WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:15.000 Hi guys, so, this is my journey share, I am excited to get started with this journey share 2 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:16.000 thing. 3 00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:25.160 So, yesterday I journaled my prayers and accusations against God and I actually did it during our 4 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:37.160 fireside chat because I knew that if, that I was feeling, had more faith in, and that 5 00:00:37.160 --> 00:00:42.640 if I did it, if I waited, there was a possibility that I wouldn't do it later. 6 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:48.960 So I just started to do that while listening and I'm really grateful that I did. 7 00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:57.920 I really thought that I didn't have accusations against God, as I had mentioned in the previous 8 00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:04.720 time together online, but I realized that I did about the promises that I thought he'd 9 00:01:04.720 --> 00:01:16.680 said to me and just about my disenchantment with just the overall difficulty of life. 10 00:01:16.680 --> 00:01:23.240 So, it was freeing to get that out and I'm really glad I did. 11 00:01:23.240 --> 00:01:30.040 I did it, I journaled again this morning and it was filled with, my journals were filled 12 00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:37.040 with my thoughts about my marriage and doubt about decisions that I've made in the past 13 00:01:37.040 --> 00:01:44.320 year and I really appreciate Karen for being vulnerable on our fireside chat about her 14 00:01:44.320 --> 00:01:53.360 marriage and Ashley's, I appreciate Ashley's advice about just letting go and situations 15 00:01:53.360 --> 00:02:01.880 and how that kind of related to the grief video that she had added and so that really 16 00:02:01.880 --> 00:02:10.000 encouraged me to just to get it all and to really stop isolating from God, which I realized 17 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:15.920 that earlier in the week that that's really what I had been doing last week and along 18 00:02:15.920 --> 00:02:27.040 with isolating from people and so after the fireside chat yesterday, I, well, my husband, 19 00:02:27.040 --> 00:02:31.440 I was talking to my husband about like just how much better I feel after being on that 20 00:02:31.440 --> 00:02:36.080 and just kind of sharing some of the struggles that I've been going through over the last 21 00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:46.720 like 10 months or so and we, in the course of the conversation, which started off good, 22 00:02:46.720 --> 00:03:01.120 we got into an argument and so normally, you know, that would trigger me but I, you know, 23 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:08.960 I made a point to just release my marriage to God when I journaled this morning about 24 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:16.880 the argument that we had last night and in fact, like journaling my feelings about that 25 00:03:16.880 --> 00:03:24.080 argument really, like, God, he prepared me for that conversation with him that I had 26 00:03:24.080 --> 00:03:29.360 later on this morning, it was really actually pretty early this morning and he, the Papa 27 00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:36.560 just, Papa God gave me such like a sweet experience like with him and so that's like, 28 00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:43.200 I guess, like the second time that I've experienced that, experienced him since being in this 29 00:03:43.200 --> 00:03:52.240 program and it just really comforted me and I felt really secure and so I'm just really, 30 00:03:52.240 --> 00:04:03.680 really thankful for his preparation for that and for not being susceptible to that trigger again. 31 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:11.680 I found that my prayers and journaling my prayers were really, I've been journaling the 32 00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:17.200 thoughts that have been circling around in my head that were like really leading me to like 33 00:04:17.200 --> 00:04:24.560 a dark place and just getting them out and just journaling those thoughts to God instead 34 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:30.160 of just letting them stay in my head just really like made all the difference and I kind of 35 00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:38.320 understand just about, you know, what we learned about God not superseding your free will so even 36 00:04:38.320 --> 00:04:44.080 though he knows you're thinking about it, it's like talking to him about it gives him permission 37 00:04:44.080 --> 00:04:51.520 to do something about it and to step in on your behalf and I just kind of wanted to give 38 00:04:51.520 --> 00:04:59.760 also a couple shout outs and thank you to, first of all, to my friend Reits who 39 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:08.240 Rita told me about this program that our friend Kim had mentioned to her some months ago. 40 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:14.080 So I wanted to clarify that because I misspoke last time I talked about that. 41 00:05:14.080 --> 00:05:19.880 And so I'm really thankful for that because I really need this during this challenging 42 00:05:19.880 --> 00:05:25.000 time that I believe in faith is not going to be as challenging anymore that I'll be 43 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:26.240 able to operate and rest. 44 00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:33.680 But I also want to thank Diana and Karen for just in our conversations talking about mentioning 45 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:40.560 how much the kingship and rest relief exercises, that video for really blessed them. 46 00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:51.360 And so I did that on Wednesday morning and that really helped to like start to help control 47 00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:52.360 those thoughts. 48 00:05:52.360 --> 00:06:00.080 And I think that was a great segue to me, then being able to put them down on paper 49 00:06:00.080 --> 00:06:01.080 recently. 50 00:06:01.080 --> 00:06:07.400 And so I, even though, you know, midweek, I feel like I was in a bit of a haze. 51 00:06:07.400 --> 00:06:13.920 I was freer after having doing doing some of the theta meditation exercise things, but 52 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:16.840 I know I wasn't like I'm pulling back the onion. 53 00:06:16.840 --> 00:06:24.200 And so I definitely feel so much freer today. 54 00:06:24.200 --> 00:06:28.520 The haze has lifted and I just feel really victorious. 55 00:06:28.520 --> 00:06:32.520 And I'm just so thankful for my my friends. 56 00:06:32.520 --> 00:06:40.760 I'm excited about entering this weekend victorious and going on a little girls sleepover with 57 00:06:40.760 --> 00:06:43.040 my friend Kim and Rita. 58 00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:44.040 So that's really exciting. 59 00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:48.080 I'm excited to have somewhere to go, get out of the house and something to look forward 60 00:06:48.080 --> 00:06:49.080 to. 61 00:06:49.080 --> 00:06:57.360 So I just appreciate God because I know he he thought of everything and I know this is 62 00:06:57.360 --> 00:07:03.320 his way of working through Kim to try to help me get out of some of my some of the things 63 00:07:03.320 --> 00:07:05.880 I guess I've been choosing over by. 64 00:07:05.880 --> 00:07:13.080 So thank you so much and I'm looking forward to more victories and going deeper as we continue 65 00:07:13.080 --> 00:07:15.800 over the next few weeks and beyond.