WEBVTT

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I can do the Z up.

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I can do Z up.

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I got that.

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All right.

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Yeah.

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Good evening, ladies.

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We are going to get started.

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Tonight is really good.

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I don't know if there's not a topic,

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there's not one that I am favorable toward,

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because Jackie has designed this program.

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Hey, Shekinah.

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She's designed this program to touch, thank you, Mandy,

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to touch everything we need.

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It's a program that is very equipped for the journey

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that we're on.

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And so every topic is so good to me.

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Is there anyone, it doesn't look like to me,

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hey, Karen, that this is your first time with us?

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First time.

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Oh, Lauren Nichols, so good to see you.

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And Leah.

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And is it Kenyon?

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Kenyon.

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Kenyon.

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Yeah.

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Oh, good.

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Kim is in the house.

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So good to see y'all.

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It's your first time, Alice.

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Well, where did I talk to you at?

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Did you post?

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No, it's my first time in Facebook.

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I just graduated this past weekend.

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OK.

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Welcome to Face, who your face looks familiar.

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And I have no, I don't know why.

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But welcome to Face, and we're so

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happy to have you, Alice.

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I'm Ebony.

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I am the coach for 8 PM.

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Carla is the coach at 1 PM.

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You can come to one or the other, or you can come to both.

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It's up to you.

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They're both good.

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And if you have to watch replays,

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I'll say watch them both.

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I don't know if somebody has that kind of time.

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But anyway.

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You're welcome.

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So Alice, this is the face where we

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want to encourage you to watch at least one video a week.

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You can post your aha moments, those things

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that are just like, oh, wow.

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And all of those videos are kind of like the oh, wow.

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So we want you to do that.

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We want you to take your time.

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Have you done the welcome video from Jackie yet?

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Yes.

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Yes, I did.

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Oh, good.

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And so you know about the seven-day challenge.

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Please, if you're excited, great.

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If you're frightened, great.

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I heard that.

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I still have food, so I'm going to start next week.

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You're going to start next week.

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Well, good.

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And if there's not a requirement.

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Hey, Susan, I see you came in the room.

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It's not a requirement for you to have

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go on dates to come to coaching, because that's

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not what coaching is about.

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We coach you about your whole life.

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People are going to talk a lot about dating, of course.

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But coaching extends over to all parts of your life.

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So I want you to know that.

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So that's not the requirement.

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And we'll help you with posting, your profile,

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everything you need.

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We're here to support you.

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We want to support you on the journey.

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And we want to be with you every step of the way.

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We want to be your editor to catch things

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that you don't see.

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And we want to be your shoulder when things don't go

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the way you wanted them to be.

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We want to be the place that you cry.

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This community will support you.

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So we're here for it all.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome.

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I'm sorry if you were seeing something.

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I muted you, but I had to get rid of that background noise.

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Don't rush through phase two.

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I know, phase three is amazing.

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But don't rush.

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Take your time.

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And then you can always come back in and visit with us.

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So if you're ready to go to phase three,

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we don't want to hold you back.

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I think phase three is absolutely amazing.

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It's just in phase two, it's a smaller community.

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And so you get a lot more attention, per se.

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It's just a larger community.

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But they still take good care of you.

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That's not what I'm saying.

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They have really great events that they do.

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So all of that is wonderful.

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You ladies, please don't forget, there's

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something that you need to unpack

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that can't be done over coaching.

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Because a lot of unpacking can't really be done in coaching.

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Like in this session, we could do some in small amounts.

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But you can do one-on-ones anytime.

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Carla, myself, and lots of other amazing coaches,

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you'll see them all on the page.

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And so please feel free to do that.

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And just for in case anybody is, phase three is,

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what is it called?

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Last year single.

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This is called Love Story Accelerator.

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Phase three is last year single.

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And I can just kind of give you some

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of the things if you remind me.

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There are no criteria to do phase three.

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We just like you to stay in phase two to about four

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to five weeks.

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And then you can just send an email under the Resources tab

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and say, hey, transition me over to phase three.

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And they'll send you over to phase three.

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Just for clarity, coaching.

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Coaching is not free, there is a fee.

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And so you'll see that fee when you get ready to sign up for it.

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It's a 50-minute session with any coach that you choose.

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If you feel passive, yeah, you transition over.

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I don't want you to, yeah.

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So it's up to you.

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How did activation go this week?

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We had a lot of feedback.

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You ladies did really good.

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Who wants to share an area that they stepped out in?

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Something that they noticed about themselves

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that they didn't know at first?

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Something that you got to practice?

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Whoever you are that wants to share, unmute yourself

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and go for it.

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Nobody?

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OK.

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All right, if you ever think about it, drop it in the chat.

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We'd like to hear about it.

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Boundaries are really good to practice.

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I think I really got the hang of it.

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It is still posted, so you can take a look at it,

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but I'll take it down when we come out of the session.

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I think the one boundary that really changed my life, that

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helped me do all other boundaries,

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was the order of submission to boundaries first.

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And so once I caused myself to submit to an order,

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then everybody else submitting to the order in which I

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submitted myself to came a bit easier, much more easier,

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because that was my norm.

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That became who I was and how I operate.

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And so tonight, what am I excited about?

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Lord, let's pray.

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Father, I thank you for these ladies.

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I thank you for insight and wisdom.

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I thank you for whatever issue they have,

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whatever problem they have, that the kingdom has a solution.

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And so we thank you for kingdom solutions on tonight.

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I thank you, Lord God, that the things that we teach

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will absorb, go down deep, and produce fruit, Lord God,

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that the women around them can partake of,

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that they will have a story to share,

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that others can grow and take their journey.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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So tonight, we're going to talk about online dating.

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And we're going to try to hit up some things as it relates

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to online dating, first starting with the heart posture.

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And so a lot of times, when we think about it,

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most of us are already probably online dating.

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But some of us aren't online dating.

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And there are various reasons why.

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Some people say they don't feel led to go online dating.

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Some people say they don't want anybody looking at them,

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staring at them.

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There are a lot of reasons that we

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don't want to do online dating.

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And if you guys know, before you started online dating,

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you had your reasons why you didn't

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want to go to online dating.

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You had the things you were thinking in your mind

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about online dating.

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And still, probably sometimes, think about those things.

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But when we're looking at the ideal of online dating,

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we're talking about a heart posture first.

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And so what happens is, when we go on online dating,

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some things we have to remember, which always kind of tie back

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to what we think about ourselves,

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is that we're not going in to rescue anybody.

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We're not trying to be somebody's pastor, meaning

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their teacher.

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And this is not a detour from God's love story for you.

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And a lot of times, when we are very headstrong on,

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this is not spiritual enough, you think it's a detour.

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You think, this is not the path to get me there.

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I know this is not the path to get me there.

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But that's because we subconsciously

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believe that this path equals a husband.

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When the program is not designed for online dating

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to produce your husband, online dating

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is a sign to help you discover you.

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And so in online dating, so many women

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have already discovered that they

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struggle with setting boundaries.

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You struggle with telling the man

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don't speak to you that way.

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You struggle with leading the conversation in a healthy way,

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so people are just saying whatever.

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And you're like, oh, I could have caught that.

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Oh, I shouldn't let that happen.

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Or when you do get on the date, you actually don't know how.

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You tell a man not to touch you, but he keeps touching you.

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You don't know what to do.

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These are discovery things.

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So sometimes we can come out of it and think,

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they were rude.

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They don't this.

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I don't want them anymore.

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But we don't reflect on how did we respond?

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And why did we respond that way?

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Or why did we not respond to someone doing something

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that we don't like?

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Why did we not respond to someone saying something

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that we don't like?

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Why didn't we advocate for ourselves?

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Why didn't you stop the process?

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And so some people take two ways of doing it.

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They put up walls.

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And they say, up, click, hang up.

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But they never process through, how

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do I take control of this moment and say, hey,

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without getting mad, without being

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offended at somebody else's behavior and say to them,

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hey, let me just stop you right quick.

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Let me interrupt that language that you're using.

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It doesn't work for me.

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It feels very dishonoring to who I am.

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And if you're going to continue that way, we're

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going to have to end this conversation.

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But most of the times, we get angry and block them.

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Anger says that you have not yet learned to use your words

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to express yourself.

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The goal is for you to practice using your words

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to express yourself, because you're

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going to need your words to express yourself

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when you get married.

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Because when you get married, you

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ain't going to be able to slam the door and go in your room.

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You can do it, but that ain't going to last long.

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And it's not going to get the job done.

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And so that's why we say when you come into this phase,

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the idea that you're dating, you're

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online dating, or every date is your husband

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doesn't serve the process well.

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Are we all together?

267
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Yeah?

268
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OK.

269
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So online dating is not the savior.

270
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It is not a verdict on your worth.

271
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And this is something we do struggle with a lot.

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Based on how a man, when I say we,

273
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because I'm talking about me too, it's not a you thing.

274
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It's a we thing.

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All of us, I believe, have been at this place

276
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at some point or another, or may still be hanging out there.

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When a man speaks to you in a certain way or something

278
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he says, it's like it's a judgment on your worth.

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And some of the first thoughts you may hear popping up

280
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is, what was it about me that make him

281
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think he could say that to me?

282
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Or some men look so strange and so weird,

283
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you think to yourself, what would make him think that I

284
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wanted to talk to him?

285
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And then on top of that, you look at yourself and say,

286
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does my beauty not speak that he wouldn't be on my level?

287
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You take it as an insult, as it's

288
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a reflection of your beauty, of your intelligence.

289
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And so it's like, what made him think I would even talk to him?

290
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Or if you keep getting scammers, or you

291
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keep getting men who talk to you crazy,

292
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you think it's a reflection of you.

293
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And so you want to give up because you

294
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think the interesting men aren't interested in me,

295
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only these maybe poorly developed men.

296
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And so now, this says something about me.

297
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It only says that the scammer wants to scam,

298
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and the poorly developed man thinks you're cute.

299
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That's all it says.

300
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He likes you.

301
00:12:38.440 --> 00:12:40.160
Just because somebody like you don't mean

302
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you have to like them back.

303
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So that's one thing.

304
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How somebody shows up is not a judgment on you,

305
00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:50.760
or your beauty, or your intelligence,

306
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or your values, or your morals.

307
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Just because a man insists on having sexual comments,

308
00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:00.760
it doesn't mean that you look like somebody

309
00:13:00.760 --> 00:13:03.160
who would have sex with him.

310
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You just look like the next person

311
00:13:04.920 --> 00:13:07.960
he's going to try to see how far you let him go.

312
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And every time you let a sexual innuendo slip by,

313
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and you hear it, and you don't call it,

314
00:13:13.520 --> 00:13:16.000
he's going to keep doing it.

315
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And so you think, well, I ignored the first one,

316
00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:18.800
but he kept on.

317
00:13:18.800 --> 00:13:22.840
Of course he kept on, because if you say nothing,

318
00:13:22.880 --> 00:13:26.400
that means you just said something.

319
00:13:26.400 --> 00:13:29.240
You said, I don't mind that language.

320
00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:31.680
There's no such thing as nothing being said.

321
00:13:31.680 --> 00:13:35.840
To say nothing is to say something.

322
00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:42.200
And so online dating is just a tool.

323
00:13:42.200 --> 00:13:43.800
That's all it is.

324
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And for some of us, it's a tool to get us a clever man

325
00:13:47.800 --> 00:13:52.640
to choose from, to get you to start talking to a man.

326
00:13:52.640 --> 00:13:55.640
To get you to come out of the world

327
00:13:55.640 --> 00:13:58.520
where nobody's trying to talk to you.

328
00:13:58.520 --> 00:14:01.360
Because sometimes in Christ, we are under the idea

329
00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:04.840
that or concept that he's going to Amazon us a man based

330
00:14:04.840 --> 00:14:08.160
on one love story that we heard.

331
00:14:08.160 --> 00:14:10.680
Or something's going to happen so supernatural

332
00:14:10.680 --> 00:14:13.960
that you have to bypass getting on a person as a friend.

333
00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:15.800
You're going to bypass everything.

334
00:14:15.800 --> 00:14:19.640
You bypass the whole process in your some mind

335
00:14:19.640 --> 00:14:22.120
that even that our God is not.

336
00:14:22.120 --> 00:14:25.520
The Bible says that he's the only wise one.

337
00:14:25.520 --> 00:14:27.640
And so wisdom tells me that in order

338
00:14:27.640 --> 00:14:31.200
to be in fellowship with any single person, even with God,

339
00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:33.200
I have to get to know them.

340
00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:37.360
But somehow in our, what do they call it?

341
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:39.760
It's not called a, I call it a fantasy,

342
00:14:39.760 --> 00:14:41.600
but they call it a suddenly.

343
00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:43.200
There are suddenlies in God.

344
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:46.920
But suddenlies happen to people who are prepared.

345
00:14:46.920 --> 00:14:48.760
Because God can't trust you with a suddenly

346
00:14:48.760 --> 00:14:51.760
if you're not prepared for it.

347
00:14:51.760 --> 00:14:53.840
How are you going to qualify for a suddenly?

348
00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:56.080
A suddenly is not a suddenly.

349
00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:59.000
It's just a sudden, but you have been equipped and prepared

350
00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:00.920
for the suddenly.

351
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.760
and so God in his wisdom understands preparation. He says that any man who builds a house must first

352
00:15:05.760 --> 00:15:10.720
count up the cost. He said that if you're going to take up your cross and follow me, you must first

353
00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:16.880
count up the cost. And so it's only when we get into these romantic relationships at times as

354
00:15:16.880 --> 00:15:22.800
women, we ignore that Christ told us before you even follow me to count up the cost. And so do

355
00:15:22.800 --> 00:15:26.560
you believe that within the institution of marriage, he's not going to require you to

356
00:15:26.560 --> 00:15:34.240
count up the cost by preparing yourself? And so I just wanted to add that because on online dating,

357
00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:40.640
you get an opportunity to hear how quickly you move, how you don't practice pacing. And when

358
00:15:40.640 --> 00:15:48.480
pacing is encouraged, you bypass it because there's something in you telling you that another

359
00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:55.120
way works when it has never worked. I don't know what it is that keeps speaking that it works,

360
00:15:55.120 --> 00:16:00.400
but you keep doing it even though it doesn't work. You know what I'm saying? And so you need

361
00:16:00.400 --> 00:16:07.280
somebody to date to see that part of you, right? So are we together? Does that make sense?

362
00:16:08.640 --> 00:16:14.160
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I only see a few people. So when you nod, I'm like, okay, I'm there. We all together.

363
00:16:14.160 --> 00:16:21.840
All right. If you are doing online dating and you are bitter, you're exhausted, you are guarded,

364
00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:30.960
but not healed. You're guarded and you're hoping someone else will fix the ache. It's okay to take a

365
00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:40.320
pause. You got, sometimes we have to, we have to lay things out and recognize when you believe

366
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:45.600
some man is going to come through on a night, a night on a night and shiny armor with his armor

367
00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:51.440
night on his horse to save you from the aches of your life, to feel those places where you're

368
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:58.720
just so lonely. I just need somebody to feel the space. Oftentimes men are able to love bum you

369
00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:04.079
because you're in such a deficit so that when they start to put you in your, in their future,

370
00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:09.680
you can't believe they would imagine a future with you. And so you get excited because they

371
00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:16.240
keep saying the things that you belong to here. If they keep saying the things that you long to

372
00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:23.599
hear, that means that there is a deficit within you that needs to be filled up from you and by you

373
00:17:24.800 --> 00:17:31.120
through your relationship with the Lord, through your community, through your friends, through

374
00:17:31.120 --> 00:17:37.200
everything around you. If you recognize that instead of telling a man what your love language

375
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:41.920
is, you have to learn your love language and deal with your love language within yourself.

376
00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:48.320
So you need approval. You have to surround yourself with people that can approve of who you are.

377
00:17:51.360 --> 00:17:57.760
If it's physical touch, then you need to get, go get you some lotion, rub it on your body,

378
00:17:57.760 --> 00:18:01.680
take care of your body. That's one way for physical touch. Another way is when you hug

379
00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:06.240
people. Another way is when you have interactions with children and you can pick them up.

380
00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:09.920
You believe that physical, physical touch and lust are two different things.

381
00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:15.360
There's two different things. Sex and physical touch are two different things.

382
00:18:16.640 --> 00:18:22.480
One of the things that people said they miss most about church during COVID was actually

383
00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:27.280
hugging the people at church. Because when you walk in, most people, unless you have some type

384
00:18:27.280 --> 00:18:32.320
of issue with touching, which is another issue all by itself. When you hug somebody, it's the

385
00:18:32.320 --> 00:18:38.000
embrace of a friend. It's the embrace of a sister or brother in Christ, because you know they love

386
00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:46.720
you. They like you and you accept it. It's touch. We all need touch, physical touch. If they've done

387
00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:52.080
studies before, I'm sure you've heard of it. When a baby is not touched, ever touched, we have an

388
00:18:52.080 --> 00:18:56.960
issue. They really can die from not being physically touched. It is a need that we have,

389
00:18:56.960 --> 00:19:03.920
but physical touch is not sex. It's not lust. It's a need that you have that's being perverted.

390
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:09.360
The only way you know physical touch is through sex, but there are other ways that you're getting

391
00:19:09.360 --> 00:19:14.080
physical touch. You just have not looked into them. I hope that we're all together on this.

392
00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:21.200
When you come to the table empty, you are praying for the enemy to fill you up with foolishness

393
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:27.120
that doesn't pan out at the end. It costs you more than you want to pay, for sure.

394
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:33.680
Another thing is, you don't want to go in hoping that somebody could fix your ache

395
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:39.520
for a husband, hoping that you can find the one, because the Lord really is writing your love story.

396
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:48.160
The more prepared you get, the closer you get to the promise. We don't want to stamp heaven's

397
00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:52.720
name on something that's half done and undone, and then you go tell the world this is what God

398
00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:56.720
gave you, and you don't even know how to communicate. If you can't communicate,

399
00:19:56.720 --> 00:19:59.840
then you're not going to communicate. Then you're the person in the marriage.

400
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.800
Marriage is the institution of two people whatever you bring to the table. That's what y'all eat

401
00:20:04.800 --> 00:20:08.560
I want you to know that whatever you bring to the table

402
00:20:08.560 --> 00:20:13.800
That's what y'all having for dinner and whatever he brings to the table. That's what you're having for dinner

403
00:20:13.800 --> 00:20:17.080
So if it's spam, baby, you gonna have some $2 spam

404
00:20:18.280 --> 00:20:21.040
But all my goodness is it a real back?

405
00:20:21.840 --> 00:20:23.160
medium rare

406
00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:24.960
You got yourself good eat

407
00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:32.280
Alright, if it's a big old pot of vegetable soup tastes so good with a slice of cornbread on the side with the buttermilk

408
00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:34.880
You're about to eat good

409
00:20:35.240 --> 00:20:39.120
And so this is the phase where we make the eating good

410
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:44.480
Then when you sit down to the table with a man he enjoys

411
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:49.840
Fellowshipping with you because it's something on the inside that makes you a good fellowship

412
00:20:50.840 --> 00:20:52.840
You got something to eat

413
00:20:53.800 --> 00:21:00.680
All right, and that they can look so yeah, you got something to eat you you build yourself well, so

414
00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:06.440
I'm like expedited Lord. Don't we won't expedite we want to get it expedited

415
00:21:07.840 --> 00:21:09.880
Anyway, so principle number one

416
00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:14.880
Let's talk about a couple of principles and we're gonna get a chance to take do some more a little hopefully more coaching tonight because

417
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:18.060
I will cut it out to allow us for more time because this is about online baby

418
00:21:18.420 --> 00:21:21.620
So principle number nine go in with the fresh attitude

419
00:21:21.620 --> 00:21:25.980
But just don't go at all because you're only gonna become more and more miserable. I

420
00:21:26.940 --> 00:21:31.100
Can't tell you how many breaks I've taken in the past from online dating

421
00:21:32.340 --> 00:21:36.620
If you find yourself fearful to take a break from online dating

422
00:21:36.620 --> 00:21:42.020
It's because you're operating scarcity and you believe that this is your only hope

423
00:21:42.300 --> 00:21:47.620
You believe that all the powers in your hand and if you don't do this you slacking on the job

424
00:21:48.060 --> 00:21:52.660
It's not true. It's a lie from the enemy. You're not gonna miss anything

425
00:21:55.500 --> 00:21:59.860
Okay, you're not you can't miss it the Lord's gonna make sure of it

426
00:21:59.860 --> 00:22:07.140
And so when you start having those thoughts you get rid of them and you confess the Lord is the author of my love story

427
00:22:07.140 --> 00:22:09.900
I know that he will do what's best for me

428
00:22:10.500 --> 00:22:16.420
And if you don't know it you say because most of us don't believe that God is just that good or we don't sometimes believe

429
00:22:16.420 --> 00:22:18.060
That he loves us for our best interest

430
00:22:18.060 --> 00:22:21.780
So that's why we come up with schemes and plots and we put up with stuff that we shouldn't

431
00:22:21.900 --> 00:22:24.100
Because we believe that this is the last thing

432
00:22:24.620 --> 00:22:29.540
So that means I don't believe God loves me enough to give me the best and that's okay

433
00:22:30.180 --> 00:22:34.100
You may have some things to point to in your life as to why you believe that

434
00:22:34.140 --> 00:22:39.300
But we want to get rid of that belief system because it's just not who our father is and there's nothing wrong with

435
00:22:39.500 --> 00:22:44.580
Confessing that to him. And so then you will say help me. Let this go while I rest

436
00:22:46.540 --> 00:22:52.460
I'm struggling to believe that you will give me the best and then he can come in in that way help you

437
00:22:52.620 --> 00:22:56.820
So you don't have to deny it. Okay, and then so

438
00:22:57.380 --> 00:23:02.940
So a fresh attitude doesn't mean I'm not afraid it just means God. I trust you with my heart

439
00:23:03.540 --> 00:23:05.540
my timing and my discernment

440
00:23:06.820 --> 00:23:12.380
Y'all and I'm gonna say this online date is not striving. It's about stewardship, which is a really good point

441
00:23:12.380 --> 00:23:17.500
It's not about striving it really is about stewarding what you have in your hands and leveraging everything

442
00:23:17.500 --> 00:23:23.900
I don't know what I was about to say, but I really wanted to say it and if it comes back to my mind

443
00:23:23.900 --> 00:23:25.900
I am going to say it

444
00:23:26.380 --> 00:23:31.020
Because it was it was really important. I do believe so

445
00:23:32.380 --> 00:23:35.300
Let's do a fast heart check

446
00:23:36.300 --> 00:23:38.300
so

447
00:23:38.380 --> 00:23:44.100
We want you to self-assess your heart right now your heart posture without shame

448
00:23:45.860 --> 00:23:50.340
Okay, and we want you to assess it while you're in community with other women

449
00:23:50.340 --> 00:23:54.020
I've told you this before that we are more alike in every way

450
00:23:54.220 --> 00:24:00.300
there is not one single pose that has ever been made that no other woman has not ever made and

451
00:24:00.980 --> 00:24:02.980
It seems like things go in ways

452
00:24:03.260 --> 00:24:08.420
Because one person opposing it all of a sudden all that week is the same post over and over if you ever check it out

453
00:24:08.420 --> 00:24:10.420
You'll see it, but it goes in ways. So

454
00:24:12.780 --> 00:24:15.540
We're gonna do this quick heart check, there's no judgment

455
00:24:15.540 --> 00:24:19.380
We just want you to be honest and the honesty brings you to a place of surrender

456
00:24:20.020 --> 00:24:25.620
So we want you to respond in the chat only that way can be fast and maybe you can feel safer

457
00:24:26.020 --> 00:24:29.060
By writing it and not seeing it. So in one word

458
00:24:29.740 --> 00:24:37.380
What posture are you bringing to online dating right now now, I'm gonna give you some options is it hopeful are you guarded?

459
00:24:37.660 --> 00:24:45.580
Are you curious? Are you tired? Are you open? Are you cautious or are you expected?

460
00:24:47.740 --> 00:24:49.980
In crystal you're not online dating right now

461
00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:55.580
You can't say what you did bring in the past or what are your thoughts about why you're not dating online or how you feel?

462
00:24:55.580 --> 00:24:56.860
about it

463
00:24:56.860 --> 00:24:58.860
Okay

464
00:24:59.060 --> 00:25:01.460
I see

465
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:17.080
I'm rolling in, hopeful, good, cautious, yeah, good, good, good, these are all so good.

466
00:25:17.080 --> 00:25:22.320
If you guys are watching it or you ladies are watching these things come through, tired

467
00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:24.620
lots of going on saying yes, yes.

468
00:25:24.620 --> 00:25:29.200
You know it does take a level of energy to do online dating, I'm telling you, it really

469
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:32.940
does.

470
00:25:32.940 --> 00:25:38.780
If you would just notice what the sisters are putting in here, can you see the overlap?

471
00:25:38.780 --> 00:25:43.260
That it's not just one person, it's everybody.

472
00:25:43.260 --> 00:25:47.120
And so now that you see your posture, you've written down your posture, if you're tired,

473
00:25:47.120 --> 00:25:49.260
take a break.

474
00:25:49.260 --> 00:25:55.020
If you feel guarded, think about why you feel guarded and deal with it.

475
00:25:55.580 --> 00:26:00.940
It's an inside posture of the heart.

476
00:26:00.940 --> 00:26:04.100
It really has nothing to do with what's outside of you.

477
00:26:04.100 --> 00:26:09.340
There could have been some factors that caused you to go inward and put up your guards, but

478
00:26:09.340 --> 00:26:14.260
we want you to do, we want you to live in freedom.

479
00:26:14.260 --> 00:26:18.280
And so what you want to do is deal with what made you feel guarded.

480
00:26:18.280 --> 00:26:24.140
What did that thing trigger in your heart to say guard it up and deal with that thing

481
00:26:24.260 --> 00:26:26.540
so that you can live freely?

482
00:26:26.540 --> 00:26:35.060
Okay, now, when you're doing online dating, this is something that some of us get stuck

483
00:26:35.060 --> 00:26:36.060
at.

484
00:26:36.060 --> 00:26:37.060
Are you ready for this?

485
00:26:37.060 --> 00:26:39.160
This is a really good one.

486
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:46.660
We want you to go in to actually go on a date.

487
00:26:46.660 --> 00:26:50.460
Sometimes we can go into window shop.

488
00:26:50.460 --> 00:26:54.380
Sometimes we can go in to not collect attention at all.

489
00:26:54.380 --> 00:26:59.340
And then sometimes we can go in and spiritually psychoanalyze strangers.

490
00:26:59.340 --> 00:27:03.740
And so when you're looking at their posts or their look profile, it's like, oh, I mean,

491
00:27:03.740 --> 00:27:07.740
I have to say, please, please.

492
00:27:07.740 --> 00:27:10.460
I mean, that's a normal thing you're going to swipe.

493
00:27:10.460 --> 00:27:14.220
But it's the thoughts that are going through your mind when you're swiping like, oh, and

494
00:27:14.220 --> 00:27:17.820
then if it's one is fine, you'd be like, well, wait a minute, let me see what he got going

495
00:27:17.820 --> 00:27:18.820
on.

496
00:27:19.180 --> 00:27:22.180
Maybe there's something that I can work with.

497
00:27:22.180 --> 00:27:29.980
Or if you look at a man that you think is very attractive, and maybe he, you know, talking

498
00:27:29.980 --> 00:27:35.140
about he goes to the gym or how he eats so good and got all of the guns out, you know,

499
00:27:35.140 --> 00:27:40.100
you may want to talk to him, but sometimes we have thoughts like he wouldn't want me.

500
00:27:40.100 --> 00:27:44.060
Now I can't tell you how many times I've had this thought and how many other women have

501
00:27:44.060 --> 00:27:45.580
had this same thought.

502
00:27:45.580 --> 00:27:48.140
And so it really used to affect me at the very beginning.

503
00:27:48.460 --> 00:27:54.420
And so back in the day, I would give my sister my phone and just let her pick the people.

504
00:27:54.420 --> 00:27:56.940
And she would pick who she thought was worthy of me.

505
00:27:56.940 --> 00:28:00.380
She would pick people she wanted me to take a chance with.

506
00:28:00.380 --> 00:28:05.540
She would pick people so strategic to my personality, and it was a lot of fun letting her do that

507
00:28:05.540 --> 00:28:08.940
because there are people that I would have picked, but I didn't want to pick because

508
00:28:08.940 --> 00:28:12.780
I look at them and be like, oh, you know, they don't want me.

509
00:28:12.780 --> 00:28:21.660
So online dating, though, is actually a place you learn what you enjoy.

510
00:28:21.660 --> 00:28:25.940
Y'all, this is more about discovery than anything.

511
00:28:25.940 --> 00:28:28.500
It really, really is.

512
00:28:28.500 --> 00:28:36.600
There is a power, a self-awareness that comes through you in this phase of the program.

513
00:28:36.600 --> 00:28:40.540
This was my most favorite phase is where I learned the most hardest lessons is where

514
00:28:40.540 --> 00:28:43.220
my heart was broken.

515
00:28:43.220 --> 00:28:46.500
Sometimes I felt beyond repair.

516
00:28:46.500 --> 00:28:52.220
It is the place where I had to bow out to the order because I thought my way was the

517
00:28:52.220 --> 00:28:57.500
best way, even though I had started the program and I felt like it was amazing.

518
00:28:57.500 --> 00:29:01.820
Something in me said that when I talk to a person, we're going to talk about everything.

519
00:29:01.820 --> 00:29:05.420
Even though the program said don't do that.

520
00:29:05.420 --> 00:29:09.460
I'm like, no, I need to know like how you believe in Jesus, what your level is.

521
00:29:09.460 --> 00:29:13.820
I need to know this stuff because that's what I need to know before I go any further.

522
00:29:13.820 --> 00:29:19.260
No matter how many times Jackie, our coach, said don't do that, I did it anyway because

523
00:29:19.260 --> 00:29:23.900
I thought I knew best and it cost me a lot.

524
00:29:23.900 --> 00:29:28.300
Not just one time, not just two times, not just three times.

525
00:29:28.300 --> 00:29:33.140
If there was a rule to be broken, I broke it.

526
00:29:33.140 --> 00:29:37.780
And it has so much to do with the wounds in my heart, the way I learned affection, the

527
00:29:37.780 --> 00:29:43.300
way I learned love, the way I learned acceptance, all of these different processes, all these

528
00:29:43.300 --> 00:29:44.860
different heart issues.

