WEBVTT

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start recording lady look it's so good to see you all tonight Rosanna this is your first time with

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us live yes yes well welcome welcome welcome we are so happy to have you I didn't even see all

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the other ladies come in on the other side I need this thing to show me everybody but it does

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see I didn't see you ladies sneaking to the room hey Nadine Yesenna uh Kenyan, Laurie, Tim, Leah,

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Amanda, Cherie, Nikki, Lydia, Joanne, Christina, Suzanne, Cynthia, see it's so good to see y'all

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tonight all right now somebody's name I mixed up K-A-N-Y-A-N I am almost certain I said your name

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wrong um yeah no worry you can call me Connie Connie yeah okay yeah LaVette has come in the

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room she snuck in on me I'm telling you I wish that I don't know why I can't see everybody at

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the same time like when you watch a replay and everybody comes up on the screen but I guess if

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that happened I wouldn't see anybody well listen ladies I'm excited about tonight because um this

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is a really good teaching I believe that you're going to benefit from it greatly and so Father

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God I want to open with prayer I thank you for these ladies I thank you for um the power and

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the strength and the resilience that lives on the inside of them I thank you Lord God as they walk

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with you on this journey that they're becoming more and more resilient I thank you Lord God

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that you're expanding their capacity for what you have in store for them I thank you Lord that you

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are the God where nothing is missed nothing is overlooked and you are intentional about your

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daughters and so I thank you for being the God of intentions on tonight in Jesus name amen amen amen

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amen all right so um I just want to welcome all of our newest members ladies if you will give them

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some love in the chat um reminder if you gifted gifted ladies because I know we all carry this

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because most women just carry nurturing and um wisdom um of some level and so be reminded that

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when we're encouraging our sisters and keep encouraging each other don't feel pressure to

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put on your leader hat or put on your mother hat or put put on don't don't don't don't put that

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pressure on yourself let us coach and we want you to just relax and enjoy the process and encourage

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each other along the way but don't carry um a burden um to rescue okay sounds good can we do

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that ladies um good and uh just like in phase one we encourage you not to rush through the hard work

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don't rush through the dating process this was my most favorite phase of them all um those of you

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who are new I um was in the program about four years ago and uh I um they kept me around

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but yeah and so this was my most favorite phase it grew me the most it changed me it made me

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powerful God used it as a tool in my life to sharpen me to shape me to heal me and to grow me

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and I am a living testimony of what this phase number two can do dating and growing and expanding

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your capacity and just working it like it's a class submitting yourself to the order and seeing

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what can be produced in your life is beautiful beyond what you can imagine and so whatever you're

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carrying drop it and pick up what's being offered the teachings that Jackie have put has put together

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for you all and the wisdom um that rests here and I guarantee you you will come out better on

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the other side for it we're all about building capacity so I know that when we come out of phase

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one it's like my heart is healed I'm ready where is he God God God hey you know hey I thought we

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had a deal I get healed you give me a man God where are you and this phase is that in-between

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place let me tell you something do you ladies know what you do in between the the the promise

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and purpose who knows what we do in the middle it's called prepare so anytime you feel like hey

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God made this promise and it's not coming guess what season you're in preparation that's what you

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do in the meantime you prepare so that means that there's still some space there he's still preparing

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you if there's some space there there's still preparation time not waiting time not holding time

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not releasing on your behalf time but preparation time and so one of the questions I always ask

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myself and I encourage you to ask yourself is this okay God if you're not moving in this area

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where are you

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If you're not talking about something in this area, what are you talking about?

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Okay.

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And you still continue to contend for the promise.

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You still keep hope.

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You still keep partnering, but recognize the season that you're in so that you won't find

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yourself sitting in the judgment seat of what God could do, what he should do, and what

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he did for Susie.

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Because you don't know the level of racial relationship that Susie has.

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You don't know if it's bringing the fullness out of her.

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All you know is that Susie got married, and when Susie get married, I like to say, oh,

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God is in my neighborhood.

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He's on the way.

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I see manifestation all around me.

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He's on the way.

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And so when Susie get married, don't feel like God gave Susie something you don't know.

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Who gave Susie that marriage?

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And you don't know what's in store for her in her marriage.

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You don't know in the area she refused to grow, how hard the next five years are going

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to be for her.

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You don't know where she refused to grow in 10 years, everything is going to fall apart

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because she is not equipped to handle it.

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What I'm saying to you is this program is equipping you to handle what is to come.

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And so next time you see somebody getting married, next time you see somebody's womb

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is being filled with a baby, you say, God, you're in my neighborhood, and I know that

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you're on the way because manifestation is all around me.

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Can we do that?

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Are we all together?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Good.

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All right.

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So don't rush through this phase, enjoy it.

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It is worth it.

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And don't forget you ladies that we have one-on-one coaching for these heavy things that you want

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to unpack.

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And there was some confusion.

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It's not free.

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There is a fee, but it will be well worth it.

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We have some very qualified coaches and you will enjoy it.

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And then who wants to share how the activation went this week?

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The entitlement activation.

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We didn't get a lot of feedback on the page, but any aha moments from the entitlement?

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Anybody try something, do something different?

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God's moving.

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I'd rather stay single and prepared than rush and marry the wrong.

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Come on, Amanda.

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I will amen you on that one, honey.

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Co-signing for you.

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I've been there, done that.

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Hey Claudia.

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Hey Nancy.

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Hey Jodi.

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Hey Gail.

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Hey Damaris.

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Hey Diana.

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And hey, Karen.

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Anybody want to share?

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Pretty is back in the house.

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Hey Pretty.

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Karen, I like seeing your smile.

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Hey Lydia.

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Anybody want to share?

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No, no shares.

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Okay.

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We're going to keep going.

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All right.

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So tonight ladies, we are talking about bound.

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Diana you look beautiful.

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I just had to stop and say that.

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I don't know if it's the way you've done your hair.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I'm going to cut it.

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I just had to stop and say that.

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I don't know if it's the way you've done your hair, but you look absolutely amazing.

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Okay.

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So tonight we're talking about boundaries and I want to, I'm going to move kind of fast

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because I want to get us to some breakout rooms.

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I want us to start exploring this.

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So if there's something that catches your ear that you want me to double back on, tell

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me if I'm going too fast, just do like this in the camera.

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Slow down.

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Slow down.

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Okay.

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And so everybody talks about boundaries, but sometimes we don't always know what boundaries

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mean or what they are.

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You know, and one thing I like to remind myself and everybody that boundaries are not walls.

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They're not walls.

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Boundaries are gates or fences with a gate where you let in and you let out.

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You are the gatekeeper and if you're not keeping your gate, that means you're not on your watch.

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Okay.

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And so boundary, what exactly is a boundary?

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It's an indication of a fixed limit or extent.

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There's a fixed limit or an extent and so why do we need boundaries?

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Boundaries define, protect, and sustain us.

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They define, they protect, and they sustain us.

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I think out of all my favorites, you can't, when you get them, they all do it for you,

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but they sustain.

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Boundaries have been my sustaining lifeline.

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Boundaries give my, the sustainment of boundaries, how they sustain me is the reason why I'm able

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to walk in purpose, walk in honor, walk in integrity.

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That's what boundaries do for you.

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Okay.

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Because boundaries partner with wisdom, not with fear.

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Boundaries have no relationship with walls, even though very closely related.

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Okay.

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So how do I define boundaries?

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How do they define?

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They define us because they help us with who we are

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and who we are not.

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Boundaries always define who you are and who you are not.

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This is where it gets tricky, because one

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of the enemies of boundaries, or one of the things that

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come to destroy boundaries, is when you don't know who you are

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and who you are not.

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And if we struggle with who we are and who we are not,

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we without, with default, will struggle with boundaries.

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If you don't have anything to keep safe,

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you don't see a need for boundaries,

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because you don't value what you have.

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And so if you had a house full of treasure

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and you didn't value it, you'll open the door

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to let anybody come in.

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But if you knew you had a treasure in,

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you're going to guard your door.

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You're going to guard your gate.

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And you're not going to let anybody come in and come out.

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And what happens is, when we are struggling with our identity

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of what's valuable about us, what's worthy about us,

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sometimes, by default, there is no boundary,

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because we don't know we have something to protect.

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For years, I didn't know I had something to protect.

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I didn't know I had anything valuable.

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So there wasn't even a gate.

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You just go in and out, in and out, in and out,

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because I didn't know my value.

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I didn't know my worth.

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And then I have an understanding.

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But when you find out the jewel and the treasures that

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live on the inside of you, when you develop yourself and build

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capacity, there is no way you will exchange

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what you have for pennies.

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You won't exchange your dignity, because it costs you too much.

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And sometimes, we have to evaluate who we are

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and what we carry.

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Then that, by default, creates a boundary.

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Let me give you an example.

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I can't give you all my time if I need my time to go to work,

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if I need my time to do ministry,

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if I need my time to do this.

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Or I can't stay up all night on the phone with you,

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because I get up at 3.20 in the morning.

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How am I going to stay up on the phone with you till 12 o'clock?

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Do you understand?

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Because I have a 3.20 appointment in the morning.

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By default, I have to hang up from you.

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So that boundary protects me.

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It protects my time.

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And that's how boundaries work in your favor.

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They don't work against people before they work for you.

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And if a boundary is not working for you,

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it's because you not put one in place,

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because you don't know that you have something to guard.

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You don't know that your time is valuable.

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So you'll release your time out and then have resentment

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later on, because they didn't stop.

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They didn't stop talking.

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They kept pushing.

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But you blame them and not understand

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that boundaries are for you first,

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and they come to serve you.

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Are we together?

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Yeah.

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All right.

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Boundaries also define what we own and what we don't own.

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What do I mean by that?

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What's my responsibility, and what's your responsibility?

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When there's a lack of boundaries,

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I get confused about who owns what.

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So you ignore me, and I say, what did I do wrong?

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That doesn't belong to me.

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That belongs to you.

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You didn't talk to me the next day.

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And so a part of me says, if you're not

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honoring of my presence, of my time, and then you know what?

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Oh, let me keep that to myself until you

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come to a place of honor.

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Who honored me first, though?

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Was it them or me?

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It was me.

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See, boundaries serve you before they serve someone else.

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All right?

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Boundaries also define what we like and what we don't like.

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It gives clarity on what is our responsibility

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versus what is someone else's.

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What you like, what you don't like,

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and how are we going to work all of that in between.

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Boundaries protect.

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Boundaries protect what is important to you.

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Boundaries protect what you hold value to.

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We just talked about that, what is valuable to you.

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Some of us who have children can relate to this.

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You will guard your children with all diligence.

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A mama bear will come out and tackle you down

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about her children.

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That's a boundary.

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You ain't going to mess with my babies.

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Right?

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So if you have a problem with connecting,

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something like that, you value them.

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And so somebody is not going to have

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their way with your children.

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Boundaries protect your.

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time and resources, meaning your capacity.

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And so if you've struggled with someone using up your time

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or things taking your time, and now you

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don't have time to take care of you,

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that means that there's not a boundary there

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to protect your time, your resources, and your capacity.

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That also means that there is somewhere just a wee bit off

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about your level of capacity and what you can handle, OK?

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And then boundaries also protect your well-being and safety,

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your emotional well-being, your physical well-being,

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your mental well-being.

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You can, in life, deal with some people

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who will almost mess your mind up

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if you keep talking to them.

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They are confused.

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They are frustrating.

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And sometimes you just keep talking to them

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and keep talking to them when you

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don't realize that your relationship will

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be so much more beautiful if you just had a boundary.

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There's this book called Keeping Your Love On by Danny Silk.

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And I don't know if anybody read it.

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If you have, just give me a wave or a hand.

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It is one of the most brilliant books I've ever read.

290
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I thoroughly enjoyed it.

291
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It changed my life.

292
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And it talks about keeping your love on.

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You keep your love on by setting boundaries

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so that I can love you.

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I'm just on this side of the fence.

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I see you, Joanne, and you're on that side of the fence.

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That fence is a boundary.

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It's not a wall.

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Keeping Your Love On by Danny Silk.

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All right, boundaries create, improve, and sustain.

301
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Boundaries create, improve, and sustain.

302
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They create emotional safety, stability,

303
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and overall sense of well-being.

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They let what is healthy in and keep what is healthy out.

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Boundaries improve the quality of relationships

306
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and lead to healthy relationships

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even when conflict and challenges arise or exist.

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That's what boundaries do for you.

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They pack major benefits.

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So one of the things we talk about a lot

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here is some of the boundaries that you

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get in the Boundary 101.

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And we talk about what type of boundaries

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you should have when you first start

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getting to know someone, when you first start dating them.

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And three of the boundaries that we hold fast to

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and you can do research on is true worldwide,

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not just for this program.

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Physical intimacy, emotional intimacy,

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and spiritual intimacy.

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Those are boundaries that must be held with allegiance.

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Why?

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Because when you start all this spiritual talking

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about Bible and Bible studies and prayer

325
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and going to church with somebody that you don't know,

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that in your fantasized mind that you believe you do know,

327
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but you've only been known seven days, 14 days, three weeks.

328
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When you like somebody, time just, I don't know.

329
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It feels like the more you talk, the more you know them.

330
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But I'm here to tell you that you don't know them.

331
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And so you start talking these spiritual things

332
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and it makes you believe you know a person more than you do

333
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and you really don't know them.

334
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And so yeah, they may be, in your opinion,

335
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even though you don't really know them, this wonderful man

336
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of God, but you haven't known them enough to test the fruit.

337
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You haven't known them to observe them.

338
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And so you think all about the spirit, you know them,

339
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but you're not gonna live with the spirit.

340
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You're gonna live with a man.

341
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If he don't know how to communicate, you got a problem.

342
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If he doesn't have honor and integrity, you have a problem.

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There are many men and women who get up

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and preach wonderful sermons.

345
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They lay hands on the sick and they recover

346
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and their marriages are in shambles

347
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and they don't know how to do relationship

348
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and they don't pay their bills

349
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and they're not honorable or integrous

350
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or good stewards of what they have

351
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and it doesn't change the anointing that is on their life.

352
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But when you believe that because someone shines

353
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and sparkles that that is the fullness of a person,

354
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it is just not true.

355
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And so a boundary tells you, it gives you wisdom

356
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and says it takes time to know a person.

357
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And so then when everything starts to fall apart

358
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or they actually show up as a real person

359
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and not the fantasy in your mind,

360
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you won't say they tricked you, they did not trick you.

361
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Because if you do your due diligence

362
00:19:22.840 --> 00:19:26.040
and pace and operate within boundaries,

363
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you will get to know them for yourself

364
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and make your own decisions.

365
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And so when things start kind of like,

366
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you can say, I still know you, I know you,

367
00:19:37.760 --> 00:19:39.840
what do we need to do to work on this?

