WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.000 Hey. 2 00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.000 Hey. 3 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:03.000 You sure this works for you? 4 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:04.000 Oh yeah. 5 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:05.000 Yeah, this is great. 6 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:06.000 As long as you don't mind me not always looking at you. 7 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:07.000 No. 8 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:08.000 No, that's totally fine. 9 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:09.000 No, that's fine. 10 00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:10.000 So, how's it going? 11 00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:11.000 How's the new mom of two? 12 00:00:11.000 --> 00:00:12.000 You look great. 13 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Oh, thank you. 14 00:00:13.000 --> 00:00:14.000 But it has been rough. 15 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:15.000 Oh, my word. 16 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:16.000 Oh. 17 00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:17.000 Oh. 18 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:18.000 Oh. 19 00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:19.000 Oh. 20 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:20.000 Oh. 21 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:21.000 Oh. 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Oh. 208 00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:38.960 Oh. 209 00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:39.960 Oh. 210 00:03:39.960 --> 00:03:40.960 Oh. 211 00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:41.960 Oh. 212 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:42.960 Oh. 213 00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:43.960 Oh. 214 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:44.960 Oh. 215 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:45.960 Oh. 216 00:03:45.960 --> 00:03:46.960 Oh. 217 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:47.960 Oh. 218 00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:48.960 Oh. 219 00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:49.960 Oh. 220 00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:50.960 Oh. 221 00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:51.960 Oh. 222 00:03:51.960 --> 00:03:52.960 Oh. 223 00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:53.960 Oh. 224 00:03:53.960 --> 00:03:54.960 Oh. 225 00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:55.960 Oh. 226 00:03:55.960 --> 00:03:56.960 Oh. 227 00:03:56.960 --> 00:03:57.960 Oh. 228 00:03:57.960 --> 00:03:58.960 Oh. 229 00:03:58.960 --> 00:03:59.960 Oh. 230 00:03:59.960 --> 00:04:00.960 Oh. 231 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:01.960 Oh. 232 00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:04.960 Oh. 233 00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:05.960 Oh. 234 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--> 00:04:35.960 Oh. 261 00:04:35.960 --> 00:04:36.960 Oh. 262 00:04:36.960 --> 00:04:37.960 Oh. 263 00:04:37.960 --> 00:04:38.960 Oh. 264 00:04:38.960 --> 00:04:39.960 Oh. 265 00:04:39.960 --> 00:04:40.960 Oh. 266 00:04:40.960 --> 00:04:41.960 Oh. 267 00:04:41.960 --> 00:04:42.960 Oh. 268 00:04:42.960 --> 00:04:43.960 Oh. 269 00:04:43.960 --> 00:04:44.960 Oh. 270 00:04:44.960 --> 00:04:45.960 Oh. 271 00:04:45.960 --> 00:04:46.960 Oh. 272 00:04:46.960 --> 00:04:47.960 Oh. 273 00:04:47.960 --> 00:04:48.960 All right. 274 00:04:48.960 --> 00:04:57.960 So that was my big break. 275 00:04:57.960 --> 00:04:58.960 Whatever that was for. 276 00:04:58.960 --> 00:04:59.960 That was the preview. 277 00:04:59.960 --> 00:04:59.960 278 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:11.960 Oh my, I just, I don't know, it kind of started like the week leading up to birth or like 279 00:05:11.960 --> 00:05:14.680 pretty much right after Nick was born. 280 00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:16.220 You started what? 281 00:05:16.220 --> 00:05:24.160 I started feeling, I don't know, like this extreme distance from the Lord and like all 282 00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:29.780 of a sudden like I had no idea what I was doing and it was just like everything was 283 00:05:29.780 --> 00:05:39.520 completely new and different and difficult and there was so much unrest inside of me 284 00:05:39.520 --> 00:05:46.340 and I just felt like no matter where I was or in what state of mind I was or whatever 285 00:05:46.340 --> 00:05:53.240 I was, you know, going through or thinking about, it was just the same thing. 286 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:58.680 It was like I had talked to you about, I think it was last week, that I know that it's not, 287 00:05:58.680 --> 00:06:03.520 I don't know how to get out of it because I know that it's not about doing more but 288 00:06:03.520 --> 00:06:10.440 yet I don't know how to move forward and I don't know, I told Josh tonight, like I know, 289 00:06:10.440 --> 00:06:13.680 I said I just honestly feel like I don't know what God wants out of me right now during 290 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:14.680 this time. 291 00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:18.280 I was like, I know that that's not how it's supposed to be thinking but that's how I feel 292 00:06:18.280 --> 00:06:24.640 and I feel like extremely vulnerable and stripped down to the bone and he just turned 293 00:06:24.640 --> 00:06:31.840 up the heat and I just feel very forsaken and I just really thought that he was going 294 00:06:31.840 --> 00:06:39.360 to show up postpartum and that postpartum wouldn't be easy and not as traumatic as with 295 00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:46.280 Eric and it has been so hard and Nick just screams during the night and I feel like I'm 296 00:06:46.280 --> 00:06:55.720 ready to lose my sanity and I just feel like, I feel like I was so sure that God was going 297 00:06:55.720 --> 00:06:56.720 to show up for me. 298 00:06:56.720 --> 00:07:02.360 I was so sure and I was, I mean there wasn't even a doubt in my mind that it was going 299 00:07:02.360 --> 00:07:05.400 to be easy and that everything was going to be great and God and I were just going to 300 00:07:05.400 --> 00:07:11.880 keep on flowing and then all of a sudden it was like, whoa, what in the world happened? 