WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.480 this is the third operating mode. It's called connection mode. And this is again, 2 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:13.140 it's our most natural way of operating is to connect intimately or closely with 3 00:00:13.140 --> 00:00:18.660 other people. And this is a huge, huge thing. When someone comes in and they 4 00:00:18.660 --> 00:00:23.220 cannot connect with other people. And I'm not saying you have to connect with 5 00:00:23.220 --> 00:00:29.120 everyone. I'm saying like just have some close connections with people. They will 6 00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:36.200 have issues. Because we're not made to be alone. And to be isolated. So we're 7 00:00:36.200 --> 00:00:40.580 wired for connection. And when that is not happening, creates a lot of 8 00:00:40.580 --> 00:00:44.200 malfunctions. Basically all of them. Mental, emotional, physical, spiritual 9 00:00:44.200 --> 00:00:48.240 malfunctions. So we want people in... 10 00:00:48.240 --> 00:01:00.000 So okay. So I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna answer that 11 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:07.920 question in a second. So the thing with this is that there are 12 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:16.000 actually three modes with this one. So if someone's not in connection mode, I call 13 00:01:16.040 --> 00:01:19.800 it. Which means they're freely connecting with other people. Their heart is open. 14 00:01:19.800 --> 00:01:25.440 There's no walls or barriers. They're able to connect with people the way they 15 00:01:25.440 --> 00:01:31.200 were created to. To connect. When they're not in that, they're either going to be 16 00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:40.360 in stagnant mode or conflict mode. So conflict mode is when you are... You 17 00:01:40.360 --> 00:01:45.320 actually can create conflict with people in your life if you're not in connection 18 00:01:45.360 --> 00:01:47.960 mode. If you're not in connection mode. Without realizing that's what you're 19 00:01:47.960 --> 00:01:53.760 doing. And if you're... So you can be in relationships with people and 20 00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:58.920 maybe you're not in conflict but it's just stagnant. There's not 21 00:01:58.920 --> 00:02:04.000 life... There's no life giving going back and forth. There's no life being given or 22 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:09.120 shared or connection with them. It's just kind of blah. There's just... You're just 23 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:16.400 existing. And so I use this... Oh, so when you're... When someone's in connection mode, 24 00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:21.720 there's nothing blocking their heart from freely and fully connecting with 25 00:02:21.720 --> 00:02:28.920 people that they love. You know, significant people in their life. Your 26 00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:35.080 forgiveness... You know, your forgiveness and grace is given freely. Unconditional 27 00:02:35.120 --> 00:02:41.640 love is given freely. So when you're in a relationship with another person, it's 28 00:02:41.640 --> 00:02:45.320 your natural response to forgive them and have grace. That's your natural response 29 00:02:45.320 --> 00:02:50.760 to them when they let you down or do something. That's your most natural 30 00:02:50.760 --> 00:02:56.400 response. And then, you know, your unconditional love because we're 31 00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:01.160 constantly filled to overflowing with unconditional love by the Father, by God. 32 00:03:01.240 --> 00:03:06.120 Every moment of every day. And so out of that, you then extend that to people. You 33 00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:09.520 give them unconditional love because that's what you have. So that means 34 00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:16.640 there's no conditions. You're 100% committed to that person regardless 35 00:03:16.640 --> 00:03:21.160 of what they do or don't do. And there's no plan B. Now, I'm not talking about 36 00:03:21.160 --> 00:03:26.400 abuse. I'm not talking about abusive relationships or something like that or 37 00:03:26.400 --> 00:03:30.560 someone... You know, I know people that have gotten married to people and then 38 00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:33.920 found out they had a mental illness and it went really bad. So I'm not talking 39 00:03:33.920 --> 00:03:42.800 about that. I'm talking about just the natural abilities again and the way 40 00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:49.880 that we're made to connect with people and to love. So I use this. You said 41 00:03:49.880 --> 00:03:54.400 there's 3 modes? Yes. So connection mode. Oh, connection is one of the 3. Yeah. 42 00:03:55.000 --> 00:04:01.560 When the heart is open, no judgments, no walls, forgiveness is flowing, 43 00:04:01.560 --> 00:04:08.200 unconditional love. Stagnant mode is you're not in conflict but there's not 44 00:04:08.200 --> 00:04:12.480 connecting. And there's like a lack of progress in the relationship and it's 45 00:04:12.480 --> 00:04:19.279 just lifeless. And then conflict mode, literally what this is, is when your 46 00:04:19.480 --> 00:04:24.400 love that you have to give is blocked. And so when you're in conflict mode, 47 00:04:24.400 --> 00:04:30.000 you're harming yourself because you're made and born to love. So when the love 48 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:35.040 that you have, you're not giving it. And the life, because you hold the life force, 49 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:43.040 when you're not giving life and love to someone else, you harm yourself. 