WEBVTT

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Can you all hear me?

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Give me a thumbs up if you can.

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Good.

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Did you all hear the recording in progress sound?

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Yes?

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Good, good.

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Well, it is so good to see all of you all tonight.

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What were you saying, Lovetta?

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Can you hear me?

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Yeah, I can hear you now.

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Okay.

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I said I've been listening in the background, just haven't been on to talk.

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Gotcha.

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I need to talk tonight, though.

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Oh, good.

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I want you to talk tonight, then.

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That'd be great.

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Okay.

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I'm looking for...

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It seems like I'm frantic about my light, whatever they call the light, the light, the

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light, the light.

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But I will let it go.

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I see some new people in the house.

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Hey, Bunny, how are you?

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I responded to one of your posts just a little while ago when you get a chance to...

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Did you...

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Yeah, it was about the single city?

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Yes.

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I haven't read it yet.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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It's going to be pretty simple, though.

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You just go up to the resources tab, and you're going to see probably like the first or second

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one you see is going to say single cities, and then it's going to say find your city.

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Awesome.

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Yeah.

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And if you can't find your city, you may find one very close, and it's going to give you

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a join code.

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Make sure you write that join code down or copy it, because the link on the chart is

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a hyperlink.

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So once you click on it, it takes you there, but you have to give them that code.

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Okay.

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Thank you.

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Yeah, yeah.

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You're welcome.

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And I also asked if anybody lived near me in this group, but I saw that you have to

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click on it to see that part of my message.

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Ah, where do you live?

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In Hillsdale, Michigan, which is close to the Ohio line.

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Okay.

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Is anyone in the group right now?

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Anybody here live in that area?

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Those two?

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Well, there'll be a lot more people joining.

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Usually we have about 42-somewhere number of people, and so you can always ask again

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or put it in the chat.

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And it's always somebody near.

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I know somebody lives in Michigan.

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I don't know what part of Michigan they live in, but there are some people who live in

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Michigan.

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Oh, good.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Yep.

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All right.

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Is this your first night?

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No.

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No, I was here one other time a while back.

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Okay.

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Well, good to see you again.

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And then I was on with you a couple weeks ago when you were on in the afternoon.

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Oh, okay.

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Well, thank you for bringing it to my memory.

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Kathleen, is this your first time?

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Second.

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Second.

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All right.

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And Rachel?

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Second.

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Sixth.

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Sixth.

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Not your first time?

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That's my first time in phase two.

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Oh, okay.

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On a live call.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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Okay.

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Steve, y'all talk to me a little bit more.

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I can remember.

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Edwidge Jean, is this your first time?

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Yes.

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This is my first time.

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Oh, excellent.

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How long you been in phase two?

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today.

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Today.

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We are so happy to have you.

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Welcome.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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We're so excited to do this journey with you.

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Thank you so much.

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You're welcome.

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Let's see.

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Tiffany, this is not...

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No.

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No, I've been on one.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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One.

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I don't know.

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I've been on one other time.

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It was when Kelly did the evening one.

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A few weeks ago.

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Kelly did an evening one.

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Maybe it was another time.

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You did the afternoon one.

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Y'all had switch.

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Oh, are you saying Carla?

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Yes.

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I'm sorry.

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Carla.

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Yeah, her.

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There is a Kelly, but she's in phase three.

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So I was like, Kelly?

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Oh, that's interesting.

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So I was like, oh, I don't know anything about that business.

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That was your test.

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You pass.

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Good job.

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Well, it's so good to see all of you ladies.

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I'm going to go ahead and get us started, but I like to do a really warm welcome and

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I like you guys to feel Demaryius.

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Is this your first time?

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Oh, is it Demar?

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Chris, Isabella, so good to see you.

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So let's get started, because we have a really great topic

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of discussion.

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Not topic, more safe, but yeah, it is.

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So I welcome everybody.

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I want to celebrate you ladies for always participating,

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encouraging each other, and just supporting each other

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on the page.

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It's always so great when you chime in

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and you give encouragement.

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And so that's really good, and thank you for doing that.

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And don't feel pressure to rescue

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any of your fellow sisters or any of those things.

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You can just give a heartfelt encouragement,

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but you don't have to become a counselor.

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You don't have to become a coach.

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You don't have to be anything but be one with each other.

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And so you're only going to get about six to 10 weeks

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in this phase.

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We want you to enjoy.

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So and let's see.

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I don't want to miss any.

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All right, and don't forget that we do offer one-on-one coaching.

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It is for a fee, but you can go to the resource link

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and pick from a plethora of wonderful coaches.

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They're all amazing.

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All right, so tonight, OK, so because this

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is your first time, I want to explain this.

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Coaching is not just when you're dating.

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This live coaching is not just for when you're dating.

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You can talk about anything you absolutely want to.

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Everything in your life begets the next thing.

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Wherever you find that there are lack of boundaries in one area,

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there's a lack of boundaries in another area.

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Wherever you find defeat in one area,

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you will find defeat somewhere else.

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Nothing is isolated, or the root is laying somewhere else.

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And so everything about your life is all intertwined.

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And so that's something really important to note,

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because this space is not just if you're dating.

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Ideally, what we like you ladies to do

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is watch one video a week and just post your aha moments.

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You can come on the coaching session.

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You can ask questions.

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You can talk about your personal life.

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We can help you work through anything

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that you have in front of you.

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And so that's what this is for.

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And if you've not decided to date yet,

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if you just got in phase two, you're

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going to hear Jackie's kickoff message that's going

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to challenge you to do seven dates.

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Now, does that mean you can't stay in phase two

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if you don't do your seven dates?

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No.

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Does that mean you have to have seven dates

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before you go to phase three?

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No.

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But do we believe that dating is an excellent skill

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to help you build and to help expand your capacity?

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Yes.

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We believe in phase two that dating

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helps you discover yourself more than it helps

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you discover someone else.

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And so one of the things I like to tell you

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how you can help yourself with, everybody I talk to

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is my husband.

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Just tell yourself they're not.

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Because you've just come out of hard work.

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And so every man you look at is not your husband.

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Every picture you go back, it's not your husband.

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It only takes one man to feel the shoes.

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There can only be one man that feels the shoes.

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When you stand at the altar, they're

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not going to marry you to two men.

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So every man you see is not your husband.

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But there are lots of men you will

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see that will come and help you discover yourself.

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There are lots of men you see that when

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you give an opportunity, they will help you develop grace.

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They will help you to release entitlement.

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They will help you to see the things and the insecurities

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that lurk on the inside of you.

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They will help you see that you, too, are afraid of rejection.

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So we like to use dating in this phase for discovery purposes,

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discovery of yourself.

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We like to use dating to sharpen out

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all of those insecurities, all of those fears.

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We want them to come to the surface.

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And nothing quite touches a person like dating.

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OK?

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So that's what phase two is all about.

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It is the phase that blessed me probably the absolute most.

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I was in this program probably about four years ago.

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At that time, Jackie was my coach.

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And so she rips the Band-Aid out.

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And so she was right.

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Everything she said was right.

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Everything she said was right.

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Everything she said was right.

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I'll say it again.

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Everything she said was right.

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Everything she said was right.

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Everything she said was right.

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Including my, I don't believe God is calling me to that.

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I just don't believe the Lord wants that for me.

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I am telling you, over half of every woman

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believes the same thing about God wanting something

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for them in this program.

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It is a record that is close to being broken.

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God doesn't want me to date.

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God doesn't want that for me.

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He specifically told me.

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That's just not what God wants for me.

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what he wants. God told me he's giving me an Amazon man and I know it and I don't have to

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work through anything. Everything's going to be perfect even though I don't know how to communicate.

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It's all perfect because the Holy Spirit is going to be my mate and we won't have to worry about

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communicating. We're going to pray. All right so everything that Jackie said was right and

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this program has the proof is in the pudding and so I was being funny but we want to walk with you

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on this journey. We want to see you grow. We want to help you grow in any way we can do that. Does

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it have its ups and downs? Yes. Its turnarounds? Yes. But we want you to guard your heart with

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our diligence. We want you to submit yourself to boundaries in order for your own self. Create a

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checklist for you and not for the next person and if you submit yourself to your own boundaries,

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the boundaries that we encourage in this program, you will find that you will grow by leaps and

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bounds because the hardest thing for most people to submit to is their own boundaries.

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The reason why half of the time our hearts get broken is because we don't have boundaries for

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ourselves and we call them boundaries for other people but they're usually walls when it comes to

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me and so those things are based on a lot of things so that just leads us into our teaching

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since I've used up some of my time to do that. I'm gonna keep going. Tonight we're gonna be

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talking about, just for about 15 minutes, we're gonna be talking about insecurity versus confidence

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or taking you from insecurity to confidence and so I have a lot of get rich notes here

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because I don't want to miss anything but oftentimes we believe that confidence, especially

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in dating, kind of looks like you're unbothered, you never overthink and that you always feel secure

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and that's just not true. It is completely normal for you to feel bothered. It is

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completely normal for you to have insecurity. It is completely normal for you to overthink

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but the thing, the trap is we believe when we do it is something wrong with us

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instead of seeing it as a sign that's pointing to something else. Confident women don't lack

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insecurity but when the insecurity arises they take their time and deal with it.

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They don't let it define them. They say, what is this coming from? What is this about? So when we

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have confidence it's not that everything is, we don't have insecurities, it's just that we

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go on the hunt and we take it for what it is. It's a sign to ding ding, ding ding, ding ding.

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I'm going to give you an example. Two women can have the exact same experience. They can talk to

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a man and one day he texts him and he stopped texting for the next three days. One woman is

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going to say, what did I do? She's going to go through every text message and she's going to

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say it's her. The other woman is going to say, hmm, guess he didn't want to talk anymore.

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One woman is going to say, I'm going to shoot him a text to see how he's doing today and see

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if everything is okay. I haven't heard from him in three days. The next one's going to say,

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I bet you I won't reach out to him and say something to him. Who do he think he is? I'm

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not running behind him. He's supposed to be pursuing me. But that level of aggression

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tells you something is happening on the inside, right? Because you got the same situation

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for two different responses. Now, if you're hearing your head when I say that, okay,

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well, what's the right way to respond? Well, what's the right way to respond?

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All I'm saying is that both of these responses tell us something.

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It doesn't matter how you respond. You respond the way you respond.

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But when you respond, let it tell you something. Oftentimes, when we blame ourselves,

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when we think we've lost out, that's rooted to a scarcity mindset.

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We've come on this first journey and do you really believe that you can miss your spouse?

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But there's something in us, which is a scarcity mindset that is not just in this area. It comes

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over from another area, and it speaks to us about whole things in our life. It's not just a spouse

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that you believe that you're going to miss out, that you're going to get the short end of the

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stick. If you've lived a life, it usually comes from our past experience and experience we're

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having now, something that we developed in childhood. But I used to live with the constant

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belief that I was always going to get the short end of the stick, and that's just the way it's

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going to be. And so I lived a very guarded and protected life. And I fought to make sure

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that you did not get over on me, and I am not getting the short end of the stick this time.

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So confidence is not the absence of

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insecurity but when we have those insecurities we're going to what we're going to track them down

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because insecurities point to a root cause and those root causes are going to serve you well

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to do some research don't suppress them don't overlook them and don't say they're not there

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and for for all let my cry be to you don't think it's something wrong with you because you can feel

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don't blame yourself give yourself grace and discover what's happening

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that's why we call this phase dating for discovery nothing gets close to you like a man

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a lot of people can do a lot of things but when you start dating you have to be vulnerable in this

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way that can be very very challenging and a lot of stuff just start popping up everywhere right so

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i just said this and i just want to make sure i reiterate that triggers are not the problem

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they are the signal i don't know how many women i have said i don't know why i did that i used to

328
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say why did i do that why you know i'll just act like it didn't happen or just push it away

329
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just don't do it we believe that our behavior needs to be corrected but your behavior doesn't

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need to be corrected okay jackie teaches and you've done this in hard work that there's a

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signal there then it's something beneath that there's some hard stuff going on and i know we

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believe that when we come out of hard work that we shouldn't be getting triggered but listen when

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you were in hard work you didn't have nobody to practice on now you got somebody to practice with

334
00:16:54.480 --> 00:17:00.000
so it's not that you didn't do the hard work but it's easy to feel healed when ain't nobody there

335
00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:05.680
nobody's rubbing up against that scalp nobody's making you mad of course that's why most times

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when people just walk with them in jesus the world is perfect because jesus don't do nothing to you

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he don't make you mad he might not do what you want and you find out he not your genie in a

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bottle and he do what he wants and it's his plans and purposes if you make it that far or you give

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00:17:21.520 --> 00:17:29.120
up before you get there but other than that he's gentle he kind he walks with you he grow wherever

340
00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:37.200
you are he comes and he helps you grow but when you're dealing with a person now that's a different

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00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:48.480
story okay so this is time to do a little rubbing up against to see what we get because whatever

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bubbles up to the top is the thing that the father wants to use to help to expand you

343
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.040
and increase your capacity for your love story

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00:17:59.520 --> 00:18:06.480
listen marriage is an institution of two people that require a particular skill set

345
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:12.800
and if you've ever been married before you know what i'm talking about i've been married before

346
00:18:12.800 --> 00:18:17.040
though i am divorced i understand that it requires a particular skill set

347
00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:25.280
and when you are single you just cannot grasp it just like it won't come to your mind you just

348
00:18:25.280 --> 00:18:30.480
can't get it and then when you get older you're like oh have you ever heard somebody say if you're

349
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a parent before you became a parent they would say yeah just wait till you get your own so you

350
00:18:35.840 --> 00:18:39.760
can tell everybody else about what they need to do with their children how they need to spank their

351
00:18:39.760 --> 00:18:44.400
children how they need to put their children in place if it was my child i wouldn't do this and

352
00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:49.760
they just say wait till you have your own just wait till you have your own because most mothers

353
00:18:49.760 --> 00:18:56.000
learn their lesson when they got their own everything changed so that's the same thing

354
00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:02.560
with marriage and that's why we want to help you guys expand and grow so you have capacity for your

355
00:19:02.560 --> 00:19:08.640
god-given marriage your god-birth marriage the thing that you are believing the lord for so

356
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we talked about that we talked about so what you want to do is when you're triggered or something

357
00:19:16.320 --> 00:19:24.240
comes up i want you to go to your internal belief system what does that mean what do i believe about

358
00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:33.360
me and on the on the surface you may think you believe wonderful things sometimes

359
00:19:34.320 --> 00:19:40.160
but internal beliefs are usually hidden in the places of your heart that are still growing and

360
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:45.120
healing or some places that are unhealed that have yet to be tapped and now you're going to deal with

361
00:19:45.120 --> 00:19:52.880
them so common root issues are fear of abandonment anybody here fear abandonment fear not being

362
00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:59.440
chosen you think nobody will want me right feeling that you're not enough

363
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.440
You're just, you're not enough, you're not good enough,

364
00:20:02.440 --> 00:20:04.520
you never have been, you never will be.

365
00:20:04.520 --> 00:20:07.440
Or feeling that you're just doing too much.

366
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:12.440
When I grew up, I've always had a pretty big mouth.

367
00:20:12.560 --> 00:20:16.280
I could speak on a microphone and never need a microphone.

368
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You could hear me across the church.

369
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So I remember when I was in youth choir,

370
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:24.200
one of my, our choir director, her name was Mavis Price.

371
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And she used to tell me, Ebony, go to the back row

372
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because your mouth is so loud.

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You are drowning out the whole choir.

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And my mama used to tell me, she'd say,

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Ebony, please, you're just, you're talking too much, baby.

376
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You, you had to be quiet sometimes.

377
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My mama was very introverted.

378
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My brothers were very introverted, but not me.

379
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The Lord gave me a triple dose.

380
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And so she would say, she said one time

381
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she sent me outside and she came,

382
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she said, go outside for a little while.

383
00:20:54.600 --> 00:20:56.720
She said, I, she came out there and I was on my swing

384
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and God, let me tell you what happened.

385
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And God, this happened and God, that happened.

386
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And she said, baby, even God get tired sometimes.

387
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You got to be quiet.

388
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But that put something on the inside of me.

389
00:21:08.760 --> 00:21:09.920
Now, when I got to bed, I said, mama,

390
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:12.280
you shouldn't have told me God get tired.

391
00:21:12.280 --> 00:21:16.440
But what happened was I developed a belief system

392
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:17.640
that I'm too much.

393
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:23.040
And so I spent a lot of my adult life apologizing.

394
00:21:23.040 --> 00:21:24.560
Oh, I hope that wasn't too much.

395
00:21:24.600 --> 00:21:27.000
Oh, and always monitoring myself,

396
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:29.240
always replaying my conversations,

397
00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:31.400
always believing that I wasn't going to be accepted

398
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because I am too much.

399
00:21:32.920 --> 00:21:36.680
And so a lot of these things that we experience,

400
00:21:36.680 --> 00:21:39.760
even now when I come around new people,

401
00:21:39.760 --> 00:21:42.160
I am monitoring myself sometimes

402
00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.440
to see if I'm being too overwhelming from them.

403
00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:47.000
And that comes from their root,

404
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:50.960
but I'm aware enough at this point to know what I'm doing.

405
00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:53.680
And so sometimes you think that things have to disappear.

406
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:55.360
Things don't have to disappear.

407
00:21:55.360 --> 00:21:57.840
You just need a level of awareness.

408
00:21:57.840 --> 00:22:02.000
So instead of bending into it, you can bend the other way.

409
00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:04.240
You can remind yourself of the truth.

410
00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:06.560
Some things will never leave your system,

411
00:22:06.560 --> 00:22:09.600
but that doesn't mean you have to behave that way.

412
00:22:09.600 --> 00:22:11.640
Doesn't mean you have to operate in them,

413
00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:15.600
especially if you are believing in Jesus Christ.

414
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But he's giving you a new way and you can do it.

415
00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:24.800
If you realize you deal with avoiding a love attachment,

416
00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:26.800
you deal with an anxious attachment.

417
00:22:26.800 --> 00:22:28.880
Some of us may be secure attachers,

418
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but whatever attachment you are,

419
00:22:30.280 --> 00:22:31.840
there's not a secure attachment.

420
00:22:31.840 --> 00:22:33.360
I heard Jackie in one of her teachings,

421
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she said one time, that may not never change about you,

422
00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:39.040
but you don't have to be that.

423
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And when she told me that, I grabbed a hold to it

424
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because I used to attach very anxiously.

425
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And one day I was going down the road and the Lord told me,

426
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he said, why do you keep giving someone spoiled, sour goods,

427
00:22:51.280 --> 00:22:54.080
giving them the thing you got from your family?

428
00:22:54.080 --> 00:22:57.360
Why are you continuing to pour out this love

429
00:22:57.360 --> 00:23:00.120
that is no good when I'm giving you a perfect love

430
00:23:00.120 --> 00:23:01.040
to give to people?

431
00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:05.440
You don't have to give them this.

432
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You have a choice.

433
00:23:07.760 --> 00:23:10.280
And so with Jackie teachings and that teaching,

434
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when the Lord started teaching me this,

435
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:13.560
I was like, God, you're right.

436
00:23:13.560 --> 00:23:15.680
I used to just say over and over, I'm anxious attachment.

437
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:16.520
I'm anxious attachment.

438
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:17.800
I'm of this, I'm of that, I'm of this.

439
00:23:17.800 --> 00:23:21.040
He said, stop speaking that over you.

440
00:23:22.200 --> 00:23:23.840
So this is not to say that,

441
00:23:23.840 --> 00:23:26.680
oh, you shouldn't speak some type of way

442
00:23:26.680 --> 00:23:28.720
you've learned that you attach.

443
00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:30.840
But now, hear me what I'm saying.

444
00:23:30.840 --> 00:23:33.920
I'm well into understanding the way I attach.

445
00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:37.720
This is not the first two months, six months, eight months,

446
00:23:37.720 --> 00:23:40.520
I'm discovering things and learning skills and tools.

447
00:23:40.520 --> 00:23:42.600
This is two years out.

448
00:23:42.600 --> 00:23:45.400
I'm still identifying with the same brokenness.

449
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:46.240
Why?

450
00:23:47.000 --> 00:23:48.640
I have a choice at this point.

451
00:23:49.520 --> 00:23:52.400
So anyway, I put those two together.

452
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:53.680
And so when I would try to,

453
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:55.920
when I would sense myself leaning one way,

454
00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:57.520
I'll lean the other way.

455
00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:00.600
And now I can't tell you when the last time

456
00:24:00.600 --> 00:24:02.920
I've been down the road of anxious attachment.

457
00:24:05.040 --> 00:24:07.760
That street don't know my address.

458
00:24:08.760 --> 00:24:10.280
We ain't even friends no more.

459
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:13.320
And it happened over time.

460
00:24:13.320 --> 00:24:15.840
Not me beating myself up for the way my family

461
00:24:15.840 --> 00:24:17.200
taught me love.

462
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:18.720
I didn't teach myself that.

463
00:24:20.080 --> 00:24:25.080
But I sure can help myself not pass on toxicity

464
00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:28.040
to somebody else when I know what's happening.

465
00:24:29.560 --> 00:24:30.400
Right?

466
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:31.600
So, all right.

467
00:24:31.600 --> 00:24:32.760
I hope that was good.

468
00:24:34.600 --> 00:24:36.760
Dating reveals.

469
00:24:36.760 --> 00:24:40.160
That's why we like to use dating as a tool.

470
00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:41.000
Okay?

471
00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:42.640
Dating reveals.

472
00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:45.120
It is dating for discovery for a reason,

473
00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:47.240
not dating to find your husband.

