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Hello everyone, I'm going to plug up my iPad really quickly.

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Okay.

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Hey.

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I don't have the opportunity to like have, um, you know, San Fran behind me. It's not anymore. Oh, I know.

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I don't know. There's a way to pick it you know there's a way to pick your zoom background. And I think you must have had it as your default, and maybe your settings got reset or something and so now it's no longer your default.

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Rita had the same thing she had apparently accidentally defaulted to a blurred background and I thought that will just like you're doing and I thought, Oh, that is so cool.

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How do you do it she's like I don't know I just thought it came like this. So, it was a default setting apparently. Okay. Yeah, well we'll make this blur work so.

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Yeah.

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Either way, this is my husband, Ed.

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I don't know everything about you.

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I hope so I don't know.

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But, you know,

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so Tammy is very close she's here in DFW. Okay. Yeah. So, you remember, I keep telling you about Dan and Kim Wheeler, and we haven't gotten you know you haven't gotten anything yet.

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I know her through, I know Tammy through Rita and Kim so you met Rita.

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Remember she was one of the ladies that we did a personal ministry session with a few months ago. And anyway, so they're all friends together they've known each other for about 10 years before any of them were married that kind of thing.

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So anyway, so they've all as one of the folks that I met long ago when I came to visit.

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When we're dating.

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No, none of these people are now. Okay, no. Yeah.

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In fact, Tammy and I just met a month and a half ago, I guess, during this rest intensive Yeah.

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But I'd always heard about her, you know, but I'd never gotten to get so anyway. All right.

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This is a bit of a, of a different one than the normal transformation session and so really I think I may have explained it before but really it's just about, you know, providing people with an opportunity to, like, talk about things that maybe they would

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like, you know, healing for or maybe especially on their, you know, on their hearts basically like healing from the Lord for something that they'd like to just kind of like work through with him or whatever.

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And then I'm sure you're very familiar with you know inner healing and all of that, with your background and stuff so anyway that is

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you guys froze but I don't know if it's on my side or not.

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Can you hear me.

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Oh, okay, you're back back. Okay, good.

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So, um, so anyway, it's, um, so that's what that's what this time is about and and so we just didn't know if there was anything in particular, because we've noticed we we offered it last rest intensive and it was so impactful that I thought okay apparently

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this is something I need to be offered.

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So, anyway, that's just kind of the purpose of this I realized that it was meeting so many so many needs and touching people in places that they just weren't used to having any kind of like feeling like they had any attention in, or someone to help walk

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through something that was like just really, really heavy on their hearts between them the Lord. So, and I don't mean to make all this sound very heavy I'm just letting you know it was that big of a deal to people.

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When we watch people through and basically just ask them Hey, what would you like, you know, Jesus for you to do it Jesus to do for you today. And then they, and then all of a sudden this stuff would come up that I'm thinking, I never heard any of this stuff

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you know, no one brought this up in the transformation sessions or whatever but because it was kind of a different type of a setup, boom, all this stuff came up.

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And a lot of people are like well you know I have issues with them. And I'm struggling with my father I'm struggling with this thing that happened or I'm struggling with whatever.

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of it was stuff I never even knew existed. And, but it's what

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was important to them. It was what they wanted Jesus to do for

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them. So I guess it's basically, you know, just our question is,

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is there anything that you'd like, you know, Jesus to, to do

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for you? I mean, is there anything that's just really deep

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in there that you're holding before him or?

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Um, okay, I don't, I do have two things, I guess, that came to

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mind. Um, I really don't feel like I'd have lots of background

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on inner healing, like, despite like, my background, I'm like,

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I really never put those things together. Like, I don't know,

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maybe I know it, but it's a different term. So I don't have

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so feel free to tell me a little more. Um, but I did, I know, I

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watched this spirit. I'm talking to like your soul and your body.

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So I'm a guess that it's aligned and similar to that. Um, I think

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I've realized that one of the things is, I feel like we've

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talked a little bit about this, but I feel like I am like easily

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wounded sometimes. And I'm like, I don't, I don't know, maybe I

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guess I feel very sensitive to others judgments or perceptions

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of me. And I think I'm getting a little better. Like I definitely

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have seen some growth, but I think that there's definitely

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some deeper things like I really want to walk, like, feel

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comfortable. And like, I can just be me just be like, Tammy, my

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personality, and just like not feel like I have to, like, I'm

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going to start with today, I'm going to a networking event, I'm

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about to put my resume back up and get out there. And I don't

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want like, past wounds from a previous boss, or even things

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that I've experienced with my husband, or even things that

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I've experienced as a child, say with between my mother and me,

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too. I don't want to bring that wound itself. Like I want to

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bring like, I'm a daughter of God, like, I walk in love, you

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know, I can articulate my thoughts clearly and

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confidently, like I want to be in that space, like all the

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time, you know what I'm saying? And so and I think, you know, in

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my previous work instance, I guess that's part one. And then

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part two is just like, I feel like I'm like, God has gifted

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me, I can write really well. But sometimes it's like when I'm

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trying to articulate something just like off the cuff, and I'm

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like, I have the best intentions. Like, why are they

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mad? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I just want to be able

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like I have friends that can just flow. It's just like,

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you're one of those people just like, like, it just came out

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beautifully, like, I want to have confidence that it's like,

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Lord, if it's you're showing me a book, if you're just making it

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happen, if you're helping me organize my thoughts, but I just

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want to be able to flow from that space, because I feel like

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it's really, really important just to be a really good

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communicator in that way. So um, I think those are the two

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things that I can think of.

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Now related to the communication, were you saying

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that what was on your heart is to be able to communicate things

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just really well, so you can express yourself? Or is it

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specifically because you have that on your heart? And you're

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like, Oh, I know that God's birthing something in there. Or

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were you saying that, like, in other words, better

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communication, because people keep getting hurt, and I don't

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know why. Like, yes, to avoid the outcome I'm getting, is

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that something you're holding before the Lord?

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I think it's both. I think it's both of those things. Because

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it's sometimes it's like, yeah, it's totally it's totally both

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of those things. Because I just want to be more. I don't know,

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maybe it's just being more in tune and maybe discerning of

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what maybe maybe that's the deeper spiritual root of it.

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Like, discerning of where, where people are, and what their

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hearts are, and what how they need to be spoken to, because I

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do feel like sometimes it's that conflict between like, there's

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the line, but like, I want to just, you know, I don't know,

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it's a line between like being assertive and being pushy, or

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just being just like, I don't feel like sometimes that nuance

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those nuances really come through, but it's both of those

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things. And I don't know if this is making sense. But I feel

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like in this space, it was like, I'm about to reenter the job

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market, I just, and I'm going to be interacting with people more

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on a daily basis. I just want life to come through from all of

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those conversations, interactions, and just God to

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give me the discernment and how to communicate well with people

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so that my heart can be shown His

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or can be shown and they can get what they need, and vice versa.

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Okay.

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Makes sense.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Well, so I'll share a couple of things with you.

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That's okay.

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Um, so, uh, like I absolutely, obviously I have no idea who you are.

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I never even heard your name until today.

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She may have told me, but you know, we men sometimes have selective hearing.

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And I'm not very good with names.

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So, but, uh, it's just kind of interesting.

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I, I don't know why, and this is Staley.

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I wrote down that you're a mover and a shaker and that sometimes for

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the moving, there's a lot of shaking.

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And I felt that there was a lot of shaking going on, uh, with you right

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now and that I wrote down, uh, two other things that I didn't understand.

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Uh, and one was, uh, broken boundaries and that there are things in your life

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I feel like are coming full circle and that, uh, but the cycles aren't going

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to continue and, uh, that I feel that maybe the broken boundaries part

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listening to you now has to do with some of these things that you want to, don't

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want to carry forward, uh, from your past and also to set healthy boundaries

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for you so that some of those cycles of wounding and things don't continue

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to happen either, because sometimes setting healthy boundaries, uh,

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doesn't, uh, doesn't feel good initially, I guess.

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And that there's some areas of your life.

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I felt like that we're coming full circle and some of that could be good,

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but it can be a little scary, especially if it didn't go super great.

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The, in the past and that, uh, one, I felt like the Lord wanted you to know

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that you're not just repeating things again, you know, that you're

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not just circling the mountain.

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You know, it's like, there are a lot of people I know that say this, but Graham

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cook, for instance, would say, you know, you don't fail a test, you just get to

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retake it over and over and over and over again.

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And I feel like that.

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Um, one it's, it's like you're higher up the mountain, you know, so you circle

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the mountain, you're going higher and higher, so you're, you're higher, but I

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also feel like you've been equipped in the past season that are going to allow

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you and empower you to make different decisions that is going to make clear

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to you that you're not the same person.

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It's like, behold, I do a new thing or we're a new creation.

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You're a different person.

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You're not the same.

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And the only way I can put it to you is, uh, when I started this part of my

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journey, I was beaten up and broken and all kinds of stuff.

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And I was like, I want to change.

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And I said, no, I don't want to change.

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I've changed enough because I there's changing this and it goes back and it

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ends up, I don't want a changing.

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I want transformation.

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I want like my DNA to change.

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And I had a woman that used to say, Ed.

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Uh, I had a guy come and talk one time and he said, Ed, there's first degree

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change, and then that first degree change is like when you take apples,

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you turn them into apple slices.

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And second degree change is when you turn apples into applesauce.

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There's no putting the applesauce back into an apple.

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It's that great of a change.

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And I feel that there is some encouragement that Lord wants to bring

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you in this season to make and solidify for you.

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Absolutely.

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That there's that dynamic of change that's taken place in you and

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that you don't need to worry.

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Also that there are going to be opportunities for you to make different

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decisions.

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They're going to give you different opportunities, you know, they're

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giving you different outcomes.

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Um, so it's not, uh, the definition of insanity where you're doing the same

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thing over and over again, expecting a different result that you're going to

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be making powerful decisions.

