WEBVTT

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Hi y'all. I just had a moment in the shower and just wanted to share real

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quick just about just kind of what I'm processing and where I'm at in this

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journey. So a friend and I were talking yesterday about just some struggles

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she's having with an adult daughter and just a realization that like she didn't

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ever really pursue her daughter's heart. She was just very focused on just

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performance and behavior and just stuff like that. Doing things right and she

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said and I just missed my daughter's heart and and so it just got me

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thinking like yeah you know I could say that for my parents too. Like I just I

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grew up very much like you're praised and you're encouraged and you're

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complimented if you're good at stuff you know. If you get good grades, if you you

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know do well in sports. You know my dad's most proud of me when I'm you know

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out on the volleyball court like or weightlifting or doing these things and

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I it's like I've started to see that it's like I'm not able to perform so

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much. Like you know keep a clean house or these kind of things that like it seems

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to people in my life like that the praise and the encouragement and the

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love lessens a bit you know. And so it was just like this realization for me

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that like there's really not many people in my life who have like pursued my

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heart. Yeah I'm like the type of person that kind of like wears my heart on my

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sleeve. And I think it's just because I'm like do you see me? Does anybody see me?

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Like um and so I you know I overshare and I do all these things because I'm

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just like does anybody just see me? Like past all the performing and all the

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things that I can do like am I still lovable you know? And I feel like the

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message I have received most of my life is like no I'm not like unless I'm doing

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all these things then I'm not. Like then nobody sees me you know. You know a child

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has very similar personality to me like very boisterous and just outgoing and

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loving and joyful and he's a lot sometimes. I feel like that was just the

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message I was communicated so much was just you're just a lot. Um and you should

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be different. And so you know I've lived a lot of my life being like you know be

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like Christ. Imitate Christ. Like be like Jesus. Um and not that's bad it's like I

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feel like yes we should want to emulate his character but I feel like so much of

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it has been like my personality is very different than like I wouldn't consider

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myself like meek and mild and you know very outgoing and and so it's like you

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know maybe I'm conservative based off of the fact that I've just been growing up

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in that environment but so I feel like I'm in a bit of an identity crisis and

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all kinds of things right now. So um but I feel like that was just a really big

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revelation to just to just accept that like nobody in my life has really been

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willing to like

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Pursue my heart and if nobody ever is willing, can God come into that and and be the one

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and will that be enough, you know?

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And so I feel like there's more I could say but that's just kind of where I'm at right

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now, like desiring someone to really see me and love me, pursue me, for me.

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So yeah.