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All right, ladies, welcome to Ladies Only.

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For those of you that are joining us for the first time in phase three,

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we do this once a month.

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This is a place where we can talk about all kinds of stuff

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that we wouldn't normally talk about necessarily in a co-ed setting.

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But today's a little different because I have a special surprise for you.

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As you can see, there is a man here.

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The one and only David Dorman is here tonight.

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And so what we're going to do for Ladies Only Night tonight

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is David and I are going to switch.

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He's going to be here so you can do what I call ask a dude, ask a man.

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Anything that you might want to ask him about men,

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about marriage-minded men, about anything in general,

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except for like, you know, me.

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You can ask him, no, I'm just kidding.

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You could ask him about me too.

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But we're going to do that tonight.

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So David is here to, you know, answer all your questions.

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No holds barred.

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Anything, you know, he might not have the answer,

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but he does coach men and he has done, you know,

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almost 30 years of ministry.

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So he has a lot to say about men, about where men are.

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So this is going to be a Q and A tonight,

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a grab bag, if you will, of ask a guy.

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So David is here to do that.

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And I'm going to head over to the guys and let them ask me stuff.

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So let me make sure, David.

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I reclaim the host. Can you hear me?

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Yep. Awesome.

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All right.

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All right, guys.

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See you soon.

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Hello, ladies.

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How are you?

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How are you?

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Good, good, good.

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I'm trying to just get my bearings here.

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Maybe get my chat up.

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What is going on?

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A couple of you are unmuted.

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So just make sure you're muted there unless, well, I mean,

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those of you that are going to start lining up

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to ask questions, you can unmute when you do that.

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So just make sure that you got that

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have a good,

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clean

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recording tonight.

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Let me go ahead and hit record on this.

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Pause recording, stop recording.

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So it's already being recorded.

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Nice.

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Somebody is on the job.

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All right.

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So here we are tonight, ladies.

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This is, as Jackie said, going to be a Q and A tonight.

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So get your hands up ready.

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We'll take hands.

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We'll just kind of go through, take hands.

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Questions.

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Make sure that you have a question.

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That would be helpful at first to actually have a question

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rather than just, hey, I've got something to share,

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which, you know, we take shares on Friday, Faith Friday.

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I do that.

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Some of you that are regularly on Faith Friday,

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you kind of used to me doing that.

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And so, but tonight is about questions

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and Jackie put it like, ask a dude.

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Okay.

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So ask a dude.

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I guess I'm a dude tonight.

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I don't really refer myself too much as a dude,

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but I will for tonight if that's what it takes.

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So I'm willing to go there.

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So I've got three hands up.

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And if you're afraid for whatever reason,

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intimidated and you don't like to ask questions

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in front of the group, it'd be helpful if you did,

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but if you have to put it in the chat, that's fine.

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Let me just look to see the chat here.

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Yeah.

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So you guys are going to be hard.

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You guys are going to be hard.

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I can tell already.

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You guys are going to come up with really hard questions.

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It's not going to be who's got a softball question first.

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I didn't let, let me just warm myself up.

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All right, Diane, I'm going to trust you

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that you have a softball question.

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Go ahead, Diane, unmute yourself,

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get your question out there.

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Okay, so just recently got on the dating apps.

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I'm wondering how much of my faith

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and what I am looking for in a spirit mate

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should I put out there?

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Yeah, I mean, that's a good question.

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Again, I'm going to tell you,

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I reserve the right to say, I don't know,

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but I will also tell you what I think,

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and then that's just what I think.

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It's not necessarily the right answer.

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I'm just telling you, this is just what I think.

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I think it's an important variable,

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an important value to lead with it.

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I'll just put it this way.

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Not whether it's right or wrong,

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I'll just put it this way.

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It is definitely a differentiator.

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So it's definitely like, if you lead with that,

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men know exactly.

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where you stand. So if that's what you want to put out there and just cut to

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the chase for that reason, that's not a bad reason.

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However, that's also not everything who you are. I mean, yes, you are a daughter

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of God, you're a child of God, and that is first and foremost in your life, but that

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also doesn't give you an opportunity to make sure that, you know, someone is able

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to connect with you. Because maybe guys, you know, I was in the church

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world. We were definitely in the religion environment very strongly when Jackie

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and I met. And it wasn't that I wasn't looking for a godly woman. Matter of fact,

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my prayer in the moment when I just had moved into that place where I

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moved in as a single dad, and I moved out of this house that I thought I was

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gonna live in the rest of my life, and I moved into this place that happened to

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be next door to Jackie, who I didn't know at the moment, and I didn't

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know when I moved in. I had just been saying to myself, and it really wasn't a

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prayer. It was a prayer, technically, but I wasn't trying to pray. I wasn't, like,

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trying to seek God. I wasn't trying to, like, oh Lord, if you be thy will. I wasn't

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doing any of that. It was just more of a, you know, Lord, I don't want to be single

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the rest of my life, but at the same time, whoever I meet, it can't just be anyone.

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It has to, I know, I mean, I've got kids. At the time, I was still working in

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ministry. I have a ministry career. It's kind of the only career that I knew

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of at the time, that I saw myself in. I was like, I have a lot at stake here. I

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can't just meet anybody, and so I kind of just left it at that. I didn't try to

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say, you know, I want to meet a woman, and she's got to be like this, and I'm

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looking for this, and I didn't put a list of things out there for the

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Lord or for myself or anything. I just trusted that God would bring the right

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person, and that I had community and people around me that would be able to

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help me navigate through, and I did have a wingman at the time, Wilson, if you've

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ever heard that story. He was a pretty good dude in my life at the moment, still

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a good friend of mine. We just saw him a couple months ago, and you know, he was

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just kind of, he was that dude that was there for me, that kind of gave me a

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little bit of swagger, a little bit of game to my, like, never having been in the

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dating pool ever, because I, like, came out of the womb, married, basically, and I

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married the girl I met in junior high school, I mean, for crying out loud, and I

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broke up with her when I went off to college, and she still had her senior

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senior year left. I broke up with her. Why? Because I'm a stupid kid. I don't

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know what I'm doing. I'm like, hey, I'm gonna go to college, and you never know

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who I'll meet. I'm just gonna break up with you. Hey, see you later, and that was

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like, I broke her heart, the whole thing. It was terrible. It was the worst thing I

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could have done, and anyway, that's what happened. So I say all that to say that,

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you know, I wasn't necessarily looking for, like, oh, and, like, super, like, she's

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gotta be a Christian. Like, I wasn't focused on that. I wasn't so intent on

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that. I just wanted to meet somebody, but I, to put it like that, I just put it

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before the Lord. I said, you know, Lord, but it's, it's gotta be, you know, it's

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gotta be the right person. I mean, I got kids, and she's gotta love kids, and

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she's gotta want to, like, integrate, and it wasn't detailed at all, and that was

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it, and then, um, when I met Jackie, and, like, the yelling, and the yard, and the

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whole thing, and then she came over later, like, my perspective on that was, first of

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all, and I think you kind of know this, I had no idea, first of all, I was getting

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yelled at. I had completely zero idea that I was getting yelled at, if you know

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this story, and the thing about it was, is, um, you know, so I was clueless, and I,

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this kind of, like, my general thing is, like, men, good men especially, they're

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generally clueless, and I don't say that disparagingly. I just say that, like, hey,

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bro, I mean, like, seriously, give us, give us some insight here. Give us, give us

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some indication. Usually, a good man, I think, for the most part, if they're, if

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they're given a little bit of clue, like, you know, like, hey, I kind of like you,

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you know, like, from the, from the woman's perspective, I kind of like you, kind of,

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like, I would give you a chance. Like, that's huge for a guy, especially if the

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reciprocation is true. If, like, he sees you as, like, wow, like, so when Jackie

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came to apologize to me at my doorstep, like, the next day or

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whatever it was, finally when that happened,

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all I could think about was,

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who is this beautiful woman standing in front of me,

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even just talking to me, like giving me the time of day.

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Like I was just, I could not,

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I didn't know what she was saying,

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I didn't know she was apologizing,

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I didn't know what was this for.

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All I knew is that there's just,

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there's a beautiful woman that lived next door

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and she was coming over to talk to me.

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And I'm like, wow, that's all I knew.

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So good men are kind of like that, I think,

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to a degree.

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Now, if a guy's like a good guy and he's got some game,

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maybe there's a little bit more to it,

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but I mean, men are pretty simple.

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So you have to decide,

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is that gotta be the hard differentiator coming out?

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Like, look, I just want you to know,

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I'm a Jesus girl, I'm a Christian,

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so don't even talk to me.

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I mean, like, I don't know,

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you may be missing out on somebody

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that wants to go a little bit like,

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I don't wanna approach it from that angle,

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but at the same time,

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maybe that's what you wanna do.

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You're like, look, I don't got time to waste.

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I'm not doing any, no, I'm just gonna put it out there.

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I don't know if that helps you or not,

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but that's just what that does.

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It's just so you know.

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In this day and age, that's like, look,

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that's a clear like, hey,

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it could be kind of a stiff arm,

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just so you know.

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All right, who's next?

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Susan?

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Hello, Dave.

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Hey, lady, go easy on me, go easy on me.

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Yeah, I love what you said.

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Okay, so that kind of segues into what I was gonna be,

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what I wanted to ask,

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because generally, I hear this,

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I've experienced this a lot.

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I'm not very approachable.

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However, okay, so I went to this singles meet and greet,

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and it was designed for singles,

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so you were there for,

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everybody was there for the same reason,

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to meet and greet.

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And so being my outgoing gregarious self,

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I just definitely went up and I introduced myself

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to just about every man that was there,

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engaging in conversation.

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Also, I'm very sensitive to feedback,

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and I do know that men are not interested,

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if they're not interested in you,

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they are not interested in you.

