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Oops.

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Oops.

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Hey.

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There you are.

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Yes.

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Trying to do something. Let's see.

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All right.

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That Shalom on your shirt. Yes. Shalom Shalom.

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Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah.

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Did you get it from, I got it from a Lindsay's group.

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So Lindsay and her husband have a,

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have a program called kingdom messengers.

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And teach people how to, you know, she built a podcast.

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And so they teach people how to gain followers.

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And, and then also how to,

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how to plan and present a kingdom message that they have on their

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hearts. So anyway, she,

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they have, and, and her, you remember, she started her.

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Well, I say you remember, you know,

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I didn't know if you've looked into her stuff, but she.

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Okay.

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So she's looking for a podcast.

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Oh, that's right. That's right.

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So you know that she talks about perfect peace. Well, that's.

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Shalom Shalom means it means perfect peace in Hebrew.

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And so anyway, she has,

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they have merchandise for people to be able to purchase.

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And so I got this sweatshirt.

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I got this sweatshirt.

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So.

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Yep.

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Really nice.

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Yeah.

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So how have you been?

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Well, it's been.

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It's I don't know.

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I think craziness is coming up in them.

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I'm really glad I'm going through the rest intensive.

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That I have because there's so many things going on.

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Yeah.

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And I'm so triggered in like all my wounds.

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And then I feel a lot of victory. Then I feel the feet.

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And so it's a lot of things going on. So.

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I don't know what to say.

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Some really good things are happening.

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Because remember the thing where I was going for a walk with my

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mom and dad.

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And they were giving me like a cold treatment for half an hour.

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I had no idea what was going on.

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And that actually triggered quite a bit of things in me.

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Rejection wounds and also how to.

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Learn that I could actually have rest in this and how to go through it

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in spirit, which has been like,

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so helpful to be part of the rest intensive.

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If this, when this is going on.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That we do something kind of extraordinary.

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Usually when you speak in church, you tell testimonies like, oh,

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my life was so hard.

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But then now it's so good because Jesus did this and this.

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So she said,

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what if we just invite the whole church into what you're going,

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what we're going through right now.

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And just invite them to be a part of it and see it,

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And so we did that.

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And we both felt great about it.

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And we both felt peace. And the pastor was like,

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that is such a gift to the church.

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If you can actually stand there in your brokenness.

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In the middle of it.

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Feeling rejected and triggered and everywhere.

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And just like, but still committed to each other.

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Still.

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Doing it the kingdom way.

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Yeah.

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And it was so powerful.

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I mean,

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I did on Sunday and of course it was really challenging before.

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And you're like sick to the stomach, what's going to happen?

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And how is this going to be like,

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And then it ended up being so powerful.

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Like so powerful.

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People were so touched and so moved.

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And so convicted.

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Yeah.

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And I was like, I need to go and deal with these things in my life.

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And I need to swallow, go home and just ponder this message.

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It just really hit me. And we didn't teach anything.

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We didn't tell you to do this and this and this.

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We just share our own journey and how we have.

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And where we were at and the whole story of.

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What happened between us.

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So.

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Yeah.

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It was so powerful to bring.

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Fruit in the church and.

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The pastor and his wife.

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Was really.

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on a kind of display so you can teach by living not just by teaching. Yeah exactly. So what

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happened of course there came a backlash so one of the people in the church who is from a different

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culture and his English is a little bit broken because we did this in English because my friend

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is from another country so we did it in English but his English is not that great so

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he didn't really understand what we were doing. He didn't understand that we had forgiven each

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other so he in a group message with the pastor and his wife and several of the leaders and some

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of us from the congregation where we have a chat where we encourage each other pray for each other

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come with prayer requests blah blah and then he just kind of rebuked us in the chat.

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Rebuked for what? For not having like you should forgive each other you should not focus on

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yourself and remember I still love you kind of even if you did this and I think like we were

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all like really shocked and of course and it just hits your emotion and you feel condemnation what

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if this is what people are thinking and you have already told everyone your deepest wounds and

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you've been really open and broken and then afterwards you're feeling I don't know it's

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you're really open and very vulnerable so but then but I kind of so I think it hit my emotions

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but then I was like okay I think I think I was able to walk through it and rest and to have

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peace about okay what am I going to do in this I feel hurt now and I feel also you know embarrassed

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in front of the whole like the whole leadership is in that group and no one was saying anything

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Norway is a very non-confrontational culture so what people do is that they get stressed and they

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say nothing so then you're just kind of like left there to dry but I was but I was able to just

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look on the situation with a lot of grace and just like not condemn people for not speaking up

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and to think okay he's young in faith he's just been a Christian three years and he didn't

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understand the message and then I thought what is the right thing to do the right thing is to

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not to do what he did confront in a message but to call him and like one-on-one and deal with it

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one-on-one so I called him and I told him how it felt like and also asked him what did you mean

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and how did what did you intend to display doing this and it was clearly that he misunderstood

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and everything and but he wasn't really understanding his part of it so we made a lot

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of excuses which made it harder because if he would have been like just like oh that was a mistake

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I'm sorry then that would have been easy to just you just but then that didn't come like

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clarity and release in the relationship because in my opinion he wasn't willing to see that he actually

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did something wrong and kind of rebuking us in that way without actually talking to us

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so I thought that this can lead me like but I think I've been able to keep

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peace but it happened yesterday Sunday and yesterday so it's like really fresh

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but I and today I just spent time just okay and there's a lot of other things going on at my work

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and different things it's just like one of maybe three or four big things so what you've taught us

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what you've taught us is like now you can go in and micromanage everything and look at everything

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he said you said blah blah but you can also just bypass it so I was like just spend time today just

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I choose union with you I can be about my father's business and I can let myself be loved in this

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and you love him and you love the pastors those that didn't maybe should have spoken up you love

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him you love me you are a god full of grace you have so much mercy on us and then I was

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very able to like calm down and just receive his love and also the love for the people involved so

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I wouldn't go and like blame and and just like okay this relationship is not solved but I have

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spoken of what I believe is true and I can't change him I can't there's nothing like I can't

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convict him or make him feel differently it's like he has to go his own way with this

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and make his own choices so kind of like not take responsibility for

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for what's his responsibility in this.

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So but it's been intense.

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And also what happened is that I called the pastor's wife

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and just shared how I was feeling.

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And she said, you were totally left out to dry.

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And what he said was so uncalled for and so wrong.

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And I actually feel like the pastors and the leaders

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should step up on this because he actually rebuked you

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in front of everyone.

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And she's like, that's just so Norwegian, not to protect.

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But then I was thinking, but I am protected.

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Even though I didn't feel protected, I actually am.

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I was like, remember that.

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And so then she talked to her husband

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and she said like, this is so wrong.

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So actually he ended up,

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he didn't confront the person in the chat,

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but he wrote a quite a long affirmation to me and the girl,

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just telling us like how much this meant to the church

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and how he could see so much love and fruit through it.

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And just kind of affirmed us,

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kind of showing this guy and the others

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that he believes that what we're doing in it,

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that he thought that it was like a good thing.

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So that was kind of a protection.

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But the cool thing is that I kind of in a way

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felt protected before that.

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Good, that's wonderful.

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Like I didn't need, it's not like,

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oh, that's great that the pastor does that,

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but I actually don't need it.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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I am protected.

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Look at you, that's amazing.

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Yeah.

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Huge.

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So even though it's been hard, some of it and emotional,

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and it's not like now I feel at peace

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because I know I just spent like an hour with God

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and it's not like I've been peaceful the whole time.

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Yeah.

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I still feel like I've gone through it fairly in rest

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and I haven't like acted just out of my emotions

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or out of my flesh.

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Like I don't know if I've said all the right things

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at all times, I don't think I have, but.

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We're just learning.

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But I'm learning, but I think for the most part,

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I've responded in love.

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I'm sure you did, that's wonderful.

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Yeah, isn't it cool?

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I'm so excited for you, it's huge.

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That's great.

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And I think a big thing for me is the thing with protection

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that a lot of times I feel unprotected

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and that's when I start acting in my flesh also

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because you feel fear and I need to protect myself.

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I need to, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Oh yeah, exactly.

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Yeah.

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It sounds like you did wonderful.

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I'm so excited for you.

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You chose the Lord, you chose just who you were in him,

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you chose to have faith, you chose that,

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to receive his protection instead of trying

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to seek it from the pastor or from yourself.

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So that's huge.

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That's wonderful.

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God just wants to, you know, he wants to be chosen.

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So he wants to be the thing that we choose,

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his protection, his love, his safety, his goodness,

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his, you know, love.

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So I think I already said that, anyway.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Good.

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So that was one of the good things, but also,

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but I think, so there hasn't been a lot of good things

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the last week like this, but I think I'm,

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and it's so good, like we talked last time,

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just to, when you feel like I can't swallow all of this

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or I'm not getting all of it,

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just come back to the first message of love and goodness.

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That's been really helpful

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because I always want to be further than I am.

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And when I realized that I'm not there,

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I start like stressing out instead of just like,

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okay, I'm actually not there.

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It's okay.

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And just, okay, just receive love.

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Even go back to just like the first step,

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just union with Christ, love.

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And, but I think I have struggled

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and I feel I have quite a few things that aren't,

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that has come up this week that aren't resolved.

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And one of them is the thing with not feeling protected

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because the problems in my classroom has continued.

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And this Monday,

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I'm so glad to see you have your coffee there.

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Yes, I do.

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Yes.

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That's so nice.

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Yeah.

253
00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:42.480
So I feel like the pupils have,

254
00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:47.800
especially in one class have continued to be rude to me,

255
00:14:47.800 --> 00:14:50.080
the guy that was rude last week

256
00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:52.360
and totally disrespecting me.

257
00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:55.920
And I've been thinking about, you know, he's a child.

258
00:14:55.920 --> 00:14:57.360
So it's not like,

259
00:14:57.360 --> 00:14:59.760
it's not the same story as you with your.

260
00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:04.080
peer where you're both leaders in the same company because this is children.

261
00:15:05.280 --> 00:15:13.360
So I thought about that but I really don't know what to do because I feel like I'm losing this

262
00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:20.400
child and what I did I was trying to love him like I have two double classes 60 hour 60 minutes

263
00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:24.000
and the first class I kind of

264
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:32.400
just try to affirm him try to not like notice his bad behavior he was yawning he was being

265
00:15:32.400 --> 00:15:39.520
disrespectful he was really slowing being slow to do what I said kind of and I don't know if

266
00:15:39.520 --> 00:15:45.600
he's doing it to provoke me or if he's mad at me or what's going on so and at the end of the class

267
00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:51.200
I felt like worn out and I thought I'm gonna I need to talk to him so I talked to him and I sent

268
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:56.400
the others out and I don't think he liked it because he can't it kind of shows the others

269
00:15:56.400 --> 00:16:04.960
it's it might feel like now I have a problem with the teacher and everyone knew so he's from a

270
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:11.280
society where it's a lot of like high class he's from east european country where when the teacher

271
00:16:11.280 --> 00:16:16.640
needs to talk to you it's not because you need to you have a normal exchange it's because you need

272
00:16:16.640 --> 00:16:22.240
to be disciplined so he could have seen it as a huge punishment that I needed to talk to him in

273
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:27.920
front of everyone else and I knew that was a risk because I'm aware of his cultural background and

274
00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:33.680
how he views teachers but it was escalating so much and I was being feeling so threatened

275
00:16:33.680 --> 00:16:39.680
even though I was telling myself you can have rest you can have peace but still I was starting

276
00:16:39.680 --> 00:16:45.120
to feel so unprotected and also I was feeling like it was going to escalate so I talked to him

277
00:16:45.680 --> 00:16:52.320
and he was just going into defense mode I didn't do that I didn't yawn I'm not mad at you I was

278
00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:57.760
trying and I felt like I wasn't coming at him I was asking questions but also saying that some

279
00:16:57.760 --> 00:17:03.520
things aren't acceptable in class and I asked why would you ask that question that to me sounds like

280
00:17:03.520 --> 00:17:10.319
very rude like you're trying to get me no that wasn't rude and I told so I told and then I said

281
00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:15.520
well I told you that you and another girl needed to be quiet and continue working and you said why

282
00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:20.720
and then why would you say that he's like I just wanted to know and then I said but I explained to

283
00:17:20.720 --> 00:17:27.200
you that I as a teacher don't have to explain to you why I'm telling all these things so I was

284
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:33.040
giving him examples of where he had been rude and questioning my authority again and again but he

285
00:17:33.040 --> 00:17:38.080
wasn't getting it at all and he was just like can I go can I go so he was just being even more

286
00:17:38.080 --> 00:17:45.440
disrespectful in the talk and then in the next 60 minutes of course he didn't he didn't

287
00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:52.720
come blatantly out but he of course yawned maybe 20 times yeah kind of as um I don't know if it was

288
00:17:52.720 --> 00:17:57.440
a yeah what is that it's a let me tell you that I don't care about what you said like I know I can't

289
00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:04.080
be super disrespectful because you said passive aggressive yes yeah yeah so kind of like just

290
00:18:04.080 --> 00:18:09.840
yawning and what he could get away with that yeah just under the radar so that you wouldn't

291
00:18:09.840 --> 00:18:17.680
call him forward but he could still do everything yeah yeah and I'm like I afterwards I was thinking

292
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:23.920
and I already struggle with motivation at work because I did bachelor in Chinese and I'm just

293
00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:29.760
starting to learn the language and I was going to go for exchange to China or Taiwan and then China's

294
00:18:29.760 --> 00:18:35.040
closed and I didn't feel ready to go to either China or Taiwan and go on exchange so I decided

295
00:18:35.040 --> 00:18:41.920
to be a teacher for a year in Chinese but I kind of feel like I should have been somewhere else in

296
00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:47.600
my life like I should be on exchange I should be learning this language and I quit as a teacher

297
00:18:48.560 --> 00:18:53.600
nine years ago I was seven years a teacher and then I thought I'm going to get burnt out in this

298
00:18:53.600 --> 00:19:00.160
job I'm going to need a new profession so I did a master's degree and changed profession into

299
00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:06.880
something else so then for nine years or after my master's I did another type of job another

300
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:13.680
profession for five six years no not five six years four years or five years then and and so

301
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:20.240
actually it feels like stepping backwards for me going a step backwards I'm back to being a teacher

302
00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:25.360
a job that I kind of left and I should have been in China or I should have been somewhere else

303
00:19:26.080 --> 00:19:32.480
so I struggle a lot with motivation and when these things happen I just want to quit and I just want

304
00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:39.360
to give up on them and I so it's like part of it is motivation and the other part is like I don't

305
00:19:39.360 --> 00:19:45.280
actually don't know what to do and I feel threatened and I was thinking afterwards what is going on

306
00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:49.600
Jesus because I was asking the spirit through the class like what am I going to do how I'm going to

307
00:19:49.600 --> 00:19:59.840
act I don't know and then towards the end of the class I realized it dawned on me you feel threatened

308
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.760
Like, and then I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm insecure.

309
00:20:03.800 --> 00:20:04.520
That's what it is.

310
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:05.880
This is my insecurity.

311
00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:11.480
I feel threatened and that's why I can stay in it for this long.

312
00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:12.800
And then it's too hard.

313
00:20:12.800 --> 00:20:14.000
And then I need to control it.

314
00:20:14.120 --> 00:20:18.000
Like talk to him, stop him, call his parents or do something like that.

315
00:20:19.080 --> 00:20:22.680
But then, so then I thought, well, what if I do what Ashley did and

316
00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:24.560
just love him and don't address it.

317
00:20:25.120 --> 00:20:29.520
But then this is a child and there are other students involved.

318
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:32.400
And then I'm like, what is my soul?

