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Welcome to love seats, also known as ask Jackie.

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We have a full house tonight, or we will because we invited phase two to be with us.

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Go ahead and raise your hand if you are in phase two and not in VIP community that you're

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still over in the dating love story accelerator.

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We want to say hi to all these folks, all these new people.

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We have Alexandra and Rosanna and Lauren and Kelly.

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And be happy, bravely.

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Michelle is with us, Chantella, Paula, Christina, yes, Sienna, yes, yes, yes, Sennia, my husband

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has helped me with that.

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You guys know I am phonetically challenged.

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I have a hard time sounding things out.

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Kim, Lisa, Lindsay, Chicana.

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Yes.

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So that means if I've never seen the word before, it's really difficult for me to know

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what the word is, but I make do and I push through.

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Yes.

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Send me a got it.

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Yes.

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The word.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Sennia.

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Okay.

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I just make a mental note of that.

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All right.

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All right, everyone.

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We're going to have so much fun tonight.

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I requested phase two to come tonight because I want to dig into some things that I think

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are going to really help us going forward in 2026.

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And of course, I do have some loveseat questions.

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There are some people that put in questions.

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If you are in VIP community and you have never been to a loveseat before, but you are in

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VIP community, you have graduated from phase one and two, go ahead and raise your hand

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if you've never been to a loveseat before and you are in VIP community.

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Let's go ahead and see how many of those folks are in here.

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Okay.

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Pamela's here and Jennifer's here.

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I just want to encourage you guys to understand that you can put in questions ahead of time.

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We are going to do a lightning round of questions tonight.

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Guys will get to try to, I will try to get to your questions.

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I don't always see them though.

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I have kind of an interesting short story to share about that in a second.

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Felicia's here and Alla is here.

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Angela is here.

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So we have these at least once a month.

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We are going to be having a lot more coaching in VIP community with other coaches as well,

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because coaching is the name of the game for 2026.

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We want to get unstuck.

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We want to get moving forward.

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I gave some really hard advice to someone today.

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They got, they dropped into my DMs on Instagram and boy, are we going to talk about Instagram?

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We're going to talk about Instagram tonight and some of the things that I've been posting

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lately, but they dropped into my DMs on Instagram and they were, you know, they're a little upset.

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They're a little upset because, um, they haven't had success and they're no longer

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in this community.

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And I don't think that when they were even in this community that they really showed

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up, you know, very often they just kind of showed up sporadically and you know what kind

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of people do that?

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The kind of people that do that are people that they're not focused on being successful

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in this area of their life.

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They think that just because they signed up, doesn't, doesn't mean that they have to show

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up.

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Okay.

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No, no shame.

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And also no shade towards this person, because a lot of people do that.

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You know what?

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I signed up for a Pilates class at the end of last year, thinking I was going to go into

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2026 really flexible and fit.

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And I have yet to be at one Pilates class yet.

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All right.

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I signed up for Pilates as a little membership.

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And if you sign up, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta pay for at least six months.

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I used to belong to this Pilates studio.

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I quit, I fell off and I quit.

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And then I re-signed up at the end of 25 because I was like, okay, I'm ready to get back at

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it.

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You guys, it is February.

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I signed up in November.

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I want you to go ahead and weigh in, in the comments.

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Do you think that I'm serious about my fitness?

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Do you think I'm serious about my fitness?

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Rosanna's being fair.

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She's like, not yet, not yet, Jackie, but soon, soon.

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Other people are just like, nope, nope.

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Rosanna's like, not yet.

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You're going to get there.

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I believe in you.

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And I appreciate that.

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I appreciate that.

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And that's how I feel about all of you that just sporadically kind of come in and out.

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Look, when you're serious about something, you are going to focus.

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The best, one of the best things that I ever was told, and this was back in the day, I

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was told this.

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When you make up your mind to do something, you know that, you know, you need to do it.

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You also want to do it and you make up your mind that you're going to do it.

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Whatever distracts you is your enemy.

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Whenever you allow to distract you from that thing.

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is an enemy tactic.

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And the thing is, is it could be good kinds of distractions,

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but it's still an enemy tactic.

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So yes, I have a lot of distractions right now,

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serving people and doing things that are not bad, okay?

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I'm not sitting around watching soap operas,

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eating bonbons.

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Promise you that.

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I promise you.

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But at the same time, I am doing a lot of things

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instead of the things that I know that I need to do.

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And so we're all guilty of that.

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So I wasn't harsh.

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I didn't say it that way.

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When this person was like, yeah, well,

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this has worked for some of my friends

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and that's why I signed up.

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Some of my friends have gotten married through your program,

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but guess what?

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It didn't work for me, Jackie.

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And yet I know for a fact that this person was in and out.

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They just were here briefly and then they were gone.

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They didn't stay in, they didn't press in.

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And they also live in a place

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where there is a huge amount.

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In fact, I would dare to say,

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the largest amount of Christian singles

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live in Redding, California.

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The largest amount of Bible-believing,

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spirit-filled, eligible Christian singles

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live in a place called Redding, California.

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You guys, this is a very small town.

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It's a very little town.

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And you either go to the mega church that's there,

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Bethel Redding.

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You either go to that church

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when you live in this little town,

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work at that church,

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or you completely don't like that church.

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There's like three groups of people.

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There are the people that work at that church

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or go to that church.

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And then there's the people that don't like that church

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because it's taken over their little town, you know?

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And it's not a bad thing.

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Redding's an amazing place.

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I love visiting there.

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I love the town.

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I love all the little shops that are all over the town

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that are owned by believers.

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It's kind of like an experiment

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of what it would look like

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for the kingdom to take over an entire town.

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But what I do know about Redding,

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because I have a single city there

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and I've worked with singles there for over five years,

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and I've had a handful of success stories there.

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I've even match made some people there,

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but here's what I know about this,

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is that out of all the other cities

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and all the other states in the United States of America,

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per capita, I would venture,

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and I would bet that there are more eligible Christian men

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and women that are not married in that place

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than anywhere else,

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even though the population's a lot smaller.

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Just eligible, Bible-believing,

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spirit-filled, single men and women.

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Because there are so many of them, remember,

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because of this megachurch

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and all the people that come there

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to go to this ministry school

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called Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.

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And a lot of people go there to go to school,

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but then they don't leave.

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They go there and they stay there.

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And so here is the advice that I gave her,

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and I don't know if she saw it

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and I don't know if she likes it or doesn't like it,

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but I said, here's one thing that I do

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to help my people have success.

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And I know that I'm not your coach anymore,

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and I know that you're not in my program,

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but I'm gonna go ahead and give you a freebie,

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and that's get the heck out of this city.

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Get out of here.

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Why?

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Because when you have

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that many Christian singles concentrated,

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but you only have this amount of marriages,

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something's not jiving.

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Am I wrong?

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One plus one is not equaling two.

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Something is missing, and I'll tell you what it is.

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A lot of people have these really twisted

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and warped mindsets about what it is to date.

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And I went after this today,

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and that's why I invited phase two to come here,

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because this is a hill that I'm willing to die on.

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And that is eradicating religion from our love lives,

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eradicating the stuff that has us stuck.

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I will tell you, nine out of 10 times,

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the Christian singles that I work with are stuck

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because of some bad theology and teaching,

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some assumptions about the Bible,

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that are being taught as theology now.

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That is what has them stuck.

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And I don't like it.

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I can get up on a soapbox every day of the week

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and twice on Sundays to talk about this,

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because I believe that this is what has a lot of people

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stuck, not just in their love lives,

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but in all kinds of areas in their life.

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And I am committed to bringing the kingdom.

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I'm committed to bringing the kingdom of God.

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So this poor unsuspecting girl today on Instagram

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who has a lot of followers,

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over 200,000 followers, and she's young,

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I would guess she's probably in her early thirties.

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And she's been married for a year

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and she's already having a baby.

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And she made a video, unbeknownst to her,

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that was going to be sent to me.

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And I was going to make a response to it because it literally irritated my heart that much.

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It grieved me that much because it was all about how she hears all these people giving Christians

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advice to get on Christian dating apps or to put themselves out there or to meet multiple people.

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And she thinks that that's terrible. She thinks that that's, that's making marriage an idol.

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She thinks that, you know, um, if God wants you married, you need to just be on mission,

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just serving him. And he'll just drop someone into your stratosphere. Just all of the things

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that I am just fundamentally completely opposed to that are not biblical at all.

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But then she makes the mistake of going on to say that nowhere in the Bible does God tell a man or

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a woman to go pursue marriage. What? Excuse me? And then she uses Adam as an example. Well,

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first of all, y'all, he didn't pursue Eve because she wasn't created yet.

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I guarantee if she was just walking around the garden with her goddess self that he'd

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be after her like white on rice, but that's not the case. God said that there was a missing piece

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of his plan and he created her to fill it, which was marriage. And then we can't huge, you guys,

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we can't use all the other marriages in the Bible as a litmus test of what we should be doing in the

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year 2026. It doesn't age. Well, guys, the Bible doesn't age well. All right. As far as culturally

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and socially, it doesn't age. Well, yes, I believe it's the, it's the, um, it's the word of God. I

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believe that it's the inspired word of God, but the social constructs, they don't age. Well, do they?

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They don't age. Well, women were considered possessions because of the fall in the curse.

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Women were not treated that well in our patriarchal day. Were they? No, they weren't. Did women have

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a choice of who they were going to marry? No, they didn't. Your family was making transactions for

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you. And so all the examples that she was using, Isaac, you know, Oh, you know, was divinely led

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to his wife. Well, first of all, his father sent out a servant to go find the wife for Isaac. But

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second of all, he married his cousin. Jacob married his cousin cousins. He married two cousins that

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were sisters. Talk about not good ideas. Um, you know, uh, what's his face. Abraham was married to

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his niece. He was married to his mother's brother's daughter. You guys, these are problems because

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these are arranged marriages. We cannot be charting our course based on the marriage models

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in the Bible. They don't translate. Do you hear me? They don't translate. And don't even get me

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started on Boaz and Ruth, Ruth. Look, there was never a woman that pursued a man as hard as Ruth

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pursued Boaz. She pursued him. If you see anything else in that story, then you're reading that story

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wrong. And look, friends, that story could have gone one or two ways. The threshing floor, by the

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way, was kind of the after party after harvest. The men went into the threshing floor and they

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got drunk. There was there's prostitutes in there. Did you guys know that threshing floor was

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considered a promiscuous place at times she went in there and while he was drunk, passed out from

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drinking after the harvest. Yeah, this was Boaz. She uncovered his feet as if something was going

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on and put herself at them. Naomi told her to do this. Why? Because they were trying to trap

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this man. And if he was a man of integrity, then he was going to do the right thing by her,

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which was cover her shame and marry her, even though she was a foreigner. And if he wasn't

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going to do the right thing, it's a good thing he woke up and decided to do the right thing.

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He woke up and was like, OK, you're young. You chosen me instead of trying to go after a younger

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man. You're smart because I'm a sugar daddy. OK, I'm going to go ahead and cover you. I'm going to

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go ahead and marry you. Continue the lineage of your former husband. Right. But that could have

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gone really wrong. At the worst, she would have been shamed. She probably would have been kicked

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out because remember, she didn't have a social safety net. She was a foreigner. People were

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already suspicious of her. She was a moabite. So you guys, if we want to put it in practical,

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modern terms, you can really look at the story and say that it's a story of survival. It's not

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a love story. It's not a love story. You guys, there's nothing romantic about that story.

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Please. There's nothing romantic about it. If you see romance there, I want my Boaz.

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No, it's not a romantic story. It's a story of survival. Naomi and Ruth, they needed a champion.

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They needed a kinsman redeemer. They decided on Boaz because he was kind.

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He was already showing favor to Ruth because he felt

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sorry for her, letting her glean in his fields.

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And so they decided to go after him.

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You guys, they went after him.

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They went after him.

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So very, very important that we don't just allow people

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to throw the Bible at us and tell us,

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oh, the Bible doesn't say anything about dating.

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Of course not.

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Everyone was in arranged marriages.

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They were fricking marrying their family members.

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Do any of you want to marry your first or second cousin?

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By the way, until like later in Leviticus,

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it wasn't even illegal under the law

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to marry your own daughter.

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It wasn't even illegal under the law

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to marry your own full-blooded sister.

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It became illegal under the law later.

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And then you could only marry your cousins

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and nieces and nephews,

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but you could not marry your siblings or your parents.

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Does anyone else want to gag right now?

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Okay.

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So, please do not use the Bible

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as a manual for your love life.

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God didn't need to talk about dating

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just like he didn't need to talk about all the things

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that are happening in our modern age.

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These are modern problems, you guys.

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They're not mentioned in the Bible

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because that was not a modern society.

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The problems that they had about,

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you stole my cow, that was my cow.

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Nope, that was my cow.

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Well, I rolled over and suffocated my baby

305
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and she said it was her baby, but it's really my baby.

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You guys, these are the problems these folks had.

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We have different problems.

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We have problems that people don't stay

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in their families anymore.

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They move way across the world from their families.

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They're not part of tribal communities.

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Nobody knows anyone.

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We have eight plus billion strangers on the earth

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that now we're supposed to pick a partner from.

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I would submit to you that dating

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is actually a part of God's protection plan for you

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because if you go and sit in a waiting room

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like this young woman is telling you to do

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and then someone comes along, you're gonna be like,

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oh, I was waiting, so this must be him or this must be her.

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And a lot of times people marry those people

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on the signs instead of on wisdom

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and it turns out really badly, doesn't it?

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So please date people.

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Please get to know them.

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Please do your due diligence.

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Don't let anyone tell you that dating's not biblical.

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It is biblical for a modern age.

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It's 100% biblical.

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And if we're gonna go back into tribunal communities

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where we have arranged marriages, great,

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but we're not going to.

333
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So now we gotta do something different.

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And my book, Modern Dating Sucks

335
00:17:33.940 --> 00:17:35.620
is gonna talk about all of this.

336
00:17:35.620 --> 00:17:37.060
And I hope that you didn't get,

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00:17:37.060 --> 00:17:39.060
if you didn't get a copy, get a copy.

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We're a few weeks behind distribution,

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but hopefully we'll have our first copies out

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around Valentine's Day or the next week.

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For those of you that have signed up,

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you still get all those bonuses.

343
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And for 25 bucks for all of that, that's a good deal.

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That's a good deal.

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You know, that just reminded me of,

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that reminded me of my friend

347
00:17:57.820 --> 00:18:00.860
and she was teaching her little boy not to say bad words.

348
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And when I say bad words, I mean things like butt and fart

349
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and things that little boys just wanna say

350
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for whatever reason.

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So she was telling him all of the things

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that he wasn't allowed to say.

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And when David and I went to visit them

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because they were pastors

355
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and we were speaking at their church,

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he was, I don't know, probably about five years old.

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And he came up to us proudly and said,

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butt.

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And then he said, that's a bad wood.

360
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And then he said, fart.

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And he said, that's a bad wood.

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He literally repeated all the words to us

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just to let us know that that's a bad wood.

364
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And his mom was like,

365
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he really just wanted to say those words so bad

366
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that he found a loophole.

367
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He found a loophole in which he could say all the bad words.

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Dummy head, that's a bad wood.

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All right, so friends,

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00:18:54.940 --> 00:18:57.940
people always find a way around anything

371
00:18:57.940 --> 00:18:59.940
and do whatever they want anyway.

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But I hope that you guys go and check out

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that video on Instagram.

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Please leave a comment.

375
00:19:05.980 --> 00:19:09.900
Please support this deconstruction process of religion

376
00:19:09.900 --> 00:19:12.300
in our love lives that I'm trying to spearhead.

377
00:19:12.300 --> 00:19:14.940
And then go watch that, her video in its entirety.

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It's the one that the static picture is a pregnancy test

379
00:19:18.620 --> 00:19:19.860
on an ultrasound picture.

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00:19:19.860 --> 00:19:21.660
I think it's at the very top of her profile.

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And I tagged her profile.

382
00:19:22.940 --> 00:19:23.980
Not to hate on her, y'all.

383
00:19:23.980 --> 00:19:24.820
We're not hating on her.

384
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She's young.

385
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This is what she believes.

386
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But at the same time, it's dangerous teaching

387
00:19:31.420 --> 00:19:33.180
because it's gonna keep a lot of people stuck

388
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if they believe her, okay?

389
00:19:35.220 --> 00:19:37.220
So comment on my stuff, not hers.

390
00:19:37.220 --> 00:19:38.500
Do not come at her.

391
00:19:38.500 --> 00:19:40.940
If you are someone that's in my program,

392
00:19:40.940 --> 00:19:43.620
please do not come at her or anybody else

393
00:19:43.620 --> 00:19:48.220
that's talking about stuff that we know is not fully correct.

394
00:19:48.220 --> 00:19:50.180
All you have to do is just send me the video.

395
00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:52.340
One of you guys sent me this video to begin with.

396
00:19:52.340 --> 00:19:55.220
DM me a video if you want me to make a response to it.

397
00:19:55.220 --> 00:19:56.940
Say, hey Jackie, I hate this video.

398
00:19:56.940 --> 00:19:58.300
It really irks me.

399
00:19:58.300 --> 00:20:00.260
I would love to see a kingdom response.

400
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.760
Cause I wasn't mean guys. I didn't throw any shade at her. I just said, Hey, this is my

401
00:20:04.760 --> 00:20:10.240
take on this. All right, cool. All right. Let's get to love seeding. Anybody having

402
00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:21.240
fun yet? I'm having fun. All right. Oh, oh, oh. So back to the person that was just like,

403
00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:27.280
well, you always talk about their 1600 plus success stories, but you know, maybe you should

404
00:20:27.280 --> 00:20:33.720
talk about all of the people that have, you know, that haven't been successful. Well,

405
00:20:33.720 --> 00:20:39.240
I just want to let you guys know that year to not year to date, but to date, I know that

406
00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:42.960
she probably thinks this, and this is how I responded to her. I was like, Hey, I know

407
00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:46.200
you probably think that tens of thousands of people have taken my program. And I wish

408
00:20:46.200 --> 00:20:50.720
that was true because God has given us the ability to become supernaturally successful.

409
00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:55.160
And I believe that people that come in here, it's not about when I'm sorry, it's not about

410
00:20:55.160 --> 00:21:00.000
if it's just about when I believe that they continue to let God address where they might

411
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:05.160
be stuck, not where they're wrong, not where they're bad, but where they might be stuck.

412
00:21:05.160 --> 00:21:09.960
Like these religious blind spots that I'm talking about right now, they can go forward

413
00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:15.120
into a partnership. My core belief for this entire program is if you want a love story,

414
00:21:15.120 --> 00:21:20.800
you can have one and not just a human love story, but this love story and this love story

415
00:21:20.800 --> 00:21:25.800
and breakthrough and all the other areas of your life are the cherry on top. So I said,

416
00:21:25.800 --> 00:21:29.760
you know, I know you probably think that, uh, this is false advertising because I've

417
00:21:29.760 --> 00:21:34.640
had tens of thousands of students, but only 1600 plus of them have been successful. Well,

418
00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:39.840
my husband just handed me this piece of paper because I told her, I think I've only had

419
00:21:39.840 --> 00:21:47.120
to date maybe 6,000 students and their number is 5,801. So as you can see, those margins

420
00:21:47.120 --> 00:21:51.680
are actually pretty good and they're better margins. I mean, already 1600 plus success

421
00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:57.040
story, 1600 plus people engaged or married is already more success than anybody else

422
00:21:57.040 --> 00:22:04.680
in this Christian space. Okay. And maybe even in the secular space. So I'm just telling

423
00:22:04.680 --> 00:22:09.160
you, we give God all the glory. We know that he has graced us. He has blessed us and we're

424
00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:11.880
not going to back down. We're going to keep pushing forward. We're going to champion you

425
00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:15.760
guys. We're going to go after all these sacred cows and we're going to put them to the sword

426
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:22.880
and we're just going to keep going forward. Okay. So that's that. All right. That is that.

427
00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:31.600
Oh, by the way, you guys, I just want to let you know that I know we make fun of arc.

428
00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:40.160
I know we make fun of it. Let me actually, Hey, Hey, call Reagan and see if that got

429
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:45.200
put up in the resources yet. I was going to make an announcement. I'm going to wait and

430
00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:51.360
see. I'll put a pin in that. Somebody remind me about what I need to say about arc and what I

431
00:22:51.360 --> 00:23:00.480
was calling the community night at the prison. Okay. Community night at the local prison. Okay.

432
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:14.400
Okay. Okay. Ask if that can happen before the end of my broadcast.

433
00:23:17.600 --> 00:23:22.160
Just in phase two and three and the men's. Okay. All right. You guys, I will make that

434
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:27.120
announcement a little while. Okay. All right. Y'all let's do this. Let's do it. No. Yes.

435
00:23:27.600 --> 00:23:31.120
It's fine. It's fine, honey. No, just wait until I'm going to,

436
00:23:31.120 --> 00:23:35.120
I'm going to finish the statement, but I'm not going to finish it until the end of the broadcast.

437
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:43.360
David, if you need to help, then you help. Okay. All right. Let's do it. Let's do it.

438
00:23:43.360 --> 00:23:48.800
All right. I'm going to look and see if you guys, okay. So for those of you that are in VIP

439
00:23:48.800 --> 00:23:52.480
community, those of you that are visiting and getting a sneak peek in phase two, we'll see

440
00:23:52.560 --> 00:23:57.600
when you get to VIP community. But for those of you that are in VIP community, you can always put

441
00:23:59.360 --> 00:24:04.800
in the post that gets put up before ask Jackie, that you want to be in the love seat and you want

442
00:24:04.800 --> 00:24:09.280
to ask questions. Okay. And then you guys, we do, we'll do a lightning round and anyone who wants

443
00:24:09.280 --> 00:24:14.640
to ask questions can. All right. You guys no more talk about the arc. We're going to focus right now.

444
00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:20.560
And we're talking about the arc at the end. Okay. All right. Let's do it. All right. Sophie,

445
00:24:20.560 --> 00:24:27.920
Sophie, are you here? Fallen wider, fallen wider, fallen wider. You hear girl.

446
00:24:30.320 --> 00:24:38.880
So feet, so feet, so feet. Anyone? Okay. Moving on. Pamela, Liz, Pam petite. Are you here?

447
00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:48.000
Yep. I'm here. All right, girl. Hold on. We're going to spotlight you. And there she is. And

448
00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:52.320
I have known you and we know each other and I'm going to get spotlighted too. And there we are

449
00:24:52.320 --> 00:24:58.640
together. Okay. So let me just read this real quick. One year ago, Pam met a man. He had more

450
00:24:58.640 --> 00:24:59.760
than a year ago.

451
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.000
One year ago.

452
00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:02.000
Yeah.

453
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.000
Okay.

454
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:05.000
It's probably about a year and a half ago.

455
00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:06.000
Okay.

456
00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:08.000
And he had two of the three M's everyone.

457
00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:10.000
And those of you that are in VIP community,

458
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:13.000
you know that the three M's are mature,

459
00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:15.000
masculine and marriage minded,

460
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:18.000
but he was only looking for casual at the time.

461
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:20.000
So I'm assuming he was masculine and mature,

462
00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:21.000
but not marriage minded.

463
00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:23.000
He just didn't want marriage.

464
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:26.000
Then he had been married 42 years and was now divorced.

465
00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:28.000
And so we parted ways.

466
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:32.000
Now he texted you Saturday asking if he could call you, you chatted.

467
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:35.000
And then he drove two hours to meet you for lunch and chat.

468
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:39.000
Now he has the third M now he's marriage minded.

469
00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:41.000
You had a great conversation.

470
00:25:41.000 --> 00:25:44.000
You talk about what was important to each of you going forward and what

471
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:45.000
that would look like.

472
00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:48.000
You said that you need it to be communicating regularly.

473
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:52.000
Since you are just a few hours apart, you would need to be intentional.

