanted to, this is my son's old baseball team.

1635
01:53:59.240 --> 01:54:00.280
They like merged.

1636
01:54:00.280 --> 01:54:01.840
They're not the Matadors anymore.

1637
01:54:01.840 --> 01:54:06.200
They're now called the pack, which is like blue, like this powder blue, which also is

1638
01:54:06.200 --> 01:54:07.200
really good color on me.

1639
01:54:07.200 --> 01:54:08.680
I'm excited about that.

1640
01:54:08.680 --> 01:54:09.680
Yeah.

1641
01:54:09.680 --> 01:54:13.920
But I also went to Indiana university and we're going to the national championships

1642
01:54:13.920 --> 01:54:14.920
for football.

1643
01:54:15.000 --> 01:54:16.000
Oh my gosh.

1644
01:54:16.000 --> 01:54:17.000
Never.

1645
01:54:17.000 --> 01:54:22.040
Like I never, we were not a football team ever.

1646
01:54:22.040 --> 01:54:26.440
And so I was wearing this today and I'm like, I may not have any of my IU gear from before,

1647
01:54:26.440 --> 01:54:31.400
but I'm like, I can wear this and still support my, my, you know, my college.

1648
01:54:31.400 --> 01:54:32.400
That's exciting.

1649
01:54:32.400 --> 01:54:33.400
Excited about that.

1650
01:54:33.400 --> 01:54:34.400
But so thank you.

1651
01:54:34.400 --> 01:54:39.320
I'll be wearing a little bit more red at least through Monday and hopefully they'll get a

1652
01:54:39.320 --> 01:54:41.240
win and I can celebrate some more.

1653
01:54:41.240 --> 01:54:42.240
Yeah.

1654
01:54:42.240 --> 01:54:43.240
That's a big deal.

1655
01:54:43.240 --> 01:54:44.240
That's really cool.

1656
01:54:44.560 --> 01:54:48.280
Mine's I was going to post it.

1657
01:54:48.280 --> 01:54:52.720
I'm having trouble posting a video on the app cause I can also do it there, but I guess,

1658
01:54:52.720 --> 01:54:58.160
so I had this like dream birthed through this program, which was which had already been

1659
01:54:58.160 --> 01:54:59.920
kind of on my heart, which was to be in a.

1660
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.060
play. And it more scared me than anything. It was more of like, this would be really

1661
01:55:05.060 --> 01:55:10.060
good character development for me in the past. Cause I've just spent a lot of my life like

1662
01:55:10.060 --> 01:55:14.920
trying to look good and like worried about what people think about me. And so I did like

1663
01:55:14.920 --> 01:55:21.760
cheerleading and soccer and anyway, I'm very focused on that. And so, and like being goofy

1664
01:55:21.760 --> 01:55:25.520
or silly, like I'm pretty self-conscious. So like, that's really difficult for me and

1665
01:55:25.520 --> 01:55:30.160
difficult when other people are being goofy or silly, especially in a relationship. I've

1666
01:55:30.160 --> 01:55:36.440
had some goofy boyfriends and I've just been super unattracted to them because of it. Um,

1667
01:55:36.440 --> 01:55:45.000
but that was just one particularly though. Anyway. So I, um, yeah, I've, God's kind of

1668
01:55:45.000 --> 01:55:49.600
stood out a couple of different things. Like people have just mentioned how, and it's just

1669
01:55:49.600 --> 01:55:53.520
been weird and maybe this is just because it's on my mind, but they're like, Oh, so-and-so

1670
01:55:53.520 --> 01:55:57.520
met the love of their life while they were acting in a movie or acting in a play. And

1671
01:55:57.520 --> 01:56:01.960
so now I'm like, as God's saying, like, I don't know if that's, what's going to happen,

1672
01:56:01.960 --> 01:56:08.200
but I'm really nervous. So I've told a couple of people probably not wisely after we had

1673
01:56:08.200 --> 01:56:15.840
last weeks on like earned Jackie's wisdom on who to share your dreams with. Yes. Yes.

