WEBVTT

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Okay.

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Great.

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I just didn't hear a second, you know, why I've been here is a recording in progress.

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Y'all hear is that recording in progress?

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Yeah.

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Gail, have you been?

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Have you, did you see Carla today?

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She's looking for you.

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She is looking for you.

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I bet she is.

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Oh, all right, ladies, let's, huh, what are you gonna say?

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That's the beauty of having two of you.

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I can pick and choose who's going to agree with me.

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It's true.

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It's true.

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Hey, Ms. Bunny.

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Hey, Abby.

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Hey, Karen.

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It's so good to see y'all tonight.

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Good to see y'all.

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Thank you.

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Kelly, I hope you're getting some things worked out, getting some peace.

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Hey, Ms. Tiffany, I'm making some moves.

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Hey, Grace and Telly, Audrey.

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I just want to speak to everybody, you know, Jody, Ms. Jean, do you say your name?

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Ed, Edwich.

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Did I say your name right?

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Close.

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Kind of.

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Let's pray.

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Jesus, I thank you for tonight.

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I thank you for these ladies.

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I thank you for what you're doing.

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I thank you for a revival of kingdom marriages, and it includes every single woman that I'm

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looking at, because you have great plans for your earth, and we're going to be the ones

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to get the job done.

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In Jesus' name, I do pray.

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We thank you.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Well, is there anyone, this is your first time on tonight, give me a wave of a heart

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or something.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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All right.

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Nobody's new.

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Okay.

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I'm not going to spend a lot of time.

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Thank all of you ladies for staying engaged.

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Hey, Sarah, and keeping all of your, all of the brides encouraged and motivated and sharing

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your heart and your stories with each other, it really matters and it shows us that we're

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not that much different.

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Yeah.

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And so if you guys haven't been catching the supernatural Saturdays, you should catch the

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replays because they have been amazing.

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I think they're always amazing, but they have been really, really filled with some faith

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that you need to grab hold to for the journey.

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Don't forget there's always one-on-one coaching.

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We have a plethora of lovely coaches that you can work with one-on-one.

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I believe not just because I am one, but I believe it makes a lot of difference.

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And so if you've ever thought about it, I say, go for it.

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Now we've already prayed.

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And so I want to talk about this tonight and I'm going to set my timer because I got notes

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and I'm going to have them because it's so good.

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It is so good tonight.

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And I don't want y'all to miss any of it because I know how important it is.

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So I'm going to set my time for 25 minutes.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So tonight we're going to talk about something that I struggle with and that I know a lot

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of you struggle with.

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And it's this God-defending concept.

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And so Jacob always says, you're God-defending, you're God-defending.

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And we're like, yeah, we're God-defending, but I don't really feel like that.

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And I really don't know how to do that.

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And so I keep defending myself because I don't know how to be God-defending.

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And I've shared with you ladies before that being God-defending is actually a faith walk.

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So I kept expecting to wake up and be God-defending.

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Listen, if you haven't been God-defending before you got to this program, this is not

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something you practice in your life.

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What you actually practice is being you-defending.

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You defend yourself, you guard yourself, and especially you may be God-defending in one

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area, but you may not have ever had to be God-defending in this area.

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What is this area?

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This area is your love story.

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There are so many traumas and wounds and everything that goes flying when you start talking about

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your love story.

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You have to work through hard stuff that daddy did, that mama did, that brother did, that

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cousin did, that dead man did, that the first husband did, that the second husband did,

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and the one boyfriend did.

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So look at all it.

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So from all of those experiences, your nervous system is wired to protect itself when anything

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that looks like love comes near.

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So this expectation that you're just going to be something that you've never had to be

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before is a pretty harsh expectation to have on yourself, but once you release the expectation

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yourself to be something you never had to be before, you will actually have a better chance

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at being. But as long as you don't give yourself grace, as long as you believe you should be,

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you're going to keep acting like you should be instead of confessing, I don't know how to be,

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teach me how to be. And when you become teachable, you can learn amazing things, right?

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So we're going to be talking about dating differently. We're going from self-defending

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to God-defending. Now, why are we so, and in this process, we're going to be breaking

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fear-based vows and letting go of things so that God can write your love story.

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You know, I know it sounds really good when we say it, and it's true,

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all things are true, but it takes a level of faith to let God write your love story.

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Because he hadn't written your love story before now. He does things a lot differently than you.

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And so you just can't quite get the hang of this thing because he's saying through the program,

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Jackie's putting this thing together that the Lord has shown her, come do it this way. And you're

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like, I heard from the spirit, he's the one. I got the butterflies to prove it. He's everything

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I've ever wanted and more. I'm going for it. I don't care about the boundaries. I don't need

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the boundaries. I don't need boundaries. I know what I feel. And a week later,

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you busted and disgusted. Your heart is broken because you followed the pattern you've always

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followed. And then we give you a new pattern and you have to be willing to submit yourself to a

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new way of doing things. But following this way, operating in faith with heaven this way,

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saying that, God, you know what's best for me. No matter how long it's taking, I still believe

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you're working for me. Oh, no matter how many setbacks I have, I still believe you're working

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for me. No matter how many triggers that are coming up, I believe you're still working for me.

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Hey, you get it. You see, it's even a journey with me saying it. No matter how afraid I feel,

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I believe you're still working for me. Right. All of my thoughts about myself. I still believe

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you're working for me. Nobody wants me because I'm too ugly. I'm too fat. I'm too old. I'm too

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skinny. I'm too, too, too, too, too. Right. And you're still walking hand to hand with God and

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believe that he's working for you. And so this is a journey. All right. So many women in singleness

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walk in self defended. Who's going to defend you if you've never had to let God defend you?

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I want that to be as clear. I was going to say as clear as clear as crystal clear as I can get

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that for you, that you are embarking upon a new journey. The sooner you receive it,

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the better you'll be able to receive whatever, whatever is the Lord's has for you. So now

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it's not that the journey is a challenge because something is wrong with you.

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It's because something has happened to you.

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There's nothing wrong. And we think that what is wrong with me that I just can't get this thing

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that I'm God defended. Why am I even worried about this? God is taking care of me.

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It's not, it's not you. It's what has happened to you and your body. Your system is doing what

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it's supposed to do. It is protecting you. It's saying, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

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getting too close, getting too close, getting too close. This looks like my past or this resembles

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this. And so these are just all parts, the inner workings of a person. Right. So what happens

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we build walls, we create laws. You don't know when you say certain things that you're creating

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laws, but you tell yourself that'll never happen to me again. You watch, then you become a detective.

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Oh, nobody will never treat me that way again. And then you watch for anything that looks like it.

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You sniff it out. You'll make it up. Give you a sense. You'll make up the whole story.

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Why? Because you're going to protect and defend and guard yourself at all costs because you don't

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want to feel that pain again. You already know what it feels like. And you just not going to

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go back down that road again. So that's how it happens. So you make all of these inner vows

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and you believe that these things will protect you from pain. And they actually become the thing

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that hinders you from receiving the love story that God has for you because of the laws that

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you operate in. So we're going to talk about that today. We're going to talk about being

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God defended and we're going to talk about being supernaturally surrendered because you can do it.

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You will do it. And if you're going to get to the love story that heaven has for you,

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you have to do it. Because not every single person is the same and we cannot judge people

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the same way. And it's just, you know, this is a part of it. You have to be vulnerable and surrender

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to get married just in case you didn't know that.

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You kind of have to, right?

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So this isn't just about dating.

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It's about preparing your heart to carry the love story,

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to give you capacity for what's in front of you.

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Because if you go into marriage,

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and you can't get married,

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a lot of people have miserable marriages

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because they're guarded and walled up

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and they refuse to trust each other.

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You can be miserable,

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but it's not the kingdom love story you signed up for.

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I'm gonna tell you that right now.

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So all things are possible,

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but you want the best outcome.

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Okay, so self-dependent and protective vows.

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And those are the vows that I was talking about

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that we make unknowingly.

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So when you've been hurt, rejected, or disappointed,

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your heart creates strategies to keep you safe.

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That's just what the heart does.

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And we think, I just said this,

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we think that we're protecting ourselves, but we're not.

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So let's listen to some common vows.

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I named a few.

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I'll never let that happen to me again.

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I will not date a man who has debt.

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I will not date a man who has children.

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I will not date a man who lives at his mama house.

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I will not date a man,

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like everybody has a I will not date a man.

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You can drop it in the chat if you want to.

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I will not date a man that drinks.

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You raised with an abusive alcoholic father,

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the chances of you marrying a man that drinks

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is probably slim to none.

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Now, I'm not saying that you're wrong for that,

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or you should date a man that drinks,

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but there are people who casually drink,

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they never get drunk, they never hit somebody.

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That's a reality.

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That's a real, real reality.

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But because of that trauma and that wounding,

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that's just a place that you're not going, right?

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Men cannot be trusted.

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I remember when I started this program,

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I didn't even know it, but I hated men.

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Hated.

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All I wanted to do was sit in front of a man

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and tell him why he was not good enough for me.

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Because I believe that men wanted me to carry their load

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and lead the way.

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And I wasn't willing to carry the load of another man

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the way I did my ex-husbands.

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I just was not willing.

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My back was no longer strong enough.

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And so I wanted to find a way to disqualify that person,

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right, before they tricked me,

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or whatever my mind thought,

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before I got back in the situation I was in before,

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because I was never gonna do that again, right?

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So go get your stuff together.

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You struggling, struggle by yourself.

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I'm out the struggle bus.

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I ain't never gonna get back on the struggle bus again.

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I struggle all by myself.

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I don't need you to help me struggle, uh-huh.

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So that was me.

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That was my mindset, and I was locked in, all right?

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So you know how did somebody say,

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I got the T-shirt to prove it, been there, done that.

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I got the T-shirt to prove it to you.

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That was how I was.

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I didn't even know that I hated me.

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And here I am showing programs saying I wanna be mayor.

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I'm believing God for a love story.

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And that's how I know that there's so many other layers

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behind I'm believing God for something.

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There's so many other things that you have to work through,

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because there's a real thing back there

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that is hindering the thing that we really desire.

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And when heaven puts his hands on something,

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he's not trying to piece something together

242
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and send you up to the altar

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because you want a husband so bad.

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And then you go tell somebody that it's God

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that he wrote your love story.

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It don't work like that.

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The Lord is interested in your healing, your wholeness.

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Marriage is a light thing to the Lord.

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That's an easy thing to do.

250
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But getting you to grow and heal

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is the most challenging thing

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because you are the one who has to surrender yourself.

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And you refuse to surrender yourself.

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Sometimes we refuse to do the work that's required

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to make us whole and healthy.

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But we will want a man to come along and be whole and healthy

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but we refuse to do the work that's necessary

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to be the thing that we desire, right?

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So another thing is I'm not gonna allow someone

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to deceive me again.

261
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And when you make that law,

262
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you really do become a detective.

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Oh, I won't date an addict or a liar or a cheater.

264
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You shouldn't date an addict.

265
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I wouldn't date an addict either.

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But these vows, a lot of these vows, they feel wise.

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They feel protective

268
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and they feel like you're being responsible.

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But this is what happens.

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They actually create the thing that keeps us down

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because you apply these laws to everything.

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The laws don't just stay in one little box.

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They get applied to everything all across the board

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and everybody becomes a threat.

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Unless that man come floating in on some wings,

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most of us won't budge.

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And so you create these laws

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and they just kind of float across the board for everybody.

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And what, and the thing is, we skipped the self-awareness part.

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And that's the part that is most damaging to us.

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Because you believe that somebody did something to you, and you never account for your responsibility

282
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or your hand in the matter.

283
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See when you're talking about a relationship that you signed up to be in, we're not talking

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about what mama did, what daddy did when you were a child that you couldn't control.

285
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Those are different things.

286
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We're talking about a relationship that you continually say yes to.

287
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Oh, well, he's a narcissist, you still say yes to it.

288
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You have a role to play in anything that happens in your life.

289
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And so you excuse yourself from your role with the laws you create, and you punish the

290
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:53.480
people around you and want them to prove that there's something to be something, but you

291
00:15:53.480 --> 00:15:57.920
refuse to deal with your hand in the matter.

292
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Your hands was in the cookie jar too.

293
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:04.080
You're the one that kept making decisions to say, for whatever reason you did it.

294
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We don't deal with the reasons why we did what we did, and that is the issue.

295
00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:15.880
Because your energy will be better spent dealing with why did I do what I did so that I will

296
00:16:15.880 --> 00:16:22.080
never do that again, instead of saying, I will never date a man that's an addict again.

297
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You say to yourself, why did I stay in a relationship with an addict?

298
00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:33.080
Who was that woman?

299
00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:35.440
Who was I when I made that decision?

300
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:38.240
What was happening on the inside of me?

301
00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:41.680
What did I believe about myself?

302
00:16:41.680 --> 00:16:42.680
You understand?

303
00:16:42.680 --> 00:16:44.720
What wisdom did I adhere to?

304
00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:47.680
What help did I cry out loud to get?

305
00:16:47.680 --> 00:16:50.920
What am I going to do differently next time?

306
00:16:50.920 --> 00:16:52.040
Oh, what can I do?

307
00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:57.280
How can I get me well so that I won't make those decisions again?

308
00:16:57.280 --> 00:16:59.880
Are y'all tracking with me?

309
00:16:59.880 --> 00:17:00.880
Okay.

310
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And so, so we don't want to ever skip the self-awareness and move straight into self-protection.

311
00:17:11.560 --> 00:17:15.839
And most of the time, we're more in self-protection than we are in self-awareness.

312
00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:20.160
And that's why you're in this program, because you want to become self-aware.

313
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Because you knew when you signed up that the first part of this program was hard work.

314
00:17:23.960 --> 00:17:26.720
And hard work requires you to become self-aware.

315
00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:32.400
And it continues on, especially when you start dating.

316
00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:35.200
And that's why most of us say, I thought I was healed.

317
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:39.160
Oh, listen, healing is just a part of life.

318
00:17:39.160 --> 00:17:44.000
It's just that everything that comes up helps to sharpen you, to shape you, to make you

319
00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:45.000
stronger.

320
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Right?

321
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And so that's how that works.

322
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So we create this system on the inside of us.

323
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We create things to avoid, things to try to, traits to eliminate, and patterns to control.

324
00:17:57.080 --> 00:18:00.520
And one of us could be able to find ourselves in one of those.

325
00:18:00.520 --> 00:18:03.480
You're either one who's trapped to control.

326
00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:04.480
What does control look like?

327
00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.200
Control looks like if you do this, this, this, I'm not doing this.

328
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:13.440
You actually go ahead, go into the future and project things so that you want to control

329
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:14.440
things.

330
00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:15.440
You want to protect yourself.

331
00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:16.440
You want to stay ahead.

332
00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:17.440
Right?

333
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:23.160
You go give yourself a scenario and produce an outcome, or traits to eliminate.

334
00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:26.200
If a man carry a certain trait, then I ain't got no business with.

335
00:18:26.200 --> 00:18:27.200
Now, they're just a man.

336
00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:29.040
You can do that with a friend.

337
00:18:29.040 --> 00:18:31.960
If you meet somebody and they have a certain trait, you be like, oh, no, I don't even fool

338
00:18:31.960 --> 00:18:33.560
with people like that.

339
00:18:33.560 --> 00:18:34.560
Right?

340
00:18:34.560 --> 00:18:36.560
And then things that you're just going to avoid.

341
00:18:36.560 --> 00:18:37.560
I'm going to avoid being vulnerable.

342
00:18:37.560 --> 00:18:39.840
I'm not going to be vulnerable with anybody.

343
00:18:39.840 --> 00:18:42.840
I'm not going to trust you until you can prove to me you can be trusted.

344
00:18:45.840 --> 00:18:47.160
What's the opposite of it?

345
00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:52.920
If I am aware, I'll have boundaries that I submit to, boundaries that I honor in my own

346
00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:53.920
life.

347
00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:59.800
See, I don't have to demand boundaries of somebody else when I submit to my own boundary.

348
00:18:59.800 --> 00:19:04.360
My boundary says that if you don't honor me in the way that you speak to me, that I don't

349
00:19:04.360 --> 00:19:09.640
continue in friendship, relationship, no kind of ship with you, and I don't get mad at you.

350
00:19:09.640 --> 00:19:13.040
I just say, hey, it seems that we don't agree in the language we're going to use with each

351
00:19:13.040 --> 00:19:15.120
other.

352
00:19:15.800 --> 00:19:21.840
It's been a journey, but I'm going to have to end it here.

353
00:19:21.840 --> 00:19:28.960
That is you putting yourself under an order that says, hey, I'm worth more.

354
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.680
I'm not going to allow something like this to happen again.

355
00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:32.680
Right?

356
00:19:32.680 --> 00:19:39.000
And so I govern myself from within.

357
00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:42.800
So we said that these strategies, some of the strategies we use, the vows we create

358
00:19:42.800 --> 00:19:47.760
may block the pain, but they can also block God's blessing.

359
00:19:47.760 --> 00:19:56.640
You guys, every person, including you, me, anybody else, we're going to have yellow flags.

360
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:57.920
You're going to have issues.

361
00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:00.000
You may even have a few red flags.

362
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.880
with those red flags are. Everybody has to be cultivated. When the Lord gives you a spouse,

363
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:10.720
they're going to cultivate something in you and you're going to cultivate something in them.

364
00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:18.000
And so we have to be sensitive when we are in these processes so that we can know what is

365
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:24.560
just a cultivation area. You know, well, I'm Pentecostal and he's Baptist and we don't go

366
00:20:24.560 --> 00:20:28.080
to the same church. He may be wonderful, but I'm not doing that. I don't want to go to separate.

367
00:20:28.080 --> 00:20:31.520
You've got to know what to bend on. You've got to have non-negotiables that are rooted in a

368
00:20:31.520 --> 00:20:37.040
healthy place, right? Because everybody has to do some changes. So let's talk about still hitting

369
00:20:37.040 --> 00:20:40.640
with God-dependent versus self-dependent. I'm going to kind of speed us through because I want

370
00:20:40.640 --> 00:20:47.120
to get to a lot of these things. When we are self-defended, we are living in fear, past hurts,

371
00:20:47.120 --> 00:20:53.040
and mistrust. We create walls and we are rigid. We want to control things. I've said that. And

372
00:20:53.040 --> 00:21:00.720
then we react from past experiences. Now you may be able to find yourself in this, but I was very

373
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:06.320
reactive from past experience. If I even sniffed that you were anything like my past, that was the

374
00:21:06.320 --> 00:21:11.760
end of that story. Didn't even matter to me. Wrap this stuff up, pack up and let's go. I have a

375
00:21:11.760 --> 00:21:17.440
problem with it at all. But in dating, what would it look like for you? You're overanalyzing

376
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:24.560
everything. You avoid vulnerability. You disqualify quickly. When you disqualify quickly,

377
00:21:24.560 --> 00:21:28.960
there's a reason you disqualify quickly. You have to ask yourself, why am I counting this

378
00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:36.000
person out already? You have to start questioning your motive. Just start questioning your decision

379
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:40.960
process. Why am I making these decisions? And when your answer comes back, I ain't finna waste my

380
00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:48.080
time. You need to ask yourself, what time are you wasting? You want a hug. How long are you

381
00:21:48.080 --> 00:21:57.200
going to be at this? You disqualify them out of fast, right? And leading with suspicion instead

382
00:21:57.200 --> 00:22:08.240
of curiosity. Yes, disqualifying ourselves can be not, it's not being God defended. All right.

383
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:11.840
Now, what does God defended look like? You're anchored in trust in God's protection.

384
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:18.800
You hold healthy boundaries without fear, without fear of what? Without fear of losing the person.

385
00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:25.760
Like this is, it's a healthy boundary. I know that it's healthy. And if you have to walk away

386
00:22:25.760 --> 00:22:30.800
because of my health and boundary, then you just have to walk away because you don't serve my life

387
00:22:30.800 --> 00:22:36.880
best. And I won't serve your life best because anytime that we don't know how to handle something

388
00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:44.000
abuse is inevitable. It's going to happen. If you don't know the proper way to use a tool or

389
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:50.160
anything else, you're going to misuse it. You're going to abuse it. And so you're both going to

390
00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:54.960
mishandle each other because you're working from two different spaces and places. All right. And

391
00:22:54.960 --> 00:23:01.440
then in dating, we said it looks like, um, oh, and so we're talking about God defended living

392
00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:08.560
and also respond from truth instead of reaction. I see it there. Right. Okay. So what does it look

393
00:23:08.560 --> 00:23:13.840
like when you go on a date, you go on a date with curiosity and discernment, not trying to figure

394
00:23:13.840 --> 00:23:21.120
out to nail somebody to the cross. Right. You're just curious and you have discernment. So you make

395
00:23:21.120 --> 00:23:30.400
little notes. Um, you stay emotionally open while still being grounded. That's a mouthful. And then

396
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:37.600
you respond intentionally instead of reacting. And one way I say to do this, it helps me. I remind

397
00:23:37.600 --> 00:23:44.080
myself to respond from who I am, not who they are or who they show up to be. I'm not going to let

398
00:23:44.080 --> 00:23:52.800
who you be determined who I am. I get to still be me and ladies, you still get to be you. You can

399
00:23:52.800 --> 00:23:58.800
show up as you, I don't care how the next person shows up. Right. Oh, well, he didn't respond to

400
00:23:58.800 --> 00:24:03.040
me. I'm not going to respond to him. Well, if you respond, respond and make a decision. The last one

401
00:24:03.040 --> 00:24:10.160
was respond from truth. I don't know. They responding intentionally instead of reacting.