368
00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:43.200
But if you're not giving it enough time,

369
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what you do find out in the second month

370
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:47.600
or the third month, probably who they are.

371
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The fantasy has just lifted.

372
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All of the, you know, the stuff we feel ladies,

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you know, don't leave me out here to hang dry.

374
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You get to a man, you like it,

375
00:19:57.120 --> 00:19:59.960
just something has been so quick on the inside.

376
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.640
feel so good. And you're like, I got him. And he's like, Oh no.

377
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:09.720
And so we're not operating in boundaries and we're not guarding

378
00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:14.360
our heart with all diligence. And so, um, boundaries, what,

379
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:17.680
what does it require for us to be successful with boundaries?

380
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Well, what do boundaries require to be successful? Boundaries

381
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require enforcement and accountability. Enforcement and

382
00:20:29.400 --> 00:20:32.680
accountability. Now, this is where the problem is going to

383
00:20:32.680 --> 00:20:36.960
come in. It is hard to hold somebody accountable when you

384
00:20:36.960 --> 00:20:41.040
don't hold yourself accountable. If you yourself don't submit to

385
00:20:41.040 --> 00:20:43.840
boundaries, then you're not going to be able to carry this

386
00:20:43.840 --> 00:20:48.680
thing out because first you must submit to order. First, you

387
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must submit to wisdom. You have to decide that there's a higher

388
00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:57.480
and greater authority besides you. You have to know within

389
00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:01.000
yourself that you could be in your feelings. You could be

390
00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:05.240
fantasizing. You could be romanticizing. You could be

391
00:21:05.240 --> 00:21:09.200
going by what just feels good and say, I will submit myself

392
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:15.440
to wisdom. Because ladies, none of us will be in this program if

393
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:20.440
our way worked. And so when a new way hits your doorstep,

394
00:21:20.560 --> 00:21:24.720
welcoming with open arms and embrace it and submit yourself

395
00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:27.920
to the order. Because when you submit yourself to the order,

396
00:21:27.920 --> 00:21:31.520
you by default are operating within boundaries that you

397
00:21:31.520 --> 00:21:36.120
yourself submit to. See, when we submit to boundaries, we don't

398
00:21:36.120 --> 00:21:38.400
have a problem with the people coming into our life submitting

399
00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:41.800
to our boundaries, because we already operate in order. We

400
00:21:41.800 --> 00:21:47.800
already operate within boundaries. Are you guys with

401
00:21:47.800 --> 00:21:53.240
me? Are we tracking? I hope this is making sense and it's good to

402
00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:56.760
you. It's so good to me. This stuff changed my life. I am

403
00:21:56.760 --> 00:21:59.680
telling you, I will be a poster girl all across the world.

404
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:06.080
Submitting to boundaries for your absolute self is the

405
00:22:06.080 --> 00:22:09.640
greatest plan that you can have. Because if you don't value

406
00:22:09.640 --> 00:22:13.200
wisdom, and you don't value boundaries, you are a gate

407
00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:19.520
without hinges. And it's only a matter of time before you find

408
00:22:19.560 --> 00:22:24.480
yourself in the same place you've always been. Okay, order

409
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:28.880
starts at home first. It can't start with somebody else. And so

410
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:32.920
this demand that we have that a man be A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and

411
00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:38.440
you are not A, B, or C. The idea that if they just become, you'll

412
00:22:38.440 --> 00:22:42.480
be safe enough to be I don't know who, you're gonna be you.

413
00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:46.600
The same one doesn't have boundaries or like nothing

414
00:22:46.600 --> 00:22:49.720
guarding you, you're gonna show up the same way and it's still

415
00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:53.560
going to be a hot mess expressed. All right. Boundaries

416
00:22:53.560 --> 00:22:56.280
are not walled, forgated fences. We talked about that with

417
00:22:56.280 --> 00:23:00.040
multiple layers. What do I mean by multiple layers? If you drew

418
00:23:00.040 --> 00:23:04.440
a circle, every person that comes into your life has a

419
00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:11.480
place. And so that will look like this. If I'm in the center,

420
00:23:11.560 --> 00:23:15.720
there are lines all around, I'm gonna show it to you. Oh, I

421
00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:18.840
think this light is stopping our program. Can y'all see that?

422
00:23:19.600 --> 00:23:26.240
No. A little bit. Somewhat. Let me try this. Oh, yeah, I get a

423
00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:33.480
thumbs up. In the middle is me. Okay. Out here goes the man I

424
00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:37.760
met on out here somewhere is the man I met on the dating app. He

425
00:23:37.760 --> 00:23:42.240
didn't get a seat at the table of my heart. Depending on what

426
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:44.680
people been in your life, some people have their children here,

427
00:23:44.680 --> 00:23:46.520
their mother, their father, but if there's been a lot of

428
00:23:46.520 --> 00:23:51.080
brokenness and a hurt here, they don't even sit there. Inside of

429
00:23:51.080 --> 00:23:56.520
this circle here is me and God. All right, whoever comes here,

430
00:23:56.520 --> 00:24:00.800
the man from a TV, the man from the app, he by pacing a

431
00:24:00.800 --> 00:24:04.440
relationship gets to move to this line first, not up in here.

432
00:24:06.280 --> 00:24:10.800
You start kissing he up in here, too close to your heart. You

433
00:24:10.800 --> 00:24:13.920
start breaking those spiritual walls. Well, I'm just spiritual.

434
00:24:14.120 --> 00:24:17.040
And we just gonna talk about the Lord. Because this is what's

435
00:24:17.040 --> 00:24:20.800
important to me. He up in here. You don't find yourself in

436
00:24:20.800 --> 00:24:25.520
trouble. Okay, I'm not gonna waste my time. I'm getting to

437
00:24:25.520 --> 00:24:30.240
the bottom of this. All right. You missed this journey from

438
00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:33.560
here to here and you're growing and learning about yourself.

439
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:37.680
That's what this space is all about right here. People get to

440
00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:40.960
advance as they show that they are good stewards of their own

441
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:44.280
heart first. Not of your heart. Nobody can steward your heart

442
00:24:44.280 --> 00:24:46.880
unless they first do it their own heart. And anybody who's

443
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:49.280
ever steward their heart is not going to sign up to steward your

444
00:24:49.280 --> 00:24:52.360
heart. Because everybody has a responsibility to steward their

445
00:24:52.360 --> 00:24:56.520
own heart. There's nobody else's responsibility. You give your

446
00:24:56.520 --> 00:25:00.080
heart to God, he teaches you how to lend it out.

447
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.880
into who because he knows a person you only know so much of a person as to what they will let you

448
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:16.400
see okay are we all together yeah good and so um always watch how someone else stewards their time

449
00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:24.320
how they steward their heart and what they value not to look for a red flag but that tells you

450
00:25:24.320 --> 00:25:29.200
about a person just like when a man talks to you and if he gets to make a few sexual comments you

451
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:33.760
don't say anything that tells him something about you and he knows it if you've ever talked to a

452
00:25:33.760 --> 00:25:38.160
man then they'll push it a little bit more then they'll push it a little bit more and they'll

453
00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:42.560
keep pushing and first time you say well i let it slide i didn't say nothing about it but he's

454
00:25:42.560 --> 00:25:51.200
actually testing your boundary that's what's happening he's testing how far can he go and so

455
00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:55.680
that's kind of like in every area of it like have you ever talked to somebody on the phone

456
00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:59.360
and you'd be like well i gotta go and they'd be like okay let me just tell you one more thing

457
00:25:59.360 --> 00:26:03.920
and you'd be like uh-huh okay it was okay girl let me get out this phone oh one more thing

458
00:26:05.040 --> 00:26:11.040
who's ever experienced that before that's called not honoring your your space

459
00:26:12.320 --> 00:26:17.440
that don't mean that they're a bad person you just haven't told them that you have that this is the

460
00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:22.320
end of the conversation they're your friend they're your best friend they could be your mama your

461
00:26:22.800 --> 00:26:28.000
brother don't make them a bad person they're just not honoring the time that you don't honor

462
00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:35.680
what you do for yourself others will willingly do because that's the only person they know you to be

463
00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:42.880
that's all they know as far as they're concerned that's who you are

464
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:48.080
you know how you kind of be like i gotta get a new outfit for this event and i used to tell

465
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:53.760
people do people ain't never seen you before as far as they know that's a new outfit that's all

466
00:26:53.760 --> 00:27:04.240
they know they ain't never seen you before so um yeah i i hope that hits home okay

467
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:12.400
uh i said this boundary enforcement is most challenging when we ourselves don't practice

468
00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:18.000
submitting to boundaries in our own life first we got that i won't require someone else what i'm not

469
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:25.920
required of myself that's true you act it out that's a behavior you will not require someone

470
00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:32.560
else which you do not require yourself the more requirements you have from you the more you're

471
00:27:32.560 --> 00:27:36.240
going to require of people and you're not going to have to use your mouth to verbalize

472
00:27:37.760 --> 00:27:44.320
because it's already required of you you already draw the lines okay i'm gonna speed up when did i

473
00:27:44.320 --> 00:27:50.080
first learn boundaries this is important it didn't happen when you just turn this age out i don't want

474
00:27:50.080 --> 00:27:54.320
you to beat yourself up like oh i need to get so much better at this we do need to grow but boundaries

475
00:27:54.320 --> 00:28:01.040
are forming in um infancy boundaries are formed when when you literally when you're a baby

476
00:28:02.560 --> 00:28:08.240
and there's whenever there are cracks and holes that's when you're going to have an issue with

477
00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:12.400
boundaries so holes are things that you should have received but you didn't get

478
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:17.520
like love affection attention protection those are the things you get from your parents

479
00:28:18.320 --> 00:28:24.960
cracks are formed when we when things happen that harmed you like what abuse mental abuse physical

480
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:30.720
abuse sexual abuse abandonment rejection isolation you name it those are the cracks

481
00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:38.800
and when these things happen you tend to operate without boundaries so you either go overboard

482
00:28:38.800 --> 00:28:43.840
and you don't know no boy right there's nothing or it's overboard because there's

483
00:28:43.840 --> 00:28:48.640
some cracks and holes there and something speaks to you and say you're not worthy of goodness

484
00:28:50.560 --> 00:28:58.560
right i don't deserve it you don't think it it lives in you do you understand it lives in you

485
00:28:58.560 --> 00:29:05.520
and you operate through and it shows up in the way you won't set boundaries about something um

486
00:29:06.080 --> 00:29:14.800
so i'll hold that example um and so because boundaries are building blocks

487
00:29:16.320 --> 00:29:18.320
the cracks and the holes are a really big deal

488
00:29:21.040 --> 00:29:26.400
because remember it happens in you first before you give it out to anybody else and so what we

489
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:32.080
have to do is address those areas because they will sabotage our our efforts in setting boundaries

490
00:29:32.080 --> 00:29:37.280
in setting boundaries we have to address those heart wounds in those places where we don't feel

491
00:29:37.280 --> 00:29:43.520
worthy of love we don't feel deserving and this creates scarcity mindset and whenever there's a

492
00:29:43.520 --> 00:29:49.680
scarcity mindset you will not hold the boundary i don't care what your mind knows something in

493
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:54.800
your heart is telling you i better hold on to this i better not be so hard what if i lose it all well

494
00:29:54.800 --> 00:29:58.720
if i don't say nothing back tonight they may not say nothing else to me i mean i better hear up

495
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:00.160
and respond to them

496
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.160
Who's ever experienced those rushing thoughts like that?

497
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:05.160
What should I do?

498
00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:06.160
Should I pick this one?

499
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:07.160
He liked me back.

500
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:08.160
I don't know if I should.

501
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:09.160
I don't know.

502
00:30:09.160 --> 00:30:14.240
Maybe what if he is the one and I didn't like him back, but I'm really not sure I want a

503
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:15.240
little more time.

504
00:30:15.240 --> 00:30:18.640
Isn't where I can skip and go past it and you believe that you're going to lose something

505
00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:22.880
if you don't select like on this person that liked you back.

506
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:27.880
When you start hearing those thoughts invade you and they rush you like they are rushing,

507
00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:32.080
you will know them when you hear them because they come in strong.

508
00:30:32.080 --> 00:30:34.440
That is a scarcity mindset.

509
00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:38.400
When you feel like you're going to lose, if you tell a person, no, what if they could

510
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:44.080
be the one as if the one could be missed, but we only believe the one could be missed

511
00:30:44.080 --> 00:30:48.240
when we really don't believe that we're partnering with a guy who has our best interests in mind

512
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:52.240
because we feel like we've been overlooked so much in life.

513
00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:53.640
Right?

514
00:30:54.640 --> 00:31:02.520
And so the whole system is kind of broken there, but it starts with you.

515
00:31:02.520 --> 00:31:03.520
It's nobody else.

516
00:31:03.520 --> 00:31:04.520
It's you.

517
00:31:04.520 --> 00:31:07.880
It's something broken happening, going on in the inside.

518
00:31:07.880 --> 00:31:09.720
And that's what we want to get to the bottom of it.

519
00:31:09.720 --> 00:31:13.120
So when you hear it, don't suppress it.

520
00:31:13.120 --> 00:31:14.120
Don't kick it out.

521
00:31:14.120 --> 00:31:16.040
Don't act like it's not talking to you.

522
00:31:16.040 --> 00:31:20.360
It's talking to you and it's talking from within.

523
00:31:20.360 --> 00:31:21.360
Now you can't kick it out.

524
00:31:21.360 --> 00:31:23.400
No, no, we could kick it out and say, oh, that's a lie.

525
00:31:24.160 --> 00:31:25.360
I wasn't talking about that.

526
00:31:25.360 --> 00:31:27.800
I'm saying kick it out like it's not there.

527
00:31:27.800 --> 00:31:31.840
It's not happening because you're going to live it out.

528
00:31:31.840 --> 00:31:35.200
And so if you don't deal with it, it's going to deal with you.

529
00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:38.920
There are a lot of times I say, hey, something has come to wrestle with me.

530
00:31:38.920 --> 00:31:43.520
Now when I say something has come to wrestle with me, that means it came to pick a fight

531
00:31:43.520 --> 00:31:47.760
with me, but I'm not fighting with it.

532
00:31:47.760 --> 00:31:50.640
Because a lot of times when you ladies have gone through the hard work, the things you

533
00:31:50.680 --> 00:31:54.080
struggle with, you don't struggle with anymore, but you think because it shows up at your

534
00:31:54.080 --> 00:31:55.440
door, you're struggling with it.

535
00:31:55.440 --> 00:31:57.880
No, I came to pick a fight with you.

536
00:31:57.880 --> 00:31:59.840
Close the door.

537
00:31:59.840 --> 00:32:01.600
You're not struggling with that thing.

538
00:32:01.600 --> 00:32:04.240
That thing has come to struggle with you.

