WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.000
I'm going to turn it over to Amy.

2
00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:11.000
Hey Amy!

3
00:00:11.000 --> 00:00:13.000
Hey how are you doing?

4
00:00:13.000 --> 00:00:15.000
Good how are you?

5
00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:19.000
I'm good.

6
00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:24.000
Anybody else on yet?

7
00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:28.000
I'm good.

8
00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:31.000
How are you doing?

9
00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:34.000
I made it on time.

10
00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:38.000
I missed everybody.

11
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:43.000
We didn't have a Zoom call last week.

12
00:00:43.000 --> 00:00:47.000
We did the week before but not the week before that.

13
00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:52.000
I'm trying to remember how many times we've...

14
00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:57.000
I'm trying to remember how many times we've had Zoom calls.

15
00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:02.000
I'm trying to remember how many weeks we've missed recently.

16
00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:06.000
I've been in so many conferences.

17
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:10.000
Would you believe I'm in another conference?

18
00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:14.000
Some people won't be on this call.

19
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:19.000
It's also tonight.

20
00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:23.000
I'm trying to remember how many times we've had Zoom calls.

21
00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:27.000
It's ending tomorrow morning.

22
00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:31.000
Tonight is the last night.

23
00:01:31.000 --> 00:01:35.000
We'll have one more session tomorrow morning.

24
00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:39.000
It's being recorded.

25
00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:43.000
I can watch it after this.

26
00:01:43.000 --> 00:01:46.000
I can't do it again.

27
00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:51.000
I'm trying to remember how many times we've had Zoom calls.

28
00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:55.000
I'm sure there will be times in the future I'll be doing it.

29
00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:58.000
We didn't do it last week.

30
00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:01.000
Anyway.

31
00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:05.000
How is work going?

32
00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:09.000
With your designs and sending that collection?

33
00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:13.000
I got everything submitted at the last moment.

34
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:18.000
It's a few miles away.

35
00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:22.000
He drove me up and we parked right by the cell tower.

36
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:25.000
I could upload these big files.

37
00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:28.000
We got it in.

38
00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:32.000
I haven't got another assignment yet.

39
00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:36.000
I'm going to talk on the phone and go over what I need to do next time.

40
00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:39.000
That's great.

41
00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.000
We were there for about two hours.

42
00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:46.000
It's crazy.

43
00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:49.000
The files are huge.

44
00:02:49.000 --> 00:02:52.000
The designs have to be 20 inches on the smallest side.

45
00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:55.000
I have to layer them up in Photoshop.

46
00:02:55.000 --> 00:02:58.000
They are massive.

47
00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:01.000
There has to be a better way to do this.

48
00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:04.000
I see why people work in a coffee shop now.

49
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:07.000
There were so many people pulling on the Internet.

50
00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:11.000
I'm not sure how fast the Internet is.

51
00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:14.000
It's been a while since I worked in a coffee shop.

52
00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:17.000
I don't remember.

53
00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:20.000
I used to do it more

54
00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.000
when the last time I did that.

55
00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:26.000
I used to do it more

56
00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:29.000
when I worked as a consultant.

57
00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:32.000
When I worked at FedEx,

58
00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:35.000
sometimes I would work remotely.

59
00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:38.000
I would go to a coffee shop.

60
00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:41.000
I'm trying to remember how fast the Internet was.

61
00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:44.000
I'm glad you all live near the Zod Towers.

62
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:47.000
You can get it done faster.

63
00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:50.000
The more there is a will,

64
00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:53.000
there is a way.

65
00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:56.000
Next time that happens,

66
00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:59.000
you all need to do a picnic.

67
00:03:59.000 --> 00:04:02.000
Two of you in the truck.

68
00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:05.000
It's quiet.

69
00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:08.000
We are uninterrupted.

70
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:11.000
That's right.

71
00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.000
He is going to get to the point

72
00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:17.000
where he is going to ask,

73
00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:20.000
do you have any files you need to upload?

74
00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.000
He will be ready for a break.

75
00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:26.000
Especially since he is working from home again.

76
00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:29.000
Can we get out of here?

77
00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:32.000
Is it going good?

78
00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:35.000
It's going really well.

79
00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:38.000
He goes next door to the apartment.

80
00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:41.000
He has his little space to get away and work.

81
00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:44.000
They shut down his office this week.

82
00:04:44.000 --> 00:04:47.000
They split him up again.

83
00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:50.000
Hey Irene,

84
00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:53.000
how are you doing?

85
00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:56.000
How are you doing?

86
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.000
Hi, guys. How are you?

87
00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:06.000
Hey, good to see you.

88
00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:09.000
Good to see you.

89
00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.000
Everybody have a great holiday?

90
00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:12.000
Yeah.

91
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.000
In spite of our limitations.

92
00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:19.000
Yes, I know. Of course, we didn't run into.

93
00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:22.000
We didn't run into any meaning like.

94
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:23.000
I know.

95
00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:24.000
Yep.

96
00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:27.000
Self-imposed ones that families make better than that.

97
00:05:27.000 --> 00:05:37.000
Yeah.

98
00:05:37.000 --> 00:05:39.000
My brother and sister in law,

99
00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:42.000
they weren't here because this is not the year to all get together.

100
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.000
This year it's all get together for Christmas.

101
00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:46.000
And Thanksgiving is with the in-laws.

102
00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:47.000
So, but my sister ended up.

103
00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:50.000
We ended up just scheduling our Thanksgiving for the next day,

104
00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:52.000
which enabled my sister and her family to come.

105
00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:55.000
But at Christmas we'll all be together.

106
00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:57.000
Yeah.

107
00:05:57.000 --> 00:05:58.000
Yeah.

108
00:05:58.000 --> 00:05:59.000
Yeah.

109
00:05:59.000 --> 00:06:00.000
Yeah.

110
00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:01.000
It's a lot on the day.

111
00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:03.000
And everyone does it at their in-laws though.

112
00:06:03.000 --> 00:06:05.000
But anyway, so we didn't run into any limitations.

113
00:06:05.000 --> 00:06:06.000
Did y'all.

114
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:08.000
Some people abroad.

115
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:13.000
No, we don't. No, no, we're all.

116
00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:19.000
We're all in town. I'm the one who travels now.

117
00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:21.000
So they're all in town and all of their,

118
00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:23.000
all of their in-laws are in town, which is really nice.

119
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:25.000
Yeah.

120
00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:26.000
Yeah.

121
00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:27.000
Yeah.

122
00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:28.000
And.

123
00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:31.000
Well, one of them is abroad.

124
00:06:31.000 --> 00:06:32.000
They're missionaries overseas.

125
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:34.000
And then.

126
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:41.000
Yeah.

127
00:06:41.000 --> 00:06:42.000
So anyway, but yeah,

128
00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:45.000
it's very weird for my family because they're used to me being at

129
00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:46.000
every family function.

130
00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:47.000
And so now that I'm the one traveling.

131
00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:52.000
I don't know if Alice is going to be.

132
00:06:53.000 --> 00:06:54.000
I don't know.

133
00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:56.000
So Linda Ordway, you know, in the group.

134
00:06:56.000 --> 00:07:02.000
But those plans changed.

135
00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:05.000
And so I, which meant I got to have Thanksgiving here with my parents.

136
00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:06.000
Oh, one family.

137
00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:07.000
That's good.

138
00:07:07.000 --> 00:07:08.000
Wonderful.

139
00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:11.000
Yeah.

140
00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:15.000
So just checking the time.

141
00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:18.000
Does anyone have anything? I'm trying to see what time it is.

142
00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:19.000
Yeah.

143
00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:24.000
Okay.

144
00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:30.000
Does anyone have anything that they wanted to, any question or.

145
00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:32.000
I don't know anything that's been going on that the Lord's been

146
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:33.000
talking to you about.

147
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:34.000
Even going through.

148
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:39.000
You know what?

149
00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:41.000
I actually was just thinking about a conversation.

150
00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:43.000
I just listened to the session five.

151
00:07:43.000 --> 00:07:45.000
About decision-making. I just, just listen to it.

152
00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:53.000
Yeah.

153
00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:56.000
I think we burden ourselves with trying to make the so-called right

154
00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:59.000
decision instead of focusing on just the whole process and having

155
00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:00.000
peace.

156
00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:02.000
And I remember I haven't followed through.

157
00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:03.000
I haven't done anything with it,

158
00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:06.000
but talking about like moving from one church to another. And I thought.

159
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:09.000
It's good. Now that have knowing that it makes so much sense.

160
00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:10.000
Like we get so.

161
00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:13.000
So much paralysis because you focus on.

162
00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:15.000
You know,

163
00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:20.000
you're not worrying about how you make this decision.

164
00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:22.000
What's going to be outcome and rather than focus on the process.

165
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:23.000
And as long as you do it.

166
00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:24.000
With that.

167
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.000
You know, in line with.

168
00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:34.000
You're in a prompting with God.

169
00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:37.000
Then that's all that matters. And whatever decision we make this,

170
00:08:37.000 --> 00:08:40.000
I mean, you're going to have his grace. And so that's such a good feeling.

171
00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:41.000
Yes, it is. Yeah.

172
00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:45.000
Yeah.

173
00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:48.000
So another way to make decisions, which I've never talked about,

174
00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:49.000
or another.

175
00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:51.000
Factor in making decisions that I've never talked about.

176
00:08:51.000 --> 00:08:57.000
Is is to just kind of.

177
00:08:57.000 --> 00:09:00.000
To, to sit back and I've actually just recently learned this.

178
00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:09.000
From someone I did.

179
00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:14.000
I did some sessions with a trauma counselor a couple of weeks ago,

180
00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:15.000
I guess.

181
00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:19.000
And so trauma isn't just like one particular event that's happened.

182
00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:21.000
That's just horrible. And everyone just think,

183
00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:23.000
and the whole world recognizes, Oh my word, that's trauma.

184
00:09:23.000 --> 00:09:25.000
You know, trauma can just be,

185
00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:29.000
it is just anything that just kind of settles in us that can,

186
00:09:29.000 --> 00:09:30.000
that can create.

187
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:33.000
That can be triggered.

188
00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:35.000
You know, just kind of this trauma and this, this,

189
00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:37.000
this desire that we have to kind of.

190
00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:41.000
Self-preserve.

191
00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:42.000
And so,

192
00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:44.000
so don't think that I've like had a horrible experience or something

193
00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:55.000
somewhere.