402
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:19.760
Was it that one, Sarah? Yes. Thank you. Okay. So one of the questions you have to ask yourself,

403
00:24:19.760 --> 00:24:23.120
and I know I'm saying a mouthful, but I want to get through it all then, you know,

404
00:24:23.120 --> 00:24:27.360
I'm trying not to get too sidetracked. One of the core questions I want you to say,

405
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:30.880
you know, am I operating out of fear or from trusting God?

406
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:37.760
And a lot of this stuff gets muddy y'all, because you're trying to remember all the

407
00:24:37.760 --> 00:24:42.240
guardrails that the program said. And did I do this right? And then I do that right. And I thought

408
00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:49.280
I did this right. And I thought I did that right, but then I messed it up. Yes. Everybody do you

409
00:24:49.280 --> 00:24:54.480
see it? So I just did the same thing. It's okay. You're learning. Give yourself grace to be a

410
00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:59.920
student because that's who you are in this season of your life. This season will soon pass.

411
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.960
One day you'll be married,

412
00:25:01.960 --> 00:25:03.640
so be the best student you could be.

413
00:25:03.640 --> 00:25:06.520
Show up, give yourself grace, be teachable,

414
00:25:06.520 --> 00:25:09.320
learn, grow, laugh, have fun.

415
00:25:09.320 --> 00:25:10.840
Give it all you got.

416
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:12.740
Why not?

417
00:25:12.740 --> 00:25:14.680
You're here right now.

418
00:25:16.080 --> 00:25:19.120
Enjoy this phase of your life

419
00:25:19.120 --> 00:25:21.560
because it's gonna equip you for more than marriage.

420
00:25:21.560 --> 00:25:25.240
This is equipping you for life.

421
00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:28.160
You're going to reach great heights in life.

422
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:29.640
Jackie says this, she said,

423
00:25:29.640 --> 00:25:32.400
if you think being married is the prize of all prizes,

424
00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:34.800
I'm here to tell you, it's just not.

425
00:25:37.120 --> 00:25:40.760
It's not the highest pinnacle of life.

426
00:25:40.760 --> 00:25:42.400
And I'm not putting it down,

427
00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:44.560
but I'm telling you all of these tools

428
00:25:44.560 --> 00:25:47.600
empower you to reach all the things

429
00:25:47.600 --> 00:25:51.060
you want to reach in life, not just marriage, okay?

430
00:25:51.060 --> 00:25:54.100
All right, so we want you to be anchored in the truth.

431
00:25:55.080 --> 00:25:57.680
So not just to enter into a relationship,

432
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:01.720
but be able to sustain a relationship, okay?

433
00:26:06.360 --> 00:26:10.800
Let's break some protective vows.

434
00:26:10.800 --> 00:26:13.940
Everybody knows what protective vows they have.

435
00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:16.960
If you don't know, I want us to think about

436
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:18.320
because we want to do a shift

437
00:26:18.320 --> 00:26:20.120
and I want to give you an opportunity to do that.

438
00:26:20.120 --> 00:26:23.280
So let's think about whatever protective vows you may have.

439
00:26:23.280 --> 00:26:26.740
So many women say, I'll never let that happen to me again.

440
00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:30.100
What is your, I'll never let that happen to me again?

441
00:26:30.100 --> 00:26:32.500
So I'll make the statement and you fill it in.

442
00:26:32.500 --> 00:26:35.020
I'll never let this happen to me again.

443
00:26:37.340 --> 00:26:38.180
What did you hear?

444
00:26:38.180 --> 00:26:39.860
What was your never let happen again?

445
00:26:51.700 --> 00:26:54.260
And you can drop it in the chat if you want.

446
00:26:56.740 --> 00:26:57.560
All right.

447
00:27:15.060 --> 00:27:17.100
That's right, that'll make you feel when you don't want to.

448
00:27:17.100 --> 00:27:20.380
I'm telling you that, that make you feel so, whoa!

449
00:27:20.380 --> 00:27:25.380
Shira, Sheree, you done been gone so long,

450
00:27:27.420 --> 00:27:29.140
I'm gonna say your name wrong.

451
00:27:29.140 --> 00:27:31.740
I'm so happy to see your name pop up in this chat.

452
00:27:31.740 --> 00:27:32.780
Sorry, y'all.

453
00:27:32.780 --> 00:27:34.020
Emotionally dependent.

454
00:27:34.020 --> 00:27:36.360
I'll never let a man make me feel less than again.

455
00:27:36.360 --> 00:27:37.200
Yeah.

456
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:38.460
Flirt with other women again.

457
00:27:38.460 --> 00:27:40.340
I'll never choose him over me again.

458
00:27:40.340 --> 00:27:41.420
Wow.

459
00:27:41.420 --> 00:27:43.180
Be with another person that battle addiction

460
00:27:43.180 --> 00:27:45.140
because then they can't fall back anywhere.

461
00:27:45.140 --> 00:27:45.980
Reck me.

462
00:27:45.980 --> 00:27:46.800
Take poor treatment.

463
00:27:46.800 --> 00:27:47.640
Not under my boundaries.

464
00:27:47.640 --> 00:27:49.900
Not stressing that little man hurt me again.

465
00:27:50.020 --> 00:27:52.260
Good, good, good, good, good.

466
00:27:52.260 --> 00:27:53.940
Now I like all of these vows

467
00:27:53.940 --> 00:27:55.060
because they're all so real

468
00:27:55.060 --> 00:27:56.660
and you ladies can check them out

469
00:27:56.660 --> 00:28:00.020
and I can relate to a lot of them.

470
00:28:00.020 --> 00:28:03.540
Now, now that you, this is the vow that you made

471
00:28:03.540 --> 00:28:05.580
and you probably hold fast to that vow

472
00:28:05.580 --> 00:28:07.180
with everything in you

473
00:28:07.180 --> 00:28:10.780
because that vow is your truth.

474
00:28:10.780 --> 00:28:14.700
But I want you to think about the role you play

475
00:28:14.700 --> 00:28:16.420
in that situation.

476
00:28:17.260 --> 00:28:19.500
I didn't make my 25 minutes.

477
00:28:19.500 --> 00:28:22.300
I want you to think about your responsibility

478
00:28:22.300 --> 00:28:23.420
in that situation.

479
00:28:25.340 --> 00:28:27.420
And that I want you to post

480
00:28:27.420 --> 00:28:30.860
what you will never let yourself do again.

481
00:28:30.860 --> 00:28:34.020
Not about the man, but what you will,

482
00:28:34.020 --> 00:28:36.820
what boundary will you submit yourself to?

483
00:28:38.340 --> 00:28:43.340
So I will never allow myself to feel inadequate again.

484
00:28:44.040 --> 00:28:49.040
I will never allow myself to be absent of my value

485
00:28:53.260 --> 00:28:57.280
and worth, right?

486
00:29:00.900 --> 00:29:05.900
So we say, I'll never believe that I deserve treatment again

487
00:29:06.780 --> 00:29:09.980
or that I have to put up with lying and deceit.

488
00:29:09.980 --> 00:29:14.740
So then we make a new law that I'm gonna invest in myself

489
00:29:14.740 --> 00:29:17.740
so that I can understand my value in my work.

490
00:29:20.500 --> 00:29:21.900
How does this sound, Sarah?

491
00:29:27.980 --> 00:29:29.220
I'll never ignore my needs again.

492
00:29:29.220 --> 00:29:30.580
I'll never feel less than again.

493
00:29:30.580 --> 00:29:33.940
So I will say my needs are important

494
00:29:33.940 --> 00:29:35.460
and I will not ignore them.

495
00:29:37.580 --> 00:29:38.900
Because what happens is

496
00:29:38.900 --> 00:29:40.660
when you don't ignore your needs,

497
00:29:40.660 --> 00:29:42.060
you're gonna be amazed,

498
00:29:42.060 --> 00:29:43.300
people that come around you,

499
00:29:43.300 --> 00:29:44.780
they won't ignore your needs

500
00:29:46.060 --> 00:29:48.220
because you value your needs.

501
00:29:50.500 --> 00:29:52.020
I'll never not speak about it

502
00:29:52.020 --> 00:29:54.600
and bring it to the table, right?

503
00:29:54.600 --> 00:29:57.460
I will say, so what you will say for yourself,

504
00:29:57.460 --> 00:29:59.940
a law that you can create for yourself is,

505
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.420
I will honor the things that are true for me.

506
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:09.320
I will speak up for myself.

507
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:17.440
I will never allow myself not to have godly boundaries

508
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:19.120
in a relationship again.

509
00:30:19.120 --> 00:30:21.880
So then what that looks like is,

510
00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:25.640
I will submit to boundaries and order in my own life.

511
00:30:31.000 --> 00:30:34.000
I will never take my relationship for granted again.

512
00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:37.820
I will value the relationships in my life.

513
00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:41.360
I will value those that I love.

514
00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:45.840
I won't get engaged to pickle again,

515
00:30:45.840 --> 00:30:47.980
but we'll take the adequate time to get to know a man.

516
00:30:47.980 --> 00:30:49.520
I'm dating, so I can't evaluate

517
00:30:49.520 --> 00:30:51.760
if he has the values that I desire.

518
00:30:51.760 --> 00:30:52.600
That's right.

519
00:30:54.560 --> 00:30:56.580
Yeah, Lauren, yeah, that's it.

520
00:30:57.300 --> 00:31:00.900
I'll not kneel on my knees and use my voice to express them.

521
00:31:00.900 --> 00:31:02.460
Yeah.

522
00:31:02.460 --> 00:31:04.060
I'll wait for guys to talk to me first

523
00:31:04.060 --> 00:31:06.840
so that they don't pretend not to see me or know me.

524
00:31:08.660 --> 00:31:10.420
I will wait for guys to talk to me first

525
00:31:10.420 --> 00:31:13.420
so that they don't pretend not to see me on,

526
00:31:13.420 --> 00:31:15.620
okay, I see what you're saying, not to see you or know you.

527
00:31:15.620 --> 00:31:18.800
Like, act like they don't know you and they overlook you.

528
00:31:19.780 --> 00:31:21.100
Because they're trying to act like

529
00:31:21.100 --> 00:31:21.980
they don't see you or know you,

530
00:31:21.980 --> 00:31:23.660
but they do see you and know you.

531
00:31:27.580 --> 00:31:31.620
I will submit to boundaries and order my life.

532
00:31:31.620 --> 00:31:32.540
Yes.

533
00:31:32.540 --> 00:31:35.660
And so any of the ones that not to get attached too quickly

534
00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:38.500
and pace myself better, take things slower.

535
00:31:38.500 --> 00:31:39.340
Yeah.

536
00:31:39.340 --> 00:31:41.220
So I will honor pacing in my life

537
00:31:41.220 --> 00:31:44.900
because I understand that relationships take time.

538
00:31:45.900 --> 00:31:47.260
Yeah, all of these are good.

539
00:31:47.260 --> 00:31:48.580
And so all of these,

540
00:31:50.040 --> 00:31:54.260
yeah, so not being codependent or allow abuse.

541
00:31:54.260 --> 00:31:58.160
So I will no longer abuse myself through codependency.

542
00:32:00.700 --> 00:32:02.040
Okay.

543
00:32:02.040 --> 00:32:04.660
Never let a man hurt me like that again.

544
00:32:04.660 --> 00:32:08.580
I will not allow myself to be put in situations

545
00:32:09.780 --> 00:32:11.420
or I will not,

546
00:32:11.420 --> 00:32:14.500
I will guard my heart with all diligence

547
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:18.140
and be wise in the decisions that I make.

548
00:32:20.380 --> 00:32:23.340
Because when you say never let a man hurt me like that again,

549
00:32:23.340 --> 00:32:26.140
that's not, it's still putting on the man.

550
00:32:26.140 --> 00:32:27.820
I don't know what part we was on, but you,

551
00:32:27.820 --> 00:32:29.340
so we were trying to reverse this, right?

552
00:32:29.340 --> 00:32:33.660
You guys to take responsibility for ourselves, right?

553
00:32:33.660 --> 00:32:34.540
That's how we would say it.

554
00:32:34.540 --> 00:32:37.940
I was an empath and enabler, right?

555
00:32:37.940 --> 00:32:41.140
So that means I will submit to boundaries

556
00:32:41.140 --> 00:32:43.420
and order in my own life.

557
00:32:43.420 --> 00:32:45.480
The only way that we can be an enabler

558
00:32:45.480 --> 00:32:48.420
is if we don't hold our own selves accountable.

559
00:32:48.420 --> 00:32:49.500
See, when you're an enabler,

560
00:32:49.500 --> 00:32:50.820
you're not holding them accountable

561
00:32:50.900 --> 00:32:53.460
because you don't believe in accountability.

562
00:32:53.460 --> 00:32:55.820
Because if you believe in accountability for your own life,

563
00:32:55.820 --> 00:32:58.720
you will enforce accountability with everybody around you.

564
00:32:59.900 --> 00:33:02.220
As a matter of fact, you're never being an enabler to them

565
00:33:02.220 --> 00:33:06.540
because you value accountability, right?

566
00:33:06.540 --> 00:33:08.500
And so when we value accountability,

567
00:33:08.500 --> 00:33:09.820
we're not an enabler

568
00:33:09.820 --> 00:33:12.260
because we value and honor accountability.

569
00:33:12.260 --> 00:33:14.180
And we believe what's good for the gambler

570
00:33:14.180 --> 00:33:15.920
is good for the goose.

571
00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:16.760
Uh-huh.

572
00:33:16.760 --> 00:33:18.500
If it's good for me, it's good for you too.

573
00:33:18.500 --> 00:33:20.580
And that's just how it gonna go.

574
00:33:21.340 --> 00:33:22.180
All right, great.

575
00:33:22.180 --> 00:33:24.140
If I didn't get to, I'll talk about guard your heart

576
00:33:24.140 --> 00:33:25.980
seems like, uh-oh.

577
00:33:28.140 --> 00:33:30.580
Talk about guard your heart, it seems like building walls.

578
00:33:30.580 --> 00:33:33.300
So the Bible says to guard your heart with all diligence

579
00:33:33.300 --> 00:33:35.580
for out of it flows the issues of life.

580
00:33:35.580 --> 00:33:37.720
And we understand, and this is in your phase one,

581
00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:40.260
that the heart is an instrument of belief.

582
00:33:40.260 --> 00:33:41.620
And that's why the Lord tells us,

583
00:33:41.620 --> 00:33:43.100
one of the reasons why he tells us

584
00:33:43.100 --> 00:33:44.540
to guard it with all diligence,

585
00:33:44.540 --> 00:33:47.740
because whatever you drop in there is going to,

586
00:33:47.740 --> 00:33:49.500
it's a seed, it goes into the heart

587
00:33:49.500 --> 00:33:50.740
and the heart just nourishes.

588
00:33:50.740 --> 00:33:52.660
It doesn't know the difference.

589
00:33:52.660 --> 00:33:54.820
The heart don't say this right, this wrong.

590
00:33:54.820 --> 00:33:56.860
That's why you can pick up things in your childhood.

591
00:33:56.860 --> 00:33:58.820
A child will believe anything you tell them.

592
00:33:58.820 --> 00:33:59.660
You could tell them,

593
00:33:59.660 --> 00:34:01.260
I can't see you behind that pole right there.

594
00:34:01.260 --> 00:34:02.560
And they will believe you.

595
00:34:03.940 --> 00:34:04.780
They have a belief.

596
00:34:04.780 --> 00:34:06.360
All of us have beliefs.

597
00:34:06.360 --> 00:34:08.820
The heart, it's a belief system.

598
00:34:08.820 --> 00:34:09.980
And so that's why the Lord says,

599
00:34:09.980 --> 00:34:12.100
guard your heart with all diligence.

600
00:34:12.100 --> 00:34:14.580
Don't just let anything come in and out.

601
00:34:14.580 --> 00:34:17.580
Don't just let anybody speak something into your life.

602
00:34:17.580 --> 00:34:19.780
Don't grab a hold to whatever you hear.

603
00:34:19.780 --> 00:34:20.820
Guard your heart.

604
00:34:20.820 --> 00:34:23.139
Don't hand it over on a platter.

605
00:34:24.460 --> 00:34:26.139
Don't go and sit down at the table

606
00:34:26.139 --> 00:34:28.100
and spill your pearl before swine.

607
00:34:28.100 --> 00:34:30.580
The Bible says they may trample over it.

608
00:34:31.420 --> 00:34:33.260
Guard your heart without diligence.

609
00:34:33.260 --> 00:34:35.940
So it's a difference between guarding our heart

610
00:34:35.940 --> 00:34:37.420
and building walls.

611
00:34:37.420 --> 00:34:38.580
All right?

612
00:34:38.580 --> 00:34:39.420
So,

613
00:34:43.300 --> 00:34:45.020
we talked about that.

614
00:34:45.020 --> 00:34:46.860
It's something, yeah.

615
00:34:46.860 --> 00:34:48.620
So we're making the shift.

616
00:34:48.620 --> 00:34:50.860
So it says, what was I believing about myself?

617
00:34:50.860 --> 00:34:52.780
What was I believing about him?

618
00:34:52.780 --> 00:34:54.460
What was I believing about God?

619
00:34:54.460 --> 00:34:56.659
And what was I believing about love?

620
00:34:56.659 --> 00:34:58.980
And I want us to answer these two questions.

621
00:34:58.980 --> 00:35:00.020
I want to know.

622
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.760
What do you believe about God as it pertains to your love story?

623
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:08.360
So what do I mean by that?

624
00:35:08.360 --> 00:35:14.240
Do you believe deep down in your heart that, uh, I don't really know if God wants me married,

625
00:35:14.240 --> 00:35:15.240
right?

626
00:35:15.240 --> 00:35:17.920
I know what we're believing for, right?

627
00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:21.720
We're in this program, we're getting, we're getting ramped up, but what do you believe

628
00:35:21.720 --> 00:35:22.720
about God?

629
00:35:22.720 --> 00:35:25.060
Do you believe he's invested in you?

630
00:35:25.060 --> 00:35:27.580
Do you believe he wants to see you married?

631
00:35:27.580 --> 00:35:30.640
Do you believe he has that for you?

632
00:35:30.640 --> 00:35:34.640
What do you believe about God in your love story?

633
00:35:34.640 --> 00:35:41.040
Good girl, that's good.

634
00:35:41.040 --> 00:35:47.080
Because sometimes you say to yourself, you know, like, Oh no, my Lord, I don't know if

635
00:35:47.080 --> 00:35:54.320
he has marriage for me yet.

636
00:35:54.320 --> 00:35:57.200
Anybody else have any thoughts about that?

637
00:35:57.200 --> 00:36:00.200
I want to believe he does, but I get discouraged.

638
00:36:00.200 --> 00:36:01.200
That's a big one.

639
00:36:01.200 --> 00:36:03.200
After waiting for so long, it's tempting to believe that marriage might not happen.

640
00:36:03.200 --> 00:36:06.040
I sometimes believe that God isn't sure if I should be married or not.

641
00:36:06.040 --> 00:36:07.040
Sometimes I do believe he's preparing me though.

642
00:36:07.040 --> 00:36:08.040
I believe the Lord does want me to be married again.

643
00:36:08.040 --> 00:36:14.800
I do believe that's something for me, but I'm impatient and feel bad about it.

644
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:16.760
Don't feel bad about it, Rosanna.

645
00:36:16.760 --> 00:36:17.800
It's a part of the process.

646
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:22.320
I wonder sometimes he hears about me, about my desires for marriage, because I have been

647
00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:26.920
waiting so long, planning my life, including marriage and family.

648
00:36:26.920 --> 00:36:31.680
It's been difficult to believe he has marriage for me, I believe, but I want the tracking

649
00:36:31.680 --> 00:36:32.680
number.

650
00:36:32.680 --> 00:36:33.680
Come on.

651
00:36:33.680 --> 00:36:34.680
Tracking number.

652
00:36:34.680 --> 00:36:35.680
Everybody wants the tracking number.

653
00:36:35.680 --> 00:36:39.920
I want to believe he has something wonderful for me.

654
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:43.400
This waiting season is hard and I get discouraged.

655
00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:47.920
These things are also true, and these are the things that are operating and running

656
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:49.680
in the back of our program, right?

