WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.720 All right. Welcome, gentlemen, to May 11th, 2026, Monday. Heart check-in, guys for guys. 2 00:00:08.720 --> 00:00:15.680 A couple of you guys on the call here tonight. And who's iPhone? 3 00:00:15.680 --> 00:00:20.800 Hey, what's up, David? It's me, Carlos. 4 00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:25.200 Hey, Carlos. How are you? Are you working right now or are you off? 5 00:00:25.200 --> 00:00:29.680 No, I'm off and I'm kind of doing some things, kind of cleaning up the house a little bit. 6 00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:33.680 Got it. Got it. Cool. Good to see you. Good that you're here. 7 00:00:36.080 --> 00:00:40.320 I wanted to just kind of let everybody know, for those that are going to watch this replay, 8 00:00:41.040 --> 00:00:44.960 for those around here tonight, this is Jackie's new book. You've probably seen it. 9 00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:48.640 She's probably held it up or might have been something up. But anyway, we have 10 00:00:50.080 --> 00:00:59.520 copies of it now that we're mailing out to those that bought the book in pre-sale. 11 00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:05.920 So I don't know if some of you did that, but definitely Jackie's charge tonight is make sure, 12 00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:13.040 guys, you get the book and you join the book club. We'll be having emails go out to everybody 13 00:01:14.160 --> 00:01:19.040 here in the next week or so for signing up for that kind of stuff. So it's going to be really 14 00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:28.160 good. I'll tell you, when I was... She writes these books. This is her fifth book that she's 15 00:01:28.160 --> 00:01:35.680 written. And I'm usually the one typesetting it. I didn't design this cover, but I typeset 16 00:01:36.320 --> 00:01:42.240 the back of it. I typeset the inside of it, all that kind of stuff. So that all needs to be 17 00:01:42.240 --> 00:01:47.600 formatted and typeset and put into a form to where you can send it off to the printer and have it 18 00:01:47.600 --> 00:01:53.920 printed. And of course, then we're going through developmental edits and final edits and all the 19 00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:59.040 different edits. We went through probably three or four stages of edits. But anyway, you get a 20 00:01:59.040 --> 00:02:06.000 really good idea of what's in the book when you do that, obviously spend time with it. And this book 21 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:18.240 is the most practical guide. It is probably 95% practical, dating, real life stories and examples. 22 00:02:19.040 --> 00:02:27.040 It's like a textbook for dating. And so I encourage you, there's not a lot of 23 00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:33.680 faith development, scriptural references or anything like that. And here, not that that's 24 00:02:33.680 --> 00:02:39.520 bad. I'm just saying that in terms of just the dating process, this is the most comprehensive 25 00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:48.000 book that I've seen in a long time, especially on this subject and especially in our library. 26 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:54.800 So anyway, I highly recommend it. But I wanted to, there's chapter six. 27 00:02:56.560 --> 00:03:01.520 I know you can't read it because it's backwards. I get it. But it's called 28 00:03:02.480 --> 00:03:08.160 readiness over romance. How to tell who's available. Now, 29 00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:16.720 a lot of the majority of Jackie's audience is a female audience. So her voice is primarily 30 00:03:18.560 --> 00:03:28.960 female centric in just kind of the characteristic, the coloring of it. But the advice is practical, 31 00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:35.520 so practical that it goes definitely both ways. And the reason I wanted to share chapter six with 32 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:46.480 you tonight was because it says readiness over romance, and it kind of gives you a perspective 33 00:03:47.600 --> 00:03:59.120 of what readiness means. And because Jackie, her audience is dominantly women. I'm not even, 34 00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:03.840 I'm talking about even outside of the program. So like outside of the program, 35 00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:10.080 there's a huge audience that are not people that are necessarily part of last year's single 36 00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:18.160 that she influences. And like I say, most of them are women. And chapter six, 37 00:04:19.440 --> 00:04:27.040 as it says readiness over romance, is what she is telling women, hey, women, ladies, 38 00:04:27.760 --> 00:04:33.840 ladies, here's how you know when a guy is ready. Matter of fact, 39 00:04:37.520 --> 00:04:45.760 here's how you know when anybody is ready, because the principles, they do cross over 40 00:04:45.760 --> 00:04:51.520 male and female. And several of the things that we talk about in this book, 41 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:56.160 just kind of doing a little bit of recap. We start out with the premise that obviously 42 00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:59.460 modern dating sucks, and we want to pull back forward. We want to 43 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.560 Y'all know that to be true, but then she explores a little bit further into like, why does modern 44 00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:06.960 dating suck? 45 00:05:06.960 --> 00:05:12.400 Why does what we think of as dating and dating culture, why is it so difficult? 46 00:05:12.400 --> 00:05:15.160 Why does it suck? 47 00:05:15.160 --> 00:05:23.920 And the first answer to that question is, is because of a dating culture that is around 48 00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:25.280 about a hundred years old. 49 00:05:25.280 --> 00:05:29.600 And she actually takes the time to go back through a little bit of history to explore 50 00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:34.960 what dating was like a hundred years ago and a hundred plus years ago, a little bit, 51 00:05:34.960 --> 00:05:41.600 and kind of explain culturally civilization, Western civilization, if you will, how we 52 00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:45.200 got to this point of modern dating. 53 00:05:45.200 --> 00:05:48.360 And so that's fascinating in and of itself. 54 00:05:48.360 --> 00:05:56.560 But the basic premise there is the reason that modern dating sucks is because the dating 55 00:05:56.560 --> 00:06:01.920 culture that has come about to be in the last hundred years is a total departure from 56 00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:10.960 the way we as humans were created to interact and be, you know, it's, it's a false version 57 00:06:10.960 --> 00:06:16.200 of connection, trying to date, trying to find the one, trying to find the someone, trying 58 00:06:16.200 --> 00:06:17.960 to find this. 59 00:06:17.960 --> 00:06:23.120 And of course the modern version of that is so many options and you know, so many choices 60 00:06:23.280 --> 00:06:25.600 and where do we stand? 61 00:06:25.600 --> 00:06:34.040 And like, you know, you had the, the whole feminization and women's empowerment over 62 00:06:34.040 --> 00:06:40.560 the years that have done great things for women, but also confusing things for the relationship 63 00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:43.280 between men and women, like, where do we stand? 64 00:06:43.280 --> 00:06:44.520 What do we do? 65 00:06:44.520 --> 00:06:48.760 There was a point in time where it seemed that our roles were very clear in terms of 66 00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:55.120 our gender roles and our, you know, what we're supposed to do as a husband, what we're supposed 67 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:58.160 to do as a man, what you're supposed to do as a wife, all that kind of stuff. 68 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:06.200 And even that didn't last very long because of world wars, because of all the things that 69 00:07:06.200 --> 00:07:12.520 have happened in the last hundred years that have literally changed the fabric of society. 