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I mean, and so my question is,

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when you're out in the wild,

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and you wanna talk to a, meet a man,

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which doesn't happen for me really ever,

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anyway, but I'm just gonna ask,

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just in the anticipation that sometime in my life,

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I will approach a man willy nilly,

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is it best to be just direct?

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Or is it too forward?

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Because men, if they're interested,

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they'll approach you.

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Is that true?

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00:13:02.880 --> 00:13:04.240
Or do they need help?

243
00:13:05.520 --> 00:13:07.280
Well, I think the biggest thing,

244
00:13:07.280 --> 00:13:11.280
and this is, we've been putting the final touches

245
00:13:11.280 --> 00:13:13.400
on the Modern Dating Sucks book.

246
00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:15.480
And the Modern Dating Sucks book,

247
00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:18.360
if you all have read Jackie's books,

248
00:13:18.360 --> 00:13:19.840
and liked them before,

249
00:13:21.040 --> 00:13:22.600
you're gonna like this one for sure.

250
00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:24.400
And it gives, but it gives a lot of practice.

251
00:13:24.400 --> 00:13:27.040
This book is full of just practical stuff.

252
00:13:27.040 --> 00:13:28.440
And it's not just like,

253
00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:31.960
it's just not, it's not like anecdotal advice,

254
00:13:31.960 --> 00:13:33.640
like in this situation, do this,

255
00:13:33.640 --> 00:13:35.040
in that situation, do this.

256
00:13:35.040 --> 00:13:37.400
It's sort of pillars and principles

257
00:13:37.400 --> 00:13:40.000
that give you sort of this navigation

258
00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:42.960
to be able to sort of like navigate all situations.

259
00:13:43.520 --> 00:13:44.360
And I think one of the biggest things

260
00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:49.120
in that scenario is like the marriage mindedness.

261
00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:50.960
That's one of the, it's one of the things

262
00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:55.480
that is required for the relationship to go.

263
00:13:55.480 --> 00:13:57.760
Because if you're marriage minded,

264
00:13:57.760 --> 00:14:00.280
and the guy is marriage minded,

265
00:14:00.280 --> 00:14:02.840
then the direct is probably pretty good.

266
00:14:02.840 --> 00:14:04.520
Because it's kind of like, hey, I'm into you,

267
00:14:04.520 --> 00:14:07.000
you're into me, let's talk.

268
00:14:07.000 --> 00:14:08.320
And this is like, let's go.

269
00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:11.320
You know, let's, there's no point in wasting time.

270
00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:13.920
I know what I want, you know what you want.

271
00:14:13.920 --> 00:14:18.400
It's when the other person or you or both

272
00:14:18.400 --> 00:14:21.240
don't know what you want.

273
00:14:21.240 --> 00:14:23.360
That I think that's probably what it comes down to.

274
00:14:23.360 --> 00:14:26.560
So like you, and you obviously you don't know that

275
00:14:26.560 --> 00:14:28.160
when you don't know this person.

276
00:14:28.160 --> 00:14:31.440
So you have to give it a second to get to know,

277
00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:35.560
hey, is this person within the first couple conversations,

278
00:14:36.560 --> 00:14:39.680
you should be kind of able to determine,

279
00:14:39.720 --> 00:14:42.720
discern whether this person's marriage minded.

280
00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:44.080
And there's some clues in that.

281
00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:46.960
And I'm not gonna go into like, what the book talks about.

282
00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:50.000
But you know, there's some clues about that,

283
00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:53.520
that you can pick up about whether

284
00:14:53.520 --> 00:14:55.600
they're marriage minded or not.

285
00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:58.080
And that's probably one of the best indicators.

286
00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:00.440
Now, they could be marriage minded.

287
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.540
Minded and then be off on all the other things that kind of

288
00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:09.620
Compatibility and different things that like this is not a match even though your marriage minded

289
00:15:09.620 --> 00:15:14.260
That's great. But this is not a match. And again, it's one of those things. You don't know until you get into

290
00:15:16.260 --> 00:15:22.480
Know this person so you do have to give it a minute to know this person, but um, I don't think direct is wrong

291
00:15:23.160 --> 00:15:25.040
especially if it's like

292
00:15:25.040 --> 00:15:29.780
You know, you happen to be meeting somebody who is like ready to have that conversation

293
00:15:30.440 --> 00:15:31.800
but

294
00:15:31.800 --> 00:15:33.560
What would be the best?

295
00:15:33.560 --> 00:15:38.280
Well, I think or a guy I think if you don't know, I think like if you're interested

296
00:15:38.800 --> 00:15:42.600
The the being flirty is is very helpful guys

297
00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:46.800
like I don't I mean if somebody's flirting and

298
00:15:47.720 --> 00:15:53.880
There's obviously different ways to flirt. There's different like there's there's too much and there's like

299
00:15:55.280 --> 00:15:59.640
Sometimes just enough is is okay. So what's good? What's good flirting?

300
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:05.440
From a man's perspective. Well, I don't think I don't think men like it when women come on too hard

301
00:16:05.640 --> 00:16:10.640
Yes, I don't think that's I don't think I don't think a man is like unless he's just

302
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:18.800
You know looking for something that's not good and not right other than that, which is what not what we're talking about

303
00:16:19.800 --> 00:16:26.280
I don't think men generally like a woman to come on too hard, but definitely

304
00:16:27.240 --> 00:16:32.080
You know like one obvious like flirt it's like oh

305
00:16:32.680 --> 00:16:37.040
Like oh this this woman's kind of interested in me like again

306
00:16:37.040 --> 00:16:42.440
I'll go back to the doorstep like Jackie was talking to me at the time. I couldn't get past

307
00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:47.240
There's a beautiful woman standing here like actually discuss talking with me

308
00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:52.640
Like that was just like wait, like I'm I'm 15 years old at this point

309
00:16:52.640 --> 00:16:58.160
Like I'm not but I was 32 or whatever it was but I went back to being 14 or 15 or whatever like oh my god

310
00:16:58.160 --> 00:17:03.120
There's a beautiful woman talking to me. I can't believe like I just didn't I couldn't get past that so I couldn't see

311
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.319
That

312
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:10.720
Even her standing there was a little bit of her finding out like who's this guy?

313
00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:13.640
Like maybe I I'm interested in I'm gonna talk to him, whatever

314
00:17:14.760 --> 00:17:17.400
She wasn't I mean she was there to apologize

315
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:21.760
But she wasn't there just to apologize. You know what I mean? Yeah

316
00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:29.680
So there was a little bit of that but it took me a minute a couple conversations a friend a couple of friendly neighborhood

317
00:17:30.800 --> 00:17:32.800
conversations to figure out oh

318
00:17:33.040 --> 00:17:35.200
this woman actually might be kind of

319
00:17:36.040 --> 00:17:42.560
interested or kind of at least giving me an opportunity to get to know her like this is not usual and

320
00:17:43.760 --> 00:17:47.000
Usually it's kind of like one of those things. It's like usually pretty girls

321
00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:51.680
Don't talk to like like you'll give you the time of day, you know and

322
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:55.480
You know, so it's just like what's up with that?

323
00:17:56.280 --> 00:18:01.240
so if you're like in your flow and you want to you know

324
00:18:01.840 --> 00:18:08.600
Drop the hanky a little bit flirt whatever but not too much. I think this is pretty good indication, but he may not get it at

325
00:18:08.600 --> 00:18:10.600
first

326
00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.000
Put it that way

327
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:16.320
That's just so funny to me not too vague of an answer

328
00:18:17.840 --> 00:18:22.400
But you know what I'm saying, right? Yeah, okay. Yeah

329
00:18:24.600 --> 00:18:26.920
All right, Jane hi Jane I

330
00:18:28.280 --> 00:18:32.280
Is actually Janie two-syllable, okay. I'm sorry. That's okay

331
00:18:33.000 --> 00:18:37.400
That's okay. So my topic is a little bit sensitive to me at least

332
00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:42.680
so I haven't seen it addressed anywhere in this group or

333
00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:49.640
Many other groups that I'm in so it's in regards to interracial dating and dating outside your culture

334
00:18:50.040 --> 00:18:52.320
Yeah, so my question is

335
00:18:53.760 --> 00:18:57.840
How do you ask a person without being too sensitive?

336
00:18:57.840 --> 00:19:03.520
Well, how do you put it in maybe the profile because I'm doing it. I'm doing online dating, right?

337
00:19:03.520 --> 00:19:09.720
And so I've had african-american men. Tell me they only date Caucasians or the opposite

338
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:15.360
If I see a nice-looking Caucasian man, he's like I don't date african-american women, right?

339
00:19:15.720 --> 00:19:21.520
So I found myself now. I'm living in Arizona and and I'm quite naturally

340
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:24.480
Almost always the only african-american in the room

341
00:19:25.720 --> 00:19:30.560
Events I go to and I'm like, this is gonna be understand. Yeah, this is gonna be interesting. So

342
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:35.480
And it's uncomfortable for me to be quite honest with you. And so

343
00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:41.000
How do you address that or do you guys talk about that in your book or in the

344
00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:43.720
Events that you have with your guys. I

345
00:19:44.320 --> 00:19:47.840
Mean it that particular issue as far as

346
00:19:49.080 --> 00:19:52.080
Race does not come up a lot

347
00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:59.600
But we do address it and we do talk about it. And I think my opinion is this like

348
00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:01.600
This

349
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.000
Like, for instance, it's kind of,

350
00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:05.360
we kind of do joke about this,

351
00:20:05.360 --> 00:20:10.360
because in the church that I was in at the moment

352
00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:16.720
when I met Jackie, it was a very, very blended church,

353
00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:19.960
like very well blended.

