WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.520 All right, how are you ladies doing tonight? 2 00:00:05.520 --> 00:00:06.520 Good. 3 00:00:06.520 --> 00:00:07.520 Oh, good. 4 00:00:07.520 --> 00:00:12.880 Now, I'm not going to be able to see everybody's face at the same time because my computer 5 00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:14.640 wants to act strange on tonight. 6 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:19.400 It act strange the other day, but I had my backup laptop with me and I did not bring 7 00:00:19.400 --> 00:00:25.200 my other laptop for work and so now I'm stuck with the janky one that doesn't want to act 8 00:00:25.200 --> 00:00:26.200 right. 9 00:00:26.200 --> 00:00:28.320 And so, it is so good to see all of y'all tonight. 10 00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:29.320 Can y'all hear me well? 11 00:00:29.320 --> 00:00:31.240 It's so weird being on my phone. 12 00:00:31.240 --> 00:00:32.240 Okay. 13 00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:33.240 Can you hear me well? 14 00:00:33.240 --> 00:00:34.240 Oh, great. 15 00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:35.240 Okay. 16 00:00:35.240 --> 00:00:36.240 So, let's just pray. 17 00:00:36.240 --> 00:00:38.960 Father God, I thank you for tonight. 18 00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:41.620 I thank you for your wisdom, your guidance, and your understanding. 19 00:00:41.620 --> 00:00:47.560 I thank you that we have things that we're working through and heaven has solutions. 20 00:00:47.560 --> 00:00:51.800 And so, I thank you for solutions tonight that go straight to the core of the matter. 21 00:00:51.800 --> 00:00:59.140 I pray that you lead in God my words and our words, Lord God, so that we may truly get 22 00:00:59.960 --> 00:01:05.700 the fulfillment that we're desiring in what we say. 23 00:01:05.700 --> 00:01:08.700 In Jesus' name, amen. 24 00:01:08.700 --> 00:01:14.160 So, I see that everyone enjoyed the activation. 25 00:01:14.160 --> 00:01:15.160 Is that true? 26 00:01:15.160 --> 00:01:16.160 It was a fun... 27 00:01:16.160 --> 00:01:21.740 If you didn't get in on the activation, I want you ladies to go back and check it out. 28 00:01:21.740 --> 00:01:26.100 But it was a really, really, really fun activation. 29 00:01:26.100 --> 00:01:30.440 Anybody want to share a particular experience they had when they were doing the activation? 30 00:01:30.440 --> 00:01:32.040 Something that stood out to you? 31 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:35.520 Maybe something came alive that you didn't know wasn't awakened. 32 00:01:35.520 --> 00:01:39.140 And when it woke up, it's like, oh, I didn't know you were there. 33 00:01:39.140 --> 00:01:43.140 Hey, Heather, it's been a long time. 34 00:01:43.140 --> 00:01:45.140 It has. 35 00:01:45.140 --> 00:01:46.140 Hi. 36 00:01:46.140 --> 00:01:47.140 Hey. 37 00:01:47.140 --> 00:01:50.780 So, good to see you. 38 00:01:50.780 --> 00:01:51.780 Thank you. 39 00:01:51.780 --> 00:01:52.780 You're welcome. 40 00:01:52.780 --> 00:01:53.780 Anybody want to share? 41 00:01:54.460 --> 00:02:00.180 If you do, you just unmute and share. 42 00:02:00.180 --> 00:02:04.060 I see someone in the thing say, oh, my injury is vibrant. 43 00:02:04.060 --> 00:02:05.060 Thank you. 44 00:02:05.060 --> 00:02:08.060 Nobody wants to share. 45 00:02:08.060 --> 00:02:09.060 Okay. 46 00:02:09.060 --> 00:02:13.060 Is this sharing about the stuff for the activation from last week? 47 00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:14.580 Yeah. 48 00:02:14.580 --> 00:02:16.980 I can share real quick. 49 00:02:16.980 --> 00:02:26.980 I was actually on Saturday, I had gone to meet up with the single city Cleveland group 50 00:02:26.980 --> 00:02:29.900 that I had been a part of. 51 00:02:29.900 --> 00:02:37.340 And we were going around to different shops in the area after we had gone to a tea room. 52 00:02:37.340 --> 00:02:42.420 And I didn't wear them tonight because I didn't even think about it. 53 00:02:42.420 --> 00:02:52.260 But I had gotten some earrings, and they are a little bit dangly earrings, a little 54 00:02:52.260 --> 00:02:55.100 more than what I had gotten. 55 00:02:55.100 --> 00:03:01.860 And they looked really pretty, so I thought they would be good to wear on Zoom. 56 00:03:01.860 --> 00:03:02.860 Yeah. 57 00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:03.860 That's cute. 58 00:03:03.860 --> 00:03:04.860 That's nice. 59 00:03:04.860 --> 00:03:07.300 I like a good old pair of earrings. 60 00:03:07.300 --> 00:03:10.940 I saw your post, and I really like earrings. 61 00:03:10.940 --> 00:03:15.380 I meant to post a picture of them, but I forgot to take a picture of them. 62 00:03:15.380 --> 00:03:16.380 Oh, well, cool. 63 00:03:16.380 --> 00:03:19.700 Maybe next time you can wear them so we can see them, and then you can take them out very 64 00:03:19.700 --> 00:03:21.940 quickly if you want. 65 00:03:21.940 --> 00:03:24.180 They don't have to do that. 66 00:03:24.180 --> 00:03:26.180 Earrings have their own fashion. 67 00:03:26.180 --> 00:03:30.220 They don't have to always match. 68 00:03:30.220 --> 00:03:31.220 I'll have to do that. 69 00:03:31.220 --> 00:03:32.220 Yeah. 70 00:03:32.220 --> 00:03:33.220 Well, that's so awesome. 71 00:03:33.220 --> 00:03:36.300 I guess I did skip a couple of things. 72 00:03:36.300 --> 00:03:40.020 You guys remember if you purchase, these are a couple of announcements, if you purchase 73 00:03:40.100 --> 00:03:42.500 this time of the season, it's still available. 74 00:03:42.500 --> 00:03:46.780 You can still go back through the replay, go through all the information that you got, 75 00:03:46.780 --> 00:03:47.780 so don't forget that. 76 00:03:47.780 --> 00:03:55.740 They're still there for you to have access. 77 00:03:55.740 --> 00:04:03.260 Anyone on tonight that's new, it's your first time being on the Zoom call with us? 78 00:04:03.260 --> 00:04:08.740 Yes, this is my first time. 79 00:04:09.460 --> 00:04:12.460 Dana. 80 00:04:12.460 --> 00:04:13.460 Is it Dana? 81 00:04:13.460 --> 00:04:14.460 Yes. 82 00:04:14.460 --> 00:04:15.460 Okay. 83 00:04:15.460 --> 00:04:16.459 I'm working from two screens. 84 00:04:16.459 --> 00:04:17.459 Oh, okay. 85 00:04:17.459 --> 00:04:18.459 Dana. 86 00:04:18.459 --> 00:04:19.459 It's also... 87 00:04:19.459 --> 00:04:20.459 Oh, sorry. 88 00:04:20.459 --> 00:04:21.459 Go ahead. 89 00:04:21.459 --> 00:04:22.460 It's also mine. 90 00:04:22.460 --> 00:04:29.700 I mean, I've been to the ones for the heart work, like when I was doing heart work, and 91 00:04:29.700 --> 00:04:35.660 I still am, always a work in progress, but my Bible study is usually at eight o'clock, 92 00:04:35.660 --> 00:04:40.740 and I'm a teacher, so I can't really go to one o'clock, but today was meal packing at 93 00:04:40.740 --> 00:04:41.740 church, so I'm here. 94 00:04:41.740 --> 00:04:42.740 Oh, good. 95 00:04:42.740 --> 00:04:43.740 Go ahead. 96 00:04:43.740 --> 00:04:50.740 It's great that you're new, because I've never seen you post. 97 00:04:50.740 --> 00:04:55.860 Yeah, so I'm going to try and find more time maybe during the school day, because that's 98 00:04:55.860 --> 00:04:59.340 my planning, but it's hard, because I never want to miss out on small group, but I also 99 00:04:59.340 --> 00:04:59.940 never want to... 100 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.000 I'm a teacher, so it's a hard mix for me on Tuesdays. 101 00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:06.700 Yeah. 102 00:05:06.700 --> 00:05:07.540 Yeah. 103 00:05:09.760 --> 00:05:11.080 I like a mix. 104 00:05:11.080 --> 00:05:11.920 Why? 105 00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:12.760 Air quick. 106 00:05:16.360 --> 00:05:18.080 Is it still happening now? 107 00:05:18.080 --> 00:05:21.220 No, maybe it's, one minute. 108 00:05:21.220 --> 00:05:24.340 Original sound for musicians, noise removal. 109 00:05:24.340 --> 00:05:25.580 Let me try something. 110 00:05:27.080 --> 00:05:28.500 Better? 111 00:05:28.500 --> 00:05:29.480 It could. 112 00:05:29.480 --> 00:05:30.320 No. 113 00:05:33.540 --> 00:05:34.380 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 114 00:05:37.380 --> 00:05:42.040 Whenever I mute and talk and vice versa. 115 00:05:42.040 --> 00:05:43.760 Oh, wait, can you hear me now? 116 00:05:43.760 --> 00:05:45.400 It's you, Ebony. 117 00:05:45.400 --> 00:05:46.240 It's me, yeah. 118 00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:48.240 I do believe it's me, Erica. 119 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:51.220 Okay, so there is something called noise removal, right? 120 00:05:51.220 --> 00:05:53.320 Which means it takes out all the echo and status 121 00:05:53.320 --> 00:05:56.480 if you go to the left-hand, oh, wow, the feature moved. 122 00:05:56.480 --> 00:05:58.120 You stopped echoing just a second ago, 123 00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:00.760 so can you talk for a second, Ebony? 124 00:06:00.760 --> 00:06:01.800 Yes. 125 00:06:01.800 --> 00:06:03.720 You're not echoing now. 126 00:06:03.720 --> 00:06:05.880 I'm echoing now. 127 00:06:05.880 --> 00:06:07.840 No, you just stopped echoing. 128 00:06:07.840 --> 00:06:10.680 Oh, wow, hallelujah, hallelujah. 129 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:12.280 I hope it doesn't start back. 130 00:06:12.280 --> 00:06:13.120 What grade are you? 131 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:14.680 Noise removal. 132 00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:18.000 I'm a reading specialist, so I sort of go in and, 133 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:18.880 well, I don't go in. 134 00:06:18.880 --> 00:06:21.480 I work with grades four through six. 135 00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:23.860 My sixth graders I've had since third grade, 136 00:06:23.860 --> 00:06:25.960 so now we're on year four, 137 00:06:25.960 --> 00:06:27.840 but I also teach small groups 138 00:06:27.840 --> 00:06:29.240 for fourth grade and fifth grade, 139 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:32.920 and then I go into classrooms and model for new teachers, 140 00:06:32.920 --> 00:06:35.200 and I write curriculum, so I'm busy. 141 00:06:35.200 --> 00:06:36.240 Yeah, you are busy. 142 00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:39.560 I teach third grade, ELAR, and so, yeah, you are- 143 00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:41.640 Love ELA, love ELA. 144 00:06:41.640 --> 00:06:42.840 That's my passion. 145 00:06:42.840 --> 00:06:44.720 Well, if you teach reading, I kind of assumed it. 146 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:46.160 Maybe it was, yeah? 147 00:06:46.160 --> 00:06:47.760 It was, yeah, I write curriculum, 148 00:06:47.760 --> 00:06:49.620 so if you ever want any ideas or anything, come at me. 149 00:06:49.620 --> 00:06:50.460 I love to do it. 150 00:06:50.460 --> 00:06:52.400 I love it. 151 00:06:52.400 --> 00:06:55.360 Oh, wow, Karen teaches fourth grade, too. 152 00:06:55.720 --> 00:06:57.560 She just posted, I didn't want to miss that comment, 153 00:06:57.560 --> 00:06:58.680 and there are more teachers, 154 00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:01.600 lots of teachers, actually, in this program, 155 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:04.620 and so, are in good company. 156 00:07:05.880 --> 00:07:08.480 Yeah, yeah, so good to have you. 157 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:10.680 This is an exciting phase. 158 00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:13.240 Yeah, thank you for helping our kiddos. 159 00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:14.320 We appreciate it. 160 00:07:14.320 --> 00:07:15.500 Hats off to you. 161 00:07:15.500 --> 00:07:18.720 It takes patience to help a child read. 162 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:19.880 Yeah. 163 00:07:19.880 --> 00:07:22.080 Yeah, and so, I used to think 164 00:07:22.080 --> 00:07:23.440 I wanted to be a reading specialist 165 00:07:23.440 --> 00:07:25.760 until I worked with my kids on Saturdays, 166 00:07:25.760 --> 00:07:27.560 and Stephanie is a former teacher. 167 00:07:27.560 --> 00:07:28.400 I didn't know. 168 00:07:28.400 --> 00:07:29.680 Yes, that's right, you posted that. 169 00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:30.520 I did know that. 170 00:07:30.520 --> 00:07:32.920 I just didn't know that I knew that, 171 00:07:32.920 --> 00:07:34.520 but anyway, so happy to have you. 172 00:07:34.520 --> 00:07:35.840 This is such an exciting phase. 173 00:07:35.840 --> 00:07:40.440 I tell all the ladies that when you come out of hard work, 174 00:07:40.440 --> 00:07:42.200 oh, I didn't know you were in San Antonio, too. 175 00:07:42.200 --> 00:07:43.880 Okay, I won't do any more of those. 176 00:07:43.880 --> 00:07:45.480 I didn't know you were so close. 177 00:07:47.000 --> 00:07:49.840 When we come out of hard work and we get into phase two, 178 00:07:49.840 --> 00:07:51.720 it's time to work out the hard work 179 00:07:51.720 --> 00:07:54.040 and work out all the stuff that we learned. 180 00:07:54.040 --> 00:07:55.360 Feeling that. 181 00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:56.480 Yep. 182 00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:57.320 Yes. 183 00:07:57.320 --> 00:07:58.480 Woo! 184 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:01.080 Yeah, so great to have you. 185 00:08:01.080 --> 00:08:02.560 Guys, don't forget, 186 00:08:02.560 --> 00:08:04.520 we just always want to encourage you ladies 187 00:08:04.520 --> 00:08:07.240 not to feel like you have to rush through this phase, 188 00:08:07.240 --> 00:08:10.580 or I know when we get into the program, 189 00:08:10.580 --> 00:08:12.480 I've been in the program, I was in the program, 190 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:13.400 but this is a new year, 191 00:08:13.400 --> 00:08:15.740 so I guess it's about four years ago now, 192 00:08:15.740 --> 00:08:17.720 but when you get into the program, 193 00:08:17.720 --> 00:08:20.240 you come in, it's like once I get my heart healed, 194 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:21.360 that's how it works, right? 195 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:22.840 Then my spouse is going to come 196 00:08:22.840 --> 00:08:23.660 and then you get in phase two, 197 00:08:23.660 --> 00:08:25.800 and we're like, oh, well, you need to date. 198 00:08:25.800 --> 00:08:27.600 We want you to date to discover yourself. 199 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:29.120 And you're like, I ain't got time for no dating 200 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:30.000 to discover myself. 201 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:31.800 I don't want to waste my time. 202 00:08:31.800 --> 00:08:34.320 And so then there's this temptation 203 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:36.400 to kind of rush through it, 204 00:08:36.400 --> 00:08:39.320 but see this as your equipping center 205 00:08:39.320 --> 00:08:41.480 to give you capacity for marriage, 206 00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:42.799 to help you grow in grace, 207 00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:44.080 to help you grow in forgiveness, 208 00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:47.960 and to expand you into a level of self-awareness 209 00:08:47.960 --> 00:08:50.240 that will be beneficial for you, 210 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:52.880 not just in dating, but in life overall, 211 00:08:52.880 --> 00:08:54.960 and especially for the marriage that is to come, 212 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:57.680 because hard work is one of those things that don't stop. 213 00:08:57.680 --> 00:08:59.400 As long as there's a fence in the world, 214 00:08:59.400 --> 00:09:02.040 we're going to have some hard stuff to work through. 215 00:09:02.040 --> 00:09:03.440 It's just the way it is. 216 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:07.920 So don't forget that we also offer one-on-one coaching 217 00:09:07.920 --> 00:09:09.280 for you ladies that have something 218 00:09:09.280 --> 00:09:14.080 that we cannot unpack over the community page 219 00:09:14.080 --> 00:09:16.600 or coaching or even on the Zoom. 220 00:09:16.600 --> 00:09:18.640 So let's get going. 221 00:09:18.640 --> 00:09:21.040 So tonight, if you are at one o'clock, 222 00:09:21.040 --> 00:09:22.000 it's already full, 223 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:23.680 but tonight is going to be a special night 224 00:09:23.680 --> 00:09:26.480 because it's one of my most favorite topics to talk about 225 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:31.480 because I was very much a carrier of this. 226 00:09:31.720 --> 00:09:34.680 And so we're going to be talking about entitlement tonight. 227 00:09:35.800 --> 00:09:37.680 Entitlement. 228 00:09:37.680 --> 00:09:39.520 Look under the resources tab 229 00:09:39.520 --> 00:09:41.880 and it'll have everything that you need there. 230 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:44.560 We're going to talk about entitlement, 231 00:09:44.560 --> 00:09:48.880 how we recognize titles of entitlement in our life, 232 00:09:48.880 --> 00:09:50.360 if we're operating in it, 233 00:09:50.360 --> 00:09:53.400 and then how we can help ourselves 234 00:09:53.400 --> 00:09:56.240 turn into lean in a different direction. 235 00:09:56.240 --> 00:09:57.600 So I got some good notes, 236 00:09:57.600 --> 00:09:58.760 but I'm going to try to move through them 237 00:09:58.760 --> 00:10:00.160 as quickly as I can. 238 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.600 And we want to shift from entitlement to empowerment and healthy connections. 239 00:10:06.600 --> 00:10:11.680 And I think that's why I enjoy this so much. 240 00:10:11.680 --> 00:10:18.480 I think why it's so beneficial in my life because when you deal with entitlement and 241 00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:23.480 you disconnect from it, it does push you into empowerment and it changes the way you show 242 00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:27.880 up in the world, not just on a date, but in the world with people. 243 00:10:27.880 --> 00:10:32.280 And so just if I can't say this enough, but I want you to know that phase two is not just 244 00:10:32.280 --> 00:10:37.320 for people who are dating, it's for everybody because you learn so much in this phase. 245 00:10:37.320 --> 00:10:41.280 It really is something that helps expand your capacity. 246 00:10:41.280 --> 00:10:43.840 So I want to define entitlement for you. 247 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:51.080 It is the belief that we deserve something simply because we want it. 248 00:10:51.080 --> 00:10:57.400 It's an expectation of having expecting outcomes or responses or behaviors without honoring 249 00:10:57.400 --> 00:11:01.000 another person's free will. 250 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:05.120 So I want that to kind of marinate down on the inside of you. 251 00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:15.680 It is the expectation of a particular outcome, a response or behavior without honoring another 252 00:11:15.680 --> 00:11:20.120 person's free will. 253 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:22.840 We frame entitlement in dating as expectation. 254 00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:25.360 Yes, I can say it again and slower. 