529
00:29:44.860 --> 00:29:49.460
And so I did these things on repeat until it broke me enough for me to realize that

530
00:29:49.460 --> 00:29:59.340
I needed help and I needed to put myself under an order that I needed to submit to boundaries

531
00:29:59.340 --> 00:29:59.940
that I can't.

532
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.560
God to first drive me to a man and when I get there I take it from myself and we do

533
00:30:04.560 --> 00:30:06.120
everything that we shouldn't do.

534
00:30:06.120 --> 00:30:11.700
We don't grow well and I somehow I left my partner God in the background and now it's

535
00:30:11.700 --> 00:30:14.900
ordered the rules of me.

536
00:30:14.900 --> 00:30:20.780
So online dating really online dating phase two within itself dating helps to develop

537
00:30:20.780 --> 00:30:25.660
something in you that is a worthy to be developed.

538
00:30:25.660 --> 00:30:33.180
So this is a place where you learn what you enjoy learn how you like to be spoken to learn

539
00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:34.180
learn.

540
00:30:34.180 --> 00:30:41.740
I talked about this learn how to can you even communicate most women have only been with

541
00:30:41.740 --> 00:30:42.740
Jesus.

542
00:30:42.740 --> 00:30:43.740
They ain't been with no man.

543
00:30:43.740 --> 00:30:47.900
So Jesus did you to this use this but you don't know how to communicate with the person

544
00:30:47.900 --> 00:30:50.380
you know not a set boundary.

545
00:30:50.380 --> 00:30:51.380
You don't know.

546
00:30:51.380 --> 00:30:57.460
You got all these missing pieces you know man say you beautiful and you block him.

547
00:30:57.460 --> 00:31:06.340
What in the world and what he supposed to say hey ugly now call me by my name take the

548
00:31:06.340 --> 00:31:07.340
compliment.

549
00:31:07.340 --> 00:31:12.900
What is what is this what what is this going on ladies?

550
00:31:12.900 --> 00:31:18.700
I remember the first time a man told me hey beautiful I was like no he did not.

551
00:31:18.700 --> 00:31:21.340
Why would who did he think I am?

552
00:31:22.300 --> 00:31:34.660
I was so offended anyway it was just so funny and so now you ladies say I've already been

553
00:31:34.660 --> 00:31:41.100
there so I know what you're saying but it's like it was a compliment right.

554
00:31:41.100 --> 00:31:49.820
So anyway you learn how to communicate you learn how to pace emotional intimacy in this

555
00:31:49.820 --> 00:31:52.740
we struggle with and we always put it out.

556
00:31:52.740 --> 00:31:55.260
Well I just I'm a big talker.

557
00:31:55.260 --> 00:31:56.260
I just talk a lot.

558
00:31:56.260 --> 00:32:01.500
Now the truth is you don't know how to pace emotional intimacy because you've never learned

559
00:32:01.500 --> 00:32:07.060
it and you get into the program and everything is laid out for you but you get to submit

560
00:32:07.060 --> 00:32:11.900
yourself to the order because somewhere even though it has never worked you believe it

561
00:32:11.900 --> 00:32:18.020
works your way and so you don't want to pace yourself emotionally you get on the phone

562
00:32:18.020 --> 00:32:22.460
with the guy and you just go straight through it you just keep doing it and keep blowing

563
00:32:22.460 --> 00:32:23.460
up.

564
00:32:23.460 --> 00:32:27.100
Now I don't want you to be like me I had to go through about three or four times before

565
00:32:27.100 --> 00:32:31.940
some said hey that's they just told you that doesn't work.

566
00:32:31.940 --> 00:32:37.340
You can research it anywhere that's not how you develop relationships.

567
00:32:37.340 --> 00:32:42.820
So um and it's a it's a place where you learn how to stay grounded instead of attached too

568
00:32:42.820 --> 00:32:44.140
quickly.

569
00:32:44.140 --> 00:32:47.980
So this is the thing and I've said this many times and I'm gonna I'm gonna wrap this phase

570
00:32:47.980 --> 00:32:56.700
up and we'll talk about some more things next time we get on this subject but uh wow Holy

571
00:32:56.700 --> 00:33:00.620
Spirit is helping guide me tonight I guess because it literally slipped my mind once

572
00:33:00.620 --> 00:33:08.180
again so um let's just move on from that I've got a few more minutes okay.

573
00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:14.060
Remember that online dating in this phase is not about finding the one immediately it's

574
00:33:14.980 --> 00:33:19.940
about becoming a woman who dates from wholeness not hunger.

575
00:33:19.940 --> 00:33:26.220
We want to get some full women around here so you can date from wholeness and not hunger

576
00:33:26.220 --> 00:33:31.300
wholeness and not scarcity.

577
00:33:31.300 --> 00:33:36.860
And so oftentimes we say this and you listen to the women everybody will say well I you

578
00:33:36.860 --> 00:33:40.940
know I didn't want to hurt them hurt them there's a man you're talking so you ain't

579
00:33:40.940 --> 00:33:48.300
talking about no four-year-old child ten-year-old boy this is a grown man it's in some way people

580
00:33:48.300 --> 00:33:52.460
are not responsible for their own emotional well-being and you're the one that has to

581
00:33:52.460 --> 00:33:57.340
be responsible for it so do this I'm gonna let you talk to me any kind of way and I'm

582
00:33:57.340 --> 00:34:02.940
just gonna well you know I don't want to do that but really there's something else at

583
00:34:02.940 --> 00:34:08.380
work in you that wants to hold on to something that is not serving you it's scarcity.

584
00:34:08.380 --> 00:34:12.659
We believe that something is about other people nothing is about other people before

585
00:34:12.659 --> 00:34:18.060
it becomes about you so even if you wanted to somebody to talk to just to have a conversation

586
00:34:18.060 --> 00:34:21.780
going have you ever been like before I just want to talk to a man I just want to hear

587
00:34:21.780 --> 00:34:26.860
some testosterone I could talk to my friend but I want to talk to a man and sometimes

588
00:34:26.860 --> 00:34:32.580
you'll keep men around just because you want that connection and sometimes you'll pay a

589
00:34:32.580 --> 00:34:39.300
higher cost to get it that's an inside job you're not doing anything for him so then

590
00:34:39.300 --> 00:34:43.020
when you come back and you relate it's like well I did this and I did this and I did this

591
00:34:43.020 --> 00:34:48.380
and I did this longer the days of the I did this and I did that and I did this and I did

592
00:34:48.380 --> 00:34:58.980
that it's not somebody else it's us if you tolerate foolishness it is not the foolish

593
00:34:58.980 --> 00:35:01.140
person it is

594
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:11.240
to you. It is us. Okay. So it is not about a woman who dates. This is about a woman who

595
00:35:11.240 --> 00:35:16.040
dates from wholeness and not from hunger. In phase two, along with phase one hard work,

596
00:35:16.040 --> 00:35:20.680
you get to phase two, you get to practice your hard work. It brings you to a whole woman.

597
00:35:20.680 --> 00:35:25.920
I've seen it happen. I look at myself every day and I'm looking at you and I know what

598
00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:31.360
it does. It really does bring you to wholeness. Um, if you just operate under that, uh, thing

599
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:34.600
and Heather, I want to say something to you too. I'm glad you cut your camera. I'm not

600
00:35:34.600 --> 00:35:43.120
right now, but I will. Um, let's normalize this one thing and I'm going to wrap this

601
00:35:43.120 --> 00:35:50.560
up here. It's so much good stuff, but listen, let's normalize something. This is a reality

602
00:35:50.560 --> 00:35:58.960
of online dating. Are you ready? Here they go. There will be scammers. You will get ghosted.

603
00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:04.520
There will be wishy-washy men and they're going to be men who don't know what they want.

604
00:36:04.520 --> 00:36:07.880
They're going to be men. That's going to be talking to you this hot on Friday and Saturday

605
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:12.160
and cold come Sunday through Thursday. They're going to try to pick back up where they left

606
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:30.640
off it, but you going to be gone. Okay. You're going to already be gone. Hey, who is it Diana?

607
00:36:30.640 --> 00:36:38.160
This is my son, Chris. Hey, Chris, you need a, you married? No, I'm not married. You need

608
00:36:39.160 --> 00:36:46.160
to join the program. How old are you? I'll be 46 on Thursday. What are you waiting on?

609
00:36:46.160 --> 00:36:51.160
Oh, I know. Right. Oh, something else going on. I had to talk to Diana. I got a 46 year

610
00:36:51.160 --> 00:36:57.160
old handsome man's son and he ain't married and she's sitting on the screen full of women.

611
00:36:57.160 --> 00:37:07.640
Okay. Okay. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. So, um, yeah, so those are things

612
00:37:08.120 --> 00:37:13.640
that's going to be there and we have to be, uh, no, look, my love is hook us up. He handsome

613
00:37:13.640 --> 00:37:20.640
too. I didn't want to make him feel too embarrassed. I just let it go. He's, he's a cutie. You

614
00:37:20.640 --> 00:37:27.640
got to tell us more about him. Yeah. But, um, so yes, look at somebody else said he's

615
00:37:27.640 --> 00:37:38.640
cute to him. He kind of, he, um, so just let these things pass, you know, like we have

616
00:37:38.640 --> 00:37:42.640
to let these things pass and don't take it personal. It's not you. Where are you going

617
00:37:42.640 --> 00:37:53.640
to go, Susan? I'm going to church for a class at church, but okay. Send me a follow up email.

618
00:37:54.640 --> 00:38:00.640
I will. I haven't forgotten. Okay, great. All right. But I'm listening to church. Okay.

619
00:38:00.640 --> 00:38:04.640
Oh, okay. So we want to handle these things without losing our peace and I'm gonna, I'm

620
00:38:04.640 --> 00:38:11.640
gonna wrap it up right there. Um, we're going to have, uh, let's talk about this one more

621
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:18.640
thing. Facing matters. This is the thing with online dating. All right. We told you guys

622
00:38:19.640 --> 00:38:30.640
that you are dating for, uh, in-person date. You are not looking for texting buddy. So

623
00:38:30.640 --> 00:38:34.640
that means once you text for about one week, if you want to stay on the platform and text

624
00:38:34.640 --> 00:38:38.640
back and forth, we want you to be working your way up to an in-person date.

625
00:38:38.640 --> 00:38:42.640
So then you want to move to zoom video, a phone, do Google voice. If you don't want

626
00:38:42.640 --> 00:38:45.640
to give out your number into an in-person date, if you don't want to get much, don't

627
00:38:45.640 --> 00:38:48.640
give them out your number until you get there. That's fine. If they don't like it, then they're

628
00:38:48.640 --> 00:38:53.640
not the person for you to chat with. Okay. Some people don't like that kind of stuff.

629
00:38:53.640 --> 00:38:57.640
I don't prefer this stuff. If a man tells me he's not going to give me his number until

630
00:38:57.640 --> 00:39:01.640
we go out on a date, then I'm going to stop talking to him. Cause I'm not going to meet

631
00:39:01.640 --> 00:39:04.640
somebody I've not seen before. And I'm not going to meet somebody. I haven't heard their

632
00:39:04.640 --> 00:39:12.640
voice before. That is me. That feels very unsafe to me. And it's weird. I don't meet

633
00:39:12.640 --> 00:39:16.640
people I have not seen before. And I do not talk to people on the phone that I have not

634
00:39:16.640 --> 00:39:23.640
seen before. That's a no go for me. Um, I'm quickly, I am more quickly to move to a video

635
00:39:23.640 --> 00:39:29.640
call because I want to see that person. And I'm not even as comfortable exchanging pictures

636
00:39:29.640 --> 00:39:32.640
of pictures that are on there. That's who I am. That's how I look. Let's get on the

637
00:39:32.640 --> 00:39:37.640
FaceTime so we can all verify how everybody look around here. Okay. Um, that's just how

638
00:39:37.640 --> 00:39:41.640
I feel about that. Everybody's different, but I'm telling you when a man says he doesn't

639
00:39:41.640 --> 00:39:45.640
like that, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with him because I am a woman telling

640
00:39:45.640 --> 00:39:51.640
you for myself that that's how I operate. And a lot of times we get offended with a

641
00:39:51.640 --> 00:39:57.640
man when he does that, but he's just saying, no, I'm not finna meet a woman I haven't seen

642
00:39:57.640 --> 00:39:59.640
before. You ain't finna show up looking like nobody.

643
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.480
Okabea, no, get me out there.

644
00:40:03.480 --> 00:40:06.320
You know, I don't even know how you sound, right?

645
00:40:06.320 --> 00:40:09.720
And so you're interested in a live date.

646
00:40:09.720 --> 00:40:12.120
And so let's try not to be texting for three weeks

647
00:40:12.120 --> 00:40:13.880
somebody you've never seen before.

648
00:40:15.580 --> 00:40:19.660
And then getting attached and making plans in a life.

649
00:40:21.680 --> 00:40:22.720
Right?

650
00:40:22.720 --> 00:40:23.540
Yeah.

651
00:40:23.540 --> 00:40:24.920
All right, we're gonna stop there.

652
00:40:24.920 --> 00:40:27.440
This is your activation for this week.

653
00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:30.480
And then you guys don't start putting your hands up yet.

654
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:32.920
I want you to, but I'm gonna lose who was first

655
00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:34.320
if I'm looking at these notes.

656
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:39.320
And so this week as a community,

657
00:40:40.400 --> 00:40:42.820
we're gonna create space for everybody to be seen,

658
00:40:42.820 --> 00:40:46.060
to be celebrated and to pair our hearts for dating together.

659
00:40:46.060 --> 00:40:48.200
So whether you've actively online dating,

660
00:40:48.200 --> 00:40:52.120
considerate or simply preparing for the season ahead,

661
00:40:52.120 --> 00:40:54.920
this is a gentle and joyful way to practice

662
00:40:54.920 --> 00:40:57.280
introducing yourself and inviting community

663
00:40:57.280 --> 00:40:58.600
in your journey.

664
00:40:58.600 --> 00:41:00.840
So this is not performance.

665
00:41:00.840 --> 00:41:04.200
This is not comparison, and this is sisterhood.

666
00:41:04.200 --> 00:41:05.480
So this is your invitation.

667
00:41:05.480 --> 00:41:07.760
We want you to create one post in this community,

668
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:10.360
introducing yourself using the prompts below.

669
00:41:10.360 --> 00:41:12.080
I know that sound like, ah, la, la, la,

670
00:41:12.080 --> 00:41:13.040
but it really is good.

671
00:41:13.040 --> 00:41:14.120
So check it out.

672
00:41:14.120 --> 00:41:16.720
You are going to share only what feels comfortable.

673
00:41:16.720 --> 00:41:19.920
There is no right way to do this, just your way.

674
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:21.560
So what you're gonna include in your post,

675
00:41:21.560 --> 00:41:22.920
this is already gonna be posted.

676
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:24.560
I've already posted.

677
00:41:25.200 --> 00:41:27.760
A current photo of you, something that feels like you,

678
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:30.680
something that feels simple, natural and current.

679
00:41:30.680 --> 00:41:34.000
You're gonna tell us where you live, city, state or country,

680
00:41:35.160 --> 00:41:36.840
whether you're open to relocating,

681
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:39.040
because these are the things you're also put

682
00:41:39.040 --> 00:41:40.720
on a dating site, right?

683
00:41:40.720 --> 00:41:43.400
Like whether, I guess, if you're open to relocation,

684
00:41:43.400 --> 00:41:46.920
yes or no, or maybe a few fun facts about you.

685
00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:49.240
Make them like light and human and joyful.

686
00:41:49.240 --> 00:41:51.200
This gives us a glimpse into who you are.

687
00:41:51.200 --> 00:41:52.480
And this is also gonna help you

688
00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:54.800
create your dating profiles.

689
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:56.320
No, I don't think you can do a video

690
00:41:56.320 --> 00:41:57.920
called the Google number.

691
00:41:57.920 --> 00:41:59.960
Things that you genuinely enjoy.

692
00:41:59.960 --> 00:42:01.400
How you spend your free time?

693
00:42:01.400 --> 00:42:02.680
What helps you relax?

694
00:42:02.680 --> 00:42:04.480
What fills your cup?

695
00:42:04.480 --> 00:42:05.960
Now, that's a really good one,

696
00:42:05.960 --> 00:42:08.360
because most ladies, I can't tell you how many times

697
00:42:08.360 --> 00:42:09.640
I've seen it, and I was one,

698
00:42:09.640 --> 00:42:11.440
don't know nothing about they self.

699
00:42:11.440 --> 00:42:13.160
Like, I don't really know what I like.

700
00:42:13.160 --> 00:42:15.880
Has a man asked you, like, what type of stuff you like?

701
00:42:15.880 --> 00:42:19.520
One time I said, you know, stuff that everybody is like,

702
00:42:19.520 --> 00:42:21.120
I ain't know what I like.

703
00:42:21.120 --> 00:42:23.960
I was like, you know what normal people like to do?

704
00:42:23.960 --> 00:42:25.840
That was not a good answer.

705
00:42:27.480 --> 00:42:30.920
And then words, words that close friends

706
00:42:30.920 --> 00:42:32.800
would use to describe you.

707
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:35.560
Think about your character, your heart, and your presence.

708
00:42:35.560 --> 00:42:40.280
What you're generally, what's with these G and R's?

709
00:42:40.280 --> 00:42:41.120
I don't know.

710
00:42:42.240 --> 00:42:44.000
What you're generally attracted to.

711
00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:46.680
So energy, values, character, lifestyle.

712
00:42:46.680 --> 00:42:49.120
Keep this grounded and relational.

713
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:52.440
And then there's some optional things for you to do there,

714
00:42:52.440 --> 00:42:53.640
to do there as well.

715
00:42:53.640 --> 00:42:55.800
And I want you to check that out.

716
00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:57.440
We want you to engage with the posts

717
00:42:57.440 --> 00:42:58.560
that your sisters put up.

718
00:42:58.560 --> 00:43:01.680
Ask questions, share something that you really liked

719
00:43:01.680 --> 00:43:03.840
about it, comment on more than the photo,

720
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:05.680
comment on their personality.

721
00:43:05.680 --> 00:43:07.560
One of the things that women struggle with most

722
00:43:07.560 --> 00:43:09.160
on online dating or meeting a man,

723
00:43:09.160 --> 00:43:10.000
the first thing he says,

724
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:11.720
he didn't ask me anything about me.

725
00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:16.080
It matters to you that this man doesn't care about you.

726
00:43:16.120 --> 00:43:19.960
You wanna be pretty, but it's more to you than your looks.

727
00:43:19.960 --> 00:43:21.280
And so it's a really big deal

728
00:43:21.280 --> 00:43:23.360
if somebody doesn't ask you something about yourself.

729
00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:26.840
So we wanna practice asking our sisters things about them

730
00:43:26.840 --> 00:43:29.160
so they can get the fulfillment out of it

731
00:43:29.160 --> 00:43:31.000
because that is a real thing.

732
00:43:31.000 --> 00:43:32.120
So, all right.

733
00:43:33.960 --> 00:43:36.040
The rest of the activations already posted.

734
00:43:36.040 --> 00:43:38.000
So Heather, what I want to tell you was,

735
00:43:38.000 --> 00:43:39.280
everybody else can go ahead.

736
00:43:39.280 --> 00:43:41.320
If you have a question, just put your hand up.

737
00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:42.920
I'm happy to take it.

738
00:43:42.920 --> 00:43:45.000
Heather, what I was gonna say last time.

739
00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:48.960
Oh no, Lauren, you gotta go, I miss you.

740
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:51.320
Can you make a post and tell me how you been?

741
00:43:52.600 --> 00:43:53.440
All right.

742
00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:57.240
So Heather, I know last time you were mentioning

743
00:43:57.240 --> 00:44:01.640
about struggling with, I gotta find your key.

744
00:44:01.640 --> 00:44:03.960
Still, what did you say this last time

745
00:44:03.960 --> 00:44:06.600
about you're avoiding the things you struggle

746
00:44:06.600 --> 00:44:08.680
with being avoided?

747
00:44:08.680 --> 00:44:10.280
And one of the things that helped me,

748
00:44:10.280 --> 00:44:12.680
and I don't know if I said this to you before.

749
00:44:12.680 --> 00:44:16.360
One of the things that really helped me grow out of

750
00:44:16.360 --> 00:44:19.320
the way that I learned to attach

751
00:44:19.320 --> 00:44:22.400
because it is a learned style from childhood.

752
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:25.160
You didn't decide it, somebody decided it for you,

753
00:44:26.160 --> 00:44:29.920
is I understood that I was a new creation in Christ

754
00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:33.360
and now I get to show up differently and love differently.

755
00:44:33.360 --> 00:44:35.600
I don't have to abide by the rules

756
00:44:35.600 --> 00:44:38.560
or what has been cultivated in me from my family.

757
00:44:39.800 --> 00:44:41.640
And I don't know if there's something I've said to you

758
00:44:41.640 --> 00:44:42.960
but I wanted to say it to you

759
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:44.560
because just because you're an avoided,

760
00:44:44.560 --> 00:44:47.080
you have learned that that was the love style

761
00:44:47.080 --> 00:44:48.720
that your family gave you.

762
00:44:48.720 --> 00:44:50.960
You don't have to operate in it.

763
00:44:50.960 --> 00:44:53.560
And the tendencies may not ever leave.

764
00:44:53.560 --> 00:44:56.480
And I heard Jackie say this in one of the teachings

765
00:44:56.480 --> 00:44:58.680
that the tendencies may not ever leave

766
00:44:58.680 --> 00:45:00.320
but it doesn't mean you have to.

767
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.720
obey the tendencies. You don't have to operate under them and the more you operate under them

768
00:45:06.720 --> 00:45:12.080
and the more you keep declaring that you are an avoidant, the more you're going to operate in it.

769
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:16.880
And so what I started doing was because one time I kept saying, well, you know, I'm just

770
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:21.200
disorganized. I'm just disorganized. If they do this, I do this. And the Lord clearly spoke to me.

771
00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:25.600
He said, that's not who you are. And you're going to have to stop saying it because the more you

772
00:45:25.600 --> 00:45:30.240
say it, the more you're going to be there. And I was listening to this book and he started

773
00:45:30.240 --> 00:45:36.240
ministering to me about why do you operate under the old order when you've come under a new order?

774
00:45:36.960 --> 00:45:43.440
My love isn't disorganized. My love isn't anxious. And you have your love, my love living in you

775
00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:49.760
give people what they so rightly deserve because when you give it out, you also give it to yourself.

776
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:57.760
It's wrong to have the best thing to give to them, but hold back under a false identity of who you

777
00:45:57.760 --> 00:46:03.920
are. And it opened my eyes so much because it was like, oh, I don't have to give people

778
00:46:04.560 --> 00:46:11.600
this broken love that I received. Why would I want to give somebody the brokenness that I received?

779
00:46:11.600 --> 00:46:15.680
And so I made up my mind that I would not give people the brokenness that I received,

780
00:46:15.680 --> 00:46:21.120
but I will pour from me out of the wholeness that I've received in Christ out of all the

781
00:46:21.120 --> 00:46:26.320
hard work that I've done because they don't deserve to get that. Cause I know how hard

782
00:46:26.320 --> 00:46:32.240
that way of loving was on me. I know what it's shaped in me. And I made a law within myself.

783
00:46:32.240 --> 00:46:37.840
I will not give someone else what was given to me and it's not who I am. And so just because

784
00:46:37.840 --> 00:46:42.640
you're bent that way, you can always lean in the other direction. And I just wanted to share that

785
00:46:42.640 --> 00:46:49.200
with you. Is that helpful in any way? It is. I was about to put my hand up, but then you said my

786
00:46:49.200 --> 00:46:57.920
name. So I didn't, but can I respond or I know? Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you. I appreciate

787
00:46:57.920 --> 00:47:04.080
that. I thought a lot about that through the heart work and just understanding that for me,

788
00:47:05.040 --> 00:47:12.880
it wasn't so much my family, but my environment, like that really shaped that a lot in me. And

789
00:47:15.120 --> 00:47:23.120
so I really struggle with that. And also with, with dating, this is actually one of the questions

790
00:47:23.120 --> 00:47:28.720
I was going to ask you tonight because, and you know, I'm trying to find how to navigate.

791
00:47:28.720 --> 00:47:34.080
I'm trying to find how to navigate. We all are. And this is great because this program is giving

792
00:47:34.080 --> 00:47:38.880
me for the first time, I feel like I'm learning how to date. Like I never understood how to do

793
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:46.400
certain things and always end up being too fast or too slow or me walking out the door. So,

794
00:47:47.520 --> 00:47:51.440
but I have a different question, but I want to say, first of all, thank you very much. I just

795
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:56.960
was typing, finger typing some notes down because I have to remind myself of that when I start

796
00:47:56.960 --> 00:48:05.120
feeling stressed or concerned. And my tendency is to be bold, whether that means taking a trip

797
00:48:05.120 --> 00:48:13.920
and being, or just being completely unavailable. And, you know, so my question though was,

798
00:48:14.560 --> 00:48:22.240
so I've been going out on dates with this, this gentleman who is very nice. He is considerate,

799
00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:28.640
ticks a lot of the boxes, all these things. I'm not finding myself attracted to him

800
00:48:29.680 --> 00:48:35.120
in any like longer term capacity, but he's really nice. He's actually fun to go do things with, but

801
00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:41.120
we're not like, there's, it's, I think I've given it a lot of time

802
00:48:41.120 --> 00:48:49.120
where I'm just not feeling that way about him. And I'm, I struggle a little bit because for a

803
00:48:49.120 --> 00:48:53.680
while I was like, well, am I being avoidant? Am I just because, you know, imperfection? And it's

804
00:48:53.680 --> 00:49:00.560
a yes until it's a no, as Jackie says. And also, although I've not really experienced it, but like,

805
00:49:00.560 --> 00:49:05.680
you know, give people time if they're really wonderful or things are right, you know,

806
00:49:06.480 --> 00:49:10.640
attraction can grow out of unexpected relationships. So I've been trying to like,

807
00:49:10.640 --> 00:49:15.520
talk myself through these, like, don't do my normal, I'm out of here thing. Also, because

808
00:49:15.520 --> 00:49:20.000
like I said, he's really nice. And when we've gone out, we've really had nice time, fun. He's

809
00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:26.000
fun. And I feel like I have someone fun to do things with, but I know he likes me a lot. And

810
00:49:26.000 --> 00:49:31.760
I know that he would like to work towards, you know, another space. And I'm not feeling that.

811
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:39.360
And I feel like I'm in this in-between space where I'm not sure quite what to do because I have not,

812
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:42.960
you know, committed to dating this person one-on-one because I was kind of trusting how

813
00:49:42.960 --> 00:49:50.640
I'm feeling. And I also hate the idea of not having someone fun to do interesting things with,

814
00:49:50.640 --> 00:49:53.280
because if I think of something fun to do, or he thinks of something fun to do,

815
00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:58.800
he's a fun person to do them with. But I don't want to kiss him. I don't want him,

816
00:49:58.800 --> 00:49:59.920
you know, I'm not feeling it.

817
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.560
You know, I I've tried to see if it's me just being me

818
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:09.220
and I'm like, I don't know what to do and I

819
00:50:10.120 --> 00:50:15.040
Can say I'm just not attracted to you and like close the door, but then I'm like, but he's actually a really nice person

820
00:50:15.040 --> 00:50:18.340
I don't know. Okay, so let's talk about this

821
00:50:19.840 --> 00:50:21.840
How long have you been getting to know him

822
00:50:23.720 --> 00:50:29.040
For about three four months like I was for the record

823
00:50:29.280 --> 00:50:33.640
December was not counting because I was sick the whole month. So I didn't see him for like five weeks

824
00:50:33.640 --> 00:50:35.640
but we've gone out on like probably

825
00:50:36.800 --> 00:50:40.920
Five or six dates in person and then we talked periodically

826
00:50:41.480 --> 00:50:44.240
well, what reason why I say whoo because I

827
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:52.300
Don't I you you could possibly just not be attracted to him. It should have grown. Do you guys talk in between time?

828
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:56.360
He always checks in

829
00:50:56.760 --> 00:51:00.040
We don't have a lot of really that's part of the thing I'm like I I

830
00:51:02.080 --> 00:51:04.780
Need an engaging person who's got a lot of I don't know

831
00:51:05.360 --> 00:51:08.760
We do talk but it's not like we talk every day or anything like that. We talk

832
00:51:09.480 --> 00:51:11.480
because a cup maybe

833
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:15.240
once or twice a week and then we'll kind of check in on schedules and

834
00:51:15.960 --> 00:51:21.800
I'm not making myself the most available because I'm not feeling it, but he's also really nice and

835
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:29.520
And so this this one thing I want to touch on that why aren't you attracted to him

836
00:51:30.920 --> 00:51:33.780
Well, I've been thinking about it. I'm like, what is the problem?

