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I see you and I can hear you.

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Can you see and hear me?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think that I think we're better now.

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Much better.

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Yeah.

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Just needed a reset.

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So anyway, I thought why I've never had this problem and I was like, and then I suddenly

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I glanced down.

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I was like, I'm unplugged.

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But anyway, so go ahead.

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You were talking about the fact that, you know, this, it's, it's not so bad anymore

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because you realize that, oh, well, no, this is just allowing the thing to no longer stay

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there and to come up.

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And I now have the opportunity to let it up and out and it's just part of the process.

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So exactly, exactly.

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And I think, again, everything's circling around, well, you know, I think the out, if

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I could like frame it, it's that releasing the outcome, but also learning how to operate

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with a mature will and something that you, so Kate, I saw that Kate had, it popped up

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in my newsfeed because Kate had commented once again on your, you posted it the first

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week of our intensive about overwhelm and you talked about responsibility, which was

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interesting because that was such a theme in our group last night.

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Because I feel like, I think I feel such a high sense of responsibility.

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And when I feel responsible, yet no authority in the situation, there's like this really

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like tumultuous disconnect, if you will.

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And so yesterday, you know, Hannah's in a phase where she's exerting her will, like

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she's discovering, I do have a will.

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She's just in that natural phase where there's tantrums and there's breakdowns.

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And then I have a husband with a really strong will, like, you know, he's a go getter.

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He's a maker of happen.

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He is, and he has a high sense of responsibility too, right?

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Like that's something that can be a strength until it's not a strength.

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And so just in my home environment yesterday, I'm like, can someone just do it my way?

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That's hilarious.

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Can I win at least once today?

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Can I just please?

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And I just had this breakdown and it was in front of Bruce and I was able to like just

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verbalize like, hey, this is what I'm feeling.

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I am feeling such a loss of control because I have, I am in a, how, and I think this is

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part of the tension with like, even what I was expressing in our last transformation

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call with his parents and family, his family culture.

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So it's a, it's a family of leaders and everyone has very strong wills.

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And I think it manifests in some unhealthy ways, especially after trauma, which is what

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we kind of unpacked even last call.

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But it's like, I lose my, I realize, I didn't realize this, but I like, because I was explaining

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to you with his parents, like, I just kind of shut down because I'm like, I don't want

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to tell the truth and I don't want to lie.

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And so I just kind of withdraw and then I'm like kind of silent.

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And I realized it's actually, it's not, it's, it's a, you know, where I would have maybe

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attributed that to the past of like being a people pleaser, trying to be a peacekeeper.

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It's actually like a will problem.

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Like it's me not, I don't feel like I'm showing up with a mature will in the situation and

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therefore I kind of diminish myself.

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And then I'm really resentful and frustrated and I don't know why, you know, or, you know,

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and so anyway, all that to say yesterday, I kind of, it was all like hitting the fan

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and there's a lot of things that I'm still processing with the Lord, but the responsibility

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piece for me, I think was an aha moment in yesterday and last night's call, because feeling

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responsible for people's responses.

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And to the point of, I can see it, but also I'm having a really hard time letting it go

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because I feel like I've been raised with this sense of like, it's attached to like

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godly character.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Correct.

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And so that's been like hard for me when I'm wanting to exert my will because it feels

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prideful, it feels pushy, it feels messy.

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So you added some clarity in one of our Q&A sessions, because I was even just maybe even

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confused with like, what does it mean to choose me?

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And like, what does that look like?

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And you even talked about it in like, hey, this isn't about like you choosing yourself

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over another person.

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So I feel like I'm putting pieces together, but it's in the moment.

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of like, you know, you're just like, wait a minute.

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I feel like I have pieces of understanding,

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but I'm struggling because it feels

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like an entirely new operating system

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that I'm learning of just how do I relate to others?

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Releasing them from the expectation of change,

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you know, like they might not change.

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And I like how to, but there's not me

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like removing myself entirely from their lives

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because this is family.

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And so I know I'm just throwing a lot at you.

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I'm verbally.

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Yeah, you're just really processing.

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You're just like, well, there's this going on.

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And then there's this and all the connections.

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I think with Bruce and I, like it was the fact

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that I could verbalize like, hey,

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this is just what I'm feeling.

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I felt like he received it.

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It wasn't like we really knew what to do with it.

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Cause like, you know, it's just another level

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of us learning to trust each other.

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And in certain dynamic, we're doing so much together.

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Like we're not just married to each other.

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We're running a business together

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and this ministry piece together and stuff like that.

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And so there's a lot of, you know,

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we carry different perspectives when there's a healthy trust

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that it runs really smoothly, but when we're trying to,

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especially when we're in innovation mode

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or trying something new, like it's, you know,

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I'm like wanting to share my insight.

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And he's thinking so much quicker than I am.

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And like, what about this?

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What about this?

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I'm like, can you just hold on for a second?

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So I'm not, I think I'm not so worried

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about that piece as much because I feel

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like we've been in this dynamic before

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and I was actually hope-filled

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because I've felt the tension before

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but I've never been able to articulate it quite

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like I was yesterday of like, hey,

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I'm just feeling oppressed with, you know,

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before if it was just you and your strong will,

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there was some relief if, you know,

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I could step away and come back,

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but now it's like, I step away from you

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and I'm like with Hannah and her strong will, you know?

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And then like, even the dog doesn't want to listen

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to me sometimes.

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And like, so it was just,

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there wasn't like a stepping away and like, you know,

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resetting and coming back.

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And so he understood that.

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But as I was processing it with the Lord,

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I was like, Lord, is this part of what I'm struggling with,

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with like the entire family dynamic?

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And it's something that has been acknowledged in the past.

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Like, you know, at the dinner table, like, oh yeah,

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like we're just a, you know, a group of challengers.

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And like, there's a sense of pride in that in many ways

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but what's been really interesting

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and even having some talks with Bruce's sister,

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you know, his sister, sister, not a sister-in-law,

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she's in a season two where she's recognizing like,

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hey, I don't know if this is like, okay.

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So everyone's kind of, you know, we've all hit our thirties

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and we're realizing like, oh, wait a minute.

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Like there's other ways of doing life and there's other,

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and like maybe some of the tension in my marriage

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is because, you know, my family culture isn't like superior,

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like meaning what I came from.

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And so she, her and her husband are having those talks too

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after almost 10 years of marriage.

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So it's just interesting, the timing of it all.

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And I know it sounds obsessive,

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but it is the thing that I feel like permeates,

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like just the fam, because of the situation, right?

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And it's all the different things, all the different layers.

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It just, I feel like it permeates my time

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and my energy and my-

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What does specifically?

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Like my dynamics with his parents and some of his siblings,

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my dynamics with some of my siblings,

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because they're tied into the situation.

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Like there's not a place,

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I don't feel like there's a place I can go where-

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You don't have to face it.

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You don't have to face it and navigate.

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Right, yeah, yeah.

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And so I have to figure it out, figure out what do I do?

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What's required of me?

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So for all that rabbit trail,

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I think that's the point is like,

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there's no removing myself from this.

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Yeah.

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Like there's no me, I mean,

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without it being like extremely,

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short of being estranged from family members, right?

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Which is like not really what my heart is.

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It's like, we have to figure this out

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because it's not going away.

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And I think I've gotten to a point

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even right before the rest intensive

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where I told you I kind of had that moment

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where I like cross-lined, I'm like, I'm done.

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I think that was more about me realizing,

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like I can't change people.

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So if they don't change for the next 20 years.

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Where does my responsibility lie and what is the Lord requiring of me in this to where I can walk free, even if there's like, yeah, oh yeah, stuff swirling.

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Oh yeah.

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Yeah, which is absolutely obviously possible because just like Jesus in the boat, where the situation can stay and he was like I don't find any change it.

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Right. He just went and he was in sleep now. Yeah, we can bring order. And that's what the Lord wants us to eventually do is to, to, you know, express heaven into earth to the point where earth, meaning creation meaning other people's souls have an

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opportunity to respond and to make a different kind of response than what they're responding to and unbelief, they can now choose to believe you know that they are safe they are protected, you know, and that God is the source of all of those things,

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but, you know, we don't, we have to let go of that ever happening first and be calm in the storm before we're given the authority and the responsibility and the power to be able to bring order to the situation so the disciples couldn't do it because

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they were afraid they were subject to it and so they they didn't have it within them to, they didn't have the authority in that position to be able to bring the order, so we have to let it go first before we're given the responsibility to bring order to the

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situation so we have to give it that at first but there were several things that I was thinking of when you were talking and so it's kind of like trying to scribble without looking down.

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I'm sorry.

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I just like verbally vomited so much. No, no, no, no, no, not at all. It was actually very helpful. I like it when people just talk and talk and talk and get because it gives me, especially when I don't give them much, and which is why especially when I used

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to give calls and I would just basically ask them to tell me about themselves and I would give them a whole bunch of, I would basically just explained like this.

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You tell me about, you know, your relationship with the Lord and how you grew up and where you are now. So in other words basically say hey you can tell me anything, because I found that when people, when I didn't give them specifics.

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More than I knew to ask for. Yeah, because they would tell me what was really important to them, it was actually in their hearts because that's the stuff that would come to their mind is the stuff that was most important to them so if I just kind of let it all come out.

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I don't know I like it when people just talk because then it gives me gives me more, more insight into, like, I don't know, not just like kind of like the issue, but like how they're feeling about it, how they're interacting with it you know, like how they're

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responding to it. And so that's really helpful. But, um, but anyway, so one of the things that I was thinking about is, well, I feel like I'm, I'm like jumping in on some things that we've already passed that were.

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So I'm just going to start talking and mentioning things that came to mind at different points that you brought up. And one is that sometimes we you know you said that you were feeling a loss of control.

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And you're like you know how do you actually in the moment, you know, choose yourself.

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Well part of it is that one of the things that we feel is we feel that we don't matter.

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In other words, we're not present in the room, we're not present in the conversation, we kind of, we kind of disassociate because we're too afraid to like what you said you were afraid of confronting but you were afraid of in telling the truth and you are also

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just shut down or, you know, remove yourself and so therefore you know that's this, that's this sense of like not being present. In other words, not giving one, not giving oneself to the situation.

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And we can't bring Jesus into a situation that we have disassociated from.

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We're not allowing ourselves to be there.

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So we can't do anything positive for the Lord. And, and even like sacrifice for someone else or whatever because you have to have something in order to sacrifice it.

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But then we're not by disassociating well then we're not carrying.

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We're not adding our weight to the room weight just simply mean value substance that you and your presence there in the spirit matters.

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But what I'm saying like even more than physical is just even the spirit. It matters. And so anyway, that was one of the things that I was thinking of is that is that we, we get frustrated with a lack of control, but then we also get frustrated with feeling like

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that we don't matter because, how did I put this?

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As if our voice, so it's sometimes beyond

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not getting to do what we want to do.

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Like, you know, can every, what did you say?

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How did you wear that?

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Can we just do what it is that I want to do?

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Can we just do it my way for once?

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Can we just do it my way, yeah.

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So there's that, but sometimes it's not even just that

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that's hitting us in this situation.

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Sometimes we can have a similar response

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but what's bothering us is that we don't have,

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that what it is that we want doesn't matter.

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It doesn't have any weight, you know?

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So it's more than just simply control.

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Sometimes it is, sometimes it's like,

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hey, I want safety and security

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and I've attached it to this type of result.

228
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So can't we all do this and make this type of result happen?

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Oh my word, we're not, therefore I'm losing control,

230
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therefore maybe I'm not gonna be safe.

231
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So sometimes that's one of the things we struggle with.

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And sometimes in those situations,

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it can also be this fear and this concern

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that we are, that we're not significant.

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That what it is that we want,

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just simply for the heck of just wanting it,

237
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isn't as valuable as not just what someone else wants

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but sometimes when no one else is involved,

239
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it's just that what it is that we want

240
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isn't as valuable as, I don't know,

241
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as I say, I don't know, meaning I know,

242
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but I'm trying to figure out how to word it,

243
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like as valuable as what we think of as a godly principle.

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Like, well, we know we should do this, but I don't want to.

245
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And so that can feel like that we don't,

246
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we feel that we don't matter

247
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and because we haven't had enough affirmation

248
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in our own quiet life with the Lord,

249
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quiet life meaning like the inside life with the Lord,

250
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that our opinion and our will does matter.

251
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We don't have usually as much of a problem

252
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with other people getting their way.

253
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If we have enough affirmation that we have value,

254
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but if we don't have enough affirmation,

255
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then we're always looking to those situations

256
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to affirm it for ourselves.

257
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So anyway, that's another thing that can come up

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and I don't know if that's anything

259
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that you've run into at all,

260
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but I was just mentioning that that sometimes

261
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in the situations when we respond like that,

262
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it can be control and it can be a lack of feeling

263
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like we're valued, which shows up with other things

264
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like when we're in relationships where,

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someone's vocalized something

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and you don't feel like you can vocalize anything

267
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because you're simply bringing your weight to the room.

268
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In other words, your presence, so to speak,

269
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means that there's going to create conflict

270
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and it's going to sound contrary

271
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or contradictory or whatever.

272
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And so again, this sense of like a lack of a value

273
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that they can say what they want,

274
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but you don't get to say what you want.

275
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Yeah, yeah.

276
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Or that can be vocalized and that can be expressed

277
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and they can live out loud and you can't.

278
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Yeah.

279
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And so that's one of the things that I thought of.

280
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The other thing is you were talking about you and Bruce,

281
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the fact that he like comes up with these ideas

282
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and he thinks so fast and you can't think that fast.

283
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You're just like, just a second, let me like,

284
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because you probably have, you probably analyze more.

285
00:18:40.320 --> 00:18:41.640
Yeah, I do.

286
00:18:41.640 --> 00:18:42.600
You analyze a lot more.

287
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And so you, me, and I have another friend

288
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that while you were talking,

289
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it was reminding me of conversations

290
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that I've had with her as well,

291
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where all of us think that,

292
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now my husband isn't necessarily the same way.

293
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I've just found myself in other situations

294
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like this with other people.

295
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And she, with her husband, you, with your husband,

296
00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:07.880
where people are coming, firing these ideas so fast

297
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that, and you just need a bit more time

298
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and then it can feel like everyone else,

299
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that the other person always gets their way

300
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simply because they can think faster.

301
00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:18.760
Yeah.

302
00:19:18.760 --> 00:19:20.400
And so, so my point is that,

303
00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:23.000
like what you were talking about yesterday,

304
00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:23.920
was it yesterday?

305
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:25.240
Yeah, I think it was, yeah, it was yesterday

306
00:19:25.240 --> 00:19:28.920
about the fact that God has been talking to you about time.

307
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You've got time to decide.

308
00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:31.720
Yeah.

309
00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:32.560
You don't have to decide right then

310
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just because he came up with his idea

311
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about what it is that he thinks would be great,

312
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:38.360
doesn't mean that you have,

313
00:19:38.360 --> 00:19:43.360
that that obligates you to have a response of,

314
00:19:45.040 --> 00:19:48.480
to have a decision right then.

315
00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:49.320
Yeah.

316
00:19:49.320 --> 00:19:52.560
No, so something that my friend and her husband realized

317
00:19:52.560 --> 00:19:54.720
because that she's like that,

318
00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:57.640
that it was, they would discuss the fact that,

319
00:19:57.640 --> 00:19:59.840
okay, so that's, those are all of his ideas

320
00:19:59.840 --> 00:20:01.240
and that's what I'm gonna do.

321
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.480
Great. She just needs a little bit of time. And sometimes they would, she would tell them about

322
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:10.080
how much time that she was going to need. Okay. Give me 10 minutes or give me 24 hours

323
00:20:10.080 --> 00:20:15.600
or give me a whatever, because it's, you just process differently. There's different factors

324
00:20:15.600 --> 00:20:21.280
that you're taking into account that they're not usually somebody who's an internal processor is

325
00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:28.320
also thinking of all of the risks, all of the what ifs, but okay. That sounds really creative

326
00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:34.480
very great. But what about these things right here? And so one of the things that they found

327
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:40.160
in their marriage, that was just that helped them is that they, that when they needed to make a

328
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:45.600
decision about something, he needed to know that she needed a bit of a leeway. I mean, meaning like

329
00:20:45.600 --> 00:20:49.200
a little bit of heads up. That's what it's not leeway, a little bit of heads up. It's like, okay.

330
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And that she wasn't. And then she basically would, in a manner of speaking, would

331
00:20:55.360 --> 00:21:02.320
for, would refuse to be forced emotionally by him into making a decision right then.

332
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:08.720
But no, I understand that you want that. I don't have it to give. So therefore I'm not going to

333
00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:13.280
give it. So therefore you're just going to, I will, I'll let you know when I come up with it.

334
00:21:13.280 --> 00:21:18.240
And then she maybe sometimes like give them a time or whatever, because we can feel that pressure

335
00:21:18.240 --> 00:21:22.800
from other people. And what's really hard is for us to not take our, our treat her husband,

336
00:21:22.800 --> 00:21:28.080
similarly to what we used to do with our parents, which is, well, I guess if I had the emotional

337
00:21:28.080 --> 00:21:31.840
pressure, well, then I just have to, and this isn't fair. And I want you to know that I don't

338
00:21:31.840 --> 00:21:37.200
think that this is fair and I don't like this, but then the fact that we're, that we're acting

339
00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:41.680
like that lets us know that we're feeling threatened. Just know that, no, we're not

340
00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:47.120
threatened. So in other words, there's that active in that sense of maturing our own will again,

341
00:21:48.080 --> 00:21:58.320
of like, no, my, my will matters and it's equal. And so therefore this is my decision

342
00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:02.880
and you don't have to agree with it and you don't have to like it. And we're not being

343
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:08.640
mean about it. I'm just letting you know how it's going to be. And because that's where I am right

344
00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:15.120
now, you know, without feeling this thread of like, well, why did, you know, he's not going

345
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:19.280
to like this and he's probably going to give me pushback. So what if he gives us pushback?

346
00:22:21.040 --> 00:22:26.480
I mean, we're married to good people, right? Forces, you know, we're not in a bad situation

347
00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:31.280
where it's kind of like, oh my goodness, am I going to be in a physical threat? Right. There's

348
00:22:31.280 --> 00:22:37.520
not, there's just kind of like what, so in other words, what's he going to do? Yeah. And as weird

349
00:22:37.520 --> 00:22:43.840
as this sounds guys like it because it's, they, they respect it. Yeah. It's weird as it is. And

350
00:22:43.840 --> 00:22:50.240
so it makes them also feel more safe with us because then they feel like we're being more

351
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:54.720
authentic and you know, et cetera, because there's an actual will that we're exerting.

352
00:22:55.280 --> 00:22:59.680
And anyway, those are just some of the things that I thought of. And then there was just one

353
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:08.160
more thing is, you know, talking about value is then, so I'm sorry, all of these things probably

354
00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:11.840
feel like they're like this. That was great. I'm taking notes too. So I'm connecting dots

355
00:23:12.080 --> 00:23:20.960
right. Um, and that is also, um, being enough for yourself is sometimes more spiritually powerful

356
00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:26.880
than quote unquote, doing the right thing, being enough for yourself in the moment,

357
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:33.600
because you're coming to agreement with the Lord to that degree. So being enough for yourself,

358
00:23:33.600 --> 00:23:39.840
having enough, enough value and significance of who it is that you are and not kind of like,

359
00:23:39.840 --> 00:23:45.200
oh, well there's, um, because again, it's more than just knowing that there's this truth out

360
00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:52.240
there that you're significant. It's more than that. It's, it's choosing that to step into

361
00:23:52.880 --> 00:24:02.400
the significance, owning it, being it, living it as opposed to agreeing with or acknowledging some

362
00:24:03.040 --> 00:24:07.680
arbitrary truth that's out here and separate from you. And you're just going to believe that it's

363
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:15.840
true. You have to, you have to kind of own it. You're like, no, I am this. I am significant.

364
00:24:15.840 --> 00:24:21.920
This is who I am. That's what all of those I am declarations do for us is they help us to own

365
00:24:21.920 --> 00:24:28.560
the truth as opposed to cerebral or cerebrally trying to believe something's true, because then

366
00:24:28.560 --> 00:24:32.480
it feels like some arbitrary law that's out here that we're trying to remember.

367
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:37.440
And we're trying to claim, or we're trying to like convince ourselves of. And instead,

368
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:42.320
what we have to do is we actually have to own the significance and kind of almost like

369
00:24:42.320 --> 00:24:49.200
feel the weight of ourselves inside. Yeah. Anyway. So it's important in those situations to be

370
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:55.760
enough for ourselves, like us be enough for ourselves to ourselves. Like in other words,

371
00:24:55.760 --> 00:24:59.840
we are self looking at ourselves and finding that.

372
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.920
not enough for us. Does that make sense? So your spirit,

373
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:07.040
looking at your soul and your body and saying, you know, yes,

374
00:25:07.080 --> 00:25:11.560
I'm choosing that you are enough for me. And so being that in the

375
00:25:11.560 --> 00:25:17.280
moment is will, and then presenting that, that, that

376
00:25:17.280 --> 00:25:23.160
weight into the room or into a situation is more powerful in

377
00:25:23.160 --> 00:25:26.800
being able to help put you in a position to spiritually shift

378
00:25:26.800 --> 00:25:31.840
things or, you know, to not feel threatened or whatever, then

379
00:25:31.880 --> 00:25:36.360
quote, unquote, doing the right thing. Because you we want to do

380
00:25:36.360 --> 00:25:40.600
the right thing from our character. And we can't access

381
00:25:40.600 --> 00:25:44.880
that unless we've accessed ourselves. But if we're inside

382
00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:48.200
ourselves, in other words, we pull, so to speak into ourselves

383
00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:50.520
where our spirit is looking at our soul and body or like, okay,

384
00:25:50.520 --> 00:25:54.640
you're enough for me. You know, that I'm not separated from you.

385
00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:56.560
I'm not afraid of you, whatever, no, you're enough for

386
00:25:56.560 --> 00:26:00.840
me. And then presenting that, you know, in the situation, so

387
00:26:00.840 --> 00:26:08.280
far, even it's basically my point is where it doesn't, you've

388
00:26:08.280 --> 00:26:11.800
given yourself a habit, how to put this, you've accepted

389
00:26:11.800 --> 00:26:15.480
yourself as you wish that the person that you're with would do

390
00:26:16.040 --> 00:26:19.320
or that you wish God would do. I'm not saying that you don't

391
00:26:19.320 --> 00:26:21.840
believe that. But I'm just saying that there's a degree to

392
00:26:21.840 --> 00:26:25.680
which we're struggling with it. And so you choose yourself

393
00:26:25.680 --> 00:26:30.440
first, even if you can't believe that God accepts you like that

394
00:26:30.680 --> 00:26:39.000
you accept you like that. So you be enough for yourself. And that

395
00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:45.040
will, that will kind of help you kind of like, come back to

396
00:26:45.040 --> 00:26:47.640
yourself, own yourself, give yourself weight, give yourself

397
00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:51.680
significance. And then from that place, who is a son of God?

398
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:58.960
Well, then you operate with more clarity, your you know better

399
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:03.840
what to do in a situation without having rehearsed it, you

400
00:27:03.840 --> 00:27:06.840
know, because because you're present. And so you just kind of

401
00:27:06.840 --> 00:27:13.720
act on what you feel and believe and think in the moment, and

402
00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:19.280
trust that as opposed to ignoring yourself, and trying to

403
00:27:19.280 --> 00:27:23.840
go back in your history, and think, okay, based based on past

404
00:27:23.840 --> 00:27:26.720
experiences, or what I've been taught, what should I do?

405
00:27:27.360 --> 00:27:31.480
Yeah, learning, because that's relying on knowledge. So

406
00:27:31.480 --> 00:27:36.840
instead, instead, operate a bit, trust yourself in those moments.

407
00:27:37.520 --> 00:27:41.360
And then operate according to what it feels, what what it

408
00:27:41.360 --> 00:27:45.760
feels like in the moment. And you we can't, I can't tell

409
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:49.160
everyone that because they're just not at that place. But you

410
00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:52.520
know, you with the Lord, you know, where it is that you are

411
00:27:52.520 --> 00:27:56.320
with the Lord, you can access that place, and access who it is

412
00:27:56.320 --> 00:27:58.880
that you are, and you have matured enough in the Lord,

413
00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:03.200
where if you just pull back to that place, instead of relying

414
00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:07.480
on and rely on, on what naturally comes about of you as

415
00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:12.400
being good as being wise as being spirit led, instead of

416
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:14.800
just trying to remember all of these do's and don'ts and

417
00:28:14.800 --> 00:28:19.400
wisdom and knowledge from the past, then, then you're able to

418
00:28:19.600 --> 00:28:23.240
to be present, and you're able to actually give yourself to the

419
00:28:23.240 --> 00:28:26.600
situation, which is what is spirit, you're able to give

420
00:28:26.600 --> 00:28:29.880
spirit to the situation, as opposed to knowledge, wisdom,

421
00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:36.400
whatever. Anyway. So let me know if I need to flush that out a

422
00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:36.960
little bit more.

423
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:40.760
You know, it's helpful. I think that's where I'm getting stuck.

424
00:28:40.800 --> 00:28:45.160
Because, like, it's the disassociation that you talked

425
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:49.320
about, like, I find myself in situations where I am, like,

426
00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:55.760
disassociating. And so that was, because I feel threatened. I

427
00:28:55.760 --> 00:28:59.280
think the way that you worded that was helpful about being

428
00:28:59.280 --> 00:29:04.600
enough for myself. I think that's where I'm getting stuck

429
00:29:04.600 --> 00:29:08.480
is because I just haven't ever operated that way. Like, I'm

430
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:13.400
realizing, like, I have, I can't remember a time and not to be

431
00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:18.240
dramatic or anything like that. It's just where I haven't felt

432
00:29:18.280 --> 00:29:21.520
condemned. If I like there have been times where I could say,

433
00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:25.560
Oh, yeah, I chose myself, but it felt really selfish or prideful.

434
00:29:25.560 --> 00:29:29.120
And I like regretted it. Yeah, you know, like, whether even if

435
00:29:29.120 --> 00:29:31.600
it was like in a situation where I was like, sticking up for

436
00:29:31.600 --> 00:29:34.720
myself, because someone was coming at me, and then I would

437
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:39.760
feel shameful, because I did that, or because, you know, I

438
00:29:39.760 --> 00:29:43.720
lost my temper or all those things. So

439
00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:47.280
so this is what I would recommend that you do in those

440
00:29:47.280 --> 00:29:50.040
situations is to ask yourself this question, instead of the

441
00:29:50.040 --> 00:29:53.160
question that you've been asking yourself, because I'm assuming

442
00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:57.080
that you're like me. So in those situations, what we typically do

443
00:29:57.520 --> 00:29:59.800
is something happens, someone says something to us.

444
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.060
And, and there's something in us that rises and kind of like panics a little bit and automatically

445
00:30:05.060 --> 00:30:11.000
what we do is we leave our body, we go into our head and we say, what should I do?

446
00:30:11.000 --> 00:30:13.200
That's automatically what's expected of me.

447
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:14.760
What does God expect of me?

448
00:30:14.760 --> 00:30:18.960
And we, and we, and we try to make it sound really Godly, you know, to ourselves, what,

449
00:30:18.960 --> 00:30:20.040
what does God want me to do?

450
00:30:20.040 --> 00:30:22.280
What would Jesus do?

451
00:30:22.280 --> 00:30:26.680
And so instead I recommend that you ask yourself something like that happens and ask yourself,

452
00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:29.960
who am I instead of what should I do?

