WEBVTT

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Welcome, everybody. This is the Men's Night, January 26th. I am pinch-hitting for David,

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and I'll be happy to answer any questions that you guys have, whether it's, what do

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women think about this, and or this has come up. I'll be happy to, but I also have a little

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something else that I wanted to do. But Mike, you have a question, right? I think you said

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you had a question or a comment. So, you know, like I characterize people too quickly because

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I'm not going to avoid this, you know, like all the different attachment styles, right?

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So this gal and I have been, when we're together, it's like amazing, like completely phenomenal.

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Are you dating somebody? That's a good question. I'm so excited. Well, but like, so we were

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supposed to go bowling two weeks ago. Okay. Right? She got the flu, which wasn't a big

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deal, right? She's like, hey, you know, single mom, whatever. Like she's, she's, I love her

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kiddos too, but part of my revival group. But so after the thing, she's like, hey, can

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I reschedule? Please don't hate me. And I'm like, I'd never hate you, you know? So then

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I went to reschedule and she's just like, so she's kind of disappeared. And I'm like,

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I don't know. How long ago, how long ago did she ask to reschedule? Like two weeks ago. Okay.

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So like, so I don't know. I don't know if like, you know, I was thinking of the avoidant behavior

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or whatever. Um, I, she's not really used to being cared for well, right. You know?

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And so I'm wondering, and so like the fact that she said, please don't hate me,

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broke my heart. Right. You know, like, well, that's her stuff, right? Like that's her stuff.

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So I'm just trying to figure out like, is this an avoidant thing? I mean, she,

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she checks my Instagram every day. She doesn't really respond super. She doesn't respond to

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bids for connection, but she's still responding kind of. How, how many times did you guys go out

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on a date? I've known her for two years. Yeah. And we've been on three days, three,

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three dates technically, I guess. Okay. And when was the last time you guys went on a date?

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I think a month ago. Okay. Like I said, two weeks ago, we were supposed to have another one,

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but yeah. So like before Christmas. Yeah, actually. Sorry. I'm terrible with time.

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Yeah. So you saw her before Christmas. You guys were supposed to see each other a couple of weeks

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ago. Yeah. And when was your very first date with her?

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Like two months ago, two and a half months ago. Okay. So you had three dates in a matter of eight

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weeks ish. Yeah. So yeah. Okay. That's perfect. Okay. And so since the whole, can we reschedule,

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do you guys talk on the phone? Do you text? She doesn't like talking on the phone,

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which I've never understood. So I'm trying to, well, you're learning each other, right?

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And so, I don't know, like the got ones would say like the bids, she's not good at accepting

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bids for connection and she's a single mom. So she is really busy. Right. Like, you know, so.

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Yeah. But everybody has time to make time for somebody. I'm just of that mindset.

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No, I completely agree. Is she in this program or no?

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I wish. That'd be awesome. So, well, it sounds like she might need some hard work, but

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I mean, I just feel like when people, somebody asked me that a couple of weeks ago, or one of

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the questions, Renee, what would you have done differently now that you're married?

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I wouldn't have given so much grace sometimes for people. Like I give a lot of excuses

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for people to breadcrumb me, you know what I mean? And so I think it's really okay to say,

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you know, Hey Sally, just pretend her name is Sally. Hey Sally, you know, I really enjoyed

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getting to know you and I still don't know really about anything, but I'd love to be intentional and

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get to continue to get to know you. If that's not something you have the capacity for right now,

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or the desire, you know, let me just, just feel free to let me know. And you know, I won't bug

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you, you know, or something like that. It's her birthday today. Did you send her a message?

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Yeah, of course. I mean, I threw her a little shindig because she's part of my small group,

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right? Oh, so I'm sorry. How often do you guys see each other in small group?

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Uh, once a week, but then now her kids are in football. So like, she doesn't come.

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So, anyways, it's her birthday today, but I guess my question is, I've left so many

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bridges out there, and none of them have been crossed, do I just let it hang and let it

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fly?

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Yeah.

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I think you need to.

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Yeah.

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I think you need to, Mike, especially because you guys are in the same community.

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You don't want to stalk her or anything.

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And look, you're clear.

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I'm sure you are clear, and you're being intentional.

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I used to think we needed to know why people are backing off, but you know what?

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Question.

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We don't know.

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Where's that coming from?

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Yes, Mr. Kenton.

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Oh, Kenton.

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Kenton, I'm so excited to see you again.

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I am, too.

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It's good to be back again.

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It's been a wild ride for the last little while, so thanks, guys, I appreciate that.

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It's good to see you as well, Ms. Rizzo.

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Mrs. DeVore now.

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It's Mrs. I know, DeVore.

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I just give her a bad name.

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Anyway, Mike, you were about to say that one of the small groups has been showing up in

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the small groups?

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Up until last week, yeah.

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Because now her kids are in a football league that doesn't work with their schedule.

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Okay.

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You know, I was just going to say that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And then when they kicked off?

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They didn't do anything.

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I don't know.

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No, I was just saying my policing sticks kicked in right there, because sometimes, when they

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have troubles with their kids and whatnot, they pull back.

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And they're just, they just not, you know, they just can't put it all together, so they

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just sort of not drop you off to the side, but sometimes they just are so busy that they

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just can't get back to you.

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That's why I was curious.

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I mean, I'm busy right now.

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I'm just like, I want to keep you busy to at least let you know that listen, you know,

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I'm busy, et cetera, et cetera.

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So it's not you.

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It's me syndrome.

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Yeah.

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No, that's kind of what I figured.

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I mean, she kind of, and she thinks she kind of already said that.

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Right?

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Because she said it, you know, please don't hate me.

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So she knows she's doing it.

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Like, she knows she's rescheduling and here's the difference.

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Like, she didn't just cancel and reschedule, she didn't reschedule.

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Like, Hey, I can't do Thursday, but cause like, I know when I've had to reset a schedule,

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when it's people I like, and this is just girls to work relationships, friend relationships

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and people I liked.

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If I genuinely couldn't make it that night, didn't have the capacity, but did want it

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to see them.

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I was already booking the next appointment, even if it was a week or two out.

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Like so I feel like, so the phrase I've heard is, you know,

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and it's kind of a, it's not a fair term, but it's like, they like you, but not enough.

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But that was such a freeing, like, I don't know if any of you guys are old enough to

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remember.

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You know, when Berger kind of broke up with Carrie on Sex and the City on a post-it, he's

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just not that into you.

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And the whole book came out, he's just not that into you.

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And I think that goes both ways for men and women.

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And I don't like the phrase, he's just not that into you, but cause sometimes people

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genuinely like somebody like, I like that person, but I don't like, so she might like

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you, but she's not liking you enough to fit you in while she's raising kids and while

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she's in the middle of chaos, whether that's her avoidant, her lack of heartwork, doesn't

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like you enough, doesn't like herself enough, doesn't think she deserves to be a priority

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in her children's life right now.

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It really doesn't matter what the reason is.

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You don't have to manage the reason.

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And so, I mean, if I were you, I wouldn't ask her out again.

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I feel like you've made your intentions clear.

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You've been kind to her.

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She needs, she's the one that canceled, so she really needs to be the one to pick that

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ball back up.

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That's just my opinion.

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And that's what I was figuring.

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I just wanted to make sure that I would, no, I mean, you're just confirming everything

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that I thought, right?

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And like I said, I have some other relational authorities that I cleared it with.

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So I just wanted to make sure I got everything good.

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You did.

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And you know what?

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I mean, here's my hope with all of you, because you guys are all amazing people.

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You all deserve to have somebody who matches your energy.

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Like you all deserve to be with a woman who you're not second guessing your intentions

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and your time and your capacity.

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She's matching your energy that, you know, she didn't have to be perfect.

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You don't have to be perfect.

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You don't have to be perfectly healed.

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She doesn't have to be perfectly healed, but the intention and the pursuits matching.

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So you can just get to, you know, enjoy each other.

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And Kenton, there was somebody I wanted, there was a woman I met and I thought, oh my gosh,

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you would be.

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Perfect for her and then I haven't seen you in forever and now I got to start racking my brain

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Who I was talking to

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You'd be a lucky lady

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Okay, Kenton. Have you not if you not been around a while?

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Do you need to give all of us an update on where you've been or I just is it just me?

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I've not seen you. Yeah, just let me give me two seconds here. I'm just dropping something off. I'll be right back. Okay, no problem

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Um

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Is there anybody on here for the first time obviously, I know Thomas Griffin. I know Hunter. I know Matthew

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I know David. It's my it's my first time with my new fade haircut. Hey, you know why I love it Hunter

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You've been looking stud muffin II. I mean like you've been up in your game

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I'm just saying they said the beard delays. I want me said the beards good

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I told him that I just need to stay to complete it. It went so well that I've told you a hundred dude

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Keep it bro. Keep it

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I'm all for the rugged look. I like a nice. What about the fear? What about the fade? Love it

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well, I just

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Solid level two relationship right now that that lasted I had a video chat with someone in Mississippi this this

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Christina Bernard and and it lasted 50 minutes

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Wait, I'm sorry. The level two date lasted 50 minutes. Well, the video chat lasted 50 minutes

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I'm in a level two relationship with her

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But she's gonna go with a job coach and then have one more via chat before we try to meet in person

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By the way, you know what you did what you need to not do next time when we were all together in a co-ed environment

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You mentioned her by name first and last name and she's on the call like she's in community

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So you guys can't do that?

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We have to make sure that when we speak of somebody else in the community because you wouldn't want them to do that to you

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Conversation because you weren't the only person that's done it like another people have done it before

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Like we just said be really careful when we're talking about somebody else in community

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That we just say this girl or this guy like we've had that same conversation

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So you just don't want to make sure she feels like she just got put on the spot. Yeah

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No, I figured that was a bit embarrassing. I after well, we did

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Take it out on the replay

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So it's so I don't think she was there that night and I took it out on that

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We took it out on the replay. So don't be offended that we took it out. We just thought it would protect you more

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It's for the best. Anyway, so I figured you know what? Let's

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Reflect on thinking, you know what? Let's not do that anymore. Yeah, that's that's what I was thinking, too

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Yeah, I mean and here's the thing you guys when you're on ask Jackie or when you're on a coaching call with me and it's

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Coed you can absolutely ask about a dating scenario. I mean, there's like 600 women in the community

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So there's no way we would know who she is

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She might know who she is right, but you're not gonna say things you might say she's in the south

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I'm in the north like you might reference, you know, she lives, you know ten states away from me

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There are things that you can say

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To help us help you without completely completely outing the person if that makes sense

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But if you did it with no with no harm, no, no harm. No foul. Um

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Okay

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Just just want to speak guys like gotta keep the safety

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You got to be the safe place and if you're speaking her name out, you're not safe, right?

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Like just then she's exposed. So you got to keep that covering

230
00:13:33.140 --> 00:13:35.140
Yeah

231
00:13:35.140 --> 00:13:42.100
Yeah, it's all good though, you know grace about grace abounds. Okay, Bob Bates. Do I know you I feel like you look familiar

232
00:13:42.100 --> 00:13:44.100
But I'm not sure

233
00:13:44.340 --> 00:13:48.820
I joined about two months ago. I guess let me be a little more further than that

234
00:13:48.820 --> 00:13:53.560
So, do you know who I do? You know who I am? I was on a call with you

235
00:13:53.560 --> 00:13:57.660
I don't know. Maybe the last call you're on it was been a little while maybe two months ago

236
00:13:57.980 --> 00:14:04.420
Okay, I just you I just wanted to make sure you and Christopher knew who I was you're like who's this chick running the class

237
00:14:04.700 --> 00:14:10.100
So yeah, I've been a part of this program for five years now you guys it was I joined

238
00:14:10.860 --> 00:14:12.860
Valentine's Day weekend

239
00:14:12.900 --> 00:14:19.900
For the challenge five years ago 2021 right after a really icky breakup

240
00:14:21.180 --> 00:14:22.420
and

241
00:14:22.420 --> 00:14:29.460
I was a member like I feel like the hair club people I was a member and then I became a teacher and

242
00:14:29.740 --> 00:14:31.740
Then I got married

243
00:14:32.060 --> 00:14:38.580
I've had a few almost and then I got married in October. We just got back from our honeymoon y'all

244
00:14:38.820 --> 00:14:43.640
Okay, y'all have not seen me since our honeymoon Brian's right in the other room playing a video game

245
00:14:43.860 --> 00:14:48.420
He's got his earphones on he can't hear me y'all. What game is he playing? I

246
00:14:49.220 --> 00:14:54.340
Don't know I should find out hunter cuz I don't know I'm not into video things

247
00:14:54.340 --> 00:14:59.820
So I don't know he plays with other people, you know, you play online. He actually used to play it a whole lot more

248
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.460
me before me, and I think a lot less so.

249
00:15:03.460 --> 00:15:05.340
So I was like, do you want to join me on the call?

250
00:15:05.340 --> 00:15:06.800
He's like, No, I'm just going to do a video.

251
00:15:06.800 --> 00:15:09.380
I'm like, OK, yeah.

252
00:15:10.380 --> 00:15:14.020
But y'all, day two of our honeymoon, I got bronchitis.

253
00:15:14.060 --> 00:15:15.180
It was not.

254
00:15:15.900 --> 00:15:18.480
And then he I was all in, though.

255
00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:21.100
I'm actually I was a really fun, sick person.

256
00:15:21.100 --> 00:15:21.780
I really was.

257
00:15:21.780 --> 00:15:23.980
I was hacking up along, but I still went to the beach.

258
00:15:23.980 --> 00:15:24.940
I still drank.

259
00:15:24.940 --> 00:15:26.120
I still had fun.

260
00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:28.480
I just needed to be in bed by 10.

261
00:15:28.500 --> 00:15:31.920
But halfway through, he's like, I love you, but you need to sit over.

262
00:15:33.920 --> 00:15:36.920
But and then he got sick on the way home and then he's been sick

263
00:15:36.920 --> 00:15:37.840
for the last two weeks.

264
00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:39.880
He actually ended up needing antibiotics.

265
00:15:39.880 --> 00:15:42.760
But, you know, it was all good.

266
00:15:42.760 --> 00:15:46.900
I mean, it was like what you guys would have been laughed at me.

267
00:15:46.900 --> 00:15:51.520
I brought our I brought my laptop and we did our goals

268
00:15:51.520 --> 00:15:56.200
like smart goals for the year and like financial future

269
00:15:56.660 --> 00:15:59.960
faith, fitness, family and friends.

