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How was your trip? Oh my goodness, it was so good. Oh yeah, it was good to be home

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though. It was time to come home, but it was, oh, it was just such an amazing time.

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So beautiful out there. I'm so glad. So you stayed with friends of yours? Yeah, we did. Yep. There was a young

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couple that has, they have a little girl the same age as Eric. We were in the same

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youth group and stuff when I was out there and I lived out there. And so we

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stayed there and our kids fought and were terribly bad, but we had a lot of fun.

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Yeah, I saw your, I saw your comment and you know, so-and-so, I hope that, I hope

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that Eric didn't terrorize Danielle, or that Danielle's recovered or something like that.

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Yes, and they were a match for each other. My goodness, they were both, like

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they're both extremely stubborn and they just gave it to each other. Me and my

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friend were like, oh my goodness, they have met their match. Oh, that's cute. But they had a lot of fun. Eric talked about her. I was very jealous that they were walking around in a nut in their bare feet. I thought, that looked like fun. He had the time of his life, that is for sure.

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Yeah, little boy, nothing, nothing a little boy loves more than getting dirty.

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Yeah, that's for sure. Hey Steph, how you doing? Hey. You're in the dark. Yeah, I know. I've got my

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OTT light. I'll have to make it work. Oh no, that's fine. I just thought, you're, you look like you're in a new place. Are you not? Are you just, are you just, I think I know where you are.

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Isn't that your craft office back there? Your craft closet back there? Yep. That's what I thought. So, and that's your new wall. I remember that wall. That's the dangerous hole that's now covered, right? Yeah, yes. No more jumping. The television? Yeah. Okay. So, we're good. No more jumping. You would think with girls there would be no jumping, but no, every child wants to try.

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Yes. Carrie hasn't heard that story. We have 10 foot ceilings, and there are, there was a ventilation hole going up into the stairwell, and there is one in the kitchen still. So, one of the girls didn't tell us until years after she did it, she jumped through the window and landed on the couch. We noticed our couch was really broken down for some reason, but we didn't know why.

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She said, it kind of hurt, but I didn't want to say anything. I thought I'd get in trouble. Yeah, you probably would have.

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So, girls are just as bad as boys.

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Yeah, I will say. I was raised with three sisters, so there's four of us girls, and I'm pretty sure we were just as bad as four boys. Oh my goodness. We were extremely rowdy. We had an older brother, and then there was four girls. I declare, we gave mom way more gray hair than our brother ever did.

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We were like wild Indians. We lived out in the woods, and we would go in and get all kinds of stuff and go out and build houses and forts, and things would go missing in the house that mom never even knew what happened to them. Like, I'm like looking back, like, oh my goodness, I can't believe some of the things we did.

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We had a lot of fun growing up. My goodness. We have a lot of good memories of all the terror we caused our poor mother, but we have a lot of good memories.

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Creates a lot of really fun stories later and bonding.

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All of that.

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Mm hmm.

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That's cute.

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All of your kids finish on there's their tests and stuff.

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Chloe has one more day. She has tomorrow, but we ought to be done by lunchtime. So Dan's mom's bringing pizza for a pizza party.

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Oh,

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To celebrate. I told Emma, it was for her since she's been a big girl. The letters is recess.

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Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

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Remind me how old Emma is

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Or

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For. Okay, okay.

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That's cute. Yeah, my one of my needs for

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Yes, so for and

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14 is Chloe 14 or 15

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Yeah.

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For G 15 and all this

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Yeah, we'll have learned from it all the way down the booster seat.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Well, I've been wondering about how many people are

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On the call. I know that Susan, the new lady. She's not able to get on the call because there were some

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I don't know. She ran into something unexpected Renee. I don't believe it's gonna be on the call. And then who else

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But all of them. Oh, and then I'm assuming Cheryl won't because it's her. It's her anniversary tonight, today, um,

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And then I don't think sure Polar is either. So anyway, it might just be the three of us.

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We will have fun.

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So does anyone have anything that they want to talk about. I mean, sure, to come with a topic this time.

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Meanwhile,

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I'm very jealous.

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Yeah.

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No.

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Like I have an apple and peanut butter that I had to like scarf down

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Still got my people apple over here, which I think it's a honey crisp apple. It's really, really good.

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Yeah, those are good.

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Yeah, they're not as good as always eating.

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I'm almost at the end.

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No, I'm like, actually, I saw you holding something. I was like, is that whatever new snow comes

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In

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Now,

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You're, you're done with them experimenting with recipes for the day.

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Yeah, yeah. I didn't even do that today, but yes.

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What what flavors. Do you have going right now.

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Oh yes, you would ask me like I keep it on my brain. Oh, shoot.

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I mean, good. We're only going to start with like six or eight flavors and because they're also did I just like interrupt the conversation. I'm sorry.

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No, all I was doing was asking people and and you didn't interrupt it. I mean, I was asking you. It's like, hey, we were just talking about the fact that we didn't know if it was just going to be the three of us on the call and then you popped on and we're like, oh, hey, someone knew

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Okay, okay.

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Okay, good. So, um, yes, I'm glad I jumped on. I have to fold tassels here for balloons and a little bit. So we're doing that, but

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Our flavors are

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And hold on. I think, oh, my favorite one that we're doing is like a moose coffee. Have you guys heard of this trendy new moose coffee.

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Wow, if somebody offers it to you drink it. But what it is, is it's like just flavored milk like a latte.

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And then they whip the coffee to like a meringue and then they pour it on top of your coffee and it just slowly or on top of your hot milk or cold milk or whatever. And then it like slowly infiltrates it. It's amazing.

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So you wouldn't think it. But one of the things that's really good and shaved ice is cream, which you would never put ice in a glass of milk. So I don't know why it works.

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But it really, really does. And so we basically just use like a latte base cold

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And then you put this meringue on top. Okay, let me see if I can. I know I have pictures on my phone.

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Yeah, it looks like pie like it.

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So we're doing that one. And then we have watermelon lemon.

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And a bourbon peach pie.

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That sounds good.

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And a strawberry Bay strawberry basil.

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And

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Okay, so I'm getting used to like making everything look beautiful. I'm not really that kind of a cook, but here. Okay. Can you see that

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Yes. Wow, man. That looks good.

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Yeah, I

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For that.

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Yeah, but the coffee part is like strong, strong, crazy strong and I'm not a coffee person and but I like it.

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Yeah, and then we're doing like a cranberry lemonade. No, a cherry lemonade, but it's like, like a black bean cherry and stuff like that. And then everything's, you know, kind of dolloped up and you like make a big deal out of it.

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Yeah, so I mean the snow cones. Most of them are going to be like four to 450 a piece.

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Um, so

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Yeah, it sounds sounds for me. I like it. That's really good. And you said it's organic.

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Most everything is organic. Yeah, there's a few things you just can't get or the organic version isn't good, but you can get like a natural version. So it doesn't like we're not doing no dyes no syrups, nothing like that, but

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It's as healthy as it can get, but it still is like sugar in a snow cone. No, I'm saying, but your kid will be hyper for like 30 minutes instead of six hours, which is my personal so I found

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be a big deal for the moms. Yeah, there you go. Good. Anyway,

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thank you for listening. Oh, sure. Yeah. I've been wondering

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what are the flavors? She says she's experimenting with

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flavors. I want to know what they are. Thank you. How you

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doing?

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Hey, I'm okay.

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Sorry.

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Yeah. For those of you who don't know, I am seven weeks

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pregnant. So not feeling the greatest these days.

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Well, I like your view. It's really sweet of you to jump on

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the call in the middle of your car. You make sure you need to

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know it's fine. I'm just on my way home from dropping some

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stuff off. And yeah.

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Yes, good.

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Well, did anyone have something that they wanted to talk about

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or that they had a question about and I think I'm going to

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just

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I'm just gonna mute everybody and then you just unmute

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yourself if you have a question.

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Like I said, I have learned to come with topics, if I need to.

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But it's always so much more fun that if someone has a question,

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I prefer the you know, then questions first. And then if we

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realize, well, people don't have questions, you know, then you

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know, you just you can talk about like, since talking about

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the food, you know, you can talk about, you know, like, you know,

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or just, you know, something that Laura's been talking to you

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about how you felt that you've shifted or, or whatever. And

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then, and then the last.

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Yeah, I just I guess, in our experience, I think a lot of

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people don't want to talk about this side of the word as kind of

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just like, you know, what's important to you guys. So, what

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And then, and then the last, the last option is what I came up

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with as, as a filler. Based off of the question, the client

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asked me that.

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I guess I'll go ahead and start. I'm just gonna jump in

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here. Whoa. Oh, no. Oh, am I still Okay, here I am. I'm just

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gonna start asking my question, and I have no idea how it's

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going to come out. So we're just going to go with it. But I

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am wondering about how different seasons affect our walk in in

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this, I guess. So for instance, being, you know, extremely

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pregnant right now, and trying to think about business, I can't

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even go there, like, nothing. I don't even want to go there. And

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I was telling Josh, like, when I'm not pregnant, or like, you

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know, nursing, like my ability to my ability to process things

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and see things for what they are. It's like this wind that

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goes way out, you know, and it just it just flows and it

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processes everything. And it just blows wherever it wants to.

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But then when I'm pregnant, it's like this tornado that just, it

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just keeps circling in like this vicious round circle, ready to

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rupture. And I don't know what's wrong. Like, I don't know

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of anything that's actually going on, except me just being

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pregnant. And I keep thinking, oh, well, like, I should work,

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but I can't. Like, I just don't, because I just can't even go

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there. So I didn't know, like, is it just seasons that you just

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drift in and out of seasons, and that's okay. And everything

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looks different in seasons? Or is there something impendingly

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wrong with where I'm

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everything looks different in different seasons. So I'm trying

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to think about how to answer how to answer this question. So

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what's important, okay, here's, here's, here's basically that

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here's the basis of it. So the important thing is to I know

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what I'm trying to say, but I haven't liked when I tried to

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word this before. So I'm trying to think of a better way to

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think of a better way to word it. And, and, and it came to

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mind a few, a couple of hours ago about how to work this

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better. And basically, what we want to do is we want to focus

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on our, we want to focus our lives on in this we're thinking

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about on sorry, let me

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we want to focus it on abiding in him, and on a knowing that

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we're loved by him.

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knowing that we're one with him and living out of that place.

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And we want that to be our focus and that to be our desire,

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not God. I want to,

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I want to harness that to do these things in my

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life,

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because then it's the doing the things in my life that becomes the focus.

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And then we're using God in order to accomplish things

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easier in front of place of rest. And God's like, no, no, no.

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I don't want that to even be your focus. I want your focus to be, Lord,

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what I desire out of my life is to live abiding in you.

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I live abiding in you. And, and knowing that I'm, and knowing that I'm loved,

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it loved being, I'm being loved by you, giving love back to you. You know,

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just, just being, I'm abiding in Christ. He's abiding me.

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We're abiding in the father. He's abiding, abiding in us.

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Therefore I'm always about the father's business.

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I'm feeling his spirit flowing through me.

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My spirit is intermingling with his spirit and I'm feeling the father's

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heart about things as I come into various situations,

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as I think about things with business or as I run into somebody at church or as

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I make a phone call or when I make my to-do list or when I interact with my

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child or whatever. But the point is not what it is that we're doing.

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The point and our focus in our desire of what it is that we're,

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that we're doing on this journey needs to shift from living life to abiding in

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him. And when we focus on that,

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then we'll end up living life from that place as opposed to God,

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I just want to do all of these things easier than the way I'm doing them.

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God's like, no, the point,

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I didn't put you on earth to live a life.

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You're going to live a life when you're abiding in me, but I,

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but that's not the point. So in other words,

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if we shift up there,

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then we can more easily see that that the seasons change and that,

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but we continue to, to abide in rest.

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Um, uh, and, and it, and it doesn't,

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we don't see it and we don't notice it so much as,

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as seasons changing. Um, and Oh, I'm doing okay right now.

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I'm not doing okay right now. I was, I was, um, I was doing fine last week,

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but I'm struggling this week. Um, I wasn't pregnant, you know,

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six months ago, but I'm pregnant now. Um, I'm, it's not,

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we don't start seeing,

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we don't start attributing how it is that we're interacting in life with a life

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event.

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The life events can come and go and it's all fine.

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And we're interacting with them differently, but we're all doing it.

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But because we're focused on just abiding and living in him out of a place of

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rest, then life can do whatever it wants to do.

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But we don't feel shuffled to and fro and,

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and shifting like, well,

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I'm in this season and now I'm out of that season and now I'm in this season.

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And now how do I operate differently in this season? How do I operate and rest?

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I figured out how to operate and rest here.

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Now I got to figure out how to operate and rest here.

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It's the life can do whatever it wants to do. We, cause we're never changing.

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We're always in a place of rest.

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I don't know if that's too high level and you were wanting me to get deeper into

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it. Did it answer your question or

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Yes, no, that makes total sense.

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It really resonated with me what you were saying about how we kind of want to

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keep doing the same things and we just expect them to be easier.

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And that's not the point. And that was like,

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that's so what I was feeling. Cause I was like,

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I want to keep doing our business, but it shouldn't be this hard.

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Like, why is this so hard still? It shouldn't be this hard, you know?

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And I keep thinking like all these things,

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like I want to move into doing things, but it still feels hard.

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And that's not necessarily the point.

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The point is to just abide in Christ and to just live life out of that. So no,

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that makes a lot of sense.

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And it takes the perspective off of always freaking out when seasons change,

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because then you have to reroute and figure out how to live life again.

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But no, that answers my question. Thank you.

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Good. You're welcome. Cause I've had to live this out as well,

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where people were starting to ask me, well, so, you know,

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the same thing that they always do. So Ashley, how are you doing?

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And I thought, well, you know, I don't know.

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It feels like it's always the same and yet, I mean, well, it's hard to explain.

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It feels like it's always different and it has changed very rapidly.

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But if I look at it in the way that I'm living my life and how I'm perceiving

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life, when I wake up every morning and how I live it, you know,

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the perspective that I'm in all day. And before I go to bed,

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it feels like that isn't changing it.

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So that's when I began to realize that my whole focus and my whole point is not

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doing all of these things better and easier and out of a place of rest, I realized I had

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shifted into, no, Lord, I want to live like this with you.

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Whatever we do or don't do, Lord, it's going to come and go, but that's not my life.

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My life is existing and abiding in you.

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Everything else can change and fluctuates, but it's no longer what I look at in order

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to tell myself or other people how it is I'm doing, is if I'm determining how it is I feel,

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in other words, where I feel like, oh, well, things are constantly changing because my

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perspective about how my life is going and how I feel about it is always based on the

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wind and the waves.

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I don't look at the wind and the waves anymore, so my life doesn't feel in constant upheaval.

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The only times where I've noticed where my life feels in upheaval is when is moving into

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rest and moving out of rest, and that's actually everything that my life has just kind of come

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down to.

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Am I operating in rest or out of rest in that relationship or in my finances or in my business?

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That is the only thing that I'm looking at when someone asks me, so actually, how are

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you doing, and how are you feeling, and I'll think, well, I'm fine if I would just shift

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into rest in this one particular area, and I'm trying to do that, but I'm not going to

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tell them that because most other people don't speak this language, and most other people

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aren't understanding that, so I'll just tell them, yeah, I'm actually doing really good

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because I know that my God's going to provide for me, I know that my God's going to protect

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me, and that all of this other stuff is no longer dictating to me and my emotions how

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I'm doing.

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It no longer determines how I'm doing anymore.

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It used to, and it doesn't define it anymore.

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What defines it is when I feel like I'm in rest or out of rest, when I know and am believing

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I'm loved by God, and when I'm not knowing and I'm not believing that I'm loved by God,

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and just trying to constantly shift back and recognize when I'm not in it and shifting

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back and recognize when I'm not in it and shifting down.

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That's what my world has kind of come down to.

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Did...

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I actually have a question.

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I know you can't really see me, and I just got done eating a bunch of Chick-fil-A fries.

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Oh, I'm jealous.

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Yeah.

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Okay, so something that I've been...

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I feel like I have always struggled with knowing if I'm being too sensitive or what I'm feeling

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is the Holy Spirit.

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And I feel like when I was younger, I think I would have erred on the side of being extremely

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sensitive to where I was worried that I was doing something wrong, and it was almost like

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it would eat me up for days, and to the point of just anxiety and just wondering if I'm

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doing something wrong or all these different things.

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And then it really affected me when my husband and I started dating, and I'll just share

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a story because it's kind of funny, and it's also like it just shows you how bound up I

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was.

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But so my husband and I, I forget if I told you this story, Ashley, or not, but my husband

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and I had made the decision to...

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I almost think I did, but we had made the decision to be completely hands-off when we

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were dating, which I regret that decision.

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Anyway, but I think it was just because we did not...

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I don't know.

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We just didn't get it.

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But anyway, one night after a date, we had gotten home and we were sitting in the car

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talking before I went in, and I just remember it was a really good talk, and I just felt

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like, man, it would just feel so right for us to just hold hands.

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And it just felt like, yeah, it would just feel really right.

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And right away, I'm like, oh my goodness, no, that's from the devil because we made

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this commitment to not hold hands.

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And no, I think we should hold hands.

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And I didn't say anything to him about it, but I just prayed and I was like, Lord, if

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this is really what you want us to do, I pray that you would show him too.

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So we were praying before I went in.

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And in the middle of praying, my husband, well, my boyfriend at that time, stops and

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he's like in the middle of his prayer, and he's like, I just really feel like we should

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hold hands.

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And I just, I remember getting all like hot and prickly.

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I'm like, oh goodness, he's hearing from the devil too, you know?

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And I was like, and I couldn't do it.

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I could not make myself do it.

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And now looking back, I really feel strongly that that was the Holy Spirit.

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Like moving us forward in our relationship because I feel like it really bound us actually and like kept us

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From growing together in a healthy way. Anyway, all that to say it's really like in some ways

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I feel like I've almost shut off now like because I'm I'm just so sick of being so sensitive and so worried about everything

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But sometimes I feel like I there's just come to shut off

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To where I can't even tell anymore if what I'm feeling is actually from God or if it's just fear or

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Yeah, I just I feel kind of no, I guess a little bit in the whole discernment area

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So yeah

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That's a really good question and yeah that comes

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Yeah

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I'm extremely familiar with that and it's

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What we begin to do is what

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We begin to not trust ourselves

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We don't trust that

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something that could cut that and that that we're hearing from the Lord and

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that

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We we think that often we can think that something that comes up out of us that

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How would I word this

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We it has to be so obvious from the Lord or we believe that it's Satan or us and if we believe that it's

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Us. Well, let me ask you this. Did you believe that if it was you that it and not God that it was

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that if it was you that thought something or felt something that you couldn't trust it and

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that it was it was wrong and that anything that you could come up with was always subpar of

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The Lord's perfect will and you naturally if you desire something it must be of the flesh and therefore wrong

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So, yeah, I would say I definitely dealt with that like to the point where I was even like just the fact that I wanted

337
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Made me feel like I shouldn't

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Correct. Yes. Okay. Yeah, very very good. And I mean, it's not good

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I'm just saying like I got it is what I was trying to say

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I

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Yeah, I got all the same thing. That was my determination if I couldn't hear from the Lord

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I had this hierarchy in a way of me of making decisions

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if I did not hear something point-blank from the Lord and I had to make a decision about it like somebody was like

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In front of me or I had to like I don't know make a decision for whatever reason

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Then I would go to my next default of how to make a decision and that was

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Okay, what is it that I want to do and I don't do that

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what do I don't what is it that I don't want to do and I'll do that and

348
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What that told my because I believed that nothing within me could be trusted. I

349
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Believed that I had just been I the lie that I had received and that we can often that people

350
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usually receive when they hear stuff from

351
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From preachers or from when they're interpreting the Bible from a particular through a particular paradigm

352
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is the belief that anything that comes up out of us must be fleshly and

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wrong and

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That is not true

355
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Because our nature is born of God

356
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We're we're no longer the old man. We're the new man

357
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So we don't have to we and the

358
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Problem is where we believe still that worthy if we believe so that we're the old man

359
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we think

360
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Nothing within me can be trusted because the Bible and preachers are always telling me that anything of the flesh is

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wrong and that sin is easy for us and

362
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And and that we have to battle our sinful nature and that we're born with a sinful nature in this that and the other and

363
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It's just hogwash and it's not true

364
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so what we do is we take stuff like that and we have developed this lie that we believe and

365
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the this lie that we live in and

366
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It ends we end up squelching ourself and not trusting ourselves and we don't trust that what that what is coming up out of us

367
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Can is of the new nature of?