837
00:51:34.520 --> 00:51:36.040
There's two things one

838
00:51:36.040 --> 00:51:42.000
Which is a concern and I this is also why I feel like I gave this a lot more time as he's had some health

839
00:51:42.440 --> 00:51:47.800
Problems like he had a stroke a year or something ago and he's been recovering and he's doing really well and it's not

840
00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:50.000
You know

841
00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.320
he's doing great actually considering it was major, but I

842
00:51:55.240 --> 00:52:01.320
I've been a caretaker before and that is a fear for me to have to just I mean it could happen anyway to anybody

843
00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:03.320
things happen in life, but like

844
00:52:03.640 --> 00:52:07.360
That from for a while. That was like, okay. I prayed a lot about that

845
00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:07.880
I'm like, okay

846
00:52:07.880 --> 00:52:13.360
Am I not giving a person a fair chance because people go through things and then some people recover really well

847
00:52:13.360 --> 00:52:17.520
And he's doing very well, but it's a thing and then the other wasn't the other part

848
00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:24.360
One thing was his stroke food-related like it was because of the way he cares for his body or did it happen from some other

849
00:52:24.360 --> 00:52:26.080
trauma, I

850
00:52:26.080 --> 00:52:28.460
Don't know and I don't know that he knows

851
00:52:29.520 --> 00:52:35.920
Exactly why it trapped because a lot of times you don't know what triggered it, but I know he's a veteran. I know he's

852
00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:38.640
Now considered disabled veteran

853
00:52:39.600 --> 00:52:41.600
But that old easy

854
00:52:41.760 --> 00:52:43.760
Hmm. Oh

855
00:52:44.160 --> 00:52:46.160
He is 50. I

856
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:49.520
Think he's 54. He's right a little over than me

857
00:52:50.960 --> 00:52:56.640
You I'm 52. Oh, you gotta be kidding me. No

858
00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:03.300
Like maybe late 30s early

859
00:53:07.760 --> 00:53:09.760
Wow, I'm

860
00:53:11.560 --> 00:53:14.020
Wow, I'm speechless really

861
00:53:14.860 --> 00:53:16.380
Anyway

862
00:53:16.380 --> 00:53:21.860
Is he on high blood pressure medication? He's on a ton of medications. He just had a major stroke

863
00:53:22.620 --> 00:53:26.100
He may just had a major stroke, but he wouldn't go on high blood pressure

864
00:53:26.100 --> 00:53:30.220
I'm trying to see what attributes to his health because I know it sounds like I'm picking apart

865
00:53:30.220 --> 00:53:34.020
But it does matter because let's say he had an injury. He had a stroke

866
00:53:34.140 --> 00:53:38.220
But if he has high blood pressure and he's not eating well and taking care of his body

867
00:53:38.220 --> 00:53:42.300
It's gonna make you even more fearful that puts you in a position to take care of him

868
00:53:42.300 --> 00:53:46.940
I know he is now but all of this is on the backside of what was a major stroke

869
00:53:47.220 --> 00:53:51.380
yes, but right now he's on 14 pills a day and I believe that I

870
00:53:52.660 --> 00:53:54.660
don't know his full history because

871
00:53:55.660 --> 00:53:57.340
I'm respecting him

872
00:53:57.340 --> 00:54:02.140
unveiling certain things at certain times and I also don't want it to end up being like this big deep divulgent thing and I'm like

873
00:54:02.140 --> 00:54:04.140
By the way, I'm not attracted to you

874
00:54:04.340 --> 00:54:06.340
after he says

875
00:54:07.060 --> 00:54:15.300
I'm not crying. Yeah, but I I know it was a major stroke like they he's considered miraculous by certain doctors

876
00:54:16.100 --> 00:54:18.100
but he's doing really well, but

877
00:54:18.380 --> 00:54:20.020
So I'm thinking about that

878
00:54:20.020 --> 00:54:20.540
Yeah

879
00:54:20.540 --> 00:54:25.540
I was trying to dissect the fear part because even though you want to be a caretaker there are certain things a person can

880
00:54:25.540 --> 00:54:30.420
Show you that makes them look like they will be even more care in the future or certain things

881
00:54:30.420 --> 00:54:33.060
They can show you that yeah that happened, but you're recovering well

882
00:54:33.060 --> 00:54:38.300
So I just want to kind of dissect yourself and so what's the second thing the second thing is

883
00:54:42.340 --> 00:54:44.340
He

884
00:54:45.140 --> 00:54:49.500
He's like I am a nerd I'm a brainy brainy nerd

885
00:54:49.500 --> 00:54:55.140
I am also an adventurer and I like to do a lot of things and I like to I'm really I really get into that

886
00:54:55.140 --> 00:54:58.140
So like I'm always reading something. I need

887
00:54:58.940 --> 00:55:00.940
intellectual stimulation

888
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.240
and I need, I need wit and humor.

889
00:55:04.240 --> 00:55:06.480
And he's, he gets the jokes and stuff,

890
00:55:06.480 --> 00:55:07.800
but he doesn't have,

891
00:55:07.800 --> 00:55:09.560
he doesn't offer that in his personality.

892
00:55:09.560 --> 00:55:10.760
It doesn't come through.

893
00:55:11.640 --> 00:55:13.200
If I ask him if he's reading anything,

894
00:55:13.200 --> 00:55:14.360
he's not reading anything,

895
00:55:14.360 --> 00:55:16.800
even though he's very intelligent,

896
00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:19.280
but he's not, his brain doesn't,

897
00:55:19.280 --> 00:55:21.000
he's not stimulated by any of the things

898
00:55:21.000 --> 00:55:23.080
that I find really interesting,

899
00:55:23.080 --> 00:55:25.720
other than we have a great time if we go do something.

900
00:55:25.720 --> 00:55:26.920
And there are interesting things,

901
00:55:26.920 --> 00:55:28.640
like we went to the rodeo, you know what I mean?

902
00:55:28.640 --> 00:55:33.200
Like we went to, you know, fun things,

903
00:55:33.200 --> 00:55:38.200
but when it, I lack the intellectual stimulation

904
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:43.000
and the conversation and the things that really,

905
00:55:43.000 --> 00:55:44.440
like, I want to have a conversation

906
00:55:44.440 --> 00:55:47.240
about something really interesting or what happened today

907
00:55:47.240 --> 00:55:48.840
and nothing's happening.

908
00:55:48.840 --> 00:55:50.760
I mean, and I don't know if part of it's

909
00:55:50.760 --> 00:55:53.600
because he's dealing with, you know, family or recovery.

910
00:55:53.600 --> 00:55:56.040
And that just takes over his, a lot of his personal life.

911
00:55:56.040 --> 00:55:57.840
And then he just wants to relax,

912
00:55:57.880 --> 00:55:59.160
but I'm not that girl.

913
00:55:59.160 --> 00:56:03.080
I need, he'd be happy to come along,

914
00:56:03.080 --> 00:56:05.280
but I need that conversation.

915
00:56:05.280 --> 00:56:10.280
I need that interest, common interest in some things

916
00:56:10.800 --> 00:56:13.880
that drive me for us to be in common.

917
00:56:13.880 --> 00:56:15.160
Like if you have a hobby,

918
00:56:15.160 --> 00:56:16.280
you want to teach me about a hobby.

919
00:56:16.280 --> 00:56:17.120
I don't know how to fish,

920
00:56:17.120 --> 00:56:18.200
but I'll go learn how to fly fish

921
00:56:18.200 --> 00:56:20.960
if you're really cool about it.

922
00:56:20.960 --> 00:56:23.920
So what you're saying is you're,

923
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:26.640
one of your main attractions is intellectual,

924
00:56:28.080 --> 00:56:30.320
stimulation, like that's just who you are.

925
00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:31.640
It's a part of your personality.

926
00:56:31.640 --> 00:56:33.800
You like intellectual attraction.

927
00:56:33.800 --> 00:56:36.760
And so intellect and then his health issues,

928
00:56:36.760 --> 00:56:38.400
you've been a caretaker before.

929
00:56:41.400 --> 00:56:43.920
Okay, these are my thoughts.

930
00:56:45.400 --> 00:56:49.560
I would like to see you spend more time talking to him

931
00:56:49.560 --> 00:56:51.720
outside of going places with him

932
00:56:52.720 --> 00:56:56.360
to see how that feels to you, not to keep you in it,

933
00:56:56.360 --> 00:56:58.000
but just to give more time.

934
00:56:58.000 --> 00:57:00.080
You're not conversating with him

935
00:57:00.080 --> 00:57:03.120
or introducing these interesting conversations

936
00:57:03.120 --> 00:57:04.720
to see how he can get to know him.

937
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:05.840
So you could just say,

938
00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:09.520
I really like intellectually stimulating conversations.

939
00:57:09.520 --> 00:57:13.120
And so I want to explore that part of who you are

940
00:57:13.120 --> 00:57:15.880
as a person, like you can literally say that.

941
00:57:15.880 --> 00:57:18.720
And so let's start talking with each other

942
00:57:18.720 --> 00:57:20.520
a little bit more through the week

943
00:57:20.520 --> 00:57:23.120
and see if we could do that, right?

944
00:57:23.120 --> 00:57:24.600
You've been dating him three or four months

945
00:57:24.600 --> 00:57:26.400
to be able to say you want to explore

946
00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:28.920
a particular area, right?

947
00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:31.520
And so, because you're not talking to him,

948
00:57:31.520 --> 00:57:34.520
you don't get much exploration of it.

949
00:57:34.520 --> 00:57:37.000
You only get the good times when y'all go hang out

950
00:57:37.000 --> 00:57:39.640
and do something fun and he's fun to do things with.

951
00:57:41.200 --> 00:57:44.240
Heather, I understand that there's a desire of yours

952
00:57:44.240 --> 00:57:45.640
when you partner and marry somebody,

953
00:57:45.640 --> 00:57:48.040
you want to have something in common with them,

954
00:57:48.960 --> 00:57:51.840
especially at the core of who you are.

955
00:57:51.840 --> 00:57:54.560
But you can marry a man who's a leader,

956
00:57:55.400 --> 00:57:57.200
who's a protector, who's a provider,

957
00:57:57.200 --> 00:58:01.240
who has something that you like being fun.

958
00:58:01.240 --> 00:58:02.960
He may want to travel.

959
00:58:02.960 --> 00:58:04.920
There can be some things that he may not have

960
00:58:04.920 --> 00:58:06.640
that main thing that you have,

961
00:58:06.640 --> 00:58:10.040
and you may have to build community outside of that man

962
00:58:10.040 --> 00:58:12.040
for that, but not only that,

963
00:58:12.040 --> 00:58:14.800
once he sees what makes you happy,

964
00:58:14.800 --> 00:58:18.200
he could possibly start to pick up on those things.

965
00:58:18.200 --> 00:58:20.920
That's not a promise, but I'm telling you

966
00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:23.160
that all the time, if I want to speak

967
00:58:23.160 --> 00:58:27.360
in the level of a husband, he doesn't have to be like you.

968
00:58:27.360 --> 00:58:29.720
I don't think you're asking him to be just like you.

969
00:58:29.720 --> 00:58:32.480
I believe that you like intelligent conversations.

970
00:58:32.480 --> 00:58:34.520
I enjoy intelligent conversations.

971
00:58:34.520 --> 00:58:36.440
And so if you're boring to me,

972
00:58:36.440 --> 00:58:38.320
that's what my boring is going to say.

973
00:58:38.320 --> 00:58:40.200
I am like you, I don't give you a plumber,

974
00:58:40.200 --> 00:58:41.520
teach me how to be a plumber.

975
00:58:41.520 --> 00:58:42.680
That's interesting to me.

976
00:58:42.680 --> 00:58:45.280
I ain't never been a plumber before, it's fun.

977
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:48.040
So I wanted to just see what it would be like

978
00:58:48.040 --> 00:58:51.560
after a week of intentionally having conversations with him,

979
00:58:51.560 --> 00:58:54.040
sharing with him the direction you want to go

980
00:58:54.040 --> 00:58:57.280
and see what you hear, see what he comes up with.

981
00:58:57.280 --> 00:59:00.400
You lead in the conversation and see how he feeds out of it,

982
00:59:00.400 --> 00:59:03.280
if he can join in, or if he's just super quiet

983
00:59:03.280 --> 00:59:04.640
and has nothing to say.

984
00:59:04.640 --> 00:59:06.640
And you may have tried that when you're out before

985
00:59:06.640 --> 00:59:07.760
and it didn't go anywhere.

986
00:59:07.760 --> 00:59:08.920
Like you said, you make your jokes,

987
00:59:08.920 --> 00:59:10.240
but he doesn't really get them.

988
00:59:10.240 --> 00:59:11.760
Well, it's okay if he doesn't get your jokes,

989
00:59:11.760 --> 00:59:13.720
because one day, let's just say,

990
00:59:13.720 --> 00:59:16.120
if it were to go somewhere, he'll know.

991
00:59:16.120 --> 00:59:17.680
You ever heard a woman say,

992
00:59:17.680 --> 00:59:21.400
I just go along with his jokes, he thinks they're so funny.

993
00:59:22.240 --> 00:59:24.120
That's no different than you showing up,

994
00:59:24.120 --> 00:59:26.360
being yourself and your husband doesn't say,

995
00:59:26.360 --> 00:59:28.320
okay, could you stop it with that?

996
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:29.880
That's not funny.

997
00:59:29.880 --> 00:59:32.240
Versus him letting you express yourself

998
00:59:32.240 --> 00:59:34.680
and do your funny jokes while he's sitting in the company

999
00:59:34.680 --> 00:59:36.960
of you because he enjoys you that much,

1000
00:59:36.960 --> 00:59:40.240
that he wants to hear your jokes that are not funny to him,

1001
00:59:40.240 --> 00:59:41.440
but are funny to you.

1002
00:59:41.440 --> 00:59:43.920
And you accept it in this space to be Heather.

1003
00:59:45.080 --> 00:59:49.640
Versus trying to squeeze that out of Heather.

1004
00:59:49.640 --> 00:59:50.480
Does that make sense?

1005
00:59:50.920 --> 00:59:53.240
To me, it makes no difference,

1006
00:59:53.240 --> 00:59:55.400
whether it's funny to you or you're my husband,

1007
00:59:56.440 --> 00:59:57.560
or do I care?

1008
00:59:59.840 --> 01:00:02.360
What is that being expressed that you have for him

1009
01:00:00.880 --> 01:00:06.000
I'm, I need to not always have to be the like, like some people

1010
01:00:03.240 --> 01:00:04.080
when he needs you?

1011
01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:07.920
And how do you build that effect to him?

1012
01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:08.080
never, they're always the planner, they're always the

1013
01:00:07.920 --> 01:00:09.640
When you don't care?

1014
01:00:08.080 --> 01:00:12.560
doer. And I need, and I need somebody to not to not be that

1015
01:00:09.640 --> 01:00:11.840
Because you don't care for another person.

1016
01:00:12.560 --> 01:00:15.880
person all the time. I never, I've always been the fixer. I've

1017
01:00:13.800 --> 01:00:14.640
It does.

1018
01:00:14.640 --> 01:00:15.440
It makes sense.

1019
01:00:15.880 --> 01:00:18.320
always been the person who has to take care whenever people

1020
01:00:17.040 --> 01:00:17.880
I think

1021
01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:20.960
fall apart. I don't want to have to be that person all the time.

1022
01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:26.040
And if I don't, like I have asked, I'm like, Well, what

1023
01:00:26.040 --> 01:00:28.400
books are you reading? Or what kind of things interest you? And

1024
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:31.400
I, I try to lead with conversation when we've talked

1025
01:00:31.400 --> 01:00:36.080
on the phone, even just to let him, you know, offer anything

1026
01:00:36.080 --> 01:00:41.440
that is on his interest level, I don't, I do weird, you know, I've

1027
01:00:41.600 --> 01:00:44.040
my career has had me doing things that people don't usually

1028
01:00:44.040 --> 01:00:49.680
understand anyway. So I'm used to that. So I don't mind. But I

1029
01:00:49.680 --> 01:00:52.920
don't know how long you can do that. I'm going to try it more

1030
01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:56.120
than but if it doesn't, it's but it's one thing to then he starts

1031
01:00:56.120 --> 01:00:57.520
talking and I'm still not addressing.

1032
01:00:58.160 --> 01:01:00.920
But, but that's what you're trying to figure out. But let's

1033
01:01:00.920 --> 01:01:04.760
say, yeah, let's talk about some of the first thing that you say

1034
01:01:05.440 --> 01:01:07.880
does he who plans the dates as he plans today?

1035
01:01:09.200 --> 01:01:13.240
Um, I've, he has when I've asked him, I'm like, do you want to

1036
01:01:13.240 --> 01:01:15.120
think of things where we can both come up with some things

1037
01:01:15.120 --> 01:01:19.200
and we come up with fun things to do. So he does he offers and

1038
01:01:19.360 --> 01:01:21.920
jumped in and he brought up some really fun things to do and I

1039
01:01:21.920 --> 01:01:25.800
picked a couple and it's been fine for activities.

1040
01:01:26.320 --> 01:01:29.760
Okay. Um, you disappeared. I always throws me out when I'm

1041
01:01:29.760 --> 01:01:38.000
here. And so this is what I want to say. I want you to be

1042
01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:42.160
comfortable what you're doing. So I'm not saying to you, drag

1043
01:01:42.160 --> 01:01:45.040
yourself along and do something else. I was just going to try

1044
01:01:45.040 --> 01:01:47.640
for one week to see how he operates. And I understand that

1045
01:01:47.640 --> 01:01:50.680
you feel tired of bringing things up. But Heather, if he

1046
01:01:50.680 --> 01:01:56.200
doesn't read books, he doesn't read books. Right. Okay. And so

1047
01:01:56.240 --> 01:01:59.080
this may be, you may have tried this. I don't know, you can

1048
01:01:59.080 --> 01:02:02.600
tell me. So this is not me just saying, I'm learning through

1049
01:02:02.600 --> 01:02:06.560
you, right? You may say, Hey, I've tried to talk, what

1050
01:02:06.560 --> 01:02:09.840
interests you? Let's talk about what interests you. And if he

1051
01:02:09.840 --> 01:02:12.680
says, whatever you want to talk about, then you say to him, Hey,

1052
01:02:12.680 --> 01:02:17.400
listen, I'm trying to see if we are compatible intellectually,

1053
01:02:18.240 --> 01:02:20.880
that you, we both bring something to the table that

1054
01:02:20.880 --> 01:02:25.240
provides conversation as a woman conversing and talking is

1055
01:02:25.240 --> 01:02:28.520
important to me. And so this is what I'm doing. We've been

1056
01:02:28.520 --> 01:02:31.600
dating three or four months, and I would like to see how

1057
01:02:31.600 --> 01:02:38.400
compatible we are in this area. And I can lead the conversation,

1058
01:02:38.400 --> 01:02:41.360
but I would enjoy you leading and what you're going to measure

1059
01:02:41.360 --> 01:02:44.800
there, not that he leads you to a good conversation, but how he

1060
01:02:44.840 --> 01:02:48.480
shows up without your direction after you've expressed your

1061
01:02:48.480 --> 01:02:52.480
design, because that's a real measurement of a thing. And that

1062
01:02:52.480 --> 01:02:56.880
tells you more about a man than him doing exactly what you want

1063
01:02:56.880 --> 01:03:00.400
is that he keeps trying. This woman wants to measure. She

1064
01:03:00.400 --> 01:03:03.440
likes to talk. Let me come up with something to talk about.

1065
01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:06.080
Even if he has to go be creative and go to Google and come up

1066
01:03:06.080 --> 01:03:09.320
with topics, it's good to see that in a minute, because it

1067
01:03:09.320 --> 01:03:14.480
tells you that he is teachable, right? That he does that. But in

1068
01:03:14.480 --> 01:03:17.320
by any means, when you get done thinking about what we just see

1069
01:03:17.320 --> 01:03:22.720
it, and if in you, you say, I don't want to do it, don't. Go

1070
01:03:22.720 --> 01:03:27.280
ahead and come up with a way that you want to exit growing

1071
01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:30.760
with him, what you're going to say, and then close it out and

1072
01:03:30.760 --> 01:03:33.200
keep moving. The longer you hang on, the more you want to hang

1073
01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:35.680
on because you do have a fun time. But guess what? Now

1074
01:03:35.680 --> 01:03:37.320
there's going to be somebody else that you're going to have a

1075
01:03:37.320 --> 01:03:41.600
fun time with. But with whoever it is, there's not going to be

1076
01:03:41.600 --> 01:03:45.720
A, B, C, D, E, F, G. But there will be, does he have a

1077
01:03:45.720 --> 01:03:48.880
teachable heart? There will be, is he a leader? It will be, is

1078
01:03:48.880 --> 01:03:51.480
he a provider? Is he a protector? There will be some

1079
01:03:51.480 --> 01:03:55.720
core things there that are mandatory. And then you measure,

1080
01:03:55.800 --> 01:03:59.360
can they grow in these other areas? You measure, can a person

1081
01:03:59.360 --> 01:04:03.240
grow based on what you share to them vulnerably about what you

1082
01:04:03.240 --> 01:04:08.600
desire and what you need? And then watch it over time. You

1083
01:04:08.720 --> 01:04:12.680
give it, a man can do anything for a week now. They good at

1084
01:04:12.680 --> 01:04:15.920
that. They will show their feathers for a week. But you

1085
01:04:15.920 --> 01:04:20.440
kind of give it a little time. And so that's what I'm saying to

1086
01:04:20.440 --> 01:04:23.200
you. But if you, if none of these things, like you feel like

1087
01:04:23.200 --> 01:04:27.840
I've tried all that, I'm not going to do it. No pressure. No

1088
01:04:27.840 --> 01:04:28.200
pressure.

1089
01:04:28.200 --> 01:04:31.000
No, I appreciate that. I haven't tried all of that. I've tried

1090
01:04:31.040 --> 01:04:36.400
some things along that direction. But I just don't

1091
01:04:36.440 --> 01:04:39.000
want to also, you know, that's that thing, right? We're all

1092
01:04:39.000 --> 01:04:41.080
responsible for our emotional well-being. But I also don't

1093
01:04:41.080 --> 01:04:44.400
want to lead a person into a space, knowing that I can't join

1094
01:04:44.400 --> 01:04:48.200
them there. And then they are there. Because I didn't do my

1095
01:04:48.200 --> 01:04:49.360
due diligence and get out.

1096
01:04:49.440 --> 01:04:53.040
Yeah. And so your due diligence is to tell him what you're

1097
01:04:53.040 --> 01:04:56.840
doing. We've been dating for a while, I have so much fun with

1098
01:04:56.840 --> 01:05:00.080
you. But one thing that I am concerned about is

1099
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.640
I am, my stimulation comes from intelligent conversations or however you want to say that.

1100
01:05:07.640 --> 01:05:13.000
You enjoy talking about things that bring knowledge and all such sorts, whatever you

1101
01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:14.000
want to say.

1102
01:05:14.000 --> 01:05:15.000
You're intelligent with words.

1103
01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:16.680
I know you'll know a way to say it.

1104
01:05:16.680 --> 01:05:22.280
And so say, I want to take the next couple of two or three weeks and just explore that

1105
01:05:22.280 --> 01:05:27.600
because I don't want us to move, try to keep moving forward if we're not going somewhere.

1106
01:05:27.600 --> 01:05:29.640
And I can sense your desires for me.

1107
01:05:29.640 --> 01:05:33.520
I understand that you do enjoy me and I enjoy our time together, but this is an important

1108
01:05:33.520 --> 01:05:35.560
piece to me.

1109
01:05:35.560 --> 01:05:39.160
And then you can always reiterate, I date with purpose.

1110
01:05:39.160 --> 01:05:43.360
And so I would never be a waster of your time or my time.

1111
01:05:43.360 --> 01:05:46.440
Vulnerability gets you far because it puts the cards out on the table.

1112
01:05:46.440 --> 01:05:53.320
So when you do have the other vulnerable conversation that says I've waited out and this is not

1113
01:05:53.320 --> 01:05:54.920
going to work best for me.

1114
01:05:54.920 --> 01:06:01.160
You're a great person and you know, but this is not going where this is not going to end

1115
01:06:01.160 --> 01:06:09.720
in a romantic relationship with us, which, what are your thoughts about what I just said?

1116
01:06:09.720 --> 01:06:12.800
You know, not you, but that's what you say.

1117
01:06:12.800 --> 01:06:19.760
That's how you have those conversations just in all in straight up vulnerability and you're

1118
01:06:19.760 --> 01:06:22.480
doing your part.

1119
01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:25.920
So ladies, I know I took a little more time with this.

1120
01:06:25.920 --> 01:06:26.920
Thank you.

1121
01:06:26.920 --> 01:06:27.920
That was very helpful.

1122
01:06:27.920 --> 01:06:28.920
You're welcome.

1123
01:06:28.920 --> 01:06:29.920
Yeah.

1124
01:06:29.920 --> 01:06:30.920
Let me know how it goes.

1125
01:06:30.920 --> 01:06:31.920
Okay.

1126
01:06:31.920 --> 01:06:34.680
I know I took a little more time, but I thought that was really, really good.

1127
01:06:34.680 --> 01:06:36.840
Now I think Felicia was next.

1128
01:06:36.840 --> 01:06:41.280
Where are you next Felicia?

1129
01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:43.880
Yep.

1130
01:06:43.880 --> 01:06:44.880
She was Crystal.

1131
01:06:44.880 --> 01:06:45.880
Okay.

1132
01:06:45.880 --> 01:06:46.880
Are you?

1133
01:06:46.880 --> 01:06:49.880
I'm not sure who was next.

1134
01:06:49.880 --> 01:06:50.880
Maybe.

1135
01:06:51.880 --> 01:06:52.880
I think it was you.

1136
01:06:52.880 --> 01:06:53.880
Do you want me to go?

1137
01:06:53.880 --> 01:06:54.880
Hi.

1138
01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:56.880
Well, first of all, I'm going to say I miss you.

1139
01:06:56.880 --> 01:06:57.880
I miss this Tuesday.

1140
01:06:57.880 --> 01:06:58.880
Where are you?

1141
01:06:58.880 --> 01:06:59.880
I don't see you.

1142
01:06:59.880 --> 01:07:00.880
Who, me?

1143
01:07:00.880 --> 01:07:01.880
Oh, there you are.

1144
01:07:01.880 --> 01:07:05.120
Oh, I'm going to miss this beautiful face.

1145
01:07:05.120 --> 01:07:06.680
I'm going to miss the voice.

1146
01:07:06.680 --> 01:07:07.880
I'm going to miss the coach.

1147
01:07:07.880 --> 01:07:09.880
Where are you going?

1148
01:07:09.880 --> 01:07:16.880
Well, I think it's time as I had said it a while back and Carla text me and kind of

1149
01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:17.880
tease me into it.

1150
01:07:17.880 --> 01:07:22.880
So I said, I think it's time to go on.

1151
01:07:22.880 --> 01:07:24.880
I don't want to, but I need to.

1152
01:07:24.880 --> 01:07:30.880
I don't think this character wise to keep holding up in this air when I can move on

1153
01:07:30.880 --> 01:07:31.880
and learn more.

1154
01:07:31.880 --> 01:07:32.880
Oh, to phase three.

1155
01:07:32.880 --> 01:07:33.880
Yes.

1156
01:07:33.880 --> 01:07:34.880
I thought you already went to phase three.

1157
01:07:34.880 --> 01:07:35.880
You know, you can always come over.

1158
01:07:35.880 --> 01:07:36.880
Oh, I can.

1159
01:07:36.880 --> 01:07:37.880
I never know that.

1160
01:07:37.880 --> 01:07:38.880
I thought when you go over, you can.

1161
01:07:38.880 --> 01:07:39.880
That was it.

1162
01:07:39.880 --> 01:07:40.880
Mandy's in phase three.

1163
01:07:40.880 --> 01:07:41.880
Oh, yeah.

1164
01:07:41.880 --> 01:07:42.880
And they come back to visit.

1165
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:43.880
Huh?

1166
01:07:43.880 --> 01:07:44.880
Yeah.

1167
01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:45.880
Oh, all right.

1168
01:07:45.880 --> 01:07:46.880
Now, I know.

1169
01:07:46.880 --> 01:07:47.880
I really do just appreciate you and the investment.

1170
01:07:47.880 --> 01:07:54.380
I do spend some time with Carla, but not much as you.

1171
01:07:54.380 --> 01:08:04.880
And just so much I have learned from you.

1172
01:08:04.880 --> 01:08:08.880
I walk around and just hear me and you.

1173
01:08:08.880 --> 01:08:09.880
Are you in me?

1174
01:08:09.880 --> 01:08:15.440
And I tell you, every time I come on coaching and I have to go back to dating, it's like

1175
01:08:15.440 --> 01:08:16.439
I'm challenged.

1176
01:08:16.439 --> 01:08:17.439
Yeah.

1177
01:08:17.439 --> 01:08:18.439
I am so challenged.

1178
01:08:18.439 --> 01:08:19.439
Yes.

1179
01:08:19.439 --> 01:08:20.439
I'm challenged.

1180
01:08:20.439 --> 01:08:22.439
Like, OK, how am I going to do this again?

1181
01:08:22.439 --> 01:08:27.359
How am I going to start over like I'm up here and I don't know how to come back down.

1182
01:08:27.359 --> 01:08:33.120
You know, but I want to also understand that, you know, he's not in coaching and I am.

1183
01:08:33.120 --> 01:08:35.520
So I'm going to hear things that he might not.

1184
01:08:35.520 --> 01:08:38.439
But you know, Brian is amazing.

1185
01:08:39.000 --> 01:08:40.000
He is.

1186
01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:43.000
And I did say yes to his exclusive.

1187
01:08:43.000 --> 01:08:44.000
But now I'm like, I'm missing.

1188
01:08:44.000 --> 01:08:45.000
No, I'm like that.

1189
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:46.000
I start asking my question.

1190
01:08:46.000 --> 01:08:54.120
I don't know if it's normal, like, oh, I didn't get to date a lot of people before.

1191
01:08:54.120 --> 01:08:57.200
I wanted to do that.

1192
01:08:57.200 --> 01:09:03.880
Like, can I just can I just be that girl where I can just date some people and just get the

1193
01:09:03.880 --> 01:09:04.880
experience?

1194
01:09:04.880 --> 01:09:06.560
I don't know what that was like.

1195
01:09:06.560 --> 01:09:07.560
But I wanted to do it.

1196
01:09:07.560 --> 01:09:08.560
Do it.

1197
01:09:08.560 --> 01:09:09.560
Please.

1198
01:09:09.560 --> 01:09:10.560
Yeah, you did that.

1199
01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:11.560
Oh, you having a lockdown syndrome.

1200
01:09:11.560 --> 01:09:17.040
Now that you have the market, you like, oh, I read it with us on the market.

1201
01:09:17.040 --> 01:09:19.040
Oh, baby, you dated plenty of people.

1202
01:09:19.040 --> 01:09:20.040
Oh, my God.

1203
01:09:20.040 --> 01:09:21.520
And then you start talking about online.

1204
01:09:21.520 --> 01:09:26.479
I'm like, oh, God, I miss the fun of that.

1205
01:09:26.479 --> 01:09:32.760
I don't know if you guys remember, but Felicia wouldn't even do online dating, which is when

1206
01:09:32.760 --> 01:09:33.760
you tell me.

1207
01:09:33.760 --> 01:09:34.760
I don't know.

1208
01:09:34.760 --> 01:09:35.760
Ebony.

1209
01:09:35.760 --> 01:09:36.760
I don't know about that.

1210
01:09:36.760 --> 01:09:37.760
I don't think I'm ready for that.

1211
01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:38.760
I just don't know.

