WEBVTT

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Well, good.

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Well, welcome, welcome, welcome to Phase 2, Kathleen.

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Anybody else, this is your first time in Phase 2.

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I want to welcome you.

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I'm excited and thankful that I get to welcome you to Phase 2.

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I always say, so I'm Ebony.

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I usually coach at 8 PM.

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That's why Gail is confused.

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But there are these times where I get the little joy

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of coming to 12 o'clock.

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I am a third grade teacher.

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I teach English reading, English reading, language arts.

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I live in Austin, Texas.

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I was in this program.

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I started LYS back probably about four years ago now.

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So it is a life-changing program.

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It has changed my life.

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It's made me a different woman, and especially Phase 2.

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It's my favorite phase of them all

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because dating changed my life.

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This program, all of Jackie's teachings,

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when the seeds begin to burst forth,

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when they begin to produce the fruit,

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I can look in the mirror and say,

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what a powerhouse of a woman I've

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become because of what I've invested in myself,

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what I've invested through this program in myself,

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applying it to my life, and what I've

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allowed the Lord to do in my life

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through this program and this journey of faith

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for kingdom marriage.

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And so welcome to the tribe.

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We are excited for you.

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We are believing in heaven for your marriage,

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and that's every woman on here.

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We are very intentional about believing

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heaven for your marriage.

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And we believe that he writes the best love story

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because we have a history to prove it.

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And so we have no doubt in our hearts.

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So we contend with surety.

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So you rest while we contend with surety on your behalf.

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Even when you don't believe, you have

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a people group who knows what he can do,

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and we stand in the gap.

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And we hold up till you come into that place of kingdom

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marriage.

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OK.

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So just a couple of announcements.

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Carla says hello to you all.

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Let's see.

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We want to encourage you ladies that as you come into phase 2,

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spend about for three to four months, begin praying.

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And then request your transition.

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When you're ready to transition to phase two, it's three.

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It's nothing to be afraid of.

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Even ladies who go to phase three,

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they can drop in on phase two anytime they want.

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If you want to do that, you want to post something to us,

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you want to come in on one of the coaching sessions,

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you can do that.

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But after you've been in phase two for about three to four

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months, you've watched the videos,

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even if it's one to two months, you've watched the videos,

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you've been processing, you're showing up at coaching.

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Coaching is not just if you're dating.

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It's for you.

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And so though we may have a lot of dating questions,

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that doesn't mean that there's no space.

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We hold space for you and what's happening in your life.

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Because all of the tools, all of the things you're learning,

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they come over into every other area of your life.

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And then once you're ready, you just go up to the resources.

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Oh, thanks, Gail.

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What are you confused?

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OK, I'll read it.

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Let me see.

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You just go up to the thing.

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It says I want to go to phase three.

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Send them an email.

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And it happens, don't forget, we offer one on one coachings.

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There is a fee.

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But this is you have some things that cannot be unpacked

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over coaching.

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Yes, this meeting is coaching.

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This is group coaching.

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One on one coaching is a private session between you

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and a coach of your choosing.

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Yeah, and you book those.

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So all right.

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Today we're going to talk about something that's exciting.

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It is.

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So what we'll do is when you come into a session,

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this is for the newcomers.

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This is your first time here.

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We will talk about one of the teachings from the videos

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that you watch.

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You don't have to have watched the video before you came.

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There is no map.

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We rotate the teachings, like one teaching

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after the other teaching.

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And each time we come from a different perspective

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or we keep nailing in on that same perspective.

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I will say this, and this will be helpful for you

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and for all of you ladies, because it's something

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that I didn't catch on for a long time.

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I used to get so confused with, well, you

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say it's a yes until it's a no.

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I shouldn't stop, baby.

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I should, should I be dating?

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Should I wait?

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Should I do the hard work?

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Should I wait?

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Should I, this is all this confusion.

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What should I do?

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What should I do?

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I should keep going.

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I should keep going.

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I should keep pushing ahead.

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I keep pushing ahead.

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When I try to take a break, they say keep going.

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And it's this, it just takes, I want

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you to know when you're walking with God by faith,

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it takes a rhythm of getting, it takes a time or the journey

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to catch the rhythm and to let these things sit in

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on the inside of you and produce.

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So don't become frustrated with the journey.

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It's going to all take its course in your life.

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It's going to all produce.

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And so what seems so confusing now,

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it won't always be that way.

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I do want to say that.

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And so you don't have to have watched the teachings.

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We're just going to touch on it for about 20 minutes.

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And then after that, we're going to open up the floor

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and do some coaching.

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whatever we have going on and most of the time I tell ladies all the time we

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are not very much that different at all. We all kind of struggle and battle with

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some of the same things and so what I said was today we're going to talk about

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online dating and how we partner with God in this process. This is something I

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think it needs to be said that it's probably not always said. Dating is a

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skill. Dating is a skill. It is a skill that is used in this program to build

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your capacity to to come in and iron out the things that are hindering you and

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it's to sharpen you and shape you and create capacity within you to get rid of

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those things that are truly hindering you that live in you not in somebody

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else. It kind of helps to iron out the mentality that a man's gonna come and

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save you from your debt and when you get a husband you don't have to work anymore

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and everything's gonna be great and it doesn't matter if you don't know how to

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communicate as long as he's saving he loves God everything's gonna work out.

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Dating helps iron out all those wrong those ways of thinking that are not

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helpful for you. Dating helps to develop you and so a lot of the reason why I

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want to lead with it is because a lot of times we believe why do I have to date?

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God didn't tell me I need to do that and you somehow in your mind believe that

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there's gonna be an Amazon package that comes to your door that says husband but

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I guarantee you if that was a real thing you wouldn't be in this program. But

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sometimes the resistance with us is so real we want to hold on to that idea and

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we don't want why should I have to? God is powerful enough God is big enough but

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why hadn't that powerful big enough God done that yet? Not because he can't not

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because you can't believe for it but what if there's some things in you that

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need to be dealt with so heaven's best can be delivered to your doorstep so

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that heaven's best can align things where you bump into your spouse

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supernaturally because we do believe in supernatural we don't believe in dating

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for a husband we believe dating for skill to help sharpen and skill you and

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get those things out of you that needs to be removed because I am telling you

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dating touches on you like nothing else will. It causes you to become more

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vulnerable to put your walls up because something is getting close to your heart

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you have the it's the potential that you will be rejected and we crumble

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sometimes out of the thought of rejection and so it gives you an

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opportunity to practice grace it gives you an opportunity to see a person as

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they are and accept them from who they are because in marriage you have to see

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your husband for who he is and accept him where he is because nothing's gonna

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change about that but most importantly to accept you for where you are and who

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you are and put a fire in you to want to become the best version of yourself

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because you understand that you will attract at the level in which you are

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and if something comes your way that's not at your level you know how to send

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it packing because you come to the place where you understand your worth and your

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value and dating will help you navigate to the place of your value and worth are

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y'all tracking with me are we all together in dating is determined when I

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started dating I dated I'm telling you some pretty low suitors they weren't

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suitors at all but I dated them I spent time with them I had a scarcity mindset

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I thought what good thing will come to me I battled with my identity I didn't

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think I was worthy of love and worthy of goodness sure I could talk a good talk

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with my friends or with people around me but when it came to my choices that I

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made in my life I kind of chose the trashy food I ate like the trashy man I

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pick there's something about your identity when you get an upgrade you

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start saying I'm gonna give myself the very best because I'm worth it so you

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don't show up dating helps you to stop showing up to a table with a man to have

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coffee and tell him your whole life in one sitting because you have yet to

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discover that you carry pearls and you don't spill them before swine and your

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answer is reason for why you do it no longer because well I'm just a deep

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person that's not deep that's lack of wisdom right you begin to believe that I

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have something that's treasurable and I'm a hold it out for those who are

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deserving of what I carry and all of this is produced in dating the simple

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act of dating and applying and submitting yourself

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to the boundaries that the program suggests as guardrails.

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That's why I'm excited about dating today.

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And so I hope that that did not bore you

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and that we're all together,

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but I want to replant dating in your heart.

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So if you thought dating to be something else

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or all the things we believe it to be,

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and especially online dating and how challenging it can be,

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I want you to understand that dating is a skill

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that will give you capacity and equip you

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for what heaven has for you.

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And because heaven is only going to give you the best,

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he has a requirement of you that you become that.

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If heaven is only going to give you the best,

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then there's a requirement of you to become the best

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in every area of your life

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because he's only giving out the best.

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Are we all together on that?

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Yeah? Good, good, good.

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So what's the first part?

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It's the posture of the heart.

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So if your heart is postured there,

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every time you swipe a picture on the app,

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if you were doing online dating,

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is he the one?

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I don't want no husband like that.

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Oh no, he couldn't be my husband.

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He don't speak in tongues.

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Oh no, where he work at?

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There's not enough money for me.

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Oh, what is he doing on his picture?

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Playing with a dog?

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Oh, I don't like dogs.

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Your posture is you're looking for a husband.

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That's not dating.

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Dating is not the posture.

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Is he the one?

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Every time you look at a man,

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is he the one?

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Is he the one?

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Is he the one?

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What happens when you do that?

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If you give him an opportunity,

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you put expectations upon a stranger.

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You put expectations that when he shows up as himself,

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you reject him

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because you don't have space for him to be himself.

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You only have space for him to be the man.

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Is he the one?

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So you strip out the process of watching somebody grow.

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You strip out the process of seeing what do they work with?

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Do they have a teachable heart?

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Are they kind?

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Are they honorable?

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If you go into looking, is he the one?

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Does he minister?

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Does he do the same type of ministry I do?

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Because God wants me to have this

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and God wants me to have that

254
00:12:12.640 --> 00:12:14.320
and I'm supposed to have this and I'm supposed to...

255
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Like all of these expectations

256
00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:21.120
and you don't understand that the father in heaven

257
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is the greatest matchmaker of them all.

258
00:12:23.760 --> 00:12:26.400
And he matches people together who has hands

259
00:12:26.400 --> 00:12:28.160
that are willing to cultivate

260
00:12:28.160 --> 00:12:30.800
the uncultivated places in a person

261
00:12:30.800 --> 00:12:33.280
because marriage truly does make you more holy

262
00:12:33.280 --> 00:12:34.480
than it makes you happy.

263
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And that he's gonna put two people together

264
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that iron with sharp and iron.

265
00:12:40.640 --> 00:12:43.120
You're gonna miss all of that

266
00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:45.520
when you swipe on an online profile,

267
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is he the one?

268
00:12:46.560 --> 00:12:47.920
Or when you start talking to him,

269
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you look for ways to discount him.

270
00:12:50.160 --> 00:12:51.200
I don't like that he said,

271
00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:53.440
hey beautiful, I just can't deal with it.

272
00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:55.200
Well, are you beautiful or not?

273
00:12:58.400 --> 00:12:59.360
It's a real question.

274
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I want you to think about it in your heart

275
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because most of the times

276
00:13:02.400 --> 00:13:04.400
we don't believe that we're beautiful.

277
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And so if a man says, hey beautiful,

278
00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:07.920
we think he's being disrespectful.

279
00:13:07.920 --> 00:13:10.480
He sees a beautiful woman.

280
00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:12.000
He's not lying to you.

281
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:13.840
He's not trying to get sex from you.

282
00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:15.360
All he said was, hey beautiful.

283
00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:18.080
And if he does ask for sex,

284
00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:20.080
and if he does ask for sex,

285
00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:21.680
beautiful woman you are can say,

286
00:13:21.680 --> 00:13:23.040
I don't get down like that.

287
00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:25.360
Are you tracking with me?

288
00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:26.160
Are we all together?

289
00:13:26.160 --> 00:13:29.120
And so it is a matter of the posture of the heart.

290
00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:30.800
You are not dating the skill

291
00:13:30.800 --> 00:13:32.240
that we're developing in you.

292
00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:33.280
We know what it's for.

293
00:13:33.280 --> 00:13:34.800
It's for capacity.

294
00:13:34.800 --> 00:13:36.880
It's for you to work out those things in you

295
00:13:36.880 --> 00:13:37.920
that need to be worked out.

296
00:13:37.920 --> 00:13:39.040
Those things that speak to you

297
00:13:39.040 --> 00:13:40.800
and say that you're not worthy.

298
00:13:40.800 --> 00:13:42.480
Those things that speak to you that says,

299
00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:43.840
you better grab what you can

300
00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:45.760
because who knows what's coming along.

301
00:13:45.760 --> 00:13:47.680
By default, ladies,

302
00:13:47.680 --> 00:13:49.360
if you are in a desert,

303
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:52.640
a dry place for many, many years,

304
00:13:52.640 --> 00:13:54.720
it's hard for you to believe

305
00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:56.800
that something is coming along

306
00:13:56.800 --> 00:13:57.840
to quench your thirst.

307
00:13:59.840 --> 00:14:02.880
By default, we fall into a scarcity mindset.

308
00:14:02.880 --> 00:14:05.360
And when you date in this program,

309
00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:06.880
we start to work it out.

310
00:14:06.880 --> 00:14:08.000
We give you principles

311
00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:10.400
that work out the scarcity mindset

312
00:14:10.400 --> 00:14:13.280
because scarcity mindset gets you scarcity.

313
00:14:14.240 --> 00:14:16.720
It makes you grab for anything you can get.

314
00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:19.680
And it's not just in the area of a husband.

315
00:14:19.680 --> 00:14:21.600
It can be in lots of areas.

316
00:14:21.600 --> 00:14:23.040
Sometimes we'll accept a job

317
00:14:23.040 --> 00:14:23.840
that's not best for us

318
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:25.440
because we said we got to get something.

319
00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:28.000
You allow people to treat you some ways

320
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:28.800
like, well, you know,

321
00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:31.040
it's just the way it is.

322
00:14:31.040 --> 00:14:31.600
It's okay.

323
00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:35.040
And so scarcity mindset

324
00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:37.200
is something that's going to be worked out in dating.

325
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:38.480
Why in dating?

326
00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:39.520
Because you're going to see

327
00:14:39.520 --> 00:14:41.200
what a scarcity mindset gets you

328
00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:42.160
and you get to determine

329
00:14:42.160 --> 00:14:43.840
if that's what I want or I don't want.

330
00:14:44.160 --> 00:14:45.920
You're going to hold on

331
00:14:45.920 --> 00:14:47.280
to things you should have been let go.

332
00:14:47.280 --> 00:14:48.480
You're going to let a man talk to you

333
00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:49.200
certain kind of ways

334
00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:51.040
and you know, well, he's kind of pushing it.

335
00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:52.720
But one day he's going to say

336
00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:54.000
something that strikes you hard

337
00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:55.760
because you've been in this program

338
00:14:55.760 --> 00:14:56.800
and you now believe

339
00:14:56.800 --> 00:14:59.200
that he should be married by masculine and mature.

340
00:14:59.200 --> 00:14:59.920
And you're going to recognize

341
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.840
and ask for yourself and you're going to say to yourself,

342
00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:03.280
that is not a masculine man.

343
00:15:03.280 --> 00:15:05.920
I don't care how much he says he loves God.

344
00:15:05.920 --> 00:15:07.560
You're going to learn just because somebody says

345
00:15:07.560 --> 00:15:10.000
they love God, that this is an observation,

346
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:11.400
that we are fruit inspectors.

347
00:15:11.400 --> 00:15:13.660
And there's a reason why you inspect fruit.

348
00:15:15.700 --> 00:15:18.640
And there's a reason why your fruit should be inspected.

349
00:15:18.640 --> 00:15:20.320
And if you don't inspect your own fruit,

350
00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:22.420
you won't inspect somebody else's.

351
00:15:24.260 --> 00:15:27.520
We inspect fruit for longevity.

352
00:15:27.520 --> 00:15:31.240
We inspect fruit for foundational success.

353
00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:35.020
We inspect fruit so that one could put a thousand to flight

354
00:15:35.020 --> 00:15:37.460
but two could put tens of thousands to flight.

355
00:15:38.800 --> 00:15:42.860
We inspect fruit because we are worthy of goodness.

356
00:15:44.640 --> 00:15:48.240
We inspect fruit because we are worth it.

357
00:15:50.800 --> 00:15:52.860
But what we don't do is pick apart.

358
00:15:52.860 --> 00:15:57.860
What we won't do is pick apart so that we can keep people out.

359
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:05.380
And so you get faced with both of these things in dating.

360
00:16:05.380 --> 00:16:06.480
Right?

361
00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:09.060
You get to feel, you get to put yourself out there

362
00:16:09.060 --> 00:16:11.000
and take the chance on being rejected.

363
00:16:13.680 --> 00:16:15.300
You get to deal with your mindset

364
00:16:15.300 --> 00:16:17.860
that a man should say something to you first.

365
00:16:17.860 --> 00:16:22.860
Because you feel desire to be, you call it pursuit.

366
00:16:26.780 --> 00:16:28.500
And so shouldn't he pursue me?

367
00:16:28.500 --> 00:16:30.980
Shouldn't he say something to me?

368
00:16:30.980 --> 00:16:33.500
And we understand that in this dating,

369
00:16:33.500 --> 00:16:35.580
dating is a skill.