368
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Christ and that we're actually hearing this spirit

369
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So what I did in order to begin to overcome that in fact

370
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I had a lady point-blank tell me because I was asking her the same thing

371
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I'm like, I am struggling to hear from the Lord because I don't know if that's him or Satan or me

372
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But I don't know and she said actually she said that the best advice that I can give you is she said you need to

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trust yourself

374
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You need to trust that. You're the new man. This isn't what she said

375
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This is something that I am I came to understand I needed to trust that

376
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I was the new man and that I desired the things of the Lord and

377
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that God did not

378
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God is not over me holding a list of shoulds and shouldn'ts and do's and don'ts.

379
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That's according to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,

380
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which Adam and Eve chose because they were trying to protect themselves.

381
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So I have to figure out what's right and wrong.

382
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I have to look at this arbitrary list, and according to this arbitrary list,

383
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you should do these things and you shouldn't do these others.

384
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But when we're in Christ, when we are operating from the tree of life,

385
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when we are operating out of relationship,

386
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then we're operating out of our new nature, which can be trusted.

387
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And there's no longer should and shouldn'ts in that situation anymore.

388
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It's just God fathering us.

389
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So we don't have to worry anymore that, oh, well, I can do the right thing

390
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or not do the right thing.

391
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It's, no, no, no, where's my piece at right now?

392
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Not some arbitrary list that our parents gave us

393
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or that we've given ourselves or whatever.

394
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That's the tree of knowledge of good and evil because we felt, you know,

395
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we didn't want to operate out of relationship.

396
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But if instead we choose to operate out of relationship and understand

397
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I'm one with Christ, I am born of new nature,

398
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meaning that I was born from God himself.

399
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I was born out of his very essence.

400
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And therefore, I need to know that I can trust myself.

401
00:31:24.560 --> 00:31:27.360
I don't desire to do evil things.

402
00:31:27.360 --> 00:31:29.600
I don't desire to rebel against the Lord.

403
00:31:30.320 --> 00:31:32.720
I desire to do what he wants me to do.

404
00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:36.000
So where's my piece at in this situation?

405
00:31:36.800 --> 00:31:37.600
Then do that.

406
00:31:40.320 --> 00:31:45.040
There's no longer condemnation for God slapping us over the hand

407
00:31:45.040 --> 00:31:48.320
and saying you shouldn't have done that or you should have done this.

408
00:31:48.320 --> 00:31:50.160
There's no longer that anymore.

409
00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:55.600
And so does that make sense?

410
00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:57.920
Sweet loving.

411
00:31:59.120 --> 00:32:00.400
Yes, that makes sense.

412
00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:03.120
And I'm home now, so I'm not driving with my toddler on my lap.

413
00:32:03.120 --> 00:32:07.200
But yes, that makes sense.

414
00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:10.880
And I feel like as I'm going through these intensive,

415
00:32:10.880 --> 00:32:14.720
like I feel like I'm starting to realize that I've always looked at

416
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:18.480
myself as being very separate from Christ.

417
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:24.640
I've always looked at myself as being under Christ instead of in Christ.

418
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And I don't know.

419
00:32:26.560 --> 00:32:30.480
I feel like that's one area that I'm really having a struggle with shifting in

420
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because like there's this fear in me that's like,

421
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:35.440
and I don't know if it's just from the way it was raised or taught or whatever.

422
00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:40.480
Then I'm just like, well, what if I'm like just taking this as,

423
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:43.040
you know, kind of as an opportunity to the flesh, you know what I mean?

424
00:32:43.840 --> 00:32:47.520
And yet I know that it's the truth.

425
00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:50.640
You know that if you are in Christ, then you truly are in him.

426
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:54.800
And he is in you and you're making decisions together.

427
00:32:54.800 --> 00:32:55.920
And yeah, I don't know.

428
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.520
I feel like I'm kind of at a place in this intensive where I kind of go in like,

429
00:33:00.320 --> 00:33:03.520
I make like a little bit of progress and all of a sudden there's like this

430
00:33:04.400 --> 00:33:08.000
something that comes down and I just kind of like, what is that?

431
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:09.440
And I just can't go any further.

432
00:33:10.080 --> 00:33:11.440
But I don't know.

433
00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:15.760
I feel like I'm just kind of taking it one session at a time and drinking it all in.

434
00:33:15.760 --> 00:33:20.400
And yeah, it's taken me a while, but yeah.

435
00:33:21.040 --> 00:33:23.280
So no, and all of that is fine.

436
00:33:23.280 --> 00:33:26.320
So you understand that when we progress,

437
00:33:26.320 --> 00:33:30.960
one of the things that helps us when we're trying to progress is to understand,

438
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:33.440
especially if we continue to run into walls,

439
00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:38.800
it's just resistance that we have built up and that we're running into.

440
00:33:38.800 --> 00:33:42.880
So we let go of a bit of that resistance and we move that much further ahead.

441
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:45.920
But then the degree to which we move ahead

442
00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:50.800
is directly related to the amount of resistance that we released.

443
00:33:53.360 --> 00:34:00.160
So if we felt like we released quite a bit, but we only moved a limited amount,

444
00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:06.480
it meant that we have that much resistance against whatever it is that we're moving towards.

445
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:13.120
And so one of the ways that is very helpful to understand how to progress and shift faster

446
00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:19.679
is to understand that the old season will not reconcile in the new season, period.

447
00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:24.639
So what we often try to do before we move into the other one

448
00:34:24.639 --> 00:34:29.520
is where we kind of like step a toe in, but we're keeping the other as a safety net.

449
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:33.360
And we actually have to abandon the safety net

450
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:36.560
because we can't exist in two camps at the same time.

451
00:34:37.120 --> 00:34:39.440
And that's called faith.

452
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:45.440
I mean, faith is as scary as stepping out in this whole thing of like,

453
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:46.960
I don't know about all this.

454
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:51.840
And I know I should believe it, but I'm really, you know,

455
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:53.840
I can believe it to a certain extent.

456
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:56.639
But then, well, that's according to what measure of faith

457
00:34:56.639 --> 00:34:59.840
that you were willing to abandon the other and step into this.

458
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:09.920
So, the more that you're willing to abandon, the faster that you will, the further that

459
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:12.560
you will jump into the other camp.

460
00:35:12.560 --> 00:35:18.920
And yes, it's as terrifying as all of the reasons why we haven't done it, and haven't

461
00:35:18.920 --> 00:35:24.400
gotten further than each of us have, because it's that terrifying.

462
00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:29.520
If it wasn't terrifying, we would have all done it by now, but it is that scary.

463
00:35:30.040 --> 00:35:37.680
So, what I did, and I don't remember who I told this to, but when I moved, I had to,

464
00:35:37.680 --> 00:35:43.160
when I chose this lifestyle, I had to choose it, and I didn't even believe it.

465
00:35:43.160 --> 00:35:47.520
I chose it first, because, okay, so here's the way that I used to do my life, and this

466
00:35:47.520 --> 00:35:48.800
is the way most people do it.

467
00:35:48.800 --> 00:35:52.680
They look for it in scripture, in other words, they look for absolute positive, or they see

468
00:35:52.680 --> 00:35:56.280
it in people's lives, or they see it in their own lives, or they see it in the environment,

469
00:35:56.280 --> 00:35:57.280
or whatever.

470
00:35:57.320 --> 00:36:03.680
Then, they believe it, and then after they believe it, then they choose it, and step

471
00:36:03.680 --> 00:36:04.680
into it.

472
00:36:04.680 --> 00:36:12.280
Well, that will work, but it's very slow, because first of all, you have to look for

473
00:36:12.280 --> 00:36:16.320
proof, and when you work this way, it's not faith.

474
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:21.440
So, what I did is, I had lived my whole life like that, and I felt like I'd hardly gotten

475
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:22.440
anywhere.

476
00:36:22.680 --> 00:36:29.080
So, I did the opposite, and I remember hearing about this, that life could be like this,

477
00:36:29.080 --> 00:36:37.600
and that I could operate from a place of rest, and so what I did is, I didn't even know that

478
00:36:37.600 --> 00:36:42.720
I believed that it was true, but I chose it, because I told God, I said, God, that would

479
00:36:42.720 --> 00:36:45.400
be wonderful and amazing if that were true.

480
00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:49.360
I would love that to be real about you, I'd love that to be true about you, that you are

481
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:53.120
that loving, and that you are that good, as good as that I'm hearing, and all of that.

482
00:36:53.120 --> 00:36:55.480
I would love that to be true, and I chose it.

483
00:36:55.480 --> 00:36:57.680
I didn't even believe it.

484
00:36:57.680 --> 00:36:59.520
I did not believe that it was real.

485
00:36:59.520 --> 00:37:00.760
I chose it.

486
00:37:00.760 --> 00:37:06.160
I chose that that was my reality, and that that is who God was, and then, he began to

487
00:37:06.160 --> 00:37:08.880
reveal himself to me, because I chose it.

488
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:10.600
That is blind faith.

489
00:37:10.600 --> 00:37:15.240
If you don't even believe it, and you choose it anyway, that is faith, because faith is

490
00:37:15.240 --> 00:37:18.280
the substance of things hoped for.

491
00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:23.520
I hoped that that would be true, and I wanted so badly for it to be true, that life was

492
00:37:23.520 --> 00:37:24.520
like this.

493
00:37:24.520 --> 00:37:29.640
So, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

494
00:37:29.640 --> 00:37:31.880
In other words, there is no proof yet.

495
00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:33.320
I couldn't see proof anywhere.

496
00:37:33.320 --> 00:37:35.120
I didn't know scripture verses.

497
00:37:35.120 --> 00:37:40.440
I didn't even believe it, but I wanted it to be true so badly, so I chose it, and when

498
00:37:40.440 --> 00:37:47.840
I chose it, God was so pleased, and he began to reveal to me that he really was that.

499
00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:56.480
He began to reveal himself to me, so spiritually, in my soul, I began to shift in my soul, so

500
00:37:56.480 --> 00:37:58.080
I finally believed it.

501
00:37:58.080 --> 00:38:02.560
Then, after I believed it, that's when I started seeing all the proof for it everywhere.

502
00:38:02.560 --> 00:38:07.040
I started seeing the proof in my life, in other people's lives, in scripture.

503
00:38:07.040 --> 00:38:11.640
I mean, do you think that I found all this scripture in the sessions that I quote?

504
00:38:11.800 --> 00:38:18.640
I found, after I stepped into this walk, and had been walking in it for months before I

505
00:38:18.640 --> 00:38:26.360
ever found those scriptures that I now quote in the sessions, so people can come at this

506
00:38:26.360 --> 00:38:27.880
from two different ways.

507
00:38:27.880 --> 00:38:31.640
I've noticed that the people that shift the fastest are the ones that end up being desperate

508
00:38:31.640 --> 00:38:37.120
enough, where they're willing to abandon everything the fastest, and not trying to constantly

509
00:38:37.120 --> 00:38:45.240
reconcile the new season with what they understood from the old, because then this is just kind

510
00:38:45.240 --> 00:38:50.320
of like, let's do this dance until I feel comfortable enough, where, okay, let's finally

511
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:52.520
lean over into this one.

512
00:38:52.520 --> 00:38:58.600
I had done that for all of my life, until I got to this season, and I just realized

513
00:38:58.600 --> 00:39:04.960
that it wasn't helping me progress fast enough, as fast as I wanted to.

514
00:39:05.040 --> 00:39:13.880
I felt that everybody's lives were progressing so much faster than mine, and so I just told

515
00:39:13.880 --> 00:39:17.160
the Lord, I said, okay, Lord, the way that I'm making decisions isn't helping me move

516
00:39:17.160 --> 00:39:20.440
faster, so I completely abandoned it.

517
00:39:20.440 --> 00:39:27.760
I mean, I jumped out of the camp, and planted my entire life, risked my entire life, my

518
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:34.480
entire relationship with God in this, and He was here.

519
00:39:34.520 --> 00:39:35.680
And that was amazing.

520
00:39:35.680 --> 00:39:43.920
So anyway, my point is that I did that, however, there are still areas in my life where I'm

521
00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:45.400
still doing that dance thing.

522
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:47.600
I'm like, I don't really know.

523
00:39:47.600 --> 00:39:52.240
I'm really not ready to abandon this camp yet, but I'd like to kind of feel things out

524
00:39:52.240 --> 00:39:58.600
over here, and then I'll pop back here, kind of like someone from Mexico, coming and working

525
00:39:58.600 --> 00:40:00.080
over here during the day, but coming back.

526
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.600
night," you know, something like that, but I've noticed that. So those are areas

527
00:40:06.600 --> 00:40:09.600
that are more sensitive to me, but then there are other areas where I was

528
00:40:09.600 --> 00:40:12.920
desperate enough where I jumped completely out and into here, and that's

529
00:40:12.920 --> 00:40:17.680
when I learned that principle of what God's talking about in faith, where if He

530
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:21.680
says that something is true, if He says that we're one with Christ, if He

531
00:40:21.680 --> 00:40:27.640
declares that He loves us as much as it describes that He loves us, then I just

532
00:40:27.640 --> 00:40:32.640
choose that that's my reality, and then when I check out and I choose that

533
00:40:32.640 --> 00:40:37.400
that's my reality, He honors it to where I begin to actually eventually

534
00:40:37.400 --> 00:40:41.520
believe it, and then once I finally start believing it, then I start seeing the

535
00:40:41.520 --> 00:40:45.880
proof of it in my own life, and you know, in other people's lives, and in

536
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:48.680
Scripture, and you understand that I started believing it before I started

537
00:40:48.680 --> 00:40:54.520
seeing proof. So I mean, all of this is totally backwards at the way that we

538
00:40:54.520 --> 00:40:59.640
usually do it. So anyway, just to give you an understanding of what is

539
00:40:59.640 --> 00:41:06.000
really going on there, and there's nothing wrong with us going, taking it,

540
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:11.920
you know, slower. I do that in certain areas, you know, in moving into rest. I'm

541
00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:16.320
doing that right now. I'm doing that in certain areas of my life where just

542
00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:20.760
that are more challenging, more difficult, and I know what it is that I'm doing,

543
00:41:20.760 --> 00:41:27.560
and I'm still struggling. I have seen God be faithful in shockingly amazing

544
00:41:27.560 --> 00:41:32.360
ways. He did it again today. He showed me how much He loved me, and I was like,

545
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:36.720
oh my word, Lord, I wasn't even asking for that, and you remembered that that's

546
00:41:36.720 --> 00:41:41.000
important to me, and when I thought that something bad had happened, and I was so

547
00:41:41.000 --> 00:41:44.680
different, and I was so disappointed, and I was talking to you about it and saying,

548
00:41:44.680 --> 00:41:48.920
Lord, I don't understand. Yeah, I just followed Him on this little journey, and

549
00:41:48.920 --> 00:41:54.120
before I knew it, the end result was more than I had asked Him for. It was

550
00:41:54.120 --> 00:41:57.080
something that He remembered was important to me that I didn't even

551
00:41:57.080 --> 00:42:02.520
remember was important. So I mean, I've seen the faithfulness of the Lord, and I

552
00:42:02.520 --> 00:42:09.640
still, in certain areas of my life, like, I don't know. I don't know if He's that good, you

553
00:42:09.640 --> 00:42:13.280
know, and so it's like step my toe in, and then step back, because I'm not

554
00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:17.080
ready to abandon this yet, and then there are other areas where I'm like, okay, I'm

555
00:42:17.160 --> 00:42:21.880
desperate enough, and I totally abandon it and jump in. All of it's a journey. All

556
00:42:21.880 --> 00:42:27.040
of it is just us being fathered into it, and so there is, therefore, now no

557
00:42:27.040 --> 00:42:31.640
condemnation. There's nothing wrong with where you are. There's nothing wrong with where I am.

558
00:42:31.640 --> 00:42:37.000
Nothing wrong where any of us are. We just take that, and we just allow

559
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:43.880
ourselves to give ourselves the grace to be on a journey, and know that the Lord

560
00:42:43.920 --> 00:42:47.800
gives us that grace, because the Lord said it first. He is giving us grace to

561
00:42:47.800 --> 00:42:51.440
be on a journey. So what, we're a higher judge than God that we won't give

562
00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:55.800
ourselves grace to be on the journey? No, we're perfectly fine. So we just

563
00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:59.720
determine for ourselves how much, how good do I want to believe that God is?

564
00:42:59.720 --> 00:43:06.240
How fast do I want to move, and how much am I willing to, am I all chips in or not?

565
00:43:06.240 --> 00:43:10.040
And we just make that determination based on different areas that we're

566
00:43:10.040 --> 00:43:13.480
alive in, different moments and whatever, and He just fathers us into it, but the

567
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:17.160
whole point is what I was telling, you know, what we were talking about, what

568
00:43:17.160 --> 00:43:21.600
Carrie and I were talking about earlier, which is, you know, just a while ago, is the

569
00:43:21.600 --> 00:43:26.080
whole thing, the whole point is our relationship with Him, and just learning

570
00:43:26.080 --> 00:43:32.080
to abide in Him. That's the focus, not how it's manifesting, including how we're

571
00:43:32.080 --> 00:43:36.960
moving into rest in these other areas. That is not the point. The point is just

572
00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:43.600
to focus on, Lord, I'm seeking you, and I'm really disappointed in how it's

573
00:43:43.600 --> 00:43:47.640
manifesting in certain areas, and I'm really excited and pleased in how it's

574
00:43:47.640 --> 00:43:53.440
manifesting in other areas. That doesn't mean anything. God just wants us to focus

575
00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:58.400
on just abiding in Him, and just choosing this lifestyle with Him where we're

576
00:43:58.400 --> 00:44:02.440
pursuing Him, and when we're pursuing Him, He'll continue to take us on that

577
00:44:02.440 --> 00:44:06.120
journey, and just continue to father us. He wants us to just constantly make

578
00:44:06.160 --> 00:44:10.920
ourselves available for Him to father us, as opposed to shutting Him out and

579
00:44:10.920 --> 00:44:14.400
halting the process. So if you're not shutting Him out and halting the process,

580
00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:19.800
He's like, I'm pleased. Then you'll see you're fine.

581
00:44:21.200 --> 00:44:26.720
I love the way that you explain things, Ashley. I really, really do, and I so

582
00:44:26.720 --> 00:44:31.080
identified with you, Priscilla, when you were talking about that story about your

583
00:44:31.080 --> 00:44:36.840
husband. Can those of us messed up by youth pastors, please raise our hands.

584
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:46.000
I kissed Kate in Goodbye. What a tragedy. I actually never read that book because I still did want to

585
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:49.800
kiss the boys, so I was like, I'm not reading that book because I would like to get kissed one

586
00:44:49.800 --> 00:44:59.040
day. I had such a hard time getting married, and it was that, I looked this up when you were

587
00:44:59.040 --> 00:45:01.840
talking, Priscilla.

588
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.920
Jeremiah 17, nine, the heart is deceitful above all things

589
00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:06.360
and desperately wicked who can know it.

590
00:45:06.360 --> 00:45:09.680
And that was always what was quoted was like,

591
00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:12.360
how you can never follow yourself.

592
00:45:12.360 --> 00:45:15.800
You can never follow your desires or your wants

593
00:45:15.800 --> 00:45:18.160
because this is what your heart is.

594
00:45:18.160 --> 00:45:20.680
You know, and it was like, oh gosh.

595
00:45:20.680 --> 00:45:23.800
And then, so when I was coming into grace

596
00:45:23.800 --> 00:45:26.280
and coming into my identity in Christ,

597
00:45:26.280 --> 00:45:27.800
I would go to the Lord and be like,

598
00:45:27.800 --> 00:45:28.940
what about this verse?

599
00:45:28.940 --> 00:45:29.780
What about that verse?

600
00:45:29.780 --> 00:45:31.280
And it was like, Ashley is sweet.

601
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:33.720
And she like jumps into the pool and is like,

602
00:45:33.720 --> 00:45:35.680
okay, God, show me your goodness.

603
00:45:35.680 --> 00:45:39.200
But I was like, I don't think you wanna be kind to me.

604
00:45:39.200 --> 00:45:40.400
You can prove it.

605
00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:41.220
Ready?

606
00:45:41.220 --> 00:45:42.060
Go.

607
00:45:42.060 --> 00:45:43.820
My life is terrible in every area.

608
00:45:43.820 --> 00:45:44.660
Go.

609
00:45:44.660 --> 00:45:46.760
I was like, anyway.

610
00:45:46.760 --> 00:45:49.480
But he did for me like the same thing he did for Ashley.

