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Hi.

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Hi.

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How are you.

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Good to see you. I'm doing okay. Yeah.

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Good.

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You're back in your old house.

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Yeah.

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Stripe your hair stripes.

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It's a, yeah.

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So I did the highlights and yesterday,

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but they're lighter than I'm used to.

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But of course.

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Hairdresser because I have moved to South Carolina and, you know,

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when I got married to my husband.

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And so anyway, I had to move my hairdresser.

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So anyway, yesterday was the first time that he did my hair.

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And he did it yesterday.

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And he did it yesterday.

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And I like it. You can tell, you can tell. Yeah.

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It's a big difference.

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Also though,

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I think it's also one of those things where it'll tone down a bit if I

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wash it. So I haven't washed it since he did it yesterday.

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And, and anyway, and then, you know,

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how it is that you always have your own way of doing your hair.

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So that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And I think I like it better than what I had.

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I really like what he did.

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And he followed the original guy's directions because my other

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hairdresser gave him the formula, you know,

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the color formula and said what he did.

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And so he did a really good job.

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He just added more lightness around the face that I'm used to.

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So it just light.

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We all up, but I think it'll tone down when I, when I wash it.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Well, there's that too.

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But he also did a bit of a, a much lighter streak, like, right.

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Which is fascinating. But I think that.

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I think that the way that I do my hair,

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cause I was doing my hair and kind of like this swoop up top.

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Cause I'm from Texas.

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Oh, yeah.

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Volume.

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That's what you're known for.

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Yes, that's right. We say that.

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Yeah.

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So I'm going to mess around a little bit, but it's really sweet.

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I know other women notice like, Oh, you changed your hair.

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I did other guys, guys have no idea. They're like,

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Yeah.

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Different.

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Yeah.

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So how have you been?

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I've been.

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All right.

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Yeah.

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I've been to, I've been home on vacation with my family.

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I've.

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Tried to take in.

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I don't know.

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What have I done? Like, well, I spent time with God.

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Kind of.

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Yeah.

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Saying how it really is. And also confess and belief, I guess.

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And trying to find out what's in my heart.

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Like what's really there when you're really honest with yourself and

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God. So that was really good. And just seeing.

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I don't know.

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What's in my heart.

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And also, I guess like a lot of unbelief.

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So it was just good to get that out.

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And talk to him about it.

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And also.

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Listening to your teaching and trying to make it like fall into

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place.

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And trying to grasp what I can understand.

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And.

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That's that's great. That's really important.

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And what I feel, I feel like there's something happening.

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But I can't really.

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Put into words what it is that's happening.

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My sister tried to ask me.

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on. And I couldn't really, and I just started to notice that I was starting to react a bit

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different. And I think it is a process of many things coming into place. Like I listened,

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I bought your foundation series this summer. Oh, yes. Yes. So I listened to I think the 16 of 17

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videos. Okay. Oh, all right. Yes. Okay. And now I already started to, and I listened to

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Lindsay Vance's podcast. And also, it's been like, I've been in such a big crisis in my own

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life for various reasons. So I feel it's, it's, it's like, I feel like I've been through an

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operation. And now I'm and now the storm has kind of passed like the worst, but you're kind of left

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with a lot of a lot of good things that God did. There are a lot of things that are messy or

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painful and hurtful. Yeah. And I know it's a process of God giving me back what the devil

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stole from me, because he showed me that I'm going to give you back what the devil stole from

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you. And like I explained to you yesterday, I felt like he gave me maybe like half I said,

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and a lot more, but then the other half, like shame and condemnation and fear and

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unbelief. Some of it is still there. Yeah. So but I'm starting also like unbelief is that

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you feel like you've done everything and received everything you can and now you just have to live

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with what you got. And you know that God gave you a lot. So it's not you can't blame him for not doing

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anything because he has and you can't blame yourself because you believe you've done everything

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you can and your power and I can't blame other people because I feel like I've always had people

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in my life. So what is there left to do? Then you just have to find a way to live with it.

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Yeah. And but now I am receiving hope that I so maybe I don't have to. But still there's things

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like, you know, like the shame and a broken heart, like I mentioned to you last time over

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relationship and the tinnitus, like the health issues. So there's still I don't know how to

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so there's hope. But there's also a lot of things that are kind of broken. And yeah, yeah.

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Um, a so whenever I share about things, it's always about how not to about not how to feel

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better, but about how to actually get the result. Now, people will feel better that but the thing

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is that it's about it's stuff that can feel hard, or feel simple, even though it's not hard. It's

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just that it requires something of us. So we call it hard. And but the things that I talk about are

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the things that actually will get the result. And the reason we haven't been getting the result is

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that we haven't been doing these things. So I preface what I'm saying by saying that, what I'm

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going to say by saying that, and that is that the fastest way God has everybody on their own journey,

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you know, so you just ride the journey, you just ride the wave between you and the Lord,

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the way that he is, and the way that he's taking you through it, because everyone's going to have

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their own unique story. So I never want people to feel like when I tell them, Oh, by the way,

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this is how I did it. And whatever, and this in this works, don't everyone want everyone to think

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that they're that they're that they have to like fit themselves or confine themselves into this

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particular box. Well, this is what happened with Ashley, this was Ashley's journey with the Lord,

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etc, as if it's the only way to do it. But there, I want people that just get the principle

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of what God took me through, and then allow God to apply those principles in his own unique way

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in their life. So, but what, what was the one of the principles that I'll tell you that, that helps

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us cross the thresholds, these difficult, painful thresholds, whether we're talking about like how

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to get about inner healing, you know, healing from all of this, like you said, the storm is

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passing, there's all this debris, like healing from that, you know, and how to have faith and

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etc. The fastest way to do

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that is actually to just let go of all of these things that we're holding before the Lord of like,

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Lord, I want, you know, the healing or Lord, there's this pain in my life. Don't you remember

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this pain and this pain has all of it has my attention and I'm holding it before you and Lord,

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I want this for you from you. And Lord, you had told me that I could, that you'd made this promise

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to me or, or sometimes it's things like even, um, areas of like, I don't know, shame and

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condemnation. There's all of these things that we're focusing our mind on and whatever it is

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that we focus our mind or our heart towards is, um, is what we're giving obviously the most

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attention to. And therefore it's what we're choosing for ourselves is the most valuable.

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So we have good. So what God wants us to do is to choose him to be the most valuable thing to us.

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But if it's not him that we're focusing on, and it's all of these things that we're holding before

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him that we're focusing on, then it's, then we're, we we've, um, we're putting it says wherever your,

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um, uh, wherever your heart is, it were your, what is, how, how does that, um, how does that

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verse go? Um, where your, where your treasure is there. Yeah. So in other words, we're whatever

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we're focusing on all of these things. And what we think that we're doing is we think that we're

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paying attention to them and holding them before the Lord. And so therefore that's a godly posture,

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a godly position from which he'll realize this is very, very important to us and he'll, he'll

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heal it or he'll meet it. And really what he wants, what's happening is that in a manner of speaking,

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we're idolizing it, or we're treasuring it, or we're valuing it more than him.

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So the fastest way to get healing in all of those areas and across major spiritual maturity

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thresholds and began to get more spiritually mature in certain areas, like say for instance,

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you know, having more faith in him, believe, you know, that kind of thing is actually to let all

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of those things go. And so we, in other words, we stop holding them before the Lord in the way that

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we've been holding them before him, which is actually a manner of like accusation of Lord.

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I've been holding this before you, why haven't you done anything yet? Or aren't we going to do

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something about this? Or what do you want me to do about this? Or, you know, it's just there's

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this desperation, this urgency. And, and unfortunately, so much of that is actually

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from a place of accusation and unbelief. Even though we haven't recognized it like that,

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we thought this desperation was just simply us pursuing and believing that God said that we

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shouldn't have to have this. And so we're desperately holding it before the Lord in belief

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that he's going to take it away. We've, we've, we've, as weird as it sounds, we've tricked

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ourselves into thinking that what we're doing and being so desperate is actually a godly posture

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that he encourages us to do. And he's just like, no, no, no. In there. The reason that you are so

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desperate. And the reason that you're in so much pain is you don't believe me. You, it's an

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accusation and you love it. And you're wanting resolution and, and reconciliation of it more

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than me. So what I'm asking you to do is give up this and choose me. And when we do that,

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because we choose him, it's in choosing him. It's in being more immersed into him. It's in

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being more intimate with him, that this other thing gets resolved. It's resolved as a residual

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effect of the fact that for lack of a better phrase or absorbed more and more into the Lord.

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So the way that we get that aspect healed is to let it go, let go of it ever being healed.

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I do not mean that we give up hope. No striving in us that hope is the good thing, but that

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striving in us of like that desperateness in which we're holding something to the Lord.

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There's an element in there that actually is accusation. And, and, and so sometimes because

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we can't separate holding it before the Lord from the accusation, that's also mixed up in there.

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We have to abandon the whole thing.

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in order to get rid of the accusation, uh, even though there are some good things in there as

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well, if we can't separate them and hold them before the Lord without the accusation, you just,

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what I do is I just dumped the whole thing to get rid of the accusation. And I am telling you what

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that is when God moves. And, um, it, but because we've chosen him over the healing,

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I don't mean like, we're like, Oh no God. So, so here's another way that this will kind of like

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manifest itself, which gets us very confused. Um, I mean, which anyway, um, gets us thinking

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that we're doing something, uh, godly. And, uh, that is where we're, um, well, I don't know how

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to explain that. I know I'm going to have to think about that in order to, uh, figure out how to

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articulate it. Cause well, that's one of the things that the Lord has done is, you know, it's

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all well and good if one has experienced certain things, but then you have to, in order to help

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someone else, you have to be able to articulate it. So you have to think about how to articulate

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what I was going to say. But anyway, um, is, uh, the, it's almost like choosing God instead of the

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answer. And one of the ways would he first introduced that idea to me was when it was about

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10 years ago. Um, yeah, it was 10 years ago. I was, I had an opportunity to go on a mission trip

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and I couldn't tell if God was telling me I could go or not. And I agonized about it. Like in my

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spirit, I literally was in agony trying to figure out whether or not he was telling me to go because

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I didn't want to disobey. And, and what he told me was, and he told me this to other people who

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didn't know what it was that I was asking the Lord about. I just went to them for prayer and they

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said, God is telling us to tell you to, to seek him and not the answer from him. He wants to be

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sought for himself and not the answer. And so it's like, well, that's a novel idea and it makes

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sense. So anyway, so I did that and I released God ever giving me the answer and, and within,

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I don't know, maybe, maybe 60 seconds, he gave me the answer, but it was only after I completely

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gave it up. Yeah. Yeah. And yes, I went. And that's what he told me. He said, Ashley, I,

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I actually have been telling you, but you couldn't, you couldn't hear me. Yeah. I've been

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telling you this whole time and you couldn't hear me. So now that you've released the, it released

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having, getting the answer from me now, because you're in a way you're no longer emotionally,

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you're no longer emotionally tied to the outcome. In other words, am I going to tell you to go or

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not tell you to go? And do you like that? I answered, do you not like that answer? Now that

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you're emotionally disconnected from the outcome, you can hear me more clearly. It's hard for you

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to hear me. If you're emotionally invested in it and say, you have to release it and choose me

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not doing the mission trip and not even obeying me. You have to choose me over obeying me

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Hmm. As weird as that sounds, because there's so much of a connection that we make

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of, uh, between ours, ourselves and obedience. And the fact that we continue to see that as a,

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uh, some way in which we're making payment to God, some way in which we're performing in response to

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him is obedience. Okay. God, I'm just here to, you know, just do whatever it is you want me to do.

