WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.180
All right, welcome ladies. It's so good to have you all here. It's April 21st. This is your one o'clock Eastern

2
00:00:09.840 --> 00:00:12.700
live phase two love story accelerator

3
00:00:13.320 --> 00:00:15.320
live coaching call here

4
00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:22.700
I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at last year's single. If you don't know me, it's good to meet you

5
00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:27.320
I am a success story. So I've been with Jackie since 2020

6
00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:31.440
when she kind of launched this whole community and

7
00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:38.160
It took me a couple years, but I did meet my husband and we've been married and now

8
00:00:38.720 --> 00:00:40.720
Going on two and a half almost three years

9
00:00:41.160 --> 00:00:47.800
So and then I've been coaching here at last year's single now over two years. So

10
00:00:49.040 --> 00:00:51.520
it's just an honor and a privilege to be able to

11
00:00:52.040 --> 00:00:56.520
pour into you ladies the same way that others were able to pour into me and

12
00:00:57.080 --> 00:00:58.600
just

13
00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:00.080
be able to

14
00:01:00.080 --> 00:01:06.200
you know give you my own testimony and share and kind of help guide you through with what

15
00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:08.680
God is gonna lead you on this journey

16
00:01:08.680 --> 00:01:11.000
So just keep in mind, you know

17
00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:14.200
God has each and every one of you on your very own journey

18
00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:20.880
And so don't don't fall trap into that comparison game like oh, it's not looking this way for me

19
00:01:20.880 --> 00:01:28.160
And so it's not gonna happen or oh it needs to look like this or it's not really God like let go

20
00:01:28.520 --> 00:01:32.720
and fully surrender what that love story looks like because

21
00:01:33.320 --> 00:01:39.760
After you know five years of this movement and you know over 1600

22
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:45.680
engagements marriages and everything like that everyone has their own unique story and

23
00:01:46.160 --> 00:01:48.780
There is bound to be you know

24
00:01:49.700 --> 00:01:52.820
Someone that has some similarity or something

25
00:01:53.580 --> 00:01:58.100
And so I don't want you to fall trap and thinking well

26
00:01:58.940 --> 00:02:01.180
Carla said it needs to look this way or

27
00:02:01.860 --> 00:02:06.940
Ebony said it needs to look this way or Jackie said it needs to look this way

28
00:02:07.700 --> 00:02:09.699
at the end of the day like

29
00:02:10.380 --> 00:02:13.140
Your heavenly father is your source

30
00:02:14.100 --> 00:02:21.580
And you know our heart is always to be you know a vessel that the Lord uses to help

31
00:02:23.020 --> 00:02:30.300
You know his plan for your life and your love story, so I just want to encourage you all with that

32
00:02:31.340 --> 00:02:36.300
You know, obviously we do have guardrails that we we kind of coach from

33
00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:42.780
Because after you know having you know had this program for about five years, you know

34
00:02:42.820 --> 00:02:44.740
Jackie and and Jackie's

35
00:02:44.740 --> 00:02:47.020
She was doing this long before so

36
00:02:48.460 --> 00:02:53.540
She's she's she's got she's got some knowledge. She's got an anointing definitely for sure. So

37
00:02:55.140 --> 00:03:00.740
What she teaches is definitely very supernatural it's definitely very God anointed so

38
00:03:01.820 --> 00:03:07.420
We're here to you know, just walk that journey with you. So do I have any first time?

39
00:03:08.500 --> 00:03:10.500
ladies to phase two

40
00:03:11.340 --> 00:03:13.340
With us right now, yes

41
00:03:15.460 --> 00:03:17.460
Our girl from Germany

42
00:03:17.620 --> 00:03:24.060
She's on the border of Switzerland. I can't pronounce her name correctly, but she's like say it however you want

43
00:03:26.260 --> 00:03:28.500
So Susanna Susanna

44
00:03:30.420 --> 00:03:33.500
She's like hey, it's good we're learning right

45
00:03:34.340 --> 00:03:36.820
So it's good to have you with us and

46
00:03:37.260 --> 00:03:42.340
Anybody else that's tuning in and watching replay if you are brand new we want to welcome you here

47
00:03:42.860 --> 00:03:45.620
Ladies get familiar and get comfortable with our app

48
00:03:46.380 --> 00:03:52.180
Definitely get in there share what's going on in your life. I'm what questions you have

49
00:03:53.500 --> 00:03:58.620
Just play around with that any questions. Just you know, definitely ask us that's what we're here for

50
00:03:59.420 --> 00:04:05.580
I don't really have any whole lot of a housekeeping stuff. It's kind of just the same but again

51
00:04:06.420 --> 00:04:10.780
We've got five teaching content videos here in phase two

52
00:04:10.780 --> 00:04:16.339
So it's a little bit differently in phase one. It doesn't have a book that goes with it

53
00:04:16.540 --> 00:04:20.300
There are videos because you watch one of those videos a week

54
00:04:20.940 --> 00:04:27.140
Don't rush through them. Don't do more than one. I mean even if you have to do one every two or three weeks, that's fine

55
00:04:27.740 --> 00:04:29.340
And in

56
00:04:29.340 --> 00:04:33.660
Absorb it digest it like just really pray and meditate on it

57
00:04:34.420 --> 00:04:36.260
Come with your questions

58
00:04:36.260 --> 00:04:39.300
See what God is highlighting to you and be able to

59
00:04:40.460 --> 00:04:42.460
Just learn something new

60
00:04:42.980 --> 00:04:49.220
And then we obviously have these live calls every Tuesday the one o'clock Eastern and eight o'clock Eastern

61
00:04:50.380 --> 00:04:52.500
8 p.m. Eastern not 8 a.m.

62
00:04:53.300 --> 00:04:55.300
and

63
00:04:55.300 --> 00:05:00.060
You know getting on these calls is definitely really helpful myself and Ebony

64
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.760
We typically will, you know, teach some content and then open the floor for questions

65
00:05:06.640 --> 00:05:11.560
That can be dated dating related or it doesn't always have to be dating related

66
00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:17.800
It can be artwork related to it can be life related like whatever it is that you are experiencing

67
00:05:18.440 --> 00:05:20.360
again, this is

68
00:05:20.360 --> 00:05:22.360
your journey

69
00:05:23.240 --> 00:05:31.000
Show your love story and so everyone's gonna have you know things going on in their life that God is highlighting to them

70
00:05:31.200 --> 00:05:37.600
that you know, he wants to heal and and and and move you towards so

71
00:05:39.120 --> 00:05:41.120
Your questions are always

72
00:05:41.560 --> 00:05:42.880
Definitely

73
00:05:42.880 --> 00:05:46.320
Invited here. Okay dating or not dating. All right

74
00:05:47.360 --> 00:05:48.960
so today

75
00:05:48.960 --> 00:05:53.840
We are gonna I I thought it was really good because I know we talk a lot about

76
00:05:54.880 --> 00:06:00.120
You'll hear us say this phrase that Jackie teaches about the three M's

77
00:06:00.880 --> 00:06:05.300
Do I have anybody here that has no idea what the three M's are?

78
00:06:08.040 --> 00:06:10.040
Everybody knows what the three M's are

79
00:06:12.080 --> 00:06:13.640
Oh

80
00:06:13.640 --> 00:06:16.040
Well, this might be a refresher for everybody. I

81
00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:20.000
Always feel like we say that and some people are like, what's the three M's?

82
00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:23.920
And so I really want us to dive into that

83
00:06:24.520 --> 00:06:31.520
you know what the three M's are what that will look like and how to discern that and

84
00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:34.560
You know

85
00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:40.600
Also not trying to rush into saying someone has them or doesn't have them quickly

86
00:06:40.840 --> 00:06:45.480
She's like, I don't remember what they are that's good because we're gonna teach them teaching them today

87
00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:50.760
All right. Good. Good. Good for a second. I'm like, oh my gosh, everybody knows what these are

88
00:06:50.760 --> 00:06:55.200
So I'm like, oh man, I'm gonna get this everybody falling asleep or in this class

89
00:06:56.120 --> 00:06:58.120
but no, they are

90
00:06:58.760 --> 00:07:01.240
masculine mature and

91
00:07:02.280 --> 00:07:09.240
Marriage-minded and so you'll hear Jackie often talk about that. You'll hear myself and Ebony share about that

92
00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:14.720
and so I just want to kind of touch on what that is how to just learn what that looks like and

93
00:07:15.560 --> 00:07:17.560
And then we'll go into your questions

94
00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:20.360
So I'm gonna go ahead and open up stuff in prayer

95
00:07:20.600 --> 00:07:28.360
And then we'll go ahead and get started on talking and learning about the three M's and then we'll any of your questions. Definitely

96
00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:36.040
Throw those up in the chat and I will do my best to kind of be checking those especially towards the end

97
00:07:36.080 --> 00:07:40.880
Especially towards the end I'll typically go through and look through those as well. Okay

98
00:07:42.400 --> 00:07:45.760
So have my father I just thank you I thank you for this day. I

99
00:07:46.840 --> 00:07:51.480
Thank you for this time that you're bringing us together. I thank you for the connection

100
00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:54.160
That we have in this community

101
00:07:55.720 --> 00:08:00.960
And Lord, I just thank you that we we all share the desire to grow in wisdom and truth and

102
00:08:01.400 --> 00:08:04.920
It's and not just our truth, but your truth Lord

103
00:08:06.880 --> 00:08:10.400
And I just really I just pray that we lean into your truth

104
00:08:10.960 --> 00:08:14.400
Not not the truth that you know, we've we've built on

105
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:22.600
Through our past experiences, but you know, what what do you our Heavenly Father say is true?

106
00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:26.080
And so Lord, we just invite you in this space

107
00:08:27.280 --> 00:08:33.679
You know, we ask that you quite any distractions. There's any anxieties Lord. I just ask that you calm them

108
00:08:34.679 --> 00:08:41.039
You know and just help each and every person on this call and in the replay

109
00:08:42.120 --> 00:08:44.200
Be fully present here with us today

110
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:50.560
You know as we talk about relationships Lord I and the desire to partner

111
00:08:52.400 --> 00:08:57.760
With the one that you have for us Lord, you know, we just ask for your guidance and your discernment in that

112
00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:02.160
You know help us to see clearly to recognize what healthy

113
00:09:02.800 --> 00:09:04.800
Aligned

114
00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:10.080
Truly means for each and every one of us. What would you have for us Lord?

115
00:09:10.760 --> 00:09:12.760
Give us the wisdom to learn

116
00:09:13.160 --> 00:09:15.360
what it means to look for a man that has

117
00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:19.200
marriage minded and masculine and mature and

118
00:09:19.760 --> 00:09:24.000
Not just to understand these on an intellectual level Lord

119
00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:26.280
but

120
00:09:26.280 --> 00:09:28.280
That we can trust

121
00:09:28.520 --> 00:09:30.520
Ourselves and we can trust you

122
00:09:31.320 --> 00:09:38.480
That you're gonna show us what that looks like in real life and we can trust that we know what that looks like in real

123
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:39.640
life

124
00:09:39.640 --> 00:09:42.440
So Lord guide our hearts from any confusion

125
00:09:46.120 --> 00:09:52.080
You know keep us from chasing any potential instead of truth

126
00:09:52.080 --> 00:09:58.800
Strengthen us in our patience Lord our self-worth and our trusting of each other

127
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.240
timing. Lord, I ask that this just be a time of encouragement, you know, let this

128
00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:12.480
space be, you know, uplifting, let it be honest, and let there be growth. You know,

129
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:17.240
speak to each and every woman individually the way that she needs to

130
00:10:17.240 --> 00:10:23.200
hear it today. I just ask that, you know, we just give this time and this

131
00:10:23.200 --> 00:10:32.040
moment all to you, Lord, as you lead this. In Jesus' name, amen. All right, you ready

132
00:10:32.040 --> 00:10:37.680
ladies? Okay, so yes, marriage-minded, mature, masculine. Those are the three M's.

133
00:10:37.680 --> 00:10:42.280
Okay, so first one, let's go over masculine. Okay, this is not going to be

134
00:10:42.280 --> 00:10:48.160
about, so I'm going to tell you like what each one is. I'm going to give you

135
00:10:48.160 --> 00:10:53.740
some like examples and then what it's not. Okay, the reason that this is super

136
00:10:53.740 --> 00:11:01.960
important is because when you are dating or getting to know someone or you're

137
00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:08.080
just even just meeting people, especially men, okay, I'm not just talking

138
00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:10.760
about, you know, you're looking for a husband, okay, because you're just gonna

139
00:11:10.760 --> 00:11:16.520
come in contact with all sorts of men, all right, and it's good to be

140
00:11:16.520 --> 00:11:22.160
able to recognize these qualities in all different men, all different stages

141
00:11:22.160 --> 00:11:30.000
and ages, and the reason that's important is because when you are dating,

142
00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:35.360
what you're looking for is you want that all three of these

143
00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:43.960
characteristics and qualities is going to create a clarity, a consistency, and

144
00:11:43.960 --> 00:11:49.760
it's going to help you understand where the potential commitment is, okay. You

145
00:11:49.760 --> 00:11:54.440
want to know where you stand, you want to know that his actions match his words,

146
00:11:54.440 --> 00:12:00.920
and that he's actually capable of being in a relationship, okay. Y'all are single,

147
00:12:00.920 --> 00:12:09.280
y'all are getting clues of what would a healthy man look like, and

148
00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:21.680
keep in mind there's no such thing as perfect, okay. We all have yellow flags.

149
00:12:21.680 --> 00:12:29.880
It's being able to discern, do they have these qualities at their core and are

150
00:12:29.880 --> 00:12:38.640
they are they leaning on them a majority of the time? Are they

151
00:12:38.640 --> 00:12:45.680
open-minded? Are they teachable? Are they looking to grow as an individual?

152
00:12:45.680 --> 00:12:55.640
Individually with their Heavenly Father, like as a man, but do they also want to

153
00:12:55.640 --> 00:13:06.520
grow in relationship? Because ladies, when marriage is going to mature anybody, it's

154
00:13:06.520 --> 00:13:15.240
God's maturity plan for mankind. It will mature a man and it will

155
00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:21.600
mature a woman, all right. We're great individually, there's nothing wrong with

156
00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:26.200
being a woman, there's nothing wrong with being a man, but when we come together in

157
00:13:26.200 --> 00:13:36.400
a covenant to serve the Lord, that can be so powerful for the kingdom, and there's

158
00:13:36.400 --> 00:13:43.240
growth that happens there. So rest assured when you get into marriage,

159
00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:48.640
there's going to be trials and tribulations. So you want to make sure

160
00:13:48.640 --> 00:13:54.000
that that person that you're aligning with is actually in alignment with what

161
00:13:54.000 --> 00:14:02.400
God has for you, and so we want to help you discern that, what that looks like. We

162
00:14:02.400 --> 00:14:08.520
want to help you uncover what blind spots you have, what lenses are you

163
00:14:08.520 --> 00:14:14.560
looking at things. You know, we have experiences from our past that are

164
00:14:14.560 --> 00:14:19.760
going to put lenses on us. Ladies, I still have lenses. I've gone through heartwork,

165
00:14:19.760 --> 00:14:26.640
I'm married, I still have areas of healing and growth that God is still

166
00:14:26.680 --> 00:14:35.200
wanting to refine, and he's using marriage to do that, and he uses other

167
00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:40.680
things too. He just uses relationships in general, but marriage is that one big

168
00:14:40.680 --> 00:14:46.960
strong one, and so that's why those three M's are really, really important, and I

169
00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:53.120
really felt like it would really be good for us to just really spend some time on

170
00:14:53.160 --> 00:14:58.400
that today. Okay, so that's why that's really, really important, and you really

171
00:14:58.400 --> 00:15:01.840
do want a combination of those three.

172
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.240
And the reason why is like, you know, you can have someone who's masculine, but they're

173
00:15:05.240 --> 00:15:07.400
not very mature.

174
00:15:07.400 --> 00:15:08.400
And that's going to be really exciting.

175
00:15:08.400 --> 00:15:13.640
Like, yeah, I got this masculine man, like they're adventurous and they're, you know,

176
00:15:13.640 --> 00:15:17.840
but if they're not very mature, like it's not going to be very stable.

177
00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:27.200
All right, I don't know about you all, but as a female, one of the things that is super

178
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:34.120
important for me as a female is stability and security.

179
00:15:34.120 --> 00:15:41.880
And so having a man that is mature helps create that stability.

180
00:15:41.880 --> 00:15:42.880
Okay.

181
00:15:42.880 --> 00:15:49.320
Now, it doesn't mean like he can't be goofy at times and humorous and things like that.

182
00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:54.280
I'm like, we're not talking, he has to be like super serious all the time.

183
00:15:54.280 --> 00:16:01.560
But you want like at their core, like, are they mature when time, like when, when God

184
00:16:01.560 --> 00:16:04.680
calls them to, Hey, it's time to be mature about things.

185
00:16:04.680 --> 00:16:05.680
Super important.

186
00:16:05.680 --> 00:16:06.680
Okay.

187
00:16:06.680 --> 00:16:12.240
You know, you, maybe you have the maturity, but they're not so much marriage minded.

188
00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:13.240
Like that's safe.

189
00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:15.200
They're going to be safe for you.

190
00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:17.280
You're going to be so mature.

191
00:16:17.280 --> 00:16:23.840
They're going to be like, they, they're going to let you know, like they care about you,

192
00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:30.280
but it's going to get stagnant because that commitment, that, that, like that true marriage

193
00:16:30.280 --> 00:16:33.520
commitment, they're not there.

194
00:16:33.520 --> 00:16:39.160
And so it's going to kind of leave you like, Oh, like where do I still stand?

195
00:16:39.160 --> 00:16:43.440
Like that security might kind of dissipate a little bit.

196
00:16:43.440 --> 00:16:48.240
And then maybe they're marriage minded, but they're not very masculine.

197
00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:51.080
You know, then guess what happens?

198
00:16:51.080 --> 00:16:52.080
You boss babes.

199
00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:56.440
And that was, that was me.

200
00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:57.960
I'm one of those ladies.

201
00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:01.400
Like I like my control.

202
00:17:01.400 --> 00:17:02.400
I mean, I take charge.

203
00:17:02.400 --> 00:17:05.079
I mean, I was a single mama for seven years.

204
00:17:05.079 --> 00:17:06.079
Okay.

205
00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:13.240
I didn't have the masculine energy like in my home, so I had to create it for my son.

206
00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:18.880
And so, you know, if they're marriage minded, but they're not very masculine, guess what

207
00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:20.599
happens?

208
00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:25.319
You going to be the one feeling like you're carrying that relationship.

209
00:17:25.319 --> 00:17:27.520
And we don't want that either.

