WEBVTT

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Okay, so welcome to April 16th session of dating, talking online dating, all dating,

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speed dating.

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And so buckle up.

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What I always start my sessions with is things that I see in the chat that get asked.

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And I'm like, ooh, that's a good topic in case people didn't see the answers, I want

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to like highlight them.

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So I always start with that.

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And we're going to do some scaling questions, I've got some questions for you to do some

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self inventory.

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And then we're going to do some role playing either you guys can ask me hard questions

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that you get stumped with on dates or phone calls.

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Or you're going to get in the seat and I get to ask you questions and I will put the timer

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on for two minutes and then give you my feedback afterwards.

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No shame in this game.

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So two rules of engagement for tonight.

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One, y'all like smile.

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Like I can't tell you how many times when you guys raise your hand, ask me or Jackie

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a question and y'all look like upset, like smile, someone's going to be watching this

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in replay.

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Like we want to like recommend y'all to other people.

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So you can't like look all broody and moody, like fake it, you know, just do your thing.

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So smile, smile and create energy right in the room.

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Number two, watch about how you guys talk about other people in this community.

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So this is a co-ed class.

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So if you have a question, when we get to questions, because I will allow for, I always

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allow for questions.

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When we get to questions, please do not say I'm dating this guy or this girl in the program

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and this is what they're doing that I don't like or whatever.

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We don't like, this has happened a few times and people have reached out to us after the

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fact and was like, oh my gosh, he was totally talking about me or she was totally talking

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about me.

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And it can feel really embarrassing because you're thinking nobody knew who you were talking

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about, but the person who's being talked about know it's them and so then they feel

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like everybody knows and so we want to be really kind.

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And so you don't have to tell us it's somebody from this community.

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You can say like, hey, I went on a date with a girl, that's it, we don't need to know that

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she's from here, but just realize she or he might be in the room.

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So let's just be kind when we have that conversation.

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Also since I don't have Cheryl, I will be periodically looking at the questions.

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And if I miss a question, feel free to raise your hand and make sure I get to you.

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My husband's flight was delayed and so he's on his way back.

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He's somewhere on the plane still.

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So you guys got my full attention tonight.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So I want to summarize the three words that Jackie gave last month and I want to give

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you a real life example.

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So how many remember in the love seats, Jackie talked about in the first 90 days, you're

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going to go after clarity, no, curiosity, clarity, commitment.

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You guys remember those three C's she said?

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The first, so she kind of talked about it, the first month is curiosity.

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So here's the thing you guys, when you're talking to somebody in that first month, you

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actually need to be talking to them.

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You actually need to see their face, whether it's on a video or in person.

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So I don't want anybody spending 30 days just texting somebody.

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So that is far too long.

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And now, and I saw somebody just posted about this and somebody said, I don't want to, like

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I don't want to go chasing, I'm dropping the hanky.

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I had a wonderful coaching call and she's on the call, so she'll know I'm talking about

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her, but she's like, I totally thought I dropped the hanky and I'm like, girl, that was not

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dropping the hanky.

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That was barely, that was barely dropping a tissue.

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I mean, it was like it floated in the air.

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And so to me, like, I feel like, especially with online dating, when you guys have texted

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for a few days, it is okay for you to say, Hey, look, just so you know, I'm enjoying

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talking to you, but a lot of questions I would rather ask when we can see or hear each other.

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I'm kind of a big fan of full communication.

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So whether we do that on video or in person, you know, by the end of the week, I really

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like to move to a live conversation.

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Is that something you're interested in?

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If they then go, Hey, give me your phone number.

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Do not.

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I know a lot of you get a Google voice number.

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You can still do that.

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But I'm saying to you, giving out your phone number at that step is not good enough because

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all you're going to do potentially is continue the texting conversation, right?

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You're not booking the video date.

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So if they say, well, give me your number, you just say, you know what, actually, I just

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like to, my preference is for us to see each other live first.

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So if that's on a video or in person, my preference is for us to do that.

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So there's no mistaking our tone and flexion and whatever.

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And after that first conversation where we can see each other's face, I'd be happy to

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give you my phone number.

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And they were like, well, Renee, what if they keep texting me

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and they don't book the video date or the live date?

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Then you just stop texting.

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It's really that simple.

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You just stop.

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You just say, hey, you know what?

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I really do want to keep this conversation going,

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but I'm not going to do it by text.

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And you then have to be willing for them to ditch you.

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But we don't care, because a guy or girl that's

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interested in you is actually going to want to book the date.

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OK.

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I've given out my number specifically

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saying to book a date.

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Well, oh.

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Yeah.

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I think that's different.

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And Chris, you're the guy.

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So hopefully, if you're getting phone numbers and giving it,

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you're actually locking down that call and video.

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OK.

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So that's the thing.

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So a lot of you are getting stuck in the texting.

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Like somebody's like, oh, we texted for three weeks.

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No, no.

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No, no.

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No, no.

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No more.

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You're not waiting three weeks.

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Because if the first month is curiosity,

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you need to see what they look like.

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You need to see how they dress.

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You want to see how they talk, what their diction is like,

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what their accent is like, what their mannerisms are like,

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how they treat the waiter.

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I mean, all of those things.

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Otherwise, you're just making up stuff in your head.

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So curiosity means you actually get to see them.

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OK.

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So that's the first one.

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And here's a perfect example of that.

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So when I met Brian, our, and I was actually

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really proud of myself.

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I know our relationship went at the speed of light,

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but we actually did follow Jackie's 30-30-30.

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So the first 30 days, Brian was on vacation

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for two of those weeks, and then I was on vacation.

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So we could only do two live dates in our first 30 days.

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So we did a lot of FaceTime dates.

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And once we FaceTimed the first time,

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we never not FaceTimed after that.

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Like every time we got on the call,

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it was we saw each other's face.

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And we probably broke all the rules

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on how long you're supposed to be on FaceTime

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and how many times a week you're supposed to talk to them.

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But here's what I can tell you what we didn't do.

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We did not text at all throughout the day.

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We did not do this texting thing.

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So we actually looked forward to talking to each other.

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And in the spirit of curiosity and not over-commitment

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and over-sharing, we asked a lot of present-day conversation

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things.

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We asked about our current life, what

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we like to do, where we were going.

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So we actually got to know each other today.

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I didn't learn too much about Brian 20 years ago,

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or even Brian six years ago.

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He didn't learn.

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He hardly learned about anything about Hope Clinic, which

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was my life for 20 years.

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Not in that first month, he got to know who Renee is today.

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The second month is clarity.

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So clarity means, are they saying what they mean?

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Are they meaning what they say?

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So at this point, you are paying attention

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to less to what they say and more what they do.

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So that's where their actions and their words

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need to line up.

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Also, for clarity, guess what you want to do for clarity?

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Put them in front of your people.

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Maybe not your mother and your father and your siblings.

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And maybe that's uncomfortable.

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Like, I actually found the first second.

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So of the second month, Brian came to town

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every single weekend.

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I found a godly married couple in the church

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to put him in front of.

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People that I knew, they weren't my besties.

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We did not hang out.

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But I was like, hey, I've been talking

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to this guy for a month.

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I think he's a good guy.

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But you know what?

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I'm not going to mess around, because I've

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picked some douchebags.

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So I'm not going to do that this time.

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I want your opinion.

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I want you guys to tell me if my picker is off.

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And so I kind of always made sure

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that we had alone time, doing fun activities,

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but we always met with other people.

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I did not pick my jaded single friends to meet him.

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I picked happy, healthy, godly married people to meet him.

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So that's clarity.

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Clarity is making sure his or her actions line up

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with their words.

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And you're putting people in front of them.

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And you're watching them in a group setting,

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whether it's at an escape game, at the bowling

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alley, at a restaurant.

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You're paying attention to how your person

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behaves with other people.

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So you don't want to have so many secluded dates

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in that second month.

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You're now starting to see what they're like out in the wild.

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And then, of course, third month is about commitment.

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Where is this going?

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You're not talking about marriage,

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but you're all like, hey, are we exclusive?

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Do we see this going somewhere?

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Is it a yes until it's no?

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And here's what I can tell you.

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And I learned this lesson the hard way.

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There was a man I was dating pretty early in this community.

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He was not in our community.

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But I was pretty early into our program.

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And I kept hearing, it's a yes until it's a no.

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It's a yes, no, until it's a no.

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You guys, I was never physically attracted to him.

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He was a sweet man, but I was never

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attracted to him, which made our phone calls.

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really easy and our video dates really easy,

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but it made our in-person dates a little uncomfortable.

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And it was way too easy to be abstinent.

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You know, if it's too easy to be abstinent,

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you know, you're like, eh, not so sure about that.

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And so I would say by the commitment,

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if you've been talking and hanging out

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for a couple of months,

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do not go exclusive and start talking about a future

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if at that point you have not grown some attraction.

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Like, so if it's now been 60 days out

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and you're like, yeah, I could sleep in the bed

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next to him or her and I probably wouldn't do anything.

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That might be a good sign that you've not connected.

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So I would be really careful by that point

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of starting to talk about the future

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with somebody that you don't wanna make out with.

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Now I can tell you, you know, six months married,

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you guys, sex is an important part of the marriage,

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but I promise you, Jackie always says this,

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you wanna marry your best friend and she is not wrong.

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Like, Brian's friendship with me

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matters way more than the sex.

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And so I don't want you to freak out

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about the whole sex thing.

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Okay, so those are the three things.

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Now I wanna go to seven quick hot topics.

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So these were the topics I saw in the feed.

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Actually, let me pause right there.

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Did anybody have any questions about curiosity phase,

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clarity phase, commitment phase?

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So I'm really just regurgitating what Jackie said,

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but I wanted to give you my real life experience.

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00:11:29.680 --> 00:11:31.600
Oh, in the commitment stage,

250
00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:34.680
that's when I started introducing Brian to my family

251
00:11:34.680 --> 00:11:37.200
and he started introducing me to his family.

252
00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:40.360
So that's when the families started to meet each other

253
00:11:40.360 --> 00:11:43.000
because we actually thought we wanted to make a commitment

254
00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:45.720
and we were like, man, you know what?

255
00:11:45.720 --> 00:11:47.160
I think you could be the one.

256
00:11:47.160 --> 00:11:48.440
I'll be okay if you're not the one,

257
00:11:48.440 --> 00:11:49.760
but I think I could see myself-

258
00:11:49.760 --> 00:11:51.320
Can you get my money for me, babe?

259
00:11:51.320 --> 00:11:53.000
That's where, okay.

260
00:11:53.000 --> 00:11:56.320
I need to mute somebody who's not muted.

261
00:11:56.320 --> 00:11:57.160
Okay.

262
00:11:57.160 --> 00:11:59.160
Okay, Tammy, what's your question, girl?

263
00:12:01.640 --> 00:12:02.480
Where'd you go?

264
00:12:03.680 --> 00:12:04.680
Tammy, did you have a question?

265
00:12:04.680 --> 00:12:05.520
Where'd you go?

266
00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:11.280
Trying to unmute, trying to unmute.

267
00:12:11.280 --> 00:12:12.120
Okay, then.

268
00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:13.920
Sorry.

269
00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:17.360
Yeah, I was trying to find the button.

270
00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:19.960
I've had several guys on Facebook dating

271
00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:24.360
right off the bat, ask me something like

272
00:12:24.360 --> 00:12:28.080
how affectionate I am with whoever the guy is that I'm with.

273
00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:29.640
And I'm thinking, why?

274
00:12:29.640 --> 00:12:30.840
Do you want to get your hands on me

275
00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:32.280
on our first date or something?

276
00:12:32.280 --> 00:12:33.120
Well, I mean-

277
00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:34.880
I don't understand why they ask that.

278
00:12:34.880 --> 00:12:38.600
Well, I mean, we kind of feel like it's pretty,

279
00:12:38.600 --> 00:12:40.560
I mean, usually, here's the thing.

280
00:12:40.560 --> 00:12:43.200
We don't need to know why they're asking you.

281
00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:46.600
Chances are either A, physical touch

282
00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:48.600
is a big part of their life.

283
00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:49.880
Whoever they were with

284
00:12:49.880 --> 00:12:52.040
wasn't giving them enough physical touch

285
00:12:52.040 --> 00:12:55.400
and or they cannot be satiated.

286
00:12:55.400 --> 00:12:56.720
And so they want too much.

287
00:12:56.720 --> 00:13:01.000
And so we usually see that as a orange, if not red flag,

288
00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:04.680
if somebody is asking about affection pretty early on.

289
00:13:04.680 --> 00:13:07.040
And so you can just,

290
00:13:07.040 --> 00:13:11.000
but how you can ward it off is just say something simple as,

291
00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:12.760
you know what, I'm really affectionate

292
00:13:12.760 --> 00:13:15.480
with the person that I'm in a committed relationship with,

293
00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:17.520
but that's definitely not something that I do

294
00:13:17.560 --> 00:13:20.280
in a discovery stage with somebody.

295
00:13:20.280 --> 00:13:22.520
And if they say, well, can you explain about that more?

296
00:13:22.520 --> 00:13:24.000
Actually, no, I can't.

297
00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:26.920
That's probably as much information as is appropriate

298
00:13:26.920 --> 00:13:30.120
at this point, since I'm just getting to know you.

299
00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:31.360
Then you lock it down.

300
00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:36.360
I promise you, if he doesn't care about that,

301
00:13:37.880 --> 00:13:39.040
he'll let it go.

302
00:13:39.040 --> 00:13:41.520
If he's all handsy and wants to have sex quickly,

303
00:13:41.520 --> 00:13:42.520
then he's going to move on

304
00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:44.880
and you just need to be okay with that.

305
00:13:44.880 --> 00:13:45.720
Jessica.

306
00:13:48.520 --> 00:13:51.040
Hey, yeah, thanks Renee.

307
00:13:51.040 --> 00:13:52.880
Mine is quick.

308
00:13:52.880 --> 00:13:57.880
What if you went on a date with a guy who's divorced?

309
00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.280
I'm just wondering, I think I know the answer,

310
00:14:00.280 --> 00:14:02.800
but in which phase that you just spoke about

311
00:14:02.800 --> 00:14:05.520
would I ask about that?

312
00:14:05.520 --> 00:14:06.720
Because certainly I'm curious,

313
00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:10.040
but I don't know if it comes in curiosity or in clarity.

314
00:14:11.040 --> 00:14:13.120
Definitely not in curiosity.

315
00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:18.280
So here's all I ask when I'm talking to a divorced person,

316
00:14:18.280 --> 00:14:20.360
when I would talk to a divorced person,

317
00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:23.160
what is the one thing that you've learned about yourself

318
00:14:23.160 --> 00:14:25.400
that you might do differently going forward

319
00:14:25.400 --> 00:14:27.200
in your next relationship?

320
00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:30.960
So I want to know less about the dirt

321
00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:33.120
and more about what they've learned.

322
00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:35.960
So I think that's a fair, curious question.

323
00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:37.560
What have you learned about yourself

324
00:14:37.560 --> 00:14:39.360
that you think you might do differently?

325
00:14:39.400 --> 00:14:43.480
Now, if they reply with something crappy about her

326
00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:45.880
or she does the same thing, guys,

327
00:14:45.880 --> 00:14:49.040
if she just answers that and craps on the person,

328
00:14:49.040 --> 00:14:52.040
that person has not owned their side of the street.

329
00:14:52.040 --> 00:14:55.480
So in that curiosity stage, nobody should be dumping.

330
00:14:55.480 --> 00:14:58.520
And you guys, this happens all the stinking time.

331
00:14:58.520 --> 00:15:00.520
I can't tell you how many girls and guys.

332
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.960
in this community, you find out on the first day that the ex has cheated.

333
00:15:05.240 --> 00:15:06.680
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

334
00:15:06.680 --> 00:15:09.360
You shouldn't be knowing that of a complete stranger.

335
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:10.800
Like, you don't need to know that.

336
00:15:10.800 --> 00:15:12.200
You can just say, you know what?

337
00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:16.360
I mean, because it's because there's no fast answer.

338
00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:21.000
And so I would say at the Curie, at the clarity stage

339
00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:25.040
and again at the clarity stage with Brian, I learned a little bit more.

340
00:15:25.280 --> 00:15:28.960
I started to learn a little bit more, but it really wasn't

341
00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:31.800
until the commitment month, the third month,

342
00:15:32.400 --> 00:15:35.880
that I finally had a better handle on what happened in his marriage.

343
00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:39.520
OK, so I was three months in in that.

344
00:15:40.160 --> 00:15:41.440
OK, so hopefully.

345
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:44.760
So it's like you're learning a little bit more each time.

346
00:15:44.760 --> 00:15:47.080
So it's not like nothing and then everything.

347
00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:48.600
It's like a little bit more.

348
00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:51.680
But I'm most concerned up front how healthy they are.

349
00:15:51.680 --> 00:15:53.280
Have they done their right?

350
00:15:53.280 --> 00:15:55.240
Are they going to do different?

351
00:15:55.240 --> 00:15:58.080
I'll take one more question and then I'm going to keep going.

352
00:15:58.080 --> 00:15:59.720
But Mel, you got it, girl.

353
00:16:01.680 --> 00:16:03.080
Hi, Renee, how are you?

354
00:16:03.080 --> 00:16:04.880
Can you hear me? I can.

355
00:16:04.880 --> 00:16:07.200
I'm sorry, I'm not camera ready because I'm cooking.

356
00:16:08.400 --> 00:16:12.680
But so at the beginning, I was wondering, what would you think or

357
00:16:13.400 --> 00:16:19.600
what advices would you give me in this case where I'm not dating yet this guy?

358
00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:24.040
But I think we like each other and we've been texting back and forth.

359
00:16:24.360 --> 00:16:28.080
And sometimes he takes like up to three days to reply back.

360
00:16:29.680 --> 00:16:33.280
No. Why are you guys just how long have you just been texting?

361
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:37.240
Not too long, maybe a month or two.

362
00:16:37.400 --> 00:16:40.880
OK, do you remember what I just said, like seven and a half minutes ago

363
00:16:40.880 --> 00:16:44.120
about how long you should be texting somebody before you see each other in person?

364
00:16:44.680 --> 00:16:47.200
We live in different states far away.

365
00:16:47.480 --> 00:16:49.640
Have you done a video chat? No.

366
00:16:49.920 --> 00:16:52.200
OK, so that's so my answer stays the same.

367
00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:58.120
If you guys are in different states, you text one week, two tops, two tops

368
00:16:59.000 --> 00:17:00.640
before you go, hey, you know what?

369
00:17:00.640 --> 00:17:02.840
I'm looking to date somebody in real life.

370
00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:06.599
So the next appropriate step would be to get on a video chat,

371
00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:08.839
especially if we're long distance.

372
00:17:08.839 --> 00:17:11.839
It's probably going to be a couple of months before we can see each other.

373
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:16.640
And just so just to remind you guys, Jackie and I are really big on

374
00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:20.359
if you are dating somebody long distance and you really like them,

375
00:17:20.359 --> 00:17:24.319
you've got to get that first visit in within that first 90 days.

376
00:17:24.760 --> 00:17:28.520
OK, because otherwise you're kind of dating a fantasy

377
00:17:28.640 --> 00:17:31.280
like you don't really know how they are in real life.

378
00:17:31.560 --> 00:17:35.800
And you could start to unload a lot of information about yourselves

379
00:17:35.800 --> 00:17:39.800
when only all you're doing is just talking and staring at each other on a screen.

380
00:17:40.520 --> 00:17:43.000
So that escalates things really, really fast.

381
00:17:43.000 --> 00:17:45.560
So one week, two weeks tops.

382
00:17:45.560 --> 00:17:49.360
You're going to switch it to, hey, I'm looking to date in real life.

383
00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:52.920
So the next step would be this.

384
00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:55.720
And they're either going to jump on board with you and get on a video

385
00:17:56.320 --> 00:17:58.920
or come meet you for coffee or they're not.

386
00:17:59.320 --> 00:18:03.000
And if somebody says to you, I can't really afford it.

387
00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:05.200
And here's the thing you have to think about, you guys,

388
00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:09.160
if you cannot afford to hop on a plane within 90 days

389
00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:11.680
to see somebody that you're starting to talk to,

390
00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:16.120
then I'm not sure you're financially able to be dating somebody that far away.

391
00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:20.400
You should only be talking to somebody a plane right away

392
00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:23.680
if you guys can afford to get on the plane to go see each other.

393
00:18:23.840 --> 00:18:24.680
Does that make sense?

394
00:18:24.680 --> 00:18:28.840
Like there's no dating somebody in there because like I will be honest with you

395
00:18:28.840 --> 00:18:31.560
guys while I'm in college, while I'm finishing seminary,

396
00:18:31.560 --> 00:18:33.280
I was really honest with Brian.

397
00:18:33.280 --> 00:18:36.880
I was like and there was actually a couple people I was talking to.

398
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:38.120
One was like out in L.A.

399
00:18:38.120 --> 00:18:39.320
And I'm like, just so you know,

400
00:18:39.320 --> 00:18:42.480
I don't really have the money right now to fly to you.

401
00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:45.040
So if you don't have the money to come see me, which I get,

402
00:18:45.040 --> 00:18:46.760
you might feel like that's not fair.

403
00:18:46.760 --> 00:18:50.960
Then we probably can't keep talking because it's just logistically

404
00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:53.320
not going to happen.

405
00:18:53.320 --> 00:18:56.760
So sometimes it's just you guys, sometimes it doesn't sound sexy,

406
00:18:56.760 --> 00:18:59.240
but it's just logic. It's just logistics.

