WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.720 Okay, we are doing the love seats tonight. 2 00:00:05.720 --> 00:00:06.720 This is Renee. 3 00:00:06.720 --> 00:00:07.720 I am not Jackie. 4 00:00:07.720 --> 00:00:14.200 And before I hit record, I let folks know that Jackie had a home emergency and a medical 5 00:00:14.200 --> 00:00:16.020 issue come up all at the last minute. 6 00:00:16.020 --> 00:00:17.720 So I'm going to tag in for coaching. 7 00:00:17.720 --> 00:00:20.880 She will be back next week for a love seat episode. 8 00:00:20.880 --> 00:00:23.760 So you will still get your Jackie fix for the month. 9 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:29.560 And so I was just starting off talking about what is it like to date in level two. 10 00:00:29.560 --> 00:00:30.840 And so it's still dating. 11 00:00:30.840 --> 00:00:32.800 You guys, you can still flirt. 12 00:00:32.800 --> 00:00:35.760 You can flirt without being sexual. 13 00:00:35.760 --> 00:00:38.080 You can still smile. 14 00:00:38.080 --> 00:00:40.400 You can still put your hand on their shoulder. 15 00:00:40.400 --> 00:00:44.360 There's still ways that you can flirt and win people over. 16 00:00:44.360 --> 00:00:47.360 And if you don't know how to flirt, Jackie did a great teaching on it. 17 00:00:47.360 --> 00:00:51.720 And I think February of 2024, I think that's what Bethany mentioned. 18 00:00:51.720 --> 00:00:53.840 But it's it should be fun and flirty. 19 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:59.920 Like men should see in that first level two dating what it's like to date you. 20 00:00:59.920 --> 00:01:05.239 Now you're not making out with him or her, but you can still show what a dating, what 21 00:01:05.239 --> 00:01:06.440 dating you looks like. 22 00:01:06.440 --> 00:01:12.960 Because how I act with men that are just my friends is very different than how I flirt 23 00:01:12.960 --> 00:01:14.280 on dates. 24 00:01:14.280 --> 00:01:17.480 Now if I'm not into the guy, I don't flirt. 25 00:01:17.480 --> 00:01:19.820 And then I just am friendly. 26 00:01:19.820 --> 00:01:26.140 And so I just want to make sure you guys feel the freedom to flirt. 27 00:01:26.140 --> 00:01:28.540 And learn how to flirt without being sexual. 28 00:01:28.540 --> 00:01:31.220 It's kind of like you guys, you can actually be a comedian. 29 00:01:31.220 --> 00:01:32.580 Like I love Nate Bargatze. 30 00:01:32.580 --> 00:01:35.940 He has shown that you could be a comedian without being filthy. 31 00:01:35.940 --> 00:01:38.460 Like you can actually be funny and Leanne Morgan. 32 00:01:38.460 --> 00:01:39.460 You can be funny. 33 00:01:39.460 --> 00:01:40.460 What is it with the South? 34 00:01:40.460 --> 00:01:42.220 See, they know how to do it in the South. 35 00:01:42.220 --> 00:01:45.700 You can be funny without swearing and without being sexual. 36 00:01:45.700 --> 00:01:47.580 And the same is true with flirting. 37 00:01:47.580 --> 00:01:51.940 You can flirt without being sexual and without swearing. 38 00:01:51.940 --> 00:01:54.640 And so practice that. 39 00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:59.940 And so because people, especially guys, guys want to see your feminine side. 40 00:01:59.940 --> 00:02:04.420 And so we're going to avoid phrases like, we're just friends. 41 00:02:04.420 --> 00:02:05.740 We're friend zoning each other. 42 00:02:05.740 --> 00:02:06.820 So does that feel good? 43 00:02:06.820 --> 00:02:10.979 Like we want to be careful of using the friend zone wording. 44 00:02:10.979 --> 00:02:14.740 We're just not adding the physical romance right now. 45 00:02:14.740 --> 00:02:15.740 Yeah. 46 00:02:15.740 --> 00:02:16.740 Okay. 47 00:02:16.740 --> 00:02:17.740 Awesome. 48 00:02:17.740 --> 00:02:22.340 Last week I practiced flirting by making eye contact. 49 00:02:22.340 --> 00:02:23.340 Yes. 50 00:02:23.340 --> 00:02:24.340 Nora, that's it. 51 00:02:24.340 --> 00:02:26.420 I mean, it's all about the eye contact. 52 00:02:26.420 --> 00:02:27.420 Let's see. 53 00:02:27.420 --> 00:02:29.300 Who can I start to flirt with right now? 54 00:02:29.300 --> 00:02:33.780 Well, Nora, I can flirt with you because you're right up dead center. 55 00:02:33.780 --> 00:02:40.300 See like, see like, you know. 56 00:02:40.540 --> 00:02:42.260 It sounds like silly, but it's all good. 57 00:02:42.260 --> 00:02:43.260 Okay. 58 00:02:43.260 --> 00:02:46.940 So I think I've beat that dead horse. 59 00:02:46.940 --> 00:02:48.860 Phone dates versus video dates. 60 00:02:48.860 --> 00:02:55.780 Another person was really struggling with trying to stop the other person from oversharing. 61 00:02:55.780 --> 00:02:56.780 And she was right. 62 00:02:56.780 --> 00:03:01.540 It is really hard to stop oversharing when you're only with the person on the phone. 63 00:03:01.540 --> 00:03:06.660 Because if I'm physically with you and you can see me and you start to overshare, look 64 00:03:06.660 --> 00:03:09.020 what I get to do when you start to overshare. 65 00:03:09.020 --> 00:03:10.020 Whoa. 66 00:03:10.020 --> 00:03:12.220 I need you to hold on for a sec. 67 00:03:12.220 --> 00:03:15.460 Like, I really want to hear that at some point. 68 00:03:15.460 --> 00:03:16.460 Now's not the time. 69 00:03:16.460 --> 00:03:22.060 Do you see how I can visually slow you down? 70 00:03:22.060 --> 00:03:26.380 But I can't do that on the phone, especially if people are just running their mouth off. 71 00:03:26.380 --> 00:03:29.100 You can't get a word in edgewise. 72 00:03:29.100 --> 00:03:32.980 And it's fine, babe, just let it go. 73 00:03:32.980 --> 00:03:38.020 My dog is barking because the cleaners have decided to clean the hallways at this hour. 74 00:03:39.020 --> 00:03:41.460 Yes. 75 00:03:41.460 --> 00:03:45.660 So that's why I am not a fan of a lot of phone dates. 76 00:03:45.660 --> 00:03:46.660 You already know. 77 00:03:46.660 --> 00:03:51.940 I'm a fan of video dates and in-person dates so you can see their body language. 78 00:03:51.940 --> 00:03:54.860 You can just get a better gauge of who they are. 79 00:03:54.860 --> 00:03:57.900 So yes, once you start dating, do you want to switch over to phone dates? 80 00:03:57.900 --> 00:04:00.300 Fine, whatever, because you don't always look good. 81 00:04:00.300 --> 00:04:05.740 But it is really hard when you're first getting to know somebody to set the pace when you're 82 00:04:05.740 --> 00:04:06.740 only on the phone. 83 00:04:06.740 --> 00:04:07.940 It's a lot harder to stop them. 84 00:04:07.940 --> 00:04:12.620 So that is another good reason for video dates. 85 00:04:12.620 --> 00:04:14.700 Okay. 86 00:04:14.700 --> 00:04:16.459 I also saw this. 87 00:04:16.459 --> 00:04:21.100 Some of us women, we want men to have these exotic, fabulous questions, right? 88 00:04:21.100 --> 00:04:25.380 Like you know all those questions I used to ask in single spotlight that are fun and flirty? 89 00:04:25.380 --> 00:04:29.540 And if you guys don't know fun, flirty questions to ask, pull up any of the single spotlights 90 00:04:29.540 --> 00:04:31.820 that we've done over the last year. 91 00:04:31.820 --> 00:04:36.460 There's always at least a dozen fun, silly questions I ask people. 92 00:04:36.460 --> 00:04:39.380 And just have them in your back pocket ready to go. 93 00:04:39.380 --> 00:04:40.780 But not everybody's in coaching. 94 00:04:40.780 --> 00:04:46.420 So sometimes if you ask really good questions, now here's what I do. 95 00:04:46.420 --> 00:04:47.420 What I used to do. 96 00:04:47.420 --> 00:04:51.220 Because I'm married now, so I got to say it like it's a past tense. 97 00:04:51.220 --> 00:04:55.780 So what I used to do is if I had some really fun questions, I would actually say, hey, 98 00:04:55.780 --> 00:04:57.740 I have a few fun questions. 99 00:04:57.740 --> 00:05:00.060 Do you mind if like we each take turns? 100 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.540 sharing answers about them. 101 00:05:02.540 --> 00:05:04.540 So I already tell them upfront, 102 00:05:04.540 --> 00:05:07.460 we're gonna take turns sharing the answers 103 00:05:07.460 --> 00:05:10.740 so that it's not just a one-way conversation. 104 00:05:10.740 --> 00:05:12.780 But if you say, well, 105 00:05:12.780 --> 00:05:15.100 if they realize they've done all the talking, 106 00:05:15.100 --> 00:05:16.380 this is true for men and women, 107 00:05:16.380 --> 00:05:18.340 and they go to you, oh my gosh, 108 00:05:18.340 --> 00:05:20.220 I've just done all the talking, 109 00:05:20.220 --> 00:05:22.980 please tell me about yourself. 110 00:05:22.980 --> 00:05:25.140 Do not throw back in their court, 111 00:05:25.140 --> 00:05:26.780 well, what do you wanna know? 112 00:05:27.860 --> 00:05:29.140 They've already let you know 113 00:05:29.140 --> 00:05:31.540 they kinda don't know exactly what to ask, 114 00:05:31.540 --> 00:05:35.180 but they've already realized that they're talking too much. 115 00:05:35.180 --> 00:05:37.780 So they've just lobbied it to you. 116 00:05:37.780 --> 00:05:39.480 And so you're like, well, where do I start? 117 00:05:39.480 --> 00:05:41.020 And you can even say, well, gosh, 118 00:05:41.020 --> 00:05:41.900 I don't know where to start, 119 00:05:41.900 --> 00:05:43.580 so let me give you some basics. 120 00:05:43.580 --> 00:05:47.420 If there's anything that I say that piques your interest, 121 00:05:47.420 --> 00:05:50.020 feel free to ask me more about it. 122 00:05:50.020 --> 00:05:51.060 And that's when you can need 123 00:05:51.060 --> 00:05:53.780 to have prepared your elevator pitch. 124 00:05:53.780 --> 00:05:56.020 The thing that you can say about yourself 125 00:05:56.020 --> 00:05:58.540 in under a minute that gives people 126 00:05:58.580 --> 00:06:00.620 the gist of what they do. 127 00:06:00.620 --> 00:06:02.460 You know, what you do, what you like, 128 00:06:02.460 --> 00:06:05.180 what you're looking for, things that matter to you. 129 00:06:05.180 --> 00:06:08.380 So if they ask you, so tell me about yourself, 130 00:06:08.380 --> 00:06:12.420 don't jump back with, what do you want to know? 131 00:06:12.420 --> 00:06:14.380 Chances are that was the best question 132 00:06:14.380 --> 00:06:15.760 they had in their arsenal. 133 00:06:15.760 --> 00:06:17.060 So just work with it. 134 00:06:17.060 --> 00:06:19.100 Help a brother, help a sister out. 135 00:06:20.580 --> 00:06:21.420 Okay. 136 00:06:24.020 --> 00:06:26.100 And the other thing I wanted to say is, 137 00:06:26.100 --> 00:06:29.140 so for those of you that have been slogging it out 138 00:06:29.140 --> 00:06:30.780 as long as me, like you're like, 139 00:06:30.780 --> 00:06:33.420 Renee, I remember when y'all first started the program. 140 00:06:33.420 --> 00:06:36.100 I am doing everything that Jackie 141 00:06:36.100 --> 00:06:37.900 and you and Bethy have asked to do. 142 00:06:37.900 --> 00:06:39.060 I'm working on my weight. 143 00:06:39.060 --> 00:06:40.140 I'm working on movement. 144 00:06:40.140 --> 00:06:43.900 I'm working on my food, fellowship, friends, finances. 145 00:06:43.900 --> 00:06:45.940 I'm on the apps or if I'm not on the apps, 146 00:06:45.940 --> 00:06:47.020 I'm going to meet up groups. 147 00:06:47.020 --> 00:06:49.900 Like I literally am doing everything 148 00:06:49.900 --> 00:06:51.540 that you guys are asking me to do. 149 00:06:51.540 --> 00:06:53.560 And I'm still not with my person. 150 00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:55.460 What else do I need to do? 151 00:06:55.460 --> 00:06:57.220 The answer is nothing. 152 00:06:57.220 --> 00:06:58.220 That's the answer. 153 00:06:58.220 --> 00:07:02.180 Just keep doing what we've encouraged you to do, 154 00:07:02.180 --> 00:07:05.180 but make sure the one thing that you are doing 155 00:07:05.180 --> 00:07:06.760 is making sure that you leave room 156 00:07:06.760 --> 00:07:08.840 for things that bring you joy. 157 00:07:08.840 --> 00:07:12.040 Because if your man or woman isn't there to bring you joy, 158 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:14.420 you need other things or people in your life 159 00:07:14.420 --> 00:07:15.660 to bring you joy. 160 00:07:15.660 --> 00:07:18.780 Whether it's go on vacations, join a book club, 161 00:07:18.780 --> 00:07:21.660 take a cooking class, I don't know. 162 00:07:21.660 --> 00:07:23.580 Whatever it is that's going to bring you joy, 163 00:07:23.580 --> 00:07:26.020 make sure that you have space to do it. 164 00:07:26.020 --> 00:07:28.860 I wish I could tell you that there was something magical 165 00:07:28.860 --> 00:07:31.260 and different that I did the year I met Brian 166 00:07:31.260 --> 00:07:34.140 versus any of the previous years. 167 00:07:34.140 --> 00:07:36.860 Sometimes it's literally just timing. 168 00:07:36.860 --> 00:07:39.680 Sometimes you're just waiting for the other person 169 00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:41.260 to get ready for you. 170 00:07:41.260 --> 00:07:42.420 Does that make sense? 171 00:07:42.420 --> 00:07:46.320 So I want some of you to kind of like be relieved 172 00:07:46.320 --> 00:07:50.420 that if you really are doing all that we've asked you to do, 173 00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:53.060 then don't stop doing it, but don't be discouraged 174 00:07:53.100 --> 00:07:56.100 and don't beat yourself up that you're doing something wrong. 175 00:07:57.100 --> 00:08:02.100 You know, I really wished I could have met Brian, 176 00:08:02.260 --> 00:08:03.780 especially when his kids were younger, 177 00:08:03.780 --> 00:08:05.020 because right now they're grown adults 178 00:08:05.020 --> 00:08:06.100 that live very far away. 179 00:08:06.100 --> 00:08:08.060 So I don't get to really be the bonus mom 180 00:08:08.060 --> 00:08:09.740 that I was hoping I was going to get to be, 181 00:08:09.740 --> 00:08:11.860 simply because his kids are a lot older. 182 00:08:11.860 --> 00:08:13.540 But you know what? 183 00:08:13.540 --> 00:08:16.860 Brian had a lot of baggage when his mom was still alive 184 00:08:16.860 --> 00:08:19.700 and I had a lot of baggage when my dad was still alive. 185 00:08:19.700 --> 00:08:22.680 And we both lost our parent. 186 00:08:23.320 --> 00:08:24.600 Almost at around the same exact time 187 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:26.360 when we did not know each other. 188 00:08:26.360 --> 00:08:29.000 So there may be some part of your story 189 00:08:29.000 --> 00:08:32.000 and some part or some part of your partner's story 190 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:33.760 that just needs to come to pass. 191 00:08:33.760 --> 00:08:36.159 And it has nothing to do with you not doing enough 192 00:08:36.159 --> 00:08:38.000 or doing too much of something. 193 00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:40.840 So I just want you to trust in that. 194 00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:43.720 And so even though I had to wait until I was 57, 195 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:46.720 and by golly, that's way later than I wanted it to be, 196 00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:50.100 I promise you, we have such a good marriage. 197 00:08:50.100 --> 00:08:52.560 And Jackie and I actually got to be in person this weekend. 198 00:08:53.400 --> 00:08:54.240 And we talked about it a lot. 199 00:08:54.240 --> 00:08:55.320 She said, you know, Renee, 200 00:08:55.320 --> 00:08:58.740 your marriage is going so much more smoothly 201 00:08:58.740 --> 00:09:00.380 than a lot of early marriages, 202 00:09:00.380 --> 00:09:02.340 especially when you've been single 203 00:09:02.340 --> 00:09:03.720 for as long as you've been single. 204 00:09:03.720 --> 00:09:05.720 And she goes, I think it's just because the two of you 205 00:09:05.720 --> 00:09:08.560 did so much heartwork ahead of time. 206 00:09:08.560 --> 00:09:12.060 Like you came to the marriage already healthy 207 00:09:12.060 --> 00:09:13.720 with your stuff together. 208 00:09:13.720 --> 00:09:17.160 And so I just want to encourage you in that. 209 00:09:17.160 --> 00:09:18.800 That's like the last thing I just wanted to say 210 00:09:18.800 --> 00:09:20.280 before we take questions, 211 00:09:20.280 --> 00:09:22.920 is I just want to encourage you. 212 00:09:22.920 --> 00:09:27.920 And if you are weary from this, 213 00:09:28.460 --> 00:09:31.620 then make sure that there's something in your life 214 00:09:31.620 --> 00:09:33.360 that lifts the weary. 