270
00:16:00.220 --> 00:16:03.960
And then I like put it into chat, GPT, and I said, give me verses

271
00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:06.100
and words and images.

272
00:16:06.100 --> 00:16:08.340
And so then from that,

273
00:16:09.300 --> 00:16:11.440
I created our little vision board.

274
00:16:11.760 --> 00:16:16.860
And so it's got like a it gave it gave him the word steadfast.

275
00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:21.020
Us as a couple, the word abide and then me, the word grounded.

276
00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:25.200
And y'all, if you have not done that yet for this, all it's

277
00:16:25.200 --> 00:16:27.620
so it just has pictures with verses.

278
00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:30.260
So it just is a reminder.

279
00:16:30.260 --> 00:16:33.300
And I'm actually going to show it to a small group that I'm leading

280
00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:36.000
and then we're going to hang it up

281
00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:40.180
because it's just a visual reminder for us, like what we're going to go after.

282
00:16:40.180 --> 00:16:43.420
And so if you've not done something like that for the year

283
00:16:43.640 --> 00:16:46.180
and you're feeling stuck, I highly recommend it.

284
00:16:46.180 --> 00:16:49.980
Come up with some good smart goals and think about those categories.

285
00:16:49.980 --> 00:16:53.980
Future fitness, faith, family, financial

286
00:16:54.260 --> 00:16:56.380
and then blump it into chat, GPT.

287
00:16:56.380 --> 00:17:00.040
And it gave me Bible verses and words and images.

288
00:17:00.040 --> 00:17:02.280
And so it was a really cool way to kind of get us.

289
00:17:02.640 --> 00:17:05.079
And so we do like weekly team meetings.

290
00:17:05.380 --> 00:17:08.319
Hello. We're doing a daily devotional together.

291
00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:09.460
And I'm not going to lie.

292
00:17:09.460 --> 00:17:14.220
Like we've already had had to do like we're like, crap, we have three days.

293
00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:19.460
But we were actually all caught up right now.

294
00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:22.760
And so I highly recommend that

295
00:17:23.740 --> 00:17:25.839
even as a single person.

296
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.220
Did you see you're doing, Kylo?

297
00:17:28.220 --> 00:17:32.060
No. Well, I thought you said keeping your love on.

298
00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:35.220
Oh, we do high lows, high lows.

299
00:17:35.260 --> 00:17:37.000
So, oh, OK.

300
00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:41.000
Hi, I was like, hi, hi, like so when we meet, it's like,

301
00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:43.240
oh, what was your high this week? What was your low?

302
00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:47.340
And actually, you guys do that is really good.

303
00:17:47.340 --> 00:17:50.980
So if you're ever dating somebody, it's not like if you get serious,

304
00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:56.780
it's not a bad thing to do because one of his lows one week was he

305
00:17:57.340 --> 00:18:01.380
he did not know how to advocate for himself in his marriages.

306
00:18:01.880 --> 00:18:05.440
And so standing up to me and asking for what he needed

307
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:07.480
one week was a really big deal for him.

308
00:18:08.020 --> 00:18:11.620
And he really like it weighed on him all the rest of the week.

309
00:18:11.620 --> 00:18:13.220
And so that was a low for him.

310
00:18:13.220 --> 00:18:14.820
He said he felt so bad doing that.

311
00:18:14.820 --> 00:18:15.600
I'm like, oh, my.

312
00:18:15.600 --> 00:18:18.420
And the funny thing was, I didn't even remember him doing it.

313
00:18:18.420 --> 00:18:19.900
Like it was so appropriate.

314
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:24.760
Like he was appropriately calling me out on something and asking for something.

315
00:18:24.760 --> 00:18:26.760
And I was like, oh, my gosh, you're totally right.

316
00:18:26.760 --> 00:18:29.260
Totally. And I never thought about it again.

317
00:18:29.600 --> 00:18:32.260
And for him, it just hung with him.

318
00:18:32.560 --> 00:18:37.800
And so because we did a high low, he was able to release himself from that.

319
00:18:37.800 --> 00:18:40.580
I'm like, oh, you need to let that go.

320
00:18:40.580 --> 00:18:43.340
Like, I need you to do that in this marriage.

321
00:18:43.340 --> 00:18:45.480
Like, I need you to tell me what you need.

322
00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:47.140
Like, I can't read your mind.

323
00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:52.500
I can't. And I had no idea how hard that was for or that it like you sat in it.

324
00:18:52.500 --> 00:18:55.160
Like, I would have never known that it's been bothering you.

325
00:18:56.800 --> 00:19:01.900
So like, that's also my little tidbit for y'all, too.

326
00:19:03.880 --> 00:19:05.680
Kenton, are you back in the car?

327
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:10.240
I am back. OK, so you said your life's been a little interesting.

328
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:14.860
So does everybody else knows what's going on or do we all want an update from Kenton?

329
00:19:15.720 --> 00:19:19.680
All right. This is my first time, so I'm trying to play catch up desperate.

330
00:19:20.080 --> 00:19:22.580
OK, so, Christopher, let me give you the skinny.

331
00:19:22.580 --> 00:19:23.420
Bless your heart.

332
00:19:23.420 --> 00:19:26.820
I was I actually asked at some point if this was somebody's first time.

333
00:19:27.360 --> 00:19:29.460
OK, I apologize.

334
00:19:29.460 --> 00:19:32.060
OK, so, Christopher, catch me up.

335
00:19:32.060 --> 00:19:34.960
Have you started watching any of the videos yet?

336
00:19:35.460 --> 00:19:37.360
Yeah, I complete.

337
00:19:38.100 --> 00:19:40.460
Sorry, I've completed week one. Yes.

338
00:19:40.460 --> 00:19:44.500
Perfect. OK, so because it's a little more loosey

339
00:19:44.520 --> 00:19:47.220
goose with the men, so when the women do heartwork,

340
00:19:48.600 --> 00:19:51.260
there are like five main weeks. Right.

341
00:19:51.260 --> 00:19:54.820
And so Bethany kind of rotates talking about the topics.

342
00:19:55.260 --> 00:19:58.160
And so basically it starts back at the top.

343
00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.020
So no matter so when.

344
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:15.000
You're watching week one in the videos and reading the book and may not match up when the teaching is here. It's a little bit more free willy. However, since you did just finish week one. Did you read the book, too. Or did you just watch the videos.

345
00:20:15.120 --> 00:20:21.760
Oh, yeah, I'm all in. I read, read the book, watch the videos. The only thing I haven't done is the dream one because that's really long.

346
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:24.120
Oh, yeah, it is. Okay.

347
00:20:25.320 --> 00:20:33.280
Tell me if you don't mind. Well, everybody does not know Mike. I'm Chris. So Chris, are you able to come on camera or no?

348
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:36.400
Zim's not letting me because I'm driving. But when I

349
00:20:37.520 --> 00:20:37.960
I will.

350
00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:44.360
Okay, no worries. Okay, so just tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell us how old you are. If you've ever been married.

351
00:20:45.360 --> 00:20:56.680
Where do you live in the country? What do you do? And what brought you here? And then I'll have the I'll have I'll pass the baton and let the other guys say one minute on each of them as well.

352
00:20:57.600 --> 00:21:09.400
I live in the Sacramento area. I have I do a 911 dispatching. So I'm on the answer 911 I do the radio for police.

353
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:12.760
And I do

354
00:21:13.760 --> 00:21:31.720
Yeah, I found this through a friend that did some some work with the company and he recommended I was married about nine years ago, my wife passed away of cancer. We were married for five years. So, um, yeah, that's

355
00:21:32.600 --> 00:21:33.360
How old are you?

356
00:21:34.560 --> 00:21:36.400
I'm turning 40 in July.

357
00:21:36.760 --> 00:21:48.160
You do not sound 40. Wow. Okay, you got that voice. Um, you know, it's funny because 911 Nashville has been filming like right down the street. It's like whenever

358
00:21:49.320 --> 00:22:03.160
Like the streets are closed. That damn show is thing. But the person on the phone is like always the like the level headed one so hard work that you do. God bless you. Well, I'm sorry about your loss. We're so glad that you were here.

359
00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:17.400
And so we're going to pause on our big conversation and welcome Christopher. So, Mike, can you just give us kind of like the basics that I just had Chris do so it will be this way. We're all caught up.

360
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:24.040
I'm a little west of you, Christopher. I'm in the Bay Area. I'm in San Jose. And so

361
00:22:25.760 --> 00:22:30.920
I'm a machinist or mechanical engineer machinists can whatever I'm kind of

362
00:22:31.040 --> 00:22:35.720
Yeah, I make parts out of metal design things make things build things help engineers.

363
00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:41.920
I'm turn 50 this year, which is insane because I don't feel like it. And then

364
00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:44.320
What was the other thing.

365
00:22:45.120 --> 00:22:50.000
Is that it, you're divorced. You say, Oh, yeah, I've divorced.

366
00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:52.840
Been eight years.

367
00:22:52.840 --> 00:23:02.800
Yeah, eight years since. I mean, it was official officially it's been for but logistically, it's been eight. So great. Thank you.

368
00:23:03.840 --> 00:23:10.280
I'm Dave. Are you able to chat. It's not usual that I don't see you either. Are you able to share

369
00:23:10.280 --> 00:23:23.240
Yeah, sure. Oh, there you go. Um, yeah. So my name is that David. I live in Canada. I'm 33 never married. Yeah, I'm a social worker and I'm also an entrepreneur.

370
00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:24.520
There you go.

371
00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:27.040
I'm a social worker and I'm also an entrepreneur.

372
00:23:27.760 --> 00:23:28.400
There you go.

373
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:42.760
And he wrote a lovely. He's a he's a songwriter. He wrote a lovely song for me and Brian, which is very sweet. Kenton, tell us a little bit about you in one minute or less.

374
00:23:43.720 --> 00:23:47.240
Well, I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

375
00:23:48.320 --> 00:23:50.040
Where it's extremely cold right now.

376
00:23:51.040 --> 00:24:08.600
Just fine. I've been separated divorces 2019 basically, and I drive the biggest trucks in the world up in the mines north here up north farther north of Edmonton, which is about five or six hours. So they're 400 ton trucks off road. They're fun.

377
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:12.880
Nice. Nice. Thomas Griffin.

378
00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:25.880
Hey, I don't know if you prefer going by Christopher Chris, but it's such a pleasure to meet you. I'm glad you're here. I'm Thomas Mike my cousin Jenna trueblood does this 911 dispatch in Vacaville. If you happen to know her.

379
00:24:26.680 --> 00:24:28.040
Oh, I'm down here in L.A.

380
00:24:28.520 --> 00:24:37.040
We actually live in I live in Solano County in Rio Vista. I said Sacramento area because nobody knows where I live. So I yeah I drive through back up all the time.

381
00:24:37.040 --> 00:24:53.440
Oh, wow. How about that. Yeah. Well, I'm yeah really grateful for the work you and she and others are doing. I'm 44 never married. I do conflict resolution for work and grateful to be learning every day.

382
00:24:54.520 --> 00:24:56.480
Thomas remind me where you live. I missed it.

383
00:24:56.520 --> 00:24:57.480
Oh, a lot.

384
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.060
Los Angeles.

385
00:25:01.060 --> 00:25:02.260
You're LA.

386
00:25:02.260 --> 00:25:04.240
Pretty for, oh my gosh.

387
00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:07.060
Wait, do you want kids?

388
00:25:07.060 --> 00:25:09.100
Yes, absolutely.

389
00:25:09.100 --> 00:25:12.380
Okay, would you, like, is that a deal breaker though?

390
00:25:12.380 --> 00:25:16.660
I do feel that it's very, very important to me.

391
00:25:16.660 --> 00:25:18.500
Okay, nevermind.

392
00:25:18.500 --> 00:25:20.620
There's just somebody else in our community

393
00:25:20.620 --> 00:25:25.620
that's amazeballs, but she's 49 and she's not sure if she,

394
00:25:25.700 --> 00:25:28.400
like, she's like, I'll take somebody else with kids,

395
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:29.740
but I'm not sure I wanna have kids.

396
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:31.320
Because, you know, when you're 49,

397
00:25:31.320 --> 00:25:32.960
there's like, you're looking at the other end of it.

398
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:35.000
So I get it.

399
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:35.840
Okay.

400
00:25:35.840 --> 00:25:37.080
Thanks for that thoughtfulness though.

401
00:25:37.080 --> 00:25:38.960
No, wait, 24.

402
00:25:40.280 --> 00:25:43.120
I gotta be writing this down for you guys.

403
00:25:43.120 --> 00:25:44.120
Okay, wait, wait.

404
00:25:44.120 --> 00:25:44.960
I gotta write this down.

405
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:49.160
Okay, Thomas is 44.

406
00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:50.480
And is the best.

407
00:25:51.560 --> 00:25:54.140
Dave, you are like 30.

408
00:25:55.240 --> 00:25:56.080
36.

409
00:25:56.080 --> 00:25:56.920
33.

410
00:25:56.920 --> 00:25:59.180
33, you're in Canada, I know that.

411
00:25:59.520 --> 00:26:02.040
Kenton, I know you're in Canada too.

412
00:26:02.040 --> 00:26:05.040
And you're like 62, one, four?

413
00:26:05.040 --> 00:26:06.200
66.

414
00:26:06.200 --> 00:26:07.800
All right there, buttercup.

415
00:26:07.800 --> 00:26:08.920
Mike, you're 48.

416
00:26:08.920 --> 00:26:10.960
Am I making that up?

417
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:13.920
No, it's 66 years of age,

418
00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:16.240
but getting under 67 in a couple of months.

419
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:19.080
I'm 18 for the last 32 years.

420
00:26:20.520 --> 00:26:21.640
Does that make 48?

421
00:26:21.640 --> 00:26:22.480
Is that 48?

422
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:23.480
50, 50.

423
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:24.320
Are you 50?

424
00:26:24.320 --> 00:26:25.760
When did you turn 50?

425
00:26:25.760 --> 00:26:28.740
Just a couple months ago, August, yeah.

426
00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:32.240
I didn't realize, I think I missed that, okay.

427
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:34.760
I didn't try to broadcast.

428
00:26:34.760 --> 00:26:36.120
I will, I appreciate that.

429
00:26:36.120 --> 00:26:37.120
All right, thank you.

430
00:26:37.120 --> 00:26:39.160
All right, Hunter, you are next.

431
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:40.840
Intro yourself real quick.

432
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:43.760
Okay, my name is Hunter Carl.