370
00:16:35.580 --> 00:16:37.580
It's about reciprocity.

371
00:16:39.260 --> 00:16:42.100
It's about, we both have an equal responsibility

372
00:16:42.100 --> 00:16:44.920
in this dating process to get to know each other.

373
00:16:45.760 --> 00:16:48.480
And when reciprocity doesn't show up,

374
00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:50.840
you understand that that person is just showing you

375
00:16:50.840 --> 00:16:51.820
who they are.

376
00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:55.300
It's not because you're not good enough.

377
00:16:55.300 --> 00:16:57.720
It's not because it's something about you,

378
00:16:57.720 --> 00:16:59.520
but they get to show up as they are

379
00:16:59.520 --> 00:17:01.840
and you get to show up as you are.

380
00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:03.440
And when people show up as they are,

381
00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:05.760
we get to say, I want that to be a part of my life

382
00:17:05.760 --> 00:17:08.440
or I don't want that to be a part of my life.

383
00:17:08.440 --> 00:17:10.599
Dating helps weed out that thing in you

384
00:17:10.599 --> 00:17:12.660
that says something must be wrong with you.

385
00:17:12.660 --> 00:17:15.020
The reason why this man is showing up this way.

386
00:17:16.819 --> 00:17:17.859
Are we all together?

387
00:17:19.420 --> 00:17:21.140
Yeah, good.

388
00:17:21.140 --> 00:17:24.420
All right, so we want us to go in with a fresh attitude.

389
00:17:24.420 --> 00:17:27.220
We wanna go in, I keep drilling in this foundation

390
00:17:27.220 --> 00:17:29.020
because I know how much it took me to,

391
00:17:29.020 --> 00:17:31.740
how long it took me to catch on to this.

392
00:17:31.740 --> 00:17:35.220
That dating is a skill is not to find your husband.

393
00:17:35.220 --> 00:17:39.100
That's how we use this tool in this program, okay?

394
00:17:40.100 --> 00:17:43.260
When you're bitter, exhausted, guarded, but not healed,

395
00:17:43.260 --> 00:17:46.220
hoping someone else will fix the ache in your heart.

396
00:17:46.220 --> 00:17:47.820
You know, ladies, have you ever just like,

397
00:17:47.820 --> 00:17:50.180
Jesus Lord, bring my husband.

398
00:17:51.100 --> 00:17:53.180
Holidays will be better.

399
00:17:53.180 --> 00:17:54.580
Events will be better.

400
00:17:54.580 --> 00:17:56.260
If I just had a husband,

401
00:17:56.260 --> 00:17:58.640
I just don't wanna keep showing up by myself.

402
00:17:59.660 --> 00:18:02.220
I just, I'm tired of being lonely.

403
00:18:02.220 --> 00:18:03.540
I just want a husband.

404
00:18:03.540 --> 00:18:05.340
I just want a companion.

405
00:18:05.340 --> 00:18:07.940
Is it just too much to ask for, God?

406
00:18:10.020 --> 00:18:13.980
That's called hoping someone else will fix the ache.

407
00:18:13.980 --> 00:18:15.860
Is there something wrong with you desiring a spouse?

408
00:18:15.860 --> 00:18:17.820
No, don't hear what I'm not saying

409
00:18:17.820 --> 00:18:20.340
because this program believes in a revival

410
00:18:20.340 --> 00:18:21.620
of kingdom marriages.

411
00:18:23.140 --> 00:18:25.860
But no one can fix the ache in your heart,

412
00:18:25.860 --> 00:18:27.260
but you and the Lord.

413
00:18:29.780 --> 00:18:32.780
Having a husband is not the only community in the world.

414
00:18:34.500 --> 00:18:38.020
So we have a responsibility to be a healthy community, okay?

415
00:18:39.420 --> 00:18:42.860
So we wanna go in a fresh attitude or don't go in at all.

416
00:18:42.860 --> 00:18:45.520
So a fresh attitude doesn't mean I'm not afraid.

417
00:18:46.780 --> 00:18:48.740
Listen, dating is scary.

418
00:18:48.740 --> 00:18:50.620
Who knows that dating is scary?

419
00:18:50.620 --> 00:18:51.840
Let me just see a wave of hand.

420
00:18:51.840 --> 00:18:52.680
Come on.

421
00:18:52.680 --> 00:18:53.680
It is scary.

422
00:18:53.680 --> 00:18:56.180
Taking a chance on somebody rejecting you

423
00:18:56.180 --> 00:18:58.820
does not feel good and it's steam, baby.

424
00:18:58.820 --> 00:18:59.660
Ooh.

425
00:19:01.140 --> 00:19:03.060
But I tell ladies all the time,

426
00:19:03.060 --> 00:19:05.640
when you apply the principles that we've given,

427
00:19:05.640 --> 00:19:08.300
when you submit yourself to order,

428
00:19:08.300 --> 00:19:10.300
which are called boundaries,

429
00:19:10.300 --> 00:19:15.300
it helps what rejection feel like a sting and that's all.

430
00:19:16.420 --> 00:19:19.380
So when you make sure you don't cross emotional boundaries,

431
00:19:19.380 --> 00:19:21.820
physical boundaries, or spiritual boundaries,

432
00:19:24.260 --> 00:19:28.060
when it has to end, you can do like this and say,

433
00:19:28.060 --> 00:19:29.460
what did I learn?

434
00:19:29.460 --> 00:19:33.500
Instead of, oh, I put it all out there

435
00:19:33.500 --> 00:19:35.620
and now I've made a mess of myself.

436
00:19:35.620 --> 00:19:38.020
Have you ever had like a vulnerability hangover?

437
00:19:38.940 --> 00:19:41.980
It's like, did I just tell them people all that?

438
00:19:41.980 --> 00:19:44.260
Did I just say, oh, you want a vulnerability?

439
00:19:44.260 --> 00:19:46.720
Oh, I can't believe I did that.

440
00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:50.020
We're trying to minimize that.

441
00:19:50.020 --> 00:19:52.200
And I've learned that when we submit ourselves

442
00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:55.080
to boundaries, our own self to the boundaries,

443
00:19:55.080 --> 00:19:57.020
put an order in our life and say,

444
00:19:57.020 --> 00:20:00.060
I'm gonna come under this order because this order.

445
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.520
this system guards my heart. That's what we're teaching you through submission to boundaries

446
00:20:05.520 --> 00:20:11.200
to guard your heart with all diligence. And you're going to do it by putting yourself under order.

447
00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:18.080
Got it? All right. So let's do a fresh heart check. Are we ready? All right. So I want you

448
00:20:18.080 --> 00:20:22.000
to assess your heart posture right now without shame. And you're going to put this in the chat.

449
00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:26.400
And as we put these things in the chat, ladies, I want you to notice what your sisters are adding

450
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:30.400
into the chat and see if any of those things identify with you. You're probably going to see

451
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:34.880
that we're all going to be putting in some of the same things. So how are we going to do this fresh

452
00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:44.320
heart check posture without any shame? No shame at all. Let's do this. So in one word, what posture

453
00:20:44.320 --> 00:20:49.360
are you bringing into online dating right now? Now I want to give you some options to kind of

454
00:20:49.360 --> 00:20:55.760
help stir things up. Are you hopeful? Are you guarded? Are you curious? Are you tired?

455
00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:03.440
Are you cautious? Are you expecting? Are you hoping that that one is the husband?

456
00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:08.160
Which is nothing wrong with being hopeful about a husband, but you know your heart posture is like,

457
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.960
what was the point of all this if he ain't the one, right? And so think, I like this. Hopeful,

458
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:17.680
hopeful, hopeful. I like the feedback that I'm getting. But in one word, what is your posture?

459
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:24.960
Are you sad? Are you discouraged? Are you tired? Are you like, well, I got to do this.

460
00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:32.400
Like, who are you and where are you? Locate yourself. A bit better, yes. And if you've

461
00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:36.720
been doing resistant and if you've been doing it for a while, I am telling you, some of my ladies

462
00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:42.320
who've been online dating for a while, it can make you tired. It's like, if this is what it's

463
00:21:42.320 --> 00:21:52.560
going to be about, I just didn't sign up for it. Curious, cautious, I started to sign up for

464
00:21:52.560 --> 00:21:57.680
eHarmony and stuff. Excited, resistant, hopeful, but also tired, sometimes discouraged, yes.

465
00:21:57.680 --> 00:22:03.840
Hesitant, curious, excited, hopeful, reservation. Yeah, yeah, we got a lot to chat about. Hesitant,

466
00:22:04.560 --> 00:22:09.840
okay. Are you checking this out, ladies? Are we all kind of on the same page here?

467
00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:17.760
Now, the one who said resistant or hesitant, which are kind of the same, can you share with us why

468
00:22:17.760 --> 00:22:24.880
either one of you? That is Alyssa, if you can. I know some of y'all are at work. Or Kirsten,

469
00:22:25.520 --> 00:22:31.360
I think it's Kirsten or Kristen. Either you want to share what's your hesitancy about,

470
00:22:31.360 --> 00:22:35.280
you can type it in the chat or you can unmute and just share real quickly.

471
00:22:41.040 --> 00:22:45.760
Okay. I assume that you may type it in the chat for us, so I'll wait till it comes up.

472
00:22:46.640 --> 00:22:50.640
And so all of us are kind of rocking in the same boat and it's okay.

473
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:58.960
It's just what it is. It's okay. It is scary to put yourself out there.

474
00:22:59.600 --> 00:23:02.880
I don't so much drama at home. I'm not sure if I have capacity for this.

475
00:23:05.760 --> 00:23:15.280
Yes. Dating is extra. Dating is work. W-O-R-K. But it requires the most work of yourself,

476
00:23:15.360 --> 00:23:20.000
believe it or not. And I want you to know something I want to speak to,

477
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:24.240
and we're going to open up the floor. I feel automatically guarded when I haven't met someone

478
00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:28.560
in real life first, so I'm going into it with less willingness to give people a chance.

479
00:23:28.560 --> 00:23:33.840
Oh, I understand that. I understand that. I always do a video chat first because I don't

480
00:23:33.840 --> 00:23:40.720
like talking to someone I haven't seen. So if I, me personally, this is not your rule.

481
00:23:41.520 --> 00:23:47.120
It's not a rule at all. It's my personality. If I'm talking with someone on a dating app,

482
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:54.160
within the second day, I need a video chat. I just, I feel some type of way about talking

483
00:23:54.160 --> 00:24:00.320
to somebody. I don't know what they look like. And so I don't prefer that type. I do not like

484
00:24:00.320 --> 00:24:05.520
talking to a person I haven't seen. I just don't like it. I just don't know what it is. It's like

485
00:24:05.520 --> 00:24:12.960
I have to see this person I'm actually conversing with. And so, yes. And so I forgot what I was

486
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:17.760
going to say, but we're going to move on. So we want you to go into actual dating,

487
00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:25.120
not to window shop. Now, can we think about when we window shop, we're checking it out like,

488
00:24:25.120 --> 00:24:30.480
oh, I like that. I like this. I like that. I don't like that. We're not window shopping for

489
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:35.600
a husband ladies. You need to, I, this is something I do to help myself. It took me

490
00:24:35.600 --> 00:24:40.800
probably over a year to break this mindset. And I found I was able to break it back because you

491
00:24:40.800 --> 00:24:44.960
will hear Jackie tell me the same thing over and over and over and over, but it didn't break it.

492
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:51.040
So I am a person that likes to put myself under order. And so what I said was every time he's not

493
00:24:51.040 --> 00:24:56.720
your husband, he's not your husband. He's not your husband. He's not your husband. He's not

494
00:24:56.720 --> 00:25:00.160
your husband. He's not your husband. He's not your husband.

495
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.360
Like literally, it was a song in my head when I would select people.

496
00:25:03.360 --> 00:25:09.120
This is not your husband. It's not your husband. So it helped me stop putting expectations on a

497
00:25:09.120 --> 00:25:15.600
person that I don't know. It helped me to see people as they were and get to know them as

498
00:25:15.600 --> 00:25:24.960
an individual as I also wanted them to do with me. I wanted them to see me as ebony. That's it.

499
00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:29.840
Not as a person they used to know, not their hope and expectations. I wasn't about to drill

500
00:25:29.840 --> 00:25:34.080
them nor were they going to drill me. They weren't coming to an interview,

501
00:25:34.080 --> 00:25:39.600
neither was I coming to an interview. Nobody's sitting around waiting to meet your checklist,

502
00:25:39.600 --> 00:25:44.400
ladies. You have to be educated. You have to be this. You have to be this. You have to be this.

503
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:49.200
You have to be this. Most people will walk away from you because they already feel like you have

504
00:25:49.200 --> 00:25:55.040
an idea of what they should be and who wants to try to fit in somebody's bubble. Raise your hand

505
00:25:55.040 --> 00:26:01.120
if you want to fit in somebody's bubble. Nobody wants to fit in somebody's bubble or box because

506
00:26:01.120 --> 00:26:06.160
most of the time when we have boxes, they are created from wounds and unhealed trauma.

507
00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:13.120
And you yourself are not free. And so now you're asking somebody else to come and join your prison.

508
00:26:13.120 --> 00:26:19.360
Come fit in my box and be exactly what I need you to be, how I need you to be, because I need you

509
00:26:19.360 --> 00:26:26.080
to be this to make me feel better. I need you to be this to make me feel safe. I need you to be this

510
00:26:26.080 --> 00:26:31.200
to make me feel secure. I'm not talking about be masculine, secure, and marriage minded. I'm

511
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:36.240
talking about all these little things on your checklist that have nothing to do with a man

512
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:42.080
being integrous or a man being honorable or a man being kind or a man being teachable

513
00:26:42.320 --> 00:26:45.840
or a man loving the Lord God with all his heart, mind, and soul.

514
00:26:47.520 --> 00:26:55.120
Right? So these are solid things to build on, but nobody, most people, unless they have a plan that

515
00:26:55.120 --> 00:27:02.000
is not for your good, they don't want to come fit in a box. And if you're living in a box and if

516
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:07.760
your checklist is a box to keep you safe, I want to encourage you, let's deal with the box and break

517
00:27:08.320 --> 00:27:16.320
the limits off of you and bring somebody into your life that's going to help you become brave and

518
00:27:16.320 --> 00:27:23.440
strong and live out the best version of yourself that refuses to let you live under limits and in

519
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:30.560
boxes. Right? The one that's going to help you wake up at two o'clock in the morning, make pancakes

520
00:27:30.560 --> 00:27:37.040
and eat carbs and syrup and have fun and laugh and dip your toes in the water. And when he says,

521
00:27:37.040 --> 00:27:46.240
let's go, you like, baby, let's go. Right? Come on, like life, living, joy, and not afraid of

522
00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:50.000
what's around the corner, waiting on the ball to drop because that's what you're used to. So you

523
00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:59.760
self-sabotage even before you get there. So we are not window shopping. We're not looking to

524
00:27:59.760 --> 00:28:07.440
collect attention. Right? And we're not trying to spiritually psychoanalyze a stranger.

525
00:28:11.520 --> 00:28:17.520
We are not doing that. That's why not. That's not what dating is for. Dating is a skill,

526
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:23.040
a skill that you use in this program to help you discover yourself.

527
00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:30.000
And we believe the discovery of self helps to create capacity within you for the love story

528
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.720
that heaven is writing, that only heaven can write. If you could write your love story,

529
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:38.960
you would have written it by now. If the checklist you had was a really good plan,

530
00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:43.440
it would have happened by now. You would have me and signed up down the block to get in on

531
00:28:43.440 --> 00:28:51.280
that wonderful plan you have because it's irresistible. But clearly it's not irresistible.

532
00:28:51.600 --> 00:28:57.600
But what heaven is building in you is irresistible to the one he has for you,

533
00:28:58.560 --> 00:29:03.760
right? To the one that he has set in place. Give me, I didn't realize that my battery

534
00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:16.400
wasn't cloaked up. Give me one second. Okay.

535
00:29:21.280 --> 00:29:30.400
Sorry, ladies.

536
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:53.360
There we go. There we go. There we go. All right. So I am going to,

537
00:29:53.360 --> 00:29:57.120
I want to give us a good hour for coaching. And so, um,

538
00:29:57.120 --> 00:29:59.440
also

539
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.080
Some of the things I want you to accept that are really hard, and those of you who've been

540
00:30:04.080 --> 00:30:07.520
dating for a while, you already know this, but there are going to be scammers.

541
00:30:09.120 --> 00:30:13.440
They're going to be people who just, y'all were talking good one day, this is online day,

542
00:30:13.440 --> 00:30:18.000
and the next day they just disappear. You could have been talking good for three or four days,

543
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:22.400
and then they just disappear. And you're like, what happened? What did I do?

544
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:27.200
Clearly, I must have done something for someone to just stop talking to me.