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And obedience is very important, but unfortunately we've approached it from the wrong spirit,

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from the wrong. Yeah. From the wrong perspective, we've approached it's obedience. So often not

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from the place of, well, obviously I'm his son. And so naturally I just want to obey him because

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that's just what I do. What we've been doing is Lord, I so badly want to please you. I so badly

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want to do the right thing. And so often there's an element of performance in there that God wants

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to separate us from. So that's why I say we have to choose him even over. We have to value him

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more than we value being able to obey him because sometimes we see obedience as his way of,

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as our way of getting his approval. We have to choose. We have that we have this approval.

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And in, in that it's absolutely disconnected from whether or not we're obeying him. And then

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we have, we rest in and the, uh, well, there's another word.

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I can't think of the word, but we just rest in the rest of being a son.

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And then we'll naturally obey him.

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So God's not concerned when we give up all of these things, like when we release

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all these things, like we choose him over, over trying so hard to obey him.

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And we choose him over getting an answer like, Lord, what do you want me to do next?

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Or we choose him over the healing or whatever.

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He's not concerned about how all of these other things are going to happen.

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Like, well, if you give up obeying me, that means you're just

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never going to obey me again.

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Or you're, you know, or you're not going to, if you give up loving,

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trying so hard to love me, that my word, that means that you're not

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going to love me or you're, you're not going to get healing or you're

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giving up ever getting an answer.

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That's not the case.

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It's that we're just simply choosing that he's more valuable

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to us than these, than these things.

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And so we're going to let these things go.

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And by choosing him, he's going to, um, from that natural.

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Relationship and connection with him and having chosen him as the first

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and foremost thing in our life, everything else will take care of

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itself because the, the resolution and the outcome of everything in our

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life, including our obedience to him, you know, et cetera, naturally

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flows from our union with him.

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So we have to choose our union with him in order to get these things, what it

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is that they need to actually happen, which is for us to be able to have

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the clarity to get an answer for us to, uh, you know, um, uh, obey him

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from just the fact that we're just naturally his son and we naturally

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want to obey him, um, that we receive inner healing, that we receive

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physical healing, you know, whatever, all of that naturally flows very

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effortlessly from the union.

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But if we don't choose union first and we choose these, we have

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to work really hard for them.

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Even really hard and like pestering the Lord about them.

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And then I'm trying to look up a Bible verse really quick.

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See, I think it's, um, that talks about this, that talks about faith and what

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we're supposed to have faith in.

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So, you know, Hebrews is, you know, the faith book and then Hebrews 11, I

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think it's yeah, Hebrews 11, specifically, she knows the hall of faith.

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You know, we're talking about all of the different people.

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And one of the things that he says is he says in Hebrews 11, six and without

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faith, it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him, and

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this is what's very important.

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Anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those.

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In other words, there's going to be an outcome.

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He rewards those who earnestly seek him.

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Hmm.

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So that's what we're supposed to focus on.

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That's what, that's the basis of faith is God himself seeking God himself, not

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seeking the fulfillment of his promises.

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If we seek him seeking first, the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all

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these things will be added into you.

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And then of course, Hebrews 11, six, where it says he, that, and that he

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rewards those who earnestly seek him.

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You say, if we seek him, everything else comes out of that.

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So it can be challenging to do that because, and this is what I held before

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the Lord for so long.

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I literally told the Lord this.

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I said, Lord, this is when I was, I was in very deep depression.

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I was going through such heartache and I told the Lord there, I felt like I'd

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received a lot of rejection from, from a lot of people, including the Lord.

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And that I don't know, I just been, I'd had all kinds of negative things

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happen to me and it was just unfair.

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And it was, and I told the Lord.

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Um, and I was just holding a whole lot of resentment towards him.

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And I was holding these things before the Lord, like, Lord, I

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want you to make restitution.

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I want you to fix this.

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I want you to prove my innocence or whatever it was.

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And, uh, and I knew that the Lord wanted me to let go of it.

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And I, um, and I knew that I was in bondage by the fact that I wouldn't let

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go of it and that I was just holding myself there, but I told the Lord, and

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this was absolutely, this is really, really fascinating.

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I found out all kinds of fascinating things about my own heart when I said

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this, but I was very, um, but I always think it's very important to be honest

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with the Lord because that helps us shift out of something faster and because

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we face it in ourselves and we're honest with the Lord because he knows it anyway.

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So we might as well be honest with it about it.

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And that is, I told him, I said, Lord, I know that you're telling me.

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to give this up, but I can't because it's valuable and to, and to release it and other,

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and this is before God started teaching me about letting go and release and rest.

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And so I'm not even using, I wasn't using those phrases in context with understanding

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that if you let things go and if you shift into rest, well then, you know, if everything

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flows from that, uh, this was just me just saying, Hey Lord, I know that you want me

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to give it up, almost like forgive, forgive these people, forgive the Lord, you know,

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forgive all of these things.

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I told him, I said, Lord, if I, if I don't want to let these things go and I don't want

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to forgive because then that means that they're not valuable, that, that the, and the, my

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pain and what I experienced is valuable.

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So I am going to hold onto them in order to give them the value and to honor the value

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that they deserve.

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That's how twisted that we can get.

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And so that's how I was so twisted, you know, subconsciously and my approach to it.

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Um, but I believe that God just gave me the words to articulate something that we all

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struggle with.

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And that's the fact that we don't want to give something up, you know, even like our,

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our internal healing, um, you know, the fact that, you know, our innocence is, uh, be proved

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or something that we're holding before the Lord, like some promise that he spoke over

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us that he said he would fulfill.

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And we haven't seen the fulfillment yet or physical healing or, you know, releasing our

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soul from, from torment, you know, and feeling shamed or condemned or separated from him

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or whatever it is that we're feeling that work that, um, believe that, that we have

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a tendency to do what it is that I articulated to the Lord.

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And that is, we don't, we feel that if we let it go, that we're saying that it wasn't

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important and that what happened to us and the pain that we were going through wasn't

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worth acknowledgement and it wasn't worth, um, uh, it, and by it not getting justice,

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it lets the person or, or God or whatever that did this to us all Scott free.

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And that I am not valuable.

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And so it's like, no, I am valuable.

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And what happened to me was wrong.

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And so I'm going to hold onto it, even if God, because by letting it go, I'm just proving

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that it wasn't valuable.

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So anyway, that was my reasoning for continuing to hold onto it and to hold onto it against

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the Lord.

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So anyway, but it wasn't until I finally let go of all of those things.

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Um, I don't know, two, three years later, I don't remember how much longer later, uh,

333
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that I finally got healing and it finally got released.

334
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And all of a sudden I took off like a rocket because I'd finally let all those things go.

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But anyway, um, so I just say that, you know, just for, for what it's worth, just in case

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anything resonates within you, but, um, that is the fastest way.

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Now, one of the things that you can do practical things that you can do to start stepping into

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that, to start like letting all of those things go is, um, is to just, you know, and in choosing

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God over those things is, you know, choosing that, making a willful decision that he loves

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you.

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Thank you.

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Willful decision that you are unconditionally accepted and that you have no shame and that

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you have no condemnation, because those aren't things that you're going to naturally feel.

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And those aren't things that are naturally going to make any sense to you.

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Um, you're going to just, you, you have to actually choose, okay, if God said it,

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then I am going to make it so by, well, just choosing that it's reality.

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I'm going to decide that it's reality.

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Now, God said it first, so you're not making it up, but you're going to, but when you decide

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this thing, it feels like you're making up a new rule because as you look in your world,

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you're like, I don't see evidence that that is real.

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I don't see evidence that that actually is true, that he does love me unconditionally,

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that he does love me to the depth that he says that he does.

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Um, you know, because surely if he loved me, I wouldn't be in pain.

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Surely if he loved me, if I am in pain, he'd, he'd show me how to fix it.

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He'd give me the right doctor to show me what.

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going on, he'd miraculously heal me.

357
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He wouldn't have had me suffer for this and this long.

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It would have, if I suffered for it, you know, just because sin is in the world

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and that these things just happen.

360
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Well, then God wouldn't have me suffer for it for a long time, especially if

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I've been begging him to release me from it, surely he would answer my prayer.

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So those are all the things that we say.

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And so our world to us looks like it's proving the opposite of what God said.

364
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So we have to choose that this thing that doesn't seem like reality at all, which

365
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is, God says, I love you unconditionally.

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I delight in you, um, you know, even in the midst of your pain and even in the

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midst of me, not showing you how to get healing yet and all of this stuff.

368
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I love you.

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And for us, we feel like, no, that's a contradiction.

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And we have to choose that.

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It's not, so it's like, we're making up a brand new rule of something that doesn't

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seem to exist in our world.

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And as if we're living in denial of reality, and that feels very weird.

374
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It feels like I'm living in to choose that God loves me to the

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degree that he says that he does.

376
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Those like, you know, I'm denying the reality of the world in which I live,

377
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but it's that kind of, of choice that we have to make.

378
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That's how it will feel.

379
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That's the experience that, that we have.

380
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And that is what faith is because faith is the substance of things hoped for,

381
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but the evidence of things not seen.

382
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So we're not seeing any evidence in our world, meaning like the things that are

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happening to us, the experiences that you're having or whatever to like, and

384
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I'm talking about the difficult things, like, you know, the pain and the, there's

385
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all kinds of ways in which you're like, oh, it's very obvious.

386
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God loves me.

387
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But we're talking about the areas in which it's like, that get us to

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question that God loves us.

389
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Like, well, what about this?

390
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And well, what about this?

391
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And surely if you love me that you wouldn't have allowed this to happen, or

392
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you wouldn't have allowed it to stay around this long or, you know, whatever.

393
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And we have to choose that we have to choose what God said over understanding

394
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and reconciling how this other could exist.

395
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If what God said really is true, we have to let go of the reconciliation.

396
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Go ahead.

397
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I think, uh, uh, I think some of it, uh, I can recognize some of the things.

398
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Uh, especially maybe when it comes to love.

399
00:32:46.920 --> 00:32:56.400
Uh, I think I am surrendering and giving it up, but it comes back, I think.

400
00:32:56.800 --> 00:33:00.240
So, or I don't know if that is that there's something in my heart that

401
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:02.720
doesn't really want to let it go.