1212
01:09:38.760 --> 01:09:39.760
I hear what you're saying.

1213
01:09:39.760 --> 01:09:40.760
I'll think about it.

1214
01:09:40.760 --> 01:09:45.640
And then one day she's like, I did it.

1215
01:09:45.640 --> 01:09:46.640
I know.

1216
01:09:46.640 --> 01:09:47.640
Ebony is amazing.

1217
01:09:47.640 --> 01:09:48.640
Believe her.

1218
01:09:48.640 --> 01:09:49.640
Whatever she said about it.

1219
01:09:49.640 --> 01:09:51.640
It's exactly what we're going to learn.

1220
01:09:51.640 --> 01:09:57.200
I get to learn so much from it and I get to I love when you say I get to love love.

1221
01:09:57.200 --> 01:09:58.200
What did you say about that?

1222
01:09:58.200 --> 01:09:59.200
I'd write it.

1223
01:09:59.200 --> 01:10:00.200
I can't go back.

1224
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.760
So online dating teach us to love who we are,

1225
01:10:00.200 --> 01:10:00.200


1226
01:10:03.760 --> 01:10:05.240
or love what we love.

1227
01:10:05.240 --> 01:10:06.440
Enjoy what we love.

1228
01:10:06.440 --> 01:10:07.780
Let me look.

1229
01:10:07.780 --> 01:10:09.800
I think if somebody else knows, will you put it in the chat?

1230
01:10:09.800 --> 01:10:11.400
Yeah, enjoy what we love.

1231
01:10:11.400 --> 01:10:12.480
Enjoy what we love.

1232
01:10:12.480 --> 01:10:17.360
Oh, we get to learn about, yes.

1233
01:10:17.360 --> 01:10:19.360
Learn about what we enjoy.

1234
01:10:19.360 --> 01:10:21.480
Learn about what we enjoy, exactly.

1235
01:10:21.480 --> 01:10:23.560
And my goodness, I get to learn.

1236
01:10:23.560 --> 01:10:25.980
Cause I might say, I didn't know what I like either.

1237
01:10:25.980 --> 01:10:28.040
I didn't, you know, I didn't know.

1238
01:10:28.040 --> 01:10:30.680
And I get to most of my, honestly,

1239
01:10:30.680 --> 01:10:33.680
my dating thing come from learning on online

1240
01:10:33.680 --> 01:10:34.980
and going on Facebook.

1241
01:10:34.980 --> 01:10:36.240
I could not get off Facebook.

1242
01:10:36.240 --> 01:10:38.680
Every time I try others, they just never work.

1243
01:10:38.680 --> 01:10:42.320
Facebook was it for me and it just worked for me.

1244
01:10:42.320 --> 01:10:43.580
It was really great.

1245
01:10:43.580 --> 01:10:45.840
But yeah, yes, I did say yes to him.

1246
01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:48.620
And you know, I can't find much that I can say

1247
01:10:48.620 --> 01:10:50.960
that I don't enjoy about Brian,

1248
01:10:50.960 --> 01:10:53.780
but there's one thing that's just kind of ticking at me.

1249
01:10:53.780 --> 01:10:55.120
And maybe you can help me with that,

1250
01:10:55.120 --> 01:10:57.960
is that he enjoys playing video game.

1251
01:10:58.720 --> 01:10:59.560
And I like to see the kid in him.

1252
01:10:59.560 --> 01:11:01.360
It's really nice when he does it

1253
01:11:01.360 --> 01:11:03.000
and I can sit and do my own stuff.

1254
01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:06.260
But he also liked to do the phone game too.

1255
01:11:06.260 --> 01:11:07.840
It's something he's been doing for years.

1256
01:11:07.840 --> 01:11:10.000
And I did ask him this question

1257
01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:13.000
that what's one of the hardest thing a woman will,

1258
01:11:13.000 --> 01:11:15.800
is challenge a woman about you, you know,

1259
01:11:15.800 --> 01:11:17.320
not liking or not enjoying.

1260
01:11:17.320 --> 01:11:19.680
And he said him playing his video games.

1261
01:11:19.680 --> 01:11:22.800
And I am wondering if it's, I'm very understanding.

1262
01:11:22.800 --> 01:11:24.760
And I know I can, I have my own hobbies

1263
01:11:24.760 --> 01:11:27.080
and I'm a busy girl all over the place too,

1264
01:11:27.120 --> 01:11:28.600
but I'm kind of wondering,

1265
01:11:28.600 --> 01:11:32.080
is that something that I will able to understand long-term?

1266
01:11:33.080 --> 01:11:35.020
Cause he enjoys it so much.

1267
01:11:35.920 --> 01:11:39.640
And one thing I want to say, he's emotionally present.

1268
01:11:39.640 --> 01:11:41.240
He's available.

1269
01:11:41.240 --> 01:11:43.100
He can be on that thing plane

1270
01:11:43.100 --> 01:11:45.600
and he hears everything I'm saying.

1271
01:11:45.600 --> 01:11:49.720
He knows when to get up and do something for me.

1272
01:11:49.720 --> 01:11:53.060
I mean, we work out together one day a week

1273
01:11:53.060 --> 01:11:55.480
and we also make a meal together one day a week.

1274
01:11:55.480 --> 01:11:58.800
And he's just present, but I'm just kind of wondering,

1275
01:11:58.800 --> 01:12:00.860
is this going to bother me long-term?

1276
01:12:02.620 --> 01:12:04.000
Is it?

1277
01:12:04.000 --> 01:12:04.840
I don't know.

1278
01:12:04.840 --> 01:12:06.000
I mean,

1279
01:12:06.000 --> 01:12:08.600
You do know, you know, you do.

1280
01:12:11.100 --> 01:12:12.560
It's either yes or no.

1281
01:12:12.560 --> 01:12:14.840
If you already have something on the inside of you

1282
01:12:14.840 --> 01:12:16.760
that says if a man plays video games,

1283
01:12:16.760 --> 01:12:18.600
it's kind of like grow up.

1284
01:12:18.600 --> 01:12:21.800
Like their thoughts, we think we don't know,

1285
01:12:21.800 --> 01:12:22.980
but we do know.

1286
01:12:22.980 --> 01:12:26.280
There's a thought you have about video games.

1287
01:12:26.280 --> 01:12:28.980
You measure how much time is he taking on the video game?

1288
01:12:28.980 --> 01:12:30.060
Because at some point,

1289
01:12:30.060 --> 01:12:31.860
you're going to want him to cut that video game off

1290
01:12:31.860 --> 01:12:33.100
and look you eye to eye.

1291
01:12:33.100 --> 01:12:34.540
Does he have the ability to do that?

1292
01:12:34.540 --> 01:12:35.820
It's not about what he can juggle

1293
01:12:35.820 --> 01:12:37.620
while he's playing the video game,

1294
01:12:37.620 --> 01:12:40.980
but at some point you're going to want that off eye to eye.

1295
01:12:41.860 --> 01:12:44.660
And if video games really do bother you at the core,

1296
01:12:44.660 --> 01:12:47.220
how many hours a day does he spend doing it?

1297
01:12:47.220 --> 01:12:49.700
And is he able to say,

1298
01:12:50.700 --> 01:12:53.820
okay, well, we're going on vacation

1299
01:12:53.820 --> 01:12:54.980
or this is not the time for that.

1300
01:12:54.980 --> 01:12:56.020
We need to deal with something.

1301
01:12:56.020 --> 01:12:57.980
So you can measure it by those things,

1302
01:12:57.980 --> 01:12:59.380
but you can be truthful.

1303
01:12:59.380 --> 01:13:01.300
For me, a man that plays video games,

1304
01:13:04.580 --> 01:13:06.420
for me, it's a turnout.

1305
01:13:07.660 --> 01:13:11.000
That's just for me, but it's not a deal breaker.

1306
01:13:11.000 --> 01:13:14.480
And because there's so many other measurements all around it.

1307
01:13:14.480 --> 01:13:16.080
So do you like it or not?

1308
01:13:16.080 --> 01:13:17.580
You can say yes or no.

1309
01:13:17.580 --> 01:13:18.420
Yes, I like it.

1310
01:13:18.420 --> 01:13:19.580
I mean, I like it.

1311
01:13:19.580 --> 01:13:20.420
I like it.

1312
01:13:20.420 --> 01:13:22.140
The one that he plays on the phone,

1313
01:13:22.140 --> 01:13:25.060
it helps him with his health benefit that he walks.

1314
01:13:25.060 --> 01:13:26.860
It makes him walk a lot.

1315
01:13:26.860 --> 01:13:28.260
So it does help him with that.

1316
01:13:28.260 --> 01:13:30.440
And he attach it to that.

1317
01:13:30.440 --> 01:13:32.100
So he can get up and go do his walk.

1318
01:13:32.100 --> 01:13:32.980
He walks a lot.

1319
01:13:32.980 --> 01:13:35.340
I work out a lot in the gym, he walks more,

1320
01:13:35.340 --> 01:13:37.660
but we're combining both of that together

1321
01:13:37.660 --> 01:13:39.940
where he work out one or two days with me

1322
01:13:39.940 --> 01:13:44.940
to do weight strengthening and I do walking too.

1323
01:13:45.220 --> 01:13:48.420
But I just was just thinking about it

1324
01:13:48.420 --> 01:13:49.980
if I think it's long-term,

1325
01:13:49.980 --> 01:13:51.920
if it's something that would be,

1326
01:13:53.460 --> 01:13:55.380
I would learn to understand.

1327
01:13:55.380 --> 01:13:57.340
Another thing, it's not about you learning

1328
01:13:57.340 --> 01:13:58.660
to understand though, Felicia.

1329
01:13:58.660 --> 01:14:01.260
It's about you deciding if I like it or not,

1330
01:14:01.260 --> 01:14:03.300
and am I willing to accept it?

1331
01:14:03.300 --> 01:14:05.460
If you keep saying, will you understand it?

1332
01:14:05.460 --> 01:14:07.460
That's what he likes to do.

1333
01:14:07.460 --> 01:14:08.300
Okay, okay, yeah.

1334
01:14:08.300 --> 01:14:11.140
It's not about do you understand why he likes it?

1335
01:14:11.140 --> 01:14:12.380
Because at some point you're gonna want him

1336
01:14:12.380 --> 01:14:14.920
to prove it to you or tell you why he likes it so much.

1337
01:14:15.900 --> 01:14:17.040
If you're trying to understand it.

1338
01:14:18.080 --> 01:14:20.000
You don't have to understand it to accept it.

1339
01:14:20.000 --> 01:14:22.720
It's either do you accept it or not?

1340
01:14:22.720 --> 01:14:25.240
Yeah, so how do I know that?

1341
01:14:25.240 --> 01:14:26.080
How do I, I mean-

1342
01:14:26.080 --> 01:14:27.360
You know right now.

1343
01:14:27.360 --> 01:14:28.520
Oh, now, okay.

1344
01:14:28.520 --> 01:14:31.320
You know right now if you like it or not.

1345
01:14:31.320 --> 01:14:33.120
Do you like it, yes or no?

1346
01:14:33.120 --> 01:14:34.200
I mean, I like it.

1347
01:14:34.200 --> 01:14:36.880
I do like it because I don't know how to be the kid.

1348
01:14:36.880 --> 01:14:40.480
I never know how to be that kid and to enjoy things

1349
01:14:40.480 --> 01:14:43.160
and to just rest my brain and stop always worrying

1350
01:14:43.160 --> 01:14:47.320
about what's the next, you know, I just don't know how

1351
01:14:47.320 --> 01:14:50.360
and I think it will help me how to just relax.

1352
01:14:50.360 --> 01:14:52.560
And I just don't know how to do that.

1353
01:14:52.560 --> 01:14:56.160
Cause I've never do the kid stuff when I was growing up.

1354
01:14:56.160 --> 01:14:59.760
Does he, yeah, but y'all are not kids anymore.

1355
01:14:59.760 --> 01:15:00.600
Okay.

1356
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.800
Bear that in mind, does he operate in purpose?

1357
01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:06.740
Oh, he is, he does.

1358
01:15:06.740 --> 01:15:09.560
Okay, so it's not a lack of when you see him

1359
01:15:09.560 --> 01:15:10.800
on the video game, you're thinking,

1360
01:15:10.800 --> 01:15:12.600
can't you be doing something else better with your time?

1361
01:15:12.600 --> 01:15:14.200
So he does operate in purpose,

1362
01:15:14.200 --> 01:15:16.040
not purpose and intentionality toward you,

1363
01:15:16.040 --> 01:15:17.760
but in his own life.

1364
01:15:17.760 --> 01:15:20.520
Does he have purposeful things that he's doing?

1365
01:15:20.520 --> 01:15:21.680
Yeah, he does.

1366
01:15:21.680 --> 01:15:23.680
Okay, and so that's one thing.

1367
01:15:23.680 --> 01:15:25.280
And then another thing is I have a friend,

1368
01:15:25.280 --> 01:15:26.960
her and her husband are very happily married

1369
01:15:26.960 --> 01:15:28.880
and he is a gamer.

1370
01:15:28.880 --> 01:15:31.840
And he's on the game, she being on the phone with me,

1371
01:15:31.840 --> 01:15:34.000
doing what she like, you know what I'm saying?

1372
01:15:34.000 --> 01:15:36.880
And it doesn't bother her at all that he's a gamer.

1373
01:15:36.880 --> 01:15:39.120
She accepts that he enjoys gaming.

1374
01:15:39.120 --> 01:15:41.800
That's how him and his sons bond, over gaming.

1375
01:15:41.800 --> 01:15:44.740
But he does not let one thing slack or lack in the house.

1376
01:15:44.740 --> 01:15:46.880
He cooks all the meals, he's always very present.

1377
01:15:46.880 --> 01:15:48.320
They do fun things together.

1378
01:15:48.320 --> 01:15:51.000
He doesn't choose a game over his family.

1379
01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:51.840
Right.

1380
01:15:51.840 --> 01:15:54.560
And so when you think about it, like she's not a gamer.

1381
01:15:54.560 --> 01:15:56.640
No, that's not what she likes or what she's into,

1382
01:15:56.640 --> 01:15:58.400
but she lets him have his hobby.

1383
01:15:58.920 --> 01:16:00.760
She lets him do the things that he likes to do.

1384
01:16:00.760 --> 01:16:02.200
And so that's just the way that it is.

1385
01:16:02.200 --> 01:16:04.160
So I don't want you to fight for understanding

1386
01:16:04.160 --> 01:16:06.900
more so saying, I may, I don't know.

1387
01:16:06.900 --> 01:16:08.320
That's his thing.

1388
01:16:08.320 --> 01:16:10.440
That's what you're saying, can I live with it?

1389
01:16:10.440 --> 01:16:12.400
If you can accept that that's the thing he likes to do,

1390
01:16:12.400 --> 01:16:14.440
you can live with it.

1391
01:16:14.440 --> 01:16:16.160
But if the thing that he does controls

1392
01:16:16.160 --> 01:16:17.480
all other parts of his life,

1393
01:16:17.480 --> 01:16:19.240
then that's gonna be hard for you to live with.

1394
01:16:19.240 --> 01:16:22.860
Well, of course, of course, of course, I do.

1395
01:16:22.860 --> 01:16:24.520
I do understand that.

1396
01:16:24.520 --> 01:16:26.640
Yeah, and so that's what I'm saying.

1397
01:16:26.640 --> 01:16:29.440
I know it's like, it is kind of cut and dry though.

1398
01:16:29.440 --> 01:16:32.160
It's not understanding, it's whether you accept it or not.

1399
01:16:32.160 --> 01:16:35.160
Even if you say I don't accept it and he's worth it,

1400
01:16:35.160 --> 01:16:37.000
you find a way to accept it.

1401
01:16:37.000 --> 01:16:38.440
Well, that's what I'm saying, right.

1402
01:16:38.440 --> 01:16:39.280
I do understand.

1403
01:16:39.280 --> 01:16:40.640
And I just love you so much

1404
01:16:40.640 --> 01:16:43.000
because you just give me a highlight.

1405
01:16:43.000 --> 01:16:43.840
I do.

1406
01:16:43.840 --> 01:16:44.760
You know, because you know, as a woman,

1407
01:16:44.760 --> 01:16:46.800
I can just think, do I understand it?

1408
01:16:46.800 --> 01:16:48.840
Am I gonna live with it?

1409
01:16:48.840 --> 01:16:51.160
Will I tolerate, you know, all that stuff we're going on

1410
01:16:51.160 --> 01:16:52.560
with, because that's what I'm saying.

1411
01:16:52.560 --> 01:16:53.800
Is it gonna be a problem?

1412
01:16:53.800 --> 01:16:55.440
Is it one thing I can accept?

1413
01:16:55.440 --> 01:16:58.040
And then later on, I'm like, okay, I don't like this thing.

1414
01:16:58.040 --> 01:16:59.920
You know, that's not, that's not right.

1415
01:16:59.920 --> 01:17:00.760
You know?

1416
01:17:00.760 --> 01:17:01.720
Yeah, it's gonna be real hard.

1417
01:17:01.720 --> 01:17:02.560
Right.

1418
01:17:02.560 --> 01:17:04.800
So you helped me to, to understand this.

1419
01:17:04.800 --> 01:17:08.400
And I think basically that's just one of the things

1420
01:17:08.400 --> 01:17:09.320
I was thinking about.

1421
01:17:09.320 --> 01:17:11.800
And he get to, like I said, bond with his kids with it.

1422
01:17:11.800 --> 01:17:13.160
My kids, they're gamers too.

1423
01:17:13.160 --> 01:17:14.960
And let me tell you, they're excited to meet him

1424
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:16.880
because I used to throw their things away

1425
01:17:16.880 --> 01:17:18.880
and they're like, no mom, you understand.

1426
01:17:21.680 --> 01:17:24.240
Oh, see, oh, this is interesting then.

1427
01:17:24.240 --> 01:17:26.600
Yeah, my two girls, my two girls love that.

1428
01:17:26.600 --> 01:17:28.880
And they, they, they already like, you know,

1429
01:17:28.880 --> 01:17:31.320
just like, oh mom, no, you will understand it.

1430
01:17:31.320 --> 01:17:32.520
Cause I used to just take their stuff

1431
01:17:32.520 --> 01:17:35.160
and throw it in the trash when it's in my couch.

1432
01:17:36.600 --> 01:17:37.480
I didn't understand it.

1433
01:17:37.480 --> 01:17:38.720
Like get it out of my couch.

1434
01:17:38.720 --> 01:17:39.560
I need to sit.

1435
01:17:39.560 --> 01:17:41.240
So basically that's it.

1436
01:17:41.240 --> 01:17:44.200
So I did say yes to him, but that was one of my concern.

1437
01:17:44.200 --> 01:17:47.720
And, and sometime I don't know if I'm, I don't know.

1438
01:17:47.720 --> 01:17:50.240
Sometime I'm like, I'm like high and I'm low

1439
01:17:50.240 --> 01:17:51.400
and it kind of bothers him.

1440
01:17:51.400 --> 01:17:53.920
He said, he don't know when I'm low, what's going on.

1441
01:17:54.600 --> 01:17:55.440
He's like all over the place.

1442
01:17:55.440 --> 01:17:56.720
And I, I don't communicate.

1443
01:17:56.720 --> 01:17:59.440
I never knew that I, I thought I was a communicator.

1444
01:17:59.440 --> 01:18:01.160
He said, I don't communicate with him

1445
01:18:01.160 --> 01:18:02.560
and let him know what's going on.

1446
01:18:02.560 --> 01:18:04.600
Then he's like, what did he do?

1447
01:18:04.600 --> 01:18:07.320
I mean, did I, did I quit on him?

1448
01:18:07.320 --> 01:18:09.640
You know, I never know it was so bad

1449
01:18:09.640 --> 01:18:11.280
when I get either high or low,

1450
01:18:11.280 --> 01:18:13.600
I don't have that balance, that middle place

1451
01:18:13.600 --> 01:18:16.160
where I'm either in or out.

1452
01:18:16.160 --> 01:18:17.680
Yeah.

1453
01:18:17.680 --> 01:18:19.480
And one thing you can tell him is that,

1454
01:18:19.480 --> 01:18:22.480
hey, I never even knew I showed up like this.

1455
01:18:22.480 --> 01:18:23.920
Thank you for pointing out,

1456
01:18:23.920 --> 01:18:27.200
but I want you to know that if I do show up low

1457
01:18:27.200 --> 01:18:29.400
and there's something happening with you and I,

1458
01:18:29.400 --> 01:18:32.280
I want you to be assured that I honor you enough

1459
01:18:32.280 --> 01:18:34.080
to tell you what the problem is

1460
01:18:34.080 --> 01:18:36.400
and I wouldn't leave you out to dry.

1461
01:18:36.400 --> 01:18:38.560
So that means he needs assurance

1462
01:18:38.560 --> 01:18:41.080
because he believes in how you show up

1463
01:18:41.080 --> 01:18:42.440
is something about him.

1464
01:18:42.440 --> 01:18:43.360
He doesn't have a coach

1465
01:18:43.360 --> 01:18:45.320
and he probably hasn't gone through any type of healing

1466
01:18:45.320 --> 01:18:46.560
and hard work for that.

1467
01:18:46.560 --> 01:18:47.840
It creates a codependency.

1468
01:18:47.840 --> 01:18:49.400
So you're, you're like this,

1469
01:18:49.400 --> 01:18:51.920
then he's learned that this has something to do with me.

1470
01:18:51.920 --> 01:18:53.240
But you can tell him, hey,

1471
01:18:53.240 --> 01:18:55.360
I honor you so much as a man

1472
01:18:55.360 --> 01:18:57.280
and the way you've shown up in my life,

1473
01:18:57.280 --> 01:18:59.840
that if it was ever something about you,

1474
01:18:59.840 --> 01:19:01.560
I know that you want to know

1475
01:19:01.560 --> 01:19:02.600
and I'll tell you,

1476
01:19:02.600 --> 01:19:05.280
even if I have to write it in a text message.

1477
01:19:05.280 --> 01:19:08.960
So just know I'm learning how to balance out myself.

1478
01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:11.200
So he needs some assurance in that area.

1479
01:19:13.040 --> 01:19:13.880
Right.

1480
01:19:13.880 --> 01:19:15.080
And we did something like what you said.

1481
01:19:15.080 --> 01:19:16.280
I did let him know that.

1482
01:19:16.280 --> 01:19:17.760
And we talk about one thing,

1483
01:19:17.760 --> 01:19:20.000
we can talk about anything and I love that about him.

1484
01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:21.360
He's so adaptable.

1485
01:19:21.760 --> 01:19:23.760
We can work through things and we can talk through things

1486
01:19:23.760 --> 01:19:25.080
and that's great.

1487
01:19:25.080 --> 01:19:26.400
That's really a-

1488
01:19:26.400 --> 01:19:28.560
I'm gonna put my shoes on top, Brody.

1489
01:19:29.520 --> 01:19:30.360
Let's see.

1490
01:19:30.360 --> 01:19:31.320
I need the help.

1491
01:19:31.320 --> 01:19:32.880
I need the help to continue still.

1492
01:19:32.880 --> 01:19:34.080
So I'll go to see Jackie

1493
01:19:34.080 --> 01:19:35.400
and I'll come back to you when I need.

1494
01:19:35.400 --> 01:19:36.400
Oh, I'm crying.

1495
01:19:36.400 --> 01:19:37.240
Help.

1496
01:19:39.280 --> 01:19:41.280
No, we're so excited for you to leave here.

1497
01:19:41.280 --> 01:19:42.120
Thank you so much.

1498
01:19:42.120 --> 01:19:44.400
And I'll see you when I will see you again.

1499
01:19:44.400 --> 01:19:45.240
Thank you.

1500
01:19:45.240 --> 01:19:46.080
See you again.

1501
01:19:46.080 --> 01:19:46.920
You're welcome.

1502
01:19:46.920 --> 01:19:47.760
Okay.

1503
01:19:48.920 --> 01:19:51.000
I got, I don't know.

1504
01:19:51.680 --> 01:19:53.280
Was it Kim?

1505
01:19:53.280 --> 01:19:56.280
Was it you next Kim?

1506
01:19:56.280 --> 01:19:57.840
Was it Joanne next?

1507
01:19:57.840 --> 01:19:59.320
Crystal though.

1508
01:19:59.320 --> 01:20:00.160
Go Crystal.

1509
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.200
Hey, appreciate the time.

1510
01:20:06.200 --> 01:20:13.760
Hey, yeah, really like to hearing for Felicia and Heather and just gaining insights.

1511
01:20:13.760 --> 01:20:20.840
So my question is, um, I'm not, it's not a relationship, but I've started talking with

1512
01:20:20.840 --> 01:20:27.320
a guy and it, it really kind of just started out.

1513
01:20:27.320 --> 01:20:32.440
We were in the same conference together for a week and he made a suggestion on some other

1514
01:20:32.440 --> 01:20:41.120
things that he thought I might benefit from, but they've been like two hour conversations.

1515
01:20:41.120 --> 01:20:46.040
I don't, I'm not feeling like romantic interest.

1516
01:20:46.040 --> 01:20:53.400
My concern is sometimes I've done this before in the past where it's not at first and then

1517
01:20:53.400 --> 01:20:58.280
it is sense.

1518
01:20:58.280 --> 01:21:03.400
So I'm, I'm thinking, should I guard my heart now?

1519
01:21:03.400 --> 01:21:07.240
Um, do I continue in these conversations?

1520
01:21:07.240 --> 01:21:09.840
Do I limit them?

1521
01:21:09.840 --> 01:21:20.400
Um, no, what you do is you say he starts at one way, but he also ends up another way with

1522
01:21:20.400 --> 01:21:21.880
romantic conversations.

1523
01:21:21.880 --> 01:21:25.480
Even though he does, no, no, no, no.

1524
01:21:25.480 --> 01:21:27.800
He right now, it's friendship.

1525
01:21:27.800 --> 01:21:29.840
It's not, there's not romantic conversations.

1526
01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:37.440
I'm saying what happens in my heart sometimes is that I start out in conversations and you

1527
01:21:37.440 --> 01:21:40.360
know, it's like, Hmm, he's a friend.

1528
01:21:40.360 --> 01:21:47.040
And then I'm further down and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm romantically interested in him.

1529
01:21:47.040 --> 01:21:51.560
And I've had two hour conversation, two hour conversations, but at the start I don't feel

1530
01:21:51.560 --> 01:21:52.560
that way.

1531
01:21:52.560 --> 01:21:53.560
Does that make sense?

1532
01:21:53.560 --> 01:21:54.560
Yes.

1533
01:21:54.560 --> 01:21:57.680
So I'm thinking, okay, do I guard my heart now?

1534
01:21:57.680 --> 01:22:03.880
I don't know if it's going to romantically, if there's going to be an interest later on,

1535
01:22:03.880 --> 01:22:07.560
but right now I just feel a friendship towards him.

1536
01:22:07.560 --> 01:22:12.960
I feel, I appreciate his advice, his counsel, um, some of the things that he's referred

1537
01:22:12.960 --> 01:22:13.960
me to.

1538
01:22:13.960 --> 01:22:22.240
Um, but I'm also like, Hmm, you've done this before where you've had conversations and

1539
01:22:22.240 --> 01:22:27.440
then further down the road, you're, Oh my gosh, I like this guy.

1540
01:22:27.440 --> 01:22:30.400
And I like him as a friend.

1541
01:22:30.400 --> 01:22:37.640
I don't, I don't, I guess I don't know him well enough to say there's a romantic interest.

1542
01:22:37.640 --> 01:22:40.360
There's, I just don't know him that well.

1543
01:22:40.360 --> 01:22:43.760
How long have you been talking to him?

1544
01:22:43.760 --> 01:22:48.760
Um, it was in January, so it hadn't been that long.

1545
01:22:48.760 --> 01:22:50.440
We were at a conference.

1546
01:22:50.440 --> 01:22:52.320
We were at a conference for a week.

1547
01:22:52.320 --> 01:22:53.320
It was a week long conference.

1548
01:22:53.320 --> 01:22:54.320
Yeah.

1549
01:22:54.320 --> 01:22:56.200
I saw him every day.

1550
01:22:56.200 --> 01:23:04.760
We talked every day and then afterwards, um, he called and said, I'm just checking on you.

1551
01:23:04.760 --> 01:23:05.760
See how you're doing.

1552
01:23:05.760 --> 01:23:08.760
Oh, so he likes you.

1553
01:23:09.160 --> 01:23:13.160
Well, I, I honestly, I don't know.

1554
01:23:13.160 --> 01:23:23.520
I, I feel like he has a lot of friends and he checks up on people, but he does that with,

1555
01:23:23.520 --> 01:23:28.000
I mean, there was a couple there, he calls them and he's, he's like, Hey, I want to encourage

1556
01:23:28.000 --> 01:23:33.960
you crystal, you know, to, to build a solid tribe around you and have people that are

1557
01:23:33.960 --> 01:23:34.960
speaking into your life.

1558
01:23:34.960 --> 01:23:48.000
And, um, so I'm just kind of, I've just known in the past, I have, um, had conversations

1559
01:23:48.000 --> 01:23:52.960
and it felt like friendships and then further down, it's like, because I guess the more

1560
01:23:52.960 --> 01:23:57.520
you get to know somebody, then you find out, Hey, oh my gosh, I do like you.

1561
01:23:57.520 --> 01:23:59.320
And then what do you do at that juncture?

1562
01:23:59.320 --> 01:24:00.320
Right.

1563
01:24:00.320 --> 01:24:01.800
This is what you do.

1564
01:24:01.800 --> 01:24:02.800
So I hear you.

1565
01:24:02.960 --> 01:24:06.680
What happens when you're talking to a person and getting to know them and y'all start out

1566
01:24:06.680 --> 01:24:10.080
as friends and you're like, Oh, I think I could be interested in liking him.

1567
01:24:10.080 --> 01:24:14.200
The first moment you sense that the first moment you've made a pattern out of talking

1568
01:24:14.200 --> 01:24:17.360
to this person, you can't wait till they call or you're waiting on them to call.

1569
01:24:17.360 --> 01:24:19.400
Like all these patterns, they happen, right?

1570
01:24:19.400 --> 01:24:20.600
They develop.

1571
01:24:20.600 --> 01:24:25.440
So what you need to do is you have to tell them like, I've been talking to you so much.

1572
01:24:25.440 --> 01:24:29.280
I think that there is an interest beyond friendship here.