194
00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:59.000
But it's just these beliefs that I've had that developed from certain

195
00:09:59.000 --> 00:10:01.000
things that happened or certain things that were said or whatever.

196
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.520
And then I just constantly looked for affirmations after that and kind of feel the world around

197
00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:04.000
And, and sometimes it can just be one event.

198
00:10:05.520 --> 00:10:06.520
it.

199
00:10:06.520 --> 00:10:07.520
Yes.

200
00:10:07.520 --> 00:10:08.520
So anyway, that's my point.

201
00:10:08.520 --> 00:10:12.800
And like, I just wanted to explain the trauma really quick that it's not like as just, it's

202
00:10:12.800 --> 00:10:17.680
not like didn't have to be rape or physical abuse or something like that in order to actually

203
00:10:17.680 --> 00:10:18.680
be trauma.

204
00:10:18.680 --> 00:10:24.320
Our body categorizes it the same as if someone's been raped or someone's been whatever.

205
00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:31.960
So point is, so I was doing a session with trauma counselor and she was having me do

206
00:10:31.960 --> 00:10:44.880
something where it's basically doing, it's kind of taking someone into a place of rest

207
00:10:44.880 --> 00:10:53.600
sort of, and from that place, you just watch, you just let your brain just go.

208
00:10:53.600 --> 00:10:57.600
You start thinking about something and then you just, and then you just kind of feed on

209
00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:01.200
it and you just let your brain go, but you don't.

210
00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:06.120
And you, and the important thing, and here's the, here's the key ingredient and everything

211
00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:12.120
is you don't judge whatever it is that you're seeing, whatever it is that, that your brain

212
00:11:12.120 --> 00:11:15.280
is reminding you of, it's reminding you of a memory.

213
00:11:15.280 --> 00:11:16.480
So you just take that memory.

214
00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:18.040
You think, okay, what do I think about this?

215
00:11:18.040 --> 00:11:19.040
Oh my goodness.

216
00:11:19.040 --> 00:11:20.960
Well, I'm feeling, I'm feeling panicked.

217
00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:23.240
Like, okay, that's okay.

218
00:11:23.240 --> 00:11:24.240
Just sit there.

219
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:25.240
Just recognize the fact.

220
00:11:25.240 --> 00:11:26.240
Why are you panicked?

221
00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:27.240
Well, I'm panicked because I'm fearful.

222
00:11:27.240 --> 00:11:28.240
Okay.

223
00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:31.320
Just sit there with the fear and let yourself be okay.

224
00:11:31.320 --> 00:11:33.400
Let yourself be okay being afraid.

225
00:11:33.400 --> 00:11:38.960
So in other words, it's teaching us the whole point of the exercise is to teach us how to

226
00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:44.240
stop judging ourselves and condemning ourselves because as we do that, we have a difficult

227
00:11:44.240 --> 00:11:50.520
time actually coming to a conclusion and figuring, figuring our way out of something.

228
00:11:50.520 --> 00:11:57.320
So if we don't judge it, we more readily are able to, to just observe what's going

229
00:11:57.320 --> 00:12:02.920
on and our brain will naturally, our brain meaning like what it is that we really believe

230
00:12:02.920 --> 00:12:08.720
and what it is that we really know will eventually over time, walk us out of there because we

231
00:12:08.720 --> 00:12:14.160
stop judging it, condemning it, squishing it down, stifling it, or allowing it to overcome

232
00:12:14.160 --> 00:12:16.120
us out of fear or whatever.

233
00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:20.360
So, um, and anyway, that's another, that's another thing.

234
00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:23.520
I've never applied it quite well.

235
00:12:23.520 --> 00:12:29.560
I have applied it towards trauma, but just not as extensive and as deep as she took me.

236
00:12:29.560 --> 00:12:33.600
I've done it on myself through things that I've learned and this was long before I ever

237
00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:40.080
started the rest intensive, so I haven't ever talked about it, but, um, you, it's very important

238
00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:45.560
that, uh, like I said, the key ingredient in it is to not judge, not to judge what it

239
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:49.400
is that we're observing about what it is that we think or we feel.

240
00:12:49.400 --> 00:12:55.160
My point is that eventually brings clarity because if we stop all of the emotions, if

241
00:12:55.160 --> 00:13:00.480
we stop all of the thought patterns of why I always tend to go in this direction and

242
00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:05.880
why I need to think about someone's feelings and well, what happened last time and if we,

243
00:13:05.880 --> 00:13:11.120
if we just, if we just watch ourselves kind of observe our memories and watch how we feel

244
00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:16.480
about him and allow ourselves to just, to just sit there with it and then to acknowledge

245
00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:20.920
it and kind of, um, allow it to have a voice, which is what we talked about, you know, with

246
00:13:20.920 --> 00:13:25.640
the decisions about letting your soul have its voice and then listening to the spirit

247
00:13:25.640 --> 00:13:27.520
talk and letting the spirit have its voice.

248
00:13:27.520 --> 00:13:32.240
So it's letting your soul with all of its fear, all of its anxiety or all of its stress

249
00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:35.720
or whatever, in a particular moment when you're remembering something or when you're thinking

250
00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:39.480
about what decision you should or shouldn't make, because, oh my goodness, what could

251
00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:43.040
or couldn't happen is to just sit with that.

252
00:13:43.040 --> 00:13:46.240
And then without judgment, just observe it.

253
00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:52.720
And eventually, because we don't have the, because we're acknowledging the emotions and

254
00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:57.840
we're allowing ourselves to just be, we can eventually know what it is that we really

255
00:13:57.840 --> 00:14:00.360
believe and what it is we really want to do.

256
00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:03.960
And really what the decision that we want to make is.

257
00:14:03.960 --> 00:14:08.480
In other words, we come to kind of know ourselves because we're allowing all parts of ourselves

258
00:14:08.480 --> 00:14:13.720
to have it say, and then we figure out, okay, which part of myself, because it's all trying

259
00:14:13.720 --> 00:14:18.960
to protect me, all of it is, which part of myself do I want to acknowledge and thank

260
00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:27.520
it for, you know, so to speak for trying to protect me while, which direction do I, uh,

261
00:14:27.520 --> 00:14:32.960
what does it, what emotion do and, um, beliefs do I actually want to act on, which can be

262
00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:37.040
very different than the fear that I just wanted to acknowledge and let it have its say.

263
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:41.440
You know, telling, Hey, look, I understand you're trying to protect me and you're here

264
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:43.200
and I accept you and you're fine.

265
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:45.360
I don't, I don't condemn you or anything.

266
00:14:45.360 --> 00:14:47.280
I don't condemn that part of myself.

267
00:14:47.280 --> 00:14:47.600
It's okay.

268
00:14:48.560 --> 00:14:54.400
Then though, is that the, is that the, is it fear on which I want to base my decision

269
00:14:54.400 --> 00:14:58.560
or is it on these other parts of me that actually want to make a different decision?

270
00:14:58.560 --> 00:14:59.920
Which direction do I want my.

271
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.280
life to go? How do I want to handle this difficult relationship with so and so? You know, should or

272
00:15:05.280 --> 00:15:10.160
shouldn't I go to Thanksgiving dinner, you know, whatever. So that's another way of making decisions

273
00:15:10.160 --> 00:15:14.480
like what you said, allowing each of our parts to have their voice, the soul and the spirit and

274
00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:21.760
making sure that we don't judge. It's when we judge and we're not, and judge meaning, you know,

275
00:15:21.760 --> 00:15:28.560
we, what I meant by judge was when we actually condense something, then we can't really figure

276
00:15:28.560 --> 00:15:33.600
out what it is that we actually really want deep down and what we already know we want to do.

277
00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:38.000
We just keep trying to talk ourselves out of and think, well, no, maybe that's not the right

278
00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:43.440
decision. Then we get all very confused when, if we stop and think about it, we really do already

279
00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:48.960
know what it is we want to do. What is the wisest decision, especially when you let the soul have

280
00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:54.800
it say, and then listen to what, where your spirit has peace, where your spirit is indicating that

281
00:15:55.760 --> 00:16:04.160
that your faith has built to by that point. So anyway, yeah, that's really good. I'm glad

282
00:16:04.160 --> 00:16:08.000
that that was helpful. That's actually really interesting. I never thought to give

283
00:16:08.560 --> 00:16:12.800
feelings, especially uncomfortable. It's like a voice almost treated as though that's another

284
00:16:12.800 --> 00:16:18.400
person that's speaking and just acknowledging because sometimes it's so much easier to try

285
00:16:18.400 --> 00:16:23.200
and like wish away a feeling, but yet you'll make the decision. And actually probably what's driving

286
00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:29.520
your decision is the fear or this, the fear you have, or perhaps you decide not to make a decision

287
00:16:30.400 --> 00:16:35.280
in the direction of for, against, or the right decision. So just having that,

288
00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:40.720
give it a voice and actually acknowledging because the very thing you're, you're not

289
00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:44.720
acknowledging is actually what's going to drive your behavior. So you might as well bring in the

290
00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:50.080
forefront, acknowledge its presence, you know? Yes. And I noticed that my feelings quiet down

291
00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:55.280
once they've been heard once they felt that I acknowledged them and realized their importance.

292
00:16:55.280 --> 00:17:00.400
In other words, the fact that they were there because I felt that it was needed to protect me,

293
00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:06.160
then they can call, they can calm down. They're just like, okay, I've been seen, I've been heard,

294
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:11.280
you know, I'm here and you don't, you don't, you don't ignore me, squelch me,

295
00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:14.960
condemn me and think that I'm bad and I'm wrong. And all of that. It's just like,

296
00:17:15.760 --> 00:17:22.720
and it, it, I've noticed that it really quiets them down. If they're just, if, if I allow those

297
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:30.000
parts of me to, to voice themselves. As you said that, I think I just had felt,

298
00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:36.640
you said something in my mind, your ability to be able to technology and acknowledge and

299
00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:42.640
acknowledge that. I think I can imagine being able to do that and how that make me less judgmental

300
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:48.160
towards others. When I see sometimes, sometimes I find I'm judgmental about things that perhaps I

301
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:52.560
don't like about myself. Those are the very things triggers that things that people do,

302
00:17:52.560 --> 00:17:57.120
like a very things that I hate Obama. And it's like, I'll look, yeah, you do that,

303
00:17:57.120 --> 00:18:02.960
but I'm kind of projecting that hate on someone else. And if I'm able to do that for myself,

304
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:06.160
the chances are I'm able to do that with other people and give them grace.