453
00:30:29.960 --> 00:30:30.960
Who am I?

454
00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:37.760
And then that brings you back into yourself as opposed to, in relying on who you are as

455
00:30:37.760 --> 00:30:43.120
opposed to what you know and what you've heard and what you think.

456
00:30:43.120 --> 00:30:47.640
Because a lot of what it is that we based our thinking and our knowledge on have been

457
00:30:47.640 --> 00:30:56.200
lies that, that were based on and anchored to and, and colored by lies that we were believing

458
00:30:56.200 --> 00:30:57.600
about God or about ourselves.

459
00:30:57.600 --> 00:31:03.640
So they can't, so we can't always trust those because they were just founded on, on old

460
00:31:03.640 --> 00:31:05.360
beliefs, et cetera.

461
00:31:05.360 --> 00:31:12.120
So if thinking about what you should do, let me, let me word it this way.

462
00:31:12.120 --> 00:31:16.920
Think about how it is that you've approached those situations in the past.

463
00:31:16.920 --> 00:31:20.200
If those, man, I know, I know what I'm trying to say.

464
00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:22.320
How do I read that?

465
00:31:22.560 --> 00:31:29.760
Um, uh, basically the, I, what it is that has gotten us into the situation that we're

466
00:31:29.760 --> 00:31:31.880
in can't get us out.

467
00:31:31.880 --> 00:31:36.640
So we have to start doing something very different than the way that we've been doing it.

468
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:42.020
So however it is, quote unquote, that you've been doing, it hasn't been working.

469
00:31:42.020 --> 00:31:51.920
So we can't use that same modality to get us out of doing, of repeating that same pattern.

470
00:31:52.520 --> 00:31:56.520
And that would be things like, okay, well, what do I need to do?

471
00:31:56.520 --> 00:31:58.760
You know, what does God expect of me?

472
00:31:58.760 --> 00:32:00.960
You know, how should I respond right now?

473
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:06.040
What would be the wisest, you know, how it is that we've actually approached it?

474
00:32:06.040 --> 00:32:12.200
I believe that that pattern is, has exacerbated the problem.

475
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:18.800
So following that same pattern, but simply using different rules, so to speak, and like

476
00:32:18.800 --> 00:32:23.480
funneling different thoughts through that same pattern and that same modality isn't

477
00:32:23.480 --> 00:32:25.040
going to fix it.

478
00:32:25.040 --> 00:32:26.760
You need a new structure.

479
00:32:26.760 --> 00:32:28.760
You need a new wine skin.

480
00:32:28.760 --> 00:32:33.440
If you're going to use new wine, that's what I'm trying to say.

481
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:35.200
So I wish I knew how to explain this better.

482
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:36.200
It's like, I can see it.

483
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:39.760
I'm like, I think that's really helpful.

484
00:32:39.760 --> 00:32:41.680
I think, I think I'm picking it up.

485
00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:48.320
I mean, yeah, I think that's going to be challenging.

486
00:32:48.320 --> 00:32:53.360
Not in a bad way, but it's going to be a challenge just, even the, who am I, because

487
00:32:53.360 --> 00:33:00.640
of the disassociation for so long that who am I has been attached to what I have, what

488
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:01.640
I do.

489
00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:05.120
That's something the Lord has walked me through in many different layers.

490
00:33:05.120 --> 00:33:08.680
Like when it comes to like productivity and things like that, and now this is probably

491
00:33:08.680 --> 00:33:17.400
just another layer of like, I have to detach like who I am versus like, it's not the, what

492
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:20.080
I do that comes, that defines who I am.

493
00:33:20.080 --> 00:33:21.680
It's who I am that defines what I do.

494
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:27.720
So and my actions and relationships and things like that, because I think I've just operated

495
00:33:27.720 --> 00:33:36.640
so much out of obligation and, or manipulation, feeling like my back was up against the wall.

496
00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:45.600
And yeah, so, so what, how, like, what would you say, like, okay, let me give you a scenario,

497
00:33:45.600 --> 00:33:46.600
like a real life scenario.

498
00:33:46.600 --> 00:33:47.600
That's probably going to seem minor to you.

499
00:33:47.600 --> 00:33:48.600
Oh, it's good.

500
00:33:48.600 --> 00:33:49.600
Very minor to you.

501
00:33:49.600 --> 00:33:50.600
No, no.

502
00:33:50.600 --> 00:33:51.600
I'm probably can relate, but go ahead.

503
00:33:51.600 --> 00:33:52.600
Okay.

504
00:33:52.600 --> 00:33:59.600
So I probably, we're going to have to start using names because I know I have many siblings,

505
00:33:59.600 --> 00:34:04.400
brother-in-law, sister-in-laws, but I have sister-in-law Jordan, who's married to Bruce's

506
00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:07.160
brother Ross, and they've been married for almost 10 years.

507
00:34:07.160 --> 00:34:09.320
So we've been doing life together for a decade.

508
00:34:09.320 --> 00:34:16.880
They are very different than us, progressive, liberal, like different worldviews, enjoy

509
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:20.040
being known as the black sheep of the family, et cetera, et cetera.

510
00:34:20.040 --> 00:34:22.600
So it's been volatile, though there have been good times.

511
00:34:22.600 --> 00:34:25.679
There's been a lot of hard times, especially lately, because there's just been distance

512
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:26.679
and disconnect.

513
00:34:26.679 --> 00:34:30.239
And when we do connect, it's been too long.

514
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:35.880
And it's, you know, in a family of challengers, people just say what they want to say, and

515
00:34:35.880 --> 00:34:37.800
then it sets people off and all that stuff.

516
00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:42.960
So back in September, that kind of, that happened at the dinner table and Jordan like

517
00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:47.920
went after Bruce because Bruce said something that was challenging, like to his, like he

518
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:50.480
kind of, you know, he ignited it.

519
00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:53.719
And that is when I started pulling back from like the whole thing.

520
00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:58.480
So we don't see each other very often, though we live in the same city.

521
00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:00.040
We've kind of just have just, you know.

522
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.920
Everyone, Alana is weird too, because people just, it's hard to get together.

523
00:35:04.940 --> 00:35:07.600
Like it's crazy, but it's like, Oh, let's get together.

524
00:35:07.600 --> 00:35:07.840
Okay.

525
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:08.840
What are you doing in a month?

526
00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:11.960
Like, it's just, Alana is known for that.

527
00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:16.340
So I know it sounds weird to have siblings, like literally 10 minutes away.

528
00:35:16.340 --> 00:35:19.280
And we never see them, but it's like, not even because things are wrong.

529
00:35:19.720 --> 00:35:25.840
It's just, but, um, she is in a, she's in a play that's coming up and it's

530
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:28.760
like an hour away, like the theater is like an hour, hour, 15 minutes away.

531
00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:30.040
Last year, she was in one.

532
00:35:30.080 --> 00:35:31.920
I, Bruce is not a theater person.

533
00:35:31.920 --> 00:35:32.700
Hannah was young.

534
00:35:32.700 --> 00:35:33.720
So I went by myself.

535
00:35:33.720 --> 00:35:34.880
Cause I'm like, I love the theater.

536
00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:35.940
I want to support her.

537
00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:41.520
The show is coming up and my mom-in-law is like, um, Hey, are you going?

538
00:35:41.520 --> 00:35:42.280
Like, we'll get you a ticket.

539
00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:44.540
And this was like, why we were in California together.

540
00:35:44.540 --> 00:35:47.140
And I was like, actually, I'm just, I don't think I'm going to go.

541
00:35:47.140 --> 00:35:48.120
Cause it's, it's a lot.

542
00:35:48.140 --> 00:35:52.800
It's, it costs my family a lot, not the ticket, but like the time for me to

543
00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:57.140
like coordinate for Bruce and Hannah to be alone for five hours while I go to

544
00:35:57.180 --> 00:35:58.900
theater, you know, all that stuff an hour away.

545
00:35:59.620 --> 00:36:02.660
And I told my mother-in-law like, and she was, you know, she was like, Oh, why?

546
00:36:02.660 --> 00:36:05.580
I was like, honestly, mom, like, I just don't think it's meaningful

547
00:36:05.580 --> 00:36:07.260
to Jordan that I be there.

548
00:36:07.340 --> 00:36:10.060
Like, we just don't have that relationship right now.

549
00:36:10.060 --> 00:36:13.120
Like I was trying to like, yeah, not get gossipy, but you know,

550
00:36:13.120 --> 00:36:14.660
she, she knows things are off.

551
00:36:14.660 --> 00:36:17.300
So it wasn't like I was telling her something new, but I was like, it's

552
00:36:17.300 --> 00:36:21.220
just a lot of effort for something that I don't know if it's going to be entirely

553
00:36:21.220 --> 00:36:22.540
meaningful that I'm even there.

554
00:36:22.540 --> 00:36:22.940
Right.

555
00:36:24.500 --> 00:36:26.420
So that was the situation.

556
00:36:26.420 --> 00:36:28.700
Then we're like, they've come back from California.

557
00:36:28.700 --> 00:36:31.220
We got together with my mother-in-law, like, so they, cause they were

558
00:36:31.220 --> 00:36:32.380
there for business and stuff.

559
00:36:32.380 --> 00:36:33.540
So they were gone for almost a month.

560
00:36:34.060 --> 00:36:37.540
So we get together on Saturday and she's like, Hey, are you wanting to go as if

561
00:36:37.540 --> 00:36:38.940
we never had the conversation?

562
00:36:38.980 --> 00:36:44.580
And this happens frequently, um, In, in front of Bruce.

563
00:36:44.580 --> 00:36:47.380
And I told her, I was like, and I hadn't really had the conversation with Bruce.

564
00:36:47.380 --> 00:36:49.420
I just like, it wasn't even worth bringing it up.

565
00:36:49.420 --> 00:36:50.700
Like, Oh, I'm not going to Jordan's play.

566
00:36:50.700 --> 00:36:51.700
Like, it wasn't even a conversation point.

567
00:36:51.700 --> 00:36:54.060
So he's hearing it for the first time, her asking me this.

568
00:36:54.900 --> 00:36:57.100
And I was like, no, I don't think I'm going to go.

569
00:36:57.340 --> 00:36:59.220
Um, and she's like, Oh, why not?

570
00:36:59.300 --> 00:37:02.940
Like, as if we never had a conversation and Bruce was like, Oh yeah, you can go

571
00:37:02.940 --> 00:37:06.300
if you want, like, cause he just, he thinks like, Oh, Lindsey likes the

572
00:37:06.300 --> 00:37:11.020
theater and I'm like, actually, and we had had some Bruce and I had had some

573
00:37:11.020 --> 00:37:13.940
conversations recently of like, Hey, like I've committed to a lot in the season.

574
00:37:13.940 --> 00:37:17.300
Like I'm in the rest intensive, I'm doing some sessions with another friend.

575
00:37:17.300 --> 00:37:19.140
Like it's taken me away.

576
00:37:19.180 --> 00:37:23.220
Bruce is definitely like supportive of it, but he's made mention of a few times.

577
00:37:24.220 --> 00:37:26.140
It's a different, it's a bit of a different mode.

578
00:37:26.460 --> 00:37:29.900
And so I'm like, I'm not going to like commit to a five hour or something.

579
00:37:29.940 --> 00:37:33.980
That's not even really something like a priority or a value of ours at this

580
00:37:33.980 --> 00:37:38.500
point in time to someone we barely have a relationship with out of like obligation.

581
00:37:38.500 --> 00:37:41.500
Like I'm trying to like, you know, show up for myself.

582
00:37:41.820 --> 00:37:46.260
I didn't say that all to him, but I'm just like, and I was like, I just, in that

583
00:37:46.260 --> 00:37:48.340
moment, I was just like, I didn't want to get into it.

584
00:37:48.340 --> 00:37:49.580
I was just like, you know, I'm not going to go.

585
00:37:49.580 --> 00:37:52.340
I was like, there's just not, it's just not convenient for us in the

586
00:37:52.340 --> 00:37:53.860
season for, for me to go.

587
00:37:54.260 --> 00:37:55.500
And my little, I kind of dropped it.

588
00:37:55.820 --> 00:37:59.300
I'm livid because first of all, I'm like, why are we having this conversation again?

589
00:37:59.700 --> 00:38:01.660
Secondly, I'm like, what the heck, Bruce?

590
00:38:01.700 --> 00:38:09.860
Like I'm, I'm doing, you know, all night afterwards, like I'm at home.

591
00:38:09.900 --> 00:38:11.100
I am so conflicted.

592
00:38:11.100 --> 00:38:13.140
Cause I'm like, should I go to this play?

593
00:38:13.140 --> 00:38:16.860
Like, would it, would it communicate love to Jordan that

594
00:38:16.860 --> 00:38:18.500
I like take the effort to go?

595
00:38:18.500 --> 00:38:20.900
Like, I don't want her to feel unloved by me.

596
00:38:21.340 --> 00:38:24.500
Like, and then it's like this commit, this it's, it's no longer

597
00:38:24.500 --> 00:38:28.820
attached to anyone else, but like, God, like, am I doing something

598
00:38:28.820 --> 00:38:33.260
wrong by just like not going like to the, and I, it seems such a minor

599
00:38:33.260 --> 00:38:38.980
thing, but I think it represents layers of all the, yeah.

600
00:38:39.020 --> 00:38:44.060
And so like, I was really like conflicted of like, I mean, like it.

601
00:38:45.220 --> 00:38:48.860
It was like keeping me up at night, which I know it sounds so minor, but

602
00:38:48.860 --> 00:38:51.540
like, that's what it progressed to.

603
00:38:51.540 --> 00:38:54.140
And there's several things like that that happened, but it was just

604
00:38:54.140 --> 00:38:56.900
such the perfect example of like, correct.

605
00:38:56.940 --> 00:38:58.140
This is what I'm living with.

606
00:38:58.180 --> 00:39:04.900
It's a constant feeling of like, not ever knowing if I'm doing this right.

607
00:39:05.060 --> 00:39:06.220
Yeah, correct.

608
00:39:06.820 --> 00:39:08.220
Yeah, exactly.

609
00:39:08.220 --> 00:39:12.300
So in a scenario like that, with all that you shared, which is really helpful,

610
00:39:12.300 --> 00:39:16.700
like choosing to be enough for myself is more important than quote

611
00:39:16.700 --> 00:39:17.620
unquote doing the right thing.

612
00:39:17.660 --> 00:39:18.700
Cause that's where I was getting stuck.

613
00:39:18.700 --> 00:39:20.620
Like, what is the right thing to do?

614
00:39:21.060 --> 00:39:25.100
Like, do I go, I wouldn't hate it.

615
00:39:25.100 --> 00:39:28.220
I love theater, but it would be, you know, I would have to like

616
00:39:28.260 --> 00:39:29.700
coordinate with Bruce and Hannah.

617
00:39:29.740 --> 00:39:33.140
I would have to drive with my in-laws an hour, a little over an hour.

618
00:39:33.140 --> 00:39:35.260
And I'm like, I don't know if that's the most healthy thing right now.

619
00:39:35.540 --> 00:39:38.580
Like, you know, just cause they wanted to go together.

620
00:39:38.620 --> 00:39:42.300
And so it's all of those layers of things where I'm just like, I just

621
00:39:42.300 --> 00:39:46.180
don't think I have it to give, but like, I could do it.

622
00:39:47.060 --> 00:39:48.900
Like, I actually, I know I could do it.

623
00:39:49.020 --> 00:39:49.380
Oh yeah.

624
00:39:50.340 --> 00:39:51.100
That's not the question.

625
00:39:51.580 --> 00:39:51.940
Yeah.

626
00:39:52.540 --> 00:39:54.220
You could do whatever you needed to do.

627
00:39:54.220 --> 00:39:54.860
My goodness.

628
00:39:55.540 --> 00:39:55.980
Yeah.

629
00:39:56.380 --> 00:39:58.780
Um, well, um.

630
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.640
Sorry, I was I was looking at the notes that I'd written.

631
00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:05.840
Okay.

632
00:40:06.040 --> 00:40:11.680
So one of the things is yet you so in something similar, it's similar to this.

633
00:40:11.880 --> 00:40:15.880
And again, it's part of your learning process.

634
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:19.480
You remember other people sometimes have learned some of this in high school.

635
00:40:19.680 --> 00:40:21.960
Yeah, I are now learning here.

636
00:40:22.160 --> 00:40:28.000
So they had time and they would try something and see if it worked.

637
00:40:28.720 --> 00:40:31.200
The point is, God is giving you just like

638
00:40:31.400 --> 00:40:36.960
a parent gives a child a safe environment in order to learn what's possible.

639
00:40:37.160 --> 00:40:42.640
You can trust that the Lord will provide you a safe environment with the emotions

640
00:40:42.840 --> 00:40:47.680
of your family and the dynamics of your family and how it is that they receive you

641
00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:51.920
and what is it, how it is that they respond to you and whatever for you to figure this

642
00:40:52.120 --> 00:40:57.800
thing out and so the whole being enough for yourself is like, OK,

643
00:40:58.080 --> 00:41:04.400
you're you have the right to make that decision simply because that's what you

644
00:41:04.600 --> 00:41:07.720
choose and that's what you want regard.

645
00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:10.760
And then sure, between you and the Lord, you'd ask, Lord,

646
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:13.000
you know, am I am I thinking about this right?

647
00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:14.880
Because you and I are living life together.

648
00:41:15.080 --> 00:41:19.760
And this is the choice that I made based off of like a gut instinct,

649
00:41:19.960 --> 00:41:23.560
you know, which I you know, you teach me to trust myself.

650
00:41:23.720 --> 00:41:25.880
And so, Lord, this part learning process,

651
00:41:26.080 --> 00:41:30.800
am I really connected with who it is that I am in my will

652
00:41:31.000 --> 00:41:35.960
and sensing your will at the same time, even without asking you, I'm sensing it,

653
00:41:36.160 --> 00:41:38.360
Lord, am I understanding this right?

654
00:41:38.560 --> 00:41:40.160
Is this what's been going on?

655
00:41:40.360 --> 00:41:42.840
Because this is what I thought was who you

656
00:41:43.040 --> 00:41:46.200
and I were together about this particular situation.

657
00:41:46.400 --> 00:41:48.600
So how is that? But it's part of a learning.

658
00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:52.920
It's part of you learning this whole situation, you figuring out,

659
00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:55.280
well, you know, is this right or wrong or Lord?

660
00:41:55.480 --> 00:42:01.480
The whole point of it is the development of your relationship with the Lord.

661
00:42:01.680 --> 00:42:04.280
Lord, you know who you and I are living life together.

662
00:42:04.480 --> 00:42:06.000
How's this? How's this going?

663
00:42:06.200 --> 00:42:07.840
This is what I was thinking.

664
00:42:08.040 --> 00:42:11.920
I'm wanting to make a choice, God, based off of where it is that I think

665
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:15.440
that is reflecting your character and where it is, I think that you are

666
00:42:15.640 --> 00:42:21.240
and where I thought that you were, Lord, was in valuing my family

667
00:42:21.400 --> 00:42:29.360
and not being willing to pay the cost and the price of making this other decision

668
00:42:29.560 --> 00:42:32.520
because of, you know, just the situation.

669
00:42:32.720 --> 00:42:35.320
I just don't think it would mean enough to her.

670
00:42:35.520 --> 00:42:41.800
And it doesn't mean enough to me based off of what it is that I'd be missing here.

671
00:42:42.000 --> 00:42:44.600
It's not that doesn't mean a lot enough to you, a lot to you.

672
00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:49.240
It's that the exchange that you're having to make, you're having to make a choice.

673
00:42:49.240 --> 00:42:53.840
So, well, God, I love this enough that this is what I choose

674
00:42:54.040 --> 00:42:59.000
anyway, and then making it about and that's what I do with my decisions is I make

675
00:42:59.200 --> 00:43:04.640
I learned and it changed everything for me is I just learned even when God didn't

676
00:43:04.840 --> 00:43:08.680
tell me explicitly what to do or meaning like I couldn't hear him tell me

677
00:43:08.880 --> 00:43:12.200
explicitly what to do, I just began to tell him, OK, God,

678
00:43:12.400 --> 00:43:17.400
based on who I know you to be, based on how you and I developed a relationship,

679
00:43:17.400 --> 00:43:20.360
based on who you revealed to me and my spirit that you are,

680
00:43:20.560 --> 00:43:23.120
how you and I are relating to each other these days.

681
00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:26.480
This decision over here looks and feels

682
00:43:26.680 --> 00:43:31.080
like what I am now discovering that I think that you are not what I'm reading

683
00:43:31.280 --> 00:43:35.400
in the Bible and cerebrally trying to analyze and figure out that just,

684
00:43:35.600 --> 00:43:39.360
you know, being the being or this is where I think that you are.

685
00:43:39.560 --> 00:43:43.000
So, God, I'm going to choose since you haven't told me point blank what to do.

686
00:43:43.200 --> 00:43:47.520
I'm going to choose this because this is who I think that you are.

687
00:43:47.720 --> 00:43:48.760
That is why I'm choosing.

688
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:51.560
And God will create a

689
00:43:51.760 --> 00:44:00.680
God will greatly bless you making that decision strictly off of the reason of why

690
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:04.160
you chose it, that you didn't choose it from self-protection.

691
00:44:04.360 --> 00:44:07.240
You chose it based off of what the fact

692
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:11.840
that you are pursuing his character and and strictly for that.

693
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:13.560
And then if he reveals to you,

694
00:44:13.560 --> 00:44:16.280
he might reveal to you things like he's done with me.

695
00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:20.000
Well, you know, that's not exactly, you know, what I look like and whatever.

696
00:44:20.200 --> 00:44:22.480
But we discover that along the way.

697
00:44:22.680 --> 00:44:25.680
And he's not upset at us because we did

698
00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:28.800
something as opposed to doing something else.

699
00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:31.600
It's the why behind it, et cetera.

700
00:44:31.800 --> 00:44:39.320
And and and so and another thing is that in a situation like that, you have a which

701
00:44:39.320 --> 00:44:44.520
I already kind of mentioned before, is it can be enough for you as in, like,

702
00:44:44.720 --> 00:44:50.560
your will of what it is that you want

703
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:52.520
matters and has weight.

704
00:44:52.720 --> 00:44:57.320
And it's important to give what's the word you would use for that?

705
00:44:57.520 --> 00:44:59.560
It's important to give it

706
00:44:59.760 --> 00:45:00.040
to.

707
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.200
Acknowledge it. Yes. Uh, there's another word. Why am I struggling with words? Um, to give it a,

708
00:45:08.240 --> 00:45:14.800
I don't know, maybe the word I'm looking for is, is acknowledged to acknowledge it, to give it,

709
00:45:15.600 --> 00:45:23.280
you know, to, to value it, to honor it. That's the word, um, to honor the fact that that is your

710
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:29.200
will and that's your decision. And it's between you and the Lord as to why you're making that

711
00:45:29.200 --> 00:45:33.520
decision. Are you doing it for selfish reasons? Are you doing it to, for self-preservation? Are

712
00:45:33.520 --> 00:45:37.360
you using it for self-protection? Are you doing it? You know, are you doing things like you're

713
00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:42.080
trying to fix your world because you don't feel safe or are you doing it because no,

714
00:45:42.080 --> 00:45:49.440
me and the Lord are, you know, we're doing life together. And this is what I think and how I feel

715
00:45:50.320 --> 00:45:55.680
about, I don't mean feel emotionally, but I mean like feel spiritually about like the direction

716
00:45:55.760 --> 00:46:06.320
that I and the Lord want to head, you know, together in life. Um, and so I, I would choose

717
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:14.240
you as in choose to trust that, you know, how to address situations. So that's another thing,

718
00:46:14.240 --> 00:46:19.440
you know, like when you're running into like conflicts or whatever, um, that I've found

719
00:46:19.440 --> 00:46:28.640
extremely powerful that if I, if I was struggling in a situation where I was being required to make

720
00:46:28.640 --> 00:46:32.080
a particular decision, like say for instance, in that one and say, for instance, you had to

721
00:46:32.080 --> 00:46:39.520
make a decision right then is that I would just kind of go with the decision. And then I would,

722
00:46:39.520 --> 00:46:45.360
I would go beyond that. I didn't just allow it to just be a decision because again, I'm trying to

723
00:46:45.360 --> 00:46:50.240
agree with the Lord about things. It's all about the development of my relationship with them. It's

724
00:46:50.240 --> 00:46:55.440
all about trusting and having faith. So I'm like, okay, it's not about what I do or don't do. So

725
00:46:55.440 --> 00:47:01.440
it's not about whether I make this decision or that decision, that's not the point. The point is

726
00:47:02.720 --> 00:47:08.320
why am I making that decision and how do I, and what am I coming into agreement with God about

727
00:47:08.320 --> 00:47:15.200
when I make that decision? So if I make a decision, I trust myself in it because I'm

728
00:47:15.200 --> 00:47:22.720
going to choose myself as in the fact that God going to trust that God has made me, um, what's

729
00:47:22.720 --> 00:47:29.200
the, I don't mean, I was going to say that he's made me wise, but I don't mean wise as in like,

730
00:47:29.200 --> 00:47:36.320
I'm on my own and cerebrally wise. I mean that I have access to the spirit of wisdom that I

731
00:47:36.320 --> 00:47:43.120
operate in the spirit of understanding that I sense the Lord. I desire to always be in his will

732
00:47:43.920 --> 00:47:49.280
and that is how I make decisions. And sure. Sometimes I get it right. And sometimes I don't

733
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:54.480
because I'm still trying to learn who he is, but I'm making decisions based off of what I know

734
00:47:55.280 --> 00:48:00.400
he is thus far, where it is that I am in the Lord. Well, this is who I think he is. So I'm

735
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:05.680
going to make a decision from that standpoint. This is my gut reaction towards this thing,

736
00:48:05.680 --> 00:48:12.880
because remember that we can follow our gut quote, unquote, more and more, the more that we

737
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:22.480
submit ourselves to the Lord and rely on, on him and on his character and on us being enough for

738
00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:29.760
him without relying so much on what it is that we do. We can then trust our gut more because our gut

739
00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:38.320
is being founded in, um, in the, in the fact that we are relying on God as our source.

740
00:48:39.520 --> 00:48:44.400
So it's no wonder that we, a lot of times we don't trust our gut and we have learned that

741
00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:52.800
our gut doesn't always lead us down the right path. If our gut is operated by fear and self

742
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:58.880
protection to self-preservation, but if we shift into relying more and more on the Lord as our

743
00:48:58.880 --> 00:49:07.040
source, then we can trust our gut more and more as being actual as us being spirit led and meaning

744
00:49:07.040 --> 00:49:15.200
like from our spirit, lowercase S as opposed to always uppercase less. Cause it's obviously yes,

745
00:49:15.200 --> 00:49:18.960
uppercase and lowercase because they're joined. But what I mean, it's not just

746
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:26.320
relying on the Holy spirit to tell us, you know, sometimes our spirit who's aligned with the Lord

747
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:32.800
just feels a particular way and we can trust it as opposed to thinking, you know, because more and

748
00:49:32.800 --> 00:49:39.040
more, our gut is being led from our, an alignment with our spirit, as opposed to an unalignment from

749
00:49:39.040 --> 00:49:44.000
our spirit. And that's another reason why I said that it's important for us to strengthen and

750
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:51.120
exercise that being enough for yourself muscle is to give yourself more and more of an opportunity

751
00:49:51.120 --> 00:49:59.840
to access, to come into agreement with, with, with the Lord that you are enough and that you're perfect.

752
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.640
in that or whatever. And then you can, and the more you come into agreement with that,

753
00:50:04.640 --> 00:50:10.640
the more you operate from and make decisions from that place. And therefore you can trust it.