255 00:11:25.360 --> 00:11:28.800 It's one of the best things you could ever hear. 256 00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:33.120 Entitlement is the belief that we deserve something simply because we want it. 257 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:40.360 Entitlement is also expecting outcomes, responses or behaviors from people without honoring 258 00:11:40.360 --> 00:11:42.360 their free will. 259 00:11:42.360 --> 00:11:48.800 OK, so it kind of sounds like. 260 00:11:48.800 --> 00:11:51.720 You could at least do that. 261 00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:57.360 If I did that, you could do this. 262 00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:58.760 You're not honoring a free will. 263 00:11:58.760 --> 00:12:03.040 If I did, so can you do in return without even your permission. 264 00:12:03.040 --> 00:12:04.520 This is a requirement. 265 00:12:04.520 --> 00:12:10.600 And then we entitlement is more framed like it's an expectation without consent. 266 00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:15.580 So you expect something from someone, but they have not given you consent. 267 00:12:15.580 --> 00:12:18.760 They have not agreed to it. 268 00:12:18.760 --> 00:12:24.160 And we see this show up in our relationships, especially depending on what, you know, and 269 00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:26.160 all dynamics of relationships. 270 00:12:26.160 --> 00:12:34.200 But especially, especially, especially in dating, in dating, which is in marriage, but 271 00:12:34.200 --> 00:12:35.200 it's there. 272 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:42.560 And so I want to talk about how, starting now, how a broken heart is actually the core 273 00:12:42.560 --> 00:12:45.520 of what leads to entitlement. 274 00:12:45.520 --> 00:12:52.000 The brokenness in our hearts and our wounds, we actually use entitlement as a way to cover 275 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:55.880 ourselves, to protect ourselves. 276 00:12:55.880 --> 00:13:04.280 And so past hurt, disappointments or rejection can create this unconscious belief that one, 277 00:13:04.280 --> 00:13:06.160 I don't know how many of us have not had this. 278 00:13:06.160 --> 00:13:08.200 I can say that I've had both. 279 00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:09.680 God owes me. 280 00:13:09.680 --> 00:13:12.600 Or two, he owes me. 281 00:13:12.680 --> 00:13:18.600 Or somebody owes you for what you've gone through. 282 00:13:18.600 --> 00:13:22.840 You owe me, right? 283 00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:30.800 And then it's not that you didn't have the pain, but we want to get to a place where 284 00:13:30.800 --> 00:13:40.080 we can acknowledge our pain without it letting, without it driving us to entitlement. 285 00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:41.080 So what does that sound like? 286 00:13:41.560 --> 00:13:43.040 That sounds like I'm different now. 287 00:13:43.040 --> 00:13:49.600 I can continue to heal and approach new connections with openness instead of unhealthy expectations. 288 00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:52.280 I am healed now. 289 00:13:52.280 --> 00:14:00.160 I can continue to grow and honor others without expecting unhealthy expectations. 290 00:14:00.160 --> 00:14:04.680 Are we, are we all together on this? 291 00:14:04.680 --> 00:14:05.680 Yeah. 292 00:14:05.680 --> 00:14:06.680 Good. 293 00:14:06.680 --> 00:14:07.680 All right. 294 00:14:07.680 --> 00:14:11.520 What are some common ways that entitlement shows up in dating? 295 00:14:11.520 --> 00:14:12.520 Expecting reciprocal interests. 296 00:14:12.520 --> 00:14:13.520 I gave him an example. 297 00:14:13.520 --> 00:14:14.520 I like him, so he should like me back. 298 00:14:14.520 --> 00:14:15.520 I mean, I called him twice. 299 00:14:15.520 --> 00:14:16.520 He could call me back. 300 00:14:16.520 --> 00:14:29.120 I sent a text this morning and, and I responded to one of his texts, he still haven't called 301 00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:30.120 yet. 302 00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:37.640 Now remember, we're not talking about, we're not, don't let this go well. 303 00:14:38.600 --> 00:14:39.600 So what's the rule for that? 304 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:40.600 That's not what this is about. 305 00:14:40.600 --> 00:14:45.080 This is what has happened internally inside of you, the expectation that someone should 306 00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:51.880 give something to you that they have not consented to. 307 00:14:51.880 --> 00:14:59.440 And so entitlement kind of says, because I did it, you should, and you better, right? 308 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.160 Oh, you should pay for my meal. 309 00:15:04.160 --> 00:15:06.400 I'm the queen, I'm the woman, 310 00:15:06.400 --> 00:15:08.540 you should pay for my meal. 311 00:15:08.540 --> 00:15:10.660 Now, this is not about, 312 00:15:10.660 --> 00:15:14.120 is it masculine for a man to pay for a lady's meal? 313 00:15:14.120 --> 00:15:15.600 That's not what this is about. 314 00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:17.920 This is about the expectation that 315 00:15:17.920 --> 00:15:20.400 somebody should do something for you. 316 00:15:20.400 --> 00:15:23.360 I am not, this is no way a hit on, 317 00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:26.640 if a man, when he's masculine, 318 00:15:27.040 --> 00:15:30.280 is there a level of thought that a man 319 00:15:30.280 --> 00:15:31.880 should pay for your meal? 320 00:15:31.880 --> 00:15:33.600 Should is not the best word, 321 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.360 but it would be kind and honorable 322 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:37.000 of him to pay for your meal. 323 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:38.760 That's what masculine men do. 324 00:15:38.760 --> 00:15:41.400 See, that is a reframing of the word 325 00:15:41.400 --> 00:15:43.940 instead of saying what you should do for me. 326 00:15:45.920 --> 00:15:47.640 He should talk to me. 327 00:15:47.640 --> 00:15:49.320 He should DM me first. 328 00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:51.160 He should reach out to me first. 329 00:15:51.160 --> 00:15:52.840 I'm not gonna reach out to him first. 330 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:55.200 This is what someone should do for me. 331 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:59.420 And your reason for being for you is just cause it's me. 332 00:16:03.800 --> 00:16:07.000 So I hope that you're tracking with me. 333 00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:10.280 Or I share my feelings with this person 334 00:16:10.280 --> 00:16:12.200 so they owe me a response. 335 00:16:14.360 --> 00:16:17.160 And we can know that we kind of believe 336 00:16:17.160 --> 00:16:19.280 that in the core of our belief system, 337 00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:21.360 if someone shares their feelings with us 338 00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:24.160 and we feel like we have to give them our feelings back. 339 00:16:25.680 --> 00:16:27.400 So maybe you say, I ain't never thought that. 340 00:16:27.400 --> 00:16:29.160 If I share, I just share what I wanna share. 341 00:16:29.160 --> 00:16:31.560 But if they share and you feel this inclination 342 00:16:31.560 --> 00:16:33.880 that I have to give something back, 343 00:16:35.080 --> 00:16:37.340 that goes against your own free will 344 00:16:37.340 --> 00:16:40.000 to make a decision when you wanna share something 345 00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:43.800 and when you wanna open up. 346 00:16:43.800 --> 00:16:45.960 And the reason why you feel a tug on it 347 00:16:45.960 --> 00:16:49.140 because it is going against your own order. 348 00:16:50.560 --> 00:16:53.040 But you feel this tug because it's like, 349 00:16:53.040 --> 00:16:55.440 well, if you give something, I have to give something. 350 00:16:57.480 --> 00:17:00.780 And that's just not the case in that way. 351 00:17:01.680 --> 00:17:04.200 There's this time invested entitlement too. 352 00:17:04.200 --> 00:17:05.839 So this is around dating, 353 00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:07.900 but we can come up with a lot of other examples, 354 00:17:07.900 --> 00:17:10.040 but you can apply it across the board. 355 00:17:10.040 --> 00:17:12.359 We've been dating X amount of weeks or months, 356 00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:13.319 he should commit. 357 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:17.400 Now, we already know that you're in a coaching program 358 00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:19.920 and you've already been given really great wisdom 359 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:23.560 on how to pace for healthy connections 360 00:17:23.560 --> 00:17:25.880 and long lasting connections. 361 00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:28.480 There is a pace that has to happen. 362 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:31.440 But sometimes we say, well, 363 00:17:31.440 --> 00:17:32.760 I don't wanna say that I love him 364 00:17:32.760 --> 00:17:34.400 and then he don't say it back. 365 00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:35.500 I'm gonna feel bad. 366 00:17:37.920 --> 00:17:39.880 I don't wanna say how I feel 367 00:17:39.880 --> 00:17:41.000 because then they don't say it back. 368 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:43.160 It's gonna really hurt. 369 00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:47.640 Now, I understand that that is your thought process, 370 00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:50.440 but the expectation that because you feel a certain way, 371 00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:52.800 somebody else should feel the same way in return 372 00:17:52.800 --> 00:17:54.620 does not serve you best. 373 00:17:55.540 --> 00:17:56.560 And then again, 374 00:17:56.560 --> 00:17:59.400 that's rooted in a sense of entitlement, right? 375 00:17:59.400 --> 00:18:00.580 I do, you do. 376 00:18:01.520 --> 00:18:04.060 But when you take someone else's free will away, 377 00:18:04.060 --> 00:18:06.480 you also strip you of your own free will 378 00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:08.080 because you do not apply to others 379 00:18:08.080 --> 00:18:09.920 what you do not apply to yourself. 380 00:18:13.600 --> 00:18:16.440 And so an option is I can share how I feel 381 00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:17.980 because this is how I feel, 382 00:18:17.980 --> 00:18:19.640 whether they reciprocated or not, 383 00:18:19.640 --> 00:18:22.360 because how I feel is not based on their reciprocation 384 00:18:22.360 --> 00:18:23.600 of how I feel. 385 00:18:23.600 --> 00:18:25.100 This is true to me. 386 00:18:26.760 --> 00:18:27.600 So, 387 00:18:30.120 --> 00:18:32.720 does it also include being fair and obligation? 388 00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:34.840 Deidre, I don't know what exactly what you're referring to, 389 00:18:34.840 --> 00:18:36.160 but I will follow up with you 390 00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:39.520 to give me a little more clarity on that question. 391 00:18:40.600 --> 00:18:41.440 Okay. 392 00:18:42.920 --> 00:18:44.800 And the emotional labor expectations, 393 00:18:44.800 --> 00:18:47.340 expecting someone to heal or grow at your pace. 394 00:18:47.340 --> 00:18:49.020 Now, that's a big deal. 395 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:52.280 Many of you know my story, 396 00:18:52.280 --> 00:18:54.480 I've been married and divorced, 397 00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:55.960 and this is a real thing. 398 00:18:55.960 --> 00:18:57.560 You see it a lot in marriages, 399 00:18:57.560 --> 00:18:58.480 it's in relationships, 400 00:18:58.480 --> 00:18:59.660 but people just keep going. 401 00:18:59.660 --> 00:19:02.480 They don't know how unhealthy it is. 402 00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:03.920 Out of a scarcity mindset, 403 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:05.920 you make you someone to keep them around, 404 00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:07.960 but you know they really need to grow. 405 00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:09.400 And so you say, that's okay, 406 00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:10.400 I'll help them grow. 407 00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:12.280 And you don't realize 408 00:19:12.280 --> 00:19:14.760 that they're not gonna grow on your timetable. 409 00:19:15.600 --> 00:19:16.960 They're not gonna heal on your timetable. 410 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:18.520 And so you get involved with them 411 00:19:18.520 --> 00:19:20.200 and you keep telling them what they should be, 412 00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:21.160 who they should be, 413 00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:22.920 how they should be. 414 00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:24.840 Because of this, 415 00:19:24.840 --> 00:19:26.200 this is what you believe. 416 00:19:26.200 --> 00:19:28.240 You expect they should grow at a certain pace, 417 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:30.620 but that's not people. 418 00:19:30.620 --> 00:19:32.120 That's not you. 419 00:19:32.120 --> 00:19:33.300 The only way is you, 420 00:19:33.300 --> 00:19:35.280 if you haven't gone through a real healing 421 00:19:35.280 --> 00:19:36.840 and growth process. 422 00:19:36.840 --> 00:19:39.640 Because if you ever go through a real healing process, 423 00:19:39.640 --> 00:19:40.800 a real growth process, 424 00:19:40.800 --> 00:19:43.920 it brings a level of self-awareness to your life, 425 00:19:43.920 --> 00:19:47.520 that it is worth its weight in gold. 426 00:19:47.520 --> 00:19:50.240 And you find that you become more gentle, 427 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:51.280 more graceful, 428 00:19:51.280 --> 00:19:52.440 more forgiving, 429 00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:53.520 more loving. 430 00:19:53.520 --> 00:19:55.960 You bend more towards people 431 00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:57.940 and you say, I understand. 432 00:19:57.940 --> 00:19:59.840 You also understand enough to know 433 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.760 They have to go and where you can't go with them. 434 00:20:04.760 --> 00:20:08.360 You see people for where they are without judging them. 435 00:20:08.360 --> 00:20:10.120 And say, that's where you are. 436 00:20:10.120 --> 00:20:11.720 I understand. 437 00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:14.000 I can't let that be my starting place 438 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:16.080 because I know it's uphill journey for him 439 00:20:16.080 --> 00:20:18.960 because I've been there before. 440 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:21.240 I've been there before and I know how far we got to go 441 00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:23.200 and I'm not willing to take the ride with you. 442 00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:29.000 One other thing what happens is sometimes we forget 443 00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:32.280 and we've all said this, and this is not a you thing, 444 00:20:32.280 --> 00:20:33.520 this is a we thing. 445 00:20:33.520 --> 00:20:34.840 And I wanna keep saying we 446 00:20:34.840 --> 00:20:37.820 so that you don't ever feel any shame or embarrassment 447 00:20:37.820 --> 00:20:41.780 because all of us, unless you exclude yourself, it's fine, 448 00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:47.240 have entitlement of some sense. 449 00:20:47.240 --> 00:20:49.280 Whether culture played it into our life 450 00:20:49.280 --> 00:20:51.560 or whether it came through our family dynamics, 451 00:20:51.560 --> 00:20:54.480 there's just this level of expectation sometimes we have 452 00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:57.360 based on our dreams, our hopes and our wishes. 453 00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:59.800 And so I'm gonna continue to keep saying we 454 00:20:59.800 --> 00:21:01.840 because I want you to find yourself 455 00:21:01.840 --> 00:21:03.840 in this teaching on tonight 456 00:21:03.840 --> 00:21:07.160 so that you can go from entitlement to empowerment. 457 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:09.080 I just wanna add this as we keep going, 458 00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:12.440 that's the reason why I love this faith so much. 459 00:21:12.440 --> 00:21:16.080 I went from entitlement and unforgiveness 460 00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:18.920 and not showing any grace and about what I want, 461 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:20.880 I want, I want, and you need to be, be, be, be, be, 462 00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:23.840 be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, 463 00:21:23.840 --> 00:21:26.640 for me and for ministry. 464 00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:30.920 Because it's a God thing that I didn't see people, 465 00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:33.360 I didn't see men, I only saw myself 466 00:21:33.360 --> 00:21:35.640 and I want a replica of myself. 467 00:21:35.640 --> 00:21:38.920 And I had to find out that God was not like me. 468 00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:41.480 And as I broke down through those things 469 00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:43.400 that were very unhealthy, 470 00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:46.620 I came out to be a more empowered person for it. 471 00:21:47.600 --> 00:21:49.800 And in applying these teachings 472 00:21:49.800 --> 00:21:51.880 when you can find yourself, honestly, 473 00:21:51.880 --> 00:21:54.520 you really will go in just that bit of a moment 474 00:21:54.560 --> 00:21:56.520 from entitlement to empowerment. 475 00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:01.040 And an empowered woman is a woman to be reckoned with. 476 00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:04.720 She is an amazing woman. 477 00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:07.240 She's not intimidated when a man comes along 478 00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:10.640 who does not meet up to the place that where she is, 479 00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:13.880 she simply tosses him back in love and grace. 480 00:22:13.880 --> 00:22:15.240 She doesn't think it's about her, 481 00:22:15.240 --> 00:22:18.220 she understands that everybody's not in the same place. 482 00:22:19.720 --> 00:22:23.400 She doesn't get offended, maybe a sting, 483 00:22:23.400 --> 00:22:24.920 when some people show up a certain way 484 00:22:24.920 --> 00:22:28.000 because you can see that that's just where they are. 485 00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:29.640 And I can leave you where you are, 486 00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:32.640 I don't have to take you with me, okay? 487 00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:34.760 And so communication style demands, 488 00:22:34.760 --> 00:22:37.320 we'll find entitlement hiding in these places. 489 00:22:37.320 --> 00:22:39.480 He should know how to communicate better. 