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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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I'm going to share my screen.

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The benefit of this is that basically it's like your own thing to get to have, you know, all of the questions you know that you want to, you know, squeeze into an hour.

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And then so basically it's you know your own private time, and then sometimes people ask me questions during this time that they don't feel comfortable talking about in public, like, I don't know, just different issues that that are going on so anyway.

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So, did you so I wanted to make sure to provide everyone with some private time so did you have anything you know how are you doing.

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Yeah, um, maybe it's easy because I don't have any specific questions so maybe if I like just kind of, I don't know, share what's going on with.

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I don't know.

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But, um,

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so, yeah.

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Well I wanted to have this time because, well, I was like well I know I'm going to meet with we traveled yesterday, and I was like well I wasn't feeling all that great on the, I guess, Friday or whatever.

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And so I was like well you know I always am better after so let me just go ahead and do this now earlier in the day and not wait till Monday because I don't think I can go that long.

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So, um, it's, it's a little better now but I don't know I guess kind of feel stream of consciousness so work with me please.

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So, I think that some of the things it's just,

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I guess it's kind of just like with with my husband I love him to death I think he's an exceptional human being in a lot of ways like positively.

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And what he's able been able to accomplish, but I feel like sometimes like it's these ebbs and flows like, like we'll have a breakthrough but then, like, we'll enter a different season where it's like I feel like that's kind of like being tested a little

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bit. I just want like I feel like there's no because there's little consistency. And I don't know what to expect. And so I don't even know, like, you know, have you ever seen Howard Hughes that aviator movie.

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No, I don't think so. No, I don't think I did. No. Well, I just feel like okay so right now he's kind of like he's doing all these things with his office he's excited but it's also stressful I think for him.

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And so he has a tendency of just, of just kind of like being, he's like I can only focus on one thing so like now it's like well Timmy, you're not the focus.

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I'm just going to focus on work. And then like he's literally he literally said to me like, I have this good work energy right now do you know how hard it is to get to this energy, and I was like well babe I just want like designate 30 minutes to an hour

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we can have some body time every day, you put whatever part in the day you want like I feel like I'm a very like flexible person when it comes to him, and a little bit, a lot of inflexibilities come out over the last couple weeks so because I'm just like,

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I'm tired of dealing with the drama I've been flexible enough and I'll have to stand up for what I want in this relationship, and what you don't mean.

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And so, like, we're not in a bad place it just isn't as in a good place as it was before because he's done this before and so I noticed the patterns and I put him like, babe, last time this year, it was the same thing you were like oh I'm going to build

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this website I'm gonna do XYZ and like the stuff he comes up with is like really amazing and like, I think like you were talking about the other day how like God can just speak to people and help them create like he, he explained stuff like he's like

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he didn't go to school for programming, like he learned this when he was eight years old or some random at a summer camp like he's just an exceptional human being and so, but I'm like Lord the other side of this exceptional human being though is just like sometimes

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I feel like I don't is like, what is it called, um, what's the first phrase, it's like, I forgot the word but anyway it's like these highs and these lows is like an inconsistency like when he's focused on me is like, like you don't it's amazing.

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But then now he's like, Okay, well I'm gonna be in this workflow for maybe two, three weeks, I don't know, and I, and he's like, well, basically, I'll, I'll, I'll hang out with you.

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No, so everybody, I'm about to sit two or three weeks and wait for you to come out of this workflow for some personal time that's just unacceptable to me, like and I've been and I've done that before, and I felt really like unloved and I tried to tell him this is

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like, he acknowledged that he was like, Okay, Tim.

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I tried to express it in three times that this wasn't okay each time it didn't go well. It wasn't horrible but it did he didn't really get it. So then he came he sat on the main he's like, Tim, you know what, yeah, we can do this I'm going to do it.

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I'm going to do it. I will, we can do an hour at least a day he's like, we might need to break it up into 230 minute.

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hurt. Okay, Lindsay, that's fine, babe, whatever. But like,

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I'm just like he is so he now he's like, Okay, babe, I

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relented on this. But my feelings were still hurt. Like I

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still felt like it wasn't resolved. Because I'm like, why

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should I have to beg my husband to spend personal time with me?

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Like, it just makes me feel unloved. You know what I mean?

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Like, so it's like, I mean, a week ago, we were on the verge

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of divorce. And I was like, enough's enough, you know, two

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weeks ago, whatever. And so now it's like, you're like, No,

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baby, whatever, basically was the attitude, I'm gonna do

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whatever I need to do. And now it's like, two weeks later,

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you're on to something different. And I'm just supposed

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to sit in the corner and just wait for an hour of your time.

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And it's just like, I'm like, Lord, how do I live with this

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person who he has wonderful, great qualities, but like,

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there's just some inconsistencies in this. Miss

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Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, that's the way I was trying to that's the

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I feel like it's that sometimes, and I don't and I kind of get

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aspects of it because we are similar in the like, I can get

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uber focused on something too. Um, in all but not to the same

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extent. And yeah, I can so I get some of his some of his quirks.

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But some of them I'm just like, it's just unacceptable. And he's

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like, well, Tammy, I'm incapable of giving you that when I'm

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like, No, boo boo, you are capable. Give me you got to eat

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you got to sleep late. Come on. So I'm just like, I feel like he

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made so much progress, but I'm like a little afraid just

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because it's like, is it gonna stick it I'm tired of fighting

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the same battles over and over again. So I'm just like, what

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gonna stick is like, like he had like some spiritual way feeling

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like I know we both need to grow in that, you know, but it's

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like, is like, I don't know, like, is it gonna stick? Is it

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gonna be like, okay, I get it. Because I was like, I don't

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mind having like, difference of opinions. That's normal. But I'm

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not if I tell you something that's not unreasonable, I asked

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for something that's not unreasonable. I'm not about to

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fight with you, or just put up and shut up like I did before

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for three years, like that's just not happening. So I just

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want to be loving and Christlike and all of that. But also, it's

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like, Lord, I need help with this because like, I can't change

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this individual, but I just I feel like it's really, you know,

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I just feel hurt by like, the fact that I have to ask for

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something so simple. And this is the second go round of, you

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know, this is this is a pattern of behavior. So anyway, that's

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kind of what I'm dealing with right now. It's really bright

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out here.

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Yeah. Well, makes you look real pretty and pink. It's real

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pretty. It's very cheerful to me. So, well, I'm sorry that

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that you're going through all of that. I definitely understand

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all of this. We women I know, I definitely understand. I can

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relate, you know, in so many ways, just like, oh, just the

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things that make us, you know, that we're just like, well, you

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know, this is all I'm asking. And it hurts my feelings. And,

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you know, I don't feel loved or whatever. One of the things

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that that came to mind when you were talking is, you know, men

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these days express their masculine drives differently

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than they used to. So before they would like they would, and

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they would go out and hunt. In other words, it would give them

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something to conquer, it would give them something to, to let

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themselves know, hey, I can do this. Because, you know, they're

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always asking themselves, you know, do I have it in me? Can

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can I do this? Can I actually accomplish this? Am I am I this

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strong? Am I this, you know, you know, there's a phrase,

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there's a there's a specific phrase for it. And I can't

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think of it. But anyway, I was wondering how to do that. And I

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think that they used to be able to express that side of

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themselves more throughout every day than they do now. So I think

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that for him, because of because of its office work, it's, it's

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technology or whatever, it's getting these drives and like,

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in, in like, sections, you know, like two week segments or

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whatever. So I think it's fascinating that he kind of

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knows about how much time it's going to take. He was like, Oh,

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well, you know, it's like two weeks or whatever. So I think

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that that that's what's going on, is that he is ensuring he's

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trying to take advantage of like, work energy, but in like

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motivation, but what I mean is, he's, it's, it's kind of filling

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up his tank of what kind of a man am I? You know, am I can I

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do this? Can I accomplish this? Can I be this for me, which

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whenever he feels like he can be that for him, he feels that he

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can be that for you. And then he can finally feel like he has

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something to give you of himself. And so

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So anything that he can feel that that is being aborted,

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if ever he has to kind of like stop

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or give up any of that time.

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Now, I'm not saying that you're not just in,

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in, you know, wanting it and whatever I'm saying,

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I'm just explaining that's I think what he's thinking

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because he's trying to create the means

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by which to provide for you.

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Like not just provide like financially,

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we're talking like be man enough for you.

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In his mind, you're going,

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hey, he's plenty man enough for me, not in his mind.

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So if he's not enough in his mind,

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he actually won't be enough for you

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because as weird as it sounds,

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because it's like, because then how would I put that?

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It's like, it's similar to the fact that I said,

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you know, whenever we,

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that you have to own yourself

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in order to be able to have yourself to give,

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he's filling up his tank of like owning himself.

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My husband does it by doing stuff like going to the gym

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or, you know, he spends time with the Lord

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and he has ministry and whatever that he does.

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So for him, that's where he gets filled up

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or if he plays, he likes to play,

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he likes to like do like video games and stuff like that

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because to him, that's, it's a challenge.

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He's like, okay, let's see if I can do this,

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see if I can figure it out.

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You know, can I coordinate, can I do this fast enough?

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Can I figure out the strategy?

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You know, it's all mental, you know?

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And I mean, there is hand-eye coordination,

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but a lot of it is just, is this mental challenge

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that he's trying to,

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and I have noticed a world of difference in him

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when he goes to the gym or when I give him,

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I say give him as if I like allow it or something,

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but when I offer him like all of this game time

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or whatever, I am telling you what, it is shocking.

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Different person is a different person

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because not only does he de-stress,

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it actually, it actually, it feels, it makes,

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it gives, it's a way in which he can like conquer something

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in order to recenter himself back to who he is.

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And then I am telling you, he is a different person

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in who it is that he gives to me.

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He is more loving, more generous, more whatever,

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because that's what he wants to do.

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But I've noticed that if he's not getting what it is

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that he needs to be, to feel like he's man enough,

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then he has a hard,

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then he has a hard time giving me

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what it is that he wants to give me

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and that I want from him.

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So I've learned, okay, what is it that I need to give him

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so that he gets for himself what he needs,

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which quite honestly is a really great deal.

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I don't have to give it to him.

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He just gives it to himself.

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I just have to give him time and space to do it

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and I get out of the way.

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Anyway, it hurt, I didn't understand that for a while.

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I really didn't get hurt over it

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because I figured it out so fast.

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I didn't have enough time to like be away from him

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while he was at the gym or doing a video game or whatever

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for me to like be hurt that,

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oh, he wasn't spending time with me.

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It would all happen so fast that I noticed a huge shift

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just when like just an hour,

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just an hour would make a shocking difference.

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So I thought, hey,

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if I can just let him do his thing for a while,

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then he's actually effortlessly gives me what it is

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that I want without me having to ask for it.

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Cause you know how you're like,

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hey, I shouldn't have to ask for this time

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because then I just don't feel loved.

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If I have to ask for it,

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if I have to ask for my husband to spend time with me,

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that doesn't make me feel loved.