539
00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:08.920
And we have to be diligent to know when something has come to pick a fight with us, when

540
00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:11.520
something has come to struggle with us.

541
00:32:11.520 --> 00:32:14.040
It is not your struggle.

542
00:32:14.040 --> 00:32:19.120
It showed up to struggle with you and you don't have to do the struggle.

543
00:32:19.120 --> 00:32:20.120
All right.

544
00:32:20.120 --> 00:32:25.000
And so some of the other things that may lead to cracks and holes when we talk about the

545
00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:29.880
and we'll have more time to talk about this, ladies, we'll have plenty more time to discuss

546
00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:30.880
these things.

547
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:33.760
And you can ask questions throughout the week if you have them.

548
00:32:33.760 --> 00:32:36.560
But when we have unhealthy parents.

549
00:32:36.560 --> 00:32:41.680
So if you had a parent who was over controlling, if you had a parent who had no limits, maybe

550
00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:44.320
you had a parent who was inconsistent.

551
00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:45.760
Maybe your parents got divorced.

552
00:32:45.760 --> 00:32:49.240
You had one set over here, one order over here.

553
00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:50.240
Maybe your mom was like my mom.

554
00:32:50.240 --> 00:32:51.240
I had to walk on eggshells.

555
00:32:51.240 --> 00:32:52.240
Right.

556
00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:56.160
She raised us to be very codependent.

557
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:57.160
You should because I did.

558
00:32:57.160 --> 00:33:00.660
And if I did this, you should do that.

559
00:33:00.660 --> 00:33:03.600
And I never knew when somebody was going to blow up on me.

560
00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:08.440
She's very passive and aggressive in her passiveness.

561
00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:13.400
And so all of that shapes you and it shapes your boundaries and it tells you your value

562
00:33:13.400 --> 00:33:14.400
and worth.

563
00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:15.400
And that's why I work all the time.

564
00:33:15.400 --> 00:33:19.200
If somebody works all the time, by default, it tells a child, I must not be important

565
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:20.200
enough.

566
00:33:20.200 --> 00:33:23.280
I must not be worthy of their love and attention.

567
00:33:23.280 --> 00:33:27.520
You don't think it when you're a child, but it sends the message to you that if I were

568
00:33:27.520 --> 00:33:29.560
valuable enough, they would be here.

569
00:33:29.560 --> 00:33:34.160
That's the mind of a child and you can logic, you can logic when you get to be an adult,

570
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:38.000
but it doesn't change what the child experience and you live from that part.

571
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:39.360
You live from that place.

572
00:33:39.360 --> 00:33:40.360
Right.

573
00:33:40.360 --> 00:33:43.480
And so we're going to do a breakout session.

574
00:33:43.560 --> 00:33:50.040
And the reason why you can ask me any question you want, but I hope that this was clear and

575
00:33:50.040 --> 00:33:52.400
that we kind of made it through it.

576
00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:53.400
Okay, Rhonda.

577
00:33:53.400 --> 00:33:55.120
So glad you were here.

578
00:33:55.120 --> 00:33:57.320
I hope it was helpful for you.

579
00:33:57.320 --> 00:34:03.640
But we want to, we talked about the three boundaries that we have at LYS that work to

580
00:34:03.640 --> 00:34:06.000
serve you and guard your heart with all diligence.

581
00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:11.880
These are guardrails for you, all right, to grow in a very healthy way.

582
00:34:11.880 --> 00:34:16.360
So we, we did Mitchell with physical boundaries, no physical intimacy in their early stages

583
00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:17.360
of dating.

584
00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:18.360
Okay.

585
00:34:18.360 --> 00:34:20.940
We want to have public dates.

586
00:34:20.940 --> 00:34:26.880
You do not want to get in a man's car, go home with somebody you don't know.

587
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:33.239
You don't know them because you text and talk to them every day, drive your own car, it'll

588
00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:35.280
get you where you need to go.

589
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:36.760
Take an Uber.

590
00:34:36.760 --> 00:34:37.760
It's okay.

591
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:38.760
Okay.

592
00:34:39.159 --> 00:34:42.719
If you married a man, you have a lifetime to ride in the car with him and get mad about

593
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:48.040
how fast he's going and how he's driving and tell him what to do because it's coming.

594
00:34:48.040 --> 00:34:52.280
Most women cannot help themselves from trying to tell somebody else what to do and how to

595
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:53.280
drive.

596
00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:56.360
Now they don't want to do it, but they won't tell him what to do.

597
00:34:56.360 --> 00:34:58.720
You're going to have time for this, lady.

598
00:34:58.720 --> 00:34:59.720
Chill.

599
00:34:59.720 --> 00:34:59.720


600
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.000
Emotional boundaries, oh, going to a man's home

601
00:35:05.120 --> 00:35:06.760
or having him at your home,

602
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:09.540
we have had a lot of things to happen to women.

603
00:35:09.540 --> 00:35:12.240
And I'm telling you, wouldn't that be pleasing to your ears

604
00:35:12.240 --> 00:35:15.920
to hear some of the things that have happened

605
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:17.560
to women who do this.

606
00:35:17.560 --> 00:35:18.480
Don't practice that.

607
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:20.560
It is not safe, it is not healthy.

608
00:35:20.560 --> 00:35:22.360
You do not bring someone in your home

609
00:35:22.360 --> 00:35:23.680
or you go in their home

610
00:35:23.680 --> 00:35:25.320
because you think you wanna just hang out

611
00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:27.140
and everything is okay and you know them.

612
00:35:27.140 --> 00:35:28.100
You do not know them.

613
00:35:28.100 --> 00:35:29.280
If you ever need a reminder,

614
00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:32.740
hear me in your head, you do not know them.

615
00:35:32.740 --> 00:35:34.440
You don't, you don't know.

616
00:35:35.340 --> 00:35:39.580
And you can't tell me that you do because you don't, okay?

617
00:35:39.580 --> 00:35:42.060
All right, emotional boundaries.

618
00:35:42.060 --> 00:35:44.660
Practice not exchanging highly personal

619
00:35:44.660 --> 00:35:46.680
or intimate details about your life.

620
00:35:47.580 --> 00:35:49.420
Save your wisdom.

621
00:35:49.420 --> 00:35:50.460
You know, the scripture says,

622
00:35:50.460 --> 00:35:52.940
don't spill your pearl before swine

623
00:35:52.940 --> 00:35:54.540
because they will trample it.

624
00:35:54.540 --> 00:35:56.240
Save your wisdom for your community,

625
00:35:56.240 --> 00:35:59.420
to people who value you and honor you and cherish you

626
00:35:59.420 --> 00:36:02.060
and will actually use what you're giving now.

627
00:36:02.060 --> 00:36:03.220
And then spiritual boundaries.

628
00:36:03.220 --> 00:36:04.060
We talk about this,

629
00:36:04.060 --> 00:36:06.380
refrain from reading the Bible together, praying together,

630
00:36:06.380 --> 00:36:07.540
visiting each other's churches

631
00:36:07.540 --> 00:36:10.620
until you're more acquainted with that individual.

632
00:36:10.620 --> 00:36:14.540
Because a lot of women have romanticized or fantasized

633
00:36:14.540 --> 00:36:15.940
the day when they get a man

634
00:36:15.940 --> 00:36:17.940
who would just read the Bible with them,

635
00:36:17.940 --> 00:36:19.780
who would do devotion with them,

636
00:36:19.780 --> 00:36:21.420
who will go to church with them.

637
00:36:21.420 --> 00:36:24.060
And I am telling you, something is activating you

638
00:36:24.080 --> 00:36:26.380
that you're unaware of the moment they do it.

639
00:36:28.360 --> 00:36:30.400
Yeah, after two months is good.

640
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:32.480
But basically when you go exclusive,

641
00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:35.200
maybe if you go exclusive, don't go exclusive in one month.

642
00:36:35.200 --> 00:36:37.320
Jackie encourages you to go exclusive,

643
00:36:37.320 --> 00:36:40.860
60 days at the earliest, 90 days at the latest.

644
00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:45.560
And so, or you do the same kind of ministry

645
00:36:45.560 --> 00:36:46.400
and all this stuff,

646
00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:48.200
and then you can spend your time talking about ministry

647
00:36:48.200 --> 00:36:49.680
and you find out a two weeks later,

648
00:36:49.680 --> 00:36:51.920
they're boring because you don't know nothing about them.

649
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:54.220
I literally had somebody who was telling me stuff.

650
00:36:54.220 --> 00:36:57.460
They was like, Ebony, I mean, we're both in prophecy,

651
00:36:57.460 --> 00:36:59.500
ministry, we're both in this, but he's boring.

652
00:36:59.500 --> 00:37:00.920
I said, he's not boring.

653
00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:03.500
You spent your first two weeks talking about church stuff

654
00:37:03.500 --> 00:37:04.940
and ministry stuff and service stuff

655
00:37:04.940 --> 00:37:08.660
and all your revelations and everything God told you.

656
00:37:08.660 --> 00:37:10.940
And now you don't even know nothing about them.

657
00:37:10.940 --> 00:37:12.300
You don't know what makes them laugh.

658
00:37:12.300 --> 00:37:13.580
You don't know what make you laugh.

659
00:37:13.580 --> 00:37:14.460
Y'all sit at dinner.

660
00:37:14.460 --> 00:37:15.820
You could have been having fun,

661
00:37:15.820 --> 00:37:17.900
but you were talking about prophecies.

662
00:37:19.740 --> 00:37:21.540
You didn't have to talk about that.

663
00:37:22.160 --> 00:37:25.440
You could ask him what superhero would he like to be?

664
00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:27.520
You didn't have to do that.

665
00:37:27.520 --> 00:37:31.240
Talk to you about the order of getting to know a person.

666
00:37:31.240 --> 00:37:34.000
And so you'll find that y'all jam on certain things,

667
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:36.400
but your wisdom, because you're under coaches,

668
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:39.120
you're in a program, start to pull back.

669
00:37:39.120 --> 00:37:42.360
Maybe you got excited the first week, but just shift it.

670
00:37:42.360 --> 00:37:43.600
Just start shifting it.

671
00:37:45.240 --> 00:37:46.960
Just start shifting it.

672
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:49.800
Remember you, that's a person.

673
00:37:49.820 --> 00:37:51.580
Outside of all that, there's still a person,

674
00:37:51.580 --> 00:37:52.860
just like you are.

675
00:37:52.860 --> 00:37:56.060
All right, so we're gonna go into a breakout session.

676
00:37:56.060 --> 00:37:57.380
And I'm gonna put this in the chat

677
00:37:57.380 --> 00:37:58.500
because this is what you ladies

678
00:37:58.500 --> 00:38:00.620
are going to discuss with each other.

679
00:38:02.500 --> 00:38:05.380
Let me copy and paste it and put it in there.

680
00:38:05.380 --> 00:38:08.100
So we are going to answer a question

681
00:38:08.100 --> 00:38:09.900
and we're gonna read the question,

682
00:38:09.900 --> 00:38:12.220
pick our question that we wanna answer.

683
00:38:12.220 --> 00:38:15.540
And I'm giving you a prompt, a writing prompt

684
00:38:15.540 --> 00:38:18.280
or a sentence stamp to use to answer it.

685
00:38:20.780 --> 00:38:21.620
Let's see.

686
00:38:31.540 --> 00:38:32.820
Here we go.

687
00:38:32.820 --> 00:38:34.460
All right, it's about to come in the chat.

688
00:38:34.460 --> 00:38:38.780
And then once it gets in there, okay.

689
00:38:39.860 --> 00:38:41.220
I want you to take a few seconds

690
00:38:41.220 --> 00:38:43.140
and ask yourself this first.

691
00:38:43.140 --> 00:38:45.980
Am I someone who has very little boundaries?

692
00:38:45.980 --> 00:38:49.460
Example, I keep the gate to my yard open

693
00:38:50.120 --> 00:38:51.400
or who has a fence in their yard?

694
00:38:51.400 --> 00:38:55.880
Are you an open fence, open yard or open fence?

695
00:38:55.880 --> 00:38:58.000
So are you someone that has very little boundaries?

696
00:38:58.000 --> 00:38:59.960
You find that people may run over you,

697
00:38:59.960 --> 00:39:01.680
you don't know how to tell somebody no,

698
00:39:01.680 --> 00:39:05.040
you don't know how to stop conversations, okay.

699
00:39:05.040 --> 00:39:08.400
Or are you someone who has a lot of boundaries?

700
00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:10.120
You have a wall around your yard

701
00:39:10.120 --> 00:39:12.280
and it's like four knots up in there.

702
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:15.480
You need high security clearance to get in.

703
00:39:15.480 --> 00:39:17.160
Pick which one you are.

704
00:39:17.160 --> 00:39:18.560
Go ahead and pick that now.

705
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:24.000
Are you no walls or overboard?

706
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:24.880
Have we selected?

707
00:39:24.880 --> 00:39:25.820
Give me a thumb.

708
00:39:27.040 --> 00:39:28.320
You could be a little bit of both

709
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:30.880
depending on the area too, right?

710
00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:33.920
Depending on how close they get to you.

711
00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:35.680
They start getting a little bit closer to your heart

712
00:39:35.680 --> 00:39:36.800
and you like them a little bit, baby,

713
00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:38.920
you blow it up like, wait a minute.

714
00:39:38.920 --> 00:39:41.400
I don't even really think I like them anymore.

715
00:39:41.400 --> 00:39:43.640
All right, thank you, all right.

716
00:39:43.640 --> 00:39:45.960
Now I want you to choose one of these questions

717
00:39:45.960 --> 00:39:47.760
to respond to.

718
00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:48.600
Wait a minute.

719
00:39:48.600 --> 00:39:49.980
Did we copy paste all of this?

720
00:39:49.980 --> 00:39:53.060
Let's see, I had too much going on.

721
00:39:53.060 --> 00:39:54.340
It's not all there, ladies.

722
00:39:54.340 --> 00:39:56.380
Give me an opportunity here.

723
00:39:57.540 --> 00:39:58.380
All right.

724
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.000
So, this first one I'm going to put in is for ladies who struggle to set boundaries.

725
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:10.120
This is for those right here who struggle to set the boundaries.

726
00:40:10.120 --> 00:40:13.120
Here are your options to choose from.

727
00:40:13.120 --> 00:40:18.120
What in the world?

728
00:40:18.120 --> 00:40:19.120
Sorry.

729
00:40:19.120 --> 00:40:22.120
Is it coming in or no?

730
00:40:22.120 --> 00:40:23.120
No?

731
00:40:23.120 --> 00:40:24.120
I don't see it.

732
00:40:24.120 --> 00:40:44.920
Even when I did it the old-fashioned way, all right, listen to me.

