WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:13.520 Hey, Ed. Good to see you. Good to see you. Actually, I love your sweatshirt. I know this 2 00:00:13.520 --> 00:00:18.840 is, you know, their sweatshirt. Yeah. I don't think I told you so. She and I both have this 3 00:00:18.840 --> 00:00:23.480 shirt and then she and I both found the exact same sweater at TJ Maxx and we saw each other 4 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:28.280 on zoom and found out we had the same sweater. And there's something else we have. We have 5 00:00:28.280 --> 00:00:39.280 basically the same coat. Anyway, so basically we were separated at birth. Is that what happened? 6 00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:45.080 So how are you doing? I'm in some major train. I'm doing well. We're in some major transition. 7 00:00:45.080 --> 00:00:49.120 We just got an investment property in my hometown. I'm sitting in an empty room. So I know it's 8 00:00:49.120 --> 00:00:56.440 really echoey and basically been camping out. So yeah, I'm doing well, but it's a lot of 9 00:00:56.760 --> 00:01:02.440 things happening at once. I feel like there's a lot of sudden leaves, but things we've been 10 00:01:02.440 --> 00:01:05.519 waiting for, for a while, if that makes sense, it's just all happening at one time. 11 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:17.720 Yep. So I, so I'll be honest, I'm not exactly sure when, when Ashley talked about me ministering 12 00:01:17.720 --> 00:01:24.120 to folks, because I kind of have this varied background. I really didn't know what to expect, 13 00:01:24.440 --> 00:01:30.040 like I started with Christian healing ministries doing inner healing. And then, then I was in the 14 00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:34.360 prophetic and then it was more deliverance. And then it was like this smattering. And now I've 15 00:01:34.360 --> 00:01:41.560 just been doing lots and lots and lots of management and administration and a little 16 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:48.520 feeling a little rusty and stuff. But so, and especially I was joking with her, like, 17 00:01:49.400 --> 00:01:55.080 I'm going to use the term professional Christian. Okay. We all know what that means. So when you're 18 00:01:55.080 --> 00:01:58.680 ministering to professional Christians, I told her, I said, they can be the hardest ones to 19 00:01:58.680 --> 00:02:04.280 minister to because they know everything already, you know? So, you know, and she's like, well, 20 00:02:04.280 --> 00:02:08.360 what do you mean? And I was like, well, you know, like when you're ministering to people that 21 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:13.560 have been in this stuff for a while, they've, they know the answers, they know they're supposed to 22 00:02:13.560 --> 00:02:21.560 be doing, they can, it just can be difficult. And so, unless you feel like you have something 23 00:02:21.560 --> 00:02:27.480 specific that you feel like a surface in dealing with, I just was going to share with you some 24 00:02:27.480 --> 00:02:33.720 things that I felt like I spent some time today praying and asking the Lord about some stuff for 25 00:02:33.720 --> 00:02:39.240 you. And I just figured I would just kind of go for it. I don't know, like, I know that you and 26 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:49.160 Ashley are friends. I know that you have a very smart house. I know that you guys are graciously 27 00:02:49.800 --> 00:02:54.840 kind of pouring in and making real sources available to Ashley and that you guys were 28 00:02:54.840 --> 00:03:02.840 separated at birth. And it's your clothing choices. Other than that, I don't know anything 29 00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:08.600 about you. I don't know anything about you. I don't know your history. I know that you and 30 00:03:08.600 --> 00:03:12.520 Ashley have talked about things, but she's never shared with me any of those things. 31 00:03:12.520 --> 00:03:16.760 So I have no clue, right? So I'm going to just say, so I'm going to, I'm going to talk about 32 00:03:16.760 --> 00:03:21.960 some things and I have no idea what I'm talking about. Okay. But I'm just going to kind of talk 33 00:03:21.960 --> 00:03:30.280 about some of the things that I felt like where you are and some of the things that maybe God's 34 00:03:30.280 --> 00:03:37.400 wanting to do. And so I'm going to just say this, I'm a little, it's a little trepidation. This is 35 00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:45.000 normally what happens with me, because I feel like what I, what I'm getting doesn't match with 36 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:51.480 who I imagine you to be or where you are. Right. Because, you know, on the surface, from my 37 00:03:51.480 --> 00:03:56.760 perspective, you guys have everything, you know, going right. You have all the answers. You're 38 00:03:57.960 --> 00:04:02.360 not, you're, you're, you know, you're knocking it out of the park. You're, you're running, 39 00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:06.760 you're leading, you know, all that kind of stuff. Right. So when I started praying, 40 00:04:06.760 --> 00:04:11.320 I felt like the Lord was saying that you need kind of some, to have some, 41 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:22.200 you need some hope restored and that there is, and that he was wanting to restore some hope and 42 00:04:22.200 --> 00:04:30.520 install in a way, some trust or rebuild some trust. And, and I, the first thing I saw was, 43 00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:38.280 I saw you sitting in a floor by yourself. And I saw all of these mats or all these carpets, 44 00:04:39.480 --> 00:04:48.360 kind of like they, they, they looked like, I don't know, like these woven mats or carpets 45 00:04:48.360 --> 00:04:54.120 that are on the floor. And they were all over the place. And the word I heard was frayed edges. I 46 00:04:54.120 --> 00:04:59.720 saw all of these frayed edges. And I saw you with all of these pieces of all these things on the, 47 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.520 the floor and all you're pulling off are these frayed edges, these single threads, and you were 48 00:05:05.520 --> 00:05:12.320 in the floor prying. And the feeling I had when I looked at it was there was so much going on, 49 00:05:12.320 --> 00:05:18.400 there were so many things happening, and there were all of these pieces everywhere, that it was 50 00:05:18.400 --> 00:05:26.640 kind of overwhelming. It felt overwhelming and almost kind of like chaotic. And that 51 00:05:26.640 --> 00:05:34.640 the mats and stuff as I looked, I think they represent several things. I think it's relationships 52 00:05:35.440 --> 00:05:40.960 and it reminded me kind of, and you're going to see where I'm going, of kind of like the term 53 00:05:40.960 --> 00:05:48.320 you know mantles, right? They look like almost like for you, if I'm looking at this, 54 00:05:48.320 --> 00:05:53.920 it kind of represents a bit of your history and it looks to me like you've been connected to 55 00:05:54.720 --> 00:06:01.760 and kind of studied within and under all kinds of different, I don't want to say denominations, 56 00:06:01.760 --> 00:06:08.640 but I feel like there are all these different places to which you've studied. And I could see 57 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:16.400 as I looked, studied or mentored or whatever, and there were like these pieces, these chunks that 58 00:06:16.400 --> 00:06:24.000 had come out of each of these places, but not one of them was who you were. Not one of them 59 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:30.080 represented you, in a sense. And that there were these chunks that were being pulled off, but in 60 00:06:30.080 --> 00:06:37.600 the current season, all you seem to be getting were these frayed edges. And it's looking at it all 61 00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:44.320 kind of saying, how in the world does all of this fit together? It is like, how does this fit 62 00:06:44.320 --> 00:06:49.760 together? It is like overwhelming and you're doing all the right things, you've done all the 63 00:06:49.760 --> 00:06:54.800 stuff that you've done, and you seem to be just pulling away frayed edges. And the frayed edges, 64 00:06:54.800 --> 00:07:02.720 I think, is, if I'm just being honest, I think partially you. I think you maybe in this season 65 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:09.520 feel a little frayed, a little tired. I don't want to use the word burned out, right? But let's just 66 00:07:09.520 --> 00:07:14.880 be real, you know, in the ministry context, it's probably, I know you guys are friends, thank God, 67 00:07:16.080 --> 00:07:21.040 right? But if you weren't, her sitting here would be kind of hard, because that mentor, 68 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:28.240 mentee place, you always have to be strong and have the answers. You're not allowed to be human, 69 00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:36.160 right? And I feel that there's an aspect of you that in this season is a little tired, 70 00:07:36.800 --> 00:07:41.360 a little frayed, a little worn. And I think it also represents 71 00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:51.840 relationships, that there are some relationships either currently or in the past have been frayed. 72 00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:57.600 And there's one in particular that's prominent that looks like it's damaged, like the corner 73 00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:04.640 of this rug, whatever it is, looks like it's damaged and not even sure if it can kind of be 74 00:08:04.640 --> 00:08:11.120 repaired in a way. And it seems to be really prominent. And what I feel the redemptive part 75 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:19.360 in all of this that I mentioned is there was a time in my life where somebody was looking at me 76 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:25.520 and they were saying, Ed, you know, everybody always wants to know, like, what's their anointing? 77 00:08:26.320 --> 00:08:31.120 Or people talk about this whole thing of mantles and stuff. And they said, you know, I see the 78 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:38.000 Lord is pulling this like this, looks like a patchwork quilt. And it's like the Lord is creating 79 00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:45.920 a custom made mantle for you. And I feel that's what's happening with you. I feel like there are 80 00:08:45.920 --> 00:08:49.680 these frayed edges, these single threads that you're feeling like you're pulling and all you're 81 00:08:49.680 --> 00:08:56.400 getting from these things, these threads from this season are going to be what the Lord used powerfully 82 00:08:56.400 --> 00:09:03.120 to be able to pull all these pieces together. The other thing I see in line with this is it's like 83 00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:05.520 it's like 84 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:17.360 it's like you're really good at a lot of different stuff. Right. And when I and for people that are 85 00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:23.040 good at a lot of things, it can be really hard for them to know what they're really supposed to 86 00:09:23.040 --> 00:09:29.280 what they're really good at. If you can do a lot of things, there's left this question hanging. 87 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:36.800 But what am I really good at? What's my calling? What is who am I like in this thing? Like, so what 88 00:09:36.800 --> 00:09:44.320 I can do all of these things. There's still this core thing of like, oh, I almost I'm not saying 89 00:09:44.320 --> 00:09:49.280 that you think this, but like, I wish I was one of those people like I have a guy that I knew 90 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:55.040 in from the time I was in eighth grade and from eighth grade, he knew 91 00:09:55.040 --> 00:09:59.840 he wanted to be an accountant. And I thought to myself, why? 92 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.000 That sounds terrible. 93 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:18.000 Like, why wouldn't you want to be something else and all he wanted to be was an accountant, and he knew he had his life mapped out, and now he's the CFO of Under Armour, right, like, Oh, and I thought, Oh, how limiting. 