215 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:34.480 Whether it's, like I said, 216 00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:36.920 whether it's going to vacation, get a massage, 217 00:09:38.200 --> 00:09:40.280 and take breaks if you need to, you guys. 218 00:09:40.280 --> 00:09:42.060 It's like take a break from a dating app, 219 00:09:42.060 --> 00:09:43.320 take a break from something 220 00:09:43.320 --> 00:09:46.280 so you don't have to be hitting it from all cylinders 221 00:09:46.280 --> 00:09:47.640 at all of the time. 222 00:09:47.640 --> 00:09:50.320 But just make sure you don't go to zero. 223 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:52.480 You might not be operating at 100%, 224 00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:54.520 but stay somewhere above 60. 225 00:09:54.520 --> 00:09:57.240 That would just be my goal for you. 226 00:09:57.240 --> 00:09:58.400 So that's just my encouragement. 227 00:09:58.400 --> 00:10:00.440 All right, raise your hand if you've got. 228 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.800 Scenarios, questions, of course, loveseats. 229 00:10:02.800 --> 00:10:05.840 It can be just about anything. 230 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:08.480 Ideally, if you can, unless you're somewhere 231 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:10.440 and you're not dressed appropriately, 232 00:10:10.440 --> 00:10:14.560 ideally, if you come on, that you would be on camera 233 00:10:14.560 --> 00:10:15.840 so I can see who you are. 234 00:10:15.840 --> 00:10:17.100 Lily, is it Lily? 235 00:10:21.300 --> 00:10:22.320 Can you unmute, Lily? 236 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:23.960 I don't see you. 237 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:24.800 I'll unmute. 238 00:10:24.800 --> 00:10:26.400 Okay. 239 00:10:26.400 --> 00:10:28.360 There you are. 240 00:10:28.400 --> 00:10:30.600 See, I like to even look at the chicks I'm talking to, 241 00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:31.480 not just the men. 242 00:10:31.480 --> 00:10:32.560 Okay, there you go. 243 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:37.280 Okay, so I asked my scenario. 244 00:10:37.280 --> 00:10:38.440 Okay, sorry. 245 00:10:38.440 --> 00:10:40.000 No, you're good. 246 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:43.920 Okay, so I seem to, 247 00:10:45.280 --> 00:10:46.600 I'm trying to figure something out. 248 00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:51.440 So I live in Georgia and I have in the past, 249 00:10:51.440 --> 00:10:53.080 I look at, I'm looking at my patterns. 250 00:10:53.080 --> 00:10:57.800 So in the past three years, I've gone out with, gosh, 251 00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:00.040 four men. 252 00:11:00.040 --> 00:11:02.600 And so I'm trying to figure out, 253 00:11:03.680 --> 00:11:07.020 the length of the distance is like about an hour. 254 00:11:07.880 --> 00:11:12.880 Right now, the current boyfriend is an hour and a half. 255 00:11:13.800 --> 00:11:16.800 And it's made it very challenging 256 00:11:16.800 --> 00:11:19.560 because his schedule is just so, 257 00:11:19.560 --> 00:11:20.760 he doesn't have weekends off. 258 00:11:20.760 --> 00:11:22.360 We don't have the same days off. 259 00:11:23.760 --> 00:11:27.200 And he's been trying to get it back on 260 00:11:27.640 --> 00:11:31.120 so that, well, he's trying to get a job 261 00:11:31.120 --> 00:11:33.320 where we have the same schedule. 262 00:11:33.320 --> 00:11:36.520 And it's becoming just very challenging. 263 00:11:36.520 --> 00:11:38.440 And so I'm- 264 00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:40.960 Did you write in about this at all? 265 00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:42.280 I feel like I've seen this. 266 00:11:42.280 --> 00:11:43.120 Did you? 267 00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:45.600 Yeah, so I'm wondering like, 268 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:47.600 because it's affecting him so much, 269 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:50.960 I'm thinking, do we just then take a break 270 00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:54.000 from the whole relationship and let him figure that out? 271 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:54.840 Or it just- 272 00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:58.000 So I'm not sure if you saw the suggestion I gave. 273 00:11:58.000 --> 00:11:59.240 So how- 274 00:11:59.240 --> 00:12:01.040 I really understand it. 275 00:12:01.040 --> 00:12:02.400 Okay, well then that's why I'll explain it. 276 00:12:02.400 --> 00:12:04.360 Okay, so you guys are exclusive, right? 277 00:12:05.400 --> 00:12:06.240 Yeah. 278 00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:08.680 And how long have y'all been together? 279 00:12:08.680 --> 00:12:11.540 Since, officially since January, 280 00:12:11.540 --> 00:12:13.040 but we've been in each other's lives 281 00:12:13.040 --> 00:12:15.520 since November of last year. 282 00:12:15.520 --> 00:12:17.080 Okay, so enough time. 283 00:12:17.080 --> 00:12:18.640 So what I was suggesting, 284 00:12:18.640 --> 00:12:21.480 because an hour and a half is a long haul, 285 00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:23.980 but 45 minutes is less of a haul. 286 00:12:23.980 --> 00:12:26.880 So what I was trying to suggest was, 287 00:12:26.880 --> 00:12:30.340 instead of like somebody having to do that long drive 288 00:12:30.340 --> 00:12:32.460 and it be like long dates, 289 00:12:33.340 --> 00:12:36.940 could you one or two days a week meet halfway? 290 00:12:36.940 --> 00:12:38.340 And if you're gonna meet halfway, 291 00:12:38.340 --> 00:12:40.560 obviously it's not at each other's homes. 292 00:12:40.560 --> 00:12:42.160 And because he's so stressed, 293 00:12:42.160 --> 00:12:44.580 I was thinking, can you do things like 294 00:12:45.580 --> 00:12:48.180 go to the gym, an escape game, 295 00:12:48.180 --> 00:12:50.780 go play darts, go play pool, 296 00:12:50.780 --> 00:12:55.060 like actually do something that would relieve his stress 297 00:12:55.060 --> 00:12:57.460 and be fun and playful. 298 00:12:57.460 --> 00:13:02.260 And then every other week you would take, 299 00:13:02.260 --> 00:13:03.540 or on the weekends, 300 00:13:03.540 --> 00:13:07.300 one of you would take turns doing the 90 minute drive, 301 00:13:07.300 --> 00:13:09.220 whether it's going to church together 302 00:13:09.220 --> 00:13:11.180 and it's something a little bit more in depth 303 00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:12.020 and meaningful. 304 00:13:12.020 --> 00:13:14.980 So that was what I was suggesting is, 305 00:13:14.980 --> 00:13:18.140 instead of you calling it quits, 306 00:13:18.140 --> 00:13:20.820 or instead of you trying to keep slugging it out 307 00:13:20.820 --> 00:13:22.400 the way you're doing it, 308 00:13:22.400 --> 00:13:25.580 if before you bailed on this relationship, 309 00:13:25.580 --> 00:13:27.880 if he still wants to, 310 00:13:27.880 --> 00:13:31.220 could you try to meet halfway a couple of days a week? 311 00:13:31.220 --> 00:13:34.020 Now, I don't know what hours you guys both work, 312 00:13:34.020 --> 00:13:36.700 so I don't know if you guys both get done 313 00:13:36.700 --> 00:13:38.080 at like five or six, 314 00:13:38.080 --> 00:13:40.020 can you be somewhere by seven o'clock 315 00:13:40.020 --> 00:13:42.260 and like do something fun 316 00:13:42.260 --> 00:13:45.580 and then you go your separate ways kind of thing. 317 00:13:45.580 --> 00:13:48.740 And then, if you do that once or twice a week 318 00:13:48.740 --> 00:13:51.540 and then you FaceTime once a week, 319 00:13:51.540 --> 00:13:54.940 that's helping you guys maintain that relationship 320 00:13:54.940 --> 00:13:57.420 while also doing something fun together 321 00:13:57.420 --> 00:13:59.260 and not stressful together. 322 00:13:59.260 --> 00:14:00.960 So that was what my, I don't know where you went, 323 00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:02.740 you must've undid your hand. 324 00:14:02.740 --> 00:14:06.500 So does that make more sense? 325 00:14:06.500 --> 00:14:08.900 Yeah, it makes more sense. 326 00:14:08.900 --> 00:14:12.940 What if he's not, he just doesn't have energy to do that? 327 00:14:12.940 --> 00:14:15.620 Well, then if he doesn't have the energy to do even that, 328 00:14:15.620 --> 00:14:17.660 then I think it is okay for you to say, 329 00:14:17.660 --> 00:14:20.000 hey, I don't want to do this right now, 330 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:24.020 but it doesn't seem like you have the capacity 331 00:14:24.020 --> 00:14:25.660 to be putting in for dating. 332 00:14:25.660 --> 00:14:26.700 And I don't want any, 333 00:14:26.700 --> 00:14:29.900 either one of us to feel forced into doing this. 334 00:14:29.900 --> 00:14:32.540 So I'd rather release you 335 00:14:32.540 --> 00:14:35.820 until you get to a season where you have capacity. 336 00:14:35.820 --> 00:14:37.620 And when that season comes, 337 00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:40.300 I don't know if I'll be single or not, 338 00:14:40.300 --> 00:14:42.340 but feel free to reach out to me 339 00:14:42.780 --> 00:14:45.620 and I'll let you know that if I am or not available. 340 00:14:45.620 --> 00:14:47.180 Right, yeah, that works 341 00:14:47.180 --> 00:14:51.260 because it's just been overwhelming and stressful 342 00:14:51.260 --> 00:14:52.700 and then he'll complain about the drive. 343 00:14:52.700 --> 00:14:53.520 He just complains, 344 00:14:53.520 --> 00:14:55.140 and I don't want to hear about the complaints. 345 00:14:55.140 --> 00:14:58.540 Yeah, yeah, for sure. 346 00:14:58.540 --> 00:15:00.140 And that's why I think if you. 347 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.760 say the phrase, it just seems like you don't have the capacity right now. 348 00:15:04.120 --> 00:15:06.480 It just it seems like everything is work. 349 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:08.520 And I just don't want that for you. 350 00:15:08.520 --> 00:15:10.200 And I don't want that for me, frankly. 351 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:15.040 I, I want somebody who has the capacity and the desire to come be with me. 352 00:15:15.320 --> 00:15:17.240 And if that's not where you're at right now, 353 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:20.280 that's just that's just our circumstances. 354 00:15:20.280 --> 00:15:25.120 So that if you say it like that, it sounds less combative. 355 00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:27.720 And it just sounds like more like that's just where you're at. 356 00:15:28.400 --> 00:15:32.440 And if he says, well, I know I want to keep seeing you, 357 00:15:32.440 --> 00:15:36.080 then you then you then you can say, well, if you want to keep seeing me, 358 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:41.360 then I think that then my preference would be for us to pick a schedule 359 00:15:41.560 --> 00:15:44.760 where neither one of us complains about it 360 00:15:45.040 --> 00:15:49.040 because the complaining and the frustration is wearing me down. 361 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:54.440 And so you need to tell me what that schedule needs to look like 362 00:15:54.680 --> 00:15:58.960 so that you can do it without being bothered by it. 363 00:15:59.040 --> 00:16:01.160 Otherwise, it's taking all the fun out of it. 364 00:16:01.160 --> 00:16:06.560 So you're kind of putting it back in his court, but kindly, but firmly. 365 00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:10.440 I mean, clearly, you know, being clear 366 00:16:11.520 --> 00:16:13.760 if if the relationship ends, 367 00:16:14.560 --> 00:16:18.680 do I just avoid the, you know, 368 00:16:18.680 --> 00:16:23.160 getting to know men who I have to drive more than an hour? 369 00:16:23.760 --> 00:16:27.400 I wouldn't. I mean, I will say, I mean, Brian was three and a half hours away 370 00:16:27.400 --> 00:16:31.920 for me. He was working a full time job at the school, also working at the hospital. 371 00:16:32.560 --> 00:16:36.680 And so and so it's and I said to him, 372 00:16:36.920 --> 00:16:38.680 how are we going to have time today? 373 00:16:38.680 --> 00:16:40.440 Like, how are we going to do this? 374 00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:42.680 And he said, well, I'd have to be intentional 375 00:16:43.160 --> 00:16:45.520 and I would only do it if I really liked you. 376 00:16:45.560 --> 00:16:49.560 So somebody will commute if they really like you. 377 00:16:49.760 --> 00:16:54.400 But I do think to me, 90 minutes like to me 378 00:16:54.800 --> 00:16:57.800 that like 90 minutes is about as far away as my sister is. 379 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:02.000 And so a lot of times we're both so lazy about driving out to each other's house. 380 00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:05.760 So we meet halfway in Nashville a lot like we'll meet out for dinner a lot. 381 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:08.160 And so and she's my sister. 382 00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:10.319 It's not like I don't I want to be in relationship with her. 383 00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:14.040 So we don't always make the trek out to each other. 384 00:17:14.040 --> 00:17:18.200 So if you're dating somebody with a further distance like that, 385 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:21.079 it might mean you're going to have early on more dates 386 00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:23.280 where you're meeting halfway. And I think that's OK. 387 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:27.520 Yeah. OK, thank you. 388 00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:32.080 I'm glad that you asked about it because I feel like that's a good common question. 389 00:17:32.520 --> 00:17:35.520 And it's just it's really it's a really good question. 390 00:17:35.520 --> 00:17:38.480 I think a lot of people have seen a version of that. 391 00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:40.920 All right, Nora, what you got? 392 00:17:41.240 --> 00:17:43.120 Hello. Hello. 393 00:17:43.120 --> 00:17:46.840 Speaking of flirting, I'm wearing my hat that I got off of Instagram 394 00:17:46.840 --> 00:17:48.440 that says I'm single. 395 00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:50.840 I love it. 396 00:17:50.840 --> 00:17:53.440 So I'm just like, you know, going about my day. 397 00:17:53.440 --> 00:17:54.760 So no takers. 398 00:17:54.760 --> 00:17:57.760 You could just put your QR code on the back of your shirt. 399 00:17:57.800 --> 00:17:59.160 Well, actually, the same. 400 00:17:59.160 --> 00:18:02.560 They also sell a shirt that has a QR code that's like looking for my future husband. 401 00:18:02.560 --> 00:18:04.840 So I haven't I haven't gotten to that level yet. 402 00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:07.680 You know? Yeah. So it's always not. 403 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:12.840 Yeah. So I have a question that's dating adjacent, 404 00:18:12.840 --> 00:18:15.080 but more about community, if that's OK. 405 00:18:15.360 --> 00:18:18.760 So I know for myself that, like, just in general, 406 00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:21.640 I thrive when I I love this community. 407 00:18:21.640 --> 00:18:23.360 That's amazing. And I'm so grateful for it. 408 00:18:23.360 --> 00:18:28.200 And also I thrive when I have more consistent in-person community 409 00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:33.560 where I feel like I'm really safe and and like where I can. 410 00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:36.160 I feel like they see the whole spectrum of me. 411 00:18:37.320 --> 00:18:41.280 And yeah. And so, you know, I've had that in the past. 412 00:18:41.520 --> 00:18:43.600 But then, you know, seasons changed and people moved. 413 00:18:43.600 --> 00:18:45.720 And so that that kind of just changed. 414 00:18:46.600 --> 00:18:50.160 But like basically right now, I'm in a space where not to bash the church 415 00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:53.120 that I'm in, but I for whatever reason, I just don't gel with them 416 00:18:53.120 --> 00:18:54.280 to the point where I don't feel safe. 417 00:18:54.280 --> 00:18:56.680 I've been trying it out for a year and it's getting to the point 418 00:18:56.680 --> 00:19:00.440 where I have clarity for me that like this is not where I'm going to thrive, 419 00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:03.760 where I feel like it's what I need in order to feel supported 420 00:19:03.760 --> 00:19:08.720 as I move through like a lot of deep heartwork, to be honest, and also dating. 