210
00:17:27.520 --> 00:17:33.720
You know, men are the leaders, they're the spiritual leaders or the spiritual head.

211
00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:39.800
And so you really do want, want to invite that and you want, and they, and they need

212
00:17:39.800 --> 00:17:42.240
to be able to step into that as well.

213
00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:44.760
So it's going to be able to learn how to balance that.

214
00:17:44.760 --> 00:17:51.720
So for you ladies that might be like me who can, you know, be, take charge and, you know,

215
00:17:51.720 --> 00:17:54.440
I'm a very structured, like, let's get it done.

216
00:17:54.440 --> 00:17:57.600
Let's, let's look at it this way and let's get organized.

217
00:17:57.600 --> 00:17:59.600
Let's, you know, got a plan.

218
00:17:59.600 --> 00:18:04.760
I'm a very plan oriented, very focused.

219
00:18:04.760 --> 00:18:10.880
I have to learn sometimes how to like step back and allow my husband to be the one to

220
00:18:10.880 --> 00:18:12.120
do that.

221
00:18:12.120 --> 00:18:13.800
And that's not always so easy.

222
00:18:13.960 --> 00:18:14.480
Okay.

223
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:19.920
And so we want to help you ladies kind of grow into that in that single season.

224
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:20.200
Okay.

225
00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:23.000
Believe it or not, this is your preparation time.

226
00:18:23.000 --> 00:18:24.760
This is your preparation for marriage.

227
00:18:24.760 --> 00:18:33.080
And I assure you, like I was in this community, single, doing all of this stuff, preparing.

228
00:18:33.080 --> 00:18:36.880
And I'm so thankful for all the preparation that I did.

229
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:41.360
But I will tell you, there are some preparation things that I devoided and I'm having to do

230
00:18:41.360 --> 00:18:52.240
it now and sometimes it's not as fun, but it's, it's needed and it's necessary and it's,

231
00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:54.640
it, God uses it for all good.

232
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:57.440
So, um, masculine.

233
00:18:57.440 --> 00:18:57.640
Okay.

234
00:18:57.640 --> 00:18:58.320
Let's go to the first one.

235
00:18:58.320 --> 00:18:59.160
Masculine.

236
00:18:59.160 --> 00:19:04.360
This is going to be, again, it's not about, it's, it's not, it's not about like a stereotype.

237
00:19:04.360 --> 00:19:07.160
It's not about that dominance, like that macho man.

238
00:19:07.160 --> 00:19:09.920
It's about relational energy.

239
00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:16.840
So it's about, um, a masculine man is going to be comfortable taking initiative.

240
00:19:16.840 --> 00:19:26.000
He's going to, um, he's going to move relationships forward and create a sense of safety and direction.

241
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:35.600
That masculine energy is a, is an energy that is protective and covering, provides, protects,

242
00:19:35.600 --> 00:19:38.400
covers.

243
00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:45.440
That's, that's what you're looking for relationally.

244
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:52.560
Cause what that's, he's not going to leave you guessing about anything.

245
00:19:52.560 --> 00:19:52.840
Okay.

246
00:19:52.840 --> 00:19:55.880
And again, we're not looking for perfect.

247
00:19:55.880 --> 00:19:56.640
Okay.

248
00:19:56.640 --> 00:20:00.000
There may be times that we come into, you know.

249
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:07.300
dating somebody, and we might guess things from our own insecurities and how

250
00:20:07.300 --> 00:20:14.080
we see things, and so it really is about a balance. We're looking for over time

251
00:20:14.080 --> 00:20:22.880
and consistency. Majority of the time are they showing up masculine and not

252
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:29.440
leaving you guessing all the time. Okay, so again these are all combinations of

253
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:34.600
things. So you know he might ask you out with a clear plan like, hey let's

254
00:20:34.600 --> 00:20:42.160
grab dinner on Thursday at this time. Does that mean that if a man is not a

255
00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:49.920
planner and is a little like, oh whatever you want to do, like there will be men

256
00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:53.880
that y'all come in contact because they've been conditioned that way too.

257
00:20:53.880 --> 00:20:59.840
Because there are some boss babes out there that like to control things and

258
00:20:59.840 --> 00:21:06.240
they might have been wounded by some of those women and been like reprimanded

259
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:13.320
because they didn't let the woman decide what she wanted to do. And so guess what,

260
00:21:13.320 --> 00:21:18.480
they're trying to just like, you go ahead and do what you want to do. Okay, so and

261
00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:23.560
that's where communication is gonna come in. Okay, so we're not putting the

262
00:21:23.560 --> 00:21:29.800
axe on them right away just because, oh he doesn't plan a date. We're looking

263
00:21:29.800 --> 00:21:37.520
through time. Okay, but you're gonna recognize and notice, hey I recognize the

264
00:21:37.520 --> 00:21:44.360
guys that are clear about the plans. They are, they're gonna follow up after the

265
00:21:44.360 --> 00:21:51.200
date. They're not just gonna disappear. That's a masculine man.

266
00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:57.800
You know, he's going to make decisions instead of referring everything to you

267
00:21:57.800 --> 00:22:06.400
all the time. Now that doesn't mean he's not going to want your input. Ladies, you

268
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:13.360
want to have a man that is going to seek your input. That's how healthy

269
00:22:13.360 --> 00:22:17.200
relationship works. I mean, if my husband goes and makes a

270
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:26.320
decision without consulting me, it can cause some friction because we have

271
00:22:26.320 --> 00:22:33.900
different gifts and God uses us differently. And so sometimes I'm like,

272
00:22:33.900 --> 00:22:39.280
hey honey, like I see that that's like a really good idea. Let's tweak it this way.

273
00:22:39.280 --> 00:22:51.400
This will make it even better. And so you want someone that's going to be open

274
00:22:51.400 --> 00:22:58.080
to hearing what your thoughts and considerations are. But at the end of the

275
00:22:58.080 --> 00:23:04.200
day, like that man is going to be a majority of the time the decision maker.

276
00:23:04.280 --> 00:23:14.440
But it does not, again, it does not mean your input doesn't matter. Okay, so again,

277
00:23:14.440 --> 00:23:18.200
we can we can talk about that, that balance, what that looks like. So what

278
00:23:18.200 --> 00:23:23.520
it's not, it's not passive behavior. It's not every time he's like, whatever you

279
00:23:23.520 --> 00:23:26.440
want to do, whatever you want to do, I don't care, whatever you want to do. It's

280
00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:31.880
not like passive like, oh well, that's not what you're looking for. Okay, because

281
00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:37.280
in marriage, that's going to get really conflicting. Okay, it might feel safe

282
00:23:37.280 --> 00:23:42.920
and loving early on in those dating stages. Oh, he really just cares and just

283
00:23:42.920 --> 00:23:48.040
wants me to decide and you know, it's really important to him. Yeah, that's

284
00:23:48.040 --> 00:23:52.240
going to feel good for a while until you're in a marriage and things are like,

285
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:59.640
you really do need that masculine energy, that dominance, that protective

286
00:23:59.640 --> 00:24:06.840
provider to step in and just make the decision. You know, one thing that men

287
00:24:06.840 --> 00:24:12.760
are really good, like women are, men are emotional, but not to the extent that

288
00:24:12.760 --> 00:24:17.400
women are, I think. And that's always a good thing. Like, that's why I love that

289
00:24:17.400 --> 00:24:22.080
my husband will be the decision maker because y'all, I'm a fairly highly

290
00:24:22.080 --> 00:24:29.280
emotional person. I'm very aware of that and there are times that it's probably

291
00:24:29.280 --> 00:24:34.560
not a good idea, depending on where I'm at emotionally, to make the decision. I

292
00:24:34.560 --> 00:24:39.520
mean, I'm a pretty smart cookie. Like, I really, I'm like, when I get there, I'm a

293
00:24:39.520 --> 00:24:45.640
very rational, logical person, but if I'm, if I've got some emotion behind there and

294
00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:50.800
it's intense and it needs to be, there needs to be a decision quick, I'm not the

295
00:24:50.800 --> 00:24:56.000
one to make it. Now, it doesn't always mean like, I come

296
00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:02.000
back and say, hey honey, now that I'm not emotional,

297
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:09.000
Next time, can we do it this way? Or here's my input. Or in the future, this is what this

298
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:17.240
can look like. Okay, so that's masculine. Let's move on for time here. Mature. This

299
00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:23.920
is about emotional and life stability. Okay, like he's going to take responsibility for

300
00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:30.240
his life and his choices. Okay, it doesn't mean that he's not going to have life choices

301
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:39.280
that were not very mature, but he's going to take responsibility and own the fact there

302
00:25:39.280 --> 00:25:45.680
may be things that he didn't do well, and he's going to learn and grow from them. That's

303
00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:54.880
maturity. He's going to communicate respectfully, directly, and then someone who's going to

304
00:25:54.880 --> 00:26:02.280
handle challenges without drama, and someone who's going to handle challenges without avoiding

305
00:26:02.280 --> 00:26:10.520
them. Like walking into a relationship with someone that's like, oh, well, they're just

306
00:26:10.520 --> 00:26:15.800
easy, carefree, whatever, like nothing bothers them. Well, that's great if they're not getting

307
00:26:15.800 --> 00:26:23.360
emotionally charged and they can kind of separate that, but if it's an avoidance where they're

308
00:26:23.360 --> 00:26:32.040
ignoring things, that's not healthy either. That's not mature either. Like you want someone

309
00:26:32.040 --> 00:26:37.840
who's like going to handle the challenge but not avoid the challenge, but you also want

310
00:26:37.920 --> 00:26:44.120
someone who's not going to just make it very dramatic either and put a lot of the emotion.

311
00:26:44.120 --> 00:26:48.800
Us women have more than enough for that, or at least I guess I should speak for myself

312
00:26:48.800 --> 00:26:54.320
because some of you ladies might not, but I know myself, and I most certainly do.

313
00:26:54.320 --> 00:27:03.040
All right, so practically this is going to mean like there's a consistency and they're grounded.

314
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:08.560
They're not going to be reactive and chaotic. Now, again, that doesn't mean that they're not

315
00:27:08.560 --> 00:27:15.400
going to have their moments. Even us women in our health, we are allowed to have our moments too.

316
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:22.280
I need a lot of grace from my husband because sometimes I like to step into my very emotional

317
00:27:22.280 --> 00:27:28.480
side. All right, so if my husband is going to step into a very immature side, I'm going to

318
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:38.240
need to give him some grace. Some examples is if something is bothering him, he's going to

319
00:27:38.240 --> 00:27:45.920
talk about it instead of withdrawing. He's not going to avoid it. He's not going to ignore it.

320
00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:55.760
He's going to own his past without blaming other people for it, especially like exes.

321
00:27:55.760 --> 00:28:01.280
So ladies, when those men want to open those ex files, and some of them will open

322
00:28:01.280 --> 00:28:06.800
them very, very quickly, if they're sitting there and talking about everything that their ex did

323
00:28:06.800 --> 00:28:16.640
wrong and what was wrong with their ex, be mindful of that. That's kind of showing you that there

324
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:23.840
might not be that maturity there. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's absent, but we want

325
00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:37.040
to be watching for consistency. Are they going to be open and willing to navigate that? Is that

326
00:28:37.040 --> 00:28:44.720
an area that they need to grow in? Then they're going to keep their commitments. He's going to

327
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:48.000
call when he says he's going to call. He's going to show up when he says he's going to show up.

328
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:51.520
That doesn't mean that there are not times where things come up.

329
00:28:53.440 --> 00:29:02.240
So ladies, sometimes there can be a one or two off, but if it's consistently happening,

330
00:29:02.240 --> 00:29:07.520
especially within the first couple of weeks, and it's happening frequently,

331
00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:16.240
that's an immature thing. They're not being consistent to keeping their commitment.

332
00:29:17.040 --> 00:29:22.800
Okay? If a man is going to ghost you and breadcrumb you and play games,

333
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:30.160
that's not maturity. That's immaturity. Blaming others for their circumstances,

334
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:34.960
that's immaturity, and avoiding serious conversations is also immaturity.

335
00:29:35.680 --> 00:29:44.640
Okay? Now marriage-minded. This is someone who is intentional about alignment around commitment.

336
00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:51.360
Okay? So they want to be in a committed relationship that leads somewhere.

337
00:29:51.360 --> 00:29:59.760
Okay? And again, these are not things that you might find out right away. Okay?

338
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.660
And you're not going to like interrogate them. Okay.

339
00:30:03.660 --> 00:30:06.300
Cause some, some men like they want that,

340
00:30:06.300 --> 00:30:10.320
but they've also had women where women will push themselves on that.

341
00:30:10.320 --> 00:30:14.860
And that can get a little like intimidating. Like guys just want to,

342
00:30:14.860 --> 00:30:17.700
like, it's not that they're not wanting marriage.

343
00:30:17.700 --> 00:30:20.780
It's just that they want to make sure that they're making a wise decision,

344
00:30:21.460 --> 00:30:25.580
especially a man that is like values

345
00:30:26.520 --> 00:30:28.120
the covenant of marriage.

346
00:30:28.560 --> 00:30:33.560
Like I would hope that they're not going to want to jump into that marriage

347
00:30:34.220 --> 00:30:35.760
conversation right away

348
00:30:38.040 --> 00:30:41.040
because God forbid,

349
00:30:43.040 --> 00:30:46.080
they don't think about that very well. And then they get in a, you know,

350
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:51.080
in a relationship and then, Oh, that's not who God has aligned for them.

351
00:30:51.420 --> 00:30:51.780
I mean,

352
00:30:51.780 --> 00:30:56.260
I want someone who is intentionally aligning with the Lord

353
00:30:57.740 --> 00:31:01.740
about that, that,

354
00:31:01.760 --> 00:31:06.760
that covenant they're going to date with a purpose and it's just not for

355
00:31:07.260 --> 00:31:10.500
entertainment. Okay.

356
00:31:10.820 --> 00:31:15.260
That doesn't mean that dates are not entertaining. Ladies,

357
00:31:15.260 --> 00:31:17.140
you want to have fun on your dates.

358
00:31:17.860 --> 00:31:20.140
You're going to want to have fun in your marriage.

359
00:31:20.560 --> 00:31:23.720
So have fun. All right.

360
00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:27.160
Let men are going to be adventurous. They're going to want to have fun.

361
00:31:27.240 --> 00:31:31.320
So let them, let them do the fun things too. Okay.

362
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:37.360
But they're not like, Oh, it's okay.

363
00:31:37.360 --> 00:31:38.200
Whatever. You know,

364
00:31:38.200 --> 00:31:43.200
like you are going to want them to like be looking to get to know you more that

365
00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:49.120
there's a purpose. Like they really do want to learn more about you.

366
00:31:50.020 --> 00:31:53.420
And again, first date, they may not ask a lot of questions about you,

367
00:31:53.980 --> 00:31:56.060
because they might not know what that looks like.

368
00:31:56.100 --> 00:32:00.100
That may never have been modeled to them. So again,

369
00:32:00.100 --> 00:32:03.060
we want to give some grace here. Okay.

370
00:32:03.340 --> 00:32:06.540
But we're going to look over consistency and time.

371
00:32:06.660 --> 00:32:11.660
What is this showing up as they're open to building a future ladies,

372
00:32:12.140 --> 00:32:14.860
men that don't have goals about the future.

373
00:32:15.320 --> 00:32:17.440
They're probably not thinking about marriage.

374
00:32:19.040 --> 00:32:24.040
If they don't have, I mean, I'm saying like not every marriage minded man is

375
00:32:24.520 --> 00:32:28.680
going to come and say, Oh, I want, I want to have a wife and kids.

376
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:31.560
They might have like,

377
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:36.920
I want to move up in the company or I want to start my own business someday.

378
00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:40.400
And this is what I want to do.

379
00:32:40.700 --> 00:32:45.540
Like they're thinking ahead of where they want to be.

380
00:32:45.860 --> 00:32:48.660
What is going to motivate them,

381
00:32:49.460 --> 00:32:53.620
drive them to continue to provide, protect,

382
00:32:53.620 --> 00:32:58.260
to move forward. There's gotta be some motivation,

383
00:32:58.260 --> 00:33:02.620
some drive there. Okay. So he's not big,

384
00:33:02.660 --> 00:33:07.060
like it's, he's not just figuring it out indefinitely.

385
00:33:07.060 --> 00:33:09.160
Like he really does have a plan.

386
00:33:09.600 --> 00:33:14.600
Like there is a reason and a desire in his heart to work hard.

387
00:33:19.280 --> 00:33:23.640
So he's going to express that he wants a serious relationship at some point,

388
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:27.760
probably pretty early on. Okay.

389
00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:33.480
Like if you've been dating someone for several months and they have not alluded

390
00:33:33.480 --> 00:33:37.140
to a serious committed relationship,

391
00:33:38.340 --> 00:33:42.020
that might be an indicator that they're just not marriage minded.

392
00:33:43.380 --> 00:33:48.380
He's going to ask meaningful questions about what your goals are,

393
00:33:48.700 --> 00:33:53.700
what things you value and over time.

394
00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:57.660
Okay. Not right away. Like some of us ladies like,

395
00:33:59.220 --> 00:34:01.660
all right, over time, he's going to want,

396
00:34:02.280 --> 00:34:06.000
you're going to see that move towards exclusivity and commitment.

397
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:10.639
Okay. Now I want to also kind of share too,

398
00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:15.639
ladies is that we do have some of those men that will portray that and they'll

399
00:34:16.560 --> 00:34:21.199
be very quick to that. You gotta be careful with that too. Again,

400
00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:22.320
it's always about balance.

401
00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:27.320
That's why we sit in a place of God defendedness and protection because

402
00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:36.719
God will allow us to see things over time.

403
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:42.040
It's okay to not rush into things.

404
00:34:43.560 --> 00:34:48.239
It's also okay not to just be hesitant all the time.

405
00:34:48.679 --> 00:34:53.560
It's a balance. And so if you're someone that quickly rushes into things,

406
00:34:53.800 --> 00:34:56.800
we're going to ask you to like sit on it for a minute.

407
00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:00.040
Now, if you're someone that's like avoidant,

408
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.520
Like, nope, nope, nope, you're going to always just kind of push away.

409
00:35:04.280 --> 00:35:07.960
We're going to probably say, hey, we're going to ask you to kind of sometimes

410
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:12.040
step out of that comfort zone and move a little toward that direction.

411
00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:14.680
All right.

412
00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:18.520
Those, and Catherine, I just happened to see your question pop up.

413
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:23.440
If they rush you into those serious conversations, and again, that doesn't

414
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:29.480
mean that they're a bad person or that they're like rushing you so much.

415
00:35:30.080 --> 00:35:39.120
It may mean that they just don't know any better and there's ways for us to

416
00:35:39.200 --> 00:35:40.600
slow the pacing down.