402
00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:15.200
Uh, but I feel like, um, uh, I think I, well, I am spending a lot of time giving

403
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:20.040
things up and releasing things to God, but then it kind of comes back.

404
00:33:20.080 --> 00:33:25.160
And also it is like with the reality living in the reality, for example, with

405
00:33:25.160 --> 00:33:31.360
tinnitus, I go through, uh, I go to private clinic and I receive help, but

406
00:33:31.360 --> 00:33:41.280
then if I believe that I am healed by the stripes, uh, Jesus stripes on what

407
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he did on the cross, it's, it's like, I think so.

408
00:33:45.640 --> 00:33:45.880
Yeah.

409
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:51.440
So on the one side, it's like, I am releasing things and letting things go.

410
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And, um, I don't think, but I don't know why it's coming back.

411
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Uh, and the, on the other side, it's like, well, the things that I struggled to

412
00:34:05.240 --> 00:34:11.639
believe, I still feel like I'm supposed to take care of them, right.

413
00:34:11.639 --> 00:34:13.639
We're going to a clinic receiving help.

414
00:34:14.600 --> 00:34:19.960
Uh, but, but then do I really believe that I will be healed because now I'm

415
00:34:19.960 --> 00:34:22.560
getting help at a private clinic for this.

416
00:34:23.639 --> 00:34:25.239
So I think, yeah, go ahead.

417
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:26.040
Thanks.

418
00:34:26.040 --> 00:34:36.159
Like, and, uh, but I think there is issues in my heart deep down there where I don't

419
00:34:36.920 --> 00:34:43.600
believe fully that he loves me or that he's good.

420
00:34:44.080 --> 00:34:52.040
So then even though I do release things to him, I don't know if I take it back or

421
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if it's, um, not fully.

422
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:09.960
Yeah, I don't know. And I know also that I put obedience very high because I know that

423
00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:17.400
I use that against him quite a bit that Oh, but I did obey you and I did do what was right.

424
00:35:17.400 --> 00:35:23.560
And I think that I see that that is sometimes it's you're actually kind of using it against

425
00:35:23.560 --> 00:35:40.240
God, you know, and it's not. But then I think my problem is that I sometimes feel like I

426
00:35:40.240 --> 00:35:54.080
am doing these things. And but then now when you're talking, I'm seeing, well, maybe sometimes

427
00:35:54.080 --> 00:36:03.840
I do put a lot of effort in obeying and doing what's right. And then I can use it against

428
00:36:03.840 --> 00:36:13.560
him when things don't go the way I want to. But I also feel like I am releasing a lot

429
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and and like, I know that I'm not or I think I feel like I feel like I know that I'm not

430
00:36:20.680 --> 00:36:27.080
entitled to anything. I can't like, claim anything. Okay, this this, you owe me this.

431
00:36:27.080 --> 00:36:32.920
I know that that's not right. So then I want to freely give him everything all the things

432
00:36:33.000 --> 00:36:37.200
that I feel are my rights, like the rights to be healthy, the right to, I don't know,

433
00:36:37.200 --> 00:36:42.680
have like a healthy relationship. So I find the husband or the things be going well in

434
00:36:42.680 --> 00:36:57.080
my job, like, but I think I am releasing these things, and still not seeing full freedom,

435
00:36:57.080 --> 00:37:07.000
they keep coming back. Yeah, yes. And so that's why I recommend to people and it just feels so

436
00:37:09.560 --> 00:37:16.920
so part of it feels very drastic to them. And part of it feels very disconnected from what

437
00:37:16.920 --> 00:37:21.240
they keep trying to tell me. They're like, Yeah, but Ashley, there's, there's these situations,

438
00:37:21.240 --> 00:37:28.280
or there's, and, you know, this is, this is what's going on, you know, at this time,

439
00:37:28.280 --> 00:37:35.160
and at this time, and at this time, and, and, and what I what the rest intensive is all about.

440
00:37:35.160 --> 00:37:44.760
In other words, the program is, is in what it requires is, it's just a complete change in our

441
00:37:44.760 --> 00:37:49.880
operating system. It's like, I think what we talked about last time is if we've always been,

442
00:37:50.600 --> 00:37:56.600
we've always been moving counterclockwise. And God says, Okay, now I want you to move clockwise.

443
00:37:57.800 --> 00:38:02.040
So it's like, we still have families, and we still go to work, and we still whatever,

444
00:38:02.040 --> 00:38:07.720
both in rest and before, you know, when we weren't operating in rest, we were operating in

445
00:38:07.720 --> 00:38:12.360
strife and thinking everything was relying on us, and it was based on our performance, etc.

446
00:38:12.920 --> 00:38:23.480
And it's, we still, quote, unquote, do the same things. But we now approach all of them from a

447
00:38:23.480 --> 00:38:29.640
complete from, from a completely different perspective. In other words, we live life,

448
00:38:29.640 --> 00:38:36.600
and we approach life from a completely different way. And so therefore, it's going to change all

449
00:38:36.600 --> 00:38:41.800
those different areas, as opposed to us looking at specific areas, okay, what do I do here?

450
00:38:41.800 --> 00:38:45.560
Okay, now what do I do about the family? Okay, now what do I do about my relationships? Okay,

451
00:38:45.560 --> 00:38:51.320
what do I do about my healing? It's like, before we can even get into those, it's like,

452
00:38:51.320 --> 00:38:58.200
the entire way from which we approach life has to be changed. And this will give you an idea of what

453
00:38:58.200 --> 00:39:02.840
I'm talking about. And this is this is what changed everything for me. Literally, this is the

454
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:09.240
moment that everything that everything switched. It's as if kind of like on a kind of like on a

455
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:15.000
seesaw, or something like that, you have this point on which everything pivots. And that's

456
00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:20.440
called the focal point. So this is the focal point. This is this is the thing on which everything

457
00:39:20.440 --> 00:39:25.800
pivots is I told the Lord, I mean, I've just got so desperate, it's like you get to the absolute

458
00:39:25.800 --> 00:39:32.120
end, you try all kinds of options, you get to the absolute end, and there's nothing left to try. And

459
00:39:32.120 --> 00:39:38.760
so you just say, Okay, I, I, you know, I let go of all of these other other methods. And just like,

460
00:39:38.760 --> 00:39:43.640
let's just get down to the nitty gritty of my existence. And let me make a declaration. And I

461
00:39:43.640 --> 00:39:50.920
told the Lord, I said, God, I give up living my life. And how did I word it? I used to know exactly

462
00:39:50.920 --> 00:39:58.360
remember exactly how I worded it even, you know, years later. And, but it was that I told him,

463
00:39:59.160 --> 00:39:59.880
Lord, I

464
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.000
I give up. Oh, that's what it was. I completely give up my life.

465
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:10.000
Ever looking a particular way.

466
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:23.000
You can give me a husband. You not give me a husband. You can give me money, not give me money. My, my businesses can be successful. They cannot be successful. I completely give it up, meaning like I just, I just let it go.

467
00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:30.000
I no longer hold before you that my life needs look a particular way.

468
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:36.000
But then why if that's really good, then what you.

469
00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:49.000
Because I've done that. And I think, but then I've done that. And honestly, I think, but I don't know if I'm, but I just don't.

470
00:40:49.000 --> 00:41:01.000
But then aren't you supposed to, because if God promises you something, aren't you supposed to pray, give it to God, talk to him about it fast.

471
00:41:01.000 --> 00:41:17.000
Say for instance, like he said that I'm supposed to be healed, but then honestly, I give it up to God, because I, if he for some reason doesn't want to heal me, or doesn't do it and he is using my sickness for whatever purpose.

472
00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:32.000
And I think I'm fine with that. And I think I feel like, and the same with like a husband, I feel like I've surrendered it many times. And a lot of times feel, okay, if you want, you have a purpose for me a single, that's fine.

473
00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:50.000
But why do I feel like you tell me that you want to send me someone that feels like torture. You know what I mean, you're like, you're ready to give it up and you are giving it up, and the healing and then he feel like he's saying, Well, I want, I am going to give you a husband, I am going to heal you.

474
00:41:50.000 --> 00:42:04.000
So then it feels like, well, I don't know how to live in that when I am willing to give it up. I don't have to have a husband. Yeah, I don't have to be healed. I think God can use me, he's used me my whole life.

475
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:22.000
Even the 20 years when I haven't been healed. I've seen like, he's used me probably more than he would if I was healed. For some reason, he's using the weakness in me. And again, he has to, like all has to be done through weakness and in faith. So like, he gets the glory.

476
00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:48.000
And so I can see that. But then I don't know how to relate to. He's not telling me that I'm not going to be married and I'm not going to be healed. And like he said to him, Paul, he said, like, Paul asked for healing. And then he said, No, my grace is sufficient for you.

477
00:42:49.000 --> 00:43:07.000
And then I don't feel God telling me that his grace is sufficient for me. I feel like he's promising me something. Yeah. How do I hold on to that? And that's why I'm, I think I'm, I'm kind of like, I am surrendering this, but then you're promising me something.

478
00:43:07.000 --> 00:43:22.000
So then I want to be faithful in that and pray regularly and fast and bring it before you and ask you and contend for it, I guess is the right word, like contend for the healing, contend for what the promise is.

479
00:43:23.000 --> 00:43:44.000
And then, so then I don't know, maybe then I haven't really surrendered it, or maybe it is like you mentioned in the beginning of our talk that it's like so muddled, that you need to just like surrender it all until you read, you can live in that kind of, you can start to discern and remove.

480
00:43:45.000 --> 00:44:00.000
Yeah, yeah. Like full surrender. That's the right thing for the things that's promised. Yeah, that's, I don't know, you get what I'm saying? Oh, completely. Yeah. I was just trying to think, okay, how do I purchase this? Because there's multiple things that I could say. Yeah.

481
00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:19.000
So one of the things is that, so just really quick, just so that we have it just kind of like wrapped up. What I finished that prayer with was what I completely give up my life. I completely give up having any kind of a particular life.

482
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:39.000
You know, I release, you can do, you can have it look however you want. I completely release it looking like anything in particular, you get to decide that. And then I said, what I choose, Lord, and what I asked you for is no longer that I have a particular lifestyle, but that one way or another.

483
00:44:39.000 --> 00:45:00.000
I said, you can keep me here where I currently am and for the rest of my life. And I currently none of my, none of my businesses were working. My relationships, my deepest relationships were on the rocks. And then, and I had no money. I'm like, I was having to trust the Lord for food and no one knew. So anyway, it was all very, very quick.

484
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.520
I told the Lord, Lord, you can, you could have me live like this for the rest of my

485
00:45:04.520 --> 00:45:05.520
life.

486
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:12.960
If you want, I give up asking, uh, holding before you that I have a particular lifestyle

487
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:13.960
or whatever.

488
00:45:13.960 --> 00:45:20.200
And instead, Lord, I choose that you are who you say that you are.

489
00:45:20.200 --> 00:45:22.360
And I don't know who that is yet.

490
00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:28.720
And I just ask that whoever that is, could you manifest that into my life?