407
00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:04.080
Like if you don't have the logistics today, it's why Jackie doesn't want

408
00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:08.560
two out of state people with kids, with parenting plans to even start dating.

409
00:19:08.760 --> 00:19:10.600
She's like, because if there's a clear

410
00:19:10.600 --> 00:19:14.040
parenting plan that keeps you three states away from each other,

411
00:19:14.840 --> 00:19:17.800
then y'all shouldn't be dating because she doesn't want either parent

412
00:19:17.800 --> 00:19:20.000
to take the kids away from the other parent.

413
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:21.000
You know what I'm saying?

414
00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:24.160
So sometimes it's just practical. It's not sexy and exciting.

415
00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:27.600
OK, so here's some of the hot topics I saw this this last month.

416
00:19:27.720 --> 00:19:29.560
First one, I picked seven.

417
00:19:29.560 --> 00:19:31.680
I was like to do God's holy number.

418
00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:37.120
OK, as somebody said, in essence, she said, I'm pretty successful.

419
00:19:37.120 --> 00:19:39.080
Got a great job, got money.

420
00:19:39.080 --> 00:19:41.200
And I always hear that I'm intimidating

421
00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:46.240
as somebody who used to be a CEO making good money and all that.

422
00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:48.280
Like I used to hear that a lot, too.

423
00:19:48.280 --> 00:19:54.680
And a lot of like a lot of women ran to the thing to say, it's not you, it's him.

424
00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:56.480
He's got a problem with you.

425
00:19:56.480 --> 00:20:00.040
So my answer is maybe, maybe.

426
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.400
Maybe it is him, maybe it is her.

427
00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:06.160
And here's the thing, we have to remember the energy,

428
00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:08.240
like for women, we have to remember

429
00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:10.880
we're supposed to come in with soft, feminine energy.

430
00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:12.760
So the question I would have,

431
00:20:12.760 --> 00:20:14.760
it's not that you have too many degrees,

432
00:20:14.760 --> 00:20:18.000
you're making too much money, you're too successful,

433
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:21.840
but are you bringing that masculine powerhouse energy

434
00:20:21.840 --> 00:20:26.080
into the room that's making him feel that way?

435
00:20:26.080 --> 00:20:28.440
So it's always a good opportunity

436
00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:31.200
before you assume he's the idiot,

437
00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:34.440
let's assume that you might need to check your spirit.

438
00:20:34.440 --> 00:20:39.000
So always go, what is there for me to learn?

439
00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:42.160
For men, you might be doing the same thing.

440
00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:45.080
You might be saying, oh my gosh, she's too much,

441
00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:47.640
she's too loud, she's too whatever.

442
00:20:47.640 --> 00:20:51.080
It's also an opportunity for you to check your spirit

443
00:20:51.080 --> 00:20:55.120
and go, am I showing up masculine enough?

444
00:20:55.120 --> 00:20:58.000
Or am I showing up passive?

445
00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:02.440
So usually, so whenever somebody says something

446
00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:05.280
and you're thinking, oh, I used to get that too.

447
00:21:05.280 --> 00:21:08.760
So, and you guys, I wanted to tell you,

448
00:21:08.760 --> 00:21:10.440
I did this program perfectly.

449
00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:12.040
And while I was still working at Hope Clinic,

450
00:21:12.040 --> 00:21:14.720
I thought I was all feminine and soft.

451
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:17.240
Every couple, every godly couple that I told you

452
00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:20.320
I put in front of Brian in that first, that second month,

453
00:21:20.320 --> 00:21:24.520
every single couple said, Renee, this is the softest.

454
00:21:24.520 --> 00:21:26.880
Ooh, there's like a little power outage.

455
00:21:27.840 --> 00:21:28.800
I do have my phone.

456
00:21:28.800 --> 00:21:32.680
So if I have to, if I get kicked out for any reason,

457
00:21:32.680 --> 00:21:36.000
don't fret, I will come back in on my phone

458
00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:39.720
and we will start again.

459
00:21:41.360 --> 00:21:43.240
I'm just gonna speak against what's going on

460
00:21:43.240 --> 00:21:45.600
in the name of Jesus, I'm just saying though.

461
00:21:45.600 --> 00:21:50.400
Okay, so all that to say, I thought I was being feminine

462
00:21:50.400 --> 00:21:52.280
and I thought I was being soft,

463
00:21:52.280 --> 00:21:54.640
but it took like three couples in a row to say,

464
00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:56.680
Renee, this is the softest we've ever seen you.

465
00:21:57.480 --> 00:21:58.320
And I was like, ah, dang it,

466
00:21:58.320 --> 00:22:00.280
maybe I still had more softness to go.

467
00:22:00.280 --> 00:22:03.000
So men make sure you're being masculine,

468
00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:05.160
women make sure you're being feminine, boom.

469
00:22:05.160 --> 00:22:09.400
Okay, number two, I hear this phrase more from the women

470
00:22:09.400 --> 00:22:11.640
than the men, but sometimes you'll say,

471
00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:13.920
I was out on a date and I got triggered.

472
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:15.680
And so I hear that word triggered a lot.

473
00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:18.080
We all, we've all kind of outused the word trigger.

474
00:22:18.080 --> 00:22:19.920
I got triggered.

475
00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:22.200
And when we say things like I got triggered,

476
00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:26.000
sometimes we think it's our crap coming back up again.

477
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:29.480
It might be, but guess what it also might be?

478
00:22:29.480 --> 00:22:32.680
It also might be your secure attachment,

479
00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:37.680
healthy whole healed heart flagging on their stuff.

480
00:22:39.040 --> 00:22:41.080
And it feels like a trigger,

481
00:22:41.080 --> 00:22:43.240
but cause you've never noticed it before,

482
00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:46.560
but now you've learned how to spot unhealth

483
00:22:46.560 --> 00:22:48.360
because you're now healthier.

484
00:22:48.360 --> 00:22:50.760
So whenever you say I'm getting triggered,

485
00:22:50.760 --> 00:22:54.720
don't assume it's you, maybe it's you,

486
00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:57.480
consider that it might be you, but also go,

487
00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:00.960
hmm, Holy Spirit, are you telling me something?

488
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:02.880
Like, is this my radar?

489
00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:05.160
So instead of me thinking, what am I doing wrong?

490
00:23:05.160 --> 00:23:06.480
Is this my radar?

491
00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:12.360
Okay, so that's what I would say about the trigger.

492
00:23:12.360 --> 00:23:14.120
And then at this end of this section,

493
00:23:14.120 --> 00:23:16.360
I'll let you guys ask me anything specific

494
00:23:16.360 --> 00:23:18.680
about what I'm saying right now.

495
00:23:18.680 --> 00:23:22.480
Number three, and I think I've already said this,

496
00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:25.600
but it's let them show you more than they tell you.

497
00:23:25.600 --> 00:23:27.280
Let them show you more than they tell you.

498
00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:31.360
So a lot of times when I see you guys kind of regurgitating,

499
00:23:31.360 --> 00:23:33.540
well, this is what he said, this is what she said.

500
00:23:33.540 --> 00:23:35.920
And I'm always like, yeah, but what are they doing?

501
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:37.080
But what are they doing?

502
00:23:37.080 --> 00:23:40.600
So definitely by like, there was never a time

503
00:23:40.600 --> 00:23:43.000
Brian's words weren't matching his actions.

504
00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:45.320
Words and actions were neck and neck.

505
00:23:45.320 --> 00:23:48.240
So you wanna make sure that no one's over-promising

506
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:49.240
ahead of their actions.

507
00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:52.560
You wanna make sure that actions are pacing words.

508
00:23:52.560 --> 00:23:56.820
Number four, I know a lot of people get tripped up

509
00:23:56.820 --> 00:23:59.880
on the curiosity phase of dating,

510
00:23:59.880 --> 00:24:01.280
especially if you're older, you're like,

511
00:24:01.280 --> 00:24:03.800
I don't like dating more than one person at a time.

512
00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:07.680
I can tell you this, once Brian had his first video with me,

513
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:08.840
he was like, I was done.

514
00:24:08.840 --> 00:24:10.960
He was like, I shut down my Facebook page.

515
00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:13.420
He didn't tell me that, but he was done.

516
00:24:13.420 --> 00:24:14.600
He was like ready for it to be me.

517
00:24:14.600 --> 00:24:16.280
He was also 61 years old.

518
00:24:16.280 --> 00:24:18.600
So this idea of discovery dating,

519
00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:20.600
he'd already been out on the apps long enough.

520
00:24:20.600 --> 00:24:22.040
He was like, he's like, I'm good.

521
00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:24.040
Like I found you, I wanna keep talking to you

522
00:24:24.040 --> 00:24:25.480
and I don't need to talk to four other women

523
00:24:25.480 --> 00:24:26.600
while I'm doing it.

524
00:24:26.600 --> 00:24:29.220
But remember in that discovery stage,

525
00:24:30.600 --> 00:24:32.400
it's assuming that you're being curious

526
00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:33.880
and you're not being romantic.

527
00:24:33.880 --> 00:24:37.720
So I don't call it dating four people at the same time.

528
00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:40.740
I call it, you're learning about complete strangers.

529
00:24:40.740 --> 00:24:41.640
That's what you're doing.

530
00:24:41.640 --> 00:24:43.880
You're learning about complete strangers.

531
00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:45.600
And so that's different than dating

532
00:24:45.600 --> 00:24:47.540
where you're gonna like hold hands and stuff.

533
00:24:47.540 --> 00:24:50.980
Now, some of you are in different seasons of this dating

534
00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:53.980
and you might be like, Renee, I've logged like 50 dates.

535
00:24:53.980 --> 00:24:56.780
Cause y'all, that's where I was when it was Brian.

536
00:24:56.780 --> 00:24:58.700
Like, I mean, I had been there, done that

537
00:24:58.700 --> 00:25:00.140
and you know, and bought the.

538
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.920
bought the farm. And so I didn't need to be dating him and four other guys at the same time.

539
00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:11.440
I did put my thing on pause. I didn't completely get rid of it like he did. I put mine on pause

540
00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:14.400
and I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to pay attention to this. I'm busy. I don't have

541
00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:18.560
a lot of time and I've already done enough discovery dating. I kind of want to see where

542
00:25:18.560 --> 00:25:24.160
this goes. So let it free you. Don't feel like you're dating multiple people. And if you've

543
00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:28.560
been out there a long time and you want to start to focus in on one person, like you guys, we're

544
00:25:28.560 --> 00:25:32.880
trying to give you guidelines here. Not to like, oh my gosh, they're telling me I have to date

545
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:38.960
five people. We're not telling you that. So hopefully that helps you. Five, I asked all the

546
00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:44.800
guys in the program here what they're looking most for in a woman. Do you want to know what

547
00:25:44.800 --> 00:25:50.960
they had to say? This is what they had to say. They are looking for feminine. So feminine.

548
00:25:51.600 --> 00:25:56.720
I can't tell you how many times I run into women from this program and y'all aren't dressing

549
00:25:56.720 --> 00:26:02.080
feminine. Remember like in phase two, in the, like the dating challenge, Jackie challenges

550
00:26:02.080 --> 00:26:08.560
women to put dresses on, wear jewelry and put on some makeup. Yeah, girls. So if you're single,

551
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:15.760
unless you're going to an all female, whatever it is, you should try to look feminine almost all of

552
00:26:15.760 --> 00:26:22.000
the time. Even if you're coming to hang out with me. So like, cause maybe if you're coming to hang

553
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:27.680
out with me or your girlfriend, if you're looking adorable, she might be going, oh my gosh, you got

554
00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:31.440
to meet my friend Randy. He's right over there. He just walked in. Didn't know he was going to walk

555
00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:36.320
in. So you like, you kind of want to be game ready ladies. So you want to look feminine men. The same

556
00:26:36.320 --> 00:26:40.960
applies to you. Don't look like a schlep. Don't look like you just came out of Walmart at the,

557
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:46.480
you know, at the 11 PM hour, make sure you look clean shaven and showered and you have a decent

558
00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:51.120
shirt on. You can put on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and sneakers and still look amazing. So I'm

559
00:26:51.120 --> 00:26:57.120
not telling you that you guys have to be dressed up, but I'm saying always be kind of game ready.

560
00:26:57.120 --> 00:27:00.400
Like, I mean, I used to, you know, I've had this conversation with y'all before, so I'm not going

561
00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:06.640
to beat that dead horse. So men want feminine. They want fun. They want adventure and positive

562
00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:15.040
energy. Not one guy said she needs to be X height, X weight, blonde, blue eyed, hot. Not one guy said

563
00:27:15.040 --> 00:27:22.320
that. They all said feminine, fun, adventurous, and positive energy. Here's also what we have to

564
00:27:22.320 --> 00:27:27.680
rein in ladies. And I'm, I'm going to step on a couple of toes saying this. We don't want the at

565
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:34.320
home grandma look and grandma vibe. So if you're rocking your short gray hair, I want to see you

566
00:27:34.320 --> 00:27:41.120
with cute earrings, cute top, like zazz it up in some other way. Don't pull out pictures of the

567
00:27:41.120 --> 00:27:46.000
grandkids on those first couple of days, because you know how so many of you girls are like, oh my

568
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:52.000
gosh, I can never date a man who's 60. That's just so old. Or if you're 40, I can never date a man

569
00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:57.200
who's 50. Well, they feel the same way when you start talking about your grandchildren. Nobody

570
00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:03.120
wants to date their grandmother. So if you start using grandma, grandpa language, you know, like

571
00:28:03.120 --> 00:28:09.440
all of a sudden, like, it's just like, it takes all the romance out. So leave the grandma, grandpa

572
00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:17.760
conversation. Unless you're both equally rocking your grandma, grandpa look. Okay, but I have a lot

573
00:28:17.760 --> 00:28:22.560
of women who are like, oh, he's too old. Yeah, but you look like you're like, looking a little

574
00:28:22.560 --> 00:28:26.560
frumpy dumpy. And you're talking about your grandkids, but you're worried that he's too old.

575
00:28:26.560 --> 00:28:33.200
Like I'm just saying, like, we got to like, bring our A game. And so and ladies, I'm sure you would

576
00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:39.280
want to say the same thing. I suspect you would pick masculine. You would pick makes me laugh,

577
00:28:40.320 --> 00:28:46.960
integrity, and a go-getter with a growth mentality, right? That's about what you

578
00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:50.880
women say. Now, some of you are really picky, and you're really picky about height. And I get that.

579
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:57.760
I'm 4'11". I have no idea what y'all are worried about. However, women seem to have a height

580
00:28:58.320 --> 00:29:02.800
issue more than men seem to have a weight issue. I'm just saying something to consider.

581
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:10.000
Okay, number five. Again, you guys hold this whole process loosely. There are some of you that I'm

582
00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:14.640
even privately coaching. You guys are knocking it out of the park. You're doing everything I'm

583
00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:19.120
asking you to do. You are making yourself available. You're rocking all the things,

584
00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:24.560
and it's still not happened yet. I don't know why. I don't have a good godly answer why some of us

585
00:29:24.560 --> 00:29:29.040
have to wait longer than others. I don't know why Jackie's husband showed up at her doorstep

586
00:29:29.040 --> 00:29:33.360
as her next-door neighbor when the ink wasn't even dry on her divorce, and some of us had to

587
00:29:33.360 --> 00:29:38.240
wait 40 years. I don't know. I'm giving you the full range. I don't have a good answer.

588
00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:43.920
I can tell you this. Six years ago, Brian wasn't ready for me. He wasn't healthy yet. So some of

589
00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:48.960
the waiting wasn't because I was doing something wrong. It was because God was still working in

590
00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:54.720
Brian. And you know what? As much as I hate that I had to wait to find my husband until I was 57,

591
00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:59.920
out of a lot of my newly married friends, we have probably one of the healthiest marriages already.

592
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.320
because both of us did so much work coming into the story.

593
00:30:04.320 --> 00:30:06.680
So it's made our marriage so much easier.

594
00:30:06.680 --> 00:30:09.360
So while you're in this phase and you're waiting

595
00:30:09.360 --> 00:30:11.720
and you're like, but Renee, I'm doing everything.

596
00:30:11.720 --> 00:30:13.680
It might not be about you.

597
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:15.900
It might be about your spirit mate.

598
00:30:15.900 --> 00:30:17.600
So you just keep praying for them,

599
00:30:17.600 --> 00:30:19.800
keep trusting God and keep doing the thing

600
00:30:19.800 --> 00:30:23.100
and don't give up and go find other things in your life

601
00:30:23.100 --> 00:30:25.340
where you're seeing the fruit of your labor

602
00:30:25.340 --> 00:30:28.720
to sustain you and put hope and stay in community,

603
00:30:29.480 --> 00:30:30.480
stay in community.

604
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:33.040
I've had this conversation with a couple of people.

605
00:30:33.040 --> 00:30:35.000
I would not be married to Brian today

606
00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:36.880
if I walked away from this program.

607
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:40.160
I promise you, I would have been off the apps.

608
00:30:40.160 --> 00:30:42.600
I would have been like, that's it, peace out.

609
00:30:42.600 --> 00:30:46.360
Her little last year single program, epic fail, you know?

610
00:30:46.360 --> 00:30:49.240
So me staying in the community

611
00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:51.620
is why I was still even on an app to begin with.

612
00:30:51.620 --> 00:30:54.080
And that is the only way that I met Brian.

613
00:30:54.080 --> 00:30:56.040
It may not be how you meet your person.

614
00:30:56.040 --> 00:30:57.640
Like one of my dearest friends,

615
00:30:57.640 --> 00:31:02.640
we finally helped her end a 16 month situationship

616
00:31:03.040 --> 00:31:05.840
literally within, I mean, I've been begging her for months

617
00:31:05.840 --> 00:31:07.280
to kick this guy to the curb

618
00:31:07.280 --> 00:31:09.240
and he was just giving her just enough

619
00:31:09.240 --> 00:31:11.360
for her to keep hanging on, keep hanging on.

620
00:31:11.360 --> 00:31:14.760
Y'all, six weeks after she finally kicked him to the curb,

621
00:31:14.760 --> 00:31:17.820
a friend of hers introduced her to a widower

622
00:31:17.820 --> 00:31:19.800
who was finally ready to start dating.

623
00:31:19.800 --> 00:31:22.680
And like, he is so smitten with her.

624
00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:24.640
And I'm like, you just,

625
00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:27.880
and so the fact that she met somebody so fast

626
00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:30.720
after the breakup, it doesn't like, it doesn't make sense.

627
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:32.440
It is not an earned thing, you guys.

628
00:31:32.440 --> 00:31:34.120
Sometimes we just live in a fallen world

629
00:31:34.120 --> 00:31:36.120
and some of us take longer to get there.

630
00:31:37.320 --> 00:31:39.600
Okay, that's all I wanna say about that.

631
00:31:39.600 --> 00:31:43.920
Any questions about those topics I just brought up?

632
00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:45.720
Kenton, you had your hand up for a bit.

633
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:47.680
So what's your quick question?

634
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:49.560
I do, if you can address the,

635
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:52.080
I don't know if it's an issue or not,

636
00:31:52.080 --> 00:31:55.160
but plus more mature, older people,

637
00:31:55.160 --> 00:31:59.240
I'd like to have your opinion upon grandchildren

638
00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:00.760
and the aspect of,

639
00:32:00.760 --> 00:32:03.040
will they want to stay close to their grandchildren

640
00:32:03.040 --> 00:32:06.520
or will they actually have the ability to move away?

641
00:32:06.520 --> 00:32:09.920
And what would be the consequences of either or?

642
00:32:11.000 --> 00:32:12.520
Yeah, I mean, I, you know what, Kenton,

643
00:32:12.520 --> 00:32:15.520
I'm glad you brought that up because I do think,

644
00:32:15.520 --> 00:32:18.880
I would say this, within the third or fourth date,

645
00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:21.640
it is okay for, if you are both long distance,

646
00:32:21.720 --> 00:32:23.840
so I'm assuming this is if you're long distance,

647
00:32:23.840 --> 00:32:25.880
if you're both long distance

648
00:32:25.880 --> 00:32:28.320
and you're in your third or fourth video day,

649
00:32:28.320 --> 00:32:31.280
I think it is okay for you to ask somebody,

650
00:32:31.280 --> 00:32:32.800
and actually even sooner than that,

651
00:32:32.800 --> 00:32:35.720
it's really, are you able to relocate?

652
00:32:35.720 --> 00:32:39.360
I think that's a fair, even first video date conversation.

653
00:32:39.360 --> 00:32:41.520
Hey, you know what, I'm kind of like,

654
00:32:41.520 --> 00:32:44.240
I've got a business here, I've got my grandkids here,

655
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:46.240
I'm probably not gonna be able to leave

656
00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:48.040
or nor do I want to leave.

657
00:32:48.040 --> 00:32:50.320
I actually think that's an okay question

658
00:32:50.320 --> 00:32:55.040
because the question really is how able to relocate you are.

659
00:32:55.040 --> 00:32:57.800
And so if somebody says, you know what,

660
00:32:58.680 --> 00:33:01.440
you know what, for the right person, I would consider it,

661
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:03.840
then I would keep the conversation going.

662
00:33:03.840 --> 00:33:05.360
But if they're right from the get going,

663
00:33:05.360 --> 00:33:08.360
there's no way I'm gonna leave the area.

664
00:33:08.360 --> 00:33:10.800
Like I've got my business here, I've got my grandkids here,

665
00:33:10.800 --> 00:33:12.840
I've got my house here, I'm not going anywhere.