70 00:07:12.520 --> 00:07:16.560 And so it's interesting to read, to go through all that history and kind of discover that. 71 00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:25.640 And then she gets into some things like why apps are difficult apps. 72 00:07:25.640 --> 00:07:34.200 If you didn't know it, apps actually were designed and engineered technologically from 73 00:07:34.200 --> 00:07:44.120 the standpoint of the same ideology or the same dopamine hitting type of philosophy as 74 00:07:44.120 --> 00:07:48.240 slot machines, casino machines. 75 00:07:48.240 --> 00:07:50.280 And it's not an analogy. 76 00:07:50.280 --> 00:07:54.160 It's not like, oh, dating apps are like casino machines. 77 00:07:54.160 --> 00:08:01.640 No, they actually were designed, engineered technologically with the whole swiping effect 78 00:08:01.640 --> 00:08:07.200 from the design of casino machines. 79 00:08:07.200 --> 00:08:11.840 So it wasn't just like, it's like it, no, they actually were designed from that. 80 00:08:11.840 --> 00:08:16.080 It is gambling in a way. 81 00:08:16.080 --> 00:08:22.280 And so the same thing that keeps you sitting on a slot machine in terms of the, if you 82 00:08:22.280 --> 00:08:28.200 got to win every time you pull the lever, or if you never got to win every time you 83 00:08:28.200 --> 00:08:31.440 pull the lever, one of two things would happen. 84 00:08:31.440 --> 00:08:38.159 You would know this machine never wins, or you would think it wins every time. 85 00:08:38.400 --> 00:08:43.760 And that excitement of winning, even if it's every time, and even if you're winning, wears 86 00:08:43.760 --> 00:08:46.080 off. 87 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:51.360 But the psychology of what happens on the next lever pull, whether you're going to win 88 00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:57.240 or lose, win or lose, and I might win and I might hit a jackpot, that not knowing the 89 00:08:57.240 --> 00:09:03.800 excitement, the endorphin producing chemistry that happens in doing that is what creates 90 00:09:03.800 --> 00:09:10.640 the excitement for casino gambling and also creates the excitement of what if the next 91 00:09:10.640 --> 00:09:15.080 one's the one, what if you're swiping on the app, you're swiping on the app, I'll look 92 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:16.080 at the next one. 93 00:09:16.080 --> 00:09:17.080 I'll look at the next one. 94 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:18.240 It's the same thing as doom scrolling. 95 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:19.240 It's the same thing. 96 00:09:19.240 --> 00:09:21.140 It's like, what if the next post is interesting? 97 00:09:21.140 --> 00:09:23.800 What if the next video is, you know, what I need to hear? 98 00:09:23.800 --> 00:09:27.440 What if the next thing is super entertaining and funny and whatever? 99 00:09:27.440 --> 00:09:29.520 So this is the psychology of dating apps. 100 00:09:29.520 --> 00:09:35.060 This is why they actually don't produce any things because dating apps don't want you 101 00:09:35.060 --> 00:09:37.520 to necessarily be successful in relationship. 102 00:09:37.520 --> 00:09:39.480 They just want you to keep on the dating apps. 103 00:09:39.480 --> 00:09:40.480 Why? 104 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:42.320 Because it's a subscription. 105 00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:45.360 They win when you stay on the apps. 106 00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:52.320 A matchmaker wins when you actually make a match and you have a successful match. 107 00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:54.240 You see the difference? 108 00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:59.960 But this is why these things, for example, dating apps, other things like that, create 109 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.120 this disconnect create this confusion in our culture and so then she goes into 110 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:13.360 some of the other things like stop dating start choosing so this is part two of the book where 111 00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:19.760 she stops she starts really talking about like hey instead of dating because dating is 112 00:10:20.560 --> 00:10:29.040 a sort of a false sense of like connection let's get you ready to choose the person 113 00:10:29.760 --> 00:10:34.720 through the process of dating so you're not dating just to date you are now dating with 114 00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:42.320 the objection of this is the process i'm using to choose the partner define the partner so it's 115 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:48.560 dating with intentionality big huge difference if you know how to do it and know what to look for 116 00:10:49.520 --> 00:10:56.240 and then she goes into chemistry not compatibility or chemistry is not compatibility 117 00:10:57.040 --> 00:11:03.200 meaning that we're so hooked on chemistry we're so hooked on being smitten we're so hooked on 118 00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:11.120 the the optics of what i'm encountering or what i'm looking at that and or or the from the 119 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:15.440 feminine side it's kind of like oh there's just a vibe there's this there's the chemistry there 120 00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:27.680 there's the the x factor the zing and when you think that that feeling equates to compatibility 121 00:11:27.680 --> 00:11:34.080 meaning oh he gets me or she gets me or she understands me or we have chemistry therefore 122 00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:43.680 we are compatible that is a danger danger danger situation so chemistry isn't necessarily 123 00:11:43.680 --> 00:11:50.480 compatibility and of course we don't say hey if there's if there's no chemistry 124 00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:55.760 then that means there's compatibility that's obviously not true either so we're not ruling out 125 00:11:56.400 --> 00:12:03.600 the attraction we're not ruling out the zing we're not ruling out the vibe that you get when you might 126 00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:12.720 meet somebody but we don't want you to think that that alone is the compatibility because sometimes 127 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:17.840 there's a compatibility and you find the zing a little bit later on 128 00:12:18.880 --> 00:12:24.880 and you find the attraction at a later point not necessarily from the beginning 129 00:12:24.880 --> 00:12:29.600 and so she goes into depth on that and then she talks about readiness over romance 130 00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:39.600 because here's the truth you could follow all of the advice you could have compatibility 131 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:42.960 they're actually five c's of compatibility she goes over this book 132 00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:51.600 and they are the they're the core five things that are needed to understand and make sure yes 133 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:58.480 this person really is compatible with me like this is what i'm looking for and when you find 134 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:04.720 that compatibility it might surprise you because that compatibility may look different than what 135 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:11.840 you thought compatibility looked like but compatibility is what you're after because 136 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:19.760 compatibility is what leads to 50-year relationships which leads to the successful 137 00:13:19.760 --> 00:13:27.280 relationships which leads to the family goals that you want which relates to the longevity 138 00:13:27.280 --> 00:13:34.560 of the lifelong relationship that you're after not necessarily the chemistry chemistry 139 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:43.040 can have a seat on the bus but chemistry doesn't need to be driving the bus make sense 140 00:13:44.960 --> 00:13:52.320 so but what's interesting about the compatibility the alignment in terms of proximity the levels 141 00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:57.040 of relationship if you think about like hey i'm compatible with somebody in this world but i just 142 00:13:57.040 --> 00:14:02.880 don't know them yet well say if you know this person you've met them you're going out on a date 143 00:14:02.880 --> 00:14:08.560 you realize that you have