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Hey, everybody.

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All right, so to get started, I wanted to, instead of starting out with a question, particularly,

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I wanted to give someone the opportunity to give us, to let us know about, you know, where

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it is that they are right now on their journey, how things are going, and just, I don't know,

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just give somebody an opportunity to share and maybe that'll kind of like start some

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discussion or whatever.

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So I kind of want to do something a little different tonight, at least than starting

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out.

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Does anyone have something that they want to share about, you know, where it is that

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they are?

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You don't have to have any answers, but just kind of wanted to hear, you know, just, I

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don't know, just kind of where everybody is on the journey.

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Does anybody feel like sharing and being heard, getting to vocalize it?

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No one has to.

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I will.

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Go ahead, Chris.

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Yeah.

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I didn't put in the journey sharing because I didn't exactly know what to say, but looking

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back on last week, I can see where I wasn't in rest, you know, a sign I was complaining.

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Oh, fascinating.

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That's not something that I've let people know to watch for.

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I mean, like as a sign of when they're not in rest.

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That's amazing.

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You saw it yourself.

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It was at work, different work situations that we have new management, upper high management,

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and they're really juggling things around and it's affecting the team that I work for.

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So you know, I've been at one point in our meeting, we were all kind of complaining.

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And then this week they were, you know, going with the flow and I was complaining.

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And then I realized, no, I'm not in rest.

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I need to, like you talked to me at our last transformation session, just ride the waves

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and go with the Lord.

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And just before this meeting, I listened to session five.

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And I'm still kind of, wow, it's a lot, isn't it?

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It's a lot.

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It's a very, very, very packed in session.

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Yeah.

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I should probably split it out.

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Yeah.

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No, no, that was just really good.

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But do you think because I think I've known some of these things, do you think that, you

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know, like our spirit has known these things, and then when we hear them, we just kind of

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go, wow, and, you know, like, you're talking about our maturity, that it's, it's really

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based on how much we believe the word and what God has said about himself and about

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us.

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Yeah.

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So, yeah.

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So I'm thinking that, you know, when we hear truth, like that hits our spirit, our spirit

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has already known it.

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Correct.

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Yeah.

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And so then it, it really starts making sense.

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We have these aha moments.

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And yeah, it's yeah, not anything major, but just yeah, complaining has got to go out the

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window.

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Negative speaking has got to go out the window.

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That's funny.

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Well, you know, sometimes that happens as we subconsciously try to balance an environment.

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So if everybody else is complaining, well, then unless we have a tendency to just like

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to complain, we have a tendency to some, at least a lot of people do this.

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They try to balance this, balance the emotional environment by doing the opposite.

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So basically kind of like, they feel it's unbalanced and they're always trying to provide

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for the need that they're seeing as weird as that might sound.

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And, um, and so there, you know, if you're, you're trying to be up while everybody else

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is complaining, then when everybody else is going with the flow, it kind of just like

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all of a sudden, all of your issues with it start coming up to the surface.

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And then you start talking about it.

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And sometimes it's under the guise of like, of trying to create balance by bringing realism

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into, into, um, uh, into this situation.

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In other words, okay, well, everybody, y'all do understand it's like this bad, right?

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I mean, and maybe that wasn't your particular situation, but I know that sometimes when

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people complain, or at least when I complain, I've noticed that it's usually when everybody

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else is up as weird as that sounds.

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And my, my, my roommate in college is the one who alerted me to it because she said

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that she does that.

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She has a tendency to try to balance out the emotionally, the situation.

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And all of a sudden I thought, oh my word.

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That explains so much about myself.

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So anyway, that could be just like, you know what that was,

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or it could have just been where it is that, you know,

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that you would have been like that and felt like that

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and all those situations would have,

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all of those feelings could have come to your notice

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based off of maybe like other things

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that you were going through.

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But I just kind of wanted to mention that sometimes

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that can be a prompting for us

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is what emotionally is going on

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in the environment that we're in.

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But like I said, you know, kudos to you to figure it out

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that complaining is a manifestation

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of the fact that we're in unrest.

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But, and yes, you're absolutely right

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that what it is that we already know all of these things.

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And the way that I describe it sometimes

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is I don't teach somebody something,

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like people aren't here to learn something,

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they're here to unlearn things.

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In other words, to remove all of the things

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that had shrouded what it is that we actually already know,

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because it's in our DNA,

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it's what God already created us from the bottom up

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with knowing and being exposed to.

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And it's just the truth itself is in our very DNA.

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And so anyway, we just haven't had access to it

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because we've been hiding it

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or protecting ourselves or whatever.

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And so that's why when we hear it, it sounds familiar.

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It sounds like, wait a minute,

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there's something in my spirit

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that feels like I've always believed that,

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and that I've always known it.

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Even if your mind hasn't, or your soul hasn't,

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that your spirit has, because we're all from the same father.

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So, and it's very different than,

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oh, well, that sounds logical, or that's really cool,

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or that's very motivational or inspirational.

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It's totally different.

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It's what you described.

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It's just this feeling deep down inside of yourself

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that somehow connected to who you are and your existence.

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And that kind of rises within you and comes to life.

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And you're like, I feel like I've always known this,

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but I've never known I've known it.

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And so now that I hear it articulated for my soul

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or for my mind to understand, my spirit is coming alive.

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And I'm like, oh my word.

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It's like light is shined on something

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as opposed to I gained something.

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So people aren't here to gain something.

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We're actually here to just, to, for, to be prompted

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for things that within us to just be prompted

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to come to the surface.

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So that's wonderful.

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I'm very excited for you.

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And it's, and one of the exciting things about it

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is it teaches, it kind of encourages people

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to own this more and more,

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because they realize by feeling that way

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that they already own it,

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that this isn't something that Ashley talks about.

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And isn't this an interesting concept?

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And do I want to live life this way?

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You know, I have like my pick of the litter.

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It's like, it's no, you feel like, no,

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this is actually already who it is that I am.

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And I get to own it.

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There's an aspect of it feels like it kind of can give you

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a bit more of a, not just, not just permission,

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but faith that that is my message from my father to me.

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And there's just, there's just something about it.

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It gives it, that encourages us and strengthens our faith

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to have faith in the Lord more,

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to uncover more truth, et cetera.

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It's when we realize it doesn't belong to someone else.

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It belongs to us already.

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And we're just trying,

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we're just going through this process of discovering

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what is already true, what we already know, et cetera.

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So I'm so excited for you.

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That's great.

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And just for everybody to know in the future,

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something like that is great to talk about, you know,

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in your journey sharing, just something like that,

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just, hey, this is something that I've discovered

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along the way is, you know, it doesn't have to be about,

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oh, well, I was in unrest.

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And so this is how I shifted out of it,

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or I found, or the Lord did this, you know,

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or I don't know, I shifted out of it.

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And then the Lord presented himself like this,

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and it was amazing, et cetera.

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Because we want to hear not just about the struggles,

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we also want to hear about all the victories,

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because the victories are what encourage

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and help everybody else the most.

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Struggles help everybody help the person articulate

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to themselves what's going on,

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only for the purpose of helping them progress

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and move out of it.

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And then they're also helpful for everybody else

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to realize, oh, okay, so I'm not alone.

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I'm not the only one who feels this way

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or struggles with that.

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And then the victories are more encouraging than anything.

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Again, because they focus on the,

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they focus on where it is that we're that,

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where it is that we want to go,

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and whatever we focus on, we feed.

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So we always want to focus on this more than on this,

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because if we focus on this,

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it makes this feel more.

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painful, more awful, more terrible, et cetera. And then part of these victories is what it is

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and when we're taking this journey, like what Chris was talking about that we discover along

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the way, it's like, oh my word, there's this, God gave me this amazing revelation, um, about,

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and, and, um, and he, he met me in this way. He touched me in this way. I feel that I'm much more

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connected to the Lord at a root, you know, cellular level than I even realized. And so,

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and it gives you encouragement, et cetera. So that's perfect. So thanks, Chris. I appreciate

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that. Uh, does anyone have anything else? Um, now you can either share something about what's been

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going on, um, for you this week or, um, or it could be that you have a question. So does anyone,

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does anyone have anything that they wanted to jump in with?

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It's a little bit of a share, but probably more of a question.

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I like Chris have not been able to get on my, in doing a journey share. Um, and part of it is like,

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I'm like, how do I even articulate? Cause I feel like there's a lot of things happening and like,

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but I feel I was trying to focus in before our call on like, what is the big question?

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And I think where I keep getting stuck is around the idea, the concept of choosing me.

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Oh, you've been talking about choosing you in the context of, you know, relationships, boundaries.

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And I'm just, I'm just discovering about myself that like that opened up a whole new world to

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me, but also made me very aware of, you know, habits that I formed over the years when it came

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to how I relate to people and feeling such a sense of responsibility that even if someone

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is volatile towards me, I feel this responsibility to hold things together because well, like I have

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to be Jesus to them. Yeah. To diffuse the situation. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying to figure

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out like, or we just would love some clarity or some insight on like, what does that look like

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when we feel like there has to be some boundaries that are formed? Okay. So I would say a big

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boundary is like withdrawing myself from a relationship or not being as available or

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not being as accessible in a relationship. Um, that's like, I'm just real, that's like really

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hard for me. And I think it's because I keep getting stuck on this concept of, well, if I

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withdraw myself, then there's like no hope for healing or restoration or my actions can be taken

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the wrong way. And then, you know, I don't feel like I'm acting Christ-like there's just a lot

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of layers that I'm, I'm peeling that, you know, it's like I pull off one layer and kind of get

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past it like, Oh no, but we can do, we can still choose me. And then I'm like, no, what about this?

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Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. Okay. So for, as far as choose me, um, the I that's just a

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phrase that I've been using as one of the many ways that we could phrase it because I keep trying

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new phrases to see what, what, what clicks with people, like what actually helps them understand

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what it is that I'm saying? Because sometimes if we talk to theoretical people are like, yeah,

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but I, yeah, but what honor does that mean, et cetera. So maybe I just need to try a, um, explain

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it in a bit of a different way. So when I'm talking about choosing me, I'm not talking about choosing

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us to, as opposed to someone else. So for instance, if you're in the middle of a conversation or a

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situation between you and another person, and in your wonder in these, these, this person, you feel

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emotionally obligated to this person based on either how they're acting or how you've typically

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acted in the, in the, in the historically and say, for instance, that they just, let's just say that

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they're obligating you to something, whether or not they're doing it, or you just feeling it,

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there's an obligation created by one or both parties. So, you know, some, our tendency is to

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think, okay, I need to sacrifice myself for the other person. So what does the other person mean

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need? And therefore I should just, um, I should not, I should just sacrifice myself for what it

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is that I want. And then we're, we call that choosing them. But so when I say, well, we need

236
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to choose us, I'm not exactly talking about it in the same way that we keep thinking of as when we're

237
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in a situation like that, we're used to choosing them. Okay. But now I'm supposed to choose me.

