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I'm going to go ahead and turn it back on.

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Hey there.

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Hey.

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How are you?

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I'm good.

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I finally made it.

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How about you?

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I'm excited I made it because I was so worried.

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I was trying so hard not to be late.

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I'm not.

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Yay.

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Yay me.

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That was the boat I was in.

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Abby came in while I was in the shower.

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Mom, you have 20 minutes.

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I know.

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That's so cute.

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We look fresh.

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Yeah.

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The family effort for me to get here.

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That's so sweet.

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I'm so excited.

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How about you?

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I made it.

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I've been busy.

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Painting the pumpkin orange wall.

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Oh my goodness, yes.

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Nothing will cover it either.

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Really?

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The purple finally covered.

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The gray didn't want to cover.

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It was a glossy orange.

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I'm so excited.

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It will be another shiplap wall.

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I'm sorry.

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It will look good when it's done.

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I was going to say.

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It will be nice.

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This will be more effort.

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Yeah.

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I'm sorry.

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It will be the nicest apartment garage ever.

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I'm so excited.

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Are you still at your friend's house?

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No, I'm at my parent's house.

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I'm in the room I always stay in.

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It was my old room.

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I'm in my old room at my parent's house.

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I'm staying at my friend's house, yes.

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Currently, I'm not there.

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I'm in the garage.

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I'm selling my stuff there as well.

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They live about an hour and a half from where my friend and I live.

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My parents live only about half an hour from where her parents live.

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I'm doing the garage sale the next couple of days.

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I went today so we could organize everything.

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We're going to start the garage sale at seven o'clock tomorrow morning.

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I'm going to get there around six.

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Then we're going to do the garage sale.

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We didn't know when we were going to do it.

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We were going to see how busy it got.

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Then we're going to do it.

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We're going to do it Friday and Saturday.

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Then whatever is left over,

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we're going to donate.

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We're going to donate.

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We're going to donate.

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We're going to donate.

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What we're going to do,

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unless it's something really nice,

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I think there are a few of the things that are nice

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that I'm going to put a price on.

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Everything else,

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I'm going to put a price on.

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We're going to make an offer.

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Just go with that.

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What we originally were going to do,

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we were going to have groups.

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All of this stuff is $3.

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All of this stuff here is $5.

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Then we decided,

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even that was too much work.

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I'm going to make an offer.

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I'm going to make an offer.

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We're going to do what they want.

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We're going to look at everything,

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and figure it out.

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Have them make an offer.

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Love to have them.

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Love to shop at them.

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Love to have them?

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To try a yard sale?

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To put one together.

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By the time we're done with something,

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and pass it through all the girls,

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we have friends,

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with four trash bags of clothes,

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for another little girl.

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We pass them on down through.

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Emma and twins under her.

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We pass them on down through.

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Good.

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That makes it easier for you and you get lots of use out of all of them. I'm sorry. Someone's trying to do the zoom. So I'm just, they, they must be asking you how to get in. So

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Sorry.

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Oh, that's fine.

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But yeah, that's I noticed that when you when you posted something the other day. I was like, oh my word. She went through all for the girls. That's amazing.

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Yes, which it's getting easier Abby's actually outgrown me so she has. Yeah, I'm in between Chloe and Abby. We have our little collection and then

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Passing down through

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Yeah, good.

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Hey, Natalie.

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Hey, so this is like I saw when I was trying to get on and password and

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I know

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For though I had to sign into my zoom

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I thought it was good.

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Your password for the zoom like

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Okay, I would, I was gonna say if ever it asks, if ever it says it requires a password. Well then all we have to do is we just you just like bypass it and I don't remember what you have to do like cancel or you like cross it out or something so

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Apparently, I just had to relog in

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Yeah.

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Okay, well, how have you been

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Catching up with stuff. So how are you

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I'm good. I was just thinking here. I'm like, I feel so tired, all of a sudden, because I'm like finally kind of city. I mean, haven't done anything really the day I went to the pool.

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But I think just now that I'm like sitting in front of the sun. I'm like, I'm really tired, all of a sudden

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What you're you're shiny. Is that aloe

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Yeah, well, they're hydro gels. I don't know if you can see him very good.

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I got off of a self care zoom. And so we were all hydrogel and we had someone do a mindfulness thing. And then there's other different speakers. And so I was like,

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How nice

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You know, that's nice.

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But yeah, they're really nice. They like help with just puffiness and just

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Relaxing and

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So I was like,

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Yeah, man. I've never used him but but as soon as you said the hydro gel things. I was like, I've heard of those

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Yeah, one of the companies. I'm with it. That's where they made them and they're like all natural and stuff. And they're really good. So when they have like I'm gonna go grab mine. I haven't used them in a while.

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Yeah, well, that's great. Yeah, I've never used him. I've used tea bags.

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And another thing that I've used is juniper because I do is I use essential oils and so the juniper and I've never been told that it's like the best thing in the world, but

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I okay very cool secret that nobody told me about essential oil. So it's very weird.

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Personal information, but my I have I had struggled in the past with as very severe. Well, I don't say severe if some people get much, much worse. But with rosacea my nose, my cheeks, you know, the typical places, you know, my chin, the nose cheek and

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And and so as a result, over the years of dealing with that and dealing with that dealing with acne for years it my poor face was so inflamed.

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And there was just so much inflammation is so much water retention that my nose. I'm not kidding. My nose was and probably I think my nose is two thirds of the size that it used to be. It was a whole third bigger than this.

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But, but, you know, as a result of inflammation from all the rosacea over the years, but it was just, it was chronic swelling.

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Where water where it starts retaining water and I discovered that when one time water started coming out of the side of my nose right here like out of the skin water.

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Not I was, I thought, oh, it's clear is that plasma what on earth is that that was water, you could tell by the by the texture and everything that was definitely water.

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And so I thought, oh my word. Why is there water in the skin in my nose and also and I thought, oh my word swelling.

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Oh my goodness. So do you mean that I could because I had noticed my nose getting bigger over the years and I knew it was a result of all of the like skin damage, but I didn't know how to reverse it.

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So I started looking at essential oils to find out what reduces water retention juniper. So I started putting lots of juniper oil on my nose and it has gotten down to a two thirds of the size that it used to be.

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Like, yes. So I told my I told my essential oil friends, my were the ones that sell that sell like Young Living or doTERRA or whatever.

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And I was like, okay, y'all need to know this. This is very important.

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Yeah, but yeah, I have to ask you, what do you use for your skin because your skin is gorgeous. And you said you had acne and stuff. So what took your stuff away foundation is a wonderful thing.

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Makeup is wonderful. But no, seriously, I have reduced a tremendous amount of rosacea and acne. So the very most important thing was a gut cleansing that I did.

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Did through young living. That's what got me started on young living is and I did their whole gut like cleansing regimen and I was so extreme that while some people can can start seeing results within a like maybe like two or three months. I didn't see results for

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At least 12 but I didn't finish for a total of 18 months.

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And so mine was very, very extreme. And that is where all of the rosacea hormonal acne, all of that comes up. It comes from the gut and comes from an imbalance of bacteria in the gut. So I had to deal with that first.

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All of this thing. I was just on the self care thing. There was a woman, the holistic nutritionist person.

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She just talked all about the microbiome and gut health and we're talking about pre and probiotics. And I was like, I was learning so much. I thought was so cool. Yes, it is major and it's it's shocking the amount of

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Of health issues. I think they said that either all or like 95% or something like that of health issues start in the gut.

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Mm hmm. It's just shocking. So anyway, I have noticed a huge difference in me a huge difference in my digestion huge difference in my skin all over, not just that just all over. And anyway, so that that

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Got me that helped clear up a lot of it. And then I've just I put a lot of lavender oil.

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Frankincense because frankincense repairs so frankincense

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I've done the juniper to reduce inflammation like literally all over my face, but especially my nose, but obviously with the rosacea everywhere it was it was all over this my chin was very inflamed and so

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With like it was very puffy and so it I that soon as you out. I got a more defined jawline as a result. And what else have I used frankincense. There was something else that was really big that I used and I used a lot of and but I can't think of what it was.

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You get more

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The frankincense for a while and mix it in with my night cream and then I read

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I haven't bought more in a while.

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Yeah, it's really good. Oh, what was the other one that was a huge difference for my rosacea was and something I'd heard hello christened. It was the human christened that no, no, no, it wasn't. It was

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Cypress Cypress that was it made a big difference. Cypress as well. But I didn't start using that until recently, that means a huge difference. It reduces like blood vessels and all of that. Yeah. And I think it even tightens pores. Anyway, those big ones.

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Hey, Amy, you're going for a walk.

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Okay, I am. I had to take my dog and I just remembered. Sorry, I'm late.

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No, you're fine. You're fine. We're all just talking right now. I didn't even got to any questions or anything, but the good, good segue. Does anyone have any questions or anything they wanted to talk about tonight or any comments they wanted to make

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And

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Know you

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I feel like I have questions and then I should have wrote them down, but I think, well, you saw my takeaway video

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Yes, it was so good.

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Like thinking so much and also just

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Like I feel like I just need to make my decisions that I I don't know if you saw my other comments that I made while I was watching the video that you did on how to make decisions and arrest.

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And I think that's where I'm at. I'm like, so afraid to leave security and comfortable and normalcy.

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And so to like change to something different. And I've always been that person to

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Which I liked how you why you said that because I was always like, I want to make the right decision or the best decision or what God things that you know and you're I liked how you said it's not really like what you decision you make people like overthink that I think it's more how you make it and so

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I'm like, yeah, I feel like I know what I'm supposed to do. And then I'm like, I have resistance, though.

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Yeah, I don't know how to just do it.

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Well, one of the encouraging things to remember in situations like that is, and I think I don't remember if I mentioned this in the video or not.

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Is the fact. Yeah, I don't think I did. But I mentioned it in one of them is the fact that, you know, there were all of those trees in the garden and there was only one that was that was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

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The knowledge of good and evil, but we could eat from anything in the garden, except that one. So in other words, the options of the the good options.

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Are way outnumber the one that requires our own efforts. And so anyway, if the Lord does that. And if the Lord creates the variety that he does.

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Where there's all of these animals that do the opposite things from each other, human beings that do opposite things from each

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other and that look very opposite that act very opposite and all of those

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things are good and our God created all those things then even decisions that we

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would think of would be opposite of each other doesn't it doesn't make one of

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them wrong and one of them right because our God is so much bigger than that it's

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so much variety and so what God wants us to stay what God doesn't want us to do

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is more operate outside of relationship because he wants us to operate within

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relationships so it's more of that as opposed to the actual decision that we

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make now yes there are certain decisions that we make that if we don't make them

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in wisdom and if we don't make them in in maturity of our relationship with him

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then they can actually hurt us and he wants to keep us from things that will

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hurt us so that's why sometimes we ask the Lord for something he's like okay

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well I'll give you that but we can't give that to you right now because you'll

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hurt yourself so it's always for good reasons but it's not at this denial of

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yeah but that's a bad thing well no it's not a bad thing but he doesn't want us

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to do it out of relationship with outside of relationship with him and and

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also if it's even if it is something that he's like oh no yeah we can

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absolutely do that if you want to be a millionaire you can be a millionaire but

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you need to be fathered into how to how to handle and govern millions because

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currently your view of money cannot handle being a millionaire or currently

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your poverty mentality or currently your view of yourself because money and that

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where I'm just using money as an example will and it exaggerates and and

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dramatizes whatever problems that we have so whatever problems that we have

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it makes them look that much bigger when we when we add money to the

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equation so God's like yeah we think that you want this but yet but it's

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actually gonna harm you because right now all of the self-destruction that

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you're doing to yourself and I'm not talking about you I'm just using this as

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an example of like making a decision of like something we could ask God for and

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why he wouldn't give it to us right now because it falls in I know it seems like

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a bunny trail but it is you know in line with me you know making decisions because

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sometimes we wonder well Lord you know it's one of those things that that's

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what the Lord's doing in the background when we think oh well I'm not supposed

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to make that decision and God's like no this is a good thing but just FYI it's

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going to be a process and it's going to be a journey because you can't just jump

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them right into it without destroying yourself and so and hopefully hopefully

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that makes sense and it didn't sound like too much of a and hopefully that

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made sense of how I was trying to connect it but yeah the as far as like

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actually just making a decision from and where yes it is hard where we're just

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like oh my word there's so much risk and I know what I'm doing and I understand

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that this is where my piece is that that oh my word I still have to do it yeah

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that's where it is that we are trusting in his character that and that's where

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piece is that it's proving that our faith is to the extent that we believe

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that that's who he is that he not can do it but that he will do it because it we

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can't we can't we believe God can do everything I mean any one of us can name

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things and we all will say that we believe God can do it none of us

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question that God can do miracles and whatever what we question is that he

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will so our peace follows where it is that we believe he will come through so

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if we don't believe he will come through to a certain extent yet we just need to

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find where it is that we do believe he will come through in other words where

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our piece is that and then go with that decision and so if our piece is at a

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place that makes us normally in normal circumstances feel very uncomfortable

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but we have our peace there in our spirit not in our soul because the in

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our spirit we have peace there it means that we have faith that I know that my

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God will come through in that way my spirit knows that my soul does not

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understand how that's possible but my spirit knows and that's why I have peace

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when I wouldn't have expected to find peace here so if if you have peace there

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then it means that you know God that that is that you're declaring that

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that's who God is and God loves to step out and prove that he is who we

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declared him to be so does that help yeah and when you talk about soul and

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spirit so can you tell me like your definition of the difference between the

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two because I was listening to another thing today and they kept referring to

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their soul meaning and there's there which was their spirit like that was the

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word they're using for spirit so then I hear a difference for you so I'd love to

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know that way I like understand it even better to like once yes okay so there

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there's a more in-depth one that

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That you'll you'll come to later, but I'll give you. So just FYI, so I'll give you the information, but just FYI, if this doesn't answer all of the questions.

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There's much more in depth stuff that should fill in gaps, but you're always welcome to ask me questions on here. I was just letting you know

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To not get discouraged. If I'm like, don't answer like everything that you had thought that you needed. I'm like, oh, trust me, there's plenty to come.

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But, but so there's our spirit was taken. Oh, sorry. What, how far and how many which sessions are you up to, that'll help me know what

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Finished the how to make decisions and rest. So maybe that was four or five

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Okay. Okay. So you've already gone through the one with God.

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Yeah. Okay. So you remember in the one with God, we were take we were like Eve taken out of Adam, we were

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We were taken out of God and therefore we're of the essence of God and all that. Well, that was our spirit.

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The God is uncreated and therefore our spirits are uncreated because it was taken out of him.

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So just like Eve was was made from Adam's rib. She was at his very DNA where Adam looked at her and he said, you are flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. He said, you are me separated

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So it was the same thing, you know, in other words, taken out of me and all that. So it's the same thing for us of spirit was not created. So our spirits were uncreated.

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However, our soul and our body are created. So that's one of the differences between the spirit and the soul. The spirit always agrees with God.

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It always believes God. It is of the new nature. It is the new man. It's never sinned. It's never not agreed with him obeyed him followed him been one with him. It's never

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It's never been separated, but our soul, our soul has so our soul understand and is what can make the decision to offer to feel that it's not being protected and provided for

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And it's afraid of the spirit of its own spirit and it's afraid of God and it's afraid for everything that they stand for, because it believes it's on its own.

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And and this in spirit, its own spirit and God are not coming to help. So it's on its own. It has to do something. It has to provide for and protect itself, which is choosing to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

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And it doesn't mean that God that it doesn't change God's love for us. It doesn't change anything about our spirit either. By the way, we are spirit. We're not soul.

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We're spirit. We have a soul and we're in a body. So they're all unified, but we are spirit. So it doesn't mad. So even if our soul chooses to operate separate from the Lord and like, oh my word, I bet he's not going to come help me.

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I'm abandoned to do this on my own. I'm abandoned to figure it out on my own. I've got to make the right decision.

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Because or else there's going to be these consequences of separation or, you know, separation relationship or disapproval or whatever.

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Soul thinks is is confused because it thinks everything's on it. However, the spirit is who we are. We're not soul. We have a soul, but we are spirit. So God's never displeased with us because our identity is in is in is in spirit so

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It does that answer some of the questions of the distinction between the two that because then I'm so I was reading and James five like I've been reading through that James this month and or this week and

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The end or James chapter five. It really made like an impression on me because I feel like God is trying to teach me more and more about faith and then

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It talks about the power of prayer and then saying, what does it say that

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I think sorry, I was trying to find it.

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I'm basically talking about like if you if anyone is sick or

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If you are praying for these things. And it says, and then this made stood out to me to prayer offered in faith.

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Will he'll he'll the sick and Lord, thank you. Well, and so then I was like, do some and then someone asked, and because I posted that in a group that we're all reading it. So then she asked, well, why

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I think her mom or someone had died, who like it was told that she like they had all been praying and the doctor said, wow, she's a miracle like she's healed and then in 24 hours she died.

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And so like her question was like

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It felt like we had this faith. We've been praying over her. We were told she was well and now she passed away like how

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Why does that happen, or like what and then so then my when you're saying that I was like, well, is it because

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Where we might be praying, but we're almost like not believing fully because our souls likes taking over because of maybe fear doubt and things like that, where if we were completely

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Praying and believing in the Spirit with that faith that he's mentioning in Chapter five, would we be able to, you know, pray over someone and they become healed because of that.

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You know, you have 100% faith in that because you're praying God's going to make this person

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better or, you know, or I was just curious to like what you're like, how you would respond

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to that.

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Yeah.

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So, um, the, um, trying to think of how to, how to start, um, yes.

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So our, it's that we need to believe that God is who he says that he is and that he's

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as loving as he's declared that he is.

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And so therefore God would, would heal.

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Now here's the interesting God would provide our healing.

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So the interesting thing about healing is that healing is never declared in the Bible

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as a, um, as a way by which he teaches us a lesson.

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And it says that God doesn't desire anyone there.

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I don't remember how it phrased it, but based, but it was, I wish I could remember the exact

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phrase that it uses.

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But basically that, that sickness is not of God and God wants everyone to be healed.

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So, and then he also tells us to be the ones to heal.

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We can heal, including non-Christians, non-Christians can heal as well because God has given that

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authority and that power to, to humanity.

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So it's not faith that God, we can pray and ask God, ask for, um, in faith that God, will

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you please heal them?

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But what he's trying to do with us is he's trying to raise that to maturity.

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So he says, no, you heal.

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I've told you to heal.

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I gave you a command to heal.

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If we look throughout the Bible, he commands the disciples to heal.

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He said, go and heal him.

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He didn't say, go and ask the Holy Spirit about it.

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Go and, you know, ask me about it.

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Ask me to do this for you.

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He says, no, you go do it.

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And, um, and even the non-believers, just like in Deuteronomy, how it talked about even

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the non-believers were able to, um, receive land from the Lord and the Lord wouldn't even

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allow the Israelites to touch it.

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It's just like, Hey, look, you can touch other things.

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I've given you other things.

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You're not allowed to touch that one.

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And they, they, um, because I've given it to them, given it to the non-believers.

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Well, the same thing, you know, for this is it's, it's all of our inheritance as sons

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of God.

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It's just that some people, the Christians believe that we are sons of God and the

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non-believers don't yet.

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Um, but it's still a power and authority that, um, he has given us, um, as sons of

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God.

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Um, so, um, you know, those who understand that, that we are that, but I don't mean to

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make the whole subject really hairy by mentioning that, but I just wanted to say

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that God tells us to heal.

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And so, yes, it is faith, but faith is a factor.

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Absolutely.

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But faith is, is faith in the fact that God is who he says that he is, that he has to,

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that we are who he says that we are.

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And then we have the power and the authority to declare someone to be healed and

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expect it to, it to respond to a son of God because it's, it's creation responding to a

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son of God.

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It is a body listening to a son of God.

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Tell it, Hey, look, you need, you need to not in a mean way, but you know, just in

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declaration, Hey, look, this is what I expect of you.

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This is what I need you to do.

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You know, this is who you are.

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You are healed in the spirit.