301 00:07:11.880 --> 00:07:16.080 And I feel like the carpet has just been pulled out from under my feet and I have no idea 302 00:07:16.080 --> 00:07:25.440 what is going on or what to believe anymore and I just feel like, I feel like the closer 303 00:07:25.440 --> 00:07:30.360 I get to God, the further away he moves. 304 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:43.200 Yeah, so first of all, what's really important is remember what we always go back to and 305 00:07:43.200 --> 00:07:50.600 that is that there is therefore no condemnation, that don't get onto yourself for how it is 306 00:07:50.600 --> 00:07:57.080 that you're feeling as if like, well, I shouldn't be feeling this way or something like that. 307 00:07:57.080 --> 00:08:04.880 So just understand that God knew you would come here, God knew that this is where you 308 00:08:04.880 --> 00:08:16.680 would be and where you are is not in a condemned place as if you are in this bad place that 309 00:08:16.680 --> 00:08:19.840 God is displeased with or anything like that. 310 00:08:19.840 --> 00:08:24.280 That's very important because it's important in order for us to be able to move somewhere 311 00:08:24.280 --> 00:08:32.080 where God wants us to, where God desires us to understand the freedom that we have, sorry, 312 00:08:32.080 --> 00:08:36.440 in order to operate in the freedom that we have, we have to understand that wherever 313 00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:41.320 it is that we are, we're already free and we have to choose it. 314 00:08:41.320 --> 00:08:46.880 So we have to choose that we're not under, even if we feel it, I understand, I'm talking 315 00:08:46.880 --> 00:08:50.000 about what the truth is and that we have to just choose it. 316 00:08:50.000 --> 00:09:00.240 The fact that we're not in, we don't have an oppressive weight bearing down on us that 317 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:06.600 is legitimate and that we deserve and that we can't figure out how to get out from under 318 00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:07.600 it. 319 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:10.600 It's, it doesn't actually exist. 320 00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:17.360 We feel that it does, but I'm just, I'm just saying as an encouragement, it doesn't exist 321 00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:22.760 in the fact that God says, no, where it is that you are, no matter where it is, no matter 322 00:09:22.760 --> 00:09:27.000 how it is that you're feeling, you are free. 323 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:32.640 The only reason we don't feel like it is because we're not operating in it, but just 324 00:09:32.640 --> 00:09:37.560 because we're not operating in it, doesn't change who it is that we are. 325 00:09:37.560 --> 00:09:38.840 We still are the thing. 326 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:43.640 So kind of like a, like a, I don't know, a dog, I mean, if you put a dog in a car, it's 327 00:09:43.640 --> 00:09:44.640 still a dog. 328 00:09:44.640 --> 00:09:46.240 If you had a dog in the forest, it's still a dog. 329 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:50.640 I mean, wherever you put the dog and no matter how the dog feels, the dog could feel like 330 00:09:50.640 --> 00:09:52.240 a kitty cat if it wanted to. 331 00:09:52.240 --> 00:09:58.080 It doesn't change what the dog actually is, you know, how the dog feels doesn't change 332 00:09:58.080 --> 00:09:59.600 how the dog is, et cetera. 333 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:11.120 So we can know that whatever it is that we're feeling isn't actually meaning like an oppression 334 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:16.640 or something like that. That there's this bearing weight that's down on us, 335 00:10:16.640 --> 00:10:23.440 that's coming against us like either it's Satan or it's God or it's whatever. That that isn't 336 00:10:23.440 --> 00:10:29.760 true. There is nothing that is being required of you is basically what I'm trying to say. 337 00:10:29.760 --> 00:10:36.560 There's no obligation that God is holding you to. That's why, you know, there is for no shame, 338 00:10:36.560 --> 00:10:41.040 no condemnation. There is therefore now no obligation, which is what I say. It's not 339 00:10:41.040 --> 00:10:48.000 in scripture, but it's what I'm saying. It's what I like to say. And I mean, it is in scripture, 340 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:52.160 and I'm saying it's not phrased like that, that there is therefore now no obligation. 341 00:10:52.160 --> 00:10:58.240 So the thing is that that weight, that feeling of like there's something upon me, 342 00:10:58.800 --> 00:11:07.920 you don't have to bear it. You can choose to believe that it's actually not 343 00:11:08.640 --> 00:11:15.360 true. You're not under any obligation to carry something that's there. Then, you know, 344 00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:21.440 as far as like what it is that you need to do or anything, again, God doesn't hold you to any 345 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:27.040 obligation. There's nothing that he wants you to be doing right now. You're in the middle 346 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:35.440 of, you know, taking care of your babies. You're in the middle of trying to take care of yourself 347 00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:44.000 and trying to learn how to navigate kind of a new, navigate life in