433
00:26:43.760 --> 00:26:48.760
I live in upstate New York in Hyde Park in the Hudson area.

434
00:26:49.280 --> 00:26:51.240
I'm a delivery driver.

435
00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:53.520
I deliver on Amazon's behalf.

436
00:26:53.520 --> 00:26:55.960
And I've also been going to last year's single

437
00:26:55.960 --> 00:26:58.320
for two and a half years.

438
00:26:58.860 --> 00:27:01.700
I just got back from the cruise and I like to do,

439
00:27:01.700 --> 00:27:05.860
I'm just working on doing jujitsu and organizing finances.

440
00:27:05.860 --> 00:27:08.220
And I'm 37 years old and I want kids.

441
00:27:10.380 --> 00:27:12.060
Awesome, how old are you?

442
00:27:12.060 --> 00:27:13.100
37.

443
00:27:13.100 --> 00:27:14.020
37.

444
00:27:14.020 --> 00:27:18.460
All right, David, or Dave, I missed your comment.

445
00:27:18.460 --> 00:27:20.420
So you deleted it.

446
00:27:20.420 --> 00:27:22.460
So I don't know why you're apologizing

447
00:27:22.460 --> 00:27:24.980
because you're allowed to say whatever you need to here.

448
00:27:24.980 --> 00:27:27.020
Like whatever is said here stays here.

449
00:27:27.020 --> 00:27:30.400
So, I don't know what you said

450
00:27:30.400 --> 00:27:32.460
and we can talk about it later,

451
00:27:32.460 --> 00:27:35.600
but y'all like you're, especially in front of me,

452
00:27:35.600 --> 00:27:38.280
like me and David, man, like we can handle anything.

453
00:27:38.280 --> 00:27:41.540
There's nothing you can't tell us that we can't handle.

454
00:27:41.540 --> 00:27:45.640
Okay, David Henshaw, give us a quick intro

455
00:27:45.640 --> 00:27:47.240
and introduce yourself to Chris.

456
00:27:50.120 --> 00:27:51.760
Hi, my name is David.

457
00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:54.380
It's nice to have you here, Chris.

458
00:27:55.120 --> 00:27:58.480
I'm 51 years old,

459
00:27:58.480 --> 00:28:00.400
been living in the Philadelphia metro area

460
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:02.400
about an hour north of that in Pennsylvania

461
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:06.760
for a good 25 years now.

462
00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:09.680
Not originally from Pennsylvania though.

463
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:13.520
I'm single, never married, still want children

464
00:28:13.520 --> 00:28:16.380
and I'm a young 51.

465
00:28:16.380 --> 00:28:17.220
So.

466
00:28:17.220 --> 00:28:18.240
There you are.

467
00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:22.200
So, and just a little side note,

468
00:28:22.260 --> 00:28:26.140
I'm really hoping things finally open up next month,

469
00:28:26.140 --> 00:28:28.540
but a good friend of mine that I went to

470
00:28:28.540 --> 00:28:30.640
was a classmate with mine in Wyoming.

471
00:28:31.780 --> 00:28:33.060
There's now in Western Nevada

472
00:28:33.060 --> 00:28:35.180
and I'm hoping to come out Western Nevada

473
00:28:35.180 --> 00:28:39.760
and South Tahoe area, hopefully sometime next month though.

474
00:28:40.620 --> 00:28:42.340
I'm searching a tour of Kelpton

475
00:28:42.340 --> 00:28:43.980
so you guys are up there, so.

476
00:28:45.020 --> 00:28:47.260
Yeah, it's a beautiful area.

477
00:28:48.620 --> 00:28:50.360
That's awesome.

478
00:28:50.360 --> 00:28:51.700
Okay, Bob, you're up.

479
00:28:52.200 --> 00:28:53.840
So welcome, Chris.

480
00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:57.200
Yeah, hi, Chris.

481
00:28:57.200 --> 00:28:58.800
So I live outside of New York City,

482
00:28:58.800 --> 00:29:00.660
I'm about 40 miles west of New York City

483
00:29:00.660 --> 00:29:02.440
in a town called Morristownagers.

484
00:29:02.440 --> 00:29:04.200
You're actually ran off of Morristown,

485
00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:05.860
it's a better known town.

486
00:29:07.080 --> 00:29:09.160
Yeah, I was married once about 20 years

487
00:29:09.160 --> 00:29:11.720
and three kids, a grandchild

488
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:14.360
and I'm probably the oldest pope here, I'm 70.

489
00:29:14.360 --> 00:29:16.600
I got talked into this and somebody

490
00:29:16.600 --> 00:29:19.360
who's on the woman's side of it was a friend of mine.

491
00:29:20.060 --> 00:29:21.900
Oh, who was, is this somebody

492
00:29:21.900 --> 00:29:23.940
that's in the program right now?

493
00:29:23.940 --> 00:29:24.760
Yeah.

494
00:29:27.420 --> 00:29:28.260
Could I say her name?

495
00:29:28.260 --> 00:29:29.100
I don't wanna.

496
00:29:29.100 --> 00:29:31.420
Well, I'm asking, wait, wait, watch, hold on.

497
00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:34.340
Wait, hold on a second.

498
00:29:36.100 --> 00:29:36.940
There we go.

499
00:29:36.940 --> 00:29:39.060
Thank you so much for sharing all of that, Bob.

500
00:29:40.980 --> 00:29:42.340
Oh, Chris, now we can see you.

501
00:29:42.340 --> 00:29:44.860
I'm gonna let, yeah, you can go ahead and go

502
00:29:44.860 --> 00:29:46.580
cause there's all just Matthew behind you.

503
00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:49.360
I don't know if Matthew can come on camera

504
00:29:49.360 --> 00:29:51.120
but go ahead and tell us, Chris, give us a,

505
00:29:51.120 --> 00:29:53.360
oh, wait, you already gave us a skinny on you.

506
00:29:53.360 --> 00:29:54.440
I already did, sorry.

507
00:29:56.080 --> 00:29:58.960
You're California and how old did you say, 40?

508
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.000
Northern California too.

509
00:30:02.000 --> 00:30:03.240
Rounding up.

510
00:30:03.240 --> 00:30:05.600
Yeah, I understand.

511
00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:07.440
All right, look, I wrote you all down.

512
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:10.400
I'm on the hunt for you guys now.

513
00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:13.120
I'm making it my mission this year.

514
00:30:13.120 --> 00:30:14.780
But you're going to be honest with me.

515
00:30:14.780 --> 00:30:16.720
I'm going to tell you who I think.

516
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:19.800
But I want you to go see their profile, go on Facebook

517
00:30:19.800 --> 00:30:21.520
or wherever and take a look.

518
00:30:21.520 --> 00:30:25.760
And if you want me to make a little introduction.

519
00:30:25.760 --> 00:30:26.920
OK.

520
00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:30.440
Matthew, are you available to introduce yourself?

521
00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:32.800
I don't know if you're like, if you can take your camera.

522
00:30:32.800 --> 00:30:33.920
Yeah, give me one minute.

523
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:35.640
I think the internet needs to switch off.

524
00:30:35.640 --> 00:30:37.440
I just walked in the door, locked my door.

525
00:30:40.080 --> 00:30:42.320
So while you're doing that, Christopher,

526
00:30:42.320 --> 00:30:45.040
do you prefer Chris or Christopher?

527
00:30:45.040 --> 00:30:46.000
I don't care.

528
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:49.280
The secret is that I always hope my significant other calls me

529
00:30:49.280 --> 00:30:51.200
Christopher because no one ever does.

530
00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:52.000
So Chris is fine.

531
00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:53.080
Well, here's what's funny.

532
00:30:53.080 --> 00:30:54.400
I love Christopher.

533
00:30:54.400 --> 00:30:57.360
I'm a big fan of full names.

534
00:30:57.360 --> 00:30:58.880
I find it way sexier.

535
00:30:58.880 --> 00:31:00.000
I don't know what it is.

536
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:03.120
My nephew's Nathaniel, not that my nephew's sexy.

537
00:31:03.120 --> 00:31:06.600
But it's funny because his family, we all

538
00:31:06.600 --> 00:31:08.040
call him Nathaniel.

539
00:31:08.040 --> 00:31:09.760
But then, of course, his friends,

540
00:31:09.760 --> 00:31:12.880
they're like Nathan, Nate.

541
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:14.760
The name gets shorter and shorter,

542
00:31:14.760 --> 00:31:18.280
especially on the basketball court.

543
00:31:18.280 --> 00:31:22.200
But I think there's something beautiful about full names.

544
00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:27.360
And I like calling Brian Bae, but I also

545
00:31:27.360 --> 00:31:28.560
like calling him Brian.

546
00:31:28.560 --> 00:31:30.120
I like calling his full name.

547
00:31:30.120 --> 00:31:32.320
There's just something about someone's full name.

548
00:31:32.320 --> 00:31:34.840
So I think that's wonderful.

549
00:31:34.840 --> 00:31:38.360
OK, you just finished chapter 1.

550
00:31:38.360 --> 00:31:41.240
So all of these men are experts.

551
00:31:41.240 --> 00:31:46.280
So is there anything that popped up for you from that week

552
00:31:46.280 --> 00:31:49.280
or the topic that you're like, hmm,

553
00:31:49.280 --> 00:31:51.600
I need to unpack that a little bit more.

554
00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:54.360
I can give you feedback on it, or any of the guys

555
00:31:54.360 --> 00:31:56.720
here can give you feedback on it.

556
00:31:56.720 --> 00:31:59.600
Did anything jump out at you?

557
00:31:59.600 --> 00:32:04.120
I'll admit that the whole thing, I didn't know what to expect.

558
00:32:04.120 --> 00:32:07.800
So when we jumped into some hard work, I was like, oh,

559
00:32:07.800 --> 00:32:12.600
this is a thing that I just was not prepared.

560
00:32:12.600 --> 00:32:14.280
I'm happy with it.

561
00:32:14.280 --> 00:32:15.720
Going through just the first part,

562
00:32:15.720 --> 00:32:17.640
I can see what's going on here.

563
00:32:17.640 --> 00:32:23.080
And I've already had some very good and tough journal moments

564
00:32:23.080 --> 00:32:24.640
where I'm just writing things down.

565
00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:26.600
I think the main thing, it's like signing

566
00:32:26.600 --> 00:32:29.840
that permission slip that came up,

567
00:32:29.840 --> 00:32:38.160
is I think I have some very, very latent resentment of how

568
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:39.680
God has worked out my life.

569
00:32:39.680 --> 00:32:42.440
Because I think who I am today, nine years

570
00:32:42.440 --> 00:32:45.360
after the worst thing that ever happened to me,

571
00:32:45.360 --> 00:32:46.520
I think I'm a better man.

572
00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:49.880
I certainly have a close relationship with God.

573
00:32:49.880 --> 00:32:50.800
I serve more.

574
00:32:50.800 --> 00:32:53.320
I'm more enthusiastic about my walk with God

575
00:32:53.320 --> 00:32:55.520
than I ever have been.

576
00:32:55.520 --> 00:32:58.000
I often say, I wouldn't choose it,

577
00:32:58.000 --> 00:33:00.560
but I wouldn't change it now that I'm here.

578
00:33:00.560 --> 00:33:03.320
But I think I still have that resentment

579
00:33:03.320 --> 00:33:06.920
that I've been trying to get rid of and trying to push off.

580
00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:11.640
And I guess that got a little bit revealed in that moment.

581
00:33:11.640 --> 00:33:13.040
Y'all, that's so good.

582
00:33:13.040 --> 00:33:14.640
Thank you for sharing that, Chris.

583
00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:19.680
I feel like we all could probably resonate with that.

584
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:25.080
There were definitely some instances in my life, for sure.

585
00:33:27.640 --> 00:33:30.840
I had a lot of eye surgeries as a kid,

586
00:33:30.840 --> 00:33:33.760
and I still don't use my right eye.

587
00:33:33.760 --> 00:33:39.680
And I remember just thinking, why can't I get healed from this?

588
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:42.120
In the same way, I am a different person

589
00:33:42.120 --> 00:33:44.240
because I spent so many years in the hospital.

590
00:33:44.840 --> 00:33:47.600
And I see the world through a different set of eyes

591
00:33:47.600 --> 00:33:50.120
and spiritual eyes because of it.

592
00:33:50.120 --> 00:33:53.120
And it is part of who I am, but it also

593
00:33:53.120 --> 00:33:55.320
was so hard and so costly.

594
00:33:55.320 --> 00:33:58.760
And I've always been like, er.

595
00:33:58.760 --> 00:34:02.600
And it's interesting because Brian has recently

596
00:34:02.600 --> 00:34:06.920
said to me, Renee, the Lord, I waited my whole life for you.

597
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:10.159
And I've had so many hiccups in a relationship

598
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:13.159
that if the Lord took you home really quickly,

599
00:34:13.159 --> 00:34:15.840
I don't know how I could get past that with God.

600
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:19.520
And so I think that's a real thing.

601
00:34:19.520 --> 00:34:22.320
Is there anybody else that wants to speak into that,

602
00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:24.480
that can kind of relate to that?

603
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:26.400
Yeah, Chris, I can.

604
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:27.520
Yeah, go ahead.

605
00:34:27.520 --> 00:34:29.199
Chris, I'm a retired police officer,

606
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:32.639
so I understand a lot of the high stress that you're in,

607
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:37.320
especially a 9-11 operator, that for a bit.

608
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:40.159
There's a lot going on to unpack on this one

609
00:34:40.360 --> 00:34:43.199
because I'm 66, and I'm still dealing

610
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:45.440
with a lot of the different things in my life,

611
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:47.560
disappointments from God and whatnot.

612
00:34:47.560 --> 00:34:51.320
But it really comes down to it.

613
00:34:51.320 --> 00:34:54.760
We're humans, and he knows we're humans.

614
00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:57.680
He's not disappointed in you because his love never changes.

615
00:34:57.680 --> 00:34:59.560
It never changes.

616
00:34:59.560 --> 00:35:02.560
And he's not disappointed in you because you're human.

617
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.880
can never disappoint them. How do you disappoint a guy that already knows everything about you

618
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:10.480
before you even know about it? It's a little hard to. But when it comes down to those sort of things,

619
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:18.000
sometimes it's just what makes you a stronger character in the end.

620
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:24.240
Asking the right question, asking the hard questions. You may get answers, you may not.

621
00:35:24.240 --> 00:35:28.240
Like we know in the police force, we don't always get answers for every case that we try to solve.