238
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Well, how does that work in that dynamic? I'm actually not really referring to it in the way

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that we're typically using it in a, in a two person. And like, I'm just, I'm using as an example,

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a two person interaction when I'm saying choosing myself, I mean, kind of like owning myself to

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myself, basically kind of getting a sense of self as opposed to allowing myself to be a.

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absorbed into the situation or, you know, or being completely dismissed.

243
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In order to try to handle a situation.

244
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That's what I'm talking about.

245
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I'm talking about, don't allow yourself to get disappeared or absorbed into, I

246
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don't know their emotions or the situation or your decision or whatever is almost

247
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like kind of like gather yourself and choose yourself as basically being

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significant and valuable to the degree that God says that you are, then once you

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do that and you realize, okay, who am I?

250
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It's like gaining, choosing your significance and your value.

251
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That's really what I mean.

252
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I'm not talking about choosing yourself as opposed to choosing someone else as if

253
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your needs are more important than their needs and like, oh, well, only one of you

254
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can be chosen in this situation to choose you.

255
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What I'm trying to say is that you're actually choosing that you have the

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significance and the value that God has put on you and you, and you give yourself

257
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that weight, that weight of significance.

258
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Then once you do that, which in a manner of speaking is completely.

259
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Um, uh, completely, what's the word?

260
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Separated from or, and irrelevant to the situation you're in.

261
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So it can seem like, yeah, but that's not helping me.

262
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Um, in the minute, in the moment, it can feel like, yeah, but that's not

263
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helping me make my decision right now.

264
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But what I'm saying is that's important to get to the point where you have enough

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clarity and, and being able to see it through the eyes of God to now be in

266
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the situation and make the decision.

267
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You can't really, you, you can't make a very clear and, uh, and righteous

268
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decision before having a sense of your own self, like worth to the Lord first.

269
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So you have to get that first because basically the, the thing is, is you have

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to, you have to give yourself enough weight and significance that you're

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actually present in the situation, basically present, um, in, um, uh, you

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know, in like where you've got two people there, because if you don't consider

273
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yourself as having enough weight and significance, then you're not present.

274
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And you know, you'll be absorbed and there's no bound.

275
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You'll be absorbed into the emotional issue, into the obligation.

276
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You won't, you won't give yourself enough, um, uh, not credit, but, uh,

277
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won't give yourself enough, uh, I don't know, I'm just, uh, weight to the

278
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discussion, you'll completely disregard yourself and then you won't be able to

279
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make an appropriate decision.

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If one of the two parties is being completely ignored.

281
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That's what I'm trying to say.

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If we have a tendency to think, okay, well, in order to not be selfish, we

283
00:17:47.560 --> 00:17:49.680
go into default mode of ignoring us.

284
00:17:50.520 --> 00:17:56.480
And that isn't, um, that isn't the way that Christ says that we should not be

285
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selfish.

286
00:17:57.560 --> 00:18:02.760
We actually have to be present in order to not to self, so to speak, meaning

287
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like, you know, if, if you're like, uh, uh, you know, if you're trying to like

288
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help someone else and see them as Christ interact with them as Christ, et cetera,

289
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:14.040
you, it's kind of the same thing of like, we have to mature our will in order to

290
00:18:14.040 --> 00:18:17.520
be able to submit it to the Lord is the same kind of a thing we have to be

291
00:18:17.520 --> 00:18:18.800
present in the situation.

292
00:18:19.120 --> 00:18:22.360
Um, so that's what I mean when I say choose ourself, then after we choose

293
00:18:22.360 --> 00:18:29.080
ourself, now we can, that we can, so to speak, have, have, um, have another part

294
00:18:29.120 --> 00:18:33.360
of the, have one of the parties have enough weight where now you can handle

295
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the environment.

296
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You, now you can make the decision.

297
00:18:36.120 --> 00:18:40.760
Now you can know where the boundaries are and whether or not you should submit to

298
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the obligation and whatever, but you can't do that if you haven't claimed

299
00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:46.080
yourself.

300
00:18:46.120 --> 00:18:48.280
And so you start ignoring yourself.

301
00:18:49.080 --> 00:18:51.360
Um, in order to quote unquote, not be selfish.

302
00:18:51.400 --> 00:18:55.320
Well, that's like us saying, well, I'm not going to want is the same principle

303
00:18:55.320 --> 00:18:59.880
as saying I'm not going to want, because that means submitting my will.

304
00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:02.360
And it's like, no, you can't submit a will you don't have.

305
00:19:02.840 --> 00:19:07.160
So in order to make a righteous decision between you and another person and, and

306
00:19:07.160 --> 00:19:11.200
making the appropriate God honoring boundaries, not just for you, but for

307
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:16.000
them, um, like, should you do something that you don't really feel like doing

308
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:17.560
just because somebody else needs it?

309
00:19:17.560 --> 00:19:18.400
Well, I don't know.

310
00:19:18.440 --> 00:19:22.080
You can't, but you can't make that decision if you're not present in the

311
00:19:22.080 --> 00:19:26.600
conversation, if you're, if you're not being considered, if you don't have that

312
00:19:26.600 --> 00:19:27.320
value in that way.

313
00:19:27.360 --> 00:19:28.440
So that's what I'm talking about.

314
00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:32.920
The choosing, the choosing is before we even get to this, to that type of a

315
00:19:32.920 --> 00:19:36.240
situation, it's not choosing you over somebody else.

316
00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:40.880
So I'm sure that I very thoroughly approached that, but did that make sense?

317
00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:45.120
Yeah, it gave me a lot to, to think on, but it was helpful to have that clarity

318
00:19:45.120 --> 00:19:46.760
too, of like what, what you meant.

319
00:19:46.800 --> 00:19:49.680
Cause I think maybe that's part of what I was getting stuck to is even just how

320
00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:51.200
I interpreted it at first.

321
00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:52.400
So, yeah.

322
00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:52.800
Yeah.

323
00:19:52.800 --> 00:19:56.240
I knew that it was kind of an interesting way to phrase it, but I've always, I've

324
00:19:56.240 --> 00:19:59.960
found that when I phrase things in sometimes very unexpected ways.

325
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.200
Finally, it helps people get it.

326
00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:02.400
So I tried that one.

327
00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:04.480
I was like, maybe if like choosing yourself,

328
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:05.480
maybe that would make sense.

329
00:20:05.480 --> 00:20:08.360
But it may not make sense

330
00:20:08.360 --> 00:20:10.480
because it may sound like that's selfish.

331
00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:13.040
And I'm like, well, I don't mean it in that way.

332
00:20:13.040 --> 00:20:15.420
This is like before you ever get to a situation

333
00:20:15.420 --> 00:20:17.320
in which you're discussing, you know,

334
00:20:17.320 --> 00:20:18.520
should it be what I want

335
00:20:18.520 --> 00:20:20.480
or what the other person wants, et cetera.

336
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:22.520
But it felt like, no, I could be wrong.

337
00:20:22.520 --> 00:20:26.400
It felt like there was more to your question than just that.

338
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:27.600
Was there something,

339
00:20:27.600 --> 00:20:29.440
and I'm trying to remember what came to mind

340
00:20:30.120 --> 00:20:31.040
when you were talking,

341
00:20:31.040 --> 00:20:33.400
was there anything or did that really?

342
00:20:33.400 --> 00:20:34.240
I think that was helpful.

343
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:35.080
I think I just,

344
00:20:35.080 --> 00:20:40.080
I found that I tend to disregard myself

345
00:20:40.680 --> 00:20:45.020
in the name of, you know, Jesus, honestly.

346
00:20:45.020 --> 00:20:45.860
Yeah.

347
00:20:45.860 --> 00:20:48.320
You would have said it.

348
00:20:48.320 --> 00:20:49.880
And I, you know,

349
00:20:49.880 --> 00:20:52.360
I realized that maybe I was attributing

350
00:20:52.360 --> 00:20:53.480
something to his character

351
00:20:53.480 --> 00:20:55.080
that he actually wasn't requiring of me

352
00:20:55.080 --> 00:20:56.360
in certain situations.

353
00:20:56.360 --> 00:20:57.560
And so when you said, you know,

354
00:20:57.560 --> 00:20:59.340
when you were talking your last couple of weeks

355
00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:01.040
about choosing you,

356
00:21:01.040 --> 00:21:01.860
I thought it was helpful

357
00:21:01.860 --> 00:21:04.140
in that it kind of broke my mindset

358
00:21:04.140 --> 00:21:06.140
out of this Christianese mold

359
00:21:06.140 --> 00:21:08.100
of kind of what we think about in relationships,

360
00:21:08.100 --> 00:21:09.980
which is a lot of self-denial.

361
00:21:09.980 --> 00:21:13.580
And, you know, we call it humility,

362
00:21:13.580 --> 00:21:15.880
but I think our interpretation is a lot of false humility

363
00:21:15.880 --> 00:21:17.580
when it comes to these types of situations.

364
00:21:17.580 --> 00:21:20.140
So I'm having to unlearn a lot of things

365
00:21:20.140 --> 00:21:25.140
that have just kind of been a natural response

366
00:21:25.840 --> 00:21:29.100
or reflex for me in relationships.

367
00:21:30.020 --> 00:21:30.860
And so it was helpful

368
00:21:30.860 --> 00:21:32.500
that it was the way that you phrased it.

369
00:21:32.500 --> 00:21:34.260
I think it had me thinking

370
00:21:34.260 --> 00:21:36.540
in terms I haven't thought of before.

371
00:21:36.540 --> 00:21:37.380
Yeah.

372
00:21:38.300 --> 00:21:39.500
And yeah.

373
00:21:39.500 --> 00:21:42.100
And then, oh, and I remember when you were talking

374
00:21:42.100 --> 00:21:44.660
something else that came to mind.

375
00:21:44.660 --> 00:21:49.500
It was about like how to determine boundaries.

376
00:21:49.500 --> 00:21:51.860
And one of the interesting thing about boundaries

377
00:21:51.860 --> 00:21:54.420
is we can make them without the other person

378
00:21:54.420 --> 00:21:56.860
knowing we are making them.

379
00:21:56.860 --> 00:22:00.260
So without telling the other person, no,

380
00:22:00.260 --> 00:22:03.660
and without just like making it about us and them,

381
00:22:03.660 --> 00:22:08.420
it can sometimes be where I'm trying to think,

382
00:22:10.220 --> 00:22:11.820
how to get an example to give.

383
00:22:11.820 --> 00:22:14.660
Like I've had people that just like, I don't know,

384
00:22:14.660 --> 00:22:15.500
like say for instance,

385
00:22:15.500 --> 00:22:18.700
people that wanted to be really close friends with me

386
00:22:18.700 --> 00:22:22.740
or that wanted a lot of stuff from me or something.

387
00:22:22.740 --> 00:22:24.580
I've actually had a lot of issues with that

388
00:22:24.580 --> 00:22:26.620
when I was younger, a lot younger.

389
00:22:27.380 --> 00:22:31.900
And just, and it was because I was nice to them

390
00:22:31.900 --> 00:22:33.820
and most people weren't nice to them.

391
00:22:33.820 --> 00:22:35.220
And so, oh my word.

