WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:10.720 Hello! It's a beautiful day here in Kansas where I live. My name is Cicely Wyatt and 2 00:00:10.720 --> 00:00:21.440 my husband and I, Dustin, will be doing the rest-intensive. I've never done one. 3 00:00:21.440 --> 00:00:31.200 Well, I did Ashley's mini one that she did in Amish country. I don't remember 4 00:00:31.200 --> 00:00:40.520 when that was. And this is my first rest-intensive so I'm a little... I've 5 00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:46.880 watched a lot of her teachings before but never done an intensive so I'm 6 00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:53.200 excited to be here. I'm a little nervous. I've been like watching the videos and 7 00:00:53.200 --> 00:00:59.440 being like wanting to come on here but being like I don't know really where to 8 00:00:59.440 --> 00:01:11.080 start and I'm kind of an over-sharer. I just I don't know how to like get to the 9 00:01:11.080 --> 00:01:19.480 point sometimes so hopefully this isn't like 30 minutes long. But I was introduced 10 00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:28.160 to Ashley because of Carrie Filer. Hi Carrie! A couple years ago I had a 11 00:01:28.160 --> 00:01:37.560 pretty significant health scare and it just sent me in an absolute tailspin and 12 00:01:37.600 --> 00:01:44.960 never experienced that kind of anxiety in my life, depression, just psychological 13 00:01:44.960 --> 00:01:56.080 things. And I'm a stay-at-home mom. My husband worked nine to five, eight to five 14 00:01:56.080 --> 00:02:05.480 you know job and my son is five and that's at the time he was three and he's 15 00:02:05.480 --> 00:02:15.320 just a very, I don't like using the word challenging, but he is very full of life 16 00:02:15.320 --> 00:02:20.200 and just never stops you know from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes 17 00:02:20.200 --> 00:02:24.920 to sleep. And we were living in a place where I just didn't have a lot of 18 00:02:24.920 --> 00:02:32.240 community and you know about four hours from all of our family and I just I was 19 00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:42.360 just really struggling really badly. And I've never met Carrie in person and I 20 00:02:42.360 --> 00:02:47.440 think I started following her on Instagram because of her sister Loretta 21 00:02:47.440 --> 00:02:52.960 because I did some sourdough stuff with Loretta and I don't even know how I 22 00:02:52.960 --> 00:02:58.600 found Loretta. But I just had followed Carrie's journey you know for a while 23 00:02:58.600 --> 00:03:03.680 and then saw that she had come on and just started talking about how so much 24 00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:07.600 had changed in her life and her relationship with the Lord and I could 25 00:03:07.600 --> 00:03:11.360 just relate to a lot of the things that she was saying so I reaped up to her and 26 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:21.400 she started sharing with me about rest. And excuse me, I have just I have similar 27 00:03:21.400 --> 00:03:26.600 story to Ashley and some of you others like I just I grew up in the church and 28 00:03:26.640 --> 00:03:31.760 have always been a Christian and have always been the good girl and done the 29 00:03:31.760 --> 00:03:41.880 right thing and you know just been good and faithful and you know done all the 30 00:03:41.880 --> 00:03:46.800 things and been in church and been in ministry and been on worship teams and 31 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:54.080 you know served and served and served and created my community from you know 32 00:03:54.080 --> 00:04:00.000 like-minded people and and when all this well I feel like I started kind of 33 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:08.680 questioning things when my son was born of just like how I wanted to treat him 34 00:04:08.680 --> 00:04:17.320 didn't line up with like how I felt like what I knew of God treated me you know 35 00:04:17.320 --> 00:04:24.360 it's like I have very like perspective of God that like he's a punisher and I 36 00:04:24.360 --> 00:04:29.280 have to do all these things in order to be in right standing with him and and 37 00:04:29.280 --> 00:04:34.360 and then I had a child and and I just was like this is how I feel about my 38 00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:43.480 child like these are this isn't the way I would treat my my son and and I was 39 00:04:43.480 --> 00:04:48.640 just like this doesn't make sense to me anymore you know and and so I began to 40 00:04:48.640 --> 00:04:53.320 