622
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:36.080
Drives us crazy sometimes. But with God, it's a point of honing us. Can we really reach into him,

623
00:35:36.080 --> 00:35:40.480
hold on to him when we don't know what's going on around us? I'd love to unpack with this

624
00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:45.200
at a later time when we can speak more, but I'm going to let the other guys talk now.

625
00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:52.560
I appreciate that. I don't think I could do this job had I not gone through what I'd gone through.

626
00:35:52.640 --> 00:35:58.320
I mean, the cancer fight makes you strong in a way that's very unique.

627
00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:01.520
And had I not gone through that, I don't think I could do this job that I do now.

628
00:36:05.600 --> 00:36:11.840
So good. Go ahead, Mike. Yeah. I understand the cancer battle.

629
00:36:13.120 --> 00:36:19.120
I mean, my ex survived Cuyda, right? She was not the same person that she was before,

630
00:36:19.200 --> 00:36:27.760
right? And then she filed for divorce. But I've been through a lot. And loving on somebody who's

631
00:36:29.200 --> 00:36:33.840
going through cancer has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And it does

632
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:43.360
change you. And it feels so dumb to be like, Lord, God, I forgive you. But even this last,

633
00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:46.560
like a couple of days ago, I'm like, I forgive you for my life not showing up like I thought

634
00:36:46.560 --> 00:36:52.560
it was going to. I forgive you for, you know, letting her live and destroy my life.

635
00:36:53.920 --> 00:37:03.440
Right? And I can't speak to this. I think it's harder for the caretaker than it is for the

636
00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:09.280
person going through it. Because it's, you know, and doing chemo and all this stuff. And

637
00:37:09.920 --> 00:37:18.000
I'm really sorry for your loss. Right? And but like, characters for just, it's forged.

638
00:37:18.720 --> 00:37:23.440
I thought I was pretty freaking strong. Like, but like, I wish I was. I mean, I was immensely

639
00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:29.760
strong, but nothing compared to after that. Right? So, you know, he is, he uses all things,

640
00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:34.960
and he has a redemption plan for everything. You know, and I look back and like you said, I,

641
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:40.880
I wouldn't change things. Right? I'm not really a huge fan of a lot of the things.

642
00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:47.520
But at the same time, like, I really like who I am today. And I had to forgive myself for stuff. I

643
00:37:47.520 --> 00:37:53.200
mean, like, you know, the hardest person I've ever had to forgive is me. Right? Like, I mean,

644
00:37:53.200 --> 00:37:56.720
you know, we did a sozo session. And they're like, we're talking about your grandfather,

645
00:37:56.720 --> 00:37:59.920
we're talking about your ex. You're like, like, we're good. We're good. They're like,

646
00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:05.040
what about yourself? And I'm like, Ooh, wait a second. You know, and that ended up being a

647
00:38:05.040 --> 00:38:12.800
stronghold. So, you know, I just, I guess I feel like, to give yourself permission to question and

648
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:17.680
to forgive God and to forgive yourself and like, just the freedom to do that. Some people feel

649
00:38:17.680 --> 00:38:22.320
like God's so big that they can't, why would he, you know, like, you need to ask him to forgive

650
00:38:22.320 --> 00:38:28.080
you. I've actually had to ask the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I had to forgive all of them.

651
00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:32.480
So just, I don't know if that's helpful at this to give you the freedom to actually do that.

652
00:38:34.080 --> 00:38:35.520
No, I appreciate that. Thank you.

653
00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:41.280
Dave, and then Thomas, you guys can just go.

654
00:38:42.160 --> 00:38:48.160
Yeah. So, Christopher, it's so encouraging seeing you here. And I think you're going to do well. And

655
00:38:48.160 --> 00:38:51.760
I think the minute you go on camera and joint community, every girl's going to go crazy.

656
00:38:53.040 --> 00:38:57.280
But I just I just know it. I know that they're going to see you and they're going to go nuts.

657
00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:01.520
But I wanted to give you a little bit of encouragement. And I'm just going to tell you

658
00:39:01.520 --> 00:39:07.440
a quick testimony that happened to me this week is that I was really struggling last week. And I was,

659
00:39:08.240 --> 00:39:12.880
yeah, my POAs and family kind of gave me, put me in a situation where I have to make

660
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:20.560
a tough decision for myself. And I was like, Lord, what do I do? And I asked God and I said,

661
00:39:20.560 --> 00:39:24.800
God, can you just give me a dream? I would love a dream that would explain what to do.

662
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:30.160
And I had a really weird dream and it made no sense. And I had the dream four times and I said,

663
00:39:30.160 --> 00:39:37.840
that makes no sense. And it was a snowstorm. And I went to my mailbox and I pulled out and

664
00:39:37.840 --> 00:39:44.000
Gail, the lady who was mentioned earlier, Gail, drew me some pictures and sent it from New Jersey

665
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:49.360
and it came in my mailbox. And it was the exact dream that I had had. It was the vision. Gail

666
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:53.520
had drawn it out. I didn't tell her she didn't know. And it was just confirmation of that.

667
00:39:53.520 --> 00:39:56.640
So I just want to encourage you that this will be a really cool journey,

668
00:39:56.640 --> 00:39:59.840
especially with that permission slip and God may be doing things that

669
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.960
you never would have thought happen

670
00:40:03.280 --> 00:40:05.240
because you've now given him permission to.

671
00:40:05.240 --> 00:40:08.520
So it's kind of been a cool journey

672
00:40:08.520 --> 00:40:09.800
for me to experience those things

673
00:40:09.800 --> 00:40:11.800
and I'm excited to see what God will do.

674
00:40:22.240 --> 00:40:24.080
Really appreciate you sharing, Chris.

675
00:40:25.240 --> 00:40:26.840
And just to jump in real quick,

676
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:28.440
I am at work right now.

677
00:40:28.520 --> 00:40:31.400
So if I randomly mute and can't respond,

678
00:40:31.400 --> 00:40:32.960
I am gonna try to stay on the call,

679
00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:34.760
but just I'm not being rude

680
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:37.240
and I really appreciate you guys.

681
00:40:37.240 --> 00:40:38.640
Yeah, okay, great, yeah.

682
00:40:38.640 --> 00:40:39.920
Thank you for sharing that.

683
00:40:39.920 --> 00:40:41.160
I was just going to say,

684
00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:44.120
seems like you were sharing

685
00:40:44.120 --> 00:40:45.720
kind of an emotion that was happening

686
00:40:45.720 --> 00:40:50.160
and really, really respect and appreciate that.

687
00:40:50.160 --> 00:40:53.520
And as much as I might have opinions about it,

688
00:40:53.520 --> 00:40:55.880
I'm not sure if my opinions are gonna be as helpful

689
00:40:55.880 --> 00:41:00.280
as just saying, care about you and your experience.

690
00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:04.480
And if there's anything that I or we can do

691
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:08.840
to be supportive of you as you're experiencing that,

692
00:41:08.840 --> 00:41:11.560
I hope you'll feel free to let us know.

693
00:41:11.560 --> 00:41:12.400
I appreciate that.

694
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:14.240
Jumping in here like randomly

695
00:41:14.240 --> 00:41:16.320
and you guys were super patient with me

696
00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:17.440
and I appreciate that.

697
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:20.720
No, I'm so glad.

698
00:41:20.720 --> 00:41:22.520
And Chris, I'm just gonna encourage you

699
00:41:22.520 --> 00:41:24.520
and Mike, I'd love to,

700
00:41:24.520 --> 00:41:26.120
and I'm gonna send a message to David.

701
00:41:26.120 --> 00:41:29.000
And I think this would be really helpful for you guys

702
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:30.200
because I feel like some of you guys

703
00:41:30.200 --> 00:41:32.200
have been in the program a long time.

704
00:41:32.200 --> 00:41:33.200
And so it's been a while

705
00:41:33.200 --> 00:41:36.760
since you've tapped into the heartwork conversation.

706
00:41:36.760 --> 00:41:39.520
Like I think you guys kind of free for a little bit.

707
00:41:39.520 --> 00:41:43.000
And so Chris, each week as you hit a topic,

708
00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:47.440
feel free to say, okay, this week it was about forgiveness.

709
00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:50.880
Cause I just, and I'm only reacquainted with the heartwork

710
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:53.960
because I had to teach it for three weeks

711
00:41:53.960 --> 00:41:56.560
for the ladies while Bethany was out.

712
00:41:56.560 --> 00:42:01.560
And there is gonna be a topic of confession and repentance.

713
00:42:02.160 --> 00:42:04.320
There's gonna be forgiveness.

714
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:07.400
And then there's gonna be revealing for healing

715
00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:08.960
and then the cycle of that.

716
00:42:08.960 --> 00:42:12.400
So I actually think you're gonna get to a section

717
00:42:12.400 --> 00:42:15.880
in the heartwork that's gonna deal with that topic

718
00:42:15.880 --> 00:42:18.480
even more for yourself.

719
00:42:18.480 --> 00:42:21.640
And so I would encourage you at the top of the hour

720
00:42:21.640 --> 00:42:25.440
with David Dorman, when he's mostly leading with Mike

721
00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:28.240
that you just say like, hey, today was week,

722
00:42:28.240 --> 00:42:31.280
I just finished week two and this was the topic.

723
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:32.920
Can we punch this around a little bit?

724
00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:36.600
Because I actually think it'll help the guys

725
00:42:36.600 --> 00:42:41.060
to focus in with you because also when you do the heartwork

726
00:42:41.060 --> 00:42:43.460
it lands a certain way in the moment.

727
00:42:43.460 --> 00:42:45.480
But then when you bring that topic back up

728
00:42:45.480 --> 00:42:47.240
six months later, a year later,

729
00:42:47.240 --> 00:42:49.080
it's gonna land differently.

730
00:42:49.080 --> 00:42:52.520
So I know just teaching heartwork a month ago

731
00:42:52.520 --> 00:42:55.760
landed differently for me than it did five years ago

732
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:57.220
when I first took it.

733
00:42:58.240 --> 00:43:01.480
And I'll say this, like when I got to the forgiveness week

734
00:43:01.480 --> 00:43:05.380
I actually pulled up all my old forgiveness pages,

735
00:43:05.380 --> 00:43:07.900
all the people that I had to forgive.

736
00:43:07.900 --> 00:43:09.760
And you guys, cause I kept everything

737
00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:12.500
from when I did the program, literally five years ago,

738
00:43:12.500 --> 00:43:14.400
I kept all my printouts, all my notes,

739
00:43:14.400 --> 00:43:16.120
all the people I had to forgive.

740
00:43:16.120 --> 00:43:18.600
I found my permission slip.

741
00:43:18.600 --> 00:43:22.200
And I'm so grateful that so many of those people

742
00:43:22.200 --> 00:43:24.760
that I had to forgive in the moment,

743
00:43:24.760 --> 00:43:28.000
including myself and including God.

744
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:30.220
So Christopher, I had God on the list.

745
00:43:30.220 --> 00:43:32.440
I had to forgive God.

746
00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:33.980
Actually, I didn't even think about it.

747
00:43:33.980 --> 00:43:35.800
This is how much God's healed me from it.

748
00:43:35.800 --> 00:43:38.040
But until everybody else started sharing,

749
00:43:38.040 --> 00:43:42.000
I had to forgive God for allowing my sexual assault

750
00:43:42.000 --> 00:43:43.080
had to happen.

751
00:43:43.080 --> 00:43:45.600
I actually was more sad and mad at God

752
00:43:45.600 --> 00:43:47.300
than I was the guy who did it

753
00:43:47.300 --> 00:43:49.280
because I felt like God let me down

754
00:43:49.280 --> 00:43:50.720
and he didn't protect me.

755
00:43:50.720 --> 00:43:53.840
And so the beautiful thing is I can tell you

756
00:43:53.840 --> 00:43:56.600
five years later, I had so much peace

757
00:43:56.600 --> 00:43:59.160
about everybody that was on that list

758
00:43:59.160 --> 00:44:01.660
and anybody that I don't, whether it's myself again

759
00:44:01.660 --> 00:44:03.920
or it comes back up, then I kind of walk through

760
00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:05.440
the process all over again.

761
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:07.240
So I'm gonna encourage you

762
00:44:07.240 --> 00:44:09.360
and I'm gonna send a note to David

763
00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:13.680
that he lets you bring in a question from that week.

764
00:44:13.680 --> 00:44:14.760
I think it'll be good for you

765
00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:16.480
and I think it'll be good for the rest of the guys

766
00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:17.560
since you guys all agree.

767
00:44:17.560 --> 00:44:19.440
Like, I think I saw y'all nod, yeah.

768
00:44:19.440 --> 00:44:20.840
Like, I think it'll be good.

769
00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:22.680
I mean, like what I was supposed to talk about

770
00:44:22.680 --> 00:44:24.420
didn't matter, although irony,

771
00:44:25.800 --> 00:44:27.480
one of the things I wanted to talk about

772
00:44:27.480 --> 00:44:29.720
is called our pool of pain.

773
00:44:29.720 --> 00:44:34.720
And we all come with a pool of pain

774
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:37.120
into a story, into a relationship.

775
00:44:37.160 --> 00:44:40.560
Like we're all old enough that we all have a pool of pain.

776
00:44:40.560 --> 00:44:43.360
Like whether something happened to us,

777
00:44:43.360 --> 00:44:44.920
something was missing,

778
00:44:45.840 --> 00:44:47.680
whether it was intentional or unintentional,

779
00:44:47.680 --> 00:44:50.320
we all kind of come back with our pool of pain.

780
00:44:50.320 --> 00:44:52.240
And as we do relationships today,

781
00:44:52.240 --> 00:44:54.480
the reason why the heart healing is so important.

782
00:44:54.480 --> 00:44:56.000
Don't argue with this creature.

783
00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:56.840
You want to get into it,

784
00:44:56.840 --> 00:44:58.720
argue with him about this whole matter of stewardship.

785
00:44:58.720 --> 00:45:00.720
I'm gonna interview him.