392
00:22:35.220 --> 00:22:38.140
And I, in fact, I talked to my cousin about it

393
00:22:38.140 --> 00:22:39.580
because he and I went to the same college

394
00:22:39.580 --> 00:22:40.540
and I'm like, oh my word,

395
00:22:40.540 --> 00:22:44.060
why is so-and-so just kind of like cling to me?

396
00:22:44.060 --> 00:22:45.700
And he said, Ashley, because have you noticed

397
00:22:45.700 --> 00:22:47.820
you're the only person that's nice to them?

398
00:22:47.820 --> 00:22:50.100
I'm like, well, I'm not supposed to be mean.

399
00:22:50.100 --> 00:22:52.180
What else am I supposed to do?

400
00:22:52.180 --> 00:22:55.180
Well, since then I've figured out how to create boundaries

401
00:22:55.180 --> 00:22:59.740
without being no, and without being, I don't know.

402
00:22:59.740 --> 00:23:04.740
I just find my, I find that I can make myself very pleasant

403
00:23:06.380 --> 00:23:11.380
and just unavailable as opposed to them realizing

404
00:23:13.340 --> 00:23:14.500
what it is that I'm doing.

405
00:23:14.500 --> 00:23:17.380
Of like, no, I don't want to.

406
00:23:17.380 --> 00:23:19.020
You know, them inviting me to something.

407
00:23:19.020 --> 00:23:22.820
You know, I understand that that's really nice,

408
00:23:22.820 --> 00:23:24.940
but no, I don't want to.

409
00:23:24.940 --> 00:23:28.700
There's other ways of like not having to go

410
00:23:28.700 --> 00:23:30.420
without saying no, you know, et cetera.

411
00:23:30.420 --> 00:23:35.340
So that's one example of how I've handled

412
00:23:35.340 --> 00:23:40.060
certain situations that didn't pertain

413
00:23:40.060 --> 00:23:43.140
to like going to dinner or something

414
00:23:43.140 --> 00:23:44.500
that was an exact event.

415
00:23:44.500 --> 00:23:48.020
But I just kind of found that it was,

416
00:23:48.020 --> 00:23:50.500
I just kind of began to practice making boundaries

417
00:23:50.500 --> 00:23:54.700
without having to let them know I was making boundaries.

418
00:23:54.700 --> 00:23:56.500
So I don't know.

419
00:23:56.500 --> 00:23:58.500
Anyway, that's not really, doesn't really give you much,

420
00:23:58.500 --> 00:24:00.140
but it was just something that I thought of

421
00:24:00.140 --> 00:24:02.980
that I don't know, maybe helpful for other people

422
00:24:02.980 --> 00:24:06.580
is that you can make boundaries

423
00:24:06.580 --> 00:24:10.420
without it creating relationship issues

424
00:24:10.420 --> 00:24:14.300
where they feel rejected.

425
00:24:15.340 --> 00:24:20.340
Because you're doing it for you, not in rejection of them.

426
00:24:20.380 --> 00:24:23.860
And so you just, that's how you make the decisions.

427
00:24:23.860 --> 00:24:25.820
And that's how you enforce the boundaries

428
00:24:25.820 --> 00:24:29.180
is by doing something positive for yourself

429
00:24:29.180 --> 00:24:33.420
as opposed to doing something negative to someone else.

430
00:24:33.420 --> 00:24:37.220
And that also helped me be healthier in making boundaries

431
00:24:37.220 --> 00:24:39.620
is that I'm always choosing the positive

432
00:24:39.620 --> 00:24:42.620
instead of an acting on a positive

433
00:24:42.620 --> 00:24:44.660
instead of acting on a negative.

434
00:24:44.660 --> 00:24:47.420
That also helps my relationships with those other people.

435
00:24:47.420 --> 00:24:49.660
And I always tried to like honor

436
00:24:49.660 --> 00:24:51.820
and build up the other people

437
00:24:51.820 --> 00:24:54.460
when I was creating this boundary

438
00:24:54.460 --> 00:24:56.300
that they didn't know I was creating.

439
00:24:57.460 --> 00:25:00.260
So anyway, for whatever that's worth, but that was.

440
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.920
That's good. Thank you.

441
00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:04.560
Sure.

442
00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:09.800
Does anyone have anything else?

443
00:25:09.800 --> 00:25:13.960
I have a question that's maybe related to what Lindsey was just asking,

444
00:25:13.960 --> 00:25:15.440
maybe an option of that,

445
00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:21.880
which is, you just talked about how choosing to yourself,

446
00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:23.400
as in when you're setting the boundary,

447
00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:25.720
you're more making it less about a person,

448
00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:28.160
or denying them or rejecting them in any way,

449
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:30.200
and more about what you're choosing for yourself.

450
00:25:30.200 --> 00:25:34.160
But what happens when you have a super hard time choosing yourself in the sense

451
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:39.320
that how do we handle rightly and rest,

452
00:25:39.320 --> 00:25:41.240
and from the Lord's perspective,

453
00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:45.200
the fact that we're going to disappoint people and that feeling of guilt,

454
00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:48.200
and people-pleasing or whatever when you're

455
00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:50.600
trying to come into a place where you're choosing your own value,

456
00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:54.160
and not just the codependency or the people-pleasing of making sure that

457
00:25:54.160 --> 00:26:01.080
everyone around you is happily taken care of and not all you've known.

458
00:26:01.080 --> 00:26:05.320
Yeah. I'm glad that you're bringing it up

459
00:26:05.320 --> 00:26:07.480
because it was something else that came to mind while I was

460
00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:10.920
talking with Lindsey that I just didn't mention

461
00:26:10.920 --> 00:26:14.360
because I'll just answer what needs to be answered and then move on.

462
00:26:14.360 --> 00:26:16.880
But one of the things is that,

463
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:19.520
remember that we're not responsible for the outcome,

464
00:26:19.520 --> 00:26:22.560
meaning we're not responsible for other people.

465
00:26:22.560 --> 00:26:24.960
The reason why we're people-pleasing is

466
00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:28.160
because we believe we're responsible for their response.

467
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:34.040
We believe that either we're responsible to God or there's

468
00:26:34.040 --> 00:26:41.400
another interesting aspect in the fact that we don't believe that we're not getting

469
00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:48.200
our sense of connection because we have a deeply rooted need for connection.

470
00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:52.120
If we're not getting that from God because we don't find him safe,

471
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:56.840
then we're going to try to find that connection with other people.

472
00:26:56.840 --> 00:27:00.480
That's another reason why we have a tendency to people-please,

473
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:03.880
is we're trying to avoid a loss of emotional connection.

474
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:08.600
We're trying to avoid physical or emotional abandonment.

475
00:27:08.600 --> 00:27:11.280
That just highlights for us,

476
00:27:11.280 --> 00:27:14.920
okay, so either I believe that God is holding me

477
00:27:14.920 --> 00:27:21.560
accountable and is going to consider me bad and not being like Jesus or whatever else,

478
00:27:21.600 --> 00:27:25.960
unless they respond in this particular way, which is not true.

479
00:27:25.960 --> 00:27:31.840
All that we're responsible to the Lord for is to be like him.

480
00:27:31.840 --> 00:27:33.880
Just to be like him,

481
00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:37.360
he doesn't hold us accountable for getting particular results.

482
00:27:37.360 --> 00:27:41.320
Those results will come from his spirit when we're just acting like him.

483
00:27:41.320 --> 00:27:42.880
We focus on the acting like him,

484
00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:44.080
we focus on meaning like,

485
00:27:44.080 --> 00:27:46.840
we focus on looking at him and being like him,

486
00:27:46.840 --> 00:27:50.280
not acting like him as in fake it till you make it.

487
00:27:50.280 --> 00:27:53.160
We're learning from our father,

488
00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:55.920
we're being fathered into how to look like him,

489
00:27:55.920 --> 00:27:58.760
and how to operate according to his character,

490
00:27:58.760 --> 00:28:00.000
and he says he's love,

491
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:01.640
and he says to love others.

492
00:28:01.640 --> 00:28:04.600
We know how the world tells us to love others,

493
00:28:04.600 --> 00:28:07.160
and what results we should expect.

494
00:28:07.160 --> 00:28:10.920
But God loves others in a very interesting,

495
00:28:10.920 --> 00:28:14.840
unique way, and he can get sometimes the opposite result.

496
00:28:14.840 --> 00:28:17.320
He loved Jesus and look what happened to him.

497
00:28:17.320 --> 00:28:23.040
I know I keep going back to that example as a picture.

498
00:28:23.040 --> 00:28:26.920
If that's love and God wants us to be like him,

499
00:28:26.920 --> 00:28:30.400
then apparently the world can't teach us really how to love.

500
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.240
Anyway, we're just focused on that.

501
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:38.920
Then that means that God is responsible for the outcome,

502
00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:40.520
is in other people will have

503
00:28:40.520 --> 00:28:43.880
a free will decision about how they choose to respond to us.

504
00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:49.120
God, so say for instance,

505
00:28:49.120 --> 00:28:51.400
one of the things that we could be concerned about is,

506
00:28:51.400 --> 00:28:56.920
okay, well, I'm not responsible for their response.

507
00:28:56.920 --> 00:28:59.760
If they get mad and it makes them upset,

508
00:28:59.760 --> 00:29:03.360
okay, well, God doesn't hold me responsible for that,

509
00:29:03.360 --> 00:29:05.760
as long as he just holds me

510
00:29:05.760 --> 00:29:08.040
responsible for looking and acting like him.

511
00:29:08.040 --> 00:29:10.640
But then there's another aspect of like,

512
00:29:10.640 --> 00:29:12.760
yeah, but God, I don't want to have to bear

513
00:29:12.760 --> 00:29:16.040
the consequences of potential emotional or

514
00:29:16.040 --> 00:29:19.920
physical abandonment because of their response.

515
00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:22.080
Now we're thinking like, oh my goodness,

516
00:29:22.080 --> 00:29:23.880
so not only could they be mad and yeah,

517
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:25.720
I deal with that whole thing about God not holding me

518
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:29.440
accountable for that and not considering me guilty or whatever.

519
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:31.960
But now there's that other aspect of God,

520
00:29:31.960 --> 00:29:33.040
I don't want to have to deal with

521
00:29:33.040 --> 00:29:35.360
the consequences of physical or emotional abandon.

522
00:29:35.360 --> 00:29:39.880
In other words, the consequences in my life about how I could be

523
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:42.920
affected by their choice.

524
00:29:42.920 --> 00:29:46.840
That again is obviously where we have to choose, all right,

525
00:29:46.840 --> 00:29:51.280
well, Lord, where am I going to get my sense of connection from, etc.

526
00:29:51.280 --> 00:29:53.840
We have to understand that, okay,

527
00:29:53.840 --> 00:29:56.040
if God says he's protector and provider,

528
00:29:56.040 --> 00:29:57.760
then he's protector and provider.

529
00:29:57.760 --> 00:29:59.560
If he wants to take care of

530
00:29:59.560 --> 00:30:04.400
the outcomes of that, then he has to be a protector and provider.

531
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.280
come. Part of the outcome is there is how their response affects us. God takes care of that too.

