WEBVTT

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hi girls this is my second journey share for the week and I just wanted to update

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you a little bit on my life and I've been sharing live on Facebook and I had

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my in my heart I wanted to do five Facebook lives to bring me into freedom

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and because I wanted to communicate how I'm leaving a life of stress and moving

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into rest and also sharing some of my story and what I feel God has spoken to

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me about living in freedom and also living I've had lots of years living

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with mental illness and stress and I feel and God has done a tremendous work

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in my heart so I shared this on I did the lives and thank you for being the

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part of the journey it I can tell that I am freer and that God has done

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something in my life that I actually dared to do this with him the first time

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I thought it I the thought came I thought oh that's impossible I can't do

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that none of my friends do that and then I just chosen that because this is

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what I wanted in my heart and I believe I wanted to do it with God that I've

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pushed through and did it with God and just thought about afterwards how happy

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this makes him and that that is the ultimate and also having to deal with

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feedback good feedback and also some challenging feedback I was challenging

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like I mentioned last time when someone were kind of giving a bit of an attitude

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that oh you think you know it all and then how to pass through that and rest

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and other things I conducted the choir on Thursday and I felt that was actually

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the only thing in the show performance like the concert that the students put

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on that brought some kind of light oh quite a bit of the show was a bit dark

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and some of it some of it even a bit twisted and me conducting the choir of

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all the 90 students to go on stage and to joyfully sing together that just

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brought joy I think it was like a bright moment and we had so much

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feedback and I also sang solo and I think I shocked I think I shocked

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everyone there because no one knows that I sing so I shocked all the students and

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all the parents and oh so I had my five minutes of fame there which was a lot of

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fun to actually to be able to contribute and sing and yeah just feeling God going

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with me through it and also in the concert in the Cathedral that's coming

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up I can tell that there are things that I find challenging and yeah so that is

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the next thing coming up we start practicing tonight actually today it's

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just the vocals it were four women singing together and the next Sunday

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it's the band practice and the concert is in a month Ashley and Annette and I

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have been talking in our rest group and like I said God is bringing me out of

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stress and mental illness and there's so many things I don't know if you feel

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that but I feel quite a bit overwhelmed and there's so many areas in my

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life that I don't have rest so and one of the areas that came up was weight

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that I have been putting up on weight and and eating my emotions and the

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lighting and food instead of the lighting in myself that's the thing

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that's coming up and I've used discipline for the last when all my life

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actually I've used discipline so much how to live my life and to survive and

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to get out of things and now this time I just don't have it I just don't have

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the energy I just don't have the discipline and also I think that's

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something that God wants to break free of to always tend to go back to

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discipline and Ashley also mentioned that maybe that has been a bit of a

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trauma and that was very fascinating that how discipline that you can

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associate it because that it's actually feels a bit traumatic to go back to

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discipline but then the problem is then that I put on weight when I'm not using

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discipline

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So that's something I find really challenging and Annette and I decided to

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keep each other accountable and to start on Monday tomorrow and I find that

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really hard and also having I feel like there's so many areas in my life that I

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need to walk and rest with like for this concert and at my work issues at work

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but especially now with this weight how can you lose weight if you don't use

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discipline and but still not delight yourself in food instead of actually

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delighting yourself in yourself so and I think with my I think it is that I do

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not really love my body and I haven't I don't know if I ever really have and

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putting on weight makes it worse it makes you really resent it so that's

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really challenging to feel so the challenges of that is something that

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I'm going through right now and that I want to be able to walk through and rest

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which is but it's really challenging because it touches so many things also

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emotionally in me so that's where I'm at that's what I'm going through right now

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and I just want to share that and thanks for sharing your lives with me in your

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journey shares talk to you later