50 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:48.640 And you're also... So when you're blocking the love that you have to give, 51 00:04:48.640 --> 00:04:53.000 you start to create discord and disharmony and division with the people around you. 52 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:57.400 Because you can't be in a relationship with someone when love's not flowing. 53 00:04:57.400 --> 00:04:59.760 It doesn't work. It's like the... 54 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.400 why do you create conflict because you're always searching you're because humans are naturally 55 00:05:04.400 --> 00:05:11.520 trying to connect in some way so they're trying to connect they're just maybe i think i think that 56 00:05:11.520 --> 00:05:18.160 there's so many of those um yeah there's so i wrote down a few you know there are a few reasons 57 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:26.400 for this um you know lingering um unforgiveness from the past right you know if you're in a 58 00:05:26.400 --> 00:05:30.400 been in a relationship with someone and you're you haven't forgiven and you have these lingering 59 00:05:30.400 --> 00:05:37.440 things you may be constantly projecting that into the relationship instead of love totally 60 00:05:37.440 --> 00:05:41.200 and so you even if you don't want to be in conflict with the person you're going to be 61 00:05:41.200 --> 00:05:45.200 constantly creating conflict because you're not giving love and you're not being life-giving 62 00:05:45.200 --> 00:05:51.600 you're actually you're giving i don't know what you're getting unforgiveness and judgment and 63 00:05:52.400 --> 00:05:59.360 um heart wall this is helping me understand my brother and sister-in-law um another thing fear 64 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:05.840 fear of being known fear of being known and i see this a lot with men that come in and they 65 00:06:05.840 --> 00:06:12.640 a lot of men have this belief that if someone really knows them they they they would be 66 00:06:12.640 --> 00:06:20.400 disappointed yeah and they wouldn't really like what they see so um sorry so you said you can't 67 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:24.720 connect with love because you've blocked it for some reason so then you end up connecting through 68 00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:31.760 conflicts connecting through conflicts oh i like that connecting through conflicts um this also 69 00:06:31.760 --> 00:06:36.720 you're going to have you're going to be on the defense so you'll have defensiveness um and it 70 00:06:36.720 --> 00:06:43.440 becomes a habit it becomes a habit of self-protection so to protect from getting hurt being 71 00:06:43.440 --> 00:06:49.600 rejected being a disappointment to someone or whatever is going on but this is when i use this 72 00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:58.000 i've used this a lot um when someone comes in with a marriage issue and i've seen a lot of people 73 00:06:58.560 --> 00:07:05.440 um over the years doing this and this works phenomenally with marriage issues um and so i've 74 00:07:05.440 --> 00:07:11.440 seen it with marriage issues i've also oh i've done i've used this i've also used this when someone 75 00:07:11.440 --> 00:07:16.800 comes in with a issue with their child like a lot of mothers and fathers will come in and they're 76 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:21.920 having a problem with their teenager or with their kid and it works really well and um 77 00:07:24.080 --> 00:07:32.320 the really great thing about this is that if one person if one spouse or one parent comes in and 78 00:07:32.320 --> 00:07:38.240 they address their mode it changes the whole relationship or even the child if it's a child 79 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:45.360 and they have yes even if it's the child and they change it only takes one person because once one 80 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:50.640 person is in connection mode the other person will respond differently it's just how it works 81 00:07:50.640 --> 00:07:55.600 because if if you're connecting your heart is open you're giving love forgiveness mercy 82 00:07:55.600 --> 00:08:00.320 unconditional love the other person on the other end is going to feel safe number one they're going 83 00:08:00.320 --> 00:08:06.480 to feel like oh they're not constantly critiquing what i'm doing you know it just it creates this 84 00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:12.400 safe comfortable atmosphere and environment for them to be themselves and to just let down and 85 00:08:12.400 --> 00:08:18.400 relax and um when someone can relax in a relationship and just be themselves that's 86 00:08:18.400 --> 00:08:23.440 when you can start making progress it's when someone feels like they're never good enough 87 00:08:23.440 --> 00:08:29.120 i'm never doing a good enough job i have you know um you know because whether you 88 00:08:30.320 --> 00:08:34.559 what do you say what'd you say unless the other person's a narcissist then i'm guessing it wouldn't 89 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:38.559 unless the other person's a narcissist that's why i'm not talking about that i'm not talking about 90 00:08:38.640 --> 00:08:43.120 narcissism mental illness no right you may not realize they're a