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I don't know about you,

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but if I have to ask for it, I don't want it.

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Yeah, exactly.

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I don't want it because it's not genuine.

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It's not from the heart.

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And for the guy, he's just like,

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I did the thing you asked.

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I'm like, but it wasn't with the heart.

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So my point is just like you've experienced,

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like, hey, when we're on, we're on.

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When like we get to these seasons

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and when he's like, hey, didn't you do here or whatever,

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it's like, great.

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And I know that that's because,

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based off of what you said,

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that it's because he's doing it because he wants to,

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not because you're asking him to.

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During those really great seasons

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or whatever.

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And the same thing, you know, with my husband is like,

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if he can get his tank filled up and tell himself

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and connect with himself, who he is,

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then it's amazing how much.

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he expresses love to me. All of these things that he does, all of these things that he,

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that he does my way, and sort of his way, and he offers. I didn't even ask, but it's like,

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if he gets these, if he has these, basically, basically these needs met. See, a woman wants

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to know she's loved. A man wants to know for himself, to himself, that he's enough.

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And quite honestly, he needs that more than he needs the woman to tell him he's enough.

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Meaning like, him connecting with the fact that he's enough for himself is more life-giving to him

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than if his woman builds him up. That is important, but the other is more important.

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Him being enough for himself is more powerful than him being enough for the woman. Sure,

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the woman can, we can destroy that with, the woman can tear him down with her words,

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or she can build him up with her words, but it's not enough. We want to be enough.

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We're always wanting to be enough. We're wanting our words to be enough. We're wanting the fact

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that we're married to them and providing them like a nurturing home environment to be enough,

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but if their work isn't okay, it's not enough. And that just hurts. It just hurts. It's like,

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wait a minute. You mean like, I'm giving you everything and it's not enough to fill you up.

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For a woman, it is. To receive that from the man, sort of. I mean, we have to have,

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we need the Lord and all of that, but if she is being filled up by her husband, that's enough

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for her. Man, it's just not. Between you and me as the girls, it's very disappointing. That's okay.

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It's something we can just work out with the Lord. So anyway, all of this though,

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you know, doesn't address your feelings. I'm just saying that that, I think it's just for us to like

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talk about, okay, well, what's actually going on here? That's what's going on. But so what I have

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done and to a lot of, a lot of, a lot of hurt and heartache and whatever is just to,

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is just to figure out, okay, how can I, how can I make room for, because it's really

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so interesting. Both men and women need room, but a man, a man needs kind of room in a different way.

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If you can just kind of give a man this space to do whatever it is that he wants and needs to do,

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it's amazing how he will, of his own initiative, then give us what it is that we're wanting and

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we're needing because they want to love us. They want to love on us. In fact, my husband was even

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asked me something last night. He's like, Ashley, why would you think that I would do that?

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I thought that he'd done something to hurt me. That felt like, meaning like that it felt like

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I wasn't being protected or provided for whatever. And, and it hurt. And I was just sitting

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there on the couch. It was just so hurting, but we were watching the movie and finally he figured

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out that I was hurt. He was like, why, why, why are you hurt? It's like, what? Yeah, I think it

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did. What did I do? What did I do? He's like, was it this? Was it this? I said, it was when you did

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this. And I'm serious, Tammy. I have never been so emotional in my life as I have been since I got

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married. I'm serious. I'm just like, I have reverted to childhood in my emotions. This is

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stupid. But anyway, so it is. And I told him, I said, well, sweetheart, when you did this,

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it, it, um, that was what I was using to keep myself warm and you just took it away.

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And it just hurt me that you would, you know, try to take care of yourself,

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you know, and take it from me to keep yourself because just cause you wanted it and you took

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away my warmth. And it's like, it hurt my feelings. He's like, sweetheart. He said,

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I didn't know you were using that to keep yourself warm. He said, he said, and he was just going,

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sweetheart. He's like, I feed you. He he'd like, maybe we went to the grocery store together and

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he like bought all this stuff and he made me dinner. And you know, and then we put out,

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we put on the movie that I wanted to watch. Cause he said, Ashley, would you want to watch? I said,

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well, I don't know. I think that he said, no, not what do you think that I would like? No.

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What do you want to watch? So, you know, and it wasn't like some special night. We weren't

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celebrating anything. He was just trying to love on me, you know? So he does all this stuff and

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then I get hurt. And then he says, sweetheart, I do all of these things for you. I do this and I

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feed you and I do, and I take care of you. And I, and I, and I want you to like sleep like really

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late, late in the morning sometimes. And I want you to do this. And I get so excited when you're

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like, I can like take care of you. It's like, why do you think that I would like take away something

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that was giving you comfort? Do you think that's who I am? Of course, then that makes.

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Can you feel really bad?

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Oh, dear.

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We lost you.

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Oh, yeah, I think you're on mute.

295
00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:15.120
Thank you. Sorry. You were talking. It was good. And it was like, then you froze, but I still heard you. And then it was completely gone. So anyway, I think it's because I was, I wasn't on Wi Fi. So I just came back and sat on the balcony. So that way I can still get the Wi Fi.

296
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Oh, okay. All right.

297
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I'm sorry, I'm going, well, is it me or her? I wasn't sure. So because, of course, we've been having issues with the internet, but I'm on cell. So I and my cell has been good so far. So it's like, well, I don't know, maybe it's not today.

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So the last thing you said, well, you were like, you were explaining how you felt her and he was talking about how he had loved on you that day.

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Yes. So basically, I say all of that to say, and I've had I've had this conversation with multiple wives in the rest intensive that call me and they're like, I mean, I've, I've sat with people like, well, virtually on the bathroom floor, weeping, because, you know, my husband

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he's not doing this, I just don't feel loved. And I made a mistake and all of this stuff. And so I'll tell them the same thing that I told you, and it's the same thing I have to remember is it and I learned this big by that with with, I learned this about interacting with a husband, you know, and a wife as well, by,

301
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by learning this with the Lord. And, and it is powerful about how it can like affect and change a marriage. And that is to choose to that to understand that they can't give us either a husband to a wife or wife to a husband cannot give what it is that we really need.

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And we all know that in theory, but we keep trying to get it from the other. And really, it's like, well, God provides that. And what the other person is in our lives is for us to be able to receive themselves and what it is of themselves that they want to offer.

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So basically kind of like what a woman does get what we were talking about submission the other day is to receive love protection and provision in the way that they desire to give it.

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And it doesn't mean that we can't have conversations about the Bible of languages and all of that and like, well, yeah, but I know you're saying that I know you're doing that, but this is how it makes me feel and I'm looking for this and but if you do it

305
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You know, that's all part of like the, like the growing with each other and just learning how someone else hears or receives things, but the older that we get in marriage, the longer that we have a relationship with a person, let alone, you know, marriage, God, anyone

306
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else, the more that we, the more that we've had records written over and over and over that they really do love us, where we really stop questioning it so much.

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And we realize, and it's almost just, it's like the faithfulness of God, you know, it's the same thing with like a like a husband or whatever it's like okay well we I've learned so much over and over and over and over and over again that they really do love.

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So, the thing that they're saying, or that they're doing really is hurtful, but I've been with them so long that I now understand them better than I did when I first got married, and it no longer.

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And so I know that they still love me, even though they're saying that thing, or even though they're doing that thing because there's been so much history that in which their love has been affirmed.

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for us in the beginning. Now you've been married longer, even than I have, but it's still a beginning you know I mean think about how long people are married, you know, like 50 years or whatever.

311
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And so anyway what it is, so it is a growing process so we don't have to beat ourselves up over the fact that we are where it is that we are and that certain things are hurting our feelings or whatever.

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It's just that what it is that we want to practice growing into

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is to receive what it is that the person offers

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of themselves, like protection in the form

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that they choose to provide it, love in the form

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that they provide it, provision in the form that they provide

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it.

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We don't get to dictate it.

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We can discuss with them, hey, look,

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there were two sides of the same coin here.

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There's the husband and there's the wife.

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We are equal in the marriage, in value, and not just

323
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your opinion, but also my opinion matters.

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And let's discuss this.

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And so there's obviously discussion, et cetera,

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that at the end of the day, we have to receive,

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and they have the same thing from us,

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have to receive it as we are choosing to offer it to them.

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Not because we're selfishly deciding,

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well, this is just what I want to do.

331
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This is just how I want to do it.

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No, we're offering it from our very heart

333
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because he really does love you.

334
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So when he isn't obligated, what comes out to love you?

335
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What naturally comes out of his heart,

336
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and in what form does it come?

337
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How does he effortlessly love on you because he wants to?

338
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And he has all this pent up love for you, and it has to express.

339
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How it expresses, how does it express?

340
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And so we receive it, we're like, oh, that's him loving on me.

341
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And we have to choose, OK, we have

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to choose to trust that that's what it is that they're giving

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because they're giving themselves.

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That's kind of my point is when we love someone,

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we're choosing to receive them without conditions.

346
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We're choosing to receive what aspect of themselves

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that they're choosing to give.

348
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In other words, we're receiving them, not something

349
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that we want to feel as a result of being with them.

350
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We want to receive them.

351
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So how are they giving them?

352
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How are they giving their love?

353
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They have love for us inside of them.

354
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When they're giving it to us, what form

355
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does it end up looking like?

356
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Well, we don't get to dictate the form.

357
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We're just called to trust that what that thing is that we're

358
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taking into ourselves is their love.

359
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Or their protection or their provision,

360
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even though we wouldn't naturally

361
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interpret it that way.

362
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Well, it's piece and parcel of themselves

363
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that they're offering and expressing.

364
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And that's the protection that's in them towards us

365
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that gets sent to us.

366
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Well, then we choose to receive that.

367
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And so it's hard because it means

368
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that we're having to trust in faith what it is that they're

369
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offering as opposed to it meeting our standards

370
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or our criteria or whatever.

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So that's what we're trying to grow into.

372
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And it's the same thing that we do with the Lord.

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We just do it now with our husbands as well.

374
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But anyway, so I mean, there's multiple things

375
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:03.720
that we could talk about this, including like, well, OK,

376
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but what do we do in the meantime about the fact

377
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that, well, I'm still hurt.

378
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And how do we rest in the Lord?

379
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So we can talk about that.

380
00:33:10.440 --> 00:33:12.520
But I just wanted to talk kind of like

381
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in a practical sense of what's going on

382
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and then what it is that we want to, what the goal of our,

383
00:33:25.120 --> 00:33:29.000
what approach that we want to, how

384
00:33:29.000 --> 00:33:31.280
we want to begin to approach it is

385
00:33:31.280 --> 00:33:34.520
from the perspective of receiving of themselves

386
00:33:34.520 --> 00:33:36.800
what it is that they are offering.

387
00:33:36.800 --> 00:33:41.280
So point is, for me, it helps when he's doing his own thing

388
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and I'm not getting to be involved.

389
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Because sometimes we can't be involved.

