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with us before would love for you to let us know that you're here in the chat that this

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is your first time joining us so that we can welcome you. Welcome back to all my ladies

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that have been here before and you're back for more. I love it. I'm so glad I'm starting

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to recognize, like, see Michelle on again. Nice to see you, Michelle. Do you say is it

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Brytowski? Is that how I say it? Brytowski. Brytowski. Awesome. It's nice to see you again.

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Liberty first time here. I thought your name and your picture looked new. Welcome. I'm just

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waiting a few minutes for people to join, but I'm going to go ahead and go through our

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housekeeping items and then ladies can always catch up on those. Housekeeping, basically,

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sometimes there's new announcements, but it's a time for us to just kind of share a couple

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best practices while you're here in the heart work. Just so you kind of know some things

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that we do in our program. We do ask you all to press pause on dating when you're here

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in the heart work. Some of you came in from the Modern Dating Sucks book club where you

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were practicing and learning about dating. The reason we ask you to press pause on dating

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when you're doing the heart work is a lot of stuff gets stirred up in your heart that

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sometimes can confuse you when you're trying to date. There are a lot of reasons. That's

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the very abbreviated short version. If you've already started talking to someone because

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you were in Modern Dating Sucks, we can coach you on how to navigate that and kind of let

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them know. It doesn't mean you have to just abruptly shut that off if they're a healthy

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person, but we can kind of coach you on that so you can let us know in the group or in

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the chat and we can go from there. Typically, you know, heart work is about five weeks

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depending on how long your journey takes. Some of you all might take a little bit longer.

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Hopefully none of you go shorter than that because it is built for five weeks and as

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you get into the content, you're going to see why. It's going to take some time to process

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the things that are going to come up for you. We are here cheering you on along the

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way myself, Bethany Cooper. To introduce myself, I'm one of the master heart work coaches here

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in the community. We also have Kelly Stotler and Andrea Jezlenek, who will be coaching

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you as well. If you see them responding to your comments in the group, they are a part

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of our team and so glad to have them. Andrea does coach on Mondays as well at 1 p.m. Eastern

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time. All of our announcements to you, any kind of like supernatural Saturday recap,

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any kind of activation follow up posts are going to be under the announcements tab when

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you're in the app. So just encourage you all to check those a couple times a week replay.

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We definitely want to recommend that you listen to supernatural Saturday. What's the good word?

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That's what Jackie was talking about. Then if you get a chance, listen to the prophetic

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ministry night last night too because we dove into that a little more and really allowed

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God to continue to say some good words over us, over the community and over you. A lot

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of good stuff coming out there. And then here's a couple other little things. I want to,

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I try to remind you all of this as well because when we're doing hard work, because the hard

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work can be hard work sometimes, but it's worth it. We want to be intentional to do some

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fun things too. So go for a hike, explore a new town or something that you haven't done.

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Maybe you've had something that's just been on your list. I would really love to go do

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that, but you haven't been doing it or haven't done it. Maybe go to a playground and swing

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on a swing. Kind of cultivate the little girl on the inside of you. Maybe go down a slide.

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I mean, there's so many different things. I even took last weekend, the little foster

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girl that we were caring for. I took her to this place called Candy Wonderland. And there

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was all kinds of fun stuff in there. And they had one of those slides that was like kind

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of like the old school used to put the burlap kind of, I think that's what it's called,

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those burlap kind of bags and you would go down the slides. Well, now they make them

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so you can just go down it without it. Then anyways, I'm saying that to say, I was having

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fun. Well, she was having fun. I was holding her hand. We're going down it together. And

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it's just a good reminder, ladies, that yes, as adults, we should adult. But sometimes

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we just need to have some fun like a little girl. Okay. So look for those things. Kind

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of go watch a funny movie. You can do it at home for free if you want. So why is this

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really vital? Here's the thing, when you are going through the hard work, you're going

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to have all kinds of stuff stirred up. Toxins need to get released from your body. And

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we know that the Bible says that laughter is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries

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up the bones. Okay. So that's Proverbs 1722. You didn't know where to find that. And so

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might not have even remembered work down inside of your soul. And one of the ways to help your body

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process that is laughing. It is laughing, allowing yourself to feel joy. And so I want to encourage

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y'all to do that. Let me pray for us and then we'll go right into the content. Father, thank you so

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much for this night. God, thank you for the revealings for healing that are happening.

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God, I thank you for the new ladies, the ladies that have been here. God, I pray that you just

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continue to bring supernatural revelation. God, where we don't see things. God, open our eyes to

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see what you see. I thank you that you would help us to hear what your spirit is saying. Lord, help

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us to lean into the truth of your word, the truth of your grace. Yes, Lord, help us to be able to receive

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your love, the full measure of your love for us. Thank you, Lord, that we would have ears to

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just totally dial in tonight that you would remove distractions. Lord, I pray that you would not

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help us to not pass over this session because of the what it is covering. But God, that you would

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help us to just hear the freshness of your spirit conveying your love for us in such a way that it

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just breaks chains. It breaks limiting belief systems and mindsets God that it would help us to

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yeah, Lord, to believe that there's more for us where there's been hopelessness. God,

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I thank you that you would feel hope tanks. We just ask you for healing from the inside out.

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Holy Spirit, have your way and Jesus name, Amen. So tonight is on confession and repentance, ladies.

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This is actually one of my favorite sessions to coach. I love all of them. But part of the

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reason I love this is that so many people, you know, in the body of Christ, try to pass over this stuff.

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And it's actually so important to our healing. And I feel like God has given me a lot of grace to

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convey to you, to a lot of people, to myself, how much he loves us, okay, that no matter what we've

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done in the past, maybe even what we've been doing recently, that while we may not even understand

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fully why we did some of those things. God knows the why behind the what he knows why we did what we

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did. And he knows why we're doing what we're doing. And so it's important to rely on God in this

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process of heart healing. He loves you. Nothing can separate you from his love. Nothing you've ever

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done, nothing you ever will do could separate you from his love. The Holy Spirit is your counselor

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and your guide through this process. And so we really lean into encouraging you all to not dig.

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So basically that's not that's us saying don't try to find the answers for yourself by digging up

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all kinds of, you know, history by calling all your siblings or your mom or your dad and grandma and

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trying to talk to people. Now if you do that organically as the Lord leads, that's different.

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But sometimes, you know, when we turn over a rock before it's meant to be turned over, it can

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actually traumatize us instead of bring healing. Okay, so you don't have to be afraid of it, you

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all. But what the Lord is going to do as you go through this process is he will reveal the areas

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for healing that are needed right now. Okay. And so some of you will have layers that will get

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healed and revealed in this moment this week, the next few weeks, some of you will have additional

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layers that get revealed as you go into the additional phases and, you know, start trying to

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date, start thinking about dating, you know, whatever that looks like, you know, different

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things, different phases and seasons that we're in are going to bring up different things within our

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spirit and soul that need healing. And so I want to talk about, again, the why behind the what and

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so many of us have struggled with a lot of different things. But I'm going to give you some

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examples of the why behind the what and kind of just to get you thinking about your own life.

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You know, what are the some of the things that you've done that you wished you hadn't, you know,

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what are some of the things right now that you're struggling with, you know, whether that's sin,

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whether that's an unhealthy habit, maybe it's repeating a cycle of something that you're just

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like, man, I don't really want to keep doing this, but I keep doing this. And I don't know why I keep

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doing this. Yes, those are all the things you want to kind of be thinking about tonight.

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So some of the why behind the what that I listed is insecurity, you know, a lot of us. And when we

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choose to do things that are not healthy for us, a lot of us, you know, have those decisions rooted in

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insecurity, self-hatred. I list this out and a lot of people will be like, well, I don't hate

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myself. And I would love to say to you that for, you know, some people that is

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there is self loathing, self pity. And they hate a lot of other

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people, even if they wouldn't express it like that, they're

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strong dislike. We'll say it that way. But underlying if they're

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really honest with themselves, there is a lot of hatred towards

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other people. And when that is present, you all typically, we're

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not going to hate other people. We might be mad at other people.

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But when we feel hatred and deep, deep anger, a lot of times,

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it's because we hate aspects of ourselves and decisions that

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we've made. And we just haven't been willing to look at that.

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Okay. Over eating. That's another one. Why do we do this? Well,

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again, God knows the why behind the what gossiping, huge one. When

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we keep talking about other people in situations and we don't

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curb our tongue, there's a reason why we're doing that. Some

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of us were raised in homes and families where that was

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prevalent. siblings gossiping and talking about each other and

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putting each other down, bickering and fault finding, you

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know, those all kind of hang out together. And that is not God

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does not want that for his kids. I just want you all to hear

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that. I don't think the church talks enough about this. God

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wants to invite us to come out of that place where, yeah, okay,

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maybe we could see areas where people can grow or heal or

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whatever. But what could we do with it instead of gossiping

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about it? Okay.

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Negative self talk or thought patterns? Are you, you know,

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consistently putting yourself down? Are you thinking bad about

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yourself? Or do you have a positive dialogue that's playing

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on your record, so to speak, in your subconscious, sexual

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related struggles? So maybe having sex before marriage,

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pornography addictions, lust, you know, all, you know, a lot of

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women have remember the first time being in a session with

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Jackie and she said the word masturbation about fell off my

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chair, because nobody talks about it. But we're not going to

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go into it. I'm not going to tell you guys what is allowed,

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what isn't. I'm just saying to you, these are things that God

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wants us to be talking about. People are struggling with these

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things in private and not letting anybody know because

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they're so ashamed of it. And it's keeping people bound. And God

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wants to set his daughters free. And so part of that is us

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acknowledging what we're struggling with. Okay, struggles

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with authority. Okay, are you someone that typically wants to

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rebel against anybody in authority over you? No matter what

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that looks like, boss, parents, you know, even in sessions like

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this, you have a coach, you just, no matter what, you know, you

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need help. But you don't want to listen to the coach's guidance

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and direction. And we see this show up more when it steps into

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dating. Most of the time people here in hard work don't kind of

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buck against the coaching and the guidance giving. Sometimes

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people do. And we will gently, lovingly try to encourage you all

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to kind of shift out of that. But if you have an inner rebellion

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in you, again, that is coming from wounds on the inside that God

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would love to reveal because he doesn't want you to stay in

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that place. angry inside or maybe even angry outbursts, maybe

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you're acting on your anger at this point. I also feel like

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it's always important when I talk about this to mention

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road rage because it's worse than ever in our society today. And

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it's men and women alike. I have I've seen more women lately

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with road rage than men. And it used to be like coin kind of

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a guy thing. And it's kind of common that we're in our society

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where we used to always think it was just a guy thing, you know,

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we used to think pornography was just men struggling with that.

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Well, now it's I mean, tons of women are struggling with this.

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Little kids are struggling with this is just across the board.

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Okay. And so again, these are just examples, yours might be

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something different, what you're struggling with or what you

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have struggled with. But instead of us just accepting these

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things in our lives as this is just how I am, they should just

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have to deal with this. I just I don't even know if I can change

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from being this way. This is just how my family has always been.

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Maybe tonight, let's choose to allow God to transform us from

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the inside out, help us partner with him to become the kinsman

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redeemers in our family lines. You know, for me, my family, for

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those of you that do know my story, sexually abused by my

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brothers, my sister also participated in that. And there

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was just a lot of brokenness in our family, a lot of physical

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abuse between my brothers and my sister. And then my sister

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turned on me. And so y'all, it took a lot for me to stand up

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against that.

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I was afraid to not be chosen. Okay. So it was more than just a sexual thing, but because I had gone through that as a kid, and I had gone through a ton of healing you all, but I still needed more healing so that I would truly value myself

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and honor my boundaries, no matter what the guy did. Okay. And so I'm just saying to you, the reason I use that as an example is if I can, and it's not, I haven't, I'm not perfected you all. Okay. When I say this, it's not like I've arrived, but what I am saying is I've overcome a lot and I'm absolutely

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never believed 100% that I had changed the course of my family line because of things I've stood up for. Brian and I did not have sex before we got married we chose to covenant together to fight for that. And I'm so grateful for that.

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I decided and we decided that our family we wanted something different for our family and our kids coming behind us. And so that can be you to whatever your struggle and your family has been.

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I want you to think about the areas that you feel or think are too dark for the Lord or that you might think, Hey, if they knew this about me, they would just think I'm too much.

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And now I want you to think about a story in the Bible about the leper, lepers in general, were the outcast.

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They were rejected. They were alone because of their dis ease, their affliction. Okay, literally people would not go near them at all. They were isolated and alone.

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Oh, there's not there. And now I want you to see again today how Jesus responded to the leper in Mark chapter one. I'm not going to go through the scripture a lot. I'm just going to kind of summarize it and highlight it for you.

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But you all can reach out Mark chapter one. Highly recommend either tonight when you jump off or tomorrow, just like while it's fresh in your mind. But one of the things that Jesus did is he went towards the leper.

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Okay, when everybody else was going away from the leper and they were going in other directions avoiding him, you know, even in curt discouraging other people from going around them. Jesus went towards the leper.

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That's fine. Jesus didn't just heal him, but he also touched the leper.

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I want you to think about that too. Jesus could have literally spoken a word and healed the leper from a distance.

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But he didn't. He went up to him and he touched him.

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He literally touched the man and he healed. So what I want you to think about is the untouchable and that moment became touchable.

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And I want you to think about your own situations in your life, the areas that you've been struggling with.

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And I want you to understand that Jesus is coming to that area of your life and what you have believed has made you tainted or like that you couldn't be chosen because of it.

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Or you would be that outcast or whatever that Jesus is coming to those areas in your life and he wants to do the same thing for you that he did for that leper because he chooses you.

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He comes towards you not to harm you or cause you to be afraid, but because he loves you, when others might turn away, he's saying, "I am for you."

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Okay? And so all the social barriers for that leper were also shattered in that moment by divine love.

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And that is kingdom love. Divine love. God is love. He cannot reject who he is.

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And so everything that in your mind on any level has caused you to believe the lie that God doesn't choose you, hasn't chosen you, other people won't choose you where you just feel kind of like separate from everybody else.