any way, because you now 348 00:11:44.000 --> 00:11:51.760 have this new little, you know, new person that is suddenly like taking over, kind of like, 349 00:11:51.760 --> 00:11:55.920 you know, everybody else's schedule is kind of revolving around this, you know, the baby and 350 00:11:55.920 --> 00:12:00.480 what the baby needs at the moment and all of that. And you're just trying to negotiate. So 351 00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:07.360 don't think that God's like, okay, well, the schedule and the way that life was before is 352 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:12.880 the right way. And the way it's going now is not the right way. And Carrie, I'm holding you 353 00:12:12.880 --> 00:12:18.080 responsible for getting it back to what it should be. And that's not what's going on at all. 354 00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:24.240 He wants you to know that no, you're just in whatever it is that you're in, 355 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:30.240 and everything's happening the way that it's happening. And it's all okay. It's not like it 356 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:35.680 shouldn't be this way. And it should be a different way. So you just rest in your spirit, 357 00:12:35.680 --> 00:12:41.600 knowing that God doesn't hold you obligated to do or be or accomplish 358 00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:48.080 anything. Even in regards to him, 359 00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:58.560 he just wants, remember, he doesn't want us to turn away from him and abandon him 360 00:12:58.560 --> 00:13:04.720 in a struggle. He wants us to allow him to be a part of it. Even if we're struggling against him, 361 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:11.600 he just wants to keep our face turned towards him and to be there while we're struggling. 362 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:18.000 If I'm mad at you right now, God's like, no, if you're mad at me, be mad at me, not 363 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:28.800 mad, turn away from me, if that makes sense. So there's no obligation, nothing, 364 00:13:28.800 --> 00:13:35.440 no, nothing that you have to try to be just, just kind of ride through what it is that you're 365 00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:40.960 going through by releasing, letting all this sense of entitlement that it shouldn't be 366 00:13:41.760 --> 00:13:48.400 the way that it is, whether it's spiritually, emotionally, you know, your hormones with the 367 00:13:48.400 --> 00:13:56.400 baby with how Nick's responding, you know, whatever it or I don't know how hopefully 368 00:13:56.400 --> 00:14:00.720 family's being very supportive and the family weren't or good friends weren't supportive that, 369 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:03.920 oh my word, well, it shouldn't be like this and it should be different because God wants there to 370 00:14:03.920 --> 00:14:10.880 always be peace. Just, just let go of this requirement over yourself that it should be 371 00:14:10.880 --> 00:14:17.040 different than what it is. And because God has grace for it and God wants to show you and God 372 00:14:17.040 --> 00:14:22.960 can more easily move you if you're not as rigid. If you're just like, okay, you know, like I'm 373 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:29.360 relaxed now, Lord, I'm patting your hands. Now, now you're free to move with the spirit when the 374 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:35.520 spirit pushes and pulls and whatever. And then you just flow with it. You don't have to accomplish 375 00:14:35.520 --> 00:14:41.760 something. So what, what are your, I've been talking for a while. What are your thoughts so 376 00:14:41.760 --> 00:14:51.680 far? Is that understandable? No, it makes sense. Yeah. I just feel really cut off, like 377 00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:59.280 with my spirit, like that's one thing. I just feel like I can't get to it and I feel. 378 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.860 I just don't. 379 00:15:03.860 --> 00:15:04.860 Can you still hear me? 380 00:15:04.860 --> 00:15:05.860 You're frozen. 381 00:15:05.860 --> 00:15:06.860 Are you still there? 382 00:15:06.860 --> 00:15:07.860 Yes. 383 00:15:07.860 --> 00:15:08.860 Yeah. 384 00:15:08.860 --> 00:15:14.280 You froze just a second too, but yeah, I could still hear you. 385 00:15:14.280 --> 00:15:20.300 The basis of my desire is to have the peace inside of my heart no matter what I'm going 386 00:15:20.300 --> 00:15:29.580 through and to know, to still be able to connect with the Lord spiritually through my spirit. 387 00:15:29.580 --> 00:15:31.540 And I don't feel that at all. 388 00:15:31.540 --> 00:15:36.420 I don't feel the openness or the access to my spirit whatsoever. 389 00:15:36.420 --> 00:15:38.300 And that's what I can't... 390 00:15:38.300 --> 00:15:39.300 That's what concerns me. 391 00:15:39.300 --> 00:15:46.700 And maybe do I need to just release that too and be okay with not feeling spiritually... 392 00:15:46.700 --> 00:15:50.300 I'm not saying spiritually as in my relationship with the Lord, but as far... 393 00:15:50.300 --> 00:15:59.000 Well, in a sense, yes, but most of all, the spirit of who I am and even my intuition and 394 00:15:59.000 --> 00:16:04.240 everything, like sensing things, it just all feels like I pushed that out right along 395 00:16:04.240 --> 00:16:06.520 with the baby. 396 00:16:06.520 --> 00:16:09.560 But I just feel like there's nothing there. 397 00:16:09.560 --> 00:16:12.360 Can you hear me? 398 00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:13.360 I can now. 399 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:14.360 Okay. 400 00:16:14.360 --> 00:16:15.360 Were you able to hear what I was saying? 401 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:16.360 Okay. 402 00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:17.360 I heard you... 403 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:18.360 Oh, shoot. 