WEBVTT

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Hey, everybody. It's time for a journey share, I suppose. It's been a while. I've had times

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that I felt like I wanted to come on here and do a journey share, but like, oh, I'll

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just do it later. I should go do it now, but I'll do it later. And I don't know what that's

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all about. I had some really good, I wouldn't say revelations this week, but just times

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of complete surrender and letting go. And I would get into anxiety and I was able to

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shift rather quickly and just trust God with the process and trust that he is my provider

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and my protector. And I was able to shift out of it easily, which is like unheard of

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for me. I mean, even like my husband will tell me that like literally sometimes it would

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take me weeks to shift out of anxiety and resistance. He would literally sit on the

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couch, like when I was going through postpartum issues with my son, he would literally sit

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on the couch and he would talk to me for hours and I wouldn't say a word. I was just

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like so overwhelmed. I didn't even know what to say. And so this is like literally a miracle.

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But there's a possibility that we might be moving. And so that has brought up a whole

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other slew of change, a possibility of change in our life. And we'd be moving closer to

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my family. All my family lives about two hours away, my three siblings and their families

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and my parents. And it would feel, I really believe it's kind of where God is leading

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us. The hard part is that my oldest is the only one that doesn't want to go. And so obviously

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he doesn't get to decide what's best for our family. But trying to navigate that in

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a way that's sensitive to him and his wants and needs and taking into consideration, you

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know, everything that he brings to the table. And so I do have a little fear about that.

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I don't want him to feel like he doesn't matter or his, his wants and desires don't matter.

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And I also want him to know that the Lord is leading us in a certain way and his way

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is always better and always best even if we can't see the outcome. So we're just kind

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of working through that. I also want to thank you guys for bearing with me. I feel like

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on the, when I, when I speak on the Q&A calls and the other calls, I feel like I have such

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a hard time articulating what I want to say. And I feel like I just like blab, like throw

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up all over. And then when I'm done, I'm like, did that make any sense whatsoever? But I'm

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also trying to come on without a preconceived notion of what I'm going to say. And maybe

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I do need to think through that, but then I'm like, well, maybe I need to think through

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that a little bit more and process, you know, what has this, what has happened in this week

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and what, how have I grown and where have the challenges been? Um, so there's been lots

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of good stuff and as well as some challenges with anxiety and overwhelm with, um, the possibility

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of moving and everything that comes with that while dealing with my own, um, health

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and healing from my surgery and, um, different alternative treatments that I'll be doing

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and if they'll be available in Helena. And, um, so there's just a lot of, a lot of stuff

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that would normally have me like off my rocker, maybe close to panic attack. And I'm here

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just trusting the Lord in it, which feels really freeing. And, um, I'm wanting to ask

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all these questions of the Lord. And, um, I feel like he just telling me to just trust

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him and that he'll work out all the details and I don't have to spend so much time thinking

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and worrying and pondering the details or trying to make them align and that he's going

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to have it figured out because he's the one that does the work. And so that's

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been freeing as well. What else the talk tonight with when I the Q&A tonight with

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Ashley was very helpful when she talked about just the relationship with my

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husband my own my challenges and I know the Lord has been growing me in that

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like these last I don't know how many years my husband has literally been

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begging me literally been begging me to let him lead and to trust him and it's

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been so hard because alright I grew up in a Christian Catholic kind of

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religious home and he grew up without any religion but he talked to God at an

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early age and he lives and rests probably the majority of his life so I

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have something to like learn from that and it just makes me laugh it's like

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okay Lord what do you want me to what do you want me to learn here and I think I

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really needed to learn to everything I've learned in the rest intensive about

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the Lord being my provider and my protector and my sustainer and the one

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who who does the work for me like I'm literally I feel like I'm literally

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living in that and I believe it and now this is like a whole other level of

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living the same way towards my husband and letting him lead trusting him as a

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protector of me as the provider of our family and he's proven himself in so

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many ways that he is the protector that he is a provider that he will do anything

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to help me to help bring me to freedom he would quit a job he's taken four

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months leave of absence from his job a high-paying job and just willing to

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sacrifice so much and just doing all the things at home constantly asking if

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I need anything and when I'm speaking that it just makes me like laugh like if

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he's gonna do all that why wouldn't he do all the other things and and actually

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just talking about him just needing me to love him where he's at and that

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brought me to kind of the relationship with my children that has kind of

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changed over time that I used to want to have control over things you know even

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what they wear not like massive control but like I'd have opinions on what

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they're wearing and and now it's like I want to know what they like I want to

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get to know them more and what they like like my son normally my boys aren't

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really aren't really picky well my oldest is kind of now but even the

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example of he needs some new pants and it's easier for me if I just go to the

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store and get them but I'm like you know what I think he would enjoy getting them

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and picking out something that he likes and then I get to see what he likes and

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that was really fun for me because it surprised me and I got to learn

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something about him that I didn't I wouldn't have been able to learn about

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him and it made me think about my relationship with my husband that if I

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just let him love me and do life the way he feels called to do life then I get to

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learn a lot about him and I and that's fun it's not there's no pressure to

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control him or to have things look a certain way and even like the way he

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parents the children the kids he's definitely he's definitely come

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alongside me in changing our parenting style and although I'm constantly like

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looking for not knowledge but well I guess it is probably knowledge ways to

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just interact with them differently and he's not so it's like I expect him I

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want him to want to look for ways to be a better parent but that's just not him

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he just doesn't look like that so I guess just get to look come alongside

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him and learn how he's feeling

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called to parent them and maybe learn something from him in the process and to

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me that's what to me when I think about that I'm like that's what love is like

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falling in love with the person that you married not someone that you think they

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should be and it just shows me how much probably control and pressure that I've

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put on him that I know he's felt and I feel like I have a way out now I have a

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way out from I have a way out from the control and just seeing him in a

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different light so I know that question didn't apply to the majority of people

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in the group so I thank you ladies for bearing with me hopefully you guys

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maybe learned a thing or two but it really helped me so I love your I love

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your shares ladies and I know that these shares really helped me and even though

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I don't do as much as I I don't like to say should but really I should because

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they benefit me so I love you guys and I will talk to you later bye-bye