733
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:48.560
Those who struggle to set boundaries, I want you to choose between one of these questions

734
00:40:48.560 --> 00:40:51.600
that you're going to respond to, okay?

735
00:40:51.600 --> 00:40:56.880
Where do I overgive in a relationship or dating?

736
00:40:56.880 --> 00:40:57.880
It could be yours.

737
00:40:57.880 --> 00:41:10.320
Where do I overgive in a relationship or dating?

738
00:41:10.320 --> 00:41:16.520
Next one is, where do I feel resentment in my life?

739
00:41:16.520 --> 00:41:20.520
Where do I feel resentment in my life?

740
00:41:20.520 --> 00:41:25.320
And then the last one you can choose from is, what behavior do I tolerate that I do

741
00:41:25.320 --> 00:41:26.320
not like?

742
00:41:26.320 --> 00:41:32.560
What am I tolerating that I do not like?

743
00:41:32.560 --> 00:41:40.840
Okay, now these next set of questions were people who struggle setting rigid boundaries.

744
00:41:40.840 --> 00:41:44.040
If you struggle, like you four knocks up around here.

745
00:41:44.040 --> 00:41:46.680
When somebody say something about boundaries, you tell them, I got you.

746
00:41:46.680 --> 00:41:48.760
I got my boundaries.

747
00:41:48.760 --> 00:41:54.160
Where do I keep people at a distance even when I desire connection?

748
00:41:54.160 --> 00:42:05.360
Where do I keep people at a distance even when I desire connection?

749
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:13.240
The next one is, what do I avoid sharing that might actually deepen trust?

750
00:42:13.240 --> 00:42:25.000
What do you avoid sharing that may deepen trust with people?

751
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:30.760
Where do I use independence or being fine to avoid needing others?

752
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:32.160
You want to avoid needing the others.

753
00:42:32.160 --> 00:42:33.160
So you say, I got it.

754
00:42:33.160 --> 00:42:34.160
I don't need no help.

755
00:42:34.160 --> 00:42:35.160
I don't need nobody to do nothing for me.

756
00:42:35.160 --> 00:42:45.200
And then the last one you can choose from is, what boundary might I be using to protect

757
00:42:45.200 --> 00:42:48.840
myself from vulnerability rather than harm?

758
00:42:48.840 --> 00:42:53.760
So you put this boundary up, but it's actually protecting you from being vulnerable, not

759
00:42:53.760 --> 00:42:54.760
harm.

760
00:42:54.760 --> 00:42:59.800
And you kind of know it, okay?

761
00:42:59.800 --> 00:43:06.920
Once you select that, this is your prompt, and I'm going to give you an example in just

762
00:43:06.920 --> 00:43:09.040
a little while.

763
00:43:09.040 --> 00:43:11.920
This is the writing prompt.

764
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:16.360
A boundary I need, but don't currently enforce in this area is.

765
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:20.160
So you're going to find out the boundary you need in this area that you don't currently

766
00:43:20.160 --> 00:43:21.160
enforce.

767
00:43:21.160 --> 00:43:23.320
Are we all together on this?

768
00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:26.320
Does it make sense or not?

769
00:43:26.320 --> 00:43:27.320
Yeah.

770
00:43:27.840 --> 00:43:28.840
Okay.

771
00:43:28.840 --> 00:43:29.840
Then you're right in front of me.

772
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:30.840
So you're going to have to say yes or no.

773
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:31.840
Okay.

774
00:43:31.840 --> 00:43:32.840
Thank you.

775
00:43:32.840 --> 00:43:33.840
All right.

776
00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:37.640
So I'm going to give you some examples while you process.

777
00:43:37.640 --> 00:43:43.520
Oh, and those of you who struggle with too many boundaries, this is your writing prompt.

778
00:43:43.520 --> 00:43:55.160
I am sorry about that.

779
00:43:55.160 --> 00:44:01.280
A boundary I may be over-enforcing in this area, and a healthier boundary might look

780
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:02.280
like.

781
00:44:02.280 --> 00:44:03.280
Okay.

782
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:08.640
Here's some of the ones I did.

783
00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:10.360
I over-give in my relationships.

784
00:44:10.360 --> 00:44:11.600
These are examples for you.

785
00:44:11.600 --> 00:44:19.000
I over-give in my relationships by not honoring my own time constraints.

786
00:44:19.000 --> 00:44:22.560
What will your prompt, the answer look like when you go, this is going to be your answer

787
00:44:22.560 --> 00:44:25.240
when you go into the breakout room with the ladies.

788
00:44:25.240 --> 00:44:30.560
A boundary I need, but don't currently enforce in this area is telling someone I do not have

789
00:44:30.560 --> 00:44:36.100
the time and stopping appropriately.

790
00:44:36.100 --> 00:44:40.120
You know who struggles with this in one particular area, me, when we're supposed to end the coaching

791
00:44:40.120 --> 00:44:43.120
call and I'm still talking, hey, that's what I'm talking about.

792
00:44:43.120 --> 00:44:46.200
I'm like, I just really want to, I just really want to hear what they have to say, but I'm

793
00:44:46.200 --> 00:44:47.200
getting better.

794
00:44:47.200 --> 00:44:48.200
Starting tonight.

795
00:44:48.200 --> 00:44:49.200
All right.

796
00:44:49.260 --> 00:44:55.060
I feel resented in my life, in the area of my eating choices or how I will allow people

797
00:44:55.060 --> 00:45:00.020
to speak to me or how I speak about myself, a boundary I need, but don't be.

798
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.840
currently in force is telling myself the truth about who Christ says I am.

799
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:11.520
A boundary I need to enforce that I'm not is not running to food for emotional support

800
00:45:11.520 --> 00:45:19.280
or my safe place. Okay. I use this for the other one. I use independence as a way to avoid needing

801
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:25.840
people by telling myself I don't want help. Even when I feel overwhelmed, I tend to handle

802
00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:32.800
everything on my own and withdraw when I'm stressed. A boundary I may be over-enforcing

803
00:45:32.800 --> 00:45:38.240
in this area is refusing support so I don't feel vulnerable or like a burden.

804
00:45:40.480 --> 00:45:47.040
A healthier boundary might look like asking for help in one small way and allowing someone to

805
00:45:47.040 --> 00:45:54.320
show up for me without immediately pulling back. Another one. I sometimes use high standards as a

806
00:45:54.320 --> 00:46:00.640
way to keep people from getting too close. If someone doesn't meet every expectation, I quickly

807
00:46:00.640 --> 00:46:08.240
disengage. A boundary I may be over-enforcing is leaving before there's space for growth in

808
00:46:08.240 --> 00:46:16.480
conversation. A healthier boundary may look like allowing curiosity and communication before

809
00:46:16.480 --> 00:46:23.840
deciding to pull away. How does that sound?

810
00:46:27.680 --> 00:46:33.840
Go ahead and make your choice. Create your feeling, your sentence stem, because when you get in the

811
00:46:33.840 --> 00:46:40.000
room, you're only going to have about one minute and 10 seconds each to share. So you want a time.

812
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:46.640
You don't want to overshare. Okay? You want a time and you don't want to overshare. Are we

813
00:46:46.640 --> 00:46:54.400
ready for the breakout room? Yeah? I see a thumbs up. All right. I'm going to put you in the breakout

814
00:46:54.400 --> 00:46:59.200
room and I want you guys to try to be transparent and vulnerable and know that a boundary you create

815
00:46:59.200 --> 00:47:06.160
that you can create can help the next person. And so we have about 40 people. I want two people to

816
00:47:06.240 --> 00:47:17.280
a room. Two to three? No. Two to three? No. 16, 17, 19, 20. We have 40 people with 20 rooms. There's

817
00:47:17.280 --> 00:47:22.800
two people to a room. I can't do that. Okay. We'll only do one to two people to a room. We need two

818
00:47:22.800 --> 00:47:27.840
to three. So let's stick with the 90 seconds each of your three to a room, even if you're two to a

819
00:47:27.840 --> 00:47:35.120
room. And then I will be back to see you in about, let's see, three, three, two, two, three. Yep.

820
00:47:35.120 --> 00:47:40.400
I'll come back to get you in about seven minutes. 90, 90, one, two, three, four,

821
00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:54.000
one, two, three. About five minutes. Sounds good? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

822
00:47:57.840 --> 00:48:18.000
Pamela, you didn't make it. Did you make it to a room, Pamela?

823
00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:41.520
I was trying to join the Zoom and then it said deleted. And then when I was trying to go back

824
00:48:41.520 --> 00:48:48.320
to look at it, it wasn't there. So I apologize if that's what happened. Are you talking about

825
00:48:48.320 --> 00:48:54.480
on the wall? Yeah, on the wall. So when I went in there to try to get on the Zoom,

826
00:48:55.440 --> 00:49:01.280
it said post deleted. And I know that I was on that page where the activation was at

827
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:08.560
the last one. Did I delete it? Oh no, I deleted it. Oh, you deleted it. Oh, okay. Nevermind.

828
00:49:08.560 --> 00:49:13.600
I deleted it. It got done kind of early. I deleted it before I came in into the session.

829
00:49:13.600 --> 00:49:20.560
It usually is not posted to app. Mika. Hey girl. Hey there. Missed you.

830
00:49:21.040 --> 00:49:25.600
I missed you too, honey. What you been hiding out in the woods somewhere?

831
00:49:25.600 --> 00:49:30.480
There's a lot been going on, girl, but it's good to be back. I miss your sense of humor.

832
00:49:31.680 --> 00:49:38.320
Oh, I missed you, honey. I missed you. All right. These cameras are on. Now I get to see faces. I'm

833
00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:50.560
like, there's Gail. There's Audrey. Did you ladies enjoy that? Yes. No. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

834
00:49:51.520 --> 00:49:56.640
I know that. Hey, Shelly. So good to see you. I didn't know you were in the room. Hey, Sarah.

835
00:49:56.640 --> 00:49:59.920
Sarah, I missed you. We are

836
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.960
We're wanting to get you all to connect a lot more with each other, and it helps to talk to each

837
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:10.240
other, to grow from each other. And so I know it feels like, oh wow, she spent all of her time

838
00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:14.800
teaching, and I have a question, and I get it. But you're going to have more questions if you

839
00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:21.600
don't get teaching, because you're struggling. Because you're struggling because you don't have

840
00:50:21.600 --> 00:50:26.800
the equipping that you need, the tools that you need. And so this is a part of it. And so

841
00:50:27.680 --> 00:50:32.240
they will become minimized, but some things just take some time to work our way through.

842
00:50:32.240 --> 00:50:36.400
And so do we have any questions, any aha moments that any of you ladies had

843
00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:43.680
from this breakout room? Please unmute and just go for it. I want to hear some feedback.

844
00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:53.600
Well, I was sharing, my mom was in the ICU yesterday. This actually happened yesterday.

845
00:50:54.240 --> 00:51:00.000
And there's a friend that I've actually, she actually got, I had to shift her to the outer

846
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.560
circle of that whole thing. And she's been, like friends, we've been friends for 20 years,

847
00:51:04.560 --> 00:51:08.160
but there was a miscommunication and misunderstanding that happened that kind of

848
00:51:08.160 --> 00:51:14.640
unveiled that I was sharing my heart. I was friends close with her just because she had

849
00:51:14.640 --> 00:51:21.200
longevity and time in relationship with me. And we were growing, but unfortunately,

850
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:26.800
when I was doing my hard work, it started uncovering the dynamic that I was creating,

851
00:51:26.800 --> 00:51:33.440
which wasn't healthy. It wasn't healthy where I'm giving more and she's kind of taking.

852
00:51:35.440 --> 00:51:40.800
And that also pours out into my dating situation too. But long story short, it's always a situation

853
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:45.440
where she's saying all this stuff, but she's not doing her own hard work or getting therapy or

854
00:51:45.920 --> 00:51:51.600
coaching or nothing. And so it puts me in a situation where I feel like I'm being kind of

855
00:51:51.600 --> 00:51:58.960
used. And then when I exhibit imperfection or flaws, she goes in a hissy fit and I feel like

856
00:51:58.960 --> 00:52:04.720
rejection. So this was throughout the course of us trying to kind of like mend or just kind of

857
00:52:04.720 --> 00:52:09.200
like forgive and release each other, but like kind of can reconnect. So that's the backstory.

858
00:52:09.200 --> 00:52:13.840
But backstory, she called. And so I was on the phone with her for 10 minutes and I'm like telling

859
00:52:13.840 --> 00:52:17.440
myself, I'm not going to let her hold me on the phone. I'm not going to let her hold me on the

860
00:52:17.440 --> 00:52:24.000
phone for more than 30 minutes. But I felt like I didn't have a choice. And then this whole time for

861
00:52:24.000 --> 00:52:28.640
20 minutes, she didn't know my mom was in ICU. I get to the parking lot. I tell her, I'm like,

862
00:52:28.640 --> 00:52:34.400
you know, my mom's, my mom, I'm in the parking lot. My mom's in ICU. I need to go in there right

863
00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:39.920
now. And she proceeded to keep going. And I was like, you know, I'm going to pray us out.

864
00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:44.880
So I prayed us out and she used prayer to pull me back in. I was like, wait a minute, what just

865
00:52:44.880 --> 00:52:49.920
happened? So I ended up being on the phone for a full hour. I can't blame her because that's

866
00:52:49.920 --> 00:52:55.280
victim mentality. That's what I learned from the hard work. But I just said, how was I functioning

867
00:52:55.280 --> 00:53:01.680
like that in a friendship like that for 20 years where I identified as a friend? Yeah. As a bestie,

868
00:53:01.680 --> 00:53:06.960
I got used to that behavior. That's a normal for her. That's a normal. And I was just like, wow,

869
00:53:07.360 --> 00:53:13.200
she doesn't have capacity to care about me as much as I had thought she did in the past.

870
00:53:13.200 --> 00:53:18.560
So what I need to work on, what we shared about was me working on setting a time at the very

871
00:53:18.560 --> 00:53:26.000
beginning. I only have 15 minutes. I only have 10 minutes and doing it on my terms, not hers.

872
00:53:26.640 --> 00:53:30.800
If it doesn't work for my terms, I don't need to do wiggle room with her, especially because she

873
00:53:31.600 --> 00:53:35.920
has low capacity for what I need to help me get my needs met too. It's really about her.

874
00:53:36.960 --> 00:53:43.440
Right. That's so good. That's good. That's really good. And I think that really does touch on one

875
00:53:43.440 --> 00:53:47.840
of the things we said, like people don't honor about you what you don't honor for yourself first.

876
00:53:49.200 --> 00:53:53.520
So it's really not, yeah, I can't blame her. I'm owning it, but I mean, just being transparent

877
00:53:53.520 --> 00:53:57.920
that that literally just happened. So that's how that works.

878
00:53:58.800 --> 00:54:05.760
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anybody else? Rosanna.