474
00:24:48.280 --> 00:24:49.960
And if you believe that he's going to come

475
00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:51.120
in an Amazon package,

476
00:24:51.120 --> 00:24:53.600
then even more reason for you to feel free to date

477
00:24:53.600 --> 00:24:56.760
because he's coming around the mountain when he comes.

478
00:24:56.760 --> 00:24:58.120
All right?

479
00:24:58.120 --> 00:24:58.960
So, how.

480
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.680
Insecurity shows up and feeds into your triggers.

481
00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:06.340
Insecurity will feed the trigger.

482
00:25:08.560 --> 00:25:12.960
So hear that, your insecurity will feed your trigger.

483
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:13.800
How?

484
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:18.140
So let's say you're overanalyzing everything.

485
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:24.500
You overanalyze everything that's feeding your trigger.

486
00:25:25.660 --> 00:25:26.940
Because of the insecurity,

487
00:25:26.940 --> 00:25:29.360
you start overanalyzing everything.

488
00:25:29.360 --> 00:25:31.160
So why hasn't he texted me back yet?

489
00:25:31.160 --> 00:25:32.480
Or why did they say that?

490
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:34.680
What did they mean by that?

491
00:25:34.680 --> 00:25:36.800
I mean, did they mean this or did they mean that?

492
00:25:36.800 --> 00:25:38.040
You let it go, ask somebody else,

493
00:25:38.040 --> 00:25:39.640
what you think they meant by that?

494
00:25:39.640 --> 00:25:41.120
Why do you think they did that?

495
00:25:41.120 --> 00:25:41.960
And I often tell people,

496
00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:43.720
and the one thing I have to tell myself

497
00:25:43.720 --> 00:25:46.280
to keep my mind out of that loop,

498
00:25:46.280 --> 00:25:50.440
is how can I answer what somebody else did and why?

499
00:25:50.440 --> 00:25:52.640
As if I live inside of their head.

500
00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:55.620
But I know us women are masters,

501
00:25:55.620 --> 00:25:57.520
at least the women that I know,

502
00:25:57.520 --> 00:25:59.800
of trying to figure out why somebody else

503
00:25:59.800 --> 00:26:00.640
did what they did.

504
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:04.480
And we'll be convinced of our answer when we get done.

505
00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:06.480
Have you ever said, I know why they did it.

506
00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:07.680
I know why they did this.

507
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:11.800
I know, I know, I know, I know.

508
00:26:11.800 --> 00:26:13.440
You don't always know.

509
00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:16.220
Sometimes some things are like A, B, C, right?

510
00:26:16.220 --> 00:26:19.500
But you don't know the motives of people.

511
00:26:20.760 --> 00:26:22.840
Think about the things that your behavior

512
00:26:22.840 --> 00:26:25.200
sometimes that you operate in.

513
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:26.480
Is it really your heart?

514
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:28.320
Or is it your triggers?

515
00:26:28.320 --> 00:26:30.160
Is it your insecurity?

516
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:32.000
Is it your fear?

517
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:35.360
Is it your hopelessness speaking for you?

518
00:26:35.360 --> 00:26:36.880
Maybe if I caught you on another day

519
00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:38.480
when you felt more secure,

520
00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:40.480
you would have said something different.

521
00:26:41.360 --> 00:26:45.240
Our behaviors don't always speak well for us.

522
00:26:45.240 --> 00:26:49.040
Our behaviors have a lot of motivations behind them.

523
00:26:49.040 --> 00:26:53.520
And oftentimes we are trying to guard ourselves with walls

524
00:26:54.040 --> 00:26:58.520
and we're trying to protect ourselves.

525
00:26:58.520 --> 00:27:00.520
And it's not the truth of who we are,

526
00:27:01.600 --> 00:27:04.320
but we're afraid to be vulnerable.

527
00:27:04.320 --> 00:27:05.680
And we're afraid to be vulnerable

528
00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.160
because we think somebody's gonna hurt us

529
00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:09.840
or take advantage of us or do something to us.

530
00:27:09.840 --> 00:27:13.720
But the truth be told, nobody can do anything to you.

531
00:27:15.960 --> 00:27:18.160
And you are in complete control.

532
00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:20.780
And that is the truth.

533
00:27:21.740 --> 00:27:25.100
People only do what you allow them to do.

534
00:27:25.100 --> 00:27:27.060
And that's why in this phase,

535
00:27:27.060 --> 00:27:30.340
we'd like you to submit yourself to boundaries

536
00:27:30.340 --> 00:27:32.980
because these boundaries help you to guard your heart

537
00:27:32.980 --> 00:27:34.220
with all diligence.

538
00:27:34.220 --> 00:27:35.580
So when you start talking to somebody

539
00:27:35.580 --> 00:27:38.060
and it feels so good and it's been two days

540
00:27:38.060 --> 00:27:40.500
and y'all are lying on everything,

541
00:27:40.500 --> 00:27:43.700
and he loved Jesus so much after two days,

542
00:27:43.700 --> 00:27:45.020
you discovered this

543
00:27:45.980 --> 00:27:47.620
because you didn't follow the boundary

544
00:27:47.620 --> 00:27:50.440
that said we don't talk about personal things this early.

545
00:27:51.100 --> 00:27:52.080
You decided I gotta figure out

546
00:27:52.080 --> 00:27:53.680
because I'm not wasting my time.

547
00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:55.000
And so I need to know,

548
00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.280
do you love Jesus exclusively or not?

549
00:27:59.280 --> 00:28:02.440
And when you tell me you do, I believe you

550
00:28:02.440 --> 00:28:05.240
because I don't have to wait to see your fruit

551
00:28:05.240 --> 00:28:07.200
because you said it.

552
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:09.320
And I know you love Jesus.

553
00:28:09.320 --> 00:28:12.080
And because you love Jesus, we're perfect for each other.

554
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:14.440
And what happens on day three,

555
00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:17.200
you begin to plan your future with this Jesus lover

556
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:19.080
that you do not know.

557
00:28:19.080 --> 00:28:20.360
And then by the end of the week,

558
00:28:21.180 --> 00:28:23.880
they stop texting you and your world falls apart

559
00:28:23.880 --> 00:28:25.560
because you've asked them things

560
00:28:25.560 --> 00:28:29.240
that you shouldn't ask them because you don't know them.

561
00:28:30.080 --> 00:28:31.560
And so some of the boundaries,

562
00:28:31.560 --> 00:28:34.920
if you hadn't gotten to the video yet,

563
00:28:34.920 --> 00:28:36.960
we said, we don't talk about spiritual things

564
00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:38.920
when you're first getting to know a person.

565
00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:40.600
You're not gonna read the Bible with them.

566
00:28:40.600 --> 00:28:42.160
You're not gonna pray with them.

567
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:43.880
If you wanna know somebody's a believer,

568
00:28:43.880 --> 00:28:45.160
there's nothing wrong with it.

569
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:46.000
But you say something like,

570
00:28:46.000 --> 00:28:47.920
you know, my faith is really important to you.

571
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:49.560
How do you feel about your faith?

572
00:28:51.360 --> 00:28:55.080
You don't wanna know how they wanna treat their wife

573
00:28:55.080 --> 00:28:56.200
in the future.

574
00:28:56.200 --> 00:28:58.880
You don't wanna know how long they've been believing God

575
00:28:58.880 --> 00:29:00.200
for a while.

576
00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.400
You don't wanna know what their divorce was about.

577
00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:06.240
You don't wanna know why they got a divorce.

578
00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:08.640
When you start asking those types of questions,

579
00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:12.360
hear me, you're trying to protect yourself.

580
00:29:12.360 --> 00:29:15.960
You will bypass the process of getting to know them

581
00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:18.120
and you're going to judge them.

582
00:29:18.120 --> 00:29:20.240
I tell people, me and all the time,

583
00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:23.000
don't tell me your personal business

584
00:29:23.000 --> 00:29:25.080
because I will judge you.

585
00:29:25.080 --> 00:29:26.960
That you better know.

586
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:31.960
I don't know, you can't tell me no stuff early on.

587
00:29:32.120 --> 00:29:33.880
Like, let me get to know you.

588
00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:36.720
Don't come dumping your trash on my doorstep.

589
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:38.360
Don't do it because I know me

590
00:29:38.360 --> 00:29:40.080
and I've been with me long enough.

591
00:29:41.480 --> 00:29:43.360
There are things on the inside of me

592
00:29:43.360 --> 00:29:45.320
that's gonna wanna protect me.

593
00:29:45.320 --> 00:29:46.840
So I submit to boundaries

594
00:29:46.840 --> 00:29:49.440
and I require those around me to submit to boundaries.

595
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:52.360
That's a natural thing for you to wanna protect yourself.

596
00:29:52.360 --> 00:29:53.760
You go on a date with a man

597
00:29:53.760 --> 00:29:56.760
and he tells you he's been divorced for 15 years.

598
00:29:56.760 --> 00:29:58.400
I don't care if he tell you 25.

599
00:29:58.400 --> 00:30:00.200
And let's say he said, well, we're.

600
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.880
I got a divorce because I had a cheating problem.

601
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:05.460
Yup, I cheated on her with 15 women.

602
00:30:05.460 --> 00:30:06.300
Now,

603
00:30:07.960 --> 00:30:10.040
mm-hmm, I already see y'all face.

604
00:30:10.040 --> 00:30:11.080
He out the door.

605
00:30:11.080 --> 00:30:12.640
I don't care how much he's speaking tongue,

606
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:15.640
praise, prophesy, preach, and teach, it's over with.

607
00:30:16.680 --> 00:30:18.400
I don't care.

608
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:20.080
You cheated with 15 women?

609
00:30:20.080 --> 00:30:22.000
You just didn't cheat no one time.

610
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:23.400
You are a serial cheater

611
00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:25.360
and what's to stop it from showing up now?

612
00:30:25.360 --> 00:30:26.560
Did you know Jesus then?

613
00:30:26.560 --> 00:30:28.680
Mm-hmm, yup, that's the same.

614
00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:30.080
But there's something in you,

615
00:30:30.080 --> 00:30:31.480
I suppose I put by Felicia,

616
00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:34.440
there's something in you rightfully so is gonna say,

617
00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:38.240
okay, maybe I need to reconsider this

618
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:39.920
and then you're gonna get real spiritual.

619
00:30:39.920 --> 00:30:42.160
The Lord didn't promise me nothing like this.

620
00:30:42.160 --> 00:30:44.380
No, this is not heaven's best for me.

621
00:30:44.380 --> 00:30:45.220
Mm!

622
00:30:47.320 --> 00:30:50.920
So, I use an extreme situation

623
00:30:50.920 --> 00:30:53.320
but what I'm saying to you is

624
00:30:53.320 --> 00:30:55.520
you guard your heart without diligence

625
00:30:55.520 --> 00:30:58.400
by taking your time and pacing.

626
00:30:59.080 --> 00:31:00.400
This is not your husband

627
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:03.400
and you are not on an information marathon.

628
00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:05.600
You are dating for discovery

629
00:31:05.600 --> 00:31:07.720
and you could tell yourself 100 times

630
00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:08.920
and I'm telling you this,

631
00:31:08.920 --> 00:31:10.520
that you don't have time,

632
00:31:10.520 --> 00:31:12.560
that you're not gonna waste your time.

633
00:31:12.560 --> 00:31:13.400
I'm telling you,

634
00:31:13.400 --> 00:31:16.840
time is never wasted when you invest in yourself.

635
00:31:16.840 --> 00:31:19.120
You believe you're investing in that man,

636
00:31:19.120 --> 00:31:20.440
you're not investing in that man,

637
00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:21.920
you're investing in yourself.

638
00:31:21.920 --> 00:31:23.240
You're showing up with somebody

639
00:31:23.240 --> 00:31:26.680
and you are learning how to show grace.

640
00:31:26.680 --> 00:31:28.880
You're learning how to get rid of entitlement

641
00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:30.120
about what somebody owes you

642
00:31:30.120 --> 00:31:31.280
and what they should give you.

643
00:31:31.280 --> 00:31:33.840
You're learning how to see a person for who they are

644
00:31:33.840 --> 00:31:36.400
because you yourself want people to see you

645
00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:37.640
for who you are.

646
00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:41.200
You yourself want to be accepted for flaws and all.

647
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:44.560
You yourself believe that that is the idea of love,

648
00:31:44.560 --> 00:31:47.360
that someone can receive you as you are,

649
00:31:47.360 --> 00:31:49.940
not receive you as a broken person.

650
00:31:49.940 --> 00:31:51.040
That's not what I'm saying.

651
00:31:51.040 --> 00:31:53.440
Please don't hear what I'm not saying.

652
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:55.880
But you yourself wanna sit down at the table

653
00:31:56.200 --> 00:31:57.240
when somebody looks at you,

654
00:31:57.240 --> 00:31:58.620
they see the gold in you.

655
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:02.440
And so when we go out with our little list

656
00:32:02.440 --> 00:32:04.820
and we ready to strike and do all that,

657
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:07.160
that's funny, Abby,

658
00:32:07.160 --> 00:32:08.440
you don't wanna do that.

659
00:32:08.440 --> 00:32:09.480
You wanna sit at the table

660
00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:11.640
and you wanna get to know a person for who they are.

661
00:32:11.640 --> 00:32:14.600
And you can do it when there's no pressure on you

662
00:32:14.600 --> 00:32:15.880
saying, is he the one?

663
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:18.240
Because if you keep thinking he's the one,

664
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:20.320
you're gonna measure him like a husband

665
00:32:20.320 --> 00:32:22.880
and not like a person you're sitting on a date with.

666
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:26.520
It's really hard not to do it

667
00:32:27.640 --> 00:32:29.120
because you're gonna protect yourself.

668
00:32:29.120 --> 00:32:31.520
And if he's the one, I need to see

669
00:32:31.520 --> 00:32:33.440
because I already know what I want.

670
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:35.160
And if this ain't it,

671
00:32:35.160 --> 00:32:36.540
I'm not wasting my time.

672
00:32:37.640 --> 00:32:39.200
You are investing in you

673
00:32:40.300 --> 00:32:42.400
because the one is gonna come along.

674
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:44.600
And if you haven't learned how to pace,

675
00:32:44.600 --> 00:32:47.120
you will have yourself in a world of trouble

676
00:32:47.120 --> 00:32:48.640
because even if he's the one

677
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:51.120
that heaven says will be great for you,

678
00:32:51.160 --> 00:32:53.920
if you don't pace and you don't get to know each other,

679
00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:56.200
you're just gonna be a person with a ring on your finger

680
00:32:56.200 --> 00:32:58.920
that don't even know the man you're laying beside.

681
00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:01.100
And you're gonna expect him to be a husband

682
00:33:01.100 --> 00:33:03.560
when you should have learned him as a friend

683
00:33:03.560 --> 00:33:05.600
because friends tell each other everything,

684
00:33:05.600 --> 00:33:07.680
but husband and wife play a role.

685
00:33:08.600 --> 00:33:10.320
And so you need to understand

686
00:33:10.320 --> 00:33:12.320
that pacing gives you an opportunity

687
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:14.440
to develop a friendship with the person,

688
00:33:14.440 --> 00:33:17.360
to get to know them with a little pizzazz on it

689
00:33:17.360 --> 00:33:19.440
because they are kind of like, you know,

690
00:33:19.440 --> 00:33:21.360
wanting to talk to you romantically.

691
00:33:21.360 --> 00:33:24.000
So you wanna get both,

692
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:26.520
but you don't wanna bypass a process

693
00:33:26.520 --> 00:33:29.040
that's gonna cost you on the other side of I do.

694
00:33:30.780 --> 00:33:32.240
You gonna have to go through

695
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:34.000
whether you go on this side or this side,

696
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:36.200
but it's much harder when the pressure is on you

697
00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:37.760
for what you're supposed to be.

698
00:33:39.040 --> 00:33:40.080
Before you say I do,

699
00:33:40.080 --> 00:33:41.840
you don't have no supposed to be's.

700
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:45.640
It get like, this who I am, take it or leave it.

701
00:33:45.640 --> 00:33:46.840
Man, this how I roll.

702
00:33:46.840 --> 00:33:49.280
Like you get to do that.

703
00:33:50.120 --> 00:33:51.880
Because we get to do that,

704
00:33:51.880 --> 00:33:54.520
you wanna give space to the man to do that.

705
00:33:55.520 --> 00:33:56.520
You don't want somebody showing them

706
00:33:56.520 --> 00:33:58.160
like they're trying to perform for you.

707
00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:00.000
The only way a person feels pressure

708
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:02.600
from another person to perform

709
00:34:02.600 --> 00:34:07.520
is because you're saying there's someone else to you.

710
00:34:07.520 --> 00:34:09.400
They're not a friend, right?

711
00:34:09.400 --> 00:34:11.780
You're saying, are you a potential spouse?

712
00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:15.560
So it's more, it seems to be more on the line.

713
00:34:15.560 --> 00:34:17.960
All right, I'm gonna wrap us up in two minutes.

714
00:34:17.960 --> 00:34:19.360
I didn't get to everything,

715
00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:23.239
but also, so we talked about

716
00:34:23.239 --> 00:34:25.040
how insecurity shows up in fees

717
00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:27.520
and your trigger over analyzing everything.

718
00:34:27.520 --> 00:34:29.120
Why hasn't he texted me back yet?

719
00:34:29.120 --> 00:34:30.639
Did I say anything wrong?

720
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:32.060
So what's the trigger in it?

721
00:34:32.060 --> 00:34:34.239
The trigger is uncertainty.

722
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:35.080
That's your trigger.

723
00:34:35.080 --> 00:34:36.679
You're uncertain right now.

724
00:34:36.679 --> 00:34:39.360
And then what was the root of it?

725
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:41.400
A lack of internal security.

726
00:34:43.620 --> 00:34:45.760
Internally, you didn't feel secure.

727
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:47.760
Sometimes we believe

728
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.080
that it's the other person's responsibility

729
00:34:50.080 --> 00:34:52.280
to make us feel safe and secure.

730
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:56.120
So we say stuff like this, I feel so safe with them.

731
00:34:56.120 --> 00:34:57.800
They really make me feel like I can do this.

732
00:34:57.800 --> 00:34:59.600
They really make me feel like I can do this.

733
00:34:59.600 --> 00:35:00.440
And then when.

734
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.480
all goes downhill. You blame them for making you feel something that they couldn't hold up to.

735
00:35:05.360 --> 00:35:09.600
You bring safety to the table with you. You don't need anybody to make you feel safe.

736
00:35:09.600 --> 00:35:12.000
You came here safe. You're going to leave here safe.

737
00:35:14.720 --> 00:35:22.080
Okay. It is nice to fellowship with someone that there is safety there, but you carry safety.

738
00:35:22.080 --> 00:35:25.920
So when they leave your presence, let them say, man, I felt really safe there.

739
00:35:26.720 --> 00:35:32.160
But putting your responsibility off from someone else to make you feel secure,

740
00:35:32.160 --> 00:35:36.640
by did they text back in a timely fashion and now you feel insecure because they did not text you

741
00:35:36.640 --> 00:35:41.120
back or they didn't do something that made you feel secure and now your nervous system is all

742
00:35:41.120 --> 00:35:46.640
over the place because it's been six hours and they usually text back, but they ain't did it

743
00:35:46.640 --> 00:35:50.240
now. Now what can happen? And in your mind is really going, but you don't know what's

744
00:35:50.240 --> 00:35:54.320
playing in the background is I really liked them. I thought they liked me too.

745
00:35:54.320 --> 00:35:59.760
I gave some more myself and now they acting up. How can I take me back? I can't take me back.

746
00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:03.200
I was talking about him for a whole week on the phone with my friends. I thought he was the one.

747
00:36:05.520 --> 00:36:11.760
Do y'all hear that? All of that's happening in the background. I am telling you when your nervous

748
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:16.880
system gets out of whack, you have more riding on this thing that should be riding on. It's too

749
00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:25.920
much on the horse's back. We got to unpack that thing and we have to go in processes and pacing

750
00:36:26.720 --> 00:36:31.760
and one of the best things you can say to yourself is this is not my husband.

751
00:36:33.200 --> 00:36:39.600
This ain't no stuff like I don't want to speak what the Lord ain't saying. I am telling you if

752
00:36:39.600 --> 00:36:44.880
you get on these dating apps and you evaluate every man as your husband, you're going to find

753
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:49.360
that you're going to come up really short with the people you get to know. Getting to know people

754
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:58.080
help you get to know yourself. Some of us seek constant reassurance, so we need validation.

755
00:36:58.080 --> 00:37:03.920
We want clarity too early. That's the thing. Early on you need clarity because I'm not about

756
00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:13.440
to waste my time. We see that that is attached to something else. That's attached to something

757
00:37:13.520 --> 00:37:19.040
else is I'm not going to waste my time. That's a protection mechanism because how are you wasting

758
00:37:19.040 --> 00:37:27.840
your time? We want clarity too early and we're feeling anxious without affirmation.

759
00:37:27.840 --> 00:37:34.880
We don't get affirmation, we feel very anxious. The trigger of this, usually you're triggered

760
00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:41.120
when there's silence or a lot of space. The person goes a little silent, they put a little space in

761
00:37:41.120 --> 00:37:48.160
between you, you get a little nervous. It's not just you. This is totally in my boathouse.

762
00:37:49.120 --> 00:37:55.040
These things are very much real for me. They very much will come up. The root of this is

763
00:37:55.040 --> 00:38:02.160
fear of not being enough. Remember you didn't put that root in you. You don't have to be ashamed of

764
00:38:02.160 --> 00:38:08.800
the things that come up. You just got to know how to deal with them and identify them and replace

765
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:15.600
them with truth. This is what you learned in phase one. You remember revealing for healing cycle?