754
00:50:10.640 --> 00:50:18.240
And so, but, but there, it takes a journey to get there. Yeah. Meaning like you're not,

755
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:24.160
I don't mean that that you've, as soon as you start acting by your, by your gut, so to speak

756
00:50:24.160 --> 00:50:28.480
that, well, you're obviously going to do it out of your soul. The first, like several times,

757
00:50:28.480 --> 00:50:35.520
you know, I don't mean that. I mean, it just kind of takes a while for us to, um, for us to, uh,

758
00:50:38.240 --> 00:50:45.280
however that to begin to trust ourselves, maybe that's it. And so what I just did is again,

759
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:52.640
reckless abandon. I'm like, okay, I choose to develop my relationship with the Lord and to

760
00:50:52.640 --> 00:51:03.040
strengthen my, my will as a son of God over getting it right. And the consequences of getting

761
00:51:03.040 --> 00:51:09.200
it wrong while I'm trying to, while I'm trying to stand in this other thing, it's like walking

762
00:51:09.200 --> 00:51:16.480
and falling down. But if you don't try to walk and in order to avoid falling down, well, then

763
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:21.920
you're never going to walk. It's that kind of a thing. So I had to make a decision, which is more

764
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:29.040
important to me to fail and to mess up and to quote unquote, bear consequences, even relationally,

765
00:51:29.040 --> 00:51:32.560
because I've had to do this in relationships. I'm still doing it in relationships. I'm telling you

766
00:51:32.560 --> 00:51:36.720
something I'm still living through, especially off of the conversations that you and I've had,

767
00:51:36.720 --> 00:51:40.480
you know, struggles that I've had in certain relationships in my life. I'm still learning

768
00:51:40.480 --> 00:51:45.200
this and stepping out on it, but there are certain other areas that I've already been

769
00:51:45.200 --> 00:51:50.080
doing this in for the past few years. And this is what I did. I made a decision,

770
00:51:50.720 --> 00:51:54.960
which is more important to me, what I'm now recently having to do and what I really appreciate

771
00:51:54.960 --> 00:52:00.160
you being there for me, you know, um, you know, the other day we had that conversation because,

772
00:52:00.800 --> 00:52:05.200
well, I mean, for multiple reasons, but one of which is the fact that I crossed a threshold

773
00:52:05.200 --> 00:52:11.680
bin because I kind of like, it was like it broke something and enabled me to start making a more

774
00:52:11.680 --> 00:52:20.400
of a decision to choose to stand in who I am as the son of God and value that more over the

775
00:52:20.400 --> 00:52:30.240
potential consequences of that I could bear in making possible mistakes in the process.

776
00:52:30.240 --> 00:52:37.280
Cause it's one thing. Yeah. Cause it's one thing if we're like, if we're like, yeah, well, I mean,

777
00:52:37.280 --> 00:52:43.120
it's hard enough for us to bear, to, to, to fear bearing consequences is something that God told

778
00:52:43.120 --> 00:52:48.480
us to do because we're like, well, at least God told me to do it. You know, we can at least do

779
00:52:48.480 --> 00:52:53.440
that. You're not going to give us courage, but you know, like in the face of, in face of like

780
00:52:53.440 --> 00:53:00.080
big, big, awful consequences, but it's another thing. If you, you you're bearing consequence

781
00:53:00.080 --> 00:53:06.400
or you could bear the consequence of you actually making the mistake. Yeah. It's really hard. And

782
00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:11.920
I just had to make a choice, which is more important to me. And honestly, it comes down

783
00:53:11.920 --> 00:53:18.560
to which is more important, God or your life. I mean, that's ultimately what it comes down to.

784
00:53:18.560 --> 00:53:24.400
We can talk as nice as we want about the, like, well, you know, you know, who are you and who are,

785
00:53:24.400 --> 00:53:31.120
you know, all of that, but ultimately it comes down to which is more important, you know, to,

786
00:53:31.120 --> 00:53:36.720
you know, God or, or, you know, the, the life that you live and the effect that it has

787
00:53:36.720 --> 00:53:42.400
on your, on, I don't know, your lifestyle, et cetera. And I made my choice in those other

788
00:53:42.400 --> 00:53:49.760
relationships. And I am telling you what they have. It's it's helped so much. It has strengthened me.

789
00:53:49.760 --> 00:53:55.920
It has freed me all of the sudden things in my life just broke off. Just these shackles just

790
00:53:55.920 --> 00:54:01.120
broke off. And then my life just kind of like took off and just kind of exploded. And now I'm

791
00:54:01.120 --> 00:54:06.000
having to learn to have courage, do it in like new area. You know, it's a little more challenging

792
00:54:06.560 --> 00:54:10.560
and, and so it's like, okay, but I did it in the other one. So I already know,

793
00:54:10.560 --> 00:54:15.120
and I can do it in this one and there's everything to gain. There's heaven to gain.

794
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:21.120
So anyway, that's, that's, that's ultimately what it is that I had to choose to do is I'm like,

795
00:54:21.120 --> 00:54:30.720
well, I choose to, to mature in this. And I value that more than avoiding the, the consequences of

796
00:54:30.720 --> 00:54:38.720
me doing it wrong because I will do it wrong sometimes. I mean, that's, that's just, I can,

797
00:54:38.720 --> 00:54:44.720
I can just make that assumption in the face of things. I am absolutely going to do it wrong

798
00:54:44.720 --> 00:54:49.120
sometimes. And I still choose this and I'm going to have to apologize. And I'm going to have to

799
00:54:49.120 --> 00:54:53.040
make, I don't want to say make restitution, but let's just say, you know, from a worldly sense,

800
00:54:53.040 --> 00:54:56.960
you know, apologize and do all this stuff. And, and it, oh my word, you know, well,

801
00:54:56.960 --> 00:54:59.760
that sounds humiliating. And then it sounds like, oh my word. And I brought somebody else.

802
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.240
pain. And oh my goodness, how many other people with this effect other than just the two of us,

803
00:55:05.120 --> 00:55:11.440
you know, it's like, okay, yes, but also I choose this over that, over the fact that this will

804
00:55:11.440 --> 00:55:16.960
happen. And I will be going through this, not in everything, but in some things. And then also

805
00:55:16.960 --> 00:55:22.720
I trust that my God is as good as he says that he is, that he is a good parent and that he will

806
00:55:22.720 --> 00:55:29.440
provide me a safe environment to make those mistakes in which when I make those mistakes,

807
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:34.720
I will not have to bear the full weight of the consequences of what it is I've really done.

808
00:55:35.520 --> 00:55:40.800
Because he helps take away some of that, some of that burden, kind of like a child, you know,

809
00:55:40.800 --> 00:55:45.520
falling out of a tree, breaking his arm, the parents end up taking the majority of that

810
00:55:45.520 --> 00:55:49.440
responsibility. Yeah, it's inconvenient for the kid. He really doesn't like the fact that he

811
00:55:49.440 --> 00:55:53.520
doesn't get to play baseball for several weeks. And he, you know, and he has to keep his arm out

812
00:55:53.520 --> 00:55:58.400
of the shower and it's just such a pain. Kids make fun of him or I don't know, whatever could

813
00:55:58.400 --> 00:56:02.640
happen, you know, that he just doesn't like, but the parents are the ones who are having to get

814
00:56:02.640 --> 00:56:06.320
into the doctor's visits and schedule everything and to work everything out with insurance and

815
00:56:06.320 --> 00:56:12.720
then pay for it and then fight the kid and, and babysit his emotions all day. You know,

816
00:56:12.720 --> 00:56:18.320
the parents really are bearing a lot. So God does the same thing for us. And it doesn't matter that

817
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:25.600
we're as old as we are learning these things because you know, it's, it, he's still, he's

818
00:56:25.600 --> 00:56:32.480
still our parent, regardless of how old we are in the physical. So my point is that we can

819
00:56:32.480 --> 00:56:41.120
understand that we are given that grace and we haven't missed the, uh, the timing or the phase

820
00:56:41.120 --> 00:56:46.720
in which grace was allowed and permitted. Well, it was, if we had done all this in high school,

821
00:56:46.720 --> 00:56:51.600
you know, then God would have given us grace because that's when he bakes it into everything,

822
00:56:51.680 --> 00:56:56.320
bakes it into the process, you know, whenever you need it. That's good.

823
00:56:57.920 --> 00:57:04.720
Super helpful. Yeah. I think that's exactly like what I needed to hear because, um, it brought,

824
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:12.800
it just brings a lot of clarity to like the why behind, which, which is like, I wanted, I choose

825
00:57:12.800 --> 00:57:18.880
powerfully choose to do life with the Lord. And I'm willing to choose that over life as I know

826
00:57:18.880 --> 00:57:24.240
it right now, which is so interesting because life as I know it right now, meaning, you know,

827
00:57:24.240 --> 00:57:30.720
with what's going on with the sort of relationships is like not pleasant anyway, but there's this like

828
00:57:30.720 --> 00:57:37.680
fear of making it worse. That's keeping me from like showing up for a, in a better way, right?

829
00:57:37.680 --> 00:57:43.440
Rather the devil we know than the devil we don't. Yeah. I mean, that's just the way it is. It's like,

830
00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:48.480
at least I know how bad this is, but you know what, I also know how to manage it and how to cope

831
00:57:48.480 --> 00:57:54.800
that thing there that's new and that could hurt. Yeah. Uh, Shakespeare talks about that with

832
00:57:54.800 --> 00:57:59.120
Hamlet. Were we talking about that the other day, or was it talking to somebody else about it? I

833
00:57:59.120 --> 00:58:04.960
think I was talking, we weren't talking about Shakespeare. Okay. So in Hamlet, um, you know,

834
00:58:04.960 --> 00:58:09.200
he, he addresses that whole question as far as like, uh, it relates it to suicide, you know,

835
00:58:09.200 --> 00:58:13.440
because he's contemplating suicide and that's his whole to be or not to be speech. Cause that's

836
00:58:13.440 --> 00:58:18.640
referring to, you know, to be meaning like to exist or to not be in a, in die. And then he,

837
00:58:18.640 --> 00:58:22.080
one of the things, and then he goes through this whole little thing. And then at one point,

838
00:58:22.080 --> 00:58:27.680
he said, we all finally, he said with how much struggle that we go through in life,

839
00:58:28.560 --> 00:58:33.280
people, eventually people often get to the point where they're just like, it's not worth it,

840
00:58:33.280 --> 00:58:39.120
but they're like, what keeps them from committing suicide? He said, the fact that he said, everyone

841
00:58:39.120 --> 00:58:44.000
dies and knowing comes back to tell us what, what, you know, what it's like. In other words,

842
00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:49.280
he said, it's unknown. So he said, we'd rather bear the ills we have than fly to others that

843
00:58:49.280 --> 00:58:55.280
we know not of. So, I mean, anyway, it's just this age old thing of like the, our great,

844
00:58:55.280 --> 00:59:03.200
the greatest fear of humanity is the fear of the unknown. Yeah. So, so yeah, that's really helpful.

845
00:59:04.160 --> 00:59:10.720
Well, thank you. You're welcome. I don't know why I feel it was a bit of a downer. I was like,

846
00:59:10.720 --> 00:59:15.600
I hope that she's encouraged. I know I'm really encouraged. I am. I, this is how I kind of take

847
00:59:15.600 --> 00:59:19.920
in process information. I don't know if I've ever told you about this, about me, but someone,

848
00:59:19.920 --> 00:59:25.360
a mentor of mine one time was like, you have to really work on your facial expressions because

849
00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:30.000
you look angry when you're like actually processing information and like listening.

850
00:59:30.240 --> 00:59:35.760
And so I'm like, but it's, it's like, it's just how I like kind of receive it. Cause I'm,

851
00:59:35.760 --> 00:59:40.720
cause I'm processing it, you know, but no, I think I used to do the same thing and I,

852
00:59:40.720 --> 00:59:44.080
and somewhere I stopped, but yeah, I used to the same age as, you know,

853
00:59:44.960 --> 00:59:50.000
and I think I did look mad and I hadn't thought about that in so long because I don't know. I

854
00:59:50.000 --> 00:59:55.680
think my game faces, not my game face, my resting, my resting face. I know I need it. I need a more

855
00:59:55.680 --> 00:59:59.840
pleasant resting face.

856
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.080
So people know that I'm taking it in.

857
01:00:04.080 --> 01:00:06.600
But no, I think that's, I think that's helpful.

858
01:00:06.600 --> 01:00:09.280
I mean, I'm, I'm learning so much.

859
01:00:09.320 --> 01:00:15.120
I think, um, It kind of feels like drinking out of a fire hose sometimes, but

860
01:00:15.240 --> 01:00:18.480
what's been really cool is the Holy spirit has been kind of in it during my

861
01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:22.400
days, like kind of taking pieces of like massaging it in.

862
01:00:22.400 --> 01:00:27.440
So, um, and I have a lot of practice ground and it's interesting that we're

863
01:00:27.440 --> 01:00:31.360
going into the holiday season because like, I'm literally like in two weeks

864
01:00:31.360 --> 01:00:34.800
time where Thanksgiving is like, we're all going to be in a house together.

865
01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:37.280
And Hilton head, South Carolina.

866
01:00:37.320 --> 01:00:38.480
It's Hilton head close to you.

867
01:00:38.600 --> 01:00:39.960
Yeah, it is.

868
01:00:40.200 --> 01:00:40.520
Yeah.

869
01:00:40.520 --> 01:00:44.400
You might be away for Thanksgiving, but the week we're going to be in Florida.

870
01:00:44.680 --> 01:00:45.200
Okay.

871
01:00:47.880 --> 01:00:50.760
I'm just now realizing that would have been so fun to go through

872
01:00:50.760 --> 01:00:52.360
Atlanta and get to see y'all.

873
01:00:52.360 --> 01:00:56.880
But, um, you know, like on our way, probably on our way back, but, um,

874
01:00:57.080 --> 01:00:58.560
but y'all are, I'm sure we're going to be gone.

875
01:00:58.560 --> 01:01:01.160
So anyway, and we might be having two other people with this.

876
01:01:01.160 --> 01:01:02.200
We're not really sure, but yeah.

877
01:01:02.720 --> 01:01:02.920
Yeah.

878
01:01:02.920 --> 01:01:04.320
We're going that Saturday to Sunday.

879
01:01:04.320 --> 01:01:05.040
We'll be in Hilton head.

880
01:01:05.040 --> 01:01:08.760
So, I mean, like we, um, Ross and Jordan aren't joining us because she's in this

881
01:01:08.760 --> 01:01:11.960
play, which is a whole thing.

882
01:01:11.960 --> 01:01:16.200
Cause like my Bridget, my mother-in-law, which I understand, like I'm a mom, you

883
01:01:16.200 --> 01:01:17.200
want all your kids together?

884
01:01:17.200 --> 01:01:19.120
Like I get it, but it's kind of one of those things.

885
01:01:20.120 --> 01:01:22.760
The people that actually are there have to kind of hear about

886
01:01:22.760 --> 01:01:23.880
the people who aren't there.

887
01:01:24.120 --> 01:01:24.880
Really?

888
01:01:25.720 --> 01:01:26.000
Yeah.

889
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:28.360
It's just like, like we're, we're here.

890
01:01:28.360 --> 01:01:29.360
Like we're all here.

891
01:01:29.400 --> 01:01:30.120
That's right.

892
01:01:30.440 --> 01:01:32.320
Can we, can we just be enough?

893
01:01:32.520 --> 01:01:33.360
Can we just be enough?

894
01:01:35.160 --> 01:01:40.200
I'm going to have a lot of practice, a lot of opportunity to practice this.

895
01:01:40.240 --> 01:01:42.960
I know, I know that.

896
01:01:43.000 --> 01:01:47.360
Uh, and I wish I could think of another way to articulate it, to describe what it

897
01:01:47.360 --> 01:01:52.760
is that I'm like picturing of just, because I'm picturing you being in those

898
01:01:52.760 --> 01:02:00.440
situations and remembering and knowing myself, you know, current day, um, present

899
01:02:00.440 --> 01:02:03.800
day, being in those situations and what it feels like.

900
01:02:04.280 --> 01:02:10.560
And I wish, you know, God just drop it into her spirit.

901
01:02:11.040 --> 01:02:21.040
Um, I wish I knew how to, how to articulate for you, um, how I recommend doing this

902
01:02:21.040 --> 01:02:29.400
because what, uh, and, and like, kind of like feeling and reverting back to defaulting

903
01:02:29.400 --> 01:02:35.640
to incident in situations where say, for instance, y'all get there the first day

904
01:02:36.400 --> 01:02:39.360
and, and, uh, y'all are going to be there two days.

905
01:02:39.880 --> 01:02:40.960
We're there for a week.

906
01:02:41.640 --> 01:02:42.720
Oh, wow.

907
01:02:42.720 --> 01:02:43.800
You're there for a week.

908
01:02:43.840 --> 01:02:48.040
We're there from Saturday to like the following Sunday, the following Sunday.

909
01:02:48.040 --> 01:02:48.400
Okay.

910
01:02:48.640 --> 01:02:51.520
So anyway, so you get there and, um, first day.

911
01:02:51.520 --> 01:02:56.640
And so the second day you find yourself in a situation, you're like, okay, you

912
01:02:56.640 --> 01:03:01.920
know, I said, I was going to do this, you know, this is, this is me choosing this

913
01:03:02.080 --> 01:03:07.720
over the, over the potential mistake and like actually doing it wrong.

914
01:03:07.920 --> 01:03:11.920
I mean, you may not, but the point is like, you don't know that, you know, and

915
01:03:11.920 --> 01:03:16.440
that's, that's the concern and that is the potential that you are making your

916
01:03:16.440 --> 01:03:23.520
decision in is that is it related to relative to is yeah, but what if, so

917
01:03:23.680 --> 01:03:27.520
anyway, so you're in that situation and then you say something and then regardless

918
01:03:27.520 --> 01:03:35.240
of whether it was right or wrong based people, people didn't respond towards

919
01:03:35.240 --> 01:03:39.680
you and continue to respond towards you in the way that you would wish.

920
01:03:40.400 --> 01:03:41.320
So what do you do?

921
01:03:42.080 --> 01:03:50.320
And that's the thing is you don't cower to yourself, meaning like even inside.

922
01:03:50.920 --> 01:03:53.360
That's why you, you trust yourself.

923
01:03:53.360 --> 01:03:55.840
And one of the things that I wrote down is, you know, you trust that you

924
01:03:55.840 --> 01:04:00.480
know how to address the situation before you, like something comes to you.

925
01:04:01.240 --> 01:04:05.920
Trust that you own yourself, you know, remind yourself who am I?

926
01:04:06.280 --> 01:04:11.240
And then just trust that you, who you are knows how to address the

927
01:04:11.240 --> 01:04:13.600
situation and then address it.

928
01:04:14.720 --> 01:04:17.000
Um, and just, you know, just do your best.

929
01:04:18.360 --> 01:04:20.760
Yeah, because you're not relying on now.

930
01:04:20.760 --> 01:04:25.920
It's no wonder that we're afraid of, of, of, of being wise enough.

931
01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:33.480
If we go to our, if we go to trying to handle it cerebrally, let's try something

932
01:04:33.520 --> 01:04:34.040
new.

933
01:04:34.400 --> 01:04:34.920
No, no, no.

934
01:04:35.440 --> 01:04:37.440
You, you know, pull yourself back into yourself.

935
01:04:37.480 --> 01:04:39.680
Okay. Who am I connect with yourself?

936
01:04:40.320 --> 01:04:46.240
And then go off what a lot of new agers refer to it as, uh, go, go back into your

937
01:04:46.240 --> 01:04:48.720
body, go into your body.

938
01:04:49.320 --> 01:04:53.760
And because they're talking about the fact of stop feeling everything out here

939
01:04:54.280 --> 01:05:00.080
and, and become more present with yourself than disassociating from yourself.

940
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.520
often being aware of your environment. So anyway, it's that kind of a thing. It's like connect with

941
01:05:05.520 --> 01:05:11.520
yourself to apply a bit of weight, you know, to you and your situation. And then so that you can

942
01:05:11.520 --> 01:05:18.480
be present. And then what the, and then from that place of being, of remembering who you are,

943
01:05:18.480 --> 01:05:22.480
meaning like, who does God say that you are? Okay. And by that, I don't mean that you're even

944
01:05:22.480 --> 01:05:27.920
having things go through your mind of like, well, the Lord loves me and I abide in him. I just, I

945
01:05:27.920 --> 01:05:32.640
do that on, on my own time. I do that when I've got time to remember and time to think through

946
01:05:32.640 --> 01:05:36.880
those words in a situation like that. I don't, I don't got time. Ain't nobody got time for that.

947
01:05:36.880 --> 01:05:44.960
Yeah. So in those times, I just revert back to that familiarity because I've practiced what that

948
01:05:46.320 --> 01:05:53.200
place feels like so that I can, I'm familiar with it enough to go back to that place

949
01:05:53.920 --> 01:05:58.880
of connecting with myself and remembering, oh, that's right. I'm significant. I'm valuable.

950
01:05:58.880 --> 01:06:03.920
I'm whatever. So in the, in front and then from that place within you,

951
01:06:05.200 --> 01:06:13.440
um, kind of, uh, live. So in other words, from that place within you, as opposed to here,

952
01:06:13.440 --> 01:06:17.840
what am I supposed to do? We're being aware of, you know, your mother-in-law here and so-and-so

953
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:21.600
here, and oh my goodness, what's going to happen out in the environment. You're leaving yourself.

954
01:06:22.240 --> 01:06:25.280
You know, you keep yourself in yourself. And then from there, from that place,

955
01:06:25.280 --> 01:06:32.800
being very aware of who you are instead of who everybody else is, then what, then start acting

956
01:06:32.800 --> 01:06:42.640
from you, what, what, what naturally comes because you're good and you're loving and you don't have

957
01:06:42.640 --> 01:06:50.640
to be afraid of you. So you shouldn't. So sometimes we disassociate because we're afraid of ourselves.

958
01:06:50.640 --> 01:06:56.560
We're afraid that we're going to bring destruction. And so trust instead that you are not

959
01:06:56.560 --> 01:07:02.080
going to bring destruction to the situation. You're not going to bring it to yourself. Instead,

960
01:07:02.080 --> 01:07:07.280
one of those things, when you say, who am I? And, you know, value and significance is that you

961
01:07:07.280 --> 01:07:14.320
inside your life. And you're now bringing that life in from you into the situation. Yeah. But

962
01:07:14.320 --> 01:07:18.240
you can't do that if you're disconnected from yourself. So you pull yourself away from,

963
01:07:18.880 --> 01:07:23.600
okay, mom's here and someone says here, and oh my goodness, you know, what could happen? And

964
01:07:24.160 --> 01:07:28.720
it's really hard. It's so interesting. Once you finally realize how much we live out here,

965
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:35.280
then it becomes, I don't know. It just becomes easier to be aware of like pulling into oneself

966
01:07:35.280 --> 01:07:39.680
and associating with oneself again, and then living from that place. But a lot of times the

967
01:07:39.680 --> 01:07:45.200
new wagers refer to it as come back into your body. Yeah. That's how they, or drop down into

968
01:07:45.200 --> 01:07:49.600
your body. That's what they say. When you're up and talking about being up in your head,

969
01:07:49.600 --> 01:07:55.760
they'll say, drop down into your body. In other words, take your consciousness and start operating

970
01:07:55.760 --> 01:08:00.400
from, from here. That's a good way to put it. Instead of your consciousness being from here,

971
01:08:00.960 --> 01:08:06.160
drop your consciousness down here, which I know you can't see, but you know, down here,

972
01:08:06.160 --> 01:08:12.000
your consciousness down here and operate from there. Uh, not that I know where everything

973
01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:17.520
connects, but I think that I heard one. I think that I heard from one of the teachers

974
01:08:18.720 --> 01:08:23.680
that, um, one of the mystic teachers that, uh, that your soul connects to your body,

975
01:08:23.680 --> 01:08:29.920
um, in your stomach. I think it's well. So Susie, who's in our kingdom messengers group,

976
01:08:29.920 --> 01:08:35.120
like she talks about this, she talks about often the, when the Greek is translated for mind,

977
01:08:35.120 --> 01:08:42.800
it's actually gut. Oh, cool. So like, and you know, like you're, you're, um, like, you know,

978
01:08:42.800 --> 01:08:48.240
you're kind of, you're, you're inner man. Yes. What it's translated as mine, but it's actually

979
01:08:48.240 --> 01:08:54.880
like, um, I forgot what the word is, but yeah, that's what she teaches on. She said, you know,

980
01:08:54.880 --> 01:08:59.760
if we train, if we actually translate it correctly, it would change our, even the way that we think

981
01:08:59.760 --> 01:09:04.000
about our intimacy with the Lord and our connection point with the Lord. Cause we're, we're trying to

982
01:09:04.000 --> 01:09:09.680
do everything, which is, which is soulless, you know, our mind we're trying to, you know,

983
01:09:09.680 --> 01:09:16.080
do that versus actually like operating from your inner self with the Lord. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So.

984
01:09:18.800 --> 01:09:22.319
Yeah. If that's helpful to kind of like, like what Susie was saying, you know,

985
01:09:22.319 --> 01:09:27.279
just operating from, you know, you move your consciousness from here to recognizing it to

986
01:09:27.279 --> 01:09:33.120
be down here and then moving out from there. And I don't mean like you're, I wish I knew how to

987
01:09:33.680 --> 01:09:38.160
I just kind of like in giving these pictures of, oh yeah. I mean, it makes sense to drive

988
01:09:38.160 --> 01:09:45.439
your consciousness down in here and then began to, to interact as opposed to trying to figure

989
01:09:45.439 --> 01:09:51.200
out the situation, figure out if you're safe, figure out how to handle it, predict what could

990
01:09:51.200 --> 01:09:57.440
happen if you say it, you know, and all of that releases you from strategizing. Yes. Which I've,

991
01:09:57.440 --> 01:09:59.920
you know, I've started releasing myself from like, I'm, Hey, I'm not thinking.

992
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.840
Looking ahead into this week and like, you know, so-and-so acts this way because they

993
01:10:03.840 --> 01:10:04.840
always do.

994
01:10:04.840 --> 01:10:06.520
What am I going to say?

995
01:10:06.520 --> 01:10:10.120
Like I'm releasing myself from all of that because I'm, I want to surrender the outcome

996
01:10:10.120 --> 01:10:11.120
to the Lord anyway.

997
01:10:11.120 --> 01:10:14.640
So I'm not going to spend my, I'm not going to exhaust myself trying to strategize for

998
01:10:14.640 --> 01:10:19.200
potential scenarios, which is easy for an overanalyzer to do.

999
01:10:19.200 --> 01:10:20.200
Yes.

1000
01:10:20.200 --> 01:10:25.480
You know, cause we're like thinking about all the what ifs and, and that's relying on,

1001
01:10:25.480 --> 01:10:28.960
like you said, that that's been relying on knowledge.

1002
01:10:28.960 --> 01:10:34.600
And that is the old wineskin and old strategizing and thinking about situations, the old wineskin

1003
01:10:34.600 --> 01:10:40.200
that just can't accommodate is that new pattern in that, that old pattern and that old modality

1004
01:10:40.200 --> 01:10:44.200
that just won't accommodate the new.

1005
01:10:44.200 --> 01:10:51.960
And but anyway, so that, so another thing, another thing to just kind of continue the

1006
01:10:51.960 --> 01:10:56.560
picture that I was trying to paint is in your situation, you just operate from who

1007
01:10:56.560 --> 01:11:02.400
it is that you actually are, you know, just like what feels natural.