404 00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:22.320 I'm trying to remember what part you were up to. 405 00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:28.760 You said, oh, you were asking, is it okay or am I just supposed to release the fact 406 00:16:28.760 --> 00:16:35.640 that I don't feel that I can feel or hear or be connected to God right now? 407 00:16:35.640 --> 00:16:36.640 Is that what I need to release? 408 00:16:36.640 --> 00:16:38.640 That's the last thing I heard. 409 00:16:38.640 --> 00:16:39.640 Okay. 410 00:16:39.640 --> 00:16:40.640 Yeah. 411 00:16:40.640 --> 00:16:45.360 And I mean, in general, it's just that I feel like the spirit of who I am, like the spiritual 412 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:50.880 being in me just shriveled up and died. 413 00:16:50.880 --> 00:16:58.080 Not even necessarily in specific regards to connecting with God specifically, but even 414 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:06.359 as far as sensing things about situations or being able to have a certain peace or sense 415 00:17:06.359 --> 00:17:12.359 about things, even that is completely gone. 416 00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:13.359 It's freezing up again. 417 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:14.359 There you go. 418 00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:15.359 Okay. 419 00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:16.359 I'm sorry about that. 420 00:17:16.359 --> 00:17:17.359 No, that's okay. 421 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:34.840 I think I'm trying to figure out if I'm like going through now. 422 00:17:34.840 --> 00:17:52.440 I mean, if we need to switch that, so you just, you just let me know, can you hear me? 423 00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:54.200 I can now. 424 00:17:54.200 --> 00:17:55.200 I can't see you. 425 00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:56.200 Oh, but that's okay. 426 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:57.200 Okay. 427 00:17:57.200 --> 00:17:58.200 Now, now I can. 428 00:17:58.200 --> 00:17:59.200 Yeah. 429 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:00.200 I think, yeah, you're going in and out too. 430 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:08.680 So I think that we're, whatever it's doing on my end, it's doing on your end again, because 431 00:18:08.680 --> 00:18:09.680 of the internet. 432 00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:15.760 So all I was saying was that if we, if we need to, I think we're past this mountain, 433 00:18:15.760 --> 00:18:20.520 so hopefully we're a little bit, but if we need to switch over to the phone, you just 434 00:18:20.520 --> 00:18:21.520 let me know. 435 00:18:21.520 --> 00:18:22.520 We can just not report it. 436 00:18:22.520 --> 00:18:23.520 Okay. 437 00:18:23.520 --> 00:18:27.040 So you were saying that, that, that the spiritual part of you, you felt like shriveled up and 438 00:18:27.040 --> 00:18:29.160 died and that's the last thing. 439 00:18:29.160 --> 00:18:30.160 Yeah. 440 00:18:31.120 --> 00:18:36.080 So I feel like even not just necessarily as specifically in, in regards to my relationship 441 00:18:36.080 --> 00:18:41.480 with the Lord, like as a being, but even as far as like my intuition or senses about things 442 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:45.760 or, you know, discerning things or like having peace about certain situations, like there's 443 00:18:45.760 --> 00:18:48.760 just nothing there anymore at all. 444 00:18:48.760 --> 00:18:49.760 Yeah. 445 00:18:49.760 --> 00:18:50.760 Yeah. 446 00:18:50.760 --> 00:18:57.200 So, um, and let me know if you, if you can, um, can you still hear me? 447 00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:58.200 Yeah. 448 00:18:58.200 --> 00:18:59.200 I can still hear you. 449 00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:00.240 Okay. 450 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:01.240 All right. 451 00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:06.680 Um, uh, yeah, so that, yeah, just releasing that as well. 452 00:19:06.680 --> 00:19:11.120 Just releasing that and then trusting and then, and then relying on, on the Lord and 453 00:19:11.120 --> 00:19:15.080 what it is that you know of him and just constantly telling the Lord, Hey Lord, this is who you 454 00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:16.080 are. 455 00:19:16.080 --> 00:19:22.080 I am redeclaring to you who you say that you are and, and then just, and then continue 456 00:19:22.080 --> 00:19:24.440 to choose that that's true. 457 00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:29.240 Even if you don't feel it in your spirit because, or, you know, you feel you're, you 458 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:31.960 don't, you're, you're struggling to feel your spirit right now. 459 00:19:31.960 --> 00:19:34.040 You're in all of that. 460 00:19:34.040 --> 00:19:35.040 Don't yeah. 461 00:19:35.040 --> 00:19:42.120 Just release that as well, because remember that just like we can't trust our, uh, just 462 00:19:42.120 --> 00:19:48.120 like we're not supposed to look at what it is that we see and feel in the physical world 463 00:19:48.280 --> 00:19:50.240 in order to tell us the truth. 464 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:59.120 We also can't rely on, uh, on, uh, we, how would I put this? 465 00:19:59.120 --> 00:20:00.000 We also can't. 466 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:14.800 can't base our commitment and our, what's the word that I'm looking for, that just our 467 00:20:14.800 --> 00:20:19.320 continued calling on who it is that God is. 468 00:20:19.320 --> 00:20:27.440 We can't base that on how it is that we even, whether or not we feel that we can feel it 469 00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:28.440 in our spirit. 