94 00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:23.000 And then as I went through life I was like you know what, I kind of wish I had more of the head. 95 00:10:23.000 --> 00:10:29.000 There was this one thing that I was good at this one thing that was like my thing. 96 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:31.000 But what's your thing. 97 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:35.000 You know, and I feel like you've got a lot of things going on. 98 00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:46.000 But there's this over reaching thing of like when you're good at a lot of stuff. What is the one thing 99 00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:50.000 No, it's mine, it's connected to the computer. 100 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:54.000 Sorry, I don't know how to silence it. 101 00:10:54.000 --> 00:11:07.000 But I feel that there's, and I, and it's kind of like I don't know your husband at all but it was kind of, I almost started laughing because I felt like I was looking at him through your perspective, and he looked like it was like there's this box, you know, and 102 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:22.000 everything was nice and neat. And he was good at a lot of stuff was a big expanded box but everything kind of fit, you know, and was exact and he kind of like his life seems simple and he knew, like kind of who he was and everything, and that the feeling 103 00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:30.000 I was receiving is that that's not how you. That's not how you feel about you, and who you are and how you're made up. 104 00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:34.000 And so 105 00:11:34.000 --> 00:11:38.000 I feel that in this season. 106 00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:47.000 There's a, there's a level of being a restoration getting ready to be released into your life. 107 00:11:47.000 --> 00:11:52.000 And what I mean is, 108 00:11:53.000 --> 00:12:01.000 you know I've been there. It's like when you've heard when you've helped a lot of people. 109 00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:06.000 There's an aspect of just feeling really alone. 110 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:17.000 And I think in this season, with all that you've done, and all the report out and all that you've helped. It's a lonely season. 111 00:12:17.000 --> 00:12:22.000 And, and I feel that that time. 112 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:34.000 You know, I mean, that time of being a desert we all know it's, you know, in that Christian realm of, that's the time of intimacy that's the time when we go deep with God and that's really true, but it also sucks. 113 00:12:34.000 --> 00:12:37.000 You know, this doesn't feel good at all. 114 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:42.000 But if I'm not mistaken. 115 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:44.000 I see. 116 00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:48.000 There's like almost like relational pressure in your life. 117 00:12:48.000 --> 00:13:00.000 I see that there are things in your current life and even in your, in your history, where there are certain relational elements that are in pressure are starting to surface. 118 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:05.000 And it looks like 119 00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:11.000 it looks like 120 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:18.000 the way it would feel would be like I don't understand why is all this happening now and why is all this stuff from the past coming up. 121 00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:27.000 It's like there's a, you know, when I think I thought I dealt with all this stuff already. You know, I thought I dealt with it I thought I put this stuff to rest. 122 00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:44.000 And there's even a place where elements of your childhood are being highlighted in a way that they haven't before and it's causing you to look differently upon your life, and even some of the relationships of your life. 123 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:50.000 And some things that happened to you when you were a child. 124 00:13:50.000 --> 00:14:04.000 But I feel like God's going to start to, he's going to reclaim this that it's for purpose that he's going to come and he's going to redeem it's like he's going to paint with a paintbrush over your life to give you a different perspective in the bring strength. 125 00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:20.000 So I see that in this season, these elements that seem to have been frayed these, these places where you've, it's kind of like you've, you've, you've been on this road, like I would say like the way I described kind of my life a little bit is like, it's like 126 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:30.000 you've been on these rotational assignments. You've done all of this different stuff in ministry you have all of these different things you've done and they're all kind of scattered about about. 127 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:39.000 And it's like until what, and I feel that this season what's going to come out of it is that these pieces are going to start coming together. 128 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:54.000 And some of it's going to come, even relationships, some of which are going to be cut away. Some of which are going to be redeemed and restored, and that out of this season, where it seems, in a sense meager is going to actually be very rich. 129 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:59.000 I don't know exactly I mean I took some notes here. 130 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.480 But I and I'm just going to stick it out there. 131 00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:07.880 OK, like I'm going to. I welcome it. I welcome it. 132 00:15:09.040 --> 00:15:11.680 It's like it's like I see you. 133 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:14.080 I see you as a little girl. 134 00:15:14.080 --> 00:15:16.560 And it's like I see your hand getting slapped. 