879
00:54:06.640 --> 00:54:18.560
Hi, I'll lower my hand. Hey, I noticed that I have grown to see where I've grown in my boundaries,

880
00:54:18.560 --> 00:54:24.160
but I was the typical boundary-less person because I would just give and pour to the point of so much

881
00:54:25.040 --> 00:54:32.080
loyalty that I forgot myself, even so in my marriage to my late husband. And so I've now

882
00:54:32.080 --> 00:54:36.880
learned quite a bit. The hard work has been tremendous for me. And I'm actually really

883
00:54:36.880 --> 00:54:40.880
excited for the phase two. I actually want to get back on the apps and I'm actually going

884
00:54:40.880 --> 00:54:45.680
out tomorrow with a guy that I had met over the summer. And it's just been a very slow progress

885
00:54:45.680 --> 00:54:50.480
of us because we're both single parents and very busy. And so our dates have been

886
00:54:50.560 --> 00:54:55.040
almost like once a month or something, like just trying to do it. And so I'm looking forward to

887
00:54:55.040 --> 00:54:59.840
that, but I am a different person. I'm a different person. I'm a different person.

888
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.560
Woman now since I've done the heart work. I last I saw him I think was October. So we're doing that

889
00:55:06.560 --> 00:55:09.260
So I'm interested to see where the boundaries are gonna go

890
00:55:09.680 --> 00:55:14.080
Now because I did I mean we did exchange a kiss on the cheek and a hug

891
00:55:14.520 --> 00:55:19.080
But I I will now say I'm like, well if her friends like I don't do this with other friends

892
00:55:19.080 --> 00:55:21.720
So I'm gonna have to like put a limit on this

893
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:24.480
Even though it feels great, you know

894
00:55:24.720 --> 00:55:28.840
and he's been respectful with other stuff because I even set this boundary on the

895
00:55:29.480 --> 00:55:34.200
Third date with him. I was like, I will not I will not be kissing you

896
00:55:34.200 --> 00:55:36.960
I was like you can give me a kiss on the cheek or the forehead. That's fine

897
00:55:36.960 --> 00:55:42.640
I'm I can I will accept that but I will not be giving that to you and do not do that to me like on

898
00:55:42.640 --> 00:55:46.320
My lips that is not allowed and he told me he's like I want to do that

899
00:55:46.320 --> 00:55:51.640
But I am NOT I respect what you are saying and I'm not going so I was very I've become

900
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:55.600
Even before I came to do the heart work. The Lord was already doing a lot of stuff

901
00:55:56.120 --> 00:55:57.640
in me

902
00:55:57.640 --> 00:56:00.960
Prior to that and I feel like he's just confirming it with LYS

903
00:56:00.960 --> 00:56:01.920
I was like

904
00:56:01.920 --> 00:56:07.480
I've already done some of the things that you have asked that you guys have asked of me or she has asked of me in

905
00:56:07.480 --> 00:56:13.560
The program but it's beautiful because now I can reiterate what I had learned previously and now I'm applying it more so

906
00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:16.000
So I guess I'm just trying to figure out

907
00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:21.320
The boundaries of not over sharing when I'm on it on a date with someone

908
00:56:21.320 --> 00:56:23.080
I don't even know right or like

909
00:56:23.080 --> 00:56:25.920
What do I do with this guy because this is what I'm gonna be our sixth date

910
00:56:25.920 --> 00:56:31.480
We knew each other from high school. And so 25 years like we connected. So like I'm just trying to figure out I

911
00:56:32.080 --> 00:56:33.760
See where I have grown

912
00:56:33.760 --> 00:56:39.480
But I don't want to go back to that. So what are your suggestions for that? Or how do we how does that work?

913
00:56:39.480 --> 00:56:40.120
Yes

914
00:56:40.120 --> 00:56:46.880
so the scripture says then we the Bible says in the book of James if any man lack wisdom let him acts of the Lord and

915
00:56:46.880 --> 00:56:52.320
He will give it to him liberally and without reproach meaning he won't reproach you for to make you feel bad

916
00:56:52.320 --> 00:56:53.840
He will pour it out on you

917
00:56:53.840 --> 00:56:57.480
And so when we find that we don't understand how not to share too much

918
00:56:57.800 --> 00:57:01.400
What's really happening is we not we're not operating in wisdom

919
00:57:01.760 --> 00:57:06.320
and so what you want to do is ask wisdom to come in and govern your life and

920
00:57:06.560 --> 00:57:11.840
Tell Holy Spirit to at the slightest of his turn you'll close your mouth

921
00:57:12.440 --> 00:57:18.800
And so you want to begin to listen to the Spirit and if you if you're not in tune with the Holy Spirit like that

922
00:57:18.800 --> 00:57:26.120
Okay, listen to wisdom X wisdom to guide you and if you will restrain yourself if you will slow down enough

923
00:57:26.200 --> 00:57:30.360
You'll be able to catch things as you talk. Okay, and so

924
00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:36.600
And you want to to find some go on Google and ask for some talking prompts

925
00:57:37.000 --> 00:57:41.680
Sometimes we don't know what else to talk about. You feel like oh, we've been talking about this talking about this

926
00:57:41.680 --> 00:57:46.480
Well, just there's a natural progression that happens when you get to know a person. That's true

927
00:57:46.640 --> 00:57:52.480
You're the second month or you're four weeks in you're gonna be talking about some different that you were talking about in week one

928
00:57:52.720 --> 00:57:59.120
That's a natural progression of getting to know a person if you find also that you just you

929
00:57:59.680 --> 00:58:04.280
You're over still over talking after you try these things that you need to talk less

930
00:58:05.160 --> 00:58:06.360
Mm-hmm

931
00:58:06.360 --> 00:58:12.480
These are talk less at 30 minutes cut the conversation out because you know at some point you go overboard

932
00:58:12.800 --> 00:58:19.240
And then you have a vulnerability hangover when you get out the phone like did I really say that was it really necessary

933
00:58:20.360 --> 00:58:22.800
Right. Oh, we shouldn't have been talking about that

934
00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:27.720
you know so quickly when you feel a prompting or moving on the inside of you stop and

935
00:58:28.240 --> 00:58:35.080
Then cut the time stop talking every day talk every other day and when you talk every day every other day

936
00:58:35.080 --> 00:58:38.600
What is the root of oversharing the root of oversharing is the lack of wisdom?

937
00:58:39.440 --> 00:58:41.440
Mm-hmm. Okay. I

938
00:58:41.680 --> 00:58:46.280
Know that you know, it's a lack of wisdom. I'm sorry. I was answering a

939
00:58:47.160 --> 00:58:54.760
Question in the chat. No, that's great. I'm thankful. Oh, yeah. Yeah oversharing. Oh, it is a lack of wisdom and

940
00:58:56.880 --> 00:59:01.760
In another thing when you don't have a lot of community you will overshare with one person

941
00:59:02.040 --> 00:59:04.120
So let me give you an example. Let's see

942
00:59:04.160 --> 00:59:11.360
I'll pick somebody. I know Sarah won't be offended if I use her for an example. Let's say Sarah got thanks got in this video

943
00:59:11.360 --> 00:59:16.680
And she took up 20 minutes talking. I already know Sarah didn't have anybody else to share with

944
00:59:18.560 --> 00:59:21.420
Because she's not aware of how much she's talking

945
00:59:22.240 --> 00:59:23.440
and

946
00:59:23.440 --> 00:59:27.840
her unawareness tells me she has nowhere else to give this to and

947
00:59:28.160 --> 00:59:30.680
So when she gets around ladies and she feels safe

948
00:59:30.720 --> 00:59:34.880
She pours it and pours it and pours it and pours it so much that she's not

949
00:59:35.120 --> 00:59:38.720
Cognizant of how much time she's taken up from other people

950
00:59:39.360 --> 00:59:40.320
and

951
00:59:40.320 --> 00:59:45.600
So a lot of times we are over share with one particular person or one

952
00:59:45.720 --> 00:59:51.800
Whatever area you're in or get to work and just share all this stuff and it's like what I even tell them all this because you

953
00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:54.920
Don't have any other outlets when you have more outlets

954
00:59:54.920 --> 01:00:00.280
What you share with who becomes a taper if you notice

955
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.680
have some friends you'll share one thing with this friend but you won't share that part with that

956
01:00:03.680 --> 01:00:08.000
friend you'll share that with the other friend every friend has a place that you share certain

957
01:00:08.000 --> 01:00:14.480
things with that make does it make sense and so that's the same thing that happens and so um when

958
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:20.080
you find yourself over sharing x where do i need more community and who do i actually need to share

959
01:00:20.080 --> 01:00:25.360
this with and sometimes you might say oh why don't you share with god but um that don't always work

960
01:00:25.360 --> 01:00:32.720
out that way it sounds spiritual sound good but god shows up in people he shows up in people you

961
01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:40.960
need community pretty good night i miss you it's not even our bedtime yet um give me one second

962
01:00:40.960 --> 01:00:46.480
rose and come on camera and say hey before you go so i can see your face and you say hi at the

963
01:00:46.480 --> 01:00:54.720
same time are you still here you don't did you get back yes i just got back last week oh all

964
01:00:54.720 --> 01:01:03.520
right well get some rest so it is it is minus 22 or something like that here so cold minus 22

965
01:01:04.160 --> 01:01:09.840
degrees celsius yes if minus 22 don't make you want a man i don't know what we are

966
01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:20.240
it's very cold a bad dog all right see you good night i'll watch i'll watch the recording

967
01:01:20.240 --> 01:01:25.760
see you all right all right good night but yeah so rosanna a lot of those things and so

968
01:01:25.760 --> 01:01:32.640
you want to find other places to pour into so that you can govern every place that you pour into will

969
01:01:35.120 --> 01:01:39.760
was that helpful yes it is i just talk a lot in general um i've always gotten

970
01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:46.800
trouble for talking in school and now i'm a teacher so yeah i'm a teacher too i talk a lot

971
01:01:47.360 --> 01:01:52.480
but there's a difference between talking a lot and sharing things that shouldn't be shared in

972
01:01:52.480 --> 01:01:56.400
places that it shouldn't be shared like sharing things with people who don't even have the

973
01:01:56.400 --> 01:02:03.120
capacity for it sharing things with people who can't sharpen you and pour back into you that's

974
01:02:03.120 --> 01:02:08.720
that's wisdom and it comes with awareness of self and because you have done so much hard work you

975
01:02:08.720 --> 01:02:16.640
have an awareness you just have to tap into it and so i talk i can talk a lot but i'm not going

976
01:02:16.640 --> 01:02:22.400
to talk about things that are alive within the treasures of my heart i'm not giving anybody the

977
01:02:22.400 --> 01:02:27.840
treasures of my heart i value the treasures of my heart i don't give everybody wisdom i may coach you

978
01:02:27.840 --> 01:02:32.880
but i don't coach everybody i run into and when i do find myself in coach mode when i should have

979
01:02:32.880 --> 01:02:38.560
been i can feel the sting of it i was like they didn't give you authority in their life ebony

980
01:02:38.560 --> 01:02:45.200
why are you trying to coach them people don't know you you have no seat of authority there

981
01:02:45.760 --> 01:02:49.600
they shouldn't have so i just had to train myself and i encourage you to train yourself

982
01:02:49.600 --> 01:02:57.520
all of us train yourself in order and wisdom yeah thank you you're welcome so good anybody

983
01:02:57.520 --> 01:03:02.640
else want to share sure go for it nancy

984
01:03:08.400 --> 01:03:11.360
oh i thought i was muted i don't have anything there

985
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:16.080
i thought about that afterwards i thought that she thought she was muted

986
01:03:16.080 --> 01:03:23.920
all right who has for our last you know for our last um um few minutes i'm gonna go to 8 30

987
01:03:23.920 --> 01:03:28.080
um because we did have a coaching so please put your hand up if you have a coaching question

988
01:03:30.880 --> 01:03:34.640
and lead out with the question and then let me fill in from there

989
01:03:34.640 --> 01:03:38.240
so in case anybody else wants to go no coaching questions

990
01:03:41.680 --> 01:03:49.440
okay see i know um my friend nadine she she get the one o'clock scoop so she already have

991
01:03:49.440 --> 01:03:56.160
her stuff done i thank you ladies for sharing more on the oh here we go i don't know who came

992
01:03:56.160 --> 01:04:02.160
first because i was slipping through the pages but i see susan damarius hamlet and gail whichever

993
01:04:02.160 --> 01:04:08.400
order you came in go for it yeah i saw that sarah went before i start but it wasn't enough time but

994
01:04:08.400 --> 01:04:13.520
i did see your post and i'll get to i'll check it out tomorrow for sure all right go whoever went

995
01:04:13.520 --> 01:04:18.320
first i didn't see the hands come up when i came back to this page they were already there was it

996
01:04:18.320 --> 01:04:25.920
you susan anybody go no i think it was actually one of the other ladies i think i was up third but

997
01:04:25.920 --> 01:04:32.640
so someone else can go uh it might have been me i'm not sure but um okay so the coaching question

998
01:04:33.600 --> 01:04:40.880
um yes i've been an overshare but what if i find that this has been

999
01:04:43.280 --> 01:04:52.880
a problem for me to navigate like what if the other person is totally oversharing i know that

1000
01:04:52.880 --> 01:04:59.920
it's like deep like trauma stuff like inappropriate stuff that early

1001
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.360
Well, I didn't know that back then.

1002
01:05:01.360 --> 01:05:05.800
I know that now through y'all's teaching, through heart work, like, I've learned that

1003
01:05:05.800 --> 01:05:12.880
now that that is not a healthy thing for someone else to do, but I've recognized that what

1004
01:05:12.880 --> 01:05:21.480
someone else, when they started oversharing, it like, it literally like, on my inside,

1005
01:05:21.480 --> 01:05:22.720
it like opened the floodgates.

1006
01:05:22.720 --> 01:05:26.360
I was like, oh, they're sharing, I'm just going to share too.

1007
01:05:26.360 --> 01:05:34.080
And we're just going to talk over each other, you know, so what, obviously now I recognize,

1008
01:05:34.080 --> 01:05:40.280
but what do you have to say about guarding against that?

1009
01:05:40.280 --> 01:05:45.360
How can you guard against that?

1010
01:05:45.360 --> 01:05:46.800
Hmm.

1011
01:05:46.800 --> 01:05:54.800
Let me look it up and see.

1012
01:05:54.800 --> 01:05:55.800
That's the way that I.

1013
01:05:55.800 --> 01:05:56.800
Oh, it makes sense.

1014
01:05:56.800 --> 01:05:57.800
Okay.

1015
01:05:57.800 --> 01:05:58.800
Okay.

1016
01:05:58.800 --> 01:06:04.760
The reason why I'm looking up something else, because I, which everybody may not, you may

1017
01:06:04.760 --> 01:06:06.080
not operate this way.

