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Okay.

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Hey, Chris.

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Hey, hello.

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How are you?

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Good. How are you, Ashley?

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Doing all right.

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I am eating.

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Oh, you're fine.

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Enjoy it.

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I am very full.

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I'm very full.

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I'm very rich. And so I am very satisfied.

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That's good.

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Am I early?

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What?

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No, no.

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It's six.

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Is it six for you? Yeah, it's a nine.

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It's nine.

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What state are you in?

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South Carolina.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. So that's why I do it.

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So late on the East coast is because there's people joining from the

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West coast, et cetera.

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And so it's just kind of, if I, if I don't do it.

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If I do it any earlier, well, then it hits people on the.

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West coast.

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Like literally while they're trying to walk out of the office.

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So.

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Where are you?

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I'm in Atlanta, Georgia.

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Okay.

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Are you on the West coast, Chris?

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Yeah, I'm in California.

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Oh, I love California.

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Area.

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Oh, wow.

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Beautiful.

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Yeah.

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Rita, where are you?

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I'm in Dallas, Texas.

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Okay.

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Yeah. I don't know why I keep forgetting that.

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I don't know.

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I've I've met up with her.

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And so anyway,

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Rita's known that mutual friend for like 10 years or something like

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that. And so that's how Rita and I got connected.

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And so seriously, Rita, we need to make,

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make sure that sometime I'm in town, I get to meet in person.

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Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think how many people in the rest intensive.

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Several people in the rest.

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If not most of them.

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I finally ended up meeting in person.

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So anyway, that was when I was like traveling around.

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And so it meant so much to me to get to see people and hug their

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necks in person.

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How are you feeling?

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Me.

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Yeah.

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I'm doing all right.

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How are you feeling?

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I'm feeling guilty for not being down there.

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I'm sorry.

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It's been a hard day.

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Well, I had a babysitter today.

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So it was like, they're wanting,

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they're all three of them are just wanting their mom and their dad.

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And now there's only their dad and they all want him.

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And so it's just like one of those days.

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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Yes.

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I do have a, a.

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I do have a conference that we have going on here.

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And it's really fun.

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We're exciting. And, and so anyway,

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but they've switched to preaching now.

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So anyway, so.

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I stayed as long as I could listen to a lot of prophetic words.

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He was like calling people out in the audience. He's like,

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I'm looking for somebody whose middle name is in.

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And he was like, okay,

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so you're like,

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so you're using words of knowledge?

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Like he'll know their,

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their grandmother's name or their maiden name or their.

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You know, or he'll get a Bible verse. And in fact, it was so funny.

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It was, it was fascinating.

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He was saying that he eventually,

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he was going through that with one of the ladies. And then he said,

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Oh, you know, I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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And then he'll get some, like her daughter, her son, her, her last name.

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You know, or whatever.

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And, and then like, I don't, I don't know.

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Whatever sometimes he gets people's birthdays. In fact, yeah.

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That's another thing he got. He's like may 7th.

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He's like, I'm getting may 7th. And she said, that's my birthday.

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So anyway, so they went through all of that.

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And then at one point he said, Oh,

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there was somebody in her family that she'd been praying for.

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And he said, well, and so we stopped and listened for a while.

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And he said, okay, I believe that the Lord is saying that before the,

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he said, do you live in a place that has some snow?

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And she said, well, kind of, sort of,

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and I don't remember where she said that she lived, but anyway, she said,

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yeah, we get a little bit of snow.

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And so he said, okay, well, the Lord's telling me that before.

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Before the ice.

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And he said, well,

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the Lord's telling me that before the ice.

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And he said, well,

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the Lord's telling me that before the ice.

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or melted. He said, it's Milton. He said, I'm hearing before the ice is Milton, then

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you're going to see whatever from, you know, you'll see your, uh, uh, that the Lord all

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like meet your family and maybe the, and maybe your father will or come to Christ or something

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like that. And she said, that's my last name. My last name is Milton. Oh, okay. Well, there's

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that too. So he's really fascinating how he, how I've never listened to somebody speak

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prophetically like that, where he'll get words of knowledge. And then like, like multiple

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people stand up with like the same thing. And then, so he starts narrowing it down.

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Okay, well, I'm getting this. And then only two people are left and okay, I'm getting

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this and only one person left. He's like, okay, we're going with you. And then he keeps

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going and then like, oh, that's my brother or that's my birthday. Or that's literally

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the street that I live on or whatever. And, um, anyway, so that's what I liked. He did

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is he did three prophetic words and I was like, oh, I gotta leave. So, all right, well,

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um, I'll go ahead and get started. I enjoyed getting to see, um, the journey posts that

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people have been posting. Um, Casey, I got to see yours. I really enjoyed those and Cicely,

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I saw your questions and your most recent post. So I'll be able to get to, um, those

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and answer everything. Um, does anyone, uh, and y'all can bring up those questions if

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you want to, uh, if you wanted to do them now, you'll have to remind me of which ones

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they are because I bet, I bet a little bit of time has passed since then. Uh, or we can

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something else. So does anyone have anything that they wanted to open us up with?

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I guess I have a question and this is something I kind of experienced. I guess I'm experiencing.

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Well, so I feel like when I'm by myself and I have more space in my life, I feel like entering

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into rest is easier and more simple. Yeah. But the challenge comes when the kids are fighting

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dinners on the stove, the doorbell rings and it's like, freak out. Like, what do I do? Like,

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what do you do with that? Well, it becomes easier. So the thing is, that's why it's easier.

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That's why I, one of the reasons why I give people those exercises is because you're strengthening a

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muscle, so to speak. That's a really bad way to phrase it because really what you're doing is you

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are it, when you have fewer distractions, fewer promptings, if you will, to start acting out of

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habit and to start reacting. Cause that's what we've ended up building a lot of our lives around

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is not living offensively, but rather defensively. Like we just, we, our lives from the time we get

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up to the time we go to bed or we have out of habit started dictating them according to what

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comes at us. And then we end up, and then we end up deciding what it is that we're going to do,

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et cetera. So it's just old habits and old perspectives of how we view life and how we

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think we're supposed to approach life. What we think that we're responsible for is, okay, we're

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just, that's one of the reasons why we kind of live in so much, why a lot of people live in so

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much anxiety. It's kind of like waiting for the shoe to drop, like what's going to come at me next

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that I have to be ready for. So that's why I recommend these exercises in doing them in a way

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that where it's at a time where you're a little more quiet, less distracted, et cetera, so that

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you become familiar with making a particular choice or a decision. In other words, you're

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just kind of like shifting, you're shifting your consciousness, you're shifting your awareness

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towards something else that you are making a decision. This is more valuable to me. And this

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is what it is that I'm going to base my value in, in life. I'm not in my reaction, but in the Lord

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or whatever. So, yeah, it's more challenging with all of the distractions, but it obviously can

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still be done. And one of the things that I always try to do is, is try to make sure that

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people understand how simple all of this is supposed to be. But I know that because I tend

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to try to flesh out and explain what I mean, people can take the amount of volume, the volume

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in which I'm talking about something and the amount of time at which it takes me to talk about

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it. They, they think that it's that big. It's really not that big. It's, I just try to explain

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it so that people can kind of like grab a hold of it and understand, but it really is very simple

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of things just like, so I recommend just grabbing like the simple things. It's like, okay, if all

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All of that happens.

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Like the kids are doing this and the telephone rings and, you know, when

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supper's on the stove and you're in the middle, it's in the middle of boiling.

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I don't know.

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And all of a sudden everything happens.

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One of the, one of the things that I, that I do first is I remember

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to like, take my mind off of, and it'll just be in, I don't know, it probably

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only takes about a second and a half, something like that is to kind of,

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because again, I've practiced it.

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In other words, I know what it is I'm trying to do.

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And so I just repeat.

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I'm like, okay, I know what I'm doing.

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So I'm just going to do this, but it's an intention of my

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free will in that situation.

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Not something that just comes to me or feels natural.

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It's me exerting my free will of like, no, I am making a choice.

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Um, and, uh, so that's one of the reasons why I was talking the other day about

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the importance of maturing our will so that we understand our right and claim

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our right and to make a decision.

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Um, and, uh, and to basically own our, our right to make a decision so that

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you feel more confident, no matter what is going on around you.

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And that is, is, uh, requiring all of your, uh, in demanding your time and

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attention that you choose you first.

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You're like, nope, I'm going to make my choice.

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And all it does is it takes like a second, second and a half.

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I'm like, nope, I'm making a frugal decision.

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This is what's important to me.

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And then I immediately just start just, I, how, how'd I put that?

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I start doing the really simple things like sometimes in which goal, I think

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you said that you it's the next session that you're going to, I think you

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mentioned that in your, uh, live that, or your video that the next one that

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you'll be doing, which is the last one is rest shifting tools.

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And so the second one in there is I just tell myself stop.

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So it's like, I am my spirit.

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I talked to my soul and my body and just like, okay, whatever is

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creating your anxiety, just stop.

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Just all of this.

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I just let it go.

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And so you, you practice that enough where you realize what it is that you're

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doing so that it's easier when you've got a lot of things that are in your face,

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clamoring for your attention and tempting you to go the old route where you think

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that you were subject to in victim of whatever comes at you and you have to

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respond to it and you're not, you are not under any obligation.

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So that's one of the things that's one of the other benefits or reasons why I

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explain, you know, the importance of like choosing our right to ourselves

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so that in those situations, we stop feeling so obligated to react.

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Now, I mean, you know, I'm not talking about these things like get reactions

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of like the child's running in the street.

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Well, then you just, you just do a chap shoot, you know, you go based off of

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instinct and you go based off of, you know, um, what the Lord put in us.

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So I'm not talking about that.

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I'm talking about, it feels like hell is breaking loose, but if you're,

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if nobody's dying, there's no blood, everybody's just upset.

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And then all of the, and the doorbell's ringing and the pot is boiling.

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We're not in a life or death situation, but what we've trained ourselves is when

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something is coming at me, I am required to respond, I'm obligated to respond.

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And then that anxiety, you know, increases and then, um, and, uh, then

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we end up being victim to or enslaved by things outside of us and we're

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giving our giving power over to it.

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So we have to choose, Nope, I'm not under any obligation.

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And then, and then you just kind of like quiet yourself with like various

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tools that I, that, um, that I suggest in there, and usually the fastest

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one is to just tell yourself, okay, whatever it is that's going on, just

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And then you, uh, and then you just kind of choose yourself and realize

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I'm not under obligation for anything.

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I can let the pot boil over the kids can scream for just one more second.

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And I don't have to rush to the door.

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I can have a moment.

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You are in charge, not only of you, but of your home and you take charge,

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meaning like for your internally, the only way you can actually legitimately

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take charge outwardly is if you've taken charge inwardly.

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So you do that, you choose yourself first, because if you don't choose

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yourself first, you won't have what everyone else needs.

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The person at the door, all the kids in the pot, they're all waiting on you.

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So you have to, you have to have you to give.

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And so when you do, you will also notice that when we're not as reactive

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and we actually just thought we actually don't, we don't react to situations.