135 00:15:17.720 --> 00:15:20.560 Almost kind of like as a kid, when you when you reach for the cookie 136 00:15:20.560 --> 00:15:24.160 jar and you get your hand slapped, I feel that there. 137 00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:28.560 Please forgive me if this is not. 138 00:15:30.560 --> 00:15:34.240 I feel like there's an element of punishment, in a sense, 139 00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:37.080 from some aspect of your early life 140 00:15:37.640 --> 00:15:40.560 that God is wanting to deal and to redeem and to heal, 141 00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:45.600 because it's going to impact how you see the future and how you 142 00:15:47.280 --> 00:15:49.600 engage in what he wants to bring you. 143 00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:54.200 It's going to kind of it's it it it impacts your how you see him 144 00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:55.600 and how you relate to him. 145 00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:57.960 And that is really important in this season 146 00:15:58.160 --> 00:15:59.160 because he wants those things 147 00:15:59.160 --> 00:16:01.760 to change for you to be able to engage in a new way 148 00:16:01.960 --> 00:16:04.200 into the things that he wants to bring into your life 149 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:08.120 because you're a leader and a pioneer and he wants you to replicate 150 00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:11.040 things that he wants to be done on Earth. 151 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:13.800 And he's going to start and do those things in you first. 152 00:16:14.760 --> 00:16:16.960 And I wrote down. 153 00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:22.320 So it's like I had this phrase like I see that you're walking down 154 00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:25.000 memory lane. And. 155 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:29.560 And I see that there's a time of reflection. 156 00:16:30.680 --> 00:16:32.800 That he's wanting to come and visit with you 157 00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:36.360 so that your current life doesn't reflect your past. 158 00:16:39.680 --> 00:16:42.960 And especially I'm just going to like, I don't know you, 159 00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:45.920 I don't know your parents, I don't know why I keep feeling like I got to apologize, 160 00:16:45.920 --> 00:16:50.600 but like I'm sure your parents were amazing people 161 00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:52.520 and they are probably amazing people. 162 00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:57.200 But all of them fall short to some extent. 163 00:16:57.640 --> 00:17:00.160 And I feel that. 164 00:17:02.120 --> 00:17:04.280 There's some work. 165 00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:08.520 In healing there from some things that you inherited, maybe even 166 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:13.680 or you took out of that time in your life that God is highlighting in this season 167 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:16.560 and he wants to deal with. 168 00:17:16.560 --> 00:17:18.359 And I think he wants to bring healing. 169 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:21.480 And I think it's probably going to create a little bit of friction 170 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:24.760 if there's not already in that area of your life. 171 00:17:25.319 --> 00:17:27.800 But what's going to come out of it is going to be it from. 172 00:17:27.800 --> 00:17:30.000 It's going to be like a new lease on life 173 00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:32.200 in a new place of relationship with your parents. 174 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:37.080 And I'm thinking now as I'm saying this, it's like, you know. 175 00:17:38.720 --> 00:17:41.320 You know, it says a prophet's not without honor, except for, 176 00:17:41.600 --> 00:17:44.760 you know, at his hometown and his family. 177 00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:49.360 And that no one's known 178 00:17:49.360 --> 00:17:52.640 has a longer lasting preconceived idea 179 00:17:53.320 --> 00:17:55.320 of who we are than our parents. 180 00:17:56.720 --> 00:17:59.200 And you're not who you used to be. 181 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:01.920 And you're not who they think you are. 182 00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:05.360 And that there's an aspect of that separation that's painful. 183 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:09.640 But I think that there's a reengaging in a healthy new way. 184 00:18:09.880 --> 00:18:13.840 There's a new record that's being established, including it 185 00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:16.600 for no other reason than he's wanting to build a new record 186 00:18:16.840 --> 00:18:19.280 of what families to look like as you're building your own. 187 00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:25.080 And I think I believe that 188 00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:28.240 that God is wanting to come and visit 189 00:18:28.760 --> 00:18:31.280 some of the painful things of your past. 190 00:18:31.280 --> 00:18:33.960 And I wrote down something about seven or eight. 191 00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:37.400 I feel like there was something to happen when you were about seven 192 00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:40.440 or eight years old as one thing, for instance. 193 00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:43.280 And I feel like that was formative 194 00:18:43.880 --> 00:18:46.920 that that impacted you in some way. 195 00:18:47.520 --> 00:18:50.000 And it's like a trauma. 196 00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:52.360 And I'm not saying that, 197 00:18:52.360 --> 00:18:55.240 you know, when people when we talk about people's childhood, childhoods 198 00:18:55.240 --> 00:18:58.280 and you say there was some type of trauma, people always assume 199 00:18:58.680 --> 00:19:01.840 that it was some form of abuse or whatever the case is. Right. 