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So therefore I need you to manifest healing in the body.

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And the body's like, Oh, really?

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Okay.

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Well, I thought we had different instruction because the body receives, it receives

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instruction from the soul.

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And if the soul is not agreeing with the spirit that it's healed, then the soul

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thing, I'm not healed.

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And then the body will manifest that unhealing.

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It will manifest sickness, whatever.

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But so that's what we're talking about.

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You know, in healing, we're talking about manifesting the truth of who it is that we

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are in spirit down into the visible physical realm, including healing.

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Um, and, and that's what healing is.

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It is manifesting into the visible realm.

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What is already true about that person in the realm.

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And that comes from faith, believing that what God said about us is actually true.

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That we are who he says that we are, that we are already healed, that that

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person in spirit is already healed.

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And we, as a son of God are telling the body, Hey, look, you've been receiving

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instruction from their soul that you're sick.

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And I'm overriding that.

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And I'm telling you, no, you're not sick and that you will heal that.

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That's the idea.

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It there's, there's more that we could say about all of that because we've

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learned, we've, we've have a lot of unlearning to do.

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I've had a whole lot of unlearning to do related to healing of things that we,

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that I grew up believing grew up believing, you know, that God used it to teach me a

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lesson, you know, that, Oh, well, we just can't help these things.

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And it's just part of being alive.

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And no, no, absolutely not.

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It is, it is of the devil through and through, and therefore it has,

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it has no place in us.

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So.

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So the praying over people to be healed is something we definitely should do, but it

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also would take like that person believing they can be healed and telling them so, or

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like how would you?

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Someone else's faith is enough.

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Jesus was healing, like for instance, when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, or he

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raised Jairus's daughter from the dead, they're dead.

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There's no faith on their part.

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He also will heal believers, he'll heal unbelievers.

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In fact, the peoples whose faith that he commended the most in the New Testament were the unbelievers.

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It was the Syphoenician woman and the Centurion.

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And he commended them for their faith because they were declaring his character.

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They said, oh, you know, like the Centurion, for example, Jesus said, okay, well, I'll

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go with you and I'll heal your armor boy or something like that.

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And the Centurion said, no, no, no, you don't need to come.

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He said, I am a Centurion.

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I know what authority is and I know that you carry it and all you have to do is declare

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that he's healed and he'll be healed.

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And Jesus turned to the Jews and he was like, I haven't seen faith like this in all of Israel.

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And then so he told the Centurion, hey, that yes, according to your faith, so be it.

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In other words, he was saying, hey, look, you have declared something about me and my

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character and what I would do in the power and the authority that I have.

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And as such, you're right, that is who I am.

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And therefore I will operate according to who you've declared me to be.

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So we can pray for other people and well, sorry, that was a little bit of a side note,

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but back to what you were saying is yes, we don't have to be, they don't have to be believers.

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An unbeliever can pray for another unbeliever and they can be healed.

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And God heals unbelievers, God heals believers, and God also heals people that did not have

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faith.

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Some of the people were dead.

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Other people were, they just didn't have faith, but maybe other people had faith for them.

404
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That kind of a thing.

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So, and then there were even times where people touched Jesus and Jesus wasn't having faith

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specifically for them.

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They were the ones who had the faith.

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Or he commended the woman who touched the hem of his garment and commended her for her

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faith.

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And, but Jesus didn't even know.

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He said, I felt power come out, go out of me.

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He said, who touched me?

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He didn't even know who touched him.

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So it, so it, it can be the person who's being prayed for.

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It can be the person who's doing the praying.

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It doesn't have to, the other person doesn't have to agree.

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Now the thing is that with healing though, when the person is healed, they can continue

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to choose to do and believe according to the old mindset, which will cause the body

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to again, manifest that sickness again, because that's why they got it in the first place.

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And they didn't change.

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They didn't change their belief.

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They're still in that old belief and that old mindset.

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So the body gets back that old instruction.

424
00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:12.960
And so it, they can fall back into sickness.

425
00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:15.040
I've watched it happen.

426
00:33:15.640 --> 00:33:20.920
There was, there was a lady that I was working with and, and I was praying over her and she

427
00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:26.400
was, and she was getting well, she was getting well and she had been well in years and she'd

428
00:33:26.400 --> 00:33:28.600
had lots of people pray for and whatever.

429
00:33:28.600 --> 00:33:34.400
And I was speaking to her spirit and God was teaching me, you know, how to, is taking me

430
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:43.120
through a training, teaching me how to, how to, how faith, sorry, how he had commanded

431
00:33:43.120 --> 00:33:45.920
me to heal and how all of that worked and all of that.

432
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:53.080
So I was, I was applying all of that and went in my, in visiting with her and she was healing

433
00:33:53.080 --> 00:33:54.620
and she did this twice.

434
00:33:54.620 --> 00:33:58.720
She would heal and then she'd revert old habits of unbelief and work.

435
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:02.640
And according to the knowledge of good and evil, and she would revert.

436
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:05.080
And then I, and then I would, and I pray over her again.

437
00:34:05.080 --> 00:34:07.120
And I, and when I say I would pray, I wouldn't pray.

438
00:34:07.120 --> 00:34:08.520
I would declare things over her.

439
00:34:08.520 --> 00:34:11.960
It was like taught, telling her body that it's healed and whatever.

440
00:34:11.960 --> 00:34:13.320
And I was doing this remotely.

441
00:34:13.320 --> 00:34:17.000
I was not in person and she healed and she would heal again.

442
00:34:17.000 --> 00:34:22.480
And then a few weeks later, she began to revert because she would go back to those old mindsets.

443
00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:25.199
And so her body is getting that old information.

444
00:34:25.199 --> 00:34:30.320
We're alone and we have to fight for ourselves as opposed to, as opposed to, oh, we can now

445
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:33.179
rest in who it is that God says that we are.

446
00:34:33.179 --> 00:34:37.360
She still fought those old beliefs that she was who she thought she was this whole, you

447
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:38.360
know?

448
00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:39.860
So anyway, she kept reverting.

449
00:34:39.860 --> 00:34:41.840
So I watched her do that twice.

450
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:42.840
So anyway.

451
00:34:42.840 --> 00:34:43.840
Yeah.

452
00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:50.800
So any of us really could go and pray over people and if we, you know, like you said,

453
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:58.600
we're declaring that over them, but then them consistently like doing the things and believing

454
00:34:58.600 --> 00:35:00.040
the things that they are going to be well.

455
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.000
Yeah.

456
00:35:01.000 --> 00:35:02.000
Right.

457
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:05.440
Like not going back into maybe old habits or things like that, that got them sick in

458
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:06.840
the first place.

459
00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:07.840
Yeah.

460
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:12.800
And, oh, and what, what we're doing is we're commanding and we're declaring that they are

461
00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:20.280
who they are, that they were telling their body who they already are in spirit.

462
00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:21.280
So we're not.

463
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:26.640
So in other words, one of the interesting things about healing is to not say is not

464
00:35:26.640 --> 00:35:34.240
saying, you know, oh, you know, um, may you be healed and, and in other words, talking

465
00:35:34.240 --> 00:35:39.200
to the person and talking to the body as if it's not already, and it's going to gain it.

466
00:35:39.200 --> 00:35:45.960
The thing is, no, we declare that we declare what already is, what already is in spirit.

467
00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:50.560
So we declare that they are healed and that's what it is that we speak.

468
00:35:50.560 --> 00:35:56.440
We don't speak, oh, you know, get healed and heal yourself and do all of this stuff because

469
00:35:57.240 --> 00:36:00.720
that's, that is acknowledging lack.

470
00:36:00.720 --> 00:36:05.360
Remember kind of like talking to the broken person again, it's acknowledging some lack

471
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:08.600
and we don't want to do that because there is no lack.

472
00:36:08.600 --> 00:36:13.120
So what we're doing to the body is we're telling it, no, this is who the spirit, who you are

473
00:36:13.120 --> 00:36:14.120
in spirit.

474
00:36:14.120 --> 00:36:16.040
You now need to manifest that.

475
00:36:16.040 --> 00:36:19.920
We're not saying body, you're not there yet and you need to work on it.

476
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:21.820
No, we say, no, no, no, this is who you are.

477
00:36:21.820 --> 00:36:22.820
This is who you are.

478
00:36:22.820 --> 00:36:23.820
This is who you are.

479
00:36:23.820 --> 00:36:25.760
And body's like, oh, okay.

480
00:36:26.280 --> 00:36:28.960
And it starts to rise just like a person does.

481
00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:32.560
The body will start to do the same thing and it'll start to manifest the healing because

482
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:36.840
it already is healed as a person, as a being, as a spirit, soul, and body.

483
00:36:36.840 --> 00:36:40.040
It already is healed because we are spirit.

484
00:36:40.040 --> 00:36:42.320
We're in a body, but we are spirit.

485
00:36:42.320 --> 00:36:44.680
So therefore we already are healed.

486
00:36:44.680 --> 00:36:48.180
The body's just not manifesting the fact that we already are.

487
00:36:48.180 --> 00:36:51.080
It's acting contrary to its nature.

488
00:36:51.080 --> 00:36:54.760
And so we declare with the body, no, you've got wrong instruction.

489
00:36:54.760 --> 00:36:56.720
You think you're someone different than you are.

490
00:36:56.720 --> 00:36:57.720
This is who you are.

491
00:36:57.720 --> 00:36:58.720
This is who you are.

492
00:36:58.720 --> 00:36:59.720
This is who you are.

493
00:36:59.720 --> 00:37:04.440
And you just, and, um, so that's when I say that we're, when I say we command, we're commanding

494
00:37:04.440 --> 00:37:09.400
sickness to go, but we're telling the body who it is so it can begin to heal itself.

495
00:37:09.400 --> 00:37:10.960
Does that make sense?

496
00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:11.960
Yeah.

497
00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:15.600
You actually brought up praying for someone to be healed it.

498
00:37:15.600 --> 00:37:18.880
We're not asking and petitioning and pleading and begging.

499
00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:19.880
We're entire.

500
00:37:19.880 --> 00:37:20.880
We're Kings.

501
00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:23.780
We're, we're, we're not, we don't need to ask for anything.

502
00:37:23.780 --> 00:37:27.660
We don't even have to ask God if, if can we heal this person?

503
00:37:27.660 --> 00:37:29.860
God said he wants everyone to be healed.

504
00:37:29.860 --> 00:37:34.260
He said, he just sent the disciples out and he's like, oh, heal him though.

505
00:37:34.260 --> 00:37:36.180
And he did that a couple of different times in the Bible.

506
00:37:36.180 --> 00:37:41.420
He did that once when he sent the disciples out and he might've, and he did it, I think

507
00:37:41.420 --> 00:37:42.420
one other time.

508
00:37:42.420 --> 00:37:48.620
So anyway, no, that not actually really makes good sense to me because I was like that brought

509
00:37:48.620 --> 00:37:54.420
up when a time when I was told I had the flu and it was my nephew's first birthday

510
00:37:54.420 --> 00:37:57.660
and everyone was going to be going to my brother's and I didn't want to miss it.

511
00:37:57.660 --> 00:38:02.300
So I like got all the different natural supplements I can think that in double up, I made sure

512
00:38:02.300 --> 00:38:05.420
I slept and I kept telling myself, I remember I'm like, I'm going to go down there, but

513
00:38:05.420 --> 00:38:07.540
if I need to quarantine myself, I will.

514
00:38:07.540 --> 00:38:09.140
And I drove in the whole three hour drive.

515
00:38:09.140 --> 00:38:10.700
I was like, I'm getting bad.

516
00:38:10.700 --> 00:38:13.980
Like, I just kept saying things and I was like, thank you Lord for healing my body.

517
00:38:13.980 --> 00:38:20.540
And I think I broke a sweat that night and like by the next day I was like, and then

518
00:38:20.540 --> 00:38:21.540
I was fine.

519
00:38:21.540 --> 00:38:23.500
The next day I just had a little tingle in my throat.

520
00:38:23.500 --> 00:38:26.740
And so that makes me, that's like the, that popped up.

521
00:38:26.740 --> 00:38:30.940
I was like, that would have been a time then I guess I was like, that was maybe, maybe

522
00:38:30.940 --> 00:38:34.620
not realizing that that's what I was doing, but yeah, no, that's great.

523
00:38:34.620 --> 00:38:40.820
I mean, because you're, you know, if deep down, if we, if what we always call this place,

524
00:38:40.820 --> 00:38:44.300
we always call it the deep down place, deep down.

525
00:38:44.300 --> 00:38:47.660
We know, we know the answer and we know who we are.

526
00:38:47.660 --> 00:38:50.420
We we've gotten to the point where we don't trust it.

527
00:38:50.420 --> 00:38:51.620
And so you trusted it.

528
00:38:51.620 --> 00:38:54.900
You're just like, I've never heard this, but I don't know if you'd ever heard this before,

529
00:38:54.900 --> 00:38:55.900
but I'm making this up.

530
00:38:55.900 --> 00:38:56.900
I never heard this before.

531
00:38:56.900 --> 00:39:01.260
No one's telling me that everyone's telling something different, but this is what I'm

532
00:39:01.260 --> 00:39:02.260
going to do.

533
00:39:02.260 --> 00:39:07.100
And I know I just, I, you chose your reality and you chose it based off of what you read

534
00:39:07.100 --> 00:39:12.820
in the Bible and who it is that you, that, that you know, that the, your spirit inside

535
00:39:12.820 --> 00:39:19.020
that knew the truth and that it was, and so you were doing what is called what the Bible

536
00:39:19.020 --> 00:39:24.960
refers to as working out our salvation, taking something that's deep within and working it

537
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:27.780
out so that it actually manifests.

538
00:39:27.780 --> 00:39:32.940
So the working out of our salvation is the manifesting of things from spirit manifesting

539
00:39:32.940 --> 00:39:39.180
our, our, our salvation, our salvation from our spirit into our soul and into our body.

540
00:39:39.180 --> 00:39:41.380
That's what the working out of our salvation is.

541
00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:47.780
It's, it's making the truth of who it is that we are manifest in, in, on all of the layers.

542
00:39:47.780 --> 00:39:48.780
Yeah.

543
00:39:48.780 --> 00:39:49.780
Okay.

544
00:39:49.780 --> 00:39:50.780
So that's impressive.

545
00:39:50.780 --> 00:39:51.780
That's really impressive.

546
00:39:51.780 --> 00:39:52.780
I can't say that I've done that.

547
00:39:52.780 --> 00:39:53.780
I don't.

548
00:39:53.780 --> 00:39:54.780
Yeah.

549
00:39:54.780 --> 00:39:55.780
I'm like, Ooh, that's biotic time.

550
00:39:55.780 --> 00:39:56.780
So I just need to act in that.

551
00:39:56.780 --> 00:39:59.780
That gives me a good idea.

552
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.520
Of knowing, like, that's what it's like, you know, that's really what was happening. So, so I didn't take over the call. So if you guys have other questions, I will

553
00:40:08.040 --> 00:40:08.720
Know.

554
00:40:09.400 --> 00:40:14.000
Great. That's great. Hey, Carrie. Hey, Holly. How are y'all

555
00:40:15.520 --> 00:40:15.920
Hey.

556
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:19.600
Hey, sorry. I'm so late.

557
00:40:19.800 --> 00:40:20.560
I'm doing good.

558
00:40:21.200 --> 00:40:21.800
No, you're

559
00:40:22.600 --> 00:40:23.240
Finally,

560
00:40:24.200 --> 00:40:25.520
Yeah. How are you feeling

561
00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:29.120
Ah, not the best.

562
00:40:30.720 --> 00:40:34.600
But yeah, it's been a really rough past week.

563
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:44.080
Just honestly, it has been not very good. I mean, not only physically, but just everything. I don't, I still don't think I'm recovered from the whole house thing.

564
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:45.760
I know.

565
00:40:46.960 --> 00:40:47.600
So, yeah.

566
00:40:48.640 --> 00:40:50.600
Just real. I'm still struggling

567
00:40:51.120 --> 00:41:01.120
Yeah, I know. I know it is. It's a journey because we're told to believe that God is who he says he is not told by me or told by

568
00:41:01.560 --> 00:41:10.560
Other people but told by God to believe that he is who he says that he is and that his he is as loving and as good as he declares that he is

569
00:41:11.040 --> 00:41:22.520
But where you look at our situation and we're like, Lord, I'm not seeing it manifest in the way that I would think that your love to that extent would look like on earth.

570
00:41:22.880 --> 00:41:46.240
And so it forces us to. And so there's this this journey of trusting and believing that if God says to these that good news that is that that that good and that loving that we still trust that regardless of whether it does or doesn't manifest in the way that we thought that that love and that good and that goodness would manifest

571
00:41:47.200 --> 00:41:53.200
So yeah, it's the whole thing about promises is the fact that God says, I want you to

572
00:41:53.800 --> 00:42:04.120
I want you to hang your hat and your entire life on the fact that I am as good to you is what I'm declaring to you that I am by giving you this promise.

573
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:17.080
And not focus on the manifest exact manifestation of the promise because there's so many particulars about it that we that he usually, you know, leaves out and

574
00:42:19.600 --> 00:42:21.000
Love will then

575
00:42:21.120 --> 00:42:37.920
And then it will he will eventually see see the promise. Of course, you know, many people like Abraham, Isaac, you know, all of them. They didn't see they didn't see the results of the promise that they got to live in the results of

576
00:42:38.160 --> 00:42:48.600
Their faith that in the promise. So they get to believe to live in a lot of those results. I mean, the, the blessings that God poured out on Abraham were amazing.

577
00:42:49.080 --> 00:43:01.520
And because it was counted to Abraham that what his faith was counted to him as righteousness and he and he got to have that click connection and closeness with the Lord and began and was able to receive

578
00:43:01.520 --> 00:43:12.560
The benefits of that love and that goodness from God, the extent of that love and that goodness from God with that that was embodied in an X.

579
00:43:12.920 --> 00:43:22.000
And how would you say expressed by the bigness of the promise, even though he got so we got to live and all the benefits of that on on on earth.

580
00:43:22.160 --> 00:43:43.440
And the fact that he had faith in that God was that good, even though he didn't get to actually see the results of the promise manifest in his lifetime, but he did get to reap the rewards of having the faith of that promise. So, which was bigger than actually seeing the promise because because it was

581
00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:46.400
With that, it was

582
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:55.920
Because he reaped the rewards of having of having faith in a God that would manifest himself in that much love and that much goodness. That's what I'm trying to say.

583
00:43:57.800 --> 00:43:59.680
Didn't get this exact manifestation

584
00:44:01.520 --> 00:44:02.320
Everything else.

585
00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:05.560
I wish I hope that I explained that well.

586
00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:08.360
In

587
00:44:09.240 --> 00:44:12.400
Yeah, but yeah, I know. I know it's hard. There's

588
00:44:12.520 --> 00:44:19.080
Then they're very, very old, very old promise like many, many years and I haven't seen them.

589
00:44:20.560 --> 00:44:31.760
And to fruition yet, but I'm just like, yeah, but the Lord has and I've gone through this with it. I mean, like major rounds major with them and

590
00:44:31.880 --> 00:44:32.360
But

591
00:44:33.120 --> 00:44:39.440
That I still have. I still have my own promises that that I, I cry out to the Lord for

592
00:44:40.440 --> 00:44:44.620
That thing does haunt me ever since.

593
00:44:45.500 --> 00:44:51.760
Every morning when I wake up in the morning, there is always been that chirpy crack that is

594
00:44:52.700 --> 00:44:56.600
That I looked all night and did not go to sleep in the middle of the night.

595
00:44:57.620 --> 00:44:58.820
I'm maybe even

596
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:09.000
Literally cry, you know, to Lord for and these are all the old promises. So anyway, I do understand. I do understand. So I'm sorry.

597
00:45:00.380 --> 00:45:01.140
For like, you know,

598
00:45:02.340 --> 00:45:02.820
Kind of

599
00:45:11.560 --> 00:45:16.000
Well, I'll look forward to and rejoice seeing it manifest one day.