305
00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:11.200
Yes. Yeah. That's, that's perfect. Yeah. That's, that's exactly right. Our,

306
00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:20.240
our thoughts about other people are a mirror, our mirror thoughts of ourselves. What it is that we

307
00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:24.640
judge about other people is what it is that we're judging about ourselves that we can't,

308
00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:29.600
that we're struggling so hard to meet that particular standard in our own lives. And,

309
00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:37.760
and maybe have already done it, but we're worked hard. We worked hard of our own effort to get

310
00:18:37.760 --> 00:18:42.880
there. And so therefore, if we see somebody else who's not working hard, in other words,

311
00:18:42.880 --> 00:18:49.200
strife and all of that, well, then we condemn them. So yeah, our, our judgments of others

312
00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:56.080
reveal the standards, the very harsh standards to which we hold ourselves. So yeah, it's near.

313
00:18:56.240 --> 00:18:59.360
Yeah. Oh, great. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

314
00:19:01.120 --> 00:19:08.160
Does anyone have anything else they were thinking about?

315
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:18.240
Oh, let me see why y'all are thinking. I can think something been talking people about.

316
00:19:21.840 --> 00:19:26.240
Oh my goodness. What have I been talking about this week? People.

317
00:19:26.800 --> 00:19:36.320
I just have a thought. Yeah. I'm kind of trying to, I, I'm kind of still, I have to say, I'm

318
00:19:36.320 --> 00:19:43.520
rather early in the process of working through the sessions, but I'm trying to, I'm trying to

319
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:51.360
think. I just have a thought. Yeah. I'm kind of trying to, I, I'm kind of still, I have to say,

320
00:19:51.360 --> 00:19:58.560
I'm rather early in the process of working through the sessions. But one of the things I was wondering,

321
00:19:58.560 --> 00:19:58.960
like I,

322
00:20:00.320 --> 00:20:02.600
I've actually realized one of the things

323
00:20:02.600 --> 00:20:04.300
as I was thinking about rest,

324
00:20:04.300 --> 00:20:07.360
I realized I needed to learn more about rest

325
00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:10.440
because as somebody who leans more towards

326
00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:11.960
being like a type A personality,

327
00:20:11.960 --> 00:20:13.440
I want things done, I want things done.

328
00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:14.960
I want to be in control.

329
00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:21.720
And I try to figure out how to explain the whole thing

330
00:20:23.280 --> 00:20:26.640
of saying like, what's the concept of being a rest?

331
00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:30.560
And I just try, I'm kind of grappling with that whole idea

332
00:20:30.560 --> 00:20:34.840
and trying to figure out how over time,

333
00:20:34.840 --> 00:20:37.800
one of the things I began to realize,

334
00:20:37.800 --> 00:20:39.480
and it's sort of like tying into what you're saying,

335
00:20:39.480 --> 00:20:40.480
I'm kind of all over the place.

336
00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:43.520
Please bear with me, corraling my thoughts.

337
00:20:43.520 --> 00:20:44.760
You're fine.

338
00:20:44.760 --> 00:20:46.640
So one of the things I began to realize

339
00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:50.160
because of my tendency to want to have things happen

340
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:55.160
right away, what sometimes happens is that

341
00:20:55.760 --> 00:21:00.760
I am in the process of trying to hurry through everything.

342
00:21:02.040 --> 00:21:06.040
I think I'm so caught up with trying to do the thing

343
00:21:06.040 --> 00:21:08.320
that I kind of missed the point

344
00:21:08.320 --> 00:21:11.320
to be able to take breathers to actually exhale.

345
00:21:11.320 --> 00:21:13.040
Like there's this book I came across.

346
00:21:13.040 --> 00:21:14.120
Yesterday I was looking,

347
00:21:14.120 --> 00:21:15.880
trying to figure out how to explain the cost,

348
00:21:15.880 --> 00:21:18.880
the concept of rest, working at rest.

349
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:23.240
It's almost like contradictory to be resting and working.

350
00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:25.320
Like the two stones seem as though they go together.

351
00:21:25.320 --> 00:21:27.800
So I thought I'll look up something

352
00:21:27.800 --> 00:21:30.480
and I saw something about the hurried life.

353
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:32.920
And it was kind of interesting to see the perspective

354
00:21:32.920 --> 00:21:34.680
about this person talking about

355
00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:37.800
how we're all kind of going through this process

356
00:21:37.800 --> 00:21:40.880
of we want to get results right away.

357
00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:42.320
And how, because everything,

358
00:21:42.320 --> 00:21:44.240
we have so much efficiency in our lives.

359
00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:45.440
We have so many shortcuts.

360
00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:49.440
We have so many hacks and things like that over time.

361
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:50.840
It's hard to be in the place

362
00:21:50.840 --> 00:21:53.280
where you just take things one thing at a time

363
00:21:53.280 --> 00:21:54.240
and not feel as though,

364
00:21:54.240 --> 00:21:56.080
like if you're doing 20 things,

365
00:21:56.080 --> 00:21:57.320
why you're really efficient

366
00:21:57.320 --> 00:22:00.200
versus coming from the place you're saying

367
00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:02.800
to be in a place where you don't feel hurried and take time.

368
00:22:02.800 --> 00:22:04.040
And I like like what this,

369
00:22:04.040 --> 00:22:06.200
I forget who the author was saying about,

370
00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:09.200
Jesus started his ministry at age 30.

371
00:22:10.080 --> 00:22:12.760
And how like in three years he got so much done.

372
00:22:12.760 --> 00:22:15.440
So for him to be able to got so much done,

373
00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:17.000
if he was like, oh, I've got to do this.

374
00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:17.840
I've got to do that.

375
00:22:17.840 --> 00:22:18.960
And he's trying to multitask.

376
00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:21.280
He'd probably not be able to be that effective.

377
00:22:21.280 --> 00:22:23.240
And in his ministry,

378
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:26.920
I know he was saying that one of the things

379
00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:27.880
that was really beautiful,

380
00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:29.200
in spite of what she was doing,

381
00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:32.800
he was teaching his disciples how to take it easy.

382
00:22:32.800 --> 00:22:35.720
Like, I remember like, where were they?

383
00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:38.480
There was a lot of people at a church,

384
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:39.560
like there's a gathering.

385
00:22:39.560 --> 00:22:40.800
And then this one woman,

386
00:22:40.800 --> 00:22:43.960
the woman with a blood issue touches his garment.

387
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:45.680
And then he says, somebody touched me.

388
00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:47.840
And the disciples are like, so many people touched you.

389
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:49.720
There's so many people around.

390
00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:51.680
And just to have that level,

391
00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:54.680
to figure out how to strike the balance,

392
00:22:54.680 --> 00:22:59.680
to have that level of awareness

393
00:23:00.120 --> 00:23:02.160
and being aware of what's happening around you,

394
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:03.680
but yet still get to do,

395
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:05.560
like for me, that's such a difficult thing.

396
00:23:05.560 --> 00:23:08.120
Like I find right now, I don't like to talk on the phone.

397
00:23:08.120 --> 00:23:10.520
I think because I don't talk to people on the phone,

398
00:23:10.520 --> 00:23:14.840
I end up living in my own sort of like cubicle or something.

399
00:23:14.840 --> 00:23:16.840
I'm over here, but I'm thinking about,

400
00:23:16.840 --> 00:23:17.680
I need to call somebody.

401
00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:18.800
I'm like, oh, that's going to take too much.

402
00:23:18.800 --> 00:23:20.720
I'm going to be on the phone for the hour.

403
00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:23.280
So just be able to be able to do what you want to do,

404
00:23:23.280 --> 00:23:25.040
be efficient, but yet at the same time,

405
00:23:25.040 --> 00:23:28.960
take time to actually really have conversations with people.

406
00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:31.040
I haven't figured how to do that for myself

407
00:23:31.040 --> 00:23:34.080
because I feel to some degree, I feel I live a hurried life.

408
00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:39.120
And I'm kind of like half of my life is gone.

409
00:23:39.120 --> 00:23:40.600
I only have X amount of time,

410
00:23:40.600 --> 00:23:42.840
but yet like to kind of silence that part of me

411
00:23:42.840 --> 00:23:44.240
to be realizing, oh my gosh,

412
00:23:45.120 --> 00:23:48.000
I'm in like midlife, no much time left.

413
00:23:49.120 --> 00:23:51.320
How can I not keep that in mind to get,

414
00:23:51.320 --> 00:23:54.040
be efficient and make sure in the end of my life,

415
00:23:54.040 --> 00:23:56.080
hopefully when I take my last breath,

416
00:23:56.080 --> 00:24:01.080
I've done whatever this race was, I've run the race well,

417
00:24:01.960 --> 00:24:02.920
but yet at the same time,

418
00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:05.320
take time to really talk to people and engage.

419
00:24:05.320 --> 00:24:09.160
And I struggle with how to strike that balance.

420
00:24:09.160 --> 00:24:13.560
Yeah, first of all, hey, Lori, good to see you.

421
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:16.400
And baby Felicity.

422
00:24:17.800 --> 00:24:22.800
So, okay, so I'll, I believe that you're wondering,

423
00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:28.800
trying to determine like what rest is exactly, right?

424
00:24:28.800 --> 00:24:29.640
Is that correct?

425
00:24:29.640 --> 00:24:31.160
Okay, so rest is a good point.

426
00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:34.280
So rest is not inactivity.

427
00:24:34.280 --> 00:24:38.000
Rest is actually, rest is a place.

428
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:43.000
And in that place, it's understanding that we don't strive.

429
00:24:44.560 --> 00:24:49.560
It's understanding that our energy source

430
00:24:50.600 --> 00:24:53.600
that fuels everything that we do

431
00:24:53.600 --> 00:24:56.160
comes from our relationship with God,

432
00:24:57.000 --> 00:25:00.200
not from an amount of.

433
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.160
effort that we're exerting to try to create something. So if you, this might make a lot

434
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:12.400
more sense when you watch, I think it's the next session, which is, I think it's the next one,

435
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:15.600
either that or it's the one after that. The one about two trees.

436
00:25:17.600 --> 00:25:22.640
I saw the one part that was one God and I think the phone was two trees. I saw those headings.