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They're going to make a difference in how things come forth and including, I

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believe something in this very season you're in right now.

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Uh, I believe that there's something stirring that is, it's like, kind of

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like a healing, uh, so that like the triggers aren't there anymore, that

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there's going to be healthier relationships.

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And, uh, I like to make fun of myself a lot, but you know, uh, I can, the

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only person that's been in every argument that I've ever had is me.

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Right.

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Like the, every fight I've ever been into, there's only one common

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denominator in all of them.

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And that's me.

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Right.

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And so sometimes it's the people like people used to joke.

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Where I met Ashley, Ed, your pickers broke, right?

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So you used to say, it's, it's your pick.

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You don't, you don't know how to pick them.

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Well, you know, wounded people like to hang out with wounded people, broken

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people, hang out with broken people, hurt people, hurt people, and you're

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not in an aspect of you where all like the onion is getting peeled all the time.

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There's an aspect of you that's being healed, has already been healed.

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And so the things that are naturally attracted to you are going to be different.

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So this is the inward change that has the outward effect.

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It's it, there's a dynamic change.

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That's already begun.

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It's already happened, but there's a, in this very season, I want to, I

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would almost say in the moment, there's some dramatic, there may not seem

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dramatic to everyone else, but they're dramatic to you, right?

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And also the shroud of invisibility.

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I don't know what else to call it.

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The shroud that seems to keep you hidden and not to be seen, let alone

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appreciate it is about to be lifted.

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And I think it's a part of the season that you're in that God has you in is

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that, uh, the person in it and it's like, um, it's like that song says revival

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starts with me and, um, I don't have any of this written down, so I hope all

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of this makes some semblance of sense for you, but it's like, there's a, there's

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a new love birthing in your own heart for yourself.

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I'll say that again.

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There's a new love birthing in your heart for yourself.

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And this thing, these things, they're going to get healed.

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They're not little things.

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There are things that happened to us in our life that we've been

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told that we just need to get over.

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Rubbed, especially as a man, we can say, rub some dirt on it, you know, and

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women don't say rub some dirt on it.

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It's going to be okay, but there's still that semblance of it's

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not that big a deal in whatever.

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But it's just like scar tissue that, that, you know, breaks up.

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And, uh, I, again, I like to make fun of myself.

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So I moved here to Texas, actually the guy who's her friend that we're staying

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here, he gets up very early in the morning.

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He's a very intense man for 15 in the morning and start asking me to go to the

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gym with him, which I haven't done for some time.

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And, uh, and he does all kinds of, but like, we're going to four 45 in the

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morning, which is like, I used to go to bed at four 45 in the morning.

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And, but at some point I was like, oh man, this thing hurts.

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And there's this guy's working out.

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And you know, there, he's like, oh, let me see this.

237
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He goes, what is that right there?

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And I'm like, ah, right.

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And he starts going like, oh, you feel that crunchiness.

240
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That's all that scar tissue, you know?

241
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Like, and I'm just crying and I got tears running down my face.

242
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And then he's like, no, move your arm.

243
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And I'm like, oh, look at that.

244
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Like, and in a similar sense, these things that happen to us build scar tissue up.

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And I feel like there's some scar tissue in your life.

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They call it the death of a thousand paper cuts.

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You know, it's like, I feel like there's been some scar tissue in your life that,

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that may the individual components, they may not seem like a big deal.

249
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We'll dumb it down.

250
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It's like nobody, unless they've had massive trauma, nobody thinks that they've

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had trauma in their life until somebody else hears your story.

252
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And then they go like, oh man, that's terrible.

253
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You know, like that's, that's traumatic, you know, but it's my story.

254
00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:42.640
Like I never, it's just what I grew up with.

255
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Right.

256
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And so chances are you've had some things spoken over you that

257
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never should have been said.

258
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There's times in your life where you needed to be celebrated and you wished.

259
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Right.

260
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And I'm sure you can think of some of those times.

261
00:19:03.480 --> 00:19:05.760
The reality is that he celebrates you.

262
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He's celebrating you right now.

263
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These things were a big deal to him.

264
00:19:12.720 --> 00:19:13.080
Right.

265
00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:17.360
And I'll, I'll just, I'm not trying to put my finger on anything.

266
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Okay.

267
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But no matter how great your parents were or are.

268
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Okay.

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Compared to God, the father, the perfect mother, the perfect father,

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they're going to have fallen short.

271
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Okay.

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And everybody is in this book.

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We all have had things that have happened to us, you know, and for

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instance, there's two types of trauma.

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There's trauma.

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A there's trauma B.

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Right.

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And one we're really familiar with something happens where you were assaulted.

279
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We were abused.

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Uh, we saw something we shouldn't have seen.

281
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The other trauma are the things that we were supposed to receive that we never did.

282
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And there are some things for all of us that have happened to us that should have happened,

283
00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:17.900
or things that should have happened that didn't, right?

284
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And God is in the place of redeeming and restoring these things in our lives,

285
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including filling those places.

286
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And of the two traumas, the hardest one on our own to heal is the trauma

287
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where we didn't get what we needed.

288
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It's like having cells in the battery of your car, and there are three of them that are empty.

289
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They just never were filled up.

290
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And you know what that shows up like is capacity.

291
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Like there are things in our lives that we don't have the capacity

292
00:20:53.820 --> 00:20:57.520
for because we've just never used it, right?

293
00:20:57.900 --> 00:21:02.860
And these unhealed places are like that spot that made me cry when the guy put his finger on it.

294
00:21:03.620 --> 00:21:07.200
Those are like sore spots that don't ever seem to heal.

295
00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:15.020
And when people touch those things, that 14-year-old version of you comes screaming out, right?

296
00:21:15.020 --> 00:21:18.560
And then we're acting or Ed's acting like a 14-year-old.

297
00:21:18.560 --> 00:21:19.880
Well, because I am.

298
00:21:20.120 --> 00:21:22.680
In that place, I'm 14 years old because that's what happened.

299
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Does that make sense?

300
00:21:24.660 --> 00:21:25.560
Yes, totally.

301
00:21:26.020 --> 00:21:31.780
So I believe that in a good way, and I've said this to many people.

302
00:21:31.780 --> 00:21:34.660
I've said to Ashley, this isn't you trying harder.

303
00:21:34.840 --> 00:21:36.940
This isn't you trying to fix yourself.

304
00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:44.820
This is God coming and putting his finger on these places with love, no condemnation,

305
00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:50.380
to bring healing to you because you're worth it, because he loves you,

306
00:21:50.820 --> 00:21:54.080
and because written right over top of your head, I see written beautiful.

307
00:21:55.020 --> 00:21:57.020
And that's something that he's placed there.

308
00:21:57.020 --> 00:22:01.100
And, you know, God's opinions aren't just opinions.

309
00:22:01.660 --> 00:22:08.460
It's not like your mom saying stuff, you know, like, oh, look at my beautiful girl, right?

310
00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:12.220
Well, every mom thinks their kids like it's like they say like only a face

311
00:22:12.220 --> 00:22:13.660
that a mom would love for a reason.

312
00:22:13.660 --> 00:22:20.380
But that's not how he, it's just truth, you know?

313
00:22:20.380 --> 00:22:23.500
And that's why sometimes I'll just bring Ashley in for a second.

314
00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:24.800
She says, oh, that's sweet.

315
00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:26.080
I said, it is a sweet.

316
00:22:27.080 --> 00:22:27.960
It's the truth.

317
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:30.120
Like, don't say it's sweet.

318
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:31.000
It's the truth.

319
00:22:31.400 --> 00:22:33.160
I'm not telling you to be nice.

320
00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:34.320
I'm telling you the truth.

321
00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:36.800
Telling you the truth.

322
00:22:37.800 --> 00:22:38.140
Right.

323
00:22:38.140 --> 00:22:46.760
And so what inner healing, if I break it down just quick, is like, we know about physical healing.

324
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You've got a broken bone, you know, you may get a cast on it or God, or somebody lays hands

325
00:22:52.920 --> 00:22:55.100
on you, prays and knits your bones back together.

326
00:22:55.500 --> 00:23:00.780
And though people think it's rare these days, but that stuff, people believe that can happen.

327
00:23:01.860 --> 00:23:06.980
Some people, they will say they understand there's deliverance in the Bible and depending

328
00:23:06.980 --> 00:23:13.020
on where you are in your life, in God, maybe it's something that you hold to or not, but it's the

329
00:23:13.020 --> 00:23:20.340
truth and that's spirit and we're body, soul, and spirit, but in the soul, God can heal you just

330
00:23:20.340 --> 00:23:29.240
like a broken bone, there are woundings, memories, traumas, things that should have

331
00:23:29.240 --> 00:23:30.520
happened that shouldn't happen.

332
00:23:31.040 --> 00:23:40.360
That's where our, you know, places where we've got inner bowels or self-protection or

333
00:23:40.800 --> 00:23:45.280
unforgiveness and things like that, that are healed.

334
00:23:45.300 --> 00:23:50.340
And so it's the inner healing is the healing of the soul, is the way I look at it.

335
00:23:50.660 --> 00:23:56.540
And again, this isn't like, okay, I want you to say this to yourself 10 times a day in the

336
00:23:56.540 --> 00:24:00.620
mirror, in the morning, you're the most wonderful person in the world, you know, and you say

337
00:24:00.620 --> 00:24:05.740
10 times a day and you maybe should, I don't know, but the point is, it's not something that

338
00:24:05.740 --> 00:24:11.820
you're doing, it's the Holy Spirit coming in power, like that comes when there's deliverance,

339
00:24:11.840 --> 00:24:17.680
like what happens when there's physical healing, for you to receive the healing and the

340
00:24:17.760 --> 00:24:21.840
end of the spirit to come upon you and to bring healing into these places.