600
00:45:17.480 --> 00:45:18.080
Your house.

601
00:45:18.080 --> 00:45:25.440
Well, Holly. How have you been, have you been you've been busy. I've you been okay. How's your mom. I'm so sorry.

602
00:45:26.760 --> 00:45:28.080
Let me shut my bedroom door.

603
00:45:29.600 --> 00:45:34.080
945 year and my two year old keeps sneaking out and like you

604
00:45:35.560 --> 00:45:36.080
Sure.

605
00:45:36.080 --> 00:46:00.000
I thought, once he hears my voice. Yeah, you know, and he's one of those that like knows he's cute. Yeah, no. So, thanks for asking about my mom. So my mom is she's not doing well, but we

606
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:10.080
Went to like an after hours clinic with her surgeon last night and my dad and I really were able to advocate for her and he moved her

607
00:46:11.080 --> 00:46:21.920
Surgery to next week. So he's he saw how bad she's doing and said he would his surgery days Thursday. So he said he would have done it today. But of course, there's no time for pre op and

608
00:46:21.920 --> 00:46:31.920
That kind of thing. So he moved it to next Thursday. And I think that really helped her. I think she thought she was just going to have to suffer another like month and a half. So what it is, is she has

609
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:36.520
She needs a hysterectomy. And so it's all

610
00:46:37.840 --> 00:46:48.920
It's just really uncomfortable and painful for her right now. And my mom is just like super sweet and tender, but she's not like a sturdy, you know,

611
00:46:49.040 --> 00:47:10.920
She's just like lovely and small boned, but not the one that you're like, she's a fighter. She'll put you pull through like nobody's gonna say that in her funeral, which is going to be in another 15 to 20 years, but my dad is really nervous for her and stuff because she's just in so much pain. She's just kind of wilting down

612
00:47:10.920 --> 00:47:18.920
Like the laws of the kingdom, the laws of nature, like serving the sons of God and our authority and dominion and and

613
00:47:18.920 --> 00:47:31.920
Stuff like that. So that teaching of yours, Ashley has really served me well over the last few weeks because things have just, I told you all about the second business that we're opening up and that is like at us.

614
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:33.920
And it's a

615
00:47:35.920 --> 00:47:46.920
I'm sorry, Matt brain. I guess I need to drink more water or something, but I'm low on like functioning brain cells at this point, but it's a seasonal thing. It's a seasonal thing. It's a seasonal thing.

616
00:48:16.920 --> 00:48:27.920
And then the stuff with my mom and and the thing is, is that I, I felt this stuff with my mom coming. So when I would pray or intercede, I felt like something was

617
00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:35.920
Starting to come against one of my parents and that it was like serious. It was health wise that they could that one of them could pass away. And so I have been

618
00:48:36.920 --> 00:48:50.920
Interceding on like just sort of what I knew in the spirit since then, but, um, but I didn't really know anything in the spirit. And so then my mom's condition got a whole lot worse. Really, really fast and

619
00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:55.920
I just felt like I had to step in and really advocate for her and

620
00:48:56.920 --> 00:49:02.920
All this like coven nonsense with the schools and stuff. I have felt like the Lord leading me to homeschool

621
00:49:02.920 --> 00:49:17.920
And then we're also buying land and building a house, which is something I swore I would never do with my husband, who is a perfectionist. I'm like, no, no, I don't want to do any projects with you hang pictures. He's so wonderful. He's so

622
00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:31.920
Glad we're married. Like, I was always like, we will buy whatever house you like and live in it. Your standards are so high as long as I can paint it the colors that I want. I don't give a darn, you know, and but

623
00:49:32.920 --> 00:49:41.920
I really low Lord started to work in my heart and I went to him and I was like, I keep doing the Holy Spirit. Tell us to build

624
00:49:42.920 --> 00:49:47.920
And he was like, Oh, good. I wondered how long it was going to take you to hear that. And I was like,

625
00:49:51.920 --> 00:49:58.920
I held out for six more weeks. No, I'm just kidding. So anyway, we're like in the middle of that and it's exactly what I thought it was going to be and

626
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.560
And it's just like, I'm like, Ooh, I love it.

627
00:50:02.560 --> 00:50:03.400
Let's do it.

628
00:50:03.400 --> 00:50:06.520
And he's like, I don't like the side of this yard,

629
00:50:06.520 --> 00:50:08.720
this corner here, I don't like this.

630
00:50:08.720 --> 00:50:11.480
And I'm like, well, then flatten it and plant something new.

631
00:50:11.480 --> 00:50:12.760
Like, what is the problem?

632
00:50:12.760 --> 00:50:15.680
But it's, it is anyway, it has been a whole thing.

633
00:50:15.680 --> 00:50:17.920
And so this on top of my mom's stuff,

634
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:20.640
which has been very concerning.

635
00:50:20.640 --> 00:50:22.360
So two weeks ago,

636
00:50:24.200 --> 00:50:26.120
my six year old learned to ride his bike

637
00:50:26.120 --> 00:50:27.760
without training wheels.

638
00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:30.600
And I don't know if any of you have redheaded children,

639
00:50:30.600 --> 00:50:32.280
but it's a thing.

640
00:50:32.280 --> 00:50:35.400
And he like complained,

641
00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:38.600
he was on his bike complaining the whole time.

642
00:50:38.600 --> 00:50:40.960
He's trying, I like got it all in home video.

643
00:50:40.960 --> 00:50:43.360
And I'm like, I need to delete this

644
00:50:43.360 --> 00:50:45.240
because it's like one of those home videos

645
00:50:45.240 --> 00:50:46.880
you like don't want to relive.

646
00:50:46.880 --> 00:50:49.360
But it was like, why aren't you helping me?

647
00:50:49.360 --> 00:50:50.200
Get away from me.

648
00:50:50.200 --> 00:50:51.440
I need more space.

649
00:50:51.440 --> 00:50:52.520
Don't touch my bike.

650
00:50:52.520 --> 00:50:53.800
Why aren't you holding onto me?

651
00:50:53.800 --> 00:50:55.880
Like, it was like the whole thing.

652
00:50:55.880 --> 00:50:58.280
And I mean, we've been at it for a month,

653
00:50:58.280 --> 00:51:00.400
but he'll only try for like 10 minutes at a time

654
00:51:00.400 --> 00:51:03.760
before he gets so frustrated, he just quits.

655
00:51:03.760 --> 00:51:05.720
And he's always been one of those kids

656
00:51:05.720 --> 00:51:07.200
who's a little bit of a late bloomer,

657
00:51:07.200 --> 00:51:11.480
but once he gets it, it's a solid skill,

658
00:51:11.480 --> 00:51:14.360
but he's like the last one of his friend group to get it.

659
00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:20.280
So I just told him, I explained, he's super smart.

660
00:51:20.280 --> 00:51:22.800
So I explained to him what muscle memory was.

661
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:25.160
I was like, if you want to learn how to ride this bike,

662
00:51:25.160 --> 00:51:28.080
you're gonna have to do it long enough for your brain

663
00:51:28.080 --> 00:51:30.880
to figure out what to tell your muscles to do.

664
00:51:30.880 --> 00:51:33.560
And then he was like, oh, okay, I'll do it.

665
00:51:33.560 --> 00:51:37.640
So the first time he tried for longer than 10 minutes,

666
00:51:37.640 --> 00:51:39.320
he really got it going.

667
00:51:39.320 --> 00:51:42.880
But while I'm the one, you know, with my phone,

668
00:51:42.880 --> 00:51:45.560
holding onto a seat, like helping him do it.

669
00:51:45.560 --> 00:51:50.560
And I felt like the Lord started to talk to me and say,

670
00:51:50.560 --> 00:51:52.840
this is, I want you to see this right now

671
00:51:52.840 --> 00:51:55.200
because this is the level of authority and dominion

672
00:51:55.200 --> 00:51:56.360
that you have in the spirit.

673
00:51:56.360 --> 00:51:57.600
You know how to ride a bike.

674
00:51:57.600 --> 00:51:59.440
You could ride a bike down a mountain.

675
00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:03.800
You could do BMX trick bikes or, you know,

676
00:52:03.800 --> 00:52:06.320
whatever those guys do on their bikes.

677
00:52:06.320 --> 00:52:09.440
Anyway, like you could do that in the spirit,

678
00:52:09.440 --> 00:52:13.320
but you're the kid riding the bike, like, hold on to me.

679
00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:14.360
No, I got it.

680
00:52:14.360 --> 00:52:15.360
Leave me alone.

681
00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:16.680
Give me that, you know?

682
00:52:16.680 --> 00:52:18.440
And the whole time he's doing it,

683
00:52:18.440 --> 00:52:22.000
it's like all this negative self-talk, which kills me.

684
00:52:22.040 --> 00:52:24.280
And he's just like, I can't do it.

685
00:52:24.280 --> 00:52:25.120
I can't do it.

686
00:52:25.120 --> 00:52:25.960
It's too hard.

687
00:52:25.960 --> 00:52:26.800
My bike's too heavy.

688
00:52:28.240 --> 00:52:30.240
You know, when you love your children so much,

689
00:52:30.240 --> 00:52:31.880
you look at their personalities and you're like,

690
00:52:31.880 --> 00:52:33.360
do you want to have a nice life?

691
00:52:33.360 --> 00:52:34.880
You shut your mouth.

692
00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:37.000
Cause you ruin, you just like,

693
00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:39.160
your self-talk is like insane right now,

694
00:52:39.160 --> 00:52:41.640
but he's six and like, okay, okay.

695
00:52:41.640 --> 00:52:46.640
So anyway, but I felt like the Lord was like,

696
00:52:47.080 --> 00:52:50.720
you know that you're not really holding his bike.

697
00:52:50.720 --> 00:52:51.920
You're not balancing it for it.

698
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:53.960
He's doing everything on his own.

699
00:52:53.960 --> 00:52:55.680
You know, he knows how to ride a bike.

700
00:52:55.680 --> 00:53:00.320
If you let go, he wouldn't even notice he's doing it.

701
00:53:00.320 --> 00:53:02.080
And the whole time he's like, I can't do it.

702
00:53:02.080 --> 00:53:03.400
I'm going to fall.

703
00:53:03.400 --> 00:53:04.240
You know?

704
00:53:04.240 --> 00:53:06.040
And you're, I'm like, you're doing it, Will.

705
00:53:06.040 --> 00:53:06.880
You're doing it.

706
00:53:06.880 --> 00:53:08.400
Oh my gosh, look at you.

707
00:53:08.400 --> 00:53:09.600
What a great push off.

708
00:53:09.600 --> 00:53:10.440
Look at you.

709
00:53:10.440 --> 00:53:12.400
You know, and he's like, stop talking to me.

710
00:53:12.400 --> 00:53:13.720
Okay.

711
00:53:13.720 --> 00:53:14.800
We're a dramatic family.

712
00:53:14.800 --> 00:53:17.200
You should see us in the neighborhood.

713
00:53:17.200 --> 00:53:22.200
But I felt like it's a, it is a thing.

714
00:53:22.520 --> 00:53:25.520
So, but I felt like the Lord was like, this is,

715
00:53:25.520 --> 00:53:27.160
I want you to remember this picture

716
00:53:27.160 --> 00:53:30.360
because when you feel like you don't know what to do,

717
00:53:30.360 --> 00:53:33.120
I'm the one standing behind you going, you're doing it.

718
00:53:33.120 --> 00:53:34.600
You're riding a bike.

719
00:53:34.600 --> 00:53:36.360
And if you were confident in it,

720
00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:38.360
you'd be going three times as fast

721
00:53:38.360 --> 00:53:40.160
and spinning around and doing whatever.

722
00:53:40.160 --> 00:53:45.160
And so in that 15 minute span that he got his confidence,

723
00:53:45.960 --> 00:53:48.840
he is zooming up and down the sidewalk,

724
00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:52.120
telling his little brother, get out of my way, I'm coming.

725
00:53:52.120 --> 00:53:56.120
He's like, you know, don't, you know, the whole deal.

726
00:53:56.120 --> 00:53:58.160
And he's just like full of confidence.

727
00:53:58.160 --> 00:54:01.120
And I just still felt the spirit of the Lord like,

728
00:54:01.120 --> 00:54:04.560
this is the same kid as 15 minutes ago,

729
00:54:04.560 --> 00:54:07.280
except now he believes that he can do it.

730
00:54:07.280 --> 00:54:09.680
But the whole time you're standing behind him,

731
00:54:09.680 --> 00:54:12.040
knowing that this is what's coming.

732
00:54:12.040 --> 00:54:13.880
And this is how I want you to see yourself.

733
00:54:13.880 --> 00:54:17.600
I want you to, in whatever skillset, you're like,

734
00:54:17.600 --> 00:54:20.000
oh no, I'm not the girl for this.

735
00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:21.520
I can't do this.

736
00:54:21.520 --> 00:54:22.640
Yes, you can.

737
00:54:22.640 --> 00:54:24.360
And you're already doing it.

738
00:54:24.360 --> 00:54:25.680
You're already riding the bike.

739
00:54:25.680 --> 00:54:26.520
You're already doing it.

740
00:54:26.520 --> 00:54:27.360
It's okay.

741
00:54:27.360 --> 00:54:28.800
So then all this stuff with my mom

742
00:54:28.800 --> 00:54:29.800
and the business and the house.

743
00:54:29.800 --> 00:54:31.880
And I just keep hearing the Lord say,

744
00:54:31.880 --> 00:54:34.280
tell the circumstance what you want it to do.

745
00:54:34.280 --> 00:54:35.920
Tell this what you want it to do.

746
00:54:35.920 --> 00:54:38.280
And then there was this plant dying in the backyard.

747
00:54:38.280 --> 00:54:39.520
And I thought, and the Lord was like,

748
00:54:39.520 --> 00:54:40.880
tell the plant to live.

749
00:54:41.000 --> 00:54:44.040
And I was like, well, probably a plant.

750
00:54:44.040 --> 00:54:45.960
But then I was like, no, I need to practice.

751
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:46.800
No, but I-

752
00:54:46.800 --> 00:54:48.120
You need to practice.

753
00:54:48.120 --> 00:54:48.960
Absolutely.

754
00:54:48.960 --> 00:54:52.000
And I'm like, I don't even like that thing.

755
00:54:52.000 --> 00:54:52.840
Yeah.

756
00:54:52.840 --> 00:54:54.280
You're like, I don't even like that thing anyway.

757
00:54:54.280 --> 00:54:55.120
Oh wait, no.

758
00:54:55.120 --> 00:54:56.480
This is a skillset I'm trying to learn.

759
00:54:56.480 --> 00:54:57.320
Sorry, God.

760
00:54:57.320 --> 00:54:58.160
Okay, so all this stuff,

761
00:54:58.160 --> 00:54:59.800
I just felt like the Lord was like,

762
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.240
take dominion, you need to take dominion. And I'm like, and so I

763
00:55:04.240 --> 00:55:06.840
just kept telling myself, like, I'm the kid on the back, I'm the

764
00:55:06.840 --> 00:55:10.000
kid on the back, I can do I am doing it. I am doing it. I am

765
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:14.960
taking dominion. I am walking in authority. And I think I'm, I'm

766
00:55:15.400 --> 00:55:19.920
anyway, but with my mom's stuff, it was like, it was insane

767
00:55:19.920 --> 00:55:24.640
opposition. I had I like, I kind of, I mean, keep this under your

768
00:55:24.640 --> 00:55:28.440
hats. But I basically illegally got her doctor to copy all of

769
00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:30.720
her transcripts so I could give them to another doctor and get

770
00:55:30.720 --> 00:55:33.680
her out of that doctor's office. And like down the street to

771
00:55:33.680 --> 00:55:36.320
another doctor, but it was just like this whole thing. And I had

772
00:55:36.320 --> 00:55:40.440
to go toe to toe with this woman. And like, you know, use

773
00:55:40.440 --> 00:55:44.080
my tough voice and be disrespectful and be like, give

774
00:55:44.080 --> 00:55:48.480
it now go make the copies do it now. And she was really rough on

775
00:55:48.480 --> 00:55:52.600
my mom and not understanding like how weak my mom is like

776
00:55:52.600 --> 00:55:56.840
sleeping all day long, right now. And she was like, well, I

777
00:55:56.840 --> 00:56:01.280
really want you to keep your you know, your appointment and

778
00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:05.640
then my mom's like, okay, I will because she's so sweet. And I'm

779
00:56:05.640 --> 00:56:09.880
like in the background like, Oh, no, you're not gonna count, you

780
00:56:09.880 --> 00:56:12.880
know. So anyway, it's just been like that. So I had to go toe to

781
00:56:12.880 --> 00:56:16.400
toe with this doctor in front of my children, which was

782
00:56:16.400 --> 00:56:18.920
unpleasant. And I'm very proud of myself because I didn't swear

783
00:56:18.920 --> 00:56:26.480
out loud. I'm just kidding. But it was just like a rut. It's

784
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:29.760
just been a rough thing. And, and because it's my mom's health

785
00:56:29.760 --> 00:56:34.840
and her life, I feel like what if I force her way into a

786
00:56:34.840 --> 00:56:38.640
surgery? Or what if I force this or force that, and it's not

787
00:56:38.640 --> 00:56:41.560
dominion, and now I'm just forcing things. And so I've had

788
00:56:41.560 --> 00:56:45.200
this like, huge internal struggle, because I'm strong

789
00:56:45.200 --> 00:56:48.480
willed and strong natured anyway. And so it's like, I only

790
00:56:48.480 --> 00:56:52.080
want to do what you're telling me to do, Lord, and this is my

791
00:56:52.080 --> 00:56:54.240
mom's health. And you know how you like have people come to

792
00:56:54.240 --> 00:56:57.440
church and they like stand up and testify, and whatever. And

793
00:56:57.440 --> 00:57:00.080
they're like, well, if my brother wouldn't have died, then

794
00:57:00.080 --> 00:57:04.080
I never would have learned. Okay, that is always total

795
00:57:04.120 --> 00:57:07.200
bullcrap to me. Like, I'm like, Oh, good. So your brother's

796
00:57:07.200 --> 00:57:10.600
dead. But the Lord taught you something. Good job, Jesus. Like

797
00:57:10.600 --> 00:57:14.920
I can't I like my spirit is just like never settled in that kind

798
00:57:14.920 --> 00:57:18.640
of a thing. And so here I am. And I have girlfriends that

799
00:57:18.640 --> 00:57:22.480
I've been in ministry with like young moms who are dead from

800
00:57:22.480 --> 00:57:25.560
cancer that believed God for it. Like I have looked at this

801
00:57:25.560 --> 00:57:31.440
stuff in the face before, and, and really wrestled with like

802
00:57:31.480 --> 00:57:35.440
healing and the will of God and your dominion and what you

803
00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:38.320
decided and like the wounds that you get in your soul and how

804
00:57:38.320 --> 00:57:41.640
they destroy your body and how much reverse can you really do

805
00:57:41.640 --> 00:57:44.800
to that? And like, and there's this doubt, you know, like go

806
00:57:44.800 --> 00:57:49.480
through the gamut of like, not and and yeah, trying to find a

807
00:57:49.480 --> 00:57:52.440
formula for heat for healing and knowing that it's not a formula

808
00:57:52.440 --> 00:57:55.240
for healing. And I know I'm rambling and I'll stop but it's

809
00:57:55.240 --> 00:57:59.560
like all this stuff, but now it's my mom, right? And I'm like,

810
00:57:59.640 --> 00:58:04.280
crying every day. Like, I don't want to force this. I don't want

811
00:58:04.280 --> 00:58:07.040
to do this. I don't want to do that. It's her life. She has the

812
00:58:07.040 --> 00:58:09.720
ultimate authority. She has the ultimate dominion. But I really

813
00:58:09.720 --> 00:58:13.720
feel like you have led me into advocate for her and to stand up

814
00:58:13.720 --> 00:58:16.440
for her and push her in a direction. And my dad's like, go

815
00:58:16.440 --> 00:58:21.640
girl go because he it's all real, you know, delicate female

816
00:58:21.640 --> 00:58:27.400
stuff. And my dad is wonderful and tenderhearted, but macho and

817
00:58:27.400 --> 00:58:31.040
like not going to talk to anybody about his wife's. And

818
00:58:31.040 --> 00:58:34.240
like, it's not happening. Right. So it's just like this whole

819
00:58:34.600 --> 00:58:38.360
weird. Okay. And so I'm just trying to like fight through

820
00:58:38.360 --> 00:58:42.960
that. And then there's, and it's in the middle of COVID. So you

821
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:45.920
like you can't get into a doctor's office. You can't get

822
00:58:45.920 --> 00:58:49.120
out on a surgeon's list. You can't do any of that. Like, you

823
00:58:49.120 --> 00:58:52.680
know, you really have to like push, push, push and, and just

824
00:58:52.680 --> 00:58:56.240
trying to be led by my piece and just like, I don't know, I don't

825
00:58:56.240 --> 00:59:00.520
know. So I'm just like, filtering all of that and, and

826
00:59:00.520 --> 00:59:06.440
not trying to work or push but listen and take dominion. But I

827
00:59:06.440 --> 00:59:09.360
don't know. It's just hopefully you can just hear what I'm

828
00:59:09.360 --> 00:59:12.200
saying. Like I'm trying to discern where the spirit is

829
00:59:12.200 --> 00:59:15.520
going, and where he's going strongly and swiftly and not mix

830
00:59:15.520 --> 00:59:20.360
it up with my personality that would, especially because it's

831
00:59:20.360 --> 00:59:25.160
my mom, who would just bulldoze down things to get her what she

832
00:59:25.160 --> 00:59:32.440
needed. And so yeah, it's just like the middle of that and

833
00:59:35.320 --> 00:59:38.480
yeah, that out and walking it through and seeing some things

834
00:59:38.480 --> 00:59:42.200
manifest really quickly and not seeing others and

835
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:46.840
mm hmm. Yeah, well, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful

836
00:59:46.840 --> 00:59:51.160
job. I mean, that's what I mean to use very old mindset phrase.