657
00:36:49.680 --> 00:36:54.000
That's why you ladies keep pushing, keep going after it, keep showing back up, keep smiling,

658
00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:58.640
keep being motivated, keep being encouraged, and all of this is part of the journey when

659
00:36:58.640 --> 00:37:02.040
you're walking with God and we're seeing your God defend you.

660
00:37:02.040 --> 00:37:06.040
So do you see all the moving pieces that's happening?

661
00:37:06.040 --> 00:37:10.560
Like these are a lot of things happening all at the same time, and they are really, really

662
00:37:10.560 --> 00:37:11.560
happening.

663
00:37:11.560 --> 00:37:15.960
And so that's why I say, don't beat yourself up.

664
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:22.920
I tell myself this so much, Ebony, be a student, Ebony, be a student, not be Ebony, you are

665
00:37:22.920 --> 00:37:24.120
a student.

666
00:37:24.120 --> 00:37:25.480
You are a student.

667
00:37:25.480 --> 00:37:26.720
You are a student.

668
00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:29.000
The father sees you as a student.

669
00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:30.640
You are a student.

670
00:37:30.640 --> 00:37:31.920
You are learning.

671
00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:39.120
And I do that intentionally so that I will not withhold grace from myself.

672
00:37:39.120 --> 00:37:41.200
This process is very challenging.

673
00:37:41.200 --> 00:37:45.360
And most of the reasons why the process is very challenging is because it requires so

674
00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:50.360
much of you.

675
00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:52.760
It requires growth.

676
00:37:52.760 --> 00:37:58.040
It requires shedding off of things that will hinder you, not just from a marriage, but

677
00:37:58.040 --> 00:38:01.280
they've been hindering you in life.

678
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:05.400
And this is the faith walk.

679
00:38:05.400 --> 00:38:07.600
And there's a reason why you show up here.

680
00:38:07.600 --> 00:38:12.080
It's because you want heaven's best, because you tried your best and it just don't work.

681
00:38:12.080 --> 00:38:13.240
It's not good enough.

682
00:38:13.240 --> 00:38:17.720
You want something more and there's something more is required of you.

683
00:38:17.720 --> 00:38:24.040
And so, yes, it can be a very challenging, challenging process.

684
00:38:24.040 --> 00:38:27.240
And so what we're going to do is we're going to shift into

685
00:38:27.240 --> 00:38:47.240
I really want to touch on that.

686
00:38:47.240 --> 00:38:50.360
Okay.

687
00:38:50.360 --> 00:38:54.160
I'm going to post some activations and we kind of already did it together is where you

688
00:38:54.160 --> 00:38:55.160
take the old vow.

689
00:38:56.160 --> 00:38:57.160
I can't trust me.

690
00:38:57.160 --> 00:38:58.160
And then you're going to do a new truth.

691
00:38:58.160 --> 00:38:59.160
And we just did that.

692
00:38:59.160 --> 00:39:05.120
I kind of said the truth out to you, but I'm going to also post these in the activation

693
00:39:05.120 --> 00:39:06.120
for the week.

694
00:39:06.120 --> 00:39:10.480
So that as some come up, you can renounce that old vow and adopt a new truth.

695
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:12.840
Now, this is what I want us to do.

696
00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:17.240
I want to do a faith shift.

697
00:39:17.240 --> 00:39:21.560
Because these are the things we're believing your doubt, sometimes doubt, disbelief, unbelief,

698
00:39:21.560 --> 00:39:22.560
sabotage.

699
00:39:22.560 --> 00:39:23.560
These things are real.

700
00:39:23.560 --> 00:39:24.560
And they're real for all of us.

701
00:39:24.560 --> 00:39:26.080
At some point or another.

702
00:39:26.080 --> 00:39:29.400
You may start out running with the horses and you get tired, especially if you get on

703
00:39:29.400 --> 00:39:30.400
them data app, baby.

704
00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:31.400
These things will set you down.

705
00:39:31.400 --> 00:39:38.360
But, you know, and then you try to gather yourself back together and keep going.

706
00:39:38.360 --> 00:39:40.200
Or even your own self.

707
00:39:40.200 --> 00:39:44.760
A lot of us, because of our vows, we disqualify ourselves.

708
00:39:44.760 --> 00:39:50.160
Do you know that some of us make vows that says, oh, he'll come when he comes, but you're

709
00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:53.560
not really ever expecting him to come.

710
00:39:53.560 --> 00:39:54.560
It's true.

711
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:56.960
Did you just say it?

712
00:39:56.960 --> 00:39:57.960
Yeah.

713
00:39:57.960 --> 00:39:59.960
You know, it'll work.

714
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.560
this, it or that.

715
00:40:01.560 --> 00:40:04.320
And sometimes those are self-defense,

716
00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:06.240
you're defending yourself, you're protecting yourself,

717
00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:07.080
you're guarding yourself

718
00:40:07.080 --> 00:40:08.720
because you don't have really any intentions

719
00:40:08.720 --> 00:40:10.140
of ever stepping out

720
00:40:10.140 --> 00:40:12.440
if you had to tell the truth about yourself.

721
00:40:13.840 --> 00:40:17.680
And so those are also ways of self-defense as well.

722
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:19.560
And so this is what we're gonna do.

723
00:40:19.560 --> 00:40:23.460
We wanna shift to everything's coming early.

724
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:26.840
I just wanted to get to this slide.

725
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:28.920
Everything is coming early.

726
00:40:28.920 --> 00:40:31.600
So everything we put on here is everything coming late.

727
00:40:31.600 --> 00:40:33.000
It ain't happening.

728
00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:33.960
You know that song,

729
00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:37.360
be coming around the mountain when it comes.

730
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:38.680
Come on around this mountain.

731
00:40:38.680 --> 00:40:40.320
Why you gotta come around a mountain?

732
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:42.240
Can you just go up a little hill?

733
00:40:42.240 --> 00:40:43.280
Come on here.

734
00:40:43.280 --> 00:40:45.400
All right, so tonight we wanna shift.

735
00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:49.440
We wanna shift to everything is coming early.

736
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:50.260
So,

737
00:40:55.800 --> 00:40:58.400
the example that we have here is,

738
00:40:58.800 --> 00:41:00.840
this is so much fun.

739
00:41:00.840 --> 00:41:02.040
Everything's coming early.

740
00:41:02.040 --> 00:41:04.600
Not later, not eventually,

741
00:41:04.600 --> 00:41:06.760
not when you feel perfectly ready.

742
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:08.600
You're not gonna be perfectly ready.

743
00:41:08.600 --> 00:41:10.400
You gotta get married, make your mother hold it

744
00:41:10.400 --> 00:41:12.480
and make you happy ladies, right?

745
00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:14.720
So it's not later, not eventually.

746
00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:17.360
And we say in one of my intercessory prayer groups,

747
00:41:17.360 --> 00:41:18.880
we're not next, we're now.

748
00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:21.800
We're not tomorrow, we're today, okay?

749
00:41:21.800 --> 00:41:22.640
All right?

750
00:41:22.640 --> 00:41:24.760
And we always say my case will be different.

751
00:41:24.760 --> 00:41:26.400
So this is what we're gonna do.

752
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:29.400
The principle is the Lazarus principle.

753
00:41:29.400 --> 00:41:31.880
So when Jesus arrived, everyone thought it was too late.

754
00:41:31.880 --> 00:41:34.960
They said, if you had have come earlier,

755
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:37.640
if you had have showed up, my brother wouldn't have died.

756
00:41:37.640 --> 00:41:40.040
That's what the sister said to Jesus.

757
00:41:40.040 --> 00:41:42.760
He says, but I am what?

758
00:41:42.760 --> 00:41:44.760
The resurrection in life.

759
00:41:45.840 --> 00:41:48.400
And so that's what I'm speaking over you ladies tonight.

760
00:41:48.400 --> 00:41:51.120
That Jesus is the resurrection in life.

761
00:41:51.120 --> 00:41:54.520
And he did not have to come any earlier than today.

762
00:41:54.520 --> 00:41:56.080
He did not have to.

763
00:41:56.760 --> 00:41:58.680
He didn't need to.

764
00:41:58.680 --> 00:42:01.120
You're not next, you are now.

765
00:42:01.120 --> 00:42:03.040
And so this is what we're gonna do.

766
00:42:03.040 --> 00:42:05.080
Not someday, not eventually.

767
00:42:05.080 --> 00:42:06.880
You know that not eventually is for the people

768
00:42:06.880 --> 00:42:10.880
who guard themselves with, oh, it'll come, it'll come.

769
00:42:10.880 --> 00:42:11.720
Right?

770
00:42:11.720 --> 00:42:14.960
So right now, Lazarus was dead.

771
00:42:14.960 --> 00:42:18.240
He was dead, dead, like his body stink, right?

772
00:42:18.240 --> 00:42:21.440
And then, and that's the kind of situation

773
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:22.640
people just stop believing.

774
00:42:22.640 --> 00:42:24.600
There are areas in our life that are dead

775
00:42:24.640 --> 00:42:25.880
and people just stop believing.

776
00:42:25.880 --> 00:42:26.920
It's very true.

777
00:42:26.920 --> 00:42:28.920
And we're gonna get an opportunity for you ladies

778
00:42:28.920 --> 00:42:30.840
to start digging through some of those dead areas

779
00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:31.680
in your life.

780
00:42:31.680 --> 00:42:32.520
It's not just marriage.

781
00:42:32.520 --> 00:42:34.440
We have things that have died in us

782
00:42:34.440 --> 00:42:36.120
that the Lord wants to bring back to life.

783
00:42:36.120 --> 00:42:37.480
And I want you to hold to those.

784
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:38.720
And I want you to think about them.

785
00:42:38.720 --> 00:42:42.200
Things that are dead in you that need to come back to life.

786
00:42:42.200 --> 00:42:44.040
You're not next, you're right now.

787
00:42:44.040 --> 00:42:46.520
We're talking about the resurrection in the life, okay?

788
00:42:46.520 --> 00:42:51.520
So what have you labeled too late, too broken,

789
00:42:52.600 --> 00:42:54.560
not happening anytime soon?

790
00:42:55.400 --> 00:42:56.520
I know some of us put marriage in there.

791
00:42:56.520 --> 00:42:59.760
Well, what else have you labeled too late, too broken?

792
00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:06.640
Having kids.

793
00:43:11.960 --> 00:43:13.480
Having children.

794
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:14.440
Yes.

795
00:43:14.440 --> 00:43:15.520
Being a mom.

796
00:43:15.520 --> 00:43:16.360
Yeah.

797
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:18.880
First three, wow.

798
00:43:18.880 --> 00:43:21.440
Consequence of past mistakes and foolish decisions made.

799
00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:22.920
Okay.

800
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:23.760
Debt.

801
00:43:25.480 --> 00:43:26.320
My, my, my.

802
00:43:27.440 --> 00:43:29.480
What's your dream job, Abby?

803
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:32.520
Having a marriage where we can spend a few years

804
00:43:32.520 --> 00:43:34.440
getting to know each other before having kids.

805
00:43:34.440 --> 00:43:35.560
You gotta make babies soon.

806
00:43:35.560 --> 00:43:36.480
You mean get married.

807
00:43:36.480 --> 00:43:37.320
I do.

808
00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:38.760
Get me pregnant.

809
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:39.600
Oh!

810
00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:45.240
Oh, figuring out when you're gonna walk in your calling.

811
00:43:47.000 --> 00:43:48.600
Yeah.

812
00:43:48.600 --> 00:43:49.440
What else?

813
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:50.520
Too late, too broken.

814
00:43:52.920 --> 00:43:53.760
Okay.

815
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:01.040
Being an audio book reader.

816
00:44:01.040 --> 00:44:03.160
Oh, you can start that tomorrow.

817
00:44:03.160 --> 00:44:04.640
I've seen the process.

818
00:44:06.240 --> 00:44:07.240
Health.

819
00:44:07.240 --> 00:44:09.480
Your health is too late, too broken, okay?

820
00:44:13.520 --> 00:44:16.000
Some of us, it may be our confidence, our openness,

821
00:44:16.000 --> 00:44:20.160
our hope for love, higher annual income, okay?

822
00:44:21.120 --> 00:44:22.760
To meet a quality man.

823
00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:24.440
Being a mom.

824
00:44:24.440 --> 00:44:26.080
You know, Jackie always says,

825
00:44:26.080 --> 00:44:27.600
it's like, how do I get started?

826
00:44:27.600 --> 00:44:29.080
I know.

827
00:44:29.080 --> 00:44:30.680
Doing what God has called me to do.

828
00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:33.440
She always says that you can always be a mom.

829
00:44:34.720 --> 00:44:35.920
It's true.

830
00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:39.920
I believe that there's always a child who wants a mother.

831
00:44:41.640 --> 00:44:43.840
We have lots of them.

832
00:44:43.840 --> 00:44:45.360
Meet a man that loves God.

833
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:47.760
Wow, relationship with my younger brother.

834
00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:48.600
Okay.

835
00:44:48.600 --> 00:44:51.200
There's always a child that wants a mother.

836
00:44:51.200 --> 00:44:54.280
I believe that a mother is not a person

837
00:44:54.280 --> 00:44:56.360
that pushes out a baby.

838
00:44:56.360 --> 00:44:58.400
There are lots of women who push that babies

839
00:44:58.400 --> 00:44:59.800
and those same children.

840
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.880
a mother so what does that tell me just because you make a baby it doesn't make you a mother

841
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:12.240
but it comes with a heart it comes with character it comes with the dna makeup of a woman a woman

842
00:45:12.240 --> 00:45:17.920
carries the makeup of a mother the dna of a mother she does not have the birth of baby to be a mother

843
00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:26.720
okay spiritual mothers are mentioned in the bible find a travel partner oh killer i travel with you

844
00:45:27.680 --> 00:45:33.840
i'm just messing with you i just want to see you laugh ah all right all right so

845
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:40.320
all of these things we believe are too late too broken never gonna happen what happens in these

846
00:45:40.320 --> 00:45:46.160
situations will create laws that protect us right because of all of these broken places but what

847
00:45:46.160 --> 00:45:51.040
happens is you actually lower your expectations and that's what you're saying that'll never happen

848
00:45:51.040 --> 00:45:59.200
for me so you lower the expectation all right so what we want you to do we want you to surrender

849
00:45:59.200 --> 00:46:07.600
you're too late you're too nervous and not gonna happen to the lord and whatever those things are

850
00:46:07.600 --> 00:46:14.000
i want you to declare over them so finding a travel take finding a travel partner jesus

851
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:17.360
is the resurrection in life and i believe that he will resurrect this for me

852
00:46:18.320 --> 00:46:24.720
and i know that sounds simple but your heart needs to hear that jesus is the resurrection

853
00:46:24.720 --> 00:46:31.200
in life and he wants to bring life to dead things in your life and if you've been allowing them to

854
00:46:31.200 --> 00:46:38.880
lay there and be dead take this invitation to call life into them you know the lord asked um

855
00:46:39.360 --> 00:46:47.040
um ezekiel in a vision was it ezekiel yeah i mean elijah wait a minute let me get my bible stuff

856
00:46:47.040 --> 00:46:58.400
together

857
00:46:59.360 --> 00:46:59.360


858
00:47:00.800 --> 00:47:06.000
yeah ezekiel sorry so you're asking you know what these dry bones he said lord

859
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:07.920
thou know us give me one second

860
00:47:17.680 --> 00:47:22.800
all right he asked him do you with these dry bones listen he said lord thou know us and the lord told

861
00:47:22.800 --> 00:47:28.160
him to speak to the bones and the bible says that the bones begin to connect right and he says

862
00:47:28.240 --> 00:47:33.280
lord he asked him another question the lord says speak to the wind so their breath will come into

863
00:47:33.280 --> 00:47:37.920
them we know that the lord that that represented the house of israel right and the lord bringing

864
00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:43.440
them back together but i'm speaking i want you to speak over the dry bones and the dead bones

865
00:47:43.440 --> 00:47:49.280
in every dead place in your life and speak to the wind you be the wind let the words that come out of

866
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:58.240
your mouth be the breath that blows life into them it ain't no need to live with dead things

867
00:48:01.200 --> 00:48:04.000
your spiritual womb is not a graveyard

868
00:48:08.480 --> 00:48:14.400
there are no graveyards on the inside of you only life flows from you

869
00:48:14.720 --> 00:48:21.520
so grab your things and begin to speak over them say i speak to you and i say live

870
00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:31.520
i will be a mother that's not a declaration of if hopeful there is nothing in the world

871
00:48:31.520 --> 00:48:36.480
stopping you from being a mother is nothing in the world stopping you from great getting a greater

872
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:42.400
income there are so many ideas out here that the lord can drop in your mind there's so many things

873
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:45.440
can drop in your mind there's so many things you can put your hands to

874
00:48:47.040 --> 00:48:52.400
if there's a look you don't have a purpose you were born with purpose

875
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:59.360
and the lord is more excited to reveal it to you then you want to know that's true

876
00:49:02.560 --> 00:49:06.000
right so are we i hope we're doing that

877
00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:14.000
so

878
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:26.000
did anybody speak over their stuff that's why i was waiting so put some of your

879
00:49:26.000 --> 00:49:30.960
put some of your declarations in the chat i want to see what you're saying to to your issues now

880
00:49:32.880 --> 00:49:38.160
to your dead things that you're calling back to life go ahead and make one good strong breath

881
00:49:38.160 --> 00:49:41.840
give give a good breath to it what would your breath speak to your dead things

882
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:55.760
you're going to be the wind what is your wind speaking to the dead things in your life

883
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.000
Yes, they did.

884
00:50:01.000 --> 00:50:06.000
They did say it was not too late.

885
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:07.160
Rise up.

886
00:50:07.160 --> 00:50:08.880
I am a wife.

887
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:10.640
Your story is not over.

888
00:50:10.640 --> 00:50:12.920
I declare that I will be a wife and a mother.

889
00:50:12.920 --> 00:50:16.640
I declare that I'm financially free and living in my purpose.

890
00:50:16.640 --> 00:50:17.640
That's right.

891
00:50:17.640 --> 00:50:20.320
Oh, I can feel the wind.

892
00:50:20.320 --> 00:50:21.320
Come alive.

893
00:50:21.320 --> 00:50:23.200
The Lord is preparing me to meet my spirit mate.

894
00:50:23.200 --> 00:50:24.200
Yes, he is.

895
00:50:24.200 --> 00:50:27.640
I declare and decree that the heavens are open over my finances and future marriage

896
00:50:27.640 --> 00:50:29.120
in Jesus name.

897
00:50:29.120 --> 00:50:31.080
I'm aligning myself with God.

898
00:50:31.080 --> 00:50:34.080
Yes, it's going fast now, but these are all good.

899
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:35.080
It's only the beginning.

900
00:50:35.080 --> 00:50:36.080
You know, I thought about this song.

901
00:50:36.080 --> 00:50:44.320
I don't know if y'all know, but it says, we've only just begun.

902
00:50:44.320 --> 00:50:47.440
The romance is not over.

903
00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:50.560
I got a lot, a lot of love to give.

904
00:50:50.560 --> 00:50:51.560
Have y'all heard this song before?

905
00:50:51.560 --> 00:50:52.560
It's an old song.

906
00:50:52.560 --> 00:50:58.000
I want y'all to find that song and sing it over your issues.

907
00:50:58.000 --> 00:50:59.480
We've only just begun.

908
00:50:59.480 --> 00:51:01.240
The romance is not over.

909
00:51:01.240 --> 00:51:06.320
I got a lot, a lot of love to give.

910
00:51:06.320 --> 00:51:11.120
And I believe that the Lord is speaking that over you all that you've only just begun.

911
00:51:11.120 --> 00:51:12.760
The romance is not over.

912
00:51:12.760 --> 00:51:18.720
You may apply it to a marriage and it's wonderful, but the Lord has a love story with you.

913
00:51:18.720 --> 00:51:22.560
He is committed to you.

914
00:51:22.560 --> 00:51:25.440
You only just begun.

915
00:51:25.440 --> 00:51:28.640
This romance of you is not over.

916
00:51:28.640 --> 00:51:32.160
He has so much love to give to you.

917
00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:36.000
So much things to bring to life.

918
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:39.280
I remember one time the Lord told me, he said, go look in the mirror.

919
00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:44.880
Oh, when you see the plans I have on you, when you see the designs, the way I created

920
00:51:44.880 --> 00:51:45.880
you, Oh mama.

921
00:51:45.880 --> 00:51:53.280
And I could hear him laughing like, you just don't know how I made you.

922
00:51:53.280 --> 00:51:55.600
And I want to declare that over you.

923
00:51:55.600 --> 00:51:59.720
I'm the one speaking an incredible calling to help women and an incredible man who will

924
00:51:59.720 --> 00:52:01.640
love me and my little babies.

925
00:52:01.640 --> 00:52:02.640
That's right.