491
00:45:28.720 --> 00:45:30.920
In other words, you say that you're good.

492
00:45:30.920 --> 00:45:32.160
You say that you're righteous.

493
00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:33.640
You say you're holy.

494
00:45:33.640 --> 00:45:34.640
You say that you're omnipotent.

495
00:45:34.640 --> 00:45:37.760
You say that you're all of these things that your love, et cetera.

496
00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:42.960
I ask that you manifest those things into my life and that my life reflect the fact

497
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:45.600
that you reflect your character.

498
00:45:45.600 --> 00:45:51.440
Even if that means that you manifest in your goodness and your love means I experienced

499
00:45:51.440 --> 00:45:57.280
pain and discomfort case in point, Jesus, you know, for God so loved the world and God

500
00:45:57.280 --> 00:46:01.280
loved Jesus and, you know, and look what happened to him.

501
00:46:01.280 --> 00:46:02.280
Right.

502
00:46:02.280 --> 00:46:04.400
So I told the Lord as that's what I choose.

503
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:12.760
I choose that you be who you are and that it manifests physically into my life.

504
00:46:12.760 --> 00:46:18.560
And I don't get to decide what that looks like, what kind of a lifestyle that that then

505
00:46:18.560 --> 00:46:19.960
gives me.

506
00:46:19.960 --> 00:46:20.960
And that's what I choose.

507
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:22.960
So it was that kind of abandonment.

508
00:46:23.960 --> 00:46:27.600
As far as like what you're talking about of like, I know there's there, there can be a

509
00:46:27.600 --> 00:46:31.840
lot of confusion about that whole thing of like, well, wait a minute, you know, I mean,

510
00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:39.920
I, I actually have a whole teaching just on this, um, on faith, uh, uh, and, and how we're

511
00:46:39.920 --> 00:46:48.560
supposed to, um, um, have faith in the Lord when, when in light of unfulfilled promises,

512
00:46:48.560 --> 00:46:54.720
if God has told us something and it hasn't happened yet, how do we carry that through?

513
00:46:54.720 --> 00:46:56.800
Like, how do we carry faith through?

514
00:46:56.800 --> 00:46:59.120
I don't mean, how do we make the thing happen?

515
00:46:59.120 --> 00:47:04.480
I mean, how do we interact with the Lord in light of the fact that he's given a promise?

516
00:47:05.520 --> 00:47:06.880
How do we now interact with them?

517
00:47:07.520 --> 00:47:12.000
And, uh, like, do we contend and do we, you know, whatever.

518
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:16.160
And so one of the things that the Lord walked me through, which is what I teach is that

519
00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:18.480
we release the promise.

520
00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:21.680
We release God from ever from ever.

521
00:47:22.240 --> 00:47:24.720
Um, how do I put that?

522
00:47:24.720 --> 00:47:31.760
We, we don't take God's promise that he gave to us and now use it in accusation towards

523
00:47:31.760 --> 00:47:32.640
him of God.

524
00:47:32.640 --> 00:47:34.000
Why hasn't this happened yet?

525
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:36.800
And God, when is this going to happen?

526
00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:39.920
God, you're the one who said, et cetera, et cetera.

527
00:47:39.920 --> 00:47:43.600
And I didn't know about you, but it sounds like from what you've been saying that you

528
00:47:43.600 --> 00:47:46.560
learned the same thing that I learned in church.

529
00:47:46.560 --> 00:47:51.520
And that is that God gives us when God gives us promises, we're supposed to hold them before

530
00:47:51.520 --> 00:47:51.760
him.

531
00:47:52.560 --> 00:47:56.960
But the problem is the way that we have done it is an accusation.

532
00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:01.040
It's only meant as from God to be a gift.

533
00:48:01.040 --> 00:48:06.400
So what promises are is promises are pointing us towards the Lord.

534
00:48:06.400 --> 00:48:12.480
I believe to see more of who it is to reveal more of who it is that he is so that we've

535
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:20.960
so that, and that we, it gives us a, a new revelation of who he is so that we value him

536
00:48:20.960 --> 00:48:26.560
more and, um, and pour, pour more of ourselves into him, so to speak.

537
00:48:26.560 --> 00:48:30.960
So in other words, think of the promises be like, okay, God's like, okay, I know how much

538
00:48:30.960 --> 00:48:33.520
that this would mean to them in their world.

539
00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:37.040
And I know how much I want to pour into them.

540
00:48:37.600 --> 00:48:42.480
So based on their value system, I'm going to speak this promise to them.

541
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:44.080
Like, Hey, I'm going to heal you.

542
00:48:44.080 --> 00:48:45.200
I'm going to give you a husband.

543
00:48:45.200 --> 00:48:49.920
I'm going to, you know, whatever, you know, whatever the promises and we greatly value

544
00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:50.560
those things.

545
00:48:50.560 --> 00:48:55.600
And what we have a tendency to do is we tend to now look at the gift and think, oh my word,

546
00:48:55.600 --> 00:48:56.880
this is so exciting.

547
00:48:56.880 --> 00:48:58.480
Thank you so much for giving me the gift.

548
00:48:59.040 --> 00:49:00.720
Why hasn't it happened yet?

549
00:49:00.720 --> 00:49:04.640
You know, not immediately, but after a while, you know, at first we're like, oh, this is

550
00:49:04.640 --> 00:49:05.520
so exciting.

551
00:49:05.520 --> 00:49:06.560
Thank you to that.

552
00:49:06.560 --> 00:49:11.440
But if, if, if it's taken a while, sometimes in order for the thing to be fulfilled, we're

553
00:49:11.440 --> 00:49:17.520
like, well, God, you know, you feel like you're teasing me because I was fine giving it up,

554
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:20.320
but now you've told me to expect it.

555
00:49:22.160 --> 00:49:22.400
Yes.

556
00:49:22.400 --> 00:49:23.600
So now I have hope.

557
00:49:24.400 --> 00:49:26.400
Why aren't you doing it yet?

558
00:49:26.400 --> 00:49:30.640
And what God wants us to do is better off with just abandoning it.

559
00:49:31.200 --> 00:49:31.760
Yes.

560
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:37.440
It feels like, yeah, like a teasing or it feels like, do you like me being in pain because

561
00:49:37.440 --> 00:49:40.000
I'm willing to give up my husband.

562
00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:42.320
I'm willing to give up healing.

563
00:49:42.320 --> 00:49:45.040
I'm willing to give up all these things and money and finances.

564
00:49:45.040 --> 00:49:56.080
I don't, but it feels like he is habituating and I'm like, I was fine giving, I was fine

565
00:49:56.080 --> 00:49:59.920
being single and now I don't feel fine being single.

566
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.720
single because you promised it.

567
00:50:01.720 --> 00:50:03.920
I know, but you said it.

568
00:50:03.920 --> 00:50:08.420
Yeah, like why would you promise something

569
00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:11.880
and then it feels like you're being teased,

570
00:50:11.880 --> 00:50:16.620
you're being a fool, like fooled.

571
00:50:16.620 --> 00:50:21.620
And you feel kind of like an expectation

572
00:50:22.640 --> 00:50:24.160
that you didn't have before.

573
00:50:24.160 --> 00:50:26.560
And also like, does he like me being in pain,

574
00:50:26.560 --> 00:50:29.120
like with a mental pain that I've gone through?

575
00:50:29.120 --> 00:50:32.560
Does he enjoy, is it like my suffering in it

576
00:50:32.560 --> 00:50:36.060
and waiting that just brings so much freedom

577
00:50:37.880 --> 00:50:41.040
to other people around me and the testimony that I have

578
00:50:41.040 --> 00:50:45.320
of going through pain and clinging to Jesus through it is.

579
00:50:47.040 --> 00:50:49.880
So it's like, if you feel like you're chasing your tail

580
00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:52.860
and you're kind of like, so then it must be the pain

581
00:50:52.860 --> 00:50:55.980
that's so valuable to him that he wants me to be in it

582
00:50:55.980 --> 00:50:58.760
that one day I will be healed.

583
00:50:58.760 --> 00:51:01.740
But like, why is it this?

584
00:51:04.380 --> 00:51:07.660
Or that he rejoices in me being dependent on him

585
00:51:07.660 --> 00:51:10.300
and him being my husband

586
00:51:10.300 --> 00:51:13.380
and the pain that I'm feeling in it.

587
00:51:13.380 --> 00:51:16.180
Like for some reason that is my accusation

588
00:51:16.180 --> 00:51:17.380
that comes up against God.

589
00:51:17.380 --> 00:51:20.980
Does he like, does he enjoy my pain?

590
00:51:20.980 --> 00:51:24.440
Or he, like of course, obviously with Christ,

591
00:51:24.440 --> 00:51:27.040
he used it for our freedom.

592
00:51:27.860 --> 00:51:28.700
Yeah.

593
00:51:29.540 --> 00:51:32.620
And I don't even know why it is that

594
00:51:32.620 --> 00:51:36.900
when I'm totally honest and I come before the Lord

595
00:51:36.900 --> 00:51:40.620
and I take away all the layers of, you know,

596
00:51:40.620 --> 00:51:43.500
being a good church girl, like you're talking about

597
00:51:43.500 --> 00:51:44.960
and being obedient.

598
00:51:44.960 --> 00:51:47.960
I'm like, why do you want me to be in pain?

599
00:51:49.000 --> 00:51:50.740
Well, do you rejoice in my pain?

600
00:51:50.740 --> 00:51:53.740
That's like my raw question to God.

601
00:51:54.680 --> 00:51:55.920
Oh yeah.

602
00:51:55.920 --> 00:51:57.440
I almost walked away from God

603
00:51:57.440 --> 00:51:58.800
and didn't believe he existed

604
00:51:58.800 --> 00:52:01.440
because that is exactly what I believed.

605
00:52:01.440 --> 00:52:02.280
Really?

606
00:52:02.280 --> 00:52:05.920
I believed God was trying to kill me for his glory.

607
00:52:05.920 --> 00:52:06.760
I'm not kidding.

608
00:52:06.760 --> 00:52:07.600
That's what it feels like.

609
00:52:07.600 --> 00:52:09.900
That's exactly what I told him.

610
00:52:09.900 --> 00:52:12.920
And so I think it was about 12 years ago,

611
00:52:12.920 --> 00:52:14.760
I almost walked away from the Lord

612
00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:17.640
because I couldn't believe that he,

613
00:52:17.640 --> 00:52:20.560
I was questioning whether or not he existed.

614
00:52:20.560 --> 00:52:23.120
And this is someone that's been saved since they were four.

615
00:52:23.180 --> 00:52:25.140
I was baptized in spirit when I was seven.

616
00:52:25.140 --> 00:52:27.220
I spoke in tongues when I was seven.

617
00:52:27.220 --> 00:52:29.100
And then I was baptized in water when I was nine.

618
00:52:29.100 --> 00:52:31.980
I mean, I grew up as a missionary kid.

