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If it's fire, it's got to look like fire, feel like fire, smell like fire or something.

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Well, welcome to another Raising Home Fire Secret Place Training session.

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Hope you really enjoy this session, and I hope that this results in you knowing God

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in a deeper and more personal and more connected way.

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Well, guys, welcome to another Secret Place Training session.

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I'm really excited to share with you today about something that I've been practicing

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in my prayer life for a number of years now that's been a huge strength for me.

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It's caused my connection with God to grow, my experience of prayer to deepen, my experience

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of knowing God to just go to whole new levels, and I pray that it does the same for you.

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It's been a really amazing journey for me, actually.

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What I really want to talk to you about today is the fact that God doesn't want to just

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be in some of your life.

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He wants to be in all of your life.

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God doesn't want to just be in your triumphs.

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He also wants to be in your trash and your tragedies.

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God wants to be in every single aspect, attribute, avenue, every single part of who you are and

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what you've done and what you will do.

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God wants it all.

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God paid for it all, and He wants it all.

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He knew everything that you would think.

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He knew everything that you would do.

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He knew everything that you would accomplish.

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He knew everything that you would fail at.

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He knew everything well before any of it was ever done, and He chose you before the foundation

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of the earth.

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He counted you worthy of His own life before the foundation of the earth.

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He wants all of it.

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He doesn't just want your triumphs.

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He also wants your trash and your tragedies.

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God doesn't want to just celebrate your high points.

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He wants to be with you and be invited into those moments that are your low points.

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God wants it all.

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What I want to talk to you about today is the practice of vulnerability in prayer.

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The Bible, Jesus teaches in the Beatitudes, and it's actually Matthew 5 verse 8 if you

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want to look it up.

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He says this,

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I don't know how many of you want to see God more and see God more clearly, but I do.

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I want to share in a moment about an experience that I had that caused me to see God in such

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a clearer way.

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It was an amazing encounter that I had with God.

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I'm going to share it in just a couple of moments.

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Of course, the New Testament is written in Greek, but Jesus has borrowed this phrase

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pure in heart.

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There's another time in the Bible that it's mentioned, one other place.

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It's in Psalm 73, I think it's in verse 1, where King David says this,

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Truly God is good to Israel, to such as are pure in heart.

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It's actually a phrase that King David used.

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It's an amazing phrase.

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Jesus borrowed it and says,

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Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

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When I heard that term pure, and particularly pure in heart, but the word pure for me, I

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realized I had a whole bunch of assumptions around what that word meant.

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I first read that as those who have a morally clean and morally pure heart, who haven't

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done anything to defile themselves, they're kind of clean inside, that those people shall

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see God.

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Now, I think there is definitely truth in that, and that's part of what the Scripture

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means for sure.

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I'm totally for that, but I don't think that's really the angle that the Hebrew mind is coming

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from as much, or Jesus is coming from as much.

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To show you where I think Jesus is coming from, I want to go back to the Hebrew language.

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What I did is I went back to Psalm 73, verse 1, to the phrase that David put there, and

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I looked into the Hebrew word pure.

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The Hebrew word pure there is ba, and I won't get into the whole process of this.

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That might be something we do in another session, but basically, in short, the Hebrew language

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is very pictorial.

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Before we had the modern Hebrew alphabet, they wrote in a different way, similar but

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a different way, and it was more like hieroglyphics.

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Every Hebrew letter is a picture, and every Hebrew word is kind of like a comic strip

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that tells a story.

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I won't get into all the details of that, but like I said, maybe we'll do that in a

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later session or in another session.

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This Hebrew word ba, which is translated pure, for pure in heart, it literally tells a story.

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It's made up of two letters, bet and resh, and the first letter is of a man who is a

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man of authority standing there, and then the second letter is a picture of a tent with

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its door wide open, and there is a mess inside the tent.

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There is so much mess.