490 00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:42.720 He should just know what to say. 491 00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:51.640 I never had that happen before, I'm back. 492 00:22:52.600 --> 00:22:56.060 Or if he cared, he texts more or differently. 493 00:22:59.280 --> 00:23:01.360 Relationship timeline expectations, 494 00:23:01.360 --> 00:23:03.280 believing there's a right pace 495 00:23:03.280 --> 00:23:07.000 and others should match yours or past hurt compensation, 496 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:10.200 which I was the, like you could have put the cuffs on me 497 00:23:10.200 --> 00:23:11.600 and I thought I wasn't that person. 498 00:23:11.600 --> 00:23:12.720 Well, we're not gonna put the cuffs on me, 499 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:14.280 I'm being mindful of my words. 500 00:23:14.280 --> 00:23:17.660 But I was very, I can say, ouch, 501 00:23:17.660 --> 00:23:19.700 you would have stepped on my toe with this one. 502 00:23:19.700 --> 00:23:23.260 Expecting someone new to repair old wounds. 503 00:23:23.260 --> 00:23:24.660 And that's a sneaky thing 504 00:23:24.660 --> 00:23:27.220 because I thought I was not that woman. 505 00:23:27.220 --> 00:23:28.980 I really thought I wasn't. 506 00:23:28.980 --> 00:23:31.940 But when a person started to get closer to my heart, 507 00:23:31.940 --> 00:23:33.660 it would all come out. 508 00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:35.500 I wasn't like that when we first started talking 509 00:23:35.500 --> 00:23:37.460 because I didn't have nothing to lose. 510 00:23:37.460 --> 00:23:39.580 But the close, and that's why dating is so, 511 00:23:39.580 --> 00:23:41.180 it sharpens you in a way. 512 00:23:41.180 --> 00:23:43.060 The closer they got to my heart, 513 00:23:43.060 --> 00:23:46.740 they begin to have to pay for what somebody else did. 514 00:23:46.740 --> 00:23:47.980 And so in my head, 515 00:23:47.980 --> 00:23:49.980 even if I kept it under wraps for a little while, 516 00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:52.340 I questioned what they said and what they did. 517 00:23:53.660 --> 00:23:57.580 Like, oh, it's 9.30, you put me on hold for 30 minutes? 518 00:23:57.580 --> 00:23:58.740 And you said you didn't know who it was 519 00:23:58.740 --> 00:24:00.820 when you clicked, when you put me on hold? 520 00:24:00.820 --> 00:24:03.380 How you don't know who called your phone at 9.30 at night? 521 00:24:03.380 --> 00:24:04.580 I'll keep a record. 522 00:24:04.580 --> 00:24:05.420 Ching, ching. 523 00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:07.780 And then if it happens again, 524 00:24:07.780 --> 00:24:10.940 like I'm intentionally keeping record of what you're doing. 525 00:24:10.940 --> 00:24:13.580 And so I am waiting for it to happen again 526 00:24:13.580 --> 00:24:15.940 because, mm-hmm, I'll see. 527 00:24:15.940 --> 00:24:19.460 But don't you know that that's me making this person pay 528 00:24:19.460 --> 00:24:21.340 for what somebody else did? 529 00:24:21.340 --> 00:24:22.780 Someone else broke my trust. 530 00:24:22.780 --> 00:24:24.260 Someone else betrayed me. 531 00:24:24.260 --> 00:24:26.220 So I'm not taking this person at their word 532 00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:27.060 because they're gonna have, 533 00:24:27.060 --> 00:24:29.300 they're paying for what someone else did. 534 00:24:30.900 --> 00:24:32.720 And so now they get questioned. 535 00:24:34.940 --> 00:24:37.220 And it'd be like, I'd be like, oh, okay. 536 00:24:37.220 --> 00:24:39.300 You didn't know who was calling you this time of night? 537 00:24:39.300 --> 00:24:42.060 Mm, at 9.30, mm, okay. 538 00:24:42.060 --> 00:24:43.340 Next time something happens. 539 00:24:43.340 --> 00:24:45.420 And so little things like that, 540 00:24:46.380 --> 00:24:49.060 I would do that in different way, 541 00:24:49.060 --> 00:24:50.780 oh, all kind of ways. 542 00:24:50.780 --> 00:24:54.180 And my driving force was the last one got me, 543 00:24:54.180 --> 00:24:55.360 but you won't get me. 544 00:24:56.280 --> 00:24:58.100 Oh, you won't bamboo for me. 545 00:24:58.100 --> 00:24:59.620 You won't get one over on me. 546 00:24:59.620 --> 00:25:00.460 You won't. 547 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.080 treat me, I'm going to protect myself. 548 00:25:02.080 --> 00:25:04.240 And I'm going to keep record of everything you do. 549 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:05.840 So when it happens again, I'll know. 550 00:25:05.840 --> 00:25:07.640 But I was guarding myself. 551 00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.400 I was withholding myself. 552 00:25:09.400 --> 00:25:11.600 And I was doing it to that person 553 00:25:11.600 --> 00:25:13.400 that I was getting to know. 554 00:25:13.400 --> 00:25:16.600 And they didn't even do anything. 555 00:25:16.600 --> 00:25:19.640 And now they have to literally fight 556 00:25:19.640 --> 00:25:22.800 with somebody who already believes they're guilty. 557 00:25:22.800 --> 00:25:24.120 Because what we don't know, we've 558 00:25:24.120 --> 00:25:27.000 already deemed them guilty. 559 00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:28.600 So they're trying to prove themselves 560 00:25:28.600 --> 00:25:31.680 to somebody who already decided they were guilty because 561 00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:32.840 of what someone else did. 562 00:25:32.840 --> 00:25:34.640 And what these poor men don't even know, 563 00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:38.320 it's probably almost impossible for them to redeem themselves. 564 00:25:38.320 --> 00:25:40.240 Because they're only a level to a place 565 00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:42.120 that a person can please you. 566 00:25:42.120 --> 00:25:44.040 Even in pleasing you, they can't go in 567 00:25:44.040 --> 00:25:46.040 and heal the wounds of your heart. 568 00:25:46.040 --> 00:25:48.400 So they will have to be perfect 24-7 569 00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:50.240 to keep proving something to you. 570 00:25:50.240 --> 00:25:56.600 But they will never prove it to you because you have a wound. 571 00:25:56.600 --> 00:26:00.280 Wounds don't heal from somebody proving something to you. 572 00:26:00.280 --> 00:26:02.440 Because the same way they prove one thing to you, 573 00:26:02.440 --> 00:26:04.080 they're going to show you something else 574 00:26:04.080 --> 00:26:05.880 because they're human. 575 00:26:05.880 --> 00:26:08.440 And then you tie your hands and your ability 576 00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:11.080 to be able to forgive them freely because you're 577 00:26:11.080 --> 00:26:14.280 holding them to your own wounds. 578 00:26:14.280 --> 00:26:17.480 And so we can find that expectation somewhere in us. 579 00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:19.320 And you just wait till a person starts getting 580 00:26:19.320 --> 00:26:20.280 a little close enough. 581 00:26:20.280 --> 00:26:22.680 Or you start investing a little more time 582 00:26:22.680 --> 00:26:23.960 where it's not that big a deal. 583 00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:26.920 That's why you hold back so much. 584 00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:28.880 You hold back some things. 585 00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:30.080 Because you don't know. 586 00:26:30.080 --> 00:26:30.960 I don't know. 587 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:31.840 I don't know. 588 00:26:31.840 --> 00:26:32.400 I don't know. 589 00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:34.000 I don't know. 590 00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:35.800 Whatever your I don't know could be, 591 00:26:35.800 --> 00:26:37.600 there's that I don't know that's happening. 592 00:26:37.600 --> 00:26:41.080 And we can always take time and investigate those things. 593 00:26:41.080 --> 00:26:47.760 So how do we shift from entitlement to empowerment? 594 00:26:47.760 --> 00:26:50.320 First, we want to recognize the pattern. 595 00:26:50.320 --> 00:26:52.840 Notice the he shoulds or I deserve thoughts 596 00:26:52.840 --> 00:26:54.800 is a red flag. 597 00:26:54.800 --> 00:26:57.960 So type in the comments what you guys 598 00:26:57.960 --> 00:27:00.920 believe a man should do for you. 599 00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:03.120 And when you type what he should do for you, 600 00:27:03.120 --> 00:27:05.640 also put in there why he should do that for you. 601 00:27:08.520 --> 00:27:11.000 What he should do and why. 602 00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:11.680 Go for it. 603 00:27:21.320 --> 00:27:25.760 He said, I look five years older. 604 00:27:25.760 --> 00:27:30.760 Let me shift the camera this way so I can read from the. 605 00:27:30.760 --> 00:27:32.880 Have self-control except to protect me. 606 00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:35.760 He should have self-control except to protect you. 607 00:27:35.760 --> 00:27:38.400 And what does he need to protect you from? 608 00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:39.160 Open doors. 609 00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:40.360 I want to feel like a prince. 610 00:27:40.360 --> 00:27:41.760 He should open doors for you. 611 00:27:41.760 --> 00:27:44.480 Why do you want to feel like a princess, Nadine? 612 00:27:44.480 --> 00:27:49.040 And why is it important that he makes you feel like a princess? 613 00:27:49.040 --> 00:27:51.360 So why is it important he makes you feel like a princess? 614 00:27:54.040 --> 00:27:56.440 Have self-control except to protect me. 615 00:27:56.440 --> 00:27:58.040 Makayla, what is he protecting you from 616 00:27:58.040 --> 00:27:59.720 and why does he have to protect you? 617 00:27:59.720 --> 00:28:01.960 Text me good morning, good night, just to check in. 618 00:28:01.960 --> 00:28:04.520 Leave with biblical grace is what the Bible says. 619 00:28:04.520 --> 00:28:05.960 Text you good morning, good night. 620 00:28:05.960 --> 00:28:07.320 The Bible says that. 621 00:28:07.320 --> 00:28:08.000 Oh, I already. 622 00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:10.680 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 623 00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:12.640 See, I knew I did that wrong because I'm also 624 00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.400 writing notes multiple times just to check in. 625 00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:16.480 And you want to know what? 626 00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:18.800 I realized myself that's stupid. 627 00:28:18.800 --> 00:28:19.960 That's ridiculous. 628 00:28:19.960 --> 00:28:22.640 I literally was praying about that today at 2 PM 629 00:28:22.640 --> 00:28:25.120 and I was like, OK, but I don't do that. 630 00:28:25.120 --> 00:28:27.920 So why am I expecting someone else to do that for me? 631 00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:29.720 I was in my devo. 632 00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:33.560 And God was just like, ha, got you. 633 00:28:33.560 --> 00:28:36.440 That's so good. 634 00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:38.280 I don't expect anything from anyone. 635 00:28:38.280 --> 00:28:42.320 Then why don't you expect anything from anyone? 636 00:28:42.320 --> 00:28:44.400 Is it because you may get let down 637 00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:46.840 if you have a level of expectation? 638 00:28:46.840 --> 00:28:47.800 Yeah. 639 00:28:47.800 --> 00:28:49.840 So then that's the opposite. 640 00:28:49.840 --> 00:28:51.120 You don't expect anything. 641 00:28:51.120 --> 00:28:54.160 And that also robs you of a really great experience. 642 00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:55.400 And so we don't have to put. 643 00:28:55.400 --> 00:28:57.080 There are certain things as expectation. 644 00:28:57.080 --> 00:28:59.440 There are things as unreasonable expectations 645 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:02.960 or selfish expectations or entitled expectations. 646 00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:05.360 Plan dates in a timely manner. 647 00:29:05.360 --> 00:29:08.640 Why should they plan dates in a timely manner? 648 00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:11.200 I have a friend that every time I say what you should do, 649 00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:13.400 she says, should is a shaming word, Ebony. 650 00:29:13.400 --> 00:29:15.280 And I'm sorry that I'm turning different ways 651 00:29:15.280 --> 00:29:16.680 because I had to move my camera to the side 652 00:29:16.680 --> 00:29:17.760 so I can look at the thing. 653 00:29:17.760 --> 00:29:18.800 She said, should. 654 00:29:18.800 --> 00:29:20.480 Ebony, should is a shaming word. 655 00:29:20.480 --> 00:29:22.240 I said, well, you should read your Bible. 656 00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:25.240 And I'm saying, is that shaming? 657 00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:26.160 No. 658 00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:28.520 Should pay for meals because he's the man. 659 00:29:28.520 --> 00:29:29.720 OK. 660 00:29:29.720 --> 00:29:30.840 Respect my values. 661 00:29:30.840 --> 00:29:32.240 They are important to me. 662 00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:32.920 All right. 663 00:29:32.920 --> 00:29:34.200 He should do that. 664 00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:36.840 Pursue me and date him because it's a man's job 665 00:29:36.840 --> 00:29:39.680 to lead this woman he does not know. 666 00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:43.120 Also, I have pursued Chase Gazza for an indie ballet. 667 00:29:43.120 --> 00:29:44.560 And I did feel good doing this. 668 00:29:44.560 --> 00:29:46.480 I felt insecure when pursuing. 669 00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:51.520 He should check in throughout the day because I want to know. 670 00:29:51.520 --> 00:29:53.560 I'm sorry, Stephanie, is this serious? 671 00:29:57.680 --> 00:29:59.240 I don't want to be like laughing. 672 00:29:59.240 --> 00:30:00.800 No. 673 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.920 not like not like it shows interest right so like in early in early talking and it you know 674 00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:13.680 it shows interest like you're thinking of me so i'm on your mind not like all day every day i 675 00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:18.800 couldn't handle that that's what i meant and i just said it wrong sorry to cut you off but that's 676 00:30:18.800 --> 00:30:24.640 what i meant and i just couldn't get the words for it okay good he should respect my articulated 677 00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:30.400 boundaries because that tells me if he listens or respects my needs that is a solid heather a man 678 00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:34.400 should reach out to me first on dating apps because it shows he's truly interested usually 679 00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:41.680 when i reach out first the person turns out not to be intentional okay i'm thinking i'm not sure 680 00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:47.200 gotcha um i want someone who has masculine energy i want to make me i want them to make me feel 681 00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:55.040 womanly i plan dates make me feel um playing dates make me feel important pursue me and date 682 00:30:55.040 --> 00:31:00.320 and show my worth which i know is not reasonable but i don't know and i don't know she literally 683 00:31:00.320 --> 00:31:05.040 put laugh out loud so i'm laughing out loud too i'm being the most also i know this is my root 684 00:31:05.040 --> 00:31:09.520 cause of feeling the most know how to connect with me and talk to me and automatically know 685 00:31:09.520 --> 00:31:14.640 what it is that i want because i didn't realize i needed to communicate that that is so good 686 00:31:15.600 --> 00:31:21.520 y'all this is so good and raw i like it i guess i want a guy to not be pushing 687 00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:24.320 with me or push himself on me to respect my boundaries 688 00:31:29.040 --> 00:31:32.800 that he sees me that i'm worth his time at the moment because if i'm a child of god 689 00:31:32.800 --> 00:31:38.800 the way i will honor him okay he should respect boundaries to communicate his own because that 690 00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:45.120 help you grow a relationship when we get closer yeah um wow have not seriously dated since the 691 00:31:45.120 --> 00:31:50.160 90s i don't even know if i have any expectations i know right see if he immediately starts checking 692 00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:54.640 on me too much my avoidant tendencies panic and feel smothered waking up to a text from someone 693 00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:59.840 i just met every morning makes me itch it's important for me that he respects my commitment 694 00:31:59.840 --> 00:32:04.000 to wait until marriage and that he's kind and doesn't laugh and mock me other than that i 695 00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:08.240 have no real shoes i will wait to see how he behaves people will show you who they are then 696 00:32:08.240 --> 00:32:13.920 i can respond to that good compliments words of affirmation because it's my love language 697 00:32:14.560 --> 00:32:20.560 be honest up front someone who leads in god i've done so much work and through god god is the og 698 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:27.440 i want someone who loves me as much as i do now those are all really good so i want you to think 699 00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:32.640 about those things that you've listed and then think about how many of those things are your 700 00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:38.400 responsibility and so i'm talking about stuff like make me feel like a woman make me feel 701 00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:44.240 feminine make me feel like when does somebody else's responsibility come to make you feel like 702 00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:53.360 something how does that become someone else's responsibility just like let that sinking in 703 00:32:53.360 --> 00:33:01.760 because when we go from entitlement to empowerment we show up as a woman that we are 704 00:33:02.480 --> 00:33:04.960 not like a woman as the woman we are 705 00:33:07.760 --> 00:33:13.040 we show up as a princess it's a daddy's job to make a girl feel like a princess 706 00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:17.680 it's not a man's job it's not your husband's job 707 00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:22.480 when a man shows up to the table with a woman he knows it 708 00:33:25.600 --> 00:33:29.280 and she's not intimidated by his shenanigans because she is a woman 709 00:33:31.520 --> 00:33:38.320 he can't treat her any type of way he can only show who he is but that does not mean 710 00:33:38.320 --> 00:33:43.280 that he is treating me that way because i reject it because i'm woman 711 00:33:43.520 --> 00:33:49.200 so when we move from with this requirement uh to and you can see it through the comments if you 712 00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:55.840 just look at the string of them or i believe if even if we say um i think i can't remember exactly 713 00:33:55.840 --> 00:34:01.120 who said but a couple of people said he should reach out to me first he should pursue me because 714 00:34:01.120 --> 00:34:07.040 now let's hear the because because when i've done it in the past it came back on me okay so that's 715 00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:13.600 the rule but that doesn't make him should have to pursue you because pursuit is a word that's 716 00:34:13.600 --> 00:34:17.440 to be defined and it can be used a lot of different ways because a man 717 00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:20.400 reaches out to you on social media it's not him pursuing you 718 00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:27.520 or because he he reaches out to you first it's not him pursuing you it's him showing interest 719 00:34:27.520 --> 00:34:31.280 just like if you said something to them first is you showing interest 720 00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:36.719 that's all it is but once you come into level one of getting to know each other it's called 721 00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:44.639 reciprocation and so if we have reached out to someone in the past and they did not reciprocate 722 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:48.719 back in return that spoke to us at the moment we saw that there was not reciprocation 723 00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:54.800 then we said oh they're not interested and so whatever happened in your past where you 724 00:34:54.800 --> 00:34:59.600 did not reciprocate back in return that spoke to us at the moment we saw that there was not reciprocation 725 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.080 to continue to pursue someone, it actually 726 00:35:03.080 --> 00:35:05.720 has to do with something of worth, your worth. 