619
00:52:31.980 --> 00:52:34.380
You know, I was immersed in this stuff

620
00:52:34.380 --> 00:52:36.540
and I focused on him and everybody knew

621
00:52:36.540 --> 00:52:38.740
that that was a hallmark of who Ashley was,

622
00:52:38.740 --> 00:52:40.700
was Ashley is very serious about the Lord

623
00:52:40.700 --> 00:52:42.340
ever since I was a little girl.

624
00:52:42.340 --> 00:52:45.980
So someone who's immersed in this got to the point

625
00:52:45.980 --> 00:52:49.940
where when I was like at 23, 22, 23,

626
00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:54.160
where I almost, wow, so that was longer ago than I thought.

627
00:52:54.160 --> 00:52:56.160
Anyway, where I almost walked away from the Lord

628
00:52:56.160 --> 00:52:58.280
because I didn't know if he existed

629
00:52:58.280 --> 00:53:01.200
because this was my experience with him was,

630
00:53:01.200 --> 00:53:04.360
God, are you trying to kill me?

631
00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:07.440
So if you are, do you even exist

632
00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:08.900
because that doesn't sound right?

633
00:53:08.900 --> 00:53:10.400
Or are you even good?

634
00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:13.720
So anyway, when I was, when I went through that-

635
00:53:13.720 --> 00:53:14.560
It feels like hate.

636
00:53:14.560 --> 00:53:16.440
It feels like hate.

637
00:53:16.440 --> 00:53:17.280
Yes, yeah.

638
00:53:17.280 --> 00:53:19.000
Do you hate me?

639
00:53:19.020 --> 00:53:20.420
Yeah, exactly.

640
00:53:20.420 --> 00:53:23.420
That's what I can throw at him sometimes.

641
00:53:23.420 --> 00:53:25.580
I'm like, do you hate me?

642
00:53:25.580 --> 00:53:27.020
Correct, yeah.

643
00:53:27.020 --> 00:53:29.380
So what happened is I chose,

644
00:53:29.380 --> 00:53:31.020
I made the ultimate decision.

645
00:53:31.020 --> 00:53:33.320
Fascinatingly, I've never realized this.

646
00:53:33.320 --> 00:53:36.220
Back then, I thought, okay,

647
00:53:36.220 --> 00:53:38.140
so if I walk away from the Lord

648
00:53:38.140 --> 00:53:39.740
because I don't believe he exists,

649
00:53:39.740 --> 00:53:41.460
then I can live however I want.

650
00:53:41.460 --> 00:53:43.300
I can now do all of these sinful things

651
00:53:43.300 --> 00:53:46.180
that all these other people seem to have fun doing,

652
00:53:46.180 --> 00:53:48.580
but I wouldn't let myself do because God existed.

653
00:53:49.160 --> 00:53:51.600
But if he doesn't exist, I could just live life like that.

654
00:53:51.600 --> 00:53:54.640
Or if he does exist, I could still choose that

655
00:53:54.640 --> 00:53:56.560
because he seems to hate me.

656
00:53:56.560 --> 00:53:58.040
So what do I choose?

657
00:53:58.040 --> 00:54:01.160
And, but really the first thing was I had to decide,

658
00:54:01.160 --> 00:54:02.560
well, do I believe that he exists?

659
00:54:02.560 --> 00:54:05.800
And I realized I was so mad at him,

660
00:54:05.800 --> 00:54:10.280
so mad that I refused to let my anger at him go.

661
00:54:10.280 --> 00:54:13.240
And I thought, okay, so apparently I believe he exists

662
00:54:13.240 --> 00:54:14.840
because I'm refusing,

663
00:54:14.840 --> 00:54:17.120
because you can't be mad at someone who doesn't exist.

664
00:54:17.120 --> 00:54:21.340
So I thought, if I'm absolutely refusing

665
00:54:21.340 --> 00:54:24.060
to let him off the hook, it means I believe he exists.

666
00:54:24.060 --> 00:54:25.140
And you believe him.

667
00:54:25.140 --> 00:54:25.980
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

668
00:54:25.980 --> 00:54:27.540
It's like, okay, so apparently I believe he exists,

669
00:54:27.540 --> 00:54:29.180
so now that I believe he exists,

670
00:54:29.180 --> 00:54:30.700
I don't follow him or not.

671
00:54:30.700 --> 00:54:33.900
And I decided, even if God is trying to kill me,

672
00:54:33.900 --> 00:54:36.700
even if he's evil, and I told, and I, and I literally,

673
00:54:37.740 --> 00:54:41.140
even if he's evil, I can't not follow him

674
00:54:42.220 --> 00:54:45.380
because I can't imagine if God exists,

675
00:54:45.400 --> 00:54:47.360
if there is a God out there that exists,

676
00:54:47.360 --> 00:54:50.160
however it is that he exists, whatever it is he looks like,

677
00:54:50.160 --> 00:54:55.040
whatever it is he's like, I, how could you not follow him?

678
00:54:55.040 --> 00:54:59.440
And so I was like, okay, God, I submit myself then to you.

679
00:54:59.440 --> 00:55:00.280
And I told him, I said,

680
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.440
said, Lord, I don't know who you are.

681
00:55:03.720 --> 00:55:07.600
And in fact, he told me that he said, cause so after I chose him, I said, okay,

682
00:55:07.600 --> 00:55:12.240
God, even if you, even if you, um, are trying to kill me, I literally told him

683
00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:16.320
that even if you're trying to kill me, I will follow you for the rest of my life.

684
00:55:17.040 --> 00:55:20.040
And then he told me, he said, okay, Ashley, you said you've chosen me.

685
00:55:20.040 --> 00:55:23.800
He said, you've chosen me without even knowing if I'm good or evil.

686
00:55:24.280 --> 00:55:27.780
He said, you don't know you thought you knew, but now everything's been ripped

687
00:55:27.780 --> 00:55:31.940
out from under your, you know, your spiritual life and you don't know what's

688
00:55:32.220 --> 00:55:33.580
up and what's down anymore.

689
00:55:34.260 --> 00:55:37.340
We're going to start, he didn't word it like this, but I'm just saying this

690
00:55:37.340 --> 00:55:39.980
because basically like, we're going to start all over.

691
00:55:40.300 --> 00:55:45.620
He said, I am going to now reveal to you that I'm good and that I'm love.

692
00:55:46.380 --> 00:55:49.780
And so for the next several years, he began to reveal to me that he was good.

693
00:55:49.780 --> 00:55:51.460
So I no longer question that.

694
00:55:51.980 --> 00:55:57.620
I mean, I never question whether or not God is good, that he had to take me

695
00:55:57.620 --> 00:56:02.100
through several years in which that is what he focused on, but I still didn't.

696
00:56:03.340 --> 00:56:03.940
You want it?

697
00:56:05.140 --> 00:56:09.220
Even if you didn't get what you wanted, he showed you that he was, I had to

698
00:56:09.220 --> 00:56:14.820
decide, he began to, he began to reveal to me who it is that he was, where I

699
00:56:14.860 --> 00:56:19.980
could see that and choose that completely disassociated from my experiences.

700
00:56:20.780 --> 00:56:22.060
And that's what I wasn't.

701
00:56:22.060 --> 00:56:24.500
That's why I was confused up to that point.

702
00:56:24.500 --> 00:56:25.860
I was like, how could God be good?

703
00:56:25.860 --> 00:56:30.740
He might even be evil because I was, I was, I was identifying

704
00:56:30.740 --> 00:56:32.660
him according to my experiences.

705
00:56:33.540 --> 00:56:37.620
Like in other words, okay, well, if God's good, then he'll manifest like this.

706
00:56:37.620 --> 00:56:40.980
And when it, because that wasn't happening, I was like, then God must be evil.

707
00:56:40.980 --> 00:56:46.420
And anyway, so I was connecting my understanding and my, and my belief

708
00:56:46.420 --> 00:56:49.620
in his goodness off of my experiences.

709
00:56:50.020 --> 00:56:52.100
And so he began over those nexus.

710
00:56:52.100 --> 00:56:55.540
Once I finally chose that, okay, I don't even know if you're evil and I

711
00:56:55.540 --> 00:57:00.900
choose you anyway, once I completely let go of the manifestation and chose

712
00:57:00.900 --> 00:57:06.020
him regardless of the manifestation, then he's like, okay, now I can reveal to you.

713
00:57:07.380 --> 00:57:10.940
Now I can reveal to you who it is that I am now that you're no longer holding

714
00:57:10.940 --> 00:57:14.580
me to a particular standard and you're letting me define myself.

715
00:57:14.740 --> 00:57:15.340
I'm like, okay.

716
00:57:15.700 --> 00:57:17.260
So anyway, it took several years.

717
00:57:17.260 --> 00:57:18.580
He revealed to me that he was good.

718
00:57:18.580 --> 00:57:20.060
So I no longer question that.

719
00:57:20.580 --> 00:57:23.740
But then he had to reveal to me over the next several years.

720
00:57:23.740 --> 00:57:25.180
He's still working on it with me.

721
00:57:25.660 --> 00:57:26.580
That he's love.

722
00:57:27.100 --> 00:57:28.780
I believe a lot more that he's love.

723
00:57:28.780 --> 00:57:30.700
And I, and that's why I teach what I teach.

724
00:57:30.700 --> 00:57:35.860
I can, but I still, I still am having to move into deeper understanding

725
00:57:35.860 --> 00:57:39.700
that he's loved because I still have so much in me that just doesn't feel loved.

726
00:57:40.140 --> 00:57:43.700
You know, we're still working through all of that, but anyway, so.

727
00:57:44.420 --> 00:57:48.740
Um, it was, uh, he just like, Hey, let's just start all over.

728
00:57:49.020 --> 00:57:53.580
So I just tell you that story, you know, not trying to like tell you my story

729
00:57:53.580 --> 00:57:55.220
instead of letting you tell me yours.

730
00:57:55.260 --> 00:57:58.580
It's just to help you know, I do understand.

731
00:57:59.180 --> 00:58:03.580
And so when I'm telling you these things, they're in light of having

732
00:58:03.940 --> 00:58:10.540
faced that, um, faced those questions and held them in accusation against the Lord.

733
00:58:10.940 --> 00:58:16.620
And then when I made the desperate choice of giving up the lifestyle, giving up my,

734
00:58:17.100 --> 00:58:24.060
my, um, uh, giving up defining God by my experience, this is what happened.

735
00:58:24.340 --> 00:58:29.860
It's that powerful to give it up at that root level literally changes everything,

736
00:58:29.900 --> 00:58:31.820
but we actually have to give it up.

737
00:58:32.300 --> 00:58:35.460
But the other thing that I was going to say about the, you know, the faith thing,

738
00:58:35.460 --> 00:58:41.300
like holding these things before the Lord, et cetera, is what I believe that he's

739
00:58:41.300 --> 00:58:44.700
doing, this is, this is just my personal, this is my personal belief.

740
00:58:44.700 --> 00:58:47.060
This is how, what I believe that the Lord taught me.

741
00:58:47.060 --> 00:58:48.780
And this is how I live my life with him.