837
00:59:52.280 --> 00:59:58.440
Because you're God fathers us into these things, right? So our

838
00:59:58.440 --> 00:59:59.720
spirit knows how to do it.

839
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.320
but our soul then has to actually do it.

840
01:00:02.320 --> 01:00:04.440
You know, our soul then has to manifest and sort of like,

841
01:00:04.440 --> 01:00:06.080
so how do I do this again?

842
01:00:06.080 --> 01:00:08.160
You know, it, cause it's never done it.

843
01:00:08.160 --> 01:00:09.760
So our spirit has done it.

844
01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:11.720
Our soul has not done it.

845
01:00:11.720 --> 01:00:13.920
So before we're like, I don't know what I'm doing.

846
01:00:13.920 --> 01:00:15.800
Like, how do you, how do you actually do this?

847
01:00:15.800 --> 01:00:17.880
And how do you, and the Lord knows that.

848
01:00:17.880 --> 01:00:19.760
He knows that we've never done it before

849
01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:20.760
and he has grace for us.

850
01:00:20.760 --> 01:00:23.520
So it's not like, oh my word, I messed up.

851
01:00:23.520 --> 01:00:24.920
And God's like, no, you're, you're,

852
01:00:24.920 --> 01:00:26.320
you're trying to figure it out.

853
01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:28.480
You're like a child who's,

854
01:00:30.920 --> 01:00:34.920
who's, who's kind of like playing around with this situation

855
01:00:34.920 --> 01:00:36.640
and not, not meaning to be,

856
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:38.360
I'm not being disrespectful about it.

857
01:00:38.360 --> 01:00:39.640
Any collisions that we're in.

858
01:00:39.640 --> 01:00:41.240
I'm just saying, you know, we're, we're just,

859
01:00:41.240 --> 01:00:42.640
we're not trying to play.

860
01:00:42.640 --> 01:00:43.880
We're trying to do the right thing.

861
01:00:43.880 --> 01:00:45.440
And so we're like, we're, we're, we're testing.

862
01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:46.880
Well, is it, is it kind of like this?

863
01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:47.920
Okay, maybe not.

864
01:00:47.920 --> 01:00:49.360
What, what about this?

865
01:00:49.360 --> 01:00:51.440
As opposed to just sitting back and being fearful

866
01:00:51.440 --> 01:00:52.920
and then nothing's happening.

867
01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:53.800
No, we're, we're trying,

868
01:00:53.800 --> 01:00:56.240
and God provides us this safe environment in which to do it.

869
01:00:56.240 --> 01:00:59.600
God is still sovereign, meaning like he's going to,

870
01:00:59.640 --> 01:01:02.200
he's going to be the one to provide us a safe environment

871
01:01:02.200 --> 01:01:06.480
in which to do things without us like messing things up

872
01:01:06.480 --> 01:01:10.160
because we are, we're in the will of the father.

873
01:01:10.160 --> 01:01:11.720
You know, we're in, if, you know,

874
01:01:11.720 --> 01:01:15.400
it's important for us to not operate according, you know,

875
01:01:15.400 --> 01:01:17.400
trying to do everything on our own,

876
01:01:17.400 --> 01:01:19.080
but rather, you know,

877
01:01:19.080 --> 01:01:22.800
trying to do everything in, in relationship with the Lord.

878
01:01:22.800 --> 01:01:25.920
And, and when we are, he knows our heart.

879
01:01:25.920 --> 01:01:28.200
He knows that we're trying to sense his heart

880
01:01:28.200 --> 01:01:30.800
and that we're trying to operate according to his will

881
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:33.880
and where his decision and my decision

882
01:01:33.880 --> 01:01:36.920
are coexisting and collaborating.

883
01:01:36.920 --> 01:01:40.000
And, and it's not going to be, it's a dance.

884
01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:43.160
It's not a, we're not walking a straight line.

885
01:01:43.160 --> 01:01:45.440
We're dancing and we're trying to figure it out.

886
01:01:45.440 --> 01:01:48.000
And he's providing us a safe environment in which to learn

887
01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:50.800
without totally destroying ourselves and others.

888
01:01:50.800 --> 01:01:51.640
Yeah.

889
01:01:51.640 --> 01:01:53.800
And I think that's where I've really had to struggle

890
01:01:53.800 --> 01:01:56.760
with him the last week about like trust issues

891
01:01:56.760 --> 01:01:58.360
because I can list on my hands,

892
01:01:58.360 --> 01:02:01.720
the people that trusted God for healing and are dead.

893
01:02:01.720 --> 01:02:02.560
Right.

894
01:02:02.560 --> 01:02:06.400
And, and then you hear like their husbands,

895
01:02:06.400 --> 01:02:08.040
or, you know, you hear people say like,

896
01:02:08.040 --> 01:02:09.640
but we never would have learned this

897
01:02:09.640 --> 01:02:10.880
if they wouldn't have died.

898
01:02:10.880 --> 01:02:12.320
And I'm like going to the Lord,

899
01:02:12.320 --> 01:02:16.840
like, I don't want to learn anything from my mom dying.

900
01:02:16.840 --> 01:02:19.360
And if this turns out to be like,

901
01:02:19.360 --> 01:02:21.400
but Holly on the other side of this,

902
01:02:21.400 --> 01:02:22.920
I have a big revelation for you.

903
01:02:22.920 --> 01:02:25.720
I'm going to be so, I mean, just in my soul,

904
01:02:25.720 --> 01:02:27.200
like spilling this out to him,

905
01:02:27.200 --> 01:02:30.440
I'm going to be so mad at you if you take my mom.

906
01:02:30.440 --> 01:02:31.280
And I don't even,

907
01:02:31.280 --> 01:02:33.720
I actually don't even believe that take my mom,

908
01:02:33.720 --> 01:02:34.920
like take somebody's life.

909
01:02:34.920 --> 01:02:37.160
That's not what I, that's not how I think he works.

910
01:02:37.160 --> 01:02:41.120
I'm going to be so mad if this is for me to learn

911
01:02:41.120 --> 01:02:43.280
some massive revelation,

912
01:02:43.280 --> 01:02:45.360
but my mom dies in the middle of it.

913
01:02:45.360 --> 01:02:47.320
No, I will not have it.

914
01:02:47.320 --> 01:02:49.840
I want her to live in full health

915
01:02:49.840 --> 01:02:52.120
and I want the full revelation

916
01:02:52.120 --> 01:02:53.800
and I want peace for everyone.

917
01:02:53.800 --> 01:02:55.360
And I want everything paid for.

918
01:02:56.040 --> 01:02:59.680
It's like, no, I come with a full Christmas list here

919
01:02:59.680 --> 01:03:02.920
and I will not back off of it.

920
01:03:02.920 --> 01:03:06.120
But I'm nervous that in my soul,

921
01:03:06.120 --> 01:03:07.680
you know what I'm saying?

922
01:03:07.680 --> 01:03:10.040
I'm scared that what I have seen manifest

923
01:03:10.040 --> 01:03:11.920
in other people's lives,

924
01:03:11.920 --> 01:03:14.120
that I feel like, not judgment,

925
01:03:14.120 --> 01:03:16.200
but you look at their lives and their circumstance

926
01:03:16.200 --> 01:03:19.240
and you think, I wonder if that one thing

927
01:03:19.240 --> 01:03:20.640
would have been tweaked,

928
01:03:20.640 --> 01:03:24.280
if it would have been like the source of life

929
01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:26.880
that they needed to bring that aliveness

930
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:28.520
or the hue, you know what I'm saying?

931
01:03:28.520 --> 01:03:30.680
And do you know, are you guys nodding?

932
01:03:30.680 --> 01:03:31.520
Like, do you know what I'm saying?

933
01:03:31.520 --> 01:03:34.040
Like you look, okay, okay, thank you, I'm sorry.

934
01:03:34.040 --> 01:03:36.440
Not in judgment, but just in,

935
01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:39.320
because I want the deep things of God.

936
01:03:39.320 --> 01:03:43.160
So I like look at everything and try to discern it.

937
01:03:43.160 --> 01:03:45.960
And, but then when it's like, you know,

938
01:03:45.960 --> 01:03:49.320
it's your loved ones, I'm like, listen here,

939
01:03:49.320 --> 01:03:51.120
I will not be the story.

940
01:03:51.160 --> 01:03:52.000
Yeah.

941
01:03:52.000 --> 01:03:55.000
But I also didn't think that they would be the story

942
01:03:55.000 --> 01:03:56.760
and I didn't think that they would be the story.

943
01:03:56.760 --> 01:04:01.640
And I don't know that I trust you enough, God,

944
01:04:01.640 --> 01:04:05.680
to think that I can learn

945
01:04:05.680 --> 01:04:08.800
and have the benefit of my mom living a long time

946
01:04:08.800 --> 01:04:10.200
or this happening or that happening.

947
01:04:10.200 --> 01:04:13.120
Like it feels like,

948
01:04:13.120 --> 01:04:16.360
it feels like there has to be tragedy and suffering

949
01:04:16.360 --> 01:04:18.160
for any kind of big revelation.

950
01:04:18.160 --> 01:04:21.560
And then you hear that a lot in growing up in churches

951
01:04:21.560 --> 01:04:22.720
where it's like,

952
01:04:25.720 --> 01:04:27.240
I'm trying to think, but you know,

953
01:04:27.240 --> 01:04:29.760
you hear like these big pastors come and they say this stuff

954
01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:32.040
and even though that never sat well with me

955
01:04:32.040 --> 01:04:33.320
and I don't believe it,

956
01:04:33.320 --> 01:04:35.400
now that I'm like looking down the barrel of it,

957
01:04:35.400 --> 01:04:38.920
I'm like, this got into me.

958
01:04:38.920 --> 01:04:43.080
And now I have to deal with this fear that

959
01:04:45.320 --> 01:04:46.600
to have a lot of God,

960
01:04:46.600 --> 01:04:49.160
you have to give up everything you really love.

961
01:04:49.160 --> 01:04:53.480
And then I'm like, well, I don't wanna do that.

962
01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:54.880
But I want a lot of God.

963
01:04:54.880 --> 01:04:56.160
I want both.

964
01:04:56.160 --> 01:04:58.360
Shoot, I don't know anybody that has that.

965
01:04:58.360 --> 01:04:59.440
You know, so.

966
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.320
And maybe I do, and I can't think of them right now, but, so anyway, those are the depths

967
01:05:05.320 --> 01:05:06.320
of my soul.

968
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:10.040
And I'm sorry that I just threw them all at you.

969
01:05:10.040 --> 01:05:11.040
That's all good.

970
01:05:11.040 --> 01:05:12.040
Yeah.

971
01:05:12.040 --> 01:05:13.040
And you're right.

972
01:05:13.040 --> 01:05:17.280
Um, we don't have to learn, God does not mature us through pain.

973
01:05:17.280 --> 01:05:18.280
Yeah.

974
01:05:18.280 --> 01:05:19.280
God uses pain.

975
01:05:19.280 --> 01:05:24.640
I don't know anybody that says that, except for people that walk in, in the amount of

976
01:05:24.640 --> 01:05:29.200
grace and that pursue grace and rest the way that we do.

977
01:05:29.200 --> 01:05:30.480
Like nobody else said that.

978
01:05:30.480 --> 01:05:35.960
And everybody has proof positive for how God matures in pain and that's how they all comfort

979
01:05:35.960 --> 01:05:36.960
one another.

980
01:05:36.960 --> 01:05:44.280
Well, you're going to, you're going to see whatever you look for and also they are applying,

981
01:05:44.280 --> 01:05:48.240
they are appealing to laws that do exist.

982
01:05:48.240 --> 01:05:51.960
So for one thing, God is a very good God and he says that he works everything out for the

983
01:05:51.960 --> 01:05:53.440
good of those who love him.

984
01:05:53.440 --> 01:05:58.560
So there's all kinds of things that we learn as a result of quote unquote bad things that

985
01:05:58.920 --> 01:05:59.920
happen.

986
01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:01.920
You know, in other words, things that happened that were like, well, you know, I really wish

987
01:06:01.920 --> 01:06:05.960
that it hadn't happened, you know, somebody's death or, or, or something else.

988
01:06:05.960 --> 01:06:10.840
And, uh, and so obviously God in his graciousness is going to say, well, guess, but guess what?

989
01:06:10.840 --> 01:06:16.760
I'm going to use this, but he doesn't create bad situations in order for us to go through

990
01:06:16.760 --> 01:06:19.000
pain so that we will learn.

991
01:06:19.000 --> 01:06:27.720
In fact, um, in fact, what there is, there's a time where, um, uh, that, that is a last

992
01:06:27.720 --> 01:06:31.320
ditch last ditch effort.

993
01:06:31.320 --> 01:06:38.680
Um, when a, like say for instance, if someone has, has, uh, hurt someone or done something

994
01:06:38.680 --> 01:06:45.080
or whatever, and someone confronts them about it and they, they don't, they, uh, don't repent,

995
01:06:45.080 --> 01:06:47.720
then they're supposed to bring another witness and they still don't repent, then they're

996
01:06:47.720 --> 01:06:49.880
supposed to bring another witness, still don't repent.

997
01:06:49.880 --> 01:06:51.680
And then they bring the elders or the whole church.

998
01:06:51.680 --> 01:06:57.440
And if they still don't repent, then God says, turn them over to Satan just for the salvation

999
01:06:57.440 --> 01:06:58.680
of their soul.

1000
01:06:58.680 --> 01:07:00.160
But why?

1001
01:07:00.160 --> 01:07:04.080
Because he's like, okay, look, I, the kindness of God leads to repentance.

1002
01:07:04.080 --> 01:07:09.880
In other words, in repentance is just a turning and a repentance and repentance is, is maturity

1003
01:07:09.880 --> 01:07:11.800
because we used to do it this way.

1004
01:07:11.800 --> 01:07:13.280
And now God's telling me to do it this way.

1005
01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:14.560
So I'm going to do it this way.

1006
01:07:14.560 --> 01:07:18.320
It's not that we were doing evil and now God's telling us to do good.

1007
01:07:18.320 --> 01:07:22.600
It's like, no, God even tells us to repent when he pulls in, when he brings us from one

1008
01:07:22.600 --> 01:07:27.640
season into another, he says, repent of the old season and move into that.

1009
01:07:27.640 --> 01:07:33.640
I walked into the new season that I'm walking into you now repent from that one in order

1010
01:07:33.640 --> 01:07:34.640
to move into this one.

1011
01:07:34.640 --> 01:07:38.760
God does not move us into bad things and tells us to repent of something wrong.

1012
01:07:38.760 --> 01:07:40.440
The repent is simply it's changed.

1013
01:07:40.440 --> 01:07:44.740
So in other words, it's a, it's a leaving of one thing and moving into another.

1014
01:07:44.740 --> 01:07:49.080
So that's what I mean by repentance is, is the kindness of God that leads to repentance

1015
01:07:49.080 --> 01:07:56.200
is the kindness of God that leads to the maturation of sons, not the pain.

1016
01:07:56.200 --> 01:08:01.840
But if a person's refusing their good father, who has come to them at least three times,

1017
01:08:01.840 --> 01:08:06.080
at least the single person in a one, two to three witnesses, and then the whole church

1018
01:08:06.080 --> 01:08:12.480
at least three times, then, and if they still won't accept it, then God's like, okay, fine.

1019
01:08:12.480 --> 01:08:18.120
If they won't accept my kindness, maybe they'll, maybe they will be pushed towards me by the

1020
01:08:18.120 --> 01:08:24.399
amount of pain that they'll experience if they don't have me because the cut, my kindness

1021
01:08:24.399 --> 01:08:25.800
didn't draw them.

1022
01:08:25.800 --> 01:08:30.760
Let's see if escape from pain will finally draw them to me, but it's always, it's always

1023
01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:31.760
been kindness.

1024
01:08:31.760 --> 01:08:39.359
The whole point is God does not use, does, does not use pain and suffering and sickness

1025
01:08:39.359 --> 01:08:41.359
in order to teach us lessons.

1026
01:08:41.359 --> 01:08:48.020
It's the devil and, and, and, and we don't have to, we don't have to agree with it.

1027
01:08:48.020 --> 01:08:51.359
We are already healed and we just have to manifest it.

1028
01:08:51.359 --> 01:08:56.439
We just have to learn in what areas that we're not believing that he is, or that he's as

1029
01:08:56.439 --> 01:09:00.800
good as he says that he is, or that we're are who he says that he is, that we have the

1030
01:09:00.800 --> 01:09:04.880
power and the authority that we are already healed because we all doubt that we're already

1031
01:09:04.880 --> 01:09:05.880
healed.

1032
01:09:05.880 --> 01:09:06.880
I've got it.

1033
01:09:06.880 --> 01:09:10.960
We've all got illnesses, but the reason why we continue to do is we don't believe that

1034
01:09:10.960 --> 01:09:12.479
we're healed in those areas.

1035
01:09:12.479 --> 01:09:17.800
And so, and so we're, our bodies are manifesting what we're telling it and whether we're aware

1036
01:09:17.800 --> 01:09:19.399
of it or not.

1037
01:09:19.399 --> 01:09:23.120
And so God is just constantly moving us into, into a place where we can learn it.

1038
01:09:23.120 --> 01:09:24.120
But you're right.

1039
01:09:24.120 --> 01:09:33.120
It's, it's, um, I grew, I believed most of my life that, uh, that as that, that the only

1040
01:09:33.120 --> 01:09:37.359
way that I could please God was to miss to spiritually mature.

1041
01:09:37.359 --> 01:09:40.399
And the only way that I could spiritually mature was through pain.

1042
01:09:40.399 --> 01:09:46.840
So I looked for the hardest path in life and all my life.

1043
01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:51.479
So I thought the harder that life is, the closer to God, you know, they say the higher

1044
01:09:51.479 --> 01:09:53.000
the hair, the closer to God.

1045
01:09:53.000 --> 01:09:54.000
Yeah.

1046
01:09:54.000 --> 01:09:56.760
And it's, it's not true.

1047
01:09:56.760 --> 01:10:00.000
So I love how you recognize that in your own spirit and you're just like, no.