the compatibility and there's a little bit of attraction like oh my 144 00:14:08.560 --> 00:14:15.680 gosh i'm hitting on all of these cylinders for relationship but you get to the point 145 00:14:16.640 --> 00:14:28.400 where you or they or even both of the people actually truly aren't ready for a relationship 146 00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:34.640 even though they're dating they're meeting people they're saying they want to be married 147 00:14:34.640 --> 00:14:41.120 they say they want partnership they say they want this the readiness factor unfortunately can still 148 00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:49.120 also be a strong hindrance to making this thing work we've had stories in our community 149 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:56.640 where people were like man this person this person you can see it you can kind of evaluate 150 00:14:56.640 --> 00:14:59.920 them as we've got to know them or they're telling us people 151 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:08.320 back about meeting this person and they're into each other, they're vibing, there's a 152 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:20.420 lot of things that they're compatible in in this scenario, but one of them is fixed to 153 00:15:20.420 --> 00:15:27.340 a location because maybe there's a specific career thing that's going on, maybe there's 154 00:15:27.340 --> 00:15:34.820 a specific family background situation that they can't move, and then the other person 155 00:15:34.820 --> 00:15:44.260 isn't willing to move. Somebody in that scenario, in order for that relationship to work, will 156 00:15:44.260 --> 00:15:50.240 have to compromise. And if the one who is fixed on a location because they can't move 157 00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:55.820 for like real good reasons, and the other one who is unwilling to move doesn't change 158 00:15:55.820 --> 00:16:09.120 their willingness, they're not ready. Plain and simple. Somebody who has not created space 159 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:19.040 in their life for a relationship, even though they love to be social and they're out doing 160 00:16:19.040 --> 00:16:26.920 things and they're making their life work and they have a solid income and they're 161 00:16:26.920 --> 00:16:30.440 fulfilled in what they're doing and they're exercising and they're living life to the 162 00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:37.200 fullest, but they're so scheduled out that they haven't made any preparation for another 163 00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:48.240 person to be in their life with them, has not demonstrated their readiness. And you 164 00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:54.360 say, well, can't you just adjust that? You could, but you have to know that needs to 165 00:16:54.360 --> 00:17:04.119 be adjusted. There's a lot of people, women and men, who are that way. Their life is full, 166 00:17:04.119 --> 00:17:10.359 their life is happening, they're doing things, they're out there making it happen, and they're 167 00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:17.319 wanting to be in relationship and romance, and then they try to actually make a romance work, 168 00:17:17.319 --> 00:17:27.240 maybe even get engaged. I know even people who have gotten married that realized, oh my God, 169 00:17:27.240 --> 00:17:34.760 you mean I had to make room for this person in my life? I had to like actually consider what 170 00:17:34.760 --> 00:17:42.120 it would be like to live with another person in my space? I actually had to have a place for 171 00:17:42.120 --> 00:17:49.520 someone to move in to live with me in that space. You know what I'm saying? So readiness is a huge 172 00:17:49.520 --> 00:17:59.920 proponent of the relationship along with compatibility, along with a little bit of 173 00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:05.840 chemistry, along with a little bit of intentionality towards dating. And what the 174 00:18:05.840 --> 00:18:14.200 cool thing about it is, is that readiness can be the thing that you can prepare for ahead of time. 175 00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:24.320 Because until you meet the person, until you understand that there may be even a vibe to be 176 00:18:24.320 --> 00:18:29.160 had, you know, you don't really know the compatibility because you don't know them 177 00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:32.760 yet. You haven't met them yet. You haven't been introduced. You haven't gone on the date. You 178 00:18:32.760 --> 00:18:41.680 haven't started that process yet. But you can be ready. And so readiness manifests in a lot 179 00:18:41.680 --> 00:18:55.520 of different ways. She says this, I'm going to read a couple things for you guys here just so 180 00:18:55.520 --> 00:19:01.640 you'll kind of can hear what's going on. And we'll take some time for some feedback here in a few 181 00:19:01.640 --> 00:19:15.360 minutes. She says this, readiness is not a feeling. It's a state of being. It's not a feeling. It's a 182 00:19:15.360 --> 00:19:20.360 state of being. So in other words, you can say, hey, I'm ready for marriage. I'm ready. I'm ready 183 00:19:20.360 --> 00:19:24.080 for marriage. I'm ready for relationship. I want to go out there. I want to find the person. I 184 00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:32.040 want to date. I want to be all the things. And you can feel that inside and you can think that. 185 00:19:32.040 --> 00:19:41.920 But if the facts of your life don't line up with that, then you're being sort of like either sort 186 00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:48.840 of like deceived or you're, or you're being a little bit unclear or fooling yourself a little 187 00:19:48.840 --> 00:19:55.040 bit because readiness is not a feeling. It's not a state of mind. It's a state of actual being. It's 188 00:19:55.040 --> 00:19:59.640 like somebody should be able to take an inventory of your life and go, yeah, it looks like you're 189 00:19:59.640 --> 00:19:59.880 ready. 190 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.640 You know, you don't have your calendar stacked 191 00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:09.640 with no time in there for anything else 192 00:20:09.740 --> 00:20:14.740 other than what you do, et cetera, et cetera. 193 00:20:16.040 --> 00:20:19.660 She goes, here is the reframe that changes everything. 194 00:20:19.660 --> 00:20:23.360 Readiness is not about how someone feels about you, 195 00:20:23.360 --> 00:20:26.200 it is about the state of their life. 196 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:29.100 A person can be genuinely attracted to you. 197 00:20:29.100 --> 00:20:30.720 They can enjoy your company, 198 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:32.560 have progressing feelings for you, 199 00:20:32.560 --> 00:20:35.680 and mean every word they say in those first months 200 00:20:35.680 --> 00:20:38.360 when everything is hopeful and easy. 201 00:20:38.360 --> 00:20:39.700 But even with all that, 202 00:20:39.700 --> 00:20:41.300 they can still not be in a position 203 00:20:41.300 --> 00:20:44.100 to build a lasting relationship, why? 204 00:20:44.100 --> 00:20:47.580 Because their emotional bandwidth is already spoken for. 205 00:20:47.580 --> 00:20:51.200 Their unfinished business is taking up the space 206 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:53.940 that should be available for a new person. 207 00:20:53.940 --> 00:20:56.980 Or they simply want the idea of a relationship 208 00:20:56.980 --> 00:21:00.620 without being able to sustain one, okay? 209 00:21:01.820 --> 00:21:05.440 They can like the idea of commitment and like you, 210 00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:09.100 and they can even imagine being married to you, 211 00:21:09.100 --> 00:21:13.140 but they are not there yet, or you may not be there yet. 212 00:21:13.140 --> 00:21:15.500 And the gap between I can imagine it 213 00:21:15.500 --> 00:21:19.060 and I am ready to commit to it 214 00:21:19.060 --> 00:21:23.980 is where most, almost relationships live. 215 00:21:23.980 --> 00:21:26.860 So she calls them almost relationships. 