1573
01:24:29.280 --> 01:24:36.000
Um, would you like to, uh, is this something that you feel the same way about?

1574
01:24:36.000 --> 01:24:37.320
And they're going to say yes or no.

1575
01:24:37.320 --> 01:24:42.200
And if they say yes, you'll say, well, let's grab a cup of coffee and kind of see, you

1576
01:24:42.200 --> 01:24:43.720
know, let's talk about it.

1577
01:24:43.720 --> 01:24:47.200
If they say no, say, okay, this completely acceptable.

1578
01:24:47.200 --> 01:24:49.800
And you can tell them beforehand, like no pressure.

1579
01:24:49.800 --> 01:24:54.440
I'm going to say something to you and there's absolutely no pressure for you to respond

1580
01:24:54.440 --> 01:24:56.520
a way that I want you to respond.

1581
01:24:56.520 --> 01:25:00.120
But as I've been getting to know you as a friend, you're a really.

1582
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.680
I think that you're a pretty great guy, and I would like to know you or get to know you

1583
01:25:04.680 --> 01:25:05.680
beyond friendship.

1584
01:25:05.680 --> 01:25:08.280
Is this something you will be interested in?

1585
01:25:08.280 --> 01:25:11.160
And then you repeat, like I said, there is no pressure.

1586
01:25:11.160 --> 01:25:12.720
You won't hurt my feelings.

1587
01:25:12.720 --> 01:25:15.120
Then he's going to say yes or no.

1588
01:25:15.120 --> 01:25:20.920
If he says no, say thank you so much for being honest and say, now, don't take this the wrong

1589
01:25:20.920 --> 01:25:25.000
way, but because I am a woman and I've found out that I like you, I'm going to have to

1590
01:25:25.000 --> 01:25:32.320
cut back our conversations because I like you, and so that's not going to work.

1591
01:25:32.320 --> 01:25:39.200
So I have to take the necessary steps to savage the friendship that we have while also dealing

1592
01:25:39.200 --> 01:25:44.240
with my feelings of liking you so they won't move forward.

1593
01:25:44.240 --> 01:25:45.560
Okay.

1594
01:25:45.560 --> 01:25:46.960
That sounds really good.

1595
01:25:46.960 --> 01:25:52.080
And that's how you handle that, and that's just how you show up authentically yourself.

1596
01:25:53.080 --> 01:25:55.880
Yeah, because I don't want to go in guarded.

1597
01:25:55.880 --> 01:25:58.600
I don't know.

1598
01:25:58.600 --> 01:26:06.400
Recently there was an exposure of this one prophet and then somebody else, and I went

1599
01:26:06.400 --> 01:26:10.560
to bed that night after watching a series of things and just crying and praying and

1600
01:26:10.560 --> 01:26:16.080
saying, you know, all these people in my life started popping up that had deceived me.

1601
01:26:16.080 --> 01:26:21.120
And the next morning the Lord took me to Genesis.

1602
01:26:21.120 --> 01:26:28.600
He said, look at Laban, look at Rebecca and look at Jacob because they were all deceivers.

1603
01:26:28.600 --> 01:26:32.160
I don't want you to focus on the deceivers.

1604
01:26:32.160 --> 01:26:35.920
I want you to focus on me and I'll walk you through it.

1605
01:26:35.920 --> 01:26:41.840
And so that's why I'm kind of like, Father, I almost feel like I'm wanting to guard my

1606
01:26:41.840 --> 01:26:45.520
heart in advance and it's like, but I want to live authentically.

1607
01:26:45.520 --> 01:26:47.520
So I appreciate your answer.

1608
01:26:47.520 --> 01:26:49.080
Oh, good.

1609
01:26:49.080 --> 01:26:50.080
Yeah.

1610
01:26:50.080 --> 01:26:51.080
Yeah.

1611
01:26:51.080 --> 01:26:52.560
That's really good word that the Lord gave you.

1612
01:26:52.560 --> 01:26:56.280
And I think this would be good for you because just because there are people in the world

1613
01:26:56.280 --> 01:27:02.960
who deceive and betray, we don't have to take the option of not showing up as ourselves.

1614
01:27:02.960 --> 01:27:06.560
Vulnerability, not telling somebody about your business vulnerability, but vulnerably

1615
01:27:06.560 --> 01:27:11.440
showing up as yourself actually guards you against betrayal.

1616
01:27:11.440 --> 01:27:16.040
It actually guards you against someone taking advantage of you because you're showing up

1617
01:27:16.040 --> 01:27:17.040
as yourself.

1618
01:27:17.040 --> 01:27:22.560
And when something is off kilter, you are able to detect it and say, Hey, you just did

1619
01:27:22.560 --> 01:27:23.560
that.

1620
01:27:23.560 --> 01:27:25.160
It felt strange.

1621
01:27:25.160 --> 01:27:26.480
Some boundary was crossed.

1622
01:27:26.480 --> 01:27:31.280
I'm not sure what it is right now, but let's not do that thing again until I discover what's

1623
01:27:31.280 --> 01:27:32.280
happening.

1624
01:27:32.280 --> 01:27:35.440
That's the, that's what vulnerability gets you.

1625
01:27:35.440 --> 01:27:36.520
Okay.

1626
01:27:36.520 --> 01:27:37.960
One other thing, Ebony.

1627
01:27:37.960 --> 01:27:44.640
So as you were sharing that, I tried to record it and I don't think it recorded because you'll

1628
01:27:44.640 --> 01:27:46.960
say things in here and I'm like, brilliant.

1629
01:27:46.960 --> 01:27:50.760
And then I'll get off the call and I'll go, what did she say?

1630
01:27:50.760 --> 01:27:51.760
No.

1631
01:27:51.760 --> 01:27:52.760
Yeah.

1632
01:27:52.760 --> 01:27:53.760
Yeah.

1633
01:27:53.760 --> 01:27:56.000
So is this taped?

1634
01:27:56.000 --> 01:27:57.000
Like can you?

1635
01:27:57.000 --> 01:27:58.800
It is recorded.

1636
01:27:58.800 --> 01:27:59.800
You can go back.

1637
01:27:59.800 --> 01:28:06.040
What you can do is if you don't want to hear all this, so listen through the whole thing.

1638
01:28:06.560 --> 01:28:11.920
One thing you can do is you can post it on the wall and tell me to give you their response.

1639
01:28:11.920 --> 01:28:12.920
Okay.

1640
01:28:12.920 --> 01:28:18.040
And just put on there, Hey Ebony, tell me how I, whatever.

1641
01:28:18.040 --> 01:28:21.800
Tell a person that I'm becoming emotionally attached and then I'll type it out in the

1642
01:28:21.800 --> 01:28:22.800
thing.

1643
01:28:22.800 --> 01:28:23.800
Awesome.

1644
01:28:23.800 --> 01:28:24.800
Okay.

1645
01:28:24.800 --> 01:28:25.800
That's all.

1646
01:28:25.800 --> 01:28:26.800
All right.

1647
01:28:26.800 --> 01:28:27.800
Sounds good.

1648
01:28:27.800 --> 01:28:28.800
All right.

1649
01:28:28.800 --> 01:28:29.800
Great.

1650
01:28:29.800 --> 01:28:30.800
You're welcome.

1651
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:31.800
Okay.

1652
01:28:31.800 --> 01:28:32.800
And Crystal was next.

1653
01:28:32.800 --> 01:28:33.800
Was it Kim after Crystal?

1654
01:28:33.800 --> 01:28:34.800
Joanne and then Kim.

1655
01:28:34.800 --> 01:28:35.800
Thank you.

1656
01:28:36.560 --> 01:28:37.560
Thank you.

1657
01:28:37.560 --> 01:28:38.560
Everyone's keeping up with this.

1658
01:28:38.560 --> 01:28:39.560
Great.

1659
01:28:39.560 --> 01:28:42.080
Joanne, tell us about the day where you showed up as yourself.

1660
01:28:42.080 --> 01:28:43.080
Oh yeah.

1661
01:28:43.080 --> 01:28:44.080
It was good.

1662
01:28:44.080 --> 01:28:45.080
Um, yeah, it was really good.

1663
01:28:45.080 --> 01:28:46.080
I'm just, yeah, it was good.

1664
01:28:46.080 --> 01:28:57.080
I, it was, it was really interesting because, cause I'm a singer and at the end it was so

1665
01:28:57.080 --> 01:29:04.160
interesting cause I, I bumped into, um, the guy who backs me up playing guitar and it's

1666
01:29:04.240 --> 01:29:05.240
my home, hometown.

1667
01:29:05.240 --> 01:29:06.720
Like I know everybody.

1668
01:29:06.720 --> 01:29:09.080
And so he was with me, Jay.

1669
01:29:09.080 --> 01:29:14.760
And then, so then I ended up singing and it was so interesting cause I'm like singing

1670
01:29:14.760 --> 01:29:20.560
four love songs and I'm like, okay, I try to look at you, but not look at you.

1671
01:29:20.560 --> 01:29:23.840
And I don't want to be, you know, cause it was our first day.

1672
01:29:23.840 --> 01:29:32.240
Um, it went well and I actually gave him some feedback cause he, he was very interested.

1673
01:29:32.320 --> 01:29:37.800
Um, and basically I've had, I have a few talks with him afterwards.

1674
01:29:37.800 --> 01:29:40.400
Like he's a really good guy.

1675
01:29:40.400 --> 01:29:46.040
I just noticed he wasn't really asking me many questions and like he would interject

1676
01:29:46.040 --> 01:29:48.760
like when he did ask me a question that he would bring back to himself.

1677
01:29:48.760 --> 01:29:53.200
But when I told him, Hey, I noticed that this is something I need a guy who's a good listener.

1678
01:29:53.200 --> 01:29:56.920
He actually took that really well and appreciated.

1679
01:29:56.920 --> 01:29:59.840
He's showing me that he's a very teachable guy.

1680
01:29:59.840 --> 01:30:00.840
Yeah.

1681
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:09.000
My concern is more like two things. I would say I tend to have an issue with

1682
01:30:09.000 --> 01:30:14.360
pacing. I tend to get attached too quickly. Especially when guys are

1683
01:30:14.360 --> 01:30:21.960
showing interest like straight up. Like basically he's like ready to be

1684
01:30:21.960 --> 01:30:30.440
exclusive with me. Who? This guy. After one day he wants to be exclusive. I don't

1685
01:30:30.440 --> 01:30:33.960
think he means I want to be your we're ready to be boyfriend-girlfriend but

1686
01:30:33.960 --> 01:30:40.120
he's not like I want to see other women. You know he's more like I want to just

1687
01:30:40.120 --> 01:30:48.000
see you and he really he's really interested in me. So which is scary but

1688
01:30:48.000 --> 01:30:51.760
also like flattering and I've noticed like we've had some really good

1689
01:30:51.760 --> 01:30:59.240
conversations since and I feel like it pulls me in but then it also activates

1690
01:30:59.240 --> 01:31:04.360
kind of the anxious attachment tendencies. How long have y'all been

1691
01:31:04.360 --> 01:31:07.680
getting to know each other? Oh it's so short. I mean like well we started

1692
01:31:07.680 --> 01:31:12.960
talking a month ago but I was sick and so he waited for like a month before we

1693
01:31:12.960 --> 01:31:17.480
can get on a video. So everything was through the app and I was just like you

1694
01:31:17.480 --> 01:31:22.040
know getting to know him through you know questions and stuff and I met him

1695
01:31:22.040 --> 01:31:26.120
for the first I mean I video called we video called last Friday and then we met

1696
01:31:26.120 --> 01:31:31.520
up Saturday but we've been talking almost every day. That's a lot. It's like

1697
01:31:31.520 --> 01:31:35.160
actually a lot. Today I haven't really talked to him much it was just like one

1698
01:31:35.160 --> 01:31:41.400
quick yeah but that activates my attachment style where I'm like oh my

1699
01:31:41.400 --> 01:31:46.280
gosh like because I've had really bad experience with guys being really really

1700
01:31:46.400 --> 01:31:52.080
intense and feeling like I'm the one and like they're just like whether I'm the

1701
01:31:52.080 --> 01:31:56.200
one or not the one they're just really intense and want to pursue me you know

1702
01:31:56.200 --> 01:32:01.960
and they're very clear that they like me so it kind of like it triggers some

1703
01:32:01.960 --> 01:32:06.400
fears in me like oh I this feels so good but is this really true is this really

1704
01:32:06.400 --> 01:32:14.800
real and this is so early. I you know so I feel a little conflicted and then also

1705
01:32:14.800 --> 01:32:21.960
like I'm also kind of wondering too about him because he he's been divorced

1706
01:32:21.960 --> 01:32:28.600
only a year and a half and I just don't know how healed he is like he's very

1707
01:32:28.600 --> 01:32:35.320
motivated to get married again and and he's how long was he married oh a long

1708
01:32:35.320 --> 01:32:40.240
time 23 years right so person who's been married is used to being married they're

1709
01:32:40.240 --> 01:32:49.320
not used to having girlfriends yeah he doesn't know another way he had a wife

1710
01:32:49.320 --> 01:32:55.600
for 23 years yeah so his mind is not seeing another Avenue another way he

1711
01:32:55.600 --> 01:33:03.800
wants a wife so I'm just telling you so you don't have to fear it you can bring

1712
01:33:03.800 --> 01:33:10.440
balance because that's what he knows it's a wife yeah I don't know how to

1713
01:33:10.440 --> 01:33:14.520
because I have a problem I mean I told her I don't I'm not ready for

1714
01:33:14.520 --> 01:33:20.480
exclusivity I told him that I'm not ready and I said that you know I may

1715
01:33:20.480 --> 01:33:26.200
still go on other dates and he didn't like that but you know and no that was

1716
01:33:26.200 --> 01:33:30.960
good you told him that yeah let me let me add this to what you're saying Crystal

1717
01:33:30.960 --> 01:33:34.440
X is one in a wife the same as marriage-minded yes the same as

1718
01:33:34.440 --> 01:33:40.640
marriage-minded but marriage-minded comes with wisdom but yes that's me he's

1719
01:33:40.640 --> 01:33:50.160
this person is marriage-minded yeah yeah so Joanne because I'm about to spew

1720
01:33:50.160 --> 01:33:54.240
things out to say back so what's your question because I want to stay within

1721
01:33:54.240 --> 01:33:58.600
the confines of whatever your question is you're gonna ask me oh you can say

1722
01:33:58.600 --> 01:34:07.120
stuff it's just how do I pace myself well with the situation and be I think I

1723
01:34:07.120 --> 01:34:12.440
tend to be back and forth back and forth where I'm like I like this but I'm

1724
01:34:12.440 --> 01:34:16.520
scared but I don't even know how I feel why do I need this reassurance from him

1725
01:34:16.520 --> 01:34:22.120
I'm just like I think I'm like is this too is like I'm discerning is this

1726
01:34:22.120 --> 01:34:28.520
intense is this a bad pattern or is this like I don't know I'm not sure

1727
01:34:28.520 --> 01:34:35.080
yes Ernie I'm discerning okay so we you don't have to discern right now we can

1728
01:34:35.080 --> 01:34:41.360
actually just operate out for wisdom okay so that anxiousness in you when

1729
01:34:41.360 --> 01:34:45.960
somebody wants you is actually an inside job you have to remind yourself that you

1730
01:34:45.960 --> 01:34:53.720
are desirable and that people do want you and that you want yourself because

1731
01:34:53.720 --> 01:34:57.960
you get excited because a man wants you that means you something you didn't

1732
01:34:57.960 --> 01:35:01.080
believe that you're wantable

1733
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.520
Attracted. Oh, it's like they chose me. They chose. That's a real thing

1734
01:35:06.000 --> 01:35:10.600
Most all women have that thought you want me you chose me even though you know

1735
01:35:10.600 --> 01:35:13.720
You talk to people that want you even though you know all these things

1736
01:35:13.720 --> 01:35:16.800
There's something that jumps and leaps on the inside of you. He wants me

1737
01:35:17.280 --> 01:35:24.680
He already wants me. He likes me. And so you have to take that language and normalize it and say, of course, he will want me

1738
01:35:25.680 --> 01:35:29.920
Of course he desires me I'm fun. I'm attracted

1739
01:35:29.920 --> 01:35:34.520
I I'm intelligent and so you have to remind yourself of those truths about yourself

1740
01:35:34.520 --> 01:35:38.400
And it's the same thing the reason why friends want to be around you

1741
01:35:38.600 --> 01:35:42.040
It's the same reason why people like your company because of who you are

1742
01:35:42.640 --> 01:35:50.600
That way you won't be floating away because he wants you and then the second thing is you don't have to you don't need

1743
01:35:51.040 --> 01:35:53.440
Jesus to give you a message when

1744
01:35:54.400 --> 01:35:56.080
Within the

1745
01:35:56.080 --> 01:35:59.920
Program that you in they've already given you boundaries to operate with you

1746
01:35:59.920 --> 01:36:05.640
And so, you know by wisdom that you guys don't know each other well enough yet

1747
01:36:05.720 --> 01:36:08.200
That's why you told him no to exclusivity

1748
01:36:08.200 --> 01:36:12.160
And so what you're gonna do is, you know that he's ready for that

1749
01:36:12.160 --> 01:36:18.520
He's been married 23 years so we can understand his readiness does not indicate, right?

1750
01:36:18.520 --> 01:36:22.920
His readiness doesn't do that it just says he'd had a learn pacing

1751
01:36:24.200 --> 01:36:27.960
But you know how to pace and so then the first thing you might not do it

1752
01:36:27.960 --> 01:36:29.360
But this is how you do it

1753
01:36:29.360 --> 01:36:35.680
If you choose to do it you cut back how much you're talking to him if you feel yourself getting attached in you take back

1754
01:36:35.680 --> 01:36:40.800
Talk time you intentionally put yourself under order so that you can pace yourself

1755
01:36:41.120 --> 01:36:43.600
Emotionally because it's not gonna drop out of the sky

1756
01:36:43.600 --> 01:36:45.920
This man is like a dog on the hunt right now

1757
01:36:46.640 --> 01:36:52.200
He use his nose take him everywhere. You know how doggies when they smell some that's it. He's been a man

1758
01:36:53.200 --> 01:36:58.480
So you cannot allow him being a man to dictate to you how you're gonna show up

1759
01:36:58.480 --> 01:37:04.400
You have to honor and respect who he is and who he's being and then honor and respect the order that you set for your life

1760
01:37:05.680 --> 01:37:09.200
And so you're gonna pace and if you find the more you talk to him the more you like him

1761
01:37:09.280 --> 01:37:12.240
And so you're gonna pace and if you find the more you talk to him the more you like him

1762
01:37:12.240 --> 01:37:16.800
You're gonna say the more I talk to you the more I like you and wisdom tells me that this is too fast

1763
01:37:17.200 --> 01:37:19.200
So this is what we're gonna do

1764
01:37:19.760 --> 01:37:24.400
I'll talk to you today and then we'll skip a day. Don't text me. I won't respond

1765
01:37:25.600 --> 01:37:27.040
Just like that

1766
01:37:27.040 --> 01:37:30.640
I'll talk to you the next day and we're gonna cut our time back to 30 minutes

1767
01:37:31.200 --> 01:37:38.480
And stick with it. Do not cross your own boundary at the moment. You do it. You're gonna continue to do it

1768
01:37:38.960 --> 01:37:42.480
So that means if you gotta find somebody else to put in their spot to talk to do it

1769
01:37:43.040 --> 01:37:49.760
I guarantee you if you stick with it, even a week is gonna slow down the process. You're gonna you're gonna feel the ship

1770
01:37:52.640 --> 01:37:54.560
Under order is my

1771
01:37:54.560 --> 01:38:00.880
Deidre is a law I created for myself. I caused myself to submit to order so I may operate in order

1772
01:38:01.200 --> 01:38:03.200
That's just a law that I designed

1773
01:38:04.000 --> 01:38:07.200
that's language for myself, so you won't hear that language, but

1774
01:38:08.080 --> 01:38:10.880
If you don't submit to order you won't operate in order

1775
01:38:12.640 --> 01:38:18.240
I feel like I need structure, but I don't want to sound legalistic. Hey, so here is the plan, dude

1776
01:38:19.760 --> 01:38:25.040
Well, you can call it you can call it legalism if you want I call it having wisdom

1777
01:38:25.760 --> 01:38:26.960
and so if

1778
01:38:26.960 --> 01:38:32.160
Wisdom is offered to you joanne and you want to slow down the pacing of your emotional development for a person

1779
01:38:32.480 --> 01:38:37.120
Then you need to do what wisdom is saying to you all these ideas of well

1780
01:38:37.360 --> 01:38:40.400
I don't want to sound like a legal who cares if you sound like a legalist

1781
01:38:40.400 --> 01:38:42.400
You're trying to guard your heart without diligence

1782
01:38:42.400 --> 01:38:47.440
So you won't make you won't fumble on something that doesn't have to be fumbled on

1783
01:38:47.840 --> 01:38:50.660
And so what has to happen is open real conversations

1784
01:38:51.360 --> 01:38:56.880
They say this is what's happening. And this is what i'm going to work to prevent to take care of me

1785
01:38:58.000 --> 01:39:00.160
And then you get to see someone honor

1786
01:39:00.880 --> 01:39:01.920
you

1787
01:39:01.920 --> 01:39:07.680
And once you can see that a person doesn't honor you that makes you wonder what that's why you can't break your own rules

1788
01:39:08.640 --> 01:39:14.160
Because you want to measure him honoring your decision you do it for one week do it for a second week

1789
01:39:14.880 --> 01:39:18.000
Until you slow the pace say I am slowing the pace

1790
01:39:19.280 --> 01:39:20.720
for me

1791
01:39:20.720 --> 01:39:23.040
And this is what i'm doing and that's what you can do

1792
01:39:23.200 --> 01:39:27.520
But if you continue at this pace, you keep talking lots of hours every day. It's not going to slow down

1793
01:39:27.600 --> 01:39:33.440
It's going to increase and it's going to take your ability to judge wisely off the table

1794
01:39:34.960 --> 01:39:40.000
So do you think it's okay for me to just say hey, let's let's see what your our weeks are like

1795
01:39:40.080 --> 01:39:44.080
Why don't we plan certain times this week to talk like once or twice this week?

1796
01:39:44.480 --> 01:39:47.440
I think no, I think what you need to say is

1797
01:39:48.080 --> 01:39:53.120
This emotional pace that we're going to is too fast for for me to determine

1798
01:39:53.120 --> 01:40:00.480
If I want to keep going in this relationship, why do you avoid truth? That's what you're doing like oh

1799
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.600
can I just say it like this? What's wrong with that language that I just gave you?

1800
01:40:04.480 --> 01:40:07.920
Like, this is what's happening and this is what I'm going to do.

1801
01:40:08.960 --> 01:40:11.680
When you hear me say that, what do you hear? Like, what do you feel?

1802
01:40:13.360 --> 01:40:17.440
I think this is what I've been working with my therapist is like, I feel way too responsible

1803
01:40:17.440 --> 01:40:24.160
about losing connection. Like, I'm going to lose, if I say that it's going to lose connection.

1804
01:40:24.880 --> 01:40:26.800
Okay. And what happens if you lose connection?

1805
01:40:30.880 --> 01:40:31.680
It's like my fault.

1806
01:40:33.120 --> 01:40:34.560
And what happens if it's your fault?

1807
01:40:36.000 --> 01:40:37.200
What are you losing though?

1808
01:40:39.360 --> 01:40:43.120
You're losing connection, but what else are you, what happens? He stops talking to you?

1809
01:40:44.960 --> 01:40:48.640
Yeah, I guess so. No, no, no conversation or no attention or...

1810
01:40:48.640 --> 01:40:52.560
And what happens when, oh, what happens when he stops giving you attention? You don't get it

1811
01:40:52.560 --> 01:40:59.120
anymore because you like how he wants you, right? You like that he wants you.

1812
01:40:59.120 --> 01:41:00.320
Yeah, that's true.

1813
01:41:00.320 --> 01:41:06.000
Yeah. There's nothing wrong with liking it, right? And so this is how it works.

1814
01:41:07.440 --> 01:41:15.920
It is a fear issue and it comes from some of those buckets that we talked about earlier.

1815
01:41:15.920 --> 01:41:18.320
You've got to narrow down and feel them on your own.

1816
01:41:19.600 --> 01:41:24.640
A man pursuing you or wanting you or desiring you is feeling something for you.

1817
01:41:25.200 --> 01:41:29.040
You, it is a good feeling when somebody chooses you. I'm not taking away from that.

1818
01:41:29.840 --> 01:41:34.480
I know how that it's not just a feeling. It is a fulfillment of something within you,

1819
01:41:35.600 --> 01:41:38.880
but it should not be a fulfillment beyond the judgment of wisdom.

1820
01:41:39.440 --> 01:41:42.080
This situation you have going on is not going to go away.

1821
01:41:44.000 --> 01:41:48.240
So you remember, I don't know if you won the call last time and I'm going to wrap this up,

1822
01:41:48.240 --> 01:41:52.000
but you remember when I said there are some things to boundaries,

1823
01:41:52.000 --> 01:41:56.400
there are things that come in and steal your ability to, to, to operate in boundaries.

1824
01:41:56.960 --> 01:42:01.920
One was a scarcity in mindset. The other one was not feeling worthy of love or

1825
01:42:01.920 --> 01:42:08.560
abandonment or rejection, right? These are one of the thieves that are robbing you of boundaries

1826
01:42:08.560 --> 01:42:13.280
because you can't even set the boundary because you're too attached to a fear or you're too

1827
01:42:13.280 --> 01:42:19.520
attached to, but they're giving me what I long for. So how do we do that? We deal with the thing

1828
01:42:19.600 --> 01:42:28.080
we're longing for. We deal with that issue. And at the same time, because you have me in your ear

1829
01:42:28.080 --> 01:42:35.280
and I'm your coach, you set the boundary. Just like I say, like take care is really about taking

1830
01:42:35.280 --> 01:42:41.760
care of myself, right? It is. But in the meantime of taking care of yourself, you need to set the

1831
01:42:41.760 --> 01:42:46.960
boundary. I don't want to move away from that point for you, Joanne, because this is something

1832
01:42:46.960 --> 01:42:51.440
you need to do. If you've never done it, let's practice. This is the purpose of this phase.

1833
01:42:52.160 --> 01:42:57.520
Practice for the first time, use the language I gave you, go out on the limb, see what a vulnerable

1834
01:42:57.520 --> 01:43:03.200
conversation produces for you. It shows the other person that you value them,

1835
01:43:04.640 --> 01:43:10.400
that you value them enough to share the truth with them, and that you have a plan to guard

1836
01:43:10.400 --> 01:43:14.400
your heart. And while you're doing that, it's going to give you enough space to breathe,

1837
01:43:14.480 --> 01:43:20.640
to deal with the Joanne that longs for this attention, that longs to be sought after.

1838
01:43:21.600 --> 01:43:28.000
Sought after and deal with in-house and find a way, whatever, get to the root or whatever,

1839
01:43:28.000 --> 01:43:32.640
which we just got to some roots, deal with the lies. Let's uproot the lies and let's put some

1840
01:43:32.640 --> 01:43:38.000
truth in and keep working by that truth so that when the lie comes up again, you can insert the

1841
01:43:38.000 --> 01:43:42.160
truth again. It's going to take a while to get used to this, but this is the best time for you

1842
01:43:42.160 --> 01:43:50.880
to start the prison. So you think it's wisdom and loving to meet in that person to say,

1843
01:43:51.840 --> 01:44:02.640
hey, I don't think it's healthy for me and wise to talk every day. I did already tell him that I

1844
01:44:02.640 --> 01:44:07.040
don't really want to talk every day. This is a little too much. And he agreed like on the phone,

1845
01:44:07.760 --> 01:44:12.400
um, but it was kind of like open-ended. Okay. We'll just talk like a text or something. But

1846
01:44:12.400 --> 01:44:17.440
I think I need to say, I have to figure out what is comfortable for me. Like I need to slow it

1847
01:44:17.440 --> 01:44:24.160
down. This looks like this amount of frequency probably let's try this, you know, this would

1848
01:44:24.160 --> 01:44:31.440
be, let's try this, you know, do, do you think I should even say, I know I'm trying to practice

1849
01:44:31.520 --> 01:44:36.160
because this is an area that I'm growing into, or is that too much information?

1850
01:44:38.720 --> 01:44:44.320
You can say that I am a, I'm a, I try to be very vulnerable. And so you're asking a very

1851
01:44:44.320 --> 01:44:49.200
vulnerable person. I lay the cards out on the table and this is what it is. This is how I

1852
01:44:49.200 --> 01:44:54.160
operate. Like, Hey, this is what's happening. I want to practice pacing. Cause I really want

1853
01:44:54.160 --> 01:44:59.840
to get to know you well, whatever you want to say. And so see, like, I do have, if we talked.

1854
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.800
I think our emotions will get ahead of ourselves more than you think your emotions will get ahead of you. No, we

1855
01:45:06.320 --> 01:45:09.280
Don't sign we to him. This is about you

1856
01:45:09.980 --> 01:45:15.440
Okay. Okay, just ownership. My emotions may go ahead of what what?

1857
01:45:16.080 --> 01:45:22.760
Being you have wise make wise decisions about whether or work, you know get fit or something like that, right?

1858
01:45:22.760 --> 01:45:26.160
So yes, so slow down the pace so I can feel

1859
01:45:26.840 --> 01:45:28.840
like you know, what's

1860
01:45:29.120 --> 01:45:34.620
So I am slowing I don't want to do anything I am slowing down the pace

1861
01:45:35.200 --> 01:45:38.200
So that I can get to know you better

1862
01:45:40.200 --> 01:45:41.620
That's the goal

1863
01:45:41.620 --> 01:45:49.240
No, so it's not what do you think we should do? And so then you say this is what I am going to do. I

1864
01:45:50.800 --> 01:45:53.440
Am going to talk to you on Mondays

1865
01:45:54.400 --> 01:45:56.400
Wednesdays and Friday Fridays

1866
01:45:56.920 --> 01:46:01.160
The times that I have available are these days what times work best for you?