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God is saying to you tonight, like, "Hey, I'm shattering those social barriers. I'm shattering those lies and I'm bringing my divine love into your living room right now, or your bedroom, wherever you are, your neck."

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I see some of you kind of sitting by the outside there.

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And he wants to encounter your heart and help you step in to receive the full measure of his love for you.

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God Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

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They are not from God not from Jesus and not from the Holy Spirit

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So that you can receive the unconditional love that's already available to you

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Repentance literally is us coming out of agreement with the lies or sinful harmful behaviors that we've been walking in okay

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So it's us choosing to have a change of mind body and spirit

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This isn't about behaving good

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It's about genuine heart transformation

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So this isn't about us saying you have to just be good ladies

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Just be good just keep you like you just gotta be perfect. No, this is us saying God is for you

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And he wants to help you overcome these things. He wants you to heal at the core

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So when I talked about my family line earlier

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Well, it it was the sexual stuff that was the problem because I was learned stuff

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I should have never learned as a little girl

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but at the core I

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felt neglect and rejection and abandonment as a child and

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Those were the things that also needed healing in the depths of my soul

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So what is it for you?

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So what is it that you want to turn your life around in this area?

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You want to come out of agreement with some of these patterns and lies and harmful behaviors

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You know just be thinking again about this. I'm not gonna ask you to have to share about it in the chat right now

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I just want you to kind of internally

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Just recognize that God wants to take you by the hand and literally walk you out of that

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Now that was repentance

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Confession partners with that

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When we when we don't confess whatever we don't confess guess what ladies

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We remain tethered to that stuff and I want you to think about tethered means like this like you're literally connected to it

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So when we confess things

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It helps us to start to kind of break that tethering of the enemy and also sins that we don't repent for

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Okay, remember repentance and confession. They go together repent means I'm saying okay. I know this was not and the

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The choice God wanted me to make God will you forgive me for choosing whatever this was whatever that was for you and

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Help me go in a different direction. It's literally again that change of mind

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Body and spirit you're going in a different direction, but then hey if we don't do this not only do we remain tethered

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If we don't repent or confess then it also creates those blind spots

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Okay, remember Jackie talks about the blind spots and in the hard work

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Well, that's part of how they're created and so think about I don't know if you guys are like me

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But I didn't just mess up once

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I step a lot

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And at one one season of my life, I can remember just feeling like I had messed up too many times

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And it wasn't that I didn't think that God loved me or that I wasn't still accepted by him

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But I just kind of literally did start thinking gosh

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This is a lot to overcome and crawl out of now

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and

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Sometimes we can feel like that but here's the thing James 5 16 says therefore confess your sins to each other and

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Pray for each other so that you might be healed the prayer of a righteous man of veils much

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Okay

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So when we

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Repent and confess then we can have healing so important so

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I'm gonna share with you all a couple of things that I had to be willing to

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Say okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop going in this direction because it is not good

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For me, it's not serving me and God wants to take me somewhere else

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So these were some of the things that I did

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Back in the day number one trying to fill the God shaped hole in my heart with things that were not good for me

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Food to comfort me binge watching too much TV to avoid loneliness or pain

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Sometimes when I feel super overwhelmed, I can feel that kickin back up

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You know just to binge watch TV to kind of escapism, right?

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Harmful thought patterns that were keeping me stuck so things I was thinking about and even ladies

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Just what came up in my spirit is sometimes we fantasize about things

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Okay, if you're into fantasy novels, I'm not saying don't read them

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But if that is something that trips you up sexually or even emotionally or mentally

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I don't want to encourage you to kind of make

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Allow yourself to really get healed

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and ask the Lord before you start watching those things again.

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Even for me, I had to, I really like crime shows

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and investigative things.

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I think because I like the bad guy to get caught,

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makes me feel better, but I had to stop watching like SVU

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because of what was in the content.

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And I remember like when it got started talking to me

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about it, it was because I was starting to have nightmares.

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And I hadn't had them in a long time.

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And when I prayed about it,

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God just was like, you need to stop watching that show.

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And so you might need to be praying about

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some of that kind of stuff.

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If you're into certain kinds of shows

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that are very erotic, very sexual in nature

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and you struggle with lust, you all,

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hey, you're probably gonna wanna stop watching those shows

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because it's just, it's stirring that up in you more

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than you realize.

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One of the other things that I had to repent for

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was not keeping boundaries in place

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regarding sex outside of marriage.

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And you all in the relationship with my spiritual daughter's dad,

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like I tried, like really hard to keep that boundary,

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but he put a lot of pressure on me and in the beginning,

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I remember thinking like, oh, well, I think I'm gonna marry him.

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And I like excused it the first time.

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And I didn't even mean to do it.

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Like as far as like excusing that.

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But then I kind of was like, oh my gosh,

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I did not really wanna do that.

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Like, and really at the core, here's what it came down to

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is I was afraid he wouldn't choose me.

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And that's what was underlying that.

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And so when I really started like, okay,

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valuing myself, like I'm gonna say no to this.

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I don't want to do this.

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I want to be married and all of this.

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Because I would deal with so much internal guilt.

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You know, yes, I knew I was doing something wrong,

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but I dealt with so much shame and guilt afterwards.

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I was just like, oh my gosh,

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this I do not wanna live like this.

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I have a calling on my life.

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I wanna walk in that calling.

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I don't wanna miss that for anything.

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Not even this moment of, you know,

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'cause you think in that moment,

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it's gonna be like this physical,

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like you're gonna be so like amazing.

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No, most of the time that's not how it works out

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because regret and shame come in,

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knocking on the door immediately.

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And sometimes even in the middle of.

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And so, you know, stepping outside of that

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and kind of one of the things that happened

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is he started really pressuring me,

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getting really mad at me, storming out of the house,

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you know, peeling out.

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Like there was just a lot of stuff going on.

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And I just had to stick to like kind of stay firm.

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You know, the Bible says that we need

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to set our face like Flint.

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And in that case, that is what I had to do.

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And you all, he was not my guy.

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Because you know what?

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He should have been protecting that with me,

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which is what Brian did.

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And when a man is for covenant,

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when a man is masculine, marriage minded, mature,

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and he walks in all the fruits of the spirit,

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not just some of the fruits, but all of them.

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That includes self-control.

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Does that mean that we're perfect?

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No.

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But we're going to do our best to guard that for each other.

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Okay, that's something you should want.

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For some of the other things I had to confess and repent from,

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I kind of mentioned this, letting my values be lowered

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to be in a relationship.

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You know, I didn't want to be single.

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And then what was interesting after I broke up with him,

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I, for the first time in my life, chose to be single.

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I felt called to do it for a year.

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And at the end of that year, I was like,

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"Well, shoot, that wasn't that hard, actually."

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Kind of like this single thing for a little bit.

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And so I actually ended up waiting another year.

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And then not long after that, I came into this program

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and God had me on a good path.

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But, you know, lowering our values to be in a relationship

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or, you know, to be with someone isn't a healthy thing.

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The last one I want to mention,

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and then I'm going to get you all ready for breakout groups,

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was I kept blowing past red flags.

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The Lord was lovingly trying to keep me from things

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that were going to hurt me in that relationship

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and in even other relationships in the past.

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And I just, I kept blowing past red flags.

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And so for some of you,

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that's going to be something you might need to repent for tonight.

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We blame God for things when sometimes it was us choosing it

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when he was saying, "Hey, don't go that way."

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I remember, I'll never forget this one morning.

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God was talking to me and he said, "I don't want to,

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I don't want you to be like the woman at the well."

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That's what he said to me.

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Don't want you to be like the woman at the well.

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And I knew, I knew what he was saying, ladies.

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And I hadn't even had,

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I had not been sexual with him at that point.

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was like, but he's amazing. No, he really wasn't. He was not. And

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I just didn't see it at that moment. But anyways, that's part

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of my story. I want y'all to know that God loves you. And when

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he's trying to draw you out of things, it's for your good,

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even when it's hard. And God lovingly, for six years, kept

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talking to me about that guy. And that that wasn't the family he

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had for me. And that wasn't his best for me. And it took me a

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while to have the courage to really walk away from that. And

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again, you know, things I'm sharing with you tonight, I hope

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it, I hope it saves you all from things like that. But

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everybody learns at their own pace. So I want to say this,

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please hear me. Even if you make mistakes once you start dating,

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please do not go into isolation and think we're going to judge

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you because we aren't. If you make mistakes, come in and be

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honest about them. Because you know what, that's where healing

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begins. That's where healing begins. Not not when we go hide.

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If I have been honest with some people about some of those

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things earlier than I was, I think I would have saved some

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years there. Okay. So I want to encourage you in that we're

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not going to judge you a promise. Okay. All right. So

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tonight, your question for breakout session is what do you

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need to confess tonight? Remember, ladies, when you go into

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these breakout sessions, you're not the coach, you're not a

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counselor, you're just there to listen to one another. After

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your sister shares, just say, thank you so much for sharing

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that. And then the next person go. And then if you guys finish

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sharing, then get to know each other a little bit, where you

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from, what are some things you love to do? You know, if you

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guys really make a friend connection, if you want to share

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00:31:53.240 --> 00:31:56.600
numbers with each other, that's awesome. You know, God wants to

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help you make some friends. If that is something you're open to.

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All right. So your question, when you go into the breakout

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session is what do you need to confess tonight? All right, let

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me get those ready for us.

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And I want you all to really step into courage. Okay, I know it

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can feel a little intimidating. This night is a night where a

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lot of people get super quiet. And I just want you to know that

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God, God's with you and he'll give you the courage to share.

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All right, all right, those are there for you have seven minutes

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short, brief and powerful ladies. Okay, go ahead and click those

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as quick as you can to join.

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As soon as I get people situated, I'll start to pray. Okay, ladies

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go into the breakout sessions, we need as many people to go in

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there as possible.

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Oh, Carolyn, did you come back here? Oh, she left that room.

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Oh, there she is. Okay.

425
00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:14.160
Can you put me back in? I accidentally pressed the wrong

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button in. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let me anything. Yeah, I

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found you. Give me one sec. I'm just trying to see if there's

428
00:33:21.880 --> 00:33:23.400
anybody by themselves.

429
00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:26.440
All right.

430
00:33:26.440 --> 00:33:32.320
I actually have to switch rooms, but go ahead and click that one

431
00:33:32.320 --> 00:33:33.480
to join an Amy. Okay.

432
00:33:33.480 --> 00:33:41.360
All right, Father, thank you so much for this night. God, we

433
00:33:41.360 --> 00:33:43.760
thank you for revealing for healing that are happening. God,

434
00:33:43.760 --> 00:33:48.000
I thank you for just reminding us of your love, the depth of your

435
00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:53.000
love and how you go towards us and that you don't avoid us. You

436
00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:58.240
don't go silent in the sense of silence the way we know it. God,

437
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:03.120
we know sometimes that there is a quietness to God in how you

438
00:34:03.120 --> 00:34:06.200
speak to us and God, I pray that you would help us Lord to just

439
00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:10.719
receive your love in a fresh way tonight. That every lady on

440
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:16.440
here would start to hear more of your truth. Yes, Lord, that you

441
00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:23.719
would help us to see ourselves through your eyes where I'm here

442
00:34:23.719 --> 00:34:29.280
in the word tainted. So where some might have felt tainted by the

443
00:34:29.280 --> 00:34:32.960
past or by a mistake. God, I thank you that you just erase all

444
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:36.920
that. And you make it, you know, that crimson red, white as snow.

445
00:34:36.920 --> 00:34:40.639
And I just thank you for renewal. I thank you for restoration. I

446
00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:45.480
thank you for helping us to step into the bride that you've called

447
00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:51.199
us to be. I thank you God for. Yeah, Lord, I'm asking you to heal

448
00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:55.440
memories to God where there has been a lot of pain where there's

449
00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:59.520
been a lot of abuse where there's been a lot of neglect and

450
00:35:03.560 --> 00:35:06.320
touch minds tonight, that you would heal memories, that you

451
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:10.440
would heal the depths of our souls and our being. God, where

452
00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:13.480
there's just this brokenness that sometimes feels like it can

453
00:35:13.480 --> 00:35:16.560
never be repaired. I thank you that you're the great physician

454
00:35:16.560 --> 00:35:19.120
that nothing is too hard for you. So we thank you for healing

455
00:35:19.120 --> 00:35:23.720
minds. And we just come against, I just sense right now to I just

456
00:35:23.720 --> 00:35:29.200
come against any mental health disorders, emotional struggles

457
00:35:29.200 --> 00:35:33.320
because of pain and trauma. We just, we just speak peace of our

458
00:35:33.320 --> 00:35:38.800
minds tonight. I think you got for yeah, aligning our minds with

459
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:41.480
your mind. I thank you, God, that you would help us to become

460
00:35:41.480 --> 00:35:45.240
more fortified in the way that we think God strengthen us, God

461
00:35:45.240 --> 00:35:48.640
give us grace when the enemy comes in like a flood with

462
00:35:48.640 --> 00:35:52.560
thoughts and negativity, God that we would, yes, Lord, be able to

463
00:35:52.560 --> 00:35:55.120
raise up a standard against Him. And I thank you, God, that we

464
00:35:55.120 --> 00:36:00.080
would remember that we, we walk with the sword and the sword of

465
00:36:00.080 --> 00:36:03.440
the spirit, which is the word of God when we stand in the arm of

466
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:06.440
God and we declare your truth over ourselves and over other

467
00:36:06.440 --> 00:36:12.880
people. I thank you, God, for helping us to see and understand

468
00:36:12.880 --> 00:36:17.680
our calling, our position in your kingdom. Yes, Lord, I thank

469
00:36:17.680 --> 00:36:23.280
you. For helping us to see men around us through your eyes,

470
00:36:23.280 --> 00:36:27.280
Lord, even in society when so many times people are struggling

471
00:36:27.280 --> 00:36:31.080
to know your truth. I pray that you would help men to see women

472
00:36:31.080 --> 00:36:35.080
the way that you have made them to be. And I thank you, God,