319
00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:35.120
If I don't know what to do, where does my soul feel peace?

320
00:20:35.720 --> 00:20:41.160
And my soul thing feels peace more in disciplining.

321
00:20:41.320 --> 00:20:45.680
But again, that's also my pattern, but that's how I always, because I have

322
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:47.600
a reputation of making classes work.

323
00:20:48.320 --> 00:20:53.960
And I've been, I think I've been very loving and very firm and those

324
00:20:53.960 --> 00:20:55.520
two things have always worked for me.

325
00:20:55.520 --> 00:20:58.400
So I've never struggled much with disciplining children.

326
00:20:59.080 --> 00:21:02.280
But now love doesn't work and disciplining doesn't work.

327
00:21:02.800 --> 00:21:05.760
And my default, if I've struggled with classes before has always

328
00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:07.320
been more love, more discipline.

329
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:12.760
And my soul would find rest in disciplining and I would call them down.

330
00:21:12.760 --> 00:21:14.080
I would talk to their parents.

331
00:21:14.080 --> 00:21:15.800
I would set new boundaries and rules.

332
00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:19.160
And then I made it work again because I loved them at the same time.

333
00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:21.080
So they didn't, they didn't feel it.

334
00:21:21.080 --> 00:21:25.080
Like it was a cold claw, just like telling them all these rules, but

335
00:21:25.720 --> 00:21:31.400
because they felt my love in it, they were willing to, to abide to

336
00:21:31.400 --> 00:21:33.200
the loss that I set for them.

337
00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:38.360
And that's how I worked as a teacher for seven years and now it doesn't work.

338
00:21:39.560 --> 00:21:46.480
And my soul finds rest in disciplining, but I am in a different position

339
00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:49.640
because I used to be in a position of being the contact teacher, very

340
00:21:49.640 --> 00:21:53.720
closely related to their parents, but now I'm not, and I don't see them.

341
00:21:53.720 --> 00:21:55.280
And I used to have them every day.

342
00:21:55.320 --> 00:21:57.880
Now I have them maybe just once or twice a week.

343
00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:01.680
So I don't have the same relationship, the same authority in their lives.

344
00:22:02.360 --> 00:22:06.000
And also I'm wondering if there's a new way for me.

345
00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:09.960
I just don't, or if I should just go back to the old mode of disciplining.

346
00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:17.400
Well, were you doing the old mode, you know, before you

347
00:22:17.400 --> 00:22:18.520
started the rest intensive?

348
00:22:24.560 --> 00:22:25.440
And was it working?

349
00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:29.320
I did what you remember that I asked them the one time the

350
00:22:29.320 --> 00:22:30.800
whole class came against me.

351
00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:31.200
Yeah.

352
00:22:31.400 --> 00:22:32.440
The parents were on wall.

353
00:22:33.000 --> 00:22:35.440
I asked them for forgiveness.

354
00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:36.360
Oh yeah.

355
00:22:36.680 --> 00:22:38.240
And that changed the mode.

356
00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:38.880
Yeah.

357
00:22:39.000 --> 00:22:41.760
So that was not disciplining.

358
00:22:41.800 --> 00:22:46.040
I chose to just show my brokenness and ask for forgiveness.

359
00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:49.480
And that's, that's what I think the spirit wanted me to do.

360
00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:54.320
And at that point, and I felt like I was in rest and I could walk in peace, even

361
00:22:54.320 --> 00:22:59.480
if I got mail from the parents and upset children and everything, and that changed

362
00:22:59.480 --> 00:23:03.480
everything since then, that's like maybe a month or so ago, there's, there's

363
00:23:03.480 --> 00:23:05.320
been no problems like that.

364
00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:07.600
That is amazing.

365
00:23:07.600 --> 00:23:08.800
That's wonderful.

366
00:23:09.760 --> 00:23:10.720
It's been a lot better.

367
00:23:11.040 --> 00:23:11.400
Yeah.

368
00:23:11.760 --> 00:23:12.120
Yeah.

369
00:23:12.280 --> 00:23:15.760
Well, so discipline, you know, like what we were talking about the other day, it's

370
00:23:15.760 --> 00:23:17.520
not, it's not wrong.

371
00:23:17.520 --> 00:23:18.440
It's not bad.

372
00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:19.280
It's needed.

373
00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:21.800
It's just, where do we discipline from?

374
00:23:21.800 --> 00:23:25.120
Cause even God disciplines us, but what do we discipline from?

375
00:23:25.120 --> 00:23:28.920
Do we discipline from a place in which we're not threatened and that we love

376
00:23:29.280 --> 00:23:31.560
or a place where we feel threatened?

377
00:23:31.800 --> 00:23:32.680
Exactly.

378
00:23:33.080 --> 00:23:39.240
So then the thing is that it, it wouldn't be a question of, of do I

379
00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:41.800
discipline or do I not discipline?

380
00:23:42.200 --> 00:23:45.320
You know, as if like, oh, well, I need to see them as Jesus sees them.

381
00:23:45.360 --> 00:23:47.360
And therefore I don't need to discipline.

382
00:23:47.640 --> 00:23:51.160
Well, no, we can see them as Jesus sees them and still discipline, but

383
00:23:51.160 --> 00:23:55.960
it will change the tone of the discipline.

384
00:23:56.600 --> 00:23:59.320
It will change the way that we discipline.

385
00:23:59.360 --> 00:24:03.920
If we're doing it from love, seeing them as Jesus sees them, then the type of

386
00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:09.360
discipline that comes, if we feel threatened, using discipline from that

387
00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:13.520
perspective, it totally changes the, the tone of it.

388
00:24:13.520 --> 00:24:18.480
It totally changes the spirit in which the discipline is being done.

389
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:22.760
And therefore it can change how the discipline is received and

390
00:24:22.760 --> 00:24:24.200
the results of the discipline.

391
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:28.520
One is done in flesh, which leads to nothing but death.

392
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:32.080
And the other was done to the spirit, which always brings life.

393
00:24:32.360 --> 00:24:36.440
It always brings an opportunity for the person or create, you know, another

394
00:24:36.440 --> 00:24:43.320
aspect of creation, if it's not a person else to respond to the

395
00:24:43.320 --> 00:24:46.360
spirit of God, it always gives it that opportunity.

396
00:24:46.360 --> 00:24:51.520
So anyway, I just wanted to kind of throw that out there that it's not really, I

397
00:24:51.520 --> 00:24:55.880
don't see it as a question of discipline or not discipline it's maybe changing.

398
00:24:56.640 --> 00:24:59.120
The maybe changing the source of the discipline.

399
00:24:59.320 --> 00:24:59.920
So if you.

400
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.320
shift yourself into remembering who it is that you are and choosing to rest

401
00:25:04.320 --> 00:25:08.400
in the Lord, choosing that you're going to receive his protection instead

402
00:25:08.400 --> 00:25:12.560
of trying to protect yourself through discipline or trying to do that.

403
00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:16.520
And then, and then if you no longer feel threatened because you just choose

404
00:25:16.520 --> 00:25:21.260
to receive, like I said, his protection, then it will change how you discipline.

405
00:25:21.260 --> 00:25:27.180
It might change the modalities that you figure are a good way to discipline,

406
00:25:27.180 --> 00:25:31.700
like the types of things that you do to discipline, it might change that.

407
00:25:31.700 --> 00:25:34.940
It'll definitely change the spirit in which the discipline's done.

408
00:25:34.940 --> 00:25:38.060
And therefore, you know, the kids will receive it different, you know,

409
00:25:38.060 --> 00:25:40.140
that kind of thing.

410
00:25:40.140 --> 00:25:48.340
So, because when I had students, I, that I had to learn it with students

411
00:25:48.340 --> 00:25:50.420
before I learned it in the business world.

412
00:25:50.420 --> 00:25:54.700
So I had to learn it with students before I learned it with peers.

413
00:25:54.700 --> 00:25:59.500
And, and yeah, I had the kids that were like kicked out of their school

414
00:25:59.500 --> 00:26:05.260
for like attitude and rebellion and doing what it is they wanted to do.

415
00:26:05.260 --> 00:26:06.780
And then I had those kids.

416
00:26:06.780 --> 00:26:15.820
So what I, and I had to discipline them, but if I focused on the children and not

417
00:26:15.820 --> 00:26:19.500
on trying to, how would I put that?

418
00:26:19.500 --> 00:26:24.300
I was going to say, focus on the children and not focus on what,

419
00:26:24.300 --> 00:26:26.220
on them learning something.

420
00:26:26.220 --> 00:26:30.020
Now, I mean, I would focus on them learning stuff, but it's like,

421
00:26:30.020 --> 00:26:35.980
I chose the children over trying to get something done.

422
00:26:35.980 --> 00:26:39.940
And then I, it's not that I wouldn't try to get the things done.

423
00:26:39.940 --> 00:26:41.780
And it's not that they didn't get done.

424
00:26:41.780 --> 00:26:45.700
It's that I chose them over it as the higher priority.

425
00:26:45.700 --> 00:26:49.100
And then I was trying to accomplish two things at once.

426
00:26:49.100 --> 00:26:54.940
Them and getting them learning the thing, but I always chose them as more

427
00:26:54.940 --> 00:27:01.140
important and as them as the focus of learning the thing, like helping them

428
00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:04.100
and benefiting them and loving on them and helping them really

429
00:27:04.100 --> 00:27:06.060
build their self-esteem.

430
00:27:06.060 --> 00:27:14.660
So I made every priority every day to be, to be valuing the students and to be,

431
00:27:14.700 --> 00:27:20.020
how would you, that the priority of every day was the value of the students,

432
00:27:20.020 --> 00:27:22.620
how important they were as people.

433
00:27:22.620 --> 00:27:28.740
And that to be my focus in my heart and my motivation for why I went to work,

434
00:27:28.740 --> 00:27:34.660
my motivation for why we did every different project that we did, why,

435
00:27:34.660 --> 00:27:38.540
I don't know, just why we worked on specific problems, whatever,

436
00:27:38.540 --> 00:27:41.300
was always valuing the students.

437
00:27:41.300 --> 00:27:46.220
And because I saw them as who God saw them to be and how important and

438
00:27:46.220 --> 00:27:52.020
significant that they were and whatever, regardless of how they were behaving.

439
00:27:52.020 --> 00:28:00.220
And then they felt that and they would respond to me and they would change.

440
00:28:00.220 --> 00:28:02.220
And, but I could still discipline.

441
00:28:02.220 --> 00:28:06.620
In fact, they liked, as weird as it sounds, the discipline would make

442
00:28:06.620 --> 00:28:12.220
them feel safe, but I didn't really have to discipline much.

443
00:28:12.220 --> 00:28:16.700
If they once, you know, things were really established through my,

444
00:28:16.700 --> 00:28:19.300
through the way that I interacted with them,

445
00:28:19.300 --> 00:28:23.980
they could tell that I really valued them as people.

446
00:28:23.980 --> 00:28:28.900
So anyway, that helped me, but I did have one or I did have a few times.

447
00:28:28.900 --> 00:28:35.220
I remember one very specifically where my, my, my student was.

448
00:28:35.220 --> 00:28:37.060
Being very rebellious.

449
00:28:37.060 --> 00:28:42.540
He was, he was in sixth grade and he was, and he just basically,

450
00:28:42.540 --> 00:28:44.740
I was telling him he needed to do is, you know,

451
00:28:44.740 --> 00:28:47.340
I was giving him homework to do and whatever.

452
00:28:47.340 --> 00:28:49.820
And this was pretty, we were pretty new at this.

453
00:28:49.820 --> 00:28:53.500
I think that we'd only been together for maybe.

454
00:28:53.500 --> 00:28:54.700
Two weeks or something.

455
00:28:54.700 --> 00:28:56.700
It was like one or two weeks into the school year.

456
00:28:56.700 --> 00:28:58.540
So we were very new.

457
00:28:58.540 --> 00:29:03.420
And he, and I was telling him you need to do, you know,

458
00:29:03.420 --> 00:29:06.740
what his homework was and, and that.

459
00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:10.740
And, and he was giving me some pushback and I was pushing back and I'm

460
00:29:10.740 --> 00:29:12.980
like, no, this, you know, this is what you need to do.

461
00:29:12.980 --> 00:29:15.260
And did you do it by this time, et cetera.

462
00:29:15.260 --> 00:29:19.020
And then he, he said something to the effect.

463
00:29:19.020 --> 00:29:23.900
I mean, this has been like, this has been 16 years ago.

464
00:29:23.900 --> 00:29:28.300
So I'm trying to remember what he said, but something like, well,

465
00:29:28.300 --> 00:29:32.100
I don't have to obey you because you're not my parent.

466
00:29:32.100 --> 00:29:34.340
I was like, oh, I'm not having that.

467
00:29:34.340 --> 00:29:38.100
So I shut, I shut the God up.

468
00:29:38.100 --> 00:29:39.020
I shut the door.

469
00:29:39.020 --> 00:29:41.020
I came back, I sat down.

470
00:29:41.020 --> 00:29:45.500
Oh, and we had what they call in America, a come to Jesus meeting.

471
00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:50.380
And I laid out exactly how it was going to be, but I didn't,

472
00:29:50.380 --> 00:29:52.220
I didn't get onto him, like,

473
00:29:52.220 --> 00:29:55.700
and make him feel bad about who it is that he was like,

474
00:29:55.700 --> 00:30:00.020
and shame him and use shame as a way of trying to control him or change.

475
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.520
gym and change his perspective. I didn't like shame or condemn him. I was just telling him,

476
00:30:05.520 --> 00:30:11.520
Oh no, no, no. This is exactly how it is. This is who it is that I am. I know exactly who it

477
00:30:11.520 --> 00:30:16.880
is that I am. And this is how it is going to be. You know, I'm going, you know, we're going,

478
00:30:16.880 --> 00:30:21.920
you know, and, and, you know, you can do this. You are really smart. You are very intelligent.

479
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:27.680
You're going to do that, you know, but I did it from a perspective of knowing my authority.

480
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:34.720
And I was very firm. So I always call that my come to Jesus meeting. I didn't have any other

481
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:41.840
problems with him. You just had to know that I knew who I was as opposed to them, as opposed

482
00:30:41.840 --> 00:30:50.880
to me trying to gain control by making him feel small. I didn't lessen him. I just, I just revealed

483
00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:55.920
who it is that I was, that I had that authority, you know, and by the way that I talked to him,

484
00:30:55.920 --> 00:31:00.400
by the way that I conveyed myself, because I had to believe that about myself and then talk from

485
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:08.320
that perspective. And then as a, you know, and he didn't feel, but I wasn't using, see his teachers

486
00:31:08.320 --> 00:31:16.880
had always used, had always tried to shame him in order to, for them to gain leverage over him.

487
00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:21.760
They had to put him down and I wasn't going to do that. I'm like, no, no, no, this isn't,

488
00:31:22.320 --> 00:31:29.120
I'm not more important in the eyes of God than he is. I just have a particular measure of authority

489
00:31:29.120 --> 00:31:34.720
in this situation with him. I don't have this authority and what it is that he does at home,

490
00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:41.200
but I do have that authority related to what goes on at school. And so anyway, I knew that.

491
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:45.600
And then I talked to him from that perspective and I disciplined from that perspective. And then,

492
00:31:45.600 --> 00:31:54.160
so once he knew that we were good and then, and I really didn't have, I didn't have support from

493
00:31:54.160 --> 00:32:00.640
his parents. I didn't really have support even from my administration. So it was just based off

494
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:06.640
of his and my relationship alone that I had any kind of support and I would always just love on

495
00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:12.320
him. And I would always, I always interacted with him. I did this with all my students,

496
00:32:12.320 --> 00:32:17.920
interacted with them is if I expected them to do it, not like I was expecting them to not do it.