766
00:38:15.600 --> 00:38:22.560
Well, it doesn't stop. I'm going to wrap us up with this. The next one is comparing

767
00:38:22.560 --> 00:38:27.920
yourself to others. If you find out about their ex,

768
00:38:30.160 --> 00:38:34.720
you will compare yourself to her. I'm going to tell you this is something about me being

769
00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:41.600
a pleasantly plump and fine woman. If they had an ex, I can't wonder, I wonder if she big,

770
00:38:41.600 --> 00:38:47.200
I wonder if she skinny. My mind would just go, I wonder if she this, I wonder if she that,

771
00:38:47.200 --> 00:38:52.480
I wonder if she this, I wonder if she that. I wonder if I'm better. It would just go in this

772
00:38:52.480 --> 00:39:01.680
loop of comparison about this woman. His ex, other women, or social media,

773
00:39:01.680 --> 00:39:09.120
all of these things cause us to compare ourselves to others. The trigger is perceived competition.

774
00:39:09.120 --> 00:39:16.640
The root is identity insecurity. The next one is just run these out, overgiving or over-functioning.

775
00:39:16.640 --> 00:39:21.680
How many over-giving, over-functioning women do we have here? You believe that you're doing too

776
00:39:21.680 --> 00:39:26.720
much to, so what happens is some of the triggers of that, some of the signs that you'll see is

777
00:39:26.720 --> 00:39:34.080
you're doing too much too soon. You're trying to win him over. Those who really work to win a person

778
00:39:34.080 --> 00:39:41.120
over are usually little girls whose father did not see him, hear them, or know them. And she is

779
00:39:41.120 --> 00:39:49.040
constantly trying to win her daddy. I would try to win every man, not just a man I like, it could

780
00:39:49.040 --> 00:39:54.800
have been a pastor, could have been a leader. I wanted to win them. And when I saw that little

781
00:39:54.800 --> 00:40:00.000
girl fighting to win every man in her life, I knew that there is

782
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.000
a problem. And that is really rooted a lot of times in that little girl who wasn't seen, heard,

783
00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:11.120
or known by her father. Statistics studies say when a child or girl, especially a girl,

784
00:40:11.120 --> 00:40:16.000
is not seen, heard, or known by her father, she doesn't believe she has a voice in the world.

785
00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:20.640
She doesn't believe anybody wants to hear her. If you were not seen, heard, or known by your

786
00:40:20.640 --> 00:40:25.600
father and this resonates with you, then you can count it true for yourself too. You just don't

787
00:40:25.600 --> 00:40:29.440
believe anybody wants to hear what you have to say, that you're just not that important.

788
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:38.320
So the trigger is fear of losing that person. And then the root is you believe you must earn

789
00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:47.040
love. I believe I must earn love. I have believed it for so long and every time it comes up,

790
00:40:47.040 --> 00:40:52.720
I remind myself the truth. You don't have to earn love. It's been given to you freely by your father.

791
00:40:53.600 --> 00:40:58.480
And so, you know, just because we remind ourselves things over and over and over,

792
00:40:58.480 --> 00:41:04.400
it doesn't, it doesn't speak anything about your value or worth. It says that you are aware of

793
00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:10.000
yourself and you refuse to give the enemy a foothold in your life. He will not step all over

794
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:17.120
you. You are not his welcome mat, his walking mat, or some tool in his hand. That's what it says

795
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:24.800
about me, that I'm unwilling to be a punching bag for the enemy. And so I will not suppress,

796
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:30.160
I will not oppress, that I will look this thing in his face and I will speak the truth over who I am

797
00:41:30.160 --> 00:41:36.320
and I will stand on it because I'm not moving and I'm not backing down because I refuse to believe

798
00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:41.760
the lies of the enemy. Because whatever you believe about yourself is the reflection of

799
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:49.760
yourself that you'll go get in a minute, in a freeing. You're not gonna, you, you, you,

800
00:41:49.760 --> 00:41:58.320
you know, it says that water rises to its own level. If you have scales on your eyes, how will

801
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:07.040
you see? Okay. What is unknown to you about yourself is unknown. We want to help you know

802
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:15.200
yourself. All right. So I'm going to stop us right there. Um, these triggers are here. These

803
00:42:15.200 --> 00:42:19.520
things are here to help us grow. There are flags and there are signs for us to grow. I'm going to

804
00:42:19.520 --> 00:42:25.600
post the activation ladies and in the activation, you're going to ask the Holy Spirit and you'll

805
00:42:25.600 --> 00:42:30.400
see this posted. What have my recent triggers been trying to show me? I want you to start

806
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:35.280
evaluating your triggers. What are they trying to show you? We got to stop ignoring them.

807
00:42:36.080 --> 00:42:40.480
All right. What belief or fear is underneath this reaction? That's the second question.

808
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:44.880
Once you identify the trigger, what belief or fears underneath it? What's driving it?

809
00:42:45.600 --> 00:42:51.600
Okay. And then when did I first start believing this lie about myself? That's the rule. And you

810
00:42:51.600 --> 00:42:55.760
go through the revealing for healing cycle. Now you're going to bring that belief to the Lord.

811
00:42:55.760 --> 00:43:01.280
And it's going to look like this. I repent for partnering with the lie that I am not good enough.

812
00:43:01.440 --> 00:43:07.040
And you can go in details. I know that I feel this way because of this incident, but I break

813
00:43:07.040 --> 00:43:11.680
all agreement with this lie. And if I got actually forgive me forever partnering with this lie,

814
00:43:12.640 --> 00:43:17.040
right? So you break partnership with their belief. And then you say, God, what is your truth about me?

815
00:43:18.640 --> 00:43:22.400
And you're going to write down that truth. And the same way you rehearse that lie about yourself,

816
00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:26.640
you're going to rehearse that truth about you. I don't care if you have to rehearse it for a year.

817
00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:30.080
If you've been believing, you're not good enough. Since you were eight,

818
00:43:30.640 --> 00:43:35.040
it's going to take some time for that to get down in there. But this is the thing about the heart.

819
00:43:35.040 --> 00:43:40.560
It is an instrument of belief. Whatever you put in it, it will produce.

820
00:43:42.480 --> 00:43:49.200
The Bible says, so a man thinking in his heart. So is he there the travel time from here to the

821
00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:53.760
heart. But when it gets down in there, it is going to produce a harvest for you.

822
00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:58.400
When it gets down in there, it is going to produce a harvest for you that you will eat

823
00:43:58.400 --> 00:44:02.320
from and everybody around you will get to taste and see that God is good.

824
00:44:04.640 --> 00:44:10.160
Okay. So that's going to be your, um, your activation. And

825
00:44:12.640 --> 00:44:18.320
this is one of Jackie's, this, her prayer that changed my life. And I still say it over myself.

826
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:22.400
And so I just want to release it over you guys as we transition into questions,

827
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:28.320
but it says, Holy spirit, we invite you into every trigger, every insecurity in every hidden

828
00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:34.720
belief in our hearts, reveal the last we've been agreeing with and show us the truth of who we are

829
00:44:34.720 --> 00:44:42.480
in you help us to release fear, walking, healing, and growing true confidence rooted in your truth.

830
00:44:43.040 --> 00:44:51.920
Teach us, show us, heal us and grow us in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

831
00:44:52.400 --> 00:45:00.320
All right. Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't know who's hands up first.

832
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.760
But if this is how it goes, was it Kelly or Lovetta first?

833
00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:07.660
Lovetta was first, and then it was Kelly,

834
00:45:08.980 --> 00:45:13.000
and then was it you, Wanda, and then Joanne,

835
00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:14.200
and then Nadine.

836
00:45:15.780 --> 00:45:16.820
Now, that ain't right.

837
00:45:16.820 --> 00:45:18.580
You're speaking now for everyone to hold you peace.

838
00:45:18.580 --> 00:45:20.320
No, I'll fix it if it's wrong.

839
00:45:22.460 --> 00:45:24.900
Okay, let's go, Lovetta.

840
00:45:24.900 --> 00:45:26.860
Hey, and start off with the question first,

841
00:45:26.860 --> 00:45:29.860
so as you're talking, I can be processing your question.

842
00:45:34.420 --> 00:45:36.860
So that makes me have to think first.

843
00:45:36.860 --> 00:45:39.600
Okay, well, you may not know the question then.

844
00:45:39.600 --> 00:45:41.140
You may not know it, go ahead.

845
00:45:41.140 --> 00:45:44.060
Right, I guess I'm just questioning

846
00:45:44.060 --> 00:45:48.220
if I'm processing this right, and I'm not about to chase.

847
00:45:48.220 --> 00:45:51.220
I mean, a while back, I had posted,

848
00:45:51.220 --> 00:45:54.100
and Carla and I had talked about a fella,

849
00:45:54.180 --> 00:45:56.500
and she was seeing some red flags.

850
00:45:58.300 --> 00:46:01.260
Like, we had our first date, and then all of a sudden,

851
00:46:01.260 --> 00:46:05.380
it was like I was setting some boundaries, femininely,

852
00:46:05.380 --> 00:46:09.600
and he kind of came back with a little bit of gaslight,

853
00:46:09.600 --> 00:46:14.600
like not taking responsibility for him being agitated

854
00:46:15.700 --> 00:46:18.020
about something that I had said.

855
00:46:18.020 --> 00:46:20.980
And so we seemed to work that through,

856
00:46:20.980 --> 00:46:22.900
because I asked the question out of curiosity,

857
00:46:22.900 --> 00:46:26.460
like just curious, I'm like, why you were agitated?

858
00:46:26.460 --> 00:46:29.620
And he did explain that, you know,

859
00:46:29.620 --> 00:46:33.540
he thought it was a lack of miscommunication,

860
00:46:33.540 --> 00:46:36.260
and so we squared things away,

861
00:46:36.260 --> 00:46:39.140
and we've been on a couple of dates since then.

862
00:46:39.140 --> 00:46:43.960
And so this Saturday, we went on a date,

863
00:46:43.960 --> 00:46:47.580
and he drives about an hour and a half.

864
00:46:47.580 --> 00:46:50.660
It's a Saturday, he's Seventh-day Adventist,

865
00:46:50.660 --> 00:46:54.380
and, you know, I'm just getting to know the person, right?

866
00:46:54.380 --> 00:46:58.260
So they don't go into establishments

867
00:46:58.260 --> 00:47:01.500
or spend money in businesses on Saturdays,

868
00:47:01.500 --> 00:47:03.980
and so I kind of felt obligated,

869
00:47:03.980 --> 00:47:05.820
like, well, I don't know what to do,

870
00:47:05.820 --> 00:47:08.460
so let's go out to the state parks.

871
00:47:08.460 --> 00:47:11.260
So hop in my vehicle, let's go.

872
00:47:11.260 --> 00:47:13.180
And we had a nice conversation.

873
00:47:13.180 --> 00:47:14.700
We kind of talked about the difference

874
00:47:14.700 --> 00:47:16.100
in religions and stuff,

875
00:47:16.100 --> 00:47:21.100
and I asked him about,

876
00:47:22.060 --> 00:47:24.100
like, how they felt about the Holy Spirit

877
00:47:24.100 --> 00:47:25.260
and things of that sort,

878
00:47:25.260 --> 00:47:28.940
and his comment was, is they believe in the Holy Spirit,

879
00:47:28.940 --> 00:47:30.940
and I said, well, what about speaking in tongues?

880
00:47:30.940 --> 00:47:34.620
And he said, oh, well, people who speak in tongues,

881
00:47:34.620 --> 00:47:36.460
they've been filled with the devil.

882
00:47:38.220 --> 00:47:40.780
And I said, oh, I said, well, that's kind of hurtful.

883
00:47:40.780 --> 00:47:45.780
He said, you know, that one's a little hard for me

884
00:47:46.100 --> 00:47:49.580
because I have a personal experience with the Holy Spirit,

885
00:47:49.580 --> 00:47:54.540
and to me, that's, I can't see a day not speaking in tongues.

886
00:47:54.540 --> 00:47:59.060
I said, how would you respond to being with a woman,

887
00:47:59.060 --> 00:48:00.420
like, later down the road,

888
00:48:00.420 --> 00:48:04.980
who has got her praise music on and praying in tongues?

889
00:48:04.980 --> 00:48:07.940
Well, he goes, oh, well, that would be fine.

890
00:48:07.940 --> 00:48:10.540
And he's like, well, we don't have to have everything

891
00:48:10.540 --> 00:48:11.620
figured out.

892
00:48:11.620 --> 00:48:13.620
When the day was over, he asked for a hug.

893
00:48:13.620 --> 00:48:15.820
I get out of the car, and I've given him a hug before.

894
00:48:15.860 --> 00:48:17.660
I noticed on the date, he, you know,

895
00:48:17.660 --> 00:48:19.900
tended to want to get a little touchy,

896
00:48:19.900 --> 00:48:21.860
said he really enjoyed my time

897
00:48:21.860 --> 00:48:23.340
and wanted to spend more time with me,

898
00:48:23.340 --> 00:48:24.980
and I agreed with him.

899
00:48:24.980 --> 00:48:27.220
I said, I enjoy spending time with you, too.

900
00:48:27.220 --> 00:48:31.260
I said, I just take things very slow,

901
00:48:31.260 --> 00:48:34.220
and I enjoy getting to know people.

902
00:48:34.220 --> 00:48:35.620
So at the end of the date,

903
00:48:35.620 --> 00:48:38.820
he gives me a hug and gives me a kiss.

904
00:48:38.820 --> 00:48:43.500
And, like, I didn't even know it was coming,

905
00:48:43.500 --> 00:48:46.460
so I was a little thrown off guard.

906
00:48:46.460 --> 00:48:50.060
And I wanted to have a conversation with him about that,

907
00:48:50.060 --> 00:48:54.420
feeling like, look, you know,

908
00:48:54.420 --> 00:48:56.820
you didn't even ask my permission.

909
00:48:56.820 --> 00:48:59.820
And I made a comment, like, I pulled back,

910
00:48:59.820 --> 00:49:01.060
and I'm like, well, people are watching,

911
00:49:01.060 --> 00:49:03.140
and he's like, oh, I don't care.

912
00:49:03.140 --> 00:49:08.140
And obviously I did, because I wouldn't have said anything.

913
00:49:08.780 --> 00:49:13.780
So then, to be honest, my feelings aren't super hurt.

914
00:49:14.340 --> 00:49:17.620
Just, like, yesterday he was messaging

915
00:49:17.620 --> 00:49:19.860
that he wanted to schedule another date

916
00:49:19.860 --> 00:49:23.660
and then asked if it was, like,

917
00:49:25.620 --> 00:49:28.020
able to get together at each other's homes.

918
00:49:28.020 --> 00:49:29.700
And I just said, I feel it's too soon

919
00:49:29.700 --> 00:49:31.980
to be gathering at people's homes.

920
00:49:31.980 --> 00:49:34.020
And all of a sudden it's like, oh, you know,

921
00:49:34.020 --> 00:49:36.420
he doesn't want to do, he's gonna get busy.

922
00:49:36.420 --> 00:49:38.260
The summer's coming, he's gonna get super busy.

923
00:49:38.260 --> 00:49:40.100
He doesn't have time to travel.

924
00:49:40.100 --> 00:49:42.060
So it's just a little off-putting.

925
00:49:44.180 --> 00:49:46.180
And like I said, I'm not taking it super hard,

926
00:49:46.180 --> 00:49:47.860
because I wasn't viewing him as my husband.

927
00:49:47.860 --> 00:49:50.500
I was trying to get him to know us as a person.

928
00:49:51.780 --> 00:49:56.780
But the excuse is, like, what do you do?

929
00:49:58.460 --> 00:50:00.460
Like, he says he doesn't want to do it.

930
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.760
He wants to get to know me better, but summer is coming,

931
00:50:02.760 --> 00:50:04.880
and it's almost like again,

932
00:50:04.880 --> 00:50:08.720
like he's wanting me to go into the chase mode.

933
00:50:08.720 --> 00:50:11.400
And that happened before.

934
00:50:11.400 --> 00:50:13.560
And when I didn't chase, he came back around,

935
00:50:13.560 --> 00:50:16.080
and it's like, it gets exhausting.

936
00:50:16.080 --> 00:50:18.440
I'm feeling like, I used to think it was sweet

937
00:50:18.440 --> 00:50:21.040
that people wanted to move so fast,

938
00:50:21.040 --> 00:50:23.400
but I think this is part of my healing journey,

939
00:50:23.400 --> 00:50:25.840
going like, hey, let's just slow down

940
00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:27.960
and take some time to get to know each other.

941
00:50:27.960 --> 00:50:29.760
Like, no pressure, you're busy.

942
00:50:29.800 --> 00:50:31.000
I'm busy.

943
00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:33.720
You know, I mean, eventually after three, four months,

944
00:50:33.720 --> 00:50:36.200
you would assume that we would have a plan in place,

945
00:50:36.200 --> 00:50:40.040
but three dates within a month and a couple of phone calls,

946
00:50:40.040 --> 00:50:43.240
and it's like the nonstop back and forth texting every day

947
00:50:43.240 --> 00:50:45.600
about like nothing.

948
00:50:46.640 --> 00:50:48.720
And I don't like to discuss,

949
00:50:48.720 --> 00:50:50.480
I'm placing a boundary that I don't like

950
00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:53.240
to be too personal via text.

951
00:50:53.240 --> 00:50:55.720
If you've got a serious question to ask me,

952
00:50:55.720 --> 00:50:58.840
then we can schedule time for a phone call.

953
00:50:58.840 --> 00:51:02.280
I like the texting to be light,

954
00:51:02.280 --> 00:51:07.280
and then it leaves a little bit less possibility

955
00:51:07.440 --> 00:51:12.200
for the miscommunication in texting.

956
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:16.160
Am I processing this properly?

957
00:51:16.160 --> 00:51:18.600
Yeah, you're processing this properly.

958
00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:21.840
So what you wanna do is have a conversation with him

959
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:23.480
about kissing you.

960
00:51:23.480 --> 00:51:26.120
And so that conversation sounds like,

961
00:51:26.120 --> 00:51:29.920
hey, we're both aware of the fact

962
00:51:29.920 --> 00:51:32.120
that you kissed me last time we were together.

963
00:51:32.120 --> 00:51:34.280
You didn't ask for my permission.

964
00:51:34.280 --> 00:51:38.320
And I don't like that, and don't ever do it again.

965
00:51:39.680 --> 00:51:41.360
Well, he's already kind of bowed out.

966
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:42.680
He's getting too busy,

967
00:51:42.680 --> 00:51:45.080
and he just doesn't have time to travel to come see me.

968
00:51:45.080 --> 00:51:48.120
But this is a good conversation for you to have.

969
00:51:48.120 --> 00:51:49.600
Good that he's bowed out.

970
00:51:49.600 --> 00:51:51.160
There's no pressure.

971
00:51:51.160 --> 00:51:53.960
But I think that it would do a lot for you

972
00:51:53.960 --> 00:51:56.480
when a man comes and put his hands

973
00:51:56.480 --> 00:51:58.640
or his lips on your body,

974
00:51:58.640 --> 00:52:02.200
that you voice that I did not like it,

975
00:52:02.200 --> 00:52:03.320
and don't do it again.

976
00:52:03.320 --> 00:52:04.600
You're going to feel it.

977
00:52:04.600 --> 00:52:05.880
And when you do it,

978
00:52:05.880 --> 00:52:08.160
you're gonna sense something happening in you.

979
00:52:08.160 --> 00:52:10.320
You're bringing back the power to yourself

980
00:52:10.320 --> 00:52:12.920
because he won't be the first, the last man

981
00:52:12.920 --> 00:52:14.280
that does something like that.

982
00:52:14.280 --> 00:52:16.440
And so the next time one comes in towards you

983
00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:17.760
to kiss you, you're gonna put your hand up

984
00:52:17.760 --> 00:52:18.880
and hit him in his nose,

985
00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:21.520
and I bet you won't come back to your face again.

986
00:52:22.280 --> 00:52:23.120
I'm tired.

987
00:52:25.760 --> 00:52:26.760
What are you doing?

988
00:52:27.920 --> 00:52:28.760
Right?

989
00:52:28.760 --> 00:52:30.720
Your body is not one to be had.

990
00:52:30.720 --> 00:52:32.040
It's someone's own disposal,

991
00:52:32.040 --> 00:52:35.280
and they just think they want to bend in and kiss you.

992
00:52:35.280 --> 00:52:36.960
Ain't nothing sweet about that.

993
00:52:39.000 --> 00:52:40.560
It's not sweet about that.

994
00:52:40.560 --> 00:52:42.160
It's nothing sweet about that.

995
00:52:42.160 --> 00:52:43.920
And I used to think it was sweet.

996
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:45.200
And then like today I was,

997
00:52:45.200 --> 00:52:46.760
or like that day,

998
00:52:46.760 --> 00:52:49.200
like I get in the vehicle and I'm like, how dare he?

999
00:52:49.200 --> 00:52:51.160
He had no right to take that from me.

1000
00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:53.840
I was not willing to offer that yet.

1001
00:52:53.840 --> 00:52:54.680
That's right.

1002
00:52:54.680 --> 00:52:58.560
I'm willing to offer you two, three, four hours

1003
00:52:58.560 --> 00:53:01.400
once a week or every other weekend,

1004
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:03.680
and maybe some time on the phone

1005
00:53:03.680 --> 00:53:04.600
to get to know each other.

1006
00:53:04.600 --> 00:53:05.480
And it's like,

1007
00:53:08.080 --> 00:53:10.200
these men like want it now,

1008
00:53:10.200 --> 00:53:11.840
and they want you chasing,

1009
00:53:11.840 --> 00:53:16.040
which I can see that insecurity popping in.