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We stopped for just a second and then making a decision of like, okay,

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now what do I want to do?

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Meaning like not what I want to do is in like, what feels good.

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I mean, like me of my own free.

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Well, how do I want to handle the situation?

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How do I want to handle the kids?

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How do I handle how to handle the pot?

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How do I want to handle the door?

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You have that right to decide.

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So, um, I know it sounds really weird and it sounds selfish, but

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you're choosing yourself first.

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You're like, who does God say that I am?

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Is God good or not?

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And who is, he made me to be.

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And, and, uh, and so anyway, that kind of helps in those situations, but yeah, it'll

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just get, it'll just get easier.

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Um, I still struggle with that.

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My goodness.

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Uh, you know, I have to, I have to do this all day, every day.

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So, but I promise you it does get easier.

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It's just that more of my flesh is being exposed as I run into new situations or

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people, or sometimes even old situations, but, you know, always at a deeper level.

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And, um, and so I just choose, do I want to feel obligated and enslaved, or do I

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want to live in power and freedom by choosing that I am who God says that I am?

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And one of those, one of the, um, helps to that is to choose yourself, um, and to

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realize you're not under any obligation to do any of it, to react to any of it.

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That that is all of those things that want your attention.

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It is, it is there.

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Um, uh, it is your gift to them, to respond in the way that you choose to give

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yourself, um, it, oh, and so that was the other thing I was going to say when you

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stop and actually approach life from that perspective of like, you're choosing how

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it is that you want to handle it.

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And you give yourself a moment and you handle it offensively instead of

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reactively everything in your life, including your children over time will

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become more peaceful because a lot of times there are things in this spirit

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slash soul, whatever you want to call it that are responding to our fear or

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responding to our anxiety and parents who have a very, very anxious.

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And I've worked with some parents who are extremely anxious, extremely

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their children battle major anxiety.

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And they don't know that, that, that, that was created because

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of the anxiety of the parents.

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Um, and they don't, they don't know that.

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So anyway, the thing is that, um, uh, and I don't believe that's in anybody in here.

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I don't believe that it's any of y'all's households.

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I'm just mentioning that I've actually watched that kind of thing.

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I've seen that thing kind of play out.

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And, uh, so regardless, even if they're like, even if we're talking like little

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kids and they're not anxious, there's an element of, of fear when a parent

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is more operates more reactively and basically in the home and they

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realize that their parent, that they have that power to cause their

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parents to react instead of guide them.

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That does not make a child feel safe.

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So anyway, I was just mentioning that it's like yet another benefit of it's

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not, of the more and more that we shift into rest, we're shifting to that

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at operating according to who it is.

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Scott says that we are, and we start operating more power and authority

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and creation, including other people's souls will begin to change

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and respond to that authority because everything, other people's souls,

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little souls, you know, or adult souls or aspects of creation are all waiting

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for the manifestation of the sense of God.

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They're all waiting for a king.

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They're all waiting for order.

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They're all waiting to feel safe.

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And so anyway, so that's just mentioning like a benefit that comes so that our

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environments end up changing as a result of us.

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So is that helpful?

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Okay, good, good.

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So, like I said, you know, it'll, it'll come.

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So, um, the, you know, what it is that we're talking about in the rest

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intensive is to help everybody know.

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And under, and, and actually begin to live operating in rest, but to, but to

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also understand it and own it for themselves so they know how to, how to

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shift into rest and apply it to a variety of situations and examples

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that we never end up discussing.

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So that's the purpose of this time to help people actually start living it.

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But, you know, I'm still learning how to do it to deeper levels.

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And, um, and, uh, anyway, so, and remember that even Jesus spent time learning.

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He wasn't born knowing he had to learn.

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And it says that in the Bible, it says he learned obedience by

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the things that he suffered.

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Even Jesus learned obedience.

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He had to learn obedience, the Bible said.

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So, and it doesn't mean that he ever sinned.

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My point is that there was a process and a journey.

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And so there's nothing wrong with us taking the journey.

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We're not condemned along the way because we're not there yet.

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So I, part of being in rest is not worrying so much about where it is that

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you are like, Oh, well, what, why am I having a difficult time doing this?

336
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Well, I'm just like, I'm just having a difficult time doing this.

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You know, I'm just struggling to shift into rest in this area or these types of,

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I still am triggered by da da da da da.

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I'm like, okay, the more that I let it go and continue to choose the Lord, the

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faster I end up shifting in those areas.

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It's where I get upset with myself and think, Oh my word, why aren't I past this?

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Or why does this still bother me?

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Or why does this bother me at all?

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When I get, when I, uh, when I get.

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concerned about it, it starts slowing the progress of maturity.

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I let go of it. I move through it faster.

347
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So, again, just release yourself.

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Stop.

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I'm not saying you're doing this.

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I'm just telling everybody this, you know,

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just release yourself and just allow yourself to to journey, not focus on getting

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somewhere.

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So.

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So anyone have something else for us?

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I do enjoy looking at y'all, but

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that has a question.

357
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Hey, go ahead.

358
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Hi, I'm not sure I had posted the question the other day about and I didn't know if

359
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you wanted to answer it, like aside from this, just about

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about the healing journey and about

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oftentimes we see in the Bible that Jesus healed instantaneously.

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The almost every example of how he healed

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instantaneously and just being surrounded in a

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church culture where people go after, you know, signs, wonders and miracles and

365
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instantaneous healings.

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And those are beautiful to celebrate.

367
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But I mean, what is your understanding of how come we don't?

368
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What would be explanation as to why we don't experience it's more of a process

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for a lot of people than it is instantaneous.

370
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Yeah, to be honest, I really don't I really don't know it.

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There's that there's an aspect that a friend of mine refers to.

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And this is from a friend of mine who's

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extremely sick, extremely.

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And he said that sometimes it's that there that there's something.

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So in other words, I'm telling you that something that somebody else said that's

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actually like walks that has to walk this out with the Lord daily.

377
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And he said that we all want an instantaneous whatever,

378
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whether it's an instantaneous healing or it's something else, something else that

379
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God talks about in scripture as an aspect of our inheritance.

380
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Why can't I walk in it now?

381
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Why can't I just like cross this threshold and boom, I'm there and boom,

382
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I'm experiencing it, my life just changes, you know, flips on a dime.

383
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And so one of the things that he talks

384
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about is the fact that there is a he doesn't know why that it doesn't happen

385
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instantaneously and have a lot of people that are in people that I know and people

386
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that my husband knows and both of us have said under various different healing

387
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trainings and the people of those two trainings talk about the fact that they

388
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have like walked with and and personally helped, you know,

389
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personally been involved with the Lord in healing people and raising people

390
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from the dead. Right.

391
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You know, these aren't these aren't amateurs.

392
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They know what they're doing and they have studied it and they train other people,

393
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et cetera, meaning studied it in scripture and they've trained other people, et cetera.

394
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And they will tell you both the people

395
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that trained and the people that train and the person that trained me is

396
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is they will say sometimes we don't know

397
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why it either takes a while or why the person doesn't get healed at all.

398
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And so these are people who are literally

399
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known around the world for their healing ministries.

400
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And they even say there's an as weird as it sounds,

401
00:23:31.240 --> 00:23:34.480
there's still a mystery sometimes to an aspect of healing.

402
00:23:34.680 --> 00:23:36.000
So we don't know why.

403
00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:39.600
And so I say that to say we don't know why sometimes it takes a process.

404
00:23:39.800 --> 00:23:42.440
It's it's a journey instead of instantaneous.

405
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:44.800
And that goes for more than just physical healing.

406
00:23:44.800 --> 00:23:47.480
It goes for internal healing, goes for inner wounds.

407
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:49.760
It goes for generational

408
00:23:49.960 --> 00:23:53.920
healing from things that have come to our DNA from the generations or,

409
00:23:54.120 --> 00:23:56.960
you know, I don't know, stepping into a new measure of our inheritance.

410
00:23:57.160 --> 00:24:02.760
We don't know why it's it takes time while other people were instantaneous.

411
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Like some people stop being drug addicts

412
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instantaneously by a touch from the Lord and other people have to battle it.

413
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They have to battle through the withdrawal

414
00:24:12.360 --> 00:24:16.760
or people who had homosexual lifestyles and then some of the you know,

415
00:24:16.760 --> 00:24:19.440
some of them actually have to just make a decision between them.

416
00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:21.320
Oh, Lord, OK, Lord, I don't believe you know,

417
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I believe that you're telling me this is this is now wrong.

418
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And but now they they still have to have to battle that, you know,

419
00:24:28.800 --> 00:24:30.840
those old urging's and all of that stuff.

420
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And so for some people, it's a process and some people it's instantaneous.

421
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Like it can make God look and feel to us

422
00:24:37.120 --> 00:24:41.280
is very unfair if we're viewing him through the world's eyes and not through

423
00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:44.680
his eyes. But anyway, so back to what my friend said,

424
00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:48.000
I got a little and went on a little bunny trail there.

425
00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:54.240
My friend says that there is something very special in in actually going

426
00:24:54.440 --> 00:25:00.000
through the process, because that means that you are overcoming in a very unique way.

427
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:09.200
And he said that from, from what he believes and, and has kind of like, uh, I don't, he

428
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:13.640
didn't explain this to me, but, but just kind of like what it is that he had it.

429
00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:17.000
So I'm, this is me not putting words in his mouth, but trying to explain to you what I

430
00:25:17.000 --> 00:25:22.920
know that, uh, what I believe, you know, um, is his background is I believe that he is

431
00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:27.960
just kind of like what it is that he's observed or, or quote unquote learned from others,

432
00:25:27.960 --> 00:25:35.280
whatever is that there seems to be an interesting measure that in gifting that God provides

433
00:25:35.280 --> 00:25:41.080
for those who've actually gone through the process of overcoming the way that he explains

434
00:25:41.080 --> 00:25:49.320
it is then you, those people have something to give other people that are struggling,

435
00:25:49.320 --> 00:25:54.920
that the people that were instantaneously touched by God don't seem to have.

436
00:25:54.920 --> 00:25:57.120
I'm not telling you that I understand that.

437
00:25:57.120 --> 00:25:59.840
I'm not even telling you that's what I believe.

438
00:25:59.840 --> 00:26:00.840
And I'm teaching.

439
00:26:00.840 --> 00:26:06.120
I, because I don't fully know that is something that a friend of mine who teaches about this

440
00:26:06.120 --> 00:26:12.600
kind of thing talks, says, he says that there is some kind of a special thing, like as if

441
00:26:12.600 --> 00:26:18.640
you have received something you can now give away because you overcame, you went through

442
00:26:18.640 --> 00:26:20.000
that process with the Lord.

443
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:21.880
I don't mean you overcame of your own power.

444
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I mean, you went through the process with the Lord and that was an overcoming that enables

445
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you to now have something between you and the Lord that you can now spiritually impart

446
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to other people.

447
00:26:34.680 --> 00:26:40.080
He said that in a, and I, again, he didn't word it this way, but it sounds, but from

448
00:26:40.080 --> 00:26:44.760
what I under, this is how I understood, cause I've heard him talk about this multiple times

449
00:26:44.760 --> 00:26:45.760
from what I understand.