354
00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:24.960
I mean, the style of kind of like ministry and worship

355
00:20:25.320 --> 00:20:28.240
and all of that was very demonstrative,

356
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:33.240
very culturally, we were friends with a lot of,

357
00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:35.960
like all black churches,

358
00:20:35.960 --> 00:20:38.360
but our church wasn't necessarily an all black church,

359
00:20:38.360 --> 00:20:40.760
but it just stylistically we attracted.

360
00:20:40.760 --> 00:20:43.840
And so I don't know, it was probably 50-50.

361
00:20:43.840 --> 00:20:45.800
I really don't know.

362
00:20:45.800 --> 00:20:48.120
And I was for sure, it's kind of funny

363
00:20:48.120 --> 00:20:50.960
because I tell Jackie, I said there's,

364
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:54.560
I said, you know, I don't know what would have happened

365
00:20:54.560 --> 00:20:57.200
had I not met you.

366
00:20:57.200 --> 00:20:59.080
I said, I'm pretty sure I probably would have been married

367
00:20:59.080 --> 00:21:01.640
to a black woman, you know, like, had you not come along,

368
00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:03.600
you know, because it was just one of those things,

369
00:21:03.600 --> 00:21:05.600
like it was, it could have been an inevitability.

370
00:21:05.600 --> 00:21:07.640
It could have gone 50-50.

371
00:21:07.640 --> 00:21:11.680
And, but it wasn't about like whether this person

372
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:14.520
is of a different race.

373
00:21:14.520 --> 00:21:16.080
I think probably culturally,

374
00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:18.200
it's probably more of a differentiator

375
00:21:18.200 --> 00:21:20.200
in terms of just what's culturally,

376
00:21:22.320 --> 00:21:24.440
what the culture is like.

377
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:27.720
And, but I don't think that I personally

378
00:21:28.600 --> 00:21:31.960
could have never been attracted to somebody

379
00:21:31.960 --> 00:21:36.400
of the opposite or not opposite or of a different race

380
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:41.400
than me on just that alone.

381
00:21:41.520 --> 00:21:43.720
It probably would have been more of a cultural difference

382
00:21:43.720 --> 00:21:47.320
that it would have been like not compatibility or whatever.

383
00:21:47.320 --> 00:21:51.800
So the reason I say that is because I just don't think,

384
00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:54.880
I think it's very shallow and narrow-minded

385
00:21:54.880 --> 00:21:58.680
to basically say something like,

386
00:21:58.680 --> 00:22:02.120
I don't date people that are of this race.

387
00:22:02.120 --> 00:22:05.040
That's just kind of strange to me.

388
00:22:05.040 --> 00:22:07.800
And it borders on like,

389
00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:11.040
I don't think the right thought process.

390
00:22:11.040 --> 00:22:13.320
Now you might wanna say like,

391
00:22:13.320 --> 00:22:16.880
there's a certain mindset or culture

392
00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:20.280
or like certain type of person that I don't,

393
00:22:20.320 --> 00:22:21.680
that's not appealing to me

394
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:26.480
and that may draw along those lines.

395
00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:29.400
And I guess that's your preference.

396
00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:32.840
But at the same time to say that I don't date people

397
00:22:32.840 --> 00:22:36.640
from a particular race,

398
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:38.920
I just think that's kind of limiting.

399
00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:42.680
I think it's narrow.

400
00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:47.120
I don't think, I mean, I guess if I were to journey

401
00:22:47.120 --> 00:22:48.840
with that person, I would sort of understand

402
00:22:48.840 --> 00:22:50.160
where they're coming from a little more.

403
00:22:51.040 --> 00:22:51.880
I guess that's valid,

404
00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:54.760
but still it just seems like such a write-off

405
00:22:54.760 --> 00:22:57.720
that's like, I don't understand why you would do that.

406
00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:01.160
I don't know if that helps your question or not.

407
00:23:02.360 --> 00:23:03.200
Yeah.

408
00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:07.960
Because I think that things that establish

409
00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:10.120
and really are meaningful in a relationship

410
00:23:10.120 --> 00:23:12.840
that's gonna succeed in marriage

411
00:23:12.840 --> 00:23:17.840
have way much more to do with your personality,

412
00:23:18.840 --> 00:23:23.200
where you are in your marriage-minded readiness,

413
00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:25.760
where you are, like where you're headed in life.

414
00:23:25.760 --> 00:23:27.680
Like all the things that we talk,

415
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:30.120
we talk about those kind of core value things

416
00:23:30.120 --> 00:23:34.600
in this group versus do you culturally align?

417
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:39.800
And of course, I know people who are married

418
00:23:39.800 --> 00:23:42.720
that are considered interracial marriages

419
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:46.160
that it was a wake-up call to them,

420
00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:47.360
but they're loving it.

421
00:23:48.360 --> 00:23:50.480
Because it is different culturally.

422
00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:55.480
And it can be very entertaining in that way

423
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:58.360
to watch a couple like just grow

424
00:23:58.360 --> 00:24:01.960
because they're so culturally different

425
00:24:01.960 --> 00:24:05.840
and yet they're coming out so different in the end

426
00:24:05.840 --> 00:24:07.560
and it's a beautiful relationship.

427
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:10.040
It works.

428
00:24:10.040 --> 00:24:12.800
I have also seen where those cultures collide

429
00:24:12.800 --> 00:24:15.760
and it creates a problem because sometimes

430
00:24:15.760 --> 00:24:17.880
it doesn't create a problem for the couple,

431
00:24:17.880 --> 00:24:19.920
but sometimes it creates a problem for the families

432
00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:23.120
and the friends around them, which is sad.

433
00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:26.040
I think that's poor.

434
00:24:26.040 --> 00:24:28.240
It's like, why wouldn't you embrace somebody

435
00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:31.920
that is a good person, that loves the person that you love,

436
00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:34.680
that's your friend or that's your family member

437
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:36.320
and you wouldn't support that relationship

438
00:24:36.320 --> 00:24:39.240
just because they're not of the same race.

439
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:41.160
That just doesn't make any sense to me.

440
00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:44.080
So that's kind of like the way we put it.

441
00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:47.480
That help?

442
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:49.760
Yeah, that helps.

443
00:24:49.760 --> 00:24:50.600
That helps.

444
00:24:50.600 --> 00:24:53.280
I mean, I guess it's just me.

445
00:24:53.280 --> 00:24:55.160
You in Arizona, that's a real thing.

446
00:24:55.160 --> 00:24:56.000
I get it.

447
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:57.920
That would be challenging.

448
00:24:59.120 --> 00:24:59.960
Yeah.

449
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.120
Just demographics at that moment.

450
00:25:02.120 --> 00:25:04.240
It's not that I wouldn't date outside my race,

451
00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:05.600
it's just that I never have.

452
00:25:05.600 --> 00:25:06.640
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

453
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:09.560
It's just something at this age I thought I never

454
00:25:09.560 --> 00:25:12.640
would have to navigate, but here we are.

455
00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:14.840
Yeah, I get it.

456
00:25:14.840 --> 00:25:18.400
Don't write it off, you never know.

457
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:20.560
Yeah, well, thank you, appreciate it.

458
00:25:20.560 --> 00:25:23.480
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

459
00:25:23.480 --> 00:25:23.980
Helen.

460
00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:29.280
Hi.

461
00:25:29.360 --> 00:25:31.120
Pastor David and everybody.

462
00:25:31.120 --> 00:25:31.620
Hi.

463
00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:40.440
My question is, is early level two, OK,

464
00:25:40.440 --> 00:25:44.000
is it OK to ask a man with all three

465
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:48.600
M's how long it would take to be financially stable enough

466
00:25:48.600 --> 00:25:50.080
to support a home?

467
00:25:50.080 --> 00:25:54.880
And is early level two too early to ask that?

468
00:25:54.880 --> 00:25:56.120
At what point did you say?

469
00:25:56.120 --> 00:25:59.240
Is it OK to ask at what point?

470
00:25:59.720 --> 00:26:02.160
At an early level two, or maybe at any level,

471
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:04.400
is it OK to ask, hey, when do you

472
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:10.000
think you would be in a position to be financially

473
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:15.520
stable and independent enough to support a family?

474
00:26:15.520 --> 00:26:18.400
I think, this is my opinion, Jackie probably

475
00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:20.400
might say it differently, I'm not really sure.

476
00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:22.640
She probably would agree with me.

477
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:25.920
I think if you're going to have a direct answer to that,

478
00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:30.160
to me, a stage one or stage two, level one, level two

479
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:34.960
relationship, where you are level one being you just

480
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:37.000
know who this person is, or you know they exist,

481
00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:38.640
and you might know their name, and you

482
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:40.880
might have some context in which you know this person,

483
00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:43.440
like you work with them, you go to the gym, whatever.

484
00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:46.040
So they're in your orbit.

485
00:26:46.040 --> 00:26:50.800
Level two, meaning that you're intentionally going on a date,

486
00:26:50.800 --> 00:26:56.080
or you're intentionally trying to talk to this person,

487
00:26:56.080 --> 00:27:00.120
all the way up until the moment at which the relationship might

488
00:27:00.120 --> 00:27:02.720
become exclusive, where you say, OK, I'm exclusively

489
00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:05.160
going to date you, you date me.

490
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:06.600
That's level three.

491
00:27:06.600 --> 00:27:08.680
That's where exclusivity comes in.

492
00:27:08.680 --> 00:27:11.320
And then during exclusivity is where

493
00:27:11.320 --> 00:27:13.640
you find some of the moments where

494
00:27:13.640 --> 00:27:15.960
you're talking more seriously about,

495
00:27:15.960 --> 00:27:18.520
where is this going, all that whole journey.

496
00:27:18.520 --> 00:27:19.720
And that's a journey.

497
00:27:19.720 --> 00:27:20.560
It's not a moment.