417
00:35:41.800 --> 00:35:44.480
Hey, that is a really good question.

418
00:35:44.720 --> 00:35:46.400
I'm really glad that you asked that.

419
00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:47.680
It's really important.

420
00:35:48.560 --> 00:35:57.920
Would it be okay if we dove into that question into more detail when we are,

421
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:01.680
once we've gotten to know each other a little longer, once we've been on a date

422
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:02.080
or two?

423
00:36:03.680 --> 00:36:05.600
Because I do think that's a really important question.

424
00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:10.560
I think it will be really good once we've seen like how we interact with each

425
00:36:10.560 --> 00:36:13.440
other, like on the here and now.

426
00:36:15.720 --> 00:36:19.760
We're not rushing to those serious conversations.

427
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:26.200
You're not dumping all of your past stuff on them with a complete stranger

428
00:36:26.640 --> 00:36:29.160
because you don't know what they're going to do with that information.

429
00:36:31.160 --> 00:36:38.560
But, ladies that are a little avoidant, you are going to have to be open over

430
00:36:38.560 --> 00:36:41.080
time to giving them a little something.

431
00:36:41.080 --> 00:36:46.480
You can't always be closed off because men that want marriage-minded

432
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:50.520
relationships, they want a woman that's going to invite them in.

433
00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:54.000
A healthy man is not just going to barge into a house.

434
00:36:55.560 --> 00:37:00.080
He's not like one of those rude salesmen that come and bang it on your door

435
00:37:00.080 --> 00:37:01.440
trying to get their foot in.

436
00:37:02.080 --> 00:37:07.160
They're legit going to wait to be invited in.

437
00:37:07.160 --> 00:37:11.440
And if you're closed off and you're just sitting there talking to them through

438
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:16.160
your peephole or through your ring app, you're looking at their face and they

439
00:37:16.160 --> 00:37:19.080
can't see you, but they can hear your voice, they're going to be like,

440
00:37:19.120 --> 00:37:20.640
the door is going to have to open.

441
00:37:21.000 --> 00:37:24.600
You're not going to say, oh, here, come into my kitchen, make yourself a meal.

442
00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:27.120
Why don't you go ahead and take a nap in my bed?

443
00:37:27.120 --> 00:37:29.760
No, we're not doing that either.

444
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:35.960
It might be, oh, would you like to step in for a moment?

445
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:42.720
And it's in the entryway, like there or in the sitting room.

446
00:37:42.720 --> 00:37:45.120
Would you like some coffee?

447
00:37:45.560 --> 00:37:47.560
There's going to be an invitation.

448
00:37:47.560 --> 00:37:49.400
There's going to be something there.

449
00:37:49.480 --> 00:37:50.000
Okay.

450
00:37:51.680 --> 00:37:52.480
All right.

451
00:37:53.240 --> 00:37:54.280
Sound good.

452
00:37:55.280 --> 00:37:58.920
I think I've covered, oh, I don't think I said what it's not.

453
00:37:59.600 --> 00:38:04.680
What it's not is, it's not a, hey, let's just see where this goes.

454
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:07.760
It's not a, hey, let's just see where this goes.

455
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:10.160
It's not a, hey, let's just see where this goes.

456
00:38:10.520 --> 00:38:14.560
I mean, in the beginning, yeah, that first, first and second date.

457
00:38:14.560 --> 00:38:14.920
Yeah.

458
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:17.880
Like a guy might just say, like, see where this goes because

459
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:18.920
they're trying to get to know you.

460
00:38:19.320 --> 00:38:24.320
My husband asked me, even before we met on our first date, he came from Texas

461
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:26.840
to Florida where I was at, oh, I'm busy.

462
00:38:26.920 --> 00:38:28.120
Am I going to see you more than once?

463
00:38:28.120 --> 00:38:34.680
And I was like, uh, well, let's, let's go on a first date first and see if we get

464
00:38:35.040 --> 00:38:38.600
like, I don't know if like, I w I didn't know if I was going to like him.

465
00:38:38.600 --> 00:38:39.840
Like, what if he was weird?

466
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:40.560
I don't know.

467
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:44.640
Um, or what if he didn't look, you know, like I was just like, no.

468
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.040
Um, and, and it's funny cause he's, he even said, he's like, when I said that

469
00:38:49.040 --> 00:38:53.520
to him, in his mind, he was like, oh, she's right.

470
00:38:53.560 --> 00:38:54.640
What if she's crazy?

471
00:38:55.320 --> 00:38:57.920
Like, he was like, wow.

472
00:38:57.960 --> 00:39:00.760
Like, and, and so we talked to, like, we, we joked about it.

473
00:39:01.120 --> 00:39:02.360
He was like, wow.

474
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:06.200
Like, and, and so we talked to, like, we, we joke about that where it's like, well,

475
00:39:06.240 --> 00:39:10.560
yeah, like you don't want to overcommit to someone that you really

476
00:39:10.560 --> 00:39:12.640
don't quite know right away.

477
00:39:12.640 --> 00:39:18.560
So, you know, it might be a, oh, let's just see where this goes after, like before

478
00:39:18.560 --> 00:39:25.760
meeting or after first date, but it's not going to be like, you've been dating this

479
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:28.640
guy now for like, you've gone on three, four dates.

480
00:39:29.040 --> 00:39:33.440
You might've been dating for a month or two and they're like, yeah, let's just

481
00:39:33.440 --> 00:39:34.680
still see what happens.

482
00:39:35.720 --> 00:39:38.560
And you're like, okay, well we've been on eight dates.

483
00:39:39.520 --> 00:39:44.360
Um, I'm not quite sure what you mean by let's see where this, like,

484
00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:45.360
what do you mean by that?

485
00:39:45.640 --> 00:39:46.000
Okay.

486
00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:47.280
So that's not what that is.

487
00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:48.320
That's not marriage minded.

488
00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:53.760
Um, it's a marriage minded man is not going to avoid labels in future

489
00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:54.560
conversations.

490
00:39:54.600 --> 00:39:55.120
Okay.

491
00:39:55.640 --> 00:39:59.280
If a man has avoided future conversations and doesn't want to have those labels

492
00:39:59.280 --> 00:39:59.680
again.

493
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.920
You're not asking for those labels on date one, two, three.

494
00:40:04.080 --> 00:40:07.800
Okay. Like we're not, we're not doing that. Okay.

495
00:40:08.560 --> 00:40:13.200
Now some men will want to make it exclusive because

496
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:17.040
they themselves have some stuff that they've got to work on

497
00:40:18.600 --> 00:40:21.240
because they're trying to rush into something. Okay.

498
00:40:21.240 --> 00:40:22.960
It doesn't mean that they're a bad thing. Y'all. My,

499
00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:26.920
my husband obviously was like, can I see you see you a handful of times?

500
00:40:27.640 --> 00:40:31.520
My husband was very much like, Hey, I'm not messing around.

501
00:40:32.200 --> 00:40:36.320
Like I want to be exclusive. And I, and he's like,

502
00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:40.920
is that going to be okay with you? And I was like, uh,

503
00:40:43.080 --> 00:40:46.600
I'm open to that, but can we get to know each other a little better?

504
00:40:46.840 --> 00:40:50.000
And he was respectful of that boundary. He didn't push.

505
00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:55.160
He didn't keep at it. He was very clear and direct. Like, look, I,

506
00:40:55.200 --> 00:40:58.680
I'm dating because I know I want to get married someday.

507
00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:03.000
And y'all, he said that, I think, I don't even think we've gone on a first date.

508
00:41:03.000 --> 00:41:06.600
I think he like was very clear to me about that in the very beginning.

509
00:41:07.480 --> 00:41:12.480
And I was like, okay, cool. Um, I was still like,

510
00:41:12.520 --> 00:41:16.680
okay, well let's get to know each other. Okay.

511
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:20.560
But I knew that if he was going to continue to be intentional with me

512
00:41:21.480 --> 00:41:24.120
and show interest in me,

513
00:41:25.040 --> 00:41:28.320
I knew where his goal in goal was.

514
00:41:29.520 --> 00:41:31.600
His goal was for marriage,

515
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:36.960
but it didn't mean we had to rush into that decision. Does that make sense?

516
00:41:38.560 --> 00:41:43.560
Not pushing there. Okay. But it doesn't mean that a marriage, I was,

517
00:41:43.600 --> 00:41:46.880
I will say there are a handful of men that will,

518
00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:48.920
that there'll be very straightforward with you.

519
00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.280
You are going to have to learn to take that information

520
00:41:55.360 --> 00:42:00.360
and discern how that makes you respond.

521
00:42:02.320 --> 00:42:07.120
If that's going to build an anxiousness in you or an eagerness in you,

522
00:42:07.160 --> 00:42:08.640
that's going to be unhealthy.

523
00:42:09.560 --> 00:42:14.040
You're going to want help guiding that.

524
00:42:14.240 --> 00:42:17.080
We're going to want to look at that together.

525
00:42:17.480 --> 00:42:19.800
You're going to want to spend time with the Lord with that.

526
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:22.600
That's what us coaches are going to be here for. Okay.

527
00:42:24.240 --> 00:42:26.520
I was always a person that rushed into things.

528
00:42:26.840 --> 00:42:29.720
So by the time I got to Jackie and heartwork, I was like,

529
00:42:30.080 --> 00:42:34.040
I'm not rushing into anything. Like I knew, like I was like,

530
00:42:34.720 --> 00:42:39.080
I was like, I'm not, I'm not kissing anybody until that's exclusive.

531
00:42:39.080 --> 00:42:41.880
I was letting the man lead the conversation.

532
00:42:42.160 --> 00:42:45.640
And if he led the conversation, I needed to have a piece about, like,

533
00:42:45.920 --> 00:42:48.480
I was like, I'm going to make sure. And I was like,

534
00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:52.560
you best believe I'm going to my, my community here.

535
00:42:52.560 --> 00:42:56.320
I'm going to Jackie and all the ladies. I'm like, okay, here's the situation.

536
00:42:56.320 --> 00:42:59.760
This is what's going on. You know, am I like,

537
00:42:59.880 --> 00:43:04.160
do I have any blind spots, ladies? Like, let me have it. All right.

538
00:43:04.560 --> 00:43:07.760
And there were times Jackie pulled band-aids off and I was like, dang you,

539
00:43:08.360 --> 00:43:12.120
why are you doing that to me right now? Um, but it was good.

540
00:43:12.160 --> 00:43:16.560
It was really, really helpful. Okay. So, um,

541
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:19.760
how are we on all that information? Good.

542
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:23.680
All right. If we need to,

543
00:43:23.680 --> 00:43:28.680
I can even just kind of go into like some early indicators,

544
00:43:29.040 --> 00:43:31.360
what you might see after a first date.

545
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:34.880
But I feel like I kind of talked a little bit about that already.

546
00:43:35.160 --> 00:43:36.800
Like as I was talking through that,

547
00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:40.880
but if you still have more questions, just definitely let me know. Um,

548
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:45.960
what I want is like, what I really want to emphasize with you ladies is

549
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:49.960
you, you can't often,

550
00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:54.960
like you're going to be able to see hints and spot possibilities of the three M's

551
00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:58.200
in there in those early stages,

552
00:43:59.080 --> 00:44:04.080
but you're not going to be able to confirm until you see that consistency over

553
00:44:04.280 --> 00:44:07.480
time. Okay. Um,

554
00:44:08.120 --> 00:44:10.560
it's really about a filtering process,

555
00:44:11.600 --> 00:44:13.520
not a just a one-time test.

556
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:18.920
Like there's going to be a, like take it through the filter. All right.

557
00:44:18.920 --> 00:44:23.880
Cause again, these men are human. Okay. They're human beings.

558
00:44:23.880 --> 00:44:28.320
They have, they, they have flaws. They send just like we do.

559
00:44:28.760 --> 00:44:32.400
All right. They got yellow flags.

560
00:44:33.320 --> 00:44:34.160
All right.

561
00:44:34.160 --> 00:44:39.160
So I just want you to understand it's about timing.

562
00:44:40.720 --> 00:44:45.520
Like look at it this way. Like before a date you're screening,

563
00:44:46.680 --> 00:44:49.960
are there any red flags? Okay.

564
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:55.160
And again, some of you ladies, you're going to want to come here and say, Hey,

565
00:44:56.120 --> 00:44:57.880
I think this is a red flag. Is it a red flag?

566
00:44:58.720 --> 00:45:00.040
Cause a lot of times there's ladies like,

567
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:00.840
Oh, this is a red flag.

568
00:45:00.840 --> 00:45:02.560
And I'm like, that's not a red flag.

569
00:45:02.560 --> 00:45:04.880
That's a yellow flag, but that's not a red flag.

570
00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:06.120
And then some of you ladies are like,

571
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:08.200
oh, this is a yellow flag.

572
00:45:08.200 --> 00:45:10.480
And I'm like, no, honey, that's a red flag.

573
00:45:11.840 --> 00:45:14.680
Okay, so that's what we're here for to help you with.

574
00:45:14.680 --> 00:45:17.400
So that before getting in-person date,

575
00:45:17.400 --> 00:45:18.800
you're doing some screening.

576
00:45:19.720 --> 00:45:22.440
Then like those first one to three dates,

577
00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:24.680
this is where you're taking a sample.

578
00:45:24.680 --> 00:45:27.400
Okay, you're walking around Costco.

579
00:45:27.400 --> 00:45:29.720
You're taking a sample.

580
00:45:29.760 --> 00:45:31.560
All right, you ladies that go to Costco

581
00:45:31.560 --> 00:45:33.040
know what I'm talking about.

582
00:45:33.880 --> 00:45:36.880
As Susan was smiling, she knows what I'm talking about.

583
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:39.920
A kid knows what I'm talking about.

584
00:45:39.920 --> 00:45:42.440
I don't ever typically take my kids grocery shopping.

585
00:45:42.440 --> 00:45:43.760
And if I do, and they go to Costco,

586
00:45:43.760 --> 00:45:45.440
like that's all they want are the samples.

587
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:46.760
And I'm like one of those people, I'm like,

588
00:45:46.760 --> 00:45:49.320
I don't want the samples.

589
00:45:49.320 --> 00:45:50.400
Just get me in and get me out

590
00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:54.160
because it is crowded in Costco.

591
00:45:54.160 --> 00:45:58.320
But the first one to three dates, you're sampling, okay?

592
00:45:59.240 --> 00:46:01.920
My, that sort of tastes good.

593
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:05.640
I might come back tomorrow

594
00:46:05.640 --> 00:46:06.960
and hopefully you're still out here

595
00:46:06.960 --> 00:46:09.560
and I might take another little sample of that.

596
00:46:09.560 --> 00:46:11.120
I'm not sure yet.

597
00:46:11.120 --> 00:46:14.240
Depends on what I've got going on in my day.

598
00:46:14.240 --> 00:46:17.160
All right, you're just saying,

599
00:46:17.160 --> 00:46:20.600
do I see any signs of the 3M's?

600
00:46:21.720 --> 00:46:23.680
Okay, that's your sampling.

601
00:46:23.680 --> 00:46:25.880
Are there signs?

602
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:29.680
Then over time, after those three dates,

603
00:46:29.680 --> 00:46:31.760
you are getting confirmation.

604
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:33.240
Like this is real.

605
00:46:33.240 --> 00:46:36.160
This man is mature and it's showing up consistently.

606
00:46:36.160 --> 00:46:40.360
This man is masculine and it's showing up consistently.

607
00:46:40.360 --> 00:46:41.520
He is marriage-minded

608
00:46:41.520 --> 00:46:43.640
and this is how it's showing up consistently.

609
00:46:43.640 --> 00:46:47.640
After that sampling process, okay?

610
00:46:47.640 --> 00:46:51.680
That first, you know, three dates or so,

611
00:46:51.680 --> 00:46:56.680
that first month, now you're looking for consistency, okay?

612
00:46:58.720 --> 00:47:00.120
Does that make sense?

613
00:47:02.560 --> 00:47:04.240
Yeah, sort of.

614
00:47:04.240 --> 00:47:06.600
I don't have very many ladies on the video

615
00:47:06.600 --> 00:47:10.160
so I can't see all your reactions, okay?

616
00:47:11.200 --> 00:47:13.160
So I want you ladies looking for,

617
00:47:13.160 --> 00:47:17.840
is he demonstrating the 3M's, okay?

618
00:47:18.200 --> 00:47:19.040
Okay.

619
00:47:21.000 --> 00:47:25.360
Any questions about our content?

620
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.360
And then we can jump into questions overall.

621
00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:33.840
I'm gonna scroll through our chat here.

622
00:47:37.600 --> 00:47:38.680
Got it, got it.

623
00:47:38.680 --> 00:47:40.520
Awesome, awesome.

624
00:47:42.200 --> 00:47:43.040
I love it.

625
00:47:43.040 --> 00:47:44.640
Y'all are speaking German.

626
00:47:44.720 --> 00:47:49.720
So yes, Karen, a man of God is, yes, gonna have the three,

627
00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:54.960
a man that has the 3M's is gonna be a man of God, okay?

628
00:47:54.960 --> 00:47:58.400
Yes, so, and that is what we are looking for.

629
00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:00.080
I mean, obviously, ladies,

630
00:48:00.080 --> 00:48:04.480
like you are looking for someone who is in alignment, okay?

631
00:48:04.480 --> 00:48:07.720
A godly alignment, so 100%.

632
00:48:09.360 --> 00:48:14.360
So, yes, Karen, a man of God is gonna have the 3M's.

633
00:48:14.640 --> 00:48:17.680
So, okay, Laura, I see you need input.

634
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:22.360
You had thoughts on Sunday after your second date

635
00:48:23.520 --> 00:48:25.840
if you're attracted to him.

636
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:29.320
It might just be my finding an excuse to push him away

637
00:48:30.400 --> 00:48:32.800
because he hasn't demonstrated any red flags.

638
00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:34.920
He's sweet, kind, and respectful.

639
00:48:34.920 --> 00:48:39.400
Okay, and Laura, was this something you posted?

640
00:48:39.400 --> 00:48:42.800
Because I have not, I've had my family in town,

641
00:48:42.800 --> 00:48:46.240
so I have not been in the app for the last day or two.

642
00:48:46.240 --> 00:48:48.040
And so I don't know if maybe,

643
00:48:48.040 --> 00:48:50.520
have you gotten any feedback from Ebony yet?

644
00:48:50.520 --> 00:48:52.560
Or tell me about that.

645
00:48:52.560 --> 00:48:54.200
I did post a few days ago,

646
00:48:54.200 --> 00:48:56.880
but I haven't had a chance to go back and look.