200 00:19:01.840 --> 00:19:05.840 And I'm not making any assumptions, but I feel that something formative 201 00:19:05.840 --> 00:19:08.120 happened to you when you were like seven or eight years old. 202 00:19:10.520 --> 00:19:13.160 And I feel like it's been like a thorn in your flesh in a bit. 203 00:19:13.640 --> 00:19:16.880 Yeah, it stayed with you. 204 00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:20.000 And I believe that God is wanting to deal with these things 205 00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:22.120 because you're not supposed to just walk around 206 00:19:22.800 --> 00:19:25.640 with these festering things in your life. 207 00:19:25.640 --> 00:19:27.800 And I believe that he's going to take like a paintbrush 208 00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:31.040 and he's going to reclaim your history. 209 00:19:32.680 --> 00:19:35.760 He's willing to come back with you into your history, 210 00:19:36.080 --> 00:19:38.600 not to get not to be stuck in it. 211 00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:43.240 But to liberate you in a sense so that that is no longer 212 00:19:43.240 --> 00:19:45.400 part of the imprint of your current life. 213 00:19:45.400 --> 00:19:48.320 It's good. And. 214 00:19:51.480 --> 00:20:00.000 I know. I think that God is wanting to give you. 215 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:11.000 a new perspective, not just on life, not just on yourself, but of your past, to make peace in a sense. 216 00:20:11.000 --> 00:20:21.000 And I believe there's also, even in recent time, some betrayal that's happened in your life that's been very hurtful. 217 00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:26.000 And it'll make you really gun shy. 218 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:33.000 And I think God's also wanting to come and touch this place. 219 00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:39.000 You know, it's a little like, I think it was Peter's, you know, that was like, Lord, how many times do we have to forgive? 220 00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:42.000 He's like 70 times seven. 221 00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:46.000 But the problem becomes what I call like yo-yo forgiveness. 222 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:51.000 You know, it's like, you forgive and it comes back, you forgive and it comes back. 223 00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:58.000 There's this place of, it's like, you can't seem to get past it in a way. 224 00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:02.000 But I feel like the Lord's really going to put a stamp in this season. 225 00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:04.000 And I think it's been really frustrating. 226 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:09.000 My feeling for you is like, I once wanted to cry. 227 00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:10.000 That's what I wanted to do. 228 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:12.000 I wanted to cry. 229 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:20.000 You know, I just saw this little girl in you today and all of the pieces and everything sitting on the floor. 230 00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:25.000 And you can't stop. 231 00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:33.000 But God, this is going to be a tremendous, tremendous season for you. 232 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:36.000 It's going to tie in so many loose ends. 233 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:49.000 And I just, I think that you're going to be, it's actually going to turn out to be a building season. 234 00:21:49.000 --> 00:21:58.000 And I saw one sense, it was like, I saw, it reminded me kind of like Santa's workshop, but instead of elves, they were angels. 235 00:21:58.000 --> 00:22:03.000 And that this custom-made thing that he's doing, that he really knows what he's doing. 236 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:06.000 And all of this stuff is going to come together. 237 00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:09.000 And that these frayed edges are going to come to something. 238 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:15.000 And you seem to only be pulling threads, but those threads in this season are going to be the things that are going to sew all of this stuff together. 239 00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.000 And that he's going to bring healing to some things, and it's going to be okay. 240 00:22:19.000 --> 00:22:21.000 You know? 241 00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:25.000 And your emotions are your emotions. 242 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:28.000 And sometimes we try to manage them. 243 00:22:29.000 --> 00:22:35.000 But it's okay, it's okay to get pissed off. 244 00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:37.000 It's okay to get mad. 245 00:22:37.000 --> 00:22:38.000 You know? 246 00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:40.000 And because you're not going to stay there. 247 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:47.000 There's like, I feel like there's repressed, almost repressed emotion inside of you that has found no voice. 248 00:22:47.000 --> 00:22:49.000 And it's been festering in there. 249 00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:52.000 And that it's like it's coming to a head. 250 00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:56.000 I feel like God is going to really strengthen through these things. 251 00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:10.000 So that these things aren't part of the equation anymore of your decision-making, or how you feel, or what you do, or all of the thoughts that you are plagued with on a regular basis that you have to fight. 252 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:16.000 I feel like there's a battle in your mind that you have to fight in victory, okay? 253 00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:20.000 On a regular basis that nobody knows about. 