341
00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:23.560
Does that make sense to you?

342
00:24:23.640 --> 00:24:24.600
Yes, it does.

343
00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:25.040
Thank you.

344
00:24:25.040 --> 00:24:25.320
Right.

345
00:24:25.600 --> 00:24:32.320
And one of the big ones that people mostly associate with inner healing is healing of

346
00:24:32.320 --> 00:24:33.860
memories, right?

347
00:24:34.300 --> 00:24:44.740
And this is the five cent, the two cent version of whatever that looks like is, is

348
00:24:44.740 --> 00:24:53.780
basically there are memories that we have that are troublesome or pivotal or where

349
00:24:53.780 --> 00:24:59.860
something originated or there's trauma, like something, you know, happened to us or

350
00:24:59.860 --> 00:25:00.140
whatever.

351
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.680
for the cases. And I had a boss and, and he was a huge history person.

352
00:25:06.320 --> 00:25:12.120
And he said he was fascinated by history because history is his story.

353
00:25:13.400 --> 00:25:18.760
And, and there's an aspect where God will come into those memories, bring healing

354
00:25:18.760 --> 00:25:21.960
to them, and then that history becomes his story.

355
00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:24.360
He redeems those moments, brings healing.

356
00:25:24.360 --> 00:25:27.120
And those things don't have hold of us anymore.

357
00:25:27.800 --> 00:25:29.320
That tenderness is gone.

358
00:25:29.800 --> 00:25:33.640
Those triggers, like everybody's got triggers.

359
00:25:33.640 --> 00:25:34.760
I don't care who you are.

360
00:25:34.760 --> 00:25:35.080
Right.

361
00:25:35.080 --> 00:25:39.400
And you know, when you've hit one, because, you know, all of a sudden the

362
00:25:39.400 --> 00:25:43.840
kitten turns into a lion and you're running for the door, it's like that just

363
00:25:43.840 --> 00:25:44.360
happens.

364
00:25:44.760 --> 00:25:50.720
And so that's what, what inner healing really, really is.

365
00:25:50.880 --> 00:25:52.720
And there's mothers and fathers wounds.

366
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:56.200
There's things that, um, happened to us even.

367
00:25:56.560 --> 00:26:03.760
And, um, I don't want to get too far down the bend, but, you know, um, and, and

368
00:26:03.760 --> 00:26:05.360
these things have an effect on our lives.

369
00:26:05.560 --> 00:26:10.760
And, um, even in generational senses, like if even science is now proving a lot

370
00:26:10.760 --> 00:26:17.680
of these things, epigenetics, you know, is the, is the study that shows that the

371
00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:23.240
things that happened to us, the decisions we make affect our DNA and the DNA that

372
00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:24.600
we pass on to our children.

373
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Right.

374
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:31.080
And so a lot of the things that the Bible talks about are now being proven out by

375
00:26:31.080 --> 00:26:32.800
the people that were trying to disprove it.

376
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:37.040
In a sense, science is now starting to back up all of these kinds of things, you

377
00:26:37.040 --> 00:26:40.720
know, and it's, um, you know, like they found interesting enough.

378
00:26:40.760 --> 00:26:47.880
I don't know why I'm sharing this, but that people that seem to have, uh, that

379
00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:52.640
things that happen to people in utero have a long time in effect in their life.

380
00:26:53.360 --> 00:26:58.520
So people that, for instance, have had lots of rejection in their life, sometimes

381
00:26:58.520 --> 00:27:06.280
they track it back to maybe they were an unwanted pregnancy or, you know, they were

382
00:27:06.320 --> 00:27:10.960
unplanned and maybe their relationship with their parents are great now, but the

383
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:15.120
mother was terrified, you know, or they were going through a difficult, or it was

384
00:27:15.120 --> 00:27:20.000
a traumatic, something happened in conception and these things affect that

385
00:27:20.040 --> 00:27:23.200
child and then they carry it with them and the Lord can come and set

386
00:27:23.200 --> 00:27:24.400
you free of all these things.

387
00:27:25.600 --> 00:27:26.720
Does that help a little bit?

388
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:27.520
Yes.

389
00:27:27.560 --> 00:27:28.080
Thank you.

390
00:27:30.040 --> 00:27:38.920
Um, so I don't know, um, exactly, um, what it is that if any of these things, I

391
00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:42.360
mean, one, I'll give you a chance in a moment to see if any of this, you know,

392
00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:43.400
lands home with you.

393
00:27:43.840 --> 00:27:47.720
Uh, and I don't want to go probing around inside of you.

394
00:27:47.760 --> 00:27:51.720
Like, uh, like, you know, we're, we're like, you're a cadaver that we're

395
00:27:51.720 --> 00:27:54.560
trying to do an autopsy on.

396
00:27:54.960 --> 00:28:02.160
Um, but you know, if there's something that the Lord wants to touch, um, then

397
00:28:02.160 --> 00:28:07.240
we'll go there and I did have one thing come to mind and I'm gonna shut up.

398
00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:07.720
Okay.

399
00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:08.360
For a second.

400
00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:08.880
Okay.

401
00:28:09.520 --> 00:28:16.280
Um, and, and you talked about, um, woundings and things from past

402
00:28:16.280 --> 00:28:22.160
relationships, um, you mentioned past relationships, you mentioned your

403
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:25.320
husband, you mentioned different things, nothing, you didn't say anything bad

404
00:28:25.320 --> 00:28:29.000
about your husband, things happen.

405
00:28:29.080 --> 00:28:29.560
Okay.

406
00:28:30.080 --> 00:28:38.800
Um, and one thing that, um, that I, you know, I was taught, but something

407
00:28:38.800 --> 00:28:40.400
that I'm kind of thick headed, right?

408
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:43.000
So the Lord has to tell it to me in my own words.

409
00:28:43.000 --> 00:28:47.440
And, um, there was a time I was sitting somewhere and I kept

410
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:50.920
hearing, uh, the term safe Harbor.

411
00:28:51.560 --> 00:28:56.920
And, and I kept seeing this picture.

412
00:28:56.920 --> 00:29:00.640
I'm a kind of a visual person of, of a Harbor, like a cove.

413
00:29:01.040 --> 00:29:03.000
And I thought about it like, Oh yeah.

414
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:07.680
Like, like I love to go to the, I used to love going to the Caribbean, right.

415
00:29:07.720 --> 00:29:11.640
And you had pirates and whatever, and they would all have these, they

416
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:17.160
would sail into these coves, these safe harbors to hide and to also

417
00:29:17.160 --> 00:29:19.280
be not exposed to the elements.

418
00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:24.240
And the Lord said to me, you know, Ed, what are you harboring?

419
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:27.000
And that Harbor was my heart.

420
00:29:27.960 --> 00:29:29.400
What are you harboring it?

421
00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:35.040
And now there was some discussions and this went on for a little while.

422
00:29:35.920 --> 00:29:40.600
And then at some point there was a boat, there were other boats in this Harbor

423
00:29:41.040 --> 00:29:43.440
and there was a boat and it had somebody's name written on it.

424
00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:47.160
And I call these people.

425
00:29:47.560 --> 00:29:51.040
Well, we'll just say, these are like what I call rubber band people, right?

426
00:29:51.040 --> 00:29:54.640
They, these are the ones that you, you forgive over and over and

427
00:29:54.640 --> 00:29:56.760
they just keep rubber banding back.

428
00:29:56.960 --> 00:29:59.160
Like I thought I forgave them, but I just can't.

429
00:29:59.160 --> 00:29:59.960
And why can't I?

430
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.960
Just, I just thought, right.

431
00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:06.120
And there were all of these anchors, lots of anchors coming off of this boat.

432
00:30:06.760 --> 00:30:10.040
And each anchor was something that this person had done to me.

433
00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:16.320
And he said, Ed, forgiving this person without forgiving the things that

434
00:30:16.320 --> 00:30:20.160
they've done to you is like telling this boat to sail out of the Harbor.

435
00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:30.360
So whenever I've worked through, and I'm not, I'm not putting this on you.

436
00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:30.800
Okay.

437
00:30:31.040 --> 00:30:37.240
But when I've worked with people that have things harbored in their heart, like

438
00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:44.960
that resentment, um, you know, some unforgiveness work that needs to be done.

439
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:45.840
Another level of it.

440
00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:51.360
One of the things that I go to is that we go through an exercise and it's to forgive

441
00:30:51.560 --> 00:30:57.440
specific things that that person has done, you know, and you just start, you

442
00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:01.640
know, with this person and you go through and, you know, and it's like, you know,

443
00:31:01.640 --> 00:31:07.320
Lord, I give you, you know, it's like, I give you, you know, my dad, you know,

444
00:31:07.320 --> 00:31:13.520
I forgive my dad for what, well, and, and this is like, he's not here.

445
00:31:13.560 --> 00:31:17.720
You're not going to offend the man, you know, for this thing, he said for this

446
00:31:17.720 --> 00:31:21.040
thing, he did for this thing, he didn't do for this thing that he did to this

447
00:31:21.040 --> 00:31:26.520
person, you know, and then you, and in, it's like, you're taking, I'll look at

448
00:31:26.520 --> 00:31:28.640
people sometimes and I'll see rocks in their heart.

449
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:31.480
It's like, you're taking a rock out of your heart.

450
00:31:31.560 --> 00:31:32.560
You're sticking your hand, Lord.

451
00:31:32.560 --> 00:31:33.960
I give you, I do this.

452
00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:34.840
I give you this.

453
00:31:35.120 --> 00:31:39.160
I forgive this person for this, for this, for this, this one, for this, for this.

454
00:31:39.640 --> 00:31:42.800
And then in the end, you make a cup with you kind of with your

455
00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:44.240
hand and you fill this cup up.

456
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:48.720
And then in second, Peter says, we cast all of our cares and concerns upon the Lord.