611
00:45:49.480 --> 00:45:50.760
But this is what he said to me.

612
00:45:50.760 --> 00:45:52.760
And I do not wanna give you advice, Priscilla.

613
00:45:52.760 --> 00:45:53.600
Please, please, please.

614
00:45:53.600 --> 00:45:55.000
I do not wanna give you advice.

615
00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:56.640
I just wanted to share this verse

616
00:45:56.660 --> 00:46:01.660
because this is how he showed me my heart scripturally.

617
00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:09.620
Okay, so like a couple of verses down.

618
00:46:09.620 --> 00:46:12.620
It says, a glorious high throne from the beginning

619
00:46:12.620 --> 00:46:15.060
is the place of our sanctuary.

620
00:46:15.060 --> 00:46:16.740
Oh Lord, the hope of Israel.

621
00:46:16.740 --> 00:46:20.040
All who forsake you shall be ashamed.

622
00:46:20.040 --> 00:46:22.940
Those who depart from me shall be written in the earth

623
00:46:22.940 --> 00:46:24.740
because they have forsaken the Lord,

624
00:46:24.740 --> 00:46:26.720
the fountain of living waters.

625
00:46:26.720 --> 00:46:28.860
And the next verse is like, heal me, oh Lord.

626
00:46:28.860 --> 00:46:29.700
I shall be healed.

627
00:46:29.700 --> 00:46:30.520
Save me.

628
00:46:30.520 --> 00:46:31.360
I shall be saved for you, my praise.

629
00:46:31.360 --> 00:46:33.720
Okay, so, but what the Lord brought me to

630
00:46:33.720 --> 00:46:37.120
is that it's those that depart from him

631
00:46:37.120 --> 00:46:42.120
that have shame and condemnation.

632
00:46:43.680 --> 00:46:46.120
It's those that depart from him

633
00:46:46.120 --> 00:46:47.560
that are wicked and deceitful.

634
00:46:47.560 --> 00:46:50.200
And when you go through the rest of Jeremiah,

635
00:46:50.200 --> 00:46:51.840
there really is this whole thing of like,

636
00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:56.340
and even those he fathers back into the fold later.

637
00:46:56.340 --> 00:46:58.420
But it was just, to me, it was like,

638
00:46:58.420 --> 00:47:01.140
Holly, you don't even, you don't want to go anywhere.

639
00:47:01.140 --> 00:47:02.500
You're not like trying to get,

640
00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:05.500
you're trying to get deeper into me,

641
00:47:05.500 --> 00:47:08.900
but you can't get there because you can't trust yourself

642
00:47:08.900 --> 00:47:10.980
to just like listen and hear.

643
00:47:10.980 --> 00:47:14.700
And that's how he sort of, I mean, this was a few years ago.

644
00:47:14.700 --> 00:47:16.860
So I'm trying to think exactly how he spoke it to my heart

645
00:47:16.860 --> 00:47:19.500
without pulling out my journal.

646
00:47:19.520 --> 00:47:21.520
But was it you, Carrie,

647
00:47:21.520 --> 00:47:24.020
that said you journal everything too?

648
00:47:24.020 --> 00:47:25.560
Yes, okay.

649
00:47:25.560 --> 00:47:29.480
But I know that it was like that verse where it was like,

650
00:47:29.480 --> 00:47:31.200
you're not departing from me

651
00:47:31.200 --> 00:47:33.360
and your heart is not wicked and deceitful

652
00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:35.320
and there's no shame and condemnation.

653
00:47:35.320 --> 00:47:38.000
So like the circle that you live in of like,

654
00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:38.840
what do I do?

655
00:47:38.840 --> 00:47:39.660
What do I do?

656
00:47:39.660 --> 00:47:41.560
If that's the thing I want to do, like you said, Ashley,

657
00:47:41.560 --> 00:47:43.480
then I definitely shouldn't do it

658
00:47:43.480 --> 00:47:45.840
because my heart is going to deceive me

659
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:48.280
and I don't even know it and I'm such a wretch.

660
00:47:48.280 --> 00:47:49.120
Oh my gosh.

661
00:47:49.700 --> 00:47:52.140
And like this whole exhausting thing.

662
00:47:52.140 --> 00:47:53.740
And he was just like,

663
00:47:53.740 --> 00:47:57.460
that's if you have like departed from me

664
00:47:57.460 --> 00:48:00.540
and you are on your own and that's not what you're doing.

665
00:48:00.540 --> 00:48:05.260
And so that scripture, when he made that clear to me,

666
00:48:05.260 --> 00:48:08.460
that helped so much to define myself,

667
00:48:08.460 --> 00:48:10.300
to define my own identity and be like,

668
00:48:10.300 --> 00:48:12.560
I'm not even in that category.

669
00:48:12.560 --> 00:48:14.500
That's not about me.

670
00:48:14.500 --> 00:48:15.980
And the people that that's about,

671
00:48:15.980 --> 00:48:19.200
he later brings back in because he's that good.

672
00:48:19.200 --> 00:48:20.520
So anyway.

673
00:48:20.520 --> 00:48:21.360
Yeah.

674
00:48:21.360 --> 00:48:23.760
Thank you for that, Holly.

675
00:48:26.560 --> 00:48:28.760
But I would not give you advice on your own journey.

676
00:48:28.760 --> 00:48:30.100
Like, I'm not trying to be like,

677
00:48:30.100 --> 00:48:31.600
oh, let me explain this to you.

678
00:48:31.600 --> 00:48:33.720
No, you like walk out for yourself.

679
00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:37.000
But that just like rung in my ears.

680
00:48:37.000 --> 00:48:38.440
Oh, I know that story.

681
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:42.480
And I love that holding hand story.

682
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:45.760
That's like, oh man, oh man, yes.

683
00:48:46.540 --> 00:48:48.020
Yeah, I feel like I'm starting to realize

684
00:48:48.020 --> 00:48:50.060
how many lies that I've believed.

685
00:48:50.060 --> 00:48:53.540
And yeah, I love Ashton,

686
00:48:53.540 --> 00:48:54.900
how you're always talking about shifting

687
00:48:54.900 --> 00:48:59.020
because I feel like it's not like a total 360

688
00:48:59.020 --> 00:49:00.300
because it's not like I've been going

689
00:49:00.300 --> 00:49:02.540
in the completely wrong direction all this time,

690
00:49:02.540 --> 00:49:06.620
but it's like, it has to be a shift, you know, into rest.

691
00:49:06.620 --> 00:49:10.780
And yeah, it's a lot to think about.

692
00:49:10.780 --> 00:49:11.620
Yeah.

693
00:49:12.700 --> 00:49:14.220
If I can just say one more thing real quick,

694
00:49:14.220 --> 00:49:16.600
I wanted to tell you that we had our neighbors

695
00:49:16.600 --> 00:49:20.600
over the other evening and they had friends

696
00:49:20.600 --> 00:49:22.040
visiting from South Africa.

697
00:49:22.040 --> 00:49:23.160
And I guess they're really trying

698
00:49:23.160 --> 00:49:25.320
to leave South Africa right now.

699
00:49:25.320 --> 00:49:29.960
Anyway, and so I shared with them

700
00:49:29.960 --> 00:49:31.640
some of the things that I've been learning

701
00:49:31.640 --> 00:49:33.680
through this intensive and just, you know,

702
00:49:33.680 --> 00:49:37.160
the thing about making decisions from a place,

703
00:49:37.160 --> 00:49:38.840
like, in other words, that the Lord has given us,

704
00:49:38.840 --> 00:49:39.960
you know, so many options

705
00:49:39.960 --> 00:49:42.420
because I think right now they're not sure.

706
00:49:43.400 --> 00:49:45.480
They're not sure where they should move to.

707
00:49:45.480 --> 00:49:46.680
Like, they were thinking about the States,

708
00:49:46.680 --> 00:49:48.320
they were thinking about Germany.

709
00:49:50.040 --> 00:49:52.840
Anyway, so I just shared with them how, you know,

710
00:49:52.840 --> 00:49:55.520
operating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

711
00:49:55.520 --> 00:49:56.880
or the tree of life and how, you know,

712
00:49:56.880 --> 00:50:00.000
the Lord has given us so many trees to pick.

713
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.080
from you know and there's actually very very few options that are actually

714
00:50:06.080 --> 00:50:10.960
things that are wrong and you know that the lord is more concerned about

715
00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:15.040
us making the decision with him instead of actually which one we pick

716
00:50:15.040 --> 00:50:19.200
and anyway they didn't say like just real much i mean we had a good

717
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:23.280
conversation but then before before they left the other couple that

718
00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:26.720
that is our neighbors they just said like

719
00:50:26.720 --> 00:50:30.880
that what i said was exactly like what this couple is walking through and like

720
00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:36.480
what they needed to hear and i was like wow i don't know i just feel like

721
00:50:36.640 --> 00:50:41.440
i feel like i'm i'm finally starting to to understand what it is about

722
00:50:41.440 --> 00:50:44.880
certain people that has attracted me to them for years

723
00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:48.240
and it's this like it's that spirit of rest

724
00:50:48.240 --> 00:50:54.320
and you know that they they're like how would you say they're not like

725
00:50:54.320 --> 00:51:00.080
wildly successful but they're not like they're not hurting you know what i

726
00:51:00.080 --> 00:51:03.600
mean they're just at a place of rest and peace and it's

727
00:51:03.600 --> 00:51:06.000
not even like they don't go through hard stuff

728
00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:09.440
but i think i'm finally starting to understand what it is about them that

729
00:51:09.440 --> 00:51:12.560
attracts me to them all the time and it's this thing of

730
00:51:12.560 --> 00:51:16.080
that they are living in a place of rest and

731
00:51:16.080 --> 00:51:21.520
yeah it's just yeah i've just been having a lot of epiphanies

732
00:51:21.520 --> 00:51:24.960
that's exciting i'm excited to get to hear you know that

733
00:51:24.960 --> 00:51:28.560
that you're able to already you know that you're already you know taking the

734
00:51:28.560 --> 00:51:33.760
initiative to speak into other people and reminding that we're all reminding

735
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:37.680
each other of stuff we already know but we believe

736
00:51:37.680 --> 00:51:42.560
the lies that we're now having to unlearn so and so it's just reminding

737
00:51:42.560 --> 00:51:47.360
reminding ourselves of the fact that no you know we really we really can trust

738
00:51:47.360 --> 00:51:50.800
ourselves and and god wants and god delights in

739
00:51:50.800 --> 00:51:53.360
making and us making decisions with him and

740
00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:56.800
that there's all the streets in the garden my goodness

741
00:51:56.800 --> 00:52:00.240
you know and we seem to think that the world revolves around

742
00:52:00.240 --> 00:52:06.000
the bad one and it just it's so small you know um but i like what you were

743
00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:10.160
saying holly um about that about that you brought up that that verse you know

744
00:52:10.160 --> 00:52:13.440
that the heart is deceitful of all things and whatever

745
00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:17.360
yes because verses like that we bring up and they're just very self-condemning

746
00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:20.880
but the thing is that that's describing the old man

747
00:52:20.880 --> 00:52:24.160
but if we're the new man we don't have to worry about that anymore

748
00:52:24.160 --> 00:52:28.160
because sure it was true and it was and it still is true

749
00:52:28.160 --> 00:52:32.480
about someone if they were the old man but but it's not for anybody who's of

750
00:52:32.480 --> 00:52:36.800
the new man the heart is not deceitful above all things you know we have the

751
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:40.800
mind of christ we have and we have the heart of him as

752
00:52:40.800 --> 00:52:44.000
well and then you were talking about i think

753
00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:46.320
that was it you priscilla who was talking

754
00:52:46.320 --> 00:52:50.880
about uh shifting in the in the seasons and oh that's what

755
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:55.360
it was i was just thinking about shifting seasons when you were talking

756
00:52:55.360 --> 00:52:59.920
um you were talking about the fact that oh

757
00:53:00.320 --> 00:53:07.040
can y'all hear me okay good can y'all hear me okay i think that my

758
00:53:07.040 --> 00:53:10.480
my mind froze and so i wasn't sure if i froze

759
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:15.840
so about the season shifting so when we want to make sure that we know

760
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:20.240
that when we when god has opened our eyes

761
00:53:20.240 --> 00:53:23.840
and we've moved into a particular season

762
00:53:23.840 --> 00:53:28.160
that sometimes we've lived there for so long we forget that it was

763
00:53:28.160 --> 00:53:32.960
god that moved us into that season and when now he's revealing

764
00:53:32.960 --> 00:53:37.920
a new measure that we can walk into we begin to condemn ourselves for being in

765
00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:40.880
this other season but we need to remember god's the one

766
00:53:40.880 --> 00:53:43.280
who called us into that one in the first place

767
00:53:43.280 --> 00:53:47.920
so we need to not condemn ourselves or feel shame that we are where we

768
00:53:47.920 --> 00:53:53.360
are just because god's calling us into greater freedom doesn't mean that where

769
00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:57.040
we are is bad it doesn't mean that we're

770
00:53:57.040 --> 00:54:00.800
under condemnation it means simply that he's moving us into

771
00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:05.280
even a greater measure of freedom and what that requires is it requires

772
00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:12.080
um a um it requires repentance so when we move from one season of god

773
00:54:12.080 --> 00:54:16.240
of god himself one season of god into a new season

774
00:54:16.240 --> 00:54:19.760
that god wants us to move into and then another season of god that he wants us

775
00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:24.160
to move into that that it says that um that that

776
00:54:24.160 --> 00:54:28.400
requires repentance because all that repentance is repentance isn't feeling

777
00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:31.600
sorry repentance is not is not remorse

778
00:54:31.600 --> 00:54:35.760
repentance is not is not a turning away of

779
00:54:35.760 --> 00:54:42.320
uh from sin repentance is strictly a turning away

780
00:54:42.320 --> 00:54:46.320
it's instead of doing this i'm now going to be doing this

781
00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:51.040
period that's all that repentance is so even moving from one season of god

782
00:54:51.040 --> 00:54:54.400
himself into another season of god requires

783
00:54:54.400 --> 00:54:58.320
repentance but repentance isn't a bad thing repentance is strictly

784
00:54:58.320 --> 00:55:01.840
i was doing this

785
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.080
But no, I'm going to do a 180 and now I'm going to do this instead.

786
00:55:03.720 --> 00:55:07.000
And remember what it talks in the Bible about repentance.

787
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:10.160
It says that the kindness of God leads to repentance.

788
00:55:10.560 --> 00:55:13.520
So as we're moving from one season into another, you know,

789
00:55:13.520 --> 00:55:14.920
when I was talking earlier about,

790
00:55:14.920 --> 00:55:17.440
we need to be willing to abandon this into this.

791
00:55:17.760 --> 00:55:21.320
It doesn't mean that we're abandoning a sin that we're doing,

792
00:55:21.320 --> 00:55:24.120
and we just need to be willing to abandon it and move into the new season.

793
00:55:24.360 --> 00:55:24.600
No,

794
00:55:24.600 --> 00:55:28.840
it means that we need to understand that the old season and the new season will

795
00:55:29.080 --> 00:55:32.360
not reconcile and we need to stop trying to get them to do so.

796
00:55:32.640 --> 00:55:34.800
And so before we shift into the new one,

797
00:55:35.120 --> 00:55:40.120
and so we just need to be willing to

798
00:55:40.120 --> 00:55:44.360
abandon the old season and repent. In other words,

799
00:55:44.680 --> 00:55:47.880
shift by the kindness of God,

800
00:55:47.880 --> 00:55:50.400
be led into the new season by the kindness of God,

801
00:55:50.440 --> 00:55:54.120
instead of thinking that he's back there with a whip or with,

802
00:55:55.160 --> 00:55:58.560
you know, with the scourge or with condemnation, like a judge,

803
00:55:58.560 --> 00:55:59.760
like, why are you still here?

804
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:03.920
You should be in a new place. And why did you get here in the first place?

805
00:56:03.920 --> 00:56:07.240
And that's not the case. God wants to lead us through kindness. He's like,

806
00:56:07.520 --> 00:56:09.920
don't you desire even greater freedom?

807
00:56:10.240 --> 00:56:12.440
You can move into this one if you want to.

808
00:56:12.720 --> 00:56:15.120
He's not condemning us for being here.

809
00:56:15.320 --> 00:56:18.840
He is inviting us in kindness, in his kindness,

810
00:56:18.880 --> 00:56:23.760
in his love of us and desiring to give us greater freedom that he's calling us

811
00:56:23.760 --> 00:56:25.240
out of that season into the new.

812
00:56:25.240 --> 00:56:30.240
He's not trying to create such pain in the old season to propel us out of it

813
00:56:31.080 --> 00:56:35.920
as if this is bad. He's calling us into newer and newer measures.

814
00:56:35.920 --> 00:56:38.440
So it's really important that we, that we remember that.

815
00:56:39.600 --> 00:56:43.680
I thought there was something else he was going to say about that, but hopefully,

816
00:56:44.120 --> 00:56:46.400
hopefully that helps to remember that,

817
00:56:46.400 --> 00:56:50.920
that to not condemn ourselves for where we are when the Lord is desiring for us

818
00:56:50.920 --> 00:56:52.280
to move into something nicer.

819
00:56:52.720 --> 00:56:57.560
That doesn't equate to the fact that when we learn something new and beautiful

820
00:56:57.560 --> 00:57:00.560
that where I am must be bad. No,

821
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:03.600
because think about where you are, all of us.

822
00:57:03.640 --> 00:57:08.640
Think about how all of us are where we are because God showed us,

823
00:57:08.720 --> 00:57:12.600
God shed light on, on, on lies that we were believing.

824
00:57:12.600 --> 00:57:14.440
And so we began to live in more truth.

825
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:19.560
So why is he now going to condemn us for being in a place that he brought us to

826
00:57:20.160 --> 00:57:24.640
as, as a greater measure of freedom? He's not going to condemn us for that.

827
00:57:24.840 --> 00:57:28.640
So we need to stop condemning ourselves for that and not see and not be

828
00:57:28.640 --> 00:57:30.400
frustrated that, well,

829
00:57:30.440 --> 00:57:35.120
why am I not moving into into the new season in X, Y, and Z area of my life,

830
00:57:35.120 --> 00:57:39.320
faster or better or whatever, as if where we are is bad.

831
00:57:39.720 --> 00:57:42.040
No, God's just calling us into,

832
00:57:42.040 --> 00:57:46.320
into greater measures of freedom if we want to take up his invitation to do so.

833
00:57:46.600 --> 00:57:49.080
Oh, that's fun. I'm seeing fireflies up on my window.

834
00:57:49.920 --> 00:57:53.120
Um, Oh shoot. There was, I thought of it again.

835
00:57:53.120 --> 00:57:57.080
The thing that I was going to say about, um, that I'd forgotten,

836
00:57:57.120 --> 00:58:02.160
it was about, um, moving into that place and, and, um, what God does.

837
00:58:02.200 --> 00:58:05.720
Oh, okay. Uh, when the,

838
00:58:06.040 --> 00:58:10.480
the only time that God talks about, Oh, actually, okay.

839
00:58:10.520 --> 00:58:15.160
There's multiple things. And I know we're, we're running, um, it's 90901 on my end.

840
00:58:15.160 --> 00:58:16.920
I know it's, it's 1001 on y'all's,

841
00:58:16.920 --> 00:58:20.920
but let me just say this really fast because I think it might be helpful is

842
00:58:21.280 --> 00:58:24.040
when God talks about, um,

843
00:58:24.360 --> 00:58:27.080
because one of the reasons why we have all these self-condemning thoughts in

844
00:58:27.080 --> 00:58:31.160
our mind is even in the new Testament, when Jesus was getting onto people,

845
00:58:31.840 --> 00:58:36.440
but when Jesus was getting onto people, um, like for instance, the Pharisees,

846
00:58:36.480 --> 00:58:40.600
he called them vipers. That's strong.

847
00:58:40.760 --> 00:58:44.120
That is really strong. And so he was calling them vipers.

848
00:58:44.120 --> 00:58:45.320
He was calling them whatever,

849
00:58:45.360 --> 00:58:48.080
but you notice that when he talks to individuals,

850
00:58:48.880 --> 00:58:53.240
he did not condemn people. He was kind to them.