390
00:33:47.680 --> 00:33:49.880
Sure, there's all of that marriage counseling stuff

391
00:33:49.880 --> 00:33:52.320
that talks about, oh, we'll start to do stuff together,

392
00:33:52.320 --> 00:33:56.880
start getting interested in his hobbies or whatever.

393
00:33:56.880 --> 00:33:59.840
Well, sometimes their hobbies are things that,

394
00:33:59.840 --> 00:34:04.160
are their hobbies because they don't include us.

395
00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:06.080
It's just them by themselves.

396
00:34:06.080 --> 00:34:08.320
And so that's not an option of us

397
00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:10.440
like getting to learn to just enter their world.

398
00:34:10.440 --> 00:34:12.360
The same thing with his work.

399
00:34:12.360 --> 00:34:14.760
Now, sure, one of the things that I do with my husband

400
00:34:14.760 --> 00:34:18.320
is I just ask him questions about, well, what's important?

401
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:20.280
And I try to understand his world.

402
00:34:20.280 --> 00:34:22.480
Because my husband is a verbal processor,

403
00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:24.760
so he likes to talk about it.

404
00:34:24.760 --> 00:34:28.400
And so I try, I love on him by giving him space

405
00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:30.040
to verbally process that with me.

406
00:34:30.040 --> 00:34:33.480
So if your husband likes that and if that's helpful,

407
00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:35.719
well, then you can start to ask him questions, which

408
00:34:35.719 --> 00:34:36.520
I'm sure you probably do.

409
00:34:36.520 --> 00:34:38.000
I'm just mentioning a whole bunch of things

410
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:39.000
that are coming to mind.

411
00:34:39.040 --> 00:34:41.159
You can ask him questions about his work.

412
00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:43.440
And OK, so what did you do today?

413
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:46.400
And let him basically brag on himself.

414
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:48.000
Because what he's trying to do is

415
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:49.639
he's trying to prove something to himself.

416
00:34:49.639 --> 00:34:51.719
Am I man enough for this?

417
00:34:51.719 --> 00:34:53.440
Can I conquer this?

418
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:56.719
Can I even conquer actually the execution

419
00:34:56.719 --> 00:34:58.560
or the problem solving?

420
00:34:58.560 --> 00:34:59.920
And so sometimes he wants to.

421
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.640
with you what it is that he's done, you know, so like, hey, you know, it kind of reaffirms

422
00:35:03.640 --> 00:35:06.760
to himself and to you, hey, I really am man enough, right?

423
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:13.960
So there's, you know what, I have a question, though, because like, yeah, like, when he

424
00:35:13.960 --> 00:35:19.520
says, like, he says, like, this is who I am, like, this level of intensity and focus on

425
00:35:19.520 --> 00:35:24.400
this one thing is who I am, it's like, but that's not who you are, like, that's an aspect

426
00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:27.720
of who you are, is what I wanted to say, but I like, I didn't want to get all theological

427
00:35:27.720 --> 00:35:32.480
and extra or whatever, but I'm just like, you're a son of God, like, even if you didn't

428
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:36.600
do that, like, you're still valuable, like, your value isn't, like, we appreciate what

429
00:35:36.600 --> 00:35:41.320
you do, and I'm not stomping on that at all, but it's like, I don't, it's like, not healthy,

430
00:35:41.320 --> 00:35:47.520
I don't think it's healthy for him to eat his identity from that either, and so I guess

431
00:35:47.520 --> 00:35:52.720
that's one thing, I have multiple things, but that's one thing, but is it just because

432
00:35:52.720 --> 00:35:58.120
we're different genders, and so, like, that's his role to provide, so, like, that's okay

433
00:35:58.120 --> 00:36:01.680
for him to get some of his identity from that, like, I don't know, I've been dealing with

434
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:04.800
that my whole, you know, this whole year, so.

435
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:09.960
Well, it's a little bit of both, so part of it, because I've questioned, you know, the

436
00:36:09.960 --> 00:36:16.920
same thing, is it's a bit of both there, okay, so I think that what it is that we have done

437
00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:21.960
is we're not supposed to get our identity from it, but there is a way in which we have

438
00:36:22.040 --> 00:36:29.320
warped what the value that God put, for instance, on a man with his job or his career, what he

439
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:38.520
does, there is a very real, I don't know, connection between a man and what he does

440
00:36:38.520 --> 00:36:42.840
that's different than a woman and what she does, meaning, like, if she were to have a career,

441
00:36:42.840 --> 00:36:48.600
you know, it's important to women, like, for instance, it was very important to me, I was

442
00:36:48.600 --> 00:36:53.240
single, I had nothing else to do, I wasn't married, I didn't have children, I didn't have a house,

443
00:36:53.240 --> 00:37:01.800
my world was my work, so, but at the same, so a lot of women who are very driven, they're

444
00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:06.920
very focused on it and whatever, but just there's something different in a man and his career,

445
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:12.840
what it is that he does, I think that what we, that I think is very, very important and that

446
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:21.080
we have just, and it's so important that we've misconstrued identity and applied identity to it

447
00:37:21.080 --> 00:37:28.200
and I don't think that that's accurate, however, I do believe that it is as valuable in a manner of

448
00:37:28.200 --> 00:37:33.400
speaking as they feel that it is, I think that we're just attributing the wrong word to it,

449
00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:42.520
so I don't believe that, it's almost like, how would you say, like, okay, I hope that this

450
00:37:42.520 --> 00:37:46.920
doesn't muddy the waters, I hope it clears the depth, kind of like, you know, the fact that

451
00:37:46.920 --> 00:37:52.600
when people talk about, people come and I talk about rest, sometimes they think, well, that means

452
00:37:52.600 --> 00:37:57.240
that they do nothing, I'm like, no, no, you still are just as active as you were before, in fact,

453
00:37:57.240 --> 00:38:02.760
probably, you'll probably become more so, it's just that now you'll do it all from a different

454
00:38:04.040 --> 00:38:11.400
place, a different source, but you still get all of the same amount done, if not more than what you

455
00:38:11.400 --> 00:38:17.880
used to get done, so it's the same kind of an idea with this, it's like, the problem isn't,

456
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:23.080
and they're not incorrect of the value that it has to them, you know, and the, because I believe

457
00:38:23.080 --> 00:38:29.320
that that connection that they feel is a connection that is God made, is God created, I believe,

458
00:38:29.320 --> 00:38:34.920
though, that they're approaching it from a needs-based, it's my identity perspective,

459
00:38:34.920 --> 00:38:39.800
that's not accurate, and they need to approach it from a different place, but it's still just

460
00:38:39.800 --> 00:38:46.840
as important as they think that it is, it's just not their identity, they can't get their sense of

461
00:38:46.840 --> 00:38:51.800
value for it, their sense of, like, who it is that they are, and their value as a human being,

462
00:38:51.800 --> 00:38:59.000
and like, make life worth living, so that is corrupted and twisted, but I do believe that

463
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:02.360
all of the, so I think that they're just attributing it to the wrong thing, like,

464
00:39:02.360 --> 00:39:08.360
oh my word, I need this as part of my existence, or whatever, that they're using to fill a place

465
00:39:08.360 --> 00:39:14.680
that it can't fill, but I do believe that the weight, in other words, the seriousness,

466
00:39:14.680 --> 00:39:20.440
and the importance to it that they feel is God-given, I think that they're just using it

467
00:39:20.440 --> 00:39:26.360
to fill a need that it can't fill, so I honestly, whenever I hear men talk about it, I don't correct

468
00:39:27.560 --> 00:39:34.440
on it, because the thing is, it's like, that is so deep that they can't, deep within their

469
00:39:34.440 --> 00:39:40.520
connection to their existence, that I can't touch it, only God can reveal that to them and break it,

470
00:39:40.520 --> 00:39:49.080
but, and also, man, the more that you approach something that they, that is contrary to what

471
00:39:49.080 --> 00:39:53.960
they believe, the more it entrenches them in their belief, it's just going, goes back off, or whatever,

472
00:39:53.960 --> 00:39:59.800
so I affirm him in all, you know, so I recommend, like, affirming them in all of those things.

473
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:13.400
But I don't believe it's accurate that that's who it is that, well, it's not their identity, but it's just how they choose to, it's, it's valuable in the fact that that's how they are choosing to express their identity, who it is that they really are.

474
00:40:13.400 --> 00:40:21.280
Their identity is choosing to express itself in being this kind of a man that likes these kinds of things and whatever.

475
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:30.280
So I don't split hairs with them because what they hear is that it's not important.

476
00:40:30.280 --> 00:40:37.280
And you're not wanting to say that it's not important. You're just trying to say, hey, it doesn't mean this, but all they hear is it's not important.

477
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:42.280
And so I don't even argue. So I just let them know, oh, my word is very important.

478
00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:53.280
And what it is that you want to do. And I don't know, I just try to, I always just try to affirm it.

479
00:40:53.280 --> 00:41:02.280
Instead of trying to help, instead of trying to explain to them that it's actually different than the value or the meaning that they're giving to it.

480
00:41:02.280 --> 00:41:05.280
I just try to, well, I'll just pray about that.

481
00:41:05.280 --> 00:41:16.280
Because like I do, and I'm not like, I'm like, I've given him space to the point of like he wanted to be come here in Baton Rouge and I couldn't because I was working.

482
00:41:16.280 --> 00:41:24.280
And then it was like, then I could, but then he didn't want me here. So it was like, what are you talking about? We're married, how we're not living in the same spot.

483
00:41:24.280 --> 00:41:34.280
Like the fact that now is like, okay, yes, because I'm like, babe, wherever you go, I want to go. Like the fact that he's like, okay with that now is like a huge thing.

484
00:41:34.280 --> 00:41:45.280
But like sometimes it's like that thing, like, oh, my identity, my work, my achievement or whatever, it can be placed so high that it's like, it was before everything.

485
00:41:46.280 --> 00:41:58.280
And so I'm like, I'm not going to use an excuse for you to treat me and put me in a pigeonhole that you want to put me in. But like, that's not what marriage is. It's not about like, okay, well, I'm gonna do what I want to do.

486
00:41:58.280 --> 00:42:02.280
And then when I get ready, I'll pull you out the box and you're just ready for me.

487
00:42:02.280 --> 00:42:10.280
And I have a choice to just as much about what do I want, if I want to be in this marriage and on what basis I want to be on the marriage.

488
00:42:10.280 --> 00:42:16.280
I think I just came to the end of just putting lines in the sand and saying, you know what, I've given a lot and I've taken a lot.

489
00:42:16.280 --> 00:42:28.280
And this is just not my perception of marriage is not what I want it to be. And I'm not okay with this and I'm willing to let it go and to release it because you're really interested in the way that you want to live your life and that's fine.

490
00:42:29.280 --> 00:42:44.280
In that case. And so, like, I think, you know, with that marriage is like that oneness of like, okay, we have two different ways of ideas, but it's like we have to compromise and come up with a way that reaches and meets both of us where we are.