647
00:48:57.960 --> 00:49:00.720
But after her Sunday, like I was like,

648
00:49:00.720 --> 00:49:03.520
oh yeah, I think I'm gonna like not see him anymore.

649
00:49:03.520 --> 00:49:06.720
But like I connected with some of my other girlfriends

650
00:49:06.720 --> 00:49:10.160
like in the program and yeah,

651
00:49:10.160 --> 00:49:11.320
and then I had a good conversation

652
00:49:11.320 --> 00:49:13.040
with my therapist about it yesterday too.

653
00:49:13.040 --> 00:49:17.080
And just thinking that it might be

654
00:49:17.080 --> 00:49:21.440
because of my fear of like trusting somebody.

655
00:49:21.440 --> 00:49:24.320
And cause like he hasn't demonstrated

656
00:49:24.320 --> 00:49:26.440
like any red flags at all.

657
00:49:26.440 --> 00:49:29.200
So what about him are you not attracted to?

658
00:49:29.200 --> 00:49:30.920
And like, and then share with like,

659
00:49:30.920 --> 00:49:34.520
let's share about what are the fears of not trusting?

660
00:49:34.520 --> 00:49:36.280
Like, what are you recognizing?

661
00:49:36.280 --> 00:49:38.800
And it's kind of like giving you thoughts like,

662
00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:40.400
oh, I don't know.

663
00:49:40.440 --> 00:49:42.040
Like, tell me a little more.

664
00:49:44.840 --> 00:49:46.560
What is not attractive about him?

665
00:49:50.840 --> 00:49:52.920
Well, I mean, he is a handsome man.

666
00:49:52.920 --> 00:49:54.960
It's just that he has like this gap

667
00:49:54.960 --> 00:49:57.320
in his like two front teeth,

668
00:49:57.320 --> 00:49:59.000
either on the bottom or the top, I can't remember.

669
00:49:59.000 --> 00:49:59.840
But.

670
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.740
kind of bothers me or whatever.

671
00:50:01.740 --> 00:50:04.000
But I'm like, it is what it is.

672
00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:04.840
But,

673
00:50:07.400 --> 00:50:08.960
and then like,

674
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:11.220
he does have like a slight receding hairline

675
00:50:11.220 --> 00:50:13.060
or I don't know.

676
00:50:13.060 --> 00:50:15.800
But he does like have a beard that I really like

677
00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:16.640
and whatever.

678
00:50:16.640 --> 00:50:20.360
And so, and has like an amazing smile.

679
00:50:21.280 --> 00:50:22.120
And,

680
00:50:25.440 --> 00:50:27.440
but other than that,

681
00:50:28.080 --> 00:50:30.080
I feel like very comfortable around him.

682
00:50:30.080 --> 00:50:32.800
Cause like, he is someone that like,

683
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:34.000
is a part of my Rotary Club.

684
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:37.120
And so like, I've known him for a while.

685
00:50:37.120 --> 00:50:38.120
I just,

686
00:50:39.240 --> 00:50:40.600
I knew that he was divorced.

687
00:50:40.600 --> 00:50:42.800
And so like, I asked like,

688
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:44.480
another man from my Rotary Club,

689
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:46.000
who's married to like,

690
00:50:46.920 --> 00:50:48.960
who's friends with Wade.

691
00:50:48.960 --> 00:50:51.480
To know like, if he was like dating or whatever.

692
00:50:51.480 --> 00:50:54.520
And when I like brought it up to like this other guy, Greg,

693
00:50:54.520 --> 00:50:56.680
like his face just lit up and he's like,

694
00:50:56.760 --> 00:50:57.600
oh my gosh, Laura,

695
00:50:57.600 --> 00:50:58.840
I'm gonna reach out to him to like tomorrow

696
00:50:58.840 --> 00:50:59.680
so he can call you.

697
00:50:59.680 --> 00:51:01.120
And he actually did or whatever.

698
00:51:01.120 --> 00:51:02.880
And I mean, it's been great.

699
00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:03.720
We had like,

700
00:51:03.720 --> 00:51:06.440
like our first date like lasted for like three hours

701
00:51:06.440 --> 00:51:08.680
and like the three hours like just flew by

702
00:51:08.680 --> 00:51:11.320
and we had like amazing conversation.

703
00:51:11.320 --> 00:51:14.520
And then even our date on Sunday for lunch,

704
00:51:15.920 --> 00:51:17.600
I had set an alarm on my phone

705
00:51:17.600 --> 00:51:19.960
cause I had like some stuff to do like in the afternoon,

706
00:51:19.960 --> 00:51:20.920
but my phone was in my purse.

707
00:51:20.920 --> 00:51:22.240
So I didn't even hear the alarm go off.

708
00:51:22.240 --> 00:51:24.200
But two hours like flew by

709
00:51:24.200 --> 00:51:26.120
and we have like amazing conversation

710
00:51:26.120 --> 00:51:27.720
and just like everything flows.

711
00:51:27.720 --> 00:51:29.280
And it was kind of weird

712
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:30.560
cause we went to this restaurant

713
00:51:30.560 --> 00:51:32.800
that like, I guess he goes to quite a bit.

714
00:51:32.800 --> 00:51:35.720
And I know the owner of the restaurant

715
00:51:35.720 --> 00:51:37.280
and cause he used to own like this other

716
00:51:37.280 --> 00:51:38.480
like bagel shop in town.

717
00:51:38.480 --> 00:51:40.520
And so like, I was asking him about that

718
00:51:40.520 --> 00:51:41.880
when we first got there.

719
00:51:41.880 --> 00:51:44.640
And then it was funny cause then he was like

720
00:51:44.640 --> 00:51:45.920
preparing our salads.

721
00:51:45.920 --> 00:51:47.920
And then he asked, he's like,

722
00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:52.920
oh, so is this like your wife or your significant other?

723
00:51:53.000 --> 00:51:54.520
And I was like, no.

724
00:51:54.840 --> 00:51:57.360
I was all like, but I was like,

725
00:51:57.360 --> 00:52:01.720
I didn't say that I was his friend or whatever,

726
00:52:01.720 --> 00:52:04.360
but it was just kind of comical, but it was fun.

727
00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:06.480
Was Wade right there when he said that?

728
00:52:06.480 --> 00:52:09.080
Yeah, like he heard the guy ask us.

729
00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:11.320
What did Wade say?

730
00:52:12.720 --> 00:52:14.240
He just kind of chuckled too.

731
00:52:14.240 --> 00:52:15.880
Like he didn't really say anything,

732
00:52:15.880 --> 00:52:18.120
but my first reaction was like, no.

733
00:52:18.120 --> 00:52:20.120
So he handled it, like he handled it well.

734
00:52:20.120 --> 00:52:23.520
Like he handled like, he didn't get awkward about it.

735
00:52:23.840 --> 00:52:25.760
He wasn't upset about like me just like immediately saying

736
00:52:25.760 --> 00:52:27.480
no, cause I think like he was like,

737
00:52:27.480 --> 00:52:29.920
I'm surprised that the guy even said that too.

738
00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:32.240
So, but you know, whatever.

739
00:52:32.240 --> 00:52:36.120
Okay, so this came up in my head.

740
00:52:36.120 --> 00:52:39.960
So he's in your Rotary Club.

741
00:52:40.800 --> 00:52:42.240
You've been around him.

742
00:52:42.240 --> 00:52:44.400
You've recognized him.

743
00:52:44.400 --> 00:52:47.600
What drew him to you in the first place

744
00:52:47.600 --> 00:52:49.760
to talk to Greg about him?

745
00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:52.480
Cause there had to be something there.

746
00:52:54.320 --> 00:52:57.600
Cause he would just, like he owns his own business.

747
00:52:57.600 --> 00:53:00.480
He's an architect and has like a small firm,

748
00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:02.560
like in our town, it's like him.

749
00:53:02.560 --> 00:53:05.440
And he may have like one administrative assistant

750
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:06.280
or something, I don't know.

751
00:53:06.280 --> 00:53:09.480
But so he doesn't come to like every Rotary meeting

752
00:53:09.480 --> 00:53:10.800
and I'm like our secretary.

753
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:13.920
So I'm there like at the front table as people get there

754
00:53:13.920 --> 00:53:16.200
with like our treasurer and this other secretary

755
00:53:16.200 --> 00:53:17.040
that we're training.

756
00:53:17.040 --> 00:53:19.760
And so, but every time like Wade would come,

757
00:53:19.760 --> 00:53:21.880
he would have this big smile on his face

758
00:53:21.880 --> 00:53:24.000
and he would like chat with me before,

759
00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:25.800
like he went to his table to like sit down

760
00:53:25.800 --> 00:53:28.000
and meet like other people and whatever.

761
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:30.040
And so, yeah, that's what like attracted me to him.

762
00:53:30.040 --> 00:53:30.880
So there's some qualities.

763
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:34.520
Like his friendliness and like, yeah, like his big smile,

764
00:53:34.520 --> 00:53:36.160
like every time he saw me and stuff.

765
00:53:36.160 --> 00:53:40.240
So there are attractive qualities about him

766
00:53:40.240 --> 00:53:45.240
that invite you in to wanna know more about him.

767
00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:46.160
That's good.

768
00:53:46.160 --> 00:53:49.360
Oh yeah, and even yesterday, like at our meeting,

769
00:53:49.360 --> 00:53:50.800
one of my girlfriends, she came

770
00:53:50.800 --> 00:53:53.560
and she was just a guest of another member.

771
00:53:53.560 --> 00:53:57.160
And so like, and I was talking to her about him

772
00:53:57.160 --> 00:53:59.280
and I was like, as I was talking to her, I'm like,

773
00:53:59.280 --> 00:54:00.720
oh, well, he probably won't come today

774
00:54:00.720 --> 00:54:02.760
cause he doesn't come to like every Monday meeting

775
00:54:02.760 --> 00:54:05.520
cause he's like busy with his like office and whatever.

776
00:54:05.520 --> 00:54:08.600
And as I was talking to her, like, he was like,

777
00:54:08.600 --> 00:54:10.600
he showed up, he was like right behind.

778
00:54:11.680 --> 00:54:15.520
Well, especially, I'm interested to see Laura

779
00:54:15.520 --> 00:54:16.840
if he's gonna start coming more frequently.

780
00:54:16.840 --> 00:54:19.760
Laura, I think he came because he wanted to see you.

781
00:54:20.040 --> 00:54:25.040
I was just about to say, I want you to be paying attention.

782
00:54:25.400 --> 00:54:28.200
Is he gonna start frequently coming?

783
00:54:29.040 --> 00:54:30.920
Cause that will show an intentionality

784
00:54:30.920 --> 00:54:32.840
that shows a interest.

785
00:54:32.840 --> 00:54:36.600
Like he wants to get to know you more

786
00:54:36.600 --> 00:54:38.880
as if he's gonna just now start showing up.

787
00:54:38.880 --> 00:54:41.360
So now let's really, okay.

788
00:54:41.360 --> 00:54:44.120
So some of the things that are not,

789
00:54:44.120 --> 00:54:46.240
that you're not attracted to, the gap in the tooth,

790
00:54:46.240 --> 00:54:49.400
which, you know, there's Invisalign.

791
00:54:50.040 --> 00:54:51.000
We always fix that.

792
00:54:53.400 --> 00:54:54.720
Receding hairline.

793
00:54:56.480 --> 00:54:57.680
I mean, here's the thing.

794
00:54:59.600 --> 00:55:00.440
I mean.

795
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.120
Do we ever really know?

796
00:55:03.120 --> 00:55:05.400
I mean, if we were younger and dating somebody,

797
00:55:05.400 --> 00:55:08.000
would we know like 20 years from then

798
00:55:08.000 --> 00:55:10.280
if they were gonna get older,

799
00:55:10.280 --> 00:55:11.760
if they were gonna go bald?

800
00:55:13.120 --> 00:55:15.400
Well, I was even shocked with like our Rotary Club.

801
00:55:15.400 --> 00:55:17.680
Like I volunteered at one of our elementary schools,

802
00:55:17.680 --> 00:55:19.100
like in this first grade classroom.

803
00:55:19.100 --> 00:55:20.520
Like every other week I have a partner

804
00:55:20.520 --> 00:55:22.480
who goes like on the week that I don't go.

805
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:25.760
And this little girl, she asked me like a couple of weeks ago

806
00:55:25.760 --> 00:55:28.440
she's like, so whose grandma are you?

807
00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:29.740
And I was like horrified.

808
00:55:29.740 --> 00:55:32.340
I'm like, excuse me, like my kids aren't married,

809
00:55:32.340 --> 00:55:33.460
I don't have any grandkids.

810
00:55:33.460 --> 00:55:35.100
And like, I guess she thought that I was like

811
00:55:35.100 --> 00:55:36.740
one of the kids grandma in class.

812
00:55:36.740 --> 00:55:39.640
Cause like, I do have like a few gray hairs or whatever.

813
00:55:39.640 --> 00:55:41.900
I was like, excuse me, why?

814
00:55:45.900 --> 00:55:47.180
You know, I used to be like,

815
00:55:47.180 --> 00:55:48.900
oh, I don't want a man that's balding.

816
00:55:48.900 --> 00:55:51.800
Cause I had, my dad was, doesn't have all his hair.

817
00:55:52.780 --> 00:55:55.440
And then there was a time that like, I was like,

818
00:55:55.440 --> 00:55:57.060
well, especially as I got older,

819
00:55:57.060 --> 00:55:59.380
I'm like men that had no hair,

820
00:56:00.020 --> 00:56:00.860
but that had facial hair.

821
00:56:00.860 --> 00:56:03.460
I was like, I could probably date that.

822
00:56:04.340 --> 00:56:05.620
Like I could get, I mean,

823
00:56:05.620 --> 00:56:06.900
and I used to not like facial hair.

824
00:56:06.900 --> 00:56:08.620
Now, like I told my husband, I'm like, no,

825
00:56:08.620 --> 00:56:09.460
keep your facial hair.

826
00:56:09.460 --> 00:56:10.980
I love your facial hair.

827
00:56:10.980 --> 00:56:12.540
Like our preferences.

828
00:56:12.540 --> 00:56:14.540
Well, yeah, there was this guy that went to my church

829
00:56:14.540 --> 00:56:17.980
like years ago that like, I, he kind of like grew on me.

830
00:56:17.980 --> 00:56:20.660
And he, he does have like a huge,

831
00:56:20.660 --> 00:56:22.340
like receding hairline or whatever.

832
00:56:22.340 --> 00:56:25.260
But like, I was more interested like in his,

833
00:56:25.260 --> 00:56:28.540
like his character and his friendliness and his like,

834
00:56:29.260 --> 00:56:33.260
like his character, like really kind of like won over.

835
00:56:33.260 --> 00:56:36.540
So those are the things that will sustain a relationship

836
00:56:36.540 --> 00:56:38.620
are those qualities and characteristics.

837
00:56:38.620 --> 00:56:40.560
Now, if you were, if you told me,

838
00:56:40.560 --> 00:56:43.960
I'm not attracted to him because, you know,

839
00:56:43.960 --> 00:56:46.060
he's just always negative all the time.

840
00:56:46.060 --> 00:56:48.420
And like every time, like, you know,

841
00:56:48.420 --> 00:56:52.920
or something of like that show more of a character

842
00:56:52.920 --> 00:56:57.540
where maybe he's a pessimist or just negative or rude

843
00:56:57.580 --> 00:57:02.020
or something of that nature where you're like,

844
00:57:02.020 --> 00:57:03.700
I'm just not attracted to that.

845
00:57:03.700 --> 00:57:06.340
Or if maybe he's like, you know,

846
00:57:06.340 --> 00:57:09.660
really frugal or something like that, not generous with,

847
00:57:09.660 --> 00:57:13.460
you know, maybe he's just like, doesn't want to, you know,

848
00:57:13.460 --> 00:57:16.340
get, he doesn't give to charities or some whatever.

849
00:57:16.340 --> 00:57:21.000
Like if it was something like that, we could dive into that.

850
00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:23.340
But if it's the not being attracted

851
00:57:23.340 --> 00:57:25.300
is more of the looks thing.

852
00:57:25.300 --> 00:57:28.660
I do want, I want you to, like,

853
00:57:28.660 --> 00:57:31.340
this is where I will be like, it's a yes until it's a no.

854
00:57:31.340 --> 00:57:32.900
The no's are where-

855
00:57:32.900 --> 00:57:34.820
Yeah, that's what I've been thinking too.

856
00:57:34.820 --> 00:57:37.380
And like, so like, I was like kind of like

857
00:57:37.380 --> 00:57:39.380
that was going through my mind and,

858
00:57:40.580 --> 00:57:43.000
and yeah, like he's like on like every date,

859
00:57:43.000 --> 00:57:46.100
like he always pays for like everything, even like Sunday.

860
00:57:46.100 --> 00:57:48.660
Like I started to like pay for my salad

861
00:57:48.660 --> 00:57:51.540
cause I like ordered first and he's like, oh no, Laura,

862
00:57:51.540 --> 00:57:52.580
like I'm gonna take care of it.

863
00:57:52.580 --> 00:57:53.540
And I'm like, are you sure?

864
00:57:53.540 --> 00:57:55.060
And he's like, definitely or whatever.

865
00:57:55.820 --> 00:57:56.660
And I'm like, okay, whatever.

866
00:57:56.660 --> 00:57:58.500
And yeah, he's super generous.

867
00:57:58.500 --> 00:58:00.660
And the only thing that came up

868
00:58:00.660 --> 00:58:04.500
in our conversation on Sunday was he just briefly touched

869
00:58:04.500 --> 00:58:09.500
on like his ex wife being like argumentative or something,

870
00:58:10.580 --> 00:58:13.580
or, but like, he didn't really like dive into that.

871
00:58:13.580 --> 00:58:15.460
And then like conversation like shifted

872
00:58:15.460 --> 00:58:17.100
and like we moved on to something else.

873
00:58:17.100 --> 00:58:19.020
Yeah, like those are good things.

874
00:58:19.020 --> 00:58:21.460
Like, so ladies, like you will, you might hear things

875
00:58:21.460 --> 00:58:24.780
and I don't want you to say, oh, he's talking bad about her.

876
00:58:25.420 --> 00:58:30.420
Well, he shared how his ex wife is argumentative.

877
00:58:30.780 --> 00:58:33.380
You know what that signals to you?

878
00:58:33.380 --> 00:58:35.540
Now what you are kind of now gonna be,

879
00:58:36.740 --> 00:58:38.700
again, it's just something that you're like,

880
00:58:38.700 --> 00:58:41.140
okay, I'm gonna remember that.