216 00:21:27.700 --> 00:21:30.220 Not quite a relationship, it's almost a relationship, 217 00:21:30.220 --> 00:21:33.300 except we gotta solve this readiness problem, okay? 218 00:21:33.300 --> 00:21:35.940 And the four signals of genuine readiness are this. 219 00:21:39.220 --> 00:21:42.480 The first signal is planning, okay? 220 00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:46.100 A commitment-ready person makes plans in advance 221 00:21:46.100 --> 00:21:49.260 because they value your time and theirs, 222 00:21:49.260 --> 00:21:51.640 and they respect both. 223 00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:55.040 The person who reaches out only when convenient, 224 00:21:55.040 --> 00:21:58.320 who suggests sometime without actually following through, 225 00:21:59.880 --> 00:22:02.320 who is always available at the last minute 226 00:22:02.320 --> 00:22:04.240 but actually never plans, 227 00:22:05.520 --> 00:22:07.840 that is not spontaneity or even ADD. 228 00:22:07.840 --> 00:22:10.680 That is someone who is not making you 229 00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:13.440 or the dating in general their priority. 230 00:22:14.760 --> 00:22:15.800 Does that make sense? 231 00:22:17.560 --> 00:22:19.840 So the first signal is planning. 232 00:22:19.840 --> 00:22:24.840 The second signal is behavior that matches the words. 233 00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:29.320 So what matters is not what something says they want, 234 00:22:29.320 --> 00:22:32.120 it is whether their behavior is congruent 235 00:22:32.120 --> 00:22:34.920 or shows what they want. 236 00:22:34.920 --> 00:22:37.400 The person who says they want a deep connection 237 00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:39.440 and then goes quiet after a good date 238 00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:41.080 is showing you the truth. 239 00:22:41.080 --> 00:22:42.320 Pay attention. 240 00:22:42.320 --> 00:22:44.480 The congruence between words and behavior 241 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:45.560 is always the tell, 242 00:22:45.560 --> 00:22:48.640 so do not ignore these types of inconsistencies. 243 00:22:49.600 --> 00:22:51.920 So the second signal is behavior that matches words. 244 00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:54.360 If you say you're going to do something 245 00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:56.640 or this is what you're about 246 00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:00.200 but your behavior shows something totally different, 247 00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:03.600 it shows that you're not ready to be committed. 248 00:23:03.600 --> 00:23:05.720 It shows you're not ready in the relationship. 249 00:23:05.720 --> 00:23:09.520 It says you have not prepared yourself 250 00:23:09.520 --> 00:23:11.680 to be in this type of relationship. 251 00:23:12.680 --> 00:23:14.840 And again, these are easy things to fix. 252 00:23:14.840 --> 00:23:16.560 These are not character flaws. 253 00:23:17.560 --> 00:23:19.560 These are not, yeah, this is just the way I am. 254 00:23:19.560 --> 00:23:21.440 No, no, no, no, no. 255 00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:23.000 It's not a character issue. 256 00:23:24.440 --> 00:23:26.120 It's an awareness issue. 257 00:23:28.120 --> 00:23:29.800 It's you going, you know what? 258 00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:33.560 How in the world, even if I did make 259 00:23:33.560 --> 00:23:35.920 the perfect right person, 260 00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:38.440 how in the world would they fit into my life 261 00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:41.520 if my life is so bogged down 262 00:23:41.520 --> 00:23:43.960 or so confusing or so filled 263 00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:47.200 or there's so many loose ends going on 264 00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:48.360 in other parts of my life 265 00:23:48.360 --> 00:23:53.360 that just are taking up my energy, my time, my focus. 266 00:23:53.800 --> 00:23:58.520 You can't have a healthy, developing, wonderful relationship 267 00:23:58.520 --> 00:24:00.960 when you've got a bunch of junk going on 268 00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:02.720 that is getting your attention. 269 00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:07.240 So you either need to cut some things out of your life 270 00:24:10.320 --> 00:24:13.280 or you need to finish those things in your life 271 00:24:14.920 --> 00:24:19.920 or you need to drastically edit what your life is about. 272 00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:26.480 Because some things don't need to be in your life 273 00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:28.760 but they're wanting to because they wanna be. 274 00:24:30.560 --> 00:24:32.240 There are other things in your life 275 00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:34.640 that are there because you allow them to be. 276 00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:36.800 That make sense? 277 00:24:38.600 --> 00:24:41.080 And both of them are probably things 278 00:24:41.080 --> 00:24:43.200 that really don't need to be in your life. 279 00:24:44.080 --> 00:24:47.280 It's like you taking inventory of your life 280 00:24:47.280 --> 00:24:48.400 is a great thing. 281 00:24:49.360 --> 00:24:54.360 You going, do I need this extracurricular activity? 282 00:24:55.240 --> 00:25:00.240 Do I need this commitment to this life? 283 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.960 Group that I've always been a part of for 20 years 284 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:06.160 Do I need? 285 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:08.480 this one group of friends that always 286 00:25:09.120 --> 00:25:11.120 Seems to yeah, we have a lot of fun 287 00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:14.080 But we get in trouble a lot 288 00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:16.480 It's like do I need? 289 00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:19.840 You know all this family drama 290 00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:24.800 Or can I just be a part of this family and kind of like opt out of the drama a little bit? 291 00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:28.320 You know what i'm saying 292 00:25:28.320 --> 00:25:31.040 It's about getting your life to the point where it's like 293 00:25:31.760 --> 00:25:33.840 My life has to run in a way 294 00:25:35.280 --> 00:25:36.720 that 295 00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:38.560 not only works 296 00:25:38.560 --> 00:25:40.560 But makes you 297 00:25:40.560 --> 00:25:46.880 A better person i'm not saying be irresponsible. I'm not saying, you know be selfish. I'm not saying 298 00:25:47.520 --> 00:25:52.080 You know don't do good things the things that you know would be good for your life 299 00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:55.520 I'm, just saying take an inventory of your life to go 300 00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:58.400 Hey, are there things in my life 301 00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:04.480 That aren't productive and they're just really robbing me of my time my energy and my strength 302 00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:10.960 For said relationship that could be 303 00:26:13.840 --> 00:26:16.560 That's number one and number two the third signal 304 00:26:17.760 --> 00:26:19.760 for genuine readiness 305 00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:21.440 is 306 00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:23.680 an introduction to their world 307 00:26:24.320 --> 00:26:28.160 A commitment ready person begins to bring you into their life 308 00:26:29.920 --> 00:26:33.120 They introduce you to your family they introduce you to people they care about 309 00:26:33.600 --> 00:26:35.600 They introduce you to their friends 310 00:26:36.080 --> 00:26:38.320 They invite you into spaces that matter them 311 00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:41.920 I'll tell you 312 00:26:43.040 --> 00:26:45.280 One of the things that happened when I was meeting Jackie 313 00:26:45.840 --> 00:26:47.360 was 314 00:26:47.360 --> 00:26:50.880 I took her to the driving range one time. I play golf. I like to play golf 315 00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:53.680 I like to play golf. It's kind of like one of the only things I can do 316 00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:55.440 I don't get to do it a lot 317 00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:57.520 But I like to do it and I can kind of do it 318 00:26:57.840 --> 00:27:01.520 And it was one of those moments where like