491
00:42:44.280 --> 00:43:05.280
Because when I see green, he just, he would just be extreme on a whole nother level. And I've, you know, put up with crazy stuff infidelity, whatever, like, I'm just not so it's not just like me just being like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to cry baby because like whatever it's just like, I'm like, no, I'm your, I'm your wife.

492
00:43:06.280 --> 00:43:22.280
Put me on that level. And if everything's going to come in front of me in, you can't make basic, basic, you know, when you're in this mode I'm like fine but it's like I'm not trying to go back to these patterns.

493
00:43:22.280 --> 00:43:33.280
Again, like I'm just not because I'm, I feel like I'm just as valuable as you are to God and I was good by myself I took care of myself God took care of me. So, it's fine.

494
00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:48.280
So I definitely, but I do appreciate like I really appreciate because it's like he does feel like that's a part of who we am so like he is so like allow him to have that space within the context that I'm able to be like okay with I guess and just

495
00:43:48.280 --> 00:44:06.280
have that space but I'm like, it was like an hour you go to the gym girl I'm not that clicky girl like go.

496
00:44:06.280 --> 00:44:14.280
I'm sorry I wasn't trying to like compare situations I was just trying to like pull out. This is where my context and this is the principle I'm just trying to love it.

497
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:30.280
No, one of the things that you can do it and it meaning like you know in your situation is, is because it is important. Like I said that both of you have both of you have a voice so one of the things you can do is try to approach it as it's just

498
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:45.280
recommendation of place and think about is, and is, is saying okay, because, because sometimes guys like a specific, hey look, what do you want, and you told them what you want.

499
00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:58.280
So here's the problem is you didn't like it, you didn't receive it. So what it is that I do sometimes like okay hey I've given you a specific let's see what he does with the specific let's see that helps them, you know, kind of like, otherwise, women can deal

500
00:44:58.280 --> 00:44:59.280
with white canvas more than.

501
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.680
guy can't like, just like, let's train it. A guy is just like,

502
00:45:04.720 --> 00:45:07.840
narrow it down for me, give me some specifics to choose from.

503
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:11.000
And so you did. So you could say, Hey, look, you know, what

504
00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:13.880
about this? Or what about this? And then but you're saying that

505
00:45:13.880 --> 00:45:17.000
he's still kind of like mixing that one thing you could say is

506
00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:20.720
like, tell them what it is that your that your need is, you

507
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:24.400
know, how it is that things make you feel. This is what a guy

508
00:45:24.400 --> 00:45:27.040
told me a guy told me you've been married a long time does

509
00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:30.760
some marriage, like, unofficial marriage counseling, whatever he

510
00:45:30.760 --> 00:45:33.520
said, actually, what guys need to know, is guys need to know

511
00:45:33.520 --> 00:45:36.560
how much you feel, because they're always trying to make

512
00:45:36.560 --> 00:45:40.480
sure that you feel okay. And, and so it's like, so give him

513
00:45:40.480 --> 00:45:45.800
like a, like a, like a way in which he can experience through

514
00:45:45.800 --> 00:45:53.200
a story, how it is, it's making you feel. And, and so, anyway,

515
00:45:53.360 --> 00:45:57.200
that, so any, and I was like, Well, that sounds great. But I

516
00:45:57.200 --> 00:46:00.040
can't, and he gave me a story. And I'm like, but I don't know

517
00:46:00.040 --> 00:46:02.120
how to come up with a story like that. And he said, Well, it is

518
00:46:02.120 --> 00:46:05.040
true. He's like, guys, it's a lot easier for guys to come up

519
00:46:05.040 --> 00:46:07.560
with stories like that. I'm like, well, then that's just

520
00:46:07.560 --> 00:46:10.760
not helpful. Anyway, but I didn't say that. So but the

521
00:46:10.760 --> 00:46:13.600
point is, it's just like he said, actually, guys need to

522
00:46:13.600 --> 00:46:17.800
understand how it makes you feel he said that they can connect

523
00:46:17.800 --> 00:46:21.400
with it better. Because he said, logically, they're always

524
00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:24.600
looking for logic. And what it is that you're saying and why

525
00:46:24.600 --> 00:46:27.240
you need it does not make sense to them. He's like, there's no

526
00:46:27.240 --> 00:46:30.120
logic to him in that. And what you're saying, you're going, I

527
00:46:30.120 --> 00:46:33.600
don't need it to make logical sense. I just need you to fix

528
00:46:33.600 --> 00:46:36.640
how I feel, you know. And so he said, they need to know how you

529
00:46:36.640 --> 00:46:40.080
feel. So if you tell them, like, maybe how it is that you feel a

530
00:46:40.080 --> 00:46:43.520
bit, how something is making you feel and best you can, maybe

531
00:46:43.520 --> 00:46:45.960
you're better at this than me come up with some kind of like

532
00:46:45.960 --> 00:46:48.320
a story like about like, say, for instance, that there was a

533
00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:52.240
puppy, you know, he's doing this. And then, you know, he

534
00:46:52.240 --> 00:46:55.160
comes back home after he's been all scared, he almost got run

535
00:46:55.160 --> 00:46:59.040
over. And then all you do is just like kicking like, well,

536
00:46:59.080 --> 00:47:02.240
you know, why on earth did you run out? Look, don't you think

537
00:47:02.240 --> 00:47:04.400
that's going to happen to you or whatever. And then the puppy

538
00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:06.640
goes and cowers in the corner and you know, and just feels

539
00:47:06.640 --> 00:47:09.680
afraid of even coming home. So well, that's how that makes me

540
00:47:09.680 --> 00:47:12.720
feel when you do da da da da da, you know, the guy was telling

541
00:47:12.720 --> 00:47:15.720
me, you know, he's like, a man can understand that can kind of

542
00:47:15.720 --> 00:47:19.480
like grasp of, oh, that's how you're feeling. Because the

543
00:47:19.480 --> 00:47:23.120
feel, they suddenly felt it through the story, as opposed

544
00:47:23.120 --> 00:47:26.640
to God, as opposed to we were telling them, hey, look, I'm

545
00:47:26.640 --> 00:47:30.120
hurt. They got no context for that. It's like, what do you

546
00:47:30.120 --> 00:47:33.600
mean hurt? Okay, well, it's like this, how would you feel if it

547
00:47:33.640 --> 00:47:36.400
works? Whatever. He said that that would help. So it's like,

548
00:47:36.400 --> 00:47:38.840
okay. So anyway, if you were telling, you know, kind of how

549
00:47:38.840 --> 00:47:42.800
you feel, and then give them an option of like, hey, that, you

550
00:47:42.800 --> 00:47:46.080
know, if, you know, I gave you an example of, hey, this would

551
00:47:46.080 --> 00:47:51.760
help me feel better, if we did this. But if you don't like

552
00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:54.880
that, or that doesn't work for you, that's how I read it, that

553
00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:58.400
doesn't work for you. Do you have what other suggestions do

554
00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:02.680
you have and what it is that that we could do? Right? So in

555
00:48:02.680 --> 00:48:06.720
other words, give them the option of initiating what how

556
00:48:06.720 --> 00:48:10.160
he wants to love you and how he wants to change how you feel.

557
00:48:11.120 --> 00:48:14.480
And maybe that'll help. It depends on the man as to what's

558
00:48:14.480 --> 00:48:16.960
gonna as to what gonna work with him, because you gave him a

559
00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:20.880
specific and the specific didn't help. Maybe it helps. Maybe it

560
00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:23.840
helped a few times. But you're saying that it's there's still

561
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:27.320
some resistance there. And then you just and you just pick a

562
00:48:27.320 --> 00:48:30.520
specific, you know, maybe a specific time of day. And then

563
00:48:30.520 --> 00:48:33.120
there's just always this expectation kind of like you,

564
00:48:33.320 --> 00:48:36.040
you have a planned meeting, like a planned zoom call, you know,

565
00:48:36.040 --> 00:48:38.320
like he would for his work, only this is planned to come

566
00:48:38.440 --> 00:48:41.480
through by, it's from here, you can tell him, hey, we will even

567
00:48:41.480 --> 00:48:45.440
set a timer, you know, once that timer is gone, well, then he

568
00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:48.480
knows he's free. In other words, he's like, in other words, you

569
00:48:48.480 --> 00:48:51.760
thought like, hey, if you just give me this, but I'm not

570
00:48:51.800 --> 00:48:57.280
you're not, I'm not trapping you right now. And then Oh, my

571
00:48:57.280 --> 00:49:00.120
goodness, I'm gonna ask for an extra five minutes for an extra

572
00:49:00.120 --> 00:49:03.280
10. It's just, and then he doesn't feel as maybe it's

573
00:49:03.280 --> 00:49:07.240
trapped, or whatever. And because his mind, because you're

574
00:49:07.240 --> 00:49:10.120
just trying to think of like, well, is he feeling trapped? Is

575
00:49:10.120 --> 00:49:14.080
he feeling like, you know, confined? Is he feeling like,

576
00:49:14.120 --> 00:49:18.640
you don't know. So that's an idea. That's good. Yeah. But

577
00:49:18.640 --> 00:49:20.440
yeah, that's all just kind of like,

578
00:49:20.480 --> 00:49:24.280
if he did, he did, like he came around, and he was like, Okay,

579
00:49:24.280 --> 00:49:26.680
babe, I could do that. So that's good. I think it was just me. I

580
00:49:26.680 --> 00:49:28.960
was like, I was still feeling really hurt by the fact that

581
00:49:28.960 --> 00:49:33.520
like, why am I begging for little crumbs of your day? And I

582
00:49:33.520 --> 00:49:36.320
just felt hurt by that. But he, I wasn't able to let it go

583
00:49:36.360 --> 00:49:39.560
after. So he, he felt he was like, I gave you the 20. And I'm

584
00:49:39.560 --> 00:49:42.640
like, but you don't get it. So anyway, like,

585
00:49:42.760 --> 00:49:44.600
he said, I gave you what?

586
00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:50.200
I gave you what you want. Like, okay, so like, why feel grumpy?

587
00:49:50.200 --> 00:49:52.400
Like, why are you still in your feelings? Because you haven't

588
00:49:52.400 --> 00:49:54.680
addressed my feelings, like, or whatever.

589
00:49:54.720 --> 00:49:58.880
I know. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. See, sometimes if I just

590
00:49:58.880 --> 00:49:59.840
know that

591
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.160
knows how I feel. If he just addresses my feelings so that I suddenly feel different,

592
00:50:07.160 --> 00:50:12.240
I no longer have to have what it is that I asked for.

593
00:50:12.240 --> 00:50:16.640
I agree. I don't get it. I wish they knew how to explain it better.

594
00:50:16.640 --> 00:50:20.080
I get it. Yeah. And I've told him before, and he, well,

595
00:50:20.080 --> 00:50:24.760
he's talked to me about it. He's like, actually, I don't understand. He's like, you, he's like,

596
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:30.560
we, we haven't talked about something, you know, and, um, and then, uh, and then all

597
00:50:30.560 --> 00:50:35.600
I have to do is just kind of like express, Hey, this is how, uh, you know, it, we talked

598
00:50:35.600 --> 00:50:39.600
about your feelings and it feels better. And then I'm like, okay, okay. Now it's like,

599
00:50:39.600 --> 00:50:43.040
that doesn't make any sense. We haven't solved the problem. I'm like, yeah, but I feel better.