498
00:27:20.560 --> 00:27:21.480
It's not a one thing.

499
00:27:21.480 --> 00:27:24.400
It is a part of the process.

500
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:27.200
And then, of course, level four, engagement.

501
00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:32.040
I think the conversation for real financial conversation

502
00:27:32.040 --> 00:27:36.200
comes at the end of level three into level four, for sure.

503
00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:38.000
Absolutely.

504
00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:39.880
The reason you have level three and level four

505
00:27:39.880 --> 00:27:42.200
before level five, level five being marriage,

506
00:27:42.200 --> 00:27:47.520
is there are still moments where things can be, unfortunately,

507
00:27:47.560 --> 00:27:50.880
called off for the right reasons.

508
00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:52.960
And that might be one of those right reasons,

509
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:55.480
where financially we just couldn't get there,

510
00:27:55.480 --> 00:27:58.040
because this is not going to work for whatever reason.

511
00:27:58.040 --> 00:27:59.960
I think those should be extreme situations.

512
00:27:59.960 --> 00:28:02.800
I think there should be situations where you're like,

513
00:28:02.800 --> 00:28:04.680
I'm seeing this.

514
00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:09.720
When you're in level one, level two, that's just observation.

515
00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:13.280
And to me, I don't say this because my wife

516
00:28:13.280 --> 00:28:14.440
is Jackie Dorman.

517
00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:16.520
I say this before I even met Jackie,

518
00:28:16.520 --> 00:28:18.120
even knew who Jackie was.

519
00:28:18.120 --> 00:28:20.920
It is unacceptable to go on a date.

520
00:28:20.920 --> 00:28:26.760
I would never go on a date and not pay.

521
00:28:26.760 --> 00:28:28.440
I would fight you for the paycheck.

522
00:28:28.440 --> 00:28:30.640
If you had some sort of reason, like you had to pay,

523
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:33.760
and whatever, equal, and all that, I'm like, cool, whatever.

524
00:28:33.760 --> 00:28:36.600
But you'd have to fight me for it.

525
00:28:36.600 --> 00:28:38.880
I mean, I just wouldn't, or I would pay before.

526
00:28:38.880 --> 00:28:39.640
I just wouldn't.

527
00:28:39.640 --> 00:28:41.480
I just, I don't know.

528
00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:44.080
Maybe it's the way I was raised, whatever.

529
00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:45.720
I just would never even.

530
00:28:46.400 --> 00:28:49.760
Listen, maybe this is me again.

531
00:28:49.760 --> 00:28:56.920
I do not care if it was the last $35 in my pocket.

532
00:28:56.920 --> 00:28:59.880
I'm not cheap.

533
00:28:59.880 --> 00:29:01.520
I just am not that way.

534
00:29:01.520 --> 00:29:03.720
I don't care if it was the last dime I had.

535
00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:10.040
I would spend it to be just like, I'm not going to be a bum.

536
00:29:10.040 --> 00:29:11.520
And I'm not going to look like a bum

537
00:29:11.520 --> 00:29:13.640
and not pay when I only have $5 in my pocket.

538
00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:16.160
I'll find a way to pay.

539
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:17.640
But you're not leaving.

540
00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:18.760
You know what I'm saying?

541
00:29:18.760 --> 00:29:24.400
That kind of manning up to me is, I think, valid.

542
00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:25.480
It's good.

543
00:29:25.480 --> 00:29:27.400
It's honorable.

544
00:29:27.400 --> 00:29:29.160
I don't think, you know?

545
00:29:29.160 --> 00:29:32.600
So I think in stage one, stage two,

546
00:29:32.600 --> 00:29:34.360
it's about observing the behavior.

547
00:29:34.360 --> 00:29:36.640
Like, what does he do?

548
00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:38.880
You can observe a lot of that in terms

549
00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:43.080
of his financial preparedness, paying attention.

550
00:29:43.080 --> 00:29:47.320
I noticed that when this came up,

551
00:29:47.320 --> 00:29:50.560
he bulked at it because he's like, oh, that's

552
00:29:50.560 --> 00:29:53.200
like really expensive.

553
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:56.120
And I'm not saying that that's bad.

554
00:29:56.120 --> 00:30:00.040
It just depends on what it is he's talking about.

555
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.000
Yeah.

556
00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:02.000
Yeah.

557
00:30:02.000 --> 00:30:03.000
Yeah.

558
00:30:03.000 --> 00:30:04.000
He pays for everything.

559
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:07.240
The price of a vehicle or the price of dinner, like those are two different things.

560
00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:08.240
Yeah.

561
00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:09.240
He pays for every meal.

562
00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:10.640
He says it's old-fashioned.

563
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:14.500
His income level isn't the best.

564
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:19.080
You are in a stage two?

565
00:30:19.080 --> 00:30:21.000
Early level two, I would call it.

566
00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:23.800
Early level two and you know how much he makes?

567
00:30:23.800 --> 00:30:24.800
I know the industry.

568
00:30:24.800 --> 00:30:25.800
Oh, okay.

569
00:30:26.600 --> 00:30:33.320
Enough to know that, but I know he's 53 and bought his first house at 24, so I know he

570
00:30:33.320 --> 00:30:36.640
has the ability to be independent.

571
00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:37.640
Yeah.

572
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:38.640
That's another indicator.

573
00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:43.280
It's like, look, I've known many men and people for that matter.

574
00:30:43.280 --> 00:30:45.800
I mean, just the world is full of them.

575
00:30:45.800 --> 00:30:47.160
I was one of them.

576
00:30:47.160 --> 00:30:52.280
Listen, I was driving a 94 Buick rusted out Buick Century when I met Jackie.

577
00:30:52.280 --> 00:30:54.400
I'd just gone through bankruptcy.

578
00:30:54.400 --> 00:31:02.400
A year and a half before I met her, both of my cars were repossessed in the same day.

579
00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:05.080
I just foreclosed on my house that I moved out of.

580
00:31:05.080 --> 00:31:09.040
That's why I moved into the townhouse that I moved into because I was trying to live

581
00:31:09.040 --> 00:31:12.960
in the big house that I was living in where two paychecks would pay for it.

582
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:18.080
Then when the one paycheck wasn't there, everything went to hell in a handbasket and it was just

583
00:31:18.080 --> 00:31:19.080
like done.

584
00:31:19.080 --> 00:31:22.520
I literally lived in that house for as long as I could before the sheriff was going to

585
00:31:22.520 --> 00:31:25.720
knock on the door and say, get out.

586
00:31:25.720 --> 00:31:27.860
That's why I moved.

587
00:31:27.860 --> 00:31:32.160
So I wasn't in the best financial situation at all.

588
00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:33.160
You are also 32.

589
00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:34.160
32.

590
00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:35.160
Correct.

591
00:31:35.160 --> 00:31:36.160
Correct.

592
00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:38.400
But I could have been 40 or I could have been 45.

593
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:44.280
I mean, these things happen all the time and I know it's sad because one of my first jobs

594
00:31:44.280 --> 00:31:46.280
I ever had was my first nine to five job.

595
00:31:46.280 --> 00:31:47.720
I was 20 something years old.

596
00:31:47.720 --> 00:31:52.280
I was just newly married myself and there was a guy that worked at the place that I

597
00:31:52.280 --> 00:31:57.040
worked at and this kind of was kind of a place where it was a nine to five job, but it wasn't

598
00:31:57.040 --> 00:31:59.280
like the ideal nine to five job.

599
00:31:59.280 --> 00:32:06.040
Like it was a call center and it just wasn't like, it just wasn't, it was like entry level

600
00:32:06.040 --> 00:32:10.920
made like a little bit better than entry level maybe.

601
00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:14.560
But it was nine to five during the day, full time, 40 hours a week.

602
00:32:14.560 --> 00:32:19.400
And this guy that worked there, you know, he said to me one time, he goes, yeah, cause

603
00:32:19.400 --> 00:32:22.920
I was, it wasn't like I asked him like, why do you work here?

604
00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:26.480
But it was just one of those things and you could tell he was insecure about it and he

605
00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:27.480
was in his forties.

606
00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:29.480
He goes, well, this is just what you have when you got to start over.

607
00:32:29.480 --> 00:32:32.760
You're 40 years old and you get divorced and blah, blah, blah, and all this stuff.

608
00:32:32.760 --> 00:32:35.000
And I just thought that was the saddest thing.

609
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:37.500
I was just, I felt for the guy.

610
00:32:37.500 --> 00:32:46.940
But I had no idea that I would be that guy in 12 years or 15 or whatever it was, you

611
00:32:46.940 --> 00:32:50.260
know, and I was that guy.

612
00:32:50.260 --> 00:32:54.900
But I always remembered him saying that I was like, man, I never want to be that guy.

613
00:32:54.900 --> 00:33:03.020
Ten years later, I was that guy, but I didn't stay in that mindset.

614
00:33:03.020 --> 00:33:08.260
You know, for the rest, I just, I, I, everything I could do to try to rise to the moment, rise

615
00:33:08.260 --> 00:33:15.220
to the moment continually until, you know, we are able to do better and better and better.

616
00:33:15.220 --> 00:33:18.060
And it was hard.

617
00:33:18.060 --> 00:33:27.920
So the measure of a man may not be his paycheck, but it also may be, if he lets it, could identify

618
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:28.920
him in a way.

619
00:33:28.920 --> 00:33:33.520
So if he doesn't let it, it doesn't mean that's the measure of who he is.

620
00:33:33.520 --> 00:33:38.200
Okay, Paula, go ahead.

621
00:33:38.200 --> 00:33:39.200
Thank you.

622
00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:40.200
Yeah.

623
00:33:40.200 --> 00:33:41.200
Thank you, Helen.

624
00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:42.200
Hi.

625
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:46.320
I hope there's a lot more men like you out there that I haven't found yet.