1867
01:46:01.600 --> 01:46:06.400
Because then it doesn't sound legalistic if you've explained on the front end what's happening

1868
01:46:07.120 --> 01:46:11.120
but please stay clear we statements make this about I

1869
01:46:16.040 --> 01:46:22.520
Write that when you make our statements it lets a person know this is not up for negotiation. I'm doing what's best for me

1870
01:46:23.520 --> 01:46:27.400
And it also sets a standard that Joanne does what's best for her

1871
01:46:27.400 --> 01:46:32.480
That means when you come into Joanne's life, you better know that she's guarding what's best for her

1872
01:46:33.120 --> 01:46:38.800
You better know that she weighs the options of what's gonna serve her best because she protects and guards her time

1873
01:46:39.040 --> 01:46:42.800
She protects and guards herself. She protects and guards her emotions

1874
01:46:42.800 --> 01:46:49.760
She protects and guards her heart see a lot of times we're afraid to do something, but you don't understand what it says about you

1875
01:46:50.920 --> 01:46:52.920
It says that you're a woman of wisdom

1876
01:46:53.960 --> 01:46:57.840
And that you're honorable woman because you sit down to tell the truth

1877
01:47:01.560 --> 01:47:04.080
Yeah, try it's gonna be so much fun

1878
01:47:07.160 --> 01:47:11.640
Okay, okay you gonna try all right who yeah

1879
01:47:14.480 --> 01:47:16.480
Kim

1880
01:47:19.160 --> 01:47:22.680
Hello, hello, how are you?

1881
01:47:24.360 --> 01:47:28.000
I'm good. Well, I posted on the wall and you just said something about I'm packing up

1882
01:47:28.000 --> 01:47:33.360
We probably don't have time for all that. Also, I'm gonna say is he's out of town this week. Today's five months and

1883
01:47:35.480 --> 01:47:40.160
When he gets back in town, I'm gonna have to nail him down on the marriage thing so

1884
01:47:40.880 --> 01:47:43.720
Because but when you said that like I know it takes some time

1885
01:47:43.720 --> 01:47:47.320
But I just don't want him to think that means I want to marry you right now

1886
01:47:47.320 --> 01:47:50.400
But I'm just I need to know whether he's marriage minded. So

1887
01:47:51.120 --> 01:47:55.520
If he's not I'm gonna have I told him that already that if he's not marriage minded

1888
01:47:55.520 --> 01:47:59.440
I'm gonna have to start seeing other people again. Like that's I'm just gonna have to get back to

1889
01:48:00.120 --> 01:48:02.000
to dating again

1890
01:48:02.000 --> 01:48:04.360
what you really want to do, but

1891
01:48:05.440 --> 01:48:11.440
But I have to because that's what's my end goal. So your goal is marriage and so you can tell him

1892
01:48:11.960 --> 01:48:17.480
You can X and we've been dating for five months at some point. You guys need to make it official that you're exclusive

1893
01:48:18.480 --> 01:48:22.960
I'm not really comfortable with this unsaid exclusivity. Um, Kim and

1894
01:48:24.080 --> 01:48:26.840
I'm concerned that you are avoiding it as well

1895
01:48:27.360 --> 01:48:31.920
Because you don't really know if you want to be in or out and so it's gonna force you to give an answer

1896
01:48:32.640 --> 01:48:33.720
Uh-huh

1897
01:48:33.720 --> 01:48:41.080
Because this shouldn't be an unheard thing and you keep going because the more you keep going the more attached you become the more you're investing

1898
01:48:41.080 --> 01:48:45.280
So you're willing to do that, but you don't want to put something like nail it down

1899
01:48:45.480 --> 01:48:47.880
Well, you have to make decisions too and

1900
01:48:48.880 --> 01:48:56.560
You the conversation needs to be had. Are you marriage minded and when would you like to be married because I can't I don't

1901
01:48:57.440 --> 01:49:00.600
You shouldn't be somebody he knows what he wants

1902
01:49:01.000 --> 01:49:08.400
He knows what he's gonna do and that decision has to be made and you need to know and so and say also

1903
01:49:09.400 --> 01:49:14.000
We haven't determined if we're exclusive or not. You haven't invited me to that conversation

1904
01:49:14.760 --> 01:49:20.020
Yeah, he's an older guy, I mean, yeah, he's exclusive I mean we're exclusive now

1905
01:49:20.020 --> 01:49:25.400
It's just been unspoken like I mean he immediately went there but like kind of like what you know

1906
01:49:26.840 --> 01:49:28.840
He immediately decided I

1907
01:49:29.040 --> 01:49:32.640
Right, you know the person he wanted. Yes, he had been married for a long time

1908
01:49:32.640 --> 01:49:37.360
So so exclusivity leads to marriage if you're not if it's loose

1909
01:49:37.840 --> 01:49:41.640
Exclusivity is not the end goals not marriage and there's no point of being exclusive

1910
01:49:41.800 --> 01:49:43.800
And so when you talk with him

1911
01:49:43.800 --> 01:49:49.680
You need to have a conversation about what he desires your desire is marriage and you need to know

1912
01:49:49.680 --> 01:49:54.640
Is there also his desire and if so, what is his timeline for that?

1913
01:49:55.680 --> 01:49:58.760
This is cuz you're exclusive now. So this is business

1914
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:10.560
Right? Because I know you enjoy him, but you want to be married. And that's just the way

1915
01:50:10.560 --> 01:50:21.120
it is. And if he's not, if he's not going to go, if he's not going to do it, then it's

1916
01:50:21.120 --> 01:50:22.120
a.

1917
01:50:22.120 --> 01:50:29.240
Well, I mean, yeah. So if he says, you know, I'm still considering that, like I said, he's

1918
01:50:29.240 --> 01:50:34.400
been considering it. I think he has, but no, you need an answer. He needs an, okay.

1919
01:50:34.400 --> 01:50:37.720
That man know what he want to do the same way he knew what he wanted to do when he put

1920
01:50:37.720 --> 01:50:42.320
his eyes on you and he kept pursuing you and he's still talking to you. You need to know

1921
01:50:42.320 --> 01:50:46.240
that's your response to him. No, as you've said, you've been considering, I need your

1922
01:50:46.240 --> 01:50:50.400
answer because I want to be married and it doesn't matter if he thinks you want to be

1923
01:50:50.400 --> 01:50:51.400
married tomorrow.

1924
01:50:51.400 --> 01:50:55.560
Kim, you 70, you should want to be married tomorrow. He 83. When y'all going to get married

1925
01:50:55.560 --> 01:51:02.440
two years from now, you ain't 22 and 27. You should want to be married in six, seven,

1926
01:51:02.440 --> 01:51:09.880
eight months. You guys are wise enough to, to make some decisions. This is not that you're

1927
01:51:09.880 --> 01:51:15.800
it's not that, um, you, you should have a desire to want to turn over and be in the

1928
01:51:15.800 --> 01:51:19.720
bed with him to have sex with him. That's what you do. That's one part of marriage.

1929
01:51:19.720 --> 01:51:25.540
You're not getting any younger. You are operating in discipline. You are keeping yourself pure.

1930
01:51:25.540 --> 01:51:31.020
You're going through this process because you're trusting God for your love story. And

1931
01:51:31.020 --> 01:51:39.500
so you're not on a sailboat. Just want to get sailed away in the wind. No, no, no. So

1932
01:51:39.500 --> 01:51:44.420
he needs to give you an answer. A real solid answer. Don't, don't be in that conversation

1933
01:51:44.420 --> 01:51:49.940
without your answer. Okay. So when it gets back in town, we're going to have that talk.

1934
01:51:49.940 --> 01:51:56.100
I'll find that out. I'll be letting y'all know. Okay. Let us know. I'm rooting for him.

1935
01:51:58.100 --> 01:52:02.740
Oh, he has a good man. That's for sure. If he's not my husband, I mean, he's going to make,

1936
01:52:02.740 --> 01:52:10.340
he'll make somebody happy. He's a good guy. Yeah. Well, good. Okay. All right. Thank you.

1937
01:52:10.740 --> 01:52:17.860
You're welcome Kim. Um, who, who's next? Mandy Benzema.

1938
01:52:18.820 --> 01:52:25.140
I don't think you have Mandy and zero Mara. Okay. Michaela, where you know? Well,

1939
01:52:25.140 --> 01:52:30.100
I don't think you were before Mandy, but okay. Okay. Sorry. I don't, I don't know.

1940
01:52:30.660 --> 01:52:37.540
Okay. Go Mandy. Hey Mandy. Hey. Okay. My voice is going out. I've been sick for like two weeks.

1941
01:52:38.100 --> 01:52:42.180
Hold on Mandy. Michaela, wait a minute. One second. Michaela said she had to get out. Give me

1942
01:52:42.180 --> 01:52:47.460
one second. I'm not. She can go. I'm not thinking. Michaela, what is it? What was your question right

1943
01:52:47.460 --> 01:52:54.180
quick? And I can see if I can answer it right quick. Um, it's okay. I had posted something

1944
01:52:54.180 --> 01:53:00.180
in the chat. And so if you just want to respond on the chat, that's fine too. No,

1945
01:53:00.180 --> 01:53:04.660
I want to respond right now. Uh, I took a screenshot of it. I don't want to take

1946
01:53:05.380 --> 01:53:09.140
a turn. I don't want to jump in front. You're not taking her turn. You're not taking her turn.

1947
01:53:09.140 --> 01:53:23.460
Just hold up. It's fine. Thank you so much. Yes, yes, yes. So, so yes. So you realize your

1948
01:53:23.460 --> 01:53:27.780
awareness came that you avoid me because of all these things you learned about yourself

1949
01:53:27.780 --> 01:53:34.180
and also that you avoid me, right? This is you. And also you avoid me because you don't want to

1950
01:53:34.180 --> 01:53:46.660
feel that rejection. Is that right? Yeah. Right. So we're trying to avoid disappointment at all

1951
01:53:46.660 --> 01:53:51.780
costs, which keeps you single and even more disappointed. And you got to just get your hopes

1952
01:53:51.780 --> 01:53:57.460
up and let the Lord help you. So this is what, if you haven't done this, you, you want to clearly

1953
01:53:57.460 --> 01:54:03.380
identify the lies that you're believing. God is not going to uproot the lies for you. You're going

1954
01:54:03.380 --> 01:54:10.420
to uproot the lies and you're going to find a truth to replace it with. And the reason why you

1955
01:54:10.420 --> 01:54:14.820
is it's important that you do it. If you haven't done it, I'm not saying you haven't, you have,

1956
01:54:14.820 --> 01:54:20.020
yes, but I'm just walking it all the way through. It's important that you do it because they're

1957
01:54:20.020 --> 01:54:25.380
going to keep coming up. You live by these lies. Life has shaped these things. You're going to be

1958
01:54:25.380 --> 01:54:31.460
suspicious. You're going to think things you have to constantly go back to the truth because living

1959
01:54:31.460 --> 01:54:37.860
in the truth is what makes you free and keeps you free from disappointment, right? Disappointment

1960
01:54:37.860 --> 01:54:42.980
is an expectation that you set within yourself. People can tell you lots of things, but you don't

1961
01:54:42.980 --> 01:54:48.420
have to make that your expectation, because you know, this truth that you're a fruit inspector

1962
01:54:48.420 --> 01:54:53.060
and you get to know people not by what they say, but by what they do and how they behave and

1963
01:54:53.060 --> 01:54:57.860
operate. So you don't have to be suspicious because you know, in time, all things will

1964
01:54:57.860 --> 01:55:00.180
show themselves to be true, right?

1965
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.840
And so that's why you have to get the truth that you hold on

1966
01:55:02.840 --> 01:55:05.640
to, Makayla, so that you can work your way

1967
01:55:05.640 --> 01:55:08.040
through the process of the first person you talk to,

1968
01:55:08.040 --> 01:55:10.240
work yourself through the process of the next person

1969
01:55:10.240 --> 01:55:11.200
that you talk to.

1970
01:55:11.200 --> 01:55:13.000
There's not going to be a single person that

1971
01:55:13.000 --> 01:55:16.780
comes along and erases all of these horrible things

1972
01:55:16.780 --> 01:55:19.320
that you think are going to happen, and make all of your

1973
01:55:19.320 --> 01:55:20.800
dreams and fears go away.

1974
01:55:20.800 --> 01:55:23.960
Because every single person is human.

1975
01:55:23.960 --> 01:55:28.400
The beauty of a marriage is that where they fall short,

1976
01:55:28.400 --> 01:55:31.720
you hold them up and say, I choose you anyway.

1977
01:55:31.720 --> 01:55:34.360
You just hurt me to the core of who I am.

1978
01:55:34.360 --> 01:55:37.520
But there's enough good in you for me not to abandon you.

1979
01:55:37.520 --> 01:55:38.640
I value you.

1980
01:55:38.640 --> 01:55:39.560
I honor you.

1981
01:55:39.560 --> 01:55:41.380
Because when you chose him, you chose

1982
01:55:41.380 --> 01:55:45.360
a man that was mature, masculine, and marriage minded.

1983
01:55:45.360 --> 01:55:47.200
And so what you want to do now that you've

1984
01:55:47.200 --> 01:55:49.520
come to a place of awareness and you get the truth

1985
01:55:49.520 --> 01:55:51.920
about the lies you believe, you want

1986
01:55:51.920 --> 01:55:53.640
to work your way into dating.

1987
01:55:53.640 --> 01:55:55.400
But I don't want you to just work your way

1988
01:55:55.400 --> 01:55:56.320
into dating blindly.

1989
01:55:56.320 --> 01:55:59.120
I want you to know that based on who you are

1990
01:55:59.120 --> 01:56:01.440
and how life has cultivated you, what

1991
01:56:01.440 --> 01:56:04.920
you have to keep working over and over and over in your mind

1992
01:56:04.920 --> 01:56:08.920
until it reaches to your heart and you produce your own fruit.

1993
01:56:08.920 --> 01:56:11.040
It's not going to change the process.

1994
01:56:11.040 --> 01:56:14.040
It is tedious, but it's going to change you for the long haul.

1995
01:56:14.040 --> 01:56:16.440
Because your husband is going to hurt your feelings a lot.

1996
01:56:16.440 --> 01:56:18.280
He's going to disappoint you a lot.

1997
01:56:18.280 --> 01:56:20.000
Because part of marriage is to make you

1998
01:56:20.000 --> 01:56:21.460
more holy than it is happy.

1999
01:56:21.460 --> 01:56:23.880
So you're going to have to practice forgiveness more time

2000
01:56:23.880 --> 01:56:27.120
than you can count even now.

2001
01:56:27.120 --> 01:56:29.240
And you're going to have to work through hard things

2002
01:56:29.240 --> 01:56:31.160
and brokenness and expectations and things

2003
01:56:31.160 --> 01:56:33.960
you thought were going to be, and they're just not.

2004
01:56:33.960 --> 01:56:36.600
And you're going to still have to learn how to show up.

2005
01:56:36.600 --> 01:56:39.160
And so what you do now is preparing you

2006
01:56:39.160 --> 01:56:40.680
for what it will be.

2007
01:56:40.680 --> 01:56:43.520
And so I want to encourage you, and this was a lot for me

2008
01:56:43.520 --> 01:56:46.440
to post to say, but I want to encourage you

2009
01:56:46.440 --> 01:56:48.480
to narrow down your truth.

2010
01:56:48.480 --> 01:56:50.840
And yes, you're not just going to get your hopes up.

2011
01:56:50.840 --> 01:56:52.240
You're going to go in with a plan.

2012
01:56:54.840 --> 01:56:56.080
Yeah.

2013
01:56:56.080 --> 01:56:57.120
Well, thank you.

2014
01:56:57.120 --> 01:56:58.560
That's good feedback.

2015
01:56:58.560 --> 01:56:59.760
Oh, good.

2016
01:56:59.760 --> 01:57:00.260
Thank you.

2017
01:57:00.260 --> 01:57:00.760
OK, great.

2018
01:57:00.760 --> 01:57:02.280
Thank you for hanging in there.

2019
01:57:02.280 --> 01:57:03.040
Yeah, no problem.

2020
01:57:03.040 --> 01:57:05.040
Thanks for hanging with me.

2021
01:57:05.040 --> 01:57:05.840
Yeah.

2022
01:57:05.840 --> 01:57:07.360
OK, Mandy.

2023
01:57:07.360 --> 01:57:10.040
Hey, y'all, our last three is going to be like a rodeo.

2024
01:57:10.040 --> 01:57:10.920
It's 8 57.

2025
01:57:10.920 --> 01:57:13.360
The only reason I'm able to stay up this long, y'all,

2026
01:57:13.360 --> 01:57:15.560
I'm telling you because we didn't have school today

2027
01:57:15.560 --> 01:57:16.960
because of the wonderful ice.

2028
01:57:16.960 --> 01:57:18.960
But go ahead, Mandy.

2029
01:57:18.960 --> 01:57:19.840
Thank you, Jesus.

2030
01:57:19.840 --> 01:57:22.320
That's why I'm on here, because I have a two-hour delay

2031
01:57:22.320 --> 01:57:23.760
tomorrow.

2032
01:57:23.760 --> 01:57:26.720
Oh, put your question into a message to me.

2033
01:57:26.720 --> 01:57:28.200
Go ahead, Mandy.

2034
01:57:28.200 --> 01:57:29.560
OK.

2035
01:57:29.560 --> 01:57:34.120
OK, so real quick, I've been taking my online dating

2036
01:57:34.120 --> 01:57:36.440
break since September.

2037
01:57:36.440 --> 01:57:40.000
I know we are now almost in February,

2038
01:57:40.000 --> 01:57:41.600
but this is where I'm at.

2039
01:57:41.600 --> 01:57:43.480
The online dating thing has been really hard,

2040
01:57:43.480 --> 01:57:45.100
so I think it's interesting that we are

2041
01:57:45.100 --> 01:57:47.560
discussing online dating today.

2042
01:57:47.560 --> 01:57:49.040
I'm really trying to pray into it

2043
01:57:49.040 --> 01:57:54.200
because I have a disgust for online dating now.

2044
01:57:54.200 --> 01:57:56.920
And it's really hard for me to ever want to go back.

2045
01:57:56.920 --> 01:57:58.880
But I also feel like, well, God, I tried it.

2046
01:57:58.880 --> 01:57:59.920
It didn't work.

2047
01:57:59.920 --> 01:58:02.320
I'm never going to do it again.

2048
01:58:02.320 --> 01:58:04.760
However, I had a conversation with a guy

2049
01:58:04.760 --> 01:58:08.240
for the first time since September

2050
01:58:08.240 --> 01:58:10.960
that I met on Facebook.

2051
01:58:10.960 --> 01:58:13.480
And I liked what he was posting.

2052
01:58:13.480 --> 01:58:15.560
And so he added me or whatever.

2053
01:58:15.560 --> 01:58:17.680
And I was like, I don't even know who this guy is,

2054
01:58:17.720 --> 01:58:19.720
so let me actually look at his stuff.

2055
01:58:19.720 --> 01:58:21.640
And he seemed pretty like, you know,

2056
01:58:21.640 --> 01:58:24.440
and like always talking about God,

2057
01:58:24.440 --> 01:58:25.960
all the things he's saying sounds

2058
01:58:25.960 --> 01:58:27.880
like the things I agree with.

2059
01:58:27.880 --> 01:58:30.280
Anyway, we had a conversation.

2060
01:58:30.280 --> 01:58:35.720
And I'm just realizing I go, I am so open with myself

2061
01:58:35.720 --> 01:58:40.800
because I don't have guilt. I don't have shame of my past.

2062
01:58:40.800 --> 01:58:43.760
I do this with friendships and relationships.

2063
01:58:43.760 --> 01:58:47.360
And I know they're like, don't tell a stranger your business.

2064
01:58:47.360 --> 01:58:49.240
But I tell strangers my business.

2065
01:58:49.240 --> 01:58:52.120
Like, I don't have, this is my problem.

2066
01:58:52.120 --> 01:58:54.800
And I'm like, how do I not be

2067
01:58:54.800 --> 01:58:58.640
who what I've been my whole life?

2068
01:58:58.640 --> 01:59:01.800
Like, there's something wrong with this, I know.

2069
01:59:01.800 --> 01:59:04.920
But how do I be like surfacy with people?

2070
01:59:04.920 --> 01:59:07.800
Because my thing is like, I've always loved

2071
01:59:07.800 --> 01:59:09.720
deep conversations.

2072
01:59:09.720 --> 01:59:13.480
I love intellectual conversations.

2073
01:59:13.480 --> 01:59:15.800
Yeah, I don't know the whole open book thing.

2074
01:59:16.480 --> 01:59:19.640
That's me with men and women.

2075
01:59:19.640 --> 01:59:21.160
And I don't know.

2076
01:59:21.160 --> 01:59:24.960
So I'm like, I literally, I really need prayer,

2077
01:59:24.960 --> 01:59:27.080
I think, in this area.

2078
01:59:27.080 --> 01:59:28.720
Your advice would be awesome too.

2079
01:59:28.720 --> 01:59:31.440
But like, I don't know how to do this.

2080
01:59:31.440 --> 01:59:34.040
And I think this is actually an issue.

2081
01:59:34.040 --> 01:59:36.280
Yeah, one reason why you should, I've

2082
01:59:36.280 --> 01:59:38.280
been watching you on YouTube, by the way.

2083
01:59:38.280 --> 01:59:39.920
Oh, thank you.

2084
01:59:39.920 --> 01:59:41.200
When you post, it comes up.

2085
01:59:41.200 --> 01:59:42.720
Because I think I subscribe.

2086
01:59:42.720 --> 01:59:43.760
But anyway.

2087
01:59:43.760 --> 01:59:44.960
Oh, thank you.

2088
01:59:44.960 --> 01:59:45.880
So you're welcome.

2089
01:59:45.880 --> 01:59:48.960
So that may be one reason why you share so much.

2090
01:59:48.960 --> 01:59:54.000
Because you share so much on social media platforms.

2091
01:59:54.000 --> 01:59:55.760
I pray it helps people, though, too.

2092
01:59:55.760 --> 01:59:56.600
You know what I'm saying?

2093
01:59:56.600 --> 01:59:57.160
Oh, yeah.

2094
01:59:57.160 --> 02:00:00.800
But I'm just saying, that could be your balance of restraint.

2095
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.880
why you find it challenging to restrain yourself

2096
02:00:03.880 --> 02:00:06.280
because you're used to sharing things

2097
02:00:06.280 --> 02:00:08.440
that encourage and motivate people.

2098
02:00:08.440 --> 02:00:09.440
That's one thing.

2099
02:00:09.440 --> 02:00:11.120
So when we can identify the reason

2100
02:00:11.120 --> 02:00:13.080
why we may do something, it helps a lot

2101
02:00:13.080 --> 02:00:14.760
because you won't keep beating yourself up

2102
02:00:14.760 --> 02:00:16.680
saying you got to change it.

2103
02:00:16.680 --> 02:00:19.520
It helps you channel, right?

2104
02:00:19.520 --> 02:00:20.600
So the next thing, Amanda,

2105
02:00:20.600 --> 02:00:23.360
is you have to submit to the order of wisdom.

2106
02:00:23.360 --> 02:00:24.440
Okay.

2107
02:00:24.440 --> 02:00:26.840
And you can't be unwilling to submit to wisdom

2108
02:00:27.760 --> 02:00:32.720
because wisdom tells me that people are,

2109
02:00:32.720 --> 02:00:35.720
that you know people over time.

2110
02:00:36.920 --> 02:00:37.760
And it's true.

2111
02:00:37.760 --> 02:00:38.920
You're an onion, Mandy.

2112
02:00:38.920 --> 02:00:40.360
You could tell them a lot about you,

2113
02:00:40.360 --> 02:00:41.280
but they're not going to know you

2114
02:00:41.280 --> 02:00:43.040
until they experience you.

2115
02:00:43.040 --> 02:00:43.880
Right.

2116
02:00:43.880 --> 02:00:45.640
And when you meet a guy,

2117
02:00:45.640 --> 02:00:48.760
I want you to have this experience right here.

2118
02:00:48.760 --> 02:00:50.280
The experience should be,

2119
02:00:50.280 --> 02:00:52.040
I can't wait to talk to Mandy again

2120
02:00:52.040 --> 02:00:54.360
so I can get to know more about her.

2121
02:00:54.360 --> 02:00:55.200
Okay.

2122
02:00:55.200 --> 02:00:57.600
I'm excited to know more about Mandy

2123
02:00:57.600 --> 02:01:00.360
because you have pasted enough

2124
02:01:00.360 --> 02:01:02.720
that they want to come back for more.

2125
02:01:02.720 --> 02:01:07.000
So one of the things in me doing one-on-one coaching,

2126
02:01:07.000 --> 02:01:09.720
if anybody's done one with me before,

2127
02:01:09.720 --> 02:01:12.440
because I want to see women empowered and grow,

2128
02:01:12.440 --> 02:01:15.760
it'll be, you know, well over time.

2129
02:01:15.760 --> 02:01:16.760
And I'm still doing it.

2130
02:01:16.760 --> 02:01:18.680
It's not because I'm not aware.

2131
02:01:18.680 --> 02:01:22.040
It's because I want them to get all of this goodness,

2132
02:01:22.040 --> 02:01:24.600
but it's only so much you can process at one time.

2133
02:01:25.600 --> 02:01:26.440
Right?

2134
02:01:26.440 --> 02:01:28.720
It's only so much a person can take in.

2135
02:01:28.720 --> 02:01:30.560
And so I can be like a water hose,

2136
02:01:30.560 --> 02:01:31.480
spewing things out,

2137
02:01:31.480 --> 02:01:33.880
but it doesn't mean it's absorbable.

2138
02:01:33.880 --> 02:01:36.160
And so there's one thing you keep in mind.

2139
02:01:37.240 --> 02:01:38.560
Another thing is,

2140
02:01:39.840 --> 02:01:41.560
oh, good night, Deidre.

2141
02:01:41.560 --> 02:01:42.760
I'm going to miss you.

2142
02:01:45.360 --> 02:01:46.840
I like your ponytail.

2143
02:01:47.880 --> 02:01:49.160
So that's it.

2144
02:01:49.160 --> 02:01:50.840
So the thing is,

2145
02:01:50.840 --> 02:01:51.680
what did you go, Mandy?

2146
02:01:51.680 --> 02:01:53.840
You have to submit to the order of wisdom

2147
02:01:53.880 --> 02:01:56.680
and wisdom tells you you get to know people over time.

2148
02:01:56.680 --> 02:01:58.760
Let wisdom guide your tone.

2149
02:01:59.720 --> 02:02:00.880
Okay.

2150
02:02:00.880 --> 02:02:03.280
Do you think you can do that, Mandy?

2151
02:02:03.280 --> 02:02:05.200
I mean, I'm going to pray about it.

2152
02:02:05.200 --> 02:02:06.600
I know the Lord revealed it to me

2153
02:02:06.600 --> 02:02:08.240
because I was just pondering on it today.

2154
02:02:08.240 --> 02:02:12.080
And that's what I feel like God brought up to my mind

2155
02:02:12.080 --> 02:02:13.320
was just like,

2156
02:02:13.320 --> 02:02:14.960
I overshare

2157
02:02:16.400 --> 02:02:18.520
so easily.

2158
02:02:18.520 --> 02:02:21.240
And I first thought it was a strength,

2159
02:02:21.240 --> 02:02:22.560
but it's not,

2160
02:02:22.560 --> 02:02:26.080
because then I'm like telling them everything about me.

2161
02:02:26.080 --> 02:02:27.960
And yeah, I'm onion and all the things,

2162
02:02:27.960 --> 02:02:29.560
but then I'm also like,

2163
02:02:29.560 --> 02:02:30.800
but they don't need to know that.

2164
02:02:30.800 --> 02:02:35.120
Like not every guy needs to know my testimony.

2165
02:02:36.560 --> 02:02:38.200
No, it is true.

2166
02:02:38.200 --> 02:02:40.720
And I think that you're a woman of community,

2167
02:02:40.720 --> 02:02:42.160
but if you're not,

2168
02:02:42.160 --> 02:02:44.680
say those things for your community.

2169
02:02:44.680 --> 02:02:45.520
Yeah.

2170
02:02:46.520 --> 02:02:48.960
Do you share in community?

2171
02:02:48.960 --> 02:02:53.200
I mean, my community has definitely gotten very small,

2172
02:02:53.200 --> 02:02:56.640
but yeah, I don't feel like I need it.

2173
02:02:56.640 --> 02:02:58.080
Yeah, it's just a weird,

2174
02:02:58.080 --> 02:03:00.240
I don't know, Ebony, it's weird.

2175
02:03:00.240 --> 02:03:03.200
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

2176
02:03:03.200 --> 02:03:05.680
You don't have an exceptional case, Mandy.

2177
02:03:05.680 --> 02:03:08.160
You have a case that you don't submit to order and wisdom

2178
02:03:08.160 --> 02:03:09.720
and you need more community

2179
02:03:09.720 --> 02:03:11.520
so that you can take your pearls

2180
02:03:11.520 --> 02:03:14.080
and give them to people who value and honor you

2181
02:03:14.080 --> 02:03:15.320
and who know you.

2182
02:03:15.320 --> 02:03:17.440
And so I want you to build more community

2183
02:03:17.440 --> 02:03:19.160
because I am telling you,

2184
02:03:19.160 --> 02:03:20.560
more community you have,

2185
02:03:20.560 --> 02:03:22.240
the less you get in front of a man

2186
02:03:22.240 --> 02:03:25.000
that does not know you, value you, honor you,

2187
02:03:25.000 --> 02:03:28.160
has not grown to a place of stewardship yet.

2188
02:03:28.160 --> 02:03:30.000
Of the things that you share,

2189
02:03:30.000 --> 02:03:34.160
you will not do it because you have another outlet.

2190
02:03:34.160 --> 02:03:35.280
Right.

2191
02:03:35.280 --> 02:03:37.960
Just like if you talk to more than one man at a time,

2192
02:03:37.960 --> 02:03:40.080
one man cannot get the best of you

2193
02:03:40.080 --> 02:03:42.080
because you're spreading yourself thin.

2194
02:03:43.000 --> 02:03:46.520
Same thing's gonna happen when you develop a community

2195
02:03:46.520 --> 02:03:47.960
and someone that you can talk to,

2196
02:03:47.960 --> 02:03:50.200
a woman that gets you on your level,

2197
02:03:50.200 --> 02:03:52.880
or it could be a guy or a person

2198
02:03:52.880 --> 02:03:53.960
that gets you on your level.