1010
00:53:16.040 --> 00:53:19.200
And he's not feeling like he's being validated enough,

1011
00:53:19.200 --> 00:53:22.120
but am I supposed to validate him by like chasing him down

1012
00:53:22.120 --> 00:53:24.480
and give him all the kisses he wants?

1013
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:27.560
And it's like, then I'm not,

1014
00:53:27.560 --> 00:53:29.640
I don't feel good about that.

1015
00:53:29.640 --> 00:53:30.480
Right.

1016
00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:31.480
So let me help you.

1017
00:53:31.480 --> 00:53:33.440
These men don't want that.

1018
00:53:33.440 --> 00:53:35.280
The men that you've talked to

1019
00:53:35.280 --> 00:53:37.240
have seemed to desire that from you,

1020
00:53:37.240 --> 00:53:39.280
which you did not give that to them.

1021
00:53:39.280 --> 00:53:41.400
And this is a place of strengthening for you

1022
00:53:41.400 --> 00:53:43.880
because there's something you would have done in the past.

1023
00:53:43.880 --> 00:53:46.120
And so I want you to put this in perspective

1024
00:53:46.120 --> 00:53:48.920
that the Lord has been gracious in this way,

1025
00:53:49.600 --> 00:53:51.000
that he's sharpening that part of you

1026
00:53:51.000 --> 00:53:53.720
so that it will never be again.

1027
00:53:53.720 --> 00:53:56.080
And so sometimes when we see a repeat,

1028
00:53:56.080 --> 00:53:59.040
we have to see that repeat as a practice.

1029
00:53:59.040 --> 00:54:00.640
And so that's why it's so important

1030
00:54:00.640 --> 00:54:02.840
that you follow up with your,

1031
00:54:02.840 --> 00:54:04.160
I don't care if he doesn't see you again,

1032
00:54:04.160 --> 00:54:06.760
like, hey, you kissed me, you crossed the line,

1033
00:54:06.760 --> 00:54:08.320
don't ever do that again.

1034
00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:13.040
Don't put in, it'd be different if I, if nothing,

1035
00:54:13.040 --> 00:54:17.040
you did this, I did not like it, it was wrong,

1036
00:54:17.040 --> 00:54:19.400
it violated me, don't ever do it again.

1037
00:54:21.640 --> 00:54:23.680
So I did make a comment this morning.

1038
00:54:23.680 --> 00:54:27.280
I said something to the fact when he all of a sudden says,

1039
00:54:30.520 --> 00:54:33.320
he all of a sudden said like, oh, he's like,

1040
00:54:34.720 --> 00:54:38.440
it's too much, almost too much work to come see me

1041
00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:40.560
because it's such a drive and he only gets a few hours.

1042
00:54:40.560 --> 00:54:42.440
And I just said, my comment was,

1043
00:54:42.440 --> 00:54:43.800
could have went without stealing

1044
00:54:43.800 --> 00:54:45.360
that kiss the other day then.

1045
00:54:47.880 --> 00:54:49.000
Mm-hmm.

1046
00:54:49.000 --> 00:54:51.480
I want you to not make comments.

1047
00:54:51.480 --> 00:54:53.520
I want to address it head on.

1048
00:54:53.520 --> 00:54:54.520
Okay.

1049
00:54:54.520 --> 00:54:56.960
Okay, and so that comment sounded like,

1050
00:54:56.960 --> 00:54:58.840
well, because you're now saying that you weren't,

1051
00:54:58.840 --> 00:55:00.440
you're not gonna wanna come in.

1052
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.280
anymore, you shouldn't have kissed me.

1053
00:55:02.280 --> 00:55:04.440
That's what that sounds like.

1054
00:55:04.440 --> 00:55:05.280
All right.

1055
00:55:05.280 --> 00:55:06.240
Because now you've kissed me,

1056
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:07.600
but you're not willing to make good

1057
00:55:07.600 --> 00:55:10.000
on any more part of our processes.

1058
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:11.600
Because when he kissed you this time,

1059
00:55:11.600 --> 00:55:13.480
when he came back and wanted to come to your house,

1060
00:55:13.480 --> 00:55:14.880
trust me, he wasn't coming to your house

1061
00:55:14.880 --> 00:55:16.880
to eat popcorn and watch a movie.

1062
00:55:16.880 --> 00:55:17.760
Exactly.

1063
00:55:17.760 --> 00:55:20.440
Well, that's what I was thinking too.

1064
00:55:20.440 --> 00:55:21.280
Yeah.

1065
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:25.080
And so I would go ahead and I saw,

1066
00:55:27.280 --> 00:55:29.640
I know your past experiences have told you

1067
00:55:29.640 --> 00:55:32.600
that men desire you to chase them.

1068
00:55:32.600 --> 00:55:34.920
If there's a man that wants a woman to chase them,

1069
00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:36.840
he's not really very masculine at all

1070
00:55:36.840 --> 00:55:39.080
because that's not the nature

1071
00:55:39.080 --> 00:55:42.160
of the masculine order of a man.

1072
00:55:42.160 --> 00:55:44.960
However, he said, he's gonna be so busy.

1073
00:55:44.960 --> 00:55:48.520
He's gonna be all these things you completely understand.

1074
00:55:48.520 --> 00:55:50.280
You've had practice with him.

1075
00:55:50.280 --> 00:55:51.720
You're gonna make sure you go back

1076
00:55:51.720 --> 00:55:53.520
and reinstate that boundary by kissing you

1077
00:55:53.520 --> 00:55:55.720
whether you don't talk to him for the next three months.

1078
00:55:55.720 --> 00:55:57.600
And my encouragement will be to you,

1079
00:55:57.600 --> 00:55:59.280
don't reach out again.

1080
00:55:59.920 --> 00:56:02.480
If he wants to talk to you, he can reach out to you,

1081
00:56:03.480 --> 00:56:05.600
but you're not doing a house thing.

1082
00:56:05.600 --> 00:56:08.680
So if this is gold, let it die out.

1083
00:56:08.680 --> 00:56:09.520
Yeah.

1084
00:56:12.160 --> 00:56:13.000
Yeah.

1085
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:15.640
I'm excited for you to set a boundary about your body.

1086
00:56:15.640 --> 00:56:17.600
It's gonna do wonders for you.

1087
00:56:17.600 --> 00:56:19.800
I will go back in and just say,

1088
00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:24.680
sounds like you've got a lot of events planned.

1089
00:56:24.680 --> 00:56:27.000
I do wanna address the issue that

1090
00:56:27.960 --> 00:56:31.360
I don't appreciate or,

1091
00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:32.360
how do you even word that?

1092
00:56:32.360 --> 00:56:35.120
I don't, I didn't like the fact

1093
00:56:35.120 --> 00:56:39.240
that you came in for a kiss the other day

1094
00:56:39.240 --> 00:56:44.240
without the mutual, like.

1095
00:56:44.840 --> 00:56:46.840
No, without asking me.

1096
00:56:46.840 --> 00:56:48.160
Without asking me.

1097
00:56:48.160 --> 00:56:50.720
There's power in without asking me.

1098
00:56:50.720 --> 00:56:52.840
He has to answer to you.

1099
00:56:52.840 --> 00:56:54.840
That says you answer to me.

1100
00:56:54.840 --> 00:56:56.360
Not with a mutual agreement.

1101
00:56:56.360 --> 00:56:58.080
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1102
00:56:58.080 --> 00:57:00.680
You act about my body,

1103
00:57:02.120 --> 00:57:04.560
about this over here,

1104
00:57:04.560 --> 00:57:08.640
there has to be a question asked that I respond to.

1105
00:57:08.640 --> 00:57:10.880
Not because my body look like I want it.

1106
00:57:10.880 --> 00:57:12.520
That's how so many women have been raped

1107
00:57:12.520 --> 00:57:14.880
because they say they look like they wanted it.

1108
00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:16.840
Right?

1109
00:57:18.920 --> 00:57:21.720
Men, men, anybody has to answer to someone

1110
00:57:21.720 --> 00:57:22.760
for touching their body.

1111
00:57:22.760 --> 00:57:24.280
You just don't get to do that.

1112
00:57:25.160 --> 00:57:26.000
Okay?

1113
00:57:26.000 --> 00:57:27.360
So we're rebuilding the walls

1114
00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:28.920
and every breach that's been in your life,

1115
00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:32.160
we just declared that it will not go with you any further.

1116
00:57:32.160 --> 00:57:34.400
The Lord is expanding your territory.

1117
00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:36.000
And I believe that the boundary lines

1118
00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:38.000
are falling for you in pleasant places.

1119
00:57:38.000 --> 00:57:40.160
I believe God restores and redeems

1120
00:57:40.160 --> 00:57:42.040
and he makes whole and he reveals

1121
00:57:42.040 --> 00:57:44.080
so that he can redeem and restore.

1122
00:57:44.080 --> 00:57:45.720
So my encouragement would be to you

1123
00:57:45.720 --> 00:57:48.320
to take every opportunity you can

1124
00:57:48.320 --> 00:57:51.520
to allow the Lord to repair breaches in your life.

1125
00:57:51.520 --> 00:57:52.920
Because when he's done with you,

1126
00:57:52.920 --> 00:57:54.560
you're going to be whole, complete,

1127
00:57:54.560 --> 00:57:56.560
and lacking no good thing.

1128
00:57:58.600 --> 00:58:01.240
And so do it, do with everything in you.

1129
00:58:01.240 --> 00:58:03.360
You may think that marriage is a far off,

1130
00:58:03.360 --> 00:58:04.240
but I ain't telling you,

1131
00:58:04.240 --> 00:58:07.240
you have a short window of time to deal with things

1132
00:58:07.240 --> 00:58:09.760
that are going to hinder the moving forward

1133
00:58:09.760 --> 00:58:12.680
of your marriage in a kingdom-like way.

1134
00:58:12.680 --> 00:58:14.120
Because everything that's in you

1135
00:58:14.120 --> 00:58:16.560
is going to come all up, bubbling up then.

1136
00:58:16.560 --> 00:58:18.400
That's why we're dealing with it now.

1137
00:58:20.160 --> 00:58:21.320
Okay?

1138
00:58:21.320 --> 00:58:22.160
Thank you.

1139
00:58:22.160 --> 00:58:23.000
You're welcome.

1140
00:58:23.920 --> 00:58:24.880
Hi, Kelly.

1141
00:58:28.480 --> 00:58:29.320
Hi.

1142
00:58:30.200 --> 00:58:35.200
So anyhow, I haven't spoken with my parents

1143
00:58:35.960 --> 00:58:37.440
for about three years,

1144
00:58:37.440 --> 00:58:42.000
and my dad has reached out a couple of times

1145
00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:43.920
and I pray for them daily,

1146
00:58:43.920 --> 00:58:46.520
but growing up was very, very abusive

1147
00:58:46.520 --> 00:58:50.480
and they just crossed,

1148
00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:54.560
my dad crossed a line that he tried

1149
00:58:54.560 --> 00:58:57.160
to get my daughter and I fighting.

1150
00:58:57.160 --> 00:58:59.600
And that was just a line that was,

1151
00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:05.120
I did not want to,

1152
00:59:07.880 --> 00:59:12.880
it was just a line that I wouldn't go back on.

1153
00:59:13.000 --> 00:59:16.160
I wouldn't go back on.

1154
00:59:16.160 --> 00:59:21.160
And so the last couple weeks,

1155
00:59:21.880 --> 00:59:24.480
he's reached out twice

1156
00:59:24.480 --> 00:59:28.560
and said some really, really hurtful things.

1157
00:59:28.560 --> 00:59:33.560
And then the one,

1158
00:59:33.560 --> 00:59:36.440
the person that I had dated,

1159
00:59:36.440 --> 00:59:40.080
the first person that I had dated after Ryan passed away

1160
00:59:40.120 --> 00:59:42.800
has been reaching out also.

1161
00:59:42.800 --> 00:59:47.800
And he had all that time to decide

1162
00:59:51.720 --> 00:59:53.480
that he had wanted,

1163
00:59:53.480 --> 00:59:55.840
if he wanted to date

1164
00:59:55.840 --> 01:00:00.840
and he just had basically just had to.

1165
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:12.080
had very disrespectfully had done some really hurtful things and it's like, you know, you

1166
01:00:12.080 --> 01:00:20.760
do the hard work and you think that things are going, you know, in the right direction

1167
01:00:20.760 --> 01:00:30.560
and then these things hit and you just don't know, like, like, are you supposed to it's

1168
01:00:30.560 --> 01:00:38.760
like, I keep on telling myself that, you know, forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. Like

1169
01:00:38.760 --> 01:00:47.760
you don't have to reconcile just because you did your forgiveness prayer sheets.

1170
01:00:47.760 --> 01:00:59.200
Yeah. Right. Right. So, so tell me why you continue to talk with him.

1171
01:00:59.200 --> 01:01:09.680
I like I just delete every time you like I've really wanted, you know, I've contemplated

1172
01:01:09.680 --> 01:01:20.880
blocking again. Yeah. I just haven't gotten to that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's

1173
01:01:20.880 --> 01:01:25.920
not why it literally you could do while you're on the phone with us. If you want to block

1174
01:01:25.920 --> 01:01:33.000
you need some encouragement. It's very quickly. So I think the question, the issue is not

1175
01:01:33.000 --> 01:01:39.840
the person. The question I want Kelly to ask herself is why am I continuing to talk to

1176
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:48.680
this person? And they answer it. Honestly, I don't know why. I know this has been kind

1177
01:01:48.680 --> 01:01:55.800
of longstanding that you have going on, but you just enjoy someone talking to you. You,

1178
01:01:55.800 --> 01:02:01.000
I don't know what it is. I can't even believe I can't even think it's almost a punishment

1179
01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:10.920
to myself. Yeah. So why do you believe you should be punished? I don't know. Ask yourself.

1180
01:02:10.920 --> 01:02:22.560
Why do I believe I should be punished? Punishment is for people who do bad things. What did

1181
01:02:22.560 --> 01:02:42.280
you do bad Kelly? You don't know. But what, what about is Kelly so bad? What about you

1182
01:02:42.280 --> 01:02:51.280
is so bad? So, oh, you got something to say? That's all I was told the whole time I was

1183
01:02:51.360 --> 01:03:01.920
growing up is how horrible I was. Yeah. Which, which says that you don't, which if you're

1184
01:03:01.920 --> 01:03:08.800
horrible, that means that you don't deserve the very best. And that you should get something

1185
01:03:08.800 --> 01:03:15.680
that is of equal to your horribleness or to your badness, if there's a word. And so that means this

1186
01:03:15.680 --> 01:03:20.560
person is allowed to be a part of your life. They treated you bad the way you feel like you deserve

1187
01:03:20.560 --> 01:03:25.520
to be treated because there's no way you can believe you deserve something else. And you'll

1188
01:03:25.520 --> 01:03:34.240
keep them around to keep punishing you. And so today I will be a voice of truth for you.

1189
01:03:34.880 --> 01:03:41.440
There's nothing bad about you, not inherently bad about you. When heaven designed you and created

1190
01:03:41.440 --> 01:03:46.640
you, you were created good. If you believe in Jesus Christ and the blood of Christ is enough

1191
01:03:46.640 --> 01:03:51.680
for you, the Bible says that we are overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our

1192
01:03:51.680 --> 01:03:57.920
testimonies. And we did not love our lives to death. And so that means that your righteousness

1193
01:03:57.920 --> 01:04:03.280
is as a filthy rank in his sight. It says, but he who knew no sin became seen that we may be

1194
01:04:03.280 --> 01:04:09.760
the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Now, these are just scriptures until you,

1195
01:04:09.760 --> 01:04:15.760
until you lay hold to them, because if you don't claim them and lay hold to them and believe them

1196
01:04:15.840 --> 01:04:22.080
as true, you don't believe the blood is sufficient and that the blood of Jesus is not sufficient.

1197
01:04:22.080 --> 01:04:27.200
There is no sufficient sufficiency for you in the earth because your righteousness is

1198
01:04:27.200 --> 01:04:30.400
as a field direct. You're going to always make mistakes. You're going to always fall short.

1199
01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:36.400
There's no way around it. This is just the way that goes because we're human.

1200
01:04:38.240 --> 01:04:43.360
You understand what I'm saying? And so today I speak words of truth and I speak words of

1201
01:04:43.360 --> 01:04:48.560
light to you. Though you've been told your whole life that you're horrible and that you're bad.

1202
01:04:48.560 --> 01:04:55.440
And maybe you've done some things that testify of it. It is not the truth about who you are.

1203
01:04:55.440 --> 01:04:59.920
Those are facts, but it's not true. And so I.

1204
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.700
Encourage you to accept the truth that you are wonderful that you are accepted and that you are loved and that you're worthy of love

1205
01:05:07.700 --> 01:05:09.700
And that's the truth

1206
01:05:10.240 --> 01:05:13.800
You don't have to work for that. That's why I can say it was such confidence

1207
01:05:14.240 --> 01:05:19.080
So when you hear that thing, he said well, she don't even know me. That's the thing about how God designed it

1208
01:05:19.080 --> 01:05:22.220
I don't have to know you. I'm looking at you. You got breath in your body

1209
01:05:24.240 --> 01:05:26.420
Because of that you're worthy of love

1210
01:05:27.220 --> 01:05:33.340
The Bible says for God so loved the world that he gave all that he had we're the world we're the people

1211
01:05:34.100 --> 01:05:35.140
and

1212
01:05:35.140 --> 01:05:37.580
So everything about you says that you're worthy

1213
01:05:38.300 --> 01:05:42.580
Everything about you says that you're good because the image of you points to the father

1214
01:05:43.860 --> 01:05:45.300
and

1215
01:05:45.300 --> 01:05:49.660
so I hope that you will receive those words of truth as your own and

1216
01:05:49.860 --> 01:05:54.180
I pray that you will begin to kick out every lie in your life

1217
01:05:54.940 --> 01:05:58.940
Whether it's in a person or whether it lives on the inside of you

1218
01:06:03.500 --> 01:06:06.060
Thank you, you're welcome Kelly

1219
01:06:10.060 --> 01:06:15.260
Wanda I know you had put your hand out and then you put it back up, but you still were after Kelly

1220
01:06:16.460 --> 01:06:19.540
Yes, that's fine. I'm here. I just had a bad connection

1221
01:06:20.020 --> 01:06:25.060
So I had to come out and I came back in so I'll try to make this as quickly as possible

1222
01:06:26.860 --> 01:06:33.000
Recently I set up a profile for dating on Facebook and with

1223
01:06:33.580 --> 01:06:38.860
Relatively quickly. I had two men interested a match

1224
01:06:39.620 --> 01:06:41.620
and of those two men

1225
01:06:42.060 --> 01:06:44.060
one I had started to

1226
01:06:44.420 --> 01:06:47.100
quickly move from the texting to

1227
01:06:47.620 --> 01:06:50.300
To a video call

1228
01:06:51.100 --> 01:06:52.100
to

1229
01:06:52.100 --> 01:06:55.140
Two more calls and then we got together

1230
01:06:56.140 --> 01:06:58.820
And I guess you could say it was a date

1231
01:06:59.660 --> 01:07:04.100
Physically this Sunday. We went to a skincare event and then we went

1232
01:07:04.740 --> 01:07:09.580
You know to get a bite to eat afterwards. He's a good guy

1233
01:07:10.820 --> 01:07:12.820
Christian we have a lot in common

1234
01:07:13.860 --> 01:07:14.940
and

1235
01:07:14.940 --> 01:07:21.660
We can talk very easily about stuff. So it's been a week that we've been talking. He initiates everything

1236
01:07:22.180 --> 01:07:29.420
Which I like he always tells me. Hey, can you talk during this time? Yeah, you know, so always initiating

1237
01:07:30.140 --> 01:07:32.060
respectful

1238
01:07:32.060 --> 01:07:35.120
You know opens doors gets my you know

1239
01:07:35.780 --> 01:07:41.100
My chair, you know ready and puts my straw in my in my drink

1240
01:07:41.100 --> 01:07:44.180
So I think they're really, you know, very

1241
01:07:44.820 --> 01:07:52.660
gentlemen, like but we have recently started talking about some deeper things about you know, like my

1242
01:07:53.220 --> 01:07:56.100
Divorce, you know, I was married for over 30 years

1243
01:07:56.980 --> 01:08:04.660
And I yeah, and I told them that I believe in marriage. It's God's idea and I would never have

1244
01:08:05.660 --> 01:08:12.940
Even divorced him except for he ended up leaving and and was with another woman and he wouldn't repent

1245
01:08:13.060 --> 01:08:16.060
And he wouldn't come back home to work on our marriage

1246
01:08:16.060 --> 01:08:22.899
so after about a year that I had just felt like the Lord said it's time to end it and then

1247
01:08:23.180 --> 01:08:26.220
Fast forward it was four and a half years later

1248
01:08:26.340 --> 01:08:29.100
You know, I just did some hard work here

1249
01:08:29.100 --> 01:08:34.819
Of course some hard work some other places and I felt like the Lord wanted me to go back into the dating

1250
01:08:34.819 --> 01:08:40.300
You know, you know pool so, you know, we talked about you know his you know marriage

1251
01:08:40.300 --> 01:08:44.180
He was only married seven years and he's a few years older than I am

1252
01:08:44.700 --> 01:08:48.540
So I had just come up with the question about well

1253
01:08:48.540 --> 01:08:50.540
Have you ever been in a serious relationship?