457
00:31:49.560 --> 00:31:53.360
And we offered them up to God, wipe those things away and

458
00:31:53.360 --> 00:31:54.560
he takes those things away.

459
00:31:55.280 --> 00:31:55.520
Right.

460
00:31:56.080 --> 00:32:01.040
So whether that means that there's forgiveness work that needs to be done,

461
00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:04.400
or it's just something that came up in my mind, I don't know.

462
00:32:04.920 --> 00:32:08.920
So now I turn it over to you to see how you're doing and what you

463
00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:10.800
think, what resonated with you?

464
00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:13.280
A lot.

465
00:32:15.040 --> 00:32:18.880
I mean, I guess most recently that I definitely have, I think I definitely

466
00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:20.400
have forgiveness work to do.

467
00:32:21.080 --> 00:32:26.840
I never thought about talking to God specifically about those things.

468
00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:31.040
Um, yes.

469
00:32:31.360 --> 00:32:33.480
And I think I've learned recently.

470
00:32:33.520 --> 00:32:40.640
Um, it's like, I've seen change in a person, but it's like how the power of

471
00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:46.840
my words, and if I, if I designate them to their old self instead of their new

472
00:32:46.840 --> 00:32:51.640
self and I describe them that way, it's like, I have a part in allowing

473
00:32:51.640 --> 00:32:53.440
that to come back to the surface.

474
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:59.480
And so I think a part of that is completely giving it to God and

475
00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:01.200
forgiving those specific instances.

476
00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:05.360
And then speaking the truth of who they are now and who, you

477
00:33:05.360 --> 00:33:07.240
know, the new creation that they are.

478
00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:14.120
Um, so I think that that definitely resonated with me because I definitely

479
00:33:14.200 --> 00:33:16.680
with my husband, I have some stuff to do.

480
00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:22.680
And I think I have this fear of like, okay, I can forgive him, but

481
00:33:22.760 --> 00:33:24.840
oh, he's going to do it again type of thing.

482
00:33:24.840 --> 00:33:28.360
So it's kind of like, you didn't really change, you know?

483
00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:31.520
So it's like the rubber band, you keep snapping, forgive me, but you

484
00:33:31.520 --> 00:33:33.960
snap, you snap and hurt me again, you know?

485
00:33:34.760 --> 00:33:39.560
And so, um, I, I definitely think that's a part of that.

486
00:33:40.080 --> 00:33:48.480
Um, with the invisibility piece that was huge at my last job, I felt like I was

487
00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:54.760
invisible for probably like two years and I had a coworker who was like her and the

488
00:33:54.760 --> 00:34:01.200
boss, they were chummy and, um, which I have no problem with, but I just felt

489
00:34:01.280 --> 00:34:08.960
unheard and, um, and like my ideas didn't matter or they weren't valuable.

490
00:34:09.320 --> 00:34:13.679
Um, and then like, I was, I told Ashley, I think once in a session we had was

491
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:21.120
you know, God set it all up though, where it was like, they both went out on

492
00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:26.719
maternity leave and so I had to do both of their jobs and it was just like,

493
00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:29.760
everybody, you know, the staff, they all liked me.

494
00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:33.960
And, um, but you know, like the boss is like, I don't, I don't think she really

495
00:34:33.960 --> 00:34:37.280
valued me when she came back and she was like, oh my God, no, I want to hear what

496
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:37.920
Tammy has to say.

497
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:40.960
She's been running the school, you know, I mean, you know, by herself.

498
00:34:41.000 --> 00:34:45.600
And then my coworker was like, well, what, like the dynamics shifted and, you

499
00:34:45.600 --> 00:34:50.320
know, and so, but that was a painful two years of just feeling like invisible,

500
00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:58.120
you know, and I have apprehension about going back and working and having a boss

501
00:34:58.120 --> 00:35:00.040
that has some of that same.

502
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.260
you know, because I didn't come into that space feeling like I

503
00:35:05.260 --> 00:35:08.300
needed to like, oh, I need to show them like I just was like,

504
00:35:08.340 --> 00:35:12.480
I kind of really had daughter type of like, you know, vibes

505
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:14.540
like, oh, yeah, you know, we're gonna do it. You know what I

506
00:35:14.540 --> 00:35:17.100
mean? Like, yeah, we're we're a group of females. We went to

507
00:35:17.100 --> 00:35:19.420
grad school together. Like we're not competing against one

508
00:35:19.420 --> 00:35:22.260
another. Like we're just gonna you know, that's the space that

509
00:35:22.260 --> 00:35:25.540
I came from. But that's not the space that I felt the other two

510
00:35:25.540 --> 00:35:28.900
had. And so I felt like to be seen that I needed to like

511
00:35:28.960 --> 00:35:33.280
assert myself, you know, but then in asserting myself, like

512
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:36.720
at a point, it just became where it's like, you're becoming who

513
00:35:36.760 --> 00:35:39.340
they are, or who is the aspect of them that you don't want to

514
00:35:39.340 --> 00:35:44.600
be, you know. And so it's like, this year has been good, because

515
00:35:44.600 --> 00:35:48.440
I was able to like, see some of those things and reflect and all

516
00:35:48.440 --> 00:35:51.340
of that, because I took a sabbatical, which is amazing.

517
00:35:51.340 --> 00:35:54.800
Thank you, God. But now I'm going back. And so I was like, I

518
00:35:54.800 --> 00:36:00.900
have to face all of those hurts and wounds. And even with my

519
00:36:00.900 --> 00:36:03.980
coworker, or with my boss, I think there's forgiveness that I

520
00:36:03.980 --> 00:36:08.220
need to do. Because God put my coworker on my heart the other

521
00:36:08.220 --> 00:36:10.940
day. And I was like, I don't want to call her. I don't trust

522
00:36:10.940 --> 00:36:13.880
her. Like, you know what I mean? Like, but then I saw like, it

523
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:16.140
was a couple different things that he was like, nudging my

524
00:36:16.140 --> 00:36:19.260
heart. And then I saw her car. And it wasn't her, but it was

525
00:36:19.260 --> 00:36:21.440
like the car that we used to park next to each other. And I

526
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:24.700
was like, okay, guys, I will reach out to her. And I did. And

527
00:36:24.700 --> 00:36:27.020
she's going through a transition. And she was like,

528
00:36:27.060 --> 00:36:30.260
girl, we're both believers. You know, it's crazy. It's like

529
00:36:30.260 --> 00:36:33.320
brothers and sisters in Christ and having drama. And we've

530
00:36:33.320 --> 00:36:36.300
resolved it. I told her my issues. But still, there's this

531
00:36:36.340 --> 00:36:39.980
element of just like, I don't fully trust her. And so but

532
00:36:39.980 --> 00:36:43.400
we're sisters in Christ. And I need to just like, let that go

533
00:36:43.420 --> 00:36:46.140
and be able to like, fully, she's like, he probably just

534
00:36:46.140 --> 00:36:48.920
wanted you to pray for me, girl, because XYZ is going on. And

535
00:36:49.220 --> 00:36:53.360
she's transitioning. And so, um, I don't want to have

536
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:56.300
unforgiveness in my heart. And I want to be able to let that go

537
00:36:56.300 --> 00:36:59.700
and close that season properly so that I can move fresh to the

538
00:36:59.700 --> 00:37:05.620
next, you know? So, yeah, that's some of them. Yeah.

539
00:37:07.460 --> 00:37:10.380
And, um, how's your relationship with your parents? How was your

540
00:37:10.380 --> 00:37:11.580
childhood and stuff? Is it good?

541
00:37:12.700 --> 00:37:18.020
Overall? Well, I think I had excellent parents. I'm so happy

542
00:37:18.020 --> 00:37:21.080
that they raised me in the faith. Um, my mom, though, is

543
00:37:21.080 --> 00:37:24.560
the harder of the two. Like, my mom was kind of like that, like,

544
00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:28.440
nobody owes you anything. Like, if you want it, you need to go

545
00:37:28.440 --> 00:37:33.000
get it. Like, she just raises me like strong women, which I'm

546
00:37:33.000 --> 00:37:35.440
thankful of, like, I'm really thankful, because I know that

547
00:37:35.440 --> 00:37:38.320
comes from the adversity that she had to face in order to

548
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:42.840
overcome, you know. Um, but she wasn't very like, she gave us

549
00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:45.440
everything we need. She trained us and taught us. I know she

550
00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:49.820
loves us so much, even to this day. Um, but she wasn't very

551
00:37:49.820 --> 00:37:53.240
nurturing. Like, my mom wasn't very nurturing. Like, my dad has

552
00:37:53.240 --> 00:37:57.440
more of a nurturing spirit than he, than she does. And anytime

553
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:01.980
that I've heard my mom cry is like, wailing to God, because,

554
00:38:01.980 --> 00:38:04.940
you know, the marriage between her and my dad wasn't going

555
00:38:04.940 --> 00:38:08.540
right. But I've never really seen her be vulnerable. Like,

556
00:38:08.540 --> 00:38:12.980
she's this hard shell. And then my dad, he's more vulnerable,

557
00:38:12.980 --> 00:38:16.440
but he's also very stubborn. Like, he has his principles and

558
00:38:16.440 --> 00:38:20.720
the good principles, but he's kind of distant a little bit.

559
00:38:20.920 --> 00:38:23.680
And he started a new family after they got divorced. So I

560
00:38:23.680 --> 00:38:27.760
have two little sisters, like, my God, we just celebrated his

561
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:29.840
birthday. I can't forgot, I have to calculate how old, but he's

562
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:32.900
77. So I had two little sisters who are five and eight. And we

563
00:38:32.900 --> 00:38:36.080
were like this, me and my mom and dad with this perfect little

564
00:38:36.080 --> 00:38:39.360
Christian family or whatever. But there was infidelity going

565
00:38:39.360 --> 00:38:42.840
on. And my mom, we didn't know this is young. She protected us.

