WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. It is Tuesday. This is Love Story Accelerator. It is March

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10th. You got me here today, this evening. It is Karla Johnson here. Ebony and I did

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a little flip-flop, okay? So I am here to lead you tonight, but don't worry. She'll

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be back next week for the 8 o'clock, but it's good to be here. I don't typically get to

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come on this call, so I do like to see all these faces that I don't typically get to

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see, so it's really, really good to be here. But for those ladies that do not know me,

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I am Karla Johnson. I am a success story here at Last Year Single, and I have been coaching

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with this program now for, gosh, like over two years now. But I actually came into this

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program as one of you all. I was single. I, you know, joined Jackie in the very, very

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beginning in 2020, and I walked through this process. I went through the roller coaster

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ride just like y'all are going on to, but I gained so much wisdom, so much knowledge,

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so much more than just the husband, y'all. And I'm still, like, fitting in the harvest

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of what heart work really, truly does. So I hope that will give you ladies encouragement

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to know, like, you know, you are here for a divine appointment, and the love story and

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the husband is just like the cherry on top. Like, it doesn't stop there, okay? So you're

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going to get so much more than you thought you were going to get. And, you know, some

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of us might have to wait a little longer, but it's okay. It took me a little while,

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all right? But, you know, some of us, I just needed a little bit more preparation because

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I was a little bit more stubborn, all right? That's just my personality. But you know what?

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Everyone's love story has, you know, something unique about it, and it's just good. So I

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love that I get to still hang in for the ride, even though, like I said, I am married now.

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I'm very thankful to Jackie that she did not kick me into the car, if you will. And luckily

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now she does have, she's starting to incorporate things for couples. And so my husband and

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I just recently got to participate in the launching of the Heartwork for Couples. And

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so that was incredible, and we're still, like, gleaning stuff from that. And so that's something

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for you ladies to look forward to when those spirit mates come for you as well. So know

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that this community is really here for fellowship and just to literally walk you through and

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prepare you for this season of life that God's promised you. And so, like I said, I'm really

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excited that I get the honor and privilege and the blessing to be able to take this journey

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with y'all. So thank you for always allowing me the opportunity to do that and entrusting

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me with that. But do I have any brand new ladies? This is your first time here in Phase

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Two. It's my first time. Tiffany and Kathleen. Anybody else? I think that's it. Well, welcome.

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We're so glad to have you here. Thank you so much for being here. So how this kind of

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goes, I'm going to just quickly do some housekeeping items real quick. We're gonna

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touch on a couple teaching things today, and y'all, I'm getting better and better at feeding

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this along. And so I have some ideas on how I'm gonna get through this content, because my

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favorite thing to do with you all ladies, and I think what many of you ladies enjoy as well,

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is being able to take your questions. I think there's so much value in taking every single

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one of your situations and walking you through that process. And what you are going through,

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many of your sisters are going through as well. And so it also gives you that opportunity to

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prepare for, you know, deeper, deeper connection. And that vulnerability that really is part of

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marriage. And so it's, it's really beautiful to watch. And so like I said, it's my favorite part.

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So I am

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Constantly motivating myself to get through this content.

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It's valuable content, very, very valuable.

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But oftentimes I feel like I can teach this same content

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with y'all's questions.

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And so I don't wanna take a whole lot of time

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because I wanna get to as many of your questions

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as possible.

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I can't always get to everybody

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because we only have so much time.

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You know, we do try to limit,

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if we can spend like five minutes per person,

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that doesn't always happen

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because some things, you know,

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Holy Spirit just is like present,

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is like, well, no, we're gonna just really soak in this.

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And so I always kind of allow Holy Spirit

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just to kind of run with it

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and see, you know, whatever,

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I always just lead of it to him,

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like, whatever you wanna do here,

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like, this is your call.

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So yeah, so that is definitely something

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that I always look forward to.

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So that is always my goal.

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And I am, like I said,

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I'm getting more motivated to hurry it up along, okay?

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So don't be afraid to call me out, all right?

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Sometimes I need that accountability as well.

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For any of you ladies that, you know,

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you are wanting some coaching

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and you're asking the questions

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and you wish, like,

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it's so nice that I get coaching for five or 10 minutes,

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but I just wish I could just get more one-on-one time.

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We do have, under the resource tab,

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we do have opportunities for y'all

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to hire any of the coaches here at Last Year Single.

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It is an additional charge,

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but that would offer you an extra 50 minute session, okay?

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So there's packages and things like that.

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So if that is ever something that you feel like

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you could benefit from

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and that that's an investment that you're like,

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you know what, the Lord's really pressing me on that,

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know that that option is available.

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Some people, they're like, yeah, I'm rolling with it.

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And other people are like, you know what, I'm okay.

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So no pressure whatsoever.

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If you decide not to do one-on-one coaching,

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it's not like it's gonna hold you back, okay?

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And then if you do,

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one-on-one coaching doesn't mean, like,

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all of a sudden you're gonna get married

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before anybody else, okay?

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Like, it's God's timing.

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Let's be real, it's God's timing.

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So, but I do want you ladies to always know

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that that is always an option.

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If you feel like that is something that, you know,

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the Lord is pressing on you, like,

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hey, I really just need to be able

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to spend that time with a coach.

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Couple other things here.

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Actually, I think it covers pretty much all of that.

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I do know, I think last week we were talking,

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if any of you ladies have been in phase two

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for, like, three, four months,

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and, you know, you've gone through the content,

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you've been on a handful of dates,

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I wanna encourage you to sit and pray

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about moving over to phase three, okay?

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Again, we're not gonna push you out and force you out.

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Some of you are ready.

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Some of you, if you need to hang back,

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just talk to us, and we're here, okay?

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I want you just to really pray on that

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if you've been here for a while, okay?

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I don't want you missing out on things in phase three,

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okay, that's gonna be really, really good,

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solid stuff for you to glean some wisdom from.

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Not that we're not learning stuff in here,

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but there is also a value in phase three as well.

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But with that being said,

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I also don't want you ladies rushing through this phase

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and skipping over what we actually offer

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here in this phase as well.

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So it is about balance, so just, you know,

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communicate that with the Heavenly Father,

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communicate it with us.

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If you have questions about it, we're here for you.

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Okay, I think that's about really it.

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I'm just looking over my notes just to be sure.

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So yeah, all right, let me go ahead and pray,

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and then we're gonna dive into

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a little bit of online dating

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and being able to partner with God in the process.

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Okay, so get your notes ready, okay?

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Get your pencils and your notebooks

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and all that good stuff

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because you're gonna want to take some notes.

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And yeah, we'll get through that

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and then I'll get questions and all that good stuff.

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So, all right, Heavenly Father,

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I just thank you for this evening, Lord,

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and yes, just thank you, Lord.

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Thank you for this opportunity, always.

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You're always here for us.

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Anytime we need you, we can just sit quietly

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and know that you are.

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right here with us.

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And Heavenly Father, I just invite you into this space.

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Lord, fill us with your peace and your presence and your wisdom and your knowledge and your

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goodness and your hope and your encouragement and your mercy and your grace.

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Lord, I thank you for each and every woman on this call tonight and those watching in

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replay.

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Yes, Lord.

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Lord, I ask that you just cover them with just new, refreshed hope.

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Lord, I ask that you give courage to those that just need to know that they don't have

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to be afraid.

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Allow these women to step into this season of taking charge.

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Yes, Lord.

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That they're going to learn to step into what you have for them.

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That they don't have to go in hiding.

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They don't have to be afraid.

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They can step out with some vulnerability and know that you've got them.

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That you have placed them in this community to care for them.

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Lord, I pray that they feel loved and cherished by each and every person in this community

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and that they know just how very much that they are loved by all of us here, but most

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importantly by you.

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And so I just ask that you just bless our time together, that you give us your wisdom

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and your hope and your encouragement and definitely, like I said, that courage so that we can really

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learn from one another.

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And Lord, just let us be able to receive what you have for us and have fun.

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That you have good things for us and that we're just ready to receive and have a very

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good time tonight, Lord.

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So I just thank you for that.

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In your son Jesus' name, amen.

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Okay, notebooks ready.

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Okay.

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So yeah, partnering with God in the process.

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My mouth gets dry here.

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So forgive me.

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Partnering with God in the process of online dating.

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Okay.

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So I'm going to go over six principles.

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I think what I'm going to do is I'm just so I can move through this ladies so that we

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can get to questions and we'll try something new.

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I'm going to list these principles so that y'all can get them and then we'll go a little

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bit one by one.

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Okay.

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And then if you have if something that I am talking about is confusing or you're curious

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about it or if you have a question or you have a comment about it, jot it down.

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And then when we open the floor for questions, let's take those questions then.

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How's that sound?

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I think that will help us move through this teaching a little bit quicker so we can get

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to more questions.

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Like I said, it's my favorite part.

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So and I think you all really appreciate when we can get to as many of those as possible.

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So first principle is going in with a fresh attitude or just don't go in at all.

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This is with online dating.

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Okay.

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Go in with a fresh attitude or don't go in at all.

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The second principle, go in to actually date.

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Go in to actually date.

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And like I said, I will, we'll dive into this with a little bit more detail, but I want

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to give you all the principles first.

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Three, principle three.

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This one is going to require some detail.

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Okay.

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So hang tight with me on this one.

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Just pass them by.

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I know that's going to sound really confusing without details.

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Don't worry.

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We'll get there.

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Okay.

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But that's principle three.

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or remember that clarity filters for you.

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Clarity filters for you.

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Number three, just pass them by.

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Eloise, did you get that?

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Just pass them by, number three.

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And I know it's gonna sound really confusing,

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but when I dive into a little bit of that,

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it will make a little bit more sense, I promise.

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And if it doesn't, then at the end,

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you can ask me more questions about it.

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Okay, does anybody need principle four repeated?

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Good, okay, principle five.

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This one was, this one always got me, y'all.

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Don't overshare.

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I'm a talker, y'all.

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That was always a hard thing for me.

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It took me some practice.

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I still have to practice that.

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Don't overshare.

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And then principle six,

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you probably have all heard this by now

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if you've been in here for a minute.

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It's a yes until it's a no.

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It's a yes until it's a no.

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Okay, so let's go back to principle one,

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going in with a fresh attitude.

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So what's important here is setting up your heart posture.

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It's so important, okay?

248
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So that is by all means,

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the thing that I see horizontally

250
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the thing that I see holds up most women

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when they step into phase two,

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when they're free to date and we're like, online dating.

253
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And I would, like, I don't have a percentage,

254
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but I would say probably a majority,

255
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probably at least over half.

256
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Let's be real.

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They're like, yeah, no, I'm not doing that.

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God didn't tell me I was gonna meet my husband online.

259
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Nope, he told me I didn't have to do that.

260
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Oh, I had, I already been there, done that,

261
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I've experienced that.

262
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And so there's typically not like a,

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yeah, let's go do that, okay?

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I say that because y'all, I, that was me.

265
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I was like, oh, do I have to, I don't want to.

266
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And so it's really important.

267
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Like if that's you, one, just, it's okay.

268
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It's okay if there's some hesitation,

269
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if there's some reluctance, if there's just like,

270
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:59.880
yeah, no, Carla, no, I'd rather like go to the dentist

271
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and have all my teeth ripped out.

272
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I'm not doing that again.

273
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Okay, so just, yeah, like I have the t-shirt,

274
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I got the prize, like, but I really don't have the prize

275
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because I got the baggage, but not really a prize.

276
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Okay, so just know like it's okay if that's where you're at.

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I want you ladies to be open-minded of spending time

278
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with us and the Lord and really digging, not digging,

279
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like, cause we don't want to ever dig.

280
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Okay, like going back to heart work stuff here,

281
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but really investigating and being open to seeing

282
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if it's something that's below the surface

283
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that might need some healing.

284
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Are there any foxes in the garden,

285
00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:02.840
any of those little lies that's holding us

286
00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:08.640
from an opportunity to get out there

287
00:19:09.640 --> 00:19:14.640
and practice some of the skills and the tools

288
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:20.080
and walking into a new season of dating differently?

289
00:19:21.600 --> 00:19:24.840
Cause y'all have been through heart work, okay?

290
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:27.640
And it doesn't mean that you,

291
00:19:27.640 --> 00:19:28.680
just because you've been through heart work

292
00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:29.880
doesn't mean that you're still not going to have

293
00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:31.920
some heart work that you're going to go through.

294
00:19:33.400 --> 00:19:37.360
Okay, so it is just making sure

295
00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:40.440
that you are checking in with that heart posture

296
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and we are here to support you in that.

297
00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:46.960
So it's just, again, you just want to remember

298
00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:49.880
online dating is not your savior.

299
00:19:49.880 --> 00:19:51.120
It doesn't have to be.

300
00:19:51.120 --> 00:19:53.200
It's not the verdict of your worth.

301
00:19:54.680 --> 00:19:59.680
It's not a detour of God's love story for you.

302
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:07.960
Quite frankly, we don't know how God has written our love stories, and what I can share, having

303
00:20:07.960 --> 00:20:14.240
been here for five years, not just with my own love story, but with all of the love stories

304
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:19.200
that I've gotten to witness with many of my close friends that I was single with, and

305
00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:23.720
the weddings that I got to attend with my girlfriends that I met through this community,

306
00:20:23.720 --> 00:20:31.480
but also many of the women that I've had the opportunity to walk with and coach.

307
00:20:31.480 --> 00:20:38.880
The love story that we think, like how we think it's going to look, never, never actually

308
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:41.920
turns out that way.

309
00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:46.600
Like God has this cool thing that he just likes to be like, Oh, you think you control

310
00:20:46.600 --> 00:20:47.600
that?

311
00:20:47.600 --> 00:20:50.960
Oh honey, just see what I can do.

312
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:56.440
Like yeah, oh, that would be good, but do you want better?

313
00:20:56.440 --> 00:21:03.360
Like God has a way of just knowing what is better for us, and we can come up with some

314
00:21:03.360 --> 00:21:08.640
pretty good ways of like how our love story is going to play out, but I will tell you

315
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:17.080
the love stories that God writes for us are way better.

316
00:21:17.080 --> 00:21:22.120
So it's just keeping that as an open mind.

317
00:21:22.120 --> 00:21:28.440
And so if you're like, Oh, but Carla, God told me that he, no, I get it.

318
00:21:28.440 --> 00:21:31.640
God told me that too.

319
00:21:31.640 --> 00:21:39.160
And you know, I didn't meet my husband online dating, didn't meet him through an online

320
00:21:39.160 --> 00:21:42.160
dating, but y'all, I met him online.

321
00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:46.120
He was actually in a Facebook group that I wasn't even part of.

322
00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:50.960
It was a Christian singles Facebook group that many of the women that were in community

323
00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:57.880
here with me were part of, and I was like, yeah, I'm not doing that now.

324
00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:02.960
But my girls that I had built relationship within here because I allow myself to be vulnerable

325
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:08.920
and open and just do life, they were looking out for me.

326
00:22:08.920 --> 00:22:13.560
And so they saw his profile.

327
00:22:13.560 --> 00:22:16.640
One girl in particular, she's like, Hey girl, what do you think?

328
00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:19.240
And I'm like, yeah, okay, we'll see.

329
00:22:19.240 --> 00:22:21.080
And you know, some of you have heard that story.

330
00:22:21.080 --> 00:22:27.880
I say it often, but lo and behold, yes, he, we've now been married two and a half years.

331
00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:32.780
So yeah, like I'd never anticipated it to look the way that it did.

332
00:22:32.780 --> 00:22:35.040
So just keep that as an open mind.

333
00:22:35.040 --> 00:22:39.080
But again, let's go back to our heart posture.

334
00:22:39.080 --> 00:22:44.640
So if you're going to enter into online dating, bitter, exhausted, barded, and not healed

335
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:52.120
and hoping that someone else is going to fix whatever it is that is hurting inside, no,

336
00:22:52.120 --> 00:22:58.760
that's where you're in a pause and it's okay.

337
00:22:58.760 --> 00:23:02.440
There were times that I was in seasons where I was like doing online dating and I was okay.

338
00:23:02.440 --> 00:23:06.320
And then all of a sudden it was like, no, this is, there's too much happening.

339
00:23:06.320 --> 00:23:09.640
Triggers are going and I'm like, uh, no.

340
00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:18.720
And I had to push pause and it was okay because my heart posture was not, not in a good place.

341
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:20.440
And that was okay.

342
00:23:20.440 --> 00:23:22.120
It really, really was.

343
00:23:22.120 --> 00:23:28.920
And so I really want you ladies to be considering, you know, going in with this attitude, this

344
00:23:28.920 --> 00:23:39.160
fresh attitude, like I'm not afraid and I can trust God with my heart.

345
00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:46.080
Like he's the one that's got my heart, my timing and my discernment.

346
00:23:46.080 --> 00:23:48.640
Like you trust him.

347
00:23:48.640 --> 00:23:51.160
You're not striving in online dating.

348
00:23:51.160 --> 00:24:00.000
It's about stewarding the opportunity that God is walking you through and everyone's

349
00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.760
going to have a different experience.

350
00:24:04.760 --> 00:24:07.720
And some of you are going to have similar experiences.

351
00:24:07.720 --> 00:24:09.440
Okay.

352
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So be thinking of that.

353
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:12.240
Okay.

354
00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:13.240
So be checking in with yourself.

355
00:24:13.240 --> 00:24:14.240
All right.

356
00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:17.640
And if any of you want to talk about where your heart posture is with that, we'll take

357
00:24:17.640 --> 00:24:19.000
the questions.

358
00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:20.000
Okay.

359
00:24:20.520 --> 00:24:23.800
Principle number two is going to actually date.

360
00:24:23.800 --> 00:24:28.560
Really want y'all partnering with God and asking the Lord like, okay, Lord, if I'm going

361
00:24:28.560 --> 00:24:34.840
to do this online dating, I really need to make sure, like, why am I really dating?

362
00:24:34.840 --> 00:24:37.120
What's my purpose?

363
00:24:37.120 --> 00:24:48.280
Because it can get really easy to get on these apps and all of a sudden it's like, oh, like

364
00:24:48.560 --> 00:24:54.440
it's nice getting the dings and the likes and the messages and it's safe.

365
00:24:54.440 --> 00:24:58.160
It's safe because they're behind the screen.

366
00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:00.000
Like you don't have to be face to face with him.

367
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.200
right away, right?

368
00:25:02.740 --> 00:25:04.940
And before, believe it or not,

369
00:25:04.940 --> 00:25:07.660
we can find ourselves in some sticky situations

370
00:25:07.660 --> 00:25:12.660
where we're emotionally getting attached to people.

371
00:25:13.380 --> 00:25:14.740
How do you shake in your head, girl?

372
00:25:14.740 --> 00:25:15.640
She knows.

373
00:25:16.620 --> 00:25:18.220
Y'all, this is me.

374
00:25:19.380 --> 00:25:23.820
Y'all, I had a literally a full-on,

375
00:25:23.820 --> 00:25:26.620
what I thought was relationship with somebody

376
00:25:27.900 --> 00:25:29.580
for close to a year.

377
00:25:29.660 --> 00:25:30.700
It was long distance.

378
00:25:30.700 --> 00:25:33.780
Now, he was a real person, okay?

379
00:25:33.780 --> 00:25:37.660
We did meet in person, I think like once or twice,

380
00:25:37.660 --> 00:25:40.200
but not, you know, it took some time.

381
00:25:41.340 --> 00:25:44.580
We talked every day on the phone, several times a day,

382
00:25:44.580 --> 00:25:47.100
messaged, all that kind of stuff for over a year.

383
00:25:47.100 --> 00:25:50.300
And then he eventually moved from Indiana to Florida.

384
00:25:50.300 --> 00:25:52.900
He had like, he was a real person.

385
00:25:52.900 --> 00:25:54.460
So when he moved to Florida,

386
00:25:54.460 --> 00:25:57.320
I thought we were in relationship.

387
00:25:58.320 --> 00:26:03.320
Like we, we shared like stuff.

388
00:26:03.520 --> 00:26:06.440
I mean, we were close.

389
00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:08.800
We shared about our life together.

390
00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:12.620
Y'all, he moved down here

391
00:26:12.620 --> 00:26:14.520
and it was like not like that at all.

392
00:26:16.560 --> 00:26:20.520
I spent a year because I allowed myself

393
00:26:20.520 --> 00:26:23.300
to have this like relationship,

394
00:26:24.300 --> 00:26:28.180
what I thought was a relationship online.

395
00:26:29.180 --> 00:26:31.580
Y'all, don't go into online dating

396
00:26:33.180 --> 00:26:35.440
to just have the emotional connection.

397
00:26:38.820 --> 00:26:40.840
Y'all are here for marriage.

398
00:26:40.840 --> 00:26:43.980
You're gonna be living with a husband.

399
00:26:43.980 --> 00:26:47.220
You don't wanna like be in, have them in the flesh.

400
00:26:48.500 --> 00:26:51.940
Okay, so really make sure that when you're going,

401
00:26:51.940 --> 00:26:55.140
like we need to unpack,

402
00:26:55.140 --> 00:26:58.460
like if you have some fear about going out

403
00:26:58.460 --> 00:27:01.060
and getting some real life dates,

404
00:27:02.700 --> 00:27:06.220
are you gonna hide behind the computer

405
00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:08.460
or are you gonna allow yourself

406
00:27:08.460 --> 00:27:13.460
to kind of get attached emotionally

407
00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:18.480
to strangers that you don't know on a computer screen?

408
00:27:19.480 --> 00:27:21.340
Messaging, texting.

409
00:27:23.160 --> 00:27:25.560
Some of y'all don't even like to do video calls.

410
00:27:29.640 --> 00:27:30.480
You don't.

411
00:27:33.120 --> 00:27:34.480
If you're long distance,

412
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:36.280
ladies, you're gonna do some video calls.

413
00:27:36.280 --> 00:27:39.080
It's just part of it.

414
00:27:39.080 --> 00:27:40.480
You're gonna do some video calls

415
00:27:40.480 --> 00:27:43.120
or if you're gonna be living long distance,

416
00:27:43.120 --> 00:27:45.240
you know that you're gonna be able

417
00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:48.340
and capable of making that happen.

418
00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:50.560
All right, and we'll get to that.

419
00:27:50.560 --> 00:27:54.040
That's actually part of one of the other principles here.