421 00:19:08.720 --> 00:19:11.240 You know, like I feel because I feel more vulnerable right now 422 00:19:11.280 --> 00:19:15.400 because I have that like loneliness ache that I could be more vulnerable 423 00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:19.280 to something that's not right for me just because it's some attention versus like, 424 00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:21.400 you know, none. 425 00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:22.840 So I just I'm curious. 426 00:19:22.840 --> 00:19:26.320 I'm going to start looking at other churches, but that's kind of daunting. 427 00:19:26.320 --> 00:19:27.000 And so I'm just curious. 428 00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:29.480 Like, I would love to get your perspective of like, how do you suss out? 429 00:19:29.480 --> 00:19:33.120 What is a a church space where it's safe? 430 00:19:33.120 --> 00:19:36.040 Because obviously we're not going to be dropping our deepest trauma on each other 431 00:19:36.040 --> 00:19:40.040 like day one when you when I try church, but I find like, you know, some churches, 432 00:19:40.040 --> 00:19:43.800 you know, it's a place where you can kind of it's OK not to be OK. 433 00:19:43.800 --> 00:19:47.400 And they really mean it versus like, well, so here's here's a couple. 434 00:19:48.360 --> 00:19:49.360 Here's a few things. 435 00:19:49.360 --> 00:19:52.480 And I'll tell you just what's available in my community as 436 00:19:53.320 --> 00:19:56.200 adjacent church, adjacent options. 437 00:19:56.560 --> 00:19:59.960 One, I'm in a Facebook page called Women 438 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.560 of Williamson County, that's the county I live in. 439 00:20:02.560 --> 00:20:04.880 And I can't tell you how many times 440 00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:07.000 I've seen women put in there, 441 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:08.560 you guys, I just moved to town 442 00:20:08.560 --> 00:20:11.480 or I'm in a new season in life, I just need girlfriends. 443 00:20:11.480 --> 00:20:13.160 Here are the things I like to do. 444 00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:15.960 Does anybody, and no matter what it is, 445 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:19.180 whether it's single, old, married, has babies, 446 00:20:20.280 --> 00:20:23.760 I've always seen at least five or six women go, 447 00:20:23.760 --> 00:20:26.520 me too, let's meet for coffee. 448 00:20:26.520 --> 00:20:28.480 So that's one option. 449 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:31.600 From that, a woman in our community 450 00:20:31.600 --> 00:20:34.320 started something called Our Gathering Table. 451 00:20:34.320 --> 00:20:38.400 And they literally have meetups all around the city 452 00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:40.160 and they even have it in other states 453 00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:42.680 and fun, fun, fun ways to get to know you. 454 00:20:42.680 --> 00:20:45.840 Some people have found their best tribe in that. 455 00:20:45.840 --> 00:20:46.760 So that's another way. 456 00:20:46.760 --> 00:20:50.080 The other thing that my town has is 457 00:20:50.080 --> 00:20:52.560 there is a woman who owns a boutique 458 00:20:52.560 --> 00:20:56.100 and she sponsors like community Bible studies 459 00:20:56.100 --> 00:20:58.240 for women who wouldn't necessarily show up 460 00:20:59.000 --> 00:20:59.840 at a church. 461 00:20:59.840 --> 00:21:01.320 And so I actually, I taught my book, 462 00:21:01.320 --> 00:21:04.840 my book on hope a couple of years ago, 463 00:21:04.840 --> 00:21:08.280 and I met eight women all just in different places 464 00:21:08.280 --> 00:21:10.600 in their life who also felt like 465 00:21:10.600 --> 00:21:14.080 they weren't finding their community at church. 466 00:21:14.080 --> 00:21:17.400 And so I'm gonna encourage you to kind of like 467 00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:20.120 look into that, like search on your Facebook feed 468 00:21:20.120 --> 00:21:23.140 to see if there's a Facebook community 469 00:21:23.140 --> 00:21:25.040 for women in your community. 470 00:21:25.040 --> 00:21:27.520 Look for, you know, Google like book clubs, 471 00:21:27.520 --> 00:21:29.140 local Bible studies. 472 00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:34.080 Like, so your community, especially if you love your church, 473 00:21:34.080 --> 00:21:36.320 like sometimes people really love their pastor 474 00:21:36.320 --> 00:21:38.320 and they love going on Sunday. 475 00:21:38.320 --> 00:21:40.080 So they don't wanna give up their church, 476 00:21:40.080 --> 00:21:41.960 but they're not connecting with girlfriends. 477 00:21:41.960 --> 00:21:44.600 And here's the beauty about you doing this, 478 00:21:44.600 --> 00:21:47.980 Nora, it might introduce you to a whole different set 479 00:21:47.980 --> 00:21:50.720 of potential men that are nothing, 480 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:53.960 that might not be connected in any other way, 481 00:21:53.960 --> 00:21:56.780 except it might be the brother, cousin, friend 482 00:21:56.780 --> 00:21:59.620 of somebody in this community group. 483 00:21:59.620 --> 00:22:03.420 So I would look for that intentionally. 484 00:22:05.100 --> 00:22:07.100 I'm just suggesting that, 485 00:22:07.100 --> 00:22:11.460 and I will let people throw out in the feed for you 486 00:22:11.460 --> 00:22:14.060 what is available in their community 487 00:22:14.060 --> 00:22:16.440 that might seem like a good idea. 488 00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:18.780 The other thing that I'm just thinking of, 489 00:22:18.780 --> 00:22:21.020 and I know this is also co-ed, so this isn't, 490 00:22:21.020 --> 00:22:24.180 so here's a great way to meet men and women. 491 00:22:25.140 --> 00:22:29.980 It's called, it's like, it is like, 492 00:22:29.980 --> 00:22:32.760 I forget, I saw it on my Facebook feed. 493 00:22:32.760 --> 00:22:35.020 It's like where you put your name in the hat 494 00:22:35.020 --> 00:22:36.380 for a dinner meetup group. 495 00:22:36.380 --> 00:22:39.540 And so they match you with like five random people 496 00:22:39.540 --> 00:22:40.940 to have dinner with. 497 00:22:40.940 --> 00:22:41.760 And you- 498 00:22:41.760 --> 00:22:42.780 Is it Christian or is it just like- 499 00:22:42.780 --> 00:22:44.660 Just regular, it's just regular. 500 00:22:44.660 --> 00:22:45.740 And so here's the thing. 501 00:22:45.740 --> 00:22:47.260 And so like, I thought, my gosh, 502 00:22:47.260 --> 00:22:51.260 that's a really cool way to try to meet people 503 00:22:51.260 --> 00:22:52.500 versus just a nap. 504 00:22:52.500 --> 00:22:55.100 So yes, I mean, I found my husband on Facebook dating, 505 00:22:55.100 --> 00:22:56.420 but he's a believer. 506 00:22:56.420 --> 00:23:00.100 So chances are, you might find people who are believers 507 00:23:00.100 --> 00:23:02.340 who are just looking for community, 508 00:23:02.340 --> 00:23:04.300 but there isn't a Christian version of that. 509 00:23:04.300 --> 00:23:05.140 That's the problem. 510 00:23:05.140 --> 00:23:07.940 I don't know if there's enough Christian organizations 511 00:23:07.940 --> 00:23:08.860 doing this. 512 00:23:08.860 --> 00:23:11.460 And so, you know, you do run the risk 513 00:23:11.460 --> 00:23:13.380 of not finding somebody who's a believer, 514 00:23:13.380 --> 00:23:15.500 but you, I thought, what a cool way. 515 00:23:15.500 --> 00:23:17.300 Instead of doing speed dating, 516 00:23:17.300 --> 00:23:19.520 instead of just doing blind apps, 517 00:23:19.520 --> 00:23:21.280 you can meet men and women, 518 00:23:21.280 --> 00:23:23.800 like eight of you at a restaurant 519 00:23:23.800 --> 00:23:26.760 and worst case scenario, you get a really good meal, 520 00:23:26.760 --> 00:23:29.320 you know, and they're total buttheads. 521 00:23:29.320 --> 00:23:31.460 So those are my suggestions. 522 00:23:32.600 --> 00:23:35.720 If anybody else has suggestions 523 00:23:35.720 --> 00:23:39.020 on how Nora can find women's communities. 524 00:23:40.520 --> 00:23:41.360 Yeah. 525 00:23:41.360 --> 00:23:43.040 Then feel free. 526 00:23:43.040 --> 00:23:43.860 That's helpful. 527 00:23:43.860 --> 00:23:44.700 Thank you. 528 00:23:44.700 --> 00:23:47.240 And I mean, honestly, I'm not tied to this, 529 00:23:47.320 --> 00:23:51.000 like I don't really, I want to change. 530 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:53.360 I definitely am open to like community and other places. 531 00:23:53.360 --> 00:23:54.600 And also I don't like this church, 532 00:23:54.600 --> 00:23:55.920 so another question about just- 533 00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.240 And so here's also a way that you will know. 534 00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:01.280 So I used to be, so another thing on churches, 535 00:24:01.280 --> 00:24:02.260 cause you also mentioned, 536 00:24:02.260 --> 00:24:03.520 so thank you for bringing that back. 537 00:24:03.520 --> 00:24:06.560 Cause you mentioned a church that is willing to go deep. 538 00:24:06.560 --> 00:24:09.060 So I was a trained Stephen minister. 539 00:24:09.060 --> 00:24:13.080 So Stephen ministry is a interdenominational 540 00:24:13.080 --> 00:24:16.320 brand of lay pastoral care. 541 00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:20.920 You know, if a church has a Stephen ministry program 542 00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:25.560 and 12 step kind of recovery programs, celebrate recovery, 543 00:24:25.560 --> 00:24:29.560 chances are they're a church that will talk about stuff, 544 00:24:29.560 --> 00:24:30.400 the hard stuff. 545 00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:33.040 So either look for churches that have celebrate recovery 546 00:24:33.040 --> 00:24:35.760 in their ministries or Stephen ministry, 547 00:24:35.760 --> 00:24:38.180 chances are going to be pretty high 548 00:24:38.180 --> 00:24:41.080 that they will be willing to have the hard conversations. 549 00:24:41.080 --> 00:24:42.240 Okay, well, thank you. 550 00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:43.280 You bet. 551 00:24:43.280 --> 00:24:44.120 Marilee. 552 00:24:45.120 --> 00:24:47.000 Marilee, is it Marilee? 553 00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:47.840 It's Marilee. 554 00:24:47.840 --> 00:24:49.160 See, you mess me up every time. 555 00:24:49.160 --> 00:24:51.320 I'm sorry, girl. 556 00:24:51.320 --> 00:24:53.120 Just think of Bob. 557 00:24:53.120 --> 00:24:54.320 Just think of Bob. 558 00:24:54.320 --> 00:24:55.160 I know. 559 00:24:55.160 --> 00:24:56.000 I know. 560 00:24:57.440 --> 00:24:58.280 Okay. 561 00:24:58.280 --> 00:24:59.640 Hi, Renee. 562 00:24:59.640 --> 00:25:00.460 So my- 563 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:09.600 question is a follow-up from the last time I asked a question. And I had asked a question 564 00:25:09.600 --> 00:25:21.580 about leading, when not to lead. And this guy, I had suggested a second video chat and 565 00:25:21.580 --> 00:25:29.660 he had responded, sure. And we did have the second video chat and it was pleasant. He 566 00:25:29.660 --> 00:25:37.160 probably talked for 90% of the conversation, but it was still pleasant. And then I let 567 00:25:37.160 --> 00:25:46.560 it be. A few days passed by and finally yesterday he reached out. I said that I was off yesterday 568 00:25:46.560 --> 00:25:53.720 and he said, oh, well, if you're off, maybe we could meet at lunchtime for a coffee. But 569 00:25:53.720 --> 00:25:59.240 the time didn't work for me because I had another commitment. So, and we had not exchanged 570 00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:04.600 phone number. He had sent me his phone number and we had been communicating through FaceTime. 571 00:26:04.600 --> 00:26:12.960 So, I had his number, but he didn't have mine. So, I said, that won't work for me. How about 572 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:21.320 early afternoon, sorry, late afternoon, early evening? And he didn't respond right away 573 00:26:21.320 --> 00:26:28.720 and I had to go. So, I said, I won't have access to FaceTime in the next little while. 574 00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:35.880 If it works out for you in the afternoon or evening, you can reach me at this number, 575 00:26:35.880 --> 00:26:43.400 right? Okay. So, he reached out and said, thanks for sharing your number. And I have 576 00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:48.840 not heard from him again. And I've been... 577 00:26:48.840 --> 00:26:52.600 You don't need to do anything else. You don't need to do anything else. So, the only thing 578 00:26:52.600 --> 00:26:59.480 we need to do on our end, ladies, is after every day, if we want to see them again, we 579 00:26:59.480 --> 00:27:04.640 say, I had a great time. I'm not sure where you're at, but I would love to continue to 580 00:27:04.640 --> 00:27:12.200 get to know you. Boom. So, they don't leave that phone call wondering what you think. 581 00:27:12.200 --> 00:27:16.000 You've been clear. I would love to, I don't know where you're at, but I just wanted you 582 00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:21.640 to know, I would love to keep talking to you and keep getting to know you. 583 00:27:21.640 --> 00:27:27.240 If they offer a date, exactly what you just did, hey, I already have plans at that time, 584 00:27:27.240 --> 00:27:32.880 but I can meet at this time or this time. And then if they don't book that date, then 585 00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:38.440 that's on them. Then you're done letting them know, because you've let them know. You've 586 00:27:38.440 --> 00:27:46.520 not just said no, you've offered an alternative, but they don't pick that ball back up. And 587 00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:52.960 this is where, and men, I'm sure this happens to you with some women too. There's a phrase 588 00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:57.840 I heard somebody say, and I think it's just really true. It's sometimes they like you, 589 00:27:57.840 --> 00:28:03.400 they just don't like you enough. They don't like it enough. They're not motivated enough 590 00:28:03.400 --> 00:28:10.720 to do anything about it. You want people that like you enough or want to date enough to 591 00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:16.080 keep going. So, you don't have to do the heavy lifting. You did exactly what you needed to 592 00:28:16.080 --> 00:28:18.360 do. That was perfect. 593 00:28:18.360 --> 00:28:24.080 So, do you think at this point I can just close the loop and move on and let them know 594 00:28:24.080 --> 00:28:26.560 what it's been like meeting you? 595 00:28:26.560 --> 00:28:31.120 Okay. So, I will say this. Have you guys had an in-person date yet? 596 00:28:31.120 --> 00:28:32.720 No, no, we haven't. 597 00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:40.320 So, here's what I started to do. I would keep that Facebook connection open for like a couple 598 00:28:40.320 --> 00:28:45.520 of weeks. And then if I never heard from him again, I just delete the conversation. 599 00:28:45.520 --> 00:28:50.480 I don't go out with a big exit explanation because if they've not reached out to me in 600 00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:55.680 a couple of weeks, then I'm done. But I don't have to tell them I'm done because they've 601 00:28:55.680 --> 00:29:01.040 given me no reason. They've given me no courteous. They've not been courteous enough to earn 602 00:29:01.040 --> 00:29:06.160 that. And so, and he has your number. So, if he really wants to reach out to you after 603 00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:10.480 you close it in a couple of weeks, he can reach out to you. So, that's me. 604 00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:17.200 I used to think it was important to do this big formal goodbye. Look, I haven't heard 605 00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:22.800 from you. So, I'm thinking you're not interested. Goodbye. But then you have to keep the conversation 606 00:29:22.800 --> 00:29:26.880 open long enough to make sure that they've actually read that sentence. And then it can 607 00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:31.600 just be awkward. So, I thought, you know what? The only people that I give an explanation 608 00:29:31.600 --> 00:29:35.840 to are the people that I actually go out on a date with, whether it's on a video date 609 00:29:35.840 --> 00:29:40.560 or a phone date. I mean, in-person date. I would then say, hey, it was really nice 610 00:29:40.560 --> 00:29:46.160 getting to know you. I really enjoyed our time. At this point, I don't want to pursue 611 00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:51.440 anything further. I wish you the very best. That's what I did. If I got a video date or 612 00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:59.600 an in-person date, I gave the courtesy of closing the loop. Or if they started to like 613 00:29:59.600 --> 00:30:00.000 unwind. 