1254
01:08:50.620 --> 01:08:55.340
After that where it was gonna lead to marriage and he said yeah as a matter of fact two years ago

1255
01:08:55.340 --> 01:08:58.340
I was with a woman for five years and

1256
01:08:59.580 --> 01:09:03.060
It was serious and we ended up living together. So

1257
01:09:03.819 --> 01:09:10.060
After that, I felt like just saying, you know, I hope you're not, you know thinking that I'm gonna judge you at all

1258
01:09:10.060 --> 01:09:12.620
but I just want you to know that I

1259
01:09:13.300 --> 01:09:17.580
believe that sex is in the context of marriage and

1260
01:09:18.220 --> 01:09:20.859
for me, I'm only going to

1261
01:09:21.660 --> 01:09:24.260
allow that within marriage and

1262
01:09:24.939 --> 01:09:28.460
And basically I just want you to know that now, you know

1263
01:09:28.460 --> 01:09:32.500
And that was it and he had to go because I guess he was gonna join

1264
01:09:33.100 --> 01:09:40.420
some kind of zoom meeting or something or whatever, but I did see him blush a lot after we were having that conversation

1265
01:09:41.819 --> 01:09:43.180
so I

1266
01:09:43.180 --> 01:09:46.260
The way I hope everybody can help me process

1267
01:09:46.260 --> 01:09:50.500
This is like we have been speaking a lot during the last seven days

1268
01:09:50.779 --> 01:09:52.779
We have spent five hours

1269
01:09:53.220 --> 01:09:59.900
Physically together. I don't think that you know that I went into it too quickly about that

1270
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.080
And I do, he does know, I said, if you're going to know something about me is I'm a God-fearing woman.

1271
01:10:06.640 --> 01:10:11.760
I said, I believe the Bible. I just don't. I mean, I believe in reading it, but I also

1272
01:10:11.760 --> 01:10:16.080
believe in being obedient to the Bible. You know, everybody's a Christian, I said,

1273
01:10:16.080 --> 01:10:22.400
until you have to get biblical about it. And I said, so, you know, basically I said,

1274
01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:27.040
that was it. You know, I don't know if he's going to call me anymore or anything, but

1275
01:10:27.040 --> 01:10:33.520
I'm okay if he does, and I'm okay if he doesn't. I just had to say it because this is me. Is he

1276
01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:39.360
going to love all of me or he just not, but I'm not going to give him false pretense that

1277
01:10:39.360 --> 01:10:44.640
if we continue to talk and everything that he's going to think that I'm a person who would be okay

1278
01:10:44.640 --> 01:10:50.720
with having sex outside of marriage. So that's where I want to share that with the community.

1279
01:10:51.440 --> 01:10:58.640
Well, thank you for sharing, Wanda. You know, one thing about when we get to share with somebody

1280
01:10:58.640 --> 01:11:04.880
who we are, if a man sticks around and if he is not a man that is moved by conviction to

1281
01:11:04.880 --> 01:11:10.800
operate in righteousness, then the proof then becomes in the pudding. And so you will find

1282
01:11:10.800 --> 01:11:16.160
out along the way, if he says, oh, that's great, but you seem like a pretty straight up woman,

1283
01:11:16.160 --> 01:11:23.600
you're going to be able to tell when he is testing the waters to see if you hold your word.

1284
01:11:23.600 --> 01:11:29.280
And so it's really good that people receive us as we are, but it's also good, especially

1285
01:11:29.920 --> 01:11:35.760
being righteous and moving in the conviction of your faith, that a person also holds those truths

1286
01:11:35.760 --> 01:11:41.600
at the core of who they are. And that's kind of like when we get into spirit DNA, but you guys

1287
01:11:41.600 --> 01:11:51.040
are not even level two yet. But, and so, yeah, I think because you had the conversation,

1288
01:11:51.920 --> 01:11:57.680
I mean, you was my five year, clearly they had to be living together. And so you knows a little

1289
01:11:57.680 --> 01:12:02.720
ding, ding went off on the inside of you when he said like, oh no, don't even think it's this

1290
01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:08.720
type of party and you can get kicked rocks right now if you think I'm doing that.

1291
01:12:09.680 --> 01:12:16.000
Yeah, I think that's what it was. I just wanted to be very clear that, but I also said to him,

1292
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:21.520
just so you know, I'm not, I'm not blaming anybody, the man, the woman, it takes two to agree

1293
01:12:21.520 --> 01:12:27.360
to do this, you know, had the woman been a righteous woman and would have been biblical,

1294
01:12:27.360 --> 01:12:33.440
she would have been like, no, I, I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to engage in

1295
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:40.240
sex with you. So I said, a lot of time, we women have to rise up to the standards and be like,

1296
01:12:40.240 --> 01:12:48.720
because men are more physical, they fall into that sin. I think more, you know, it's, it's,

1297
01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:54.720
it's there, it's a higher temptation for a man than a woman. So if a woman is not going to set

1298
01:12:54.720 --> 01:13:01.840
the standards, the man will go as far as you let him. I don't think, I don't think righteous men

1299
01:13:01.840 --> 01:13:10.240
do that, but I do believe men are more visible. They are, their brains are wired different from

1300
01:13:10.240 --> 01:13:16.000
ours and they are visual creatures, creatures. They are visual individuals. That is true,

1301
01:13:16.000 --> 01:13:23.200
Wanda. But I've seen righteous men date, I'm talking about men who are committed to heaven.

1302
01:13:23.200 --> 01:13:29.600
I've watched the man, I was in his wedding and he refused his words, I would not abuse a daughter

1303
01:13:29.680 --> 01:13:35.360
of God. I will steward her well into the day we say I do. He was in this program. His name was Ralph

1304
01:13:35.360 --> 01:13:41.600
and his wife's love story is, and that was an absolutely no-go for Ralph. Ralph was a righteous

1305
01:13:41.600 --> 01:13:46.960
man, not because she wanted, not because to respect her, but for who he was and what he had

1306
01:13:46.960 --> 01:13:51.200
in Christ. So I believe that there are righteous men who hold fast to their convictions. I talked

1307
01:13:51.200 --> 01:13:57.920
to another sister the other day, we were working on some church planning in Costa Rica. And she

1308
01:13:57.920 --> 01:14:03.040
said that when she met her husband, he told her, would you be okay if we didn't kiss until we got

1309
01:14:03.040 --> 01:14:08.720
married? He said, because I don't want to take any chances. And she said, before she met him,

1310
01:14:08.720 --> 01:14:13.200
she had never been in a relationship where she didn't have sex, even though she was a believer.

1311
01:14:13.200 --> 01:14:19.040
And she told him, yes, that she would be so happy to do that. God restored her identity,

1312
01:14:19.040 --> 01:14:25.200
restored her value and her worth through that relationship. So I do believe that righteousness

1313
01:14:25.200 --> 01:14:30.720
works, whether it be in a man or a woman, but I'm not discounting what you're saying,

1314
01:14:30.720 --> 01:14:35.600
but I don't believe that it's any one person's responsibility to hold up the weight for somebody

1315
01:14:35.600 --> 01:14:41.760
else because the weight is heavy, no matter who's carrying it, right? The same decisions you have,

1316
01:14:41.760 --> 01:14:47.120
but men are more visual and they are more tempted to fall. I'm not discounting that,

1317
01:14:47.120 --> 01:14:54.560
but righteousness will help you. The blood works. But so there are those men. So I just want y'all

1318
01:14:54.560 --> 01:14:59.760
to hear that with your ears. They're there. They're there. Praise the Lord for these men.

1319
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.660
But if they show up at your door and ain't them,

1320
01:15:02.660 --> 01:15:04.300
we know how to tell them what Wanda said.

1321
01:15:04.300 --> 01:15:06.420
Don't even get this twisted.

1322
01:15:06.420 --> 01:15:09.120
I ain't living with you.

1323
01:15:09.120 --> 01:15:13.380
I'm a righteous woman, not just in word,

1324
01:15:13.380 --> 01:15:14.600
but in scripture.

1325
01:15:14.600 --> 01:15:16.700
Indeed, that's right.

1326
01:15:16.700 --> 01:15:17.540
Man, thank you.

1327
01:15:17.540 --> 01:15:18.780
All right.

1328
01:15:18.780 --> 01:15:20.780
You're welcome, that was really good.

1329
01:15:20.780 --> 01:15:23.340
Okay, so we got Joanne.

1330
01:15:24.500 --> 01:15:25.700
Hey, Joanne.

1331
01:15:26.700 --> 01:15:27.540
Hi.

1332
01:15:28.540 --> 01:15:31.580
Can I just, can I start talking from your post,

1333
01:15:31.580 --> 01:15:32.420
from what I was trying to say?

1334
01:15:32.420 --> 01:15:34.700
Yes, you can, yes.

1335
01:15:34.700 --> 01:15:36.880
And so I agree that,

1336
01:15:38.060 --> 01:15:40.220
and I know the backstory is kind of long-legged,

1337
01:15:40.220 --> 01:15:43.620
so you can go check out the post on the community wall.

1338
01:15:43.620 --> 01:15:47.140
I do believe with a lot of back and forth going on here,

1339
01:15:47.140 --> 01:15:51.840
that it's time to just release that, right?

1340
01:15:51.840 --> 01:15:52.680
Release it.

1341
01:15:52.680 --> 01:15:54.980
Oh yeah, this morning,

1342
01:15:55.020 --> 01:15:55.980
well, I was waiting

1343
01:15:55.980 --> 01:15:59.140
because I didn't want to just do something brash.

1344
01:15:59.140 --> 01:16:00.900
I wanted to wait on it.

1345
01:16:00.900 --> 01:16:03.740
I was already thinking, this is not working,

1346
01:16:03.740 --> 01:16:06.140
because if he's not, he doesn't want to do Launda

1347
01:16:06.140 --> 01:16:08.020
since he has all these questions,

1348
01:16:08.020 --> 01:16:09.900
I need to let him go, right?

1349
01:16:09.900 --> 01:16:12.940
I think I was playing too much Junior Holy Spirit.

1350
01:16:12.940 --> 01:16:16.340
And so, and then this morning,

1351
01:16:16.340 --> 01:16:17.980
and we were gonna talk yesterday,

1352
01:16:17.980 --> 01:16:22.980
but I said, I need some time to just, yeah.

1353
01:16:23.120 --> 01:16:23.960
I didn't say much.

1354
01:16:23.960 --> 01:16:26.280
I said, let's just, I'll reconnect when I'm,

1355
01:16:27.240 --> 01:16:28.960
I have a lot going on, let's reconnect.

1356
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:31.840
But this morning, he sent me a voice message

1357
01:16:31.840 --> 01:16:34.200
saying he just doesn't think he can do Launda,

1358
01:16:34.200 --> 01:16:38.240
which I already knew this is gonna happen.

1359
01:16:38.240 --> 01:16:40.280
I already was prepared.

1360
01:16:40.280 --> 01:16:44.120
Of course, it doesn't feel good, but yeah.

1361
01:16:44.120 --> 01:16:47.040
So it's pretty much done.

1362
01:16:47.040 --> 01:16:48.080
It's pretty much over.

1363
01:16:48.080 --> 01:16:51.440
It's just with the, I didn't even respond,

1364
01:16:51.440 --> 01:16:52.760
because I didn't even know what to respond.

1365
01:16:52.760 --> 01:16:55.680
I didn't want to respond out of frustration,

1366
01:16:55.680 --> 01:16:57.040
hurt, offense, anger.

1367
01:16:57.040 --> 01:16:59.320
So I just kind of just didn't even say anything.

1368
01:16:59.320 --> 01:17:01.480
And I'm, I may not have to say anything.

1369
01:17:01.480 --> 01:17:02.800
I might just say, God bless you.

1370
01:17:02.800 --> 01:17:03.920
I don't even know.

1371
01:17:03.920 --> 01:17:06.840
But like, I just, yeah,

1372
01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:09.480
it's still flushing out of my system.

1373
01:17:09.480 --> 01:17:11.080
Yeah.

1374
01:17:11.080 --> 01:17:13.080
Yeah, did you have something to say?

1375
01:17:13.080 --> 01:17:16.440
Yeah, I, it sounds like he may be

1376
01:17:16.440 --> 01:17:18.840
a little anxiously attached.

1377
01:17:18.840 --> 01:17:20.000
Oh, you think he's anxious?

1378
01:17:20.000 --> 01:17:22.160
I feel like he's avoidant.

1379
01:17:22.160 --> 01:17:24.320
Yeah, but you guys,

1380
01:17:24.320 --> 01:17:26.400
it's like this constant need of reassurance.

1381
01:17:26.400 --> 01:17:27.240
Let me go pray.

1382
01:17:27.240 --> 01:17:28.080
Let me go pray.

1383
01:17:28.080 --> 01:17:28.920
Let me go pray.

1384
01:17:28.920 --> 01:17:29.760
Let me go pray.

1385
01:17:29.760 --> 01:17:30.600
Let me go pray.

1386
01:17:30.600 --> 01:17:31.440
Let me go pray.

1387
01:17:31.440 --> 01:17:32.280
Let me go pray.

1388
01:17:32.280 --> 01:17:33.120
Let me go pray.

1389
01:17:33.120 --> 01:17:33.960
Let me go pray.

1390
01:17:33.960 --> 01:17:34.800
Now you be praying every day.

1391
01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:35.640
Ain't nothing wrong with praying,

1392
01:17:35.640 --> 01:17:38.320
but it's you praying about anything else around it.

1393
01:17:38.320 --> 01:17:42.200
And so there's always this insecurity.

1394
01:17:42.200 --> 01:17:45.880
And so I, he knew from the beginning,

1395
01:17:45.880 --> 01:17:48.080
but this is,

1396
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:51.920
pacing is everything.

1397
01:17:52.680 --> 01:17:55.040
Pacing gives each person an opportunity

1398
01:17:55.040 --> 01:17:58.240
to work things out without this pulling tug

1399
01:17:58.240 --> 01:17:59.360
and pushing plug.

1400
01:17:59.360 --> 01:18:00.400
Let's just say, Joanne,

1401
01:18:00.400 --> 01:18:02.680
you were way more invested than you were.

1402
01:18:02.680 --> 01:18:04.960
This would be devastating for you right now.

1403
01:18:06.160 --> 01:18:07.000
Like.

1404
01:18:07.000 --> 01:18:09.640
I was, before I was asked, is this secure?

1405
01:18:09.640 --> 01:18:11.080
I would, I was devastated.

1406
01:18:11.080 --> 01:18:14.240
I would have been very just devastated, but I'm not.

1407
01:18:14.240 --> 01:18:15.680
Because this was too much pulling,

1408
01:18:15.680 --> 01:18:17.920
too much pulling, pressing pull, pressing pull,

1409
01:18:17.920 --> 01:18:19.320
pressing pull, pressing pull,

1410
01:18:19.320 --> 01:18:20.800
this back and forth, back and forth.

1411
01:18:20.800 --> 01:18:23.640
And a lot of times when we pace,

1412
01:18:23.640 --> 01:18:26.120
it gives time for that to work itself out

1413
01:18:26.120 --> 01:18:28.480
because there's no pressure there.

1414
01:18:28.480 --> 01:18:31.000
I think that him offering,

1415
01:18:31.000 --> 01:18:34.280
coming into a lot of futuristic conversations,

1416
01:18:34.280 --> 01:18:36.440
rushing, trying to see if this is going to work.

1417
01:18:36.440 --> 01:18:37.760
So everything's like, well, let's get,

1418
01:18:37.760 --> 01:18:38.720
let's talk about this.

1419
01:18:38.720 --> 01:18:39.560
Let this, let this,

1420
01:18:39.560 --> 01:18:40.840
let me come see if it's going to work.

1421
01:18:40.840 --> 01:18:41.960
Let me come see because everything,

1422
01:18:41.960 --> 01:18:42.800
if it's going to work,

1423
01:18:42.800 --> 01:18:43.640
if it's going to work,

1424
01:18:43.640 --> 01:18:44.480
if it's going to work.

1425
01:18:44.480 --> 01:18:48.160
Those, those, that word within itself,

1426
01:18:48.160 --> 01:18:50.720
start making people feel like they have to perform.

1427
01:18:51.920 --> 01:18:55.720
It's just something happens on the inside of you

1428
01:18:55.720 --> 01:18:58.000
and that need to perform,

1429
01:18:58.000 --> 01:19:00.000
which you may not be thinking it in your mind,

1430
01:19:00.000 --> 01:19:02.080
overwhelms the person.

1431
01:19:02.080 --> 01:19:04.920
And now they got to retreat just to find themselves

1432
01:19:04.920 --> 01:19:08.840
because they don't want 500 miles up the road

1433
01:19:08.840 --> 01:19:09.680
when you don't even have,

1434
01:19:09.680 --> 01:19:10.720
you know, I say this all the time.

1435
01:19:10.720 --> 01:19:12.440
You don't have grace for next week.

1436
01:19:12.440 --> 01:19:14.680
You got grace for today.

1437
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:17.040
And so when you don't pace getting to know someone,

1438
01:19:17.040 --> 01:19:18.640
people don't have time to process

1439
01:19:18.640 --> 01:19:20.720
what's actually happening on the inside of them.

1440
01:19:20.720 --> 01:19:23.480
And so I'm glad that you're doing well.

1441
01:19:23.480 --> 01:19:27.960
And I'm glad that you see you released

1442
01:19:27.960 --> 01:19:30.520
and that you understand it and you're okay with it.

1443
01:19:32.000 --> 01:19:33.360
Because if you continue,

1444
01:19:33.360 --> 01:19:36.400
I believe it will be more of this push and pull

1445
01:19:36.400 --> 01:19:37.920
and that's just not healthy.

1446
01:19:39.600 --> 01:19:40.480
Yeah.

1447
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:43.200
I mean, I have some great community.

1448
01:19:43.200 --> 01:19:44.400
I think I was,

1449
01:19:44.400 --> 01:19:45.840
and then the Lord was,

1450
01:19:45.840 --> 01:19:47.000
I'm very discerning,

1451
01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:48.720
but I still have like my wounds, right?

1452
01:19:48.720 --> 01:19:51.920
That I'm needing to heal more and more.

1453
01:19:51.920 --> 01:19:55.760
But like, I think it's because the Lord already prepared me.

1454
01:19:55.760 --> 01:19:58.200
I can sense before he even came.

1455
01:19:58.200 --> 01:19:59.360
The thing is, it's so weird.

1456
01:19:59.360 --> 01:20:00.200
He even.

1457
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.080
told me he's praying, he's praying, but he was still exhausted.

1458
01:20:03.080 --> 01:20:05.960
He had, I don't know, I just felt like he kept stalling.

1459
01:20:06.160 --> 01:20:08.840
And then he said he didn't even hear anything from God.

1460
01:20:09.040 --> 01:20:11.120
Like he didn't get anything from God.

1461
01:20:11.120 --> 01:20:12.400
He's asking his guidance.

1462
01:20:12.400 --> 01:20:14.080
He didn't really get anything from that.

1463
01:20:14.280 --> 01:20:15.760
He's just whatever.

1464
01:20:15.960 --> 01:20:17.520
So

1465
01:20:17.920 --> 01:20:21.480
it's you know, I mean, it's it's sad on different levels.

1466
01:20:21.680 --> 01:20:24.480
Like I think I've gone over beating myself up.

1467
01:20:24.480 --> 01:20:25.640
I'm like, I can't do this.

1468
01:20:25.840 --> 01:20:28.160
I've done I did the best I could.

1469
01:20:28.160 --> 01:20:30.320
I didn't follow all the things.

1470
01:20:30.320 --> 01:20:32.200
So I learned I'm going to do better.

1471
01:20:32.400 --> 01:20:36.920
I think in the future, my takeaway is if a guy is talking about marriage so early,

1472
01:20:36.920 --> 01:20:38.520
we're not even in a relationship.

1473
01:20:38.520 --> 01:20:41.320
I'm going to say, no, let's not talk about marriage.

1474
01:20:41.320 --> 01:20:42.760
I just want to get to know you.

1475
01:20:42.760 --> 01:20:44.080
I just want to get to know you.

1476
01:20:44.080 --> 01:20:44.760
I'm going to do that.

1477
01:20:44.960 --> 01:20:50.160
I'm going to be way more strict because like I'll just say thank you so much

1478
01:20:50.160 --> 01:20:51.200
for sharing your intention.

1479
01:20:51.400 --> 01:20:54.360
I'm glad you're so intentional, but I really need to just get down.

1480
01:20:54.560 --> 01:20:56.200
Let's not talk about that yet.

1481
01:20:56.360 --> 01:20:58.880
And I'm I'm really learning to rein in my

1482
01:20:59.080 --> 01:21:04.040
emotions more because I mean, I I realize I'm very gifted.

1483
01:21:04.240 --> 01:21:07.160
But when I get my soul involved, it's scary for a man.

1484
01:21:07.160 --> 01:21:10.960
Like if they're not even committed, they're like, whoa, she seems so sweet

1485
01:21:11.160 --> 01:21:17.280
and kind and all of a sudden she's sort of like intense and kind of demanding.

1486
01:21:17.280 --> 01:21:18.480
I can come off that way.

1487
01:21:18.680 --> 01:21:22.560
But I also notice it's because I'm triggered because I'm

1488
01:21:22.720 --> 01:21:26.920
he would talk about like, oh, it's just easier to find someone local.

1489
01:21:27.120 --> 01:21:28.880
And when we were having romantic dinner

1490
01:21:29.080 --> 01:21:33.640
talking about long distance and then he told me I switched.

1491
01:21:33.840 --> 01:21:36.800
I became like this business demanding woman.

1492
01:21:37.000 --> 01:21:39.080
And I realize it's that what he said.

1493
01:21:39.280 --> 01:21:42.160
And it's interesting because that's what he concluded.

1494
01:21:42.160 --> 01:21:44.040
Now he doesn't want to do long distance.

1495
01:21:44.040 --> 01:21:45.320
He doesn't want to do the work.

1496
01:21:45.520 --> 01:21:47.280
He doesn't want iron sharpened iron.

1497
01:21:47.480 --> 01:21:49.320
He wants a peaceful, chill life.