420
00:27:56.080 --> 00:27:58.900
So dating is a skill, you know,

421
00:27:58.900 --> 00:28:01.520
and these skills are developed through practice

422
00:28:01.520 --> 00:28:03.160
and it's not perfection, ladies.

423
00:28:03.160 --> 00:28:06.800
I will tell you, one, these men that y'all are dating,

424
00:28:06.800 --> 00:28:10.400
they ain't perfect and we're not perfect either.

425
00:28:11.800 --> 00:28:14.320
So it's just about practice.

426
00:28:14.320 --> 00:28:17.640
It's allowing the opportunity

427
00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:19.720
of getting your feet wet

428
00:28:19.720 --> 00:28:23.040
and applying the things that God wants to reveal to you

429
00:28:23.040 --> 00:28:24.960
and put it into practice.

430
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:26.440
You're not there to window shop.

431
00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:28.920
You're not there to collect some attention

432
00:28:28.920 --> 00:28:32.560
because some of y'all, ladies, I've seen it.

433
00:28:32.560 --> 00:28:34.000
Some of the ladies are just,

434
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:36.080
it feels good to get attention.

435
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:40.760
And so some of us, that's all we need.

436
00:28:40.760 --> 00:28:43.440
We're too scared to get the rejection

437
00:28:43.440 --> 00:28:45.800
and have them see us in person,

438
00:28:45.800 --> 00:28:49.960
but we do really like when they are,

439
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:51.480
you know, feeding us sweet nothings

440
00:28:51.480 --> 00:28:53.540
and saying nice things to us.

441
00:28:53.540 --> 00:28:56.440
And, you know, it's easy just to sit there

442
00:28:56.440 --> 00:29:00.040
and be messaging, but we're not there

443
00:29:00.040 --> 00:29:01.260
just to get the attention.

444
00:29:01.260 --> 00:29:05.140
We're actually there because we're there for connection

445
00:29:05.140 --> 00:29:06.620
and to show up.

446
00:29:09.240 --> 00:29:14.240
It's just, it's so important that you have

447
00:29:16.640 --> 00:29:21.560
that mindset, okay?

448
00:29:21.560 --> 00:29:24.760
And that you really, really check yourself with that, okay?

449
00:29:27.560 --> 00:29:29.760
So online dating is gonna be a place

450
00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:33.220
where you can actually learn about what you enjoy.

451
00:29:34.080 --> 00:29:36.640
You get to learn about how you communicate,

452
00:29:38.220 --> 00:29:40.200
how you communicate with people,

453
00:29:40.200 --> 00:29:45.200
but then also how others communicate with you

454
00:29:45.360 --> 00:29:48.040
and what you might need to work on

455
00:29:48.040 --> 00:29:49.280
or what you're good at.

456
00:29:51.360 --> 00:29:53.520
Y'all, my husband and I,

457
00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:57.720
we don't communicate the same.

458
00:29:57.720 --> 00:29:58.560
Ha ha ha.

459
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.960
And ladies, let me tell you, men don't communicate like us women.

460
00:30:08.320 --> 00:30:11.120
So y'all are going to get some experience with dating some

461
00:30:11.120 --> 00:30:13.640
different men, and you're going to realize there are different

462
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:18.440
ways of communicating. And it's going to bring out some like,

463
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.880
you know, even just tonight, I mean, I was like, Oh, Lord, I'm

464
00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:31.600
like, honey, I can't do I can't do this. Like, you're gonna just

465
00:30:31.600 --> 00:30:35.720
have to, you're gonna have to communicate things a little

466
00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:44.800
better. I said to him, I'm like, okay, and so like, it's, it's

467
00:30:44.800 --> 00:30:47.200
important, like, you're gonna learn this stuff in dating.

468
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:52.320
Like, that's why it's also important ladies that when you

469
00:30:52.320 --> 00:30:55.560
step into this whole online dating, like this isn't just

470
00:30:55.560 --> 00:30:59.760
about finding the one, I want you guys just to go ahead and

471
00:30:59.760 --> 00:31:05.560
take the pressure off of yourself. Take it off. You don't

472
00:31:05.560 --> 00:31:10.520
have to look at these dates as Oh, I got to sit here and pick

473
00:31:10.520 --> 00:31:13.520
this apart. And I don't know. And God's got to tell me and I

474
00:31:13.520 --> 00:31:16.920
just don't want to waste my time. And ladies, I've heard it

475
00:31:16.920 --> 00:31:21.680
all. I heard it all. I actually probably did it all. I'll be

476
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:29.960
real. And so take the pressure off yourself. Like, you don't

477
00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:34.400
have to really start asking that question until you've actually

478
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:40.280
decided after like, three dates that you actually enjoy hanging

479
00:31:40.280 --> 00:31:48.640
out with a person. And then you're like, Okay, I really kind

480
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:51.640
of have fun. But yeah, there's just some things I don't think

481
00:31:51.640 --> 00:31:58.960
I know. I don't think I want this and no. But be open. Be

482
00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:02.920
open to allowing that time like grow in that like learn, learn

483
00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:08.240
some things in the process. Learn how you pace emotional

484
00:32:08.240 --> 00:32:13.880
intimacy. Ladies, I get a lot a lot a lot. There's always it's

485
00:32:13.880 --> 00:32:18.560
like the two ends of the spectrum. How many of you are

486
00:32:18.680 --> 00:32:26.680
like? It's the slow burn. Like, I'm not I'm not gonna sit here

487
00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:32.800
and pour my emotional, like, not gonna put my emotions into it.

488
00:32:34.560 --> 00:32:39.280
And so I know you can be trusted. Like, you're like,

489
00:32:39.320 --> 00:32:47.200
okay, we're gonna pace this slow. I'm just now seeing I got

490
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:52.440
some some chats going on here in the thing. Why my thing never

491
00:32:52.680 --> 00:32:59.400
scrolls down. Yeah, some of us some of us are like, you know,

492
00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:03.720
no, we're, we're, we ain't getting emotionally attached

493
00:33:03.720 --> 00:33:07.440
right away. But guess what, if if you are a little more guarded,

494
00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:10.880
you're gonna realize, okay, things might not be moving

495
00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:15.800
along, because I'm not really showing some interest. And I'm

496
00:33:15.800 --> 00:33:19.280
not like, navigating this well, and I might have to pick up the

497
00:33:19.280 --> 00:33:23.840
pace, I might have to put some some little risks out there. Now

498
00:33:23.840 --> 00:33:30.720
if you were like me, I'm curious who out here was like me. Like,

499
00:33:31.800 --> 00:33:35.880
you went from zero to 100. Like, the emotions were all there.

500
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:38.760
Like, oh, I think I met the man of my dreams. We're gonna be

501
00:33:38.760 --> 00:33:40.720
married, we're gonna have kids and we're gonna have to do this

502
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:45.160
and this. Like, how many of that was the how many of that? How

503
00:33:45.160 --> 00:33:53.280
many of you can relate to that? Like, we're gonna we're gonna

504
00:33:53.280 --> 00:33:57.240
watch that. And y'all ladies, you'll see like, some of us go

505
00:33:57.240 --> 00:34:01.520
in from like, we can't I you know, somebody later is gonna

506
00:34:01.520 --> 00:34:03.560
be like, I can't even keep up which guy what guy she's

507
00:34:03.560 --> 00:34:07.000
talking about. One minute she was like, all over this, you

508
00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:10.679
know, oh, I, you know, I can't wait to introduce this guy to my

509
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:16.239
family. And the next thing you know, like, that guy's gone. And

510
00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:21.159
this guy in just a week, y'all are talking about engagements.

511
00:34:21.600 --> 00:34:29.239
What? Trust me, it happens. Okay, so we're going to want to help

512
00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:37.199
you navigate that. Okay. And so this is the season to spend time

513
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:44.600
learning things like this about yourself. Okay. Okay, let's keep

514
00:34:44.600 --> 00:34:48.639
this moving here. But just passing by this one is important

515
00:34:48.639 --> 00:34:51.040
because some of you are like, what, what is this principle?

516
00:34:51.480 --> 00:34:59.440
This principle goes along with a like realizing that you're gonna

517
00:34:59.440 --> 00:34:59.800
have to

518
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.840
some realities without losing your peace. Y'all are gonna probably experience this

519
00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:12.080
when you get into online dating. So let's just go ahead and normalize this.

520
00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:16.800
Alright, you're gonna encounter scammers, you're gonna encounter ghosting, you're

521
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:22.200
gonna encounter wishy-washy men, you're gonna encounter men who don't know what

522
00:35:22.200 --> 00:35:26.880
they want, you're gonna encounter like the emotionally unavailable men, you're

523
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:33.840
gonna encounter the love bombers, you're gonna encounter, um, what else am I

524
00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:38.200
leaving out here? Oh, you're gonna, you're gonna encounter some men that are like

525
00:35:38.200 --> 00:35:41.600
seriously inappropriate.

526
00:35:44.320 --> 00:35:51.680
It sucks, y'all. Like, I don't know about y'all, but that was, that was, y'all, I'm

527
00:35:51.680 --> 00:36:04.400
feisty, if you guys can't tell. I had two brothers, okay, so I always had to like

528
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:11.160
hold my own. So when men are seriously like sexually

529
00:36:11.160 --> 00:36:24.240
inappropriate, I'm like, oh heck no. Mm-hmm. Don't. Like, I, this is where some, some of

530
00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:30.800
my, like, masculine, like, tendencies, some of that, like, where that I need to work

531
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:38.160
on my feminine a little bit, can come out. Some of my guardedness will want to come

532
00:36:38.160 --> 00:36:46.560
out and, you know, I've, I had to learn how to just let that literally roll off my

533
00:36:46.560 --> 00:36:56.640
back. Okay, so go ahead and just sit with that and just be like, okay, these are

534
00:36:56.640 --> 00:37:05.360
things I'm going to encounter. What things might I encounter that I'm

535
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:10.160
concerned about that I want to start spending time with the Lord and

536
00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:12.840
processing?

537
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:19.880
We can have conversations about how to, like, y'all, just because we take

538
00:37:19.880 --> 00:37:22.800
questions, you're like, and a lot of ladies are like, I'm in this situation,

539
00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:27.480
I'm in this situation, what do I do? Ladies, you can have conversations with

540
00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:32.520
us about, like, okay, I know that this is a reason why I'm hesitant because I'm

541
00:37:32.520 --> 00:37:39.440
nervous about this situation, how might I handle that? We can, we can sit there

542
00:37:39.440 --> 00:37:43.720
and unpack that, we can go through some, you know, what's below the surface, where

543
00:37:43.720 --> 00:37:47.760
is that coming from, why might that be a trigger for you? We can sit there and

544
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:52.560
navigate that and a lot of you ladies are going to hear what some of these

545
00:37:52.560 --> 00:37:59.540
other women are experiencing and if you allow yourself to be open to hearing the

546
00:37:59.540 --> 00:38:05.580
coaching and not get defensive for these women, because y'all, I'm a mama

547
00:38:05.580 --> 00:38:12.980
bear, I will get defensive for you all, trust me. Like, there's times where I have

548
00:38:12.980 --> 00:38:20.820
to, like, tone it down for myself so that I'm showing up for you all and not being

549
00:38:20.820 --> 00:38:25.420
like this, oh, I'm gonna knock this dude out, like, I want his number and I want to

550
00:38:25.420 --> 00:38:32.340
tell him what's up. With that being said, y'all ladies need to understand it's not

551
00:38:32.340 --> 00:38:39.380
your job to teach a man how to date, to teach him emotional maturity, it's not

552
00:38:39.380 --> 00:38:43.300
your job to do the heartwork for him or teach him how to heartwork. I have to

553
00:38:43.300 --> 00:38:48.060
even check myself with my husband. There's a lot of times, especially we

554
00:38:48.060 --> 00:38:51.580
were doing couples heartwork, Jackie had to remind me all the, all the time, she's

555
00:38:51.580 --> 00:38:55.260
like, Carla, I know you're a heartwork coach, but you can't heartwork, heartwork

556
00:38:55.260 --> 00:39:00.780
your husband. It's also not your job to sit there and share the gospel with him

557
00:39:00.780 --> 00:39:08.500
on a dating app. We'd like to call that ministry dating. It's not your job.

558
00:39:08.500 --> 00:39:15.340
Like, you totally get it, yeah, trust, oh, trust me, we, we, we do struggle with that,

559
00:39:15.340 --> 00:39:23.780
we do. Doesn't he not know the Lord? He doesn't think that women are allowed to

560
00:39:23.780 --> 00:39:30.340
preach. Oh, does he not know the Bible? Oh, I'm gonna tell him, like, trust me. I have

561
00:39:30.340 --> 00:39:35.980
moments like that too, where I'm like, I just want to educate this man. No, it's

562
00:39:35.980 --> 00:39:41.300
not our job, it's not our job. It's also, ladies, I want y'all writing this one

563
00:39:41.300 --> 00:39:52.940
down. It is not your job to convince him that you are worth showing up for.

564
00:39:53.780 --> 00:40:01.780
Write it down. It is not your job to convince him that you are worth showing up for.

565
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:11.520
your job to convince any man or boy, okay, because boys are the ones that want to be

566
00:40:11.520 --> 00:40:20.480
convinced. Men, men with the three M's, marriage minded, masculine and mature, they don't,

567
00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:29.220
they're not there for a woman to convince them of anything. So you all are not there

568
00:40:29.220 --> 00:40:40.980
to convince anyone that you are worth showing up for. Not your job. You don't need to confront

569
00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:46.980
them. You don't need closure. A lot of people want to have the closure. Oh, I just want

570
00:40:46.980 --> 00:40:53.220
to end this well. I just feel like I need closure so that I can move on. If you just

571
00:40:53.220 --> 00:41:00.860
knew that, then, you know, I did my part. I honored myself. Ladies, sometimes it ain't

572
00:41:00.860 --> 00:41:08.340
going to matter. It won't. Because if they're not going to receive it, like don't, it's

573
00:41:08.340 --> 00:41:15.260
just not going to matter. You don't need to educate them. You are not their mama. Half

574
00:41:15.260 --> 00:41:21.700
some of these men don't even listen to their mamas. Probably why they have maybe issues

575
00:41:21.700 --> 00:41:31.700
of not having a wife. They weren't raised how to treat their mamas well. Okay, that's

576
00:41:31.700 --> 00:41:38.180
not everybody. Okay. I'm not here to bash men. That's not what we're here to do. Okay.

577
00:41:38.180 --> 00:41:49.260
But I want you ladies, again, just because one guy is not showing up in a great way,

578
00:41:49.260 --> 00:41:56.260
it doesn't mean that it goes for all men. Because what will happen is sometimes it does

579
00:41:56.260 --> 00:42:09.300
happen is we sit and categorize all men are like this. All men do this. All men do that.

580
00:42:09.300 --> 00:42:13.420
And then we start hating on men. And then we become the victims. And then, oh, we're,

581
00:42:13.420 --> 00:42:20.620
you know, we're, we're entitled. Like, we don't want to do that. Y'all. We love men.

582
00:42:20.620 --> 00:42:29.100
We do. You don't want to love a man. Okay. You need, you need one man to love ladies.

583
00:42:29.100 --> 00:42:37.500
If you want a marriage, you do. So you don't want to go in with this idea like I hate men.

584
00:42:37.500 --> 00:42:44.700
Men suck. Okay. Do some men do? Yeah. But guess what? It's not our job. It's not our job. Lord,

585
00:42:44.700 --> 00:42:49.660
you gonna handle them. You get to handle them. Not me. All right. We have enough on our plates

586
00:42:49.660 --> 00:42:57.500
as women. Am I right? We have more than enough. I don't need that. All right. Um,

587
00:42:59.500 --> 00:43:05.900
I like this statement here. Discernment often looks like quiet disengagement.

588
00:43:08.140 --> 00:43:12.220
Discernment often looks like quiet disengagement.

589
00:43:14.780 --> 00:43:21.180
If you were sensing something like, oh, this is not, sometimes you just don't even have to engage

590
00:43:21.180 --> 00:43:29.820
it. If you're, you know, if you start engaging it ladies, and sometimes you get in that battle

591
00:43:29.820 --> 00:43:35.180
and that war and some of these, some personalities, cause I'm not just going to say this as men

592
00:43:35.180 --> 00:43:43.340
personalities, women are like this too. Unhealed can show up like this. They're just there for

593
00:43:43.900 --> 00:43:50.940
the fight. They're just there to antagonize. They're just there to get the rise.

594
00:43:51.820 --> 00:43:57.740
They have insecurities. They want the, they're there for the power. They're there to control.

595
00:43:58.220 --> 00:44:05.820
They have their own stuff. And when we engage in that, we just affirm it for them.

596
00:44:06.940 --> 00:44:15.340
So sometimes when we discern, like, I don't know if this is something we can just quietly disengage

597
00:44:15.340 --> 00:44:23.180
and kind of set with it and allow them to show up how they want to show up that they will honestly

598
00:44:23.580 --> 00:44:32.380
show their true colors. People that really have some unhealthy stuff, they can't contain it for a

599
00:44:32.380 --> 00:44:40.620
very long time. They really can't. I know when I was really unhealthy, I couldn't. I'll be real with

600
00:44:40.620 --> 00:44:45.580
y'all. All right. I had a lot of stuff before artwork that I just really needed a lot of help

601
00:44:45.580 --> 00:44:51.580
with. All right. Okay. Let's move through these last three. Cause I'm going to get to questions.

602
00:44:51.580 --> 00:44:57.740
Principle four clarity will filter for you. This is like about your profile. It's not a

603
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.000
Resume, it's just an invitation

604
00:45:02.020 --> 00:45:08.640
Be clear. All right your photos you want one close-up one full length. No sunglasses. No group shots

605
00:45:09.520 --> 00:45:11.520
Smile, okay guys like your smile

606
00:45:12.280 --> 00:45:14.280
All right. Joy is magnetic

607
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:18.460
All right competence without performance is attractive

608
00:45:19.560 --> 00:45:26.700
Be confident that's going to be attractive when we act like we're trying to do something. It's keep healthy man

609
00:45:26.700 --> 00:45:28.220
We'll see right through that

610
00:45:28.220 --> 00:45:31.240
You want your words to be positive about who you are?

611
00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:35.800
Okay, don't be negative in your your your profile

612
00:45:36.500 --> 00:45:38.500
Share things about what you enjoy

613
00:45:39.160 --> 00:45:43.760
Communicate what qualities and characteristics that you find attractive

614
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:46.800
Okay, so don't just talk about you

615
00:45:47.560 --> 00:45:54.600
What's great about you, but also let people know what you are attracted to in a positive way

616
00:45:55.580 --> 00:45:57.580
like

617
00:45:58.760 --> 00:46:02.800
I don't know. I'll go off on a tangent. So let's I'll get with the picture here

618
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:06.400
You want to make sure that you're filling out

619
00:46:07.080 --> 00:46:09.080
Everything that you can okay

620
00:46:09.320 --> 00:46:12.400
Not every guy is going to probably read all the information

621
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:16.520
but you never know some men do some men don't don't be offended if

622
00:46:16.820 --> 00:46:20.600
You you put some information in there and they just didn't read it

623
00:46:21.480 --> 00:46:24.960
You know, I'll be honest there were times that I didn't always read all the information

624
00:46:25.220 --> 00:46:32.740
Men who are intimidated by clarity when you're very clear about like who you are what you're looking for in a

625
00:46:33.060 --> 00:46:35.060
soft feminine way if

626
00:46:35.220 --> 00:46:38.820
The men that are intimidated by that. They're not your assignment

627
00:46:40.420 --> 00:46:43.620
It doesn't mean that you're not going to deal with some of those type of men

628
00:46:46.260 --> 00:46:49.140
And you're gonna hope wish that they would have filtered themself out

629
00:46:49.140 --> 00:46:53.080
But just understand that when they do get through that filter, okay

630
00:46:53.800 --> 00:46:55.800
When they do get through a little bit of that fishnet

631
00:46:56.760 --> 00:46:58.200
because

632
00:46:58.200 --> 00:47:01.240
Somehow they just were really tiny and they squiggled in there

633
00:47:01.880 --> 00:47:05.960
Just take them and just throw them out. You know, you don't even need to fuss with it

634
00:47:08.200 --> 00:47:12.280
The do not overshare this is a good one you really want to you want to pace

635
00:47:13.400 --> 00:47:15.400
communication with wisdom

636
00:47:15.660 --> 00:47:19.020
Really really pace communication with wisdom

637
00:47:19.660 --> 00:47:24.380
And be mindful about your emotional and spiritual boundaries

638
00:47:25.420 --> 00:47:29.580
Physical boundaries as well. Okay, we talked about boundaries last week

639
00:47:29.580 --> 00:47:33.340
So if we have any more questions kind of left from that don't hesitate

640
00:47:33.980 --> 00:47:35.420
to

641
00:47:35.420 --> 00:47:40.460
Share, you know ask questions about that. So again, we don't want to overshare so it's not just

642
00:47:40.720 --> 00:47:48.960
The emotional overshare the spiritual overshare all of those boundaries, we're not sitting there telling about our trauma stories our ex

643
00:47:50.080 --> 00:47:51.360
triggers

644
00:47:51.360 --> 00:47:53.360
Per se, okay

645
00:47:53.920 --> 00:47:57.120
We're not sitting there telling about our sex history. That ain't their business

646
00:47:58.000 --> 00:48:00.640
Okay, this is in those beginning stages of dating

647
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:04.000
Okay, we're not sitting there telling about our sex history

648
00:48:04.560 --> 00:48:07.200
Okay, we're not sitting there telling about our trauma stories our ex

649
00:48:07.700 --> 00:48:10.020
Okay, this is in those beginning stages of dating

650
00:48:10.900 --> 00:48:12.420
Okay

651
00:48:12.420 --> 00:48:16.820
You aren't hiding. Okay. You're not there to hide anything, but you're there to honor

652
00:48:17.700 --> 00:48:19.700
You and your time as well

653
00:48:21.940 --> 00:48:29.300
Okay, you're not going to go and share information that someone hasn't earned the time to receive yet

654
00:48:30.280 --> 00:48:32.280
And that just goes with any

655
00:48:32.980 --> 00:48:35.860
Relationship. I mean I have to tell that to my my

656
00:48:36.500 --> 00:48:38.260
teen daughter

657
00:48:38.260 --> 00:48:40.660
You know, she loves connecting with people. She likes

658
00:48:41.460 --> 00:48:43.460
you know, she wants she

659
00:48:44.260 --> 00:48:46.260
She loves people

660
00:48:46.260 --> 00:48:51.540
She's a very empathetic like she just she's a wonderful social butterfly

661
00:48:52.420 --> 00:48:54.420
She she really is

662
00:48:54.820 --> 00:48:58.440
But that can often sometimes allow her to kind of overshare

663
00:48:59.380 --> 00:49:04.180
And then she finds herself in these like heartbreaking situations because she's over shared with somebody

664
00:49:04.820 --> 00:49:07.480
That she then later learns that they're not a very trustworthy

665
00:49:08.340 --> 00:49:09.780
person

666
00:49:09.780 --> 00:49:11.780
They're not really someone that

667
00:49:12.580 --> 00:49:14.580
Really deserved that information

668
00:49:15.940 --> 00:49:18.180
Okay, and there's ways of being able to

669
00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:21.460
communicate

670
00:49:21.460 --> 00:49:25.140
To guys when we're on dates that are asking about that stuff

671
00:49:26.580 --> 00:49:28.180
Okay

672
00:49:28.180 --> 00:49:30.180
We can discuss that you'll see me

673
00:49:30.900 --> 00:49:36.100
Just go through several of the posts in the app in our community and you'll see

674
00:49:36.900 --> 00:49:42.100
Me respond that frequently like I will give you the verbiage. It's it's very very simple

675
00:49:42.580 --> 00:49:47.540
Um, also don't be offended if guys are sharing a lot of that personal information with you

676
00:49:48.180 --> 00:49:50.180
There will be men that will overshare with you

677
00:49:50.980 --> 00:49:52.980
There's ways of navigating that as well

678
00:49:53.540 --> 00:49:55.540
Hold some space. Okay

679
00:49:55.540 --> 00:49:59.940
Redirect take note take a mental

680
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.440
No. All right, unpack it here with us if you need to. We can walk through that process with you.