437
00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:29.760
Okay, yeah. So the one two, two down from the one you're on is the one about two trees. So that'll

438
00:25:29.760 --> 00:25:34.560
make a little more sense. Well, it'll make a lot more sense in the, in the fact that it's the

439
00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:39.200
difference between operating, understand, you know, the operating according to the tree of life,

440
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:46.080
meaning out of relationship with the Lord, we're unified with the Lord and he through spirit,

441
00:25:46.080 --> 00:25:55.440
his spirit joined with our spirit is, is the source of all life is, is spirit. It's his spirit

442
00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:01.760
that gives life to our spirit. And then together we, we can do things. We can fuel things

443
00:26:01.760 --> 00:26:08.160
effortlessly without, without an exerting our own energy. So doing it from the tree of the

444
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:14.480
knowledge of good and evil is where we believe that no God's abandoned me. I'm alone. I'm

445
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:20.800
separated from him. I'm isolated. And so because I'm abandoned alone and isolated, then I'm,

446
00:26:20.800 --> 00:26:26.480
then how do I please the Lord? How do I do a good job? How do I provide for myself,

447
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:31.680
how to protect myself? Cause God did all those things. When I understood I was unified with him,

448
00:26:31.680 --> 00:26:37.680
he was my provision. He was my protection. He identified me. He, he was made me feel loved.

449
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:43.360
He made me feel liked, made me feel comforted, all of that. So doing it, you know, according

450
00:26:43.360 --> 00:26:48.800
to the tree of the knowledge, good and evil. If we operate like that, it's where we literally

451
00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:54.480
know the difference between good and evil. It's the knowledge of good and evil. In other words,

452
00:26:54.480 --> 00:26:59.040
instead of just operating out of life and relationship, we're operating according to

453
00:26:59.040 --> 00:27:04.960
a list of do's and don'ts such and such as good, such and such as good sessions. That's good. I

454
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:12.240
will do these things. I will exert effort and meet these standards. I will get such and such a job

455
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:17.920
in order to make X amount of money. I have to do follow these formulas and these strategies and

456
00:27:17.920 --> 00:27:23.520
I have to execute, execute, execute. I have to, I have to operate according to this strategy,

457
00:27:23.520 --> 00:27:30.560
et cetera. And I need to make sure, so I don't hurt myself. So I don't bring bad things in my

458
00:27:30.560 --> 00:27:38.560
life. I need to not do these things. I need to not do drugs. I need to not get, I don't know,

459
00:27:38.560 --> 00:27:44.160
maybe it's sent for some people. It would be things like I need to not be lazy. In other words,

460
00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:49.280
I need to not, not have a job. I need to, you know, just whatever, whatever we've determined

461
00:27:49.280 --> 00:27:55.040
is good. And we determined as evil. And so we're constantly having to analyze everything. Okay.

462
00:27:55.040 --> 00:28:01.600
What's good. What's evil. What? Okay. I need to exert a whole bunch of effort to make sure that

463
00:28:01.600 --> 00:28:05.680
I try to do all these good things and try to remember to do all these good things and try to

464
00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:10.320
remember and be careful of and watch out for all of these evil things that I can just fall into,

465
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:17.040
you know, and it's a lot of work and we're having to drum all of that up. But if we operate

466
00:28:17.040 --> 00:28:21.360
according to our relationship with the Lord, if we're just, if we're unified with him, if we,

467
00:28:21.360 --> 00:28:26.480
if we, cause we're, we're unified with him. But my, my point is if we're conscious of the fact

468
00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:33.440
that we're unified with him and we exert, um, we interact with the world from this place,

469
00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:39.680
which is from a place of rest. So the place of rest means in God, unified with God, one with

470
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:45.920
God, that's the place of rest. There's this stillness. There's this peace. There's this

471
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:54.160
resting. There's this sitting. We no longer have to exert, um, uh, energy, so to speak from this

472
00:28:54.160 --> 00:29:00.800
place. And, um, and then we can do everything from here and being in relationship with him,

473
00:29:01.440 --> 00:29:07.840
God, we ought, we act and look just like him and God's always good. So we no longer have to

474
00:29:07.840 --> 00:29:12.080
try to be good and try to memorize all these things that are good and memorize all these

475
00:29:12.080 --> 00:29:17.280
things are evil so that we can do the good and avoid the evil. It's all effortless. We just act

476
00:29:17.280 --> 00:29:21.680
like God. We just look like God. We do it, do everything that, you know, like Jesus said, he

477
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:27.760
said, um, I don't do anything. I don't see the father doing. We just, whatever we see the father

478
00:29:27.760 --> 00:29:32.560
doing, whatever we see him saying, whatever he guides us to say, you know, whatever, just wherever

479
00:29:32.560 --> 00:29:40.320
our decisions, um, uh, are revealing a sense of peace. We just operate like that. It's effortless.

480
00:29:40.320 --> 00:29:44.880
We're not no longer having to strive and figure things out. And okay, Lord, I'm going to please

481
00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:48.240
you. I promise. I'm going to get the test right this time. I'm going to do it. I promise you,

482
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:54.560
you know, but we've turned away from the Lord to do it. And so that's the difference, um, between

483
00:29:54.560 --> 00:29:59.520
operating from strife and operating according to the tree of the knowledge of the evil, where we're

484
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:13.000
We think we have to provide for and protect ourselves, as opposed to just resting in our identity in God and believing that he's going to be our provision, he's going to be our protection, he identifies us.

485
00:30:13.000 --> 00:30:26.000
That's the difference. So, it's not inactivity. In fact, you'll find either even people in this group that talk about the fact that once they realize what it meant to shift into rest, and then they shifted into it and then they operate like that,

486
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:41.000
they get so much more done with less exertion. They get so much more done in their day, and they're less tired. And they're like, how did I get all of this stuff done? Because they stopped doing it like this, thinking it was all up to them,

487
00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:49.000
and thinking that they had to do all of the good and avoid all of the evil because God was going to come and he was going to be a hard task master.

488
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:57.000
And, and they just had to be ready. You know, they had to be ready to so that they get a good mark on their scorecard.

489
00:30:57.000 --> 00:31:08.000
And God's like, no, I just want you to operate out of relationship with me. And so when we do that, all of a sudden we find that the things that used to be a burden to do over here are now a joy.

490
00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:25.000
So there are people, for instance, there are various clients that I've worked with, and then, you know, in this group and outside of this group that found work to be a drudgery until they begin to operate out of rest.

491
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:38.000
They came to me because they're like, Ashley, I don't even know that I want to do this anymore. I don't like meaning like they didn't know if they want to do that business anymore. I don't know if I want it for my work anymore. I don't know if I want it for my business.

492
00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:50.000
And then when they started to operate out of rest, all of a sudden they rediscovered why they loved what it is that they chose to do. Like, I like it now because it's no longer a burden. It's no longer a weight.

493
00:31:50.000 --> 00:32:04.000
They said, I can just do it effortlessly. I can do it out of who it is that I am, who it is that God made me to be. And now it's fun. Now I actually enjoy what I've chosen to do for a living. And yes, I want to keep it. There are others that have changed what they do.

494
00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:21.000
Because of going through the rest intensive and they realized, you know what, I like this, but I don't like these things. So I'm going to get rid of these things and I'm just going to do this. Or they're like, I don't like any of what it is that I'm doing. I'm going to scrap it and do this other thing.

495
00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:39.000
And they finally had the courage to follow the thing that they've always loved to do because they began to realize that when we operate in rest, it brings clarity. We suddenly discover, oh, this is who I am. This is what I like to do. We rediscover our love for things.

496
00:32:39.000 --> 00:33:02.000
Because now that, now that we, now that our actions, and this is my point, now that our actions and our activity no longer bear the responsibility and the burden of creating a result, because instead, God's going to create the result. God's going to provide for and protect us. We're not operating by striving where we have to make it happen.

497
00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:20.000
Now that our activities no longer have to bear the burden and the weight and the responsibility of creating a result, it's now fun. Because it's not, because the result doesn't rely on my effort. It relies on the Lord.

498
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:25.000
So it's a huge, huge shift.

499
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:27.000
Huge.

500
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:40.000
But you will find that you are either going to continue to love this stuff that you do, and you're going to love to do it more because now it doesn't bear it. You don't go to work thinking, oh my word, all the weight and the responsibility of making the paycheck is on me.

501
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:51.000
No, no, no. I've got that. I want you to just operate out of your spirit and enjoy living, enjoy being, enjoy being, enjoy, you know, existing.

502
00:33:52.000 --> 00:34:13.000
And, and then you'll find that you enjoy your business activities, or you'll discover, oh, this actually doesn't resonate with who it is that God made me to be. And you will go on a journey with the Lord to discover, oh my word, there's this other thing, actually, that is in my heart that I'd like to, that my spirit would like to operate out of.

503
00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:18.000
So, I now have the courage to start pursuing that.

504
00:34:19.000 --> 00:34:32.000
That's so interesting because I sometimes just hearing you talk, I'm hearing when you talk about the Tree of Life, I'm hearing Old Covenant, and even though we're under the New Covenant, we're still in a lot of ways operating by default on the Old Covenant.

505
00:34:33.000 --> 00:34:50.000
It's being very legalistic and all that. And I love what you say about the latter part, because if I'm doing that, this is the part I struggle. I try to do too many things, and I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to just focus on doing and let God worry about the outcomes.

506
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:59.000
Because for me, it's almost like what a child does. The child plays, the child doesn't worry about crayons, the child doesn't try to create something like Picasso.

507
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.480
else's joy because that's what child's compelled feeling wanting to do.

508
00:35:05.040 --> 00:35:07.920
And what a wonderful way to be able to operate.

509
00:35:08.680 --> 00:35:09.160
Yeah.

510
00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:09.640
Yeah.

511
00:35:09.640 --> 00:35:13.560
So, like I said, it's not inactivity and it doesn't mean that we don't have jobs.

512
00:35:13.920 --> 00:35:19.520
It means that what a job it it's just that what a job means changes in our mind.

513
00:35:19.720 --> 00:35:23.680
It's a way for our spirit to, to bring heaven into earth.

514
00:35:24.560 --> 00:35:25.440
And we enjoy that.

515
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:26.920
We enjoy being ourselves.