614 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.520 find the conversation, they went AWOL. 615 00:30:02.520 --> 00:30:03.960 I might say something like, 616 00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:05.920 hey, haven't heard from you in a bit. 617 00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:07.800 I did enjoy our time together. 618 00:30:07.800 --> 00:30:09.520 I would have liked to have gotten to know you better, 619 00:30:09.520 --> 00:30:12.320 but we probably just aren't on the same page. 620 00:30:12.320 --> 00:30:13.280 So I just want to let you know, 621 00:30:13.280 --> 00:30:15.040 I wish you all the very best. 622 00:30:15.040 --> 00:30:16.520 And I close that loop. 623 00:30:16.520 --> 00:30:18.860 So like you just say it politely, kindly, 624 00:30:18.860 --> 00:30:21.180 I wish you the very best, boom. 625 00:30:21.180 --> 00:30:24.420 I'm glad, I'm just glad this, 626 00:30:24.420 --> 00:30:25.680 I was really upset yesterday 627 00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:27.560 and I was upset this morning as well 628 00:30:27.560 --> 00:30:29.200 when I checked out the agency, 629 00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:32.760 but at the same time, I'm happy this happened 630 00:30:32.760 --> 00:30:37.760 because it made me realize how I felt. 631 00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:41.320 Right, like all that was happening, 632 00:30:41.320 --> 00:30:44.640 bubbling at the surface, I was aware, 633 00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.640 which was different. 634 00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:47.960 And you played it perfectly. 635 00:30:47.960 --> 00:30:48.840 You did everything. 636 00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:50.280 And here's the thing, you guys, 637 00:30:50.280 --> 00:30:53.360 all of us don't like getting rejected. 638 00:30:53.360 --> 00:30:55.280 There, I don't, I mean, there's, 639 00:30:55.280 --> 00:30:57.360 unless you're like a complete narcissist, 640 00:30:57.360 --> 00:30:59.520 or whatever, and you just don't care about people, 641 00:30:59.520 --> 00:31:02.120 like most of us don't like getting a no. 642 00:31:02.120 --> 00:31:03.800 We don't like getting a no for a job. 643 00:31:03.800 --> 00:31:06.040 We don't like getting a no in anything. 644 00:31:06.040 --> 00:31:07.280 I don't like getting nos. 645 00:31:07.280 --> 00:31:10.920 And so that initial sting you feel, 646 00:31:10.920 --> 00:31:12.800 that is okay and that's normal. 647 00:31:12.800 --> 00:31:15.360 That doesn't mean some guy or girl broke your heart. 648 00:31:15.360 --> 00:31:19.440 It just means, oh, like, it's just the sting. 649 00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:21.520 So take the sting, 650 00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:23.680 but not give too much value to the sting, 651 00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:26.560 especially if you didn't meet this person in real life. 652 00:31:26.600 --> 00:31:29.000 You guys, they don't know how wonderful you are. 653 00:31:29.000 --> 00:31:30.440 They don't know you yet. 654 00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:33.880 So they don't know what they just rejected. 655 00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.000 They don't know. 656 00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:38.960 So they're, so that's how you have to like, 657 00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:40.920 be able to go, it stings, 658 00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:42.200 but they did not break my heart 659 00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:44.720 because they didn't know my heart. 660 00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:45.720 They didn't break your heart 661 00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:47.240 because they didn't get to know your heart. 662 00:31:47.240 --> 00:31:48.240 And that's on them. 663 00:31:49.160 --> 00:31:50.000 Okay. 664 00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:50.920 You bet, you bet. 665 00:31:50.920 --> 00:31:52.240 I'm so proud of you, girl. 666 00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:53.080 Helen. 667 00:31:53.760 --> 00:31:54.600 Hi, everybody. 668 00:31:54.600 --> 00:31:55.760 Hi, Renee. 669 00:31:55.760 --> 00:31:57.280 Hi. 670 00:31:57.280 --> 00:31:58.120 You'll be proud of me. 671 00:31:58.120 --> 00:31:59.160 I'm on camera. 672 00:31:59.160 --> 00:32:00.480 I'm so proud of you. 673 00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:03.320 Finally. 674 00:32:04.320 --> 00:32:08.400 So I am in, I guess what you'd call level two. 675 00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:11.120 I've been meeting with this guy, Eric, 676 00:32:11.120 --> 00:32:15.000 for the last couple months, every week, 677 00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:17.200 since March, since March 14th. 678 00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:18.040 Okay. 679 00:32:18.040 --> 00:32:18.880 And, 680 00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:20.400 some of my friends have met him. 681 00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:21.680 He's been to my church, 682 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:23.400 pastor and his wife have talked to him, 683 00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:24.240 not for long, 684 00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:25.240 because it was a busy Sunday, 685 00:32:25.240 --> 00:32:27.680 but just kind of trying to involve, 686 00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:29.880 you know, obviously community in person 687 00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:31.320 and here and stuff like that. 688 00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:37.480 I have some, what I believe I would call unknowns. 689 00:32:38.560 --> 00:32:41.720 One of them being, he's 53, I'm 51. 690 00:32:43.080 --> 00:32:45.720 He sold his home and moved in with his family. 691 00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:50.080 He sold his home and moved in with his mom 692 00:32:50.080 --> 00:32:50.920 to take care of her. 693 00:32:50.920 --> 00:32:52.000 She's in her, 694 00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:54.680 she's having some health issues and things like that. 695 00:32:54.680 --> 00:32:57.680 So, which gave me some comfort. 696 00:32:57.680 --> 00:32:58.520 Cause I was like, okay, 697 00:32:58.520 --> 00:33:00.160 this is not a 53 year old guy living at home. 698 00:33:00.160 --> 00:33:01.080 You know what I mean? 699 00:33:01.080 --> 00:33:01.920 Yeah. 700 00:33:02.800 --> 00:33:04.920 And so that's one of the questions. 701 00:33:04.920 --> 00:33:05.760 So me and him, 702 00:33:05.760 --> 00:33:07.680 I'm meeting with the pastor of my church on Sunday, 703 00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:09.720 this Sunday at their home. 704 00:33:09.720 --> 00:33:12.320 And I don't know whether it's, 705 00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:13.360 it's two months in, right? 706 00:33:13.360 --> 00:33:16.640 So I don't know whether to raise that concern 707 00:33:16.640 --> 00:33:20.400 about what does that look like as far as, 708 00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:22.000 you know, when you leave and have, 709 00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:24.720 you know, like your own family, 710 00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:26.400 you know, and stuff like that. 711 00:33:26.400 --> 00:33:29.840 It's really too early to have that conversation. 712 00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:34.120 It is not uncommon. 713 00:33:34.120 --> 00:33:37.480 I have heard this a lot from people in their fifties 714 00:33:37.480 --> 00:33:38.520 and sixties, 715 00:33:38.520 --> 00:33:41.560 moving back in with a parent to take care of the parent. 716 00:33:41.600 --> 00:33:43.840 One of our most beloved couples that got married 717 00:33:43.840 --> 00:33:46.240 in this community a couple of years ago, 718 00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:48.040 his mother was living with him 719 00:33:48.040 --> 00:33:50.680 and they actually kept both homes. 720 00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:53.000 Like they're about two states away. 721 00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:56.280 So they spend some of their time in his home with mom 722 00:33:56.280 --> 00:33:59.200 and some of the time in her home with her. 723 00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:01.680 And so you just don't know what it's going to look like 724 00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:04.440 and how creative you guys can be about it. 725 00:34:04.440 --> 00:34:07.400 So I'm just curious two months in, 726 00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:09.960 are you thinking about becoming exclusive? 727 00:34:09.960 --> 00:34:11.679 That's the question I have. 728 00:34:13.520 --> 00:34:17.320 So this Sunday, he said, he asked me to be his girlfriend. 729 00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:18.560 Okay. 730 00:34:18.560 --> 00:34:19.880 And did you say yes? 731 00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:21.120 I did. 732 00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:21.960 I did. 733 00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:23.520 You're level three. 734 00:34:23.520 --> 00:34:24.360 Is it level three? 735 00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:25.199 I don't know. 736 00:34:26.040 --> 00:34:27.080 Red one's like three. 737 00:34:30.280 --> 00:34:34.840 And he gave me a necklace with my birthstone on it, 738 00:34:34.840 --> 00:34:36.440 which nobody's ever done before. 739 00:34:36.600 --> 00:34:37.440 Damn. 740 00:34:38.600 --> 00:34:39.840 So this is- 741 00:34:39.840 --> 00:34:44.199 Everybody, see how Helm was like soft selling this to us? 742 00:34:44.199 --> 00:34:45.800 Cause I'm sitting here going, 743 00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:48.679 why is he meeting with the pastor 744 00:34:48.679 --> 00:34:50.560 if they're not exclusive yet? 745 00:34:50.560 --> 00:34:53.560 But you'd ask you to be his girlfriend 746 00:34:53.560 --> 00:34:57.560 and he got you some jewelry and meeting the pastor. 747 00:34:57.560 --> 00:35:00.120 So this guy is interesting. 748 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.300 Yeah. And he thought we were exclusive a few weeks ago. He was talking to me, he was telling 749 00:35:05.300 --> 00:35:10.800 me about, he was talking to his coworkers and he was like, yeah, my girl, whatever. 750 00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:15.640 And I was like, your girl, when, when did that happen? I don't, I don't, I don't have 751 00:35:15.640 --> 00:35:16.640 that conversation. 752 00:35:16.640 --> 00:35:21.980 I mean, it, I will say, especially when they're older, like, you know, Brian didn't get a 753 00:35:21.980 --> 00:35:27.640 whole teaching on levels. I promise you. Like once he met me, he's like, Hey, I'm in here. 754 00:35:27.640 --> 00:35:31.980 Like a lot of guys, especially if they're older, like this whole dating more than one 755 00:35:31.980 --> 00:35:37.160 person at the same time that just doesn't track with them. And so, you know, in his 756 00:35:37.160 --> 00:35:41.320 head, we were probably exclusive way faster than I thought we were exclusive and that's 757 00:35:41.320 --> 00:35:47.100 okay. I mean, that's okay. Yeah. Um, you know, we can't make people see other people 758 00:35:47.100 --> 00:35:52.420 like that's crazy. And, and I will say like, once you've been dating a long enough time, 759 00:35:52.420 --> 00:35:55.820 you will find that you may not want to sit. And this is for anybody who's been dating 760 00:35:55.820 --> 00:36:00.560 a while after the second or third date, you're like, I just want to focus on this person, 761 00:36:00.560 --> 00:36:05.700 whether it's exclusively named or not. You're like, you don't need to be going out on seven 762 00:36:05.700 --> 00:36:10.140 other dates just for the sake of going out on seven. Cause we've told you in level two, 763 00:36:10.140 --> 00:36:13.940 you're supposed to date other people. If you've had like a bunch of dates and you're like, 764 00:36:13.940 --> 00:36:17.340 I'm good. I just want to focus on this one person. That's all I have time for. And that's 765 00:36:17.340 --> 00:36:19.940 okay. As long as you keep your head about yourself. 766 00:36:19.940 --> 00:36:24.140 So he told me, he told me he shut down his Facebook dating thing the day he met me. I'm 767 00:36:24.140 --> 00:36:30.140 like, Whoa, Whoa. Um, he, uh, and there's another thing that shocked me. He said in 768 00:36:30.140 --> 00:36:33.980 all, he's, he's dated, you know, a lot more people than me, girls than me. But he said 769 00:36:33.980 --> 00:36:38.980 that, um, he's never had to, he's never asked a woman to be his girlfriend. It just kinda, 770 00:36:38.980 --> 00:36:45.380 I guess happened. So has he been married before? No, never married. No kids. Wow. Okay. So 771 00:36:45.380 --> 00:36:50.380 tell me, tell us, tell the audience, what are like the top five things you love most 772 00:36:50.380 --> 00:36:57.260 about this guy that's reeling you in? Yeah. He's an amazing communicator. He's very clear 773 00:36:57.260 --> 00:37:02.420 with where he's at from day one. He's been, I'm attracted to you. I find you beautiful. 774 00:37:02.420 --> 00:37:06.540 I find you amazing. I, you've worked so hard, you know, I've shared some of the hardships 775 00:37:06.540 --> 00:37:14.860 that I've been through in my life and he appreciates that. Um, he's learning Swahili of all things. 776 00:37:14.860 --> 00:37:19.780 Um, so he's, he's not afraid of culture and things like that. We've been to, it's crazy. 777 00:37:19.780 --> 00:37:23.860 We have a lot of things in common. Like we've been to some of the same countries. Um, it's 778 00:37:23.860 --> 00:37:28.220 pretty wild. I feel like maybe we were in the same country at one point. He, he went 779 00:37:28.220 --> 00:37:31.940 to high school in Germany. He graduated, he went to a military high school or a school 780 00:37:31.940 --> 00:37:36.740 for military families in Germany. And, and, um, I've been there and I've been to Jordan. 781 00:37:36.740 --> 00:37:41.020 Some of the other countries he's been to. So it's pretty wild. Um, so a lot of things 782 00:37:41.020 --> 00:37:50.260 in common. He, he, uh, very, um, but he's mature. Um, he, he, his job is dealing, his 783 00:37:50.260 --> 00:37:56.500 job is working for disabled, not disabled, challenged adults, basically dolls that are 784 00:37:56.500 --> 00:38:05.460 aggressive, uh, nonverbal, like it's a rough job and for the County. So he's compassion. 785 00:38:05.460 --> 00:38:08.900 That's another thing I prayed and prayed and prayed for is God. I need a man with compassion. 786 00:38:08.900 --> 00:38:12.740 I, I'm not saying I've heard of her to life than anybody else. I'm sure people have heard 787 00:38:12.740 --> 00:38:18.460 of than me, but I've heard her some hard stuff. So I need, I need that. Um, segue to that. 788 00:38:18.460 --> 00:38:21.820 He doesn't make a whole lot and I don't know what to do with that. You can, you can, you 789 00:38:21.820 --> 00:38:25.300 can share what you think. Okay. So here's, I gave this advice to somebody 790 00:38:25.300 --> 00:38:32.540 else about money. Um, you want to make sure, especially the older we are. Like I know Jackie's 791 00:38:32.540 --> 00:38:39.380 talked about the fact that her and, um, David were in very tenuous financial situation when 792 00:38:39.380 --> 00:38:44.800 they met, but they were also young thirties. So they had a lot of time to make up for that. 793 00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:50.500 So once you're over 50 men and women, most of us want somebody who's financially stable. 