I wanted to go to the driving range with me and we had been kind 319 00:27:01.520 --> 00:27:03.040 Of out a couple times 320 00:27:03.040 --> 00:27:05.040 And I want to go I didn't have anything 321 00:27:05.740 --> 00:27:08.640 Particularly going on. It was kind of like an off night. It was a midweek 322 00:27:09.280 --> 00:27:10.560 uh night 323 00:27:10.560 --> 00:27:14.480 And I was just going to go to the driving range for an hour and I invite her to go because I was like hey 324 00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:17.040 to me 325 00:27:17.040 --> 00:27:21.840 I was like sharing something that I enjoy and that I like and then I'm kind of good at 326 00:27:22.800 --> 00:27:24.720 Sharing it with her 327 00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:29.200 Because I wanted her to see me do it. I wanted to I wanted her to be involved 328 00:27:29.280 --> 00:27:31.280 I wanted her to sort of appreciate it 329 00:27:33.360 --> 00:27:35.600 And that was actually the moment 330 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:38.400 When we actually had our first kiss 331 00:27:38.880 --> 00:27:41.280 Was at the driving range after we were done 332 00:27:42.080 --> 00:27:44.080 I was like, well that kind of worked out really good 333 00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:48.400 So that's an example of kind of like some of the things that you would do you would like hey 334 00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:50.400 If you like to do certain things 335 00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:55.680 You know, you can make a fun activity or you can make a connection moment out of it 336 00:27:56.560 --> 00:28:00.560 May not necessarily end up in a passionate kiss ours did but i'm just saying 337 00:28:01.120 --> 00:28:05.360 That's the kind of thing you you introduce them to your world 338 00:28:07.040 --> 00:28:11.680 You the person who keeps you permanently at arm's length from everyone they know 339 00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:17.600 Is keeping you at arm's length from everything that would require them to take this connection seriously 340 00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:22.240 Meaning that 341 00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:26.400 If you're not really inviting them into your space or letting them know anything about your life 342 00:28:27.120 --> 00:28:29.840 It's very difficult for them to get a really good idea 343 00:28:30.800 --> 00:28:34.240 Of who you are what your life is like what your life is about 344 00:28:36.080 --> 00:28:38.080 And sometimes that can be 345 00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:46.240 And sometimes that can be a sort of a warning sign keeping you at a distance includes soft launches 346 00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:50.900 People often do this and try to make you feel like the relationship 347 00:28:51.760 --> 00:28:53.840 Is gaining momentum? 348 00:28:53.840 --> 00:28:57.520 And they're including you in the world without actually including you 349 00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:01.200 In my opinion, this is an immediate deal breaker 350 00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:03.920 so 351 00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:05.440 if they're not 352 00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:10.960 Trying to fold you into their life if everything is about just you and them and you and them only and they and you know 353 00:29:11.040 --> 00:29:13.040 Nothing about like you don't know 354 00:29:13.100 --> 00:29:14.320 eventually 355 00:29:14.320 --> 00:29:16.320 Like what do they do for a living? 356 00:29:16.800 --> 00:29:22.880 Where's where's your side of town like, you know, like just little things not every detail of your intimate life 357 00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:28.960 I'm, just saying you're getting to know this person, but if at some point you're not sharing or they're not sharing their life with you 358 00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:32.240 Then there's probably a pretty good reason for that 359 00:29:33.280 --> 00:29:35.040 They may not be ready 360 00:29:35.040 --> 00:29:36.800 the fourth signal 361 00:29:36.800 --> 00:29:39.280 Is how they handle the first rough spot? 362 00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:44.320 The first time your connection requires actual emotional effort 363 00:29:45.120 --> 00:29:47.060 a conflict a miscommunication 364 00:29:48.080 --> 00:29:50.080 a scheduling difficulty 365 00:29:50.720 --> 00:29:56.800 What do they do? What does the guy do? What does the girl do? Did they flip out? Do they get nervous? Do they? 366 00:29:57.600 --> 00:29:59.600 you know, uh 367 00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:01.680 Do they 368 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.840 Go silent. 369 00:30:01.840 --> 00:30:03.720 You know, what happens when you actually 370 00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:06.360 have your first rough spot? 371 00:30:06.360 --> 00:30:08.600 What do they do? 372 00:30:08.600 --> 00:30:14.400 A lot of how they respond to that situation 373 00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:16.200 says a lot about their readiness, 374 00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:19.080 says a lot about who they are as a person. 375 00:30:19.080 --> 00:30:22.920 It says a lot about how they show up, 376 00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:24.920 because you're going to have a rough spot. 377 00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:26.680 Everyone does. 378 00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:30.560 And everyone reacts differently. 379 00:30:30.560 --> 00:30:36.120 I'm not necessarily saying that how 380 00:30:36.120 --> 00:30:39.600 they react, if you perceive it to be negative, 381 00:30:39.600 --> 00:30:42.360 is bad, because some people can be 382 00:30:42.360 --> 00:30:46.160 really excitable and passionate. 383 00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:47.720 And you just have to know, hey, this 384 00:30:47.720 --> 00:30:50.440 is an excitable, passionate person. 385 00:30:50.440 --> 00:30:53.120 They're going to show up that way. 386 00:30:53.120 --> 00:30:54.680 Now, sometimes you may not like that, 387 00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:56.280 because that may not be like you are 388 00:30:56.280 --> 00:30:58.960 and how you would respond to the situation. 389 00:30:58.960 --> 00:31:02.320 But in a different circumstance, sometimes you 390 00:31:02.320 --> 00:31:06.440 actually want people to show up excited, passionate, energized, 391 00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:10.400 like, hey, you know what's going on, 392 00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:13.080 depending on the circumstance. 393 00:31:13.080 --> 00:31:18.720 So you can't just judge their response by like, 394 00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:19.960 oh, I wouldn't do that. 395 00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:21.240 I wouldn't respond that way. 396 00:31:21.280 --> 00:31:25.000 So therefore, I don't really like them. 397 00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.520 But it does show you a lot about who they are. 398 00:31:29.520 --> 00:31:33.800 Do they adjust well when there's a problem? 399 00:31:33.800 --> 00:31:35.880 If they've made a mistake, do they apologize? 400 00:31:35.880 --> 00:31:39.280 If you've made a mistake, are they willing to, you know, 401 00:31:39.280 --> 00:31:40.120 yeah, I understand. 402 00:31:40.120 --> 00:31:42.920 Like, be considerate, be understanding, be forgiving, 403 00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:45.400 that kind of thing, whatever. 404 00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:47.360 Do they adjust? 405 00:31:47.360 --> 00:31:50.080 And they don't just vanish the first time, 406 00:31:50.080 --> 00:31:52.400 because it's just not fun and easy anymore, 407 00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:54.360 because you've actually had a problem. 408 00:31:54.360 --> 00:31:56.200 So number one, first of all, is planning. 409 00:31:56.200 --> 00:31:58.920 Number two is behavior matches words. 410 00:31:58.920 --> 00:32:03.120 Number three, you're introducing them to their world. 