666
00:33:12.840 --> 00:33:16.320
So if you're personally not willing to relocate to them,

667
00:33:16.320 --> 00:33:18.960
then it goes back to that other conversation that I said,

668
00:33:18.960 --> 00:33:21.760
you might as well just peace out right away.

669
00:33:21.760 --> 00:33:23.560
But if they are on the fence and they're like,

670
00:33:23.560 --> 00:33:25.480
hey, for the right person, I would,

671
00:33:25.480 --> 00:33:27.960
then it might be worth kind of hanging out a little bit

672
00:33:27.960 --> 00:33:29.200
and seeing what they have to say.

673
00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:30.280
Kalandra.

674
00:33:30.280 --> 00:33:32.400
What do you say about also the element of,

675
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:35.040
or the thought of, you know, living six months in,

676
00:33:35.040 --> 00:33:36.040
like for instance, I'm in Canada,

677
00:33:36.040 --> 00:33:38.760
six months in Canada, six months in the States.

678
00:33:38.760 --> 00:33:40.680
What are your thoughts on that?

679
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:42.680
I mean, I think if you're both willing to do it,

680
00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:45.160
I mean, I'd be all excited living by,

681
00:33:45.160 --> 00:33:47.120
hey, six months, let's live in Italy,

682
00:33:47.120 --> 00:33:48.480
six months, let's do the States.

683
00:33:49.280 --> 00:33:51.040
I would say if somebody is open to it

684
00:33:51.040 --> 00:33:53.520
and they're in a season of life where they can do it,

685
00:33:53.520 --> 00:33:56.960
I think, again, if you're talking long distance,

686
00:33:56.960 --> 00:33:59.000
you guys, I think when you're talking long distance,

687
00:33:59.000 --> 00:33:59.840
Jackie has said,

688
00:33:59.840 --> 00:34:02.000
it's okay to ask the harder questions sooner

689
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:04.080
so that you don't go down fantasy land.

690
00:34:04.080 --> 00:34:05.760
Like you might as well just find out like,

691
00:34:05.760 --> 00:34:07.440
hey, would you be open to that?

692
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:09.440
No, I wouldn't be open to that.

693
00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:13.040
So you really do want to see how open somebody is

694
00:34:13.040 --> 00:34:14.639
and how rigid they are.

695
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:17.480
And it's not your job to make them more open.

696
00:34:17.520 --> 00:34:18.679
Like, it's really not.

697
00:34:18.679 --> 00:34:19.520
Okay.

698
00:34:20.560 --> 00:34:22.120
Kalandra.

699
00:34:22.120 --> 00:34:26.040
Yes, maybe some clarity on the difference

700
00:34:26.040 --> 00:34:29.080
between like your spidey senses, your discernment,

701
00:34:29.080 --> 00:34:32.239
your radar going off versus,

702
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:33.639
actually discerning red flags

703
00:34:33.639 --> 00:34:36.199
versus maybe you are triggered with your own,

704
00:34:36.199 --> 00:34:41.199
like some attachment suddenly in the headspace.

705
00:34:41.239 --> 00:34:44.639
I recently had a situation where this guy,

706
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:46.760
he really did have a bunch of red flags up front

707
00:34:47.080 --> 00:34:48.400
and he was talking about his ex, blah, blah, blah.

708
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:51.639
I like pegged him right away, wasn't divorced.

709
00:34:51.639 --> 00:34:54.320
And I definitely got after him a little bit,

710
00:34:54.320 --> 00:34:56.920
like pretty much like, hey, you have no business dating.

711
00:34:56.920 --> 00:34:58.360
I should have just bowed out gracefully.

712
00:34:58.360 --> 00:34:59.200
But I.

713
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.400
I think I just, I jumped to the conclusion so quickly.

714
00:35:03.400 --> 00:35:05.080
Yeah, well, I will say this.

715
00:35:05.080 --> 00:35:06.080
I mean, I will say this.

716
00:35:06.080 --> 00:35:07.240
Sometimes we'll get it wrong.

717
00:35:07.240 --> 00:35:08.840
So first, there's that.

718
00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:10.700
Like, sometimes it's gonna be wrong.

719
00:35:10.700 --> 00:35:13.440
But you guys, it's never our job to call somebody out

720
00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:15.360
and tell them they have no business dating, right?

721
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:17.280
And I know you probably reflect back.

722
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.280
You probably wouldn't say that.

723
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:20.640
You just would say, you know what?

724
00:35:20.640 --> 00:35:22.880
I'm looking for somebody who's got a little bit

725
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:26.080
more healthy distance from their former relationship.

726
00:35:26.080 --> 00:35:27.960
And you and I don't seem to be in the same place.

727
00:35:27.960 --> 00:35:29.520
And so it's a no for me for now,

728
00:35:30.040 --> 00:35:30.880
but I wish you the best.

729
00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:32.760
So you say it kindly, but you bow out.

730
00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:33.600
Yeah.

731
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:36.360
Here's how you know it's your spidey senses

732
00:35:36.360 --> 00:35:39.320
and you're using discernment and wisdom

733
00:35:39.320 --> 00:35:41.600
is you actually have peace about it.

734
00:35:41.600 --> 00:35:43.600
Like, you're not confused.

735
00:35:43.600 --> 00:35:47.080
So discernment and wisdom is gonna come with some peace.

736
00:35:47.080 --> 00:35:49.560
You might be disappointed.

737
00:35:49.560 --> 00:35:53.080
You might be like, whoa, he's not safe or she's not safe.

738
00:35:53.080 --> 00:35:56.240
But you're gonna have some peace about it.

739
00:35:56.240 --> 00:35:58.960
I know when I'm getting triggered

740
00:35:59.400 --> 00:36:02.280
and it's my stuff, my heart rate goes up.

741
00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:03.720
I can't breathe.

742
00:36:03.720 --> 00:36:04.920
Like I'm getting sweaty.

743
00:36:04.920 --> 00:36:05.880
I'm getting cold.

744
00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:07.280
I'm getting anxious.

745
00:36:07.280 --> 00:36:09.120
I wanna react.

746
00:36:09.120 --> 00:36:10.680
I don't wanna respond.

747
00:36:10.680 --> 00:36:13.640
And my best isn't coming out.

748
00:36:13.640 --> 00:36:18.200
So when I am healthy and I'm catching their red flags,

749
00:36:18.200 --> 00:36:20.920
I'm still sitting secure.

750
00:36:20.920 --> 00:36:23.680
And I'm able to see it with a little bit more clarity.

751
00:36:23.680 --> 00:36:25.760
When I'm getting triggered,

752
00:36:25.760 --> 00:36:28.720
all the things are falling apart on me.

753
00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:30.800
And I can't make good decisions.

754
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:32.120
That's how I usually know.

755
00:36:32.120 --> 00:36:33.200
Okay.

756
00:36:33.200 --> 00:36:34.040
Thank you.

757
00:36:34.040 --> 00:36:34.880
You bet.

758
00:36:34.880 --> 00:36:37.480
Okay, Joanne, let me answer your question.

759
00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:38.800
Okay.

760
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:43.640
My question is related to like follow up on the marriage.

761
00:36:43.640 --> 00:36:45.200
Like why did they get divorced?

762
00:36:45.200 --> 00:36:48.680
And then you said in the second month.

763
00:36:48.680 --> 00:36:51.080
And then also regards to like,

764
00:36:51.080 --> 00:36:52.280
when is it appropriate to ask

765
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:54.200
about their stance about abstinence?

766
00:36:54.200 --> 00:36:57.720
The reason why, like I've personally asked this upfront

767
00:36:57.760 --> 00:37:00.360
I really believe in like biblical divorce.

768
00:37:00.360 --> 00:37:02.920
And I don't really wanna like invest in all this time.

769
00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:05.720
And then like, they got a divorce

770
00:37:05.720 --> 00:37:07.040
just because they couldn't get along

771
00:37:07.040 --> 00:37:09.760
and not because of like, you know.

772
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:10.800
So I will say this.

773
00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:13.240
So Joanne, if that's a deal breaker for you,

774
00:37:13.240 --> 00:37:16.120
like if the man says to you,

775
00:37:16.120 --> 00:37:20.600
we got divorced because of irreconcilable differences,

776
00:37:20.600 --> 00:37:22.400
we were just fighting too much.

777
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:23.560
I didn't know the Lord.

778
00:37:23.560 --> 00:37:25.680
If you're saying for you

779
00:37:25.680 --> 00:37:27.440
that that's not a good enough answer

780
00:37:28.160 --> 00:37:29.520
that there has to be infidelity

781
00:37:29.520 --> 00:37:32.360
and or abuse for a divorce to be good,

782
00:37:32.360 --> 00:37:33.760
then you probably do.

783
00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:35.320
And here's what you could say.

784
00:37:35.320 --> 00:37:37.600
You could actually say it just like that.

785
00:37:37.600 --> 00:37:40.880
I need to be really honest about my views on divorce.

786
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:43.800
I will only date a divorced person

787
00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:46.000
if they fit under this category.

788
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:48.600
Does that match the reason why you got divorced?

789
00:37:48.600 --> 00:37:49.840
I don't need to know the details.

790
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:51.840
It's just kind of a yes or no question.

791
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:54.520
And if the answer's no, then it's no harm, no foul

792
00:37:54.520 --> 00:37:56.720
but that's kind of a deal breaker for me.

793
00:37:56.720 --> 00:38:00.080
So that's a way for you to find out the answer

794
00:38:00.080 --> 00:38:02.240
without getting into the detail.

795
00:38:02.240 --> 00:38:04.680
So if that's a hard line,

796
00:38:04.680 --> 00:38:07.760
there's no way out, like no excuse,

797
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:09.920
like he wasn't a believer or she, you know,

798
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:10.760
then for you-

799
00:38:10.760 --> 00:38:12.560
No, it's not like that strict for me,

800
00:38:12.560 --> 00:38:15.000
but it's just like, because I met people

801
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:17.440
who like they were the ones who cheated.

802
00:38:17.440 --> 00:38:19.040
I even dated a guy who's like that.

803
00:38:19.040 --> 00:38:21.000
So I just don't want to-

804
00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:23.480
I think there's information that you can learn

805
00:38:23.480 --> 00:38:25.520
in that first month without,

806
00:38:25.640 --> 00:38:27.720
here's how I said it to my girlfriend.

807
00:38:27.720 --> 00:38:30.520
I said, if you can talk about your divorce

808
00:38:30.520 --> 00:38:34.120
in a way that doesn't crap on the other person,

809
00:38:34.120 --> 00:38:35.760
then I think you can say just enough.

810
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:38.840
Like you could say really simply, you know what?

811
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:40.560
There was infidelity in the marriage.

812
00:38:40.560 --> 00:38:41.960
It really hurt me.

813
00:38:41.960 --> 00:38:43.400
This is what I've done to work on it.

814
00:38:43.400 --> 00:38:45.560
And this is what I think I would do differently.

815
00:38:45.560 --> 00:38:48.280
If somebody can say that with health and clarity

816
00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:51.880
in under 45 seconds, they've probably not overshared.

817
00:38:51.880 --> 00:38:52.920
Do you know what I'm saying?

818
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:54.040
Yeah, I do.

819
00:38:54.040 --> 00:38:55.240
Yes.

820
00:38:55.240 --> 00:38:56.080
Okay, yeah.

821
00:38:56.080 --> 00:38:57.360
And the second question is like,

822
00:38:57.360 --> 00:38:59.960
when do you think it's appropriate to ask about abstinence?

823
00:38:59.960 --> 00:39:04.320
Because I do meet a lot of men who say they're Christian

824
00:39:04.320 --> 00:39:07.320
and they've never practiced abstinence in their life.

825
00:39:07.320 --> 00:39:09.320
And they're like, well, I'm open to it.

826
00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:11.200
Well, okay, here's what I can tell you.

827
00:39:11.200 --> 00:39:15.400
So Jackie and I are not fans of asking too soon

828
00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:16.640
because here's the thing, you guys,

829
00:39:16.640 --> 00:39:19.720
people reveal their thoughts on sex

830
00:39:19.720 --> 00:39:21.800
way faster than you think you do

831
00:39:21.800 --> 00:39:24.800
without you specifically having to say,

832
00:39:26.120 --> 00:39:28.080
I don't wanna, how do you feel about sex before marriage?

833
00:39:28.080 --> 00:39:32.040
I'm gonna try to find an answer that,

834
00:39:32.040 --> 00:39:35.800
Bethany gave a really great answer about the sex talk.

835
00:39:35.800 --> 00:39:36.640
Now, here's the thing.

836
00:39:36.640 --> 00:39:39.960
Again, some of you might be like, no bueno,

837
00:39:39.960 --> 00:39:41.920
like there's no way I'm not gonna ask this question

838
00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:42.760
right away.

839
00:39:42.760 --> 00:39:44.240
So I can tell you this,

840
00:39:44.240 --> 00:39:46.280
here's how it came out with me and Brian.

841
00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:51.480
We had only been talking two weeks and he made a comment

842
00:39:52.160 --> 00:39:53.520
and he was like, oh, I already booked next year.

843
00:39:53.520 --> 00:39:56.680
So maybe if we're still together, we can come together.

844
00:39:56.680 --> 00:39:59.280
And I literally went, oh no, bucko.

845
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:00.120
I'm not going.

846
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.820
away on vacation with somebody who's not my spouse.

847
00:40:02.820 --> 00:40:04.580
And since we're on the topic,

848
00:40:04.580 --> 00:40:06.860
I'm not gonna have sex with you either before marriage.

849
00:40:06.860 --> 00:40:10.020
I mean, so that's how kind of blunt I was two weeks in.

850
00:40:10.020 --> 00:40:11.700
But it kind of fell into it.

851
00:40:11.700 --> 00:40:13.780
Like we kind of fell into the conversation.

852
00:40:13.780 --> 00:40:14.620
Do you know what I'm saying?

853
00:40:14.620 --> 00:40:17.020
So it presented itself

854
00:40:17.020 --> 00:40:19.740
and it allowed me to state my intention

855
00:40:19.740 --> 00:40:23.900
without me going, so Brian, how do you feel about sex?

856
00:40:23.900 --> 00:40:27.460
So I kind of feel like guys and girls

857
00:40:27.520 --> 00:40:30.840
will give you a hint earlier than you think.

858
00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:33.520
And it does provide you an opportunity to say,

859
00:40:33.520 --> 00:40:35.700
you know what, at this point in my life,

860
00:40:35.700 --> 00:40:37.780
I've really learned sex outside of marriage

861
00:40:37.780 --> 00:40:39.420
is not what's best for me.

862
00:40:39.420 --> 00:40:41.260
I hope you're on the same page about that.

863
00:40:41.260 --> 00:40:44.100
I can tell you that it had been six years

864
00:40:44.100 --> 00:40:45.820
since Brian was with his last girlfriend,

865
00:40:45.820 --> 00:40:48.620
but I was the first person he was abstinent with.

866
00:40:48.620 --> 00:40:52.140
And so, but by then he was kind of smitten enough

867
00:40:52.140 --> 00:40:53.940
that he was like, you know what, you're right.

868
00:40:53.940 --> 00:40:56.140
I wasn't following the Lord's way

869
00:40:56.140 --> 00:41:00.580
when I was dating before, you know, you're healthy.

870
00:41:00.580 --> 00:41:01.700
Of course I want to do that.

871
00:41:01.700 --> 00:41:03.780
And you guys, he did it better than I did.

872
00:41:03.780 --> 00:41:04.620
I'm not kidding.

873
00:41:04.620 --> 00:41:09.140
He guarded my heart and my purity, that entire relationship.

874
00:41:09.140 --> 00:41:12.780
And so if that's really important to you,

875
00:41:12.780 --> 00:41:15.560
wait for those moments, the Lord will give them to you.

876
00:41:15.560 --> 00:41:18.100
And then you can just pop and drop right in

877
00:41:18.100 --> 00:41:22.060
and just say it matter of factly, not judgy McJudgy.

878
00:41:22.060 --> 00:41:24.420
Just be like, hey, you guys, this is just where I'm at.

879
00:41:24.420 --> 00:41:26.620
If that's not where you're at, that's okay too.

880
00:41:26.620 --> 00:41:28.020
So if it's important to you

881
00:41:28.020 --> 00:41:30.500
and you're worried about not waiting too long,

882
00:41:30.500 --> 00:41:32.820
ask the Lord and he will drop a moment

883
00:41:32.820 --> 00:41:34.620
and you will find a way to ask it.

884
00:41:34.620 --> 00:41:35.460
Okay.

885
00:41:35.460 --> 00:41:36.280
Thank you.

886
00:41:36.280 --> 00:41:37.120
You bet.

887
00:41:37.120 --> 00:41:37.940
All right, I'm going to pause on questions.

888
00:41:37.940 --> 00:41:39.660
We will come back to questions.

889
00:41:39.660 --> 00:41:42.740
I want to ask you guys 10 scaling questions.

890
00:41:42.740 --> 00:41:46.620
I want to take a, like a health check on where we're at.

891
00:41:46.620 --> 00:41:47.460
Okay.

892
00:41:47.460 --> 00:41:48.860
So on a scale of one to 10,

893
00:41:48.860 --> 00:41:51.400
so if you've got a pen and paper,

894
00:41:51.400 --> 00:41:53.620
it'll be easier to do it pen and paper

895
00:41:53.660 --> 00:41:55.300
versus like in your head,

896
00:41:55.300 --> 00:41:56.700
but you can do it in your head if you want.

897
00:41:56.700 --> 00:41:57.540
Okay.

898
00:41:57.540 --> 00:42:00.940
On a scale of one to 10 for the next 10 questions,

899
00:42:00.940 --> 00:42:02.980
one is your suck and fumes.

900
00:42:02.980 --> 00:42:06.180
Like Rene, I'm really doing bupkis on it.

901
00:42:06.180 --> 00:42:09.180
10 is I am rocking it, right?

902
00:42:09.180 --> 00:42:11.940
10 rocking it, one bupkis.

903
00:42:11.940 --> 00:42:13.580
Because I want you to take an assessment

904
00:42:13.580 --> 00:42:17.020
of how your health and your marriage readiness

905
00:42:17.020 --> 00:42:18.860
and your relationship readiness is.

906
00:42:18.860 --> 00:42:20.020
Just an honest assessment.

907
00:42:20.020 --> 00:42:21.500
We're not sharing answers.

908
00:42:21.500 --> 00:42:22.980
I'm not going to ask you your answers.

909
00:42:22.980 --> 00:42:24.500
So you get to be honest.

910
00:42:24.500 --> 00:42:26.680
The first one, food.

911
00:42:26.680 --> 00:42:30.460
Are you eating food that nourishes your body?

912
00:42:30.460 --> 00:42:31.300
Nope.

913
00:42:31.300 --> 00:42:32.140
Rene, it's a one.

914
00:42:32.140 --> 00:42:33.940
I'm at the fast food joint every day.

915
00:42:33.940 --> 00:42:37.520
10, I'm rocking it, whole foods, macro girl here.

916
00:42:37.520 --> 00:42:38.360
Okay.

917
00:42:38.360 --> 00:42:39.860
So the first one's food.

918
00:42:39.860 --> 00:42:42.660
The second one is fitness and movement.

919
00:42:42.660 --> 00:42:43.580
Am I moving?

920
00:42:43.580 --> 00:42:45.440
Am I exercising?

921
00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:46.280
Yes.

922
00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:48.760
One, 10 rocking it.

923
00:42:48.760 --> 00:42:50.820
Again, you're your own judge.

924
00:42:50.820 --> 00:42:52.900
Number three, appearance.

925
00:42:53.700 --> 00:42:55.300
I know that when I walk out the door,

926
00:42:55.300 --> 00:42:57.500
I'm putting my best foot forward.

927
00:42:57.500 --> 00:42:59.500
Now you guys, I am not five foot 10.

928
00:42:59.500 --> 00:43:00.660
I'm not tall.

929
00:43:00.660 --> 00:43:01.500
I'm not blonde.

930
00:43:01.500 --> 00:43:02.500
I'm not blue eyed,

931
00:43:02.500 --> 00:43:05.220
but I've learned how to work with what God has given me.

932
00:43:05.220 --> 00:43:08.840
And I make sure when I walk out the door, I rock it.

933
00:43:08.840 --> 00:43:12.180
So appearance, hair, makeup, clothing, hygiene,

934
00:43:12.180 --> 00:43:14.120
men, if you've got a beard, is it trimmed

935
00:43:14.120 --> 00:43:16.820
or is it looking like, you know, Duck Dynasty?

936
00:43:16.820 --> 00:43:18.360
There's a very small percentage of women

937
00:43:18.360 --> 00:43:20.220
who like that beard, I'm just saying.

938
00:43:20.900 --> 00:43:23.940
The fourth one is finances.

939
00:43:23.940 --> 00:43:26.260
I mean, you're in control of your finances,

940
00:43:26.260 --> 00:43:28.160
not in control of your finances.

941
00:43:28.160 --> 00:43:29.540
Number five, career.

942
00:43:29.540 --> 00:43:30.600
You love your job.

943
00:43:30.600 --> 00:43:31.900
You love what you're doing.

944
00:43:33.900 --> 00:43:36.140
The next one, hobbies and interests.

945
00:43:36.140 --> 00:43:38.320
You actually have real hobbies and interests,

946
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:40.380
not just what you put on your profile.

947
00:43:40.380 --> 00:43:42.280
Like, oh, I love to go hiking.

948
00:43:42.280 --> 00:43:43.820
I always used to put that, you guys.

949
00:43:43.820 --> 00:43:45.020
You know when the last time I actually

950
00:43:45.020 --> 00:43:46.100
really went hiking was?