2199
02:03:53.960 --> 02:03:54.880
They can stimulate,

2200
02:03:54.880 --> 02:03:56.640
they can talk to you on your level of ministry,

2201
02:03:56.640 --> 02:03:58.600
talk to your level of understanding.

2202
02:03:58.600 --> 02:04:00.640
It's a beautiful thing.

2203
02:04:00.640 --> 02:04:01.480
Yeah.

2204
02:04:02.960 --> 02:04:06.320
So the Bible says in the book of James,

2205
02:04:06.320 --> 02:04:08.680
if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of the Lord

2206
02:04:08.680 --> 02:04:11.960
and he will give it to him liberally and without reproach.

2207
02:04:11.960 --> 02:04:14.040
And so when you ask for wisdom,

2208
02:04:14.040 --> 02:04:16.480
he will pour it out on you as necessary.

2209
02:04:17.320 --> 02:04:18.800
And it's also gonna be necessary for you, Mandy,

2210
02:04:18.800 --> 02:04:22.200
in ministry, if I just may cross over for you,

2211
02:04:22.200 --> 02:04:25.280
because it's gonna be necessary that you understand wisdom

2212
02:04:25.280 --> 02:04:27.640
and how to share, what to share and when to share.

2213
02:04:27.640 --> 02:04:30.160
And you need the Lord to bridle your tongue

2214
02:04:30.160 --> 02:04:32.760
and you need to submit to the bridling of your tongue

2215
02:04:32.760 --> 02:04:35.080
because this is going to be very necessary

2216
02:04:35.080 --> 02:04:36.880
and it's gonna cause you to stop.

2217
02:04:36.880 --> 02:04:39.840
It's gonna help you not put yourself in situations

2218
02:04:39.840 --> 02:04:41.560
where you're hurt, where you're abandoned

2219
02:04:41.560 --> 02:04:45.280
and where you're abused and that comes under wisdom.

2220
02:04:45.280 --> 02:04:48.800
You don't need a supernatural work, you need wisdom.

2221
02:04:48.800 --> 02:04:49.640
Yeah.

2222
02:04:49.640 --> 02:04:52.400
And I'm telling you from me, I've been where you are

2223
02:04:52.400 --> 02:04:55.480
and I've had to learn to submit to the order of wisdom.

2224
02:04:55.480 --> 02:04:56.320
Okay.

2225
02:04:57.560 --> 02:04:59.360
And so it is the key.

2226
02:04:59.360 --> 02:05:00.560
There are things I've.

2227
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:04.240
wanted to share it. And I was like, wow, I really overdid it. Oh, wow. And I had to

2228
02:05:04.240 --> 02:05:11.440
submit to wisdom and say, teach me when and how. And in any time when you don't know,

2229
02:05:11.440 --> 02:05:15.760
just be quiet. You can never go wrong with being quiet.

2230
02:05:15.760 --> 02:05:19.920
What if somebody just asked you like straight up about like, you know, we talked about like

2231
02:05:19.920 --> 02:05:25.680
about the baby daddy thing like, and just say, that's a great conversation for when I get to

2232
02:05:25.680 --> 02:05:27.520
know you better. Just, you know, leave it like that.

2233
02:05:28.320 --> 02:05:29.920
Yeah, that's a really good question.

2234
02:05:29.920 --> 02:05:34.160
Because I'm like, oh, well, you know, my baby daddy. I just go with it.

2235
02:05:34.160 --> 02:05:38.960
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one thing about too, we underestimate how much people take

2236
02:05:38.960 --> 02:05:44.720
who we used to be in our past decisions to come up with somebody with decisions about who we are now.

2237
02:05:44.720 --> 02:05:46.080
That's true. That's true.

2238
02:05:46.080 --> 02:05:48.480
And you, people do it. I do it. You hear it.

2239
02:05:48.480 --> 02:05:49.680
I do that to other people.

2240
02:05:50.240 --> 02:05:51.040
Okay. Yeah.

2241
02:05:51.040 --> 02:05:51.920
Okay. Right.

2242
02:05:51.920 --> 02:05:56.160
When they could have kept it to themselves. I know one lady one time, she wouldn't look,

2243
02:05:56.160 --> 02:05:59.840
she liked the guy. She wouldn't look them up. It was very early on. It was just like the second day.

2244
02:05:59.840 --> 02:06:05.120
And she saw that he had a divorce like 10 years ago. And it triggered her so much.

2245
02:06:05.680 --> 02:06:08.320
She couldn't hold herself back from asking him. Why?

2246
02:06:08.320 --> 02:06:12.080
Why would you be asking somebody on the second day about their personal business?

2247
02:06:12.080 --> 02:06:13.600
That's part that is high.

2248
02:06:13.600 --> 02:06:15.280
Right. And he didn't share it either.

2249
02:06:16.080 --> 02:06:19.760
Yeah. He didn't share this. And that wasn't, he wasn't hiding. He don't even know you.

2250
02:06:19.760 --> 02:06:24.640
Why would he tell you he had a divorce? That's a very personal thing.

2251
02:06:24.640 --> 02:06:28.640
And so let wisdom guide you and start putting yourself under the order of it.

2252
02:06:28.640 --> 02:06:32.800
If you intentionally put yourself under the order of it, it will embrace you.

2253
02:06:33.920 --> 02:06:37.040
Okay. And what was that scripture? You said James, what?

2254
02:06:38.480 --> 02:06:39.520
James.

2255
02:06:39.520 --> 02:06:42.400
I can look it up too. Something about bridling of the tongue.

2256
02:06:43.040 --> 02:06:43.520
Bridling.

2257
02:06:43.520 --> 02:06:45.200
Yeah. I'm taking that.

2258
02:06:45.200 --> 02:06:48.160
Come on, any man ask lack wisdom or brighten your tongue?

2259
02:06:49.280 --> 02:06:52.000
Both of them.

2260
02:06:52.960 --> 02:06:56.720
Any man lack wisdom, let him ask of the Lord. It is James.

2261
02:06:56.720 --> 02:06:57.360
I can look it up.

2262
02:06:58.400 --> 02:07:01.360
Okay. Yeah. Cause you know, you're a Bible scholar.

2263
02:07:01.360 --> 02:07:05.280
Go for it. And we got Google now. We ain't got to flip through pages. James one in five.

2264
02:07:06.000 --> 02:07:07.280
Okay. James one in five.

2265
02:07:07.280 --> 02:07:11.600
And then James also talks about bridling our tongues.

2266
02:07:11.600 --> 02:07:16.000
Okay. I'm going to try to pray into those and ask the Lord about that. Thank you so much.

2267
02:07:16.800 --> 02:07:18.800
You're welcome. See you soon.

2268
02:07:19.280 --> 02:07:20.240
Okay. Bye.

2269
02:07:21.200 --> 02:07:25.440
Bye. Okay. Go ahead forward. I, you told me how to say your name, but.

2270
02:07:27.440 --> 02:07:35.120
Yeah, I have a little bit of a dilemma. I, I think last time I spoke to you,

2271
02:07:35.120 --> 02:07:39.920
I told you that my, that I had like a lunch date with my coworker.

2272
02:07:41.840 --> 02:07:47.120
And then we had like a, kind of like a date after work or we just went to target hung out.

2273
02:07:47.680 --> 02:07:52.000
And then I came home on my commute, but he said he was going to visit me.

2274
02:07:53.360 --> 02:07:58.800
I invited him to a Christmas party and last minute, he said he couldn't come because

2275
02:07:59.600 --> 02:08:03.520
his ex wouldn't, didn't want to take care of his puppies.

2276
02:08:05.440 --> 02:08:09.440
And he didn't want to like leave him, you know, to make a mess or whatever.

2277
02:08:10.080 --> 02:08:11.760
So that's fine. I left it like that.

2278
02:08:12.000 --> 02:08:18.160
Um, but not this weekend, the weekend before he actually came down to visit me and we had

2279
02:08:18.160 --> 02:08:24.160
like a great time. We spent the whole day together. Um, and I, I feel so much peace around

2280
02:08:24.160 --> 02:08:31.440
him and my brother was having a party for his son. So we showed up at the place and everybody

2281
02:08:31.440 --> 02:08:39.920
was like, Oh my gosh, like he's nice. Like he's really nice. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but then I asked him

2282
02:08:39.920 --> 02:08:46.080
some question about, um, you know, cause he's got two children and I was like, Hey, um, do you

2283
02:08:46.080 --> 02:08:54.560
get a refund back because of your kids? And he goes, yeah, well I file a separate. So then I

2284
02:08:54.560 --> 02:09:01.120
asked him, I asked him later, I was like, Hey, can I, you know, something you said, um, can you,

2285
02:09:01.920 --> 02:09:08.720
um, I just, I just wanted to ask you, and this was via text. I was like, um, you said you file

2286
02:09:08.720 --> 02:09:14.640
separate. Are you, what does that mean? Or are you still married? Something like that. And he goes,

2287
02:09:14.640 --> 02:09:25.440
well, um, our divorce hasn't been finalized. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I was kind of disappointed

2288
02:09:25.440 --> 02:09:34.480
because, you know, we, we talk a lot and he doesn't, he hadn't told me. I know. Um, yeah.

2289
02:09:35.040 --> 02:09:41.840
So I said, Oh, okay. Well, pray for you. But I was really tired to have a full conversation.

2290
02:09:42.960 --> 02:09:48.160
Um, the next day I saw him at work. Um, I mean, I was brain fried when we're having that

2291
02:09:48.160 --> 02:09:54.160
conversation and when I'm tired, I don't have, I don't know. I just didn't want to talk it,

2292
02:09:54.720 --> 02:09:59.040
the separated live. Yeah. Anyway. And, uh,

2293
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:07.280
I mean, I did kind of feel a little bit of a relief. I don't know if I was like scared

2294
02:10:07.280 --> 02:10:16.840
or what. Because I do like the widow even though he's like an avoidant, but he seems

2295
02:10:16.840 --> 02:10:21.440
like an avoidant. I just like our conversations that we have because we can talk about the

2296
02:10:21.440 --> 02:10:26.800
Lord and I can't have, I don't feel like I have the full conversation with Alfredo about

2297
02:10:26.800 --> 02:10:34.480
the Lord, even though we have a lot of things in common and he's very kind. But yeah, so

2298
02:10:34.480 --> 02:10:42.760
the next day, I mean, he went to my office and he gave me a kiss on the lips. And I think

2299
02:10:42.760 --> 02:10:50.640
he, I was texting the widow and he came in because he's right next to my office and he

2300
02:10:50.640 --> 02:10:56.760
came and I guess he caught me and I guess I was really upset. So he kind of ignored

2301
02:10:56.760 --> 02:11:00.160
me like the rest of the three days, kind of a little bit.

2302
02:11:00.160 --> 02:11:02.200
You were texting who?

2303
02:11:02.200 --> 02:11:08.160
I was texting, I know you told me not to talk to the widow.

2304
02:11:08.160 --> 02:11:09.160
Who?

2305
02:11:09.160 --> 02:11:15.960
Well, it was this guy that told me that he only wanted to be friends. And I had some

2306
02:11:15.960 --> 02:11:21.960
things, I stopped talking to him for like a while, a long time. And I went and I dropped

2307
02:11:21.960 --> 02:11:29.680
off his things and I thanked him for, because he did, he bought me my car battery when my

2308
02:11:29.680 --> 02:11:30.680
car broke down.

2309
02:11:30.680 --> 02:11:33.880
Oh, okay, okay, okay, I got you. I'm on tape now.

2310
02:11:33.880 --> 02:11:45.480
And he would always like either feed me dinner or whatever, or take me to nice places. So

2311
02:11:45.480 --> 02:11:50.200
he was out in Mexico and he's like, hey, if you want to wait for me until I come back,

2312
02:11:50.200 --> 02:11:55.000
or if you don't want to see me, that's fine, I understand. Or if you don't want to see

2313
02:11:55.000 --> 02:11:59.800
me, you know, it's up to you. But then he took me to Pasha, he was really excited. And

2314
02:11:59.800 --> 02:12:06.720
I mean, I guess when we do talk, we have really good conversations. And I don't know why the,

2315
02:12:06.720 --> 02:12:14.280
why Aurelio, the widow, offered to take me, he wants to take me on a trip, like a very

2316
02:12:14.360 --> 02:12:20.520
nice trip. And I was like, why would you want to like, take me on a trip if you don't have

2317
02:12:20.520 --> 02:12:26.360
like feelings for me? That's just kind of weird. Kind of a romantic place, I gotta say.

2318
02:12:26.360 --> 02:12:28.200
What did he say?

2319
02:12:28.840 --> 02:12:29.080
Huh?

2320
02:12:29.800 --> 02:12:31.560
What did he say when you asked him that?

2321
02:12:31.560 --> 02:12:39.080
I haven't asked him that. I had asked him if he wanted to go hiking on last Monday.

2322
02:12:39.880 --> 02:12:45.640
But he sounded like he was busy. And I could tell he was a little grouchy. So I just,

2323
02:12:45.640 --> 02:12:50.120
I said, you know what, it's okay. Don't worry about it. You know, I that's fine. It's you

2324
02:12:50.120 --> 02:12:55.400
have a rich immense retreat to go to. So I don't want to. I know that you just came back from the

2325
02:12:55.400 --> 02:13:00.680
trip in Mexico. And I don't want to give you extra. I didn't want to force it. So the next

2326
02:13:00.680 --> 02:13:06.520
day, he goes, Yeah, that's really wise of you. He goes, the next day, he sent me a video of

2327
02:13:06.520 --> 02:13:12.280
the trip where he wants to take me. He goes, it's, it's I'm saving for this to take you here.

2328
02:13:14.280 --> 02:13:18.840
Basically, but I that's what I was like, wow, this is like, looks really romantic. Like I did.

2329
02:13:20.520 --> 02:13:24.760
I said, Well, maybe I could save some money. But I want to tell him, you know, I don't want to go

2330
02:13:24.760 --> 02:13:32.200
there. If you know, I think I would want to go with my husband there. I don't think it's called

2331
02:13:33.000 --> 02:13:40.440
Cuatro Cienegas. It's like a, like a, I mean, it's just it looks almost like a resort. It's

2332
02:13:40.440 --> 02:13:48.120
really pretty. But yeah, yeah, he me and me and the widow have never kissed. He's never like

2333
02:13:48.120 --> 02:13:56.680
crossed boundaries like that. At all. I mean, Alfredo and I did kiss but yeah, that was before

2334
02:13:57.400 --> 02:14:01.000
I knew. I didn't know he was separated. I just

2335
02:14:03.240 --> 02:14:06.920
Yeah, so what's your question about that? What are you just?

2336
02:14:07.800 --> 02:14:15.240
I don't know. I mean, I know San Antonio takes like two years for sometimes for people's hearing

2337
02:14:15.240 --> 02:14:23.800
to even go through. And I looked at her page and she's seems like she's moved on and like she's

2338
02:14:23.800 --> 02:14:32.040
posting pictures with the with the new boyfriend and her kids, you know, for Christmas and but

2339
02:14:32.040 --> 02:14:35.960
yeah, they I wouldn't I don't know what Shelly asked, but

2340
02:14:35.960 --> 02:14:39.640
She says they both signed the papers and just waiting for the state to award it.

2341
02:14:40.280 --> 02:14:42.120
I don't know. I don't know.

2342
02:14:42.120 --> 02:14:43.000
He didn't even tell her.

2343
02:14:44.200 --> 02:14:44.440
Yeah.

2344
02:14:44.440 --> 02:14:50.520
Um, well, um, I'm sorry, you had to find it out.

2345
02:14:54.440 --> 02:14:59.880
You know, when people are married, they can get back together anytime they

2346
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:06.000
That's how I feel. They have children and most people that were married they

2347
02:15:06.000 --> 02:15:11.960
didn't get married to get a divorce. So there's very you know I've been married

2348
02:15:11.960 --> 02:15:15.480
and gone through a divorce before and married people go they go through little

2349
02:15:15.480 --> 02:15:19.000
stuff so she may be with a boyfriend today and then all something happens and

2350
02:15:19.000 --> 02:15:23.080
now they try to work it out and so you end up with the short end of the stick

2351
02:15:23.080 --> 02:15:27.800
and so the best way to guard your heart is to understand that he's a married

2352
02:15:27.800 --> 02:15:36.440
man and so he's married and so that means he wouldn't serve your life best

2353
02:15:36.440 --> 02:15:43.400
and you want to be married. You want to be married and so for me I don't

2354
02:15:43.400 --> 02:15:46.960
really really care they signed the papers if they signed the papers well

2355
02:15:46.960 --> 02:15:53.080
when they get finalized he can call you and so I was getting to know this guy he

2356
02:15:53.080 --> 02:15:58.760
was a wonderful guy and I know he said that he was divorced and so he made a

2357
02:15:58.760 --> 02:16:03.440
comment and said we were talking he's like yeah that's why once we get this

2358
02:16:03.440 --> 02:16:08.880
paperwork done it's gonna finally be over with I said what huh what did you

2359
02:16:08.880 --> 02:16:15.080
just say yeah paperwork and so when he said then I said oh brother man of God

2360
02:16:15.080 --> 02:16:21.720
Wow I said let me talk to you like a sister in Christ I said now I don't do

2361
02:16:21.720 --> 02:16:30.120
this foolishness I said like bruh this is this is true I told him if God told

2362
02:16:30.120 --> 02:16:33.840
you to marry me right now you couldn't even obey your God because of the

2363
02:16:33.840 --> 02:16:38.400
covenant you've made in the earth that's how that works you couldn't go to a

2364
02:16:38.400 --> 02:16:42.639
courthouse and marry me because you aren't papers with somebody else and I

2365
02:16:42.639 --> 02:16:47.160
said so you've been a great person to get to know once your divorce is final

2366
02:16:47.160 --> 02:16:51.719
give me a call and if I'm available I'll talk to you it's just simple as

2367
02:16:51.719 --> 02:17:00.400
that yeah how that works and and so I think that that would serve you best

2368
02:17:00.400 --> 02:17:05.760
okay but one question I want to ask you can you share with me why do you think

2369
02:17:05.760 --> 02:17:11.879
you still talk to the widow if he's you like him but he's explicitly told you

2370
02:17:11.879 --> 02:17:18.120
that he does not desire you in a relationship I think I think I get a I

2371
02:17:18.120 --> 02:17:27.360
don't know I mean I think he he gives me a little bit of he's like I think the

2372
02:17:27.360 --> 02:17:31.440
other day we had the conversation and he's like so you are interested in me

2373
02:17:31.440 --> 02:17:40.360
and and because I don't know I was telling him about me going through CBP

2374
02:17:40.360 --> 02:17:47.400
and how the guy was like really helpful I was like you know what it was like

2375
02:17:47.400 --> 02:17:51.040
five o'clock in the morning because that's it's time I commute I forgot if

2376
02:17:51.040 --> 02:17:56.400
I put my laptop back in the back and I asked the CBP officer if he could please

2377
02:17:56.400 --> 02:18:01.240
check for me if I had my black bag in the bag but you know a lot of them are

2378
02:18:01.240 --> 02:18:06.240
like really young they go to our church some of them this guy you know I was I

2379
02:18:06.240 --> 02:18:10.240
wasn't trying to flirt with a guy or anything but I told him that and it was

2380
02:18:10.240 --> 02:18:17.040
like like he got like jealous over that like he's like well you don't look as

2381
02:18:17.040 --> 02:18:24.639
young which I thought was totally rude and then he he apologized and he was

2382
02:18:24.639 --> 02:18:28.959
like I love you with the love of the Lord I was like that's so weird for you

2383
02:18:28.959 --> 02:18:36.120
to say but okay so you know he's he's not healthy for you he's he's not

2384
02:18:36.120 --> 02:18:43.120
choosing you he is actually stringing you alone only because you allow it and

2385
02:18:43.120 --> 02:18:47.360
so it's not that he used so many words to do it but he's saying he don't want

2386
02:18:47.360 --> 02:18:50.920
to be a relationship he wants to take you somewhere to intimate place to do

2387
02:18:50.920 --> 02:18:54.440
what y'all gonna sleep in separate room what what is he what what is the

2388
02:18:54.440 --> 02:19:00.080
expectation here and so I want you to be aware of your own heart and to guard

2389
02:19:00.080 --> 02:19:04.040
it without diligence because this is not healthy because as he's telling you he

2390
02:19:04.040 --> 02:19:08.840
doesn't want you the reason why he keeps coming around because you allow it and

2391
02:19:08.840 --> 02:19:14.639
you're gonna bear the brunt of the pain because you keep letting your emotions

2392
02:19:14.639 --> 02:19:18.520
develop and I know sometimes it feels good to talk to somebody who wants us

2393
02:19:18.520 --> 02:19:22.840
because he says he doesn't want you but he keeps engaging with you so those are

2394
02:19:23.280 --> 02:19:27.719
he was like why why did you stop talking to me did you stop talking to me because

2395
02:19:27.719 --> 02:19:31.760
you you were mad at me and I said no I didn't stop talking to you because I was

2396
02:19:31.760 --> 02:19:38.320
mad at you I was like I you know that wasn't the reason and I mean I didn't

2397
02:19:38.320 --> 02:19:43.280
even tell him you know I was just trying to protect my heart from you you can say

2398
02:19:43.280 --> 02:19:47.600
that you can say I like you you told me you did not desire relationship with me

2399
02:19:47.600 --> 02:19:52.080
so that tells me I need to move along

2400
02:19:52.880 --> 02:19:59.000
I do what's best for me that's what this is yeah yeah and he can say well we can

2401
02:19:59.000 --> 02:20:02.000
be friends I don't want to

2402
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:07.680
friendship with you. I like you now. I don't. I don't want a friendship with you. Right?

2403
02:20:08.640 --> 02:20:14.880
And so I'm concerned about that and I just want you to know that you can continue on. I can't

2404
02:20:14.880 --> 02:20:18.640
tell you what to do. That's not what I'm saying. You can continue in it, but I don't believe it's

2405
02:20:18.640 --> 02:20:25.280
going to serve you very well. There's a reason why he told you explicitly what he desired,

2406
02:20:25.280 --> 02:20:32.080
what he does not want. And anything that happens after that is going to be on you because you

2407
02:20:32.080 --> 02:20:37.680
were aware of how he felt. And don't trust me. He's going to remind you of that. Yeah,

2408
02:20:37.680 --> 02:20:44.400
he was like super excited to see me. And like he, like I could tell he was like, yeah, but yeah,

2409
02:20:44.400 --> 02:20:50.320
I guess he gives me the mixed signals. I don't know why he does. What he does is make signals,

2410
02:20:50.320 --> 02:20:59.600
but he already told you that he did not want anything romantic with you. Yeah. So he told

2411
02:20:59.600 --> 02:21:05.840
you what you wanted. And so, but, so I just want you to keep that in mind. And that other guy,

2412
02:21:05.840 --> 02:21:10.080
you have a conviction already within yourself that you don't want that. And I just encourage

2413
02:21:10.080 --> 02:21:17.120
you to release it. And if you want to do a one-on-one with myself or Carla, it'd be really

2414
02:21:17.120 --> 02:21:22.400
good because I want to unpack some things with you in your heart and what's happening. So that

2415
02:21:22.400 --> 02:21:30.560
you won't be prey to someone, someone entering you in a way. I want to, I want to deliver you

2416
02:21:30.560 --> 02:21:37.440
to your love story, not with more scars on your soul, but a whole healed woman so that you can

2417
02:21:37.440 --> 02:21:42.720
stop accepting less than what you deserve. And right now there, it seems to be some beliefs

2418
02:21:42.720 --> 02:21:47.600
that you don't deserve the very, very best and you do. And so if you were considering

2419
02:21:48.240 --> 02:21:52.080
getting a one-on-one with one of us, it would really, really be good for you.

2420
02:21:53.360 --> 02:21:59.920
I really do believe it. Thank you, Eboni. I appreciate it. Yeah. I'll make that investment.

2421
02:22:02.080 --> 02:22:07.840
You're welcome. And D your next, but Prateet, when you're talking about dating someone with,

2422
02:22:08.640 --> 02:22:15.280
and you can be prepared, you dating someone that has a disability, you have to accept for you,

2423
02:22:15.280 --> 02:22:19.120
if you're willing to accept that disability or not, you don't have to live in fear.

2424
02:22:19.120 --> 02:22:24.000
You can live in the present. And it's not a slight to a person that if I tell them because of this,

2425
02:22:24.000 --> 02:22:29.040
I don't want to be with them, that's hard. Well, that is the truth. And so you can tell a person

2426
02:22:29.040 --> 02:22:33.600
I've enjoyed getting to know you. How do I know how hard it is to do? Because I had to do it.

2427
02:22:33.600 --> 02:22:38.560
I was in a marriage minded relationship. I shared this with you all. And he was a absolutely great,

2428
02:22:38.560 --> 02:22:42.560
fantastic, wonderful man, committed to righteousness. My community loved him.

2429
02:22:42.560 --> 02:22:48.640
His community loved me. We had a wonderful kingdom marriage minded relationship, but he was legally

2430
02:22:48.640 --> 02:22:55.680
blind. And by the six months, the more time I spent with him, I realized that at the capacity

2431
02:22:56.480 --> 02:23:01.600
that I was moving at the way that I move, not the capacity, the way I move that it just wasn't

2432
02:23:01.600 --> 02:23:06.880
going to work. And it broke my heart because I wasn't rejecting him, but I didn't have the capacity

2433
02:23:06.880 --> 02:23:12.560
for that. But it took a while for me to figure it out. So you think that you're leading a person on,

2434
02:23:12.560 --> 02:23:17.520
but it's not true. You have to wait till some things subside, the enjoying how he treats you

2435
02:23:17.520 --> 02:23:20.960
and you treat him, how you consider everything because they really are a good person. They really

2436
02:23:20.960 --> 02:23:25.520
are kind. They really are honorable. They really are righteous. They really are those things.

2437
02:23:26.320 --> 02:23:30.560
But you have to walk that journey out sometimes. But if you know from the beginning,

2438
02:23:30.560 --> 02:23:35.120
you just have to say, look, I think you're a great person, but I don't believe I can long-term

2439
02:23:35.120 --> 02:23:41.440
live with this disability that you have. I have been a caretaker most of my life, and I don't

2440
02:23:41.440 --> 02:23:50.080
want to invest in that. So every person is different. Everybody meets somebody that has

2441
02:23:50.080 --> 02:23:57.040
capacity for who they are in the fullness of who they are. And so they have their people who marry

2442
02:23:57.040 --> 02:24:03.680
quadriplegics every day. They have the capacity for that. I don't have the capacity for that.

2443
02:24:03.680 --> 02:24:07.200
Yeah. There are people that carry capacity for things.

2444
02:24:07.200 --> 02:24:11.600
Yeah. There was this lawyer that wanted to date me also, vision issues, disability.

2445
02:24:12.560 --> 02:24:20.800
And I also noticed, I mean, my little brother was disabled and he found a wife who was just

2446
02:24:20.800 --> 02:24:25.440
like him. And they were the cutest couple. My brother passed away last year.

2447
02:24:27.600 --> 02:24:34.400
Thank you. Thank you. So special. But I think because I've known firsthand, I was like,

2448
02:24:34.960 --> 02:24:41.600
I just can't. I feel like I see myself. And he was a lot thinner than I was. I was like,

2449
02:24:41.600 --> 02:24:48.000
I think I can carry this guy. I don't want to do that. Thank you, ladies.

2450
02:24:48.080 --> 02:24:55.600
You're welcome. Okay. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome. Yeah. So great. All right, ladies,

2451
02:24:55.600 --> 02:24:58.800
if you're hanging on, please don't hang on. You can get out the line if you would like,

2452
02:24:58.800 --> 02:24:59.920
this is Willow is now.

2453
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:02.840
I'm 30, so I haven't been to work in three days.

2454
02:25:02.840 --> 02:25:07.240
So, but you don't have to hang on to stay in the session.

2455
02:25:07.240 --> 02:25:08.080
Drop out.

2456
02:25:08.080 --> 02:25:09.520
It is totally fine.

2457
02:25:09.520 --> 02:25:11.360
I hope that helped Priti.

2458
02:25:11.360 --> 02:25:13.040
Go ahead, Dee, what were you gonna say?

2459
02:25:13.040 --> 02:25:15.440
If it didn't send my message.

2460
02:25:15.440 --> 02:25:16.960
I appreciate you.

2461
02:25:16.960 --> 02:25:20.480
Hello, I appreciate you taking my...

2462
02:25:20.480 --> 02:25:22.040
Okay, so I posted a couple,

2463
02:25:22.040 --> 02:25:23.560
well, six hours ago now it looks like.

2464
02:25:23.560 --> 02:25:24.400
So I don't know if you,

2465
02:25:24.400 --> 02:25:26.000
I imagine you haven't had a chance to see it,

2466
02:25:26.000 --> 02:25:28.120
but I'm having a,

2467
02:25:30.480 --> 02:25:33.560
no good time because of what happened.

2468
02:25:33.560 --> 02:25:35.080
And I explained what happened.

2469
02:25:36.360 --> 02:25:39.840
To someone that I used to date that I was really into,

2470
02:25:39.840 --> 02:25:41.320
I really thought something was going,

2471
02:25:41.320 --> 02:25:42.600
we were going somewhere.

2472
02:25:44.240 --> 02:25:47.760
Essentially, I blocked him, blessed him last year.

2473
02:25:49.120 --> 02:25:52.040
It was like two years and I let him hurt me twice.

2474
02:25:52.040 --> 02:25:54.640
I felt so silly, feels foolish, so everything.

2475
02:25:57.920 --> 02:25:59.320
And I noticed this morning,

2476
02:25:59.480 --> 02:26:02.440
I'm in my swing, I'm going, things are happening.

2477
02:26:02.440 --> 02:26:03.600
I'm building momentum.

2478
02:26:03.600 --> 02:26:06.320
You've seen the things that I've accomplished

2479
02:26:06.320 --> 02:26:08.360
and I'm still moving towards things.

2480
02:26:08.360 --> 02:26:13.360
And straight up, the enemy's trying to take me out, right?

2481
02:26:13.400 --> 02:26:15.280
You know how it is, you get something happening

2482
02:26:15.280 --> 02:26:16.560
and then boom.

2483
02:26:16.560 --> 02:26:19.280
And so this person who I blocked,

2484
02:26:19.280 --> 02:26:23.960
I noticed a text this morning that he'd sent on Sunday

2485
02:26:23.960 --> 02:26:27.400
saying that, hello, this is me, this is my new number.