450
00:26:45.760 --> 00:26:50.900
It seemed to me like he was saying the people that just get instantaneously like either

451
00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:58.700
healed or something else there's, they don't have some, I don't, I don't even fully understand

452
00:26:58.700 --> 00:26:59.700
it.

453
00:26:59.700 --> 00:27:01.740
They don't have it to give away.

454
00:27:01.740 --> 00:27:04.140
That's how he simplistically puts it.

455
00:27:04.140 --> 00:27:09.360
Um, but, um, I mean, I personally know of people that I pray for all kinds of things

456
00:27:09.360 --> 00:27:16.540
for the spirit to come on all kinds of people, um, including healing and, uh, and God will

457
00:27:17.300 --> 00:27:23.020
amazingly heal other people, but they are not getting healed, you know, or, uh, there

458
00:27:23.020 --> 00:27:29.380
are some, usually the people, at least from, from my research, the people that, uh, that

459
00:27:29.380 --> 00:27:37.100
are used to preach something usually battled the strongest with what it is that they preach.

460
00:27:37.100 --> 00:27:42.460
Like for instance, the people who, um, uh, who are known for healing ministries, they

461
00:27:42.460 --> 00:27:48.820
typically have someone in their family or, you know, close to them that no matter what

462
00:27:48.820 --> 00:27:53.760
they do, they can't get healing for even, even they will take him to other healing ministers

463
00:27:53.760 --> 00:27:58.780
who have healing ministries like theirs and they get prayed and they pray for them and

464
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nothing happens.

465
00:27:59.780 --> 00:28:05.020
And they're going, Lord, I, I, I, I touch people and heal them.

466
00:28:05.020 --> 00:28:09.340
I touch people and raise them Lord from the dead.

467
00:28:09.340 --> 00:28:13.620
And why can't my daughter get healed or, you know, whatever.

468
00:28:13.620 --> 00:28:18.580
So the, and so these people still preach it, still believing it, still knowing it.

469
00:28:18.580 --> 00:28:22.100
And yet this is what they're having to walk out with the Lord in their own private lives.

470
00:28:22.100 --> 00:28:26.220
There's been some things that they prayed for it for their families and boom instantaneously

471
00:28:26.220 --> 00:28:29.500
or the next 24 hours or whatever.

472
00:28:29.500 --> 00:28:33.220
And then including death, you know, I know some of these people like bring them back

473
00:28:33.220 --> 00:28:35.100
from the life, bring them back from death.

474
00:28:35.100 --> 00:28:36.100
It's just amazing.

475
00:28:36.460 --> 00:28:39.900
But then there are other people they pray for and they're like, especially people that

476
00:28:39.900 --> 00:28:40.900
are most dear to them.

477
00:28:40.900 --> 00:28:44.380
And they're like, I don't know why it won't get through.

478
00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:48.420
And so those are the people is that that's an extreme example of what it is you're asking

479
00:28:48.420 --> 00:28:49.420
about.

480
00:28:49.420 --> 00:28:50.420
Like, why is it not instant?

481
00:28:50.420 --> 00:28:51.700
Why is it sometimes not instantaneous?

482
00:28:51.700 --> 00:28:53.460
And sometimes it takes a long time.

483
00:28:53.460 --> 00:28:56.340
Well, I added, well, sometimes it didn't happen at all.

484
00:28:56.340 --> 00:28:58.740
So like, what is the difference between all this?

485
00:28:58.740 --> 00:29:00.900
To be honest, I don't know.

486
00:29:00.900 --> 00:29:05.780
All I know is some of the things, you know, is, and what I, I speak of are the things

487
00:29:05.780 --> 00:29:11.940
that I do believe, you know, about the Lord is in like, um, is in the fact that, well,

488
00:29:11.940 --> 00:29:14.020
he says that we're healed in the spirit.

489
00:29:14.020 --> 00:29:15.020
Okay.

490
00:29:15.020 --> 00:29:16.700
Well, you know, that's, that's from the Lord.

491
00:29:16.700 --> 00:29:17.980
So therefore I believe it.

492
00:29:17.980 --> 00:29:21.820
How does it reconcile with all this other stuff that we're seeing on earth?

493
00:29:21.820 --> 00:29:23.260
I don't know.

494
00:29:23.260 --> 00:29:30.300
All I know is that, but I can't base my faith on what God said.

495
00:29:30.300 --> 00:29:36.940
I can't have faith in it after he reconciles all of this for me, I have to, in a manner

496
00:29:36.940 --> 00:29:42.060
of speaking, abandon it, abandon it ever being reconciled and choose this, why this still

497
00:29:42.060 --> 00:29:43.060
exists.

498
00:29:43.060 --> 00:29:48.060
I don't know, but I don't have to understand all of this in order to choose by faith.

499
00:29:48.060 --> 00:29:49.060
Yeah.

500
00:29:49.060 --> 00:29:50.060
But you said so.

501
00:29:50.220 --> 00:29:54.700
So, and then I just continue to go, continue to go with that.

502
00:29:54.700 --> 00:29:59.020
So in other words, I don't know, but what I've told you is like the best that I can

503
00:29:59.020 --> 00:30:00.020
understand.

504
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.960
And, um, and Ed went in fact, and I were just talking about this the other day

505
00:30:00.020 --> 00:30:00.020


506
00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:08.480
that the lady that, that taught him some things that sat under that he

507
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:10.020
sat under to learn about healing.

508
00:30:10.020 --> 00:30:14.920
He, and she, and his, uh, and her, her husband had a worldwide healing

509
00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:19.560
ministry that was just, that was deliverance, prayer, inner healing,

510
00:30:19.560 --> 00:30:21.240
physical healing, all kinds of stuff.

511
00:30:21.660 --> 00:30:26.580
And, um, watch thousands and thousands and people and touch them and touch

512
00:30:26.580 --> 00:30:29.340
their lives and trained all of these other people and now have this healing

513
00:30:29.340 --> 00:30:30.440
school and all this good stuff.

514
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:36.320
And, um, and she's talks about the fact he's that healing is still a mystery,

515
00:30:37.040 --> 00:30:39.240
but of course, God is still a mystery and we believe in him.

516
00:30:39.840 --> 00:30:43.240
And so mystery in God's world is a good thing.

517
00:30:43.320 --> 00:30:47.760
Um, it's not, and he says that he himself is shrouded in darkness.

518
00:30:48.120 --> 00:30:51.400
It says that the treasures of his are found in darkness because we've

519
00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:53.000
associated darkness with evil.

520
00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:56.600
And God never said that that darkness is, is evil.

521
00:30:56.780 --> 00:31:00.900
He says that he is, and mystery is in the darkness and treasures

522
00:31:00.900 --> 00:31:02.480
are found in, in the darkness.

523
00:31:02.860 --> 00:31:05.300
And he just means that treasures are found in mystery.

524
00:31:05.720 --> 00:31:09.940
And, um, so anyway, we don't fully know and have an explanation or at least I

525
00:31:09.940 --> 00:31:13.740
don't, and the people that I've listened to that, like I said, are known for like

526
00:31:13.740 --> 00:31:18.180
raising people from the dead and stuff like that, um, they, they talk about

527
00:31:18.180 --> 00:31:22.700
the fact that for the, for the hundreds of thousands of people that they have

528
00:31:22.700 --> 00:31:25.540
ministered to is that sometimes you just don't know.

529
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:27.040
So I'm sorry.

530
00:31:27.040 --> 00:31:31.400
I know it's not a pat answer, but it's what it's, it's all that I, it's

531
00:31:31.400 --> 00:31:32.840
all that I know and understand.

532
00:31:32.840 --> 00:31:38.160
And so I just based my faith on what he said and just continue to look and

533
00:31:38.160 --> 00:31:41.880
choose him over what ends up happening.

534
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:44.560
I've prayed for my healing and I prayed for others healing.

535
00:31:44.800 --> 00:31:48.960
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't like I've prayed for people.

536
00:31:49.080 --> 00:31:53.240
I've talked to their soul and their body a long way off and they were healed.

537
00:31:54.100 --> 00:31:57.900
And then I've also talked to myself and I was healed, but I've done that for

538
00:31:57.900 --> 00:32:01.060
other people and I've done that for other ailments of mine and nothing happened.

539
00:32:01.780 --> 00:32:03.740
So what's the difference?

540
00:32:03.820 --> 00:32:04.500
I don't know.

541
00:32:04.900 --> 00:32:07.860
Cause all I know is like, okay, Lord, I keep trying.

542
00:32:07.860 --> 00:32:11.340
And that's what all of the people who, who have healing ministries will say

543
00:32:12.140 --> 00:32:17.120
sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't, and they just kept on and they

544
00:32:17.120 --> 00:32:18.980
had to choose God over the results.

545
00:32:19.840 --> 00:32:24.360
Um, and they had to choose God for who he was instead of using

546
00:32:24.360 --> 00:32:26.160
God to try to get the results.

547
00:32:26.360 --> 00:32:28.160
So anyway, that's the best I got.

548
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:37.240
So, so speaking of that, I think somebody else asked a question recently

549
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:40.600
about physical healing that I haven't answered yet in the, in the post.

550
00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:42.640
I could just want to run.

551
00:32:42.680 --> 00:32:43.840
I could just talk about that.

552
00:32:45.160 --> 00:32:46.520
Do anybody have an outstanding question?

553
00:32:46.520 --> 00:32:48.880
If not, I can just go in later and answer.

554
00:32:49.960 --> 00:32:55.840
So trying to remember what was, I had one more quick question.

555
00:32:57.280 --> 00:33:06.960
Um, so I had mentioned that when I think about, um, the father and Jesus and holy

556
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:10.240
spirit, like I feel super connected to Jesus and holy spirit, and that's kind

557
00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:14.880
of always been, but I know there's a disconnect with connecting with the

558
00:33:14.980 --> 00:33:19.380
father and I, and I know that it has to do with my relationship with my earthly

559
00:33:19.380 --> 00:33:24.980
father and having done like all the things, you know, go through the

560
00:33:24.980 --> 00:33:29.780
generational things and all the doing and having powerful conversations with

561
00:33:29.860 --> 00:33:31.260
my family members, all the things.

562
00:33:31.260 --> 00:33:33.780
And there's just nothing, there's just nothing more to do.

563
00:33:33.780 --> 00:33:38.460
And, and, um, but I, I still know that it's like a hindrance.

564
00:33:38.580 --> 00:33:40.860
There's like something there that's blocking.

565
00:33:41.160 --> 00:33:45.280
And so I just don't know if there was anything that any insight you might have

566
00:33:45.280 --> 00:33:50.840
on that and like, obviously I don't want to experience any disconnect and, um,

567
00:33:51.600 --> 00:33:57.040
yeah, and, and without going into do mode of the things I need to do to, to bridge

568
00:33:57.040 --> 00:33:57.640
that gap.

569
00:33:58.360 --> 00:33:58.840
Yeah.

570
00:33:59.280 --> 00:34:03.720
Um, and you're talking about, I'm assuming that you're talking about how to bridge

571
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:05.560
the gap with God, the father, right?