951
00:43:46.100 --> 00:43:47.580
It was at least three years ago.

952
00:43:47.580 --> 00:43:48.400
I've bad ankles.

953
00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:49.580
I shouldn't be hiking.

954
00:43:49.940 --> 00:43:51.340
So I don't know why I was putting hiking down

955
00:43:51.340 --> 00:43:53.020
because I was never going hiking.

956
00:43:53.020 --> 00:43:55.060
So I mean, real interests and hobbies

957
00:43:55.060 --> 00:43:57.500
that you're making time for in your life.

958
00:43:57.500 --> 00:43:59.780
Number seven, your personal walk with God.

959
00:43:59.780 --> 00:44:01.300
It could be your prayer time,

960
00:44:01.300 --> 00:44:02.540
it could be your worship time,

961
00:44:02.540 --> 00:44:04.740
your journaling, reading scripture,

962
00:44:04.740 --> 00:44:06.900
going to service, whatever that looks like.

963
00:44:08.100 --> 00:44:11.180
Number eight, service and volunteer.

964
00:44:11.180 --> 00:44:13.540
Are you giving back to the community?

965
00:44:13.540 --> 00:44:15.620
Giving back to the community.

966
00:44:15.620 --> 00:44:18.380
Number nine, work-life balance.

967
00:44:18.380 --> 00:44:21.100
I meet so many of you guys who are desperate to be married

968
00:44:21.100 --> 00:44:23.220
and you're working like 100 hours a week.

969
00:44:23.220 --> 00:44:25.020
You have no work-life balance.

970
00:44:25.020 --> 00:44:27.740
I don't know where you'd be squeezing in your dates.

971
00:44:28.740 --> 00:44:30.300
Number 10, mental health.

972
00:44:30.300 --> 00:44:32.060
Are you taking care of your mental health?

973
00:44:32.060 --> 00:44:33.140
Are you seeing a therapist?

974
00:44:33.140 --> 00:44:34.620
Are you doing meditation?

975
00:44:34.620 --> 00:44:35.500
Are you on meds?

976
00:44:35.500 --> 00:44:37.780
Whatever it needs to be for your mental health.

977
00:44:37.780 --> 00:44:40.500
So here were the topics, food, fitness,

978
00:44:40.500 --> 00:44:43.900
appearance, finance, career, hobby,

979
00:44:43.900 --> 00:44:46.100
personal walk with God, service,

980
00:44:46.100 --> 00:44:48.540
work-life balance, mental health.

981
00:44:48.540 --> 00:44:50.820
Okay, you don't have to do a show of hands.

982
00:44:50.820 --> 00:44:55.380
How many of you got a high 10 in all 10 categories?

983
00:44:56.900 --> 00:44:58.460
Probably not, right?

984
00:44:58.460 --> 00:45:00.180
Okay, probably not.

985
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.360
I mean, if we're being honest, we probably have some growth.

986
00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:08.520
How many would admit that they've got some room to grow in some of those categories?

987
00:45:08.520 --> 00:45:09.520
Room to grow?

988
00:45:09.520 --> 00:45:10.520
Yeah.

989
00:45:10.520 --> 00:45:11.520
Room to grow.

990
00:45:11.520 --> 00:45:12.520
Okay.

991
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:16.760
So all I'm going to ask you about this, this little assessment that I asked you to do is

992
00:45:16.760 --> 00:45:21.600
unless you gave yourself a 10 out of 10 in all 10 categories, and if you did, we might

993
00:45:21.600 --> 00:45:23.000
have to talk about your humility.

994
00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:25.640
No, I'm kidding.

995
00:45:25.640 --> 00:45:32.760
Do you expect your spirit mate to score the same as you in the same categories and are

996
00:45:32.760 --> 00:45:36.880
higher than you in some of those categories?

997
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:43.640
Are you willing to date somebody who might be a 10 in some places that you're not a 10,

998
00:45:43.640 --> 00:45:47.240
but he's only a four or she's only a four in places that you're a 10?

999
00:45:47.240 --> 00:45:48.840
Does that make sense?

1000
00:45:48.840 --> 00:45:52.600
Like you're going to get somebody unfinished, right?

1001
00:45:52.600 --> 00:45:57.920
And so I want to make sure that you're not, like if you're scoring a three on finances,

1002
00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:00.760
but you're like, man, I need to date a millionaire.

1003
00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:01.760
Is that really fair?

1004
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:02.760
You know what I'm saying?

1005
00:46:02.760 --> 00:46:07.240
Like if you haven't been to the gym in five years, but you want somebody who's physically

1006
00:46:07.240 --> 00:46:09.200
fit, is that really fair?

1007
00:46:09.200 --> 00:46:10.280
Do you know what I'm saying?

1008
00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:16.040
So I want you to just kind of think about that self-assessment and go, am I expecting

1009
00:46:16.040 --> 00:46:21.000
more out of my mate than I'm willing to put into myself?

1010
00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:25.680
So we just want to make sure that wherever we want out of somebody else, we're willing

1011
00:46:25.680 --> 00:46:28.080
to do for ourselves, right?

1012
00:46:28.080 --> 00:46:30.920
Because we want a mate who's both growing us.

1013
00:46:30.920 --> 00:46:37.320
Now hopefully you actually pick a person that is stronger than you in some areas, but you're

1014
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:41.200
also willing to get somebody who's weaker than you in some of your areas that you're

1015
00:46:41.200 --> 00:46:45.980
rocking because you're going to pull them along in a couple of places and they're going

1016
00:46:45.980 --> 00:46:47.520
to pull you along.

1017
00:46:47.520 --> 00:46:51.720
That's what like growing like a true partnership is going to look like.

1018
00:46:51.720 --> 00:46:53.160
Okay.

1019
00:46:53.160 --> 00:46:54.160
That's all I got.

1020
00:46:54.160 --> 00:46:59.760
So it's 7.45, 8.45, not sure what time y'all are, what time zone you're all in.

1021
00:46:59.760 --> 00:47:04.640
I'm going to spend like 10 more minutes answering questions and then I want to see who's willing

1022
00:47:04.640 --> 00:47:08.960
to get in the hot seat with me for about two minutes and role play.

1023
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:15.080
Either you can ask me the hardest questions you get and we're going to pretend we're on

1024
00:47:15.080 --> 00:47:19.360
a video day and I will answer them and respond back to you.

1025
00:47:19.360 --> 00:47:22.080
Or you're going to be like Renee, bring it on.

1026
00:47:22.080 --> 00:47:23.680
Ask me anything you want.

1027
00:47:23.680 --> 00:47:25.920
And I'm hoping we've got some brave people.

1028
00:47:25.920 --> 00:47:29.640
Now we're going to do that from like the top of the hour for 30 minutes, two minutes a

1029
00:47:29.640 --> 00:47:30.640
piece.

1030
00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:31.920
You guys, that's about 15 people.

1031
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:35.020
I need about 15 brave souls out of 90.

1032
00:47:35.020 --> 00:47:37.360
So I promise you I'm not going to call on you.

1033
00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:38.360
Okay.

1034
00:47:38.400 --> 00:47:40.400
Marsha, do you have a question, girl?

1035
00:47:49.160 --> 00:47:50.480
Okay, she took her hand down.

1036
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:53.080
Hunter, did you have a question?

1037
00:47:53.080 --> 00:47:55.120
I would like to volunteer, please.

1038
00:47:55.120 --> 00:47:56.120
All right.

1039
00:47:56.120 --> 00:48:00.520
Well, let me let people get a chance to ask questions first.

1040
00:48:00.520 --> 00:48:01.520
All right.

1041
00:48:01.520 --> 00:48:05.920
So now this is any dating question you have, you've put it in the feed.

1042
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:09.680
If you wrote it down here and I've blown past you guys, I've got, you got, there are

1043
00:48:09.680 --> 00:48:12.920
99 comments that I've not seen.

1044
00:48:12.920 --> 00:48:13.920
Okay.

1045
00:48:13.920 --> 00:48:14.920
99.

1046
00:48:14.920 --> 00:48:16.600
And I've got only one working eye.

1047
00:48:16.600 --> 00:48:21.720
So if your question is in the chat and I've not seen it, please be brave and raise your

1048
00:48:21.720 --> 00:48:23.440
hand and let me ask it.

1049
00:48:23.440 --> 00:48:25.560
Go ahead, Christopher.

1050
00:48:25.560 --> 00:48:32.800
So how do you, because the first 30 days are tough for me because I usually am pretty fast

1051
00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:33.800
with initiating.

1052
00:48:33.800 --> 00:48:35.200
Hey, here's my number.

1053
00:48:35.200 --> 00:48:37.240
Let's book a video chat or a date.

1054
00:48:37.240 --> 00:48:39.800
And then so we'll get in a text, we'll book it.

1055
00:48:39.800 --> 00:48:44.760
And then now I've seemed to have a couple women and several of my past as well that

1056
00:48:44.760 --> 00:48:49.400
now it's an everyday texting all day and now I'm, I'm going back and forth.

1057
00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:53.200
And that, are you initiating that pace?

1058
00:48:53.200 --> 00:48:54.200
No, no.

1059
00:48:54.200 --> 00:48:59.200
I mean, I feel like that that's not like a good place to start where we're like interacting

1060
00:48:59.200 --> 00:49:02.400
every day, 24, you know, during every waking hour.

1061
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:03.400
Yeah.

1062
00:49:03.400 --> 00:49:04.400
So here's what I would do.

1063
00:49:04.600 --> 00:49:07.000
And it's something that I'm, I'm a big fan of being blunt.

1064
00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:10.620
You guys like asking for what you need or setting your expectations.

1065
00:49:10.620 --> 00:49:14.160
So when you have that first video day, here's what you can do right off the bat.

1066
00:49:14.160 --> 00:49:20.320
Hey, just so you know, the kind of pacing that I like to do is I might text you once

1067
00:49:20.320 --> 00:49:21.320
at the end of the day.

1068
00:49:21.320 --> 00:49:25.240
Um, I, if I'm busy, I might miss a day.

1069
00:49:25.240 --> 00:49:26.680
That doesn't mean I'm not interested.

1070
00:49:26.680 --> 00:49:31.520
I feel like at this stage of the game, you will probably hear from me a few times in

1071
00:49:31.520 --> 00:49:32.520
a week.

1072
00:49:32.640 --> 00:49:36.640
I will definitely, if I want to go the next step, I'm going to be booking the next date

1073
00:49:36.640 --> 00:49:37.640
within a week.

1074
00:49:37.640 --> 00:49:45.160
Um, like state what your, it is okay, especially since you're the guy, it is okay for you to

1075
00:49:45.160 --> 00:49:48.000
say like, you know, just so you know, I'm not a texter.

1076
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:52.440
I'm not going to, even if I was in, you know, even if you and I were in a committed relationship,

1077
00:49:52.440 --> 00:49:55.200
I'm not the person that texts all day throughout the day.

1078
00:49:55.200 --> 00:49:56.880
That's just not how I roll.

1079
00:49:56.880 --> 00:49:59.960
I would rather, you know, I, I think texting is something.

1080
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.100
thing we do to check in real quick, brief.

1081
00:50:03.100 --> 00:50:05.580
But really, I would rather wait till the end of the night

1082
00:50:05.580 --> 00:50:07.660
to have a conversation with you.

1083
00:50:07.660 --> 00:50:10.240
Because of my job, because this is early on,

1084
00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:13.000
I'm probably not gonna do that every single day.

1085
00:50:13.000 --> 00:50:14.920
So I don't want you to think

1086
00:50:16.040 --> 00:50:19.080
that me holding at that pace is me not interest,

1087
00:50:19.080 --> 00:50:21.800
it's just me trying to have healthy pacing.

1088
00:50:21.800 --> 00:50:23.120
Okay, good.

1089
00:50:23.120 --> 00:50:24.680
All right, I just wanted to make sure.

1090
00:50:24.680 --> 00:50:25.520
How does that sound?

1091
00:50:25.520 --> 00:50:28.360
Would that be comfortable for you to be that honest?

1092
00:50:28.360 --> 00:50:32.320
I mean, I'm not comfortable

1093
00:50:32.320 --> 00:50:34.160
with a lot of things that I've done so far,

1094
00:50:34.160 --> 00:50:35.680
but I do them anyway.

1095
00:50:35.680 --> 00:50:37.800
So yes, I'll be fine.

1096
00:50:38.760 --> 00:50:39.960
Do them afraid.

1097
00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:43.400
And ladies, same goes for you.

1098
00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:46.880
I mean like, and Chris brings up a good point,

1099
00:50:46.880 --> 00:50:49.220
because a lot of you guys fall into this.

1100
00:50:49.220 --> 00:50:52.780
You start texting 30 times in the given day.

1101
00:50:52.780 --> 00:50:54.920
Like A, you should be fired

1102
00:50:54.920 --> 00:50:56.620
if you're texting all day that much.

1103
00:50:56.820 --> 00:50:57.940
Like if I were your boss,

1104
00:50:57.940 --> 00:51:01.220
I would not wanna know that you were texting all dang day.

1105
00:51:01.220 --> 00:51:04.140
Like do your job, go to school, raise your kids.

1106
00:51:04.140 --> 00:51:07.580
Like you don't need to be texting all stinking day.

1107
00:51:07.580 --> 00:51:10.340
And here's my thing, if you don't,

1108
00:51:10.340 --> 00:51:11.500
like if you text all day,

1109
00:51:11.500 --> 00:51:13.820
you're not giving them enough reason to call you.

1110
00:51:13.820 --> 00:51:17.220
And that's where if you're texting all day, every day,

1111
00:51:17.220 --> 00:51:21.300
you really do run the risk of oversharing,

1112
00:51:21.300 --> 00:51:24.380
jumping the gun, speeding the whole thing along.

1113
00:51:25.260 --> 00:51:28.940
So learn some restraint.

1114
00:51:28.940 --> 00:51:30.180
Learn some restraint.

1115
00:51:30.180 --> 00:51:31.900
Give them a reason to wanna book.

1116
00:51:31.900 --> 00:51:33.780
I say give them a reason to wanna book

1117
00:51:33.780 --> 00:51:36.140
that next video date or that next live date.

1118
00:51:36.140 --> 00:51:37.540
Great question.

1119
00:51:37.540 --> 00:51:39.060
Anybody else, questions?

1120
00:51:42.720 --> 00:51:43.980
I'm looking through.

1121
00:51:48.940 --> 00:51:50.020
Okay, look, y'all.

1122
00:51:50.020 --> 00:51:52.140
So right away, just so you know,

1123
00:51:52.140 --> 00:51:54.740
Christopher said he was only 5'4", whatever.

1124
00:51:54.740 --> 00:51:58.100
I'm telling you what, my brother is 5'2".

1125
00:51:58.100 --> 00:51:58.920
He's a shorty.

1126
00:51:58.920 --> 00:52:00.620
My other brother's only 5'6".

1127
00:52:00.620 --> 00:52:02.220
They are amazing husbands.

1128
00:52:02.220 --> 00:52:03.040
You know what?

1129
00:52:03.040 --> 00:52:04.900
My sister is married to a woman in a wheelchair.

1130
00:52:04.900 --> 00:52:07.180
So I don't even know what height that makes him, right?

1131
00:52:07.180 --> 00:52:08.900
Cause he's always lower than her

1132
00:52:08.900 --> 00:52:10.020
cause he's in a wheelchair.

1133
00:52:10.020 --> 00:52:10.980
I'm not telling you to do that,

1134
00:52:10.980 --> 00:52:13.900
but like some of you need to let this height thing go

1135
00:52:13.900 --> 00:52:15.100
cause he's a gem.

1136
00:52:15.100 --> 00:52:18.260
And I'm telling you, just saying, okay.

1137
00:52:18.260 --> 00:52:19.980
It already takes a lot of energy.

1138
00:52:20.020 --> 00:52:21.180
I know.

1139
00:52:21.180 --> 00:52:23.100
Okay, here's the thing.

1140
00:52:23.100 --> 00:52:24.340
Dan, if you're going into Walmart,

1141
00:52:24.340 --> 00:52:26.200
you're probably not gonna meet your person in Walmart.

1142
00:52:26.200 --> 00:52:27.740
Maybe Target, but not Walmart.

1143
00:52:27.740 --> 00:52:29.500
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to diss on a Walmart,

1144
00:52:29.500 --> 00:52:32.660
but have you seen what people wear to Walmart?

1145
00:52:32.660 --> 00:52:34.780
Like, and if you're gonna wear PJs to Walmart

1146
00:52:34.780 --> 00:52:37.660
or a cute sweatsuit, like then make it a cute one.

1147
00:52:37.660 --> 00:52:40.180
Not one that's like been in the wash 5,000 times.

1148
00:52:40.180 --> 00:52:41.540
Okay, Joanne, what you got?

1149
00:52:44.860 --> 00:52:48.540
Yeah, so I got this recently, just like two days ago,

1150
00:52:48.580 --> 00:52:50.820
but this is actually a really common question.

1151
00:52:50.820 --> 00:52:54.540
They're like, cause I don't look my age, I'm 46,

1152
00:52:54.540 --> 00:52:57.460
but they're like, how is, how are you still single?

1153
00:52:57.460 --> 00:53:02.460
This, how are you, the 46 year old, still single?

1154
00:53:02.860 --> 00:53:04.660
And I'm like, I don't know.

1155
00:53:04.660 --> 00:53:05.940
Why don't you ask God?

1156
00:53:05.940 --> 00:53:07.020
That's my question.

1157
00:53:07.020 --> 00:53:09.820
Okay, so here's, I'm gonna give you

1158
00:53:09.820 --> 00:53:11.980
a more confident answer than that.

1159
00:53:11.980 --> 00:53:13.900
Okay, you know what?

1160
00:53:13.900 --> 00:53:16.540
I just haven't found, the short answer

1161
00:53:16.540 --> 00:53:19.060
is I just haven't found my person yet.

1162
00:53:19.060 --> 00:53:22.940
I wanna make sure that when we marry, we marry for life.

1163
00:53:22.940 --> 00:53:24.900
And I just haven't found my person yet.

1164
00:53:25.900 --> 00:53:28.260
Could there be much more to that conversation?

1165
00:53:28.260 --> 00:53:30.740
For sure, and I'd be happy to have that conversation

1166
00:53:30.740 --> 00:53:32.860
with you if we keep dating.

1167
00:53:32.860 --> 00:53:35.100
Do you see how I wear that with confidence?

1168
00:53:35.100 --> 00:53:37.260
Cause I used to hate that question too.

1169
00:53:37.260 --> 00:53:38.940
Oh my gosh, how are you not married?

1170
00:53:38.940 --> 00:53:40.540
Really, you've never been married?

1171
00:53:40.540 --> 00:53:41.540
Like, it would have been better

1172
00:53:41.540 --> 00:53:43.020
if I just said I was divorced twice

1173
00:53:43.020 --> 00:53:45.180
and oh my gosh, I've never been married.

1174
00:53:45.180 --> 00:53:47.100
And I'm like, you know what?

1175
00:53:47.100 --> 00:53:50.820
I've not been married and I'm being super intentional

1176
00:53:50.820 --> 00:53:52.780
about finding the right person for me.

1177
00:53:52.780 --> 00:53:54.420
Sometimes if I'm being a little funny,

1178
00:53:54.420 --> 00:53:56.580
sometimes I'll say, you know what?

1179
00:53:56.580 --> 00:53:58.740
I'm sure there were plenty of times

1180
00:53:58.740 --> 00:54:00.580
I said no when I shouldn't have

1181
00:54:00.580 --> 00:54:02.860
or they said no when they shouldn't have.

1182
00:54:02.860 --> 00:54:03.780
And here we are.

1183
00:54:03.780 --> 00:54:05.580
Like sometimes I might say that

1184
00:54:05.580 --> 00:54:08.860
cause then I kind of get funny and cheeky about it.

1185
00:54:08.860 --> 00:54:10.620
But it's a weird question.

1186
00:54:10.620 --> 00:54:12.460
It's almost as bad as asking somebody

1187
00:54:12.460 --> 00:54:14.060
on the very first day, oh my gosh,

1188
00:54:14.100 --> 00:54:15.780
why did you get divorced?

1189
00:54:15.780 --> 00:54:19.140
Like it's, I'm sure there's a lot more nuance

1190
00:54:19.140 --> 00:54:20.300
and if they get to know you,

1191
00:54:20.300 --> 00:54:21.580
they might find a little bit more

1192
00:54:21.580 --> 00:54:23.260
about the choices you've made.

1193
00:54:23.260 --> 00:54:24.900
Maybe you put your career first.

1194
00:54:24.900 --> 00:54:26.180
Maybe you got some family stuff

1195
00:54:26.180 --> 00:54:27.860
you had to work through, who knows?

1196
00:54:27.860 --> 00:54:30.420
But no, none of those answers are appropriate.

1197
00:54:30.420 --> 00:54:31.260
So you know what?

1198
00:54:31.260 --> 00:54:32.100
I just haven't found my,

1199
00:54:32.100 --> 00:54:34.180
the short answer is I just haven't found my person.

1200
00:54:34.180 --> 00:54:36.260
It's possible I missed a good option.

1201
00:54:36.260 --> 00:54:38.060
It's possible he missed me,

1202
00:54:38.060 --> 00:54:39.540
but I'm really trusting

1203
00:54:39.540 --> 00:54:41.580
because I'm now being super intentional

1204
00:54:42.580 --> 00:54:45.020
that it's going to become much more clear to me.

1205
00:54:45.020 --> 00:54:48.780
Okay, so don't reveal any more personal information.

1206
00:54:48.780 --> 00:54:49.700
Cause I know why.