532
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:13.200
So we're putting ourselves in a position that calls that where what's, what's the word? It's

533
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:20.160
not calling him to, um, to show up, but basically putting, putting ourselves in a situation in

534
00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:26.960
obedience that basically prompts the Lord, according to the principles that he said are

535
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:33.200
in his character to show up. In other words, okay, I'm in a position where I need to be

536
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:37.840
protected and provided for, and you told me to not provide for and protect myself.

537
00:30:38.560 --> 00:30:42.720
So if you're responsible for the outcome and part of the outcome is their emotional and physical

538
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:48.080
abandonment, God, if you're responsible for the outcome, it means that you're going to take part,

539
00:30:48.080 --> 00:30:52.960
take care of that as well. You're going to show up as provider and protector and good and love

540
00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:58.080
and everything else that is that you say that you are. So when he says that he's responsible

541
00:30:58.080 --> 00:31:04.080
for the outcome, it doesn't just mean that like our business or anything else that he's going to

542
00:31:04.080 --> 00:31:10.000
cause something to be successful, or he's going to cause something to actually meet a particular end.

543
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:16.960
It also means that he's going to show up in our lives as he says that he is provider protector,

544
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:22.560
good, righteous, love, whatever. That's also part of the taking care of the outcome,

545
00:31:22.560 --> 00:31:26.640
being responsible for the outcome is he's responsible for the consequences.

546
00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:31.280
And I've told him this multiple times when I've been in situations that have been very trying,

547
00:31:31.280 --> 00:31:35.520
where literally I was, it wasn't even like, oh my goodness, Lord, if I do this,

548
00:31:35.520 --> 00:31:38.720
then I'm going to bear consequences. No, it had already happened. And I'm now bearing

549
00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:43.360
the consequences. And I told him, I was like, okay, Lord, I obeyed you and did that.

550
00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:49.600
I told my boss that I, you know, did such and such in situation because I asked you when you

551
00:31:49.600 --> 00:31:57.120
told me to now I'm now I am experiencing the consequences. So Lord, if I obeyed you,

552
00:31:57.120 --> 00:32:03.520
then these are your consequences to deal with. Meaning like he holds himself responsible for

553
00:32:03.520 --> 00:32:08.560
the consequences. And he doesn't want me to take on the consequences is some, um,

554
00:32:09.600 --> 00:32:17.600
some validation for con for self-condemnation. And he also doesn't want me to try to fix it

555
00:32:18.560 --> 00:32:24.800
or self-protect or self, whatever he's like, you obeyed me. And therefore it is now up to me to

556
00:32:24.800 --> 00:32:32.400
protect you and provide for you in the aftermath of you obeying me. So that's also part of the

557
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:39.280
outcome that he's that he holds himself responsible for is the aftermath of how it affects us. So if

558
00:32:39.280 --> 00:32:50.640
that's helpful. So did that answer? Yes. Yes. That was really good. Thank you so much. You're

559
00:32:50.640 --> 00:33:06.720
welcome. Does anyone have anything else? Something that, um, uh, Casey mentioned in her and I was

560
00:33:06.720 --> 00:33:11.440
waiting to see if she'd pop on before I said this, cause I wanted to, um, uh, cause I want

561
00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:16.080
to talk about it while, while she was on here, but I haven't gotten to finish her journey share yet,

562
00:33:16.080 --> 00:33:22.080
but, uh, uh, cause I just found it right before we got on, but I watched, like, I was only able

563
00:33:22.080 --> 00:33:27.920
to watch like a minute and a half, but I was very, um, it's very touched and very encouraged by what

564
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:35.040
it is that she's been experiencing of the Lord since choosing that he, it since choosing to

565
00:33:35.280 --> 00:33:40.480
release everything to him. She said, I just choked. She said the, she said, as I've done that,

566
00:33:41.280 --> 00:33:46.400
she said, God has lined everything up. And I was like, exactly. That's exactly what happens.

567
00:33:46.400 --> 00:33:52.960
It's wild. Um, and especially, and this happens all the time, but especially in the beginning

568
00:33:52.960 --> 00:33:58.560
where it's like he, because he wants to encourage us. So we start, we start stepping out in it

569
00:33:58.560 --> 00:34:03.520
and then he just, and then boom, we start seeing him like, we've like, we've never seen him operate

570
00:34:04.480 --> 00:34:09.840
before. Like, Oh my word, everything's so smooth. Everything's so clear. Everything's whatever. And

571
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:14.320
he's like, exactly. I want to prove my faithfulness. You've stepped out and I want to

572
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:19.600
encourage you. And then there was time goes on. It's not that he doesn't still do it, but it's

573
00:34:19.600 --> 00:34:24.880
that other stuff starts coming up where everything doesn't seem as smooth. And he's like, but do you

574
00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:31.920
remember who I am, who I am is defined by what I say, not by what happens. So still choose that I

575
00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:39.120
am who I say in, in, in, and don't be thrown off by things that don't seem so smooth all of the

576
00:34:39.120 --> 00:34:45.440
time anymore. But, um, but that's only because he's wanting us to, um, and I don't mean in any

577
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:50.800
way that he's like causes his pain or whatever. I just mean that he, um, that life just starts

578
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:56.159
coming up and he wants us to know that even as the road isn't so smooth anymore, he's like, yes,

579
00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:59.920
but remember you're still not threatened that it's easier to believe.

580
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.480
that you're not threatened when everything's smooth than when everything's not smooth. So

581
00:35:04.480 --> 00:35:10.400
it can be smooth or not smooth. And my, and the journey that I have you on is to realize

582
00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:16.240
and to understand and to choose that no matter the experience that you are physically going through,

583
00:35:17.200 --> 00:35:23.120
you are not threatened and your situation has never changed. So even though we're going through

584
00:35:23.120 --> 00:35:28.960
a different physical experience, your yeah, physical experience, your situation with the

585
00:35:28.960 --> 00:35:33.440
Lord has not changed. So anyway, I was so excited because she was talking about like everything

586
00:35:33.440 --> 00:35:40.480
lined up. I'm like, I know even when the road isn't so smooth, everything still lines up.

587
00:35:41.520 --> 00:35:46.080
It's wild. So I went through all kinds of very difficult situations.

588
00:35:47.280 --> 00:35:54.800
Um, just case in point when I was overseas and I remember I was in Croatia and I had some, uh,

589
00:35:54.800 --> 00:36:01.760
I was having some severe financial issues, et cetera. And there are so many, oh my word,

590
00:36:01.760 --> 00:36:05.040
so many stories I could tell you, even that happened in a short period of time, but I'll

591
00:36:05.040 --> 00:36:11.600
just mention this. One example is I was on my birthday and I was, um, and I felt that the Lord

592
00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:17.840
just wanted me to step out in some certain things. And, um, in part of it, but part of the stepping

593
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:23.440
out in faith was to buy something that I saw because it was very much like something that

594
00:36:23.440 --> 00:36:31.280
I felt that he was calling me to start walking in, et cetera. And so, uh, but I, I, um, so I went

595
00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:36.480
in and, and thought about it a really long time and looked at it and talked to the owner. It talked

596
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:41.760
to the, to the sales clerk about it, et cetera. And finally I decided, you know what, I just don't

597
00:36:41.760 --> 00:36:48.320
know that I can do that. I just don't know that I can do that. And, um, and so I, and I felt that

598
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:53.520
the Lord told me to do it, but man alive, that was a stretch of faith. I was like, God, am I sure

599
00:36:53.520 --> 00:36:58.400
that I heard you about that? Cause I really don't know that would literally be spending all of my

600
00:36:58.400 --> 00:37:05.760
money. And I am in a foreign country about to need money to buy a ferry ticket to go across to Italy,

601
00:37:05.760 --> 00:37:13.200
where I promised a church that I would be there at such and such a time to speak. And fascinatingly,

602
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:17.200
I ended up going and getting into Italy like three days after the country opened from COVID

603
00:37:17.200 --> 00:37:21.200
or something. It was wild. But anyway, so in other words, I had this like obligation, right?

604
00:37:21.200 --> 00:37:24.560
I'm like, God, you know, that would be spending all my money, but I believe that you're telling

605
00:37:24.560 --> 00:37:30.640
me as I'm walking out of the store to buy it as thing, this is no little deal for anyone. God. And

606
00:37:30.640 --> 00:37:36.720
I told the Lord, as I walked out, I'm like, God, I don't think I have the faith for this. I don't

607
00:37:36.720 --> 00:37:44.480
think I have the faith to enough strong enough to know that that's you to be able to do that kind of

608
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:50.480
action. I have another thing for this one. I'm just not so sure. So I walk out feeling guilty

609
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:55.040
and heavy and all of this stuff. And I don't remember how far I walked. I think I went and

610
00:37:55.040 --> 00:37:58.880
I got a little bit of ice cream or something, and I'm still walking again. Like I said, it's my

611
00:37:58.880 --> 00:38:06.160
birthday. My best friend, uh, tries to call me a Mr. Call. And then she messages me, Hey, I sent you

612
00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:11.840
a, uh, some birthday money, you know, because you're overseas. And so I thought maybe you

613
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:15.600
could use some money and buy yourself something over there that you'd find fun.

614
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:22.640
And so I looked down and it was for the exact amount of that big thing that I had just walked

615
00:38:22.640 --> 00:38:26.800
out of the store, uh, you know, and didn't buy about like, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes earlier.

616
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:34.720
I'm like, got it, God. And I turned around and got it. So, um, so anyway, the thing is that's

617
00:38:34.720 --> 00:38:39.760
just, that's one example of like, you know, things don't always look so smooth. I was in a very dire

618
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:46.960
financial situation and was after that too, just to take the birthday money that she gave me and

619
00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:52.960
spend it on that other thing was still an act of faith because even though, you know, everything

620
00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:56.480
seemed to have lined up just right, you know, it was this exact amount of money of this other thing.

621
00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:00.560
And it was like, it was like a couple hundred dollars. So, I mean, it was like no little,

622
00:39:00.560 --> 00:39:06.400
no little deal. And I was like, Lord, this does not seem, you know, like practical or anything,

623
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:09.920
but I was like, yeah, but what am I doing? I'm not here to live a practical life. I'm here to

624
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:16.800
learn who my God is. And I'm here to live in relationship with him. So, um, anyway, and then,

625
00:39:16.800 --> 00:39:21.360
so even that was an act of faith because I have all of these other obligations. I have food. I

626
00:39:21.360 --> 00:39:25.280
need to buy for the next few days. I have a ferry ticket I need to get. And then when I get over

627
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:28.720
there, then I need to pay for a hotel. I don't even have money to pay for a hotel once I get to

628
00:39:28.720 --> 00:39:36.800
Italy, you know, so I, you know, and, um, in fact, I think I landed with no money for a hotel.

629
00:39:38.160 --> 00:39:44.320
I think that I barely had enough money to get on the ferry and just got a little bit of food

630
00:39:45.040 --> 00:39:50.240
at a little convenience store before I got on. I didn't even have money for one night at a hotel.

631
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:54.960
Anyway, the Lord ended up taking care of that too. So anyway, this is quite a journey, but so

632
00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:59.840
there, and that was, that was a short little timeframe of the three months that I was.