545
00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:32.080
That's a part of the process. You're going to have those wishy-washy men out there,

546
00:30:32.080 --> 00:30:37.600
just like wishy-washy women who are out there. You're going to have people who avoid it. All

547
00:30:37.600 --> 00:30:42.800
of us carry some type of attachment the way we've learned love, but that doesn't mean that you are

548
00:30:42.800 --> 00:30:47.680
not a good candidate for love. And I'm speaking to every one of you now. Just because you learn

549
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:53.280
love a certain way, you're in a program to help you become healthy, it doesn't mean that you're

550
00:30:53.280 --> 00:30:58.640
not a great person to love. Just because you practice self-sabotage doesn't mean you aren't

551
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:03.280
a great person to love. Just because you struggle and you want to run when somebody gets close,

552
00:31:03.280 --> 00:31:08.400
it doesn't mean you're not a great person to love. And if you're the person who draws tightly

553
00:31:09.520 --> 00:31:13.040
when they try to run away, it doesn't mean you're not a great person to love.

554
00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:19.280
It just means you know what you are bent toward doing, you just have to bend the other way.

555
00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:26.080
That means I know I'm aware of myself enough to know how I operate, and I don't have to give from

556
00:31:26.080 --> 00:31:33.360
a place of deficit. So one thing that the Lord showed me one day, I was like, Lord, I'm disorganizing

557
00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:37.040
this attachment thing I got going on. I kept saying I'm going to avoid it. I'm an attachment.

558
00:31:37.040 --> 00:31:43.600
I'm a this, I'm a this. He says, that's not your identity. It's not who you are. I have given you

559
00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:50.880
a greater and a higher love. So stop giving people what your culture gave you. Stop giving

560
00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:55.760
people the brokenness of what your mom and your father gave you, and give them the goodness that

561
00:31:55.760 --> 00:32:00.320
I've given you. There's a pure love that lives on the inside of you that has the ability to show

562
00:32:00.320 --> 00:32:05.280
grace, that has the ability to show love, that has the ability to show up and be vulnerable.

563
00:32:05.280 --> 00:32:10.480
Give them that. Don't cheat people out of the goodness that lives on the inside of you. Don't

564
00:32:10.480 --> 00:32:15.120
cheat them of the purity of love that lives on the inside of you, because you want to give them

565
00:32:15.120 --> 00:32:21.520
from the broken place. You don't have to do that. You have options, Ebony. And I was like, well,

566
00:32:21.520 --> 00:32:28.400
you know what? I never thought about it like that. That makes sense. I have options. There's a higher

567
00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:34.400
love at work in my life, and I can pour from that place. And so even though I bend one way,

568
00:32:34.400 --> 00:32:41.840
I cause myself to go in a different direction. I come to community. I submit to authority in some

569
00:32:41.840 --> 00:32:47.920
areas of my life, and I put things in place to help me give people the very best of myself

570
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:57.200
and not my broken fragments, because they're worthy of it. Yeah. All right. Dating helps you

571
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:02.240
handle realities without losing your peace. So those realities I just listed to you, scammers,

572
00:33:02.320 --> 00:33:08.000
ghosters, wishy-washy men, men who don't know what they want, if you've been on any amount

573
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:12.640
of coaching calls, you know that ladies are like, oh, my goodness. I'm just tired of this.

574
00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:19.040
That's losing it. And you do get frustrated. There's nothing wrong with saying that. That's

575
00:33:19.040 --> 00:33:25.040
not what this is. But as you practice the skill of dating, any of you guys who practice it enough,

576
00:33:25.040 --> 00:33:29.600
you know that you do get a little bit better at it. Can I get any amens on that? Like,

577
00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:34.640
the more you come in contact with me, you get sharper with it. You start to see people for who

578
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:41.200
they are, and you see you for who you are. And you don't mesh them with you because of their

579
00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:47.920
behavior. And I like this, and I want you to hold on to this saying. I say, thank you for showing up

580
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:53.680
as yourself. I'm mad at somebody for showing up as themselves. That's the best thing they could

581
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:58.720
have did. Even though I like them, we've got to a part of them that I don't like so much because

582
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:04.880
I know it's not going to produce the best for me because I am marriage minded. And so,

583
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:11.040
this is where I have to say it was great, but we can't move any further

584
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:21.040
because this is not what's best for me. Okay? Yep. And you can just pass people by, ladies.

585
00:34:21.040 --> 00:34:26.239
It's not your job. You don't have to feel safe. You don't have to teach them. You don't have to

586
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:31.920
tell them. We want you to put your counseling hat down, your pastor hat down, your saving hat down,

587
00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:38.159
your firefighter hat down, your rescue mission hat down. We are not doing no rescue missions around

588
00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:47.920
here. Nobody can save like Jesus. And you don't even have to tell them about him. Pray for them.

589
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:51.920
You bless and block, and you keep moving because dating is a skill.

590
00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:59.200
This whole thing is increasing your capacity. Okay? Yeah.

591
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.040
And I want you to remember a lot of times when we create our profile and I'm gonna stop here and then we're gonna

592
00:35:05.040 --> 00:35:10.240
Yeah, I'm gonna stop here in like one minute when create a profile we tend to sometimes

593
00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:16.520
Put a checklist on there tell them what they have to be what you need them to be

594
00:35:16.760 --> 00:35:23.520
What's everything you plan out everything they got to eat healthy. They're going they gonna have to jog in the morning

595
00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:27.260
They gonna have to read a Bible in the morning and at night

596
00:35:27.740 --> 00:35:33.940
They gonna have to go to church three times a week and they're gonna have to be educated because you need intelligent conversations and

597
00:35:35.180 --> 00:35:41.420
preferably a prestigious college because we know we need their prestigious college to have a healthy happy whole life and

598
00:35:42.660 --> 00:35:44.620
That's what we produce

599
00:35:44.620 --> 00:35:50.980
You put it out there and you really believe like I know this what heaven wants for me ladies

600
00:35:51.700 --> 00:35:53.700
People are attracted to joy

601
00:35:54.700 --> 00:36:00.420
One of the reasons you like Jackie so much it's cuz she's very charismatic

602
00:36:01.020 --> 00:36:07.400
She's bubbly. She is powerful and strong and then she she teaches the truth is really good

603
00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:13.660
But she has a personality that's contagious. You want to hear her voice? You want to be around her any way you can?

604
00:36:14.780 --> 00:36:18.180
That's the way it is when you ever met another person filled with joy

605
00:36:18.180 --> 00:36:19.460
You just want to be around them

606
00:36:19.460 --> 00:36:25.300
You know the person that everybody say they're the life of the party the reason why people like them because it's something that they carry

607
00:36:25.940 --> 00:36:29.900
And you like I can listen to them all day. I could be around them all day

608
00:36:30.220 --> 00:36:33.100
That's what I want you to think when you're creating your profile

609
00:36:33.740 --> 00:36:36.820
Show up as the person that somebody would enjoy being around

610
00:36:37.700 --> 00:36:41.980
Not as the person who's trying to guard their life from hurt and pain

611
00:36:44.660 --> 00:36:48.820
Okay, so when they read that profile you want them to say I think I like her

612
00:36:49.860 --> 00:36:52.540
I mean, she's pretty already, but wow

613
00:36:53.900 --> 00:36:56.060
She's pretty fun. Okay

614
00:36:59.340 --> 00:37:05.460
Confidence without performance is attractive confidence without performance is very attractive

615
00:37:07.340 --> 00:37:13.500
Right and our confidence is heavily based on our identity and how we see ourselves so

616
00:37:14.340 --> 00:37:20.460
Um, there are a lot of other things that we can touch on with dating don't practice now over sharing

617
00:37:22.180 --> 00:37:27.100
Let's make it a yes until it's a no, but we're gonna post a

618
00:37:29.540 --> 00:37:33.780
Lip let me stop. I'll talk about that last. Okay. It's just your

619
00:37:34.620 --> 00:37:38.540
Activation that we're gonna post a little bit later, but I don't know whose hand was up first

620
00:37:38.540 --> 00:37:41.300
It was Gail or Michelle, whichever one it is. Let's go for it

621
00:37:43.500 --> 00:37:48.260
Yes, I posted under ask the coach coach to give you a

622
00:37:49.300 --> 00:37:51.300
preview of my dilemma

623
00:37:51.820 --> 00:37:53.820
Okay

624
00:37:54.060 --> 00:37:55.820
New guy I

625
00:37:55.820 --> 00:37:59.260
Have no new guy. I've got two guys that are running neck-to-neck

626
00:37:59.820 --> 00:38:05.260
I just for those that knew I think Kathleen said she was new I I

627
00:38:06.140 --> 00:38:11.060
Was in dating app. I was thrown into phase two

628
00:38:11.580 --> 00:38:17.260
Kicking against my will I'm not wanting to get into dating back at the beginning of November and

629
00:38:17.780 --> 00:38:24.580
I was I'm just gonna give them a little heads-up November December in January. I quit

630
00:38:25.140 --> 00:38:26.660
three times

631
00:38:26.660 --> 00:38:28.660
So it just was exhausting

632
00:38:28.660 --> 00:38:34.540
I talked and that means I matched with and chatted at whatever level with

633
00:38:35.180 --> 00:38:37.180
like close to 200 guys

634
00:38:37.180 --> 00:38:40.620
I made sure they were all checked on the Christian box, though

635
00:38:42.060 --> 00:38:46.060
But I found it very easy to swipe left so to speak

636
00:38:47.060 --> 00:38:50.060
thanks to all the coaches the coaches here and

637
00:38:52.740 --> 00:39:00.740
Yes able to learn a lot about myself and and not trying to be codependent and trying to fix people and healing and

638
00:39:01.260 --> 00:39:03.980
It was very informative, but there was a lot

639
00:39:04.140 --> 00:39:09.620
But I ended up with two men and I the last time I've been on the dating app was the first part of

640
00:39:10.220 --> 00:39:16.300
February it was my last drop. I have two men in my life one is

641
00:39:17.340 --> 00:39:19.340
lives close by

642
00:39:20.860 --> 00:39:23.380
As Jackie said in one of her latest shorts

643
00:39:24.700 --> 00:39:30.300
He lived a mile and a half from my adult home where I lived most of my adult life and

644
00:39:30.300 --> 00:39:36.980
I never knew him, but we knew all we know most everybody our friends are my friends are his friends

645
00:39:37.860 --> 00:39:39.860
And I did meet him on the dating app

646
00:39:41.060 --> 00:39:47.460
And since we're both retired I've been now seeing him almost six days a week. He's non-stop

647
00:39:49.660 --> 00:39:53.780
Non-stop entertainment I best want to say he has a lot of the fruits of spirit

648
00:39:54.740 --> 00:39:56.260
he

649
00:39:56.260 --> 00:39:58.260
Has a lot of the fruits of spirit?

650
00:39:58.780 --> 00:40:00.780
he

651
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.200
I can't really find any red flags.

652
00:40:04.200 --> 00:40:06.240
He's found a church that I was going to.

653
00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:13.120
He's been going to church regularly, meeting with the pastors, going whether I go or not.

654
00:40:13.120 --> 00:40:18.240
His family, and I'm trying to give a heads up to everybody that doesn't know,

655
00:40:18.240 --> 00:40:24.000
but he's a widow where his wife died six years ago and he's still grieving her somewhat.

656
00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:32.680
But his family, his wife put the dating app on her phone before she passed and when his

657
00:40:32.680 --> 00:40:38.960
phone broke three years ago, he picked up her phone to use and discovered that she had

658
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:44.600
put his profile on the dating app and then discovered me.

659
00:40:44.600 --> 00:40:59.880
So he's quite, I would say, a young Christian and he has pursued me, put up with me.

660
00:40:59.880 --> 00:41:06.720
I've told him I was done like twice because of my attachment avoidance or whatever.

661
00:41:06.720 --> 00:41:11.400
And each time he showed up in my driveway with a newspaper, in a car, in his car with

662
00:41:11.400 --> 00:41:21.240
a newspaper, drinking a glass of water and kept texting me, come out and talk, come talk.

663
00:41:21.240 --> 00:41:27.000
And I did and it was, again, I realized I was triggered from something in my past and

664
00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:29.240
it really had nothing to do with him.

665
00:41:29.240 --> 00:41:35.280
I mean, I thought he was standing me up for a date, but he thought it was a different

666
00:41:35.280 --> 00:41:38.680
day legitimately or a different time.

667
00:41:38.680 --> 00:41:43.000
But my first thing was, see you later.

668
00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:46.520
Guy number two is a distance.

669
00:41:46.520 --> 00:41:51.400
He lives about an hour and 10-15 minutes from me.

670
00:41:51.400 --> 00:41:58.560
He has a lot of good attributes as well pursuing me.

671
00:41:58.560 --> 00:42:07.140
The same day that I told the near neighbor to get lost because of a miscommunication,

672
00:42:07.140 --> 00:42:11.420
this guy happened to call me when I was steaming mad and I told him he might as well leave

673
00:42:11.420 --> 00:42:12.420
me alone too.

674
00:42:12.420 --> 00:42:19.340
And I basically said, I'm going to just go back on the dating app and go into stage three

675
00:42:19.340 --> 00:42:20.740
and see what they have for me.

676
00:42:20.740 --> 00:42:23.100
I mean, I'm being quite honest with you.

677
00:42:23.100 --> 00:42:29.140
And lo and behold, I got this long apology and how much he was attracted to me and why

678
00:42:29.140 --> 00:42:32.660
was I dumping him because I was mad at somebody else.

679
00:42:32.660 --> 00:42:35.220
So they're back in my life again.

680
00:42:35.220 --> 00:42:42.260
They won't let me get triggered and dispose of them for stupid reasons.

681
00:42:42.260 --> 00:42:47.300
I hate to admit it, but I've learned a lot about myself.

682
00:42:47.300 --> 00:42:52.020
I am equally attracted to both of them.

683
00:42:52.020 --> 00:43:00.940
And the guy that lives close by, a former neighbor, I've known him about two months

684
00:43:00.940 --> 00:43:09.340
and a week and the distance guy I've known for about a month and a week.

685
00:43:09.340 --> 00:43:16.820
Both of them, especially the close guy that I've seen like six days a week basically,

686
00:43:16.820 --> 00:43:23.860
just because we can and he wants to be exclusive.

687
00:43:23.860 --> 00:43:27.740
Six days a week, you've known him for two months, how often have y'all been seeing each

688
00:43:27.740 --> 00:43:28.740
other?

689
00:43:29.140 --> 00:43:37.740
The reason being my grandchildren go to the same school that he graduated from.

690
00:43:37.740 --> 00:43:40.300
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

691
00:43:40.300 --> 00:43:41.900
That's not what I'm asking you.

692
00:43:41.900 --> 00:43:44.980
I understand from your post why you've seen him so much.

693
00:43:44.980 --> 00:43:50.060
I'm saying these six days a week, has it been for the entire two months or has it picked

694
00:43:50.060 --> 00:43:51.660
up a lot more like recently?

695
00:43:51.660 --> 00:43:52.660
Okay.

696
00:43:52.660 --> 00:43:57.140
I would say we saw each other four days a week for one month and then the last five

697
00:43:57.140 --> 00:43:59.180
weeks it's been six days.

698
00:43:59.180 --> 00:44:00.180
Okay.

699
00:44:00.180 --> 00:44:04.780
And so how are y'all operating under, are y'all operating on the boundaries?

700
00:44:04.780 --> 00:44:06.220
Are you physical?

701
00:44:06.220 --> 00:44:07.220
Are you sharing?

702
00:44:07.220 --> 00:44:10.340
Kiss, kiss, we kissed.

703
00:44:10.340 --> 00:44:11.340
Is it intense kissing?

704
00:44:11.340 --> 00:44:15.220
Is it making out kissing?

705
00:44:15.220 --> 00:44:18.580
It's not making out kissing.

706
00:44:19.580 --> 00:44:27.380
It's French kissing, but not sessions or anything like that.

707
00:44:27.380 --> 00:44:28.380
Yeah.

708
00:44:28.380 --> 00:44:33.300
And the reason why I'm asking for a point is not to just get in your business, but you

709
00:44:33.300 --> 00:44:37.300
said in your post, so when you got to that point, you said in your post, your response

710
00:44:37.300 --> 00:44:42.020
back to Carla was, can you love two guys?

711
00:44:42.020 --> 00:44:47.260
And so in my mind, as you're talking, I'm going to have to figure out what is triggering

712
00:44:47.260 --> 00:44:52.860
this idea that you love two guys and where is one faster than the, where is something

713
00:44:52.860 --> 00:44:57.340
maybe speeding up to causing you to be like, I can't choose.

714
00:44:57.340 --> 00:44:58.620
They're both so great.

715
00:44:58.620 --> 00:45:00.020
So that means I'm a value.

716
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.640
in the activity of one relationship

717
00:45:02.640 --> 00:45:05.120
versus the activity of the other, right?

718
00:45:05.120 --> 00:45:06.320
And so that's why I X.

719
00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:08.300
So this guy you've seen a lot,

720
00:45:08.300 --> 00:45:12.200
it's gonna be very intensified because you see him a lot.

721
00:45:14.200 --> 00:45:15.720
If you see a person a lot,

722
00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:19.880
I'm gonna say the same thing again, it's highly intensified.