473
00:36:35.080 --> 00:36:38.800
that you would just continue to give us the courage to repent,

474
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:43.160
to turn our lives around to confess the things that still

475
00:36:43.160 --> 00:36:49.200
continue to keep us bound. We thank you, God, for Psalm 23. I'm

476
00:36:49.200 --> 00:36:52.440
gonna look that up because I feel like I need to read that. I

477
00:36:52.440 --> 00:36:55.760
know you guys probably know it, but I'm just sensing that I'm

478
00:36:55.760 --> 00:37:02.080
going to pause. I got to open my Bible app here. Give me one

479
00:37:02.080 --> 00:37:12.120
second. 23. All right. The Lord is my shepherd. I lack

480
00:37:12.120 --> 00:37:16.840
nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me

481
00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:22.000
besides quiet waters. He refreshes my soul. He guides me

482
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:26.920
along the right paths for his namesake. Even though I walk

483
00:37:26.920 --> 00:37:31.640
through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil. For you are

484
00:37:31.640 --> 00:37:36.360
with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare

485
00:37:36.360 --> 00:37:40.920
a table before me and the presence of my enemies. You

486
00:37:40.920 --> 00:37:46.160
invite my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely your goodness

487
00:37:46.160 --> 00:37:51.680
and love will follow me all the days of my life. And I will

488
00:37:51.680 --> 00:37:55.720
dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I'm gonna read that

489
00:37:55.720 --> 00:38:00.040
last verse again, verse six, surely your goodness and love

490
00:38:00.040 --> 00:38:05.560
will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the

491
00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:11.040
house of the Lord forever. How many of you actually have had

492
00:38:11.040 --> 00:38:14.200
things following you or you have believed negativity follows

493
00:38:14.200 --> 00:38:17.880
you or you know, these things that are not good are always

494
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:21.360
kind of on the heels of your life. I really want to encourage

495
00:38:21.360 --> 00:38:23.720
you to come out of alignment with that because that's a lie of

496
00:38:23.720 --> 00:38:28.440
the enemy because God in his goodness and his love is with

497
00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:31.280
you. And those are what are following you. But it's what we

498
00:38:31.280 --> 00:38:33.680
partner with. That's what we're going to believe what we focus

499
00:38:33.680 --> 00:38:37.960
on grows ladies. Okay, so just keep that in mind as you

500
00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:41.600
continue to go throughout this week. You know, are you and it

501
00:38:41.600 --> 00:38:44.560
doesn't mean we ignore the things that are happening. But we

502
00:38:44.560 --> 00:38:48.560
really want to pay attention to what we what we're allowing to

503
00:38:48.560 --> 00:38:53.240
have large spaces in our minds and to really cling to the truth

504
00:38:53.240 --> 00:39:02.480
of who God is. I'm going to go to another one because let me

505
00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:08.880
see if this. Yeah, I also am going to read Psalm 27 starting at

506
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:11.240
verse one. I might not read this whole thing. I'm just going to

507
00:39:11.240 --> 00:39:15.040
see how far we get here. Starting at verse one. This is what

508
00:39:15.040 --> 00:39:18.640
says the Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?

509
00:39:18.640 --> 00:39:22.400
The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid

510
00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:26.080
when the wicked advance against me to devour me it is my enemies

511
00:39:26.080 --> 00:39:30.240
and my foes who will stumble and fall though an army besiege me.

512
00:39:30.240 --> 00:39:36.560
So I get to close those rooms though an army besiege me. My

513
00:39:36.560 --> 00:39:40.680
heart will not fear the war break out against me even then I

514
00:39:40.680 --> 00:39:44.280
will be confident one thing I ask from the Lord this only do I

515
00:39:44.280 --> 00:39:48.160
seek that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of

516
00:39:48.160 --> 00:39:52.280
my life to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his

517
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:55.520
temple for in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his

518
00:39:55.520 --> 00:39:59.600
dwelling. He will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and

519
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:08.240
who surround me at his sacred tent. I will sacrifice with shouts of

520
00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:11.680
joy. I will sing and make music to the Lord. Here my voice when I

521
00:40:11.680 --> 00:40:15.600
call Lord be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you

522
00:40:15.600 --> 00:40:23.440
seek his face. Your face Lord, I will seek. That was Psalm 27 verse

523
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:27.120
one through eight. You all want to check that out pretty awesome.

524
00:40:27.120 --> 00:40:30.640
All right. Welcome back. So glad to have you all back for those of

525
00:40:30.640 --> 00:40:32.880
you that are brand new. When you come back and I'm just

526
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:37.520
talking away, I pray, I talk, I share whatever the Lord puts in my

527
00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:39.680
heart. So if you want to go back and listen to that,

528
00:40:39.680 --> 00:40:42.960
that started at about eight. Let's see you guys were in there for

529
00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:46.880
seven minutes. So probably around eight, 32-ish or so.

530
00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:51.280
So hopefully that'll bless you and pray that that, you know, is

531
00:40:51.280 --> 00:40:53.920
something that really uplifts your spirit and your soul.

532
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:56.880
All right. So Lisa is ready to go for those of you that are brand new

533
00:40:56.880 --> 00:41:01.200
when we come back from your breakouts. I do talk to you first

534
00:41:01.200 --> 00:41:04.160
real quick. I better not forget this about your activations.

535
00:41:04.160 --> 00:41:08.480
And so here they are for this week. I really want to encourage you to

536
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:11.440
create a post in the app. We'll last your single app under the

537
00:41:11.440 --> 00:41:15.520
community tab and just share something that you feel

538
00:41:15.520 --> 00:41:18.560
led to repent for, something you feel led to confess.

539
00:41:18.560 --> 00:41:22.320
Remember this. You do not have to share all the gory details, ladies.

540
00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:26.640
Okay. You don't. You can just tell us what it was.

541
00:41:26.640 --> 00:41:30.800
The goal is to allow God to free you from the things that are in the dark.

542
00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:34.160
Remember? And so I just want you all to know we've had

543
00:41:34.160 --> 00:41:38.320
ladies that have confessed abortions in here that never told anyone.

544
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:43.520
We've had ladies confess, you know, affairs that they had.

545
00:41:43.520 --> 00:41:46.880
We've had ladies confess that they had a relationship with a married man.

546
00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:50.960
Like just, I'm just saying to you, I want you to know like a lot of stuff has

547
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:55.280
been confessed in here. And we hold those with care and love.

548
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:59.840
I've never seen anyone judge anyone ever. And I've been doing this for five and

549
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:03.520
a half years. Okay. So and we're not going to start now.

550
00:42:03.520 --> 00:42:08.000
So I just want to encourage you if you've been through anything that you've

551
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:11.520
never told anyone, this is a safe place for you.

552
00:42:11.520 --> 00:42:16.640
Okay. Super important. All right. So that is the activation for this week.

553
00:42:16.640 --> 00:42:20.080
And then to go have fun. I said that in housekeeping. If you didn't hear me say

554
00:42:20.080 --> 00:42:22.960
that earlier, I want you to practice having fun this week. Okay.

555
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:28.000
All right, Lisa, I would love to hear what you have to say.

556
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:33.120
Okay. This is a really big one for me. To be honest with you, like

557
00:42:33.120 --> 00:42:38.640
I'm probably going to cry. I think I just made a huge connection to my

558
00:42:38.640 --> 00:42:46.640
and I don't know. I think it's I think it's the role of it.

559
00:42:46.640 --> 00:42:50.480
I think I think my connection is correct. Okay.

560
00:42:50.480 --> 00:42:53.360
But I so I came up for me when you were

561
00:42:53.360 --> 00:43:00.880
talking and naming off different things that people might have issues with.

562
00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:05.280
I there were three or four that came up for me three.

563
00:43:05.280 --> 00:43:11.760
And one of them was authority issues. And I thought about it. I'm like, well,

564
00:43:11.760 --> 00:43:15.840
who do I have? Who do I have authority issues with?

565
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:21.760
And I was like in general, it's women. And then I'm like, why is that?

566
00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:26.560
And immediately I just like I wrote down to ask God, but then like right after

567
00:43:26.560 --> 00:43:33.440
that I was like, it's my mom. It's my mom because my mom left when I was 15.

568
00:43:33.440 --> 00:43:37.440
And she delegated my dad to tell me about the divorce.

569
00:43:37.440 --> 00:43:42.320
And she just left. And I think what I noticed,

570
00:43:42.320 --> 00:43:45.680
like I don't know why I'm crying so much. I just think this is the word, you know,

571
00:43:45.680 --> 00:43:50.400
and there's just a lot underneath there. But I think what it is for me is like

572
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:55.120
what I notice with my mom is like, I don't really open up to her very much

573
00:43:55.120 --> 00:43:59.440
about my personal life. I do a lot more now than I ever have.

574
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:03.600
When we've grown a lot, we're much better than we've ever been, you know.

575
00:44:03.600 --> 00:44:10.240
But I tend to just negate whatever she has to say to me.

576
00:44:10.240 --> 00:44:14.400
And I know, I think it's really a very subconscious thing.

577
00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:17.760
I've never felt like I'm maliciously mindful they did it.

578
00:44:17.760 --> 00:44:21.360
But what it seems like for me, like when I thought about it more,

579
00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:24.960
is that I think there's a part of me because when you said,

580
00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:29.600
I don't know what you said Bethany, but you said normally underneath that there's a wound attached.

581
00:44:29.600 --> 00:44:33.360
And I was like, when I thought about it more, I was like, oh,

582
00:44:33.360 --> 00:44:36.400
I think I negate her because I'm like, well, you are never there for me.

583
00:44:36.400 --> 00:44:40.960
So you don't get to speak into my life. Like there's just this wall up of like,

584
00:44:40.960 --> 00:44:45.760
I don't even care what you have to say. I don't even know.

585
00:44:45.760 --> 00:44:49.600
Like you know what I mean? It's like pretty harsh.

586
00:44:49.600 --> 00:44:53.440
You know, I'm not saying everything she says to me that I negate, you know,

587
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:59.440
but I tend to really think that I know better than her and that she really doesn't have.

588
00:45:02.600 --> 00:45:03.640
I didn't live with my parents.

589
00:45:03.640 --> 00:45:04.720
My last year was a high school.

590
00:45:04.720 --> 00:45:10.080
She wasn't around and I was, she would call, she was crying.

591
00:45:10.080 --> 00:45:11.080
I'm supporting her.

592
00:45:11.080 --> 00:45:12.880
Like the rules were really reversed.

593
00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:15.240
And then I went for like a whole year.

594
00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:17.040
I didn't even see her for a whole year.

595
00:45:17.040 --> 00:45:20.840
And then one, at one point, like didn't talk to her for a whole six months.

596
00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:25.400
So that was right after I graduated high school and I went to go live with my dad

597
00:45:25.400 --> 00:45:29.240
because my dad got a job promotion when three months after my mom left.

598
00:45:29.240 --> 00:45:32.640
So anyway, they lived, you know, like two hours from me.

599
00:45:32.640 --> 00:45:35.320
And I lived in my hometown with a different family.

600
00:45:35.320 --> 00:45:38.920
So, um, I know I've shared this before, but for those of you who don't know,

601
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:42.480
not that you need to know, but there's kind of that's the gist of that.

602
00:45:42.480 --> 00:45:48.200
So I think that what's interesting too, is I remember on some other call a long time ago.

603
00:45:48.200 --> 00:45:55.520
Um, I have been, I was talking about a job and how like just, I don't remember.

604
00:45:55.520 --> 00:45:58.680
I don't know why it came up, but I just remember.

605
00:45:59.520 --> 00:46:03.560
Um, the gist of that conversation was like, you know, we're like.

606
00:46:03.560 --> 00:46:10.120
Just, I've had women bosses that have just been horrible to me, like, just unbelievable.

607
00:46:10.120 --> 00:46:14.000
And I remember you saying Bethany, like, wow, that is something because that's like a root.

608
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:16.600
I didn't make the connection to this.

609
00:46:16.600 --> 00:46:21.400
I didn't, I don't, I, they could very well be related.

610
00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:24.480
I'm like, am I attracting someone who's just going to abuse me?

611
00:46:24.480 --> 00:46:26.760
I don't know, but my mom was not abusive.

612
00:46:26.760 --> 00:46:38.640
So I don't, I don't really know if they're even connected or not, but, and I, and I didn't get, you know, they didn't treat me the way they treated me because I was like dismissing them or saying anything.

613
00:46:38.640 --> 00:46:42.240
They on their own did something just completely like unacceptable.

614
00:46:42.240 --> 00:46:53.920
So I don't really know what's going on, but, um, and, but one thing I do recognize, Bethany is that, um, it was a few coaching calls before.

615
00:46:54.320 --> 00:47:00.600
And you were talking to me and, and I don't even remember exactly the word you said, but I did not forget it.

616
00:47:00.600 --> 00:47:16.600
And I just remember you saying, you know, Lisa, I, I don't know how you said this, but the gist of it was, is that sometimes when you would coach me, I would be like, Oh, no, no, like, I already know.

617
00:47:16.600 --> 00:47:19.440
Or something like that, right?

618
00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:22.240
And then I, I had to kind of repeat it to you.

619
00:47:22.240 --> 00:47:23.680
Because I was like, Oh, I do.

620
00:47:23.680 --> 00:47:27.280
Oh, so you're saying I do this, you know, like, I didn't recognize it.

621
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:38.880
And so what's interesting to me is I'm making now, for the first time in my entire life, a potential connection with my mom of like, like, Oh, I already know better.

622
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:43.480
Yes, that's not my heart to dismiss anybody.

623
00:47:43.480 --> 00:47:51.720
You know what I'm saying, but, and it's not that there has to be a reason for, you know, I don't want it to sound just like I'm justifying something.

624
00:47:51.720 --> 00:47:57.160
I don't even, this is honestly so new to me in making this, connecting these dots.

625
00:47:57.160 --> 00:48:00.200
But when I say it out loud, it makes perfect sense.

626
00:48:00.200 --> 00:48:01.920
Like, I'm like, it totally makes sense.