474
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:56.000
He told you he is going to counseling to work through his past stuff.

475
00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:58.000
You're excited, but you're not sure how to proceed.

476
00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:01.000
His main concern is the distance and not wanting to choose wrong.

477
00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:04.000
He is 69. You are 65.

478
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:07.000
You said that you are both aligned spiritually and both active,

479
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:11.000
enjoy some of the same things. How long ago was this meetup?

480
00:26:13.000 --> 00:26:17.000
With, with him Sunday, Sunday. Okay.

481
00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:20.000
Like it's like two days, two days ago.

482
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.000
Like out of the, out of the blue, like we've gone on lots of,

483
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:28.000
lots of dates. He's he's driven up, called me. He's going to be in town.

484
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:32.000
We've gone for dinner. We've gone golfing. We've gone to church together.

485
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:36.000
And then before this,

486
00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:41.000
the last time we went out for dinner, I just kind of said like, you know,

487
00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:46.000
we'd been seeing each other and it was long.

488
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:51.000
Like we could go, he could go several weeks before I heard from him.

489
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:55.000
Long stretches. And I just asked him where he was at.

490
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:58.000
And that's when he told me he did want marriage,

491
00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:01.000
but he had to sort some things out. And I just said, well,

492
00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:04.000
I'm looking to date for marriage.

493
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:09.000
And so that was that Sunday or Saturday, like this past Saturday.

494
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:14.000
So January 31st, he texted me, asked if he could call, he called,

495
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.000
we chatted.

496
00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:18.000
I have a question when you said, Hey, I want to be married.

497
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:20.000
I want to be married and I'm dating for marriage.

498
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:21.000
And then you guys stopped talking.

499
00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:25.000
How long did you stop talking for before he reached out and said, Hey,

500
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:26.000
let's get together.

501
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:31.000
Probably about 10 months. Okay. Keep going. Yeah.

502
00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:36.000
Yeah. Out of the blue. And he, yeah, he just said that he,

503
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:40.000
when we met and,

504
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:45.000
and had lunch that that he was ready now that he sort of similar

505
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:47.000
situation, but we weren't broke up for 10 months.

506
00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:49.000
So a lot of people don't know this,

507
00:27:49.000 --> 00:27:53.000
but David and I were liking each other and just like she's talking about,

508
00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:55.000
he was mature. He was masculine.

509
00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:58.000
But just like she's talking about this man,

510
00:27:58.000 --> 00:28:01.000
he had been married for 15 years. His wife had left. It was abrupt.

511
00:28:01.000 --> 00:28:04.000
You know, yes, it had been two years since she left,

512
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:05.000
but he was still healing from it.

513
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.000
And I would be the very first person that he dated after his divorce.

514
00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:12.000
Two years before he met me. Okay.

515
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:15.000
Go ahead and get the math in your head. All right.

516
00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:17.000
So we were having fun. There was a lot of chemistry.

517
00:28:17.000 --> 00:28:19.000
There was a lot of compatibility. We were just friends.

518
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:23.000
And then we turned romantic. And as soon as it turned romantic ish,

519
00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:28.000
that's when he disappeared. He ghosted me. He was my next door neighbor.

520
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:31.000
So of course I know where you live, bro.

521
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:35.000
But there was, there was a lull in communication where he,

522
00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:36.000
and he was upfront with me.

523
00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:41.000
He told me when I kind of cornered him because he just stopped responding.

524
00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:43.000
And then I cornered him in his driveway,

525
00:28:43.000 --> 00:28:46.000
since he did live next door, that was very convenient. And I just said,

526
00:28:46.000 --> 00:28:50.000
what, what the heck's going on? And he was just like, I'm not ready for this.

527
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.000
Like, I'm not ready for like a serious situation. Okay.

528
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:59.000
So when he circled back around, which he did,

529
00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:02.000
just like this guy is doing the one thing that I had already said in my

530
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:05.000
heart, because when that happened, that really hurt me.

531
00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:08.000
And I was just like, you know, I really thought that this was something.

532
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.000
I thought that this was a God thing. I was really excited about it.

533
00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:15.000
I could see us getting married. In fact,

534
00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:18.000
we had already kind of talked about that a little bit, you know?

535
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:21.000
But the bottom line is, is that.

536
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:22.000
I just, I,

537
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:26.000
I released him to the Lord in the time between when he said that to me and

538
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:28.000
the time when he circled back around.

539
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:32.000
And I will say this.

540
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:36.000
When he did circle back around, I immediately was like,

541
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:40.000
in my heart, I was like, okay, if we're going to do this again,

542
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:42.000
something has to be very different.

543
00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:44.000
Right.

544
00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:47.000
Like I already knew he was a quality guy and I'm assuming that you think

545
00:29:47.000 --> 00:29:49.000
this man's a really quality guy. Okay.

546
00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:54.000
I said to him, I just want to let you know, this is God's truth.

547
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:57.000
I said to him, okay, where is this going?

548
00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:00.000
Because I'm a single mom.

549
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.740
Um, and I'm nobody's girlfriend.

550
00:30:03.420 --> 00:30:06.420
And that's when he told me I already bought the ring.

551
00:30:07.780 --> 00:30:12.260
So in his little time of kind of introspection and doing whatever he was

552
00:30:12.260 --> 00:30:16.200
doing, he knew that he did want to move forward and he wanted to move forward

553
00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:16.700
with me.

554
00:30:16.940 --> 00:30:21.000
And so I needed that level of intention in order to get back together with him

555
00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:22.880
again, cause I wasn't going to go back and forth.

556
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:24.720
I wasn't going to have my heart broken.

557
00:30:25.380 --> 00:30:27.420
Um, and I was not that healthy.

558
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:28.800
I wasn't as healthy as I am now.

559
00:30:28.800 --> 00:30:30.880
And I just really wasn't going to have my heart broken.

560
00:30:31.120 --> 00:30:36.880
So Pam, we gotta be very intentional about where this is going.

561
00:30:37.160 --> 00:30:38.600
You guys are old enough to know better.

562
00:30:39.480 --> 00:30:45.420
Like I said to him, like if, uh, he kind of left it that, um, like, like our

563
00:30:45.420 --> 00:30:49.380
conversation, he, he, we were fine.

564
00:30:49.620 --> 00:30:55.620
And he just said, um, and I told him like, it's, it's two, two and a half hours.

565
00:30:55.620 --> 00:30:56.940
So he's a little concerned.

566
00:30:56.940 --> 00:31:02.080
And I said, that doesn't, you know, the distance doesn't bother me.

567
00:31:02.420 --> 00:31:07.660
And, um, if I had to move to live where he lives, I was perfectly open

568
00:31:07.660 --> 00:31:10.640
cause God's already said, I, you know, if I move, I move.

569
00:31:11.120 --> 00:31:14.800
Um, but I just said to him like the communicate, he can't go long

570
00:31:14.800 --> 00:31:16.620
stretches with no communication.

571
00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:23.140
Um, it has to, I, you know, intentional moving forward and that, you know, we

572
00:31:23.700 --> 00:31:29.380
chat on the phone, if it went for a chunk where we couldn't meet that, you know,

573
00:31:29.380 --> 00:31:34.460
we would be needing to do like a FaceTime or a video so that we could stay, uh,

574
00:31:34.460 --> 00:31:40.240
connected and he just kind of left it that, um, you know, he's well, you know,

575
00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:43.220
I'm 69, I don't want to make, you know, I don't want to make a mistake.

576
00:31:43.220 --> 00:31:43.460
Okay.

577
00:31:43.460 --> 00:31:44.660
So let me ask you a question.

578
00:31:44.740 --> 00:31:45.580
He's 69.

579
00:31:45.580 --> 00:31:46.380
Is he retired?

580
00:31:47.540 --> 00:31:48.980
Uh, he still works.

581
00:31:49.060 --> 00:31:51.940
Um, he's fairly, huh?

582
00:31:52.420 --> 00:31:53.040
Do you still work?

583
00:31:53.500 --> 00:31:54.460
I still work part-time.

584
00:31:54.500 --> 00:31:54.740
Yep.

585
00:31:55.340 --> 00:31:55.740
Okay.

586
00:31:56.020 --> 00:31:58.660
Part-time in a career or just part-time at a part-time job?

587
00:31:59.580 --> 00:32:01.940
Uh, I teach math.

588
00:32:02.940 --> 00:32:03.420
All right.

589
00:32:03.460 --> 00:32:08.540
And is that, so what I'm trying to get at is that in order for you to go forward

590
00:32:08.560 --> 00:32:13.840
with this guy, I think that pretty soon in the very near future, because you, like

591
00:32:13.840 --> 00:32:15.840
you said, you guys had already hung out for a long time.

592
00:32:15.840 --> 00:32:18.420
You guys have already dated, you guys have already done all the things, you

593
00:32:18.420 --> 00:32:19.420
know, that you really like him.

594
00:32:19.420 --> 00:32:20.460
You guys know you're compatible.

595
00:32:20.500 --> 00:32:23.300
You know, you're, you know, have chemistry.

596
00:32:23.500 --> 00:32:28.300
The next step has to be who's going to move now.

597
00:32:28.300 --> 00:32:32.100
I'm not saying you move, but I'm saying if you've decided that you're going to

598
00:32:32.100 --> 00:32:37.180
move, then you need to make plans to go and spend some time up where he lives.

599
00:32:37.180 --> 00:32:40.060
You know, you need to do some life together day in and day out.

600
00:32:40.420 --> 00:32:43.980
So whether you do that on a break from school, I know spring break is coming up.

601
00:32:43.980 --> 00:32:47.340
There's different, like you need to, and the thing, and does he have community?

602
00:32:47.340 --> 00:32:48.300
Does he have friends?

603
00:32:48.300 --> 00:32:49.020
Does he have family?

604
00:32:49.020 --> 00:32:50.340
Does he have church where he lives?

605
00:32:50.580 --> 00:32:50.740
Okay.

606
00:32:50.740 --> 00:32:51.780
Someone can put you up.

607
00:32:51.820 --> 00:32:53.980
You don't have to spend a lot of money doing this.

608
00:32:53.980 --> 00:32:58.900
Somebody can put you up in order for you guys to spend a daily time together.

609
00:32:59.700 --> 00:33:00.140
Not

610
00:33:00.740 --> 00:33:05.420
because I've got, um, the school that I'm in, uh, not next week, the following

611
00:33:05.420 --> 00:33:06.460
week, I have a week off.

612
00:33:06.460 --> 00:33:08.380
I have two weeks off at spring break.

613
00:33:08.820 --> 00:33:12.300
Um, his daughter lives here.

614
00:33:12.420 --> 00:33:15.060
His son probably lives 10 minutes from me.

615
00:33:15.900 --> 00:33:16.220
Okay.

616
00:33:16.220 --> 00:33:19.380
But, but can he take off work?

617
00:33:19.460 --> 00:33:20.820
You can for sure.

618
00:33:20.860 --> 00:33:21.660
Can he, he can.

619
00:33:21.860 --> 00:33:22.980
Um, I think so.

620
00:33:23.620 --> 00:33:24.060
Okay.

621
00:33:24.540 --> 00:33:24.740
Yeah.

622
00:33:24.780 --> 00:33:26.500
Can he take weeks off of work?

623
00:33:27.020 --> 00:33:27.740
Probably not.

624
00:33:28.140 --> 00:33:28.460
Okay.

625
00:33:28.900 --> 00:33:33.100
So you need to get put up by someone up there that, that, and the other question

626
00:33:33.100 --> 00:33:36.020
that I have is that what kind of job does he have?

627
00:33:36.060 --> 00:33:37.340
Does he need to have it?

628
00:33:37.340 --> 00:33:40.260
Because it sounds like there's more people for both of you where

629
00:33:40.260 --> 00:33:41.580
you live than where he lives.

630
00:33:43.420 --> 00:33:45.020
Yeah.

631
00:33:45.020 --> 00:33:49.540
Um, yeah, I think there's some triggering there.

632
00:33:49.820 --> 00:33:55.060
Um, because his ex, his ex wife wanted to move to Calgary, um, to

633
00:33:55.060 --> 00:33:56.860
be closer to the grandchildren.

634
00:33:57.220 --> 00:34:00.700
Um, they put the house up for sale.

635
00:34:01.020 --> 00:34:04.620
And as soon as the sale went through, she served him with divorce papers.

636
00:34:06.300 --> 00:34:06.900
That sucks.

637
00:34:06.980 --> 00:34:07.260
Yeah.

638
00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:09.780
And how long ago was his divorce?

639
00:34:10.380 --> 00:34:12.139
Uh, four years ago.

640
00:34:13.139 --> 00:34:16.540
Now divorcing someone after 42 years is pretty serious.

641
00:34:16.540 --> 00:34:17.980
Do you know why she divorced him?

642
00:34:18.739 --> 00:34:21.340
Uh, mental health issues on her part.

643
00:34:23.380 --> 00:34:26.100
And you, and you think that that's for sure accurate?

644
00:34:26.780 --> 00:34:28.060
Uh, yeah, I do.

645
00:34:28.780 --> 00:34:28.980
Okay.

646
00:34:29.580 --> 00:34:29.739
Yeah.

647
00:34:30.060 --> 00:34:30.300
All right.

648
00:34:30.300 --> 00:34:33.620
Well, I would go spend some quality time with him, especially

649
00:34:33.620 --> 00:34:34.820
since she'll be off already.

650
00:34:34.820 --> 00:34:37.739
There's gotta be someone in his community that can put you up so it

651
00:34:37.739 --> 00:34:39.380
doesn't have to be expensive for you.

652
00:34:39.380 --> 00:34:42.739
Um, that is, to me, that would be your next, next logical step.

653
00:34:44.260 --> 00:34:49.659
Your next logical step would be to, to spend more, you know, quality.

654
00:34:51.300 --> 00:34:52.900
Without breaks time together.

655
00:34:53.940 --> 00:34:56.780
You guys, anybody can put their best foot forward, long distance.

656
00:34:56.820 --> 00:34:58.420
I'm just going to tell you that they can.

657
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.760
It's really important for us to get to know people over the course of time.

658
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:09.320
You'd be surprised, especially if we're God defended and we're allowing God to show us

659
00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:11.320
what we need to see when we need to see it.

660
00:35:11.320 --> 00:35:15.260
You'd be, you'd be surprised at what people will show you just spending an uninterrupted

661
00:35:15.260 --> 00:35:16.260
week with them.

662
00:35:16.260 --> 00:35:19.160
It doesn't even have to be weeks and weeks and weeks, and I'm not saying she's going

663
00:35:19.160 --> 00:35:20.160
to find out something bad.

664
00:35:20.160 --> 00:35:23.880
I'm just saying, she's going to see whether or not they really are compatible if she's

665
00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:25.280
able to do that.

666
00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:30.120
And if, if they are compatible and she spends some time up here next week and then on spring

667
00:35:30.120 --> 00:35:35.000
break, she spends more time up there, then there isn't any reason she's just semi-retired

668
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:40.280
part-time teacher that she doesn't just transfer what she does up to there.

669
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:44.720
Who has the better house?

670
00:35:44.720 --> 00:35:45.720
Probably him.

671
00:35:45.720 --> 00:35:48.800
Well, there you go.

672
00:35:48.800 --> 00:35:49.800
Come on.

673
00:35:49.800 --> 00:35:51.720
All right.

674
00:35:51.720 --> 00:35:57.440
You got, you have to spend uninterrupted, like, you know, you gotta go, you gotta go,

675
00:35:57.440 --> 00:35:59.480
you gotta go spend some time up there.

676
00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:02.000
Where is it by the way?

677
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:03.000
Where's up there?

678
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:04.000
Lethbridge.

679
00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:06.000
So it's actually South of Calgary.

680
00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:07.000
Okay.

681
00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:10.640
So, so is it warmer?

682
00:36:10.640 --> 00:36:11.640
In the summer?

683
00:36:11.640 --> 00:36:12.640
Yeah.

684
00:36:12.640 --> 00:36:13.640
It's windy.

685
00:36:13.640 --> 00:36:17.080
Like a hundred kilometer an hour winds down there, but, okay.

686
00:36:17.080 --> 00:36:21.160
The drive back and forth is absolutely winds.

687
00:36:21.600 --> 00:36:22.600
Yeah.

688
00:36:22.600 --> 00:36:23.600
It blows semi-trucks over.

689
00:36:23.600 --> 00:36:24.600
Too many.

690
00:36:24.600 --> 00:36:25.600
Too many.

691
00:36:25.600 --> 00:36:26.600
They're trying to get me.

692
00:36:26.600 --> 00:36:30.320
The sugar daddies are trying to get me.

693
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:32.560
The sugar daddies are trying to get you, Kalandra?

694
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:33.560
What are we doing?

695
00:36:33.560 --> 00:36:34.560
That's not me.

696
00:36:34.560 --> 00:36:35.560
No.

697
00:36:35.560 --> 00:36:38.480
And it's, I mean, it's, it's an easy drive.

698
00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:39.880
Like it's an easy two hour drive.

699
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:40.880
It is not difficult.

700
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:41.880
I love it.

701
00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:42.880
So look.

702
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:43.880
So what do you think?

703
00:36:43.880 --> 00:36:44.880
You want to give that a shot?

704
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:45.880
Yep.

705
00:36:45.880 --> 00:36:46.880
Yep.

706
00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:50.520
I think being cautiously optimistic is exactly accurate.

707
00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:53.640
I'm, I'm, I'm kind of excited for you.

708
00:36:53.640 --> 00:36:58.040
I just want to see where this goes and I want you to, I want, I feel like you've been given

709
00:36:58.040 --> 00:37:01.040
an assignment to walk out to see where it goes.

710
00:37:01.040 --> 00:37:02.040
Yeah.

711
00:37:02.040 --> 00:37:03.040
No, that's good.

712
00:37:03.040 --> 00:37:07.000
He circled back in 10 months because he had new information.

713
00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:08.000
Yeah.

714
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:12.680
Well, cause we had the talk before, like, this is what I'm looking for.

715
00:37:12.680 --> 00:37:20.360
If that's not you, um, I totally out of the blue did not expect a call from him at all.

716
00:37:21.200 --> 00:37:23.880
Because you weren't being manipulative when you let go, you were letting go because he

717
00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:25.280
hit a non-negotiable of yours.

718
00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:28.920
You want to be married and you let go and you gave it to God friends.

719
00:37:28.920 --> 00:37:32.240
This is a true definition of full circle, whether or not they're going to get married.

720
00:37:32.240 --> 00:37:36.720
We don't know yet, but we do know that this is a true full circle moment because she totally

721
00:37:36.720 --> 00:37:38.480
released it to the Lord.

722
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:40.440
She didn't compromise.

723
00:37:40.440 --> 00:37:41.820
And he also released it.

724
00:37:41.820 --> 00:37:43.240
He was gone for 10 months.

725
00:37:43.240 --> 00:37:47.480
And in the, in the meantime, he was like, you know what, I really, I really like her.

726
00:37:51.360 --> 00:37:53.960
I sneezed, but I hit the thing in time.

727
00:37:53.960 --> 00:37:54.960
Okay.

728
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:55.960
Thank you.

729
00:37:55.960 --> 00:37:59.880
Um, so that's a full circle moment when there's a, there's, there's added information where

730
00:37:59.880 --> 00:38:03.720
there's a change of heart, where there's inner work that's been done.

731
00:38:03.720 --> 00:38:04.720
It's good.

732
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:05.720
I like it.

733
00:38:05.720 --> 00:38:06.720
Okay.

734
00:38:06.720 --> 00:38:07.720
Make sure you keep us posted.

735
00:38:07.720 --> 00:38:08.720
Okay.

736
00:38:08.720 --> 00:38:09.720
Thank you.

737
00:38:09.720 --> 00:38:10.720
Okay.

738
00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:11.720
Thank you.

739
00:38:11.720 --> 00:38:12.720
Keep us posted.

740
00:38:12.720 --> 00:38:13.720
All right.

741
00:38:13.720 --> 00:38:14.720
Um, all right.

742
00:38:14.720 --> 00:38:15.720
You guys.

743
00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:16.720
Whew.

744
00:38:17.080 --> 00:38:18.080
That was a sneeze.

745
00:38:18.080 --> 00:38:19.080
All right.

746
00:38:19.080 --> 00:38:20.080
Okay.

747
00:38:20.080 --> 00:38:21.080
Um, I can now officially announce this.

748
00:38:21.080 --> 00:38:22.080
And so I deleted the comments cause I didn't want to give, give away, give away the punch

749
00:38:22.080 --> 00:38:23.080
line.

750
00:38:23.080 --> 00:38:24.080
Um, it's not a joke, but just give away the, the, the thing that I was waiting to say.

751
00:38:24.080 --> 00:38:25.080
And that is, even though we make fun of arc, we actually have had a success story there.

752
00:38:25.080 --> 00:38:26.080
So one of our OGs, Maggie day, uh, may Maggie day.

753
00:38:26.080 --> 00:38:27.080
Hey, Sue.

754
00:38:27.080 --> 00:38:28.080
Um, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she,

755
00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:29.080
she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she,

756
00:39:29.840 --> 00:39:34.560
something crazy like a dating app, right?

757
00:39:34.560 --> 00:39:35.560
Right.

758
00:39:35.560 --> 00:39:36.560
Okay.

759
00:39:36.560 --> 00:39:38.400
So go click on that link.

760
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:40.040
It doesn't cost you any money.

761
00:39:40.040 --> 00:39:41.980
Go ahead and join the speed dating event.

762
00:39:41.980 --> 00:39:45.220
You literally have nothing to lose, nothing, nothing.

763
00:39:45.220 --> 00:39:49.220
You're like, but Jackie, what if I deleted the app before?

764
00:39:49.220 --> 00:39:51.840
Can I still click the link and join the speed dating event?

765
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:52.840
A hundred percent.

766
00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:57.400
It may, it'll have you download the app again, but once again, there's no skin in the game.

767
00:39:57.400 --> 00:39:58.400
You're not paying anything.

768
00:39:58.400 --> 00:39:59.400
It's free.

769
00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:00.400
Okay.

770
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:00.960
Go ahead and go do it.

771
00:40:00.400 --> 00:40:00.420
So go.

772
00:40:00.960 --> 00:40:04.080
If you already have the app,

773
00:40:04.080 --> 00:40:05.360
you can go ahead and click on the link.

774
00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:07.200
I'm not really sure what will happen.

775
00:40:09.240 --> 00:40:11.000
You'll get access to the speed dating event.

776
00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:12.300
You already have the app.

777
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:14.960
You'll probably have to log in.

778
00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:16.480
You'll have to log into your app.

779
00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:18.840
Okay, cool, Leo.

780
00:40:18.840 --> 00:40:19.680
Good.

781
00:40:19.680 --> 00:40:20.740
All right, so I wanted to announce that.

782
00:40:20.740 --> 00:40:22.120
Let's go to the next.

783
00:40:22.120 --> 00:40:23.600
Let's go to the next.

784
00:40:23.600 --> 00:40:26.760
You guys, I'm a little hyped up tonight

785
00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:29.520
because of out there with my swords

786
00:40:29.520 --> 00:40:31.440
slaying sacred cows today.

787
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:33.100
All right, is Sophie here now?

788
00:40:36.200 --> 00:40:37.480
Sophie, are you here?

789
00:40:37.480 --> 00:40:39.720
Yeah, I don't think Sophie was able to make it.

790
00:40:39.720 --> 00:40:42.360
She said, after all, she was out of town.

791
00:40:42.360 --> 00:40:43.320
Oh, well, thank you.

792
00:40:43.320 --> 00:40:44.240
Okay.

793
00:40:44.240 --> 00:40:47.720
I appreciate that information, whoever that was.

794
00:40:47.720 --> 00:40:48.560
Yamina.

795
00:40:49.600 --> 00:40:51.520
Oh, Yamina, I love you.

