WEBVTT

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Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Supernatural Saturday.

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Today we are going to be doing a little healing work around the idea of mother.

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We're going to do a little pre-Mother's Day session here today on Supernatural Saturday.

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This has been a, for those of you that know my story, for those of you that have heard

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me teach over the years, you know that mother has been a very, very hurtful, hard thing

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for me, and also a very healing thing for me.

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And so you're like, how can that be possible, Jackie?

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Well, it can be possible, and it is, and it has been.

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And so I want to help all of you today.

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I hope that we will all leave this call more available to Holy Spirit.

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I believe that mother wounds specifically have a huge impact on us being able to receive

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the ministry of Holy Spirit, what He is doing in our lives.

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When you think about the Godhead, when you think about Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

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Holy Spirit is the most feminine of the three.

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It's obviously not a person, so not feminine, but the characteristics and the traits are

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most like what we consider the divine feminine.

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The Holy Spirit is described as a counselor, is described as a comforter, is described

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as wisdom.

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Proverbs talks about wisdom in the feminine, and the feminine form, it says that lady wisdom

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and wisdom, not that men are not wise, obviously they are.

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This has nothing to do with genders.

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This has to do with the attributes of God.

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All of us know, if we've read the beginning of the book, that God made us in His image,

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male and female, He made us in His image.

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God is both masculine and God is both feminine, and that means Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

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So all the aspects of God, when you put us together, man and woman, we show the fullness

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of God in a lot of ways, and especially when you put us in family, then we show the fullness

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of God, three in one.

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So many beautiful things to be seen there and to be taught there, but we are not going

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to teach about that today.

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We are just simply going to talk about this thing called mother.

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We talk so much about father wounds, we do.

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We talk so much about God being a father, and what is a father?

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Obviously God is not a person, right?

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He's a spirit.

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So how can we call Him our father?

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Because it has to do with the role that He plays in our life.

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It has to do with an identity that He gives us.

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It has to do with the DNA that we carry.

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It has to do with the idea of father, and I know a lot of us have stuff around dad and

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daddy wounds and father stuff, and maybe we'll go after that on Father's Day next month,

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but we don't talk enough, I don't think, about mother wounds and healing from mother wounds

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because mother wounds have a lot to do with your identity.

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Did you know, this is scientifically, sociologically true, let me talk to you about this really

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quick.

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In a family dynamic that's going to be healthy, if a child is born a female, she'll be with

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a mother until she's about eight or nine years old, okay?

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And all children need to be with their mothers, and for some of us, that wasn't possible.

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Our mother was sick, maybe our mother had passed away, our mother was not mentally available,

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our mother was a single mother, so she had to work, and so then she wasn't with us physically,

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she didn't have a lot of time or bandwidth for us.

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We'll go through all of that, but for whatever reason, we did not get the nurturing that

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we needed early in life.

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You guys, believe it or not, this is where attachment styles come from.

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Attachment styles don't come from dad, they come from mom.

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One of our success stories, a couple here in Austin that I match made, I actually introduced

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them to each other, they got married, I officiated their wedding, they just had their first baby.

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And the baby wants nothing to do with dad.

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The baby just wants mom, right?

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Because mom is where the milk is.

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Mom is what baby has been inside of mom this entire time, been growing and hearing mom's

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voice and feeling mom's heartbeat, and she's been in there.

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And so she just wants mom, I mean, dad can hold her and stuff, but she wants mom.

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And so children, they need us, they need us as mothers, they need their mothers, they

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need the feminine, and in early life, in the very beginning, very beginning, to feel safe,

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to feel secure.

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Do you know that a child, when it's born, it doesn't even know that it's a separate

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person from the mother?

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Did you know that?

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It doesn't even know that it's a separate person from the mother.

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That's why the that's why children go through that separation anxiety eventually,

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you know, because then they're finally starting to figure out that, you know,

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that they're a separate person from the mother and that the mother could actually leave.

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But is she coming back?

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And then as soon as a child is able to see that, OK, yeah, she left.

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She put me in my crib.

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She left the room.

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But every time I cry, guess what?

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She pokes her head and she comes back.

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What does that do?

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That begins to form secure attachment.

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When I cry, my caretaker responds.

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People are always like, why is that baby crying?

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Well, because it wants something and it doesn't have language yet.

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It wants something.

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It wants food.

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It wants its nappy changed.

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It wants, you know, just comfort.

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It just wants attention.

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It just wants to know that you're there.

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But some of us, we didn't have that.

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Our mothers were distracted.

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They were doing all kinds of other things.

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So here's what the attachment experiment did.

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They put children in a room with their favorite toys.

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These are toddlers, three to four years old.

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They put them in a room with with toys that a three or four year old would love to play with,

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like an exciting toys for that age range.

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And that room had a two-way mirror, just like, you know, the detective shows.

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It had a two-way mirror.

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And then they would ask the caregiver, whoever that was, whoever was raising that child,

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whether it was grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, an aunt, you know, a foster parent.

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It doesn't matter.

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Whoever that person was that that child knew as their primary caregiver was with them in the room.

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And then they would ask that person to kind of sneak out while the child was busy playing.

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The children that screamed and cried and could not be consoled until that caretaker came back in the room.

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And even when they came back in the room, the child was done playing.

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It wasn't going to let the caretaker out of its sight.

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It was going to hang on to the caretaker's leg.

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It was just not interested in playing at all anymore.

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Those were the anxious attachers.

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The ones that, you know, they are afraid that your love is going to be withdrawn.

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They're afraid that, you know, you're going to disappear and that you're never going to come back or you're not going to love them anymore.

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They were the anxious attached children.

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The children that cried for a little bit, you know, cried, you know, a couple cries like, hey, where's my caretaker?

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But then they kind of just started, they started playing still because they were confident that, yeah, they're not here.

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I don't know where they went, but they'll be back.

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And then when the caretaker came back in the room, they went over the caretaker, you know, hugged him or kissed him or whatever, and then kept playing.

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Because they just knew they were confident that that love was not going to be withdrawn from them forever.

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That love was going to continue to be available to them, that they were safe.

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They were safe.

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Yeah, it's a little uncomfortable.

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I'm in a strange room and my caretaker left, but they'll be back.

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They're not going to leave me here.

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I know that.

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I'm confident in them.

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I trust them.

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And then the third type of child was a type of child who didn't even notice that the caretaker left.

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They continue to play oblivious of the caretaker's absence because they were used to the caretaker not being there.

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They were used to the caretaker, you know, not meeting their needs.

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They were very independent in their spirits because they had already learned how to take care of themselves.

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I was that third child.

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I was that third child from a very young age.

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Just...

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Guys, I remember looking at the want ads.

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Okay, remember I was born in the 70s.

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I was born in 75.

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I remember looking at the want ads.

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Remember, it was all about newspapers back in the day.

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Newspapers and magazines.

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The internet didn't exist.

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Computers didn't exist.

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None of that existed.

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We got the newspaper every single morning.

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I would read the cartoons and then I would go straight to the want ads and I would look for jobs and look for apartments.

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You guys, I was like 10 years old.

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I was 10 and I was already trying to find a way out.

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What do I got to do?

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How much money is this?

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What's got to happen next?

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That would have been like 1985.

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And some of you, you understand.

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Okay, so in a healthy family dynamic, the children would both be with mom, whether you're a boy or a girl, until you're about eight.

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And then at eight years old, the daughter would kind of gravitate towards becoming a daddy's girl.

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Okay, wanting to be with dad, you know, dad's the best kind of thing.

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And she would probably stay that way mentally and emotionally until puberty.

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And in puberty, she would gravitate back towards mom.

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Remember, this isn't a healthy.

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healthy family dynamic.

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This is according to the, you know, the social experts, the psychological experts.

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And then she would never leave mom's side.

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After puberty, yeah, she loves dad.

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She's close to dad.

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But after puberty and on, you know, she would be, you know, in mom's charge, gravitating

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towards mom.

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Boys, different.

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Boys would be with mom until puberty.

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They'd be with mom until puberty.

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And what are they learning?

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They're learning emotional intelligence in a lot of ways.

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They're learning, they're being nurtured, they're being cared for.

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This is against the American idea that, oh, you know, that boy's got to get out here.

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He's got to work hard.

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He's got to do...

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No.

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It isn't until puberty that now the boy is kind of under dad's charge, fully.

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So he kind of gravitates towards dad when he gets to puberty.

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And then he stays with dad.

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He learns how to become a man.

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He already has all of the emotional framework from being with mom.

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And now he's with dad and he's learning how to do, like he's learning how to, what masculinity

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looks like, act it out.

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But a lot of people aren't raised this way.

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They say, hey, this is the best way.

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This is the way it should be.

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But many people, most people did not have that type of framework in their childhood.

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We want to focus on mothers today and maybe we'll focus on fathers and I'll have David

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be involved with that.

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But what I said at the beginning of this call is true.

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The idea of mother is the thing that hurt me the most in my life.

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My first broken heart came from my mom.

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My mom was a single mom and, you know, me and my brother, my brother's 18 months older

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than me.

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It was just the three of us.

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My mom used to sing this song.

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I don't remember who sings it, but the lyrics are something like, she was just 16 when I

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came to be, we grew up together.

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My mom, my mom, a child in me, like my mama was a child.

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And that's true.

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My mama was, my mama was a teenager when she had my brother.

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And then she was barely 20 years old when she had me.

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And she was married to our father who was not a good man at that time.

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A very immature young man who was, you know, doing a lot of bad things, had some mental

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health issues, addiction issues, fidelity issues.

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A lot of things were happening and my mom was going through a lot of things after having

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been raised in a family that was very destructive already.

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So but you know, as a little child, I didn't know any of that.

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All I knew is that mom was never around.

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Mom could not be found.

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Mom was someone that we needed to take care of and that we needed to protect because she

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couldn't take care of herself.

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I remember many times as a child, finding my mom passed out somewhere, drunk somewhere.

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She wasn't an addict, but she would just drink herself sick when this man would not show

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up or not be where he was supposed to be.

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And she would just do things like this sporadically and, you know, we would find her somewhere.

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We lived on the, we lived on the beach, we lived on the lake.

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We would drag her up, me and my brother, we'd drag her up from the beach, all 110 pounds

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of her, because she was just a tiny thing and put her to bed, you know, we'd find her

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in the garage sitting in her car because she had barely made it home from whatever escapade,

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you know, she was on with this, with this no good guy and, you know, cried herself to

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sleep in her car and, you know, pulled her in the house and, you know, this is the kind

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of mama that we had when we were little.