851
00:58:53.240 --> 00:58:58.040
He was loving. He, he spoke to them where they were calling them into,

852
00:58:58.120 --> 00:59:01.240
uh, into a greater measure of freedom, but to the Pharisees,

853
00:59:01.280 --> 00:59:05.360
into certain people, uh, and to certain other people, when he, uh,

854
00:59:05.400 --> 00:59:06.040
like for instance,

855
00:59:06.040 --> 00:59:09.440
when he was turning the money changers tables over and he was driving the

856
00:59:09.440 --> 00:59:11.200
animals out of the temple, et cetera,

857
00:59:11.760 --> 00:59:16.640
those situations were situations in which Jesus was,

858
00:59:16.680 --> 00:59:19.520
um, addressing the fact that they were,

859
00:59:19.560 --> 00:59:22.120
was not addressing how they were living their own lives.

860
00:59:22.360 --> 00:59:27.360
He was addressing the condemnation that they were putting on other people that

861
00:59:27.640 --> 00:59:32.280
was keeping them from stepping into the greater measure of freedom that God

862
00:59:32.280 --> 00:59:37.280
said was theirs by right, because God does not,

863
00:59:37.680 --> 00:59:41.120
God takes it extremely serious with some of the strongest words in scripture

864
00:59:41.120 --> 00:59:42.480
In fact, in fact,

865
00:59:42.480 --> 00:59:45.840
I think all of the strongest words in scripture that I can think of, at least,

866
00:59:45.880 --> 00:59:50.200
at least most of them are in reference to, you know, his wrath, et cetera,

867
00:59:50.200 --> 00:59:53.120
are in reference to, um,

868
00:59:53.480 --> 00:59:58.480
people trying to keep other people out of claiming and living in the freedom

869
00:59:58.880 --> 00:59:59.960
that God said is true.

870
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.920
theirs and trying to keep them from full free relationship with him. Case in point why he

871
01:00:05.920 --> 01:00:09.920
talked to the Pharisees the way that he did about certain principles, etc., is he was

872
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:16.800
addressing the fact that they were bringing condemnation on the people and they were,

873
01:00:16.800 --> 01:00:22.360
they were, what word, I can't think of the word, but anyway, propagating it, but that

874
01:00:22.360 --> 01:00:27.600
doesn't sound like quite the right word that I need. But anyway, that they were, that they

875
01:00:27.600 --> 01:00:32.160
were preaching it, that they were requiring it out of all of these laws and all of these

876
01:00:32.160 --> 01:00:37.600
traditions that they kept writing, and that they kept oppressing the people under, and

877
01:00:37.600 --> 01:00:43.520
God takes that extremely seriously, and that's where we saw Christ talk, you know, use language

878
01:00:43.520 --> 01:00:50.640
like you vipers, etc., is when they were bringing up principles by which they were oppressing

879
01:00:50.640 --> 01:00:56.960
the people. But when you talk to individuals who were living under deception, who were

880
01:00:57.040 --> 01:01:00.560
living under self-condemnation, like, oh, I should do this, and I shouldn't do this,

881
01:01:00.560 --> 01:01:08.560
and life is so hard, and he wasn't condemning. Case in point, he even told the adult, the

882
01:01:08.560 --> 01:01:12.480
woman who committed adultery, just simply go and sin no more. He didn't even tell her

883
01:01:12.480 --> 01:01:19.360
to be sorry about it, to tell, ask for forgiveness of God, to go sacrifice anything. He didn't

884
01:01:19.360 --> 01:01:23.840
even tell her to go to the priest and sacrifice something to have her forgiveness of her sin,

885
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:27.680
and she was living under that law. He didn't even tell her that. He didn't say, go reconcile

886
01:01:27.680 --> 01:01:31.920
with your husband, or go reconcile with his wife, or you, you know, whatever. All he said

887
01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:37.200
is go and sin no more, period. That's what he just said, don't do it anymore. Do a 180.

888
01:01:37.200 --> 01:01:42.000
That's all he told her to do. And so I just wanted to mention that. That's where we get

889
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:46.240
a lot of this self-condemnation from, is also remembering things in the New Testament. Well,

890
01:01:46.240 --> 01:01:52.080
even Jesus got really mad. Yes, but who was he getting mad about? Who was he getting mad

891
01:01:52.080 --> 01:01:57.680
to and about why? Two other verses I'll just mention just real quick, and then we can go,

892
01:01:57.680 --> 01:02:06.080
is where it says, and I'm paraphrasing here, it says, if anyone leads one of my children astray,

893
01:02:06.080 --> 01:02:11.760
it is better if they had a millstone tied around their neck and be drowned.

894
01:02:12.720 --> 01:02:22.480
That's extreme language. And, but it's how seriously the Lord takes people, keeping other

895
01:02:22.480 --> 01:02:28.640
people in shame and in condemnation, and away from the freedom and the relationship that's

896
01:02:28.640 --> 01:02:32.400
rightfully theirs. And then the other one that I wanted to mention is one that I've already

897
01:02:32.400 --> 01:02:40.800
talked about in the sessions, is Galatians 1. You remember that the Galatians believed

898
01:02:40.960 --> 01:02:45.600
that Jesus Christ, that the only way to Jesus Christ was as a gift, that it was a free gift,

899
01:02:45.600 --> 01:02:49.760
that they couldn't earn it. And so they accepted that gospel and they accepted that salvation.

900
01:02:49.760 --> 01:02:53.920
However, now that they were in it, they were now believing that it was according to how they

901
01:02:53.920 --> 01:03:03.040
behaved that kept sin, which is the lie that I had lived under for so many years, so many decades,

902
01:03:04.240 --> 01:03:09.680
is the belief that I had to behave a particular way in order to get, in order to please God,

903
01:03:09.680 --> 01:03:17.040
in order for him to, excuse me, in order for him to bless me, give me the inheritance in order for

904
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:21.840
me to spiritually mature. Then I had to go through a lot of pain. I had to go through a lot of

905
01:03:21.840 --> 01:03:28.480
heartache. I had to behave. And that's what the Galatians were believing. And so Paul condemned

906
01:03:28.480 --> 01:03:34.800
very strongly on them. And he said, no, that is a perverted gospel. That's how the New Living

907
01:03:34.800 --> 01:03:40.720
Translation calls it. And then in verse eight, he says, but even if we, or an angel from heaven,

908
01:03:40.720 --> 01:03:47.360
should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned.

909
01:03:48.720 --> 01:03:56.320
That again is very strong. So the Bible, and God takes it very seriously when people are being held,

910
01:03:56.880 --> 01:04:04.240
are being, are preaching things that would make us feel that we are in separate, that we're in

911
01:04:04.240 --> 01:04:10.080
a state of separation from God, instead of moving, instead of allowing us to move, instead of our own

912
01:04:10.080 --> 01:04:14.720
free will, into greater and greater measures that was freedom in his love. So I just wanted to

913
01:04:14.720 --> 01:04:19.360
mention those two things so that we can begin to learn, again, to shift our mind and to have our,

914
01:04:19.360 --> 01:04:26.960
allow our mind to be transformed, that we do not self-condemn even where we are. We're not in a bad

915
01:04:26.960 --> 01:04:34.400
place. Nobody who comes into this intensive is in a bad place. We're in a place that God had brought,

916
01:04:34.400 --> 01:04:39.680
had moved us into as a greater measure of freedom from where we were. And God does not move people

917
01:04:39.680 --> 01:04:46.800
into bad places. So all he wants, though, is for us to move into a greater measure of freedom. So

918
01:04:46.800 --> 01:04:51.760
let's not condemn ourselves for being where we are and think, well, why should we move faster?

919
01:04:51.760 --> 01:04:56.720
Because I shouldn't be here. No, we need to stop thinking that we shouldn't be here and that we

920
01:04:56.720 --> 01:04:59.920
should be somewhere else. There's no more should and shouldn't.

921
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.440
no condemnation, God just wants us to move into greater freedom. So anyway, hopefully that that

922
01:05:05.440 --> 01:05:18.800
is encouraging. So, um, my six year old is a perfectionist, which I blame on my husband, but

923
01:05:20.480 --> 01:05:28.560
and, um, he really gets down on himself when I correct him. I'm sorry.

924
01:05:30.640 --> 01:05:36.880
Just unpaused. Um, like I can be like, well, your shoe, where are your shoes right now?

925
01:05:36.880 --> 01:05:42.400
And he'll be like on the floor instead of in the shoe bin, like not a big deal. I'm not raising my

926
01:05:42.400 --> 01:05:47.280
voice. Nothing like there's no consequence. Nothing's gone on. I just want him to like,

927
01:05:47.840 --> 01:05:51.600
and he's a six year old boy, but I like want him to be like thoughtful of like,

928
01:05:51.600 --> 01:05:55.840
I've walked past this a couple of times and I can put it in the basket and okay.

929
01:05:56.560 --> 01:06:02.960
So, but he gets really down on himself and he has lately. And I, part of me feels like it's

930
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:08.800
everything that is getting stirred up in the spirit, just like in our house. Um, because

931
01:06:08.800 --> 01:06:15.600
of what I'm walking through and shifting. And, um, I think one of the things that God's been

932
01:06:15.600 --> 01:06:21.760
showing me is that I've all of the shifts that I've been asking for, like in my marriage and

933
01:06:21.760 --> 01:06:28.560
in my children, whatever that, that as the woman that I am the bear of life. So as I shift,

934
01:06:29.120 --> 01:06:35.440
the whole family will follow whatever life I'm bringing to the table. And so while the husband

935
01:06:35.440 --> 01:06:43.360
is the head, there is this part where I am, I'm the river and I make everything grow, you know?

936
01:06:43.360 --> 01:06:51.440
And so if it's going to grow and then when, when I will shift, then everyone else can kind of just

937
01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:57.360
fall in the fold a lot easier and has been bringing like new revelation to those verses

938
01:06:57.360 --> 01:07:03.280
about like how women tear down their homes with their own hands and like content living with what

939
01:07:03.280 --> 01:07:08.640
it's like to live with a contentious woman and that kind of a thing. And so then for my son,

940
01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:16.800
as I've made these shifts, it seems like what is coming up in him is like crazy strong condemnation

941
01:07:16.800 --> 01:07:23.600
for a six year old who was raised in a free house of grace. And I mean, I'm strict,

942
01:07:23.600 --> 01:07:29.280
but I never speak about his identity being tied to his behavior or anything like that. So

943
01:07:30.640 --> 01:07:35.840
we've talked about it a lot, but he just says, I just feel like I'm bad. And if I don't do it

944
01:07:35.840 --> 01:07:41.200
right, then I'm bad. And so we've talked about like, you get, you get to grow and you get to

945
01:07:41.200 --> 01:07:48.080
mature and we're happy with you and we're pleased with you. But, but can you speak to how I can help

946
01:07:48.080 --> 01:07:55.120
him in his identity? Cause it's, I just feel like he's so little, right? Like he just got done with

947
01:07:55.120 --> 01:08:02.560
kindergarten and I, I don't want any of this to stick in his identity. And I do get nervous. Like

948
01:08:02.560 --> 01:08:09.040
I have a, like I have to like rush and save him from, from shame and condemnation. We have to get

949
01:08:09.040 --> 01:08:12.320
this out, out, out, out, out. Cause we don't want to grow up in this because mommy knows what it's

950
01:08:12.320 --> 01:08:19.840
like to grow up in this. And, and so can you just speak to helping children shift in some of that?

951
01:08:20.960 --> 01:08:26.479
Yeah. So I, interestingly, I was talking to somebody just the other day, so about this.

952
01:08:26.479 --> 01:08:32.000
And that is, we, we'd shift children in the same way that we help other people. And the fact that

953
01:08:32.000 --> 01:08:37.279
what we have to do first in order for them to be able to shift in order for us to be able to help

954
01:08:37.279 --> 01:08:42.000
them shift. That's what I, that's the point because they have to choose it, but we can make

955
01:08:42.000 --> 01:08:47.120
it a lot easier for them a lot easier. And because they're getting their cues, especially when they're

956
01:08:47.120 --> 01:08:51.920
so little, they get there, they get the majority of their cues from us. They're much more receptive

957
01:08:51.920 --> 01:08:57.920
is the point. So a human soul is the same, whether it's little or big, but when they're little,

958
01:08:57.920 --> 01:09:04.640
they're much more risk. They're much more willing to receive and they're less, they're, they're,

959
01:09:04.640 --> 01:09:09.760
they've built up fewer, more, they've built up less resistance against someone else.

960
01:09:09.760 --> 01:09:16.399
So, so it really is a perfect opportunity. And the way that we first shift, help

961
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:23.840
provide someone with what it is that we desire them to shift into is we have to shift how we

962
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:30.720
view them. And we can all say that we view our children, you know, just perfect. And we,

963
01:09:30.720 --> 01:09:33.760
not that we think that our children are perfect. I mean, we know that, but we, we see them in the

964
01:09:33.760 --> 01:09:38.240
true light of what it is that they really are, how it is that they're acting, what it is that

965
01:09:38.240 --> 01:09:45.760
we know that they are in Christ and all of that, but there really is. And I'm, let me see if I can,

966
01:09:46.960 --> 01:09:53.760
they're, they're really how to describe it. Okay. Case in point, when a child does something

967
01:09:53.760 --> 01:09:59.920
and our first response is, oh my word, you know, this, this, we, we, oh, I'm trying.

968
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.640
Sorry, I'm trying to think if I can give a more concrete example, give a very concrete example

969
01:10:04.640 --> 01:10:11.760
of what I'm talking about. Okay, say for instance that a child takes a toy from a Sunday school

970
01:10:11.760 --> 01:10:15.040
and you get home and you discover that they have it in their pocket and they know very well not

971
01:10:15.040 --> 01:10:19.600
to do it. So in other words, you've realized that they knew better and they did it anyway.

972
01:10:19.600 --> 01:10:23.440
So you're like, oh my word, they've stolen and all of a sudden you can see them 20 years from

973
01:10:23.440 --> 01:10:30.400
now in jail. And we respond like that. So in other words, we have viewed them in our minds

974
01:10:30.400 --> 01:10:33.920
and I'm not just talking about like 20 years from now. I'm saying that there's something in our

975
01:10:33.920 --> 01:10:39.760
mindset that because we live in our own world of such, we've painted our own world in such shame

976
01:10:39.760 --> 01:10:45.360
and condemnation that we don't realize how much we see other people like that too. We're like,

977
01:10:45.360 --> 01:10:50.800
we create this, we create this monster immediately in our mind. We're like, oh no,

978
01:10:50.800 --> 01:10:55.760
this is terrible. And so when we respond, whether or not it's in,

979
01:10:58.240 --> 01:11:03.600
our response is going to come out of, and then what it is that they feel is our,

980
01:11:06.720 --> 01:11:10.160
they're going to feel things in the spirit. It's not going to just be what we say. It's

981
01:11:10.160 --> 01:11:15.520
not just going to be our tone and how we respond to them. They're also going to feel our spirit

982
01:11:15.520 --> 01:11:19.600
for lack of a better phrase. They're going to feel something in the metaphysical of how it

983
01:11:19.600 --> 01:11:25.920
is that we truly view the situation and that's what they take on. So it's not just, I've said

984
01:11:25.920 --> 01:11:30.320
the right things and I've done the right things. It's really that we have to shift our own

985
01:11:30.320 --> 01:11:36.080
perspective of what it means to not live in shame and condemnation. And the fact of, oh my word,

986
01:11:36.080 --> 01:11:40.320
my child just lied or my child just took a toy. And oh my word, this means something.

987
01:11:40.320 --> 01:11:43.440
Even though we tell ourselves that there's grace because while they're young and they're still

988
01:11:43.440 --> 01:11:47.680
learning, we still think, oh my word, you've done something bad. Even if we don't say it,

989
01:11:47.680 --> 01:11:51.760
say it to ourselves, oh my word, they've done something bad. I have to correct this because

990
01:11:53.600 --> 01:12:01.200
this is an ugly thing in them that must be rooted out. The child gets that. They get that conveyed

991
01:12:01.200 --> 01:12:06.240
somewhere in there, even through our spirit. So what we have to do first is we have to shift our

992
01:12:06.240 --> 01:12:12.160
own mind in how it is that we're perceiving, lying, feeling, et cetera, in relationship to

993
01:12:12.160 --> 01:12:17.120
the person. That that is always separate from the person. And we always address the person,

994
01:12:17.120 --> 01:12:23.120
not what it is that they've done. So we have to shift first because I was talking to another

995
01:12:25.040 --> 01:12:29.680
person just the other day about this with the child about the fact that the very first thing

996
01:12:29.680 --> 01:12:35.280
that we have to do is shift our own belief about them. When we think that we're believing everything

997
01:12:35.280 --> 01:12:41.120
just fine, we don't realize the paradigm in which we live under our own self-condemnation,

998
01:12:41.680 --> 01:12:45.840
let alone how we project that onto other people that we judge in the church,

999
01:12:45.840 --> 01:12:50.640
how we judge a husband, how we judge a wife, how we judge a child, how we judge our parents,

1000
01:12:50.640 --> 01:12:56.080
how we judge a friend. We all say that we understand that God loves us and God loves

1001
01:12:56.080 --> 01:13:00.320
everybody and that we're all one in Christ, and yet we still judge. We judge our children as well

1002
01:13:01.040 --> 01:13:04.960
and so because that's what we believe about the world. So it's just changing that,

1003
01:13:05.680 --> 01:13:11.440
changing that first. If we deal with that, we will always know what to say. We will always

1004
01:13:11.440 --> 01:13:17.440
know how to say it, and they will always get exactly what it is that we want them to

1005
01:13:17.440 --> 01:13:23.760
receive. In other words, that they will not receive things as shame and

1006
01:13:23.760 --> 01:13:34.240
condemnation. Yes, we can't, what is it, we can't, not force, we can't

1007
01:13:34.880 --> 01:13:39.520
determine how they receive it because even a child as young as he is, they determine how

1008
01:13:39.520 --> 01:13:43.360
they receive something. They have their own free will and they determine how they

1009
01:13:43.360 --> 01:13:50.240
would receive it, but they're much more likely to receive it the correct way when they feel the true

1010
01:13:50.240 --> 01:13:54.640
spirit that really does believe that they are something that they don't believe that they are

1011
01:13:54.640 --> 01:14:00.000
because we've changed our own paradigm in which we see all of the worlds, let alone this situation.

1012
01:14:01.280 --> 01:14:08.000
So that would be, that's honestly the root of the problem, the root of

1013
01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:17.040
that kind of thing, and it's the fastest way to deal with it, and the most sure way to deal

1014
01:14:17.040 --> 01:14:23.040
with it, where you're no longer having to learn formulas of what tone should I use, what should I

1015
01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:29.760
say, what should I make sure to not say, etc. If we just change that, and it really doesn't take that

1016
01:14:29.760 --> 01:14:34.320
long to shift, especially if we're willing to totally abandon one camp and move into another.

1017
01:14:34.320 --> 01:14:38.400
If we're desperate enough, or if we're being propelled enough by the kindness of God,

1018
01:14:38.400 --> 01:14:42.960
we can honestly shift really quickly. We're the only things that are limiting us. So in other

1019
01:14:42.960 --> 01:14:46.880
words, all the possibility is there. I'm not saying that in a self-condemning way as if we

1020
01:14:46.880 --> 01:14:51.280
haven't chosen it yet. My point is, all the possibility is there and everything is within

1021
01:14:51.280 --> 01:14:57.840
our control to choose to do so. One other thing I was going to say, but does that make sense at all?

1022
01:14:58.960 --> 01:14:59.920
Yeah, no, definitely.

1023
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:00.840
It definitely does.

1024
01:15:00.840 --> 01:15:03.280
And I think we touched on this a little bit

1025
01:15:03.280 --> 01:15:06.120
in one of like my personal sessions too.

1026
01:15:06.120 --> 01:15:07.800
I have very challenging children,

1027
01:15:07.800 --> 01:15:10.440
so I have to ask a lot of questions about them.

1028
01:15:10.440 --> 01:15:13.140
But I was also gonna ask you,

1029
01:15:15.040 --> 01:15:16.520
well, what's coming up in my spirit,

1030
01:15:16.520 --> 01:15:17.720
like when you talk about this,

1031
01:15:17.720 --> 01:15:20.000
is just to like sit with the Lord

1032
01:15:20.000 --> 01:15:22.400
and to just be like, Lord, show me Will,

1033
01:15:22.400 --> 01:15:23.960
that's my six year old's name,

1034
01:15:23.960 --> 01:15:28.360
like show me Will and like how do you see him

1035
01:15:28.360 --> 01:15:31.200
and how can I see him and what,

1036
01:15:31.200 --> 01:15:33.760
like just show, let me see his spirit

1037
01:15:33.760 --> 01:15:35.640
and who he is and his identity

1038
01:15:35.640 --> 01:15:37.760
and then have that and then operate

1039
01:15:37.760 --> 01:15:41.060
out of that fresh revelation instead of,

1040
01:15:42.760 --> 01:15:45.680
you know, the rest of it.