926
00:52:02.640 --> 00:52:05.680
Financial abundance to be a blessing and lots of joy and laughter.

927
00:52:05.680 --> 00:52:07.680
Good, good, good, good, good.

928
00:52:07.680 --> 00:52:08.680
Oh, thank you.

929
00:52:08.680 --> 00:52:09.680
I miss my calling in life, huh?

930
00:52:09.680 --> 00:52:10.680
Oh, I speak life and hope over my situation.

931
00:52:10.680 --> 00:52:11.680
I clearly, I still have good and godly marriage and children.

932
00:52:11.680 --> 00:52:12.680
Yes.

933
00:52:13.680 --> 00:52:27.880
Oh, you ladies listen.

934
00:52:27.880 --> 00:52:33.200
I know it seems impossible, but marriage is the light thing to the Lord.

935
00:52:33.200 --> 00:52:39.160
And the most challenging thing is us growing on the journey sometimes.

936
00:52:40.160 --> 00:52:43.280
I'm a wife who will be happily married to my husband.

937
00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:44.280
Yes.

938
00:52:44.280 --> 00:52:46.880
I'm a mother to children that I get to have raised in our home.

939
00:52:46.880 --> 00:52:47.880
God makes me able.

940
00:52:47.880 --> 00:52:51.440
God is the one who goes with me into relationship and marriage.

941
00:52:51.440 --> 00:52:53.720
He's always with me.

942
00:52:53.720 --> 00:52:54.720
Amen.

943
00:52:54.720 --> 00:53:02.680
And so, especially us, you know, a lot of times, ladies who we do want children, you

944
00:53:02.680 --> 00:53:08.280
know, we do, you know, let's not have a law working in us that we might necessarily might

945
00:53:08.280 --> 00:53:13.640
not want a husband that's already had children or he may have grandchildren that you get

946
00:53:13.640 --> 00:53:14.640
to raise.

947
00:53:14.640 --> 00:53:16.640
You never know what could happen to their parents.

948
00:53:16.640 --> 00:53:20.800
And now they get to be in your custody and they're yours forever.

949
00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:22.600
The father can work things.

950
00:53:22.600 --> 00:53:28.720
He is the source of all resources.

951
00:53:28.720 --> 00:53:31.440
It's just, it's just never, it's just never too late.

952
00:53:31.440 --> 00:53:37.440
So let's, let me take, okay.

953
00:53:38.440 --> 00:53:39.440
All right.

954
00:53:42.440 --> 00:53:44.440
So I'm going to declare this over you all.

955
00:53:44.440 --> 00:53:47.440
My breakthrough is coming early.

956
00:53:47.440 --> 00:53:53.440
I break agreement with delay and God is moving sooner than I expected.

957
00:53:55.440 --> 00:53:56.440
All right.

958
00:53:56.440 --> 00:53:57.440
Now repeat after me.

959
00:53:57.440 --> 00:53:59.440
My breakthrough is coming early.

960
00:54:02.440 --> 00:54:04.440
I break agreement with delay.

961
00:54:07.440 --> 00:54:10.440
And God is moving sooner than I expected.

962
00:54:13.440 --> 00:54:15.440
Oh, wait, they just do some to me.

963
00:54:15.440 --> 00:54:17.440
So that's over your finances.

964
00:54:17.440 --> 00:54:18.440
That's over your marriage.

965
00:54:18.440 --> 00:54:20.440
That's over your motherhood.

966
00:54:20.440 --> 00:54:24.440
You never know how God will place children in different places under your care to be

967
00:54:24.440 --> 00:54:25.440
their mother.

968
00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:30.440
One of my little boys in school, he, he's, he didn't have a mother.

969
00:54:30.440 --> 00:54:36.440
You know, I work with a lot of Hispanics and a lot of times they just cross over the border

970
00:54:36.440 --> 00:54:38.440
or their parents, they'll get enough money.

971
00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:39.440
They'll come with the data.

972
00:54:39.440 --> 00:54:43.440
Come, he'll get enough money to bring the son or the children over, but the mother will

973
00:54:43.440 --> 00:54:45.440
still be in the other country.

974
00:54:45.440 --> 00:54:50.440
And I had a little boy in third grade and he was just, it's hard for a little boy with

975
00:54:50.440 --> 00:54:51.440
not having a mama.

976
00:54:51.440 --> 00:54:56.440
And he was just, he had a lot of behavior issues because he missed his mom.

977
00:54:56.440 --> 00:54:58.440
And so I had been praying for him and praying for him.

978
00:54:58.440 --> 00:54:59.440
And one day he came home.

979
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.720
the room, you know, I said, I told him, I said, you know, it's normal for you to hurt because you

980
00:55:04.720 --> 00:55:10.640
don't have a mom. You're actually supposed to be angry because it's an injustice. It's wrong.

981
00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:18.400
God never made you not to have a mommy here with you. I said, but I have a proposal. Sometimes

982
00:55:18.400 --> 00:55:26.000
God will give us people in the meantime to keep a good watch over us and to be for us what we need.

983
00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:33.040
And I was wanting to know if I could fill in for your mom until she can step in for herself.

984
00:55:33.840 --> 00:55:42.800
And then little boy looked at me with tears in his eyes and he said, yes. And he, he, he had so

985
00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:49.040
many anger issues, so upset, but he said yes to me. And I was just praising the Lord because I was so

986
00:55:49.040 --> 00:55:57.040
nervous to say that to him, but it's things like that. You know, we can not, um, can I miss the

987
00:55:57.040 --> 00:56:03.680
hand of God and how he's using us to be a mother. I have lots of students who don't have mothers.

988
00:56:04.640 --> 00:56:12.000
I intentionally so into them not to take the place of their mother, but to stand in the gap

989
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:16.640
until their mother comes or while they are with me, they will know a mother

990
00:56:17.600 --> 00:56:25.520
and her name is miss Jones. And I am very intentional. I am very intentional to mother them.

991
00:56:26.640 --> 00:56:32.880
I'm very intentional to show them that the kingdom of God is near. I'm very intentional for them to

992
00:56:32.880 --> 00:56:37.920
see what it's like to be with Jesus because they get to be with Jesus through me. And so

993
00:56:38.960 --> 00:56:44.960
the Lord is working these things out all around us, all around us, all around us. So

994
00:56:47.120 --> 00:56:53.360
Lord help us release self-defense, release self-defense and fear-based vows. You'll get a

995
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:57.680
chance through this week to deal with some more of your fear-based vows. Teach us to trust you

996
00:56:57.680 --> 00:57:04.400
as our protector, restore our expectation, show us how to walk in confidence, truth, and openness

997
00:57:04.400 --> 00:57:14.640
for the love you have for us in Jesus name. Amen. Yeah. Being God defended is one of the

998
00:57:14.640 --> 00:57:21.920
most beautiful things you can ever be. And I'm saying this because you feel the safest

999
00:57:21.920 --> 00:57:29.600
when you're God defended. You trust yourself. You feel safe with you when you're God defended.

1000
00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:35.280
When you learn how to submit to boundaries and order, you feel safe.

1001
00:57:38.400 --> 00:57:44.080
And feeling safe is a wonderful way to feel because you trust God because he's the one

1002
00:57:44.080 --> 00:57:48.880
that's helping you and you trust that God is defending you and that all is well for you.

1003
00:57:48.880 --> 00:57:53.760
And all of a sudden you realize that you can't be bamboozled, tricked ever again.

1004
00:57:53.760 --> 00:57:58.080
You really cannot. You realize that nothing happens without your agreement.

1005
00:57:59.440 --> 00:58:05.520
Nothing happens without your approval. Nothing can happen in your life without your agreement.

1006
00:58:05.520 --> 00:58:16.880
That is the absolute truth. Yeah. All right. Susan, how do you be God defended in single

1007
00:58:16.880 --> 00:58:22.640
mother profile writing? Um, Kathleen, raise your hand and you can ask me that. Um,

1008
00:58:23.600 --> 00:58:30.160
after Susan, go for it, Susan. Me, or is there another Susan on here?

1009
00:58:31.120 --> 00:58:41.600
Susan. Nope. Okay. No, but that's okay. No, I can say my name. My name's German,

1010
00:58:41.600 --> 00:58:46.240
so no one can say mine. It's like Knaka, but I don't even say it like that. I just, I say like

1011
00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:53.600
Knoak. Yeah. Whatever. No. Okay. Yeah. So,

1012
00:58:56.400 --> 00:59:03.280
so we want to talk about the, what happened, right? Yeah. I don't know if there's like,

1013
00:59:03.280 --> 00:59:08.240
you said you wanted to say something to me in person or whatever. And so, so this,

1014
00:59:08.240 --> 00:59:14.640
the issue that Susan had and she posted it was that, um, or she tried to post it was that, um,

1015
00:59:14.640 --> 00:59:19.360
there was a misunderstanding between her and someone that she was getting to know, um, over

1016
00:59:19.360 --> 00:59:26.160
the dating app. Um, based all on one question, how did she deal with long distance dating? This was

1017
00:59:26.160 --> 00:59:32.160
a very important question. Um, Susan, um, responded to him and saying, Hey, let's just have a phone

1018
00:59:32.160 --> 00:59:38.560
call. And then he was like, he, um, he basically said to her that she was ignoring him and she

1019
00:59:38.560 --> 00:59:48.320
overlooked him. And that was true. In my opinion, when I looked at the messages, um, but, um, Susan

1020
00:59:48.320 --> 00:59:53.280
feels like she was just practicing what she learned and she was just practicing what she learned.

1021
00:59:53.280 --> 00:59:59.360
And what happened was it was just, um, misunderstanding. So when you read things,

1022
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.240
things differently. When I read it, I read it like, tell me your experience, not tell me your

1023
01:00:04.240 --> 01:00:10.240
relationship. But because you're on guard against it and you don't want to start sharing your

1024
01:00:10.240 --> 01:00:15.520
relationships and you're like, no, I'm not going to do that again. That's what you processed it as.

1025
01:00:16.240 --> 01:00:21.120
And sometimes you can go back and look, I like read something one time and got so angry and

1026
01:00:21.120 --> 01:00:25.520
then went back three hours later and I was like, he didn't even really say that. I don't even know

1027
01:00:25.520 --> 01:00:32.320
why I got so upset. I've done it so many times and it's like, what happens? It's almost like

1028
01:00:32.320 --> 01:00:36.560
sometimes, and I'm not saying this happened to you, your emotions hijack you. Have you ever

1029
01:00:36.560 --> 01:00:41.680
been hijacked by your emotions? You get triggered and they literally hijack the whole process.

1030
01:00:42.720 --> 01:00:49.920
And you settle down and you're like, what? I don't even know why they didn't even say that

1031
01:00:49.920 --> 01:00:54.560
though. I don't know why I heard that. But it's actually our inner dialogue, what we're hearing

1032
01:00:54.640 --> 01:01:01.520
inside or internally or what we've been playing. And so, and what I was saying to you, Susan,

1033
01:01:01.520 --> 01:01:07.760
it's nothing wrong with what you did. It was just a misunderstanding. And the same thing he was

1034
01:01:07.760 --> 01:01:14.880
saying, you dismissed me. You were saying to him, you dismissed me. And for him, he was trying to

1035
01:01:14.880 --> 01:01:20.240
protect himself by saying, look, I don't even want to go back down this road again where this seems

1036
01:01:20.240 --> 01:01:24.320
like this could be a great person. Like this is what I hear him saying. And I just need to know

1037
01:01:24.320 --> 01:01:27.680
what your experience with long distance is because I don't want to do this again.

1038
01:01:29.440 --> 01:01:35.040
Just tell me, are you used to dating? Was this a year of dating or how did the distance or how

1039
01:01:35.040 --> 01:01:40.960
did y'all see each other? So even though he was very emotionally intelligent with his wording,

1040
01:01:40.960 --> 01:01:46.720
he did express himself very well. He shared exactly how he was feeling, what he felt like you did.

1041
01:01:46.720 --> 01:01:52.560
And it wasn't wrong. It was dismissive. The way when you read it, it felt dismissive,

1042
01:01:52.560 --> 01:01:57.600
but that's not your heart. And so Susan in turn says to him, I don't appreciate you telling me

1043
01:01:57.600 --> 01:02:04.160
I'm somebody that I'm not. Right. So he made a determination about who she was based on she

1044
01:02:04.160 --> 01:02:07.200
was learning. You can say, well, what else are you going to make a determination out of? But

1045
01:02:07.200 --> 01:02:12.560
wisdom says, I don't know this person. This is just what it seems like. And so that's all I

1046
01:02:12.560 --> 01:02:18.720
want to say to you, Susan. It was nothing wrong with you. If it ever came down to you being like,

1047
01:02:18.720 --> 01:02:22.160
if I have to tell you about a relationship, it's just like, forget it. Now I'm not going to do

1048
01:02:22.160 --> 01:02:27.760
that. And so, and if you wanted to reach back out to him, I noticed that you say you were

1049
01:02:27.760 --> 01:02:41.280
horribly offended with him. I was pissed. I was. And then I thought like, oh, he's prideful. He's

1050
01:02:41.280 --> 01:02:45.760
talking down to me. Cause he was all like, as a spiritual, you know, I speak and I'm,

1051
01:02:45.760 --> 01:02:49.920
you know, spiritual leader. And I just felt like he was trying to like, I was like,

1052
01:02:53.040 --> 01:02:56.720
best wishes finding who God has for you. I was like, that was my nice way of like,

1053
01:03:01.520 --> 01:03:08.320
I think that both of you guys did a really good job or of expressing yourself. Yeah. And I, I,

1054
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:14.880
I liked the dialogue. I liked the way he didn't just cut things out, but he actually went through

1055
01:03:15.200 --> 01:03:23.200
great lengths to explain himself, like to share. I've never seen a man share that much

1056
01:03:23.760 --> 01:03:32.480
about his experience. Yeah. And so that led me to believe that he was wanting to know like what,

1057
01:03:32.480 --> 01:03:37.840
like if it was any possibility, because that was just kind of interesting. Give me one.

1058
01:03:37.840 --> 01:03:43.760
Yeah. I could have, it could have maybe been salvaged. I didn't react so much ocean.

1059
01:03:51.200 --> 01:03:57.280
I'm sorry. Y'all was hard for me to do this with the dog barking in the background. Yeah. Seems like

1060
01:03:57.280 --> 01:04:00.800
it could have been salvaged, but that's all I wanted to say. I wasn't saying, oh, you did

1061
01:04:00.800 --> 01:04:08.320
something so terribly wrong. You weren't wrong for, for your response. It just lacked understanding.

1062
01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:18.240
Yeah. Yeah. And then one thing I would do in the, but you said it, but I want you to look back at

1063
01:04:18.240 --> 01:04:24.560
it maybe in a couple of days and see, can you see where it was dismissive? It sounded like you,

1064
01:04:24.560 --> 01:04:27.680
when you read it, it looks like you just kind of passed over that you brushed over.

1065
01:04:28.640 --> 01:04:33.680
Yeah, no, I know. Yeah. I can see that. I asked you something and you brushed over it again.

1066
01:04:33.680 --> 01:04:37.040
Yeah. And I didn't even like, like, even to like, I was like, oh, I don't like how he's using my

1067
01:04:37.040 --> 01:04:41.520
name. Like, oh, come on, Susan. Don't do me like that. Like I was like, oh, he's using my name now.

1068
01:04:41.520 --> 01:04:44.880
I just had attitude. Like you don't even know me. And you were over here like, oh, Susan,

1069
01:04:44.880 --> 01:04:50.080
this hurt me. And oh, Susan, that I'm just like, stop saying my name. Yeah. And for me,

1070
01:04:50.080 --> 01:04:54.720
when I read that, I felt like he was trying to be playful. Okay. Yeah. No, that one, I think,

1071
01:04:54.720 --> 01:04:59.840
yeah, that one, I think he was being playful. But the other ones that just rubbed me the wrong.

1072
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.700
way, Susan, and this and this, Susan, I was like, but that's

1073
01:05:05.700 --> 01:05:11.360
good. It revealed some things I can work on. Yeah, I was being

1074
01:05:11.360 --> 01:05:15.560
prideful. But then to an extent, I was being prideful. So

1075
01:05:16.360 --> 01:05:19.480
yeah, and you were just guarding yourself. You don't want to go

1076
01:05:19.480 --> 01:05:22.960
back down the road with another man asking you about that past

1077
01:05:22.960 --> 01:05:25.880
relationship. You didn't want to bring it up. You don't feel safe

1078
01:05:25.880 --> 01:05:27.880
about bringing up their relationship. You don't like the

1079
01:05:27.880 --> 01:05:31.880
person you were in that relationship. So you don't want

1080
01:05:31.880 --> 01:05:35.120
them to know this, Susan. Yeah, because it's none of their

1081
01:05:35.120 --> 01:05:39.600
business and they don't have to know this. Their relationship

1082
01:05:39.600 --> 01:05:43.760
can actually be talked about where that Susan, you can talk

1083
01:05:43.760 --> 01:05:46.400
about a relationship, even though he wasn't asking you to

1084
01:05:46.420 --> 01:05:49.480
you don't have to talk about it at all. But Susan, I want you to

1085
01:05:49.480 --> 01:05:52.320
know that if someone asked you about a relationship, you can

1086
01:05:52.320 --> 01:05:54.920
always say things like, yeah, I was in that relationship a year.

1087
01:05:55.080 --> 01:05:58.400
But we found out that we didn't serve each other's lives best.

1088
01:05:59.760 --> 01:06:02.480
We weren't best for each other. What do you mean by that? There

1089
01:06:02.480 --> 01:06:05.400
was some major differences that weren't best and best is about

1090
01:06:05.400 --> 01:06:11.280
as much as I'm going to say about it. You see? Yeah.

1091
01:06:13.040 --> 01:06:15.080
Thank you so much for fitting me in.

1092
01:06:15.080 --> 01:06:18.480
You're welcome. I didn't make you you haven't started your

1093
01:06:18.600 --> 01:06:19.680
class yet, have you?

1094
01:06:20.240 --> 01:06:20.760
My what?

1095
01:06:21.400 --> 01:06:22.160
Class.

1096
01:06:22.520 --> 01:06:25.160
Oh, no, no, my class is in 30 minutes. Thank you, though.

1097
01:06:26.480 --> 01:06:28.640
Okay, good. All right.

1098
01:06:31.360 --> 01:06:35.680
You've been gone so long, Shirai. You might miss you.

1099
01:06:41.160 --> 01:06:42.560
Hello, Ebony.

1100
01:06:43.120 --> 01:06:44.040
Hello.

1101
01:06:44.520 --> 01:06:48.080
It is. I've been gone so long. And I'm in this part of my

1102
01:06:48.080 --> 01:06:54.680
question. I'm so long because my class this year, my

1103
01:06:54.680 --> 01:07:01.160
kindergarten class has been the behavior has been woo wee. And

1104
01:07:01.160 --> 01:07:04.600
it's been beating me up emotionally, spiritually in all

1105
01:07:04.600 --> 01:07:05.320
the leaves.

1106
01:07:05.360 --> 01:07:08.680
Oh, wow. Little bit of kindergarten. My word.

1107
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:16.760
So it's been rough. And some and so I've kind of like, because of

1108
01:07:16.760 --> 01:07:20.560
everything that's been going on at work, I really haven't really

1109
01:07:20.560 --> 01:07:30.200
been engaging in the dating thing at all. And, and, in fact,

1110
01:07:30.240 --> 01:07:35.080
like some, some disagreements that I've had with my principal.

1111
01:07:35.760 --> 01:07:41.640
It's really like it, like, I've literally been in tears. Leaving

1112
01:07:41.640 --> 01:07:48.000
work and out of office. It's been, it's been really bad. And

1113
01:07:48.000 --> 01:07:52.760
so and I guess it's brought up some things as far as like

1114
01:07:52.760 --> 01:07:59.600
dealing with conflict with men. For me, and so and just because

1115
01:07:59.600 --> 01:08:04.040
of just because I came out of a home as a child, where my dad

1116
01:08:04.040 --> 01:08:09.640
was, you know, verbally abusive towards my mom. And so anytime a

1117
01:08:09.640 --> 01:08:16.200
man like raises his voice, or, or anything like that, it's, I

1118
01:08:16.200 --> 01:08:23.279
shut down. And so that makes me, you know, getting into it with my

1119
01:08:23.279 --> 01:08:28.760
principal, kind of like, brought that back, because I don't know

1120
01:08:28.760 --> 01:08:34.600
how to respond in conflict with men, you know? Right. And so that

1121
01:08:34.600 --> 01:08:39.960
makes me think about how do I, how would I react in marriage or

1122
01:08:39.960 --> 01:08:45.240
relationship if I can't even like, know how to like, have a

1123
01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:54.720
conversation with my, my boss, you know what I'm saying? So I

1124
01:08:54.720 --> 01:08:56.640
want to ask you about that.