497
00:32:17.920 --> 00:32:23.120
And I was always trying to fight them to get to do it. I always, I always looked at them the way

498
00:32:23.120 --> 00:32:27.280
that Jesus would and knew that they were smart, knew that they were intelligent. So I fully

499
00:32:27.280 --> 00:32:33.600
expected them to do it. And I fully expected them to do the homework. I fully expected them to be

500
00:32:33.600 --> 00:32:44.080
able to figure out the problems to, you know, I don't know, to whatever. And, and they, because I

501
00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:51.520
actually believed it would happen. And because I believed that about them, they begin to actually

502
00:32:51.520 --> 00:32:56.880
perform at that level. Now it took them a while, but they would begin to bit because they have to

503
00:32:56.880 --> 00:33:01.600
learn it about themselves. They have to believe it and whatever. And I would have patients with

504
00:33:01.600 --> 00:33:06.960
them while they were, while they were learning, but I wasn't ever trying to convince them to

505
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:12.720
believe, to believe in themselves, convince them to please do their own work. It was all an

506
00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:19.040
expectation. It was like, no, this is how it is. It's just what we do. And, and that, that really

507
00:33:19.040 --> 00:33:25.920
helps. But again, the whole thing was I, I re just as a case in point. And the reason I'm telling

508
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:32.880
you all of this is this is how I was able to interact with them in a way that got them to

509
00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:44.240
where I kept discipline without having to discipline. Does that make sense? So that's

510
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:50.320
why I'm telling you all of this is so that I could actually give like real live examples of like

511
00:33:50.320 --> 00:33:54.160
what I'm talking about, as opposed to just kind of like it being in theory and concept. And then

512
00:33:54.160 --> 00:34:00.320
you're trying to figure out how do you, how does that apply? And, but I was going to tell you

513
00:34:00.320 --> 00:34:06.640
something. I was in the middle of trying to paint a picture of, oh, that's what it was. So for

514
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:12.800
instance, I knew the importance of memorizing poems and not just in order to convey certain

515
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:21.520
like ideas that are in the poems and kind of teach them integrity and honesty and stuff through the

516
00:34:21.520 --> 00:34:29.199
content in the poems, but also teaching them how to memorize. And so we had a really long poem that

517
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:33.679
we were going to memorize. I mean, it was very long. I don't know if you know, if by Rudyard

518
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:41.360
Kipling, but Rudyard Kipling wrote the jungle book and he wrote a poem called if, and it's like

519
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:48.400
five paragraphs, it's very long, it's like this long. And so I had the sixth grader memorize it.

520
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:53.120
And he was terrified because in his perspective, he's thinking, oh no, I'm going to fail.

521
00:34:53.679 --> 00:34:59.840
This is yet something else that I'm being presented with and I'm going to fail. And so he's.

522
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.560
said that at the beginning, he didn't say he was going to fail, but he said,

523
00:35:04.120 --> 00:35:05.600
Oh, I can't do this.

524
00:35:06.160 --> 00:35:10.560
Or I, you know, I there's, I can't, there's no way that I can

525
00:35:10.560 --> 00:35:12.520
memorize this or something like that.

526
00:35:13.140 --> 00:35:15.000
And, and I told him, I said, no, no, no.

527
00:35:15.320 --> 00:35:17.520
I'm for one thing, you're not alone.

528
00:35:18.040 --> 00:35:21.920
Said, I'm not leaving you all by yourself to, to memorize this

529
00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:23.840
thing and to figure it out.

530
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:27.000
I said, I'm going to memorize it with you while I'd already memorized it.

531
00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:29.840
And I think I told him that, but my point is that said, I'm going to do

532
00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:33.240
it with you said, and you're going to find that it's actually

533
00:35:33.240 --> 00:35:35.040
very easy to memorize things.

534
00:35:35.040 --> 00:35:37.240
I'm actually going to teach you how to memorize it.

535
00:35:37.240 --> 00:35:38.320
And it's very easy.

536
00:35:38.680 --> 00:35:40.680
All you do is you read it every day.

537
00:35:41.240 --> 00:35:44.880
And it was, you read it every day, your body, your mind automatically

538
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:48.400
starts memorizing it without you having to work really hard at it.

539
00:35:50.680 --> 00:35:55.120
And, um, so anyway, and then I also, and then the fact that I wasn't leaving

540
00:35:55.120 --> 00:35:59.640
him alone to have to learn something and to perform at a specific level in

541
00:35:59.640 --> 00:36:01.800
the class, I was doing it with them.

542
00:36:01.800 --> 00:36:02.880
I was there to help them.

543
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:05.960
I wasn't like, cause I thought, well, how does, well, I didn't

544
00:36:05.960 --> 00:36:07.600
see it like this back then.

545
00:36:07.600 --> 00:36:11.040
But now I look on it and I'm like, how does God teach us?

546
00:36:12.120 --> 00:36:15.200
He teaches us in a very loving way and he doesn't abandon us

547
00:36:15.200 --> 00:36:16.560
and leave us alone to learn it.

548
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:20.680
He teaches us, he doesn't expect us to know how to do it.

549
00:36:21.160 --> 00:36:22.320
We've never done it before.

550
00:36:22.600 --> 00:36:28.480
So anyway, um, and then by the end of, I don't know, maybe a month,

551
00:36:28.680 --> 00:36:33.400
he'd had it memorized and he told me, he said, so he memorized

552
00:36:33.400 --> 00:36:34.600
it and he said it from memory.

553
00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:37.360
Cause I said, okay, we're going to put the book down and we're going to,

554
00:36:37.680 --> 00:36:40.080
you know, we'd been working on putting the book down, you know, for like

555
00:36:40.120 --> 00:36:43.600
first, the first paragraph, cause we had that memorized and then the

556
00:36:43.600 --> 00:36:46.240
second paragraph or whatever, and finally we got to the end and he

557
00:36:46.240 --> 00:36:47.240
had the whole thing memorized.

558
00:36:47.240 --> 00:36:49.080
And so I said, okay, we're going to put the book down and we're just

559
00:36:49.080 --> 00:36:50.160
going to, we're just going to.

560
00:36:50.560 --> 00:36:52.360
Uh, uh, quote the poem.

561
00:36:52.680 --> 00:36:53.560
So we did.

562
00:36:53.920 --> 00:36:57.280
And he said, like I said, it'd only been like a month or a month and a half.

563
00:36:57.800 --> 00:37:01.520
And he said, I, and so after he said it, he said, I didn't know

564
00:37:01.520 --> 00:37:02.760
I could do something like that.

565
00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:06.400
It's like, I know you've got to know that this is who you are.

566
00:37:07.040 --> 00:37:10.040
So instead of getting onto him, like, why don't you believe in yourself and

567
00:37:10.080 --> 00:37:14.080
oh, you've got to do this and dah, dah, dah, I had to be the adult.

568
00:37:14.640 --> 00:37:16.240
And be with him.

569
00:37:16.520 --> 00:37:18.600
I had to abandon him in the learning.

570
00:37:18.920 --> 00:37:21.840
I had to like, let him know, Hey, look, you're not alone.

571
00:37:22.160 --> 00:37:23.640
I'm fighting for you.

572
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:24.960
I believe in you.

573
00:37:25.080 --> 00:37:30.080
You can do this and you're, and I'm going to do it with you, you know, et cetera.

574
00:37:30.080 --> 00:37:36.280
So anyway, that's just one example, but that made a world of difference and it

575
00:37:36.280 --> 00:37:43.600
kept the discipline issues down because it wasn't, I didn't create an environment.

576
00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:50.040
In which it was the, the student against the teacher and the teachers

577
00:37:50.040 --> 00:37:52.600
always telling the students something that they have to do.

578
00:37:52.600 --> 00:37:55.920
And the student is just like, why do I have to do it?

579
00:37:55.960 --> 00:37:57.080
You don't have to do this.

580
00:37:57.080 --> 00:37:58.240
Why do I have to do it?

581
00:37:58.560 --> 00:38:01.280
And you're just an all day every day is just you telling me

582
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:02.960
some other thing that I have to do.

583
00:38:03.760 --> 00:38:08.160
And so it can kind of create this animosity and like this, this feeling

584
00:38:08.160 --> 00:38:13.160
of like division and separation and the kids can feel very abandoned.

585
00:38:13.600 --> 00:38:18.320
And so anyway, so I thought, okay, well, how can I create that unity?

586
00:38:18.560 --> 00:38:20.760
How can I make him feel like he's not alone?

587
00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:22.600
So he feels safe enough to learn.

588
00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:27.560
And then because he doesn't see me as the enemy, he doesn't see me as this

589
00:38:27.560 --> 00:38:31.720
enemy that has to be fought that just like, oh, well, he's telling me something

590
00:38:31.720 --> 00:38:33.320
to do again, I don't want to do that.

591
00:38:33.560 --> 00:38:34.160
You know, whatever.

592
00:38:34.160 --> 00:38:37.480
So anyway, that's just kind of something that I would build up.

593
00:38:37.560 --> 00:38:39.440
And, and that was helpful.

594
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:43.960
And I'm trying to think of what else, I mean, it got to the point.

595
00:38:44.200 --> 00:38:50.800
So anyway, what I did is I would focus on building them, him up as, as a person,

596
00:38:51.120 --> 00:38:59.640
always affirming him con like, I would try to think even if he would give me

597
00:38:59.640 --> 00:39:07.800
like a, a wrong answer to something, I would try to figure out how to affirm

598
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:16.080
some aspect of the answer that he gave and then, and then guide him towards the

599
00:39:16.080 --> 00:39:21.400
right answer as opposed to, you know, or, you know, correct without strictly

600
00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:23.600
coming on to him saying, no, that's not right.

601
00:39:23.640 --> 00:39:29.520
Or, you know, whatever that helped as well, because then he, because then.

602
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:36.080
Again, my focus was on affirming him as an individual and on his ability to

603
00:39:36.080 --> 00:39:40.240
problem solve and to try to figure something out the fact that he just

604
00:39:40.280 --> 00:39:44.640
attempted, I mean, that took courage, the fact that he attempted to get to

605
00:39:44.640 --> 00:39:46.720
answer correctly, you know, whatever.

606
00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:49.480
Um, I would just affirm all of those things.

607
00:39:49.840 --> 00:39:56.240
And again, that, that those are just, uh, examples of how I was always

608
00:39:56.240 --> 00:39:59.920
choosing the student and affirming their value.

609
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.580
as a person over trying to get something accomplished

610
00:40:04.580 --> 00:40:06.480
and get them to learn something.

611
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:10.440
And he learned a lot.

612
00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:15.440
He probably learned at least as much as he'd,

613
00:40:16.600 --> 00:40:17.880
I mean, at least as much,

614
00:40:17.880 --> 00:40:20.880
he definitely learned more than he'd ever learned

615
00:40:20.880 --> 00:40:23.320
at any other year of school in his life.

616
00:40:23.320 --> 00:40:27.640
And I bet you that he learned two to three times as much

617
00:40:27.640 --> 00:40:29.920
than he ever had in his life.

618
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:34.920
And, but he felt the safety and the security

619
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:38.440
to be able to try.

620
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:41.000
In other words, I created a learning environment.

621
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:42.960
In other words, he could try something

622
00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:44.600
and it didn't have to work

623
00:40:45.520 --> 00:40:48.880
and he'd be punished for it not working

624
00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:50.160
or for him not to have figured it out

625
00:40:50.160 --> 00:40:52.960
or for him to have not done it right the first time.

626
00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:54.660
Anyway, so that kind of thing helped.

627
00:40:54.660 --> 00:40:56.160
But anyway, my whole point is,

628
00:40:56.160 --> 00:40:58.160
I was just giving you a specific example

629
00:40:58.160 --> 00:40:59.800
of what I meant when I was saying,

630
00:41:00.640 --> 00:41:02.480
I always chose the value of the person

631
00:41:02.480 --> 00:41:07.000
over what it is that I was trying to help them accomplish.

632
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:10.560
And that then by focusing on that,

633
00:41:10.560 --> 00:41:14.400
it empowered them to accomplish the thing more.

634
00:41:14.400 --> 00:41:16.840
Because I can't get them to learn.

635
00:41:16.840 --> 00:41:21.320
I can help try to explain it, but I can't get them,

636
00:41:21.320 --> 00:41:23.440
I can't force them to figure it out.

637
00:41:23.440 --> 00:41:25.460
I can't force them to understand it,

638
00:41:26.480 --> 00:41:27.760
to understand the material.

639
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:31.360
I can't force them to do it correctly.

640
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:33.480
They're the ones who have the power to do that.

641
00:41:33.480 --> 00:41:38.480
I just have to build up their sense of empowerment

642
00:41:40.200 --> 00:41:43.600
so that they'll actually make the choice as a human being

643
00:41:43.600 --> 00:41:47.760
to learn the thing, to try, to accomplish it.

644
00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:49.800
So anyway, and that,

645
00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:51.980
but the reason that I thought about telling you all that

646
00:41:51.980 --> 00:41:55.240
is that is how I kept discipline down

647
00:41:55.240 --> 00:41:58.080
because they didn't see me as the enemy.

648
00:41:58.080 --> 00:42:01.600
And it also kept them from being bored.

649
00:42:01.600 --> 00:42:05.080
That's another thing that can create discipline issues

650
00:42:05.080 --> 00:42:08.440
is if they're just bored, they don't feel challenged.

651
00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:10.880
Or if they just, like I said earlier,

652
00:42:10.880 --> 00:42:12.920
if they feel insecure.

653
00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:15.180
So if I was just constantly choosing them

654
00:42:15.180 --> 00:42:16.800
over what it is that they were learning,

655
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:18.320
in other words, affirming them,

656
00:42:19.600 --> 00:42:23.920
then it kept their minds engaged and challenged.

657
00:42:23.920 --> 00:42:25.280
They didn't see me as the enemy

658
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:29.080
and therefore discipline wasn't an issue.

659
00:42:29.080 --> 00:42:30.960
So anyway, those are the things that I did

660
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:33.800
and why focusing on me not feeling threatened,

661
00:42:33.800 --> 00:42:35.600
me knowing who it is that I was,

662
00:42:35.600 --> 00:42:38.520
as well as affirming them and who it is that they are

663
00:42:38.520 --> 00:42:41.660
actually got the discipline thing accomplished.

664
00:42:41.660 --> 00:42:46.220
But periodically when they would just like push anyway,

665
00:42:46.220 --> 00:42:48.560
I would just present who it is that I was.

666
00:42:48.560 --> 00:42:52.400
I wouldn't force them and like, no, you have to do this.

667
00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:54.800
And da-da-da-da-da, and I'm the teacher

668
00:42:54.800 --> 00:42:56.760
and you're the student and da-da-da-da.

669
00:42:56.760 --> 00:42:59.960
Cause that just affirms all of this division

670
00:42:59.960 --> 00:43:03.000
and that makes them feel unprotected.

671
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:06.560
It doesn't make them feel safe enough to learn.

672
00:43:06.560 --> 00:43:09.240
Doesn't make them feel safe enough with us.

673
00:43:09.240 --> 00:43:13.400
So what I had to do is I just had to,

674
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:16.400
had to discipline from the perspective

675
00:43:16.400 --> 00:43:21.120
of making sure that I wasn't threatened

676
00:43:21.120 --> 00:43:22.920
and that I just stood in that position

677
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:26.760
of not being threatened by a child's behavior

678
00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:29.920
or a child's view of himself or whatever.

679
00:43:29.920 --> 00:43:31.480
And that really did.