516
00:35:27.040 --> 00:35:31.680
Our issue is we put ourselves aside thinking that we couldn't afford to be

517
00:35:31.680 --> 00:35:35.000
ourselves because we had to do these things.

518
00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:36.800
We had to create a results.

519
00:35:37.200 --> 00:35:37.600
Exactly.

520
00:35:37.800 --> 00:35:41.520
But the Lord actually wants to operate out of who it is that we are.

521
00:35:42.160 --> 00:35:45.360
And then he's going to create the, he's going to create the result.

522
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:49.360
He has a purpose for that and the world will miss it.

523
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:51.120
If, if we don't operate like that.

524
00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:54.560
So thank you.

525
00:35:55.160 --> 00:35:56.040
You're welcome.

526
00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:58.680
Hey, Carrie.

527
00:35:58.680 --> 00:35:59.520
How are you?

528
00:36:02.560 --> 00:36:04.360
Hey, I'm doing good.

529
00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:06.120
It's so good to be on here.

530
00:36:08.200 --> 00:36:10.760
I'm not pregnant.

531
00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:12.360
I know.

532
00:36:13.040 --> 00:36:14.040
I don't know what you look like.

533
00:36:14.040 --> 00:36:14.600
Not pregnant.

534
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:19.280
Remember, I think you were pregnant.

535
00:36:19.480 --> 00:36:20.520
Were you pregnant in April?

536
00:36:20.760 --> 00:36:21.440
Yeah, you were.

537
00:36:21.600 --> 00:36:21.840
Yeah.

538
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:25.560
I'm trying to, I'm trying to count like how many months that is back from when you

539
00:36:26.120 --> 00:36:26.360
Yeah.

540
00:36:26.360 --> 00:36:27.960
Like six months pregnant in April.

541
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:29.320
How are you?

542
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:29.800
Oh, wow.

543
00:36:29.800 --> 00:36:31.480
I don't remember being that far along.

544
00:36:31.800 --> 00:36:33.400
He's like four months old already.

545
00:36:33.480 --> 00:36:34.680
I can't, I can't believe it.

546
00:36:34.880 --> 00:36:40.720
And we're, we're just now at the place to where he, like, he's getting to bed and

547
00:36:40.720 --> 00:36:43.920
I'm like, I can have one year without nursing.

548
00:36:44.840 --> 00:36:46.800
So like, I'm not going to miss this opportunity.

549
00:36:47.680 --> 00:36:48.880
I'm glad you did.

550
00:36:48.920 --> 00:36:49.600
I'm glad you did.

551
00:36:49.600 --> 00:36:53.480
We, we obviously didn't meet last week for Thanksgiving, but we met the week

552
00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:56.600
before, but we didn't the week before because I had a conference.

553
00:36:56.600 --> 00:36:58.120
I've been having lots of conferences lately.

554
00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:03.200
I was telling them I have a conference tonight, but I'm missing it in order to

555
00:37:03.200 --> 00:37:07.800
do this because I was just like, I can't say one more time.

556
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:13.040
Are you in, are you, are you still in Houston or where are you at by now?

557
00:37:13.400 --> 00:37:15.040
No, I am in Arlington now.

558
00:37:15.400 --> 00:37:16.160
You're in Arlington.

559
00:37:16.200 --> 00:37:16.600
Okay.

560
00:37:16.600 --> 00:37:17.680
I've been here since Thanksgiving.

561
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:19.480
I was in Houston for three weeks.

562
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:21.360
So yeah.

563
00:37:21.520 --> 00:37:26.400
You're still traveling, like kind of wherever you're to and fro and yeah.

564
00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:27.480
Wow.

565
00:37:27.520 --> 00:37:28.160
I am.

566
00:37:28.200 --> 00:37:30.680
So I guess I haven't caught y'all up on that.

567
00:37:30.680 --> 00:37:31.240
Let's see.

568
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:38.200
Um, so total, um, like if you count since August, I was in Baton Rouge,

569
00:37:38.240 --> 00:37:42.760
Little Rock, then back to Dallas, then Missouri, Kansas city, Denver, back to

570
00:37:42.760 --> 00:37:48.480
Dallas, back to Denver, well, technically, technically, Colorado, and then, um, and

571
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:49.880
then back to Dallas.

572
00:37:49.920 --> 00:37:53.520
And then what I do, I think I went to Houston, then I went back up to Dallas.

573
00:37:53.520 --> 00:38:01.040
Then I went to Memphis, Nashville, uh, Greensboro, North Carolina, Asheville,

574
00:38:01.040 --> 00:38:07.720
North Carolina, Moravian Falls, North Carolina, then Ohio, and I almost got to

575
00:38:07.720 --> 00:38:14.080
see Steph and I almost got to see, um, Cheryl, uh, in the end, um, you know,

576
00:38:14.080 --> 00:38:19.280
Cheryl Reese in the end, I went to Washington DC on election day and then

577
00:38:19.320 --> 00:38:21.520
Atlanta, then I was in Houston for three weeks.

578
00:38:21.560 --> 00:38:24.440
And now I'm here in Dallas and I don't know where I'm going to be next.

579
00:38:24.720 --> 00:38:28.280
I have some people here who want me to do, um, uh, you want me to

580
00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:29.800
talk to them about rest intensive.

581
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:35.720
So I figured that I'd stay in town to at least be in town and in person for that.

582
00:38:36.080 --> 00:38:39.400
Um, I don't know if I'll leave town for a little bit after that or

583
00:38:39.680 --> 00:38:42.760
before Christmas or, or what, so I don't know.

584
00:38:43.160 --> 00:38:45.800
I often don't know what I'm going to do.

585
00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:49.880
You know, things will just, things will come up like the day of, or the day

586
00:38:49.880 --> 00:38:53.800
before, and then I go do it, but this is where I am today.

587
00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:55.680
Wonderful.

588
00:38:56.080 --> 00:38:56.480
Yeah.

589
00:38:58.440 --> 00:39:00.920
So, um, what time is it?

590
00:39:00.920 --> 00:39:04.920
Does anyone have anything else they wanted to discuss?

591
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:15.520
I think, yeah, so I was trying to think of something earlier if no one else has.

592
00:39:15.520 --> 00:39:19.280
Well, I, I totally didn't even come on here with thinking of anything, but I mean,

593
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.440
I figured there'd be more people on if you don't have anything else to talk about

594
00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:30.120
or if anything does, if anyone else has anything, um, how do you parent out of

595
00:39:30.120 --> 00:39:30.760
the spirit?

596
00:39:30.760 --> 00:39:32.960
Because I am really struggling.

597
00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:38.360
Oh my word.

598
00:39:38.360 --> 00:39:38.720
Yeah.

599
00:39:38.720 --> 00:39:43.320
I mean, up until, up until like Eric is almost three and up until now, you know,

600
00:39:43.320 --> 00:39:45.080
it's been pretty smooth sailing.

601
00:39:45.080 --> 00:39:48.080
I mean, you know, there's no sleep and, you know, things like that, but there's

602
00:39:48.080 --> 00:39:53.240
never been like that bucking of like clashing between us.

603
00:39:53.720 --> 00:39:58.760
And like, I'm just like, how in the world, how in the world are we going to do this?

604
00:39:58.760 --> 00:39:59.960
Because it's.

605
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.320
bringing up a lot of things in me with how I was raised

606
00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:06.980
and how I was trained, a lot of not good things.

607
00:40:07.880 --> 00:40:10.600
And it is really challenging for me to try

608
00:40:10.600 --> 00:40:14.440
and figure out how to set boundaries or discipline him

609
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:17.120
without parenting out of fear

610
00:40:17.120 --> 00:40:20.800
because of how I was disciplined and parented growing up.

611
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:24.140
And I can see that out of the fear,

612
00:40:24.140 --> 00:40:26.880
there's just a lot of stuff that can go wrong.

613
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:30.180
So any advice is very welcomed.

614
00:40:31.300 --> 00:40:34.140
Well, part of that, you know, it's just,

615
00:40:34.140 --> 00:40:39.140
it's when we're in fear, it's just, it's a habit.

616
00:40:40.260 --> 00:40:42.940
It's all that we know is how we were raised.

617
00:40:42.940 --> 00:40:44.140
I mean, it's all that we know.

618
00:40:44.140 --> 00:40:49.140
And so as far as like bucking and all of that,

619
00:40:50.220 --> 00:40:52.540
oh, well, one thing I do want to mention,

620
00:40:52.540 --> 00:40:54.780
you know, the more that we focus on something,

621
00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:58.080
the more, and the more attention that we give to it,

622
00:40:58.080 --> 00:41:00.300
the more energy that we give to it

623
00:41:00.300 --> 00:41:01.600
and the bigger that it becomes.

624
00:41:01.600 --> 00:41:04.700
So the more that we try not to be like our mom,

625
00:41:04.700 --> 00:41:06.640
the more that we try not to be like our dad,

626
00:41:06.640 --> 00:41:08.260
the more we actually become them.

627
00:41:08.260 --> 00:41:10.600
So just FYI for everybody, you know?

628
00:41:10.600 --> 00:41:15.000
So in other words, the more, you know, case in point rest,

629
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:17.400
the more we let go of that,

630
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:20.440
the less likely we are to follow through on all of that.

631
00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:23.240
And the more likely that we're going to be following through

632
00:41:23.300 --> 00:41:24.940
on the new things that we've learned

633
00:41:24.940 --> 00:41:28.060
as opposed to in fear, we revert back.

634
00:41:28.060 --> 00:41:31.460
We fall back on, okay, what's habit?

635
00:41:31.460 --> 00:41:33.180
What's really deep down in there

636
00:41:33.180 --> 00:41:36.200
as opposed to operating on new thoughts and ideas

637
00:41:36.200 --> 00:41:38.340
of what it is that we now believe,

638
00:41:38.340 --> 00:41:40.660
how it is that we've changed as people

639
00:41:40.660 --> 00:41:43.020
since we were children and since we believe certain things.

640
00:41:43.020 --> 00:41:45.660
So anyway, for that, for what it's worth.

641
00:41:45.660 --> 00:41:47.860
As far as like bucking and things like that.

642
00:41:47.860 --> 00:41:50.380
So I don't know, you know, all,

643
00:41:50.380 --> 00:41:52.060
I don't know an exact scenario.

644
00:41:52.080 --> 00:41:54.680
So I'm just going to throw some things out there.