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And she, you know, tried three times to find a better man.

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Three times my mom was married before I was even 10 years old and none of them were good.

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And it wasn't great.

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It wasn't a great childhood.

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And I loved my mom, but I didn't realize until just recently, I became deeply, I became deeply

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responsible for her, deeply responsible for her wellbeing and for her safety, carrying

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a lot of her trauma in my own body.

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See some of you guys think that your intrusive thoughts and the things that you're dealing

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with, you think they come from you, the things that you're worried about, but they don't.

232
00:14:26.580 --> 00:14:33.420
They come from things that you started carrying of your own mothers when you were in her womb.

233
00:14:33.420 --> 00:14:41.740
Her worries, her fears, the things that she was thinking about, the things that, you know,

234
00:14:41.740 --> 00:14:46.540
gave her nightmares and woke her up in the middle of the night.

235
00:14:46.540 --> 00:14:53.500
You were carrying those things, carrying them in your own body.

236
00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:57.540
And I just recently, because my mom has passed, my mom's been passed for six years.

237
00:14:57.540 --> 00:14:59.700
In fact, my mom's birthday is next Wednesday.

238
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.000
And I just recently realized I was just so caring,

239
00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:09.720
so much of the things that haunted her.

240
00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:12.700
And I want us to let go of those things today.

241
00:15:12.700 --> 00:15:14.700
I'm hoping that that's what's going to happen.

242
00:15:14.700 --> 00:15:17.480
So tomorrow's Mother's Day and you know,

243
00:15:17.480 --> 00:15:20.320
this weekend is maybe beautiful for some of you

244
00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:21.920
and deeply painful for others.

245
00:15:21.920 --> 00:15:24.680
For those of you that have great, incredible moms,

246
00:15:24.680 --> 00:15:26.080
you know, this session is still for you

247
00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:28.760
because you've probably been hurt by the feminine

248
00:15:28.760 --> 00:15:30.720
in some way in your life.

249
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:33.840
Maybe not your mother, but the feminine.

250
00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:37.640
You know, some woman somewhere, a friend, a colleague,

251
00:15:37.640 --> 00:15:42.640
a boss, a coach, someone, someone, a spiritual mentor,

252
00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:44.340
someone in your life.

253
00:15:45.700 --> 00:15:47.440
So this weekend, tomorrow,

254
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:49.640
people will be celebrating amazing mothers

255
00:15:51.520 --> 00:15:54.780
and some people like me will be grieving mothers

256
00:15:54.780 --> 00:15:59.260
that we lost and others will be grieving mothers

257
00:15:59.260 --> 00:16:01.060
that they never really had.

258
00:16:01.060 --> 00:16:01.900
You know what?

259
00:16:01.900 --> 00:16:04.700
You know, it has been hard since my mom passed away,

260
00:16:04.700 --> 00:16:07.700
but I have to say this is that most of my life

261
00:16:07.700 --> 00:16:12.140
from about 14 years old on, I was grieving my mother,

262
00:16:12.140 --> 00:16:13.540
even though she was alive.

263
00:16:14.500 --> 00:16:16.820
There were many years that I had to be no contact

264
00:16:16.820 --> 00:16:17.900
with my mom.

265
00:16:17.900 --> 00:16:21.420
She wasn't healthy enough for me to have any contact with.

266
00:16:21.420 --> 00:16:24.420
Every time I would get any amount of healing,

267
00:16:24.700 --> 00:16:28.700
just even one conversation with her could undo so much of it

268
00:16:29.820 --> 00:16:34.820
and I just, I had to grieve her when she was alive.

269
00:16:35.100 --> 00:16:37.460
So some of you are like that, you're estranged.

270
00:16:38.740 --> 00:16:42.240
You're hurting, you need boundaries with mom,

271
00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:45.200
but you feel really guilty for having boundaries.

272
00:16:46.420 --> 00:16:48.940
You know, let me see the hands of people who,

273
00:16:48.940 --> 00:16:51.180
mom's really not a safe person.

274
00:16:51.180 --> 00:16:54.020
She's still alive, but she's not really that safe.

275
00:16:54.580 --> 00:16:56.460
You love her, but you kind of love her from a distance

276
00:16:56.460 --> 00:16:59.100
because, you know, not that you don't see her,

277
00:16:59.100 --> 00:17:00.380
you might see her, but you know,

278
00:17:00.380 --> 00:17:02.340
you just know that you have to have good boundaries

279
00:17:02.340 --> 00:17:06.180
with her because anything's possible.

280
00:17:06.180 --> 00:17:08.020
And then everyone, keep those hands up

281
00:17:08.020 --> 00:17:09.780
and then everyone whose mothers are past,

282
00:17:09.780 --> 00:17:11.460
let's get your hands up.

283
00:17:11.460 --> 00:17:13.440
Your mom is no longer on the earth.

284
00:17:14.660 --> 00:17:16.220
Doesn't mean that she was a bad mom,

285
00:17:16.220 --> 00:17:17.740
it just means she's no longer here

286
00:17:17.740 --> 00:17:22.500
and obviously that causes its own amount of grief, right?

287
00:17:24.940 --> 00:17:27.579
And a lot of us deal with, hey, you know,

288
00:17:27.579 --> 00:17:29.800
we really love our parents, we love our moms,

289
00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:33.480
but we also know that they didn't become the person

290
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:35.180
that they could have become,

291
00:17:35.180 --> 00:17:37.620
especially as you grow in knowledge

292
00:17:37.620 --> 00:17:39.220
and you know what's available,

293
00:17:40.260 --> 00:17:42.860
your parents stopped somewhere along the road.

294
00:17:42.860 --> 00:17:45.180
They didn't grow in their understanding of God.

295
00:17:45.180 --> 00:17:47.140
They didn't grow in their understanding of family.

296
00:17:47.140 --> 00:17:50.100
They didn't grow in their understanding of, you know,

297
00:17:50.100 --> 00:17:52.740
what they could have, inner healing, you know,

298
00:17:52.780 --> 00:17:54.940
physical healing, whatever it was.

299
00:17:54.940 --> 00:17:56.180
They didn't go any further.

300
00:17:56.180 --> 00:17:57.980
You guys know what I'm talking about?

301
00:17:58.900 --> 00:18:00.100
And that breaks our hearts, right?

302
00:18:00.100 --> 00:18:03.700
Cause we love them and we want them to experience

303
00:18:03.700 --> 00:18:05.160
what we're experiencing,

304
00:18:06.120 --> 00:18:08.500
but they either didn't do it and they went to heaven

305
00:18:08.500 --> 00:18:11.700
and of course now you guys they're having all of it, right?

306
00:18:11.700 --> 00:18:13.660
But we wanted to experience them having it.

307
00:18:13.660 --> 00:18:15.700
We wanted to experience them having a good life.

308
00:18:15.700 --> 00:18:17.780
We wanted to experience them being out of pain.

309
00:18:17.780 --> 00:18:20.700
We wanted to experience them forgiving whoever hurt them.

310
00:18:20.700 --> 00:18:22.420
We wanted to see that, didn't we?

311
00:18:23.660 --> 00:18:25.180
We wanted to see that.

312
00:18:25.180 --> 00:18:26.820
I know I wanted to see it.

313
00:18:26.820 --> 00:18:28.980
My mom did some of that work before she passed

314
00:18:28.980 --> 00:18:30.340
and I'm so thankful that she did.

315
00:18:30.340 --> 00:18:31.980
I'm so thankful I got to see it,

316
00:18:31.980 --> 00:18:35.040
but there was so many other things that I wanted for her.

317
00:18:35.040 --> 00:18:36.900
My mom was an incredible woman

318
00:18:36.900 --> 00:18:41.140
and she could have done so much more with her life

319
00:18:41.140 --> 00:18:44.300
and it grieves me even though she's not alive

320
00:18:44.300 --> 00:18:46.360
and I'm like, Jackie, this ship has sailed.

321
00:18:46.360 --> 00:18:48.740
Why does this still grieve you?

322
00:18:48.740 --> 00:18:50.700
But sometimes it still grieves me.

323
00:18:51.700 --> 00:18:53.660
So regardless of whether you have an amazing mother,

324
00:18:53.660 --> 00:18:56.380
she's your best friend, I'm my daughter's best friend.

325
00:18:56.380 --> 00:18:58.700
I'm my daughter's, I'm their best friend.

326
00:18:59.900 --> 00:19:01.500
That's why I said that motherhood,

327
00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:03.740
motherhood is something that has hurt me,

328
00:19:03.740 --> 00:19:05.540
my mom's motherhood and it's also something

329
00:19:05.540 --> 00:19:07.440
that has healed me, my own motherhood.

330
00:19:08.540 --> 00:19:10.780
So whether you're estranged with your mother,

331
00:19:10.780 --> 00:19:13.280
whether you still feel angry, maybe you feel guilty,

332
00:19:13.280 --> 00:19:14.660
maybe you're hurting, maybe you're not,

333
00:19:14.660 --> 00:19:17.500
maybe you have boundaries, maybe you don't,

334
00:19:17.540 --> 00:19:21.140
maybe some of you are the mother that I'm talking about

335
00:19:21.140 --> 00:19:23.220
and you're carrying shame.

336
00:19:23.220 --> 00:19:24.780
You're carrying shame because you know

337
00:19:24.780 --> 00:19:27.180
that you were not the best mother that you could be

338
00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:29.260
and your children are grown now.

339
00:19:29.260 --> 00:19:31.260
And maybe some of you still have children at home

340
00:19:31.260 --> 00:19:33.460
and you feel like you're not being the mother

341
00:19:33.460 --> 00:19:36.460
that you wanna be because you're single

342
00:19:36.460 --> 00:19:38.860
and because you haven't been able to give them

343
00:19:38.860 --> 00:19:40.620
a good representation of a father

344
00:19:40.620 --> 00:19:42.660
or because you don't have enough time

345
00:19:42.660 --> 00:19:45.140
because you're working or you've made mistakes

346
00:19:45.140 --> 00:19:47.200
and you've been in relationships with people

347
00:19:47.900 --> 00:19:49.120
who have hurt you and your children

348
00:19:49.120 --> 00:19:52.300
have been along for that ride and now you're carrying shame

349
00:19:52.300 --> 00:19:55.160
because you never wanted your children to have pain

350
00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:56.340
and yet here we are.

351
00:19:58.520 --> 00:20:00.520
And then there's a whole other category.