680
00:43:31.480 --> 00:43:33.580
And then I would discipline from that perspective.

681
00:43:33.580 --> 00:43:36.960
I would tell them what I would, you know,

682
00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:39.660
get onto them, so to speak, without shutting them.

683
00:43:39.660 --> 00:43:42.560
Anyway, if any of that's helpful.

684
00:43:45.240 --> 00:43:47.960
Yeah, I think it just is hitting me

685
00:43:48.120 --> 00:43:51.960
because I used to, this hasn't been a problem for me.

686
00:43:51.960 --> 00:43:54.860
So I think it's even just to accept, I don't know.

687
00:43:54.860 --> 00:43:59.860
I just feel, I don't know, just that it's a problem at all,

688
00:44:02.160 --> 00:44:04.040
just gives me little motivation

689
00:44:04.040 --> 00:44:07.600
because it's something that I've always naturally done.

690
00:44:07.600 --> 00:44:10.680
And then now it's not working.

691
00:44:10.680 --> 00:44:15.680
And then, so actually sometimes when I talk to a student

692
00:44:17.960 --> 00:44:22.960
or their teachers and it touches just like

693
00:44:23.720 --> 00:44:27.600
this worthless part of me, just even like,

694
00:44:27.600 --> 00:44:31.000
so, but I think I'm getting what you're saying

695
00:44:31.000 --> 00:44:33.000
and I see things that I can do differently.

696
00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:37.400
But at the same time, I also just feel bad about myself

697
00:44:37.400 --> 00:44:39.860
because I kind of know, or it's kind of just,

698
00:44:43.640 --> 00:44:46.480
I don't know, I think it gets into like hopelessness.

699
00:44:46.480 --> 00:44:47.880
Okay, you could do it right.

700
00:44:47.880 --> 00:44:49.440
Other people can do it right.

701
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:52.160
But I just can't get this right.

702
00:44:52.160 --> 00:44:57.160
So it just like, it goes back to my identity.

703
00:44:57.480 --> 00:44:58.320
Yeah.

704
00:44:59.760 --> 00:45:00.600
Just.

705
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:16.880
the makes me or I feel I get my motivation is, I get a little

706
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:21.800
bit hope that I can, they can I can do it in a different way, or

707
00:45:21.840 --> 00:45:27.320
what I can see the things that I could do differently. But I

708
00:45:27.320 --> 00:45:31.800
think at this moment, even just people other what you're saying,

709
00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:38.720
sometimes my feeling is that it just gets worse. Because you

710
00:45:38.720 --> 00:45:44.960
wouldn't do worse. No. To hear you say that how you did it, and

711
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:50.240
you have this outcome. For some reason, it just makes me also

712
00:45:50.240 --> 00:45:56.520
feel bad about myself, that I can't do it, or that I can just

713
00:45:57.320 --> 00:46:01.680
it's a different perspective. So yeah, and here's, here's the

714
00:46:01.680 --> 00:46:05.000
thing. Think about remember what I was telling you about between

715
00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:08.880
you and God, if you're struggling to choose God and

716
00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:12.040
believe that he is who he says that he is, try to find

717
00:46:12.040 --> 00:46:15.800
something else to agree with him about. And I said, choose if

718
00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:18.600
you're finding that challenging and choose to believe that you

719
00:46:18.600 --> 00:46:22.000
are who God says that you are and have faith in that. And

720
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:25.200
choose yourself, own yourself, that kind of thing. It's the

721
00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:30.200
same thing in this. If I choose, you know how I said, choose the

722
00:46:30.200 --> 00:46:35.000
students over what they're learning, choose to value them

723
00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:39.640
and affirm them and pour into them as people more than trying

724
00:46:39.640 --> 00:46:43.840
to get them to learn something. Yeah, you definitely focus on

725
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:47.920
the learning thing. It's just that you value the other even

726
00:46:47.920 --> 00:46:52.120
more. So you're approaching the learning by affirming who they

727
00:46:52.120 --> 00:46:55.760
are and helping and empowering them to learn, to learn, and

728
00:46:55.760 --> 00:46:58.120
then guiding them in it as opposed to forcing them to

729
00:46:58.120 --> 00:47:03.920
learn or something like that. So just like that, what the what

730
00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:08.440
the students need even more than that is they need you to be

731
00:47:08.440 --> 00:47:14.120
secure in yourself. So choose you. So if you your students

732
00:47:14.120 --> 00:47:17.520
need you, but if you're not giving you then the students

733
00:47:17.520 --> 00:47:19.960
don't have what it is that they need in order to learn.

734
00:47:20.120 --> 00:47:23.520
And I think that's what this is like, just revealing is my own

735
00:47:23.520 --> 00:47:26.480
insecurities. And that just makes me feel hopeless.

736
00:47:26.960 --> 00:47:30.840
So that's what I'm saying is, if you're like, Oh, see, I'm not

737
00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:36.360
doing that. So exactly. Now choose you. So just like it

738
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:38.880
between you and the Lord, how I was saying, you know, choose

739
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:44.280
you own yourself, etc. It's, it's not only affecting your

740
00:47:44.280 --> 00:47:47.520
relationship with the Lord, you know, it's also affecting your

741
00:47:47.520 --> 00:47:49.840
relationship with your classroom and how to how to

742
00:47:49.840 --> 00:47:54.280
like operate in your classroom, etc. So here's my point, choose

743
00:47:54.280 --> 00:47:58.880
you and your value, and who it is that you are in the Lord. And

744
00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:01.560
the fact that of all of the teachers, God is the one who

745
00:48:01.560 --> 00:48:06.240
said, I want you to be the one that is with these students this

746
00:48:06.240 --> 00:48:09.360
year in this subject at this time in their lives, because he

747
00:48:09.360 --> 00:48:13.440
knows what's going on in their lives right now. And, and, and

748
00:48:13.440 --> 00:48:20.040
so, and he's, you're the one that he wanted. So, so own, so

749
00:48:20.080 --> 00:48:24.360
recognize the value that God declares that you are, and that

750
00:48:24.360 --> 00:48:29.880
he declares you to be and present that own yourself, so

751
00:48:29.880 --> 00:48:33.800
that and bring yourself to the classroom. In a manner of

752
00:48:33.800 --> 00:48:37.320
speaking, here's what I'm saying, choose the students over

753
00:48:37.320 --> 00:48:41.920
them learning, and then choose yourself over the students. I'm

754
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:44.920
not saying, I mean, I'm not trying to, I'm not being

755
00:48:44.920 --> 00:48:47.760
contradictory to what God says in the Bible, where he says we

756
00:48:47.760 --> 00:48:50.200
need to love others as ourselves, and we need to love

757
00:48:50.200 --> 00:48:52.400
others more than ourselves, and that kind of thing. I'm not

758
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:55.000
saying you need to elevate yourself above your students and

759
00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:58.080
love yourself more than your students. I don't mean that. But

760
00:48:58.080 --> 00:49:04.360
what I'm saying is that God that come into agreement with what

761
00:49:04.360 --> 00:49:10.480
God is declaring to you that, that he says that you are, and

762
00:49:10.480 --> 00:49:13.880
then that will give the students what they need, because

763
00:49:13.880 --> 00:49:17.520
they need you. So in a manner of speaking, think of how hard it

764
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:20.440
is being for you to choose yourself, and for you to feel

765
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:23.040
good about yourself. And you know, because you're saying, Oh,

766
00:49:23.040 --> 00:49:26.080
I feel bad, I used to be able to accomplish these kinds of things.

767
00:49:26.080 --> 00:49:28.840
I used to be able to discipline, it used to always work. This is

768
00:49:28.840 --> 00:49:33.400
who I was known as, and now I can't do it. In the face of

769
00:49:33.400 --> 00:49:38.240
that, choose that that doesn't affirm to you who you are, God

770
00:49:38.240 --> 00:49:44.000
does. And that's hard. Because it's easier for us to look at

771
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:48.640
what we can accomplish and use that to affirm us that we are

772
00:49:48.680 --> 00:49:53.760
that we are what we want, what we wish that we were, right? And

773
00:49:53.760 --> 00:49:56.960
God's like, no, no, in the very face of what appears like

774
00:49:57.040 --> 00:50:00.080
opposite evidence, like the fact that those things

775
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.120
aren't working now, you know, the things that used to work, you know, it's no longer working.

776
00:50:05.120 --> 00:50:10.160
So in other words, it feels like the very opposite is true. I think that you, you know,

777
00:50:10.160 --> 00:50:14.560
were who God says that you were and that you did a good job and that you were, I don't know,

778
00:50:14.560 --> 00:50:18.080
I'm just going to throw out words. You were important. You were significant. You could do

779
00:50:18.080 --> 00:50:22.960
the stuff. And then now that that's not happening, you think the opposite about yourself. You're

780
00:50:22.960 --> 00:50:29.040
like, Oh, see, I'm not who I thought that I was. I'm not important. I can't get it to work. I did

781
00:50:29.600 --> 00:50:35.040
God's like exactly right there where you think that all the evidence is pointing to the fact

782
00:50:35.040 --> 00:50:40.800
that you're not who you, you guys say that you are choose that you are who I say that you are

783
00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:49.840
strictly because I said it because there's no evidence. I mean, I see evidence, but my point

784
00:50:49.840 --> 00:50:57.280
is you don't see the evidence. So in not seeing the evidence, choose in blind faith, something

785
00:50:57.280 --> 00:51:02.720
about something that God said, even though you can't see it, that's, this is how hard it is.

786
00:51:02.720 --> 00:51:11.200
This is why God says, and talk so much about faith is because faith is what we choose in these types

787
00:51:11.200 --> 00:51:16.000
of situations where it's like, there's no evidence. There's no proof. That's not logical. I

788
00:51:16.000 --> 00:51:23.360
don't feel it. God says, choose it anyway. When you bring yourself to the classroom and you choose

789
00:51:23.360 --> 00:51:28.480
to bring the person that God says that you are, you choose it for yourself first,

790
00:51:29.120 --> 00:51:34.800
because you won't be able to convince yourself of it. You just, no, you just have to choose it.

791
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:40.480
You have to choose that. It's true out of your own will, out of basically your own willpower.

792
00:51:41.680 --> 00:51:46.240
I choose that. This is actually, it's not willpower. Really. It's just making a decision.

793
00:51:46.240 --> 00:51:51.760
It's like, okay, I'm making this decision, even though it doesn't feel right. And even though it

794
00:51:51.760 --> 00:51:57.920
doesn't sound logical, I'm just going to choose it anyway, because God said, so when you do that,

795
00:51:57.920 --> 00:52:05.440
you will bring your real and true self to the classroom. And that's who God put to impact those

796
00:52:05.440 --> 00:52:11.520
students. So the students aren't being impacted in the way that they need to. If you're the one

797
00:52:11.520 --> 00:52:16.560
that's missing, because you are the one that God said would bring the impact to the students.

798
00:52:16.640 --> 00:52:23.840
And if you're not coming, then they can't get that impact. So it sounds, it sounds selfish and all

799
00:52:23.840 --> 00:52:27.760
that. Well, why don't I'm choosing myself or the students? No, no, no. It's actually think about

800
00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:32.000
how hard all of this is for you to do, you know, like, oh my goodness, choose that I am who God

801
00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:37.200
says that I am, even though God, even though I'm not feeling it and whatever, but you're doing it

802
00:52:37.200 --> 00:52:42.720
not only for God to have faith in the Lord, but that is a self sacrifice for those students.

803
00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:50.800
That's how you're dying to sell that they might live because they need you. And you're going to

804
00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:56.560
have to do all the hard work to bring yourself because you don't want to, it didn't feel good.

805
00:52:57.200 --> 00:53:02.800
You feel bad about yourself. So to get over feeling bad about yourself by actually believing

806
00:53:02.800 --> 00:53:10.720
what God says about you is, is hard, but you're doing it for the students. So you're sacrificing

807
00:53:10.720 --> 00:53:17.760
yourself, giving yourself, doing the hard work, dying to self because, because they need you.

808
00:53:19.120 --> 00:53:25.680
That's, that's doing what Jesus did. It's sacrificing yourself for others. So that's

809
00:53:25.680 --> 00:53:32.000
why it's not selfish. That's why it's not wrong. You're not choosing yourself as if you're more

810
00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:39.920
important than, than the students. All I mean is that you first focus on your faith on, on having

811
00:53:39.920 --> 00:53:46.960
faith in something God said. And one of the things that he said is who you are, and then you be that

812
00:53:46.960 --> 00:53:51.040
to the students and that will give the students what it is that they need to succeed, to learn

813
00:53:51.040 --> 00:53:56.240
Chinese to the best of their ability, to feel good about themselves, to feel, to gain security and

814
00:53:56.240 --> 00:54:01.200
confidence in themselves, gain self-esteem, all those things. That's the majority of what my

815
00:54:01.200 --> 00:54:06.880
students learned from me. It wasn't, I mean, yeah, they learned so much in academics and all that.

816
00:54:06.880 --> 00:54:10.160
Like I said, they probably learned two to three times the amount than they've ever learned in

817
00:54:10.160 --> 00:54:18.000
school before in just in that one year, but more than that. And I watched, and I know this because

818
00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:25.360
I watched them, especially this one student years later, and I saw the results of pouring into him.

819
00:54:25.360 --> 00:54:30.560
And all these years later, he now thinks he can do all kinds of things. Well, he didn't, it looks

820
00:54:30.560 --> 00:54:36.320
great, but he does now. And so, and no, it's not just, it's not just related to me. He had other

821
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:42.400
people pouring into him as well. I'm just saying that I watched that whole shift in sixth, a huge

822
00:54:42.400 --> 00:54:47.120
shift in sixth grade. And it's because I just focused on, on the fact that, you know, on

823
00:54:47.120 --> 00:54:53.680
affirming him, et cetera, but I had to give of myself in order for him to have what he needed.

824
00:54:54.480 --> 00:54:59.920
But what about the thing underneath that, which is, I told, I agree.

825
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.000
agree with what you're saying. And I think that's right. What

826
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:11.640
about the lack of motivation in this? Because that also plays

827
00:55:11.640 --> 00:55:14.720
into it. Because when I was a teacher for seven years, I was

828
00:55:14.720 --> 00:55:19.240
so motivated. And I felt it was like a calling I felt like, but

829
00:55:19.240 --> 00:55:22.960
this time, it almost feels a little bit like chance. And I

830
00:55:22.960 --> 00:55:27.480
should have been somewhere else. And I'm not motivated. So it's

831
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:34.520
because I would do everything for the kids seven, nine years

832
00:55:34.520 --> 00:55:37.920
ago. Because that I just knew that's what I was supposed to

833
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:42.320
do. And I just love them. And it was all natural. Yeah. But this

834
00:55:42.320 --> 00:55:45.240
time around from it, for me, it sounds like you were really

835
00:55:45.240 --> 00:55:50.280
motivated that year, too. Like you were driven, right? Or not?

836
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:57.000
No, no. And I just feel like I don't I don't even have the will

837
00:55:57.000 --> 00:56:00.360
to do this. Yeah, I am. But God has, like you said, he has

838
00:56:00.360 --> 00:56:03.840
placed me in this in these classes for such a time as this.

839
00:56:04.360 --> 00:56:06.440
And I have peace about it. I don't think I should have been

840
00:56:06.440 --> 00:56:08.520
somewhere else. It's just that.