727 00:35:05.720 --> 00:35:07.920 Something happened on the inside of you 728 00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:09.720 that allowed you to keep pursuing someone, 729 00:35:09.720 --> 00:35:11.300 if that's the word we're going to use, 730 00:35:11.300 --> 00:35:13.640 that did not reciprocate the same thing back to you. 731 00:35:13.640 --> 00:35:16.600 But it does not put a requirement on the next man 732 00:35:16.600 --> 00:35:19.360 that he should pursue you. 733 00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:22.240 Pursuit is not even the correct word 734 00:35:22.240 --> 00:35:25.400 when we're talking about reaching out. 735 00:35:26.040 --> 00:35:31.080 Showing interest in pursuit are two different things. 736 00:35:31.080 --> 00:35:35.440 If you qualify a man showing interest in you as pursuit, 737 00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:36.680 that's not well. 738 00:35:36.680 --> 00:35:38.960 Yes, initiation is better, but he still 739 00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:42.360 doesn't owe you initiation. 740 00:35:42.360 --> 00:35:44.720 OK, now I'm going to be real with you. 741 00:35:44.720 --> 00:35:47.560 Now, you can have your mind set on a thing, 742 00:35:47.560 --> 00:35:49.720 but I'm talking about looking at the core of what 743 00:35:49.720 --> 00:35:52.440 you're operating out of. 744 00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:54.160 It's important that you see the core 745 00:35:54.160 --> 00:35:58.280 of your operational system, because I guarantee you 746 00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:02.120 probably, most times, if this is your core operation, 747 00:36:02.120 --> 00:36:06.160 it shows up in other areas, too, about what someone should do. 748 00:36:06.160 --> 00:36:08.960 Jackie posted on her social media 749 00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:15.560 that initiating dating is a two-person's responsibility. 750 00:36:15.560 --> 00:36:21.080 Getting to know each other is a two-person's responsibility. 751 00:36:21.080 --> 00:36:25.000 And it is a two-person responsibility. 752 00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:27.760 But most of the times, we, and I want 753 00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:29.280 to just hang out there for a moment, 754 00:36:29.280 --> 00:36:30.720 because it's not just the two or three people that say it. 755 00:36:30.720 --> 00:36:31.920 Like, we say it all the time. 756 00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:33.520 I was also my belief system. 757 00:36:33.520 --> 00:36:35.440 How about we just say that? 758 00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:37.960 But thank God for last year's single, all right? 759 00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:39.320 When I joined the program, I was married 760 00:36:39.320 --> 00:36:40.960 in 12 months or less. 761 00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:43.360 Thank God for the program that helped me see. 762 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:45.520 So if, let me look at the clock. 763 00:36:45.520 --> 00:36:49.960 OK, so if I forgot what I was about to say, 764 00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:53.880 I don't know something about pursuit. 765 00:36:53.880 --> 00:36:58.400 Yeah, so let's just look at the core of our operational system. 766 00:36:58.400 --> 00:37:03.760 And yeah, and that's how you kind of weave through that 767 00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:04.800 thing. 768 00:37:04.800 --> 00:37:08.360 And this is not to cause you to have to change your mind about 769 00:37:08.360 --> 00:37:08.840 it. 770 00:37:08.840 --> 00:37:11.080 You can still operate however you choose to operate. 771 00:37:11.080 --> 00:37:15.240 But I don't want you to operate without full knowledge 772 00:37:15.240 --> 00:37:17.720 of what you're operating out of. 773 00:37:17.720 --> 00:37:18.800 That's what it is. 774 00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:23.200 That's what empowers you when you really look at the core. 775 00:37:23.200 --> 00:37:26.240 OK, and so if you're interested in someone 776 00:37:26.240 --> 00:37:29.560 and you want to say, oh, most of the time, 777 00:37:29.560 --> 00:37:33.480 if you don't want to initiate something with the person, 778 00:37:33.480 --> 00:37:35.360 oftentimes it's fear of rejection. 779 00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:42.400 No one builds a should wall without something 780 00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:43.160 to hold it up. 781 00:37:46.720 --> 00:37:48.240 They should because they're a man. 782 00:37:48.240 --> 00:37:49.360 And what does that mean? 783 00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:54.200 What does it mean? 784 00:37:54.200 --> 00:37:54.920 Are they a person? 785 00:37:59.560 --> 00:38:01.680 You know, these people that we are 786 00:38:01.680 --> 00:38:03.840 getting to know in the dating for discovery 787 00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:05.760 are not auditioning to be our spouse. 788 00:38:09.560 --> 00:38:11.760 And you're going to have a lot of shoes 789 00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:13.720 that you think your spouse should do because you believe 790 00:38:13.720 --> 00:38:15.240 you're from watching your parents be married. 791 00:38:15.240 --> 00:38:16.400 You believe from watching TV. 792 00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:17.440 You believe from culture. 793 00:38:17.440 --> 00:38:19.400 You believe because you made it up in your mind. 794 00:38:19.400 --> 00:38:20.760 And it doesn't work like that. 795 00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:24.360 I remember one time I said, I said lobster. 796 00:38:24.360 --> 00:38:26.760 But I said this one thing that stood out to me. 797 00:38:26.760 --> 00:38:28.880 And I said to my ex-husband, I said, 798 00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:30.480 well, you should take out the trash 799 00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:32.920 because that's what a man do. 800 00:38:32.920 --> 00:38:34.520 Because he was like, why is the trash running? 801 00:38:34.520 --> 00:38:36.040 I'm like, well, you didn't take it out. 802 00:38:36.040 --> 00:38:37.800 It's like, well, I said, well, you should. 803 00:38:37.800 --> 00:38:40.160 He said, who told you that? 804 00:38:40.160 --> 00:38:42.640 And it was just like those words convicted me. 805 00:38:42.640 --> 00:38:44.480 I mean, I don't know, it just like froze me. 806 00:38:45.080 --> 00:38:49.800 Ebony, who told you that? 807 00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:54.480 When did I agree to be the garbage taker out? 808 00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:59.000 Why would you sit here and let the trash run over? 809 00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:01.320 But there are so many things I had in my mind 810 00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:03.200 about what he should do. 811 00:39:03.200 --> 00:39:05.400 I'm telling y'all, I had a little longing 812 00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:06.640 from here to New York. 813 00:39:06.640 --> 00:39:09.560 I had been planning for this husband for years. 814 00:39:09.560 --> 00:39:11.400 And when he comes, he's going to be dancing. 815 00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:12.800 We're going to go to the fireworks show together. 816 00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:14.000 When I found out he wasn't going to go 817 00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:16.080 to that fireworks show with me. 818 00:39:16.080 --> 00:39:19.800 And every year I had been believing when my husband come, 819 00:39:19.800 --> 00:39:23.120 we're going to go to the 4th of July fireworks show. 820 00:39:23.120 --> 00:39:24.800 And he didn't want to do the family things 821 00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:25.880 that I wanted to do. 822 00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:29.600 I was crushed, but I had all of these expectations. 823 00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:33.280 And I had created in my mind the man that I wanted. 824 00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:35.320 It didn't even matter what he showed me. 825 00:39:39.600 --> 00:39:40.440 What is this? 826 00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:42.040 A man should not be okay 827 00:39:42.040 --> 00:39:44.120 with seeing his wife take out the trash. 828 00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:47.440 That's an interesting thought. 829 00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:49.760 A woman shouldn't be okay sitting in her house 830 00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:51.120 and her trash is running over. 831 00:39:51.120 --> 00:39:54.560 And she walks by it, waiting for her husband to get home. 832 00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:56.160 Because that is her home 833 00:39:56.160 --> 00:39:58.880 and her responsibility to keep it clean also. 834 00:39:58.880 --> 00:40:00.040 And if that man will... 835 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.640 Yes, you'd be taking that trash out. 836 00:40:02.640 --> 00:40:04.880 Yeah, we take out our own trash now. 837 00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:07.860 I'm just saying, and so this man comes in from work, 838 00:40:07.860 --> 00:40:10.660 and he's like, why is the trash running over? 839 00:40:12.140 --> 00:40:12.980 Because it's like, you know, 840 00:40:12.980 --> 00:40:14.100 this is how we're keeping the home, 841 00:40:14.100 --> 00:40:15.580 like what is this about? 842 00:40:15.580 --> 00:40:17.180 You been here all day? 843 00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:21.160 And so me, you should take it out, 844 00:40:21.160 --> 00:40:22.360 or you should have did it. 845 00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:26.820 But anyway, so let's investigate all of our shoulds 846 00:40:26.820 --> 00:40:28.260 and where they come from. 847 00:40:29.080 --> 00:40:30.560 And let's change them. 848 00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:34.880 So, all right, let's think about shifting 849 00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:36.760 from entitlement to empowerment. 850 00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:38.540 We want to recognize the patterns. 851 00:40:38.540 --> 00:40:42.320 Instead of saying he should, or I deserve, 852 00:40:43.920 --> 00:40:45.320 because we had no choice. 853 00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:48.800 Well, instead of saying, notice he should or I deserve, 854 00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:51.480 those are red flags. 855 00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:53.580 Whenever you hear I should or I deserve. 856 00:40:54.580 --> 00:40:59.580 Whatever you deserve, you give it to yourself. 857 00:41:02.560 --> 00:41:04.360 And when people come into your life, 858 00:41:04.360 --> 00:41:06.540 they will honor you for who you are. 859 00:41:07.700 --> 00:41:10.660 They don't have a choice, it's who you are. 860 00:41:12.280 --> 00:41:13.920 The same way they run over you 861 00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:15.600 when you don't have boundaries, 862 00:41:15.600 --> 00:41:18.120 they honored you for who you are. 863 00:41:20.180 --> 00:41:22.080 That's how it works. 864 00:41:22.080 --> 00:41:23.420 Anybody that comes into your life, 865 00:41:24.260 --> 00:41:26.160 they come into the place where you are. 866 00:41:26.160 --> 00:41:27.640 Okay? 867 00:41:27.640 --> 00:41:30.040 Separate investments from outcomes. 868 00:41:30.040 --> 00:41:32.680 So your time, your energy, and feelings are gifts, 869 00:41:32.680 --> 00:41:34.060 not invoices. 870 00:41:37.240 --> 00:41:40.120 Your time, your energy, and your feelings 871 00:41:40.120 --> 00:41:42.320 are gifts to the people you meet. 872 00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:44.280 It's not an invoice. 873 00:41:44.280 --> 00:41:45.400 I did ABCD. 874 00:41:45.400 --> 00:41:47.640 Y'all ever been around somebody who does that? 875 00:41:47.640 --> 00:41:49.700 I did ABCD, so you should. 876 00:41:50.640 --> 00:41:53.760 Oh, you don't remember when I did this for you? 877 00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:54.840 And you think to yourself, 878 00:41:54.840 --> 00:41:57.140 I thought you did that because you wanted to. 879 00:41:59.880 --> 00:42:00.720 And so, 880 00:42:04.400 --> 00:42:06.920 so let's think about this. 881 00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:09.840 Dating is an opportunity for growth, 882 00:42:09.840 --> 00:42:11.840 not something you're owed. 883 00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:16.840 Not something you're owed. 884 00:42:17.780 --> 00:42:20.440 And I also want you guys to think about this. 885 00:42:21.980 --> 00:42:24.740 What if they, a man, came into your life, 886 00:42:24.740 --> 00:42:26.220 or somebody, any type of relation, 887 00:42:26.220 --> 00:42:27.860 and they demanded the things of you 888 00:42:27.860 --> 00:42:29.260 that you demanded of them? 889 00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:33.580 So let's do a little role play. 890 00:42:33.580 --> 00:42:35.600 Denise, can you take your microphone out? 891 00:42:35.600 --> 00:42:36.660 Let's see if it done. 892 00:42:39.540 --> 00:42:41.060 Oh no, I'm in trouble. 893 00:42:41.060 --> 00:42:41.900 Okay. 894 00:42:41.900 --> 00:42:43.580 Let's try this. 895 00:42:43.580 --> 00:42:44.780 We're getting to know each other. 896 00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:47.520 I reach out, and then I say to you, 897 00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:51.160 no, I'm the man, and I say to you, 898 00:42:51.160 --> 00:42:53.320 well, Denise, well, since it's our first time 899 00:42:53.320 --> 00:42:54.160 getting to know each other, 900 00:42:54.160 --> 00:42:56.000 I think you should pay for my dinner. 901 00:42:58.240 --> 00:43:00.080 I don't think so. 902 00:43:00.080 --> 00:43:01.320 We agree to disagree. 903 00:43:01.320 --> 00:43:03.720 That's what I would answer to that. 904 00:43:03.720 --> 00:43:05.280 No, I'm putting these demands on her, 905 00:43:05.280 --> 00:43:08.320 and I think that you should actually text me in the morning. 906 00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:09.480 You didn't text me this morning. 907 00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:10.640 Why didn't you text me? 908 00:43:12.080 --> 00:43:13.920 Yeah, no, I don't play those games. 909 00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:16.460 And I texted you yesterday, 910 00:43:16.460 --> 00:43:17.980 but you didn't even respond back to me 911 00:43:17.980 --> 00:43:19.300 until like four hours later. 912 00:43:19.300 --> 00:43:20.780 What's that about? 913 00:43:20.780 --> 00:43:22.220 You know, it's funny you say that, 914 00:43:22.220 --> 00:43:24.180 because I actually handled a guy like that. 915 00:43:24.180 --> 00:43:27.100 He was like, I feel like I'm the one always reaching out. 916 00:43:27.100 --> 00:43:30.140 And I said, if you scroll back through our conversation, 917 00:43:30.140 --> 00:43:32.340 you'll see that I'm reciprocating. 918 00:43:32.340 --> 00:43:35.740 I said, if that's not enough for you, bye. 919 00:43:35.740 --> 00:43:38.100 Like, I've got more than that. 920 00:43:38.100 --> 00:43:39.620 That is so good. 921 00:43:39.620 --> 00:43:41.700 And a lot of times it will be very helpful 922 00:43:41.700 --> 00:43:44.080 if men said that to us, but they don't. 923 00:43:46.200 --> 00:43:47.960 But we'll get out, you know, 924 00:43:47.960 --> 00:43:51.960 we'll pick people apart with these expectations. 925 00:43:51.960 --> 00:43:52.780 But guess what? 926 00:43:52.780 --> 00:43:54.160 When you're getting to know someone, 927 00:43:54.160 --> 00:43:55.520 you can express yourself. 928 00:43:55.520 --> 00:43:57.480 I think Heather said it, 929 00:43:57.480 --> 00:44:01.920 when she expressed her boundaries 930 00:44:01.920 --> 00:44:03.760 to see if someone honors that. 931 00:44:03.760 --> 00:44:05.800 That's not entitlement. 932 00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:08.960 That's I am expressing something to you. 933 00:44:08.980 --> 00:44:12.260 And so if you want a man to text you in the morning 934 00:44:12.260 --> 00:44:14.300 and in the evening and at night, 935 00:44:14.300 --> 00:44:15.780 when you start getting to know him, 936 00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:17.380 how about you have this conversation and say, 937 00:44:17.380 --> 00:44:18.860 you know what? 938 00:44:18.860 --> 00:44:21.220 I have an expectation that you're gonna text me 939 00:44:21.220 --> 00:44:22.860 in the morning, in the evening, 940 00:44:22.860 --> 00:44:24.580 in the middle of the day and evening, 941 00:44:24.580 --> 00:44:26.780 because that shows me that you like me. 942 00:44:27.660 --> 00:44:29.820 Can you be sure you do that for me? 943 00:44:30.660 --> 00:44:33.140 Because if you don't request it, 944 00:44:33.140 --> 00:44:35.880 then how are you going to expect it? 945 00:44:36.880 --> 00:44:39.460 What universal law was made 946 00:44:39.460 --> 00:44:41.180 that a man who's interested in you 947 00:44:41.180 --> 00:44:43.520 must text you morning, evening, or night, 948 00:44:43.520 --> 00:44:45.720 or morning, night, or he can't skip a day. 949 00:44:48.260 --> 00:44:50.540 If he skips a day, he's no longer interested. 950 00:44:50.540 --> 00:44:51.940 And if he was really interested, 951 00:44:51.940 --> 00:44:53.580 he would call me every day. 952 00:44:53.580 --> 00:44:56.340 I know because that's what I do when I like somebody. 