723
00:45:19.880 --> 00:45:22.160
If you want to determine,

724
00:45:22.160 --> 00:45:24.800
if you want to move forward with him,

725
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:27.440
I would encourage you to see him less.

726
00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:29.160
If you see him less,

727
00:45:29.160 --> 00:45:30.400
I know y'all have a lot of things

728
00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:32.320
that cause y'all to run into each other,

729
00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:35.840
but even in run into each other, you can minimize it.

730
00:45:35.840 --> 00:45:37.120
So I can just run into you,

731
00:45:37.120 --> 00:45:38.520
but it don't mean I have to spend.

732
00:45:38.520 --> 00:45:39.960
Well, let me ask this question.

733
00:45:39.960 --> 00:45:42.140
When you say you've been seeing him every day for six weeks,

734
00:45:42.140 --> 00:45:45.160
are these like alone personal times too?

735
00:45:45.160 --> 00:45:47.000
Just not just at school for ball games,

736
00:45:47.000 --> 00:45:49.480
but you're also seeing each other a good number of hours

737
00:45:49.480 --> 00:45:50.820
in that particular day?

738
00:45:51.840 --> 00:45:53.920
I would say going to a game,

739
00:45:53.920 --> 00:45:55.720
he wants me to come an hour early.

740
00:45:55.720 --> 00:45:57.240
So I go to his house.

741
00:45:57.240 --> 00:45:59.840
I feel very comfortable that way.

742
00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:04.840
And we sit and chat and then we go to the game

743
00:46:05.440 --> 00:46:09.000
and then come to his house for popcorn and watch a movie.

744
00:46:09.000 --> 00:46:12.240
So they are longer than just sitting and watching a game.

745
00:46:12.240 --> 00:46:14.040
And so how long have you been going to his house?

746
00:46:14.040 --> 00:46:16.100
You started talking to him two months ago,

747
00:46:16.100 --> 00:46:18.400
starting from the first time you started talking to him,

748
00:46:18.400 --> 00:46:20.300
when did you start going to his house?

749
00:46:24.760 --> 00:46:26.500
Actually going to his house.

750
00:46:26.500 --> 00:46:30.580
I had a car emergency and I don't believe in coincidences,

751
00:46:30.580 --> 00:46:34.740
but I had a car emergency within a quarter of a mile

752
00:46:34.740 --> 00:46:37.060
of his house after I first met him

753
00:46:37.060 --> 00:46:38.980
and first in the first time,

754
00:46:38.980 --> 00:46:42.360
which was at a funeral of a friend.

755
00:46:42.360 --> 00:46:47.360
So I reached out to him like I'm in trouble.

756
00:46:49.220 --> 00:46:53.500
And he told me where he lived.

757
00:46:53.500 --> 00:46:57.860
I went to his, he needed to put air in all my tires.

758
00:46:57.860 --> 00:46:59.560
So I wasn't in his house.

759
00:47:00.900 --> 00:47:03.100
And he keeps saying it was a God thing.

760
00:47:03.100 --> 00:47:04.560
You know, it must've been a God thing

761
00:47:04.560 --> 00:47:07.540
that you all of a sudden my car alarms are going off

762
00:47:07.540 --> 00:47:10.060
that my tire was going flat.

763
00:47:10.060 --> 00:47:11.380
And so he fixed it.

764
00:47:11.380 --> 00:47:13.820
And so I went on to the game,

765
00:47:13.820 --> 00:47:16.740
but so what was your question?

766
00:47:18.420 --> 00:47:20.740
Probably I would have to say three weeks in.

767
00:47:21.740 --> 00:47:23.300
So after three weeks of knowing him,

768
00:47:23.300 --> 00:47:26.540
you started visiting his house and you haven't stopped since.

769
00:47:26.540 --> 00:47:29.420
Yeah, see, he's a neighbor of my daughter.

770
00:47:29.420 --> 00:47:30.820
And so he knows my daughter,

771
00:47:30.820 --> 00:47:32.500
my daughter knows his daughter,

772
00:47:32.500 --> 00:47:34.940
my daughter's, you know, his granddaughter.

773
00:47:34.940 --> 00:47:37.100
So, I mean, I really felt comfortable

774
00:47:37.100 --> 00:47:40.900
because the connection was like so many friends we knew.

775
00:47:41.820 --> 00:47:43.460
And my daughter.

776
00:47:43.460 --> 00:47:45.100
Well, you know that, okay, I want to,

777
00:47:45.100 --> 00:47:47.220
I just want to release you of this.

778
00:47:47.260 --> 00:47:49.620
Me asking you these questions is not to,

779
00:47:50.740 --> 00:47:53.240
how safe you felt with him is not on trial.

780
00:47:54.220 --> 00:47:57.100
It's okay, I'm trying to justify myself, I guess.

781
00:47:57.100 --> 00:47:58.860
You're trying to justify yourself.

782
00:47:58.860 --> 00:48:01.180
Like justification is not needed,

783
00:48:01.180 --> 00:48:04.260
but there are pieces to anything,

784
00:48:04.260 --> 00:48:06.580
no matter how much you feel like it's God,

785
00:48:06.580 --> 00:48:08.820
no matter how comfortable you are,

786
00:48:08.820 --> 00:48:13.200
with the right formula, you speed up things.

787
00:48:14.580 --> 00:48:16.020
You go to somebody's house

788
00:48:16.020 --> 00:48:17.460
and you spend every day with them,

789
00:48:17.460 --> 00:48:19.700
you're speeding up a process

790
00:48:19.700 --> 00:48:22.500
that then in turn causes confusion for you

791
00:48:22.500 --> 00:48:24.060
because now you don't know what to do.

792
00:48:24.060 --> 00:48:26.100
You don't know what to do because you've,

793
00:48:26.100 --> 00:48:29.940
it's so much, you've been around him so much,

794
00:48:29.940 --> 00:48:31.220
you can't differentiate.

795
00:48:31.220 --> 00:48:32.660
So that's the thing.

796
00:48:32.660 --> 00:48:34.260
So what I'm saying to you is,

797
00:48:34.260 --> 00:48:35.740
and then we're going to take this last minute

798
00:48:35.740 --> 00:48:37.620
and I'm going to wrap that up.

799
00:48:37.620 --> 00:48:39.220
If you want to know the difference

800
00:48:39.220 --> 00:48:41.140
because you like this other guy too,

801
00:48:41.140 --> 00:48:45.340
spend less time with family, community, friends.

802
00:48:46.860 --> 00:48:47.940
Mm-hmm.

803
00:48:47.940 --> 00:48:49.220
Pull back the time.

804
00:48:49.220 --> 00:48:52.980
Tell him, hey, I know you want exclusivity.

805
00:48:52.980 --> 00:48:54.380
I am marriage minded.

806
00:48:54.380 --> 00:48:55.400
You have been great.

807
00:48:55.400 --> 00:48:56.760
I enjoy you.

808
00:48:56.760 --> 00:48:59.820
But in order for me to properly understand

809
00:48:59.820 --> 00:49:01.360
or for me to probably determine

810
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:03.420
if we are best suited for each other,

811
00:49:03.420 --> 00:49:05.900
I want to slow down our pacing

812
00:49:07.100 --> 00:49:09.900
so that I can see and you can see.

813
00:49:09.900 --> 00:49:12.380
Well, I already know, good for you.

814
00:49:12.380 --> 00:49:14.340
I have to know for me.

815
00:49:14.340 --> 00:49:17.820
I have to know if this is what's best for my life.

816
00:49:17.820 --> 00:49:19.060
And so with that being said,

817
00:49:19.060 --> 00:49:21.100
as challenging as this is going to be,

818
00:49:21.100 --> 00:49:23.060
I'm going to cut back us seeing each other

819
00:49:23.060 --> 00:49:24.880
to three days a week.

820
00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:26.500
I'm going to cut back us seeing each other

821
00:49:26.500 --> 00:49:27.780
for two days a week

822
00:49:28.920 --> 00:49:31.100
so that you won't just get a gal

823
00:49:31.100 --> 00:49:32.420
that was in a confused state

824
00:49:32.420 --> 00:49:34.660
because I was smothered by your presence

825
00:49:34.660 --> 00:49:35.700
and our time together.

826
00:49:35.700 --> 00:49:37.580
And I put you in a place to spend every day with you.

827
00:49:37.580 --> 00:49:39.140
Every day I've gotten used to you.

828
00:49:39.140 --> 00:49:41.420
And then later on you find out, oh,

829
00:49:41.420 --> 00:49:43.460
because at month three,

830
00:49:43.460 --> 00:49:45.260
once you start getting used to him, Gayle,

831
00:49:45.260 --> 00:49:46.380
in month four,

832
00:49:46.380 --> 00:49:49.140
you're going to start to see things you didn't see.

833
00:49:49.140 --> 00:49:51.380
So you're not going to be that perfect no more.

834
00:49:52.820 --> 00:49:54.040
That's just natural.

835
00:49:54.980 --> 00:49:56.620
The longer you hang around me,

836
00:49:56.620 --> 00:49:57.900
it's not going to be,

837
00:49:57.900 --> 00:50:00.300
it's just you become a common place with him.

838
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.360
person and then you start seeing things you don't like or you whatever whatever

839
00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:09.800
whatever pacing helps with it okay okay pacing helps you see so that's your

840
00:50:09.800 --> 00:50:15.120
answer how do I know what I want to do slow that down

841
00:50:17.120 --> 00:50:26.280
slow it's gonna be hard because he they know he knows I'm dating the other guy

842
00:50:26.280 --> 00:50:33.600
knows I'm dating the other guy not known as much or as long is like struggling

843
00:50:33.600 --> 00:50:41.800
but okay but this guy's like maybe you can't commit maybe I'm maybe I shouldn't

844
00:50:41.800 --> 00:50:47.360
you know he's pulling back basically he's pulling back on his own like you're

845
00:50:47.360 --> 00:50:54.080
not willing to commit I'm all in yeah so what you can say is right so what you

846
00:50:54.080 --> 00:50:57.440
need to do is make a decision you're two months in you're seeing somebody every

847
00:50:57.440 --> 00:51:02.000
day that week I will be saying the same thing okay so your conversation needs to

848
00:51:02.000 --> 00:51:05.600
look like I do have to make a decision because if it were you girl you will

849
00:51:05.600 --> 00:51:09.480
want a man to make a decision that's understandable at this point you're two

850
00:51:09.480 --> 00:51:13.960
months going to three months you're not 18 years old you both know what you want

851
00:51:13.960 --> 00:51:18.480
out of life so it's you you're sitting on a level of wisdom and understanding

852
00:51:18.480 --> 00:51:22.200
and so that doesn't mean you have to choose because he says choose but you do

853
00:51:22.200 --> 00:51:25.040
need to make a decision and you're gonna do their best if you will pace

854
00:51:25.040 --> 00:51:31.040
take a breather step back and evaluate and then it's gonna be time you come up

855
00:51:31.040 --> 00:51:34.680
into 90 days tell him give you until 90 days and you'll be ready to make a

856
00:51:34.680 --> 00:51:38.400
decision Jackie encourages three months if you

857
00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:42.400
just can't wait for three months she said two months but three third 90 days

858
00:51:42.400 --> 00:51:48.280
is a really good time to evaluate and say do I want to go exclusive and so if

859
00:51:48.280 --> 00:51:53.160
you start pacing now put 90 days on the calendar give him the date that you're

860
00:51:53.160 --> 00:51:57.680
going to return with an answer about exclusivity pace your way to that 90-day

861
00:51:57.680 --> 00:52:00.880
mark and the same thing with the other guy and you'll be able to make a

862
00:52:00.880 --> 00:52:08.880
decision okay thank you you're welcome yeah you're welcome Michelle

863
00:52:08.880 --> 00:52:19.360
hi everyone I just want to update you on the date that I was supposed to have

864
00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:27.800
Sunday he's from Maryland he was planning on driving up to see me and we

865
00:52:27.800 --> 00:52:37.280
had a date scheduled for Sunday at four o'clock I talked to him the night before

866
00:52:37.520 --> 00:52:47.640
he said yes he'll be there and then I got all dolled up and you know went to

867
00:52:47.640 --> 00:52:56.800
the mall to meet him and I texted him and I said are you close to Applebee's

868
00:52:56.800 --> 00:53:04.760
and I got no response and then I tried calling him and his phone was shut off

869
00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:11.800
so I waited like half an hour for him to show up you know thinking there could

870
00:53:11.800 --> 00:53:23.080
have been traffic whatever have you and after that he never showed up so I was

871
00:53:23.080 --> 00:53:32.640
basically kind of blessing and releasing him you know that he wasn't the one for

872
00:53:32.640 --> 00:53:34.840
me

873
00:53:36.600 --> 00:53:45.920
so did I do the right thing and the day before the day before was also his

874
00:53:45.920 --> 00:53:54.920
birthday so Michelle how long this was your first date how long had you I've

875
00:53:54.920 --> 00:54:04.400
been chatting um we've been chatting like three weeks and also video chatting

876
00:54:04.400 --> 00:54:11.880
off to okay and and I love the support you're getting from the ladies in the

877
00:54:11.880 --> 00:54:16.360
comments and they're so sorry that happened to you yes and I agree with

878
00:54:16.360 --> 00:54:24.800
them my mind went straight into what's happening here first date no show you

879
00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:28.680
been chatting for three weeks and so he's been very interactive showing

880
00:54:28.680 --> 00:54:34.440
reciprocity right you check out each day you he takes you text he initiates he's

881
00:54:34.440 --> 00:54:39.920
been initiating some also yep and so when you call him after the no-show he

882
00:54:39.920 --> 00:54:48.320
didn't answer no he didn't and how many days has it been I was supposed to meet

883
00:54:48.360 --> 00:54:57.560
him on Sunday so it's been what two days oh this Sunday in the mountains and I

884
00:54:57.560 --> 00:55:01.600
just came back so my mind is a little bit

885
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.160
I'm real throw it out with the date.

886
00:55:04.160 --> 00:55:06.520
So today is Tuesday and that was Sunday

887
00:55:06.520 --> 00:55:08.300
and you haven't heard from him?

888
00:55:08.300 --> 00:55:09.140
No.

889
00:55:10.200 --> 00:55:12.620
And have you, did you call him like on Monday

890
00:55:12.620 --> 00:55:15.020
was his phone still going straight to voicemail?

891
00:55:16.920 --> 00:55:19.080
No, he still had it turned off.

892
00:55:20.520 --> 00:55:23.300
And you all usually chat, text via your phones

893
00:55:23.300 --> 00:55:24.240
or over the app?

894
00:55:25.240 --> 00:55:30.240
No, over texting over with our phone numbers.

895
00:55:32.920 --> 00:55:33.840
Yeah.

896
00:55:33.840 --> 00:55:37.000
And so I would say, how far is he away from you

897
00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:38.920
where he was supposed to meet you at?

898
00:55:38.920 --> 00:55:41.980
For my, he's in Maryland.

899
00:55:41.980 --> 00:55:43.580
So he's four hours away.

900
00:55:46.080 --> 00:55:49.320
Oh, okay.

901
00:55:50.200 --> 00:55:53.400
Um, I would say that it's too soon

902
00:55:53.400 --> 00:55:55.360
for you to make a decision.

903
00:55:55.360 --> 00:55:58.640
I know that making a decision will help you

904
00:55:58.640 --> 00:56:01.360
cause it's like, this is it, let's just let this be it.

905
00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:05.180
So you don't have to keep yourself open.

906
00:56:05.180 --> 00:56:07.440
I imagine in three weeks of texting,

907
00:56:07.440 --> 00:56:11.040
chatting and video that you liked him.

908
00:56:11.040 --> 00:56:12.960
I don't see you agreeing to meet him

909
00:56:12.960 --> 00:56:16.960
if you didn't really like him somewhat or you were furious.

910
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:19.020
And so I know that it's kind of hard

911
00:56:19.720 --> 00:56:22.300
because one of the things you may also be grieving,

912
00:56:22.300 --> 00:56:24.300
I'm not sure, and I want you ladies to remember

913
00:56:24.300 --> 00:56:25.860
that this is a real grief.

914
00:56:25.860 --> 00:56:28.900
When you talk to a person every day or see them every day

915
00:56:28.900 --> 00:56:32.380
or every other day, you can also grieve

916
00:56:32.380 --> 00:56:34.660
not having them in that place anymore.

917
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:37.660
And sometimes you'll think it's because

918
00:56:37.660 --> 00:56:39.300
you liked them so much

919
00:56:39.300 --> 00:56:41.060
and you thought it was really something special,

920
00:56:41.060 --> 00:56:44.140
but a lot of it, if you took time to evaluate it,

921
00:56:44.140 --> 00:56:47.200
it's because they were in that space every day.

922
00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:49.160
You get a text from them.

923
00:56:49.160 --> 00:56:51.120
You look forward to the ting

924
00:56:51.120 --> 00:56:52.760
or you know you're gonna say something to them

925
00:56:52.760 --> 00:56:53.880
and they're gonna say something back.

926
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:54.720
Why am I saying that?

927
00:56:54.720 --> 00:56:56.960
Cause I want you to give the weight to that.