narcissist you're just you're 91 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:48.800 meeting them you just think these are two normal people you know whether it's a couple or a parent 92 00:08:48.800 --> 00:08:54.720 and their child or whatever but i'm guessing if you see the other the one party's changing 93 00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:59.840 and this other one isn't then is that maybe a tip for okay wait we maybe got some other stuff going 94 00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:06.480 on here because the other party should yes well and and so suzy i'm glad you brought that up 95 00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:11.680 because i've been seeing this more and more with one either a spouse or a child that comes in and 96 00:09:11.680 --> 00:09:18.080 is married to a narcissist or has a parent that that is one and it it is so destructive and what 97 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:25.600 makes it really hard is that it's subtle and so um it's hard to detect because usually narcissists 98 00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:32.480 have some really great qualities about them very charming and they come across as very confident 99 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:40.480 and um it's very hard to detect and especially for for a child that and i i've i've seen like 100 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:46.000 older children like people in there usually when a kid is about 18 to 20 they'll start to realize it 101 00:09:46.560 --> 00:09:50.400 and they've grown up with it and so they don't even know they don't know any different really 102 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:57.840 that's love to them it's love and it's a distortion of love and um it's so destructive because you 103 00:09:57.840 --> 00:09:59.920 know if if they were beating them 104 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.680 it would be easier because it'd be obvious to be like oh that's abuse yeah 105 00:10:03.680 --> 00:10:07.720 but with not the narcissistic person in a relationship you can't always tell 106 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:11.140 it's it's not obvious that it's a beautiful and they're generally in 107 00:10:11.140 --> 00:10:16.520 denial if you try to fix it with them yeah yeah so it's almost like this 108 00:10:16.520 --> 00:10:21.600 little toxic relationship yes allowed to coexist forever and ever yes so I've 109 00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:27.360 actually worked with these relationship issues like I said I have several about 110 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:33.040 20 year olds that have parents and it's very difficult for them but what I do is 111 00:10:33.040 --> 00:10:39.200 I actually I want them in connection mode because I want them to connect with 112 00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:44.520 people in the the true relationship like it what it's supposed to really look 113 00:10:44.520 --> 00:10:48.440 like and so so you're getting them in connection mode you're teaching them 114 00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:53.160 coaching them on what it looks like what it is and what it's not and then even if 115 00:10:53.160 --> 00:10:59.560 they change their mode their parent may not change their end but the kid will 116 00:10:59.560 --> 00:11:05.960 will start to again respond differently to the parent they will be very they 117 00:11:05.960 --> 00:11:09.560 will still give forgiveness and mercy so they're not holding they're not holding 118 00:11:09.560 --> 00:11:12.400 anything against that person they're just like this is who they are I'm 119 00:11:12.400 --> 00:11:18.600 accepting them but the the kid will start to develop more I'm just saying 120 00:11:18.600 --> 00:11:23.480 the kid will change as well it'll they'll start to stand up for themselves 121 00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:28.400 they'll start to recognize you know when someone's controlling them and what that 122 00:11:28.400 --> 00:11:35.800 looks like and how do I respond to that because they you want to break that 123 00:11:35.800 --> 00:11:39.760 pattern so they don't go into future relationships in conflict mode because 124 00:11:39.760 --> 00:11:51.800 that's not going to help them yeah yeah you want that you want to set them up 125 00:11:51.800 --> 00:11:56.360 for relationship success and for them that means getting them into connection 126 00:11:56.360 --> 00:11:59.560 mode so they could they connect to the right people not people that were like 127 00:11:59.560 --> 00:12:08.160 their parents yes that's right so did I answer your question that I said I would 128 00:12:08.160 --> 00:12:17.960 get to in a second I think so when does it come up so yeah so I use this well 129 00:12:17.960 --> 00:12:22.760 yeah it's usually when they come in and they're having a marriage problem yeah 130 00:12:22.760 --> 00:12:29.800 yeah or they'll tell me you know I'm having a problem with my kid you know no 131 00:12:29.800 --> 00:12:34.440 matter what I do we're just and you see this with a little like teenagers and 132 00:12:34.440 --> 00:12:40.800 older kids like I had a it was really sad really nice Christian family woman 133 00:12:40.800 --> 00:12:47.080 I had seen her personally and then her kid turned I don't know 16 or 17 and 134 00:12:47.080 --> 00:12:53.000 just got very aggressive and violent and he would like hit well actually he never 135 00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:57.400 hit her but he almost