1008
01:11:02.400 --> 01:11:04.240
You know, what do I believe me?

1009
01:11:04.240 --> 01:11:08.680
Who's now connected with the life of spirit within me?

1010
01:11:08.680 --> 01:11:10.400
What does that life want to give?

1011
01:11:10.400 --> 01:11:13.120
How does it just naturally move?

1012
01:11:13.120 --> 01:11:17.680
And then, you know, you present that or whatever, and then chips fall where they may people,

1013
01:11:17.680 --> 01:11:20.600
you know, respond to however, and you never know, it could be like full of all kinds of

1014
01:11:20.600 --> 01:11:25.920
great life, you know, or they could be like, well, this is the new Lindsay, we don't know

1015
01:11:25.920 --> 01:11:31.320
what to do with this, you know, or we don't like this or this, you know, whatever.

1016
01:11:31.320 --> 01:11:36.680
And and then it could then affect things for the next and I'm just painting a picture of

1017
01:11:36.680 --> 01:11:44.080
like, what's possible, like it could affect interactions, you know, for the next few days,

1018
01:11:44.080 --> 01:11:49.240
or you just think that it does, it's possible that no one acts any different, but then you

1019
01:11:49.240 --> 01:11:53.640
could start in your mind going on my word, you know, you're the one who's remembering

1020
01:11:53.640 --> 01:11:56.640
it, and you're the one who's thinking about it a lot, etc.

1021
01:11:56.640 --> 01:12:01.280
And so when those types of situations, I stopped thinking about it, I just allow the situation

1022
01:12:01.280 --> 01:12:05.360
to just be I don't analyze it and figure out, well, how good did I do?

1023
01:12:05.360 --> 01:12:06.960
You know, do I think that I follow my gut?

1024
01:12:06.960 --> 01:12:09.640
Do I just like just let it be and then move on.

1025
01:12:09.640 --> 01:12:14.520
And that's one of my other practices that I would do is I would trust myself enough

1026
01:12:14.520 --> 01:12:21.200
I've practiced to trust myself enough to allow me to just operate without having to

1027
01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:23.960
second guess myself.

1028
01:12:23.960 --> 01:12:28.120
So just releasing myself from it and just keep going.

1029
01:12:28.120 --> 01:12:33.240
And then just just trust that it was all okay, and that was going to be okay.

1030
01:12:33.240 --> 01:12:36.920
And that whatever now you can ask, you can talk to the Lord about those types of things.

1031
01:12:36.920 --> 01:12:41.120
But a lot of it, it's, I didn't talk to him so much about stuff as much as I would just

1032
01:12:41.160 --> 01:12:43.080
kind of like sense and feel things.

1033
01:12:43.080 --> 01:12:47.320
And then it wasn't like this big, like conversation I would have.

1034
01:12:47.320 --> 01:12:52.000
But anyway, I would just go throughout the day and then that night going to bed, you

1035
01:12:52.000 --> 01:12:58.880
know, just trusting that I knew how to handle the situation and trusting that even if I

1036
01:12:58.880 --> 01:13:02.040
did mess up, I'm still fine.

1037
01:13:02.040 --> 01:13:03.680
No condemnation.

1038
01:13:03.680 --> 01:13:09.840
And just, again, choosing that to choosing my development as a son of God over doing

1039
01:13:09.840 --> 01:13:10.840
it right.

1040
01:13:10.840 --> 01:13:15.920
And if I did it wrong to how to fix it, I choose this instead.

1041
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:20.480
Now in choosing this, but if you quote unquote did it wrong, in other words, there was damage

1042
01:13:20.480 --> 01:13:26.960
or whatever that God wants you to, to like, I don't, I don't know, like somebody's feelings

1043
01:13:26.960 --> 01:13:29.960
got hurt, you know, or whatever.

1044
01:13:29.960 --> 01:13:34.520
Well, then what is you as the son of God or the one though, who needs you operating as

1045
01:13:34.520 --> 01:13:38.840
a son of God or the one who needs to bring life into that situation.

1046
01:13:38.840 --> 01:13:45.480
So again, you still need to choose this one, not from analyzing the situation, questioning

1047
01:13:45.480 --> 01:13:52.360
the situation, questioning how you did it, apologizing from this place, then it's that

1048
01:13:52.360 --> 01:13:54.120
old cycle.

1049
01:13:54.120 --> 01:13:55.120
It's just obligation.

1050
01:13:55.120 --> 01:13:56.120
Yes.

1051
01:13:56.120 --> 01:13:59.360
It's that old wine skin, even though you're doing the right thing of like you apologize

1052
01:13:59.360 --> 01:14:03.560
and you make sure that they feel loved and whatever, it's going to exacerbate the problem

1053
01:14:03.560 --> 01:14:10.040
because it's still from the old structure as opposed to a son of God, repenting, making

1054
01:14:10.040 --> 01:14:14.080
someone make sure that somebody, somebody's hurt feelings get addressed.

1055
01:14:14.080 --> 01:14:15.080
That's what I'm trying to say.

1056
01:14:15.080 --> 01:14:19.960
It's not that you should, that there's necessarily an apology to make depending on the situation.

1057
01:14:19.960 --> 01:14:24.000
It's more usually just the fact that someone else's feelings got hurt and they just kind

1058
01:14:24.000 --> 01:14:25.000
of need to be addressed.

1059
01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:28.760
They need to be known that, you know, you do love them or whatever, you know, but it

1060
01:14:28.760 --> 01:14:33.280
needs to be from this place because this is what's life giving and the old one couldn't

1061
01:14:33.280 --> 01:14:34.280
do it.

1062
01:14:34.280 --> 01:14:40.080
The old owner was just, was just with Lindsay, disassociating was Lindsay, not feeling valued

1063
01:14:40.080 --> 01:14:43.600
Lindsay, not being present and just trying to do everything right.

1064
01:14:43.600 --> 01:14:49.520
And that can't bring life to making someone's feelings be addressed.

1065
01:14:49.520 --> 01:14:50.720
They can't bring life.

1066
01:14:50.720 --> 01:14:54.920
Only the spirit can not the doing of something right.

1067
01:14:54.920 --> 01:15:00.080
Following a particular protocol, it's socially agreed upon protocol or a cycle.

1068
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.600
logically agree upon protocol.

1069
01:15:01.880 --> 01:15:02.800
You can do this.

1070
01:15:02.840 --> 01:15:04.080
If this is all you can manage.

1071
01:15:04.600 --> 01:15:05.480
And God's fine with that.

1072
01:15:05.480 --> 01:15:06.560
He was like, Hey, that's where you are.

1073
01:15:07.120 --> 01:15:10.240
I'm just saying that you're free of being obligated to that.

1074
01:15:10.320 --> 01:15:12.440
And you can choose this operating from this place.

1075
01:15:12.440 --> 01:15:19.640
And it's very challenging because if we're so results driven, or if we're so.

1076
01:15:20.280 --> 01:15:22.480
Driven as to what was right.

1077
01:15:22.520 --> 01:15:24.000
Did I do it right?

1078
01:15:24.040 --> 01:15:26.640
Regardless of what I did, Lord, was it right?

1079
01:15:26.960 --> 01:15:31.320
You know, regardless of doing it or whatever, is it just right anyway?

1080
01:15:31.880 --> 01:15:36.920
Yeah, that is so helpful because that are like, the Lord was just reminding me, like

1081
01:15:36.920 --> 01:15:41.680
he told me back in September when I was facing a similar situation, like you just

1082
01:15:41.680 --> 01:15:46.040
need to focus on responding according to who you are not reacting according to what

1083
01:15:46.040 --> 01:15:48.160
other people are, have done or haven't done.

1084
01:15:48.800 --> 01:15:52.720
And so like, that just, what you shared was like, okay, that's what it actually

1085
01:15:52.720 --> 01:15:57.680
looks like, you know, of like showing up responding according to who I actually am

1086
01:15:57.720 --> 01:16:04.040
like spirit, Lindsay, son of God, Lindsay, instead of reacting to the hurt feelings

1087
01:16:04.560 --> 01:16:06.760
and feeling like, okay, well, I have to like react to this.

1088
01:16:06.760 --> 01:16:10.360
No, I'm actually coming, responding according to who I am bringing life to the

1089
01:16:10.360 --> 01:16:11.200
situation.

1090
01:16:11.400 --> 01:16:11.800
Yeah.

1091
01:16:12.080 --> 01:16:12.360
Yeah.

1092
01:16:12.400 --> 01:16:15.760
And still not responsible for how that response.

1093
01:16:16.560 --> 01:16:17.080
Yeah.

1094
01:16:17.200 --> 01:16:19.080
I mean, order to the storm.

1095
01:16:19.120 --> 01:16:21.720
And when God brought order to the storm, he didn't rebuke it.

1096
01:16:22.080 --> 01:16:26.640
He just simply said, peace, be still say, Hey, look, you've done something wrong.

1097
01:16:26.680 --> 01:16:28.040
You know, just cut it out.

1098
01:16:28.080 --> 01:16:29.800
It was very kind.

1099
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:31.640
He would just like, Hey, be peaceful.

1100
01:16:32.400 --> 01:16:34.440
He didn't rebuke it for what it was doing.

1101
01:16:34.920 --> 01:16:38.440
It was just like, Hey, here's a, here's a new way to operate.

1102
01:16:39.360 --> 01:16:42.040
In other words, the same thing in speaking to other people's feelings.

1103
01:16:42.040 --> 01:16:46.480
It's just, it's just bringing him comfort as opposed to addressing that.

1104
01:16:47.120 --> 01:16:51.520
I don't know if something wrong was done or I don't know, just whatever, but it's

1105
01:16:51.520 --> 01:16:52.360
just speaking.

1106
01:16:53.000 --> 01:16:56.840
Um, and that's what kind of like brings life to it is just the fact that someone

1107
01:16:56.840 --> 01:16:58.760
feels noticed and heard.

1108
01:16:58.760 --> 01:17:00.560
And I don't know.

1109
01:17:01.240 --> 01:17:06.600
Anyway, but, um, I don't know if that made any sense, but that's really helpful.

1110
01:17:06.880 --> 01:17:07.960
Yeah, that's really good.

1111
01:17:08.920 --> 01:17:12.000
Anyway, it's amazing.

1112
01:17:12.720 --> 01:17:17.560
So I'm sorry that you're going through such a challenging time as in like soul

1113
01:17:17.560 --> 01:17:24.560
stretching and it's, um, and then there's just, I don't know, just wanting to always,

1114
01:17:25.000 --> 01:17:28.800
you know, this, this heart of just always wanting to handle it right.

1115
01:17:29.320 --> 01:17:34.560
And then it being in such delicate relationships, I think I'm going to take

1116
01:17:34.560 --> 01:17:39.960
extra care of, yeah, I think I'm grieving what could have been, but not actually

1117
01:17:40.000 --> 01:17:44.680
like, I coming to terms with like, I thought I was grieving what was, but I

1118
01:17:44.680 --> 01:17:46.800
think I'm grieving what could have been.

1119
01:17:47.960 --> 01:17:52.000
Because like, it actually wasn't what, you know, there was tension before.

1120
01:17:52.760 --> 01:17:57.000
Um, you know, it wasn't like great before, but I think there was a lot of band-aiding

1121
01:17:57.000 --> 01:18:00.920
and like overlooking things and people kind of ignoring the elephants in the room.

1122
01:18:00.920 --> 01:18:04.800
And then when everything exploded, there was no more, there's, you couldn't, there

1123
01:18:04.800 --> 01:18:05.920
wasn't a band-aid big enough.

1124
01:18:05.920 --> 01:18:06.320
Right.

1125
01:18:07.280 --> 01:18:12.680
But, um, but I do have hope even in the heart, like even yesterday I had this, it

1126
01:18:12.680 --> 01:18:18.040
was exhausted, but I was hopeful that like, I think this is part of like the

1127
01:18:18.040 --> 01:18:27.040
Lord, like cleaning out the ditch, if you will, and, and bringing restoration and

1128
01:18:27.040 --> 01:18:32.840
it, and it's okay if it doesn't look the way I wanted it to, because I trust him

1129
01:18:32.840 --> 01:18:35.640
that it's going to be bigger, better, brighter.

1130
01:18:36.440 --> 01:18:37.040
Oh yeah.

1131
01:18:37.160 --> 01:18:38.120
Yeah, absolutely.

1132
01:18:38.440 --> 01:18:42.680
And, uh, remember that you and your spirit are what God put in the situation.

1133
01:18:43.680 --> 01:18:48.600
And I'm now seeing this and I'm thinking my husband just left it for me.

1134
01:18:51.160 --> 01:18:52.720
He leaves little chocolates for me.

1135
01:18:52.720 --> 01:18:53.720
That's really sweet.

1136
01:18:53.720 --> 01:18:55.600
He probably thought I was going to be sitting here.

1137
01:18:55.600 --> 01:18:57.120
And so he gave me chocolate.

1138
01:18:57.560 --> 01:18:59.920
Um, but, um, oh dear.

1139
01:18:59.920 --> 01:19:00.760
Now I got off track.

1140
01:19:00.760 --> 01:19:01.520
What was I saying?

1141
01:19:02.000 --> 01:19:07.680
Um, I was just saying, I said, you know, it'll be bigger, brighter, better.

1142
01:19:07.680 --> 01:19:14.440
And then you, oh yeah, because it's your spirit that, which is the re that, um,

1143
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:19.240
that God gave to them when he knew what it is that they needed.

1144
01:19:19.760 --> 01:19:25.040
And so you have to present that in order for what all of the healing, the

1145
01:19:25.040 --> 01:19:29.320
restoration, the life, the hope, the possibility that God intends to be

1146
01:19:29.320 --> 01:19:34.000
brought into their life to be brought in, you know, it, then we have

1147
01:19:34.000 --> 01:19:36.280
to actually present ourselves.

1148
01:19:36.480 --> 01:19:40.160
You actually have to present that spirit and not hide it and everything.

1149
01:19:40.680 --> 01:19:46.160
And so that's another thing that gives us a bit of like freedom to step into

1150
01:19:46.160 --> 01:19:50.640
it because we've been given, it's even more than permission.

1151
01:19:50.760 --> 01:19:54.360
It's like understanding, oh, this is why we were created.

1152
01:19:54.640 --> 01:19:55.800
This is why we were given.

1153
01:19:55.800 --> 01:19:59.720
And so that gives us a bit of, um, like I said, just a bit of courage.

1154
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.000
Um, permission that we had that permission.

1155
01:20:03.000 --> 01:20:04.000
Um,

1156
01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:07.000
So interesting that you said that because this lady that I'm meeting with

1157
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:10.000
Holly, who works with like, basically.

1158
01:20:10.000 --> 01:20:13.000
Kind of trauma driven, physical ailment stuff,

1159
01:20:13.000 --> 01:20:16.000
and we got connected and all that stuff, but.

1160
01:20:16.000 --> 01:20:19.000
Part of her sessions, which are really like more inner healing sessions.

1161
01:20:19.000 --> 01:20:20.000
Like it's not talk therapy.

1162
01:20:20.000 --> 01:20:24.000
She's kind of leading you to like discovery by asking some questions and

1163
01:20:24.000 --> 01:20:26.000
then listening.

1164
01:20:26.000 --> 01:20:29.000
But one of the things that came out of our session was,

1165
01:20:29.000 --> 01:20:32.000
was this declaration. Cause she's all about, you know,

1166
01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:35.000
releasing things and then replacing it with like the truth.

1167
01:20:35.000 --> 01:20:39.000
But, but, but she doesn't tell you like, this is your new declaration.

1168
01:20:39.000 --> 01:20:42.000
Like you kind of discover it. And like, it just came, it came,

1169
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:45.000
it literally came from me that like,

1170
01:20:45.000 --> 01:20:50.000
I need to start declaring and believing that I am who I'm meant to be.

1171
01:20:50.000 --> 01:20:51.000
Like I was made.

1172
01:20:51.000 --> 01:20:55.000
I was meant to be it's what God intended and it's what the world needs.

1173
01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:58.000
And I think exactly what you're like confirming. It's like.

1174
01:20:59.000 --> 01:21:00.000
Yeah.

1175
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:01.000
Yeah.

1176
01:21:01.000 --> 01:21:02.000
It's like, I need to like,

1177
01:21:02.000 --> 01:21:08.000
who I am is who I'm meant to be.

1178
01:21:08.000 --> 01:21:12.000
I need to like, allow myself to give, you know, like you're saying,

1179
01:21:12.000 --> 01:21:16.000
like own who I am not like withdrawal or

1180
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:18.000
diminish or hide.

1181
01:21:18.000 --> 01:21:20.000
Because I'm feeling threatened because it's like actually what.

1182
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:23.000
The P it's what the world needs, what the people around me.

1183
01:21:23.000 --> 01:21:26.000
And so it was just a cool little.

1184
01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:28.000
I don't know.

1185
01:21:28.000 --> 01:21:29.000
I think it's great.

1186
01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:30.000
So you can give that.

1187
01:21:30.000 --> 01:21:32.000
And then you can operate from the moment.

1188
01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:33.000
So you can give that.

1189
01:21:33.000 --> 01:21:35.000
Ask yourself in the moment. Who am I?

1190
01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:36.000
Who am I?

1191
01:21:36.000 --> 01:21:38.000
So that you can be present.

1192
01:21:38.000 --> 01:21:40.000
And then operate from who you are.

1193
01:21:40.000 --> 01:21:42.000
So that reconnect with it. Operate from who you are.

1194
01:21:42.000 --> 01:21:46.000
So that.

1195
01:21:46.000 --> 01:21:52.000
What God intended to be brought in, can be brought in.

1196
01:21:52.000 --> 01:21:54.000
It's amazing to me. Like, I don't know.

1197
01:21:55.000 --> 01:21:56.000
I don't know.

1198
01:21:56.000 --> 01:21:59.000
I think it's something that I operate in now, but I just,

1199
01:21:59.000 --> 01:22:08.000
it's amazing to me how much.

1200
01:22:08.000 --> 01:22:10.000
That how subtle that is,

1201
01:22:10.000 --> 01:22:13.000
where you're almost afraid to ask who I am because you're afraid that

1202
01:22:13.000 --> 01:22:14.000
you're not going to like.

1203
01:22:14.000 --> 01:22:16.000
That, you know,

1204
01:22:16.000 --> 01:22:17.000
Discover yourself to be like,

1205
01:22:17.000 --> 01:22:20.000
and there's many ways that religion kind of tries to trap you in that.

1206
01:22:21.000 --> 01:22:30.000
Yeah.

1207
01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:33.000
It's a very subtle, which is like, not necessarily unbiblical,

1208
01:22:33.000 --> 01:22:35.000
but it's kind of religion paints it as a way that like,

1209
01:22:35.000 --> 01:22:37.000
actually just makes you very self-centered because you're constantly.

1210
01:22:37.000 --> 01:22:38.000
Yeah.

1211
01:22:38.000 --> 01:22:40.000
Focused on yourself in a negative way.

1212
01:22:40.000 --> 01:22:42.000
Like, you know,

1213
01:22:42.000 --> 01:22:43.000
and so, yeah, this is very freeing.

1214
01:22:43.000 --> 01:22:45.000
Cause I feel like it's the right, I feel like it's like.

1215
01:22:46.000 --> 01:22:47.000
Yeah.

1216
01:22:47.000 --> 01:22:48.000
Yeah.

1217
01:22:48.000 --> 01:22:49.000
Yeah.

1218
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:50.000
Yeah.

1219
01:22:50.000 --> 01:22:51.000
Yeah.

1220
01:22:51.000 --> 01:22:52.000
Yeah.

1221
01:22:52.000 --> 01:22:53.000
Yeah.

1222
01:22:53.000 --> 01:22:54.000
Yeah.

1223
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:55.000
Yeah.

1224
01:22:55.000 --> 01:22:56.000
Yeah.

1225
01:22:56.000 --> 01:22:57.000
Yeah.

1226
01:22:57.000 --> 01:22:58.000
Yeah.

1227
01:22:58.000 --> 01:22:59.000
Yeah.

1228
01:22:59.000 --> 01:23:00.000
Yeah.

1229
01:23:00.000 --> 01:23:01.000
Yeah.

1230
01:23:01.000 --> 01:23:02.000
Yeah.

1231
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:04.000
So anyway, a lot of dots are connecting. So.

1232
01:23:04.000 --> 01:23:05.000
Oh, good.

1233
01:23:05.000 --> 01:23:06.000
It's good.

1234
01:23:06.000 --> 01:23:07.000
It's good.

1235
01:23:07.000 --> 01:23:14.000
It honestly is all.

1236
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:15.000
I'm going to make a quick comment.

1237
01:23:15.000 --> 01:23:19.000
I'm going to make a quick comment.

1238
01:23:19.000 --> 01:23:22.000
I don't want to make it too big for everybody. It really is very simple.

1239
01:23:22.000 --> 01:23:24.000
It's just that all of the talking.

1240
01:23:24.000 --> 01:23:26.000
I mean, addressing it from different perspectives.

1241
01:23:26.000 --> 01:23:28.000
Is simply to help us dismantle.

1242
01:23:28.000 --> 01:23:33.000
All of our resistance to it.

1243
01:23:33.000 --> 01:23:36.000
All of the why nots that were subconsciously coming up with or the,

1244
01:23:36.000 --> 01:23:37.000
the reasons.

1245
01:23:37.000 --> 01:23:39.000
Yeah, but what about, yeah, but what about, yeah.

1246
01:23:39.000 --> 01:23:41.000
But what when this happens or yeah, but what about.

1247
01:23:41.000 --> 01:23:42.000
Yeah.

1248
01:23:42.000 --> 01:23:45.000
Yeah.

1249
01:23:45.000 --> 01:23:47.000
You are with a situation needs show, show up.

1250
01:23:47.000 --> 01:23:54.000
Yeah.

1251
01:23:54.000 --> 01:23:56.000
Choose yourself so that you you've got you,

1252
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:58.000
you bring your weight into the situation. In other words,

1253
01:23:58.000 --> 01:24:01.000
you're what other people refer to as you be present.

1254
01:24:01.000 --> 01:24:02.000
Yeah.

1255
01:24:02.000 --> 01:24:03.000
And in being present.

1256
01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:05.000
You operate from who it is that you are,

1257
01:24:05.000 --> 01:24:07.000
as opposed to what it is that you have been.

1258
01:24:07.000 --> 01:24:09.000
Indoctrinated with.

1259
01:24:09.000 --> 01:24:10.000
Yeah.

1260
01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:11.000
Yeah.

1261
01:24:11.000 --> 01:24:12.000
Yeah.

1262
01:24:12.000 --> 01:24:13.000
Yeah.

1263
01:24:13.000 --> 01:24:14.000
You're not, you're not, you're not, you're not,

1264
01:24:14.000 --> 01:24:17.000
you're not a rational person or, or whatever.

1265
01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:21.000
And then, and then, oh, we.

1266
01:24:21.000 --> 01:24:23.000
Because you're coming into agreement with the fact that you are,

1267
01:24:23.000 --> 01:24:25.000
who God says that you are. He's valuable.

1268
01:24:25.000 --> 01:24:26.000
He says that you can be trusted.

1269
01:24:26.000 --> 01:24:28.000
He says that you come up with good ideas.

1270
01:24:28.000 --> 01:24:29.000
You know,

1271
01:24:29.000 --> 01:24:33.000
Whatever.

1272
01:24:33.000 --> 01:24:36.000
And so you're just, you're just asking the Lord.

1273
01:24:36.000 --> 01:24:38.000
And what we're doing is we're learning with the Lord. Okay, Lord,

1274
01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:40.000
discovering with the Lord. Okay, Lord.

1275
01:24:40.000 --> 01:24:44.000
Who am I already? Not who am I becoming?

1276
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:45.000
I already am the thing.

1277
01:24:45.000 --> 01:24:48.000
I'm just growing into it.

1278
01:24:48.000 --> 01:24:49.000
Yeah.

1279
01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:51.000
I'm I'm filling it out.

1280
01:24:51.000 --> 01:24:55.000
But I'm already the thing.

1281
01:24:55.000 --> 01:24:59.000
Well, I was going to mention something, but it's kind of like a.

1282
01:24:59.000 --> 01:25:00.000
That's kind of like.

1283
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.920
got a side note to it. So don't worry about that. But yeah,

1284
01:25:03.880 --> 01:25:07.080
I think we're unlearning complexity and that's why it feels complex.

1285
01:25:07.440 --> 01:25:11.160
Exactly. So that's another way that I tell people is I'm like,

1286
01:25:11.200 --> 01:25:14.920
what you're doing is you're bringing in the complexity of the world because the

1287
01:25:14.920 --> 01:25:17.320
world is very complex. And so we just think, okay, well,

1288
01:25:17.320 --> 01:25:20.840
I'm just supposed to exchange all of the,

1289
01:25:21.080 --> 01:25:25.480
all of the things that the world says about this with an equal

1290
01:25:25.680 --> 01:25:28.280
thing from God about how to address that.

1291
01:25:28.600 --> 01:25:30.600
And then here's another next complex thing. Okay.

1292
01:25:30.600 --> 01:25:34.560
Now what does God say about that next complex thing as opposed to, no,

1293
01:25:34.560 --> 01:25:38.920
God's just very simple. Just throw out the complexity all together.

1294
01:25:39.360 --> 01:25:44.000
God's one thing addresses like a gajillion of the complexities. You know,

1295
01:25:44.000 --> 01:25:48.760
it's not a one for one exchange. It's like a one per million.

1296
01:25:50.080 --> 01:25:54.080
I wonder if it's like, you know, I'm coming back to John 10,

1297
01:25:54.080 --> 01:25:57.640
10 Jesus says like the thief has come to steal, kill and destroy.

1298
01:25:57.680 --> 01:25:59.240
And I've come to give you life abundantly.

1299
01:25:59.720 --> 01:26:04.520
And once you like make that switch and you're like new creation,

1300
01:26:04.840 --> 01:26:08.920
like life is simple and death becomes complex. Yeah.

1301
01:26:09.760 --> 01:26:11.880
So when you live in a system, like when the world, you know,

1302
01:26:11.880 --> 01:26:15.000
everything's operating out of death or the knowledge of good and evil,

1303
01:26:15.040 --> 01:26:17.680
like it's actually because you're in,

1304
01:26:18.040 --> 01:26:22.560
because you're in abundant life now in Christ death is complex, but like,

1305
01:26:22.560 --> 01:26:26.160
we we've made the switch, like we are new creations,

1306
01:26:26.160 --> 01:26:31.160
but we're still tying ourselves to the complexity of anyway,

1307
01:26:31.320 --> 01:26:35.640
I'm just thinking out loud. Just, yeah. I think that's,

1308
01:26:35.680 --> 01:26:40.280
I think that it, we're trying to keep it up. Yeah.

1309
01:26:42.040 --> 01:26:45.840
Yeah. Like just make the switch. Yeah.

1310
01:26:46.120 --> 01:26:49.640
I mean, it's so simple and,

1311
01:26:50.480 --> 01:26:55.080
and free that Paul had to say, you know,

1312
01:26:55.080 --> 01:26:59.480
don't use your freedom as a license to sin. It was that open.

1313
01:27:00.440 --> 01:27:03.800
Like he said, everything is permissible,

1314
01:27:04.680 --> 01:27:08.320
but not everything is edifying. He said, everything is permissible,

1315
01:27:08.360 --> 01:27:10.120
all my word. And then he had to say,

1316
01:27:10.800 --> 01:27:12.720
don't use your freedom as a license to sin,

1317
01:27:12.720 --> 01:27:17.080
because it's absolutely possible to do because we're going from all of these

1318
01:27:17.080 --> 01:27:20.480
rules to essentially speaking, none,

1319
01:27:20.840 --> 01:27:22.640
yeah, there are no rules.