1048
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.340
and you just refused it, you're like, no, absolutely not.

1049
01:10:03.340 --> 01:10:08.340
And choosing to take that, like you said, that dominion,

1050
01:10:08.380 --> 01:10:12.380
where you're like, no, Lord, or no circumstance

1051
01:10:12.380 --> 01:10:15.460
or whatever, that's not how it's going to be.

1052
01:10:15.460 --> 01:10:18.820
I'm declaring that this is how it's going to be.

1053
01:10:18.820 --> 01:10:23.820
But what it is that I encourage you in

1054
01:10:23.940 --> 01:10:27.760
is to trust in the Lord's character,

1055
01:10:27.760 --> 01:10:32.760
not in, because everything else can disappoint

1056
01:10:33.040 --> 01:10:34.960
and everything else can frustrate.

1057
01:10:34.960 --> 01:10:37.220
And like the doctors aren't working with me

1058
01:10:37.220 --> 01:10:39.800
and the surgeons aren't working with me and whatever,

1059
01:10:39.800 --> 01:10:41.280
but if we trust in the Lord,

1060
01:10:41.280 --> 01:10:44.320
it makes the path a lot smoother

1061
01:10:44.320 --> 01:10:46.720
and the journey towards that healing

1062
01:10:46.720 --> 01:10:49.240
and towards all of that just a lot easier

1063
01:10:49.240 --> 01:10:51.400
because it's his character that we're trusting in.

1064
01:10:51.400 --> 01:10:53.920
And as far as the trust, because you're saying like,

1065
01:10:53.920 --> 01:10:55.840
I don't know if I can trust the Lord in that,

1066
01:10:55.840 --> 01:10:59.800
because yeah, we've seen all these other people, Lord.

1067
01:10:59.800 --> 01:11:01.880
So what we're doing is that's accusation

1068
01:11:01.880 --> 01:11:03.800
against God's character.

1069
01:11:03.800 --> 01:11:05.440
And that's what unbelief is.

1070
01:11:05.440 --> 01:11:07.960
It's accusation against God's character of like,

1071
01:11:07.960 --> 01:11:10.680
well, Lord, I'm not seeing it

1072
01:11:10.680 --> 01:11:14.520
or I haven't seen it in other people or whatever.

1073
01:11:14.520 --> 01:11:15.680
And God's like, no, no, no,

1074
01:11:15.680 --> 01:11:17.800
I'm telling you that this is who I am.

1075
01:11:17.800 --> 01:11:20.400
Will you believe that I am who I am

1076
01:11:20.400 --> 01:11:22.880
regardless of what the wind and the waves are saying?

1077
01:11:22.880 --> 01:11:25.320
Because everything is telling you the opposite.

1078
01:11:25.320 --> 01:11:26.800
Will you trust and believe me

1079
01:11:26.800 --> 01:11:28.440
regardless of the fact that other people

1080
01:11:28.440 --> 01:11:30.560
that you thought were stronger in the faith

1081
01:11:30.560 --> 01:11:32.680
or if anybody would have been able to pray for healing

1082
01:11:32.680 --> 01:11:33.800
would be them.

1083
01:11:33.800 --> 01:11:36.240
And if anybody would have been healed by their own faith,

1084
01:11:36.240 --> 01:11:37.520
it would be them.

1085
01:11:37.520 --> 01:11:40.800
And in not seeing that manifest,

1086
01:11:40.800 --> 01:11:44.080
that's the wind and the waves telling us as proof,

1087
01:11:44.080 --> 01:11:46.680
it's not gonna work because we're taught our whole lives

1088
01:11:46.680 --> 01:11:49.680
look at that as proof of what God is.

1089
01:11:49.680 --> 01:11:50.800
And God's like, no, no, no,

1090
01:11:50.800 --> 01:11:53.120
we're supposed to ignore it

1091
01:11:53.120 --> 01:11:55.640
and understand that, no, if God says it,

1092
01:11:55.640 --> 01:11:57.880
then it's true and then to trust that.

1093
01:11:57.880 --> 01:11:59.880
And there was one more thing I wanted to say

1094
01:11:59.880 --> 01:12:01.600
that as far as trusting,

1095
01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:05.840
yes, it's hard when we're like, I just don't trust.

1096
01:12:05.840 --> 01:12:08.440
So what we do is we choose that reality.

1097
01:12:08.440 --> 01:12:10.240
We choose that that's our reality

1098
01:12:10.240 --> 01:12:12.640
as opposed to because we don't believe it.

1099
01:12:12.640 --> 01:12:13.480
So remember-

1100
01:12:13.480 --> 01:12:14.360
What do you mean I just don't trust?

1101
01:12:14.360 --> 01:12:16.160
What do you mean I just don't trust?

1102
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:19.520
Oh, I don't know what I said.

1103
01:12:19.520 --> 01:12:20.360
What did I say?

1104
01:12:21.240 --> 01:12:24.840
It's hard when we say, I just don't trust.

1105
01:12:24.840 --> 01:12:25.680
Oh, yes.

1106
01:12:25.680 --> 01:12:26.520
Say that.

1107
01:12:26.520 --> 01:12:29.120
Yeah, well, you were saying that you're like,

1108
01:12:29.120 --> 01:12:32.880
well, Lord, I don't know if I trust you to do this.

1109
01:12:32.880 --> 01:12:34.960
You're saying that your soul was struggling saying,

1110
01:12:34.960 --> 01:12:37.360
Lord, I don't know if I trust you.

1111
01:12:37.360 --> 01:12:39.840
Did I hear right when you said that?

1112
01:12:39.840 --> 01:12:43.080
Yes, I don't have a problem trusting God

1113
01:12:43.080 --> 01:12:44.200
or like trusting people.

1114
01:12:44.200 --> 01:12:45.960
I don't have like trust issues,

1115
01:12:45.960 --> 01:12:48.240
but I think in this kind of a thing-

1116
01:12:48.240 --> 01:12:49.720
That's what I'm talking about.

1117
01:12:50.400 --> 01:12:51.560
This can go very wrong.

1118
01:12:51.560 --> 01:12:56.400
And it feels like it's heavy on me to do it.

1119
01:12:58.320 --> 01:13:00.800
Like what if I make a mistake,

1120
01:13:00.800 --> 01:13:03.880
then my mistake is gonna be my mom's life, right?

1121
01:13:03.880 --> 01:13:07.240
Like she's not gonna heal from this type of a thing.

1122
01:13:07.240 --> 01:13:10.040
And like, I think it's more of that

1123
01:13:10.040 --> 01:13:13.040
in which turn I would turn around and be like,

1124
01:13:13.040 --> 01:13:15.240
why did you give a kid learning to ride a bike

1125
01:13:15.240 --> 01:13:16.840
this kind of responsibility?

1126
01:13:17.840 --> 01:13:22.800
So yeah, I think it's a mix of like the old ideas

1127
01:13:22.800 --> 01:13:27.240
and the unbelief and the distrust and stuff like that.

1128
01:13:27.240 --> 01:13:28.080
Yeah.

1129
01:13:28.080 --> 01:13:28.920
Yeah, correct.

1130
01:13:28.920 --> 01:13:31.400
So I was just referring to what you had said

1131
01:13:31.400 --> 01:13:34.160
about something about, which we all do,

1132
01:13:34.160 --> 01:13:35.040
Lord, I don't know.

1133
01:13:35.040 --> 01:13:38.480
I was telling, I was thinking that the other day

1134
01:13:38.480 --> 01:13:39.320
with the Lord.

1135
01:13:40.160 --> 01:13:42.200
I was like, oh Lord, I didn't use that word,

1136
01:13:42.200 --> 01:13:43.520
but basically that's what I was saying.

1137
01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:45.800
I don't remember what word I used.

1138
01:13:45.800 --> 01:13:49.640
I don't know if I use the word believe with him,

1139
01:13:49.640 --> 01:13:51.200
like Lord, I don't know that I believe

1140
01:13:51.200 --> 01:13:52.840
that you'd do that for me.

1141
01:13:52.840 --> 01:13:55.520
I don't remember if that, but basically, trust.

1142
01:13:55.520 --> 01:13:57.320
And I was telling the Lord that myself.

1143
01:13:57.320 --> 01:14:00.240
And just a few, like two, three days ago,

1144
01:14:00.240 --> 01:14:02.880
and about something very specific.

1145
01:14:02.880 --> 01:14:05.600
And that the thing is that I realized,

1146
01:14:05.600 --> 01:14:06.760
I reminded myself, I asked you,

1147
01:14:06.760 --> 01:14:08.640
you've got to choose your reality.

1148
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:10.960
So instead of waiting to see proof,

1149
01:14:10.960 --> 01:14:13.200
and then from that, then believing,

1150
01:14:13.200 --> 01:14:15.360
and then, okay, now that I believe,

1151
01:14:15.920 --> 01:14:17.840
now I'm going to actually choose that it's my reality.

1152
01:14:17.840 --> 01:14:19.240
I'm going to step out into it.

1153
01:14:19.240 --> 01:14:20.680
We have to go the opposite.

1154
01:14:20.680 --> 01:14:21.840
We choose it.

1155
01:14:21.840 --> 01:14:23.200
They choose that it's our reality,

1156
01:14:23.200 --> 01:14:26.240
and we step out into it because we choose

1157
01:14:26.240 --> 01:14:27.880
that that's the world that we live in.

1158
01:14:27.880 --> 01:14:30.280
Then once we choose it and we step out into it,

1159
01:14:30.280 --> 01:14:33.080
eventually, effortlessly, we come to believe it.

1160
01:14:33.080 --> 01:14:34.760
And once we come to believe it,

1161
01:14:34.760 --> 01:14:36.240
and now we're walking in it,

1162
01:14:36.240 --> 01:14:39.200
we begin to see, we begin to see proof.

1163
01:14:39.200 --> 01:14:40.640
So we go backwards.

1164
01:14:40.640 --> 01:14:43.240
So anyway, I was just encouraging you in whatever way,

1165
01:14:43.240 --> 01:14:44.400
because I do this as well.

1166
01:14:44.400 --> 01:14:47.320
In whatever way that we don't trust God

1167
01:14:47.320 --> 01:14:49.120
to the extent that we want to,

1168
01:14:49.120 --> 01:14:51.160
or believe God to the extent that we want to,

1169
01:14:51.160 --> 01:14:53.280
and we're battling that doubt and that fear,

1170
01:14:53.280 --> 01:14:54.760
and that, oh my goodness, what if,

1171
01:14:54.760 --> 01:14:56.680
and I haven't seen this before,

1172
01:14:56.680 --> 01:15:00.040
and I know that you can, but I don't know that you will.

1173
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.040
all of that, we choose that it's our reality instead of worrying that, well, I don't believe,

1174
01:15:07.040 --> 01:15:08.040
how do I believe more?

1175
01:15:08.040 --> 01:15:11.600
I mean, how on earth do we drum up more belief?

1176
01:15:11.600 --> 01:15:16.520
So we just choose that it's our reality and we step out into it and the belief will come,

1177
01:15:16.520 --> 01:15:22.040
the trust will come, the whatever, as opposed to trying to generate this thing that we don't

1178
01:15:22.040 --> 01:15:23.040
know how to generate.

1179
01:15:23.040 --> 01:15:24.040
We don't know.

1180
01:15:24.040 --> 01:15:25.040
I don't know about you.

1181
01:15:25.040 --> 01:15:26.040
I don't know how to generate trust.

1182
01:15:26.040 --> 01:15:29.760
I don't know how to generate belief, but I know how to choose that something's my reality.

1183
01:15:29.760 --> 01:15:30.760
Yeah.

1184
01:15:30.760 --> 01:15:31.760
Yeah.

1185
01:15:31.760 --> 01:15:36.080
I think that's good because I think sometimes in like word of faith circles or whatever

1186
01:15:36.080 --> 01:15:43.440
you really hear, like you have to, you have to have faith and without doubt, you know,

1187
01:15:43.440 --> 01:15:45.880
like period, there is no room for doubt.

1188
01:15:45.880 --> 01:15:50.000
And if it didn't turn out the way you thought it was going to be, then there was unbelief.

1189
01:15:50.000 --> 01:15:56.520
There was doubt in that, you know, and you like go through it and you're like, oh geez.

1190
01:15:56.520 --> 01:15:59.440
I'm not even sure dinner is going to turn out well every night.

1191
01:15:59.440 --> 01:16:00.440
I know.

1192
01:16:00.440 --> 01:16:01.440
I know.

1193
01:16:01.440 --> 01:16:07.440
There's a lot of, there's a lot of condemnation in word of faith churches.

1194
01:16:07.440 --> 01:16:08.440
Yeah.

1195
01:16:08.440 --> 01:16:12.800
Like the church I go to is word of faith, but mine's very unusual in the fact that they're,

1196
01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:16.320
that they preach the exact opposite, no condemnation and no shame.

1197
01:16:16.320 --> 01:16:18.640
And they deal with that first before the faith.

1198
01:16:18.640 --> 01:16:19.640
Yeah.

1199
01:16:19.640 --> 01:16:20.640
That's more important.

1200
01:16:20.640 --> 01:16:22.700
They're like, uh, no, you are a new creature.

1201
01:16:22.700 --> 01:16:23.960
You are a new man.

1202
01:16:23.960 --> 01:16:24.960
You are spirit.

1203
01:16:25.280 --> 01:16:29.000
And then, and that's why I go to that church is I'm like, oh, you believe like I do.

1204
01:16:29.000 --> 01:16:33.840
But then they, they're very, very, uh, so they're very atypical word of faith in the

1205
01:16:33.840 --> 01:16:37.320
fact that they deal with the, the no shame and condemnation first.

1206
01:16:37.320 --> 01:16:42.640
And then the faith afterwards so that it's not like we are set in any condemnation if

1207
01:16:42.640 --> 01:16:48.880
well, you know, that person died because you only had 99% faith and not a hundred.

1208
01:16:48.880 --> 01:16:49.880
No.

1209
01:16:49.880 --> 01:16:54.320
But says, if you have the, if you have the faith of a mustard seed, you can move a mountain.

1210
01:16:54.680 --> 01:16:56.560
So it's, it's not the amount of faith.

1211
01:16:56.560 --> 01:17:00.960
And that's another thing that my, uh, that the pastor that I get to preaches, he's like,

1212
01:17:00.960 --> 01:17:05.200
it's not the amount of faith that, that helps someone.

1213
01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:07.360
The amount of faith can be small.

1214
01:17:07.360 --> 01:17:11.840
The amount of faith that it matters matters not basically it was kind of like, uh, I don't

1215
01:17:11.840 --> 01:17:15.440
remember the phrase he uses, but basically kind of like the quality of faith.

1216
01:17:15.440 --> 01:17:19.160
Are you believing that God's that God is who he says that he is and that we are who he

1217
01:17:19.160 --> 01:17:20.160
says that we are.

1218
01:17:20.160 --> 01:17:21.160
There we go.

1219
01:17:21.160 --> 01:17:22.160
All right.

1220
01:17:22.200 --> 01:17:26.080
So now that we've got that figured out, you know, that would, now that we know that, that

1221
01:17:26.080 --> 01:17:28.200
that's all that we need to know and operating from that.

1222
01:17:28.200 --> 01:17:35.040
So anyway, my point in saying all of that is, um, uh, that yeah, we shouldn't, there's,

1223
01:17:35.040 --> 01:17:41.120
there's no need for us to feel like there's this weight on us that if something happens

1224
01:17:41.120 --> 01:17:45.040
that I didn't have enough faith, I didn't do it right.

1225
01:17:45.040 --> 01:17:50.440
Um, case in point, um, that, uh, the lady that I was talking about, which I don't know

1226
01:17:50.440 --> 01:17:55.120
if you were on at the point I was talking about that lady that I was, I was, I was working

1227
01:17:55.120 --> 01:18:00.600
with and I was declaring healing over her and she, and then, uh, and then after several

1228
01:18:00.600 --> 01:18:02.360
weeks she'd go back and then all of that.

1229
01:18:02.360 --> 01:18:09.800
So, um, I, I, one of the things that I had to battle was condemnation and shame thinking,

1230
01:18:09.800 --> 01:18:10.800
what have I done?

1231
01:18:10.800 --> 01:18:13.960
Because all that's required is my faith, not even hers.

1232
01:18:13.960 --> 01:18:16.340
I'm like, why was she not fully healed?

1233
01:18:16.340 --> 01:18:20.240
Why was she revert and all of this, you know, have I not done enough?

1234
01:18:21.040 --> 01:18:22.480
Have I, if I not learned enough and whatever.

1235
01:18:22.480 --> 01:18:30.240
And finally I just had to realize, okay, you know, I am, I'm, I'm learning and I am growing

1236
01:18:30.240 --> 01:18:31.240
in my faith.

1237
01:18:31.240 --> 01:18:32.240
I'm growing in my belief.

1238
01:18:32.240 --> 01:18:38.440
I'm trying to understand what belief is and what faith is and, um, and where it is that

1239
01:18:38.440 --> 01:18:41.960
I'm not believing where I thought that I was, et cetera.

1240
01:18:41.960 --> 01:18:48.080
And it's not, and I'm not in any condemnation or responsibility and their blood is not my

1241
01:18:48.080 --> 01:18:56.320
hand on my hands, you know, and, um, anyway, but so I just, just FYI, you know, I, I understand

1242
01:18:56.320 --> 01:19:00.240
that, that, that feeling in that situation where you're just kind of like, what have

1243
01:19:00.240 --> 01:19:01.240
I done?

1244
01:19:01.240 --> 01:19:02.960
And this lady's situation is bad.

1245
01:19:02.960 --> 01:19:04.340
It's really bad.

1246
01:19:04.340 --> 01:19:08.160
So when she suffers, it's awful.

1247
01:19:08.160 --> 01:19:14.680
Some of it is very, is a like demonic manifestations on her body, awful.

1248
01:19:14.960 --> 01:19:20.200
And so, I mean, talk about like feeling like, oh my goodness, uh, sending light.

1249
01:19:20.200 --> 01:19:24.680
Not that I've sent her back because I didn't have enough faith.

1250
01:19:24.680 --> 01:19:27.760
So therefore I couldn't do X, Y, and Z.

1251
01:19:27.760 --> 01:19:30.320
It's not something that I'm doing.

1252
01:19:30.320 --> 01:19:34.940
I'm just learning how to have, how to believe and have faith so that that body hears me

1253
01:19:34.940 --> 01:19:39.320
as a son of God and manifest and, and, and obeys accordingly.

1254
01:19:39.320 --> 01:19:43.440
But the first thing that we have to deal with is no condemnation or shame.

1255
01:19:43.440 --> 01:19:48.320
We're just learning and, and residing in the father's heart, hearing his, hearing his

1256
01:19:48.320 --> 01:19:51.600
heart and flowing along with him.

1257
01:19:51.600 --> 01:19:55.720
Okay, Lord, what do, how do, how do I declare this now?

1258
01:19:55.720 --> 01:19:59.120
How decision do I make with this doctor?

1259
01:19:59.120 --> 01:20:00.040
And it's all about.

1260
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.560
the relationship with him and, um, and not about condemnation.

1261
01:20:03.600 --> 01:20:06.800
And I, and I tell you that story to let you know,

1262
01:20:06.800 --> 01:20:11.000
I'm fully aware of the seriousness of being in that situation where you feel

1263
01:20:11.000 --> 01:20:12.880
like that. And so I don't say it.

1264
01:20:12.880 --> 01:20:15.280
So I just wanted to say that I don't say the things that I'm saying,

1265
01:20:15.480 --> 01:20:19.680
taking that lightly because I am, you know, I'm very sorry. So I understand.

1266
01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:21.840
I appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you.

1267
01:20:23.240 --> 01:20:24.080
Yeah.

1268
01:20:25.280 --> 01:20:29.920
Well, wow. We've gone, we've gone way over time, which isn't a problem.

1269
01:20:29.920 --> 01:20:31.640
There's no, there's no overtime.

