WEBVTT

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Hey everyone, this will be a quick journey share, but tonight after the rest intensive,

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I was just feeling kind of overwhelmed.

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We're getting ready to move and I don't yet have a surgery date scheduled for my, the

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reversal of my ileostomy and Christmas is coming up and so there's just a lot going

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on and kind of unexpectedly and so I've been feeling overwhelmed in the last three days.

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I've been doing a lot.

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I felt good like I could do those things, but I've also wanted to like just sit and

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rest and I wanted to sleep in and I wanted to just not do and so although I felt good,

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I'm trying to like figure out I feel good, but am I in rest doing these things when I

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kind of would rather just be sitting and chilling or not thinking about the million things that

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I have to do.

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So that's something I'm kind of working through, but tonight I noticed myself starting to spin

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and spiral downward and what that looks like for me is that I start to basically place

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blame on other people for not doing enough because I have to do it if that makes sense.

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It's something that I really don't like about me.

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Even for example, after the call I came down and my son was on the computer and screen

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time is something that I just like cringe at for my children and so they've set their

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own limits and they write down their screen time and they keep track of it and they only

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have a certain amount of time a week that they do it, but since I was tired and there

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was still a lot to do to finish the night, I was kind of feeling resentful and I showed

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that resentment I think towards him and then I feel like I found, I was starting to find

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everything wrong with everything, starting to like think that they have too much screen

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time and they're not helping out enough and even they do help out and they have chores

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they do every day and so I was just kind of starting to spiral like everything is wrong

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in the world and as I was coming up to bed I was just thinking like it's, I was having

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this like I was wanting to spiral because it's what I know, but my spirit was telling

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me oh you don't have to go there, like you don't have to and it was almost like permission

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to step out of that place and like just telling me, like encouraging me to just step out of

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it, like I could just choose out of that and so I chose out of it and I chose out of it

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by going and apologizing to my son and that my stuff, my reaction towards him was not

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of his anything he had done but because I had probably overworked myself the last couple

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days and so I was feeling tired and for some reason I wanted to place blame on other people

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for my tiredness and that wasn't okay and me and my husband because he knows my cycle

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or whatever you call it, we laughed about it and were honest, I was honest about okay

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I feel myself spiraling but I don't have to go there and so I can trust the Lord today

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in this moment and there's, I don't have to do the things I, my physical body and my soul

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thinks I need to do, I can rest and I can trust the Lord to do whatever work he's going

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to do and things might not be perfect and that's going to be okay.

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So that just feels really good, just to be able to step out, I feel like I'm able, I

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was able to step out of the old man and choose the new man and that just feels really good

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so I just wanted to share, alright, bye bye, bye bye ladies.