572
00:34:05.560 --> 00:34:08.560
Not that's what I thought the question was about.

573
00:34:09.100 --> 00:34:12.580
And you were just comparing it to your, your experience with your earthly father.

574
00:34:12.620 --> 00:34:19.739
Um, well, uh, not a really, I had a really wonderful father, but my, uh, I

575
00:34:19.739 --> 00:34:24.060
still struggled with, uh, God, the father, because there were still some things

576
00:34:24.060 --> 00:34:27.860
that, that, um, well, I just struggled with the God, the father just period,

577
00:34:27.900 --> 00:34:31.739
but relationship to my earthly father.

578
00:34:31.739 --> 00:34:37.500
There were some things that, that because he expressed himself in

579
00:34:37.500 --> 00:34:42.400
particular ways and he interact with me in particular ways, I just assumed I

580
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:45.280
took those things on God, the father as well.

581
00:34:45.280 --> 00:34:47.120
You know, my father's human, just like anybody.

582
00:34:47.400 --> 00:34:50.760
And so even though he was a very good father and I was connected to him and

583
00:34:50.760 --> 00:34:55.120
whatever, there were some very major things that made me, that I struggled

584
00:34:55.120 --> 00:35:00.040
with just as, as a, as a child, where that he's trying to raise, you know, the best.

585
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.000
way that he can. And so I also had to have some aspects of God, the father disconnected from my

586
00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:12.560
earthly father, like how it is that I viewed him and to stop connecting them. And one of the,

587
00:35:13.200 --> 00:35:21.040
one of the things is that I just had to, had to begin to, the best word I can use for it is kind

588
00:35:21.040 --> 00:35:27.680
of like disassociate. I know that that's really challenging, but it was, it was kind of different

589
00:35:27.680 --> 00:35:35.680
than, than disconnecting. And I don't know why that word kind of works for me a bit better,

590
00:35:35.680 --> 00:35:44.160
but to kind of disassociate God and my experience with him and who he is from anything that I could

591
00:35:44.160 --> 00:35:51.360
compare it to here on earth, because there was just so much sin here. There was so much,

592
00:35:51.600 --> 00:36:00.400
um, what's the word? Um, I don't know, just kinks. Uh, so, so, so much that couldn't be

593
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:09.920
so much independent, um, uh, lack of dependability of, um, of things being consistent or safe or

594
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:16.240
whatever. And he says that he's the opposite of all of those things that I just said. And so I

595
00:36:16.240 --> 00:36:23.920
realized I can't, like what I was just saying earlier, I couldn't reconcile him to any

596
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:32.800
experience that I've had. And I had to begin to choose him as very other and my experience with

597
00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:38.800
him to, and start anticipating my experience and interacting with him to be very other,

598
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:45.760
as opposed to trying to grab a known. And in order to understand an unknown,

599
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:53.440
it was like, I had to just see, that was the only thing that began to help me finally, uh, break,

600
00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:04.240
stop associating God with past experiences with other people. Um, and, uh, it's just because I

601
00:37:04.240 --> 00:37:09.760
had to kind of think of him as just very other. And again, he keeps saying these things,

602
00:37:10.560 --> 00:37:15.680
but I don't see it regardless of whether I'm like, well, yeah, but I don't see you doing this God,

603
00:37:15.680 --> 00:37:21.680
or I'm like, yeah, but that's not what my father did. So I don't understand or, and a lot of times

604
00:37:21.680 --> 00:37:27.120
our don't understand is really just simply, I don't understand how that can be. It's not that

605
00:37:27.120 --> 00:37:31.520
we don't understand what God's saying necessarily. If he's saying he's good, sometimes it's just

606
00:37:31.520 --> 00:37:35.840
kind of, or like, Hey, I'll always be with you. Sometimes it's just kind of like, how can that,

607
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:42.000
how can that be? Because we're comparing it to another experience. Um, but using words with

608
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:51.200
myself, like I have to disassociate from, from my, my father and like experiences with him in order

609
00:37:51.200 --> 00:38:00.960
to choose the Lord that for me was a powerful word. Um, but, uh, I just had to choose that my

610
00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:09.200
experience that Mike's when I approached God that my, to anticipate that my experience was going to

611
00:38:09.200 --> 00:38:16.880
be whatever it is that he gave to me that he had me, uh, Oh my gosh, how do I explain this? I had

612
00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:20.960
it. And then I was, and then I was trying to phrase it. I was like, Oh, that's a perfect way

613
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:27.120
to describe it. Basically that I approached God and allowed him to show up like he wanted

614
00:38:27.680 --> 00:38:34.160
without me trying to anticipate so that I could, uh, anticipate what he might be like,

615
00:38:34.160 --> 00:38:39.600
or what the interchange might be like, or the experience or the, or the interaction. Um,

616
00:38:39.600 --> 00:38:44.960
and a lot of times we'll try to use our past experience interaction and try to project that

617
00:38:45.520 --> 00:38:52.240
onto the Lord in order to make ourselves feel safe. And like, we're not going like we can,

618
00:38:52.240 --> 00:38:57.280
because if we know what we're going into, we feel better about it. We feel safer and we're not as

619
00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:02.720
scared, you know? And I had to, and I realized that I didn't have enough. God kept saying he

620
00:39:02.720 --> 00:39:07.600
was so different than what it is that I knew that in order that I was, it was keeping me from

621
00:39:07.600 --> 00:39:13.440
believing him. Cause if I kept comparing him to what I knew, then he was never, I never allowed

622
00:39:13.520 --> 00:39:19.120
him. I never believed him to be who he said that he was. So I had abandoned this and then just go

623
00:39:19.120 --> 00:39:24.800
to him and be like, okay, so who are you? Because it, and kind of start coming to him without

624
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:31.280
preconceived ideas or notions, or quite honestly, in a manner of speaking, even desires, it's not

625
00:39:31.280 --> 00:39:36.320
that I didn't desire him to be something, but I had to, again, kind of like let go of my emotional

626
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:41.600
requirement of him, that he be something, or you look like something or that he make me feel a

627
00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:50.080
particular way. And I, I, I don't know if that's encouraging to you or not. It's, but it's it's

628
00:39:50.080 --> 00:39:54.800
just kind of what I had to do and something that I have realized. And so I'm just going to take

629
00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:59.840
the time to say this. There are, there, there might be some of you.

630
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:11.000
that are just really struggling with certain aspects of choosing God, having faith in God, etc.

631
00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:20.000
I never in any way want to make this to seem hard or complicated or anything like that.

632
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:27.000
And if something is too big of a gap for you to have faith in,

633
00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:34.000
remember what I've said, just agree with and have faith in Him to the degree that you can.

634
00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:40.000
And God calls it good, right? Remember, He looks on you and He calls you good.

635
00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:43.000
There's nothing wrong with you being where it is that you are.

636
00:40:43.000 --> 00:40:46.000
And then the more that you choose that, the more that it kind of like builds your faith,

637
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:50.000
and then to choose Him a bit more, and then that might just take time.

638
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:58.000
But the other thing is realize that sometimes there might be many of you, my situation was very extreme.

639
00:40:58.000 --> 00:41:07.000
So that enables me to walk people through this that are also in very extreme situations.

640
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:13.000
But understand that what drove me to it, drove me to doing this in the way that I did,

641
00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:16.000
where I just would choose God, and where I keep talking about like,

642
00:41:16.000 --> 00:41:23.000
well, I know that it doesn't reconcile and I just like had to abandon things and be very reckless and just had to choose.

643
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:32.000
That what enabled me to do that was being in such a desperate place where I had tried everything else.

644
00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:39.000
I had vented to people, I had complained, I had not complained and kept it all in and tried to be the good little girl.

645
00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:44.000
And then I had tried and then I allowed myself to be a transparent mess.

646
00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:49.000
I had tried to seek counselors and help and I had tried to do it on my own.

647
00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:52.000
I had tried everything. I'd read the Bible from cover to cover.

648
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:59.000
I had gotten mad at God. I had been nice to God. I'd done everything and nothing worked.

649
00:41:59.000 --> 00:42:07.000
So finally, for me, it was desperation that allowed me to make very drastic choices.

650
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:19.000
However, that was my situation. Understand that some of you might be so hurt and so bruised.

651
00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:25.000
So very sensitive as if what you as if you feel.

652
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:30.000
Now, I had felt abused, meaning like I don't I'm not saying that I was abused.

653
00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:37.000
I'm saying that I the symptoms that I had, it felt like I'd been an abused victim kind of a thing.

654
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:40.000
It was I was under so much hurt and I was so very sensitive.

655
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:43.000
I mean, it was like everything in my life just felt like a bruise.

656
00:42:43.000 --> 00:42:45.000
It was just so sensitive to the touch. Right.

657
00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:57.000
So if some of you were to a place where you just feel so sensitive and you can't and none of this stuff is making sense or it's just feels more condemning.

658
00:42:58.000 --> 00:43:04.000
And it just feels too hard and it feels like yet God is just asking one more thing of me.

659
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:17.000
You know, then what I would mention to you is that I would I would recommend that y'all look for a place where where you might be able to get some healing.

660
00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:23.000
Because then if you were so sensitive that you can't make some of these choices sensitive.

661
00:43:23.000 --> 00:43:28.000
And I don't mean I'm not. I just suddenly realized how some people can take sensitive.

662
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:31.000
What I mean by sensitive is like someone barely touches you when it hurts.

663
00:43:31.000 --> 00:43:37.000
That's what I mean. I don't mean sensitive in the derogatory way that other people talk about.

664
00:43:37.000 --> 00:43:39.000
But you're just too sensitive. That's not what I'm saying.

665
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:56.000
I'm talking about you're you're just so bruised and your experiences get you hurt at every turn that if some of this is too big and too much for you, you just may not be where I was to be able to make these choices.

666
00:43:56.000 --> 00:44:06.000
And you need and God wants to heal on you and kind of like walk you through maybe even a a gentle, more gentle path.

667
00:44:06.000 --> 00:44:13.000
And you might just need some personal, spiritual, some healing from from some some spiritual groups.

668
00:44:13.000 --> 00:44:29.000
If any of you need a recommendation, I have the the place that my husband used to volunteer for for years that taught him so much of what he knows about inner healing to the point where he became known for it.

669
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:34.000
And that's, I mean, he was saying the other day, he's like, Ashley, have you ever heard of so-and-so?

670
00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:39.000
I was like, no, why? And he said, well, someone called the university that he no longer works for.

671
00:44:39.000 --> 00:44:42.000
He no longer he works at Morningstar, but no longer works at the university.

672
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:49.000
Someone called the university asking for me and that they need me to like meet with them and pray with them and all of that.

673
00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:52.000
Well, he's not any on any of those inner healing teams anymore.

674
00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:56.000
He's now, you know, the director of the School of the Prophets, completely different thing altogether.

675
00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:59.000
And so he was like, who is this person? I don't know.

676
00:44:59.000 --> 00:44:59.000


677
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.040
People who have interacted with him, tell other people, and they're all trying to call

678
00:45:06.040 --> 00:45:07.040
not all of them.