796
00:40:51.520 --> 00:40:52.920
I should recognize your voice.

797
00:40:52.920 --> 00:40:54.640
Okay, Kelly Gallagher.

798
00:40:54.640 --> 00:40:58.040
Here's an OG, an OG VIP.

799
00:40:58.040 --> 00:40:59.280
Are you here, Kelly?

800
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:00.320
I am.

801
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:01.820
Can you hear me?

802
00:41:01.820 --> 00:41:02.660
I can.

803
00:41:02.660 --> 00:41:04.040
Okay, I'm gonna spotlight you

804
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:07.020
and I'm gonna spotlight me again.

805
00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:09.160
Here we are.

806
00:41:09.160 --> 00:41:10.240
Hi, Jackie.

807
00:41:10.240 --> 00:41:13.080
Hi, how are you, beautiful lady?

808
00:41:13.080 --> 00:41:14.440
I'm doing wonderful.

809
00:41:14.440 --> 00:41:15.880
How are you?

810
00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:16.720
I'm doing good.

811
00:41:16.720 --> 00:41:18.080
Is that a Christmas tree?

812
00:41:18.080 --> 00:41:18.920
Yes.

813
00:41:20.240 --> 00:41:21.200
Oh, my, my.

814
00:41:21.200 --> 00:41:24.560
Okay, you guys, I ripped my Christmas tree down so fast.

815
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:26.200
I cannot wait to put it away.

816
00:41:26.200 --> 00:41:27.040
I can't wait to put it up

817
00:41:27.040 --> 00:41:28.600
and then I cannot wait to put it away.

818
00:41:28.600 --> 00:41:31.440
All right, so Kelly wants to talk about her picky picker.

819
00:41:33.240 --> 00:41:34.080
Okay.

820
00:41:35.200 --> 00:41:36.720
She's being pursued by a man

821
00:41:36.720 --> 00:41:38.480
that she has known for six to seven years.

822
00:41:38.480 --> 00:41:39.800
You guys, I'm seeing a lot of this.

823
00:41:39.800 --> 00:41:42.040
I'm seeing a lot of people, you know,

824
00:41:42.040 --> 00:41:44.360
just kind of noticing the people

825
00:41:44.360 --> 00:41:45.920
that are in proximity to them,

826
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:47.440
people they've known for a long time,

827
00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:50.520
and then all of a sudden something has shifted and changed.

828
00:41:50.520 --> 00:41:51.360
Okay.

829
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:52.520
When you initially met him,

830
00:41:52.520 --> 00:41:55.200
he was in the throes of a marriage breaking up

831
00:41:55.200 --> 00:41:56.520
and hoping it could be mended.

832
00:41:56.520 --> 00:41:59.120
So he was believing for the restoration of his marriage

833
00:41:59.120 --> 00:42:00.440
when you first met him.

834
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:01.760
You met through mutual friends

835
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:03.280
in your hometown of New Orleans,

836
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:05.640
which is where he still lives.

837
00:42:05.640 --> 00:42:06.480
That's funny,

838
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:07.440
because you know that I've been trying

839
00:42:07.440 --> 00:42:10.960
to get you back to New Orleans a lot for some reason.

840
00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:12.240
That's been in my heart.

841
00:42:12.240 --> 00:42:13.080
Okay.

842
00:42:13.080 --> 00:42:14.400
So he definitely has all three Ms.

843
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:15.240
That's great.

844
00:42:15.240 --> 00:42:16.080
He's generous.

845
00:42:16.080 --> 00:42:16.920
He has a great job.

846
00:42:16.920 --> 00:42:18.120
He has a great income.

847
00:42:18.120 --> 00:42:19.360
He can work from anywhere.

848
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:21.560
He has two grown daughters, two grandchildren.

849
00:42:21.560 --> 00:42:23.560
He's active into health and fitness.

850
00:42:23.560 --> 00:42:25.320
Those are all things that are important to Kelly

851
00:42:25.320 --> 00:42:27.640
because you don't know Kelly, but I do.

852
00:42:27.640 --> 00:42:28.800
She wants to do ministry.

853
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:30.520
So she needs someone with a great income

854
00:42:30.520 --> 00:42:31.800
because she really has,

855
00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:33.560
she's always supported herself.

856
00:42:33.560 --> 00:42:34.840
She's a nurse.

857
00:42:34.840 --> 00:42:37.080
She's a nurse, you know, a nurse teacher,

858
00:42:37.080 --> 00:42:39.160
an educator in the nursing field.

859
00:42:39.160 --> 00:42:42.280
And she has kind of semi-retired from that

860
00:42:42.280 --> 00:42:43.680
but felt called to ministry.

861
00:42:43.680 --> 00:42:45.120
So that's important.

862
00:42:45.120 --> 00:42:47.000
Family's super important to her.

863
00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:48.720
He's active in health and fitness,

864
00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:50.440
also super important to her.

865
00:42:50.440 --> 00:42:51.640
Holy spirit filled Christian,

866
00:42:51.640 --> 00:42:53.640
no scripture, super important to her.

867
00:42:53.640 --> 00:42:54.840
He loves to travel,

868
00:42:54.840 --> 00:42:57.080
has invited her to go with him to Italy in August,

869
00:42:57.080 --> 00:42:58.720
also super important to her.

870
00:42:58.720 --> 00:43:01.680
He has the same goal for purity, super important.

871
00:43:01.680 --> 00:43:04.400
He's politically conservative, also important.

872
00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:06.080
Things that she doesn't love.

873
00:43:06.080 --> 00:43:07.840
So you guys just saw all of the beautiful,

874
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:09.520
great things about him that she loves

875
00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:11.640
and are also really in alignment with who Kelly is

876
00:43:11.640 --> 00:43:12.880
because I know her.

877
00:43:12.880 --> 00:43:14.480
Here are the things that she doesn't love.

878
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:16.760
He talks nonstop.

879
00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:19.480
We don't have dialogues.

880
00:43:19.480 --> 00:43:21.600
We have monologues from him.

881
00:43:21.600 --> 00:43:23.480
Even when she tries to interject,

882
00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:25.440
he doesn't acknowledge what she says.

883
00:43:25.440 --> 00:43:28.360
He immediately resorts to what he was saying.

884
00:43:28.360 --> 00:43:30.840
Can I ask how old he is real quick?

885
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:33.120
He will be 70 this month.

886
00:43:33.120 --> 00:43:33.960
Okay.

887
00:43:33.960 --> 00:43:34.800
All right.

888
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:38.480
He tells stories he probably shouldn't be repeating.

889
00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:39.440
They aren't life-giving.

890
00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:41.080
They're about past relationships,

891
00:43:41.080 --> 00:43:43.400
women who still want him now, et cetera.

892
00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:47.200
Many of his stories you've heard over and over again.

893
00:43:47.200 --> 00:43:49.320
He uses profanity when telling these stories.

894
00:43:50.160 --> 00:43:52.120
He always apologizes for talking 30 to 45 minutes

895
00:43:52.120 --> 00:43:53.440
without taking a breath,

896
00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:56.440
but he continues to do it over and over again.

897
00:43:57.440 --> 00:43:59.760
Oh, Kelly, I love you so much.

898
00:43:59.760 --> 00:44:02.560
And it sounds like such an exciting thing,

899
00:44:02.560 --> 00:44:07.040
but these are all like really, really serious flags.

900
00:44:07.040 --> 00:44:08.240
I know we don't want them to be.

901
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:10.560
This is not your picky picker, honey.

902
00:44:10.560 --> 00:44:12.560
This is discernment.

903
00:44:12.560 --> 00:44:14.080
Okay.

904
00:44:14.080 --> 00:44:16.560
So first and foremost, what I want to say is that

905
00:44:17.560 --> 00:44:21.480
there's a lot of people, but it's mostly men.

906
00:44:21.480 --> 00:44:23.680
There's mostly men who,

907
00:44:25.320 --> 00:44:26.880
like there's a lot of people who talk a lot

908
00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:27.720
and are talkers.

909
00:44:27.720 --> 00:44:30.720
I'm a talker, but I also know when to stop

910
00:44:30.720 --> 00:44:31.560
and when to listen.

911
00:44:31.560 --> 00:44:33.360
I know how to have conversation.

912
00:44:33.360 --> 00:44:36.040
When you run into someone who just monologues,

913
00:44:36.040 --> 00:44:38.800
my father-in-law does this, bless his heart.

914
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:42.280
We've all heard all the stories a thousand times over,

915
00:44:42.280 --> 00:44:44.560
but he also has the beginnings of dementia.

916
00:44:44.560 --> 00:44:46.480
It's not a normal type of dementia,

917
00:44:46.480 --> 00:44:48.400
like where he's just forgetting things.

918
00:44:48.400 --> 00:44:50.240
It's just like a type of dementia

919
00:44:50.240 --> 00:44:51.840
I'd never heard of before,

920
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:55.800
where people have no self-awareness.

921
00:44:56.800 --> 00:44:59.400
And this has been getting worse and worse.

922
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.120
worse and worse. He's now 85, but he probably started doing this around this man's age.

923
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:10.960
So that's one thing to look out for. I'm not saying that he's headed towards dementia,

924
00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:16.460
but when people, my father-in-law always knew he was doing it, but he couldn't stop himself.

925
00:45:16.460 --> 00:45:21.520
And when that happens, you got to take a deeper look at that. Okay. That's number one. Number

926
00:45:21.520 --> 00:45:28.940
two, the content of his oversharing. You know, I know you're a pretty woman. You really are

927
00:45:28.940 --> 00:45:34.060
beautiful on the inside and outside. So I don't know if this is insecurity of his wife

928
00:45:34.060 --> 00:45:38.080
that didn't want him. It sounds like he tried to save the marriage. She didn't want to restore

929
00:45:38.080 --> 00:45:43.040
the marriage. I don't know if now he has this inferiority complex where he just wants to

930
00:45:43.040 --> 00:45:48.060
make sure that, you know, that he has options and other people want him, you know, if that's

931
00:45:48.060 --> 00:45:54.200
the case, he needs to do a whole bunch of hard work, right? Yes. And we want him to

932
00:45:54.200 --> 00:46:00.640
do that. Now, does this mean that he's an absolute hundred percent? No, but what would

933
00:46:00.640 --> 00:46:05.080
need to happen next is you would need to bring correction to this behavior in a loving way

934
00:46:05.080 --> 00:46:10.680
and just say, Hey, I really like you. Here's all the things that I really love about you

935
00:46:10.680 --> 00:46:18.720
and love about getting to know you, but I don't feel heard. I feel like you talk over me. I don't

936
00:46:18.720 --> 00:46:25.160
feel like we're having conversations. And I also do not like, um, the content of the

937
00:46:25.160 --> 00:46:33.720
conversations it's offensive to me. Um, it's in my opinion, you know, not appropriate for

938
00:46:33.720 --> 00:46:40.960
a Christian man. And you have to find a way to really say that with the help of Holy spirit.

939
00:46:40.960 --> 00:46:46.720
And then his reaction to that will be very important. If he's like, Oh, I can work on

940
00:46:46.720 --> 00:46:53.240
this. And then if he works on it, then we can continue to talk about what that looks like. If

941
00:46:53.240 --> 00:46:56.880
he says he will work on it, but he doesn't, then you have your answer. And if he gets

942
00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:03.520
offended and storms away or doesn't talk to you or goes to you or hangs up on you or calls

943
00:47:03.520 --> 00:47:07.240
you names or says you're this or that, then you also have your answer.

944
00:47:10.200 --> 00:47:11.360
I think you have your answer.

945
00:47:12.200 --> 00:47:13.120
Have you tried yet?

946
00:47:14.120 --> 00:47:19.920
No, I haven't. And, um, I mean, I even suggested because I've told him several times when I

947
00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:25.600
was going to get on your zooms, like supernatural Saturdays and, and he's like, well, I could

948
00:47:25.600 --> 00:47:31.480
use some dating advice. And I thought, yes, you could. And so I sent him the link to join

949
00:47:31.480 --> 00:47:37.920
the men's community because I thought, wow, this would be awesome. Um, but you know, I

950
00:47:38.080 --> 00:47:46.800
realized that he's had, he's been shot down in, in relationships just as I have been. And so I

951
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:53.400
was looking for a kind way to talk to him about, you know, I mean, I feel like he really

952
00:47:53.400 --> 00:48:00.640
doesn't know much about me. He, he is in pursuit of a wife right now. And I am the best

953
00:48:00.680 --> 00:48:07.960
candidate I think that he can find currently. So it's, it's like, he just talks and talks

954
00:48:07.960 --> 00:48:15.320
about what he wants and he, you know, I'll try to stick some information in there, but

955
00:48:15.320 --> 00:48:17.920
he's not open to really listening.

956
00:48:19.640 --> 00:48:23.880
You didn't list out all this stuff in the good things, then I would say, okay, you know,

957
00:48:23.880 --> 00:48:28.640
it's a bless some, you know, it's, it's a, you know, just yes until it's no and it's a no,

958
00:48:28.960 --> 00:48:33.120
but because of all the good things you've listed, you know, I want you to at least have a

959
00:48:33.120 --> 00:48:38.200
conversation with him and say, Hey, I'm really excited to get to know you again. You know,

960
00:48:38.200 --> 00:48:41.920
even though we've known each other for six to seven years, it's, you know, it's, I, I'm

961
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:48.560
enjoying getting to know things about you now and where you are now. Um, but here are the

962
00:48:48.560 --> 00:48:52.480
things that if we're going to continue to get to know each other need to change.

963
00:48:53.360 --> 00:48:57.760
And you can, you don't have to be worried about it because if he's, if, if, if this is

964
00:48:57.760 --> 00:49:03.760
your guy and this is just like him over talking insecure, all the things, and he's willing

965
00:49:03.760 --> 00:49:08.160
to work on that, then he's willing to work on it. And all of that other good stuff about

966
00:49:08.160 --> 00:49:13.760
him kind of neutralizes it. But if he isn't willing to work on it and he doesn't see it

967
00:49:13.760 --> 00:49:18.080
or he gets offended at you, then also you get to move forward and move on.

968
00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:20.080
Thank you.

969
00:49:23.200 --> 00:49:24.240
Okay.

970
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:30.160
Goodness. I have the sneezes. All right. Are you able to do this? I know you're so sweet.

971
00:49:30.160 --> 00:49:34.480
You're like a Southern bell, but you gotta, you gotta, you gotta do this.

972
00:49:35.120 --> 00:49:41.200
Yes. I I'm going to see him at the end of February actually for his 70th birthday. So

973
00:49:42.080 --> 00:49:46.160
we'll spend some time together. We're going to a Christian concert together

974
00:49:46.800 --> 00:49:51.680
and I'll have time to talk to him face to face. Cause I feel like that would be easier.

975
00:49:52.960 --> 00:49:56.000
Oh, this is all happening over the phone.

976
00:49:57.760 --> 00:49:59.760
Yeah. Cause we, yeah, we, we haven't.

977
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.880
in each other face to face in a while.

978
00:50:02.880 --> 00:50:06.000
All right, let's see what happens when you guys are,

979
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:07.040
here's the thing.

980
00:50:07.040 --> 00:50:08.840
I actually would love for you to say this

981
00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:12.320
on the next phone conversation very gently and kindly

982
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:15.880
and see if that behavior switches before you get in person.

983
00:50:15.880 --> 00:50:16.960
Okay.

984
00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:19.400
Okay, I don't want you to wait until you're in person.

985
00:50:19.400 --> 00:50:20.760
Okay.

986
00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:21.600
Because here's the thing,

987
00:50:21.600 --> 00:50:24.760
if he goes ahead and shifts this behavior,

988
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:27.840
because he is insecure and because he is nervous

989
00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:29.840
and because he is trying to impress you,

990
00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:31.320
if he does that,

991
00:50:31.320 --> 00:50:33.720
then you're gonna have a much better time in person

992
00:50:33.720 --> 00:50:35.360
at the end of February.

993
00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:37.040
But if you allow him to continue this

994
00:50:37.040 --> 00:50:38.640
and then it continues in person,

995
00:50:38.640 --> 00:50:39.600
you're gonna be like,

996
00:50:39.600 --> 00:50:41.120
hey, I gotta go to the bathroom

997
00:50:41.120 --> 00:50:42.240
and you're gonna go to the bathroom

998
00:50:42.240 --> 00:50:43.760
and then you're gonna like take an Uber

999
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:45.560
and go to the airport.

1000
00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:49.000
At least that's what I would do.

1001
00:50:49.000 --> 00:50:54.000
Okay, so you definitely want to do that now, okay?

1002
00:50:54.040 --> 00:50:55.000
Okay.

1003
00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:56.880
All right, please keep us posted.

1004
00:50:56.880 --> 00:50:59.680
This is an exciting story that we wanna know more about.

1005
00:51:00.520 --> 00:51:01.960
All right, thank you.

1006
00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:04.000
All right, we love Kelly.

1007
00:51:04.000 --> 00:51:05.960
She is great.

1008
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:07.760
And if we have any men on here tonight

1009
00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:09.720
that wanna meet any of these ladies

1010
00:51:09.720 --> 00:51:11.240
that are asking questions,

1011
00:51:11.240 --> 00:51:14.960
remember all's fair in love and war

1012
00:51:14.960 --> 00:51:17.760
and none of these ladies are married yet.

1013
00:51:17.760 --> 00:51:18.600
All right.

1014
00:51:20.720 --> 00:51:21.720
Okay, guys.

1015
00:51:25.160 --> 00:51:26.200
I'm trying to see.

1016
00:51:30.320 --> 00:51:32.920
All right, for those of you that were asking

1017
00:51:32.920 --> 00:51:33.960
where the Arc thing is,

1018
00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:37.280
it's in the resource tab of your app group.

1019
00:51:37.280 --> 00:51:41.480
So whatever app group you're in, that's where it is, okay?

1020
00:51:41.480 --> 00:51:42.320
All right.

1021
00:51:43.200 --> 00:51:44.520
You guys, I don't understand.

1022
00:51:44.520 --> 00:51:49.520
I took myself off AdSpotlight,

1023
00:51:50.520 --> 00:51:55.520
Hi, and then I took myself off AdSpotlight.

1024
00:51:55.640 --> 00:52:00.640
AdSpotlight, Hi, and then remove spotlight.

1025
00:52:03.640 --> 00:52:06.320
Okay, who's this that keeps getting spotlighted here?

1026
00:52:07.400 --> 00:52:08.560
Michelle.

1027
00:52:08.560 --> 00:52:10.480
I accidentally spotlighted you, baby.

1028
00:52:10.480 --> 00:52:11.840
All right.

1029
00:52:11.840 --> 00:52:14.000
She's like, wait, that was you.

1030
00:52:14.000 --> 00:52:15.800
That was you on the spotlight.

1031
00:52:15.800 --> 00:52:17.840
All right, floor's open.

1032
00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:19.080
Who's got questions?

1033
00:52:19.080 --> 00:52:19.920
I do.

1034
00:52:19.920 --> 00:52:22.080
You unmuted me, Michelle.

1035
00:52:22.080 --> 00:52:23.240
Oh, sure, go ahead.

1036
00:52:23.240 --> 00:52:24.080
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1037
00:52:24.120 --> 00:52:27.440
So kind of similar, but different than the other one.

1038
00:52:27.440 --> 00:52:30.080
So I just started dating a guy.

1039
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:33.480
We've been on three dates and I've been in the program.

1040
00:52:33.480 --> 00:52:35.480
I wanted to like even respond to,

1041
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:36.640
I've been really pressing through.

1042
00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:38.840
I started in May, 2021.

1043
00:52:39.760 --> 00:52:41.560
Come on, girl, you can do it.

1044
00:52:41.560 --> 00:52:44.000
Finally, finally dating a guy named David,

1045
00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:45.440
but it's going very, very slow.

1046
00:52:45.440 --> 00:52:47.920
I knew him long, long time ago in the singles group.

1047
00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:51.080
And then I ran into him at a dance in December

1048
00:52:51.080 --> 00:52:52.760
and we went out December 20th.

1049
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:56.240
And then again, January like 6th or 8th.

1050
00:52:56.240 --> 00:52:58.400
And then again, just last Sunday.

1051
00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:00.800
So it's three dates, very, very slow.

1052
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:02.520
And in between there's no, and he lives local.

1053
00:53:02.520 --> 00:53:05.440
We're in the same Orange County, we're in the same,

1054
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:10.360
but there's no real much text or no phone call in between.

1055
00:53:10.360 --> 00:53:14.800
And if you know the enneagram, I think he might be a five.

1056
00:53:14.800 --> 00:53:15.640
And even like mentioned like-

1057
00:53:15.640 --> 00:53:18.120
Wait, Michelle, how old is this man?

1058
00:53:18.120 --> 00:53:19.160
He's 65.

1059
00:53:19.160 --> 00:53:21.440
I'm 60, he's 65.

1060
00:53:21.440 --> 00:53:22.280
Okay.

1061
00:53:22.280 --> 00:53:24.560
I, you know, there's always exceptions to the rule,

1062
00:53:24.560 --> 00:53:27.280
but first of all, you know, we always joke around

1063
00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:28.480
and you guys, I want you to know

1064
00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:29.960
that we're not giving men passes.

1065
00:53:29.960 --> 00:53:31.560
All you guys that are on here,

1066
00:53:31.560 --> 00:53:33.600
you have to learn how to be better communicators.

1067
00:53:33.600 --> 00:53:35.640
And unfortunately we live in a time

1068
00:53:35.640 --> 00:53:38.520
when a lot of communication is electronic,

1069
00:53:38.520 --> 00:53:39.560
but this is the thing.

1070
00:53:39.560 --> 00:53:42.280
If you don't want to communicate electronically,

1071
00:53:42.280 --> 00:53:45.680
you don't want to text, call.

1072
00:53:45.680 --> 00:53:46.680
Okay, guys.

1073
00:53:46.680 --> 00:53:48.120
But Michelle, I'm just going to let you know

1074
00:53:48.120 --> 00:53:53.120
that this age group of men are historically the worst,

1075
00:53:53.600 --> 00:53:57.560
the worst at communicating outside of just being in person.

1076
00:53:57.560 --> 00:53:59.120
Well, that's how he's been.

1077
00:53:59.120 --> 00:54:02.680
And I've been kind of okay with it and kind of not.

1078
00:54:02.680 --> 00:54:04.040
And one time I said, hey, I'm free.

1079
00:54:04.040 --> 00:54:05.000
He reached out on text.

1080
00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:05.840
How was your week?

1081
00:54:05.840 --> 00:54:08.680
And I said, hey, I'm free this time and this time to talk.

1082
00:54:08.680 --> 00:54:11.080
And he just said, oh, well, traffic does this.

1083
00:54:11.080 --> 00:54:12.640
And he goes, can we go out?

1084
00:54:12.640 --> 00:54:13.760
And then he suggested a date

1085
00:54:13.760 --> 00:54:17.280
and we ended up going out that weekend, which was nice,

1086
00:54:17.280 --> 00:54:20.120
but there's like nothing in between.

1087
00:54:20.120 --> 00:54:22.120
Right, because there's not going to be.

1088
00:54:23.080 --> 00:54:24.800
You guys live close to each other?

1089
00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:26.680
Yeah, close enough.

1090
00:54:26.680 --> 00:54:28.640
During the week might be with the traffic.

1091
00:54:28.640 --> 00:54:30.680
We're maybe 30.

1092
00:54:30.680 --> 00:54:34.680
Yeah, he lives, he works clearly other directions.

1093
00:54:34.680 --> 00:54:36.720
So when he gets home and he goes to bed really early

1094
00:54:36.720 --> 00:54:38.040
because he gets up early for work.

1095
00:54:38.040 --> 00:54:39.120
Yeah, he doesn't listen.

1096
00:54:39.120 --> 00:54:43.040
He doesn't like to talk on the phone and neither do I.