1320
01:27:23.080 --> 01:27:27.240
It's just that God calls us to operate out of our being,

1321
01:27:27.480 --> 01:27:28.480
which is,

1322
01:27:28.520 --> 01:27:33.200
carries the DNA of God's character and to be from that

1323
01:27:33.200 --> 01:27:34.920
place, which is always good,

1324
01:27:35.440 --> 01:27:39.280
but it's not good because there was an evil because God was always good,

1325
01:27:39.280 --> 01:27:44.320
even before there was evil. So it's just good as simply God's character.

1326
01:27:44.320 --> 01:27:46.440
So we just operate from according from God's character.

1327
01:27:46.440 --> 01:27:50.240
There's that much freedom and there's no,

1328
01:27:50.360 --> 01:27:53.560
there's no accountability to anything outside of God's character.

1329
01:27:54.400 --> 01:27:57.920
There's no accountability to anything outside of just being,

1330
01:27:59.000 --> 01:28:03.960
just have to learn who, who that being is. In other words, who are we?

1331
01:28:04.880 --> 01:28:07.640
You know, so we're just, we're flushing it out. We're going into it.

1332
01:28:07.640 --> 01:28:12.560
We're filling it out, but but we already are the thing. Yeah.

1333
01:28:12.600 --> 01:28:15.040
We're just asking the Lord, okay, Lord,

1334
01:28:15.120 --> 01:28:17.920
can you father me into what does this look like?

1335
01:28:19.720 --> 01:28:24.320
And and what do I have? How do I access it?

1336
01:28:24.960 --> 01:28:25.800
Et cetera.

1337
01:28:26.080 --> 01:28:30.600
And the fascinating thing is that when the older son talked

1338
01:28:30.640 --> 01:28:34.240
to the father, the accusation that he had, wasn't about,

1339
01:28:34.240 --> 01:28:39.000
he wasn't upset with the prodigal son. He was upset with the father.

1340
01:28:39.520 --> 01:28:43.600
He was like, you didn't do that. You didn't do that.

1341
01:28:44.040 --> 01:28:48.240
And the father didn't even say, all you had to do is ask. He said, all you,

1342
01:28:48.280 --> 01:28:50.920
he said, all, everything that I have has always been yours.

1343
01:28:50.960 --> 01:28:54.640
All you had to do was take it. He didn't use that phrase,

1344
01:28:54.640 --> 01:28:57.920
but I don't remember how he phrased it, but whatever it was that the,

1345
01:28:58.040 --> 01:29:03.040
the implications were, all you had to do was take it for yourself.

1346
01:29:03.560 --> 01:29:08.000
It wasn't all you had to do was ask me for it. It, he said, all,

1347
01:29:08.040 --> 01:29:11.320
everything I have has always been yours.

1348
01:29:11.320 --> 01:29:16.160
Not everything I have transitioned to you or everything or everything that I

1349
01:29:16.160 --> 01:29:20.040
have is available upon simple request. He said,

1350
01:29:20.040 --> 01:29:23.680
it's already yours. So use it.

1351
01:29:24.960 --> 01:29:27.520
So all we have to, we don't even have to have permission,

1352
01:29:27.520 --> 01:29:32.280
so to speak to step into it. The thing is though, the estate is so big.

1353
01:29:32.280 --> 01:29:36.040
We're like, okay, God, what's available. Okay.

1354
01:29:36.040 --> 01:29:39.120
And this is a really cool thing. What do I do with it?

1355
01:29:39.480 --> 01:29:41.400
And how does this benefit me? You know,

1356
01:29:41.400 --> 01:29:46.360
so we're learning what it is that's out there and then how to use,

1357
01:29:47.200 --> 01:29:50.800
you know, in God's character, what it is that we discover and what it is that we

1358
01:29:50.800 --> 01:29:55.480
find. But he doesn't even say that we need to ask,

1359
01:29:55.840 --> 01:30:00.040
ask for even didn't even say that we told

1360
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.200
that didn't even tell the older son that he needed to ask for permission.

1361
01:30:05.680 --> 01:30:13.040
He just said, use it. It's there. Yeah. Because you don't have to ask permission for what's

1362
01:30:13.040 --> 01:30:21.840
already yours. Yeah. For what not. Yeah. Ownership is your own it. Yeah. Yeah. And obviously,

1363
01:30:21.840 --> 01:30:25.680
you know, he just wants us to rely on him to father us and how to use it. Kind of like,

1364
01:30:25.680 --> 01:30:32.640
you don't give your child the keys to the car. Right. But at the same time, you know, he's just

1365
01:30:32.640 --> 01:30:39.280
so he says that it's ours and it's available. But we also have to submit ourselves to his

1366
01:30:39.920 --> 01:30:46.400
teaching us how to use the thing. So, yeah, it's interesting because this is just a way of

1367
01:30:46.400 --> 01:30:52.560
processing with a peer. But, you know, when we find like the new agers, for instance,

1368
01:30:52.560 --> 01:30:59.520
in ancient Eastern medicine, things that are biblically rooted or biblical principles and

1369
01:30:59.520 --> 01:31:07.040
people are getting results. It's is do you feel like it's like God has given us the thing,

1370
01:31:07.760 --> 01:31:12.400
but some people have not chosen him to be a part of the process? Oh, absolutely. They're

1371
01:31:12.400 --> 01:31:18.160
getting the results, but it's obviously going to lead to death. But that's like that's kind of the

1372
01:31:18.160 --> 01:31:24.000
prodigal big brother situation where that's exactly it. And God said, I've given it to all

1373
01:31:24.000 --> 01:31:30.640
of my sons. Yeah. But some took it, separated it from me and are using it. And God enabled them.

1374
01:31:31.280 --> 01:31:38.160
He enabled them to do it there. Joe Dispenza is doing healing sessions, healing conferences or

1375
01:31:38.160 --> 01:31:44.400
whatever. They're healing and it's working and whatever. So it just Moses addresses this with

1376
01:31:44.400 --> 01:31:50.960
Israelites, the second group, the the sons of the Israelites that came out of Egypt, you know,

1377
01:31:50.960 --> 01:31:55.920
after four years, you know, they come back around to the to Canaan again. And he was going through

1378
01:31:55.920 --> 01:31:59.840
the whole situation. He was telling him what had happened with their forefathers and whatever.

1379
01:31:59.840 --> 01:32:07.920
And then he said, you know, your fathers didn't came to Canaan and they basically said, no,

1380
01:32:07.920 --> 01:32:12.240
the Antichrists are too big. I think it was the Antichrists. The Antichrists are too big.

1381
01:32:13.200 --> 01:32:17.440
You know, they're giants, even though God said, hey, look, you are my firstborn son and I've

1382
01:32:17.440 --> 01:32:22.960
given you the land. You know, I have chosen you and I have given you the land. So I've given you

1383
01:32:22.960 --> 01:32:27.360
everything I've given you. I've given I've chosen you and I've given you a promise that, hey,

1384
01:32:27.360 --> 01:32:31.120
you've got everything what I'm already want. I will get I've already given you the land, not I

1385
01:32:31.120 --> 01:32:36.640
will already given you the land. And then and then they said, oh, no, no, the giants are too big,

1386
01:32:36.640 --> 01:32:46.400
et cetera. Well, the then Moses gave three examples of non-Israelite groups that actually

1387
01:32:47.200 --> 01:32:52.240
believed God believed that they could have something. But it doesn't even say that God

1388
01:32:52.240 --> 01:32:57.680
gave them a promise of it. And then they took it and God blessed them because of it. In fact,

1389
01:32:57.680 --> 01:33:03.280
he didn't even allow the Israelites to set foot on their land because he honored the fact, you

1390
01:33:03.280 --> 01:33:07.680
know, that they did it. And of course, it was the Moabites and the Ammonites, which are the

1391
01:33:07.680 --> 01:33:16.160
descendants of Lot. So in other words, they're their forefather, Abraham, and they're not their

1392
01:33:16.160 --> 01:33:26.720
ancestors, but their family through Abraham. And then another two generations later to Esau,

1393
01:33:26.720 --> 01:33:34.480
the Edomites. So all three of those groups who were the Israelites family. Yeah, they but they

1394
01:33:34.480 --> 01:33:42.080
weren't the chosen. Right. It says that they all fought the same group of people, the Anakites.

1395
01:33:42.080 --> 01:33:46.800
Now it says that one of them, I think, you know, it says that they had different names because it

1396
01:33:46.800 --> 01:33:53.840
says they were the Anakites, but then they were the but they were or they were they were like a

1397
01:33:53.840 --> 01:33:57.360
not an offshoot of the Anakites, but they were related to the Anakites or they were

1398
01:33:58.000 --> 01:34:02.320
like the Anakites or they were whatever. Anyway, it compares all of the people groups that they

1399
01:34:03.040 --> 01:34:08.480
conquered. It compared all of them to the Anakites. And if I'm not mistaken, that they were,

1400
01:34:08.480 --> 01:34:11.840
it was like they were all related. They were related to him. So in other words, same blood

1401
01:34:11.840 --> 01:34:18.960
line, the same giantessness, the same obstacle that the Israelites had said, Oh no, it's because

1402
01:34:18.960 --> 01:34:24.880
of this, they are too big. They are to whatever it's these reasons why we can't do it. Well,

1403
01:34:24.880 --> 01:34:32.720
and then Moses told their sons, he said, Hey, look, you've got three other family member groups

1404
01:34:32.720 --> 01:34:39.040
who weren't chosen, that there is no record in the Bible, at least that I remember that God ever

1405
01:34:39.040 --> 01:34:43.920
promised to any of them that they could take the land. They just didn't know why they couldn't.

1406
01:34:44.560 --> 01:34:49.840
So they just did. And so they didn't have the promise. They were not the chosen and yet they

1407
01:34:49.840 --> 01:34:55.280
didn't know why they couldn't take it. So sure. They, they conquered the same groups of people,

1408
01:34:55.280 --> 01:34:59.200
the same giant groups of people. And in fact, and it says that

1409
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.000
God gave them, it said at the end, and God gave them the land. And then it said,

1410
01:35:06.000 --> 01:35:13.440
and you Israelites are not allowed to set foot on it. Not wild. And so it's the same idea is like,

1411
01:35:13.440 --> 01:35:19.360
Hey, look, you know, those people are believing God and God isn't even giving them an invitation.

1412
01:35:20.240 --> 01:35:24.320
Yeah. You know, not giving them a promise. I don't want to say that he's not giving

1413
01:35:24.320 --> 01:35:27.280
me an invitation, but you know, he's not giving him a promise. He didn't choose them.

1414
01:35:28.080 --> 01:35:34.400
And, um, and then they're just pursuing possibility. Yeah, exactly. And people that

1415
01:35:34.400 --> 01:35:40.720
are healing and yeah. And the name or whatever, and we're given the possibility and the promise

1416
01:35:40.720 --> 01:35:46.160
point blank. And we're going, Oh, no, no, no. It's too big. I'm too afraid. What if I fail?

1417
01:35:47.680 --> 01:35:52.320
What if I, if I misinterpreted and God really didn't mean that.

1418
01:35:52.400 --> 01:35:57.920
I mean, there's many, there's many that are, you know, I mean, I, I know I spoke to you about this

1419
01:35:57.920 --> 01:36:01.760
with the birth thing. I mean, there's so many new agers right now that are literally having

1420
01:36:01.760 --> 01:36:08.800
supernatural births. Yeah. Cause they just, they just pursue the possibility that it's possible.

1421
01:36:08.800 --> 01:36:13.600
And Oh, we're not subject to pain and Oh, we're not threatened in the state. And when we realize

1422
01:36:13.600 --> 01:36:21.360
that. Breatharians. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

1423
01:36:21.440 --> 01:36:25.760
breatharians. It's when we realize that we're, it's actually pleasurable. What used to be a

1424
01:36:25.760 --> 01:36:31.920
painful process. Meanwhile, we have Christians combating each other because how dare you would

1425
01:36:31.920 --> 01:36:40.160
even suggest that we could have childbirth without pain. Yeah, exactly. And, and then,

1426
01:36:40.160 --> 01:36:44.160
and then I don't know if you've heard of breatharians before. No people who don't eat.

1427
01:36:44.880 --> 01:36:50.000
And then Chris makes mention of like, I mean, he doesn't, he makes mention of like,

1428
01:36:51.200 --> 01:36:57.280
who is the guy that he's certainly delinear. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So he's a breatharian. But anyway,

1429
01:36:57.280 --> 01:37:02.080
so there are breatharians are people, you know, who don't, you don't eat. And then,

1430
01:37:02.080 --> 01:37:08.720
and there are people who have given birth that do not eat. I mean, how do you do that?

1431
01:37:09.520 --> 01:37:14.960
Gosh, but anyway, so they, and I always wondered is like, well, so what happened after the baby

1432
01:37:14.960 --> 01:37:22.880
was born? Did you, did you feed it? Like, did you nurse it? Or, you know, was it like a crack baby

1433
01:37:22.880 --> 01:37:29.280
only on the opposite end of the spectrum? Was it born not needing to eat? I mean, I don't know. So

1434
01:37:29.280 --> 01:37:33.680
I don't know. I always wondered, I think there's a documentary out there that I heard of and I

1435
01:37:33.840 --> 01:37:39.760
thought, Oh, I want to watch that documentary. And I knew enough of it to hear, maybe Ed watched it.

1436
01:37:39.760 --> 01:37:44.800
I don't remember. Anyway, I thought I need to watch that, but in it, one of them was pregnant

1437
01:37:45.440 --> 01:37:50.880
and she had given birth as a breatharian. I was like, that's wild. So I know these people,

1438
01:37:50.880 --> 01:37:56.400
they're all just going, well, why not? Why not try? And we're given explicit permission and an

1439
01:37:56.400 --> 01:38:03.360
invitation and we're empowered and we're like, yeah, but what if, and we're just so afraid we

1440
01:38:03.360 --> 01:38:10.640
become more aware of rules and sin in becoming Christians than we were before Christians. And so

1441
01:38:10.640 --> 01:38:15.120
that's what we've, that's what we've done is that we've, we, and you and I don't really know any

1442
01:38:15.120 --> 01:38:21.920
other life cause we, we've always been Christian. Yeah. We've always known hard. We've always,

1443
01:38:21.920 --> 01:38:28.000
yeah. Intense. Yeah. It's always intense. You know, we've always known we were bad.

1444
01:38:28.960 --> 01:38:36.000
Isn't that awful is that we've always been taught, you know, and we've always been in this world in

1445
01:38:36.000 --> 01:38:42.400
which you're supposed to approach yourself as being horrible and you can't be trusted. And you're,

1446
01:38:42.400 --> 01:38:48.960
you're inherently, inherently bad. Yeah. That you're inherently bad. Yeah. In that while,

1447
01:38:48.960 --> 01:38:54.320
in fact, I had someone tell, asked me one time there, it's like two years ago, they asked me,

1448
01:38:54.320 --> 01:38:58.480
they asked me, you know, well, Ashley, I was wondering, you know, if we don't have

1449
01:38:59.200 --> 01:39:03.680
as if we're not supposed to, you know, live in shame and condemnation,

1450
01:39:05.040 --> 01:39:11.600
how do we, how do I give my children an understanding of their need for the savior?

1451
01:39:13.280 --> 01:39:16.880
Because God's good, regardless of whether there's evil,

1452
01:39:17.840 --> 01:39:25.440
so because you want them to be drawn to the good, as opposed to simply using God as a default

1453
01:39:25.440 --> 01:39:31.760
of an escape from the bad. Yeah. You don't, you know, God is good. Not because he's not this

1454
01:39:32.640 --> 01:39:38.080
that's a destruction or just, what did they call that? A destruction,

1455
01:39:38.720 --> 01:39:46.320
uh, oh man, destructionist, um, theory or something like that deconstruction. That's

1456
01:39:46.320 --> 01:39:51.520
what a deconstruction theory, which is the idea that something doesn't have an intrinsic value

1457
01:39:51.520 --> 01:39:57.840
for what it is. It's it's value is in what it's not. So in other words, that theory is the idea

1458
01:39:57.840 --> 01:39:59.760
that a is.

1459
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.880
a not because it's a, but because it's not B or C or D or E or anything else.

1460
01:40:07.440 --> 01:40:13.520
And that's it's only value. And that puts its value on the existence of everything else,

1461
01:40:13.520 --> 01:40:18.560
which means it has no value because it's only value comes from the existence of everything

1462
01:40:18.560 --> 01:40:24.480
else, which it's not. And it's very other than, I mean, it's just like, that's what it's called.

1463
01:40:24.480 --> 01:40:30.480
The deconstructionist theory is because, but, but that's what it is that we, that we've done

1464
01:40:30.480 --> 01:40:37.120
with the gospel as well. That is this idea that we're just, that we're horrible and we have no

1465
01:40:37.120 --> 01:40:45.920
value. And so no wonder we find it hard for us to, um, to believe that God loves us. Right.

1466
01:40:46.560 --> 01:40:52.320
It's because we're, we're actually taught, no, you don't love you. You think of yourself as

1467
01:40:52.320 --> 01:40:58.320
very bad and you're a problem. And actually I wrote this for, for, um, the lady I was doing,

1468
01:40:58.320 --> 01:41:04.480
um, the, uh, the, what do you call it? The, um, the transformation session for, and I said,

1469
01:41:04.480 --> 01:41:09.520
what we, what we've done, I pictured it kind of like it's two different, two different ways,

1470
01:41:09.520 --> 01:41:17.360
kind of like we, um, that we believe that we, this is who we are and that we've just been

1471
01:41:17.360 --> 01:41:23.360
covered over with the blood of Jesus. So that's all that God looks at, but we're still, we know

1472
01:41:23.360 --> 01:41:30.400
who it is that we still really are, you know? And so in other words, that idea means that we've

1473
01:41:30.400 --> 01:41:35.520
never changed. So we're still always bad. We're still a sinner. And aren't we just glad that God

1474
01:41:35.520 --> 01:41:39.760
hasn't like, you know, cast us into hell. And aren't we glad that he's going to let us live

1475
01:41:39.760 --> 01:41:46.560
with him, you know? Um, or we think of ourselves as being in Christ, but in completely in him,

1476
01:41:46.560 --> 01:41:53.280
but we still feel like, you know, we're still, we're still, I don't know, bad in that. And God

1477
01:41:53.280 --> 01:42:00.000
says, no, you are the old man died and you are the new man, but we don't ever let, we don't let

1478
01:42:00.000 --> 01:42:06.400
each other be the new man. We're always judging each other for being the old man and for being

1479
01:42:06.400 --> 01:42:14.400
wrong all the time. And for always, and we're calling it discernment. It's just like, why,

1480
01:42:14.400 --> 01:42:22.000
why does everybody have to be treated so imbued is so bad all the time and approached as, as bad

1481
01:42:22.000 --> 01:42:27.440
as opposed to as good. And so when people took, when I talked to people about, about how to govern

1482
01:42:27.440 --> 01:42:32.240
in relationships, et cetera, but I think Liberty asked me this the other day on, on a, like a

1483
01:42:32.240 --> 01:42:37.280
fireside chat or something. And I was, and she was asking, well, um, how do you view people,

1484
01:42:37.280 --> 01:42:44.000
especially non-Christians? So, and the way that I learned that was with non-Christians

1485
01:42:44.000 --> 01:42:50.400
of how to view them. And I, and I, and I actually did it kind of with that, uh, with that, that,

1486
01:42:51.040 --> 01:42:56.960
uh, bully that I ran into at work and I had ran into is that I wasn't like with him all day,

1487
01:42:56.960 --> 01:43:03.360
every day, but that bully that I had at work that, um, and I just asked God, God, would you show me?

1488
01:43:06.640 --> 01:43:12.000
It was more that I knew in my, in my spirit that it needed to be more significant than what would

1489
01:43:12.000 --> 01:43:19.840
Jesus do? No, Jesus, how do you see him? How do you see him? And would you help me to see him?

1490
01:43:19.840 --> 01:43:25.440
Like when I interact with him and I look at him that I see him, like you see him. And so I began

1491
01:43:25.440 --> 01:43:31.120
to wonder what is that really? And then I began to think, well, you know, if God created all of this

1492
01:43:31.920 --> 01:43:38.960
and God only creates good things, why can't I see him like that? Why do I have to see him

1493
01:43:39.920 --> 01:43:48.320
as the him that he's presenting himself to me as, which is fear and insecurity and all of this.

1494
01:43:48.320 --> 01:43:54.640
That's not who he is. That's who he thinks he is. And that's who he's projecting. But I don't have

1495
01:43:54.640 --> 01:44:01.280
to see who he is trying to present himself as I can see who it is that he really is. And then I

1496
01:44:01.280 --> 01:44:07.920
just interact with that person. I interact with who it is that he really is. Um, and, but then

1497
01:44:07.920 --> 01:44:13.040
obviously, you know, that, that means it's not like I have to, um, put myself in trusting

1498
01:44:13.040 --> 01:44:18.320
situations with him or whatever, because I know how he's going to have a tendency to act. And yet

1499
01:44:19.040 --> 01:44:26.720
I still see him according to who it is that God created him to be, which is he's intrinsically,

1500
01:44:26.720 --> 01:44:31.120
you know, he's born of the Lord and he's, he's good. And, you know, and all of that, he just

1501
01:44:31.120 --> 01:44:35.840
doesn't know it. And he's not coming into agreement with the Lord, you know, about all of those

1502
01:44:35.840 --> 01:44:41.280
things. And anyway, so it completely changed everything. And because I saw him like that,

1503
01:44:41.920 --> 01:44:48.480
it brought a particular measure of, um, how would you put that? It was like me telling the wind in

1504
01:44:48.480 --> 01:44:55.040
the ways to be, to be, um, you know, peace be still, I now had the authority because I saw

1505
01:44:55.040 --> 01:44:59.840
him as God saw him. I now had the authority to, um, uh,

1506
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.200
It was, it was as if he's here.

1507
01:45:02.200 --> 01:45:06.300
And instead of seeing him like that and interacting with him like that, I saw

1508
01:45:06.300 --> 01:45:08.060
him from seeing myself like this.

1509
01:45:08.060 --> 01:45:11.040
Then I could see this is who he was.

1510
01:45:11.420 --> 01:45:16.300
And I would talk to this person and then he would suddenly realize, oh my word.

1511
01:45:16.700 --> 01:45:20.500
It's almost like I was shining a light on the fact that he was this person.

1512
01:45:20.500 --> 01:45:22.480
And he was like, I didn't know that I was that person.

1513
01:45:22.740 --> 01:45:25.380
It's like somebody calling your name for the first time and you never

1514
01:45:25.380 --> 01:45:27.460
heard it and yet you're like, that's my name.

1515
01:45:28.300 --> 01:45:29.780
I've never been called that before.

1516
01:45:30.000 --> 01:45:34.600
I know that that was my name, but I had that power in the, because

1517
01:45:34.600 --> 01:45:36.420
I'm operating out of, out of the spirit.

1518
01:45:36.420 --> 01:45:42.080
And my point is it then it's so powerful that it has an opportunity to change

1519
01:45:42.080 --> 01:45:45.600
someone because it gives them something to respond to because it gives

1520
01:45:45.600 --> 01:45:47.640
them the spirit to respond to.

1521
01:45:48.360 --> 01:45:53.800
And, um, and it's, but if, if I'm just giving them my soul, well, that's not

1522
01:45:53.800 --> 01:45:59.560
anything, um, of the kingly power to respond to, but if I give them my spirit,

1523
01:45:59.560 --> 01:46:03.100
then it gives them God himself to, to choose to respond to.

1524
01:46:03.600 --> 01:46:08.400
Um, so even the, and a soul will recognize another son of God, their

1525
01:46:08.400 --> 01:46:13.320
spirit, their own spirit always has the most authority over them, but

1526
01:46:13.640 --> 01:46:20.780
somebody else's spirit can, um, uh, uh, their soul can recognize the

1527
01:46:20.780 --> 01:46:23.880
authority of another, of the spirit of another son of God talking to it.

1528
01:46:25.280 --> 01:46:29.200
It doesn't ever usurp the power and the authority of its own spirit and what

1529
01:46:29.560 --> 01:46:34.600
and what it's deciding, but it can call it to attention.

1530
01:46:34.640 --> 01:46:39.280
It recognizes something and it can give it an opportunity to rise up because

1531
01:46:39.280 --> 01:46:42.600
if their spirit is dead, in other words, there's like some disconnect or

1532
01:46:42.600 --> 01:46:48.200
whatever, you know, we're giving them an opportunity to, you know, like what

1533
01:46:48.200 --> 01:46:52.120
we've been saying, you know, have something to respond to makes all

1534
01:46:52.120 --> 01:46:53.000
the difference in the world.

1535
01:46:53.000 --> 01:46:58.040
I saw just some, some shocking things and, and, um, I don't know.

1536
01:46:58.040 --> 01:47:00.880
I think I ran into some situations recently and I was kind of like

1537
01:47:00.880 --> 01:47:03.680
thinking through them and I thought, oh my word, you know, and I was like,

1538
01:47:03.680 --> 01:47:05.040
I've been finding these really hard.

1539
01:47:05.040 --> 01:47:08.080
And I thought, you know, and this is nothing compared to the

1540
01:47:08.080 --> 01:47:10.640
situation that I was in, you know, and I was remembering that corporate

1541
01:47:10.640 --> 01:47:16.120
job and I thought I'd forgotten how hard that was, that was hell on earth.

1542
01:47:16.760 --> 01:47:19.000
That was awful.

1543
01:47:19.480 --> 01:47:23.000
I mean, a grown woman walking into walking back home.

1544
01:47:23.320 --> 01:47:26.600
And as soon as I walk in the door, my mom asked me, actually, you know, how

1545
01:47:26.600 --> 01:47:27.000
are you doing?

1546
01:47:27.000 --> 01:47:28.800
How are you, you know, how did today go?

1547
01:47:29.240 --> 01:47:30.440
I couldn't even talk.

1548
01:47:30.440 --> 01:47:31.520
I'm a very strong person.

1549
01:47:31.840 --> 01:47:32.920
I couldn't even talk.

1550
01:47:33.280 --> 01:47:38.160
I just burst into tears and I'm a grown woman who's leading like this project

1551
01:47:38.160 --> 01:47:42.240
of like 45 people across continents, you know, and all of this stuff.

1552
01:47:42.240 --> 01:47:46.080
And I walk, it was just awful.

1553
01:47:46.400 --> 01:47:48.280
And I'd forgotten how bad it was.

1554
01:47:48.680 --> 01:47:54.720
Um, but I, it wasn't bad for as long as it was powerfully good.

1555
01:47:55.720 --> 01:47:58.040
Because that was a shorter time.

1556
01:47:58.080 --> 01:48:00.120
It felt like forever.

1557
01:48:00.120 --> 01:48:04.440
It felt like the majority of the time, but when I look back on it, I realized

1558
01:48:04.480 --> 01:48:10.520
relatively, it was a very short period of time and I had all of the time

1559
01:48:10.520 --> 01:48:12.480
after that to reap the reward.

1560
01:48:12.840 --> 01:48:13.480
Yeah.

1561
01:48:13.720 --> 01:48:17.680
And, um, anyway, but that's how I learned these things about, about

1562
01:48:17.680 --> 01:48:22.600
relationships was, um, I'd learned in another situations as well, but that

1563
01:48:22.600 --> 01:48:31.640
one just was so extreme that I learned a lot, but yeah, it was how to, how do

1564
01:48:31.640 --> 01:48:37.800
you, uh, it was the effect that our spirits have on people, even on nonbelievers.