742
00:58:49.460 --> 00:58:55.460
And I'm telling you what it's, it's like when I've done this, things start moving

743
00:58:55.820 --> 00:58:58.900
like things that are stuck, finally get unstuck.

744
00:58:59.540 --> 00:59:03.900
And that is when I give up the, give up the promise.

745
00:59:03.900 --> 00:59:08.620
So you were talking about the pain, that pain that we keep thinking, well, God,

746
00:59:08.620 --> 00:59:12.460
you know, are you giving me these promises and then not fulfilling them

747
00:59:12.460 --> 00:59:16.860
in order to teach me patience in order to teach me dependence on you?

748
00:59:17.100 --> 00:59:24.660
You know, or do you delight in and value my pain is if my pain is something that

749
00:59:24.660 --> 00:59:29.500
I'm giving you as some currency that you require in order to give me the thing I

750
00:59:29.500 --> 00:59:35.460
want, I just have to be in enough pain for enough amount of time until the,

751
00:59:35.620 --> 00:59:38.540
until I've earned the promise.

752
00:59:38.820 --> 00:59:43.140
And, and so that's how we can feel, but the reason that we feel that way,

753
00:59:43.220 --> 00:59:44.860
because we don't have to feel that way.

754
00:59:45.700 --> 00:59:49.580
The reason that we feel that way is because we've held onto the promise.

755
00:59:50.140 --> 00:59:51.660
We grabbed the promise.

756
00:59:51.700 --> 00:59:54.980
He, he, he showed it to us and we claimed it.

757
00:59:55.780 --> 00:59:58.620
And what we have to do is we just have to let God, you know, just put it in our

758
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.640
in our hands, you know, like a phone or whatever, we just put it in our hands and say, Hey, by the

759
01:00:04.640 --> 01:00:12.080
way, this is what I plan to fulfill. Like, Oh, this is really great. And so we can, but we keep

760
01:00:12.080 --> 01:00:18.880
our hands open. We don't claim it. We just let it sit there like, okay, because with the word comes

761
01:00:18.880 --> 01:00:23.760
literally everything that the word needs in order for it to be fulfilled. So we don't have to do

762
01:00:23.760 --> 01:00:28.560
anything. We come into agreement with the Lord that if he says it's going to happen, it's going

763
01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:35.360
to happen. And so we hold that we can hold that before the Lord, but what we actually, but we,

764
01:00:35.360 --> 01:00:41.600
but we need to not how it is that we're claiming this, so to speak, partly comes from us looking

765
01:00:41.600 --> 01:00:46.000
at it all the time. And now we've chosen it. Now we've taken our eyes off the Lord. And now we're

766
01:00:46.000 --> 01:00:52.240
like, God, you said, God, you said, God, you said, instead of, Oh my word, Lord, you know,

767
01:00:52.240 --> 01:00:56.880
him giving us something. And he's like, look, look, I love you this much. Isn't that's exciting.

768
01:00:57.600 --> 01:01:02.320
Instead of, instead of focusing on him, we're like, Oh my word, I just love it. Instead. He's

769
01:01:02.320 --> 01:01:08.720
like, no, no, no. You know, we need to look at him and be like, Oh my word, you are that good.

770
01:01:08.720 --> 01:01:14.080
You would love me this much that you see that our eyes are now on him. And we're now,

771
01:01:14.080 --> 01:01:23.920
and we now use the promise to help us understand and to see, and to connect more with who God

772
01:01:23.920 --> 01:01:29.440
really is. It's now revealed more of his love to us. He's like, look, I love you this much.

773
01:01:29.440 --> 01:01:34.320
Look this, you want to know who I am? This is who I am. Oh my word. That's who you are.

774
01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:41.600
You know, and we, we need to focus on him, not on this thing, because otherwise if we're focusing

775
01:01:41.600 --> 01:01:46.080
on this thing and we're like, Oh, this is wonderful. Yes. I really do want this. Why

776
01:01:46.080 --> 01:01:53.520
haven't you done it yet? You know, but in that brings a lot of pain, but if we, but God's purposes

777
01:01:53.520 --> 01:01:59.760
in giving us promises is to reveal more about himself. And it's actually to put even more of

778
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:02.800
our, I don't want to say like more of our attention on him. Cause we were supposed to

779
01:02:02.800 --> 01:02:08.480
have always just had our attention on him anyway, but just to reveal more about himself so that we

780
01:02:08.480 --> 01:02:14.640
now know him better. We now know him more. We're more deeply and more intimately connected with him

781
01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:21.440
simply because he tried to communicate something about himself in a way that we could understand

782
01:02:21.440 --> 01:02:26.800
because we want this thing. And God said, Hey, I want to do this for you. We're like, Oh my word.

783
01:02:27.440 --> 01:02:33.840
That's who you are. You're a being that loves me that much. You've, you know, because he's

784
01:02:33.840 --> 01:02:38.640
basically just trying to speak our language. He's like, okay, what'll make sense to them?

785
01:02:38.640 --> 01:02:43.280
This, this will make sense to them. And so, but he's trying to tell us something about him,

786
01:02:44.000 --> 01:02:46.000
not try to accomplish something in our life.

787
01:02:48.080 --> 01:02:56.720
So the pain comes from choosing the promise over God. In other words, in other words, you know,

788
01:02:56.720 --> 01:03:03.600
just Lord, yes, I want this and focusing on what it is that we want. And then holding it

789
01:03:03.600 --> 01:03:10.240
an accusation against the Lord by, by saying, God, you're the one who said I was fine.

790
01:03:10.880 --> 01:03:18.480
You know, I'd given it up, giving it up. Doesn't mean that we need to, um, that we need to give

791
01:03:18.480 --> 01:03:23.440
it up. Like, Oh, I don't want it to happen. Giving it up simply means that we're holding

792
01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:27.520
onto it and we need to, we need to stop holding onto it. That's what giving it up means. Cause

793
01:03:27.520 --> 01:03:33.200
that means that God can take it or give it or take it or give it. And we're no longer in control.

794
01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:41.040
We release giving, we release being in control. We release requiring of God that it happened

795
01:03:41.040 --> 01:03:46.400
or making it happen ourselves. We just always stand with an open hand before the Lord where

796
01:03:46.400 --> 01:03:52.240
he can do whatever it is that he wants. And we delight in and rejoice and interact with the

797
01:03:52.240 --> 01:03:59.120
thing, you know, when God gives it. So it's not like we're associated from it, but we don't claim

798
01:03:59.120 --> 01:04:06.640
it and we don't choose it instead of him. We never ever hold on to anything that God gives us.

799
01:04:07.200 --> 01:04:12.560
Um, my, my husband and I have been talking, um, you know, a lot about this, about different things

800
01:04:12.560 --> 01:04:20.160
that the Lord has given us and the importance that when it comes to us to just enjoy it for

801
01:04:20.160 --> 01:04:27.920
the gift that it is without claiming it, because we're so used to interacting with gifts as if we

802
01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:35.120
have, as if they're ours and they're not ours. That's like, no, no, I just, I'm allowing you to,

803
01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:39.360
you know, I'm allowing that to be part of your life right now. Just like Job said, the Lord

804
01:04:39.360 --> 01:04:43.840
giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. We get to interact with it,

805
01:04:44.560 --> 01:04:48.960
you know, while, while it's in our sphere, while it's in our season or whatever. And then when

806
01:04:48.960 --> 01:04:54.160
the Lord removes it, he's always going to bring along something, something better. The way that

807
01:04:54.160 --> 01:04:59.840
I describe it is, um, and I, and that you've probably heard me say this when it was in one of

808
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.620
the inner is rest, um, teaching, uh, I don't remember which session it was in.

809
01:05:04.640 --> 01:05:07.240
Maybe it was the operating in the spirit, which I think it's like number

810
01:05:07.240 --> 01:05:08.600
eight or number nine, something like that.

811
01:05:09.120 --> 01:05:11.820
And we're, we're think of the spirit.

812
01:05:11.840 --> 01:05:16.520
In other words, our interaction with the Lord, the, the, the, the movement of the

813
01:05:16.520 --> 01:05:22.140
Lord's spirit through us, that, that, uh, manifests itself into the, into the

814
01:05:22.140 --> 01:05:24.480
physical realm and all of a sudden things start happening, right?

815
01:05:25.040 --> 01:05:29.460
So think of this flow of life through our existence is, you

816
01:05:29.460 --> 01:05:31.280
know, spirit being like a river.

817
01:05:31.980 --> 01:05:36.480
And it's important that we keep our hands in the river so that we can

818
01:05:36.480 --> 01:05:41.940
experience so much more of the spirit because the water flows up and around

819
01:05:41.940 --> 01:05:45.800
our fingers and over us and whatever we can experience so much more of the

820
01:05:45.800 --> 01:05:50.340
river with our open hands, just allowing the river to come to, to flow around.

821
01:05:50.340 --> 01:05:54.100
And, but that means that the river comes and then it goes.

822
01:05:54.820 --> 01:05:56.180
But the river's not dry.

823
01:05:56.220 --> 01:06:00.900
It more comes, the more it goes, we get to experience so much more of the Lord

824
01:06:00.900 --> 01:06:04.500
and spirit and life by keeping hands open.

825
01:06:05.000 --> 01:06:09.300
But if we, if we decide that we like a particular part so much and we don't

826
01:06:09.300 --> 01:06:14.960
want it to go away, we'll try to hold on to it, but the, that the painful thing

827
01:06:14.960 --> 01:06:21.380
is not only does it stop up our ability to experience more of the spirit because

828
01:06:21.840 --> 01:06:24.080
because spirit always has to continue to move.

829
01:06:24.560 --> 01:06:25.880
It can't ever be stopped.

830
01:06:25.880 --> 01:06:27.920
If it stops, it dies and there's no sin.

831
01:06:27.980 --> 01:06:32.640
And then, so, so anyway, in order for spirit to continue to be spirit, it has

832
01:06:32.640 --> 01:06:37.040
to allow, to be, it has to be, has to be allowed to continually move.

833
01:06:37.520 --> 01:06:40.840
So anyway, we have to, we have to continue to keep our hands open.

834
01:06:40.840 --> 01:06:44.640
So if we stop, if we try to stop it by holding on to something that

835
01:06:44.640 --> 01:06:49.520
we don't want it to change, we have to realize that it becomes in a manner of

836
01:06:49.520 --> 01:06:54.980
speaking, it's, it's no longer spirit and it dies and therefore we don't even

837
01:06:54.980 --> 01:07:00.460
get to have any more, what it is that we didn't want to lose because we

838
01:07:00.460 --> 01:07:01.940
grabbed a hold of it and stopped it.

839
01:07:01.940 --> 01:07:05.980
And then just like water, you know, you grab a hold of it and then it's

840
01:07:05.980 --> 01:07:08.980
eventually, you know, when you, you know, grab a hold of the water and

841
01:07:08.980 --> 01:07:13.180
take your, your hands out of the river, it eventually all washes out of your

842
01:07:13.180 --> 01:07:16.460
hands and then the rest of it, just in the rest of the water evaporates.