1674
01:56:15.840 --> 01:56:20.600
Told my family and they're just like blank stares and then told some friends and they're

1675
01:56:20.680 --> 01:56:26.120
like, cause they don't see it in me because it's so not typically me. I'm assuming that's

1676
01:56:26.120 --> 01:56:30.280
why they're kind of weirded out about it. And one person, even that guy was dating was like,

1677
01:56:30.280 --> 01:56:35.280
are you sure that's a good idea? Like, um, if you've never done this before. And so I've had

1678
01:56:35.280 --> 01:56:43.000
some like disappointing responses, but I don't think that's from God. And so there is a local

1679
01:56:43.000 --> 01:56:49.360
theater. I am, I've been looking into like plays. I found one that I really liked that the role

1680
01:56:49.360 --> 01:56:54.440
would be really well fitted for me and like something I'm passionate about. Um, it's called

1681
01:56:54.440 --> 01:57:01.840
trouble in mind. And, uh, I just feel like I really relate to the girl and, but it was, so

1682
01:57:01.840 --> 01:57:06.800
anyway, I guess just kind of encouragement on like, should I even do this? How do I know if I

1683
01:57:06.800 --> 01:57:12.680
should be doing this? Like, um, because I would, my house is on the market right now, which was

1684
01:57:12.680 --> 01:57:17.720
another act of faith because financially I'm a little strapped and I also don't want to live

1685
01:57:17.720 --> 01:57:23.920
here in Tyler anymore. There's not a lot of young my age or anything to do so, but it's been on the

1686
01:57:23.920 --> 01:57:30.320
market and no offers. So in order to do this play, I think I would have to take it off the market for

1687
01:57:30.320 --> 01:57:37.560
a couple of months. Um, and also get like care for my dog. And it's just like a big time commitment

1688
01:57:37.560 --> 01:57:44.680
to be in a play. And so I prayed about it last night. And what came to mind was like, this is a

1689
01:57:45.160 --> 01:57:48.360
like, what I felt like the Holy spirit was speaking to me is like, look at this, like a

1690
01:57:48.360 --> 01:57:53.640
mission, like you're going to need support for your dog while you're there. You're going to have

1691
01:57:53.640 --> 01:57:58.280
to make some sacrifices, like, cause the play takes a lot. And I don't even know if I get the

1692
01:57:58.280 --> 01:58:05.880
part that the auditions are this weekend. So, okay. Yeah, it's kind of, but I, I guess this

1693
01:58:05.880 --> 01:58:10.040
dream was just birthed and I'm, I'm kind of floundering cause I don't have anyone to talk to

1694
01:58:10.040 --> 01:58:20.760
really about it. Well, when you're talking, I really am hearing the Lord, um, remind, want to

1695
01:58:20.760 --> 01:58:27.400
remind you that you're in this community and you know, like you brought up ladies, if you haven't

1696
01:58:27.400 --> 01:58:31.080
listened to Jackie's supernatural Saturday, definitely listen to it. It was really good.

1697
01:58:31.720 --> 01:58:37.960
It was about dreams and who do we share our dreams with? And, and I don't know if you recall this,

1698
01:58:37.960 --> 01:58:42.520
but when she shared about it, she talked about who not to share your dreams with,

1699
01:58:43.080 --> 01:58:49.080
but then didn't she remind you, this is your community. Yeah. Yeah. Community.

1700
01:58:50.040 --> 01:58:57.560
These are the people that you 100% can share your dreams with. Yeah. We're here to support you.

1701
01:58:58.680 --> 01:59:04.040
So, you know, and you know, you might've shared it with, you know, your family and all these

1702
01:59:04.280 --> 01:59:08.680
and they might not have received it. I don't want you to sit there and beat yourself up about it

1703
01:59:08.680 --> 01:59:14.920
and allow that to make you second guess this desire to put, you know, you're just going to

1704
01:59:14.920 --> 01:59:21.480
put into action. That's it. Yeah. Prayers into action. That's all you got to do. Let God figure

1705
01:59:21.480 --> 01:59:26.600
out all of that other stuff. So, you know, don't beat yourself up that you went and shared it.

1706
01:59:26.600 --> 01:59:34.680
Just recognize, you know what God's showing me and, and confirming to me, this is what Jackie

1707
01:59:34.680 --> 01:59:43.960
was. This is what God was sharing Jackie about who to share it with and confirming to me that

1708
01:59:43.960 --> 01:59:52.120
I'm in a community that's safe, that I can share these things with, and I'm going to stay engaged

1709
01:59:52.120 --> 01:59:58.200
and I'm going to continue to press into the Lord and I'm going to continue to keep going after and

1710
01:59:58.200 --> 01:59:59.800
take imperfect action.

1711
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:07.500
to all these things that God is, you know, prompting me to do and I'm gonna let God handle the rest.

1712
02:00:07.500 --> 02:00:14.500
So I don't want you to feel distracted by any of that, like, or discouraged.

1713
02:00:14.500 --> 02:00:19.500
Because like you said, like, you don't know what the outcome is gonna be.