1125
01:08:57.880 --> 01:09:00.240
Right. So I think that interacting with your boss is

1126
01:09:00.240 --> 01:09:03.640
just a really good experience, because it's discovery. And so

1127
01:09:03.640 --> 01:09:07.160
now you've discovered something about yourself. And the root

1128
01:09:07.160 --> 01:09:12.479
cause of it is whatever happened in your childhood with me. And

1129
01:09:12.479 --> 01:09:15.600
so now, you don't have to wait until marriage or say, well,

1130
01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:19.200
what's going to happen when I get married? Because you can

1131
01:09:19.200 --> 01:09:22.359
actually deal with the root cause of it now, because it has

1132
01:09:22.359 --> 01:09:25.600
come up now. Will you get in marriage and still respond in

1133
01:09:25.600 --> 01:09:28.640
certain ways? Yes. But that doesn't mean you have to go in

1134
01:09:28.640 --> 01:09:31.840
the way you are right now. But you can actually start the

1135
01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:36.760
healing process in the area. Because now you know what it is.

1136
01:09:36.960 --> 01:09:40.000
And so what you have to do is track down the lie that's

1137
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:44.240
attached to it. Because there's something you're believing.

1138
01:09:46.240 --> 01:09:52.399
I get I just I get I freeze whenever, anytime there's like

1139
01:09:52.399 --> 01:09:57.000
conflict, I don't know how to like, express like express

1140
01:09:57.000 --> 01:10:00.040
myself and, and feel like

1141
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.640
Like in the moment, I freeze.

1142
01:10:03.640 --> 01:10:06.880
And then later on, everything I wanted to say,

1143
01:10:08.720 --> 01:10:11.560
you know, thoughts come right.

1144
01:10:11.560 --> 01:10:13.800
I should have said, I should have said, I should have said.

1145
01:10:13.800 --> 01:10:16.000
Oh yeah, why didn't you say this?

1146
01:10:16.000 --> 01:10:17.000
Why didn't you say that?

1147
01:10:17.000 --> 01:10:17.840
Right.

1148
01:10:17.840 --> 01:10:22.840
But you know, I don't wanna say psychologist.

1149
01:10:23.120 --> 01:10:25.800
I wanna say scientist, whoever they are.

1150
01:10:25.800 --> 01:10:30.800
They said that we 1,000 times faster than a second

1151
01:10:32.000 --> 01:10:34.920
respond the way we are wired to respond

1152
01:10:34.920 --> 01:10:37.040
before we respond logically.

1153
01:10:37.040 --> 01:10:40.440
And that's why I asked you to wait before you respond

1154
01:10:40.440 --> 01:10:42.400
because you're naturally gonna respond

1155
01:10:42.400 --> 01:10:44.440
the way you are wired to respond,

1156
01:10:44.440 --> 01:10:48.000
the way you were shaped and cultivated to respond.

1157
01:10:48.000 --> 01:10:50.000
It happens so much faster,

1158
01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:53.160
a thousand times faster than a second,

1159
01:10:53.160 --> 01:10:55.480
you will respond the way you were shaped

1160
01:10:55.480 --> 01:10:57.400
and cultivated to respond.

1161
01:10:57.400 --> 01:11:01.520
So sometimes, I would say, take a deep breath and wait.

1162
01:11:01.520 --> 01:11:03.720
Well, I don't always pull it out so well,

1163
01:11:03.720 --> 01:11:05.440
but you can keep working it.

1164
01:11:05.440 --> 01:11:08.040
But I wanna say this to you, Shirai.

1165
01:11:08.040 --> 01:11:11.960
Both of us are teachers and you have access to therapy

1166
01:11:13.720 --> 01:11:17.000
for like 30 bucks a session.

1167
01:11:17.000 --> 01:11:18.800
Do you have a therapist?

1168
01:11:18.800 --> 01:11:19.640
No.

1169
01:11:20.240 --> 01:11:23.760
I wanna encourage you to get a therapist.

1170
01:11:25.760 --> 01:11:29.000
And I wanna encourage you to get a trauma therapist

1171
01:11:30.640 --> 01:11:34.800
because I believe that it's gonna be very helpful for you.

1172
01:11:34.800 --> 01:11:36.400
We've been on this journey for a while.

1173
01:11:36.400 --> 01:11:39.520
So I know that the wounds you've inflicted from your mother

1174
01:11:39.520 --> 01:11:42.520
and I know the wounds, the issues you have with men.

1175
01:11:42.520 --> 01:11:44.320
And I think that this is a really great time

1176
01:11:44.320 --> 01:11:46.560
for you to invest in yourself

1177
01:11:46.560 --> 01:11:49.640
because it's gonna pay off in large dividends.

1178
01:11:49.640 --> 01:11:52.040
And it's very inexpensive for you.

1179
01:11:53.200 --> 01:11:55.680
And you can get it done.

1180
01:11:55.680 --> 01:11:59.160
You can meet with somebody easily over Zoom if you have to.

1181
01:11:59.160 --> 01:12:01.120
Like it's an easy thing to get done.

1182
01:12:01.120 --> 01:12:04.400
I've had a trauma therapist for many, many years

1183
01:12:04.400 --> 01:12:06.880
and I do EMDR.

1184
01:12:06.880 --> 01:12:08.240
I don't do talk therapy.

1185
01:12:09.240 --> 01:12:13.440
And that's just how I govern that part of my life.

1186
01:12:13.440 --> 01:12:15.480
I govern my life in that way.

1187
01:12:15.480 --> 01:12:17.920
I've governed every area of my life.

1188
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:19.880
I'm very intentional

1189
01:12:19.880 --> 01:12:21.720
and I wanna encourage you to be intentional.

1190
01:12:21.720 --> 01:12:22.560
Why?

1191
01:12:22.560 --> 01:12:24.160
Because you are a single woman.

1192
01:12:24.160 --> 01:12:26.680
You can do anything you wanna do with your time.

1193
01:12:26.680 --> 01:12:28.640
Anything you wanna do with your time.

1194
01:12:29.680 --> 01:12:31.640
And when you enter into marriage

1195
01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:34.280
there's gonna be a weight on you, a heat on you.

1196
01:12:34.280 --> 01:12:36.920
There's gonna be something has to happen now

1197
01:12:36.920 --> 01:12:39.240
because now you're partnered with somebody else.

1198
01:12:39.240 --> 01:12:42.200
But there are so many things you can clean up right now.

1199
01:12:42.200 --> 01:12:45.240
And you're not gonna be a very happy person

1200
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:46.840
carrying that.

1201
01:12:48.880 --> 01:12:49.720
Right?

1202
01:12:49.720 --> 01:12:51.680
That's not gonna make for bliss for you.

1203
01:12:52.680 --> 01:12:53.520
You're right.

1204
01:12:54.640 --> 01:12:59.640
Yeah, literally in one of our last conversations

1205
01:12:59.960 --> 01:13:02.440
that was not very good.

1206
01:13:02.440 --> 01:13:03.880
I literally yelled at him,

1207
01:13:03.880 --> 01:13:05.520
what do you want from me?

1208
01:13:05.520 --> 01:13:07.840
And I was like in tears.

1209
01:13:07.840 --> 01:13:12.840
Like that, it was bad.

1210
01:13:13.440 --> 01:13:14.280
It was bad.

1211
01:13:14.280 --> 01:13:16.040
Yeah, that's tough.

1212
01:13:17.160 --> 01:13:19.120
Yeah, yeah.

1213
01:13:19.120 --> 01:13:22.640
I don't, and to the point where I've almost like,

1214
01:13:24.120 --> 01:13:26.560
I've almost considered like leaving my campus

1215
01:13:26.560 --> 01:13:30.560
but I almost feel like I don't think God wants me to do that

1216
01:13:30.560 --> 01:13:31.600
cause I feel like,

1217
01:13:31.600 --> 01:13:34.080
cause I don't handle conflict well

1218
01:13:34.080 --> 01:13:37.320
and I feel like maybe that's me running trying to leave.

1219
01:13:37.560 --> 01:13:38.400
No.

1220
01:13:39.600 --> 01:13:43.240
I think that those are some really tough.

1221
01:13:48.880 --> 01:13:52.280
I'm very leery about attaching something about God

1222
01:13:52.280 --> 01:13:53.840
to these situations.

1223
01:13:53.840 --> 01:13:55.160
But I believe I'm trying to run.

1224
01:13:55.160 --> 01:13:56.680
I don't believe God wants me to do that.

1225
01:13:56.680 --> 01:13:58.720
I don't believe God wants me to do this.

1226
01:13:58.720 --> 01:14:01.400
I think that you're putting yourself under order

1227
01:14:01.400 --> 01:14:03.560
that you know not to be true one way or the other

1228
01:14:03.560 --> 01:14:05.160
and it's not the point.

1229
01:14:05.200 --> 01:14:07.840
I think what has to be looked at is that

1230
01:14:07.840 --> 01:14:09.880
God wants you healthy

1231
01:14:09.880 --> 01:14:11.680
and whatever you can do to be healthy

1232
01:14:11.680 --> 01:14:13.240
while you have this conflict.

1233
01:14:13.240 --> 01:14:15.440
Conflict shows you what's happening.

1234
01:14:15.440 --> 01:14:17.240
If you don't have conflict, you don't never know.

1235
01:14:17.240 --> 01:14:19.600
You don't ever know it's there.

1236
01:14:19.600 --> 01:14:24.600
And so I think I can't find my right words

1237
01:14:24.680 --> 01:14:27.520
but when we start attaching that,

1238
01:14:27.520 --> 01:14:30.520
oh, I don't think God really wants this for me anyway.

1239
01:14:30.520 --> 01:14:32.680
If I'm running, God doesn't want me to run.

1240
01:14:32.680 --> 01:14:35.680
Well then if that's the case, what does God want you to do?

1241
01:14:38.880 --> 01:14:40.560
The Bible says for you to prosper

1242
01:14:40.560 --> 01:14:41.680
even as your soul prospers.

1243
01:14:41.680 --> 01:14:42.960
So your soul needs to prosper.

1244
01:14:42.960 --> 01:14:45.560
Your soul is your mind, your will and emotion.

1245
01:14:45.560 --> 01:14:47.080
All of those cracks and crevices

1246
01:14:47.080 --> 01:14:49.600
that the enemy has come in and set up shop

1247
01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:51.680
because there's a crack there for him to do it.

1248
01:14:51.680 --> 01:14:53.840
And the Lord wants you healthy and whole.

1249
01:14:54.920 --> 01:14:57.760
And so I don't have a thought about if you're running

1250
01:14:57.760 --> 01:14:58.600
or if you should leave.

1251
01:14:58.600 --> 01:15:00.080
All I know is that conflict

1252
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:09.040
helps you discover you. Then that you have some of the best days in your life right now to

1253
01:15:11.520 --> 01:15:18.720
heal those things that weren't cared for well. You deserve it, Shirai. You deserve it.

1254
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:26.080
That's the truth. So not only do you have things that are happening within you that deserve to be

1255
01:15:26.080 --> 01:15:30.400
healed, you're also a teacher and teaching is very, very challenging.

1256
01:15:33.360 --> 01:15:39.920
I didn't know like I know now. This year has showed me.

1257
01:15:41.920 --> 01:15:48.000
Right? So my encouragement would be to you is to get help as quickly as you can like

1258
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:53.360
get on the internet and start typing looking for somebody. Seriously, you won't regret it.

1259
01:15:54.160 --> 01:15:57.920
I will. You are not the first person to say it. So I will.

1260
01:15:59.360 --> 01:16:03.280
Okay. It's so good to see you. Thank you. I'm glad to see you too.

1261
01:16:04.000 --> 01:16:10.000
I know. Oh, you're a teacher as well. What grade do you teach? Let's go, Pauline.

1262
01:16:15.520 --> 01:16:18.080
Hi, can you hear me? Yeah.

1263
01:16:18.720 --> 01:16:24.000
Okay. Yeah. So no, I just wanted to come on because I think you mentioned on my post that

1264
01:16:24.000 --> 01:16:31.200
you wanted to speak to me about. Yeah. And I think it was about the guy that I had. I thought it was

1265
01:16:31.200 --> 01:16:37.440
going well. And then things ended. Then I talked about how I did the forgiveness prayer. And you

1266
01:16:38.240 --> 01:16:42.080
about, were you asking me about how I felt about offended or?

1267
01:16:43.040 --> 01:16:48.000
Yeah, let me, let me find it rather quickly here. It's true.

1268
01:17:02.000 --> 01:17:04.000
And I also have a second question, Ebony.

1269
01:17:04.000 --> 01:17:13.040
I've met another person after, and he is really way older than I am, like more than 20 years older.

1270
01:17:13.760 --> 01:17:22.800
And, and there are many things that seem to be a good match, which I know it's a bit of a, what,

1271
01:17:22.800 --> 01:17:32.000
how did that happen? And, and I know that, you know, some people don't really encourage

1272
01:17:32.000 --> 01:17:38.880
dating with someone who is like, really like the age gap is significant. I'm talking about 20 years

1273
01:17:38.880 --> 01:17:48.480
and above. But I'm just wondering, is it really not a good thing? Or there are situations where

1274
01:17:48.480 --> 01:17:54.560
that can be something God has for us too. I'm just truthfully curious.

1275
01:17:54.560 --> 01:18:00.320
So let's, this 20 year age gap is something that you will have to consider for yourself because you

1276
01:18:00.320 --> 01:18:05.280
guys are in different seasons of life. And so then you will have to consider what you want life to

1277
01:18:05.280 --> 01:18:11.120
look like for you. Consider what season he's headed into and where will you be in your season of life

1278
01:18:11.120 --> 01:18:16.640
when he's headed there, you'll have to evaluate those things. And then you have to evaluate that

1279
01:18:16.640 --> 01:18:24.000
person's character. And then you have to evaluate their personality. And then you have to evaluate

1280
01:18:24.640 --> 01:18:34.000
And so I don't, I am not, I don't like to involve what I think God wants when I can operate in

1281
01:18:34.000 --> 01:18:40.960
wisdom because the Lord operates in wisdom. He's given us wisdom. The whole book of Proverbs talks

1282
01:18:40.960 --> 01:18:48.000
about wisdom. And so you cannot operate in, I think God wants this, I think God wants this,

1283
01:18:48.000 --> 01:18:54.960
I think God wants this in your void of wisdom. The Bible says by wisdom, a man builds a house.

1284
01:18:57.680 --> 01:19:03.360
So wisdom is required when you're doing these things. So you do, you sit down and you write

1285
01:19:03.360 --> 01:19:09.040
out, there's a 20 year age gap. This is where I am. This is where he is. This is where he's headed.

1286
01:19:09.040 --> 01:19:16.640
This is where I'm headed. So like, so you have to weigh those things and then you make a decision

1287
01:19:16.640 --> 01:19:21.360
from there. Do I want to continue to get to know this person? And then you have to also understand

1288
01:19:21.360 --> 01:19:26.160
that in the first three months, everything's going to be butterflies and kiki and kaka and lala.

1289
01:19:27.120 --> 01:19:32.000
First of all, you're 20 years younger, right? So everything is going to be a big, a big

1290
01:19:32.720 --> 01:19:40.080
heyday. So it, you know, you need all of that to fall away. So what I was saying to you about

1291
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:44.480
this pain that you say you experienced from this person, not talking to you,

1292
01:19:44.480 --> 01:19:48.320
that it was so much pain that you had to actually free. Well, not so much pain,

1293
01:19:48.320 --> 01:19:52.160
but you want to forgive them for offending you or causing you pain.

1294
01:19:53.680 --> 01:19:56.880
What, how did you feel? What caused you pain?

1295
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:08.000
I think that, I mean I do recognize my part in that but I think the reason why I felt that I

1296
01:20:08.000 --> 01:20:13.360
needed to do the forgiveness prayer was because I think of the approach that he was adopting

1297
01:20:14.960 --> 01:20:21.040
in dating or getting to know someone because the way that he was going about it with me or

1298
01:20:21.040 --> 01:20:28.960
my impression of it was it was almost like we are like like almost like part of each other's life

1299
01:20:28.960 --> 01:20:34.480
there is updates there is talking there is kind of like sharing things checking in and then just

1300
01:20:34.480 --> 01:20:40.160
suddenly out of the blue he just goes silent like that you know and with no kind of like

1301
01:20:40.880 --> 01:20:46.960
oh you know I've noticed this and we are not suitable so you know I'm sorry I've got to

1302
01:20:46.960 --> 01:20:55.600
you know stop this I mean I thought that I would have thought that someone who is

1303
01:20:56.000 --> 01:21:01.360
mature and mindful would would actually care to drop just a sentence about that instead of just

1304
01:21:01.360 --> 01:21:10.960
going radio silent and just I thought rude and disrespectful and and I whilst I understand

1305
01:21:10.960 --> 01:21:15.120
different people have different approaches and comfort level but I it just doesn't sit

1306
01:21:15.120 --> 01:21:21.840
well with me and that's why I feel like I needed to let that go forgive him and

1307
01:21:22.400 --> 01:21:30.240
and and also forgive myself for investing so early so fast such that I felt so hurt

1308
01:21:30.960 --> 01:21:38.160
yeah that's that's the thing yeah so I hear your heart and that's why I kind of like to have

1309
01:21:38.160 --> 01:21:42.880
this dialogue because when we're just typing on the app you can't hear we can't hear each other's

1310
01:21:42.880 --> 01:21:50.480
heart most of the time and so I like what you said because you had to release yourself from

1311
01:21:50.480 --> 01:21:57.520
moving so fast so quickly and so what it was is like he was he's like doing all the things you

1312
01:21:57.520 --> 01:22:02.480
like y'all talking you're getting to know each other it's fun and exciting he just falls flops

1313
01:22:02.480 --> 01:22:08.560
out the face of the earth no saying anything to you that is harsh he ghosted you you didn't do

1314
01:22:08.560 --> 01:22:18.480
anything to deserve that but the so so that is due to be recognized here Pauline this is not

1315
01:22:18.480 --> 01:22:29.680
a reflection on who you are it's a reflection on who he is not you and so in a paced situation

1316
01:22:30.320 --> 01:22:35.040
you can say oh wow he ghosts people okay that doesn't work for me

1317
01:22:39.040 --> 01:22:44.480
right but when we front load the situation because it was only two to three days but a lot can happen

1318
01:22:44.480 --> 01:22:48.800
in two to three days if you're talking to somebody you're having fun you're laughing

1319
01:22:48.800 --> 01:22:56.880
y'all are texting and all these things everything feels so fun and it feels so good right um so

1320
01:22:56.880 --> 01:23:03.520
that's that's that drop out that hurt that you experienced but it was only two to three days

1321
01:23:05.600 --> 01:23:11.680
so the only thing you know about him is what he told you yeah but now you do know

1322
01:23:11.680 --> 01:23:19.680
an observable thing about him is that he ghosts people and you made a decision that people that

1323
01:23:19.680 --> 01:23:27.760
ghost people are not your type of people right no they're not your type of people but it served

1324
01:23:27.760 --> 01:23:33.600
you really well because you got to learn that you know what next time i'm going to take it a bit

1325
01:23:33.600 --> 01:23:37.680
slower next time i'm going to set the tone for how much we talk

1326
01:23:41.680 --> 01:23:47.200
because i realize i don't know this person so i really even if i have to talk one day and skip a

1327
01:23:47.200 --> 01:23:56.400
day that's what i'll do to guard my heart to make sure that i'm not moving too quickly and so even

1328
01:23:56.400 --> 01:24:01.920
when things happen in this dating that are disappointing to us we are dating for discovery

1329
01:24:01.920 --> 01:24:09.600
and there's so much to be learned that's good thank you and i think i do notice that i struggle

1330
01:24:10.560 --> 01:24:17.360
with pacing and i think part of it has probably got to do with early attachment

1331
01:24:18.400 --> 01:24:28.560
um issues um and i and and i think through this experience i realized two two two core beliefs

1332
01:24:28.560 --> 01:24:39.680
one is um i think i wrote that that i that i think i said that give me a second let me just

1333
01:24:39.680 --> 01:24:46.960
pull it up for myself strong men are scary strong men are scary but you know like like as in we are

1334
01:24:46.960 --> 01:24:52.880
i mean we are looking for marriage-minded mature and masculine men and so they need to be strong

1335
01:24:52.880 --> 01:24:58.480
right but i realized for me when i see a strong man mature and marriage-minded i'm attracted to

1336
01:24:58.480 --> 01:24:59.920
them i'm like yeah you are the type

1337
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.240
You know and then but my belief is that strong men are scary and I'm unworthy

1338
01:25:05.360 --> 01:25:10.080
And then that may kind of makes me go into this whole anxious insecure

1339
01:25:10.080 --> 01:25:15.800
I don't know what I'm doing and a lot of that pleasing and a lot of like pace. How do I pace?