1207
00:54:49.700 --> 00:54:51.820
I mean, a big reason why, yeah.

1208
00:54:51.820 --> 00:54:52.700
Okay.

1209
00:54:52.700 --> 00:54:54.820
You know, the guy that deserves that answer,

1210
00:54:54.820 --> 00:54:55.700
the guy that's going to have

1211
00:54:55.700 --> 00:54:57.820
an exclusive relationship with you.

1212
00:54:57.820 --> 00:54:58.660
Okay.

1213
00:54:58.660 --> 00:55:00.780
That's the guy that deserves the real answer.

1214
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.080
Okay, um, yeah, because otherwise you're going to start to find out about trauma like there's

1215
00:55:08.080 --> 00:55:13.080
no way to get to the truth like because then I'd have to start talking about my dad issues.

1216
00:55:13.080 --> 00:55:16.360
You know how I picked all the guys this I dumped all the good ones.

1217
00:55:16.360 --> 00:55:17.360
I mean, you know what I mean?

1218
00:55:17.360 --> 00:55:25.040
Like it's just like, there's just no way to get to that answer without unveiling too much.

1219
00:55:25.040 --> 00:55:33.040
Um, oh my gosh, Mel, I'm bold because I'm old.

1220
00:55:33.040 --> 00:55:36.560
You find that after 40 you just like, I don't got time.

1221
00:55:36.560 --> 00:55:37.560
I don't got time to waste.

1222
00:55:37.560 --> 00:55:41.280
I mean, and trust me, you guys, I act like I got it all together.

1223
00:55:41.280 --> 00:55:42.520
And I know how to answer guys.

1224
00:55:42.520 --> 00:55:47.280
I promise you Jackie put me in the seat because she like, okay, who was on the love seat?

1225
00:55:47.280 --> 00:55:51.480
Did she not kind of slaughter me just a little bit in love?

1226
00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:54.200
She was like, Oh, Renee sucked at this at the beginning.

1227
00:55:54.200 --> 00:55:59.860
If you all remember the love seat, in fact, she was also given an example about somebody

1228
00:55:59.860 --> 00:56:06.480
who was dating a widower who found out that the guy she was dating not only was unfaithful,

1229
00:56:06.480 --> 00:56:09.200
but was unfaithful throughout the entire marriage.

1230
00:56:09.200 --> 00:56:10.200
Yeah, that was me.

1231
00:56:10.200 --> 00:56:11.200
That was me.

1232
00:56:11.200 --> 00:56:12.200
She was talking about that was me.

1233
00:56:12.200 --> 00:56:17.160
Um, I was in Simbis and I, he was married for 40 years before she died.

1234
00:56:17.160 --> 00:56:19.840
So I'm thinking 40 year marriage.

1235
00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:20.920
This is amazing.

1236
00:56:20.920 --> 00:56:23.720
I knew he cheated on her once when they were in their twenties.

1237
00:56:23.720 --> 00:56:26.640
They got married like at 20 years old.

1238
00:56:26.640 --> 00:56:28.680
So I was like, Oh my gosh, that was 40 years ago.

1239
00:56:28.680 --> 00:56:31.120
He's learned his lesson.

1240
00:56:31.120 --> 00:56:35.280
Long story short, we're in the Simbis class and the sex conversation comes up cause it

1241
00:56:35.280 --> 00:56:40.760
does and his answer just started being like confusing.

1242
00:56:40.760 --> 00:56:47.400
And so Jackie asked so fabulously, she goes, how many years were you faithful to your wife

1243
00:56:47.400 --> 00:56:50.000
before she died?

1244
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:51.400
What a great way to ask.

1245
00:56:51.400 --> 00:56:55.080
And he was like, like he could not give years.

1246
00:56:55.080 --> 00:56:58.760
What he should have been able to say was it's been 30 years.

1247
00:56:58.760 --> 00:56:59.760
It's been over.

1248
00:56:59.760 --> 00:57:03.320
Cause if it was true that the last time he cheated was in his twenties and he should

1249
00:57:03.320 --> 00:57:04.640
have, should have been said, I don't know.

1250
00:57:04.640 --> 00:57:05.840
It's been at least 30 years.

1251
00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:07.680
That should have been his answer.

1252
00:57:07.680 --> 00:57:12.120
So then I said, how many people did you cheat on her with?

1253
00:57:12.120 --> 00:57:13.800
And he could not give us the number.

1254
00:57:13.800 --> 00:57:14.800
Okay.

1255
00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:18.080
So when you can't say how many years it's been and you can't give the number, yeah,

1256
00:57:18.080 --> 00:57:19.080
it's more than one.

1257
00:57:19.080 --> 00:57:20.940
And it's a pattern.

1258
00:57:20.980 --> 00:57:21.980
It's a pattern.

1259
00:57:21.980 --> 00:57:27.020
So that taught me to start being more blind.

1260
00:57:27.020 --> 00:57:34.180
So all that to say, how can a woman encourage a man without enabling healthy boundaries?

1261
00:57:34.180 --> 00:57:36.540
Like when a man wants to pray over you.

1262
00:57:36.540 --> 00:57:37.540
Okay.

1263
00:57:37.540 --> 00:57:41.700
You guys, the praying thing, just be like, Hey, I love prayer and I'm so excited that

1264
00:57:41.700 --> 00:57:45.100
you want to pray for me and we want to do that, but that's going to create spiritual

1265
00:57:45.100 --> 00:57:46.100
intimacy.

1266
00:57:46.100 --> 00:57:50.340
And I just don't want us to go there in our first month getting to know each other.

1267
00:57:50.740 --> 00:57:52.580
Spiritual intimacy, you guys, is a real thing.

1268
00:57:52.580 --> 00:58:00.380
And I'm convinced like men and women will use spiritual intimacy in replacement of sex,

1269
00:58:00.380 --> 00:58:04.180
but to try to create the same kind of false intimacy too soon.

1270
00:58:04.180 --> 00:58:06.460
It's just the more Christian way to do it.

1271
00:58:06.460 --> 00:58:11.260
You know, like when I was in cheerleading camp in college, we used to do partner stunts

1272
00:58:11.260 --> 00:58:13.460
with other people to like, kind of like flirt.

1273
00:58:13.460 --> 00:58:16.700
Do you ever see where their hands go when they're doing partner stunts with you?

1274
00:58:16.700 --> 00:58:21.780
So like, it's just a way to like be inappropriate without being inappropriate.

1275
00:58:21.780 --> 00:58:24.220
So I mean, some people have the best of intentions.

1276
00:58:24.220 --> 00:58:28.700
I'm not trying to say that, but I'm just saying, I think it's different if somebody wants to

1277
00:58:28.700 --> 00:58:31.540
pray over a meal, like, Hey, we're out to dinner.

1278
00:58:31.540 --> 00:58:33.180
I like to pray over a meal.

1279
00:58:33.180 --> 00:58:38.420
I think that's really different than somebody like starting a Bible study, praying over

1280
00:58:38.420 --> 00:58:41.100
you, you praying for them.

1281
00:58:41.100 --> 00:58:43.900
Let other people be praying for them.

1282
00:58:44.220 --> 00:58:45.220
Candy, what you got?

1283
00:58:47.700 --> 00:58:48.220
Yes.

1284
00:58:48.220 --> 00:58:52.980
Okay, yeah, I have a question about missionary dating because you mentioned previously that

1285
00:58:52.980 --> 00:58:55.500
you don't encourage that.

1286
00:58:55.500 --> 00:59:03.900
So I have talked to this guy, he's Catholic, but he only go to church during holidays.

1287
00:59:03.900 --> 00:59:08.900
And so I don't know how to ask him about, does he have an active faith or not?

1288
00:59:08.900 --> 00:59:10.260
Most likely he doesn't.

1289
00:59:10.260 --> 00:59:11.260
Yeah.

1290
00:59:11.260 --> 00:59:13.140
So here's how you can do it.

1291
00:59:13.140 --> 00:59:16.820
And I will say this, Brian was working three jobs when I met him because he was trying

1292
00:59:16.820 --> 00:59:22.300
to rebuild his savings account because it was pretty much wiped out after his divorce.

1293
00:59:22.300 --> 00:59:27.500
And so he was only watching church online and he really did not have a church community,

1294
00:59:27.500 --> 00:59:30.460
but he was doing like a Bible app every single day.

1295
00:59:30.460 --> 00:59:32.300
He actually knew scripture better than I did.

1296
00:59:32.300 --> 00:59:34.540
And I'm in seminary, kind of embarrassing.

1297
00:59:34.540 --> 00:59:38.900
And so you want to just ask that question, just the way it is.

1298
00:59:38.900 --> 00:59:42.580
And by the way, I know many, Jesus believe in Bible, believe in Catholics.

1299
00:59:42.580 --> 00:59:44.900
We have a lot of Catholics in our community here.

1300
00:59:44.900 --> 00:59:47.260
So there's no shade on Catholics here.

1301
00:59:47.260 --> 00:59:51.340
What the shade is, and the fact that he says he only goes to church on the holidays.

1302
00:59:51.340 --> 00:59:57.020
So I think you literally just ask it that, do you mind telling me what does your faith

1303
00:59:57.020 --> 00:59:59.620
look like day in and day out?

1304
00:59:59.620 --> 01:00:00.020
What does your faith look like?

1305
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.440
faith look like day in and day out?

1306
01:00:02.440 --> 01:00:05.040
Okay, so if his answer is probably he's too busy,

1307
01:00:05.040 --> 01:00:06.520
he doesn't, he-

1308
01:00:06.520 --> 01:00:08.380
If he says he's too busy,

1309
01:00:08.380 --> 01:00:10.200
I would be like, you know what?

1310
01:00:10.200 --> 01:00:12.640
I totally get that that's where you're at in your life.

1311
01:00:12.640 --> 01:00:13.960
I'm just looking for somebody

1312
01:00:13.960 --> 01:00:16.840
who's actually already got an active faith life.

1313
01:00:16.840 --> 01:00:19.480
And so, you know, you probably need to be matched

1314
01:00:19.480 --> 01:00:21.920
with somebody that that's either not a priority

1315
01:00:21.920 --> 01:00:23.820
or they're at the same place you are.

1316
01:00:25.600 --> 01:00:26.440
And-

1317
01:00:26.440 --> 01:00:27.760
What about giving him more time?

1318
01:00:27.760 --> 01:00:31.320
Like, is he mentioning that he wants to retire

1319
01:00:31.320 --> 01:00:32.640
in a year or two?

1320
01:00:32.640 --> 01:00:33.480
So-

1321
01:00:33.480 --> 01:00:34.720
He wants to be what?

1322
01:00:34.720 --> 01:00:36.340
Retire, retire.

1323
01:00:36.340 --> 01:00:37.180
Retire.

1324
01:00:37.180 --> 01:00:38.020
In a year.

1325
01:00:38.020 --> 01:00:39.640
No, no, no.

1326
01:00:39.640 --> 01:00:40.480
So he's gonna tell you

1327
01:00:40.480 --> 01:00:42.320
he's not gonna read the Bible for two years

1328
01:00:42.320 --> 01:00:43.760
cause he's working too much?

1329
01:00:43.760 --> 01:00:45.120
No.

1330
01:00:45.120 --> 01:00:46.520
Cause here's the thing, Candy,

1331
01:00:46.520 --> 01:00:48.440
you want somebody who's gonna,

1332
01:00:48.440 --> 01:00:52.080
who is gonna be talking to God to make the big decisions,

1333
01:00:52.080 --> 01:00:54.600
to decide whether or not he even wants to marry you.

1334
01:00:54.600 --> 01:00:55.640
So, you know what I mean?

1335
01:00:55.640 --> 01:00:58.560
You and I, we all want men and women

1336
01:00:58.560 --> 01:01:00.820
who have an active enough faith in God

1337
01:01:00.820 --> 01:01:02.520
that they're praying and talking to God

1338
01:01:02.520 --> 01:01:06.560
so that they're discerning with God if we're their person.

1339
01:01:06.560 --> 01:01:08.520
So if they're not talking to God,

1340
01:01:08.520 --> 01:01:11.040
then some other body part and something else

1341
01:01:11.040 --> 01:01:13.040
is convincing them to keep dating us,

1342
01:01:13.040 --> 01:01:14.360
but it's not coming from God

1343
01:01:14.360 --> 01:01:15.520
cause they're not talking to God.

1344
01:01:15.520 --> 01:01:16.880
Does that make sense?

1345
01:01:16.880 --> 01:01:17.720
Yeah.

1346
01:01:17.720 --> 01:01:20.360
But the 10 questions that you have given us before,

1347
01:01:20.360 --> 01:01:22.680
you mentioned about if there's any numbers

1348
01:01:22.680 --> 01:01:24.400
that's less than 10, will I be-

1349
01:01:24.400 --> 01:01:27.000
Right, but if he's at a zero,

1350
01:01:27.000 --> 01:01:29.400
to me, if somebody is only going to church

1351
01:01:29.400 --> 01:01:32.880
on the high holidays and they answer,

1352
01:01:32.880 --> 01:01:35.280
if you say to him, are you saying to me

1353
01:01:35.280 --> 01:01:38.980
that you don't ever read scripture, you don't ever pray,

1354
01:01:38.980 --> 01:01:41.400
that's kind of like at a zero or a one.

1355
01:01:41.400 --> 01:01:42.720
Like, do you know what I'm saying?

1356
01:01:42.720 --> 01:01:44.160
And he actually already told you

1357
01:01:44.160 --> 01:01:47.600
he has no intention of growing that faith for two years.

1358
01:01:47.600 --> 01:01:50.040
Now he could have said to you, you know what?

1359
01:01:50.040 --> 01:01:52.000
I've been such a slacker.

1360
01:01:52.000 --> 01:01:53.180
I used to love the Lord.

1361
01:01:53.180 --> 01:01:54.280
I used to be in church.

1362
01:01:55.120 --> 01:01:56.840
I have let my job get in front of me.

1363
01:01:56.840 --> 01:01:58.480
You know, just you talking about it.

1364
01:01:58.480 --> 01:02:00.120
I feel healthy conviction.

1365
01:02:00.120 --> 01:02:01.640
I need to start going to church more.

1366
01:02:01.640 --> 01:02:04.080
I need to start reading scripture more.

1367
01:02:04.080 --> 01:02:08.320
That might be enough for you to give him a chance,

1368
01:02:08.320 --> 01:02:11.720
but it didn't sound like he was gonna make that a priority.

1369
01:02:11.720 --> 01:02:12.560
Do you know what I'm saying?

1370
01:02:12.560 --> 01:02:15.040
So it's okay if their number's lower

1371
01:02:15.040 --> 01:02:16.880
than yours in a given area,

1372
01:02:16.880 --> 01:02:19.040
but if it's an important, like,

1373
01:02:19.040 --> 01:02:21.460
now, if you both have sucky numbers for food

1374
01:02:21.460 --> 01:02:24.060
and you both don't care, then it don't matter, right?

1375
01:02:24.840 --> 01:02:26.000
But if fitness is really important to you

1376
01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:27.620
and they're a lot lower than you,

1377
01:02:27.620 --> 01:02:29.300
if they're showing you, like, you know what?

1378
01:02:29.300 --> 01:02:30.980
I just rejoined a gym.

1379
01:02:30.980 --> 01:02:33.120
I'm finally back in the game.

1380
01:02:33.120 --> 01:02:34.340
Like, I'm in it.

1381
01:02:34.340 --> 01:02:37.480
Then they're showing you that they've got a growth mindset

1382
01:02:37.480 --> 01:02:39.260
towards you on that scale.

1383
01:02:39.260 --> 01:02:40.420
Does that make sense?

1384
01:02:40.420 --> 01:02:42.700
So you're looking for growth mindset.

1385
01:02:42.700 --> 01:02:43.880
Like, I'm in it.

1386
01:02:43.880 --> 01:02:45.060
Like, you guys, I gained,

1387
01:02:45.060 --> 01:02:46.400
I don't know what the hell's happened to me

1388
01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:47.300
since the wedding.

1389
01:02:47.300 --> 01:02:48.460
I don't know what's my hormones.

1390
01:02:48.460 --> 01:02:50.980
The pellets had blopped in my body.

1391
01:02:50.980 --> 01:02:52.740
I have gained 10 pounds since my wedding

1392
01:02:52.780 --> 01:02:56.220
and I'm trying, like, hell to get it back off my body

1393
01:02:56.220 --> 01:02:57.460
and I'm, like, crying about it

1394
01:02:57.460 --> 01:02:58.780
because it just will not come off.

1395
01:02:58.780 --> 01:03:00.420
I'm doing all of the things.

1396
01:03:00.420 --> 01:03:01.260
But that's different.

1397
01:03:01.260 --> 01:03:03.100
Like, I'm in the gym four days a week.

1398
01:03:03.100 --> 01:03:04.700
I'm doing my 10,000 steps.

1399
01:03:04.700 --> 01:03:06.100
I'm counting macros.

1400
01:03:06.100 --> 01:03:07.580
And, you know, so that, like,

1401
01:03:07.580 --> 01:03:10.900
so even though I would give myself a low score fitness-wise,

1402
01:03:10.900 --> 01:03:12.260
I really wouldn't give it that low

1403
01:03:12.260 --> 01:03:14.340
because I'm busting my butt right now.

1404
01:03:14.340 --> 01:03:17.580
So that didn't mean you're at the perfect place,

1405
01:03:17.580 --> 01:03:20.260
but it means, like, your intentionality.

1406
01:03:20.260 --> 01:03:21.940
So I'm glad you asked me that, Candy,

1407
01:03:21.940 --> 01:03:24.100
because we're looking for growth mindset.

1408
01:03:24.100 --> 01:03:25.660
We're looking for intentionality.

1409
01:03:25.660 --> 01:03:28.060
Like, your finances might not look great right now,

1410
01:03:28.060 --> 01:03:30.980
but you're, like, you are, like, snowballing it.

1411
01:03:30.980 --> 01:03:32.420
You're working an extra job.

1412
01:03:32.420 --> 01:03:33.800
You're paying down your debt.

1413
01:03:33.800 --> 01:03:35.140
You're working your debt.

1414
01:03:35.140 --> 01:03:37.420
So you may not be a seven,

1415
01:03:37.420 --> 01:03:40.020
but you're not a one because you're working a plan.

1416
01:03:41.820 --> 01:03:42.660
Okay.

1417
01:03:42.660 --> 01:03:44.180
Is it Judy?

1418
01:03:44.180 --> 01:03:45.460
Okay, all right, thanks.

1419
01:03:45.460 --> 01:03:47.500
No, is it Judy?

1420
01:03:47.500 --> 01:03:48.700
Or how do you pronounce your name?

1421
01:03:48.700 --> 01:03:50.940
It's Judy, yeah, it's Judy.

1422
01:03:50.940 --> 01:03:52.860
I was like, you've just got an extra D in there.

1423
01:03:52.860 --> 01:03:54.140
I don't know what to do with that.

1424
01:03:54.140 --> 01:03:55.100
I know, I don't know.

1425
01:03:55.100 --> 01:03:56.820
My mom gave me two, I don't know.

1426
01:03:56.820 --> 01:03:59.980
It's just a special way of spelling my name.

1427
01:03:59.980 --> 01:04:01.900
So it's my first time asking a question in this forum.

1428
01:04:01.900 --> 01:04:03.380
I've never asked anything before.

1429
01:04:03.380 --> 01:04:07.060
Okay, and by the way, you have a beautiful smile.

1430
01:04:07.060 --> 01:04:09.940
Okay, y'all, like, she's a perfect example

1431
01:04:09.940 --> 01:04:13.460
of the second she came on camera and smiled at me,

1432
01:04:13.460 --> 01:04:15.540
y'all feel her energy, don't you?

1433
01:04:15.540 --> 01:04:17.180
Right, like, she's all in.

1434
01:04:17.180 --> 01:04:19.820
She's glowy and she's all in, and I want to talk to her,

1435
01:04:19.820 --> 01:04:21.180
and I want to take her out on a date.

1436
01:04:21.180 --> 01:04:23.140
Okay, go ahead, girl.

1437
01:04:23.140 --> 01:04:24.100
Thank you.

1438
01:04:24.100 --> 01:04:25.100
So I have a question.

1439
01:04:25.100 --> 01:04:28.420
So I'm actually like going back to dating

1440
01:04:28.420 --> 01:04:30.180
because I've never, I've not dated for a long time.

1441
01:04:30.180 --> 01:04:32.340
So I've just been learning.

1442
01:04:32.340 --> 01:04:36.580
And so now I'm in the app and there's this guy

1443
01:04:36.580 --> 01:04:40.980
who I'm talking to and he's sending such long messages.

1444
01:04:40.980 --> 01:04:43.300
I don't even know how to interpret them.

1445
01:04:43.300 --> 01:04:47.060
It's like so long and so many questions.

1446
01:04:47.060 --> 01:04:48.940
So I'm like a little confused.

1447
01:04:48.940 --> 01:04:49.780
What should I answer?

1448
01:04:50.660 --> 01:04:53.180
Okay, so here's your perfect answer for that.

1449
01:04:53.180 --> 01:04:54.620
And this is what I did to Brian.

1450
01:04:54.620 --> 01:04:56.140
And this is what I did to everybody.

1451
01:04:56.140 --> 01:04:58.260
Though, that's a lot of,

1452
01:04:58.260 --> 01:04:59.940
this is exactly what I would say.