626
00:33:46.320 --> 00:33:47.320
I hope there are.

627
00:33:47.320 --> 00:33:48.320
I know there is.

628
00:33:48.320 --> 00:33:49.320
I really do.

629
00:33:49.320 --> 00:33:50.320
I know there is.

630
00:33:50.320 --> 00:33:51.320
Yeah.

631
00:33:51.320 --> 00:33:54.320
Well, my situation is probably a little different.

632
00:33:55.320 --> 00:34:01.520
I'm doing the online dating stuff, but I don't seem to get past the initial just chatting

633
00:34:01.520 --> 00:34:05.120
in the chat.

634
00:34:05.120 --> 00:34:08.480
I'm not a real good small talk person.

635
00:34:08.480 --> 00:34:16.760
I try to ask questions, but I just feel like I'm kind of like drawing from an empty well.

636
00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:17.760
You know what I'm trying to say?

637
00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:18.760
Yeah.

638
00:34:18.760 --> 00:34:19.760
I don't get a lot of feedback.

639
00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:21.840
And it's like, and then I don't know.

640
00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:23.320
And then it's like, well, I don't know what to say.

641
00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:24.320
I don't.

642
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:25.320
I swear.

643
00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:30.520
And then I kind of stumble and then I kind of like, oh, maybe.

644
00:34:30.520 --> 00:34:31.520
I don't know.

645
00:34:31.520 --> 00:34:33.719
You know, like I said, you know, I haven't done this forever.

646
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:34.719
Yes.

647
00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:35.719
Yes.

648
00:34:35.719 --> 00:34:40.639
But the men I do know, like at church or whatever, seem to find me intimidating for some reason.

649
00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:42.679
And I maybe I find you intimidating.

650
00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:43.679
Oh, okay.

651
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:44.679
Yes.

652
00:34:44.679 --> 00:34:48.000
Maybe I take that a little too personal and maybe I'm a little too afraid I'll be intimidating

653
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:49.000
towards them.

654
00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:50.000
I don't know.

655
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:51.000
Okay.

656
00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:52.199
Okay.

657
00:34:52.199 --> 00:34:56.199
Here's my, here's my feedback.

658
00:34:56.199 --> 00:34:57.200
All right.

659
00:34:57.200 --> 00:34:58.200
Feedback on that.

660
00:34:58.200 --> 00:34:59.200
That's what I'm asking.

661
00:34:59.200 --> 00:35:00.200
That's what I'm asking.

662
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.940
Is is that I you know, what quite honestly, I'll be honest with you. I can see why men could see you

663
00:35:00.200 --> 00:35:00.200


664
00:35:07.780 --> 00:35:08.820
as

665
00:35:08.820 --> 00:35:14.420
Being intimidating, but I know you I know you differently. I know you I know you're from Faith Friday

666
00:35:14.420 --> 00:35:17.100
I know you're a very deep spiritual

667
00:35:17.100 --> 00:35:22.500
Well, I know I know how you and so you there's an intensity about you, but that's good thing

668
00:35:22.660 --> 00:35:25.900
That's a powerful like like anointed

669
00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:31.720
Heavenly prayerful thing like I get that I like to think of it as a tiger by the tail, but you know, yeah

670
00:35:31.720 --> 00:35:35.600
Yeah, however, however, you want to but here's the thing

671
00:35:36.840 --> 00:35:41.200
That trait doesn't come into play in the relationship until later

672
00:35:42.080 --> 00:35:45.560
Right. So at the front end of the conversation

673
00:35:45.880 --> 00:35:49.680
It has to be a little bit more playful a little bit more

674
00:35:50.120 --> 00:35:54.240
Fun relational and so what you can do I this is no joke

675
00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:56.960
You'll just have to practice

676
00:35:59.160 --> 00:36:00.920
And here's

677
00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:03.080
This may sound funny. This may sound weird

678
00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:08.720
but I'm telling you what I am on the AI train and I am on it and like like it's

679
00:36:08.920 --> 00:36:10.920
It's crazy. It's such a great resource

680
00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:13.480
you literally could

681
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:18.320
just chat with AI as if like hey, I

682
00:36:19.120 --> 00:36:23.360
Am who I am. I am this age. This is where I live. This is kind of what I am

683
00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:27.640
Yeah, I need to have an engaging chat with a man

684
00:36:27.640 --> 00:36:32.960
Who's like this like my age and blah blah blah and all these things like the men you'd think that you would

685
00:36:33.040 --> 00:36:38.860
Like to meet or you would be meeting. Okay, let's really just have going a date with AI

686
00:36:40.200 --> 00:36:42.200
now

687
00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:46.500
Well, here's the thing it will give you that I like you say now

688
00:36:47.060 --> 00:36:48.680
Now I said that wrong

689
00:36:48.680 --> 00:36:55.380
Do you think that's engaging or whatever and it says and it will be honest with you and tell it be honest with me

690
00:36:55.520 --> 00:37:00.920
Does this sound like whatever? Does this sound like I'm intimidating to sound fun?

691
00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:03.520
Does this and it will kind of give you some ideas?

692
00:37:04.040 --> 00:37:09.320
Okay, and you can say how could I say that funnier? How could I say that better? Oh, wow

693
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:16.340
Hey, I will come up with some crazy. Whatever thing you don't got to take its word for it

694
00:37:16.620 --> 00:37:23.740
You just gotta let it inspire some creativity inspire some ideas, you know, I'm saying, yeah

695
00:37:24.180 --> 00:37:30.580
Not to me it to me a chat and chatting something in a chat is different than you and I talking

696
00:37:31.100 --> 00:37:33.100
No, no, no, of course, of course, you know

697
00:37:34.980 --> 00:37:37.580
You're saying though you can't get past the chatting stage

698
00:37:37.580 --> 00:37:42.700
Well, yeah, they don't you know, it's they don't want to it doesn't seem to engage and I never know kind of what to say

699
00:37:43.540 --> 00:37:51.200
Okay, so they're not engaging either yeah, they're not giving me a lot of feedback either so I can't even be intimidating towards him

700
00:37:51.200 --> 00:37:56.020
Come on. Well, no, but the other thing is this is that is the AI exercise?

701
00:37:56.580 --> 00:37:59.620
It makes a good idea ideas of like, you know

702
00:38:00.260 --> 00:38:05.940
Questions to ask that are interesting that you know that give you the op like hey, I got to get these guys engaged

703
00:38:06.380 --> 00:38:12.040
Give me ten questions that I can engage these guys with and don't be corny like you got to tell it

704
00:38:12.080 --> 00:38:15.240
Don't be stupid. Don't be petty. Don't be corny

705
00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:20.440
Give me some real good like think about it for a second AI do your job

706
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:23.280
You know

707
00:38:23.480 --> 00:38:27.000
That's I don't know that's it's just a suggestion you might try

708
00:38:28.800 --> 00:38:34.640
Suggestion, you know, I know AI is can be a really good tool if you you know, if you let it it can be you

709
00:38:34.640 --> 00:38:38.640
Know it's again. It's not the end-all. I wouldn't take its advice

710
00:38:39.520 --> 00:38:45.280
100% right, but I would let it like just I would let it trigger your thinking go. Oh, you know what?

711
00:38:45.280 --> 00:38:49.920
I never thought about that way. I don't like what it said, but I kind of it made me think a different way

712
00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:53.720
Okay, so that's gonna help you sort of just like open that up

713
00:38:54.600 --> 00:38:58.160
No, but I now I'm kind of worried when you even talked to like, you know

714
00:38:58.160 --> 00:39:04.000
I'm a little intimidating and like I don't try to come off that way. I don't know. Of course you don't of course you don't

715
00:39:04.680 --> 00:39:07.440
But you'll have to be aware of it to go like hey

716
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:12.760
I need to say something funny and then I'm gonna like tease this guy a little bit and then he's gonna laugh and then something's

717
00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:14.760
Gonna like we're gonna like oh, that was hilarious

718
00:39:14.760 --> 00:39:20.400
I do have the shock factor though David when I do say something to you know, tease them. They're pretty sure

719
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:26.480
Okay. Okay. I you know, I I believe that I can get by with that pretty well. I believe that

720
00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:29.760
All right. I'll go. Thank you so much

721
00:39:30.560 --> 00:39:35.600
Shot give it a shot. See what happens. All right. Thank you

722
00:39:37.120 --> 00:39:44.040
Okay, is it pretty how do I say your name you said it well, oh good pretty good

723
00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:49.580
I'm calling from Canada. Okay, so I have two quick questions for you

724
00:39:49.580 --> 00:39:55.840
Actually, one is that when I'm trying to look at profiles online I get

725
00:39:55.840 --> 00:40:00.000
Men in their 40s who say that either they

726
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.600
don't want to have kids or they say that like my kids are my whole world or my

727
00:40:06.600 --> 00:40:12.400
kids are all my priority so as someone who's never been married and doesn't

728
00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:18.560
have kids like I I get kind of lost on how to navigate that like what is that

729
00:40:18.560 --> 00:40:23.680
like like you know what's a good way to approach it and my second question is

730
00:40:23.680 --> 00:40:31.720
because online dating hasn't really been my friend so far I'm also trying to like

731
00:40:31.720 --> 00:40:38.400
meet people more organically and so like I'm I'm pretty extroverted and it's it's

732
00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:45.700
not hard for me to make friends however I'm trying to like as someone who met

733
00:40:45.700 --> 00:40:51.400
your wife as a neighbor and as a friend I just wanted to kind of just like have

734
00:40:51.400 --> 00:40:56.860
some clarity on how do you know like if if that's that's the direction you could

735
00:40:56.860 --> 00:41:03.760
move like if there if there any signals that you gave or you received if you