1340
01:25:15.800 --> 01:25:19.160
Maybe I can't pace. I don't know how to pace or I shouldn't pace

1341
01:25:19.160 --> 01:25:23.920
What if I lose something, you know that kind a lot of the anxious energy in that?

1342
01:25:24.680 --> 01:25:27.040
and so I think that's like the piece that I

1343
01:25:27.960 --> 01:25:29.240
need to

1344
01:25:29.240 --> 01:25:31.240
heal from

1345
01:25:31.560 --> 01:25:33.560
So that I can

1346
01:25:34.040 --> 01:25:35.920
date

1347
01:25:35.920 --> 01:25:41.960
strong men with confidence because I'm worthy, you know, and that pacing doesn't become so

1348
01:25:42.560 --> 01:25:50.040
So difficult or so anxiety provoking or that I don't feel like I'm trying to rush ahead and go my old ways, you know

1349
01:25:51.640 --> 01:25:53.640
Yeah, I don't know am I making sense

1350
01:25:54.080 --> 01:25:57.200
Yes, it is definitely a heart issue and

1351
01:25:57.720 --> 01:26:03.240
belief of worthiness because what you're saying is you get intimidated by masculine me and

1352
01:26:04.240 --> 01:26:07.160
Because it's what you mean by strong right masculine me and me that are

1353
01:26:07.600 --> 01:26:10.640
Masculine. Yeah, I don't know what your father was like

1354
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:16.480
I don't know what your experience has been but it is very worth you tracking down and

1355
01:26:17.680 --> 01:26:19.680
replacing that line and

1356
01:26:19.680 --> 01:26:26.600
I don't want you to skip that Colleen because you're gonna attract who you are and where you are

1357
01:26:29.080 --> 01:26:36.080
So if you want a healthy whole man and this is for all of us we have to work to be healthy whole women and

1358
01:26:36.920 --> 01:26:38.920
Don't skip a single step

1359
01:26:40.720 --> 01:26:46.360
Because I am telling you when you get that healthy whole part of you together

1360
01:26:46.920 --> 01:26:51.560
You are not going to allow anything just to happen in your life

1361
01:26:53.040 --> 01:26:55.040
You're just not

1362
01:26:55.720 --> 01:26:57.360
You're gonna be more self-aware

1363
01:26:57.360 --> 01:27:02.040
You're gonna be able to see people for who they are and where they are and you'd be able to make decisions

1364
01:27:02.240 --> 01:27:04.560
Because you understand what it takes to grow

1365
01:27:05.520 --> 01:27:08.760
You won't have walls. You'll have boundaries in order

1366
01:27:09.680 --> 01:27:11.480
And you'll be able to see people

1367
01:27:11.480 --> 01:27:16.280
It's a beautiful thing to see people for who they are and where they are and you don't judge them

1368
01:27:16.320 --> 01:27:20.840
You understand because you've been there before too and you know that it takes work to grow

1369
01:27:21.280 --> 01:27:23.720
And so probably I don't want you to skip over there

1370
01:27:23.720 --> 01:27:29.280
I want you to go back and take your of course stuff out from on phase one and dig through

1371
01:27:29.560 --> 01:27:32.200
Why do masculine me and intimidate you?

1372
01:27:33.960 --> 01:27:37.960
Right because this cycle about you getting anxious get all that a break

1373
01:27:38.640 --> 01:27:44.040
All of that will fall off of you let let's just release that fear this is the part of the process

1374
01:27:44.040 --> 01:27:48.840
What what's happening now is coming up. So if you're falling for you, it won't stay with you

1375
01:27:48.840 --> 01:27:55.120
I used to be very anxiously attached and there's still a being in me to be that way

1376
01:27:55.120 --> 01:28:00.400
but I leave myself back in the other direction because I get to be in charge and

1377
01:28:01.200 --> 01:28:07.520
So I tell myself what we're gonna do not myself. Tell me what we're gonna do. I'm the captain of the ship

1378
01:28:08.120 --> 01:28:09.200
and

1379
01:28:09.200 --> 01:28:13.320
I understand that. I don't have to pour from a cup of anxious attachment

1380
01:28:14.520 --> 01:28:20.920
That I have another reservoir on the inside of me and though I may have been shaped in there as a child

1381
01:28:20.920 --> 01:28:25.800
I don't have to live out of it as this one that is healed in whole

1382
01:28:26.920 --> 01:28:32.240
And so when my little toxic patterns come up, I sense them. I see them people through the cloud

1383
01:28:32.520 --> 01:28:38.920
I'm telling you something about me. Ain't nothing like it like a good argument with the man. It just turned me on

1384
01:28:38.920 --> 01:28:40.920
You know, it's toxic

1385
01:28:43.120 --> 01:28:49.240
You look toxic something in there you don't get a seat at this table we don't do this foolishness

1386
01:28:50.280 --> 01:28:55.120
Right, and so you you begin to see the things and so Pauline that's where you are

1387
01:28:55.120 --> 01:29:00.520
Like you're seeing what's happening. Maybe you didn't used to see it before but now you see it happening

1388
01:29:00.920 --> 01:29:03.280
That tells you that you are healing

1389
01:29:04.560 --> 01:29:06.560
But we don't want yeah

1390
01:29:06.600 --> 01:29:11.960
Yeah, and so you want to keep chopping away at it and getting to the root of and so all those questions

1391
01:29:11.960 --> 01:29:16.760
I asked you I told you to go back and do some research and get to the bottom of it

1392
01:29:17.440 --> 01:29:19.920
You want to do that without diligence?

1393
01:29:19.920 --> 01:29:23.800
This is your time in your life to deal with these things and I want to encourage you to do it

1394
01:29:25.000 --> 01:29:28.560
Okay, I'll do that. Thank you. Okay, you're welcome

1395
01:29:29.560 --> 01:29:31.560
Rosanna

1396
01:29:34.560 --> 01:29:36.560
Hi

1397
01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:42.800
You posted I had a chance to read it was a holiday weekend, but I saw

1398
01:29:45.320 --> 01:29:50.040
You thank you, I thank you for responding to my thing about

1399
01:29:51.000 --> 01:29:56.000
Your I am so glad I was able to hear the replay about

1400
01:29:56.000 --> 01:29:59.800
The restoration with dating I really appreciate it

1401
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.280
And Tiffany, thank you for being open about marriage.

1402
01:30:03.280 --> 01:30:07.000
I was listening to all I was working out, and it just, because it brought something

1403
01:30:07.000 --> 01:30:12.420
up in me that I'm trying to speak against that we were just declaring, and Tiffany,

1404
01:30:12.420 --> 01:30:18.720
just like you brought up stuff with marriage, I get nervous about my five children.

1405
01:30:18.720 --> 01:30:26.760
My kids are wonderful, and so, but I get nervous with, I don't broadcast it, and I usually

1406
01:30:26.760 --> 01:30:31.600
tell men, sometimes through text or through talking on the phone, if we get to that point

1407
01:30:31.600 --> 01:30:35.280
or whatever, because sometimes they'll start asking about children, and I always say it

1408
01:30:35.280 --> 01:30:36.280
kind of funny.

1409
01:30:36.280 --> 01:30:39.280
I always say, hold your breath.

1410
01:30:39.280 --> 01:30:40.280
I have five kids.

1411
01:30:40.280 --> 01:30:43.600
And usually, the response has actually been positive, to be quite honest, as I'm saying

1412
01:30:43.600 --> 01:30:44.600
this out loud.

1413
01:30:44.600 --> 01:30:46.080
And I'm like, okay, that's cool.

1414
01:30:46.080 --> 01:30:53.000
So I don't want that to be a blockade of something of like, why wouldn't that be some, you know,

1415
01:30:53.000 --> 01:30:54.640
there are men that want families.

1416
01:30:54.680 --> 01:30:57.760
And even Noah, when we were talking, I was like, what is it, something that you want?

1417
01:30:57.760 --> 01:30:58.960
And he's like, I want a family.

1418
01:30:58.960 --> 01:31:04.440
I want, you know, and it was beautiful, because there are maybe, you know, some men who desire

1419
01:31:04.440 --> 01:31:05.440
things like that.

1420
01:31:05.440 --> 01:31:09.840
So I think that's my hang up with certain things, and I don't want to be that way, because

1421
01:31:09.840 --> 01:31:15.920
when I was talking to my therapist the other day, I do EMDR as well, and so I wanted to,

1422
01:31:15.920 --> 01:31:18.680
Shirai, I wanted to encourage her with that as well.

1423
01:31:18.680 --> 01:31:21.120
It's been incredible breakthroughs for me.

1424
01:31:21.120 --> 01:31:24.360
And I just want to know, what am I afraid of?

1425
01:31:25.080 --> 01:31:28.720
I think, I don't know if it's, I'm going to get interest in a guy, because, you know,

1426
01:31:28.720 --> 01:31:33.360
you said it's fruitful and butterflies, you know, and then you have interest, and then

1427
01:31:33.360 --> 01:31:38.000
maybe I'll feel like, oh, you're going to reject me, because I have a lot of kids, or

1428
01:31:38.000 --> 01:31:39.000
we're not good enough.

1429
01:31:39.000 --> 01:31:42.160
And that's an old mentality I have been fighting, and that I have worked through with the heartwork

1430
01:31:42.160 --> 01:31:43.160
tremendously.

1431
01:31:43.160 --> 01:31:44.320
I've grown.

1432
01:31:44.320 --> 01:31:47.880
And I don't know, like, I'm so excited, like, like I told you, I'm back on the apps again.

1433
01:31:47.880 --> 01:31:50.840
I'm talking to a couple guys, and I'm excited about it, and I want to go on dates.

1434
01:31:50.840 --> 01:31:53.920
I want to go on multiple dates with multiple guys.

1435
01:31:54.480 --> 01:31:56.160
So I hope that works out.

1436
01:31:56.160 --> 01:31:59.520
So I don't, maybe I don't know what I'm trying to ask.

1437
01:31:59.520 --> 01:32:04.320
And I think some of it too, is that I'm wondering when your suggestion, if I should stay with

1438
01:32:04.320 --> 01:32:09.320
you guys on phase two, because I love it, but I feel like eventually I'm supposed to

1439
01:32:09.320 --> 01:32:11.080
go to phase three, I'm sensing it.

1440
01:32:11.080 --> 01:32:15.520
And I also sense that the Lord has been telling me, he's telling me he's coming, he's coming,

1441
01:32:15.520 --> 01:32:18.440
and I'm hearing it, but I'm hearing it a little bit more now.

1442
01:32:18.440 --> 01:32:19.440
And I'm excited.

1443
01:32:19.440 --> 01:32:21.600
And the last time he said it, he's like, be prepared.

1444
01:32:21.640 --> 01:32:25.800
I'm like, okay, I'm telling you, I'm purging things.

1445
01:32:25.800 --> 01:32:27.640
I have removed my closet space.

1446
01:32:27.640 --> 01:32:29.680
I have everything in the closet or my dressers.

1447
01:32:29.680 --> 01:32:31.240
I got rid of stuff.

1448
01:32:31.240 --> 01:32:33.000
I got rid of winter clothes.

1449
01:32:33.000 --> 01:32:40.040
I'm clearing stuff out, and I'm making room for, you know what I mean, to get ready.

1450
01:32:40.040 --> 01:32:43.520
I'm excited about being single, and I'm trying to learn how to be content, but there's times

1451
01:32:43.520 --> 01:32:44.520
I'm not content, Ebony.

1452
01:32:44.520 --> 01:32:48.880
I'm going to be really, and then Nadine had a beautiful photo with her son and smiling.

1453
01:32:48.880 --> 01:32:50.040
She's like, I'm happy in this season.

1454
01:32:50.600 --> 01:32:54.440
I'm like, I wish I could, but I'm straight up like, I felt single in my marriage for

1455
01:32:54.440 --> 01:32:55.440
a very long time.

1456
01:32:55.440 --> 01:32:57.960
I've been waiting to be loved for a hot minute.

1457
01:32:57.960 --> 01:32:59.640
I'm going to tell you that for real.

1458
01:32:59.640 --> 01:33:00.640
It's been a long time.

1459
01:33:00.640 --> 01:33:06.040
And not saying that my late husband didn't love me, but not the way I deserved, and I

1460
01:33:06.040 --> 01:33:09.160
think it bothered him that he didn't do it the way he should have either.

1461
01:33:09.160 --> 01:33:12.600
And so I don't know, how are you content?

1462
01:33:12.600 --> 01:33:16.360
And I think I said I'm impatient, and you said it's part of the process, so thank you

1463
01:33:16.360 --> 01:33:17.880
for acknowledging that.

1464
01:33:17.880 --> 01:33:23.360
But then I don't want to look back and be like, oh, now I wish I wasn't dating someone

1465
01:33:23.360 --> 01:33:27.040
or, you know, and I don't know.

1466
01:33:27.040 --> 01:33:30.800
And then I have my 25 high school reunion coming up, May 24th.

1467
01:33:30.800 --> 01:33:31.800
I can't wait.

1468
01:33:31.800 --> 01:33:33.400
My old high school crush is going to be there.

1469
01:33:33.400 --> 01:33:38.120
A guy who stopped talking to me, the breadcrumber, like Kevin, the one I met before Noah is going

1470
01:33:38.120 --> 01:33:39.120
to be there.

1471
01:33:39.120 --> 01:33:40.120
I'm going to look slamming hot.

1472
01:33:40.120 --> 01:33:41.120
You know, I can't.

1473
01:33:41.120 --> 01:33:45.640
I want to flirt with all these dudes, because some of them are single, or just be like,

1474
01:33:45.720 --> 01:33:46.520
she's still got it.

1475
01:33:47.720 --> 01:33:48.520
That's right.

1476
01:33:48.520 --> 01:33:49.480
She's still got it.

1477
01:33:53.880 --> 01:34:00.040
Well, I think what I want to say is that, you know, you can totally go to phase two

1478
01:34:00.040 --> 01:34:00.520
if you want.

1479
01:34:00.520 --> 01:34:02.360
I mean, phase three if you want.

1480
01:34:02.360 --> 01:34:03.800
I think that you will enjoy it.

1481
01:34:03.800 --> 01:34:05.720
You can always come over to phase two.

1482
01:34:05.720 --> 01:34:07.480
You can always post and ask questions.

1483
01:34:07.480 --> 01:34:09.880
You can always come on the live.

1484
01:34:09.880 --> 01:34:11.800
They have sessions that are really good.

1485
01:34:12.760 --> 01:34:15.800
I would encourage you to go if you're ready to go over there.

1486
01:34:15.800 --> 01:34:16.600
Don't wait.

1487
01:34:16.600 --> 01:34:18.200
You'll always have access here.

1488
01:34:19.160 --> 01:34:26.600
And I will tell you that you don't have to be impatient in God, but you can always ask

1489
01:34:26.600 --> 01:34:29.720
him, what are you doing in this season right now?

1490
01:34:29.720 --> 01:34:31.560
Because he's always doing something.

1491
01:34:32.520 --> 01:34:35.960
And whatever he's doing is of the utmost importance.

1492
01:34:36.520 --> 01:34:40.280
There's a scripture that said, let God be true in every man alive.

1493
01:34:40.280 --> 01:34:44.760
And so when you hear the truth of God about what he's working in and what he's doing,

1494
01:34:44.760 --> 01:34:46.520
then you know that that is the truth.

1495
01:34:46.520 --> 01:34:48.280
And whatever you're thinking is not true.

1496
01:34:48.280 --> 01:34:48.840
It's a lie.

1497
01:34:53.800 --> 01:34:59.800
And so I think that is a very, it is important to operate in the grace.

1498
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.240
you have for where you are. Because when you become impatient, you will go into accusing God

1499
01:35:06.240 --> 01:35:12.240
and believing that he should do what you want when you don't have a clue of what awaits you

1500
01:35:12.240 --> 01:35:17.440
in the next year, five years, 10 years, 15 years. You don't know what's there, but he does.

1501
01:35:18.000 --> 01:35:24.240
And he knows what this time is going to do, what he needs to cultivate in you. You said that you

1502
01:35:24.240 --> 01:35:30.160
wanted to, God wants to restore some things in you, some things that were lost in your marriage.

1503
01:35:30.160 --> 01:35:34.800
There needs to be some upgrades that happens in your life, Rosanna. There needs to be upgrades

1504
01:35:34.800 --> 01:35:41.120
because you're going to have to choose a suitor. And you want to be able to choose a suitor that

1505
01:35:41.120 --> 01:35:48.560
is at the level that you've come up to and not the one you're just sitting at. Right. And so

1506
01:35:48.560 --> 01:35:53.760
think about it that way. If you want to dive into purpose, when you get a husband,

1507
01:35:54.320 --> 01:35:59.600
you already have to care for your children. They come first, then it's going to be a husband,

1508
01:35:59.600 --> 01:36:04.240
right? And God is first of all, but you're going to have to deal with the domestic things of your

1509
01:36:04.240 --> 01:36:11.280
life. And so the Lord is telling you to get ready. So in getting ready and you believe that it's

1510
01:36:11.280 --> 01:36:17.040
coming soon and things do happen soon with God, we think, oh, when you look back, oh, it was a

1511
01:36:17.040 --> 01:36:21.440
year when he spoke that and now it's happening. But when you're in that year, you're tracking day

1512
01:36:21.440 --> 01:36:28.160
for day, right? So it feels like it's so far away, but you have the time now to enjoy yourself,

1513
01:36:28.160 --> 01:36:32.800
show up in your high school reunion, looking fine, to flirt with anybody you want to flirt with,

1514
01:36:32.800 --> 01:36:39.200
to enjoy yourself. God wants to restore the years that the canker worm and the locust ate up.

1515
01:36:39.200 --> 01:36:45.200
Let him have his way in your life because things will change and he will give your children a

1516
01:36:45.200 --> 01:36:49.600
father and he will give them a father, a man that's after his own heart. So they will be

1517
01:36:49.600 --> 01:36:56.000
raised up in righteousness, in truth, and have integrity and value. He's going to do that. He

1518
01:36:56.000 --> 01:37:01.840
wants them to have a father. And so I think that this is a really good time for you to enjoy

1519
01:37:01.840 --> 01:37:09.360
yourself. And so Lord is sending someone to help you to lighten the load. You carry a lot, right?

1520
01:37:09.360 --> 01:37:14.720
And so, um, I believe that God is with you and I believe that this is a season of restoration

1521
01:37:14.720 --> 01:37:20.400
and so enjoy it because it will be short and I believe it's going to be shorter than you know.

1522
01:37:20.400 --> 01:37:24.720
And so, um, because of that, seek the Lord with everything in you,

1523
01:37:26.720 --> 01:37:32.560
tell him to come into your life and lead you and draw you closer to him so that you can see the

1524
01:37:32.560 --> 01:37:40.160
purpose in the plan he has for you spiritually, ministry wise, while you have the capacity for it.

1525
01:37:41.120 --> 01:37:46.720
Okay. Yeah. Cause there's not a guy taking my time. And even with Noah, like he's, he's unplugged

1526
01:37:46.720 --> 01:37:50.960
for a bit and that's actually been nice and in a pleasant way, like my time isn't occupied

1527
01:37:50.960 --> 01:37:55.760
talking to my friends. Right. Um, but it's been, I feel I'm like, Lord, what are you up to? Because

1528
01:37:55.760 --> 01:38:00.080
I think he's even, he's pouring it to me while that's, you know, and I, and I love that. So

1529
01:38:00.080 --> 01:38:05.360
thank you for, for saying that. And I guess I could just know I can go on dates and look fly

1530
01:38:05.360 --> 01:38:13.280
and flirt with dudes on my reunion too. And then be like, Oh, Hey, that was fun. Yeah. And I want,

1531
01:38:13.280 --> 01:38:18.000
I want a high caliber man. Cause I'm a fly dope woman. Like the way that he's allowed me to see

1532
01:38:18.000 --> 01:38:22.160
myself guys, I would not have said this about myself even before the program, to be quite

1533
01:38:22.160 --> 01:38:28.560
honest. Like I'm, I'm, I, I am glad that I'm speaking in truth and you know what I'm going

1534
01:38:28.560 --> 01:38:32.560
to put on Facebook. There's this thing that I love and I'm finally feeling like I could do it.

1535
01:38:32.560 --> 01:38:37.120
It says, would I date a woman like me? And then the quote on the bottom says, I would go to war

1536
01:38:37.120 --> 01:38:41.520
for a woman like me. And I was like, I can actually tell you that's exactly how I feel. Like any man

1537
01:38:41.520 --> 01:38:46.640
who gets me, like, how did I get you? How did no guy blah, blah, blah. And some of it might be that

1538
01:38:46.640 --> 01:38:51.760
they're not ready for the challenge of rising up to excellence because I have done the hard work

1539
01:38:51.760 --> 01:38:56.800
I've put in those tears and I'm, we're all doing that right now. And I'm so proud of that level.