600
00:50:43.040 --> 00:50:48.720
So I want to feel heard. That's what I said. I just want to feel heard. Like if I feel

601
00:50:48.720 --> 00:50:52.840
authentically heard, then it's not really, that was the, that's the big thing. Like,

602
00:50:53.000 --> 00:50:59.240
yeah. Is it interesting? So anyway, hopefully maybe that, uh, maybe that'll help, but, um,

603
00:50:59.240 --> 00:51:09.000
so, but then as far as like, like long-term, um, like what I said, it's just the, um, it's that

604
00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:16.760
aspect of understanding eventually to just like receive what it is that they choose to offer of

605
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:20.840
themselves and know that what you're getting is you're getting the privilege of a piece of them

606
00:51:21.400 --> 00:51:26.600
that they're not offering others. And so, and it's just kind of like learning each other's

607
00:51:27.320 --> 00:51:33.960
language, like how someone else speaks or wherever, and that helps a lot. Um, and then

608
00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:39.880
just stop because here's the other thing, the more that, uh, that we, or I should say the less,

609
00:51:39.880 --> 00:51:47.320
if I want to approach it that way, grammatically, the less that we, um, need them to supply

610
00:51:47.320 --> 00:51:52.360
something for us. Cause when you choose, no, they can't really give me that. I have to get

611
00:51:52.360 --> 00:51:57.320
it from the Lord. The more that we rely on God for it. In other words, go to him and like, okay,

612
00:51:57.320 --> 00:52:01.720
do things that, you know, we talk about the rest intensive, you know, choose that, that I am loved

613
00:52:01.720 --> 00:52:05.400
unconditionally and that the Lord doesn't disconnect from me when I'm sitting and, you

614
00:52:05.400 --> 00:52:10.840
know, and, and, um, and, uh, that I'm unified with him and, you know, just the same way that you do

615
00:52:10.840 --> 00:52:17.800
for other relationships. Can you just fully anchor and secure yourself in the Lord? Then the,

616
00:52:17.800 --> 00:52:23.160
the less that you actually need from them and the less that you need from them, the more that you

617
00:52:23.160 --> 00:52:28.520
can enjoy them, the more that you can just love what it is that they offer of themselves without

618
00:52:28.520 --> 00:52:32.840
needing it to be different, without needing it to come in a specific form or whatever.

619
00:52:32.920 --> 00:52:43.480
And that is truly being at rest and being able to enjoy, um, and fully receive more from a

620
00:52:43.480 --> 00:52:50.760
relationship than if you could, then you, if you had control over it and could dictate what you

621
00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:56.440
got from it, you will receive more from it because they have a lot more to give,

622
00:52:56.440 --> 00:53:02.040
but we don't know to ask for it. It's an, it's like an, in the unknown of their debts

623
00:53:02.920 --> 00:53:09.080
that we don't know to ask for. It's just like the Lord. So the less that we ask for, I mean,

624
00:53:09.080 --> 00:53:13.720
sorry, the less that, that the more that we're just open to receiving what it is of them that

625
00:53:13.720 --> 00:53:18.440
they, that they offer, the more that we discover, like I said, same thing with the Lord, more that

626
00:53:18.440 --> 00:53:23.240
we discover because we, we don't even know the questions to ask in order to be able to tap the

627
00:53:23.240 --> 00:53:30.920
minds of the, the minus minds of something that we, you know, we don't even know exists.

628
00:53:32.440 --> 00:53:40.120
So, um, anyway, if that's helpful, that is, yeah, it is. So I, yeah, I think that's, it's good. It

629
00:53:40.120 --> 00:53:45.320
just helps me to, because I feel like I just want to be balanced and everything. And I think I was

630
00:53:45.400 --> 00:53:56.200
just at one end of the spectrum for so long. And I definitely, so you're right. Like they're

631
00:53:56.200 --> 00:54:00.200
offering all that they can, cause that's what he's like, I'm giving you what I'm capable of.

632
00:54:00.200 --> 00:54:09.640
I'm like, what do you mean? You're right. You're weird. Okay. I get it. That's helpful. It really

633
00:54:09.720 --> 00:54:13.560
is a lot. Yeah. And your marriage and your marriage counseling is going well.

634
00:54:16.200 --> 00:54:22.120
It definitely, it helps. It's just like, you know, we may not be having an issue. Like last

635
00:54:22.120 --> 00:54:26.760
Wednesday was great. Everything was great. And something new came up. And so now we went from

636
00:54:26.760 --> 00:54:31.640
every week to every other week. So I'm like, okay, I can't wait. Like another, you know what

637
00:54:31.640 --> 00:54:38.520
I mean? Like for me to be able to get around to have some enlightenment. So, um,

638
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:45.000
But do they teach you, um, and help you improve your communication to be able to solve your own

639
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:51.480
problems? Yes. It has, it has. And you know what, he's provided us with the tools and that we've

640
00:54:51.480 --> 00:54:56.600
decided, he was like, we know the tools we're not using it consistently. I was like, you're so right.

641
00:54:56.600 --> 00:54:59.800
So like there's a hundred percent commitment to using the tools.

642
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.360
into stopping negative communication patterns.

643
00:55:02.360 --> 00:55:05.240
So yeah, into being in a healthy relationship.

644
00:55:05.240 --> 00:55:06.920
So it is helpful.

645
00:55:06.920 --> 00:55:11.260
And I don't know, I hope I, I don't know, thank you.

646
00:55:12.760 --> 00:55:14.320
Yeah, you're welcome.

647
00:55:14.320 --> 00:55:16.760
Was there anything else about it?

648
00:55:16.760 --> 00:55:21.440
Did it make sense about how to do it more

649
00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:24.160
from place of being anchored in the Lord,

650
00:55:24.160 --> 00:55:28.400
which I know that we, I don't know about you,

651
00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:31.760
for me, sometimes it can feel like kind of distant

652
00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:34.960
from the actual problem and be kind of like a,

653
00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:36.160
here's basically what I'm saying.

654
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:39.120
It can feel like it's a slow,

655
00:55:39.120 --> 00:55:41.760
less direct way of dealing with it,

656
00:55:41.760 --> 00:55:44.760
but actually it happens very fast.

657
00:55:44.760 --> 00:55:49.280
So when we deal with things from a perspective

658
00:55:49.280 --> 00:55:51.540
of our relationship with the Lord

659
00:55:51.540 --> 00:55:54.320
and that basically that spiritual root,

660
00:55:54.320 --> 00:55:56.080
it will affect things faster

661
00:55:56.080 --> 00:55:58.840
because we're accessing the,

662
00:55:58.840 --> 00:56:00.920
we're giving authority into a situation,

663
00:56:00.920 --> 00:56:02.520
like say, for instance, marriage,

664
00:56:02.520 --> 00:56:07.520
from the perspective, from the kingdom of God.

665
00:56:08.720 --> 00:56:11.720
We're giving authority to the kingdom of God

666
00:56:11.720 --> 00:56:14.280
to access our marriage and to impact it.

667
00:56:14.280 --> 00:56:16.120
So it's more powerful.

668
00:56:16.120 --> 00:56:18.840
So therefore it's faster.

669
00:56:18.840 --> 00:56:21.400
It's faster, it's more genuine, it's more authentic.

670
00:56:21.400 --> 00:56:24.760
It hits the systems at a root level

671
00:56:24.760 --> 00:56:26.520
versus something that we can feel

672
00:56:26.520 --> 00:56:30.040
is like a more direct addressing of the problem of like,

673
00:56:30.040 --> 00:56:32.480
okay, well, like practically, what do we do?

674
00:56:32.480 --> 00:56:33.320
You know, kind of like,

675
00:56:33.320 --> 00:56:34.160
that's what we talked about

676
00:56:34.160 --> 00:56:35.360
the majority of this conversation was like,

677
00:56:35.360 --> 00:56:36.800
I was just giving some practical stuff,

678
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:38.520
which usually I don't do,

679
00:56:38.520 --> 00:56:40.120
but for whatever reason I decided

680
00:56:40.120 --> 00:56:42.320
I'd throw in some stuff today.

681
00:56:42.320 --> 00:56:47.320
But that is kind of like the whole thing

682
00:56:48.360 --> 00:56:50.880
of like putting a Band-Aid on something.

683
00:56:50.880 --> 00:56:54.600
It can help like protect the wound

684
00:56:55.440 --> 00:56:56.800
and whatever, but it's not actually dealing

685
00:56:56.800 --> 00:56:59.160
with the root issue, you know,

686
00:56:59.160 --> 00:57:01.360
underneath of what's going on.

687
00:57:01.360 --> 00:57:06.360
And so even though it can feel like a very indirect,

688
00:57:07.360 --> 00:57:10.800
like very unrelated or very distant

689
00:57:10.800 --> 00:57:13.000
from the actual problem itself of like,

690
00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:14.560
hey, we're dealing with this in our marriage.

691
00:57:14.560 --> 00:57:16.040
And so you're telling me I need to go

692
00:57:16.040 --> 00:57:17.520
and just like, you know,

693
00:57:17.520 --> 00:57:19.360
between me and the Lord and whatever.

694
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:20.200
It can feel like, yeah,

695
00:57:20.200 --> 00:57:23.040
but once it take a while for it to get to affect this,

696
00:57:23.040 --> 00:57:24.360
it's really not.

697
00:57:25.120 --> 00:57:26.400
It's actually very fast

698
00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:29.280
because that actually is the reason why we're responding.

699
00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:33.440
So you'll find that when you get anchored in the Lord

700
00:57:33.440 --> 00:57:37.720
and in solid and who it is that you and he are together,

701
00:57:37.720 --> 00:57:40.440
all of a sudden this fixes the problem.

702
00:57:40.440 --> 00:57:42.880
And it's just because that was the root

703
00:57:42.880 --> 00:57:44.000
of why you were triggered.

704
00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:45.600
It's the root of why it affected you.

705
00:57:45.600 --> 00:57:47.480
It's the root of why you saw it the way that you did.

706
00:57:47.480 --> 00:57:48.600
So now that this is fixed,

707
00:57:48.600 --> 00:57:50.600
you now completely see this totally different.

708
00:57:50.600 --> 00:57:54.000
I mean, it can happen very immediately.

709
00:57:54.680 --> 00:57:57.120
So basically it's you giving you what you need.

710
00:57:57.120 --> 00:57:59.360
And what sometimes takes a bit more time

711
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:00.960
is the other person, you know,

712
00:58:00.960 --> 00:58:03.880
because they have to now see something different from you

713
00:58:03.880 --> 00:58:07.240
and actually have to learn to build up that trust

714
00:58:07.240 --> 00:58:09.680
that this new thing is something

715
00:58:09.680 --> 00:58:11.600
that is going to stay around.