841
00:56:10.200 --> 00:56:13.560
Yeah, no, I didn't want to be a teacher. But I had to be a

842
00:56:13.560 --> 00:56:16.920
teacher because it was the only job I could find after college,

843
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:21.440
I had been looking for a job for, I don't know, very heavily

844
00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:25.000
for three months. But longer than that, I've been looking for

845
00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:29.480
a job since before I graduated college. And, and so I don't

846
00:56:29.480 --> 00:56:33.920
know, for six, seven months, I had been searching for a job,

847
00:56:33.920 --> 00:56:36.920
and I couldn't find one. So I had to take a teaching job. And

848
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:41.400
that was the last thing I wanted to do. And, in fact, I was I

849
00:56:41.400 --> 00:56:47.320
started to be to I had a teaching major for two, two and

850
00:56:47.320 --> 00:56:52.720
a half years. And I changed it two and a half years in and

851
00:56:52.720 --> 00:56:55.080
graduated with something else because I didn't want to be a

852
00:56:55.080 --> 00:57:01.280
teacher anymore. And anyway, so I in fact, I was very resentful

853
00:57:01.640 --> 00:57:05.240
of the fact that I got a teaching job because I couldn't

854
00:57:05.240 --> 00:57:08.120
get anything else. So I didn't want that. I was getting over

855
00:57:08.120 --> 00:57:11.840
mono. Are you familiar with mononucleosis? It's a yes.

856
00:57:13.400 --> 00:57:16.480
Yeah. So I was getting over mono. In fact, I was getting

857
00:57:16.480 --> 00:57:20.560
over my second bound of bout of mono in six months. I had mono

858
00:57:20.560 --> 00:57:24.200
twice in six months because I was worn out. So I was getting

859
00:57:24.200 --> 00:57:29.320
over that I and I had, so it's definitely not in life where I

860
00:57:29.320 --> 00:57:32.480
wanted to be. I had to move back in with my parents because I

861
00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:37.320
couldn't afford to live on my own. And I, I was going through

862
00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:43.240
very severe depression. And to the point where so you remember

863
00:57:43.240 --> 00:57:45.400
me taught telling you my testimony, you know, about my

864
00:57:46.080 --> 00:57:49.960
this was smack dab in the middle of it. I was four years into my

865
00:57:49.960 --> 00:57:53.600
depression by this point. And, and the problem was, I didn't

866
00:57:53.600 --> 00:57:56.880
know that I was depressed. And so I just thought, why is life

867
00:57:56.880 --> 00:58:01.280
so hard? Well, I wasn't just depressed, I was very badly

868
00:58:01.280 --> 00:58:06.760
depressed. I would also have anxiety attacks in school, like

869
00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:10.440
in other words with my student. Now, I did never have them in

870
00:58:10.440 --> 00:58:13.480
front of him. But he would like go to the bathroom or whatever,

871
00:58:13.480 --> 00:58:15.800
and I'd have an anxiety attack, and I would start hyper

872
00:58:15.800 --> 00:58:22.120
ventilating. So yeah, life was not good then. And I also

873
00:58:22.120 --> 00:58:27.080
wasn't being supported by my, by the administration by the by

874
00:58:27.080 --> 00:58:32.720
the, the leaders, because I have was a, I was a private teacher.

875
00:58:32.920 --> 00:58:37.000
So I didn't teach like a classroom of 20 students, I

876
00:58:37.000 --> 00:58:40.640
usually taught one student at a time, every now and then I'd

877
00:58:40.640 --> 00:58:43.480
have two or three students that I would be tutoring, and I would

878
00:58:43.480 --> 00:58:46.040
be tutoring them in their different subjects. And then

879
00:58:46.040 --> 00:58:48.720
while one of them was working on something, I would talk to the

880
00:58:48.720 --> 00:58:51.960
other student and then help them with it and whatever. But mostly

881
00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:56.640
it was just one on one. Um, but, but yeah, I was it was not a

882
00:58:56.640 --> 00:59:02.000
good time in my life. It was absolutely miserable. That year

883
00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:07.360
was so miserable. I did not want to be there. But what I did is I

884
00:59:07.360 --> 00:59:13.400
did. I chose Okay, God, if you put if I'm here, then and I'm

885
00:59:13.400 --> 00:59:17.240
where I don't want to be. But I am with a human being. And he

886
00:59:17.240 --> 00:59:20.840
needs me. In other words, he needs he's, he needs to be

887
00:59:20.840 --> 00:59:25.080
loved on. He needs to know that he's important. So I will be the

888
00:59:25.080 --> 00:59:28.880
one that he'll be important to, I'll be the one that loves him.

889
00:59:29.400 --> 00:59:31.600
So if he doesn't have other people in his life that are

890
00:59:31.600 --> 00:59:35.920
loving him in the way that God needs him to, if he's not being

891
00:59:35.920 --> 00:59:40.440
taken care of, if he's not being sacrificed for if he's not being

892
00:59:41.080 --> 00:59:45.120
shown that he's important, then Lord, he'll be important to me.

893
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:48.640
And by that, I don't mean and here's the huge difference that

894
00:59:48.640 --> 00:59:52.040
it makes, you know, in having relationships with people. And

895
00:59:52.040 --> 00:59:55.880
you know, when I talk in, in that session called governing

896
00:59:55.880 --> 00:59:59.240
creation and relationships, this is what makes all the difference

897
00:59:59.520 --> 00:59:59.960
is

898
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.280
You don't just think, Oh, I want that for the other person. So how do I get them to believe

899
01:00:05.280 --> 01:00:12.800
that that won't work? I just won't. If we want something for the other person, we have to give

900
01:00:12.800 --> 01:00:19.440
it them, give it. We have, how, how would you word that? We have to give it to them ourselves.

901
01:00:19.440 --> 01:00:28.320
So say for instance, if we want someone else to be loved, we don't need to try to help them feel

902
01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:36.640
loved. We need to love them. In other words, we are what is required. If we want something

903
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:42.880
for us, for someone else, we are what is required. We are required to give it to them. If we want

904
01:00:42.880 --> 01:00:49.440
someone to not feel abandoned, we have to not abandon them. If we want someone else to feel

905
01:00:49.440 --> 01:00:56.240
and experience a life of love, we can't convince them of them, convince them of it and help them

906
01:00:56.240 --> 01:01:02.320
to believe it and, and try to do things so that they'll feel it. God's like, no, no, no. It actually

907
01:01:02.320 --> 01:01:09.520
requires you to love them, not just love on them, but actually love them because sometimes the

908
01:01:09.520 --> 01:01:17.360
loving on them creates a bit of distance. Does that make sense? It's like, okay, well, I can keep

909
01:01:17.360 --> 01:01:22.960
myself from being affected by you and just like, give you all of this stuff, like do these things

910
01:01:23.040 --> 01:01:29.200
for you. That'll make you feel loved by you. These things try to convince you just so that I can

911
01:01:29.200 --> 01:01:36.160
change how you feel, or I can exchange, change the life experience that you have, but I don't

912
01:01:36.160 --> 01:01:42.000
want to have to love you because you're hard to love. You know what I mean? Sometimes we think,

913
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:47.280
oh, well, this person's unlovable, this whatever. And God's like, no, if you want them to feel loved,

914
01:01:47.280 --> 01:01:54.240
if you want them to be valuable, you have to value them. You have to love them. You have to,

915
01:01:54.240 --> 01:01:59.200
you have to do the thing that you want them to experience. Like, in other words, you want them

916
01:01:59.200 --> 01:02:04.640
to feel loved. You want them to not feel abandoned. You want them to whatever, then you can't abandon

917
01:02:04.640 --> 01:02:11.440
them. You have, you yourself have to actually be the one from whom they receive love. Not that

918
01:02:11.520 --> 01:02:18.560
convinces them that they're loved. You have to actually experientially love them. So anyway,

919
01:02:19.360 --> 01:02:22.960
that makes all the difference in the world in that relationship. So when you're talking about

920
01:02:22.960 --> 01:02:27.600
like motivation or whatever, what I did is I'm like, okay, God, I am not where I want to be.

921
01:02:28.320 --> 01:02:35.440
I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. And, but because I chose instead,

922
01:02:35.440 --> 01:02:42.640
because I chose the child, okay. You know, this child's important to the Lord. So that is who I'm

923
01:02:42.640 --> 01:02:50.800
going to choose. I'm not going to choose me here at work doing a good job. I chose the child over

924
01:02:50.800 --> 01:02:58.880
me doing a good job. I chose the child over me feeling like I accomplished something or that

925
01:02:58.880 --> 01:03:04.640
everyone thought that I was doing a good job or that my administration liked how I was handling

926
01:03:04.640 --> 01:03:10.960
it or anything I had to choose the child over it. And that made all the difference. So that was my

927
01:03:10.960 --> 01:03:19.120
motivation was me having to intentionally choose the child, not me meaning like, and I don't mean

928
01:03:19.120 --> 01:03:24.800
that to sound the opposite of what I told you before. No, no, no. Yeah. I don't mean it like

929
01:03:24.800 --> 01:03:31.120
that. I just mean like, uh, in fact, like I didn't feel motivated. I, I, I couldn't use myself in

930
01:03:31.120 --> 01:03:37.840
what I was trying to, trying to give myself of security or for me to feel loved or for me to feel

931
01:03:37.840 --> 01:03:44.400
safe or for me to feel protected. I chose to give it to them instead of me choosing to choosing to,

932
01:03:45.040 --> 01:03:52.320
to, to, as the motive is trying to get it for myself being the motivation of why I was doing

933
01:03:52.320 --> 01:03:59.120
stuff. Does that make sense? So that made all the difference in that shifted everything. So

934
01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:09.120
I was motivated to go to work because I would be motivated to, for the, I, the child was my

935
01:04:09.120 --> 01:04:16.000
motivation. It wasn't the fact that I wanted to be there. It wasn't the fact that I was trying to

936
01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:26.880
like do a good job and to get him to learn X, Y, and Z. My motivation was that, that, that the child

937
01:04:26.880 --> 01:04:34.720
would be valued, um, and loved on and loved the way that God says that he was. So in other words,

938
01:04:34.720 --> 01:04:40.960
that he, that I would give him an experience, whether or not he felt it, I would give him the

939
01:04:40.960 --> 01:04:49.760
experience of living out what God says about him. God says he's valuable. God says he's loved.

940
01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:54.160
So I would give him that experience now, whether or not he felt it, that was up to him,

941
01:04:54.160 --> 01:04:59.200
but I would give him, I would create that experience in that environment for him.

942
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.120
says is true, I would provide that for him. God says he's loved, so I would love him.

943
01:05:05.120 --> 01:05:10.880
God says that he's valuable, so I will value him. Not know that God says he's valuable. No,

944
01:05:10.880 --> 01:05:17.440
I had to value him. I had to see him as important. So that motivated me to go to work every day

945
01:05:19.200 --> 01:05:27.840
because the other stuff wasn't important enough to me because I wanted to do something else.

946
01:05:27.840 --> 01:05:35.440
I wanted to work in a corporate high-rise building job where I was a teacher. So this

947
01:05:35.440 --> 01:05:43.840
was not what I wanted for me. But if this is where God had me, I had to choose the child was my

948
01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:51.280
motivation. But I had to intentionally choose it because... But isn't it these kind of things that

949
01:05:51.280 --> 01:05:58.000
made you feel and also makes me feel, you know, the part where we feel like God used us because

950
01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:04.960
of our abilities. Like even before you knew about rest and even with me, before I'm learning about

951
01:06:04.960 --> 01:06:11.040
rest, I've learned so many years to walk in faith and to live in faith. And I've seen so many

952
01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:17.280
amazing things in my life, but it just ended up making me feel used by God. And then it turns

953
01:06:17.280 --> 01:06:25.760
into hatred because you just created me to use me. And for everyone else to think,

954
01:06:25.760 --> 01:06:32.640
oh, these amazing things happen around Renata. And like she's walking in faith. She's seeing

955
01:06:32.640 --> 01:06:39.120
all these miracles. There are all so many things going on, but I kind of disappear in it.

956
01:06:40.480 --> 01:06:43.520
Yeah. Yeah. Me between you and God.

957
01:06:43.520 --> 01:06:50.400
So I think I'm a little bit cautious of that too because that's what I'm trying to get out of

958
01:06:50.400 --> 01:07:00.080
this thing of me walking in faith and seeing things happen, but not feeling used afterwards.

959
01:07:01.520 --> 01:07:05.840
Yes. So you know what I'm glad that you mentioned that. Yes. No, I'm glad that you mentioned that.

960
01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:11.280
So the difference is how you're approaching it. If you approach it from this perspective that

961
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:19.280
I don't want to do this, but God is it's, um, I'm trying to accomplish something for God.

962
01:07:19.280 --> 01:07:26.560
Yeah. You feel used, but it's like, no, no, no. This person you're trying to actually live out

963
01:07:26.560 --> 01:07:31.760
truth. So for instance, God says that person is valuable. So you're going to value them.

964
01:07:31.760 --> 01:07:36.320
God says that person is loved. So you're going to love them. You're actually living out the

965
01:07:36.320 --> 01:07:42.880
truth that God spoke as opposed to, I don't want to do this, but God, God is putting me in a place

966
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:49.360
for me to accomplish something for him. I'm not important. Something else. It's only what I do.

967
01:07:49.360 --> 01:07:57.280
That's important. If, if, if it's, if the, if, um, if you view it from that, that perspective,

968
01:07:57.280 --> 01:08:03.200
yes, you definitely feel used, but that's again, why I said that what it is, for instance, when I

969
01:08:03.200 --> 01:08:09.120
say that you have to, that God, uh, to, to love them and to value them and not just try to convince

970
01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:15.040
them. The only way that you can love them. And the only way that you can value them is if you

971
01:08:15.040 --> 01:08:20.800
yourself stand in who it is that God says that you are. God says that you are loved. God says

972
01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:26.000
that you are protected. You have to choose yourself between you and God, meaning like

973
01:08:26.000 --> 01:08:31.040
you just got it. So you have to love and value yourself before you can truly love and value

974
01:08:31.040 --> 01:08:35.600
someone else. So if you want something for someone else, and if you need to give something

975
01:08:35.600 --> 01:08:41.600
to someone else, like love or value or whatever, you have to give it to yourself first. So if God

976
01:08:41.600 --> 01:08:52.560
says, we're not a, you were loved. You receive that love from God, receive that value from him

977
01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:57.040
because he's trying to love on you. So you actually have to receive it so that you have

978
01:08:57.040 --> 01:09:03.600
something to then give the child. So it does all start, you know, with you again, going back to

979
01:09:03.600 --> 01:09:10.080
that whole thing of like, you choose, you choose the kids over, over that, what they're learning,

980
01:09:10.080 --> 01:09:14.800
but then you choose yourself over the kids. And the reason that you choose yourself first is you

981
01:09:14.800 --> 01:09:19.680
have to make sure that you're receiving from the Lord, meaning like that you're not rejecting it

982
01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:24.640
because God's giving it, make sure that you don't not reject it and receive from the Lord, what he

983
01:09:24.640 --> 01:09:30.479
gives you for you so that you then have it to give to the kids. Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah.

984
01:09:31.520 --> 01:09:40.479
That's how you don't. I totally agree with what you're saying. And it's just that stories like

985
01:09:40.479 --> 01:09:49.439
this, I have like in myself, I have remembrance of kind of resistance against God.

986
01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:59.440
When you see great things happen because of faith, but you don't feel loved and then you feel used.