1453
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.080
That's a lot of information and those are really good thoughtful questions. It's too much

1454
01:05:06.600 --> 01:05:11.620
For a texting conversation. I would be happy to switch this over to a video chat

1455
01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:16.680
Yeah, it's in a video chat. You can make sure make sure they're not a scammer

1456
01:05:16.800 --> 01:05:23.080
They're not just cutting and pasting weirdo answers and you're gonna find out if they're needy not needy

1457
01:05:23.080 --> 01:05:27.500
Maybe they just suck at texting and so I immediately say wow

1458
01:05:27.940 --> 01:05:29.940
That's a lot of information

1459
01:05:30.500 --> 01:05:36.220
It's probably too heavy for texting. I would be happy to flip over to a video chat

1460
01:05:36.820 --> 01:05:42.260
Again, do you guys you guys do you know what I see you see how I use every reason to flip us over to a

1461
01:05:42.260 --> 01:05:48.100
Video chat because some people's texting skills are terrible and sometimes it reveals everything

1462
01:05:48.100 --> 01:05:55.260
So if the video chat if he's like all over and he's really intense and then you're gonna be like whoa girl

1463
01:05:55.260 --> 01:06:00.580
Then you're gonna be like, you know what? This is just feeling a little too heavy. This is too heavy too quickly

1464
01:06:01.100 --> 01:06:04.060
Yeah, so it was really nice meeting you but I'm gonna pass

1465
01:06:04.500 --> 01:06:10.300
Yeah, I think the other thing that he also kind of say it was like he goes to bed at 8 p.m

1466
01:06:10.300 --> 01:06:16.040
So like so I'm wondering so if you have to have if you're if after work like there's no time for him to talk

1467
01:06:16.100 --> 01:06:20.700
He's so tired. He has to go to bed at 8 every day. So I'm finding it a bit cheeky

1468
01:06:20.700 --> 01:06:23.820
I haven't suggested that yet. So but yeah, I

1469
01:06:24.420 --> 01:06:30.860
Don't know you're right. So and that makes me wonder what their time zone is. Where are they?

1470
01:06:34.300 --> 01:06:41.020
On the weekend and see I'm telling you what you guys I have had a million like those video chats

1471
01:06:41.500 --> 01:06:45.500
You know, that's why I believe in the speed dating cuz I'm telling you in five minutes

1472
01:06:45.500 --> 01:06:49.140
You can tell if it's good juju with somebody or not. I'm like and

1473
01:06:49.860 --> 01:06:52.300
You got to trust your gut on that one. Okay

1474
01:06:53.300 --> 01:06:58.860
Yep, all right, let's go to role-playing Hunter is the first one he wants to go Hunter

1475
01:06:58.860 --> 01:07:04.620
Do you want to ask me hard questions or do you want me to ask you the hard questions?

1476
01:07:04.820 --> 01:07:10.900
Yeah, you can ask me a hard questions first. Okay, so the timer is going on for two minutes. So

1477
01:07:12.260 --> 01:07:19.100
Try to answer well, but not long so I can ask you the most amount of questions in two minutes. Does that make sense?

1478
01:07:19.820 --> 01:07:20.860
Okay

1479
01:07:20.860 --> 01:07:22.500
All right

1480
01:07:22.500 --> 01:07:25.660
All right. Let me in fact, where'd you go Hunter?

1481
01:07:26.660 --> 01:07:29.620
All right, cuz I got it. I know I'm gonna um

1482
01:07:30.500 --> 01:07:32.220
spotlight you

1483
01:07:32.220 --> 01:07:34.780
Spotlight you there you go. Okay. Are you ready?

1484
01:07:35.300 --> 01:07:36.620
ready

1485
01:07:36.620 --> 01:07:41.700
Okay, Hunter. So tell me what you like to do during the week and on the weekends

1486
01:07:41.700 --> 01:07:43.700
Like what are some fun things that you do?

1487
01:07:43.940 --> 01:07:48.860
well, I like to do is sometimes I like to go outdoors and fish and even

1488
01:07:49.260 --> 01:07:54.620
Cut I even go catch stuff, but now I get to go I would like to go I bike

1489
01:07:54.620 --> 01:08:00.180
But now I'm starting to go do some jogging head to the gym and lift weights and I'm involved in a jiu-jitsu

1490
01:08:00.500 --> 01:08:05.420
Dojo doing some jiu-jitsu brings back old times when I wrestled brings back good old time

1491
01:08:06.020 --> 01:08:11.820
Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun. It doesn't seem like those are activities I can do with you though

1492
01:08:11.820 --> 01:08:16.399
So what's an activity you think would be fun to do out on a date?

1493
01:08:17.240 --> 01:08:20.680
Well, I like to do is think for a date to build a relationship

1494
01:08:20.680 --> 01:08:25.560
I like to start small maybe a walk or go see coffee and if it gets serious and go somewhere

1495
01:08:25.560 --> 01:08:31.240
We'll go do funner things like a fine restaurant or maybe a event go see an event or a concert

1496
01:08:31.800 --> 01:08:33.680
That sounds cool

1497
01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:38.040
Hunter Tommy tell me what are you looking for in a girl? Tell me what you're looking for

1498
01:08:38.040 --> 01:08:44.120
I like I like someone who who would show femininity and physical appearance

1499
01:08:44.120 --> 01:08:50.560
Well, that's a that's a plus but I like someone with common sense and who can who likes to read a lyric and is

1500
01:08:50.800 --> 01:08:55.359
Willing to do visit and is willing to be committed to doing things

1501
01:08:55.720 --> 01:09:01.240
It's been a while since I talked about it, but it's reliable and trustworthy. Yeah, that sounds awesome

1502
01:09:02.359 --> 01:09:08.240
Well, you know hunter. What would you like to ask me? What would you like to know about me? So

1503
01:09:09.319 --> 01:09:13.080
How did how'd you find out about how'd you become the Christ? Oh

1504
01:09:13.840 --> 01:09:16.000
That's a really good question, so, you know

1505
01:09:17.000 --> 01:09:22.240
Obviously without giving you my entire testimony. The short answer is I always grew up in a faith-based home

1506
01:09:22.880 --> 01:09:24.880
But when I went away to college

1507
01:09:24.920 --> 01:09:30.200
Life was just really hard and my parents were going through a divorce and things were tough at school

1508
01:09:30.200 --> 01:09:35.600
And I was involved with a group called the Navigators and I learned a little bit more about it

1509
01:09:35.600 --> 01:09:40.279
And I realized I wanted to make a personal relationship with Jesus. How about you?

1510
01:09:40.800 --> 01:09:48.160
Well, I felt the same way people are negative about the church and people were gonna walk away because of what was going on in

1511
01:09:48.160 --> 01:09:54.040
Their lives and they didn't open the word. I could have walked away because I saw Christianity is a piece of

1512
01:09:54.800 --> 01:09:59.920
Religious superstition that society would say and well, I figure you know, what why don't we open the words?

1513
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:00.860
See what it says.

1514
01:10:00.860 --> 01:10:03.340
And then I started saying, I started growing the Lord.

1515
01:10:03.340 --> 01:10:06.840
And my alternate, my policy is either we're going to do what the word says,

1516
01:10:07.040 --> 01:10:09.360
or we're going to, or we're going to just walk away from the church

1517
01:10:09.360 --> 01:10:13.820
because life is too short for me to just play church and go on.

1518
01:10:15.740 --> 01:10:16.780
I love that Hunter.

1519
01:10:16.780 --> 01:10:17.580
That was amazing.

1520
01:10:17.580 --> 01:10:18.820
And two minutes just hit.

1521
01:10:18.820 --> 01:10:19.720
So you did great.

1522
01:10:19.720 --> 01:10:23.220
Everybody give Hunter a high five.

1523
01:10:25.300 --> 01:10:26.500
Hunter, you did great.

1524
01:10:26.500 --> 01:10:28.120
You're the Guinea pig and you went first.

1525
01:10:28.140 --> 01:10:28.620
Okay.

1526
01:10:29.000 --> 01:10:33.600
The only thing I have for you is a critique because your answers were awesome.

1527
01:10:34.280 --> 01:10:38.000
I don't know what you were looking at, if you were looking at yourself,

1528
01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:39.420
but you weren't looking at me.

1529
01:10:39.900 --> 01:10:40.640
Myself.

1530
01:10:41.640 --> 01:10:42.040
Yeah.

1531
01:10:42.320 --> 01:10:44.160
And you guys be careful.

1532
01:10:44.720 --> 01:10:46.680
I am guilty of doing that on zoom.

1533
01:10:47.120 --> 01:10:52.840
I'm guilty of checking myself at the whole time, like through the whole call.

1534
01:10:52.840 --> 01:10:56.340
So to stop me from doing that on a video date, guess what I do?

1535
01:10:56.340 --> 01:10:57.200
I hide me.

1536
01:10:57.740 --> 01:11:00.380
You can hide yourself from the camera.

1537
01:11:00.500 --> 01:11:03.700
So you don't fall into the habit of looking at yourself.

1538
01:11:03.740 --> 01:11:08.540
Like they've actually done studies during COVID of how people had fatigue

1539
01:11:08.540 --> 01:11:10.860
from staring at themselves too much.

1540
01:11:11.260 --> 01:11:14.220
And so you need to take your face out, but those are great answers.

1541
01:11:14.300 --> 01:11:14.700
Awesome.

1542
01:11:14.740 --> 01:11:14.960
All right.

1543
01:11:14.960 --> 01:11:16.780
Who wants, who else wants to go again?

1544
01:11:17.260 --> 01:11:18.300
Just two minutes.

1545
01:11:19.020 --> 01:11:19.940
Don't be shy.

1546
01:11:20.380 --> 01:11:21.440
This is your chance.

1547
01:11:21.860 --> 01:11:23.360
You guys, Hunter just rocked it.

1548
01:11:23.360 --> 01:11:24.260
I'm just saying.

1549
01:11:25.240 --> 01:11:26.560
All thanks to the heart work.

1550
01:11:26.560 --> 01:11:28.080
And I'm also in the middle of therapy.

1551
01:11:28.080 --> 01:11:29.520
So that'll boost a little bit.

1552
01:11:30.360 --> 01:11:31.320
Now you're oversharing.

1553
01:11:31.320 --> 01:11:31.800
I'm kidding.

1554
01:11:31.820 --> 01:11:32.640
No, I'm kidding.

1555
01:11:33.640 --> 01:11:34.640
We love you, Hunter.

1556
01:11:35.120 --> 01:11:39.480
Um, all right.

1557
01:11:39.560 --> 01:11:40.400
Oh, Christopher.

1558
01:11:40.400 --> 01:11:41.080
Yay.

1559
01:11:41.120 --> 01:11:43.720
Christopher and I are going to have a two minute speed date.

1560
01:11:43.760 --> 01:11:44.360
Okay.

1561
01:11:44.400 --> 01:11:44.920
Let's go.

1562
01:11:45.600 --> 01:11:46.240
Okay.

1563
01:11:46.880 --> 01:11:50.320
Um, are you ready, Chris?

1564
01:11:50.600 --> 01:11:50.800
All right.

1565
01:11:50.800 --> 01:11:51.400
Let me tag you.

1566
01:11:51.440 --> 01:11:53.960
Let me, let me, um,

1567
01:11:55.240 --> 01:11:55.680
okay.

1568
01:11:57.520 --> 01:11:57.880
No.

1569
01:11:58.040 --> 01:12:00.400
Oh, I'm so large on screen.

1570
01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:03.400
Okay.

1571
01:12:04.720 --> 01:12:06.760
I think you could wait here.

1572
01:12:06.920 --> 01:12:09.160
You know, I'll spotlight me too.

1573
01:12:10.080 --> 01:12:11.720
So that doesn't freak you out.

1574
01:12:11.720 --> 01:12:14.760
Wait, where am I at spotlight?

1575
01:12:15.440 --> 01:12:15.720
Okay.

1576
01:12:16.200 --> 01:12:16.600
All right.

1577
01:12:16.680 --> 01:12:17.320
Oh, there we go.

1578
01:12:17.600 --> 01:12:18.520
Does it feel better now?

1579
01:12:18.520 --> 01:12:19.760
If it doesn't feel so creepy.

1580
01:12:19.880 --> 01:12:20.200
Okay.

1581
01:12:20.240 --> 01:12:20.480
Okay.

1582
01:12:20.480 --> 01:12:21.880
I'm going to face right at the camera.

1583
01:12:21.880 --> 01:12:23.360
So it'll look like I'm looking at you.

1584
01:12:24.020 --> 01:12:24.340
Okay.

1585
01:12:24.380 --> 01:12:24.980
Hold on.

1586
01:12:25.020 --> 01:12:25.700
I got it.

1587
01:12:27.860 --> 01:12:28.420
Dang it.

1588
01:12:29.140 --> 01:12:29.900
Oh, crap.

1589
01:12:30.320 --> 01:12:30.580
All right.

1590
01:12:30.580 --> 01:12:32.540
I'm just going to have to wing it.

1591
01:12:32.580 --> 01:12:32.980
Okay.

1592
01:12:33.420 --> 01:12:35.340
Christopher, it's so great to meet you.

1593
01:12:35.720 --> 01:12:38.900
Um, tell me how, where are you in your dating journey?

1594
01:12:38.900 --> 01:12:40.340
Are you just getting back out there?

1595
01:12:40.340 --> 01:12:41.900
Have you been at it a long time?

1596
01:12:42.500 --> 01:12:44.340
No, I'm just getting back out there.

1597
01:12:44.340 --> 01:12:50.360
The, the new agey kind of dating apps is just kind of new to me, but I have a new

1598
01:12:50.380 --> 01:12:54.460
confidence in it and I'm really just looking to meet new people and see what's out there.

1599
01:12:54.740 --> 01:12:56.820
I have actually a lot of positivity about it.

1600
01:12:57.220 --> 01:12:57.860
Oh my gosh.

1601
01:12:57.860 --> 01:12:58.260
You know what?

1602
01:12:58.260 --> 01:13:01.300
What a breath of fresh air because so many people are always complaining about it.

1603
01:13:01.300 --> 01:13:03.620
So I love that you have such a good attitude about it.

1604
01:13:04.060 --> 01:13:10.180
So tell me if we're going on our first date, what would you like to do?

1605
01:13:11.860 --> 01:13:12.800
Well, it depends.

1606
01:13:12.820 --> 01:13:15.220
I'm wondering, are you a, an outdoor girlie?

1607
01:13:15.220 --> 01:13:17.360
Are you kind of a at home?

1608
01:13:17.360 --> 01:13:19.900
What, what, what do you, what's your comfort level?

1609
01:13:20.400 --> 01:13:22.300
When you see this, what's your comfort level?

1610
01:13:23.080 --> 01:13:23.800
Oh my goodness.

1611
01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:24.640
I love that.

1612
01:13:24.640 --> 01:13:25.520
So, you know what?

1613
01:13:25.520 --> 01:13:30.360
I love food and I love a good glass of wine, but I also like movement.

1614
01:13:30.360 --> 01:13:34.240
So, you know, I live in this really cute town and I'd love to just either get a

1615
01:13:34.240 --> 01:13:39.240
drink and us walk, um, and get to know each other, maybe throw a Frisbee around.

1616
01:13:39.280 --> 01:13:44.400
I don't know, us both being super comfortable and not in a super loud or formal place.

1617
01:13:44.840 --> 01:13:45.120
Okay.

1618
01:13:45.120 --> 01:13:46.280
Well, you, you sold me.

1619
01:13:46.280 --> 01:13:47.560
So let's, let's book it.

1620
01:13:47.860 --> 01:13:52.720
We're going to, we'll do a little, uh, little wine, little cheese walk in the park.

1621
01:13:52.780 --> 01:13:54.180
I mean, already done.

1622
01:13:54.180 --> 01:13:57.340
We don't have to see you later.

1623
01:13:58.140 --> 01:13:58.820
I love it.

1624
01:13:58.840 --> 01:13:59.200
Okay.

1625
01:13:59.220 --> 01:14:01.460
I've got some, I got a couple of questions for you.

1626
01:14:01.460 --> 01:14:03.700
This might seem weird and don't worry about the time.

1627
01:14:03.700 --> 01:14:04.980
Cause I started it too soon.

1628
01:14:05.380 --> 01:14:11.260
Um, if I asked your friends what they love most about you, what would they say?

1629
01:14:12.240 --> 01:14:16.120
I would say that I like to be funny.

1630
01:14:16.200 --> 01:14:17.160
I try to be funny.

1631
01:14:17.200 --> 01:14:22.880
I fail a lot, but I try, I think that is what I try to bring some levity to the

1632
01:14:22.880 --> 01:14:23.360
situation.

1633
01:14:23.360 --> 01:14:28.080
I feel when I step into a room or I'm in the conversation, I think plenty of

1634
01:14:28.080 --> 01:14:31.280
seriousness, especially with my job is present all the time.

1635
01:14:31.280 --> 01:14:32.640
So I try to bring a little bit of levity.

1636
01:14:32.840 --> 01:14:33.680
I love that.

1637
01:14:33.700 --> 01:14:34.200
Okay.

1638
01:14:34.360 --> 01:14:38.440
If you could go back to your 18 year old self and give yourself one piece of

1639
01:14:38.440 --> 01:14:40.840
advice, what would you say?

1640
01:14:42.120 --> 01:14:44.480
All right, Christopher, go to church.

1641
01:14:44.720 --> 01:14:45.280
Stop.

1642
01:14:45.400 --> 01:14:46.280
Oh, I'm in college.

1643
01:14:46.280 --> 01:14:47.560
I don't need to go to church anymore.

1644
01:14:47.800 --> 01:14:48.760
Go to church.

1645
01:14:48.880 --> 01:14:49.800
You need church.

1646
01:14:51.080 --> 01:14:51.920
Awesome.

1647
01:14:51.920 --> 01:14:53.600
Christopher, everybody.

1648
01:14:53.600 --> 01:14:55.160
Give Christopher a hand.

1649
01:14:55.160 --> 01:14:56.720
You rocked it, buddy.

1650
01:14:57.480 --> 01:14:58.760
You slayed it.

1651
01:14:58.780 --> 01:14:59.920
I love.

1652
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.300
Okay, ladies, do you love that the men are going first?

1653
01:15:04.300 --> 01:15:05.680
I'm just saying.

1654
01:15:05.680 --> 01:15:08.800
I'm just saying, woot, woot, to the men.

1655
01:15:08.800 --> 01:15:10.540
All right, I loved it.

1656
01:15:10.540 --> 01:15:12.840
Okay, great job.

1657
01:15:12.840 --> 01:15:14.380
Now, I know some of you girls,

1658
01:15:14.380 --> 01:15:16.580
you're gonna feel creeped out coming on a date with me

1659
01:15:16.580 --> 01:15:17.620
because I'm still a girl,

1660
01:15:17.620 --> 01:15:19.820
but I promise I can pretend to be a boy.

1661
01:15:19.820 --> 01:15:22.720
All right, who is coming on?

1662
01:15:22.720 --> 01:15:24.620
Denise, oh, Denise, you're gonna date me.

1663
01:15:24.620 --> 01:15:26.000
Okay, here we go, girl.

1664
01:15:26.960 --> 01:15:28.760
Ah-ha.

1665
01:15:28.760 --> 01:15:31.440
And I'll be up here with you so you don't feel so weird.

1666
01:15:31.440 --> 01:15:32.700
Yes, please, it's huge.

1667
01:15:32.700 --> 01:15:34.600
I get it, Christopher.

1668
01:15:34.600 --> 01:15:36.840
You're like, oh, that's just a lot of me right now.

1669
01:15:36.840 --> 01:15:38.580
That's a lot of me.

1670
01:15:38.580 --> 01:15:39.920
Whoa.

1671
01:15:39.920 --> 01:15:42.580
Okay, are you ready?

1672
01:15:42.580 --> 01:15:43.420
I'm ready.

1673
01:15:44.280 --> 01:15:45.560
Oh my goodness, Denise,

1674
01:15:45.560 --> 01:15:49.360
isn't this like speed dating just a little overwhelming?

1675
01:15:49.360 --> 01:15:52.060
Is this the first time that you're doing it?

1676
01:15:52.060 --> 01:15:54.600
No, I've done it before.

1677
01:15:54.620 --> 01:15:56.960
And I love just knowing right away

1678
01:15:56.960 --> 01:15:58.240
whether we're gonna click or not.

1679
01:15:58.240 --> 01:16:00.140
So I feel like it's a good thing.

1680
01:16:00.140 --> 01:16:03.900
So you can get like, I don't know, eight done in the night.

1681
01:16:03.900 --> 01:16:04.740
I love it.

1682
01:16:04.740 --> 01:16:06.680
So what are you looking for right away

1683
01:16:06.680 --> 01:16:07.800
in the first few minutes?

1684
01:16:07.800 --> 01:16:08.640
Tell me.

1685
01:16:09.620 --> 01:16:11.780
Oh, what I love to know is what people would do

1686
01:16:11.780 --> 01:16:13.640
if they had all the money in the world.

1687
01:16:13.640 --> 01:16:15.020
Like what is their passion?

1688
01:16:15.020 --> 01:16:15.860
What drives them?

1689
01:16:15.860 --> 01:16:17.320
Oh, so are you asking me that?

1690
01:16:17.320 --> 01:16:18.160
Yeah, absolutely.

1691
01:16:18.160 --> 01:16:18.980
That's what I do.

1692
01:16:18.980 --> 01:16:19.820
What is it?

1693
01:16:19.820 --> 01:16:22.320
Okay, well, assuming the debt is all paid off

1694
01:16:22.320 --> 01:16:23.880
and there's money for the kids,

1695
01:16:23.880 --> 01:16:25.860
the grandkids kind of set aside,

1696
01:16:26.940 --> 01:16:28.640
I would love to give it away.