736
00:41:03.760 --> 00:41:09.800
could elaborate a little bit more on that like signals that I gave that I was

737
00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:15.760
interested in her or just willing to yes because when I I have asked this

738
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:20.400
question to chat GPT whether like that question or that remark was like

739
00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:25.360
friendship or does it like it does it mean more and honestly like I've got

740
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:32.640
responses both ways so it is like it has been hard for me to distinguish and I

741
00:41:32.640 --> 00:41:38.120
feel like maybe like in the past people did give me some signs and I didn't like

742
00:41:38.120 --> 00:41:41.520
I didn't read them properly so I just want to make sure that I'm a little bit

743
00:41:41.520 --> 00:41:48.800
more intentional and alert going forward yeah okay so couple things couple things

744
00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:59.040
there yeah you know that the the child question that it's that that could be

745
00:41:59.040 --> 00:42:07.080
difficult to navigate in the regard of your when you say you're meeting men or

746
00:42:07.080 --> 00:42:12.200
talking to her connecting with men in their 40s is that because you're in your

747
00:42:12.200 --> 00:42:18.760
40s yeah I mean the the app will match me mostly with people in 40s or 50s

748
00:42:18.760 --> 00:42:24.080
yes I'm in my early 40s okay okay I guess that but so that's why I'm

749
00:42:24.080 --> 00:42:30.320
clarifying just I just want to make sure yeah so I mean obviously that can be a

750
00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:35.120
non-negotiable the children the whole children equation whether they have

751
00:42:35.120 --> 00:42:38.560
children don't have children you do don't never had you know all that kind

752
00:42:38.560 --> 00:42:43.080
of willing to have more all that kind of stuff the whole children thing can be a

753
00:42:43.080 --> 00:42:49.600
non-negotiable depending on who you are what you want and then of course who the

754
00:42:49.600 --> 00:42:55.320
other person is what they want so obviously that can be a non-negotiable

755
00:42:55.320 --> 00:42:59.720
in terms of like what is your feeling about having children or children that

756
00:42:59.720 --> 00:43:06.760
exist and so on so on so there's nothing you can really do about that because you

757
00:43:06.760 --> 00:43:10.600
can't just make somebody want to have children when they don't etc etc etc

758
00:43:10.600 --> 00:43:18.480
right but at the same time if that is an obstacle up front you know it the

759
00:43:18.480 --> 00:43:22.480
question of whether that has to be an obstacle going forward is something that

760
00:43:22.480 --> 00:43:28.600
you don't know until you have a date or have it a conversation you know at some

761
00:43:28.600 --> 00:43:33.800
point down the road or whatever so sometimes those things do change because

762
00:43:33.800 --> 00:43:38.760
sometimes a person will see another perspective they never saw before so on

763
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:42.520
and so on so again that's just one of those things that either becomes a

764
00:43:42.520 --> 00:43:52.080
non-negotiable or something that changes over time with regard to a comment I

765
00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:58.680
remember there was a moment and I'm trying to think I think it was about two

766
00:43:58.680 --> 00:44:07.040
and a half to three months in knowing into knowing Jackie we met in April 19

767
00:44:07.040 --> 00:44:13.680
years ago this month we met for the first time I don't know what date it was

768
00:44:13.680 --> 00:44:23.440
it might have been earlier in April and 19 years ago and then long about May or

769
00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:30.640
June maybe even into July I don't know there was that there was a day and it

770
00:44:30.640 --> 00:44:35.240
was just one of those moments where I was out in the yard I was doing something I

771
00:44:35.240 --> 00:44:40.640
think my dad had come to visit me and stay a couple days with me and so he was

772
00:44:40.640 --> 00:44:46.280
around and he met her we were not dating we were not in a relationship or

773
00:44:46.280 --> 00:44:52.480
anything but you could tell there was just sort of that like feeling of like

774
00:44:52.480 --> 00:44:58.960
you know is this person into I don't know I couldn't tell any any further

775
00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:01.720
whether she was

776
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.320
She would be interested in having that kind of a conversation or even going there like in the conference like is once you breached

777
00:45:07.720 --> 00:45:10.840
Hey, I like you. I don't like you. Whatever. That's like that's a whole nother

778
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:14.840
I'm not her neighbor just her neighbor anymore, and she's not just my neighbor anymore

779
00:45:15.120 --> 00:45:20.720
It's like oh now we're like we like each other or I he likes me, but I don't like him and I didn't know any of

780
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:22.720
that and

781
00:45:23.040 --> 00:45:25.040
Somehow

782
00:45:26.120 --> 00:45:27.960
Something about like

783
00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:32.120
Going forward in life or not necessarily being married again

784
00:45:32.120 --> 00:45:38.460
But anyway, I made the comment as she was walking away out of the yard and again

785
00:45:38.460 --> 00:45:42.080
This is three months in and I said, you know

786
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:44.960
if I were looking to

787
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:51.760
Have a relationship or something like that. I didn't I don't think I said get married again. I said I wouldn't have to look far

788
00:45:53.160 --> 00:45:55.000
and

789
00:45:55.080 --> 00:45:56.560
And I meant

790
00:45:56.560 --> 00:46:01.960
that in the way that you think I meant I meant like I wouldn't like like, you know, like I just kind of lay that

791
00:46:01.960 --> 00:46:03.320
out there and

792
00:46:03.320 --> 00:46:05.320
I didn't know it until

793
00:46:06.560 --> 00:46:13.020
Years later that that comment and I placed that comment on purpose for that reason

794
00:46:13.600 --> 00:46:19.880
But I didn't know she picked it up at that moment. That was the first moment. She says that she realized oh

795
00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:23.900
I think this guy likes me. I think he's into me

796
00:46:25.280 --> 00:46:31.920
Now mind you I was probably into her. That's first day. I saw her, you know, but I didn't tell her that

797
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:37.280
I didn't really know how to tell her that it didn't how to indicate it again. I'm 14. I'm standing on the front

798
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:39.280
There's a beautiful a stand in front of me. Give me the time of day

799
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:43.520
so I'm just like what is going on in my life and

800
00:46:46.200 --> 00:46:52.120
So it took me a while to kind of come to that sort of like line that that's pretty good line I think

801
00:46:53.000 --> 00:46:54.880
but

802
00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:57.080
you know that was

803
00:46:57.080 --> 00:46:58.400
kind of like

804
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:05.160
just came to me in the moment and I could I kind of felt like I needed to say something at some point in the

805
00:47:05.160 --> 00:47:07.160
next whenever

806
00:47:07.160 --> 00:47:09.160
because I

807
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:11.280
Wanted to let her know in

808
00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:20.000
A casual way without being too vulnerable getting rejected and being like you're an idiot like get away all that

809
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:25.120
I had to let her know that I was interested and that was kind of my way of doing that

810
00:47:25.120 --> 00:47:28.320
She took that as a signal. She's very intuitive. Obviously that way I

811
00:47:29.600 --> 00:47:33.320
Didn't know her profound giftings in this area at that time

812
00:47:33.320 --> 00:47:38.520
so I didn't know that was even good enough for her like but she's a woman like women know all these things and

813
00:47:39.040 --> 00:47:44.080
So then it became more like it became more and more like that

814
00:47:44.080 --> 00:47:49.160
I think that we took the walk after that day a week later, whatever it was

815
00:47:50.120 --> 00:47:52.120
So that was very helpful

816
00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:57.280
But I think I think it could be obvious. I don't know if I'm answering your question or not

817
00:47:59.160 --> 00:48:01.160
That's just what happened to me

818
00:48:01.560 --> 00:48:02.640
Okay

819
00:48:02.640 --> 00:48:10.160
Yeah, I mean, I'm just trying to get some insights so that I don't like miss signals because I think probably

820
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:16.720
It's possible that I I did in the past. So I just want to be more intentional about it. I

821
00:48:17.480 --> 00:48:19.480
Don't know like I don't

822
00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:22.000
Maybe I'm different kind of guy

823
00:48:22.000 --> 00:48:24.000
But I you know

824
00:48:24.400 --> 00:48:27.400
First of all, I'm a very loyal individual second of all

825
00:48:28.160 --> 00:48:30.880
At loyal to a fault and second of all

826
00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:38.560
I was brought up with a certain value system that just like that was just ingrained in me. And so and it's not

827
00:48:39.640 --> 00:48:42.200
Perfect by any stretch of the imagination not trust me

828
00:48:42.200 --> 00:48:47.560
I could go on and on and on and on about all of the imperfections of me in my life and

829
00:48:48.280 --> 00:48:50.280
But at the same time

830
00:48:51.720 --> 00:48:58.120
I don't understand these guys that are like don't know what they want. I

831
00:48:59.240 --> 00:49:06.800
Just I don't get it. It's like what either you want to be married or you don't want to be married like just just say it

832
00:49:08.320 --> 00:49:11.840
Instead of just like well, you know, I'd be like no not well, it'd be nice

833
00:49:11.840 --> 00:49:14.680
It's you know, sometimes I meet the right person. That's a bunch of crap

834
00:49:15.400 --> 00:49:21.680
That is such bull, you know what it's just like bro, what are you doing? I

835
00:49:22.440 --> 00:49:25.560
Asked the guys on our Monday night calls all the time. I like guys

836
00:49:26.720 --> 00:49:31.440
Love you. God bless you. I love Jesus. I love your heart and everything. But what are you doing?

837
00:49:31.440 --> 00:49:33.440
I get is this your priority or not?