681
00:50:10.640 --> 00:50:15.920
Let's see, openness, honesty, and courage.

682
00:50:18.240 --> 00:50:25.520
That's, it's a yes until it's a no. Okay, be open, be honest, have courage, all right.

683
00:50:26.080 --> 00:50:35.600
Don't be afraid to give someone an opportunity. Be honest, like, hey, I'm just getting my feet wet

684
00:50:35.600 --> 00:50:42.240
and trying to decide what I like and what I don't, and I want to see what things we have in common

685
00:50:42.240 --> 00:50:50.320
first before we get into that, you know, that detail, those type of details, you know.

686
00:50:51.040 --> 00:50:58.080
You know, I just, I, I, you know, I'm, I'm new to this, and I'm

687
00:51:01.040 --> 00:51:05.360
working on things in myself, and I just, I want to make sure that I'm aligned with God,

688
00:51:06.160 --> 00:51:10.480
with who I spend my time with, and what I invest in, in that, and,

689
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:17.360
and being honest about that. You don't have to divulge all the information.

690
00:51:18.240 --> 00:51:22.960
You get to be clear and honest and have some courage to say, okay, and guess what? It's

691
00:51:22.960 --> 00:51:31.520
having the courage sometimes to say it and knowing that if they reject it, that's, that's them. That's

692
00:51:31.520 --> 00:51:42.320
not you. Okay, I see lots of questions going up in the chat. I do want to, I want to get to those,

693
00:51:42.480 --> 00:51:48.080
so I do not want to overlook those. I think I talked about this as well, about the

694
00:51:51.280 --> 00:51:59.280
long-distance dating. Okay, being open, like being open. Some of you are like, I'm not moving. Y'all,

695
00:51:59.280 --> 00:52:05.840
that was me. I was not moving. Y'all, I ended up moving. Took me a while.

696
00:52:06.720 --> 00:52:12.400
So, it's just being open about what does God want to do. It's surrendering,

697
00:52:12.400 --> 00:52:18.720
dating to what God wants to do in your love story. Okay,

698
00:52:21.040 --> 00:52:28.720
so, we've got some time for questions, and I got lots of hands up. So, I know there's lots

699
00:52:28.720 --> 00:52:33.840
of questions in the chat. So, ladies, if you have a question in the chat, I want you to put

700
00:52:34.000 --> 00:52:40.800
your hand up, because I do want to get to those, or if there's anyone that can go through the chat

701
00:52:40.800 --> 00:52:47.360
so we can really get to as many as possible, and if anybody can, like, raise their hand and be my,

702
00:52:47.360 --> 00:52:52.960
like, personally, like, oh, Carla, this person had this question. This person had this question.

703
00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:58.160
If someone wants to volunteer themselves to do that, we'll hit up as many questions as we can.

704
00:52:58.160 --> 00:53:04.480
Sound good? All right, I see Nikki from Florida. Florida girl. I love it. I'm going to take Nikki.

705
00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:10.480
I've got Patty, Luani, Lovelette. She's going to share some stuff. I got Sandy.

706
00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:22.720
Is it, I cannot, it's a Canyon. Canyon? Did I pronounce that right? No, I didn't, did I? Canyon?

707
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:28.240
No. Girl, help me out. You can just call me Connie.

708
00:53:30.240 --> 00:53:37.200
We had this discussion before, didn't we? Maybe, yeah. Yes. Okay. Yeah, Connie is fine.

709
00:53:38.240 --> 00:53:47.440
Yeah. Are you what? Connie is fine. It's like a nickname. Connie? Yeah, yeah. Connie. Okay, girl.

710
00:53:48.400 --> 00:53:53.840
Girl, y'all, y'all, some of you know the story, like my poor, my poor 10 year old,

711
00:53:53.840 --> 00:54:08.480
we found out a few years ago, he is, and, oh, thank you, Sarah. We found out my, my 10 year old

712
00:54:08.480 --> 00:54:16.240
has dyslexia and that boy probably got it from me because I am phonetically challenged.

713
00:54:18.080 --> 00:54:28.480
Who else have we got? Susan and Rosanna and Lovelette. What's that? That would be nice.

714
00:54:28.480 --> 00:54:31.760
Yeah. Hey, Sarah. And what else?

715
00:54:34.480 --> 00:54:39.600
I just found out I have Huntington's. Hang on a second, y'all. Have you ever heard of that?

716
00:54:40.560 --> 00:54:46.640
I have. My, my mother has. Okay, let's see if she stays muted.

717
00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:51.680
She might be like on her phone and it might just be hitting,

718
00:54:51.680 --> 00:54:53.680
but that happens to me sometimes. Okay, I think,

719
00:54:56.560 --> 00:54:59.760
I think it's, I'm just going to keep it.

720
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.000
All right. Okay. Nikki, I'm going to go with you and then we're going to, we're going to

721
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:10.520
knock these out. So short, brief and powerful ladies, but we're going to allow Holy Spirit

722
00:55:10.520 --> 00:55:14.520
just to really take over. Okay.

723
00:55:14.520 --> 00:55:24.040
Okay. Um, hi Carla. Um, I, uh, have been in phase two for a really long time. Um, really,

724
00:55:24.040 --> 00:55:31.880
really long time. Um, and Ebony is aware that I have a lot of anxiety with online dating.

725
00:55:31.880 --> 00:55:40.960
Um, done it before. Um, like years ago and went on a couple of dates and had a couple

726
00:55:40.960 --> 00:55:48.040
short relationships from it. But, um, my, I've been in phase two for actually over a

727
00:55:48.040 --> 00:55:55.760
year. I'm not gonna lie. Um, and I hardly share, Ebony knows that as well because the

728
00:55:55.760 --> 00:56:02.280
last time I shared was in November, um, because of a guy that I met at my job and I was working

729
00:56:02.280 --> 00:56:08.480
in the schools at the time I was, I'm a counselor. Um, but I, in November I took another job,

730
00:56:08.480 --> 00:56:15.360
same company, but I'm working in outpatient and still, like I told Ebony, like I would

731
00:56:15.360 --> 00:56:19.600
start the online dating at the beginning of the year. I told her that in December and

732
00:56:19.600 --> 00:56:23.960
I still haven't. And I plan on doing a one-on-one with her because I know that there's stuff

733
00:56:23.960 --> 00:56:30.400
that needs to be unpacked. But the reason that I wanted to, um, come on tonight and

734
00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:37.800
talk is there is a counselor, uh, a male who started working a couple of weeks ago with

735
00:56:37.800 --> 00:56:48.800
us. And, um, I'm 38, he's 42. So we're like close in age. Um, immediately, like my coworkers,

736
00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:56.000
uh, colleagues, um, were some of them at least were saying, oh, Nikki, he's really attractive.

737
00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:59.840
He's not wearing a wedding ring. And they found out he was single and they were like

738
00:56:59.840 --> 00:57:06.880
trying to see if, um, we could be something. But I have a lot of anxiety with, um, the

739
00:57:06.960 --> 00:57:11.720
idea of dating someone that I work with, because if it doesn't work out, I can't even imagine

740
00:57:11.720 --> 00:57:20.840
the awkwardness of that. Um, well, one of the, one of my colleagues, um, reached out

741
00:57:20.840 --> 00:57:26.560
to a, he he's friends with, his name's Adam, just so I like it, I can keep it straight.

742
00:57:26.560 --> 00:57:32.760
Um, Adam is friends with this guy named David that, um, also he doesn't work in our department,

743
00:57:32.760 --> 00:57:39.880
but we, he's a, another colleague. Anyways, one of my, Adam is the guy that is working.

744
00:57:39.880 --> 00:57:43.720
That's the attractive guy. Yes. Yeah. That's working a couple. And David is a guy that

745
00:57:43.720 --> 00:57:47.280
works in a different department. Yes. Who's friends with Adam. They've been friends for

746
00:57:47.280 --> 00:57:52.920
like long, a long time. And so Jen reached out to David cause she's friends with him

747
00:57:52.920 --> 00:57:59.240
to find out if Adam was single and if he was a Christian because they know that I'm a Christian.

748
00:57:59.240 --> 00:58:04.400
Well, David said that he is single. Adam is single, but that for as long as he's known

749
00:58:04.400 --> 00:58:08.800
him, which has been a really long time, like over a decade, I think he's never been a church

750
00:58:08.800 --> 00:58:14.520
going guy. Okay. I'm like, okay, well that doesn't sound promising, but I really don't

751
00:58:14.520 --> 00:58:20.240
know. Well, uh, I'm trying to speed it up. Sorry. I have some anxiety because this has

752
00:58:20.240 --> 00:58:26.200
been like an overwhelming thing for me. Um, so I was like, okay, well that's enough information.

753
00:58:26.200 --> 00:58:30.600
I'm not going to like entertain it, but I'm still friendly and everything. And he found

754
00:58:30.600 --> 00:58:37.640
out that I love drinking chai and I try to get a chai latte like before work or at lunch

755
00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:45.960
or something. So, um, he ended up teams. He actually sent me a team's message to tell

756
00:58:45.960 --> 00:58:51.800
me that he hopes to have a great weekend. Um, so I was already like, Oh, he's, you know,

757
00:58:51.800 --> 00:58:55.920
acting interested a little bit. I wouldn't like get carried away at that point. But then

758
00:58:56.640 --> 00:59:02.080
he messaged me and said he was heading out and want to know if he could get me a tie or

759
00:59:02.080 --> 00:59:08.080
anything else that I would like. And I, um, actually wanted to try, but it was too late

760
00:59:08.080 --> 00:59:13.520
when I saw it. And I remember like learning that it's okay to accept these things. Like

761
00:59:13.520 --> 00:59:18.960
maybe that's just me being feminine and receiving. Absolutely. Like there's no expectation. So I

762
00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:22.880
said, Oh, that would be wonderful. But it was too late. Like he didn't see the message in time.

763
00:59:23.520 --> 00:59:31.600
Anyways, um, he's been really friendly and sweet and kind and everything. And we've been messaging

764
00:59:31.600 --> 00:59:36.160
on we had been messaging on teams. And like, really, I've actually been enjoying the conversations.

765
00:59:36.160 --> 00:59:47.200
And we, we ended up exchanging numbers. And we, we ended up texting a lot, having a long phone

766
00:59:47.200 --> 00:59:54.160
conversation actually on Saturday. Very like the as far as our conversations go, like, I feel like

767
00:59:54.160 --> 00:59:59.920
Ebony would be proud because it's not gone deep at all. Like we literally spent like a whole

768
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.520
whole long time talking about our favorite foods like crazy.

769
01:00:06.480 --> 01:00:11.480
He, he, he, I think we both have good boundaries. Now I over I

770
01:00:11.480 --> 01:00:16.880
used to overshare for sure. But um, we both just slightly talked

771
01:00:16.880 --> 01:00:19.080
about our families here and there. Nothing about trauma,

772
01:00:19.080 --> 01:00:22.320
nothing about exes, nothing about faith either, though. He

773
01:00:22.320 --> 01:00:25.480
does know I'm a Christian, because I've mentioned it here

774
01:00:25.480 --> 01:00:27.960
and there. I told him about a Bible study I was going to I

775
01:00:28.160 --> 01:00:31.680
talked about a couple times that I prayed and made a decision

776
01:00:31.680 --> 01:00:35.560
after praying. So and he's, he said, I can see your faith is

777
01:00:35.560 --> 01:00:38.240
important to you. But that's about as far as it's gone. He

778
01:00:38.240 --> 01:00:45.160
hasn't shared anything about any faith of on his end. I, I have a

779
01:00:45.160 --> 01:00:48.560
lot of anxiety because we've been texting and kind of being

780
01:00:48.560 --> 01:00:52.480
playful, a little flirty, but not crazy. Nothing about each

781
01:00:52.520 --> 01:00:55.080
like anything about like how we're attracted to each other,

782
01:00:55.080 --> 01:00:58.680
nothing like that, but just playfulness. And it's obvious

783
01:00:58.680 --> 01:01:01.320
that there's like attraction, though, and interest between us.

784
01:01:01.360 --> 01:01:04.760
And I don't know how long I should let this go without

785
01:01:04.760 --> 01:01:08.600
telling him that I'm looking for a Christian because I already

786
01:01:08.600 --> 01:01:11.440
feel like it's gone. I didn't even know what I was getting.

787
01:01:11.640 --> 01:01:15.280
Like, this sounds crazy. But like, it happened kind of fast.

788
01:01:15.960 --> 01:01:18.520
Not that I didn't have an opportunity to not give him my

789
01:01:18.520 --> 01:01:24.440
number. Obviously, I had full control of that. But I ended up

790
01:01:24.480 --> 01:01:26.880
I don't know, I just was thinking like, Oh, I don't want

791
01:01:26.880 --> 01:01:29.280
to shut him down. I didn't actually know if he was

792
01:01:29.320 --> 01:01:33.280
technically a Christian. I don't know. I don't know. uses, because

793
01:01:33.280 --> 01:01:37.600
I did want to talk to him. But I now I feel like very anxious

794
01:01:37.600 --> 01:01:40.880
because I don't know if it's gone. It sounds silly, because

795
01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:45.480
it's, it's not like we've had any deep discussion. But I

796
01:01:45.480 --> 01:01:49.840
already feel like it'll be awkward at this point, even to

797
01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:53.240
to have a discussion about like what I'm actually looking for.

798
01:01:53.240 --> 01:01:55.520
Because now we're just be like walking by each other knowing

799
01:01:55.520 --> 01:01:58.720
like, we're not gonna, it's not gonna go anywhere. But then I

800
01:01:58.720 --> 01:02:01.640
also part of me doesn't even want to bring it up, because I'm

801
01:02:01.640 --> 01:02:04.760
just anxious at this point. So I hope I'm making sense. But

802
01:02:04.760 --> 01:02:05.120
that's

803
01:02:05.160 --> 01:02:13.760
yes, you're making absolute total sense. 100%. I wish I was

804
01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:16.280
doing online dating. It sounds crazy, because I've been

805
01:02:16.280 --> 01:02:18.680
avoiding it so long, but like, I've been avoiding it. And now

806
01:02:18.680 --> 01:02:20.920
I'm like, man, this would have been so much easier if I was

807
01:02:20.920 --> 01:02:21.520
doing it.

808
01:02:21.760 --> 01:02:24.800
Yes, right. I could just be like, Oh, hey, are you a

809
01:02:24.800 --> 01:02:27.400
Christian? Oh, you're not? All right. Well, then I don't feel

810
01:02:27.400 --> 01:02:29.480
like going on a date and have the conversation. Like, all

811
01:02:29.480 --> 01:02:33.200
right, cool. Yeah, like, literally gonna be passing him

812
01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:38.720
every day. Like, we we work in the same office. So it's just I

813
01:02:38.720 --> 01:02:41.680
don't know. I don't know what I don't. If I'm a counselor, and I

814
01:02:41.680 --> 01:02:44.480
can help other people. But when it comes to my own stuff, like I

815
01:02:44.480 --> 01:02:48.200
literally feel so lost right now. I have so much anxiety

816
01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:48.840
about it.

817
01:02:49.160 --> 01:02:53.320
I get you. I totally get you. Like, thank you. So it's the

818
01:02:53.320 --> 01:02:57.800
best that counsel and like, give out wisdom. We also need the

819
01:02:57.800 --> 01:03:02.280
same thing too. Because I oftentimes like why can't I take

820
01:03:02.280 --> 01:03:08.880
my own advice? Like a lot of times y'all ladies, things that

821
01:03:08.880 --> 01:03:14.920
I coach you ladies on as single women. It pertains to me as

822
01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:19.800
well. And I'm a married woman. So you all like I like it's, I

823
01:03:19.800 --> 01:03:24.000
want you ladies to understand like this process is what will

824
01:03:24.000 --> 01:03:26.080
be so cool for y'all. And I'm not going to go off on this

825
01:03:26.080 --> 01:03:30.080
tangent for long is that dating and being single actually does

826
01:03:30.080 --> 01:03:31.920
prepare you for marriage because there's a lot of stuff that

827
01:03:31.920 --> 01:03:35.920
shows up in marriage that, believe it or not, you address

828
01:03:35.960 --> 01:03:41.680
in singleness as well. And so it helps you uncover that. So a lot

829
01:03:41.680 --> 01:03:46.840
of times, those of us that help others, we need the same thing.

830
01:03:46.840 --> 01:03:49.000
And a lot of times we talk to ourself and yet we don't want to

831
01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:54.560
listen to ourselves. So you make complete sense. So a couple

832
01:03:54.560 --> 01:04:04.440
things. What I what I love about this situation is, from a

833
01:04:04.440 --> 01:04:08.560
coaching perspective for all the ladies that are on this call, is

834
01:04:08.560 --> 01:04:15.080
that when you are going through something, regardless of what

835
01:04:15.080 --> 01:04:18.480
this looks like for each and every one of you, every one of

836
01:04:18.480 --> 01:04:24.800
you have an opportunity to look at this as an opportunity for

837
01:04:24.800 --> 01:04:33.560
growth. This, this is not like a haphazard, like, Oh, gosh, I

838
01:04:33.560 --> 01:04:35.360
should have done this. And I shouldn't have maybe I shouldn't

839
01:04:35.360 --> 01:04:36.840
have done that. Because I heard a little bit of that

840
01:04:36.840 --> 01:04:39.760
conversation happening, like, I should have just done this, and

841
01:04:39.760 --> 01:04:46.160
I need to own this. Well, okay. But you can't change that. So

842
01:04:46.440 --> 01:04:51.920
you're in this situation now. So what opportunities is the Lord

843
01:04:51.920 --> 01:04:58.800
putting in front of you to be able to address what things are

844
01:04:58.800 --> 01:05:00.120
causing the anxiety?

845
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:12.400
What is the biggest concern and the common theme that's not just showing up in this

846
01:05:12.400 --> 01:05:18.440
such situation, but how does this feel similar to other situations you've been in your past

847
01:05:18.440 --> 01:05:20.240
where it feels very similar?

848
01:05:20.240 --> 01:05:21.240
Yeah.

849
01:05:21.240 --> 01:05:26.400
I can't, I don't know if you want me to reflect on it or answer, but I have been in

850
01:05:26.400 --> 01:05:33.840
situations where I have gotten involved with a guy who wasn't a Christian and got emotionally

851
01:05:33.840 --> 01:05:34.840
attached.

852
01:05:34.840 --> 01:05:35.840
Okay.

853
01:05:35.840 --> 01:05:39.520
So is there some fear that that's going to happen again?

854
01:05:39.520 --> 01:05:40.520
Yeah.

855
01:05:40.520 --> 01:05:43.080
And I, yeah, definitely that's part of it.

856
01:05:43.080 --> 01:05:49.900
I definitely attach easily, but, and so I'm very cautious because of that.

857
01:05:49.900 --> 01:05:56.180
So I actually, it sounds kind of contradictory, but I rarely attach because I know when I

858
01:05:56.180 --> 01:05:58.300
do attach, it's, it's deep.

859
01:05:58.300 --> 01:06:02.700
And so that emotional bond is there.

860
01:06:02.700 --> 01:06:03.700
I can detach.

861
01:06:03.700 --> 01:06:06.020
And when I do, it's full detachment.

862
01:06:06.020 --> 01:06:13.300
I can't even imagine being with any ex that I've ever dated, but in the moment and it

863
01:06:13.300 --> 01:06:18.540
can last a little bit, I, and I also just get nervous about making it awkward for the

864
01:06:18.540 --> 01:06:19.540
other person.

865
01:06:20.180 --> 01:06:22.180
I don't want to hurt them, but I ended up getting hurt for sure.

866
01:06:22.180 --> 01:06:23.180
Like, yeah.

867
01:06:23.180 --> 01:06:26.900
In, in the process.

868
01:06:26.900 --> 01:06:30.380
And I'm just, that's good too.

869
01:06:30.380 --> 01:06:34.300
So again, that's, that's always something again, and, and ladies, when these situations

870
01:06:34.300 --> 01:06:46.740
come up, just know that we as coaches might ask certain questions and you might not feel

871
01:06:46.740 --> 01:06:50.340
like it, it makes sense, or you might not feel ready to answer that.

872
01:06:50.340 --> 01:06:51.940
And that's totally fine.

873
01:06:51.940 --> 01:06:55.420
This is when partnering with Holy Spirit is super important.