786
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:09.140
There we go. Okay. So, this is a phrase I wrote down when I did some training on A Pool

787
00:45:09.140 --> 00:45:18.780
of Pain. It says, good emotional health is when you deal with today's feelings as only

788
00:45:18.780 --> 00:45:25.160
today's feelings and you do it today. Does anyone want to hear that again? Emotional

789
00:45:25.160 --> 00:45:30.640
health is when you deal with today's feelings with only today's feelings and you do it

790
00:45:30.640 --> 00:45:36.760
today. Otherwise, you sit in your pool of pain. And so, it is so important for us to

791
00:45:36.760 --> 00:45:42.160
do our heart work, for us to go back to that pool of pain and anything that we've not worked

792
00:45:42.160 --> 00:45:49.200
on before and we work on forgiveness, repentance, confession, healing, whatever happened in

793
00:45:49.200 --> 00:45:56.360
our past with a pool of pain, we do our work so that when we're in current relationships,

794
00:45:56.360 --> 00:46:01.520
whether it's coworkers, friendships, or somebody that we're dating, when someone's coming at

795
00:46:01.520 --> 00:46:07.720
us with an issue, we have to make sure that the energy we're bringing to the conversation

796
00:46:07.720 --> 00:46:13.080
or the issue that it's in front of us is with today's issue. And sometimes I always say

797
00:46:13.080 --> 00:46:21.680
like, wow, you're giving me a level 10 response for a level five situation. And if that is

798
00:46:21.680 --> 00:46:25.920
ever happening or when I'm doing it, like if Brian says, Renee, wow, you're coming at

799
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:31.800
me with a level 10 emotion bank. And I think what I just said to you is more like a level

800
00:46:31.800 --> 00:46:37.880
four. So, what's there? And so, usually if my energy, what I'm coming in at, isn't matching

801
00:46:37.880 --> 00:46:44.160
today's moment, probably somewhere from my pool of pain, it's triggered it and I'm heaping

802
00:46:44.160 --> 00:46:50.400
all that past stuff back into that present situation. And I'm asking him to carry a weight

803
00:46:50.400 --> 00:46:54.960
of that emotion he really wasn't meant to carry. So, it's really important in those

804
00:46:54.960 --> 00:47:02.080
moments I separate the two like, okay, this is what was said or done. I need to deal with

805
00:47:02.080 --> 00:47:07.400
that moment today, today's emotions, and I need to fix it today. Like I need to work

806
00:47:07.400 --> 00:47:11.880
on it today. And then I might need to go meet with the Lord, meet with my therapist

807
00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:18.320
or my prayer partner and go back and refocus and put some energy or come to a place like

808
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:23.240
this where it's safe to go back and unpack that pool of pain a little bit that just got

809
00:47:23.240 --> 00:47:29.960
triggered. Does that make sense, you guys? Any thoughts on that? Because I feel like

810
00:47:29.960 --> 00:47:35.960
I wanted to talk about pool of pain and Christopher just brought up something that's like a deep

811
00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:40.080
wound. And Mike, I mean, like right when you started talking about your story, I could

812
00:47:40.080 --> 00:47:46.400
feel your pain in that moment of what it was like walking with your ex-wife. So, I could

813
00:47:46.400 --> 00:47:53.400
feel that pool. And so, it's honoring the pool behind us, but it's not bringing it forward

814
00:47:53.400 --> 00:47:57.240
into our current relationships and expecting them to unpack it.

815
00:47:57.240 --> 00:48:02.600
Well, okay. So, like I think the pool of pain, whatever, if you're not current with it, then

816
00:48:02.600 --> 00:48:07.240
you're actually reacting versus responding, right? Like, you know, so, you know, like

817
00:48:07.240 --> 00:48:12.880
I try forgiveness. I try to have like a zero bank, like none. I mean, right, you know,

818
00:48:12.880 --> 00:48:19.400
and like, and I know when I'm like this, like this week, I've gotten hit really hard. I

819
00:48:19.400 --> 00:48:25.560
got guns, one of my good friends, stage four cancer, and like, not good, like, and just

820
00:48:25.560 --> 00:48:31.600
all this stuff. And I can feel if you guys start feeling overwhelmed. A lot of times

821
00:48:31.600 --> 00:48:35.880
it's because I haven't had a chance. I mean, I got hit by a truck yesterday, right? You

822
00:48:35.880 --> 00:48:41.080
know, and found out somebody I love dearly isn't gonna be around much longer. And like,

823
00:48:41.080 --> 00:48:45.800
and so, but I haven't got to process through that and weep it out. So, now I'm a little

824
00:48:45.800 --> 00:48:51.120
edgy, right? And it has, like, if Renee said something that set me off, well, it has nothing

825
00:48:51.120 --> 00:48:56.120
to do with what Renee did. Well, or it could, but like, it's very, so it's really important

826
00:48:56.120 --> 00:49:01.600
to be current. I try to stay current for you guys, forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness,

827
00:49:01.600 --> 00:49:06.400
forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. I mean, not just saying forgiving, but like, Lord

828
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:11.280
Jesus bless them. I just asked that, you know, and you know, and like, so you don't just

829
00:49:11.280 --> 00:49:15.200
say I forgive them, but you like, Lord, you bless, you forgive, and then you bless. That

830
00:49:15.200 --> 00:49:19.440
way you can offload it. And you don't have it running in your background and your subconscious

831
00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:24.880
to come up and blow up on the person. What is it? You don't want to bleed on somebody

832
00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:29.080
who didn't cut you? Yeah, it's that same idea. But you know what, Mike, if you're in

833
00:49:29.080 --> 00:49:34.440
a healthy relationship, like you're in a healthy friendship with us. And so you can say like,

834
00:49:34.440 --> 00:49:38.080
you know what, that thing you just said that just brought up like a level 10 for me, because

835
00:49:38.080 --> 00:49:42.080
here's the information I just learned yesterday, I just learned that one of my dear friends

836
00:49:42.080 --> 00:49:46.960
has stage four cancer. And like that just brought up my pool. So here's what it does

837
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:54.080
is it allows us to separate and go, wow, he's having this big emotion, because it's, it's

838
00:49:54.080 --> 00:49:58.920
this part of the story. So we can all show empathy for you, but not feel like it's my

839
00:49:58.920 --> 00:49:59.920
fault. Do you know what I'm

840
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.480
saying. And so that's why you want to be in a relationship with somebody where you can say,

841
00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:08.000
you know what? Like if Brian says that to me, I want to be able to say,

842
00:50:09.200 --> 00:50:14.640
you know, what just hit me today? This, like, this is, this is my pool of pain. Like that's

843
00:50:14.640 --> 00:50:20.400
why it's feeling so crummy. So Brian didn't have to take responsibility for it, but he can empathize

844
00:50:21.280 --> 00:50:28.320
with me in that pool. So he would only apologize for the part that's his for today. And then he

845
00:50:28.320 --> 00:50:33.760
could just empathize for the part that it's pulling up from the past. And it allows you

846
00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:41.120
to hold space for both without feeling responsible for both. Any other thoughts that are triggering

847
00:50:41.120 --> 00:50:46.080
up? I love the direction. See, Chris, we're so glad you're here. Any other thoughts that

848
00:50:46.720 --> 00:50:51.360
people have that they want to piggyback off of this? Kenton, I don't know where you are,

849
00:50:51.360 --> 00:50:55.760
because I said, I know you said you had more to say about this. So I want you to feel like

850
00:50:55.760 --> 00:51:00.160
you've got space to unpack a little bit more. Hunter, what do you want to say?

851
00:51:00.800 --> 00:51:05.760
So basically, we're talking about looking at past trauma, get to the root of the problem,

852
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:09.280
and then forgive ourselves and see what was causing the trauma, right?

853
00:51:10.080 --> 00:51:13.680
Well, it's forgiving whoever, it could be us, it could be forgiving

854
00:51:14.640 --> 00:51:21.920
God, it could be forgiving the person that did it to us. It's just, it's kind of honoring it,

855
00:51:21.920 --> 00:51:30.320
it's holding space for it, realizing that your sadness today may not be because of what happened

856
00:51:30.320 --> 00:51:36.240
today. It could be partly because of what happened today, but it's also reminding you of what

857
00:51:36.240 --> 00:51:43.200
happened back here. So it's just recognizing the two, because all you know is how you feel today.

858
00:51:43.200 --> 00:51:50.000
Like, oh my gosh, I'm feeling sad at a level 10. But did something sad at a level 10 happen today?

859
00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:50.500
No.

860
00:51:50.960 --> 00:51:57.520
No. And so then if it's not, then you go like, okay, what's in my back that's also coming up

861
00:51:57.520 --> 00:52:03.360
on me? And so it's not even like necessarily forgiving, but I call it holding space for it.

862
00:52:04.160 --> 00:52:05.120
Oh, yeah.

863
00:52:05.120 --> 00:52:10.720
Sometimes if you don't have to forgive, like for Chris, he lost his wife. It may or may have

864
00:52:10.720 --> 00:52:16.080
nothing, it may have something to do with forgiving God, but it also means he lost his wife. And

865
00:52:16.080 --> 00:52:22.080
that's just sad. And that causes pain. And so it's just saying that pain was real.

866
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:29.920
Yeah. Like the fact that I got, like in middle school, it was tough and basically kids picked

867
00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:35.360
on me and the principal didn't do anything. And then I took management in my own hands and

868
00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:40.800
it worked well. Even though when I didn't misbehave, people write me off as the teacher or

869
00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:47.360
the aide, try to write me off as insubordinate. And all because if you can't defend yourself in

870
00:52:47.360 --> 00:52:52.960
my assistant principal's office, they'll write you off as that. And basically couldn't defend

871
00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:58.400
yourself. So basically, I even called my old assistant principal to forgive him rather than

872
00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:04.480
create some hurting vendetta to finish the job, which revenge won't fix it. Figure forgiveness

873
00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:10.880
will be a better thing than a vendetta. Then Satan tempting you with some violent vendetta

874
00:53:10.880 --> 00:53:15.280
you want to carry out, which is not smart. And then also we got to think about in those

875
00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:20.800
vendettas from the 10 years ago, especially when it was a recent decade, the last decade,

876
00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:24.080
I just think about, you know, why don't we establish boundaries about it?

877
00:53:24.080 --> 00:53:29.200
Look at how much that could have been avoided if I had this modern healing behavior. I could

878
00:53:29.200 --> 00:53:32.480
have boundaries. I'd be, people will be more respectful and everything.

879
00:53:34.560 --> 00:53:37.680
I love it. I love it. Thank you for sharing that. Kenton.

880
00:53:39.200 --> 00:53:43.040
Sorry, I had to step on for a little while. So I missed most of the conversation there. Sorry.

881
00:53:43.920 --> 00:53:48.080
So we were talking a little bit, well, you said you had a little bit more to say to Christopher.

882
00:53:48.080 --> 00:53:54.480
And what I was talking about, I was talking about the topic of our pool of pain. Like we all come

883
00:53:54.480 --> 00:54:01.440
into our story with behind us a pool that has some painful memories and moments. And so sometimes

884
00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:09.280
when we're feeling energy in a situation, we're coming at it with like a level 10 energy of

885
00:54:09.280 --> 00:54:14.880
sadness or anger or frustration. And it's because we're not just carrying the weight of what happened

886
00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:21.360
today, but it's tapping into our pool of pain. And so the phrase I gave everybody was emotional

887
00:54:21.440 --> 00:54:28.400
health is when you can deal with today's feelings as only today's feelings and you do it today.

888
00:54:29.120 --> 00:54:33.040
And if you're with somebody who you really care about, you might have to say like, okay,

889
00:54:33.040 --> 00:54:36.800
I need to work on this today with you because this is the thing that happened,

890
00:54:37.360 --> 00:54:42.240
but I need some grace because it's also tapping into this thing that happened back here.

891
00:54:42.800 --> 00:54:48.400
That's not theirs to work through with you, but they can hold space and grace for you in that.

892
00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:53.280
So that's kind of where we just a little bit were, but I said that that was a good segue from

893
00:54:53.280 --> 00:54:58.880
what Christopher was sharing with us. So, but you said that you had more to say, so I want to give

894
00:54:58.880 --> 00:54:59.920
you everybody else's.

895
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.920
kind of jumped in. So if you had more on this topic, whether on what I just said or Christopher's story,

896
00:55:05.920 --> 00:55:12.640
I wanted you to feel like you could come back in. If I can just reiterate again with you, Chris,

897
00:55:12.640 --> 00:55:19.200
it was that you were saying you were disappointed with God. Was that the key thing here?

898
00:55:20.240 --> 00:55:26.880
I mean, it was kind of a little bit of resentment to God for the way he has allowed my life to

899
00:55:26.880 --> 00:55:35.440
proceed. Gotcha. No, I totally get it. Christopher, as I said, I'm 66. I was raised for 36 years.

900
00:55:36.080 --> 00:55:42.480
I'm living a job's life right now. I've lost absolutely everything. I don't own anything

901
00:55:42.480 --> 00:55:50.000
anymore. So I understand the resentment issue that comes up because it's a real feeling when

902
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:56.160
you lose absolutely something that which you love the very most and you put your life into. But this

903
00:55:56.160 --> 00:56:04.720
is what the Lord told me is that I had made my wife and my job and several other things an idol

904
00:56:04.720 --> 00:56:13.120
in my life. Now, we don't want to hear that because, you know, we want to we want to have a real

905
00:56:13.120 --> 00:56:16.800
relationship with our wives and everything else. But it came to the place for me personally.

906
00:56:17.840 --> 00:56:23.680
I started to wanted to please her more to do things to keep her in the relationship more.

907
00:56:24.480 --> 00:56:31.280
And I was creating an idol, spending more time with her than I was with with God himself,

908
00:56:31.280 --> 00:56:36.160
because God is after our hearts, of course. Now, I'm not saying this is your circumstances by no

909
00:56:36.160 --> 00:56:45.120
man's, but it was mine. And it caused resentment within me because for 30. I would say about 30,

910
00:56:45.120 --> 00:56:51.280
32 of those 36 years I lived with a wife that was emotionally unavailable.

911
00:56:52.240 --> 00:56:58.640
And of course, that didn't help anybody by no means, because when you live with without emotions,

912
00:56:58.640 --> 00:57:03.040
you with somebody and you're very emotional person, it's like it's very, very, very dry.

913
00:57:03.040 --> 00:57:10.480
You're starving and you're hungry. And so I was always saying, God, why am I with this woman?

914
00:57:11.520 --> 00:57:15.920
In so many words, she's killing me. And she was she was slowly killing me in the relationship.