1270
01:20:31.680 --> 01:20:35.320
I just don't know what y'all have, um, this evening. Um,

1271
01:20:35.320 --> 01:20:38.800
did y'all have anything else before, before we get off?

1272
01:20:40.240 --> 01:20:43.840
Hello. Good. It's good to get to see y'all.

1273
01:20:43.840 --> 01:20:48.200
I haven't seen at least some of you in a few weeks. So that was good.

1274
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:52.480
That's really good. And trying to think if I have anything,

1275
01:20:53.200 --> 01:20:56.680
uh, I think I'll be leaving on my, uh, uh,

1276
01:20:56.920 --> 01:21:00.240
travels in after July the 18th.

1277
01:21:01.080 --> 01:21:03.840
And then, uh, and just for a short stint,

1278
01:21:03.880 --> 01:21:08.520
and then I'll come back in August and here and just for a conference.

1279
01:21:08.560 --> 01:21:12.200
And then I'll head out on a really big trip. So hopefully I'll get to,

1280
01:21:12.720 --> 01:21:15.800
hopefully I get to finally get to meet y'all. I don't know when,

1281
01:21:15.880 --> 01:21:19.240
I don't know how long it was just going to take traveling around anyway.

1282
01:21:19.240 --> 01:21:20.080
And it all depends.

1283
01:21:20.080 --> 01:21:21.640
What is your trip? I did not,

1284
01:21:21.680 --> 01:21:25.400
I didn't catch up with the zoom meeting from a couple of weeks ago. Okay.

1285
01:21:25.440 --> 01:21:29.280
So just point me your trip and I will go back and watch it.

1286
01:21:29.600 --> 01:21:33.840
Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I, I haven't uploaded it yet. It's part of the problem.

1287
01:21:34.120 --> 01:21:34.960
Oh, that's fine.

1288
01:21:35.080 --> 01:21:39.240
Apparently way behind on all of these uploads. Um, so, uh,

1289
01:21:39.320 --> 01:21:43.280
because last week I was at last week or the week before last,

1290
01:21:43.880 --> 01:21:46.160
it was a week before last. Okay. So week before last,

1291
01:21:46.640 --> 01:21:49.880
I got on the zoom call and I told everybody, okay, everybody,

1292
01:21:49.880 --> 01:21:54.080
just to let y'all know, the Lord has, has told me to, uh, uh,

1293
01:21:54.120 --> 01:21:55.200
sell 90,

1294
01:21:55.200 --> 01:22:00.200
95% of my things and go driving around the United States traveling.

1295
01:22:01.080 --> 01:22:05.840
So no apartment, nothing, me and my car,

1296
01:22:05.840 --> 01:22:09.000
my little dog and traveling and traveling around and seeing family and friends

1297
01:22:09.040 --> 01:22:14.160
and in clients and just living in relationship with the Lord. Uh, and, uh,

1298
01:22:14.200 --> 01:22:18.560
yeah, so that's what he has me, had me do gave me a dream to confirm that.

1299
01:22:18.720 --> 01:22:21.560
And so that was really quick, which the dream is really quick,

1300
01:22:21.560 --> 01:22:25.680
so I can just say it. I was, he, he, uh, I say it was a dream.

1301
01:22:25.680 --> 01:22:29.400
It was a dream slash vision. I'm not really sure what it was. Anyway, there,

1302
01:22:29.400 --> 01:22:31.280
I saw this at, I, first of all,

1303
01:22:31.280 --> 01:22:33.880
I thought that that's what he was telling you to do. But I said, Lord,

1304
01:22:33.880 --> 01:22:36.520
would you please confirm it to me that you're telling me to travel?

1305
01:22:36.520 --> 01:22:40.160
Cause that's a very serious thing. Do you want me to do this? And, um,

1306
01:22:40.160 --> 01:22:44.080
so he, two nights later, he gave me this vision slash dream.

1307
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:46.840
Not really sure what it was. Um, where I was,

1308
01:22:47.000 --> 01:22:50.720
I was on an Atlas and I was standing on the map that I was standing on the state

1309
01:22:50.720 --> 01:22:55.080
of Texas. And God was walking from the state of Texas towards, uh,

1310
01:22:55.120 --> 01:22:57.400
across the Southern United States, towards Florida.

1311
01:22:57.800 --> 01:23:01.320
And he turned back and looked at me and he gestured to me and he said,

1312
01:23:01.320 --> 01:23:04.920
you want to come with me? And I jolted awake.

1313
01:23:04.960 --> 01:23:09.080
I was so excited. I was like, that was the confirmation.

1314
01:23:10.760 --> 01:23:15.040
Yeah. So that was really neat. So yes. So last,

1315
01:23:15.080 --> 01:23:19.560
last Thursday I was like, okay guys, within a few hours of making, uh, uh,

1316
01:23:19.600 --> 01:23:20.840
getting off the Q and a,

1317
01:23:21.320 --> 01:23:26.080
I am cleaning the apartment and I'm literally moving out within hours. So, um,

1318
01:23:26.240 --> 01:23:30.200
I I'm out and I will start traveling some, like I said, uh,

1319
01:23:30.240 --> 01:23:31.520
right after July the 18th,

1320
01:23:31.520 --> 01:23:35.600
I had like lots of like family birthdays and stuff and then, um,

1321
01:23:35.640 --> 01:23:40.360
just do really short trip. I think Houston, Louisiana, Arkansas, back to Dallas.

1322
01:23:40.760 --> 01:23:44.880
And in a month I've got, uh, in August 20th through the 22nd,

1323
01:23:44.880 --> 01:23:48.200
I have a conference. And then after that I don't have anything.

1324
01:23:48.200 --> 01:23:50.680
And so I'm just going to start, start traveling. So,

1325
01:23:50.760 --> 01:23:53.880
and just go wherever the Lord says to go next. So I haven't,

1326
01:23:55.040 --> 01:23:55.880
I have an arc,

1327
01:23:56.080 --> 01:24:00.640
but I have a couple of conferences that in various States that I might end up

1328
01:24:00.920 --> 01:24:03.840
going to in like, in like, um,

1329
01:24:04.360 --> 01:24:07.200
it may not go in a perfect smooth circle. So anyway,

1330
01:24:07.200 --> 01:24:10.400
I'm hoping to get by and see as many of y'all as,

1331
01:24:10.440 --> 01:24:14.840
as I can when I happen to be in y'all's area. So anyway,

1332
01:24:15.840 --> 01:24:18.320
where do you guys live? Are you guys in Texas?

1333
01:24:20.360 --> 01:24:21.560
I'm in West Virginia.

1334
01:24:24.080 --> 01:24:27.720
Pennsylvania close to where Cheryl is. Uh, Cheryl Flair.

1335
01:24:28.280 --> 01:24:30.400
Okay. And Priscilla, I think,

1336
01:24:30.400 --> 01:24:34.680
are those the only ones of us that live in Pennsylvania? I think so. Yeah.

1337
01:24:35.000 --> 01:24:37.080
Yeah. You're in Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania.

1338
01:24:38.200 --> 01:24:42.040
What was that? Where? Uh, in Lancaster,

1339
01:24:42.080 --> 01:24:45.760
like in South central Pennsylvania, I think. Okay.

1340
01:24:47.080 --> 01:24:49.480
We almost moved there when we moved to North Carolina,

1341
01:24:49.480 --> 01:24:51.640
that was the other place that Eric looked at a job.

1342
01:24:55.720 --> 01:24:59.920
You have cousins there and stuff. So that's, you need to have like.

1343
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.760
Girls trip. We'll just all travel and we like meet in the middle. It'd be fun.

1344
01:25:05.280 --> 01:25:05.880
That's right.

1345
01:25:06.240 --> 01:25:06.640
You'd like

1346
01:25:08.240 --> 01:25:08.600
Yeah.

1347
01:25:12.040 --> 01:25:12.520
So anyway,

1348
01:25:13.480 --> 01:25:25.240
Please so that you'll have that. And so sorry about that. But yeah, so I am. Oh my word y'all. Oh my goodness. Have y'all ever tried to sell 90 to 95% of a fully furnished home.

1349
01:25:26.080 --> 01:25:37.760
Where you've had to to fully furnished bedrooms, your master and your guests and two full baths in a full kitchen. So I am the most married

1350
01:25:38.600 --> 01:25:45.240
A most married established home person. I've been unmarried person that you have ever met. Trust me.

1351
01:25:46.760 --> 01:25:56.800
Everything like I started having I started getting China. I mean, like I've in it. It's also all of my furniture already sold everything

1352
01:25:57.120 --> 01:26:07.240
Well, almost. I have a garage sale tomorrow and the next day to sell the last of anything that doesn't sell and donating, but I've sold. I've already sold probably seven

1353
01:26:08.360 --> 01:26:17.760
I don't know at least 60% 70% of everything I own and then last bit is going to be in the garage sale and anything that it doesn't sell there's is a

1354
01:26:18.320 --> 01:26:33.680
Is a donating I now only have maybe a third to a quarter of the clothes that I used to have on and for somebody who's an English major I have reduced I have sold 90% of my books.

1355
01:26:35.920 --> 01:26:43.640
It's that major the things that you do when your relationship with God changes based on your identity. It's no longer in the things anymore. I'm like,

1356
01:26:45.200 --> 01:26:46.080
So like, here we go.

1357
01:26:46.840 --> 01:26:49.320
Okay, what is your mom saying about this.

1358
01:26:51.080 --> 01:26:55.920
They're very sweet. They're very sweet about it. They're very supportive. But yeah, it's been very hard.

1359
01:26:56.360 --> 01:26:56.680
It's been

1360
01:26:57.280 --> 01:27:04.960
Yeah, which they let me know that it's been very hard for them, but I've appreciated the fact that they've been very, very supportive. So they're just

1361
01:27:05.360 --> 01:27:10.120
At least you're not like 21 and doing it, you know, where they're like, oh, great.

1362
01:27:10.200 --> 01:27:10.640
Here we

1363
01:27:12.160 --> 01:27:14.760
Call one day and have to go rescue her.

1364
01:27:15.160 --> 01:27:15.760
Yes.

1365
01:27:17.120 --> 01:27:24.160
Yeah, so it's difficult for them that and they've been very sweet and they've just been very supportive of it. So

1366
01:27:25.960 --> 01:27:31.840
But as a mom of four girls. I told Dan. Oh, I'm kind of worried about her and Dan's like, seriously, she's a grown woman.

1367
01:27:32.840 --> 01:27:40.080
I know my friends are all worried about me. I've got a friend. She's like, Ashley, do you have someone to call. Yes, I've got lots of people.

1368
01:27:41.840 --> 01:27:50.120
And if that's the one who invited me to go kind of like with with Peter, where you walk out on the water. All the provision is in the word come

1369
01:27:50.120 --> 01:28:00.760
All the provisions. They are all of the safety, all of that. And God is always prompt to my heart whenever something's not safe or, you know, whatever. And so I'm not worried because

1370
01:28:01.080 --> 01:28:10.040
Because I've got this spirit with me. And so spirit just tells me what to do. And it was his invitation. So, so you can understand. I mean, you know, by all the questions that y'all asked

1371
01:28:10.400 --> 01:28:17.360
That's why I was like, well, this is a serious thing. I really would like to know from you that this isn't just something that's coming up out of me.

1372
01:28:17.360 --> 01:28:28.160
That my, my soul that you don't approve of or something like Lord. And so I asked him, it was really sweet. I asked him, Lord, I want you as my lover. If this is you to invite me

1373
01:28:29.120 --> 01:28:43.680
I said, that would be very important. Would you please invite me like a man with 12 to a woman. Would you invite me to go on this adventure with you. And then I got that there's like, okay, he invited me. So with, with the word come comes all the provision. So, yeah.

1374
01:28:43.680 --> 01:28:54.720
Okay, except Peter said to Jesus, Lord bid me come to you and said, Jesus said come, which is my whole theory about why he sank. I'm like, I don't tell Jesus what to do.

1375
01:28:56.520 --> 01:29:06.720
That's hilarious. So I did. You're right. I hadn't thought about that. In fact, that I told I asked God is like God, you know, would you if that's you, would you tell me to come in many

1376
01:29:07.080 --> 01:29:08.440
I'm not going to think

1377
01:29:09.560 --> 01:29:21.480
I know that my soul, though, is going to be try the poor little soul. It's going to be dry. So y'all be with me on this journey will still have been zoom calls while we good. But anyway,

1378
01:29:22.360 --> 01:29:29.680
It's going to be different because I had a routine down and I had, you know, like, you know, I did on my client call and I had a routine down.

1379
01:29:29.800 --> 01:29:37.080
And I had, you know, like, you know, I did on my client calls and I did this and I did that. And I got on here, you know, there's a nice and I just

1380
01:29:37.880 --> 01:29:40.360
In all of a sudden, it's just kind of like

1381
01:29:41.880 --> 01:29:52.960
I don't know. It's like, okay, how how just so doing this while on the road. This is going to be a little different. And it's going to be good. And I'm excited, but it's, it's, um, anyway, it's just

1382
01:29:52.960 --> 01:29:57.360
It's going to be good. And I'm excited, but it's, it's, um, anyway, it's just

1383
01:29:58.560 --> 01:29:59.840
Just different. But yeah.

1384
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.840
I mean, I'm excited.

1385
01:30:01.840 --> 01:30:02.960
It's going well.

1386
01:30:02.960 --> 01:30:07.180
I've had a lot of affirmation from the Lord, so yeah.

1387
01:30:08.280 --> 01:30:09.600
I'm so glad.

1388
01:30:09.600 --> 01:30:11.420
Thank you, yeah.

1389
01:30:13.280 --> 01:30:14.120
Go ahead.

1390
01:30:14.120 --> 01:30:16.080
Oh, sorry, you said something there,

1391
01:30:16.080 --> 01:30:18.040
maybe it was that week or the following week

1392
01:30:18.040 --> 01:30:20.200
about our houses and about how they kind of

1393
01:30:20.200 --> 01:30:22.320
reflect our values and reflect us.

1394
01:30:22.320 --> 01:30:24.680
I looked around and went, oh, heck no.

1395
01:30:24.680 --> 01:30:29.680
So I've done so much painting and reclaiming my house,

1396
01:30:30.920 --> 01:30:32.600
this week, it's like, yeah.

1397
01:30:32.600 --> 01:30:34.640
Cause we were trying to finish things up.

1398
01:30:34.640 --> 01:30:36.440
I just kind of held off on all the decorating,

1399
01:30:36.440 --> 01:30:37.280
held off on everything.

1400
01:30:37.280 --> 01:30:38.800
It's like, oh, I'll be practical.

1401
01:30:38.800 --> 01:30:40.400
I won't have to take all this down.

1402
01:30:40.400 --> 01:30:42.440
But you said that, I'm like, oh my gosh,

1403
01:30:42.440 --> 01:30:43.880
I might have to give a swab.

1404
01:30:43.880 --> 01:30:46.520
So yeah, I've been painting all week.

1405
01:30:46.520 --> 01:30:47.960
That's wonderful.

1406
01:30:47.960 --> 01:30:51.600
But here's one of the things that our lives do reflect.

1407
01:30:51.600 --> 01:30:53.120
I'm so excited to hear about the paint.

1408
01:30:53.120 --> 01:30:57.320
That is the most affordable way

1409
01:30:57.360 --> 01:31:00.180
to completely change a home is painting.

1410
01:31:02.040 --> 01:31:04.080
But the thing about like stuff like that

1411
01:31:04.080 --> 01:31:06.120
is sometimes we don't believe that we,

1412
01:31:08.280 --> 01:31:10.120
cause I've done that whole thing before

1413
01:31:10.120 --> 01:31:11.720
where it's not practical.

1414
01:31:11.720 --> 01:31:13.480
I was in apartments and I'm like,

1415
01:31:13.480 --> 01:31:15.360
it's not practical for me to paint.

1416
01:31:15.360 --> 01:31:17.660
I got to the point where I'm like, no, this is my home.

1417
01:31:17.660 --> 01:31:19.120
To the point where I would paint,

1418
01:31:19.120 --> 01:31:20.920
I would have it painted before I moved in

1419
01:31:20.920 --> 01:31:23.500
and I would pay to have it painted before I moved out.

1420
01:31:23.500 --> 01:31:25.280
Because you always have to change it back

1421
01:31:25.280 --> 01:31:27.560
to the original color when you leave.

1422
01:31:27.560 --> 01:31:32.560
And I realized, no, I needed to know that,

1423
01:31:34.600 --> 01:31:36.600
I don't mean this in a selfish way

1424
01:31:36.600 --> 01:31:38.280
or a prideful way or anything.

1425
01:31:38.280 --> 01:31:39.720
I'm talking about who I am in Christ.

1426
01:31:39.720 --> 01:31:44.280
I realized, no, no, no, this needs to reflect who I am

1427
01:31:44.280 --> 01:31:47.560
and it needs to reflect my value and I'm worth this.

1428
01:31:47.560 --> 01:31:51.120
I don't need to think that, oh, I need to be practical.

1429
01:31:51.120 --> 01:31:52.760
I don't need to be irresponsible.

1430
01:31:52.760 --> 01:31:54.760
It's irresponsible to do this, to do that,

1431
01:31:55.600 --> 01:31:58.400
I'm like, mm-mm, no, it needs to reflect me.

1432
01:31:58.400 --> 01:31:59.720
I need to take my house.

1433
01:31:59.720 --> 01:32:02.600
I need to take dominion, not in an abusive way,

1434
01:32:02.600 --> 01:32:05.960
but take dominion as in, no, this is, tell my home,

1435
01:32:05.960 --> 01:32:07.260
this is who you are.

1436
01:32:07.260 --> 01:32:09.720
You reflect me and this is what we will do.

1437
01:32:09.720 --> 01:32:10.680
This is what we look like.

1438
01:32:10.680 --> 01:32:13.800
And then a whole house, even animists,

1439
01:32:13.800 --> 01:32:16.240
animists who believe that inanimate objects have souls,

1440
01:32:16.240 --> 01:32:21.200
understand this, they sense the creation settling down

1441
01:32:21.200 --> 01:32:22.740
when a son of God presents himself.

1442
01:32:22.780 --> 01:32:24.980
Even a non-believer who doesn't know that they're,

1443
01:32:24.980 --> 01:32:27.420
that they are who God says that they are,

1444
01:32:27.420 --> 01:32:29.300
creation will respond to them.

1445
01:32:29.300 --> 01:32:31.540
So Christians didn't believe that.

1446
01:32:31.540 --> 01:32:33.860
So the Buddhists and the Hindus and whatever,

1447
01:32:33.860 --> 01:32:35.860
they're the ones who figured out,

1448
01:32:35.860 --> 01:32:37.780
wait a minute, things are responding to me.

1449
01:32:37.780 --> 01:32:39.580
So they started coming up with all of these things

1450
01:32:39.580 --> 01:32:43.900
about like explanations of like energy and animism.

1451
01:32:43.900 --> 01:32:45.900
Oh, these things must have souls and do that

1452
01:32:45.900 --> 01:32:50.500
because they would change in the presence of a human being

1453
01:32:50.500 --> 01:32:52.020
who presented themselves.

1454
01:32:52.020 --> 01:32:55.100
And even though they don't fully understand why,

1455
01:32:55.100 --> 01:32:59.900
creation will still respond in a limited measure

1456
01:32:59.900 --> 01:33:04.900
to another human being, even if that human being

1457
01:33:05.100 --> 01:33:06.860
doesn't fully understand who it is they are.

1458
01:33:06.860 --> 01:33:08.420
It depends on the power and the authority

1459
01:33:08.420 --> 01:33:11.780
that they do believe that they have, that they operate in.

1460
01:33:11.780 --> 01:33:14.060
They also don't have life coming from it

1461
01:33:14.060 --> 01:33:15.660
because they don't have a life source.

1462
01:33:15.660 --> 01:33:20.060
But anyway, so my point was that,

1463
01:33:20.060 --> 01:33:21.820
yes, sometimes we can just think that

1464
01:33:21.820 --> 01:33:24.340
in a way that it reflects who we are,

1465
01:33:24.340 --> 01:33:26.020
it sometimes reflects the value

1466
01:33:26.020 --> 01:33:27.300
that we believe that we have

1467
01:33:27.300 --> 01:33:30.300
or the value that we believe that we don't.