679
00:45:07.040 --> 00:45:09.680
It's not like they're, it happens all the time, but try to contact Morningstar trying

680
00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:13.320
to find this Ed Perez that they can talk to.

681
00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:18.440
My point is that this is the group in, I think they're in, yeah, they're in Florida.

682
00:45:18.440 --> 00:45:19.760
I've been to them.

683
00:45:19.760 --> 00:45:22.680
I went there last, uh, last year, this year.

684
00:45:22.680 --> 00:45:23.680
I don't remember.

685
00:45:23.680 --> 00:45:24.680
It was probably this year.

686
00:45:24.680 --> 00:45:25.680
Yeah, it was.

687
00:45:25.680 --> 00:45:26.680
It was this year.

688
00:45:26.680 --> 00:45:33.320
I went this year for healing because I was so hurt and so wounded.

689
00:45:33.320 --> 00:45:39.240
I needed God to love on me, to meet me in a very traumatic wound that I had from childhood.

690
00:45:39.240 --> 00:45:41.920
And no, it didn't involve a human being.

691
00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:46.880
It was, it was a spiritual attack that, you know, that I never, that I didn't even recognize

692
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:50.360
what had happened until I think I was in my twenties.

693
00:45:50.360 --> 00:45:55.520
I was in my late twenties, two decades later that I found out, I finally realized that

694
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:59.840
was a demonic attack that had majorly traumatized me.

695
00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:05.080
And I would start, I, anyway, so Ed finally found out, you know, that I'd had some kind

696
00:46:05.080 --> 00:46:06.600
of a trauma when I was young.

697
00:46:06.600 --> 00:46:10.120
And so, and he started seeing how things were affecting me.

698
00:46:10.120 --> 00:46:14.800
And so he's like, he dropped everything one day and he said, I am literally driving you

699
00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:17.160
down to Florida today.

700
00:46:17.160 --> 00:46:23.760
So we drift and so, and he said, uh, and because he has connections down there, he said, uh,

701
00:46:24.080 --> 00:46:27.760
he set up a prayer time with some people that he knew.

702
00:46:27.760 --> 00:46:29.720
In fact, one of them was his spiritual mom.

703
00:46:29.720 --> 00:46:31.160
He's this really fun black lady.

704
00:46:31.160 --> 00:46:34.920
So she's, she's got herself a little attitude and so she's great.

705
00:46:34.920 --> 00:46:39.880
And so she sat with me and was very gentle with a couple of other ladies and they helped

706
00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:45.880
walk me through spiritual healing from a childhood trauma at five.

707
00:46:45.880 --> 00:46:48.560
So, uh, anyway, I have done it.

708
00:46:48.560 --> 00:46:53.000
And then these are the people that taught my husband how to walk people very gently

709
00:46:53.240 --> 00:46:54.240
through inner healing.

710
00:46:54.240 --> 00:47:00.320
In fact, the guy who's now here at Morningstar, who is over all of the online university students,

711
00:47:00.320 --> 00:47:06.240
he used to, he up until a few months ago was the director of that, of that inner healing

712
00:47:06.240 --> 00:47:07.240
school.

713
00:47:07.240 --> 00:47:11.360
My point is I have a lot of connections down there to the point where I can like verify

714
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:13.200
these people are kind.

715
00:47:13.200 --> 00:47:16.160
I have been through multiple sessions with them.

716
00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:17.520
They're extremely kind.

717
00:47:17.520 --> 00:47:19.160
They are very gentle.

718
00:47:19.160 --> 00:47:23.880
So if some of y'all are there, that is just fine.

719
00:47:23.880 --> 00:47:25.360
It's just fine.

720
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:27.600
We're all at different parts of the journey.

721
00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:32.200
That would have been beneficial to me way back when God began taking me on this journey

722
00:47:32.200 --> 00:47:37.000
where I was starting to make these radical choices, but I didn't have that available.

723
00:47:37.000 --> 00:47:42.040
I didn't have anyone around me to, you know, to give me any kind of direction as to where

724
00:47:42.040 --> 00:47:50.920
I could get, how I word this, where I could get lucked on and, and get, and just kind

725
00:47:50.920 --> 00:47:58.520
of get my, um, I don't know, just to have my pain acknowledged, understand that the

726
00:47:58.520 --> 00:48:05.000
people down there that I'm, I'm referring to, they don't, they don't have, have you

727
00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:10.280
talk much, by the way, I just tell you very generally, and then they take you before the

728
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:13.000
Lord because they want the Lord to heal you.

729
00:48:13.000 --> 00:48:16.840
They're just there as a support so that you don't feel alone.

730
00:48:16.840 --> 00:48:18.840
And so they can kind of like spiritually guide you.

731
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:23.440
They spiritually prepare the room before, before, and they spiritually prepare themselves.

732
00:48:23.440 --> 00:48:26.680
And then they have God tell you what he wants to tell you.

733
00:48:26.680 --> 00:48:28.880
They do not advise you.

734
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:30.480
They do not preach to you.

735
00:48:30.480 --> 00:48:32.200
They do not counsel you.

736
00:48:32.200 --> 00:48:37.160
They take you before God and let the Holy spirit very, very, very gently love on you

737
00:48:37.160 --> 00:48:38.240
to begin healing you.

738
00:48:38.240 --> 00:48:44.200
So my point is saying that is I don't want any of y'all, all the rest intensive is supposed

739
00:48:44.200 --> 00:48:45.200
to be hopeful.

740
00:48:45.200 --> 00:48:49.000
It is supposed to make you start relaxing.

741
00:48:49.000 --> 00:48:54.400
And if you're finding that the things that I'm saying actually increased frustration

742
00:48:54.400 --> 00:49:00.240
or anxiety or hurt, or more condemnation that, you know, you're struggling with this, that

743
00:49:00.240 --> 00:49:08.200
and the other, maybe you just need some gentle touch from the Lord, you know, um, and, uh,

744
00:49:08.360 --> 00:49:14.520
so, and then, and then, so I would recommend that to get help everybody get what it is

745
00:49:14.520 --> 00:49:17.600
that they need for where it is that they are.

746
00:49:17.600 --> 00:49:24.080
So the whole point of this is to give you rest and peace in the Lord.

747
00:49:24.080 --> 00:49:26.200
And everybody has a different journey.

748
00:49:26.200 --> 00:49:28.920
The rest intensive is not for everyone.

749
00:49:28.920 --> 00:49:33.000
It's just not because it doesn't click for some people.

750
00:49:33.000 --> 00:49:36.000
It's I believe it's still from the Lord and this is the way he still operates through

751
00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:39.960
all of us, but it just doesn't click for some people, some people, it just doesn't

752
00:49:39.960 --> 00:49:40.960
make sense to them.

753
00:49:40.960 --> 00:49:44.360
It just doesn't meet them where it is that they are or whatever.

754
00:49:44.360 --> 00:49:50.520
So, um, so anyway, I just wanted to mention that in case anybody is feeling frustrated

755
00:49:50.520 --> 00:49:53.720
or if anybody is getting more hurt.

756
00:49:53.720 --> 00:49:55.920
So maybe, and hopefully that that's not the case.

757
00:49:55.920 --> 00:49:59.680
I just wanted to make sure that y'all knew.

758
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.640
that y'all heard from me, if nothing else, that you heard comfort and love and peace and rest,

759
00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:16.400
that I wanted you to hear that you're enough, that you can stop trying. In other words, you stop

760
00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:24.080
putting so much exertion and effort into anything, that you're enough for as you are,

761
00:50:24.080 --> 00:50:29.600
and that you rely on the Lord to help you through things, and that it's nothing harder

762
00:50:30.160 --> 00:50:37.200
than simply choosing. So, and I just try to explain in as best of a way that I can,

763
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:45.200
of what choosing, of how easy choosing is, and that you can't shift into rest by working for it.

764
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:53.600
You can't use exertion and sweat in order to enter rest. You have to rest to enter rest.

765
00:50:54.320 --> 00:51:00.400
So, so anyway, I just wanted to mention that in case that was very helpful and like comforting

766
00:51:00.400 --> 00:51:09.120
to people, is that there's nothing that, that if people weren't hearing enough hope and freedom

767
00:51:09.680 --> 00:51:16.560
and love, and just, and just, and lack of condemnation in what I was saying,

768
00:51:17.440 --> 00:51:27.840
it's probably, it might just be that you are so hurt that you can't, that you can't even believe

769
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:33.920
that you're enough to be able to make a choice. I finally had to get to the point, I was just

770
00:51:33.920 --> 00:51:38.880
desperate enough to make a choice. I didn't think it was worth it. I was just desperate enough,

771
00:51:38.880 --> 00:51:42.560
but that was me. That was my journey. And so that, that clicks with a lot of people.

772
00:51:42.560 --> 00:51:46.320
And some people, that is just not their journey. And that is not their background. And they were

773
00:51:46.320 --> 00:51:51.120
not where I was, wherever that was. So they have a different personality. I'm a very driven

774
00:51:51.120 --> 00:51:56.720
personality very much. And I just like, if I decide that I, if I just get something in my mind,

775
00:51:56.720 --> 00:52:04.160
I drive for it. That's why I was very good as a business consultant. I can have a hard

776
00:52:04.160 --> 00:52:09.120
conversations with people. I was usually the only woman in the room that was making decisions. And

777
00:52:09.120 --> 00:52:15.120
so if that tells you anything, so so anyway, I kind of had to hold my own in life. And so I,

778
00:52:15.120 --> 00:52:20.800
that was just the journey that the Lord took me on. So if you just need to be loved on a bit,

779
00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:26.000
then I happen to know a place. There are other places. You probably have mentors and counselors

780
00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:30.560
and other people that you can go to. I just wanted to mention in case some of you are like me,

781
00:52:30.560 --> 00:52:35.680
and you literally did not have a place to go. I happen to know one it's a, they do it on zoom.

782
00:52:36.240 --> 00:52:41.600
So you don't have to go to Florida. They do it on zoom and it is free. You put in an application

783
00:52:41.600 --> 00:52:45.840
and then they will pray about it. And then they will give different times that, that people that

784
00:52:45.840 --> 00:52:53.120
they can meet with you, et cetera. And, um, for, or a time that they suggest and anyway, but, um,

785
00:52:53.120 --> 00:52:56.640
they don't form they're very interesting. They don't form a relationship with you.

786
00:52:57.440 --> 00:53:05.040
So it's not about, it's not about finally being seen and heard by them because that's not what

787
00:53:05.040 --> 00:53:11.680
they offer themselves. They just offer safety, gentleness, and anonymity in a way. Like you

788
00:53:11.680 --> 00:53:16.160
won't know how to contact these people again. So to speak, I mean, the organization, yes,

789
00:53:16.160 --> 00:53:21.760
but not necessarily the people they take you before the Lord and they let the Lord heal you.

790
00:53:21.760 --> 00:53:28.560
So anyway, for what that's worth, um, what time is it? So we just have seven more minutes.

791
00:53:29.120 --> 00:53:32.400
Does anyone have another question or anything?