1041
01:15:45.680 --> 01:15:47.520
Trying to address the behavior.

1042
01:15:47.520 --> 01:15:48.400
Yeah.

1043
01:15:48.400 --> 01:15:51.680
Yeah, yeah, because God doesn't address our behavior either.

1044
01:15:51.680 --> 01:15:53.440
He addresses us in our person.

1045
01:15:53.440 --> 01:15:56.000
We interpret it as our behavior.

1046
01:15:56.000 --> 01:15:57.080
We think it's our behavior

1047
01:15:57.080 --> 01:15:59.200
and then we take on shame.

1048
01:15:59.200 --> 01:16:00.720
Oh, another thing I was gonna mention,

1049
01:16:00.720 --> 01:16:02.760
some of it is, some of what it is,

1050
01:16:02.760 --> 01:16:04.720
you know, that we think, wait a minute,

1051
01:16:04.720 --> 01:16:06.400
this child grew up in Graceville home,

1052
01:16:06.400 --> 01:16:08.160
why is he acting like this?

1053
01:16:08.160 --> 01:16:09.560
Why does he believe this?

1054
01:16:09.560 --> 01:16:11.760
Meaning like, why does he believe this about himself

1055
01:16:11.760 --> 01:16:13.280
when he does things like this?

1056
01:16:13.280 --> 01:16:15.440
Some of that you do know that we do receive

1057
01:16:15.440 --> 01:16:18.640
as records in our DNA from the General.

1058
01:16:18.640 --> 01:16:19.480
Oh, yeah.

1059
01:16:21.120 --> 01:16:23.480
That he has in his little DNA as well.

1060
01:16:23.480 --> 01:16:24.720
You know, we all have that.

1061
01:16:24.720 --> 01:16:25.560
Yeah.

1062
01:16:26.160 --> 01:16:28.080
You, when you're in the womb,

1063
01:16:28.080 --> 01:16:31.680
you pick up so much of the mother's emotion,

1064
01:16:31.680 --> 01:16:34.320
like around you, like Psalms talks about that so much

1065
01:16:34.320 --> 01:16:36.000
and that kind of a thing.

1066
01:16:36.000 --> 01:16:40.320
And he has been a picture of that for me.

1067
01:16:41.600 --> 01:16:42.440
Whoops.

1068
01:16:42.440 --> 01:16:44.920
And like, there's been so much freedom there,

1069
01:16:44.920 --> 01:16:47.840
like for real, but it has been,

1070
01:16:49.000 --> 01:16:50.480
it really has been,

1071
01:16:53.360 --> 01:16:55.080
yeah, just amazing to see that

1072
01:16:55.600 --> 01:16:57.720
and to give him like the grace on it.

1073
01:16:57.720 --> 01:16:59.400
And there was one time, like even with this,

1074
01:16:59.400 --> 01:17:01.640
like quarantine in the homeschool and stuff

1075
01:17:01.640 --> 01:17:02.880
that we were working on something

1076
01:17:02.880 --> 01:17:04.800
and he was getting so mad at it.

1077
01:17:04.800 --> 01:17:08.200
And he was like, I just don't know why I feel so angry.

1078
01:17:08.200 --> 01:17:10.720
And I felt like the Lord prompted me.

1079
01:17:10.720 --> 01:17:13.480
And I'd had, when he was little,

1080
01:17:13.480 --> 01:17:17.600
y'all, he used to get angry and have fits.

1081
01:17:17.600 --> 01:17:20.440
And every child there gets angry and have fits,

1082
01:17:20.440 --> 01:17:24.120
but he would get a spirit of anger.

1083
01:17:24.160 --> 01:17:26.920
And the first time he did it, I was like,

1084
01:17:26.920 --> 01:17:29.240
oh yeah, I know exactly where that came from.

1085
01:17:31.240 --> 01:17:32.800
Because when my husband and I got married,

1086
01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:37.040
we had a very, very hard first couple of years.

1087
01:17:37.040 --> 01:17:40.040
And I had never been angry before in my life,

1088
01:17:40.040 --> 01:17:42.000
but I was angry.

1089
01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:44.880
That was my response in those first couple of years.

1090
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:47.320
And that's when Will was born and nursing

1091
01:17:47.320 --> 01:17:48.520
and all that stuff.

1092
01:17:48.520 --> 01:17:50.640
And I think he just absorbed so much of it.

1093
01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:52.440
And we have had tons of freedom of it,

1094
01:17:52.440 --> 01:17:55.360
but in the quarantine, the homeschool stuff,

1095
01:17:55.360 --> 01:17:57.960
he got angry and I just looked at him and I was like,

1096
01:17:57.960 --> 01:17:59.880
that's not really your anger.

1097
01:17:59.880 --> 01:18:01.400
That's mommy's anger.

1098
01:18:01.400 --> 01:18:03.240
And let me just explain to you.

1099
01:18:03.240 --> 01:18:06.960
And we are weird and talk about Holy Spirit

1100
01:18:06.960 --> 01:18:09.520
and blah, blah, blah all day long.

1101
01:18:09.520 --> 01:18:13.240
And my in-laws are Baptists and wonderful and love the Lord,

1102
01:18:13.240 --> 01:18:15.880
but I am a lot for them.

1103
01:18:18.800 --> 01:18:20.480
Anyway, I'll just leave that.

1104
01:18:20.480 --> 01:18:21.320
You can imagine.

1105
01:18:22.040 --> 01:18:24.120
Anyway, I'm just like, listen,

1106
01:18:24.120 --> 01:18:26.360
this is how your spirit man works.

1107
01:18:26.360 --> 01:18:29.480
And mommy blessed your spirit man when you were in the womb,

1108
01:18:29.480 --> 01:18:31.640
but this is what was going on in mommy's spirit.

1109
01:18:31.640 --> 01:18:35.000
And I think you absorb that and you can just shake that off

1110
01:18:35.000 --> 01:18:36.520
because that's not yours.

1111
01:18:36.520 --> 01:18:39.440
That was mommy's and I'm free and you can be free.

1112
01:18:39.440 --> 01:18:42.680
And that made a tremendous difference

1113
01:18:42.680 --> 01:18:45.560
like the last six weeks for him to just be like,

1114
01:18:45.560 --> 01:18:46.840
this is yours.

1115
01:18:46.840 --> 01:18:49.640
And that kid has brought it up to me too.

1116
01:18:50.360 --> 01:18:53.160
Like later, like remember when I used to be angry

1117
01:18:53.160 --> 01:18:54.240
because of you?

1118
01:18:56.960 --> 01:18:58.120
Yes, I do.

1119
01:18:58.120 --> 01:19:00.000
Thank you so much.

1120
01:19:00.000 --> 01:19:02.160
Anyway, so that helps a lot

1121
01:19:02.160 --> 01:19:05.120
to just kind of get a fresh revelation of him in that

1122
01:19:05.120 --> 01:19:09.760
because, and that's how, yeah, that's how I wanna see him.

1123
01:19:09.760 --> 01:19:11.800
So thank you.

1124
01:19:11.800 --> 01:19:16.080
Yeah, and you know, also we can receive things

1125
01:19:16.880 --> 01:19:21.200
in the DNA from your husband.

1126
01:19:21.200 --> 01:19:24.640
I'm trying to remember, what is Frank's first name?

1127
01:19:24.640 --> 01:19:27.920
Oh, well, Frank, but his real, Eric.

1128
01:19:27.920 --> 01:19:29.120
Eric, here we go.

1129
01:19:29.120 --> 01:19:31.000
I thought it was Eric, but I wanted to make sure.

1130
01:19:31.000 --> 01:19:33.760
So yeah, so do you call him Frank

1131
01:19:33.760 --> 01:19:37.320
from Father of the Bride, Frank?

1132
01:19:37.320 --> 01:19:40.080
No, because that guy is gay,

1133
01:19:40.080 --> 01:19:42.160
which my husband is very much like,

1134
01:19:43.560 --> 01:19:45.800
this is not a reference to that movie.

1135
01:19:46.800 --> 01:19:50.600
But he, oh, bye Priscilla.

1136
01:19:50.600 --> 01:19:51.880
Okay, bye.

1137
01:19:53.800 --> 01:19:57.320
No, it's because our last name is Frank.

1138
01:19:57.320 --> 01:19:58.160
Yes.

1139
01:19:58.160 --> 01:19:59.880
So when I met him, like just as a.

1140
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.600
like as a part, like before we were dating or whatever,

1141
01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:04.440
I was like, your name is Eric Frank.

1142
01:20:04.440 --> 01:20:06.640
I was like, I'm gonna call you Frank.

1143
01:20:06.640 --> 01:20:07.800
I don't know.

1144
01:20:07.800 --> 01:20:10.080
Like, it just came out of me, I don't know.

1145
01:20:10.080 --> 01:20:12.280
Again, very weird.

1146
01:20:12.280 --> 01:20:14.400
I just assumed, I always assumed

1147
01:20:14.400 --> 01:20:18.080
that you pronounced it Frank because of the movie.

1148
01:20:18.080 --> 01:20:19.400
So anyway, you know, because there was,

1149
01:20:19.400 --> 01:20:21.040
you know, it's Frank, it's Frank.

1150
01:20:21.040 --> 01:20:21.880
And you always sounded like you like it.

1151
01:20:21.880 --> 01:20:25.440
I mean, I am French, that my heritage is French.

1152
01:20:25.440 --> 01:20:27.560
Like I'm pretty, I'm pretty,

1153
01:20:27.560 --> 01:20:30.360
I don't know that I'm 100%, but I'm pretty close.

1154
01:20:30.360 --> 01:20:33.480
And so I was like, well, I'm calling you Frank

1155
01:20:33.480 --> 01:20:36.560
because that's not, but I legit have friends

1156
01:20:36.560 --> 01:20:38.000
that think his name is Frank.

1157
01:20:38.000 --> 01:20:38.840
Do not know.

1158
01:20:40.160 --> 01:20:42.800
Yeah, I thought, I thought, I think his name is Eric,

1159
01:20:42.800 --> 01:20:44.400
but I don't want to be wrong about that

1160
01:20:44.400 --> 01:20:45.240
and just throw it out.

1161
01:20:45.240 --> 01:20:46.320
So I'll just ask her.

1162
01:20:46.320 --> 01:20:48.360
But so another thing that I wanted to mention

1163
01:20:48.360 --> 01:20:51.400
is obviously things can, which of course you know from him,

1164
01:20:51.400 --> 01:20:55.240
but from y'all's parents and from their parents

1165
01:20:55.240 --> 01:20:56.400
and then from, so in other words,

1166
01:20:56.400 --> 01:21:00.280
things are in the deep that generations have not overcome.

1167
01:21:00.280 --> 01:21:01.840
And when they haven't overcome it,

1168
01:21:01.840 --> 01:21:04.040
you remember that anything in the,

1169
01:21:05.000 --> 01:21:07.480
that things manifest down into the body,

1170
01:21:07.480 --> 01:21:09.040
meaning into the physical,

1171
01:21:09.040 --> 01:21:13.160
that according to what it is that we believe in our soul.

1172
01:21:13.160 --> 01:21:17.840
And so people haven't, if people have determined things

1173
01:21:17.840 --> 01:21:21.640
and then, and may, and committed certain felonies

1174
01:21:21.640 --> 01:21:24.680
or, you know, sins against the Lord or whatever,

1175
01:21:24.680 --> 01:21:26.400
and then it'll manifest in the body.

1176
01:21:26.400 --> 01:21:27.960
That means in the DNA as well.

1177
01:21:27.960 --> 01:21:30.840
And then if they had didn't overcome,

1178
01:21:30.840 --> 01:21:34.120
then it got passed down in the DNA to previous generations

1179
01:21:34.120 --> 01:21:35.640
who then have to overcome

1180
01:21:35.640 --> 01:21:38.400
before it finally stops being passed.

1181
01:21:38.400 --> 01:21:39.240
Yeah.

1182
01:21:39.240 --> 01:21:41.520
And so, so anyway, so in other words,

1183
01:21:41.520 --> 01:21:45.840
the point is that who knows where, like even your anger,

1184
01:21:45.840 --> 01:21:47.680
that that didn't come out of nowhere.

1185
01:21:47.680 --> 01:21:51.360
I mean, it comes from, you know, from, from things,

1186
01:21:51.360 --> 01:21:52.200
you know, that just come up

1187
01:21:52.200 --> 01:21:55.120
and then each of us just, just overcomes things.

1188
01:21:55.120 --> 01:21:58.760
And anyway, so a lot of that comes from the DNA

1189
01:21:58.760 --> 01:22:01.400
and down through the generations

1190
01:22:01.400 --> 01:22:04.200
and it allows us the opportunity

1191
01:22:04.200 --> 01:22:06.800
to take responsibility for something.

1192
01:22:06.800 --> 01:22:09.200
And, and like I keep saying, just overcome.

1193
01:22:09.200 --> 01:22:12.160
But anyway, thanks for, for mentioning that and asking.

1194
01:22:12.160 --> 01:22:13.080
Yeah, absolutely.

1195
01:22:13.080 --> 01:22:13.920
Thank you.

1196
01:22:14.960 --> 01:22:16.560
Does anyone have any?

1197
01:22:16.560 --> 01:22:17.400
Go ahead.

1198
01:22:17.400 --> 01:22:19.880
Sister and I always say break the cycle.

1199
01:22:19.880 --> 01:22:23.280
That's our big thing is we're going to break the cycle.

1200
01:22:23.280 --> 01:22:24.720
So that makes sense now.

1201
01:22:24.720 --> 01:22:27.320
I can actually see there is a legitimate cycle

1202
01:22:27.320 --> 01:22:28.800
down through it.

1203
01:22:28.800 --> 01:22:29.640
Yeah.

1204
01:22:31.600 --> 01:22:32.440
Yeah, it is.

1205
01:22:32.440 --> 01:22:34.240
It's, it's carried down into the,

1206
01:22:34.240 --> 01:22:36.800
whatever it is that we choose to do and believe

1207
01:22:36.800 --> 01:22:39.640
based off of our belief in the soul

1208
01:22:39.640 --> 01:22:42.120
will manifest down into the body and our body,

1209
01:22:42.120 --> 01:22:43.720
because our body receives its blueprint

1210
01:22:43.720 --> 01:22:45.040
and our instruction from the soul.

1211
01:22:45.040 --> 01:22:46.560
So if we, you know,

1212
01:22:46.560 --> 01:22:48.920
if we believe that we're in self-preservation mode,

1213
01:22:48.960 --> 01:22:51.080
if we believe that we're in self-protection mode,

1214
01:22:51.080 --> 01:22:53.920
if we lie based off of a belief or whatever,

1215
01:22:53.920 --> 01:22:55.960
it will, our body receives the blueprint

1216
01:22:55.960 --> 01:22:57.280
and it'll manifest somewhere,

1217
01:22:57.280 --> 01:22:59.880
including being written into the DNA

1218
01:22:59.880 --> 01:23:02.800
and, and so to speak.

1219
01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:05.400
And, and then it'll be,

1220
01:23:05.400 --> 01:23:07.720
and then it'll be trans, trans,

1221
01:23:07.720 --> 01:23:09.920
but we transferred, you know, from child to child.

1222
01:23:09.920 --> 01:23:11.400
So anyway.

1223
01:23:11.400 --> 01:23:14.440
I suddenly kind of feel like I've ruined my kids already.

1224
01:23:14.440 --> 01:23:17.200
No, you haven't ruined anything.

1225
01:23:17.560 --> 01:23:20.400
This is us being people and,

1226
01:23:20.400 --> 01:23:23.320
and just learning, having, like I said,

1227
01:23:23.320 --> 01:23:25.960
the opportunity to overcome things,

1228
01:23:25.960 --> 01:23:30.840
which is bringing further dominion of God into creation.

1229
01:23:30.840 --> 01:23:35.840
And our children aren't ours.

1230
01:23:36.080 --> 01:23:37.160
They're God's.

1231
01:23:37.160 --> 01:23:39.000
They were born through us.

1232
01:23:39.000 --> 01:23:43.920
So it's not like, oh, well, you know,

1233
01:23:43.920 --> 01:23:46.880
they're a product of something that I created

1234
01:23:47.560 --> 01:23:49.440
and I'm giving to God and I messed it up.

1235
01:23:49.440 --> 01:23:52.280
No, they have their own responsibility to the Lord

1236
01:23:52.280 --> 01:23:54.160
and the Lord put their spirit on earth,

1237
01:23:54.160 --> 01:23:57.800
which might as they grow up minute

1238
01:23:57.800 --> 01:24:00.280
and is meant to minister to you

1239
01:24:00.280 --> 01:24:03.760
and to overcome and redeem things for your benefit,

1240
01:24:03.760 --> 01:24:05.720
for the benefit of previous generations.

1241
01:24:05.720 --> 01:24:08.080
So every generation, whether it's the,

1242
01:24:08.080 --> 01:24:11.800
it's the prior generation or the descendant,

1243
01:24:11.800 --> 01:24:14.040
whether it's the ancestors or the descendants,

1244
01:24:14.080 --> 01:24:17.160
each of them are meant to give something to the other.

1245
01:24:19.080 --> 01:24:20.240
So your, for instance,

1246
01:24:20.240 --> 01:24:21.760
one of the things that you're giving your children

1247
01:24:21.760 --> 01:24:23.040
is a spiritual inheritance

1248
01:24:23.040 --> 01:24:25.560
in which they will be able to stand on your shoulders

1249
01:24:25.560 --> 01:24:28.160
where your skin is their floor.

1250
01:24:28.160 --> 01:24:29.600
And then they go up from there.

1251
01:24:29.600 --> 01:24:31.960
And so you provided them with that support

1252
01:24:31.960 --> 01:24:33.280
and now they grow,

1253
01:24:33.280 --> 01:24:35.800
they're giving further revelations

1254
01:24:35.800 --> 01:24:37.480
and responsibilities from the Lord

1255
01:24:37.480 --> 01:24:40.960
to then come around and benefit you with,

1256
01:24:40.960 --> 01:24:43.600
because they grew further than you did in the Lord.

1257
01:24:44.200 --> 01:24:45.560
They received further revelations, et cetera.

1258
01:24:45.560 --> 01:24:47.360
So each of this helps the other.

1259
01:24:47.360 --> 01:24:48.680
So we provided this,

1260
01:24:48.680 --> 01:24:50.920
we provided their floor

1261
01:24:50.920 --> 01:24:52.920
and then they gave us a new ceiling

1262
01:24:52.920 --> 01:24:55.560
because we're all one body of Christ.

1263
01:24:55.560 --> 01:24:57.560
So there's no need for us to like,

1264
01:24:57.560 --> 01:24:58.800
just fill this up again,

1265
01:24:58.800 --> 01:25:00.200
the self-contamination of.

1266
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.640
Even towards our children, I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry.

1267
01:25:02.640 --> 01:25:05.320
I've been to cause, I've messed it up.

1268
01:25:05.320 --> 01:25:08.480
No, God has a destiny that he intended for them

1269
01:25:08.480 --> 01:25:11.680
that they are responsible to him for.

1270
01:25:11.680 --> 01:25:13.520
And then they will then,

1271
01:25:13.520 --> 01:25:15.640
we've given them tremendous blessing.

1272
01:25:15.640 --> 01:25:18.740
They will then turn around with that responsibility

1273
01:25:18.740 --> 01:25:20.360
and then bless us from it,

1274
01:25:20.360 --> 01:25:21.800
from what they've done from it as well.

1275
01:25:21.800 --> 01:25:23.800
So each of us is given a responsibility

1276
01:25:23.800 --> 01:25:27.520
to the generations prior to and after us.

1277
01:25:27.520 --> 01:25:29.160
So, does that make sense?

1278
01:25:29.160 --> 01:25:31.040
So anyway, we're all free.

1279
01:25:35.000 --> 01:25:38.800
So does anyone have anything before we go?

1280
01:25:39.880 --> 01:25:42.920
I have a question that you can absolutely talk about

1281
01:25:42.920 --> 01:25:44.840
next week, cause it is 1030,

1282
01:25:44.840 --> 01:25:49.840
but you sometimes mention that,

1283
01:25:49.960 --> 01:25:54.960
like that nature and the laws of the spirit,

1284
01:25:56.360 --> 01:25:58.440
the laws of the world.

1285
01:25:58.440 --> 01:25:59.480
I'm trying to remember all the ones

1286
01:25:59.480 --> 01:26:01.040
that scripture brings out,

1287
01:26:01.040 --> 01:26:04.920
but I've heard that those are to serve the sons of God.