352
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.000
We have some of you that you really wanted to be a mother,

353
00:20:04.200 --> 00:20:05.840
but life unfolded differently

354
00:20:07.040 --> 00:20:09.280
than you dreamed and imagined.

355
00:20:09.280 --> 00:20:10.320
For whatever reason,

356
00:20:10.320 --> 00:20:13.340
you didn't have a chance to become a mother.

357
00:20:13.340 --> 00:20:14.560
And maybe you still have a chance

358
00:20:14.560 --> 00:20:16.200
to become a mother biologically.

359
00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:19.960
All of us have a chance to become a mother to someone,

360
00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:22.040
regardless of your age.

361
00:20:22.040 --> 00:20:23.880
But for some of you,

362
00:20:23.880 --> 00:20:28.400
that time of reproductive life has gone.

363
00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:29.880
You're in your 50s, 60s,

364
00:20:29.880 --> 00:20:33.640
maybe 70s, you don't have any biological children,

365
00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:35.800
and that's a deep wound.

366
00:20:35.800 --> 00:20:37.940
Maybe you even felt like,

367
00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:40.840
you're not just that you missed out on something,

368
00:20:40.840 --> 00:20:42.480
but that God failed you

369
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:44.640
because you always wanted marriage and family.

370
00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:46.960
And for whatever reason, it didn't happen.

371
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:48.960
So this morning is not supposed to be a downer.

372
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:51.520
It's obviously not about condemnation.

373
00:20:51.520 --> 00:20:52.480
It's about healing.

374
00:20:53.600 --> 00:20:58.600
Because some of us are still trying at 45, 55, 35, 65,

375
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:04.180
to receive something that we did not receive

376
00:21:04.180 --> 00:21:06.080
at five years old.

377
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:09.680
We're still out here trying to earn approval.

378
00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:14.280
You know, even if you think that you had great parents

379
00:21:14.280 --> 00:21:15.900
and a great mother specifically,

380
00:21:15.900 --> 00:21:18.120
because you're really loyal to her,

381
00:21:18.120 --> 00:21:20.280
maybe she's passed and you're loyal to her memory.

382
00:21:20.280 --> 00:21:21.420
No, no, no, she was great.

383
00:21:21.420 --> 00:21:23.400
Yeah, she wasn't perfect, but she was great.

384
00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:24.240
But if you're out here

385
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:26.700
still trying to earn approval from people,

386
00:21:26.700 --> 00:21:28.800
if you're still terrified of rejection,

387
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.960
for all of you that are always over-explaining yourselves,

388
00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:36.880
always over-explaining why you want something,

389
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:37.880
why you did this,

390
00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:41.400
always worried about what someone is gonna say.

391
00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:45.240
So you're over-explaining, trying to make everyone happy,

392
00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:47.440
trying to make sure no one gets mad at you.

393
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:49.120
You're out here shape-shifting.

394
00:21:49.120 --> 00:21:51.520
You're trying to be whatever people want you to be.

395
00:21:51.520 --> 00:21:53.000
You're performing for love.

396
00:21:54.120 --> 00:21:57.720
You still are anxious when people pull away.

397
00:21:57.720 --> 00:21:59.280
You just wanna lock people down.

398
00:21:59.640 --> 00:22:01.880
You wanna keep people from leaving you.

399
00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:03.480
That's mom wounds, y'all.

400
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:07.600
I don't care if you're loyal to mom.

401
00:22:07.600 --> 00:22:09.740
No one's asking you to be disloyal.

402
00:22:09.740 --> 00:22:12.520
That means that you didn't get something that you needed.

403
00:22:12.520 --> 00:22:14.820
And I'm asking you if we could heal it today.

404
00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:17.480
Everyone put your hands down.

405
00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:26.400
If you saw yourself in anything that I just said

406
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:28.440
and anything that I'm gonna say,

407
00:22:28.440 --> 00:22:31.440
you got some mom wounds going on.

408
00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:33.280
And that doesn't mean your mom's a terrible person.

409
00:22:33.280 --> 00:22:36.040
It doesn't mean you're saying she's a terrible person.

410
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:39.680
Everyone get your hands down.

411
00:22:40.600 --> 00:22:42.720
And men, this is about you too.

412
00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:44.200
You guys all had mothers too.

413
00:22:44.200 --> 00:22:47.000
It may seem like I'm talking to the ladies, but I'm not.

414
00:22:47.000 --> 00:22:49.000
I'm talking to you.

415
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:50.440
I'm talking to you guys.

416
00:22:51.760 --> 00:22:53.720
Because some men learned really early

417
00:22:54.680 --> 00:22:56.900
through mom or through some other woman

418
00:22:56.900 --> 00:22:59.220
that women are emotionally unsafe.

419
00:23:00.220 --> 00:23:02.540
Flying off the handle, going into rages,

420
00:23:02.540 --> 00:23:05.580
having temper tantrums, yelling at you,

421
00:23:05.580 --> 00:23:08.620
degrading you, calling you names, whatever it is,

422
00:23:08.620 --> 00:23:11.540
taking out their anger about dad on you,

423
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:14.100
not being emotionally available.

424
00:23:14.100 --> 00:23:17.100
Men learned early that women are not emotionally,

425
00:23:17.100 --> 00:23:18.380
they're not emotionally safe.

426
00:23:18.380 --> 00:23:20.560
They learned that through some woman.

427
00:23:20.560 --> 00:23:24.160
They learned that vulnerability with women was dangerous.

428
00:23:25.120 --> 00:23:25.960
Right?

429
00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:27.040
They shut down emotionally

430
00:23:27.040 --> 00:23:30.120
because the feminine energy around them felt chaotic,

431
00:23:30.120 --> 00:23:32.840
controlling, manipulative, critical,

432
00:23:32.840 --> 00:23:34.880
maybe emotionally absent.

433
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:38.120
Maybe they felt rejected by the women in their life.

434
00:23:41.080 --> 00:23:43.600
Guys, this is just as much about you

435
00:23:43.600 --> 00:23:45.560
as it is about the ladies.

436
00:23:45.560 --> 00:23:46.640
But what we need to understand

437
00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:49.200
is that mother wounds do not stay in childhood.

438
00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:52.560
That's what I'm trying to get across to all of us today.

439
00:23:52.560 --> 00:23:56.040
They follow us into every area of our lives.

440
00:23:56.040 --> 00:23:57.180
They follow us into dating.

441
00:23:57.180 --> 00:23:58.020
And here's the thing,

442
00:23:58.020 --> 00:24:01.000
you can have a mom that's been there right by your side

443
00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:03.820
through everything, but she's also really controlling.

444
00:24:03.820 --> 00:24:05.400
And you haven't really seen it that way

445
00:24:05.400 --> 00:24:06.920
because you're just glad and thankful

446
00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:09.360
that she's been with you and been there for you.

447
00:24:10.560 --> 00:24:15.560
But she's also really inserted herself in a lot of things.

448
00:24:15.760 --> 00:24:19.180
She's also really wanted you to do things a certain way.

449
00:24:19.180 --> 00:24:20.880
And she's pushed you to do those things.

450
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:22.080
And she's become upset

451
00:24:22.080 --> 00:24:23.600
if you didn't do those things that way

452
00:24:23.600 --> 00:24:26.100
because she just wants what's best for me.

453
00:24:26.100 --> 00:24:26.940
Well, okay.

454
00:24:28.080 --> 00:24:29.400
But you're a grown person.

455
00:24:31.840 --> 00:24:35.220
And that's why these things sometimes are covert.

456
00:24:35.220 --> 00:24:36.500
They're not even overt.

457
00:24:36.500 --> 00:24:38.680
They follow us into dating, into marriage,

458
00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:42.080
into any kind of attachment that we have with anyone.

459
00:24:42.080 --> 00:24:43.720
This is your first relationship.

460
00:24:43.720 --> 00:24:47.020
Mom is the first relationship, not dad, mom.

461
00:24:48.020 --> 00:24:51.500
This is so much of your identity.

462
00:24:51.500 --> 00:24:55.540
This comes out in your parenting, in your leadership.

463
00:24:55.540 --> 00:24:57.720
It comes out in the way you interact with other people,

464
00:24:57.720 --> 00:24:59.220
even in your friendships.

465
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.680
It also comes out in your relationship with God.

466
00:25:05.880 --> 00:25:06.880
It comes out.

467
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:09.000
Let's look at a few scriptures, you guys.

468
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:11.240
Psalms 2710.

469
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:13.120
Psalm 2710.

470
00:25:13.120 --> 00:25:16.320
Though my father and mother forsake me,

471
00:25:16.320 --> 00:25:20.080
the Lord will receive me or the Lord will take me up.

472
00:25:20.080 --> 00:25:21.680
The Lord will make me his own.

473
00:25:23.080 --> 00:25:26.400
Right here, through the psalmist,

474
00:25:26.440 --> 00:25:29.960
God is acknowledging parental wounds.

475
00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:35.520
You guys know that David was rejected, right?

476
00:25:35.520 --> 00:25:37.240
There's a lot of word on the street

477
00:25:37.240 --> 00:25:40.100
that David was an illegitimate child.

478
00:25:40.100 --> 00:25:43.080
This is the reason why he wasn't lined up with the brothers

479
00:25:43.080 --> 00:25:46.760
when the prophet came to anoint one of them as king.

480
00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:50.040
When the prophet came to Jesse's house,

481
00:25:50.040 --> 00:25:52.200
David was out in the field with the sheep.

482
00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:53.040
Why?

483
00:25:53.040 --> 00:25:58.000
Because he was a shameful part of his father's history.

484
00:25:59.520 --> 00:26:02.820
His mother was not his father's wife.

485
00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:05.280
This is the story.

486
00:26:05.280 --> 00:26:08.120
This is the word on the street, right?

487
00:26:08.120 --> 00:26:10.560
So David knew a little bit about being rejected.

488
00:26:10.560 --> 00:26:12.600
Though my father and mother forsake me,

489
00:26:12.600 --> 00:26:14.060
the Lord will receive me.

490
00:26:16.440 --> 00:26:18.080
God's acknowledging that, you know,

491
00:26:18.080 --> 00:26:20.440
you could be forsaken by your parents.

492
00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:23.140
He's not pretending these kinds of wounds don't exist.

493
00:26:24.180 --> 00:26:27.320
And then we have Isaiah 49, 15.

494
00:26:27.320 --> 00:26:29.840
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast?

495
00:26:31.360 --> 00:26:33.760
Yeah, she can.