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It's not all tidy inside the tent now if you look at it, it actually if you look at the actual Hebrew word

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It actually looks like this

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And if you look at the original letters before the modern Hebrew alphabet

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It really looks like this with the with the different accents and stuff that are used for this particular word pure. It's pretty amazing actually

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and so this is the story that the word tells and

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this I think is the

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the

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the

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The angle that Jesus is coming from

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More than the morally pure angle now, I think he's still coming hear me, right?

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I think he's still coming from the morally pure angle as well

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I think that's part of it, but this is kind of the thing that's underneath there the thing behind the thing

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This is the deeper meaning of the word pure in the Hebrew mind is this

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It's the picture of a man or of a person the tent represents a life

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Someone who has opened up their life and

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Shared their mess with someone who is in higher authority to them and invited them to come and help them clean up their mess

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I said, hey, I'm in a mess. I want you to see it

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Now Jesus is obviously the man of authority blessed of the pure in heart

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Blessed of those who say hey, I'm opening my heart and I'm not holding anything back from you

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My curtains are open. My door is open. I want you to see everything that's in there and I trust

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That you will come in as a spirit of redemption. You will come in and you will restore me from the inside out god

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I need help cleaning up my mess. I've made a mess

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I've got stuff on the inside that needs cleaning up

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There's things that i'm not proud of maybe even things that i'm totally ashamed of

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And i'm not going to hide those things from you. I have a pure heart god

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My tent door is open to you who can come and help me. I need help

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God opposes the proud but he gives grace to the humble

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So let's hold that there and now what I want to do is I want to break down the word vulnerability

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We're talking about vulnerability and prayer and how powerful that is how powerful the practice of vulnerability is in your prayer life

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The word vulnerability the english word

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Vulnerability is made up of two words. The second word is ability. We all know what that means to be able ability

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the first word is

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the uh

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The latin word volna, which is which means wounded and what the word really means. It means the ability to be wounded

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When we become vulnerable when we are vulnerable to someone we open up our heart to that person

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in a particular way where we're

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Where they are able to either bless us or wound us and to be vulnerable requires that we trust

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The person that we're being vulnerable to enough to know or to trust or to believe

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That when we open up our heart in this way, yes, they could wound us if they want to

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They could make it hard for us. They could rub salt in the wound. They could make it worse

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They could cause the shame to go even deeper or they could come in

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And they could come and help and be a blessing and be restoration

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And be a breath of fresh air and be healing to us in our place of vulnerability

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And this is what we do when we are

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Before the lord in relationship with god. We have to go through this process

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Where it's not just someone like matt lansdowne or some preacher or some person that has gone through this

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Before you that says hey you can trust god

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But you actually need to experience for yourself that god can be trusted and when you experience that

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It changes something on the inside of you and it draws you into such a deeper place

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In your relationship with god that it is amazing and I want to tell you my story

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um

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I was preaching stuff like this and I was teaching other people about how god can be trusted and about

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How god is faithful and about how god is wonderful and we had moved up to fangire at the time

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And we'd started bethel church. I've been through two years of

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Ministry school and reading california at bethel church there and we'd come here

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We'd started the church and we'd started an internship

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And I was well on the track of yeah, really teaching this stuff to other people

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Um, but I had a I had a moment where I realized I I thought I knew what I was talking about

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In other words, I thought I had experienced

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I thought I was living what I was talking about and I was to a degree

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But there's a moment where god took me into a way deeper experience

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Of what I had been preaching for years and here's what happened

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We had this internship we had a bunch of interns and part of our our internship was um,

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What was we would pray together? I think it was on a tuesday morning

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And anyway over the weekend over the monday, I think what had happened and the details honestly are not

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um

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I can't remember them fully but I think i'd had an argument with my wife and I remember being really ashamed of the way

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That I was that I had treated my wife in this particular argument or whatever it was that happened

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And I got to the internship and I was like

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um

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feeling like, man, who am I to lead these amazing people? Who am I to lead these interns? Who am I

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to lead them in prayer? Who am I to lead them in anything? I'm an idiot. I'm so ashamed of what

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I've done. What a moron. And I was just beating myself up. I just felt so unqualified. I felt so

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written off. I felt like low as. And got to the prayer meeting and I thought, you know, I've got

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to lead. I've got to lead this prayer meeting. So I got everyone together and we started to pray.