633
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.080
overseas where I was just doing this all the time. And so my point in making that is sure,

634
00:40:06.080 --> 00:40:11.040
nothing looks smooth in there. And so can you imagine, you know, your emotions going up and

635
00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:16.720
down? So that's one of the things though, is that I have to temper my emotions. I don't mean like

636
00:40:16.720 --> 00:40:21.440
not feel something. I mean like, okay, my emotions are coming up. It means what am I believing or

637
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:26.400
what am I out of agreement with, with the Lord? And I choose something different. Like I have to

638
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:32.240
legitimately choose that my world operates very differently from what I'm tempted to believe.

639
00:40:33.040 --> 00:40:39.040
That's, that's a good way to phrase that. I am having to choose that my world operates

640
00:40:39.040 --> 00:40:45.440
according to very different principles than what I'm being tempted to believe. That's what I mean

641
00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:50.720
when I keep talking about choose your reality. You are literally choosing that it, that is how

642
00:40:50.720 --> 00:40:58.720
the world works, period. And so simply off of the fact that God said, not because you have any

643
00:40:58.720 --> 00:41:03.040
evidence of it. And I've lived like that before. Remember, so that's another, remember, that's

644
00:41:03.040 --> 00:41:09.200
another thing. Remember that you should always have grace for yourself. And that when you start

645
00:41:09.200 --> 00:41:12.640
stepping out in faith and new things with the Lord, and like, you feel like you're stumbling

646
00:41:12.640 --> 00:41:16.240
and falling and you're not really sure that you're doing it right. Remember, you've never done this

647
00:41:16.240 --> 00:41:21.920
before and God knows that. So, um, but anyway, so my point in telling you that one little, that

648
00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:26.560
one little capsule of the story out of like this, like all of these, like a jillion stories I could

649
00:41:26.560 --> 00:41:32.080
tell you is to show you is to try to explain, you know, when the road doesn't look, when everything

650
00:41:32.080 --> 00:41:39.520
doesn't look lined up, it still lines up because God is the same and will continue to prove that

651
00:41:39.520 --> 00:41:45.520
he's the same, regardless of what your situation is telling you can look like, oh my goodness,

652
00:41:45.520 --> 00:41:50.480
I have enough money. Oh my word. I hardly have any, oh my goodness. I'm in the hole.

653
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:57.520
You know, it, I mean, and, but God doesn't change who he is, how much he's loving you and whether

654
00:41:57.520 --> 00:42:02.560
or not you're being protected. You could be down here and, you know, it could be like, oh my word,

655
00:42:02.560 --> 00:42:06.320
I've got so much abundance, you know, look at all the money or look at the hotel room or look at

656
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:12.640
the whatever, or the there's that. I don't have any, I don't have anything. Is God any different

657
00:42:12.640 --> 00:42:19.920
in how he's interacting with me? Absolutely not. Because he is who he is regardless of my

658
00:42:19.920 --> 00:42:27.520
situation. And that, you know, as one is what I always use that story in Venice to talk about is

659
00:42:27.520 --> 00:42:34.880
you have to make the decision completely regardless of what, of what your circumstance

660
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:41.440
is saying. And so often the, and everything will change, like literally everything will change

661
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:47.360
between you and the Lord. When you're in those, when you're in those very difficult situations

662
00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:52.480
and you can out and you can accuse God horribly, and you're struggling so hard because you probably

663
00:42:52.480 --> 00:42:56.800
are, you know, you're accusing God and God's like, I want you to now make a different choice.

664
00:42:56.800 --> 00:43:01.280
Will you now stop accusing me? And will you actually choose that I am who I say that I am

665
00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:08.320
when it looks like it is being out now proven that you didn't hear me right.

666
00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:15.040
Out now proven that I'm not who I say that I am. What do you choose? Do you choose the proof

667
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:24.560
or do you choose what I said? So anyway, um, so there's all of that. Uh, does anyone have

668
00:43:25.680 --> 00:43:29.040
anything else they wanted to bring up? Like anything that's been going on this week,

669
00:43:29.040 --> 00:43:34.400
you wanted to kind of like, uh, like walk us through about like, um, I don't know,

670
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:41.200
victories or, or struggles or, or questions. Anyone have anything?

671
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:53.840
And then y'all know to make sure to get all of y'all's, uh, transformation sessions in before

672
00:43:54.880 --> 00:44:03.120
the November the 19th. So, so I think that there are still some, um, of y'all who have, um, some

673
00:44:03.120 --> 00:44:07.840
to like schedule, but I think not all of them are scheduled. So if y'all want, y'all don't have

674
00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:12.560
to take advantage of them, but I'm, you know, they're there if y'all would like to.

675
00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:22.800
So, oh, and, um, while everyone's thinking my, um, my husband, I was very excited. He wasn't

676
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:28.800
able to join me tonight, but he said, he told me today, um, he said, you know, I said, I, he said,

677
00:44:28.800 --> 00:44:33.280
I think I have the beginnings of a prophetic word for everybody. It was like, excellent.

678
00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:40.560
That is his wheelhouse. It's wonderful. So I'm sure that he'll come on soon and share about that.

679
00:44:40.560 --> 00:44:47.360
And, um, he is prepping for, um, uh, the, his personal ministry time with those of you who,

680
00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:52.400
uh, joined before October 1st and got some personal ministry time with him. So he's prepping for that.

681
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:59.120
So, okay. Has anyone thought of anything?

682
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.000
So I'll share a little bit.

683
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:11.000
It is very difficult to know how to articulate you guys are right.

684
00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:22.000
Yeah.

685
00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:24.000
He's been doing in us.

686
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:34.000
And the way that we're shifting, I know, Nick can attest to it too but I know I can speak for myself, like the choosing that we did the first couple weeks.

687
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:39.000
We were really really hard on this.

688
00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:54.000
That harder. And we just kept like pressing it and choosing and listening to all the teachings and, you know, whether or not we felt it or, or it made sense like this further you know understanding okay this is, this is really what it is.

689
00:45:54.000 --> 00:46:08.000
This is really what it takes it's not, there's not something different or something I'm missing or something, you know, harder or greater or more complex or whatever this is exactly the things kept getting harder and harder I mean, to the, to the point

690
00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:21.000
where it's like the hardest that we've definitely that we've been through in our marriage, marriage, and that I've been through personally in a long time even as a single mom and a really bad abusive situation with my girl's dad and all the stuff well here we are this week.

691
00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:37.000
And it went from like everything we've been going through the bad to worse to worse to like, like, as far as it could possibly go with me feeling like I can still hang on to, like, my.

692
00:46:37.000 --> 00:46:57.000
What would you call it like cope, you know, cope with life kind of kind of feeling. And yet like all while I'm still choosing him and choosing to believe him in this, and then it's like he's taken this, this huge blockage this huge, like belief system that has kept me, you know, through all these conversations

693
00:46:57.000 --> 00:47:16.000
with y'all I've been listening to how do we process me, how do I, how do I let my soul feel the depth of trauma and pain that I've been stuffing down for so long, I mean, and even as a believer who hears from him regularly and no season.

694
00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:44.000
I don't know how to process well. The past few days.

695
00:47:44.000 --> 00:48:00.000
The worst part is that I felt like I can no longer keep this stuff down. I can, and that is the scariest part of all of it is that how does what when this is being triggered and these traumas of what this, you know, this particular person has done to me and my

696
00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:17.000
and now he's actually filed in court that I'm mental, so it actually he's he's trying to say that I'm, I'm mental and unfit to be with my children and take and hide my children and keep them from me so it's like it's triggering everything that I've worked so hard to protect myself from feeling.

697
00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:23.000
And here's the cool part is that the Lord has just been like coming in.

698
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:37.000
Like, never before I mean I see I see pictures of Jesus, you know, and I've and I've used that where I bring him into the scene but after my transformation session with y'all if you, you know, a few nights back, it was like, like, things broke loose like this

699
00:48:37.000 --> 00:48:50.000
dam broke loose and it's like how am I gonna like, aside from having the assuredness that he brought through that session, how would I that very night deal with the level of trauma and things that were coming up in my soul like there.

700
00:48:50.000 --> 00:49:05.000
I don't know, like he knew that I needed that to be able to get through. And then further he's showing me like the safety of who he is in a way I've never experienced before to the point where I actually got to the place, I think it was yesterday or the night

701
00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:20.000
before that, you know, I'm seeing this vision of him and he's like cradle, cradling me and I'm crying, he gives me, you know, verse after verse lately to comfort me and songs because I'm musician songs are a huge part of how I worship and.

702
00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:35.000
And so he gave me this particular song about being safe in his arms and I'm just bawling and I'm seeing myself in his arms and I'm listening to the song and like something broke that I can hardly explain where I literally was like, oh my goodness like I have been terrorized

703
00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:48.000
for all this time but all of a sudden I knew that I was safe with him. And the very darkest of whatever could possibly come, whatever I would face and that I felt like I could do this if I could just feel this safety.

704
00:49:48.000 --> 00:50:00.000
Now from now on, I could do, I could do this all over again for however long it would last, and I could actually be okay, because of that level of safety and knowing that one.

705
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.840
that good because I just didn't know how, if he was really good, even though I wanted to say it

706
00:50:03.840 --> 00:50:08.160
and believe it and I've seen him move and I've seen him move and I've seen him move, there's

707
00:50:08.160 --> 00:50:13.360
something like this level of pain and trauma. I didn't know if he was really that good and I just

708
00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:18.480
really didn't think I was good. I actually believed so bad that I was so bad that I could actually be

709
00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:28.240
like, not just far from him, but I could be like somehow just innately flawed to the point where

710
00:50:29.200 --> 00:50:34.640
he wouldn't even really know me in the end. You know what I mean? There was some kind of

711
00:50:34.640 --> 00:50:38.720
something wrong with me that would make it so that he could actually spit me out or cast me

712
00:50:38.720 --> 00:50:44.080
away from his presence and that terrified me to look inside me because what if that was true?

713
00:50:44.080 --> 00:50:52.400
So when I knew that he showed me he's safe and he's that good and he's that safe to hold me in

714
00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:58.640
the worst of storms and then I'm not bad, which is like, oh my gosh, I'm stunned, like I can't

715
00:50:58.640 --> 00:51:04.080
go away from that. The circumstance is not better. My nervous system is still responding, very

716
00:51:04.080 --> 00:51:10.400
triggered and I'm having to do calming techniques and all these things. And yet I felt like I,

717
00:51:11.040 --> 00:51:16.560
again, could do this for however long now that I know this, now that I know that I know this,

718
00:51:16.560 --> 00:51:21.920
I can go through whatever it looks like from here on out. And that's a huge shift from feeling like

719
00:51:21.920 --> 00:51:26.640
I can't even face this stuff to like, I can go through whatever and for however long. And then

720
00:51:26.640 --> 00:51:31.280
just the sense and the saying, like, oh my goodness, it's good news. Like the gospel is

721
00:51:31.280 --> 00:51:36.480
finally good news. Like I have never been able to say the gospel is good news and now I can say

722
00:51:37.520 --> 00:51:42.000
good news. Like I can't even hardly believe this is happening. So I just wanted to share that.