1565
01:48:38.200 --> 01:48:41.920
When we see them as crises, then we have to see them through the eyes of our

1566
01:48:41.920 --> 01:48:43.600
spirit, not the eyes of our soul.

1567
01:48:44.160 --> 01:48:47.800
And, um, and that's, and it's only from that position that we actually have any

1568
01:48:47.800 --> 01:48:53.080
authority to speak order into a situation and call creation, including another

1569
01:48:53.080 --> 01:48:56.240
person's soul to rise up and to shift, et cetera.

1570
01:48:56.600 --> 01:49:00.680
And the same thing, you know, with you and your relationships, the relationships

1571
01:49:00.680 --> 01:49:04.000
that you're finding yourself in, even though they're all Christians, it's that

1572
01:49:04.000 --> 01:49:09.840
when you show up from your, in the strength of your spirit, as opposed to

1573
01:49:10.080 --> 01:49:14.720
even strengthen your soul or the wisdom, you know, and knowledge and relying on

1574
01:49:14.720 --> 01:49:18.480
past experiences and whatever, to figure things out and do things the right way.

1575
01:49:19.280 --> 01:49:23.680
You know, if you show up as your spirit, it actually, literally, that's what

1576
01:49:23.680 --> 01:49:28.720
creation, those situations are waiting for is a son of God to be in the situation

1577
01:49:28.720 --> 01:49:30.520
and show up as a son of God.

1578
01:49:30.800 --> 01:49:35.520
And all of a sudden a creation can, can, has the opportunity to change now.

1579
01:49:35.800 --> 01:49:36.360
Sure.

1580
01:49:37.280 --> 01:49:38.400
Another thing that will happen.

1581
01:49:38.400 --> 01:49:42.560
And I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but you're mature enough

1582
01:49:42.600 --> 01:49:47.520
that I know that you won't in the Lord that you know, to not get scared, just

1583
01:49:47.520 --> 01:49:51.120
to receive it as like, oh, that's an interesting possibility.

1584
01:49:51.520 --> 01:49:56.160
But that is the fact that one of the things that I learned is that, and this

1585
01:49:56.160 --> 01:50:00.000
can happen with relationships, but, um, uh, one of the things that I learned.

1586
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.080
in my business career is that I had the tendency that when I came into, when the Lord brought me

1587
01:50:06.080 --> 01:50:13.680
into a situation or into a team or into a project or into a company, all hell would break loose.

1588
01:50:13.680 --> 01:50:17.920
I mean, everything would get worse. I mean, when we're talking about worse, we're talking like

1589
01:50:17.920 --> 01:50:24.080
really bad, like the wheels start falling off bad. And I start, and it happened so many times

1590
01:50:24.080 --> 01:50:29.680
that I began to ask the Lord, Lord, am I destructive? And of course, this is before I

1591
01:50:29.680 --> 01:50:33.840
learned about rest and all of that. And so of course, I'm, I'm living all my life in condemnation

1592
01:50:33.840 --> 01:50:39.840
and everything. And I asked the Lord, Lord, am I that destructive that my presence, God,

1593
01:50:40.640 --> 01:50:46.240
it has, it has, it creates a pattern that I now can't ignore. All of these years in, I cannot

1594
01:50:46.240 --> 01:50:52.240
ignore it. And I've noticed that when I come into a situation that all hell breaks loose,

1595
01:50:52.240 --> 01:50:56.880
everything, it was going fine. And now everything, all the wheels are coming off. And I asked him,

1596
01:50:56.880 --> 01:51:02.800
Lord, do I bring destruction? Is there something about me in the spirit that's causing these

1597
01:51:02.800 --> 01:51:09.360
things to happen? And basically he was like, yeah, it's like, because you're bringing in the kingdom

1598
01:51:09.360 --> 01:51:14.800
and you're bringing in light. So that which is not in alignment, all of this sudden has to shift

1599
01:51:15.360 --> 01:51:22.560
in order to come into alignment because everything now has to respond and it's having to choose

1600
01:51:22.560 --> 01:51:27.040
how it's going to respond. Interesting. And so there's all of this stuff, Ashley,

1601
01:51:27.040 --> 01:51:32.320
all of that stuff was already present. You didn't cause something, all of that was already there,

1602
01:51:32.320 --> 01:51:39.200
but the other authorities allowed it to be there. They didn't require a different kind of,

1603
01:51:39.200 --> 01:51:43.840
they didn't bring in a different standard. You brought in a new standard and everything in the

1604
01:51:43.840 --> 01:51:49.520
spirit now has to realign to that new standard. And there's going to be a lot of resistance

1605
01:51:49.520 --> 01:51:54.880
to the adjustment and the shifting of, into alignment. And so everything, every aspect of

1606
01:51:54.880 --> 01:52:01.040
creation, including people's souls on this project or the project itself and the systems and

1607
01:52:01.040 --> 01:52:06.880
whatever, um, everything has an opportunity and a will to choose how it wants to respond.

1608
01:52:07.520 --> 01:52:14.080
And you don't get to choose that, but Ashley, you, um, you don't get to choose how they respond.

1609
01:52:14.080 --> 01:52:19.280
They get to choose that including systems. So not even just people and souls, but actually systems,

1610
01:52:19.280 --> 01:52:25.120
they get to choose how they want to respond. However, if, if that, if they do not come into

1611
01:52:25.120 --> 01:52:30.960
alignment, that was just not con that continues to resist and refuses to come into alignment

1612
01:52:30.960 --> 01:52:36.960
will be removed because it cannot stay. And, and so I watched it. There would just

1613
01:52:36.960 --> 01:52:40.640
be things that God would just remove from the situation because they refuse to come into

1614
01:52:40.640 --> 01:52:47.680
alignment. Um, and I'm trying to, and I don't think, Oh no, I think there may have been,

1615
01:52:47.680 --> 01:52:53.920
there may have been some situations, um, in which God eventually just moved me because the

1616
01:52:53.920 --> 01:52:58.400
situations wouldn't come into alignment. They went to a certain point and then they

1617
01:52:58.400 --> 01:53:04.080
wouldn't pass a certain point. And then I was moved out because there was an absolute refusal.

1618
01:53:04.080 --> 01:53:08.480
You know, that lawsuit, I suppose, for instance, would probably be seen as that is like,

1619
01:53:08.480 --> 01:53:12.560
we're works, you know, so long and there was so much progress and there were people shifting.

1620
01:53:12.560 --> 01:53:16.480
And then all of a sudden, you know, the Lord's like, okay, you know, they've had their chance,

1621
01:53:16.480 --> 01:53:20.720
they've had their choice and they're putting up that they've made certain,

1622
01:53:20.720 --> 01:53:24.800
certain people have made certain decisions. So that would, they're willing to come into

1623
01:53:24.800 --> 01:53:30.960
alignment. They are in the rest of it. I'm going to now remove you. So anyway, so the thing is

1624
01:53:30.960 --> 01:53:35.760
that when the spirit comes in and the spirit is brings an authority into a situation, into a

1625
01:53:35.760 --> 01:53:41.120
relationship or in an environment that which is not an alignment becomes a very evident.

1626
01:53:42.080 --> 01:53:46.240
And it, all of a sudden it's like, it should, it shakes it. I don't want to say that shakes

1627
01:53:46.240 --> 01:53:53.600
everything. It just means all of a sudden, sometimes you can have bit of chaos. It can

1628
01:53:53.600 --> 01:54:00.720
work, look worse before it looks better because things are, things are shifting. Yeah. And,

1629
01:54:00.720 --> 01:54:05.840
and, and it's not that we're causing something and that we're actually creating destructions,

1630
01:54:05.840 --> 01:54:11.360
like everything was fine. And then I messed it up. It's like, no, you brought in the authority

1631
01:54:11.360 --> 01:54:16.560
of the kingdom. And then God's just requiring that everything come into alignment and everything is

1632
01:54:16.560 --> 01:54:22.400
shifting. And that which is in a resistance to the alignment, if it continues to resist and doesn't

1633
01:54:22.400 --> 01:54:29.120
shift, well, then it'll be removed. That, I mean, we see that in the life of Jesus.

1634
01:54:30.080 --> 01:54:34.880
Yeah, exactly. I mean, he would enter, he would enter cities and chaos would,

1635
01:54:34.880 --> 01:54:38.240
you know, the religious system, but also there'd be mobs and yeah.

1636
01:54:39.600 --> 01:54:45.280
They thought that, oh my word, you know, this guy is walking around and creating all these problems.

1637
01:54:45.280 --> 01:54:50.480
So the problems were always there, but everyone was willing to, no one, no one held them

1638
01:54:50.480 --> 01:54:56.480
accountable to anything different spiritually held them accountable to any other standard.

1639
01:54:56.480 --> 01:54:59.760
When you bring in the kingdom, if there's a new standard and everything.

1640
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.800
has to everything is forced to now make a choice, man, not bringing that new, new,

1641
01:55:06.040 --> 01:55:10.560
new standard, nothing, no choice is required and a new choice is now required.

1642
01:55:10.560 --> 01:55:14.800
You don't get to pick what choice everyone makes, including the system.

1643
01:55:15.600 --> 01:55:19.240
Including like, for instance, your family system and how it functions.

1644
01:55:19.960 --> 01:55:24.280
Don't get to choose whether or not, how, how the people respond or

1645
01:55:24.280 --> 01:55:28.960
how the system itself functions.

1646
01:55:29.120 --> 01:55:38.720
But, um, uh, usually, well, at least from my experience, usually the, you know,

1647
01:55:38.720 --> 01:55:45.400
being submitted to the Lord, um, the, usually the, the, um, everything comes

1648
01:55:45.400 --> 01:55:52.320
into alignment, meaning like that, which is refuses to gets removed as opposed

1649
01:55:52.320 --> 01:55:56.120
to everything, just resisting and everything, just being bad eventually.

1650
01:55:56.360 --> 01:56:01.880
And it can take some time for a long time, but it depends, but, um, you know,

1651
01:56:01.880 --> 01:56:08.680
usually in the situations that I've been in, um, I don't fully know how to

1652
01:56:08.680 --> 01:56:15.480
describe for you or even to myself, which situations don't sometimes come

1653
01:56:15.480 --> 01:56:21.520
into alignment, I can just tell you that usually they do eventually.

1654
01:56:21.720 --> 01:56:26.640
And I don't know if it's my tenacity of like sticking things out and staying

1655
01:56:26.640 --> 01:56:31.440
long enough now by that, by that, you know, really, I'm just following the Lord.

1656
01:56:31.440 --> 01:56:32.880
Lord, how long do you want me to be here?

1657
01:56:32.880 --> 01:56:34.600
How long do you stay or whatever?

1658
01:56:34.600 --> 01:56:42.560
But so, so I, so, you know, not, um, so, uh, not taking credit for that.

1659
01:56:43.080 --> 01:56:48.160
Um, it's just that, you know, but you do have a high pain threshold, huh?

1660
01:56:48.320 --> 01:56:49.840
But you do have a high pain threshold.

1661
01:56:49.840 --> 01:56:54.040
I do, and it is true that I have stayed longer than, than I

1662
01:56:54.040 --> 01:56:55.600
should have at certain places.

1663
01:56:55.600 --> 01:56:59.360
But so maybe I would, I didn't mean to give myself credit for like,

1664
01:56:59.360 --> 01:57:00.840
oh, maybe it's just my tenacity.

1665
01:57:01.200 --> 01:57:05.160
But, um, I meant that, you know, the fact that I had stayed there

1666
01:57:05.160 --> 01:57:09.040
because God has told me to, and then of course there's been, and I've

1667
01:57:09.040 --> 01:57:12.760
just like, just decided I'm just going to dig in my stakes and I'm just

1668
01:57:12.760 --> 01:57:14.760
going to do it because it's right.

1669
01:57:15.680 --> 01:57:18.760
And I wasn't doing it every, I would does not doing things, all

1670
01:57:18.760 --> 01:57:21.520
things from place of rest back then, but a lot of striving and a lot of

1671
01:57:21.520 --> 01:57:25.720
just, I'm going to grit my teeth and bear it and gain a lot of pain

1672
01:57:25.720 --> 01:57:27.120
and a lot of hurt as a result.

1673
01:57:27.480 --> 01:57:29.960
But anyway, um, I have noticed that the majority of the times

1674
01:57:29.960 --> 01:57:32.000
that we, um, uh, things do shift.

1675
01:57:32.560 --> 01:57:35.560
They can take a long time, or at least it feels like a long time.

1676
01:57:35.880 --> 01:57:39.480
I think when I look back on them, they, all those things, usually

1677
01:57:39.480 --> 01:57:44.080
depending on how intense it is and like meeting, like how often that it happens.

1678
01:57:44.640 --> 01:57:46.520
Um, I have a tendency to it.

1679
01:57:46.520 --> 01:57:48.040
Things will just change within months.

1680
01:57:48.760 --> 01:57:49.480
Not years.

1681
01:57:49.960 --> 01:57:53.600
It's things that I very rarely have touch points with like certain

1682
01:57:53.600 --> 01:57:59.280
family events and interactions that might take longer, but, um, those,

1683
01:57:59.280 --> 01:58:02.520
in fact, those have taken longer just because the touch points are further

1684
01:58:02.520 --> 01:58:06.920
apart, but the touch points are closer together, those things transition,

1685
01:58:07.000 --> 01:58:09.280
um, you know, within weeks or months.

1686
01:58:09.800 --> 01:58:16.400
So, but yeah, but so just as an encouragement, they all usually come into alignment.

1687
01:58:16.680 --> 01:58:17.080
Yeah.

1688
01:58:17.440 --> 01:58:17.840
Yeah.

1689
01:58:18.080 --> 01:58:18.360
Yep.

1690
01:58:18.840 --> 01:58:23.080
I don't know why, maybe because everything is meant ultimately

1691
01:58:24.160 --> 01:58:25.720
because it's created by God.

1692
01:58:25.960 --> 01:58:26.320
Right.

1693
01:58:26.320 --> 01:58:29.560
I mean, they like all of its creator long for the truth.

1694
01:58:30.040 --> 01:58:30.560
Yeah.

1695
01:58:31.080 --> 01:58:31.600
Yeah.

1696
01:58:32.600 --> 01:58:36.680
And I don't know, maybe part of it is a son of God claiming something,

1697
01:58:37.200 --> 01:58:40.360
claiming it for God as opposed to giving up on it.

1698
01:58:40.880 --> 01:58:43.800
Well, you know, like Moses did with the Israelites where God

1699
01:58:43.800 --> 01:58:45.120
said, I wanted to wipe them out.

1700
01:58:45.680 --> 01:58:48.480
And Moses is just like, no, maybe.

1701
01:58:48.480 --> 01:58:49.120
So I don't know.

1702
01:58:49.200 --> 01:58:51.440
Anyway, that's really powerful.

1703
01:58:51.520 --> 01:58:53.240
It's just more stuff I was thinking about.

1704
01:58:53.920 --> 01:58:55.000
Oh, it's really good.

1705
01:58:55.080 --> 01:58:55.840
It's really good.

1706
01:58:56.200 --> 01:58:59.200
Very life-giving lots to stir on.

1707
01:59:01.080 --> 01:59:06.720
Well, I'm looking forward to, um, uh, gaining from your wisdom and me being

1708
01:59:06.720 --> 01:59:10.040
in your seat, being in the hot seat.

1709
01:59:10.360 --> 01:59:10.920
That's right.

1710
01:59:10.920 --> 01:59:13.440
I was going to say being in the hot seat, but then I was like, well, I don't want

1711
01:59:13.640 --> 01:59:17.400
to feel like she's a Nazi right now, but yeah.

1712
01:59:17.440 --> 01:59:20.920
Um, I'm very much looking forward to it on Friday because I'm like, okay, I need

1713
01:59:20.920 --> 01:59:26.800
some of Lindsay's like just her wisdom and comfort and counsel and assurance

1714
01:59:26.800 --> 01:59:29.520
and stuff on like multiple fronts.

1715
01:59:29.760 --> 01:59:34.680
So on some stuff related to, um, just what it is that I'm looking to do.

1716
01:59:34.680 --> 01:59:36.920
And so anyway, yeah, I'm excited.

1717
01:59:37.000 --> 01:59:38.120
I'm really excited.

1718
01:59:38.160 --> 01:59:39.440
This is the dream for me.

1719
01:59:40.480 --> 01:59:41.520
I told you the story.

1720
01:59:41.560 --> 01:59:43.400
I was like, I told you the story.

1721
01:59:43.400 --> 01:59:45.360
Someone said, what would you want to be doing by the end of this year?

1722
01:59:45.360 --> 01:59:47.760
And I'm like, I want to help people like my friend, Ashley.

1723
01:59:47.840 --> 01:59:52.120
Oh, that's cool.

1724
01:59:52.480 --> 01:59:52.960
Yeah.

1725
01:59:53.080 --> 01:59:53.400
Yeah.

1726
01:59:53.400 --> 01:59:54.320
I mean, that's the thing.

1727
01:59:54.320 --> 01:59:58.600
I mean, you, like what you carry is so weighty and like anything I can do to

1728
01:59:58.600 --> 02:00:00.120
help the depth of who you are.

1729
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.600
you are go wider to more people.

1730
02:00:02.600 --> 02:00:05.120
Like I'm in that's, that's fun for me.

1731
02:00:05.340 --> 02:00:06.420
I appreciate it.

1732
02:00:06.420 --> 02:00:11.460
It means a lot to me and it's dream come true for me to get to see what I work

1733
02:00:11.460 --> 02:00:16.140
with YouTube and for me to have, for me to have help for me to have someone who

1734
02:00:16.140 --> 02:00:24.660
can, who can, um, bear my weight, so to speak of like my questions and my concerns

1735
02:00:24.700 --> 02:00:28.460
and my wonderings and my whatever, because as I'm sure that, you know, from

1736
02:00:28.460 --> 02:00:33.680
your, from, you know, your life, um, I'm used to having to have all the answers.

1737
02:00:34.080 --> 02:00:34.580
Yeah.

1738
02:00:35.360 --> 02:00:41.080
And this is not something that I tell many people, but, um, me asking for help

1739
02:00:41.120 --> 02:00:45.560
and me, me reaching out and being mentored and stuff like that is, um,

1740
02:00:46.600 --> 02:00:52.180
as weird as it sounds, it's, uh, has been a big, uh, challenge for me.

1741
02:00:52.720 --> 02:00:54.880
And it has been for my siblings as well.

1742
02:00:54.880 --> 02:01:01.500
And that's because in the family that I grew up in, you're always, you can't be

1743
02:01:01.500 --> 02:01:07.140
both, you can only be one, you have to either be, you have, and you have to be

1744
02:01:07.140 --> 02:01:12.540
the one who has all the answers, because if you don't have all of them, then

1745
02:01:12.740 --> 02:01:14.540
you don't have any of them.

1746
02:01:15.420 --> 02:01:22.460
And, um, and, and therefore you're in your, and if you ask for someone else's

1747
02:01:22.480 --> 02:01:31.280
advice or wisdom and glean from it and didn't know, you didn't know how to do

1748
02:01:31.280 --> 02:01:35.040
it or whatever, um, then you're weak.

1749
02:01:35.480 --> 02:01:35.980
Yep.

1750
02:01:37.200 --> 02:01:41.200
And it is so entrenched in my family.

1751
02:01:41.200 --> 02:01:42.400
It's not even funny.

1752
02:01:42.800 --> 02:01:44.240
It's that's the fan sales.

1753
02:01:44.800 --> 02:01:45.560
Really?

1754
02:01:45.800 --> 02:01:46.700
Oh, 100%.

1755
02:01:46.760 --> 02:01:48.200
That's everything I've been walking through.

1756
02:01:48.460 --> 02:01:52.420
Oh, well, I didn't think that it was because I thought that yours was, um,

1757
02:01:52.460 --> 02:01:56.500
because you're, you're, you're a mother and father-in-law came to you saying,

1758
02:01:56.540 --> 02:01:57.780
oh, we'd love to be your friends.

1759
02:01:57.780 --> 02:01:58.460
And I thought, oh, okay.

1760
02:01:58.460 --> 02:02:00.380
So apparently they don't have that problem.

1761
02:02:01.380 --> 02:02:05.420
I mean, that's been part of the struggle is because it's not, it doesn't feel

1762
02:02:05.420 --> 02:02:08.780
two ways because they're always fine.

1763
02:02:10.180 --> 02:02:11.220
Oh, yes.

1764
02:02:11.260 --> 02:02:12.140
It's not reciprocal.

1765
02:02:12.180 --> 02:02:15.180
It's not like let's be friends and Hey, here's, here's what I'm struggling with.

1766
02:02:15.200 --> 02:02:19.480
I mean, to the point where now I've been unpacking with my sister-in-law too.

1767
02:02:19.480 --> 02:02:24.120
Cause my sister-in-law for the very first time is going to therapy, which

1768
02:02:24.160 --> 02:02:29.220
they don't believe in, which the, you know, the parents, you know, and is

1769
02:02:29.220 --> 02:02:35.400
gleaning and she's realizing that, you know, there had to be a combustion in

1770
02:02:35.400 --> 02:02:39.920
her own life where leaders who were watching over her, thankfully said, Hey,

1771
02:02:39.920 --> 02:02:44.920
you need help and it was hard for her to even admit, and this isn't something

1772
02:02:45.060 --> 02:02:47.900
I'm not sharing anything super confidential, but like just, you know,

1773
02:02:47.900 --> 02:02:52.100
she's, she's been, she's like, this is awesome because she's finally being set

1774
02:02:52.100 --> 02:02:57.300
free and realizing like, I don't have to have all the answers and that's okay.

1775
02:02:58.220 --> 02:03:00.340
And so, yeah, yeah.

1776
02:03:00.340 --> 02:03:01.460
That's part of it.

1777
02:03:01.900 --> 02:03:02.460
Okay.

1778
02:03:02.500 --> 02:03:04.460
I thought y'all's was very different.

1779
02:03:04.460 --> 02:03:07.220
And I thought, well, I don't know, maybe one of these, I think

1780
02:03:07.220 --> 02:03:09.060
it's, I think it's what they want.

1781
02:03:09.100 --> 02:03:11.700
I think in their hearts, it's what they want.

1782
02:03:11.760 --> 02:03:17.040
Like, they want to like be peer level with their kids, but they,

1783
02:03:17.160 --> 02:03:22.200
but it, it, it's kind of a facade, you know, like, yeah, I've gotten to the

1784
02:03:22.200 --> 02:03:24.360
point where I'm like, I don't even know if they see it, like, I don't think

1785
02:03:24.360 --> 02:03:28.080
they're in, I don't think they're trying to be dishonest, think it's like what

1786
02:03:28.080 --> 02:03:33.660
they want, but at the same time, they can't give up this, like superiority of

1787
02:03:33.660 --> 02:03:41.520
like, yeah, it is the point where you can't, they, they end, they enter

1788
02:03:41.520 --> 02:03:47.420
into places that are like trustworthy spaces and they feel like they have to

1789
02:03:47.460 --> 02:03:52.980
critique and like, oh, I would do it this way and yeah, yeah.

1790
02:03:53.580 --> 02:03:53.940
Yeah.

1791
02:03:53.940 --> 02:03:58.620
I mean, and then like, it'll come up to me with, you know, mom is, is a lot.

1792
02:03:59.140 --> 02:04:02.140
Has like changed in so many ways over the years.

1793
02:04:02.180 --> 02:04:06.700
And, um, and, and so hers, my relationship in many ways, because I

1794
02:04:06.700 --> 02:04:10.900
finally stood up for, started standing up for myself and owning myself.

1795
02:04:11.000 --> 02:04:14.920
And, um, because I ran into a situation like you did with your sister in law

1796
02:04:14.920 --> 02:04:18.040
and your, and your mom, you know, about like Jordan and not going to her play

1797
02:04:18.040 --> 02:04:22.960
and all that, well, I had a situation like that with my sister and where my

1798
02:04:22.960 --> 02:04:24.360
sister and I wish we were fine.

1799
02:04:24.840 --> 02:04:27.600
My mom was not anyway.

1800
02:04:27.600 --> 02:04:28.800
And they called me out on it.

1801
02:04:28.800 --> 02:04:29.320
Basically.

1802
02:04:29.320 --> 02:04:33.360
They were saying my sister had, um, had it was having an in and out surgery one

1803
02:04:33.360 --> 02:04:37.560
morning and my sister hadn't even told me it was on our foot and my head.

1804
02:04:37.560 --> 02:04:40.320
She hadn't even told me, well, apparently, so I found out through my

1805
02:04:41.260 --> 02:04:43.260
that Audra was going to have that.

1806
02:04:43.340 --> 02:04:48.300
And then her in that Audra had a friend that was going to drive all the way down

1807
02:04:48.300 --> 02:04:51.860
for, it took, it was going to take her the lady, at least 30 minutes, she had a

1808
02:04:51.860 --> 02:04:55.660
kid and everything, and she was going to drive down like it to make sure to pick

1809
02:04:55.660 --> 02:04:59.980
Audra up and have her to the doctor by like six in the morning, it's so much.

1810
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:04.960
mom called me from her work and she said, Hey, Ashley, I'm going to just tell me all this. I'm

1811
02:05:04.960 --> 02:05:08.800
like, Oh wow. You know, I just didn't tell me she was going to do all of that. You know,

1812
02:05:08.800 --> 02:05:11.520
she didn't tell me that she had, that's going to have to have surgery, et cetera.

1813
02:05:12.160 --> 02:05:14.800
And she's like, yeah, and then this is what a friend's going to do. And she says,

1814
02:05:14.800 --> 02:05:18.320
so I was thinking that, you know, I'm going to go down and I'm going to,

1815
02:05:18.320 --> 02:05:23.520
I have to go into work, but then I'll be able to be back to the house by like 10 or something.

1816
02:05:23.520 --> 02:05:29.040
And I was thinking that maybe you could call and offer to take Audra instead of her friend.

1817
02:05:30.480 --> 02:05:36.320
You know, and you can stay there. This is my life. We are the same person.

1818
02:05:38.560 --> 02:05:46.160
I was just like, I'm not hearing this right. I was 30. How old was I? I was 35 when that

1819
02:05:46.160 --> 02:05:52.800
happened. It was August of 19, sorry, 2019. It was not that long ago. I was going,

1820
02:05:53.760 --> 02:06:02.480
am I, am I 18 again? Yeah. Am I, I'm like 35 years old. Anyway, I'm going, I've been,

1821
02:06:02.480 --> 02:06:06.880
I've been a business consultant. I worked for very large worldwide corporations.

1822
02:06:08.560 --> 02:06:13.760
But two things I need to do with my sisters, making a plan for you, making a plan.

1823
02:06:14.640 --> 02:06:20.320
Shocked. Even though I know, even though I know what it is and what's going on and I've lived in

1824
02:06:20.320 --> 02:06:26.800
it my whole life, it was like my eye, an event finally happened again. Only this time my eyes

1825
02:06:26.800 --> 02:06:32.480
were opened and I'm like watching it while it's happening. I'm going, I can't believe that this,

1826
02:06:32.480 --> 02:06:39.360
this is happening as in like, this is how I've lived. Okay. No, no more. And so I said, mom,

1827
02:06:39.360 --> 02:06:42.800
you know, I think I said, I'm really excited. I think this is wonderful.