1097
00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:45.360
Okay, don't call me on the phone.

1098
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:46.640
I don't want to talk to you.

1099
00:54:47.000 --> 00:54:48.480
I don't like to talk on the phone.

1100
00:54:48.480 --> 00:54:51.320
A lot of people don't like to talk on the phone.

1101
00:54:51.320 --> 00:54:53.040
So he doesn't like to talk on the phone.

1102
00:54:53.040 --> 00:54:54.360
Does that make him a terrible person?

1103
00:54:54.360 --> 00:54:56.360
No, but that's very obvious what's happening.

1104
00:54:56.360 --> 00:54:57.880
And you know how I know that you guys,

1105
00:54:57.880 --> 00:55:00.000
this is why you have to pay.

1106
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.280
tension, not to just what people are not doing to but what to

1107
00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:05.800
their what they're doing. Michelle's like, hey, I'm free

1108
00:55:05.800 --> 00:55:08.040
to talk. And he's like, let's get together.

1109
00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:12.080
Which which I was kind of okay with. I guess what my question

1110
00:55:12.080 --> 00:55:14.960
is, it's been three days going very, very slow. At what point

1111
00:55:14.960 --> 00:55:18.360
do I like I want to give something back to him or

1112
00:55:18.360 --> 00:55:25.680
initiate or plan a date? What's that plan a date? Is that okay

1113
00:55:25.680 --> 00:55:30.720
at this point? Yes, it is. It's very much okay. So hey, do you

1114
00:55:30.720 --> 00:55:35.840
want to go do blah, blah, blah. Yeah, he's initiating. You know,

1115
00:55:35.880 --> 00:55:38.480
he's, you know, is he does he talk to you when you're in

1116
00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:41.920
person? Yeah, it's going very well. I have the more I see him.

1117
00:55:41.920 --> 00:55:46.080
I like him. I think the Lord is in it. Yeah, there's a lot of

1118
00:55:46.080 --> 00:55:49.520
good. A lot of good. I think it might be a five in the enneagram.

1119
00:55:49.520 --> 00:55:53.240
I think he's he even said once he's Yeah, I think he even said

1120
00:55:53.240 --> 00:55:55.280
wasn't our last day that he wasn't a good communicator.

1121
00:55:57.720 --> 00:56:00.680
I mean, you know, so many people I want you to I would like you

1122
00:56:00.680 --> 00:56:02.920
there's so many people that have their hands up right now because

1123
00:56:02.920 --> 00:56:05.640
they want they want to ask questions. So you folks leave

1124
00:56:05.640 --> 00:56:09.720
your hands up that everybody else be honest and raise your

1125
00:56:09.720 --> 00:56:13.320
hand if you would say you're not the greatest communicator. Let's

1126
00:56:13.320 --> 00:56:16.360
define this people text you you don't really text back you read

1127
00:56:16.360 --> 00:56:19.560
it but then you you forget to say something back to them.

1128
00:56:19.560 --> 00:56:22.520
That's me. I have so many text messages I haven't responded to

1129
00:56:22.760 --> 00:56:26.520
whether you have ADD or just not a good communicator. You don't

1130
00:56:26.520 --> 00:56:29.400
really like to talk on the phone. You know, it's just

1131
00:56:29.400 --> 00:56:32.360
really difficult for you to just sit on the phone for a long time

1132
00:56:32.360 --> 00:56:36.120
and talk to people but in person you don't mind talking to people

1133
00:56:36.120 --> 00:56:40.200
you like in person. You might get a little worn out if you're

1134
00:56:40.200 --> 00:56:43.720
in person too long just chit-chatting away, but see

1135
00:56:43.720 --> 00:56:46.760
there's plenty of people women included that have their hands

1136
00:56:46.760 --> 00:56:52.440
up saying yeah, I'm not the best communicator. Okay. All

1137
00:56:52.440 --> 00:56:54.840
right, put your hands down put your hands down except for the

1138
00:56:54.840 --> 00:56:57.640
people that have questions. Everybody else put your hands

1139
00:56:57.640 --> 00:57:00.600
down. Now I want you to raise your hand if you'd be honest and

1140
00:57:00.600 --> 00:57:06.360
say that like Kelly's guy. It's just hard to have a conversation

1141
00:57:06.360 --> 00:57:09.960
with you because you're not very self-aware and you have a

1142
00:57:09.960 --> 00:57:17.240
tendency to talk too much. Raise your hand. Be honest. Be

1143
00:57:17.240 --> 00:57:23.720
honest. It's okay. Someone's talking to you and you're just

1144
00:57:23.720 --> 00:57:26.200
forming what you want to say in your mind. You're not even

1145
00:57:26.200 --> 00:57:31.240
listening because you're just only two people raise their

1146
00:57:31.240 --> 00:57:34.920
hands and I'm going to call bullcrap on that.

1147
00:57:48.920 --> 00:57:53.000
All right, we got about five more honest honest people in the

1148
00:57:53.000 --> 00:57:55.400
house. Okay, and they're all women. So

1149
00:57:56.120 --> 00:58:00.840
and one guy Brandon. Thanks Brandon. Okay, put your hands

1150
00:58:00.840 --> 00:58:08.680
down. Okay. So Michelle sounds good so far. Yeah, I'm thankful.

1151
00:58:08.680 --> 00:58:11.320
I feel like the Lord's in it and like even that night I met

1152
00:58:11.320 --> 00:58:13.000
him. I felt like the Lord's saying I was going to meet

1153
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:15.960
someone that night and I was at a dance. I didn't dance hardly

1154
00:58:15.960 --> 00:58:19.800
anyone. I saw him as I left. Yeah, I'm I'm encouraged. It's

1155
00:58:19.960 --> 00:58:25.080
I'm encouraged. It's just it's going very slow and I I yeah, I

1156
00:58:25.080 --> 00:58:27.640
don't even know quite what my question is. But how long how

1157
00:58:27.640 --> 00:58:30.440
long ago did you meet him? Well, I knew him a long time ago

1158
00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:33.400
and then we ran into each other December 6th went out December

1159
00:58:33.400 --> 00:58:37.240
20th then January 6th or 8th that first weekend and then

1160
00:58:37.240 --> 00:58:41.400
again just last Sunday. So three dates within like two

1161
00:58:41.400 --> 00:58:47.080
months. Yeah, it just seems not even two months. Yeah. So what

1162
00:58:47.080 --> 00:58:52.200
do you think? I think you met over the holidays. Yeah, and he

1163
00:58:52.200 --> 00:58:54.840
went out of town. He did. He went out of town for I think

1164
00:58:54.840 --> 00:58:57.880
it's pretty good. I think you're actually overthinking it

1165
00:58:57.880 --> 00:59:02.200
a little bit. Okay, just relax and I'm hoping he'll ask me out

1166
00:59:02.200 --> 00:59:06.920
for Valentine's Day. No, plan a date. Really? Ask him out.

1167
00:59:07.480 --> 00:59:12.200
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I mean, you don't have to do it on

1168
00:59:12.200 --> 00:59:14.600
Valentine's. No, but I would like to go out with him. You

1169
00:59:14.600 --> 00:59:17.560
don't want him to feel like he's got to get romantic and

1170
00:59:17.560 --> 00:59:20.280
buy you a Valentine ladies. Okay, let's just talk about

1171
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:24.040
this because Valentine's coming everyone. Listen, please hear

1172
00:59:24.040 --> 00:59:32.280
me. Valentine's is overrated. Okay. It's ridiculous. It is a

1173
00:59:32.280 --> 00:59:37.240
time for capitalism to flourish. That's it. It's a

1174
00:59:37.240 --> 00:59:40.440
time when men are feeling like they have to spend all this

1175
00:59:40.440 --> 00:59:44.840
money on romance. I will tell you right now, David has never

1176
00:59:44.840 --> 00:59:48.040
done anything really that special for Valentine's. Uh,

1177
00:59:48.040 --> 00:59:51.080
the restaurants are packed. You have to make a reservation like

1178
00:59:51.080 --> 00:59:54.520
months in advance. The flowers are overpriced. I can't eat

1179
00:59:54.520 --> 00:59:56.600
chocolate anymore because I have menopause and it gives me

1180
00:59:56.600 --> 00:59:58.760
heart palpitations. So I'm just going to tell you right now.

1181
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.400
Valentine's Day needs to happen every day,

1182
01:00:04.400 --> 01:00:07.080
meaning respecting and honoring one another,

1183
01:00:07.080 --> 01:00:12.240
loving each other, letting each other know how much you care.

1184
01:00:12.240 --> 01:00:15.200
That is an everyday situation.

1185
01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:20.200
And if you only get honored and celebrated once a year

1186
01:00:20.200 --> 01:00:23.000
or maybe twice on your birthday in Valentine's,

1187
01:00:23.000 --> 01:00:25.560
then that's not good.

1188
01:00:25.560 --> 01:00:27.960
It isn't.

1189
01:00:27.960 --> 01:00:28.600
OK?

1190
01:00:28.600 --> 01:00:30.720
Valentine's Day is for little kids,

1191
01:00:30.720 --> 01:00:32.240
little Valentines at school.

1192
01:00:32.240 --> 01:00:35.080
By the way, how many of us are traumatized by that?

1193
01:00:35.080 --> 01:00:38.120
How many of us did not get the cute card in our little bag

1194
01:00:38.120 --> 01:00:40.200
that we made by our crush?

1195
01:00:40.200 --> 01:00:42.560
In fact, they put something stupid.

1196
01:00:42.560 --> 01:00:44.240
You know how you bought those box of cards

1197
01:00:44.240 --> 01:00:46.000
and they gave us some dumb card?

1198
01:00:46.000 --> 01:00:47.640
We wanted them to be the one to give us

1199
01:00:47.640 --> 01:00:50.440
the card that says you're cute or whatever.

1200
01:00:50.440 --> 01:00:52.520
And then they gave us like the Spider-Man card

1201
01:00:52.520 --> 01:00:55.880
that was just like, hang in there.

1202
01:00:55.880 --> 01:01:00.720
And you're just like, in fact, I just

1203
01:01:00.720 --> 01:01:03.080
realized that was the first form of text messaging.

1204
01:01:03.080 --> 01:01:05.800
And we've been trying to decode men's text messages all the way

1205
01:01:05.800 --> 01:01:08.160
back to these dumb Valentine cards.

1206
01:01:08.160 --> 01:01:09.280
Like, what does it mean?

1207
01:01:09.280 --> 01:01:10.400
Hang in there?

1208
01:01:10.400 --> 01:01:10.920
Like what?

1209
01:01:10.920 --> 01:01:13.360
You like me, but you just haven't told me yet?

1210
01:01:13.360 --> 01:01:14.360
I need to hang in there?

1211
01:01:14.360 --> 01:01:14.920
No.

1212
01:01:14.920 --> 01:01:17.880
He's talking about the web from Spidey's fingers

1213
01:01:17.880 --> 01:01:19.560
where he hangs in there.

1214
01:01:19.560 --> 01:01:21.240
That's all it means.

1215
01:01:21.240 --> 01:01:23.720
Doesn't mean anything else.

1216
01:01:23.720 --> 01:01:24.960
There's no secret code.

1217
01:01:27.880 --> 01:01:31.920
OK, so Valentine's Day has been traumatizing all of us.

1218
01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:34.200
Did you guys have the school, like in high school,

1219
01:01:34.200 --> 01:01:36.320
where people could, as the fundraiser,

1220
01:01:36.320 --> 01:01:39.160
buy you a carnation and then send it secretly

1221
01:01:39.160 --> 01:01:40.080
to your homeroom?

1222
01:01:40.080 --> 01:01:43.640
Did anyone have the carnation sales?

1223
01:01:43.640 --> 01:01:46.040
Seriously, what is this?

1224
01:01:46.040 --> 01:01:47.600
Masochism?

1225
01:01:47.600 --> 01:01:49.240
We're sitting in homeroom.

1226
01:01:49.240 --> 01:01:51.560
Everyone knows this is the day that they're finally

1227
01:01:51.560 --> 01:01:54.760
handing out the carnations that everyone's been secretly

1228
01:01:54.760 --> 01:01:58.920
buying during their lunch periods for the last month.

1229
01:01:58.920 --> 01:02:00.840
And of course, the popular girl in your class

1230
01:02:00.840 --> 01:02:04.560
gets 20 carnations, secret admirers, this, that, whatever,

1231
01:02:04.560 --> 01:02:05.400
this and that.

1232
01:02:05.400 --> 01:02:06.320
And you get none.

1233
01:02:06.320 --> 01:02:07.280
You get zero.

1234
01:02:07.280 --> 01:02:09.920
And they were different colors, white for friendship,

1235
01:02:09.920 --> 01:02:13.040
pink for I like you, red for I love you.

1236
01:02:13.040 --> 01:02:15.680
It's like, why?

1237
01:02:15.680 --> 01:02:17.000
Why?

1238
01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:17.760
Or the balloons?

1239
01:02:17.760 --> 01:02:18.720
We didn't do balloons.

1240
01:02:18.720 --> 01:02:20.480
That would be even worse.

1241
01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:22.880
Carnations, at least you can.

1242
01:02:22.880 --> 01:02:24.480
I mean, I got to be honest.

1243
01:02:24.480 --> 01:02:26.880
I sent some to myself.

1244
01:02:26.880 --> 01:02:29.400
If I'm just being honest, I did.

1245
01:02:29.400 --> 01:02:29.920
I did.

1246
01:02:29.920 --> 01:02:30.960
I just couldn't take it.

1247
01:02:30.960 --> 01:02:32.880
I couldn't take the rejection.

1248
01:02:32.880 --> 01:02:35.880
I know you guys think that I was probably a super popular girl

1249
01:02:35.880 --> 01:02:37.960
with the boys in high school, but I wasn't.

1250
01:02:37.960 --> 01:02:40.360
I didn't have any dates in high school, zero dates

1251
01:02:40.360 --> 01:02:41.200
in high school.

1252
01:02:41.200 --> 01:02:42.480
I was not popular.

1253
01:02:42.480 --> 01:02:44.040
I looked a lot like olive oil.

1254
01:02:44.040 --> 01:02:46.680
And there was no Popeye anywhere to be found.

1255
01:02:46.680 --> 01:02:49.680
So I did.

1256
01:02:49.680 --> 01:02:52.480
I bought myself some carnations.

1257
01:02:52.480 --> 01:02:55.000
And there you have it.

1258
01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:57.280
And I'd do it again.

1259
01:02:57.280 --> 01:02:58.360
I would do it again.

1260
01:02:58.360 --> 01:03:02.160
So you guys, Valentine's Day, please go have some fun.

1261
01:03:02.160 --> 01:03:03.200
Get your girls together.

1262
01:03:03.200 --> 01:03:04.080
Do a Galentine's.

1263
01:03:04.080 --> 01:03:08.400
Guys, just be thankful if you're not in a relationship

1264
01:03:08.400 --> 01:03:10.440
right now that you don't have all the pressure

1265
01:03:10.440 --> 01:03:16.520
to try to prove how amazing you are on this ridiculous holiday.

1266
01:03:16.520 --> 01:03:19.680
I mean, seriously, the holiday is a massacre.

1267
01:03:19.680 --> 01:03:23.160
St. Valentine, it's not a good thing.

1268
01:03:23.160 --> 01:03:25.680
It's not a good thing.

1269
01:03:25.680 --> 01:03:26.920
Yeah, I wasn't.

1270
01:03:26.920 --> 01:03:30.280
Well, OK, I said I wasn't popular with the boys

1271
01:03:30.280 --> 01:03:32.840
in high school.

1272
01:03:32.840 --> 01:03:35.080
OK, I had some other popularity.

1273
01:03:35.080 --> 01:03:36.960
I had some other things going on.

1274
01:03:36.960 --> 01:03:39.600
I was a good athlete.

1275
01:03:39.600 --> 01:03:40.400
I was funny.

1276
01:03:40.720 --> 01:03:41.960
I just was really tall.

1277
01:03:41.960 --> 01:03:43.880
And that's that.

1278
01:03:43.880 --> 01:03:51.040
OK, all right, you guys, please don't get yourself

1279
01:03:51.040 --> 01:03:52.320
depressed over this.

1280
01:03:52.320 --> 01:03:54.440
Please raise your hand and be honest if you started

1281
01:03:54.440 --> 01:03:55.960
to get depressed about this.

1282
01:03:55.960 --> 01:03:58.600
So the answer to Michelle, while you guys are raising your hand,

1283
01:03:58.600 --> 01:04:02.360
is don't ask him out on Valentine's Day.

1284
01:04:02.360 --> 01:04:04.160
Don't even mention Valentine's Day.

1285
01:04:04.160 --> 01:04:06.320
Just plan a date, OK?

1286
01:04:06.320 --> 01:04:06.840
That's it.

1287
01:04:10.720 --> 01:04:12.480
OK.

1288
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:14.120
Seriously.

1289
01:04:14.120 --> 01:04:15.280
Maybe after Valentine's Day.

1290
01:04:15.280 --> 01:04:16.400
He's already planned three.

1291
01:04:16.400 --> 01:04:17.600
You can do it.

1292
01:04:17.600 --> 01:04:20.760
OK, should I wait till after Valentine's Day?

1293
01:04:20.760 --> 01:04:22.800
I mean, if you can get it in before Valentine's Day,

1294
01:04:22.800 --> 01:04:24.680
today's only the third.

1295
01:04:24.680 --> 01:04:26.200
Yeah, but we only have the weekends.

1296
01:04:26.200 --> 01:04:28.200
It would be this weekend, the following weekends

1297
01:04:28.200 --> 01:04:29.640
is the Valentine's Day.

1298
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:31.600
And then we've got the Super Bowls.

1299
01:04:31.600 --> 01:04:33.280
This weekend is not Valentine's Day.

1300
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:36.560
No, no, no, I said we just have this weekend and the next is.

1301
01:04:36.560 --> 01:04:37.560
It's only Tuesday.

1302
01:04:37.560 --> 01:04:39.800
Ask him if he wants to do something this weekend.

1303
01:04:39.800 --> 01:04:41.560
OK.

1304
01:04:41.560 --> 01:04:43.920
Yeah, do it.

1305
01:04:43.920 --> 01:04:46.160
That way you're showing your interest.

1306
01:04:46.160 --> 01:04:47.760
He's already planned three dates.

1307
01:04:47.760 --> 01:04:49.960
You show your interest now.

1308
01:04:49.960 --> 01:04:55.160
And then do I, as far as paying, how do I, do we split it?

1309
01:04:55.160 --> 01:04:56.160
Do I pay for it?

1310
01:04:56.160 --> 01:04:58.120
I mean, what are you going to do?

1311
01:04:58.120 --> 01:04:59.560
You're taking him to Ruth's Chris?

1312
01:04:59.560 --> 01:05:01.360
Are you going to take him to Ruth's Chris?

1313
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.560
Bowling. Yeah. Just pay for whatever, whatever it is I initiate.

1314
01:05:06.160 --> 01:05:09.360
I mean, you can offer to, but he's probably not going to let you.

1315
01:05:09.360 --> 01:05:14.480
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But I live near Crystal Cove. I was thinking about getting like a picnic and

1316
01:05:14.480 --> 01:05:20.640
going by the beach and going for a walk and a picnic. It's beautiful there. Isn't it? Yeah.

1317
01:05:20.640 --> 01:05:26.160
Yeah. Okay. Just ask him to say, Hey, can I make a picnic for you? Would you like to go on a picnic

1318
01:05:26.960 --> 01:05:34.720
with me? No, that's good. Okay. Okay. Please report back. Okay. All right. All of you people

1319
01:05:34.720 --> 01:05:38.240
that raise your hand and you said that you're getting stressed out about Valentine's day,

1320
01:05:38.800 --> 01:05:45.440
stop it. And I can even hear in the spirit right now that someone is protesting in their heart.

1321
01:05:45.440 --> 01:05:53.040
I hear it. And you're saying, but I've never had a love at Valentine's day. I've never gotten

1322
01:05:53.040 --> 01:05:58.720
flowers for Valentine's day. No one's ever taken me out for Valentine's day. I hear you.

1323
01:06:00.080 --> 01:06:03.920
And God knows that's important to you. And that is in your future,

1324
01:06:03.920 --> 01:06:07.440
even if it's not in your future for this one. Okay.

1325
01:06:10.960 --> 01:06:16.640
Anna's cracking me up. Hey, boo, boo, let's go get some picnic baskets. You guys,

1326
01:06:16.640 --> 01:06:22.480
that just reminded me of my mom. My mom passed away today. I mean, six years ago, but today

1327
01:06:23.200 --> 01:06:27.120
and she used to say that all the time on a, so I feel like that's a little kiss from heaven.

1328
01:06:27.920 --> 01:06:31.920
She used to always say Yogi bear. She used to always do that voice.

1329
01:06:35.040 --> 01:06:41.200
Not today, Pamela six years ago, but today. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Okay.

1330
01:06:41.200 --> 01:06:44.080
Enough about that. Cause I don't want to think about it. Aaron joy,

1331
01:06:44.080 --> 01:06:50.800
cross field. You have your hand up. What's up girl. I do. You posted something on Instagram

1332
01:06:50.800 --> 01:06:56.560
or a couple of days ago about, uh, men in their forties and fifties who've never chosen marriage.

1333
01:06:56.560 --> 01:07:02.960
They are actively choosing not marriage. Don't hold out your hope. And I am a woman in my mid

1334
01:07:02.960 --> 01:07:08.560
forties who has never chosen marriage and I'm healthier now, but I went and tripped over that

1335
01:07:08.560 --> 01:07:14.640
statement and hurt my own feelings on your post. And so I was hoping you could maybe

1336
01:07:15.120 --> 01:07:20.800
Talk to women about that perspective. I would love to. I I'm so glad you brought that up.

1337
01:07:20.800 --> 01:07:25.120
Cause of course I totally didn't remember that, but a lot of women have pushed back

1338
01:07:25.120 --> 01:07:31.040
in that very way. Like, Hey, Jackie, I'm a 40 plus woman. Who's never been married. Like,

1339
01:07:31.040 --> 01:07:35.520
am I a red flag? You guys, first of all, men and women don't delay marriage for the same reasons.

1340
01:07:36.320 --> 01:07:43.040
Okay. It's not an interchangeable idea. And the reason why you guys there's a method to all of my

1341
01:07:43.040 --> 01:07:53.040
madness. And the reason why I made that specific post is because I am seeing a lot of women over

1342
01:07:53.040 --> 01:07:58.560
the age of 40, whether you've never been married or whether you're divorced and want to be remarried,

1343
01:07:59.120 --> 01:08:08.320
wasting their time with men who have no relationship history. They have no commitment

1344
01:08:08.320 --> 01:08:16.399
history. And unlike women, their reasonings for that are very different. Okay. There's of course,

1345
01:08:16.399 --> 01:08:21.920
exceptions to the rule. There's people that part of the, I kissed dating goodbye thing, and they

1346
01:08:21.920 --> 01:08:26.479
got all stuck in their heads with, you know, religious OCD. And I don't want to pick the

1347
01:08:26.479 --> 01:08:31.279
wrong woman. And they got all messed up, blah, blah, blah, but all you guys have to remember,

1348
01:08:31.279 --> 01:08:36.479
I have a front row seat to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of case studies.

1349
01:08:37.200 --> 01:08:43.680
And the reason why I made that post is I want to help women to see very quickly, whether or not

1350
01:08:43.680 --> 01:08:51.279
this man is a professional bachelor or not. Okay. Because women have one thing in common.

1351
01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:59.200
They all think they're going to be the exception to his history of dodging marriage.

1352
01:09:00.319 --> 01:09:04.960
They think they're going to be the exception and they're not, they're not going to be the

1353
01:09:05.040 --> 01:09:11.760
they're not going to be the exception. Okay. They aren't. And so I don't want them to

1354
01:09:12.479 --> 01:09:21.920
get into this long drawn out situation ship where they're giving him all the things that

1355
01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:26.560
he's looking for, but they're not getting what they want in return.