1540
01:38:56.800 --> 01:39:02.160
And I certainly, I want a man, honestly, I want someone up higher so that I can be challenged

1541
01:39:02.160 --> 01:39:06.240
because I'll bulldoze over a dude. Like I don't have patience for it. I need somebody strong

1542
01:39:06.240 --> 01:39:11.120
because I'm very strong and I'm okay having a man stronger than me. I want a man stronger than me.

1543
01:39:11.120 --> 01:39:17.360
That's fine. But just so that he also recognizes that I equal in a different, perhaps challenge

1544
01:39:17.360 --> 01:39:22.320
him in a different way that he's like, man, I can't do what she does, but I, I offer something

1545
01:39:22.320 --> 01:39:26.560
else. But I, and I look at him and being like, I respect who he is because I am not able to do that.

1546
01:39:27.440 --> 01:39:31.200
And that we can grow together and challenge one another to grow closer to the Lord and be a

1547
01:39:31.200 --> 01:39:37.200
kingdom, kingdom family, right? I want a kingdom marriage, kingdom kids, like let's do this. So

1548
01:39:37.840 --> 01:39:43.440
thank you. It's just, I'm speaking with elevation now because this program, EMDR and this program,

1549
01:39:43.440 --> 01:39:50.480
I had the breakthrough happen right before I came to, to Jackie's program. So it's like he,

1550
01:39:50.480 --> 01:39:55.120
he worked in tandem with this. So thank you for sharing that and, and just being awesome. You,

1551
01:39:55.120 --> 01:39:59.600
you and, and all the coaches have been incredible. So thank you.

1552
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.520
Thank you for reminding me of that and to pour into the Lord so that I can,

1553
01:40:03.520 --> 01:40:09.440
while I'm at capacity, to focus on Him with a man not being a distraction for me. I'll just

1554
01:40:09.440 --> 01:40:12.000
date a couple of them and go on dates. That'll be fun.

1555
01:40:12.960 --> 01:40:14.800
It will be fun. Have fun.

1556
01:40:14.800 --> 01:40:15.360
Thank you.

1557
01:40:15.360 --> 01:40:17.040
You won't be single ever again.

1558
01:40:18.000 --> 01:40:18.560
You're right.

1559
01:40:18.560 --> 01:40:19.760
We have to remember that.

1560
01:40:20.320 --> 01:40:20.640
You're right.

1561
01:40:20.640 --> 01:40:22.320
You won't be single ever again.

1562
01:40:22.320 --> 01:40:22.880
Okay.

1563
01:40:22.880 --> 01:40:23.280
All right.

1564
01:40:24.160 --> 01:40:29.680
You're welcome. And ladies, it is 8 40. We end at 8 30. I'm not about to cut you and Tiffany out,

1565
01:40:30.160 --> 01:40:34.800
but feel free. I put it in the chat. Feel free to be dismissed. I'm not holding you.

1566
01:40:34.800 --> 01:40:36.800
I don't want you to think you have to stay.

1567
01:40:36.800 --> 01:40:40.720
Okay. I know you ladies have been working all day or whatever.

1568
01:40:40.720 --> 01:40:41.600
Go for it, Gail.

1569
01:40:42.880 --> 01:40:45.520
Yeah. I hope you say what I want you to say.

1570
01:40:46.640 --> 01:40:50.320
Oh, okay.

1571
01:40:50.320 --> 01:40:54.400
So look, I have a local guy and a distant guy.

1572
01:40:54.400 --> 01:41:01.360
And, uh, I, um, two weeks ago or so told the distant guy that we were just friends and, um,

1573
01:41:03.440 --> 01:41:08.720
said to go, I would go exclusive with, um, the local guy who I've known for three months.

1574
01:41:08.720 --> 01:41:09.600
I mean, and I'm saying,

1575
01:41:10.960 --> 01:41:11.200
Huh?

1576
01:41:12.160 --> 01:41:13.520
You pick one.

1577
01:41:13.520 --> 01:41:18.240
I picked one, but I think I picked poorly. Um, that's my question.

1578
01:41:18.880 --> 01:41:23.680
I, is this that you pick the one that y'all be like the grandchildren softball games?

1579
01:41:23.680 --> 01:41:28.720
Yes. Yes. You know, I see him. I mean, I've been seeing him it's three months,

1580
01:41:28.720 --> 01:41:33.440
but I've been seeing him six. I mean, both retired. So I see him like six days out of seven.

1581
01:41:33.440 --> 01:41:39.040
That's how, and then he goes to my church. So, um, it's intense. He's kind of, um,

1582
01:41:41.120 --> 01:41:46.640
smoothed his way into my family and friends and church. Okay. And it's been okay. Except,

1583
01:41:47.520 --> 01:41:56.000
except I mentioned to, to, uh, last week in the afternoon group to, um, I forget her name now,

1584
01:41:56.000 --> 01:42:03.600
but anyways, I mentioned to her that I, uh, I still am keeping the distant guy is friend.

1585
01:42:03.600 --> 01:42:09.200
We still, you know, he was hurt, but he said, you know, I still want to be your friend. Um,

1586
01:42:09.200 --> 01:42:16.640
but the thing is, is, um, Easter, the local guy that I went exclusive with

1587
01:42:16.640 --> 01:42:26.160
is now trying to become more physical. His hands are starting to wander and I have corrected him.

1588
01:42:27.200 --> 01:42:34.720
I can see you laughing, but it's been a battle. I even went to my pastor and told him, you know,

1589
01:42:35.280 --> 01:42:40.560
what am I going to do? It's like, I feel like I've got, I'm, I'm, I go in for a kiss and it's

1590
01:42:40.560 --> 01:42:47.120
like, I'm with an octopus, you know? And I'm like, and so I keep covering myself and saying,

1591
01:42:47.120 --> 01:42:53.440
this is for my future husband. I literally, this is for my future husband. Stop your hands. And,

1592
01:42:53.440 --> 01:42:59.600
and it's like smooth, you know, coming in through the side, you know? And he knows,

1593
01:43:00.000 --> 01:43:08.000
I tell him over and over my strong beliefs and he knows it. He knows it, but I feel like now

1594
01:43:08.000 --> 01:43:13.200
it's a disrespect. And when I talked with my pastor about it, it was quite embarrassing,

1595
01:43:14.000 --> 01:43:19.520
but I, he said, Gail, he's a new Christian. You have to keep your standards up here.

1596
01:43:19.520 --> 01:43:25.440
Don't drop them to his standards, but keep maintaining them. But I don't, I guess I don't

1597
01:43:25.840 --> 01:43:31.600
I don't, I guess I don't feel like I should be constantly maintaining them. There should be

1598
01:43:31.600 --> 01:43:39.520
an area of respect, like, and not have to battle with him in, you know, not every day, but almost

1599
01:43:39.520 --> 01:43:49.360
every, you know? And so I'm going to really, this is ridiculous, but I had a dress on, on Easter.

1600
01:43:50.240 --> 01:43:55.280
We came to my house after going out to eat and he literally, and I'm going to show,

1601
01:43:55.280 --> 01:44:00.960
he literally quickly has like caught his finger on my top and pulled it out and looked down.

1602
01:44:02.720 --> 01:44:07.040
And I slapped, not him, not across the face, but I slapped his hand. I said, stop.

1603
01:44:07.840 --> 01:44:14.080
And honestly, now I'm really wondering if I made a good choice. I mean,

1604
01:44:14.960 --> 01:44:24.480
I feel like I'm disrespected totally. And then second of all, he has this female friend

1605
01:44:26.320 --> 01:44:33.600
that has been a family friend for 27, 37 years, actually. He does, she has a large estate and he's

1606
01:44:33.600 --> 01:44:41.600
the grounds and, and building maintenance man on it. And I'm finding out, I found out

1607
01:44:41.760 --> 01:44:47.360
yesterday, I believe that like, he'll say good morning and good at night to me. He'll check in

1608
01:44:47.360 --> 01:44:52.240
good morning, good night. Well, he does the same. And so he was showing me something on his phone

1609
01:44:52.240 --> 01:45:00.080
and I, something popped up like from her. And I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what it is.

1610
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:00.840
He said, what are you doing?

1611
01:45:00.840 --> 01:45:03.480
He says, well, we, we talk every day and we, you know,

1612
01:45:03.480 --> 01:45:06.000
I said, so you say good morning and good night every day

1613
01:45:06.000 --> 01:45:06.920
and talk in between.

1614
01:45:06.920 --> 01:45:08.080
He said, yeah.

1615
01:45:08.080 --> 01:45:10.080
And I said, well, it kind of bothers me.

1616
01:45:11.280 --> 01:45:15.680
And so now I'm really feeling like I'm getting red flags,

1617
01:45:15.680 --> 01:45:18.440
even though it's been going so good for so long.

1618
01:45:20.020 --> 01:45:22.600
So that's my question, help.

1619
01:45:22.600 --> 01:45:23.600
Yeah.

1620
01:45:23.600 --> 01:45:26.960
So, you know, everything goes so good for so long

1621
01:45:26.960 --> 01:45:28.560
to about the three month mark,

1622
01:45:28.560 --> 01:45:30.920
sometimes four, fifth month mark.

1623
01:45:30.920 --> 01:45:34.960
And then people kind of show up as they are, right?

1624
01:45:34.960 --> 01:45:36.360
And then you made a choice.

1625
01:45:36.360 --> 01:45:40.640
You said that we're, we're exclusive,

1626
01:45:40.640 --> 01:45:42.380
but you're going to have to deal with this.

1627
01:45:42.380 --> 01:45:44.560
And so you, you can tell him,

1628
01:45:44.560 --> 01:45:46.240
you can tell him you want to come out

1629
01:45:46.240 --> 01:45:48.060
of exclusivity right now.

1630
01:45:48.060 --> 01:45:48.960
You have that choice.

1631
01:45:48.960 --> 01:45:51.880
You don't have to stay in a relationship with him, Gail.

1632
01:45:51.880 --> 01:45:52.720
Right?

1633
01:45:52.720 --> 01:45:54.120
No, I don't have to.

1634
01:45:54.120 --> 01:45:55.120
You don't have to.

1635
01:45:55.120 --> 01:45:56.200
You can say, hey,

1636
01:45:56.200 --> 01:45:58.240
I've asked you not to touch me several times.

1637
01:45:58.240 --> 01:46:01.000
You came into my home and you looked down my dress.

1638
01:46:01.000 --> 01:46:04.240
That made me, that was disrespectful

1639
01:46:04.240 --> 01:46:07.520
to look upon my body in that way without my permission.

1640
01:46:07.520 --> 01:46:10.520
And I'm making a decision to end this relationship.

1641
01:46:11.800 --> 01:46:13.640
I will not move forward with a man

1642
01:46:13.640 --> 01:46:15.400
who does not honor my body.

1643
01:46:15.400 --> 01:46:17.520
I am marriage minded

1644
01:46:17.520 --> 01:46:21.200
and there's no way we can continue on this way.

1645
01:46:21.200 --> 01:46:23.400
And obviously he's going to say, I won't do it again

1646
01:46:23.400 --> 01:46:26.400
or okay, all right, if this is what you want to do.

1647
01:46:26.400 --> 01:46:28.200
And then you're going to say, yes.

1648
01:46:28.200 --> 01:46:30.880
Now, if he says, okay, I'll keep my hands off of you.

1649
01:46:30.880 --> 01:46:34.120
You can decide if you want to move forward.

1650
01:46:34.120 --> 01:46:35.980
And he says that he won't do that again,

1651
01:46:35.980 --> 01:46:39.120
but you said you've expressed this to him several times.

1652
01:46:39.120 --> 01:46:41.100
People do what we allow them to do.

1653
01:46:43.320 --> 01:46:45.780
Yeah, actually I've been, I honestly,

1654
01:46:45.780 --> 01:46:48.120
I'm constantly like going like this.

1655
01:46:48.120 --> 01:46:49.400
But that's what I'm saying.

1656
01:46:49.400 --> 01:46:51.080
It's very uncomfortable.

1657
01:46:51.080 --> 01:46:52.760
But this shouldn't be the case.

1658
01:46:53.400 --> 01:46:56.200
The first time, I'll give first time.

1659
01:46:56.200 --> 01:46:59.840
The second time he did something to violate you that way,

1660
01:47:00.800 --> 01:47:04.760
automatically, he shouldn't be in your home.

1661
01:47:04.760 --> 01:47:06.180
He shouldn't be alone with you

1662
01:47:06.180 --> 01:47:07.840
where you couldn't fight him out for.

1663
01:47:07.840 --> 01:47:08.920
Like it don't even have,

1664
01:47:08.920 --> 01:47:11.080
we shouldn't even have to think like this.

1665
01:47:11.080 --> 01:47:12.200
This is an adult.

1666
01:47:12.200 --> 01:47:15.840
You told him don't put, he shouldn't put his hands on you.

1667
01:47:15.840 --> 01:47:17.760
And so you've been dealing with this too long.

1668
01:47:17.760 --> 01:47:20.120
And if you want to know my thoughts is

1669
01:47:20.120 --> 01:47:21.420
he needs to be cut out.

1670
01:47:23.400 --> 01:47:24.480
He's not a child

1671
01:47:24.480 --> 01:47:27.480
and he's going to do what you allow him to do.

1672
01:47:27.480 --> 01:47:28.400
That's all he's doing.

1673
01:47:28.400 --> 01:47:30.160
Knowing you're doing what you allow him to do

1674
01:47:30.160 --> 01:47:32.960
and you shouldn't be fighting out for an adult.

1675
01:47:32.960 --> 01:47:33.800
Okay.

1676
01:47:35.240 --> 01:47:36.080
Okay.

1677
01:47:36.080 --> 01:47:40.240
Mac, God forbid you ever have a weak moment.

1678
01:47:40.240 --> 01:47:43.960
It's over for you, right?

1679
01:47:44.880 --> 01:47:45.720
There's no restraint.

1680
01:47:45.720 --> 01:47:49.680
Right now I'm feeling, right now my emotions.

1681
01:47:49.680 --> 01:47:51.960
I mean, I honestly, I told him I loved him

1682
01:47:51.960 --> 01:47:53.560
and I felt I loved him

1683
01:47:53.560 --> 01:47:55.720
but now the walls are starting to come up.

1684
01:47:57.120 --> 01:47:59.680
Well, again, you can love somebody and leave them.

1685
01:48:02.160 --> 01:48:03.360
You don't have to put up a wall.

1686
01:48:03.360 --> 01:48:06.860
You put up a boundary because if you put up walls

1687
01:48:06.860 --> 01:48:09.320
you're going to take that to the next man.

1688
01:48:09.320 --> 01:48:12.880
How about you submit to boundaries for your own life?

1689
01:48:12.880 --> 01:48:15.280
And the boundary you set for your life is

1690
01:48:15.280 --> 01:48:17.320
I don't have sex before marriage.

1691
01:48:17.320 --> 01:48:19.000
You don't get to touch my body.

1692
01:48:19.000 --> 01:48:19.960
We don't do these things.

1693
01:48:19.960 --> 01:48:22.520
If you agree to do kisses with him

1694
01:48:22.520 --> 01:48:24.520
now it's time to take that back.

1695
01:48:24.520 --> 01:48:27.200
He doesn't get the privilege to give you a kiss anymore.

1696
01:48:27.200 --> 01:48:29.160
You are not an octopus.

1697
01:48:29.160 --> 01:48:31.480
He doesn't get to suck all over your face.

1698
01:48:31.480 --> 01:48:34.960
He doesn't know how to store what you giving him well

1699
01:48:34.960 --> 01:48:37.480
so that he doesn't get access.

1700
01:48:39.080 --> 01:48:40.400
Okay.

1701
01:48:40.400 --> 01:48:41.240
Yep.

1702
01:48:41.240 --> 01:48:43.360
He didn't get access to your body that way.

1703
01:48:43.360 --> 01:48:45.920
And so it's not about if you made a mistake

1704
01:48:45.920 --> 01:48:49.960
it's about you went exclusive and now you see more.

1705
01:48:49.960 --> 01:48:52.480
Now you get to make a decision.

1706
01:48:52.480 --> 01:48:54.280
So that's what this stage is about.

1707
01:48:54.280 --> 01:48:56.160
You start talking about what you want from marriage

1708
01:48:56.160 --> 01:48:57.000
where are you headed?

1709
01:48:57.000 --> 01:48:58.360
You let him take you off the market

1710
01:48:58.360 --> 01:49:00.080
because you were marriage minded.

1711
01:49:00.080 --> 01:49:01.760
So that means you're not looking for somebody

1712
01:49:01.760 --> 01:49:02.880
to make out with.

1713
01:49:02.880 --> 01:49:05.240
You're actually progressing toward the altar

1714
01:49:05.240 --> 01:49:07.200
talking about hard things.

1715
01:49:07.200 --> 01:49:10.120
And now you see that he didn't understand boundaries.

1716
01:49:10.120 --> 01:49:12.020
That's just not in touching your body.

1717
01:49:12.960 --> 01:49:14.320
He ain't gonna honor your boundaries

1718
01:49:14.320 --> 01:49:15.840
in a whole lot of more areas.

1719
01:49:17.360 --> 01:49:18.200
Okay.

1720
01:49:18.200 --> 01:49:20.200
Because he's showing a dishonor for boundaries.

1721
01:49:22.160 --> 01:49:23.640
Yeah.

1722
01:49:23.640 --> 01:49:25.560
Yeah, cause it just started actually when

1723
01:49:25.560 --> 01:49:28.080
I have to almost pinpoint it.

1724
01:49:28.080 --> 01:49:32.480
When I went exclusive with him

1725
01:49:32.480 --> 01:49:36.320
and told the distant guy that, you know

1726
01:49:36.320 --> 01:49:37.800
we could just be friends.

1727
01:49:37.800 --> 01:49:40.560
It was not a romantic relationship.

1728
01:49:40.560 --> 01:49:42.840
I believe that's when he took

1729
01:49:42.840 --> 01:49:44.800
started taking liberties like that.

1730
01:49:47.240 --> 01:49:48.600
It wasn't all along.

1731
01:49:48.600 --> 01:49:51.800
It was just within the last couple of weeks.

1732
01:49:51.800 --> 01:49:54.600
Yeah, but that's not right.

1733
01:49:54.600 --> 01:49:56.720
And it's only gonna get worse.

1734
01:49:56.720 --> 01:49:59.040
You've already talked to your pastor about it.

1735
01:49:59.040 --> 01:49:59.880
Yeah.