1498
01:21:49.520 --> 01:21:51.560
He's he's questioning everything now.

1499
01:21:51.560 --> 01:21:53.480
Does he even want? It's weird.

1500
01:21:53.680 --> 01:22:01.960
So anyways, regardless, I feel like God is I need to rein in my emotions a bit more.

1501
01:22:02.160 --> 01:22:06.920
Yeah, slow down even my emotions before I say anything.

1502
01:22:07.120 --> 01:22:08.720
And

1503
01:22:08.920 --> 01:22:11.000
just in general, just in general.

1504
01:22:11.200 --> 01:22:13.200
Yeah, good for me. Yeah.

1505
01:22:13.400 --> 01:22:14.600
Yeah, that's a good plan.

1506
01:22:14.800 --> 01:22:18.320
And also, you know, when we bypass wisdom

1507
01:22:18.520 --> 01:22:21.960
and we tell the Lord, answer something for me,

1508
01:22:22.160 --> 01:22:26.320
you usually come up without hearing anything because wisdom is the thing

1509
01:22:26.520 --> 01:22:29.480
that grounds us, even when you have a prophetic word.

1510
01:22:29.680 --> 01:22:31.640
It has to be partnered with wisdom.

1511
01:22:31.840 --> 01:22:35.840
Now, the Bible says no man builds a house unless he counts up the cost first.

1512
01:22:36.040 --> 01:22:38.080
There are things that we try to bypass.

1513
01:22:38.280 --> 01:22:39.240
I just want to hear God.

1514
01:22:39.440 --> 01:22:41.840
He's like, here's wisdom.

1515
01:22:42.040 --> 01:22:43.640
Right. And that's not you.

1516
01:22:43.640 --> 01:22:44.440
That's what he did.

1517
01:22:44.440 --> 01:22:46.840
He want to keep hearing what we're bypassing wisdom.

1518
01:22:46.840 --> 01:22:48.000
And that's for everyone.

1519
01:22:48.200 --> 01:22:50.720
Don't bypass wisdom in one word.

1520
01:22:50.920 --> 01:22:52.360
You know,

1521
01:22:52.560 --> 01:22:56.680
you know, Jesus said count up the cost before you follow me.

1522
01:22:56.880 --> 01:22:58.560
Count it up.

1523
01:22:58.760 --> 01:23:00.480
What is it going to cost you?

1524
01:23:00.680 --> 01:23:02.840
And so we take time to count up the cost.

1525
01:23:03.040 --> 01:23:04.280
But yeah, Joey, I agree with you.

1526
01:23:04.480 --> 01:23:09.360
I like your new plan and I'm excited for you.

1527
01:23:09.560 --> 01:23:12.160
Do you think I should say anything to him?

1528
01:23:12.360 --> 01:23:13.920
You can say something if you want to.

1529
01:23:14.120 --> 01:23:15.600
You don't have to say anything.

1530
01:23:15.760 --> 01:23:20.400
I mean, I just don't want to say anything junior spirit like, well,

1531
01:23:20.600 --> 01:23:26.720
that, you know, kind of like, hmm, just like, hmm, I don't know.

1532
01:23:26.920 --> 01:23:31.080
I don't know. I just feel frustrated that I'm like, dude, you shouldn't have.

1533
01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:34.360
It's fine that it didn't work.

1534
01:23:34.560 --> 01:23:37.920
But like, don't be saying these things anymore to people.

1535
01:23:37.920 --> 01:23:39.200
Like, don't be saying that.

1536
01:23:39.200 --> 01:23:41.120
Don't. No, you don't need no teacher.

1537
01:23:41.320 --> 01:23:44.000
OK, don't make sure I'm just out.

1538
01:23:44.320 --> 01:23:47.760
It bothers me because it's how it's happened to me several times.

1539
01:23:47.960 --> 01:23:50.920
I got coached by Jackie and I'm like, oh, my gosh, here we go.

1540
01:23:51.120 --> 01:23:53.840
And it wasn't so serious right this time.

1541
01:23:54.040 --> 01:23:56.080
It wasn't that it wasn't as good.

1542
01:23:56.280 --> 01:23:59.240
But Joanne, Joanne, who's the common denominator?

1543
01:23:59.440 --> 01:24:01.160
Who's the common denominator here?

1544
01:24:01.360 --> 01:24:02.360
I know.

1545
01:24:02.560 --> 01:24:06.200
So I think that's why I need to say, no, we're not talking about marriage.

1546
01:24:06.400 --> 01:24:10.000
And I need to listen to the Lord when he told me you need to slow down,

1547
01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:11.800
get to know him, don't rush, don't push.

1548
01:24:12.000 --> 01:24:14.520
It doesn't matter what speed this guy's going in.

1549
01:24:14.720 --> 01:24:16.800
He's telling me I need to do this.

1550
01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:21.000
So I I need to do that, you know, no matter how you do, Joanne,

1551
01:24:21.200 --> 01:24:26.360
because the Lord didn't just tell you that Ebony told you that Jackie has told you

1552
01:24:26.560 --> 01:24:30.240
that Ebony always tells you that, but you don't listen to the Lord or to us.

1553
01:24:30.440 --> 01:24:31.920
You determine to do it your way.

1554
01:24:32.120 --> 01:24:34.680
So I hope this time.

1555
01:24:34.880 --> 01:24:40.800
You are taking heed and actually telling yourself, no.

1556
01:24:41.000 --> 01:24:45.040
Spiritual does not override wisdom.

1557
01:24:45.840 --> 01:24:49.520
That does not have it works, that's not scripture.

1558
01:24:49.720 --> 01:24:55.560
You can't take something spiritual and override institutions, override processes

1559
01:24:55.760 --> 01:25:00.040
that are necessary in life and say some Holy Spirit, what Holy Spirit?

1560
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.500
Spirit doesn't follow order.

1561
01:25:02.840 --> 01:25:03.680
What do you think?

1562
01:25:03.680 --> 01:25:05.480
This is scripture, you read Proverbs.

1563
01:25:05.480 --> 01:25:06.920
It talks about wisdom.

1564
01:25:06.920 --> 01:25:09.620
In her right hand are treasures evermore.

1565
01:25:09.620 --> 01:25:11.840
Wisdom say, I call out for you.

1566
01:25:11.840 --> 01:25:13.440
There's foolishness calling out to you

1567
01:25:13.440 --> 01:25:15.340
and there's wisdom calling out to you.

1568
01:25:17.140 --> 01:25:19.280
And so how, you know,

1569
01:25:19.280 --> 01:25:22.300
we have to be real mindful about this spiritual stuff

1570
01:25:22.300 --> 01:25:24.880
and there's no wisdom in operation.

1571
01:25:24.880 --> 01:25:25.720
Okay.

1572
01:25:25.720 --> 01:25:26.560
You have to operate in wisdom.

1573
01:25:26.560 --> 01:25:29.320
But do you think because I didn't operate in full wisdom,

1574
01:25:29.880 --> 01:25:31.480
that's why it all didn't work out?

1575
01:25:31.480 --> 01:25:33.720
You think that if we did operate in wisdom,

1576
01:25:33.720 --> 01:25:35.000
then maybe it would work out?

1577
01:25:35.000 --> 01:25:37.240
Because sometimes I think so conditionally and then I-

1578
01:25:37.240 --> 01:25:39.040
I don't know nothing about this workout.

1579
01:25:39.040 --> 01:25:41.000
I don't know what it would work out,

1580
01:25:41.000 --> 01:25:42.840
but I know that you would have time

1581
01:25:42.840 --> 01:25:45.080
to not be in all this confusion.

1582
01:25:45.080 --> 01:25:47.000
I don't know about would it have worked out

1583
01:25:47.000 --> 01:25:48.200
or would it have not worked out.

1584
01:25:48.200 --> 01:25:49.520
It doesn't even matter.

1585
01:25:49.520 --> 01:25:51.960
There's not wisdom to process what something would have done.

1586
01:25:51.960 --> 01:25:54.560
You don't even have grace for what something could have done.

1587
01:25:54.560 --> 01:25:56.800
You don't have the ability to see further

1588
01:25:56.800 --> 01:25:57.880
than you are today.

1589
01:25:57.880 --> 01:25:58.900
You are human.

1590
01:26:00.200 --> 01:26:02.960
Only the father has that ability, Joanne.

1591
01:26:02.960 --> 01:26:04.920
And so what you can do is you can send

1592
01:26:04.920 --> 01:26:06.040
your last text message.

1593
01:26:06.040 --> 01:26:07.680
Thank him for being honest.

1594
01:26:07.680 --> 01:26:08.960
You really appreciate it.

1595
01:26:08.960 --> 01:26:10.760
You agree with the decision

1596
01:26:10.760 --> 01:26:13.460
and you hope that he has the best life possible.

1597
01:26:16.320 --> 01:26:17.160
That's it.

1598
01:26:18.240 --> 01:26:22.400
Because people only who they are by what we allow.

1599
01:26:22.400 --> 01:26:26.920
A person can't take you fast if you hold to a certain pace.

1600
01:26:26.960 --> 01:26:29.640
Like you said, what your next plan is.

1601
01:26:29.640 --> 01:26:31.080
All right?

1602
01:26:31.080 --> 01:26:32.880
Okay, can I say one more thing?

1603
01:26:35.080 --> 01:26:37.440
Well, you know my journey.

1604
01:26:37.440 --> 01:26:39.420
I've declined so many men

1605
01:26:39.420 --> 01:26:41.520
because I'm practicing my discernment.

1606
01:26:41.520 --> 01:26:44.400
I don't want to lose when I feel like it's not from God.

1607
01:26:44.400 --> 01:26:45.960
Right? It's not aligning.

1608
01:26:45.960 --> 01:26:48.560
I think of why it's been so hard this time

1609
01:26:48.560 --> 01:26:51.880
is because I actually felt so much word line

1610
01:26:51.880 --> 01:26:53.440
and I felt a lot of peace.

1611
01:26:53.440 --> 01:26:55.680
And I actually thought, well, in the beginning,

1612
01:26:55.680 --> 01:26:57.280
I mean, not when all the push and pull,

1613
01:26:57.280 --> 01:27:02.280
but I really felt there was a high chance this could be it.

1614
01:27:02.360 --> 01:27:05.840
And I think that's hard for me because I'm like, okay,

1615
01:27:05.840 --> 01:27:10.840
well, yeah, it's just hard to process

1616
01:27:11.280 --> 01:27:14.800
as a prophetic, discerning, sensitive person.

1617
01:27:14.800 --> 01:27:18.380
Like I was doing, I was more like going for it

1618
01:27:18.380 --> 01:27:21.120
because I felt it was from God.

1619
01:27:21.120 --> 01:27:22.520
Right.

1620
01:27:22.520 --> 01:27:24.200
So practical lining up, right?

1621
01:27:24.200 --> 01:27:25.040
In a lot of ways.

1622
01:27:25.560 --> 01:27:29.240
I hear you, but prophetic discerning,

1623
01:27:29.240 --> 01:27:32.360
there's something when you put yourself in that space

1624
01:27:32.360 --> 01:27:35.040
and you say, I really believe because I'm prophetic.

1625
01:27:35.040 --> 01:27:36.820
I really believe because I can discern.

1626
01:27:36.820 --> 01:27:38.900
I really believe because I hear from the Holy Spirit

1627
01:27:38.900 --> 01:27:40.000
that this was going to work.

1628
01:27:40.000 --> 01:27:43.320
So it was riding on my discernment ability,

1629
01:27:43.320 --> 01:27:44.720
on my prophetic ability.

1630
01:27:44.720 --> 01:27:47.340
And I know that I'm sharp in the spirit,

1631
01:27:47.340 --> 01:27:49.100
but you are failing to understand

1632
01:27:49.100 --> 01:27:51.260
that marriage is an institution.

1633
01:27:52.100 --> 01:27:57.100
It's an institution, meaning it has to operate in an order

1634
01:27:57.460 --> 01:28:01.180
and your prophetic ability does not override

1635
01:28:01.180 --> 01:28:03.060
the institution of marriage.

1636
01:28:05.940 --> 01:28:08.780
Eve ate that apple, gave it to Adam

1637
01:28:08.780 --> 01:28:10.740
and they got kicked out of the garden.

1638
01:28:12.860 --> 01:28:15.540
I don't care how much he heard from the Lord,

1639
01:28:15.540 --> 01:28:18.100
how much he walked with him in the cool of the day,

1640
01:28:18.100 --> 01:28:20.980
that's an institution, it's principles.

1641
01:28:21.660 --> 01:28:24.420
Institutions are governed by principles.

1642
01:28:24.420 --> 01:28:26.020
This is the order of marriage.

1643
01:28:26.020 --> 01:28:28.500
This is what God put in place.

1644
01:28:28.500 --> 01:28:31.260
So you're not gonna marry nobody in the spirit,

1645
01:28:31.260 --> 01:28:33.220
you're gonna marry them in the natural.

1646
01:28:34.660 --> 01:28:39.420
So it's like you're putting too much weight on spiritual

1647
01:28:39.420 --> 01:28:42.480
when you need to be putting weight on wisdom,

1648
01:28:42.480 --> 01:28:44.260
partner with spiritual.

1649
01:28:45.380 --> 01:28:46.360
And so,

1650
01:28:47.200 --> 01:28:48.040
ugh.

1651
01:28:50.920 --> 01:28:53.840
Principle tells you to pace.

1652
01:28:53.840 --> 01:28:56.220
You can't go by what you sense in the spirit

1653
01:28:56.220 --> 01:28:59.000
to override pacing, you're already in deception.

1654
01:29:00.180 --> 01:29:01.320
You've already crossed the line

1655
01:29:01.320 --> 01:29:03.860
because you came from under boundaries.

1656
01:29:03.860 --> 01:29:05.920
You have to submit to an order,

1657
01:29:05.920 --> 01:29:07.320
put yourself under their order

1658
01:29:07.320 --> 01:29:09.020
and their order will work for you.

1659
01:29:10.440 --> 01:29:12.380
Because the Lord is gonna speak,

1660
01:29:12.380 --> 01:29:14.120
but when things are moving fast,

1661
01:29:14.120 --> 01:29:15.940
I don't care how spiritual you are,

1662
01:29:16.460 --> 01:29:17.540
you can't keep up with it.

1663
01:29:17.540 --> 01:29:18.500
We're not talking about your spirit,

1664
01:29:18.500 --> 01:29:20.000
we're talking about your soul.

1665
01:29:21.900 --> 01:29:26.140
The soul shows up, the brokenness of the soul shows up,

1666
01:29:26.140 --> 01:29:28.300
the missing pieces of the soul shows up,

1667
01:29:28.300 --> 01:29:30.260
the part of the soul that wants to be loved,

1668
01:29:30.260 --> 01:29:32.220
that wants to be married, that wants to be cared for,

1669
01:29:32.220 --> 01:29:34.060
the one that wants to hope that this could work,

1670
01:29:34.060 --> 01:29:35.160
that's the soul.

1671
01:29:37.100 --> 01:29:42.100
And so, it is highly important

1672
01:29:42.940 --> 01:29:45.780
that you put yourself under order and you stick with it.

1673
01:29:49.780 --> 01:29:54.220
So basically put, don't allow these emotions and soul

1674
01:29:54.220 --> 01:29:57.580
or like spiritual revelation to trump

1675
01:29:57.580 --> 01:30:00.820
like the order and wisdom that you're talking about.

1676
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.400
talking about, like the practicalities.

1677
01:30:02.400 --> 01:30:04.000
That the scripture talks about.

1678
01:30:05.440 --> 01:30:07.240
That came from the same God that you said

1679
01:30:07.240 --> 01:30:08.600
spoke to you in the spirit.

1680
01:30:10.680 --> 01:30:13.200
I see it's just like you're making a separation.

1681
01:30:13.200 --> 01:30:15.600
The book of Proverbs is all about wisdom.

1682
01:30:19.180 --> 01:30:22.160
It says with wisdom, a person builds a house.

1683
01:30:24.440 --> 01:30:26.620
And a matter of fact, it says if they build a house

1684
01:30:26.620 --> 01:30:28.920
with that wisdom, it will fall to the ground.

1685
01:30:30.000 --> 01:30:32.720
So you cannot build a house with that wisdom.

1686
01:30:32.720 --> 01:30:33.960
Let me find that scripture for you

1687
01:30:33.960 --> 01:30:35.240
because I don't want you to think

1688
01:30:35.240 --> 01:30:36.980
that this is just something.

1689
01:30:38.880 --> 01:30:42.880
It says if a builder builds a house without the Lord,

1690
01:30:42.880 --> 01:30:44.360
then they build in vain.

1691
01:30:48.960 --> 01:30:50.480
Yeah, it's just, yeah.

1692
01:30:50.480 --> 01:30:52.680
I think sometimes the practicals

1693
01:30:52.680 --> 01:30:55.400
and then I just need to like do it,

1694
01:30:55.400 --> 01:30:56.680
what you guys were telling me.

1695
01:30:56.680 --> 01:30:59.160
Because sometimes I'm not very organized.

1696
01:30:59.360 --> 01:31:02.040
I'm not a very structured person.

1697
01:31:02.040 --> 01:31:05.760
So it's Psalms 127, one through two,

1698
01:31:05.760 --> 01:31:07.840
says unless the Lord builds a house,

1699
01:31:07.840 --> 01:31:11.040
then those that build, they build, they labor in vain.

1700
01:31:11.040 --> 01:31:12.320
And then the book of Proverbs,

1701
01:31:12.320 --> 01:31:14.280
and I did a teaching on this once here,

1702
01:31:14.280 --> 01:31:17.160
talks about how wisdom is the foundation

1703
01:31:17.160 --> 01:31:19.440
of a house that you build.

1704
01:31:19.440 --> 01:31:22.640
You know that the Bible says that a woman with her hands

1705
01:31:22.640 --> 01:31:24.640
can tear down her house.

1706
01:31:24.640 --> 01:31:26.440
It could have been the house that the Lord gave her,

1707
01:31:26.440 --> 01:31:28.540
but she could tear it down with her hands.

1708
01:31:30.160 --> 01:31:32.440
That's what Proverbs says.

1709
01:31:32.440 --> 01:31:35.320
And so I don't wanna hammer on this too long,

1710
01:31:35.320 --> 01:31:40.320
but don't give weight to spiritual things without wisdom

1711
01:31:41.620 --> 01:31:44.240
and being willing to say that your spiritual things

1712
01:31:44.240 --> 01:31:45.360
don't come under order.

1713
01:31:45.360 --> 01:31:47.380
Everything about God is order.

1714
01:31:48.440 --> 01:31:50.800
Everything about God is order.

1715
01:31:50.800 --> 01:31:52.640
He is not a God that's out of order.

1716
01:31:52.640 --> 01:31:54.400
This idea that you're gonna meet somebody

1717
01:31:54.400 --> 01:31:57.720
and run off in the stars out of a suddenly,

1718
01:31:57.720 --> 01:32:00.840
and it's gonna be absent of God's order is not true.

1719
01:32:00.840 --> 01:32:04.240
Where you're running to and where you got to get to,

1720
01:32:04.240 --> 01:32:06.320
you're an internal being at this point

1721
01:32:06.320 --> 01:32:07.920
if you've accepted Christ.

1722
01:32:07.920 --> 01:32:10.960
You're not running out of time, so where are you going?

1723
01:32:11.840 --> 01:32:14.400
Why can't you sit and enjoy the process?

1724
01:32:14.400 --> 01:32:17.840
When you start feeling that rush, say, where we going?

1725
01:32:17.840 --> 01:32:19.260
Well, where were you going?

1726
01:32:19.260 --> 01:32:24.260
When you hear the spirit say, ha, he's the one, say, great.

1727
01:32:24.600 --> 01:32:26.880
And then you get on the phone and you enjoy the one

1728
01:32:26.880 --> 01:32:29.320
because you know in just a little while

1729
01:32:29.320 --> 01:32:31.360
you won't have this type of time.

1730
01:32:31.360 --> 01:32:32.680
You know in just a little while

1731
01:32:32.680 --> 01:32:35.960
you won't be able to get to know him this way

1732
01:32:35.960 --> 01:32:38.920
because there are gonna be other demands on the other side.

1733
01:32:40.980 --> 01:32:44.160
So I want you to see that even when it's the spirit,

1734
01:32:44.160 --> 01:32:48.720
it doesn't change the pace within you.

1735
01:32:48.720 --> 01:32:51.080
When this nervous system gets on high alert,

1736
01:32:51.080 --> 01:32:53.340
you should start asking yourself questions.

1737
01:32:54.340 --> 01:32:55.180
Right?

1738
01:33:00.300 --> 01:33:03.340
Wisdom and boundaries, order will help you.

1739
01:33:05.740 --> 01:33:09.100
Jesus says, guard your heart with all diligence,

1740
01:33:09.100 --> 01:33:10.800
not the prophetic words you get.

1741
01:33:11.940 --> 01:33:12.780
Yeah.

1742
01:33:13.980 --> 01:33:15.820
And I love prophecy.

1743
01:33:15.820 --> 01:33:17.660
I will prophesy all day long.

1744
01:33:17.660 --> 01:33:21.380
I am an intercessor, I prophesy lots of things,

1745
01:33:21.380 --> 01:33:22.780
but I am telling you.

1746
01:33:23.940 --> 01:33:25.020
They go together.

1747
01:33:25.020 --> 01:33:27.900
Everything about God's kingdom, they go together.

1748
01:33:28.900 --> 01:33:31.700
Okay, I just gotta keep practicing it.

1749
01:33:31.700 --> 01:33:34.500
Keep practicing as best as I can.