1356
01:09:27.680 --> 01:09:34.479
Okay. Pam had this situation going on. She was with a guy that was mature and masculine. They

1357
01:09:34.479 --> 01:09:39.120
were having fun. You know, they were going out. Both of them were getting their little buckets

1358
01:09:39.120 --> 01:09:44.160
filled, but she wanted to be married and he didn't, but you know, what makes him different

1359
01:09:44.160 --> 01:09:50.960
than the men I'm talking about? He had been committed for 42 years to someone. So his

1360
01:09:50.960 --> 01:09:55.600
reasoning for delaying commitment again, was very different than someone who has

1361
01:09:55.600 --> 01:09:59.600
never pulled the trigger on commitment. You guys, I, I.

1362
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.080
a lot of men that come and say that they want me to match make them. And you know, when I find out

1363
01:10:06.080 --> 01:10:10.240
that they've never, ever had a girlfriend, cause remember, it's not about never being married.

1364
01:10:10.240 --> 01:10:14.240
They've never had a girlfriend. So right away, Aaron joy, you don't even fit this criteria.

1365
01:10:14.240 --> 01:10:19.280
Even if you were a man, you've been in relationships. You've been in long distance

1366
01:10:19.280 --> 01:10:23.040
relationships. You've put in the effort you've put in the work you've done the stuff.

1367
01:10:24.720 --> 01:10:28.480
Okay. The people that I'm talking about, and perhaps I need to be much more clear.

1368
01:10:28.480 --> 01:10:33.120
It's hard to be clear in 60 seconds. And that's how long you have on Instagram to make a real,

1369
01:10:33.840 --> 01:10:38.240
it's hard to be very, very clear. And it's not all encompassing. It's not kind of one size

1370
01:10:38.240 --> 01:10:43.840
fits all, but the people I'm talking about are usually male. There are some women out

1371
01:10:43.840 --> 01:10:48.240
there like this, but they're usually male. And they basically are what I call Peter pans.

1372
01:10:50.080 --> 01:10:53.760
And so when it comes to Peter pan, you have to either be a Wendy or a tinker bell.

1373
01:10:54.640 --> 01:11:01.440
And I'm saying, do not be a tinker bell. Tinker bell kept seeing, you know,

1374
01:11:01.440 --> 01:11:06.080
all the good things about Peter. And, you know, even though he's immature and he wasn't growing

1375
01:11:06.080 --> 01:11:10.320
up and he wasn't on, she was willing to fight for that and all the things. And Wendy was just like,

1376
01:11:11.120 --> 01:11:17.200
boy, bye, I'm going to go grow up. You can stay here with the lost boys. I mean,

1377
01:11:17.200 --> 01:11:24.320
come on y'all. The whole thing is a cautionary tale, right? By the way, I saw that mug in

1378
01:11:24.320 --> 01:11:30.240
Charleston. I saw Peter pan. I saw him everywhere I go. I see Peter pan. And I'm talking about a

1379
01:11:30.240 --> 01:11:35.760
drawing of the actual Peter pan, but it continues to remind me that there are people out there for

1380
01:11:35.760 --> 01:11:42.560
whatever reason that have not done the inner work and really do not want anyone depending on them.

1381
01:11:42.640 --> 01:11:49.600
And they do not want commitment period. So ladies, if you're over 40 years old and you have

1382
01:11:49.600 --> 01:11:53.680
never had a boyfriend, you have never been in a relationship. I want you to look at the deeper

1383
01:11:53.680 --> 01:12:01.360
reasons. Why have you been afraid? Have you had unrealistic expectations of what that was supposed

1384
01:12:01.360 --> 01:12:04.800
to look like and feel like. So you never let anyone get close. Do you have inner work that

1385
01:12:04.800 --> 01:12:09.120
you need to do? Cause I'm going to tell you right now, it's not been my experience that women delay

1386
01:12:09.120 --> 01:12:13.360
marriage for the same reasons as men. It's not cause they don't want commitment. It's often

1387
01:12:13.360 --> 01:12:20.000
because they're scared for their safety. And so I want to encourage you to heal, to allow God to

1388
01:12:20.000 --> 01:12:29.920
reveal and heal so that you can be open to whatever it is that God has. Okay. And Aaron, I've known you

1389
01:12:29.920 --> 01:12:34.080
for a long time. You're an OG in this community. You're a coach in this community. And I don't

1390
01:12:34.080 --> 01:12:39.600
consider you someone who has been avoiding commitment. I think that you've tried. And

1391
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:44.400
that's the thing, the women that I, the women that I work with primarily, most of them have

1392
01:12:44.400 --> 01:12:48.320
given it the good college try. They put themselves out there. They've been on the apps. They've gone

1393
01:12:48.320 --> 01:12:55.680
on dates. They've done the things they prayed. They fasted. They've done the things to try to

1394
01:12:55.680 --> 01:13:01.280
do all the stuff that people say they should do in order to meet their husband. And for whatever

1395
01:13:01.280 --> 01:13:11.280
reason, it either hasn't happened or it happened. And then that person cut and run from it. Like,

1396
01:13:11.280 --> 01:13:16.240
you know, like they never made it to marriage, not because of them, but because maybe they saw

1397
01:13:16.240 --> 01:13:19.760
something that they needed to see, and then they couldn't go through with it or the other person

1398
01:13:19.760 --> 01:13:26.320
just broke it off and went on. So it is a very good question, Aaron. And unfortunately in that

1399
01:13:26.320 --> 01:13:31.440
soundbite video, there was no way for me to, um, put all of this in there,

1400
01:13:32.320 --> 01:13:37.280
but I am going to talk about this subject on my podcast. Just so you know, I'm going to talk about

1401
01:13:37.280 --> 01:13:45.840
the subject of people who are in the dating pool that have no business being there because

1402
01:13:45.840 --> 01:13:49.600
they are not interested in commitment.

1403
01:13:56.880 --> 01:13:58.560
Aaron. Thanks.

1404
01:14:02.160 --> 01:14:02.640
That's it.

1405
01:14:07.280 --> 01:14:08.000
That's all you got.

1406
01:14:09.120 --> 01:14:09.920
That's all I got.

1407
01:14:12.240 --> 01:14:12.960
No feedback.

1408
01:14:14.480 --> 01:14:18.720
No, I appreciate it. I, um, my feelings are not hurt.

1409
01:14:20.080 --> 01:14:20.720
Oh, good.

1410
01:14:20.880 --> 01:14:26.560
It is good to hear that the reasons men and women delay marriage are not parallel that way.

1411
01:14:27.760 --> 01:14:32.080
No, I mean, I don't know how much of your personal story you want people to know here,

1412
01:14:32.080 --> 01:14:36.880
but there's at least one relationship that you were in it to win it for a long time. Like you

1413
01:14:36.880 --> 01:14:46.720
did everything possible to try to make it work. That is true. I know I was there for it. So

1414
01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:52.240
it's good to know that you're willing to go the extra mile and friends. That's all anyone can

1415
01:14:52.240 --> 01:14:57.920
ever ask for any of us. If it's not a fit, it's not a fit. If it's not the right partner for,

1416
01:14:57.920 --> 01:14:59.520
for, you know, marriage.

1417
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.680
bridge and hopefully we're learning something from them in the process.

1418
01:15:05.000 --> 01:15:08.800
I just talked to one of my former students the other day via DMS.

1419
01:15:09.360 --> 01:15:13.120
Um, she DM me about something on Instagram and she used to be in this

1420
01:15:13.120 --> 01:15:16.440
community and she used to date someone in this community and they dated for a

1421
01:15:16.440 --> 01:15:19.760
while. And then they parted ways. Cause it just really wasn't a good fit.

1422
01:15:19.760 --> 01:15:23.520
They tried to make it work. They really had a lot of grace for each other.

1423
01:15:24.040 --> 01:15:27.480
Um, they wanted to make it work at some level, but it just didn't work.

1424
01:15:27.760 --> 01:15:28.400
And guess what?

1425
01:15:28.400 --> 01:15:33.400
Both of them after they parted ways went into very serious relationships with

1426
01:15:34.120 --> 01:15:37.080
other people. And in fact, he's getting married very soon.

1427
01:15:37.400 --> 01:15:41.240
And she's not that far from, you know,

1428
01:15:41.240 --> 01:15:45.200
she's committed and she's not that far from success in that way too. So

1429
01:15:47.240 --> 01:15:48.080
it happens.

1430
01:15:49.080 --> 01:15:52.960
And that's why it's important that we're willing to be in commitments because a

1431
01:15:52.960 --> 01:15:56.440
lot of times commitments lead to future partnerships with other people.

1432
01:15:57.400 --> 01:16:02.280
Okay. All right. Let's get, let's get these other folks, uh, done Hilda.

1433
01:16:02.280 --> 01:16:05.360
Thank you, Aaron, for that question. It was a good one. What do we got Hilda?

1434
01:16:10.040 --> 01:16:13.840
I got about 15 more minutes ladies. So let's make it fast. Gentlemen. I don't,

1435
01:16:13.840 --> 01:16:16.080
I see you on here, but I don't see anyone asking questions.

1436
01:16:16.080 --> 01:16:18.480
So if you have one, raise your hand, Hilda.

1437
01:16:19.680 --> 01:16:24.080
Hi guys. So my question is, um,

1438
01:16:24.120 --> 01:16:28.840
pretty much like, am I psyching myself out?

1439
01:16:28.840 --> 01:16:31.680
So I've been talking to now for,

1440
01:16:32.560 --> 01:16:37.560
we've known each other since March and we've been official since late November

1441
01:16:39.080 --> 01:16:40.440
right before Thanksgiving.

1442
01:16:41.640 --> 01:16:46.640
And so my thing is like when he doesn't,

1443
01:16:46.960 --> 01:16:50.440
like he works, you know, he has a schedule. It's kind of like earlier,

1444
01:16:50.440 --> 01:16:54.680
you answered how guys are not the greatest texters. So that was my thing.

1445
01:16:54.680 --> 01:16:57.760
Like I've kind of been in my head and I've been bringing it to the Lord.

1446
01:16:58.280 --> 01:17:02.800
Like am I being emotional about it? Um,

1447
01:17:02.840 --> 01:17:05.200
he's consistent. He checks in like, you know,

1448
01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:08.920
before work and after work and we talk, um,

1449
01:17:09.640 --> 01:17:11.360
on the phone probably not everything.

1450
01:17:11.400 --> 01:17:12.880
How long have you been dating this guy?

1451
01:17:13.600 --> 01:17:17.720
Since late November. So like November 23rd,

1452
01:17:17.800 --> 01:17:21.320
we've made it official, but since March, we've been talking since March.

1453
01:17:21.760 --> 01:17:25.280
Okay. Have you let him know that you need a higher level of communication from

1454
01:17:25.280 --> 01:17:28.520
him? No, I haven't. Okay.

1455
01:17:30.240 --> 01:17:33.360
You guys dated. Is it a terrible texter?

1456
01:17:33.920 --> 01:17:37.480
He's actually really a bad communicator just in general. Okay. Um,

1457
01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:41.200
but he's a really bad at texting back, not just me, but the kids, our kids,

1458
01:17:41.200 --> 01:17:44.680
you know, and stuff. And I've just, I've told him, look,

1459
01:17:45.000 --> 01:17:49.560
I need you to improve this. You can't leave us on red. We need,

1460
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:52.280
we need to know that you're listening. We need to know that you're responding.

1461
01:17:52.280 --> 01:17:55.360
A lot of times it's an important message. We need a response from it.

1462
01:17:55.680 --> 01:17:58.960
So do not be afraid to tell someone what you need, Hilda.

1463
01:17:59.000 --> 01:18:02.760
It's not going to be a deal breaker unless this is not the right person for you.

1464
01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:07.520
Right. So you need to let him know, don't demand it. Don't accuse,

1465
01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:08.840
but just say, Hey,

1466
01:18:09.560 --> 01:18:14.000
I really would love a higher level of response or

1467
01:18:14.000 --> 01:18:18.800
communication from you. Um, you know, like this is my love language.

1468
01:18:20.880 --> 01:18:24.120
Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I guess I can communicate too.

1469
01:18:25.520 --> 01:18:29.360
Yeah. You're allowed to ask for what you need and for what you want.

1470
01:18:30.120 --> 01:18:33.960
Ladies, the way that we go wrong with this is when we, when we accuse,

1471
01:18:34.840 --> 01:18:38.160
criticize, that's not how you do it.

1472
01:18:39.880 --> 01:18:43.440
You make it about you, not them. I need this.

1473
01:18:43.920 --> 01:18:48.440
This is important to me. Could you do this for me? That's what you do.

1474
01:18:49.320 --> 01:18:53.480
I use a soft tone. Men like soft tone.

1475
01:18:54.960 --> 01:18:57.920
It's, it's a soft tone. It's a gentle,

1476
01:18:57.960 --> 01:19:02.320
it's a gentle answer that turns away wrath. You want to show your femininity.

1477
01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:06.640
I will tell you that there's very little that a man will not do for you.

1478
01:19:06.640 --> 01:19:08.240
When you ask him nicely,

1479
01:19:08.360 --> 01:19:13.760
especially men that have, you know, the three M's. So.

1480
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:15.640
Thank you, Jackie.

1481
01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:18.840
Yes. Thank you, Marie PA. What you got?

1482
01:19:20.840 --> 01:19:22.560
Hey Jackie. Um,

1483
01:19:23.160 --> 01:19:27.960
I have been in contact dating in person with

1484
01:19:27.960 --> 01:19:32.600
someone since mid November. Um, just came,

1485
01:19:32.640 --> 01:19:36.960
well we were together almost weekly until December 31st.

1486
01:19:37.000 --> 01:19:40.560
Then he went to Florida, um, for the winter.

1487
01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:45.760
And then I spent nine days with him in January and just came back from a three

1488
01:19:45.760 --> 01:19:49.120
day weekend with him. Wow. He,

1489
01:19:50.280 --> 01:19:51.560
he's been head over heels.

1490
01:19:52.200 --> 01:19:56.640
It's been a little hard for him to accept that my feelings haven't matched his

1491
01:19:56.640 --> 01:19:59.800
pace. Um, I care about him.

1492
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.120
this last weekend was our first time together exclusive.

1493
01:20:04.120 --> 01:20:06.880
I did feel like affection growing,

1494
01:20:06.880 --> 01:20:10.920
but he's just having a hard time being patient.

1495
01:20:10.920 --> 01:20:14.480
He just, you know, that I'm not being committed.

1496
01:20:14.480 --> 01:20:17.060
How long have you guys been together again?

1497
01:20:17.060 --> 01:20:18.820
Just mid-November.

1498
01:20:18.820 --> 01:20:19.960
Okay, mid-November,

1499
01:20:19.960 --> 01:20:24.160
and you've gone on vacation with him a couple of times?

1500
01:20:24.160 --> 01:20:26.760
I was with him for nine days in January,

1501
01:20:26.760 --> 01:20:29.240
and then a three-day weekend.

1502
01:20:30.120 --> 01:20:33.120
But you usually live long distance?

1503
01:20:33.120 --> 01:20:35.840
We are two and a half hours apart when he's home,

1504
01:20:35.840 --> 01:20:38.480
but he's been in Florida for the winter.

1505
01:20:38.480 --> 01:20:42.360
Okay, so is this a fair assessment?

1506
01:20:42.360 --> 01:20:45.720
Most of your relationship since November

1507
01:20:45.720 --> 01:20:47.200
has been long distance,

1508
01:20:48.480 --> 01:20:50.420
like real long distance, Florida.

1509
01:20:51.680 --> 01:20:54.000
How long was he two and a half hours away,

1510
01:20:54.000 --> 01:20:56.080
and then he went to Florida?

1511
01:20:56.080 --> 01:20:57.400
Because you're saying the winter,

1512
01:20:57.400 --> 01:20:59.520
well, the winter is starting December,

1513
01:20:59.520 --> 01:21:01.660
January, February, we're in the winter.

1514
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:04.120
It was a month and a half

1515
01:21:04.120 --> 01:21:06.400
where we were two and a half hours apart, and then-

1516
01:21:06.400 --> 01:21:08.600
How long? Do you guys see each other a lot?

1517
01:21:09.680 --> 01:21:12.360
Almost weekly, not quite.

1518
01:21:12.360 --> 01:21:15.200
Okay, so you saw each other about four or five times,

1519
01:21:15.200 --> 01:21:17.280
and then he went to Florida?

1520
01:21:17.280 --> 01:21:18.440
Yeah.

1521
01:21:18.440 --> 01:21:22.260
Okay, and then you spent nine days and one weekend.

1522
01:21:22.260 --> 01:21:23.600
I don't think it's unreasonable

1523
01:21:23.600 --> 01:21:25.200
that you're not head over heels.

1524
01:21:26.120 --> 01:21:27.600
It's not unreasonable,

1525
01:21:27.600 --> 01:21:29.840
but what you're dealing with is one of two things,

1526
01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:31.280
and you tell me which it is.

1527
01:21:31.280 --> 01:21:33.440
You're dealing with an anxious attacher,

1528
01:21:33.440 --> 01:21:36.400
and how you're going to assess that

1529
01:21:36.400 --> 01:21:39.600
is he's someone who was very quick to say, I love you.

1530
01:21:39.600 --> 01:21:41.840
He's someone who's always saying things

1531
01:21:41.840 --> 01:21:42.880
like, I'm thinking about you.

1532
01:21:42.880 --> 01:21:44.040
I can't wait to be with you.

1533
01:21:44.040 --> 01:21:46.200
Someone who's maybe love bombing a little bit.

1534
01:21:46.200 --> 01:21:47.920
Someone who has jumped the gun

1535
01:21:47.920 --> 01:21:49.920
and is already planning the future.

1536
01:21:49.920 --> 01:21:52.320
And, or it could be a secure attacher

1537
01:21:52.320 --> 01:21:54.160
where he's not doing those things,

1538
01:21:54.240 --> 01:21:56.000
but he definitely is letting you know

1539
01:21:56.000 --> 01:21:57.960
that he is sure about you.

1540
01:21:58.840 --> 01:21:59.680
Which one?

1541
01:22:01.040 --> 01:22:03.400
I would guess anxious attacher.

1542
01:22:03.400 --> 01:22:04.640
Okay.

1543
01:22:04.640 --> 01:22:05.720
Yeah.

1544
01:22:05.720 --> 01:22:06.560
All right.

1545
01:22:06.560 --> 01:22:07.600
This doesn't make him evil,

1546
01:22:07.600 --> 01:22:09.880
and it doesn't mean he's completely unhealthy.

1547
01:22:09.880 --> 01:22:11.960
It doesn't mean that it's a deal breaker.

1548
01:22:11.960 --> 01:22:12.800
It's not a deal breaker.

1549
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:14.320
Lots of anxious attachers go on

1550
01:22:14.320 --> 01:22:16.660
to have very happy relationships.

1551
01:22:16.660 --> 01:22:19.280
You just need to know that early in relationship,

1552
01:22:19.280 --> 01:22:20.600
they need a lot of certainty,

1553
01:22:20.600 --> 01:22:22.700
and they feel very insecure.

1554
01:22:23.540 --> 01:22:24.740
Okay.

1555
01:22:24.740 --> 01:22:26.020
That makes sense.

1556
01:22:26.020 --> 01:22:26.860
Yeah.

1557
01:22:26.860 --> 01:22:29.380
So when you say that you're not as sure about him

1558
01:22:29.380 --> 01:22:31.580
as he is about you,

1559
01:22:31.580 --> 01:22:33.940
it makes him feel like, you know,

1560
01:22:33.940 --> 01:22:36.620
you're gonna leave.

1561
01:22:36.620 --> 01:22:38.980
Their biggest fear is abandonment.

1562
01:22:38.980 --> 01:22:40.300
Yeah.

1563
01:22:40.300 --> 01:22:41.260
You're gonna break up with him.

1564
01:22:41.260 --> 01:22:42.740
You're gonna decide that you don't like him anymore.

1565
01:22:42.740 --> 01:22:44.420
So the way that you can help him

1566
01:22:44.420 --> 01:22:45.660
is you can use language like,

1567
01:22:45.660 --> 01:22:49.380
hey, you know, I'm growing in affection towards you.

1568
01:22:49.380 --> 01:22:52.460
You know, I like getting to know you.

1569
01:22:53.260 --> 01:22:56.580
I'm enjoying our time together.

1570
01:22:56.580 --> 01:22:58.420
You know, you can say those things.

1571
01:22:58.420 --> 01:23:00.380
You don't have to say, I'm falling in love with you.

1572
01:23:00.380 --> 01:23:01.500
I'm madly in love with you.

1573
01:23:01.500 --> 01:23:03.140
You know, I wanna marry you someday,

1574
01:23:03.140 --> 01:23:06.660
but you can affirm that you are enjoying your time

1575
01:23:06.660 --> 01:23:08.960
and that you're looking forward to more of it.

1576
01:23:11.580 --> 01:23:15.900
And then you can also say gently and non-accusatorily,

1577
01:23:15.900 --> 01:23:17.980
hey, I can tell that, you know,

1578
01:23:17.980 --> 01:23:20.740
maybe you're a little nervous about this relationship,

1579
01:23:20.740 --> 01:23:23.460
and I just need you to be patient with me.

1580
01:23:23.460 --> 01:23:28.300
I'm not a quick, I'm not a quick start like you are.

1581
01:23:28.300 --> 01:23:31.580
I just need time to get to know you.

1582
01:23:33.460 --> 01:23:34.580
I have been telling him that.

1583
01:23:34.580 --> 01:23:35.420
Bless his heart.

1584
01:23:36.700 --> 01:23:37.540
Bless his heart.

1585
01:23:38.620 --> 01:23:41.140
His little fast microwave heart.

1586
01:23:43.300 --> 01:23:44.140
Yeah.

1587
01:23:46.100 --> 01:23:48.620
Someone put up a crock pot, not a microwave.

1588
01:23:48.620 --> 01:23:49.660
You're the crock pot.

1589
01:23:49.700 --> 01:23:50.820
He's the microwave.

1590
01:23:50.820 --> 01:23:53.220
You guys, what happens when crock pots and microwaves

1591
01:23:53.220 --> 01:23:54.540
start dating each other?

1592
01:23:56.020 --> 01:23:56.900
What happens?

1593
01:23:58.220 --> 01:23:59.900
Somebody's gonna get burned.

1594
01:23:59.900 --> 01:24:01.100
No, just joking.

1595
01:24:01.100 --> 01:24:02.300
But I just thought it was funny

1596
01:24:02.300 --> 01:24:03.940
because get it, microwave is crock pot.

1597
01:24:03.940 --> 01:24:04.780
Okay.

1598
01:24:04.780 --> 01:24:05.620
All right.

1599
01:24:07.260 --> 01:24:08.100
Can I add?

1600
01:24:09.100 --> 01:24:10.780
Yeah.

1601
01:24:10.780 --> 01:24:13.700
So he was asking me on the way to the airport,

1602
01:24:13.700 --> 01:24:14.860
like, what do I need?

1603
01:24:14.860 --> 01:24:15.700
What are my questions?

1604
01:24:15.700 --> 01:24:17.740
I'm here, just give it to me.

1605
01:24:17.820 --> 01:24:21.940
And so I brought up one area that we are,

1606
01:24:21.940 --> 01:24:23.220
that I know we're different in.

1607
01:24:23.220 --> 01:24:25.660
He had mentioned that he and his deceased wife

1608
01:24:25.660 --> 01:24:29.460
had been, had differences in this area.

1609
01:24:29.460 --> 01:24:31.540
And that was like, she was much more conscientious

1610
01:24:31.540 --> 01:24:32.820
about telling the truth,

1611
01:24:33.940 --> 01:24:36.740
about like honestly reporting taxes.