1288
01:26:04.920 --> 01:26:08.040
And that is something that I have wondered about

1289
01:26:08.040 --> 01:26:09.520
in scripture for a long time.

1290
01:26:09.520 --> 01:26:12.640
And I would love to hear you do a teaching on it

1291
01:26:12.640 --> 01:26:15.600
or expound on it or whatever, when there's time,

1292
01:26:15.600 --> 01:26:18.200
not tonight, but like just whenever there's time.

1293
01:26:18.200 --> 01:26:21.200
Okay, talking about how they serve us,

1294
01:26:21.200 --> 01:26:22.720
not how we serve them?

1295
01:26:22.720 --> 01:26:23.560
Yes.

1296
01:26:23.560 --> 01:26:24.920
Okay, okay.

1297
01:26:24.920 --> 01:26:26.000
All right, good to know.

1298
01:26:26.000 --> 01:26:27.440
Okay, I'll do that.

1299
01:26:27.440 --> 01:26:31.040
Oh, by the way, did you remember,

1300
01:26:31.040 --> 01:26:33.120
okay, you remember that,

1301
01:26:33.120 --> 01:26:34.720
cause I was going back to,

1302
01:26:34.720 --> 01:26:37.920
you had asked me a question maybe about three weeks ago

1303
01:26:37.920 --> 01:26:40.880
on a session I was doing about

1304
01:26:40.880 --> 01:26:44.800
how you feel like you're a martyr.

1305
01:26:46.320 --> 01:26:49.000
Oh, you're tired of feeling like a martyr,

1306
01:26:50.000 --> 01:26:51.520
getting a martyrdom syndrome.

1307
01:26:51.520 --> 01:26:54.320
And what was that?

1308
01:26:54.320 --> 01:26:56.000
That's the word that I remember from it.

1309
01:26:56.000 --> 01:26:58.160
And you said, hey, and you asked a question

1310
01:26:58.160 --> 01:26:59.680
and I said, oh, I need to work on

1311
01:26:59.680 --> 01:27:01.240
how to articulate that better.

1312
01:27:01.240 --> 01:27:03.320
Cause yes, I've been through that as well.

1313
01:27:03.320 --> 01:27:05.920
But then I rewatched the teaching and I realized,

1314
01:27:05.920 --> 01:27:07.640
oh no, I answered her question.

1315
01:27:07.640 --> 01:27:09.760
But afterwards, and if I'm not mistaken,

1316
01:27:09.760 --> 01:27:11.960
you may have had to leave this session early.

1317
01:27:11.960 --> 01:27:15.600
So I wanted to see if you could go find that,

1318
01:27:15.600 --> 01:27:17.920
see if you'd watch the rest of that session

1319
01:27:17.920 --> 01:27:19.320
and if it answered your question.

1320
01:27:19.320 --> 01:27:20.640
Cause if it didn't answer your question,

1321
01:27:20.640 --> 01:27:22.200
I want to make sure to answer it.

1322
01:27:22.200 --> 01:27:23.040
Because-

1323
01:27:23.040 --> 01:27:24.880
We talked about the martyr thing,

1324
01:27:24.880 --> 01:27:27.000
like on our Zoom call a couple of weeks ago,

1325
01:27:27.000 --> 01:27:29.120
but the live-

1326
01:27:29.120 --> 01:27:32.480
Yeah, there was a lot when you mentioned the word martyr.

1327
01:27:32.480 --> 01:27:36.440
I think it was, okay, so my husband's family,

1328
01:27:36.440 --> 01:27:40.640
who is wonderful, but like are a bunch of martyrs.

1329
01:27:40.640 --> 01:27:43.960
And I come from a family where you would take,

1330
01:27:43.960 --> 01:27:47.040
where you are well loved and respected

1331
01:27:47.040 --> 01:27:48.560
and you take care of yourself.

1332
01:27:49.560 --> 01:27:54.280
So that has been some getting used to, to me,

1333
01:27:54.280 --> 01:27:55.640
cause I don't speak that language.

1334
01:27:55.640 --> 01:27:57.160
I don't understand what's going on.

1335
01:27:57.160 --> 01:27:59.440
Like our first couple of Christmases, I was like,

1336
01:27:59.440 --> 01:28:03.120
what's happening in the living room right now?

1337
01:28:03.120 --> 01:28:05.400
No one is speaking to each other

1338
01:28:05.400 --> 01:28:08.080
and there's like a palpable tension.

1339
01:28:08.080 --> 01:28:09.480
And I don't understand,

1340
01:28:09.480 --> 01:28:12.400
cause we've been in this house for four days together

1341
01:28:12.400 --> 01:28:15.680
and like, what's happening?

1342
01:28:15.680 --> 01:28:18.160
Anyway, it's just like this whole thing where it's like,

1343
01:28:18.320 --> 01:28:19.680
no, no, you go ahead.

1344
01:28:19.680 --> 01:28:20.920
No, you go ahead.

1345
01:28:20.920 --> 01:28:22.400
No, I hate your guts more.

1346
01:28:22.400 --> 01:28:23.520
Why don't you go ahead?

1347
01:28:23.520 --> 01:28:25.120
No, I loathe you completely.

1348
01:28:25.120 --> 01:28:26.440
Please let you go ahead.

1349
01:28:26.440 --> 01:28:28.800
I mean, it's just like this, like, I hate you,

1350
01:28:28.800 --> 01:28:31.040
but I will show you what a good person I am.

1351
01:28:31.040 --> 01:28:32.520
It's like, whacko.

1352
01:28:32.520 --> 01:28:33.960
Okay, anyway.

1353
01:28:33.960 --> 01:28:37.760
So what we were talking about

1354
01:28:37.760 --> 01:28:41.040
is trying to receive love from others

1355
01:28:42.200 --> 01:28:45.600
and like talking to the person's like highest self,

1356
01:28:45.600 --> 01:28:49.080
but then them like still treating you out of your soul

1357
01:28:49.080 --> 01:28:52.360
and how, I think it was something along the lines

1358
01:28:52.360 --> 01:28:54.000
and I will try to go back and find it.

1359
01:28:54.000 --> 01:28:55.920
I probably, I have to like search

1360
01:28:55.920 --> 01:28:59.280
for the Zoom call instructions every Thursday night.

1361
01:28:59.280 --> 01:29:02.080
So I'm not sure I can go back and find it

1362
01:29:02.080 --> 01:29:04.360
cause I'm always like, oh God, oh God.

1363
01:29:04.360 --> 01:29:06.640
Like I'm like on my phone.

1364
01:29:06.640 --> 01:29:09.120
That's why I'm 10 minutes late every week.

1365
01:29:09.120 --> 01:29:12.160
But by the way, what I did is I provided it.

1366
01:29:12.160 --> 01:29:15.560
I created a post for the Zoom call only

1367
01:29:16.400 --> 01:29:19.120
and what I did is I put, if you go to the post topics,

1368
01:29:19.120 --> 01:29:21.520
there's one that's called Zoom meeting

1369
01:29:21.520 --> 01:29:23.840
and it has only one post associated with it.

1370
01:29:23.840 --> 01:29:25.800
And if you click on that, you click on that

1371
01:29:25.800 --> 01:29:26.920
and it'll take you to the post

1372
01:29:26.920 --> 01:29:28.840
and then you click on the big Zoom.

1373
01:29:28.840 --> 01:29:30.240
Ah, thank you.

1374
01:29:30.240 --> 01:29:31.320
Okay.

1375
01:29:31.320 --> 01:29:34.600
It's not a community cause I was concerned

1376
01:29:34.600 --> 01:29:37.760
that people then had to like open the announcement,

1377
01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:39.600
scroll down and find the link.

1378
01:29:39.600 --> 01:29:41.280
And so I made a little,

1379
01:29:41.280 --> 01:29:43.960
that little click button for like Zoom meetings.

1380
01:29:44.000 --> 01:29:44.840
So you have to click on that,

1381
01:29:44.840 --> 01:29:46.640
but that'll take you to the post

1382
01:29:46.640 --> 01:29:48.280
and you have to click on the post.

1383
01:29:48.280 --> 01:29:49.120
Okay, great.

1384
01:29:49.120 --> 01:29:51.560
Like just click on the picture and it'll take you here.

1385
01:29:51.560 --> 01:29:53.560
Yeah, I told everybody that earlier,

1386
01:29:53.560 --> 01:29:54.840
so that'll be faster.

1387
01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:56.600
But okay, so yeah, now I'm remembering.

1388
01:29:56.600 --> 01:29:57.640
Yes, it was about that.

1389
01:29:57.640 --> 01:29:58.920
It was about the fact that, you know,

1390
01:29:58.920 --> 01:29:59.960
talking to people.

1391
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:08.000
How to talk to someone up here and what to do if you if they keep talking to you down here and and that you

1392
01:30:08.720 --> 01:30:11.040
In an in you constantly feeling rejection.

1393
01:30:11.360 --> 01:30:11.880
That's what

1394
01:30:12.120 --> 01:30:20.680
Saying that comment. Okay, because I was mentioning some of the rejection, but I did it, but then you said another comment. And then I said, oh, I think

1395
01:30:20.680 --> 01:30:24.320
It had to do with like rejection and boundaries and

1396
01:30:25.320 --> 01:30:32.120
And stuff like that because one thing that I have really experienced in marriage and with my in-laws is

1397
01:30:32.960 --> 01:30:40.800
Rejection, but it's very quiet. And it's it's not like we hate you guys. So we don't want anything to do with you. It's like I

1398
01:30:44.040 --> 01:30:48.900
Don't I mean it's like what restaurant we go to it's I mean it is like

1399
01:30:49.840 --> 01:30:51.440
everything and

1400
01:30:51.440 --> 01:30:54.280
it's it's the it's so bizarre and

1401
01:30:54.880 --> 01:30:55.840
That was aware

1402
01:30:55.840 --> 01:31:00.360
A lot of my anger came from my first couple years of being married because I felt so unloved

1403
01:31:00.880 --> 01:31:07.040
but I and I had not felt that before from family from like close relationships and

1404
01:31:07.560 --> 01:31:13.600
I didn't know what to do with it and I wasn't expecting it. And then here's my poor husband who only

1405
01:31:14.120 --> 01:31:16.120
comes from

1406
01:31:16.160 --> 01:31:19.080
I'm a martyr. I'm laying my life down for you

1407
01:31:19.720 --> 01:31:25.400
Why are you asking me for specific things? Why like why isn't what I'm doing enough why you know, like

1408
01:31:26.040 --> 01:31:28.040
that kind of thing and a total lack of

1409
01:31:28.880 --> 01:31:30.880
emotional intimacy and

1410
01:31:31.800 --> 01:31:35.160
You know, and then I'm like, let's talk about our feelings

1411
01:31:35.160 --> 01:31:39.560
It is, you know, like exploding inside and like cannot handle it at all

1412
01:31:39.560 --> 01:31:45.080
I mean, I don't like say that but you know that like whole mentality of like let's dream together and that kind of thing

1413
01:31:45.080 --> 01:31:51.760
I mean we're much better now, but just sort of like I joke about it, but it it was really serious and I

1414
01:31:52.280 --> 01:31:56.200
I didn't know I didn't know if I could stay in the marriage. I didn't know what I could do it

1415
01:31:56.200 --> 01:32:00.160
And I mean, it was just sort of like a disaster and no and then I was magically pregnant

1416
01:32:01.160 --> 01:32:07.640
Oh gosh, so it was kind of all that. So anyway, I'm so sorry. I rabbit trail like this guys

1417
01:32:07.640 --> 01:32:11.840
I just want you to know I see it about myself and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry

1418
01:32:12.360 --> 01:32:16.400
Like this you guys I just want you to know I see it about myself, I know it and I'm just

1419
01:32:17.000 --> 01:32:18.800
I enjoy it. I

1420
01:32:18.800 --> 01:32:24.240
Study in this community now knows why why Holly was my very dear friend and called

1421
01:32:25.920 --> 01:32:31.440
I love your rabbit trails because I completely relate to them. Oh good

1422
01:32:31.440 --> 01:32:36.200
Okay, I actually message Ashley after your question at night and said you can feel free to use

1423
01:32:37.160 --> 01:32:43.560
Anything I've told you about my family when you answer this question because yeah, I can relate so the reject

1424
01:32:44.400 --> 01:32:48.800
Helps me to to just know that yeah, you know somebody else for sure

1425
01:32:50.200 --> 01:32:55.960
Christmas is just like when I messaged Ashley after and I have my retainer and so I can't talk

1426
01:32:56.800 --> 01:32:58.800
I

1427
01:33:00.000 --> 01:33:05.040
After my uncle's funeral and we literally sat there it was like 30 plus minutes

1428
01:33:05.640 --> 01:33:09.160
Dead silence and no pun intended but just staring straight ahead

1429
01:33:09.840 --> 01:33:14.120
It's like you guys seriously hate each other enough that you're just sit here. So we just sit there

1430
01:33:14.720 --> 01:33:16.720
Waiting for you to start

1431
01:33:17.200 --> 01:33:21.920
Our first Christmas we came so we live in North Carolina now, but we were in Texas

1432
01:33:22.120 --> 01:33:26.240
We came to North Carolina for nine days we've been married for like two months

1433
01:33:26.240 --> 01:33:28.240
I was like, I feel like this is a bad idea

1434
01:33:28.240 --> 01:33:35.000
Like I feel like this is sort of gonna be too much. Anyway, am I my husband has these sisters y'all?

1435
01:33:35.000 --> 01:33:37.400
Have you seen Cinderella? Okay, and

1436
01:33:38.880 --> 01:33:44.800
Like, um, I could tell you stories and you would be like, that's not real and I'd be like honest to God

1437
01:33:44.800 --> 01:33:47.600
that is exactly what happened, but anyway, and

1438
01:33:48.120 --> 01:33:53.960
It was Christmas and they don't like speak to each other they just like move around the house

1439
01:33:53.960 --> 01:34:00.640
so then I come in and I'm like this perky like trying to fit into my new in-law family and

1440
01:34:01.160 --> 01:34:03.760
And I was feeling really nauseous because I was pregnant

1441
01:34:03.760 --> 01:34:06.000
We've been married for like nine weeks and I was pregnant

1442
01:34:06.000 --> 01:34:12.160
I had no idea because I I never watched out for a pregnancy before we waited until we were married

1443
01:34:12.760 --> 01:34:15.160
to have sex and so I just like I

1444
01:34:16.160 --> 01:34:20.920
Didn't know I actually didn't know very much about my body. Okay, that's like the honest truth

1445
01:34:20.920 --> 01:34:24.160
So I like didn't even like pay attention to missing a period whatever

1446
01:34:24.960 --> 01:34:27.920
It's like so cuz I remember when I got the call that I was pregnant

1447
01:34:27.920 --> 01:34:31.560
The nurse was like your HCG levels are really high

1448
01:34:31.560 --> 01:34:36.880
We are thinking you could be like 10 weeks pregnant and I'd be like is I was like this is what I said

1449
01:34:36.880 --> 01:34:38.520
Is that a lot?

1450
01:34:38.520 --> 01:34:42.200
Like what is that? Is that a lot of pregnancy? What is?

1451
01:34:43.200 --> 01:34:50.040
This is so how dumb how dumb can you I mean, I look at that now and I'm like, oh god help that girl anyway, but

1452
01:34:51.240 --> 01:34:56.280
So we're stuck in this house and I'm like, you know, like hey, does anybody want to go to coffee?

1453
01:34:57.160 --> 01:34:59.160
And his sisters would like run

1454
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.280
look at me and just turn around and leave the room.

1455
01:35:03.280 --> 01:35:06.360
Like they wouldn't say no, they wouldn't say yes.

1456
01:35:06.360 --> 01:35:09.280
They would just like stare at me and like walk away.

1457
01:35:09.280 --> 01:35:11.520
And sometimes they'd walk in like opposite directions

1458
01:35:11.520 --> 01:35:13.400
and we're all near the same age.

1459
01:35:13.400 --> 01:35:17.240
And I'd be like, no, no, no.

1460
01:35:17.240 --> 01:35:19.480
And then I, so then I go to Eric and I'd be like,

1461
01:35:19.480 --> 01:35:22.280
so should I ask him again later?

1462
01:35:22.280 --> 01:35:24.280
Do you think I asked the wrong way?

1463
01:35:24.280 --> 01:35:25.120
Like what?

1464
01:35:25.120 --> 01:35:26.240
And he would be like, I don't know.

1465
01:35:26.240 --> 01:35:27.080
I don't care.

1466
01:35:27.080 --> 01:35:28.440
Don't talk to them at all.

1467
01:35:28.440 --> 01:35:29.720
It doesn't even matter.

1468
01:35:29.760 --> 01:35:31.880
And I'd be like, no, no, I know we can be friends.

1469
01:35:31.880 --> 01:35:33.200
I know it'll be great.

1470
01:35:33.200 --> 01:35:35.560
I'm just trying to think like how to relate to them.

1471
01:35:35.560 --> 01:35:37.760
And he'd be like, don't, don't even try.

1472
01:35:37.760 --> 01:35:39.680
Do not try to relate to them.

1473
01:35:39.680 --> 01:35:44.680
Oh, and now like after we've been married seven years,

1474
01:35:44.800 --> 01:35:48.080
so like after like maybe like our five and a half,

1475
01:35:48.080 --> 01:35:49.760
six years, I was like, you know what?

1476
01:35:49.760 --> 01:35:50.600
I quit.

1477
01:35:50.600 --> 01:35:51.640
I completely quit.

1478
01:35:51.640 --> 01:35:54.800
And like I've had to block one of them on Facebook,

1479
01:35:54.800 --> 01:35:56.200
which is a whole thing.

1480
01:35:56.200 --> 01:35:58.680
Every time I post something cute about the boys

1481
01:35:58.680 --> 01:36:00.280
and the little sister can't see it,

1482
01:36:00.280 --> 01:36:01.560
the mom calls me.

1483
01:36:01.560 --> 01:36:02.560
Well, she can't see it.

1484
01:36:02.560 --> 01:36:03.720
Could you text it to her?

1485
01:36:03.720 --> 01:36:05.480
And I'm like, I would love to,

1486
01:36:05.480 --> 01:36:07.760
but I'm still, she's still blocked on Facebook.

1487
01:36:07.760 --> 01:36:11.360
Like it is the most bizarre.

1488
01:36:11.360 --> 01:36:12.400
It's so bizarre.

1489
01:36:12.400 --> 01:36:13.240
And part of me is like,

1490
01:36:13.240 --> 01:36:16.360
I bet you wish you went to coffee with me five years ago.

1491
01:36:16.360 --> 01:36:17.200
Don't you?

1492
01:36:17.200 --> 01:36:19.200
Because now you're blocked on Facebook.

1493
01:36:22.160 --> 01:36:23.160
It's so relatable.

1494
01:36:23.160 --> 01:36:24.000
Oh my gosh.

1495
01:36:24.000 --> 01:36:24.840
Yeah.

1496
01:36:24.840 --> 01:36:25.680
It's so.

1497
01:36:25.680 --> 01:36:26.520
Nuts.

1498
01:36:26.600 --> 01:36:27.920
It's so insane.

1499
01:36:30.400 --> 01:36:32.720
Oh my word, that's funny.

1500
01:36:32.720 --> 01:36:34.880
Oh, I like how you tell stories, Holly.

1501
01:36:37.440 --> 01:36:38.880
But next time, if there's time,

1502
01:36:38.880 --> 01:36:40.560
I'll tell y'all about the family pictures

1503
01:36:40.560 --> 01:36:42.000
that we took on Christmas

1504
01:36:42.000 --> 01:36:45.600
where one sister punched the other sister in the stomach.

1505
01:36:51.240 --> 01:36:52.080
Yes.

1506
01:36:52.080 --> 01:36:54.120
It was like, and I was like,

1507
01:36:54.120 --> 01:36:55.280
did you see that?

1508
01:36:55.280 --> 01:36:56.120
Did you?

1509
01:36:56.120 --> 01:36:58.320
You need to just tell it now.

1510
01:36:58.320 --> 01:36:59.400
Oh, yeah, I guess so.

1511
01:36:59.400 --> 01:37:00.440
Here we are all together.

1512
01:37:00.440 --> 01:37:01.280
Okay.

1513
01:37:01.280 --> 01:37:02.120
Are you okay, Kari?

1514
01:37:02.120 --> 01:37:03.240
Are you like dying inside?

1515
01:37:03.240 --> 01:37:05.400
Like, oh God, here she goes.