1468
01:33:30.300 --> 01:33:32.980
And so anyway, it was stuff like that

1469
01:33:32.980 --> 01:33:35.540
that I was saying that it reflects us.

1470
01:33:35.540 --> 01:33:37.020
It doesn't reflect who we are,

1471
01:33:37.020 --> 01:33:39.060
it reflects what we believe,

1472
01:33:39.060 --> 01:33:41.700
reflects who we believe that we are.

1473
01:33:41.700 --> 01:33:42.820
So I'm excited.

1474
01:33:42.820 --> 01:33:44.740
I told the girls about that.

1475
01:33:44.740 --> 01:33:46.700
Oh, it was funny because I said, this is not me.

1476
01:33:46.700 --> 01:33:47.620
I'm not a slob.

1477
01:33:47.620 --> 01:33:49.220
And they're like, you have four kids.

1478
01:33:49.220 --> 01:33:50.900
I said, yeah, you're the slobs.

1479
01:33:50.900 --> 01:33:54.220
So they're helping now, but yeah.

1480
01:33:54.220 --> 01:33:55.820
That's exciting.

1481
01:33:55.820 --> 01:33:57.380
That's exciting.

1482
01:33:57.380 --> 01:33:58.620
So good.

1483
01:33:58.620 --> 01:34:00.260
Good.

1484
01:34:00.260 --> 01:34:02.620
Well, is there anything else before we go off?

1485
01:34:03.940 --> 01:34:05.660
Everybody good?

1486
01:34:05.660 --> 01:34:07.180
Oh, I guess one more thing I'll mention

1487
01:34:07.180 --> 01:34:09.780
is just a little side note to bringing up the house

1488
01:34:09.780 --> 01:34:11.180
as what we were talking about last time.

1489
01:34:11.180 --> 01:34:12.700
I'm hoping to do,

1490
01:34:12.700 --> 01:34:15.060
apparently everybody that I'm talking to

1491
01:34:15.060 --> 01:34:17.660
is like doing something with their house,

1492
01:34:17.660 --> 01:34:20.260
like they're selling or they're getting rid of things

1493
01:34:20.260 --> 01:34:22.740
or they're moving into a new one or whatever.

1494
01:34:22.740 --> 01:34:24.220
And so I was going to do,

1495
01:34:24.220 --> 01:34:25.740
even before I found all of that out,

1496
01:34:25.740 --> 01:34:29.580
it was just on my heart to do a teaching

1497
01:34:29.580 --> 01:34:33.340
on how our things,

1498
01:34:33.340 --> 01:34:34.540
like what you're talking about, Steph,

1499
01:34:34.540 --> 01:34:38.020
how our things in our house reflect

1500
01:34:38.020 --> 01:34:39.860
what it is that we believe about ourselves

1501
01:34:39.860 --> 01:34:43.500
and how to then take dominion over our house in rest.

1502
01:34:43.500 --> 01:34:47.060
And so with like, in relationship to things,

1503
01:34:47.100 --> 01:34:50.740
because our interactions with things reveal to us,

1504
01:34:52.180 --> 01:34:54.060
so much about ourselves.

1505
01:34:54.060 --> 01:34:56.580
So anyway, that'll be coming up at some point.

1506
01:34:59.180 --> 01:35:00.020
So, well.

1507
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.100
Oh, wish me and God's many good blessings.

1508
01:35:04.140 --> 01:35:14.180
The next couple of days. I am I y'all have no idea. I'm sitting here on my bed so filthy because I just came back from several hours working on

1509
01:35:14.620 --> 01:35:21.700
On setting up the garage sale. And so I'm going to go back. I was telling stuff this I'm going to go back probably about like six 630 tomorrow morning.

1510
01:35:22.180 --> 01:35:28.900
I'm helping my the cup my you remember I was staying in my best friend's apartment garage.

1511
01:35:30.340 --> 01:35:34.620
Yeah garage apartment. I always say that backwards garage apartment and then

1512
01:35:35.140 --> 01:35:45.140
As as she as they told me is I told them that God was calling me to travel. They said, well, actually, my parents have just said that they would like that they're ready to move into

1513
01:35:45.460 --> 01:35:51.020
To completely leave their home and sell as much of their stuff as they can and permanently.

1514
01:35:51.260 --> 01:36:00.220
Move into the garage apartment. So the Lord was just telling all of us all of this at the same time. So that's wonderful. So I've helped them for a couple of days move out of their home.

1515
01:36:00.580 --> 01:36:15.820
And oh, coolest thing. Carrie, you would love this. She had a she shed it. It was like this quilt shop. It was like a quilt makers dream place. It was amazing. I mean, like an entire wall.

1516
01:36:16.180 --> 01:36:35.860
Actually, like more than a whole wall and like nothing but fabric like all categorized by color. I know it was like walking into Hobby Lobby. It was it and then like a huge to like huge place to like cut everything and like this little this little place to do or to do to. So, and then this huge

1517
01:36:36.740 --> 01:36:44.540
A shelf on one side where she had a whole bunch of stuff set up and then huge shelf above her with all of her like quilting books and magazines.

1518
01:36:44.740 --> 01:36:54.940
I mean, seriously, it was like a quilt makers dream. So I went through and helped her like literally like organize and pack and clean all of that move all of that out. And then we worked on the garage as well. So we did that for a couple of days last week.

1519
01:36:55.500 --> 01:37:06.780
So tomorrow and the next day I'm helping them with their garage sale and then I'm selling my stuff as well. So it's going to be my best friend's dad who's 70

1520
01:37:07.260 --> 01:37:17.260
And then my best friend's son, Nathan. He's my buddy. He's the one who had a tiny 10 the catfish that needed me to poke. So Nathan, my buddy and myself.

1521
01:37:18.980 --> 01:37:23.260
So for two days. So the Lord have mercy on us all.

1522
01:37:25.020 --> 01:37:26.300
So it'll go really good.

1523
01:37:27.900 --> 01:37:38.060
We got it all set up. So tomorrow and the next day will hopefully be easier, but we're basically just asking everybody. Hey, what, what will you offer me for all of it for whatever it is that they've collected them they want

1524
01:37:38.460 --> 01:37:47.740
And then if it's in them will work on something that's that's reasonable. So anyway, so it is a lot easier than price tagging everything. I didn't know if y'all ever did did

1525
01:37:48.060 --> 01:37:55.260
And garage sales in the 90s, but you price tag everything else sticker everything you need that you need that a heartache.

1526
01:37:59.260 --> 01:38:01.900
So I will let y'all go. It's good to see all of you.

1527
01:38:02.420 --> 01:38:07.260
It's good to see you, Ashley. I'm excited for you. What kind of a car, you're going to be driving across the country.

1528
01:38:07.740 --> 01:38:11.340
I have a Mazda Miata MX five. It's a little two seater.

1529
01:38:11.660 --> 01:38:13.220
Sister you

1530
01:38:14.740 --> 01:38:16.060
Put your toiletries.

1531
01:38:17.060 --> 01:38:23.300
Oh yeah, so I have a matchbox of a trunk, but I have gotten extremely efficient at packing that thing.

1532
01:38:23.380 --> 01:38:23.900
Yes.

1533
01:38:23.980 --> 01:38:29.660
And yeah, and so like it is so small. It doesn't have a glove compartment. It is that tiny.

1534
01:38:31.820 --> 01:38:39.820
So it's me and then my little dog will be in the passenger seat in my little matchbox of a truck. So you understand why I had to sell 95%

1535
01:38:40.060 --> 01:38:44.660
Oh my gosh, yeah. And your clothes because it's not like you could take 10 outfits with you.

1536
01:38:45.260 --> 01:38:49.820
Yeah. Well, actually, surprisingly, I have a lot of things that are kind of like this, you know,

1537
01:38:50.620 --> 01:38:57.500
Really soft and flimsy and so I can I can pack them up pretty tight so I can. Oh, and another thing I ran. I did the whole

1538
01:38:58.060 --> 01:39:06.700
And I read a book that talked about like folding things really neatly and tightly and all of that and stuff. And so I did that like three years ago.

1539
01:39:07.060 --> 01:39:16.540
So that's how I've been folding my stuff ever since. And so it it's I'm very conducive to traveling very compactly so I can actually take quite a lot of clothes with me.

1540
01:39:18.620 --> 01:39:21.100
Yeah, so, but I'm only taking one winter jacket.

1541
01:39:22.340 --> 01:39:33.660
My poor little trunk can only handle one winter jacket. But yeah, so yeah, but it'll be fun. It'll be fun. So yeah candy apple red and Mazda Miata MX five can't miss me on the highway.

1542
01:39:34.140 --> 01:39:37.620
That's fabulous. Oh my gosh, you're gonna have a great time.

1543
01:39:37.820 --> 01:39:39.300
I know I'm excited.

1544
01:39:39.780 --> 01:39:43.780
You may want to rethink West Virginia because you'll fall in a pothole and we'll never see you again.

1545
01:39:46.460 --> 01:39:47.980
Roads are bad.

1546
01:39:49.460 --> 01:40:00.020
Yeah, they're real bad like I went and the guy said, Did you not notice your car riding rough. I said, Did you not notice the roads that I drive on like I had a busted belt my tie.

1547
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.960
or something at 14 weights on it.

1548
01:40:02.520 --> 01:40:03.840
So I had to get new tires.

1549
01:40:03.880 --> 01:40:06.840
And he's like, how did you not notice drive out to my house?

1550
01:40:06.840 --> 01:40:08.600
And you'll, you'll figure it out.

1551
01:40:10.920 --> 01:40:14.160
You have to get your, your, an axle realigned every now and then.

1552
01:40:15.200 --> 01:40:19.520
Uh, you just learn, you don't stay in your lane when you're on some of our

1553
01:40:19.520 --> 01:40:24.520
back roads, you like kind of weave and yeah, you drive on what's left.

1554
01:40:24.960 --> 01:40:25.440
Yes.

1555
01:40:26.320 --> 01:40:26.720
Yeah.

1556
01:40:26.760 --> 01:40:28.120
Not on the right or the left.

1557
01:40:28.120 --> 01:40:28.800
Just what's left.

1558
01:40:29.080 --> 01:40:34.920
This stuff, do you guys have like a democratic mayor or, I mean, governor

1559
01:40:35.280 --> 01:40:35.920
and stuff like that?

1560
01:40:35.920 --> 01:40:37.280
Are you a democratic state?

1561
01:40:37.880 --> 01:40:38.800
I think we do.

1562
01:40:39.560 --> 01:40:40.280
Yeah, it might be.

1563
01:40:40.640 --> 01:40:41.560
I honestly couldn't tell you.

1564
01:40:42.160 --> 01:40:48.680
So, I mean, I know who he is, but I don't really follow him much, which the

1565
01:40:48.680 --> 01:40:51.440
whole mask deal and COVID and everything.

1566
01:40:52.000 --> 01:40:54.360
We get our daily dose of making fun of big Jim.

1567
01:40:54.360 --> 01:40:57.560
So you just kind of ride along with it.

1568
01:40:58.480 --> 01:40:59.480
Is that your governor?

1569
01:40:59.520 --> 01:41:00.200
Big Jim?

1570
01:41:01.240 --> 01:41:01.760
Oh my gosh.

1571
01:41:02.200 --> 01:41:02.720
Is he good?

1572
01:41:02.720 --> 01:41:04.120
He's a genius.

1573
01:41:04.440 --> 01:41:04.640
Yeah.

1574
01:41:05.080 --> 01:41:09.560
Our North Carolina governor is like a complete, like everybody

1575
01:41:09.560 --> 01:41:11.840
else, God bless governor Cooper.

1576
01:41:15.600 --> 01:41:15.760
Yeah.

1577
01:41:15.760 --> 01:41:21.360
Well, governor Abbott is currently known, I think beyond the United States

1578
01:41:21.360 --> 01:41:24.160
because Texas is one of the first to start reopening.

1579
01:41:24.560 --> 01:41:32.040
And so Trump invited him up to the White House to talk about

1580
01:41:32.080 --> 01:41:33.600
the plan and all of that stuff.

1581
01:41:33.600 --> 01:41:37.880
Well, now Texas is having a spike, which they knew was going to happen.

1582
01:41:38.240 --> 01:41:42.440
But what was happening was that if they look at all of the numbers, they say

1583
01:41:42.440 --> 01:41:45.920
that if they look at all the numbers and all of the trends, it came from the bars.

1584
01:41:46.480 --> 01:41:47.800
And what was the other place?

1585
01:41:47.840 --> 01:41:53.440
And in other words, all of the places that make a business

1586
01:41:53.720 --> 01:41:56.440
off of tightly packed nightclubs.

1587
01:41:56.440 --> 01:42:00.600
And one other one, tightly packing people in, oh, protests.

1588
01:42:01.320 --> 01:42:05.800
They said, if you track the people who kind of contacted, who have contracted

1589
01:42:05.800 --> 01:42:10.680
COVID, it's the people in protest and the bars.

1590
01:42:10.680 --> 01:42:12.560
So they had to shut down the bars again.

1591
01:42:13.040 --> 01:42:19.360
And so anyway, so, so it's not, huh?

1592
01:42:20.880 --> 01:42:22.800
Up here, they're saying it's from the churches.

1593
01:42:23.200 --> 01:42:24.880
So, yeah.

1594
01:42:25.120 --> 01:42:28.920
And so now it's mandatory in West Virginia, we wear a mask if we go into a

1595
01:42:28.920 --> 01:42:32.640
building, which I'm going tomorrow with my father-in-law, we do the good cop, bad

1596
01:42:32.640 --> 01:42:35.600
cop thing for our building permits in the flood zone and stuff.

1597
01:42:36.040 --> 01:42:37.520
Finally got our FEMA letter.

1598
01:42:37.680 --> 01:42:41.400
So we're going tomorrow to Lord willing, pick up our building permits,

1599
01:42:41.400 --> 01:42:42.960
finally finish my house.

1600
01:42:43.720 --> 01:42:46.200
But I'm like, Hey, you got to wear a mask.

1601
01:42:46.200 --> 01:42:48.880
And he's kind of, so I'll see how this goes.

1602
01:42:48.880 --> 01:42:50.160
He hasn't worn one this whole time.

1603
01:42:50.680 --> 01:42:53.120
Yeah, but it's just different.

1604
01:42:53.680 --> 01:42:54.040
Yeah.

1605
01:42:54.280 --> 01:42:55.720
You have mandatory masks too.

1606
01:42:55.720 --> 01:42:57.000
I've been kind of surprised.

1607
01:42:57.280 --> 01:43:00.280
Like when governor Abbott shut down the bars and stuff like that.

1608
01:43:00.320 --> 01:43:00.800
I don't know.

1609
01:43:00.800 --> 01:43:02.280
I was surprised by that.

1610
01:43:02.320 --> 01:43:04.000
I'm a fan of governor.

1611
01:43:06.120 --> 01:43:08.760
He shut down the bars because he reopened them.

1612
01:43:08.760 --> 01:43:11.680
Cause he's like, okay, everybody, you've got all these rules to follow, but the

1613
01:43:11.680 --> 01:43:13.960
bars were full refused to follow the rules.

1614
01:43:14.440 --> 01:43:18.920
And so the problem is that he then had to shut down a lot of stuff, or I say all

1615
01:43:19.240 --> 01:43:21.800
not all, maybe some of the bars did, but not the others.

1616
01:43:21.840 --> 01:43:25.520
And so what I've heard is that the people who were following the

1617
01:43:25.520 --> 01:43:29.720
restrictions were like, Hey, you can open, but you need to like not max out your

1618
01:43:29.720 --> 01:43:31.400
occupancy and you have to do this.

1619
01:43:31.400 --> 01:43:32.120
And you have to do that.

1620
01:43:32.360 --> 01:43:33.560
You follow the regulations.

1621
01:43:33.560 --> 01:43:36.960
So he said there were, there were people that were following regulations and those

1622
01:43:36.960 --> 01:43:39.840
who weren't were causing all the problems.

1623
01:43:40.120 --> 01:43:44.000
And then, but then it, but then you can't like just shut down those people.

1624
01:43:44.000 --> 01:43:46.240
It was like, you have to shut down all of them.

1625
01:43:46.240 --> 01:43:49.480
And so there were, it was frustrating because they're like, well, there's some

1626
01:43:49.480 --> 01:43:54.080
people that are following the rule, but they get hand slapped because of

1627
01:43:54.320 --> 01:43:55.680
other people who weren't following him.

1628
01:43:55.680 --> 01:43:59.920
So that's anyway, that's what's being said of what, of what happened.

1629
01:43:59.920 --> 01:44:03.480
But anyway, so they're trying to reopen things.

1630
01:44:03.840 --> 01:44:09.920
But they're, they're having to be careful about how they do that.

1631
01:44:09.960 --> 01:44:13.840
But anyway, my point mentioning all of that is now that they've had this spike,

1632
01:44:14.040 --> 01:44:19.440
there are some states that I'm having to keep track of that are not accepting

1633
01:44:19.480 --> 01:44:23.560
Texans and that are, that are accepting Texans.

1634
01:44:23.560 --> 01:44:27.720
But once you cross the border, you have to quarantine yourself for 14 days.

1635
01:44:27.800 --> 01:44:33.760
And it's like, like, no, but here's my thought is that if I flew in, they'd know

1636
01:44:33.760 --> 01:44:39.680
who I am, but if I just drive through, they don't know I'm there to stop off at

1637
01:44:39.720 --> 01:44:44.920
all of the racetracks and QTs or, you know, convenience stores along the way,

1638
01:44:44.960 --> 01:44:48.240
go to the bathroom, get my food, go through the drive-throughs, that kind of

1639
01:44:48.240 --> 01:44:50.040
thing, no one will be the wiser.

1640
01:44:50.440 --> 01:44:52.000
But yes, I don't plan.

1641
01:44:52.000 --> 01:44:55.600
I plan to currently avoid New York, Connecticut, New Jersey.

1642
01:44:56.120 --> 01:44:58.640
Those are the people that don't like me right now.

1643
01:44:59.160 --> 01:45:00.000
Oh my gosh.

1644
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:08.360
I don't know what people are thinking, like, how do you get Americans to obey anything,

1645
01:45:08.360 --> 01:45:09.360
let alone Texans?

1646
01:45:09.360 --> 01:45:10.360
Like...

1647
01:45:10.360 --> 01:45:11.360
I know.

1648
01:45:11.360 --> 01:45:12.360
It's not happening.

1649
01:45:12.360 --> 01:45:13.360
Yeah.

1650
01:45:13.360 --> 01:45:14.360
Too red-blooded for that.

1651
01:45:14.360 --> 01:45:15.360
It's not working.

1652
01:45:15.360 --> 01:45:16.360
I know.

1653
01:45:16.360 --> 01:45:17.360
I know.

1654
01:45:17.360 --> 01:45:18.360
It's funny.

1655
01:45:18.360 --> 01:45:19.360
Okay.

1656
01:45:19.360 --> 01:45:20.360
Well, it's good to know.

1657
01:45:20.360 --> 01:45:21.360
How are you?

1658
01:45:21.360 --> 01:45:22.360
Oh, I'm sorry.

1659
01:45:22.360 --> 01:45:23.360
Who?

1660
01:45:23.360 --> 01:45:24.360
Me or Carrie?

1661
01:45:24.360 --> 01:45:25.360
I was gonna ask Carrie how she was.

1662
01:45:25.360 --> 01:45:26.360
What's going on inside your house?

1663
01:45:26.360 --> 01:45:33.960
Oh, it has been such a mess, oh my word.

1664
01:45:33.960 --> 01:45:34.960
It's still...

1665
01:45:34.960 --> 01:45:39.400
I mean, the house we were looking to buy is under contract now, currently, with another

1666
01:45:39.400 --> 01:45:42.400
buyer.