2486
02:26:27.400 --> 02:26:30.600
So that's how he got through to me, new number.

2487
02:26:30.600 --> 02:26:32.960
But what got me more, I was kind of just like,

2488
02:26:32.960 --> 02:26:34.840
meh, I am tired.

2489
02:26:34.840 --> 02:26:36.160
I will say that I've been tired lately,

2490
02:26:36.160 --> 02:26:37.600
just in the sense of exhaustion.

2491
02:26:37.600 --> 02:26:40.320
I'm not sleeping a lot and it's not problematic.

2492
02:26:40.320 --> 02:26:42.240
It's just that I'm working.

2493
02:26:42.240 --> 02:26:44.320
I've just got things to do and I'm loving it.

2494
02:26:44.320 --> 02:26:46.160
But anyway, so this might be partly

2495
02:26:46.160 --> 02:26:48.240
why I'm feeling a bit off.

2496
02:26:48.240 --> 02:26:51.680
However, the last three digits of his number, 666.

2497
02:26:51.680 --> 02:26:54.280
Now, I don't know about you, but for me personally,

2498
02:26:54.280 --> 02:26:56.280
for me personally, that's a silly thing to say.

2499
02:26:56.280 --> 02:27:00.360
Personally, when I see things like that, it's a sign.

2500
02:27:00.360 --> 02:27:02.880
And it's always a warning, always in my life, right?

2501
02:27:02.880 --> 02:27:04.840
I'm not being superstitious.

2502
02:27:04.840 --> 02:27:06.840
It's just a thing that I, you know?

2503
02:27:06.840 --> 02:27:08.320
And it was like, whoo, you know?

2504
02:27:08.320 --> 02:27:09.560
So I'm like, who is that?

2505
02:27:09.560 --> 02:27:10.400
Which is a good thing.

2506
02:27:10.400 --> 02:27:12.240
I didn't even recognize, he said, you know,

2507
02:27:12.240 --> 02:27:13.520
please name like where he's from.

2508
02:27:13.520 --> 02:27:14.360
And I'm like, huh?

2509
02:27:14.360 --> 02:27:16.440
Cause we were really close.

2510
02:27:16.440 --> 02:27:18.640
And I didn't even recognize who it was.

2511
02:27:18.640 --> 02:27:19.480
So that's a good thing.

2512
02:27:19.480 --> 02:27:20.960
So it's not like I've, you know,

2513
02:27:20.960 --> 02:27:22.760
like I've been holding a torch for him or anything.

2514
02:27:22.760 --> 02:27:25.800
I'm really kind of, cut the salt eyes,

2515
02:27:26.200 --> 02:27:27.240
all of that last year.

2516
02:27:27.240 --> 02:27:29.960
But I'm feeling that, again, it might be because I'm tired,

2517
02:27:29.960 --> 02:27:33.040
but there's something still that I need to let go of.

2518
02:27:33.040 --> 02:27:34.200
That's the bottom line.

2519
02:27:35.520 --> 02:27:38.960
But I'm bothered, I'm rankled.

2520
02:27:38.960 --> 02:27:43.560
Yeah, I'm like, oh, you know, like I blocked it.

2521
02:27:43.560 --> 02:27:47.000
I prayed, I worried, I declared, I did all the things,

2522
02:27:47.000 --> 02:27:50.000
you know, I can see what's happening,

2523
02:27:50.000 --> 02:27:51.960
potentially what's trying to happen spiritually.

2524
02:27:51.960 --> 02:27:55.400
Like I said, you know, it's just a thing to derail me,

2525
02:27:56.000 --> 02:27:57.440
potentially if I let it, you know,

2526
02:27:57.440 --> 02:27:59.160
I'm strong-minded, all the things,

2527
02:27:59.160 --> 02:28:00.360
but I'm just being straight out.

2528
02:28:00.360 --> 02:28:01.480
Who do I talk to about this?

2529
02:28:01.480 --> 02:28:03.240
So I thought, let me come on this call

2530
02:28:03.240 --> 02:28:04.680
and see if I'll be able to talk.

2531
02:28:04.680 --> 02:28:08.920
Even if I have to book a private session, that's fine.

2532
02:28:08.920 --> 02:28:10.400
But I'm bothered.

2533
02:28:10.400 --> 02:28:13.360
I'm kind of like, not like seeing their obsessing about it,

2534
02:28:13.360 --> 02:28:15.760
but it's like a little bit of a,

2535
02:28:15.760 --> 02:28:18.800
and I feel like there's more him, like I'm not,

2536
02:28:18.800 --> 02:28:21.640
I haven't allowed my, I thought I was over him.

2537
02:28:21.640 --> 02:28:24.480
I might be over him, but I'm bothered.

2538
02:28:24.480 --> 02:28:26.320
I don't know, maybe I'm not explaining myself,

2539
02:28:26.320 --> 02:28:28.440
but I blocked it.

2540
02:28:28.440 --> 02:28:29.320
I deleted it again.

2541
02:28:29.320 --> 02:28:30.640
I deleted this new number.

2542
02:28:30.640 --> 02:28:32.720
I didn't, I just saw the 666.

2543
02:28:32.720 --> 02:28:35.280
And for me, what you were saying to Mandy about,

2544
02:28:35.280 --> 02:28:37.080
because wisdom for me has always been a thing for me

2545
02:28:37.080 --> 02:28:38.880
and I'm really going in full on.

2546
02:28:38.880 --> 02:28:43.880
The past three years, I've really been seeking wisdom.

2547
02:28:43.880 --> 02:28:46.600
My mouth, oh, I don't want to speak, curse myself,

2548
02:28:46.600 --> 02:28:50.080
but let's just say verbally, you know,

2549
02:28:50.080 --> 02:28:51.560
yeah, I have to watch what I say as well.

2550
02:28:51.560 --> 02:28:53.560
So I totally get what Mandy was mentioning,

2551
02:28:53.560 --> 02:28:56.840
but the point is, is that what happened

2552
02:28:56.840 --> 02:28:58.000
with the last time I saw him,

2553
02:28:58.000 --> 02:29:00.200
the last day we went on last year,

2554
02:29:00.200 --> 02:29:02.040
I was, I confided in him.

2555
02:29:02.040 --> 02:29:03.440
Something that had happened.

2556
02:29:04.360 --> 02:29:05.720
I tried to make a video about this.

2557
02:29:05.720 --> 02:29:08.120
It didn't upload in the app,

2558
02:29:08.120 --> 02:29:11.360
but essentially I was attacked by a business owner,

2559
02:29:12.280 --> 02:29:14.960
or the premises of the business office space

2560
02:29:14.960 --> 02:29:16.000
that I was renting.

2561
02:29:20.400 --> 02:29:22.280
So it set me back about a while.

2562
02:29:22.360 --> 02:29:24.320
This is like about 2024 now.

2563
02:29:24.320 --> 02:29:25.800
I've lost track of time because it was 2023,

2564
02:29:25.800 --> 02:29:28.680
the fires, 2024, it was just all these things.

2565
02:29:28.680 --> 02:29:30.040
But the point is, is that I can fight.

2566
02:29:30.040 --> 02:29:33.480
When we finally, he and I got together,

2567
02:29:33.480 --> 02:29:34.320
it was different.

2568
02:29:34.320 --> 02:29:36.120
I was stronger and I was just like,

2569
02:29:36.120 --> 02:29:38.120
you know, I've forgiven him, but I'm not dating him.

2570
02:29:38.120 --> 02:29:39.400
You know, he wanted to see me

2571
02:29:39.400 --> 02:29:41.080
and I thought it can't hurt, I'm strong.

2572
02:29:41.080 --> 02:29:43.520
This was last, probably this time last year,

2573
02:29:43.520 --> 02:29:45.040
I've lost track of time,

2574
02:29:45.040 --> 02:29:46.760
but that's the last time I saw this person

2575
02:29:46.760 --> 02:29:48.200
who's just surfaced again.

2576
02:29:48.200 --> 02:29:50.840
And we had, I should have, that was a lot.

2577
02:29:50.880 --> 02:29:52.280
But like the first time we saw each other,

2578
02:29:52.280 --> 02:29:53.400
I should have left it there.

2579
02:29:53.400 --> 02:29:55.800
It was like, I knew that in my heart

2580
02:29:55.800 --> 02:29:57.720
that I'm not bothered about him anymore,

2581
02:29:57.720 --> 02:29:59.040
if that makes sense.

2582
02:29:59.040 --> 02:30:00.080
But me being.

2583
02:30:00.000 --> 02:30:05.200
it was a boundary thing. He's like, you know, do you want to see each other again? And I said yes.

2584
02:30:05.760 --> 02:30:12.960
So it's kind of like I didn't stand firm. So anyway, at the final day, I told him what happened

2585
02:30:12.960 --> 02:30:17.760
because we were catching up. He actually apologised for what he'd done the year before. He realised in

2586
02:30:17.760 --> 02:30:21.280
his heart, I never said anything, I wasn't holding anything against him, in my mind I'd forgiven him,

2587
02:30:21.280 --> 02:30:25.920
you know, and he literally let out, you know, I really felt bad, I was so bad, the way I treat

2588
02:30:26.400 --> 02:30:32.160
just disappeared and all of that. And so for some reason, I opened up and told him what happened.

2589
02:30:33.680 --> 02:30:40.480
I would say he's a man, he's a masculine man, he's a man-man. And I felt like he had me.

2590
02:30:41.520 --> 02:30:47.840
I misunderstood. It wasn't like a romantic thing, it was just like a guy. I didn't have anyone

2591
02:30:47.840 --> 02:30:53.200
around at that point that I could just lean on and just cry, you know, and I really felt like

2592
02:30:53.200 --> 02:30:58.880
I could. I felt like we were maybe moving towards a friendship, maybe, not friendship, but just

2593
02:30:58.880 --> 02:31:05.280
anyway, I felt safe. I misunderstood because I'd spilled it all, I was

2594
02:31:07.360 --> 02:31:14.720
crying out. And then he went just weird. And I'm not blaming him. This is what happened anyway.

2595
02:31:14.720 --> 02:31:20.240
And then after that, he literally, there was no text, no comments. We were very, he and I very

2596
02:31:20.240 --> 02:31:23.840
much, we don't text, we'd rather speak to each other, but we text or arrange to meet up.

2597
02:31:24.480 --> 02:31:30.320
But anyway, the point is, this is a whole year ago. And I realized I was mad at myself, because it was

2598
02:31:30.320 --> 02:31:35.360
ultimately, I don't even like him anymore. So I was mad at myself for going out with him more than I

2599
02:31:35.360 --> 02:31:41.200
should have. And then I spilled all this private stuff that nobody else had. I told my best friend

2600
02:31:41.200 --> 02:31:46.480
back in England, and I told my daughter and my son-in-law, but they're far away. So I hadn't

2601
02:31:46.480 --> 02:31:49.760
been able to tell. And there's more that happened, I won't say it now, because we're on camera. But

2602
02:31:50.960 --> 02:31:58.160
it wasn't a sexual thing. But this guy, it violated my person, you know, violated my person.

2603
02:31:58.160 --> 02:32:03.120
And it was a really horrible experience. So I thought I could just tell him, because I thought I

2604
02:32:03.120 --> 02:32:09.920
could. And he, anyway, the point is, is that I didn't hear from him for a few days. I thought, wow,

2605
02:32:09.920 --> 02:32:14.320
you know, like, and then it was like, what did you expect? And were you expecting him to, you know,

2606
02:32:14.320 --> 02:32:17.600
I was all through it with myself, you know, with my own mind, like, it wasn't like,

2607
02:32:18.560 --> 02:32:24.960
but it was the way that he just disappeared. It was like, oh, so then, no, this is last year.

2608
02:32:26.080 --> 02:32:31.200
And that's why I blocked it when I eventually texted him. So I kind of didn't care. I didn't

2609
02:32:31.200 --> 02:32:36.320
care about, it wasn't like a romantic feeling. It was just feeling like, well, you tell someone

2610
02:32:36.320 --> 02:32:40.560
something and they just disappear. So I worked with that on my own heart, you know, like, what

2611
02:32:40.640 --> 02:32:46.080
do you expect? I don't expect things from people. But now he's resurfaced.

2612
02:32:46.080 --> 02:32:52.000
Now he's resurfaced. So I basically said goodbye last year, sent him a text, kind of, you know,

2613
02:32:52.000 --> 02:32:55.280
thank you for your efforts, because he had been trying to make amends with me.

2614
02:32:55.920 --> 02:33:01.600
I hadn't heard from him for days after I'd spilled my guts on that day. And I just was like, goodbye.

2615
02:33:01.600 --> 02:33:06.880
And I did my own internal bless, block, delete. And we had a history, I deleted everything. And

2616
02:33:06.960 --> 02:33:11.840
I'm that person, usually, that hangs on to, you know, just because, it doesn't matter. Anyway,

2617
02:33:11.840 --> 02:33:17.200
blocked it, moving on with my life. As you know, I've been not dating for a few, well, maybe weeks

2618
02:33:17.200 --> 02:33:23.280
now, since maybe November. I finally get this nudge from Holy Spirit, like, you know, it's time,

2619
02:33:23.280 --> 02:33:28.160
get back on the apps, Sunday. So it's like, maybe Sunday was the day that something happened and

2620
02:33:28.160 --> 02:33:32.800
shifted, because Sunday was the day that I was like, okay, and then I finally got back on the

2621
02:33:32.800 --> 02:33:36.800
apps yesterday. So it's kind of like a separate thing. And then today, I don't usually check this,

2622
02:33:36.800 --> 02:33:41.760
my phone a lot. And this is my Google Voice number, he has my real number, and he has my

2623
02:33:45.920 --> 02:33:50.080
but the point is, I looked down as I'm doing something earlier today. And I saw,

2624
02:33:50.080 --> 02:33:55.440
I was on a call. And I saw this text. And I'm like, oh, it's like, you know, it's the area code.

2625
02:33:55.440 --> 02:33:59.600
And it's on my California number, which is a business line, my Google Voice,

2626
02:34:00.400 --> 02:34:04.960
an old business. And so I was like, oh, maybe it's someone, you know, I was curious to who it was.

2627
02:34:04.960 --> 02:34:09.120
And that's when I saw it. And then I saw the number. And then I saw the 666. And to me, that's

2628
02:34:09.120 --> 02:34:13.200
just a red alert. For me, that's just like, don't, it happens with when clients come to me, or people

2629
02:34:13.200 --> 02:34:17.840
want to be a client, for instance. Anyway, I have to explain 666, when I see that number, it's a no

2630
02:34:17.840 --> 02:34:24.880
for me. So it was kind of like all these different kind of emotions. I looked at it, I felt a bit

2631
02:34:24.880 --> 02:34:38.000
like, okay, it's him. Oh, 666. No, not engaging, didn't respond. Posted the post in the app

2632
02:34:39.040 --> 02:34:44.000
here. And then, you know, I prayed on it, like, Lord, you know, now I need healing.

2633
02:34:44.640 --> 02:34:49.280
I know there's something that needs to be released. I feel that way. But I blessed,

2634
02:34:49.280 --> 02:34:53.200
I blocked, I deleted, I haven't responded. I don't intend to. I mean, as far as I'm concerned,

2635
02:34:53.200 --> 02:34:59.760
I'm done. I don't want to ever see him again. But I just want to force him.

2636
02:35:00.000 --> 02:35:04.880
So you are, you are upset by the trigger that happened.

2637
02:35:06.160 --> 02:35:07.000
Not trigger.

2638
02:35:08.440 --> 02:35:09.280
I don't know.

2639
02:35:09.280 --> 02:35:11.480
I'm literally, I'm talking now

2640
02:35:11.480 --> 02:35:13.360
because I'm just like letting it out.

2641
02:35:13.360 --> 02:35:15.000
I don't know what's happening.

2642
02:35:15.000 --> 02:35:17.440
So I want to share something with you.

2643
02:35:17.440 --> 02:35:19.400
You see his number, you haven't talked to him forever.

2644
02:35:19.400 --> 02:35:22.760
There was a really big scar there, but you really liked him.

2645
02:35:22.760 --> 02:35:26.120
And sometimes we like to skip over that part.

2646
02:35:26.120 --> 02:35:28.840
It was nothing wrong with you liking him.

2647
02:35:28.880 --> 02:35:32.000
You may like him for five years from now.

2648
02:35:32.000 --> 02:35:35.040
My very first boyfriend that I dated for seven years

2649
02:35:35.040 --> 02:35:38.200
back leaving high school and the first part of college,

2650
02:35:38.200 --> 02:35:41.280
he's married now, but I'm very aware of the fact

2651
02:35:41.280 --> 02:35:42.840
that he really was my first love.

2652
02:35:42.840 --> 02:35:47.840
And it took, and I was still very aware that that's true.

2653
02:35:50.080 --> 02:35:53.440
It's true that I really loved him.

2654
02:35:54.680 --> 02:35:57.400
And I don't mind honoring that in my heart,

2655
02:35:57.440 --> 02:35:58.320
but he has a wife.

2656
02:35:58.320 --> 02:36:02.240
So I can't imagine us being together, nor do I want to.

2657
02:36:02.240 --> 02:36:03.320
Are you with me Dee?

2658
02:36:03.320 --> 02:36:04.960
It seems like your screen froze.

2659
02:36:07.360 --> 02:36:10.640
Oh, did I freeze or did Dee freeze y'all?

2660
02:36:11.760 --> 02:36:12.600
She's frozen.

2661
02:36:12.600 --> 02:36:13.440
It was Dee.

2662
02:36:13.440 --> 02:36:16.600
Dee, did you hear me?

2663
02:36:16.600 --> 02:36:18.240
Yeah, I can now.

2664
02:36:18.240 --> 02:36:19.080
Okay.

2665
02:36:19.080 --> 02:36:21.520
So it's nothing wrong with you accepting the fact

2666
02:36:21.520 --> 02:36:23.560
that you really liked him.

2667
02:36:23.560 --> 02:36:25.040
It's nothing wrong with you.

2668
02:36:25.040 --> 02:36:28.080
So you're reliving how he treated you and it hurts

2669
02:36:28.080 --> 02:36:29.600
and that's what's happening.

2670
02:36:29.600 --> 02:36:33.480
But you also can say, I really liked him and he hurt me.

2671
02:36:33.480 --> 02:36:35.400
He reached out to me.

2672
02:36:35.400 --> 02:36:38.640
Man, I blocked him and I did all those things,

2673
02:36:38.640 --> 02:36:40.200
but attached to his number,

2674
02:36:40.200 --> 02:36:42.880
attached to him are these memories.

2675
02:36:42.880 --> 02:36:46.720
And as they come up, you can say, yeah, that did hurt.

2676
02:36:46.720 --> 02:36:48.480
Man, that felt bad.

2677
02:36:48.480 --> 02:36:51.320
And then you can ask the Lord, just write it out.

2678
02:36:51.320 --> 02:36:55.960
What, you go back through the soul type breaking process.

2679
02:36:55.960 --> 02:36:58.200
It don't matter how many times you do it, just do it.

2680
02:36:58.200 --> 02:36:59.680
Say, Lord, what are you uncovering?

2681
02:36:59.680 --> 02:37:01.360
What's happening in me?

2682
02:37:01.360 --> 02:37:03.120
And then you're going to say, you know what?

2683
02:37:03.120 --> 02:37:03.960
Thank you, Lord.

2684
02:37:03.960 --> 02:37:05.880
I give back whatever his name is,

2685
02:37:05.880 --> 02:37:08.360
everything that he gave to me that belongs to him.

2686
02:37:08.360 --> 02:37:11.560
And I take back everything that belongs to me from him.

2687
02:37:11.560 --> 02:37:13.320
And it doesn't, the reason why you can't say,

2688
02:37:13.320 --> 02:37:14.160
well, I already broke, you know,

2689
02:37:14.160 --> 02:37:15.360
sometimes we're like, well, I did that.

2690
02:37:15.360 --> 02:37:16.200
I did that.

2691
02:37:16.200 --> 02:37:18.760
Do it again because it's resurfaced.

2692
02:37:18.800 --> 02:37:20.600
And it doesn't even mean something deep

2693
02:37:20.600 --> 02:37:22.440
in your heart has to happen,

2694
02:37:22.440 --> 02:37:25.680
but attached to that is that you liked him a lot.

2695
02:37:25.680 --> 02:37:26.520
You trusted him.

2696
02:37:26.520 --> 02:37:27.360
You confided in him.

2697
02:37:27.360 --> 02:37:28.200
And the reason why you did it

2698
02:37:28.200 --> 02:37:29.960
because you found him to be a safe space.

2699
02:37:29.960 --> 02:37:32.560
And it doesn't mean that he doesn't still care

2700
02:37:32.560 --> 02:37:34.400
with that little piece of your heart.

2701
02:37:35.480 --> 02:37:39.400
He betrayed you, but because you're not bitter

2702
02:37:39.400 --> 02:37:42.360
and operating in unforgiveness and you forgiving him,

2703
02:37:42.360 --> 02:37:45.920
you don't have to deny what he was, what he did do,

2704
02:37:45.920 --> 02:37:47.760
how he did make you feel.

2705
02:37:47.760 --> 02:37:50.800
Both of these things can be true at the same time

2706
02:37:50.800 --> 02:37:52.680
while you make a wise decision.

2707
02:37:54.840 --> 02:37:58.320
You don't have to, one doesn't have to block out the other.

2708
02:37:58.320 --> 02:37:59.760
And I really want you to get,

2709
02:37:59.760 --> 02:38:02.040
I hope you can hear me even though you're frozen.

2710
02:38:02.040 --> 02:38:04.560
Give space for that to happen within you.

2711
02:38:04.560 --> 02:38:07.520
Honor what you did enjoy and then give him back

2712
02:38:07.520 --> 02:38:09.160
all those other things that he gave you

2713
02:38:09.160 --> 02:38:11.480
that you no longer want ownership of.

2714
02:38:14.920 --> 02:38:16.040
Are we together, Dee?

2715
02:38:18.360 --> 02:38:20.760
Oh, hope she didn't freeze forever.

2716
02:38:20.760 --> 02:38:22.080
But if she started back talking,

2717
02:38:22.080 --> 02:38:23.440
I'll start back talking to her.

2718
02:38:23.440 --> 02:38:25.720
Ladies, it is 9.39.

2719
02:38:25.720 --> 02:38:27.840
Dee, I'm still here.

2720
02:38:27.840 --> 02:38:30.040
And you guys, it's been a long,

2721
02:38:30.040 --> 02:38:31.840
this is a long time right here,

2722
02:38:31.840 --> 02:38:33.240
but you guys have a good night.

2723
02:38:33.240 --> 02:38:35.040
I want to be able to take some of your questions

2724
02:38:35.040 --> 02:38:36.360
like the last two times.

2725
02:38:36.360 --> 02:38:39.480
And Priti, will you post that on the wall for me?

2726
02:38:39.480 --> 02:38:42.000
Because somebody having health issues,

2727
02:38:42.000 --> 02:38:44.280
arthritis, diabetes, and all those types.

2728
02:38:44.280 --> 02:38:45.960
If they have diabetes and it's uncontrolled,

2729
02:38:45.960 --> 02:38:46.800
they gonna get their leg cut out.

2730
02:38:47.000 --> 02:38:48.000
You're gonna have to take care of them.

2731
02:38:48.000 --> 02:38:49.760
Those are some things you have to consider.

2732
02:38:49.760 --> 02:38:51.040
And it is true.

2733
02:38:51.040 --> 02:38:52.880
If they end up with crippling arthritis,

2734
02:38:52.880 --> 02:38:55.080
what would that look like for your life together?

2735
02:38:55.080 --> 02:38:57.720
And so there's nothing wrong with that either, right?

2736
02:38:58.640 --> 02:39:01.680
And so post it and I'll go more into it.

2737
02:39:01.680 --> 02:39:02.520
All right.

2738
02:39:02.520 --> 02:39:03.640
So good night, ladies.

2739
02:39:03.640 --> 02:39:06.480
And Dee, did you hear the last part of what I said to you?

2740
02:39:08.120 --> 02:39:10.880
I heard honor what I enjoyed,

2741
02:39:10.880 --> 02:39:12.360
give back what I no longer want,

2742
02:39:12.360 --> 02:39:14.800
but then I got kicked out and came back again.

2743
02:39:14.800 --> 02:39:19.200
And yeah, so don't throw away what was good.

2744
02:39:19.200 --> 02:39:21.360
Hold on to those things that were good

2745
02:39:21.360 --> 02:39:23.800
because you know that those things are possible.

2746
02:39:23.800 --> 02:39:26.280
And then release those things that weren't so good.

2747
02:39:26.280 --> 02:39:28.240
I want you to do that activity

2748
02:39:28.240 --> 02:39:29.760
and I want you to see how your heart

2749
02:39:29.760 --> 02:39:31.920
is gonna feel the next day.

2750
02:39:31.920 --> 02:39:34.000
Because you need to allow yourself

2751
02:39:34.000 --> 02:39:36.360
to have the experience instead of believing,

2752
02:39:36.360 --> 02:39:37.400
well, he was this, he was that.

2753
02:39:37.400 --> 02:39:38.600
Like you got to put up a wall.

2754
02:39:38.600 --> 02:39:40.240
You don't have to guard yourself against him.

2755
02:39:40.240 --> 02:39:41.440
You're free from him.

2756
02:39:42.320 --> 02:39:44.800
And you liked him so much that at his number,

2757
02:39:44.800 --> 02:39:46.160
the fact that he reached back out,

2758
02:39:46.160 --> 02:39:47.880
meaning I really did mean something to him.

2759
02:39:47.880 --> 02:39:49.080
Because when somebody betrays you,

2760
02:39:49.080 --> 02:39:51.080
you wonder, did I mean anything to you?

2761
02:39:53.000 --> 02:39:55.200
You know, that you would treat me that way.

2762
02:39:55.200 --> 02:39:58.000
And so it can bring up all of those feelings

2763
02:39:58.000 --> 02:39:59.080
when they reach back out.

2764
02:39:59.080 --> 02:40:00.440
Like, oh, you're reaching.

2765
02:40:00.000 --> 02:40:07.040
out to me. I meant something to you. And you want to know that because you gave

2766
02:40:07.040 --> 02:40:10.740
him parts of you that you wouldn't have given to him otherwise unless you

2767
02:40:10.740 --> 02:40:17.000
believed that he had some found value in you. Does that make sense? And so you don't

2768
02:40:17.000 --> 02:40:20.220
have to throw the baby out with the bathwater. You don't have to

2769
02:40:20.220 --> 02:40:25.320
unrecognize something. Both can live in the same space.

2770
02:40:26.320 --> 02:40:31.600
I hope that helps. Let me know if it helps. Can you repost, go through the

2771
02:40:31.600 --> 02:40:38.000
process, and see if you have some relief? We'll do. Yeah? Thank you so much. You don't look like I helped you.

2772
02:40:38.000 --> 02:40:45.080
I don't know. It did? Oh, okay. I'm just, it's... You're processing. You did. You did. No, thank you.

2773
02:40:45.080 --> 02:40:51.000
You did. And it's just, I, who do I talk to about this? You know, that's, it's you, right?

2774
02:40:51.000 --> 02:40:59.600
It's the community. And so it's much more. And it's kind of like, I think I'll just book a, I'll schedule a private call because there's so much going on.

2775
02:40:59.600 --> 02:41:20.600
Oh, indeed. Another thing, if you wanted to, yeah, it is so much more and I can hear it. And I won't be able to address it all. But if you want to try to do a live again, so you can talk through it, I think you need to voice, because as you voice, all these things are coming up, and they need to come up and out. And so it would be good if you voiced it instead of writing it too.

2776
02:41:20.600 --> 02:41:32.200
So if you want to try to do another live, I want to tend to your heart. If I was sitting there beside you, I will hug you. And I can't be beside you, but I want to tend to your heart and I do care.

2777
02:41:32.200 --> 02:41:46.200
And so if you can get some of it out on a live post, that will be good. If you want to book a session, that will be good too. But I want to help you as much as I can to get you to a steady place to do what needs to be done.

2778
02:41:46.200 --> 02:41:59.400
And so sometimes when we allow both things to exist, we'll come to a place because there's some fears happening in you. Something's happening that we need to get to the bottom of.

2779
02:41:59.400 --> 02:42:18.600
And I know deep down that this is a healthy, this is a good, it's needed. Like I know that it's not happening at this time for no reason, as well as it could be maybe an adverse thing. It's also a very big thing for me. I know it. And so I can feel on the other side it's going to be massive. But right now it's, and right now it's just, there's more.

2780
02:42:18.600 --> 02:42:29.800
So I will, I will, I will try again. I've tried a few times and I kind of even tried on my computer because my phone won't let me do it. And I tried on my computer, wouldn't let it happen. We'll see.

2781
02:42:29.800 --> 02:42:51.800
Read down that, download, take the app out and reload it. Do the app again because someone just did one yesterday. So try to, sometimes it won't, it won't let me post sometimes. And so I have to take, redo, re-up. So just try it.

2782
02:42:51.800 --> 02:43:00.800
Try to book a session with us. I want to unpack that with you. We'll post what you can and then we'll break it in chunks and we'll go piece by piece.

2783
02:43:00.800 --> 02:43:11.800
Okay. So let me just pray with you. Pray us out. Father God, I thank you for your hand that is upon thee. I thank you that she's come to this place so that you can do a greater work in her heart.

2784
02:43:11.800 --> 02:43:33.800
And Father God, I know that you're with her. I know that she's not alone. I thank you for giving her revelation. I thank you for giving her wisdom. I thank you for giving her insight. And I thank you for the place that you bring her to of arrival and that when you clear this out, it makes way for her spirit mate so that she won't go into relationship with the fear that this is going to happen again because she knows what it feels like.

2785
02:43:33.800 --> 02:43:39.800
So thank you, Holy Spirit, for guiding her on this journey. In Jesus name. Amen.

2786
02:43:39.800 --> 02:43:44.800
Amen. Thank you. Thank you so much.

2787
02:43:44.800 --> 02:43:49.800
All right. Good night, ladies. Good night.

2788
02:43:49.800 --> 02:43:51.800
Thank you, Ebony. Good night, ladies.

2789
02:43:51.800 --> 02:43:53.800
You're welcome. Good night.