716
00:58:11.600 --> 00:58:13.320
That has to be something that, you know,

717
00:58:13.320 --> 00:58:15.720
they kind of have to watch for a while, you know,

718
00:58:15.720 --> 00:58:17.120
and then be affected by the spirit

719
00:58:17.120 --> 00:58:19.160
and then choose how it is that they want to respond.

720
00:58:19.160 --> 00:58:20.880
Because now you and they,

721
00:58:20.880 --> 00:58:23.080
the spirit within you is unaligned

722
00:58:23.480 --> 00:58:26.640
from what it is that is going on in them.

723
00:58:26.640 --> 00:58:27.480
It's unaligned.

724
00:58:27.480 --> 00:58:30.440
And so then now they have something different to respond to.

725
00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:32.800
And they're like, okay, well, how do I want to respond?

726
00:58:32.800 --> 00:58:34.400
There's a reason why they're responding

727
00:58:34.400 --> 00:58:35.240
the way that they are.

728
00:58:35.240 --> 00:58:37.520
They've got all this baggage, all this background,

729
00:58:37.520 --> 00:58:39.800
all of these, this past.

730
00:58:39.800 --> 00:58:41.960
And so now there's, they've got,

731
00:58:41.960 --> 00:58:45.600
they have the opportunity to make a new choice,

732
00:58:45.600 --> 00:58:47.640
but there's a reason why they've been making the choice

733
00:58:47.640 --> 00:58:48.480
that they've been making.

734
00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:51.440
So they're now like, what do I do about all this stuff?

735
00:58:51.480 --> 00:58:53.760
Like, you know, all the past, all the baggage,

736
00:58:53.760 --> 00:58:55.960
all my past experiences.

737
00:58:55.960 --> 00:58:57.480
You know, there's a reason why I'm doing all that.

738
00:58:57.480 --> 00:59:01.160
Do I want to let it all go and now respond appropriately?

739
00:59:01.160 --> 00:59:03.720
Or do I, am I just so wounded?

740
00:59:03.720 --> 00:59:07.160
I'm just staying entrenched in this old way of thinking.

741
00:59:07.160 --> 00:59:09.360
And so, so anyway, just FYI,

742
00:59:09.360 --> 00:59:11.160
that can kind of take a while,

743
00:59:11.160 --> 00:59:14.000
but it doesn't even have to take,

744
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:16.880
it can feel like a long time when you're in it.

745
00:59:16.880 --> 00:59:18.880
But what I've experienced

746
00:59:18.880 --> 00:59:20.480
and what I've watched in other people is that,

747
00:59:20.960 --> 00:59:24.000
over like, if you were to actually look

748
00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:26.680
at the amount of time compared to the amount of time

749
00:59:26.680 --> 00:59:30.400
it takes to change compared to like, I don't know,

750
00:59:30.400 --> 00:59:32.880
longer amount of time, it actually isn't very short.

751
00:59:32.880 --> 00:59:34.600
It actually isn't very long.

752
00:59:34.600 --> 00:59:36.520
It just feels like a long time.

753
00:59:36.520 --> 00:59:38.480
Like two weeks can feel like a very long time

754
00:59:38.480 --> 00:59:39.520
when you're in it.

755
00:59:39.520 --> 00:59:41.400
But like, when you look back over the fact of like,

756
00:59:41.400 --> 00:59:44.680
three years, two weeks of going through hell,

757
00:59:44.680 --> 00:59:47.040
you know, with him or whatever, it's very short.

758
00:59:47.040 --> 00:59:48.160
And I'm not saying two weeks, you know,

759
00:59:48.160 --> 00:59:49.600
because of what you're talking about,

760
00:59:49.680 --> 00:59:51.680
it just was the number that popped into my head.

761
00:59:51.680 --> 00:59:53.560
Like you're dealing with something, you know,

762
00:59:53.560 --> 00:59:57.040
it is actually very short over a very long, you know,

763
00:59:57.040 --> 00:59:58.760
compared to a very long period of time.

764
00:59:58.760 --> 00:59:59.600
So.

765
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.480
Cause I just was like, I felt like when God was like, there was just breakthrough.

766
01:00:04.480 --> 01:00:06.240
I was like, oh, I prayed this one night.

767
01:00:06.240 --> 01:00:08.720
Like I journaled it one night to God.

768
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:11.560
And it was like the same day something happened.

769
01:00:11.920 --> 01:00:15.840
And like, now I just feel like, okay, I'm not, I don't get the same response.

770
01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:25.080
And so I think I'm like a little like, no, he does that to build our faith, to

771
01:00:25.080 --> 01:00:27.480
let us know that we're headed in the right direction, that we're doing the

772
01:00:27.480 --> 01:00:33.560
right thing, but then that it doesn't always wait, he's not, he's not showing

773
01:00:33.560 --> 01:00:35.760
us a new formula that we can rely on.

774
01:00:35.760 --> 01:00:39.600
He's showing us a being that we can always rely on.

775
01:00:40.360 --> 01:00:40.760
Okay.

776
01:00:41.520 --> 01:00:41.680
Yeah.

777
01:00:41.680 --> 01:00:42.920
I gotta keep remembering that.

778
01:00:42.920 --> 01:00:47.960
Cause I'm like, okay, well I access the being this way and now it's not working.

779
01:00:48.000 --> 01:00:49.640
So like what's going on.

780
01:00:49.680 --> 01:00:50.080
Okay.

781
01:00:51.520 --> 01:00:51.840
Yeah.

782
01:00:51.840 --> 01:00:56.600
So it, and so this is basically what the rest of it is all about is to learn to let

783
01:00:56.600 --> 01:01:03.280
go of, of how, of how God shows up or what we get from God in order to choose God

784
01:01:03.280 --> 01:01:09.480
himself, regardless of what we get from him, regardless of how it shows up or

785
01:01:09.480 --> 01:01:10.080
whatever.

786
01:01:10.360 --> 01:01:13.160
And that's, that's a hard transition to make.

787
01:01:13.160 --> 01:01:16.840
I don't mean hard as in like it's complicated or even that it takes a long

788
01:01:16.840 --> 01:01:17.280
time.

789
01:01:17.720 --> 01:01:20.360
It's just hard as in the fact we actually have to do it.

790
01:01:21.200 --> 01:01:23.640
And that's like challenging to do.

791
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:27.120
But if one just makes up one's mind that one's going to do it, you just,

792
01:01:27.760 --> 01:01:28.880
well, then it can happen like that.

793
01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:31.360
It's just all of my intention.

794
01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:32.280
Yeah.

795
01:01:33.760 --> 01:01:34.080
Okay.

796
01:01:34.080 --> 01:01:39.680
So I think this is my thing is like, okay, well, before my time with God, so

797
01:01:39.680 --> 01:01:41.280
you can't see my finger, my time,

798
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:46.720
right.

799
01:01:46.720 --> 01:01:47.520
Like pre rest,

800
01:01:51.400 --> 01:01:52.960
the rest intensive, you know?

801
01:01:53.200 --> 01:01:53.520
Yeah.

802
01:01:54.240 --> 01:01:58.600
And I'm like, so I think I am trying to, it's like, well, I don't know.

803
01:01:58.600 --> 01:02:00.120
It's like, how, I don't know.

804
01:02:01.560 --> 01:02:02.640
I don't think I know.

805
01:02:02.640 --> 01:02:11.040
Like, how do I connect with, with God in a way that he thinks is meaningful?

806
01:02:11.040 --> 01:02:14.320
Like, I know I heard you say like, when you read it in Iran, it's just kind of

807
01:02:14.320 --> 01:02:19.080
like, well, you know, like I can just be doing dishes and I'm kind of like doing

808
01:02:19.080 --> 01:02:22.840
it with him, but I do have in my head, it's kind of like, I need to have this

809
01:02:23.080 --> 01:02:28.000
designated time where I'm doing something, you know, like, I don't know.

810
01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:29.960
Like it'll before it was like, okay.

811
01:02:29.960 --> 01:02:32.880
It was as easy as journaling before rest intensive though.

812
01:02:32.880 --> 01:02:36.960
It was like, okay, well I need to, you know, read my Bible or look at the

813
01:02:36.960 --> 01:02:42.920
verse today from the Bible app or do X, Y, Z in like, it just, I feel

814
01:02:42.920 --> 01:02:44.320
like it's a moving target.

815
01:02:44.640 --> 01:02:45.880
That's kind of how I feel.

816
01:02:45.960 --> 01:02:47.000
And I don't know.

817
01:02:48.440 --> 01:02:49.120
I don't, I don't.

818
01:02:49.160 --> 01:02:56.360
So I guess I feel like I don't know how to, how to connect in a way consistently.

819
01:02:56.360 --> 01:02:57.080
I don't know.

820
01:02:57.160 --> 01:02:57.960
I'm confused.

821
01:02:59.080 --> 01:03:03.600
We, um, we've got all of those ideas from church tradition.

822
01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:08.040
We had to be taught, you had to stop and had a set amount of time

823
01:03:08.040 --> 01:03:10.240
every day to spend time with the Lord.

824
01:03:10.640 --> 01:03:14.920
We were taught that the word devotion, you know, is like a, like a thing that

825
01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:18.920
you do with God is not mentioned anywhere in the Bible, it's just not.

826
01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:23.840
Now, yes, people had times where they, um, you know, where they, they, they sit

827
01:03:23.840 --> 01:03:26.480
and they talk with God and they sit and they spend time with God, just

828
01:03:26.480 --> 01:03:29.560
like you would with a person, you know, there's that, but then the majority

829
01:03:29.560 --> 01:03:36.480
of the Bible is, is people interacting with God in life, stuff that comes up.

830
01:03:37.440 --> 01:03:41.040
That God was there and they would bring God with them to do the thing.

831
01:03:41.040 --> 01:03:45.920
I mean, like David with, with, when he's like in battle or he's, you know,

832
01:03:46.000 --> 01:03:50.240
struggling with Saul or, you know, Jesus, when he's on the boat, you know,

833
01:03:50.240 --> 01:03:53.480
in the, in the middle of the sea of Galilee or he's just whatever they're,

834
01:03:53.760 --> 01:03:58.800
they're living life and they're doing stuff we call it in our, in our world

835
01:03:58.800 --> 01:04:02.800
right now, we're doing dishes, you know, but other people are like walking to

836
01:04:02.800 --> 01:04:06.560
a mass and they're sitting there and then they're eating afterwards

837
01:04:06.560 --> 01:04:07.800
that they're at the dinner table.

838
01:04:07.840 --> 01:04:09.800
It's nothing special.