470 00:20:28.760 --> 00:20:35.000 There are a lot of people that are not as discerning as you are in feeling their spirit, 471 00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:36.920 and they still have to trust the Lord. 472 00:20:36.920 --> 00:20:42.080 I've been through what you're going through many times, and it's hard, and it's scary, 473 00:20:42.080 --> 00:20:48.920 and it's frustrating, and you just feel isolated from the Lord, so you have to choose that 474 00:20:48.920 --> 00:20:55.960 when basically it's like flying blind in a way that you are not used to flying blind. 475 00:20:55.960 --> 00:21:01.200 You're used to flying blind in other areas, and you've learned to trust the Lord in those. 476 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:04.160 Now God's like, okay, now fly blind in this area. 477 00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:06.720 Now what are you going to do? 478 00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:08.520 Now how are you going to interact with me? 479 00:21:08.520 --> 00:21:15.920 And all you have to do is just release and know that, and I'm not saying that God is 480 00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:18.480 trying to throw a mean curve ball. 481 00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:25.920 I'm just saying that when these things happen, he's just like, hey, I want you to, I want 482 00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:36.320 you to understand you are free to such an extent that you are not bound by how it is 483 00:21:36.320 --> 00:21:46.160 that you feel and what it is that you are discerning or not discerning in the spirit. 484 00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:52.080 He's saying, Carrie, I'm much more solid than that. 485 00:21:52.080 --> 00:22:02.760 I'm much more stall worthy than that and anchored than that, and to just trust on him 486 00:22:02.760 --> 00:22:07.760 as opposed to how it is that we feel or even our spiritual discernment. 487 00:22:07.760 --> 00:22:16.200 Yes, our spiritual discernment is a tremendous gift, but we have to be more stable. 488 00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:17.200 That's the word I'm looking for. 489 00:22:17.360 --> 00:22:26.400 We have to be more stable than to be thwarted and kind of knocked about in the wind by how 490 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:31.840 it is, by the fact that we can't feel or discern something right now. 491 00:22:31.840 --> 00:22:37.160 So we just go back to what it is that we know and what God has declared, and he'll count 492 00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:42.960 it to us as righteousness, that we believe him to that extent, and even if we don't believe 493 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:46.000 it, that we're choosing him to that extent. 494 00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:49.200 Sorry, let me make sure that I am still on the right. 495 00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.280 Yeah, that's okay. 496 00:22:51.280 --> 00:22:52.320 I am glad. 497 00:22:52.320 --> 00:22:54.240 Yeah, I am glad that I checked because- 498 00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:55.040 Oh dear. 499 00:22:55.040 --> 00:22:58.560 I'm literally right now, and here I go. 500 00:22:59.120 --> 00:23:01.040 That was perfect timing. 501 00:23:01.040 --> 00:23:02.720 The Lord knew. 502 00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:03.600 The Lord knew. 503 00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:08.800 So, okay. 504 00:23:09.360 --> 00:23:10.080 But there we go. 505 00:23:11.520 --> 00:23:15.040 My purse kind of flew in the floorboard. 506 00:23:15.040 --> 00:23:15.540 Okay. 507 00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:17.040 Now, let me make sure. 508 00:23:17.040 --> 00:23:17.920 Oh, no, I'm all good. 509 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:20.240 Now, where does it want me to go? 510 00:23:21.120 --> 00:23:23.200 Okay, I think I'm going to have to keep this up for a bit. 511 00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:24.240 So I'm not going to be able to look at you. 512 00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:24.800 Can you see me? 513 00:23:24.800 --> 00:23:25.520 No, that's fine. 514 00:23:25.520 --> 00:23:26.240 Yeah. 515 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:27.520 I can't see you, but that's okay. 516 00:23:27.520 --> 00:23:28.400 I can hear you. 517 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:28.800 So- 518 00:23:28.800 --> 00:23:29.120 Okay. 519 00:23:29.120 --> 00:23:29.760 All right, good. 520 00:23:29.760 --> 00:23:33.280 Sorry, I'm going to have to keep this on for a second because I'm in the middle of the town, 521 00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:39.040 and it's telling me it's going to make me stop at a few little lights here. 522 00:23:39.040 --> 00:23:42.320 Oh, in fact, I think I'm going to have to keep it on permanently. 523 00:23:42.320 --> 00:23:42.820 Yeah. 524 00:23:42.900 --> 00:23:51.220 So, I know that what I'm saying isn't, you know, the answer that we'd want to hear, 525 00:23:51.220 --> 00:23:57.540 but at least it, but the thing is, remember what all of this is about. 526 00:23:58.180 --> 00:24:04.180 It's not about, oh, you know, strengthen your muscles and do this and do that. 527 00:24:04.180 --> 00:24:11.620 And it's, God wants us to, is always moving us into greater measures of love and freedom. 528 00:24:11.620 --> 00:24:12.740 That's what this is. 529 00:24:12.740 --> 00:24:16.900 I know it doesn't feel like it, but the reason that it doesn't feel like it is, 530 00:24:16.900 --> 00:24:22.260 that is the extent and the degree to which we are dependent on something else other than him, 531 00:24:22.260 --> 00:24:23.860 and we're enslaved. 532 00:24:23.860 --> 00:24:28.580 And the releasing of ourselves from slavery into freedom feels this awful. 