928
00:56:56.960 --> 00:56:58.800
Like that's a real thing.

929
00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:02.600
So that way that you won't be letting the enemy

930
00:57:02.600 --> 00:57:05.120
step on parts of your heart that's unnecessary.

931
00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:09.420
Gotta put stuff in its place.

932
00:57:09.420 --> 00:57:12.280
I was just used to that person being in this space

933
00:57:12.280 --> 00:57:15.680
and I liked it and I enjoyed it and it is fun

934
00:57:15.680 --> 00:57:18.160
and it does feel good and it's really nice.

935
00:57:18.160 --> 00:57:20.300
And don't cheat yourself out of that.

936
00:57:21.380 --> 00:57:24.200
You're not wrong for wanting and desiring that.

937
00:57:24.200 --> 00:57:26.180
So next thing I'm gonna say is,

938
00:57:26.180 --> 00:57:28.720
you can say if it's best for your heart,

939
00:57:28.720 --> 00:57:30.800
if he calls me, I'll deal with it then

940
00:57:30.800 --> 00:57:32.700
as I'm gonna keep moving along.

941
00:57:34.040 --> 00:57:36.960
You can figure out why he did it, what happened.

942
00:57:36.960 --> 00:57:40.400
As far as I know, you said everything was good.

943
00:57:40.400 --> 00:57:43.200
He was initiating conversation back and forth with you.

944
00:57:43.200 --> 00:57:44.920
Did he ever seem like he was hesitant

945
00:57:45.000 --> 00:57:47.060
about meeting up with you?

946
00:57:47.060 --> 00:57:49.600
Like making all these decisions?

947
00:57:49.600 --> 00:57:50.520
No.

948
00:57:50.520 --> 00:57:51.880
Y'all had already saw each other.

949
00:57:51.880 --> 00:57:53.300
You know how he looks.

950
00:57:55.160 --> 00:57:56.600
Yeah.

951
00:57:56.600 --> 00:58:01.260
I think that Michelle, it's best to say, okay.

952
00:58:03.200 --> 00:58:05.920
If he, yeah, okay.

953
00:58:05.920 --> 00:58:08.120
And it's your choice if he does reach back out,

954
00:58:08.120 --> 00:58:11.320
you can respond or not at all, but that's up to you.

955
00:58:12.240 --> 00:58:17.240
And you can listen to what, you can ask him if you want.

956
00:58:17.360 --> 00:58:18.800
What I'm saying, or not at all.

957
00:58:18.800 --> 00:58:19.800
It doesn't have to be like,

958
00:58:19.800 --> 00:58:21.080
oh, you think you're gonna treat me that way

959
00:58:21.080 --> 00:58:22.160
and come back in my life?

960
00:58:22.160 --> 00:58:23.640
You're not letting him back in your life

961
00:58:23.640 --> 00:58:26.080
because he calls and you wanna act genuinely

962
00:58:26.080 --> 00:58:27.880
you're what he has to say.

963
00:58:27.880 --> 00:58:30.160
Because you can already make a decision that,

964
00:58:30.160 --> 00:58:32.560
hey, based on what he said,

965
00:58:32.560 --> 00:58:34.560
is this something that I want to allow

966
00:58:34.560 --> 00:58:38.240
or already understand what it is,

967
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:41.120
what he's showing you and accept it for that.

968
00:58:41.920 --> 00:58:43.040
But you don't have to go make conclusions

969
00:58:43.040 --> 00:58:45.640
or live in a place that you don't have grace for.

970
00:58:45.640 --> 00:58:46.480
You're not there.

971
00:58:46.480 --> 00:58:47.480
You're just right here.

972
00:58:47.480 --> 00:58:49.280
And you have grace to do what you have grace to do

973
00:58:49.280 --> 00:58:50.120
right here.

974
00:58:51.320 --> 00:58:55.320
I would say before I did the heart work,

975
00:58:55.320 --> 00:58:59.800
I would have been like sobbing and crying.

976
00:58:59.800 --> 00:59:04.080
And when my son came home and he saw that I was home,

977
00:59:04.080 --> 00:59:06.160
he was like, what happened?

978
00:59:06.160 --> 00:59:07.560
And I said, he never showed up.

979
00:59:07.560 --> 00:59:11.920
And I said, I'm not mad about it.

980
00:59:11.920 --> 00:59:14.120
I'm a little disappointed about it.

981
00:59:14.120 --> 00:59:19.120
But I said, I'm just going to bless him and release him.

982
00:59:21.440 --> 00:59:22.280
Yeah.

983
00:59:23.560 --> 00:59:25.360
How far did you drive to meet him?

984
00:59:26.320 --> 00:59:28.000
I don't drive.

985
00:59:28.000 --> 00:59:28.840
Okay.

986
00:59:30.360 --> 00:59:31.400
Yeah.

987
00:59:31.400 --> 00:59:33.560
He was supposed to pick you up?

988
00:59:33.560 --> 00:59:36.680
No, he was supposed to meet me at the mall

989
00:59:36.680 --> 00:59:39.320
and we were going to go to lunch at Applebee's.

990
00:59:39.320 --> 00:59:41.160
And you took the Uber?

991
00:59:41.160 --> 00:59:42.120
Yes.

992
00:59:42.120 --> 00:59:42.960
Okay.

993
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:43.800
Okay.

994
00:59:43.800 --> 00:59:44.640
Okay.

995
00:59:44.640 --> 00:59:45.480
Gotcha.

996
00:59:45.480 --> 00:59:46.320
All right.

997
00:59:46.320 --> 00:59:47.160
All right.

998
00:59:47.160 --> 00:59:50.800
So he was going to take the toll of the road, the trip?

999
00:59:50.800 --> 00:59:51.720
Yes.

1000
00:59:51.720 --> 00:59:52.560
Okay.

1001
00:59:52.560 --> 00:59:53.400
All right.

1002
00:59:53.400 --> 00:59:57.400
Keep us updated and I'm excited for you.

1003
00:59:57.400 --> 00:59:59.880
I like the peace that you're carrying about this.

1004
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.720
it really helps you to keep moving yeah it does and you know i i'm back on the dating app and

1005
01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:19.040
you know going through it yeah okay way to go nadine nadine nadine hey ebony this is my week

1006
01:00:19.040 --> 01:00:24.960
of rest so i'm not turning my camera on because that might frighten you off oh no nadine you don't

1007
01:00:24.960 --> 01:00:29.840
have to turn your camera on at all but you're so cute i'm not sure that can even happen oh you're

1008
01:00:29.840 --> 01:00:41.120
sweet okay i need help i need help love it i dropped the hanky girl um i feel like

1009
01:00:44.160 --> 01:00:50.240
so ebony you know i've been trying to go on like an in-person date for last six months which is

1010
01:00:50.240 --> 01:00:55.680
kind of crazy thinking that it's been six months but time has just flown by or maybe it's like

1011
01:00:55.680 --> 01:01:01.440
five going on six because it was the end of september and so um i've just been really slow

1012
01:01:01.440 --> 01:01:06.320
because i just i want to hear from the lord on every person and so and then i'm over analyzing

1013
01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:13.200
things so anyways so there is a guy who um popped up i think i told you about him last week

1014
01:01:13.840 --> 01:01:21.280
and he's been very consistent with reaching out and um very consistent like in having like

1015
01:01:21.280 --> 01:01:29.520
full engaged conversations which is very new to me i feel like i used to always be the person

1016
01:01:29.520 --> 01:01:35.680
to be the talker and like i would find myself in in attracting people that didn't want to have

1017
01:01:35.680 --> 01:01:39.840
communication like and it was frustrating because i was like i don't understand like i want to talk

1018
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:45.440
with somebody um and it's interesting because my friends thought that maybe i needed someone who

1019
01:01:45.440 --> 01:01:50.080
was quiet and i thought maybe that too because like you know i'm a single mom so i don't really

1020
01:01:50.080 --> 01:01:55.680
get to talk to anyone but i've really been enjoying just having conversations and a lot

1021
01:01:55.680 --> 01:02:03.280
like listening like to an adult like and like a man like just listening like it's been really

1022
01:02:03.280 --> 01:02:11.280
refreshing so anyways i really like this guy and i as soon as i discovered i that i liked him i

1023
01:02:11.280 --> 01:02:14.640
started talking to other guys because i was just trying to guard my heart and i i'm going to

1024
01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:20.560
continue on in that because i just think it's wise for my personality um and so there's a lot

1025
01:02:20.560 --> 01:02:26.080
of things that are coming up and i can't even go into everything but i think the biggest thing

1026
01:02:26.080 --> 01:02:31.840
is that like i have a lot of fear coming up that i'm gonna miss my kingdom assignment like

1027
01:02:32.400 --> 01:02:37.920
and you know early on i remember talking to you about like i dated there was two guys i was

1028
01:02:37.920 --> 01:02:44.560
talking with one was like so spiritual but he did he we couldn't get past like spiritual

1029
01:02:44.560 --> 01:02:49.040
conversations and that was frustrating but then i was talking to a different guy and he was

1030
01:02:49.840 --> 01:02:54.160
willing to talk about you know the spiritual things and willing to grow but he wasn't where i

1031
01:02:54.160 --> 01:03:00.560
needed him to be spiritually and so this guy it's like this beautiful flow of like it goes back and

1032
01:03:00.560 --> 01:03:08.160
forth and we can it's like i just i feel myself and it's kind of interesting that i've been able

1033
01:03:08.160 --> 01:03:14.880
to be my bubbly self with him so easily um and so i've just i'm just i'm just still guarded

1034
01:03:15.680 --> 01:03:22.400
so we've been talking since uh the end of february the 23rd and so it we took a week to do like

1035
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:30.640
texting and voice clips and then we had a facebook video chat and so after that we did have

1036
01:03:30.640 --> 01:03:35.200
two back-to-back days where we had face times but then i was like okay i need to like slow things

1037
01:03:35.200 --> 01:03:40.880
down so the cadence has been like two days where we have like a text or two conversation but no

1038
01:03:40.880 --> 01:03:45.760
face time then we'll have a face time and then like two days where we're just texting a few

1039
01:03:46.400 --> 01:03:52.960
times and then we'll do like a face time so our face times are lasting like around two hours on

1040
01:03:52.960 --> 01:03:59.520
average which i know that's pretty long but so i probably need to shorten it so um anyways i'm just

1041
01:03:59.520 --> 01:04:05.520
going to sum it up because i know there's a lot of ladies on here but i think the fear of um it

1042
01:04:05.520 --> 01:04:09.760
not being a kingdom assignment like i've been seeing a lot of black trucks and i feel like

1043
01:04:09.760 --> 01:04:16.320
sometimes the enemy tries to come in with like um signs that sort of thing so i just i don't want to

1044
01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:20.480
listen to the enemy i want to listen to what the lord's telling me but i'm like lord if you're

1045
01:04:20.480 --> 01:04:25.360
trying to protect me i need to know that too like i've been praying every day lord if this is not

1046
01:04:25.360 --> 01:04:32.160
your will like take him out of my life like i don't i don't want that um and then i think in

1047
01:04:32.160 --> 01:04:40.640
our conversations we've got like the way that we conversate is so similar that it's refreshing

1048
01:04:40.640 --> 01:04:46.640
and there's a lot of commonalities that we have but my parents you know um they were like oil and

1049
01:04:46.640 --> 01:04:53.120
water and it was just like fighting every day uh my dad's black he's from south carolina my mom's

1050
01:04:53.120 --> 01:04:59.200
white she's from germany so it's like different cultures all the things and so the fact that like

1051
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.400
that we see eye to eye on a lot of things is kind of triggering, which is

1052
01:05:06.400 --> 01:05:10.640
interesting because I'm like, I don't know, I hear sometimes where people are

1053
01:05:10.640 --> 01:05:16.240
like that you want someone who's different because it will refine you and

1054
01:05:16.240 --> 01:05:19.800
so that's where I'm like, okay, so do I need to move him to the side? Like, I

1055
01:05:19.800 --> 01:05:24.480
don't know. So anyways, I'm gonna be quiet and I'll let you give me some coaching.

1056
01:05:24.480 --> 01:05:29.560
Okay, so I want you to finish this statement for me. My kingdom assignment

1057
01:05:29.560 --> 01:05:38.800
is, I fear I will miss it because. My kingdom assignment is, you give me the

1058
01:05:38.800 --> 01:05:47.320
answer right there. Yeah, oh, I think this is a hard one for me too. I know it's

1059
01:05:47.320 --> 01:05:52.240
such a simple answer but it's like, I really just want to be a mom and I

1060
01:05:52.240 --> 01:05:56.880
think that there's something in me that still has to die where I think I need to

1061
01:05:56.880 --> 01:06:04.320
be like a business leader and all the things and I don't, I think that, yeah,

1062
01:06:04.320 --> 01:06:08.920
I'll just answer that and then what was the second part of the question you

1063
01:06:08.920 --> 01:06:17.000
asked? I fear, so what I fear I will miss it because. I fear I will miss it because

1064
01:06:17.000 --> 01:06:22.880
I will not make the right decision or like my discernment will be off. Yeah, I

1065
01:06:23.000 --> 01:06:28.240
fear my discernment will be off because.

1066
01:06:30.280 --> 01:06:38.000
Because I'm afraid that I'm gonna hear the Lord wrong. I fear I will hear the

1067
01:06:38.000 --> 01:06:52.240
Lord wrong because. I don't know, I think that I had a major spiritual attack in

1068
01:06:52.280 --> 01:06:57.000
August of 2022 where I was doing all these things thinking it was the Lord

1069
01:06:57.000 --> 01:07:03.560
and it wasn't and I am still healing from that so I'm very like on pins and

1070
01:07:03.560 --> 01:07:06.920
needles when I make decisions because I just don't want to get outside of the

1071
01:07:06.920 --> 01:07:19.280
will of God. So I want us to do a little forgiveness around the area for you

1072
01:07:19.280 --> 01:07:25.400
Nadine and I want to do that because I have to free you from taking this into

1073
01:07:25.400 --> 01:07:31.440
your own hands and if we don't release you from that past you're gonna keep

1074
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:36.680
holding all of the cards in your hand and it's gonna be really hard for a

1075
01:07:36.680 --> 01:07:42.840
kingdom marriage to come forth. Okay. What happens is it puts you in a position to

1076
01:07:42.840 --> 01:07:50.440
repeat the same cycle because you keep seeing yourself as the poor choice but

1077
01:07:50.440 --> 01:07:56.000
that's not who you are and if you never see yourself rightly it's gonna be real

1078
01:07:56.000 --> 01:08:01.960
challenging to make the best decisions because you don't see yourself as a good

1079
01:08:01.960 --> 01:08:09.080
decision maker. Okay. Okay. So if you're willing to I want to go ahead and just

1080
01:08:09.080 --> 01:08:14.240
do a little forgiveness around that thing that happened in 2022. Yeah I'll

1081
01:08:14.240 --> 01:08:18.640
do that right now. Okay and so what I want you to do is I want you to repeat

1082
01:08:18.640 --> 01:08:24.240
after me and if it resonates with you say it if it doesn't you adjust it to

1083
01:08:24.240 --> 01:08:30.640
what resonates with you. Okay. So what you're gonna say is Father God I forgive

1084
01:08:30.640 --> 01:08:36.640
myself for the decisions I made. Father God I forgive myself for the decisions

1085
01:08:36.680 --> 01:08:43.520
that I made. I thought that I was hearing from you but whatever happened caused me

1086
01:08:43.520 --> 01:08:48.439
to see that it was not you. I thought that I was hearing from you but whatever

1087
01:08:48.439 --> 01:08:56.399
happened caused me to think that I was hearing from you. Right. And some poor

1088
01:08:56.399 --> 01:09:01.560
decisions were made. And some poor decisions were made.

1089
01:09:02.560 --> 01:09:10.319
I forgive myself for and then you can fill in the blanks after that. I forgive

1090
01:09:10.319 --> 01:09:17.720
myself for. I forgive myself for not using wisdom during that time. I forgive

1091
01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:24.960
myself for not prioritizing my life the way it needed to be including my son

1092
01:09:24.960 --> 01:09:32.479
during that time. I forgive myself for not being perfect. I forgive myself for

1093
01:09:32.479 --> 01:09:39.760
the mistakes I made. I forgive myself for how hard I've been on myself regarding

1094
01:09:39.760 --> 01:09:47.240
that situation. And I forgive myself for constantly opening the door to the past

1095
01:09:47.240 --> 01:09:54.400
when you ask us to be present and think about today. Now Father God I release

1096
01:09:54.400 --> 01:10:01.920
myself from the judgment that I put on myself. Now Father God I release myself.

1097
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.000
from the judgment that I've put on myself.

1098
01:10:04.080 --> 01:10:09.040
I understand that that's not who you are. I understand that that's not who you are.

1099
01:10:11.680 --> 01:10:15.520
And today, Father God, I cast all my cares upon you because you care for me.

1100
01:10:16.560 --> 01:10:20.560
And today, Father God, I cast all my cares upon you because you care for me.

1101
01:10:22.160 --> 01:10:24.720
And I confess with my mouth that I am a student.