839
01:04:10.280 --> 01:04:15.160
It's just bringing God into life because it, when I say that meaning,

840
01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:19.840
Remember that the whole point of it, think of it like, like this, going

841
01:04:19.840 --> 01:04:25.160
all the way back to, to you know, our purpose here on earth is remember

842
01:04:25.160 --> 01:04:27.960
that we were created for relationship with God, all that we're doing here

843
01:04:27.960 --> 01:04:31.440
in the physical realm is we were expressing that which already exists

844
01:04:31.440 --> 01:04:35.080
in the spirit, so who you and God are and how you've developed your

845
01:04:35.080 --> 01:04:40.080
relationship thus far, what the end, which is constantly changing, you know,

846
01:04:40.120 --> 01:04:44.080
what that looks, what does that look like right now, if you were to translate

847
01:04:44.080 --> 01:04:48.320
it into physical, you know, what does that look like?

848
01:04:48.320 --> 01:04:53.440
And that's what your life is supposed to look like right now is who you and

849
01:04:53.440 --> 01:04:54.880
God are right now in the spirit.

850
01:04:54.880 --> 01:04:59.800
And how would you translate that into what you do today?

851
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.740
into who you talk to today,

852
01:05:02.740 --> 01:05:04.500
into who you have a relationship with,

853
01:05:04.500 --> 01:05:06.580
into what business that you're gonna start,

854
01:05:06.580 --> 01:05:08.660
or how you spend your time,

855
01:05:08.660 --> 01:05:10.260
or which books you read or whatever.

856
01:05:10.260 --> 01:05:13.700
It's not, hey God, is it okay for me to read this book?

857
01:05:14.740 --> 01:05:16.580
It's like, are you okay with this?

858
01:05:16.580 --> 01:05:19.340
Is this like God approved?

859
01:05:19.340 --> 01:05:21.480
Or it's more like, okay God,

860
01:05:21.480 --> 01:05:23.220
you and I are living life today.

861
01:05:23.220 --> 01:05:24.540
Okay, we're getting in the shower.

862
01:05:24.540 --> 01:05:29.420
Okay, now we're getting me ready for the day.

863
01:05:29.440 --> 01:05:31.280
Now we're reading a book.

864
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:32.860
Now we are.

865
01:05:33.880 --> 01:05:38.480
And so you just bring God with you throughout every day.

866
01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:41.480
And then you can have special times where you stop,

867
01:05:41.480 --> 01:05:45.760
and it's just basically that devotions

868
01:05:45.760 --> 01:05:48.640
are kind of like this practice of intentionality,

869
01:05:48.640 --> 01:05:50.880
to remember to be very intentional about the fact that,

870
01:05:50.880 --> 01:05:52.760
I don't know, let's connect with the Lord.

871
01:05:52.760 --> 01:05:55.840
It's also a way to just remove distractions

872
01:05:55.860 --> 01:05:59.900
so that you're giving God, the king of the universe,

873
01:05:59.900 --> 01:06:02.340
time that you're giving him like,

874
01:06:02.340 --> 01:06:05.460
okay God, I'm not going to allow myself

875
01:06:05.460 --> 01:06:10.460
to be distracted by other desires or other,

876
01:06:10.700 --> 01:06:15.700
I don't know, other temptations of my to-do list,

877
01:06:16.220 --> 01:06:18.180
of what else I need to get done.

878
01:06:18.180 --> 01:06:21.620
It's just nothing but you, you and me.

879
01:06:21.620 --> 01:06:25.620
And I don't know, in practicing like being able to,

880
01:06:26.360 --> 01:06:29.280
without distractions, being able to hear him and whatever.

881
01:06:29.280 --> 01:06:34.280
So, but it's not a, God expects devotions out of you,

882
01:06:36.800 --> 01:06:40.400
or something, God needs you to give him you.

883
01:06:40.400 --> 01:06:43.760
So give him you while you're doing the dishes,

884
01:06:43.760 --> 01:06:45.320
give him you, I mean,

885
01:06:45.320 --> 01:06:48.080
cause give him like always access to you,

886
01:06:48.080 --> 01:06:50.040
you and he are doing it together.

887
01:06:50.040 --> 01:06:52.040
This isn't something that you've decided

888
01:06:52.040 --> 01:06:53.400
that you want to do in life,

889
01:06:53.420 --> 01:06:55.780
and you're just hoping God's okay with it.

890
01:06:55.780 --> 01:06:56.980
You're hoping it gets God approved

891
01:06:56.980 --> 01:06:59.500
and that God will use it, you know,

892
01:06:59.500 --> 01:07:02.420
to like impact the world, you know, it's whatever it is.

893
01:07:02.420 --> 01:07:04.740
You and God are living.

894
01:07:04.740 --> 01:07:08.460
God is getting a life experience

895
01:07:08.460 --> 01:07:12.000
through your physical existence.

896
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:14.780
Because remember, Christ is in you.

897
01:07:14.780 --> 01:07:17.460
So you no longer live, but Christ lives within you.

898
01:07:17.460 --> 01:07:20.340
I mean, like he's getting another earthly experience

899
01:07:20.340 --> 01:07:21.740
through you.

900
01:07:22.520 --> 01:07:26.320
He learned what it was like to live through Jesus.

901
01:07:26.320 --> 01:07:27.480
Now, Jesus was a bit different

902
01:07:27.480 --> 01:07:29.840
because obviously he was actually,

903
01:07:29.840 --> 01:07:34.240
it was actually, there wasn't like a spirit of Jesus,

904
01:07:34.240 --> 01:07:36.680
so to speak, that was apart from God.

905
01:07:36.680 --> 01:07:38.840
I mean, it was the actual son of God himself,

906
01:07:38.840 --> 01:07:40.680
you know, took on bodily form.

907
01:07:40.680 --> 01:07:43.960
But remember that he and God, the father,

908
01:07:43.960 --> 01:07:48.960
are as united as you and I are to God, the father.

909
01:07:49.960 --> 01:07:54.960
So that's why you can live like Jesus lived.

910
01:07:55.300 --> 01:07:59.020
That's why you can read what it is that he,

911
01:07:59.020 --> 01:08:03.900
the life experience that Jesus experienced here on earth,

912
01:08:03.900 --> 01:08:05.780
you know, of how he interacted with the father,

913
01:08:05.780 --> 01:08:07.900
and you can have that too.

914
01:08:07.900 --> 01:08:09.180
He was the example.

915
01:08:09.180 --> 01:08:11.140
He wasn't the example of, hey,

916
01:08:11.140 --> 01:08:13.780
do all of these things just like I'm doing them.

917
01:08:13.780 --> 01:08:17.100
He's like, no, no, live like I am living.

918
01:08:17.120 --> 01:08:19.279
Literally, there is nothing that I am doing

919
01:08:19.279 --> 01:08:20.279
that you can't do.

920
01:08:20.279 --> 01:08:23.279
He said, in fact, you will do more than this.

921
01:08:23.279 --> 01:08:26.520
You will do greater than this, is what he said.

922
01:08:26.520 --> 01:08:28.520
He literally told his only disciples this,

923
01:08:28.520 --> 01:08:31.840
and said, you will do greater things than what I'm doing.

924
01:08:31.840 --> 01:08:34.279
And he wasn't just saying, hey, obey all the laws

925
01:08:34.279 --> 01:08:35.600
just like I'm obeying the laws.

926
01:08:35.600 --> 01:08:38.680
He said, live like me.

927
01:08:38.680 --> 01:08:40.600
So you have the opportunity to do that.

928
01:08:40.600 --> 01:08:42.880
The same Christ that resurrected,

929
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:44.640
the resurrected Christ and the spirit

930
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:46.520
of the resurrected Christ is in you.

931
01:08:46.520 --> 01:08:49.620
All of that power of Christ is within you.

932
01:08:49.620 --> 01:08:51.380
And so you just live like that.

933
01:08:51.380 --> 01:08:55.460
You just, it's, you as a son of God,

934
01:08:55.460 --> 01:08:59.279
just like Jesus was the son of God, are now living.

935
01:08:59.279 --> 01:09:03.680
So imagine if you had, you know, just like,

936
01:09:03.680 --> 01:09:05.380
you know, in the gospels, there's Jesus,

937
01:09:05.380 --> 01:09:06.979
he came into earth, he came to earth,

938
01:09:06.979 --> 01:09:08.700
and it documented through the gospels that,

939
01:09:08.700 --> 01:09:12.100
hey, Jesus came to earth, and he was born in a manger,

940
01:09:12.100 --> 01:09:13.979
or he was born and posed in a manger,

941
01:09:14.040 --> 01:09:16.960
and, you know, there's all four gospels

942
01:09:16.960 --> 01:09:18.640
documenting all of the things that he did

943
01:09:18.640 --> 01:09:20.240
and all the ways he lived.

944
01:09:20.240 --> 01:09:22.740
You do know that that could be written about you.

945
01:09:24.120 --> 01:09:27.880
Now, no, you're not the son of God that died for the world.

946
01:09:27.880 --> 01:09:32.880
But my point is that, that God intended your life

947
01:09:34.880 --> 01:09:37.520
to look the way that Jesus' life looked

948
01:09:37.520 --> 01:09:40.000
and was documented to be.

949
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:42.399
And the experience that he had with God the Father,

950
01:09:42.420 --> 01:09:44.380
the communion that he had with God the Father,

951
01:09:44.380 --> 01:09:47.779
that is what God is saying he has offered to you.

952
01:09:47.779 --> 01:09:51.899
All you have to do is choose to receive that

953
01:09:51.899 --> 01:09:54.020
as opposed to doing your own thing.

954
01:09:55.140 --> 01:09:57.140
So you just, so just live.

955
01:09:57.140 --> 01:09:58.660
Yeah, you do devotions, you know,

956
01:09:58.660 --> 01:10:00.460
be intentional and all of that.

957
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.400
that, but it's so you can have those things, but God's just like, yeah, but that's very,

958
01:10:06.400 --> 01:10:14.080
if you're giving me that, then that's actually not you giving me, you giving me you,

959
01:10:14.080 --> 01:10:21.200
which is what I've asked for. I didn't ask for devotions. I asked for you. So giving you what,

960
01:10:21.200 --> 01:10:25.200
who are you? What do you, what do you do? You do? Well, I don't know. Maybe you like to garden.