1612
01:24:36.740 --> 01:24:39.740
And so,

1613
01:24:42.380 --> 01:24:46.020
like, there were several when I was with him

1614
01:24:46.020 --> 01:24:50.300
that he would try to get into places,

1615
01:24:50.300 --> 01:24:52.980
like get admission into places on the senior price,

1616
01:24:52.980 --> 01:24:54.780
but he's really not a senior yet.

1617
01:24:56.780 --> 01:24:59.060
So I kind of struggled a little bit with that.

1618
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.160
I don't know, just trust.

1619
01:25:01.160 --> 01:25:04.080
But he's out here, he's out here stealing that senior discount.

1620
01:25:04.840 --> 01:25:05.080
Yeah.

1621
01:25:07.880 --> 01:25:08.320
Is it?

1622
01:25:09.280 --> 01:25:13.840
No, I mean, if it was, if he was trying to get a five finger discount, he's

1623
01:25:13.840 --> 01:25:16.880
actually stealing things, then that'd be a whole different story.

1624
01:25:17.360 --> 01:25:20.200
But if he's just trying to get that senior discount, because

1625
01:25:20.200 --> 01:25:21.600
he's close to being a senior.

1626
01:25:21.780 --> 01:25:25.240
That's like my husband who parks in the employee of the month parking

1627
01:25:25.240 --> 01:25:28.520
spot, because he said that if they were there, then they would

1628
01:25:28.520 --> 01:25:29.880
be in their parking spot.

1629
01:25:30.400 --> 01:25:33.720
I mean, there's just people who everything's a little bit gray

1630
01:25:33.720 --> 01:25:35.160
and not really black and white.

1631
01:25:35.320 --> 01:25:40.440
I definitely wouldn't think I wouldn't, I wouldn't judge that as dishonest.

1632
01:25:40.960 --> 01:25:41.160
Okay.

1633
01:25:41.160 --> 01:25:43.240
I yell at my husband all the time about stuff like this.

1634
01:25:43.240 --> 01:25:44.280
Cause I wouldn't do it.

1635
01:25:45.920 --> 01:25:46.440
Right.

1636
01:25:46.520 --> 01:25:48.480
I'm just like, Hey, that's not right.

1637
01:25:48.520 --> 01:25:49.320
You shouldn't do that.

1638
01:25:49.400 --> 01:25:49.840
You know?

1639
01:25:49.840 --> 01:25:53.520
And he's like, whatever you're just uptight, you know?

1640
01:25:53.800 --> 01:25:56.120
So there's going to be little things like that.

1641
01:25:56.400 --> 01:25:59.680
So look, I asked you if he was an anxious or secure.

1642
01:25:59.680 --> 01:26:02.160
You think he's an anxious, but you may be a little bit avoidant

1643
01:26:02.800 --> 01:26:05.120
because right now what you're saying is a little nitpicky.

1644
01:26:06.040 --> 01:26:06.360
Okay.

1645
01:26:07.080 --> 01:26:09.200
Just a little, just a tiny bit.

1646
01:26:09.920 --> 01:26:11.520
Are you trying to find something wrong with him?

1647
01:26:13.240 --> 01:26:16.400
Not consciously, but I'm willing to own it.

1648
01:26:16.960 --> 01:26:21.760
I mean, I'm, I just want you to be on alert for yourself.

1649
01:26:22.720 --> 01:26:23.000
Okay.

1650
01:26:23.720 --> 01:26:24.080
Okay.

1651
01:26:24.640 --> 01:26:26.840
That there is not even a yellow flag for me.

1652
01:26:26.840 --> 01:26:30.600
That's just someone who sees that the system is dumb and

1653
01:26:30.600 --> 01:26:32.040
wants to try to circumvent it.

1654
01:26:33.040 --> 01:26:35.840
Um, but especially since there are more people on a fixed

1655
01:26:35.840 --> 01:26:37.400
income than just 55 and older.

1656
01:26:37.840 --> 01:26:41.720
But once again, just watch yourself.

1657
01:26:42.000 --> 01:26:45.560
I don't want you overextending and ignoring, but I also don't want

1658
01:26:45.560 --> 01:26:47.360
you trying to create a problem.

1659
01:26:47.400 --> 01:26:47.840
Okay.

1660
01:26:50.120 --> 01:26:50.360
All right.

1661
01:26:50.360 --> 01:26:51.560
Will you keep us posted Marie?

1662
01:26:54.560 --> 01:26:55.720
When are you going to see each other again?

1663
01:26:57.040 --> 01:27:01.240
Um, February, as far as I know.

1664
01:27:02.000 --> 01:27:03.760
That's this month we're in February.

1665
01:27:04.280 --> 01:27:04.760
Yeah.

1666
01:27:04.880 --> 01:27:09.680
Um, I am going down to Florida for a coach's retreat mid-February and

1667
01:27:09.680 --> 01:27:12.720
then I'll be seeing him as far as just a couple of weeks.

1668
01:27:13.040 --> 01:27:13.520
Perfect.

1669
01:27:14.120 --> 01:27:14.560
All right.

1670
01:27:14.640 --> 01:27:15.600
Keep us posted.

1671
01:27:15.680 --> 01:27:17.400
You guys long distance is not easy.

1672
01:27:17.400 --> 01:27:20.080
So make sure you guys are communicating via FaceTime,

1673
01:27:20.120 --> 01:27:21.000
phone calls and stuff.

1674
01:27:21.000 --> 01:27:21.360
Okay.

1675
01:27:21.880 --> 01:27:22.120
Okay.

1676
01:27:22.840 --> 01:27:24.040
You can even have cute little dates.

1677
01:27:24.040 --> 01:27:26.560
You can plan little FaceTime dates where you're both having a

1678
01:27:26.560 --> 01:27:30.760
cup of coffee together, or you're both eating dinner together, playing a game.

1679
01:27:30.760 --> 01:27:33.240
A lot of people play games on FaceTime.

1680
01:27:33.240 --> 01:27:35.200
So it's not just boring talking all the time.

1681
01:27:35.720 --> 01:27:37.320
You know, there's different things you can do.

1682
01:27:37.760 --> 01:27:39.200
All right, Rosanna, you're next.

1683
01:27:39.200 --> 01:27:40.360
You guys, we have to go quickly.

1684
01:27:40.360 --> 01:27:41.800
Cause we're about to be over time.

1685
01:27:41.800 --> 01:27:43.680
So really quick, ask your question.

1686
01:27:43.680 --> 01:27:44.400
I'll give you the answer.

1687
01:27:44.400 --> 01:27:45.200
Rosanna, what you got?

1688
01:27:45.360 --> 01:27:45.800
Hey there.

1689
01:27:45.840 --> 01:27:46.960
Um, really fast.

1690
01:27:47.000 --> 01:27:50.560
I'm so I have five kids and I get really nervous about opening that up when

1691
01:27:50.560 --> 01:27:53.360
the guys are like, oh, so you have children, how many do you have?

1692
01:27:53.760 --> 01:27:55.600
One guy said, he was like, oh, I don't mind that.

1693
01:27:55.600 --> 01:27:57.040
He's like, are you open to more though?

1694
01:27:57.080 --> 01:27:58.320
And I was like, yes, I am.

1695
01:27:58.320 --> 01:28:02.560
And then another guy just asked me, he's like, Hey, um, how many children do you

1696
01:28:02.560 --> 01:28:02.960
have?

1697
01:28:03.360 --> 01:28:06.160
Um, and so I just get a little nervous with that.

1698
01:28:06.160 --> 01:28:10.720
And then I'm also interested in like maybe a long, um, there's a couple of

1699
01:28:10.720 --> 01:28:12.440
long distance people, but I'm just new.

1700
01:28:12.440 --> 01:28:16.920
I just started to put myself out on Facebook dating and on bumble this week.

1701
01:28:17.160 --> 01:28:20.760
And so I'm trying to figure out, am I getting nervous or do I want locality

1702
01:28:20.760 --> 01:28:23.560
only because it's just convenient and it's close by because I'm just

1703
01:28:23.560 --> 01:28:24.560
getting my feet wet again.

1704
01:28:25.200 --> 01:28:28.520
Um, so I don't know if it's fear that I'll just be rejected cause I have five

1705
01:28:28.520 --> 01:28:29.920
kids, but they're my blessings.

1706
01:28:29.920 --> 01:28:30.280
Right.

1707
01:28:30.280 --> 01:28:32.840
And, um, absolutely.

1708
01:28:32.880 --> 01:28:33.680
A hundred percent.

1709
01:28:33.680 --> 01:28:36.520
And look, there's plenty of people that will love you and your children.

1710
01:28:36.520 --> 01:28:39.040
And that goes for everyone who has children, men and women.

1711
01:28:39.080 --> 01:28:40.760
Your love story is not just your love story.

1712
01:28:40.760 --> 01:28:41.960
It's their love story too.

1713
01:28:42.520 --> 01:28:46.480
You guys, for those of you that are, um, parents that have shared parenting,

1714
01:28:46.480 --> 01:28:49.840
please try to keep your introductions local for now.

1715
01:28:50.560 --> 01:28:51.080
Okay.

1716
01:28:51.840 --> 01:28:56.040
It doesn't make any sense unless God should introduce you to someone who's

1717
01:28:56.040 --> 01:28:57.960
here and then moves away or something.

1718
01:28:58.120 --> 01:29:01.680
It doesn't make any sense to get it real complicated when you are a single

1719
01:29:01.680 --> 01:29:07.960
parent that also has to co-parent with an ex, please be very mindful of this

1720
01:29:07.960 --> 01:29:12.320
because the amount of love stories that I've seen that had to end because

1721
01:29:12.320 --> 01:29:14.560
someone couldn't move are a lot.

1722
01:29:15.720 --> 01:29:19.040
And so there isn't any reason to get all interested in and all entangled

1723
01:29:19.040 --> 01:29:22.600
with someone that you can't be with without leaving your children behind.

1724
01:29:23.120 --> 01:29:23.560
Okay.

1725
01:29:23.560 --> 01:29:25.680
And so, and of course that's never God's will.

1726
01:29:25.960 --> 01:29:26.400
All right.

1727
01:29:26.440 --> 01:29:31.000
Or I don't have that issue with that because he's a widow, but I, I agree.

1728
01:29:31.040 --> 01:29:36.400
I'm good for you, but also if they have kids, make sure that you want

1729
01:29:36.400 --> 01:29:37.400
to move to where they're going.

1730
01:29:37.640 --> 01:29:37.960
Right.

1731
01:29:37.960 --> 01:29:41.080
I have to understand that relocation has to be something that I have to,

1732
01:29:41.080 --> 01:29:43.160
this one guy that's talking, we're an hour away.

1733
01:29:43.560 --> 01:29:46.240
Um, but that that's, we had just started.

1734
01:29:46.240 --> 01:29:47.040
He gave me his number.

1735
01:29:47.040 --> 01:29:48.400
How old is your oldest child?

1736
01:29:48.880 --> 01:29:50.320
17 on Friday.

1737
01:29:50.480 --> 01:29:51.960
And my youngest is six.

1738
01:29:52.720 --> 01:29:56.840
I have how many, how many teenagers, middle schoolers do you have?

1739
01:29:56.960 --> 01:30:00.040
I have two middles, two teenage sons, 18.

1740
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.720
Once apart, my daughter is 12 and then my two youngest boys are eight and six.

1741
01:30:04.160 --> 01:30:05.160
They go to public school.

1742
01:30:05.760 --> 01:30:06.800
Two are homeschooled.

1743
01:30:06.800 --> 01:30:09.160
The other three go to Christian school and I teach out one of them.

1744
01:30:09.720 --> 01:30:10.200
Okay.

1745
01:30:10.200 --> 01:30:14.160
And how long have you been living in the school district and going to that school?

1746
01:30:14.640 --> 01:30:19.640
Um, we've been living in the city for six years, so they, this is the only

1747
01:30:19.640 --> 01:30:20.680
town that they've really known.

1748
01:30:21.200 --> 01:30:22.560
Um, my kids have gone.

1749
01:30:23.280 --> 01:30:25.600
My daughter just started the school last year and then the little

1750
01:30:25.600 --> 01:30:27.480
one started two years ago there.

1751
01:30:28.480 --> 01:30:31.880
So my advice to you would be, don't move your kids.

1752
01:30:33.520 --> 01:30:35.080
You know, they've already been through enough.

1753
01:30:35.200 --> 01:30:36.120
They lost her dad.

1754
01:30:36.720 --> 01:30:39.440
You know, um, you guys have a community around you.

1755
01:30:39.440 --> 01:30:40.480
You teach at the school.

1756
01:30:40.480 --> 01:30:43.960
You got a good situation going on before you know it, you're going to blank

1757
01:30:43.960 --> 01:30:45.440
and they're going to be out of school.

1758
01:30:45.800 --> 01:30:47.560
Um, especially the older ones.

1759
01:30:47.600 --> 01:30:51.720
I, if I were you and less, it's a absolute God thing.

1760
01:30:51.720 --> 01:30:54.640
And you know, that, you know, that, you know, and everyone's

1761
01:30:54.640 --> 01:30:56.560
on board and wants to go.

1762
01:30:56.800 --> 01:30:58.880
Do not leave where you are.

1763
01:30:59.440 --> 01:30:59.760
Yeah.

1764
01:31:00.080 --> 01:31:01.240
It's not a desire of mine.

1765
01:31:01.240 --> 01:31:05.360
I even put on our activation that does a relocation is not an option currently.

1766
01:31:06.040 --> 01:31:06.880
I let them, yes.

1767
01:31:06.920 --> 01:31:07.920
Let them come to you.

1768
01:31:07.920 --> 01:31:08.520
There's plenty.

1769
01:31:08.760 --> 01:31:09.680
What city do you live in?

1770
01:31:10.080 --> 01:31:13.800
I'm in Delaware, Ohio, Delaware.

1771
01:31:13.840 --> 01:31:17.400
Oh, Delaware, Ohio, Ohio, Delaware.

1772
01:31:17.400 --> 01:31:21.240
I'm very, very, um, familiar with Delaware, Ohio.

1773
01:31:21.240 --> 01:31:22.440
I used to live in Lewis center.

1774
01:31:22.640 --> 01:31:22.920
Yeah.

1775
01:31:23.280 --> 01:31:23.440
Yeah.

1776
01:31:23.480 --> 01:31:28.120
And there's a big enough population in Columbus, Ohio.

1777
01:31:28.800 --> 01:31:29.320
Okay.

1778
01:31:29.560 --> 01:31:34.440
Where you there's, there's plenty of men, plenty of men.

1779
01:31:34.560 --> 01:31:35.560
There's plenty of men.

1780
01:31:35.880 --> 01:31:36.680
Um, okay.

1781
01:31:36.680 --> 01:31:39.880
So we're, we're gonna, we're going to stay where we are right now.

1782
01:31:40.080 --> 01:31:44.360
And we also, when it comes to, you know, listen, when it comes to your kids, don't

1783
01:31:44.360 --> 01:31:46.600
give people a lot of information about your kids, you're going to say you're a

1784
01:31:46.600 --> 01:31:50.200
single mom, but if someone straight up asks you how many kids you have, you can't

1785
01:31:50.200 --> 01:31:51.280
lie, right.

1786
01:31:51.280 --> 01:31:52.560
You're going to say, I have five kids.

1787
01:31:52.560 --> 01:31:54.600
And if that's a deal breaker for them, then guess what?

1788
01:31:54.600 --> 01:31:56.200
You got to weed them out early.

1789
01:31:58.280 --> 01:32:00.760
Would you suggest that over the phone or like on Bumble?

1790
01:32:00.760 --> 01:32:03.920
Like, cause he's been so sweet and asking questions and he's like, you said you

1791
01:32:03.920 --> 01:32:04.320
have children.

1792
01:32:04.320 --> 01:32:05.080
How many do you have?

1793
01:32:05.560 --> 01:32:08.920
And I was like, do I, do we do an audio call or say like, I have five children.

1794
01:32:08.960 --> 01:32:10.480
One guy was totally fine with it.

1795
01:32:10.480 --> 01:32:12.160
And the other one, I haven't responded yet.

1796
01:32:12.160 --> 01:32:14.520
I'm actually glad we had this before I respond to him.

1797
01:32:15.280 --> 01:32:15.840
I mean, yeah.

1798
01:32:15.840 --> 01:32:18.040
If someone asks you how many, you can say, I have five kids.

1799
01:32:18.400 --> 01:32:18.640
Okay.

1800
01:32:18.640 --> 01:32:24.240
You know, you were married, you know, you, you have five children and that's great.

1801
01:32:24.240 --> 01:32:24.760
It's wonderful.

1802
01:32:24.760 --> 01:32:27.840
Like you said, children are blessings and you're willing to have more.

1803
01:32:27.840 --> 01:32:29.360
So that shouldn't be a deal breaker.

1804
01:32:29.800 --> 01:32:32.880
And, um, the right man is not going to be intimidated by five kids.

1805
01:32:32.880 --> 01:32:36.120
In fact, maybe you'll end up as yours, mine and ours, and he'll have five and

1806
01:32:36.120 --> 01:32:37.600
you'll have the Brady bunch and it'll be great.

1807
01:32:38.160 --> 01:32:38.360
Yeah.

1808
01:32:38.360 --> 01:32:40.600
Brady bunch is always mentioned to me when I talk to people.

1809
01:32:40.600 --> 01:32:42.320
So I'm like, all right, Lord, let's see what happens.

1810
01:32:44.760 --> 01:32:45.840
They only both had three.

1811
01:32:45.840 --> 01:32:49.320
So that's six, but you know, five, five, let's go.

1812
01:32:50.480 --> 01:32:53.120
Um, yes, you're welcome.

1813
01:32:53.120 --> 01:32:54.560
Listen, you're, you're amazing.

1814
01:32:54.560 --> 01:32:55.440
You're wonderful.

1815
01:32:55.440 --> 01:33:01.080
And God's definitely got a great love story for you and you don't have to, and

1816
01:33:01.080 --> 01:33:06.240
you don't have to try to make it easy on the man, you don't have to try to make it

1817
01:33:06.240 --> 01:33:06.800
easy on him.

1818
01:33:06.800 --> 01:33:09.720
All of you, single moms, you don't have to try to make it easy on, on them.

1819
01:33:10.160 --> 01:33:13.280
You know, if they're cut out to be part of your love story and your children's

1820
01:33:13.280 --> 01:33:15.080
love story, then they'll rise to the occasion.

1821
01:33:15.680 --> 01:33:15.880
Okay.

1822
01:33:16.480 --> 01:33:16.840
They'll rise.

1823
01:33:16.840 --> 01:33:18.800
But I want, that's what I want for sure.

1824
01:33:19.360 --> 01:33:19.640
Yeah.

1825
01:33:19.960 --> 01:33:22.200
And until you get to know them really well, they don't need a whole bunch of

1826
01:33:22.200 --> 01:33:23.560
information about your kids either.

1827
01:33:23.560 --> 01:33:24.360
Cause people are weird.

1828
01:33:24.600 --> 01:33:24.720
Yeah.

1829
01:33:24.720 --> 01:33:25.000
Okay.

1830
01:33:25.360 --> 01:33:25.600
Thanks.

1831
01:33:25.600 --> 01:33:25.920
All right.

1832
01:33:25.960 --> 01:33:27.640
So ladies be diligent, be discerning.

1833
01:33:27.720 --> 01:33:30.080
Joanne quick and quick, quick, brief and powerful.

1834
01:33:30.080 --> 01:33:30.520
What do you got?

1835
01:33:31.320 --> 01:33:31.800
Yeah.

1836
01:33:31.800 --> 01:33:39.160
So I've had a tendency to, um, be in relationships or date men that are, they

1837
01:33:39.160 --> 01:33:43.840
come on really strong and they're really interested and I'm working on not

1838
01:33:43.840 --> 01:33:50.800
attaching quickly because the pattern has been, they think I'm the one or, um,

1839
01:33:51.520 --> 01:33:55.840
they're very sure about me early on, like in the first week or a couple of weeks.

1840
01:33:56.600 --> 01:34:02.720
And it activates my, the anxious attachment tendencies that I have for like,

1841
01:34:02.760 --> 01:34:04.840
Oh no, I've gone through this.

1842
01:34:04.920 --> 01:34:10.360
Like I'm almost, I've been engaged a couple of times and like they, they, they

1843
01:34:10.360 --> 01:34:13.800
decide they can't do this or they're not ready or they didn't hear from God.

1844
01:34:14.400 --> 01:34:18.000
So I just want to work on attracting the right type of man.

1845
01:34:18.080 --> 01:34:23.840
I am like a very passionate artist, like a four that's really in my emotions.

1846
01:34:23.840 --> 01:34:27.920
So it's hard for me to not emotionally bond.

1847
01:34:27.960 --> 01:34:31.120
And I recently just went through a situation where the guy was coming in

1848
01:34:31.120 --> 01:34:34.040
super strong and I was trying to slow it down.

1849
01:34:34.080 --> 01:34:38.120
And I told him I need to schedule times to talk to you.

1850
01:34:38.760 --> 01:34:40.200
And that totally blew over.

1851
01:34:40.200 --> 01:34:46.040
Like he couldn't follow through on the times that we scheduled because he had

1852
01:34:46.040 --> 01:34:48.880
like work crises that came up.

1853
01:34:49.400 --> 01:34:54.560
And so I'm also trying to navigate how to have realistic expectations and not

1854
01:34:54.560 --> 01:34:59.760
like act out my anxious attachment tendencies while still having like good

1855
01:34:59.760 --> 01:35:00.040
guard.

1856
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.840
Rails to pace and see if this person is for real and consistent, okay

1857
01:35:04.840 --> 01:35:10.800
How quickly do you when you're talking to someone or like in person getting with them and stuff?

1858
01:35:10.800 --> 01:35:14.160
How quickly does it turn physical holding hands hugging kissing?

1859
01:35:16.160 --> 01:35:22.280
It really depends on each person I'm I just historically historically

1860
01:35:24.240 --> 01:35:26.240
First second third date

1861
01:35:27.080 --> 01:35:34.240
So fast from the first time I don't like I don't go and like go all all all in sex or anything like that

1862
01:35:34.240 --> 01:35:37.840
Yeah, I understand sometimes like like, you know

1863
01:35:38.800 --> 01:35:40.800
cuddling kissing a little bit

1864
01:35:41.400 --> 01:35:49.360
Or more and then some people it's like a couple weeks like okay, but like a month or something

1865
01:35:49.880 --> 01:35:50.880
Okay

1866
01:35:50.880 --> 01:35:57.080
Strong they start those people that you that you abstain from that for at least a month. Are there really deep?

1867
01:35:57.440 --> 01:35:59.440
emotional things being shared

1868
01:35:59.600 --> 01:36:00.680
Yeah

1869
01:36:00.680 --> 01:36:08.640
Yeah, sometimes there are and yeah, and and it's usually them moving the physical really fast

1870
01:36:08.640 --> 01:36:12.840
Yeah, it's not what you need to understand is that these are dopamine hits, right?