254 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:25.000 And I'm going to make this personal to me. 255 00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:30.000 If that were me, it would make me at times feel like a fraud. 256 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:32.000 I'm not a fraud, right? 257 00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:34.000 But I'm telling everybody all of this stuff. 258 00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:36.000 I'm standing in front of them. 259 00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:37.000 I'm coaching them. 260 00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:38.000 I'm giving them advice. 261 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:39.000 I'm doing all this kind of stuff. 262 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:46.000 God help me if they knew the thoughts that I had this morning. 263 00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:50.000 Or that I didn't sleep last night, or whatever the case is. 264 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:56.000 And I really feel that a lot is going to be dealt with. 265 00:23:56.000 --> 00:24:15.000 So, some other things that I felt is that you don't, that you haven't fit anywhere. 266 00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:18.000 Again, it goes to that unique place of calling. 267 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:19.000 And I see you again. 268 00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:25.000 You've parked yourself at many watering holes, but you've never fit. 269 00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:28.000 It felt like you could be there. 270 00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:29.000 You could get along. 271 00:24:29.000 --> 00:24:31.000 You could even thrive. 272 00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:34.000 But it's almost like an act of will. 273 00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:42.000 There wasn't a place that you hit that was like, this is my tribe. 274 00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:43.000 This is my spot. 275 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:55.000 And I saw one of the first things I saw was you along that image of you always. 276 00:24:55.000 --> 00:25:00.000 I don't know how to describe how I see stuff but when you were on the floor and all of that I saw it like you're. 277 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.640 life and all of these things were going on and you had all this stuff figured out, but there was this 278 00:25:07.760 --> 00:25:15.120 like golden jar or like it looked like a graphic for like by the time on a PowerPoint side that 279 00:25:15.120 --> 00:25:20.880 it was up here on the left corner and it was gold and in it was a growing number of question marks 280 00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:29.120 and these question marks were your questions that I don't know all the people that you're 281 00:25:29.120 --> 00:25:35.520 connected to right with but it was like you're pulling all these things from people you're 282 00:25:35.520 --> 00:25:39.760 learning all these things like from all these I don't know various mentors and people like 283 00:25:39.760 --> 00:25:44.720 I know like all I know is that you have some type of friendship like with Graham Cook for instance 284 00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:49.360 who for some reason I seem to be quoting quite a bit lately I don't know why which is kind of like 285 00:25:49.360 --> 00:25:56.240 bizarre but uh but like Graham Cook but as you're doing these things you're collecting questions 286 00:25:57.040 --> 00:26:01.440 things that you don't you can't personally reconcile things that you don't understand 287 00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:06.480 things that you may not agree with you agree with all of this this sounds good 288 00:26:07.120 --> 00:26:14.000 but this stuff like you're like I don't know about this stuff so you can't like wholly bite or or 289 00:26:16.560 --> 00:26:21.280 digest grab hold of everything that you're getting every all this stuff you're getting 290 00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:27.920 and the that bag of questions is getting weighty and is getting full and I see that there's this 291 00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:34.880 fullness of question that all these things and and I see as a result that you have a high you 292 00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:39.200 have two things that I see that amongst other things but two things that you have a high value 293 00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:46.640 for and one is truth another one's relationship and I see right now you're in a lot of strain 294 00:26:47.280 --> 00:26:51.360 of relationship and you have a lot of questions that you want the answers to 295 00:26:51.360 --> 00:26:57.040 because truth is of high value to you especially with what you're getting what you're going to build 296 00:26:58.080 --> 00:27:04.800 and so I saw there's going to be resolving there are things that will be resolved 297 00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:08.240 things to be redeemed and there are things to be restored 298 00:27:10.560 --> 00:27:15.200 and and I think that this is a time where God's going to answer a lot of questions 299 00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:23.120 and it's almost like you've continued by almost sheer willpower and by faith 300 00:27:23.120 --> 00:27:25.360 to walk forward even with your questions 301 00:27:27.840 --> 00:27:33.200 that when many people would have sat in the question and not moved and not done and not 302 00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:40.240 gone forward you went forward anyway and I feel like you've touched God's heart because you've 303 00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:54.800 been so faithful to do what he said even with questions you've honored people 304 00:27:56.080 --> 00:28:02.960 that maybe didn't deserve it you have kept your mouth shut when 305 00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:11.440 everything in you it would have just felt so good you know to not you know it's like it would have 