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And, you know, the interns are amazing and they just started praying. And I'm so thankful that we

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had an amazing internship that year. And they didn't need me to carry them so much. They already

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carried me. They just started praying. I remember leaning up against the wall and I remember saying,

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God, I've got nothing to give. I've got nothing to offer to this prayer meeting. I don't even know

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what I'm doing here. I might just pretend I'm sick and go home. And I remember I heard this

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knock, knock, knock on my door and on the door of my heart. Not a physical knock, but I felt this

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knocking on my heart. And I remember, I remember feeling the sense of, of God wants to come in.

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And then I, as my eyes were closed, I had this vision and Jesus was standing in front of me.

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And he had this big smile on his face and he was so proud and so excited to be with me. He just,

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I could see how much he loved me. I could see just how delighted he was to be with me. And I,

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I was not delighted to be with myself. So I was like, really Jesus? But his, his, his,

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the look on his face was so convincing. I mean, he just obviously loved me and he would,

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and he would give you the same look as he gave me. And, and I remember thinking, but you can't

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see what's going on in my heart right now. You can't see that thing, what I'm ashamed of. And

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now I know you're listening to this thinking, yes, he could. I mean, he was there when you had the

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argument with your wife and where he knows everything you're ashamed of. He was there.

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He saw it all. God sees everything. And I know that too. But for some reason, I felt like I had

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the ability to hide this part of myself from God in that moment. And you have the ability to hide

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those parts of yourself from God too. And that's the truth of the matter.

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And I remember he was not, he wanted to come deeper. And I, and I said, I said, God, if I let

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you in, my fear is that you'll lose that smile on your face. My fear is that, that you'll be,

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you'll be ashamed of me because I'm ashamed of me. And I'm just assuming that when you see what I see,

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when you know what I know, that you'll be ashamed of me too. And I don't, I don't, I don't know what

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I'm going to do. I don't know how, how I will handle it. If when I let you into the space and

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walk you around this memory inside my heart and invite you into this pain that's within me right

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now that I'm ashamed of, invite you into this place of vulnerability, I'm afraid that you're

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going to hurt me in that place. And that, that smile on your face is going to, is even just going

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to come down a little bit. And, and I'm, I'm afraid that you're going to start to see me different.

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You're going to lose who I am. And, and of course I didn't know this consciously, but when I look

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back on it, this is what I was thinking is that I'm afraid that you, that you are going to see me

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and, uh, and, and define me based on what I've done. And you're going to lose sight of,

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of, of this delightful sun and this delightful map that you see in that smile on your face.

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And so anyway, it was actually a really hard process and it was really difficult for me to

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do this, but I, I, I against the wall in this prayer meeting, my eyes closed, I actually got

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my hands on my chest and I imagined that there were two big open, two big door handles on my

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chest. And I said, Jesus, I'm going to invite you in. And I, and I opened the doors of my heart,

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the doors of my chest wide open. And I said, come on, I want to show you what I'm ashamed of.

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And I walked him in and I took him in, this is in a vision, in my imagination. I brought him in my

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imagination into the memory of the thing that I was ashamed of in terms of my argument with my

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wife. And I just, I just stood and I was just there with him. He was just in that space with me.

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And I looked at his face and, and I was so relieved and I was so empowered. And I was,

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I felt so loved when I saw like his smile, his delight didn't change. He was acknowledging that

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this was not a right thing that I'd done, but he looked at me and he said, thank you. I've been

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longing to come into this place. Thank you so much for trusting me with this space within you,

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with this memory, with this thing that you're ashamed of. Thank you for trusting me,

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not just with your triumphs, but with your trash and with your tragedies as well. Thank you. I've

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been longing to come into this place. And he came in and he started to walk me through this memory

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of what I, of this experience and this, this, the shame, um, over the weekend.

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And as he walked through it, he just, I felt light coming into my body. I felt light coming

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into my spirit. I felt the darkness lift. I felt like physical light coming into me.