794 00:38:50.500 --> 00:38:55.500 So I don't care if they're making 30,000 a year or 300,000 a year, can they live within 795 00:38:55.500 --> 00:39:03.420 their means? Can they learn how to manage their budget? Um, can they live on their budget 796 00:39:03.420 --> 00:39:08.820 without using a credit card? That's the kind of responsibility we want, especially over 797 00:39:08.820 --> 00:39:15.820 50 is can they live within their means? Because you can be rich, poor too. I know plenty of 798 00:39:15.820 --> 00:39:21.180 people I worked, I was on staff at a church and I promise you these people lived in McMansions 799 00:39:21.780 --> 00:39:27.580 and I can't tell you how many of them were, um, mortgage poor and just so in debt because 800 00:39:27.580 --> 00:39:31.980 they were trying to live a lifestyle. You just wouldn't know it. So that's my thing 801 00:39:31.980 --> 00:39:39.860 is if you are financially stable and he is financially stable, can you be financially 802 00:39:39.860 --> 00:39:45.860 stable together? So that's what you're going to be looking for is his ability to be stable. 803 00:39:46.580 --> 00:39:51.460 Okay. Okay. And we do have, I, I feel like we have a lot of the same financial values 804 00:39:51.460 --> 00:39:59.460 like it's not about all new cars, you know, stuff and good. Good. Okay. So what, what 805 00:39:59.460 --> 00:39:59.980 do you think I should 806 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.880 ask on Sunday, like what questions should I ask on Sunday then, like for you, just a 807 00:40:03.880 --> 00:40:06.120 few examples of what I should ask. 808 00:40:06.120 --> 00:40:08.440 You want to ask him? 809 00:40:08.440 --> 00:40:11.160 In the past, I mean, the pastor's wife is going to be there, so like what should be 810 00:40:11.160 --> 00:40:14.160 discussed ideally? 811 00:40:14.160 --> 00:40:17.000 So you guys are going to ask the pastor's questions? 812 00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:20.720 No, I told the pastor, I was like, Hey, you're my dad. 813 00:40:20.720 --> 00:40:21.720 I don't have a dad. 814 00:40:21.720 --> 00:40:22.720 So you're my dad. 815 00:40:22.720 --> 00:40:26.360 Oh, I promise you that pastor will have questions ready. 816 00:40:26.360 --> 00:40:27.640 He will have questions ready. 817 00:40:27.960 --> 00:40:31.720 But some things that are good questions to have in front of those people, like when 818 00:40:31.720 --> 00:40:36.680 I think about the couples, I put a lot of married couples in front of Brian and some 819 00:40:36.680 --> 00:40:42.760 of the questions that they asked him had to do with, you know, what are your intentions? 820 00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:44.160 Where do you want to go with this? 821 00:40:44.160 --> 00:40:48.680 Like what kind of future can you provide Renee? 822 00:40:48.680 --> 00:40:52.480 And so, you know, what have you learned about your past? 823 00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:53.880 What are you going to do differently? 824 00:40:53.880 --> 00:40:56.160 Because Brian was divorced, you know, what are you going to do differently? 825 00:40:56.200 --> 00:40:59.040 Like what makes Renee different this time? 826 00:40:59.040 --> 00:41:04.760 So those are the kinds of questions that you're starting to look for is what kind of future 827 00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:06.200 do they envision? 828 00:41:06.200 --> 00:41:11.480 And if you're both believers, it's like, how do you think, how do you, what kind of things 829 00:41:11.480 --> 00:41:13.720 do you want to do together for the ministry? 830 00:41:13.720 --> 00:41:17.520 Like how do you feel like, what do you think about a covenant marriage and how do you think 831 00:41:17.520 --> 00:41:18.520 that's going to play? 832 00:41:18.520 --> 00:41:22.640 How would you like a covenant marriage to play out in your life? 833 00:41:22.640 --> 00:41:26.640 Because he's never been married, you know, what do you think you're the most concerned 834 00:41:26.640 --> 00:41:28.580 about in getting married? 835 00:41:28.580 --> 00:41:32.000 You know, like obviously you're going to be living with somebody, like what would be some 836 00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:35.960 of the things that you would be the most concerned about or the hardest things for you to let 837 00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:36.960 go of? 838 00:41:36.960 --> 00:41:39.680 Those are kind of some good questions. 839 00:41:39.680 --> 00:41:40.680 Okay. 840 00:41:40.680 --> 00:41:41.680 Yeah. 841 00:41:41.680 --> 00:41:46.280 I saw Nora asked a really good question in the feed, so I'm going to call on you next, 842 00:41:46.280 --> 00:41:47.280 Rosanna. 843 00:41:47.280 --> 00:41:50.760 But she said, pretentious awkward question, what if I'm used to a higher means than the 844 00:41:50.760 --> 00:41:52.920 guy? 845 00:41:52.920 --> 00:41:55.720 I think that's a fair and hard question to have. 846 00:41:55.720 --> 00:42:00.560 Like, so if like, say you make a hundred grand and you're used to the lifestyle that goes 847 00:42:00.560 --> 00:42:06.200 with that and they make 50 and they have a lifestyle that goes with that, I think you 848 00:42:06.200 --> 00:42:11.200 need to have an honest conversation as you're in that exclusive relationship, like, Hey, 849 00:42:11.200 --> 00:42:16.260 I make a really good salary and because of that, I'm able to do some things, you know, 850 00:42:16.260 --> 00:42:19.000 you and I might not be in the same financial position. 851 00:42:19.560 --> 00:42:22.240 Would you be okay if I make more money than you? 852 00:42:22.240 --> 00:42:27.440 Would you be okay if I liked to kind of splurge on things that you may not want to splurge 853 00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:30.000 on simply because I have it in my budget? 854 00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:33.400 And again, back to what I was saying before, they might say, well, heck, as long as we're 855 00:42:33.400 --> 00:42:37.040 saving a certain amount of money a month, that we're tithing a certain amount of money 856 00:42:37.040 --> 00:42:39.240 a month, I don't care. 857 00:42:39.240 --> 00:42:43.920 I mean, so that's what you're looking for is somebody that can be okay with that. 858 00:42:43.920 --> 00:42:50.160 My sister makes a lot more money than my brother-in-law and I think he handles it fine. 859 00:42:50.160 --> 00:42:55.480 I mean, but he's really big about not going into debt and not ever using it. 860 00:42:55.480 --> 00:42:59.840 They use the credit card for points, but they always pay it off every month. 861 00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:01.840 So that's what kind of thing you're looking for. 862 00:43:01.840 --> 00:43:04.520 Rosanna, is it Rosanna? 863 00:43:04.520 --> 00:43:05.520 No. 864 00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:06.520 Thank you. 865 00:43:06.520 --> 00:43:07.520 You bet. 866 00:43:07.520 --> 00:43:08.520 It's my eyes tonight. 867 00:43:08.520 --> 00:43:11.160 I only have one contact lens in too. 868 00:43:11.160 --> 00:43:12.160 You're up lady. 869 00:43:12.160 --> 00:43:13.160 Hi. 870 00:43:13.400 --> 00:43:15.400 So this is my first phase three meeting. 871 00:43:15.400 --> 00:43:16.400 Yay. 872 00:43:16.400 --> 00:43:18.400 So is this your first time meeting me? 873 00:43:18.400 --> 00:43:22.320 Although you watched the online dating and boundaries video I did, hopefully, so. 874 00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:23.320 I did. 875 00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:24.320 Yeah. 876 00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:26.720 So I haven't met you, met you, but I loved your videos. 877 00:43:26.720 --> 00:43:29.200 I loved that. 878 00:43:29.200 --> 00:43:31.040 So I'm excited about this. 879 00:43:31.040 --> 00:43:35.840 I've been in on several dates, like when I was in phase two, at least on three dates 880 00:43:35.840 --> 00:43:38.200 with three different guys and conversations. 881 00:43:38.200 --> 00:43:42.280 And then one was a longer, we chatted for about two months and stuff, but there was 882 00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:47.000 a lot of, he had a lot of health issues and other things that he was dealing with. 883 00:43:47.000 --> 00:43:50.680 And we just decided to be friends. 884 00:43:50.680 --> 00:43:55.760 And so now I'm, I took a little bit off of Facebook dating and Bumble, and then I'm back 885 00:43:55.760 --> 00:44:01.800 on again and I'm definitely having more success on Facebook dating, although actually, no, 886 00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:02.800 that's not true. 887 00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:03.800 I met two guys on, on Bumble. 888 00:44:03.800 --> 00:44:09.520 Anyway, all that to say, so this new guy that I'm chatting with, we just started talking 889 00:44:09.520 --> 00:44:16.280 a couple of days ago and he's, I think about, I want to say he's maybe 70 to 90 minutes 890 00:44:16.280 --> 00:44:17.840 away from me. 891 00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:22.400 And I wasn't open to anything necessarily like long distance, but he has a sister that 892 00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:24.840 lives like maybe 25 minutes from me. 893 00:44:24.840 --> 00:44:26.840 70 to 90 minutes is not long distance. 894 00:44:26.840 --> 00:44:27.840 That is not, okay, sorry. 895 00:44:27.840 --> 00:44:28.840 Miles. 896 00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:29.840 Miles. 897 00:44:29.840 --> 00:44:30.840 That's the same thing. 898 00:44:30.840 --> 00:44:31.840 Sorry. 899 00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:32.840 I think in my brain. 900 00:44:32.840 --> 00:44:39.480 I mean, it's not down the street, but it's not, it's not down the street for sure. 901 00:44:39.480 --> 00:44:43.160 And you have to be more intentional, but it's not like a three hour. 902 00:44:43.160 --> 00:44:44.440 No, not three hours. 903 00:44:44.440 --> 00:44:45.440 I don't think I could do that. 904 00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:46.440 So I think that's why I made it. 905 00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:49.400 I was like, maybe it's not necessarily long distance. 906 00:44:49.400 --> 00:44:50.400 Right. 907 00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:51.400 I don't know. 908 00:44:51.400 --> 00:44:53.280 But like, we're definitely hitting it off very well. 909 00:44:53.280 --> 00:44:57.080 And there were times where I was just like, Hey, I want to know things like small things 910 00:44:57.080 --> 00:45:00.040 about you that, um, because I could tell, like two of the. 911 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.920 guys that I've had, they overshare and I'm like, what 912 00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:04.600 are the small things that you're delightful, delighted in? And 913 00:45:04.600 --> 00:45:06.520 what do you like? And he's like, Oh, I really like that you're 914 00:45:06.520 --> 00:45:09.840 doing that. And I was saying, I suppose the way I'm, I've 915 00:45:09.840 --> 00:45:12.160 learned so much through this program that I'm really happy 916 00:45:12.160 --> 00:45:15.320 that I can, because I can be an overshare. And I want to share a 917 00:45:15.320 --> 00:45:18.280 lot more, but I'm like, Nope, we're gonna wait. And I think he 918 00:45:18.280 --> 00:45:23.000 actually really liked that. So all that to say is, so I did 919 00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:26.440 drop a little bit of a hanky today of, he had said something 920 00:45:26.440 --> 00:45:32.160 about paying bills or whatever. And he was like, joking about 921 00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:34.400 something, but then I was just like, Oh, as long as you're 922 00:45:34.400 --> 00:45:40.040 like, was it saving money to come where, you know, when you 923 00:45:40.040 --> 00:45:42.360 visit your sister, obviously making time to see me and he's 924 00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:45.840 like, I can definitely do that. And so I'm just like, do I say 925 00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:50.560 you guys that's flirting right there. That was flirting. She 926 00:45:50.560 --> 00:45:50.840 just 927 00:45:52.400 --> 00:45:55.960 I want to like, thank you. Yes. Great. And I know he and I are 928 00:45:55.960 --> 00:45:58.400 gonna flirt. We already kind of flirt very well on the phone. I 929 00:45:58.400 --> 00:46:01.480 can't wait to see him in person. However, I don't know how to, 930 00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:05.200 like, we just started chatting a couple days ago. But and he 931 00:46:05.200 --> 00:46:08.240 knows that I have, I'm a mother of five. And he was thrilled 932 00:46:08.240 --> 00:46:12.160 about it. He's like, you are so blessed. That's wonderful. And I 933 00:46:12.160 --> 00:46:15.440 do have on my profile that I'm open to having Kenny. And so he 934 00:46:15.440 --> 00:46:18.120 asked me about that. He's like, Are you and I'm like, Yeah, I 935 00:46:18.120 --> 00:46:21.200 am. And he's just like, Oh, that's, that's awesome. And so I 936 00:46:21.200 --> 00:46:24.240 was really glad because that is a big hang up of mine. Telling 937 00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:28.720 men that I have, yeah, five children. And so I don't know, 938 00:46:28.760 --> 00:46:32.240 maybe I'm reading into it. Like, I really would really like to 939 00:46:32.240 --> 00:46:36.240 see him soon. But I don't, I don't know if I should say, I'm 940 00:46:36.240 --> 00:46:38.600 like, we're hitting it off really well. But I don't, I 941 00:46:38.600 --> 00:46:40.280 think I'm assuming right now, like his schedule. 942 00:46:40.880 --> 00:46:44.840 I think I think you, you bring up a really good thing for us to 943 00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:48.600 kind of clarify, when we have really good chemistry with 944 00:46:48.600 --> 00:46:52.000 somebody, you guys, we need to meet in person as soon as 945 00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:58.000 possible. Because chemistry digitally can really, because 946 00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:02.680 all you have is a conversation, it's gonna be too easy for you 947 00:47:02.680 --> 00:47:07.240 guys to just start to go down, down the romance, like drain, 948 00:47:07.680 --> 00:47:10.920 and start to overshare. So you want to make sure that that in 949 00:47:10.920 --> 00:47:14.920 person chemistry is as strong as what you're feeling digitally. 950 00:47:15.520 --> 00:47:21.680 And so the ways to pace yourself is, you know, don't text all day 951 00:47:21.680 --> 00:47:24.800 every single day, if you're going to talk at night, you 952 00:47:24.800 --> 00:47:28.280 know, try to like limit it at 30 minutes, an hour, hour and a 953 00:47:28.280 --> 00:47:30.840 half, I blew past all of those gloves, I'm not going to lie to 954 00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:34.080 you, I talked many, many hours on the phone with my husband. 955 00:47:34.560 --> 00:47:37.480 And so he'd be like, Renee, we broke all your rules. We did. 956 00:47:37.880 --> 00:47:41.960 But we got married. Here's, but here's what I did, though, we 957 00:47:41.960 --> 00:47:45.680 did have long conversations, but we didn't overshare, we really 958 00:47:45.680 --> 00:47:49.440 kept them in the day to day. And so I know there's some things 959 00:47:49.440 --> 00:47:53.720 you made the comment that you that you also said something 960 00:47:53.720 --> 00:47:56.800 like, I know there's some things we can't talk about yet. You 961 00:47:56.800 --> 00:48:00.040 guys like you don't want to always go like, Oh my gosh, I 962 00:48:00.040 --> 00:48:02.880 can't talk about that yet. Here's what you could say. 963 00:48:03.200 --> 00:48:05.800 Something as simple as you know, I had a really complicated 964 00:48:05.800 --> 00:48:09.080 relationship with my father. And I'm sure it impacted the way I 965 00:48:09.080 --> 00:48:12.240 dated for a very long time. Until I did some work on it. 966 00:48:12.320 --> 00:48:16.240 There's plenty of time for me to tell you more. Like that's a way 967 00:48:16.240 --> 00:48:19.960 of like putting a comment out there. It doesn't sound broken. 