1750
01:33:34.500 --> 01:33:36.380
You, it seems like the Lord is making sure

1751
01:33:36.380 --> 01:33:37.460
you get plenty of practice

1752
01:33:37.460 --> 01:33:40.140
because he is intent on driving some of this stuff

1753
01:33:40.140 --> 01:33:40.980
out of you.

1754
01:33:40.980 --> 01:33:43.700
Seriously, you have grown so much.

1755
01:33:43.700 --> 01:33:44.860
Well, I'm glad I've grown

1756
01:33:44.860 --> 01:33:46.180
even though I made a lot of mistakes.

1757
01:33:46.180 --> 01:33:48.940
I do feel I've grown, but I just want to focus on that.

1758
01:33:49.900 --> 01:33:53.780
I don't want to beat myself up, you know what I mean?

1759
01:33:53.780 --> 01:33:55.540
You shouldn't beat yourself up,

1760
01:33:55.540 --> 01:33:58.260
but you are gonna have to put up to the side

1761
01:33:58.260 --> 01:34:01.700
a lot of belief systems that you're unwilling to release.

1762
01:34:01.700 --> 01:34:03.580
And my encouragement would be to.

1763
01:34:03.580 --> 01:34:07.340
The Bible says that God honored his word above his own name.

1764
01:34:07.340 --> 01:34:09.260
It says the grass within the flower faded,

1765
01:34:09.260 --> 01:34:11.900
but the word of God endures forever.

1766
01:34:11.900 --> 01:34:15.020
We're talking about the logos word of God,

1767
01:34:15.020 --> 01:34:17.660
the written word of God.

1768
01:34:17.660 --> 01:34:20.380
The one that you declare so that his kingdom will come

1769
01:34:20.380 --> 01:34:22.060
and his will be done on the earth.

1770
01:34:22.060 --> 01:34:23.780
So you're gonna hear something in spirit

1771
01:34:23.780 --> 01:34:26.140
and bypass the word, they go together.

1772
01:34:27.780 --> 01:34:28.660
They go together.

1773
01:34:28.660 --> 01:34:30.820
They're not, I don't need the spirit, I have the logos.

1774
01:34:30.820 --> 01:34:32.260
You need the logos and the rhema.

1775
01:34:32.260 --> 01:34:33.260
They work together.

1776
01:34:35.900 --> 01:34:38.100
You're closer than you've ever been, Joanne.

1777
01:34:39.420 --> 01:34:40.460
Okay.

1778
01:34:40.460 --> 01:34:41.300
Thank you.

1779
01:34:41.300 --> 01:34:42.620
Ladies, it is 8.35.

1780
01:34:42.620 --> 01:34:44.780
I'm gonna take the last two that has their hand up,

1781
01:34:44.780 --> 01:34:46.180
but we're done at 8.30.

1782
01:34:46.180 --> 01:34:47.500
So if you need to go, please do.

1783
01:34:48.340 --> 01:34:49.860
So I hope that you enjoy it tonight.

1784
01:34:49.860 --> 01:34:52.260
I certainly enjoy each and every one of you all.

1785
01:34:53.300 --> 01:34:54.460
Go ahead, Nadine.

1786
01:34:56.020 --> 01:34:57.460
Hello.

1787
01:34:57.460 --> 01:34:59.460
Tell me everything you still want.

1788
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.320
It's Nadine.

1789
01:35:02.320 --> 01:35:05.400
Yeah, everything's going fabulous.

1790
01:35:05.400 --> 01:35:07.800
But I just, I don't know.

1791
01:35:07.800 --> 01:35:11.440
I want to like, I don't know.

1792
01:35:11.440 --> 01:35:13.720
OK, so I just got in from a date.

1793
01:35:13.720 --> 01:35:17.240
We went to like a cool little park

1794
01:35:17.240 --> 01:35:18.720
and we just had like a picnic.

1795
01:35:18.720 --> 01:35:22.760
I made some like some sandwiches and just all the things.

1796
01:35:22.760 --> 01:35:25.160
So it was really fun.

1797
01:35:25.160 --> 01:35:26.400
OK.

1798
01:35:26.400 --> 01:35:29.240
I know this, you know sometimes when you say something out loud

1799
01:35:29.240 --> 01:35:31.360
and you're like, OK, I'm the person that I'm

1800
01:35:31.360 --> 01:35:33.400
saying something out loud.

1801
01:35:33.400 --> 01:35:35.920
And I know this sounds so ridiculous,

1802
01:35:35.920 --> 01:35:40.080
but I also don't understand why it's not

1803
01:35:40.080 --> 01:35:41.400
getting through my skull.

1804
01:35:41.400 --> 01:35:45.560
OK, I think I've said this like two or three times.

1805
01:35:45.560 --> 01:35:50.520
Like, I kind of want to poke the guy because I'm just like,

1806
01:35:50.520 --> 01:35:52.720
are you real?

1807
01:35:52.720 --> 01:35:57.240
But it's like, we are very similar in a lot of ways.

1808
01:35:57.240 --> 01:36:02.280
And I don't know why, but it is a trigger for me.

1809
01:36:02.280 --> 01:36:07.760
It's like, I'm like, I'm like, is this,

1810
01:36:07.760 --> 01:36:12.720
are we supposed to be talking if we're similar?

1811
01:36:12.720 --> 01:36:15.480
I think I've like, like seeing my parents,

1812
01:36:15.480 --> 01:36:18.240
they have been oil and water like my whole life.

1813
01:36:18.240 --> 01:36:21.920
And what I've always attracted was like the complete opposite

1814
01:36:21.920 --> 01:36:23.360
and it's always been so negative.

1815
01:36:23.360 --> 01:36:26.280
And so it's like, I see that he's compassionate.

1816
01:36:26.280 --> 01:36:27.640
I see that he's loyal.

1817
01:36:27.640 --> 01:36:28.880
I see that he's faithful.

1818
01:36:28.880 --> 01:36:30.560
And I know it's only been a month,

1819
01:36:30.560 --> 01:36:33.400
but I'm seeing these fruits come.

1820
01:36:33.400 --> 01:36:35.640
So it's one of those things where, and like today,

1821
01:36:35.640 --> 01:36:37.560
I'm seeing this grown man on a swing.

1822
01:36:37.560 --> 01:36:43.400
It's just cute and it's geeky, which is what I like.

1823
01:36:43.400 --> 01:36:47.000
But then I'm like, what?

1824
01:36:47.000 --> 01:36:49.920
So I guess I'm just having a hard time processing

1825
01:36:49.920 --> 01:36:52.160
where I'm like, like for instance,

1826
01:36:52.160 --> 01:36:53.560
this is something so simple.

1827
01:36:53.560 --> 01:36:55.880
But like, I am not a morning person.

1828
01:36:55.880 --> 01:36:57.240
I have tried my whole life.

1829
01:36:57.240 --> 01:36:58.760
I have prayed about it.

1830
01:36:58.760 --> 01:37:02.040
You know, I have friends calling me, trying to wake me up.

1831
01:37:02.040 --> 01:37:04.080
And I want to be a morning person,

1832
01:37:04.080 --> 01:37:05.760
but it just doesn't work.

1833
01:37:05.760 --> 01:37:08.440
I'm the person that I get everything done in the day

1834
01:37:08.440 --> 01:37:09.760
that needs to get done.

1835
01:37:09.760 --> 01:37:15.200
But there's order, but it's not in this very succinct way.

1836
01:37:15.200 --> 01:37:16.080
Right?

1837
01:37:16.080 --> 01:37:17.560
And he's the same way.

1838
01:37:17.560 --> 01:37:18.920
And I'm like, how?

1839
01:37:18.920 --> 01:37:22.920
Like, I don't know.

1840
01:37:22.920 --> 01:37:24.040
I'm overthinking this.

1841
01:37:24.040 --> 01:37:26.960
Am I overthinking this?

1842
01:37:26.960 --> 01:37:30.000
I encourage you to enjoy yourself.

1843
01:37:30.000 --> 01:37:31.680
That was the word that I gave you.

1844
01:37:31.680 --> 01:37:34.360
I responded to your post on the wall.

1845
01:37:34.360 --> 01:37:36.440
I hope you get a chance to look at it.

1846
01:37:36.440 --> 01:37:37.680
OK.

1847
01:37:37.680 --> 01:37:39.480
I think that you should just enjoy getting

1848
01:37:39.480 --> 01:37:41.360
to know this young man.

1849
01:37:41.360 --> 01:37:43.520
You want to protect and guard yourself,

1850
01:37:43.520 --> 01:37:48.280
so you're looking for something to help you guard yourself.

1851
01:37:48.280 --> 01:37:51.400
However, this is an opportunity for you to show up as you

1852
01:37:51.400 --> 01:37:53.800
and let him show up as whoever he is.

1853
01:37:54.560 --> 01:37:57.120
Because in due time, we all get to know each other

1854
01:37:57.120 --> 01:37:59.120
just a little bit better.

1855
01:37:59.120 --> 01:38:02.200
And so just focus on being you.

1856
01:38:02.200 --> 01:38:04.960
Focus on enjoying the journey.

1857
01:38:04.960 --> 01:38:07.840
Because one or two things are happening.

1858
01:38:07.840 --> 01:38:10.080
You get to meet a person that looks

1859
01:38:10.080 --> 01:38:11.240
like it's going really good.

1860
01:38:11.240 --> 01:38:14.680
And who's to say that he won't be the forever I do?

1861
01:38:14.680 --> 01:38:16.560
Or you get to meet someone that has

1862
01:38:16.560 --> 01:38:19.680
come to restore the broken places in your life,

1863
01:38:19.680 --> 01:38:22.680
that has come to bring repair to those spaces

1864
01:38:22.680 --> 01:38:25.160
that no one was like you, no one would get you.

1865
01:38:25.160 --> 01:38:26.480
He brought you flowers.

1866
01:38:26.480 --> 01:38:28.200
He brought you pretzels.

1867
01:38:28.200 --> 01:38:30.360
He did these really sweet things.

1868
01:38:30.360 --> 01:38:34.520
And so we know that if he's serving

1869
01:38:34.520 --> 01:38:39.960
some purpose in your life, and he's serving well.

1870
01:38:39.960 --> 01:38:41.400
And so that's what matters.

1871
01:38:41.400 --> 01:38:42.120
He's safe.

1872
01:38:42.120 --> 01:38:43.160
You can go out with him.

1873
01:38:43.160 --> 01:38:44.120
You can laugh with him.

1874
01:38:44.120 --> 01:38:45.600
You could do silly things with him.

1875
01:38:45.600 --> 01:38:47.200
And you get to be you.

1876
01:38:47.200 --> 01:38:49.320
Focus on you being you.

1877
01:38:49.320 --> 01:38:52.160
Now, who he is and what that means.

1878
01:38:52.160 --> 01:38:53.000
What does that mean?

1879
01:38:53.000 --> 01:38:53.920
It don't mean nothing.

1880
01:38:53.920 --> 01:38:55.840
That means that's who he is.

1881
01:38:55.840 --> 01:38:57.480
OK.

1882
01:38:57.480 --> 01:38:59.000
Work hard on doing that.

1883
01:38:59.000 --> 01:39:01.200
Every time you go somewhere, say, no, I

1884
01:39:01.200 --> 01:39:03.040
get to show up as me this time.

1885
01:39:03.040 --> 01:39:05.000
The Lord does the heavy lifting.

1886
01:39:05.000 --> 01:39:06.560
Not you, Nadine.

1887
01:39:06.560 --> 01:39:07.080
OK.

1888
01:39:07.080 --> 01:39:08.800
This is a good season for you.

1889
01:39:08.800 --> 01:39:10.960
Don't let the enemy rob you of your joy.

1890
01:39:10.960 --> 01:39:14.640
Because trust me and believe, he was able to do it before now.

1891
01:39:14.640 --> 01:39:16.120
But the seasons have changed.

1892
01:39:16.120 --> 01:39:18.000
And the only way he can rob you of joy

1893
01:39:18.000 --> 01:39:20.600
now is if you hand it to him on a platter.

1894
01:39:20.600 --> 01:39:23.760
Refuse to sit at his table and dine with him.

1895
01:39:23.760 --> 01:39:25.960
He comes to kill, to steal, and destroy.

1896
01:39:25.960 --> 01:39:29.040
But Christ has come to give you life and life more abundantly.

1897
01:39:29.040 --> 01:39:32.000
Please enjoy your abundant life.

1898
01:39:32.000 --> 01:39:32.800
Thank you.

1899
01:39:32.800 --> 01:39:33.880
I appreciate that.

1900
01:39:33.880 --> 01:39:36.480
I guess I'm just, it's weird.

1901
01:39:36.480 --> 01:39:38.440
It's like I can be myself.

1902
01:39:38.440 --> 01:39:40.040
And I can be goofy.

1903
01:39:40.040 --> 01:39:41.360
But I can be serious.

1904
01:39:41.360 --> 01:39:43.200
It's like you see the different sides of me.

1905
01:39:43.200 --> 01:39:45.520
And it's like, seize.

1906
01:39:45.520 --> 01:39:46.800
And it's, I don't know.

1907
01:39:46.800 --> 01:39:50.440
It's refreshing to know I can be myself around a man.

1908
01:39:50.440 --> 01:39:52.520
I think it's just weird.

1909
01:39:52.520 --> 01:39:54.200
Because I'm not used to it.

1910
01:39:54.200 --> 01:39:55.880
So, but I am.

1911
01:39:55.880 --> 01:39:57.960
I think we're going to go dating, or dating.

1912
01:39:57.960 --> 01:39:58.960
We are dating.

1913
01:39:58.960 --> 01:40:01.000
We're going to go dancing.

1914
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.520
I know we said that last time, but this was spontaneous that we met today.

1915
01:40:03.560 --> 01:40:09.840
Like I, I, I did a little happy dance in my room because I wasn't expecting it.

1916
01:40:09.840 --> 01:40:10.840
So it was, yeah.

1917
01:40:11.480 --> 01:40:12.440
We're excited for you.

1918
01:40:12.440 --> 01:40:15.240
Like, um, like, uh, Mandy C you deserve this.

1919
01:40:15.520 --> 01:40:16.960
Oh, thank you, Mandy.

1920
01:40:16.960 --> 01:40:18.120
I love you, girlfriend.

1921
01:40:20.440 --> 01:40:20.880
Thank.

1922
01:40:21.760 --> 01:40:22.160
All right.

1923
01:40:22.160 --> 01:40:23.160
Rachel.

1924
01:40:25.440 --> 01:40:26.520
Um, yeah.

1925
01:40:26.520 --> 01:40:32.080
So I wanted to share, I wanted to get, uh, a little bit of guidance.

1926
01:40:32.200 --> 01:40:39.400
Um, I just moved into phase two, but, um, so the background is I have a friend of

1927
01:40:39.400 --> 01:40:43.840
mine, uh, we've been friends for a bit now.

1928
01:40:44.200 --> 01:40:54.080
Um, and nothing really has transpired from that friendship and, um, because

1929
01:40:54.080 --> 01:40:58.000
he lives in Rhode Island and I live in a different state, so sometimes we'll

1930
01:40:58.000 --> 01:41:03.520
meet halfway to have lunch or whatever, or he will come here, I'll go there.

1931
01:41:03.520 --> 01:41:04.280
Kind of thing.

1932
01:41:04.320 --> 01:41:07.560
And so he's in Rhode Island.

1933
01:41:07.560 --> 01:41:08.240
I'm in mass.

1934
01:41:08.280 --> 01:41:13.640
So, you know, it depends, can be an hour, an hour, 15 minutes, 20 minutes.

1935
01:41:13.680 --> 01:41:14.200
Depends.

1936
01:41:14.280 --> 01:41:14.640
Okay.

1937
01:41:14.720 --> 01:41:20.440
Um, and we've actually met through a community, uh, online community.

1938
01:41:20.440 --> 01:41:24.280
And I mean, he's, he's just a great friend.

1939
01:41:24.880 --> 01:41:29.200
And, um, but last year we didn't really see each other as much.

1940
01:41:29.880 --> 01:41:37.600
And this February I went to, we went, we did like a ha like we try to meet, uh, at

1941
01:41:37.600 --> 01:41:42.040
a point and I don't know when I saw him in February, like, I don't know what

1942
01:41:42.040 --> 01:41:47.840
happened, it's just as if a veil lifted from my eyes, like, like seeing him in a

1943
01:41:47.840 --> 01:41:51.440
more, Oh, more than just, I was like, Ooh, he's handsome.

1944
01:41:51.720 --> 01:41:54.760
Like, I know he had just shaved, I don't know.

1945
01:41:54.760 --> 01:41:59.280
And I was like, I think we've been friends for maybe over four years.

1946
01:41:59.320 --> 01:42:07.040
Like, and, um, yeah, because I joined that community back in 2019 and I think

1947
01:42:07.040 --> 01:42:12.880
he probably joined around 2020 or 2021, if I'm not mistaken, so I'm like, Hmm.

1948
01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:13.480
Okay.

1949
01:42:13.720 --> 01:42:17.040
So some, I felt like I was paying attention to the movements of my heart

1950
01:42:17.160 --> 01:42:19.960
and I saw that something shifted in my own heart.

1951
01:42:20.600 --> 01:42:25.680
And, um, and then later that was in February.

1952
01:42:25.720 --> 01:42:30.640
And then in March he had invited me to something that they were doing a mission

1953
01:42:30.640 --> 01:42:33.360
day, you know, there was praise and worship and all that kind of stuff,

1954
01:42:33.360 --> 01:42:36.000
presentations and just having time in community.

1955
01:42:36.480 --> 01:42:41.960
And, um, later that day, um, I was talking to one of the girls.

1956
01:42:41.960 --> 01:42:46.760
It was, it was a long day, but later that day, uh, we were just having

1957
01:42:46.760 --> 01:42:51.200
girls talk and one of the girls was like, so what's up with you and Tom?

1958
01:42:51.320 --> 01:42:53.880
I was like, he's just my friend.

1959
01:42:54.440 --> 01:42:58.280
Um, and I said, he hasn't made any moves.

1960
01:42:58.280 --> 01:42:58.960
So I don't know.

1961
01:42:59.000 --> 01:43:01.560
I mean, I don't know why she asked me that question because

1962
01:43:01.560 --> 01:43:03.000
it's not, she's not my friend.

1963
01:43:03.320 --> 01:43:05.480
It's the very first time I've ever met her.

1964
01:43:05.760 --> 01:43:07.760
So I'm like, did you see something?

1965
01:43:07.760 --> 01:43:09.040
Did he say something to you?

1966
01:43:09.120 --> 01:43:10.400
Because I don't know.

1967
01:43:10.760 --> 01:43:16.680
Um, at least from my perspective, or maybe I was just blinded that

1968
01:43:16.680 --> 01:43:20.640
I was just naive because sometimes I can just be in my own world.

1969
01:43:20.680 --> 01:43:23.560
I don't know, but he's just my friend.

1970
01:43:23.880 --> 01:43:27.360
But I, one thing that I feel like I'm, I should have asked her

1971
01:43:27.360 --> 01:43:30.440
is like, what, where did you come?

1972
01:43:30.480 --> 01:43:34.960
Like somebody you just met, you asked me such a very personal question.

1973
01:43:35.360 --> 01:43:39.360
Um, I, I feel like I should have asked her a little bit more.

1974
01:43:39.760 --> 01:43:46.520
Um, but anyways, so that happened on the first Saturday, I think

1975
01:43:46.520 --> 01:43:51.160
it was March 7th and then last weekend, I went to Rhode Island for something

1976
01:43:51.160 --> 01:43:52.600
else that somebody else had invited me.

1977
01:43:53.000 --> 01:43:55.840
And since I knew you, I was going, I was like, Hey, do you want to get together?

1978
01:43:55.840 --> 01:43:57.760
Because I'll be in Rhode Island anyways.

1979
01:43:58.040 --> 01:43:59.960
And he was like, yeah, uh, sure.

1980
01:43:59.960 --> 01:44:04.920
So we ended up, uh, having lunch together, which is normal for us.

1981
01:44:04.920 --> 01:44:07.160
I mean, it's anything out of the league.

1982
01:44:07.640 --> 01:44:09.800
Um, it was really good.

1983
01:44:09.880 --> 01:44:15.400
And, um, but I think where I'm coming from is, okay.

1984
01:44:15.400 --> 01:44:19.640
So I'm not, first of all, I don't want to make up something

1985
01:44:19.640 --> 01:44:22.320
in my own mind about what is not.

1986
01:44:22.680 --> 01:44:30.000
Um, but also, you know, based on what Jackie talks about, you know,

1987
01:44:30.000 --> 01:44:34.000
there are steps, there are levels, you know, since there has

1988
01:44:34.000 --> 01:44:36.160
been this long of a friendship.

1989
01:44:36.400 --> 01:44:43.680
I don't know, like, how do you move away from, first of all, how do

1990
01:44:43.680 --> 01:44:49.000
I know, or identify that maybe.

1991
01:44:49.920 --> 01:44:50.200
Yeah.

1992
01:44:50.280 --> 01:44:50.960
Great question.

1993
01:44:51.000 --> 01:44:52.080
So glad you asked me.

1994
01:44:54.000 --> 01:44:57.280
Maybe he's hitting on something because he's made, he's asked

1995
01:44:57.280 --> 01:44:58.720
them, Oh, this is something else.

1996
01:44:59.200 --> 01:44:59.880
So.

1997
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.100
When I met with him in February,

1998
01:45:02.100 --> 01:45:04.600
he was asking me about dating and all that kind of stuff,

1999
01:45:04.600 --> 01:45:07.460
because he's really open with me and talks to me,

2000
01:45:07.460 --> 01:45:10.960
because he is in last year's singles.

2001
01:45:12.160 --> 01:45:13.000
So he was asking me,

2002
01:45:13.000 --> 01:45:15.000
so what about dating and all that kind of stuff?