566
00:38:42.860 --> 00:38:46.540
You know, and she was a single parent, essentially, from third

567
00:38:46.540 --> 00:38:51.220
grade, until my dad came back from working a recruiting type

568
00:38:51.220 --> 00:38:54.420
of job. So he provided for us physically, I mean, financially,

569
00:38:54.420 --> 00:38:59.300
but he wasn't present. And so even my sister and I, we both

570
00:38:59.300 --> 00:39:04.260
have this is like, I know he was going through his own stuff with

571
00:39:04.260 --> 00:39:10.780
the divorce and everything. And, but then when he got remarried,

572
00:39:11.160 --> 00:39:13.840
and he has other family, it feels like we don't matter

573
00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:16.760
anymore. Like we're not. So like, we took him out for his

574
00:39:16.760 --> 00:39:20.920
birthday. And so we were like, it sounds cool, but it's not a

575
00:39:20.920 --> 00:39:23.140
lot of I guess I won't share all the back story. But we were

576
00:39:23.140 --> 00:39:26.360
like, Dad, we just wanted to be us two in you. So like, we did

577
00:39:26.360 --> 00:39:29.560
Topgolf with just my sister and I, she's a year and a half

578
00:39:29.560 --> 00:39:33.460
younger than me, and in him. And so it was good, because it's

579
00:39:33.460 --> 00:39:36.320
like his attention is on raising this new, you know, the girls,

580
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:39.600
and he does a great job and, you know, and being a provider in

581
00:39:39.620 --> 00:39:43.740
that way. Um, but I think we do have some wounds like that,

582
00:39:43.740 --> 00:39:47.340
like, Dad, you forgot about us type of thing, you know, so

583
00:39:48.180 --> 00:39:50.880
despite all of that, I have a really healthy, healthy

584
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:54.220
perspective of my Heavenly Father, because my dad really

585
00:39:54.220 --> 00:39:56.540
was a good dad, like I could talk to him about things that I

586
00:39:56.540 --> 00:39:59.900
couldn't talk to my mom about. So overall, I feel really

587
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.040
less, but like you said, you know, there's no perfect parents.

588
00:40:03.040 --> 00:40:03.720
So, yeah.

589
00:40:04.680 --> 00:40:07.160
So this is a, just a strange thing.

590
00:40:07.400 --> 00:40:12.800
Like, was there anything going on between the ages of four and eight in your life?

591
00:40:17.040 --> 00:40:19.600
Like, I don't know how old you are when you're in third grade, but

592
00:40:20.560 --> 00:40:22.760
that's what my dad left to go recruiting.

593
00:40:23.200 --> 00:40:27.000
And that's where you said anything I've seen four to eight.

594
00:40:27.360 --> 00:40:31.120
Then I'm like, I'm used to seeing a single number, like what was going

595
00:40:31.120 --> 00:40:32.920
on in your life when you were four?

596
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:35.120
But this was four to eight.

597
00:40:35.800 --> 00:40:37.160
I felt like 48 years old.

598
00:40:37.160 --> 00:40:38.040
There was this window.

599
00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:41.080
What was going on during that time in your life?

600
00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:47.040
I don't have lots of vivid memories from when I was really young.

601
00:40:47.160 --> 00:40:50.640
Um, I know my dad got converted when I was really young.

602
00:40:50.640 --> 00:40:55.200
So he told me a little bit of his conversion story and like, I think

603
00:40:55.200 --> 00:40:59.000
probably I really started to know who God was probably like around four.

604
00:40:59.240 --> 00:41:02.760
Like I do have a memory of like being in children's church at a Sunday school.

605
00:41:02.760 --> 00:41:06.880
And I know I, my dad confirmed when this memory actually

606
00:41:06.880 --> 00:41:08.480
happened as far as the location.

607
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:13.120
So I think I don't have any negative memories from there, but I do know.

608
00:41:13.640 --> 00:41:17.760
In four to eight, we were like, I felt like we were a really good family,

609
00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:23.160
like, you know, but at eight is when he left and he took this job recruiting for

610
00:41:23.160 --> 00:41:29.040
the army and so he left and that's when my mom became like a single parent and

611
00:41:29.280 --> 00:41:34.440
she would cry sometimes like I knew something wasn't right between them,

612
00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:36.000
but I didn't know what it was.

613
00:41:36.360 --> 00:41:36.720
Yeah.

614
00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:41.040
And, um, yeah, she was always strong.

615
00:41:41.040 --> 00:41:42.400
She always took care of us.

616
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:46.600
She, you know, we went to church, we had a good church family.

617
00:41:47.200 --> 00:41:48.480
She was a really good mom.

618
00:41:48.520 --> 00:41:49.120
So, yeah.

619
00:41:50.680 --> 00:41:51.280
That's good.

620
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:59.280
But yeah, that's when really, I think the relationship between them became like that's

621
00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:03.680
when the, the, it was the beginning of the end, I think from, from at least the kid

622
00:42:03.680 --> 00:42:05.120
point of view from their marriage.

623
00:42:05.120 --> 00:42:05.440
Yeah.

624
00:42:06.160 --> 00:42:08.880
So what, how old were you when they divorced?

625
00:42:10.760 --> 00:42:12.400
Like 32 or three.

626
00:42:14.360 --> 00:42:14.600
Yeah.

627
00:42:14.600 --> 00:42:18.080
So that was a long, that was a long, slow, slow death.

628
00:42:18.840 --> 00:42:19.200
Yeah.

629
00:42:21.160 --> 00:42:21.560
Yeah.

630
00:42:22.560 --> 00:42:22.960
Wow.

631
00:42:24.680 --> 00:42:24.840
Yeah.

632
00:42:24.840 --> 00:42:28.400
Well, you know, uh, well, thank you for sharing that, you know,

633
00:42:28.840 --> 00:42:31.120
obviously it's touched some things.

634
00:42:31.160 --> 00:42:37.920
Um, you know, we get it however we get it and sometimes we don't, but the main

635
00:42:37.920 --> 00:42:42.240
role of the mother is of course to protect and teach, but it's to nurture.

636
00:42:44.080 --> 00:42:48.960
And the, the role of the father is to protect and, you know, everybody talks

637
00:42:48.960 --> 00:42:51.320
about provision, but that's part of protection.

638
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:57.880
And is to affirm who you are, to call your life and call you to identity.

639
00:42:59.000 --> 00:43:07.800
And, and like, like we said, like no one does all of these things perfectly, but

640
00:43:07.800 --> 00:43:16.600
we're not, we're not stuck in that place, you know, and, uh, I, I don't know you,

641
00:43:16.600 --> 00:43:20.320
but I would imagine that you're a pretty nurturing person.

642
00:43:21.080 --> 00:43:26.920
So it doesn't seem to me like there's a deprivation of nurture in your life

643
00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:32.800
that God's done a pretty good job of filling in that place in you.

644
00:43:33.120 --> 00:43:36.800
So that, because, you know, it's like the trickle down effect, you know, it's

645
00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:43.400
like what we got, you get what I didn't get, you don't get, because not because

646
00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:48.040
I'm a terrible person, but I just don't have it to give, I don't have that

647
00:43:48.040 --> 00:43:55.160
capacity, you know, and we can grow in it, but, you know, um, you know, if you

648
00:43:55.160 --> 00:44:00.440
got, you know, I don't, you know, I, I remembered once, I don't know, I'm not

649
00:44:00.440 --> 00:44:03.480
going to go down this rabbit trail, but I remember the Lord telling me once that

650
00:44:03.960 --> 00:44:08.480
some of the greatest fathers that have ever lived are on the planet right now.

651
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:10.480
And some of them never had fathers themselves.

652
00:44:11.280 --> 00:44:15.880
And that's because God himself was going to follow these men, you know, and it's

653
00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:22.120
not just fathers, but in the same sense that's available to us, then I think

654
00:44:22.120 --> 00:44:27.640
there's aspects of, of that aspect of God that, you know, because he himself

655
00:44:28.040 --> 00:44:33.280
has been the one to do it for you just to kind of pick up the slack, so to

656
00:44:33.280 --> 00:44:34.640
speak, if that makes any sense.

657
00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:40.480
Yeah.

658
00:44:41.080 --> 00:44:45.080
I mean, I guess we kind of do comparisons sometimes, which is not healthy.

659
00:44:45.520 --> 00:44:46.280
Um, I don't know.

660
00:44:46.280 --> 00:44:47.160
I love my sister.

661
00:44:47.160 --> 00:44:48.360
She's like one of my best friends.

662
00:44:48.360 --> 00:44:50.720
She's definitely like uber nurturer.

663
00:44:51.200 --> 00:44:55.240
I'm like, yeah, my husband thinks I'm nurturing, but he doesn't need nurturing

664
00:44:55.240 --> 00:44:56.480
in the traditional sense.

665
00:44:56.480 --> 00:45:00.040
Like, he's just like, Tammy is just the sound of your voice and your presence.

666
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.520
since and I like, okay, that's great. But babe, I want to help.

667
00:45:03.520 --> 00:45:07.160
Why don't you let me help? Let's grow this stuff together. And

668
00:45:07.160 --> 00:45:11.360
so I guess there is an aspect of that. I think I'm kind of Yeah,

669
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:14.400
I'm a version of nurturing. Maybe. Yeah.