792
00:53:38.480 --> 00:53:41.920
If not, I I've got a, I've got a question I can pull up.

793
00:53:45.360 --> 00:53:48.480
Okay. I have a question. I don't want to be the one asking all the questions. Um,

794
00:53:49.600 --> 00:53:55.680
my question has to do with boundaries and the fact that I've always been really awful

795
00:53:56.480 --> 00:54:03.200
at holding boundaries and why that would be and how I can improve in that.

796
00:54:04.000 --> 00:54:09.440
It's usually very much. Um, it's very common in performers. In other words, people that think we

797
00:54:09.440 --> 00:54:15.200
have to work is, um, because that's what it carries over into. We believe that we're responsible for

798
00:54:15.200 --> 00:54:19.200
everybody else because we believe God holds us accountable for literally everything that happens

799
00:54:19.200 --> 00:54:24.800
in our lives and including the lives of those around us. We're just responsible for everything.

800
00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:29.760
Somehow we get that in our minds people, you know, and I could have even told that about you

801
00:54:29.760 --> 00:54:34.880
without you even telling me anything. And the reason for it is I knew when I put you, uh, I

802
00:54:34.880 --> 00:54:42.880
think the very first day I put you in a, um, I put you in a, uh, a, uh, that like when I divided

803
00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:47.040
everybody into the rest groups and I knew I said, okay, Casey's going to be taking charge of that

804
00:54:47.040 --> 00:54:51.200
room, you know, not taking charge, but like, like being the leader of like, okay, you know,

805
00:54:51.200 --> 00:54:55.200
so who wanted to start or, you know, whatever to kind of like help people along,

806
00:54:55.200 --> 00:54:59.520
you were going to be the one to start the conversation. And I knew that because in having

807
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.480
did enough with each of you, I could tell, which if you're, if people act as a leader,

808
00:55:04.480 --> 00:55:09.060
they're usually a performer, meaning that they felt responsible for everyone.

809
00:55:09.060 --> 00:55:13.080
And so they naturally, as soon as they walk into a room, they emotionally start trying

810
00:55:13.080 --> 00:55:14.520
to carry everybody.

811
00:55:14.520 --> 00:55:20.560
They start to be very good at feeling a room because they're trying to figure out where

812
00:55:20.560 --> 00:55:21.560
they're safe.

813
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:24.000
They're trying to figure out how safe am I?

814
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:32.080
Leaders are usually develop a great sensitivity to feeling other people because they're trying

815
00:55:32.080 --> 00:55:38.440
to make sure that they're safe and, oh dear, my computer is low on battery, which is very

816
00:55:38.440 --> 00:55:44.560
odd because it shouldn't be, but that also means that we have a tendency to take charge.

817
00:55:44.560 --> 00:55:47.600
I know all this because this is me.

818
00:55:47.600 --> 00:55:48.920
Just a second, I have to plug this in.

819
00:55:48.920 --> 00:55:56.880
But yeah, we have a tendency to take charge of everything, not because we're like wanting

820
00:55:56.880 --> 00:56:03.360
to, but because we feel responsible and we feel that we're going to be held responsible.

821
00:56:03.360 --> 00:56:10.000
And therefore, as weird as that sounds, it makes us feel safe to be in control and in

822
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:15.800
charge because then if we're responsible for the outcome, like if we're accountable to

823
00:56:15.800 --> 00:56:23.200
God or to our mom when we were young or to, I don't know, to someone else, if we're responsible

824
00:56:23.200 --> 00:56:27.480
for the outcome, then we want to be able to control it.

825
00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:31.120
We feel emotionally responsible for everything.

826
00:56:31.120 --> 00:56:36.920
And so anyway, so that shows that's evidence of a lack of boundary that can, it usually

827
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:43.600
flows into a lack of boundaries because if you're emotionally responsible for everybody,

828
00:56:44.040 --> 00:56:47.600
yes, you're emotionally, you're responsible for their response.

829
00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:53.200
And so you're going to let them dictate what happens so that you can, so that you can respond

830
00:56:53.200 --> 00:56:59.960
appropriately because if you choose yourself instead of them, you aren't, they could, you

831
00:56:59.960 --> 00:57:04.120
never know how they're going to react and then you're going to be responsible for that.

832
00:57:04.120 --> 00:57:10.000
So you're just going to let them dictate to you in a manner of speaking, how you need

833
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:15.800
to be flexible and help control the situation, help make sure that they feel okay, you know,

834
00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:16.800
et cetera.

835
00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:21.280
So that's, you're going to allow that to encroach on your own territory and that's because you

836
00:57:21.280 --> 00:57:23.360
feel responsible for them.

837
00:57:23.360 --> 00:57:27.160
And so you'd rather absorb it in order to take care of them.

838
00:57:27.160 --> 00:57:28.680
Does that make sense?

839
00:57:28.680 --> 00:57:32.240
So that's a lack of boundaries.

840
00:57:32.240 --> 00:57:38.080
So anyway, so that's the reason that we do all that, which I feel that that kind of like,

841
00:57:38.080 --> 00:57:43.560
there's an answer in it that didn't really resolve anything, but that's why we do that.

842
00:57:43.560 --> 00:57:45.040
So that makes sense.

843
00:57:45.040 --> 00:57:46.040
It did.

844
00:57:46.040 --> 00:57:47.040
Yeah.

845
00:57:47.040 --> 00:57:48.040
Yeah.

846
00:57:48.040 --> 00:57:51.200
And I learned all of that through myself and then I started noticing it never in other

847
00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:52.200
people too.

848
00:57:52.200 --> 00:57:53.200
And I'm like, oh my word.

849
00:57:53.200 --> 00:57:58.760
So I literally thought I was responsible for everything.

850
00:57:58.760 --> 00:58:10.520
I do mean everything and everyone, and that if, if they got that, no, no matter if anybody

851
00:58:10.520 --> 00:58:13.800
else would look at it and say, oh, well, actually that had nothing whatsoever to do with you

852
00:58:13.800 --> 00:58:15.280
at all.

853
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:19.400
Even if I could realize and acknowledge that like somebody else's response had nothing

854
00:58:19.400 --> 00:58:20.400
to do with me.

855
00:58:20.400 --> 00:58:26.280
Even if I could realize and acknowledge that I felt, I felt that I was held responsible

856
00:58:26.520 --> 00:58:34.920
for either for having, uh, for not having helped this situation be avoided or, you know,

857
00:58:34.920 --> 00:58:39.600
or I'm now responsible, even if it couldn't be avoided because nobody could have anticipated

858
00:58:39.600 --> 00:58:40.600
it.

859
00:58:40.600 --> 00:58:42.320
I was now responsible to fix it.

860
00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:44.240
I don't know how to explain to you.

861
00:58:44.240 --> 00:58:51.200
I literally felt responsible for everything, everywhere, all the time.

862
00:58:51.200 --> 00:58:54.440
And so I had no boundaries.

863
00:58:54.440 --> 00:58:57.240
And then of course it just makes you feel worse, worse, worse about yourself.

864
00:58:57.240 --> 00:59:02.000
So, um, but anyway, so that's, that's how I know what I know, but yeah, it's very, it's

865
00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:07.880
very common for, um, for people that, uh, that are, that are performers because that

866
00:59:07.880 --> 00:59:11.960
means that they feel their God is holding them accountable to everything.

867
00:59:11.960 --> 00:59:17.920
And that obviously just fall transfers over to people because people are part of the,

868
00:59:17.920 --> 00:59:18.920
everything.

869
00:59:18.920 --> 00:59:19.920
Yeah.

870
00:59:20.920 --> 00:59:21.920
So, yeah.

871
00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:28.320
Well, I have a follow up question because I feel like you just read my mail.

872
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:32.760
Um, how did you, you know, you said this was an issue for you.

873
00:59:32.760 --> 00:59:38.960
Like what steps did you take to help or is there an anchor that you have that helps you

874
00:59:38.960 --> 00:59:44.760
kind of hold on to, if you see yourself starting to feel responsible for everything again,

875
00:59:44.760 --> 00:59:49.040
everyone, how do you walk out of that?

876
00:59:49.160 --> 00:59:56.440
One of the, one of the deepest rooted things that I did was I began to, uh, choose that

877
00:59:56.440 --> 00:59:59.560
because of who the Lord said that I am, that I have value.

878
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.600
And a lot of times people who are feel responsible for everybody else believe that they don't,

879
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:07.680
that everyone else is more valuable than they are.

880
01:00:07.680 --> 01:00:08.680
And that's what I thought.

881
01:00:08.680 --> 01:00:15.400
I literally thought, in fact, including into maybe my thirties and I'm 38.

882
01:00:15.400 --> 01:00:20.680
So into my thirties, I thought, and I, and I was very resentful against the Lord about

883
01:00:20.680 --> 01:00:21.680
this.

884
01:00:21.680 --> 01:00:25.760
I told the Lord, I said, Lord, I feel that my, that what you have, that the lot you have

885
01:00:25.760 --> 01:00:36.100
given me and what you are requiring of me is that my life is supposed to simply be available

886
01:00:36.100 --> 01:00:41.660
to help everybody else make the life that they want possible.

887
01:00:41.660 --> 01:00:46.800
Because that's what I found myself doing is I found myself, um, always being the person

888
01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:50.920
that people calls when they wanted something.

889
01:00:50.920 --> 01:00:56.160
And so I thought that I didn't have any value in any worth other than helping other people

890
01:00:56.160 --> 01:00:57.800
get what they wanted.

891
01:00:57.800 --> 01:01:02.600
And then I was watching them live the life that I wanted, you know, but I was responsible.

892
01:01:02.600 --> 01:01:03.880
God wasn't giving it to me.

893
01:01:03.880 --> 01:01:10.360
And instead I had to be available to help make their life, this good and beautiful life.

894
01:01:10.360 --> 01:01:13.560
Not just possible, but help it actually happen.

895
01:01:13.560 --> 01:01:17.760
So anyway, so that was a huge thing is when I began to realize that I actually had value

896
01:01:17.760 --> 01:01:19.080
and I had to choose that.

897
01:01:19.080 --> 01:01:23.520
It wasn't like this realization that came on me because, you know, it just like came

898
01:01:23.520 --> 01:01:25.240
over me like liquid honey.

899
01:01:25.240 --> 01:01:28.780
You know, I just, I had to make a choice.

900
01:01:28.780 --> 01:01:30.240
What has God said?

901
01:01:30.240 --> 01:01:33.000
And then I'm going to be, I'm going to be radical about it and choose it.

902
01:01:33.000 --> 01:01:35.600
And then have him show me, okay, because this is true.

903
01:01:35.600 --> 01:01:38.480
Well then how does that walk out into life?

904
01:01:38.480 --> 01:01:45.560
But usually I could, once I'm whole, then I can present myself as whole in the relationship.

905
01:01:45.560 --> 01:01:49.320
And I automatically start interacting with that person in those situations and those

906
01:01:49.320 --> 01:01:53.040
old lack of boundaries in a brand new way.

907
01:01:53.040 --> 01:01:56.240
Because I realized that I had as much value as the other person.

908
01:01:56.240 --> 01:02:00.320
And then it wasn't my value against their value.