843
01:07:16.820 --> 01:07:17.920
So you lose it anyway.

844
01:07:17.980 --> 01:07:20.220
So you literally cannot hold on to it.

845
01:07:20.220 --> 01:07:22.300
It's like what Jim Elliott said.

846
01:07:22.300 --> 01:07:25.660
He said, wise or blessed is the man.

847
01:07:25.660 --> 01:07:28.660
I don't remember how he worded it that gives up what he cannot

848
01:07:28.660 --> 01:07:30.580
keep to gain what he cannot lose.

849
01:07:30.940 --> 01:07:32.700
We can't keep it anyway.

850
01:07:33.340 --> 01:07:37.380
So we have to just continue to keep our hands open and God will just

851
01:07:37.380 --> 01:07:40.140
allow things to come into our lives and out of our lives and into

852
01:07:40.140 --> 01:07:41.260
our lives and out of our lives.

853
01:07:41.640 --> 01:07:48.000
We literally will experience so much more of eternity and life and life

854
01:07:48.000 --> 01:07:52.840
in our physical lives and in our soul and our spirit, we don't claim things.

855
01:07:54.440 --> 01:07:59.240
So, but anyway, the thing is that when God gives us promises, it's just

856
01:07:59.240 --> 01:08:04.840
to help us focus more on the one it's to tell us something and reveal to

857
01:08:04.840 --> 01:08:11.200
us more about the promisor than the promise, the focus is not ever supposed

858
01:08:11.200 --> 01:08:14.740
to be the promise it's always supposed to be what the promise is trying to

859
01:08:14.740 --> 01:08:19.100
commute, what God is trying to communicate and giving the promise about himself.

860
01:08:19.979 --> 01:08:22.500
So we, so we hear what he's trying to say.

861
01:08:22.500 --> 01:08:24.740
He's trying to say something about himself.

862
01:08:25.340 --> 01:08:28.979
He's not trying to tell us, oh, here's this promise.

863
01:08:29.020 --> 01:08:32.700
Take my, take your eyes off of me and do something about this promise.

864
01:08:32.979 --> 01:08:34.899
It was like, no, no, no, this is coming.

865
01:08:35.180 --> 01:08:37.340
You can, you know, you can get excited about it.

866
01:08:37.340 --> 01:08:38.180
You'd be hopeful.

867
01:08:38.200 --> 01:08:44.200
You'd be expectant because it's who I am trying to communicate

868
01:08:44.200 --> 01:08:45.640
something about myself to you.

869
01:08:46.080 --> 01:08:47.760
So have faith in that.

870
01:08:47.760 --> 01:08:49.200
So that's what we're supposed to have faith in.

871
01:08:49.200 --> 01:08:51.740
So when it says that we're supposed to have promises, you know, in faith and

872
01:08:51.740 --> 01:08:55.800
whatever, uh, that we're supposed to have faith and promises, it's not the promise.

873
01:08:55.800 --> 01:09:00.920
It's not the manifestation that we're supposed to have faith in it's in who made

874
01:09:00.920 --> 01:09:09.260
the promise that's where we're supposed to anchor our faith is that God is and

875
01:09:09.260 --> 01:09:14.420
will continue to manifest himself, to be who he is, to the degree he says he is

876
01:09:14.420 --> 01:09:21.819
that not that he will do what he said he will do, but that he is who he says that

877
01:09:21.819 --> 01:09:24.420
he is, that is what we have faith in.

878
01:09:25.660 --> 01:09:27.700
Now, obviously he's going to do what he says that we will do.

879
01:09:27.720 --> 01:09:31.840
But the reason I kind of like divide those is because we tend to then focus on

880
01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:34.920
the promise, like, Oh Lord, you said that you're going to do this.

881
01:09:34.920 --> 01:09:36.399
Why aren't you doing it?

882
01:09:36.939 --> 01:09:40.560
And God says, no, no, have faith that I am who, who I say that I am to the

883
01:09:40.560 --> 01:09:46.080
degree I say that I am that, and then I, and then me being who I am, I will

884
01:09:46.080 --> 01:09:48.560
manifest that that's what we focus on.

885
01:09:49.040 --> 01:09:52.240
Um, but not focusing on that is where all the pain comes in.

886
01:09:52.279 --> 01:09:55.720
I know this from personal experience and God, I was holding something before the

887
01:09:55.720 --> 01:09:59.980
Lord for two years that he, that I thought.

888
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.800
But I had more confirmation that I had literally ever had a confirmation in my

889
01:10:04.800 --> 01:10:09.000
life. I've never had so much confirmation. I was like, God, I thought you said this.

890
01:10:09.400 --> 01:10:14.280
And, and he, I took it before him and, and, and I started giving up all of these

891
01:10:14.280 --> 01:10:17.480
things related to it. And finally, you know, the last thing that he told me to

892
01:10:17.480 --> 01:10:21.720
give up, he said, Ashley, give up the promise that I, that you say that you

893
01:10:21.720 --> 01:10:25.600
believe that I made to you. In fact, the way he worded it, I think, or the way

894
01:10:25.600 --> 01:10:30.560
that I heard it, I could have heard him wrong was give up the promise that, that,

895
01:10:30.560 --> 01:10:34.840
um, that you believe that I made to you, that that thing was going to happen.

896
01:10:35.360 --> 01:10:38.760
I was like, yeah, but God, I thought that's what I was supposed to not ever

897
01:10:38.760 --> 01:10:44.840
give up. In other words, that I was, that that was that, um, that, that was

898
01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:48.880
mean, like not believing you. It's like, no, you're holding onto it. You're

899
01:10:48.880 --> 01:10:52.680
claiming it and you're holding it an accusation against me. He was like, you

900
01:10:52.800 --> 01:10:57.040
still believe me. You can, you can still believe that I'll accomplish whatever it

901
01:10:57.040 --> 01:11:03.320
is that I want to accomplish, but give up your right to that promise. He's like,

902
01:11:03.360 --> 01:11:04.960
I didn't give it to you to claim.

903
01:11:06.880 --> 01:11:09.880
Well, he didn't word that to me, but I've learned since that. Yeah. Yeah.

904
01:11:10.680 --> 01:11:16.360
I didn't give it to you to claim as yours. I spoke that into existence and I,

905
01:11:16.440 --> 01:11:19.920
and I need, and then that needs to happen, but you need to have your hands

906
01:11:19.920 --> 01:11:25.600
out and then you get to experience it. I didn't declare the promise in order for

907
01:11:25.600 --> 01:11:31.600
you to claim it as yours. So it's like, oh my word, how fascinating. So anyway.

908
01:11:34.200 --> 01:11:40.120
Yeah. So hopefully that'll help. But like I said, if you, oh, wow, we're past

909
01:11:40.120 --> 01:11:48.400
time that, um, uh, that. So, you know, um, you can, you can focus on things like

910
01:11:48.400 --> 01:11:52.120
that, about like, you know, things that you are and release different things. So

911
01:11:52.120 --> 01:11:56.960
Lord, you know, about like promises and et cetera, you know, and, um, and then

912
01:11:56.960 --> 01:12:06.560
also just remember that it's, that really what everything comes down to is

913
01:12:06.560 --> 01:12:15.920
completely changing our approach to life because we're choosing God and who he is

914
01:12:15.960 --> 01:12:21.720
without knowing yet who he is. Y'all know what the Bible says, the Bible says he's

915
01:12:21.720 --> 01:12:26.480
this also sees that. And then that still doesn't help us to believe it. Our lives

916
01:12:26.480 --> 01:12:29.360
are manifesting the fact that we just don't believe it. We still struggle believing

917
01:12:29.360 --> 01:12:32.240
that God loves us. It's still trouble believing God's good, you know, and

918
01:12:32.240 --> 01:12:36.280
whatever. So we just release all of that. And we're like, okay, God, you, as a

919
01:12:36.280 --> 01:12:42.560
being, I ask that you reveal to me who it is that you are. And I choose you being

920
01:12:42.560 --> 01:12:49.440
who you are into my life. And I release my life looking any particular way. And

921
01:12:49.440 --> 01:12:54.440
you have to make that willful and really deep down at the root of your existence

922
01:12:54.760 --> 01:13:03.600
choice that, um, that, that, that, that you choose him over a lifestyle and him

923
01:13:03.960 --> 01:13:11.360
over how he manifests himself. And then that is literally the foundation and the

924
01:13:11.360 --> 01:13:17.840
root of everything else. And then it's then, after making that kind of a

925
01:13:17.840 --> 01:13:21.280
decision, and that kind of switch, because it's like changing the flow, it's

926
01:13:21.280 --> 01:13:23.720
instead, instead of working counterclockwise, you're now working

927
01:13:23.720 --> 01:13:31.600
clockwise. When you finally do that, then it's from that point that, that people

928
01:13:31.600 --> 01:13:35.440
can finally start talking about and addressing things like, okay, what about

929
01:13:35.480 --> 01:13:40.960
how to do this in this area and how to apply faith in this area, etc. But to try

930
01:13:41.040 --> 01:13:48.520
to handle the these, these surface level, more surface level issues when the root

931
01:13:48.560 --> 01:13:56.040
issue is still operating and that there's not the word operating system in

932
01:13:56.040 --> 01:14:01.840
place, the other won't work. And it can feel like you're always fighting

933
01:14:01.840 --> 01:14:08.640
yourself. Yeah, everything's always hard. The operating system that's fueling all

934
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:13.600
of those things is still the old operating system. So it really is letting

935
01:14:13.600 --> 01:14:18.080
all of this go, which feels terrifying, because it feels like if we let it go,

936
01:14:18.080 --> 01:14:20.160
then it's not going to happen. Because that's what we were taught in school.

937
01:14:20.160 --> 01:14:22.800
That's what we were taught by family. That's what we were taught by church. If

938
01:14:22.800 --> 01:14:26.600
you let these things go, including if you let a promise of God go, well, then

939
01:14:26.600 --> 01:14:29.120
you know that something he spoke over you, well, then it's not going to happen.

940
01:14:29.120 --> 01:14:32.280
Because the only way it's going to happen is God says, you need to continue

941
01:14:32.280 --> 01:14:36.760
to hold it before me and contend for it and whatever it's focused. Anyway, God

942
01:14:36.760 --> 01:14:40.520
says, No, I want you to choose me, I will accomplish the thing that you choose

943
01:14:40.520 --> 01:14:46.320
me. So anyway, but if you change the operating system, you will have what you

944
01:14:46.320 --> 01:14:51.200
need for everything else to start flowing out of, of that new operating

945
01:14:51.200 --> 01:14:56.120
system. And that is how we live life effortlessly. Because you're changing,

946
01:14:56.280 --> 01:14:59.960
you're changing your operating system so that it's relying on God.

947
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.000
And focus completely on like Hebrews 11, six says, seeking him, not his

948
01:15:06.000 --> 01:15:11.960
manifestation, not his promises, not his, the fulfillment of what he said was

949
01:15:11.960 --> 01:15:14.120
going to happen, but you seek him.