987
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.040
correct but that's what i'm so i just don't want to go back there to do all the right things

988
01:10:07.600 --> 01:10:14.960
or to do what i know is the and without and come out on the other side and feel like god hates me

989
01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:20.880
and i see all these amazing things happening around me but i feel that i've just been used

990
01:10:21.600 --> 01:10:26.640
correct but what i think i haven't done in the other times where i've seen amazing things happen

991
01:10:26.640 --> 01:10:31.360
when walking in faith is that i haven't been receiving his love there you go that's that's

992
01:10:31.360 --> 01:10:36.960
the end that's just what happens like myself higher i've put myself lower but i've still

993
01:10:36.960 --> 01:10:41.520
had the outcome and like you said like when you talk like with the tree and the knowledge of good

994
01:10:41.520 --> 01:10:47.760
and evil i've seen a lot of like amazing things happen but it's been from the tree of knowledge

995
01:10:47.760 --> 01:10:54.240
of good and evil and then you feel abandoned and alone and even hated by god even though you see

996
01:10:54.240 --> 01:10:57.840
amazing because it's such a contrast in your life you're seeing these amazing things that

997
01:10:57.840 --> 01:11:04.240
couldn't have happened without god and without faith and then you yourself feel horrible yeah

998
01:11:04.880 --> 01:11:10.000
and you're just a pond in the puzzle like he uses you as a pond and that's what you're meant

999
01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:17.440
for your whole life is to be used as a pond in this huge game correct it becomes like a game

1000
01:11:17.440 --> 01:11:23.280
yeah that's exactly that's exactly where i'm so excited look at that ah this is wonderful

1001
01:11:23.360 --> 01:11:28.320
what i try to do is i try to help everyone understand things to the point where they can

1002
01:11:28.320 --> 01:11:35.840
own it for themselves so that basically i try to work myself out of a job so that people don't need

1003
01:11:35.840 --> 01:11:43.840
me in order to understand and know how to apply things in various situations they they understand

1004
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:50.640
the concept enough about faith and rest that and it's very simple and so if you just learn that

1005
01:11:50.640 --> 01:11:56.240
simple principle and understand how to approach how to approach all of these complicated worldly

1006
01:11:56.240 --> 01:12:00.640
issues from the very simple perspective everyone can figure it out for themselves and they don't

1007
01:12:00.640 --> 01:12:03.920
need me they don't need the rest intensive anymore they don't need the rest lifestyle

1008
01:12:03.920 --> 01:12:08.560
this is it but yes so that's what i was going to say it was like if you hadn't gotten to that

1009
01:12:08.560 --> 01:12:15.360
conclusion was that like yes but in the past you'd use the wrong route yeah this time you've got to

1010
01:12:15.360 --> 01:12:22.880
go back to that route and that's why i talk about the fact that i always go i start with love and

1011
01:12:22.880 --> 01:12:30.320
and one first love and union first it's because that is what we always have to go back to so think

1012
01:12:30.320 --> 01:12:35.440
we're like at least eight weeks in right and what are we still talking about we're going back to

1013
01:12:35.440 --> 01:12:39.440
yeah but all right do you believe that god do you receive the fact that god loves you to the degree

1014
01:12:39.440 --> 01:12:43.520
that he says that he does you know and the same thing about how unified are you with the lord

1015
01:12:43.520 --> 01:12:48.560
you're not abandoned you're not unprotected you know etc everything every issue that we deal with

1016
01:12:48.560 --> 01:12:54.080
always goes back to we're not agreeing with or believing that we are loved and unified with god

1017
01:12:54.080 --> 01:13:01.600
to the degree he says that we does that's what we always have to go back to so excellent it's hard

1018
01:13:01.600 --> 01:13:07.920
it is very very challenging but in a way it's simple so it's hard but it is simple it's like

1019
01:13:07.920 --> 01:13:12.960
okay god says that he loves me so i have to choose it i don't feel it and that's why all

1020
01:13:12.960 --> 01:13:20.000
of these other issues are going wrong in my life it's like okay so very simply god loves me to the

1021
01:13:20.000 --> 01:13:25.200
degree he says he does and i'm unified with him to the degree he says i'm unified and i need to

1022
01:13:25.200 --> 01:13:30.560
choose it because i don't feel it i don't feel it and it doesn't and i don't see how it's possible

1023
01:13:30.560 --> 01:13:35.520
i'm looking at all the things in my life and it doesn't seem to be affirming it but god said and

1024
01:13:35.520 --> 01:13:44.080
so you choose it because god said you know it's similar to uh peter when he was um uh when he was

1025
01:13:44.880 --> 01:13:50.400
fishing all night remember he was he was working really hard he was fishing all night caught no

1026
01:13:50.400 --> 01:13:56.400
fish and then the next day he jesus came onto the boat you know borrowed his boat so he could speak

1027
01:13:56.400 --> 01:14:02.400
to the people and then he said hey throw your fit throw your net over the side of the boat

1028
01:14:02.400 --> 01:14:08.160
and peter's like master i know what i'm doing i'm a fisherman professionally i've done this all

1029
01:14:08.160 --> 01:14:14.160
night and it hasn't worked and jesus said do it again and so peter said okay i will do it simply

1030
01:14:14.160 --> 01:14:20.560
because you said so master because you said i will do it and so this and so this time he got

1031
01:14:20.560 --> 01:14:24.960
a different result than he'd gotten last time you know remember just like what you were saying yeah

1032
01:14:24.960 --> 01:14:29.840
but last time because this time what he's doing is he's not doing it based on his own effort

1033
01:14:29.840 --> 01:14:35.040
he's doing it based on the fact that god said in other words he's doing it on god's word he's

1034
01:14:35.040 --> 01:14:39.920
doing and that's what we have faith in we're having faith that god is who he says that he is

1035
01:14:39.920 --> 01:14:46.880
and and then and so jesus was like hey do this and so peter said i will do it based on your word

1036
01:14:47.440 --> 01:14:52.720
and then he got a different result anyway that's what creates different results

1037
01:14:52.720 --> 01:14:59.760
yeah but do you have anything else before we go yes well

1038
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.900
Well, I don't know how much time we have, but I wanted to, just two things.

1039
01:15:04.620 --> 01:15:10.020
And, um, the one thing is in the relationship with a guy that I really

1040
01:15:10.020 --> 01:15:18.360
like and that rejected me, um, I kind of find that hard to be in.

1041
01:15:18.560 --> 01:15:25.860
Um, and on Sunday, uh, we, um, I felt like God wanted me to go through it,

1042
01:15:25.860 --> 01:15:29.100
to not leave the church, to go through it, even though he's the worship leader

1043
01:15:29.100 --> 01:15:30.260
and he speaks and everything.

1044
01:15:30.260 --> 01:15:34.680
And I told you, I came to the service and I felt I could receive his worship.

1045
01:15:34.680 --> 01:15:36.180
I could receive who he was.

1046
01:15:36.740 --> 01:15:40.340
So this Sunday we had the first talk in half a year.

1047
01:15:40.380 --> 01:15:41.660
We haven't had any talk.

1048
01:15:43.020 --> 01:15:46.260
I've just been gone from the church until I felt like God told me to go through it.

1049
01:15:46.260 --> 01:15:50.420
And then I've just been there and just, we've smiled and said hi and

1050
01:15:50.420 --> 01:15:56.700
everything, but not like, so now.

1051
01:15:58.220 --> 01:15:58.820
I don't know.

1052
01:15:58.860 --> 01:16:04.300
So what I felt, so after that, I've been a bit of a emotional turmoil

1053
01:16:04.300 --> 01:16:10.980
again, because I talked to him and I realized that maybe all these things

1054
01:16:11.020 --> 01:16:15.180
that I was addressing in his life, maybe hasn't really sunk in.

1055
01:16:15.900 --> 01:16:19.260
So I think that rattled me a little bit because all the things that I went

1056
01:16:19.260 --> 01:16:25.180
through and it hasn't really, he hasn't really understood what I was trying to

1057
01:16:25.180 --> 01:16:28.540
tell him, or maybe it's not, he's not supposed to get that out of it.

1058
01:16:29.020 --> 01:16:30.340
But then I did it again.

1059
01:16:30.420 --> 01:16:34.820
And one of the, is the way his relationship with women, that people,

1060
01:16:34.980 --> 01:16:37.380
women get really hopes from him.

1061
01:16:37.380 --> 01:16:40.900
It seems like he has, doesn't have a lot of boundaries maybe.

1062
01:16:41.180 --> 01:16:44.780
So people fall, women fall in love with him and it's like a pattern.

1063
01:16:44.780 --> 01:16:51.020
So I was addressing it again in his life and he said, oh, so it seems because

1064
01:16:51.020 --> 01:16:53.940
he's like, yeah, I just thought that this is what happened when you have

1065
01:16:53.940 --> 01:16:55.900
girlfriends, that sometimes this happens.

1066
01:16:56.580 --> 01:17:02.260
And he said, but after I talked to him and I addressed it again, he said like,

1067
01:17:02.260 --> 01:17:07.940
oh, so it seems to me like I thought it's about this like surface, but now

1068
01:17:07.940 --> 01:17:12.380
I'm listening to you, it feels like it's this, this is what's going on.

1069
01:17:12.820 --> 01:17:16.140
And he said, I need to think about it, like what you said.

1070
01:17:17.220 --> 01:17:23.340
And, but for some reason that it just has really stirred me up and I was

1071
01:17:23.380 --> 01:17:26.820
pretty clear in addressing things and kind of saying that I don't think it's

1072
01:17:26.820 --> 01:17:28.980
just boy me hanging out with girl.

1073
01:17:28.980 --> 01:17:30.260
I think it's deeper issues.

1074
01:17:30.300 --> 01:17:33.420
Like I had a sense, what are you looking for in me?

1075
01:17:33.780 --> 01:17:36.380
Like, why do you have more girlfriends than guy friends?

1076
01:17:36.420 --> 01:17:37.540
What are you finding?

1077
01:17:37.980 --> 01:17:42.700
But, and I told him the story of myself being young and having lots of guy

1078
01:17:42.700 --> 01:17:47.500
friends, and then also, of course someone would fall in love with me and I would

1079
01:17:47.500 --> 01:17:49.260
fall in love with them and it would be like mess.

1080
01:17:50.220 --> 01:17:55.460
And then I realized that God spoke to me that, I was looking for my identity and

1081
01:17:55.460 --> 01:17:59.580
security and father figure and safety and a lot of things that I needed to find in

1082
01:17:59.580 --> 01:18:04.620
him and also in healthy girlfriends that are, well, of course it's different.

1083
01:18:05.180 --> 01:18:09.220
So I was sharing that with him and he said that he really needed to think about it.

1084
01:18:10.140 --> 01:18:16.420
But when it comes to rejection, I can tell because I really loved this guy and I

1085
01:18:16.420 --> 01:18:18.100
really hoped that I would marry him.

1086
01:18:18.100 --> 01:18:21.300
And I've never thought that about anyone before.

1087
01:18:22.140 --> 01:18:27.260
And I've had boyfriends that I didn't think I would marry necessarily, or I

1088
01:18:27.260 --> 01:18:31.460
wasn't sure, but this guy has been really special to me and he also

1089
01:18:31.460 --> 01:18:33.100
invited me back into worship.

1090
01:18:33.260 --> 01:18:41.940
So I think it just rattled my emotions just, okay, now we had this talk again.

1091
01:18:42.060 --> 01:18:45.260
There's a lot of things he hasn't seen about himself, but I'm addressing it again.

1092
01:18:45.260 --> 01:18:50.460
And he says that this time he will go deeper and try to understand what actually

1093
01:18:50.460 --> 01:18:53.900
is the reason why he ends up in relationship with hurting girls.

1094
01:18:53.900 --> 01:18:54.220
Sorry.

1095
01:18:55.180 --> 01:19:00.580
And also should I go back to worship again?

1096
01:19:01.220 --> 01:19:06.700
Because I still am in love with him in a way, or I'm not over him.

1097
01:19:07.660 --> 01:19:13.660
And also part of me see that I can really speak into his life and he's

1098
01:19:13.660 --> 01:19:17.340
allowing me to speak into his life and I can see that he needs it, that he

1099
01:19:17.340 --> 01:19:23.020
doesn't do it on his own, but then I don't know if that's very healthy to go

1100
01:19:23.020 --> 01:19:26.540
into that since I have feelings for him.

1101
01:19:27.540 --> 01:19:32.300
And so I see that I can speak into his life and he's welcoming it, but

1102
01:19:32.300 --> 01:19:33.540
he doesn't have feelings for me.

1103
01:19:33.540 --> 01:19:34.740
He doesn't want to marry me.

1104
01:19:35.980 --> 01:19:37.820
So how should I relate to him?

1105
01:19:37.860 --> 01:19:43.820
Should I go into worship or should I continue to speak into his life because

1106
01:19:43.820 --> 01:19:48.300
I see that it's needed and not that many other people are doing it, but then I

1107
01:19:48.300 --> 01:19:51.740
can potentially hurt myself because what I really want is a relationship with

1108
01:19:51.740 --> 01:19:52.940
him and I'm not getting that.

1109
01:19:53.660 --> 01:19:58.060
So would I go in and get false hopes because he is, and he doesn't have that

1110
01:19:59.420 --> 01:19:59.820
strict.

1111
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.520
He's like, when I told him that I couldn't hang out with him anymore, he got shook.

1112
01:20:05.520 --> 01:20:11.200
He was like shaken and rattled, but more like in the, oh my gosh, I can't talk to women anymore,

1113
01:20:11.200 --> 01:20:16.320
or I need to change my behavior. He didn't go to the deeper layer and ask what's going on

1114
01:20:16.320 --> 01:20:22.800
and why what's in me that triggers this response, or what am I seeking in her that makes her feel

1115
01:20:22.800 --> 01:20:28.080
like I'm interested when I'm not. So he just dealt with it in this layer, like I need to change my

1116
01:20:28.080 --> 01:20:33.360
behavior while I'm, and he's not going to the deeper layer of what's going on inside of him.

1117
01:20:35.360 --> 01:20:40.560
So only thing that God showed me was in August that I need to go through it.

1118
01:20:41.840 --> 01:20:50.960
And now after Sunday, I don't know how to proceed now that I got all this new information where he's

1119
01:20:50.960 --> 01:20:58.480
at. And also I see there's lots of things I could address in the worship and in my role in worship

1120
01:20:58.480 --> 01:21:02.880
and us leading worship together, that there are things that I could address and speak into his

1121
01:21:02.880 --> 01:21:11.360
life there, but I just don't know if it's healthy. And also, I guess I feel a bit threatened in that

1122
01:21:11.360 --> 01:21:18.080
relationship because I am in love and have feelings for him still. So it's not like going in and

1123
01:21:18.080 --> 01:21:22.160
helping a brother where you get, like, the boundaries are very clear. You've been friends

1124
01:21:22.160 --> 01:21:28.880
for a long time. You know, it's very safe. It's not like a safe place. So I was like, I don't even

1125
01:21:28.880 --> 01:21:34.560
know what I'm asking you about. Maybe I just wanted to share it, that that's like, yeah.

1126
01:21:34.560 --> 01:21:36.400
Something you're thinking about. Yeah.

1127
01:21:37.120 --> 01:21:43.680
Yeah. Well, well, you know, did you have a question about it or did you just decide,

1128
01:21:44.080 --> 01:21:45.280
just wanted to like share it?

1129
01:21:47.760 --> 01:21:52.240
If you have any thoughts coming up when I'm sharing, is there anything you're like,

1130
01:21:53.440 --> 01:21:54.480
if you don't, that's fine.

1131
01:21:58.880 --> 01:22:08.800
Well, a few different things. One is as interesting of a perspective as this might be,

1132
01:22:09.680 --> 01:22:20.160
you speaking into his life is a, it's from the, from the viewpoint of God and how he values things.

1133
01:22:20.880 --> 01:22:27.760
It's a very precious thing. And it would be a, it would be a privilege for him.

1134
01:22:28.720 --> 01:22:37.360
Here's the thing though. I don't believe that. I mean, usually, you know, how to put that.