533 00:24:29.220 --> 00:24:35.700 So, you know, when the Egyptian, when the Israelites were taken out of Egypt, 534 00:24:35.700 --> 00:24:39.620 all of that was very difficult, especially when they got to the Red Sea. 535 00:24:39.620 --> 00:24:40.660 So, yes, they came. 536 00:24:40.660 --> 00:24:41.620 It seems so easy. 537 00:24:41.620 --> 00:24:42.180 Oh, my word. 538 00:24:42.180 --> 00:24:46.740 All we have to do is leave because, and then they, oh, my word, they gave us all of their jewels 539 00:24:46.740 --> 00:24:50.900 and all of their, you know, all their gold and their silver, and they loaded us down 540 00:24:50.900 --> 00:24:54.820 and they spoiled Egypt, you know, which is what, you know, it's called, you know, 541 00:24:54.820 --> 00:24:56.180 where you're like, take everything. 542 00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:57.220 They spoiled Egypt. 543 00:24:57.220 --> 00:24:59.620 And then, and then they went to the Red Sea. 544 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.880 All of a sudden, the Israelites are like, 545 00:25:01.880 --> 00:25:05.320 oh my word, you've led us out to the desert to die. 546 00:25:05.320 --> 00:25:09.860 And God is about to say, no, no, no, I've made a way. 547 00:25:09.860 --> 00:25:12.240 I've made a way, but at the time, 548 00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:14.160 it looked like it was impossible. 549 00:25:15.280 --> 00:25:18.000 Because at the time, they'd never seen 550 00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:19.240 a parting of the Red Sea. 551 00:25:19.240 --> 00:25:20.720 They'd never heard of anything like that. 552 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:25.720 See, we are what, four or 5,000 years, 6,000 years later. 553 00:25:26.760 --> 00:25:29.720 So for us, we're like, oh yeah, we've heard of, 554 00:25:29.760 --> 00:25:32.560 water parting, they had never heard of it before. 555 00:25:32.560 --> 00:25:34.280 And so the thought never ever crossed their minds 556 00:25:34.280 --> 00:25:35.880 that that was a possibility. 557 00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:39.120 So, I mean, the coming out of slavery 558 00:25:39.120 --> 00:25:43.800 and walking into freedom looks, feels, feels awful, 559 00:25:43.800 --> 00:25:46.160 but God was like, hey, no, no, no, you don't like, 560 00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:51.000 in slavery, where Egypt would give you all of these melons 561 00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:52.520 and they would give you all of this stuff 562 00:25:52.520 --> 00:25:54.720 or whatever it is that the Israelites claimed 563 00:25:54.720 --> 00:25:58.760 that they had in Egypt, He's like, I give you, 564 00:25:58.760 --> 00:26:01.480 I give you manna that you don't have to work for. 565 00:26:01.480 --> 00:26:03.200 You know, you just have to, you know, 566 00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:05.800 you just operate as my people and you, 567 00:26:05.800 --> 00:26:07.480 and you travel towards the promised land 568 00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:08.320 with all of this hope. 569 00:26:08.320 --> 00:26:10.000 And then I will bring manna in the morning. 570 00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.600 I will bring quail in the evening 571 00:26:12.600 --> 00:26:15.360 and I will bring water from a rock, et cetera. 572 00:26:15.360 --> 00:26:18.680 And He's like, I will provide for you. 573 00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:21.240 And I want you to know that you don't have to do 574 00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:22.840 all of this hard work anymore. 575 00:26:22.840 --> 00:26:25.400 You've been working for 450 years. 576 00:26:25.400 --> 00:26:26.880 Like, I want you to know that I, 577 00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:30.240 now you can now choose that I will be your provision. 578 00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:33.720 And so, but, and it all sounds great 579 00:26:33.720 --> 00:26:35.920 until we walk it all out and we realize, 580 00:26:35.920 --> 00:26:40.920 oh my God, I didn't realize that the security 581 00:26:42.840 --> 00:26:46.160 that I got in living life the other way 582 00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:48.680 until now I've walked away from it 583 00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:51.240 and now I can't live it like that anymore. 584 00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:54.600 And we don't realize that we were enslaved 585 00:26:54.600 --> 00:26:58.920 because it felt, you know, we're just not, 586 00:26:58.920 --> 00:27:01.720 we have a very skewed understanding of freedom 587 00:27:01.720 --> 00:27:04.280 until we finally get the breakthrough 588 00:27:04.280 --> 00:27:05.360 acceptance of freedom. 589 00:27:05.360 --> 00:27:07.600 And all of a sudden we're like, oh my word, 590 00:27:07.600 --> 00:27:10.760 I didn't know life was possible feeling this free. 591 00:27:11.760 --> 00:27:15.400 So I just wanted to encourage you that what's going on 592 00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:18.520 isn't God and like, well, you know, 593 00:27:18.520 --> 00:27:21.000 gotta teach you a lesson and gotta strengthen you 594 00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:22.960 and let's see how close, 595 00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:25.320 let's see how hard I can stretch you, Carrie. 596 00:27:25.320 --> 00:27:27.400 And let's see how much fire you can stand 597 00:27:27.400 --> 00:27:30.320 before you scream and ask me to pull you out. 598 00:27:30.320 --> 00:27:31.760 That's not what's going on. 599 00:27:31.760 --> 00:27:34.240 God's like, no, I want you to know 600 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:37.400 that you were, you're gaining freedom. 601 00:27:37.400 --> 00:27:39.000 You already are freedom. 