627
00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:06.160
Yeah, I think you are like absolutely onto something here.

628
00:48:06.160 --> 00:48:21.680
Even when you said the word negate, and then you just now connected it to dismissive, you know, we don't realize when we choose, like even subconsciously, like how you're saying, like, I'm not necessarily trying.

629
00:48:21.680 --> 00:48:33.080
To negate the things my mom is saying, but it's just something that's been happening, right, because our subconscious is always in fight or protect your mode, when we don't feel safe around certain people, okay.

630
00:48:33.080 --> 00:48:47.840
And so I genuinely think that you're still in process regard, even though you guys have come a long way, internally, remember, we got to go back to the girl that was hurt, the 15 year old girl.

631
00:48:47.840 --> 00:48:57.840
Okay, so that's who we need to love like that's who you're going to get a little feedback, let me just mute you for a sec, just don't get a bunch of feedback.

632
00:48:57.840 --> 00:49:15.400
So you're going to have to love on that the 15 year old girl that was abandoned and left, because that 15 year old girl is who chose like some kind of inner vowel Lisa I think is what's going to get revealed, some kind of inner vowel that you made.

633
00:49:15.400 --> 00:49:29.400
And I'm just going to put a couple things out there, they may not resonate, but it hopefully will help you kind of go in the direction of maybe what is internally on the inside of you, but like sometimes when our parents do things that are hurtful.

634
00:49:29.400 --> 00:49:37.400
We will, you know, inner vowel would be something like, I'm never going to let them hurt me again. Okay, that's kind of a broader one.

635
00:49:37.400 --> 00:49:45.400
But sometimes we'll say things like, I'm never going to listen to them ever again, or I do not respect them at all.

636
00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:55.400
I don't like, I don't like what they did. I don't respect them. And I'm like, I'm never, especially in the role reversal, when you are having to kind of be the parent.

637
00:49:55.400 --> 00:49:59.960
It's still gonna sometimes feel like you're in that parent role because you may not have a

638
00:50:08.440 --> 00:50:11.240
You see what I'm saying?

639
00:50:11.240 --> 00:50:15.940
And so I want to encourage you to really pray into this a little more.

640
00:50:15.940 --> 00:50:21.080
Even though you've healed from this a lot, ladies, this is why it's so important in your

641
00:50:21.080 --> 00:50:25.720
healing process to understand that it's going to happen in layers.

642
00:50:25.720 --> 00:50:28.740
Lisa said something really important.

643
00:50:28.740 --> 00:50:34.320
She's made some connections already, but she didn't make this connection until tonight.

644
00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:40.780
Well, the Lord has been guiding her to show her these different pieces of ways that her,

645
00:50:40.780 --> 00:50:45.360
like she was kind of rebelling without even realizing it to lead her to the point where

646
00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:50.480
now she's ready to receive this additional information because he loves her so much.

647
00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:54.600
If he had just given her all of this stuff about her mom, I really believe this.

648
00:50:54.600 --> 00:50:58.480
If he had given this to you out of the gate, I don't know if you would have been ready

649
00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:00.200
for it, right?

650
00:51:00.200 --> 00:51:01.600
And so he loves you.

651
00:51:01.600 --> 00:51:05.520
And here's the other thing I was thinking about as you were talking about your mom and

652
00:51:05.520 --> 00:51:07.920
the word in a gate really stood out to me.

653
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:10.680
That was so clear to me when you said it.

654
00:51:10.680 --> 00:51:15.000
And so I really even wanted you to look that word up like the definition of it, even though

655
00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:19.880
we know, okay, it partners with dismissive, let's look it up.

656
00:51:19.880 --> 00:51:28.920
And then literally write a statement where you're going to come out of agreement with

657
00:51:28.920 --> 00:51:32.640
negating your mom or any other words that when you look up the definition that kind

658
00:51:32.640 --> 00:51:39.120
of fit in there, dismissing your mom and that you're going to come into agreement with

659
00:51:39.120 --> 00:51:46.560
being kind to your mom when she says things to you, that you're going to come into agreement

660
00:51:46.560 --> 00:51:53.040
with God healing your relationship when you were 15, you know, whatever, you'll have to

661
00:51:53.040 --> 00:51:57.080
write your own statement, but I'm just trying to give you ideas of what to come out of alignment

662
00:51:57.080 --> 00:51:59.480
with and then to come into alignment.

663
00:51:59.480 --> 00:52:01.680
And here's the core.

664
00:52:01.680 --> 00:52:07.920
When we come into alignment with a truth statement, ladies, we want to remember that it is about

665
00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:13.320
trusting God as our defender, okay?

666
00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:15.320
God is Lisa's defender.

667
00:52:15.320 --> 00:52:20.640
God was Lisa's defender back when she's 15 to, but her 15 year old self that was getting

668
00:52:20.640 --> 00:52:25.160
massively traumatized, the enemy came right in and lied to her.

669
00:52:25.160 --> 00:52:29.920
And so she kind of went in, you know, those self preservation techniques that we, we get

670
00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:31.560
in protector mode.

671
00:52:31.560 --> 00:52:35.480
And so I just kind of, I don't know why I keep doing this, but what just came up in

672
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:39.920
my spirit is almost like, I just hear the Lord saying, it's okay to take your boxing

673
00:52:39.920 --> 00:52:42.280
gloves down.

674
00:52:42.280 --> 00:52:47.180
And not that you were trying to, but like, you know, that's kind of how we are internally.

675
00:52:47.180 --> 00:52:51.560
When I resonate so much with what you said, because that's how I was with my dad all the

676
00:52:51.560 --> 00:52:52.560
time.

677
00:52:52.560 --> 00:52:57.960
There was nothing he could ever say that I was going to listen to because he left.

678
00:52:57.960 --> 00:52:59.120
He never came back.

679
00:52:59.120 --> 00:53:00.880
He didn't even know my birthday.

680
00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:03.700
Like I was just like, you're not even a dad.

681
00:53:03.700 --> 00:53:06.160
Like what are you trying to talk to me about?

682
00:53:06.160 --> 00:53:11.360
Like that is literally the, you know, how I felt in my heart and I had to really pray.

683
00:53:11.360 --> 00:53:15.120
Now there were a lot of things my, my dad might be different than your mom.

684
00:53:15.120 --> 00:53:19.160
My dad actually didn't give very good advice.

685
00:53:19.160 --> 00:53:22.600
And so sometimes was giving very unwise advice.

686
00:53:22.600 --> 00:53:29.960
And so it was okay that I wasn't necessarily doing what he was saying, but my heart posture,

687
00:53:29.960 --> 00:53:36.320
that was the problem because I was belittling him in my mind and in my heart.

688
00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:38.040
Does that make sense everyone?

689
00:53:38.040 --> 00:53:39.560
All right.

690
00:53:39.560 --> 00:53:43.320
So praying to that a little more, let us know how that goes.

691
00:53:43.320 --> 00:53:46.800
I'm really excited for you because I know your mom and you have already gone through

692
00:53:46.800 --> 00:53:51.360
a lot of healing, but I feel like this is going to set you free in a lot of other areas.

693
00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:57.360
Like kind of like that kind of final piece to the puzzle, if you will, I really do.

694
00:53:57.360 --> 00:54:00.720
And you asked the question about the work, we won't get into that too much tonight, but

695
00:54:00.720 --> 00:54:05.200
I will tell you that number one, it's not your fault.

696
00:54:05.200 --> 00:54:09.720
Okay, these people that have been attracted to your life that have been, you know, doing

697
00:54:09.720 --> 00:54:14.760
this stuff, but I really genuinely think that this additional healing you're doing, it's

698
00:54:14.760 --> 00:54:16.360
going to break that cycle for you.

699
00:54:16.360 --> 00:54:21.160
I really think change is coming in those areas, but that can happen.

700
00:54:21.160 --> 00:54:22.160
Yeah.

701
00:54:22.160 --> 00:54:26.560
So great job sharing that was, I feel like again, I can't wait to hear what happens

702
00:54:26.560 --> 00:54:27.560
with this.

703
00:54:27.560 --> 00:54:28.960
Appreciate you so much.

704
00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:32.760
Yeah, definitely just one last question on the tail end of that.

705
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:35.480
What did you mean when you said, but that can happen?

706
00:54:35.480 --> 00:54:43.880
You mean like the job thing can shift to from just saying people can be drawn to us because

707
00:54:43.880 --> 00:54:53.240
we have bitterness and on some level are dismissive towards people because think about it, dismissive

708
00:54:53.240 --> 00:54:56.760
and negating people is rooted in bitterness and resentment.

709
00:54:56.760 --> 00:54:57.760
Okay.

710
00:54:57.760 --> 00:54:58.760
That's why we do it.

711
00:54:58.760 --> 00:54:59.760
Okay.

712
00:55:03.960 --> 00:55:08.200
what is drawing those same kind of people to us. It's the same

713
00:55:08.200 --> 00:55:11.520
thing is when Jackie talks about, you know, walls attract

714
00:55:11.520 --> 00:55:15.800
thieves. You know, when we have these walls that it's going to

715
00:55:15.800 --> 00:55:20.600
attract these really unhealthy people to us. And so it's not

716
00:55:20.600 --> 00:55:23.880
something we have to be afraid of. It's it's kind of like, I

717
00:55:23.880 --> 00:55:27.600
think I said at one point before, when I started dating again,

718
00:55:27.600 --> 00:55:30.160
there were unhealthy guys that came my way. But you know what,

719
00:55:30.160 --> 00:55:33.600
I didn't blow past red flags anymore. And so some of us,

720
00:55:33.600 --> 00:55:39.040
unfortunately, even myself included, like I've noticed that

721
00:55:39.040 --> 00:55:44.080
I tend to, in the past, I tended to be drawn to workplaces

722
00:55:44.080 --> 00:55:49.640
where like, they would just overwork me and I would just let

723
00:55:49.640 --> 00:55:53.000
them. And they would never give me a promotion. I would just

724
00:55:53.000 --> 00:55:56.240
keep working and working and working my guts out. And so

725
00:55:56.240 --> 00:55:59.120
basically, being a giver, being a giver, same thing in my

726
00:55:59.120 --> 00:56:01.080
relationships, I would give that I would give that and they would

727
00:56:01.080 --> 00:56:04.400
just keep taking and they would keep taking. And I just wasn't

728
00:56:04.400 --> 00:56:06.880
setting boundaries in either place. And so I had to really

729
00:56:06.880 --> 00:56:10.720
learn how to start setting boundaries even in the workplace.

730
00:56:10.720 --> 00:56:13.880
And it really changed things for me. Yeah.

731
00:56:13.880 --> 00:56:16.800
Thank you.

732
00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:21.360
You're welcome for sure so much. Good question. Melissa, go

733
00:56:21.360 --> 00:56:30.600
ahead. What I was talking about in mine was how sometimes I get

734
00:56:30.600 --> 00:56:34.640
like, sexual related questions. And so then I start googling

735
00:56:34.640 --> 00:56:38.240
things, especially like late at night. And then it just leads

736
00:56:38.240 --> 00:56:42.000
one thing to another. And then I start doing things with myself

737
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:47.640
that I wasn't planning on doing. And and then I end up feeling

738
00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:53.040
feeling guilt. And like I've been up up too late a lot of times

739
00:56:53.040 --> 00:56:58.720
lately, either looking stuff up or doing thing. And then so one

740
00:56:58.720 --> 00:57:01.520
thing that was we were talking about too is just like, okay,

741
00:57:01.520 --> 00:57:05.600
well, why? Why? And then like, I've got this costochondritis

742
00:57:05.600 --> 00:57:10.160
stuff that like I've been having this pain. And so like a couple

743
00:57:10.160 --> 00:57:13.120
of times I've even done that. And then it's like hurt more

744
00:57:13.120 --> 00:57:16.080
afterwards when it was starting to heal. And so like, okay, this

745
00:57:16.080 --> 00:57:19.080
is not what I should be doing, especially right now. And so it

746
00:57:19.080 --> 00:57:23.040
was like, this, like, I have a heart, what I realized is that I

747
00:57:23.040 --> 00:57:25.920
have a hard time telling myself, no, like, I don't know how to tell

748
00:57:25.920 --> 00:57:30.080
myself, no. And that I'm not good at I've known for a long time

749
00:57:30.080 --> 00:57:36.560
that I'm not good at self control, either. So yeah, which I

750
00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:38.640
probably shouldn't say I'm good at it. But yeah,

751
00:57:38.640 --> 00:57:43.200
you everything you said was perfectly okay. This is what I

752
00:57:43.200 --> 00:57:48.240
said earlier. This is how healing begins, ladies. Okay. When

753
00:57:48.240 --> 00:57:51.760
we're healthy, and we admit what's really a struggle for us.

754
00:57:51.760 --> 00:57:55.480
Okay. And so number one, one of the first things you're gonna have

755
00:57:55.480 --> 00:57:58.920
to start doing Melissa is stop telling yourself that you have

756
00:57:58.920 --> 00:58:03.360
a hard time, like having self control. And I know that sounds

757
00:58:03.360 --> 00:58:07.880
like such a simple thing, but I used to say the same thing. And

758
00:58:07.880 --> 00:58:10.760
God really started showing me that I needed, you know, ladies,

759
00:58:11.680 --> 00:58:15.280
if we want to grow in the fruits of the spirit, we should pursue

760
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:19.480
them. We should practice them. Okay. Well, how do we do that?

761
00:58:19.480 --> 00:58:22.520
We start learning about them in the word. So one of the things I

762
00:58:22.520 --> 00:58:25.200
started doing was I started praying over the spirit of self

763
00:58:25.200 --> 00:58:28.360
control. But I can walk in the fruit of the spirit of self

764
00:58:28.360 --> 00:58:31.600
control. And I just started claiming that over myself. And I

765
00:58:31.600 --> 00:58:35.040
just resisted and rejected any thoughts that I could not

766
00:58:35.040 --> 00:58:38.000
control myself because that was not true. Because you know, why

767
00:58:38.120 --> 00:58:42.600
because God put his spirit inside of us. He put his spirit

768
00:58:42.600 --> 00:58:46.320
inside of us. He's already in there. So if we partner with

769
00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:52.200
him, he will enable us. He will enable us to be able to say no.