874
01:06:55.420 --> 01:06:59.660
And so, because there's a couple of things here, like I said, like addressing this, some

875
01:06:59.660 --> 01:07:04.540
of the anxiety and the, this, this attachment, that's, that's maybe God is wanting you to

876
01:07:04.540 --> 01:07:06.820
reflect on that.

877
01:07:06.820 --> 01:07:14.060
The like asking yourself this, you know, where does this awkwardness, this concern for making

878
01:07:14.060 --> 01:07:15.660
it awkward for the other person?

879
01:07:15.660 --> 01:07:17.140
Where does that come from?

880
01:07:17.140 --> 01:07:19.180
What's God trying to show me here?

881
01:07:19.180 --> 01:07:25.180
And it's, it's, you don't have to tackle everything, but you get to spend time processing through

882
01:07:25.180 --> 01:07:35.340
being like, okay, what Lord are you highlighting for me right now in this season that you want

883
01:07:35.340 --> 01:07:41.340
me to step out in faith in?

884
01:07:41.340 --> 01:07:50.420
So my, my curiosity is, I'm wondering, is you have shared that you were in a situation

885
01:07:50.420 --> 01:07:56.100
before where you got emotionally attached to somebody and they weren't a Christian.

886
01:07:56.100 --> 01:08:01.060
There's probably some hurt there you've been able to detach, but there might be this fear

887
01:08:01.060 --> 01:08:02.420
of this happening again.

888
01:08:02.420 --> 01:08:03.420
Yeah.

889
01:08:03.420 --> 01:08:09.020
And there's definitely shame with it because I knew better.

890
01:08:09.020 --> 01:08:16.180
So like I have a lot of shame wrapped up in the, in that stuff is you see how there's,

891
01:08:16.180 --> 01:08:18.620
there's something below the surface a little bit.

892
01:08:18.620 --> 01:08:19.620
Yeah.

893
01:08:19.620 --> 01:08:20.620
Yeah.

894
01:08:20.620 --> 01:08:25.140
And so it's spending time and asking the Lord, okay, like you're giving me this opportunity

895
01:08:25.140 --> 01:08:27.260
because I don't have to do this.

896
01:08:27.260 --> 01:08:30.779
This doesn't have to be the same, same situation.

897
01:08:30.779 --> 01:08:36.180
This outcome doesn't have to, doesn't have to be the same as what it was in the past.

898
01:08:36.180 --> 01:08:45.340
What can I do differently now and what Lord are you asking me to do that is going to help

899
01:08:45.340 --> 01:08:50.260
me grow into who you say I am?

900
01:08:50.260 --> 01:08:53.580
What are some things that I can be doing?

901
01:08:53.580 --> 01:09:02.300
My like what I, my opinion, okay, and again, you, you get to decide whether or not this

902
01:09:02.300 --> 01:09:05.740
works for you or not.

903
01:09:06.340 --> 01:09:13.340
How would it make you feel if you had an honest and open conversation with this guy and say,

904
01:09:13.340 --> 01:09:21.180
Hey, again, you're not, you're not even having to overshare, but you can say, Hey, you know,

905
01:09:21.180 --> 01:09:27.460
I need to share something with you and it might seem a little awkward.

906
01:09:27.460 --> 01:09:39.060
So forgive me if it feels awkward, but I, I feel like we're enjoying getting to know

907
01:09:39.060 --> 01:09:41.060
one another.

908
01:09:41.060 --> 01:09:49.220
However, you know, my faith, like you mentioned, my, my faith is really important to me and

909
01:09:49.220 --> 01:09:50.580
that is a non-negotiable.

910
01:09:50.580 --> 01:09:55.620
And before this kind of gets any more awkward than maybe it already can be, I just want

911
01:09:55.620 --> 01:09:59.700
to communicate that to you that I enjoy getting to know you, but I just want to let you know

912
01:09:59.700 --> 01:10:00.020
that this.

913
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.000
If this is only going to go

914
01:10:02.560 --> 01:10:08.360
This is not gonna go further than a work friendship. Is that is that gonna make things awkward for you?

915
01:10:09.240 --> 01:10:10.320
like

916
01:10:10.320 --> 01:10:16.040
Half an open. I mean it's gonna feel awkward for you. You're gonna step into something different

917
01:10:17.640 --> 01:10:22.960
It might cause some anxiety but what would it look like if you faced that

918
01:10:23.920 --> 01:10:28.080
Anxiety and it actually didn't turn out the way that you feared

919
01:10:29.080 --> 01:10:31.080
Mm-hmm. Yeah

920
01:10:32.200 --> 01:10:37.000
Do you think that I should give him an opportunity to say where he is in his faith?

921
01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:40.760
Like I just wasn't I wasn't trying to make it

922
01:10:42.240 --> 01:10:46.760
Too serious too deep too fast, but then it's like so I mean, yeah

923
01:10:46.760 --> 01:10:49.760
Let's let's just ping-pong here a little then we can just you know

924
01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:53.240
Talk through this and see like what might be the best way to

925
01:10:54.280 --> 01:10:56.280
Have this conversation with him

926
01:10:57.280 --> 01:10:58.720
You know if

927
01:10:58.720 --> 01:11:02.880
Because you guys are seeing each other on a daily basis. You have had those conversations

928
01:11:02.880 --> 01:11:06.120
he's made a comment about your faith being important to you and just be like

929
01:11:06.600 --> 01:11:12.600
You know being able to find a time or a situation where you bring that up again

930
01:11:13.640 --> 01:11:19.520
About your faith and just say hey, you know the other day you mentioned my faith being really important to me. I'm curious

931
01:11:20.440 --> 01:11:21.960
what

932
01:11:21.960 --> 01:11:26.280
Where are you at with your faith? Is that something that's important to you as well?

933
01:11:27.760 --> 01:11:29.520
Okay

934
01:11:29.520 --> 01:11:34.640
So it happens. It would be okay to bring it up then like before we

935
01:11:35.160 --> 01:11:41.600
Before he ever asked me out on a date then I think it's like trying to figure out when it's not your aim

936
01:11:41.600 --> 01:11:44.800
Like you're not you're not interrogating him. Yeah say

937
01:11:45.320 --> 01:11:47.320
I think it

938
01:11:48.080 --> 01:11:51.280
What it sounds like to me is you are

939
01:11:52.040 --> 01:11:56.680
Pretty certain this guy is not a believer. Mm-hmm

940
01:11:56.680 --> 01:12:00.600
He's made a comment that your faith is important to you yet. He is not giving you any

941
01:12:02.120 --> 01:12:09.440
Inkling that that's the same for him. Yeah, exactly and and ladies what I will say, I mean I

942
01:12:10.640 --> 01:12:12.720
Don't know about you all and again

943
01:12:14.400 --> 01:12:16.520
Not every man is gonna be like this but

944
01:12:17.400 --> 01:12:21.480
If you're going to share something about your faith

945
01:12:22.960 --> 01:12:28.560
The likelihood of someone else who has faith as something that's important to them as well

946
01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:36.080
Especially when he's asking you like hey, you want to give you a chai latte and you know, there's some flirting happening

947
01:12:36.680 --> 01:12:39.440
there is going to be a

948
01:12:40.160 --> 01:12:43.200
Conversation and there's gonna be an openness for him to share

949
01:12:44.160 --> 01:12:46.440
That similarity. Mm-hmm

950
01:12:47.320 --> 01:12:52.840
My husband was very forward about his faith and it being important to him

951
01:12:52.960 --> 01:12:55.280
Okay, I'm not saying all men are gonna be like that

952
01:12:55.280 --> 01:12:59.440
so ladies that when you're meeting guys online like this guy is a little different because it is

953
01:13:00.240 --> 01:13:07.120
She's meeting him in her community. It does look slightly different. Okay, so

954
01:13:09.280 --> 01:13:14.960
At this with this situation I'd be like, yeah like it's okay to say hey

955
01:13:15.760 --> 01:13:17.600
You know

956
01:13:17.600 --> 01:13:21.560
We were talking the other day about my faith again. You just be having conversation like

957
01:13:22.280 --> 01:13:28.960
Normal conversation at work or whatever. I haven't you know, and you can trust me. I'm sure you're gonna be able to find a way to

958
01:13:29.960 --> 01:13:36.440
Insert your faith in some way. I mean is anybody ever struggled? I mean if you have you can be honest with me. I

959
01:13:37.200 --> 01:13:42.720
I've never struggled with it. If you have we can talk about it any of you ladies. We're

960
01:13:43.560 --> 01:13:49.400
Sharing about your faith in just an organic way and having conversation

961
01:13:50.840 --> 01:13:52.840
Has been difficult

962
01:13:56.000 --> 01:13:58.000
Has that been difficult for anybody

963
01:13:58.560 --> 01:14:04.960
Nikki, has that ever been difficult for you to just kind of no. No, in fact, that's why he already knows my faith

964
01:14:04.960 --> 01:14:10.760
Isn't yeah, because I think talk about it actually, but he picked up on it enough

965
01:14:11.200 --> 01:14:15.880
Yeah, so that's I'm saying I think naturally you're gonna find yourself in a conversation

966
01:14:16.400 --> 01:14:21.640
Where you can bring that up and it will just organically happen. And then that's when you can kind of say hey

967
01:14:22.320 --> 01:14:28.360
You know, do you mind me asking where like where you're at in your faith? Or is that something that's important to you as well?

968
01:14:28.920 --> 01:14:31.160
Mm-hmm, and you can just learn a little bit

969
01:14:31.160 --> 01:14:36.800
but I think that then segues into the conversation where you're gonna he's gonna

970
01:14:37.480 --> 01:14:44.320
Share oh, no this that whenever and then at that point you can say well

971
01:14:45.760 --> 01:14:50.080
You know, I do want to be clear because I know

972
01:14:51.400 --> 01:14:53.400
you know that

973
01:14:53.720 --> 01:15:00.040
This this is the friendship like I don't want to lead you into thinking that this

974
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.960
is going to go anywhere. I hope that's okay. And that will be more natural because then

975
01:15:06.960 --> 01:15:15.200
you get to set that boundary and then it almost relieves the awkwardness before it gets even more

976
01:15:15.200 --> 01:15:21.520
awkward. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, that does. Yeah. Does that give you less anxiety to

977
01:15:21.520 --> 01:15:28.640
approach it in that way? Yeah, that does. That sounds really good. And I have one more question

978
01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:35.280
about it. I think if we had this through text, that would be okay? Text message?

979
01:15:37.280 --> 01:15:40.240
Can you do a phone call? Because you said you've had some phone calls with them.

980
01:15:40.240 --> 01:15:47.440
Yeah. Yeah. I would do a phone call. Text, ladies, my whole thing is with text is

981
01:15:48.080 --> 01:15:56.320
things can be misinterpreted. There's a lot with phone, in person. I like in person stuff better,

982
01:15:56.320 --> 01:16:02.320
but I can understand, again, if you've had naturally, you can have conversation on the

983
01:16:02.320 --> 01:16:07.600
phone. Again, you see him in person, you're going to get face-to-face interaction with

984
01:16:07.600 --> 01:16:15.680
them at some point. But there's a lot of misinterpretation with text. Yeah. And so

985
01:16:15.680 --> 01:16:20.320
I'm always about face-to-face first and if not anything, a phone conversation because you can

986
01:16:20.320 --> 01:16:29.920
hear tone. Yeah. Yeah. That's super important. That's just how I operate. But I also think

987
01:16:30.640 --> 01:16:36.720
something to be said, even you just mentioning, man, I've been wanting to get online and I have

988
01:16:36.720 --> 01:16:46.000
been reluctant to that and now I wish I was. I think even the timing of this is helpful for you

989
01:16:46.000 --> 01:16:55.040
to be like, okay, if I can face this anxious situation, then you know what? I can do anything.

990
01:16:56.080 --> 01:17:04.480
I can build the courage up and face this anxiety and get myself on the apps because guess what?

991
01:17:05.040 --> 01:17:11.200
You don't have to. There's no rule book of what it looks like.

992
01:17:14.240 --> 01:17:19.680
You don't have to do it so often in this and that. You get to pace this however

993
01:17:21.280 --> 01:17:24.000
God wants to reveal things to you.

994
01:17:24.000 --> 01:17:30.960
Yeah. When you said that, I just got this like, you know what? God is just doing something here.

995
01:17:33.360 --> 01:17:42.000
And so I think it's one, I think it's awesome that you're able to share this and you're being

996
01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:50.160
real and honest and raw here in community and that's where growth happens.

997
01:17:50.480 --> 01:17:56.720
And that's where growth happens. So it doesn't matter how long you've been in phase two.

998
01:17:57.600 --> 01:18:04.480
All right. There's no shame. Again, there's no shame. I don't want you to feel shame.

999
01:18:04.480 --> 01:18:09.120
But if shame is something that even the Lord is highlighting for you, then that's another

1000
01:18:09.120 --> 01:18:16.320
thing that you can be like, okay, Lord, I see this. Help me navigate this. This gets to be

1001
01:18:16.400 --> 01:18:20.480
your walk and it gets to be your intimate time with the Lord

1002
01:18:20.480 --> 01:18:24.880
and your personal relationship. That's one thing, ladies, that I found so

1003
01:18:26.640 --> 01:18:32.480
incredible about this community is we go in, we come in for this idea of like,

1004
01:18:32.480 --> 01:18:41.280
oh yeah, I want to be married. But we come out and like me, I'm still in and get so much more.

1005
01:18:41.840 --> 01:18:47.040
Like the one thing that I'm like, yeah, like I'm blessed that I have my husband, but y'all,

1006
01:18:48.560 --> 01:18:58.080
anyone that I talked to about this program will hear me say the best thing that I got from this

1007
01:18:58.080 --> 01:19:04.800
program was the deeper intimate relationship that I got with the Lord that I didn't know I was missing.

1008
01:19:05.360 --> 01:19:14.640
There's so much more in this community when we open our hearts to that.

1009
01:19:15.360 --> 01:19:17.680
Yeah, I agree very much so.

1010
01:19:18.320 --> 01:19:20.960
Yeah, so I applaud you.

1011
01:19:23.360 --> 01:19:33.280
Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. I do feel better about it. I kind of feel like I'm

1012
01:19:33.840 --> 01:19:40.480
possibly in our in my conversation with him, I'll take some accountability for like my energy,

1013
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:49.440
because I do feel like I feel a little bit responsible, not because like I said anything

1014
01:19:49.440 --> 01:19:56.320
like I would regret necessarily, but just responsible for getting a little bit swept

1015
01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:59.920
away without knowing for sure if he was a Christian and like.

1016
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.880
I think, I mean, it's just obvious.

1017
01:20:01.880 --> 01:20:04.560
He knows that I am attracted to him,

1018
01:20:04.560 --> 01:20:07.160
like by the way I've behaved a little bit.

1019
01:20:07.160 --> 01:20:09.840
Not that I've behaved in like an immoral way,

1020
01:20:09.840 --> 01:20:12.500
but just my energy.

1021
01:20:13.660 --> 01:20:15.800
And I guess that's like part of my anxiety.

1022
01:20:15.800 --> 01:20:18.640
And so I just feel-

1023
01:20:18.640 --> 01:20:22.080
You're good with claiming things as my anxiety.

1024
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:26.960
I don't like, careful with that.

1025
01:20:26.960 --> 01:20:31.960
Do you know where I'm going with this?

1026
01:20:32.240 --> 01:20:33.680
Yeah, I think so.

1027
01:20:33.680 --> 01:20:37.120
Claiming it as yours, that you're owning it.

1028
01:20:37.120 --> 01:20:37.960
Yeah.

1029
01:20:39.880 --> 01:20:42.120
Did you get to hear Supernatural Saturday?

1030
01:20:43.120 --> 01:20:46.240
I actually missed this one, it's the only one I missed.

1031
01:20:46.240 --> 01:20:48.280
So yeah, I actually missed it.

1032
01:20:48.280 --> 01:20:53.280
Because you can take authority,

1033
01:20:54.560 --> 01:20:56.080
like I want you to have that authority,

1034
01:20:56.080 --> 01:20:59.440
like there may be anxiety,

1035
01:20:59.440 --> 01:21:01.560
but it doesn't have to be yours.

1036
01:21:01.560 --> 01:21:04.840
Jesus took care of that on the cross.

1037
01:21:04.840 --> 01:21:07.160
We don't have to pick up, okay?

1038
01:21:07.160 --> 01:21:10.620
And I say this as someone who has struggled with anxiety.

1039
01:21:12.600 --> 01:21:17.040
And I have to remind myself that every day, okay?

1040
01:21:17.040 --> 01:21:20.400
I only say it because I hear it, because I do it.

1041
01:21:21.240 --> 01:21:23.080
That's why that stood out to me.

1042
01:21:23.080 --> 01:21:23.920
Yeah.

1043
01:21:23.920 --> 01:21:27.480
I've battled with myself, and I do still battle with,

1044
01:21:28.480 --> 01:21:32.560
but I think God is gonna do something really beautiful

1045
01:21:32.560 --> 01:21:37.120
in helping you overcome this lie

1046
01:21:37.120 --> 01:21:41.460
that anxiety belongs to you, because it doesn't.

1047
01:21:43.520 --> 01:21:45.520
And so, yeah.

1048
01:21:46.400 --> 01:21:50.000
All right, okay, let's keep moving, girls.

1049
01:21:50.000 --> 01:21:51.920
We're gonna get as many in as we can.

1050
01:21:51.920 --> 01:21:53.600
Okay, Patti, let's go.

1051
01:21:54.280 --> 01:21:55.480
Thank you, Carla.

1052
01:21:55.480 --> 01:21:56.960
Of course.

1053
01:21:56.960 --> 01:21:58.960
So like you, Carla,

1054
01:21:58.960 --> 01:22:03.600
I have been very hesitant to do online dating.

1055
01:22:03.600 --> 01:22:07.840
And so like Laura, I did a meetup,

1056
01:22:07.840 --> 01:22:10.360
and I'm always looking to try to do more meetups,

1057
01:22:10.360 --> 01:22:14.280
but just one so far in person.

1058
01:22:14.280 --> 01:22:19.280
So I found, well, Facebook showed me an ad, okay?

1059
01:22:19.400 --> 01:22:23.120
For a group called Meet Five, I think.

1060
01:22:24.120 --> 01:22:25.720
Supposed to be a,

1061
01:22:27.120 --> 01:22:28.520
turns out to be an app,

1062
01:22:28.520 --> 01:22:31.600
but it's supposed to be to make friends.

1063
01:22:31.600 --> 01:22:33.760
The goal is to get you off your phone

1064
01:22:33.760 --> 01:22:36.040
and meeting people in real life.

1065
01:22:36.040 --> 01:22:38.800
So I said, oh, good, I can try that.

1066
01:22:38.800 --> 01:22:41.880
And I just joined it yesterday,

1067
01:22:41.880 --> 01:22:45.520
just put up the picture that I posted in our group

1068
01:22:45.520 --> 01:22:49.320
with myself, me and my dog, just one picture.

1069
01:22:49.320 --> 01:22:51.560
I was like, it's not a dating app.

1070
01:22:51.560 --> 01:22:54.840
We're just gonna try to see if we can meet certain people.

1071
01:22:54.840 --> 01:22:57.080
And I don't even have anything,

1072
01:22:57.080 --> 01:23:00.840
like I selected some hobbies and,

1073
01:23:00.840 --> 01:23:04.520
but I don't have like a little bio or anything.

1074
01:23:04.520 --> 01:23:07.960
And so my question was going to be about,

1075
01:23:07.960 --> 01:23:10.520
because it's not specifically a question, right?

1076
01:23:10.520 --> 01:23:14.040
So my question was gonna be some tips,

1077
01:23:14.040 --> 01:23:16.880
any tips that you had for navigating

1078
01:23:16.880 --> 01:23:20.120
either in-person meetups or online dating

1079
01:23:20.120 --> 01:23:22.120
where the groups is not,

1080
01:23:22.120 --> 01:23:25.120
or the app is not specifically Christian.

1081
01:23:26.280 --> 01:23:29.640
Then I wanted to share what happened quickly.

1082
01:23:29.640 --> 01:23:34.640
Today, I went to their like welcome new members call.

1083
01:23:35.520 --> 01:23:36.360
It was a Zoom.

1084
01:23:37.360 --> 01:23:39.800
And I just came back from walking my dog.

1085
01:23:39.800 --> 01:23:41.800
I wasn't really dolled up or anything.

1086
01:23:41.800 --> 01:23:43.280
Oh, did you, were you saying something?

1087
01:23:43.280 --> 01:23:44.120
I'm sorry.

1088
01:23:44.120 --> 01:23:44.960
Oh no, go ahead, keep going.

1089
01:23:44.960 --> 01:23:45.800
You're good, you're good.

1090
01:23:45.800 --> 01:23:48.040
And I had no, I was just like, okay,

1091
01:23:48.040 --> 01:23:51.280
I'm just gonna hop on here, you know?

1092
01:23:51.280 --> 01:23:55.560
And I was really there to learn how to learn,

1093
01:23:55.560 --> 01:23:56.760
to use an app.

1094
01:23:56.760 --> 01:23:59.000
And I got, you know, I'm on Zoom a lot.

1095
01:23:59.000 --> 01:24:01.200
So I saw that there was a, I could see the chat.

1096
01:24:01.200 --> 01:24:05.280
So I was like, wait, is that an individual chat?

1097
01:24:05.280 --> 01:24:09.920
Oh, it's a man, a picture of a man, anyway.

1098
01:24:09.920 --> 01:24:11.440
There you go, girl, yes.

1099
01:24:13.760 --> 01:24:15.880
Oh, hi, how are you?

1100
01:24:15.880 --> 01:24:17.240
What state are you in?

1101
01:24:17.280 --> 01:24:19.000
So I was like, oh my gosh.

1102
01:24:19.000 --> 01:24:21.280
I was like, okay, calm down.

1103
01:24:21.280 --> 01:24:24.080
We know not to get overly excited.

1104
01:24:24.080 --> 01:24:28.040
And he's, you know, just, you could just,

1105
01:24:28.040 --> 01:24:30.920
and so we went back and forth and he's in Atlanta

1106
01:24:30.920 --> 01:24:33.160
and he's telling me about, you know,

1107
01:24:33.160 --> 01:24:34.720
have I ever been to Atlanta?

1108
01:24:34.720 --> 01:24:37.880
And last time he was in New Jersey and blah, blah, blah.

1109
01:24:37.880 --> 01:24:39.960
So that went back and forth.