602 00:27:39.000 --> 00:27:40.240 So I'm bringing into free. 603 00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:41.440 And so I'm bringing you to the place 604 00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:42.760 where to prove to you. 605 00:27:42.760 --> 00:27:45.240 So it's no longer theory, but it's reality that, 606 00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:48.840 oh, I really am free because I'm now in the place 607 00:27:48.840 --> 00:27:53.440 that I thought would prove that I was, you know, 608 00:27:53.440 --> 00:27:57.680 subject to death and God, no, see, we're here. 609 00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.920 And I'm telling you and I'm proving to you, 610 00:27:59.920 --> 00:28:01.960 I'm here and you actually are free. 611 00:28:01.960 --> 00:28:06.960 No obligation, no condemnation, you know, 612 00:28:07.080 --> 00:28:09.000 and then I'm here with you. 613 00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:10.320 I'm providing for you. 614 00:28:10.320 --> 00:28:12.560 I'm sustaining you. 615 00:28:13.840 --> 00:28:16.160 There's nothing required of you. 616 00:28:17.000 --> 00:28:20.280 That kind of, you're fine where you are and where you are. 617 00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:25.280 So anyway, what are your thoughts so far? 618 00:28:25.280 --> 00:28:27.000 Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. 619 00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:32.000 I'm talking to your concerns and fears. 620 00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:34.240 Yeah, no, that made a lot of sense, 621 00:28:34.240 --> 00:28:39.240 what you said about how the Lord is using this 622 00:28:41.360 --> 00:28:45.520 to show me basically the areas that I'm still enslaved in 623 00:28:45.520 --> 00:28:50.520 or dependent on for, basically dependent on 624 00:28:51.120 --> 00:28:52.640 outside of who God is. 625 00:28:54.840 --> 00:28:58.800 And to bring me into further freedom, 626 00:28:58.800 --> 00:29:01.760 that makes a lot more, I mean, that makes a lot of sense, 627 00:29:03.120 --> 00:29:05.040 what you were saying there about that. 628 00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:09.160 Are you still there? 629 00:29:09.160 --> 00:29:10.040 Yes, I am. 630 00:29:10.040 --> 00:29:10.880 Oh, you are, okay. 631 00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:12.280 Sorry that, yeah. 632 00:29:12.280 --> 00:29:13.120 No, that's okay. 633 00:29:13.120 --> 00:29:16.040 I just wanted to make sure that you're still there. 634 00:29:16.040 --> 00:29:20.200 One thing that you had mentioned earlier was about how, 635 00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:21.800 and this was like a week or so ago 636 00:29:21.800 --> 00:29:23.160 when we were talking on Marco Polo, 637 00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:25.040 was that things don't just happen to us. 638 00:29:25.040 --> 00:29:27.760 Is that everything happens based on what we believe 639 00:29:27.760 --> 00:29:30.600 or what we frame our beliefs around. 640 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:35.120 So when we hit places like this, 641 00:29:35.120 --> 00:29:37.320 like, does that mean that I brought it upon myself 642 00:29:37.320 --> 00:29:39.880 because of how I wasn't believing the right way? 643 00:29:39.880 --> 00:29:41.200 Or is it a little bit of both, 644 00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:43.080 like a little bit of warped belief 645 00:29:43.080 --> 00:29:46.600 and God just trying to bring you into further freedom? 646 00:29:46.600 --> 00:29:48.320 Well, when I was talking about the fact 647 00:29:48.320 --> 00:29:49.640 that things don't happen to us, 648 00:29:49.640 --> 00:29:52.760 I mean that what I meant was in the way that we refer to it, 649 00:29:52.760 --> 00:29:55.080 because we always refer to things happening to us 650 00:29:55.080 --> 00:29:58.480 like we're subject to them or we're a victim. 651 00:29:58.480 --> 00:29:59.320 That's what I meant. 652 00:29:59.320 --> 00:30:00.440 I was like, we're not. 653 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.380 We're not like in the victim state of life where things just kind of happen to us 654 00:30:05.380 --> 00:30:09.440 and so no it it's um, it's not that we're by our our 655 00:30:10.040 --> 00:30:17.840 Belief system we're causing we're always causing things to happen like say for instance that someone who is right 656 00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:24.680 You know, my goodness if they're raped at three years old. Well, my goodness. Did they bring that on themselves by their belief system? 657 00:30:24.680 --> 00:30:28.960 No, absolutely not. So I didn't I didn't mean it like that 658 00:30:29.080 --> 00:30:34.120 I was talking about, you know, obviously in the way that we think of thing. Oh something such-and-such happens to me 659 00:30:34.840 --> 00:30:41.880 And this is very strange. I hope that I am still I think that I'm still going the right way. Whoops 660 00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:49.480 Sorry, I know that I made a wrong turn, but I think it put me back on the right 661 00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:52.000 The right place. I think I'm good now 662 00:30:52.560 --> 00:30:57.440 I'm in Missouri going through some town and 663 00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:04.520 Which is which is good because during this call it means that I have good self-coverage 664 00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:15.060 Okay, so talked about that that happened and then you asked for oh the belief system 665 00:31:15.060 --> 00:31:15.560 Yeah 666 00:31:16.280 --> 00:31:24.480 It's not that we are that we're to blame or something for our or everything that's going on on around us but 667 00:31:25.280 --> 00:31:27.280 What the okay? 668 00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:29.960 Things happened to Jesus too 669 00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:35.480 But I know it's a really confusing phrasing is how what we just debunked the whole thing about happened to you 670 00:31:35.480 --> 00:31:39.280 But you know the Jesus was in circumstances and situations 671 00:31:39.280 --> 00:31:44.420 That's my point that other people are based off of other people's and decisions 672 00:31:44.620 --> 00:31:48.740 He was almost almost thrown off the cliff, you