1871
01:36:14.080 --> 01:36:18.760
These are dopamine hits and anyone who's just here for the dopamine everyone. Listen

1872
01:36:19.360 --> 01:36:22.800
This can be men or women. This is not just men that do this women do it as well

1873
01:36:23.240 --> 01:36:28.680
Anyone who's just here for the dopamine if you don't give them the satisfaction

1874
01:36:29.600 --> 01:36:31.720
Then you can weed them out quickly

1875
01:36:32.360 --> 01:36:36.700
They're here for the they're here for the vibes. They're not here for the relationship

1876
01:36:36.700 --> 01:36:42.900
Okay, and the way you can do this is is that they'll try to make a deep connection from the from the beginning

1877
01:36:42.900 --> 01:36:46.120
It'll either be physical or emotional. That's why I asked her for both scenarios

1878
01:36:46.560 --> 01:36:51.200
So they'll if you get in person with them if they try to go for the handhold on the first date

1879
01:36:51.200 --> 01:36:55.440
They try to go for the extra long hug or you know, anything that would just get excited

1880
01:36:55.440 --> 01:37:00.280
It's not just about you guys not just about sex. It's about the butterflies. It's about infatuation

1881
01:37:00.280 --> 01:37:06.440
It's about feeding the dopamine. And so those people you got a flag on. All right doesn't mean that you know

1882
01:37:06.440 --> 01:37:09.680
You can't just push back and say hey, you know, I'm not ready for that

1883
01:37:09.680 --> 01:37:12.440
We need to get to know each other better if they keep coming back around

1884
01:37:12.880 --> 01:37:15.480
Maybe they're they're, you know willing to be reformed

1885
01:37:15.480 --> 01:37:21.040
But these people are dopamine addicts the people that go for the quick, you know deep deep

1886
01:37:21.200 --> 01:37:27.960
You know want to dive into your ocean kind of people emotionally same thing. They're here for the vibes

1887
01:37:27.960 --> 01:37:29.160
They're here for the dopamine

1888
01:37:29.160 --> 01:37:32.800
And so if you hold back they ask you a super personal question

1889
01:37:32.800 --> 01:37:38.320
And it's gonna be hard for you because you've been you've been caught up in the dopamine too. Okay, you say that you're for

1890
01:37:38.960 --> 01:37:41.240
Forest are really a moating people

1891
01:37:41.240 --> 01:37:45.600
They very much like the connections the dip the depth of connection

1892
01:37:45.600 --> 01:37:48.480
And so when they ask you a personal question

1893
01:37:49.280 --> 01:37:53.840
Inappropriate personal question when you barely know them saying hey, you know

1894
01:37:53.840 --> 01:37:59.000
I I'd rather get to know you get better first before you know, we go deep like that

1895
01:37:59.000 --> 01:38:05.400
They'll be gone if they're just here for the vibes if they're just you know, if they're just dopamine vampires

1896
01:38:05.400 --> 01:38:08.440
They're gonna be gone and weed themselves out

1897
01:38:10.080 --> 01:38:16.720
It's gonna be hard for you though because you like it too and so Joanne you have to just make a decision that you want

1898
01:38:16.720 --> 01:38:21.920
Something real and solid and you want to build a foundation this time and you don't want to continue to have these relationships

1899
01:38:22.120 --> 01:38:24.360
That burn hot and fast and out

1900
01:38:26.360 --> 01:38:33.040
Right, yeah, so what do you do you think that what I suggested to him like schedule a time was a good filter

1901
01:38:33.080 --> 01:38:38.520
Oh good. We absolutely you're gonna have to put up lots of filters and boundaries and you know what you're not gonna

1902
01:38:38.520 --> 01:38:40.520
You're not gonna like it

1903
01:38:40.680 --> 01:38:42.760
It's gonna seem kind of boring to you

1904
01:38:44.000 --> 01:38:45.840
But you're gonna have to have it at first

1905
01:38:45.840 --> 01:38:50.520
You guys can go hot and fast and you can get all up in the fields and you can you know

1906
01:38:50.520 --> 01:38:52.520
Cuddle and get all romantic

1907
01:38:52.840 --> 01:38:59.400
After you get to know this person and you know that they're not just someone who's just after this and then they're gonna be gone

1908
01:38:59.400 --> 01:39:02.360
I don't mean sex. I mean after the excitement

1909
01:39:04.040 --> 01:39:05.480
Right

1910
01:39:05.480 --> 01:39:06.840
So, how do I deter?

1911
01:39:06.840 --> 01:39:12.920
Do you think that I should just turn down guys when they come on so strong and they're a thousand percent. Yes

1912
01:39:13.400 --> 01:39:18.520
Cuz I know that you don't realize it, but you're sending out a signal that's causing you to attract that

1913
01:39:18.520 --> 01:39:20.760
And so we want to turn that signal off

1914
01:39:21.560 --> 01:39:26.560
the reason why you're attracting this over and over again is because you're sending because of your

1915
01:39:26.920 --> 01:39:29.520
Personality and the vibe that you send out you're sending it out

1916
01:39:30.160 --> 01:39:32.160
like the bat signal and

1917
01:39:33.120 --> 01:39:38.680
Batman is picking it up and he's coming. Okay, but in this case, he's you know, love bomber, man

1918
01:39:38.680 --> 01:39:43.640
and so we want to make sure that we're turning that off because we don't want that over and over and over again and

1919
01:39:43.640 --> 01:39:48.400
At first that's gonna seem really boring to you. The stability is often boring

1920
01:39:49.160 --> 01:39:54.680
It is at first until we get over this attraction. That's not serving us

1921
01:39:56.120 --> 01:40:00.080
Okay, you're kind of attraction. What how do I?

1922
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.080
by doing things that are very counterintuitive.

1923
01:40:03.080 --> 01:40:04.920
So whatever Joanne would normally do,

1924
01:40:04.920 --> 01:40:07.320
Joanne's gonna do the opposite of it right now.

1925
01:40:08.680 --> 01:40:10.180
So don't share deeply.

1926
01:40:10.180 --> 01:40:13.400
Don't, don't, don't ask deep questions.

1927
01:40:13.400 --> 01:40:15.060
Keep it very chill.

1928
01:40:15.880 --> 01:40:17.040
Yeah, yeah.

1929
01:40:17.040 --> 01:40:17.920
Can you do it?

1930
01:40:18.960 --> 01:40:23.160
I can, but it's when the guy starts being like all like,

1931
01:40:23.160 --> 01:40:25.560
then it's really hard when they're loved by me

1932
01:40:25.560 --> 01:40:27.240
and saying, I wanna be exclusive.

1933
01:40:27.240 --> 01:40:28.480
I like you so much.

1934
01:40:28.720 --> 01:40:30.840
I know, but that's how you're weeding them out.

1935
01:40:30.840 --> 01:40:33.600
Cause you already know how that crashes and burns.

1936
01:40:35.120 --> 01:40:38.560
So I should just be like, not even believe them.

1937
01:40:38.560 --> 01:40:40.680
Cause some part of me is like, maybe they are real.

1938
01:40:40.680 --> 01:40:41.840
Maybe he is the one.

1939
01:40:41.840 --> 01:40:43.080
I don't know.

1940
01:40:43.080 --> 01:40:44.480
Yeah, but I just don't understand.

1941
01:40:44.480 --> 01:40:46.960
I don't think that you understand how sexy you are.

1942
01:40:46.960 --> 01:40:49.520
Just like, even now you're being really sexy, okay.

1943
01:40:49.520 --> 01:40:51.600
And we're just like on a coaching call.

1944
01:40:51.600 --> 01:40:53.840
And what I mean by that is like your voice,

1945
01:40:53.840 --> 01:40:56.000
it just has like this inflection.

1946
01:40:56.840 --> 01:40:59.000
I can already tell that you're creative

1947
01:40:59.000 --> 01:41:01.200
and kind of a bohemian personality.

1948
01:41:01.200 --> 01:41:06.200
And that's very, very attractive to men who like vibes.

1949
01:41:06.960 --> 01:41:09.640
And so what we need to do is we need to make sure

1950
01:41:09.640 --> 01:41:13.600
that you are being very counterintuitive to yourself.

1951
01:41:13.600 --> 01:41:16.320
So if you would do it normally, don't do it right now.

1952
01:41:16.320 --> 01:41:18.080
So we can just weed out the guys

1953
01:41:18.080 --> 01:41:19.760
that are just here for the vibes.

1954
01:41:19.760 --> 01:41:21.120
Guys, that's why I hate dating apps

1955
01:41:21.120 --> 01:41:24.480
because you would be amazed at how many people

1956
01:41:24.520 --> 01:41:27.400
are on dating apps just for vibes.

1957
01:41:27.400 --> 01:41:28.480
Like how it makes you feel.

1958
01:41:28.480 --> 01:41:30.240
You know how you feel when you meet a new person

1959
01:41:30.240 --> 01:41:31.600
who's really exciting.

1960
01:41:31.600 --> 01:41:33.240
And then as soon as that burns out,

1961
01:41:33.240 --> 01:41:34.400
because it's going to,

1962
01:41:34.400 --> 01:41:37.160
then they're just off to the next person.

1963
01:41:37.160 --> 01:41:39.080
And sometimes they don't even meet the person in person.

1964
01:41:39.080 --> 01:41:41.360
You know how fun it is to kind of banter back and forth

1965
01:41:41.360 --> 01:41:44.560
and kind of fantasize about what this person's like,

1966
01:41:44.560 --> 01:41:46.640
or what's going to happen with this person.

1967
01:41:46.640 --> 01:41:47.640
You know, like, oh, you know,

1968
01:41:47.640 --> 01:41:49.480
they seem really intriguing, you know, and stuff.

1969
01:41:49.480 --> 01:41:51.560
And then you get into some boring conversation

1970
01:41:51.560 --> 01:41:53.120
or you have a FaceTime and then, you know,

1971
01:41:53.120 --> 01:41:55.480
the vibes end because you're like, yeah,

1972
01:41:55.480 --> 01:41:56.800
they had a stray nose hair

1973
01:41:56.800 --> 01:41:58.440
and now I'm not feeling the vibes anymore.

1974
01:41:58.440 --> 01:42:00.880
And so I'm off to the next person I want to vibe with.

1975
01:42:00.880 --> 01:42:03.960
Guys, this is how people live on these apps.

1976
01:42:03.960 --> 01:42:07.240
So get in person, get in person as fast as you can

1977
01:42:07.240 --> 01:42:09.080
so that we can get rid of the vibes.

1978
01:42:09.080 --> 01:42:10.400
Joanne, if you get in person,

1979
01:42:10.400 --> 01:42:15.280
absolutely no touchy, no feely for at least two months.

1980
01:42:15.280 --> 01:42:17.240
Well, I don't initiate the hugs.

1981
01:42:17.240 --> 01:42:18.520
I know you don't.

1982
01:42:18.520 --> 01:42:22.800
I know you're not, but you're attracting men who are vibers.

1983
01:42:23.480 --> 01:42:24.680
And so don't let them feed that.

1984
01:42:24.680 --> 01:42:25.840
Don't feed that for them.

1985
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:27.840
Just be like, hey, you know what?

1986
01:42:29.920 --> 01:42:32.520
Physical, physical touch.

1987
01:42:32.520 --> 01:42:35.080
You know, we're just, we're going to keep this platonic.

1988
01:42:35.080 --> 01:42:37.800
We'll save that for later after we get to know each other.

1989
01:42:37.800 --> 01:42:40.680
Trust me, this will weed these men out very fast.

1990
01:42:42.760 --> 01:42:45.280
And the ones that don't want to touch you,

1991
01:42:45.280 --> 01:42:47.160
the ones that aren't like dopamine hit

1992
01:42:47.160 --> 01:42:49.040
of like hugging and cuddling,

1993
01:42:49.040 --> 01:42:51.880
the other guys, they want to go deep emotionally.

1994
01:42:51.880 --> 01:42:53.800
They want to talk about, like you said,

1995
01:42:53.800 --> 01:42:54.880
how they want to be exclusive,

1996
01:42:54.880 --> 01:42:56.080
how they know you're the one,

1997
01:42:56.080 --> 01:42:58.960
how they think they're falling in love with you.

1998
01:42:58.960 --> 01:43:01.760
No, trust me.

1999
01:43:01.760 --> 01:43:03.440
That is not sustainable.

2000
01:43:04.600 --> 01:43:06.760
So just don't even entertain those guys.

2001
01:43:06.760 --> 01:43:08.520
Entertain more of the boring ones

2002
01:43:08.520 --> 01:43:11.560
that maybe there's no chemistry in the beginning

2003
01:43:11.560 --> 01:43:13.720
and just really get to know them.

2004
01:43:13.720 --> 01:43:15.000
I did.

2005
01:43:15.000 --> 01:43:17.760
The thing is, is that it's not that there's no chemistry.

2006
01:43:17.760 --> 01:43:18.720
Please, everyone listen.

2007
01:43:18.720 --> 01:43:21.200
This is such a good question that Joanne's asking.

2008
01:43:21.240 --> 01:43:23.160
It's not that there's no chemistry.

2009
01:43:23.160 --> 01:43:26.120
There's no familiar chemistry.

2010
01:43:26.120 --> 01:43:29.680
All of us have what we call familiar chemistry

2011
01:43:29.680 --> 01:43:31.600
and that's what we call chemistry.

2012
01:43:31.600 --> 01:43:32.920
There is chemistry.

2013
01:43:32.920 --> 01:43:36.480
It's just unfamiliar to us

2014
01:43:36.480 --> 01:43:38.600
and the way that we usually do things.

2015
01:43:38.600 --> 01:43:40.040
And if the way you usually do things

2016
01:43:40.040 --> 01:43:41.200
is not working out for you,

2017
01:43:41.200 --> 01:43:42.680
Joanne started this question with,

2018
01:43:42.680 --> 01:43:44.480
I've been engaged a few times

2019
01:43:44.480 --> 01:43:47.080
and it's never made it to the altar.

2020
01:43:47.080 --> 01:43:49.160
We want to cut that pattern off.

2021
01:43:50.120 --> 01:43:51.280
She doesn't want that anymore.

2022
01:43:51.280 --> 01:43:52.840
It's her time to have a love story

2023
01:43:52.840 --> 01:43:54.960
with someone who's stable and solid

2024
01:43:54.960 --> 01:43:57.120
that she's gonna have lots of chemistry with.

2025
01:43:57.120 --> 01:44:00.440
It just doesn't have to start out as familiar chemistry.

2026
01:44:01.680 --> 01:44:02.520
Cool?

2027
01:44:03.640 --> 01:44:06.480
So right now, look, this is gonna be the easiest coaching

2028
01:44:06.480 --> 01:44:09.800
that I can do by telling you just for a little while,

2029
01:44:09.800 --> 01:44:13.920
try doing the opposite of what Joanne would normally do.

2030
01:44:16.840 --> 01:44:18.520
So when they send you the message,

2031
01:44:18.880 --> 01:44:20.840
just sit and think for a second before you respond and say,

2032
01:44:20.840 --> 01:44:23.640
okay, how would I normally respond to this?

2033
01:44:23.640 --> 01:44:25.120
Okay, let me do the opposite.

2034
01:44:26.320 --> 01:44:27.680
And just see what happens.

2035
01:44:30.440 --> 01:44:31.800
I promise you this,

2036
01:44:31.800 --> 01:44:34.560
you're not going to miss out on your spirit mate

2037
01:44:34.560 --> 01:44:39.560
by trying to set a new precedent for connection

2038
01:44:42.280 --> 01:44:44.440
because these connections haven't been working out.

2039
01:44:44.440 --> 01:44:47.000
The good thing is when I was sick so long

2040
01:44:47.000 --> 01:44:48.640
and I tried to talk to guys,

2041
01:44:48.640 --> 01:44:50.920
I felt I was so boring and muted,

2042
01:44:50.920 --> 01:44:53.040
but he was still like, yeah, let's get together.

2043
01:44:53.040 --> 01:44:54.800
I'm like, wow, that was good.

2044
01:44:54.800 --> 01:44:55.640
That worked.

2045
01:44:56.600 --> 01:44:59.280
Yeah, you're not, yeah, you're, you, I mean,

2046
01:44:59.280 --> 01:45:00.120
I, you probably

2047
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.240
You probably felt boring and muted just because you are not a hundred percent, but trust me,

2048
01:45:05.240 --> 01:45:08.760
your 50% is a lot more attractive than some people's hundred percent.

2049
01:45:08.760 --> 01:45:10.760
So you got to be careful.

2050
01:45:10.760 --> 01:45:11.760
Okay.

2051
01:45:11.760 --> 01:45:12.760
Okay.

2052
01:45:12.760 --> 01:45:17.400
And I'm saying that as a woman to a woman, okay, I'm saying, I'm telling you, you're

2053
01:45:17.400 --> 01:45:20.240
carrying some woo.

2054
01:45:20.240 --> 01:45:23.280
And so you need to be sure that you use it correctly.

2055
01:45:23.280 --> 01:45:24.280
Okay.

2056
01:45:24.280 --> 01:45:25.280
Okay.

2057
01:45:25.280 --> 01:45:29.720
Because people will be falling for you fast and they probably will not be the right people.

2058
01:45:29.720 --> 01:45:34.160
And so dial down your woo a little bit and let's see what happens.

2059
01:45:34.160 --> 01:45:35.160
Okay.

2060
01:45:35.160 --> 01:45:36.160
Okay.

2061
01:45:36.160 --> 01:45:37.160
Thank you.

2062
01:45:37.160 --> 01:45:38.160
You're welcome.

2063
01:45:38.160 --> 01:45:39.160
Okay.

2064
01:45:39.160 --> 01:45:41.600
Um, you guys, I really want to get these last two people and we've got to go faster.

2065
01:45:41.600 --> 01:45:43.040
We're almost having two hours.

2066
01:45:43.040 --> 01:45:44.040
Okay.

2067
01:45:44.040 --> 01:45:45.040
Aubrey quick.

2068
01:45:45.040 --> 01:45:46.040
Hi Jackie.

2069
01:45:46.040 --> 01:45:47.040
Um, okay.

2070
01:45:47.040 --> 01:45:53.840
So my question is this, I have been in five exclusive relationships in my life, four of

2071
01:45:53.840 --> 01:45:56.120
which were long distance.

2072
01:45:56.120 --> 01:46:00.480
Um, historically it's not gone exceptionally well for me.

2073
01:46:00.480 --> 01:46:03.880
So several of them were when I was really young and they were international because

2074
01:46:03.880 --> 01:46:07.720
I traveled with, um, my dad was a pastor and things like that.

2075
01:46:07.720 --> 01:46:15.440
So, um, I have thought, well, it makes more sense to try to do local dating locally.

2076
01:46:15.440 --> 01:46:20.960
Um, but it kind of feels too, like even now I have this really awesome, he seems like

2077
01:46:20.960 --> 01:46:25.800
a really awesome guy and I met him on Bumble and we like matched four years ago on Bumble

2078
01:46:26.480 --> 01:46:27.480
Alaska.

2079
01:46:27.480 --> 01:46:30.280
Um, it's very long distance.

2080
01:46:30.280 --> 01:46:34.880
So do I just say like, no, absolutely not long distance has not worked for me because

2081
01:46:34.880 --> 01:46:38.320
I think that closes a lot of potential, I guess.

2082
01:46:38.320 --> 01:46:39.320
Um,

2083
01:46:39.320 --> 01:46:40.600
Well, let me ask you a question.

2084
01:46:40.600 --> 01:46:45.880
You know, um, sometimes people's patterns really are just, um, showing us what they're

2085
01:46:45.880 --> 01:46:46.880
afraid of.

2086
01:46:46.880 --> 01:46:47.880
Is it possible?

2087
01:46:47.880 --> 01:46:52.100
And I'm not saying that this is a conscious thing, but is it possible that you choose

2088
01:46:52.100 --> 01:46:59.460
to be in these very long distance relationships simply because you have a fear of proximity?

2089
01:46:59.460 --> 01:47:04.180
I don't, I mean, I suppose it's possible if that, if it is, it's not conscious at all.

2090
01:47:04.180 --> 01:47:10.660
Um, it's cause I, I feel like I want someone to, you know, when I dated a guy in person

2091
01:47:10.660 --> 01:47:13.700
one time, exclusive relationship in person, it's like a seven month relationship.

2092
01:47:13.700 --> 01:47:14.700
I was like, this is great.

2093
01:47:14.700 --> 01:47:20.740
Cause you get to hang out with me, come to my parents house, you know, we actually get

2094
01:47:20.740 --> 01:47:22.460
to do life together.

2095
01:47:22.460 --> 01:47:23.460
Okay.

2096
01:47:23.460 --> 01:47:35.100
So let me just say, um, let me just say something, um, uh, Alaska guy, you guys knew each other

2097
01:47:35.100 --> 01:47:37.240
before you've reconnected.

2098
01:47:37.240 --> 01:47:40.580
If you're really going to make, do you think that he wants to really see where this can

2099
01:47:40.580 --> 01:47:41.580
go?

2100
01:47:41.580 --> 01:47:42.580
I think so.

2101
01:47:42.580 --> 01:47:48.340
I mean, he reached out and we have some shared like values that are kind of niche.

2102
01:47:48.340 --> 01:47:52.340
Like I would say I'm kind of like Messianic basically, like I'm not Jewish, but I do a

2103
01:47:52.340 --> 01:47:56.340
lot of the Messianic values and it's very niche.

2104
01:47:56.340 --> 01:48:00.900
It's hard to find people that don't think you're a weirdo, honestly.

2105
01:48:00.900 --> 01:48:06.540
Um, so it's, but I feel like it's hard to build trust with distance and there's a ton

2106
01:48:06.540 --> 01:48:11.940
of time and investment that has to go into getting to know a person that is at a distance.

2107
01:48:11.940 --> 01:48:15.740
Like I've jumped on a lot of air, you know, this is okay.

2108
01:48:15.740 --> 01:48:16.740
Okay.

2109
01:48:16.740 --> 01:48:19.580
So this is kind of a, this is a, because this is a pattern, just like Joanne had a pattern.

2110
01:48:19.580 --> 01:48:22.380
I'm going to give you kind of a hard, fast rule.

2111
01:48:22.380 --> 01:48:23.380
Okay.

2112
01:48:23.380 --> 01:48:27.380
So Joanne is going to do what comes, she's going to do what is not intuitive for her.

2113
01:48:27.380 --> 01:48:30.980
So she's going to purposely try to be counterintuitive to her decisions.

2114
01:48:30.980 --> 01:48:36.600
What I want you to do is with Alaska or any other opportunities that come up with a long

2115
01:48:36.600 --> 01:48:41.460
distance person is, um, especially since you know, this guy from before, uh, you have to

2116
01:48:41.460 --> 01:48:46.660
set some really fast ground rules about, Hey, um, cause it's, I don't want you wasting

2117
01:48:46.660 --> 01:48:47.660
any more time.

2118
01:48:47.660 --> 01:48:48.660
Okay.

2119
01:48:48.660 --> 01:48:50.720
With relationships that are not going to turn into anything.

2120
01:48:50.720 --> 01:48:52.500
So you have to make a decision really quickly.

2121
01:48:52.500 --> 01:48:57.900
And I, this is the way I coach for long distance anyway, is that if, if you're really vibing

2122
01:48:57.900 --> 01:49:00.980
with someone and they really want to get to know you, then they need to put their money

2123
01:49:00.980 --> 01:49:01.980
where their mouth is.

2124
01:49:01.980 --> 01:49:03.660
There needs to be some quick visitations.

2125
01:49:03.660 --> 01:49:09.020
Um, even if they're international, you cannot get into a relationship with someone of any

2126
01:49:09.020 --> 01:49:12.460
kind where you're talking back and forth all the time.

2127
01:49:12.460 --> 01:49:17.580
You're spending a lot of energy and, you know, like just using up your margins and bandwidth

2128
01:49:17.580 --> 01:49:24.340
with someone, unless you can get together with them within the first six weeks of knowing

2129
01:49:24.340 --> 01:49:27.220
them eight weeks at the most, that would be two months.

2130
01:49:27.220 --> 01:49:28.220
Okay.

2131
01:49:28.220 --> 01:49:33.100
And so this guy from Alaska, if he's in it to win it, then he'll need to prove it, especially

2132
01:49:33.100 --> 01:49:35.820
since you guys have already connected in the past.

2133
01:49:35.820 --> 01:49:37.780
Like what is going to be like visiting?

2134
01:49:37.780 --> 01:49:38.780
I live in East Tennessee.

2135
01:49:39.540 --> 01:49:40.540
He's visiting in Nashville this week.

2136
01:49:40.540 --> 01:49:42.300
His sister is here.