915
00:57:16.880 --> 00:57:22.480
And so I became resentful over that. And he just he kept on reminding me that

916
00:57:24.080 --> 00:57:31.920
we're humans. We allowed to have these these these emotions. But it's it's what we do with

917
00:57:31.920 --> 00:57:38.960
the emotions. Do we hand them over to him or do we keep them and sort of play with them and give

918
00:57:38.960 --> 00:57:43.920
them back to him one day and then take it back? And I was doing that for a while, just Lord,

919
00:57:44.320 --> 00:57:48.000
it always would jump back into my mind until I had to learn how to control every thought

920
00:57:48.560 --> 00:57:54.160
and bring it and submit it unto Christ every time. So I'd like to hear more of your story,

921
00:57:54.160 --> 00:58:01.120
actually, eventually, and see we can't really find out what the root cause of that might be for you,

922
00:58:01.120 --> 00:58:06.560
though, because everybody's a little bit different. Well, and I think, Kenton, as he goes through the

923
00:58:06.560 --> 00:58:12.080
hard work each week, as those different chapters come up, I feel like, you know, there's a you

924
00:58:12.080 --> 00:58:16.080
know, we always say there's a revealing for healing. And Chris, what Jackie likes to talk

925
00:58:16.080 --> 00:58:22.880
about in the book and the videos a lot is she wants things to kind of unfold for you as opposed

926
00:58:22.880 --> 00:58:28.880
to us going digging. And so like sometimes we're always like, oh, my gosh, I got to get to the root

927
00:58:28.880 --> 00:58:34.800
of that. And she would always say, like, don't go force the dig in, like, let it kind of come up. So

928
00:58:35.520 --> 00:58:41.120
as you walk out the hard work, more will be revealed to you for you to unpack with this

929
00:58:41.120 --> 00:58:47.200
great group of men. David Dorman mostly does the check-ins. I think sometimes Mike,

930
00:58:48.160 --> 00:58:53.520
fabulous Mike leads the check-in and usually once a month to let me lead the check-in

931
00:58:53.520 --> 00:59:03.520
to just to give you a little female flavor. And so we're kind of all here for you and each other.

932
00:59:03.520 --> 00:59:07.920
Is there any other thoughts or questions or comments or things that happened this week?

933
00:59:07.920 --> 00:59:15.600
You guys want to unpack a praise report, a prayer request, because I don't know if you guys do that

934
00:59:15.600 --> 00:59:20.240
regularly, but like I saw, you know, Thomas really just trying to reach out and support.

935
00:59:21.120 --> 00:59:25.120
Oh, Matthew, are you on? Can you come? Can you give us an update on you? Can you introduce

936
00:59:25.120 --> 00:59:31.440
yourself? I just. Yeah. So we haven't talked in a while, so I can give you a quick update.

937
00:59:31.440 --> 00:59:39.440
Since last time we talked, everything kind of fell apart for me. I could start with I got rolled

938
00:59:39.440 --> 00:59:47.920
off my last series two years ago, and I've been juggling between six and nine jobs for the last

939
00:59:47.920 --> 00:59:56.800
couple of years. So. And it's frustrating, you know, you're working seven days a week,

940
00:59:56.800 --> 00:59:59.760
it seems you get home from one job, you got to run and do something else.

941
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:09.480
And praise God that I'm working on an animated short film, which is my area, but unfortunately,

942
01:00:09.480 --> 01:00:12.680
they don't have money to pay me, which is what they told me at the end of the interview.

943
01:00:12.680 --> 01:00:16.360
And I said, I'll still take it because it's what I want to do and it's something I have

944
01:00:16.360 --> 01:00:19.600
a passion for and something I'm good at.

945
01:00:19.600 --> 01:00:28.280
But other than that, I had a really good interview a week and a half ago, and then I thought

946
01:00:28.280 --> 01:00:31.560
everything was good and I had everything in my mind.

947
01:00:31.560 --> 01:00:32.960
God, this is it.

948
01:00:32.960 --> 01:00:33.960
You're going to release me.

949
01:00:33.960 --> 01:00:35.040
I'm going to go back.

950
01:00:35.040 --> 01:00:36.240
And then I got the letter.

951
01:00:36.240 --> 01:00:40.400
It was a hard decision, but we had to go with somebody else.

952
01:00:40.400 --> 01:00:46.900
And yeah, I was angry with God to try and figure all out when things are going to go

953
01:00:46.900 --> 01:00:48.520
back the way they were.

954
01:00:48.520 --> 01:00:50.040
So hard.

955
01:00:50.040 --> 01:00:53.880
Matthew, you're in Southern California, correct?

956
01:00:53.880 --> 01:00:54.880
Yeah.

957
01:00:54.880 --> 01:00:57.880
And how old are you?

958
01:00:58.480 --> 01:00:59.480
58.

959
01:00:59.480 --> 01:01:00.480
Oh, yeah.

960
01:01:00.480 --> 01:01:01.480
I forgot about the rest.

961
01:01:01.480 --> 01:01:09.560
So yeah, I'm divorced, 58, divorced 12 years, 13 years now, married 23.

962
01:01:09.560 --> 01:01:10.560
Yep.

963
01:01:10.560 --> 01:01:18.480
Oh, and the best positive news I could come up with is I do have a new granddaughter.

964
01:01:18.480 --> 01:01:19.480
Congratulations.

965
01:01:19.480 --> 01:01:20.480
That is awesome.

966
01:01:20.480 --> 01:01:21.480
Grandkids.

967
01:01:21.480 --> 01:01:25.080
Yeah, she'll be turning a year in April.

968
01:01:25.080 --> 01:01:26.080
That's awesome.

969
01:01:26.320 --> 01:01:28.640
That's really, really awesome.

970
01:01:28.640 --> 01:01:30.800
I have really enjoyed this.

971
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:32.720
You guys, I really am so glad.

972
01:01:32.720 --> 01:01:40.680
And I think that you guys tipping into these topics is really important because you all

973
01:01:40.680 --> 01:01:42.120
are all amazing people.

974
01:01:42.120 --> 01:01:48.080
And I know that David and Jackie are dreaming up new things for the men's program as well.

975
01:01:48.080 --> 01:01:53.160
And I know they're going to be launching and sharing ideas with us on Wednesday.

976
01:01:53.240 --> 01:01:59.000
And I've also offered my guy because he is part of my coaching duo.

977
01:01:59.000 --> 01:02:02.920
He's been a professor for years and he kind of loves, and you guys, he's been to hell

978
01:02:02.920 --> 01:02:04.080
and back too.

979
01:02:04.080 --> 01:02:11.680
So his most recent marriage from six years ago, he's been married twice and his second

980
01:02:11.680 --> 01:02:17.520
marriage literally wiped him dry of all of their savings and all their retirement money.

981
01:02:17.520 --> 01:02:22.000
And then they got him in this big hole with a timeshare and he's had to rebuild his life

982
01:02:22.000 --> 01:02:23.000
financially.

983
01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:30.280
He's done a great job, but he's learned a lot of lessons the hard way.

984
01:02:30.280 --> 01:02:34.920
And I'm grateful I'm meeting him in this season of his life where he's done a lot of heart

985
01:02:34.920 --> 01:02:35.920
work already.

986
01:02:35.920 --> 01:02:41.160
But as soon as I started dating him, I made him, well, I didn't make him, I suggested

987
01:02:41.160 --> 01:02:42.160
and he did.

988
01:02:42.160 --> 01:02:44.960
He bought on Kindle the heart work and started reading it.

989
01:02:44.960 --> 01:02:49.300
So it's been fun to kind of walk through that with him as well.

990
01:02:49.300 --> 01:02:50.900
So we all have been there.

991
01:02:50.900 --> 01:02:52.120
We all need heart work.

992
01:02:52.240 --> 01:02:53.320
We've all been hurt.

993
01:02:53.320 --> 01:02:54.320
We have all hurt people.

994
01:02:54.320 --> 01:02:59.560
I mean, like, I don't think we can escape our part in it, right?

995
01:02:59.560 --> 01:03:04.320
And so sometimes when we have to do that forgiveness, it's going to be forgiving ourselves.

996
01:03:04.320 --> 01:03:05.760
I think, Mike, I think you said that.

997
01:03:05.760 --> 01:03:06.760
I can't remember.

998
01:03:06.760 --> 01:03:08.320
I think you said that tonight.

999
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:12.520
Sometimes the hardest person that we have to forgive is ourself.

1000
01:03:12.520 --> 01:03:18.120
I also try to give grace to the person, the version of myself.

1001
01:03:18.120 --> 01:03:25.960
Like 58-year-old Renee can't judge 19-year-old Renee with 50-year-old lenses.

1002
01:03:25.960 --> 01:03:31.740
Like sometimes Renee at 19 did what she could with the information she had at 19.

1003
01:03:31.740 --> 01:03:37.280
And so I can't expect her to have made those decisions with what she knows today.

1004
01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:41.720
So that's like the biggest thing I try to say to folks is when you start to do the heart

1005
01:03:41.720 --> 01:03:46.640
work and you look back at choices you made, even if it was last year or five years ago

1006
01:03:46.640 --> 01:03:50.920
or 10 years ago, you have to give yourself some grace that sometimes you just did the

1007
01:03:50.920 --> 01:03:52.560
best that you could.

1008
01:03:52.560 --> 01:03:54.240
You made the thoughtful decision.

1009
01:03:54.240 --> 01:03:57.120
You made the prayerful decision.

1010
01:03:57.120 --> 01:04:00.560
Even if it wasn't the right decision, that's like one of the best things I learned in my

1011
01:04:00.560 --> 01:04:02.480
first seminary class.

1012
01:04:02.480 --> 01:04:04.280
You guys, I can't believe I'm graduating in May.

1013
01:04:04.280 --> 01:04:06.560
I can't believe I'm even saying that.

1014
01:04:06.560 --> 01:04:10.840
But he said that he's like, Renee, you know, we don't always get to make the right decision,

1015
01:04:10.840 --> 01:04:14.400
but we get to make the thoughtful decision.

1016
01:04:14.520 --> 01:04:20.720
So that's what hopefully heart work does is it gets you to pause long enough to be thoughtful.

1017
01:04:20.720 --> 01:04:26.400
So back to what you made the comment, Mike, you said so that we don't react, we respond.

1018
01:04:26.400 --> 01:04:32.280
And usually when there's this thing that happens and our response, the longer we pause to respond,

1019
01:04:32.280 --> 01:04:35.120
the more likely it's a response and not a reaction.

1020
01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:39.920
When we say something right away from that moment, it's usually a reaction.

1021
01:04:39.920 --> 01:04:45.760
So if we can practice pause, practice being thoughtful, then we can respond.

1022
01:04:45.760 --> 01:04:48.720
And it doesn't mean that that response is always the right one.

1023
01:04:48.720 --> 01:04:52.400
It just means it's more thoughtful and it's more intentional.

1024
01:04:52.400 --> 01:04:55.120
Any other thoughts, questions?

1025
01:04:55.120 --> 01:04:57.200
This has been a really good heartfelt night.

1026
01:04:57.200 --> 01:04:59.280
I'm really proud of all of you.

1027
01:04:59.280 --> 01:04:59.960
Is there anything...

1028
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.200
that you guys are wanting and needing in the coming year

1029
01:05:04.200 --> 01:05:06.260
that the team can know about?

1030
01:05:06.260 --> 01:05:07.520
Yes.

1031
01:05:07.520 --> 01:05:12.520
I've been here for about two and a half years or so

1032
01:05:12.880 --> 01:05:13.840
and last year single,

1033
01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:16.680
and I still haven't been on the spotlight.

1034
01:05:16.680 --> 01:05:20.120
I have spotlighted you in the questions.

1035
01:05:21.040 --> 01:05:23.080
If not, Hunter, I'm gonna make sure,

1036
01:05:23.080 --> 01:05:25.600
you know when I pull people aside to answer questions,

1037
01:05:25.600 --> 01:05:27.400
I will get you next time, okay?

1038
01:05:27.400 --> 01:05:28.240
I promise you.

1039
01:05:28.560 --> 01:05:30.280
You know when we do a single spotlight

1040
01:05:30.280 --> 01:05:33.400
and they ask questions and Jackie introduced it to us?

1041
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:35.060
I haven't done that real one.

1042
01:05:35.060 --> 01:05:38.400
Well, we're not even doing that version right now anymore,

1043
01:05:38.400 --> 01:05:40.320
so you're stuck with me

1044
01:05:40.320 --> 01:05:43.060
with all the fun questions I make y'all do.

1045
01:05:44.120 --> 01:05:47.080
So I want you to be available and camera ready

1046
01:05:47.080 --> 01:05:49.560
the next time and I will make sure I ask you questions.

1047
01:05:49.560 --> 01:05:50.700
Okay, buddy?

1048
01:05:50.700 --> 01:05:51.540
All right.

1049
01:05:51.540 --> 01:05:54.560
And hopefully, you know Christina Bynard, right?

1050
01:05:54.560 --> 01:05:55.900
Yeah.

1051
01:05:55.900 --> 01:05:56.740
All right, good.

1052
01:05:58.360 --> 01:05:59.200
And hopefully what?

1053
01:05:59.200 --> 01:06:00.840
Hopefully she's there or not there.

1054
01:06:00.840 --> 01:06:02.320
Just pray for her.

1055
01:06:02.320 --> 01:06:03.720
Figure that's all I can do.

1056
01:06:03.720 --> 01:06:07.480
I'm also the funny one too.

1057
01:06:08.720 --> 01:06:10.720
Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

1058
01:06:10.720 --> 01:06:11.640
Oh my goodness.

1059
01:06:11.640 --> 01:06:12.480
I love it.

1060
01:06:12.480 --> 01:06:14.160
You are hilarious.

1061
01:06:14.160 --> 01:06:16.720
On all Zoom calls, everybody put their age.

1062
01:06:16.720 --> 01:06:18.960
Yeah, that really does help you guys.

1063
01:06:18.960 --> 01:06:20.520
Like how Abram has it,

1064
01:06:20.520 --> 01:06:23.880
like how you want a girl to reach out to you

1065
01:06:23.880 --> 01:06:25.060
to drop a hanky.

1066
01:06:25.060 --> 01:06:27.160
So Chris, where are you Chris?

1067
01:06:27.160 --> 01:06:30.040
Okay, so Chris, once you're kind of done with the heartwork,

1068
01:06:30.040 --> 01:06:32.920
we do have some events that are co-ed

1069
01:06:32.920 --> 01:06:35.600
and Dave's not wrong.

1070
01:06:35.600 --> 01:06:37.360
You'll be the new kid on the block

1071
01:06:37.360 --> 01:06:40.440
and like all women will go gaga over you.