723
00:51:42.720 --> 00:51:49.120
Yeah, that's how good he is. And that's how, for me, that's like the shift is so deep where it's

724
00:51:49.120 --> 00:51:55.760
like, this is, this is not, I'm continually choosing him as that, as who he really is,

725
00:51:55.760 --> 00:52:01.120
as in now I can see who he really is in the depth of the pain that has kept me on lockdown and

726
00:52:01.120 --> 00:52:10.000
locked up inside for decades. So yeah, that is huge. And then you're like, I'll share. I'm like,

727
00:52:11.840 --> 00:52:16.880
why is it taking this long for us to hear this? I'm so excited for you. That's huge. I've,

728
00:52:17.440 --> 00:52:24.880
everyone, I've worked with Liberty for two years. This is a really big deal. Yay. I'm so excited

729
00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:31.680
for you. So that's huge. Cause there's nothing like that, like that comfort and just that,

730
00:52:31.680 --> 00:52:38.000
that assurance and that solidity and just being anchored in, in, in him just like, okay, so who

731
00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:43.840
is he? Okay. I am in him. I'm secure in him. This is his response to me. This is how he holds me.

732
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:50.160
This is how his arms around me. You said you were listening to a song. Were you listening

733
00:52:50.160 --> 00:52:55.840
to Meredith Andrews song? I do love her. And this case, it was actually a song. I,

734
00:52:55.840 --> 00:53:00.720
I used to listen to plum in college 20 years ago almost. And she had music back then she's

735
00:53:00.720 --> 00:53:06.400
continued to make, but he brought the song safe in your arms by plum was the one in that case.

736
00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:11.040
But it's just funny how it's like every verse. And then the song shows up or the verse shows

737
00:53:11.040 --> 00:53:15.040
up in the next song that he tells me to listen to. And it's like, he's like literally carrying

738
00:53:15.040 --> 00:53:20.000
us through this. That's really cool. I'm going to have to listen to the song. Well, thanks.

739
00:53:20.640 --> 00:53:24.640
So in my sharing, which I haven't been able to do the journey sharing because of everything we've

740
00:53:24.640 --> 00:53:30.560
been facing, but I've been so badly wanting to, and just, I value that so much, just that,

741
00:53:30.560 --> 00:53:36.240
that community and that vulnerability and the sharing. And so when I do share, I want to be

742
00:53:36.240 --> 00:53:41.840
able to just like list the songs that he's been carrying me through this season, because it's

743
00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:45.600
like almost like the rest intensive playlist for me. I mean, it's like, you know, I have this

744
00:53:45.600 --> 00:53:50.880
playlist that, that he had me started on before we all started meeting. And now it's almost like

745
00:53:50.880 --> 00:53:56.800
it's, it's, it's own life track, you know? Yeah. Rest intensive. So that's great.

746
00:53:57.600 --> 00:54:04.560
Well, reminds me of that. When I, I was asked about Meredith Andrews, because her song in,

747
00:54:04.560 --> 00:54:12.640
in your arms was one that carried me through when I was in very, very deep depression. So

748
00:54:13.520 --> 00:54:16.800
I mean like that, that whole time period that I told y'all about that was like

749
00:54:16.800 --> 00:54:22.320
severe clinical depression. Yeah. That was that time. So she, there were three songs of hers that

750
00:54:22.320 --> 00:54:30.400
I had on repeat all day long, essentially. And so anyway, and that was one of them. So in your arms

751
00:54:30.400 --> 00:54:35.840
and it just brought me such, I don't know, just kind of like, I just kind of used it as an anchor

752
00:54:35.840 --> 00:54:43.520
because I needed something that kind of helped get well, like I said, give me an anchor for the fact

753
00:54:43.520 --> 00:54:48.320
that he was safe because I was struggling to believe it. And I so badly wanted that safety,

754
00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:52.480
you know, that connection, et cetera. So I would just listen to that song, you know,

755
00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:55.840
that you were listening, like you were listening to your song, just listen to that song to just

756
00:54:55.840 --> 00:54:59.920
kind of like, give me an anchor if I couldn't, almost like a.

757
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.700
As weird as it sounds like a replacement for my, for my faith, because I didn't have the

758
00:55:04.700 --> 00:55:07.000
faith to believe it.

759
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:11.160
So I grabbed ahold of this and the Lord just really helped carry me through a lot just

760
00:55:11.160 --> 00:55:14.920
from listening to that song, because it would like be my way to kind of connect with them

761
00:55:14.920 --> 00:55:20.400
and like try to choose them to the degree that I could, which was very small compared

762
00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:26.800
to what it is that I, you know, that I learned later that I needed to do, but still, it was,

763
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:32.040
it was the thing that kind of kept me, helped me tread water when I was, when I was so bad.

764
00:55:32.040 --> 00:55:33.240
So that is really cool.

765
00:55:33.240 --> 00:55:35.440
So my point in saying that is, oh, I can relate.

766
00:55:35.440 --> 00:55:38.160
I remember how that feels.

767
00:55:38.160 --> 00:55:39.560
So happy for y'all.

768
00:55:39.560 --> 00:55:40.560
Right.

769
00:55:40.560 --> 00:55:41.560
Thank you so much.

770
00:55:41.560 --> 00:55:45.640
So I guess my question to go along with that would be when we're going through pain or

771
00:55:45.640 --> 00:55:51.320
these realizations that are, you know, deep, especially when it comes to processing pain

772
00:55:51.320 --> 00:55:55.920
or things in our soul, or even lies that we believed that, you know, there's grief around

773
00:55:55.920 --> 00:55:59.920
the fact that I even believed this for so long and that I've tormented myself with all

774
00:55:59.920 --> 00:56:04.720
of this, you know, self-hatred and punishment and condemnation and all these things and

775
00:56:04.720 --> 00:56:11.600
shame when he always saw me, all of me and knew me and, and loved me and, you know, on

776
00:56:11.600 --> 00:56:13.160
this level.

777
00:56:13.160 --> 00:56:18.200
So there's some grief there too, but just in terms of facing whatever it is, like knowing

778
00:56:18.200 --> 00:56:22.160
that you don't know what's going to come next, like you don't know the storm or you don't

779
00:56:22.160 --> 00:56:26.480
know the next thing or what it's going to look like to even fully process the pain,

780
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:32.760
I guess, what is like the anchor in that when you finally know he's safe and you can walk

781
00:56:32.760 --> 00:56:37.360
through anything with him, but like, what is, what is he, what's his viewpoint that

782
00:56:37.360 --> 00:56:41.160
I guess I'm, I'm, I'm wanting to understand better.

783
00:56:41.160 --> 00:56:42.160
What is his view?

784
00:56:42.160 --> 00:56:47.600
Does he want me to brace myself for impact because there could be harder and worse stuff

785
00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:53.720
in a sense, like not place myself for impact, but like not be too relieved because there

786
00:56:53.720 --> 00:56:56.000
could be more really painful, hard stuff coming.

787
00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:59.280
Or is it like when he's that good and that safe in that place that I can just access

788
00:56:59.280 --> 00:57:03.280
that place, no matter how scary and hard it gets again with the trauma.

789
00:57:03.280 --> 00:57:04.280
Does that make sense?

790
00:57:04.280 --> 00:57:05.280
Yeah.

791
00:57:05.280 --> 00:57:06.280
Yeah.

792
00:57:06.280 --> 00:57:09.480
That one, uh, you can remember it kind of like, uh, drunk people in, in a car crash

793
00:57:09.480 --> 00:57:14.040
end up being the ones to survive usually because they're loose.

794
00:57:14.040 --> 00:57:20.080
You don't want to brace for impact that create that, that, um, causes you to break because

795
00:57:20.080 --> 00:57:24.800
so that creates more resistance and the more resistance, the less resilient we are as weird

796
00:57:24.800 --> 00:57:25.800
as that sounds.

797
00:57:25.800 --> 00:57:31.840
So it's a horrible example to like compare it to, but at least we'll all remember it.

798
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:32.840
And so, yeah.

799
00:57:32.840 --> 00:57:38.680
So is remember it's the fact that God is good and that he's protector and provider that

800
00:57:38.680 --> 00:57:43.920
creates your sense of safety, not your sense of self-protection is in, I need to brace

801
00:57:43.920 --> 00:57:48.440
myself for impact or I need to, you know, whatever, because a lot of times we're, we're

802
00:57:48.440 --> 00:57:52.280
just thinking, Oh, I, you know, I just don't want to let my guard down.

803
00:57:52.280 --> 00:57:59.400
Well, there's a difference between, um, uh, being aware that things can happen versus,

804
00:57:59.400 --> 00:58:04.840
um, versus actually like preparing to defend yourself, so to speak.

805
00:58:04.840 --> 00:58:09.960
And by that, I mean, like emotionally or, or spiritually or something like that.

806
00:58:09.960 --> 00:58:17.320
So yeah, it, so just rely on the Lord being as good as he's revealed himself to be that.

807
00:58:17.320 --> 00:58:21.600
In other words, that you've just come into an understanding of, and then, yeah, it doesn't

808
00:58:21.600 --> 00:58:24.640
mean that everything from here on out is going to be smooth.

809
00:58:24.640 --> 00:58:29.360
It just means that you're kind of like in a high point where it's like the dust is cleared.

810
00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:34.320
You know, the fog has cleared and you're realizing what's really going on.

811
00:58:34.320 --> 00:58:36.280
And that can take you through.

812
00:58:36.280 --> 00:58:40.080
You can just need to continue to remember that as you go through the next step, that's

813
00:58:40.080 --> 00:58:46.520
not always so smooth, um, it, because it's like, like I said, it's like the fog clears

814
00:58:46.520 --> 00:58:52.040
and that, and you finally see, Oh, regardless of what's going on here, that is what actually

815
00:58:52.040 --> 00:58:53.520
is the truth.

816
00:58:53.520 --> 00:58:57.760
That's a higher reality that supersedes this reality.

817
00:58:57.760 --> 00:59:05.200
And so, um, but, and so you, what's carrying you through is the fact that that is the re his,

818
00:59:05.200 --> 00:59:06.640
the, the actual reality.

819
00:59:06.640 --> 00:59:11.480
He is that good, regardless of, of whether this is smooth or not.

820
00:59:11.480 --> 00:59:17.200
So, but it doesn't mean that, okay, well, it's good now I'm in the eye of the storm

821
00:59:17.200 --> 00:59:19.280
and now I'm about to go through the storm again.

822
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:20.640
And I'm not, I'm not protected.

823
00:59:20.640 --> 00:59:22.900
No, I mean, you still are.

824
00:59:22.900 --> 00:59:26.400
It's just that, um, that the fog just kind of cleared for a bit.

825
00:59:26.400 --> 00:59:29.320
The eye of the storm came through, you know, you're in the middle of the eye of the hurricane.

826
00:59:29.320 --> 00:59:30.800
All of a sudden it's like, everything's quiet.