306 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:16.560 it's like everything in the screen and you wanting to it was like to battle to fight for yourself 307 00:28:16.560 --> 00:28:23.520 wanting to be it's like there's like certain levels of injustice to be validated or and you've 308 00:28:23.520 --> 00:28:28.240 hidden matters not not concealed them but you've kept matters hidden that you could have made 309 00:28:28.560 --> 00:28:33.440 matters hidden that you could have made matters public in a way and this thing has left you with 310 00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:39.520 all of these questions and I feel that because of how you've weathered these things and their 311 00:28:39.520 --> 00:28:45.200 history in God that there's been a lot of these questions are going to start to be answered and 312 00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:50.160 these things are going to start to be reconciled including the fact that it's okay that they don't 313 00:28:50.240 --> 00:29:02.400 have all the answers but I believe that you you and your husband are one of those ones 314 00:29:03.120 --> 00:29:08.720 the reason that you don't fit the reason that these questions you have all these questions 315 00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:14.720 is because we'll just be kind and say these models are incomplete 316 00:29:15.280 --> 00:29:21.440 when God is wanting to do something new that these questions that you have are questions that 317 00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:27.760 God has on his heart that there's a kinship that you have God's heart of who you know him to be 318 00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:33.280 of of things and that there are things that just don't sit well with you it's not that they're 319 00:29:33.280 --> 00:29:39.360 wrong but they just personally don't sit right with you it's like your gut like there's something 320 00:29:40.080 --> 00:29:48.080 in your gut that goes like man I just I just don't know and and but you haven't thrown the 321 00:29:48.080 --> 00:29:53.200 baby out with the bath water and rejected it all somehow you know it's like you eat the meat and 322 00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:58.400 spit out the bones as people say but I feel that there's a new there's a place where you're called 323 00:29:58.400 --> 00:29:59.440 to create something 324 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.040 new. There's a new blueprint, there's a new thing in which God is wanting to do. 325 00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:11.280 And most likely, a single thing is not going to be what comes out of you. 326 00:30:12.560 --> 00:30:17.760 I think there are too many different facets. It's almost like you are a corporation 327 00:30:18.560 --> 00:30:24.000 with multiple companies within you. Right? And there's been a metamorphic 328 00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:32.000 kind of development process of you and the two of you together that is solidifying, growing, 329 00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:39.120 and drawing things together until they have like a cohesiveness. Because there's a certain 330 00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:45.520 disjointedness to some of the things I think that you carry, and maybe probably both of you carry. 331 00:30:46.320 --> 00:30:53.440 And it's, I think like, for instance, like a big part of how that could be, how that could manifest 332 00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:59.840 would be how you guys have paired business and ministry together, as an example. These two 333 00:30:59.840 --> 00:31:05.840 things that seem disparate, they seem separate, but you're bringing them together. And I think 334 00:31:05.840 --> 00:31:11.520 that everybody talks about the new thing. Everybody's talking, there's a new thing coming, 335 00:31:11.520 --> 00:31:16.560 there's a new thing coming. What is it? I don't know. This isn't it. Well, what is it? I don't 336 00:31:16.560 --> 00:31:21.040 know. When's it coming? I don't know, but it's coming. There's a new thing coming. Right? But 337 00:31:21.040 --> 00:31:26.960 we keep doing the same things over and over again, hoping for a different result. But I think that 338 00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:33.280 God is saying, no, behold, I am going to do a new thing. But I'm going to use people to do it. 339 00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:37.600 And I believe that all of this process, all the stuff that you've been through, 340 00:31:37.600 --> 00:31:44.000 all of these wading through, including, as has been said, David learned as much about 341 00:31:44.560 --> 00:31:48.640 being a king by learning what not to do under King Saul. 342 00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:57.920 Even in that, redemption of your life is going to be redeeming into a place of what not to do, 343 00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:02.560 to know what it is that you are to do. And I feel like there is a place where you're going to be 344 00:32:03.360 --> 00:32:08.960 in birthing a lot of things. But part of it is the new thing that has not been seen yet. 345 00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:14.800 And all of the stuff you've got, plus things from the spirit, 346 00:32:14.800 --> 00:32:19.040 they're going to come and build something new to be replicated. 347 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:28.400 And I was like, I wrote this down. It's like I saw this, again, forgive me, because I don't know 348 00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:37.040 you or your husband at all. And I saw that box that represented your husband. And it's not that 349 00:32:37.040 --> 00:32:45.040 he's square. It was like everything seems to fit and organize and nothing went outside the lines. 350 00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:52.320 And it was very sleek and whatever, versus you're the coat of many colors. 