961
01:10:25.200 --> 01:10:29.360
Maybe you like to, um, keep up your house and maybe you like to, you know, you're excited

962
01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:32.880
about starting a business and you're excited about like, well, what's, what's in me? What

963
01:10:32.880 --> 01:10:36.400
do I want to offer the world? How do I want to interact with other people in what context? Do

964
01:10:36.400 --> 01:10:40.480
I want to do it as an accountant? Do I want to do it as a teacher? Do I want to do it as an

965
01:10:40.480 --> 01:10:45.280
educator of educators? Do I want to do it as coach? Do it, you know, what, what do I want to,

966
01:10:45.280 --> 01:10:52.800
what do I want to do? Who are we in God together? So give, give him yourself. Don't give him what

967
01:10:52.800 --> 01:11:01.280
you do. Give yourself your experience, your emotions, or how you just live life and do it

968
01:11:01.280 --> 01:11:06.400
with him. That when you say you're, you're doing it, you're giving it to him. You're immersing

969
01:11:06.400 --> 01:11:11.200
yourself in him. You're allowing yourself to operate from a place of union with them. That's

970
01:11:11.200 --> 01:11:16.320
what the whole giving yourself is. It's like, you no longer live separate, just checking in with

971
01:11:16.320 --> 01:11:21.360
God periodically, making sure he approves, making sure this follows the rules or that this looks

972
01:11:21.360 --> 01:11:26.240
like him and that like, okay, Lord, would you do something like this? Okay. Well then I will do

973
01:11:26.240 --> 01:11:31.200
something like this. No, God's like, you need to live in more union with me than that. We need to

974
01:11:31.200 --> 01:11:36.800
be living and flowing together and are living and flowing together is what, when it's where you're

975
01:11:36.800 --> 01:11:41.440
living and flowing in the physical realm, it ends up creating this business. It ends up creating

976
01:11:41.440 --> 01:11:45.600
this ministry. It ends up creating this book. It ends up creating this garden. It ends up

977
01:11:45.600 --> 01:11:51.760
interacting with this other soul, but it's you and God flowing together, but in order for you

978
01:11:51.760 --> 01:11:57.680
and God to flow together, you have to give up you and immerse yourself in him so that y'all can flow.

979
01:11:59.520 --> 01:12:06.640
So yeah, you can't flow if you're separated. Okay. Got it. So I definitely get it like from a sense

980
01:12:06.640 --> 01:12:12.560
of like being vulnerable with him about what's going on with me. Um, I totally, I understand

981
01:12:12.560 --> 01:12:16.560
what you're saying about like, Oh, instead of like checking in with him as I do these things.

982
01:12:17.200 --> 01:12:21.040
So is it like, I don't know, I'm trying to understand like, what does that look like on

983
01:12:21.040 --> 01:12:25.520
a day to day? Is that like, Oh, I'm just like doing some stuff. And I'm like, I'll just talk

984
01:12:25.520 --> 01:12:31.440
to him about whatever's going on. Or it's just this, or is it just like, no, like the, the

985
01:12:33.280 --> 01:12:41.120
thinking is like, we're like literally, I don't know how, like, I just, I, I get it. I think from

986
01:12:41.120 --> 01:12:47.760
a theoretical point, when I'm like, well, what does that look like in action? But I know he'll

987
01:12:47.760 --> 01:12:51.840
show me. So I don't know, I guess if I asked you specifically, like, well, what does that look like,

988
01:12:51.840 --> 01:12:56.080
then it's more steps and formulas, because it might be different for everybody, I guess. I

989
01:12:56.080 --> 01:13:00.800
don't know. Yeah, the closest thing I can think of, I would recommend doing what you just,

990
01:13:00.800 --> 01:13:06.400
just mentioned, you know, you just, you just ask him, you know, and talk to him about it.

991
01:13:06.400 --> 01:13:11.360
The closest thing I can think of to describe it or to articulate it is I always imagined him being

992
01:13:11.360 --> 01:13:16.720
there. And that like, for instance, I would stand here, like, remember, literally, we're back in the

993
01:13:16.720 --> 01:13:21.680
same apartment where the Lord told me, you know, taught me that where I started the rest intensive,

994
01:13:21.680 --> 01:13:26.560
and where the Lord told me the word rest told me that right over there, you know, and then I would,

995
01:13:26.560 --> 01:13:30.160
and then when I talked, and then this is where this is the apartment that I was in when the Lord

996
01:13:30.160 --> 01:13:36.000
talked to me, when the Lord taught me about faith, and he taught me or began to continue to teach me

997
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:43.520
more depth of it later about like, how serious it was. But that we're where I also made the choice

998
01:13:44.560 --> 01:13:51.840
that God loved me, I was right over there, laying down, and God, and I thought, okay,

999
01:13:51.840 --> 01:13:58.000
what's the one thing that I haven't? If I don't feel loved by God, what's the and I read the Bible

1000
01:13:58.000 --> 01:14:02.000
from cover to cover, and I can't figure out how to how to believe that he loves me, what's the

1001
01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:06.880
one thing that I haven't done, that might help me finally feel loved by God, and I thought I

1002
01:14:06.880 --> 01:14:12.000
haven't chosen. It was laying right over there. It was late one morning, and I hadn't gotten up

1003
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:16.960
because I didn't have the willpower. I didn't have the motivation to get up and yet work on more of

1004
01:14:16.960 --> 01:14:22.240
my business trying to start something that I've been trying to start for 11 months by that point,

1005
01:14:22.240 --> 01:14:27.360
and still wasn't working. I just felt or eight months or long had been, and I was just exhausted,

1006
01:14:27.360 --> 01:14:32.640
and it just felt defeated, and it just felt pointless. And so I was procrastinating, getting

1007
01:14:32.640 --> 01:14:38.480
up and doing the same dadgum thing all over again today, just go to bed tonight, and it's still not

1008
01:14:38.480 --> 01:14:45.280
be any closer. And so I was lying there, and so I made the decision while I was lying there

1009
01:14:45.920 --> 01:14:50.960
to believe that to choose, okay, God loves me. And so I stood up right over there, and I made

1010
01:14:50.960 --> 01:14:55.840
that bed, and I got up, and I went into the shower that's right here, and I told the Lord,

1011
01:14:55.840 --> 01:14:59.920
you know, or I told myself, God is loving me right now.

1012
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.760
He is enjoying me. And I made the choice that he was. This is how I learned about choice.

1013
01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:11.280
It's because it was the one thing I hadn't tried is to be powerful enough to make a decision that

1014
01:15:11.280 --> 01:15:18.480
it was so. Because I always thought that that's, that's like egotistical or man-centric. I wasn't

1015
01:15:18.480 --> 01:15:23.520
ever equating it before I, before I did that. I wasn't ever equating it with no, that's actually

1016
01:15:23.520 --> 01:15:29.600
stepping into owning, owning myself in the way that God always intended me to own myself.

1017
01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:35.200
So that I can finally give, I had the power then to give me to him. I didn't, couldn't give me to

1018
01:15:35.200 --> 01:15:40.880
him if I refused to take up me. So anyway, so then I would, you know, I'm in the shower and

1019
01:15:40.880 --> 01:15:44.800
I'm just like, I'm over it. Okay. I'm going to choose it. You know, God is enjoying me right

1020
01:15:44.800 --> 01:15:48.560
now. He's not telling me, well, you know, you, why aren't you starting on your business show

1021
01:15:48.560 --> 01:15:54.160
or whatever? Why? Because I just decided he wasn't. I just said, no, you know, I can't,

1022
01:15:54.160 --> 01:16:00.320
I can't handle too many, too many like contrary things that God could want and mean and whatever

1023
01:16:00.320 --> 01:16:05.120
right now. I can only choose one because I can't, I can't handle the fact that he might also be

1024
01:16:05.120 --> 01:16:10.000
wanting me to be getting up earlier and to do this and to be more disciplined. I can't handle

1025
01:16:10.000 --> 01:16:14.400
that. And the fact that he loves me. So I just had to abandon one for a while. And that's what

1026
01:16:14.400 --> 01:16:20.160
I was talking about the other day where I said, if you can't do both, if you can't obey God without

1027
01:16:20.160 --> 01:16:24.800
strife and effort, stop trying for a while. It doesn't mean that you're not going to obey God

1028
01:16:24.800 --> 01:16:30.160
and you're going to go out there and do drugs. It just means that you're going to stop being

1029
01:16:30.160 --> 01:16:35.520
so worried about it. That you're going to stop putting all this emotional energy into trying

1030
01:16:35.520 --> 01:16:39.200
and thinking like you've got to keep the balls in the air or everything's going to go to hell

1031
01:16:39.200 --> 01:16:42.720
in a hand basket. And God's going to hate you. He's going to start through the fighting. That's

1032
01:16:42.720 --> 01:16:48.400
what I'm talking about and just choose instead. Okay. Who does God say that he is? And let me

1033
01:16:48.400 --> 01:16:52.400
choose those good things. He says, it's good. He says, it's love. He said, he loves me unconditionally,

1034
01:16:52.400 --> 01:16:57.200
even when I said, okay, so let me look like it. I can, I can only hold one thing in my head right

1035
01:16:57.200 --> 01:17:02.400
now at a time, you know, is what I was thinking. So I'm going to just choose. It's just all

1036
01:17:02.400 --> 01:17:06.960
encompassing. And then I went in next, next to the shower and then I started getting ready and I was

1037
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:13.440
doing the same thing. And then I went here, literally right here, right here, right there.

1038
01:17:13.440 --> 01:17:18.880
You're saying where it all happened. I was sitting right there and I was, and I just,

1039
01:17:18.880 --> 01:17:24.160
God is letting me do the dishes and he's, and, and enjoying the fact that he created physics

1040
01:17:24.160 --> 01:17:30.160
to work like this. And the fact that I meant that I'm clean and I'm loving order and I,

1041
01:17:30.160 --> 01:17:35.680
and I'm making my breakfast and I'm just whatever, you know, and so I just made those choices. And

1042
01:17:35.680 --> 01:17:41.040
that is how I brought God into everything it was I was doing. I know you probably have to go,

1043
01:17:41.040 --> 01:17:47.520
but that's what I'm saying. I was, I was just bringing everything in, um, to, uh, by, by

1044
01:17:47.520 --> 01:17:52.320
choosing that he was, he was says that he wasn't, that he was just always there. It was always there

1045
01:17:52.320 --> 01:17:56.720
and everything was good between us and let him deal with everything that wasn't good between us.

1046
01:17:56.720 --> 01:18:01.680
Let him deal with that later. Just right now. I just, I had to have a baseline that I could trust

1047
01:18:01.680 --> 01:18:07.200
him with everything it is in me that needed to be corrected. I needed a baseline of love

1048
01:18:07.200 --> 01:18:12.720
to start with. That's good. I get it. That helps me. It's like, it's not some miraculous,

1049
01:18:12.720 --> 01:18:18.960
it's just, just choosing that he's walking with me and living in me and love it to me. Okay.

1050
01:18:19.760 --> 01:18:27.040
Okay. It's always hard, but it's not, I know, I know it's not, it's simple. There's just reasons

1051
01:18:27.040 --> 01:18:32.080
why we're afraid. And so we just have to choose the simplicity and get over the fear. We just,

1052
01:18:32.080 --> 01:18:38.560
that's why I call it reckless abandon. It's just okay. Come what may awful things may happen,

1053
01:18:38.560 --> 01:18:44.400
but I'm pursuing God and just allow him to catch you, allow him to allow yourself to experience

1054
01:18:44.400 --> 01:18:51.520
that God actually does catch you, but you have to put yourself out there with no, uh, with no,

1055
01:18:51.520 --> 01:19:04.160
um, backup plan. I know. Really do it. Really do it. Yes, you will. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate

1056
01:19:04.160 --> 01:19:13.680
that extra 25, 30 minutes. I have a wonderful day. Bye.