1110
01:24:39.960 --> 01:24:40.880
That was nice.

1111
01:24:42.320 --> 01:24:44.920
And then, and this is, the problem is that my face

1112
01:24:44.920 --> 01:24:47.640
can be very expressive, which is probably not a good thing.

1113
01:24:47.640 --> 01:24:49.800
That's why I try not to be on camera so much.

1114
01:24:49.800 --> 01:24:54.800
I'm not like the, anyway, I look up and there's another one.

1115
01:24:56.720 --> 01:24:59.720
Oh man, I'm like, you know.

1116
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.640
hiding this is good i love it amazing because you know i feel like this may this may be that

1117
01:25:06.640 --> 01:25:13.680
i may never see them again but question are these zooms like a weekly thing like you're zooming

1118
01:25:13.680 --> 01:25:20.480
or is it was it just like a new members like you're only doing it once it's a one time only

1119
01:25:20.480 --> 01:25:29.280
okay i i i don't know i just joined yesterday so i know it said new members so i i don't know

1120
01:25:29.280 --> 01:25:36.480
did they drop drop any phone numbers to you one of them tried the second one was like and i was

1121
01:25:36.480 --> 01:25:42.720
like uh no they just told us not to give phone numbers out they did okay that's good i didn't

1122
01:25:42.720 --> 01:25:47.440
say that to him but in my head i was like people would not want me doing that either you know right

1123
01:25:47.440 --> 01:25:54.000
i don't know you you know and um so you know i was like well if you could find me in the app

1124
01:25:54.000 --> 01:26:00.000
i'm not even a premium member i like that you know if they here's the thing if they want to

1125
01:26:00.000 --> 01:26:05.920
come like they can't they'll they'll they'll seek you they'll seek you i love it um so i'm gonna get

1126
01:26:05.920 --> 01:26:10.000
to your question because i do want to i want to leave space for other people here too um

1127
01:26:10.960 --> 01:26:15.920
tips with navigating when you're not and this is a great question ladies because um

1128
01:26:17.840 --> 01:26:22.800
i know as christians it's like oh well where do i go to meet christians well

1129
01:26:22.800 --> 01:26:29.440
we're christian we go like do we not hang out in other places that are just not always labeled like

1130
01:26:29.440 --> 01:26:33.680
oh this is where i hang out because i'm a christian no you go to the grocery store you go to

1131
01:26:33.680 --> 01:26:40.000
you know bowling you go to you go and do activities you go to restaurants you go to

1132
01:26:40.560 --> 01:26:48.800
you go and do life right so and and as christians like we're called to

1133
01:26:48.800 --> 01:27:00.080
to to to model that have relationship with people i mean i'm not like even when i'm picking my

1134
01:27:00.080 --> 01:27:07.200
friends like i don't i don't i don't question them like are you a christian because if you're

1135
01:27:07.200 --> 01:27:12.480
not a christian i can't be your friend like believe it or not ladies like a lot of it's

1136
01:27:12.480 --> 01:27:17.680
it's crazy how this actually happened a lot of the moms at my son my youngest son's school

1137
01:27:19.440 --> 01:27:28.480
are not believers like somehow it's like that like we all just kind of and believe it or not

1138
01:27:28.480 --> 01:27:34.480
like there's a lot of things that i'm like they do not have the same beliefs as me we're not on

1139
01:27:34.480 --> 01:27:41.520
the same page about a lot of things together but what's really cool is like there is a respect and a

1140
01:27:41.760 --> 01:27:51.920
a like a genuine understanding of like getting to know them and they we we value like i value them

1141
01:27:51.920 --> 01:28:04.400
and they value me and like i see opportunities where i'm like wow like i have the opportunity

1142
01:28:04.400 --> 01:28:09.920
just to pour into them and show them i don't have to evangelize to them i don't have to

1143
01:28:10.560 --> 01:28:18.640
you know get them to believe what i believe i just get to show up that's how i get to show up

1144
01:28:19.360 --> 01:28:26.960
and so you know this is a really great question so i would my biggest suggestion is you show up

1145
01:28:26.960 --> 01:28:36.400
because you enjoy getting to know people you're there to meet people and learn about

1146
01:28:37.200 --> 01:28:47.280
others and learn about yourself you know one thing that i what i would do would be my encouragement

1147
01:28:47.280 --> 01:28:56.240
and my tip and what i try to do in general um and this was some something that you know a therapist

1148
01:28:56.240 --> 01:29:02.240
that i had a long time ago prompted me to do and it's just something that's been really impactful

1149
01:29:03.200 --> 01:29:13.360
in my life and i think it it applies here is to approach every encounter that i have with a person

1150
01:29:16.240 --> 01:29:20.800
curious about and asking myself what do i find attractive about that person

1151
01:29:23.200 --> 01:29:27.200
not just and i was like well like what do you mean and i was asking like what do you mean

1152
01:29:28.000 --> 01:29:35.280
like men i mean he's like no he's like all people young old male female

1153
01:29:37.040 --> 01:29:43.440
of all different you know ethnicities everything every person that god puts in front of you

1154
01:29:46.240 --> 01:29:50.400
see try to look at them through a lens of how god might see them

1155
01:29:51.360 --> 01:29:58.320
learn about them be curious about them you know um you might learn something that you

1156
01:29:58.320 --> 01:29:59.840
never learned before you might

1157
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.000
I, you know, and, and, you know, there might be times where you might learn that you don't

1158
01:30:07.000 --> 01:30:08.000
have a certain personality.

1159
01:30:08.000 --> 01:30:10.000
Like that happens too.

1160
01:30:10.000 --> 01:30:15.120
Um, so that would be my tip is, Oh, there you go.

1161
01:30:15.120 --> 01:30:16.120
Thank you, girl.

1162
01:30:16.120 --> 01:30:22.560
Um, that would be my tip for any of you ladies with any of these situations, like even not

1163
01:30:22.560 --> 01:30:23.920
girl, you're good.

1164
01:30:23.920 --> 01:30:29.680
Um, even with the whole like online dating and, Oh, I'm so sorry, girl, you are super

1165
01:30:29.680 --> 01:30:31.680
woman, super woman.

1166
01:30:31.680 --> 01:30:37.440
Um, and, uh, cause some ladies are like, Oh, I only want to go on Christian sites.

1167
01:30:37.440 --> 01:30:39.760
And I'm like, I get it.

1168
01:30:39.760 --> 01:30:47.200
But when you're out doing life, you're not like, do you get to pick and choose like Christians

1169
01:30:47.200 --> 01:30:48.360
that are in your path?

1170
01:30:48.360 --> 01:30:54.860
Like we were not ever like, we don't know who God wants to put in our path.

1171
01:30:54.860 --> 01:31:01.220
So just enjoy every opportunity you get to interact with others.

1172
01:31:01.220 --> 01:31:02.220
That would be my advice.

1173
01:31:02.220 --> 01:31:03.220
That would be my tip.

1174
01:31:03.220 --> 01:31:07.220
Like when you're going out, you're welcome.

1175
01:31:07.220 --> 01:31:08.220
All right.

1176
01:31:08.220 --> 01:31:09.220
All right.

1177
01:31:09.220 --> 01:31:12.220
Luani, how are you, girl?

1178
01:31:12.220 --> 01:31:13.220
All good.

1179
01:31:13.220 --> 01:31:14.220
All good.

1180
01:31:14.220 --> 01:31:15.220
Um, I'll be brief.

1181
01:31:15.220 --> 01:31:20.260
Cause I know there's still a lot of people, um, I try to knock it as many as we can.

1182
01:31:20.260 --> 01:31:22.540
I might not get to everybody, but we're going to do our best.

1183
01:31:22.540 --> 01:31:23.540
Okay.

1184
01:31:23.860 --> 01:31:30.780
What I'll try to do to make it fast is I did post a while back, something that you commented,

1185
01:31:30.780 --> 01:31:36.860
which was like, I was sharing my profile and then Ebony was helping and you're like, no,

1186
01:31:36.860 --> 01:31:37.860
go do the challenge.

1187
01:31:37.860 --> 01:31:42.940
So I did the challenge of posting to our community.

1188
01:31:42.940 --> 01:31:44.380
Okay.

1189
01:31:44.380 --> 01:31:46.780
So I kind of did it at much.

1190
01:31:46.780 --> 01:31:52.420
Like when the whole was, did this happen with the whole, like when the update happened?

1191
01:31:52.420 --> 01:31:53.420
Yeah.

1192
01:31:53.420 --> 01:31:54.420
Yeah.

1193
01:31:54.420 --> 01:31:58.820
I'm still going in the back, like trying to sit here and scour.

1194
01:31:58.820 --> 01:32:01.900
So thank you for coming and let me know.

1195
01:32:01.900 --> 01:32:04.620
I'm going to look for you.

1196
01:32:04.620 --> 01:32:07.980
Do you have an idea about when it was posted?

1197
01:32:07.980 --> 01:32:15.300
Ooh, that was maybe is in February, January, February.

1198
01:32:15.300 --> 01:32:21.280
And then there was a second moment where, um, I, I rarely get to ask.

1199
01:32:21.280 --> 01:32:27.880
So maybe three weeks ago I did this with Ebony and I did ask and she's like, girl,

1200
01:32:27.880 --> 01:32:30.360
your story is like, we're not going to have time.

1201
01:32:30.360 --> 01:32:36.120
So write down every detail and we're going to go through it.

1202
01:32:36.120 --> 01:32:39.320
Um, and I posted it.

1203
01:32:39.320 --> 01:32:40.320
Okay.

1204
01:32:40.320 --> 01:32:42.000
Did she or I comment?

1205
01:32:42.000 --> 01:32:46.080
All she said is, Oh my God, that's a lot.

1206
01:32:46.080 --> 01:32:54.440
I'm going to bring this to the whole group of coaches and get back to you and it's been

1207
01:32:54.440 --> 01:32:55.440
a good minute.

1208
01:32:55.440 --> 01:33:01.600
All right, girl, we don't, we don't get to this.

1209
01:33:01.600 --> 01:33:12.520
Are you able to, can we, well, I've been divorced for four years, never had a date.

1210
01:33:12.520 --> 01:33:14.440
I've been in online apps.

1211
01:33:14.440 --> 01:33:18.520
I've been to speed dating, whatever.

1212
01:33:18.520 --> 01:33:20.600
Never got anyone interested.

1213
01:33:20.600 --> 01:33:26.600
Um, I, I, I admire, I see all of you guys like, Oh no.

1214
01:33:26.600 --> 01:33:30.040
And they keep coming and what do I do with this?

1215
01:33:30.040 --> 01:33:32.560
I'm like, no, I don't have that situation.

1216
01:33:32.560 --> 01:33:33.560
Like I have nobody.

1217
01:33:33.560 --> 01:33:34.960
You're feeling stuck.

1218
01:33:34.960 --> 01:33:38.320
Like I, I, it's not that you're not wanting to get out and date.

1219
01:33:38.320 --> 01:33:40.880
You're just like, it's not happening.

1220
01:33:40.880 --> 01:33:41.880
Is that what you're saying?

1221
01:33:41.880 --> 01:33:42.880
Exactly.

1222
01:33:42.880 --> 01:33:47.720
Um, and every now and then a friend is like, no, you're, it's not happening.

1223
01:33:47.720 --> 01:33:49.200
So we're going to make it happen.

1224
01:33:49.200 --> 01:33:56.760
And they'd like make a dinner and make me meet someone and still doesn't go anywhere.

1225
01:33:56.760 --> 01:34:04.720
Yeah, girl, I actually relate to that on so many levels because my whole process in, in

1226
01:34:04.720 --> 01:34:10.320
last year single, I had a lot of first dates.

1227
01:34:10.320 --> 01:34:15.120
I do need one second because I've been this whole time waiting for my question, but of

1228
01:34:15.120 --> 01:34:22.320
course the Walmart delivery guy is here and calling and wanting the space for you.

1229
01:34:22.320 --> 01:34:23.520
You go do that.

1230
01:34:23.520 --> 01:34:25.080
And then you come back.

1231
01:34:25.080 --> 01:34:26.080
Okay.

1232
01:34:26.080 --> 01:34:30.320
Cause we're, we're, we're taking care of you.

1233
01:34:30.320 --> 01:34:31.320
Okay.

1234
01:34:31.320 --> 01:34:32.320
Thank you so much.

1235
01:34:32.320 --> 01:34:33.320
You're welcome.

1236
01:34:33.320 --> 01:34:34.320
All right.

1237
01:34:34.320 --> 01:34:41.160
Um, Sandy, is yours like super short, brief and powerful?

1238
01:34:41.160 --> 01:34:43.840
If it's not, we'll, we'll hold it.

1239
01:34:43.840 --> 01:34:52.320
And I'll find someone who has a short one to Luana comes back and put you on the spot.

1240
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.640
You're good.

1241
01:35:03.640 --> 01:35:12.480
I think if you scroll, if you're on your phone, scroll, scroll left to right and it should

1242
01:35:12.480 --> 01:35:14.480
be like tapped on you.

1243
01:35:14.480 --> 01:35:17.480
Where did she go?

1244
01:35:17.480 --> 01:35:20.480
Oh, there she is.

1245
01:35:20.480 --> 01:35:23.480
Okay, there you go.

1246
01:35:23.480 --> 01:35:26.480
Can you hear me?

1247
01:35:26.480 --> 01:35:27.480
Yes.

1248
01:35:27.480 --> 01:35:28.480
Okay.

1249
01:35:28.480 --> 01:35:29.480
Can you hear me again?

1250
01:35:29.480 --> 01:35:30.480
I'm not really.

1251
01:35:30.480 --> 01:35:31.480
Okay.

1252
01:35:31.480 --> 01:35:32.480
I'm going to hold you.

1253
01:35:32.480 --> 01:35:33.480
Okay.

1254
01:35:33.480 --> 01:35:34.480
Okay.

1255
01:35:34.480 --> 01:35:35.480
Come back to you.

1256
01:35:35.480 --> 01:35:36.480
Okay.

1257
01:35:36.480 --> 01:35:37.480
Okay.

1258
01:35:37.480 --> 01:35:38.480
All right.

1259
01:35:38.480 --> 01:35:39.480
Is it, I'm going to butcher your name again.

1260
01:35:39.480 --> 01:35:40.480
And I, I hate doing this.

1261
01:35:40.480 --> 01:35:41.480
Like I always, it's fine.

1262
01:35:41.480 --> 01:35:43.480
You already know I'm coming to you.

1263
01:35:43.480 --> 01:35:44.480
Yeah.

1264
01:35:44.480 --> 01:35:45.480
Mine isn't really a question.

1265
01:35:45.480 --> 01:35:46.480
It is.

1266
01:35:46.480 --> 01:35:47.480
I think I can keep it short.

1267
01:35:47.480 --> 01:35:52.320
It was basically just, we had talked about checking in on, I guess our heart posture

1268
01:35:52.320 --> 01:35:57.120
or something with dating and how, I guess I just was trying to open up a little bit

1269
01:35:57.120 --> 01:36:00.520
more and like check in with share where I'm at.

1270
01:36:00.520 --> 01:36:04.720
And I kind of just go back and forth between, yeah, feeling really hopeful sometimes and

1271
01:36:04.720 --> 01:36:09.280
very encouraged, especially when we have our calls, anytime we have our things together

1272
01:36:09.280 --> 01:36:10.280
in this community.

1273
01:36:10.280 --> 01:36:16.200
But then sometimes, and I think this is where it's a lesson for me to guard my inputs because

1274
01:36:16.200 --> 01:36:22.680
very easily I can see something, hear something from someone and instantly be like, oh man,

1275
01:36:22.680 --> 01:36:28.680
you know, like just all of a sudden be like disheartened and like not having a positive,

1276
01:36:28.680 --> 01:36:33.680
yeah, not having as much of a positive or hopeful outlook.

1277
01:36:33.680 --> 01:36:34.680
Okay.

1278
01:36:34.680 --> 01:36:41.200
That plus the fact that I honestly have not gone on any dates since being in this phase,

1279
01:36:41.200 --> 01:36:45.960
just been chatting with some people online, but it hasn't been great.

1280
01:36:45.960 --> 01:36:46.960
But yeah.

1281
01:36:46.960 --> 01:36:48.520
Anyway, just, just wanted to share that.

1282
01:36:48.520 --> 01:36:49.520
I love that.

1283
01:36:49.520 --> 01:36:50.520
No.

1284
01:36:50.560 --> 01:36:53.960
See ladies, I love it when y'all come and you're just honest and real.

1285
01:36:53.960 --> 01:36:58.600
Like this is, this is the best, like this is what I love.

1286
01:36:58.600 --> 01:37:04.200
Like this is why I love having these, these, the time to be able to do this.

1287
01:37:04.200 --> 01:37:08.440
And probably why I tend to go over anyway.

1288
01:37:08.440 --> 01:37:11.160
But I get it.

1289
01:37:11.160 --> 01:37:12.160
Yeah.

1290
01:37:12.160 --> 01:37:16.120
Like this, this back and forth heart posture like this, you're hopeful and you can get

1291
01:37:16.120 --> 01:37:17.120
encouraged.

1292
01:37:17.120 --> 01:37:23.520
But yeah, there's times where we hear things and we're like, oh no, absolutely not.

1293
01:37:23.520 --> 01:37:35.120
And so the thing that's coming up for me to ask you is, especially cause you, you mentioned

1294
01:37:35.120 --> 01:37:39.240
the thing with men.

1295
01:37:39.240 --> 01:37:43.800
Is there anything that's happened in your past that maybe there might be some layers

1296
01:37:43.800 --> 01:37:47.320
of unforgiveness that still needs to take place?

1297
01:37:47.320 --> 01:37:50.520
Like there's some unforgiveness there that there's some forgiveness that needs to take

1298
01:37:50.520 --> 01:37:55.960
place where you're looking at a lens.

1299
01:37:55.960 --> 01:38:03.280
You're looking at men through a lens of just one person and applying it to everybody.

1300
01:38:03.280 --> 01:38:07.360
Is there, is there a possibility of that?

1301
01:38:07.360 --> 01:38:11.160
I don't know.

1302
01:38:11.160 --> 01:38:20.240
Yeah, not, not, not one specific person I think is popping up, but a pattern, a series

1303
01:38:20.240 --> 01:38:21.240
of people.

1304
01:38:21.240 --> 01:38:22.240
Oh, definitely a pattern.

1305
01:38:22.240 --> 01:38:23.240
Oh my gosh.

1306
01:38:23.240 --> 01:38:24.240
Yes.

1307
01:38:24.240 --> 01:38:31.560
A pattern of, you know, disappointing, disappointing behavior from people.

1308
01:38:31.560 --> 01:38:37.480
And yeah, a repeating pattern that honestly, like even up until like very recent events

1309
01:38:37.480 --> 01:38:44.600
where I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing that's causing these kinds of people to always

1310
01:38:44.600 --> 01:38:45.600
show up.

1311
01:38:45.600 --> 01:38:48.040
But, and then that kind of makes me shut down and like not want to.

1312
01:38:48.040 --> 01:38:49.040
Yeah.

1313
01:38:49.040 --> 01:38:53.120
And that's where the disheartening comes in because it's like, oh, this again, this again,

1314
01:38:53.120 --> 01:39:00.160
like, and that's where, you know, it's, let's take some time and let's, when, when you find

1315
01:39:00.160 --> 01:39:08.560
yourself getting disheartened or you hear of something, you, you have the awareness

1316
01:39:08.560 --> 01:39:11.400
that I'm disheartened.

1317
01:39:11.400 --> 01:39:15.240
This is what come up.

1318
01:39:15.240 --> 01:39:18.840
Are you coming here in community and sharing that with us?

1319
01:39:18.840 --> 01:39:25.200
Are you going into the app and saying, hey, today on the call, when someone was sharing

1320
01:39:25.200 --> 01:39:30.400
about something and when they had to experience this with the man, like it, it, it brought

1321
01:39:30.400 --> 01:39:35.720
this thing up in me and this emotion and this feeling, and this is what it reminded me of.

1322
01:39:35.720 --> 01:39:39.560
And then just, it doesn't even have to be a question and just be like, this is where

1323
01:39:39.560 --> 01:39:40.560
I'm at.

1324
01:39:40.560 --> 01:39:42.560
And this is what I'm struggling with coaches.

1325
01:39:42.560 --> 01:39:51.760
Can you help me ladies to get used to like, like it's, it's, it's, it's this getting used

1326
01:39:51.760 --> 01:40:00.000
to the being comfortable coming to us here in community and showing up like, don't.

1327
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.040
Don't hesitate to share anything and everything that's coming on your mind.

1328
01:40:06.900 --> 01:40:15.440
Like, I would rather you all blow up the app to the point where like, I'm like

1329
01:40:17.300 --> 01:40:20.880
staying up till four o'clock in the morning just to, to try to get to every

1330
01:40:20.880 --> 01:40:21.520
single person.

1331
01:40:21.520 --> 01:40:27.760
Like, I feel like I've had to do that since this, the app literally like messed

1332
01:40:27.760 --> 01:40:29.760
up our admin reply stuff.

1333
01:40:29.760 --> 01:40:36.240
Like y'all like daily, I'm just like, Lord Jesus, help me.

1334
01:40:36.600 --> 01:40:40.840
Um, like I just told Ebony today, I'm like, Ebony, I literally think I've

1335
01:40:40.840 --> 01:40:44.340
gotten through everything in March and now I'm having to go back through

1336
01:40:44.340 --> 01:40:44.920
February.

1337
01:40:44.920 --> 01:40:50.320
I'm like, I just pray that I get to everybody.

1338
01:40:51.520 --> 01:40:55.800
So, um, but if I have to stay up till four in the morning, then by golly,

1339
01:40:55.800 --> 01:40:56.440
that's what I'm going to do.

1340
01:40:56.880 --> 01:41:03.200
I would rather you ladies showing up and letting us know and being vulnerable

1341
01:41:03.200 --> 01:41:03.960
with where you're at.

1342
01:41:03.960 --> 01:41:11.080
Like, there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with being like, look, I, I go

1343
01:41:11.080 --> 01:41:13.080
back and forth from being hopeful and disheartened.

1344
01:41:14.560 --> 01:41:16.960
Like y'all, that happened to me a lot.

1345
01:41:17.600 --> 01:41:20.920
You know, I went through a season where I was like, I'm done.