881
00:58:41.140 --> 00:58:43.780
Cause now when you see him,

882
00:58:43.780 --> 00:58:45.980
if you continue to keep dating him

883
00:58:45.980 --> 00:58:48.860
and you see someone that gets argumentative with him,

884
00:58:48.860 --> 00:58:52.780
whether it's a salesperson or a waiter

885
00:58:52.820 --> 00:58:55.500
or maybe he has to take a phone call and some,

886
00:58:55.500 --> 00:58:58.780
what you're going to, you're gonna tune in

887
00:58:58.780 --> 00:59:00.460
and you're just gonna turn the volume up a little bit

888
00:59:00.460 --> 00:59:03.300
on your like senses of like, okay,

889
00:59:03.300 --> 00:59:05.900
how does he respond to someone who's argumentative?

890
00:59:07.060 --> 00:59:08.140
How does he show up?

891
00:59:09.420 --> 00:59:12.420
Does he hold himself together?

892
00:59:12.420 --> 00:59:16.380
Now I wouldn't say if one time you see

893
00:59:16.380 --> 00:59:21.380
like there's some heated argument and he reacts,

894
00:59:21.380 --> 00:59:25.340
okay, that was telling,

895
00:59:27.060 --> 00:59:29.500
but everything else is again, you're like, okay,

896
00:59:29.500 --> 00:59:31.380
but there's still a lot of really good qualities.

897
00:59:31.380 --> 00:59:34.340
I still really enjoy spending time with him.

898
00:59:34.340 --> 00:59:37.460
Let's say another argumentative thing comes up,

899
00:59:37.460 --> 00:59:42.460
but this time he's more calm, relaxed, mature about it.

900
00:59:43.540 --> 00:59:46.660
And then you start seeing that, okay?

901
00:59:46.660 --> 00:59:49.940
Or you see it happen like the calm response

902
00:59:49.940 --> 00:59:52.220
and then maybe there that one time it kind of sparks

903
00:59:52.220 --> 00:59:54.580
and here's a reactionary.

904
00:59:54.580 --> 00:59:58.220
Like if you are consistently seeing the calm,

905
00:59:58.220 --> 01:00:00.060
responsive, mature response.

906
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.160
like reaction. That's a good sign. He's human. He's allowed to have moments where you're just

907
01:00:08.160 --> 01:00:14.720
not going to deal with someone who's argumentative. You're allowed to see. So do you see, see ladies,

908
01:00:14.720 --> 01:00:23.040
how we're, we're, we're gauging that over time, but she's tuning in. Okay. Well, she says,

909
01:00:23.040 --> 01:00:28.320
he said that she's argumentative. I wonder what that looks like. And again, she's, she's not going

910
01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:33.840
to need, she's not, she didn't dive in and ask a bunch of questions about the ex. She kept that

911
01:00:33.840 --> 01:00:40.000
boundary. She allowed him to share it, but then she just was like, okay. And then he, he moved on.

912
01:00:40.720 --> 01:00:47.440
Now, if he stayed consistently talking, she might've be, Hey, um, I, I I'm, I'm flattered

913
01:00:47.440 --> 01:00:52.400
that you feel comfortable talking to me about these things. Um, why don't we hold these types

914
01:00:52.400 --> 01:00:57.680
of conversations until we've gotten to know each other a little better about our exes and see how

915
01:00:57.680 --> 01:01:02.400
he would. Yeah. I've kind of rehearsed like what I would say. So in, when he brought that up, like

916
01:01:03.440 --> 01:01:08.080
my mind went to like, Oh, should I say something? But yeah, it didn't last very long. So I was just

917
01:01:08.080 --> 01:01:13.360
like, you see how you can kind of shift into that. So I love that you're recognizing.

918
01:01:14.320 --> 01:01:21.680
He's got some really great qualities. And so then you even shared, okay, is this coming up? Because

919
01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:28.000
I have a fear not to trust. Have you been able to spend some time leaning into that with Holy

920
01:01:28.000 --> 01:01:37.360
spirit? Like where is that rooted? What, what memories are tied with that? That same feeling

921
01:01:37.360 --> 01:01:42.960
that's coming up? Is there anything? Yeah. Like I have been like praying about that. And I know

922
01:01:42.960 --> 01:01:50.080
it's mainly related to like my ex husband. Cause like we were married for almost like 24 years by

923
01:01:50.080 --> 01:01:56.560
the time, like our divorce went through in 2018. And, um, he just hurt me for many years in our

924
01:01:56.560 --> 01:02:05.840
marriage or whatever. And so I think it's, and, um, yeah, I, I didn't really have many relationships

925
01:02:05.840 --> 01:02:13.280
prior to like getting engaged and marrying him. And so like, that's kind of like my gauge of like,

926
01:02:13.280 --> 01:02:18.640
yeah, relationships that I've been in. So when things start feeling like it could lead to

927
01:02:18.640 --> 01:02:27.040
somewhere, there might be that feeling of anxiousness that will surface because you had

928
01:02:27.040 --> 01:02:33.520
that connection once before. And the time that you remember having that connection,

929
01:02:33.520 --> 01:02:37.920
your body also remembers the pain and the hurt that it went through.

930
01:02:39.120 --> 01:02:42.880
And so, and also in that relationship, everything happens so fast. I mean,

931
01:02:42.880 --> 01:02:46.720
we started dating like a month later, we were like engaged and like, I don't know,

932
01:02:46.720 --> 01:02:50.720
like a month and a half later I moved back from Italy and like, we were already like preparing,

933
01:02:50.720 --> 01:02:55.760
preparing like our marriage and whatever. And he came like the summer and yeah.

934
01:02:55.760 --> 01:03:01.360
Keeping those types of things in like knowing, okay, is this me responding out of fear because

935
01:03:01.360 --> 01:03:09.120
of what happened in the past? Lord, what do you want me to look at from that? How, how,

936
01:03:09.120 --> 01:03:14.240
how would you like me to walk through that healing process? Because guess what? Like,

937
01:03:14.880 --> 01:03:16.880
I'm sure you've probably heard this from Jackie.

938
01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:24.880
She will say like, if you've been hurt in relationship, you'll be healed in relationship.

939
01:03:24.880 --> 01:03:25.920
Right. Yeah.

940
01:03:25.920 --> 01:03:31.360
You've been hurt in family, you'll be healed in family. Hurt in community, healed in community.

941
01:03:32.320 --> 01:03:41.280
The thing that potential, that, that created a hurt, God can use to restore

942
01:03:42.560 --> 01:03:48.880
that hurt and heal that. And so there is a vulnerability that will come with it

943
01:03:50.320 --> 01:03:57.200
at times. And that's that trusting and partnering with God to walk through that.

944
01:03:58.160 --> 01:04:04.240
And so that's probably what you're starting to feel kind of surface a little bit. And it's like,

945
01:04:04.960 --> 01:04:12.720
your body wants to go into that protection mode of, well, I don't know if I want this because

946
01:04:12.720 --> 01:04:18.640
I don't want to, I want the connection. I want all this good stuff, but what if it comes with

947
01:04:18.640 --> 01:04:22.880
this? And I don't want that because that didn't feel good. So I'm going to protect.

948
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:23.920
So I'm going to protect.

949
01:04:23.920 --> 01:04:28.800
Well, yeah. And also like, sometimes my mind goes to like, oh, well, because with the ex,

950
01:04:28.800 --> 01:04:33.920
like he came across this, like this really great guy or whatever, like we got married or whatever.

951
01:04:33.920 --> 01:04:37.200
And then I found out like five years into our marriage that he was addicted to porn. And that

952
01:04:37.200 --> 01:04:42.800
was like huge issue in our marriage for like many years. So sometimes like, I, I'm always suspicious.

953
01:04:42.800 --> 01:04:47.440
I'm like, oh, are you putting like that on this good front? And then like, I'll get attached to

954
01:04:47.440 --> 01:04:52.320
you, like, we'll like become engaged or whatever. And then I'll find out like at that point that

955
01:04:52.320 --> 01:04:56.000
like, there's this huge issue that like, I'm not going to deal with it.

956
01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:59.840
But ladies, do you hear Laura recognizing she

957
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.440
recognizes looking back of when she was with her her former husband how quickly

958
01:05:08.440 --> 01:05:15.840
things happened so she does have wisdom and remit like oh well this is what

959
01:05:15.840 --> 01:05:21.640
happened this is what like I rushed this and I did this so she's able to now

960
01:05:21.640 --> 01:05:29.960
recognize areas that she was like oh I wasn't I I could have maybe learned a

961
01:05:29.960 --> 01:05:33.680
little bit more here and if I would have done this instead of this and again it's

962
01:05:33.680 --> 01:05:40.400
not because she it like it was her fault but she's taking what happened and she's

963
01:05:40.400 --> 01:05:47.200
learning it so she doesn't repeat the same thing again that's that's wisdom

964
01:05:47.200 --> 01:05:54.640
that's how God used that that's how God can use what we've experienced to

965
01:05:54.640 --> 01:06:00.520
protect us because it gives us wisdom and clarity well what happened then and

966
01:06:00.520 --> 01:06:06.800
how can I change my behaviors and my reactions moving forward so that I don't

967
01:06:06.800 --> 01:06:12.280
fall into that same cycle does that make sense oh yeah cuz it's a lot different

968
01:06:12.280 --> 01:06:17.360
cuz like yeah in that situation like I did things so much faster cuz like in my

969
01:06:17.360 --> 01:06:22.480
two dates with like Wade like I he hasn't hugged me I haven't held his hand

970
01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:28.560
nothing no like whatever like and so like for me it seems kind of weird or

971
01:06:28.560 --> 01:06:33.320
whatever but like you've had a lot of life experience since then too so you

972
01:06:33.320 --> 01:06:37.960
got to think about all the life experience that you've had between that

973
01:06:37.960 --> 01:06:47.280
time how have you grown in those 20 plus years you're not the same woman that you

974
01:06:47.280 --> 01:06:54.960
were when you met your former husband that you are now so the chances of that

975
01:06:54.960 --> 01:07:02.480
repeating again very slim especially when you are in a mindset of growing and

976
01:07:02.480 --> 01:07:06.360
learning and connecting with the Lord and like okay I want to do this well I

977
01:07:06.360 --> 01:07:11.560
want to do it in a healthy way I want to recognize what areas in my heart that I

978
01:07:11.560 --> 01:07:17.560
need healed when you have that recognition that ladies is what's going

979
01:07:17.560 --> 01:07:23.480
to that's part of that partnering with God to keep yourself God-defended and

980
01:07:23.480 --> 01:07:28.440
God-protected well yeah and then I just had a quick question because I'm sure

981
01:07:28.440 --> 01:07:33.080
maybe somebody else has a question whatever but so after the first day so

982
01:07:33.080 --> 01:07:40.720
was on a Saturday evening so like last so a week ago Sunday at church and I was

983
01:07:40.720 --> 01:07:44.800
mentioning to like my preacher about how I got on the state and his immediate

984
01:07:44.800 --> 01:07:50.080
question was like oh is Wade a Christian and at that time I was like oh I'm not

985
01:07:50.080 --> 01:07:54.760
sure and so like of course he goes into this big discourse of like oh Laura I'm

986
01:07:54.760 --> 01:07:58.520
not sure if you need to be still dating him because like that's very concerning

987
01:07:58.520 --> 01:08:03.560
that like you get attached to someone who's not a Christian which like so then

988
01:08:03.560 --> 01:08:08.320
I like initially like after him like kind of like saying that to me I was

989
01:08:08.320 --> 01:08:13.920
like oh yeah I mean I I don't want to marry someone who isn't a Christian or

990
01:08:13.920 --> 01:08:18.520
whatever exactly then I do know some of the other ladies like from the program

991
01:08:18.520 --> 01:08:21.319
and they're like yeah like when you're just doing like discovery dating it's

992
01:08:21.319 --> 01:08:25.520
like you're not gonna like ask him 50 questions like oh are you a Christian

993
01:08:25.520 --> 01:08:31.600
like you go to church but I actually did find out on Sunday that he does go to

994
01:08:31.600 --> 01:08:36.240
church or whatever so he does he is a believer or whatever and so yeah well

995
01:08:36.240 --> 01:08:39.319
and that's and that's the thing too like you want to see how it comes up

996
01:08:39.319 --> 01:08:43.680
naturally in conversation and just in it and again it's not about where

997
01:08:43.680 --> 01:08:50.560
somebody's been it's where they're going okay and obviously you want them to have

998
01:08:50.560 --> 01:08:56.760
a drive to want to be connected with the board but right I mean if that could

999
01:08:56.760 --> 01:09:03.439
look so and so many different categories so again it's how does that come up in

1000
01:09:03.439 --> 01:09:08.680
conversation it's like does it happen naturally is there an interest in an

1001
01:09:08.680 --> 01:09:12.800
intrigue and again like ladies she didn't have to go and ask all the bunch

1002
01:09:12.800 --> 01:09:17.200
of questions she didn't have to go interrogate him she found out oh he does

1003
01:09:17.200 --> 01:09:21.359
go to church okay cool well yeah cuz he was actually because his office is

1004
01:09:21.359 --> 01:09:25.520
actually like a block or so from like my church and like a couple weeks ago like

1005
01:09:25.520 --> 01:09:30.319
on a Sunday evening he was like walking past my church like we had come out of

1006
01:09:30.319 --> 01:09:34.160
church church was over that evening and I was actually talking in the parking

1007
01:09:34.160 --> 01:09:37.560
lot with the preacher from my church and Wade comes walking by and he's like oh

1008
01:09:37.560 --> 01:09:41.880
hi Laura or whatever and he was on his way to like get something to eat at the

1009
01:09:41.880 --> 01:09:46.840
like local grocery store like there you go and so he already knew that like I go

1010
01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:50.840
to that church or whatever and didn't burn when he when he set foot on on the

1011
01:09:50.840 --> 01:09:59.160
property yeah no that's good so yeah ladies that's the discovery dating piece

1012
01:09:59.160 --> 01:10:02.160
like yeah

1013
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.400
Or you don't have to, again, it's letting all of that information unfold.

1014
01:10:06.800 --> 01:10:09.420
You know, and again, like this is discovery dating.

1015
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:14.720
Do we know if this guy that Laura's, you know, talking to, is this going to be a,

1016
01:10:14.880 --> 01:10:18.000
she's going to go on a couple more dates with, is it someone that she's going to,

1017
01:10:18.200 --> 01:10:20.600
you know, date for many, many months?

1018
01:10:20.600 --> 01:10:24.040
Is it somebody that she potentially getting, we don't know that.

1019
01:10:24.520 --> 01:10:29.520
I mean, something can happen in a couple of weeks and she's like, Oh, you know what?

1020
01:10:29.520 --> 01:10:31.320
God really showed me that this wasn't the person.

1021
01:10:31.320 --> 01:10:32.840
And then she moves on fine.

1022
01:10:33.120 --> 01:10:40.400
It's about following that piece and it's recognizing what responses and reactions

1023
01:10:40.400 --> 01:10:48.240
do we have in our hearts that surfacing and learning from that and recognizing

1024
01:10:48.440 --> 01:10:54.480
ladies, it's being in tune to ourselves as well and how we're responding and

1025
01:10:54.520 --> 01:10:56.280
spending time with the Lord with that.

1026
01:10:57.560 --> 01:11:00.720
Like, okay, God, this is coming up.

1027
01:11:00.760 --> 01:11:04.000
What do you want me to gain from this?

1028
01:11:04.720 --> 01:11:07.600
What opportunity are you inviting me into?

1029
01:11:09.360 --> 01:11:09.520
Okay.

1030
01:11:09.520 --> 01:11:17.360
Cause ladies, the marriage, the man, that's all bonus, the healing and the

1031
01:11:17.360 --> 01:11:23.000
intimacy with the Lord, that's the really big gift that we get in this community.

1032
01:11:24.720 --> 01:11:25.400
Truly.

1033
01:11:26.040 --> 01:11:32.800
And that's what prepares you and sets you up even for that, you know, covenant

1034
01:11:32.800 --> 01:11:38.040
committed relationship and marriage as well is having that alignment with the

1035
01:11:38.040 --> 01:11:40.880
Lord and you get to walk that process out.

1036
01:11:40.880 --> 01:11:42.960
Like this is your time with the Lord right now.

1037
01:11:42.960 --> 01:11:47.440
This is your single season with the Lord right now, as you get to learn more about

1038
01:11:47.440 --> 01:11:52.880
other people and what you like, what you don't like and who like discovering,

1039
01:11:53.600 --> 01:11:55.360
who does God have for me?

1040
01:11:56.400 --> 01:11:59.960
How intentional has he been in creating a husband for me?

1041
01:12:01.080 --> 01:12:02.240
What might that look like?

1042
01:12:03.680 --> 01:12:05.000
Like, have fun with it.

1043
01:12:06.600 --> 01:12:08.240
Get excited about it.

1044
01:12:10.920 --> 01:12:15.480
Like, I want it to be fun for you ladies.

1045
01:12:16.120 --> 01:12:19.560
I mean, yes, there's going to be some healing moments and some stuff that

1046
01:12:19.560 --> 01:12:24.880
comes from all of this that, you know, it can, it can get us to our core and

1047
01:12:24.880 --> 01:12:31.120
really get into our emotions, but it's also important to just enjoy the process.

1048
01:12:32.600 --> 01:12:33.800
And have fun with it.

1049
01:12:35.480 --> 01:12:37.600
Like life is meant to be enjoyed.

1050
01:12:38.200 --> 01:12:42.640
And so I want you ladies, you know, I know we talk a lot about heart healing

1051
01:12:42.640 --> 01:12:44.480
and, and things of that nature.

1052
01:12:44.480 --> 01:12:48.800
I just, I want us like, make it a, make it a balance.

1053
01:12:49.800 --> 01:12:50.400
All right.

1054
01:12:51.640 --> 01:12:53.000
I don't know what led me to say that.

1055
01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:58.920
So just, you know, sit with that, but Laura, I I'm excited for you.

1056
01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:00.480
I'm excited to hear more.

1057
01:13:00.480 --> 01:13:01.880
So just keep us posted.

1058
01:13:01.880 --> 01:13:03.600
I think you're doing wonderful.

1059
01:13:04.040 --> 01:13:07.440
You're checking in with the, you know, the ladies in the community that you've

1060
01:13:07.440 --> 01:13:12.440
connected with and you're coming here, you're using the app, you're, you're

1061
01:13:12.440 --> 01:13:17.880
coming to calls, you're balancing that off and you're, you're gaining wisdom.

1062
01:13:18.160 --> 01:13:20.280
You're spending time with the Lord about it.

1063
01:13:20.560 --> 01:13:22.880
You're not making quick rash decisions.

1064
01:13:23.160 --> 01:13:23.800
You are a lot.

1065
01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:29.640
You're sitting with the process and that's, that's all this is about ladies.

1066
01:13:30.680 --> 01:13:31.200
Okay.