909
01:02:00.320 --> 01:02:03.340
It was just the fact that I actually had value at all.

910
01:02:03.340 --> 01:02:09.300
And now in interacting with them, it just caused me to begin to make different decisions

911
01:02:09.300 --> 01:02:10.300
in the moment.

912
01:02:10.300 --> 01:02:12.240
So that's one of the things that I did.

913
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:16.160
In fact, it's honestly the biggest one because you're not devaluing other people in order

914
01:02:16.160 --> 01:02:17.880
to make yourself valuable.

915
01:02:17.880 --> 01:02:19.360
There's no lack in the kingdom.

916
01:02:19.360 --> 01:02:23.600
So it's just that I was giving them value and I just wasn't giving me value.

917
01:02:23.600 --> 01:02:27.840
Problem was I came to resent other people is because they had value and I didn't, and

918
01:02:27.840 --> 01:02:29.560
I was responsible for them.

919
01:02:29.560 --> 01:02:33.400
So it created a deep rooted resentment and bitterness, which is very sad.

920
01:02:33.400 --> 01:02:37.560
And it's totally the opposite of, of doing things for somebody out of love.

921
01:02:37.560 --> 01:02:40.240
But so that was a big thing.

922
01:02:40.240 --> 01:02:42.800
I thought there was something else that I had thought of.

923
01:02:42.800 --> 01:02:49.000
I read a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry McLeod, and it is very, very good.

924
01:02:49.000 --> 01:02:51.720
I don't know that I completely agree with all of it.

925
01:02:51.720 --> 01:02:54.680
I'm going to have to go back and reread some of it.

926
01:02:54.680 --> 01:02:59.200
Because some of it sounds to me like it comes from, I think that they were Christians, but

927
01:02:59.200 --> 01:03:00.200
I'm not sure.

928
01:03:00.200 --> 01:03:07.320
But some of it just seemed to come from a way that I didn't, and this is just me talking,

929
01:03:07.320 --> 01:03:16.120
this is where it didn't seem like they were, I, I didn't see that looking like the way

930
01:03:16.120 --> 01:03:18.680
Jesus interacted with people.

931
01:03:18.680 --> 01:03:23.360
And it sometimes not all of it, because some of it on my word, it opened my eyes, but then

932
01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:28.360
to things, but then certain examples that they would use, I'm like, no, Lord, is that

933
01:03:28.360 --> 01:03:36.880
just me barking at it, you know, and resisting, or do you, you know, or is that not, or are

934
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:41.080
not all of the examples the way that Jesus lived?

935
01:03:41.080 --> 01:03:47.480
I will also tell you that all of our boundaries need to be made from the perspective of love,

936
01:03:47.480 --> 01:03:48.480
not of self-protection.

937
01:03:48.480 --> 01:03:50.600
That's very important.

938
01:03:50.600 --> 01:03:53.200
So boundaries aren't bad.

939
01:03:53.200 --> 01:03:54.200
Boundaries are very good.

940
01:03:54.200 --> 01:03:55.240
The boundaries are healthy.

941
01:03:55.240 --> 01:03:56.640
They keep things in order.

942
01:03:56.640 --> 01:04:02.080
God is a, is God of order, and God himself is the one who created boundaries.

943
01:04:02.080 --> 01:04:10.040
But the boundaries are there to provide order and structure, and so, but they need to be

944
01:04:10.040 --> 01:04:16.560
established in love, not self-preservation, because in self-preservation, that is lording

945
01:04:16.560 --> 01:04:21.040
over our value over someone else's, and I know that all of us here are very afraid of

946
01:04:21.040 --> 01:04:22.040
that in ourselves.

947
01:04:22.040 --> 01:04:29.760
We're very afraid of valuing ourselves and being selfish over someone else, but understand

948
01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:32.400
that that's out of fear and self-protection.

949
01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:37.600
If we, if we increase ourself more in the love of the Lord, then, and we, and boundaries

950
01:04:37.600 --> 01:04:43.440
naturally flow from a son of God, just like God from God himself, they flow from a son

951
01:04:43.440 --> 01:04:47.120
of God, and they're just established in love, but there's still boundaries, because those

952
01:04:47.120 --> 01:04:55.280
boundaries actually are healthy to increase, increase spiritual flow and increase the spirit

953
01:04:55.280 --> 01:05:00.000
on the earth, not inhibit it, but a lack of boundaries inhibits.

954
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.000
um, inhibits, uh, the spirit because it's chaos. So anyway, but the boundary has to be in love,

955
01:05:06.000 --> 01:05:10.640
not self-protection. So many of those are some thoughts. I mean, if I haven't fully answered

956
01:05:10.640 --> 01:05:14.240
your question, you can let me, let me know. Oh, okay. Well, what about this?

957
01:05:14.240 --> 01:05:18.560
No, I think it's helpful. I think it's something I'm actively walking through. So I'll probably,

958
01:05:18.560 --> 01:05:23.200
in my journey shares have more questions later. Cause it's, you know, I think my value,

959
01:05:23.760 --> 01:05:30.320
if there was any value for myself, it was tied to my ability to control the outcome

960
01:05:31.040 --> 01:05:38.720
and help people respond positively, live their best lives, et cetera. And I know the Lord is

961
01:05:38.720 --> 01:05:46.160
asking me to surrender that, but it feels like it's going to be messy before it is whole. And

962
01:05:46.160 --> 01:05:53.520
I think that's what I'm like press into. I know. Yeah. And trust that I won't get stuck in the

963
01:05:53.520 --> 01:05:59.920
mess, you know? Cause I think part of it, it does feel selfish. It does feel anti everything I've

964
01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:04.880
kind of given my it's a life. I think it's the life of, of a lot of people in ministry,

965
01:06:04.880 --> 01:06:12.000
quite honestly, they stick, they get stuck here because their value is tied to how they can help

966
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:16.640
people and their outcomes. And it affects even like for me, I think it's gotten into

967
01:06:16.640 --> 01:06:21.600
close relationships where I, like you were talking and I'm like, that's why it's so exhausting to

968
01:06:21.600 --> 01:06:28.000
socialize right now. Cause I literally show up into a room and I'm like overstimulated, like,

969
01:06:28.800 --> 01:06:34.560
you know, internally, cause I'm picking up so much stuff. And then I'm trying to make people

970
01:06:34.560 --> 01:06:39.600
feel better and bring joy to this person and, you know, not make this person sad.

971
01:06:40.240 --> 01:06:46.880
Yeah, exactly. I know. I know exactly. And then rescue and everything. Yeah. That can,

972
01:06:47.680 --> 01:06:54.880
it can really hibernate us in because social, uh, the people then become exhausting.

973
01:06:55.440 --> 01:07:00.960
Um, instead of, instead of a joy to discover an aspect of the Lord. And so, I mean, one of the

974
01:07:00.960 --> 01:07:07.360
things that I have to do with the rest intensive is, um, I have to, and this is just as an example,

975
01:07:08.080 --> 01:07:17.440
I, um, you know, I, uh, hold everybody, you know, in, in love and, and, um, really care

976
01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:21.840
about everybody on their journey. But one of the things that I have to be careful of and why I've,

977
01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:27.280
and I'll, I'll be perfectly transparent. And I, uh, why I burnt out multiple times

978
01:07:27.280 --> 01:07:31.840
in the past two and a half years and why there's about a year to a year and a half between major

979
01:07:31.840 --> 01:07:36.320
rest intensives, but, you know, because like, this is my third, like big one. And other times

980
01:07:36.320 --> 01:07:41.520
I've done like mini ones or whatever. The reason that there has been such a huge gap is burnout.

981
01:07:41.520 --> 01:07:47.600
And be perfectly honest. And it's because one of the things I have to do is how do I, how I have

982
01:07:47.600 --> 01:07:52.880
to ask and walk with the Lord. Okay. How do I help? And, and Lindsay phrased this for me one day.

983
01:07:52.880 --> 01:07:56.560
She's like, well, actually what you're doing is you're carrying people through breakthrough. And

984
01:07:56.560 --> 01:08:02.560
I'm like, ah, that's a perfect phrase for it. I'm like carrying people like, like spiritually, um,

985
01:08:02.560 --> 01:08:07.040
emotionally, you know, whatever through their breakthrough in their own, but I don't get to

986
01:08:07.040 --> 01:08:13.200
control what it is that y'all believe or what it is that you hear me say, or what it is that you

987
01:08:13.200 --> 01:08:20.720
decide to do or whatever. And, um, and I, and I don't, and I don't get to choose the outcome.

988
01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:30.160
So I have to be careful to not try to emotionally control the outcome or feel that I'm emotionally

989
01:08:30.160 --> 01:08:36.479
responsible for the outcome. And that's what I've historically done so much is I, and I've gotten

990
01:08:36.479 --> 01:08:44.640
burned out because I can't, God gave me me to carry and then to support other people that I

991
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:49.200
can't be. However many people are in the rest intensive, intensive. I don't know. I think

992
01:08:49.200 --> 01:08:57.120
there's like maybe nine total or something like that. I I'm one person. I'm not nine or 10. You

993
01:08:57.120 --> 01:09:03.200
know, if you count me, I'm not, I'm just for me. So like what I was telling everybody else,

994
01:09:03.200 --> 01:09:07.359
what I've been telling all of y'all, we have to release the outcomes to the Lord. Y'all are my

995
01:09:07.359 --> 01:09:11.920
outcomes. I always have to release the Lord because I have a very difficult time because I care so

996
01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:18.880
much emotionally, not grabbing something. And I have to, I have to let it go and just let God do

997
01:09:18.880 --> 01:09:24.720
whatever it is he wants, allow it to be a journey as opposed to a destination, you know, et cetera.

998
01:09:24.720 --> 01:09:30.080
And so anyway, and that's being me, me being perfectly transparent with y'all,

999
01:09:30.080 --> 01:09:37.920
that that's something that I struggle with is not trying to emotionally be, I can't think of the

1000
01:09:37.920 --> 01:09:43.040
word, but just feel emotionally accountable for the outcome of what it is that y'all,

1001
01:09:43.040 --> 01:09:49.439
that everyone chooses because, and like I was, I was telling you Casey, well, and then of course

1002
01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:55.440
you asked the follow-up question, Lindsay, you know, that this thing of boundaries,

1003
01:09:55.440 --> 01:09:59.840
I've had to learn boundaries in all of this process because in.

1004
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.280
And part of that is like, what am I responsible Lord versus not responsible

1005
01:10:04.280 --> 01:10:11.040
for, because I have a tendency to take it all on, but I'm not responsible

1006
01:10:11.320 --> 01:10:13.520
for everyone and everything.

1007
01:10:13.820 --> 01:10:18.160
So I give what it is that I can, and I have a tendency to go too far.

1008
01:10:18.820 --> 01:10:22.240
So the Lord has to kind of back me up and sometimes and say, you know,

1009
01:10:22.240 --> 01:10:23.200
Ashley, they're mine.

1010
01:10:23.200 --> 01:10:24.120
They're not yours.