411 00:32:03.120 --> 00:32:07.160 And number four is how they handle the first rough spot. 412 00:32:07.160 --> 00:32:11.240 So that's kind of four signs of a person 413 00:32:11.240 --> 00:32:15.840 ready for marriage, versus we're just having fun. 414 00:32:15.840 --> 00:32:16.480 It's romantic. 415 00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:17.480 Everything's great. 416 00:32:17.480 --> 00:32:18.720 Everything's wonderful. 417 00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:20.760 And we're just gonna just make this wonderful 418 00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:25.120 until it's wonderful again. 419 00:32:25.120 --> 00:32:28.240 And that's not, that's romance. 420 00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:30.520 That's romanticizing everything, 421 00:32:30.520 --> 00:32:33.680 and not necessarily dealing with the true readiness 422 00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:35.960 of your heart or their heart 423 00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:38.360 to be in this kind of relationship. 424 00:32:38.360 --> 00:32:39.600 And then there's a couple other points 425 00:32:39.600 --> 00:32:41.040 that she makes about readiness, 426 00:32:41.040 --> 00:32:43.520 commitment-minded versus consumer-minded. 427 00:32:44.760 --> 00:32:46.880 Let me drop this on you real quick, 428 00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:47.920 because I think this is important, 429 00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:49.680 because I think a lot of guys do this. 430 00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:51.440 A lot of, well, let me say this. 431 00:32:52.520 --> 00:32:56.720 I think a lot of guys are showing women this. 432 00:32:56.720 --> 00:32:59.360 They may not necessarily be you guys, 433 00:33:00.560 --> 00:33:05.560 but the other guys that women have experienced 434 00:33:05.560 --> 00:33:08.200 or are experiencing out there, 435 00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:13.200 in contrast to you, are guys sometimes like this. 436 00:33:14.080 --> 00:33:17.840 And that is the difference between the commitment-minded 437 00:33:17.840 --> 00:33:22.240 versus the consumer-minded, okay? 438 00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:25.080 So you may not be consumer-minded. 439 00:33:26.280 --> 00:33:27.800 You may be commitment-minded 440 00:33:27.800 --> 00:33:31.120 in your pursuit of a marriage relationship, 441 00:33:31.120 --> 00:33:36.120 but just so you know what a consumer-minded man is like, 442 00:33:36.560 --> 00:33:38.880 because a lot of the women 443 00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:41.000 that you're trying to get to know 444 00:33:41.840 --> 00:33:44.920 have been dealing with consumer-minded men. 445 00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:45.880 Does that make sense? 446 00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:48.720 So knowing sort of what you're up against, 447 00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:50.080 knowing what's out there, 448 00:33:50.080 --> 00:33:52.360 knowing what the experience has been 449 00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:57.840 previous to you coming along is good to know. 450 00:33:58.840 --> 00:34:01.440 A commitment-minded man, 451 00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:03.960 an individual, makes plans in advance. 452 00:34:04.800 --> 00:34:07.080 A consumer-minded person reaches out 453 00:34:07.080 --> 00:34:08.400 only when it's convenient. 454 00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:11.800 A commitment-minded person, 455 00:34:11.800 --> 00:34:14.520 their behavior matches their words. 456 00:34:14.520 --> 00:34:18.040 A consumer-minded individual says the right words, 457 00:34:18.040 --> 00:34:20.080 but their actions tell a different story. 458 00:34:22.719 --> 00:34:27.719 The commitment-minded person talks about the future 459 00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:31.239 in plural, like, hey, we can do this. 460 00:34:31.239 --> 00:34:32.520 We're gonna do this. 461 00:34:32.520 --> 00:34:34.600 Wouldn't it be great if we could, 462 00:34:34.600 --> 00:34:36.320 they talk about it in the plural. 463 00:34:36.760 --> 00:34:41.760 A consumer-minded person talks about the future, 464 00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:44.120 and it's always singular. 465 00:34:44.120 --> 00:34:47.560 It's always about them and what they want, 466 00:34:47.560 --> 00:34:50.480 but what I'm gonna do and what, 467 00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:52.440 that's a consumer-minded individual. 468 00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:55.800 A commitment-minded individual 469 00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:58.440 lets intimacy deepen over time. 470 00:35:01.000 --> 00:35:04.080 A consumer type of individual 471 00:35:07.160 --> 00:35:09.920 is the same level of emotional access 472 00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:13.040 week after week, month after month. 473 00:35:13.040 --> 00:35:15.600 They expect high emotion up front 474 00:35:15.600 --> 00:35:19.520 and they expect that emotion to sustain all the way through 475 00:35:20.700 --> 00:35:25.700 versus it growing and developing organically and over time. 476 00:35:25.700 --> 00:35:30.700 So high emotion up front is usually pretty dangerous. 477 00:35:31.940 --> 00:35:33.700 Expecting that to last through 478 00:35:33.700 --> 00:35:37.420 because you started with it is also unrealistic. 479 00:35:37.420 --> 00:35:40.560 So it creates someone who is always looking 480 00:35:40.560 --> 00:35:44.180 for the emotional high or the emotional whatever 481 00:35:44.180 --> 00:35:46.140 they wanna get out of the relationship. 482 00:35:48.420 --> 00:35:51.220 The commitment-minded individual 483 00:35:51.220 --> 00:35:54.180 is willing to be inconvenienced by love. 484 00:35:55.820 --> 00:36:00.340 This is where we tell women it's true. 485 00:36:00.340 --> 00:36:04.780 If a guy is into the girl 486 00:36:04.780 --> 00:36:08.040 and he's like falling for her and falling in love, 487 00:36:08.900 --> 00:36:13.260 he is going to be massively inconvenienced 488 00:36:13.260 --> 00:36:14.740 and he doesn't mind it. 489 00:36:14.740 --> 00:36:16.300 He don't care. 490 00:36:16.300 --> 00:36:18.180 He'll spend his last dollar. 491 00:36:18.180 --> 00:36:19.900 He'll go to the ends of the earth. 492 00:36:19.900 --> 00:36:21.500 He'll drive three hours. 493 00:36:21.500 --> 00:36:24.340 He'll talk on the phone all night long. 494 00:36:24.340 --> 00:36:26.540 He'll go to bed late, wake up early 495 00:36:26.540 --> 00:36:27.660 because he's gotta be at work the next morning. 496 00:36:27.660 --> 00:36:30.920 I mean, the guy who is into a girl 497 00:36:30.920 --> 00:36:33.820 and like she's awesome 498 00:36:33.820 --> 00:36:36.660 is going to be inconvenienced by love. 499 00:36:36.660 --> 00:36:39.220 That's a commitment-minded person. 500 00:36:39.220 --> 00:36:44.060 A consumer-minded person wants connection 501 00:36:44.060 --> 00:36:45.980 without any of the conditions. 502 00:36:48.980 --> 00:36:53.980 They want the goods without any of the follow-up. 503 00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:56.200 Without any of the commitment. 504 00:36:57.420 --> 00:37:02.380 Of course, this is where crossing the lines 505 00:37:02.380 --> 00:37:06.480 of sexual intimacy is famous for. 506 00:37:07.500 --> 00:37:11.540 Getting the goods, but now you got the goods 507 00:37:11.540 --> 00:37:12.960 and now you don't gotta commit to it. 508 00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:14.100 That's consumerism. 509 00:37:17.060 --> 00:37:20.220 Last one, a commitment-minded individual 510 00:37:20.220 --> 00:37:23.300 moves toward you even when they're scared. 511 00:37:24.540 --> 00:37:29.200 And confused, they're still moving towards you 512 00:37:29.200 --> 00:37:31.860 even though they don't know the future. 513 00:37:31.860 --> 00:37:34.440 Even though they don't know what's in store. 514 00:37:35.580 --> 00:37:39.980 I married my wife eight months after I met her. 515 00:37:40.940 --> 00:37:42.780 Close to nine months. 516 00:37:42.780 --> 00:37:43.960 It was a short time. 517 00:37:44.860 --> 00:37:47.800 It was a little bit risky. 518 00:37:47.800 --> 00:37:51.300 In my world, I wasn't used to that. 519 00:37:52.260 --> 00:37:53.900 I'd been married for 14 years. 520 00:37:54.460 --> 00:37:56.260 Prior to being married for 14 years, 521 00:37:56.260 --> 00:37:59.320 I dated the same girl through junior high and high school 522 00:37:59.320 --> 00:38:02.040 who I then married 14 years. 