2137
01:49:42.300 --> 01:49:48.060
So that's a fluke and that's great because he's already coming to see family.

2138
01:49:48.060 --> 01:49:54.060
But if this visitation goes well in person, before he leaves to go back to Alaska, the

2139
01:49:54.060 --> 01:49:56.260
next trip needs to be planned and booked.

2140
01:50:00.880 --> 01:50:03.240
Seriously, how old are you?

2141
01:50:03.240 --> 01:50:04.800
27.

2142
01:50:04.800 --> 01:50:07.960
Okay, you're young, it's true,

2143
01:50:07.960 --> 01:50:12.960
but you also have a history of doing this, right?

2144
01:50:12.960 --> 01:50:17.960
Okay, so if he really likes you when he comes and visits,

2145
01:50:19.200 --> 01:50:20.920
then he needs to,

2146
01:50:20.920 --> 01:50:23.360
you guys need to make the plan for the next one.

2147
01:50:23.360 --> 01:50:25.300
And you guys can share expenses and, you know,

2148
01:50:25.300 --> 01:50:27.640
his sister lives where you live, so she can put them up.

2149
01:50:27.640 --> 01:50:28.880
And so that makes it cheaper.

2150
01:50:28.880 --> 01:50:30.920
If you want to go to Alaska and visit,

2151
01:50:30.920 --> 01:50:34.120
because he's a known variable and it's safe to do so,

2152
01:50:34.120 --> 01:50:35.560
then he can buy half your ticket.

2153
01:50:35.560 --> 01:50:37.420
You guys need to have skin in the game.

2154
01:50:37.420 --> 01:50:39.640
But if you really do want to make this work with him

2155
01:50:39.640 --> 01:50:41.240
and you think it is something,

2156
01:50:41.240 --> 01:50:43.880
then you need to plan it immediately.

2157
01:50:45.360 --> 01:50:46.520
Don't just leave it to,

2158
01:50:46.520 --> 01:50:49.360
oh, hey, okay, well, can't wait to see you again.

2159
01:50:49.360 --> 01:50:50.760
Okay, yeah, let's talk next week.

2160
01:50:50.760 --> 01:50:51.600
No.

2161
01:50:53.440 --> 01:50:54.280
No.

2162
01:50:54.280 --> 01:50:55.440
Okay.

2163
01:50:55.440 --> 01:50:57.080
All right, Aubrey, you can do this.

2164
01:50:57.080 --> 01:50:59.200
Otherwise, and at the same time,

2165
01:51:01.280 --> 01:51:03.400
and definitely don't get into anything exclusive

2166
01:51:03.400 --> 01:51:04.480
with someone long distance,

2167
01:51:04.480 --> 01:51:07.960
unless they're really, really committed to-

2168
01:51:07.960 --> 01:51:09.800
Well, this is what happened this last time.

2169
01:51:09.800 --> 01:51:12.080
There was a guy and he saw me on Instagram

2170
01:51:12.080 --> 01:51:13.560
and he's like, I need to be,

2171
01:51:13.560 --> 01:51:15.200
like, he came from Boston

2172
01:51:15.200 --> 01:51:18.480
and then, like, I just folded under the pressure.

2173
01:51:18.480 --> 01:51:19.920
He's like, I want to be exclusive.

2174
01:51:19.920 --> 01:51:21.240
And I was talking to other people

2175
01:51:21.240 --> 01:51:23.400
because I was in phase two and I was dating.

2176
01:51:23.400 --> 01:51:24.880
And like six months of my life,

2177
01:51:24.960 --> 01:51:27.360
I am gone with this guy.

2178
01:51:27.360 --> 01:51:29.760
Did you even ever see him again?

2179
01:51:29.760 --> 01:51:30.600
I did.

2180
01:51:30.600 --> 01:51:31.440
He booked a ticket.

2181
01:51:31.440 --> 01:51:33.640
He was like, yeah, I saw him every month

2182
01:51:33.640 --> 01:51:35.840
for that six months that we were dating.

2183
01:51:35.840 --> 01:51:38.000
And why did you break up?

2184
01:51:38.000 --> 01:51:39.280
He was kind of a jerk.

2185
01:51:42.960 --> 01:51:44.600
And it was like, I was like winning.

2186
01:51:44.600 --> 01:51:45.880
Like, I have so much pressure.

2187
01:51:45.880 --> 01:51:48.760
Like, I'm like about to cry on our first visit.

2188
01:51:48.760 --> 01:51:49.800
He's like heartbroken,

2189
01:51:49.800 --> 01:51:52.240
can't fathom why I'm talking to more than him.

2190
01:51:52.240 --> 01:51:54.320
I'm like, I've never even met you in my whole life.

2191
01:51:54.320 --> 01:51:55.840
I don't know who you are.

2192
01:51:55.840 --> 01:51:59.440
Okay, you guys, Aubrey is 27.

2193
01:51:59.440 --> 01:52:01.520
That's one year younger than my middle daughter,

2194
01:52:01.520 --> 01:52:03.680
who's been married for four years.

2195
01:52:03.680 --> 01:52:06.080
But I will tell you that,

2196
01:52:06.080 --> 01:52:07.520
this is making me laugh a little bit,

2197
01:52:07.520 --> 01:52:10.160
but from now on, you guys, all of you, listen,

2198
01:52:10.160 --> 01:52:12.080
and you guys that are old enough to know better

2199
01:52:12.080 --> 01:52:13.600
have also done this.

2200
01:52:13.600 --> 01:52:16.000
Know exclusivity with strangers.

2201
01:52:16.000 --> 01:52:18.720
You don't become exclusive with people that you don't know.

2202
01:52:18.720 --> 01:52:20.320
Let them earn exclusivity.

2203
01:52:20.320 --> 01:52:22.240
Gentlemen, that goes for you as well.

2204
01:52:22.240 --> 01:52:24.680
If a woman's trying to pressure you into exclusivity

2205
01:52:24.680 --> 01:52:26.840
and you have not known her very long,

2206
01:52:26.840 --> 01:52:28.440
don't feel pressured.

2207
01:52:28.440 --> 01:52:30.800
You don't have to ask her to be your girlfriend.

2208
01:52:30.800 --> 01:52:32.840
You don't have to feel pressured into that

2209
01:52:32.840 --> 01:52:36.800
until you really know that you wanna be exclusive with her.

2210
01:52:36.800 --> 01:52:39.400
Okay, and so that definitely not should be,

2211
01:52:39.400 --> 01:52:41.280
should not be something that's happening

2212
01:52:41.280 --> 01:52:43.280
within the first couple conversations.

2213
01:52:43.280 --> 01:52:44.480
Definitely no.

2214
01:52:44.480 --> 01:52:46.960
Okay, so Aubrey, no, if you need to set,

2215
01:52:46.960 --> 01:52:47.960
listen, you guys, it's okay

2216
01:52:47.960 --> 01:52:50.440
to give yourself boundaries and rules.

2217
01:52:50.440 --> 01:52:52.440
So if you know that you have a weakness

2218
01:52:52.440 --> 01:52:54.600
or a shortcoming somewhere where you rush things

2219
01:52:54.600 --> 01:52:57.960
or you get all tangled up in familiar things

2220
01:52:57.960 --> 01:53:00.520
or different things, set rules and boundaries for yourself.

2221
01:53:00.520 --> 01:53:03.240
Like Aubrey, for instance, can say no exclusivity

2222
01:53:03.240 --> 01:53:04.880
until this amount of dates

2223
01:53:04.880 --> 01:53:06.680
or this amount of months of talking.

2224
01:53:09.040 --> 01:53:13.560
I always say that you shouldn't be exclusive any,

2225
01:53:13.560 --> 01:53:16.320
it shouldn't take you any longer

2226
01:53:16.320 --> 01:53:19.360
than four to six months to become exclusive,

2227
01:53:19.400 --> 01:53:22.720
but you shouldn't be exclusive any shorter

2228
01:53:22.720 --> 01:53:24.240
than three months.

2229
01:53:24.240 --> 01:53:26.040
Like you need to really get to know someone

2230
01:53:26.040 --> 01:53:28.800
before you let them walk you down out of the dating pool.

2231
01:53:28.800 --> 01:53:30.160
Okay?

2232
01:53:30.160 --> 01:53:32.000
Now, of course, there are some things that rush that.

2233
01:53:32.000 --> 01:53:33.360
If you start getting physical

2234
01:53:33.360 --> 01:53:35.440
and physically intimate with someone,

2235
01:53:35.440 --> 01:53:37.440
and I don't mean sex, I mean all the other stuff,

2236
01:53:37.440 --> 01:53:38.880
making out and all that,

2237
01:53:38.880 --> 01:53:40.400
you're pretty much exclusive with them

2238
01:53:40.400 --> 01:53:42.080
whether you like it or not.

2239
01:53:42.080 --> 01:53:44.480
Cause you're not gonna just be making out with everybody.

2240
01:53:44.480 --> 01:53:46.160
And if you are that kind of person,

2241
01:53:46.160 --> 01:53:48.640
then I would like to talk to you

2242
01:53:48.640 --> 01:53:51.160
about your car's extended warranty.

2243
01:53:51.160 --> 01:53:52.080
Okay?

2244
01:53:52.080 --> 01:53:52.920
All right.

2245
01:53:52.920 --> 01:53:54.320
Aubrey's not that kind of girl.

2246
01:53:54.320 --> 01:53:57.120
Okay, so Aubrey, Alaska guys coming to visit,

2247
01:53:57.120 --> 01:53:58.480
keep us posted.

2248
01:53:58.480 --> 01:53:59.640
And if it's real good,

2249
01:53:59.640 --> 01:54:02.840
you guys both feel like there's something really in it,

2250
01:54:02.840 --> 01:54:06.520
then let's make plans for the next get together,

2251
01:54:06.520 --> 01:54:08.240
but no exclusivity.

2252
01:54:09.440 --> 01:54:10.960
Awesome, thank you.

2253
01:54:10.960 --> 01:54:11.800
Okay.

2254
01:54:11.800 --> 01:54:13.440
Susan, last but not least,

2255
01:54:13.440 --> 01:54:15.040
it's gotta be real fast, honey bun,

2256
01:54:15.040 --> 01:54:17.160
cause my husband's here to shut down the computers

2257
01:54:17.160 --> 01:54:18.800
and make me go home.

2258
01:54:18.800 --> 01:54:20.560
Cause I have a whole half hour over.

2259
01:54:20.560 --> 01:54:22.600
All right, I will try to get to the point.

2260
01:54:22.600 --> 01:54:24.160
All right, I guess briefly,

2261
01:54:25.440 --> 01:54:28.320
blind date, met a guy a little over a year ago.

2262
01:54:28.320 --> 01:54:32.880
Anyway, he wanted me to come to Northern Michigan,

2263
01:54:32.880 --> 01:54:35.600
check out his house, see if I liked the town,

2264
01:54:35.600 --> 01:54:38.840
blah, blah, blah, continue this relationship.

2265
01:54:38.840 --> 01:54:42.200
And I just wanted to fringe

2266
01:54:42.240 --> 01:54:44.880
at the thought of moving to Northern Michigan.

2267
01:54:46.000 --> 01:54:49.800
And I'm thinking, how shallow are you, Susan?

2268
01:54:49.800 --> 01:54:52.840
And then he sent me pictures of his home

2269
01:54:52.840 --> 01:54:54.760
and I just thought,

2270
01:54:57.800 --> 01:54:59.760
I can't live in that house.

2271
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.460
Why do you have to move to Michigan?

2272
01:55:01.460 --> 01:55:02.320
Do you like this guy?

2273
01:55:04.920 --> 01:55:06.840
Well, no, I called it off.

2274
01:55:06.840 --> 01:55:08.560
But I guess my question really is.

2275
01:55:08.560 --> 01:55:09.480
Let me ask you a question.

2276
01:55:09.480 --> 01:55:10.320
Forget about Michigan.

2277
01:55:10.320 --> 01:55:11.240
Forget about his house.

2278
01:55:11.240 --> 01:55:12.640
Did you like him?

2279
01:55:12.640 --> 01:55:14.440
How often did you see him?

2280
01:55:14.440 --> 01:55:23.040
Well, we went on to Farmer's Market in Scottsdale.

2281
01:55:23.040 --> 01:55:24.880
And then we went out to dinner that night.

2282
01:55:24.880 --> 01:55:27.280
And then he was back, because we met in Phoenix.

2283
01:55:27.280 --> 01:55:29.000
And then he went back to Michigan.

2284
01:55:29.040 --> 01:55:30.240
And we talked over the phone.

2285
01:55:30.240 --> 01:55:32.320
You guys had a little whirlwind weekend together.

2286
01:55:32.320 --> 01:55:34.800
So, well, I mean, it wasn't even 24 hours.

2287
01:55:34.800 --> 01:55:37.240
And he was lovely.

2288
01:55:37.240 --> 01:55:37.960
And I liked him.

2289
01:55:37.960 --> 01:55:39.960
And I wanted to get to know him.

2290
01:55:39.960 --> 01:55:40.560
OK.

2291
01:55:40.560 --> 01:55:43.000
And then he's like, Tom.

2292
01:55:43.000 --> 01:55:44.840
Why did you call it off, too?

2293
01:55:44.840 --> 01:55:46.680
I mean, he's not trying to get you to move

2294
01:55:46.680 --> 01:55:49.200
into his house in Michigan.

2295
01:55:49.200 --> 01:55:52.280
Well, yeah, he kind of was like, this is pretty exciting.

2296
01:55:52.280 --> 01:55:53.840
He was really thrilled about it.

2297
01:55:53.840 --> 01:55:55.880
And then he said, I'm going to send you a ticket.

2298
01:55:55.880 --> 01:55:56.840
And you come out.

2299
01:55:56.840 --> 01:55:58.960
And I was agreeable to it.

2300
01:55:58.960 --> 01:56:01.520
No, no, he was sending you a ticket to come visit him,

2301
01:56:01.520 --> 01:56:03.200
not go live in Michigan, right?

2302
01:56:03.200 --> 01:56:04.760
OK, you guys, just so you know, Susan

2303
01:56:04.760 --> 01:56:06.560
I've known for like six years.

2304
01:56:06.560 --> 01:56:09.560
So I'm just going to talk to Susan like I'm her girlfriend.

2305
01:56:09.560 --> 01:56:14.760
OK, so why, Susan, why did you call it off?

2306
01:56:14.760 --> 01:56:16.320
Why are you forecasting that you'd

2307
01:56:16.320 --> 01:56:19.280
have to live in his shabby house in Michigan?

2308
01:56:19.280 --> 01:56:21.080
Because that's what he was offering.

2309
01:56:21.080 --> 01:56:25.840
And then I said, yes, I'll come and visit for a week.

2310
01:56:25.840 --> 01:56:27.480
And then he pulled the plug on me.

2311
01:56:27.480 --> 01:56:30.560
He freaked out and canceled it.

2312
01:56:30.560 --> 01:56:32.320
He says, I'm not ready for this.

2313
01:56:32.320 --> 01:56:33.480
I'm like, what?

2314
01:56:33.480 --> 01:56:36.040
What are you talking about?

2315
01:56:36.040 --> 01:56:38.360
He was offering for you to come and live with him?

2316
01:56:38.360 --> 01:56:42.200
No, just come and visit, see if I like the town,

2317
01:56:42.200 --> 01:56:44.840
and if I would be willing to move there,

2318
01:56:44.840 --> 01:56:47.480
because he wasn't moving.

2319
01:56:47.480 --> 01:56:50.160
And at that point, I was agreeable.

2320
01:56:50.160 --> 01:56:52.400
OK, I'll check it out.

2321
01:56:52.400 --> 01:56:54.520
Then he pulls the plug.

2322
01:56:54.520 --> 01:56:59.280
And then he calls me eight months later.

2323
01:56:59.280 --> 01:57:01.760
You saw what you needed to see eight months ago.

2324
01:57:01.760 --> 01:57:04.800
OK, so eight months later is now?

2325
01:57:04.800 --> 01:57:06.520
Well, he called me a couple of months ago

2326
01:57:06.520 --> 01:57:08.480
and wanted to resume conversation.

2327
01:57:08.480 --> 01:57:11.160
And I said, and he said, can I call you again?

2328
01:57:11.160 --> 01:57:13.080
After we had a great conversation on the phone,

2329
01:57:13.080 --> 01:57:13.880
I was like, great.

2330
01:57:13.880 --> 01:57:15.800
And I said, well, no, you can't call me again,

2331
01:57:15.800 --> 01:57:18.800
because I'm not moving.

2332
01:57:18.800 --> 01:57:21.520
And you're not moving to the West.

2333
01:57:22.480 --> 01:57:24.720
And what did he say?

2334
01:57:24.720 --> 01:57:27.160
Well, he said, I won't say goodbye.

2335
01:57:27.160 --> 01:57:30.080
I'll just say I'll talk to you later,

2336
01:57:30.080 --> 01:57:31.840
because he didn't want to end it.

2337
01:57:31.840 --> 01:57:35.480
And I'm like, well, I'm not calling you.

2338
01:57:35.480 --> 01:57:36.640
How old is this guy?

2339
01:57:36.640 --> 01:57:38.480
Say we're the same age.

2340
01:57:38.480 --> 01:57:39.720
OK, he's in his 60s.

2341
01:57:39.720 --> 01:57:43.360
And is he divorced?

2342
01:57:43.360 --> 01:57:48.760
Yeah, he divorced his wife a long time ago.

2343
01:57:48.760 --> 01:57:50.720
How long has he been single?

2344
01:57:50.720 --> 01:57:54.120
Well, he had just gotten out of some kind of a business

2345
01:57:54.120 --> 01:57:55.560
relationship with a woman.

2346
01:57:55.560 --> 01:57:57.480
And I don't know all the details to that.

2347
01:57:57.480 --> 01:57:58.840
I'm like, really, dude?

2348
01:58:01.480 --> 01:58:03.520
Let me ask you a question.

2349
01:58:03.520 --> 01:58:05.840
Was this guy's first name Peter and his last name Pan?

2350
01:58:10.440 --> 01:58:12.240
You know, right now, I can't remember what his name was.

2351
01:58:12.240 --> 01:58:13.720
Oh, yeah, now I remember his name.

2352
01:58:13.720 --> 01:58:14.520
All right.

2353
01:58:14.520 --> 01:58:16.880
But my point, OK.

2354
01:58:16.880 --> 01:58:20.680
So when I saw his house, and I thought, are you kidding me?

2355
01:58:21.680 --> 01:58:24.200
I mean, I sold my house in Indianapolis.

2356
01:58:24.200 --> 01:58:26.720
And no, it wasn't a million dollar home.

2357
01:58:26.720 --> 01:58:29.440
But I had a really nice home.

2358
01:58:29.440 --> 01:58:33.200
Little old me, single woman, doing it all by herself.

2359
01:58:33.200 --> 01:58:36.560
And I'm just not interested.

2360
01:58:36.560 --> 01:58:39.080
For the sake of time, what I think you're really asking

2361
01:58:39.080 --> 01:58:41.800
is that regardless of whether or not this guy invited you,

2362
01:58:41.800 --> 01:58:43.440
regardless of whether he pulled the plug,

2363
01:58:43.440 --> 01:58:46.960
regardless of whether he's not interested in a long-term

2364
01:58:46.960 --> 01:58:50.120
relationship that causes him to have to make sacrifices

2365
01:58:50.120 --> 01:58:52.680
and compromise, I think the bigger question is

2366
01:58:52.680 --> 01:58:55.400
is that you're scared in the future

2367
01:58:55.400 --> 01:58:58.440
that you're going to be too picky about someone's

2368
01:58:58.440 --> 01:59:03.600
circumstances in order to really let someone choose you.

2369
01:59:03.600 --> 01:59:06.000
And I think that's very possible.

2370
01:59:06.000 --> 01:59:09.200
But also, I think that there are non-negotiables

2371
01:59:09.200 --> 01:59:10.000
that are important.

2372
01:59:10.000 --> 01:59:11.120
You guys, I know Susan.

2373
01:59:11.120 --> 01:59:11.800
You guys don't.

2374
01:59:11.800 --> 01:59:12.600
But I know her.

2375
01:59:12.600 --> 01:59:15.920
And she is a very sophisticated lady, OK?

2376
01:59:15.920 --> 01:59:16.880
She's beautiful.

2377
01:59:16.880 --> 01:59:20.600
But she's also super classy, super classic.

2378
01:59:20.600 --> 01:59:22.520
And she's an artist.

2379
01:59:22.520 --> 01:59:23.400
She's an actress.

2380
01:59:23.400 --> 01:59:27.920
But she's also very artsy, very aesthetically sensitive.

2381
01:59:27.920 --> 01:59:33.240
And so I don't think that we need to be with people,

2382
01:59:33.240 --> 01:59:35.480
especially at this stage of life.

2383
01:59:35.480 --> 01:59:37.640
Friends, for those of you that have been single

2384
01:59:37.640 --> 01:59:40.200
for a really long time, Susan raised all of her daughters

2385
01:59:40.200 --> 01:59:40.720
herself.

2386
01:59:40.720 --> 01:59:43.400
She's been single, divorced for a really, really long time.

2387
01:59:43.440 --> 01:59:48.600
She's not going to cash in her independence

2388
01:59:48.600 --> 01:59:50.680
and her single card and all the things

2389
01:59:50.680 --> 01:59:53.240
that she loves, like being surrounded by beauty,

2390
01:59:53.240 --> 01:59:55.960
just to be with some schlep so that she

2391
01:59:55.960 --> 01:59:57.840
can say she's got a man.

2392
01:59:57.840 --> 01:59:59.000
She's not going to do that.

2393
01:59:59.000 --> 01:59:59.760
And you know what?

2394
01:59:59.760 --> 02:00:01.320
She doesn't.

2395
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.480
have to do that. And God doesn't want her to do that. So hopefully this asks, this answers

2396
02:00:04.480 --> 02:00:09.120
the question that you're not asking. Okay. Cause I feel like you're answering, you're

2397
02:00:09.120 --> 02:00:14.400
asking a question. You're, you're, you're asking an unspoken question. I think that

2398
02:00:14.400 --> 02:00:21.680
beauty is important to you guys. If we're with someone, you know, men, there are men

2399
02:00:21.680 --> 02:00:25.280
that keep really nice houses. Like my husband, when I met him, he had a really nice house.

2400
02:00:25.280 --> 02:00:31.760
It was decorated far more fashionably than mine. So there are men like that, but at the

2401
02:00:31.760 --> 02:00:36.240
same time, the man that Susan ends up with does not have to have her gifts and talents

2402
02:00:36.240 --> 02:00:43.200
as far as environments and aesthetics, but he has to be willing to allow her to have

2403
02:00:43.200 --> 02:00:49.520
what she needs around her. That's important. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for that.

2404
02:00:49.520 --> 02:00:56.800
Thank you. And you guys don't, don't these lonely bachelors out here that have no intention

2405
02:00:56.800 --> 02:01:00.160
of making commitments. He was in a business relationship with a woman that he got out

2406
02:01:00.160 --> 02:01:08.000
of for me, that's code for, you know, he doesn't want to commit. Okay. And so I just want to let

2407
02:01:08.000 --> 02:01:12.320
you guys know that for those of you that are marriage minded, please do not get yourself

2408
02:01:12.320 --> 02:01:17.040
entangled with other people, gentlemen, you as well that don't get entangled with women

2409
02:01:17.040 --> 02:01:24.480
that are not that the end goal is not. Um, commitment partnership covenant. Okay.

2410
02:01:25.120 --> 02:01:29.120
All right, friends, this has been love seats and ask Jackie. Thanks so much for joining us.

2411
02:01:29.120 --> 02:01:33.440
It's available on replay ladies in phase two, it will be in your replays as well.

2412
02:01:33.440 --> 02:01:34.400
And we'll see you soon. Bye.