496
00:26:33.760 --> 00:26:37.460
Though she may forget, I will not forget you.

497
00:26:38.560 --> 00:26:41.100
He's saying right there that human love can fail.

498
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:44.160
Human love can fail sometimes,

499
00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:48.760
but God's love does not fail.

500
00:26:49.760 --> 00:26:52.160
God's love cannot fail.

501
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:55.400
God doesn't just have love.

502
00:26:55.400 --> 00:26:58.480
He is love and he cannot fail.

503
00:26:58.480 --> 00:27:00.560
Even though the humans in our lives,

504
00:27:00.560 --> 00:27:02.200
even if they did their best,

505
00:27:03.340 --> 00:27:05.520
their best sometimes comes up short y'all

506
00:27:05.520 --> 00:27:10.040
because they're humans, but God does not come up short.

507
00:27:10.040 --> 00:27:12.240
His love cannot fail us.

508
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:16.600
Ephesians 4, 31 and 32 is talking about getting rid

509
00:27:16.600 --> 00:27:17.440
of all the bitterness.

510
00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:18.280
You guys can read it later.

511
00:27:18.780 --> 00:27:19.620
We're kind of running short on time.

512
00:27:19.620 --> 00:27:20.720
I'm gonna push forward.

513
00:27:22.120 --> 00:27:24.520
Talks about getting rid of bitterness.

514
00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:30.340
Guys, unforgiveness turns to bitterness eventually.

515
00:27:30.340 --> 00:27:33.340
It poisons us, even if we don't know it.

516
00:27:33.340 --> 00:27:37.360
And bitterness will keep us emotionally chained

517
00:27:37.360 --> 00:27:38.880
to whatever wounded us.

518
00:27:40.320 --> 00:27:42.880
You will not be able to break free from that thing.

519
00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:46.000
You won't.

520
00:27:46.840 --> 00:27:48.720
Remember, I say that

521
00:27:51.840 --> 00:27:54.120
if you're not willing to release someone

522
00:27:54.120 --> 00:27:55.800
from what they've done to you,

523
00:27:55.800 --> 00:27:57.680
like release their identity,

524
00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:00.200
then you have to keep being the thing

525
00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:01.560
that you've become because of it.

526
00:28:01.560 --> 00:28:03.360
So for instance, they lied.

527
00:28:03.360 --> 00:28:04.900
They lied to you.

528
00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:06.980
They lied about you.

529
00:28:06.980 --> 00:28:08.480
You become the lied about.

530
00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:09.320
They abused you.

531
00:28:09.320 --> 00:28:11.120
You become the abused.

532
00:28:11.120 --> 00:28:12.480
They cheated on you.

533
00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:15.000
So you become the cheated on.

534
00:28:15.040 --> 00:28:18.360
You don't have to keep holding onto that identity.

535
00:28:18.360 --> 00:28:22.080
When we forgive, we become unchained.

536
00:28:24.440 --> 00:28:26.240
We become untethered from that.

537
00:28:27.400 --> 00:28:29.100
And we give back our identity.

538
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:33.500
Our pain, pain is not our identity.

539
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:38.400
Someone needs to say that to themselves a thousand times.

540
00:28:38.400 --> 00:28:39.960
Pain is not my identity.

541
00:28:42.200 --> 00:28:43.520
Pain is not my identity.

542
00:28:45.520 --> 00:28:47.480
And you guys know, this is kind of HeartWork 101.

543
00:28:47.480 --> 00:28:49.280
For those of you that are in HeartWork,

544
00:28:49.280 --> 00:28:51.680
this is a really important phase

545
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:52.520
that you're in right now.

546
00:28:52.520 --> 00:28:56.040
This program is an important season of your life

547
00:28:56.040 --> 00:28:57.960
to really just do this work.

548
00:28:57.960 --> 00:29:00.640
Let Holy Spirit dig deep with you.

549
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:02.040
You know, Colossians 3.13 says,

550
00:29:02.040 --> 00:29:03.760
"'Forgive as the Lord has forgiven us.'"

551
00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:06.160
Forgiveness is such an important part,

552
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:08.720
not just of your healing, but of your freedom,

553
00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:10.120
of you walking in freedom.

554
00:29:10.120 --> 00:29:12.240
Forgiveness sets you free.

555
00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:14.000
I know we've heard it a million times,

556
00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:16.000
but forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you.

557
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:17.560
Forgiveness is for yourself.

558
00:29:20.520 --> 00:29:21.640
It really is.

559
00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:24.600
So let's talk about mom wounds for a little while here.

560
00:29:24.600 --> 00:29:26.160
We have about 30 minutes left.

561
00:29:27.400 --> 00:29:28.840
Wounded women, you guys.

562
00:29:28.840 --> 00:29:33.160
Wounded women often raise wounded people.

563
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:36.480
Our moms didn't just come out of the box

564
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:37.320
the way they were.

565
00:29:37.320 --> 00:29:39.360
For those of us that wish we had a different type of mom,

566
00:29:39.360 --> 00:29:41.120
wish that she could have been more available

567
00:29:41.120 --> 00:29:42.920
emotionally, physically,

568
00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:45.280
wish that she didn't have such a sharp tongue,

569
00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:49.160
wish that she would have shared her heart with you more,

570
00:29:49.160 --> 00:29:51.000
been more vulnerable with you, whatever it is,

571
00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:53.000
whatever it is that has hurt you about mom,

572
00:29:53.000 --> 00:29:55.360
even if she was a great mom,

573
00:29:55.360 --> 00:29:57.360
she didn't come out of the box that way.

574
00:29:58.880 --> 00:30:00.040
No one is waking up.

575
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.880
every day trying to destroy their children,

576
00:30:01.880 --> 00:30:03.360
even people that do heinous things

577
00:30:03.360 --> 00:30:05.020
that you read about on the news.

578
00:30:05.020 --> 00:30:08.120
Those people, they were the first victims.

579
00:30:10.260 --> 00:30:11.800
All it is is a lather, rinse, repeat.

580
00:30:11.800 --> 00:30:12.640
You know that, right?

581
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:14.640
And I'm not justifying it.

582
00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:16.040
I'm not saying it's okay.

583
00:30:16.040 --> 00:30:17.920
And I'm not saying, oh, they were hurt.

584
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:21.800
So we're just gonna turn our head to that.

585
00:30:21.800 --> 00:30:23.240
No, I'm not saying that.

586
00:30:24.140 --> 00:30:25.980
But I wanna give us some context.

587
00:30:26.980 --> 00:30:30.020
The curse looks different on everybody.

588
00:30:31.900 --> 00:30:34.600
And these people were abused, most of them.

589
00:30:35.860 --> 00:30:38.100
They didn't just wake up with an evil streak.

590
00:30:39.540 --> 00:30:41.680
Usually people that hurt us are people

591
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:43.820
that are just trying to survive themselves.

592
00:30:45.700 --> 00:30:47.100
You hear it all the time.

593
00:30:47.100 --> 00:30:48.680
Hurting people hurt people.

594
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:52.300
But we also know that healed people heal people.

595
00:30:52.820 --> 00:30:57.820
So some mothers, they lost themselves.

596
00:30:58.740 --> 00:31:01.380
They lost the plot somewhere along the line

597
00:31:01.380 --> 00:31:03.940
because they were just trying to survive.

598
00:31:03.940 --> 00:31:06.020
Religion makes people mean.

599
00:31:06.020 --> 00:31:07.420
I'm just gonna tell you that right now.

600
00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:10.540
Some people grew up in really strict religious environments

601
00:31:10.540 --> 00:31:13.260
and then they pushed that on you as your parent.

602
00:31:13.260 --> 00:31:16.280
They were always telling you how mean and bad God was

603
00:31:16.280 --> 00:31:17.500
and how he was gonna get you

604
00:31:17.500 --> 00:31:19.280
if you didn't do what you're supposed to do.

605
00:31:19.280 --> 00:31:22.720
I'll never forget, right after I was saved at 22,

606
00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:25.760
after I gave my heart to Jesus, I had a radical conversion.

607
00:31:25.760 --> 00:31:30.380
I went to visit my grandma, my mother's mother in Tennessee.

608
00:31:30.380 --> 00:31:34.280
And this lady had been a baptized, born again,

609
00:31:34.280 --> 00:31:36.920
spirit-filled Pentecostal all of my life.

610
00:31:36.920 --> 00:31:41.240
And I was super scared of her because she was just mean.

611
00:31:41.240 --> 00:31:44.720
She was the one that'd be like, go cut me a switch.

612
00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:48.120
She just wanna send you out to get your own weapon

613
00:31:48.120 --> 00:31:50.400
in which she was going to then beat you with.

614
00:31:50.400 --> 00:31:52.560
Anyone else have a grandma like this?

615
00:31:52.560 --> 00:31:55.280
And my mom was raised by this woman, all right?

616
00:31:55.280 --> 00:31:57.360
She was raised by this woman.

617
00:31:57.360 --> 00:32:02.360
She wanted me to go out and find a stick of some sort

618
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:05.720
and bring it back to her so that she could beat me with it.

619
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:08.120
Y'all, can we just talk about this for a second?

620
00:32:10.280 --> 00:32:13.880
Because people think the Bible says to do this.

621
00:32:13.880 --> 00:32:15.920
I don't have time to teach on this right now,

622
00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:19.560
but corporal punishment is not what the Bible

623
00:32:19.560 --> 00:32:22.080
is talking about when it's talking about correction,

624
00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:23.480
just so you know.

625
00:32:23.480 --> 00:32:26.360
So if you were spanked by a well-meaning parent

626
00:32:26.360 --> 00:32:28.720
who thought that they were doing the Lord's will

627
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:33.720
by spanking you with a belt, with a flip-flop,

628
00:32:33.760 --> 00:32:37.200
with their hand, with whatever was available

629
00:32:37.200 --> 00:32:40.240
that they grabbed when they started coming at you,

630
00:32:40.240 --> 00:32:41.840
that was not of God.

631
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:45.640
And I wanna release you from that pain right now.

632
00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:49.080
They took a verse that someone was teaching them,

633
00:32:49.080 --> 00:32:51.440
meant one thing, and that's not what it meant.

634
00:32:53.240 --> 00:32:55.800
Yes, you wanna correct behavior in children.

635
00:32:56.760 --> 00:32:59.200
God corrects those that he loves.

636
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:02.080
But there is nowhere in those scriptures,

637
00:33:02.080 --> 00:33:03.760
in the actual original language,

638
00:33:03.760 --> 00:33:08.760
that it means physical pain or punishment, just so you know.