1516
01:37:05.400 --> 01:37:07.400
Yeah, that's cute.

1517
01:37:07.400 --> 01:37:08.240
Yeah.

1518
01:37:08.240 --> 01:37:10.080
So we're like taking family pictures

1519
01:37:10.080 --> 01:37:13.480
and my mother-in-law is really wonderful

1520
01:37:13.480 --> 01:37:14.760
and I really like her so much,

1521
01:37:14.760 --> 01:37:18.240
but she asks questions in a condemning way.

1522
01:37:18.240 --> 01:37:20.320
So she'll say, is that shirt new?

1523
01:37:21.320 --> 01:37:23.960
And you're like, cause you hate it?

1524
01:37:23.960 --> 01:37:25.000
Cause it's ugly?

1525
01:37:25.000 --> 01:37:27.080
Cause I look terrible in it?

1526
01:37:27.080 --> 01:37:31.280
Because I don't know what, like you can't,

1527
01:37:31.280 --> 01:37:33.840
there's always like this tone

1528
01:37:33.840 --> 01:37:36.880
and it like, she goes up at the end of all her sentences

1529
01:37:36.880 --> 01:37:38.640
and so it's like this question

1530
01:37:38.640 --> 01:37:42.320
and if you answer it wrong, you're a bad person.

1531
01:37:42.320 --> 01:37:43.800
Like, I don't know what it is.

1532
01:37:44.880 --> 01:37:48.080
And so anyway, she asked her older daughter

1533
01:37:48.320 --> 01:37:50.960
who had just cut her hair really short,

1534
01:37:50.960 --> 01:37:53.280
which the parents were very upset about, of course.

1535
01:37:53.280 --> 01:37:58.000
And she was like, oh, are you wearing your hair like that?

1536
01:37:58.000 --> 01:38:03.000
And the older sister started screaming, just screamed.

1537
01:38:03.520 --> 01:38:06.080
So Fran and I are upstairs like getting dressed

1538
01:38:06.080 --> 01:38:09.200
for the pictures and then this like screaming starts

1539
01:38:09.200 --> 01:38:11.520
and I'm like looking at him like, what do we do?

1540
01:38:11.520 --> 01:38:12.360
Should we go down?

1541
01:38:12.360 --> 01:38:13.480
Should we listen?

1542
01:38:13.480 --> 01:38:14.320
Could I listen?

1543
01:38:14.320 --> 01:38:15.160
Could I open the door?

1544
01:38:15.160 --> 01:38:17.120
Because I'm gonna need to know what's going on

1545
01:38:17.120 --> 01:38:20.000
because I'm gonna need, I'm the only one in the house

1546
01:38:20.000 --> 01:38:22.280
that's gonna be able to smooth this over later.

1547
01:38:22.280 --> 01:38:24.520
And if I can't smooth it over,

1548
01:38:24.520 --> 01:38:26.120
I'm gonna be stuck in this house

1549
01:38:26.120 --> 01:38:29.640
for three or four days of silence and I will lose it

1550
01:38:29.640 --> 01:38:33.320
because I am a sad, unloved puppy dog

1551
01:38:33.320 --> 01:38:35.080
that is desperate right now.

1552
01:38:36.280 --> 01:38:40.480
And so it's just like, so anyway, it's about her hair.

1553
01:38:40.480 --> 01:38:41.920
You always have to look at my hair.

1554
01:38:41.920 --> 01:38:44.320
So she's screaming and then there's this whole dynamic

1555
01:38:44.320 --> 01:38:48.400
where like the dad cannot step in and be like,

1556
01:38:48.400 --> 01:38:51.000
you will not scream at your mother.

1557
01:38:51.000 --> 01:38:53.280
You 30 something, like you will,

1558
01:38:53.280 --> 01:38:55.120
we will not have this in the house.

1559
01:38:55.120 --> 01:38:57.360
You know, whatever.

1560
01:38:57.360 --> 01:38:58.440
He can't lay down the line

1561
01:38:58.440 --> 01:39:00.360
because the mom wants to keep the peace.

1562
01:39:00.360 --> 01:39:02.640
So if he's like, you may not do that,

1563
01:39:02.640 --> 01:39:04.240
then she's like, no, no, no, no.

1564
01:39:04.240 --> 01:39:05.280
That'll make her more mad.

1565
01:39:05.280 --> 01:39:07.640
And here's the deal, the older one,

1566
01:39:07.640 --> 01:39:09.160
you do not wanna make her mad.

1567
01:39:09.160 --> 01:39:11.400
I mean, she will punish you.

1568
01:39:11.400 --> 01:39:14.520
It is, I don't wanna be weird,

1569
01:39:14.520 --> 01:39:16.520
but it is like a spirit of Leviathan.

1570
01:39:16.520 --> 01:39:17.520
It is nasty.

1571
01:39:17.520 --> 01:39:18.880
You do not wanna go there,

1572
01:39:19.960 --> 01:39:21.680
which I found out the hard way.

1573
01:39:21.680 --> 01:39:26.040
So it's like, so she's screaming,

1574
01:39:26.040 --> 01:39:29.920
then she starts, you know, and the mom is like,

1575
01:39:29.920 --> 01:39:32.480
no, I love her, no, I love her hair.

1576
01:39:32.480 --> 01:39:33.440
It's fine.

1577
01:39:33.440 --> 01:39:34.440
Don't even worry about it.

1578
01:39:34.440 --> 01:39:35.400
It's fine.

1579
01:39:35.400 --> 01:39:36.240
It's fine.

1580
01:39:36.240 --> 01:39:37.520
Okay, it's fine.

1581
01:39:37.520 --> 01:39:38.920
Which is then the phrase,

1582
01:39:38.960 --> 01:39:41.400
which you know means it's not fine.

1583
01:39:41.400 --> 01:39:43.520
And so it's just like this whole thing over and over.

1584
01:39:43.520 --> 01:39:46.600
So the little sister is now coming down the stairs.

1585
01:39:46.600 --> 01:39:47.960
The big sister who's been screaming

1586
01:39:47.960 --> 01:39:50.560
is coming up the stairs and she is so enraged.

1587
01:39:50.560 --> 01:39:55.080
She just like, with her momentum, just like gut punches,

1588
01:39:55.080 --> 01:39:56.560
the younger one of the stomachs,

1589
01:39:56.560 --> 01:39:59.680
she goes down the stairs, starts like heaving.

1590
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.480
Oh, she just got punched in the stomach. And then the, and here's the thing, my older,

1591
01:40:07.480 --> 01:40:13.360
my older sister-in-law has a little boy and is not married, but she has a little boy.

1592
01:40:13.360 --> 01:40:18.840
And so he's like probably three at the time, maybe four. So he's like, you know, like,

1593
01:40:18.840 --> 01:40:22.520
why is it, why is everybody crying and screaming? Cause now my mother-in-law is in the kitchen

1594
01:40:22.520 --> 01:40:27.480
crying and my father-in-law is like, you shouldn't let her talk to you like that. And she's like,

1595
01:40:27.480 --> 01:40:32.920
promise me you won't say anything or she won't smile for the pictures, which she did it.

1596
01:40:32.920 --> 01:40:37.720
So we took all of these family pictures and the little sister the whole time was like,

1597
01:40:37.720 --> 01:40:43.840
I can't breathe. Oh God, I can't breathe. And I'm like sitting there with her, like

1598
01:40:43.840 --> 01:40:50.000
with Will, who's like a baby. And I'm like, what do we do? And the older sister-in-law

1599
01:40:50.080 --> 01:40:58.000
would not smile in any of them. So then, and this is what the mom asked for every Christmas.

1600
01:40:58.000 --> 01:41:02.320
I just want us all to be together. And I just want to take family pictures. And then what

1601
01:41:02.320 --> 01:41:06.800
does everyone complain about is the family pictures. And so now when everybody complains

1602
01:41:06.800 --> 01:41:12.960
about them, like we're, I'm like, we're all like between 33 and 40. So nobody gets to complain

1603
01:41:12.960 --> 01:41:18.960
about family pictures anymore because you're grownups and it's done. And so now like when

1604
01:41:18.960 --> 01:41:24.480
everybody's like, are we color coordinating? Which is always my idea. Like, are we color

1605
01:41:24.480 --> 01:41:28.480
coordinating this year or whatever? I'm like, listen, this is what Kathy wants for Christmas

1606
01:41:28.480 --> 01:41:32.800
and we're giving it to her because it takes 20 minutes and she's wonderful and she cooks

1607
01:41:32.800 --> 01:41:37.920
us meals for a week. And so we will do whatever she wants for, I will do whatever she wants for

1608
01:41:37.920 --> 01:41:42.480
20 minutes because I don't want to cook for a week. Okay. I don't care what it, I'll stand on

1609
01:41:42.480 --> 01:41:51.680
my head, just shut up, put a sweater on like, geez. Anyway, but it is like, every time we have

1610
01:41:51.680 --> 01:42:00.640
to take a family picture, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. So that's what you were referring to in those

1611
01:42:00.640 --> 01:42:07.120
comments. You're just like, how do you handle this kind of like dynamic, you know, like for

1612
01:42:07.120 --> 01:42:13.440
yourself? You were saying like, when you're in a situation. I figured out with them pretty much

1613
01:42:15.200 --> 01:42:22.240
like there is no handling it. Like I don't have any authority there and my husband does not want

1614
01:42:22.240 --> 01:42:27.360
to have anything to do with them. And so it's just, it's just these like holiday scenarios where

1615
01:42:27.360 --> 01:42:32.880
we're like in the same house together for days. And even in that, I've had to put down boundaries

1616
01:42:32.880 --> 01:42:37.840
with the boys. Like I've, I've been like, I don't want my boys in this atmosphere. So we will go for

1617
01:42:37.840 --> 01:42:42.240
this event and we will go for that event. And then, and then we live an hour away. So now it's a lot

1618
01:42:42.240 --> 01:42:48.320
like, okay, we come home at night period. You know? So, I mean, a lot has, has changed and has really

1619
01:42:48.320 --> 01:42:54.080
benefited from that, but my husband doesn't want any relationship with his sisters at all. And so

1620
01:42:54.480 --> 01:43:02.320
and they don't try, but that's our fault. You know, like, I don't know. I don't know.

1621
01:43:02.320 --> 01:43:08.720
You can't, here's the deal. It's a, it's offense. It's a spirit of offense. And it really is this

1622
01:43:08.720 --> 01:43:13.280
Leviathan thing where like you even say something to them and it gets twisted in the air of like

1623
01:43:13.280 --> 01:43:20.720
what they hear and they can't receive anything. And so it's just a mess. It's just a huge disaster.

1624
01:43:21.280 --> 01:43:27.600
And I don't, I feel like the Lord has basically said to me, like, you don't have the authority

1625
01:43:27.600 --> 01:43:34.240
to do anything here and everything you try to plant gets eaten by the crows. So just like

1626
01:43:34.240 --> 01:43:38.800
keep your peace and hush it. Like keep your peace and be quiet and go on. And I'm like,

1627
01:43:40.640 --> 01:43:45.920
no, I know. But, but for a long time I was like, but I want them to be my friends.

1628
01:43:46.560 --> 01:43:52.400
I know there does come a point. It's interesting where, where Jesus, you know, told the disciples,

1629
01:43:52.400 --> 01:43:55.920
he said, you know, at some point, if they don't receive you, you know, shake the dust of your,

1630
01:43:55.920 --> 01:44:03.680
of their, of their town off of your sandals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1631
01:44:03.680 --> 01:44:08.560
I think that's the boat that I'm in right now. I've can literally count on one hand,

1632
01:44:08.560 --> 01:44:13.040
the number of times that I've spoken to my parents since my mom hung up on me on Christmas morning.

1633
01:44:13.600 --> 01:44:19.600
Oh, so, I mean, it's, it's one of those things where I don't know, I should feel worse than I

1634
01:44:19.600 --> 01:44:23.680
do now. Ashley knows what I went through at the time, but now I'm like, it's been really

1635
01:44:23.680 --> 01:44:30.000
peaceful around here. So yeah, what do you do? I mean, you have to kind of, I was trying to

1636
01:44:30.000 --> 01:44:36.480
shield my girls from the negativity and not let it carry down and it's been really peaceful. So,

1637
01:44:37.280 --> 01:44:40.800
and I feel like there needs to be some kind of reconciliation. And the last few times we spoke,

1638
01:44:40.800 --> 01:44:46.240
there was, but you could tell that they're more guarded. Like they don't know how to

1639
01:44:46.240 --> 01:44:52.720
talk to me. So just don't. So yeah, I don't know. Definitely different.

1640
01:44:54.480 --> 01:44:59.840
I think sometimes when you, when you carry such a spirit of Christ, like

1641
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.000
you do stuff, it's sort of what the demon said to Jesus.

1642
01:45:05.160 --> 01:45:08.400
I think this is when he cast him into the pigs.

1643
01:45:08.400 --> 01:45:09.520
They looked at him and they said,

1644
01:45:09.520 --> 01:45:11.800
what do we have in common with you?

1645
01:45:11.800 --> 01:45:13.040
Like you can't, like don't,

1646
01:45:13.040 --> 01:45:15.360
like we see that we have nothing in common with you,

1647
01:45:15.360 --> 01:45:17.480
but it's not our time to be tortured.

1648
01:45:17.480 --> 01:45:21.000
And he like honored, you know, the time and the season,

1649
01:45:21.000 --> 01:45:24.520
but like when there's nothing in common

1650
01:45:24.520 --> 01:45:26.560
or like the baseline is in commonality,

1651
01:45:26.560 --> 01:45:28.320
then the baseline's not commonality

1652
01:45:28.320 --> 01:45:29.680
and you can't get close.

1653
01:45:29.760 --> 01:45:31.840
And that's painful, that's painful.

1654
01:45:31.840 --> 01:45:34.640
And I think sometimes you have to sort of grieve that

1655
01:45:34.640 --> 01:45:39.640
when it's your birth family or, you know,

1656
01:45:39.760 --> 01:45:40.600
that kind of a thing,

1657
01:45:40.600 --> 01:45:43.040
but then it does leave you with the peace

1658
01:45:43.040 --> 01:45:46.840
of being with people that you have commonality with.

1659
01:45:46.840 --> 01:45:47.680
Oh yeah.

1660
01:45:47.680 --> 01:45:49.640
That seems strange, but I don't know.

1661
01:45:49.640 --> 01:45:53.560
I think there's, I think there's truth in that somewhere.

1662
01:45:53.560 --> 01:45:56.480
And I kind of ate my words with the whole quarantine thing

1663
01:45:56.480 --> 01:45:57.680
because I literally said,

1664
01:45:57.680 --> 01:45:58.920
we're not doing a birthday party.

1665
01:45:58.920 --> 01:45:59.760
We're not doing this.

1666
01:45:59.760 --> 01:46:02.040
And I had this whole list of things we're not doing.

1667
01:46:02.040 --> 01:46:03.120
Well, then we weren't allowed to,

1668
01:46:03.120 --> 01:46:04.880
we were locked down in West Virginia.

1669
01:46:04.880 --> 01:46:06.840
It was like, huh, convenient.

1670
01:46:06.840 --> 01:46:10.320
So now mom's like, oh, as soon as we're out of this,

1671
01:46:10.320 --> 01:46:11.480
we're having a big cookout.

1672
01:46:11.480 --> 01:46:13.400
And the girls were like, do we have to go?

1673
01:46:13.400 --> 01:46:14.360
Can we go fishing?

1674
01:46:14.360 --> 01:46:15.720
I want to go out on the kayaks.

1675
01:46:15.720 --> 01:46:17.320
Do we have to go?

1676
01:46:17.320 --> 01:46:20.120
I'm like, of course, Dan's over here like,

1677
01:46:20.120 --> 01:46:21.320
yeah, we can go fishing.

1678
01:46:22.680 --> 01:46:23.640
So.

1679
01:46:23.640 --> 01:46:24.480
I love it.

1680
01:46:24.480 --> 01:46:26.520
How old were your girls, Steph?

1681
01:46:26.520 --> 01:46:29.560
14, 12, nine, and four.

1682
01:46:29.560 --> 01:46:30.880
Oh my gosh.

1683
01:46:30.880 --> 01:46:33.960
You look like you're 27.

1684
01:46:33.960 --> 01:46:34.800
I'll take that.

1685
01:46:34.800 --> 01:46:35.640
Thank you.

1686
01:46:35.640 --> 01:46:36.480
Yes.

1687
01:46:36.480 --> 01:46:38.040
Did you have children in high school?

1688
01:46:38.040 --> 01:46:39.240
Which I would not condemn you for.

1689
01:46:39.240 --> 01:46:40.240
I'm just like, what?

1690
01:46:42.240 --> 01:46:43.400
I know.

1691
01:46:43.400 --> 01:46:45.200
We were at a small group the other day

1692
01:46:45.200 --> 01:46:47.200
and one of the girls I was getting to know,

1693
01:46:47.200 --> 01:46:48.680
she was like, I have a 12 year old.

1694
01:46:48.680 --> 01:46:52.560
And I was like, did you have her when you were 16?

1695
01:46:52.560 --> 01:46:53.880
Joking.

1696
01:46:53.880 --> 01:46:55.600
Because she looked so young.

1697
01:46:55.600 --> 01:46:58.840
Turns out, yes, she had her when she was 15.

1698
01:47:01.040 --> 01:47:01.880
And I was like,

1699
01:47:01.880 --> 01:47:04.680
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

1700
01:47:04.680 --> 01:47:07.160
I was like, oh, I have just done it now.

1701
01:47:07.160 --> 01:47:08.960
I was like, I am such a jerk.

1702
01:47:08.960 --> 01:47:10.240
I am so sorry.

1703
01:47:10.240 --> 01:47:12.400
I only meant that you look very young.

1704
01:47:12.400 --> 01:47:13.240
I am.

1705
01:47:13.240 --> 01:47:14.200
And she was fine with it.

1706
01:47:14.200 --> 01:47:16.440
I mean, she's like a mature believer.

1707
01:47:16.440 --> 01:47:18.840
She was like, no, I get where you're coming from.

1708
01:47:18.840 --> 01:47:20.680
You don't know my story, you know, whatever.

1709
01:47:20.680 --> 01:47:21.520
But I was like.

1710
01:47:24.000 --> 01:47:24.880
I was teasing Dan.

1711
01:47:24.960 --> 01:47:26.240
I was like, we're having our anniversaries next month.

1712
01:47:26.240 --> 01:47:28.400
And I said, hmm, 19 years.

1713
01:47:28.400 --> 01:47:30.880
I will have been married to you for half my life.

1714
01:47:30.880 --> 01:47:32.000
He's like, wow.

1715
01:47:32.000 --> 01:47:32.840
Yeah.

1716
01:47:33.920 --> 01:47:34.760
That's amazing.

1717
01:47:36.680 --> 01:47:38.200
That's amazing.

1718
01:47:38.200 --> 01:47:40.480
Congratulations, to 19 years.

1719
01:47:40.480 --> 01:47:41.840
That's really special.

1720
01:47:45.200 --> 01:47:46.880
Well, it's good to visit with y'all.

1721
01:47:46.880 --> 01:47:48.680
Good to see y'all.

1722
01:47:48.680 --> 01:47:52.360
So I hope y'all, I hope you get your tassels done, Holly.

1723
01:47:53.280 --> 01:47:55.120
Has it been distracting?

1724
01:47:55.120 --> 01:47:56.320
No, no, I've loved it.

1725
01:47:56.320 --> 01:47:57.160
Not at all.

1726
01:47:57.160 --> 01:47:58.000
I've loved it.

1727
01:47:58.000 --> 01:47:58.840
Yeah, it's great.

1728
01:47:58.840 --> 01:48:02.040
I'm just really curious about like what you do with them.

1729
01:48:02.040 --> 01:48:02.880
That's what I do.

1730
01:48:02.880 --> 01:48:03.720
Yeah, same here.

1731
01:48:03.720 --> 01:48:04.560
Oh yeah, I'll show you.

1732
01:48:04.560 --> 01:48:07.160
Okay, so I had this like great idea

1733
01:48:07.160 --> 01:48:09.960
to sell tassel balloons on my website.

1734
01:48:09.960 --> 01:48:12.960
Cause everything else I do is just like local and custom.

1735
01:48:12.960 --> 01:48:16.640
And, and I mean, I can't really ship anything.

1736
01:48:16.640 --> 01:48:19.920
And so I was like, oh, sell these tassels.

1737
01:48:22.840 --> 01:48:27.720
And then I, and the tassels are a lot of work,

1738
01:48:27.720 --> 01:48:29.840
like legitimately a lot of work.