770
00:58:52.200 --> 00:58:55.160
And so one of the ways that showed up for me when we were

771
00:58:55.160 --> 00:58:59.640
dating and getting way closer to we were engaged at this point.

772
00:58:59.640 --> 00:59:03.920
We had to literally I had to say to Brian, like, I can't

773
00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:07.800
cuddle with you like at all. Because it's making me want all

774
00:59:07.800 --> 00:59:13.200
kinds of things that I don't need to want right now. And so, you

775
00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:17.880
know, we just didn't we set a boundary at that point. And one

776
00:59:17.880 --> 00:59:22.960
of the things we did is we didn't stay late past dark to too

777
00:59:22.960 --> 00:59:27.640
much past dark at each other's houses. And so we put a lot of

778
00:59:27.640 --> 00:59:31.120
good firm boundaries in place. And that was a game changer. Now,

779
00:59:31.120 --> 00:59:35.640
when you're alone, how can you do this? You know, maybe if you

780
00:59:35.640 --> 00:59:38.720
live with a roommate, leave your door open, you know, be

781
00:59:38.720 --> 00:59:41.960
accountable on some level, have an accountability partner that

782
00:59:41.960 --> 00:59:45.320
you're talking to, not someone who's religious, but someone who

783
00:59:45.320 --> 00:59:48.240
is going to hold you accountable, but love you, where you have

784
00:59:48.240 --> 00:59:52.720
that ability to talk to them. I would also say one of the biggest

785
00:59:52.720 --> 00:59:59.840
things is I feel like some of us, okay, we might say, okay, someone

786
01:00:06.320 --> 01:00:16.640
some of us want to go there. Let's just be honest. Okay. And so we have to decide before we even

787
01:00:16.640 --> 01:00:22.320
encounter a person with their questions or even like I said with the girl's dad when he would like

788
01:00:22.320 --> 01:00:26.480
he literally you all he literally would show like I would come out of the bathroom at his house

789
01:00:26.480 --> 01:00:35.440
sometimes and he would be like buck naked. Just naked. And then I would say no and he like would

790
01:00:35.440 --> 01:00:45.600
freak out. It was horrible. But I had to learn that I mattered. And that was inappropriate.

791
01:00:45.600 --> 01:00:53.840
And you know and so I had to start with me. I had to start with okay like how can I get to the

792
01:00:53.840 --> 01:00:59.920
root of why I'm wanting this attention. You know not in that situation obviously but like there were

793
01:00:59.920 --> 01:01:05.840
times I wanted attention from men. You know I can remember being in college and just wearing like

794
01:01:05.840 --> 01:01:10.320
you know a top that you know wasn't see through the top but the midriff was see through. I was

795
01:01:10.320 --> 01:01:17.520
wanting attention that I didn't need. And so even as an adult later just kind of thinking about you

796
01:01:17.520 --> 01:01:23.360
know we know we know even when we flirt in a way that's sexual when we shouldn't. And so

797
01:01:23.360 --> 01:01:30.800
brutal honesty with yourself is going to be key. Okay. And then really praying like I said and

798
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:36.960
asking the Lord to help you and not forgetting that he really will help you. I'm having those

799
01:01:36.960 --> 01:01:41.120
accountability you know factors in place is going to be big too. Okay.

800
01:01:42.800 --> 01:01:49.600
Okay. Yeah I do live by myself so. Okay. Yeah so you might you might yeah you might have to have

801
01:01:49.600 --> 01:01:56.480
a friend or a mentor that can kind of just walk with you in this journey. You know Covenant

802
01:01:56.480 --> 01:02:02.560
Eyes has a ton of resources ladies where you can put stuff on your phones to help you if you

803
01:02:02.560 --> 01:02:07.600
struggle with pornography on any level. There are so many resources out there helping and not that

804
01:02:07.600 --> 01:02:12.480
that's what you were saying Melissa but I just am sharing for everybody. But there's a lot of

805
01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:17.440
resources out there to help us. And so it's important for us to find those and use them

806
01:02:17.440 --> 01:02:23.920
and not keep staying in the cycle that we've been in. But again loving ourselves is the root

807
01:02:23.920 --> 01:02:31.520
there. You know really key is I had to learn to love myself and believe and confess to myself

808
01:02:31.520 --> 01:02:39.200
that I could be self-controlled. While that got broken as a kid I could learn as an adult how to

809
01:02:39.200 --> 01:02:46.880
repair that with God's help. Okay. So if I can do it I know that you all can do it too because it

810
01:02:46.880 --> 01:02:52.800
was really hard for me. It really was. But I learned how to do it. I learned how to say no to the people

811
01:02:52.800 --> 01:02:59.840
that were trying to lead me into sin and I learned how to value myself and honor my body. Yeah I really

812
01:02:59.840 --> 01:03:03.680
did. And so we'll be praying for you Melissa. Thank you so much for your courage and sharing.

813
01:03:05.120 --> 01:03:10.960
Yeah you're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. Beth go ahead.

814
01:03:10.960 --> 01:03:20.560
The best service so hopefully you can hear me but a couple things and these sort of came up

815
01:03:20.560 --> 01:03:29.680
yesterday and then it kind of can start your about tonight. But I feel like sometimes I struggle with

816
01:03:29.680 --> 01:03:35.440
like sexual thoughts that come when I'm not trying to think about it. And

817
01:03:35.440 --> 01:03:44.160
like I really have worked on like renewing my mind and boundaries and all that stuff like but

818
01:03:44.160 --> 01:03:55.760
it's like when I'm at church and there's men around me that like are are just kind loving men that

819
01:03:55.760 --> 01:04:02.880
are giving me appropriate hugs or you know loving me like a father or a brother and it's like

820
01:04:02.880 --> 01:04:11.200
oh it's like thoughts will come in that make it that want to make it twisted and I know it's not.

821
01:04:11.200 --> 01:04:18.160
And I know that in high school something that came up in the call yesterday was like

822
01:04:19.440 --> 01:04:28.160
how in high school they they really pushed like in my youth group that physical touch and all this

823
01:04:28.160 --> 01:04:37.440
stuff like leads to sexual promissivity. And I think lines got blurred for me where now everything

824
01:04:37.440 --> 01:04:48.560
feels impure. Yeah well I hate that that happened because yeah I totally can see why. There's a lot

825
01:04:48.560 --> 01:04:53.920
of people even Jackie's talked about the I kissed dating goodbye that whole generation

826
01:04:53.920 --> 01:04:59.840
you know we just became so afraid. I remember even in my

827
01:05:05.280 --> 01:05:07.880
And if you were a bikini, you would cause men to sin.

828
01:05:07.880 --> 01:05:13.680
And so I became literally so afraid to ever wear even a bathing suit.

829
01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:15.440
I became afraid to go to the beach.

830
01:05:15.440 --> 01:05:17.520
Like it became very extreme for me.

831
01:05:17.520 --> 01:05:20.520
Um, and so I have been there.

832
01:05:20.520 --> 01:05:23.040
I, I've had to walk out of that stuff too.

833
01:05:23.040 --> 01:05:27.600
And so just want to encourage you that, you know, number one, this is the enemy

834
01:05:27.600 --> 01:05:28.200
attacking you.

835
01:05:28.200 --> 01:05:29.320
I'm confident in that.

836
01:05:29.360 --> 01:05:33.400
OK, the way that you're saying it's happening, this isn't necessarily your

837
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:37.080
own thoughts, not that you thought that, but I just want everyone to kind of hear.

838
01:05:37.080 --> 01:05:41.000
When we are in an environment, I, I was sitting literally, I was talking to my

839
01:05:41.000 --> 01:05:45.360
husband about this like a month ago, we were literally in a Bible study group.

840
01:05:45.360 --> 01:05:51.800
And this probably been three months ago now, maybe, literally, we are talking

841
01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:52.720
about the Bible.

842
01:05:52.720 --> 01:05:55.440
I am not thinking about anything sexual.

843
01:05:56.080 --> 01:05:59.880
And all of a sudden, I just started getting like this onslaught of things

844
01:05:59.880 --> 01:06:04.600
coming to my mind that I literally, even in my daytime would never even think about.

845
01:06:04.600 --> 01:06:11.120
And I told him I was like, it happened more than once in this, there were similar

846
01:06:11.120 --> 01:06:12.360
people in the room.

847
01:06:12.360 --> 01:06:19.280
And so what I know now is that what God has shown me is I was picking up on a spirit

848
01:06:19.280 --> 01:06:21.840
of lust that actually was attached to someone else in the room.

849
01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:28.320
Um, but because of that, it was causing all this stuff to be activated in my mind.

850
01:06:28.320 --> 01:06:31.880
Um, and the enemy was really assaulting me.

851
01:06:31.880 --> 01:06:37.640
And so I want you to understand ladies, even sometimes in your dreams, every dream

852
01:06:37.640 --> 01:06:39.160
you have is not from God.

853
01:06:39.160 --> 01:06:44.880
OK, sometimes the enemy is going to try to come into your dreams, pray over your

854
01:06:44.880 --> 01:06:45.920
mind before you sleep.

855
01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:49.120
I would encourage you, um, Beth, pray over your mind.

856
01:06:49.120 --> 01:06:49.560
OK.

857
01:06:50.800 --> 01:06:52.560
I know you have been, but keep doing it.

858
01:06:52.560 --> 01:06:53.600
You're doing a good job.

859
01:06:53.600 --> 01:06:55.160
You may even want to.

860
01:06:55.160 --> 01:06:59.440
Sorry, I'm having the same thing happen tonight that happened last night.

861
01:06:59.440 --> 01:07:00.960
It's starting to get a certain time, I guess.

862
01:07:00.960 --> 01:07:06.000
You may even want to consider getting, um, like I ordered, for instance, in

863
01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:12.400
my oil, um, from Israel and I literally anoint myself on occasion and just pray

864
01:07:12.400 --> 01:07:15.080
over my mind, that might be something you want to consider.

865
01:07:15.080 --> 01:07:18.920
Um, and not because you're not doing a good enough job, but I really do believe

866
01:07:18.920 --> 01:07:22.040
in oil, I believe in the healing properties of it.

867
01:07:22.040 --> 01:07:25.480
You know, the Bible talks about, you know, the kings that took the

868
01:07:25.480 --> 01:07:28.640
frankincense and myrrh to baby Jesus.

869
01:07:28.640 --> 01:07:30.720
I don't think that was by accident.

870
01:07:30.720 --> 01:07:36.360
Anyway, sidebar on that, but Beth, I think you're on to something with the youth

871
01:07:36.360 --> 01:07:41.720
group and just being taught this unhealthy emphasis on if you touch at all.

872
01:07:41.720 --> 01:07:43.120
You're, you're this, you're that.

873
01:07:43.120 --> 01:07:48.680
Um, but here's what it's happening when kind men are treating you really good.

874
01:07:48.680 --> 01:07:53.960
And you're actually getting an example of really goodness and kindness in men.

875
01:07:53.960 --> 01:07:56.680
And so that's interesting to me as well.

876
01:07:56.680 --> 01:08:01.360
It could just be the youth group thing, but I'm also wondering if there were any

877
01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:05.800
additional things talked about in your home because of what your church taught,

878
01:08:05.800 --> 01:08:11.640
um, that maybe emphasize that more in your spirit, you know, that kind of really

879
01:08:11.640 --> 01:08:14.760
helped that to become a stronghold.

880
01:08:14.880 --> 01:08:21.000
And so just be praying into that a stronghold is formed when we partner with

881
01:08:21.000 --> 01:08:26.960
alive, like one time, and then it happens again, and we partner with it again.

882
01:08:26.960 --> 01:08:28.880
And then it happens again, and we partner with it again.

883
01:08:28.880 --> 01:08:31.359
And it basically starts building, building, building, right?

884
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:35.600
And that's where it starts to become more fortified every time we start to believe

885
01:08:35.600 --> 01:08:40.479
it. So for example, and again, I don't know that any of this happened, but I'm

886
01:08:40.479 --> 01:08:43.720
hoping this will help you as you kind of think and pray.

887
01:08:43.720 --> 01:08:46.040
Remember, you don't have to figure it out, okay?

888
01:08:46.040 --> 01:08:51.800
Let God show you and the same thing for Melissa, let God guide your, you know,

889
01:08:51.800 --> 01:08:55.160
seeking and asking and knocking about, you know, what this is.

890
01:08:55.160 --> 01:09:00.160
But sometimes even if you're taught in a, like something like that, that is that

891
01:09:00.160 --> 01:09:09.240
extreme, that if a boy did kiss you or you did hold someone's hand and then gotten

892
01:09:09.240 --> 01:09:13.160
trouble for it or something, or you saw someone else getting trouble for it.

893
01:09:13.439 --> 01:09:16.720
All of that kind of stuff can continue to build on that stronghold.

894
01:09:16.720 --> 01:09:17.680
Does that make sense?

895
01:09:17.680 --> 01:09:23.000
Did anything like that happen that kind of added to that for you as a kid?

896
01:09:23.000 --> 01:09:30.479
Um, well, there was another memory that came up at the same time yesterday,

897
01:09:30.479 --> 01:09:33.720
which was when I was, I think I was about 15.

898
01:09:33.720 --> 01:09:36.680
So it was around the same time I was in youth group and they were teaching this

899
01:09:36.680 --> 01:09:40.680
stuff. And I, I was in some kind of conversation with my mom and my older

900
01:09:40.680 --> 01:09:45.439
sister, they gave us purity rings when we turned 15, I think.

901
01:09:45.439 --> 01:09:48.760
And, um, or I might have been at even 13.

902
01:09:48.760 --> 01:09:54.320
I don't remember, but, um, and my mom was telling me that she had had an

903
01:09:54.320 --> 01:09:57.360
abortion and I had no knowledge of that prior to that.

904
01:09:57.360 --> 01:10:00.000
And I had said some,

905
01:10:07.600 --> 01:10:13.920
or something. And my sister like laughed and said, "You're not going to date. You're going to court."