1828
02:06:43.680 --> 02:06:49.200
Audra's got friends that love her this much. She didn't even tell me her sister that she was

1829
02:06:49.200 --> 02:06:53.840
going to have surgery, let alone ask me to come help her. I think it's wonderful. And this will

1830
02:06:53.840 --> 02:06:59.520
be a really good bonding experience for them. I think it's great. So my mom got really tight and

1831
02:07:00.560 --> 02:07:06.080
you know, and stiff anyway. So she came home later and she did, she did a pattern that she

1832
02:07:06.080 --> 02:07:10.240
normally does. And I've told mom that she does this pattern. And so over the years, she's finally

1833
02:07:10.240 --> 02:07:16.320
stopped doing it, but she's done it ever since I reckon ever since I was young and I recognized it

1834
02:07:16.320 --> 02:07:21.520
in high school that it was a predictable pattern is if I made her upset and I didn't, if I didn't

1835
02:07:21.520 --> 02:07:28.320
like make peace with her, I, as the child would make peace, then she would be mad at me for three

1836
02:07:28.320 --> 02:07:33.600
days. Like she would talk to everybody else and then change when she would talk to me.

1837
02:07:34.480 --> 02:07:40.720
This is a very solid Christian woman loves the Lord. And it's very submissive to him. And I'm

1838
02:07:40.720 --> 02:07:48.560
telling you, we all have things. So she started doing that again, even though I'm 35 years old,

1839
02:07:48.560 --> 02:07:52.480
she started doing the whole like three day thing. And I bet this time I was like, no,

1840
02:07:53.360 --> 02:08:00.320
no, I'm, I'm right on this one. And I, I, I'm my own person before the Lord taught in yourself.

1841
02:08:02.400 --> 02:08:08.240
Oh, by the way, this was one month after I'd first heard that, um, that, uh, that story from Chris,

1842
02:08:08.320 --> 02:08:16.000
uh, first heard Chris Blackabee's, uh, teachings. So my life had changed in like four weeks.

1843
02:08:16.000 --> 02:08:21.520
I know that is when this happened. So it's like writing. So all of a sudden it's God's like,

1844
02:08:21.520 --> 02:08:26.160
okay, Ashley, so who are you? So they've got to step out on it now. I'm like, okay.

1845
02:08:27.920 --> 02:08:34.080
Oh yeah. So anyway, it caused a big, big stink. Then the only reason I'm telling you all this

1846
02:08:34.080 --> 02:08:37.520
is just in case you can relate and it gets you and gives you an encouragement.

1847
02:08:37.520 --> 02:08:41.760
The biggest blow up my family and my parents and I have ever had

1848
02:08:43.520 --> 02:08:51.280
was on, was prompted by that because I asked to talk to my parents. Oh, like, okay. So I said,

1849
02:08:51.280 --> 02:08:54.720
we need to, I was wondering, you know, could y'all give me some time? And there's something

1850
02:08:54.720 --> 02:09:00.080
I'd like to talk to y'all about. You don't do that with my parents. They call the meetings.

1851
02:09:00.080 --> 02:09:03.680
You don't, but anyway, so I did it and they're like, yeah, sure. We've got some things we'd

1852
02:09:03.680 --> 02:09:09.600
like to talk to you about too. I'm like, okay. Interestingly, that worked out. Yeah. So anyway,

1853
02:09:09.600 --> 02:09:14.560
we, uh, I told them what it is that they thought and they thought I was selfish and they literally

1854
02:09:14.560 --> 02:09:20.400
called me, excuse me. It was, they called me like all of the horrible, it was like the worst

1855
02:09:21.280 --> 02:09:25.200
cases. I'm not trying to like paint a bad light about my parents. I love my parents.

1856
02:09:27.200 --> 02:09:32.240
They're wonderful people. I'm telling you, this was my experience and this is how this is,

1857
02:09:32.240 --> 02:09:37.680
this is the type of situation I found myself in and it hurt really bad. So they literally,

1858
02:09:39.200 --> 02:09:43.680
before my eyes played out all of my worst nightmares that I had literally, I told myself

1859
02:09:43.680 --> 02:09:48.640
for years, almost like the vows, like I would do whatever it is I had to do for, for me to never

1860
02:09:48.640 --> 02:09:53.120
be in this situation with my parents. And I had multiple things. I never wanted them to tell me.

1861
02:09:53.120 --> 02:10:00.000
They labeled me as literally all the things I had, I had to do for them to not be in this situation.

1862
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:02.760
pulled myself, I never wanted them to have to call me any of

1863
02:10:02.760 --> 02:10:06.160
those things. He called me all of them. I was like, well, here

1864
02:10:06.160 --> 02:10:10.360
we are. So anyway, so from that point, I was like, no, because

1865
02:10:10.360 --> 02:10:13.320
who did it? Who have I learned that I am? And I have to stand

1866
02:10:13.320 --> 02:10:16.700
in that identity. So when I talk about my relationships being on

1867
02:10:16.700 --> 02:10:20.120
the rocks during that time, when I made those final ultimatums

1868
02:10:20.120 --> 02:10:23.520
with the Lord, his final ultimate choices, those are the

1869
02:10:23.520 --> 02:10:27.640
relationships that I'm talking about. But it also brought some

1870
02:10:27.640 --> 02:10:33.360
stuff open between my brother, sister and I. Because before

1871
02:10:33.360 --> 02:10:36.560
then, we never talked about the dysfunction in our family.

1872
02:10:36.600 --> 02:10:39.640
That's exactly what's happening with I mean, select siblings,

1873
02:10:39.640 --> 02:10:43.320
like his sister in law. Yeah. I mean, his sister and my sister

1874
02:10:43.320 --> 02:10:47.200
in law, his sister. Yeah, we just never. Yeah, we just

1875
02:10:47.280 --> 02:10:53.080
didn't know. We could, there was this whole thing of like, then

1876
02:10:53.080 --> 02:10:55.920
it would be talking badly about them. And you never want to do

1877
02:10:55.920 --> 02:10:59.120
that. Yes, we didn't even talk to each other about it. Well,

1878
02:10:59.120 --> 02:11:02.920
because it's very unsafe, because you are dismantling.

1879
02:11:02.960 --> 02:11:07.880
Yes. So much of what you put your own stock and identity in.

1880
02:11:07.880 --> 02:11:12.880
I mean, this is my birthday, my birthday, Liesl, who's Bruce's

1881
02:11:12.880 --> 02:11:15.160
sister, like reached out and said, Hey, like, I'm going to be

1882
02:11:15.160 --> 02:11:17.760
in town. Let's drink. Let's grab, you know, dinner and

1883
02:11:17.760 --> 02:11:21.440
drinks with Jordan. So she like organized it. This was in June.

1884
02:11:21.480 --> 02:11:24.800
This was just this June. We sat there and it was like, kind of

1885
02:11:24.800 --> 02:11:28.120
awkward at first. It's been a while since we've all been

1886
02:11:28.120 --> 02:11:31.360
together. And then like something opened up. I mean, to

1887
02:11:31.360 --> 02:11:34.280
the point where Liesl's like, because she had at this point

1888
02:11:34.280 --> 02:11:37.640
have been in therapy and stuff. And she said, like, I think

1889
02:11:37.640 --> 02:11:41.960
there's narcissistic tendencies in our family. And it was just

1890
02:11:41.960 --> 02:11:46.200
like, the thing that I had in my heart that I was so like, I had

1891
02:11:46.200 --> 02:11:48.560
kind of recognized things. And I'm like, that's pretty extreme,

1892
02:11:48.560 --> 02:11:51.640
Lindsay, like, I don't think you could go there. Yeah. And then

1893
02:11:51.640 --> 02:11:55.600
she verbalized it. And I was like, Oh, wow, like, we're going

1894
02:11:55.600 --> 02:11:59.480
there. But it just I mean, I'm not saying it like healed

1895
02:11:59.480 --> 02:12:05.560
anything, but it opened up this possibility of like, honesty

1896
02:12:05.560 --> 02:12:08.800
that was never there before of like, we have like, we, there

1897
02:12:08.800 --> 02:12:12.240
has to be things revealed in order for there to be things

1898
02:12:12.240 --> 02:12:16.840
that are healed. Yeah. And that had just never been a it had

1899
02:12:16.840 --> 02:12:20.040
been things I kind of had noticed. And you got it's not

1900
02:12:20.040 --> 02:12:23.360
my, they're not my family. But I like, I mean, I call them mom

1901
02:12:23.360 --> 02:12:27.360
and dad, like, we're very close. Oh, yeah. So I love them like a

1902
02:12:27.360 --> 02:12:31.960
moment. Like, I'm not. You know, and that's the tension. Like you

1903
02:12:31.960 --> 02:12:34.960
you said, it's like, we have to acknowledge that there's

1904
02:12:34.960 --> 02:12:39.080
dysfunction, or ultimately acknowledging, like, I wish it

1905
02:12:39.080 --> 02:12:41.680
could be different. And I have hope that it can be different

1906
02:12:41.720 --> 02:12:44.840
reading it. Yeah. Yeah. But that's really interesting.

1907
02:12:45.240 --> 02:12:47.680
Yeah. How did we find each other? We're literally like, I

1908
02:12:47.680 --> 02:12:49.240
know, the same person.

1909
02:12:51.200 --> 02:12:53.240
That's a wild. That's wild.

1910
02:12:53.280 --> 02:12:58.320
No, yeah. But I forgot that that just as a side note, just to

1911
02:12:58.320 --> 02:13:01.720
continue my whole point of telling you that story. And I

1912
02:13:01.720 --> 02:13:05.240
don't know. Now what I'm looking at, I'm like, what it what

1913
02:13:05.240 --> 02:13:07.960
connection that I see. But the thing that I was going to say

1914
02:13:07.960 --> 02:13:11.200
was that one of the things that I've noticed about like, they

1915
02:13:11.200 --> 02:13:14.560
always have to, what I discovered, they always have to

1916
02:13:14.560 --> 02:13:17.320
be right, or they always have to know everything. That's what I'm

1917
02:13:17.320 --> 02:13:22.680
trying to ask for help. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is is when I'll

1918
02:13:22.680 --> 02:13:25.920
tell them certain things about like, Oh, my word, you know, I'm

1919
02:13:25.920 --> 02:13:29.520
just like, you know, there's there's this going on in the

1920
02:13:29.520 --> 02:13:34.400
church, or there's this going on in, in in like, I don't

1921
02:13:34.400 --> 02:13:37.280
remember, like, I mean, I remember, but I don't know how

1922
02:13:37.280 --> 02:13:39.200
to describe it. It's like, oh, this is what's going on in

1923
02:13:39.200 --> 02:13:41.560
Christianity these days, or these are some of the problems

1924
02:13:41.560 --> 02:13:45.160
that that are rising up in these people that that we know. And

1925
02:13:45.160 --> 02:13:47.080
these are some situations that we're dealing with. And I was

1926
02:13:47.080 --> 02:13:52.240
like, you know, it's just it's just wild, etc. And then I'm

1927
02:13:52.240 --> 02:13:56.160
just shocked. It's like my mom will switch and she was like,

1928
02:13:56.160 --> 02:14:00.880
Ashley, she's like, Oh, I know. She said, you kids don't know

1929
02:14:00.880 --> 02:14:05.440
she'll do that. You kids don't know that. But you know, you

1930
02:14:05.440 --> 02:14:09.720
know, your dad and I have have known that since the 80s. You

1931
02:14:09.720 --> 02:14:12.120
know, yeah, and we've been dealing with that since the

1932
02:14:12.120 --> 02:14:14.200
ages. Oh, yeah, actually, all this stuff that y'all are

1933
02:14:14.200 --> 02:14:16.480
seeing your dad and I've, you know, we've seen it in the

1934
02:14:16.480 --> 02:14:22.000
church for decades. We've whatever. Yeah, I'm sure y'all

1935
02:14:22.000 --> 02:14:27.080
have. Yeah. So in other words, you can't know anything, and be

1936
02:14:27.080 --> 02:14:28.520
able to offer anything.

1937
02:14:28.560 --> 02:14:32.120
You can't offer anything. When they when they change their

1938
02:14:32.120 --> 02:14:35.000
minds on something which has happened. The church is a great

1939
02:14:35.000 --> 02:14:38.240
example. These people have led implanted churches for the last

1940
02:14:38.240 --> 02:14:43.040
30 years. And then everything blows up. And then all sudden

1941
02:14:43.040 --> 02:14:47.080
they have this revelation of like, the organizational church

1942
02:14:47.080 --> 02:14:51.040
is like, not even necessary. Oh, yeah. You know, and I'm like,

1943
02:14:51.080 --> 02:14:53.360
which is like, you can believe what you want. And I can

1944
02:14:53.360 --> 02:14:56.080
definitely meet you in some of those places of like, yeah,

1945
02:14:56.080 --> 02:14:59.800
there's definitely we need some things to change because I don't

1946
02:14:59.800 --> 02:15:00.000
you

1947
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:03.320
We don't love this building, but like, there's no point in time where there's

1948
02:15:03.320 --> 02:15:08.200
like, uh, like a transition, like, man, I know for the last 30 years, we've

1949
02:15:08.200 --> 02:15:11.520
spent our lives building something that we're realizing now, like, maybe it

1950
02:15:11.520 --> 02:15:16.440
wasn't kingdom, like, okay, let's have that conversation, but it's as

1951
02:15:16.440 --> 02:15:18.040
if it's always been this way.

1952
02:15:18.720 --> 02:15:22.960
And I'm like, I'm like, meanwhile, you have raised your children.

1953
02:15:23.000 --> 02:15:28.520
And, and I will include myself in the last 13 years of that to love and give

1954
02:15:28.520 --> 02:15:33.520
our lives and lay down our lives and sacrifice for the building of the local

1955
02:15:33.520 --> 02:15:34.160
church.

1956
02:15:34.320 --> 02:15:34.840
Yeah.

1957
02:15:35.320 --> 02:15:35.720
Yeah.

1958
02:15:36.480 --> 02:15:40.640
So then you're like, so as someone like me, who, who is like desperately

1959
02:15:40.640 --> 02:15:45.560
looking for a sense of safety and, you know, at the time before coming into

1960
02:15:45.560 --> 02:15:55.400
Chris's teaching, looking for a tangible Christ, I'm like, you know, like, I'm

1961
02:15:55.400 --> 02:15:56.840
like, what is even real anymore?

1962
02:15:56.840 --> 02:16:00.120
And you want me to follow you into that unknown, knowing that you could

1963
02:16:00.120 --> 02:16:05.320
change your mind again without any acknowledgement that there was a change.

1964
02:16:07.280 --> 02:16:07.720
Yeah.

1965
02:16:07.800 --> 02:16:08.160
Yeah.

1966
02:16:08.160 --> 02:16:11.360
I, I hear you through it.

1967
02:16:12.000 --> 02:16:18.160
And so I've just kind of learned to just, I don't know of how to like form of

1968
02:16:18.160 --> 02:16:20.040
how to approach conversations.

1969
02:16:20.520 --> 02:16:24.960
And I so badly wish, you know, you, you wish with how much your parents have

1970
02:16:24.960 --> 02:16:31.600
contributed to you, that you could be, that your contribution could be valued

1971
02:16:31.760 --> 02:16:33.959
is like, you've got something to give.

1972
02:16:34.559 --> 02:16:40.600
But even these days, you know, as old as we are, we don't feel like we have

1973
02:16:40.600 --> 02:16:41.440
something to give.

1974
02:16:41.440 --> 02:16:44.559
Now there's a few things that have changed in the back.

1975
02:16:44.559 --> 02:16:47.760
Like what, sometimes when my dad will want to know how to do something on an

1976
02:16:47.760 --> 02:16:52.959
Excel or, um, or he'll know, want to do, do some kind of a project.

1977
02:16:52.959 --> 02:16:56.200
And I, his, in my mind are very similar in how we work.

1978
02:16:56.480 --> 02:17:01.080
And so he'll bounce ideas off from off of me and that, and he'll like, he'll

1979
02:17:01.120 --> 02:17:04.959
expose the fact that he's run into a roadblock and he doesn't know what to do.

1980
02:17:05.520 --> 02:17:06.040
Yeah.

1981
02:17:06.200 --> 02:17:09.760
And so he'll, I'm, I was shocked when that started happening.

1982
02:17:10.320 --> 02:17:13.400
So he started doing that and that allowed us to connect.

1983
02:17:13.400 --> 02:17:17.160
And I've so appreciated that because I noticed I'm like, oh my word, this is a

1984
02:17:17.160 --> 02:17:17.840
really big deal.

1985
02:17:17.879 --> 02:17:20.080
I'm not really sure what to do with this anyway.

1986
02:17:20.080 --> 02:17:22.719
So our, our relationship has really blossomed in that area.

1987
02:17:23.120 --> 02:17:27.520
But then, but, but when it comes to the spiritual stuff, I was going to say,

1988
02:17:27.520 --> 02:17:31.080
well, how do they, how do they interact with your revelation of rest?

1989
02:17:31.680 --> 02:17:40.320
Uh, they don't, they don't, they don't, they, they've not heard me teach on it.

1990
02:17:40.879 --> 02:17:43.480
I mean, are they aware that you're doing what you're doing?

1991
02:17:43.480 --> 02:17:43.799
Yeah.

1992
02:17:43.920 --> 02:17:46.160
They're aware they, they know how the rest intensive, et cetera.

1993
02:17:46.160 --> 02:17:53.520
I don't know if they've ever watched one of my teachings.

1994
02:17:54.440 --> 02:17:55.559
I don't know.

1995
02:17:55.559 --> 02:17:59.080
It's possible that they watched the 40 minute summary, maybe.

1996
02:17:59.360 --> 02:17:59.879
Yeah.

1997
02:18:00.240 --> 02:18:03.120
But yeah, I've given him access to my teachings.

1998
02:18:03.160 --> 02:18:08.559
They, and they said, oh yeah, we want, we want access to him, whatever, but they

1999
02:18:08.559 --> 02:18:11.799
don't want to, don't talk to me about it.

2000
02:18:11.799 --> 02:18:16.280
In fact, it took them a long time to actually ask me questions about like how

2001
02:18:16.280 --> 02:18:23.440
it was going and whatever, um, but they don't know, they don't fully know what it

2002
02:18:23.440 --> 02:18:29.520
is, I believe, and whenever I do mention something that I believe they, they

2003
02:18:29.520 --> 02:18:36.280
either don't, they, they, how, how to put that they either avoid talking about it.

2004
02:18:36.280 --> 02:18:38.440
Kind of like, oh, well, that's nice.

2005
02:18:39.160 --> 02:18:41.360
Whatever, or they'll do that.

2006
02:18:41.400 --> 02:18:42.080
Oh yeah.

2007
02:18:42.120 --> 02:18:42.320
Yeah.

2008
02:18:42.320 --> 02:18:43.719
That's absolutely true.

2009
02:18:43.760 --> 02:18:46.040
And, and that, yeah, that's just the way that it is.

2010
02:18:46.040 --> 02:18:50.080
And then they add to the conversation because they know, yeah, they know it's

2011
02:18:50.080 --> 02:18:53.760
so it's kind of like, no, you, you really, really don't.

2012
02:18:53.799 --> 02:18:56.080
And I know that because I know how you raised me.

2013
02:19:00.920 --> 02:19:02.200
Why didn't you tell me?

2014
02:19:02.719 --> 02:19:03.760
Well, I know.

2015
02:19:03.920 --> 02:19:13.240
So this is just like my heart of a child wanting so badly to have, to be seen like

2016
02:19:13.240 --> 02:19:19.280
having a valuable contribution, other than simply what it is that other than

2017
02:19:19.280 --> 02:19:24.680
mirroring how great their teaching was and then being raised.

2018
02:19:24.760 --> 02:19:28.600
Um, and so that that's hard, but I will tell you this, and this is

2019
02:19:28.600 --> 02:19:30.120
something I just discovered.

2020
02:19:30.639 --> 02:19:33.719
Um, my brother is talking about like visiting with siblings, my brother and

2021
02:19:33.719 --> 02:19:38.559
sister-in-law, we were visiting, um, the two of us were visiting with Ed and I,

2022
02:19:38.959 --> 02:19:45.760
and, um, and, and then, um, uh, and Dan, I don't remember if it was Danielle or

2023
02:19:45.760 --> 02:19:48.600
Brendan, maybe it was Brendan who brought it up, Brendan's my brother.

2024
02:19:49.320 --> 02:19:51.160
And he's four years younger than I am.

2025
02:19:51.240 --> 02:19:55.120
And he said, well, Ashley, you know, you do have noticed, haven't you?

2026
02:19:55.120 --> 02:19:59.120
That mom and dad treat me different than they treat you and Andra.

2027
02:19:59.120 --> 02:19:59.840
Mike.

2028
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:04.360
I said, well, well, what do you mean?

2029
02:20:04.360 --> 02:20:08.840
And then I said, and I think I said, I don't remember if I said something like, oh, yeah,

2030
02:20:08.840 --> 02:20:10.960
no, no, I don't remember.

2031
02:20:10.960 --> 02:20:12.600
I think I said, well, I don't know.

2032
02:20:12.600 --> 02:20:14.440
I don't understand what you mean.

2033
02:20:14.440 --> 02:20:18.520
And then as he explained it, I was like, oh, that I was like, oh, yeah, I've always thought

2034
02:20:18.520 --> 02:20:23.320
that was really sweet that they really, you know, that you talk to them about stuff and

2035
02:20:23.320 --> 02:20:28.880
that they, that they really listen to you when you're in your, not your counsel, but

2036
02:20:28.880 --> 02:20:32.400
your, like he's advising them, but your wisdom, that's what it was.

2037
02:20:32.400 --> 02:20:36.280
So your wisdom and your revelation in the Lord, I said, I've always thought that was

2038
02:20:36.280 --> 02:20:40.240
amazing that mom and dad would listen to that.

2039
02:20:40.240 --> 02:20:46.640
And I would always really like, not, not appreciated, but I'll just use that word appreciated the

2040
02:20:46.640 --> 02:20:48.360
fact that they would, that they would do that.

2041
02:20:48.360 --> 02:20:51.840
And I just said, Brendan, I always thought that that was just, but thought so highly

2042
02:20:51.840 --> 02:21:00.840
of you that, that their response was evidence of your maturity in the Lord, that they would

2043
02:21:00.840 --> 02:21:03.920
recognize it and respond to it.

2044
02:21:03.920 --> 02:21:09.920
And I was just, and I, and so I've just really, really respected and admired how much, how

2045
02:21:09.920 --> 02:21:12.840
mature you are in the Lord and all of that.

2046
02:21:12.840 --> 02:21:19.840
Both he and Danielle said, Ashley, you do know that that's because he's a man, right?

2047
02:21:20.840 --> 02:21:26.840
And Brendan's like, yeah, actually it's like, I don't know, guys, I don't, I've never gotten

2048
02:21:26.840 --> 02:21:27.840
that impression.

2049
02:21:27.840 --> 02:21:29.840
It was cause he was the guy in the room.

2050
02:21:29.840 --> 02:21:35.840
So Danielle's looking at me like, oh honey, are you sure?

2051
02:21:35.840 --> 02:21:38.840
I don't think so.

2052
02:21:38.840 --> 02:21:43.840
Both of them, including my brother said, no, Ashley, it is.

2053
02:21:43.840 --> 02:21:45.840
It's why I was like, are you serious?

2054
02:21:45.840 --> 02:21:49.840
And they said, and I was like, yeah, but that's not how we were raised.

2055
02:21:49.840 --> 02:21:51.840
We were raised to believe any different.

2056
02:21:51.840 --> 02:21:54.840
And like, I know, but they probably don't know that that's what they're doing.

2057
02:21:54.840 --> 02:22:01.840
And that's just what they, it's just how they, it's just how they grew up.

2058
02:22:01.840 --> 02:22:08.840
They grew up, you know, intrinsically and subconsciously respecting what a man has to

2059
02:22:08.840 --> 02:22:14.840
say and a contribution and the leadership, so to speak, recognizing leadership, that

2060
02:22:14.840 --> 02:22:17.840
they could feel kind of, that they could feel safe following.

2061
02:22:17.840 --> 02:22:19.840
That's a good way to put it.

2062
02:22:19.840 --> 02:22:24.840
As opposed to even like spiritually following or like intellectually following other than

2063
02:22:24.840 --> 02:22:25.840
a woman.

2064
02:22:25.840 --> 02:22:27.840
I was like, are you guys sure?

2065
02:22:27.840 --> 02:22:29.840
They're like, yeah.

2066
02:22:29.840 --> 02:22:32.840
How did I miss this?

2067
02:22:32.840 --> 02:22:35.840
Maybe because they always talk very different.

2068
02:22:35.840 --> 02:22:41.840
And, and, you know, I've learned a case in point, this is a total side note, and I need

2069
02:22:41.840 --> 02:22:42.840
to let you go.

2070
02:22:42.840 --> 02:22:43.840
We've been chatting.

2071
02:22:43.840 --> 02:22:44.840
I'm fine.

2072
02:22:44.840 --> 02:22:46.840
It's always so fun connecting.

2073
02:22:46.840 --> 02:22:47.840
I know.

2074
02:22:47.840 --> 02:22:52.840
We just, but with the, the thing is that my, my mom, you know, is always saying things

2075
02:22:52.840 --> 02:22:57.840
like, she's like, well, actually it doesn't matter what people think.

2076
02:22:57.840 --> 02:23:00.840
You don't need to be worried about what other people think.

2077
02:23:00.840 --> 02:23:02.840
I'm like, mom, you were the poster child.

2078
02:23:02.840 --> 02:23:08.840
I didn't say that, but I'm like, because that's what they've always taught us.

2079
02:23:08.840 --> 02:23:11.840
It doesn't matter what other people think they've said it.

2080
02:23:11.840 --> 02:23:18.840
But everything else they've taught us is what matters is what people think.

2081
02:23:18.840 --> 02:23:19.840
Case in point.

2082
02:23:19.840 --> 02:23:24.840
I was, I was at church one day and this was like 12 years ago or something like that.

2083
02:23:24.840 --> 02:23:29.840
And I went and, and I lived alone, you know, and, you know, lived on my own and I don't

2084
02:23:29.840 --> 02:23:30.840
know how old I was at the time.

2085
02:23:30.840 --> 02:23:32.840
It was like mid twenties or something.

2086
02:23:32.840 --> 02:23:33.840
Anyway.

2087
02:23:33.840 --> 02:23:39.840
So I went to, after church, I went to my parents' house for, for Sunday lunch.

2088
02:23:39.840 --> 02:23:47.840
And I was telling mom, so I was slowly, even though it was like, I don't know, a decade

2089
02:23:47.840 --> 02:23:52.840
before I would learn about rest or anything, I was slowly starting to kind of open up because

2090
02:23:52.840 --> 02:23:56.840
I was in a church that offered me a safe place for relationship.

2091
02:23:56.840 --> 02:24:00.840
And so that was really starting to open up, you know, how it is, you know, we don't

2092
02:24:00.840 --> 02:24:04.840
always have the one big threshold, you know, that God gives us opportunities to grow and

2093
02:24:04.840 --> 02:24:05.840
open up slowly over time.

2094
02:24:06.840 --> 02:24:09.840
So anyway, I was, I was going through one of those phases where I was starting to feel

2095
02:24:09.840 --> 02:24:10.840
a little more free.

2096
02:24:10.840 --> 02:24:14.840
So I had taken, I told mom, I said, oh mom, great Sunday today.

2097
02:24:14.840 --> 02:24:16.840
And it was so much fun.