968 00:48:19.960 --> 00:48:23.600 I don't sound like a victim. I don't sound trauma, or you know 969 00:48:23.600 --> 00:48:27.560 I'm saying like, so there's ways when you're talking about things 970 00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:31.680 for you to drop little hints to stuff like you know what, you 971 00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:34.680 know, I'm not super close with my siblings. You know, it just 972 00:48:34.680 --> 00:48:37.280 was really tough growing up. But you know, I really learned it. 973 00:48:37.640 --> 00:48:39.760 Whatever. I'm not saying that that's true for me. But I'm 974 00:48:39.760 --> 00:48:43.880 saying whatever it is, it's okay to like, sometimes I think we 975 00:48:43.880 --> 00:48:46.560 make it weird when we're like, Oh my gosh, I can't talk about 976 00:48:46.560 --> 00:48:49.880 that yet. So like, I think it's okay that you said, you know, I 977 00:48:49.880 --> 00:48:52.880 have five kids. Yeah, I'd be willing to have more kids. Now, 978 00:48:52.920 --> 00:48:55.720 is that a conversation you would typically have in the first week 979 00:48:55.720 --> 00:49:00.800 with somebody? No. But if it naturally comes up, and having 980 00:49:00.840 --> 00:49:04.120 biological children is something that's important to him. He 981 00:49:04.120 --> 00:49:05.920 might want to know that because he might be 982 00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:09.440 he had it in his bio, like, yeah. So when he said he's like, 983 00:49:09.600 --> 00:49:11.560 Mother, he's like, I'm at the point where I would love another 984 00:49:11.560 --> 00:49:14.520 child. But I don't know if it's gonna happen. So women with 985 00:49:14.520 --> 00:49:17.960 children, blended families, I am absolutely welcome, welcoming to 986 00:49:17.960 --> 00:49:21.040 that. And I was just like, Oh, so immediately, I was interested 987 00:49:21.040 --> 00:49:24.920 because it brought down my that fear that I have a rejection of 988 00:49:25.120 --> 00:49:27.800 a man with a man wanting a woman with children. 989 00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:32.400 So you've got more coaching than him. Here's how you can say you 990 00:49:32.400 --> 00:49:35.280 guys, I actually did. I was lame. But I also was running a 991 00:49:35.280 --> 00:49:37.920 nonprofit when I started working. I mean, started the 992 00:49:37.920 --> 00:49:41.360 program here. So I just, I didn't say the word dating 993 00:49:41.360 --> 00:49:43.520 coach, some people like, Oh, this is my dating coach. I did 994 00:49:43.520 --> 00:49:46.600 not say that. I just said, I'm a part of a singles discipleship 995 00:49:46.600 --> 00:49:49.440 community. That's what I actually said. I'm in a singles 996 00:49:49.440 --> 00:49:52.280 discipleship community. And I really want to learn how to date 997 00:49:52.280 --> 00:49:55.440 healthy and being in healthy relationships. I might have said 998 00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:59.040 phrases like that. So then I would be able to say to folks, 999 00:49:59.200 --> 00:49:59.960 here's what I've 1000 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.480 learned in my singles community, as we talk about dating healthy today, especially with 1001 00:50:05.480 --> 00:50:12.180 the internet and apps, it really does work better if we could do video dates as quickly 1002 00:50:12.180 --> 00:50:17.200 as possible, in-person dates as quickly as possible, and limit how much texting that 1003 00:50:17.200 --> 00:50:22.900 we're doing, just so that we don't lose conversation or kind of start to overshare, which can happen 1004 00:50:22.900 --> 00:50:23.900 in texting. 1005 00:50:23.900 --> 00:50:28.760 So it's okay for you to quote-unquote teach kind of what the pace could be. 1006 00:50:28.760 --> 00:50:30.720 Here's what we've learned is healthy. 1007 00:50:30.720 --> 00:50:32.640 Here's what we've learned is most successful. 1008 00:50:32.640 --> 00:50:40.440 Like, hey, I'm really vibing with you, and what I've learned in my community is it's 1009 00:50:40.440 --> 00:50:44.400 really better for us to meet sooner than later, just so we can make sure that this translates 1010 00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:45.400 in person. 1011 00:50:45.400 --> 00:50:46.400 Yeah. 1012 00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:49.000 We've done it from a couple of phone calls, and I like his voice. 1013 00:50:49.000 --> 00:50:50.000 He likes mine. 1014 00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:52.320 Have you done video calls yet? 1015 00:50:52.320 --> 00:50:56.160 I left him a video message, and he was like, I was not expecting that. 1016 00:50:56.160 --> 00:50:57.480 It was not on my bingo card. 1017 00:50:57.680 --> 00:50:58.680 Okay. 1018 00:50:58.680 --> 00:51:01.240 You need to get a video date with him. 1019 00:51:01.240 --> 00:51:02.240 Okay. 1020 00:51:02.240 --> 00:51:03.240 Yeah. 1021 00:51:03.240 --> 00:51:04.240 Okay. 1022 00:51:04.240 --> 00:51:06.280 And just, and how you can say it is, hey, you know what? 1023 00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:07.280 What's his name? 1024 00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:08.280 Oh, Chris. 1025 00:51:08.280 --> 00:51:09.280 Okay. 1026 00:51:09.280 --> 00:51:12.000 I know some of you guys only put initials in the Facebook feed. 1027 00:51:12.000 --> 00:51:14.120 I don't know what that is all about, but whatever. 1028 00:51:14.120 --> 00:51:15.800 It seems so weird to me. 1029 00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:16.800 Okay. 1030 00:51:16.800 --> 00:51:19.320 So Chris, hey, Chris, you know what? 1031 00:51:19.320 --> 00:51:21.440 We've had such fun conversations. 1032 00:51:21.440 --> 00:51:25.500 I would love to move it over to FaceTime or video chat. 1033 00:51:25.500 --> 00:51:29.900 I'm just a visual person, and I find that it's so much easier for me to get to know 1034 00:51:29.900 --> 00:51:32.900 people when I can see them and see their body language. 1035 00:51:32.900 --> 00:51:33.900 Okay. 1036 00:51:33.900 --> 00:51:39.420 And so that's a good way, because then you'll start to pick up on mannerisms, and again, 1037 00:51:39.420 --> 00:51:43.980 if you're having good phone chemistry, you just want to make sure it's not fantasy phone 1038 00:51:43.980 --> 00:51:44.980 chemistry. 1039 00:51:44.980 --> 00:51:45.980 Do you know what I'm saying? 1040 00:51:45.980 --> 00:51:46.980 Oh, yeah. 1041 00:51:46.980 --> 00:51:47.980 And it's been good. 1042 00:51:47.980 --> 00:51:51.180 I've learned, because of this, I think we've been able to pace it in a sense of, so that's 1043 00:51:51.180 --> 00:51:54.500 why I'm saying I really honestly would think it'd be great if we could, I'd rather meet 1044 00:51:54.500 --> 00:51:55.980 him in person than have a phone. 1045 00:51:55.980 --> 00:51:56.980 Yeah. 1046 00:51:56.980 --> 00:52:01.220 But just because it's an hour and a half, you might be able to pop on a video call tomorrow, 1047 00:52:01.220 --> 00:52:03.620 but you might not be able to see him in person until this weekend. 1048 00:52:03.620 --> 00:52:04.620 Do you know what I mean? 1049 00:52:04.620 --> 00:52:05.620 Yes. 1050 00:52:05.620 --> 00:52:06.620 I know what you're saying. 1051 00:52:06.620 --> 00:52:07.620 Okay. 1052 00:52:07.620 --> 00:52:08.620 Yeah. 1053 00:52:08.620 --> 00:52:09.620 Okay. 1054 00:52:09.620 --> 00:52:10.620 All right. 1055 00:52:10.620 --> 00:52:11.620 Thank you. 1056 00:52:11.620 --> 00:52:12.620 Well, I'm excited for you. 1057 00:52:12.620 --> 00:52:13.620 I'm excited for you. 1058 00:52:13.620 --> 00:52:14.620 Keep us posted. 1059 00:52:14.620 --> 00:52:15.620 Will do. 1060 00:52:15.620 --> 00:52:16.620 Keep us posted. 1061 00:52:16.620 --> 00:52:17.620 Okay. 1062 00:52:17.620 --> 00:52:18.620 Any more questions? 1063 00:52:18.620 --> 00:52:20.700 I also have the Hubsters right over there. 1064 00:52:20.700 --> 00:52:26.500 So if you guys have any questions that you want to get a man's opinion on, Brian is also 1065 00:52:26.500 --> 00:52:27.500 a professor. 1066 00:52:27.500 --> 00:52:32.460 So he's a really good communicator and he's not laughing at me because I just embarrassed 1067 00:52:32.460 --> 00:52:33.460 him. 1068 00:52:33.460 --> 00:52:37.900 So if you want to ask a dude question, I'll be happy to grab him, especially since there's 1069 00:52:37.900 --> 00:52:38.900 guys on the call. 1070 00:52:38.900 --> 00:52:43.420 So dudes, if you want to ask another dude a question and you don't want Renee's answer, 1071 00:52:43.420 --> 00:52:44.420 let me know. 1072 00:52:44.420 --> 00:52:45.420 Lynn, what you got? 1073 00:52:45.420 --> 00:52:46.420 Hey, everybody. 1074 00:52:46.420 --> 00:52:47.420 Hi, Renee. 1075 00:52:47.420 --> 00:52:48.420 Hi. 1076 00:52:48.980 --> 00:52:50.380 So I've been seeing Terry. 1077 00:52:50.380 --> 00:52:53.340 We started seeing each other the first week in March. 1078 00:52:53.340 --> 00:52:59.980 So my experience is kind of like Helen's, so that's why I can relate with her. 1079 00:52:59.980 --> 00:53:04.620 He's older, very intentional from the first time we met. 1080 00:53:04.620 --> 00:53:08.260 He's like, I'm off Facebook dating, I'm all in. 1081 00:53:08.260 --> 00:53:12.420 But I was trying to really follow, like you had said earlier, you don't have to follow 1082 00:53:12.420 --> 00:53:14.980 everything to a T and I was doing that. 1083 00:53:14.980 --> 00:53:18.940 So I think it was frustrating him a little bit because he's like, come on, let's just 1084 00:53:18.940 --> 00:53:19.940 like. 1085 00:53:19.940 --> 00:53:24.820 So finally, I said, OK, we can be exclusive. 1086 00:53:24.820 --> 00:53:30.380 He's like, I've only been waiting for two months. 1087 00:53:30.380 --> 00:53:37.940 So you know, we're at that point, I let him come to church with me and he really loved 1088 00:53:37.940 --> 00:53:38.940 that. 1089 00:53:38.940 --> 00:53:40.740 So it's just been really fun. 1090 00:53:40.740 --> 00:53:43.700 He's a little concerned because I'm in Florida. 1091 00:53:44.260 --> 00:53:45.940 I bought the house in Florida. 1092 00:53:45.940 --> 00:53:48.380 Jackie said if it's not happening, move. 1093 00:53:48.380 --> 00:53:52.020 So I moved to Florida, but I am going to be going back to Boston for the summer. 1094 00:53:52.020 --> 00:53:53.460 Oh, my gosh. 1095 00:53:53.460 --> 00:53:56.980 You have a Boston accent. 1096 00:53:56.980 --> 00:53:57.980 I'm from Connecticut. 1097 00:53:57.980 --> 00:53:58.980 So I know that. 1098 00:53:58.980 --> 00:53:59.980 He's from Connecticut. 1099 00:53:59.980 --> 00:54:00.980 Terry's from Connecticut. 1100 00:54:00.980 --> 00:54:01.980 Oh, my gosh. 1101 00:54:01.980 --> 00:54:02.980 So wait. 1102 00:54:02.980 --> 00:54:05.140 So where does he live right now? 1103 00:54:05.140 --> 00:54:06.140 He's in Florida. 1104 00:54:06.140 --> 00:54:08.380 He's been here for probably 15 years. 1105 00:54:08.380 --> 00:54:09.700 Oh, OK. 1106 00:54:09.700 --> 00:54:12.100 So is he worried that you're moving back to Boston? 1107 00:54:12.500 --> 00:54:15.700 Well, he's concerned that I'm going to be gone for three months. 1108 00:54:15.700 --> 00:54:16.700 You know what I mean? 1109 00:54:16.700 --> 00:54:18.140 Why are you going to be gone? 1110 00:54:18.140 --> 00:54:20.060 Are you like a snowbird or something? 1111 00:54:20.060 --> 00:54:25.700 Yeah, I am a snowbird, but I'm more like nine months out of the year because I'm not going 1112 00:54:25.700 --> 00:54:27.660 back until it's warm. 1113 00:54:27.660 --> 00:54:30.660 And it's usually not warm until June. 1114 00:54:30.660 --> 00:54:34.140 OK, well, so you're about to go back to Boston? 1115 00:54:34.140 --> 00:54:39.980 I just booked my train ticket with my car for July 3rd. 1116 00:54:39.980 --> 00:54:41.580 I extended a little bit. 1117 00:54:41.580 --> 00:54:43.220 OK, so I'm just curious. 1118 00:54:43.220 --> 00:54:44.900 So do you own a place? 1119 00:54:44.900 --> 00:54:46.260 You own a place in Florida. 1120 00:54:46.260 --> 00:54:48.820 Do you rent it out or is it just free will? 1121 00:54:48.820 --> 00:54:54.620 No, I'll just I'll just close it up for three months and just go back to Boston. 1122 00:54:54.620 --> 00:54:58.300 So I own a I own a retail store in Boston. 1123 00:54:58.300 --> 00:54:59.300 My son lives there. 1124 00:54:59.300 --> 00:55:00.300 He's. 1125 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.640 Like running everything so I can be here 1126 00:55:00.300 --> 00:55:00.300 1127 00:55:02.640 --> 00:55:07.700 But I do need to give him a little bit of a reprieve because it's just it's it's a retail store 1128 00:55:07.700 --> 00:55:13.800 And he's by them by himself. Yeah, so would you be willing for him to come visit you in Boston? 1129 00:55:13.800 --> 00:55:19.280 And yes, so that's what we were doing tonight. He said, you know, I'm really stressing out about you leaving 1130 00:55:19.680 --> 00:55:25.400 So we he got on his phone and started he's like can we just kind of look at this and plan a trip? 1131 00:55:25.400 --> 00:55:30.720 So he did so I said, you know what? How about we try to see each other once a month? 1132 00:55:30.720 --> 00:55:35.560 So I'm wondering if you can give that's perfect creative ideas. That's perfect 1133 00:55:35.560 --> 00:55:40.360 I would definitely if I were him, I would want to see you at least once a month, too 1134 00:55:40.640 --> 00:55:43.240 Yeah, like he's totally all in 1135 00:55:44.080 --> 00:55:51.360 And I'm trying to pace and go slow. But is he is he well, I mean, here's the thing you guys 1136 00:55:52.240 --> 00:55:53.360 You know 1137 00:55:53.360 --> 00:55:57.040 Like we want you guys to pace yourself so you don't get ahead of yourself 1138 00:55:57.480 --> 00:56:00.640 But sometimes the Lord will accelerate a relationship 1139 00:56:01.200 --> 00:56:07.680 Especially when you're older like and we're older right? And so I'm not changing that much and so, you know Brian and I 1140 00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:10.840 Got married within eight months 1141 00:56:11.640 --> 00:56:16.840 Which y'all I made fun of people who did that. I swore that was not gonna be me 1142 00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:21.960 I used to and I remember Jen Red River. She used to say Renee, you know, you're gonna meet your man 1143 00:56:21.960 --> 00:56:25.040 It's gonna happen really fast. I'm like, oh my gosh. No, it's not so 1144 00:56:25.840 --> 00:56:33.680 don't be surprised if it gets accelerated to if you get yeses from all your family and friends and everyone is just like 1145 00:56:33.680 --> 00:56:40.920 Oh my gosh, you guys are perfect for each other. Don't feel like because we're asking you guys to be mindful that you 1146 00:56:41.880 --> 00:56:46.160 Thwart God's plan to do you know what I'm saying? Trust me trust your gut 1147 00:56:47.480 --> 00:56:52.160 So make sure he comes to see you. So are you trying to have creative dates for him? 1148 00:56:52.160 --> 00:56:54.720 They're not like I'm just trying to ease his 1149 00:56:55.240 --> 00:57:02.000 Mind about the summer and trying to come up with creative things just to you know, help him feel better 1150 00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:04.000 I mean like little things like 1151 00:57:04.160 --> 00:57:10.560 Here's what's gonna make him the most comfortable when you he comes to Boston is he needs to immerse into your life there 1152 00:57:10.560 --> 00:57:13.720 He needs to see the places that are important to you 1153 00:57:13.720 --> 00:57:20.440 So like one day you take a scavenger hunt and you literally go visit all the places that are meaningful to you 1154 00:57:20.480 --> 00:57:22.480 But he really needs to meet your people 1155 00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:27.560 Like he wants to see what you are like in front of your family and your friends and at your job 1156 00:57:27.680 --> 00:57:32.160 So you don't have to have an extravagant kind of dating pattern with him 1157 00:57:32.240 --> 00:57:35.880 He just needs to see what is Lynn like in Boston? 