645
00:41:54.680 --> 00:41:59.200
It's real, what it is that he's going through is,

646
00:41:59.200 --> 00:42:00.920
it's going to sound funny at first.

647
00:42:00.920 --> 00:42:03.400
What he's going through is really, really good

648
00:42:03.400 --> 00:42:08.400
because it is exerting, he's trying to discover

649
00:42:08.840 --> 00:42:11.120
who he is that's different than mom

650
00:42:11.120 --> 00:42:12.120
and that's different than dad.

651
00:42:12.120 --> 00:42:14.360
Now, yeah, he went through that a bit with the twos,

652
00:42:14.360 --> 00:42:16.960
but in the threes, you know, he's going to, you know,

653
00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:18.280
be doing that some more as well.

654
00:42:18.280 --> 00:42:21.500
So he's discovering, okay, who is it that I am?

655
00:42:21.560 --> 00:42:23.480
What is it that I want?

656
00:42:23.480 --> 00:42:24.760
And so that's what he's discovering.

657
00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:26.020
He's discovering, you know what?

658
00:42:26.020 --> 00:42:28.040
I actually realized that I want something

659
00:42:28.040 --> 00:42:31.360
very different from mom and I want to do it

660
00:42:31.360 --> 00:42:32.800
and I'm going to do it.

661
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:37.080
And so he's trying to learn who he is and how to exert it

662
00:42:37.080 --> 00:42:39.720
and how to, and which is something that we were created

663
00:42:39.720 --> 00:42:44.520
to do in a world by the Lord is to put

664
00:42:44.520 --> 00:42:48.640
our own individual spirit stamp on the world.

665
00:42:48.640 --> 00:42:51.040
So what we do with children is we teach them

666
00:42:51.540 --> 00:42:53.580
how to govern that because they don't know

667
00:42:53.580 --> 00:42:54.860
how to govern that.

668
00:42:54.860 --> 00:42:59.300
So that's what the process is, is it's not like, okay,

669
00:42:59.300 --> 00:43:02.060
you know, like maybe, maybe I'm just guessing

670
00:43:02.060 --> 00:43:04.140
by how you're talking that maybe you were raised

671
00:43:04.140 --> 00:43:06.860
is very traditional and like, okay, no, no, no,

672
00:43:06.860 --> 00:43:08.660
here's this, according to the tree of knowledge

673
00:43:08.660 --> 00:43:09.500
of good and evil.

674
00:43:09.500 --> 00:43:10.740
So all of these things that we're not going to do

675
00:43:10.740 --> 00:43:12.180
these things and there's all these good things

676
00:43:12.180 --> 00:43:14.380
and we're going to avoid that or how all these good things

677
00:43:14.380 --> 00:43:15.460
that we're going to do these things,

678
00:43:15.460 --> 00:43:17.220
all these bad things, we're not going to do those things.

679
00:43:17.220 --> 00:43:19.940
And there's just this standard and there's this list

680
00:43:19.960 --> 00:43:21.760
and there's this, whatever.

681
00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:26.760
Do, I will say that kids that, so bear in mind though,

682
00:43:29.320 --> 00:43:32.440
when I'm saying all of this, that we're teaching them

683
00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:37.440
how to govern themselves, how to handle this new strength

684
00:43:37.700 --> 00:43:39.400
that they don't know what to do with.

685
00:43:39.400 --> 00:43:41.440
It's like a child's been given a hammer

686
00:43:41.440 --> 00:43:42.560
and they don't know what to do with.

687
00:43:42.560 --> 00:43:44.200
So it's just like kind of give them,

688
00:43:44.200 --> 00:43:48.000
if they're given a way in order to exert it

689
00:43:48.020 --> 00:43:50.180
as opposed to just stifling it.

690
00:43:50.180 --> 00:43:52.700
And no, I'm not talking about necessarily in a moment.

691
00:43:52.700 --> 00:43:55.300
I'm talking about, because sometimes you do

692
00:43:55.300 --> 00:43:57.260
to just kind of like have to stop it in a moment.

693
00:43:57.260 --> 00:43:59.100
They can't run out in front of a car.

694
00:43:59.100 --> 00:44:02.000
They need to obey you when you tell them to stop.

695
00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:03.340
There's certain things where it's kind of like,

696
00:44:03.340 --> 00:44:04.740
hey, look, you're going to hurt yourself.

697
00:44:04.740 --> 00:44:06.580
And God does that with us as well.

698
00:44:06.580 --> 00:44:08.260
It's like, hey, you're going to do that.

699
00:44:08.260 --> 00:44:09.660
You're about to hurt yourself.

700
00:44:09.660 --> 00:44:11.460
That's an absolute no.

701
00:44:11.460 --> 00:44:12.900
And we're going to just stop this right here.

702
00:44:12.900 --> 00:44:15.600
Then we're going to learn the lesson and learn why not.

703
00:44:16.260 --> 00:44:18.100
So there is an element of that,

704
00:44:18.100 --> 00:44:22.140
but there's also this aspect of like just in general

705
00:44:22.140 --> 00:44:24.420
in the parenting is to understand,

706
00:44:24.420 --> 00:44:26.940
and this works very good with strong-willed children as well

707
00:44:26.940 --> 00:44:28.340
because strong-willed children are the same

708
00:44:28.340 --> 00:44:29.180
as other children.

709
00:44:29.180 --> 00:44:33.020
They're just exerting a lot more of it

710
00:44:33.020 --> 00:44:34.340
that you have to contend with,

711
00:44:34.340 --> 00:44:36.340
but you have to deal with it generally speaking

712
00:44:36.340 --> 00:44:37.480
in the same way.

713
00:44:37.480 --> 00:44:39.900
You just have to deal with it in a much more intense way

714
00:44:39.900 --> 00:44:41.300
with a strong-willed child.

715
00:44:43.300 --> 00:44:44.940
And so it's just kind of understanding,

716
00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:47.080
okay, what is coming out of them is a good thing,

717
00:44:47.080 --> 00:44:48.960
but they don't know how to direct it.

718
00:44:48.960 --> 00:44:50.680
So it's coming out nasty.

719
00:44:50.680 --> 00:44:55.680
It's coming out as being rebellious and as attacking.

720
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:58.280
And to me, or to someone else,

721
00:44:58.280 --> 00:44:59.720
and they just need to understand,

722
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.040
How do you, how can you have your own way in certain, in your play or in your whatever,

723
00:45:07.040 --> 00:45:12.480
whatever. So many children are just told to know all the time, just know all the time.

724
00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:22.400
And so if you can think of ways that they can, that he can take that sense of identity

725
00:45:23.040 --> 00:45:27.680
and what it is that he wants to do, and that that thing can be fostered.

726
00:45:27.680 --> 00:45:32.880
They're not there over time. They're not as upset when they can't have something.

727
00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:43.680
So if that, if that makes sense, as opposed. Yeah. Anyway. And then another thing to mention

728
00:45:43.680 --> 00:45:49.920
is it's not like the child grows up in like all of this gray area and it's just kind of like,

729
00:45:49.920 --> 00:45:53.600
Oh, my worry. Well, let's just kind of learn all of this. If they're it,

730
00:45:53.600 --> 00:45:58.720
children feel very secure with black and white. This is the way that it always is.

731
00:45:59.680 --> 00:46:04.720
So in the end over time, gray area can be introduced because they, because when they're

732
00:46:04.720 --> 00:46:09.920
young, they don't. And teachers learn this when they're teaching children, they learn that that

733
00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:16.080
children have to be taught how to logically formulate a thought in order to come to a

734
00:46:16.080 --> 00:46:22.640
conclusion. So when they're very young, sometimes just black and white works best. So it's directing,

735
00:46:22.640 --> 00:46:29.360
it's making very, it's providing structure so that, which also really, really helps. Oh,

736
00:46:29.360 --> 00:46:36.160
my word helps tremendously with attitude is, is providing structure where this is always this way.

737
00:46:36.160 --> 00:46:40.400
And it's just the way that it is at the table. This is what we always do. No exceptions. And

738
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:45.200
it is extremely difficult for a parent, extremely difficult for a parent to be consistent. That's

739
00:46:45.200 --> 00:46:50.000
one of the most difficult things for parents is to be consistent because we live in a world where

740
00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:54.800
things are not consistent. So to create a consistency in our home for children, when

741
00:46:54.800 --> 00:47:00.720
we're tired, when it is 10 o'clock at night, you know, when I've been doing this all day long,

742
00:47:01.520 --> 00:47:09.120
and here's the 3000th time, you know, it can be very frustrating. And that consistency is huge

743
00:47:09.120 --> 00:47:14.080
in order to create that block, this black and white boundaries that will tamper down attitude a

744
00:47:14.080 --> 00:47:17.680
lot. I'm not saying that he has an attitude, but if he does have an attitude, you know,

745
00:47:17.680 --> 00:47:22.960
tamper down attitude a lot because it provides provide safety. And attitude a lot of times,

746
00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:30.640
sometimes is is just acting out out of fear. And, okay, I'm going to give you an example from

747
00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:35.680
personal experience. Now this, this kid was not three. I don't know how old he was. I was 12,

748
00:47:36.400 --> 00:47:44.240
babysitting for kids. And there was this one kid who was maybe Oh, you know what, he may have been

749
00:47:44.240 --> 00:47:50.800
three, he was three or four. And he would he would do wild things. He would literally climb

750
00:47:51.600 --> 00:48:00.000
a wall, floor to ceiling bookcase, you know, and I'm 12. I'm not 36. I'm 12. And I've got like four

751
00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:05.120
little kids, one of them in diapers. And I don't I think she could walk anyway. But here's the here's

752
00:48:05.120 --> 00:48:08.560
the third one. I'm like, Oh, my word, what am I going to do with this kid? Well, he would give

753
00:48:08.560 --> 00:48:12.480
me so much trouble. It wasn't just that he would just he would just constantly be rebellious.

754
00:48:13.200 --> 00:48:18.320
He would say no to whatever it is that I said to do or whatever. So I just tried my best to be

755
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:24.400
consistent. And this was at 12 years old, just same thing every single time, same thing, you know,

756
00:48:24.400 --> 00:48:29.600
no, you can never get away with that. And eventually, I don't remember how long it had

757
00:48:29.600 --> 00:48:33.840
been that I was babysitting and both his parents and me knew of the struggles that I was having

758
00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:40.240
with him. And so we all thought he didn't like me. Well, one day his his mom and came to pick me up.