1346
01:41:21.240 --> 01:41:25.960
I'm so like, y'all, I got, and then y'all, I got in the group.

1347
01:41:26.880 --> 01:41:29.560
And I just laid it all out.

1348
01:41:30.040 --> 01:41:30.640
Okay.

1349
01:41:31.400 --> 01:41:39.840
And this community is such a loving place because the way I showed up, like

1350
01:41:41.400 --> 01:41:46.600
was probably not the prettiest, but because I did it, like God was able to

1351
01:41:46.600 --> 01:41:51.600
really work, but I remember going in one time, I mean, like, you know what?

1352
01:41:51.640 --> 01:41:53.400
I'm so fed up y'all.

1353
01:41:54.080 --> 01:41:58.800
I've been in this community for, and at this point, like it had been over a year.

1354
01:41:59.720 --> 01:42:01.920
And at the time it was called marrying in 12 months or less.

1355
01:42:02.200 --> 01:42:04.240
We weren't, we weren't always called last year, single it's

1356
01:42:04.240 --> 01:42:05.480
called married in 12 months or less.

1357
01:42:05.920 --> 01:42:13.320
And y'all I had, I was very sideways about, I was, I was one of those

1358
01:42:13.320 --> 01:42:15.440
women that I was always showing up.

1359
01:42:15.480 --> 01:42:16.880
I was at every call.

1360
01:42:16.880 --> 01:42:18.160
I was unmuting.

1361
01:42:18.160 --> 01:42:22.840
I was sharing what I was going through and trying to get dates

1362
01:42:22.840 --> 01:42:24.360
and guys didn't want to date me.

1363
01:42:24.560 --> 01:42:29.520
Get on the first date and like nothing had like this constant disappointment.

1364
01:42:30.440 --> 01:42:35.000
And y'all like, we would have this like women that would just, you know, every

1365
01:42:35.000 --> 01:42:38.440
month or two, we'd get a new challenge and a new group of women that would

1366
01:42:38.440 --> 01:42:41.760
come into our community and it would be like a few months down the road.

1367
01:42:41.760 --> 01:42:43.800
They would have like an engagement story.

1368
01:42:44.960 --> 01:42:47.800
Y'all I was very sideways about it.

1369
01:42:47.800 --> 01:42:49.600
And I'm like, you know, I'm so fed up.

1370
01:42:51.040 --> 01:42:52.080
I've been here.

1371
01:42:52.200 --> 01:42:55.960
I'm showing up why, you know, and I literally, I laid it out.

1372
01:42:56.040 --> 01:43:00.040
I was like, and why is this happening?

1373
01:43:00.120 --> 01:43:03.880
Why is it that I'm showing up and doing all these things and I'm doing what I'm

1374
01:43:03.880 --> 01:43:09.040
asked to do and these women who hardly show up, it literally just came in four

1375
01:43:09.040 --> 01:43:12.320
months ago and now they're sitting there picking out wedding dresses.

1376
01:43:14.560 --> 01:43:16.040
I did that y'all.

1377
01:43:18.080 --> 01:43:20.240
And thank goodness I did.

1378
01:43:20.240 --> 01:43:26.840
And like, you know, Jackie was, she just loved me through it.

1379
01:43:27.600 --> 01:43:29.080
Bethany loved me through it.

1380
01:43:29.520 --> 01:43:31.480
The sisters in the community loved me through it.

1381
01:43:32.680 --> 01:43:35.680
In fact, there was a lot of women that are like, you know, Carla, thank you for

1382
01:43:35.680 --> 01:43:37.240
saying that because that's where I'm at too.

1383
01:43:38.040 --> 01:43:39.360
I was just too afraid to say it.

1384
01:43:39.520 --> 01:43:48.920
And just being able to release that allowed, just to confess it, allow, it

1385
01:43:48.920 --> 01:43:52.640
opened me up for the ability for God then to start moving.

1386
01:43:53.040 --> 01:44:02.040
I had this community praying, you know, and Jackie and Bethany and a lot of the

1387
01:44:02.040 --> 01:44:05.600
women like, you know, pouring into me, asking me some difficult questions at

1388
01:44:05.600 --> 01:44:10.520
times that challenged me, some areas of healing that I needed to work on, some

1389
01:44:10.520 --> 01:44:14.600
other things that I, like a lot of it I saw had to, had to do with my own identity

1390
01:44:14.600 --> 01:44:16.600
and how I felt about my, my own self.

1391
01:44:17.880 --> 01:44:21.080
It was so much easier for me to look at other people, but it was, I was like,

1392
01:44:21.080 --> 01:44:23.320
man, no, this is a, this is reflective of me.

1393
01:44:24.280 --> 01:44:32.600
Like I want, I like, I want you ladies to feel encouraged to just

1394
01:44:32.640 --> 01:44:33.840
be yourself here.

1395
01:44:34.680 --> 01:44:42.280
There is nothing, nothing that y'all can't do, like that you can do here that

1396
01:44:42.280 --> 01:44:43.760
we're not going to love you through it.

1397
01:44:45.400 --> 01:44:49.800
And quite frankly, when you do, like you're going to have sisters who'll be

1398
01:44:49.800 --> 01:44:52.520
like, thank you so much for sharing that.

1399
01:44:53.120 --> 01:44:57.520
So like, girl, I just want you to know that you're not alone.

1400
01:44:57.520 --> 01:44:58.360
You're not alone.

1401
01:44:58.360 --> 01:44:59.200
You're not alone.

1402
01:44:59.200 --> 01:45:00.040
You're not alone.

1403
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.160
alone.

1404
01:45:02.160 --> 01:45:03.500
You're not.

1405
01:45:03.500 --> 01:45:05.240
And yeah, there are going to be times.

1406
01:45:05.240 --> 01:45:05.960
And you know what?

1407
01:45:05.960 --> 01:45:12.920
It's also OK to press pause on dating.

1408
01:45:12.920 --> 01:45:14.420
If you're like, look, I did this,

1409
01:45:14.420 --> 01:45:17.560
and this really upset me, and I, OK.

1410
01:45:17.560 --> 01:45:18.180
You know what?

1411
01:45:18.180 --> 01:45:19.760
We're going to have you pause.

1412
01:45:19.760 --> 01:45:22.880
And now we're going to sit here, and let's spend some time

1413
01:45:22.880 --> 01:45:24.320
with the Lord on this.

1414
01:45:24.320 --> 01:45:26.060
Let's walk you through this.

1415
01:45:26.060 --> 01:45:28.680
Let's partner with you on this.

1416
01:45:28.680 --> 01:45:31.740
We're here to do life with you.

1417
01:45:31.740 --> 01:45:34.580
That's what we're here for.

1418
01:45:34.580 --> 01:45:37.340
And when you do that, you'll be surprised.

1419
01:45:37.340 --> 01:45:40.900
You're going to start getting filled with more hope, more

1420
01:45:40.900 --> 01:45:41.660
encouragement.

1421
01:45:41.660 --> 01:45:43.180
You're going to get success.

1422
01:45:43.180 --> 01:45:43.900
You're going to celebrate.

1423
01:45:43.900 --> 01:45:44.980
You're going to see how you're growing,

1424
01:45:44.980 --> 01:45:47.220
and you're going to see how you're doing things differently.

1425
01:45:47.220 --> 01:45:49.320
And you're going to start seeing how things are

1426
01:45:49.320 --> 01:45:50.560
going to start turning around.

1427
01:45:54.260 --> 01:45:57.140
OK?

1428
01:45:57.160 --> 01:45:59.520
I will try to start posting more.

1429
01:45:59.520 --> 01:46:02.320
Girl, we got you, OK?

1430
01:46:02.320 --> 01:46:03.440
Thank you.

1431
01:46:03.440 --> 01:46:04.840
And I get it.

1432
01:46:04.840 --> 01:46:07.520
Life is tough.

1433
01:46:07.520 --> 01:46:09.680
Life gets in the way.

1434
01:46:09.680 --> 01:46:11.280
I mean, I had the luxury.

1435
01:46:11.280 --> 01:46:15.160
I joined in 2020 when the world was shut down.

1436
01:46:15.160 --> 01:46:19.760
But obviously, I've been here for five years.

1437
01:46:19.760 --> 01:46:22.680
And I'm still here.

1438
01:46:22.680 --> 01:46:26.200
By the grace of God, Jackie didn't kick me out.

1439
01:46:26.220 --> 01:46:29.260
So yeah.

1440
01:46:29.260 --> 01:46:32.620
But I just appreciate you showing up and just

1441
01:46:32.620 --> 01:46:34.380
sharing that with us.

1442
01:46:34.380 --> 01:46:38.340
Because I guarantee you, there's a lot of women on here

1443
01:46:38.340 --> 01:46:40.500
that are right where you're at.

1444
01:46:40.500 --> 01:46:42.620
Is my girl Iwani back yet?

1445
01:46:42.620 --> 01:46:45.660
I don't see her.

1446
01:46:45.660 --> 01:46:46.700
Girl, where'd she go?

1447
01:46:50.380 --> 01:46:52.940
Did she go?

1448
01:46:52.940 --> 01:46:55.140
Well, I wrote her name down, because then I'm literally

1449
01:46:55.140 --> 01:46:56.480
going to go search in her name.

1450
01:46:56.480 --> 01:47:01.040
And we are going to comb through that app.

1451
01:47:01.040 --> 01:47:05.120
And I'll stay up till 4 o'clock in the morning if I have to.

1452
01:47:05.120 --> 01:47:06.560
Lord Jesus, help me.

1453
01:47:09.800 --> 01:47:10.800
Oh, thank you.

1454
01:47:10.800 --> 01:47:12.200
She kind of thanked you.

1455
01:47:14.840 --> 01:47:21.600
Yeah, like, I'm here because of what was poured into me.

1456
01:47:21.600 --> 01:47:27.980
And I'm thankful that I get to show up and pour it back

1457
01:47:27.980 --> 01:47:28.980
into y'all.

1458
01:47:28.980 --> 01:47:33.100
It's what, like, it literally blesses me

1459
01:47:33.100 --> 01:47:36.780
to be able to do that for you all.

1460
01:47:36.780 --> 01:47:40.660
It's how I show my gratitude and thanks

1461
01:47:40.660 --> 01:47:42.060
for what God has done in my life.

1462
01:47:42.060 --> 01:47:43.740
Because ladies, if God's going to do it for me,

1463
01:47:43.740 --> 01:47:48.700
he's going to do it for you really well.

1464
01:47:48.700 --> 01:47:49.660
Like, I believe that.

1465
01:47:49.680 --> 01:47:51.600
I believe that with every ounce.

1466
01:47:51.600 --> 01:47:57.360
And when I was in the season, and I really, I was,

1467
01:47:57.360 --> 01:47:59.360
I went to Jackie, and I'm like, I'm done.

1468
01:47:59.360 --> 01:48:01.080
Like, this is just not going to happen.

1469
01:48:01.080 --> 01:48:03.520
I'm just, I'm giving up on marriage.

1470
01:48:03.520 --> 01:48:09.280
Like, I had a very, like, I like to call the come

1471
01:48:09.280 --> 01:48:11.920
to Jesus moment with Jackie.

1472
01:48:11.920 --> 01:48:13.760
This is when we were a much smaller community.

1473
01:48:13.760 --> 01:48:17.260
And I had, you know, was able to have some time with her.

1474
01:48:17.260 --> 01:48:20.560
And, you know, she said something to me

1475
01:48:20.560 --> 01:48:24.760
that has just has impacted me in so many ways.

1476
01:48:24.760 --> 01:48:27.880
And I've had so many full circle moments with it.

1477
01:48:27.880 --> 01:48:31.000
And I've been able to take what she was able to do for me

1478
01:48:31.000 --> 01:48:33.520
and give it back to so many of the women here.

1479
01:48:36.400 --> 01:48:41.200
She said, Karla, you're the bride.

1480
01:48:41.200 --> 01:48:43.040
And just borrow my faith.

1481
01:48:43.040 --> 01:48:45.280
I know you've been through a season,

1482
01:48:45.280 --> 01:48:46.880
and you didn't get what you wanted this year.

1483
01:48:47.000 --> 01:48:48.700
But you got what you needed.

1484
01:48:48.700 --> 01:48:52.740
And it's OK to borrow my faith.

1485
01:48:55.700 --> 01:48:58.100
And I was like, OK, Jackie, like,

1486
01:48:58.100 --> 01:49:00.460
it's going to have to be your faith because I just,

1487
01:49:00.460 --> 01:49:02.780
I don't know anymore.

1488
01:49:02.780 --> 01:49:08.940
And I held on to that thread of her faith

1489
01:49:08.940 --> 01:49:12.420
because I didn't have it.

1490
01:49:12.420 --> 01:49:15.180
I didn't have it anymore.

1491
01:49:15.180 --> 01:49:21.280
And, oh, literally seven days later after that conversation

1492
01:49:21.280 --> 01:49:23.200
is when my husband dropped to my DMs.

1493
01:49:23.200 --> 01:49:26.160
And then I was ready to cut and run for weeks.

1494
01:49:26.160 --> 01:49:29.040
I didn't, and she had to talk me off so many ledges.

1495
01:49:33.080 --> 01:49:35.040
But God did something really miraculous.

1496
01:49:35.040 --> 01:49:36.680
And it was his timing.

1497
01:49:36.680 --> 01:49:44.360
And it was, it had to be God.

1498
01:49:44.380 --> 01:49:48.500
And that's when I knew that that alone was the confirmation

1499
01:49:48.500 --> 01:49:51.260
that I needed, and the reassurance,

1500
01:49:51.260 --> 01:49:54.180
and what I have needed even in my marriage.

1501
01:49:54.180 --> 01:49:57.540
Because, y'all, marriage is not easy.

1502
01:49:57.540 --> 01:50:00.140
You get married, there is an.

1503
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.480
enemy that wants to kill, steal, and destroy marriage.

1504
01:50:04.480 --> 01:50:06.320
A lot of people think, oh, I'm going to get married.

1505
01:50:06.320 --> 01:50:07.080
Things are going to get better.

1506
01:50:07.080 --> 01:50:09.440
No, not always.

1507
01:50:09.440 --> 01:50:10.600
It's not always going to be easy.

1508
01:50:10.600 --> 01:50:14.600
If y'all saw Jackie posts on social media,

1509
01:50:14.600 --> 01:50:18.600
it's not always easy, but it's worth it.

1510
01:50:18.600 --> 01:50:22.120
You grow together.

1511
01:50:22.120 --> 01:50:25.000
There's so many beautiful things that happen in marriage,

1512
01:50:25.000 --> 01:50:27.480
and it doesn't look the way that we all

1513
01:50:27.480 --> 01:50:28.520
think it's going to look.

1514
01:50:28.520 --> 01:50:32.960
But it actually turns out better, really does.

1515
01:50:32.960 --> 01:50:37.160
And like I said, I borrowed her faith,

1516
01:50:37.160 --> 01:50:41.080
and I'd been in this community for over two years.

1517
01:50:41.080 --> 01:50:42.920
I was done.

1518
01:50:42.920 --> 01:50:43.920
I was absolutely done.

1519
01:50:43.920 --> 01:50:49.360
And seven days later, my husband dropped in my DMs.

1520
01:50:49.360 --> 01:50:51.720
So like I said, if it can happen for me,

1521
01:50:51.720 --> 01:50:53.560
it most certainly is going to happen for you.

1522
01:50:53.560 --> 01:50:57.240
So if anyone on this call just feels

1523
01:50:57.280 --> 01:50:59.880
like the faith isn't there anymore,

1524
01:50:59.880 --> 01:51:05.160
and they're losing hope, I will hold the space

1525
01:51:05.160 --> 01:51:07.200
for your faith and your hope.

1526
01:51:07.200 --> 01:51:09.640
And you get to borrow mine.

1527
01:51:09.640 --> 01:51:12.280
Because it was Jackie's faith that I borrowed

1528
01:51:12.280 --> 01:51:15.200
that got me to where I'm at.

1529
01:51:15.200 --> 01:51:18.240
And so that's what I'm here to give each and every one of you.

1530
01:51:20.920 --> 01:51:23.200
And so when you need the pep talk,

1531
01:51:23.200 --> 01:51:26.000
you need the big sister talk, you

1532
01:51:26.000 --> 01:51:30.240
need sometimes the Band-Aid ripped off, I've got you.

1533
01:51:30.240 --> 01:51:32.680
I've got you.

1534
01:51:32.680 --> 01:51:35.120
Most importantly, God's got you.

1535
01:51:39.040 --> 01:51:42.120
All right?

1536
01:51:42.120 --> 01:51:45.880
And my girl Luani's not that cool.

1537
01:51:45.880 --> 01:51:47.840
You're welcome, ladies.

1538
01:51:47.840 --> 01:51:50.120
This is why I love, like this is what I wish I literally

1539
01:51:50.120 --> 01:51:51.760
could have just the hour and a half just

1540
01:51:51.760 --> 01:51:54.760
to sit and chitchat with y'all, where

1541
01:51:54.760 --> 01:51:55.880
we can have these questions.

1542
01:51:55.880 --> 01:51:57.280
And so Rosanna, I'm going to, I'm

1543
01:51:57.280 --> 01:52:01.120
going to, can you be short, brief, and powerful for me?

1544
01:52:01.120 --> 01:52:02.120
OK, go.

1545
01:52:02.120 --> 01:52:05.360
Because I, like, I missed you.

1546
01:52:05.360 --> 01:52:06.920
You're like my birthday buddy.

1547
01:52:06.920 --> 01:52:08.520
Me, you and Evan are your birthday buddies.

1548
01:52:08.520 --> 01:52:09.680
Thank you, thank you.

1549
01:52:09.680 --> 01:52:12.440
Real quick, I decided I'm going to be taking a pause

1550
01:52:12.440 --> 01:52:13.120
on the apps.

1551
01:52:13.120 --> 01:52:14.800
I think I did about the seven dates.

1552
01:52:14.800 --> 01:52:17.800
I did a couple of phone calls, I did a couple of dates.

1553
01:52:17.800 --> 01:52:20.720
I gave a couple guys that I'm like, hey, I'm not in a space.

1554
01:52:20.720 --> 01:52:23.040
I'm realizing I am not in the capacity

1555
01:52:23.040 --> 01:52:24.560
to date anyone right now.

1556
01:52:24.560 --> 01:52:27.040
But the encouragement to get on the dates because of this push,

1557
01:52:27.040 --> 01:52:28.840
because I thought I wasn't going back on the apps again.

1558
01:52:28.840 --> 01:52:30.000
I was like, absolutely not.

1559
01:52:30.000 --> 01:52:30.720
And then I did.

1560
01:52:30.720 --> 01:52:31.720
It boosted, it helped.

1561
01:52:31.720 --> 01:52:35.000
I was a different woman than I was a year ago on these apps.

1562
01:52:35.000 --> 01:52:36.320
And it certainly encouraged me.

1563
01:52:36.320 --> 01:52:37.360
And I'm so excited.

1564
01:52:37.360 --> 01:52:40.000
And I'm a lot more concise with what I'm looking for,

1565
01:52:40.000 --> 01:52:41.360
what I tolerate.

1566
01:52:41.360 --> 01:52:44.120
And I'm also not as scared to vocalize to men

1567
01:52:44.120 --> 01:52:45.880
that I'm not able, I'm not in a capacity

1568
01:52:45.880 --> 01:52:48.840
to be able to date or talk, even to getting to know them.

1569
01:52:48.840 --> 01:52:50.200
Even some incredible men.

1570
01:52:50.200 --> 01:52:51.880
And I was like, oh, no, but if I don't.

1571
01:52:51.880 --> 01:52:54.080
But my cousin's like, that's a scarcity mindset.

1572
01:52:54.080 --> 01:52:54.640
Don't worry.

1573
01:52:54.640 --> 01:52:55.440
Like, oh, but what if?

1574
01:52:55.440 --> 01:52:56.480
I was like, no, no, no.

1575
01:52:56.480 --> 01:52:57.000
That's right.

1576
01:52:57.000 --> 01:52:58.480
God is not a god of scarcity.

1577
01:52:58.480 --> 01:53:02.120
However, I will say that there is one friend that I have,

1578
01:53:02.120 --> 01:53:06.160
I am willing to talk to.

1579
01:53:06.160 --> 01:53:10.040
He and I are, I'm liking that.

1580
01:53:10.040 --> 01:53:12.000
So there's no exclusivity.

1581
01:53:12.000 --> 01:53:14.080
And some things have popped up in our lives

1582
01:53:14.080 --> 01:53:17.720
recently, just individually with medical issues and work issues.

1583
01:53:17.720 --> 01:53:20.760
And I'm content where I am getting to know him.

1584
01:53:20.760 --> 01:53:23.440
And I think we're both in a place like, wow, life's got hard.

1585
01:53:23.440 --> 01:53:25.920
So we don't know what to pursue right now.

1586
01:53:25.920 --> 01:53:28.720
But I really want to get to know him as a friend.

1587
01:53:28.720 --> 01:53:30.840
It seems really dope.

1588
01:53:30.840 --> 01:53:33.840
You're in a place of supernatural surrender.

1589
01:53:33.840 --> 01:53:34.360
Yeah.

1590
01:53:34.360 --> 01:53:37.160
And that's what I've loved about watching you in this season

1591
01:53:37.160 --> 01:53:41.560
and getting to witness and see you through this journey

1592
01:53:41.560 --> 01:53:45.480
is there is a presence.

1593
01:53:45.480 --> 01:53:47.960
Like, I'm a feeler, y'all.

1594
01:53:47.960 --> 01:53:50.640
OK, that's just one of my things.

1595
01:53:50.640 --> 01:53:53.640
That's one of my gifts is that I just feel.

1596
01:53:53.640 --> 01:54:03.000
And with you, like, I can just feel the peace and the growth

1597
01:54:03.000 --> 01:54:07.520
and just, like, literally there is a rejuvenation

1598
01:54:07.520 --> 01:54:13.640
and a healing that is just covering you.

1599
01:54:13.640 --> 01:54:18.000
And it has been amazing to watch.

1600
01:54:18.000 --> 01:54:25.400
And I think that alone has been one big success for you.

1601
01:54:25.400 --> 01:54:27.960
And, you know, God sees it.

1602
01:54:27.960 --> 01:54:29.760
He's honoring it.

1603
01:54:29.760 --> 01:54:30.800
He's walking.