1135
01:22:39.520 --> 01:22:45.600
That I talked to I don't remember if it was on a rest group or on a fireside chat, maybe it was

1136
01:22:45.600 --> 01:22:54.640
the fireside chat on Thursday that someone asked a question. I think it was it was Kate. I believe

1137
01:22:54.640 --> 01:23:00.480
he was talking about, he was asking question. What do I do when you run into such and such

1138
01:23:00.480 --> 01:23:04.800
a situation? Oh, maybe it was like a couple of Sundays ago for a rest group. Anyway, it was

1139
01:23:04.800 --> 01:23:10.800
about, you know, well, what do we do when we when we see something that needs to be,

1140
01:23:11.360 --> 01:23:17.200
when we see a problem in somebody else's life, or we're wanting to protect someone from something.

1141
01:23:17.840 --> 01:23:21.840
And what do we do? And I said, well, it depends on the authority that you have in their life.

1142
01:23:22.720 --> 01:23:33.680
Do you have, it has God given you the place in that person's life and the authority to carry

1143
01:23:35.760 --> 01:23:44.240
and to, to, in other words, to address or to deal with something? And so has that been given to

1144
01:23:44.240 --> 01:23:51.680
you? Because if not, as much as we do something, because we love someone else, or we want to,

1145
01:23:51.680 --> 01:23:58.800
you know, because Oh, well, I just love him as a as just as a brother. And I'm wanting him

1146
01:23:58.800 --> 01:24:04.080
his life to be better and happier and healthier. And I'm seeing this problem. So even if we can't

1147
01:24:04.080 --> 01:24:09.520
get back together, I, I want him to at least know this about himself and be able to have,

1148
01:24:09.520 --> 01:24:14.880
have a healthier life. Or you give you it from the perspective of, well, I really hope this

1149
01:24:14.880 --> 01:24:21.280
area of his life gets fixed, so that any obstacle between us can be removed, whichever, whichever

1150
01:24:21.280 --> 01:24:25.520
approach that we might make to a situation, even if it's just like, oh, just him as a brother,

1151
01:24:25.520 --> 01:24:33.440
you know, I just want him to know these things. And it we, our relationship with them may not be

1152
01:24:33.440 --> 01:24:39.520
at the place that gives us the authority to speak that degree of intimacy into their lives.

1153
01:24:40.320 --> 01:24:47.280
Like, for instance, so just because you know, you've known him doesn't mean Oh,

1154
01:24:48.800 --> 01:24:54.480
sorry, just just because you've known him, just because we know people or have had history with

1155
01:24:54.480 --> 01:24:59.840
them doesn't mean that we have the place in their life given to us by

1156
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.160
God to speak certain things into their, into their lives. Now, maybe you used to, and maybe

1157
01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:10.720
you don't anymore kind of a thing. I don't mean that they don't necessarily allow you to,

1158
01:25:10.720 --> 01:25:16.400
they might allow you to, in fact, they might ask you to, but has God given it to you?

1159
01:25:16.960 --> 01:25:27.760
Is it healthy? Or has God, or has God drawn a bit of a, um, uh, a boundary or a, uh, I don't

1160
01:25:27.760 --> 01:25:33.520
mean a separation, but kind of like a boundary between the two of y'all of like, well, no,

1161
01:25:33.520 --> 01:25:40.960
that kind of talk is intimate and it is a, it's special and it's a blessing and it's a privilege.

1162
01:25:41.520 --> 01:25:45.680
And this person, I'm not saying this about this person. I'm just like throwing out ideas

1163
01:25:45.680 --> 01:25:52.560
for you to talk about the word. Maybe that person hasn't, um, because of what they're

1164
01:25:52.560 --> 01:26:01.920
not willing to offer up themselves to you. Do they, uh, Oh, what's the word? Um, maybe they

1165
01:26:01.920 --> 01:26:11.520
are not appropriately, um, holding the, holding the place for you. How, how'd you, Oh man,

1166
01:26:11.520 --> 01:26:19.680
I know what I'm trying to say. Um, uh, like basically, are you giving more to them than

1167
01:26:19.680 --> 01:26:27.600
they're giving to you of love and care and offering of yourself, even in love or whatever.

1168
01:26:27.600 --> 01:26:36.080
And it's unbalanced because, because a man generally speaking needs to offer more of that

1169
01:26:36.080 --> 01:26:43.120
than a woman, especially initiatingly until they're providing and until they're willing

1170
01:26:43.120 --> 01:26:50.720
to sacrifice themselves. Remember Ephesians six about a man needs to love his wife to the,

1171
01:26:50.720 --> 01:26:57.680
to his own, to the, to like more than his own life. And if he's not willing to offer that

1172
01:26:58.560 --> 01:27:05.760
a woman, um, then before, because if he's willing to offer that, then when a woman accepts that

1173
01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:10.320
accepts the position under that covering that authority, that willing for him to sacrifice for

1174
01:27:10.320 --> 01:27:16.720
her, whatever, then a husband and wife will go through seasons in which sometimes the wife is

1175
01:27:16.720 --> 01:27:21.040
carrying more than the husband. Cause the husband's just going through a difficult season, a difficult

1176
01:27:21.040 --> 01:27:26.720
time, but that's the, but they it's been established. Their relationship has been established

1177
01:27:26.720 --> 01:27:31.680
on the fact that he's providing her covering. He's willing to sacrifice for, he's just going

1178
01:27:31.680 --> 01:27:36.640
through a hard time. So the woman starts carrying a bit more of the load in certain seasons of the

1179
01:27:36.640 --> 01:27:42.960
marriage, just because maybe he's going through depression, whatever, but that's different than,

1180
01:27:42.960 --> 01:27:48.560
because that is the, the relationship has been established because the guy offered it first

1181
01:27:48.560 --> 01:27:54.720
and she is providing all of that, all of that nurturing and whatever underneath still his

1182
01:27:54.720 --> 01:27:59.920
covering protection, his initiation. But what, what we as women have a tendency to do, because

1183
01:27:59.920 --> 01:28:05.600
that's the helper we want to help, want to help. We want to nurture, but that was a privilege that

1184
01:28:05.600 --> 01:28:11.040
a man, and I don't mean this in a, in a working in a stressful way, but that a man has to earn

1185
01:28:12.160 --> 01:28:17.280
that privilege of us providing that for him by him being willing to sacrifice for us.

1186
01:28:17.280 --> 01:28:22.240
But if he is not providing that covering and we're trying to provide all of this nurturing,

1187
01:28:22.240 --> 01:28:29.680
everything in the relationship is out of balance. So good. Does that make sense? Yeah, this is so

1188
01:28:29.760 --> 01:28:36.560
good, Ashley. Yeah. So what you're doing, I think that's like, I kind of want to help him,

1189
01:28:37.280 --> 01:28:41.680
but he hasn't really asked for the help. He's just very open if I'm there.

1190
01:28:41.680 --> 01:28:49.680
Yeah. But even if he's asked for it, is he willing to provide for you what, what you need

1191
01:28:49.680 --> 01:28:57.360
in order to be able to support him or, you know, in a godly balanced relationship, or is he like a

1192
01:28:57.360 --> 01:29:03.840
little boy meeting a mom, even though he acts like a man in this area, is he a little boy of

1193
01:29:03.840 --> 01:29:10.000
like, no, no, I want your insight. I want whatever he wants. What did a man sometimes wants what a

1194
01:29:10.000 --> 01:29:17.520
woman can give him without, as long as it doesn't require any responsibility on his part to emotionally

1195
01:29:17.520 --> 01:29:24.320
be responsible for her. And God wants the emotional, but he doesn't want to do the commitment.

1196
01:29:24.320 --> 01:29:30.880
Correct. Yeah. And be angry at him because I'm giving and giving and he's not committing,

1197
01:29:30.880 --> 01:29:36.400
even if it's in a friendship. Correct. And so the situation that you're in is honestly very,

1198
01:29:36.400 --> 01:29:43.600
very, very common is in because women want to provide this for men, because that's our,

1199
01:29:43.600 --> 01:29:49.680
that's our wiring. And a man doesn't want to provide responsibility unless he has to.

1200
01:29:50.400 --> 01:29:55.280
That's part of the reason I know it's totally different scenario, but you know, like why buy

1201
01:29:55.280 --> 01:29:59.840
the cow if you can get the milk for free. And I know that that's usually referring to a sexual

1202
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.920
type of a situation, but even in this case, yeah, why would you, why would he want to

1203
01:30:06.920 --> 01:30:07.920
do that?

1204
01:30:07.920 --> 01:30:12.280
If he could get a best friend in me and me asking him all the good questions and listening

1205
01:30:12.280 --> 01:30:17.280
to him and speaking to his life, like why would he ever commit to me or any other woman?

1206
01:30:17.280 --> 01:30:18.280
Correct.

1207
01:30:18.280 --> 01:30:21.480
And then from his girlfriends, like girlfriends.

1208
01:30:21.480 --> 01:30:22.600
Yeah.

1209
01:30:22.600 --> 01:30:27.320
And sometimes women are okay with the situation like that, Oh, as long as we can be best friends

1210
01:30:27.320 --> 01:30:28.320
or whatever.

1211
01:30:28.320 --> 01:30:29.320
No, no, no.

1212
01:30:29.320 --> 01:30:30.320
I'm not.

1213
01:30:30.320 --> 01:30:35.400
Because women want the connection that they're willing to hold out hope that maybe the connection

1214
01:30:35.400 --> 01:30:36.400
will build up.

1215
01:30:36.400 --> 01:30:37.400
That's what he said.

1216
01:30:37.400 --> 01:30:38.400
He said that most women have wanted this.

1217
01:30:38.400 --> 01:30:39.400
So I've told him.

1218
01:30:39.400 --> 01:30:44.360
So he says like, I have been backing off the last six months because of our relationship.

1219
01:30:44.360 --> 01:30:47.880
And I said, good, that's been really, really good and healthy.

1220
01:30:47.880 --> 01:30:49.040
And now I'm safer with you.

1221
01:30:49.040 --> 01:30:51.160
I know where our boundaries are.

1222
01:30:51.160 --> 01:30:52.160
And he was really surprised.

1223
01:30:52.160 --> 01:30:54.000
He's like, that's weird.

1224
01:30:54.000 --> 01:30:56.400
Most women usually want the other thing.

1225
01:30:56.480 --> 01:31:02.680
They want the me to validate them and confirm and kind of meet them in their emotions.

1226
01:31:02.680 --> 01:31:04.760
And he's like, but you want this.

1227
01:31:04.760 --> 01:31:07.840
You don't want me to give you all this attention.

1228
01:31:07.840 --> 01:31:10.080
And I said, so he said that that was weird to him.

1229
01:31:10.080 --> 01:31:16.080
And I said, yes, that doesn't feel safe when you give me all these.

1230
01:31:16.080 --> 01:31:17.080
If you should.

1231
01:31:17.080 --> 01:31:18.080
Yeah.

1232
01:31:18.080 --> 01:31:19.080
Yeah.

1233
01:31:19.080 --> 01:31:22.040
So anyway, in case that's in case that's helpful.

1234
01:31:22.040 --> 01:31:28.880
So just think of it in this perspective of, um, that you're so value you according to

1235
01:31:28.880 --> 01:31:34.600
what, who God says that, uh, according to what God says that, um, according to how God

1236
01:31:34.600 --> 01:31:36.760
says that you are valuable.

1237
01:31:36.760 --> 01:31:38.360
So value you like that.

1238
01:31:38.360 --> 01:31:43.560
And so he has to, this other guy has to value you like that in order to be able to receive

1239
01:31:43.560 --> 01:31:49.800
the benefit of, of you sacrificing yourself through nurturing, or you pouring into, or

1240
01:31:49.800 --> 01:31:51.920
you speaking into his life or whatever.

1241
01:31:52.800 --> 01:31:57.680
That's a privilege that he's supposed to cover you before he gets that so to speak.

1242
01:31:57.680 --> 01:32:07.040
I mean, there's an, yeah, the book is so good anyway, but honor what it is that, that you

1243
01:32:07.040 --> 01:32:11.440
are offering of yourself to him, because it means that that's a good thing that got placed

1244
01:32:11.440 --> 01:32:19.560
in you, that you are willing to do, but you just, just do it though, with the people that

1245
01:32:19.560 --> 01:32:27.920
are willing to, that are, that, um, uh, that, uh, are treating, uh, that are emotionally

1246
01:32:27.920 --> 01:32:34.640
being responsible to God for you, for you to allow you to do that.

1247
01:32:34.640 --> 01:32:36.560
You know, uh, does that make sense?

1248
01:32:36.560 --> 01:32:37.560
Yeah.

1249
01:32:37.560 --> 01:32:38.560
Yeah.

1250
01:32:38.560 --> 01:32:41.680
In other words, make sure that it's a healthy two-way street before you do that.

1251
01:32:41.680 --> 01:32:46.920
There are certain people, especially certain women or children that we do offer more of

1252
01:32:46.920 --> 01:32:48.680
ourselves to than they're offering to us.

1253
01:32:48.800 --> 01:32:53.400
I'm not saying that I'm talking about a guy, girl relationship, very specifically in a

1254
01:32:53.400 --> 01:32:58.360
case of like anything potentially romantic that, you know, he has to come in and provide

1255
01:32:58.360 --> 01:33:04.000
that covering, you know, before you, so any, but before he gets the privilege of you pouring

1256
01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:09.040
into him, because basically you're offering is sacrificially for him while he's not willing

1257
01:33:09.040 --> 01:33:10.720
to sacrifice for you.

1258
01:33:10.720 --> 01:33:15.600
And it's very backwards because he's supposed to do it first.

1259
01:33:15.600 --> 01:33:20.360
He's supposed to provide you the environment for you to nurture, and he's not creating

1260
01:33:20.360 --> 01:33:23.640
an environment for you to nurture.

1261
01:33:23.640 --> 01:33:30.240
So, but it's not, I mean, and we don't want to get onto him and say, oh, that's just that

1262
01:33:30.240 --> 01:33:35.840
both of y'all are acting, so to speak, you know, appropriately, it just doesn't mesh

1263
01:33:35.840 --> 01:33:36.840
together.

1264
01:33:36.840 --> 01:33:43.160
You know, like you're nurturing has a specific environment it needs to come into in order

1265
01:33:43.160 --> 01:33:48.880
to be allowed to operate, because it's very good, but he's just not providing the environment

1266
01:33:48.880 --> 01:33:51.480
that yours is needing and vice versa.

1267
01:33:51.480 --> 01:33:56.080
So I'm going to end up being mad at him.

1268
01:33:56.080 --> 01:34:01.840
That actually might be healthy, just because even though we don't think of that as being

1269
01:34:01.840 --> 01:34:11.580
healthy or whatever, there's, there's some way in which there, there it's, it just kind

1270
01:34:11.580 --> 01:34:18.900
of allows you to go through, like, to process through something with the Lord.

1271
01:34:18.900 --> 01:34:22.340
And yeah, anyway, so.

1272
01:34:22.340 --> 01:34:23.340
Thank you so much.

1273
01:34:23.340 --> 01:34:24.340
That was so helpful.

1274
01:34:24.340 --> 01:34:27.340
Yes, that was so good.

1275
01:34:27.340 --> 01:34:28.340
Yeah.

1276
01:34:28.340 --> 01:34:32.540
I just felt like I'm going to open the door because it's, it's hot.

1277
01:34:32.540 --> 01:34:33.540
Go ahead.

1278
01:34:33.540 --> 01:34:38.380
Yeah, I just felt like that just shone a light on that.

1279
01:34:38.380 --> 01:34:43.660
I felt like you just prevented me from going into something that I think I would have regretted.

1280
01:34:43.660 --> 01:34:44.660
Yeah.