906
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:20.240
And I was like, "What? What do you mean? Like, what is that?" And my mom was like, "Well, you're

907
01:10:20.240 --> 01:10:26.240
going to have to get your dad's permission." And I remember in that moment, I didn't consciously

908
01:10:26.240 --> 01:10:34.720
think this, but now I already had this understanding that if I had to ask my dad about something,

909
01:10:34.720 --> 01:10:40.080
the answer was going to be no. And that he didn't care about what I wanted.

910
01:10:40.080 --> 01:10:45.840
And so I think there's something in there with that as well.

911
01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:52.240
Yeah, they're for sure is because I can hear the emotion in you when you're talking. And ladies,

912
01:10:52.240 --> 01:10:55.440
when I say that, when I point that stuff out, don't ever hold that stuff back because it's

913
01:10:55.440 --> 01:11:02.560
really important information, okay? So Beth, your getting your emotion that needs healing

914
01:11:02.560 --> 01:11:08.560
is being revealed right now. So while the stuff with a couple of things,

915
01:11:08.560 --> 01:11:13.040
have you ever forgiven your mom for the abortion she had?

916
01:11:13.040 --> 01:11:21.280
I don't know that I've ever thought to you. I think you need to probably do that.

917
01:11:22.160 --> 01:11:25.920
Even though that might have been long before you were alive, and I would encourage you to

918
01:11:25.920 --> 01:11:32.000
pray into asking the Lord to bring back to your memory any thoughts that you had about your mom

919
01:11:32.000 --> 01:11:40.240
when she told you that, okay? I feel like that's connected because sometimes what can happen to

920
01:11:40.240 --> 01:11:45.840
is when we find stuff like that that happened, when we find that out, it also can give us a wrong

921
01:11:45.840 --> 01:11:53.360
impression about sex, okay? And depending on what was conveyed about her story that could have added

922
01:11:53.360 --> 01:11:59.920
to that, then I wouldn't want to encourage you to forgive your sister for laughing when you said

923
01:11:59.920 --> 01:12:05.760
when I get a boyfriend, maybe don't focus so much on the tail end of that right now. You might have

924
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:10.880
to step into the other stuff later, but right now we're going to work on forgiving mom for having

925
01:12:10.880 --> 01:12:17.600
an abortion, forgive your sister for laughing when you said when I get a boyfriend, and then dad.

926
01:12:17.600 --> 01:12:24.640
So for start with just what you said tonight, you're going to start with forgiving your dad for,

927
01:12:24.640 --> 01:12:32.400
I forget exactly how you said it. Like not caring about what I want. Yes,

928
01:12:32.400 --> 01:12:37.360
that is where the emotion came from. And let's see what else gets revealed with that.

929
01:12:38.240 --> 01:12:43.920
I think the other stuff, the sexual thoughts, I think that will come with time, the healing from

930
01:12:43.920 --> 01:12:49.440
that, you're going to get stronger in your mind. But we need to unpack the deeper things that just

931
01:12:49.440 --> 01:12:55.280
came out from talking a little bit here tonight. Yeah, yeah, you're doing a great job. And just

932
01:12:55.280 --> 01:13:01.280
know, I know it's really hard. And I've coached, I don't know if you all would have been here.

933
01:13:01.280 --> 01:13:07.840
Tatiana, she's one of our younger members, she has been assaulted in her mind with intrusive

934
01:13:07.840 --> 01:13:12.000
thoughts for a really long time. And it's been really hard on her. And I just want you guys to know,

935
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:16.000
you're not alone, alone, if that happens. That's why I was sharing with you that that still even

936
01:13:16.000 --> 01:13:23.040
happens to me. And it's no fun at all. But I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you.

937
01:13:23.040 --> 01:13:29.440
Okay, you see these men being kind to you and you know the truth, the enemy is trying to twist that

938
01:13:29.440 --> 01:13:35.120
and cause you to be afraid, but you don't have to be afraid. And so when you're in church,

939
01:13:36.160 --> 01:13:41.440
if that happens, I want I want to encourage you just to say, thank you, God, that I don't have to be

940
01:13:41.440 --> 01:13:46.880
afraid. Thank you, God, that I can recognize good things about men and not not even believe

941
01:13:46.880 --> 01:13:52.000
the lies of the enemy. Like just start saying the opposite of what you're hearing and just see

942
01:13:52.000 --> 01:13:57.280
about how that pulls you out. At least that's some of the things I have to do. I just have to redirect

943
01:13:57.280 --> 01:14:03.120
my mind. And it's not always easy. And sometimes it will work for a little bit. And then the enemy

944
01:14:03.120 --> 01:14:08.640
will try to come back and see if he can kind of mess with me again. But y'all, I want to

945
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:14.080
tell you this too. I've been back to that campus. And I've been to other groups around those same

946
01:14:14.080 --> 01:14:19.200
people and not had any of that happen. And so I just want you to know, when we stand up against

947
01:14:19.200 --> 01:14:26.080
the enemy, he has to flee. So sometimes it takes us standing up against him multiple times.

948
01:14:26.080 --> 01:14:31.200
And then when he figures out that we're not going to just let him abuse us because that's what he's

949
01:14:31.200 --> 01:14:40.160
doing. Then he will, he will leave. Okay. All right. And sometimes it does take more than two times,

950
01:14:40.160 --> 01:14:46.960
but yeah, we'll be praying for you. Let us know how that goes. Okay. I will. Thank you. You're welcome.

951
01:14:46.960 --> 01:15:06.720
Alen, hey. No. How's it going? No. It it's going well. I've actually had a better week than most. Um.

952
01:15:11.640 --> 01:15:17.040
with it, but I do know that there's something I'm struggling with.

953
01:15:17.040 --> 01:15:18.040
Okay.

954
01:15:18.040 --> 01:15:19.560
Just share what you feel comfortable with.

955
01:15:19.560 --> 01:15:21.640
It's totally up to you.

956
01:15:21.640 --> 01:15:34.680
Okay, so I've had like a lot of negative thoughts about myself.

957
01:15:34.680 --> 01:15:40.120
It's like if I were to put them on a conveyor belt and an Amazon delivery factory, it would

958
01:15:40.120 --> 01:15:51.160
be a huge pile of boxes of negative thoughts and then like one positive thought and one

959
01:15:51.160 --> 01:16:00.720
non-judgmental thought and that's been like basically all of my life that I can remember

960
01:16:00.720 --> 01:16:15.880
if I'm honest and it was like a while ago that I met up with my biological father and

961
01:16:15.880 --> 01:16:24.640
then he invited me over to his house and then I called him and I said, "Hey, I'm not

962
01:16:24.640 --> 01:16:29.720
comfortable seeing everybody, mainly your wife."

963
01:16:29.720 --> 01:16:40.400
Then he told me things about my dad, my adoptive father that I didn't know about because of

964
01:16:40.400 --> 01:16:48.720
the trauma I had blocked it out.

965
01:16:48.720 --> 01:17:07.460
So, he actually, my mom and him, my mom and my dad were in like a physical combat

966
01:17:07.460 --> 01:17:20.060
situation and she ended up going to the hospital and then my mom didn't press charges, right?

967
01:17:20.060 --> 01:17:26.060
So your mom and your, my adoptive father and my dad.

968
01:17:26.060 --> 01:17:31.380
Okay, I just want to make sure I was following you.

969
01:17:31.380 --> 01:17:36.340
And like I knew there was something going on there in that house, like even if it was

970
01:17:36.340 --> 01:17:42.020
like enclosed stores, there was a lot of yelling and then whenever my mom would walk

971
01:17:42.020 --> 01:17:53.340
out of the room, it wouldn't all be good because I knew something was wrong.

972
01:17:53.340 --> 01:18:06.940
And so, I don't even know when it started and so I know we talked about me being better

973
01:18:06.940 --> 01:18:14.060
and resentful about my brother because he would get a lot of attention with my mom,

974
01:18:14.060 --> 01:18:20.740
especially when she was trying to figure out his like autism and stuff, but I feel like

975
01:18:20.740 --> 01:18:33.340
that between my mom and my dad and then feeling abandoned from my biological father and then

976
01:18:33.340 --> 01:18:45.340
just not feeling like loved or brave enough or anything enough.

977
01:18:45.340 --> 01:18:56.780
I know that I've partnered with a lot of lives, like a lot, for like a long time.

978
01:18:56.780 --> 01:19:03.980
And Alain remind me, do you work with a counselor local to you as well?

979
01:19:03.980 --> 01:19:06.540
Yeah, so I'm in therapy right now.

980
01:19:06.540 --> 01:19:08.900
Okay, that's really good.

981
01:19:08.900 --> 01:19:21.180
Yeah, and I'm trying to work on skills that are untitled like both behaviors like that

982
01:19:21.180 --> 01:19:36.860
to be able to set boundary, soft respect, and also like just communication, like, patience,

983
01:19:36.860 --> 01:19:37.860
bad.

984
01:19:37.860 --> 01:19:45.300
Can I say that because I can't, I don't feel like I can feel my parents anything.

985
01:19:45.300 --> 01:19:50.900
Well part of that, okay, so part of that, I just want to help you with this.

986
01:19:50.900 --> 01:19:56.100
So ladies, when we make, I know she's just kind of in hell in the story a little bit

987
01:19:56.100 --> 01:19:59.980
right now, but I want to kind of help you guys see something.

988
01:20:03.400 --> 01:20:06.100
believe comes out, right?

989
01:20:06.100 --> 01:20:10.800
And she just said, my communication is bad.

990
01:20:10.800 --> 01:20:12.520
Show of hands, how many of you think

991
01:20:12.520 --> 01:20:14.600
ALIN communicates really well?

992
01:20:14.600 --> 01:20:23.800
You communicate very, very well about what you're feeling,

993
01:20:23.800 --> 01:20:26.880
what you're thinking, you're communicating very well

994
01:20:26.880 --> 01:20:28.040
about what you've been through.

995
01:20:28.040 --> 01:20:30.960
But here's the difference, you have

996
01:20:30.960 --> 01:20:35.000
to learn how to feel safe with your appearance

997
01:20:35.000 --> 01:20:39.040
if they are safe people, OK?

998
01:20:39.040 --> 01:20:43.120
Right now, and when I remember when you first came,

999
01:20:43.120 --> 01:20:46.520
you shared it just a tiny bit, but I remember just how scared

1000
01:20:46.520 --> 01:20:51.080
you were, and you have grown so much.

1001
01:20:51.080 --> 01:20:52.800
And so I just don't want the enemy.

1002
01:20:52.800 --> 01:20:55.400
And I can tell, like, it's been probably a hard week,

1003
01:20:55.400 --> 01:20:56.840
I can tell.

1004
01:20:56.840 --> 01:21:00.240
But I don't want the enemy to push you back into a hole

1005
01:21:00.240 --> 01:21:03.040
and tell you that you don't communicate well.

1006
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:04.720
I understand you were kind of specifically

1007
01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:06.360
saying regarding your parents, but I just

1008
01:21:06.360 --> 01:21:09.640
want to make sure that the enemy doesn't take that further

1009
01:21:09.640 --> 01:21:12.360
and convince you that you don't communicate well to anyone,

1010
01:21:12.360 --> 01:21:13.960
because that's not true.

1011
01:21:13.960 --> 01:21:18.920
And so one of the things with your counselor,

1012
01:21:18.920 --> 01:21:22.640
highly recommend as she's working with you,

1013
01:21:22.640 --> 01:21:24.120
it sounds like she's already doing it,

1014
01:21:24.120 --> 01:21:30.320
but, like, how to discern if it's

1015
01:21:30.320 --> 01:21:36.760
safe to tell your parents, you know?

1016
01:21:36.760 --> 01:21:38.920
Ladies, we have to have wisdom, too,

1017
01:21:38.920 --> 01:21:43.360
like on what we tell people and when we tell them.

1018
01:21:43.360 --> 01:21:46.160
And sometimes that's part of the battle for some of us,

1019
01:21:46.160 --> 01:21:49.040
even in dating, we share, we overshare,

1020
01:21:49.040 --> 01:21:52.280
and sometimes we undershare when we really need to.

1021
01:21:52.280 --> 01:21:53.880
But that might be because maybe we

1022
01:21:53.880 --> 01:21:56.560
don't feel safe enough to do it yet.

1023
01:21:56.560 --> 01:22:00.480
Or we might hold it back because of conditions of the past.

1024
01:22:00.480 --> 01:22:02.040
And so that's something definitely

1025
01:22:02.040 --> 01:22:04.920
alien to pray into.

1026
01:22:04.920 --> 01:22:07.840
I want to talk a little bit about all the negative thoughts.

1027
01:22:07.840 --> 01:22:09.720
That's why I asked you about the counselor,

1028
01:22:09.720 --> 01:22:11.120
because it's really important for me

1029
01:22:11.120 --> 01:22:15.080
to know that you have local support,

1030
01:22:15.080 --> 01:22:19.320
because that's a lot of negative thoughts, right?

1031
01:22:19.320 --> 01:22:23.880
And so I'm not going to just put on there, which, yes,

1032
01:22:23.880 --> 01:22:26.960
we want you to have the silhouette

1033
01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:28.680
to be saying positive things over yourself,

1034
01:22:28.680 --> 01:22:32.080
but this is more extensive, OK?

1035
01:22:32.080 --> 01:22:37.040
And so it takes additional care when people are in kind

1036
01:22:37.040 --> 01:22:40.040
of this place when they have that many negative thoughts.

1037
01:22:40.040 --> 01:22:42.480
I'm always going to try to make sure that you're being cared

1038
01:22:42.480 --> 01:22:46.200
for mentally, emotionally, you know, in all those ways.

1039
01:22:46.200 --> 01:22:49.520
And so that's why I ask that, if anyone's wondering.

1040
01:22:49.520 --> 01:22:50.960
And so, Alain, I love knowing that you're

1041
01:22:50.960 --> 01:22:52.400
working with the counselor.

1042
01:22:52.400 --> 01:22:53.520
I think that's amazing.