know 673 00:31:48.820 --> 00:31:56.020 And he I don't know people attacked him and they and then the Pharisees were constantly 674 00:31:56.460 --> 00:31:59.500 Constantly probing him and trying to get him to 675 00:32:00.140 --> 00:32:03.300 You know slip up and etc. Well 676 00:32:04.460 --> 00:32:10.300 the the thing about the belief system is how it is that we respond in those situations and 677 00:32:10.460 --> 00:32:17.820 Whether or not we allow it so to speak to overcome us or whether we choose to overcome it and 678 00:32:18.980 --> 00:32:21.900 The end because that's the power of the situation 679 00:32:22.340 --> 00:32:25.380 Situations do not have any 680 00:32:26.220 --> 00:32:31.860 Power the only effect that they can have on us is any effect that we allow it to have 681 00:32:32.820 --> 00:32:35.940 Just like God allows himself to be affected by us 682 00:32:36.300 --> 00:32:41.220 We have that same power where we can allow or not allow something to affect us and 683 00:32:41.540 --> 00:32:46.380 Based off of what it is that we believe about life about the situation or whatever. So 684 00:32:49.420 --> 00:32:52.420 I'm trying to think of it. It just that makes sense. Okay 685 00:32:54.100 --> 00:32:58.740 Example but okay. No, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah 686 00:32:58.740 --> 00:33:04.340 It's just because the battle is for our soul. The battle is internal 687 00:33:04.740 --> 00:33:09.820 That's that that's the battle it's not the outside it's not the circumstances it's not what goes on 688 00:33:09.820 --> 00:33:16.100 it's not what happens in our body and and how our you know, and this that and the other and 689 00:33:17.220 --> 00:33:24.420 It's you know, it's just it's it's how we it's what we believe. Do we believe that we're threatened? 690 00:33:24.540 --> 00:33:27.260 Do we doubt that we're still safe? 691 00:33:27.940 --> 00:33:29.940 Do we you know? 692 00:33:30.060 --> 00:33:32.060 that that's the that's the 693 00:33:33.060 --> 00:33:38.140 The power that we give situations over us it's not that the situations are powerful 694 00:33:38.140 --> 00:33:41.380 It's that we don't recognize our own power 695 00:33:41.380 --> 00:33:47.460 And therefore we believe that we're submitted to the thing and we start acting like we're submitted to the thing 696 00:33:47.460 --> 00:33:52.100 But it doesn't make us actually submitted to it and it actually doesn't give the situation power over us 697 00:33:52.100 --> 00:33:56.100 It just means that we are not operating in our own power 698 00:34:02.620 --> 00:34:04.620 Oh 699 00:34:07.220 --> 00:34:09.219 When you were talking about 700 00:34:11.179 --> 00:34:14.199 The character of the Lord and believing God 701 00:34:16.460 --> 00:34:19.340 Believing God according to who he says he is and who he is 702 00:34:20.580 --> 00:34:22.580 how do I 703 00:34:24.100 --> 00:34:28.460 How do I know who God says he is when I when I don't even want to read the Bible 704 00:34:28.460 --> 00:34:35.820 And that sounds horrible, but I literally haven't I I can't bring myself to read the Bible except for like a couple passages 705 00:34:36.420 --> 00:34:39.820 And I know that you know faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God 706 00:34:39.820 --> 00:34:45.020 But it's like how do I know who God is and the characters of God if I don't even want to read the Bible? 707 00:34:58.460 --> 00:35:00.860 Okay 708 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:21.400 I can hear you now. 709 00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:25.320 Your video is frozen, but I can hear you. 710 00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:28.600 I can hear you. 711 00:35:28.600 --> 00:35:30.320 Can you see me? 712 00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:32.000 Hi, hi. 713 00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:34.440 He's scared of the thunder. 714 00:35:34.440 --> 00:35:34.940 Hello? 715 00:35:34.940 --> 00:35:36.120 Oh, Eric, come, come. 716 00:35:36.120 --> 00:35:38.200 OK, yeah, I can hear you, kid. 717 00:35:38.200 --> 00:35:38.800 OK. 718 00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:42.080 Good, because I need to make sure to get back in line. 719 00:35:42.080 --> 00:35:43.760 Sorry, we're having a thunderstorm here, 720 00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:46.400 and Eric just heard it and freaked out, so. 721 00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:47.720 You OK? 722 00:35:47.720 --> 00:35:50.280 It's OK. 723 00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:52.640 You don't have to be scared. 724 00:35:52.640 --> 00:35:53.640 That was thunder. 725 00:35:56.640 --> 00:35:59.320 That was thunder. 726 00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:01.680 Look, it's raining outside. 727 00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:04.960 Yeah, when it rains, sometimes it thunders. 728 00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:06.960 Here's me cleaned out. 729 00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:07.960 What? 730 00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:09.960 What are you doing? 731 00:36:09.960 --> 00:36:10.460 Huh? 732 00:36:10.460 --> 00:36:11.960 That was Ashley. 733 00:36:11.960 --> 00:36:13.460 What's up? 734 00:36:13.460 --> 00:36:14.960 Yeah, Mommy's talking to Ashley. 735 00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:15.960 Here's me cleaned out. 736 00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:21.460 What's up? 737 00:36:21.460 --> 00:36:21.960 What's what? 738 00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:24.460 What's that? 739 00:36:24.460 --> 00:36:25.460 Is that thunder? 740 00:36:25.460 --> 00:36:26.960 Do you want to go downstairs again? 741 00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:34.960 Yeah, the thunder's all gone. 742 00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:35.960 Is that a thunder? 743 00:36:35.960 --> 00:36:37.460 Yeah, hold on. 744 00:36:37.460 --> 00:36:38.960 It's almost on my spoon. 745 00:36:41.960 --> 00:36:42.460 Whoops.