670
00:45:15.720 --> 00:45:19.560
Yeah, you love spending time with children. You know, Sunday

671
00:45:19.560 --> 00:45:24.760
school or you know, she, she was when she left, she was left her

672
00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:28.040
job. She was an assistant principal. So she had to run the

673
00:45:28.040 --> 00:45:30.800
school when her when her boss is out and all of that. So she

674
00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:35.520
she loves kids and in a way that I just don't have that thing

675
00:45:35.520 --> 00:45:39.920
hard. I'm gonna love my kids whenever they come. But it's,

676
00:45:39.920 --> 00:45:44.400
you know, I just don't just don't have it's just, I don't

677
00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:47.360
know, there's just, I always consider it as something very

678
00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:50.960
special that someone has, when they have a heart for for

679
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:53.480
children, because they take a lot of patience, because they're

680
00:45:53.480 --> 00:45:57.400
so very different than us in the way that we think as adults. And

681
00:45:57.400 --> 00:46:01.640
so that takes, especially if children respond, it means that

682
00:46:01.640 --> 00:46:04.680
there's a lot that there's a great nurturing spirit. And so

683
00:46:04.680 --> 00:46:07.680
you found people to pour it out on, you know,

684
00:46:08.040 --> 00:46:11.560
and I guess thing is that praying for capacity is a real

685
00:46:11.560 --> 00:46:15.200
thing that God will answer. Yeah. So if you're if you're

686
00:46:15.200 --> 00:46:20.480
going, well, you know, I don't know, you know, you just ask him

687
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:25.360
for it, and he can give it to you. So I'm not sure where to go

688
00:46:25.360 --> 00:46:28.480
from here. I don't know how long are we supposed to be on

689
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:35.560
this call? Oh, we've got another 15 minutes. Okay. So I can

690
00:46:35.600 --> 00:46:43.280
either give you some homework of things to do with the Lord, or

691
00:46:43.280 --> 00:46:45.960
we work through some of this kind of together, we probably

692
00:46:45.960 --> 00:46:52.560
won't be able to do all of it. So I can, I can walk you through

693
00:46:52.560 --> 00:46:58.120
an exercise of like, a healing of memory, if you'd like, or,

694
00:46:58.680 --> 00:47:02.800
and then let you kind of work through some of the forgiveness

695
00:47:02.800 --> 00:47:07.840
stuff, your own or later with Ashley, or, or we can start kind

696
00:47:07.840 --> 00:47:12.880
of, you know, I know it's a big tree, but we can take a hatchet

697
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:18.680
to it and start working at some of that. What what sounds good

698
00:47:18.680 --> 00:47:19.160
to you?

699
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:22.960
Okay, I kind of just said the first one, but the second with

700
00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:24.560
with the tree analogy, I don't know.

701
00:47:25.120 --> 00:47:28.480
I'm just saying, it sounds like sometimes when you open up that

702
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:31.720
whole thing of forgiveness, right? And you're going to kind

703
00:47:31.720 --> 00:47:35.680
of just go, like, okay, we're gonna start with, you know, one

704
00:47:35.680 --> 00:47:38.880
person and then like, what about your sister? You know, what

705
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:42.640
about your mom? What? And it can just start to span across,

706
00:47:42.680 --> 00:47:47.320
right? And so the point is, we, we may not be able to, I'll

707
00:47:47.320 --> 00:47:50.080
call that the tree, like forgiveness tree, right? We'll

708
00:47:50.080 --> 00:47:52.960
call it, we may not be able to chop it all down, right? We may

709
00:47:52.960 --> 00:47:55.560
not be able to get through all of it, like say, in 15 minutes,

710
00:47:55.560 --> 00:47:59.480
and I don't want to leave you hanging. But we can begin it.

711
00:48:00.360 --> 00:48:03.480
And, and then these are things you can continue to work through,

712
00:48:04.400 --> 00:48:05.480
you know, later on.

713
00:48:07.520 --> 00:48:12.280
Probably the first with a healing exercises, working that

714
00:48:12.280 --> 00:48:14.720
with that looks like with God, because then I can continue to

715
00:48:14.760 --> 00:48:19.120
do that on my own as well. He's going to do the work anyway.

716
00:48:19.800 --> 00:48:24.400
Yep. Okay. And so a lot of times, I'm going to have to, I

717
00:48:24.400 --> 00:48:28.560
like to sit up, right? So sorry, I'm actually, she'll, she'll get

718
00:48:28.560 --> 00:48:32.120
more of your beautiful face later. So I just kind of like

719
00:48:32.120 --> 00:48:38.640
the way I kind of, I kind of roll here. So. So a lot of times,

720
00:48:38.640 --> 00:48:43.760
like I'll have people know what it is that they need, right? Or

721
00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:46.360
I'll have a sense, you know, like, I don't know. And it's

722
00:48:46.360 --> 00:48:50.400
very easy to think of this, like, I was in a terrible car

723
00:48:50.400 --> 00:48:55.240
accident. And, you know, somebody died or something, you

724
00:48:55.240 --> 00:48:58.200
know, like that, and we can go into that. And unless you have

725
00:48:58.200 --> 00:49:03.760
something, what I'll do, often, even in groups of people, is

726
00:49:03.800 --> 00:49:07.080
I'll, I'll pray, and I'll ask the Lord to bring a memory up to

727
00:49:07.080 --> 00:49:13.520
you. Okay? And don't, don't search, don't worry about it.

728
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:18.160
You know, there's no pressure, you know, and but if something

729
00:49:18.160 --> 00:49:23.120
comes up, don't push it out. Okay? Don't just like, oh,

730
00:49:23.120 --> 00:49:25.960
that's just, you know, me. And, and it doesn't have to be like,

731
00:49:25.960 --> 00:49:28.240
well, then don't judge yourself like, well, that's not a big

732
00:49:28.240 --> 00:49:33.200
deal. Like, whatever. This isn't you. This is the Holy Spirit

733
00:49:33.880 --> 00:49:38.160
bringing something that's up on his heart, on his mind for you.

734
00:49:38.960 --> 00:49:45.200
Right? And, and this is, this is not heavy lifting. Okay? It's

735
00:49:45.200 --> 00:49:49.120
very simple. Right? And then, and then, to your point

736
00:49:49.120 --> 00:49:52.840
afterwards, when these things, because a lot of us when painful

737
00:49:52.840 --> 00:49:57.120
things come to mind, we just, our way of dealing with it is we

738
00:49:57.120 --> 00:49:59.960
just push it aside. We don't give it a thought.

739
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:09.000
But with this, it gives you a tool, I don't like that term really, but it gives you an avenue relationally with God.

740
00:50:09.000 --> 00:50:14.000
That's why I don't like it to say like a tool, because then it's just like a pen.

741
00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:16.000
This is a relationship with you and the Lord.

742
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:21.000
When things like that come up, instead of pushing them aside, you invite them in.

743
00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:24.000
You just invite them into that space with you.

744
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:28.000
You know, where were you, Lord? Where were you, God?

745
00:50:28.000 --> 00:50:31.000
You know, not like, why didn't you do something?

746
00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:33.000
You know, like, where were you? Why didn't you come over?

747
00:50:33.000 --> 00:50:35.000
You know, like you knew that was happening.

748
00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:40.000
Why didn't you come over here and do, you know, it's more like you just invite him in.

749
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.000
And see what he has to say, see what he's doing.

750
00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:51.000
And he's there at work, bringing healing into that space and he reclaims it and the wound, the wound is there.

751
00:50:51.000 --> 00:51:00.000
You know, in the priesthood, if you had, you couldn't go into the temple if you had open wounds, right?

752
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:02.000
So it's the open wounds.

753
00:51:02.000 --> 00:51:10.000
It's the things that won't heal that God's after to one to bring healing to so that, you know, like the enemy can't just poke at him all the time.

754
00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:11.000
Does that make sense?

755
00:51:11.000 --> 00:51:13.000
Yes, totally.

756
00:51:13.000 --> 00:51:14.000
Okay.

757
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:19.000
So unless something's already come to your mind, I'm going to pray.

758
00:51:19.000 --> 00:51:20.000
Okay.

759
00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:22.000
And we're going to ask him to bring something to your mind.

760
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:23.000
Okay.

761
00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:27.000
And then we're just going to go and we're going to, we're just going to see what he wants to do.

762
00:51:27.000 --> 00:51:28.000
Okay.

763
00:51:28.000 --> 00:51:29.000
All right.

764
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:32.000
So Lord, I thank you for my beautiful sister.

765
00:51:32.000 --> 00:51:41.000
Like Holy Spirit, I ask right now that you would come into the room right there where she is.

766
00:51:41.000 --> 00:51:48.000
The Lord, we just cut away all the distracting voices, all of the things that would be competing for her time.

767
00:51:48.000 --> 00:51:55.000
And Lord, I don't know what it is that she needs, but you do.

768
00:51:56.000 --> 00:52:22.000
So what I ask that if there's something that you want to bring healing to, something from her past, something in her mind that you would bring it to her mind right now.

769
00:52:22.000 --> 00:52:24.000
You got something.

770
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:32.000
Um,

771
00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:33.000
you're safe.

772
00:52:33.000 --> 00:52:36.000
Okay, you're safe.

773
00:52:36.000 --> 00:52:39.000
No one ever is going to hear about whatever it is you talk about.

774
00:52:39.000 --> 00:52:42.000
You're completely safe.

775
00:52:42.000 --> 00:52:50.000
Okay.

776
00:52:51.000 --> 00:52:54.000
It's just, um,

777
00:52:54.000 --> 00:53:04.000
I guess the argument that just kind of went out of control between my husband and I.

778
00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:10.000
It's just to the point where it's like, I wasn't even like, he just kept talking at me and talking at me.

779
00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:19.000
He's like, hours, it felt like and I wasn't allowed to like actually leave the premises.

780
00:53:19.000 --> 00:53:21.000
And

781
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:24.000
I just felt like,

782
00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:28.000
I don't know.

783
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:49.000
Things like what you said about boundaries, it's just like I've allowed so many boundaries to be broken and healthy boundaries to be broken, and that is just like one of the really vivid ones where I'm just like, I can't believe this happened to me type of thing, you know.

784
00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:51.000
Yeah.