1018
01:06:06.080 --> 01:06:12.120
I set laws in my life and I put myself under it, or I set rules and boundaries or wisdom,

1019
01:06:12.120 --> 01:06:16.040
order and structure, and I submit myself to it.

1020
01:06:16.040 --> 01:06:19.800
And I keep practicing until I come under with fidelity.

1021
01:06:20.800 --> 01:06:25.040
And even if I, even if something pops up, it doesn't matter to me because I'm a student

1022
01:06:25.040 --> 01:06:26.600
and I'm practicing.

1023
01:06:26.600 --> 01:06:32.320
And so if you tell me that this is wisdom not to do this and then I said, oh, that makes

1024
01:06:32.320 --> 01:06:33.320
sense to me.

1025
01:06:33.320 --> 01:06:34.320
Okay.

1026
01:06:34.320 --> 01:06:36.520
Every time I do it, I say, Hey, Hey, Hey, you did that again.

1027
01:06:36.520 --> 01:06:37.920
Let's try to come under this order.

1028
01:06:37.920 --> 01:06:40.280
Hey, Hey, Hey, let's come under this order.

1029
01:06:40.280 --> 01:06:46.720
So one thing that I did, I can remember now that I started out, I remember when I would

1030
01:06:46.720 --> 01:06:48.560
get on the phone with a person.

1031
01:06:48.560 --> 01:06:52.120
You know, have you ever gotten on the phone with a person and dumped, you just start dumping?

1032
01:06:52.120 --> 01:06:56.840
They'd be like, Hey, you'd be like, let me tell you what happened today.

1033
01:06:56.840 --> 01:07:00.280
And you just dump everything you have on that person.

1034
01:07:00.280 --> 01:07:03.680
Well, I started to feel what it was like to be dumped on.

1035
01:07:03.680 --> 01:07:06.960
And so I started making myself more conscious of dumping.

1036
01:07:06.960 --> 01:07:09.200
And I will say, how are you today?

1037
01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:14.000
So I will take a pause and I will stop myself and say, what do you have going on today?

1038
01:07:14.000 --> 01:07:18.760
And that will temper my anxiousness because a lot of reasons we overshare is because of

1039
01:07:18.760 --> 01:07:24.400
anxiousness or nervousness or loneliness, and we want to connect or we need someone

1040
01:07:24.400 --> 01:07:28.120
or, you know, we feel like we need someone to come in and jump in and save us.

1041
01:07:28.120 --> 01:07:32.000
None of these things are wrong, but these are just some of the reasons why we overshare,

1042
01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:33.000
right?

1043
01:07:33.000 --> 01:07:34.000
You're nervous, you're anxious.

1044
01:07:34.000 --> 01:07:35.280
You need to just get it out.

1045
01:07:35.280 --> 01:07:36.800
You need to just talk to somebody.

1046
01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:38.920
And before you know, you're, you're dumping.

1047
01:07:38.920 --> 01:07:42.320
And so one of the things that I used to do, Pamela, I was, I would pause and say, wait

1048
01:07:42.320 --> 01:07:43.320
a minute, how's your day going?

1049
01:07:43.640 --> 01:07:44.640
What did you do today?

1050
01:07:44.920 --> 01:07:49.120
Even though I'm making myself say this, it slows me down.

1051
01:07:49.120 --> 01:07:51.360
My nervous system begins to calm down.

1052
01:07:52.040 --> 01:07:54.120
And then when I say, what about you?

1053
01:07:54.600 --> 01:07:55.920
What's going on with you?

1054
01:07:56.120 --> 01:07:57.160
And I say it slow.

1055
01:07:57.480 --> 01:08:02.360
Well, today at work, then I'll talk, right?

1056
01:08:02.360 --> 01:08:04.800
But by this time, I've already paced myself.

1057
01:08:07.640 --> 01:08:12.320
One of the things you can also do, Pamela, is in your private time, you can process out

1058
01:08:12.320 --> 01:08:13.880
loud instead of inwardly.

1059
01:08:14.400 --> 01:08:18.960
Have you ladies ever processed so much inwardly that when it finally comes out, you didn't

1060
01:08:18.960 --> 01:08:22.479
even, it was in, you never got it out.

1061
01:08:22.479 --> 01:08:25.560
So then when it comes out, it comes out like a, like a water hole.

1062
01:08:29.120 --> 01:08:31.920
But some of those things you can do is journal.

1063
01:08:33.120 --> 01:08:33.880
Write it down.

1064
01:08:33.880 --> 01:08:38.359
Things change if you write down something first because you got it out.

1065
01:08:38.359 --> 01:08:39.520
What's the power in it?

1066
01:08:39.520 --> 01:08:40.520
You got it out.

1067
01:08:41.120 --> 01:08:46.160
Now you may be talking about, now, you may be talking about when you're sitting at dinner

1068
01:08:46.160 --> 01:08:49.359
with a man, would that be Pamela or is this just with anybody?

1069
01:08:53.359 --> 01:08:59.319
Well, yeah, if, yeah, I mean, if you notice what came to mind, that's, that's the

1070
01:08:59.319 --> 01:09:03.120
particular thing that I, the specific thing I'm talking about.

1071
01:09:03.160 --> 01:09:03.520
Yes.

1072
01:09:04.439 --> 01:09:05.880
So let's try this too.

1073
01:09:06.040 --> 01:09:10.439
This may be a formula to remember, but you can, you can write it down if you need to.

1074
01:09:10.680 --> 01:09:16.359
You want to pause and ask yourself, what is the purpose of this in your mind?

1075
01:09:16.640 --> 01:09:17.479
Why am I sharing?

1076
01:09:17.479 --> 01:09:19.960
These are the things that train you to stop.

1077
01:09:21.120 --> 01:09:25.800
These are the things that train you to know, to decipher between what is, should I share

1078
01:09:25.800 --> 01:09:27.000
and what should I not share?

1079
01:09:27.760 --> 01:09:32.240
What's leaving me vulnerable and open and what's guarding my heart without diligence.

1080
01:09:32.319 --> 01:09:35.560
Cause these are some of the things run like literally they run through my

1081
01:09:35.560 --> 01:09:36.760
mind all at the same time.

1082
01:09:37.520 --> 01:09:42.640
Even if I want to share a testimony, I'm selected over which one I share because

1083
01:09:42.640 --> 01:09:46.520
it may open me up in another way based on how they respond.

1084
01:09:47.040 --> 01:09:51.600
And because I'm aware of me, I have to guard my heart without diligence.

1085
01:09:51.640 --> 01:09:56.640
I can't have them to speak into something that is not open for people to speak into

1086
01:09:56.640 --> 01:09:56.920
yet.

1087
01:09:57.680 --> 01:09:59.960
And if you put it on the table, they have.

1088
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.680
right to say something because you opened the door and so no matter what you're sharing

1089
01:10:05.680 --> 01:10:11.200
their boundaries or guidelines or wisdom in sharing that then think about the audience.

1090
01:10:11.200 --> 01:10:17.760
We just talked about have they earned the right to right, right, no, right, the answer

1091
01:10:17.760 --> 01:10:18.760
is no.

1092
01:10:18.760 --> 01:10:21.120
Have they earned, have they earned the right to say something in your mind and say, well

1093
01:10:21.120 --> 01:10:22.120
I'll share with anybody.

1094
01:10:22.120 --> 01:10:24.800
Well, you shouldn't because it's not wisdom.

1095
01:10:24.800 --> 01:10:25.800
That's right.

1096
01:10:25.800 --> 01:10:28.840
Some things in your testimony you will get on a platform and share it with the world

1097
01:10:28.840 --> 01:10:33.320
but most of the things about you, you won't.

1098
01:10:33.320 --> 01:10:38.440
The audience should be, when I say worthy, not like measuring a person but they should

1099
01:10:38.440 --> 01:10:43.920
be someone that you don't mind sharing the treasures of your heart with.

1100
01:10:43.920 --> 01:10:47.320
So what would this do if I share it?

1101
01:10:47.320 --> 01:10:48.720
Will it help to heal?

1102
01:10:48.720 --> 01:10:51.360
Will it help to clarify?

1103
01:10:51.360 --> 01:10:53.480
What's the, what would it do?

1104
01:10:53.480 --> 01:10:57.000
How is it serving this conversation?

1105
01:10:57.000 --> 01:11:01.000
Yeah, makes sense.

1106
01:11:01.000 --> 01:11:06.120
And so when you start operating all these different, letting these things float around,

1107
01:11:06.120 --> 01:11:11.560
oh, one other thing, will I feel safe after I share it?

1108
01:11:11.560 --> 01:11:12.560
That's huge.

1109
01:11:12.560 --> 01:11:13.560
Right.

1110
01:11:13.560 --> 01:11:17.400
Will I still feel safe with them?

1111
01:11:17.400 --> 01:11:21.240
How could this information be used?

1112
01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:23.400
Yeah.

1113
01:11:23.400 --> 01:11:26.080
So I think some of those things helped.

1114
01:11:26.080 --> 01:11:32.640
And remember, we talk about this pacing thing a lot, but sharing in layers, people.

1115
01:11:32.640 --> 01:11:33.640
Let's slow walk this thing.

1116
01:11:33.640 --> 01:11:40.160
Ain't nothing wrong with taking a cruise through the park, just slow walk some stuff.

1117
01:11:40.160 --> 01:11:45.080
In layers, remember layers, we're like onions, fill us back.

1118
01:11:45.080 --> 01:11:50.680
It's something beautiful about finding out a person, learning about a person in layers.

1119
01:11:51.120 --> 01:11:56.720
If you tell somebody, open and shut your whole life in one moment, that's it.

1120
01:11:56.720 --> 01:11:58.200
They know everything.

1121
01:11:58.200 --> 01:12:00.760
Now what?

1122
01:12:00.760 --> 01:12:09.600
Let them explore you and discover you in layers and be intentional about it because it's fun.

1123
01:12:09.600 --> 01:12:11.640
So I hope that helps.

1124
01:12:11.640 --> 01:12:12.640
That did.

1125
01:12:12.640 --> 01:12:20.440
And I just want to say this too, I'm not going to claim that I'm an overshare in recovery.

1126
01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:22.200
I'm learning.

1127
01:12:22.200 --> 01:12:31.200
I'm not claiming that I'm still doing that because I'm learning and healing.

1128
01:12:31.200 --> 01:12:36.680
I've lacked boundaries and I've lacked what Holy Spirit has shown me throughout this whole

1129
01:12:36.680 --> 01:12:37.680
process.

1130
01:12:37.680 --> 01:12:41.360
And I've been gone from these meetings for a little while and I'm trying to get back

1131
01:12:41.360 --> 01:12:42.840
on track with them.

1132
01:12:42.840 --> 01:12:45.000
But I've watched some replays and things.

1133
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:55.440
And for me, like you said earlier, I didn't know that my, I knew about my worth like intellectually.

1134
01:12:55.440 --> 01:12:56.880
Like I'm like, yeah, well, I matter.

1135
01:12:56.880 --> 01:12:57.880
Of course I matter.

1136
01:12:57.880 --> 01:12:58.880
You know what I mean?

1137
01:12:58.880 --> 01:13:00.440
But it wasn't deep.

1138
01:13:00.440 --> 01:13:07.320
Like I didn't know about my worth and my value viscerally or spiritually, which is a journey

1139
01:13:07.320 --> 01:13:16.600
that, that, you know, getting close to God has taken me on or getting closer to him.

1140
01:13:16.600 --> 01:13:19.360
And so I lacked boundaries.

1141
01:13:19.360 --> 01:13:24.640
But what Holy Spirit told me was that you have knowledge, you know, you know, you know

1142
01:13:24.640 --> 01:13:30.160
what the, what the flags are, you know what the behavior is.

1143
01:13:30.160 --> 01:13:36.600
But I lacked the wisdom because I didn't have the courage and the courage, the lack of courage

1144
01:13:36.960 --> 01:13:45.520
was because I didn't have that spiritual and visceral worth and like knowledge of how God

1145
01:13:45.520 --> 01:13:46.560
sees me, you know?

1146
01:13:46.560 --> 01:13:52.440
And so that's something that over the last eight months, God has taken me, you know,

1147
01:13:52.440 --> 01:13:58.640
on that journey deeply, like painfully.

1148
01:13:58.640 --> 01:14:05.400
But I've, I've caught myself practicing boundaries in like little tiny ways that it'll come to

1149
01:14:05.440 --> 01:14:06.440
my attention.

1150
01:14:06.440 --> 01:14:14.120
I'll just want to use this one example because it's so like, whatever, I was at the car dealership

1151
01:14:14.120 --> 01:14:19.680
and this is, this is how much I'm, my personality is so agreeable.

1152
01:14:19.680 --> 01:14:23.560
Like and I kind of get mad at myself sometimes, but I'm trying to just use it as learning

1153
01:14:23.560 --> 01:14:24.560
opportunities.

1154
01:14:24.560 --> 01:14:29.080
The guy's like, I'm trying to schedule something for my vehicle and the guy's like, well, what,

1155
01:14:29.080 --> 01:14:31.320
you know, what, what day is good for you?

1156
01:14:31.320 --> 01:14:33.560
And I'm like, well, I don't know what day is good for you.

1157
01:14:33.720 --> 01:14:34.720
And he's like, you tell me.

1158
01:14:34.720 --> 01:14:37.680
And I'm like, I'm thinking to myself, wait, Pamela, stop it.

1159
01:14:37.680 --> 01:14:40.200
He, he's the employee.

1160
01:14:40.200 --> 01:14:44.160
He's asking you, you're the customer, you know what I mean?

1161
01:14:44.160 --> 01:14:49.720
And I know that seems like such a just casual, whatever example, but God, like he told me

1162
01:14:49.720 --> 01:14:54.040
right then and there, he was like, no, you tell him what's good for you.

1163
01:14:54.040 --> 01:14:55.560
You know what I mean?

1164
01:14:55.560 --> 01:15:00.120
So even in little things like that, I didn't realize how much.

1165
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:10.000
I was just not even in simple things, you know, so that was a, that was actually a profound

1166
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:15.000
lesson for me in something so simple in everyday life, you know.

1167
01:15:15.000 --> 01:15:18.000
For sure, yeah, that was really good.

1168
01:15:18.000 --> 01:15:19.760
Yeah, that's good.

1169
01:15:19.760 --> 01:15:22.000
Thank you for sharing Pamela.

1170
01:15:22.000 --> 01:15:24.000
Okay, who's next?

1171
01:15:24.000 --> 01:15:25.000
Go.

1172
01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:34.000
Oh, Damaris, they say you go.

1173
01:15:34.000 --> 01:15:35.000
Unmute.

1174
01:15:35.000 --> 01:15:39.000
Will you unmute please, Damaris?