759
00:48:41.200 --> 00:48:47.760
And she told me that she said, Hey, by the way, we let the kids know at dinner that you were coming

760
00:48:47.760 --> 00:48:56.960
to babysit them. And she said, Zachary surprised us all and said, Oh, Ashley's coming. I love

761
00:48:56.960 --> 00:49:08.320
Ashley. We're going. It was because I reminded him of his mother. So when his mother wasn't there,

762
00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:13.680
here was someone else that he knew what he could always expect from. He always pushed it. He always

763
00:49:13.680 --> 00:49:20.080
pushed it. He always tried to break those boundaries and test them. You know, but often

764
00:49:20.080 --> 00:49:24.240
children who are testing boundaries, they're just trying to understand where their security is.

765
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:29.280
How how much can I trust on this thing to never move? What can I possibly throw at it?

766
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:34.080
You know, it's like child keeps throwing something at something else trying to see,

767
00:49:34.080 --> 00:49:37.200
OK, is it going to break now? Is it going to break now? Is it going to break now?

768
00:49:37.760 --> 00:49:44.640
And it's exhausting because we call it rebellion. And really, they're trying to prove how safe their

769
00:49:44.640 --> 00:49:49.280
world can be. And they're they can because there's something that's made them feel concerned or

770
00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:56.400
afraid that something won't won't be safe for them. So I know that that was probably just a

771
00:49:56.400 --> 00:49:59.840
smattering of things. I hope I didn't confuse you. Those were just all kinds.

772
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.300
the things that came to mind that, um, that I personally dealt with, uh, with

773
00:50:04.300 --> 00:50:10.980
children, um, and, um, that I just know based on how it is that we are as, as

774
00:50:10.980 --> 00:50:13.420
adults and how that starts as children.

775
00:50:13.700 --> 00:50:17.500
And so to understand that all of the things in him are all very, very good.

776
00:50:17.700 --> 00:50:19.340
He just doesn't know how to.

777
00:50:20.100 --> 00:50:23.880
He doesn't understand what's going on and why he feels like

778
00:50:23.880 --> 00:50:26.860
this and what to do with it.

779
00:50:27.200 --> 00:50:31.640
So it's teaching them, they're not trying to be bad there.

780
00:50:31.680 --> 00:50:34.000
They just don't know what else to do there.

781
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:35.960
It's, it's out of, it's out of fear.

782
00:50:35.960 --> 00:50:37.220
It's out of confusion.

783
00:50:37.220 --> 00:50:40.120
It's out of, well, this feels right.

784
00:50:40.120 --> 00:50:41.320
So I'm going to do it.

785
00:50:41.560 --> 00:50:42.320
And they just have to learn.

786
00:50:42.320 --> 00:50:42.960
Well, no, no, no, no.

787
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:45.000
Don't do it like that, but you can do it like this.

788
00:50:46.320 --> 00:50:48.680
So I hope that that's helpful.

789
00:50:48.680 --> 00:50:49.840
I know that's a lot of stuff.

790
00:50:50.720 --> 00:50:51.640
No, that's helpful.

791
00:50:51.640 --> 00:50:56.040
I feel like it's kind of, I mean, what you said about the consistency and about

792
00:50:56.060 --> 00:50:59.980
how, when it feels like, when it seems like rebellion and it's really just them

793
00:51:00.300 --> 00:51:03.580
like trying to figure out how safe they are, that really clicks with me.

794
00:51:04.100 --> 00:51:08.220
Um, because that, that just makes a lot of sense.

795
00:51:08.300 --> 00:51:11.500
And I can see that that would, it's definitely the scenarios that are playing

796
00:51:11.500 --> 00:51:17.620
out, especially with Dominic and figuring out what is acceptable there and what's

797
00:51:17.620 --> 00:51:21.860
not like with how he interacts with Dominic and stuff, trying to figure out

798
00:51:21.860 --> 00:51:27.960
if it's, you know, safe or not to jump on him, which it's like some of the stuff

799
00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:33.520
it's like, Oh my word, it's a miracle that Dominic is still alive, but we, uh,

800
00:51:33.560 --> 00:51:35.240
in a couple of years, they'll be great.

801
00:51:35.240 --> 00:51:36.080
And they'll get along.

802
00:51:36.320 --> 00:51:37.280
They'll get along well.

803
00:51:37.280 --> 00:51:41.680
And Dominic can, can hopefully give some back to him.

804
00:51:42.960 --> 00:51:43.640
That's right.

805
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:44.240
Stand up.

806
00:51:46.640 --> 00:51:47.880
I know exactly.

807
00:51:48.400 --> 00:51:50.200
So I wanted you to see if I missed something.

808
00:51:50.220 --> 00:51:52.020
I think we were getting some chats.

809
00:51:52.380 --> 00:51:57.580
So Steph mentions that age three is harder than age two, but y'all, I keep

810
00:51:57.580 --> 00:52:01.300
hearing that, but you'll learn to see so much growth in you both this year.

811
00:52:01.700 --> 00:52:09.380
And, um, Irene was saying, um, uh, let's see about what about sibling

812
00:52:09.380 --> 00:52:12.780
rivalry is your older one misbehaving more since the baby was born?

813
00:52:12.820 --> 00:52:13.180
Oh yeah.

814
00:52:13.460 --> 00:52:15.940
I had this issue with my oldest son after his brother was born.

815
00:52:16.060 --> 00:52:16.220
Yeah.

816
00:52:16.220 --> 00:52:17.380
And then you were just responding.

817
00:52:17.380 --> 00:52:17.540
Yeah.

818
00:52:17.540 --> 00:52:19.380
I noticed it spending so much time with baby.

819
00:52:19.380 --> 00:52:19.700
Yeah.

820
00:52:20.080 --> 00:52:20.280
Yeah.

821
00:52:20.280 --> 00:52:24.760
I know that if they're not, if they're used to, because their security came from

822
00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:27.000
always knowing that they had the attention.

823
00:52:27.240 --> 00:52:30.920
So now they have to learn that they're always safe.

824
00:52:30.920 --> 00:52:31.560
They're always secure.

825
00:52:31.560 --> 00:52:32.880
Mom's always there.

826
00:52:32.880 --> 00:52:33.920
It it's all okay.

827
00:52:33.920 --> 00:52:34.920
Mom's not going to leave me.

828
00:52:34.920 --> 00:52:37.600
I'm not abandoned just because I'm not being paid attention to.

829
00:52:38.200 --> 00:52:41.840
I mean, even though I'm not being paid attention to, and it's a transition,

830
00:52:41.840 --> 00:52:45.320
they have learned to associate safety with attention.

831
00:52:45.600 --> 00:52:48.920
And so now they're just having to learn and that they're, that they're

832
00:52:48.940 --> 00:52:50.620
safe without the attention.

833
00:52:50.620 --> 00:52:58.520
They're learning to having to learn to trust the, the presence and the you

834
00:52:58.520 --> 00:53:01.420
know, and the love and the fact that mom's not going to be there and that

835
00:53:01.420 --> 00:53:07.540
I'm not abandoned even without that touch point of attention is just shifting that.

836
00:53:07.580 --> 00:53:09.620
So we all have to do that.

837
00:53:09.860 --> 00:53:12.660
I mean, you have, we have, you know, have to learn to trust

838
00:53:12.660 --> 00:53:13.780
your husband when he is away.

839
00:53:13.980 --> 00:53:17.100
You know, your trust, you know, when you're when your mom, when you can't

840
00:53:17.100 --> 00:53:20.840
get ahold of her or your best friend, when she hasn't answered your texts for

841
00:53:20.840 --> 00:53:24.720
three days, you know, or whatever, you just like, okay, well, did I do something?

842
00:53:24.720 --> 00:53:25.160
I don't know.

843
00:53:25.320 --> 00:53:26.720
I'm still struggling with that.

844
00:53:26.720 --> 00:53:30.320
You know, at 36, I'm just like, Ashley, just, it's okay.

845
00:53:30.560 --> 00:53:32.160
They haven't abandoned you.

846
00:53:34.120 --> 00:53:36.320
They don't not love you now, you know?

847
00:53:36.760 --> 00:53:38.360
So I struggle with that.

848
00:53:38.360 --> 00:53:40.400
In fact, there was a, there was a friend.

849
00:53:40.400 --> 00:53:41.840
I was struggling with that today.

850
00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:42.160
I'm sorry.

851
00:53:42.160 --> 00:53:43.000
My sister about it.

852
00:53:43.000 --> 00:53:44.680
I'm like, I know this is ridiculous.

853
00:53:45.540 --> 00:53:46.660
36 years old.

854
00:53:46.740 --> 00:53:51.500
And I still wonder fully aware of it.

855
00:53:51.700 --> 00:53:52.060
It happens.

856
00:53:52.060 --> 00:53:53.460
Like, I know what I'm doing.

857
00:53:53.660 --> 00:53:58.380
I know what I'm doing, but it's having, and I told her this, I said, I'm having

858
00:53:58.380 --> 00:54:06.580
to learn that it's that, that to not associate touch points and non-touch

859
00:54:06.580 --> 00:54:12.580
points with abandonment or attention or not attention, but abandonment or affection.

860
00:54:13.480 --> 00:54:17.720
I've got to learn to disassociate those things and learn to trust that when someone

861
00:54:17.720 --> 00:54:22.360
says something that it's actually true, you know, and, and whatever, it's part

862
00:54:22.360 --> 00:54:26.040
of a part of honoring somebody else by trusting them, you know?

863
00:54:26.400 --> 00:54:26.680
Yeah.

864
00:54:26.720 --> 00:54:27.680
That, that makes sense.

865
00:54:27.680 --> 00:54:31.360
Cause I was thinking today, I was like, I know that, I know that children act

866
00:54:31.360 --> 00:54:35.020
out when they don't have attention and I'm very cautious of giving attention.

867
00:54:35.020 --> 00:54:36.000
I'm like, literally.

868
00:54:36.920 --> 00:54:40.680
I cannot spend all day just sitting on like this.

869
00:54:40.680 --> 00:54:42.940
Something has got to change because I have Dominic.

870
00:54:42.940 --> 00:54:44.060
I have other things I need to do.

871
00:54:44.060 --> 00:54:47.700
I'm like, I love him and I spent time with him, but legit.