1714
02:00:19.500 --> 02:00:27.500
And I really felt like the Lord is saying, and I'm reminding of what Jackie always says,

1715
02:00:27.500 --> 02:00:32.500
you step in and do the natural things that you can do.

1716
02:00:32.500 --> 02:00:37.500
Put steps to your, you know, put feet to your prayers.

1717
02:00:37.500 --> 02:00:38.500
Mm-hmm.

1718
02:00:38.500 --> 02:00:42.500
Do the action steps that you can do.

1719
02:00:42.500 --> 02:00:45.500
Do the natural things so God can add his super.

1720
02:00:45.500 --> 02:00:46.500
Mm-hmm.

1721
02:00:46.500 --> 02:00:49.500
You do what you can do so God can go do what he can do.

1722
02:00:49.500 --> 02:00:50.500
Mm-hmm.

1723
02:00:50.500 --> 02:00:52.500
And God will figure all of that out.

1724
02:00:52.500 --> 02:00:55.500
So again, you're like, okay, the time, like, all the time that it's gonna take.

1725
02:00:55.500 --> 02:00:57.500
What did I just say?

1726
02:00:57.500 --> 02:01:00.500
God is outside of time.

1727
02:01:00.500 --> 02:01:01.500
Mm-hmm.

1728
02:01:01.500 --> 02:01:05.500
And he gets to literally map it all out.

1729
02:01:05.500 --> 02:01:07.500
Mm-hmm.

1730
02:01:07.500 --> 02:01:11.500
So you don't have to be in control of any of that.

1731
02:01:11.500 --> 02:01:16.500
That felt confirming, too, of just like, okay, I'm gonna put, of just putting my house off the market again

1732
02:01:16.500 --> 02:01:19.500
and thinking about, okay, well, I guess I'm not moving as soon as I want to

1733
02:01:19.500 --> 02:01:22.500
because this theater specifically helps with, like, newcomers.

1734
02:01:22.500 --> 02:01:27.500
Like, people, like, they want to foster creativity and people who aren't used to it.

1735
02:01:27.500 --> 02:01:28.500
Yeah.

1736
02:01:28.500 --> 02:01:30.500
So it just seems like the right place.

1737
02:01:30.500 --> 02:01:32.500
I say, you know, go for it.

1738
02:01:32.500 --> 02:01:35.500
And again, like, you know, I wrote down, like, the sacrifices.

1739
02:01:35.500 --> 02:01:38.500
Like, you're already in this mindset, like, oh, I'm gonna have to give.

1740
02:01:38.500 --> 02:01:41.500
You don't have to sacrifice anything.

1741
02:01:41.500 --> 02:01:42.500
Mm-hmm.

1742
02:01:42.500 --> 02:01:44.500
Mm-hmm.

1743
02:01:44.500 --> 02:01:49.500
Like, you're just literally saying, God, I'm just gonna serve.

1744
02:01:49.500 --> 02:01:53.500
I want you to replace the word sacrifice with surrender.

1745
02:01:53.500 --> 02:01:55.500
Mm-hmm. That's a good idea.

1746
02:01:55.500 --> 02:01:58.500
I'm surrendering to God.

1747
02:01:58.500 --> 02:02:00.500
I'm not sacrificing anything.

1748
02:02:00.500 --> 02:02:02.500
I'm surrendering to God.

1749
02:02:02.500 --> 02:02:03.500
Mm-hmm.

1750
02:02:04.500 --> 02:02:13.500
And I think this is gonna, again, it's just gonna help you with identity.

1751
02:02:13.500 --> 02:02:14.500
Yeah.

1752
02:02:14.500 --> 02:02:15.500
Rebirthing something.

1753
02:02:15.500 --> 02:02:21.500
I just feel strongly about that.

1754
02:02:21.500 --> 02:02:26.500
Yeah, I wrote down even, like, just you said something about disappointments

1755
02:02:26.500 --> 02:02:28.500
with the dreams or something.

1756
02:02:28.500 --> 02:02:30.500
I'm not sure what I was thinking there.

1757
02:02:30.500 --> 02:02:31.500
I kind of lost it.

1758
02:02:32.500 --> 02:02:33.500
I don't know.

1759
02:02:33.500 --> 02:02:34.500
I don't know either.

1760
02:02:34.500 --> 02:02:37.500
There was something else I felt like I was, and I've lost it.

1761
02:02:37.500 --> 02:02:39.500
I don't know what it is.

1762
02:02:39.500 --> 02:02:42.500
If God wants me to have it come back, I will.

1763
02:02:42.500 --> 02:02:48.500
He'll remind me, and I'll be able to share it with you in his timing.