639
00:33:10.480 --> 00:33:11.720
And we won't teach on that today

640
00:33:11.720 --> 00:33:12.560
because it'll be too long.

641
00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:14.880
But if you guys need that and you need healing

642
00:33:15.160 --> 00:33:19.400
from physical abuse from your parents, I will teach that

643
00:33:20.760 --> 00:33:22.320
because I want to teach that.

644
00:33:25.080 --> 00:33:27.000
I never spanked my kids.

645
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:28.880
It didn't feel right to me.

646
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:30.400
My kids got punished.

647
00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:35.400
They got corrected, but they didn't get physically hit.

648
00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:43.520
So some of you had that.

649
00:33:43.520 --> 00:33:48.520
Anyway, my grandma, she sent me out there to get that,

650
00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:52.240
to get that switch.

651
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:54.360
But I was the grandkid that you sent me out

652
00:33:54.360 --> 00:33:57.320
to get the switch and I just never came back, okay?

653
00:33:58.800 --> 00:34:01.120
Listen, my mama didn't raise no fool.

654
00:34:01.120 --> 00:34:03.300
I did not come back, all right?

655
00:34:04.200 --> 00:34:05.800
I just went off and played,

656
00:34:05.800 --> 00:34:07.840
and then eventually grandma was,

657
00:34:07.840 --> 00:34:09.480
she was done with her rage.

658
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:14.400
I knew how to outweigh grandma's rage.

659
00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:16.199
She was just rageful in the minute.

660
00:34:16.199 --> 00:34:17.840
If you just waited a couple hours,

661
00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:20.520
then she was feeding you biscuits and buttermilk.

662
00:34:20.520 --> 00:34:23.320
You didn't, you just had to just wait it out a little bit.

663
00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:26.920
But for those obedient grandchildren that went, came,

664
00:34:26.920 --> 00:34:29.199
oh, oh, oh, and they went out and they got the switch

665
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:30.239
and they came right back, yeah,

666
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:33.040
they were gonna get beat because she was raging.

667
00:34:33.040 --> 00:34:36.120
You don't ever give a raging person a weapon against you.

668
00:34:36.120 --> 00:34:38.000
Yes, I was always smart.

669
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:39.440
I was always street smart, y'all.

670
00:34:40.280 --> 00:34:41.120
I was out here surviving

671
00:34:41.120 --> 00:34:43.360
from the time I came out of my mother's womb.

672
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:46.719
But religion is what traumatized this woman,

673
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:49.199
and it's what caused her to traumatize other people.

674
00:34:49.199 --> 00:34:51.199
Do you see what I'm trying to say here?

675
00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:58.600
Some people, they were raised in very insecure families,

676
00:34:58.600 --> 00:35:00.100
so they became very insecure.

677
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.400
Does anyone ever have a parent be jealous of you?

678
00:35:05.800 --> 00:35:09.700
It's just like they want you to do well, but just not better than them.

679
00:35:13.100 --> 00:35:16.180
A lot of people deal with that you guys I've coached so many people over the

680
00:35:16.200 --> 00:35:19.400
last 29 years of my life and I'm telling you.

681
00:35:21.600 --> 00:35:23.700
People deal with parents

682
00:35:24.500 --> 00:35:27.980
that are jealous of them and jealous of their talents and jealous of their

683
00:35:27.980 --> 00:35:31.180
beauty and jealous of their opportunities.

684
00:35:32.980 --> 00:35:33.980
It's gross.

685
00:35:34.780 --> 00:35:36.480
But it exists in the curse.

686
00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:37.780
It exists

687
00:35:38.580 --> 00:35:39.980
in our cursed state.

688
00:35:41.880 --> 00:35:45.180
Some mothers were just single and they just lost themselves in exhaustion.

689
00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:48.260
They wanted to be a better mother to you, but they just were too exhausted to

690
00:35:48.280 --> 00:35:49.080
be a better mother.

691
00:35:49.080 --> 00:35:50.580
They were just trying to survive.

692
00:35:51.180 --> 00:35:55.060
They had bitterness themselves against their parents and against, you know,

693
00:35:55.060 --> 00:35:59.260
their former spouse or your the baby daddy or whoever.

694
00:36:00.060 --> 00:36:03.160
They were trying to recover from abuse, but they didn't have the tools.

695
00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:05.160
They were emotionally immature.

696
00:36:05.160 --> 00:36:09.460
You guys know that when abuse starts in your life, your growth is stunted.

697
00:36:11.560 --> 00:36:12.960
Your growth gets stunted

698
00:36:13.660 --> 00:36:16.060
at whatever age your abuse starts.

699
00:36:16.160 --> 00:36:18.560
You kind of stop progressing emotionally.

700
00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:23.460
And so some of us had really immature parents, petty parents.

701
00:36:25.560 --> 00:36:29.260
A lot of people became mothers before they ever should have.

702
00:36:29.260 --> 00:36:30.860
They became mothers very young.

703
00:36:32.660 --> 00:36:35.040
They didn't just become mothers before they were healed because some of them

704
00:36:35.060 --> 00:36:39.340
never got healed because once again, a lot of our mothers never had access to

705
00:36:39.360 --> 00:36:41.060
the tools that we have right now.

706
00:36:41.660 --> 00:36:45.660
How many of you, whether you love mom or not, whether she did her best or not,

707
00:36:46.160 --> 00:36:49.040
how many of you would love for your mother to experience what you're

708
00:36:49.060 --> 00:36:50.160
experiencing right now?

709
00:36:50.560 --> 00:36:52.440
You would love for her to experience the ministry of Holy Spirit.

710
00:36:52.460 --> 00:36:56.140
You would love for her to experience just the knowledge and revelation that

711
00:36:56.160 --> 00:36:59.760
God has given you over the course of your spiritual development.

712
00:37:00.060 --> 00:37:04.340
You would have loved for her to even have lived long enough to see the

713
00:37:04.360 --> 00:37:08.960
advances in science and the maybe she died of something that is curable now.

714
00:37:12.260 --> 00:37:15.560
You would have loved for her to experience the supernatural Saturday.

715
00:37:15.660 --> 00:37:17.140
You would have loved to have seen her healed supernaturally.

716
00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:20.640
That's my, you know, guys, we prayed nonstop for my mom to get healed and

717
00:37:20.660 --> 00:37:23.540
she did have a lot of healing and we thought she was going to fully get

718
00:37:23.560 --> 00:37:25.360
healed, but instead she went to heaven.

719
00:37:28.560 --> 00:37:31.440
And you know what God told me after the fact after my mom had been passed

720
00:37:31.460 --> 00:37:33.940
for a couple years and this was really hard pill to swallow, but I'm going

721
00:37:33.960 --> 00:37:37.040
to share it with you guys and please don't apply this to your own situation

722
00:37:37.060 --> 00:37:38.460
because this is just for me.

723
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:41.860
It could be for you too, but I'm going to share it with you guys.

724
00:37:41.960 --> 00:37:44.840
But when I was really just having it out with the Lord a couple years after my

725
00:37:44.860 --> 00:37:49.040
mom passed because I was still deeply grieving why she wasn't fully healed on

726
00:37:49.060 --> 00:37:53.440
earth and you know, and God basically told me that my mom had so much self

727
00:37:53.460 --> 00:37:57.160
bitterness that she couldn't receive healing from him.

728
00:37:57.660 --> 00:37:59.760
Like she never thought she was worthy of it.

729
00:38:01.560 --> 00:38:04.240
She would, she would, she would believe it for just a couple minutes, but then

730
00:38:04.260 --> 00:38:07.240
she would go to heaven and she would go to heaven and she would go to heaven

731
00:38:08.240 --> 00:38:11.220
and she would, she would, she would believe it for just a couple minutes,

732
00:38:11.240 --> 00:38:14.440
but then she would go right back to partnering with that.

733
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:16.940
She just didn't deserve anything good to happen to her.

734
00:38:18.440 --> 00:38:20.740
And here's the thing that God said to me that really hurt.

735
00:38:21.140 --> 00:38:22.740
He said, Jackie, I know it's hard for you.

736
00:38:22.740 --> 00:38:26.720
He said, but she's better where she is because she was in a lot of pain, not

737
00:38:26.740 --> 00:38:27.940
just because she was sick.

738
00:38:28.240 --> 00:38:31.620
He said, even before she was sick, she was in a lot of emotional pain all of

739
00:38:31.640 --> 00:38:32.140
her life.

740
00:38:32.140 --> 00:38:33.940
She's been in so much self-hatred.

741
00:38:34.140 --> 00:38:37.820
She's been in so much emotional pain and I know you wanted to keep her on the

742
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:42.520
earth, but she's, she's better with me because she wasn't going to let go of

743
00:38:42.540 --> 00:38:43.140
it.

744
00:38:46.140 --> 00:38:48.340
You guys, my mom wasn't going to let go of it.

745
00:38:49.340 --> 00:38:51.640
She was going to keep circling back around to it.

746
00:38:52.040 --> 00:38:56.240
She had a wound so deep that she wasn't going to let it heal.

747
00:38:57.740 --> 00:38:58.340
Come on.

748
00:38:59.940 --> 00:39:01.840
You guys, please let's not be those people.

749
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:06.440
Please don't be the person that thinks you have to keep cycling in pain.

750
00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:18.540
Please believe God loves you.

751
00:39:20.540 --> 00:39:23.140
And his love for you has nothing to do with you.

752
00:39:25.440 --> 00:39:26.140
Zero.

753
00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:28.640
It's not about your performance.

754
00:39:28.640 --> 00:39:30.240
It's not about your virtue.

755
00:39:30.340 --> 00:39:31.440
It's not about you.

756
00:39:32.840 --> 00:39:34.840
He loves you because he is love.

757
00:39:40.440 --> 00:39:41.540
He wants to bless you.

758
00:39:41.540 --> 00:39:45.040
Can you receive his blessings even when you don't deserve them?

759
00:39:45.040 --> 00:39:47.940
Can you receive his blessings without having to earn them?

760
00:39:47.940 --> 00:39:49.740
Because you can't earn them.

761
00:39:49.740 --> 00:39:55.920
Some of you are never going to be able to overcome whatever it is that makes

762
00:39:55.940 --> 00:39:58.040
you feel disqualified.

763
00:39:58.040 --> 00:40:00.040
So you just have to be blessed.

764
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.080
disqualified. Can you do it?

765
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:06.400
Can you do it?