1175
01:15:39.000 --> 01:15:42.000
I think I'm saying your name right.

1176
01:15:42.000 --> 01:15:43.000
Damaris.

1177
01:15:43.000 --> 01:15:44.000
Damaris.

1178
01:15:44.000 --> 01:15:45.000
Damaris.

1179
01:15:45.000 --> 01:15:46.000
Yes.

1180
01:15:46.000 --> 01:15:47.000
Yes, Damaris.

1181
01:15:47.000 --> 01:15:48.000
Okay.

1182
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:49.000
All right.

1183
01:15:49.000 --> 01:15:50.000
Okay.

1184
01:15:50.000 --> 01:15:51.000
Well, two things.

1185
01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:57.000
The one thing is that I'm kind of stuck at being here in this space for, I don't know,

1186
01:15:57.000 --> 01:16:03.000
probably a month and a half or maybe even two, and I haven't really done anything.

1187
01:16:03.000 --> 01:16:09.000
One, I get, you know, stories that I have heard of people that have gone dating and

1188
01:16:09.000 --> 01:16:12.000
then it's like I freeze and I don't want to go dating.

1189
01:16:12.000 --> 01:16:18.000
It's like I, I, it's like, oh no, I, I don't even want to look at the lessons or what Jackie's

1190
01:16:18.000 --> 01:16:23.000
going to tell me to do because like right now I don't know, so I'm okay.

1191
01:16:23.000 --> 01:16:28.000
But if she tells me and then it's like, oh, and so I'm stuck.

1192
01:16:28.000 --> 01:16:31.000
I just don't know how to move forward.

1193
01:16:31.000 --> 01:16:36.000
And I know I need to move forward.

1194
01:16:36.000 --> 01:16:39.000
And so I just, I just need help there.

1195
01:16:39.000 --> 01:16:45.000
And then another thing is that today we were talking about boundaries and I know that I

1196
01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:51.000
don't even respect my own boundaries because I, you know, like this, being fasting and

1197
01:16:51.000 --> 01:16:53.000
praying for these 21 days.

1198
01:16:53.000 --> 01:16:59.000
And, and I tell my daughter don't come right now because I want to be like in prayer and

1199
01:16:59.000 --> 01:17:00.000
this and that.

1200
01:17:00.000 --> 01:17:05.000
And, and I think she heard that just come, just come, you know?

1201
01:17:05.000 --> 01:17:14.000
And, and I just don't know how to sometimes respect even my own boundaries, you know,

1202
01:17:14.000 --> 01:17:15.000
that I set.

1203
01:17:15.000 --> 01:17:20.000
But yeah, so those two things, but yeah, I'm kind of stuck.

1204
01:17:21.000 --> 01:17:22.000
Oh yeah.

1205
01:17:22.000 --> 01:17:23.000
No, we understand the stuff.

1206
01:17:23.000 --> 01:17:26.000
You are not the only person stuck.

1207
01:17:26.000 --> 01:17:29.000
And so what I want to encourage you to do is go ahead and start watching those videos

1208
01:17:29.000 --> 01:17:31.000
because that's going to help you get unstuck.

1209
01:17:31.000 --> 01:17:34.000
Jackie is going to issue on the very first video.

1210
01:17:34.000 --> 01:17:37.000
She's going to issue that seven day challenge.

1211
01:17:37.000 --> 01:17:40.000
But since you've been stuck, I understand you don't feel any pressure.

1212
01:17:40.000 --> 01:17:45.000
So that's a good thing, but don't feel pressured to start listening to the videos, learning

1213
01:17:45.000 --> 01:17:48.000
from the videos, absorbing what she's sharing.

1214
01:17:48.000 --> 01:17:50.000
They're short and they're powerful.

1215
01:17:50.000 --> 01:17:55.000
And as you start absorbing the information, it's going to help you feel more equipped.

1216
01:17:55.000 --> 01:17:57.000
There's something in you that doesn't feel equipped.

1217
01:17:57.000 --> 01:17:59.000
We don't get stuck for no reason.

1218
01:17:59.000 --> 01:18:01.000
There's something in you at work.

1219
01:18:01.000 --> 01:18:04.000
And so I want you to start listening to those videos.

1220
01:18:04.000 --> 01:18:06.000
Nothing's going to be asking you.

1221
01:18:06.000 --> 01:18:08.000
Nothing's going to be asking you.

1222
01:18:08.000 --> 01:18:10.000
It's just actually teaching.

1223
01:18:10.000 --> 01:18:11.000
It's in the first video.

1224
01:18:11.000 --> 01:18:15.000
She talks about the seven day challenge, but you don't have to feel forced to do the seven

1225
01:18:15.000 --> 01:18:16.000
day challenge.

1226
01:18:16.000 --> 01:18:21.000
And then as you watch those videos, start coming in on the wall, your aha moments, what

1227
01:18:21.000 --> 01:18:23.000
you learned to define feminine is so good.

1228
01:18:23.000 --> 01:18:26.000
Someone just posted about how good that video was.

1229
01:18:26.000 --> 01:18:27.000
Rosanna, yes.

1230
01:18:27.000 --> 01:18:28.000
On the community.

1231
01:18:28.000 --> 01:18:29.000
Wow, it's so good.

1232
01:18:29.000 --> 01:18:32.000
I can listen to those teachings over and over and over again.

1233
01:18:32.000 --> 01:18:34.000
And so and I do.

1234
01:18:34.000 --> 01:18:36.000
And so do that.

1235
01:18:36.000 --> 01:18:41.000
Start coming to live live, because what happens is when you're around us talking and sharing

1236
01:18:41.000 --> 01:18:44.000
is spark something in you.

1237
01:18:44.000 --> 01:18:45.000
Okay.

1238
01:18:45.000 --> 01:18:46.000
It really, really does.

1239
01:18:46.000 --> 01:18:51.000
There are so many ladies who come to the live and they're like, I just can't do it.

1240
01:18:51.000 --> 01:18:52.000
I just don't want to do it.

1241
01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:53.000
I don't want to do it.

1242
01:18:53.000 --> 01:18:54.000
I don't want to do it.

1243
01:18:54.000 --> 01:18:55.000
Don't tell me to do it.

1244
01:18:55.000 --> 01:18:56.000
And then they're like, okay, what do I do?

1245
01:18:56.000 --> 01:18:58.000
I'm ready to create my profile.

1246
01:18:58.000 --> 01:19:01.000
I was like, okay, let us see.

1247
01:19:01.000 --> 01:19:03.000
I mean, you will grow by leaps and bounds.

1248
01:19:03.000 --> 01:19:06.000
I have watched it over and over and over again.

1249
01:19:06.000 --> 01:19:08.000
So just come and hang out.

1250
01:19:08.000 --> 01:19:10.000
Go to the prayer calls if you can.

1251
01:19:10.000 --> 01:19:13.000
We go to Saturday, Sunday.

1252
01:19:13.000 --> 01:19:14.000
And so get those two things.

1253
01:19:14.000 --> 01:19:18.000
Fill yourself with the goodness of God and the truth of God and get breakthrough and

1254
01:19:18.000 --> 01:19:19.000
freedom.

1255
01:19:19.000 --> 01:19:22.000
This is about you as a whole person.

1256
01:19:22.000 --> 01:19:24.000
It's not just about your husband

1257
01:19:24.000 --> 01:19:29.000
and see when you are not equipped, then you're not even ready for the capacity that is required

1258
01:19:29.000 --> 01:19:30.000
for marriage.

1259
01:19:30.000 --> 01:19:31.000
Anyway.

1260
01:19:31.000 --> 01:19:34.000
Rosanna said something that was so true, and I kind of want to piggyback out with it for

1261
01:19:34.000 --> 01:19:35.000
a few seconds.

1262
01:19:35.000 --> 01:19:36.000
She said, what?

1263
01:19:36.000 --> 01:19:40.000
My late husband, I didn't even know how to operate in boundaries.

1264
01:19:40.000 --> 01:19:47.000
Look, the equipping that happens on the inside of you is necessary for marriage.

1265
01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:50.000
You're not going to change because you marry somebody.

1266
01:19:50.000 --> 01:19:54.000
If you don't know how to set boundary, you're not a set boundary then.

1267
01:19:54.000 --> 01:19:57.000
If you do not speak up for yourself and any other lady who's been married on here, you

1268
01:19:57.000 --> 01:20:00.000
know, I know you don't know how to communicate now.

1269
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.280
Hey, you're not going to have community again.

1270
01:20:01.280 --> 01:20:03.080
You shut down then, you're going to shut down then.

1271
01:20:03.080 --> 01:20:06.360
You are the vehicle, which everything lives and grows.

1272
01:20:06.360 --> 01:20:10.380
And so all of these videos are created to empower you,

1273
01:20:10.380 --> 01:20:14.560
to impact you, and to help you transform as an individual.

1274
01:20:14.560 --> 01:20:16.880
That's why every time Jackie does a teaching on Saturday,

1275
01:20:16.880 --> 01:20:20.440
it's not about your husband, because it's about you.

1276
01:20:20.440 --> 01:20:23.360
And God wants to get to you.

1277
01:20:23.360 --> 01:20:27.800
Marriage is a light thing to the Lord, but he is after you.

1278
01:20:28.680 --> 01:20:30.600
So that when he put the two together,

1279
01:20:30.600 --> 01:20:33.880
they really can put tens of thousands to flight.

1280
01:20:33.880 --> 01:20:35.960
See, he's a long-term God.

1281
01:20:35.960 --> 01:20:37.680
He's in it for the long haul.

1282
01:20:37.680 --> 01:20:40.920
He lives in eternity, not on the time.

1283
01:20:40.920 --> 01:20:42.760
We, when we accept Christ, the Bible says

1284
01:20:42.760 --> 01:20:44.360
we also are eternal beings.

1285
01:20:44.360 --> 01:20:48.900
We live in eternity, right?

1286
01:20:48.900 --> 01:20:50.880
So a thousand years is a day unto the Lord,

1287
01:20:50.880 --> 01:20:52.980
and a day is as a thousand years.

1288
01:20:52.980 --> 01:20:55.320
So, all right, I don't want to start preaching,

1289
01:20:55.320 --> 01:20:57.440
running out of time, but I hope that helps.

1290
01:20:58.200 --> 01:20:59.840
That will help you get unstuck.

1291
01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:00.680
All right, thank you so much.

1292
01:21:00.680 --> 01:21:02.200
Go for it.

1293
01:21:02.200 --> 01:21:03.040
We're rooting for you.

1294
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:03.860
You're welcome.

1295
01:21:03.860 --> 01:21:04.700
I will, I will.

1296
01:21:04.700 --> 01:21:05.720
All right.

1297
01:21:05.720 --> 01:21:07.880
Okay, Gail, I done cut some of your minutes short,

1298
01:21:07.880 --> 01:21:09.040
but that's okay.

1299
01:21:09.040 --> 01:21:11.840
Gail, what's going on over there?

1300
01:21:11.840 --> 01:21:16.840
Well, I'm not even gonna go into the individual guides

1301
01:21:19.160 --> 01:21:20.320
and what I'm dealing with.

1302
01:21:20.320 --> 01:21:25.200
I had a fourth date with Mr. Amazon,

1303
01:21:25.200 --> 01:21:27.200
the one I was not attracted to.

1304
01:21:27.960 --> 01:21:30.160
All set to tell him, you know,

1305
01:21:30.160 --> 01:21:34.920
this is not working, but he is the most fruitful,

1306
01:21:36.640 --> 01:21:40.120
kind, generous, sweet man.

1307
01:21:40.120 --> 01:21:42.360
I just am not physically attracted,

1308
01:21:42.360 --> 01:21:44.560
but he happened to, we talked for two hours,

1309
01:21:44.560 --> 01:21:46.640
took me out to dinner Sunday,

1310
01:21:46.640 --> 01:21:49.760
and he ended up saying,

1311
01:21:49.760 --> 01:21:52.760
hey, what are you really, what's fun for you?

1312
01:21:52.760 --> 01:21:55.380
And I said, well, I love to dance.

1313
01:21:55.380 --> 01:21:56.760
I love to dance.

1314
01:21:57.320 --> 01:21:59.000
I never had anybody to dance with, you know.

1315
01:21:59.000 --> 01:22:00.760
I take ballroom dancing classes

1316
01:22:00.760 --> 01:22:02.880
and I dance with the instructors, you know.

1317
01:22:02.880 --> 01:22:04.400
And he goes, are you kidding?

1318
01:22:04.400 --> 01:22:07.520
I've been taking dancing lessons for about a year.

1319
01:22:07.520 --> 01:22:09.840
Would you be my partner?

1320
01:22:09.840 --> 01:22:11.840
So how can I say, go away?

1321
01:22:13.560 --> 01:22:16.800
So it's, I guess he's growing on me.

1322
01:22:18.480 --> 01:22:21.280
Oh, Gail, you're growing, a good man will grow on you.

1323
01:22:21.280 --> 01:22:25.440
But I'm not like, it's not full board, it's like a slow,

1324
01:22:26.920 --> 01:22:30.180
simmer, like a candle simmer, you know.

1325
01:22:31.120 --> 01:22:34.320
You know, but it's like, he would talk in my language,

1326
01:22:34.320 --> 01:22:37.040
you know, dancing and having fun.

1327
01:22:37.040 --> 01:22:40.920
He wanted a room so he could give me some advanced steps

1328
01:22:40.920 --> 01:22:42.800
before I go into his class and,

1329
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:48.160
anyways, but I'm talking to two or three others.

1330
01:22:48.160 --> 01:22:51.320
This is what, we're talking about boundaries.

1331
01:22:51.320 --> 01:22:56.160
I know my triggers, both my marriages ended

1332
01:22:56.600 --> 01:23:00.280
in cheating and porn, very strong porn acts,

1333
01:23:00.280 --> 01:23:01.920
both of my acts.

1334
01:23:03.920 --> 01:23:07.880
So I get a little annoyed, these guys,

1335
01:23:07.880 --> 01:23:10.240
that, I mean, it's almost a turn off.

1336
01:23:10.240 --> 01:23:13.080
They sound wonderful, but then they,

1337
01:23:13.080 --> 01:23:16.400
the first message out of their mouth is,

1338
01:23:16.400 --> 01:23:17.880
hello, dear.

1339
01:23:17.880 --> 01:23:18.880
Hey, sweetie.

1340
01:23:18.880 --> 01:23:20.800
Hey, beautiful.

1341
01:23:20.800 --> 01:23:23.440
And I all of a sudden wanna just, you know,

1342
01:23:23.440 --> 01:23:25.500
swipe left when they do that.

1343
01:23:26.520 --> 01:23:29.600
Is that me or is that how men talk sometimes?