2003
01:45:15.000 --> 01:45:20.000
And so when I answered him, he kind of challenged me.

2004
01:45:22.400 --> 01:45:25.320
And not long after,

2005
01:45:25.320 --> 01:45:27.880
it was probably a week or two weeks after,

2006
01:45:27.880 --> 01:45:29.800
I met with another person and she was like,

2007
01:45:29.800 --> 01:45:31.640
so what about dating?

2008
01:45:31.640 --> 01:45:33.160
You're seeing anybody?

2009
01:45:33.160 --> 01:45:34.480
And I was like, hmm.

2010
01:45:34.480 --> 01:45:36.320
So I shared about the same thing,

2011
01:45:36.320 --> 01:45:38.960
the same reason why I was holding back and all that.

2012
01:45:38.960 --> 01:45:40.320
And they both challenged me.

2013
01:45:40.320 --> 01:45:42.560
When something happened once, okay.

2014
01:45:42.560 --> 01:45:44.120
But when something happened twice,

2015
01:45:44.120 --> 01:45:46.400
both of them challenging me about like,

2016
01:45:46.400 --> 01:45:48.360
and I realized that there was some fear in my heart.

2017
01:45:48.360 --> 01:45:50.680
And that's how I was already doing last year's single.

2018
01:45:50.680 --> 01:45:53.120
I was dragging the phase one and I was like,

2019
01:45:53.120 --> 01:45:54.440
okay, I'm gonna get on it.

2020
01:45:54.440 --> 01:45:55.640
I'm not dragging anymore.

2021
01:45:55.640 --> 01:45:57.600
Let's get this going.

2022
01:45:57.600 --> 01:46:01.600
And so looking back, I'm like,

2023
01:46:01.600 --> 01:46:03.480
was he trying to get some information

2024
01:46:03.480 --> 01:46:05.800
that I wasn't thinking about?

2025
01:46:05.800 --> 01:46:09.200
I was just being honest about myself.

2026
01:46:09.200 --> 01:46:10.040
Like, I'm not sure.

2027
01:46:10.040 --> 01:46:11.320
Like, does that make sense?

2028
01:46:11.320 --> 01:46:12.320
I don't know if I'm making sense.

2029
01:46:12.320 --> 01:46:13.160
Yeah.

2030
01:46:13.160 --> 01:46:14.000
So, yeah.

2031
01:46:14.000 --> 01:46:16.400
So my questions are, do you like him?

2032
01:46:16.400 --> 01:46:17.400
Would you date him?

2033
01:46:17.400 --> 01:46:18.640
Would you consider him?

2034
01:46:18.640 --> 01:46:19.480
And the only reason why I'm asking,

2035
01:46:19.480 --> 01:46:21.360
would you consider him for marriage?

2036
01:46:21.360 --> 01:46:23.040
Is because if you make a move,

2037
01:46:23.040 --> 01:46:24.440
y'all are really good friends.

2038
01:46:24.440 --> 01:46:27.080
And so you know him a bit better.

2039
01:46:27.520 --> 01:46:28.880
And so like, is he righteous?

2040
01:46:28.880 --> 01:46:30.200
Is he wonderful?

2041
01:46:30.200 --> 01:46:31.520
Is he all these things?

2042
01:46:32.600 --> 01:46:37.600
I think there are things that I desire in a man

2043
01:46:37.640 --> 01:46:39.560
that he does have.

2044
01:46:39.560 --> 01:46:41.760
One other thing that holds me back

2045
01:46:41.760 --> 01:46:44.200
is that he is a bit older than I am.

2046
01:46:45.200 --> 01:46:48.600
So we have a 15 year difference.

2047
01:46:48.600 --> 01:46:50.040
That's a big difference.

2048
01:46:50.040 --> 01:46:50.880
Yeah.

2049
01:46:50.880 --> 01:46:52.000
How old are you?

2050
01:46:52.000 --> 01:46:53.480
I'm 29.

2051
01:46:53.480 --> 01:46:54.680
And that makes him what?

2052
01:46:54.680 --> 01:46:55.520
I think he's-

2053
01:46:55.520 --> 01:46:56.360
He's 44.

2054
01:46:56.360 --> 01:46:58.920
I'll be 30 at the end of this year and he'll be 45.

2055
01:47:00.760 --> 01:47:03.680
Oh, then maybe why he didn't say anything too.

2056
01:47:06.680 --> 01:47:07.520
Yeah.

2057
01:47:07.520 --> 01:47:10.640
So that's the other thing that I'm like, okay, yes.

2058
01:47:10.640 --> 01:47:12.120
I know that I'm a bit more mature.

2059
01:47:12.120 --> 01:47:15.680
So I know that I couldn't date somebody who's 29 years old,

2060
01:47:15.680 --> 01:47:18.800
but at the same time I have to be realistic.

2061
01:47:18.800 --> 01:47:19.640
Yeah.

2062
01:47:19.640 --> 01:47:22.840
I mean, Jackie teaches that it's about seasons of life.

2063
01:47:22.840 --> 01:47:24.280
You know, you guys are both,

2064
01:47:24.440 --> 01:47:27.680
he's a bit more than 10 years older than you.

2065
01:47:27.680 --> 01:47:28.520
Seasons of life.

2066
01:47:28.520 --> 01:47:29.800
You want children?

2067
01:47:30.760 --> 01:47:31.600
Yeah.

2068
01:47:31.600 --> 01:47:32.640
Do you want children?

2069
01:47:32.640 --> 01:47:33.480
Yes.

2070
01:47:33.480 --> 01:47:34.960
Does he want children?

2071
01:47:34.960 --> 01:47:36.640
Yes, I believe so.

2072
01:47:36.640 --> 01:47:37.480
Okay.

2073
01:47:37.480 --> 01:47:41.160
Well, if you like him, y'all are really good friends

2074
01:47:41.160 --> 01:47:43.240
and you don't mind the age gap.

2075
01:47:45.280 --> 01:47:47.800
So this is what you can do.

2076
01:47:47.800 --> 01:47:50.320
You're in last year's single and so is he.

2077
01:47:50.320 --> 01:47:52.640
And you can lead by saying, you know,

2078
01:47:52.640 --> 01:47:55.080
in phase two, they talk about that.

2079
01:47:56.800 --> 01:47:59.440
You listen to me like, no, no, no, no.

2080
01:47:59.440 --> 01:48:00.280
Go ahead, go ahead.

2081
01:48:00.280 --> 01:48:03.360
I want to hear Ebony because I don't know what I'm doing.

2082
01:48:03.360 --> 01:48:06.960
Like, Ebony, I've never dated before.

2083
01:48:06.960 --> 01:48:08.360
So I don't know.

2084
01:48:08.360 --> 01:48:12.120
So listen, you can tell him, you can say, listen, you know,

2085
01:48:12.120 --> 01:48:14.200
and I don't know what it's like on you guys' side,

2086
01:48:14.200 --> 01:48:17.200
but in phase two, they tell us to look within our community

2087
01:48:17.200 --> 01:48:19.200
for people to date or friends

2088
01:48:19.200 --> 01:48:20.760
that we got along really well with.

2089
01:48:20.800 --> 01:48:23.800
And you and I get along and I've never considered dating you.

2090
01:48:23.800 --> 01:48:25.800
Have you ever considered dating me?

2091
01:48:25.800 --> 01:48:27.480
And if you did, what were your thoughts?

2092
01:48:27.480 --> 01:48:29.600
That feels old.

2093
01:48:29.600 --> 01:48:32.080
But that sounds very friend-like.

2094
01:48:32.080 --> 01:48:33.480
Have you ever considered dating me

2095
01:48:33.480 --> 01:48:34.600
and what were your thoughts?

2096
01:48:34.600 --> 01:48:37.680
Not will you date me, not do you want to date me.

2097
01:48:37.680 --> 01:48:39.640
Have you ever considered dating me

2098
01:48:39.640 --> 01:48:41.040
and what were your thoughts?

2099
01:48:42.640 --> 01:48:44.320
So, and then he can say that

2100
01:48:44.320 --> 01:48:47.120
and then you can speak your piece after that.

2101
01:48:47.160 --> 01:48:51.680
Now, if, so once you get that far,

2102
01:48:51.680 --> 01:48:52.960
I can't complain ahead,

2103
01:48:52.960 --> 01:48:54.760
but let's say the conversation goes,

2104
01:48:54.760 --> 01:48:56.040
well, I did think about dating you,

2105
01:48:56.040 --> 01:48:57.200
but I thought about the age gap.

2106
01:48:57.200 --> 01:48:58.680
I thought you may not like me.

2107
01:48:59.960 --> 01:49:02.800
Then you're going to have to speak for yourself.

2108
01:49:02.800 --> 01:49:04.880
What you want to do is speak for yourself

2109
01:49:04.880 --> 01:49:07.400
and not speak to answer his questions.

2110
01:49:10.040 --> 01:49:12.040
And so when you speak for yourself,

2111
01:49:12.040 --> 01:49:14.160
you're going to make I statements.

2112
01:49:14.160 --> 01:49:15.880
Like, well, I didn't consider you until,

2113
01:49:15.880 --> 01:49:17.560
like I said in the program, they say,

2114
01:49:17.560 --> 01:49:19.320
do you have friends or dating community?

2115
01:49:19.320 --> 01:49:21.680
And I realized that we get along so well.

2116
01:49:21.680 --> 01:49:23.560
And so those are my thoughts about it.

2117
01:49:23.560 --> 01:49:25.360
So once you give those thoughts,

2118
01:49:25.360 --> 01:49:29.400
that's enough for that man to say,

2119
01:49:29.400 --> 01:49:31.160
would you go on a date with me?

2120
01:49:31.160 --> 01:49:34.640
Because if he hears that you're not opposed to it,

2121
01:49:34.640 --> 01:49:38.680
that you're open to it, now he can make a move.

2122
01:49:38.680 --> 01:49:40.160
So that's why I don't want you to say,

2123
01:49:40.160 --> 01:49:41.520
well, I don't think you're too old.

2124
01:49:41.520 --> 01:49:44.320
Oh, no, no, I don't think that, I don't think that.

2125
01:49:44.320 --> 01:49:46.720
You don't have to defend none of his thoughts.

2126
01:49:48.560 --> 01:49:49.880
You just give your thoughts

2127
01:49:49.880 --> 01:49:51.440
and then that tells you everything.

2128
01:49:51.440 --> 01:49:52.720
And so then you don't have to worry about it

2129
01:49:52.720 --> 01:49:55.800
because in this community, it's called low stakes.

2130
01:49:55.800 --> 01:49:57.480
And you know, you can tell him,

2131
01:49:57.480 --> 01:49:59.000
being your friend is wonderful.

2132
01:49:59.000 --> 01:50:00.320
So because y'all-

2133
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.000
In the same community, you can have these outright conversations,

2134
01:50:03.720 --> 01:50:05.360
but the language matters.

2135
01:50:05.360 --> 01:50:09.200
So he won't feel like he has to let you down easy or be so gentle.

2136
01:50:09.200 --> 01:50:10.280
You can say in phase two,

2137
01:50:10.280 --> 01:50:14.200
they told us to look through our community to see if there were any dateable

2138
01:50:14.200 --> 01:50:17.520
people. And I thought about me, you are really good friends.

2139
01:50:17.680 --> 01:50:20.600
We always hang out, but we've never dated.

2140
01:50:20.600 --> 01:50:24.600
So have you ever had any thoughts about dating me? What were they?

2141
01:50:25.080 --> 01:50:28.560
You see how that sounds? Everybody's relaxed. Yeah.

2142
01:50:29.560 --> 01:50:32.880
And then that conversation will take you somewhere. Okay.

2143
01:50:33.320 --> 01:50:34.840
Remember our statements.

2144
01:50:36.360 --> 01:50:39.360
Always not what I will accept.

2145
01:50:39.640 --> 01:50:43.520
Not what I'm willing to do for the right person. Just what I like,

2146
01:50:43.920 --> 01:50:46.480
what I will want, what I desire,

2147
01:50:47.360 --> 01:50:48.960
and I am open to dating.

2148
01:50:52.600 --> 01:50:54.440
And so if you want, if you,

2149
01:50:54.480 --> 01:50:58.080
if you feel a little sassy and you do want to date him,

2150
01:50:58.320 --> 01:51:00.120
when you get through making your statement, you can say,

2151
01:51:00.120 --> 01:51:04.640
so if you know any single guys who are looking to

2152
01:51:04.640 --> 01:51:08.440
date an awesome woman, please let me know.

2153
01:51:12.160 --> 01:51:13.000
I just love it.

2154
01:51:17.000 --> 01:51:20.520
So, you know, see, see what he does.

2155
01:51:20.720 --> 01:51:24.480
What? Okay. One more question. I mean, maybe that's, I'm thinking,

2156
01:51:24.560 --> 01:51:29.640
I'm not being present. I'm thinking future. What if it doesn't like,

2157
01:51:29.680 --> 01:51:32.960
let's say that the dating doesn't work out. Like there's,

2158
01:51:33.000 --> 01:51:38.160
there's always a rest, right? To, you know, because yes.

2159
01:51:38.200 --> 01:51:41.440
What about my friendship? Like what's going to happen to my friends?

2160
01:51:43.440 --> 01:51:45.520
If he asks you like, there's something you can discuss.

2161
01:51:45.520 --> 01:51:47.560
It depends on where the conversation goes. But if he says,

2162
01:51:47.560 --> 01:51:50.200
let's do a low stakes date, you are in this program.

2163
01:51:50.200 --> 01:51:52.600
You understand what low stakes mean. And I think you had,

2164
01:51:52.600 --> 01:51:56.200
you guys have to set really strong boundaries so that you can preserve what you

2165
01:51:56.200 --> 01:51:57.040
do have.

2166
01:51:57.760 --> 01:52:01.840
And means that you're going to be even more committed to showing up

2167
01:52:01.840 --> 01:52:05.640
authentically and not saying, Oh, I don't want to do this.

2168
01:52:05.640 --> 01:52:07.240
I heard his feeling. That's your friend.

2169
01:52:07.720 --> 01:52:09.560
You're going to do what's best for your friend.

2170
01:52:10.200 --> 01:52:13.120
And so that means keep your pacing. You don't know him.

2171
01:52:13.120 --> 01:52:15.880
You know him as your friend. You don't know him as something else.

2172
01:52:16.120 --> 01:52:19.520
Okay. And so he's going to show up different. He should show up different.

2173
01:52:19.560 --> 01:52:22.240
If he's going to say, let's do a date. Okay.

2174
01:52:22.240 --> 01:52:24.080
Now there's a little bit switch over.

2175
01:52:24.080 --> 01:52:26.200
So he going to have to show his peacock feathers.

2176
01:52:26.200 --> 01:52:29.240
You know how men do when they want a woman, they pull out them feathers, baby.

2177
01:52:29.240 --> 01:52:34.240
Come look at me. So he gonna have to show them feathers, but you know,

2178
01:52:35.640 --> 01:52:39.240
um, yeah. And then, so that would be a conversation you will have.

2179
01:52:40.040 --> 01:52:42.680
Like, do you think this is going to jeopardize our friendship?

2180
01:52:42.680 --> 01:52:44.080
Will we be able to see each other?

2181
01:52:44.080 --> 01:52:49.080
Is this a risk you're willing to take? If it's not then I'm not willing to lose

2182
01:52:49.080 --> 01:52:53.160
you as a friend either. So that's good.

2183
01:52:53.160 --> 01:52:55.400
That's good. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

2184
01:52:56.080 --> 01:52:56.920
Oh yeah. You're welcome.

2185
01:52:56.920 --> 01:53:00.360
But don't let that be something that caused you to do conversations too

2186
01:53:00.360 --> 01:53:02.720
prematurely because that will ruin anything.

2187
01:53:02.720 --> 01:53:04.240
Cause if you do premature conversations,

2188
01:53:04.240 --> 01:53:07.640
it's going to pick up the pace and you're going to be on the road.

2189
01:53:07.960 --> 01:53:10.840
So do you, although,

2190
01:53:10.840 --> 01:53:12.920
still follow the pacing,

2191
01:53:12.920 --> 01:53:16.240
although I already know a little bit about him still follow the pacing.

2192
01:53:16.240 --> 01:53:17.080
Okay.

2193
01:53:17.560 --> 01:53:21.240
Because if you don't, you're going to assume, you know, him that way.

2194
01:53:21.240 --> 01:53:23.640
And you don't. Yeah. Right.

2195
01:53:23.680 --> 01:53:26.080
That's one thing that I realized is that although I'm his friend,

2196
01:53:26.080 --> 01:53:28.960
like there are things that I still don't know, you know,

2197
01:53:28.960 --> 01:53:30.040
you don't know his,

2198
01:53:30.600 --> 01:53:34.040
you don't know his heart or your heart when a person of the opposite sex wants

2199
01:53:34.040 --> 01:53:36.560
to get close to it for a reason.

2200
01:53:36.560 --> 01:53:40.960
Or your heart when a person of the opposite sex wants to get close to it for

2201
01:53:40.960 --> 01:53:43.800
dating purposes, this is a different thing now.

2202
01:53:44.440 --> 01:53:46.480
So the core of a person should be the same,

2203
01:53:46.480 --> 01:53:49.000
integrates honorable and all of those things.

2204
01:53:49.280 --> 01:53:51.400
But sometimes little walls go up,

2205
01:53:51.680 --> 01:53:54.880
the assumptions go up certain attachment styles come up.

2206
01:53:55.080 --> 01:53:57.640
And then you'll get to, because he's your friend,

2207
01:53:57.640 --> 01:54:01.360
you're going to have much more grace with him. And you'll be like,

2208
01:54:01.360 --> 01:54:06.040
what is this you got going on? What was that about? You know? So, um,

2209
01:54:06.040 --> 01:54:10.800
but resist the idea that to, to, if you,

2210
01:54:10.880 --> 01:54:14.760
if you go fast, you're going to ruin your friendship because you,

2211
01:54:14.800 --> 01:54:17.440
you're out of, you got to stay in pace.

2212
01:54:18.480 --> 01:54:20.360
You got to submit to boundaries in order.

2213
01:54:22.160 --> 01:54:25.360
That's good. Yeah. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. You're welcome.

2214
01:54:26.040 --> 01:54:28.880
All right, ladies. It has been a blast with you all.

2215
01:54:28.880 --> 01:54:31.360
Tiffany has been my smiling face that I've been looking. Yes.

2216
01:54:31.360 --> 01:54:34.440
These are Guatemalan flag earring. I've been looking at Tiffany the whole time.

2217
01:54:34.440 --> 01:54:37.960
So I'm like, if I'm on track, I see her smile. She write a note down.

2218
01:54:37.960 --> 01:54:41.520
I'm like, I'm doing good tonight. So in Sarah,

2219
01:54:41.760 --> 01:54:44.880
the cameras all she keep me backed up. I'm like, yeah, I'm this bunny.

2220
01:54:44.880 --> 01:54:49.480
I'm like, okay, I'm a tracking and Rachel. I'm like, I'm doing good. So, uh,

2221
01:54:49.600 --> 01:54:54.840
Carol Jean, this is the first time I, um, Oh, you're Guatemala wonder.

2222
01:54:54.920 --> 01:54:58.720
Oh, we had a holidays around the world at our school.

2223
01:54:58.720 --> 01:54:59.640
And I go to, uh,

2224
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.720
So all of my students are Hispanic.

2225
01:55:02.720 --> 01:55:04.520
And so they wanted to do Guatemala.

2226
01:55:04.520 --> 01:55:07.240
I got a lot of students from Guatemala, Honduras,

2227
01:55:07.240 --> 01:55:10.320
and all of these places, South American places.

2228
01:55:10.320 --> 01:55:13.240
But yeah, so nice to have you Carol Jean on tonight.

2229
01:55:13.240 --> 01:55:16.240
I've not met you before, but you ladies were amazing.

2230
01:55:16.240 --> 01:55:17.920
I hope that you get plenty of rest.

2231
01:55:17.920 --> 01:55:20.880
And I haven't done this activation in a really long time.

2232
01:55:20.880 --> 01:55:22.080
So here it is, ladies.

2233
01:55:22.080 --> 01:55:24.320
I want you to get in your bed tonight.

2234
01:55:24.320 --> 01:55:25.400
And when you get in that bed,

2235
01:55:25.400 --> 01:55:28.080
I want you to roll all the way over to the other side

2236
01:55:28.080 --> 01:55:29.560
before you fall out.

2237
01:55:29.560 --> 01:55:33.280
And then on your way back over to your side,

2238
01:55:33.280 --> 01:55:35.120
I want you to remind yourself,

2239
01:55:35.120 --> 01:55:36.800
in not too many days from now,

2240
01:55:36.800 --> 01:55:38.520
you're gonna bump into your husband

2241
01:55:38.520 --> 01:55:41.960
and what a glorious time you will be having.

2242
01:55:41.960 --> 01:55:44.200
So all right, I want you to jump in that bed,

2243
01:55:44.200 --> 01:55:47.520
roll all the way over, and on your way back,

2244
01:55:47.520 --> 01:55:49.400
say, it won't be long now.

2245
01:55:49.400 --> 01:55:50.640
It won't be long now.

2246
01:55:50.640 --> 01:55:55.000
I will be bumping into my husband, man.

2247
01:55:55.000 --> 01:55:56.600
That's right, okay?

2248
01:55:56.600 --> 01:56:00.200
So you ladies have a good night

2249
01:56:00.200 --> 01:56:02.320
and have fun with that activation.

2250
01:56:02.320 --> 01:56:04.440
All right, talk to you soon.

2251
01:56:04.440 --> 01:56:05.280
Bye.