1072
01:06:40.440 --> 01:06:42.880
But like I do kind of around Robin now,

1073
01:06:42.880 --> 01:06:46.920
we used to do like three interviews for a spotlight

1074
01:06:46.920 --> 01:06:49.240
and it was like a pretty long introduction,

1075
01:06:49.240 --> 01:06:51.320
but a lot of you guys have been here a while

1076
01:06:51.320 --> 01:06:54.920
and so I've been trying to make it more fun and spontaneous

1077
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:56.880
and also highlight the women too,

1078
01:06:57.600 --> 01:06:59.920
because there's so many great women.

1079
01:06:59.920 --> 01:07:04.440
And so what helps is if you put your name,

1080
01:07:04.440 --> 01:07:06.760
you don't even need your last name really,

1081
01:07:06.760 --> 01:07:07.880
but you need your name.

1082
01:07:07.880 --> 01:07:10.720
What helps is if you put your age and your location

1083
01:07:10.720 --> 01:07:14.560
and you're like, however your name appears

1084
01:07:14.560 --> 01:07:16.360
either on Facebook or Instagram,

1085
01:07:16.360 --> 01:07:18.720
that's really however you want a woman

1086
01:07:18.720 --> 01:07:20.120
to slip into your DM.

1087
01:07:20.120 --> 01:07:21.120
So if it's Facebook,

1088
01:07:21.120 --> 01:07:23.560
it's probably just gonna be your full name.

1089
01:07:23.560 --> 01:07:25.280
Like Abram has IG.

1090
01:07:25.320 --> 01:07:27.520
So I know that that's his Instagram.

1091
01:07:27.520 --> 01:07:29.560
And so I've just encouraged,

1092
01:07:29.560 --> 01:07:32.360
cause even though you've not been spotlighted Hunter,

1093
01:07:32.360 --> 01:07:35.800
I've not been happy the way when we were doing spotlights,

1094
01:07:35.800 --> 01:07:38.480
I felt like it was really clunky getting people matched up.

1095
01:07:38.480 --> 01:07:39.760
So now I'm just trying to get people

1096
01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:42.120
to reach out to each other directly.

1097
01:07:42.120 --> 01:07:43.600
So you're gonna always put your name,

1098
01:07:43.600 --> 01:07:45.360
how it appears on social media.

1099
01:07:45.360 --> 01:07:47.200
So it's easier to find yourself.

1100
01:07:48.520 --> 01:07:52.760
Hunter, you would put Hunter comma 37 upstate New York.

1101
01:07:53.600 --> 01:07:56.120
So that lets people know right away.

1102
01:07:56.120 --> 01:07:57.760
Cause I kind of feel like upstate New York

1103
01:07:57.760 --> 01:07:59.360
and New York city are two different things.

1104
01:07:59.360 --> 01:08:01.360
Like Bob would obviously put New York city.

1105
01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:04.200
Cause even if he's not exactly in New York city,

1106
01:08:04.200 --> 01:08:08.680
he's giving like a roundabout location ish of where you are.

1107
01:08:08.680 --> 01:08:13.200
Like Mike might put Mike 50, Northern California.

1108
01:08:13.200 --> 01:08:15.200
He may not put Redding or San Jose.

1109
01:08:16.240 --> 01:08:19.080
Cause we don't know if you want to be stalked or anything.

1110
01:08:19.080 --> 01:08:20.600
So we want to give a little.

1111
01:08:21.600 --> 01:08:22.439
So yes.

1112
01:08:22.439 --> 01:08:23.880
We want to give a little.

1113
01:08:23.880 --> 01:08:25.600
I'm always being stalked, Renee.

1114
01:08:25.600 --> 01:08:29.160
Like, dude, it's funny cause I'm like, no, thank you.

1115
01:08:31.439 --> 01:08:33.800
So yes, another thing is,

1116
01:08:33.800 --> 01:08:37.600
so we're going to have another video chat with Christina too.

1117
01:08:37.600 --> 01:08:40.040
And then she's going to think about videos,

1118
01:08:40.040 --> 01:08:41.680
thinking if I'm a good match or not.

1119
01:08:41.680 --> 01:08:43.120
It's almost like I,

1120
01:08:43.120 --> 01:08:45.200
and I want to know about traveling

1121
01:08:45.200 --> 01:08:47.920
and I'll tell you about how it all went down.

1122
01:08:47.960 --> 01:08:49.080
Okay.

1123
01:08:49.080 --> 01:08:51.640
I look forward to hearing about it.

1124
01:08:51.640 --> 01:08:52.479
I love it.

1125
01:08:52.479 --> 01:08:53.319
Thank you.

1126
01:08:53.319 --> 01:08:55.479
Renee, Renee, before we,

1127
01:08:55.479 --> 01:08:56.840
before you sign off for tonight,

1128
01:08:56.840 --> 01:08:58.840
I need to ask you a few questions at the very end.

1129
01:08:58.840 --> 01:09:00.960
So I'll wait till the very end.

1130
01:09:00.960 --> 01:09:03.160
Well, the floor is yours.

1131
01:09:03.160 --> 01:09:07.720
So like y'all, so is it questions you want for all of us?

1132
01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:10.279
Well, no, it was just that if I can may know,

1133
01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:15.279
I've been paying for a woman that's on our program.

1134
01:09:15.279 --> 01:09:17.359
She's one of our members as well too.

1135
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:21.279
And they keep on sending me invoices, not for being paid.

1136
01:09:21.279 --> 01:09:22.560
And I've been trying to phone that number

1137
01:09:22.560 --> 01:09:25.399
that's at the invoice bottle, but nobody responds.

1138
01:09:25.399 --> 01:09:30.399
Do you want to send an email to admin at JackieDorman.com?

1139
01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:33.200
Yeah, I did.

1140
01:09:33.200 --> 01:09:34.720
And I said, I was paying for this,

1141
01:09:34.720 --> 01:09:37.520
this woman's her fees and everything else.

1142
01:09:37.520 --> 01:09:39.240
Haven't got a response to it.

1143
01:09:39.240 --> 01:09:40.080
All right.

1144
01:09:40.080 --> 01:09:41.160
I'm going to let Cheryl know,

1145
01:09:41.160 --> 01:09:43.479
cause she handles all the bookkeeping.

1146
01:09:43.479 --> 01:09:46.800
So I'll let Cheryl know that she could just continue

1147
01:09:47.240 --> 01:09:49.080
taking everything off, including the past ones

1148
01:09:49.080 --> 01:09:50.479
and put it on my credit card.

1149
01:09:50.479 --> 01:09:51.319
Yeah, yeah.

1150
01:09:51.319 --> 01:09:52.800
And she's got, they got that information.

1151
01:09:52.800 --> 01:09:56.240
As soon as I message her and I'll have her email you too.

1152
01:09:56.240 --> 01:09:59.240
As soon as we get off, I'll send a private message to her.

1153
01:09:59.240 --> 01:10:00.080
Appreciate it, thank you.

1154
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.520
Just follow up and send you an email.

1155
01:10:02.520 --> 01:10:04.240
Yeah, OK.

1156
01:10:04.240 --> 01:10:04.960
Thank you.

1157
01:10:04.960 --> 01:10:07.040
You bet. Was that it?

1158
01:10:07.040 --> 01:10:09.000
Well, I've got a situation that's arisen.

1159
01:10:09.960 --> 01:10:13.000
I've been doing a God relationship.

1160
01:10:14.160 --> 01:10:15.920
Oh, yeah. Tell me about it.

1161
01:10:17.800 --> 01:10:20.160
We've been sort of helping this woman.

1162
01:10:20.640 --> 01:10:22.240
Her name is Catherine Louise

1163
01:10:24.480 --> 01:10:26.000
Blue Blow.

1164
01:10:26.280 --> 01:10:31.360
BLEAU. She's one of our girls on on on here.

1165
01:10:33.680 --> 01:10:36.480
And we've been sort of, you know, just.

1166
01:10:37.680 --> 01:10:41.040
I've been helping her along, let's just put it that way.

1167
01:10:41.040 --> 01:10:44.160
And then we just moved into a third level.

1168
01:10:44.640 --> 01:10:46.320
And but she's got a real.

1169
01:10:46.320 --> 01:10:49.160
Are you guys dating or are you caretaking for her?

1170
01:10:49.200 --> 01:10:50.600
I'm confused.

1171
01:10:50.600 --> 01:10:54.280
I want some clarity because I don't want you to be caretaking

1172
01:10:54.280 --> 01:10:56.280
for everybody, Kenton.

1173
01:10:56.280 --> 01:10:59.160
I don't want women to be taking advantage of you.

1174
01:10:59.400 --> 01:11:02.040
Like you're paying for one check to be in the program

1175
01:11:02.040 --> 01:11:03.520
and you're caretaking another woman.

1176
01:11:03.520 --> 01:11:05.480
Am I am I catching this right?

1177
01:11:05.480 --> 01:11:07.480
No, no. Just just the one girl.

1178
01:11:07.480 --> 01:11:09.560
OK, so this is one in the same.

1179
01:11:09.560 --> 01:11:11.480
A one in the same. You got it.

1180
01:11:11.480 --> 01:11:13.120
OK, so it's one of the same.

1181
01:11:13.120 --> 01:11:15.120
You're paying for her to be in the program.

1182
01:11:15.120 --> 01:11:17.120
Are you dating?

1183
01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:21.280
Yes and no, in the sense of we are seeing each other

1184
01:11:21.280 --> 01:11:24.080
every so often, but she's not committed.

1185
01:11:24.560 --> 01:11:26.000
And the reason why she's not committed

1186
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:29.080
is because she's afraid her daughter, her daughter, three of them.

1187
01:11:30.080 --> 01:11:32.160
One doesn't like me whatsoever.

1188
01:11:32.160 --> 01:11:34.000
She's a card in herself.

1189
01:11:34.000 --> 01:11:36.360
But the other two,

1190
01:11:37.080 --> 01:11:39.920
for some odd reason, the first one is just

1191
01:11:40.720 --> 01:11:44.080
been so bad mouthing me that they think I'm a really bad person.

1192
01:11:44.600 --> 01:11:46.840
So she's afraid to talk to her girls about this.

1193
01:11:46.840 --> 01:11:49.360
So I've sent her off to counseling

1194
01:11:49.360 --> 01:11:51.480
to make sure she's got some sound counseling.

1195
01:11:52.080 --> 01:11:54.240
Well, they're they're going to be meeting this next week

1196
01:11:54.240 --> 01:11:56.360
because they're from Australia, some of them.

1197
01:11:56.360 --> 01:11:58.640
And I've asked her to chat with each and every one.

1198
01:11:58.640 --> 01:12:00.440
I'm sit down with them and talk to them, say

1199
01:12:01.880 --> 01:12:03.320
to find out what's going on,

1200
01:12:03.320 --> 01:12:07.080
because she'd like to move into a phase three,

1201
01:12:07.520 --> 01:12:09.640
but she's afraid that her girls are not going to like me.

1202
01:12:09.640 --> 01:12:13.960
And then that's if you're at phase two, then you guys have been dating.

1203
01:12:13.960 --> 01:12:16.880
You've been going out on dates.

1204
01:12:16.880 --> 01:12:19.080
Yeah, it'll be like every three or four months.

1205
01:12:20.080 --> 01:12:23.120
Yeah. How far away are you guys from each other?

1206
01:12:24.120 --> 01:12:26.040
About 20 minutes.

1207
01:12:26.040 --> 01:12:28.720
Wait, you're 20 minutes away from each other,

1208
01:12:28.720 --> 01:12:31.080
but you only date every three or four months.

1209
01:12:31.880 --> 01:12:34.080
It's one of those situations where.

1210
01:12:35.240 --> 01:12:37.800
God had to run into her life because she was so broken.

1211
01:12:38.640 --> 01:12:41.920
And I mean, that's one of the ministries I do is broken up

1212
01:12:41.920 --> 01:12:43.600
with dealing with broken hearted people.

1213
01:12:43.600 --> 01:12:45.840
I know, but you can't date those people, Kenton.

1214
01:12:45.840 --> 01:12:47.520
That's not good for you.

1215
01:12:47.520 --> 01:12:50.240
Yeah, I've broken every rule that's possible out there.

1216
01:12:50.240 --> 01:12:54.920
I know that. OK, so like you have, Brene,

1217
01:12:54.920 --> 01:12:56.880
you've broken a few of those rules.

1218
01:12:56.880 --> 01:13:01.000
I know, but like I'm that's not who I'm married to.

1219
01:13:01.000 --> 01:13:03.160
I mean, I do not care.

1220
01:13:03.160 --> 01:13:05.600
Take my husband. You do not.

1221
01:13:05.600 --> 01:13:09.000
OK, I want any of the other men to jump in if I'm being too hard.

1222
01:13:09.000 --> 01:13:11.160
And I love you, Kenton.

1223
01:13:11.160 --> 01:13:14.520
And that's why I make I'm being I'm tough loving you here,

1224
01:13:14.520 --> 01:13:17.480
because if you're going three or four months

1225
01:13:17.480 --> 01:13:21.200
in between a date with somebody who's in the program

1226
01:13:21.200 --> 01:13:25.120
doing her damn heart work and she's in, you're paying for the program.

1227
01:13:25.960 --> 01:13:27.880
And it doesn't matter.

1228
01:13:27.880 --> 01:13:30.640
Like, we're not bad mouthing her, but like.

1229
01:13:32.680 --> 01:13:34.960
How often do you talk?

1230
01:13:34.960 --> 01:13:36.800
Oh, we talk all the time.

1231
01:13:36.880 --> 01:13:40.920
I work up north, and so I'm gone for a week and back in for a week.

1232
01:13:40.920 --> 01:13:43.200
So it's like, why does her daughter not like you?

1233
01:13:44.800 --> 01:13:49.640
Oh, I paid a bill off for a long time ago, and her daughter told me about it.

1234
01:13:50.200 --> 01:13:53.920
And I need and her mother was was hounding the the person

1235
01:13:53.920 --> 01:13:56.600
that I had paid the bill off for to find out who paid it off.

1236
01:13:57.120 --> 01:13:58.760
And the person couldn't lie anymore.

1237
01:13:58.760 --> 01:14:00.080
And so I had to tell him that was me.

1238
01:14:00.080 --> 01:14:04.880
So her daughter found out that that I had to explain to her mother

1239
01:14:04.880 --> 01:14:07.640
that I paid for the bill, and she's never liked me ever since.

1240
01:14:08.440 --> 01:14:12.040
She doesn't like you because you paid off a bill that her mother had.

1241
01:14:12.600 --> 01:14:14.560
That's right, because I confronted her with her.