953 00:44:59.220 --> 00:45:00.060 What? 954 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.520 I want y'all to hear it right so I'm giving it back to you like I want you to hear like 955 00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:08.480 That that's not true 956 00:45:10.160 --> 00:45:12.160 Maybe they have a purpose for life 957 00:45:14.360 --> 00:45:17.080 Maybe maybe they're working on a building project 958 00:45:18.520 --> 00:45:21.920 Maybe maybe they have a full-time schedule 959 00:45:23.160 --> 00:45:26.440 Maybe when they one time a guy told me he's like, you know what? 960 00:45:26.920 --> 00:45:32.960 I don't really think you're interested in getting to know me Ebony because I have to fit you 961 00:45:34.040 --> 00:45:36.040 You can't fit me on a little schedule 962 00:45:36.520 --> 00:45:42.400 Sending me times asking me when I could fit in if you like somebody you make time for them 963 00:45:43.720 --> 00:45:49.800 And so, you know, I just don't think this is gonna work out and I said, I understand I respect your decision 964 00:45:49.880 --> 00:45:54.240 Thank you for your honesty. I said, but as we leave this call 965 00:45:54.240 --> 00:45:59.560 I said, I want you to know that me sending you my schedule is me making time for you 966 00:46:00.080 --> 00:46:05.720 Because I'm sending you my schedule so that I can also make that time available 967 00:46:06.120 --> 00:46:09.800 So that I can talk to you. I said because I want to get to know you 968 00:46:09.800 --> 00:46:14.160 I said my life is as it is and it was this way when you met me 969 00:46:14.280 --> 00:46:17.720 But I am showing up to the table and I am 970 00:46:18.360 --> 00:46:21.440 Working this phone call in so that we can get to know each other 971 00:46:21.440 --> 00:46:25.440 I said, but I understand you have a different expectation and I'm okay with it 972 00:46:26.240 --> 00:46:28.240 and I said so 973 00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:30.960 Have a great day 974 00:46:31.560 --> 00:46:33.960 Because I gotta get the phone call going prayer right now 975 00:46:34.520 --> 00:46:38.400 I've made a few minutes every time right there and he was like, well 976 00:46:44.560 --> 00:46:49.680 Like I'm giving you the best I got I'm telling you I can talk to you when I leave work on my way to this 977 00:46:49.680 --> 00:46:55.360 Next place that's 40 minutes. I got 40 minutes. I'm giving you my time when I get at work 978 00:46:55.360 --> 00:46:58.440 Like that's a really big deal because I need to decompress in the car 979 00:46:58.880 --> 00:47:03.640 But I'm just saying and I I best took phone calls on the weekend 980 00:47:04.600 --> 00:47:09.080 It's true. And so when I'm saying hey, let's get you something for the weekend 981 00:47:09.080 --> 00:47:11.880 It does not show that I'm not showing up, right? 982 00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:18.360 And so I just want I just want us to look at all those dynamics these expectations that we have of people and you have to 983 00:47:18.360 --> 00:47:20.280 consider, um 984 00:47:20.280 --> 00:47:25.080 That's called entitlement. They should put it like that. You're not entitled to somebody's time 985 00:47:28.240 --> 00:47:31.000 But I'm gonna tell you something as you get to know a person 986 00:47:31.040 --> 00:47:36.040 You'll know how they feel about you as the way their calendar opens up more and more and more 987 00:47:36.760 --> 00:47:43.080 Because when a person really does like you want to me it really does like you is it's almost better to see it that way 988 00:47:43.520 --> 00:47:50.240 That when you first start call me anytime anytime anytime anytime and then he dies off like oh 989 00:47:50.240 --> 00:47:56.920 I'm a little busy. Oh my little is versus watching somebody open up their life to make space for you 990 00:47:59.200 --> 00:48:05.300 Right, that's why it's better to hear no because it sounds so good when you hear yes 991 00:48:06.400 --> 00:48:08.400 That's the gift of knowing. Yes 992 00:48:10.360 --> 00:48:12.360 Okay, um 993 00:48:12.640 --> 00:48:18.920 Focus on what you can control your boundaries your choices your responses practice curious detachment 994 00:48:18.920 --> 00:48:23.640 I wonder what's happening for him versus why isn't he doing what I want? 995 00:48:24.040 --> 00:48:27.200 So then kind of like I don't know what I wonder why he didn't answer the phone 996 00:48:27.200 --> 00:48:32.720 I don't guess he was this I'm guessing so like oh, I wonder what's happening with him. I hope everything is 997 00:48:32.720 --> 00:48:35.840 Okay, that takes a lot of practice, but you can get there. Um 998 00:48:37.320 --> 00:48:39.680 Honor needs without demanding change 999 00:48:40.320 --> 00:48:42.320 Now that's a heavy one 1000 00:48:43.640 --> 00:48:48.240 Meaning I don't walk up to someone in demand. They change to suit me 1001 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:57.280 And we do that and a lot of times we do it just out of protection for our hearts for ourself 1002 00:48:57.280 --> 00:49:01.720 We feel like we need that and we do all of these things entitlement is rooted in 1003 00:49:01.720 --> 00:49:09.640 It comes from a broken heart and it comes from wanting and desiring someone else to fulfill something in you that you haven't fulfilled in yourself 1004 00:49:11.640 --> 00:49:13.640 You guys 1005 00:49:13.640 --> 00:49:17.880 Would you say the last point again entitlement? I don't know was it comes from brokenness or 1006 00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:24.600 Pain or wanting to someone to fulfilling you what you haven't fulfilled in yourself 1007 00:49:25.160 --> 00:49:27.160 Is it that part of it? 1008 00:49:27.160 --> 00:49:29.160 Okay, good 1009 00:49:29.720 --> 00:49:34.680 Ladies when we transition from entitlement to empowerment, we also trans transition 1010 00:49:34.680 --> 00:49:41.480 We find ourself operating in more grace and more forgiveness in a greater awareness and this empowers you 1011 00:49:44.600 --> 00:49:51.560 And so this time when you say I don't need these certain things from a man you can clearly see 1012 00:49:51.560 --> 00:49:53.560 What is his responsibility? 1013 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.800 what belongs to you because let's say I like what Nadine said she desires that a 1014 00:50:08.800 --> 00:50:11.880 man opens the door for her I don't even think she put should in front of him but 1015 00:50:11.880 --> 00:50:17.120 there's a desire of hers so she desires a man open the door when she is dating a 1016 00:50:17.120 --> 00:50:19.800 guy and he doesn't open the door first time let's say they went out on the 1017 00:50:19.800 --> 00:50:23.200 second date or when she talked to him on the phone say you know what something I really 1018 00:50:23.200 --> 00:50:26.680 like and I don't know if you do this but I really like when the guy that I'm 1019 00:50:26.680 --> 00:50:34.040 getting to know opens the door for me is that something you'll be open to now 1020 00:50:34.040 --> 00:50:40.600 she's just presented a desire to him and he can say yes I can do that or he can 1021 00:50:40.600 --> 00:50:44.200 say I can try but if he never really did it a lot it's gonna take my wire to get 1022 00:50:44.200 --> 00:50:48.640 the swing of things so she could if he says oh I want to do that she gets in the 1023 00:50:48.640 --> 00:50:55.180 car he jumps out keeps walking she could sit there in the car not angry and she 1024 00:50:55.180 --> 00:51:00.100 can say I was just waiting on you I know you probably I know you probably 1025 00:51:00.100 --> 00:51:03.820 not used to it but you did say you wanted to do it and I really like it 1026 00:51:03.820 --> 00:51:08.180 that's a totally different scenario from I don't you know what I don't even he 1027 00:51:08.180 --> 00:51:11.260 didn't even open the door for me what kind of man don't open the door for a 1028 00:51:11.260 --> 00:51:18.500 woman my dad always opened the door for my mom something like that right so 1029 00:51:18.500 --> 00:51:24.420 there are a lot of ways we could take that but there is a there's a way that 1030 00:51:24.420 --> 00:51:28.420 we can present things to individuals no matter who they are whether somebody 1031 00:51:28.420 --> 00:51:32.980 were dating whether someone you had both reactions whether somebody who you work 1032 00:51:32.980 --> 00:51:38.740 with with somebody in your family these expectations or entitlements that we 1033 00:51:38.740 --> 00:51:43.260 have they're kind of across the board with friends wherever it's just it's 1034 00:51:43.260 --> 00:51:52.220 just there so this is what I want you got ladies to do you guys all right I 1035 00:51:52.340 --> 00:51:58.140 want you ladies to whether you're currently dated or not to share if you 1036 00:51:58.140 --> 00:52:01.620 are currently dating then you can apply the questions to a dating situation but 1037 00:52:01.620 --> 00:52:04.340 if it's not dating you don't have to apply to a dating situation apply to a 1038 00:52:04.340 --> 00:52:10.300 friend to a parent um I mean my mom had had a lot of this matter of fact usually 1039 00:52:10.300 --> 00:52:14.500 your family of origin shapes you in a lot of these things also my family of 1040 00:52:14.500 --> 00:52:19.500 origin dealt with a lot of codependency my mama was if I did this you should do 1041 00:52:19.580 --> 00:52:25.260 this now if I made the bed the least you can pick up the shoes if I did this the 1042 00:52:25.260 --> 00:52:31.140 least you can do that is the language of my entire family the least you could do 1043 00:52:31.140 --> 00:52:36.820 you should do this and so like all of this stuff ties into us I don't want you 1044 00:52:36.820 --> 00:52:41.660 to think you just wake up this way you don't wake up this way so what we're 1045 00:52:41.660 --> 00:52:47.860 gonna do is uh I'm gonna put you in and I can't type it in the chat so someone 1046 00:52:47.860 --> 00:52:51.220 who could type it in the chat for me because I'm using my phone I think I 1047 00:52:51.220 --> 00:53:02.740 could put us in oh oh I was trying to see if I could put us in a breakout 1048 00:53:02.740 --> 00:53:07.980 groups but I don't think I can so it doesn't matter because I can't do it 1049 00:53:07.980 --> 00:53:14.700 from my phone which I thought I should be able to do it um but this sucks okay 1050 00:53:14.700 --> 00:53:18.780 let's think about this get something you can write down or you can post it in 1051 00:53:18.780 --> 00:53:23.180 the chat now that we've talked about entitlement I'm sure that something has 1052 00:53:23.180 --> 00:53:27.100 touched you or hit you or made you wonder whether you want to accept it or 1053 00:53:27.100 --> 00:53:32.180 not where do you notice entitlement showing up in your daily life in your 1054 00:53:32.180 --> 00:53:44.020 personal life with your friends with your family let's think about that what 1055 00:53:44.060 --> 00:53:47.860 do you when where have you noticed entitlement showing up in their life and 1056 00:53:47.860 --> 00:53:52.940 what past hurts do you think have been creating these present expectations 1057 00:53:52.940 --> 00:53:58.300 seeking you tie them back to hurts 1058 00:54:07.220 --> 00:54:10.300 can you repeat that last part of the question I'm trying to put them in the 1059 00:54:10.300 --> 00:54:20.140 thank you how my past hurts be creating these present expectations I might pass 1060 00:54:20.140 --> 00:54:24.900 hurts be creating those present expectations 1061 00:54:40.300 --> 00:54:42.340 you 1062 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:13.560 And you ladies can just, um, if you have something just want to share, post it in the chat. 1063 00:55:13.560 --> 00:55:19.120 I'm also going to make a while you're thinking I'm going to make a Facebook Facebook. 1064 00:55:19.120 --> 00:55:25.000 I want to make a post in the app with the activation for you guys to kind of mull over 1065 00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:26.000 and work with. 1066 00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:27.860 And you can post this information there too. 1067 00:55:27.860 --> 00:55:31.980 If you don't get a chance, if you don't have something readily coming up, I think they 1068 00:55:31.980 --> 00:55:37.980 were friends I felt rejected, left out, forgot to reciprocate the love, I think they should 1069 00:55:37.980 --> 00:55:42.100 when I do something nice with them, we're starting to. 1070 00:55:42.100 --> 00:55:43.100 Yeah. 1071 00:55:43.100 --> 00:55:48.140 Um, Michaela, that's really good because let me turn the camera this way. 1072 00:55:48.140 --> 00:55:55.340 I am a person who, uh, my way of love is through service. 1073 00:55:55.340 --> 00:55:58.060 Um, I, I'm going to be the one that's cooking. 1074 00:55:58.060 --> 00:56:00.940 I'm going to be the one that's, Oh, you said your head is hurting and I'm going to grab 1075 00:56:00.940 --> 00:56:01.940 you some Tylenol. 1076 00:56:01.940 --> 00:56:07.700 And when someone rejects my help, it hurts me deeply because to me, that means they're 1077 00:56:07.700 --> 00:56:09.420 not wanting to communicate with me. 1078 00:56:09.420 --> 00:56:11.740 It speaks to me that they don't want me. 1079 00:56:11.740 --> 00:56:16.260 They don't want me around just because they rejected me getting them Tylenol. 1080 00:56:16.260 --> 00:56:19.340 Now that's a real simple one, but I was just trying to make it simple, simple to help you 1081 00:56:19.340 --> 00:56:20.340 see. 1082 00:56:20.340 --> 00:56:23.540 Like I think the other day I said to my sister was like, Oh, I'm so tired. 1083 00:56:23.740 --> 00:56:25.900 Um, she said, I'm so tired. 1084 00:56:25.900 --> 00:56:26.900 She had worked overnight. 1085 00:56:26.900 --> 00:56:28.900 I said, well, you want to ask your husband to drive you home? 1086 00:56:28.900 --> 00:56:30.900 She said, I don't need a solution. 1087 00:56:30.900 --> 00:56:32.100 That was hard. 1088 00:56:32.100 --> 00:56:33.100 It was harsh. 1089 00:56:33.100 --> 00:56:42.340 Um, but at that moment, my whole nervous system froze up because what I heard her say was, 1090 00:56:42.340 --> 00:56:43.860 I don't want to connect with you. 1091 00:56:43.860 --> 00:56:45.940 I don't want your advice. 1092 00:56:45.940 --> 00:56:48.140 I don't want what you have for me. 1093 00:56:48.140 --> 00:56:52.620 And I had to hold my body still not to cry. 1094 00:56:52.700 --> 00:56:56.540 That's how quick, that's how it grabs me. 1095 00:56:56.540 --> 00:57:00.940 And then I had to come home and process through why did I respond that way? 1096 00:57:00.940 --> 00:57:02.900 Why did my nervous system do that? 1097 00:57:02.900 --> 00:57:06.540 And so a lot of times it's how we've learned love. 1098 00:57:06.540 --> 00:57:10.980 If you learn love by doing that, you are noticed when you do things, people respect you when 1099 00:57:10.980 --> 00:57:16.020 you do things, you're honored when you do things, you will continue doing that. 1100 00:57:16.020 --> 00:57:19.460 And when it's rejected and not accepted, it is hard. 1101 00:57:19.460 --> 00:57:21.820 Uh, you was pumping gas. 1102 00:57:21.820 --> 00:57:27.740 The question was, where do you notice entitlement showing up in your dating life? 1103 00:57:27.740 --> 00:57:33.860 And then how my past hurts, um, be creating present expectations. 1104 00:57:33.860 --> 00:57:38.060 I've been able to date for a past 40 years, but this thing go so fast. 1105 00:57:38.060 --> 00:57:40.060 Let me go here. 1106 00:57:47.060 --> 00:57:48.060 Hmm. 1107 00:57:48.300 --> 00:57:56.500 And we, and so Amanda, what you want to do that is tie that to, does that make you feel 1108 00:57:56.500 --> 00:57:58.540 like you're not important? 1109 00:57:58.540 --> 00:58:00.980 Does it make you feel like you're not worthy? 1110 00:58:00.980 --> 00:58:03.940 And a lot of stuff ties back to that. 1111 00:58:03.940 --> 00:58:07.740 We want people to come in our life and even if it's a friend, make me feel important. 1112 00:58:07.740 --> 00:58:09.180 Make me feel worthy. 1113 00:58:09.180 --> 00:58:11.380 Make me feel like I matter. 1114 00:58:11.380 --> 00:58:17.820 But I am telling you, when you take that responsibility on for yourself, you will not need any 1115 00:58:18.580 --> 00:58:19.580 else to do that for you. 1116 00:58:19.580 --> 00:58:24.380 Sorry, I got a little weird because, um, you won't need anybody else to do that for you. 1117 00:58:24.380 --> 00:58:26.380 And the truth is you don't need anybody to do it for you. 1118 00:58:26.380 --> 00:58:30.300 If you need somebody to do it for you, you're going to find yourself always hurt because 1119 00:58:30.300 --> 00:58:33.060 nobody can live up to that expectation. 1120 00:58:33.060 --> 00:58:36.780 Nobody can live up to making you feel love, making you feel important, making you feel 1121 00:58:36.780 --> 00:58:37.780 special. 1122 00:58:37.780 --> 00:58:43.700 There is a heart issue, ladies. 1123 00:58:43.700 --> 00:58:45.500 You are, you should be important. 1124 00:58:45.500 --> 00:58:47.820 If you're not, should, should is a shame word. 1125 00:58:47.820 --> 00:58:54.340 You would like to enjoy the fullness of being loved already within you as a part of your 1126 00:58:54.340 --> 00:58:55.340 identity. 1127 00:58:55.340 --> 00:59:01.180 And a lot of things that we want from men and dating and other people around us because 1128 00:59:01.180 --> 00:59:05.860 we're wanting somebody to feel those spaces in us, but they can't do it. 1129 00:59:05.860 --> 00:59:08.380 They can do it for a moment, but they can't do it forever. 1130 00:59:16.500 --> 00:59:23.260 So I'm going to, we need to take a few questions and it's 8.01 and we're only going to stay 1131 00:59:23.260 --> 00:59:24.740 until 8.15 tonight. 1132 00:59:24.740 --> 00:59:29.140 And so the questions we don't get to, I don't know who hand went up first, the questions 1133 00:59:29.140 --> 00:59:34.500 we don't get to, um, is, um, a couple of people I am going to start off with because I asked 1134 00:59:34.500 --> 00:59:38.420 them to come on tonight so that I could unpack something with them. 1135 00:59:38.420 --> 00:59:41.640 Um, the questions that we don't get to, and I will be brief. 1136 00:59:41.640 --> 00:59:45.060 So with each person, but the questions we don't get to, will you post it in the app 1137 00:59:45.060 --> 00:59:46.060 for me? 1138 00:59:46.060 --> 00:59:49.500 Even if you have to do a video, do a video, I'll respond to your video. 1139 00:59:49.500 --> 00:59:53.180 Videos are easy then to type in all these things and I can see your face and your facial 1140 00:59:53.180 --> 00:59:55.580 expressions and I can hear your heart. 1141 00:59:55.580 --> 00:59:59.980 And then when I respond, I would have taken your heart into like, it won't be, you know, 1142 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.600 Sometimes words can not be the best. 1143 01:00:02.600 --> 01:00:05.280 So remember that empowerment in dating 1144 01:00:05.280 --> 01:00:07.400 comes from choice, clarity, and surrender, 1145 01:00:07.400 --> 01:00:09.240 not control or entitlement. 1146 01:00:09.240 --> 01:00:14.680 Empowerment in dating comes from choice, clarity, and surrender, 1147 01:00:14.680 --> 01:00:17.640 not control or entitlement. 1148 01:00:17.640 --> 01:00:18.320 OK? 1149 01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:20.640 More questions that I'm going to post for this week. 1150 01:00:20.640 --> 01:00:22.720 What would dating look like if you released 1151 01:00:22.720 --> 01:00:24.920 the need for specific outcomes? 1152 01:00:24.920 --> 01:00:26.460 Oh, that would be a wonderful thing. 