1043
01:22:53.520 --> 01:23:00.440
Is there anything that happened between your adoptive dad

1044
01:23:00.440 --> 01:23:00.960
and you?

1045
01:23:00.960 --> 01:23:12.840
I think it's so, like, honestly, I can't remember.

1046
01:23:12.840 --> 01:23:14.240
That's OK.

1047
01:23:14.240 --> 01:23:18.800
There was just a lot of yelling.

1048
01:23:18.800 --> 01:23:26.440
And that would translate over into being my mom and my dad

1049
01:23:26.440 --> 01:23:31.280
to being everybody and everything's going to be on my--

1050
01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:39.120
sorry that I say this, but my poop list on both sides from them.

1051
01:23:39.120 --> 01:23:39.640
So--

1052
01:23:39.640 --> 01:23:42.160
OK.

1053
01:23:42.160 --> 01:23:43.960
So at first, it was your parents yelling.

1054
01:23:43.960 --> 01:23:45.680
And then it turned into everybody yelling.

1055
01:23:45.680 --> 01:23:48.200
Is that what you're saying?

1056
01:23:48.200 --> 01:23:51.480
No, it was more like a--

1057
01:23:51.480 --> 01:23:55.160
because they were fighting, everything was wrong.

1058
01:23:55.160 --> 01:23:58.320
No, nothing would be right.

1059
01:23:58.320 --> 01:23:59.240
Yeah, OK.

1060
01:23:59.240 --> 01:24:01.120
I understand now.

1061
01:24:01.120 --> 01:24:03.040
So have you--

1062
01:24:03.040 --> 01:24:04.200
I can't remember.

1063
01:24:04.200 --> 01:24:05.880
And I apologize that I don't remember

1064
01:24:05.880 --> 01:24:07.760
if you've already done this.

1065
01:24:07.760 --> 01:24:09.720
Have you already forgiven your mom

1066
01:24:09.720 --> 01:24:16.440
and an adoptive dad for yelling a lot and fighting?

1067
01:24:16.440 --> 01:24:18.640
I think so, yeah.

1068
01:24:18.640 --> 01:24:20.080
OK.

1069
01:24:20.080 --> 01:24:23.520
Have you forgiven your bio-dad for telling you

1070
01:24:23.520 --> 01:24:24.480
about this incident?

1071
01:24:24.480 --> 01:24:33.880
OK, I think you need to probably pray about doing that

1072
01:24:33.880 --> 01:24:36.920
because here's the thing.

1073
01:24:36.920 --> 01:24:43.080
I'm not saying maybe that that wasn't helpful information.

1074
01:24:43.080 --> 01:24:45.000
Maybe you didn't need to know that,

1075
01:24:45.000 --> 01:24:47.520
but I'm not fully convinced that you did.

1076
01:24:47.520 --> 01:24:50.560
And I'm wondering if he was telling you for a good purpose

1077
01:24:50.560 --> 01:24:51.760
or not.

1078
01:24:51.760 --> 01:24:52.920
That's kind of where I'm at.

1079
01:24:52.920 --> 01:24:53.960
I don't know your dad.

1080
01:24:53.960 --> 01:24:55.400
I don't know your bio-dad.

1081
01:24:55.400 --> 01:24:59.040
But you're getting to know him, and then he's

1082
01:25:01.520 --> 01:25:04.680
That to me kind of sits wrong, okay?

1083
01:25:04.680 --> 01:25:07.360
Because he can just be a good dad.

1084
01:25:07.360 --> 01:25:09.120
And if something is really needed,

1085
01:25:09.120 --> 01:25:12.520
like if you're in danger, that's different to me, right?

1086
01:25:12.520 --> 01:25:15.340
And I'm not putting him down at all,

1087
01:25:15.340 --> 01:25:19.480
but I just, again, I don't have the full like aspects

1088
01:25:19.480 --> 01:25:22.280
of everything you guys were talking about in that moment,

1089
01:25:22.280 --> 01:25:26.440
but I feel like I don't know

1090
01:25:26.440 --> 01:25:29.280
if that was the most caring thing to do for you right then.

1091
01:25:30.280 --> 01:25:32.960
- Yeah, I don't know that it was.

1092
01:25:32.960 --> 01:25:36.560
- Yeah, and so I would encourage you to just kind of pray

1093
01:25:36.560 --> 01:25:40.160
into forgiveness regarding that.

1094
01:25:40.160 --> 01:25:43.400
And then there is a lot of, like I can tell,

1095
01:25:43.400 --> 01:25:45.040
there's a lot of emotion regarding

1096
01:25:45.040 --> 01:25:48.680
just the unrest in the home, and that wasn't fair to you.

1097
01:25:48.680 --> 01:25:51.320
It wasn't, and I'm really sorry that that happened.

1098
01:25:51.320 --> 01:25:57.320
Have you forgiven your mom for being in that relationship?

1099
01:25:57.320 --> 01:25:58.160
- Mm.

1100
01:25:58.160 --> 01:26:07.560
- Like are you happy that your mom was with him?

1101
01:26:07.560 --> 01:26:12.000
- Yeah, yeah, because like, he's my dad,

1102
01:26:12.000 --> 01:26:16.120
and he graced me, you know, he was there for me.

1103
01:26:16.120 --> 01:26:21.280
- Okay, but are you happy that it was the way it was?

1104
01:26:21.280 --> 01:26:22.600
- No.

1105
01:26:22.600 --> 01:26:25.360
- Okay, ladies, here's the thing.

1106
01:26:25.360 --> 01:26:27.240
And sometimes this is what will happen,

1107
01:26:27.240 --> 01:26:29.640
and this isn't a bad thing that's getting rebuilt.

1108
01:26:29.640 --> 01:26:33.600
We will feel bad because someone took care of us

1109
01:26:33.600 --> 01:26:34.440
and raised us.

1110
01:26:34.440 --> 01:26:36.040
We will feel bad for admitting

1111
01:26:36.040 --> 01:26:39.400
that we did not like things the way they were.

1112
01:26:39.400 --> 01:26:44.920
And so I just think Aylin,

1113
01:26:44.920 --> 01:26:47.400
just pray into that a little bit, okay?

1114
01:26:47.400 --> 01:26:50.360
I'm not trying to tell you that he wasn't a good dad,

1115
01:26:50.360 --> 01:26:55.920
but the conditions you're telling me about,

1116
01:26:55.920 --> 01:26:57.960
we're unsafe on some level.

1117
01:26:57.960 --> 01:27:00.680
And those are causing you distress

1118
01:27:00.680 --> 01:27:02.680
even as a young adult right now.

1119
01:27:02.680 --> 01:27:08.200
And so pray into if there's certain memories that happened,

1120
01:27:08.200 --> 01:27:09.520
you know, when they were yelling

1121
01:27:09.520 --> 01:27:12.640
or just see what the Lord might wanna reveal there.

1122
01:27:12.640 --> 01:27:15.520
Don't, I'm gonna encourage you to be really careful

1123
01:27:15.520 --> 01:27:17.440
to not push on this.

1124
01:27:17.440 --> 01:27:19.920
Only go with what comes up, okay?

1125
01:27:19.920 --> 01:27:21.720
- Yeah, okay.

1126
01:27:23.200 --> 01:27:28.080
There is one time specifically when I got in the middle

1127
01:27:28.080 --> 01:27:33.080
of an argument where I didn't know it at the time,

1128
01:27:33.080 --> 01:27:39.560
but like my dad had a gun and I thank you for having a gun.

1129
01:27:39.560 --> 01:27:44.920
But I was trying to protect my mom.

1130
01:27:44.920 --> 01:27:46.080
- Yeah.

1131
01:27:46.080 --> 01:27:51.080
- And he wanted to like die that night.

1132
01:27:51.360 --> 01:27:52.200
- Right.

1133
01:27:52.200 --> 01:27:55.920
I didn't know that.

1134
01:27:55.920 --> 01:27:59.240
- So how did you find that out then?

1135
01:27:59.240 --> 01:28:02.080
- Because my mom told me.

1136
01:28:02.080 --> 01:28:03.920
- Okay.

1137
01:28:03.920 --> 01:28:06.440
- You're on like years later.

1138
01:28:06.440 --> 01:28:08.280
- Were you an adult when she told you?

1139
01:28:08.280 --> 01:28:10.480
- Yeah.

1140
01:28:10.480 --> 01:28:11.320
- Okay.

1141
01:28:11.320 --> 01:28:15.040
Were you guys having a conversation

1142
01:28:15.040 --> 01:28:17.880
and trying to reconcile some things at that point?

1143
01:28:17.880 --> 01:28:19.320
Like what made that come up?

1144
01:28:20.320 --> 01:28:25.320
- Um, the fact that I struggle with that,

1145
01:28:25.320 --> 01:28:28.800
that's okay, not wanting to be here.

1146
01:28:28.800 --> 01:28:30.800
I struggle with that.

1147
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:31.640
- Okay.

1148
01:28:31.640 --> 01:28:35.360
- So I think that's what it means.

1149
01:28:35.360 --> 01:28:36.640
- Okay.

1150
01:28:36.640 --> 01:28:38.960
All right, I'm gonna kind of pause us there

1151
01:28:38.960 --> 01:28:42.440
just because I feel like this is very, very tender.

1152
01:28:42.440 --> 01:28:45.280
And so I don't wanna push you to go

1153
01:28:45.280 --> 01:28:47.200
into this much further tonight, okay?

1154
01:28:48.480 --> 01:28:51.320
So let's just pray into this and see where else

1155
01:28:51.320 --> 01:28:54.640
the Lord might wanna lead you regarding forgiveness.

1156
01:28:54.640 --> 01:28:59.520
I do want you to know that God wants you to be safe

1157
01:28:59.520 --> 01:29:02.520
and he wanted you to be safe back then too.

1158
01:29:02.520 --> 01:29:05.040
And that breaks his heart when his kids

1159
01:29:05.040 --> 01:29:07.640
are in the middle of situations like that

1160
01:29:07.640 --> 01:29:10.800
where it's unsafe to that level, okay?

1161
01:29:10.800 --> 01:29:13.800
And the fact that you felt like you had to protect your mom

1162
01:29:13.800 --> 01:29:15.680
and you knew there was a gun,

1163
01:29:15.680 --> 01:29:18.440
that's a lot for a little kid, okay?

1164
01:29:19.440 --> 01:29:23.240
And so if there's any like feelings

1165
01:29:23.240 --> 01:29:24.720
like you shouldn't have felt scared

1166
01:29:24.720 --> 01:29:26.680
or you should have just been, you know,

1167
01:29:26.680 --> 01:29:29.280
like just really encourage you to resist those

1168
01:29:29.280 --> 01:29:32.440
because it's normal for a kid to be scared

1169
01:29:32.440 --> 01:29:35.560
in a scary environment, okay?

1170
01:29:35.560 --> 01:29:36.600
All right.

1171
01:29:36.600 --> 01:29:40.080
So let us know if you will this week,

1172
01:29:40.080 --> 01:29:41.840
will you put something in the group for me

1173
01:29:41.840 --> 01:29:43.320
and just tag me like you did this?

1174
01:29:43.320 --> 01:29:45.080
I don't know if that was this week or last week,

1175
01:29:45.080 --> 01:29:46.760
but tag me like you did.

1176
01:29:46.760 --> 01:29:50.560
And if I don't see it right away, Kelly and Andrea,

1177
01:29:50.560 --> 01:29:51.880
one of them will let me know.

1178
01:29:51.880 --> 01:29:54.720
I'll tell them to keep an eye out for that

1179
01:29:54.720 --> 01:29:56.120
because I want to kind of walk with you

1180
01:29:56.120 --> 01:29:57.000
a little bit more with this

1181
01:29:57.000 --> 01:29:59.960
and I just want to go at a careful pace, okay?

1182
01:30:06.240 --> 01:30:12.980
The reason I'm saying that to hers because this is to me when I she's presenting a lot of

1183
01:30:12.980 --> 01:30:20.140
Fragileness and I don't mean that like she's weak, but there's just a lot of very tender things here as she's talking

1184
01:30:20.140 --> 01:30:25.640
And so this is why it's important for us to not dig and not not kind of go too fast

1185
01:30:26.240 --> 01:30:31.600
Okay, so this is where the revealings for healing in God's timing are going to be important

1186
01:30:31.600 --> 01:30:36.040
So you're doing a great job, Alan, and I'm so glad that you share tonight

1187
01:30:36.040 --> 01:30:42.440
And remember even as you're working for this is for everyone to as all of you work on forgiveness prayer sheets

1188
01:30:42.440 --> 01:30:48.680
Just remember to go at your pace now some of you are gonna feel like literally like I don't want to forgive that person

1189
01:30:48.680 --> 01:30:52.320
That's different. Let's talk about that if you face that

1190
01:30:52.720 --> 01:30:56.520
But right now this is the reason I'm saying it is that you know

1191
01:30:56.520 --> 01:31:02.800
Even pushing herself to forgive until she has more information

1192
01:31:02.800 --> 01:31:06.020
Might be too much

1193
01:31:06.020 --> 01:31:13.260
Okay, so let us know how that goes and then we'll just kind of we'll take steps with you as you go. All right

1194
01:31:13.260 --> 01:31:21.220
You're welcome super strong so courageous to share about those situations and I

1195
01:31:21.880 --> 01:31:28.020
Totally like, you know, bless your dad your bio dad bless your, you know adoptive dad your mom

1196
01:31:28.020 --> 01:31:31.500
People make mistakes you all they do

1197
01:31:31.500 --> 01:31:39.980
But it's also really important for a Lynn or any of you to know that when you were young and things were out of your

1198
01:31:39.980 --> 01:31:44.560
Control that it's it's okay for you to want to have wanted to be safe

1199
01:31:44.560 --> 01:31:49.280
And so that's why I kind of walked with her through that for a little bit. All right

1200
01:31:50.080 --> 01:31:54.180
Lisa, I'll take Lisa and then after Lisa don't feel like you have to rush Lisa

1201
01:31:54.180 --> 01:31:58.440
But I'm just letting everybody else know that Lisa will be my last person to coach tonight, okay

1202
01:31:58.440 --> 01:32:05.900
Hi, I'm gonna bring it up, but then I was like, well, why not?