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shoulders lifted off me, and Jesus started to dance around that memory within me, and

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He started to clean it up.

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The man of authority from outside the tent walked into the tent, only when the owner

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of the tent had opened the door to the tent, and He came in.

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The bar, the bed, and the rest, He came in, and He restored within me what I couldn't

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restore on my own.

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He cleaned up inside my heart what I couldn't clean up on my own.

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So in opening up the doors of my heart in this way, I've experienced so much healing

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internally.

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I've experienced such a deeper experience of God's presence in my life, and I want

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to encourage you to do the same.

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So we're going to go into an activation now, and I'm excited for what God's going

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to do in your life.

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God bless you, and we'll see you in the activation.

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Of course, this is something that's a really powerful thing to have as one of your practices

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in prayer on a regular basis, but I want to lead you through something now, and this is

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potentially going to bring up some trigger points.

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It's not necessarily going to be really easy to begin with, so I just want to warn you

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with that, but it's going to be really amazing for you to experience the goodness of God,

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the beauty of God, and the presence of God, and the love of God in areas of your life

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where you may not have experienced His beauty and presence yet.

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I believe there's healing in this for you today.

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So what I want you to do first of all is, again, you're going to need a pen, paper,

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something to write down on, some quiet space, probably some space without lots of people

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around.

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What I want you to do is I want you just to think back, and some of you this is going

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to be quite uncomfortable, but I want you to think back, and I want you to write down

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some memories and some things that you've done in the past that you are in some way

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ashamed of, maybe really, really ashamed of.

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Maybe you haven't told anybody.

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Maybe it's even too much for you to write them down, but I want you to either think

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about or preferably write down some areas in your life that you are ashamed of.

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Awesome, thanks for doing that, guys.

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What I want you to do now is I want you to look through that list, and there might not

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be too many things on that list, but I want you to look through that list, and I want

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you to find something on that list that you are ready to invite Jesus into, that you're

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ready to invite God into.

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What I want you to do is I want you to take that thing, that moment in your life, that

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thing that happened to you, whatever it is, for me it was my argument with my wife, and

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I want you to just put some music on, if that helps you, find some space, and I want

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you to do what I did.

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I want you to imagine Jesus standing in front of you.

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Now Jesus is with you.

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This is not a vain imagination.

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This is a real imagination.

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You are seeing something and imagining something that is real.

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I want you to imagine Jesus standing in front of you, and I want you to hear the knock on

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your heart, and I want you just to take some time to open up your heart and to walk Jesus

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through, to walk God through that memory that you're ashamed of internally.

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I want you to invite Him through, walk Him through, show Him through that memory in as

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much detail and as much feeling and in as much vibrancy as you can, and I want you just

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to see and experience what Jesus does when you walk Him through that dark memory or that

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shameful memory within you.

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So go ahead and do that now.

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Take as long as you need for that.

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Awesome, well, thanks for doing that.

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I hope you received some breakthrough in that.

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If that wasn't as much as what you were expecting, then I just want to encourage you to keep

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doing that until you feel and receive the fullness of God's healing in that area of

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your life.

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For me, in the particular instance that I brought up with you in the session, it was

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really quick, but there have been other instances in my life where it's taken multiple times

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of just inviting Jesus through, and it's been more of a slower journey of healing for me

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on the inside.

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And so you might need to keep doing that for a little bit, or it might be done, but what

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I want you to do is I want you to make a plan of either finding something else on your list,

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or if you feel like you haven't quite finished there with that particular shameful memory

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that you're inviting Jesus into and being vulnerable before the Lord with, then I want

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you to make a plan of...

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of kind of booking another session with Jesus,

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booking another session in your quiet time,

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in your secret place or in just another time,

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a moment in your life.

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But I'd encourage you to put it in your calendar right now

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as if you're putting in a counseling appointment

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in your calendar, but just put it with Jesus

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and then make sure you keep that appointment.

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And I believe Jesus will counsel you,

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he will come in and he will restore you from the inside out.

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So God bless you and we'll see you next week.