1067
01:13:31.360 --> 01:13:31.840
Yeah.

1068
01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:35.440
And I'm so proud of myself that, cause when I was going, getting ready, like

1069
01:13:35.440 --> 01:13:40.640
the afternoon of like the first date that it was at 6 PM, like my heart was

1070
01:13:40.640 --> 01:13:43.440
literally racing for like the hours prior.

1071
01:13:43.440 --> 01:13:47.800
Cause I literally hadn't been on a date since like the early nineties.

1072
01:13:47.840 --> 01:13:50.600
And I was like, Oh my gosh, I was so nervous.

1073
01:13:50.640 --> 01:13:54.520
I had contemplated like texting him and canceling and whatever, but I was

1074
01:13:54.560 --> 01:13:57.280
like proud of myself that I like, I did not.

1075
01:13:57.320 --> 01:14:03.080
I went and like, I had a good time and then like, I was getting somewhat

1076
01:14:03.080 --> 01:14:05.440
nervous or whatever, but like, I went to that too.

1077
01:14:05.440 --> 01:14:07.080
And yeah, so.

1078
01:14:07.480 --> 01:14:10.840
So see, she like, she went and did something like she hadn't done in a long

1079
01:14:10.840 --> 01:14:13.600
time, she, she conquered it.

1080
01:14:13.640 --> 01:14:14.760
She got the courage.

1081
01:14:14.760 --> 01:14:15.600
She was bold.

1082
01:14:15.920 --> 01:14:18.840
And now she's like, Oh, this is easy.

1083
01:14:20.360 --> 01:14:23.920
Like, well, yeah, cause I was like, if I don't go, I'm not going to get this

1084
01:14:23.920 --> 01:14:28.240
experience and then I'm just going to stay where I am and I don't want to stay.

1085
01:14:30.320 --> 01:14:32.840
Like at some point you're going to get those nerves and you're just

1086
01:14:32.840 --> 01:14:33.960
going to have to get through it.

1087
01:14:34.400 --> 01:14:37.680
Like at some point, ladies, if you get nervous about having a first date, like.

1088
01:14:38.280 --> 01:14:39.560
You're going to have a first date.

1089
01:14:40.160 --> 01:14:41.560
You're just going to have to go on it.

1090
01:14:42.240 --> 01:14:47.560
And the sooner you get it done, the easier the other first dates will become.

1091
01:14:48.440 --> 01:14:50.560
And then, you know, you get on the first date, guess what?

1092
01:14:51.200 --> 01:14:54.280
Oh, you might go on a second date, a third date.

1093
01:14:54.920 --> 01:14:58.400
At some point, ladies, you're going to meet someone that's going

1094
01:14:58.400 --> 01:14:59.640
to be your last first date.

1095
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.600
Think of that. Ladies, think of that. You are going to meet someone and your first

1096
01:15:07.600 --> 01:15:15.080
date is going to be your last first date. There is someone you are going to date

1097
01:15:15.080 --> 01:15:22.160
that you're going to marry and you're gonna have a last first date.

1098
01:15:22.760 --> 01:15:31.720
Get excited about that. So embrace the nerves. You know you're gonna have those

1099
01:15:31.720 --> 01:15:36.400
conversations like oh my gosh that first date before I met you this is what this

1100
01:15:36.400 --> 01:15:40.440
is what I was going through. I mean I have that with my husband. I told him

1101
01:15:40.440 --> 01:15:44.280
I'm like I almost canceled because you wanted to have dinner at like nine

1102
01:15:44.280 --> 01:15:48.360
o'clock at night. I'm like who has dinner at nine o'clock at night? I was like I just I

1103
01:15:48.360 --> 01:15:52.960
was like I made my pajamas at nine o'clock at night like and you wanted to

1104
01:15:52.960 --> 01:15:57.320
go out to dinner. I'm like no and you know what and I laugh and I mean I had I

1105
01:15:57.320 --> 01:16:00.200
went to a girlfriend like you know I just don't know and then she was like

1106
01:16:00.200 --> 01:16:06.840
well maybe just go out for dessert. She's like Carla just go and so I would

1107
01:16:06.840 --> 01:16:10.440
I'll sometimes even message her and be like yeah you remember you remember how

1108
01:16:10.440 --> 01:16:13.960
you had to talk me off the ledge where I was almost about to cancel with this guy

1109
01:16:14.560 --> 01:16:19.640
and so that that became part of my love story and that's how I incorporated my

1110
01:16:19.640 --> 01:16:25.400
friends and my community into my love story like we have we had moments of

1111
01:16:25.400 --> 01:16:32.200
laughter of yeah can you believe I almost missed out on going on this last

1112
01:16:32.200 --> 01:16:37.360
first date with my now husband because of all these things that you know I

1113
01:16:37.360 --> 01:16:41.600
didn't want to go out and have dinner at nine o'clock at night and I thought it

1114
01:16:41.600 --> 01:16:48.640
was weird because of it and then I later found out is because his job he

1115
01:16:48.640 --> 01:16:53.280
was here for his work and it it was his busy season where he literally will work

1116
01:16:53.280 --> 01:17:00.160
15 hours in a day and he actually got reprimanded for leaving early to go on

1117
01:17:00.160 --> 01:17:05.800
that date and I'm like that wasn't early but in his insurance Medicare world that

1118
01:17:05.800 --> 01:17:12.720
was like crazy early for them so I learned something so he he stretched

1119
01:17:12.720 --> 01:17:17.800
himself to go on that date so I was able to stretch myself and go out on the 9

1120
01:17:17.800 --> 01:17:23.560
o'clock p.m. dinner date hey Susan I see your hand up how are you

1121
01:17:23.560 --> 01:17:29.960
what question yeah um it's funny is your say your husband does Medicare and does

1122
01:17:29.960 --> 01:17:34.080
he do health insurance too that's what I do so he does Medicare in life okay

1123
01:17:34.080 --> 01:17:42.440
perfect yeah um so my question is I went I matched with a guy like in

1124
01:17:42.440 --> 01:17:46.960
December then we just never ended up connecting we had a nice phone call we

1125
01:17:46.960 --> 01:17:50.840
like text back and forth a few times then he disappeared and whatever I

1126
01:17:50.840 --> 01:17:55.840
unmatched him unholy and then he recently found me again unholy and was

1127
01:17:55.840 --> 01:17:59.620
like I'm sorry I dropped my phone in the ocean right after we match and like

1128
01:17:59.620 --> 01:18:02.600
that's why I didn't you know you didn't hear from me blah blah so anyway we

1129
01:18:02.600 --> 01:18:08.320
connect and he seems to be masculine I'm not sure about mature marriage

1130
01:18:08.320 --> 01:18:16.240
minded but you'll be indicate you'll see in the air so he reached out he planned

1131
01:18:16.240 --> 01:18:21.640
a date and like I had a really good time I actually it was like oh I'm actually

1132
01:18:21.640 --> 01:18:25.720
interested in this guy I thought he was like good very good-looking and I was

1133
01:18:25.720 --> 01:18:30.760
like hmm so maybe it's not a big deal like maybe I'm just getting triggered

1134
01:18:30.760 --> 01:18:33.040
because this happened before and I talked to you about it before actually

1135
01:18:33.040 --> 01:18:37.280
okay there was one guy on a date that had talked about like ooh I loved

1136
01:18:37.280 --> 01:18:45.480
watching you walk away to the bathroom and yeah okay yeah before the date I had

1137
01:18:45.480 --> 01:18:48.080
mentioned that I'm not working very much right now and that I've been laying at

1138
01:18:48.080 --> 01:18:52.800
the pool so he texts me and says like so did you lay at the pool and make guys

1139
01:18:52.800 --> 01:18:59.080
break their necks again today and I just thought well does that reveal like

1140
01:18:59.080 --> 01:19:02.080
something in his heart that he's thinking about checking women out at a

1141
01:19:02.080 --> 01:19:09.200
pool or that to me is showing a compliment that he it to me that's a

1142
01:19:09.200 --> 01:19:14.680
compliment that he finds you attractive okay okay so yeah I just like okay like

1143
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:19.800
like basically saying like hey you're an attractive woman many men probably find

1144
01:19:19.800 --> 01:19:25.640
you attractive okay okay now where it can cross that line is if it's he's

1145
01:19:25.640 --> 01:19:29.280
leading into more sexual things it's like is he gonna continue to keep

1146
01:19:29.280 --> 01:19:33.160
pushing that boundary like at that point be like you know did you laugh it off

1147
01:19:33.160 --> 01:19:38.480
did you like whatever did he keep going with it yeah no he didn't I laughed it

1148
01:19:38.480 --> 01:19:43.960
off I said going with it then that's what I'm gonna be like okay now if and

1149
01:19:43.960 --> 01:19:49.320
ladies if a comment like that doesn't make you feel comfortable you can

1150
01:19:49.320 --> 01:19:55.520
express that like you're allowed to say oh no you know you know and it like

1151
01:19:55.520 --> 01:20:02.080
maybe a one-off okay but if if he makes a compliment like that again like

1152
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
Again, it depends on what is, how it makes you respond.

1153
01:20:08.000 --> 01:20:11.520
Okay, for me, that wouldn't trigger me.

1154
01:20:11.520 --> 01:20:13.280
For some women, that might trigger them

1155
01:20:13.280 --> 01:20:16.080
because of their own traumas and wounds

1156
01:20:16.080 --> 01:20:16.920
that might have happened.

1157
01:20:16.920 --> 01:20:21.920
If you've ever been sexually abused or something,

1158
01:20:24.320 --> 01:20:28.280
or treated in a way, that could.

1159
01:20:28.280 --> 01:20:33.280
I get very triggered when people don't respect boundaries.

1160
01:20:37.200 --> 01:20:41.560
So if I see someone do something or say something like,

1161
01:20:41.560 --> 01:20:44.160
hey, I really don't like, hey, could you please stop that?

1162
01:20:44.160 --> 01:20:45.800
Like, hey, I asked you not to do that.

1163
01:20:45.800 --> 01:20:49.520
And they joke it off, that's a big trigger for me.

1164
01:20:50.920 --> 01:20:55.920
Because I was emotionally and mentally abused in that way,

1165
01:20:56.880 --> 01:21:01.520
in relationships, that anytime I try to put a boundary up,

1166
01:21:01.520 --> 01:21:03.080
it was dismissed.

1167
01:21:03.080 --> 01:21:07.640
So dismissiveness is like a big thing for me.

1168
01:21:07.640 --> 01:21:12.640
Where some women, the physical comment might be a trigger.

1169
01:21:15.840 --> 01:21:19.080
So that's where, I love that, Susan, you're coming,

1170
01:21:19.080 --> 01:21:20.680
you're having the conversation with us.

1171
01:21:20.680 --> 01:21:22.360
Like when that one guy was like,

1172
01:21:22.360 --> 01:21:24.480
oh, I liked watching you walk away.

1173
01:21:24.520 --> 01:21:28.680
That, he's literally talking about your body

1174
01:21:28.680 --> 01:21:30.640
and how he's responding to your body.

1175
01:21:31.560 --> 01:21:36.360
That to me, no, that's a red flag, no, sir.

1176
01:21:36.360 --> 01:21:40.520
And then I like, again, because that doesn't trigger me,

1177
01:21:40.520 --> 01:21:44.200
I would come back and be like, well, get one last good look

1178
01:21:44.200 --> 01:21:45.920
because you ain't seeing that again, honey.

1179
01:21:45.920 --> 01:21:46.960
And that's what you said last time

1180
01:21:46.960 --> 01:21:48.080
when I told you the story.

1181
01:21:48.080 --> 01:21:51.560
Yeah, like, I mean, I have no problem

1182
01:21:51.560 --> 01:21:52.920
being very blunt about that.

1183
01:21:52.920 --> 01:21:55.480
Because for me, that's not a trigger.

1184
01:21:55.480 --> 01:21:59.880
For me, that's a, dude, no, that's a boundary

1185
01:21:59.880 --> 01:22:01.800
and you're gonna respect that boundary.

1186
01:22:01.800 --> 01:22:04.360
Now, so, but with this guy saying,

1187
01:22:04.360 --> 01:22:07.200
oh, did you turn a lot of heads at the pool?

1188
01:22:07.200 --> 01:22:12.200
He's just gauging and showing like, you're attractive.

1189
01:22:12.760 --> 01:22:14.720
And he's probably even like,

1190
01:22:14.720 --> 01:22:16.800
I wonder if she's dating other guys.

1191
01:22:16.800 --> 01:22:17.960
You know, I mean, there could probably

1192
01:22:17.960 --> 01:22:19.000
be some insecurity there.

1193
01:22:19.000 --> 01:22:21.520
Like if he's interested, but again,

1194
01:22:21.520 --> 01:22:26.520
this is where you're just, you're taking the information

1195
01:22:26.520 --> 01:22:29.400
and you're collecting, you're collecting information,

1196
01:22:29.400 --> 01:22:30.840
you're putting it in the catalog,

1197
01:22:30.840 --> 01:22:32.600
you're putting it in a file

1198
01:22:32.600 --> 01:22:35.040
and you're gonna see how does he show up?

1199
01:22:35.040 --> 01:22:37.960
How does he show up consistently?

1200
01:22:37.960 --> 01:22:41.000
Now, is he gonna continue to make comments like that

1201
01:22:41.000 --> 01:22:44.720
or indicating that men are gonna be attracted to you?

1202
01:22:44.720 --> 01:22:49.720
And if that is kind of a sign, like if he repeats that,

1203
01:22:49.760 --> 01:22:53.520
there might be an insecurity there of, you know,

1204
01:22:53.520 --> 01:22:57.680
women dating other men while he's been dating them.

1205
01:22:58.640 --> 01:23:00.160
Who knows if he's been cheated on.

1206
01:23:00.160 --> 01:23:01.880
I mean, these are just things that you're just,

1207
01:23:01.880 --> 01:23:04.120
you're collecting information at this point.

1208
01:23:05.440 --> 01:23:09.960
Like my indication is he's just paying you a compliment

1209
01:23:09.960 --> 01:23:13.040
and, you know.

1210
01:23:13.040 --> 01:23:15.240
Okay, yeah, I joked back and I said, no,

1211
01:23:15.240 --> 01:23:17.440
that wouldn't be kind to have a bunch of men

1212
01:23:17.440 --> 01:23:19.160
break their necks and go to the hospital.

1213
01:23:19.600 --> 01:23:22.160
I'm just in the privacy of my own backyard, Tanning.

1214
01:23:22.160 --> 01:23:23.000
There you go.

1215
01:23:23.000 --> 01:23:24.600
And then I think there was something else.

1216
01:23:24.600 --> 01:23:26.240
And I don't know if he said it or I said it.

1217
01:23:26.240 --> 01:23:27.520
He said something about, well,

1218
01:23:27.520 --> 01:23:30.800
I might need a neck brace when I meet you, like,

1219
01:23:30.800 --> 01:23:31.640
or something.

1220
01:23:31.640 --> 01:23:33.000
Yeah, he's paying you a compliment

1221
01:23:33.000 --> 01:23:35.480
because he's saying, hey, I find you attractive.

1222
01:23:35.480 --> 01:23:37.720
Like, that's his way of finding you attractive.

1223
01:23:37.720 --> 01:23:41.800
Now, you're more than just a beautiful face.

1224
01:23:41.800 --> 01:23:42.640
Yeah.

1225
01:23:42.640 --> 01:23:47.640
So what other ways is he like getting to know you?

1226
01:23:47.680 --> 01:23:50.280
Like, that's what you're looking for too.

1227
01:23:50.280 --> 01:23:52.960
I mean, ladies, it's okay to be flattered,

1228
01:23:52.960 --> 01:23:55.880
to be flattered that somebody physically is attracted.

1229
01:23:55.880 --> 01:23:56.720
I mean, ladies,

1230
01:23:56.720 --> 01:23:59.320
you wanna be physically attracted to the man you marry.

1231
01:23:59.320 --> 01:24:02.480
Like, you're gonna want to, okay?

1232
01:24:02.480 --> 01:24:06.760
And so there's nothing wrong with physical attraction.

1233
01:24:07.600 --> 01:24:11.800
We don't want physical attraction to lead the relationship.

1234
01:24:12.800 --> 01:24:16.080
What other stuff is there?

1235
01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:20.520
Is he interested in getting to know your heart

1236
01:24:20.520 --> 01:24:22.800
and what is important to you, your goals?

1237
01:24:22.800 --> 01:24:24.960
Like, things of that nature.

1238
01:24:24.960 --> 01:24:26.440
And have fun.

1239
01:24:26.440 --> 01:24:27.280
And it's great.

1240
01:24:27.280 --> 01:24:29.400
Like, he's attractive and he's, you know,

1241
01:24:29.400 --> 01:24:31.240
he's attracted to you, you're attracted to him.

1242
01:24:31.240 --> 01:24:32.640
Great.

1243
01:24:32.640 --> 01:24:36.200
Like, now you get to see what's attractive about his heart

1244
01:24:36.200 --> 01:24:38.800
and he gets to see what's attractive about your heart.

1245
01:24:38.800 --> 01:24:39.640
Mm-hmm.

1246
01:24:39.640 --> 01:24:40.480
Okay.

1247
01:24:40.480 --> 01:24:42.200
Yeah, I mean, I liked the date.

1248
01:24:42.200 --> 01:24:43.920
Like, we had a really good time.

1249
01:24:43.960 --> 01:24:46.800
Like, I was intellectually, like, stimulated.

1250
01:24:46.800 --> 01:24:50.440
Like, I like, he's intelligent, successful.

1251
01:24:52.520 --> 01:24:54.360
You know, like, everything went well.

1252
01:24:54.360 --> 01:24:55.600
We laughed.

1253
01:24:55.600 --> 01:24:59.320
Like, he didn't say anything crazy or inappropriate.

1254
01:24:59.320 --> 01:25:00.160
I told him I was.

1255
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.760
being a house and like I showed him the pictures and everything

1256
01:25:02.760 --> 01:25:06.200
and then he's like, so you put, you know, 250,000 into it, how

1257
01:25:06.200 --> 01:25:07.920
much you're going to make? That was the one thing I was like,

1258
01:25:07.920 --> 01:25:09.280
it's personal asked me like,

1259
01:25:09.800 --> 01:25:12.480
and did you tell him that you say, Well, that's personal.

1260
01:25:12.520 --> 01:25:15.440
I said, Well, I don't know. I said, hopefully over 100

1261
01:25:15.440 --> 01:25:17.720
grand, but we'll find out. But like, I didn't give him like

1262
01:25:17.720 --> 01:25:21.440
direct numbers. But that's kind of like, but and then again,

1263
01:25:21.440 --> 01:25:26.000
those are indications like how is it does? Does? Does he say

1264
01:25:26.000 --> 01:25:30.320
things like that consistently? Yeah, again, like if he does,

1265
01:25:30.320 --> 01:25:34.440
you you communicate boundaries, you see how he responds to

1266
01:25:34.440 --> 01:25:38.520
that? Yeah, offensive, then that's going to be an indicator.