1281
01:34:44.660 --> 01:34:50.660
You just like shone a light on like, this is my emotional needs and I want to give to

1282
01:34:50.660 --> 01:34:58.620
him because I'm interested, but actually he has never provided commitment or what will

1283
01:34:58.620 --> 01:34:59.780
make me feel safe.

1284
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.780
will do it if I do it and not feeling safe. And then after a

1285
01:35:03.780 --> 01:35:06.660
while, it will turn into resentment, because why isn't he

1286
01:35:06.660 --> 01:35:11.180
providing? And I'm giving and giving? And why is he not, you

1287
01:35:11.180 --> 01:35:14.700
know, and then as long as he hasn't done that, I think I

1288
01:35:14.700 --> 01:35:19.140
should be, I can be around him and be casual and friendly. But

1289
01:35:19.140 --> 01:35:22.540
I don't think we should go into the speak into his life or

1290
01:35:22.540 --> 01:35:24.020
nurture or meet his needs.

1291
01:35:24.020 --> 01:35:28.980
Even if he asks for it, because he's not providing for the for

1292
01:35:28.980 --> 01:35:32.460
the whatever. Yeah. And for the environment for you to do that

1293
01:35:32.460 --> 01:35:36.340
to receive the privilege of you doing that. Yeah, there was

1294
01:35:36.340 --> 01:35:40.300
something else. But yeah, good. I'm glad that that's helpful.

1295
01:35:40.380 --> 01:35:44.980
But what was the last thing was that I watched your video about

1296
01:35:44.980 --> 01:35:50.380
losing weight. And I that really touched me. I thought I'm going

1297
01:35:50.380 --> 01:35:56.620
to watch it again. Because I've long story short, I've gone up

1298
01:35:56.620 --> 01:36:01.220
and down and wait for several years. And I lost lots of weight

1299
01:36:01.220 --> 01:36:04.420
and gained some lost and gained some and you know, the whole

1300
01:36:04.420 --> 01:36:08.500
story, you shared your story about that, too. And I've come

1301
01:36:08.500 --> 01:36:14.220
to a point where I'm not like, I'm not overweight in any way.

1302
01:36:14.700 --> 01:36:20.420
But and I've come to a point where I feel hopeless, like

1303
01:36:20.420 --> 01:36:22.980
I've done everything in the book, I've worked out, I've had

1304
01:36:22.980 --> 01:36:27.060
eating, really, really strict with eating. And then what spoke

1305
01:36:27.060 --> 01:36:30.980
to me, and then I think and I worked out tons. So then this

1306
01:36:30.980 --> 01:36:35.980
May, I told you this summer, I was burnt out. And I stopped

1307
01:36:35.980 --> 01:36:39.620
working out and stopped eating the best way that I could. And I

1308
01:36:39.620 --> 01:36:42.260
think since then, I've just been living in hopelessness with it.

1309
01:36:42.580 --> 01:36:45.620
And kind of thinking that I'm putting on weight, I can feel it

1310
01:36:45.660 --> 01:36:50.340
that I don't feel I'm hopeless. I've tried these different

1311
01:36:50.340 --> 01:36:53.220
things. It's gone up and down for 10 years, and it's working,

1312
01:36:53.220 --> 01:36:58.340
not working. And I can't I know what it requires physically to

1313
01:36:58.340 --> 01:37:01.700
do, and I can't do it. And I don't have I don't believe it's

1314
01:37:01.700 --> 01:37:05.300
going to happen. So why start so last year, I worked out a lot,

1315
01:37:05.780 --> 01:37:08.540
and was pretty strict, and I didn't lose any weight. So then

1316
01:37:08.540 --> 01:37:12.140
I'm like, I need to do a harder effort than I did last year. And

1317
01:37:12.140 --> 01:37:15.660
I barely made it last year. And now I'm not motivated. So and I

1318
01:37:15.660 --> 01:37:20.980
didn't even lose weight. So then I thought, Oh, my gosh,

1319
01:37:20.980 --> 01:37:23.900
you're talking about this, that it's possible to have hope in

1320
01:37:23.900 --> 01:37:29.460
this. And maybe it's possible to lose without putting the really

1321
01:37:29.460 --> 01:37:32.620
strict rules on me that I've lived under. Yeah, that I'm

1322
01:37:32.620 --> 01:37:35.500
still living under, like I'm living partly under rules,

1323
01:37:35.500 --> 01:37:39.220
partly under hopelessness, like, I'm not Bob's, I'm not going to

1324
01:37:39.220 --> 01:37:42.340
work out anymore, because I don't have motivation. But I

1325
01:37:42.340 --> 01:37:45.740
still try to eat very little or not too much and watch what I

1326
01:37:45.740 --> 01:37:51.500
eat. But it's, it's, I feel like I'm a bit bound by it. And that

1327
01:37:51.780 --> 01:37:54.580
I don't I thought that the reason why I'm holding on, like

1328
01:37:54.580 --> 01:37:57.420
I've had a lot of stress and anxiety in my life. And I

1329
01:37:57.420 --> 01:38:00.340
thought sometimes that I think I have a lot like I heard

1330
01:38:02.140 --> 01:38:05.860
professionals tell me that fear sits in the stomach, the feeling

1331
01:38:05.860 --> 01:38:10.420
of fear. So I thought that, and that is where I'm gaining weight

1332
01:38:10.420 --> 01:38:14.260
is in my stomach around my waist. Fascinating thought that

1333
01:38:15.620 --> 01:38:19.140
I think I'm holding on to something like it's fear,

1334
01:38:19.140 --> 01:38:23.420
anxiety, and maybe in holding on to the fact so that I'm not

1335
01:38:23.420 --> 01:38:26.460
releasing it. And then I'm putting on rules how to eat and

1336
01:38:26.460 --> 01:38:29.980
how to work out. And what happens is that I stopped

1337
01:38:29.980 --> 01:38:32.900
breathing. And what I thought when I watched your video was

1338
01:38:32.900 --> 01:38:36.860
like, I just need to start breathing. Because I don't

1339
01:38:36.860 --> 01:38:40.060
breathe from my stomach because you get this like, I just need

1340
01:38:40.060 --> 01:38:43.020
to hold my stomach in so no one sees that I put on weight there

1341
01:38:43.020 --> 01:38:44.860
or that I shouldn't have in that area.

1342
01:38:47.740 --> 01:38:51.140
Yeah. And then also you notice what I was talking about with

1343
01:38:51.140 --> 01:38:55.460
the in the losing weight that to love and accept your body just

1344
01:38:55.460 --> 01:38:58.860
the way that it is without requiring it without emotionally

1345
01:38:58.860 --> 01:39:02.180
requiring it to change. We can tell our body and tell ourselves

1346
01:39:02.180 --> 01:39:04.980
all we want. Oh, no, I don't require you to change. But then

1347
01:39:04.980 --> 01:39:07.660
we can get really upset at it that it's gaining weight when we

1348
01:39:07.700 --> 01:39:11.700
eat certain things, and it's not losing it. Well, then it doesn't

1349
01:39:11.700 --> 01:39:16.340
feel accepted. And so we have to fully accept it for what it is

1350
01:39:16.340 --> 01:39:20.020
where it is without emotionally putting any kind of restrictions

1351
01:39:20.020 --> 01:39:23.660
on it about how it acts. And then it will feel safe enough to

1352
01:39:23.660 --> 01:39:27.620
start dropping it. It needs to feel safe with us. Does that

1353
01:39:27.620 --> 01:39:32.100
make sense? Hmm. Yeah, so we need to love and accept our body

1354
01:39:32.100 --> 01:39:36.020
exactly where it is without requiring it ever to change in

1355
01:39:36.020 --> 01:39:40.460
our life. It needs to be fully accepted by us. Like we like our

1356
01:39:40.460 --> 01:39:44.380
body. It's not the enemy. It's not. We don't get on to it. We

1357
01:39:44.500 --> 01:39:48.020
we I don't know, we just love it. We value it. We we honor it.

1358
01:39:48.020 --> 01:39:51.860
We appreciate everything it's doing for us. You know, we and

1359
01:39:52.020 --> 01:39:55.340
we appreciate the fact that it has been gaining weight because

1360
01:39:55.340 --> 01:39:59.300
it's been trying to protect us with, you know, that kind of a

1361
01:39:59.300 --> 01:39:59.740
thing.

1362
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.960
It's not that we like it, we appreciate what it's trying to do in order to protect us,

1363
01:40:06.960 --> 01:40:13.680
and then it will feel safe enough to start being healthier, to start dropping the weight,

1364
01:40:13.680 --> 01:40:19.360
because if you're providing its protection and its safety, it no longer feels the need to try

1365
01:40:19.360 --> 01:40:26.560
to work hard to protect itself. So it can shift back into its default state, which is to be

1366
01:40:26.560 --> 01:40:33.920
healthy, which is to be at a healthy weight instead of having extra, etc. That's really

1367
01:40:33.920 --> 01:40:40.320
the big thing, is to accept your body exactly where it is, without requiring it to change,

1368
01:40:40.320 --> 01:40:46.640
and then you'll watch it start to drop it. And then you exercise because it's what you want to do,

1369
01:40:47.280 --> 01:40:52.720
it's what you are giving to yourself, not because you're not satisfied with your body,

1370
01:40:52.720 --> 01:40:56.240
you're not pleased with your body, you're mad at your body and you're trying to fix it,

1371
01:40:56.880 --> 01:41:06.400
then the exercise won't work. If it works, you will have to probably exercise, I don't know,

1372
01:41:06.400 --> 01:41:11.040
one and a half, if not two times harder, in order to lose the same amount of weight,

1373
01:41:11.040 --> 01:41:15.760
than you would if you just loved and accepted your body. So in the same thing with like eating

1374
01:41:15.840 --> 01:41:23.600
or whatever, so you eat according to what it is that you desire, the kind of life that you want

1375
01:41:23.600 --> 01:41:37.920
to give yourself, as opposed to you being upset at your body and trying to react a particular way

1376
01:41:37.920 --> 01:41:42.240
when you eat these things, and to not act a particular way or get upset that it's acting

1377
01:41:42.240 --> 01:41:46.960
a particular way when you eat these things, then it's making your body the enemy. So you have to

1378
01:41:46.960 --> 01:41:51.520
stop seeing your body as the enemy and love and accept it for what it is. That's what makes the

1379
01:41:51.520 --> 01:42:00.800
difference. So does that make sense? Okay. Yeah. It's a really big shift, but it makes all the

1380
01:42:00.800 --> 01:42:05.920
difference in the world. And I've had, um, and so it, it made all the difference in the world for,

1381
01:42:05.920 --> 01:42:11.520
for my health and, um, it has for other people's as well. This one person in particular that I

1382
01:42:11.520 --> 01:42:20.000
gave the testimony of, and that said that she, um, uh, that she lost weight, um, while she was

1383
01:42:20.000 --> 01:42:26.160
pregnant, she lost a lot or, or at least part of the time while she was pregnant, she, she lost this

1384
01:42:26.160 --> 01:42:33.360
weight. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So it's while she was pregnant that she finally started losing weight

1385
01:42:33.360 --> 01:42:38.000
while she was pregnant, she started losing the weight because she finally started loving and

1386
01:42:38.000 --> 01:42:43.920
accepting her body as it was. So obviously you can't diet and exercise the same way when you're

1387
01:42:43.920 --> 01:42:49.920
pregnant as you can when you're not pregnant. And she's finally, and so she was dieting and she was

1388
01:42:49.920 --> 01:42:54.240
exercising so really hard before she got pregnant. And then after she was pregnant, she wasn't able

1389
01:42:54.240 --> 01:42:58.560
to do it to the same degree. And that's when she started losing weight because she just chose

1390
01:42:58.560 --> 01:43:03.520
instead to approach it from this perspective of 11, except my body, what it is as it is.

1391
01:43:03.520 --> 01:43:09.280
And I don't know how many months it took her, but, um, uh, like, uh, but she said while she

1392
01:43:09.280 --> 01:43:13.520
was pregnant and then a little bit after, like, she told me this testimony, maybe like two or

1393
01:43:13.520 --> 01:43:18.800
three months after she had the baby, she said, Ashley in total, I've lost 31 pounds.

1394
01:43:20.000 --> 01:43:24.720
She said, and I started that while I was pregnant. And she said, it's because I was shifting into

1395
01:43:24.720 --> 01:43:29.600
rest. I was just choosing to love my body instead of treating my body like the enemy. Why isn't it

1396
01:43:29.600 --> 01:43:34.640
losing weight? Why is it gaining weight? Why isn't it like this? Why is it like that? And why

1397
01:43:34.640 --> 01:43:39.920
isn't it cooperating and why not whatever, you know, and she, and that was making the body not

1398
01:43:39.920 --> 01:43:45.440
feel safe with her. And so it was going into self-protection mode. And so a body's tendency

1399
01:43:45.440 --> 01:43:50.720
to self-protect is to, um, for one thing, it thinks it's a victim to everything. So it has

1400
01:43:50.720 --> 01:43:58.000
a tendency to succumb to, to either turn on itself in an auto-immune disease or to, um, to come

1401
01:43:58.000 --> 01:44:02.960
against, uh, or to think that it's subject to everything that could come against all the viruses,

1402
01:44:02.960 --> 01:44:08.640
all the, whatever has a propensity to get sick, et cetera. I said, or it is. So that's one of the

1403
01:44:08.640 --> 01:44:14.400
ways that it's that it reacts is it thinks it's a victim. It thinks it's, you know, subject to all

1404
01:44:14.400 --> 01:44:22.400
of these bad things happening. And then also it has a tendency to gain and to keep on fat because

1405
01:44:22.400 --> 01:44:27.120
that is how a body tends to protect itself. It's how a body tends to prepare itself for the winter

1406
01:44:27.120 --> 01:44:32.240
very naturally is to start putting on weight, even, even, you know, just even like a dog,

1407
01:44:32.240 --> 01:44:37.120
a dog will start growing more hair in the winter before the winter in order to prepare for the

1408
01:44:37.120 --> 01:44:42.880
winter. That's what it bought its body does ours tends to pack on fat. Um, it, and it's doing that

1409
01:44:42.880 --> 01:44:50.480
to protect us. So anyway, if the body no longer needs to self-protect because you, as your spirit

1410
01:44:50.480 --> 01:44:56.720
are providing protection, um, and it feels that because it feels safe with your, with your spirit,

1411
01:44:57.120 --> 01:45:00.080
then it'll start dropping the weight. Cause it no longer needs to.

1412
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.000
to use its own modalities to protect itself. It lets you do that.

1413
01:45:07.000 --> 01:45:13.000
Anyway, thank you. You're welcome.

1414
01:45:13.000 --> 01:45:18.000
Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I will let that sink in.

1415
01:45:18.000 --> 01:45:32.000
So again, all of this, all of these conversations are coming back to, you know, receive God's love, choose that you are loved, and you are one with him to the degree says that you are.

1416
01:45:32.000 --> 01:45:45.000
And all of these things will start to ironing out to start our will start ironing out without you working on it yourself without you even being focused on it.

1417
01:45:46.000 --> 01:45:48.000
So yeah.

1418
01:45:48.000 --> 01:45:55.000
Well, it's good to visit with you. Thank you so much. Yeah, I was going to talk to you. Yes.

1419
01:45:55.000 --> 01:46:03.000
Thank you so much that gave me a lot to think about and pray about. Very, very good and helpful and I'm glad I can watch it again.

1420
01:46:03.000 --> 01:46:05.000
Yeah, absolutely.

1421
01:46:05.000 --> 01:46:13.000
All right, well good to see you. Yeah. See you again later. Bye. Bye.