838
00:49:34.120 --> 00:49:35.320
and

839
00:49:35.320 --> 00:49:37.320
the and the whole like

840
00:49:38.120 --> 00:49:40.480
you know wanting to like

841
00:49:41.280 --> 00:49:47.480
Creep around and like maybe just be on dating apps to hook up and like just kind of see what happens. No, it's like

842
00:49:48.560 --> 00:49:51.920
That's just I don't know. That's that's not

843
00:49:52.960 --> 00:50:00.080
I'm not even gonna say it's wrong. It is wrong. I'm not gonna criticize it for being wrong. I'm criticizing it for being bad

844
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.480
dumb and stupid i'm criticizing it for being just like how

845
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:12.240
much of a non-person do you want to be seriously

846
00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:22.160
and i and i just it just kind of irritates me that men you know are are sort of just letting

847
00:50:22.160 --> 00:50:28.960
their lives happen to them instead of them being more intentional about anything in their life

848
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:37.680
you know and trust me i i get being in a mindset and a mind frame of like being depressed

849
00:50:38.560 --> 00:50:44.080
i went through a period of depression for probably about 10 12 maybe 15 years

850
00:50:46.640 --> 00:50:51.520
while i was married to jackie there was a lot of like non-purpose in me

851
00:50:53.360 --> 00:50:59.200
maybe 10 years because i was wrapped that that that's another part of the equation that we don't

852
00:50:59.200 --> 00:51:07.280
talk about a lot my identity was who i was in ministry and when that was no more for me

853
00:51:07.840 --> 00:51:12.240
i didn't know who i was and it took me a long time to figure that out

854
00:51:13.120 --> 00:51:16.000
like who am i what am i what am i like what am i doing

855
00:51:19.200 --> 00:51:25.120
like and god was so gracious though that i didn't lose everything again

856
00:51:26.000 --> 00:51:30.880
you know after having lost it the first time and part of our story i don't know if you know this or

857
00:51:30.880 --> 00:51:37.600
not but like you know my wife like on paper the story written down on paper is kind of like my

858
00:51:37.600 --> 00:51:43.120
wife left me and i was in ministry and how could you know then then you can like well oh my gosh

859
00:51:43.120 --> 00:51:48.480
you're such a good you're you know faster and you're doing all this good work and your your

860
00:51:48.480 --> 00:51:54.240
wife left you and all this kind of stuff and it's like a very sad story and it's a very sad story

861
00:51:55.120 --> 00:52:04.560
and that's true on paper but the reality is is that somehow i failed my marriage it didn't matter

862
00:52:05.680 --> 00:52:11.680
what position i held or what kind of guy i looked like on the outside somehow my

863
00:52:11.680 --> 00:52:15.920
wife my first wife i we were missing it

864
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:22.320
and even though she was the one that called it out and then was the bad person

865
00:52:22.880 --> 00:52:29.280
and basically got excommunicated and left and didn't want anything to do with that blah blah

866
00:52:29.280 --> 00:52:33.920
blah blah blah as the story might go like written down recorded

867
00:52:36.000 --> 00:52:44.560
on facts alone doesn't record the intricate nuances of relationship that i was failing miserably at

868
00:52:46.400 --> 00:52:48.320
and then at the same time

869
00:52:48.320 --> 00:52:56.960
lost my identity i'm married again and here i am kind of doing the same thing again like god forbid

870
00:52:56.960 --> 00:53:06.080
i lose this again so i had to come to myself so i haven't always been like but i can rise to

871
00:53:06.080 --> 00:53:11.920
any moment arise to a challenge in any time i can rise to it but sometimes in the day-to-day

872
00:53:12.160 --> 00:53:19.280
i can rise to it but sometimes in the day-to-day consistency man it i fight life just like you all

873
00:53:20.480 --> 00:53:27.200
i fight the dread that the whatever that i don't want to that like i want to go off and

874
00:53:28.240 --> 00:53:38.240
do whatever you know i can i can medicate with the best of them trust me just like everybody can

875
00:53:39.200 --> 00:53:48.640
and so uh it's it's it's a struggle but i want men to to be in the struggle not just

876
00:53:48.640 --> 00:53:56.080
abdicate the struggle because they don't want to that's that's bullshit if i can be clear that's

877
00:53:56.080 --> 00:54:07.760
just not right i need we need men to we need men to be men and so it's just a shame that

878
00:54:07.760 --> 00:54:14.640
there's so many wonderful godly ladies and wonderful godly men out there that aren't in

879
00:54:16.400 --> 00:54:24.400
um a relationship that is legacy and building and and i'm not shaming anybody promise you

880
00:54:24.400 --> 00:54:29.840
listen to me i'm not shaming anybody i know how hard it is i know how difficult it is

881
00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:38.880
and you know i know levels of readiness but it's just it's this this why we do the work we do

882
00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:43.920
because we want to help men and women come into their best

883
00:54:46.000 --> 00:54:52.400
moments their best decisions their best preparation for what could be that's why we do what we do

884
00:54:52.560 --> 00:54:59.520
that's why we do what we do so that was a long answer to that i don't know if i can get to all

885
00:54:59.520 --> 00:54:59.920
these

886
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.440
Sorry, guys. Tiffany, go ahead. Okay, kind of to piggyback on what Helen said,

887
00:55:08.480 --> 00:55:16.080
in terms of, I don't want to say readiness, because I feel like I'm meeting men that are

888
00:55:16.080 --> 00:55:20.720
definitely marriage-minded, but they have it in their heads about how things should go,

889
00:55:20.720 --> 00:55:26.400
just like I do. Like, just like I do. That's, you know, it's fine. So what I'm coming up against,

890
00:55:26.400 --> 00:55:32.880
and I've even mentioned this to Jackie, when we're having conversations, phone call, and it's,

891
00:55:32.880 --> 00:55:39.280
let's say, around dinner time, and I say, hey, you know, I'm, you know, having dinner, I'll call you

892
00:55:39.280 --> 00:55:44.320
back. And it's like, oh, okay, well, what did you cook for dinner? Nothing. I don't cook. So it's

893
00:55:44.320 --> 00:55:48.320
like, oh, nothing. I don't cook. What do you mean you don't cook? I'm like, oh, you know, I just,

894
00:55:48.320 --> 00:55:52.480
I don't like to cook, so I don't cook. Well, how do you eat? You know, and it's like, oh, I have

895
00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:58.560
a chef that comes in a couple times a week. He cooks for me. Oh, okay. Well, that's nice. Like,

896
00:55:58.560 --> 00:56:04.240
yeah. Well, don't you think that's a waste of money? No. Well, you must, you don't like to bake?

897
00:56:04.880 --> 00:56:11.520
No. Oh, okay. So, I mean, that's interesting. And I was like, well, yeah, you know, everybody's

898
00:56:11.520 --> 00:56:14.080
different. They have their things. You know, I said, I'm willing, there's some things I'm

899
00:56:14.080 --> 00:56:18.240
willing to pay for, other things I'm not. And basically, it goes down the road of,

900
00:56:19.200 --> 00:56:26.240
I don't do domestic labor. I don't wash clothes. I don't clean. I just don't do stuff like that.

901
00:56:26.240 --> 00:56:32.080
I think people. And I'm finding men, and typically the type of men I date, they're generous.

902
00:56:32.080 --> 00:56:36.240
They're generous financially. They have a really good financial background. But again, I'm trying

903
00:56:36.240 --> 00:56:44.000
to broaden my horizon. And so, but I'm finding out, like, a lot of men equate femininity with

904
00:56:44.800 --> 00:56:49.920
those things of cooking, of cleaning, of those things. I don't equate it with that, but I'm

905
00:56:49.920 --> 00:56:54.400
finding that they do. And they are like, well, you're not feminine enough. You know, I need a

906
00:56:54.400 --> 00:56:59.040
woman that's going to do this. And I was like, I understand. Well, what if, you know, you don't

907
00:56:59.040 --> 00:57:04.800
have the money to pay that? Well, I have the money. So, I pay it. Like, that's, it's just,

908
00:57:04.800 --> 00:57:10.560
you know, even when I was unemployed for almost a year, I paid it because I don't do that anymore.

909
00:57:10.640 --> 00:57:18.880
And so, I'm wondering, truly, how important is a woman being able to cook a meal?

910
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:24.720
A woman, because I feel like I'm generous in other ways. I just don't do that. So,

911
00:57:24.720 --> 00:57:30.240
I'm just trying to figure out how important, truly, is it for a, you know, woman? And I've

912
00:57:30.240 --> 00:57:35.920
told the guys, like, look, it sounds like you want a wife appliance. I'm telling you, this is what I

913
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:41.840
offer. If that's not good enough for you, I understand, but I'm not going to change what I

914
00:57:41.840 --> 00:57:46.560
won't do. Like, I love my son, but I don't wash your clothes. So, why would I wash your clothes

915
00:57:46.560 --> 00:57:50.640
when I don't wash my kids' clothes? And so, I'm just trying to find out how, seriously, how

916
00:57:50.640 --> 00:57:57.040
important is it? Is this something that I need to tweak on some level? Yeah, that's what I want

917
00:57:57.040 --> 00:58:01.360
to find out, how important is it? No, no, no, no. I mean, like, look,

918
00:58:01.920 --> 00:58:08.400
I'm begging my wife to, like, not do those things. Like, sometimes, I'm like, look, babe,

919
00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:13.760
if you don't, like, get this taken care of another way, like, this is going to kill you and me and

920
00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:20.480
everybody in between. Like, stop it. Like, literally. And I, trust me, I carry my load of

921
00:58:20.480 --> 00:58:24.320
the chores as well. So, we both do. But at the same time, like, why are we doing this? Like,

922
00:58:24.560 --> 00:58:32.560
like, we would be so much more available in the rest of all the other stuff we could do

923
00:58:32.560 --> 00:58:37.360
with our lives if we had to do this. And I understand everybody doesn't have it that way

924
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:44.000
and or everybody doesn't value that way. Some people love to do that. Like, that is their

925
00:58:45.200 --> 00:58:50.240
service, their personality. That's what they're geared to do. They love it. They love to homemake.