did like she was scared he would he would lose his temper 136 00:12:57.400 --> 00:13:02.120 and he would get very he couldn't control himself and so she would have to 137 00:13:02.120 --> 00:13:08.120 like lock go in her room and lock the door and so I don't know that that's an 138 00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:14.880 example that that's an extreme example but but I I worked on her own connection 139 00:13:14.880 --> 00:13:24.760 mode and the problem resolved itself yeah yeah and so I don't know I mean 140 00:13:24.760 --> 00:13:31.240 whatever she changed in her it was not triggering him anymore to blow up yeah 141 00:13:31.560 --> 00:13:37.440 so and it might have been something from the womb you don't know yeah yeah and he 142 00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:44.040 did have some other things going on too but fixing her end was a huge piece 143 00:13:44.040 --> 00:13:47.640 because they were no longer in conflict and so if they're no longer in conflict 144 00:13:47.640 --> 00:13:53.320 she can support him and getting through what he's going through and yeah instead 145 00:13:53.320 --> 00:13:59.440 of adding more stress to him and the household helping bring the healing mode 146 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:04.320 helping bring the healing mode yes well and the thing is you know things should 147 00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:10.680 be having raised a son things shift as they grow and they develop and they 148 00:14:10.680 --> 00:14:14.400 become adolescents and they come into adulthood and all of that they need 149 00:14:14.400 --> 00:14:19.560 different things from their mom how she related to him when he was a child 150 00:14:19.560 --> 00:14:25.680 worked for his connection needs but now he's needing connection with his mom in 151 00:14:25.680 --> 00:14:30.480 a different way she wasn't in connection mode he wasn't able to get 152 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:34.800 what he needed from her so then he's resentful I mean his spirit is resentful 153 00:14:34.800 --> 00:14:41.240 of her you know whoa Susie that's good you could do a session right now with 154 00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:50.080 somebody yeah absolutely absolutely yeah so I always use this with relationship 155 00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:56.920 issues and I mean relationship issues are one of the biggest issues in in life 156 00:14:56.920 --> 00:15:01.400 yeah and and the 157 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.600 clearing of the relationship issues and the getting through them is some of the 158 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:11.920 best breakthrough that you can help somebody with. And I've also had people 159 00:15:11.920 --> 00:15:17.640 that have had issues with their, I've had fathers and mothers that have had 160 00:15:17.640 --> 00:15:23.840 issues with their children. Like one of my clients, her son had a drug 161 00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:29.160 problem and you know it was just, she was in turmoil over it right? As you would be 162 00:15:29.160 --> 00:15:33.600 and you know no matter what she did she kept trying to confront him and get him 163 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:39.320 help and he just wouldn't listen, you know, wouldn't have anything to do with 164 00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:44.320 her really, didn't even want to hear anything from her. So did this whole 165 00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:47.960 thing connection mode, she was not in connection mode, she was in conflict mode. 166 00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:51.440 And so every time she would try to talk to them it turned into a big conflict. 167 00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:57.680 Instead of it being, I want to help you, let's get help, it was. I'm sorry, are 168 00:15:57.680 --> 00:16:01.800 you're checking, are you in connection mode with this person specifically when 169 00:16:01.800 --> 00:16:04.800 you're saying, are you in connection mode? Or is this like in general and like... 170 00:16:04.800 --> 00:16:09.520 Good question, good question. So I use this usually when someone comes in with 171 00:16:09.520 --> 00:16:13.920 a specific relationship problem like I just mentioned. But I have had people 172 00:16:13.920 --> 00:16:21.000 that are loners and they don't have connection with anyone. And so that's 173 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:25.240 another thing where you will discern that and maybe pick up on it. And that's 174 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:27.760 gonna be really important for them. Because like I said, they don't have to 175 00:16:27.760 --> 00:16:32.200 connect with everyone. But if someone comes in and they have a heart wall, 176 00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:36.360 that's another thing. If somebody has a heart wall. Well, you know, they've built 177 00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:40.680 up barriers and walls around their heart that nobody comes in, you know, they're 178 00:16:40.680 --> 00:16:47.400 not, they're just behind their wall. They're, they're gonna be causing a lot 179 00:16:47.400 --> 00:16:56.040 of harm to themselves again. Yeah, so. Okay, so let's do how. 180 00:16:56.040 --> 00:17:00.720 I think you did this with me also relative to singleness. I think you 181 00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:05.680 tested that because we were talking about, you know, where's the new husband, right? 