1697
01:16:28.640 --> 01:16:31.800
I would love to give it away in like the most random moments.

1698
01:16:31.800 --> 01:16:34.960
Like I've always seen where like people randomly go up

1699
01:16:34.960 --> 01:16:37.020
at the cash register and behind people

1700
01:16:37.020 --> 01:16:38.960
and just start paying bills.

1701
01:16:38.960 --> 01:16:42.520
And I would love to be able to do that all over the place.

1702
01:16:42.520 --> 01:16:43.360
How about you?

1703
01:16:43.360 --> 01:16:44.800
What would you do with that money?

1704
01:16:45.880 --> 01:16:47.120
Well, I don't need the money.

1705
01:16:47.120 --> 01:16:49.000
So the point is like you have all the money

1706
01:16:49.000 --> 01:16:50.360
to take care of everything.

1707
01:16:50.360 --> 01:16:52.520
And what would you do with your extra time?

1708
01:16:52.520 --> 01:16:53.360
Oh, what would you do?

1709
01:16:53.360 --> 01:16:54.640
And for me, that would be,

1710
01:16:54.640 --> 01:16:57.180
it would be to help people hope and dream again.

1711
01:16:57.180 --> 01:17:00.480
So I've come from like rock bottom in my life

1712
01:17:00.480 --> 01:17:01.960
and I've learned how to do that.

1713
01:17:01.960 --> 01:17:03.340
And only with God's help,

1714
01:17:03.340 --> 01:17:05.820
but just showing people that there is a way

1715
01:17:05.820 --> 01:17:07.080
to hope and dream again.

1716
01:17:07.080 --> 01:17:08.680
And you can have like everything

1717
01:17:08.680 --> 01:17:10.920
you're wishing and desiring for.

1718
01:17:10.920 --> 01:17:13.840
Wow, so you seem to have a really good attitude.

1719
01:17:13.840 --> 01:17:15.240
Where did that come from?

1720
01:17:17.400 --> 01:17:19.260
I don't think seriously.

1721
01:17:19.260 --> 01:17:22.260
And I'm very blunt and I don't care what people think.

1722
01:17:22.260 --> 01:17:24.940
So I think all of that plays into it.

1723
01:17:24.940 --> 01:17:27.540
Oh my goodness, so if we're on a date

1724
01:17:27.540 --> 01:17:29.540
and you don't like something that I said or did,

1725
01:17:29.540 --> 01:17:32.080
you're gonna actually tell me, aren't you?

1726
01:17:32.080 --> 01:17:35.860
No, actually, because a lot of things don't bother me.

1727
01:17:35.860 --> 01:17:36.700
Okay.

1728
01:17:36.700 --> 01:17:38.780
So if you did something very rude to me,

1729
01:17:38.780 --> 01:17:40.140
I would check you.

1730
01:17:40.140 --> 01:17:42.740
But most things I'm like, that's your opinion.

1731
01:17:42.740 --> 01:17:43.620
You do you.

1732
01:17:43.620 --> 01:17:46.540
And unless we're serious, I don't care.

1733
01:17:46.540 --> 01:17:48.980
Oh my goodness, Denise, you just rocked it, man.

1734
01:17:49.660 --> 01:17:50.500
That was great two minutes.

1735
01:17:50.500 --> 01:17:51.340
High five, everybody.

1736
01:17:51.340 --> 01:17:52.180
Woo, woo!

1737
01:17:53.260 --> 01:17:55.620
Oh my gosh, you did so good, y'all.

1738
01:17:55.620 --> 01:17:56.860
Look at this.

1739
01:17:56.860 --> 01:17:59.060
Good job, good job, good job.

1740
01:17:59.060 --> 01:17:59.900
Okay.

1741
01:18:00.940 --> 01:18:02.600
Do I have another raised hand?

1742
01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:07.500
Gwen, let's do it, Gwen.

1743
01:18:07.500 --> 01:18:08.340
Hi.

1744
01:18:08.340 --> 01:18:10.760
I've never done a speed dating thing.

1745
01:18:10.760 --> 01:18:13.060
Well, actually, now they're a vibe.

1746
01:18:13.060 --> 01:18:13.900
Oh.

1747
01:18:13.900 --> 01:18:15.620
But I think we're rocking it.

1748
01:18:15.620 --> 01:18:17.120
I think we're rocking it.

1749
01:18:17.320 --> 01:18:18.880
Um, okay.

1750
01:18:18.880 --> 01:18:19.880
I gotta think, hold on,

1751
01:18:19.880 --> 01:18:22.400
because I gotta think of a good question.

1752
01:18:22.400 --> 01:18:24.400
Let me get my juices thinking.

1753
01:18:24.400 --> 01:18:27.040
Did you notice I'm not asking the same questions twice?

1754
01:18:27.040 --> 01:18:29.200
I'm just rolling with it.

1755
01:18:29.200 --> 01:18:30.280
Getting a little sweaty here.

1756
01:18:30.280 --> 01:18:31.100
Okay.

1757
01:18:32.480 --> 01:18:33.320
Okay.

1758
01:18:34.520 --> 01:18:36.680
Oh my gosh, Gwen, I really love your top.

1759
01:18:36.680 --> 01:18:38.240
It's such a pretty color for you,

1760
01:18:38.240 --> 01:18:39.680
and your arms look really fit.

1761
01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:41.200
Do you work out, girl?

1762
01:18:41.200 --> 01:18:42.720
Yes, I do.

1763
01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:44.520
I go to the gym every day.

1764
01:18:44.520 --> 01:18:46.040
Oh my gosh, what do you do at the gym?

1765
01:18:46.040 --> 01:18:47.160
Are you a cardio girl?

1766
01:18:47.160 --> 01:18:48.800
Are you a weights girl?

1767
01:18:48.800 --> 01:18:50.240
Today, I did synergy,

1768
01:18:50.240 --> 01:18:52.880
so that's like stretching and sit-ups and all that,

1769
01:18:52.880 --> 01:18:56.320
and yesterday, I swam for 30 minutes,

1770
01:18:56.320 --> 01:18:58.440
and then, what else?

1771
01:18:58.440 --> 01:19:01.100
I like to do the circuit,

1772
01:19:01.100 --> 01:19:03.200
and I like to do all of it,

1773
01:19:03.200 --> 01:19:04.040
the classes, the weights.

1774
01:19:04.040 --> 01:19:05.160
That's so fun.

1775
01:19:05.160 --> 01:19:06.000
That's so fun.

1776
01:19:06.000 --> 01:19:07.960
Now, so is it important to you

1777
01:19:07.960 --> 01:19:11.160
that I be a gym girl, a gym boy too?

1778
01:19:12.880 --> 01:19:15.760
I think it would be nice to go to the gym with somebody,

1779
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:17.480
or go on a hike with someone,

1780
01:19:17.480 --> 01:19:19.240
or be equivalent.

1781
01:19:20.960 --> 01:19:22.920
I love to sit in front of the TV

1782
01:19:22.920 --> 01:19:24.920
and stare at movies for a long time,

1783
01:19:24.920 --> 01:19:27.120
but I would prefer it,

1784
01:19:27.120 --> 01:19:30.480
because at my age, it's more of a health thing.

1785
01:19:32.520 --> 01:19:36.000
Yeah, I'm in my 60s, so it's like,

1786
01:19:36.000 --> 01:19:38.800
eating is really important too,

1787
01:19:38.800 --> 01:19:41.200
like not having sugar and processed food.

1788
01:19:42.320 --> 01:19:43.160
Oh goodness.

1789
01:19:43.160 --> 01:19:43.980
You know what?

1790
01:19:43.980 --> 01:19:45.740
I definitely don't like the processed food,

1791
01:19:46.720 --> 01:19:47.560
but I like my sugar,

1792
01:19:47.560 --> 01:19:49.580
so does that mean you're not gonna let me have my Diet Coke?

1793
01:19:49.580 --> 01:19:50.420
I'm just saying.

1794
01:19:50.420 --> 01:19:51.740
Oh yeah, you can have all that stuff,

1795
01:19:51.740 --> 01:19:54.540
but for me personally, I would.

1796
01:19:54.540 --> 01:19:56.700
That's how my body feels.

1797
01:19:56.700 --> 01:19:59.380
It feels so much better without.

1798
01:19:59.380 --> 01:20:00.220
I love that.

1799
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.220
Okay, so obviously eating healthy and working out is important to you.

1800
01:20:04.220 --> 01:20:08.580
Is there anything else that you love to do that you're hoping I might be interested in

1801
01:20:08.580 --> 01:20:09.580
too?

1802
01:20:09.580 --> 01:20:17.360
Um, I love, I love camping and I've backpacked and I actually got tickets to Yosemite, which

1803
01:20:17.360 --> 01:20:18.360
is amazing.

1804
01:20:18.360 --> 01:20:19.360
Oh my goodness.

1805
01:20:19.360 --> 01:20:20.360
Yosemite is gorgeous.

1806
01:20:20.360 --> 01:20:21.360
Yes.

1807
01:20:21.360 --> 01:20:25.040
And to float down the Merced River or hike up to the waterfalls.

1808
01:20:25.040 --> 01:20:26.840
I would love to have somebody like that.

1809
01:20:26.840 --> 01:20:30.400
But also would you, does that mean you would go camping with me?

1810
01:20:30.400 --> 01:20:32.000
Can we go do that next weekend?

1811
01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:39.040
Oh, do you have your own tent, your own like, your own spot and your own hotel room and

1812
01:20:39.040 --> 01:20:40.040
your own whatever?

1813
01:20:40.040 --> 01:20:41.040
I've actually had that situation.

1814
01:20:41.040 --> 01:20:42.040
I know girl.

1815
01:20:42.040 --> 01:20:43.040
You did good.

1816
01:20:43.040 --> 01:20:44.040
Two minutes.

1817
01:20:44.040 --> 01:20:45.040
That was good.

1818
01:20:45.040 --> 01:20:46.040
I love it.

1819
01:20:46.040 --> 01:20:49.960
Um, just make sure you look at me more too.

1820
01:20:49.960 --> 01:20:51.320
I'm like looking everywhere.

1821
01:20:51.320 --> 01:20:52.920
I don't know why.

1822
01:20:52.920 --> 01:20:55.040
You guys, I did not know I do this.

1823
01:20:55.040 --> 01:20:59.480
Like as a public speaker, I'm really good at making eye contact.

1824
01:20:59.480 --> 01:21:04.640
I've learned watching myself cause we have to film ourselves for my counseling sessions.

1825
01:21:04.640 --> 01:21:10.320
I look up when I'm thinking like when I'm thinking I look up a lot and I know I don't

1826
01:21:10.320 --> 01:21:12.080
do that when I'm in public.

1827
01:21:12.080 --> 01:21:15.120
So be careful if you're on a video day.

1828
01:21:15.120 --> 01:21:19.760
Um, it's easy to get just more distracted, but those are great answers.

1829
01:21:19.760 --> 01:21:20.760
Great job.

1830
01:21:20.760 --> 01:21:21.760
Great job.

1831
01:21:21.760 --> 01:21:22.760
Okay.

1832
01:21:22.760 --> 01:21:23.760
Who is, um, Oh Dan, let's go.

1833
01:21:23.760 --> 01:21:24.760
All right.

1834
01:21:25.480 --> 01:21:26.480
We probably did two guys.

1835
01:21:26.480 --> 01:21:27.480
Let's go back to a guy.

1836
01:21:27.480 --> 01:21:28.480
Is that Dan?

1837
01:21:28.480 --> 01:21:29.480
Dan the man.

1838
01:21:29.480 --> 01:21:30.480
Yup.

1839
01:21:30.480 --> 01:21:31.480
That's me.

1840
01:21:31.480 --> 01:21:32.480
Okay.

1841
01:21:32.480 --> 01:21:33.480
Can you hear me fine?

1842
01:21:33.480 --> 01:21:34.480
Yep.

1843
01:21:34.480 --> 01:21:35.480
Hold on.

1844
01:21:35.480 --> 01:21:36.480
I can hear you.

1845
01:21:36.480 --> 01:21:37.480
I'm going to spotlight you in just a second.

1846
01:21:37.480 --> 01:21:38.480
Okay.

1847
01:21:38.480 --> 01:21:39.480
Dan, Dan, do you live in Connecticut?

1848
01:21:39.480 --> 01:21:40.480
I do.

1849
01:21:40.480 --> 01:21:41.480
I'm from Connecticut.

1850
01:21:41.480 --> 01:21:42.480
Where do you live?

1851
01:21:42.480 --> 01:21:43.480
In Derby.

1852
01:21:43.480 --> 01:21:44.480
Okay.

1853
01:21:44.480 --> 01:21:45.480
So you sound like me.

1854
01:21:45.480 --> 01:21:46.480
You got that accent.

1855
01:21:46.480 --> 01:21:47.480
Yeah.

1856
01:21:47.480 --> 01:21:48.480
I'm a lot of, very close to New York City.

1857
01:21:48.480 --> 01:21:49.480
I can hop on the train.

1858
01:21:49.480 --> 01:21:50.480
We are right there.

1859
01:21:50.480 --> 01:21:51.480
Yeah.

1860
01:21:51.480 --> 01:21:52.480
Big Yankees fan.

1861
01:21:52.480 --> 01:21:53.480
Okay.

1862
01:21:53.480 --> 01:21:54.480
Go Yankees.

1863
01:21:54.480 --> 01:21:55.480
All right.

1864
01:21:55.480 --> 01:21:56.480
Are you ready?

1865
01:21:56.480 --> 01:21:57.480
Yes.

1866
01:21:57.480 --> 01:21:58.480
Oh my goodness.

1867
01:21:58.480 --> 01:21:59.480
So I can totally hear your accent.

1868
01:21:59.480 --> 01:22:00.480
I think you said you're from Connecticut.

1869
01:22:00.480 --> 01:22:01.480
So do you like to go into the city?

1870
01:22:01.480 --> 01:22:02.480
I sure do.

1871
01:22:02.480 --> 01:22:03.480
I make a habit of going to a Yankees game once a year, or I'll just like walk around

1872
01:22:03.480 --> 01:22:04.480
somewhere.

1873
01:22:04.480 --> 01:22:05.480
If there's like people from work, I beg them, please come over here.

1874
01:22:05.480 --> 01:22:06.480
I will take you to the city.

1875
01:22:06.480 --> 01:22:07.480
We'll go to the block.

1876
01:22:07.480 --> 01:22:08.480
We'll go to the block.

1877
01:22:08.480 --> 01:22:09.480
We'll go to the block.

1878
01:22:09.480 --> 01:22:10.480
We'll go to the block.

1879
01:22:10.480 --> 01:22:11.480
We'll go to the block.

1880
01:22:11.480 --> 01:22:12.480
We'll go to the block.

1881
01:22:12.480 --> 01:22:13.480
We'll go to the block.

1882
01:22:13.480 --> 01:22:14.480
We'll go to the block.

1883
01:22:14.480 --> 01:22:15.480
We'll go to the block.

1884
01:22:15.720 --> 01:22:16.760
Okay, so, besides, I love me a good Yankees game, but they do last a really long time.

1885
01:22:16.760 --> 01:22:17.760
What else do you like to do in New York City?

1886
01:22:17.760 --> 01:22:18.760
By any chance, do you like theater?

1887
01:22:18.760 --> 01:22:19.760
I actually do.

1888
01:22:19.760 --> 01:22:20.760
I'm at the risk of getting kicked off the Deacon Board.

1889
01:22:20.760 --> 01:22:21.760
I am a Green Bay fan, and I missed out on the American Academy Awards.

1890
01:22:21.760 --> 01:22:22.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker too.

1891
01:22:22.760 --> 01:22:23.760
I'm like, you know, there's always an Oscar, there's always an Oscar.

1892
01:22:23.760 --> 01:22:24.760
So I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1893
01:22:24.760 --> 01:22:25.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1894
01:22:25.760 --> 01:22:26.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1895
01:22:26.760 --> 01:22:27.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1896
01:22:27.760 --> 01:22:28.760
I'm a New Yorker.

1897
01:22:28.760 --> 01:22:29.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1898
01:22:29.760 --> 01:22:30.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1899
01:22:30.760 --> 01:22:31.760
I'm kind of a New Yorker.

1900
01:22:32.400 --> 01:22:37.760
I'm a New Yorker.

1901
01:22:37.760 --> 01:22:45.720
I'm a New Yorker.

1902
01:22:45.720 --> 01:22:51.000
I'm a New Yorker.

1903
01:22:51.000 --> 01:22:55.240
I'm a New Yorker.

1904
01:22:55.240 --> 01:23:00.120
I'm a New Yorker.

1905
01:23:00.780 --> 01:23:08.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1906
01:23:08.780 --> 01:23:14.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1907
01:23:14.780 --> 01:23:20.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1908
01:23:20.780 --> 01:23:27.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1909
01:23:50.780 --> 01:23:56.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1910
01:24:20.780 --> 01:24:26.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1911
01:24:50.780 --> 01:24:56.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1912
01:24:56.780 --> 01:25:02.780
I'm a New Yorker.

1913
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.000
Thank you.

1914
01:25:01.000 --> 01:25:02.000
You bet.

1915
01:25:02.000 --> 01:25:04.320
I got time for like two or three more guys.

1916
01:25:04.320 --> 01:25:05.320
All right.

1917
01:25:05.320 --> 01:25:06.320
Are you ready?

1918
01:25:06.320 --> 01:25:07.320
Good job.

1919
01:25:07.320 --> 01:25:08.320
Good job.

1920
01:25:08.320 --> 01:25:09.320
Good job, Dan.

1921
01:25:09.320 --> 01:25:10.320
Good to have you in the community.

1922
01:25:10.320 --> 01:25:11.320
I've not seen you.

1923
01:25:11.320 --> 01:25:16.160
I sometimes help out on the men's nights, so have I seen you on one of the men's nights?

1924
01:25:16.160 --> 01:25:22.040
I don't believe so, but just make sure you look for one of these, a genuine Connecticut

1925
01:25:22.040 --> 01:25:23.040
pizza passport.

1926
01:25:23.040 --> 01:25:24.040
Oh, my gosh.

1927
01:25:24.040 --> 01:25:25.040
I've heard about that.

1928
01:25:25.040 --> 01:25:26.040
That is hilarious.

1929
01:25:26.040 --> 01:25:27.040
I'm going to talk to you about that one.

1930
01:25:27.040 --> 01:25:30.520
Yeah.

1931
01:25:30.520 --> 01:25:31.760
We're genuine pizza snobs.

1932
01:25:31.760 --> 01:25:35.760
I challenge any New Yorker, anybody from New Jersey, we got the best pizza.

1933
01:25:35.760 --> 01:25:36.760
Come fight me on this.

1934
01:25:36.760 --> 01:25:37.760
Okay.

1935
01:25:37.760 --> 01:25:39.880
Well, here's what's funny is we got off.

1936
01:25:39.880 --> 01:25:44.360
My husband was laughing because we got off the ... We flew into New Haven, and it says

1937
01:25:44.360 --> 01:25:48.800
the best pizza, and I'm like, who knew Connecticut had the best pizza?

1938
01:25:48.800 --> 01:25:49.800
Hilarious.

1939
01:25:49.800 --> 01:25:50.800
Sorry.

1940
01:25:50.800 --> 01:25:51.800
Great job.

1941
01:25:51.800 --> 01:25:52.800
Okay.

1942
01:25:52.800 --> 01:25:55.160
Lori, let me tag you, girl.

1943
01:25:55.280 --> 01:25:57.520
Are you guys really proud of everybody?

1944
01:25:57.520 --> 01:25:59.480
Everyone's doing so good.

1945
01:25:59.480 --> 01:26:02.480
It feels a little weird, but we're rocking it.

1946
01:26:02.480 --> 01:26:03.480
I'm rocking it.

1947
01:26:03.480 --> 01:26:04.480
Okay.

1948
01:26:04.480 --> 01:26:05.480
Are you ready, girl?

1949
01:26:05.480 --> 01:26:06.840
I'm ready as I'll ever be.

1950
01:26:06.840 --> 01:26:07.840
Okay.

1951
01:26:07.840 --> 01:26:14.000
A, I'm going to compliment you on your background scene, like the flowers behind you.

1952
01:26:14.000 --> 01:26:17.760
This is like perfect set for a date right here.

1953
01:26:17.760 --> 01:26:18.760
She's got her hair.

1954
01:26:18.760 --> 01:26:20.200
She's got a nice top.

1955
01:26:20.200 --> 01:26:23.760
She's got flowers behind her, and she doesn't have a lot of competing stuff.

1956
01:26:23.760 --> 01:26:29.320
I'm kind of competing right now with some of my stuff behind me, but I'm close enough

1957
01:26:29.320 --> 01:26:30.320
in so you can see me.

1958
01:26:30.320 --> 01:26:31.320
All right.

1959
01:26:31.320 --> 01:26:32.320
Are you ready?

1960
01:26:32.320 --> 01:26:35.320
Let me think of a good opening question.

1961
01:26:35.320 --> 01:26:36.320
Okay.

1962
01:26:36.320 --> 01:26:40.240
So, Lori, I see that you've got those really pretty flowers behind you.

1963
01:26:40.240 --> 01:26:42.320
By any chance, are you a green thumb?

1964
01:26:42.320 --> 01:26:45.640
Do you know how to plant stuff and keep them alive?

1965
01:26:45.640 --> 01:26:53.560
Well, according to my family, I cannot keep anything alive, but I'm good at trying, though.

