WEBVTT

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Hey everybody, just doing my journey sharing and I've been hesitating even coming on here

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to share just because I've had a slew of emotions and such.

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The beginning of this week I felt like, I guess there was one day where I felt like

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this is too easy, like this shouldn't be so easy, why is it so peaceful, why is it

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so good?

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I went from that and then the next day was kind of anxiety and then today I had a procedure

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done to see the change in the tumor that I have in my body and I got the results back

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and they aren't what I wanted.

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The tumor's actually grown and it's into a muscle layer that it was not previously in

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and I talked to my doctor next week, my surgeon, but normally they recommend chemo or radiation

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if it's in that muscle layer before they do surgery and that's kind of not in my plan.

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So I just have a lot of mixed emotions and just trying to put things in their rightful

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place and trying to keep perspective, especially while going through the rest intensive because

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this is a whole journey on its own.

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And so I read one of Ashley's posts today about choosing to believe God is who he says

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he is, even no matter the circumstances of your life.

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And so right now I feel like I'm trying to believe that and I'm like, well I just need

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to quit trying.

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Like I just feel like stuck, like I don't know what to do.

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I feel kind of paralyzed, like I don't know what to do with it all.

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So it just feels like a lot.

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So with all that being said, I don't really feel like I have a whole lot to share except

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that I just feel kind of stuck and not really sure how to work through it.

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And then I'm also like right now I'm just feeling this, just not wanting to burden anyone

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in the group with my own struggles.

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So wanting to hold back the pain and the hardship, but I'm kind of letting it out before

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I stop this.

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So I guess that's moving in a positive direction in some ways.

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So that's kind of where I'm at and I'm just going to leave it at that while I sit on this

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and yeah, it's just a lot to mull through.

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So all right, I'll talk to you guys tonight, bye bye.