182 00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:15.960 And wanting to make sure that I was in connection mode. I forgot about that. Yes, 183 00:17:15.960 --> 00:17:18.920 see, a lot of times I just go by what I'm sensing. That's why I was trying to 184 00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:25.000 organize it all. How can I share it? But you're right, Susie. Yes. Maybe kind of 185 00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:28.280 goes along with the loner thing. Not that I'm a loner, but in maybe in that 186 00:17:28.280 --> 00:17:34.240 category, right? In that category of romantic relationships. Maybe I was being 187 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:38.800 a loner and I didn't know it. Yes, yes. You don't realize you're not. You don't 188 00:17:38.800 --> 00:17:45.280 realize what you really want. You don't know why though. Yeah, so it's a very spiritual or energetic thing. 189 00:17:45.280 --> 00:17:50.320 It's a subconscious energetic thing. You're creating. You're giving off what you're available with. Yeah, yeah. 190 00:17:50.320 --> 00:17:53.040 That's interesting because I have a lot of girlfriends that are single in their 191 00:17:53.040 --> 00:17:58.280 late 30s and they don't know why. Yeah, so many. You know? Yeah. And they're great girls. 192 00:17:58.280 --> 00:18:01.840 And I don't, I don't, every situation could be different, but I'm always like, 193 00:18:01.840 --> 00:18:05.280 you know, what's going on behind the scenes? So they can be your practice. They can be your practice client. 194 00:18:05.280 --> 00:18:10.320 Because, so I just, that reminds me, Susie, I just did this with a girl that 195 00:18:10.320 --> 00:18:15.440 just a month ago that came in. She's in her 30s and she's had like a string of 196 00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:20.760 bad relationships. And she's a believer. She's a darling Christian girl. She's 197 00:18:20.760 --> 00:18:25.760 successful in her work and all that. And, you know, she's had just kind of a string 198 00:18:25.760 --> 00:18:31.920 of yucky guys, you know? And so you want to go like, why? Why? Why are you not 199 00:18:31.920 --> 00:18:37.000 attracting the people that match your value? Or are you like, for Susie, like, 200 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:41.480 are you subconsciously blocking people out without realizing it? Yeah. So that, 201 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:47.480 yes. Thank you. That needs to be added. And I'll say, Nicole, I mean, while I don't have any men knocking on my 202 00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:51.840 door, as Holly and I went through this, because when I signed up for her for this year, 203 00:18:51.840 --> 00:18:55.000 I was like, Holly, here's, here's my challenges. And one of them was, where's 204 00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:59.040 the husband? And so I was like, can you help me with that? And, you know, we ended, 205 00:18:59.040 --> 00:19:02.560 like, there were definitely things that were, that got uncovered and that we 206 00:19:02.560 --> 00:19:08.600 dealt with. So I mean, it was, I don't, even though there's not someone knocking on my 207 00:19:08.600 --> 00:19:14.520 door, it doesn't mean that it wasn't, it wasn't productive and necessary. And so 208 00:19:14.520 --> 00:19:20.000 I think, Nicole, like, it could totally be helpful for these women to go through 209 00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:23.760 the process, because there could be things that are standing in the way that 210 00:19:23.760 --> 00:19:37.760 they don't, they don't realize are standing in the way. Right, right, right. That's cool. Well, my mother-in-law met her husband in Kalispell, so she just got remarried. I'll release that testimony on YouTube. 211 00:19:37.760 --> 00:19:51.760 Woohoo! The testimony of Jesus through the prophecy. It's all over. It's right. It's true. Exactly. Yeah. She's gonna marry this summer. I love that. 212 00:19:51.760 --> 00:20:01.760 She met him line dancing. No way. Yeah. There you go. Aw, that's so cute. Line dancing in Kalispell. That'll do it. 213 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.960 So the process for this is the same. You're muscle testing for someone. Are you in connection mode? 214 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:11.760 And if you get a no, you're asking what is blocking that? Because you're wired to connect 215 00:20:12.320 --> 00:20:20.320 with people. So what's blocking you from connecting freely? Yeah. And then you go to 216 00:20:20.320 --> 00:20:24.720 the mind map. And then you go to the map. So whatever comes up... Do you go to the map the 217 00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:29.600 very beginning? Or are you like, we're going to just go in the emotion world where it's like 218 00:20:29.600 --> 00:20:35.920 just the emotions and beliefs? No, I check the whole thing. You start at the beginning. Yeah. 219 00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:42.640 I check the whole thing. But you start with healing mode. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. 220 00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:47.760 Yeah. This is so interesting. Or connection mode. So then whatever comes up, you release it. You're 221 00:20:47.760 --> 00:20:52.880 clearing out the blockages. And then before they leave, you test are you in connection mode 222 00:20:53.760 --> 00:20:57.600 to make sure. So you're clearing all their relationship blocks.