WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:29.000
Merry Christmas from Norway. Hi everyone. In Norway we celebrate on the 24th, we don't celebrate on the 25th, so we have decorated a Christmas tree and we eat together, we have like a really nice meal on the 24th and then we go to church together.

2
00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:42.000
And then in the end we gather in front of the Christmas tree and we open presents at night, so there's no opening on the 25th.

3
00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:52.000
So I just wanted to say, pop by quickly and say Merry Christmas. And yeah, I'm sorry this is such a late journey share.

4
00:00:52.000 --> 00:01:04.000
I was really, really happy to meet you guys during the rest group. I don't know, maybe I just felt a bit lonely going through this alone here in Norway with Ashley.

5
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:14.000
It has been super great, but just no one around me really understands what I'm going through. I share with them, I have really great friends that I can share with.

6
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:26.000
But some of the things that the Holy Spirit has been doing in me through this group is so deep things that I haven't been able to articulate it.

7
00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:35.000
It's just been like, there's something deep, it's about rest, it's about learning to live in a different way, it's about letting go, it's about union with God.

8
00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:51.000
I try to explain, but it doesn't really cover what I'm going through. So when I met you guys during the rest group, it was so great just to feel a part of, with someone that actually understands exactly what it is.

9
00:01:51.000 --> 00:02:01.000
And you guys are going through the same thing. So thank you so much. Thanks so much for encouraging me and for just being there.

10
00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:08.000
Now I know you're out there in the world and going through the exact same things.

11
00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:16.000
And I actually barely managed to come and do a journey share right now. It's been, and I've been putting it off.

12
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:25.000
It's been a really busy week because I travel, this is my hometown, and I traveled by car five hours and I've been a bit in and out.

13
00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:37.000
Busy work ending and then traveling home for Christmas. So it's been, and lots of Christmas parties and things going on.

14
00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:41.000
I bet some of you also probably have been busy this week.

15
00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:51.000
So, but also it's been, I haven't really known what to share and things have been also hard.

16
00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:58.000
So I think I haven't really known how to express that or talk about it with you.

17
00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:16.000
So, what can I say? I think it hit me. It's been, sometimes when you're going through something, it's challenging, but you're going through it and you just have to.

18
00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:23.000
But then your body has time to relax. It's holidays, you come home and then suddenly it all hits you.

19
00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:34.000
So the thing that happened in the church and that I actually have now a challenging relationship with several people in the church and it happened like that.

20
00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:49.000
I think it really got to me because I really need to be in myself. I really want to do everything I can to be in a right relationship with someone.

21
00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:58.000
And when things don't work out right away, I often end up in a lot of condemnation and self-doubt and what can I have done better?

22
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:08.000
Or what did I do wrong this time? And why? And also at the same time, it also becomes an accusation against them and against God.

23
00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:27.000
Sometimes, like, why did they treat me like this? So it just hit me that I was part of, by opening up and sharing about my life that Sunday, it started like a little struggle.

24
00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:35.000
Not a war maybe, but a little struggle, a big struggle in the church. So I was kind of the one causing it by opening up.

25
00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:49.000
And just when you start to go into it and try to fix things, also sometimes it becomes more messy because more people get involved and then they react to what you're doing or you react to what they're doing.

26
00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:58.000
So then the issue kind of started like this small and then it grows when you're trying to solve it.

27
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:06.300
So I think that hit me my part in that and also the realizing that part of me

28
00:05:06.300 --> 00:05:11.320
struggled to trust them and to believe the best about them and that that is

29
00:05:11.320 --> 00:05:16.980
something coming from I think rejection wounds in me like pain from my past that

30
00:05:16.980 --> 00:05:24.640
it makes it sometimes hard to trust people. So one night I spent time with

31
00:05:24.640 --> 00:05:31.960
Jesus because it just came up became so much in my life condemnation and that

32
00:05:31.960 --> 00:05:36.960
all these struggles with people and how am I gonna carry this how I'm gonna

33
00:05:36.960 --> 00:05:41.560
carry this because some of it has opened up for conflict that we need to go

34
00:05:41.560 --> 00:05:46.320
through we see that we are affected by our past our wounds and there are things

35
00:05:46.320 --> 00:05:50.200
that God needs to heal in us and mend in the relationship and to build trust

36
00:05:50.200 --> 00:05:58.080
again so I think in several relationships we decided to do to have a

37
00:05:58.080 --> 00:06:01.200
commitment to each other and we are gonna go through it but it's not gonna

38
00:06:01.200 --> 00:06:06.000
happen super fast it might take time we might need to talk to each other once

39
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:11.640
twice five times and pray together through it to get through it and not

40
00:06:11.640 --> 00:06:16.040
just like oh I forgive you and then it's fine this time it's been like no it's

41
00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:20.680
gonna be a process to trust again and to so we need to have maybe multiple

42
00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:25.160
talks with some of the people that were affected and that of course requires

43
00:06:25.160 --> 00:06:30.960
more of me and of us because it's easy sometimes it's easy for me just to

44
00:06:30.960 --> 00:06:36.160
forgive but then I just distance myself a little bit from them afterwards you

45
00:06:36.160 --> 00:06:41.320
know what I mean you love them and you respect them and you forgive them but a

46
00:06:41.320 --> 00:06:45.760
little part of you is just like okay I'm just not gonna go deep with her