1739
01:48:29.840 --> 01:48:30.920
I don't know if I can show you.

1740
01:48:30.920 --> 01:48:33.040
Okay, so I did this one last night.

1741
01:48:34.560 --> 01:48:36.680
Do you see the tail of it?

1742
01:48:38.240 --> 01:48:41.440
Okay, so the balloon is like three feet.

1743
01:48:41.440 --> 01:48:44.360
Like it's like huge and I put confetti in it.

1744
01:48:44.360 --> 01:48:47.960
And then, but I have to like fold all these tassels.

1745
01:48:47.960 --> 01:48:50.280
And Frank is downstairs watching TV,

1746
01:48:50.280 --> 01:48:53.080
like folding tassels for me.

1747
01:48:53.080 --> 01:48:55.200
And he is so wonderful,

1748
01:48:55.200 --> 01:48:58.680
but he is like not helpful with my balloon.

1749
01:48:58.680 --> 01:49:01.440
It's like, he's like, why do I have to do anything?

1750
01:49:01.440 --> 01:49:02.280
And I get it.

1751
01:49:02.280 --> 01:49:03.120
Okay, fine.

1752
01:49:03.120 --> 01:49:03.960
But like, sometimes I'm like,

1753
01:49:03.960 --> 01:49:05.680
because I'll be up until two,

1754
01:49:05.680 --> 01:49:07.360
or you could do it with me

1755
01:49:07.360 --> 01:49:10.200
and I'll be up until midnight, please.

1756
01:49:10.200 --> 01:49:12.240
And so, and he really will help me,

1757
01:49:12.240 --> 01:49:17.240
but I got, I just got a text message

1758
01:49:18.240 --> 01:49:19.200
while we were doing this.

1759
01:49:19.200 --> 01:49:21.520
And then Gal was like, we moved our party to the fifth.

1760
01:49:21.520 --> 01:49:22.800
So instead of tomorrow,

1761
01:49:22.800 --> 01:49:26.440
which I literally paid 40 bucks to get these tassels

1762
01:49:26.440 --> 01:49:28.360
in time, because she made a last minute purchase

1763
01:49:28.360 --> 01:49:29.480
on my website.

1764
01:49:29.480 --> 01:49:32.640
She was like, oh, because of the stay at home,

1765
01:49:32.640 --> 01:49:34.800
not the, but North Carolina is still have,

1766
01:49:34.800 --> 01:49:39.000
I mean, we are like in this super lame phase two nonsense,

1767
01:49:39.000 --> 01:49:40.640
which nobody is paying attention to

1768
01:49:40.640 --> 01:49:43.040
unless you're like having a party.

1769
01:49:43.040 --> 01:49:45.520
And you're afraid that your Cold War neighbors

1770
01:49:45.520 --> 01:49:46.520
are gonna snitch on you,

1771
01:49:46.520 --> 01:49:48.480
which is just my opinion of all of this.

1772
01:49:48.600 --> 01:49:49.440
Okay, I'm sorry.

1773
01:49:51.440 --> 01:49:52.280
Sorry.

1774
01:49:52.280 --> 01:49:55.560
And anyway, so they had to change it.

1775
01:49:55.560 --> 01:49:58.520
So now I'm like, oh, I don't have to fold tassels

1776
01:49:58.520 --> 01:50:00.920
for all these months, but she ordered six of them.

1777
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.440
and so you do like a six foot tassel but it's like varying colors and it's

1778
01:50:06.320 --> 01:50:14.320
anyway that's what it is but it looks phenomenal oh yeah um that's cool and i really i charge for

1779
01:50:14.320 --> 01:50:18.480
them because they're a lot of work i really charge for them but people it is so weird to

1780
01:50:18.480 --> 01:50:23.360
me what people will pay for balloons like i would never i would never because i'm such a tightwad

1781
01:50:24.080 --> 01:50:30.880
and um but great sounds like you're doing a really great job with your vision

1782
01:50:32.480 --> 01:50:37.360
i love it thanks girl thank you i always love seeing your pictures that you put

1783
01:50:37.920 --> 01:50:46.400
thank you that's fun anyway thank you so much for um i'm sorry i'm sorry i talk so long i always

1784
01:50:46.400 --> 01:50:51.040
try to be mindful of it and then i just go after it and i'm that is actually one of the shifts

1785
01:50:51.040 --> 01:50:58.080
about my identity that i want to make because i do get um like self-conscience but i can't

1786
01:50:58.080 --> 01:51:02.720
stop talking and telling stories and then when it's over i'm like you're such an idiot you

1787
01:51:02.720 --> 01:51:08.560
talked for 30 minutes there were eight people on that call shut up why are you still talking

1788
01:51:09.840 --> 01:51:16.960
and i'm like no no i think i get nervous and that's my i'm always like yay it's holly

1789
01:51:17.760 --> 01:51:23.040
so yeah everyone likes that when you start talking holly i watch it i watch the screen so

1790
01:51:24.960 --> 01:51:30.320
you guys are so sweet i need some revelation in that because that's what i like i don't have

1791
01:51:30.320 --> 01:51:35.120
anxiety but i will lay in bed and be like why did you tell all of that information

1792
01:51:36.240 --> 01:51:40.400
like i would lay in bed tonight and be like why did you tell them about the first year of your

1793
01:51:40.400 --> 01:51:46.640
marriage and your sister-in-law's in the same call it's too much

1794
01:51:49.440 --> 01:51:52.640
one of those little annoying dogs it's like people people people so

1795
01:51:52.640 --> 01:51:58.080
yeah these are like grown-ups that can relate yeah that's so true

1796
01:51:58.080 --> 01:52:00.960
ashley do you remember carissa k from laturno

1797
01:52:01.680 --> 01:52:14.000
i think so wait no carissa carissa carissa carissa okay uh okay well does she have red curly hair

1798
01:52:14.560 --> 01:52:19.680
no okay well then no i don't remember okay well she had this thing she was a good friend of mine

1799
01:52:19.680 --> 01:52:27.520
and she has this thing where she would be the same way but she like really shares tmi and um

1800
01:52:27.520 --> 01:52:31.760
um and then she would like stab herself and she'd be like too much too soon

1801
01:52:33.600 --> 01:52:38.560
i would like die every time i was like ah it's so funny too much too soon

1802
01:52:41.040 --> 01:52:47.040
that is so cute i need to remember that yeah you know one of the things that i learned

1803
01:52:47.040 --> 01:52:52.720
because i used to be very self-condemning myself about about ways that i was and um things that

1804
01:52:52.720 --> 01:52:58.160
i thought that people didn't enjoy about me and it was only since coming into my identity that i

1805
01:52:58.160 --> 01:53:05.680
realized certain things that were a strength that i that people that i had been around for years

1806
01:53:06.480 --> 01:53:10.480
would get on to me for and tell me to change because they would tell me that i was a burden

1807
01:53:10.480 --> 01:53:15.840
to other people and that's not the word that they would use sometimes you say stuff ashley and i'm

1808
01:53:15.840 --> 01:53:23.120
like who in the he double hockey sticks are you hanging out with three of them and hang out with

1809
01:53:23.120 --> 01:53:30.080
me and step they wouldn't say they wouldn't say that i was a burden i'm saying that what they

1810
01:53:30.080 --> 01:53:35.600
would say is they would um how would i describe it they would uh for one thing they thought that

1811
01:53:35.600 --> 01:53:39.920
i talked in entirely too much detail that i told stories in entirely too much detail in my mind i'm

1812
01:53:39.920 --> 01:53:46.480
going no but that's where the story is that's that's the joy of the story is that colors the

1813
01:53:46.480 --> 01:53:51.520
story otherwise everyone just wants no ashley we just want that one the uh the crayon the black

1814
01:53:51.520 --> 01:53:57.840
and white crayon drawing i'm like you don't you want me to color it and add it like add it and

1815
01:53:57.840 --> 01:54:03.760
make it like and shade it so that you actually see it's 3d and you can enjoy it which is a totally

1816
01:54:03.760 --> 01:54:09.440
different experience and honestly makes the story and the point of the story totally different

1817
01:54:09.440 --> 01:54:15.760
than just like the structure of it but but i mean i was just teased and i was people just

1818
01:54:15.760 --> 01:54:20.400
people would interrupt me in my story and and it would just make me feel unimportant so that was

1819
01:54:20.400 --> 01:54:28.560
one example and there were other examples as well where things that i just felt um uh that i that i

1820
01:54:28.560 --> 01:54:37.520
didn't i came to receive what they were saying as a lie about myself that it was um uh that i would

1821
01:54:37.520 --> 01:54:43.760
that i was a burden that i wasn't enjoyed that i didn't have a contribution that what it was that

1822
01:54:43.760 --> 01:54:49.840
i had to give was not a contribution so the lord has had to actually remove me from a lot of

1823
01:54:49.840 --> 01:54:56.880
situations to get me by himself understand my identity in because understand that everything

1824
01:54:56.880 --> 01:54:59.840
i've been doing to try to please other people and to change my

1825
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.080
health, et cetera, wasn't working.

1826
01:55:02.080 --> 01:55:07.080
So in December of 2018, I totally abandoned that idea

1827
01:55:07.640 --> 01:55:10.040
and jumped both feet into another camp

1828
01:55:10.040 --> 01:55:11.880
because I was desperate enough.

1829
01:55:11.880 --> 01:55:13.760
Desperate enough to live my life a different way

1830
01:55:13.760 --> 01:55:17.680
and totally shut off what everybody else was saying

1831
01:55:17.680 --> 01:55:20.880
and what I had believed and out of desperation,

1832
01:55:20.880 --> 01:55:23.720
choose to believe that life was actually different.

1833
01:55:23.720 --> 01:55:28.720
And in many ways, well, in all ways actually,

1834
01:55:28.720 --> 01:55:31.760
it went down to who I believed God was

1835
01:55:31.760 --> 01:55:34.320
and who I was in relationship to him.

1836
01:55:34.320 --> 01:55:37.920
And so when I did that, I began to see the things

1837
01:55:37.920 --> 01:55:40.240
that I had been told for many decades

1838
01:55:41.120 --> 01:55:43.280
were a problem to other people.

1839
01:55:43.280 --> 01:55:47.960
And so I've now discovered since that those same things

1840
01:55:47.960 --> 01:55:50.280
are a blessing to other people.

1841
01:55:50.280 --> 01:55:53.160
Yeah, like you're calling, hello.

1842
01:55:53.160 --> 01:55:57.720
But the people that I was around were not receiving it

1843
01:55:57.720 --> 01:56:01.840
and so, but they weren't, and that was their choice.

1844
01:56:01.840 --> 01:56:05.720
But other people were right for receiving what it is

1845
01:56:05.720 --> 01:56:09.560
that I had to bring as a valuable contribution.

1846
01:56:09.560 --> 01:56:13.120
And so I, so yeah, I had to switch in

1847
01:56:13.120 --> 01:56:14.400
into all of that as well.

1848
01:56:14.400 --> 01:56:17.360
But my point is that just because you think

1849
01:56:17.360 --> 01:56:20.560
that something is bad, we don't,

1850
01:56:20.560 --> 01:56:22.880
or that other, that is a burden to other people

1851
01:56:22.880 --> 01:56:24.720
and we're trying to be self-critical enough

1852
01:56:24.720 --> 01:56:27.200
so that other people don't call us out on it,

1853
01:56:27.200 --> 01:56:29.240
it was actually that we were around people

1854
01:56:29.240 --> 01:56:31.920
that couldn't receive the value

1855
01:56:31.920 --> 01:56:34.440
and couldn't appreciate the value of what it is

1856
01:56:34.440 --> 01:56:35.920
that we had to bring.

1857
01:56:35.920 --> 01:56:39.480
And we just have to trust ourselves

1858
01:56:39.480 --> 01:56:41.440
and trust what it is that the Lord put in us

1859
01:56:41.440 --> 01:56:45.400
and understand that, that those just are simply people

1860
01:56:45.400 --> 01:56:46.760
that can't receive it.

1861
01:56:46.760 --> 01:56:51.240
It doesn't mean anything about me and about my contribution.

1862
01:56:51.240 --> 01:56:53.600
So you're telling all of these stories, for instance,

1863
01:56:53.600 --> 01:56:56.680
you know, and you never know if you're just being,

1864
01:56:57.200 --> 01:56:58.640
you know, when you're just being led by the Spirit

1865
01:56:58.640 --> 01:57:02.160
and just say things, I have said things in my sessions

1866
01:57:02.160 --> 01:57:04.800
that I thought, oh my word, I think I just said too much.

1867
01:57:04.800 --> 01:57:06.320
I think that some people aren't there

1868
01:57:06.320 --> 01:57:07.360
to be able to receive that,

1869
01:57:07.360 --> 01:57:09.800
or I think that that probably just like dropped a bomb

1870
01:57:09.800 --> 01:57:11.760
and it scared them or whatever.

1871
01:57:11.760 --> 01:57:13.680
And I've just had to let it go

1872
01:57:13.680 --> 01:57:15.440
and just know that you never know

1873
01:57:15.440 --> 01:57:16.840
how God's gonna use something.

1874
01:57:16.840 --> 01:57:19.520
And those are sometimes the things that people pull out

1875
01:57:19.520 --> 01:57:20.640
and they're like, oh my word, Ashley,

1876
01:57:20.640 --> 01:57:22.640
everything changed when you said this.

1877
01:57:22.640 --> 01:57:23.840
Yeah.

1878
01:57:23.840 --> 01:57:24.680
You know?

1879
01:57:24.680 --> 01:57:26.320
So, I mean, the same thing with you, Holly,

1880
01:57:26.840 --> 01:57:30.520
your storytelling, your personality, your character,

1881
01:57:30.520 --> 01:57:32.080
all of that is such a blessing

1882
01:57:32.080 --> 01:57:35.720
and I can just watch other people's faces just light up

1883
01:57:35.720 --> 01:57:37.480
when you're just telling a story

1884
01:57:37.480 --> 01:57:40.360
and you're not even requiring any interaction.

1885
01:57:40.360 --> 01:57:42.960
So just to let you know, it really is a blessing.

1886
01:57:42.960 --> 01:57:44.000
It's a light.

1887
01:57:44.000 --> 01:57:46.800
All of the people that I have invited

1888
01:57:46.800 --> 01:57:48.400
to be part of the Rest Intensive,

1889
01:57:48.400 --> 01:57:51.120
in fact, the people that I continue to do so,

1890
01:57:51.120 --> 01:57:53.560
I vet very carefully to make,

1891
01:57:53.560 --> 01:57:55.520
because I wanna protect this community.

1892
01:57:55.560 --> 01:57:58.400
I wanna protect the environment

1893
01:57:58.400 --> 01:58:00.080
so that we all understand

1894
01:58:00.080 --> 01:58:02.920
that we're safe people to share things with

1895
01:58:02.920 --> 01:58:05.320
and that we're all serious about shifting,

1896
01:58:05.320 --> 01:58:07.360
that we're all serious about,

1897
01:58:07.360 --> 01:58:09.480
in other words, they're all people

1898
01:58:09.480 --> 01:58:11.640
that I'd like to be friends with.

1899
01:58:11.640 --> 01:58:13.080
I'd like to hang around with.

1900
01:58:13.080 --> 01:58:14.440
Either people I'm already friends with

1901
01:58:14.440 --> 01:58:18.760
or people that are new that I'm just being introduced to.

1902
01:58:18.760 --> 01:58:20.360
And I'm like, these people are special.

1903
01:58:20.360 --> 01:58:23.800
I sense things in the spirit to determine whether or not,

1904
01:58:24.800 --> 01:58:28.400
you know, but whether or not we want to have them,

1905
01:58:28.400 --> 01:58:30.360
you know, join us in this journey

1906
01:58:30.360 --> 01:58:33.080
and whether the Lord desires for me to invest in them.

1907
01:58:33.080 --> 01:58:38.080
My point is that each of us has a particular spirit

1908
01:58:40.600 --> 01:58:42.720
that the others need,

1909
01:58:42.720 --> 01:58:44.840
and that is enriching to the others.

1910
01:58:44.840 --> 01:58:48.520
And so we shouldn't think that there's anything

1911
01:58:48.520 --> 01:58:51.640
that any of us needs to be talking about in this group

1912
01:58:51.640 --> 01:58:52.760
that we apologize,

1913
01:58:52.760 --> 01:58:55.440
that we should feel that we have to apologize for.

1914
01:58:55.440 --> 01:58:57.280
It's a gift to everybody else.

1915
01:58:57.280 --> 01:58:58.880
So thank you, Holly.

1916
01:58:58.880 --> 01:58:59.920
That's good.

1917
01:58:59.920 --> 01:59:02.920
Okay, I have one nosy question for you.

1918
01:59:02.920 --> 01:59:03.960
Uh-huh.

1919
01:59:03.960 --> 01:59:08.960
All of these messages that sort of gave you pause

1920
01:59:10.280 --> 01:59:12.960
and made you realize that you needed to jump

1921
01:59:12.960 --> 01:59:14.160
from one camp to another,

1922
01:59:14.160 --> 01:59:16.160
can I just ask, is that your family

1923
01:59:16.160 --> 01:59:17.800
or is that like a church family

1924
01:59:17.800 --> 01:59:20.800
that you've been part of for however long?

1925
01:59:20.800 --> 01:59:23.720
This is not my business, I'm just curious.

1926
01:59:23.720 --> 01:59:25.960
That I needed to jump?

1927
01:59:25.960 --> 01:59:30.960
It was, see, some of it were family members, absolutely.

1928
01:59:32.400 --> 01:59:36.880
And then some were, it was just church or school

1929
01:59:36.880 --> 01:59:39.000
that I, mentality.

1930
01:59:39.000 --> 01:59:43.240
But regardless, everybody that I was around,

1931
01:59:43.240 --> 01:59:46.840
I was around very few people that were actually mean to me.

1932
01:59:46.840 --> 01:59:50.560
Everybody that I was around loved me tremendously.

1933
01:59:51.320 --> 01:59:54.160
But they would say things in their own brokenness

1934
01:59:54.160 --> 01:59:58.080
for seeing life as what it made them feel like

1935
01:59:58.080 --> 02:00:00.200
and what it made them not feel like.

1936
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:05.960
And then projecting that on to me and I see that as a lie about myself

1937
02:00:06.600 --> 02:00:09.600
Yes, and so I take full responsibility

1938
02:00:10.240 --> 02:00:13.360
For it now the things that they said we're not always kind

1939
02:00:13.360 --> 02:00:20.040
And so just because someone loves someone doesn't make it make what they've done a lot or said a loving thing to do

1940
02:00:21.840 --> 02:00:25.640
But I take responsibility for the fact that I need to

1941
02:00:25.880 --> 02:00:31.520
Overcome this because I'm the one who chose to receive it as a lie whether or not I I

1942
02:00:32.440 --> 02:00:40.540
Intentionally did it it was subconscious and but I received it anyway, because I didn't know my identity in order to refute it

1943
02:00:41.040 --> 02:00:48.000
And I just believe that that overpowered it. So yes, some of it is family. Some of it is and as church family some of it

1944
02:00:48.000 --> 02:00:52.080
Is that I received and some some hurt from you know

1945
02:00:52.160 --> 02:00:56.840
The college church that you and I went through a lot of it actually or not a lot of what I'm talking about

1946
02:00:56.920 --> 02:00:59.600
But I actually received some very

1947
02:01:00.360 --> 02:01:06.860
Actually deep wounds that things that I still remember and I asked me that. I'm sorry. I invited you

1948
02:01:07.520 --> 02:01:10.560
Are you kidding? No, it was so but I know I know

1949
02:01:11.280 --> 02:01:13.280
Don't I totally know?

1950
02:01:13.960 --> 02:01:15.960
Yes

1951
02:01:16.960 --> 02:01:23.440
So, so anyway, so that was that was, you know surprising to me within and then other things that like the school that I grew up in

1952
02:01:23.440 --> 02:01:29.920
You know, it just it's just people being people and being broken. Yeah to other people in their brokenness

1953
02:01:29.920 --> 02:01:37.760
And then we choose how we receive it. So in and I just was received it in a in an extremely self-condemning way

1954
02:01:39.360 --> 02:01:41.360
Anyway, yeah

1955
02:01:42.160 --> 02:01:47.720
Well, I'll let y'all go good to visit it's good to visit with you yes, definitely

1956
02:01:48.360 --> 02:01:53.760
I'll talk to y'all later. Y'all. Have a good night. Okay, you too. Bye. Bye Stan. Bye Holly