523 00:38:02.040 --> 00:38:04.860 So hello, you think I had any experience, 524 00:38:04.860 --> 00:38:07.560 any understanding of meeting someone else 525 00:38:07.560 --> 00:38:09.340 and getting married to them 526 00:38:09.340 --> 00:38:10.500 in an eight-month time period? 527 00:38:10.500 --> 00:38:11.340 Hello. 528 00:38:14.680 --> 00:38:16.140 There were moments when I was like, 529 00:38:16.140 --> 00:38:18.000 ooh, what am I doing here? 530 00:38:19.000 --> 00:38:21.640 And it wasn't enough to frighten me 531 00:38:21.640 --> 00:38:26.640 from abandoning the relationship. 532 00:38:26.840 --> 00:38:28.640 There was more going on. 533 00:38:28.640 --> 00:38:30.720 But it wasn't just, oh, yeah, this is great, 534 00:38:30.720 --> 00:38:32.880 this is wonderful, it's the best, it's wonderful. 535 00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:35.760 Like there wasn't, I had two kids, she had a child, 536 00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:37.440 we had to blend, there were logistics. 537 00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:41.040 I mean, it wasn't like it was a big party. 538 00:38:41.920 --> 00:38:44.160 Hello, there were real things on the line here. 539 00:38:44.400 --> 00:38:49.400 A consumer-minded individual stays the same distance 540 00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:50.960 no matter how long you wait. 541 00:38:52.640 --> 00:38:55.760 They kind of just kind of, they'll go forward 542 00:38:57.400 --> 00:39:00.240 and be close, but not too close. 543 00:39:00.240 --> 00:39:01.920 And then when things get rough, 544 00:39:01.920 --> 00:39:04.840 they're still just kind of still off. 545 00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:05.920 They're like, I'm just kind of waiting 546 00:39:05.920 --> 00:39:07.360 to see how this works out. 547 00:39:08.720 --> 00:39:10.560 That's consumer-minded. 548 00:39:10.720 --> 00:39:12.760 If you're trying to be committed to something, 549 00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:16.680 now I'm not saying that things always work out. 550 00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:22.720 Sometimes things won't work out and you're commitment-minded, 551 00:39:22.720 --> 00:39:25.760 but you're demonstrating your level of commitment 552 00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:29.160 as you are moving towards what you know to be true. 553 00:39:30.120 --> 00:39:32.400 This is kind of like the essence of, 554 00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:36.240 it's a yes or a no, it's a yes or a no. 555 00:39:36.240 --> 00:39:39.240 It's a yes or a no, it's a yes or a no. 556 00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:42.280 It's a yes until it's a no. 557 00:39:45.120 --> 00:39:47.320 You kind of have to be like, hey, I'm committed to this. 558 00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:51.440 I'm saying yes, as long as I can say yes, 559 00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:53.720 and it doesn't become a no 560 00:39:53.720 --> 00:39:57.000 because we've encountered some non-negotiable, 561 00:39:57.000 --> 00:39:58.440 which are important. 562 00:39:58.440 --> 00:40:00.080 We've encountered some situation. 563 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.800 where it's very clear that you're not ready 564 00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:04.020 for a relationship, 565 00:40:05.100 --> 00:40:08.680 or maybe I'm not ready for a relationship, either way. 566 00:40:08.680 --> 00:40:09.520 But that's what I'm saying. 567 00:40:09.520 --> 00:40:12.520 It's a yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 568 00:40:12.520 --> 00:40:15.740 until there comes a good reason for there to be a no. 569 00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:20.800 And this is part of that commitment, 570 00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:24.360 that preparation, the readiness process, 571 00:40:24.360 --> 00:40:29.140 which is more important than the romantic process. 572 00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:33.320 So we have a few minutes here. 573 00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:35.960 Any comments, questions from you guys 574 00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:41.160 about what we talked about tonight? 575 00:40:41.160 --> 00:40:43.320 Anything stand out to you that just kind of makes sense? 576 00:40:43.320 --> 00:40:45.200 Like, wow, that's good, I didn't know that. 577 00:40:45.200 --> 00:40:46.260 That's helpful. 578 00:40:48.720 --> 00:40:50.480 No, a lot of this has been really good for me. 579 00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:55.200 I can't, I was having trouble putting my finger on 580 00:40:55.200 --> 00:40:58.860 like when to hit the no, 581 00:40:58.860 --> 00:41:02.100 because like with this woman that I went out with today, 582 00:41:02.100 --> 00:41:05.260 it was a little bit like everything, 583 00:41:05.260 --> 00:41:08.060 she's very kind and all of that. 584 00:41:08.060 --> 00:41:10.040 There's a lot of good things about her, 585 00:41:10.040 --> 00:41:11.740 but I just don't know how to navigate 586 00:41:11.740 --> 00:41:13.700 the when it's appropriate to pull the record, 587 00:41:13.700 --> 00:41:16.260 because I know she wants to go a little bit more serious, 588 00:41:16.260 --> 00:41:17.460 and I'm not quite there yet. 589 00:41:17.460 --> 00:41:19.020 So this is really good. 590 00:41:20.020 --> 00:41:21.540 I'm looking forward to this book. 591 00:41:21.540 --> 00:41:24.060 Just off the cuff, like not getting really deep with it, 592 00:41:24.060 --> 00:41:25.620 but why don't you think you're there yet? 593 00:41:25.620 --> 00:41:27.860 Just surface real quick. 594 00:41:29.060 --> 00:41:33.100 Oh, I've got a couple other women that I've met 595 00:41:33.100 --> 00:41:35.540 that I don't want to say no to. 596 00:41:35.540 --> 00:41:38.100 Okay, so you still, they're still your level two, 597 00:41:38.100 --> 00:41:39.700 just kind of like you're still dating 598 00:41:39.700 --> 00:41:41.580 and kind of just looking, okay, I get it. 599 00:41:41.580 --> 00:41:43.460 Yeah, and we've only been, 600 00:41:43.460 --> 00:41:47.060 this is I think our third in-person date, though. 601 00:41:47.060 --> 00:41:49.900 It's only been like 30 days, I don't know. 602 00:41:49.900 --> 00:41:54.300 Yeah, so you're just like, yeah, I'm not ready 603 00:41:54.340 --> 00:41:59.340 to make this an exclusive level three type of situation. 604 00:41:59.580 --> 00:42:02.180 Yeah, that's completely normal. 605 00:42:02.180 --> 00:42:03.020 Me. 606 00:42:04.420 --> 00:42:05.540 What's up, Hunter? 607 00:42:05.540 --> 00:42:08.540 Well, yesterday I was in church, 608 00:42:08.540 --> 00:42:10.700 and I met these two girls. 609 00:42:10.700 --> 00:42:12.820 They're now not just single, they're in church, 610 00:42:12.820 --> 00:42:17.020 and she is undeniably a good one, heck of a woman of God. 611 00:42:17.940 --> 00:42:18.900 It's non-disputable. 612 00:42:18.900 --> 00:42:21.340 She is a woman of God, a Christian woman of God. 613 00:42:21.380 --> 00:42:24.460 I asked her and her friend if we want to hang out 614 00:42:24.460 --> 00:42:26.260 and have a little lunch, 615 00:42:26.260 --> 00:42:28.460 but unfortunately it may not be guaranteed 616 00:42:28.460 --> 00:42:31.060 because they're busy during Sundays, 617 00:42:31.060 --> 00:42:33.260 and they have their weekend schedules, 618 00:42:33.260 --> 00:42:34.620 and I didn't ask for the number. 619 00:42:34.620 --> 00:42:35.820 I would wait for that next week. 620 00:42:35.820 --> 00:42:37.020 Do you think I'm making the right move? 621 00:42:37.020 --> 00:42:39.020 I'm trying to balance it out, 622 00:42:39.020 --> 00:42:41.660 and I'm always afraid that if I just go out 623 00:42:41.660 --> 00:42:43.300 and look and try and make it happen, 624 00:42:43.300 --> 00:42:45.260 it will backfire and I would lose. 625 00:42:46.740 --> 00:42:48.460 I would, it will all go bad, 626 00:42:48.460 --> 00:42:51.700 but I also know on Facebook about bad people 627 00:42:51.700 --> 00:42:54.420 and bad experience relationships and toxic, 628 00:42:54.420 --> 00:42:58.340 because a lot of women at my age can see that, 629 00:42:58.340 --> 00:43:00.060 but at the same time, I'm not the kind of person 630 00:43:00.060 --> 00:43:01.340 who lets things go away, saying, 631 00:43:01.340 --> 00:43:03.620 you know what, let's have growth. 632 00:43:03.620 --> 00:43:04.460 Let's not give up. 633 00:43:04.460 --> 00:43:05.980 I mean, here's the thing. 