1158 00:57:36.120 --> 00:57:42.480 Is she vibe differently than she does in Florida like I know when I'm around my Italian family 1159 00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:47.880 I'm sure my like Italian Yankee accent comes out a little bit more. I'm sure I start talking faster 1160 00:57:48.520 --> 00:57:55.080 But I'm still me and he's just gonna make sure are you still you and is there room for him there? 1161 00:57:56.160 --> 00:58:02.440 That's what he's looking for. That's what's gonna ease his mind is that there's room for him there with you 1162 00:58:02.600 --> 00:58:08.480 Because if you guys got together and you still keep your retail place then you're gonna want to snowbird 1163 00:58:09.040 --> 00:58:14.200 Your version of it even married and he's hopefully gonna want to do some of that with you 1164 00:58:15.200 --> 00:58:18.720 So he he wants to make sure it feels like home for him, too 1165 00:58:19.640 --> 00:58:22.000 So my son came for Mother's Day 1166 00:58:22.760 --> 00:58:25.880 He closed the shop and came down for the weekend for Mother's Day 1167 00:58:25.880 --> 00:58:31.800 And we were planning on like having breakfast with the three of us and he said to me 1168 00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:35.720 You know what Lynn he goes I've met a lot of your friends and that's okay 1169 00:58:35.720 --> 00:58:39.640 But I think it might be a little too soon for family right now 1170 00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:45.160 And I found out why he said that tonight because he said I want when I meet your son 1171 00:58:45.160 --> 00:58:50.960 I want to be able to tell him how I feel about you and let him I want to put him at ease 1172 00:58:51.400 --> 00:58:56.600 that how much I care about you and you know all that stuff and I just feel like I 1173 00:58:57.160 --> 00:58:59.160 Want to do that when I meet him 1174 00:58:59.760 --> 00:59:01.760 so 1175 00:59:01.800 --> 00:59:06.040 Yeah, I mean I would argue that in your first in his first visit 1176 00:59:06.040 --> 00:59:11.720 I would let him know that in the first visit there meeting him is probably a priority 1177 00:59:12.800 --> 00:59:17.480 Okay, and I don't think he needs to have a grand speech. I actually don't 1178 00:59:18.360 --> 00:59:22.200 Here's the difference. There's the grand speech. I want to marry her and 1179 00:59:22.720 --> 00:59:27.080 There's the hey, let's just pretend is your son's name is Scott. Hey Scott 1180 00:59:27.080 --> 00:59:31.640 I just want you to know that I'm dating your your mom intentionally with purpose 1181 00:59:32.360 --> 00:59:34.360 Like I'm not just doing this for fun 1182 00:59:34.400 --> 00:59:39.200 But I really have enjoyed getting to know her and I'm really excited to see where this is gonna go 1183 00:59:39.200 --> 00:59:42.120 And I just want you to know I will guard her heart 1184 00:59:42.360 --> 00:59:48.400 That's all that's the kind of stuff that is fun or a daughter is gonna be looking for I guess it mean most 1185 00:59:49.280 --> 00:59:57.000 Siblings most children don't want to hear in the very first conversation after meeting somebody. Oh my gosh. I love your mother so much 1186 00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:59.920 I'm gonna marry her and I'm gonna put a ring on it like that's 1187 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.000 too much, right? Right? Like your, your son is going to want to hear that he likes you, 1188 01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:11.040 that he's enjoying you, that he's being intentional with you and he's going to guard your heart. 1189 01:00:11.040 --> 01:00:15.600 That's all he needs to hear on the first visit. And I think, I think your guy can do that. 1190 01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:20.320 Yeah. Yeah. He's, he's super amazing with communication and all. 1191 01:00:20.880 --> 01:00:23.120 Can I just ask you a quickie question? Yeah. 1192 01:00:24.000 --> 01:00:31.840 Um, this, I don't, I don't know how to word this, but politically that's my only concern. 1193 01:00:32.640 --> 01:00:40.160 Um, we haven't really gotten into politics at all, but I'm not sure that we're on the same 1194 01:00:40.160 --> 01:00:46.320 page. Is that something to be concerned about? It really depends on how important it is to you 1195 01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:55.440 guys. So I, you know, even like for me, I personally did not put somebody who was a die 1196 01:00:55.440 --> 01:01:01.520 hard in either convert in either direction. Well, I predominantly vote over this way because I'm 1197 01:01:01.520 --> 01:01:08.640 pretty conservative. I'm also not on the crazy train on either side. That's where I am. So my 1198 01:01:08.640 --> 01:01:16.160 preference is to be with somebody who is open in that conversation. That's kind of where Brian is. 1199 01:01:16.160 --> 01:01:22.640 So are you getting any perception that he is cemented in one camp or the other? 1200 01:01:22.640 --> 01:01:31.680 Well, I, I feel like, like you just said, there are extremes on both sides. I'm in the middle 1201 01:01:32.240 --> 01:01:39.120 and I feel like he is too. Um, but sometimes he has said a couple of things and I'm like, 1202 01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:44.400 you know, and I just, I think it's okay. Then I would just nip it in the bud because 1203 01:01:44.400 --> 01:01:49.120 normally I would not normally Jackie and I've talked about this. Normally we would not in 1204 01:01:49.120 --> 01:01:54.640 different times, we would have said politics is not a deal breaker, but the way the climate has 1205 01:01:54.640 --> 01:02:01.200 gotten today, it can be. So I think it's a fair conversation to say, Hey, I just wanted you to 1206 01:02:01.200 --> 01:02:08.400 know, like, I know politics can get really dicey and just as this is where I tend to lean. And 1207 01:02:08.400 --> 01:02:15.360 if you lean and vote differently than me, I'm okay with that. But is it okay with you? If you 1208 01:02:15.360 --> 01:02:21.120 and I aren't always voting for the same candidate and our policies can like this still be a safe 1209 01:02:21.120 --> 01:02:28.960 place for us? I think it's a fair and appropriate conversation to have. I think it's a fair 1210 01:02:28.960 --> 01:02:34.880 conversation. Again, I normally wouldn't think it's a big deal, but it has become a big deal. 1211 01:02:35.440 --> 01:02:41.200 And yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. 1212 01:02:41.200 --> 01:02:45.200 Yeah, I know. And I can't, we can't wait to hear all about it. And somebody in the chat gave you 1213 01:02:45.200 --> 01:02:49.680 some good ideas of how to date fun while you're away in Boston. 1214 01:02:49.680 --> 01:02:50.880 Awesome. Thank you. 1215 01:02:50.880 --> 01:02:55.200 Yeah. Like you can actually play board games and stuff on FaceTime. Like there's, 1216 01:02:55.200 --> 01:02:59.360 you don't just have to talk, but you can actually do fun dates. You can cook a meal together. 1217 01:02:59.920 --> 01:03:05.680 You can take each other on a walk together. So like you can even do a FaceTime date where 1218 01:03:05.680 --> 01:03:10.480 you're walking around the town so that by the time he comes to see you, he's already seen some 1219 01:03:10.480 --> 01:03:18.400 of the town. So be creative, be creative. There's some fun ways to date. You bet. Okay. Anybody else? 1220 01:03:19.360 --> 01:03:28.560 I mean, and here's the thing, you guys, some, let's not rag on people if they're 1221 01:03:28.560 --> 01:03:32.560 too political. Cause there are some people, we need people in politics, right? Like 1222 01:03:33.360 --> 01:03:39.440 we need healthy, responsible people running for public office, especially in our local communities. 1223 01:03:39.440 --> 01:03:45.440 So like, if we just lead it to all the crazy people, then we have crazy candidates. And so, 1224 01:03:45.680 --> 01:03:51.120 we just had a new county mayor and we just had two strong believers run against each other. And 1225 01:03:52.480 --> 01:03:58.640 it was like a 55, 45 vote. So it was pretty, it was not super close, but close that, 1226 01:03:59.440 --> 01:04:04.880 it kind of divided the line a little bit. And so it's okay to feel passionate for your community 1227 01:04:04.880 --> 01:04:11.840 and want to be involved in your local community. So there are actually people that start out in 1228 01:04:11.840 --> 01:04:18.080 politics because they actually care. What are some good clarity questions for the second month 1229 01:04:18.080 --> 01:04:25.840 of dating Elizabeth? Okay. So in the first month, you're just, in my opinion, in the first month, 1230 01:04:25.840 --> 01:04:33.120 you're just learning a lot of facts about them. I think it's okay in the second month in clarity 1231 01:04:33.120 --> 01:04:38.880 to find out what they think and believe about stuff, where their value system is. 1232 01:04:39.520 --> 01:04:45.600 You know, what do they think about marriage in general? And what does that dynamic look like? 1233 01:04:45.600 --> 01:04:51.040 What do they think about finances? What do they think about tithing? What are some of their 1234 01:04:51.760 --> 01:04:59.920 short and long-term goals that they might have in the next two years? You know, what do they... 1235 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.400 they think makes a healthy marriage? 1236 01:05:03.400 --> 01:05:06.040 What have they learned about their past relationships? 1237 01:05:06.040 --> 01:05:10.500 Because remember, a lot of times you guys find out way too early, like, oh my gosh, 1238 01:05:10.500 --> 01:05:11.540 my wife cheated on me. 1239 01:05:11.540 --> 01:05:14.140 My husband cheated on me or whatever. 1240 01:05:14.140 --> 01:05:15.140 And I get it. 1241 01:05:15.140 --> 01:05:20.880 Sometimes people just blurt that information out, but we don't need the details of their 1242 01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:25.420 marriage or divorce or even their breakups, but we do need to see what patterns they've 1243 01:05:25.420 --> 01:05:27.240 noticed about themselves. 1244 01:05:27.240 --> 01:05:33.200 Because the number one thing that you want in your spouse is that they're teachable. 1245 01:05:33.200 --> 01:05:37.580 You want them to be believers, but you want them to be teachable. 1246 01:05:37.580 --> 01:05:41.480 And the first sign of knowing that they're not teachable is when you ask them questions 1247 01:05:41.480 --> 01:05:44.560 like, so what have you learned most about your mistakes? 1248 01:05:44.560 --> 01:05:46.840 What have you learned most about your failures? 1249 01:05:46.840 --> 01:05:49.720 What have you learned most that you would never do again? 1250 01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:54.280 What did you learn most about growing up watching your parents or in your own divorce? 1251 01:05:54.300 --> 01:05:59.560 And if they can't tell you things that they learned that they need to do different, then 1252 01:05:59.560 --> 01:06:05.420 I would start to question if everything is somebody else's fault and they're the victim 1253 01:06:05.420 --> 01:06:10.140 in every scenario in their story, I would be concerned that they don't have a teachable 1254 01:06:10.140 --> 01:06:11.740 spirit if they can't self-reflect. 1255 01:06:11.740 --> 01:06:21.380 It says it makes, oh my gosh, Dan about the pizza. 1256 01:06:21.380 --> 01:06:28.720 I got distracted by that question because Dan lives in Connecticut and you all. 1257 01:06:28.720 --> 01:06:29.720 Oh my gosh. 1258 01:06:29.720 --> 01:06:31.280 We're going out for pizza this summer. 1259 01:06:31.280 --> 01:06:41.060 I promise you, you're going to take me some piece of pizza joints, okay. 1260 01:06:41.060 --> 01:06:42.060 You are so funny. 1261 01:06:42.060 --> 01:06:43.060 You are so funny. 1262 01:06:43.060 --> 01:06:44.060 Okay. 1263 01:06:44.060 --> 01:06:48.160 So that's, so those, so those are the kinds of clarity questions I would ask. 1264 01:06:48.160 --> 01:06:54.940 I would be asking things that let me know what they've learned, how they've grown. 1265 01:06:54.940 --> 01:06:56.820 How do you handle conflict? 1266 01:06:56.820 --> 01:06:58.900 How do you handle disagreements with somebody? 1267 01:06:58.900 --> 01:07:01.580 How do you want to handle disagreements with somebody? 1268 01:07:01.580 --> 01:07:05.540 How do you let the person know that you care about when you're having a hard day, when 1269 01:07:05.540 --> 01:07:08.440 you're stressed, when you're tired, when you don't want to talk? 1270 01:07:08.440 --> 01:07:09.940 How will I know when you're mad? 1271 01:07:09.940 --> 01:07:12.980 How will I know when you're sad? 1272 01:07:12.980 --> 01:07:18.020 Those are the kinds of questions I'm starting to ask in that clarity conversation. 1273 01:07:18.880 --> 01:07:19.880 What would your best friend say about you? 1274 01:07:19.880 --> 01:07:25.600 What, what, you know, things do you wish more people knew about you? 1275 01:07:25.600 --> 01:07:29.800 I'm looking for a lot more self-reflection at that point. 1276 01:07:29.800 --> 01:07:35.960 I'm definitely looking to find out, well, you know, how do you feel about marriage? 1277 01:07:35.960 --> 01:07:41.320 Are you excited to get married or married again is, you know, do you feel like you've 1278 01:07:41.320 --> 01:07:45.620 worked through everything that you've needed to work through? 1279 01:07:45.620 --> 01:07:48.040 Do your friends support you getting married? 1280 01:07:48.040 --> 01:07:51.480 Do you have couples that are close to you? 1281 01:07:51.480 --> 01:07:54.000 Who's in your community that you want me to meet? 1282 01:07:54.000 --> 01:07:59.040 So those are the kinds of questions I would start to ask. 1283 01:07:59.040 --> 01:08:01.000 Does that help you guys? 1284 01:08:01.000 --> 01:08:05.280 Oh, Pauline, yes. 1285 01:08:05.280 --> 01:08:06.640 If you have a question, please ask it. 1286 01:08:06.640 --> 01:08:11.600 I'm currently in a relationship with someone who seems to lean more dismissive, avoidant. 1287 01:08:11.600 --> 01:08:14.960 We have had frequent conflicts lately and seems to look at the conflicts differently. 1288 01:08:14.960 --> 01:08:19.100 He's currently stressed with work and he seems, Pauline, can you come live if you, 1289 01:08:19.100 --> 01:08:23.100 even if you're off camera, can you come on so I can talk that out with you a little bit 1290 01:08:23.100 --> 01:08:31.620 more? 1291 01:08:31.620 --> 01:08:32.819 Are you there, Pauline? 1292 01:08:32.819 --> 01:08:37.340 Can you hear me? 1293 01:08:37.340 --> 01:08:41.380 Because it's hard for me to, let's see, can I ask, I am currently in a relationship with 1294 01:08:41.380 --> 01:08:44.359 someone who seems to lean more dismissive, avoidant. 1295 01:08:44.359 --> 01:08:47.800 We've had frequent falling cause seems to look at the conflicts differently. 1296 01:08:47.800 --> 01:08:48.800 All right. 1297 01:08:48.800 --> 01:08:55.160 So sometimes when people are an avoidant personality, they don't like confrontation. 1298 01:08:55.160 --> 01:08:59.620 I highly recommend if you guys have a hard time, and if this is true for anybody who's 1299 01:08:59.620 --> 01:09:04.160 either dealing with somebody who's an avoidant or you are an avoidant and you don't like 1300 01:09:04.160 --> 01:09:08.540 conflict, I would encourage you to go back to the, it's somewhere in your paths. 1301 01:09:08.840 --> 01:09:11.399 It's the phase two boundaries teaching that I do. 1302 01:09:11.399 --> 01:09:17.600 I specifically talk about how to handle arguments and disagreements and conflict resolution. 1303 01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:23.880 And that's particularly important when you're dealing with somebody who is avoidant personality. 1304 01:09:23.880 --> 01:09:24.880 They're going to need you. 1305 01:09:24.880 --> 01:09:29.760 And so one of the biggest things I always say in confrontation, the phrase I always 1306 01:09:29.760 --> 01:09:33.560 say to folks is slower, lower, softer, SLS. 1307 01:09:33.560 --> 01:09:38.040 So memorize that, SLS, slower, lower, softer. 1308 01:09:38.040 --> 01:09:41.460 When you have to have a conversation with somebody that seems like it's going to be 1309 01:09:41.460 --> 01:09:48.540 confrontational, you want to come in slower, you want to lower your voice, and you want 1310 01:09:48.540 --> 01:09:50.880 to soften your voice. 1311 01:09:50.880 --> 01:09:58.740 Because coming in slower and lower and softer is going to bring the energy down in the room 1312 01:09:58.740 --> 01:10:00.020 and it's going to make somebody... 