1153 01:00:26.460 --> 01:00:28.040 I'm going to tell you that right now. 1154 01:00:28.040 --> 01:00:31.580 If you release this need for a specific outcome, 1155 01:00:31.580 --> 01:00:34.340 dating would be so fun. 1156 01:00:34.340 --> 01:00:35.900 I did it. 1157 01:00:35.900 --> 01:00:38.900 How can you honor your worth without demanding others 1158 01:00:38.900 --> 01:00:40.700 to prove it to you? 1159 01:00:40.700 --> 01:00:44.820 How can you honor your worth without demanding others 1160 01:00:44.820 --> 01:00:47.180 to prove your worth to you? 1161 01:00:47.180 --> 01:00:50.300 And a lot of times when we are like, you're going to pursue me, 1162 01:00:50.300 --> 01:00:51.780 you're going to pursue me first, and you're 1163 01:00:51.780 --> 01:00:52.980 going to do this with me first, and you're 1164 01:00:52.980 --> 01:00:54.940 going to do this with me, you're really saying, 1165 01:00:54.940 --> 01:00:57.000 prove to me that I'm worth something. 1166 01:00:59.720 --> 01:01:01.520 Prove to me that I'm worthy. 1167 01:01:01.520 --> 01:01:02.240 Right? 1168 01:01:02.240 --> 01:01:02.740 All right. 1169 01:01:02.740 --> 01:01:06.680 So Juanita, if you would unmute. 1170 01:01:06.680 --> 01:01:08.960 Hello. 1171 01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:10.800 So how are you? 1172 01:01:10.800 --> 01:01:11.440 I'm good. 1173 01:01:11.440 --> 01:01:12.720 How are you? 1174 01:01:12.720 --> 01:01:13.400 Good. 1175 01:01:13.400 --> 01:01:13.900 Good. 1176 01:01:13.900 --> 01:01:15.840 I'm very happy to be here today. 1177 01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:17.920 We're happy to have you here today. 1178 01:01:17.920 --> 01:01:22.800 Now, I'm using my phone, so let me see. 1179 01:01:22.820 --> 01:01:28.340 I'm using my phone, so I can't go back to give me an overview 1180 01:01:28.340 --> 01:01:30.020 and then I can go from there. 1181 01:01:32.820 --> 01:01:35.940 Just tell me what was the story about. 1182 01:01:35.940 --> 01:01:37.180 What was the story about? 1183 01:01:37.180 --> 01:01:39.460 Guy that I've had a crush on for like three years 1184 01:01:39.460 --> 01:01:41.140 asked me out on New Year's Eve. 1185 01:01:41.140 --> 01:01:42.580 And so, yeah. 1186 01:01:42.580 --> 01:01:45.820 So these are my thoughts. 1187 01:01:45.820 --> 01:01:52.420 So what happened was you went into this agreement 1188 01:01:53.000 --> 01:01:57.120 or unspoken agreement, and you missed some steps. 1189 01:01:57.120 --> 01:01:59.600 And it happened because he was familiar to you, 1190 01:01:59.600 --> 01:02:01.000 and you recognized that. 1191 01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:02.800 But I'm just playing it out in front of you 1192 01:02:02.800 --> 01:02:05.160 so you can put things in rightful order. 1193 01:02:05.160 --> 01:02:08.280 And so you picked up like, oh, not to mention 1194 01:02:08.280 --> 01:02:09.880 you had a crush on him in the past, 1195 01:02:09.880 --> 01:02:11.200 not to mention all these things. 1196 01:02:11.200 --> 01:02:13.600 Y'all were still friends, but at one point you did like him 1197 01:02:13.600 --> 01:02:15.000 and he wasn't very interested. 1198 01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:17.120 And so now this opportunity comes back around. 1199 01:02:17.120 --> 01:02:19.400 It looks divine and wonderful because you just 1200 01:02:19.400 --> 01:02:21.720 got done with hard work. 1201 01:02:21.740 --> 01:02:22.940 Everything opened up. 1202 01:02:22.940 --> 01:02:26.460 He's come to his senses, and you are the woman for him. 1203 01:02:26.460 --> 01:02:29.380 And so you cast aside the things that you had learned 1204 01:02:29.380 --> 01:02:31.380 or had not even learned yet because you just 1205 01:02:31.380 --> 01:02:33.500 came into phase two, and you did not 1206 01:02:33.500 --> 01:02:36.780 allow for a proper experience that 1207 01:02:36.780 --> 01:02:39.620 will help you develop in a particular pace that 1208 01:02:39.620 --> 01:02:43.460 will best serve you and him best in a relationship. 1209 01:02:43.460 --> 01:02:46.940 And so immediately when you held his hand, 1210 01:02:46.940 --> 01:02:50.260 immediately when you became physical in these ways with him, 1211 01:02:50.280 --> 01:02:54.280 it spoke something to your heart that it should not 1212 01:02:54.280 --> 01:02:57.320 have spoken because it wasn't time for that. 1213 01:02:57.320 --> 01:02:59.600 But because you're friends with him, 1214 01:02:59.600 --> 01:03:04.400 you already know him, there were certain barriers or boundaries 1215 01:03:04.400 --> 01:03:06.640 that just weren't there. 1216 01:03:06.640 --> 01:03:07.120 Right? 1217 01:03:07.120 --> 01:03:08.040 I'm already comfortable. 1218 01:03:08.040 --> 01:03:08.920 I already feel this. 1219 01:03:08.920 --> 01:03:10.400 And then there's this thing processing 1220 01:03:10.400 --> 01:03:12.320 in the back of your head like, this is it. 1221 01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:13.600 This is it. 1222 01:03:13.600 --> 01:03:17.840 Until you realize, Juanita, that you're a different woman. 1223 01:03:17.840 --> 01:03:20.860 And you forgot about that part. 1224 01:03:20.860 --> 01:03:24.860 You may know him, but you are a new woman. 1225 01:03:24.860 --> 01:03:25.860 You really are. 1226 01:03:25.860 --> 01:03:27.980 And your expectations aren't the same 1227 01:03:27.980 --> 01:03:30.340 as they were when you liked him a lot. 1228 01:03:30.340 --> 01:03:33.060 And then you realize that what you said in your post today, 1229 01:03:33.060 --> 01:03:35.420 I didn't even know if I really liked him as much 1230 01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:37.220 as I thought I liked him. 1231 01:03:37.220 --> 01:03:39.820 But those were old things that were resonating. 1232 01:03:39.820 --> 01:03:42.180 And so how you get back on track from this point 1233 01:03:42.180 --> 01:03:45.440 is you say to him, if you want to continue down this process, 1234 01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:50.340 you just say, hey, I realized I jumped in feet first, head 1235 01:03:50.340 --> 01:03:51.860 first, however they see it. 1236 01:03:51.860 --> 01:03:53.660 And I want to slow us down. 1237 01:03:53.660 --> 01:03:56.140 And I want to do this the proper way. 1238 01:03:56.140 --> 01:03:58.060 And though we already know each other, 1239 01:03:58.060 --> 01:04:00.860 and we have so much history with each other, which is rich 1240 01:04:00.860 --> 01:04:04.340 and I appreciate, I realize that we're not 1241 01:04:04.340 --> 01:04:10.180 going to be able to build well this way. 1242 01:04:10.180 --> 01:04:12.620 And it is going to be a challenge. 1243 01:04:12.640 --> 01:04:14.560 And you're going to find yourself, 1244 01:04:14.560 --> 01:04:17.260 and if at any point that either one of you 1245 01:04:17.260 --> 01:04:18.760 decide that it's not going to work, 1246 01:04:18.760 --> 01:04:21.240 it's going to be really heartbreaking. 1247 01:04:21.240 --> 01:04:26.000 Because you're already operating from a system of I know. 1248 01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:30.960 Not I know he's the one, but I know him, he knows me. 1249 01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:32.120 And that can be costly. 1250 01:04:32.120 --> 01:04:34.580 And so what you want to do is you want to have that talk, 1251 01:04:34.580 --> 01:04:35.760 and you want to slow things down, 1252 01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:36.960 and you want to take your hand back, 1253 01:04:36.960 --> 01:04:38.480 and you want to stop physical touch, 1254 01:04:38.480 --> 01:04:40.960 and you want to put boundaries in place. 1255 01:04:40.980 --> 01:04:43.420 All your time is not his time. 1256 01:04:43.420 --> 01:04:45.900 All his time is not your time. 1257 01:04:45.900 --> 01:04:47.020 He's a new person. 1258 01:04:47.020 --> 01:04:50.500 He gets to, for lack of better words, because of where you are, 1259 01:04:50.500 --> 01:04:53.140 this is not for every woman on this call, this is for Juanita. 1260 01:04:53.140 --> 01:04:55.660 This is specific coaching for her. 1261 01:04:55.660 --> 01:04:59.060 He has to audition again, Juanita. 1262 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.920 I know that he's a lot of things that you admire, 1263 01:05:02.920 --> 01:05:07.000 but it serves you best to be able to hear 1264 01:05:07.000 --> 01:05:11.000 if he is best for you, if you all's destinies do align, 1265 01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:13.680 if he is a spiritual DNA for you, 1266 01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:16.920 by pacing things and slowing things down 1267 01:05:16.920 --> 01:05:20.240 so that you can operate in purity and in order. 1268 01:05:20.240 --> 01:05:21.880 Because at the pace that you're going, 1269 01:05:21.880 --> 01:05:25.320 I don't think you're going to land somewhere well. 1270 01:05:25.320 --> 01:05:26.160 Yeah. 1271 01:05:26.160 --> 01:05:28.760 It's going to happen faster than you could count for. 1272 01:05:28.760 --> 01:05:33.600 And then it's going to be the, oh, oh, oh. 1273 01:05:33.600 --> 01:05:34.480 Yeah. 1274 01:05:34.480 --> 01:05:37.560 And so that's what I was thinking for you, 1275 01:05:37.560 --> 01:05:40.120 that you regroup, have a talk with him. 1276 01:05:40.120 --> 01:05:41.720 The good thing is he is your friend, 1277 01:05:41.720 --> 01:05:43.480 so you don't have to have that fear. 1278 01:05:43.480 --> 01:05:47.160 And then y'all figure out what that looks like now. 1279 01:05:47.160 --> 01:05:49.480 Yeah. 1280 01:05:49.480 --> 01:05:51.400 And so let's slow it back down. 1281 01:05:51.400 --> 01:05:53.160 If you find yourself maybe, you know, 1282 01:05:53.160 --> 01:05:54.600 everything is fresh and new now. 1283 01:05:54.600 --> 01:05:56.320 So y'all may talk on the phone a whole lot, 1284 01:05:56.320 --> 01:05:57.920 but that's probably going to slow down. 1285 01:05:57.920 --> 01:05:59.680 Seems like both of you have busy lives. 1286 01:05:59.680 --> 01:06:02.840 I know you said that he's pretty busy this time as well. 1287 01:06:02.840 --> 01:06:05.440 And so slow it down. 1288 01:06:05.440 --> 01:06:07.800 Even if you have to, if you wanted to hang out with him 1289 01:06:07.800 --> 01:06:09.640 that weekend, don't do it. 1290 01:06:09.640 --> 01:06:12.440 Say, hey, let me find myself. 1291 01:06:12.440 --> 01:06:15.160 And then in doing that, we can find each other 1292 01:06:15.160 --> 01:06:16.680 and grow from this place. 1293 01:06:16.680 --> 01:06:20.160 What do you think about that? 1294 01:06:20.160 --> 01:06:24.160 I agree with the slowing down. 1295 01:06:24.160 --> 01:06:27.000 Even though we've known each other, 1296 01:06:27.880 --> 01:06:29.600 I think because I had that attraction to him, 1297 01:06:29.600 --> 01:06:31.680 I always had a little bit of a boundary. 1298 01:06:31.680 --> 01:06:34.640 He wasn't buddy-buddy like my bestie. 1299 01:06:34.640 --> 01:06:36.320 And because he was an attractive man 1300 01:06:36.320 --> 01:06:38.640 and I really, really liked him, 1301 01:06:38.640 --> 01:06:42.480 I always had an appropriate boundary with him. 1302 01:06:42.480 --> 01:06:44.080 Maybe not until the last couple of weeks 1303 01:06:44.080 --> 01:06:46.000 when I was like, eh, he's my brother, he's my friend. 1304 01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:49.280 I just started treating him a little more normal. 1305 01:06:49.280 --> 01:06:51.080 The physical stuff though is real 1306 01:06:51.080 --> 01:06:53.760 because I mean, like we went out Sunday night 1307 01:06:53.760 --> 01:06:56.520 and he reaches for my hand now. 1308 01:06:56.560 --> 01:06:58.320 And then my fear too is, 1309 01:06:58.320 --> 01:06:59.960 he hasn't been dating in a long time. 1310 01:06:59.960 --> 01:07:01.520 I don't wanna be setting a new blueprint 1311 01:07:01.520 --> 01:07:03.280 for what he's gonna do with other women. 1312 01:07:03.280 --> 01:07:05.080 And that's a conviction in my heart. 1313 01:07:05.080 --> 01:07:07.080 I don't know, we haven't talked to that much, 1314 01:07:07.080 --> 01:07:10.120 but he did tell me he hadn't dated in 10 years, 1315 01:07:11.000 --> 01:07:12.800 or pretty much he hasn't dated. 1316 01:07:12.800 --> 01:07:16.840 And so I don't wanna, I feel guilty a little bit 1317 01:07:16.840 --> 01:07:21.000 and I don't want to cause him to sin. 1318 01:07:21.000 --> 01:07:24.680 And I'm not sure how I can have that conversation 1319 01:07:24.680 --> 01:07:27.440 because it feels like, I'm just not sure 1320 01:07:28.320 --> 01:07:31.040 because I don't wanna say one thing and do another. 1321 01:07:31.040 --> 01:07:32.360 Cause I think I already started that 1322 01:07:32.360 --> 01:07:34.400 and then kind of went back. 1323 01:07:34.400 --> 01:07:36.640 So I just... 1324 01:07:36.640 --> 01:07:39.720 Well, you're not gonna cause him to sin 1325 01:07:39.720 --> 01:07:41.560 unless you yourself sin. 1326 01:07:41.560 --> 01:07:42.400 Of course. 1327 01:07:42.400 --> 01:07:43.240 Okay. 1328 01:07:43.240 --> 01:07:44.840 And you don't have a responsibility 1329 01:07:44.840 --> 01:07:46.440 to set a blueprint for him. 1330 01:07:46.440 --> 01:07:50.000 You only have a responsibility to set a standard for Juanita 1331 01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:51.360 because the woman he meets 1332 01:07:51.360 --> 01:07:53.640 is gonna have her own way of doing things. 1333 01:07:53.640 --> 01:07:54.600 Yeah. 1334 01:07:55.440 --> 01:07:58.040 And you are not the coach of dating. 1335 01:07:58.040 --> 01:07:59.680 You're not his coach. 1336 01:07:59.680 --> 01:08:00.520 Yeah. 1337 01:08:00.520 --> 01:08:01.640 You're not his teacher. 1338 01:08:01.640 --> 01:08:03.160 You're not his leader. 1339 01:08:03.160 --> 01:08:06.320 You are Juanita and you have the right to have an experience 1340 01:08:06.320 --> 01:08:09.200 just like he's showing up for an experience. 1341 01:08:09.200 --> 01:08:11.160 And so the guilt that you are feeling, 1342 01:08:11.160 --> 01:08:12.680 I want you to explore it 1343 01:08:12.680 --> 01:08:15.080 because there is a such thing as a false guilt. 1344 01:08:16.240 --> 01:08:17.880 You're not his pastor, you're not his teacher, 1345 01:08:17.880 --> 01:08:20.520 you're not his leader, you're Juanita. 1346 01:08:20.520 --> 01:08:23.080 And if you carry on something that doesn't belong to you, 1347 01:08:23.080 --> 01:08:24.439 it's not serving you best. 1348 01:08:25.279 --> 01:08:27.080 It's like you're trying to be something for him. 1349 01:08:27.080 --> 01:08:28.600 He doesn't need to be anything for him. 1350 01:08:28.600 --> 01:08:30.080 If you want him to learn how to date, 1351 01:08:30.080 --> 01:08:32.560 will you encourage him to come into the program? 1352 01:08:32.560 --> 01:08:33.880 I'm just being real with you. 1353 01:08:33.880 --> 01:08:35.520 If you're gonna take on something, 1354 01:08:35.520 --> 01:08:37.359 direct him somewhere so he can get help 1355 01:08:37.359 --> 01:08:38.720 the way you got help. 1356 01:08:38.720 --> 01:08:41.720 But what you can do is create boundaries for yourself 1357 01:08:41.720 --> 01:08:44.760 and now he knows how Juanita likes to be treated. 1358 01:08:44.760 --> 01:08:46.080 Yes. 1359 01:08:46.080 --> 01:08:47.120 That's good. 1360 01:08:47.120 --> 01:08:48.160 Yeah. 1361 01:08:48.160 --> 01:08:49.000 Yeah. 1362 01:08:49.000 --> 01:08:49.840 Thank you. 1363 01:08:49.840 --> 01:08:50.680 I agree. 1364 01:08:50.680 --> 01:08:54.200 I didn't, we jumped way, I jumped way too fast. 1365 01:08:55.160 --> 01:08:56.000 Yeah. 1366 01:08:56.000 --> 01:08:57.399 Yeah, back a little bit. 1367 01:08:59.040 --> 01:08:59.880 Okay. 1368 01:08:59.880 --> 01:09:00.720 Thanks. 1369 01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:01.560 Yeah, you're welcome. 1370 01:09:01.560 --> 01:09:04.800 That was, it was easy to happen. 1371 01:09:04.800 --> 01:09:05.640 Yeah. 1372 01:09:05.640 --> 01:09:06.800 So yeah. 1373 01:09:06.800 --> 01:09:07.640 Okay. 1374 01:09:08.720 --> 01:09:10.399 And I know I see everybody, 1375 01:09:10.399 --> 01:09:14.800 but who else did I ask to let me unpack something with you? 1376 01:09:14.800 --> 01:09:16.319 I think it was me. 1377 01:09:16.319 --> 01:09:17.640 And after hearing her as I, 1378 01:09:17.640 --> 01:09:19.279 oh, I know that's gonna be rough. 1379 01:09:20.120 --> 01:09:22.800 What was your, just give me, I've already read it. 1380 01:09:22.840 --> 01:09:25.000 So just give me a headliner. 1381 01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:25.840 Oh God. 1382 01:09:25.840 --> 01:09:27.960 Cause I, I feel like you're a tough love kind of teacher 1383 01:09:27.960 --> 01:09:30.880 and I just feel like where this is going and that's fine. 1384 01:09:30.880 --> 01:09:31.720 That's fine. 1385 01:09:33.560 --> 01:09:37.640 So, so I started seeing someone, right? 1386 01:09:37.640 --> 01:09:38.479 I'm gonna be honest. 1387 01:09:38.479 --> 01:09:42.600 It went way too fast and not physically so much. 1388 01:09:42.600 --> 01:09:43.600 I mean a little physically. 1389 01:09:43.600 --> 01:09:44.800 Erica, okay. 1390 01:09:44.800 --> 01:09:45.640 Okay. 1391 01:09:45.640 --> 01:09:47.960 This, I just, we're almost out of time, 1392 01:09:47.960 --> 01:09:49.319 but I read through it. 1393 01:09:49.319 --> 01:09:51.560 So the headliner is you're the person that said 1394 01:09:51.600 --> 01:09:53.840 in your post, we held hands and we kissed, 1395 01:09:53.840 --> 01:09:55.480 but we're just friends. 1396 01:09:55.480 --> 01:09:56.320 No. 1397 01:09:56.320 --> 01:09:57.240 That's not you? 1398 01:09:57.240 --> 01:09:58.680 Tell me, what was your, 1399 01:09:58.680 --> 01:10:00.680 what was the like goal of your post? 1400 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.000 Post what did you what was your question? 1401 01:10:02.820 --> 01:10:05.560 Wait, let me go back cuz I wrote a whole bunch. I'd let my 1402 01:10:06.080 --> 01:10:07.960 I prayed about it 1403 01:10:07.960 --> 01:10:08.800 I 1404 01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:12.840 Wrote everything out on the dance floor because like I wanted to reveal and heal it 1405 01:10:12.920 --> 01:10:18.160 One minute did lay it out that were you the one that said that you initially were ashamed to bring it to the group? 1406 01:10:18.920 --> 01:10:20.920 Well that too. I mean 1407 01:10:22.040 --> 01:10:26.120 Okay, right now I'm talking I'm talking to a guy right I'm gonna be honest 1408 01:10:26.120 --> 01:10:29.600 It went a little bit fast because we connect so well, right? 1409 01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:31.480 and 1410 01:10:31.480 --> 01:10:35.000 Like we have all the same similarities. We I know and 1411 01:10:36.080 --> 01:10:37.560 He's very 1412 01:10:37.560 --> 01:10:39.560 unexperienced in dating 1413 01:10:39.600 --> 01:10:41.600 never had a girlfriend and 1414 01:10:42.320 --> 01:10:43.760 so 1415 01:10:43.760 --> 01:10:47.720 He it struggles with communication and stuff like that. He's very very nice 1416 01:10:48.360 --> 01:10:49.920 but 1417 01:10:49.920 --> 01:10:57.260 He struggles with communicating and it just did it doesn't match mine so much. Give me an example what communication? 