1764
02:02:48.500 --> 02:02:49.500
Right?

1765
02:02:49.500 --> 02:02:50.500
Yes.

1766
02:02:50.500 --> 02:02:54.500
So, yeah, I just surrender to him.

1767
02:02:54.500 --> 02:02:55.500
Yeah.

1768
02:02:55.500 --> 02:02:58.500
And, like, maybe it's Satan who's, like, because I'm, like,

1769
02:02:59.500 --> 02:03:03.500
why would people want me to be an expert at something that I'm just saying,

1770
02:03:03.500 --> 02:03:06.500
like, I'm wanting to enter into and learn about?

1771
02:03:06.500 --> 02:03:07.500
I'm just kind of frustrated.

1772
02:03:07.500 --> 02:03:09.500
So maybe that's not from God.

1773
02:03:09.500 --> 02:03:10.500
No, just to learn about it.

1774
02:03:10.500 --> 02:03:12.500
Well, that's what I'm saying.

1775
02:03:12.500 --> 02:03:19.500
I think, again, it's asking yourself, what's God's character?

1776
02:03:19.500 --> 02:03:24.500
If there's a feeling of disappointment and discouragement,

1777
02:03:24.500 --> 02:03:25.500
is that from God?

1778
02:03:25.500 --> 02:03:26.500
No.

1779
02:03:27.500 --> 02:03:28.500
Yeah.

1780
02:03:28.500 --> 02:03:30.500
God is not one that's going to fill us with discouragement,

1781
02:03:30.500 --> 02:03:34.500
disappointment, you know, fear.

1782
02:03:34.500 --> 02:03:38.500
Like, if there's any of those, then we know that it is not God.

1783
02:03:38.500 --> 02:03:40.500
So.

1784
02:03:40.500 --> 02:03:41.500
Yeah.

1785
02:03:41.500 --> 02:03:45.500
I'm like, well, wait, I'm not operating in what, you know,

1786
02:03:45.500 --> 02:03:47.500
God's wisdom right now, and that's okay.

1787
02:03:47.500 --> 02:03:48.500
Yeah.

1788
02:03:48.500 --> 02:03:51.500
Again, it's spending time with the Lord and be like, okay, Lord,

1789
02:03:51.500 --> 02:03:52.500
what is it?

1790
02:03:52.500 --> 02:03:53.500
What is it?

1791
02:03:53.500 --> 02:03:54.500
What is it that you have for me?

1792
02:03:54.500 --> 02:03:55.500
Yeah.

1793
02:03:55.500 --> 02:03:56.500
You have a community.

1794
02:03:56.500 --> 02:03:59.500
You have a community to sit through and process.

1795
02:03:59.500 --> 02:04:01.500
You have, you know, we have calls on Tuesdays.

1796
02:04:01.500 --> 02:04:02.500
We have two calls.

1797
02:04:02.500 --> 02:04:05.500
Every Tuesday, we have the app.

1798
02:04:05.500 --> 02:04:06.500
Myself and Ebony.

1799
02:04:06.500 --> 02:04:08.500
You know, float through.

1800
02:04:08.500 --> 02:04:12.500
Those, those replies.

1801
02:04:12.500 --> 02:04:14.500
All right on there too, because.

1802
02:04:15.500 --> 02:04:16.500
Yeah.

1803
02:04:16.500 --> 02:04:19.500
We can help you process through all of that. It's, it's always,

1804
02:04:19.500 --> 02:04:20.500
that's what we're here for.

1805
02:04:20.500 --> 02:04:21.500
Yeah.

1806
02:04:21.500 --> 02:04:27.500
Like we're your community. So.

1807
02:04:27.500 --> 02:04:30.500
Definitely, you know, press into that. Don't surrender.

1808
02:04:30.500 --> 02:04:32.500
You're not sacrificing your surrendering.

1809
02:04:32.500 --> 02:04:33.500
Yeah.

1810
02:04:33.500 --> 02:04:35.500
That's what we're going to, we're going to be in that.

1811
02:04:35.500 --> 02:04:36.500
And.

1812
02:04:36.500 --> 02:04:37.500
Yeah.

1813
02:04:37.500 --> 02:04:43.500
That's good.

1814
02:04:43.500 --> 02:04:44.500
Yeah.

1815
02:04:44.500 --> 02:04:47.500
Yeah.

1816
02:04:47.500 --> 02:04:51.500
So how, like, when do you have to do auditions?

1817
02:04:51.500 --> 02:04:54.500
It's either Friday night or Saturday afternoon.