kind of question and I would had a mentor at the time he's actually my my 41 00:04:53.320 --> 00:05:01.880 stepmother and it's like she just 42 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:07.360 I wasn't allowed to think differently than that I guess and it just really led me down a worse 43 00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:13.920 path of just more performance and more pressure and more expectation and more getting it right and 44 00:05:15.520 --> 00:05:22.080 you know I can't be upset with the Lord. My son, four months old, developed severe eczema. He's 45 00:05:22.080 --> 00:05:34.720 five and he still struggles with it and at times it's been incredibly bad and you know I began to 46 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:40.080 be like I have to know how to help him and treat him and so I just it just was always like I'm 47 00:05:40.080 --> 00:05:45.200 putting all this pressure on myself that I have to know I have to have all this knowledge. I can't 48 00:05:45.200 --> 00:05:52.880 trust the medicals so you know I did all the diets and all the supplements and all the things with 49 00:05:52.880 --> 00:05:59.120 him and he just never got any better and I just found myself being really angry with the Lord 50 00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:04.160 and just being like you know I've served you my whole life. 51 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:10.480 I've done all these things and I've been this person and I've you know 52 00:06:11.280 --> 00:06:18.080 done it because I made certain decisions because I wanted to please you and I didn't see like 53 00:06:18.080 --> 00:06:25.040 the reciprocation of those choices. What I felt like is I do good and bad would happen and I do 54 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:29.680 more good and more bad would happen and it's just I'm still kind of in the place of like 55 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:36.240 just kind of always waiting for the shoe to drop you know like bad is just right around the corner 56 00:06:36.400 --> 00:06:45.520 the corner like it might be going smooth now but just wait you know and uh and so you know I 57 00:06:45.520 --> 00:06:53.680 started talking with Carrie and um just she began to share with me like her journey and um 58 00:06:55.200 --> 00:07:00.160 I can't remember my stepmom at one point and our relationship is very um 59 00:07:00.960 --> 00:07:02.880 challenging right now let's just put it that way 60 00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:11.040 um and I remember saying to her one time that I was angry at God and she's like you can't be angry 61 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:15.600 at God that's you have to love him with all of your heart soul strength you know and all this 62 00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:20.720 stuff and I was like why would I love somebody that it just feels like he's abusive towards me 63 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:28.000 like why would I do that like and it just began this began this unraveling for me of just being 64 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:34.800 of just being like if this is really who he is I can't trust him I can't love him I can't 65 00:07:35.760 --> 00:07:42.800 give my heart to him and you know just love him more than anybody else in my life like I can't do 66 00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:49.280 that um and Carrie just really encouraged me to just be honest with God and to just tell him these 67 00:07:49.280 --> 00:07:58.800 things and to be vulnerable with him and um some pretty just you know interesting things began to 68 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:09.920 surface um in all of that and so there's so much like more to it but um it's kind of where I'm at 69 00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:17.840 right now um we've had a really huge like transition um we were living about four hours 70 00:08:17.840 --> 00:08:26.800 away from all of our family with a beautiful home and like an idealistic kind of like neighborhood 71 00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:34.559 and all of this but I was just so lonely and um overwhelmed with life and just told my husband 72 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:42.480 one day I don't know that I can continue to do this and live like this and you know um so we just 73 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:47.760 it's just kind of crazy because we've always my husband's really gifted um 74 00:08:49.920 --> 00:08:56.320 with his hands and uh building and construction and that isn't what he was doing we remodeled 75 00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:00.880 the houses that we've lived in and um and so we had talked about like doing a business 76 00:09:02.560 --> 00:09:08.640 together um fixing up homes whether like our own homes or for clients or whatever so 77 00:09:09.280 --> 00:09:15.040 I just was like what if we just tried this you know we're both 41 and we're just like what if 78 00:09:15.040 --> 00:09:21.280 we just gave it a shot and you know move back closer to family and all this stuff so literally 79 00:09:21.280 --> 00:09:31.440 in like I don't even know like three weeks we'd found a house to fix up sold ours for more than 80 00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:37.120 asking I mean all of these things just fell into place and then I began to just like freak out 81 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:41.440 because I was like oh my gosh why are we leaving this place and what are we doing and 82 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:50.640 I can't believe we're doing this and and things have not gone gone um awesomely um we currently 83 00:09:50.640 --> 00:09:59.840 live in my in-law's basement and the home that we purchased to fix up is an hour from here and um 84 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:08.320 Yeah, it's just my animals aren't what I would consider like believers, you know, like Catholic, 85 00:10:08.320 --> 00:10:13.760 they're Catholic and they just live their life very differently than than we do. 86 00:10:13.760 --> 00:10:20.000 But it's just been it's been interesting to be in that environment and I don't know. 87 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:25.500 And yeah, it's just it kind of feels like all of this stuff like I mean, Carrie said 88 00:10:25.500 --> 00:10:30.380 to me as I'm telling her like how things just were falling into place for us to move and 89 00:10:30.380 --> 00:10:31.380 all that. 90 00:10:31.380 --> 00:10:35.820 She's like, well, sounds like you're in rest because like God is literally like making 91 00:10:35.820 --> 00:10:38.060 all the pieces fall into place. 92 00:10:38.060 --> 00:10:43.500 And I found myself in the process being like, but is this what I want to happen? 93 00:10:43.500 --> 00:10:47.220 You know, and so now we're out here and we're like, well, we don't want to stay out here. 94 00:10:47.220 --> 00:10:48.820 What did we do? 95 00:10:48.820 --> 00:10:54.900 Like, isn't really where we want to raise my our child and, and so 96 00:10:55.500 --> 00:10:59.700 we're just in a place of being like, we have no idea what we're doing and what the Lord 97 00:10:59.700 --> 00:11:00.700 is doing. 98 00:11:00.700 --> 00:11:05.980 And it feels like we got here and then all of the like, pieces falling into place kind 99 00:11:05.980 --> 00:11:07.180 of stopped. 100 00:11:07.180 --> 00:11:10.240 And now we're just like, hey, God, where are you? 101 00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:16.100 And so I'm excited to walk through this group with you all for the next six weeks and beyond. 102 00:11:16.100 --> 00:11:18.540 I don't know. 103 00:11:18.540 --> 00:11:25.180 Because I feel like we just don't really know how to live in rest and don't really know 104 00:11:25.180 --> 00:11:27.180 how to make decisions. 105 00:11:27.180 --> 00:11:32.100 And we went back this weekend to where we moved away from and I just was like, why did 106 00:11:32.100 --> 00:11:33.100 we leave here? 107 00:11:33.100 --> 00:11:39.780 Like, this feels like home and I don't know why I struggled so bad when we were here and, 108 00:11:39.780 --> 00:11:46.340 you know, just all these things and so just a lot of confusion and I can't remember one 109 00:11:46.340 --> 00:11:50.740 of the gals and maybe Steph was like, I'm, you know, the hot mess of the group and I'm 110 00:11:50.740 --> 00:11:54.740 like, I can take that title. 111 00:11:54.740 --> 00:11:59.860 Because yeah, every day I'm just like, I don't even know what we're doing. 112 00:11:59.860 --> 00:12:02.540 So that's me. 113 00:12:02.540 --> 00:12:08.700 My husband will probably not do an intro video or anything like that, but I'm happy that 114 00:12:08.700 --> 00:12:16.220 he is choosing to do the intensive with me and yeah, just meet you guys and grow with 115 00:12:16.220 --> 00:12:21.380 you guys and learn to live this way. 116 00:12:21.380 --> 00:12:27.700 So that is me who stayed till the end, props to you. 117 00:12:27.700 --> 00:12:31.100 So I'm happy to be here and excited to get this started.