785
00:53:52.000 --> 00:54:18.000
It's just like, you know, I told him I'm like, you know, this is like recently, this is supposed to be say you love me but I'm like I've never allowed anyone to treat me in some of the ways that you treated me and we decide like we want to stay together and I've seen a healthier version of him but I just want, I need it to stick.

786
00:54:19.000 --> 00:54:21.000
I need it.

787
00:54:21.000 --> 00:54:24.000
Like,

788
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:36.000
I told him sometimes it's like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, behavior, the ups and the downs, and I like need God to do a work, a permanent work in his heart.

789
00:54:36.000 --> 00:54:50.000
So that we can be who God wants me to be, and we can be in a healthy marriage consistently and not the ups and the downs, the triggers.

790
00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:52.000
Yeah.

791
00:54:52.000 --> 00:55:00.000
Well, there's probably some forgiveness that needs to happen in that place and, and that is, as you probably have heard this about 1000 times that's not letting someone in.

792
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.140
off the hook. That's not conditioned. The forgiveness isn't for him. Forgiveness is

793
00:55:05.140 --> 00:55:12.920
for you. It's for you. Not for him. It's like somebody defined

794
00:55:12.920 --> 00:55:18.000
like kind of like unforgiving it like drinking poison hoping the other person

795
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:24.760
is gonna die. Or that if we forgive then we're gonna we're gonna like

796
00:55:24.760 --> 00:55:31.560
turning over all of our ammunition you know. And it's really not forgiveness in

797
00:55:31.560 --> 00:55:34.920
a way it might affect him but it has nothing to do with your husband. It has to

798
00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:41.760
do with you. Has to do with your heart your own freedom. And so you're not

799
00:55:41.760 --> 00:55:48.080
carrying any more stuff and to lighten your load. And I think there's like

800
00:55:48.080 --> 00:55:51.240
sometimes I can see it on you now like I'll look at people and I'll see a

801
00:55:51.240 --> 00:55:55.680
backpack full of rocks. They're just things that person's unnecessarily

802
00:55:55.680 --> 00:56:00.120
carry. Sometimes it's false responsibility. Sometimes it's it's they

803
00:56:00.120 --> 00:56:03.480
just beat themselves up or things that they haven't mistakes they've made they

804
00:56:03.480 --> 00:56:07.480
haven't been let allowed to let go of. And similar to kind of that forgiveness

805
00:56:07.480 --> 00:56:11.960
exercise. God wants to lighten your load and to take these things off of your

806
00:56:11.960 --> 00:56:17.600
shoulders so you're not carrying it more. Okay and so I'm not preaching at you.

807
00:56:17.600 --> 00:56:22.480
I'm just I just feel like these is this is the place where God is dwelling in

808
00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:28.480
your life waiting. Not for you to do stuff. This isn't you fixing you. Okay.

809
00:56:28.480 --> 00:56:35.720
This is not you fixing you. This isn't a self-help. This is God waiting quietly to

810
00:56:35.720 --> 00:56:39.560
spend time with you to deal with these things. To touch these things in your

811
00:56:39.560 --> 00:56:45.240
heart for this things to change. Not change people. This is you we're talking

812
00:56:45.240 --> 00:56:51.360
about. Yeah. Right. That makes sense. So but to stay on track what we started.

813
00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:56.280
Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it. Okay. So I just ask you to

814
00:56:56.280 --> 00:57:02.600
close your eyes. Okay. So Father I just thank you for Tammy Lord and and all

815
00:57:02.600 --> 00:57:08.560
that she shared. And this memory that you brought that you brought up before her.

816
00:57:08.600 --> 00:57:16.120
So Lord Jesus we invite you into this memory. And I ask you to show her where

817
00:57:16.120 --> 00:57:24.680
you were. To show her and tell her anything that she needs to hear from you.

818
00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:30.080
And we invite you to come and reclaim this place.

819
00:57:38.560 --> 00:57:41.560
Thank you Jesus.

820
00:57:54.560 --> 00:57:57.560
Thank you Lord.

821
00:58:08.560 --> 00:58:24.560
Did he show up? Would you like to share? I felt like he said like he was there with me.

822
00:58:25.560 --> 00:58:40.520
And I don't know I just he was there with me and part of me feels like I just

823
00:58:40.520 --> 00:58:52.200
didn't I didn't I didn't I wasn't attuned to him. And I guess recently I went

824
00:58:52.200 --> 00:59:02.160
through something not as dramatic as that but a little bit. And he is just

825
00:59:02.160 --> 00:59:08.840
like his spirit just placed the song into my heart. Firm foundation like he

826
00:59:08.840 --> 00:59:15.200
won't fail. And he just it was just playing in my ears the whole time like

827
00:59:15.200 --> 00:59:21.360
during that episode. And it was just his constant reminder that he was with me

828
00:59:21.360 --> 00:59:31.600
even during the storm. So yeah promise that you know that he will overcome the

829
00:59:31.600 --> 00:59:39.120
world. So I just know that I'm starting to understand how he walks with us

830
00:59:39.120 --> 00:59:47.600
through the storms and through the pain. And it protects us just refocuses on who

831
00:59:47.600 --> 00:59:54.000
he is in that. And sure enough though like in the recent ones like he he

832
00:59:54.000 --> 00:59:58.240
turned it around super fast you know. He turned it around super fast and that

833
00:59:58.240 --> 01:00:01.600
was a change of heart.

834
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.000
Yeah, so he was with me.

835
01:00:02.000 --> 01:00:08.000
Well, so, you know, sometimes it's like that.

836
01:00:08.000 --> 01:00:10.000
A song will come.

837
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:19.000
But for some people, it's like, you know, he'll show up and he'll stand between them and the person that hurt them.

838
01:00:19.000 --> 01:00:22.000
He'll cover their ears.

839
01:00:22.000 --> 01:00:27.000
He'll tell you what he sees.

840
01:00:28.000 --> 01:00:34.000
You know, because it's a bit of a violation is the word that I was hearing of what you're describing.

841
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:50.000
You know, and it's not to talk ill of anyone, you know, your husband or whatever, but it's a, it's like you were violated in a sense, you know, it's kind of a violent word to say, but it was like a violation.

842
01:00:51.000 --> 01:01:03.000
And so, whether your visual or he speaks to you. I know very strange thing like not knowing your background to be like well where's the Lord like you know like well I don't know I've never seen him before.

843
01:01:03.000 --> 01:01:07.000
But I'm telling you that if you give him the opportunity.

844
01:01:07.000 --> 01:01:10.000
He will come into these places.

845
01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:16.000
He'll walk in it's like he were here in this moment, the only time we can encounter the Lord is in the moment we're in.

846
01:01:16.000 --> 01:01:31.000
But he's outside of space and time, he can go back in time into that place and heal that memory, just like if you just want to mentally picture it that way like we're in this timetable now, but he's outside of space and time.

847
01:01:31.000 --> 01:01:38.000
And so he can go into the memory, and that time and bring healing into that space for you.

848
01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:42.000
And this is something that you can do with people but you can do it on your own.

849
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:53.000
I have a feeling that there's gonna be a lot of heart surgery that God's gonna be doing in a good way. Okay, not the time that everybody's like, Oh, Lord's been dealing with me.

850
01:01:53.000 --> 01:02:00.000
It's been I cried for two hours the other day like he's been convicted me of all the things I ever did.

851
01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:15.000
He's really going to be doing a lot of heart stuff in you, for you to hit a new place a new level of peace and a new level of, of kind of like, I don't know the word maybe serenity, but where it's kind of like the things around you don't affect you the way

852
01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:21.000
that they did in. And, you know, I'm going to pray for you in a second but

853
01:02:21.000 --> 01:02:39.000
I encourage you to do the, the, the healing work and, and all of that, and I just had a man I just had a thing Oh, they're a principle that I talked to people about when you've been in times of change, and in, and especially if there's like dramatic

854
01:02:39.000 --> 01:02:53.000
change. And, and I, the first time I heard this was a was a guy that I doubt he's a Christian. All right, he had a Christian upbringing but had a lot of other stuff going on in his life and.

855
01:02:53.000 --> 01:03:10.000
But I remembered he had a, it was like a guru or something. And he said, and he said, you know, son if you ever want to find out if you've mastered your life, meaning like you've come to this concept of who you are, and you will find out you've mastered

856
01:03:10.000 --> 01:03:16.000
life, go home and spend two weeks with your parents.

857
01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:24.000
Because there's no two people, the longer the people have a preconceived idea of who you are.

858
01:03:24.000 --> 01:03:42.000
The more you're fighting against that that that's to get that tractor pull the pull you back into the trench, who you are in biblically speaking, Lord said you know well, a prophet is not without honor, except that at home with his family, his hometown.

859
01:03:43.000 --> 01:04:01.000
You know, the God, God in the flesh. Yeah, you know, when they were in here they were like wait a minute and that Joseph son, then that that carpenters kid, like who does he think he is and he can only like, like two people of some of some sicknesses.

860
01:04:01.000 --> 01:04:12.000
So the, the point is, as you go through these things, and you're around your familiar places, and you're familiar people.

861
01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:18.000
My word for you, I've never put it this way and do not use them as your barometer for change.

862
01:04:18.000 --> 01:04:21.000
That's good.

863
01:04:21.000 --> 01:04:28.000
I've never used it that term in that way, but don't look to them as your barometer for your change.

864
01:04:28.000 --> 01:04:34.000
And their preconception of you is their problem.

865
01:04:34.000 --> 01:04:49.000
And that doesn't reflect upon the, the grassroot in depth change that will come fruit, even non believers if they don't even have the words believe in fruit and fruit takes time, and it lasts.

866
01:04:49.000 --> 01:05:00.000
And people will see it. Right. But you can't hold them responsible for their, you know, for their, their broken spectacle.

867
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.000
And you, you really can't use in this season them as a barometer for where you're at.

868
01:05:07.000 --> 01:05:10.000
Okay.