827
00:59:30.800 --> 00:59:32.280
I'm like, Oh, this is nice.

828
00:59:32.280 --> 00:59:35.280
It doesn't mean that the storm's over.

829
00:59:35.280 --> 00:59:38.960
And it just, it's just that God wants you to know, look, this is what's really going

830
00:59:38.960 --> 00:59:39.960
on.

831
00:59:39.960 --> 00:59:40.960
Give yourself a bit of relief.

832
00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:45.480
You know, it's like, okay, and then, and I'm not saying that that's where you're going,

833
00:59:45.480 --> 00:59:48.320
you know, that, Oh my goodness, it just, you're in the middle, you're in the eye of the storm

834
00:59:48.320 --> 00:59:49.880
and it just gets harder from here.

835
00:59:49.880 --> 00:59:50.880
That's not what I mean.

836
00:59:50.880 --> 00:59:56.020
I'm just saying that I'm answering your question as to what about the future?

837
00:59:56.020 --> 00:59:59.700
The fact that we don't know it and it's unpredictable.

838
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.040
So am I supposed to be, am I supposed to be, like you said, bracing for an impact that may,

839
01:00:07.040 --> 01:00:12.480
just because it may come. And it's like, no, you just always choose that, that what it is that

840
01:00:12.480 --> 01:00:18.720
you have seen when everything was more clear is always the truth and just choose that as the

841
01:00:18.720 --> 01:00:23.520
higher truth. Now, as far as like things on earth that God wants you to do, sometimes he wants you

842
01:00:23.520 --> 01:00:29.040
to actually take certain actions that we would see as like preparation, like, oh, I'm going to

843
01:00:29.040 --> 01:00:32.880
prepare for this, I'm going to prepare for that, just in case this, and just in case that,

844
01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:38.320
but remember that's based on the Lord's guidance and, and you can do it because maybe even it's

845
01:00:38.320 --> 01:00:45.760
worldly wisdom, but remember, it's not what we do. It's why we're doing it. We don't do it to

846
01:00:45.760 --> 01:00:54.000
rely on it as it's, it's as if it is our protection. It's our savior. We rely on God to protect us,

847
01:00:54.000 --> 01:00:59.200
not all the things that we're doing, putting in place or preparing in preparation for,

848
01:00:59.200 --> 01:01:04.480
does that make sense? So anyway, so when I say that you, that you don't want to brace for impact,

849
01:01:04.480 --> 01:01:11.120
I don't mean that we don't prepare sometimes in physical ways for the potential of something

850
01:01:11.120 --> 01:01:14.960
coming. You know, God talks in scripture about that as well. It talks about, you know,

851
01:01:16.000 --> 01:01:20.560
um, what is it like preparing for the winter and preparing for things that are coming,

852
01:01:20.560 --> 01:01:26.000
et cetera, and that that's just that that's wisdom, but he shows us in the new Testament.

853
01:01:26.560 --> 01:01:31.760
Yeah, but you don't rely on that back in the old Testament. You used to have to rely on it,

854
01:01:31.760 --> 01:01:37.040
but in the new Testament, you still live in that world, but it doesn't mean that you rely on that

855
01:01:37.040 --> 01:01:41.840
as if you were abandoned alone. And it's what it is that you're doing. That's keeping you safe

856
01:01:42.640 --> 01:01:48.720
now choose that. I'm keeping your seat, keeping you safe. And now just do these things. It's just

857
01:01:48.720 --> 01:01:53.680
you're allowing an aspect of creation to be, to partner with you in the process,

858
01:01:53.680 --> 01:01:57.360
but it's God who's creating the outcome. Now, not all your preparation.

859
01:01:58.960 --> 01:02:03.760
So you can still have joy, you know, you can solve joy, right? Like that's part of where

860
01:02:03.760 --> 01:02:09.840
I'm doing with, with that. It's like, I want, I think he wants me to enjoy life and not be heavy

861
01:02:09.840 --> 01:02:15.280
all the time, you know, or laugh, hang out with my kids and husband, like these, these things.

862
01:02:16.240 --> 01:02:20.960
I mean, that's, that's it's, it sounds just like the normal everyday stuff, but you can get in a

863
01:02:20.960 --> 01:02:26.240
place where I got to where it's, it just feels like there's nothing, but pure torture and

864
01:02:26.240 --> 01:02:31.200
heaviness, you know? And so it's like, well, even as I go through these emotions, now that I'm

865
01:02:31.200 --> 01:02:36.800
choosing him as my safe place, can it be a little bit more enjoyable, even if it's painful,

866
01:02:38.160 --> 01:02:42.160
even if it's painful, what do you mean? Yeah. Even if it's pain, I mean, even if it has to be

867
01:02:42.160 --> 01:02:46.160
painful as in like, we're still processing pain or there's still things and triggers and stuff

868
01:02:46.160 --> 01:02:52.960
like that, but can it be more enjoyable than this lonely road I've been on where I've had him at a,

869
01:02:52.960 --> 01:02:59.360
you know, like at arm's length, you know? Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You definitely want to,

870
01:02:59.360 --> 01:03:03.760
because the, all of the fruits of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,

871
01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:08.640
and all of those, those are fruits of the spirit is in like that. And that's who it is that you

872
01:03:08.640 --> 01:03:13.600
are. And I understand it's fruits of the spirit with a capital S, but that is the fruits of the

873
01:03:13.600 --> 01:03:18.400
spirit is, you know, that is, um, those are the characteristics of God. And so therefore those

874
01:03:18.400 --> 01:03:23.840
are our characteristics. And that means that that's who we are. And we don't stop being us

875
01:03:23.840 --> 01:03:29.760
when we're in pain. We're still all those other things too. So, um, you know, we still have peace.

876
01:03:29.760 --> 01:03:34.880
We still have joy. We still have whatever, while there's the pain, because remember what the pain

877
01:03:34.880 --> 01:03:41.920
is. The pain is the, um, is the fighting of where, where flesh is warring against spirit.

878
01:03:41.920 --> 01:03:46.640
That's where that pain is. But you, but spirit doesn't stop being spirit. Spirit is still

879
01:03:47.200 --> 01:03:54.800
peace, love, joy, et cetera. The pain is the unnaturalness of, of ourselves

880
01:03:55.440 --> 01:04:00.960
warring against what's natural, which is peace, love, joy, whatever. And then this pain is just,

881
01:04:00.960 --> 01:04:06.400
is where that was, where the soul is just struggling to believe that God is who he says

882
01:04:06.400 --> 01:04:11.120
that he is, et cetera. You have some other aspect of flesh of in creation coming against

883
01:04:11.680 --> 01:04:17.920
whatever, and trying to attack that is tack and declare and try to try to present evidence that

884
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:22.000
God isn't who he says that he is. And that, that flood, that clash of flesh and spirit

885
01:04:22.560 --> 01:04:27.840
is where we get pain and struggle, which again is why Jesus experienced it. Even though he didn't

886
01:04:27.840 --> 01:04:34.480
sin, he experienced, um, stress and pain and struggle, and yet he never sent. So it's just

887
01:04:34.480 --> 01:04:39.280
warring of flesh and the spirit because of the world that we live in our soul and our body

888
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:44.960
are going the way of the world, because that's where it is that it was born into. It was part,

889
01:04:44.960 --> 01:04:48.400
it's literally as part of creation is our souls and our bodies were created.

890
01:04:48.960 --> 01:04:54.320
Um, and our spirits were born of God, but our soul and body were created. And so, you know,

891
01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:58.160
they struggle with the spirit and then the other aspects of creation as well,

892
01:04:58.160 --> 01:04:59.920
you know, have just been believing that.

893
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.240
at where it's abandoned and alone has to provide for itself.

894
01:05:03.700 --> 01:05:05.300
And so it's in chaos too.

895
01:05:05.340 --> 01:05:09.120
And so any of that flesh, any of that creation is at war with the spirit

896
01:05:09.420 --> 01:05:11.220
until the spirit presents itself.

897
01:05:11.220 --> 01:05:15.820
The sons of God manifest themselves as the king, as their it's

898
01:05:15.820 --> 01:05:17.940
king that it's been waiting for.

899
01:05:18.540 --> 01:05:20.140
And we have to present ourselves.

900
01:05:20.140 --> 01:05:24.140
We have to know who it is that we are and present ourselves to, to that,

901
01:05:25.100 --> 01:05:26.940
knowing that we're not threatened.

902
01:05:27.620 --> 01:05:33.380
Only then can we protect and provide for creation and give

903
01:05:33.380 --> 01:05:34.540
it what it is that it needs.

904
01:05:34.580 --> 01:05:38.660
If we feel threatened, we're not standing in our kingly position.

905
01:05:39.140 --> 01:05:42.780
So that's why the creation is waiting for the manifestation of the sons of God.

906
01:05:42.780 --> 01:05:46.820
It's waiting for the sons of God to, to realize who it is that they are so

907
01:05:46.820 --> 01:05:48.300
that they no longer feel threatened.

908
01:05:48.620 --> 01:05:53.340
And then they finally have the strength to be in the leadership, to be able to

909
01:05:53.340 --> 01:05:57.740
lovingly out of their character, which is born of God and shares his character

910
01:05:58.180 --> 01:06:03.220
lovingly provide for and protect our kingdom, the way that God does for him.

911
01:06:04.140 --> 01:06:08.440
But in the meantime, there's that, there's that war and that's where all that pain

912
01:06:08.440 --> 01:06:10.980
is, but we don't start, stop being ourselves.

913
01:06:11.460 --> 01:06:16.280
In fact, it's very important, no matter the pain to not be, to not identify

914
01:06:16.280 --> 01:06:19.740
ourselves with the pain and by the pain.

915
01:06:20.140 --> 01:06:23.260
And, um, that's one of the things that's very hard.

916
01:06:24.020 --> 01:06:28.300
For when I'm choosing to shift into rest, et cetera, this is just something I've

917
01:06:28.300 --> 01:06:33.020
been thinking, uh, I was, um, thinking about mentioning lately is that one of

918
01:06:33.020 --> 01:06:39.660
the, the, some of the people that I end up, especially if I, um, how do I read

919
01:06:39.660 --> 01:06:43.380
this when I used to do clarity calls, et cetera, you know, before I would invite

920
01:06:43.380 --> 01:06:47.940
someone into the rest intensive, I wouldn't allow anyone in that had

921
01:06:47.940 --> 01:06:51.980
identified themselves as, uh, in their pain.

922
01:06:52.500 --> 01:06:58.100
Like that is who they were because then they couldn't, then it felt like

923
01:06:58.180 --> 01:07:00.220
then they couldn't give up.

924
01:07:00.700 --> 01:07:02.900
There's then it felt like they were giving up their sense of

925
01:07:02.900 --> 01:07:05.620
self to a very, very deep degree.

926
01:07:05.620 --> 01:07:09.660
They didn't want to give up their pain in order to choose the Lord because

927
01:07:09.660 --> 01:07:11.660
their identity now was their pain.

928
01:07:12.220 --> 01:07:14.220
They, and they, I'm a victim.

929
01:07:14.540 --> 01:07:16.060
I've gone through this horrible thing.