1604
01:54:30.800 --> 01:54:33.480
He is not wasting anything.

1605
01:54:33.480 --> 01:54:35.160
And this goes for all of you ladies.

1606
01:54:35.160 --> 01:54:37.320
God doesn't waste anything.

1607
01:54:40.760 --> 01:54:45.160
And so, like, whatever season you're

1608
01:54:45.200 --> 01:54:48.880
in in this whole process that you're walking through,

1609
01:54:48.880 --> 01:54:51.880
don't compare yourself to what someone else is doing

1610
01:54:51.880 --> 01:54:52.760
or not doing.

1611
01:54:52.760 --> 01:54:56.960
And it doesn't look like this person, and then I'm doing this.

1612
01:54:56.960 --> 01:55:01.480
Again, I'm not saying that you're not going to have it.

1613
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.700
have moments of like that. But if you do find yourself having

1614
01:55:02.700 --> 01:55:08.360
moments like that, share it. Okay, but it's been beautiful

1615
01:55:08.360 --> 01:55:13.680
just to watch like, you've had this transformation. And I mean,

1616
01:55:13.680 --> 01:55:17.520
I wasn't in phase one coaching in phase one, I don't know, like

1617
01:55:17.520 --> 01:55:24.240
all your backstory. But I can feel it. I really can. And like,

1618
01:55:24.760 --> 01:55:28.800
you just I know you're you're showing up different because

1619
01:55:30.720 --> 01:55:35.400
you like you you give that presence off. Because it's

1620
01:55:35.400 --> 01:55:39.640
literally that heart transformation is taking place.

1621
01:55:41.480 --> 01:55:46.120
And like, it's what you've needed. And it's just again,

1622
01:55:46.120 --> 01:55:49.600
like, you are walking in obedience, and you're abiding

1623
01:55:49.600 --> 01:55:53.960
in him, and he is just going to honor that. And like, you know,

1624
01:55:53.960 --> 01:55:56.440
God is just going to be continuing to just do beautiful

1625
01:55:56.440 --> 01:56:01.320
things in your life. And, you know, you can trust in his

1626
01:56:01.320 --> 01:56:09.560
timing. And so, so ladies, sometimes it, it, it, it might

1627
01:56:09.560 --> 01:56:12.720
just be like, I just need to go on the dating apps for a little

1628
01:56:12.720 --> 01:56:15.080
while. And then there might be an app like a time where you're

1629
01:56:15.080 --> 01:56:17.920
like, okay, I'm gonna put things on pause. And guess what, that's

1630
01:56:17.920 --> 01:56:23.080
okay. And then, you know, here in a few months, she might

1631
01:56:23.080 --> 01:56:27.320
decide, you know what, some things have settled, God did

1632
01:56:27.320 --> 01:56:31.960
some things. And she's seen some, you know, fruit from her

1633
01:56:31.960 --> 01:56:35.960
obedience, and what God is just really doing. And just the the

1634
01:56:35.960 --> 01:56:40.320
things that she's experiencing. And she, you know, she might be

1635
01:56:40.320 --> 01:56:42.280
like, you know, I feel like God's calling me back to this.

1636
01:56:42.280 --> 01:56:46.920
And then, who knows? We don't know what it looks like. We

1637
01:56:46.920 --> 01:56:49.880
really don't. Like, that's kind of the cool thing. Like, think

1638
01:56:49.880 --> 01:56:54.040
about it, ladies. Like, it's, I don't know about you all. But

1639
01:56:54.040 --> 01:56:59.080
when I go to the movies, like, I, I mean, I like watching

1640
01:56:59.080 --> 01:57:01.560
movies I've seen before. But there's just something about

1641
01:57:01.560 --> 01:57:04.880
watching a movie for the first time, because you have no idea

1642
01:57:04.920 --> 01:57:10.080
what, what it's like, what the ending is gonna look like. Like,

1643
01:57:10.480 --> 01:57:13.240
we get to experience that with our lives and our love stories

1644
01:57:13.240 --> 01:57:16.520
and all these things like we don't get, we don't get to see

1645
01:57:16.520 --> 01:57:20.480
the ending. There's no book that we get to flip to the very

1646
01:57:20.480 --> 01:57:23.040
end, you know, because I don't know about you, but I was always

1647
01:57:23.040 --> 01:57:26.760
that person that I would read the last couple pages of a book

1648
01:57:26.800 --> 01:57:31.840
because I just wait. Okay. There's, I just couldn't. I was

1649
01:57:31.840 --> 01:57:35.680
a slow reader, y'all. Like, I just didn't have the patience.

1650
01:57:36.000 --> 01:57:39.560
But, you know, but there is like, there's just something

1651
01:57:39.560 --> 01:57:43.320
about watching a movie for the first time and seeing the

1652
01:57:43.320 --> 01:57:46.360
ending or reading a book and actually waiting, which again,

1653
01:57:46.360 --> 01:57:50.040
never really happened often to me. But with our life, like we

1654
01:57:50.040 --> 01:57:54.280
don't, we, we actually don't know what the ending looks like.

1655
01:57:54.320 --> 01:58:04.880
And so, but what we do know, and what God tells us is that he's,

1656
01:58:05.920 --> 01:58:12.440
he's good. He's got the victory. He's working all things out for

1657
01:58:12.440 --> 01:58:17.920
our good. That's a promise. And he's not a liar. God is not a

1658
01:58:17.920 --> 01:58:23.000
liar. So we know it's a good ending. It's not one of those

1659
01:58:24.400 --> 01:58:29.360
crappy movies that have those really crappy endings. Okay.

1660
01:58:29.960 --> 01:58:34.400
Like, those are the movies that I don't like. All right. We're

1661
01:58:34.400 --> 01:58:36.040
just like, really like that.

1662
01:58:37.040 --> 01:58:41.840
I don't like that, you know. Um, but

1663
01:58:42.360 --> 01:58:45.600
may I ask something really quick? Like, I'm content being

1664
01:58:45.600 --> 01:58:49.880
this. I'm content getting to know this one. This friend. Like

1665
01:58:49.880 --> 01:58:53.360
I just want to be his best friend. We just laugh and he

1666
01:58:53.360 --> 01:58:57.160
just he can be himself with me and I can see him for what he

1667
01:58:57.160 --> 01:58:59.680
is. And maybe I'm just a lot I'm here to walk in this journey

1668
01:58:59.680 --> 01:59:02.360
with his medical ish. I don't know. But like, we're not

1669
01:59:02.360 --> 01:59:05.880
putting any, we're not putting anything on anything. I just

1670
01:59:05.880 --> 01:59:09.160
want to be I really want to get to know this person, whatever it

1671
01:59:09.160 --> 01:59:11.680
looks like. But I definitely have. And I was speaking to a

1672
01:59:11.680 --> 01:59:14.480
girl who I've gotten connected with because you guys say get to

1673
01:59:14.480 --> 01:59:16.680
know these ladies. Well, you know what, we exchange numbers.

1674
01:59:16.840 --> 01:59:19.600
This girl and I happen to do time and seasons together. And

1675
01:59:19.600 --> 01:59:21.960
then I happen to see her on Saturday prayer with

1676
01:59:22.000 --> 01:59:24.480
supernatural. And I was like, Oh my gosh, how are you? She's

1677
01:59:24.480 --> 01:59:27.760
like, Hey, your word that you spoke is literally coming. And

1678
01:59:27.760 --> 01:59:30.040
that was a confirmation to me. And then she and I exchanged

1679
01:59:30.040 --> 01:59:32.200
numbers. We just talked two days ago. I'm like, girl, I need to

1680
01:59:32.200 --> 01:59:34.800
tell you about this guy. Tell me about your guy. And we did that.

1681
01:59:34.800 --> 01:59:37.840
Like, I'm putting into action what you guys have said. And I'm

1682
01:59:37.840 --> 01:59:40.080
making a friendship with this woman in Colorado, and I'm in

1683
01:59:40.080 --> 01:59:43.520
Ohio. All that is like, I was like, Can you pray for me? Can

1684
01:59:43.520 --> 01:59:46.400
you tell me what's going on? We were laughing like school girls

1685
01:59:46.400 --> 01:59:50.440
because of some of the stuff she shared. Yes. And she spoke over

1686
01:59:50.440 --> 01:59:52.960
something. And it was funny because the way the word that

1687
01:59:52.960 --> 01:59:56.520
she gave me of just like, I feel like this is what the Lord is

1688
01:59:56.520 --> 01:59:59.160
telling me take it or leave it, pray about it. Which is really

1689
01:59:59.160 --> 02:00:00.120
ironic because the word

1690
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.760
she gave me is actually the meaning of this man's name.

1691
02:00:02.760 --> 02:00:05.160
And I'm like, oh, I'm like, Jesus, what are you?

1692
02:00:05.160 --> 02:00:08.120
And I'm trying to be like, calm it down, calm it,

1693
02:00:08.120 --> 02:00:10.640
just like Patty was like, don't read into it,

1694
02:00:10.640 --> 02:00:11.840
don't read into it.

1695
02:00:11.840 --> 02:00:15.280
And I'm like, I'm gonna trust you, Lord,

1696
02:00:15.280 --> 02:00:17.420
and we're just gonna be friends for right now.

1697
02:00:17.420 --> 02:00:19.400
But I'm liking being his friend,

1698
02:00:19.400 --> 02:00:20.640
I'll just tell you that right now.

1699
02:00:20.640 --> 02:00:22.800
So we've been on two dates already.

1700
02:00:22.800 --> 02:00:25.080
I just wanna know, is it cool that I wanna be friends,

1701
02:00:25.080 --> 02:00:26.280
but I also put pause on it,

1702
02:00:26.280 --> 02:00:27.120
because I'm not trying to meet,

1703
02:00:27.120 --> 02:00:29.040
I don't have capacity to meet other people right now.

1704
02:00:29.040 --> 02:00:32.800
Yeah, again, yeah, you're good.

1705
02:00:32.800 --> 02:00:34.320
Like, again, you've had,

1706
02:00:34.320 --> 02:00:36.640
like, I can tell that there's been a lot of healing,

1707
02:00:36.640 --> 02:00:40.520
like, in you, that this is, and you're involved,

1708
02:00:40.520 --> 02:00:43.840
and like, you're connected, and you're engaged in community.

1709
02:00:43.840 --> 02:00:46.880
You know, don't, just don't go rogue on us, okay?

1710
02:00:46.880 --> 02:00:48.040
No, I don't wanna do that.

1711
02:00:48.040 --> 02:00:49.200
I don't wanna do that. Yeah, don't do that.

1712
02:00:49.200 --> 02:00:50.480
Okay, ladies, that goes for all of you.

1713
02:00:50.480 --> 02:00:52.000
Don't go rogue, all right?

1714
02:00:52.000 --> 02:00:52.840
Don't do it.

1715
02:00:54.400 --> 02:00:56.860
And, you know, stay connected, like, you know,

1716
02:00:56.860 --> 02:00:58.320
that's important, and I love that.

1717
02:00:58.320 --> 02:01:02.920
I love that you're taking the wisdom,

1718
02:01:02.920 --> 02:01:05.680
and you're absorbing it, and you're putting it into practice,

1719
02:01:05.680 --> 02:01:09.840
because, yes, y'all, get connected with each other.

1720
02:01:09.840 --> 02:01:11.800
You know, I was in Florida, and I mean,

1721
02:01:11.800 --> 02:01:15.600
I had just women from this community all over the place.

1722
02:01:15.600 --> 02:01:19.300
Like, y'all meet Erin Joy when you moved to phase three.

1723
02:01:19.300 --> 02:01:21.820
She's in North Carolina, I've met her.

1724
02:01:21.820 --> 02:01:24.880
There's women in Atlanta that I have known,

1725
02:01:25.160 --> 02:01:30.160
and spent time with, Missouri, Indiana.

1726
02:01:30.280 --> 02:01:32.320
Bethany was in Kentucky, and then Indiana,

1727
02:01:32.320 --> 02:01:34.240
and now she's back down to Florida.

1728
02:01:34.240 --> 02:01:39.240
Texas, California, just all over, y'all, all over.

1729
02:01:41.320 --> 02:01:46.160
Wisconsin, and then my, I flew my youngest

1730
02:01:46.160 --> 02:01:49.920
to go visit his dad, and we flew into Green Bay,

1731
02:01:49.920 --> 02:01:53.000
which is like the tiniest airport ever.

1732
02:01:53.000 --> 02:01:54.680
Well, she lives 15 minutes from the airport,

1733
02:01:55.480 --> 02:01:58.120
and so she literally came and hung out with me.

1734
02:01:58.120 --> 02:02:01.040
Like, I'm telling you, like, get connected,

1735
02:02:01.040 --> 02:02:02.520
and then I was living in Florida,

1736
02:02:02.520 --> 02:02:03.800
and then I ended up moving to Texas.

1737
02:02:03.800 --> 02:02:05.600
I'm in Dallas, you know, Fort Worth now,

1738
02:02:05.600 --> 02:02:08.500
and so, like, there's several girls here.

1739
02:02:08.500 --> 02:02:10.160
I mean, even just this weekend, ladies,

1740
02:02:10.160 --> 02:02:12.160
get in single cities if you are in, like,

1741
02:02:12.160 --> 02:02:13.840
a single city area.

1742
02:02:13.840 --> 02:02:15.320
Like, I literally was like, you know what?

1743
02:02:15.320 --> 02:02:16.440
My husband and I have been, like,

1744
02:02:16.440 --> 02:02:20.840
wanting to go to Upper Room, and so I was like,

1745
02:02:20.840 --> 02:02:23.600
hey, like, my family and I, we're gonna go check out

1746
02:02:23.600 --> 02:02:25.200
Upper Room if anybody wants to join.

1747
02:02:25.200 --> 02:02:29.080
One of the girls is like, hey, it's actually where I go,

1748
02:02:29.080 --> 02:02:32.040
and if you want the Upper Room experience, come on Saturday.

1749
02:02:32.040 --> 02:02:34.440
So we, I put it in a single city.

1750
02:02:34.440 --> 02:02:37.520
Like, anybody wants to meet up, we're gonna do this,

1751
02:02:37.520 --> 02:02:39.480
and then we're gonna go to brunch.

1752
02:02:39.480 --> 02:02:43.800
And, like, we threw it out there.

1753
02:02:43.800 --> 02:02:46.960
Like, get connected, do life with each other.

1754
02:02:46.960 --> 02:02:51.200
Like, it's just, it will be a blessing.

1755
02:02:51.200 --> 02:02:52.360
Like, it really will.

1756
02:02:52.360 --> 02:02:57.360
And so, yeah, girl, you enjoy the season

1757
02:02:57.480 --> 02:03:00.280
that God is literally walking you through.

1758
02:03:00.280 --> 02:03:04.280
Like, there is a peace and a joy that is just,

1759
02:03:04.280 --> 02:03:06.240
that literally is covering you,

1760
02:03:06.240 --> 02:03:08.480
and the healing and the rejuvenation

1761
02:03:08.480 --> 02:03:13.480
that is all over you is good, it's contagious,

1762
02:03:14.360 --> 02:03:19.360
it's, like, sit in that, soak in that, okay?

1763
02:03:20.200 --> 02:03:22.160
Thank you, I needed to hear that encouragement,

1764
02:03:22.160 --> 02:03:23.720
because my mind has been all over the place,

1765
02:03:23.720 --> 02:03:26.160
and because a lot of people who are well-meaning

1766
02:03:26.160 --> 02:03:27.720
say lots of stuff, and I'm like, listen,

1767
02:03:27.720 --> 02:03:29.880
I'm abiding in the Lord.

1768
02:03:29.880 --> 02:03:30.720
Amen.

1769
02:03:30.720 --> 02:03:32.240
It's a yes until it's a no.

1770
02:03:32.240 --> 02:03:34.320
I'm not getting any no's, I'm listening,

1771
02:03:34.320 --> 02:03:36.600
I'm seeing the reality of this person,

1772
02:03:36.600 --> 02:03:38.400
and there will be an understanding

1773
02:03:38.400 --> 02:03:41.040
if something has to change on a romantic level,

1774
02:03:41.040 --> 02:03:41.880
or just to stay on a friendly level.

1775
02:03:41.880 --> 02:03:43.840
God is going to let you know and let you see

1776
02:03:43.840 --> 02:03:45.800
what you need to know and what you need to see

1777
02:03:45.800 --> 02:03:47.480
when you need to know it.

1778
02:03:47.480 --> 02:03:48.320
Amen.

1779
02:03:48.800 --> 02:03:50.080
Okay, so I don't have to control it,

1780
02:03:50.080 --> 02:03:51.520
because I feel like I want to.

1781
02:03:51.520 --> 02:03:54.680
No, oh no, no, girl, you're not picking up the control.

1782
02:03:54.680 --> 02:03:55.960
No, no, no, no, no, no.

1783
02:03:55.960 --> 02:03:58.840
And if you ever feel like you do,

1784
02:03:58.840 --> 02:04:01.040
and you need a sister, come to me,

1785
02:04:01.040 --> 02:04:04.040
because I'm a control freak as well,

1786
02:04:04.040 --> 02:04:06.760
and it's something that I'm working on myself.

1787
02:04:06.760 --> 02:04:08.320
Okay?

1788
02:04:08.320 --> 02:04:12.200
So we can, like, help each other with that, all right?

1789
02:04:12.200 --> 02:04:13.680
Thank you so much, thank you.

1790
02:04:13.680 --> 02:04:14.760
Yeah, absolutely.

1791
02:04:14.760 --> 02:04:17.800
Ladies, this is not just about finding our spirit mate,

1792
02:04:18.320 --> 02:04:19.680
it's about what does God want to do

1793
02:04:19.680 --> 02:04:22.480
and grow and heal in us in general?

1794
02:04:22.480 --> 02:04:25.000
Because all of it is preparation

1795
02:04:25.000 --> 02:04:30.000
for stepping you into relationship and marriage.

1796
02:04:32.080 --> 02:04:35.120
But it's going to, this is going to bless not just marriage,

1797
02:04:35.120 --> 02:04:37.920
but it's going to bless all your relationships.

1798
02:04:40.200 --> 02:04:44.200
I mean, God's, you've got a bigger assignment than marriage.

1799
02:04:45.200 --> 02:04:48.600
God's called you to something bigger than just marriage.

1800
02:04:48.600 --> 02:04:51.320
There's other purposes that you are here.

1801
02:04:51.320 --> 02:04:55.040
It's not just to be a wife, it's for other things too.

1802
02:04:55.040 --> 02:05:00.040
And so, you know, allow this community to be that.

1803
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:08.720
opportunity for you. Okay, we've got you. We're here for you. Sandy, is it the worst if like,

1804
02:05:08.720 --> 02:05:18.080
okay, I know. It's got to be like two minutes. Okay, so I'm trying to figure out discernment.

1805
02:05:18.080 --> 02:05:24.960
So that's my preface of my question. So I started dating somebody.

1806
02:05:24.960 --> 02:05:33.680
And basically, he was came from a singles group and but he also ended up he's out he goes to my

1807
02:05:33.680 --> 02:05:43.360
church. Amazing. Um, so what happened is we were going to this something, a meeting, we're going

1808
02:05:43.360 --> 02:05:53.200
to go to like a conference. And I somebody goes, I guess there's the police and the security came

1809
02:05:53.280 --> 02:06:01.360
and said, Hey, we need to escort you out. And I asked him to him to the guy that I'm seeing.

1810
02:06:02.080 --> 02:06:07.760
I said, Okay, what's going on? Because he seems like a very, very, he's a very godly person,

1811
02:06:07.760 --> 02:06:12.720
you know, and then she called me and told him because he left because he had to go.

1812
02:06:13.280 --> 02:06:21.840
I said, What happened? And he said to me that several years ago, he was involved in a singles

1813
02:06:21.840 --> 02:06:26.960
group. And there was this Christian singles group and there was alcohol involved. And he

1814
02:06:26.960 --> 02:06:31.840
was aggressive. He doesn't know exactly what all happened, because he kind of blanked out.

1815
02:06:32.480 --> 02:06:43.360
And he had pushed a girl into the pool. And okay, so so he blacked out he he didn't realize

1816
02:06:43.360 --> 02:06:46.800
and again, I guess he was aggressive with her and pushed her into the pool. And I was like, Okay,

1817
02:06:47.760 --> 02:06:53.040
so I then I wanted to ask him more further, but I didn't feel like it was time.

1818
02:06:54.480 --> 02:06:59.680
Then I tried to ask him the other night, okay, so tell me exactly I'm kind of confused at what's

1819
02:06:59.680 --> 02:07:04.000
going on. You know what that was all about? He's like, Yeah, they just need to learn a lot of

1820
02:07:04.000 --> 02:07:08.480
forgiveness. I worked on that for like a whole year with people and they need to learn how to

1821
02:07:08.560 --> 02:07:17.680
forgive. So my question is, is I don't know if this is like a red flag. I'm trying to figure it

1822
02:07:17.680 --> 02:07:24.240
out. Okay, first, okay, real quick. How long have you been getting to know him? Two and a half

1823
02:07:24.240 --> 02:07:35.760
months. Okay. So what other things have you seen in this two and a half months before this situation

1824
02:07:35.760 --> 02:07:46.240
happened? Is there been any yellow flags? His temper? His is no drinking? No, no, but he had

1825
02:07:46.240 --> 02:07:55.360
told somebody that I know because that he had a drinking problem in the past, but he doesn't tell

1826
02:07:55.360 --> 02:08:00.480
me that. Okay, so you guys have been dating for two and a half months. How many dates would you

1827
02:08:00.480 --> 02:08:12.880
say that you have been on? Two to three per week. Okay. So girl, you're not exclusive, correct? He

1828
02:08:12.880 --> 02:08:18.320
hasn't asked for exclusivity? He has. Yeah, but we're not intimate or anything. So yes.

1829
02:08:19.200 --> 02:08:25.680
You're exclusive, but you're not intimate? Correct. Okay. So you're level three.

1830
02:08:26.480 --> 02:08:33.440
Oh, okay. Okay. He's, he's asked you like, I only want to date you and you were only dating him.

1831
02:08:33.440 --> 02:08:40.400
Correct. Okay. So you're not into, so you're not having sex, which ladies aren't having sex

1832
02:08:40.400 --> 02:08:46.560
with anybody. All right. And if you ladies, if you are like, there is no shame, but like,

1833
02:08:48.080 --> 02:08:52.160
we're going to want you to come and have a conversation with us about that because we're

1834
02:08:52.160 --> 02:08:55.440
going to need to coach you through that, but I'm not going to sidebar here real quick.