766
00:40:09.560 --> 00:40:12.440
Because I'm just going to tell you, it's a reason why some of you are single.

767
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:14.560
I'm not trying to condemn you and I'm not trying to shame you,

768
00:40:14.560 --> 00:40:19.280
but you just really don't deep down believe that you can sustain a healthy

769
00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:20.120
relationship.

770
00:40:23.280 --> 00:40:26.160
Some of you have been standing right in front of love and have not been able to

771
00:40:26.160 --> 00:40:29.480
receive it because you've picked it apart simply because you're scared.

772
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:34.080
You thought it wasn't the right thing simply because you don't believe that you

773
00:40:34.080 --> 00:40:35.400
deserve the real thing.

774
00:40:39.080 --> 00:40:41.480
That's an internal thought. That's an unconscious thought.

775
00:40:47.400 --> 00:40:49.440
None of this is supposed to erase our pain friends,

776
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:54.080
but it's supposed to help us to identify it and release it. We can't erase it.

777
00:40:54.480 --> 00:40:55.520
We can replace it.

778
00:40:55.520 --> 00:41:00.520
We've got to acknowledge what hurt us and what's still hurting us.

779
00:41:06.120 --> 00:41:10.240
And the hardest part about mother wounds is we love our mothers. I love my mom.

780
00:41:10.560 --> 00:41:13.320
I still love her so, so, so much,

781
00:41:13.360 --> 00:41:17.800
so deeply more than anyone else in my entire life I've ever, ever loved.

782
00:41:18.920 --> 00:41:21.160
So I can't let her be the villain of the story.

783
00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:24.000
I don't want her to be the villain of the story.

784
00:41:26.360 --> 00:41:30.360
Because I do believe in my heart of hearts that she did truly the best she

785
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:33.040
could with the tools that she had,

786
00:41:34.720 --> 00:41:36.640
but the tools that she had still hurt me.

787
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:41.600
So you guys, when we have mother wounds,

788
00:41:41.600 --> 00:41:42.520
I want to just lead up,

789
00:41:42.560 --> 00:41:46.680
read off a list that I put together here of some of the things you might develop

790
00:41:46.680 --> 00:41:49.720
if you have a mommy wound. Okay. People pleasing,

791
00:41:49.720 --> 00:41:53.240
people pleasing, anxious attachment,

792
00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:56.680
over-functioning ladies,

793
00:41:56.680 --> 00:41:59.840
especially you over-function in relationships.

794
00:42:02.080 --> 00:42:05.440
You just try to do everything for that person so that they'll never leave.

795
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:08.320
You don't realize that's what you're doing when you're over-functioning,

796
00:42:08.320 --> 00:42:10.840
when you're making all the plans, when you're doing all the things,

797
00:42:10.840 --> 00:42:11.640
when you're,

798
00:42:11.640 --> 00:42:14.320
you're doing everything so that they don't have to do anything.

799
00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:19.040
It's because you want to make relationship with you so easy that they never even

800
00:42:19.040 --> 00:42:21.440
think about leaving. And that's with your children too.

801
00:42:21.600 --> 00:42:25.440
Stop doing all this stuff for your kids. You're messing them up. I love you,

802
00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:26.600
but you're messing your kids up.

803
00:42:26.760 --> 00:42:30.200
They've got to learn how to do it for themselves. I know you think, Oh,

804
00:42:30.200 --> 00:42:32.600
I just don't want a bad relationship with my children.

805
00:42:32.600 --> 00:42:36.680
And so I'm just going to do anything that they want. Anytime they want it. No,

806
00:42:38.640 --> 00:42:40.240
that's going to backfire on you.

807
00:42:41.600 --> 00:42:45.240
Cause the first time that you're not able to do what they want you to do,

808
00:42:46.840 --> 00:42:47.880
it ain't going to be pretty.

809
00:42:50.040 --> 00:42:54.000
Some people get hyper independent when they have a mother wound like me.

810
00:42:54.800 --> 00:42:59.800
I was off on my own trying to live my best life at 10 years

811
00:42:59.800 --> 00:43:04.080
old on my own. You guys, this is embarrassing to say,

812
00:43:04.080 --> 00:43:05.080
but I'm just going to tell you,

813
00:43:05.240 --> 00:43:09.800
I became so used to my needs being denied as a, as a young child.

814
00:43:11.040 --> 00:43:14.160
I became so used to my needs being denied. I can't, I be,

815
00:43:14.200 --> 00:43:18.760
I became so used to asking for something and not receiving it,

816
00:43:18.760 --> 00:43:21.800
not being told, Oh no, we don't have the money for it. Just not being,

817
00:43:22.080 --> 00:43:24.360
just not, not it, not given to me.

818
00:43:24.920 --> 00:43:28.200
I know when you guys hear my story and you hear about how I went to foster care

819
00:43:28.200 --> 00:43:31.960
in a girl's home, it probably sounds like I was raised poor. I wasn't.

820
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:37.280
My family was rich. My mom was rich. My mom was married to rich men.

821
00:43:37.520 --> 00:43:42.040
She was married three times before I was 10 years old to millionaires. Okay.

822
00:43:42.200 --> 00:43:43.320
To rich people.

823
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:44.920
Okay.

824
00:43:44.920 --> 00:43:49.920
But my mom was so distracted that I had holes in my shoes because she just

825
00:43:50.360 --> 00:43:52.960
didn't buy me anything. She didn't go shopping. She didn't do anything.

826
00:43:53.160 --> 00:43:55.280
I'm embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed to say this.

827
00:43:55.560 --> 00:43:58.520
Now I would have been embarrassed to say this, you know,

828
00:43:58.520 --> 00:44:00.400
maybe 20 years ago,

829
00:44:01.080 --> 00:44:05.280
but I became so used to my needs not being fulfilled that I, I, you know,

830
00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:07.920
I'm 10 years old. I'm not going to make any money. I started stealing.

831
00:44:08.920 --> 00:44:11.240
I started stealing you guys.

832
00:44:11.880 --> 00:44:15.640
I started going over my friend's house for sleepovers and taking their stuff.

833
00:44:16.120 --> 00:44:21.120
I started going into the coat room in second grade and stealing people's snacks

834
00:44:22.280 --> 00:44:25.240
because once again, my mother forgot to pack me a lunch.

835
00:44:27.360 --> 00:44:31.200
We had tons of money, but I didn't have a lunch.

836
00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:36.200
We had snack. You guys at like nine 30,

837
00:44:36.200 --> 00:44:37.800
10 o'clock in the morning, there was snack.

838
00:44:37.800 --> 00:44:41.240
There was one part like a short recess and snack time.

839
00:44:41.720 --> 00:44:44.480
You just ate the snack you brought. And then there was lunch.

840
00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:46.640
And that lunch lady knew me.

841
00:44:46.640 --> 00:44:50.600
I will never forget her Mrs. Ross because I would come to her at lunchtime and I'd

842
00:44:50.600 --> 00:44:52.520
be like, I don't have a lunch.

843
00:44:53.000 --> 00:44:56.640
And she'd give me a free lunch and she put it on her little fake IOU.

844
00:44:57.120 --> 00:44:58.240
I don't know. I don't know.

845
00:44:58.240 --> 00:44:59.240
I don't know. I don't know.

846
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.640
owed that lady hundreds of dollars by the time school was over.

847
00:45:05.640 --> 00:45:06.640
She gave me a lunch.

848
00:45:06.640 --> 00:45:07.920
She didn't know I had a rich family.

849
00:45:07.920 --> 00:45:11.800
She probably thought I was poor.

850
00:45:11.800 --> 00:45:13.120
Mrs. Ross, God bless you.

851
00:45:13.120 --> 00:45:16.600
I know you're in heaven because you were as old as the hills back then.

852
00:45:16.600 --> 00:45:23.400
So bless her, Lord, bless Mrs. Ross, the lunch lady.

853
00:45:24.400 --> 00:45:30.480
But you guys, I started stealing because I became hyper-independent.

854
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:33.880
And when you're 10 years old, independence looks like stealing because how else are you

855
00:45:33.880 --> 00:45:34.880
going to be independent?

856
00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:48.440
I used to steal money from my grandpa's wallet because he was really old and he had a lot

857
00:45:48.440 --> 00:45:49.440
of money.

858
00:45:50.160 --> 00:45:55.200
I mean, to me, $50 was like a million dollars.

859
00:45:55.200 --> 00:45:57.520
I remember my brother stole $50 from my grandpa.

860
00:45:57.520 --> 00:45:58.520
He was stealing too.

861
00:45:58.520 --> 00:46:00.480
He stole $50 from my grandpa.

862
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:02.240
He went to Radio Shack.

863
00:46:02.240 --> 00:46:04.680
Remember Radio Shack?

864
00:46:04.680 --> 00:46:09.720
He went to Radio Shack and he bought something and he got busted.

865
00:46:09.720 --> 00:46:11.880
He got busted because he had whatever that was.

866
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:14.120
And my mom was like, where'd you get this from?

867
00:46:14.120 --> 00:46:16.400
And he's like, oh, a friend gave it to me.

868
00:46:16.400 --> 00:46:17.400
Oh, you know what?

869
00:46:17.400 --> 00:46:22.440
I remember he went to Radio Shack, but then he also went and he bought these fake diamond

870
00:46:22.440 --> 00:46:24.840
earrings from like Gold Circle.

871
00:46:24.840 --> 00:46:26.440
You guys remember Gold Circle?

872
00:46:26.440 --> 00:46:27.440
All right.

873
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:33.160
He went to Woolworths or whatever and he bought these little fake like women's earrings.

874
00:46:33.160 --> 00:46:36.880
And he took a needle and an ice cube and he pierced his own ear because this was back

875
00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:40.280
in the day, Michael Jackson, George Michaels.

876
00:46:40.280 --> 00:46:44.640
My brother just wanted this big diamond in one of his ears and it got really infected

877
00:46:44.760 --> 00:46:47.760
and my mom freaked out.

878
00:46:47.760 --> 00:46:49.960
Oh, gosh.

879
00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:54.120
Thank you, Lord, for the 80s.

880
00:46:54.120 --> 00:46:55.760
All right.

881
00:46:55.760 --> 00:46:59.920
So women, you're going to develop maybe people pleasing, some over-functioning men.

882
00:46:59.920 --> 00:47:03.640
You're going to just emotionally shut down with mommy wounds.

883
00:47:03.640 --> 00:47:07.400
You're not going to be able to access your emotional center because remember, boys are

884
00:47:07.400 --> 00:47:09.600
supposed to stay with mom until puberty.