1102
01:10:24.960 --> 01:10:26.080
And I confess with my mouth that I am a student.

1103
01:10:26.080 --> 01:10:28.400
And I confess with my mouth that I am a student.

1104
01:10:29.280 --> 01:10:30.640
I am a learner.

1105
01:10:30.640 --> 01:10:31.600
I am a learner.

1106
01:10:32.320 --> 01:10:33.920
And you are my teacher.

1107
01:10:33.920 --> 01:10:35.040
And you are my teacher.

1108
01:10:35.840 --> 01:10:38.720
And I'm going to speak this over you, Nadine. You know, Jesus said,

1109
01:10:39.280 --> 01:10:45.120
he told his father, he says that everyone that you placed into my hands, I've not lost one of them.

1110
01:10:45.680 --> 01:10:51.040
And the Bible goes on to say that nothing by any means shall pluck us out of the hand of God.

1111
01:10:51.760 --> 01:10:57.040
I'm sharing that with you to speak that over what happened to you in 2022.

1112
01:10:57.040 --> 01:11:00.400
Nothing by any means can pluck you out of the hands of God.

1113
01:11:00.960 --> 01:11:07.120
And if he entrusted you into a situation, he knew it would make you better, not worse.

1114
01:11:07.920 --> 01:11:12.160
He knew that you can go through this thing and come out on the other side.

1115
01:11:12.160 --> 01:11:18.720
And so I want you to understand how strategic our father is because he allowed it to be so.

1116
01:11:19.280 --> 01:11:22.240
Because he knew that you could grow and learn from it.

1117
01:11:24.240 --> 01:11:25.440
Are you with me on that?

1118
01:11:26.160 --> 01:11:29.840
Yeah, I am, you know, and it was really beautiful at church.

1119
01:11:29.840 --> 01:11:33.280
There's a guy, you know, it was rooted in paranoia.

1120
01:11:34.320 --> 01:11:38.000
But there was a guy at church who kept looking over his shoulder.

1121
01:11:38.560 --> 01:11:41.760
And if I didn't go through what I went through that year,

1122
01:11:41.760 --> 01:11:46.720
I wouldn't know some of the thoughts and how he needed to be loved on.

1123
01:11:46.720 --> 01:11:49.840
And when I went to get coffee at church on Sunday,

1124
01:11:50.400 --> 01:11:53.680
he was at the place and his name was David, which is my brother's name.

1125
01:11:54.400 --> 01:12:02.880
And I just knew he needed, like, me to say his name and he needed eye contact and he needed,

1126
01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:04.320
like, a gentleness.

1127
01:12:04.320 --> 01:12:07.600
But I would not have known that had I not gone through

1128
01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:09.760
what I went through without going into the details.

1129
01:12:09.760 --> 01:12:13.600
And so I really appreciate you sharing that because I feel like,

1130
01:12:13.840 --> 01:12:18.720
um, I feel like I know that, that I had to go through that because of,

1131
01:12:20.320 --> 01:12:23.200
because of the assignment that the Lord has in my life.

1132
01:12:23.200 --> 01:12:29.440
But it was so hard of a situation that it affected so many areas of my life that

1133
01:12:30.560 --> 01:12:32.560
I'm just, I'm grateful to come out of it now.

1134
01:12:33.120 --> 01:12:35.920
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, praise God for that.

1135
01:12:36.560 --> 01:12:39.680
And so now we're going to rightly position you.

1136
01:12:40.320 --> 01:12:45.040
And I want you to stay in the seat of a learner and let Jesus be your teacher.

1137
01:12:45.600 --> 01:12:46.320
Okay.

1138
01:12:46.320 --> 01:12:50.320
Um, you know, the Bible says that his yoke is easy.

1139
01:12:50.320 --> 01:12:52.720
That means his yoke, his teachings is easy.

1140
01:12:52.720 --> 01:12:54.160
His burden is light.

1141
01:12:54.800 --> 01:12:55.600
Okay.

1142
01:12:55.600 --> 01:13:01.200
And so what happens is now that you reposition yourself as a student, as a learner,

1143
01:13:01.200 --> 01:13:04.880
you will no longer carry the weight of doing things right.

1144
01:13:05.520 --> 01:13:06.560
Mm hmm.

1145
01:13:06.560 --> 01:13:09.680
And that you get to not wait to hear from God,

1146
01:13:09.680 --> 01:13:13.440
but take the green light and walk as you hear from God.

1147
01:13:14.080 --> 01:13:14.400
Okay.

1148
01:13:17.280 --> 01:13:22.560
You really want to release you from the idea that you're going to miss God.

1149
01:13:24.000 --> 01:13:25.760
You're not going to miss God.

1150
01:13:26.320 --> 01:13:27.360
You didn't miss him.

1151
01:13:27.360 --> 01:13:30.080
Then you went through an experience.

1152
01:13:31.040 --> 01:13:31.360
Mm hmm.

1153
01:13:32.160 --> 01:13:39.120
God is big enough, loud enough and bold enough to speak anything he wants to speak to you, Nadine.

1154
01:13:39.760 --> 01:13:44.560
Most of the times when there is a missing, if you want to call it missing,

1155
01:13:44.560 --> 01:13:47.280
there is principles that could have been overlooked.

1156
01:13:47.840 --> 01:13:48.640
Mm hmm.

1157
01:13:48.640 --> 01:13:52.720
There are boundaries or not knowing this cross, not that we heard God wrong,

1158
01:13:52.720 --> 01:13:56.480
but we hear through the lenses we see through a perspective.

1159
01:13:56.480 --> 01:13:58.400
Our heart sees a certain way.

1160
01:13:59.040 --> 01:14:05.440
And so that's why when we lean into wisdom, into principles, into order, into boundaries,

1161
01:14:05.440 --> 01:14:09.760
we set ourselves up for success because Jesus is both.

1162
01:14:09.760 --> 01:14:10.400
God is both.

1163
01:14:10.400 --> 01:14:13.920
He is the voice and the principle is not going to be apart from his word.

1164
01:14:14.960 --> 01:14:15.360
Mm hmm.

1165
01:14:16.480 --> 01:14:20.720
The Bible says no man builds a house unless he counts up the cost first.

1166
01:14:20.720 --> 01:14:22.080
Mm hmm.

1167
01:14:22.080 --> 01:14:25.360
Jesus said, before you follow me, count up the cost.

1168
01:14:25.360 --> 01:14:26.240
He is both.

1169
01:14:26.800 --> 01:14:28.960
He's not one over the other.

1170
01:14:28.960 --> 01:14:32.000
He's not going to be a prophetic word lacking his wisdom.

1171
01:14:32.880 --> 01:14:37.840
And so, Nadine, in this season, my encouragement to you would be to lean into wisdom.

1172
01:14:39.200 --> 01:14:45.360
Honor what wisdom has and don't put your bets or all your chips on, did I hear God?

1173
01:14:45.360 --> 01:14:47.680
Mm hmm.

1174
01:14:47.680 --> 01:14:49.200
That's not a good measuring.

1175
01:14:49.200 --> 01:14:50.880
That's not a good measurement to use.

1176
01:14:50.880 --> 01:14:51.840
OK.

1177
01:14:51.840 --> 01:14:52.400
I got to hear.

1178
01:14:52.400 --> 01:14:52.960
I got to hear.

1179
01:14:52.960 --> 01:14:54.000
I got to hear.

1180
01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:59.440
So up until this point, your hearing has to be filtered through fear of messing up again.

1181
01:14:59.440 --> 01:15:00.080
Mm hmm.

1182
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.840
It's hard to hear well through the filter of fear.

1183
01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:07.680
It's hard to hear well through the filter of,

1184
01:15:07.680 --> 01:15:10.840
I gotta get this right because last time I messed it up.

1185
01:15:10.840 --> 01:15:15.840
It's already, the equation is already thrown out.

1186
01:15:21.120 --> 01:15:22.560
Does that make sense?

1187
01:15:22.560 --> 01:15:23.480
Yes, ma'am, that does.

1188
01:15:23.480 --> 01:15:24.320
Thank you.

1189
01:15:24.320 --> 01:15:25.560
Yeah, you're welcome.

1190
01:15:25.560 --> 01:15:28.040
And so I want you to leave here today

1191
01:15:28.040 --> 01:15:29.320
walking in a new freedom.

1192
01:15:29.320 --> 01:15:32.160
I believe the Lord wants you to have fun.

1193
01:15:32.160 --> 01:15:34.360
He wants you to be joyful.

1194
01:15:34.360 --> 01:15:36.520
And he wants you to know that he's gonna pair you

1195
01:15:36.520 --> 01:15:37.360
with what's best.

1196
01:15:37.360 --> 01:15:39.680
And when we made decisions in the past

1197
01:15:39.680 --> 01:15:42.040
and we felt like this is what God was speaking,

1198
01:15:42.040 --> 01:15:45.360
it can somehow hunt us or taunt us

1199
01:15:45.360 --> 01:15:48.600
or have us to be supervision or overdo things

1200
01:15:48.600 --> 01:15:51.040
so that we just won't mess up again.

1201
01:15:51.040 --> 01:15:53.080
But there's no messing up in this.

1202
01:15:53.080 --> 01:15:56.240
You're in a program that is helping you,

1203
01:15:56.240 --> 01:15:58.040
filling in the gaps, in the cracks.

1204
01:15:58.040 --> 01:15:59.480
You're in community now.

1205
01:15:59.480 --> 01:16:02.040
This is how it works in the kingdom, Nadine.

1206
01:16:03.240 --> 01:16:06.360
Submit yourself to order, to structure, into principles,

1207
01:16:06.360 --> 01:16:09.880
into wisdom and into godly community.

1208
01:16:09.880 --> 01:16:11.880
The Bible says in the book of Proverbs

1209
01:16:11.880 --> 01:16:15.660
that in the council of the elders, there is safety.

1210
01:16:16.800 --> 01:16:18.920
So you can't sit in the council of the elders

1211
01:16:18.920 --> 01:16:20.120
and not have safety

1212
01:16:22.080 --> 01:16:24.400
because the elders carry wisdom

1213
01:16:25.240 --> 01:16:28.120
and knowledge and understanding.

1214
01:16:29.920 --> 01:16:32.440
And so when we're taught a lot of times, ladies,

1215
01:16:32.440 --> 01:16:35.640
this is for everybody, according to church or religion

1216
01:16:35.640 --> 01:16:37.360
or whatever you wanna call it,

1217
01:16:37.360 --> 01:16:39.960
we put so much weight on, did I hear God?

1218
01:16:39.960 --> 01:16:40.880
Did I hear God?

1219
01:16:40.880 --> 01:16:41.720
Did I hear God?

1220
01:16:41.720 --> 01:16:42.560
Did I hear God?

1221
01:16:42.560 --> 01:16:43.380
Did you hear him?

1222
01:16:43.380 --> 01:16:44.220
You didn't hear him.

1223
01:16:44.220 --> 01:16:45.200
You messed that up.

1224
01:16:45.200 --> 01:16:46.160
You didn't really hear God

1225
01:16:46.160 --> 01:16:48.840
because if you had heard God, I've heard it all.

1226
01:16:48.840 --> 01:16:49.760
I've done it all.

1227
01:16:49.760 --> 01:16:52.040
I've experienced it all, Nadine.

1228
01:16:52.040 --> 01:16:55.280
And it just does not produce well for you.

1229
01:16:55.280 --> 01:16:57.880
It actually produces fear in you.

1230
01:16:57.880 --> 01:16:59.400
Okay.

1231
01:16:59.400 --> 01:17:01.920
You're not gonna miss the father.

1232
01:17:01.920 --> 01:17:04.280
That's just like if your baby felt like,

1233
01:17:04.280 --> 01:17:06.060
I'm gonna miss mama.

1234
01:17:06.060 --> 01:17:06.900
I'm gonna miss her.

1235
01:17:06.900 --> 01:17:08.440
She's gonna say something, I'm gonna misunderstand it.

1236
01:17:08.440 --> 01:17:09.280
You're his mama.

1237
01:17:09.280 --> 01:17:10.900
You know how to speak his language.

1238
01:17:10.900 --> 01:17:13.720
You know how to help your child understand you.

1239
01:17:13.720 --> 01:17:14.960
Your child knows your voice.

1240
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:17.000
Jesus said, my sheep know my voice

1241
01:17:17.000 --> 01:17:18.760
and another they will not follow.

1242
01:17:19.680 --> 01:17:21.200
It's not a matter of hearing.

1243
01:17:21.200 --> 01:17:24.440
It's a matter of understanding how God operates.

1244
01:17:27.200 --> 01:17:28.840
He operates in wisdom.

1245
01:17:28.840 --> 01:17:31.080
He operates in counsel.

1246
01:17:32.360 --> 01:17:33.900
And you're in good counsel now.

1247
01:17:34.920 --> 01:17:36.480
And I'm sharing that with you.

1248
01:17:36.480 --> 01:17:38.720
And that's what you need.

1249
01:17:38.720 --> 01:17:40.440
I know that sounds strange to say,

1250
01:17:40.440 --> 01:17:42.280
but I have really believed

1251
01:17:42.280 --> 01:17:44.560
that this is the spirit of the Lord, Nadine.

1252
01:17:44.560 --> 01:17:45.880
Yes.

1253
01:17:45.880 --> 01:17:48.800
Today is a good day for you to be set free

1254
01:17:48.800 --> 01:17:50.800
and to actually wear the joy

1255
01:17:50.800 --> 01:17:52.520
that is even on this picture

1256
01:17:52.520 --> 01:17:55.000
that I have of you sitting in front of me.

1257
01:17:55.000 --> 01:17:56.400
There's joy to be had.

1258
01:17:56.400 --> 01:17:58.040
There's a journey to be had.

1259
01:17:58.040 --> 01:18:02.480
And the Lord is not content with you not having that journey.

1260
01:18:02.480 --> 01:18:05.160
Be free, have fun.

1261
01:18:05.160 --> 01:18:06.920
He is your protector.

1262
01:18:06.920 --> 01:18:08.520
You are God defended.

1263
01:18:08.520 --> 01:18:10.800
And the only way you can be God defended,

1264
01:18:10.800 --> 01:18:13.760
if you stop defending yourself.

1265
01:18:13.760 --> 01:18:15.480
Ladies, this is the truth.

1266
01:18:15.480 --> 01:18:18.080
I tried so hard to grasp what Jackie meant

1267
01:18:18.080 --> 01:18:19.000
about God defended.

1268
01:18:19.000 --> 01:18:20.480
And we throw it out so much.

1269
01:18:20.480 --> 01:18:21.400
You're God defended.

1270
01:18:21.400 --> 01:18:22.840
Don't worry, you're God defended.

1271
01:18:22.840 --> 01:18:23.680
You're God defended.

1272
01:18:23.680 --> 01:18:24.500
You're God defended.

1273
01:18:24.500 --> 01:18:28.100
It is hard to be God defended when you are you defended.

1274
01:18:29.080 --> 01:18:31.340
And you're not gonna get it right every time.

1275
01:18:31.340 --> 01:18:33.520
You're gonna say, okay, I'm not being me defended.

1276
01:18:33.520 --> 01:18:34.880
I'm gonna put it down.

1277
01:18:34.880 --> 01:18:35.960
And you pick it right back up

1278
01:18:35.960 --> 01:18:38.440
because that's the only way you know how to be.

1279
01:18:38.440 --> 01:18:40.360
And that's okay.

1280
01:18:40.360 --> 01:18:43.160
You're learning how to be God defended.

1281
01:18:43.160 --> 01:18:46.600
So every opportunity you get that you can lay down

1282
01:18:46.600 --> 01:18:48.960
the shield, lay it down with quickness.

1283
01:18:50.360 --> 01:18:52.520
I don't care how small it is.

1284
01:18:52.520 --> 01:18:54.900
It's what we practice in the small things.

1285
01:18:54.900 --> 01:18:56.920
You know, in the book of Job, the Bible says,

1286
01:18:56.920 --> 01:19:00.280
don't despise the day of small beginnings.

1287
01:19:00.280 --> 01:19:02.280
Start with small beginning, lady.

1288
01:19:02.280 --> 01:19:05.360
Lay down the shield every chance you get

1289
01:19:05.360 --> 01:19:09.400
because it is going to prove to work best for you

1290
01:19:09.400 --> 01:19:12.440
when it's time to lay down the shield in big things.

1291
01:19:12.440 --> 01:19:15.160
And that's how you grow in being God defended.

1292
01:19:15.160 --> 01:19:17.420
You cannot just say it and do it.

1293
01:19:18.400 --> 01:19:21.040
It frustrated me so much in this program

1294
01:19:21.040 --> 01:19:23.880
that I could not get this God defended thing right.

1295
01:19:24.900 --> 01:19:28.840
But when I learned that I grow in being God defended,

1296
01:19:28.840 --> 01:19:30.620
it became so much easier.

1297
01:19:31.760 --> 01:19:34.240
And Nadine, this is your journey to growing

1298
01:19:34.240 --> 01:19:36.020
in being God defended.