1267
01:25:38.680 --> 01:25:43.760
If he's like, Oh, again, this is about discovering. And it's

1268
01:25:43.760 --> 01:25:48.720
also about learning how we ourselves communicate our

1269
01:25:48.720 --> 01:25:53.680
boundaries. And what's important to us. That's important to

1270
01:25:54.280 --> 01:25:59.600
Yep. So that so that we both are like the end of the date, we

1271
01:25:59.600 --> 01:26:01.560
both have to go to the bathroom before we leave. And I'm like,

1272
01:26:01.560 --> 01:26:04.600
All right, well, let's walk to the bathroom together. So the

1273
01:26:04.600 --> 01:26:08.280
women's bathroom is further the men's bathroom here, right? So

1274
01:26:08.480 --> 01:26:12.160
always stops. And I'm like, I continue on. And I don't know, I

1275
01:26:12.200 --> 01:26:14.240
didn't intentionally, I just kind of instinctively looked

1276
01:26:14.240 --> 01:26:16.600
back, and he was watching me walk, fine, whatever, I just

1277
01:26:16.600 --> 01:26:19.680
kind of laughed and like went in the bathroom. We leave the next

1278
01:26:19.680 --> 01:26:22.000
day, he texts me in the morning, like I had a great time with you

1279
01:26:22.000 --> 01:26:24.480
yesterday. I said, Likewise, sir, I had a good time with you

1280
01:26:24.480 --> 01:26:29.040
too. And then he said, Did you see me watch you walk away with

1281
01:26:29.040 --> 01:26:33.040
like heart eyes. And then I just put like, haha, I think I'm just

1282
01:26:33.040 --> 01:26:35.160
like a little bit like paranoid. I'm like, Oh, gosh, if he

1283
01:26:35.160 --> 01:26:37.440
doesn't say something inappropriate, I hope like I did.

1284
01:26:37.480 --> 01:26:41.040
I do like that he thinks I'm attractive. But then

1285
01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:46.680
so yeah, so I would say if if what you might like on, you

1286
01:26:46.680 --> 01:26:51.160
know, as you're getting to know him, what could be helpful for

1287
01:26:51.160 --> 01:26:57.520
you is saying, Hey, I really appreciate the compliments. One

1288
01:26:57.520 --> 01:27:03.920
thing that I'm working on myself personally, is learning when

1289
01:27:05.240 --> 01:27:09.720
when to take those compliments sincerely, and when they are

1290
01:27:09.720 --> 01:27:15.200
driven in an inappropriate way. So it would be really helpful

1291
01:27:15.200 --> 01:27:20.280
for me if you cut back on some of those, until we've gotten to

1292
01:27:20.280 --> 01:27:23.000
know each other better. Would that be okay with you? I'm

1293
01:27:23.000 --> 01:27:26.960
really flattered that you find me attractive. I find you

1294
01:27:26.960 --> 01:27:33.840
attractive. But I don't want, I don't want to have my head

1295
01:27:33.840 --> 01:27:39.400
clouded. So if you could just put a pause on that until we've

1296
01:27:39.400 --> 01:27:42.400
gotten some time to know each other better. Yeah. And I see

1297
01:27:42.400 --> 01:27:46.000
your response to that. Okay. I mean, that's what I'm saying.

1298
01:27:46.000 --> 01:27:51.680
It's literally it's about you recognizing where you're like

1299
01:27:51.680 --> 01:27:57.280
regulating your emotion and your feeling and communicating in a

1300
01:27:57.280 --> 01:28:02.720
healthy way. And then allowing the other person to have the

1301
01:28:02.720 --> 01:28:07.880
opportunity to respond back in a healthy way as well. Okay. Okay.

1302
01:28:08.000 --> 01:28:11.040
Yeah, we get to learn we get to learn what Okay, was there a way

1303
01:28:11.040 --> 01:28:15.480
I could have said that better? Or was there a way that they

1304
01:28:15.480 --> 01:28:18.520
could have responded better? Like, it really is a learning

1305
01:28:18.520 --> 01:28:22.640
process. Yeah. I mean, and that's that happens in

1306
01:28:22.640 --> 01:28:25.320
relationships like that happens. I mean, my husband and I, I

1307
01:28:25.320 --> 01:28:29.280
mean, we have moments where like, Oh, we, we handled that

1308
01:28:29.280 --> 01:28:32.400
conversation really well. This is what we did really good. And

1309
01:28:32.400 --> 01:28:35.680
then there's other times we're like, we did not handle that.

1310
01:28:35.680 --> 01:28:40.640
Well, it we ended up arguing about something like, what did

1311
01:28:40.640 --> 01:28:45.920
we do that was that we could have done better? Like, and then

1312
01:28:45.960 --> 01:28:49.480
we adjust. And then sometimes we don't always do that. Sometimes

1313
01:28:49.480 --> 01:28:51.680
it's like we fall back into the same trap and go through some of

1314
01:28:51.680 --> 01:28:55.400
the same cycles. And we're like, we did it again. Look at what we

1315
01:28:55.400 --> 01:28:59.440
did. Like, it's it really is about having that open, open

1316
01:28:59.440 --> 01:29:06.920
communication, and, and that balance. So you get to learn

1317
01:29:06.920 --> 01:29:10.680
that. And that's the cool thing. Yeah. Okay, keep us posted

1318
01:29:10.680 --> 01:29:14.360
because I'm excited. Well, through these last night, can I

1319
01:29:14.360 --> 01:29:17.680
actually go ahead? Okay. So I was actually trying to get to

1320
01:29:17.680 --> 01:29:20.920
the part, which I appreciate all your insights, but I was trying

1321
01:29:20.920 --> 01:29:27.360
to actually get to the part that was important. So I just like I

1322
01:29:27.360 --> 01:29:30.520
don't normally do this. And it wasn't any like intention, but I

1323
01:29:30.520 --> 01:29:32.920
randomly was just like on Instagram. And I was like, Hey,

1324
01:29:32.920 --> 01:29:36.360
I wonder if he has an Instagram. So I actually have a fake

1325
01:29:36.360 --> 01:29:42.840
Instagram account. So I was like, and I it's because I ended

1326
01:29:42.840 --> 01:29:47.480
up investigating the last long relationship I was in and

1327
01:29:47.480 --> 01:29:50.440
finding a lot of information. So I never actually deactivated the

1328
01:29:50.440 --> 01:29:53.440
fake one. But I do look at a few things on my fake one because I

1329
01:29:53.440 --> 01:29:56.840
don't want people to know that I'm looking. Okay, so I randomly

1330
01:29:56.840 --> 01:30:00.040
just like I wonder if he has an Instagram. And he did.

1331
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.280
And I was like, Oh, yeah, he is cute. And I was like, looking at

1332
01:30:03.280 --> 01:30:07.280
his like, motivational things he was posting. And I had no

1333
01:30:07.280 --> 01:30:10.120
intention. I was not fishing to find something. I don't feel

1334
01:30:10.120 --> 01:30:13.920
like I'm super distrustful, even considering my past situation.

1335
01:30:13.920 --> 01:30:19.240
But I did end up seeing that he randomly took went to San Diego

1336
01:30:19.240 --> 01:30:22.540
yesterday. And he's posting himself walking like along the

1337
01:30:22.540 --> 01:30:26.080
beach. And there's a woman like walking pretty close in front of

1338
01:30:26.080 --> 01:30:31.160
him. And then I'm like, so I was like, well, maybe he's not

1339
01:30:31.160 --> 01:30:32.920
with her. Maybe she just happened to be walking right in

1340
01:30:32.920 --> 01:30:37.280
front of him. So then I'm like, then I look at his highlights.

1341
01:30:37.440 --> 01:30:42.480
You know, they're like the archived stories. And I see them

1342
01:30:42.480 --> 01:30:47.080
golfing together like a year ago. And I was like, then I

1343
01:30:47.080 --> 01:30:50.640
noticed I saw I click on her Instagram, then I noticed that

1344
01:30:50.640 --> 01:30:56.480
she moved to it looks like she moved to Phoenix. And she was in

1345
01:30:56.480 --> 01:31:00.640
Denver before and he just moved here from Denver a year ago. So

1346
01:31:00.640 --> 01:31:04.880
my season Phoenix and he's in Denver. That he's okay, so I

1347
01:31:04.880 --> 01:31:09.280
live in Phoenix, and he just moved to Phoenix a year ago. And

1348
01:31:09.280 --> 01:31:12.120
before that he lived in Denver. And it looks like she was

1349
01:31:12.120 --> 01:31:15.480
posting that she lived in Denver around the same time he was. And

1350
01:31:15.480 --> 01:31:17.560
now she lives in Phoenix around the same time he lives in

1351
01:31:17.560 --> 01:31:22.920
Phoenix. And so I went through like, they don't have any

1352
01:31:22.920 --> 01:31:27.640
pictures of them together on either of their pages. But now I

1353
01:31:27.640 --> 01:31:32.000
am like suspicious, of course. Okay. And then like she posted

1354
01:31:32.000 --> 01:31:35.840
stuff about like, she has these big dogs. And I remember him

1355
01:31:35.840 --> 01:31:38.120
having these big dogs on his profile, but they're not there

1356
01:31:38.120 --> 01:31:41.160
anymore. So I'm like, I mean, I think there's ways I could

1357
01:31:41.160 --> 01:31:43.920
easily like find out if I asked for him to send me pictures of

1358
01:31:43.920 --> 01:31:46.640
his dogs, and they match the ones that she posts. But like

1359
01:31:46.640 --> 01:31:49.680
she posted like a Valentine's Day thing where she had set the

1360
01:31:49.680 --> 01:31:53.640
table. One was a wine glass. One was like, not now do you see how

1361
01:31:53.640 --> 01:32:01.560
you're kind of going? Yeah, now I really like this is why. This

1362
01:32:01.560 --> 01:32:07.800
is why we don't go searching for stuff. Okay. Because yes, there

1363
01:32:07.800 --> 01:32:12.440
could be something here. But it also could be something that's

1364
01:32:12.440 --> 01:32:22.160
not there. Yeah, my my goal is, it's for you is what? What's

1365
01:32:22.160 --> 01:32:26.040
going on in your heart that's leading you to continue to keep

1366
01:32:26.040 --> 01:32:31.440
that fake Instagram account and look at that stuff? Yeah. What

1367
01:32:31.440 --> 01:32:36.800
things are you believing? And still aligning with what fears

1368
01:32:36.800 --> 01:32:42.160
are coming up? Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like it wasn't for

1369
01:32:42.160 --> 01:32:44.960
really for him. I wasn't looking to investigate, find

1370
01:32:44.960 --> 01:32:47.920
something negative or in fear at all. I just thought I would

1371
01:32:47.920 --> 01:32:52.560
like it and then we're like, Oh, yeah, now I see it. You see,

1372
01:32:52.600 --> 01:32:58.080
it's like all it took was to see one thing. And it got your mind

1373
01:32:58.120 --> 01:33:03.280
thinking. And then it took you down the path. Yeah, you're

1374
01:33:03.280 --> 01:33:06.640
clicking hers and his and now you're sitting here trying to

1375
01:33:06.880 --> 01:33:11.160
piece together this puzzle. And, and how many days have you been

1376
01:33:11.160 --> 01:33:16.120
on with him? One? It? It's too soon for you to be asking him

1377
01:33:16.120 --> 01:33:22.000
questions about his his personal life. Right? That hasn't been

1378
01:33:22.000 --> 01:33:28.280
established. I mean, because he's allowed to be dating other

1379
01:33:28.280 --> 01:33:33.480
people, right? He's allowed to have close friendships. Maybe

1380
01:33:33.480 --> 01:33:39.120
it's a best friend. Maybe it's a sister. Not a sister, not a

1381
01:33:39.120 --> 01:33:40.800
sister for different races.

1382
01:33:42.440 --> 01:33:45.400
Half sister steps. I mean, there's no way they're even

1383
01:33:45.400 --> 01:33:49.840
half. But again, I mean, but but Susan, but you hear what I'm

1384
01:33:49.840 --> 01:33:54.680
saying? Like, I'm giving you examples of how it could not be

1385
01:33:54.680 --> 01:33:57.800
in you're already coming and saying, but it's not that it's

1386
01:33:57.800 --> 01:34:00.880
not that I'm just saying it's not there. There's no way

1387
01:34:00.880 --> 01:34:07.760
they're related. But yeah, but again, it's where's what's what's

1388
01:34:07.760 --> 01:34:13.320
that rooted in? Where Where's that fear coming from? And it's

1389
01:34:13.320 --> 01:34:17.400
okay to have that fear. I mean, it sounds like you had a

1390
01:34:17.400 --> 01:34:18.840
situation in the past.

1391
01:34:19.240 --> 01:34:21.760
Yeah, it's probably coming from the situation in the past. I

1392
01:34:21.760 --> 01:34:24.840
think it's just this world. It's probably hearing other friends

1393
01:34:24.840 --> 01:34:28.720
negative experiences. Yeah, I mean, they're

1394
01:34:29.160 --> 01:34:33.120
and that's exactly like there are men out there that date

1395
01:34:33.120 --> 01:34:37.280
multiple women at the same time. Well, I mean, I was dating a guy

1396
01:34:37.960 --> 01:34:43.760
and he was in a relationship with somebody and I was like,

1397
01:34:44.200 --> 01:34:48.720
and he showed me a picture. Oh, I'm I'm I'm babies and my friend

1398
01:34:48.720 --> 01:34:53.160
needed help with her kid or with their kid. He didn't say her. It

1399
01:34:53.160 --> 01:34:58.400
was his girlfriend's child. And he sent that picture to me a

1400
01:34:58.400 --> 01:34:59.320
stranger.

1401
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.620
And I was like what I mean, and I if it blew my mind

1402
01:35:04.300 --> 01:35:06.680
like there are people out there like that, but if I

1403
01:35:07.200 --> 01:35:12.360
Allowed myself to think that I had to be on guard about that. I

1404
01:35:13.480 --> 01:35:15.480
would I

1405
01:35:16.520 --> 01:35:18.520
It would make my life so unenjoyable

1406
01:35:19.440 --> 01:35:21.760
Yeah, I mean and that's one thing like

1407
01:35:22.480 --> 01:35:26.040
Jackie will teach on if you are looking for something

1408
01:35:26.280 --> 01:35:30.020
You will find it because that's what you're that's what you're looking for

1409
01:35:30.640 --> 01:35:35.460
and so if we have if we're looking at a lens of being suspicious or

1410
01:35:36.240 --> 01:35:39.440
afraid of that happening again to us and

1411
01:35:40.320 --> 01:35:46.400
We're looking for indicators to tell us that is what's happening

1412
01:35:46.920 --> 01:35:48.920
We're gonna find it

1413
01:35:49.280 --> 01:35:51.920
What my encouragement for you ladies is?

1414
01:35:52.920 --> 01:35:59.920
It should like know like no no one should ever have to experience to be treated in such a way

1415
01:36:02.680 --> 01:36:04.960
There's never an excuse for it

1416
01:36:06.440 --> 01:36:09.360
But one thing that I've had to learn is

1417
01:36:11.200 --> 01:36:16.720
What part did I play and what could I have done differently if

1418
01:36:16.800 --> 01:36:18.800
I would have

1419
01:36:18.800 --> 01:36:23.880
Not jumped here and not jump there if I would have asked this question if I would have discerned

1420
01:36:23.880 --> 01:36:28.840
Like it it was more or less like hey, I didn't keep good boundaries for myself

1421
01:36:29.360 --> 01:36:32.640
So now I can feel confident. I'm gonna keep better boundaries

1422
01:36:33.400 --> 01:36:40.200
I'm gonna communicate clearly in a healthy way and I'm gonna listen for how they respond because I'm not gonna react out of fear thinking

1423
01:36:40.200 --> 01:36:41.720
I'm gonna get rejected

1424
01:36:41.720 --> 01:36:47.560
It's okay if they reject me because I don't want I want to be rejected by the person that God doesn't have for me

1425
01:36:48.280 --> 01:36:50.280
And that's okay

1426
01:36:50.320 --> 01:36:53.560
And I don't have to think that person's a bad person

1427
01:36:54.120 --> 01:37:00.320
It's just that that person's just not for me. I had to do the healing in myself and I will tell you ladies

1428
01:37:00.320 --> 01:37:01.960
That's not always easy

1429
01:37:01.960 --> 01:37:07.400
So like I'm sharing this with you Susan and not not to make like I don't want you to hear

1430
01:37:07.440 --> 01:37:13.360
I don't want there to be any heaviness on it because again, I I've experienced that too

1431
01:37:14.280 --> 01:37:17.320
It's just a it's a highlight of hey

1432
01:37:18.360 --> 01:37:24.400
we're many of us have been exactly where you've been and we get it and

1433
01:37:24.920 --> 01:37:32.080
I want you to lean into that. What does it mean to be God defended? What does it mean?

1434
01:37:32.120 --> 01:37:35.820
Into that what does it mean to be God defended?

1435
01:37:35.960 --> 01:37:39.560
What does it mean for God to show you wisdom and discernment?

1436
01:37:40.280 --> 01:37:42.280
so that you

1437
01:37:43.720 --> 01:37:46.760
You can walk into getting to know any

1438
01:37:47.400 --> 01:37:49.400
Guy that on a discovery date

1439
01:37:49.920 --> 01:37:51.920
without having to worry about

1440
01:37:53.560 --> 01:37:55.560
Needing to go click through

1441
01:37:55.560 --> 01:37:56.560
that

1442
01:37:56.560 --> 01:37:58.240
You know what?

1443
01:37:58.240 --> 01:38:03.960
I'm gonna look for other indicators and I'm gonna discern the three M's better

1444
01:38:04.200 --> 01:38:06.560
I'm gonna take time before I

1445
01:38:07.400 --> 01:38:13.760
Emotionally invest like what are some things that you can put guardrails for you?

1446
01:38:14.720 --> 01:38:18.080
To allow you to not open up to get hurt quite

1447
01:38:18.800 --> 01:38:22.240
Quite yet. You know what I'm saying? Does that does that does that register?