885
00:47:09.600 --> 00:47:12.720
You're supposed to learn that it's safe to feel.

886
00:47:12.800 --> 00:47:17.920
Come on, guys, that it's safe to have emotions, that it's safe to have feelings.

887
00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:21.760
So you're going to be emotionally shut down if you didn't get that from mom, if she always

888
00:47:21.760 --> 00:47:26.600
told you to stop crying, to be a man, stop being a baby, if she forced you to become

889
00:47:26.600 --> 00:47:32.160
the man of the family because you didn't have a dad and you just had to skip childhood totally.

890
00:47:32.160 --> 00:47:37.180
And some of you guys have developed distrust of women because of feminine wounds.

891
00:47:37.180 --> 00:47:38.180
Maybe it wasn't mom.

892
00:47:38.180 --> 00:47:42.640
Maybe you have a sister that's really mean to you, bullied you, an older sister.

893
00:47:42.640 --> 00:47:45.240
You know, maybe your first wife, who knows?

894
00:47:45.240 --> 00:47:48.620
You develop a distrust of women when you have feminine wounds.

895
00:47:48.620 --> 00:47:52.160
You develop a fear of vulnerability, guys.

896
00:47:52.160 --> 00:47:57.920
Emotional avoidance, maybe difficulty receiving nurture, receiving someone taking care of

897
00:47:57.920 --> 00:48:00.960
you or helping you.

898
00:48:00.960 --> 00:48:04.440
These are just some of the things that might happen if the first feminine relationships

899
00:48:04.440 --> 00:48:10.120
in your life, regardless of what they were, moms, sisters, friends wounded you.

900
00:48:10.120 --> 00:48:14.760
It affects something so deep, you guys, and we have to stop waiting for closure because

901
00:48:14.760 --> 00:48:17.880
these people, they may still be alive, but they don't have language for what they did

902
00:48:17.880 --> 00:48:18.880
to you.

903
00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:23.640
And a lot of people cannot face what they broke in you because their own identity is

904
00:48:23.640 --> 00:48:24.640
too fragile.

905
00:48:24.640 --> 00:48:26.800
This is what happened to my mom.

906
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:31.360
The last year of her life, she called me at 10 o'clock at night and she tried to apologize

907
00:48:31.360 --> 00:48:35.880
to me for being a bad mother, but she didn't have language for it.

908
00:48:35.880 --> 00:48:37.280
It was very incomplete.

909
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:39.840
It definitely wasn't what I wanted to hear from her.

910
00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:40.840
I received it.

911
00:48:40.840 --> 00:48:45.160
I tried to be gracious, even though it was kind of disappointing to finally have her

912
00:48:45.160 --> 00:48:50.700
saying this to me and it to not really be what I wanted to hear, but my mom's identity

913
00:48:50.700 --> 00:48:51.700
was too fragile.

914
00:48:51.700 --> 00:48:56.040
She didn't understand.

915
00:48:56.040 --> 00:49:02.400
Our healing cannot be held hostage to another person's self-awareness.

916
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:07.580
That other person may never become self-aware enough to really truly give you the apology

917
00:49:07.580 --> 00:49:09.780
or the repentance that you deserve.

918
00:49:09.780 --> 00:49:13.500
We got to forgive them anyway.

919
00:49:13.500 --> 00:49:18.860
For those of you that still have unsafe relationships with some woman in your life, you obviously

920
00:49:18.860 --> 00:49:23.860
don't just, you know, it doesn't mean access, okay?

921
00:49:23.860 --> 00:49:26.780
It doesn't mean that you give them full access when you forgive them.

922
00:49:26.780 --> 00:49:28.940
It doesn't mean removing boundaries.

923
00:49:28.940 --> 00:49:33.860
It doesn't mean denying reality.

924
00:49:33.860 --> 00:49:38.740
When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean reconciliation unless there's healing.

925
00:49:38.740 --> 00:49:43.980
It doesn't mean that there's going to be trust if there's not been any change, okay?

926
00:49:43.980 --> 00:49:46.920
But bitterness has to be let go of.

927
00:49:46.920 --> 00:49:51.980
You need to say, I will not let this wound, I will not let this person's lack of self-awareness,

928
00:49:51.980 --> 00:49:56.660
their lack of identity become my lifelong prison.

929
00:49:56.660 --> 00:49:57.260
Not going to do it.

930
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.280
All right. Let's do some activations here. We have about seven minutes left.

931
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:13.040
I want you to ask yourself, what did I need emotionally in my life, even if it didn't come

932
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:18.800
from mom? Because the feminine is what's going to deliver that. What did I need emotionally

933
00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:22.560
that I did not receive? Go ahead and think about that for a second.

934
00:50:22.560 --> 00:50:32.480
What did I need? What kind of nurture did I need that I did not receive?

935
00:50:33.680 --> 00:50:36.400
And when you got something, go ahead and put it in the chat.

936
00:50:36.400 --> 00:50:56.000
And for those of you that are the mothers that you felt like you dropped the ball,

937
00:50:56.560 --> 00:50:59.680
I want you to release that guilt, that regret, that shame, that grief.

938
00:51:00.240 --> 00:51:05.760
Maybe your kids don't talk to you anymore. I want you to forgive yourself during this session.

939
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:11.440
I want you to release the shame of not doing better because you didn't know to do better.

940
00:51:12.880 --> 00:51:16.160
Just say over yourself, I release the shame of what I did not know.

941
00:51:16.160 --> 00:51:20.240
I forgive myself for the years that I was surviving instead of fully living.

942
00:51:24.240 --> 00:51:30.640
I forgive myself for any way that my pain and my trauma and my fear, my exhaustion,

943
00:51:31.200 --> 00:51:35.680
my insecurity, maybe your addiction, maybe religion, divorce, whatever

944
00:51:35.680 --> 00:51:38.800
affected how you mothered. Forgive yourself this morning.

945
00:51:40.320 --> 00:51:47.120
Repent for it. The words that cut your emotional absence, control. And for those of you that need

946
00:51:47.120 --> 00:51:53.120
to forgive someone else, forgive them of this. The way they criticized, the way they manipulated,

947
00:51:55.840 --> 00:51:58.720
release them to God this morning. For those of you that are the mothers,

948
00:51:58.720 --> 00:52:02.720
release your children to God. I believe your children are going to forgive you. I do.

949
00:52:05.840 --> 00:52:12.000
Release all self-hatred and receive the mercy of God, friends. Receive the love of God. Receive

950
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:17.520
the healing of God. Receive the wisdom for the future as you walk this stuff out with

951
00:52:17.520 --> 00:52:25.600
these folks because the story is not over. It's not over. For those of you that never got a chance

952
00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:31.280
to mother, release that disappointment. Release your comparison to other women. God has great

953
00:52:31.280 --> 00:52:36.560
things for you. Maybe even release the shame. You feel ashamed that you never got married,

954
00:52:36.560 --> 00:52:42.240
never had any children. Release it. God wants to fill that void. He wants to fill that space.

955
00:52:42.240 --> 00:52:48.000
If you'll let him, he will. For those of you that are still hoping to have children,

956
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:53.520
release the timeline. Stop fretting over it. Stop fearing it. Stop obsessing over it.

957
00:52:55.600 --> 00:53:02.720
Let it go. God knows. Renounce the lie that you've been forgotten. Renounce the lie that

958
00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:08.160
you're lesser than or that you're behind. Renounce it this morning. Renounce it. It's a lie.

959
00:53:14.720 --> 00:53:18.240
Release the trust that no part of your story has been wasted.

960
00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:25.360
I want you to say right now, God, I trust you with my future. I trust you with my future, God.

961
00:53:26.560 --> 00:53:27.600
I trust you.

962
00:53:37.440 --> 00:53:42.080
You have good things for me. You're going to fulfill my desire to mother.

963
00:53:45.280 --> 00:53:48.640
You're going to restore my children to me. For those of you that are estranged from them or

964
00:53:48.640 --> 00:53:53.920
they're mad at you or something's happening, you're going to restore my family. You're going

965
00:53:53.920 --> 00:54:02.320
to bring reconciliation. Yes, I'm healing and my children are off somewhere healing too,

966
00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:11.440
and they are going to be healed. For those of you that are needing to forgive someone that's hurt

967
00:54:11.440 --> 00:54:19.600
you, you're releasing them today. You're releasing them for what they didn't know, what they couldn't

968
00:54:19.600 --> 00:54:25.760
do, what they could have never given you, and you're breaking agreement with the lies that

969
00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:30.960
you believe because of that deficit. Right now, come on, break agreement with the lie that you're

970
00:54:30.960 --> 00:54:38.720
unwanted. Break agreement with the lie that you must earn love somehow. Guys, break the agreement

971
00:54:38.720 --> 00:54:46.640
with the lie that vulnerability is unsafe. You can emote. You've been created to emote.

972
00:54:46.720 --> 00:54:51.600
You can be vulnerable. Women are trustworthy. Women are safe.

973
00:54:53.440 --> 00:54:55.520
Break agreement with the lie that you're going to be abandoned,

974
00:54:58.000 --> 00:54:59.920
that your value depends on performance.

975
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.820
Come on, everyone.

976
00:55:05.820 --> 00:55:08.280
Let's receive the truth that we are loved.

977
00:55:08.280 --> 00:55:09.280
We are chosen.

978
00:55:09.280 --> 00:55:10.280
We are seen.

979
00:55:10.280 --> 00:55:11.280
We are safe.

980
00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:12.280
We are secure in God.

981
00:55:12.280 --> 00:55:13.280
We are secure in you.

982
00:55:13.280 --> 00:55:18.140
Guys, secure attachment just means that you know that you are accepted in the beloved,

983
00:55:18.140 --> 00:55:19.480
that you are his.

984
00:55:19.480 --> 00:55:22.280
You know who you are and whose you are.

985
00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:24.440
That's how you're going to become securely attached to humans.

986
00:55:24.440 --> 00:55:29.960
You have to first and foremost be securely attached to your identity in Christ, not based

987
00:55:29.960 --> 00:55:35.720
on your performance, not based on doing things right, not based on making the right decisions

988
00:55:35.720 --> 00:55:40.360
in the past, present or future, but based on the finished work of the cross of Jesus

989
00:55:40.360 --> 00:55:41.820
Christ.

990
00:55:41.820 --> 00:55:42.820
That is your identity.