1736
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.760
your pastor was right you got to hold up high standards and yeah he'll he'll have to sit on

1737
01:50:05.760 --> 01:50:10.640
the sideline until he comes to himself okay and you can evaluate if there's something you want

1738
01:50:10.640 --> 01:50:19.360
to move forward in now the distant guy so if i so i'm like basically choosing either drop him off or

1739
01:50:20.240 --> 01:50:26.640
reduce to friend level until he is that what you're saying i can reduce him to a friend level

1740
01:50:27.040 --> 01:50:35.200
um or just to get rid of him completely that's up to you now i don't do keep it i don't i don't

1741
01:50:35.200 --> 01:50:44.560
keep lovers as friends okay well yeah i don't consider him a lover i guess a lovers i feel

1742
01:50:44.560 --> 01:50:50.800
as somebody that has had sex and all that but oh no you told him that you loved him so in your mind

1743
01:50:50.800 --> 01:50:55.040
you're gonna go get in a relationship with another man and keep the man around that you also said you

1744
01:50:55.040 --> 01:51:00.560
loved okay keep the man around this look down your dress keep the rain around that soaks your

1745
01:51:00.560 --> 01:51:05.120
face you think you're gonna keep him as a friend what does he have that you want from him as a

1746
01:51:05.120 --> 01:51:11.760
friend how can he help you grow how can he help you be better okay so when i say i'm gonna keep

1747
01:51:11.760 --> 01:51:18.320
somebody as a friend what does he carry that you value that you want in your life as your friend

1748
01:51:18.480 --> 01:51:26.880
so you can say i'm oh go ahead answer the question i'm sorry oh i'm just saying uh

1749
01:51:27.600 --> 01:51:35.920
comrade camaraderie without the physical um so you know somebody hang out well companionship

1750
01:51:36.960 --> 01:51:42.640
companionship uh okay since we're at church i don't know you know that's a whole thing he's

1751
01:51:42.640 --> 01:51:50.000
gotten friends with people at church yeah i know how do you navigate this i don't know

1752
01:51:50.000 --> 01:51:55.680
no no gail this is all part of the process you decide to date someone you went exclusive with

1753
01:51:55.680 --> 01:51:59.840
them he came in with a part of your church family this is a part of it it's just like

1754
01:51:59.840 --> 01:52:03.920
when you get to the end and you decide you know somebody is not going to be well to marry you all

1755
01:52:03.920 --> 01:52:06.960
of a sudden you keep them and you marry them because he ain't with your family now you gotta

1756
01:52:06.960 --> 01:52:13.840
say bye bye to the family bye bye that's just the way that thing works and i'm gonna tell you

1757
01:52:14.400 --> 01:52:19.280
the reason why i'm saying this to you you can keep him around for companionship but understand

1758
01:52:19.280 --> 01:52:24.400
that you're keeping him around to meet a need in your life to feel a place in your life that's

1759
01:52:24.400 --> 01:52:31.680
unhealthy okay that's unhealthy for you if you're gonna have to find companionship and camaraderie

1760
01:52:31.680 --> 01:52:38.400
in healthy community okay that's what you think i just need you to be clear on that now you can

1761
01:52:38.400 --> 01:52:44.480
tell him you dishonor my boundaries and we need to revisit exclusivity at a later time when you

1762
01:52:44.480 --> 01:52:50.960
can show me that you can honor my boundaries this means you cannot come to my house anymore

1763
01:52:50.960 --> 01:52:56.240
we will not be riding in cars together anymore like you gotta start pulling back stuff you gotta

1764
01:52:56.240 --> 01:53:03.360
strip some stuff back and you gotta make a hard push and you gotta stick so if he touches you

1765
01:53:03.360 --> 01:53:08.880
against it if you ever touch me again that's gonna be the end of this and you gotta be ready to follow

1766
01:53:08.880 --> 01:53:13.120
through on that but to say hey stay my friend and you think you made the bad decision you're gonna

1767
01:53:13.120 --> 01:53:17.120
go pick up the other man that you kept around as a friend like you want to keep friends around here

1768
01:53:17.200 --> 01:53:17.680
yeah

1769
01:53:21.200 --> 01:53:23.120
trying to keep you up for your fish on the line

1770
01:53:33.040 --> 01:53:39.840
i have a hard time letting go i really do you have a hard time letting go it's time to learn how to

1771
01:53:39.840 --> 01:53:45.120
let go because it seems like you're keeping someone in your life that doesn't value you or

1772
01:53:45.120 --> 01:53:50.960
honor you and if a man will open up your dress and look down your dress he will not value that

1773
01:53:50.960 --> 01:53:56.640
that's not what you desire for you i want you to reconsider what you want to keep around okay

1774
01:53:57.840 --> 01:54:04.800
good should i stay here or go to phase three as long as you come back and visit because i'm gonna

1775
01:54:04.800 --> 01:54:09.600
find out what's going on with you and these fish are sailing me from around your part

1776
01:54:10.000 --> 01:54:15.840
okay if i went into phase three can i come visit these or not yes you can always come

1777
01:54:15.840 --> 01:54:19.280
visit because amandee is in phase three i don't know she's still on the line but she's in phase

1778
01:54:19.280 --> 01:54:25.440
three okay okay yeah and you can always come back shelly are you in phase three also

1779
01:54:28.640 --> 01:54:35.360
i think she may be i don't know because i got the idea slide back over i am not in phase three no

1780
01:54:35.360 --> 01:54:42.400
i'm fully in phase two oh okay okay so do you have to slide back and forth or can you be in both

1781
01:54:43.040 --> 01:54:49.840
i mean can you participate you can participate i think you i don't know i better ask

1782
01:54:51.120 --> 01:54:59.120
yeah okay i don't i know you get access to the coaching yeah because we don't have events in

1783
01:54:59.120 --> 01:54:59.920
phase two all these

1784
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.520
Vents happen in phase three and sometimes.

1785
01:55:02.520 --> 01:55:04.560
Yeah, you can come back and forth.

1786
01:55:04.560 --> 01:55:05.900
Okay.

1787
01:55:05.900 --> 01:55:06.740
All right.

1788
01:55:06.740 --> 01:55:07.560
Thank you.

1789
01:55:07.560 --> 01:55:08.400
Okay.

1790
01:55:08.400 --> 01:55:09.240
Oh yeah, you can do both.

1791
01:55:09.240 --> 01:55:10.060
I'm in both.

1792
01:55:10.060 --> 01:55:11.440
Joanne said she's in both.

1793
01:55:11.440 --> 01:55:12.280
Okay, good.

1794
01:55:12.280 --> 01:55:13.100
Yeah.

1795
01:55:13.100 --> 01:55:13.940
Thank you.

1796
01:55:13.940 --> 01:55:14.760
Okay, we're gonna take,

1797
01:55:14.760 --> 01:55:15.600
you're welcome, we're gonna take Tiffany

1798
01:55:15.600 --> 01:55:18.080
for our last six minutes.

1799
01:55:18.080 --> 01:55:19.280
Go for it, Tiffany.

1800
01:55:19.280 --> 01:55:24.280
Okay, this should hopefully be short and sweet.

1801
01:55:24.760 --> 01:55:28.080
I need the truth of,

1802
01:55:28.120 --> 01:55:32.120
so my old vow was the one about the addiction,

1803
01:55:32.120 --> 01:55:35.840
that I will not date someone that has had an addiction

1804
01:55:35.840 --> 01:55:38.160
because I don't want them to fall back

1805
01:55:38.160 --> 01:55:39.960
and it wrecked life, right?

1806
01:55:39.960 --> 01:55:44.220
So when you said we have to own our part,

1807
01:55:45.800 --> 01:55:47.340
it offended my mind,

1808
01:55:49.560 --> 01:55:54.560
but so my last husband had been clean and sober

1809
01:55:55.560 --> 01:55:58.040
for 13 years.

1810
01:55:58.040 --> 01:56:02.160
I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia and several other things

1811
01:56:02.160 --> 01:56:06.760
and had been bedridden in constant pain for nine months.

1812
01:56:06.760 --> 01:56:09.520
No, nothing was helping.

1813
01:56:09.520 --> 01:56:14.520
And so he suggested that I try marijuana.

1814
01:56:14.560 --> 01:56:18.280
I've never, I'd never done it at that point.

1815
01:56:18.280 --> 01:56:21.840
I was absolutely desperate.

1816
01:56:21.880 --> 01:56:26.880
So thinking he's been clean and sober 13 years,

1817
01:56:27.280 --> 01:56:31.640
it's not, I didn't even think

1818
01:56:31.640 --> 01:56:34.720
about the possibility of any of that.

1819
01:56:34.720 --> 01:56:37.920
So that lasted like four or five days.

1820
01:56:37.920 --> 01:56:41.060
It gave me relief, but I hated the way I felt with it.

1821
01:56:41.060 --> 01:56:42.720
So I was like, I'll deal with the pain,

1822
01:56:42.720 --> 01:56:44.400
we'll figure this out.

1823
01:56:44.400 --> 01:56:47.120
So I shut that part down.

1824
01:56:47.120 --> 01:56:50.680
Well, little did I know that the door stayed open,

1825
01:56:50.680 --> 01:56:53.320
but I was so bedridden that there was so much time

1826
01:56:53.320 --> 01:56:55.280
where he was, you know, doing his own thing,

1827
01:56:55.280 --> 01:56:56.880
coming in and out of work,

1828
01:56:56.880 --> 01:57:01.560
that he started doing coke and stuff in the house.

1829
01:57:01.560 --> 01:57:04.800
And the Lord actually woke me up in the middle of the night

1830
01:57:04.800 --> 01:57:07.560
and actually like told me, get up,

1831
01:57:07.560 --> 01:57:10.400
go down the hallway and just stay.

1832
01:57:10.400 --> 01:57:15.400
And like, I actually watched the whole situation of him

1833
01:57:15.520 --> 01:57:18.000
having a dealer come to our home

1834
01:57:18.000 --> 01:57:21.000
and then him do all of that stuff in our kitchen

1835
01:57:21.000 --> 01:57:23.120
with me and my daughter in the home.

1836
01:57:23.120 --> 01:57:24.200
And so,

1837
01:57:31.840 --> 01:57:34.280
I take responsibility for that.

1838
01:57:36.840 --> 01:57:38.520
Like I opened that door.

1839
01:57:43.120 --> 01:57:45.080
But I don't know how to break that.

1840
01:57:45.080 --> 01:57:49.120
I don't know what the truth is to grab ahold of

1841
01:57:49.120 --> 01:57:53.160
because on the dating apps,

1842
01:57:53.160 --> 01:57:55.560
like I'll see this or that or whatever.

1843
01:57:55.560 --> 01:57:59.880
And I'm just like, nope, nope.

1844
01:58:02.120 --> 01:58:04.200
And I'm talking to a guy that I've talked to

1845
01:58:04.200 --> 01:58:09.200
for several days and I like what I'm, you know,

1846
01:58:09.740 --> 01:58:11.160
I like our interactions.

1847
01:58:11.160 --> 01:58:13.640
He's so respectful and honorable.

1848
01:58:14.480 --> 01:58:18.560
And I found myself, we had our first phone call last night

1849
01:58:18.560 --> 01:58:23.560
and I found myself praying that he, he told me,

1850
01:58:24.320 --> 01:58:26.400
he said, we were talking about, you know,

1851
01:58:26.400 --> 01:58:28.760
like being younger and he's like, yeah, you know,

1852
01:58:28.760 --> 01:58:31.720
I went and did the, all the crazy stuff.

1853
01:58:31.720 --> 01:58:34.200
And I found myself praying

1854
01:58:35.720 --> 01:58:38.480
that he wouldn't tell me what he had done

1855
01:58:39.440 --> 01:58:41.680
because I didn't want him to tell me

1856
01:58:41.680 --> 01:58:43.080
that he'd done any of that.

1857
01:58:45.280 --> 01:58:46.120
Yeah.

1858
01:58:49.880 --> 01:58:51.120
Well, I want to say something.

1859
01:58:51.120 --> 01:58:53.760
I'm glad you shared your heart.

1860
01:58:53.760 --> 01:58:57.200
And I think that I actually offended your heart

1861
01:58:57.200 --> 01:58:59.560
because not just your mind,

1862
01:58:59.560 --> 01:59:03.000
but the statement that I made needs to be cleaned up.

1863
01:59:03.000 --> 01:59:03.840
Right?

1864
01:59:03.840 --> 01:59:05.880
So when you say what part did you have to play,

1865
01:59:05.880 --> 01:59:07.960
you didn't, that wasn't your responsibility

1866
01:59:07.960 --> 01:59:10.120
that you tried, you get medical marijuana

1867
01:59:10.120 --> 01:59:11.720
for medical issues.

1868
01:59:11.720 --> 01:59:12.920
Okay.

1869
01:59:12.920 --> 01:59:15.680
And if there was a part to play,

1870
01:59:15.680 --> 01:59:18.560
maybe you would, this is your husband.

1871
01:59:18.560 --> 01:59:19.760
So you're going to go get counseling.

1872
01:59:19.760 --> 01:59:21.120
You're going to go get help.

1873
01:59:21.120 --> 01:59:23.520
You're going to do all of those things.

1874
01:59:24.520 --> 01:59:27.440
That's a real thing to help your spouse.

1875
01:59:28.280 --> 01:59:31.240
So this will be like, if you were enabling somebody

1876
01:59:31.240 --> 01:59:34.320
or if you didn't have accountability or things like that,

1877
01:59:34.320 --> 01:59:36.280
but Tiffany, no, I am sorry.

1878
01:59:36.280 --> 01:59:38.640
I offended your heart and I was wrong

1879
01:59:38.680 --> 01:59:41.040
because I wasn't talking about a situation like that,

1880
01:59:41.040 --> 01:59:42.400
but I could have put,

1881
01:59:42.400 --> 01:59:44.160
I should have put some clarity around it.

1882
01:59:44.160 --> 01:59:46.000
So thank you for sharing your heart.

1883
01:59:47.040 --> 01:59:51.280
And I want to tell you that I understand your heart

1884
01:59:51.280 --> 01:59:54.080
because my ex-husband was an addict.

1885
01:59:54.080 --> 01:59:57.600
My brother was an addict and my uncle was an addict.

1886
01:59:57.600 --> 02:00:00.080
And I don't have much capacity for people who.

1887
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:07.360
had addictions before. And so I understand your heart. When I look at a man, he looks like,

1888
02:00:07.360 --> 02:00:10.720
if he says, God has brought me from a long way, I just feel right on past it.

1889
02:00:12.880 --> 02:00:16.880
All I keep thinking is he's been on drugs. I ain't got time for this,

1890
02:00:16.880 --> 02:00:25.920
but that's the real thing. And I'm not. Yes. And so I know what it feels like. My ex-husband's

1891
02:00:25.920 --> 02:00:32.320
dealer would come to the door and I would have to pay him off to bring some type of

1892
02:00:32.320 --> 02:00:39.200
peace to my home. And so I understand. I hear your heart. I know. And I'm sorry. I'm so glad

1893
02:00:39.200 --> 02:00:45.840
you shared. I'm so glad you didn't take that with you because there's no responsibility in you

1894
02:00:45.840 --> 02:00:52.480
smoking marijuana to help you. Even if you had chosen to smoke marijuana for recreational

1895
02:00:52.480 --> 02:00:58.320
purposes, that was your choice as an adult, right? How would you know that it would set him

1896
02:00:58.320 --> 02:01:04.160
back? Or you didn't consider that or think about that because it was 13 years ago, right? And you

1897
02:01:04.160 --> 02:01:09.440
weren't even with him when he got clean and sober. Is that right? Correct. Right. And so you didn't

1898
02:01:09.440 --> 02:01:13.920
live that life with him. You would have been way more aware had you lived that life with him

1899
02:01:14.880 --> 02:01:20.720
or whatever. So, yeah, I'm so sorry, but no, I don't think that you have any responsibility in

1900
02:01:20.720 --> 02:01:26.640
that. And you were married. And so in marriage, we stand with our spouses and we try to give them

1901
02:01:26.640 --> 02:01:31.760
help. And that's what marriage is. And that's what love is. And even when I think that I don't

1902
02:01:32.400 --> 02:01:38.160
if I had to take some responsibility for it, I don't know what it would be. I worked my I wanted

1903
02:01:38.160 --> 02:01:45.040
him to get help. I understand addictions. I've had a lot of addicts in my family. Like I said,

1904
02:01:45.040 --> 02:01:52.400
I have some history with it. And so I wanted him to get help. And I think he was addicted to

1905
02:01:52.400 --> 02:02:00.160
cocaine and addictions are very, very strong. I applaud anybody who comes out with their life.

1906
02:02:01.680 --> 02:02:04.640
Because it's not a cakewalk and it ain't just get the wheel power.

1907
02:02:06.560 --> 02:02:13.040
You know, so, yeah, but I understand you. Oh, it's kind of like the example I gave.

1908
02:02:13.680 --> 02:02:18.160
They all surely says that her former husband was a drug addict. Also, if you grew up with an

1909
02:02:18.160 --> 02:02:26.160
alcoholic father, the chances of you dating a man that drinks alcohol is going to be really hard.

1910
02:02:28.000 --> 02:02:32.160
And you don't have to override that. I just don't think a little girl who's lived with abuse her

1911
02:02:32.160 --> 02:02:37.280
whole life from a father or watch her father beat her mom because of alcohol. I just don't think

1912
02:02:37.360 --> 02:02:42.560
I just don't think this is a hard change of her. You being able to override it,

1913
02:02:43.200 --> 02:02:48.320
you know, and so it's OK to like.

1914
02:02:53.040 --> 02:02:59.120
I just say I just believe that there is a challenge and you get to choose if you don't

1915
02:02:59.120 --> 02:03:05.440
want to date somebody who's been an addict before. You get to say, oh, when they tell

1916
02:03:05.440 --> 02:03:08.960
you they've been an addict before, you can rejoice with them and be like you glad that

1917
02:03:08.960 --> 02:03:14.160
they were. But you know how to not allow that relationship to go any further. That's your

1918
02:03:14.160 --> 02:03:19.840
choice. Like you get everybody gets to set their own non-negotiables.

1919
02:03:21.600 --> 02:03:25.360
Jackie always says it's better to have non-negotiables that are from heaven.

1920
02:03:26.240 --> 02:03:32.320
Those are going to be your best non-negotiables. But everybody gets to set their own non-negotiables.

1921
02:03:32.320 --> 02:03:39.360
They're yours. They're yours. And you can run them by somebody and say, hey, is this something

1922
02:03:39.360 --> 02:03:45.280
I can work with? Is this something that's pliable, bendable? You know, I can't, you know,

1923
02:03:45.280 --> 02:03:50.320
work with a person. But you get to have your own non-negotiables. It's your right.

1924
02:03:51.040 --> 02:03:59.200
Nobody can take it from you. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. So I hear your heart in there.

1925
02:03:59.200 --> 02:04:06.320
And please forgive me for accusing you of having a role to play in that. I am sorry. Of course.

1926
02:04:07.920 --> 02:04:15.840
Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm so glad you said something. But Lord,

1927
02:04:15.840 --> 02:04:22.240
would be more mindful. God is so kind to us. That was very kind of you. Yeah. Thank you so much.

1928
02:04:22.800 --> 02:04:28.320
Okay. Well, ladies, it has been great. Kathleen all the way to waving me back.

1929
02:04:30.320 --> 02:04:35.600
It's been so good. You are so welcome, ladies. You ladies are absolutely amazing. And Ms. Bunny,

1930
02:04:35.600 --> 02:04:39.760
you know, ladies, as we go for tonight, Ms. Bunny, what am I supposed to ask? What

1931
02:04:39.760 --> 02:04:44.720
keeps happening when you log on to that, try to get in the Grand Rapids, Michigan group?

1932
02:04:44.720 --> 02:05:00.080
Well, I applied for membership. So it shows on their screen that I'm pending.

1933
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:17.000
But I've never, I never heard from anybody. And it said, and I did text asking about my application to Bethany who is the administrator, and she never got back to me.

1934
02:05:17.000 --> 02:05:25.000
And it says there that there have not been any posts for the last month.

1935
02:05:25.000 --> 02:05:30.000
And so I'm wondering if it's a even active.

1936
02:05:30.000 --> 02:05:39.000
Jody says she's in the Grand Rapids group she just a Jody. I never went to anything I don't think they have at me anymore. Okay.

1937
02:05:39.000 --> 02:05:44.000
She only says family they have at me anymore.

1938
02:05:45.000 --> 02:05:56.000
What administration administrator. Oh, someone over the group, and that's why nobody's responded, because even Bethany wouldn't have access to it.

1939
02:05:56.000 --> 02:05:59.000
I think that Bethany.

1940
02:05:59.000 --> 02:06:04.000
I think Bethany moved to a different state.

1941
02:06:04.000 --> 02:06:08.000
Also, how can I get in the group.

1942
02:06:08.000 --> 02:06:15.000
There isn't another group that's even that it's two and a half hours away from me.

1943
02:06:15.000 --> 02:06:17.000
Yeah.

1944
02:06:17.000 --> 02:06:21.000
Three and a half hours.

1945
02:06:21.000 --> 02:06:29.000
I don't think there is a group anymore unfortunately I never went to anything because I did, I discovered it.

1946
02:06:30.000 --> 02:06:34.000
Okay, thank you Jody. Yeah.

1947
02:06:34.000 --> 02:06:38.000
Maybe somebody should take it.

1948
02:06:38.000 --> 02:06:42.000
Ebony, maybe somebody should take it off the list.

1949
02:06:42.000 --> 02:06:54.000
Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna shoot a message over to Bethany and see how they want to handle that and they may be actually looking for someone to actually feel the space before they take it out the list.

1950
02:06:55.000 --> 02:07:00.000
And so that's a real thing. Yeah, that's a, it will be better if someone fielded.

1951
02:07:00.000 --> 02:07:06.000
And, but maybe put a note up there like hey we're not active right now.

1952
02:07:06.000 --> 02:07:07.000
Right.

1953
02:07:07.000 --> 02:07:12.000
Yes, and it's the only one in the whole state.

1954
02:07:12.000 --> 02:07:15.000
Golly, Michigan a big state.

1955
02:07:15.000 --> 02:07:17.000
Yeah.

1956
02:07:17.000 --> 02:07:19.000
I'm sorry.

1957
02:07:19.000 --> 02:07:21.000
I'm sorry.

1958
02:07:21.000 --> 02:07:28.000
Jody was saying she hopes they keep it yeah I think it will be really nice to be kept more than.

1959
02:07:28.000 --> 02:07:31.000
Okay, I'm gonna work on it.

1960
02:07:31.000 --> 02:07:34.000
Yeah, you're welcome and thank you for being patient with us.

1961
02:07:34.000 --> 02:07:36.000
Absolutely.

1962
02:07:36.000 --> 02:07:37.000
Okay.

1963
02:07:37.000 --> 02:07:40.000
All right, ladies. Hey, I see you.

1964
02:07:40.000 --> 02:07:44.000
You don't never hear your camera but I'm happy to see you.

1965
02:07:44.000 --> 02:07:53.000
I hope that you're dating. You don't want you to send me an email and give me an update or something, I mean posting give me an update.

1966
02:07:53.000 --> 02:07:58.000
Alright ladies have a good night rest well.

1967
02:07:58.000 --> 02:08:00.000
Thank you Ebony.

1968
02:08:00.000 --> 02:08:02.000
You're welcome.