950
01:15:14.400 --> 01:15:16.760
And then from him, everything else is going to flow.

951
01:15:17.360 --> 01:15:20.040
So does that make sense?

952
01:15:20.280 --> 01:15:20.840
Yes.

953
01:15:21.160 --> 01:15:21.400
Okay.

954
01:15:21.400 --> 01:15:22.280
That's really good.

955
01:15:22.680 --> 01:15:23.040
Yeah.

956
01:15:24.040 --> 01:15:24.720
Very good.

957
01:15:25.040 --> 01:15:25.520
Yeah.

958
01:15:25.520 --> 01:15:31.400
So I promise you choosing him at root levels and you just seek him and you ask

959
01:15:31.400 --> 01:15:33.160
him, okay, God, how do I choose you?

960
01:15:33.160 --> 01:15:34.120
Who you are?

961
01:15:34.120 --> 01:15:38.240
How did I, because I've explained to you in the best way that I could think of, you

962
01:15:38.240 --> 01:15:41.880
know, at this time, how to articulate what it is that I had to do.

963
01:15:42.560 --> 01:15:46.280
So you just asked the Lord personally between the two of you, how to do that

964
01:15:46.560 --> 01:15:51.640
and how I teach you and then, and, um, and that's the, that's that, like I said,

965
01:15:51.640 --> 01:15:56.760
that focal point on which everything else shifts, it completely changes the

966
01:15:56.760 --> 01:15:59.360
flow from counterclockwise to clockwise.

967
01:16:01.080 --> 01:16:05.400
But that root level is choosing him continually instead of the promise,

968
01:16:05.400 --> 01:16:08.560
instead of the healing, instead of the, whatever, still do all of the other

969
01:16:08.560 --> 01:16:12.320
stuff, you need to go to the clinic, still do the, whatever, et cetera, because

970
01:16:12.320 --> 01:16:17.560
right now you're not, you're not trying to figure that part out between you and

971
01:16:17.560 --> 01:16:21.400
the Lord right now, you're going down to the deep root from which everything

972
01:16:21.400 --> 01:16:22.160
else flows.

973
01:16:23.040 --> 01:16:24.920
So, yeah.

974
01:16:24.920 --> 01:16:27.600
And then the other will be addressed later.

975
01:16:27.720 --> 01:16:27.880
Yeah.

976
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:29.280
Yeah.

977
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:30.800
So was that helpful?

978
01:16:30.920 --> 01:16:32.400
Yeah, very helpful.

979
01:16:32.440 --> 01:16:33.440
I have, yeah, yeah, yeah.

980
01:16:33.440 --> 01:16:34.560
That was very helpful.

981
01:16:34.960 --> 01:16:35.440
Okay.

982
01:16:35.600 --> 01:16:36.080
Yeah.

983
01:16:36.480 --> 01:16:39.200
And just like, that's actually what it is.

984
01:16:39.240 --> 01:16:40.800
Not believing God is good.

985
01:16:41.280 --> 01:16:48.240
Not believing that he loves me actually at some time, believing that he's evil,

986
01:16:48.240 --> 01:16:55.440
that he hates me because of what you've experienced and kind of just to like the

987
01:16:55.440 --> 01:16:56.720
whole operating system.

988
01:16:56.720 --> 01:17:00.240
So of course on that, I am a perfect church girl.

989
01:17:00.280 --> 01:17:04.280
So you do all these things, the right things and obedience and all these things

990
01:17:04.280 --> 01:17:10.200
on there, but there's something deep down that just, yeah, the foundation.

991
01:17:10.240 --> 01:17:10.480
Yeah.

992
01:17:10.480 --> 01:17:11.000
Like, yeah.

993
01:17:11.000 --> 01:17:13.280
Like the clockwork, like you're saying.

994
01:17:13.280 --> 01:17:17.800
So that means that, so when it's still there, even though I obey God, I do all

995
01:17:17.800 --> 01:17:25.760
these right things and I follow the Bible, blah, blah, blah, still when I get really

996
01:17:25.760 --> 01:17:31.560
honest or life hits me or things doesn't happen, or I continue in pain, that's what

997
01:17:31.560 --> 01:17:31.960
comes up.

998
01:17:31.960 --> 01:17:32.880
And I'm like, what?

999
01:17:33.040 --> 01:17:34.480
I don't believe you're evil.

1000
01:17:34.880 --> 01:17:35.680
I love you.

1001
01:17:36.080 --> 01:17:38.640
Well, I don't, of course you're not like this.

1002
01:17:38.640 --> 01:17:41.080
The Bible tells me, but then still it comes up.

1003
01:17:41.080 --> 01:17:43.680
It's like, am I, is this a different person?

1004
01:17:43.920 --> 01:17:44.440
I know.

1005
01:17:44.720 --> 01:17:45.120
I know.

1006
01:17:45.360 --> 01:17:50.120
It feels like, like this inside gut of you saying something and you're like, well,

1007
01:17:50.120 --> 01:17:53.080
that's not the way I live, but it's still there.

1008
01:17:53.440 --> 01:17:59.080
And then you end up in living in pain and you're living in strife and life is hard.

1009
01:17:59.080 --> 01:18:00.920
And yeah.

1010
01:18:01.200 --> 01:18:05.560
So the, so that's what all of this is all about.

1011
01:18:05.560 --> 01:18:09.720
You know, this program is about, or whatever it's getting down to the real thing of

1012
01:18:09.720 --> 01:18:14.160
what it is we really believe we all know what we should believe, but getting down

1013
01:18:14.160 --> 01:18:21.520
to the thing that getting down to actually making an intentional willful choice that

1014
01:18:21.520 --> 01:18:25.960
God is who he says that he is and revolving are focusing ourselves on it and revolving

1015
01:18:25.960 --> 01:18:28.560
our entire life around that focal point.

1016
01:18:29.120 --> 01:18:34.240
And so it's going down to that deep thing, because that is the real deep well from

1017
01:18:34.240 --> 01:18:39.240
which, um, from which we act, cause we always, always, always, always, always act

1018
01:18:39.240 --> 01:18:46.520
on what we truly believe whether or not we know what it is that we believe we always

1019
01:18:46.520 --> 01:18:49.800
act on it, whether or not we're conscious of it.

1020
01:18:50.080 --> 01:18:56.120
And, um, it just as an example, really quick before we go that, that, that, uh,

1021
01:18:56.160 --> 01:18:59.760
there's a, uh, someone worded it this way.

1022
01:19:00.000 --> 01:19:06.120
They said, belief is believing that, you know, that a tight rope walker can walk

1023
01:19:06.120 --> 01:19:12.120
someone across Niagara falls on a rope in a wheelbarrow belief is believing that,

1024
01:19:12.160 --> 01:19:13.120
Oh yeah, I know.

1025
01:19:13.200 --> 01:19:14.680
I, I know somebody can do that.

1026
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:16.080
I know he's really good.

1027
01:19:16.080 --> 01:19:17.560
I've watched him do it before.

1028
01:19:17.560 --> 01:19:18.560
I know we can do it.

1029
01:19:19.000 --> 01:19:19.840
That's belief.

1030
01:19:19.880 --> 01:19:25.480
Trust is getting in the wheelbarrow being, and, you know, going to cry and, and being

1031
01:19:25.560 --> 01:19:31.800
allowed to, or, you know, being, allowing them to take you across, but rest and

1032
01:19:31.800 --> 01:19:37.560
faith is sleeping in the wheelbarrow as you go across.

1033
01:19:39.040 --> 01:19:39.320
Yeah.

1034
01:19:39.320 --> 01:19:45.160
So we can say that we believe something, all that we want, but if we're not acting

1035
01:19:45.160 --> 01:19:46.440
on it, we don't believe it.

1036
01:19:47.560 --> 01:19:48.000
Yeah.

1037
01:19:48.520 --> 01:19:53.840
So ultimately, and so it's getting down to that real true root of what it is.

1038
01:19:53.960 --> 01:19:55.440
What do we truly believe?

1039
01:19:55.480 --> 01:19:58.480
Because that is determining all of our actions.

1040
01:19:59.720 --> 01:20:00.000
Not.

1041
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.400
what it is that we're, whatever it is that we believe is what we're actually in reality enslaved

1042
01:20:06.400 --> 01:20:14.240
to. Is it the Lord? Is it being a bond servant or is it, you know, are we a slave to, to sin,

1043
01:20:14.240 --> 01:20:20.640
which is the slave, which means unbelief sin is unbelief. So is it, um, are we a slave to

1044
01:20:20.640 --> 01:20:27.520
unbelief, but, um, but anyway, so I hope that that's helpful. And, um, uh, so what I'm going

1045
01:20:27.520 --> 01:20:32.160
to do, I wanted to give us a bit of more foundation of like having, I know that you've

1046
01:20:32.160 --> 01:20:36.560
already watched the innerest rest foundation series, but I'm, I'm going to go ahead and open

1047
01:20:36.560 --> 01:20:42.880
more up per week so that you can have more that, that you've already gone through. And we can spend

1048
01:20:42.880 --> 01:20:49.200
more of the time, um, applying, uh, you know, talking about the application over the next few

1049
01:20:49.200 --> 01:20:54.160
weeks. Um, so I realized by how things are kind of flowing and I noticed that in the other group as

1050
01:20:54.160 --> 01:21:00.400
well, I was like, okay. So there are certain things that I want. I just changed how I, where

1051
01:21:00.400 --> 01:21:04.960
I wanted to be focusing everybody on. So I thought, okay, let's get a lot of the teaching out of the

1052
01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:12.000
way first, so that we have a lot more foundation and stuff to work with when we're talking about

1053
01:21:12.000 --> 01:21:16.480
how to apply it, because there's so many questions that people are bringing in, you know, case in

1054
01:21:16.480 --> 01:21:20.000
point you, some of the questions that you're bringing up are things I'm like, okay, well,

1055
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:23.760
yeah, we talk about that, but we don't talk about that until week five. And I'm like, okay,

1056
01:21:23.760 --> 01:21:29.120
I don't want that. I want to bring all of those teachings that sooner so that we can actually

1057
01:21:29.120 --> 01:21:35.120
have something to work with and then spend more of the time learning how to actually live those

1058
01:21:35.120 --> 01:21:40.960
things out. So, um, so anyway, I'll, I'll open up more of the teachings. Yeah. So I'll try to watch

1059
01:21:41.680 --> 01:21:48.640
at least two more until next time. Okay. Sure. Or what do you think? No, that's great. Yeah. Um,

1060
01:21:48.640 --> 01:21:55.120
I'm trying to think, uh, which one did you watch the one and two now? Okay. All right. So I'll,

1061
01:21:56.480 --> 01:22:03.920
um, I've three is up and I'll open at number four as well. Yeah. I'll watch those too. Okay.

1062
01:22:03.920 --> 01:22:08.640
All right. Well, sounds good to see. Bye.