1299
01:19:36.020 --> 01:19:38.440
That if you will submit yourself to order,

1300
01:19:38.440 --> 01:19:40.780
to principles and to boundaries,

1301
01:19:40.780 --> 01:19:42.740
this mess of stuff you're talking about

1302
01:19:42.740 --> 01:19:44.420
is not gonna happen.

1303
01:19:44.420 --> 01:19:47.220
And it's not gonna not happen because you're perfect.

1304
01:19:47.220 --> 01:19:50.020
It's gonna not happen because you're gonna guard your heart

1305
01:19:50.020 --> 01:19:53.340
with all diligence, submitting to the order of God,

1306
01:19:53.340 --> 01:19:55.740
submitting to the order of the guidelines

1307
01:19:55.740 --> 01:19:57.100
that guardrails your heart.

1308
01:19:57.100 --> 01:20:00.100
These guardrails that you have, that jacket has given to us.

1309
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.260
Are you following me?

1310
01:20:01.260 --> 01:20:02.100
Yes, ma'am.

1311
01:20:02.100 --> 01:20:04.060
You don't have to live in a fantasy, Nadine.

1312
01:20:04.060 --> 01:20:06.240
You don't have to hope for some fantasy.

1313
01:20:07.540 --> 01:20:08.980
God is not in fantasies.

1314
01:20:08.980 --> 01:20:10.460
He may be a God of sudden leaves,

1315
01:20:10.460 --> 01:20:12.940
but sudden leaves just aren't that suddenly.

1316
01:20:12.940 --> 01:20:14.760
You've been there before suddenly.

1317
01:20:15.920 --> 01:20:16.980
Amen.

1318
01:20:16.980 --> 01:20:17.820
Right?

1319
01:20:17.820 --> 01:20:20.540
Fantasies come from a place of fear

1320
01:20:20.540 --> 01:20:22.540
and we don't have those places here.

1321
01:20:23.400 --> 01:20:24.240
Yeah.

1322
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:26.660
We have sudden leaves that aren't so suddenly.

1323
01:20:26.660 --> 01:20:28.500
We have sudden leaves that come to women

1324
01:20:28.500 --> 01:20:30.540
who God says it's time,

1325
01:20:31.580 --> 01:20:34.200
that she has reached the capacity,

1326
01:20:34.200 --> 01:20:37.060
that she is where she's gonna be.

1327
01:20:37.060 --> 01:20:41.580
It's the point the roles have met together, right?

1328
01:20:41.580 --> 01:20:43.940
Not that you worked so hard to get there.

1329
01:20:43.940 --> 01:20:47.400
That's the suddenly of heaven, not the fantasy of heaven.

1330
01:20:49.060 --> 01:20:52.140
So every one of you ladies, when your suddenly happens,

1331
01:20:52.140 --> 01:20:54.020
it won't be so suddenly.

1332
01:20:54.020 --> 01:20:55.300
The reason why it's a suddenly

1333
01:20:55.300 --> 01:20:56.860
because one day you know your husband

1334
01:20:56.860 --> 01:20:58.700
and the one day you didn't know your husband

1335
01:20:58.700 --> 01:21:00.140
and the next day you do.

1336
01:21:00.140 --> 01:21:03.060
One minute you didn't know him and the next minute you do.

1337
01:21:05.380 --> 01:21:09.100
And you've invested in yourself for the suddenly.

1338
01:21:09.100 --> 01:21:11.540
And so expect your suddenly,

1339
01:21:11.540 --> 01:21:13.340
cause it's on the way.

1340
01:21:13.340 --> 01:21:16.580
One second you didn't know the man and now you do.

1341
01:21:16.580 --> 01:21:19.180
Okay, Nadine, I hope that helps.

1342
01:21:19.180 --> 01:21:21.460
And I wanna, in another week,

1343
01:21:21.460 --> 01:21:23.980
I believe that you're gonna experience more breakthrough

1344
01:21:23.980 --> 01:21:25.800
than you have in a long time.

1345
01:21:25.800 --> 01:21:27.400
You're gonna see some places in your heart

1346
01:21:27.400 --> 01:21:30.380
are gonna be much freer than you ever expected.

1347
01:21:31.320 --> 01:21:32.780
Thank you.

1348
01:21:32.780 --> 01:21:34.000
You're welcome.

1349
01:21:34.000 --> 01:21:35.040
Did I answer your question?

1350
01:21:35.040 --> 01:21:36.320
I hope so.

1351
01:21:36.320 --> 01:21:37.160
Yes, Bim.

1352
01:21:38.680 --> 01:21:40.280
All right, there was a question

1353
01:21:40.280 --> 01:21:42.680
cause I don't see any more hands right now,

1354
01:21:42.680 --> 01:21:44.140
but there was a question in the chat

1355
01:21:44.140 --> 01:21:45.720
that I wanna respond to.

1356
01:21:45.720 --> 01:21:50.280
And it was from someone who's in school right now

1357
01:21:50.280 --> 01:21:51.540
and it's Kathleen.

1358
01:21:51.540 --> 01:21:52.520
And what you said is,

1359
01:21:52.520 --> 01:21:54.900
you keep wondering if now's the time for you to date

1360
01:21:54.940 --> 01:21:57.340
because you are in your master's program

1361
01:21:57.340 --> 01:21:59.860
and in the process of writing a book.

1362
01:21:59.860 --> 01:22:01.180
And she says, I started to think

1363
01:22:01.180 --> 01:22:03.780
maybe I should wait till I'm done with this big project

1364
01:22:03.780 --> 01:22:06.300
and not spend time or money on it yet.

1365
01:22:06.300 --> 01:22:10.620
I wonder about how it would fit in kids and my schedule.

1366
01:22:10.620 --> 01:22:12.900
And so what I think you're saying to me, Kathleen,

1367
01:22:12.900 --> 01:22:14.220
is that you're in school right now.

1368
01:22:14.220 --> 01:22:15.260
You're also writing a book.

1369
01:22:15.260 --> 01:22:16.380
You're working on your master's

1370
01:22:16.380 --> 01:22:18.400
and sounds like you have children.

1371
01:22:19.420 --> 01:22:20.260
Is that right?

1372
01:22:20.260 --> 01:22:21.340
Are you a mother also?

1373
01:22:22.340 --> 01:22:26.460
Are you still on or no?

1374
01:22:26.460 --> 01:22:27.820
No, maybe not.

1375
01:22:31.380 --> 01:22:35.300
All right, so I'll wait till she posts to respond to that.

1376
01:22:35.300 --> 01:22:37.260
Unless somebody here had questions

1377
01:22:37.260 --> 01:22:38.300
about something like that,

1378
01:22:38.300 --> 01:22:41.220
I can go in greater detail on your behalf.

1379
01:22:41.220 --> 01:22:43.500
But if not, we will say that.

1380
01:22:44.620 --> 01:22:45.980
If you have any more questions,

1381
01:22:45.980 --> 01:22:47.660
go ahead and gather them now.

1382
01:22:47.660 --> 01:22:50.620
We're gonna do for our next activation,

1383
01:22:50.620 --> 01:22:54.540
we're going to, I'm gonna find,

1384
01:22:54.540 --> 01:22:58.740
it's called Sister Matchmaker Plus Meet Me.

1385
01:22:58.740 --> 01:23:00.220
And a lot of you ladies have done this,

1386
01:23:00.220 --> 01:23:01.100
but a lot of you ladies

1387
01:23:01.100 --> 01:23:02.900
haven't had an opportunity to do that.

1388
01:23:02.900 --> 01:23:04.820
We wanna meet you as a community.

1389
01:23:04.820 --> 01:23:06.180
So we want you to get your best picture,

1390
01:23:06.180 --> 01:23:07.700
even if you've done it before.

1391
01:23:07.700 --> 01:23:10.100
Get a new color shirt, get a new hair color,

1392
01:23:10.100 --> 01:23:12.380
do something special, spruce yourself up,

1393
01:23:12.380 --> 01:23:14.660
take a picture and let us meet you.

1394
01:23:14.660 --> 01:23:16.920
I want you guys to tell us where you live,

1395
01:23:16.920 --> 01:23:19.100
tell all of us a few fun facts about yourself.

1396
01:23:19.100 --> 01:23:21.700
You remember I said that in dating,

1397
01:23:21.700 --> 01:23:23.880
that people are attracted to joy.

1398
01:23:23.880 --> 01:23:26.180
They're attracted to the wonderful good things about you

1399
01:23:26.180 --> 01:23:28.220
that you reserve because you're afraid

1400
01:23:28.220 --> 01:23:29.540
to show your true self.

1401
01:23:29.540 --> 01:23:31.620
Show your true self to us.

1402
01:23:31.620 --> 01:23:34.900
This is gonna be your activation to showing up as you.

1403
01:23:34.900 --> 01:23:37.860
The you that we all want to meet and know, okay?

1404
01:23:37.860 --> 01:23:39.980
And so what you're gonna do is also tell us

1405
01:23:39.980 --> 01:23:42.820
when you post where you live,

1406
01:23:42.820 --> 01:23:45.280
tell us if you're willing to relocate, right?

1407
01:23:46.160 --> 01:23:49.880
You want us to give us a glimpse into your world

1408
01:23:49.880 --> 01:23:52.480
of all the fun that you are.

1409
01:23:52.480 --> 01:23:55.320
I want you to think about how your friends would describe you

1410
01:23:55.320 --> 01:23:56.960
would they say you're funny?

1411
01:23:56.960 --> 01:23:58.720
Would they say you're lighthearted?

1412
01:23:58.720 --> 01:24:02.720
Would they say that you are what they call a person

1413
01:24:02.720 --> 01:24:06.120
like a life of the party?

1414
01:24:06.120 --> 01:24:08.320
Would they say you're a deep thinker?

1415
01:24:08.320 --> 01:24:09.940
What would they say about you?

1416
01:24:10.900 --> 01:24:15.900
Tell us about some of your just things that you value most,

1417
01:24:16.100 --> 01:24:17.500
things that you're passionate about.

1418
01:24:17.500 --> 01:24:19.220
Tell us something that you could do all day

1419
01:24:19.220 --> 01:24:22.060
and never get tired, right?

1420
01:24:22.060 --> 01:24:25.260
If you could right now not have any other responsibilities

1421
01:24:25.260 --> 01:24:27.260
and do this one thing, what would it be?

1422
01:24:28.260 --> 01:24:32.100
And then as you post, your sisters are gonna come along

1423
01:24:32.100 --> 01:24:34.940
and say nice things about the picture you posted.

1424
01:24:34.940 --> 01:24:37.280
They're gonna say nice to meet you.

1425
01:24:37.280 --> 01:24:39.260
They're gonna ask questions of you

1426
01:24:39.300 --> 01:24:40.540
and you're gonna do the same thing

1427
01:24:40.540 --> 01:24:42.860
for other people that post.

1428
01:24:44.260 --> 01:24:46.180
So engage with kindness and encouragement,

1429
01:24:46.180 --> 01:24:50.500
compliment something specific, speak life and affirmation

1430
01:24:50.500 --> 01:24:53.440
and pray over what you read, right?

1431
01:24:53.440 --> 01:24:56.100
Give encouragement, say something like,

1432
01:24:56.100 --> 01:24:58.220
give meaningful feedback.

1433
01:24:58.220 --> 01:24:59.660
And look, this is no pressure.

1434
01:24:59.660 --> 01:25:00.500
There's no.

1435
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:07.280
forcing just love led connection right any encouragement that you want to give

1436
01:25:07.280 --> 01:25:13.800
and use the sermon and be open to this question do I know someone who might be

1437
01:25:13.800 --> 01:25:20.480
a great fit for her when you look at her do I know someone who may be a great fit

1438
01:25:20.480 --> 01:25:27.140
for her all right um I just want to remind you guys that this is a safe

1439
01:25:27.140 --> 01:25:36.220
space this space is here to help you grow we want to champion each other we

1440
01:25:36.220 --> 01:25:41.060
want to protect one another's hearts and we believe that God moves through

1441
01:25:41.060 --> 01:25:47.300
community so that means he's going to move through all of us here do we have

1442
01:25:47.300 --> 01:25:50.580
any questions about that

1443
01:25:51.340 --> 01:25:56.660
based on the things that we've shared today do you have any questions in

1444
01:25:56.660 --> 01:26:13.420
general I want you to feel free to ask them go for hey hey are you shocked to

1445
01:26:13.420 --> 01:26:25.860
see me I am okay good no not at all I am I like both of you but um anyway

1446
01:26:26.860 --> 01:26:42.500
my hair okay okay go for it but I just have a basic question so I have a

1447
01:26:42.500 --> 01:26:48.500
friend that was also signed up for last year single somehow something got messed

1448
01:26:48.500 --> 01:26:53.580
up with her I don't know her membership and she never just like called to fix it

1449
01:26:53.580 --> 01:26:58.540
but she's dating someone she's dating a very godly man but she's kind of doing

1450
01:26:58.540 --> 01:27:03.780
everything that you guys advise against you know like no pacing like he's

1451
01:27:03.780 --> 01:27:07.020
constantly texting her these long paragraphs and like wants to read the

1452
01:27:07.020 --> 01:27:11.860
word with her and pray together and like spend all their time together do I say

1453
01:27:11.860 --> 01:27:19.740
anything or just like I do have concern for her but you know um if you have that

1454
01:27:19.860 --> 01:27:26.380
relationship you can say something usually if she's a learner you can say

1455
01:27:26.380 --> 01:27:30.780
something if you know her heart and you know that she wants to do things well

1456
01:27:30.780 --> 01:27:34.260
you can say something you know ladies this is a thing and it's really true

1457
01:27:34.260 --> 01:27:37.660
when somebody takes you those long messages when you read the Bible with

1458
01:27:37.660 --> 01:27:42.740
someone you talk about these things it actually feels really good it's fun it

1459
01:27:42.740 --> 01:27:46.060
feels like the thing that you've waited for is happening right in front of you

1460
01:27:46.060 --> 01:27:50.700
it feels so magical like I mean you get out the butterflies in your stomach and

1461
01:27:50.700 --> 01:27:56.060
what you know now Susan this for everybody in group you've learned how

1462
01:27:56.060 --> 01:28:01.420
you develop healthy relationships and so the only thing that she's doing is using

1463
01:28:01.420 --> 01:28:05.940
another route to develop a relationship which could increase the pacing of

1464
01:28:05.940 --> 01:28:10.900
something which can cause her to make decisions that won't serve her best she

1465
01:28:10.900 --> 01:28:14.540
can also continue in the way that she's going and she could end up at the altar

1466
01:28:14.540 --> 01:28:18.820
marrying him but it still doesn't make the process that she used the best way

1467
01:28:18.820 --> 01:28:22.460
to do it because this time could have been well spent understanding some

1468
01:28:22.460 --> 01:28:26.220
things that will happen within the marriage or help her understand that

1469
01:28:26.220 --> 01:28:31.860
person more so I've watched people do things their way do things a ungodly way

1470
01:28:31.860 --> 01:28:35.460
or unkingdom minded way they may live together first they may have been dating

1471
01:28:35.460 --> 01:28:38.980
for a year living together for a year and then they decide oh we're gonna up

1472
01:28:38.980 --> 01:28:43.420
and get married it doesn't matter so those things are real and sometimes we

1473
01:28:43.420 --> 01:28:48.060
believe when they have this outcome and now they're married that everything is

1474
01:28:48.060 --> 01:28:53.660
perfect because we believe somehow that marriage makes things perfect because

1475
01:28:53.660 --> 01:28:58.180
that's the goal but it doesn't mean that they have the healthiest marriage it

1476
01:28:58.180 --> 01:29:01.860
doesn't mean that some areas are gonna be super hard because they didn't they

1477
01:29:01.860 --> 01:29:05.300
didn't deal with that when they were sitting on the phone talking about the

1478
01:29:05.300 --> 01:29:12.700
Bible together are you tracking what I'm saying Susan I am yeah yeah and I just

1479
01:29:12.700 --> 01:29:15.820
want to use that to sell that because I'm watching how you watch people get

1480
01:29:15.820 --> 01:29:18.620
married you'll be like I'm doing all this work Lord and they just up and get

1481
01:29:18.620 --> 01:29:22.580
married ain't even do it the right way and I'm doing the right way I should be

1482
01:29:22.580 --> 01:29:28.580
rewarded for doing it the right way and that's just not how that pans out God is

1483
01:29:28.580 --> 01:29:32.500
not I want to say that because we believe that we're doing the right way

1484
01:29:32.500 --> 01:29:36.660
and why aren't I married we'll that mindset is attached that God is

1485
01:29:36.660 --> 01:29:45.060
withholding something from me and that issue follow me when we learn the skill

1486
01:29:45.060 --> 01:29:50.540
of dating when we learn to develop healthy relationships that pays off for

1487
01:29:50.540 --> 01:29:55.220
us as an individual this has nothing to do with God owes you something or he's

1488
01:29:55.220 --> 01:29:59.420
withholding something from you if you refrain from having sex that's a reward

1489
01:29:59.420 --> 01:30:02.140
with any

1490
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.200
itself, that you're not passing out your worth like a piece of meat on a table.