1448
01:38:22.240 --> 01:38:26.960
I mean, I feel like I really balanced about it. Like I I don't feel like I'm like, oh my gosh

1449
01:38:26.960 --> 01:38:30.200
I'm so excited about it. I'm like, I don't know him. We'll see his date was cool

1450
01:38:30.200 --> 01:38:31.960
but for some reason I just was like

1451
01:38:31.960 --> 01:38:37.600
I wonder if he has an Instagram like and then now it's like now I am suspicious because it's like it is

1452
01:38:38.080 --> 01:38:41.280
Like I don't want you to like so I would even just say like

1453
01:38:42.040 --> 01:38:44.040
Even when I'm not

1454
01:38:44.560 --> 01:38:50.680
Suspicious, but then it comes to that like spend time with Holy Spirit on that one. Like yeah, what?

1455
01:38:51.520 --> 01:38:59.560
What are you trying to reveal to me Lord like what can I what can I grow in right now like

1456
01:39:02.760 --> 01:39:04.760
Because here's the thing like I

1457
01:39:04.920 --> 01:39:10.160
Have I have been cheated on and there are times the enemy will want to come in. I

1458
01:39:11.680 --> 01:39:16.680
Mean in there ladies, there are times like my husband is on he he's on the phone all the time

1459
01:39:17.840 --> 01:39:19.760
and I'm like

1460
01:39:19.760 --> 01:39:27.400
There will be times where I'm like, what if and I'm like, oh my gosh, like if I look at that

1461
01:39:29.360 --> 01:39:31.360
And think that that's what's gonna

1462
01:39:31.720 --> 01:39:33.920
Like that's gonna create a distrust

1463
01:39:34.640 --> 01:39:42.160
Distrust and I'm like, I know better. God. God has shown me proof that my husband is a trustworthy person. I

1464
01:39:42.880 --> 01:39:47.040
Don't have to I don't have to go searching and then I can go to my husband be like, oh my gosh

1465
01:39:47.040 --> 01:39:49.040
You'll never believe what the enemy tried to do to me today

1466
01:39:50.520 --> 01:39:57.440
Like I literally had a thought what if what if you're messaging someone like

1467
01:39:58.360 --> 01:40:00.360
And he would just be like, oh my

1468
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.360
Gosh, you're crazy.

1469
01:40:01.360 --> 01:40:02.760
I'd be like, yeah, I know.

1470
01:40:02.760 --> 01:40:04.240
You know what I'm saying?

1471
01:40:04.240 --> 01:40:09.240
Like, it's about facing and being able to be open of,

1472
01:40:11.480 --> 01:40:14.600
hey, I'm aware that sometimes the enemy

1473
01:40:14.600 --> 01:40:16.880
wants to lie to me about these things.

1474
01:40:17.960 --> 01:40:20.040
And this is how I'm gonna fight it.

1475
01:40:20.040 --> 01:40:23.280
I'm not gonna play in to his hand.

1476
01:40:24.200 --> 01:40:25.920
I'm not gonna go searching.

1477
01:40:25.960 --> 01:40:30.960
But again, like this guy you've gone on one date with,

1478
01:40:32.320 --> 01:40:34.360
you might wanna put up a guardrail for yourself.

1479
01:40:34.360 --> 01:40:38.080
Like, it's okay to see if someone has an Instagram,

1480
01:40:38.080 --> 01:40:39.560
but I would give yourself, okay,

1481
01:40:39.560 --> 01:40:42.440
I'm gonna allow myself to know the person for three months

1482
01:40:42.440 --> 01:40:44.400
until I look at their Instagram.

1483
01:40:44.400 --> 01:40:45.240
Yeah.

1484
01:40:46.520 --> 01:40:47.360
Yeah.

1485
01:40:47.360 --> 01:40:48.800
And then before I look at it, I'd be like,

1486
01:40:48.800 --> 01:40:52.400
hey, this is, and have a conversation with them prior.

1487
01:40:52.400 --> 01:40:53.760
Like, whatever that looks like.

1488
01:40:53.760 --> 01:40:56.520
Again, you get to go to the Lord

1489
01:40:56.520 --> 01:41:00.040
and let him speak to you of how you navigate that.

1490
01:41:01.400 --> 01:41:02.240
Yeah.

1491
01:41:02.240 --> 01:41:03.400
So just, yeah.

1492
01:41:03.400 --> 01:41:05.560
I mean, I trust myself to see the red flags

1493
01:41:05.560 --> 01:41:07.720
just between interactions.

1494
01:41:07.720 --> 01:41:10.200
So it'll, I mean, something else will come up

1495
01:41:10.200 --> 01:41:11.800
that will be a no.

1496
01:41:12.720 --> 01:41:14.200
But spend some time this week,

1497
01:41:14.200 --> 01:41:18.560
like if there's anything about that situation that comes up

1498
01:41:18.560 --> 01:41:20.240
that's making you second guess,

1499
01:41:20.240 --> 01:41:24.720
like how do I now approach this interaction?

1500
01:41:24.720 --> 01:41:25.560
Yeah.

1501
01:41:25.560 --> 01:41:27.000
Share that with us, and we can walk through that.

1502
01:41:27.000 --> 01:41:28.600
I mean, what, do you suggest anything?

1503
01:41:28.600 --> 01:41:29.840
Or just keep getting to know him?

1504
01:41:29.840 --> 01:41:30.680
I think he's probably-

1505
01:41:30.680 --> 01:41:31.520
Just keep getting to know him,

1506
01:41:31.520 --> 01:41:34.080
because again, like you guys are not in a commitment.

1507
01:41:34.080 --> 01:41:34.920
Right.

1508
01:41:34.920 --> 01:41:36.640
We're just getting to know each other.

1509
01:41:36.640 --> 01:41:40.520
Now, obviously, because you've seen this,

1510
01:41:40.520 --> 01:41:43.000
if there's some indicators of things

1511
01:41:43.000 --> 01:41:45.600
like moving in a direction,

1512
01:41:45.600 --> 01:41:48.840
there's probably gonna be a time

1513
01:41:48.840 --> 01:41:50.760
where you're gonna come clean with him.

1514
01:41:50.760 --> 01:41:54.640
If this continues and you go on a few more dates,

1515
01:41:54.640 --> 01:41:57.920
I, my suggestion is say,

1516
01:41:57.920 --> 01:42:01.640
hey, so I have something to confess.

1517
01:42:01.640 --> 01:42:05.280
I was looking at your Instagram, and this is what I saw.

1518
01:42:05.280 --> 01:42:07.200
Can you help me understand that?

1519
01:42:07.200 --> 01:42:10.160
I don't wanna overthink this.

1520
01:42:11.240 --> 01:42:12.680
And it's gonna, it's,

1521
01:42:12.680 --> 01:42:14.800
there are gonna be some discomfort there.

1522
01:42:14.800 --> 01:42:16.360
Yeah.

1523
01:42:16.360 --> 01:42:17.200
Yes.

1524
01:42:17.240 --> 01:42:20.560
I don't think I'm gonna look at guys' Instagrams anymore.

1525
01:42:20.560 --> 01:42:21.840
And use that.

1526
01:42:21.840 --> 01:42:23.480
And here's the thing,

1527
01:42:23.480 --> 01:42:24.960
because if you do something

1528
01:42:24.960 --> 01:42:28.240
and you have to go own honestly to that person,

1529
01:42:28.240 --> 01:42:29.080
because here's the thing,

1530
01:42:29.080 --> 01:42:30.160
is if this person is someone

1531
01:42:30.160 --> 01:42:34.080
that you wanna enter a covenant marriage with someday,

1532
01:42:34.080 --> 01:42:39.080
any man, okay, how would you honor that man?

1533
01:42:39.600 --> 01:42:41.520
How would you honor a man

1534
01:42:41.520 --> 01:42:44.320
that you would walk into marriage with?

1535
01:42:44.320 --> 01:42:46.520
You would honor him with honesty.

1536
01:42:48.000 --> 01:42:53.000
And so what your actions and your choices

1537
01:42:54.480 --> 01:42:57.280
will model that, because you know you're,

1538
01:42:57.280 --> 01:42:59.840
I mean, it's no different than like,

1539
01:42:59.840 --> 01:43:02.720
really how we, as Christians, it's like,

1540
01:43:03.600 --> 01:43:08.600
I walk my life because my God knows every thought,

1541
01:43:09.280 --> 01:43:13.520
not even every action, every thought that I have.

1542
01:43:13.880 --> 01:43:18.880
So I'm accountable to God with everything.

1543
01:43:22.160 --> 01:43:27.160
The next person that you are accountable to on this earth

1544
01:43:27.480 --> 01:43:29.880
will be the person you enter marriage with.

1545
01:43:31.480 --> 01:43:34.280
And so that honesty will be there.

1546
01:43:34.280 --> 01:43:39.280
And so showing up and making choices

1547
01:43:40.200 --> 01:43:45.200
based on what would I have to get honest about

1548
01:43:46.680 --> 01:43:48.360
and sharing that with him and saying,

1549
01:43:48.360 --> 01:43:49.560
hey, I'm gonna come clean,

1550
01:43:49.560 --> 01:43:51.560
this is gonna be super embarrassing.

1551
01:43:53.800 --> 01:43:56.160
I mean, obviously you're not gonna do it right away.

1552
01:43:56.160 --> 01:43:57.760
Like, get to know him a little bit,

1553
01:43:57.760 --> 01:44:00.360
because that's a lot in the very, very beginning.

1554
01:44:00.360 --> 01:44:02.880
But if you see, like, things are progressing

1555
01:44:02.880 --> 01:44:05.440
and you are interested and he's interested in you,

1556
01:44:06.320 --> 01:44:08.880
there's gonna be a, and here's the thing,

1557
01:44:09.480 --> 01:44:13.680
and when we're honest and we share this,

1558
01:44:13.680 --> 01:44:16.600
we get to see how they respond.

1559
01:44:16.600 --> 01:44:20.440
And that in itself, God is indicating to us

1560
01:44:22.040 --> 01:44:24.160
what that partnership would look like.

1561
01:44:25.320 --> 01:44:27.800
It's gonna be like, you want an honorable husband?

1562
01:44:27.800 --> 01:44:30.600
Then you're gonna go be really vulnerable to him

1563
01:44:30.600 --> 01:44:32.600
and you're gonna see how he responds.

1564
01:44:33.800 --> 01:44:36.200
And that's gonna show you,

1565
01:44:36.800 --> 01:44:40.480
is this man in alignment with me?

1566
01:44:40.480 --> 01:44:41.320
Yeah.

1567
01:44:41.320 --> 01:44:43.640
My, your heavenly father,

1568
01:44:43.640 --> 01:44:46.400
is he responding honorably to you

1569
01:44:47.320 --> 01:44:52.320
who just came to him in a submissive posture?

1570
01:44:55.240 --> 01:44:57.480
How is he responding to you?

1571
01:44:57.480 --> 01:44:59.240
Because here's the thing, like,

1572
01:44:59.240 --> 01:45:00.080
if we get

1573
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.540
Vulnerable with a man or a husband

1574
01:45:03.240 --> 01:45:09.000
That is like a women submit to a husband. That's very vulnerable ladies

1575
01:45:11.920 --> 01:45:16.320
The husband is to love his bride like Christ loved the church

1576
01:45:16.840 --> 01:45:23.240
There's a nurturing there's a comforting there's an empathy that goes there. There's a respect and a love and a consideration

1577
01:45:25.160 --> 01:45:27.160
Holding that vulnerability and

1578
01:45:27.840 --> 01:45:29.540
like

1579
01:45:29.540 --> 01:45:31.540
Making it a safe space

1580
01:45:31.700 --> 01:45:35.180
So how he responds to that will tell you a lot

1581
01:45:36.140 --> 01:45:37.700
and

1582
01:45:37.700 --> 01:45:39.340
That's okay

1583
01:45:39.340 --> 01:45:41.340
It will stretch you

1584
01:45:41.460 --> 01:45:43.460
getting vulnerable and

1585
01:45:43.700 --> 01:45:47.080
Honest will stretch every single one of us

1586
01:45:51.540 --> 01:45:54.480
But I like that you're like I'm not gonna look at any more Instagram

1587
01:45:54.600 --> 01:45:59.600
So do that and if that enough stuff like I can't look at any more Instagrams because if I do

1588
01:46:00.280 --> 01:46:02.760
I'm gonna have to admit that I did this

1589
01:46:03.640 --> 01:46:08.160
Know if I'm ready to do that quite yet because I don't really know this person right very well

1590
01:46:08.160 --> 01:46:10.220
I don't know how they would respond to me

1591
01:46:11.160 --> 01:46:17.820
so you'll know you could go look at someone's Instagram when you feel safe enough to have the

1592
01:46:18.560 --> 01:46:23.080
Conversation with them that hey, I went and looked at your Instagram today. And this is what I saw

1593
01:46:24.720 --> 01:46:28.480
That's when you know, it's safe for you to look at their Instagram

1594
01:46:29.280 --> 01:46:30.680
right

1595
01:46:30.680 --> 01:46:35.920
Because then you feel safe to have the conversation the honest conversation with them, right?

1596
01:46:36.840 --> 01:46:42.800
Yeah, thank you. I feel better. Yeah, I could be jumping conclusions. Maybe it really is just a friend. I mean and

1597
01:46:43.760 --> 01:46:45.760
Maybe it's not I mean, that's what I'm saying. We don't

1598
01:46:46.360 --> 01:46:51.560
Yeah, I mean, yeah, like okay. Hold on. What what did God highlight to me? What can I learn from this?

1599
01:46:51.800 --> 01:46:52.760
Yeah, for sure

1600
01:46:52.760 --> 01:46:58.840
I'm sure I'm a little bit triggered from the past because it hasn't been that long and I've been investigating the past recently and

1601
01:46:59.320 --> 01:47:03.160
Finding all this stuff that I was lied to about from years. So I think it's just

1602
01:47:03.960 --> 01:47:09.080
Yeah, it's go back through your heart work stuff like go back to that content

1603
01:47:09.080 --> 01:47:13.960
Go back through the healing for revealing go back through the forgiveness stuff ladies healing is in layers

1604
01:47:15.440 --> 01:47:16.480
It really is

1605
01:47:16.480 --> 01:47:21.960
I mean I have like things that I still like things that I have gone through forgiveness and in past

1606
01:47:22.160 --> 01:47:25.840
Relationships and it will sometimes service and I have to go back. I mean like, okay

1607
01:47:25.840 --> 01:47:28.960
There's another layer here that I got a better forgive and let go of

1608
01:47:30.000 --> 01:47:32.960
Because God will reveal something new to me and I'm like, okay. Thank you Lord

1609
01:47:32.960 --> 01:47:39.040
I appreciate you giving that to me because I know the Lord reveals that stuff for my good

1610
01:47:39.960 --> 01:47:43.840
Because he has something to give to me. That's greater

1611
01:47:44.720 --> 01:47:46.720
And so I don't look at it as oh

1612
01:47:47.520 --> 01:47:49.520
God is trying to you know

1613
01:47:49.680 --> 01:47:51.920
Discipline me and you know, whatever

1614
01:47:52.480 --> 01:47:54.600
No, he's just saying okay, honey

1615
01:47:54.600 --> 01:47:59.520
Now you're ready to grow a little more because I got something even greater for you

1616
01:47:59.520 --> 01:48:04.680
So let's get you through this so I can you know, we can get you to this and then it's like, thank you Jesus

1617
01:48:04.680 --> 01:48:06.680
like thank you and

1618
01:48:07.840 --> 01:48:11.480
Shift our mindset and our posture that way. It really does make a difference

1619
01:48:12.360 --> 01:48:15.240
Thank you so much, and I know we didn't have a lot of questions

1620
01:48:16.120 --> 01:48:21.320
But Laura and and Susan, thank you so much for sharing that. I think we got a lot of

1621
01:48:22.160 --> 01:48:28.920
Really good teachable content from that. I hope you all learn some good stuff from the the three M's

1622
01:48:31.320 --> 01:48:33.960
I'm gonna just quickly look here through

1623
01:48:35.320 --> 01:48:37.320
Make sure I didn't miss any questions

1624
01:48:37.320 --> 01:48:44.120
And then this way if I did I can always respond in the app with them, I don't think I did I think

1625
01:48:45.640 --> 01:48:47.640
Think we are good

1626
01:48:49.160 --> 01:48:54.440
All right, ladies, we'll have a wonderful rest of your day and I will see you all later. All right

1627
01:48:55.640 --> 01:48:58.840
She had a question further up in the chat. I don't know if you do

1628
01:48:59.720 --> 01:49:03.320
Love that said that she had a question further up in the chat. Okay. Oh, I

1629
01:49:04.280 --> 01:49:09.640
Looking and looking after the first date is okay to suggest a fun activity if the man has not suggested getting together again

1630
01:49:09.960 --> 01:49:14.200
He has reached out after the date and I and we have a call set up for tonight

1631
01:49:15.000 --> 01:49:17.720
Yeah, I you can definitely, you know, just drop that

1632
01:49:19.400 --> 01:49:23.960
Has he oh and she's not I don't think she's here anymore if she sends it in replay

1633
01:49:24.520 --> 01:49:28.680
I don't think she's here. I don't think she's here. I don't think she's here. I don't think she's here

1634
01:49:28.680 --> 01:49:32.920
Has he oh and she's not I don't think she's here anymore if she sends it in replay

1635
01:49:33.320 --> 01:49:39.560
I will and i'll and she posts in the app. So i'll respond to one of her things too. So yeah, that's a great question

1636
01:49:40.120 --> 01:49:45.660
I typically like to let the guys lead that second date, but it's if he's connecting

1637
01:49:46.920 --> 01:49:50.520
And sharing and like like setting up another call

1638
01:49:51.640 --> 01:49:53.880
Like you can definitely drop a hint like

1639
01:49:53.880 --> 01:49:58.840
Oh, yeah, I might go do you know, I might go to this like

1640
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.560
and in the park thing on Saturday night.

1641
01:50:02.560 --> 01:50:03.840
Have you ever heard of it?

1642
01:50:03.840 --> 01:50:04.720
And see what they say,

1643
01:50:04.720 --> 01:50:07.160
like you can drop subtle hints of things

1644
01:50:07.160 --> 01:50:08.480
that are like to do,

1645
01:50:08.480 --> 01:50:11.360
or oh yeah, I had a friend that went ax throwing

1646
01:50:11.360 --> 01:50:13.200
and you know, I've never done it,

1647
01:50:13.200 --> 01:50:14.960
like I think it would be really cool.

1648
01:50:14.960 --> 01:50:16.840
Have you ever done it before?

1649
01:50:16.840 --> 01:50:20.120
And see kind of how they lead that.

1650
01:50:20.120 --> 01:50:22.360
You know, you can always drop little subtle hints

1651
01:50:22.360 --> 01:50:24.660
and see how they respond to that.

1652
01:50:26.880 --> 01:50:28.360
So, all right.

1653
01:50:28.360 --> 01:50:31.800
All right ladies, I'll talk to y'all later, okay?

1654
01:50:31.800 --> 01:50:32.640
Bye.