1418 01:10:57.860 --> 01:11:02.380 It's a good morning text, which that was not even so much right, um 1419 01:11:03.620 --> 01:11:09.620 Like he struggles with communicating. He struggled with initiating. He's very much. I don't know kind of person. I don't know 1420 01:11:09.620 --> 01:11:14.780 I don't know. I don't know and I guess I don't know why that bothers me so much 1421 01:11:15.300 --> 01:11:20.540 Well, he's oh, he should know that's why it bothers you what he's an adult 1422 01:11:21.540 --> 01:11:27.300 What a thinking brain if someone keeps telling you I don't know I don't know it's like well, what do you know? 1423 01:11:27.300 --> 01:11:32.540 Go ahead. That's sort of I guess where I was at and he doesn't seem like he's very decisive 1424 01:11:33.100 --> 01:11:39.020 Now, what was the other nitty-gritty part of it? Because I laid like I said, I literally laid it all out for you 1425 01:11:40.460 --> 01:11:45.420 This is you are the one that says I will admit we've been a little physical not anything physically large 1426 01:11:45.420 --> 01:11:49.780 She's kissing and holding hands. Okay. Yes, but we're not friends. Well 1427 01:11:51.340 --> 01:11:52.420 Yeah 1428 01:11:52.420 --> 01:11:53.940 We're talking. Okay. Yes 1429 01:11:53.940 --> 01:11:58.940 So I have been physical with him and I felt like it was way too quick in my head in my mind 1430 01:11:58.940 --> 01:12:00.500 I just got crazy 1431 01:12:00.500 --> 01:12:02.500 so I 1432 01:12:02.860 --> 01:12:07.020 Did I went too quick and that's not something I normally do and I felt convicted about it 1433 01:12:07.020 --> 01:12:09.020 So I talked to him about it and I told him 1434 01:12:10.660 --> 01:12:15.580 Way too fast and he agreed that's fine. How long y'all been dating 1435 01:12:18.220 --> 01:12:19.980 Like 1436 01:12:19.980 --> 01:12:21.980 We've maybe we've been talking maybe a month 1437 01:12:22.660 --> 01:12:27.780 Okay, um and then dating wise I mean we've been on like four or five dates at this point 1438 01:12:28.700 --> 01:12:30.700 So enough 1439 01:12:30.980 --> 01:12:35.340 Well, and what point did y'all start cuddling on the couch and all that? 1440 01:12:37.180 --> 01:12:40.460 Third third date. Um, okay. So 1441 01:12:41.860 --> 01:12:47.500 Let's just speak to no. No, that's not it. So let's just speak into what happened. So this is a part of dating Erica 1442 01:12:47.940 --> 01:12:49.940 There's no shame here 1443 01:12:50.100 --> 01:12:56.380 You're talking to the woman who used to have a man who my first second date would be less let's date at my house 1444 01:12:56.380 --> 01:13:03.340 I had a lot of things that I had to let the Lord help deliver me from and heal me from and so I'm just 1445 01:13:03.340 --> 01:13:04.980 Telling you there's no shame here 1446 01:13:04.980 --> 01:13:09.540 If anything could have been anything could have been done one of these women's can attest to doing it as well 1447 01:13:09.820 --> 01:13:14.020 Right, so that's not that's not this type of party. I just want you to know that 1448 01:13:14.540 --> 01:13:19.380 um, so what happened was, you know, some of the boundaries that 1449 01:13:20.500 --> 01:13:21.660 wouldn't 1450 01:13:21.660 --> 01:13:23.140 Should it's a shame word 1451 01:13:23.140 --> 01:13:27.860 Some of the boundaries that were best not to be crossed would be like going to a person's home 1452 01:13:27.860 --> 01:13:33.980 Which is on the videos if you had a chance to watch them, which is holding hands or kissing or cuddling 1453 01:13:34.260 --> 01:13:36.260 Why are those so important? 1454 01:13:36.300 --> 01:13:42.140 because they cloud your judgment and they cause all of this confusing the confusion that you're having and 1455 01:13:42.380 --> 01:13:46.020 Now you're not able to type those things and see things so clearly 1456 01:13:46.140 --> 01:13:52.580 So I don't think that you're in much as muddy water as you feel it's just all the mixture that's happened 1457 01:13:52.580 --> 01:13:55.940 So when we have mixture, we actually just be like a windshield wiper 1458 01:13:55.940 --> 01:14:00.980 We turn on the water when it's not raining you push it forward in your car and you start to clean the windshield out 1459 01:14:01.060 --> 01:14:05.380 And you remove those things that are clouding your judgment so that you can see well 1460 01:14:05.620 --> 01:14:11.500 So you dating him you've been on four dates are our what Jackie teaches us it is 1461 01:14:12.060 --> 01:14:18.460 Give a date three opportunities. It's a yes until it's a no and so now it's time for you to 1462 01:14:20.260 --> 01:14:22.260 Evaluate 1463 01:14:22.500 --> 01:14:26.100 Okay, yeah, we got you yes in it a speed date even okay 1464 01:14:26.100 --> 01:14:29.500 I saw prayers Eric and I had to see what was happening. I didn't know 1465 01:14:30.380 --> 01:14:32.380 so, um 1466 01:14:32.420 --> 01:14:39.540 What you do now is you evaluate him? I want you evaluate him for who he what he's presented to you thus far 1467 01:14:39.700 --> 01:14:43.580 It doesn't matter. I mean you can consider that he's inexperienced 1468 01:14:43.580 --> 01:14:49.020 But what you do want to know is Erica, are you making clear your desires or your request? 1469 01:14:49.020 --> 01:14:55.460 And so when he keeps saying I don't know. I don't know. I don't know your response would have to be hey 1470 01:14:55.460 --> 01:15:00.140 I understand that you feel like you don't know and so what I would like to see happen 1471 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.920 happiness, you take a little time to think about it, you can tell me how long it would 1472 01:15:04.920 --> 01:15:09.460 take you to think about it, and then bring me back a response, because it's really important 1473 01:15:09.460 --> 01:15:12.060 to me that we're able to communicate. 1474 01:15:12.060 --> 01:15:13.060 Okay. 1475 01:15:13.060 --> 01:15:18.740 Now, the reason I'm saying, and I condensed it, is God is so clever sometimes. 1476 01:15:18.740 --> 01:15:23.620 Every single one of your parts in this talk is something that had hit the head on the 1477 01:15:23.620 --> 01:15:24.620 nail. 1478 01:15:24.620 --> 01:15:27.980 I had so many expectations about what was this going to be like when I first started 1479 01:15:27.980 --> 01:15:32.180 dating again, because I worked so hard into going into the heart work, and, oh, I'm not 1480 01:15:32.180 --> 01:15:36.620 going to go back on the apps, because the apps are crap, or, oh, like, no, no, no, no, 1481 01:15:36.620 --> 01:15:42.660 no, it's just me and God, peace, peace, peace, peace, and, like, peace out, like, I just 1482 01:15:42.660 --> 01:15:46.120 wanted to, like, be with myself and focus on God. 1483 01:15:46.120 --> 01:15:49.780 And it happened so unexpectedly, I had all these expectations, like, no, I'm going to 1484 01:15:49.780 --> 01:15:52.580 do it this way this time, and I'm going to do this, and I'm going to make sure this happens, 1485 01:15:52.580 --> 01:15:55.620 and I'm going to make sure I find someone like this. 1486 01:15:56.620 --> 01:16:02.820 And when you just had that whole expectations versus entitlement versus empowerment, that 1487 01:16:02.820 --> 01:16:09.020 just sort of cleared all of that for me, like, it was a lot of, yeah. 1488 01:16:09.020 --> 01:16:10.060 So good. 1489 01:16:10.060 --> 01:16:14.420 So after you, now that you're clearing the windshield, I don't know if you want to continue 1490 01:16:14.420 --> 01:16:18.220 seeing him, but he could be a really great guy, but things are kind of clouded now. 1491 01:16:18.220 --> 01:16:23.740 And so you want to start presenting things to him, what you would like to see happen, 1492 01:16:23.740 --> 01:16:27.780 not so that you can stay in the relationship, so that you guys can have better communication. 1493 01:16:27.780 --> 01:16:32.460 You can see if he can operate on that level, since you are considering the fact that he's 1494 01:16:32.460 --> 01:16:38.700 never really dated before, and so he's not used to being in this type of setting with 1495 01:16:38.700 --> 01:16:39.900 an individual. 1496 01:16:39.900 --> 01:16:45.060 And so there's some grace there that you can lend out to him, but you're going to have 1497 01:16:45.060 --> 01:16:52.580 to be vocal about what works best for you without, and using I statements, a lot of 1498 01:16:52.580 --> 01:16:57.540 I statements, not what he should do, but this is what I enjoy, or this is what makes 1499 01:16:57.540 --> 01:16:59.820 communication easier for me. 1500 01:16:59.820 --> 01:17:04.060 And always a follow-up, do you understand what I'm saying, and is this something you're 1501 01:17:04.060 --> 01:17:06.300 willing to agree to? 1502 01:17:06.300 --> 01:17:11.660 Because men in general are not deep thinkers like women, and they want to give you surface 1503 01:17:11.660 --> 01:17:18.180 as quickly as they can, and that just doesn't work, right? 1504 01:17:18.180 --> 01:17:27.540 It doesn't work, you want to invest this journey in someone that is of quality, in 1505 01:17:27.540 --> 01:17:31.620 a sense of fullness, wholeness, purposeful, right? 1506 01:17:31.620 --> 01:17:36.020 And then you want to have the conversation that we're not going to do each other houses 1507 01:17:36.020 --> 01:17:41.260 again, let's just go out on dates, if we don't have the money, let's just shoot up a coffee 1508 01:17:41.260 --> 01:17:46.700 shop or go to a park, if it's too cold there, go to a coffee shop, go to a tea shop, or 1509 01:17:46.700 --> 01:17:48.220 something of such sorts. 1510 01:17:48.220 --> 01:17:52.740 And then tell us how it goes after you have this conversation of getting things back in 1511 01:17:52.740 --> 01:17:53.740 order. 1512 01:17:53.740 --> 01:17:58.460 Okay, because I did have a conversation, like there is stuff I've, you know, communicated 1513 01:17:58.460 --> 01:18:03.460 just on communicating, and he's reciprocal and receptive, but I've graced that this is 1514 01:18:03.460 --> 01:18:04.660 new for him. 1515 01:18:04.660 --> 01:18:08.060 But yes, like I told him sort of that, like the reeling back, like the next time we're 1516 01:18:08.060 --> 01:18:10.180 going to see each other, we're going to a Bible thing. 1517 01:18:10.180 --> 01:18:12.340 Yeah, going to a Bible. 1518 01:18:12.340 --> 01:18:16.300 And then another thing is, I know that dating is new for him, but I need you to understand 1519 01:18:16.300 --> 01:18:20.060 character versus dating is new for you. 1520 01:18:20.060 --> 01:18:21.060 Okay? 1521 01:18:21.060 --> 01:18:24.020 So that's why we're fruit inspectors. 1522 01:18:24.020 --> 01:18:29.540 And so he should, they're, not should, you want to determine, and look, now my spirit 1523 01:18:29.540 --> 01:18:30.940 has me on this. 1524 01:18:30.940 --> 01:18:36.500 You want, character will say, when a person says to you like, this works better for me, 1525 01:18:36.500 --> 01:18:37.980 I know that this is what we're doing. 1526 01:18:37.980 --> 01:18:45.000 When they stand up and they operate in that, that shows you their character, that shows 1527 01:18:45.000 --> 01:18:46.600 you their willingness. 1528 01:18:46.600 --> 01:18:49.320 So we can't say, I know this is your first time dating. 1529 01:18:49.320 --> 01:18:56.200 When I clearly express the boundary to you, when I clearly express a desire to you, right? 1530 01:18:56.200 --> 01:18:58.020 This is not, this is your first time dating. 1531 01:18:58.020 --> 01:19:02.680 This is, you're not honoring what I'm saying, that's character. 1532 01:19:02.680 --> 01:19:03.680 That's true. 1533 01:19:03.680 --> 01:19:06.440 And from what I'm seeing, he has great character. 1534 01:19:06.440 --> 01:19:12.240 So we'll see, we'll see where, like I said, yeah, we'll see. 1535 01:19:12.240 --> 01:19:13.240 Yeah, we'll see. 1536 01:19:13.240 --> 01:19:14.760 And so this is going to be good. 1537 01:19:15.520 --> 01:19:16.520 I'm excited for you. 1538 01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:17.520 Thank you. 1539 01:19:17.520 --> 01:19:18.520 You're a tough teacher. 1540 01:19:18.520 --> 01:19:19.520 Am I a tough teacher? 1541 01:19:19.520 --> 01:19:20.520 No. 1542 01:19:20.520 --> 01:19:21.520 I'm messing with you. 1543 01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:22.520 I'm much tougher on my kids. 1544 01:19:22.520 --> 01:19:23.520 No, not at all. 1545 01:19:23.520 --> 01:19:24.520 Not at all. 1546 01:19:24.520 --> 01:19:25.520 I'm just messing with you. 1547 01:19:25.520 --> 01:19:26.520 I feel like you can joke. 1548 01:19:26.520 --> 01:19:27.520 Yeah. 1549 01:19:27.520 --> 01:19:28.520 Okay. 1550 01:19:28.520 --> 01:19:29.520 I know tonight was a passionate talk because talking about entitlement is challenging because 1551 01:19:29.520 --> 01:19:30.520 when we're entitled, we get offended. 1552 01:19:30.520 --> 01:19:31.520 And I've been in the seat, like I had to have this same tension, uh, uh, uh, talk. 1553 01:19:31.520 --> 01:19:32.520 And I was very, babe, I had more shoes and cubs and chewed and get out of my seat. 1554 01:19:32.520 --> 01:19:33.520 And I was very, babe, I had more shoes and cubs and chewed and get out of my seat. 1555 01:19:34.520 --> 01:19:46.000 And I was very, babe, I had more shoes and cubs and chewed and get out of my face if 1556 01:19:46.000 --> 01:19:47.000 you ain't going to do this. 1557 01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:49.740 And I don't really care because it don't really matter to me. 1558 01:19:49.740 --> 01:19:51.160 Then it didn't go over well. 1559 01:19:51.160 --> 01:19:57.600 I didn't get many dates, but also, um, good. 1560 01:19:57.600 --> 01:20:00.080 Who else, is there anybody else? 1561 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.400 Before I take one more question, I know, ladies. 1562 01:20:04.400 --> 01:20:07.720 Is there anybody else that I asked you to get on so that I 1563 01:20:07.720 --> 01:20:09.240 can unpack with you? 1564 01:20:09.240 --> 01:20:10.720 Thank you. 1565 01:20:10.720 --> 01:20:12.240 See, you're welcome, because that 1566 01:20:12.240 --> 01:20:15.680 means I didn't respond to you in the app, which 1567 01:20:15.680 --> 01:20:17.400 made the time longer. 1568 01:20:17.400 --> 01:20:22.280 Because it was a lot, and we couldn't do it that way. 1569 01:20:22.280 --> 01:20:23.280 All right. 1570 01:20:23.280 --> 01:20:25.360 OK. 1571 01:20:25.360 --> 01:20:28.440 Go for it, whoever has a question. 1572 01:20:28.440 --> 01:20:29.440 OK. 1573 01:20:29.440 --> 01:20:30.560 Hello. 1574 01:20:30.560 --> 01:20:31.080 Hello. 1575 01:20:31.080 --> 01:20:31.840 Hello, hello. 1576 01:20:31.840 --> 01:20:32.880 Good to see you. 1577 01:20:32.880 --> 01:20:33.920 Good to see you, Didi. 1578 01:20:33.920 --> 01:20:34.640 We missed you. 1579 01:20:34.640 --> 01:20:36.280 She's in phase three now. 1580 01:20:36.280 --> 01:20:37.760 She's a graduate. 1581 01:20:37.760 --> 01:20:42.400 Listen, I'm just, well, there's a couple of things. 1582 01:20:42.400 --> 01:20:45.080 I've got some good news, which I'll give after. 1583 01:20:45.080 --> 01:20:48.320 But I just wanted to comment quickly about something 1584 01:20:48.320 --> 01:20:49.320 that's popped up for me. 1585 01:20:49.320 --> 01:20:50.960 I just, I don't want to date, Ebony. 1586 01:20:50.960 --> 01:20:52.600 I don't want to date at all. 1587 01:20:52.600 --> 01:20:55.480 I put my arc on pause just before Christmas. 1588 01:20:55.480 --> 01:20:56.640 I don't know if you remember. 1589 01:20:56.640 --> 01:20:58.720 Or yeah, even maybe just after Thanksgiving. 1590 01:20:59.640 --> 01:21:01.960 And I have no will or desire. 1591 01:21:01.960 --> 01:21:03.360 And I'm just like, what is this? 1592 01:21:03.360 --> 01:21:04.400 Like, is this OK? 1593 01:21:04.400 --> 01:21:05.320 Or is this not OK? 1594 01:21:05.320 --> 01:21:06.960 And I just want to throw it out to you, 1595 01:21:06.960 --> 01:21:08.800 because I know you can spot whatever. 1596 01:21:08.800 --> 01:21:10.480 So that's happening. 1597 01:21:10.480 --> 01:21:12.400 I have felt in the last couple of days 1598 01:21:12.400 --> 01:21:13.680 I should get on the apps again. 1599 01:21:13.680 --> 01:21:15.240 And I mean it should in a healthy way, 1600 01:21:15.240 --> 01:21:17.320 not like I should like doing anything. 1601 01:21:17.320 --> 01:21:18.360 So that's a good thing. 1602 01:21:18.360 --> 01:21:21.360 Because before it was like, no, I'm like, I can just. 1603 01:21:21.360 --> 01:21:23.760 But that's more right now, today, last couple of days, 1604 01:21:23.760 --> 01:21:26.000 I'm just like, I could just keep going and just 1605 01:21:26.000 --> 01:21:26.880 be in the community. 1606 01:21:26.880 --> 01:21:28.360 And I'm just like, is that healthy? 1607 01:21:29.320 --> 01:21:31.560 Anyway, there's that. 1608 01:21:31.560 --> 01:21:34.720 So any thoughts there? 1609 01:21:34.720 --> 01:21:36.960 I don't think there's anything wrong with an individual 1610 01:21:36.960 --> 01:21:39.280 taking a break from apps. 1611 01:21:39.280 --> 01:21:41.160 I think if you want to be on it, be on it. 1612 01:21:41.160 --> 01:21:43.360 Sometimes you have to watch this thing. 1613 01:21:43.360 --> 01:21:44.920 It can be a little sneaky. 1614 01:21:44.920 --> 01:21:47.200 But sometimes you can feel like you don't know. 1615 01:21:47.200 --> 01:21:48.160 It's right at the front. 1616 01:21:48.160 --> 01:21:50.880 If I'm not working hard, if I'm not showing up, 1617 01:21:50.880 --> 01:21:52.240 I could be missing out. 1618 01:21:52.240 --> 01:21:56.520 Or I'm not doing my part as a partner in this process. 1619 01:21:56.560 --> 01:22:00.360 And that's not true. 1620 01:22:00.360 --> 01:22:03.320 There is no requirement of such sorts 1621 01:22:03.320 --> 01:22:06.040 that you continue a process where you need to rest. 1622 01:22:06.040 --> 01:22:09.400 Because ultimately, God is writing your love story. 1623 01:22:09.400 --> 01:22:11.400 And you can stay on the app, send up to Sundown, 1624 01:22:11.400 --> 01:22:12.680 and go on 400 dates. 1625 01:22:12.680 --> 01:22:14.200 And still not. 1626 01:22:14.200 --> 01:22:16.000 And what happens is you get crushed, 1627 01:22:16.000 --> 01:22:17.200 and you get discouraged. 1628 01:22:17.200 --> 01:22:18.880 And it's like, God, where are you? 1629 01:22:18.880 --> 01:22:20.400 Because I'm showing up to the table. 1630 01:22:20.400 --> 01:22:22.000 You have not bought this man yet. 1631 01:22:22.000 --> 01:22:23.040 I've done my hard work. 1632 01:22:23.040 --> 01:22:24.320 I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. 1633 01:22:24.320 --> 01:22:25.320 And he's not coming. 1634 01:22:25.320 --> 01:22:28.120 And so it's really important that you listen and have 1635 01:22:28.120 --> 01:22:31.640 discernment when you want to rest. 1636 01:22:31.640 --> 01:22:32.140 Right? 1637 01:22:32.140 --> 01:22:32.640 Thank you. 1638 01:22:32.640 --> 01:22:35.160 You have to remember that God is building capacity in us 1639 01:22:35.160 --> 01:22:37.800 for all areas of our life. 1640 01:22:37.800 --> 01:22:39.880 And when he writes the love story, ladies, 1641 01:22:39.880 --> 01:22:43.240 the hardest part is that we're not in control. 1642 01:22:43.240 --> 01:22:44.960 It really is. 1643 01:22:44.960 --> 01:22:48.120 And his greatest desire and concern is for us. 1644 01:22:48.120 --> 01:22:49.000 It's over your heart. 1645 01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:50.120 It speaks to our marriage. 1646 01:22:50.120 --> 01:22:51.520 And he loves marriage. 1647 01:22:51.520 --> 01:22:54.320 But he wants you first. 1648 01:22:54.320 --> 01:22:57.920 And so remember, you have a God that's chasing you. 1649 01:22:57.920 --> 01:22:59.480 Marriage is a light thing. 1650 01:22:59.480 --> 01:23:01.280 So then you say, why don't you do it? 1651 01:23:01.280 --> 01:23:05.160 But for some of us, the most commitment 1652 01:23:05.160 --> 01:23:08.520 that we do have to the Father is when we want something, 1653 01:23:08.520 --> 01:23:09.960 when we're believing for something. 1654 01:23:09.960 --> 01:23:12.280 It's just the way it is sometimes with us humans. 1655 01:23:12.280 --> 01:23:12.880 Right? 1656 01:23:12.880 --> 01:23:16.600 With the order of our flesh, and that's OK. 1657 01:23:16.600 --> 01:23:19.240 But the thing about partnering with heaven for marriage 1658 01:23:19.240 --> 01:23:20.760 is you go all in. 1659 01:23:20.760 --> 01:23:22.200 And so there's the tear, right? 1660 01:23:22.200 --> 01:23:25.920 Because you're all in, or you kind of wadda, wadda, wadda, 1661 01:23:25.920 --> 01:23:27.640 and you don't know which place to be. 1662 01:23:27.640 --> 01:23:29.400 And it feels like if you take a break, 1663 01:23:29.400 --> 01:23:31.080 you're like wadda, wadda, like you could 1664 01:23:31.080 --> 01:23:32.240 feel like you're not all in. 1665 01:23:32.240 --> 01:23:33.640 Those are some of the experiences 1666 01:23:33.640 --> 01:23:35.040 I've had on my journey. 