1491
01:30:05.840 --> 01:30:12.320
That's the reward. You get dignity. You keep your honor. You keep your self-respect. There's only

1492
01:30:12.320 --> 01:30:17.360
two kingdoms in the world, the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of God. In his kingdom, there's

1493
01:30:17.360 --> 01:30:23.680
order. In his kingdom, there are principles that we live by that produce the best life for us.

1494
01:30:23.680 --> 01:30:31.600
And so when we cross those two things over, we then also, by default, have to accept the concept

1495
01:30:31.600 --> 01:30:36.640
that God is withholding good from us. And the Bible says that there is no good thing he will

1496
01:30:36.640 --> 01:30:42.080
withhold from us. And so I know this isn't exactly what you're saying, but I'm so glad

1497
01:30:42.080 --> 01:30:48.880
that I'm able to tag this on in this way, Susan, because it's a real thing. We make assumptions

1498
01:30:48.880 --> 01:30:53.200
and people think because it feels good and it's going good that this is so good, but you're

1499
01:30:53.200 --> 01:30:58.560
missing things that you could be capitalizing on. You're missing parts of their character that

1500
01:30:58.560 --> 01:31:02.400
you're not able to see. It doesn't make them a bad person, but this could have got ironed out

1501
01:31:02.400 --> 01:31:08.000
before I do. Because on the other side, there's an expectation for somebody to show up as a wife

1502
01:31:08.000 --> 01:31:11.920
and someone to show up as a husband, and you didn't even realize they weren't equipped to show

1503
01:31:11.920 --> 01:31:16.400
up in particular ways. You could have accepted that they weren't equipped and know a plan to deal

1504
01:31:16.400 --> 01:31:21.840
with it, but you bypassed that time when you were dating to do that type of stuff. And so now you

1505
01:31:21.840 --> 01:31:27.920
got to deal with it on the other side. And yeah, so let me go back to your question. Another thought

1506
01:31:27.920 --> 01:31:32.960
too, just want to throw that in there. Another thing just to tap on in that is this, Susan,

1507
01:31:32.960 --> 01:31:40.640
when she comes to you, you'll find a way to incorporate things, right? And so you need a

1508
01:31:40.640 --> 01:31:45.840
seat at the table. You want to keep your seat at the table. So when something falls apart and she

1509
01:31:45.840 --> 01:31:50.960
comes, then you get a seat at the table and you get to share wisdom. And wisdom may look like,

1510
01:31:50.960 --> 01:31:56.320
okay, well, okay, this has happened, this happened. You know, like I just did with Gail.

1511
01:31:56.320 --> 01:32:00.400
Okay. How long have y'all been chatting? Okay. Oh, it probably went pretty fast. Don't you think

1512
01:32:00.960 --> 01:32:07.680
every day? So then you start gathering, showing her, letting her see the error instead of

1513
01:32:07.680 --> 01:32:12.160
picking out the error and giving wisdom because she's come to you for that wisdom.

1514
01:32:12.960 --> 01:32:19.760
Right. When you're chatting, you can say, well, I do this this way because, right? Yeah.

1515
01:32:22.000 --> 01:32:26.960
Yeah. Is that possible? Yeah. That's, that's helpful. Yeah. I mean, we're pretty close. So,

1516
01:32:26.960 --> 01:32:31.920
and I feel like she's open. I mean, he wants to do everything right. Like he's, you know,

1517
01:32:31.920 --> 01:32:37.280
respects purity and all that. I just, I don't know. It's happening so fast. So,

1518
01:32:37.520 --> 01:32:42.800
Yes. Just because somebody wants to do something right. Doesn't mean they know how to date.

1519
01:32:42.800 --> 01:32:45.840
Remember I just, oh, you weren't here early on dating is a skill.

1520
01:32:47.120 --> 01:32:52.080
And so you can be lover of Jesus, all things well, but not know how to date. Well,

1521
01:32:53.280 --> 01:32:56.320
just because you love Jesus don't mean you're going to have a wonderful marriage.

1522
01:32:57.120 --> 01:33:01.200
Just because you love Jesus. I mean, you know how to communicate just because you love Jesus. Don't

1523
01:33:01.200 --> 01:33:05.360
mean you're not going to bring into the marriage, which your family gave you because you don't have

1524
01:33:05.360 --> 01:33:09.360
anything else to give. So of course you're going to bring the brokenness that you learned from your

1525
01:33:09.360 --> 01:33:15.520
mom and dad. What else you get? So just because you are these things in Jesus and you didn't have

1526
01:33:15.520 --> 01:33:20.400
sex before you got married, doesn't mean you know how to develop a healthy relationship with a

1527
01:33:20.400 --> 01:33:26.480
person. And so when we have knowledge and when we have wisdom and when we have understanding what

1528
01:33:26.480 --> 01:33:31.280
you ladies carry, you will see that you will get the greatest bang for your book.

1529
01:33:31.920 --> 01:33:36.960
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys have, oh, sorry to interrupt you. Yeah. Go for it.

1530
01:33:36.960 --> 01:33:40.880
Do you guys have like advisement as far as like taking trips together? Cause like they,

1531
01:33:42.480 --> 01:33:46.880
they just took a four day trip together. Like he's just spending a lot on her and taking her to,

1532
01:33:46.880 --> 01:33:52.720
you know, these really fancy places and buying her massages and all these things. Yeah.

1533
01:33:54.320 --> 01:33:58.240
As you guys have an opinion on like how long you should wait to do something like that. And then

1534
01:33:58.240 --> 01:34:04.000
also just, he, he's, she said that he like cries and like, I never thought someone like you would

1535
01:34:04.000 --> 01:34:12.240
be interested in me. And yeah, I don't know. I would be turned off by that. Cause I feel like

1536
01:34:12.240 --> 01:34:17.280
that says like you have low self-esteem, but everyone's different. I was just like, oh, well,

1537
01:34:17.280 --> 01:34:24.160
you don't, don't think much of yourself. Well, what it is, I don't know the dynamics of them

1538
01:34:25.040 --> 01:34:30.560
and that may be his way of attaching. He could be an anxious attacher. Um, he could be,

1539
01:34:30.560 --> 01:34:33.760
he could be love bumming her. He could be giving her all the words she like,

1540
01:34:33.760 --> 01:34:38.640
and he could be doing unintentionally. I, I, I can ease, I can easily be a love bummer

1541
01:34:39.760 --> 01:34:43.840
because I'm a cheerleader. That's just the truth about who I am. But because I understand

1542
01:34:43.840 --> 01:34:49.200
that I keep giving this is producing something that's unhealthy and do know if you're going to

1543
01:34:49.440 --> 01:34:54.240
take a trip with a person, it will probably be of your best interest to get separate rooms.

1544
01:34:55.280 --> 01:34:58.320
Right. And taking a four day trip will save you money.

1545
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.520
somebody really early, spending large amounts of money, it's just not what happens is,

1546
01:35:05.520 --> 01:35:10.160
and I'm going to say this as quickly as I can. What happens when you do things like this is

1547
01:35:10.160 --> 01:35:15.200
the pacing, it speeds things up, it puts you in future places. So no doubt, she's already

1548
01:35:15.200 --> 01:35:19.120
planning what the future is going to be like. Oh, we're going to be this and we're going to be that

1549
01:35:19.120 --> 01:35:22.560
and this is going to be great and this is going to be that. And you don't even have the grace for

1550
01:35:22.560 --> 01:35:27.600
the future. You need grace for where you are. You need wisdom for where you are. You don't have

1551
01:35:27.600 --> 01:35:32.000
wisdom for the future. And so when you take a four-day trip with someone, and let's say I stay

1552
01:35:32.000 --> 01:35:37.760
in this room, you stay in that room, and it's very early on, you're still increasing. The pace is

1553
01:35:37.760 --> 01:35:42.560
getting so fast that you're not able to evaluate things with wisdom and you've already made some

1554
01:35:42.560 --> 01:35:47.200
decisions. And so I would say, I'm going to take a trip with someone, a four-day trip with someone,

1555
01:35:47.200 --> 01:35:52.560
and you're like, you've been knowing them for about three months. And then if you're talking

1556
01:35:52.560 --> 01:35:57.680
about what would be suggested for me, then I think you should do it in a group. I think you

1557
01:35:57.680 --> 01:36:03.280
should pick a group to do this with. I think that there are ways that they can be done well, but

1558
01:36:04.960 --> 01:36:09.680
people make decisions about how they want to do something. People make decisions about fantasies

1559
01:36:09.680 --> 01:36:17.200
that they want to fulfill in their life. We can do that as a woman and it feels good, right? And

1560
01:36:17.200 --> 01:36:21.440
it's so wonderful because it's everything you wanted. And so we just have to be mindful of

1561
01:36:21.440 --> 01:36:28.400
those things and we have to submit ourself to order and wisdom and principles and godly counsel.

1562
01:36:30.240 --> 01:36:33.920
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's already making his plans for the summer for them to go

1563
01:36:33.920 --> 01:36:37.680
away almost every weekend she's off. And I'm like, I'm losing my best friend.

1564
01:36:38.400 --> 01:36:43.120
But I'm happy for her if that's, you know, but it just seems like he's going so fast and like

1565
01:36:43.120 --> 01:36:46.480
already making all the plans. And how long have they been knowing each other?

1566
01:36:46.480 --> 01:36:49.920
We just met him. Her and I went to like a volleyball group through church,

1567
01:36:49.920 --> 01:36:54.400
like I think in November, I think he went into her DMS on Instagram in December.

1568
01:36:55.120 --> 01:37:01.200
And then I, they probably around January, maybe they started like talking a lot. And then I think

1569
01:37:01.200 --> 01:37:07.360
she just went exclusive with him recently. Yeah. And so it's fast. And so you can be

1570
01:37:07.360 --> 01:37:16.240
prepared for when she comes for help. Yeah. Yep. And it'll come. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

1571
01:37:16.960 --> 01:37:20.080
You're welcome. Can I ask you one more 30 second question?

1572
01:37:21.200 --> 01:37:25.360
Yeah. Okay. Okay. So if you're talking to someone just on the dating apps,

1573
01:37:25.920 --> 01:37:32.000
do you and you're not feeling the conversation, like, I don't, I don't go back and forth long,

1574
01:37:32.000 --> 01:37:35.120
I go back and forth, like three times, and then I get to a phone call. But

1575
01:37:36.560 --> 01:37:42.160
the guy I matched with every single thing that he said was negative, and how he hates living here,

1576
01:37:42.160 --> 01:37:47.120
and he just hates it. And, like, his grammar was just bad. And I was just turned off.

1577
01:37:47.120 --> 01:37:51.840
Do you just like unmatch? Because I feel like I'm being so like, rude. Like, I ended up saying,

1578
01:37:51.840 --> 01:37:54.880
like, well, it sounds like you don't like it here. And you're planning to move soon. I don't think

1579
01:37:54.880 --> 01:38:01.040
we're a match. I wish you best and who God has for you. And then yeah, okay. Because I didn't

1580
01:38:01.040 --> 01:38:06.480
know if you just owe them that or just unmatch it. But it just feels like I try to be polite.

1581
01:38:06.480 --> 01:38:10.880
But then it's like, it's funny, because then he didn't say anything back, which is fine. I kind

1582
01:38:10.880 --> 01:38:16.320
of expected that. But like, I'm just I was like, a little bit irritated. Like, wow, you're rude.

1583
01:38:16.320 --> 01:38:18.720
Like, I wish you something nice, you could have said the same back.

1584
01:38:19.840 --> 01:38:24.880
I think you can just unmatch. But I also believe that every opportunity you get to

1585
01:38:24.880 --> 01:38:29.760
advocate and express your voice and to operate and take authority for your own

1586
01:38:30.800 --> 01:38:35.440
whereabouts and dating is really good for you. And it builds empowerment in you so that when

1587
01:38:35.440 --> 01:38:39.360
the next person that comes along, that's even harder to say something to you can say it because

1588
01:38:39.360 --> 01:38:44.720
you've practiced saying what's needed to be said. So when the one comes along that you really like,

1589
01:38:44.720 --> 01:38:50.160
but you see that he is not based on his fruit going to serve you best, you can then have that

1590
01:38:50.160 --> 01:38:57.360
same hard conversation because you did it with the easier ones. Right? And this expectation of how

1591
01:38:57.360 --> 01:39:03.440
someone responds, you know, people get to respond for who they are. And the more you give them space

1592
01:39:03.440 --> 01:39:08.000
to show up as they are, the more you give yourself space to show up as who you are, Susan.

1593
01:39:10.080 --> 01:39:18.160
Mm hmm. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Hey, Cynthia, we got one minute. I know.

1594
01:39:19.600 --> 01:39:27.120
Probably, I was just thinking, I haven't gotten on a dating app yet. I do appreciate you tweaking my

1595
01:39:28.320 --> 01:39:36.000
dating profile. I really shrunk it a whole lot. So and I think I did have some of those requirements

1596
01:39:36.000 --> 01:39:43.120
in there, like you said, so thank you. Thank you. I did catch that. But I think maybe this

1597
01:39:43.120 --> 01:39:51.040
might be a question to everybody. What do you think it, you know, I guess my question is,

1598
01:39:51.040 --> 01:39:59.280
what are the best dating apps or should I do like one paid and one free dating site or anybody have

1599
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.080
you know, successful. Yeah, that's a good question, Cynthia. I'm gonna do this, we do this at 8 p.m.

1600
01:40:06.080 --> 01:40:11.680
Ladies, will you put in the chat so that the names can pop up, she can see them?

1601
01:40:11.680 --> 01:40:16.640
What good, somebody said they just google the ones that are good in their area,

1602
01:40:16.640 --> 01:40:22.480
but what apps you've had success with? And Ms. Cynthia, how old are you?

1603
01:40:23.440 --> 01:40:29.280
We'll be 65 this year. Ms. Cynthia will be 65 this year, so all ladies respond,

1604
01:40:29.280 --> 01:40:36.000
but specifically, also if you know 65 and older or 60 and 50, you know, more seasoned,

1605
01:40:36.000 --> 01:40:39.920
what apps have you found to be successful as well because that could make a difference?

1606
01:40:41.360 --> 01:40:48.080
Thank you, thank you. Of course, so you see they're coming in upward, holy and arc, okay.

1607
01:40:53.200 --> 01:40:59.440
Because, I mean, I was, I was thinking in terms of, what is it, match.com.

1608
01:41:01.360 --> 01:41:05.680
I think match.com is, is match.com free? I don't think they're free.

1609
01:41:08.080 --> 01:41:12.560
But then you have to pay. I'm not a fan of match.com. I didn't have much success with it.

1610
01:41:12.560 --> 01:41:17.120
I've always had success with Facebook dating. I like Facebook dating because there's people

1611
01:41:17.120 --> 01:41:22.240
that I know in the area. Okay. That's what I like about Facebook dating, and it's free,

1612
01:41:22.240 --> 01:41:26.960
and it shows you who you're friends with, that they're also friends with, and so that's why I

1613
01:41:26.960 --> 01:41:33.040
enjoy it. Okay, so I want Facebook dating, and that's free. Okay, I just knew, oh, I think maybe

1614
01:41:33.040 --> 01:41:41.280
one paid one to kind of look at. I know I haven't had issues. I mean, I, well, I, I haven't had much

1615
01:41:41.280 --> 01:41:48.960
success with, what is it, eHarmony or something? So let's try Facebook dating. It's free. Okay.

1616
01:41:49.840 --> 01:41:52.000
Let's just stick with that before you pay for something.

1617
01:41:53.760 --> 01:41:56.880
Okay, Michelle says she's been on Facebook dating.

1618
01:41:56.880 --> 01:42:00.240
I would encourage Facebook dating because it's free, and it's,

1619
01:42:00.240 --> 01:42:04.240
it's, you know, well organized, and let's see what happens from there.

1620
01:42:06.960 --> 01:42:10.720
Yeah, when you first get on there, you should get a good bit. It goes by the algorithm,

1621
01:42:10.720 --> 01:42:16.560
so we'll see. Okay, Carla says she's second Facebook dating. I think she spied in on us,

1622
01:42:16.560 --> 01:42:27.440
so she wouldn't share me with you all. But ladies, it has been great. I hope that you guys

1623
01:42:28.000 --> 01:42:33.920
have enjoyed today's session. I want you to remember, if nothing else, that dating is a skill,

1624
01:42:34.560 --> 01:42:39.600
and it's a skill that we use in, it's a, it's a, it's, dating, we use this in your,

1625
01:42:39.600 --> 01:42:45.200
in this program to help develop you, to help grow you. It is not to find your husband,

1626
01:42:45.200 --> 01:42:50.960
but it's helped to bring capacity and to weed out things that are happening on the inside of you.

1627
01:42:50.960 --> 01:43:00.240
Yeah. So, all right. Well, I hope you, I'm going to post the, post the activation. It has been a

1628
01:43:00.240 --> 01:43:07.280
pleasure. Thank you, Carla, for letting me slide in at, at, at noontime with the ladies. All right.

1629
01:43:07.280 --> 01:43:11.040
Have a great day.