1667
01:45:42.400 --> 01:45:47.080
And I just honestly, like, I never thought, I didn't think it was going to affect me this

1668
01:45:47.080 --> 01:45:48.080
much.

1669
01:45:48.080 --> 01:45:49.080
And I feel like...

1670
01:45:49.080 --> 01:45:53.600
I feel like my whole month has been wasted because I don't know how to go on.

1671
01:45:53.960 --> 01:45:56.960
So I just take one day at a time.

1672
01:45:56.960 --> 01:45:57.960
Yeah.

1673
01:45:57.960 --> 01:45:58.960
I feel like a very pathetic Christian right now.

1674
01:45:58.960 --> 01:45:59.960
No!

1675
01:45:59.960 --> 01:46:00.960
Oh my God.

1676
01:46:00.960 --> 01:46:04.800
I just, like, it's like, how can a house, like, literally ruin your life?

1677
01:46:04.800 --> 01:46:05.800
But it's not.

1678
01:46:05.800 --> 01:46:06.800
I guess it's not the house.

1679
01:46:06.800 --> 01:46:07.800
It's...

1680
01:46:07.800 --> 01:46:08.800
I don't know what.

1681
01:46:08.800 --> 01:46:09.800
Yeah.

1682
01:46:09.800 --> 01:46:10.800
I don't know what it is.

1683
01:46:10.800 --> 01:46:11.800
But no, like, literally, like, I can't...

1684
01:46:11.800 --> 01:46:12.800
Like, it's affecting me physically.

1685
01:46:12.800 --> 01:46:13.800
Like, I can't even be ready for the baby.

1686
01:46:13.800 --> 01:46:14.800
Because I, like...

1687
01:46:14.800 --> 01:46:15.800
That was our house.

1688
01:46:15.800 --> 01:46:16.800
That was where I was going to have the baby.

1689
01:46:16.800 --> 01:46:17.800
And we're, like, a month out.

1690
01:46:17.800 --> 01:46:18.800
And I, like, I don't want to do anything.

1691
01:46:19.800 --> 01:46:20.800
I don't want to nest to, like, nothing.

1692
01:46:20.800 --> 01:46:21.800
And I'm, like...

1693
01:46:21.800 --> 01:46:22.800
I don't know what my problem is.

1694
01:46:22.800 --> 01:46:23.800
Yeah.

1695
01:46:23.800 --> 01:46:24.800
But, yeah.

1696
01:46:24.800 --> 01:46:25.800
I don't know.

1697
01:46:25.800 --> 01:46:26.800
I have not been having good days.

1698
01:46:26.800 --> 01:46:27.800
Today was actually a good day.

1699
01:46:27.800 --> 01:46:28.800
But up until then, it has not been a good day.

1700
01:46:28.800 --> 01:46:29.800
It's been a real battle.

1701
01:46:29.800 --> 01:46:30.800
I'm sorry.

1702
01:46:30.800 --> 01:46:31.800
Yeah.

1703
01:46:31.800 --> 01:46:32.800
So...

1704
01:46:32.800 --> 01:46:33.800
I know.

1705
01:46:33.800 --> 01:46:34.800
And...

1706
01:46:34.800 --> 01:46:35.800
Yeah.

1707
01:46:35.800 --> 01:46:36.800
Yeah.

1708
01:46:36.800 --> 01:46:37.800
Yeah.

1709
01:46:37.800 --> 01:46:38.800
Yeah.

1710
01:46:38.800 --> 01:46:39.800
Yeah.

1711
01:46:39.800 --> 01:46:40.800
Yeah.

1712
01:46:40.800 --> 01:46:41.800
Yeah.

1713
01:46:41.800 --> 01:46:42.800
Yeah.

1714
01:46:42.800 --> 01:46:43.800
Yeah.

1715
01:46:43.800 --> 01:46:44.800
Yeah.

1716
01:46:44.800 --> 01:46:45.800
Yeah.

1717
01:46:45.800 --> 01:46:46.800
Yeah.

1718
01:46:46.800 --> 01:46:47.800
Okay.

1719
01:46:47.800 --> 01:46:48.800
Good.

1720
01:46:48.800 --> 01:46:49.800
I know.

1721
01:46:49.800 --> 01:46:50.800
I know.

1722
01:46:50.800 --> 01:46:51.800
Good.

1723
01:46:51.800 --> 01:46:52.800
Good.

1724
01:46:52.800 --> 01:46:53.800
Good.

1725
01:46:53.800 --> 01:46:54.800
I know.

1726
01:46:54.800 --> 01:46:55.800
I know.

1727
01:46:55.800 --> 01:46:56.800
I know.

1728
01:46:56.800 --> 01:46:57.800
Because you're right.

1729
01:46:57.800 --> 01:46:58.800
It's not...

1730
01:46:58.800 --> 01:46:59.800
It's not ever the house.

1731
01:46:59.800 --> 01:47:00.800
It's not ever the thing.

1732
01:47:00.800 --> 01:47:01.800
It's, like, God...

1733
01:47:01.800 --> 01:47:02.800
It's what it meant.

1734
01:47:02.800 --> 01:47:03.800
Like, God does these things.

1735
01:47:03.800 --> 01:47:04.800
God loves me this much.

1736
01:47:04.800 --> 01:47:05.800
He...

1737
01:47:05.800 --> 01:47:06.800
I would be this safe.

1738
01:47:06.800 --> 01:47:07.800
This house would provide me safety.

1739
01:47:07.800 --> 01:47:08.800
It would provide me comfort.

1740
01:47:08.800 --> 01:47:09.800
It would provide me dreams.

1741
01:47:09.800 --> 01:47:10.800
It would provide me the ideas.

1742
01:47:10.800 --> 01:47:11.800
That it would...

1743
01:47:11.800 --> 01:47:12.800
It would help...

1744
01:47:12.800 --> 01:47:16.600
It would help me to see the person that I've always wanted to be and that I believe that

1745
01:47:16.600 --> 01:47:22.480
I was, the mom that I could be, the wife that I could find, how I could establish it, you

1746
01:47:22.480 --> 01:47:23.480
know?

1747
01:47:23.480 --> 01:47:24.480
You know?

1748
01:47:24.480 --> 01:47:25.960
And, Lord, you were gonna help me do this.

1749
01:47:25.960 --> 01:47:29.280
Why are you setting me up for failure?

1750
01:47:29.280 --> 01:47:30.280
Yeah.

1751
01:47:30.280 --> 01:47:31.280
It's all in what it...

1752
01:47:31.280 --> 01:47:37.200
It's all in what it means because of what we believe about ourselves or what we believe

1753
01:47:37.200 --> 01:47:38.200
about God.

1754
01:47:38.200 --> 01:47:39.480
And so, it's just...

1755
01:47:39.480 --> 01:47:41.760
Have grace for yourself to understand that it's great.

1756
01:47:41.760 --> 01:47:45.400
So, one of the things that I recommend is to...

1757
01:47:45.400 --> 01:47:48.760
How would I word this?

1758
01:47:48.760 --> 01:47:53.880
To release the fact that you feel so bad about feeling bad.

1759
01:47:53.880 --> 01:47:57.000
So, that's the first thing to release.

1760
01:47:57.000 --> 01:47:58.120
It's not...

1761
01:47:58.120 --> 01:48:02.320
Don't worry about the fact that you feel bad.

1762
01:48:02.320 --> 01:48:06.920
Focus on relieving yourself of an understanding you're not under any shame or condemnation

1763
01:48:06.920 --> 01:48:08.520
for feeling bad.

1764
01:48:08.520 --> 01:48:09.520
That's the first thing.

1765
01:48:09.520 --> 01:48:11.480
Because otherwise, it's adding weight upon weight.

1766
01:48:12.200 --> 01:48:13.200
And so, deal with that.

1767
01:48:13.200 --> 01:48:15.200
That's all that I would suggest right now that you deal with.

1768
01:48:15.200 --> 01:48:16.200
There's no shame.

1769
01:48:16.200 --> 01:48:18.600
There's no condemnation for feeling bad.

1770
01:48:18.600 --> 01:48:23.160
And once you realize that there's no shame, that you're not sending in any shame or condemnation,

1771
01:48:23.160 --> 01:48:28.040
it puts you in a better place to be able to interact with God, ask Him questions, ask

1772
01:48:28.040 --> 01:48:29.920
Him, okay, Lord, why?

1773
01:48:29.920 --> 01:48:30.920
You know?

1774
01:48:30.920 --> 01:48:31.920
Can you...

1775
01:48:31.920 --> 01:48:35.560
I don't know what you're gonna answer me, but can you meet me here?

1776
01:48:35.560 --> 01:48:38.160
Can you tell me something?

1777
01:48:38.160 --> 01:48:42.200
You know, even if you can't tell me why it happened, even, you know, tell me something,

1778
01:48:42.200 --> 01:48:45.440
you know, interact with me because I'm feeling abandoned, I'm feeling alone, and I'm feeling

1779
01:48:45.440 --> 01:48:47.200
you did it.

1780
01:48:47.200 --> 01:48:51.120
I walked out where you told me you were gonna be, and you weren't there.

1781
01:48:51.120 --> 01:48:52.120
I went to the tree.

1782
01:48:52.120 --> 01:48:53.120
You called me to the tree.

1783
01:48:53.120 --> 01:48:57.440
I went to the tree to meet you, and I stood there all night, and you didn't come.

1784
01:48:57.440 --> 01:49:01.200
And it puts you in a better position to be able to talk to Him.

1785
01:49:01.200 --> 01:49:04.640
If you understand that you can come to Him with no shame and condemnation.

1786
01:49:04.640 --> 01:49:12.520
Jacob wrestled with God all night, and God gave an entire nation out of it, from that

1787
01:49:12.520 --> 01:49:26.800
place, out of endearment, so it's okay to be where you are.

1788
01:49:26.800 --> 01:49:27.800
Yeah.

1789
01:49:27.800 --> 01:49:30.240
It was, it was really interesting.

1790
01:49:30.240 --> 01:49:37.760
I mean, I've never, like, I've never experienced anything like this, as far as, like, the whole

1791
01:49:37.760 --> 01:49:46.960
spiritual side of it, and it was, like, the week it went under contract, I think it was.

1792
01:49:46.960 --> 01:49:50.440
I had asked the Lord, I was going to bed, and I had just asked the Lord, I said, look,

1793
01:49:50.440 --> 01:49:52.400
I can't handle the unknown.

1794
01:49:52.400 --> 01:49:57.000
I can't handle all these going back and forth between will we get it, will we not, are they

1795
01:49:57.000 --> 01:50:00.040
gonna accept it or not, for all this stuff, and I said, like, will you just show me

1796
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.080
in the spirit, like what's going to happen or what the outcome will be.

1797
01:50:04.080 --> 01:50:07.920
I said, just, if you like, if you can just show me that I'm going to know what

1798
01:50:07.920 --> 01:50:12.320
happened and that night I dreamt that we got the house and they came back to us

1799
01:50:12.320 --> 01:50:17.440
after the contract failed and gave it to us for the price that we had originally

1800
01:50:17.440 --> 01:50:19.600
offered them in cash.

1801
01:50:20.680 --> 01:50:23.640
And then that week it went under contract.

1802
01:50:23.840 --> 01:50:28.000
So I'm like, okay, what am I going to do?

1803
01:50:28.000 --> 01:50:33.720
Like, how do you move on after you feel like you literally have, like, I told

1804
01:50:33.720 --> 01:50:34.960
you, it's going to be your house.

1805
01:50:35.320 --> 01:50:41.520
Then it's like, well, no, maybe I should just like devalue the dream and then

1806
01:50:41.520 --> 01:50:42.280
I'll be fine.

1807
01:50:42.480 --> 01:50:43.120
You know what I mean?

1808
01:50:43.120 --> 01:50:46.600
It's like, if you just talk down the dream and talk down everything, then,

1809
01:50:46.680 --> 01:50:47.400
then you're fine.

1810
01:50:47.400 --> 01:50:50.960
You're like, oh, well, you know, it was just a popcorn dream or something, you

1811
01:50:50.960 --> 01:50:57.160
know, and I never like, and then all of a sudden it's still, yeah, it's still

1812
01:50:57.160 --> 01:50:57.960
under contract.

1813
01:50:57.960 --> 01:51:02.640
And I'm like, yeah, I mean the contract can fall through and we can still move.

1814
01:51:02.640 --> 01:51:03.440
I have no idea.

1815
01:51:03.440 --> 01:51:07.680
And so I feel so stuck because I feel like, well, how do I hold onto the

1816
01:51:07.680 --> 01:51:16.000
promise, but still release it and let it go and try not to like be a psycho

1817
01:51:16.080 --> 01:51:16.800
control freak.

1818
01:51:16.960 --> 01:51:17.760
You know what I mean?

1819
01:51:19.960 --> 01:51:22.200
It's just been really, it's been quite the journey.

1820
01:51:22.880 --> 01:51:26.600
You hold on to the person who made the promise because the whole point of the

1821
01:51:26.600 --> 01:51:35.200
promise is to reveal what he can and will, how he will, how he can try to

1822
01:51:35.200 --> 01:51:36.080
figure out how to say this.

1823
01:51:36.080 --> 01:51:36.280
Sorry.

1824
01:51:36.280 --> 01:51:40.920
There's a lot of things going on in my head, how he desires to manifest himself

1825
01:51:40.920 --> 01:51:41.160
to you.

1826
01:51:41.160 --> 01:51:44.880
And I don't mean like in, like in the house, but he desires, she's like, okay,

1827
01:51:44.880 --> 01:51:46.480
she thinks that house is really big.

1828
01:51:46.520 --> 01:51:50.760
I'm trying to tell her, I will manifest myself to her that big.

1829
01:51:51.160 --> 01:51:51.760
That big.

1830
01:51:52.160 --> 01:51:56.440
And she can trust me for that big and for that much love.

1831
01:51:56.680 --> 01:52:01.880
And so if he made that promise, we let go of the results of the promise, but we

1832
01:52:01.880 --> 01:52:07.480
always hold our, um, meaning that, uh, so it's not that we're, that we're not

1833
01:52:07.480 --> 01:52:08.720
believing that it's going to happen.

1834
01:52:08.720 --> 01:52:12.120
It's that we're focusing on the whole point of the promise anyway, which really

1835
01:52:12.120 --> 01:52:15.640
is that God's saying he's going to come through the promise.

1836
01:52:15.640 --> 01:52:17.200
Isn't the house, the promises.

1837
01:52:17.200 --> 01:52:18.720
This is what I will do for you.

1838
01:52:18.760 --> 01:52:20.280
This is how I will manifest.

1839
01:52:20.280 --> 01:52:21.920
This is how I will operate in your life.

1840
01:52:22.240 --> 01:52:25.160
And this is how I will operate with you in your life in this situation.

1841
01:52:25.640 --> 01:52:31.080
So you focus on the one who made the promise, not on the, um, and you hold

1842
01:52:31.080 --> 01:52:35.280
to that and not to the actual manifestation of the promise.

1843
01:52:35.600 --> 01:52:38.400
So it doesn't mean that the actual manifestation won't happen.

1844
01:52:38.520 --> 01:52:40.520
It's like, what do I hang on to?

1845
01:52:40.520 --> 01:52:41.880
And what do I let go?

1846
01:52:42.280 --> 01:52:46.800
We let go of our, of this idea that we have this right.

1847
01:52:46.800 --> 01:52:52.760
And this stranglehold in which we're now holding God obligated to like, almost

1848
01:52:52.760 --> 01:52:58.840
like we're claiming and in ownership, something that God has, has promised.

1849
01:52:59.280 --> 01:53:02.920
And we're now, and we've now used it as a way to turn against him.

1850
01:53:03.440 --> 01:53:07.440
It's like to hold accusation against him when God's like, no, no, no.

1851
01:53:07.480 --> 01:53:10.600
Hold on to me and watch me do this for you.

1852
01:53:11.560 --> 01:53:15.600
So we have to let go of that in order to be over here with him, as opposed to being

1853
01:53:15.600 --> 01:53:19.280
over here and then he's talking to us when we're over here, we have to guess to

1854
01:53:19.280 --> 01:53:22.560
be hold it, hold it again and go in that journey.

1855
01:53:22.560 --> 01:53:23.080
So.

1856
01:53:23.920 --> 01:53:27.600
Uh, so anyway, as far as like how to let go, you're not letting go of like the

1857
01:53:27.600 --> 01:53:34.280
fact that it's going to happen, but your, but your trust in faith is one who made

1858
01:53:34.280 --> 01:53:40.920
the promise, not in the manifestation because the benefit anyway, because the

1859
01:53:40.920 --> 01:53:44.760
manifestation and the visible is too flimsy a thing.

1860
01:53:44.760 --> 01:53:49.080
It cannot support the power and the authority that a son of God carries.

1861
01:53:49.720 --> 01:53:53.040
Um, it can't support the weight of everything.

1862
01:53:53.040 --> 01:53:56.160
It is that God is that God is doing.

1863
01:53:56.960 --> 01:54:00.960
And so that's one of the reasons why he doesn't want us to latch onto it.

1864
01:54:00.960 --> 01:54:03.160
It's, it's a thing that's supposed to serve us.

1865
01:54:03.640 --> 01:54:09.000
And when we focus on it and kind of like act like a mother hen with a chick or a,

1866
01:54:09.080 --> 01:54:14.040
you know, with a, or with a dragon with an egg or something like that, then we're

1867
01:54:14.040 --> 01:54:14.680
serving it.

1868
01:54:15.440 --> 01:54:17.120
And so like, no, no, no.

1869
01:54:17.120 --> 01:54:21.720
Let me give this to you where you're not in subject or you're not subject to it.

1870
01:54:21.720 --> 01:54:22.800
It is subject to you.

1871
01:54:23.640 --> 01:54:25.920
So he's trying to move us into more and more freedom.

1872
01:54:25.920 --> 01:54:28.640
But anyway, you can ask God about all of that.

1873
01:54:28.640 --> 01:54:32.640
Like I said, just release the shame and condemnation of feeling bad for doing

1874
01:54:32.640 --> 01:54:33.040
that.

1875
01:54:34.080 --> 01:54:36.920
And then allow yourself to be in that place, wrestle with God.

1876
01:54:37.880 --> 01:54:43.360
And, and, um, and he delights in the fact that you don't abandon him when you're,

1877
01:54:43.760 --> 01:54:47.680
when you don't understand and you have accusation and that you bring it to him,

1878
01:54:48.600 --> 01:54:51.560
you know, and then let him kind of work through that with you.

1879
01:54:52.280 --> 01:54:55.400
So, but there's no shame or condemnation in being where you are and struggling.

1880
01:54:55.680 --> 01:54:56.880
Jesus struggled in the garden.

1881
01:54:57.040 --> 01:54:57.480
He sweat.

1882
01:54:57.480 --> 01:54:59.960
He struggled so bad that he sweated drops of blood.

1883
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.000
which is physically possible.

1884
01:55:02.000 --> 01:55:06.160
I read about it once how that happens.

1885
01:55:06.160 --> 01:55:09.200
You're under so much stress that literally the capillaries in

1886
01:55:09.200 --> 01:55:12.760
your skin break and you sweat blood.

1887
01:55:12.760 --> 01:55:20.280
He struggled, Jesus Christ struggled that much in the Garden of Gethsemane.

1888
01:55:20.280 --> 01:55:22.920
If our Jesus can do it and not sin,

1889
01:55:22.920 --> 01:55:27.800
and if Jacob could wrestle with God and the angel blessed him,

1890
01:55:27.800 --> 01:55:32.480
God just doesn't want us to abandon him in the struggle.

1891
01:55:32.480 --> 01:55:35.840
He wants to rescue you in it.

1892
01:55:40.560 --> 01:55:44.520
All right. I will let y'all go.

1893
01:55:44.520 --> 01:55:45.920
Good to see y'all.

1894
01:55:45.920 --> 01:55:47.680
Good to see you.

1895
01:55:47.680 --> 01:55:49.080
Bye.

1896
01:55:49.080 --> 01:55:50.440
Bye.

1897
01:55:50.440 --> 01:55:51.880
See you.