2098
02:24:16.840 --> 02:24:23.840
I was just, I was sitting there by myself and I just kind of, I, you know, I just, I

2099
02:24:23.840 --> 02:24:27.840
took my shoes off and I like tucked one of my feet up under me and, you know, and I'm

2100
02:24:27.840 --> 02:24:28.840
just sitting there.

2101
02:24:28.840 --> 02:24:29.840
I said, I just had a great time.

2102
02:24:29.840 --> 02:24:32.840
I just felt so relaxed in church today or whatever.

2103
02:24:32.840 --> 02:24:39.840
And she said, actually, did someone see you going, it doesn't matter, mom.

2104
02:24:39.840 --> 02:24:41.840
That's not the point of the story.

2105
02:24:41.840 --> 02:24:47.840
The story is not, did someone see me with my shoe off, but tucked up under me?

2106
02:24:47.840 --> 02:24:50.840
You know, the point is your daughter was happy.

2107
02:24:50.840 --> 02:24:54.840
I was feeling that free, but she's like, actually, did someone see you?

2108
02:24:54.840 --> 02:24:59.840
I'm like, this is why I didn't tell her this, but I'm thinking, this is why I don't

2109
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:04.240
attention when you try to encourage me to not worry about what other people think.

2110
02:25:08.400 --> 02:25:14.560
Because that's where you go is what do people think? Anyway, I just like, so my poor mom,

2111
02:25:14.560 --> 02:25:19.600
but you know how it is with everybody. I look at their parents and I watch how much they have

2112
02:25:19.600 --> 02:25:24.720
grown, how 100% of parents have grown from theirs. And I'm just like, you know what? That's what the

2113
02:25:24.720 --> 02:25:29.440
Lord gave to them and they were faithful. Yep. That's exactly what the Lord gave me another

2114
02:25:30.480 --> 02:25:36.240
floor to, you know, to raise a new ceiling, you know, gave me a floor to stand on their shoulders,

2115
02:25:36.240 --> 02:25:41.360
you know, raise the ceiling. They, they, not everything is given to everyone. It's like

2116
02:25:41.360 --> 02:25:46.160
every generation has their thing. Do you know who Sean Bowles is? Yeah. Yeah. So I remember

2117
02:25:46.160 --> 02:25:49.920
him saying something that set me free because he was talking about his parents and like growing up

2118
02:25:49.920 --> 02:25:53.600
in the culture of like, everything was super strict and we're boycotting this and we're

2119
02:25:53.600 --> 02:25:58.400
boycotting that and you know, all that stuff. But he said, it was just kind of a passing story,

2120
02:25:58.400 --> 02:26:02.800
but he said, look, my, my parents were first generation Christians and I know that they were

2121
02:26:02.800 --> 02:26:08.800
doing the best they could with what they had. Like it wasn't out of a, you know, they weren't

2122
02:26:08.800 --> 02:26:12.480
trying to abuse me. They weren't, it was just like, they were trying not to repeat. And that's

2123
02:26:12.480 --> 02:26:20.080
like, that was my parents' story too. Like my dad grew up, like where he was raised by, I mean,

2124
02:26:20.080 --> 02:26:23.840
his mom was great, but she was ended up being a single mom because his dad was like violently

2125
02:26:23.840 --> 02:26:28.720
abusive and they eventually were left that situation. Yeah. It had no context of God

2126
02:26:28.720 --> 02:26:35.600
whatsoever. Comes to Jesus through a Billy Graham book at the age of 22. I'm like a year old and

2127
02:26:35.600 --> 02:26:41.840
like life has radically transformed. So like, and you know, Bruce's dad, the same way, like they,

2128
02:26:42.560 --> 02:26:47.760
there's no religion traced back and like 14 years old, he was driving a motorcycle up and down

2129
02:26:47.760 --> 02:26:53.200
the steps of a church and this British pastor comes out and befriends him, eventually leading

2130
02:26:53.200 --> 02:26:57.680
him to Christ and becoming a spiritual dad. But like, you know, there's so much to honor is what

2131
02:26:57.680 --> 02:27:03.040
I'm saying. Yeah. Despite all of the, and it's a good reminder to have, but like, you know, we

2132
02:27:04.160 --> 02:27:10.240
were, we're carrying the torch. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and, and, and, you know, it was,

2133
02:27:10.240 --> 02:27:15.840
tonight was a great reminder because, you know, as we choose ourselves, it's like, we get to

2134
02:27:15.840 --> 02:27:20.960
actually be aware of like, what it is the Lord has this carrying and it doesn't have to be

2135
02:27:20.960 --> 02:27:27.360
attached to the unhealth and dysfunction of, we don't have to like accept it. We don't have to

2136
02:27:28.080 --> 02:27:37.840
carry it. Yeah. It's it's, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you. Sorry for each other. I am sorry. But

2137
02:27:37.840 --> 02:27:45.360
it's amazing. Like what you are carrying now, like out of that. And again, to be overcomers,

2138
02:27:45.360 --> 02:27:49.760
we have to overcome some things. So for you to have even have that context gives you,

2139
02:27:49.760 --> 02:27:54.800
makes you so much more powerful in this revelation that you carry because you had to overcome

2140
02:27:56.080 --> 02:28:02.160
that religious system. And I, I had to, and I hate to keep sounding like a broken record and

2141
02:28:02.160 --> 02:28:10.720
going back to this, but I had to make a choice to live and learn to live and step into my identity

2142
02:28:10.720 --> 02:28:17.600
as a son of God, or do I choose, you know, a lifestyle? Do I choose to, you know, trying to

2143
02:28:17.600 --> 02:28:23.440
keep the peace and make sure everything's okay and whatever. And I'm like, no, I'd rather this

2144
02:28:23.440 --> 02:28:30.240
and make mistakes and just have things just mess up with my relationships with other people,

2145
02:28:31.040 --> 02:28:38.080
while I'm just doing my best to learn and figure this thing out because everything I'm doing is

2146
02:28:38.080 --> 02:28:43.360
me trying to do this, you know, it's me trying to live from here. And so sometimes I might get it

2147
02:28:43.360 --> 02:28:48.080
right. And sometimes I might've misunderstood and then I, and then I don't get it right,

2148
02:28:48.080 --> 02:28:54.480
you know but I just had to make a choice. And so anyway, I try to tell for a long time,

2149
02:28:54.480 --> 02:28:59.200
I didn't tell stories about myself because I didn't want it to be about me. I didn't want

2150
02:28:59.200 --> 02:29:02.400
people to feel like they were come to me with their problems. And then I would just talk about

2151
02:29:02.400 --> 02:29:12.960
all my stories. But people kept telling me that they loved my stories. And finally I realized,

2152
02:29:12.960 --> 02:29:20.960
oh, okay. So they're actually making them, it makes them feel, it makes them not feel crazy

2153
02:29:20.960 --> 02:29:29.360
or alone. And it also helps gives validity to me speaking into their situation when I say,

2154
02:29:29.360 --> 02:29:34.000
paint a picture of like, this is what I lived through. This is the amount of pain that it felt

2155
02:29:34.000 --> 02:29:39.040
like, you know, and these are the, these are the obstacles. These were the attacks. These were the

2156
02:29:39.040 --> 02:29:45.120
contradictions. These were the whatever's. And so when I made a choice, I made it in this type

2157
02:29:45.120 --> 02:29:51.440
of a situation that was affecting me in this type of a way. And then I'm telling you that it worked,

2158
02:29:52.720 --> 02:29:57.200
you know, so that people understand, you know, I'm not just, I'm not like, oh, I'm so sorry that

2159
02:29:57.200 --> 02:29:59.760
you're going through that. Let me counsel you on a.

2160
02:30:00.000 --> 02:30:03.560
situation that I've never been in. And so you, you know, like,

2161
02:30:03.560 --> 02:30:08.040
oh, yeah, in theory, you know what the Bible says? And people

2162
02:30:08.040 --> 02:30:10.360
are just like, that all sounds great. But you know, I'm in a

2163
02:30:10.360 --> 02:30:13.560
lot of pain. And that doesn't feel like that's gonna work. And

2164
02:30:13.560 --> 02:30:20.360
I feel like you care about me, but I, I'm not confident in, you

2165
02:30:20.360 --> 02:30:26.440
know, in the, I don't know, the validity or of what it is that

2166
02:30:26.440 --> 02:30:30.160
you're speaking the strength and the power of what you're

2167
02:30:30.160 --> 02:30:34.480
talking about. It sure would be nice. But it just sounds like

2168
02:30:34.480 --> 02:30:37.520
the story of David and Goliath, it's hard to connect with. And I

2169
02:30:37.520 --> 02:30:41.600
think you're giving me theory, instead of something I can

2170
02:30:41.600 --> 02:30:46.240
actually stand on. But then when I show them, I was like, no, no,

2171
02:30:46.240 --> 02:30:48.720
I've actually lived this. And this is the situations I lived

2172
02:30:48.720 --> 02:30:53.280
it in. And I didn't have someone to tell me these things. I made

2173
02:30:53.280 --> 02:30:57.520
the hard choice, hoping I was right. Yeah, I didn't know. I

2174
02:30:57.520 --> 02:31:05.240
was making I was making professional career risks on the

2175
02:31:05.240 --> 02:31:11.080
fact that I thought God might have told me something. Yeah. I

2176
02:31:11.080 --> 02:31:13.640
mean, it wasn't even on like, Oh, I know God told me and then

2177
02:31:13.640 --> 02:31:18.160
I was willing to take the risk. No, I thought that maybe he

2178
02:31:18.160 --> 02:31:22.200
said that. And I would take the risk. And I think he honored

2179
02:31:22.200 --> 02:31:25.520
that simply from the fact that that the reason that I was

2180
02:31:25.520 --> 02:31:28.120
choosing it because it was because I thought I was choosing

2181
02:31:28.120 --> 02:31:32.200
him. Right? That's where she thinks I am. And that's why

2182
02:31:32.200 --> 02:31:35.000
she's choosing it. She's not choosing it to self protect. In

2183
02:31:35.000 --> 02:31:38.640
fact, she sacrificed herself protection to choose this

2184
02:31:39.080 --> 02:31:42.120
trusting that I was going to be there. Yeah, I'll show up

2185
02:31:42.360 --> 02:31:47.160
because I will show up according to how she she declares to me

2186
02:31:47.160 --> 02:31:52.600
that I'm allowed to interact with her to show up. So we honor

2187
02:31:52.600 --> 02:31:55.800
that. And so I appreciated that. So anyway, it's amazing. Yeah.

2188
02:31:58.200 --> 02:32:01.480
I hope that you'll be encouraged by the things that we talked

2189
02:32:01.480 --> 02:32:03.960
about today, because I know that some of them were were heavy.

2190
02:32:03.960 --> 02:32:06.800
And you were probably thinking of, man, that sounds really

2191
02:32:06.800 --> 02:32:09.640
hard to do in this situation. So I was hoping, I was like, I hope

2192
02:32:09.640 --> 02:32:14.640
that it it sounds like freedom as opposed to Okay, now I have

2193
02:32:14.640 --> 02:32:19.640
to go do something hard. No, there's a potential tornado, you

2194
02:32:19.640 --> 02:32:20.720
know, or something.

2195
02:32:20.840 --> 02:32:26.520
No, it's definitely clarifying. Absolutely. I feel very hopeful.

2196
02:32:26.560 --> 02:32:34.080
Like I really do. I'm like, I at no point did this feel heavy at

2197
02:32:34.080 --> 02:32:39.400
all. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to hearing I

2198
02:32:39.400 --> 02:32:41.480
mean, I know it's not for another couple of weeks, but I'm

2199
02:32:41.480 --> 02:32:44.480
looking forward to hearing how it goes. Yeah, yeah. I mean,

2200
02:32:44.480 --> 02:32:47.440
I mean, well, you go to your in-laws. I'll go to mine. I

2201
02:32:47.440 --> 02:32:47.880
know.

2202
02:32:50.480 --> 02:32:51.720
It's the wedding.

2203
02:32:52.280 --> 02:32:55.120
There were some issues. In fact, Ed and I were talking about it

2204
02:32:55.360 --> 02:32:58.640
this morning about about that. And I was honest with him for

2205
02:32:58.640 --> 02:33:01.920
the first time about how much those things.

2206
02:33:02.000 --> 02:33:05.640
I'm so proud of you. I know. I mean, how was it? How was it

2207
02:33:05.640 --> 02:33:06.400
received?

2208
02:33:07.120 --> 02:33:12.520
Oh, good, because that is one thing about Ed that he's very

2209
02:33:12.560 --> 02:33:16.960
strong in is to be able to see. I don't even know how to explain

2210
02:33:16.960 --> 02:33:26.160
it. But to be able to. I don't know. I don't know. Sorry. I

2211
02:33:26.160 --> 02:33:29.520
don't know how to explain it. But he's very good at just

2212
02:33:29.520 --> 02:33:34.480
listening to, you know, those types of things as being true.

2213
02:33:34.480 --> 02:33:37.280
And just like kind of like just disassociating from them and

2214
02:33:37.280 --> 02:33:39.520
just kind of like dealing with them was like, well, yeah, you

2215
02:33:39.520 --> 02:33:42.560
know, that's you're right. That's how it's what was going

2216
02:33:42.560 --> 02:33:47.880
on, etc. And, and, and I and one of the things that was very

2217
02:33:47.880 --> 02:33:53.000
honest with him about was the fact that I heard that I was

2218
02:33:53.000 --> 02:33:57.920
more hurt than I realized by his mother's actions. Because he was

2219
02:33:57.920 --> 02:34:01.760
talking about how he was frustrated with his mom at the

2220
02:34:01.760 --> 02:34:04.000
wedding, you know, because of stuff at the wedding, and this

2221
02:34:04.000 --> 02:34:07.880
was going to be our first time to see her at Thanksgiving. And

2222
02:34:08.960 --> 02:34:12.800
and he was anyway, but I and then I was honest with him about

2223
02:34:12.800 --> 02:34:16.600
the fact which you know, is hard when you're the in law. And

2224
02:34:16.600 --> 02:34:21.000
you're like, I don't want to say this. Yeah, about my husband's

2225
02:34:21.000 --> 02:34:23.920
family to my husband, you know, so you're just like, you don't

2226
02:34:23.920 --> 02:34:28.080
want to cause extra pain. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I was like,

2227
02:34:28.080 --> 02:34:31.520
Oh, Lord, but I was like, I but I remembered our conversation. I

2228
02:34:31.520 --> 02:34:34.880
thought if Lindsay can be brave, I can be brave. I thought

2229
02:34:34.880 --> 02:34:37.760
about you in this situation. I thought, okay, Lindsay did it, I

2230
02:34:37.760 --> 02:34:42.120
can do it. So I told I told him, I said, Well, to be on it, I

2231
02:34:42.120 --> 02:34:48.640
said, I haven't, I've come to realize that I've been more

2232
02:34:48.640 --> 02:34:53.200
hurt than I then, then I realized, you know, that I've

2233
02:34:53.200 --> 02:34:56.760
come to acknowledge it. And I said, to the point where I

2234
02:34:56.760 --> 02:34:59.880
haven't gotten over it, I hurt actually hurt really,

2235
02:35:00.000 --> 02:35:08.800
really bad. I said, because I said I was publicly rebuked by my future mother-in-law in front

2236
02:35:08.800 --> 02:35:18.400
of my parents, the entire wedding party, you know, you, your dad, and the pastor, I said,

2237
02:35:18.400 --> 02:35:22.400
and I'm the bride, everyone's looking to me to give them the directions. Cause I remember

2238
02:35:22.400 --> 02:35:26.240
I was the wedding coordinator. So I'm like telling everybody what to do. I wish I could

2239
02:35:26.800 --> 02:35:36.800
you, but everything has stopped. So everything is quiet. Yeah. She lays into me and I'm like,

2240
02:35:36.800 --> 02:35:42.720
oh my word. And I told him today, I said, I really struggled with the fact. And he said,

2241
02:35:42.720 --> 02:35:48.400
oh yeah. He said my dad and the, and the pastor had to physically restrain me from coming to help

2242
02:35:48.400 --> 02:35:55.120
you because they told me to not engage with it. They said, especially the spiritual, the pastor,

2243
02:35:55.120 --> 02:36:01.600
he said he, um, it was the spiritual thing that was going on. He said, do not engage with that.

2244
02:36:01.600 --> 02:36:06.480
It's your wedding. Don't don't mess with it. And so it's like, okay. And then his dad was

2245
02:36:06.480 --> 02:36:10.800
telling him the same thing, but his dad from experience with this mom, of course knew that,

2246
02:36:10.800 --> 02:36:16.080
Hey, you don't, it'll you going over there to defend Ashley and to stand up for her. He said,

2247
02:36:16.080 --> 02:36:22.960
it's going to make the problem worse. And so he's like, it'll, it'll go away. If you don't,

2248
02:36:22.960 --> 02:36:27.600
if you don't engage with it. And so it's like, Ashley, they literally had to physically restrain

2249
02:36:27.600 --> 02:36:31.440
me. And I said, well, I didn't tell him that. Well, I didn't know that, but he could figure

2250
02:36:31.440 --> 02:36:35.200
out that that's what I was saying. I said, I said, you know, I understand why they told them

2251
02:36:35.200 --> 02:36:40.720
that I said, why they told you that. Um, and I said, and I would agree. I said, but what I do

2252
02:36:40.720 --> 02:36:48.080
not understand is that emotionally I wanted protecting, and I don't understand why they

2253
02:36:48.080 --> 02:36:55.360
would give you that advice when I'm being publicly humiliated without protection and

2254
02:36:55.360 --> 02:37:00.320
no one stood up for me. I said, no, my parents didn't because they were trying to honor the

2255
02:37:00.320 --> 02:37:04.880
fact that that's my mother-in-law. And I said, I appreciated that because that wasn't their place.

2256
02:37:04.880 --> 02:37:10.080
And my mom, she, she like physically started to move forward and she, she stopped herself.

2257
02:37:10.080 --> 02:37:16.640
And I said, I was so glad that she did because this was not her place, but I had wanted him

2258
02:37:16.640 --> 02:37:22.560
to protect me because that his mom and my future husband. And so I told him, I said,

2259
02:37:23.440 --> 02:37:28.000
and that was apparently his, his gut reaction. And the guys both told him to not do it. And I

2260
02:37:28.000 --> 02:37:32.800
said, I don't understand why they would tell you to not do it because I felt unprotected.

2261
02:37:32.800 --> 02:37:37.200
Yeah. So anyway, so we talked through that. So that was good for both of us, you know,

2262
02:37:37.200 --> 02:37:41.680
to talk through. And I was so pleased that the Lord helped us through that conversation

2263
02:37:41.680 --> 02:37:47.120
that we could both be honest, but then know that I could hear from Ed, you know, that he

2264
02:37:47.120 --> 02:37:52.160
loved me and that he was there to, he was going to try to do something. And he actually did it for

2265
02:37:52.160 --> 02:37:58.320
some other thing that came up where I was, I was approached again with an issue with his mom.

2266
02:37:58.320 --> 02:38:04.560
And then I was rebuked for it. And someone came and found me in the kitchen and told me what for

2267
02:38:04.560 --> 02:38:12.320
and all of that. And, um, so he found out about that and then he went to both that person and his

2268
02:38:12.320 --> 02:38:18.320
mom and explained to them how that wasn't going to happen again. So, you know, he would protect

2269
02:38:18.320 --> 02:38:23.680
me, but anyways, but it was important that I actually say that and I confess it. So anyway,

2270
02:38:23.680 --> 02:38:29.280
so you and your, and your story about what it is that you've been going through gave me courage.

2271
02:38:29.280 --> 02:38:34.640
So I greatly appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad, and I want you to know, like it is,

2272
02:38:36.000 --> 02:38:39.520
you know, especially as you're going into like their territory for this holiday, like

2273
02:38:40.240 --> 02:38:47.680
verbalize to Ed that you need and want his covering. I hadn't thought about that. Because

2274
02:38:48.560 --> 02:38:53.360
I think, you know, I don't know Ed very well, but I know he's a man of honor and integrity. I think

2275
02:38:53.360 --> 02:38:59.360
he would really respond, respect that and be super attracted by that because what man wouldn't,

2276
02:38:59.360 --> 02:39:05.600
right? Cause it's, it's there, it's in them to be a protector and obviously their wife's covering.

2277
02:39:06.240 --> 02:39:15.520
So, um, when, when, but I, but when you're a really strong woman, sometimes it might not even

2278
02:39:15.520 --> 02:39:20.800
be communicated, but maybe felt like, oh, she doesn't need that or want that from me because

2279
02:39:20.800 --> 02:39:26.640
she can handle it. So I think it's very important from like a wife's point of view to just like

2280
02:39:26.640 --> 02:39:31.920
verbalize that to him. Like I want, and I need your covering. I need you to be on my side.

2281
02:39:32.560 --> 02:39:37.360
Yeah. I need you to take, I need you to have my back. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad that you told me that

2282
02:39:37.360 --> 02:39:41.600
because yeah, I, I hadn't thought about it and it would be good to talk about that, you know,

2283
02:39:41.600 --> 02:39:48.320
before we're actually in a situation, you know? And so, yeah. And then tuck into that as the woman,

2284
02:39:48.320 --> 02:39:55.200
like tuck into his covering and protection. Even if you feel like, oh, I can't handle this,

2285
02:39:55.200 --> 02:39:59.840
or I can, like I'm, I've had to learn that too. And I'm, am learning that actively with.

2286
02:40:00.000 --> 02:40:05.320
Bruce, like, I can't, I need to, I need to give into it, like,

2287
02:40:05.760 --> 02:40:10.920
be vulnerable to it and like, and, and submit to that

2288
02:40:10.920 --> 02:40:15.480
leadership. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As he steps out and

2289
02:40:15.480 --> 02:40:18.240
does that for me and protects me, even if it's not how I

2290
02:40:18.240 --> 02:40:20.800
would have done it. Yeah. And we can always talk about that

2291
02:40:20.800 --> 02:40:25.920
later. Like, hey, like, but in the moment, just tuck into that.

2292
02:40:26.280 --> 02:40:30.440
Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, I appreciate you telling me that

2293
02:40:30.440 --> 02:40:34.280
because I need to do that. And that would be very healthy. And

2294
02:40:34.280 --> 02:40:37.760
because otherwise, I kept finding myself in situations

2295
02:40:37.760 --> 02:40:43.480
where I didn't feel protected, but I didn't couldn't figure

2296
02:40:43.480 --> 02:40:47.160
out if he was just trying to honor and respect me in the way

2297
02:40:47.160 --> 02:40:52.480
that he knew how, or if he just felt like in his family, they

2298
02:40:52.480 --> 02:40:55.800
didn't do that kind of thing. You don't because it's

2299
02:40:55.800 --> 02:40:59.320
interfering, you know, between two other people or whatever.

2300
02:40:59.320 --> 02:41:01.880
And so anyway, I would just want him to know, you know, that,

2301
02:41:01.880 --> 02:41:04.800
hey, you know, I've, I've always looked forward to somebody who

2302
02:41:04.800 --> 02:41:08.600
would stand up for me where I didn't have to, like, be all by

2303
02:41:08.600 --> 02:41:11.760
myself kids growing up, I was, I just always felt, you know,

2304
02:41:11.800 --> 02:41:16.760
isolated. And, and actually, in literally every single

2305
02:41:16.760 --> 02:41:21.800
situation that I've ever been in, that I can remember, I have

2306
02:41:21.800 --> 02:41:24.720
not, oh, no, there's been one, my best friend's husband that I

2307
02:41:24.720 --> 02:41:28.280
worked for, he would come in and provide me a recovery and a

2308
02:41:28.280 --> 02:41:32.520
protection that I'd never was quite used to. I'm an

2309
02:41:32.520 --> 02:41:36.560
experienced. So that was that I really, that gave me kind of a

2310
02:41:36.560 --> 02:41:41.640
flavor for what, you know, for something that I could expect

2311
02:41:41.640 --> 02:41:46.120
and could enjoy. And so, and so anyway, and that would, that

2312
02:41:46.120 --> 02:41:48.240
would be a very helpful conversation for me to have with

2313
02:41:48.240 --> 02:41:50.800
them for it. So um, thank you. Thank you very much for

2314
02:41:50.800 --> 02:41:55.280
mentioning that. I'll have to do that. Yeah. Anyway, it's

2315
02:41:55.280 --> 02:41:59.960
gonna be great. It's gonna be really well, it'll really be

2316
02:41:59.960 --> 02:42:03.480
great. And yeah, it'll, it'll be really good. We were already

2317
02:42:03.480 --> 02:42:07.480
talking today about like, how we need to handle the week and you

2318
02:42:07.480 --> 02:42:10.280
know, that we're there and I was get I was very bright. I was

2319
02:42:10.280 --> 02:42:13.120
very excited. I also told them some things that I thought that

2320
02:42:13.120 --> 02:42:15.360
we got to create some boundaries with this family and some

2321
02:42:15.360 --> 02:42:20.000
expectations based off of past how they've acted in the past

2322
02:42:20.000 --> 02:42:23.200
that for me was a big deal. Because again, I haven't wanted

2323
02:42:23.200 --> 02:42:26.640
to say anything, you know, as if anything was wrong with this

2324
02:42:26.640 --> 02:42:31.480
family or whatever. But um, anyway, I was just basically

2325
02:42:31.480 --> 02:42:33.680
saying, you know, I don't believe that they're honoring

2326
02:42:33.720 --> 02:42:36.760
you and your time when you're down there. And I think that it

2327
02:42:36.760 --> 02:42:39.480
would be very healthy, not just for us, but for the whole

2328
02:42:39.480 --> 02:42:43.480
family, for us to be putting down certain for us to, you

2329
02:42:43.480 --> 02:42:47.000
know, own ourselves and to own our time, to invite them to be

2330
02:42:47.000 --> 02:42:51.320
part of things as opposed to us just being available for them

2331
02:42:51.320 --> 02:42:53.960
when they don't make themselves available. And we're the guests

2332
02:42:53.960 --> 02:42:57.840
down here, you know, whatever I said, you know, I think that

2333
02:42:57.840 --> 02:43:00.960
would be really important. And so he I think he started

2334
02:43:00.960 --> 02:43:03.480
thinking about all of that. So I was very grateful that the Lord

2335
02:43:03.480 --> 02:43:08.400
has given us that time. So anyway, yeah, we can just text

2336
02:43:08.400 --> 02:43:11.840
each other back and forth. That's right. Hang in there.

2337
02:43:12.200 --> 02:43:13.360
It's gonna be great.

2338
02:43:15.400 --> 02:43:18.360
Anyway, so all right. Well, I hope you have a really good

2339
02:43:18.360 --> 02:43:22.320
night, Lindsay, you too get some rest. And we'll obviously see

2340
02:43:22.320 --> 02:43:24.120
each other tomorrow night. But I'm looking forward to our

2341
02:43:24.120 --> 02:43:28.120
conversation on Friday. Yes, me too. I've got like, I didn't

2342
02:43:28.120 --> 02:43:30.760
know, at least three big things that I want to ask. I want to

2343
02:43:30.760 --> 02:43:33.440
ask you about. And one of them, you know, I mentioned in the

2344
02:43:33.440 --> 02:43:35.840
chat, and then and then one of them, I was just remembering

2345
02:43:35.840 --> 02:43:37.920
just now. And then the other one, I don't remember what it

2346
02:43:37.920 --> 02:43:40.160
is. But I'll remember it by Friday.

2347
02:43:40.400 --> 02:43:43.200
It'd be great. It's gonna be a great conversation. Yeah, I'm

2348
02:43:43.200 --> 02:43:46.160
looking forward to it. All right. Have a good night. You

2349
02:43:46.160 --> 02:43:47.440
too. Bye.