1344
01:23:29.600 --> 01:23:32.800
Is that, cause I'm automatically thinking it's sexual

1345
01:23:32.800 --> 01:23:35.200
and, you know, and it definitely is language

1346
01:23:35.200 --> 01:23:38.820
should be met for an exclusive.

1347
01:23:38.820 --> 01:23:41.980
Or do men just don't know what they're doing?

1348
01:23:43.640 --> 01:23:45.920
A lot of men, when you're first getting to know them,

1349
01:23:45.920 --> 01:23:49.000
almost every woman in the program has complained about this.

1350
01:23:49.000 --> 01:23:50.420
I'm just gonna tell you that.

1351
01:23:50.420 --> 01:23:51.960
Men will start up with, hey, beautiful.

1352
01:23:51.960 --> 01:23:53.080
Hey, cutie.

1353
01:23:53.600 --> 01:23:56.520
Hey, this, hey, sweetie, of such sorts.

1354
01:23:56.520 --> 01:23:59.800
I would encourage, it's just, if he says you're beautiful,

1355
01:23:59.800 --> 01:24:00.960
you just see a beautiful woman,

1356
01:24:00.960 --> 01:24:02.760
I think they're just speaking.

1357
01:24:02.760 --> 01:24:04.800
Now there's a difference between that

1358
01:24:04.800 --> 01:24:06.040
and when you start talking to them,

1359
01:24:06.040 --> 01:24:07.200
they're like, okay, sweetie.

1360
01:24:07.200 --> 01:24:08.120
Okay, honey.

1361
01:24:08.120 --> 01:24:09.840
And then what you say is like,

1362
01:24:09.840 --> 01:24:13.560
hey, I would prefer that you call me Gail.

1363
01:24:13.560 --> 01:24:15.080
Okay.

1364
01:24:15.080 --> 01:24:15.960
Got it?

1365
01:24:15.960 --> 01:24:17.300
My name is Gail.

1366
01:24:17.300 --> 01:24:19.440
Call me Gail, I really would appreciate that.

1367
01:24:19.440 --> 01:24:20.600
And then if they do it again,

1368
01:24:20.600 --> 01:24:22.000
you just slightly look at them and say,

1369
01:24:22.000 --> 01:24:24.400
hey, I don't know if you remember,

1370
01:24:24.400 --> 01:24:27.000
but I mentioned that you calling me my name.

1371
01:24:27.000 --> 01:24:28.560
If that's gonna be a problem,

1372
01:24:28.560 --> 01:24:31.000
we're gonna have to go ahead and just,

1373
01:24:31.000 --> 01:24:32.560
release this relationship,

1374
01:24:32.560 --> 01:24:35.200
release this beginning stages now

1375
01:24:35.200 --> 01:24:37.360
because that's not working for me.

1376
01:24:37.360 --> 01:24:38.360
Okay.

1377
01:24:38.360 --> 01:24:41.320
Yeah, I didn't know if it was because I was hypersensitive

1378
01:24:41.320 --> 01:24:44.840
because of my past or if it was,

1379
01:24:44.840 --> 01:24:46.520
I mean, I feel like it's taboo.

1380
01:24:46.520 --> 01:24:50.720
Don't call me sweetheart or darling or,

1381
01:24:52.760 --> 01:24:55.880
in the first 10 minutes, you know?

1382
01:24:55.880 --> 01:24:56.880
Yeah.

1383
01:24:56.880 --> 01:24:58.120
No, no, I totally get it.

1384
01:24:58.120 --> 01:25:00.120
If that's a greeting, they're greeting.

1385
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.200
you that way i can see how that could be a turnout i'm not saying that but i have noticed that it is

1386
01:25:05.200 --> 01:25:13.040
a common thing and so it doesn't have to be offensive just kind of nicely tactfully set

1387
01:25:13.040 --> 01:25:18.400
a boundary and see if they listen them after you start talking if they use that language while

1388
01:25:18.400 --> 01:25:22.800
you're talking and conversating with them you have to say hey let's just stick with gail for now

1389
01:25:23.360 --> 01:25:29.600
and then uh the last thing is um now if they say something like hey sexy hey hey that's that that's

1390
01:25:29.600 --> 01:25:36.080
not that's not okay that's inappropriate okay yeah thank you all right yeah don't let them

1391
01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:41.280
grow on you too much i'm gonna have to get my dancing shoes out on the amazon man they got

1392
01:25:41.280 --> 01:25:45.840
you baby ain't nothing like a good man when you find yourself a good man it don't matter how tall

1393
01:25:45.840 --> 01:25:50.240
he is how short he is how round it is you'll start cooking healthy you won't get that weight out for

1394
01:25:50.560 --> 01:25:58.560
you'll be like i wasn't flat you because you got a good man and honey baby you know

1395
01:25:59.600 --> 01:26:06.960
you always just run across a good one all right all right thank you you're welcome gail

1396
01:26:07.920 --> 01:26:12.960
hey luanna is it like 30 seconds it's time for us to go but if you can give it to me in 30 seconds

1397
01:26:12.960 --> 01:26:19.440
i can respond to you in 30 seconds sure so um it's it was my first breakout room it was my

1398
01:26:19.440 --> 01:26:27.280
second time with you you're amazing um but i just feel so frustrated because i don't even

1399
01:26:27.280 --> 01:26:34.400
know what boundaries i have because i haven't been dating in four years and last week i did

1400
01:26:34.400 --> 01:26:44.240
try the apps and nobody came up to me to talk so i'm i don't know i must be doing something

1401
01:26:44.320 --> 01:26:52.320
really wrong because like in four years and nothing is like what the heck yeah you know

1402
01:26:53.360 --> 01:26:59.120
let's let us post your profile post your what you wrote on there post your pictures you're

1403
01:26:59.120 --> 01:27:03.680
talking about for the dating apps let us take a look at it yeah i tried hinge for the first time

1404
01:27:03.680 --> 01:27:13.600
i i signed up on thursday i want to say oh okay okay good to know okay because i i haven't tried

1405
01:27:14.240 --> 01:27:23.120
um i i did put up profiles before but then i didn't even get to do anything i quickly got

1406
01:27:23.120 --> 01:27:28.160
scared and and and removed it so hinge was the only one that i've been trying for

1407
01:27:29.840 --> 01:27:35.520
a couple of days or four days now a couple of days four days oh oh yeah yeah yeah i want to

1408
01:27:35.520 --> 01:27:40.800
say this too because you said something first that i want to address real quickly um you your

1409
01:27:40.800 --> 01:27:47.040
boundaries are identified in your in your life as a whole whatever you have in your life right now

1410
01:27:47.600 --> 01:27:51.120
let me let me finish this statement so you say i don't know what they're like because i haven't

1411
01:27:51.120 --> 01:27:57.440
dated whatever you have now is how you're going to show up in dating so if you're saying you don't

1412
01:27:57.440 --> 01:28:02.880
have boundaries in your life as an individual then we want to start setting some boundaries

1413
01:28:02.880 --> 01:28:09.360
and pick the area that you feel that you know you need to put some in because it's not dating that

1414
01:28:10.240 --> 01:28:14.320
it's not dating if you talk about kissing physical touching and things of that such

1415
01:28:14.320 --> 01:28:18.960
sorts no those boundaries haven't been tested right like touching i'm at a point where i

1416
01:28:18.960 --> 01:28:25.360
wanted to have those problems oh i know it's like can i have a problem with feeling something going

1417
01:28:25.360 --> 01:28:32.480
down um i feel a little spark go out through me i get it but um if you overshare you can

1418
01:28:32.480 --> 01:28:36.880
overshare on a date just like you overshare with people in your your community like so a lot of

1419
01:28:36.880 --> 01:28:43.280
these boundaries are transferable sarah likes facebook dating just to tell you if you check out

1420
01:28:43.280 --> 01:28:49.280
the chat i like facebook dating too it's free yeah i don't know like i i moved to oklahoma

1421
01:28:49.280 --> 01:28:56.640
a year ago and maybe that's what it is because they all have pictures of like them killing deer

1422
01:28:56.640 --> 01:29:05.840
and not going and loving the outdoors and i hate the outdoors what can i do like i'm sorry

1423
01:29:07.360 --> 01:29:11.680
i don't know i think they just come up with their foodery because i'm like ain't all y'all fishing

1424
01:29:11.680 --> 01:29:17.280
on no boat and all y'all ain't killing deer i don't know where that food come from but it's

1425
01:29:17.280 --> 01:29:23.520
just it's like it's flooded yeah so like it's the first picture like a dead deer i'm like why

1426
01:29:23.520 --> 01:29:32.000
this is so scary yeah yeah well post on the wall for me i'll follow up some more questions for

1427
01:29:32.080 --> 01:29:35.360
more things with you and if you like kind of a screenshot of my profile

1428
01:29:36.160 --> 01:29:41.200
yes let us see what you wrote let us see your pictures let us see what you have um they're

1429
01:29:41.200 --> 01:29:45.440
not going to let you upload multiples at one time so you can just do a little bit at a time if you

1430
01:29:45.440 --> 01:29:51.120
want no pressure and then we'll take a look at it because there's definitely nothing wrong with you

1431
01:29:51.120 --> 01:29:59.920
all is well it doesn't seem like the guys think so because nobody's coming up nobody shows up

1432
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.320
Oh, well, you know, have you liked some people to like,

1433
01:30:03.320 --> 01:30:04.760
have you liked on some people?

1434
01:30:04.760 --> 01:30:07.360
Well, mistakenly I did,

1435
01:30:07.360 --> 01:30:09.640
because I didn't know how it worked.

1436
01:30:09.640 --> 01:30:13.240
And then I saw like some cute pictures of puppies and stuff.

1437
01:30:13.240 --> 01:30:16.160
And I'm like, oh, this is cute.

1438
01:30:16.160 --> 01:30:18.920
And I actually liked them, I didn't know.

1439
01:30:18.920 --> 01:30:21.840
So go back to the app and do it intentionally.

1440
01:30:21.840 --> 01:30:23.520
Liking goes both ways.

1441
01:30:24.880 --> 01:30:25.720
Oh, okay.

1442
01:30:26.720 --> 01:30:28.840
Uh-huh, yeah.

1443
01:30:28.840 --> 01:30:31.120
So you get to pick some people you like too.

1444
01:30:33.320 --> 01:30:34.160
All right.

1445
01:30:36.920 --> 01:30:39.600
Okay, all right, okay.

1446
01:30:39.600 --> 01:30:41.720
So, hey, Felicia, so good to hear from you.

1447
01:30:41.720 --> 01:30:43.080
Is it time for my dancing shoes?

1448
01:30:43.080 --> 01:30:45.800
This is the activation that I'm going to post

1449
01:30:45.800 --> 01:30:48.440
and I want all of you to participate in it.

1450
01:30:48.440 --> 01:30:49.680
And here it is.

1451
01:30:49.680 --> 01:30:53.760
This is called the boundary exposure challenge.

1452
01:30:53.840 --> 01:30:55.800
So you got to pick your category.

1453
01:30:55.800 --> 01:30:56.840
Which person are you?

1454
01:30:56.840 --> 01:30:58.480
We did that tonight, all right?

1455
01:30:58.480 --> 01:31:01.800
And then you're going to practice one small boundary

1456
01:31:01.800 --> 01:31:03.320
this week to work on.

1457
01:31:03.320 --> 01:31:05.960
So if you're the person who struggles with setting boundaries

1458
01:31:05.960 --> 01:31:06.880
you get to choose,

1459
01:31:06.880 --> 01:31:08.960
do you want to say no without an explanation?

1460
01:31:08.960 --> 01:31:10.320
Is that what you're going to practice?

1461
01:31:10.320 --> 01:31:12.480
Are you going to practice asking for clarity?

1462
01:31:12.480 --> 01:31:16.440
Are you going to practice not oversharing or overexplaining?

1463
01:31:16.440 --> 01:31:19.480
Are you going to practice ending conversations early?

1464
01:31:19.480 --> 01:31:22.480
Are you going to practice no over texting?

1465
01:31:22.480 --> 01:31:24.400
If you're the person with lots of boundaries

1466
01:31:24.400 --> 01:31:26.320
and it's four knots around there,

1467
01:31:26.320 --> 01:31:28.920
we want you to practice sharing one honest feeling

1468
01:31:28.920 --> 01:31:30.120
without minimizing.

1469
01:31:31.080 --> 01:31:34.840
Practice asking for help once this week.

1470
01:31:34.840 --> 01:31:36.880
Practice staying in a conversation

1471
01:31:36.880 --> 01:31:39.560
slightly longer than comfortable.

1472
01:31:39.560 --> 01:31:41.640
Practice allowing someone to support you

1473
01:31:41.640 --> 01:31:44.080
without fixing it yourself.

1474
01:31:44.080 --> 01:31:48.000
And practicing initiating connection instead of waiting.

1475
01:31:49.240 --> 01:31:51.440
What will everyone do when you do this?

1476
01:31:51.440 --> 01:31:53.200
You're going to tell us what happened.

1477
01:31:53.200 --> 01:31:54.720
Track it or journal it.

1478
01:31:54.720 --> 01:31:56.960
You're going to tell us how it felt for you.

1479
01:31:56.960 --> 01:31:59.400
And then you're going to tell us what you learned.

1480
01:32:00.760 --> 01:32:04.000
Yes, all of this, this, this, this,

1481
01:32:04.000 --> 01:32:05.160
what am I trying to say?

1482
01:32:05.160 --> 01:32:08.200
This activation is already up for you guys.

1483
01:32:08.200 --> 01:32:11.080
It's already in the app, okay?

1484
01:32:11.080 --> 01:32:12.920
And so I hope that you have fun with it.

1485
01:32:12.920 --> 01:32:14.680
I enjoy seeing all of y'all tonight.

1486
01:32:14.680 --> 01:32:17.160
As always, you know, I wish we had one more time,

1487
01:32:17.160 --> 01:32:18.720
but we don't.

1488
01:32:18.720 --> 01:32:20.920
And post all your questions in the app

1489
01:32:21.360 --> 01:32:22.720
and we'll try to get to you guys.

1490
01:32:22.720 --> 01:32:23.640
Have a good night.

1491
01:32:23.640 --> 01:32:26.800
And it's always my pleasure to partner with you all

1492
01:32:26.800 --> 01:32:28.040
and do this journey.

1493
01:32:28.040 --> 01:32:28.880
Good night.

1494
01:32:29.960 --> 01:32:31.840
Thank you, Ebony.

1495
01:32:31.840 --> 01:32:33.040
You're welcome.

1496
01:32:33.040 --> 01:32:33.880
Thank you.

1497
01:32:34.880 --> 01:32:36.840
Thank you, Ebony.

1498
01:32:36.840 --> 01:32:37.680
You're welcome.

1499
01:32:37.680 --> 01:32:38.680
Good night, ladies.