926
00:58:50.240 --> 00:58:56.080
I mean, for you, do you. And if you have, like, the answer to your question is this,

927
00:58:56.960 --> 00:59:02.800
the right to the right man, that is not a problem. Okay. That's what I always would say. I'm like,

928
00:59:02.800 --> 00:59:08.080
well, this is just not your person. Like, because I feel like I grew up in a household. I'm the

929
00:59:08.080 --> 00:59:12.000
youngest of 14. My mother was like, look, you know, I grew up with help because my mother had

930
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:16.560
so many kids, my mother and father. And so, my mother would say, you know, it's, I don't want

931
00:59:16.560 --> 00:59:20.640
to exhaust myself. I won't exhaust myself for a husband or the children that I love.

932
00:59:21.520 --> 00:59:27.840
I want to be relaxed. So, therefore, I pay, you know, your dad, he pays for help. And I just want

933
00:59:27.840 --> 00:59:34.000
men to be okay with that. Like, you know, maybe it'll change, but let's be okay. Do you.

934
00:59:34.000 --> 00:59:39.280
I mean, with anything, with anything like that's like in our culture, in our world today, I mean,

935
00:59:39.280 --> 00:59:44.880
that's obviously considered like a luxury, you know, to be able to afford that. But here's the

936
00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:51.360
thing. Like if you got it that way, I mean, with anything you can be irresponsible, of course.

937
00:59:51.920 --> 00:59:57.120
Like you can be responsible with a thousand different things that doesn't, that doesn't

938
00:59:57.120 --> 00:59:59.840
indicate, oh, this person doesn't have.

939
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.040
Like whatever they would criticize you for living that way for like that doesn't mean that at all

940
01:00:05.040 --> 01:00:12.040
It just means you are placing your value for your time and your energy into things that you think that are like worth it

941
01:00:12.160 --> 01:00:13.720
Like I don't know what you do for a living

942
01:00:13.720 --> 01:00:16.320
I don't know what you do with your time when you don't do that

943
01:00:16.320 --> 01:00:19.640
but it's like look I am not just trying to like

944
01:00:20.080 --> 01:00:25.040
Make life easier for myself or trying to be some like better than another person

945
01:00:25.640 --> 01:00:29.680
Being I'm just trying to place value where I place value

946
01:00:30.360 --> 01:00:36.880
There's nothing wrong with that and to each his own and somebody where you're placing value like I love my home

947
01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:41.020
I want it to be clean. I want it to be the way I want it to be

948
01:00:41.020 --> 01:00:47.720
I love cooking and making things for other people because it's the way I show my value and love that's

949
01:00:48.040 --> 01:00:51.920
Two different things, but it's the same thing because it's what you value

950
01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:54.920
Every night

951
01:00:59.240 --> 01:01:03.080
Alright, so yeah, I know it's just about placing value

952
01:01:04.320 --> 01:01:11.160
You know, I would love I'm a bougie kind of guy. I would love to have all the things, you know, and

953
01:01:11.880 --> 01:01:13.880
Someday I might you know, who knows?

954
01:01:14.560 --> 01:01:16.320
but

955
01:01:16.320 --> 01:01:20.200
So I have to live my life the way I live my life, but at the same time I get you

956
01:01:20.720 --> 01:01:24.720
Yeah, that's a man I would not have a problem with that at all but like let's go

957
01:01:26.080 --> 01:01:28.840
I'm relaxed, you know, we're married. I'm relaxed

958
01:01:28.840 --> 01:01:34.000
Do you really want to be bothered with me after working all day and cooking and cleaning? You don't want that

959
01:01:34.000 --> 01:01:39.120
I don't want that for you. I want you to see me relaxed and you know and ready to receive you

960
01:01:39.120 --> 01:01:43.840
Well, so I'm people really good at that something and they and they have an efficient way of doing it

961
01:01:43.840 --> 01:01:49.000
It's not like it's not a it's not a chore. That's like a this is just what you do and whatever like that's cool

962
01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:57.400
Thanks, I appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Lydia. Oh, it's 802 and I promised Jackie one hour exactly

963
01:01:59.160 --> 01:02:03.880
Juanita can I can I bump you? I love you girl

964
01:02:05.480 --> 01:02:07.480
You know I do

965
01:02:07.840 --> 01:02:10.400
Okay, Lydia one one last thing here. We got to go

966
01:02:12.080 --> 01:02:18.000
Okay, I'll make it quick so you were taught you were talking about a little while ago about

967
01:02:19.120 --> 01:02:25.880
Man, and the response so I've been on dating apps for several years now

968
01:02:25.880 --> 01:02:32.680
and it just seems like everybody all these men either they always want something and

969
01:02:33.320 --> 01:02:34.680
in

970
01:02:34.680 --> 01:02:36.680
some instances I

971
01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:39.720
I've been taken advantage of

972
01:02:40.880 --> 01:02:48.080
Literally financially whatever. Yeah, and so how do what is my what do you recommend?

973
01:02:48.080 --> 01:02:50.080
my role would be

974
01:02:50.280 --> 01:02:56.720
In that because or either either they want to take advantage of me or they just want to chit-chat

975
01:02:57.600 --> 01:03:01.880
There's like really you say advantage of you. They're asking you for money

976
01:03:02.480 --> 01:03:04.480
Yeah, what?

977
01:03:04.600 --> 01:03:05.760
Yes

978
01:03:05.760 --> 01:03:12.080
No, that's that's a hard. No, I don't care if it's five dollars five hundred dollars fifty cents. It's a hard

979
01:03:12.080 --> 01:03:15.040
No, it's like why are you asking me for money? Like what that's

980
01:03:15.760 --> 01:03:17.120
completely

981
01:03:17.120 --> 01:03:18.240
Inappropriate

982
01:03:18.240 --> 01:03:26.520
Yeah a thousand percent. I don't care for even for what reason that's like I wouldn't I mean if I were hard up and I

983
01:03:26.520 --> 01:03:31.640
Had to ask a stranger for money because I was hungry. That's one thing but like

984
01:03:32.760 --> 01:03:35.840
to ask somebody for money and you don't really even know them like

985
01:03:36.840 --> 01:03:38.840
that's

986
01:03:38.920 --> 01:03:40.520
That's not right

987
01:03:40.520 --> 01:03:42.440
Right. I don't understand that

988
01:03:42.440 --> 01:03:49.480
Yeah, I don't even understand why that's in the equation like I don't understand why that's even a like like oh, hey

989
01:03:49.480 --> 01:03:52.920
Can I borrow some money? No can't borrow some money. I don't even know who you are

990
01:03:53.240 --> 01:04:01.000
So so it's like this situation. Oh, I'm I'm like I have this, you know out of the country contract and no

991
01:04:01.680 --> 01:04:03.680
Everything went wrong on that. Oh

992
01:04:05.000 --> 01:04:08.560
Sorry, bro, that's your problem. That's not my problem. I exactly

993
01:04:09.080 --> 01:04:10.480
Sorry

994
01:04:10.480 --> 01:04:14.480
I'm not even sorry. Actually, that's just your problem. Like I don't know what to tell you

995
01:04:14.480 --> 01:04:17.560
That's that this must be must suck to be you

996
01:04:18.200 --> 01:04:20.280
Because I don't know anything about that

997
01:04:21.320 --> 01:04:26.200
Yeah, so no, that's not your that's not your responsibility at all

998
01:04:28.040 --> 01:04:30.840
Yeah, I would just that's just a hard no, it's just like yeah, okay

999
01:04:31.360 --> 01:04:34.400
Let's end this conversation because I think I'm not gonna talk to somebody else

1000
01:04:35.160 --> 01:04:37.160
I don't know that's even worth

1001
01:04:37.400 --> 01:04:39.400
talking to somebody

1002
01:04:39.440 --> 01:04:44.080
Any length of time if that's where they're gonna take this conversation, you know, I'm saying

1003
01:04:44.720 --> 01:04:46.720
Right, right. Yeah

1004
01:04:49.520 --> 01:04:51.520
Okay

1005
01:04:54.000 --> 01:04:58.480
Well, yeah that but or you said somebody would chat and wait time

1006
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.760
Exactly. There's just no commitment. They just want to just chit-chat and go

1007
01:05:04.960 --> 01:05:09.320
It's just like this texting back and forth and it's like, you know, I'm done with that

1008
01:05:10.120 --> 01:05:14.560
After the first after the first day or so maybe like you're just getting no

1009
01:05:14.560 --> 01:05:18.800
You don't know anything about this person and they're just chit-chatting whatever you know, you know, yeah

1010
01:05:18.800 --> 01:05:22.760
No, it's got it. It's got a it's got to go somewhere. Otherwise, it's just like, okay

1011
01:05:23.960 --> 01:05:26.040
Love you. God bless you. But you know

1012
01:05:26.720 --> 01:05:31.560
This there's nothing there's nothing here I don't have time to sit around and chit-chat with you

1013
01:05:32.520 --> 01:05:34.600
Yeah, that's a no. That's a hard no as well

1014
01:05:36.000 --> 01:05:38.000
Okay. Thank you

1015
01:05:39.240 --> 01:05:44.640
All right, god bless you ladies, I love you all you are such incredible ladies

1016
01:05:46.080 --> 01:05:52.240
God bless you. I pray life and health and wealth over you. I speak healing for you

1017
01:05:52.240 --> 01:05:55.460
I speak that you are just encouraged and lifted up today and

1018
01:05:56.880 --> 01:05:58.800
You're such a blessing to us all

1019
01:05:58.800 --> 01:06:04.400
Let us know how much more we can serve you and we will see you on the next whatever it is

1020
01:06:04.400 --> 01:06:08.400
I don't even know what the calendar says, but we'll see you then. God bless

1021
01:06:08.920 --> 01:06:10.920
Bye