1966
01:26:54.360 --> 01:26:56.200
I thought they're pretty, so we'll see how long they last.

1967
01:26:56.200 --> 01:26:57.200
You never know.

1968
01:26:57.200 --> 01:26:58.200
Oh, my goodness.

1969
01:26:58.200 --> 01:26:59.200
I love that.

1970
01:26:59.200 --> 01:27:00.200
Okay.

1971
01:27:00.200 --> 01:27:01.800
That was so honest, and I really appreciate that.

1972
01:27:01.800 --> 01:27:05.220
So are you a good cook?

1973
01:27:05.220 --> 01:27:11.560
I'm a good cook if I have a recipe, and then I tweak it a little bit, but I'm not one of

1974
01:27:11.560 --> 01:27:14.480
these just whip it up and have no directions.

1975
01:27:14.480 --> 01:27:15.480
Okay.

1976
01:27:15.480 --> 01:27:19.360
So do you have like a certain genre of food that you like to cook?

1977
01:27:19.520 --> 01:27:24.880
Well, I love Greek food, Mexican food.

1978
01:27:24.880 --> 01:27:26.920
I'm trying to stay away from the gluten.

1979
01:27:26.920 --> 01:27:30.920
It doesn't really light my body.

1980
01:27:30.920 --> 01:27:31.920
I had a doctor tell me.

1981
01:27:31.920 --> 01:27:32.920
Yeah.

1982
01:27:32.920 --> 01:27:33.920
Well, anyway, I'm not going to go into that.

1983
01:27:33.920 --> 01:27:34.920
Yep.

1984
01:27:34.920 --> 01:27:38.240
So is it really important for you to be healthy then?

1985
01:27:38.240 --> 01:27:40.400
Yes, absolutely.

1986
01:27:40.400 --> 01:27:41.400
Working on it.

1987
01:27:41.400 --> 01:27:45.560
I did plenty of years of not being healthy, so I got to make up for lost time.

1988
01:27:45.560 --> 01:27:46.560
I love that.

1989
01:27:46.560 --> 01:27:48.400
That's such a great attitude.

1990
01:27:48.440 --> 01:27:51.280
So what else do you like to do for fun?

1991
01:27:51.280 --> 01:27:52.280
For fun?

1992
01:27:52.280 --> 01:27:53.280
Let's see.

1993
01:27:53.280 --> 01:27:54.280
I love to go.

1994
01:27:54.280 --> 01:27:55.280
I love golfing.

1995
01:27:55.280 --> 01:27:57.800
I've played ever since I was 12.

1996
01:27:57.800 --> 01:27:58.800
That's amazing.

1997
01:27:58.800 --> 01:28:02.800
And then roller skating, it doesn't matter how old you are, I still like to go roller

1998
01:28:02.800 --> 01:28:03.800
skating.

1999
01:28:03.800 --> 01:28:04.800
Okay.

2000
01:28:04.800 --> 01:28:08.480
I love that because roller skating and golf are like the opposite of each other.

2001
01:28:08.480 --> 01:28:11.240
So that sounds like you are very creative.

2002
01:28:11.240 --> 01:28:13.200
Oh my goodness.

2003
01:28:13.200 --> 01:28:14.200
I would say that.

2004
01:28:14.200 --> 01:28:15.200
Yeah.

2005
01:28:15.200 --> 01:28:17.520
So what are you looking for in somebody?

2006
01:28:17.640 --> 01:28:24.120
I am looking for somebody that, well, obviously they, you know, for me, having a relationship

2007
01:28:24.120 --> 01:28:30.240
with Jesus is super important, but fun, man, you have to laugh at life.

2008
01:28:30.240 --> 01:28:32.880
I've had way too much serious stuff.

2009
01:28:32.880 --> 01:28:34.160
So yes.

2010
01:28:34.160 --> 01:28:35.160
I love that.

2011
01:28:35.160 --> 01:28:39.120
See how fast two minutes goes, you guys?

2012
01:28:39.120 --> 01:28:40.120
Oh gosh.

2013
01:28:40.120 --> 01:28:41.120
I'm like hyperventilating.

2014
01:28:41.120 --> 01:28:42.120
But you did so good.

2015
01:28:42.120 --> 01:28:46.840
Here's the thing, you guys, like, I don't even know what I'm going to be at.

2016
01:28:47.160 --> 01:28:53.480
I come up with one leading opening question, but then like, I kind of just play off of

2017
01:28:53.480 --> 01:28:55.560
what they're saying.

2018
01:28:55.560 --> 01:28:59.440
By the way, I didn't get to compliment you, Christopher, but you spinning that dating

2019
01:28:59.440 --> 01:29:02.680
question back on me was pure genius.

2020
01:29:02.680 --> 01:29:03.840
So kudos.

2021
01:29:03.840 --> 01:29:05.600
I forgot to compliment you on that one.

2022
01:29:05.600 --> 01:29:06.600
I was like, what are we going to do?

2023
01:29:06.600 --> 01:29:08.600
And you're like, well, what do you want to do, Renee?

2024
01:29:08.600 --> 01:29:09.600
I was good.

2025
01:29:09.600 --> 01:29:10.600
I'm a good teacher.

2026
01:29:10.600 --> 01:29:11.600
All right.

2027
01:29:11.600 --> 01:29:12.600
Let's see.

2028
01:29:12.600 --> 01:29:13.600
All right.

2029
01:29:13.600 --> 01:29:14.600
Marsha.

2030
01:29:14.600 --> 01:29:15.600
Okay.

2031
01:29:15.600 --> 01:29:16.600
Last one.

2032
01:29:16.600 --> 01:29:17.600
You're the last one, girl.

2033
01:29:17.600 --> 01:29:18.600
Last one.

2034
01:29:18.600 --> 01:29:19.600
We will do this next time too.

2035
01:29:19.600 --> 01:29:30.320
I'll tell you at the end what we're going to do because I'm on deck March 30th and we're

2036
01:29:30.320 --> 01:29:33.960
going to talk about your deal breakers.

2037
01:29:33.960 --> 01:29:37.080
I actually want you to come with your deal breaker list.

2038
01:29:37.080 --> 01:29:41.520
Your preferences versus your deal breaker list because I'm going to help make sure that

2039
01:29:41.520 --> 01:29:46.840
your deal breaker list is not too long and that whatever needs to be on your preferences

2040
01:29:46.840 --> 01:29:50.840
and then helping us discern which things can be a compromise.

2041
01:29:50.840 --> 01:29:51.840
Okay.

2042
01:29:51.840 --> 01:29:55.080
Are you ready, Marsha?

2043
01:29:55.080 --> 01:29:55.880
I can't hear you.

2044
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.800
Hello, can you hear me now?

2045
01:30:04.800 --> 01:30:05.800
I can.

2046
01:30:05.800 --> 01:30:06.800
I can.

2047
01:30:06.800 --> 01:30:07.800
I can.

2048
01:30:07.800 --> 01:30:08.800
All right.

2049
01:30:08.800 --> 01:30:09.800
Are you ready?

2050
01:30:09.800 --> 01:30:10.800
Yes.

2051
01:30:10.800 --> 01:30:15.160
Okay, Marsha, it's so great to meet you.

2052
01:30:15.160 --> 01:30:17.480
It looks like you're in an office.

2053
01:30:17.480 --> 01:30:19.040
Are you at work right now?

2054
01:30:19.040 --> 01:30:20.040
No.

2055
01:30:20.040 --> 01:30:21.040
No.

2056
01:30:21.040 --> 01:30:27.880
This is just my, um, this is just my, my bedroom slash office.

2057
01:30:27.880 --> 01:30:28.880
Okay.

2058
01:30:28.880 --> 01:30:29.880
Okay.

2059
01:30:29.880 --> 01:30:30.880
Okay.

2060
01:30:30.880 --> 01:30:35.440
So tell me, Marsha, what do you like to do for fun?

2061
01:30:35.440 --> 01:30:38.520
I like to listen to a wide variety of music.

2062
01:30:38.520 --> 01:30:45.040
Like I enjoy watching YouTube, the various things, whether it be faith, politics, world

2063
01:30:45.040 --> 01:30:49.520
events, whatever, music, whatever, pop culture.

2064
01:30:49.520 --> 01:30:57.560
I enjoy, well, I enjoy reading and especially these days I really enjoy listening to a lot

2065
01:30:57.560 --> 01:31:04.040
of stuff so I can get something else done while I'm, while I'm reading, which is really

2066
01:31:04.040 --> 01:31:10.560
listening to a book or, and I also like, I like listening to a lot of information.

2067
01:31:10.560 --> 01:31:14.120
I also from time to time write poetry.

2068
01:31:14.120 --> 01:31:19.240
In addition, I enjoy taking walks, getting some walks in.

2069
01:31:19.240 --> 01:31:24.560
Well, Marsha, what do you want to ask me?

2070
01:31:24.560 --> 01:31:25.560
Okay.

2071
01:31:25.560 --> 01:31:26.560
Okay.

2072
01:31:26.560 --> 01:31:32.280
What, how important is your faith to you?

2073
01:31:32.280 --> 01:31:35.120
For me, my, my faith is pretty important to me.

2074
01:31:35.120 --> 01:31:39.480
Um, I wouldn't necessarily call myself like a religious person, kind of like a Pharisee,

2075
01:31:39.480 --> 01:31:43.440
but I definitely feel like I have a relationship with the Lord and I kind of consult with him

2076
01:31:43.440 --> 01:31:46.800
and just about every little and big decision that I make.

2077
01:31:46.800 --> 01:31:49.040
How about you?

2078
01:31:49.040 --> 01:31:51.320
My faith is extremely important.

2079
01:31:51.320 --> 01:31:52.320
Jesus Christ.

2080
01:31:52.320 --> 01:31:54.080
I love Jesus Christ.

2081
01:31:54.080 --> 01:31:58.320
I mean, I could be better about making time to spend time.

2082
01:31:58.320 --> 01:32:02.240
I pray, I pray to God every day.

2083
01:32:02.240 --> 01:32:07.560
I wish I could be better with time management, I'll be honest, because I don't always read

2084
01:32:07.560 --> 01:32:11.440
the word like I should, like, like I would like to.

2085
01:32:11.440 --> 01:32:12.440
Okay.

2086
01:32:12.440 --> 01:32:13.440
Well, you know what?

2087
01:32:13.440 --> 01:32:15.400
I appreciate you being honest with me.

2088
01:32:15.400 --> 01:32:16.840
Thank you so much.

2089
01:32:16.840 --> 01:32:18.960
See that Marsha, that was two minutes.

2090
01:32:18.960 --> 01:32:19.960
You did great girl.

2091
01:32:19.960 --> 01:32:20.960
Okay.

2092
01:32:20.960 --> 01:32:21.960
I'm going to give you two things.

2093
01:32:21.960 --> 01:32:22.960
Okay.

2094
01:32:23.320 --> 01:32:29.520
Um, and I said this to a few other people may, well, a, I know this was kind of practice,

2095
01:32:29.520 --> 01:32:35.280
but make sure when you're on a call, um, that it's much easier to see you, especially if

2096
01:32:35.280 --> 01:32:41.720
you're on your phone, you're doing this, let me try to show what it looks like.

2097
01:32:41.720 --> 01:32:43.520
This is what it's looking like.

2098
01:32:43.520 --> 01:32:47.040
This, do you see how like awkward that is?

2099
01:32:47.040 --> 01:32:52.040
So you want to make sure if you're going to be on your phone, bring your phone up, bring

2100
01:32:52.120 --> 01:32:53.120
it up.

2101
01:32:53.120 --> 01:32:54.120
Okay.

2102
01:32:54.120 --> 01:32:55.800
Maybe I should use my computer.

2103
01:32:55.800 --> 01:32:58.480
Well, I'm helping you right now on your phone.

2104
01:32:58.480 --> 01:33:01.840
So bring it up and center up, bring it up.

2105
01:33:01.840 --> 01:33:02.840
Okay.

2106
01:33:02.840 --> 01:33:06.920
I want you to try turning around now so that that light is in front of you, not behind

2107
01:33:06.920 --> 01:33:07.920
you.

2108
01:33:07.920 --> 01:33:14.680
So flip around, flip around, take you in the, take you and your phone and turn around so

2109
01:33:14.680 --> 01:33:24.400
that lights facing you like literally turn your whole body like this.

2110
01:33:24.400 --> 01:33:25.400
Okay.

2111
01:33:25.400 --> 01:33:26.400
Like there you go.

2112
01:33:26.400 --> 01:33:30.200
You see how much, Oh, see, now we can see you girl.

2113
01:33:30.200 --> 01:33:31.200
You see?

2114
01:33:31.200 --> 01:33:32.200
Okay.

2115
01:33:32.200 --> 01:33:35.000
And you still want to bring, see how like, and you want to bring it up a little bit higher

2116
01:33:35.000 --> 01:33:38.160
cause you don't want people to see up your chin.

2117
01:33:38.160 --> 01:33:40.040
Look at, look at, I even look tall.

2118
01:33:40.040 --> 01:33:43.120
You guys look at, I even looked all right now.

2119
01:33:43.120 --> 01:33:44.380
Okay.

2120
01:33:44.380 --> 01:33:45.380
So that's what you want to do.

2121
01:33:45.380 --> 01:33:50.260
I mean, I know it sounds crazy you guys, but lighting is everything like you want to make

2122
01:33:50.260 --> 01:33:51.740
sure that the people can see you.

2123
01:33:51.740 --> 01:33:52.740
Great job.

2124
01:33:52.740 --> 01:33:53.740
All right.

2125
01:33:53.740 --> 01:33:55.040
You guys, you are brave.

2126
01:33:55.040 --> 01:33:57.780
I'm so proud of all of you.

2127
01:33:57.780 --> 01:34:00.260
So, so proud of all of you.

2128
01:34:00.260 --> 01:34:01.260
Everybody give everybody a hand.

2129
01:34:01.260 --> 01:34:02.260
Great job.

2130
01:34:02.260 --> 01:34:03.260
Okay.

2131
01:34:03.260 --> 01:34:07.140
It's 33 after the hour.

2132
01:34:07.140 --> 01:34:09.100
Is there any final questions?

2133
01:34:09.100 --> 01:34:12.660
Somebody's like, all right, Renee, like I just have to ask this one question before

2134
01:34:12.660 --> 01:34:13.660
we get off the phone.

2135
01:34:13.660 --> 01:34:14.660
All right.

2136
01:34:14.660 --> 01:34:15.660
Yeah.

2137
01:34:15.660 --> 01:34:16.660
Hi Renee.

2138
01:34:16.660 --> 01:34:17.660
I have a question.

2139
01:34:17.660 --> 01:34:18.660
This is Larissa.

2140
01:34:18.660 --> 01:34:19.660
Hey.

2141
01:34:19.660 --> 01:34:20.660
Hi.

2142
01:34:20.660 --> 01:34:21.660
Yeah.

2143
01:34:21.660 --> 01:34:22.660
Sorry.

2144
01:34:22.660 --> 01:34:26.460
There might be some noise cause I'm driving right now to work, but, um, I've been on a

2145
01:34:26.460 --> 01:34:27.460
couple of dates.

2146
01:34:27.460 --> 01:34:36.020
I've been on a couple of dates and, uh, the guys asked me when last, uh, I was in a relationship,

2147
01:34:36.020 --> 01:34:37.020
right?

2148
01:34:37.020 --> 01:34:40.180
But I've been in a relationship since eight years ago.

2149
01:34:40.180 --> 01:34:41.180
Okay.

2150
01:34:41.180 --> 01:34:42.180
So here's your answer.

2151
01:34:42.700 --> 01:34:43.700
I'm glad you're asking that question.

2152
01:34:43.700 --> 01:34:45.740
Somebody asks, how long has it been?

2153
01:34:45.740 --> 01:34:48.620
You don't want to say it's been eight years, 12 years.

2154
01:34:48.620 --> 01:34:50.580
Here's your only answer in the beginning.

2155
01:34:50.580 --> 01:34:51.580
Okay.

2156
01:34:51.580 --> 01:34:54.100
It's been a little bit.

2157
01:34:54.100 --> 01:34:55.100
It's been a little bit.

2158
01:34:55.100 --> 01:34:56.140
Oh, how long?

2159
01:34:56.140 --> 01:34:59.620
It's been a little bit, a little bit.

2160
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.280
but I'm actively dating right now.

2161
01:35:02.280 --> 01:35:04.400
It's been a little bit,

2162
01:35:04.400 --> 01:35:07.320
but I'm actively dating right now.

2163
01:35:07.320 --> 01:35:11.120
When was your most serious relationship?

2164
01:35:11.120 --> 01:35:15.420
It's been a bit and I'm back out there dating now.

2165
01:35:15.420 --> 01:35:18.080
Do you see how, even if they don't like my answer,

2166
01:35:18.080 --> 01:35:19.920
I'm coming back with the same answer.

2167
01:35:19.920 --> 01:35:23.040
I'm not telling a complete stranger

2168
01:35:23.040 --> 01:35:24.960
because that's all they are right now.

2169
01:35:24.960 --> 01:35:27.080
I'm not telling, I'm not telling,

2170
01:35:27.080 --> 01:35:30.360
I keep going back to you guys in those first few dates,

2171
01:35:30.360 --> 01:35:32.000
when you're talking to strangers,

2172
01:35:32.000 --> 01:35:34.620
they do not, you do not owe them the details.

2173
01:35:34.620 --> 01:35:37.640
Would you go up to somebody in Kroger and go,

2174
01:35:37.640 --> 01:35:39.000
oh my gosh, you look really cute.

2175
01:35:39.000 --> 01:35:41.420
When is the last time you dated somebody?

2176
01:35:41.420 --> 01:35:42.960
You would not do that.

2177
01:35:42.960 --> 01:35:43.800
You would not.

2178
01:35:43.800 --> 01:35:45.640
So we would not, we don't need to do this

2179
01:35:45.640 --> 01:35:47.960
with some stranger in a nap.

2180
01:35:47.960 --> 01:35:48.960
No.

2181
01:35:48.960 --> 01:35:50.960
Yeah, that's a good answer though.

2182
01:35:50.960 --> 01:35:52.600
Cause when I tell them eight years,

2183
01:35:52.600 --> 01:35:53.600
they're like eight years?

2184
01:35:53.600 --> 01:35:55.680
So you haven't been in a relationship for eight years?

2185
01:35:55.800 --> 01:35:57.400
That's what I'm saying.

2186
01:35:57.400 --> 01:35:58.240
Yeah.

2187
01:35:58.240 --> 01:35:59.400
So yeah.

2188
01:35:59.400 --> 01:36:00.720
Yeah.

2189
01:36:00.720 --> 01:36:02.520
The famous one I used to get was,

2190
01:36:02.520 --> 01:36:04.800
what's the longest relationship you've ever had?

2191
01:36:04.800 --> 01:36:07.080
Which you guys answer is a terrible answer.

2192
01:36:07.080 --> 01:36:07.920
Okay.

2193
01:36:07.920 --> 01:36:09.000
It's a pretty bad answer.

2194
01:36:09.000 --> 01:36:10.300
I'm a cut and run girl.

2195
01:36:10.300 --> 01:36:11.260
I'm the runaway bride.

2196
01:36:11.260 --> 01:36:14.880
So I, my longevity in dating was not so good.

2197
01:36:14.880 --> 01:36:18.200
So when I used to get that question, like, you know what?

2198
01:36:18.200 --> 01:36:22.360
I will say this, I dated intentionally and purposefully,

2199
01:36:22.360 --> 01:36:24.680
but if I did not feel like we were headed

2200
01:36:24.680 --> 01:36:26.640
in a serious relationship,

2201
01:36:26.640 --> 01:36:28.200
I was definitely not the kind of person

2202
01:36:28.200 --> 01:36:30.280
that would drag it out for years.

2203
01:36:30.280 --> 01:36:31.120
Yeah.

2204
01:36:31.120 --> 01:36:32.240
That was my answer.

2205
01:36:32.240 --> 01:36:33.760
Oh, can you elaborate more?

2206
01:36:33.760 --> 01:36:34.680
Not right now.

2207
01:36:35.880 --> 01:36:37.280
Good answer.

2208
01:36:37.280 --> 01:36:40.120
The more confident you sound in your answer

2209
01:36:40.120 --> 01:36:42.760
and the less, you don't want to sound evasive.

2210
01:36:42.760 --> 01:36:45.320
Like there's a difference between evasive

2211
01:36:45.320 --> 01:36:46.960
and confident in your answer.

2212
01:36:46.960 --> 01:36:48.560
You don't want to sound like you're hiding

2213
01:36:48.560 --> 01:36:50.400
some big dark secret.

2214
01:36:50.400 --> 01:36:52.440
Cause then they're going to be like danger.

2215
01:36:52.440 --> 01:36:54.280
All right, you guys, so much fun.

2216
01:36:54.880 --> 01:36:55.720
Thank you so much.

2217
01:36:55.720 --> 01:36:57.040
I will see you in two weeks

2218
01:36:57.040 --> 01:37:00.000
and we're going to do some more role-playing.

2219
01:37:00.000 --> 01:37:02.080
I might change it up a little bit.

2220
01:37:02.080 --> 01:37:05.480
So, and if you want, if you're brave,

2221
01:37:05.480 --> 01:37:09.100
come dressed in a first date outfit and I will critique it.

2222
01:37:10.520 --> 01:37:11.360
All right.

2223
01:37:11.360 --> 01:37:12.180
How's that sound?

2224
01:37:12.180 --> 01:37:13.020
All right.

2225
01:37:13.020 --> 01:37:14.440
See you all in two weeks.