872
00:54:48.020 --> 00:54:48.580
Insane.

873
00:54:48.600 --> 00:54:49.380
This is crazy.

874
00:54:49.940 --> 00:54:50.220
Yeah.

875
00:54:50.860 --> 00:54:56.980
No, no, that hurts me though, that it does still, he still has to be the one to realize

876
00:54:57.020 --> 00:54:59.980
that I'm still, I still love and care for him, even though I can't.

877
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.640
spend every waking hour with him,

878
00:55:02.640 --> 00:55:05.200
every sleeping hour with him too sometimes, so.

879
00:55:05.200 --> 00:55:06.440
Yeah, yeah.

880
00:55:07.680 --> 00:55:09.560
Another idea, I don't know if this,

881
00:55:10.680 --> 00:55:12.920
how this will work, you could just try it,

882
00:55:12.920 --> 00:55:15.480
would be when he's wanting your attention,

883
00:55:15.480 --> 00:55:19.200
that you give him something to do for you.

884
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:21.800
So in other words, it creates a connection

885
00:55:21.800 --> 00:55:23.200
because he's wanting to be connected

886
00:55:23.200 --> 00:55:24.040
as opposed to, you know,

887
00:55:24.040 --> 00:55:25.960
mommy's doing this, can you go play?

888
00:55:25.960 --> 00:55:27.480
Or go watch a movie or whatever.

889
00:55:27.520 --> 00:55:30.600
If it's something, hey, will you do this for me?

890
00:55:30.600 --> 00:55:32.640
And come back and show me what you did.

891
00:55:32.640 --> 00:55:36.360
And maybe that will help kind of like start to,

892
00:55:36.360 --> 00:55:38.160
or you could do it but be right here,

893
00:55:38.160 --> 00:55:39.920
but you know, I don't know.

894
00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:43.720
Some way in which he feels that there is a purpose

895
00:55:43.720 --> 00:55:44.640
Right.

896
00:55:44.640 --> 00:55:46.440
that's still connected to you

897
00:55:46.440 --> 00:55:49.560
as opposed to he just can't be with you.

898
00:55:49.560 --> 00:55:50.600
I don't know if that's helpful

899
00:55:50.600 --> 00:55:53.560
to kind of like start to wean him off.

900
00:55:53.560 --> 00:55:55.520
Yeah, no, that's very helpful because,

901
00:55:55.520 --> 00:56:00.520
and I can tell that he's very, he loves to help.

902
00:56:00.520 --> 00:56:02.240
Like whenever I'm doing anything,

903
00:56:02.240 --> 00:56:05.040
he's always right there and he wants to help.

904
00:56:05.040 --> 00:56:07.400
And I think if I could make a more conscious effort

905
00:56:07.400 --> 00:56:10.600
of doing that, I can see that being very beneficial.

906
00:56:10.600 --> 00:56:12.760
So no, that was very good too.

907
00:56:12.760 --> 00:56:13.600
Yeah.

908
00:56:13.600 --> 00:56:15.480
Yeah, so I think it might be, you know,

909
00:56:15.480 --> 00:56:18.080
as we all are, you know, just a loss of,

910
00:56:18.080 --> 00:56:19.960
fear of a loss of connection.

911
00:56:19.960 --> 00:56:21.720
Or he helps with Dominique.

912
00:56:21.720 --> 00:56:23.400
Oh, you are the big brother.

913
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:28.560
I used to do that with my niece, my niece, Cora.

914
00:56:28.560 --> 00:56:30.200
Oh my word.

915
00:56:30.200 --> 00:56:32.320
So much attention.

916
00:56:33.440 --> 00:56:37.320
All day, all, every moment.

917
00:56:37.320 --> 00:56:39.000
And she couldn't play by herself.

918
00:56:39.000 --> 00:56:40.880
And you would think that an oldest child could.

919
00:56:40.880 --> 00:56:44.600
I did, but she just absolutely couldn't.

920
00:56:44.600 --> 00:56:47.160
So when Kayla came along, oh my word,

921
00:56:48.440 --> 00:56:50.560
it was just, it was wild.

922
00:56:50.600 --> 00:56:53.960
And so what I used to do when I would babysit them

923
00:56:53.960 --> 00:56:58.760
is I would give her things to do to help me with Kayla,

924
00:56:58.760 --> 00:56:59.880
which I know that you already do.

925
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:02.040
I'm just saying, you know, I'm just mentioning this,

926
00:57:02.040 --> 00:57:04.840
is, you know, oh, well, let's do this now.

927
00:57:04.840 --> 00:57:05.680
And let's do that.

928
00:57:05.680 --> 00:57:07.720
Oh my word, you know, you're such a big help.

929
00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:08.880
You know, go get his diaper.

930
00:57:08.880 --> 00:57:13.160
Let's change, let's change Kayla together.

931
00:57:13.160 --> 00:57:14.640
Let's get her bottle together.

932
00:57:14.640 --> 00:57:16.680
Will you get this, the bottle for me?

933
00:57:16.680 --> 00:57:17.840
And I will get the milk.

934
00:57:17.840 --> 00:57:19.240
I don't know if that's better.

935
00:57:19.240 --> 00:57:21.360
And then it made her kind of feel,

936
00:57:21.360 --> 00:57:24.400
and then it helps the jealousy with her and Kayla.

937
00:57:24.400 --> 00:57:25.840
Now they're big buds.

938
00:57:25.840 --> 00:57:29.760
So for whatever that's worth, sometimes it works.

939
00:57:30.960 --> 00:57:31.960
I could see that.

940
00:57:31.960 --> 00:57:33.640
Yeah, I could see that resonating

941
00:57:33.640 --> 00:57:36.840
with the type of personality that Eric has anyway, so far.

942
00:57:36.840 --> 00:57:38.760
That's cute, that's cute.

943
00:57:40.480 --> 00:57:45.480
So let's see, anything else that anybody wanted to cover?

944
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:47.240
I keep checking,

945
00:57:47.240 --> 00:57:49.280
because otherwise we just keep,

946
00:57:49.280 --> 00:57:51.080
I just enjoy visiting.

947
00:57:51.080 --> 00:57:53.160
Oh, wow, it's 8.57.

948
00:57:53.160 --> 00:57:54.440
And then time passes.

949
00:57:55.520 --> 00:57:57.360
But before we jump off,

950
00:57:57.360 --> 00:57:58.880
was there anything else that anybody

951
00:57:58.880 --> 00:58:00.640
just needed to cover tonight?

952
00:58:08.520 --> 00:58:11.280
Hey, Carrie, I just wanted to say thank you

953
00:58:11.280 --> 00:58:13.240
for asking those questions

954
00:58:13.240 --> 00:58:16.640
because I have been struggling with some of the same,

955
00:58:17.240 --> 00:58:19.160
I don't know, it's not really the same thing,

956
00:58:19.160 --> 00:58:24.160
but Felicity has become super clingy.

957
00:58:24.560 --> 00:58:28.320
She's seven months now, almost, yeah, seven months now.

958
00:58:28.320 --> 00:58:30.000
And she has suddenly discovered

959
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:33.000
that mama is not always there all the time.

960
00:58:33.000 --> 00:58:36.280
And I cannot leave a room without her crying.

961
00:58:37.280 --> 00:58:40.560
I can't do anything without her pulling on me,

962
00:58:40.560 --> 00:58:44.760
or even sometimes she seems to panic if I leave the room.

963
00:58:44.760 --> 00:58:46.560
And it seems like she's starting to realize

964
00:58:47.480 --> 00:58:50.360
that, oh my goodness, mama has the ability to leave.

965
00:58:50.360 --> 00:58:52.280
So I know it's not the same thing,

966
00:58:52.280 --> 00:58:55.280
but it kind of, I don't know,

967
00:58:55.280 --> 00:58:56.840
I really resonated with what you were saying

968
00:58:56.840 --> 00:59:01.840
because sometimes I'm not sure how to communicate

969
00:59:02.960 --> 00:59:05.960
with a seven-month-old that even if I'm not there,

970
00:59:05.960 --> 00:59:07.520
I'm there, yeah.

971
00:59:07.520 --> 00:59:09.920
So I don't know, I just wanted to mention that.

972
00:59:11.560 --> 00:59:13.480
Yeah, I know, it does, it brings comfort

973
00:59:13.480 --> 00:59:15.440
because to me, it doesn't matter the age,

974
00:59:15.440 --> 00:59:18.960
it's just, it just all, it helps to just kind of know

975
00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:21.320
and acknowledge, oh, this is what's going on.

976
00:59:21.320 --> 00:59:22.920
Yeah.

977
00:59:22.920 --> 00:59:24.560
And we still deal with it at 36.

978
00:59:28.440 --> 00:59:30.440
I don't want to declare that over myself.

979
00:59:30.440 --> 00:59:33.120
I'm just saying, I'm still working through this.

980
00:59:33.120 --> 00:59:34.920
I've grown so much.

981
00:59:39.520 --> 00:59:41.520
I was so embarrassed today.

982
00:59:41.520 --> 00:59:43.480
I was like, Ashley, this is ridiculous.

983
00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:46.840
Like, and then with that other part of me

984
00:59:46.840 --> 00:59:48.720
that I had to not be judgmental about,

985
00:59:48.720 --> 00:59:50.120
like what I was talking about earlier,

986
00:59:50.120 --> 00:59:52.440
Irene was just like, yes, but I'm scared.

987
00:59:53.880 --> 00:59:58.000
I needed to have it safe, and my sister let me have my safe

988
00:59:58.000 --> 01:00:00.040
so that I countered it.

989
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.760
But I know this is true. And anyway, so now I'm very, I'm a lot better. I was crying this afternoon. I'm so much better now.

990
01:00:13.760 --> 01:00:16.000
Let's see if there's anything else I can say.

991
01:00:17.520 --> 01:00:25.160
Guess that's it. Well, it's good to see all of y'all. I'm so glad y'all could jump on. It was so good to see y'all's faces. I've been missing everybody.

992
01:00:25.160 --> 01:00:34.160
So I guess I will see y'all next Thursday. I don't know what day that is. Or is that the 11th? Maybe.

993
01:00:34.160 --> 01:00:43.160
What is it? Oh, is it the 10th? Okay, thank you. Irene keeps me on my schedule.

994
01:00:43.160 --> 01:00:49.160
Anyway, love all of y'all. Good to see y'all. Thank you.