1818
02:04:54.500 --> 02:04:56.500
I don't know which one to do.

1819
02:04:56.500 --> 02:04:58.500
I'm nervous.

1820
02:04:58.500 --> 02:04:59.500
Updating. Let us know which one you decide.

1821
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:05.440
Like I'm trying to have my mindset just I think it's gonna even just going I think is gonna be really good for me

1822
02:05:05.440 --> 02:05:09.980
so I'm really excited just to go and who knows what doors open because of it like

1823
02:05:10.360 --> 02:05:14.280
Yeah, I don't know what the outcome is. You don't need to know what the outcome is. Yeah, and

1824
02:05:15.240 --> 02:05:20.520
Just yeah go with it. I'm excited. I'm like even this I mean, we're

1825
02:05:21.040 --> 02:05:27.120
Where do you live? It's East Texas. It's called Tyler. Okay, I was gonna say you said Tyler I was like, I think that's in Texas

1826
02:05:27.160 --> 02:05:29.160
Yeah

1827
02:05:29.440 --> 02:05:31.820
Yeah, and I don't like living here

1828
02:05:35.400 --> 02:05:38.600
So anyway, I'm like, I'm like anyway

1829
02:05:38.600 --> 02:05:42.360
We'll see if the play if I if I get the audition if I prolong

1830
02:05:42.520 --> 02:05:48.240
But I'm it's not my control who buys the house anyway, or when I mean you could get someone that would put an offer

1831
02:05:48.240 --> 02:05:51.500
On the house and they're like, hey, we need three months until we can move in. Yeah

1832
02:05:52.040 --> 02:05:56.000
You don't get to you don't have to control that. Yeah, but God's in it

1833
02:05:56.760 --> 02:05:58.840
God knows the outcome. Yeah

1834
02:06:00.200 --> 02:06:05.480
Like I mean I could sit here and talk more and more but I definitely know I've gone to two hours and I need to

1835
02:06:05.480 --> 02:06:08.760
Stop. Thank you. But you know, the Lord has done some pretty

1836
02:06:09.680 --> 02:06:11.680
crazy things with

1837
02:06:11.880 --> 02:06:17.180
Me and my love story and of itself like yeah with timing

1838
02:06:17.560 --> 02:06:21.960
that I had no control over and I was like, oh my goodness, I

1839
02:06:22.720 --> 02:06:24.720
That that was God because

1840
02:06:25.320 --> 02:06:27.320
It wasn't it wasn't me

1841
02:06:27.360 --> 02:06:32.120
Yeah, this feels very much like so I'm gonna see God show up. So thank you

1842
02:06:32.120 --> 02:06:36.000
Yeah, you just release it and again and don't have any expectation on what?

1843
02:06:36.600 --> 02:06:41.320
Mm-hmm, because a lot of times we think God's gonna show up one way and then it he doesn't

1844
02:06:41.880 --> 02:06:44.560
Yeah, then we get disappointed that happened

1845
02:06:45.280 --> 02:06:46.560
and

1846
02:06:46.560 --> 02:06:48.560
then

1847
02:06:49.200 --> 02:06:51.680
It all it all comes together, yeah

1848
02:06:52.520 --> 02:06:54.520
Just think it's not in it

1849
02:06:54.840 --> 02:06:58.240
Okay. All right, ladies. I appreciate you

1850
02:06:58.840 --> 02:07:03.520
Look forward to seeing y'all next week and seeing your activations

1851
02:07:05.200 --> 02:07:08.120
Hopefully you can touch base with ebony tonight

1852
02:07:09.840 --> 02:07:11.840
I'm gonna get better at this

1853
02:07:13.040 --> 02:07:15.040
Getting through things so we can spend more time

1854
02:07:15.560 --> 02:07:20.160
Dialoguing back and forth because I do want updates from you all so if I didn't get to hear from you

1855
02:07:20.880 --> 02:07:22.880
Please make a post

1856
02:07:23.560 --> 02:07:29.840
Leah I've been searching for your name because I feel like you you've given an update and that for some reason I can't find any

1857
02:07:29.840 --> 02:07:34.520
Updates in the app. So I'm gonna go search in because I want to know what's going on in your world

1858
02:07:36.200 --> 02:07:41.520
All right, and there's a couple of a few other ladies too, so all right, it's always a blessing

1859
02:07:42.160 --> 02:07:46.800
I will see you all next week and look forward to your activations and all the

1860
02:07:46.800 --> 02:07:55.000
Acts of kindness that you all get to in explore this week. Okay. All right. Love you ladies