634 00:43:05.980 --> 00:43:10.980 I mean, I think your persistency is amazing, 635 00:43:12.340 --> 00:43:15.500 because you're always coming with, you know, 636 00:43:15.500 --> 00:43:17.420 I'm doing this, I'm doing that, 637 00:43:17.420 --> 00:43:21.140 and you're never usually afraid to go after it, 638 00:43:21.140 --> 00:43:22.980 so I love that. 639 00:43:22.980 --> 00:43:24.780 I don't think you're doing the wrong thing. 640 00:43:24.780 --> 00:43:28.500 I mean, I think you're aware of when things are appropriate 641 00:43:28.500 --> 00:43:29.500 and when they're not appropriate, 642 00:43:29.500 --> 00:43:32.260 so that's always good as well, so. 643 00:43:32.260 --> 00:43:33.420 It's like jujitsu. 644 00:43:33.420 --> 00:43:36.700 You don't, when you get pounded during the mat, 645 00:43:36.700 --> 00:43:37.540 you don't give up. 646 00:43:37.540 --> 00:43:39.500 You can give up, or you can just learn more. 647 00:43:39.500 --> 00:43:40.700 Right, right, exactly. 648 00:43:40.700 --> 00:43:43.060 And I don't give, I don't give, 649 00:43:43.060 --> 00:43:44.780 well, I know how I don't have this give up, 650 00:43:44.780 --> 00:43:46.580 but the thing is, because I don't want to say, 651 00:43:46.580 --> 00:43:47.820 look, I'm not antisocial. 652 00:43:47.820 --> 00:43:48.860 I'm putting myself out there, 653 00:43:48.860 --> 00:43:51.140 but at the same time, I want to ask, 654 00:43:51.140 --> 00:43:53.340 have I, what have I done all those years in this way 655 00:43:53.340 --> 00:43:55.420 has been counterproductive or not? 656 00:43:55.420 --> 00:43:58.340 Yeah, no, it's not counterproductive at all. 657 00:43:58.340 --> 00:44:03.340 It's completely contributing to your success at some point. 658 00:44:03.660 --> 00:44:06.420 I mean, I have no doubt in my mind that at some point, 659 00:44:06.420 --> 00:44:10.060 this is all going to pay off for you in the place, 660 00:44:10.060 --> 00:44:14.220 and so I just, you know, I'm adding my faith to your faith 661 00:44:14.220 --> 00:44:15.380 to believe that, you know, 662 00:44:15.380 --> 00:44:17.980 that person's going to reveal themselves, 663 00:44:17.980 --> 00:44:19.660 you know, sooner than later. 664 00:44:19.660 --> 00:44:21.580 So I think it's great. 665 00:44:21.580 --> 00:44:23.420 And then there's also a thing is, 666 00:44:23.420 --> 00:44:24.940 I'm already 37, I'm going to be, 667 00:44:24.940 --> 00:44:26.540 in a couple of months, I'm going to be 38. 668 00:44:26.540 --> 00:44:28.820 I don't know if I've done anything productive 669 00:44:28.820 --> 00:44:29.660 in those lives. 670 00:44:31.220 --> 00:44:32.500 It's just a number. 671 00:44:33.940 --> 00:44:35.260 40 is the new 20. 672 00:44:36.700 --> 00:44:37.540 So. 673 00:44:37.540 --> 00:44:38.380 No, it's not. 674 00:44:38.380 --> 00:44:39.220 It's the new 30. 675 00:44:39.220 --> 00:44:40.140 It is. 676 00:44:40.140 --> 00:44:42.020 40 is the new 20. 677 00:44:42.860 --> 00:44:43.700 I'll take it. 678 00:44:43.700 --> 00:44:45.980 I'm turning 40 in two months, so. 679 00:44:45.980 --> 00:44:47.940 Yeah, you're just getting started. 680 00:44:47.940 --> 00:44:50.340 No, there really is scientific evidence. 681 00:44:50.340 --> 00:44:51.820 I just heard this the other day. 682 00:44:51.820 --> 00:44:52.660 I'm not a scientist. 683 00:44:52.660 --> 00:44:53.780 I'm not a doctor. 684 00:44:53.780 --> 00:44:55.380 I don't even play one on TV. 685 00:44:55.380 --> 00:44:56.620 I'm just letting you know. 686 00:44:56.620 --> 00:44:58.140 This is what I heard. 687 00:44:58.140 --> 00:44:59.460 And they said that if, 688 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.160 If you actually that's how how did this go if you get your health under control and 689 00:45:09.080 --> 00:45:13.040 You're in your like 40s already and you're heading towards 50 690 00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:16.000 even if you're 50 691 00:45:16.040 --> 00:45:21.040 But especially if you're in your 30s, but if you get your health under control now 692 00:45:22.880 --> 00:45:28.880 Because of the pharmaceuticals and because of the healthcare industry and because the things that are being developed 693 00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:31.440 for longevity 694 00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:33.440 It's actually 695 00:45:34.280 --> 00:45:36.120 Scientifically 696 00:45:36.120 --> 00:45:38.120 behaviorally 697 00:45:38.280 --> 00:45:40.280 Anthropologically sociologically 698 00:45:40.840 --> 00:45:43.000 possible and proven that 699 00:45:44.040 --> 00:45:49.560 People could start really actually living till in well into their hundreds 700 00:45:50.840 --> 00:45:55.480 Because of what's coming medically down the down the pike to promote 701 00:45:56.360 --> 00:46:03.440 Health and growth and like, you know fixing disease and fixing things that are like it's like anyway 702 00:46:03.600 --> 00:46:06.360 That's that's a thing. It's not like a pipe dream 703 00:46:06.360 --> 00:46:09.640 It's actually a thing that that's being written about and studied and everything 704 00:46:09.640 --> 00:46:15.480 so it's kind of interesting, you know, if you're in your 30s and 40s, but even if you're in your 50s and 705 00:46:15.880 --> 00:46:17.440 You're in poor health 706 00:46:17.440 --> 00:46:20.280 You actually still have a chance to get your health straightened out 707 00:46:20.280 --> 00:46:24.640 You could take a couple years and get your health lose weight get your health, you know 708 00:46:24.640 --> 00:46:28.160 Get your habits together eat well and get into a state of well-being 709 00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:31.560 That you could actually extend your life 710 00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:34.960 Another 15 20 years even in your 50s 711 00:46:36.720 --> 00:46:38.720 Beyond what your expectation would be 712 00:46:39.360 --> 00:46:42.480 So in other words if you're in your 50s and you're not healthy 713 00:46:42.720 --> 00:46:47.200 Your life expectancy is severely decreased and you're probably only going to live to you know 714 00:46:47.240 --> 00:46:50.160 Maybe 70 75, you know in that in that range 715 00:46:50.360 --> 00:46:56.760 Maybe late 70s, but you have the possibility even of getting because of the medical advancements 716 00:46:57.280 --> 00:46:59.280 That you have the possibility of getting your health together 717 00:46:59.320 --> 00:47:05.160 Even if you are into your 50s, but even more so if you're 40s even 30s even so more so 718 00:47:05.960 --> 00:47:07.680 possibility of extending 719 00:47:07.680 --> 00:47:09.680 Your life another 20 years 720 00:47:10.160 --> 00:47:12.160 Not that was kind of fascinating 721 00:47:13.240 --> 00:47:16.280 So it really is true that actually, you know, you're just getting started 722 00:47:18.200 --> 00:47:20.200 Anybody else 723 00:47:27.000 --> 00:47:29.000 Nobody else 724 00:47:30.680 --> 00:47:32.440 All right 725 00:47:32.440 --> 00:47:35.040 All right, guys. Um, thank you for joining us tonight. Um 726 00:47:35.960 --> 00:47:41.920 Recorded this so if you want to watch it and replay or you want to definitely you definitely can get the book now 727 00:47:41.920 --> 00:47:43.320 It's out on Amazon 728 00:47:43.320 --> 00:47:47.120 So you can go to Amazon you go to Jackie Dorman or go to modern dating sucks 729 00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:50.440 There's a couple other book. It's it's kind of new 730 00:47:50.440 --> 00:47:54.920 So when you're searching for it, you have to maybe search a couple times for it 731 00:47:55.080 --> 00:48:00.720 So put in modern dating sucks Jackie Dorman or Jackie Dorman modern dating sucks, and you should be able to find it 732 00:48:00.720 --> 00:48:03.080 It's a blue book like this or blue. Whatever this color is 733 00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:07.240 You can find it. You can buy it on Amazon. You'll get it in like two days and 734 00:48:07.960 --> 00:48:09.880 So you can buy the book and 735 00:48:09.880 --> 00:48:14.960 then when the link comes out and we send the email out to join the book club make sure you join the book club if 736 00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:16.680 You can because it's going to be 737 00:48:16.680 --> 00:48:20.440 It's going to actually be really really really good. Like I said, this book is 738 00:48:21.240 --> 00:48:24.960 95% or more just practical good solid 739 00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:27.840 dating 740 00:48:28.040 --> 00:48:34.840 Advice I mean my guys god bless you. Have a great great evening. We'll talk to you soon 741 00:48:37.240 --> 00:48:39.240 You