869
01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:16.000
Right, because you're more than you perceive that yourself are that you are.

870
01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:18.000
That makes sense. Yes, it does.

871
01:05:18.000 --> 01:05:23.000
Right. So, before we do any praying stuff do you have anything you want to add Ashley.

872
01:05:23.000 --> 01:05:37.000
The only thing I can think of is just wanted to clarify that, so that you can hopefully understand something that took me a while to understand is when God goes back and we talked about like going back and healing our memories.

873
01:05:37.000 --> 01:05:47.000
It's not, it's not changing the fact that it happened in denying that it happened, because sometimes we can think well yeah but it still happened.

874
01:05:47.000 --> 01:06:00.000
And you have it is still there and we're and we don't know how to kind of reconcile healing with the fact that it happened like yeah but that still hurt and that was injustice was done done to me etc so you've probably gotten this but I did not.

875
01:06:01.000 --> 01:06:10.000
Until, until, I don't know I think somebody explained to me will know if that God removes all the sting out of it.

876
01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:29.000
The negativity that was created and the damage that was created in your life from that point to this point gets healed, it gets redeemed, and it's as if it never happened as in like God will take all things and work them out for good to those who love him.

877
01:06:30.000 --> 01:06:44.000
So you get all of the benefit of the healing and the redemption, without something that's happened that God has healed, which you remember is stronger after it's healed than it was before it ever was broken.

878
01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:58.000
You get all the benefit without any of the negativity so I just wanted to explain so that you're not looking for or struggling to reconcile the fact like okay yeah but God it still happened and what's going to be removed is this thing, and all of the negative

879
01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:05.000
effects. So yeah, that's good. Thank you. I appreciate that.

880
01:07:05.000 --> 01:07:09.000
You have anything else that you want to.

881
01:07:09.000 --> 01:07:14.000
Do you have more on the whole mover shaker part.

882
01:07:14.000 --> 01:07:24.000
No, I just was sitting as you were talking when you first came on I just wrote it down, and the thing is like,

883
01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:32.000
I'm not gonna as a friend of mine would say, I'm not going to claim this is a word for Lord but it's stronger than an opinion

884
01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:40.000
that I wouldn't be surprised if your, your, your paths, and we'll start them out for career.

885
01:07:40.000 --> 01:07:50.000
As an example, aren't may may take you in directions that you don't expect, and I feel like there's going to be some suddenly coming forth in your life.

886
01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:54.000
And everybody likes the thought of suddenly.

887
01:07:54.000 --> 01:08:02.000
But the joke is like nobody ever talks about, you know, everything that happened leading up to the suddenness.

888
01:08:02.000 --> 01:08:13.000
So you, the sudden is that are coming have had their long time coming, you know they've there's a whole process you've been through in it. And I think they're going to take you in some directions that you don't expect.

889
01:08:13.000 --> 01:08:26.000
So I think that you're a mover and a shaker. And I think that that is who you are and it's like, it's almost like wouldn't surprise me if you had a Gideon moment.

890
01:08:26.000 --> 01:08:31.000
You know, Gideon, you know, it's going to be called to be a judge.

891
01:08:32.000 --> 01:08:55.000
And he's like, I am Gabriel I stand before the throne of the Lord, and, and, and he gives still three fleeces and stuff and I had a man that I, I traveled with and.

892
01:08:55.000 --> 01:09:09.000
And he was my boss for a little while, and, and he believed that there was an angel, there's Gideon's angel, he would say, and I feel like, and he would tell us that whole thing and say I feel like Gideon's angels there is here.

893
01:09:09.000 --> 01:09:27.000
And he's wanting to for people to start to come into alignment with how they're seen in heaven. And that was the introduction, you know, in a way of how heavens perspective on us, and our earthly perspective are vastly different and we need to get on board with

894
01:09:28.000 --> 01:09:39.000
And it's almost like Graham cook I would almost say, in a way, we're known in heaven. Some of us even have different names in heaven that we do here on earth.

895
01:09:39.000 --> 01:10:00.000
We're known in heaven a particular way. And I feel like there is a part of that shroud is also even for yourself to see yourself in a way in which God sees you the day not align with your vocation or how you're seen by other people, including yourself, and that you're more

896
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.280
of a mover and a shaker than you imagine that you are. And I think that means that there's movement

897
01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:12.000
coming and that you have, you know, the power to shift environments and have a high impact,

898
01:10:12.560 --> 01:10:17.120
that you're, you know, there's the, they say we're not supposed to be thermostats.

899
01:10:17.920 --> 01:10:21.040
No, we're not supposed to be thermometers, we're supposed to be thermostats,

900
01:10:21.040 --> 01:10:28.880
that we set the temperature of things. But I believe that the main part of that that I

901
01:10:28.880 --> 01:10:34.480
underlined was the shaking part, that before the moving, there's a lot of shaking. And

902
01:10:34.480 --> 01:10:40.640
so when a plane is going and approaching a sound barrier, it starts vibrating terribly,

903
01:10:41.680 --> 01:10:45.840
shaking, they thought it was going to come apart. But as soon as the sound barrier breaks,

904
01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:51.440
it gets to be smooth as glass. And I feel that there's probably been a good amount of shaking

905
01:10:51.440 --> 01:10:57.440
that's going on in your life. And I feel that that shaking is leading forward to the breakthrough.

906
01:10:57.440 --> 01:11:03.600
My last name is Perez, well hers now also. Perez means breakthrough. You know, so God put

907
01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:10.000
breakthrough in my name, right? When Perez was born in the Bible, you probably know the story,

908
01:11:10.640 --> 01:11:17.200
Tamar, and you know, there were twins. And one sticks a leg out, they tie a red string around it,

909
01:11:17.200 --> 01:11:22.880
goes back out and the other one comes out first. And they say, look, he made a breach for himself.

910
01:11:23.440 --> 01:11:29.440
He made a way, he made him springing forth, breakthrough, you know, and so I feel there's

911
01:11:29.440 --> 01:11:34.560
some breakthrough and movement coming into your life. And that some of the shaking that's going

912
01:11:34.560 --> 01:11:38.800
on is the preparatory work leading up into that breakthrough.

913
01:11:39.760 --> 01:11:46.480
That's so good. Oh my gosh, yes, this has definitely been a season. That just confirms

914
01:11:46.480 --> 01:11:51.920
another word that I that I received some time ago. That's good. Thank you so much. And I'm

915
01:11:51.920 --> 01:11:55.360
so glad I asked. Thank you.

916
01:11:55.360 --> 01:11:58.880
Cool, cool. Anything else, sweetheart, or?

917
01:11:58.880 --> 01:12:04.960
I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if there's anything else that I

918
01:12:05.360 --> 01:12:06.640
Anything else, sweetheart, or?

919
01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:14.640
I don't think so. And I've got to jump on and on it on a teaching guest teaching in about five

920
01:12:14.640 --> 01:12:15.040
minutes.

921
01:12:15.040 --> 01:12:20.720
Oh, okay. Well, I want to pray quickly, then. So, Lord, we thank you for all that you've done.

922
01:12:20.720 --> 01:12:27.920
And I pray, Lord, you would bring give grace. And I pray for a quickening spirit for things.

923
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:33.440
And, you know, to be done in short time, that three months worth of growth in a month,

924
01:12:33.440 --> 01:12:39.680
that five years, that a years, five years growth in a year, you know, a day would be a week,

925
01:12:40.400 --> 01:12:44.240
that Lord that you would, and that you would bring great healing into her heart. I pray for

926
01:12:44.240 --> 01:12:49.840
capacity for her Lord, for any place that she's needed it that you would pour into every place

927
01:12:49.840 --> 01:12:54.800
that she was supposed to receive things that she didn't. And that you would give her grace,

928
01:12:54.800 --> 01:13:00.960
great grace, God, to walk through this next season, and into the place of healing with you.

929
01:13:00.960 --> 01:13:06.880
And I pray, Lord, that you would help her know the exact place, physically speaking,

930
01:13:06.880 --> 01:13:13.040
where at any day you're waiting for her to be able to spend time with her for these things to

931
01:13:13.040 --> 01:13:19.280
manifest. And I pray for a greater sensitivity on her part to be able to know and recognize

932
01:13:19.280 --> 01:13:25.840
your presence in the natural and Lord to be more attuned to your voice. And we bless you in Jesus

933
01:13:25.840 --> 01:13:27.440
name. Amen.

934
01:13:28.080 --> 01:13:31.600
Thank you. I appreciate you guys so much.

935
01:13:32.400 --> 01:13:39.200
You're welcome. It was good to spend time with you. And we, I will see you Sunday. Was it three

936
01:13:39.200 --> 01:13:42.080
o'clock that you had picked the time? Or was it a different time?

937
01:13:42.080 --> 01:13:46.080
I think it was Saturday. Sorry. Sorry.

938
01:13:47.200 --> 01:13:48.640
At 1111 am.

939
01:13:49.680 --> 01:13:54.400
Oh, really? Okay, man, I don't know how his way off. Okay, so Saturday at 11. All right.

940
01:13:54.800 --> 01:13:57.920
But if you see something different than I do, I think that's what I will. But

941
01:13:59.680 --> 01:14:04.320
I'm sure you're right. I think that zoom just messed it up when I moved it over.

942
01:14:04.320 --> 01:14:10.080
Because I grabbed the Saturday time moves that over. And so I'm going to go and recreate one

943
01:14:10.080 --> 01:14:14.480
for Saturday. So I did that so that you'd always that you'd already have the zoom link.

944
01:14:14.480 --> 01:14:18.960
Oh, my God. Appreciate that. Yes. I didn't think about that at all. So but you know,

945
01:14:18.960 --> 01:14:23.920
your stuff. Yeah, I'll put your news team zoom link for Saturday at 11.

946
01:14:23.920 --> 01:14:25.760
Okay, sounds good. Thank you, guys.