1011
01:10:24.560 --> 01:10:27.120
So you can't, I don't mean that I'm trying to control y'all.

1012
01:10:27.120 --> 01:10:29.280
What I'm talking about as far as like the control is that I

1013
01:10:29.280 --> 01:10:33.520
emotionally start carrying things like, oh my word, you know, are they okay?

1014
01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:34.640
Or, oh my goodness, let's see.

1015
01:10:34.640 --> 01:10:36.440
How can I, how can I explain this to them?

1016
01:10:36.440 --> 01:10:39.440
Cause it looks like they're, they're, they're struggling with understanding

1017
01:10:39.440 --> 01:10:42.760
this and, oh my word, that listening to their, to their post, oh my word.

1018
01:10:43.200 --> 01:10:44.200
That's too complicated.

1019
01:10:44.200 --> 01:10:45.080
They think it's too hard.

1020
01:10:45.120 --> 01:10:45.680
Oh no, no, no.

1021
01:10:45.960 --> 01:10:47.200
It's a lot freer than that.

1022
01:10:47.200 --> 01:10:48.600
I want them to understand it.

1023
01:10:49.040 --> 01:10:50.680
I don't want them to be so happy.

1024
01:10:50.680 --> 01:10:51.640
I want them to be light.

1025
01:10:52.200 --> 01:10:55.440
So all of that thing we have been taught is caring.

1026
01:10:55.800 --> 01:10:57.040
We thought that's godly.

1027
01:10:57.040 --> 01:11:02.640
We thought that's love that godliness and love does not burn you out.

1028
01:11:03.560 --> 01:11:04.600
You know what I'm saying?

1029
01:11:04.600 --> 01:11:09.240
So anyway, so like I said, being perfectly transparent with y'all, that's my struggle.

1030
01:11:09.720 --> 01:11:18.640
How do I help everyone without taking on God's job emotionally trying to, trying

1031
01:11:18.640 --> 01:11:26.640
to, uh, be, uh, uh, swayed too much and affected by, um, by y'all's, uh, by

1032
01:11:26.640 --> 01:11:32.080
y'all's part of the journey, because then I can't be what you need me to be.

1033
01:11:32.480 --> 01:11:36.640
You're where you are and you don't need me to be there in order to help you.

1034
01:11:36.680 --> 01:11:39.280
Cause if I'm there to no help to nobody.

1035
01:11:39.720 --> 01:11:45.840
So, so anyway, um, uh, but that's something that the Lord is working with me through.

1036
01:11:45.840 --> 01:11:49.440
And actually that is one of the reasons why I I'm in Lindsay's group, uh,

1037
01:11:49.440 --> 01:11:51.280
kingdom messengers advancement.

1038
01:11:51.720 --> 01:11:54.640
And that's one of the reasons that I'm in her, in their group, in her group.

1039
01:11:54.640 --> 01:11:57.440
And in my journey share in her group, that was the thing that I

1040
01:11:57.440 --> 01:11:59.440
vulnerably expressed to those people.

1041
01:11:59.440 --> 01:12:02.480
I was like, okay, so the reason I'm here, I didn't know any of them.

1042
01:12:02.520 --> 01:12:04.520
I was like, okay, just FYI, that's who I am.

1043
01:12:04.520 --> 01:12:05.400
This is what I do.

1044
01:12:06.120 --> 01:12:07.600
And I'm going to be very vulnerable here.

1045
01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:12.800
The thing that I struggle with is I care so much and give so much to my rest

1046
01:12:12.800 --> 01:12:17.840
intensives every time that I have consistently burnt out, you know, two

1047
01:12:17.840 --> 01:12:23.560
and a half years and, um, over and over and over because I'm giving so much.

1048
01:12:23.560 --> 01:12:26.480
So I'm trying to learn with the Lord, Lord, where's the boundary?

1049
01:12:26.880 --> 01:12:30.560
Cause I have a tendency Lord to be unhealthy in my boundaries with people

1050
01:12:31.000 --> 01:12:33.520
to just, to, you know, to be taken over.

1051
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:35.320
I did that with my siblings growing up.

1052
01:12:35.320 --> 01:12:37.080
I did that with all of my friends.

1053
01:12:37.160 --> 01:12:40.120
Um, I did that, you know, I've always been the leader.

1054
01:12:41.080 --> 01:12:45.760
I think I've been involved in, I was the president of my sorority, you know, I just,

1055
01:12:45.960 --> 01:12:47.520
and I was the chaplain before that.

1056
01:12:47.520 --> 01:12:52.360
I mean, I'm always something, you know, and, uh, and so, and I was always

1057
01:12:52.360 --> 01:12:55.960
noticed as a leader and then made to be more of a leader in various

1058
01:12:55.960 --> 01:12:58.000
positions and it's exhausting.

1059
01:12:58.360 --> 01:13:03.520
I loved it, but I didn't know how to do it in a way that I wasn't.

1060
01:13:04.360 --> 01:13:06.760
Feeling responsible for everyone.

1061
01:13:06.800 --> 01:13:10.960
Um, to God, like God was holding me personally accountable for everybody

1062
01:13:10.960 --> 01:13:14.120
else's ups and downs, you know, in college or in whatever.

1063
01:13:14.120 --> 01:13:19.160
So, um, I mean, to give you an idea about what it is that I've, I've carried, I've

1064
01:13:19.160 --> 01:13:24.840
carried two people through such severe depression that one of them was cutting

1065
01:13:24.840 --> 01:13:28.680
themselves and the other one, this was in college and then the other one was so

1066
01:13:28.680 --> 01:13:32.920
anorexic that had, had, had her parents not rescued her.

1067
01:13:32.920 --> 01:13:35.880
She, um, two weeks later, she would have been in the hospital.

1068
01:13:36.760 --> 01:13:40.200
And I was in severe depression and no one knew because I had

1069
01:13:40.200 --> 01:13:41.760
to be strong for everyone else.

1070
01:13:42.200 --> 01:13:44.880
So, I mean, I just kind of like go to the answer to green.

1071
01:13:44.880 --> 01:13:46.920
And fortunately I did not learn my lesson from that.

1072
01:13:46.920 --> 01:13:50.560
And here I am 38 still, you know, learning, but it's one of the aspects

1073
01:13:50.560 --> 01:13:53.040
of rest is who does God say that I am?

1074
01:13:53.560 --> 01:13:59.040
And I have to be that in order to be what everyone else needs from me

1075
01:13:59.040 --> 01:14:00.800
in order to be healthy and whole.

1076
01:14:00.800 --> 01:14:03.000
So that when they come to me, I can be supportive.

1077
01:14:03.040 --> 01:14:04.000
I can be loving.

1078
01:14:04.320 --> 01:14:06.400
I can be comforting and I can be strength.

1079
01:14:07.200 --> 01:14:10.240
Um, so anyway, I don't know why I told you all that.

1080
01:14:10.240 --> 01:14:11.760
I hope I'm not going to have virus remorse.

1081
01:14:11.760 --> 01:14:16.280
Like Ashley, my goodness, but y'all, I call all of y'all to be, and ask

1082
01:14:16.280 --> 01:14:17.760
all of y'all to be vulnerable.

1083
01:14:18.120 --> 01:14:20.760
And because that there's power and vulnerability.

1084
01:14:20.760 --> 01:14:22.760
So I know that I can be vulnerable with y'all as well.

1085
01:14:22.760 --> 01:14:27.520
And let y'all know, I speak what it is that I believe in what I live.

1086
01:14:28.160 --> 01:14:31.600
I teach people this because this is how I live.

1087
01:14:31.840 --> 01:14:35.400
You don't have to believe it and you don't have to do it, but I'm just

1088
01:14:35.440 --> 01:14:39.840
going to share with you how I, the great life I get to live.

1089
01:14:40.680 --> 01:14:44.480
And in case anybody wants to live like this, I think it's great.

1090
01:14:45.240 --> 01:14:48.680
So, um, and I'm, and I'm growing at it and everything.

1091
01:14:49.040 --> 01:14:52.720
Um, but, uh, it's still, I'm still human.

1092
01:14:52.840 --> 01:14:53.400
I'm still weak.

1093
01:14:53.400 --> 01:14:54.520
I don't know everything.

1094
01:14:54.680 --> 01:14:57.240
I don't know all of the answers or try to help people as best I am.

1095
01:14:57.240 --> 01:14:59.720
Well, this is what I believe, or this is what I've heard.

1096
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.720
or other things that I'm like, Oh no, this, I, this I'm firmly entrenched in.

1097
01:15:03.880 --> 01:15:05.240
You may not believe it, but I do.

1098
01:15:05.840 --> 01:15:09.520
Um, so, but I am very, I'm very human.

1099
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:12.800
I just try to help other people live what it is that, that I live.

1100
01:15:12.800 --> 01:15:15.000
And so I don't, I don't know everything.

1101
01:15:15.000 --> 01:15:15.800
I trust me.

1102
01:15:15.800 --> 01:15:20.120
I am not the most powerful or knowledgeable person that any of you know.

1103
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:22.800
I just, this is just what I have.

1104
01:15:22.800 --> 01:15:28.600
And if you want it, I'll, I'll, um, I personally invest in every single

1105
01:15:28.600 --> 01:15:34.240
person to a, to like literally give piece and parcel of myself to every

1106
01:15:34.240 --> 01:15:36.080
single person who goes through these things.

1107
01:15:36.640 --> 01:15:40.920
And, um, and so I take it on as a, in fact, I used to not invite anyone

1108
01:15:40.920 --> 01:15:43.880
into the rest intensive until I'd spend an hour with them on the phone.

1109
01:15:44.280 --> 01:15:49.520
And then I would invite them or not invite them into the rest intensive

1110
01:15:49.520 --> 01:15:51.720
because I'm literally giving them myself.

1111
01:15:51.720 --> 01:15:55.120
And I have to know, am I investing in someone that's willing to invest

1112
01:15:55.120 --> 01:15:58.240
in themselves, or am I the only one who's going to be investing in them?

1113
01:15:58.240 --> 01:15:59.560
And they just want me to fix them.

1114
01:15:59.920 --> 01:16:00.600
I can't fix them.

1115
01:16:01.200 --> 01:16:04.680
So anyway, um, I haven't done that in a while, but that's what I used to do.

1116
01:16:04.760 --> 01:16:08.760
So anyway, um, who knows what time it is now?

1117
01:16:08.760 --> 01:16:14.320
So, um, I will, um, if y'all have any questions, just put them in the, in the

1118
01:16:14.320 --> 01:16:19.120
chat, I have some posts to go back, um, especially from today, and I've been

1119
01:16:19.120 --> 01:16:23.960
answering the ones from the past and, um, but, uh, I need to make sure to go back

1120
01:16:23.960 --> 01:16:28.840
and make sure I've answered all of them, but, um, um, and I'll answer the ones,

1121
01:16:28.880 --> 01:16:31.600
you know, from today and hopefully that'll be helpful to people.

1122
01:16:32.200 --> 01:16:38.800
And, um, anyway, so I will see y'all Sunday, I guess, so good to

1123
01:16:38.800 --> 01:16:40.400
see all of you have a good weekend.