1242
01:14:14.560 --> 01:14:15.440
I says, you know what?

1243
01:14:15.440 --> 01:14:17.360
It's not a big deal.

1244
01:14:17.360 --> 01:14:19.880
And she says, well, you betrayed me.

1245
01:14:19.880 --> 01:14:23.520
OK. Oh, so you paid off a bill.

1246
01:14:23.720 --> 01:14:25.360
You let the daughter know.

1247
01:14:25.360 --> 01:14:27.640
And so the mother feels betrayed.

1248
01:14:28.280 --> 01:14:32.240
No, no. The daughter feels betrayed because she had let me know

1249
01:14:32.240 --> 01:14:34.560
in sort of a confidential manner.

1250
01:14:39.280 --> 01:14:40.720
I wish Mike was still on the call.

1251
01:14:40.720 --> 01:14:41.680
Where did Mike go, Abram?

1252
01:14:41.680 --> 01:14:42.360
Do you have some thoughts?

1253
01:14:42.360 --> 01:14:43.800
I feel like you're tracking with me.

1254
01:14:43.800 --> 01:14:44.960
I need you to jump in here, buddy.

1255
01:14:47.840 --> 01:14:51.000
Do you with the damn microphone?

1256
01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:52.160
I can't hear you.

1257
01:14:52.160 --> 01:14:53.320
Can you guys hear him?

1258
01:14:53.320 --> 01:14:54.880
This is what happened to my earbuds.

1259
01:14:54.880 --> 01:14:56.440
My earbuds are not tracking.

1260
01:14:58.880 --> 01:14:59.760
We can't hear him either.

1261
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.080
I can't hear you at all.

1262
01:15:04.080 --> 01:15:05.480
Kenton can't hear you at all either.

1263
01:15:05.480 --> 01:15:07.080
Can you hear me though?

1264
01:15:07.080 --> 01:15:10.580
I know this is what happened to me in my class today.

1265
01:15:10.580 --> 01:15:12.680
Like people couldn't hear me on my earbuds.

1266
01:15:12.680 --> 01:15:15.160
I swear earbuds around are going down.

1267
01:15:15.160 --> 01:15:17.040
But yours are a headset.

1268
01:15:17.040 --> 01:15:20.300
Like if you go to like audio and you click,

1269
01:15:21.520 --> 01:15:23.720
dang it, okay, you just don't have it.

1270
01:15:23.720 --> 01:15:25.160
It's so it's not the audio.

1271
01:15:25.160 --> 01:15:29.200
Like when you go to audio, there's a test speaker.

1272
01:15:29.200 --> 01:15:32.720
It's like the microphone select a speaker.

1273
01:15:32.720 --> 01:15:34.680
Are you selecting the correct speaker?

1274
01:15:34.680 --> 01:15:36.840
Where if you go, if you click on the air for audio

1275
01:15:36.840 --> 01:15:39.440
and it says select a speaker,

1276
01:15:39.440 --> 01:15:42.600
make sure your speaker is your headset.

1277
01:15:45.680 --> 01:15:47.880
He's gonna turn it off for us people.

1278
01:15:47.880 --> 01:15:49.360
Cause I'm so upset.

1279
01:15:49.360 --> 01:15:51.280
I want you to have a say.

1280
01:15:51.280 --> 01:15:53.680
So anyway, so it's.

1281
01:15:53.680 --> 01:15:56.240
Well, Kenton, I'm just worried that you're getting

1282
01:15:56.240 --> 01:15:58.520
into a caretaking situation.

1283
01:15:59.160 --> 01:16:01.660
If you guys aren't even at a level three,

1284
01:16:01.660 --> 01:16:06.440
I'm just a little concerned that she's.

1285
01:16:06.440 --> 01:16:09.200
It's gonna take longer to give the full story, Renee.

1286
01:16:09.200 --> 01:16:10.480
A lot of them.

1287
01:16:10.480 --> 01:16:13.280
All right, well, I'm gonna make a note that next week,

1288
01:16:13.280 --> 01:16:16.720
David unpacks us a little bit more with you in the group.

1289
01:16:16.720 --> 01:16:19.200
I feel like it'll be really helpful.

1290
01:16:19.200 --> 01:16:21.400
I don't think David can handle this one.

1291
01:16:24.440 --> 01:16:27.120
Then book a private, then you need to book a private.

1292
01:16:27.120 --> 01:16:30.240
If you've got the money, book a private session with me

1293
01:16:30.240 --> 01:16:31.960
and let me help you through this.

1294
01:16:31.960 --> 01:16:33.920
Or else I'm gonna go kick her butt.

1295
01:16:33.920 --> 01:16:34.760
No, seriously.

1296
01:16:34.760 --> 01:16:38.440
I just, like, I just wanna make sure,

1297
01:16:38.440 --> 01:16:42.800
like you want a healthy, healed, whole woman that doesn't,

1298
01:16:42.800 --> 01:16:46.040
especially if you have a habit of rescuing people.

1299
01:16:46.040 --> 01:16:47.800
I'll tell you what, the next time I'm with you all,

1300
01:16:47.800 --> 01:16:50.200
we're gonna talk about the Cartman triangle.

1301
01:16:50.200 --> 01:16:53.200
It's the drama triangle where we're in the relationship,

1302
01:16:53.200 --> 01:16:55.680
where we're either the rescuer, the victim.

1303
01:16:57.160 --> 01:16:58.400
What?

1304
01:16:58.400 --> 01:17:00.800
I said, oh, no, yeah, keep going.

1305
01:17:00.800 --> 01:17:02.080
Or the aggressor.

1306
01:17:02.080 --> 01:17:03.720
And the problem is, like,

1307
01:17:03.720 --> 01:17:06.840
we all can fall in that rescuer role.

1308
01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:09.120
The problem is, though, the victim,

1309
01:17:09.120 --> 01:17:10.960
here's the thing with the drama triangle,

1310
01:17:10.960 --> 01:17:13.120
the victim that we think we're caretaking,

1311
01:17:13.120 --> 01:17:15.880
we're the rescuer, something will happen

1312
01:17:15.880 --> 01:17:17.560
and they'll get a little agitated

1313
01:17:17.560 --> 01:17:20.520
and they dump us in the aggressor category.

1314
01:17:20.520 --> 01:17:23.760
So even though we've been rescuing, rescuing, rescuing,

1315
01:17:23.760 --> 01:17:25.680
we get dumped over here and all of a sudden,

1316
01:17:25.680 --> 01:17:26.520
we're the bad guy.

1317
01:17:26.760 --> 01:17:29.200
Dave, I know that's happened to you.

1318
01:17:29.200 --> 01:17:31.240
Like, I feel like you've been the nice guy, the nice guy,

1319
01:17:31.240 --> 01:17:33.960
the rescuer, and all of a sudden, right?

1320
01:17:33.960 --> 01:17:35.240
You're not wrong.

1321
01:17:35.240 --> 01:17:36.760
I'm not wrong.

1322
01:17:36.760 --> 01:17:37.600
I'm not wrong.

1323
01:17:37.600 --> 01:17:40.680
I'm gonna book a time with you when I get back from,

1324
01:17:41.840 --> 01:17:44.320
because I'm going back to work again on Wednesday morning.

1325
01:17:44.320 --> 01:17:47.040
I don't think you have time tomorrow to talk to you.

1326
01:17:47.040 --> 01:17:49.160
Yeah, but my calendar's on the thing.

1327
01:17:49.160 --> 01:17:51.040
If you go to the coaching page,

1328
01:17:51.040 --> 01:17:52.720
all my available times are on there.

1329
01:17:52.720 --> 01:17:56.240
So I'd be happy to, but if you see it open,

1330
01:17:56.960 --> 01:17:57.960
I'll make time for you, buddy, okay?

1331
01:17:57.960 --> 01:17:59.680
Oh, yeah, and ask that young lady too

1332
01:17:59.680 --> 01:18:03.920
why Catherine has not been able to get into stage three yet.

1333
01:18:03.920 --> 01:18:06.680
She's been here for over like six months or so.

1334
01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:09.000
She's not getting used.

1335
01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:12.600
She's not in the VIP yet, the VIP community?

1336
01:18:12.600 --> 01:18:13.560
No, she's not yet.

1337
01:18:14.480 --> 01:18:15.560
Okay.

1338
01:18:15.560 --> 01:18:16.960
All her work is done.

1339
01:18:16.960 --> 01:18:21.960
Okay, well, I'll make a note to Cheryl about that too.

1340
01:18:22.080 --> 01:18:23.480
Thank you, appreciate it.

1341
01:18:23.480 --> 01:18:24.640
You bet.

1342
01:18:24.640 --> 01:18:26.120
Yeah, I'll make it a point.

1343
01:18:27.000 --> 01:18:27.840
We'll talk to this one.

1344
01:18:27.840 --> 01:18:28.680
Yeah, we'll talk.

1345
01:18:28.680 --> 01:18:29.520
I got to run, gentlemen.

1346
01:18:29.520 --> 01:18:31.600
Bless you all, I'll talk to you again soon.

1347
01:18:31.600 --> 01:18:34.160
See, Chris, I'm a soft sell, can you tell?

1348
01:18:35.520 --> 01:18:36.360
Yeah.

1349
01:18:37.240 --> 01:18:41.000
I'm also a Yankee from the North and I'm a Sicilian.

1350
01:18:41.000 --> 01:18:43.800
I'm not just Italian, but I'm Sicilian.

1351
01:18:43.800 --> 01:18:45.480
So I'm a straight shooter.

1352
01:18:45.480 --> 01:18:46.920
Okay, but I'm a lot like Jackie.

1353
01:18:46.920 --> 01:18:48.040
Jackie's a straight shooter.

1354
01:18:48.040 --> 01:18:50.640
The guys will tell you, she's a straight shooter too.

1355
01:18:51.880 --> 01:18:53.200
Not sometimes when you're trying to talk,

1356
01:18:53.200 --> 01:18:57.400
trying to heal damaged people while dating them is hard.

1357
01:18:57.400 --> 01:18:58.400
Yeah, man.

1358
01:18:58.400 --> 01:18:59.680
Yeah, it is hard.

1359
01:18:59.680 --> 01:19:01.920
Like, and you guys, I'm like,

1360
01:19:01.920 --> 01:19:03.800
I ran a nonprofit for 20 years.

1361
01:19:03.800 --> 01:19:04.640
I get it.

1362
01:19:04.640 --> 01:19:06.640
Like my empathy button's this big.

1363
01:19:06.640 --> 01:19:08.960
Like I have been the caretaker.

1364
01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:11.160
So, you know, pot, kettle, block,

1365
01:19:11.160 --> 01:19:13.760
I say this from experience.

1366
01:19:13.760 --> 01:19:15.720
Is there any, it's 820.

1367
01:19:15.720 --> 01:19:18.120
We are kind of in a wrap it up kind of stage,

1368
01:19:18.120 --> 01:19:21.320
but this is what you're going to get, Chris,

1369
01:19:21.320 --> 01:19:22.480
on Monday nights.

1370
01:19:22.520 --> 01:19:24.280
It's going to be a hodgepodge of all of this,

1371
01:19:24.280 --> 01:19:27.360
but I really do want to encourage you and empower you

1372
01:19:27.360 --> 01:19:29.680
and everyone else hold you accountable to this.

1373
01:19:29.680 --> 01:19:32.120
Like, I feel like as you go through each week,

1374
01:19:32.120 --> 01:19:35.080
it's going to bring up these topics that will,

1375
01:19:35.080 --> 01:19:37.720
it will be a good conversation lead

1376
01:19:37.720 --> 01:19:39.800
for us to kind of go down those paths again

1377
01:19:39.800 --> 01:19:41.840
and stay in that mantra.

1378
01:19:41.840 --> 01:19:43.160
David, you had a question

1379
01:19:43.160 --> 01:19:46.680
and I know I want to get to that question before we hop off.

1380
01:19:46.680 --> 01:19:51.160
Yeah, so if we just could pause the recording for a second.

1381
01:19:51.160 --> 01:19:52.000
Yes.

1382
01:19:53.480 --> 01:19:57.280
Okay, folks, I accidentally hit pause,

1383
01:19:57.280 --> 01:19:59.560
but it was just for our ending closing prayer.

1384
01:19:59.560 --> 01:20:00.400
So this is.

1385
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.640
our formal goodbye.

1386
01:20:01.640 --> 01:20:04.080
What was your question, David?

1387
01:20:04.080 --> 01:20:06.240
Was that session recorded?

1388
01:20:06.240 --> 01:20:08.760
Because I got some people messaging me.

1389
01:20:08.760 --> 01:20:10.240
Yeah.

1390
01:20:10.240 --> 01:20:11.000
It was.

1391
01:20:11.000 --> 01:20:13.520
They're trying to locate it.

1392
01:20:13.520 --> 01:20:14.240
OK.

1393
01:20:14.240 --> 01:20:16.640
I think David recorded it, or Jackie recorded it

1394
01:20:16.640 --> 01:20:17.480
on their phone.

1395
01:20:17.480 --> 01:20:20.320
And they're trying to figure it out.

1396
01:20:20.320 --> 01:20:22.080
Because people messaged me to check it out.

1397
01:20:22.080 --> 01:20:23.880
But I was like, oh, I don't think it's there.

1398
01:20:23.880 --> 01:20:25.280
Yeah, I think they recorded it.

1399
01:20:25.280 --> 01:20:26.560
But I think she did it from her phone.

1400
01:20:26.560 --> 01:20:29.120
And so they're trying to track it down right now.

1401
01:20:29.120 --> 01:20:30.480
OK.

1402
01:20:30.480 --> 01:20:31.120
You bet.

1403
01:20:31.120 --> 01:20:32.800
All right, you guys, have a great week.

1404
01:20:32.800 --> 01:20:35.120
Hey, Renee, I just want to say it was great seeing you.

1405
01:20:35.120 --> 01:20:36.960
And congratulations on your marriage.

1406
01:20:36.960 --> 01:20:38.000
Oh, thank you, Matthew.

1407
01:20:38.000 --> 01:20:39.520
I so appreciate that.

1408
01:20:39.520 --> 01:20:40.680
So good to hear from you, too.

1409
01:20:40.680 --> 01:20:43.800
And I'm going to be praying for big things for you, OK?

1410
01:20:43.800 --> 01:20:45.280
Yeah, I appreciate it.

1411
01:20:45.280 --> 01:20:46.680
Bye.

1412
01:20:46.680 --> 01:20:48.320
OK, bye.