1203
01:32:05.900 --> 01:32:09.880
I had I had shared this in breakouts

1204
01:32:09.880 --> 01:32:15.560
But one thing I know that's been coming up over the last couple of years, but again, especially

1205
01:32:15.560 --> 01:32:18.800
recently is I very much do

1206
01:32:19.800 --> 01:32:23.280
Compare myself to people like certain people

1207
01:32:23.280 --> 01:32:26.760
Like certain friends of mine even before

1208
01:32:26.760 --> 01:32:33.220
There was like a relational dynamic over the last couple months before I got into heart work and actually

1209
01:32:33.220 --> 01:32:37.000
ironically ended right before heart work and

1210
01:32:37.000 --> 01:32:43.740
You know, I had a friend that was also connected to this person and in my mind when it comes to

1211
01:32:44.960 --> 01:32:50.120
Not even just romantic relationships. Although that's part of it. But really I think in a lot of relationships

1212
01:32:50.120 --> 01:32:56.880
I just have this comparison of like if you put me against this other person, they're always gonna choose the other person

1213
01:32:56.880 --> 01:32:59.600
and even

1214
01:32:59.600 --> 01:33:03.600
It was also coming up and break out that you know, cuz I always thought it was romantic

1215
01:33:03.600 --> 01:33:07.800
But then I also remember even a couple of years ago having a lot. I even had a dream I

1216
01:33:07.800 --> 01:33:14.080
Was having physical responses like my legs would shake and you know was working with my counselor at the time

1217
01:33:14.640 --> 01:33:20.800
And some different things and the God gave me a dream and as soon as I woke up, I heard imposter syndrome and

1218
01:33:20.800 --> 01:33:27.560
And so I know I've also struggled with that like and I actually with that had a really good conversation with my boss and

1219
01:33:27.560 --> 01:33:33.160
She confirmed like no, you're and I have you in the role for a reason because you're gonna do things the way

1220
01:33:33.160 --> 01:33:35.400
I want you to do them and no, I'm not gonna put her in this room

1221
01:33:35.400 --> 01:33:38.080
So I was grateful for that, but again, I just

1222
01:33:39.880 --> 01:33:45.560
I know I'm a natural encourager, so I of course don't think there's anything wrong with encouragement

1223
01:33:45.560 --> 01:33:50.640
But I think there's a difference between encouragement and needing constant reassurance that I'm okay

1224
01:33:50.640 --> 01:33:55.480
Because I've even seen that too with like having some level of hyper vigilance toward my health

1225
01:33:55.480 --> 01:34:00.280
And again, it's that that that reassurance that it's like am I okay? Am I okay?

1226
01:34:00.280 --> 01:34:01.800
and

1227
01:34:01.800 --> 01:34:07.760
Even some of the things that that I took notes of as as others were talking that I feel like the Lord was sharing again

1228
01:34:07.760 --> 01:34:13.120
I do have a tendency to overshare I know I did this in this most recent situation

1229
01:34:13.120 --> 01:34:17.520
And even did it with a boss. It's almost like oh you're a Christian here

1230
01:34:17.520 --> 01:34:21.520
Let me tell you my life story and it's like and that with an old boss and that kind of came back to bite me

1231
01:34:21.520 --> 01:34:27.840
But what I feel like the Lord even just now shared was I really just want connection with the person and for them to choose

1232
01:34:27.840 --> 01:34:32.960
Me or like me and that's why I feel like this need to overshare because I want to try to form I do I

1233
01:34:33.320 --> 01:34:35.900
Do build rapport with people very quickly, but I know

1234
01:34:35.900 --> 01:34:39.720
Consciously, I know that sometimes things can be a double-edged sword, you know

1235
01:34:39.720 --> 01:34:42.520
So then again imposter syndrome comparison

1236
01:34:42.520 --> 01:34:45.920
Again, I mentioned the hyper vigilance

1237
01:34:45.920 --> 01:34:53.260
And then when you were saying too about feeling bad for not liking things the way they were it it brought up to mind

1238
01:34:53.260 --> 01:34:59.680
Because my dad traveled for his job throughout my life and so physically he wasn't present

1239
01:35:09.000 --> 01:35:17.000
But he wasn't a good dad. And then even, you know, another thing that the Lord showed me too was I have a younger brother. I'm the third of four kids.

1240
01:35:17.000 --> 01:35:22.000
And I must have had something when my brother was born.

1241
01:35:22.000 --> 01:35:27.000
And my mom would constantly remind me even growing up that like people doted on me when I was born.

1242
01:35:27.000 --> 01:35:36.000
And when you were saying something about forgiveness, I'm wondering too, if I need to forgive my mom because I don't think she was intentionally trying to invalidate or explain away my feelings.

1243
01:35:36.000 --> 01:35:47.000
But by saying, well, you were always doted on. It's almost like whether she meant it or not, it kind of probably came across as like you shouldn't feel this way because, you know, and so.

1244
01:35:47.000 --> 01:35:51.000
So I guess the Lord gave me one thing I need to forget already.

1245
01:35:51.000 --> 01:35:58.000
Yes. So interesting. So good. Thank you for sharing.

1246
01:35:58.000 --> 01:36:04.000
When you said, if you put me against this person, they're going to always get chosen.

1247
01:36:04.000 --> 01:36:09.000
This is before you started talking about the imposter syndrome and how God that revealed that to you.

1248
01:36:09.000 --> 01:36:17.000
And when I first say this, I want you to be open to kind of hearing some explanation on it, but what I heard was self-loathing.

1249
01:36:17.000 --> 01:36:27.000
Okay. And I just was kind of looking up, I know kind of how self-loathing works, but I just wanted some real life examples to kind of read to you all.

1250
01:36:27.000 --> 01:36:36.000
When we tend to self-loathe, we often hide behind competence, busyness, and being fine.

1251
01:36:36.000 --> 01:36:47.000
Okay. We tend to show up with harsh inter commentary. What's wrong with you? Like, you know, what's wrong with us?

1252
01:36:47.000 --> 01:36:52.000
Things that we would never say to another friend, we would say them in our minds. Okay.

1253
01:36:52.000 --> 01:36:57.000
Deflecting compliments or explaining why they're not true.

1254
01:36:57.000 --> 01:37:06.000
Joking about ourselves in a cutting way, especially about aging weight looks in relationships over giving and people pleasing to earn our place.

1255
01:37:06.000 --> 01:37:14.000
Difficulty help, receiving help, gifts or care, tolerating disrespect because we believe we deserve disrespect.

1256
01:37:14.000 --> 01:37:24.000
Apologizing constantly, even for taking up space, avoiding mirrors, photos or being seen, especially, you know, when we have physical changes.

1257
01:37:24.000 --> 01:37:31.000
Neglecting doctor visits, rest or self-care as selfish. Punishing cycles, there's a whole list of things.

1258
01:37:31.000 --> 01:37:37.000
I don't know if any of those resonated for you. Again, there's like a whole list.

1259
01:37:37.000 --> 01:37:45.000
But that's what came up in my spirit when you were talking about comparing yourself constantly to people.

1260
01:37:45.000 --> 01:37:54.000
Um, I really believe on some level, you started disliking yourself somewhere.

1261
01:37:54.000 --> 01:37:58.000
Okay. And so we want to get to the root of that.

1262
01:37:58.000 --> 01:38:05.000
Now, it could be the thing your mom said about people always do it on you and you might have started self rejecting.

1263
01:38:05.000 --> 01:38:12.000
Okay. Kind of because internally, it sounds like you started believing the dialogue that that wasn't okay.

1264
01:38:12.000 --> 01:38:17.000
I'm not sure. So I would encourage you just to really pray and ask the Lord.

1265
01:38:17.000 --> 01:38:26.000
When was the first time I started rejecting myself or not liking things about myself?

1266
01:38:26.000 --> 01:38:35.000
Is there anything specific and it's okay if not, but is there anything specific that's coming up as I'm talking about this?

1267
01:38:35.000 --> 01:38:43.000
The honestly, the first thought that just popped into my mind because I was starting to take a note and then I paused.

1268
01:38:43.000 --> 01:38:50.000
I remember when I was in grade school, I think I was in like fifth, fifth or sixth grade.

1269
01:38:50.000 --> 01:39:02.000
And of course, sometimes kids are not nice. And I was never overweight as a child or anything of like that. But I remember.

1270
01:39:02.000 --> 01:39:05.000
There was.

1271
01:39:05.000 --> 01:39:15.000
I remember somebody gave me a nickname of Miss America and it wasn't for a beauty pageant. It was like America is in like size. And again, I was not an overweight child.

1272
01:39:15.000 --> 01:39:19.000
And I think it was, you know, making fun of. And I remember though.

1273
01:39:19.000 --> 01:39:22.000
I had a friend.

1274
01:39:22.000 --> 01:39:27.000
This guy who I was really good friends with. And I still to this day remember what he said.

1275
01:39:27.000 --> 01:39:35.000
Like verbatim, because he was saying that people thought that I was like, fat, ugly, stupid.

1276
01:39:35.000 --> 01:39:44.000
And he said that you're not fat, you're not ugly, you're not stupid. These are thoughtless, idiotic comments. I'm not friends with people who really are those. So why would we, you and I be such good friends?

1277
01:39:44.000 --> 01:39:49.000
I mean, like fifth grade, like this kid was, I don't, I don't even have contact with them.

1278
01:39:49.000 --> 01:39:55.000
But, but yeah, I think that was that comment was what just popped in my mind.

1279
01:39:55.000 --> 01:40:01.920
Alright, we have our first ladies. This is what I call pull the string.

1280
01:40:16.000 --> 01:40:45.000
And you're going to see, you know, if there's any other things that were said to you or that you thought yourself, you know, what's coming to mind is even when you maybe saw magazines and you started like disliking things about yourself because you didn't look like someone in a magazine. So I don't know if that resonates, but really like lean into this a little bit. But the pull the string for those that don't know what I mean by that is I encourage you all.

1281
01:40:45.000 --> 01:40:53.000
This is the first memory that's popping up for her. And so she's going to pull the string. She's going to ask God really good questions about this memory.

1282
01:40:53.000 --> 01:41:04.000
You're going to thank God for bringing this memory to your mind as well, because this is important. God is bringing this up because it matters because that's been down in your subconscious. Okay.

1283
01:41:04.000 --> 01:41:17.000
And so you weren't any of those things. And it's really awesome that you had that friend that was there to tell you that, but that's some pretty hard stuff, you know.

1284
01:41:17.000 --> 01:41:26.000
And so forgiving those kids, but also Lord, forgiving yourself if you started believing them.

1285
01:41:26.000 --> 01:41:32.000
And then what have you done, you know, since then that has caused you to align with those things.

1286
01:41:32.000 --> 01:41:34.000
You know what I'm saying.

1287
01:41:34.000 --> 01:41:35.000
Yeah.

1288
01:41:35.000 --> 01:41:41.000
So let's start there and see where this goes. I feel like this might turn into something a little bigger.

1289
01:41:41.000 --> 01:41:44.000
And we'll just see what God reveals.

1290
01:41:44.000 --> 01:41:50.000
The other thing you were saying.

1291
01:41:50.000 --> 01:41:55.000
Maybe it wasn't you, maybe it was someone earlier. Okay, I think that's it.

1292
01:41:55.000 --> 01:42:06.000
I think that was it. Yeah, let's start there and pray into that. And I think it's going to be really awesome breakthrough for you. And ladies, this is why it's important like.

1293
01:42:06.000 --> 01:42:11.000
It could have been really easy for Lisa to dismiss that thought that just popped up.

1294
01:42:11.000 --> 01:42:18.000
Because like, oh, kids are just kids. They just say stuff to us on the playground. You know, parents used to say that to us.

1295
01:42:18.000 --> 01:42:24.000
Kids will just be quick kids. Well, no, mom or dad, this like really hurt me.

1296
01:42:24.000 --> 01:42:31.000
You know, and so again, it's us standing up for the little version of ourselves and taking care of them. Okay.

1297
01:42:31.000 --> 01:42:37.000
So let me know how that goes. Let our team know and we'll be praying for you. Thank you so much for sharing tonight.

1298
01:42:37.000 --> 01:42:45.000
Yeah, ladies, don't underestimate like what your share means to the group.

1299
01:42:45.000 --> 01:42:50.000
Lisa said she almost didn't share it and Lisa Reagan said she almost didn't share tonight, but it felt led to.

1300
01:42:50.000 --> 01:42:55.000
I'm really glad that she did because I think there's a lot of people that struggle with this kind of stuff. So.

1301
01:42:55.000 --> 01:42:58.000
Praying for you all. Let me pray for us and close us out.

1302
01:42:58.000 --> 01:43:02.000
Father, thank you so much for this night. Thank you for everything that's been revealed for healing.

1303
01:43:02.000 --> 01:43:08.000
Even those that haven't spoken out and used their voice tonight. God, things that are being revealed in them.

1304
01:43:08.000 --> 01:43:12.000
God, give them the courage to confess those things to someone.

1305
01:43:12.000 --> 01:43:16.000
God, thank you for the things they can fast in group tonight. God, thank you for their courage.

1306
01:43:16.000 --> 01:43:21.000
I pray that you would just give them sale arrest tonight that you would help them to feel your love in a fresh way.

1307
01:43:21.000 --> 01:43:30.000
Comfort those that need comfort, Lord, Allen and so many others that just have been processing things tonight that have been hard.

1308
01:43:30.000 --> 01:43:35.000
God, I thank you just for the healing touch that you bring us.

1309
01:43:35.000 --> 01:43:39.000
God, thank you for continuing to lead us and guide us into all truth.

1310
01:43:39.000 --> 01:43:45.000
And God, we thank you for supernatural breakthroughs. One on the heels of another on the heels of another in Jesus name.

1311
01:43:45.000 --> 01:43:51.000
Amen. God bless you all. I'll see you guys in the group. Have a great night, everyone. Bye-bye.