1667 01:23:35.040 --> 01:23:39.800 And so Dee, I say take a break when you want to take a break. 1668 01:23:39.800 --> 01:23:44.000 And let the unctioning lead you back to that place. 1669 01:23:44.000 --> 01:23:44.920 Thank you. 1670 01:23:44.920 --> 01:23:45.880 Yeah, thanks for that. 1671 01:23:45.880 --> 01:23:49.240 Because I could be like, nah, I'm not really bothered. 1672 01:23:49.240 --> 01:23:50.640 But I know I'm in this community. 1673 01:23:50.680 --> 01:23:53.040 So it's kind of like, I'm focusing on other things 1674 01:23:53.040 --> 01:23:54.520 right now, and I'm happy with that. 1675 01:23:54.520 --> 01:23:56.560 And consider this. 1676 01:23:56.560 --> 01:23:58.600 Seven-day challenges is to get us out there 1677 01:23:58.600 --> 01:24:02.240 and to get us moving and get us processing, 1678 01:24:02.240 --> 01:24:04.120 get us to build capacity. 1679 01:24:04.120 --> 01:24:08.840 But at some point, 14 days is going to be like, OK, now, 1680 01:24:08.840 --> 01:24:10.240 when is this phase over with? 1681 01:24:10.240 --> 01:24:12.040 And you've been doing this for a while. 1682 01:24:12.040 --> 01:24:13.800 You've been in phase two for a while 1683 01:24:13.800 --> 01:24:15.320 before you even went to phase three. 1684 01:24:15.320 --> 01:24:17.000 And phase three doesn't mean this, 1685 01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:19.000 but I'm saying this to you, Dee, and you guys. 1686 01:24:19.000 --> 01:24:21.760 Some coaching is directly to that person because 1687 01:24:21.760 --> 01:24:23.800 of the journey that they've had. 1688 01:24:23.800 --> 01:24:25.920 Now, you're going to start weaning things down 1689 01:24:25.920 --> 01:24:30.400 to more spiritual DNA because you've processed 1690 01:24:30.400 --> 01:24:31.440 through a lot of things. 1691 01:24:31.440 --> 01:24:36.080 And this may be where you start being a little more cut 1692 01:24:36.080 --> 01:24:39.320 and shiveled about the people that you choose. 1693 01:24:39.320 --> 01:24:43.160 Because now, you've grown from this place. 1694 01:24:43.160 --> 01:24:44.520 You've made the capacity. 1695 01:24:44.520 --> 01:24:48.040 And these are the things you ask the Lord. 1696 01:24:48.040 --> 01:24:49.880 If there's more growth, I welcome it. 1697 01:24:49.880 --> 01:24:51.880 And it's going to continue to be growth. 1698 01:24:51.880 --> 01:24:54.360 But you're not going to continue like a mad woman 1699 01:24:54.360 --> 01:24:58.600 for a seven-day challenge on the 14th day. 1700 01:24:58.600 --> 01:25:01.200 That's going to get tiring. 1701 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.280 You're not trying to make a career out of it. 1702 01:25:03.280 --> 01:25:06.000 And so that's why it's important to be sensitive 1703 01:25:06.000 --> 01:25:08.040 to what you're experiencing. 1704 01:25:08.040 --> 01:25:09.060 Thank you. 1705 01:25:09.060 --> 01:25:11.560 Yeah, you appreciate that. 1706 01:25:11.560 --> 01:25:12.720 Good news. 1707 01:25:12.720 --> 01:25:14.360 Yes. 1708 01:25:14.360 --> 01:25:16.840 My second grandbaby came a couple of days ago. 1709 01:25:17.720 --> 01:25:18.880 He's gorgeous. 1710 01:25:18.880 --> 01:25:20.000 I'm just like, 1711 01:25:23.200 --> 01:25:24.040 God is good. 1712 01:25:24.040 --> 01:25:24.860 He's just done it again. 1713 01:25:24.860 --> 01:25:27.240 You know, it's just like seeing my children's children. 1714 01:25:27.240 --> 01:25:31.600 I'm just like, if you knew, if you knew, 1715 01:25:31.600 --> 01:25:34.120 if you knew how the devil tried to take us both out 1716 01:25:34.120 --> 01:25:36.080 while I was pregnant. 1717 01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:37.440 And there she is, you know, 1718 01:25:37.440 --> 01:25:39.520 got to walk her down the aisle a couple of years ago 1719 01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:40.720 and she's happily married. 1720 01:25:40.720 --> 01:25:42.640 She's like broken, all the things, you know, 1721 01:25:42.640 --> 01:25:44.840 and she's just popping them out. 1722 01:25:44.840 --> 01:25:48.200 And I'm just like, I get to see that in my lifetime. 1723 01:25:48.200 --> 01:25:49.040 Yeah. 1724 01:25:49.040 --> 01:25:49.880 God is so great. 1725 01:25:49.880 --> 01:25:51.880 So I'm just celebrating that with you. 1726 01:25:51.880 --> 01:25:55.680 I just want to share it like it's the best, the best. 1727 01:25:55.680 --> 01:25:58.080 The only horrible thing is that not in person, you know, 1728 01:25:58.080 --> 01:26:00.920 but the, you know, just the blessing. 1729 01:26:00.920 --> 01:26:02.520 I'm just blessed beyond measure. 1730 01:26:02.520 --> 01:26:04.080 So I just wanted to share that with you. 1731 01:26:04.080 --> 01:26:06.000 Yeah, praise God. 1732 01:26:06.000 --> 01:26:07.840 Praise him. 1733 01:26:07.840 --> 01:26:08.680 Praise him. 1734 01:26:08.680 --> 01:26:10.160 Thank you for sharing. 1735 01:26:10.160 --> 01:26:12.320 Oh man, nothing like the look of a grandparent 1736 01:26:12.320 --> 01:26:13.680 when they grandbaby come. 1737 01:26:16.720 --> 01:26:18.560 God is just, whoo, 1738 01:26:18.560 --> 01:26:19.800 you know, beneath me. 1739 01:26:21.800 --> 01:26:22.640 Anyway, thank you. 1740 01:26:22.640 --> 01:26:23.800 I'm so happy. 1741 01:26:23.800 --> 01:26:25.640 Thank you for coming by to share that with us. 1742 01:26:26.480 --> 01:26:27.320 And keep coming. 1743 01:26:27.320 --> 01:26:28.160 We're here. 1744 01:26:28.160 --> 01:26:29.000 Thank you. 1745 01:26:29.000 --> 01:26:29.840 Yeah. 1746 01:26:29.840 --> 01:26:31.440 Post a picture of your grandbaby. 1747 01:26:31.440 --> 01:26:33.840 We would like to see your grandbaby. 1748 01:26:33.840 --> 01:26:36.440 You got to post it in phase two though. 1749 01:26:36.440 --> 01:26:40.200 Oh, I don't post photos of babies. 1750 01:26:40.200 --> 01:26:42.880 Oh, I was wondering, that's why I said one, two, 1751 01:26:42.880 --> 01:26:43.720 because- 1752 01:26:43.720 --> 01:26:44.840 Yeah, and I heard you say that. 1753 01:26:44.840 --> 01:26:45.800 I heard you say that. 1754 01:26:45.800 --> 01:26:46.920 And yeah, so yeah. 1755 01:26:46.920 --> 01:26:50.280 I had, funnily enough, my daughter sent a message to all, 1756 01:26:50.280 --> 01:26:52.120 no posting on my bed and I cracked up. 1757 01:26:52.120 --> 01:26:53.920 I'm like, why are you sending that to me of all people? 1758 01:26:53.920 --> 01:26:55.720 Like, I'm the last person you need to, 1759 01:26:55.720 --> 01:26:58.000 but it was, I know it's for his side. 1760 01:26:58.000 --> 01:26:59.280 Because anyone's happy, I get it. 1761 01:26:59.280 --> 01:27:00.480 But it's different than that. 1762 01:27:00.480 --> 01:27:01.920 That's how my sister, 1763 01:27:01.920 --> 01:27:03.440 she doesn't like anyone to have a baby. 1764 01:27:03.440 --> 01:27:05.760 So that's why I was like, if you want to, 1765 01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:06.600 and I've been- 1766 01:27:06.600 --> 01:27:07.440 You picked that up, right? 1767 01:27:07.440 --> 01:27:08.560 I know. 1768 01:27:08.560 --> 01:27:09.920 I've been sneaking over there to phase three 1769 01:27:09.920 --> 01:27:10.760 to check on you. 1770 01:27:10.760 --> 01:27:12.920 I've been over there and come over 1771 01:27:12.920 --> 01:27:15.120 and check on everybody that goes on there. 1772 01:27:15.120 --> 01:27:15.960 Thank you. 1773 01:27:15.960 --> 01:27:16.800 It's good to see you though. 1774 01:27:16.800 --> 01:27:17.640 Thank you so much. 1775 01:27:17.640 --> 01:27:18.480 You're welcome. 1776 01:27:18.480 --> 01:27:19.320 Good to see you. 1777 01:27:19.320 --> 01:27:20.160 All right, ladies. 1778 01:27:20.160 --> 01:27:21.360 This is, I'm going to post, 1779 01:27:21.360 --> 01:27:24.160 and if your hand is up for me to grab a question, 1780 01:27:24.160 --> 01:27:26.160 I want to end probably at 830 time. 1781 01:27:26.160 --> 01:27:27.240 We've got one minute. 1782 01:27:27.240 --> 01:27:28.760 And so post it for me, Renee. 1783 01:27:28.760 --> 01:27:29.840 I really want to hear from you. 1784 01:27:29.840 --> 01:27:32.040 So if you will post it on the community wall 1785 01:27:32.040 --> 01:27:34.600 or do a recording, I would love a recording. 1786 01:27:34.600 --> 01:27:36.360 Heather, it's so good to see you. 1787 01:27:36.360 --> 01:27:37.520 I would love to catch up. 1788 01:27:37.520 --> 01:27:38.840 I know it's just, I was like, 1789 01:27:38.840 --> 01:27:42.160 Heather, it's like your superstar over here, girl. 1790 01:27:44.000 --> 01:27:46.120 But one of the, 1791 01:27:46.120 --> 01:27:47.240 and I'm just going to read it right quick, 1792 01:27:47.240 --> 01:27:48.080 but I'll post it. 1793 01:27:48.080 --> 01:27:50.000 One of the activations for this week 1794 01:27:50.000 --> 01:27:53.440 is going to be choose one anonymous 1795 01:27:53.440 --> 01:27:56.480 or unreturnable act of kindness. 1796 01:27:56.480 --> 01:28:00.400 We believe that this helps a lot with entitlement. 1797 01:28:00.400 --> 01:28:02.120 So you're going to do one anonymous 1798 01:28:02.120 --> 01:28:04.360 or unreturnable act of kindness. 1799 01:28:04.360 --> 01:28:05.840 These are the rules. 1800 01:28:05.840 --> 01:28:06.920 No credit. 1801 01:28:06.920 --> 01:28:07.920 You get no credit for it. 1802 01:28:07.920 --> 01:28:09.120 You get no recognition for it. 1803 01:28:09.120 --> 01:28:11.240 You get no thank you or no follow-up. 1804 01:28:11.240 --> 01:28:12.720 Now somebody could say thank you, right? 1805 01:28:12.720 --> 01:28:14.120 But that's just kind of the rules. 1806 01:28:14.120 --> 01:28:16.120 Like you're not looking for any of those things 1807 01:28:16.120 --> 01:28:17.160 when you do that. 1808 01:28:17.160 --> 01:28:18.520 You're not looking for anything. 1809 01:28:18.520 --> 01:28:21.920 You're just going to do one unreturnable act of kindness. 1810 01:28:23.840 --> 01:28:24.680 Right? 1811 01:28:26.200 --> 01:28:27.960 One unreturnable act of kindness. 1812 01:28:27.960 --> 01:28:31.240 Now Carla had this really great idea that she did. 1813 01:28:31.240 --> 01:28:33.560 Oh, oh Lord, my minute is here. 1814 01:28:33.560 --> 01:28:35.160 She, they do it for Christmas 1815 01:28:35.160 --> 01:28:37.880 and this doesn't have to be money though, for real. 1816 01:28:37.880 --> 01:28:40.520 But they'll go make somebody's Christmas 1817 01:28:40.520 --> 01:28:41.720 and put it at their door, 1818 01:28:41.720 --> 01:28:43.720 ring the doorbell and run, jump in the car 1819 01:28:43.720 --> 01:28:45.800 and they never know who did it. 1820 01:28:45.800 --> 01:28:48.320 And so if you work in the school system or your job, 1821 01:28:49.120 --> 01:28:50.240 you can put something on somebody's desk 1822 01:28:50.240 --> 01:28:52.200 or you know, whatever you want to do. 1823 01:28:52.200 --> 01:28:55.640 You can give a, you can actually compliment someone. 1824 01:28:56.840 --> 01:28:58.680 You can find something good about them. 1825 01:28:58.680 --> 01:29:00.520 You can be a gold digger this week. 1826 01:29:00.520 --> 01:29:02.360 Look for the gold in people. 1827 01:29:02.360 --> 01:29:04.280 Look for the gold in the men on the apps 1828 01:29:04.280 --> 01:29:06.000 that you're matching with. 1829 01:29:06.000 --> 01:29:08.320 Now don't pick something come rusty crusted 1830 01:29:08.320 --> 01:29:09.280 then look for some gold. 1831 01:29:09.280 --> 01:29:10.120 Don't do that. 1832 01:29:10.120 --> 01:29:12.160 You don't need to pick somebody you can look at 1833 01:29:12.160 --> 01:29:13.760 or go to a call the day with 1834 01:29:13.760 --> 01:29:15.640 and then find some gold in him 1835 01:29:15.640 --> 01:29:17.080 when you want to find something else. 1836 01:29:17.080 --> 01:29:18.480 But look, don't drop this thing. 1837 01:29:18.480 --> 01:29:19.800 Don't drop down too low. 1838 01:29:19.800 --> 01:29:21.240 That ain't gonna work out. 1839 01:29:21.240 --> 01:29:23.120 But you know what I'm saying? 1840 01:29:23.120 --> 01:29:28.120 And so no cost or low cost ideas will be leave a genuine. 1841 01:29:28.640 --> 01:29:29.800 Well, I don't know if there's a low cost. 1842 01:29:29.800 --> 01:29:31.880 Leave a generous tip for a server 1843 01:29:31.880 --> 01:29:35.520 or walk and walk away before they notice 1844 01:29:35.520 --> 01:29:38.000 or pay for someone's coffee or meal anonymously. 1845 01:29:38.000 --> 01:29:39.960 Return a shopping cart for someone else 1846 01:29:39.960 --> 01:29:42.200 without saying anything. 1847 01:29:42.200 --> 01:29:43.480 Give a kind compliment. 1848 01:29:43.480 --> 01:29:45.640 Leave a thank you note for service worker 1849 01:29:45.680 --> 01:29:47.480 or delivery person without signing it. 1850 01:29:47.480 --> 01:29:50.320 Leave a note for the Amazon package man. 1851 01:29:50.320 --> 01:29:52.440 Put for Amazon man on there. 1852 01:29:53.840 --> 01:29:56.760 Put them a little bottle of water out there. 1853 01:29:56.760 --> 01:29:57.640 Hold the door. 1854 01:29:57.640 --> 01:30:00.200 Let someone go first or offer a small courtesy. 1855 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.000 Leave flowers or a plant at a neighbor's door with no name. 1856 01:30:05.000 --> 01:30:08.420 Pick up trash in a shared space without telling anyone. 1857 01:30:08.420 --> 01:30:10.260 Leave a gift card tucked into a book 1858 01:30:10.260 --> 01:30:12.400 at a coffee shop or a bookstore. 1859 01:30:12.400 --> 01:30:15.500 Quietly do a helpful task no one wants to do, 1860 01:30:15.500 --> 01:30:18.020 like clean a shared space, organize something at work, 1861 01:30:18.020 --> 01:30:20.160 no cost, or maybe take out the trash. 1862 01:30:25.060 --> 01:30:29.660 Oh, donate to a cause quietly and intentionally. 1863 01:30:29.660 --> 01:30:32.160 But I'm going to post that in the app, 1864 01:30:32.160 --> 01:30:34.060 and I'm going to post the other things 1865 01:30:34.060 --> 01:30:35.300 that I want you to think about. 1866 01:30:35.300 --> 01:30:37.620 One thing I really, really, really, really, really. 1867 01:30:37.620 --> 01:30:39.100 Ladies, this question that we said, 1868 01:30:39.100 --> 01:30:41.860 how can you honor your worth without demanding others 1869 01:30:41.860 --> 01:30:46.020 to prove it to you, this one hits deep. 1870 01:30:46.020 --> 01:30:47.460 How can you honor your worth? 1871 01:30:47.460 --> 01:30:49.860 Because it's going to require you to examine yourself 1872 01:30:49.860 --> 01:30:53.660 and to examine your worth and value. 1873 01:30:53.660 --> 01:30:57.020 Because when we carry honor and worth and value for ourselves, 1874 01:30:57.020 --> 01:31:00.860 we do not demand it from others. 1875 01:31:00.860 --> 01:31:03.780 You know, if it's a party going on, 1876 01:31:03.780 --> 01:31:05.420 people come to join a party. 1877 01:31:05.420 --> 01:31:07.660 That's just how it works. 1878 01:31:07.660 --> 01:31:09.820 However you are, that's the only way I know you. 1879 01:31:09.820 --> 01:31:11.220 So I can give an example of that. 1880 01:31:11.220 --> 01:31:12.860 How can you honor your worth and value 1881 01:31:12.860 --> 01:31:14.700 without demanding others to prove it to you 1882 01:31:14.700 --> 01:31:17.140 is when you put expectations on somebody else that 1883 01:31:17.140 --> 01:31:20.380 attach to them proving that you're somebody or something. 1884 01:31:20.380 --> 01:31:25.500 So like when you say, I'm just going to use this for example, 1885 01:31:25.500 --> 01:31:28.980 Nadine, this is no slack to you. 1886 01:31:28.980 --> 01:31:30.620 This may not be as real as it can get, 1887 01:31:30.620 --> 01:31:33.660 but it's just the best example I can think of right now. 1888 01:31:33.660 --> 01:31:36.140 Treat me like I'm a princess. 1889 01:31:36.140 --> 01:31:38.300 Treat me like I'm a queen. 1890 01:31:38.300 --> 01:31:40.220 Well, you're a queen, show up as a queen. 1891 01:31:40.220 --> 01:31:42.420 You have that honor and value and worth for yourself. 1892 01:31:42.420 --> 01:31:43.220 It's in you. 1893 01:31:43.220 --> 01:31:45.300 It's already who you are. 1894 01:31:45.300 --> 01:31:49.780 They don't have to prove it to you by doing certain things 1895 01:31:49.780 --> 01:31:51.580 that you deem they should do. 1896 01:31:51.580 --> 01:31:52.980 Should a person be mistreating you? 1897 01:31:52.980 --> 01:31:55.020 No, but if a person mistreated you 1898 01:31:55.020 --> 01:31:57.940 and you are in your queendom order, 1899 01:31:57.940 --> 01:32:02.460 you're not going to even allow that type of behavior. 1900 01:32:02.460 --> 01:32:04.820 You're just going to say, hey, that doesn't work for me. 1901 01:32:04.820 --> 01:32:07.260 You're not going to be mad at them. 1902 01:32:07.260 --> 01:32:08.880 It's just that it doesn't work for you. 1903 01:32:08.880 --> 01:32:10.620 It may work for somebody else, but it just 1904 01:32:10.620 --> 01:32:13.460 doesn't work for you. 1905 01:32:13.460 --> 01:32:15.220 I had this guy cuss me out one time 1906 01:32:15.220 --> 01:32:17.220 because I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. 1907 01:32:17.220 --> 01:32:19.020 And I didn't care about him cussing me out. 1908 01:32:19.020 --> 01:32:22.820 I laughed at him because I realized he got a problem. 1909 01:32:22.820 --> 01:32:25.540 That boy cussed me out like he been doing me all my life. 1910 01:32:25.540 --> 01:32:28.180 I couldn't believe he cussed me out so bad on a text message 1911 01:32:28.180 --> 01:32:29.620 like that and expect me to read it. 1912 01:32:29.620 --> 01:32:31.540 After he said the first one, I went ahead. 1913 01:32:31.540 --> 01:32:32.660 He said like three more. 1914 01:32:32.660 --> 01:32:33.460 I didn't even read. 1915 01:32:33.460 --> 01:32:34.340 I just blocked him. 1916 01:32:34.340 --> 01:32:35.860 I said, this fool is crazy. 1917 01:32:38.940 --> 01:32:40.660 This man was really crazy. 1918 01:32:40.660 --> 01:32:42.700 I'd never experienced anything like that. 1919 01:32:42.700 --> 01:32:45.540 But anyway, so I hope that helps. 1920 01:32:45.540 --> 01:32:48.020 If it doesn't, I'll try to put up some more examples later. 1921 01:32:48.020 --> 01:32:49.020 You guys have been a blast. 1922 01:32:49.020 --> 01:32:51.140 Deidre, will you repost that question you asked me 1923 01:32:51.140 --> 01:32:55.300 so I can answer it in the app, if you don't mind? 1924 01:32:55.300 --> 01:32:56.860 I didn't forget that I told you that. 1925 01:32:56.860 --> 01:33:00.460 And so I really would like you to do that, if you will. 1926 01:33:00.460 --> 01:33:02.420 All right, ladies, it's been a blast. 1927 01:33:02.420 --> 01:33:04.420 And I'll try to take more questions next time. 1928 01:33:04.420 --> 01:33:06.020 But I need to get through that teaching 1929 01:33:06.020 --> 01:33:08.260 because it is very impactful teaching. 1930 01:33:08.260 --> 01:33:09.580 And it affects our life. 1931 01:33:09.580 --> 01:33:10.380 So you guys have it. 1932 01:33:10.380 --> 01:33:11.580 Love you, too, Denise. 1933 01:33:11.580 --> 01:33:14.300 So glad you're coming back over to our side of town. 1934 01:33:14.300 --> 01:33:15.580 Ladies, have a great night. 1935 01:33:15.580 --> 01:33:17.940 And I will see you next Tuesday. 1936 01:33:17.940 --> 01:33:18.740 Thank you. 1937 01:33:18.740 --> 01:33:19.740 Thank you, Emmy. 1938 01:33:19.740 --> 01:33:20.700 Thank you, Ebony. 1939 01:33:20.740 --> 01:33:21.740 Thank you, Ebony. 1940 01:33:21.740 --> 01:33:22.740 Always a blast. 1941 01:33:22.740 --> 01:33:23.740 Love you. 1942 01:33:23.740 --> 01:33:24.740 Good night, y'all. 1943 01:33:24.740 --> 01:33:25.740 Thanks, ladies. 1944 01:33:25.740 --> 01:33:26.740 Thank you. 1945 01:33:26.740 --> 01:33:27.740 Bye-bye. 1946 01:33:27.740 --> 01:33:28.740 Bye. 1947 01:33:28.740 --> 01:33:29.740 Bye.