991
00:55:42.820 --> 00:55:53.120
That is your full identity based on what Jesus did for you and as you on that cross.

992
00:55:53.120 --> 00:55:57.640
If you will believe this, if you will receive it, and you guys, it's not a one and done.

993
00:55:57.640 --> 00:55:58.760
It's every day.

994
00:55:58.760 --> 00:56:05.840
If you will believe it and you will receive it every day, you will find your relationship

995
00:56:05.840 --> 00:56:09.100
with humans changing.

996
00:56:09.100 --> 00:56:11.280
You can even say, yeah, you know, God, I dropped the ball.

997
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:14.120
I shouldn't have done that.

998
00:56:14.120 --> 00:56:18.000
I shouldn't have said that, but I still know that I'm accepted in the beloved.

999
00:56:18.000 --> 00:56:22.200
I know that you don't love me any less.

1000
00:56:22.280 --> 00:56:25.320
This might hurt your feelings, you guys, but God can't love you any more than he already

1001
00:56:25.320 --> 00:56:27.520
does and he also can't love you any less.

1002
00:56:27.520 --> 00:56:31.840
If you think that you're going to do things that are going to, you know, win God's heart,

1003
00:56:31.840 --> 00:56:33.480
you already won God's heart.

1004
00:56:33.480 --> 00:56:36.040
If you think that you're going to do all the right things and you're going to make the

1005
00:56:36.040 --> 00:56:39.360
right decisions, you're just going to be the best person you can be and you're just going

1006
00:56:39.360 --> 00:56:41.640
to make God fall more and more in love with you.

1007
00:56:41.640 --> 00:56:43.000
That's impossible.

1008
00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:48.360
God literally cannot love you any more than he already does and he literally cannot love

1009
00:56:48.360 --> 00:56:50.540
you any less than he already does.

1010
00:56:50.540 --> 00:56:51.600
His love is static.

1011
00:56:51.600 --> 00:56:52.600
It's constant.

1012
00:56:52.600 --> 00:56:55.040
It is not waxing and waning like the moon.

1013
00:56:55.040 --> 00:57:00.320
It doesn't get bigger with your good behavior and get lesser with your bad behavior.

1014
00:57:00.320 --> 00:57:06.800
It is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

1015
00:57:06.800 --> 00:57:10.040
Come on, it's true.

1016
00:57:10.040 --> 00:57:13.600
If you can't believe that, you can't believe anything because it is what everything else

1017
00:57:13.600 --> 00:57:17.960
is based on.

1018
00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:20.320
I wrote a song about it, one of the first songs I ever wrote.

1019
00:57:20.320 --> 00:57:25.800
I asked you guys, I've written a couple of little ditties, but it just says, this love,

1020
00:57:25.800 --> 00:57:30.200
it's not waxing, it's not waning, it's never changing.

1021
00:57:30.200 --> 00:57:31.200
And it just keeps going.

1022
00:57:31.200 --> 00:57:32.200
It just keeps repeating.

1023
00:57:32.200 --> 00:57:34.160
I don't remember the tune.

1024
00:57:34.160 --> 00:57:41.600
This love, it's not waxing, it's not waning, it's never changing.

1025
00:57:41.600 --> 00:57:42.600
Just a little ditty.

1026
00:57:42.600 --> 00:57:43.600
Sing it over yourself.

1027
00:57:43.600 --> 00:57:44.600
Come on.

1028
00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:45.600
Elsie, God loves you.

1029
00:57:45.600 --> 00:57:58.480
You guys know the Bible says that God thinks about us so much.

1030
00:57:58.480 --> 00:58:07.680
His thoughts of us are more than every grain of sand on every beach in the world.

1031
00:58:07.680 --> 00:58:12.440
And I've had at least a million grains of sand stuck to my butt after getting off the

1032
00:58:12.440 --> 00:58:13.440
beach.

1033
00:58:13.440 --> 00:58:18.120
And I'm telling you, that's an infinite number, more than the stars in the sky, more than

1034
00:58:18.120 --> 00:58:22.240
the grains on the beach, you guys, are His good thoughts of you, not just His thoughts

1035
00:58:22.240 --> 00:58:25.480
of you, His good thoughts of you.

1036
00:58:25.480 --> 00:58:28.460
He loves you so, so, so much.

1037
00:58:28.460 --> 00:58:33.480
And He wants to be both mother and father to you if you will allow that to happen.

1038
00:58:33.480 --> 00:58:40.920
And I know we're a couple of minutes over and I do not care.

1039
00:58:40.920 --> 00:58:42.920
Let Him heal you.

1040
00:58:42.920 --> 00:58:48.000
Be secure in His love so that you can be secure in human love.

1041
00:58:48.000 --> 00:58:53.440
Because when you believe and know that God loves you like this, nobody can hurt you.

1042
00:58:53.440 --> 00:58:58.600
Yeah, you'll be disappointed in behavior and you'll wish that it was different, but you

1043
00:58:58.600 --> 00:59:01.080
will not grieve it like you used to.

1044
00:59:01.080 --> 00:59:04.480
You will not let it affect your identity like you used to.

1045
00:59:04.480 --> 00:59:06.440
You won't.

1046
00:59:06.440 --> 00:59:14.560
Because you will know the only love that truly matters, that is eternal, that is eternal,

1047
00:59:14.560 --> 00:59:17.680
loves you fully and completely.

1048
00:59:17.680 --> 00:59:22.800
Now, for those of you that still have a mother left on the earth, and I don't care if she

1049
00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:28.920
was a good mother or a bad mother, part of you restoring your bloodline and part of you

1050
00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:32.160
guys being where whatever hurts you ends with you.

1051
00:59:32.160 --> 00:59:36.600
It stops with you, the rejection, the abandonment, the shame, all the things, the grief, the

1052
00:59:36.600 --> 00:59:40.120
caring of distrust and insecurity.

1053
00:59:40.120 --> 00:59:46.000
It's you going into that stinking card shop and buying a card that's the best card.

1054
00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:50.160
And yes, every single word on it is not true about your mom and I don't care.

1055
00:59:50.160 --> 00:59:54.560
You're going to send it to her in the mail and you're going to bless her because you're

1056
00:59:54.560 --> 00:59:58.560
going to speak to her higher identity, not the identity that she's been stuck in and

1057
00:59:58.560 --> 00:59:59.560
living in.

1058
00:59:59.560 --> 01:00:00.560
I.

1059
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.480
Even if you have no contact,

1060
01:00:00.560 --> 01:00:00.560


1061
01:00:01.480 --> 01:00:02.800
it doesn't mean you have to have a phone call.

1062
01:00:02.800 --> 01:00:04.780
It doesn't mean you have to go over for brunch.

1063
01:00:04.780 --> 01:00:08.500
It just means you're gonna send in the mail a card

1064
01:00:08.500 --> 01:00:12.980
that is going to call her up and bless her,

1065
01:00:12.980 --> 01:00:15.620
even if you never see her again on the earth,

1066
01:00:15.620 --> 01:00:17.360
even if it's never possible.

1067
01:00:17.360 --> 01:00:18.480
I don't care.

1068
01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:19.620
To the best mom.

1069
01:00:21.540 --> 01:00:23.500
To the best mom ever.

1070
01:00:23.500 --> 01:00:25.160
My mom asked me that question.

1071
01:00:25.160 --> 01:00:30.160
She asked me that question while she was dying.

1072
01:00:30.900 --> 01:00:32.660
She said, was I a good mom?

1073
01:00:39.100 --> 01:00:41.780
I said, yes, you were the best mom.

1074
01:00:48.860 --> 01:00:52.100
My only regret is that I didn't say it sooner.

1075
01:00:56.160 --> 01:00:58.420
Cause maybe she could've had some more peace.

1076
01:00:59.920 --> 01:01:02.520
Because you guys, I just wanna let you know something.

1077
01:01:02.520 --> 01:01:05.080
People don't need to hear what they did wrong.

1078
01:01:05.080 --> 01:01:07.160
They know what they did wrong.

1079
01:01:07.160 --> 01:01:09.480
They need to hear what they did right.

1080
01:01:09.480 --> 01:01:12.560
So find something that they did right and celebrate it.

1081
01:01:13.560 --> 01:01:15.520
They did something right.

1082
01:01:15.520 --> 01:01:16.900
They didn't abort you.

1083
01:01:16.900 --> 01:01:17.820
How about that?

1084
01:01:17.820 --> 01:01:19.020
Let's start there.

1085
01:01:19.940 --> 01:01:22.940
Find something they did right and celebrate it

1086
01:01:24.220 --> 01:01:25.740
because they know what they did wrong.

1087
01:01:25.740 --> 01:01:27.100
So Father God, we're so thankful

1088
01:01:27.100 --> 01:01:28.860
that you are both mother and father

1089
01:01:28.860 --> 01:01:30.780
and that you never leave us or forsake us.

1090
01:01:30.780 --> 01:01:33.180
That it's impossible because you've written us

1091
01:01:33.180 --> 01:01:37.660
on your hands and every single moment of our lives,

1092
01:01:37.660 --> 01:01:41.300
your good thoughts towards us are more than anything

1093
01:01:41.300 --> 01:01:45.020
that we could ever even comprehend.

1094
01:01:45.020 --> 01:01:47.420
Your love for us goes so far beyond

1095
01:01:47.900 --> 01:01:50.660
your love for us goes so much deeper than that.

1096
01:01:50.660 --> 01:01:53.720
And so Lord, I pray today that we get delivered

1097
01:01:53.720 --> 01:01:57.100
from the idea that we are performing for your love,

1098
01:01:57.100 --> 01:01:58.740
that we are earning your love

1099
01:01:58.740 --> 01:02:02.380
and that we are able to receive it every single day

1100
01:02:02.380 --> 01:02:05.260
without merit, God, without earning God,

1101
01:02:05.260 --> 01:02:07.580
without deserving Lord, and that we are able

1102
01:02:07.580 --> 01:02:10.700
to have that love flow through us to others.

1103
01:02:10.700 --> 01:02:13.540
Whatever you are to us, we will be to others, Lord.

1104
01:02:13.540 --> 01:02:16.420
And so we pray now, God, that we will be a conduit

1105
01:02:16.420 --> 01:02:19.500
of your endless and your unfailing love,

1106
01:02:19.500 --> 01:02:21.340
never waxing, never waning,

1107
01:02:21.340 --> 01:02:24.780
and never changing in Jesus' name, amen.

1108
01:02:24.780 --> 01:02:26.540
I love y'all, happy Mother's Day.