1835
02:08:55.440 --> 02:09:02.800
Um, have you, have you kissed him? Yes. Okay. So you're level three. Oh, okay. All right. You're

1836
02:09:02.800 --> 02:09:09.840
level three. You got a level three relationship. All right. So now it's, you have these conversations,

1837
02:09:11.440 --> 02:09:18.080
you, you get to have these conversations. Okay. So what we coach for a lot of these women is

1838
02:09:18.080 --> 02:09:23.280
because they're level one, level two, they, they haven't really gotten to know these guys. They're,

1839
02:09:23.280 --> 02:09:27.600
they're only been on like, you know, two or three dates. You are going on two or three

1840
02:09:27.600 --> 02:09:36.080
dates a week with him. You are doing life with him. You're seeing him in community and church.

1841
02:09:36.080 --> 02:09:43.040
Like you guys are, you're seeing like what this would look like if you continue to walk down a

1842
02:09:43.040 --> 02:09:51.920
path of where intentionally, like, where is this going to go? Yeah. Right. Right. So now it,

1843
02:09:51.920 --> 02:09:59.360
it is about having honest conversation and having, cause ladies marriage is going to.

1844
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:07.600
require you to have some not-so-great conversations. So there's preparation and

1845
02:10:07.600 --> 02:10:13.200
exclusive level three relationship of when situations like this happen you are

1846
02:10:13.200 --> 02:10:17.680
going to want to see how do they navigate and how do they show up when

1847
02:10:17.680 --> 02:10:25.280
there's conflict. Is he open with you and being honest with you about

1848
02:10:25.280 --> 02:10:32.000
what he's struggled with. If he has a struggle with alcohol and he is yet

1849
02:10:32.000 --> 02:10:36.200
to share that with you and you're hearing that from someone else I would

1850
02:10:36.200 --> 02:10:40.080
say hey I there's something concerning that I'm hearing and I need to know what

1851
02:10:40.080 --> 02:10:47.000
this is. Okay. And again it's having those conversations but I

1852
02:10:47.000 --> 02:10:52.640
want you to be communicating here with us not just here on the calls okay I

1853
02:10:52.640 --> 02:10:57.520
want you in the app as well like let us know. So I asked to be in level three

1854
02:10:57.520 --> 02:11:04.360
and they said I had to need to pay like a $39 or something per month so

1855
02:11:04.360 --> 02:11:10.080
as I go. Okay yeah so we're talking about membership. I'm talking about your

1856
02:11:10.080 --> 02:11:14.040
level of relationship. I'm not talking about the phase in which you're in this

1857
02:11:14.040 --> 02:11:20.600
community. Okay. Watch the dating 101 video in yeah okay yeah that's where I'm

1858
02:11:20.600 --> 02:11:26.600
talking about the levels of dating. Level three is exclusivity. Okay you're in a

1859
02:11:26.600 --> 02:11:31.200
level three exclusive relationship but you're still here in phase two with us.

1860
02:11:31.200 --> 02:11:36.880
I like to call it like it's love story accelerator. I like dating for

1861
02:11:36.880 --> 02:11:41.000
discovery but it doesn't mean that we don't have women that have exclusive

1862
02:11:41.000 --> 02:11:50.240
relationship in this phase but yes when you shift over to phase three which is

1863
02:11:50.240 --> 02:11:55.240
the all community the VIP community that is it's a monthly it's a monthly

1864
02:11:55.240 --> 02:12:01.480
fee. Okay. Which it's no I mean there's there's things that are different there

1865
02:12:01.480 --> 02:12:07.600
than there are here but it's very similar. Okay. But what I'm saying is I

1866
02:12:07.600 --> 02:12:14.560
want you still showing up to coaching calls. Okay. Whether you're in phase two

1867
02:12:14.560 --> 02:12:18.520
or phase three we can sort that out later but I want you showing up in in

1868
02:12:18.520 --> 02:12:21.880
these coaching calls I want you keeping us updated with what the relationships

1869
02:12:21.880 --> 02:12:25.560
look like what what's what your experience is because ladies when you

1870
02:12:25.560 --> 02:12:30.200
get into level three exclusive relationships what will happen is

1871
02:12:30.200 --> 02:12:34.240
oftentimes like ladies will just kind of scoot out of here but that's when you

1872
02:12:34.240 --> 02:12:37.920
really need to be showing up more. Oh that's where I need to show up more

1873
02:12:37.920 --> 02:12:42.080
because I don't want to make a huge life mistake. Because we're here to be your

1874
02:12:42.080 --> 02:12:46.120
blind spot. Yeah. We're here to see any of those blind spots that you might have

1875
02:12:46.120 --> 02:12:52.920
and and help you kind of uncover anything any patterns that you haven't

1876
02:12:52.920 --> 02:12:57.880
even been able to recognize yet and we want to help help you navigate those. So

1877
02:12:57.880 --> 02:13:02.000
I want you to have some of these conversations with him and I want you to

1878
02:13:02.000 --> 02:13:07.920
be mindful of how are you responding how how are you showing up what are you

1879
02:13:07.920 --> 02:13:15.680
feeling what are you thinking those emotions do they feel is there any

1880
02:13:15.680 --> 02:13:23.200
thing familiar about it like familiar from your past. To my first

1881
02:13:23.200 --> 02:13:30.240
marriage is when my friends told me about the warning signal he repented

1882
02:13:30.240 --> 02:13:38.680
basically my first ex-husband but that was a pattern that they asked me like

1883
02:13:38.680 --> 02:13:42.600
okay he has this control issue well he had a control issue throughout my whole

1884
02:13:42.600 --> 02:13:48.280
marriage. So that's what I'm saying we want you we want you showing up so that

1885
02:13:48.280 --> 02:13:53.120
we can walk this this relationship out with you. I'm not saying like again we

1886
02:13:53.120 --> 02:13:58.960
want to be able to see if these are red flags or if they're green flags. Okay.

1887
02:13:58.960 --> 02:14:05.240
These are yellow flags. You got yellow flags. Okay. You do. Yeah yeah yeah I mean we all have yellow flags.

1888
02:14:05.240 --> 02:14:09.360
You got ladies you got him you got police showing up and escorting your

1889
02:14:09.360 --> 02:14:12.920
boyfriend out and you didn't you have no idea what's going on that's that's a

1890
02:14:12.920 --> 02:14:17.240
yellow flag and he you have no clue what's going on you finding out that he

1891
02:14:17.240 --> 02:14:23.280
had a drinking problem he hasn't told you about that that's a problem like we

1892
02:14:23.280 --> 02:14:27.600
need to have conversations about this but you're in level three now so we got

1893
02:14:27.600 --> 02:14:34.640
to help we don't want you to sit here and like have a meltdown either okay so

1894
02:14:34.640 --> 02:14:38.600
we're here to navigate this you're you're there's there's nothing you've

1895
02:14:38.600 --> 02:14:48.320
done that's messed up that that to use right now okay like we got you God's got

1896
02:14:48.320 --> 02:14:53.640
you. I don't want to ban him. I mean I enjoy his company and I mean I see who he is

1897
02:14:53.640 --> 02:14:59.080
within my church everybody knows him and like they don't know me but they

1898
02:14:59.080 --> 02:15:01.560
know him.

1899
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:06.400
And he's so friendly with everybody and he's just, yeah, now you get to see what, you know,

1900
02:15:06.400 --> 02:15:10.040
what conflict can look like in relationship and you're going to navigate, what does it

1901
02:15:10.040 --> 02:15:11.040
look like for him?

1902
02:15:11.040 --> 02:15:12.040
How does he show up?

1903
02:15:12.040 --> 02:15:15.280
But you're going to get to sit here and see, how are you showing up?

1904
02:15:15.280 --> 02:15:19.240
Is there anything that God's revealing to you that, you know, there's some healing that

1905
02:15:19.240 --> 02:15:23.880
needs to happen in you or some, you know, patterns or behaviors that are showing up

1906
02:15:23.880 --> 02:15:28.720
in you that God wants you to, to investigate and to kind of look at.

1907
02:15:28.720 --> 02:15:29.720
Okay.

1908
02:15:29.720 --> 02:15:34.440
And so I want you to not just be mindful of how he's showing up, but be checking in with

1909
02:15:34.440 --> 02:15:36.080
yourself and have some self-awareness.

1910
02:15:36.080 --> 02:15:43.000
And that's why coming in community and sharing with us the process and, Hey, I had the conversation.

1911
02:15:43.000 --> 02:15:44.000
This is what happened.

1912
02:15:44.000 --> 02:15:45.000
Oh.

1913
02:15:45.000 --> 02:15:48.760
And then, then if something else happens and you're sharing that with us here, and we're

1914
02:15:48.760 --> 02:15:55.360
going to be able to ask you some good questions and help you navigate this way better.

1915
02:15:55.360 --> 02:15:56.360
Okay.

1916
02:15:56.360 --> 02:15:57.760
Well, thank you.

1917
02:15:57.760 --> 02:15:58.760
That's why you have us.

1918
02:15:58.800 --> 02:15:59.800
Yeah.

1919
02:15:59.800 --> 02:16:03.320
We're like, we're your coaches because we're here to coach you through that.

1920
02:16:03.320 --> 02:16:04.320
Yeah.

1921
02:16:04.320 --> 02:16:10.520
So, and again, like when you're sharing it, you are helping so many other women in community

1922
02:16:10.520 --> 02:16:11.880
here.

1923
02:16:11.880 --> 02:16:18.800
And by the way, I met him because a single city, because the did led me to a singles

1924
02:16:18.800 --> 02:16:19.800
group.

1925
02:16:19.800 --> 02:16:20.800
Okay.

1926
02:16:20.800 --> 02:16:23.800
So I'm just saying, where are you located?

1927
02:16:23.800 --> 02:16:24.800
Phoenix.

1928
02:16:24.800 --> 02:16:25.800
Phoenix.

1929
02:16:25.800 --> 02:16:26.800
Okay.

1930
02:16:26.840 --> 02:16:30.880
So there's big, big, huge singles groups everywhere.

1931
02:16:30.880 --> 02:16:31.880
Yeah.

1932
02:16:31.880 --> 02:16:32.879
Oh, for sure.

1933
02:16:32.879 --> 02:16:36.799
I was just here in December too.

1934
02:16:36.799 --> 02:16:40.280
So, and I, there's a, there's a woman that's in Phoenix.

1935
02:16:40.280 --> 02:16:45.360
I think she, she's in phase three.

1936
02:16:45.360 --> 02:16:46.360
She's married.

1937
02:16:46.360 --> 02:16:47.360
Okay.

1938
02:16:47.360 --> 02:16:54.959
She, she was in my, my community when I was in the program and she she's great.

1939
02:16:54.959 --> 02:16:56.280
She's absolutely wonderful.

1940
02:16:56.760 --> 02:17:01.040
I think she might, I don't know if she's in the single city and oversees any of that,

1941
02:17:01.040 --> 02:17:02.040
even though she's married.

1942
02:17:02.040 --> 02:17:05.879
But the single city, I don't think is big here.

1943
02:17:05.879 --> 02:17:09.400
It's the other groups that led from single city that I got involved with.

1944
02:17:09.400 --> 02:17:10.400
Yeah.

1945
02:17:10.400 --> 02:17:11.400
That's what I'm saying.

1946
02:17:11.400 --> 02:17:12.400
Like, yeah.

1947
02:17:12.400 --> 02:17:13.400
Connected here.

1948
02:17:13.400 --> 02:17:15.400
Get show up.

1949
02:17:15.400 --> 02:17:16.400
Okay.

1950
02:17:16.400 --> 02:17:18.840
We're here to navigate your relationship with you.

1951
02:17:18.840 --> 02:17:19.840
Yeah.

1952
02:17:19.840 --> 02:17:20.840
Okay.

1953
02:17:20.840 --> 02:17:21.840
Thank you.

1954
02:17:21.840 --> 02:17:24.719
And, and, and help and help you.

1955
02:17:24.719 --> 02:17:30.600
You know, reveal what, what has gone, what does God want to show you in there?

1956
02:17:30.600 --> 02:17:31.600
Okay.

1957
02:17:31.600 --> 02:17:34.520
Like, that's what we got you, girl.

1958
02:17:34.520 --> 02:17:38.520
I don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone and you have to experience like,

1959
02:17:38.520 --> 02:17:43.959
girl, I can only imagine that, that I can only imagine, like, when did this happen?

1960
02:17:43.959 --> 02:17:45.719
A week ago, Tuesday.

1961
02:17:45.719 --> 02:17:50.520
So for a whole week, you've been sitting here, Oh girl.

1962
02:17:51.520 --> 02:17:52.520
Yeah.

1963
02:17:52.520 --> 02:18:01.760
And so late ladies don't sit here for a week waiting for a call to let us know you get

1964
02:18:01.760 --> 02:18:04.400
your butt sitting those apps and you let us know what's happening.

1965
02:18:04.400 --> 02:18:05.400
We got you.

1966
02:18:05.400 --> 02:18:07.400
We're going to cover you in prayer.

1967
02:18:07.400 --> 02:18:10.799
We're going to sit here and like give you encouragement.

1968
02:18:10.799 --> 02:18:15.760
We're going to, we're going to do what we're here to do, what we're here for.

1969
02:18:15.760 --> 02:18:16.760
Okay.

1970
02:18:16.760 --> 02:18:18.760
That's what you're, that's why you're here.

1971
02:18:18.760 --> 02:18:20.219
All right.

1972
02:18:20.219 --> 02:18:24.100
So I can only imagine for a whole week you've been sitting with this being like, what am

1973
02:18:24.100 --> 02:18:25.100
I supposed to do?

1974
02:18:25.100 --> 02:18:27.700
I mean, granted it was a huge conference.

1975
02:18:27.700 --> 02:18:35.580
And so basically I'm giving him a shadow of a mirror, the benefit of the doubt that, you

1976
02:18:35.580 --> 02:18:38.459
know, it was just like the girl didn't want him there.

1977
02:18:38.459 --> 02:18:43.299
And so she told him he's an unsafe person and I can't, you know, that's, he's got, I

1978
02:18:43.299 --> 02:18:48.420
mean, so I'm like, okay, it's a yellow flag cause he's not, he's not disclosed that to

1979
02:18:48.420 --> 02:18:49.420
you.

1980
02:18:49.620 --> 02:18:54.780
So if that's the alcohol problem to you, if that's really, you know, a thing, again, they're,

1981
02:18:54.780 --> 02:18:55.780
they're yellow flags.

1982
02:18:55.780 --> 02:19:02.299
He did tell me he was trying, he did, he did quit beer, he said, but then he drinks it.

1983
02:19:02.299 --> 02:19:03.299
So, okay.

1984
02:19:03.299 --> 02:19:06.900
So yeah, you definitely, these are, these are definitely yellow flags.

1985
02:19:06.900 --> 02:19:11.820
So if you want to, yeah, you definitely want to, these are things that you're going to

1986
02:19:11.820 --> 02:19:14.020
want to look at for sure.

1987
02:19:14.020 --> 02:19:19.500
And again, I don't want to sit here and we don't know enough yet.

1988
02:19:19.500 --> 02:19:22.540
So we want to help walk you through this.

1989
02:19:22.540 --> 02:19:23.540
Thank you.

1990
02:19:23.540 --> 02:19:25.180
So that's, that's important.

1991
02:19:25.180 --> 02:19:33.459
We want to, you know, be gentle with this for your sake and, and again, my yellow flag

1992
02:19:33.459 --> 02:19:42.540
for him as well is the fact that does he take ownership if he's not sharing with you about

1993
02:19:42.540 --> 02:19:47.219
some things that he's struggled with, you know, and owning it because you know, if it

1994
02:19:47.219 --> 02:19:54.820
did happen, like, yeah, I mean, but I mean, wasn't time yet to me or did we even need

1995
02:19:54.820 --> 02:19:59.980
to, it's just something in his past that needed to be, yeah, I mean, I, and I get that.

1996
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:07.960
And hear me out here, I get that, but your spirit mate, your past and their past is not

1997
02:20:07.960 --> 02:20:08.960
going to matter.

1998
02:20:08.960 --> 02:20:13.440
It's going to be being able to be vulnerable and share about your past with someone and

1999
02:20:13.440 --> 02:20:17.380
still walking through life with them.

2000
02:20:17.380 --> 02:20:18.820
You know, I have a past.

2001
02:20:18.820 --> 02:20:25.760
My husband has a past, but we are open and honest with each other about that.

2002
02:20:25.760 --> 02:20:29.920
And we don't have to hide anything.

2003
02:20:29.920 --> 02:20:35.200
And it's important for my husband to sometimes know the seasons that I've walked through

2004
02:20:35.200 --> 02:20:38.640
because it's made me who I am.

2005
02:20:38.640 --> 02:20:42.320
And his seasons have made him who he is.

2006
02:20:42.320 --> 02:20:52.360
And actually, when he's shared that with me, I've actually gotten to see how he has taken

2007
02:20:52.360 --> 02:20:55.520
accountability for how he showed up in the past.

2008
02:20:55.520 --> 02:21:02.640
And he's accepted his choices, but he's also owned his choices and he's also moved on from

2009
02:21:02.640 --> 02:21:06.900
and he's forgiven himself and he's also know he is forgiven for those things.

2010
02:21:06.900 --> 02:21:10.600
And he's grown and become a better person because of that.

2011
02:21:10.600 --> 02:21:15.200
And so I've seen that he's teachable, that he has, you know, an openness.

2012
02:21:15.200 --> 02:21:16.880
He's got a growth mindset.

2013
02:21:16.880 --> 02:21:24.400
He's got really good qualities in him that shows me that he's going to show up.

2014
02:21:24.400 --> 02:21:32.120
And if he steps out of character or if he has a flaw in him that God needs to sort out

2015
02:21:32.120 --> 02:21:41.000
with him, he's mature and masculine enough to step into that.

2016
02:21:41.000 --> 02:21:45.560
And I can trust that, you know, because for a wife, like that's what I need.

2017
02:21:46.120 --> 02:21:53.200
You know, if I'm going to have a husband lead me, I also realize he's going to make mistakes.

2018
02:21:53.200 --> 02:21:55.600
I want to know how is he going to handle his mistakes.

2019
02:21:55.600 --> 02:21:58.200
He's going to come to me when those are mistakes.

2020
02:21:58.200 --> 02:22:02.920
You know, I don't want to all of a sudden get a knock on my door and someone is telling me,

2021
02:22:02.920 --> 02:22:07.800
we're repossessing your car and you're sorry.

2022
02:22:07.800 --> 02:22:13.120
We're foreclosing on your house because you didn't pay the mortgage for a year.

2023
02:22:13.160 --> 02:22:17.160
Like, because my husband wasn't honest with me.

2024
02:22:17.160 --> 02:22:19.160
No, we're not doing that.

2025
02:22:19.160 --> 02:22:21.280
Like, there's levels.

2026
02:22:21.280 --> 02:22:24.200
So I hear what you're saying, okay?

2027
02:22:24.200 --> 02:22:30.800
Like, yeah, two and a half months is still fresh, but you're now an exclusive relationship.

2028
02:22:30.800 --> 02:22:36.520
Like, there's certain things that you're going to want to learn about him.

2029
02:22:36.520 --> 02:22:39.680
And is he going to show up and be vulnerable?

2030
02:22:39.680 --> 02:22:41.320
Are you able to feel vulnerable?

2031
02:22:41.320 --> 02:22:46.760
Are you able to trust that he's going to come and share with you some uncomfortable things?

2032
02:22:46.760 --> 02:22:50.840
Can you share uncomfortable things with him and how does he show up for you?

2033
02:22:50.840 --> 02:22:51.960
Yeah, yeah.

2034
02:22:51.960 --> 02:22:57.720
Those are all good things that that's what you're wanting to learn that.

2035
02:22:57.720 --> 02:22:58.720
Okay.

2036
02:22:58.720 --> 02:23:00.600
Okay, so we got you.

2037
02:23:00.600 --> 02:23:01.600
Thank you.

2038
02:23:01.600 --> 02:23:03.360
You just keep us posted, okay?

2039
02:23:03.360 --> 02:23:04.760
Okay.

2040
02:23:04.760 --> 02:23:07.760
All right, ladies.

2041
02:23:07.760 --> 02:23:13.480
I know there's a lot of comments in the chat.

2042
02:23:13.480 --> 02:23:21.760
I'm going to quickly go through and see if I can't copy and paste and then go read through

2043
02:23:21.760 --> 02:23:23.760
them later.

2044
02:23:23.760 --> 02:23:31.840
And then if I see anything, I can always address them in the app for y'all.

2045
02:23:31.840 --> 02:23:36.320
And then if you had a question and I didn't get to it, post it.

2046
02:23:36.320 --> 02:23:40.920
Myself and Ebony can definitely follow up with that.

2047
02:23:40.920 --> 02:23:47.840
Again, thank you all for your patience with, you know, the glitches in the app and Luani.

2048
02:23:47.840 --> 02:23:53.440
I know she's never came back, but I'm going to go check on her stuff tonight as well.

2049
02:23:53.440 --> 02:24:01.280
And ladies, y'all, I apologize the time, like this is where I'm going to need to own it.

2050
02:24:02.280 --> 02:24:09.440
This is on me for not setting a boundary and ending it, but I chose to do that.

2051
02:24:09.440 --> 02:24:16.960
And I'm thankful at the same time because I think God is doing some pretty great things

2052
02:24:16.960 --> 02:24:17.960
here.

2053
02:24:17.960 --> 02:24:26.880
So thank you for staying and understand that we're not always able to do sessions this

2054
02:24:26.880 --> 02:24:27.880
long.

2055
02:24:27.880 --> 02:24:28.880
Okay.

2056
02:24:29.480 --> 02:24:30.480
We can't expect this every single time.

2057
02:24:30.480 --> 02:24:31.480
All right.

2058
02:24:31.480 --> 02:24:33.120
But you all are a blessing.

2059
02:24:33.120 --> 02:24:35.120
I appreciate you.

2060
02:24:35.120 --> 02:24:37.640
And we will see you all next week.

2061
02:24:37.640 --> 02:24:41.120
And all right, ladies, love you.