47
00:06:45.760 --> 00:06:49.760
anymore I'm not gonna share as much or I'm just gonna have a little bit of a

48
00:06:49.760 --> 00:06:56.560
distance and I think that is what God is challenging me to not do to go through

49
00:06:56.560 --> 00:07:00.000
it and to actually where you come to a point where you actually become closer

50
00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:05.760
to the ones that hurt you and that you might have heard too and that takes more

51
00:07:05.760 --> 00:07:11.800
time and more talks more prayer more grace and a lot more love and

52
00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:17.240
overbearing especially if you feel like the other part is not seeing it and not

53
00:07:17.240 --> 00:07:21.320
taking their responsibility then I still need to take responsibility for my own

54
00:07:21.320 --> 00:07:26.000
things so oh my gosh this is gonna be a quick sharing but I asked the Holy

55
00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:31.200
Spirit to talk them through me so maybe this makes sense to some of you anyways

56
00:07:31.200 --> 00:07:37.280
it just culminated in a lot of condemnation a lot of rejection feeling

57
00:07:37.280 --> 00:07:43.880
and what am I gonna do now and what have I caused and I spent time one night

58
00:07:43.880 --> 00:07:50.720
just praying out calling out to God and also maybe with this rest feeling like I

59
00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:57.720
hit like a little bit of a roadblock in like is this really real now it's gonna

60
00:07:57.720 --> 00:08:04.640
end in 31st of December what was this do I really believe in this suddenly there

61
00:08:04.640 --> 00:08:08.920
came a lot of doubt is this really working and also I think that to one

62
00:08:08.920 --> 00:08:13.800
extent I was feeling like I was thinking that I shouldn't feel when I had bad

63
00:08:13.800 --> 00:08:17.480
feelings I thought it was wrong oh no I'm supposed to feel rest oh no I'm

64
00:08:17.480 --> 00:08:21.160
supposed to feel peace it's not supposed to be this way oh I'm doing

65
00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:27.240
something wrong and then I thought over so then I struggled and felt condemned

66
00:08:27.240 --> 00:08:35.760
every time I would feel sad or upset or angry or something and think that I was

67
00:08:35.760 --> 00:08:38.799
doing something wrong and maybe this rest thing doesn't work because I'm

68
00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:46.640
angry and then I remembered that I actually said that if you just accept

69
00:08:46.640 --> 00:08:52.600
the feelings of anger and sadness or resentment or whatever then you will

70
00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:58.840
pass more quickly through it because so then I thought so maybe rest is not

71
00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:05.120
about avoiding those feelings the anger and the sadness maybe it's not that oh

72
00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:08.320
you're doing something wrong or you're not if you were really in rest you

73
00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:15.040
wouldn't feel angry maybe it's that I'm opening up a space for it and allowing

74
00:09:15.040 --> 00:09:22.360
it but moving through it quickly so that the anger will subside and that I can

75
00:09:22.360 --> 00:09:28.760
cry or get things out and then move on so that's some of the processes and one

76
00:09:28.760 --> 00:09:36.240
night I really spent time just choosing God even even now that I have all this

77
00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:41.280
doubt even though I don't know if this working I feel anger and sadness and a

78
00:09:41.280 --> 00:09:46.760
lot of feelings that makes me feel like I'm not in rest I spent time just I just

79
00:09:46.760 --> 00:09:56.680
choose you and even though I don't feel it even though I don't even know what to

80
00:09:56.680 --> 00:10:01.560
think or feel anymore so

81
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.600
And then I got a little bit better, but I feel like it's

82
00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:07.400
to be honest, it is a little bit of a

83
00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:14.960
Going up and down and also challenges with being back for Christmas, which I'm sure that maybe some of you also feel

84
00:10:17.760 --> 00:10:24.160
That there are challenges with being with family and there's challenging with challenges with with seeing

85
00:10:24.900 --> 00:10:26.960
Loved ones again and things come up

86
00:10:27.960 --> 00:10:35.080
So I would love to talk to you guys about that and share more when we're meeting in the rest group

87
00:10:37.280 --> 00:10:42.960
What I can say is that I love my family have very close family

88
00:10:44.040 --> 00:10:45.880
but there are

89
00:10:45.880 --> 00:10:47.280
one

90
00:10:47.280 --> 00:10:51.520
Family member that decided that he didn't want to follow Jesus anymore last year

91
00:10:51.800 --> 00:10:56.160
which has caused the rest of us a lot of pain and

92
00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:03.520
Makes it sometimes hard around Christmas when it's about Jesus. We're gathering because he was born

93
00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:08.680
So that is something that is really challenging for me to know how to meet him

94
00:11:08.800 --> 00:11:14.080
How to love him and how to be a family where we share Christ together at Christmas

95
00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:17.560
But he's there and he doesn't believe anymore. So I think that's

96
00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:21.440
One of the challenges I face being home. I

97
00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:27.600
Would love to share more and hear more of your stories this became longer than I thought

98
00:11:27.800 --> 00:11:31.680
I was just gonna share do a really really quick sharing

99
00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:36.880
I'm just really happy that I managed I've been it's been so hard for me to come online

100
00:11:37.320 --> 00:11:40.800
This week, but I'm just happy that I got to share with you

101
00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:44.240
Thanks so much for listening and

102
00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:46.960
I'll talk to you guys later

103
00:11:47.520 --> 00:11:50.520
Merry Merry Christmas from Norway

104
00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:53.680
You