1313 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.680 be less defensive. And if they come at you with a lot of energy, you're going to take 1314 01:10:07.680 --> 01:10:16.960 a big in-breath. And then you're going to respond. You're not going to react. So you 1315 01:10:16.960 --> 01:10:21.160 just see how you can just take all that energy down. So that's how you want to work with 1316 01:10:21.160 --> 01:10:26.040 somebody who's an avoidant. You want to soften the air in the room. You want them to feel 1317 01:10:26.040 --> 01:10:34.400 safe to kind of walk back to the center and walk back towards you. And so I don't know, 1318 01:10:34.400 --> 01:10:37.720 but Pauline, if you're hearing me, if you need to ask a more specific question, I'd 1319 01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:42.280 be happy to walk you through that. But in general, that's how I like to walk through 1320 01:10:42.280 --> 01:10:49.840 conflict, especially with people who are avoidant of conflict. What are some good questions 1321 01:10:49.840 --> 01:10:57.520 to get to know somebody even better in a level three long-distance relationship? Melanie, 1322 01:10:57.520 --> 01:11:04.480 so I'm curious how often you are getting to see each other. So in that level three long-distance, 1323 01:11:04.480 --> 01:11:09.080 I would definitely say, unless it's a plane ride away, hopefully you guys are seeing each 1324 01:11:09.080 --> 01:11:13.720 other at least twice. I mean, if you guys are less than five hours apart and you're 1325 01:11:13.720 --> 01:11:18.480 a level three, you should be seeing each other at least twice a month. You need to have that 1326 01:11:18.480 --> 01:11:23.400 in-person time. So that would be my thing. If it's a plane ticket away, you need to be 1327 01:11:23.400 --> 01:11:30.640 seeing each other at least once a month. And to somebody else's point, I actually don't 1328 01:11:30.640 --> 01:11:36.120 think you should just be having in-depth conversations with them. I do think you need to be doing 1329 01:11:36.120 --> 01:11:41.840 things that look like real life dating. So I do think it's things like you guys walking 1330 01:11:41.840 --> 01:11:49.360 down a park together. It is cooking a meal together. It's playing games together. It's 1331 01:11:49.360 --> 01:11:56.680 starting to do things that look more like day-to-day life. But again, those kinds of 1332 01:11:56.680 --> 01:12:02.240 questions... Because here's the problem with just asking a bunch of questions when it's 1333 01:12:02.240 --> 01:12:08.260 long distance. All you're getting is their verbal answer. You're not getting to see them 1334 01:12:08.300 --> 01:12:13.860 actually do that answer. So anybody can say all the right stuff, right? Especially if they're 1335 01:12:13.860 --> 01:12:19.100 well-versed enough and they've done just enough therapy to be dangerous. They can tell you 1336 01:12:19.100 --> 01:12:23.460 everything that you think you want to hear and they can learn your patterns and what you want 1337 01:12:23.460 --> 01:12:30.220 to hear. But you actually need to see it work out. So if you are level three, more than anything, 1338 01:12:30.220 --> 01:12:37.340 you need that in-person time. What does Jackie always think about tithing? I remember one time 1339 01:12:37.340 --> 01:12:41.860 she said we should give out of joy, which was different from a standard 10%, I usually hear. 1340 01:12:41.860 --> 01:12:49.220 Well, I just came out of seminary, y'all, and I promise you, they gave more than 10% back in the 1341 01:12:49.220 --> 01:12:54.540 old days. So 10% is like bare minimum. The way they talked about tithing back then, it was like 1342 01:12:54.540 --> 01:13:02.580 closer to 40% to 50%. And so, I mean, I think we could give a lot of sermons on tithing. I 1343 01:13:02.580 --> 01:13:10.020 think that it's about the first fruits. If you actually really want to look at Old Testament 1344 01:13:10.020 --> 01:13:15.580 time and where it all came from, it was like you gave the first cow, you gave the first crop, 1345 01:13:15.580 --> 01:13:22.700 you gave the Lord the first fruit. So I know for me, more than worrying about it being 10%, 1346 01:13:22.700 --> 01:13:29.620 once I started giving online, it came to me like it was my first fruit. That was the bill I was 1347 01:13:29.620 --> 01:13:36.100 paying first was my tithe to the church. And that's a number that Brian and I have continued 1348 01:13:36.100 --> 01:13:41.900 to increase, especially as we've paid off some school and we just paid off my car. So we want 1349 01:13:41.900 --> 01:13:47.660 to make sure that we are tithing and that we are being generous to the Lord. And so we want to have 1350 01:13:47.660 --> 01:13:53.740 a generous spirit. We want to be fiscally responsible. But I do pay attention to the 1351 01:13:53.740 --> 01:14:00.700 fact like I personally am like, am I saving 10% a month? Am I investing 10% a month or into my 1352 01:14:00.700 --> 01:14:08.900 retirement? And am I willing to tithe 10%? So can I live on 70%? But so I, you know, and 10% for 1353 01:14:08.900 --> 01:14:14.180 somebody at a $50,000 a year for, you know, raising five kids is going to feel differently than 1354 01:14:14.180 --> 01:14:19.740 somebody at 10% making a million dollars. So I don't know that we should be married to the percent 1355 01:14:19.740 --> 01:14:25.660 as much as the spirit of giving and that spirit of generosity. I can tell you, I've been around 1356 01:14:25.660 --> 01:14:31.820 enough wealthy people to say that you can't out give God. Some of the most generous people I've 1357 01:14:31.820 --> 01:14:36.540 seen, they just, they just, they just try to, they give and God just blesses them with more because 1358 01:14:36.540 --> 01:14:41.180 they just want to keep giving and the Lord keeps blessing them. And it kind of reminds me of the 1359 01:14:41.180 --> 01:14:47.180 parable of, you know, the person that got the most flack was a person that just hoarded their money 1360 01:14:47.260 --> 01:14:51.820 and didn't do anything with it. So we want to be cheerful givers, but we don't want to use that 1361 01:14:51.820 --> 01:14:57.180 phrase to get out of tithing because I also think sometimes tithing is stretching and it should hurt 1362 01:14:57.180 --> 01:14:59.900 a little bit. So I would say if whatever you give to the... 1363 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.400 church doesn't squeeze you just a little bit, maybe it's not such a sacrifice. And so maybe 1364 01:15:05.400 --> 01:15:15.360 some seasons the Lord's asking you to sacrifice a little bit more. 1365 01:15:15.360 --> 01:15:20.180 Does anyone else experience men only wanting to date, marry in their race or they don't 1366 01:15:20.180 --> 01:15:24.520 like tattoos? I mean, I think that you guys are going to see that. You're going to see 1367 01:15:24.520 --> 01:15:29.720 all kinds of people only want to date in their race. People only want to date in their socioeconomic 1368 01:15:29.720 --> 01:15:35.320 status. People only want to date white collar versus blue collar. Somebody with tattoos 1369 01:15:35.320 --> 01:15:39.320 not having tattoos, somebody who swears doesn't swear, somebody who drinks doesn't drink. 1370 01:15:39.320 --> 01:15:45.560 And so I think that you're going to find people that have their set preferences. But we talked 1371 01:15:45.560 --> 01:15:50.840 about this in my dating coaching call, what, like a month ago, we talked about your God 1372 01:15:50.840 --> 01:15:55.880 given deal breakers versus your preferences, but some people make their preferences deal 1373 01:15:55.880 --> 01:16:07.280 breakers. And so you just never know. Okay. Awesome. Pauline. And Pauline, I'll be on 1374 01:16:07.280 --> 01:16:12.920 the lookout for your post there since I know what you're putting there too. But Bethany, 1375 01:16:12.920 --> 01:16:16.260 if you put it in the phase three, Bethany will speak into it. You mean it will speak 1376 01:16:16.260 --> 01:16:21.400 into it and you'll get lots of really good feedback there too. 1377 01:16:21.400 --> 01:16:25.520 The value of accepting conflict when necessary. I've had a lot of jobs recently where the 1378 01:16:25.560 --> 01:16:31.560 boss wouldn't deal with problems because, oh yeah, man, I love confrontation. You guys, 1379 01:16:31.560 --> 01:16:35.280 confrontation doesn't mean yelling and screaming. Confrontation literally means showing up with 1380 01:16:35.280 --> 01:16:39.800 your full front. It means being authentic and honest and vulnerable straight to somebody's 1381 01:16:39.800 --> 01:16:45.520 face. So, and I promise you a good marriage is a marriage that knows how to have healthy 1382 01:16:45.520 --> 01:16:51.640 conflict. Because if you never have conflict in a marriage or conflict in a relationship 1383 01:16:51.640 --> 01:16:55.200 with your boss, it means you're not having a real relationship. Like that's how we grow. 1384 01:16:55.880 --> 01:17:03.120 That's how iron sharpens iron is in that conflict a little bit. Let's see. How long should you 1385 01:17:03.120 --> 01:17:08.000 continue the exploratory? It says when you have a feeling it's not right long-term. Ooh, 1386 01:17:08.000 --> 01:17:13.120 that's a good question. Okay. So Jackie always says the phrase, it's a yes until it's a no. 1387 01:17:13.120 --> 01:17:17.600 And sometimes you know that after one phone call, sometimes you know that after one date, 1388 01:17:17.600 --> 01:17:22.120 sometimes you know that after three dates. Jackie's always encouraged us to give everybody 1389 01:17:22.280 --> 01:17:28.280 two or three chances, unless you have a complete aversion. If you want to pluck your eyeballs out 1390 01:17:28.280 --> 01:17:35.080 in a date, we don't want you to book that second date. I mean, nobody's asking you to do that. But 1391 01:17:35.080 --> 01:17:39.640 if you had a reasonably decent time and you had a good time and you're like, maybe he talked too 1392 01:17:39.640 --> 01:17:45.320 much. Maybe she didn't wear what I liked. Maybe I didn't have that chemistry, but I really enjoyed 1393 01:17:45.320 --> 01:17:50.520 them. And I think I want to give them another chance. That's what we mean by it's a yes until 1394 01:17:50.520 --> 01:17:57.960 it's a no. But if you realize that somebody is a good person, but not your person, and you don't 1395 01:17:57.960 --> 01:18:03.480 see it changing and you don't get excited when they call and you don't want to have that next 1396 01:18:03.480 --> 01:18:09.560 date, then what you just need to say is I've really enjoyed getting to know you. I just don't 1397 01:18:09.560 --> 01:18:15.640 really feel like I want to pursue this any further. However, you are incredible. And I'm a part of 1398 01:18:15.640 --> 01:18:20.680 this community. I would love for you to join because there are some amazing other men or women 1399 01:18:20.680 --> 01:18:26.600 in that community. And your part, like maybe me meeting you was only to help you find your person. 1400 01:18:27.640 --> 01:18:32.600 And so I think that, you know, we definitely don't want to drag it out. You definitely don't want to 1401 01:18:32.600 --> 01:18:38.600 go to an exclusive relationship. And I learned this the hard way. And, you know, like I went 1402 01:18:38.600 --> 01:18:43.880 into an exclusive relationship. I even got as far as like Simbis with somebody. And I was like, 1403 01:18:43.880 --> 01:18:48.600 I'm not really that attracted to him. And Jackie's like, what the heck are you doing in Simbis? And 1404 01:18:48.600 --> 01:18:54.040 I'm like, you were like, it's a yes until it's a no. She goes, no, it was a no. It was a no. 1405 01:18:54.680 --> 01:19:00.440 And so like, I will say this, like, don't go exclusive with somebody unless you're all in. 1406 01:19:00.440 --> 01:19:05.880 Like you want to be all in because otherwise that's just misleading. So you can continue to like 1407 01:19:05.880 --> 01:19:11.080 date them while you're figuring it out. But don't go exclusive unless you find them attractive. 1408 01:19:11.640 --> 01:19:15.480 And you really think this could be the person that you may not know for sure, 1409 01:19:15.480 --> 01:19:26.200 but if it's a no, then, you know, let them go. But in general, I mean, I don't know about y'all, 1410 01:19:26.200 --> 01:19:31.720 but like, and I will say that person that I dated, you know, he was really nice and 1411 01:19:31.720 --> 01:19:35.480 he was really pleasant. And on paper, a lot of the things like check the box. 1412 01:19:36.280 --> 01:19:44.760 Um, so, I mean, I don't regret that. I learned a lot in that process. And so you just learn, 1413 01:19:44.760 --> 01:19:50.040 but you don't want to, especially if someone's coming in, like they're like all in, you can 1414 01:19:50.040 --> 01:19:55.000 tell they're in love with you and you're like way down here. Y'all, you might need to nip that, 1415 01:19:55.000 --> 01:19:59.880 but unless you have a crazy good amount of time with them, like if you're having a crazy good time. 1416 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.800 then something is telling you to stay in it. 1417 01:20:01.800 --> 01:20:04.040 But hopefully that answered your question. 1418 01:20:04.040 --> 01:20:06.560 All right, oh my gosh, 3824, look at that. 1419 01:20:06.560 --> 01:20:07.960 I didn't think we'd last this long. 1420 01:20:07.960 --> 01:20:09.720 Look how long we all lasted tonight. 1421 01:20:09.720 --> 01:20:11.160 You guys were so much fun tonight. 1422 01:20:11.160 --> 01:20:14.440 I promise, I'm sorry you got me and not Jackie, 1423 01:20:14.440 --> 01:20:17.360 because Jackie's amazing, but you will get Jackie. 1424 01:20:17.360 --> 01:20:19.680 So if you guys came on late, 1425 01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:24.640 Jackie lost her water in her home, 1426 01:20:24.640 --> 01:20:25.880 and somebody was coming out, 1427 01:20:25.880 --> 01:20:29.040 and she was having a lot of back and leg issues. 1428 01:20:29.080 --> 01:20:31.240 So we pray for her at the front. 1429 01:20:31.240 --> 01:20:34.080 And so just keep her in your prayers. 1430 01:20:34.080 --> 01:20:37.680 And we just want complete healing for Jackie. 1431 01:20:37.680 --> 01:20:41.120 I got to be around her and David and Reagan this weekend. 1432 01:20:41.120 --> 01:20:43.160 We were at Stacey McVane's wedding. 1433 01:20:43.160 --> 01:20:45.160 It was so much fun. 1434 01:20:45.160 --> 01:20:47.720 And Jackie was getting a lot of business, 1435 01:20:47.720 --> 01:20:50.800 because everyone's like, oh, Jackie's the dating coach. 1436 01:20:50.800 --> 01:20:54.360 So it was so fun to be with her and be around them 1437 01:20:54.360 --> 01:20:56.400 and kind of get re-excited for you guys. 1438 01:20:56.400 --> 01:20:57.840 Y'all are so sweet. 1439 01:20:57.840 --> 01:20:58.720 I love y'all too. 1440 01:20:59.400 --> 01:21:03.720 I feel so passionate about every one of you getting married. 1441 01:21:03.720 --> 01:21:06.480 That's how much I believe in this program 1442 01:21:06.480 --> 01:21:07.560 and in this community. 1443 01:21:07.560 --> 01:21:09.400 Like some people get married in this community 1444 01:21:09.400 --> 01:21:11.200 and peace out, and they pretend 1445 01:21:11.200 --> 01:21:13.200 like they were never part of this community. 1446 01:21:13.200 --> 01:21:16.400 I am bold, and I have no problem letting people know 1447 01:21:16.400 --> 01:21:19.640 that this community needs to exist in every church, 1448 01:21:19.640 --> 01:21:21.400 in every state around the country, 1449 01:21:21.400 --> 01:21:23.560 because we all need our heart healing, 1450 01:21:23.560 --> 01:21:25.400 and we need to have kingdom marriages. 1451 01:21:25.400 --> 01:21:27.640 And I'm glad that they have picked it up. 1452 01:21:27.640 --> 01:21:30.640 And whatever I can do to help you, 1453 01:21:30.640 --> 01:21:32.960 and I'm officiating two weddings this year too, 1454 01:21:32.960 --> 01:21:35.000 so I'm super excited about that. 1455 01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:37.000 So we care about you. 1456 01:21:37.000 --> 01:21:37.840 We really, really do. 1457 01:21:37.840 --> 01:21:39.080 And we pray for you all the time. 1458 01:21:39.080 --> 01:21:41.720 So if you do not have any hope tonight, 1459 01:21:41.720 --> 01:21:45.560 look, I purposely broke, I drank out of my hope mug, 1460 01:21:45.560 --> 01:21:47.520 because I want you guys to borrow my hope 1461 01:21:47.520 --> 01:21:48.760 if you have no hope tonight. 1462 01:21:48.760 --> 01:21:51.040 All right, I love you guys, 1463 01:21:51.040 --> 01:21:53.120 and I'm gonna be praying for you tonight. 1464 01:21:53.120 --> 01:21:55.520 Have a great night, and we'll talk to you soon. 1465 01:21:55.520 --> 01:21:56.360 Thanks, Renee.