930
01:07:16.340 --> 01:07:20.820
Other people, you know, this is, this is, this is what gets me attention.

931
01:07:21.100 --> 01:07:25.100
I know people like that actually very close to some people like that, that

932
01:07:25.100 --> 01:07:29.260
identify so much in their pain, that when they were point blank, given an

933
01:07:29.260 --> 01:07:34.020
invitation to get freedom, they said, no, I was shocked.

934
01:07:35.940 --> 01:07:39.660
Why would you choose to stay there?

935
01:07:40.060 --> 01:07:43.340
That was their, they, it was beyond a sense of safety.

936
01:07:43.700 --> 01:07:46.380
They now identified as their pain.

937
01:07:47.140 --> 01:07:48.860
That's who they wanted to be.

938
01:07:49.340 --> 01:07:50.180
It's weird as it sounds.

939
01:07:50.180 --> 01:07:57.260
So anyway so we never want to identify in as our pain of like, Oh my goodness.

940
01:07:57.260 --> 01:07:59.140
I'm going through so much struggle and whatever.

941
01:07:59.140 --> 01:08:03.140
It's like, no, no, I am peace, love, joy, et cetera.

942
01:08:03.220 --> 01:08:04.140
I'm not my pain.

943
01:08:04.180 --> 01:08:07.620
I'm just experiencing pain, but that's not me.

944
01:08:07.620 --> 01:08:08.740
That's not my identity.

945
01:08:08.740 --> 01:08:10.180
It's not my sense of self.

946
01:08:10.620 --> 01:08:13.060
I am who God says that I am.

947
01:08:13.420 --> 01:08:15.220
I'm experiencing pain.

948
01:08:15.900 --> 01:08:19.060
There's this, there's this, uh, what's the word?

949
01:08:19.500 --> 01:08:22.540
There's this opposition that I'm experiencing.

950
01:08:23.220 --> 01:08:26.140
So just remember that your pain is as deep as it is.

951
01:08:26.140 --> 01:08:28.540
It's an opposition you're experiencing.

952
01:08:28.859 --> 01:08:30.180
It's not you.

953
01:08:30.580 --> 01:08:31.859
Yeah, that's really good.

954
01:08:31.859 --> 01:08:36.859
And that makes sense too, with, because with that last vision, um, that I have

955
01:08:36.859 --> 01:08:42.740
with Jesus the day before yesterday, I was a little girl and he, you know, there

956
01:08:42.740 --> 01:08:45.140
were some different things he was protecting me from and he was standing.

957
01:08:45.819 --> 01:08:49.300
Next to me, but I could only see his back because he was dealing with who was out

958
01:08:49.300 --> 01:08:52.740
here and what was out here and he would not let me see that.

959
01:08:53.140 --> 01:08:57.260
And then finally, when that was done and he did bring me over, like next to him, we

960
01:08:57.260 --> 01:09:00.740
sat in front of a mirror and he was saying, it's all about identity now.

961
01:09:00.779 --> 01:09:03.899
Like he had me putting on these glasses and doing these different things in the

962
01:09:03.899 --> 01:09:06.260
mirror, and he said, this is about identity.

963
01:09:06.300 --> 01:09:10.660
So it's like, yeah, I think that even in the midst of the pain, you're right.

964
01:09:11.060 --> 01:09:12.740
The identity is so key.

965
01:09:12.740 --> 01:09:17.100
And that's where, what I feel like it's going to be a re like an unlearning and a

966
01:09:17.100 --> 01:09:20.740
relearning, um, with him now in the season.

967
01:09:21.220 --> 01:09:23.180
So to not identify with the trauma.

968
01:09:23.260 --> 01:09:24.020
So, yeah.

969
01:09:25.420 --> 01:09:27.300
I'm so very excited for you.

970
01:09:27.380 --> 01:09:27.660
Yeah.

971
01:09:27.660 --> 01:09:30.819
So I just wanted to mention that as an encouragement that you don't have to grab

972
01:09:30.819 --> 01:09:34.420
ahold of the pain and be identified it in any way, or feel like on my word, I want

973
01:09:34.420 --> 01:09:37.100
to keep away from this because it's an ugly part of myself.

974
01:09:37.100 --> 01:09:38.620
I don't, I wish it wasn't true.

975
01:09:38.979 --> 01:09:39.859
That's not you.

976
01:09:40.700 --> 01:09:42.140
It's you remember your spirit.

977
01:09:42.140 --> 01:09:45.899
And so it's just that you're, you're opposition to who it is that you naturally

978
01:09:45.899 --> 01:09:46.060
are.

979
01:09:46.060 --> 01:09:49.779
So I just get, in order to make a point, I gave an extreme example of other people.

980
01:09:49.779 --> 01:09:54.580
I know you've actually identified as their pain now and as a victim.

981
01:09:54.580 --> 01:09:59.460
So it's different than your situation, but the principle of it, I thought might be

982
01:09:59.460 --> 01:09:59.940
helpful.

983
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.280
because there are ways in which we feel that we've hurt so badly that we're afraid to look

984
01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:10.560
at that part of ourselves because we think it's us or, um, or we think that we're in

985
01:10:10.560 --> 01:10:16.680
so much pain that the proper and as weird as it sounds that the proper and appropriate

986
01:10:16.680 --> 01:10:23.960
way to interact with it or, or to handle ourselves is to, uh, focus on it and to just be heavy

987
01:10:23.960 --> 01:10:30.680
all the time and that it's not responsible and adults to be happy and to be joyful when

988
01:10:30.680 --> 01:10:35.200
you're going through something hard or when your children are going through something

989
01:10:35.200 --> 01:10:37.720
hard and you wish you could be there for them.

990
01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:42.180
Part of what we do is we end up trying to carry it for them, even though when they're

991
01:10:42.180 --> 01:10:47.560
not with us or whatever, and, and that's, and that's just not something that you can

992
01:10:47.560 --> 01:10:53.560
in a manner of speaking that you can actually do, but it makes us feel like, um, I don't

993
01:10:53.560 --> 01:10:58.160
know that we're, that we're supposed to, we feel that we're supposed to, et cetera,

994
01:10:58.160 --> 01:10:59.160
that we can't be happy.

995
01:10:59.160 --> 01:11:00.160
We'll feel guilty, et cetera.

996
01:11:00.160 --> 01:11:04.720
You know, the whole thing that people talk about with mom guilt and it's not even, and

997
01:11:04.720 --> 01:11:09.040
we're not in that is you've been used in situations that are not as extreme as yours.

998
01:11:09.040 --> 01:11:13.400
That's in a situation where a lot of times mom is going out for the night with her girlfriends

999
01:11:13.400 --> 01:11:19.240
and she's left the kids at home for one night and she experiences mom guilt there.

1000
01:11:19.240 --> 01:11:20.240
You know, some of them, sure.

1001
01:11:20.240 --> 01:11:24.480
They probably cried as she walked out the door, but other than that, you know, yeah,

1002
01:11:24.480 --> 01:11:27.720
they're just, they're just fine, but she experiences mom guilt.

1003
01:11:27.720 --> 01:11:33.060
There's something that makes us feel like we can't, you know, be happy or joyful when

1004
01:11:33.060 --> 01:11:37.600
there's a difficult situation, especially for someone that we love, but we have to choose

1005
01:11:37.600 --> 01:11:44.360
that we're not trying to be selfish and extravagant and do some other new agey thing called self-care.

1006
01:11:44.360 --> 01:11:48.560
What we're just trying to do is we're trying to choose no, who am I?

1007
01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:50.560
And I need to operate like that.

1008
01:11:50.560 --> 01:11:55.000
I can operate like that in the pain and I can operate like that by kind of like giving

1009
01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:58.280
myself a break for a bit, but I am love, joy, peace, et cetera.

1010
01:11:58.280 --> 01:12:02.400
And I have to be those things in order to give them in order to be able to give them

1011
01:12:02.400 --> 01:12:09.200
to the rest of creation, give them to my family, get into my relationships or business or whatever.

1012
01:12:09.200 --> 01:12:13.160
Well we are past time and I'm bound to determine we were not going to do that this time.

1013
01:12:13.160 --> 01:12:17.200
Not that I care, but you know, I, I wanted to be conscientious for y'all, especially

1014
01:12:17.760 --> 01:12:20.640
now that it's an entire hour later than we're used to.

1015
01:12:21.360 --> 01:12:26.320
So, um, well, I say that, I mean, at least on the clock, I suppose it's, it's actually

1016
01:12:26.320 --> 01:12:31.440
our normal time, but, um, so I will, um, let everybody go.

1017
01:12:31.440 --> 01:12:35.120
I hope we all get a good night's sleep and thoroughly enjoy the fact that you can get

1018
01:12:35.120 --> 01:12:36.880
up an hour later.

1019
01:12:38.160 --> 01:12:40.160
That's how I'm going to make it feel tomorrow.

1020
01:12:41.120 --> 01:12:47.360
So anyway, it's good to see all of y'all and feel free to reach out, um, for anything.

1021
01:12:47.360 --> 01:12:53.360
And then, um, if y'all have, uh, any transformation sessions to set up, um, make sure that you

1022
01:12:53.360 --> 01:12:57.760
have those done, um, before November the 19th.

1023
01:12:57.760 --> 01:13:03.200
And then I've been talking to Ed about us getting the schedule up for, uh, he talked

1024
01:13:03.200 --> 01:13:06.800
to me, he talked to me actually about the fact that he needs to get a schedule up for

1025
01:13:06.800 --> 01:13:11.040
the, uh, personal train of the personal ministry times.

1026
01:13:11.760 --> 01:13:14.320
And, um, I guess that's it.

1027
01:13:14.320 --> 01:13:20.560
So in any of y'all who, um, who have not been, um, doing like any of your journey shares,

1028
01:13:20.560 --> 01:13:25.920
if then I never want to make any money for guilty for not doing something because you're

1029
01:13:25.920 --> 01:13:28.400
fully adults that are in this program of your own free.

1030
01:13:28.400 --> 01:13:31.840
Well, just wanted to remind everyone and invite everyone to do it.

1031
01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:37.120
If you would, if, um, if you feel up to being able to share, it really will help you in

1032
01:13:37.120 --> 01:13:42.560
your journey just to be able to articulate and mentioned, mentioned some victories, mentioned

1033
01:13:42.560 --> 01:13:47.200
amazing things that you've seen, um, and experienced of the Lord in this journey, or, you know,

1034
01:13:47.200 --> 01:13:53.360
the fact that you're struggling with something, um, and, uh, see, I don't know.

1035
01:13:53.360 --> 01:13:57.040
I don't know why there seems to be something that I was going to say, but maybe I've already

1036
01:13:57.040 --> 01:14:01.360
said it about the fact that Ed has, um, a word that's brewing for y'all.

1037
01:14:01.360 --> 01:14:02.160
So anyway.

1038
01:14:02.800 --> 01:14:03.200
All right.

1039
01:14:03.200 --> 01:14:04.320
Well, it's good to see y'all.

1040
01:14:04.320 --> 01:14:15.600
Hope y'all have a good night.