351 00:32:53.280 --> 00:32:59.760 Like there's this patchwork nature to kind of your development and who you are that leaves a 352 00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:04.880 question about how in the world is all this going to fit together. So I see that you've had a lot 353 00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:10.240 of relational favor in your life. And I see a lot of relational equity coming out of even some of 354 00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:14.960 the most painful things. I think this is a tremendous time of redemption for your life. 355 00:33:15.520 --> 00:33:20.080 I think he's going to redeem a lot of things. I think, including there's going to be almost 356 00:33:20.080 --> 00:33:26.960 like some court battles, like there's some things to be settled in a judicious way where 357 00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:34.160 God is going to rule over some matters that he's allowed to prolong to do some things in you 358 00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:39.600 that could never have been done. And it's almost like an accelerator 359 00:33:39.600 --> 00:33:43.520 that the delay of these things, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not, 360 00:33:43.520 --> 00:33:48.640 it's not even that it's an actual legal thing. I'm just saying that's the euphemism I have, 361 00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:55.600 that there's almost like a legal thing that has been prolonged that without it being prolonged, 362 00:33:55.600 --> 00:34:04.960 it would have taken you years to have developed in God what's going to come out of it. 363 00:34:05.600 --> 00:34:13.280 And I feel like there's a ruling that is being made. Think of it as like Daniel that asked for 364 00:34:13.280 --> 00:34:18.960 things and it was like, you know, Daniel will release it. You know, I've been battling the 365 00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:26.239 Prince of Persia, you know, it hasn't arrived to you yet, but the ruling has been made. And I feel 366 00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:32.560 like there are rulings that have been made over your life that have yet to arrive, but it's like 367 00:34:32.560 --> 00:34:37.840 your accounts are going to be settled. And I feel that there's going to be a settling in you, 368 00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:46.320 a settling of your past, a reconciling within you, relationally, and all of that shifting in you 369 00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:51.600 is going to shift everything around you. It's like this thing that God is doing in you 370 00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:55.920 is so important that it's going to impact everything around you. 371 00:34:57.120 --> 00:34:59.600 Versus him fixing everything around you. 372 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:10.000 And you kind of bump in your head against the wall, I feel like this is a really formative time, you know in your life. And 373 00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:24.000 the last two things I have are one I don't understand at all. I'm just going to tell you, but it's like I saw, I really didn't understand what this is all I saw these five dots. 374 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:43.000 These five dots made like a triangle, kind of like I don't, I don't know if this makes any sense but there was this triangle here right, and I saw a dot, two dots, and two dots, five dots, and all these things connected. 375 00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:49.000 And I kept looking at this thing and I was like God, I don't, I just don't understand. 376 00:35:49.000 --> 00:36:02.000 I mean, why are there five dots, how to five dots make a triangle, like, that doesn't make any sense to me at all, like, wouldn't it be like one dot and two dots and three dots and that makes six dots like none of those like there are five dots, 377 00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:10.000 and I feel that it's my sense is that the longest one is the foundation on the bottom. 378 00:36:11.000 --> 00:36:13.000 points. 379 00:36:13.000 --> 00:36:19.000 I think there's probably are a couple of things in the foundational place their endpoints in your life. 380 00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:35.000 But I think it also can represent in this case, like you and your husband, that there is two separate things that are joined together, that there's a deep long, and there was I think it's also a part of history it's a long development process of 381 00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:37.000 laying a foundation. 382 00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:42.000 And these things. Once they come together, there's an elevation. 383 00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:47.000 There's still these two independent pieces that are connected they're closer together than they used to be. 384 00:36:47.000 --> 00:36:50.000 They're still not 100%. Right. 385 00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:53.000 But they're based on this really strong foundation. 386 00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:57.000 They're still separate, they're closer together, they're connected. 387 00:36:57.000 --> 00:37:13.000 And I think that everything under that in that stage of development falls within it, kind of, again, I'm thinking like think corporation, think, think, whatever the case is, but eventually these two things come they join together towards one thing. 388 00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:25.000 It's not the one thing, but it's this journey towards this merging and I think that's the birthing of something, but under it is still everything that you've already built. 389 00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:28.000 Not like these things that you've built are going to go away. 390 00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:40.000 I think that there's a development of process where these things are growing closer and closer together. Everything that you've built is underneath it, everything is on a strong foundation that this thing, whatever it is that these things are coming together 391 00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:57.000 and resting upon all of these other things. And that triangle, a pyramid is one of the most stable strong structures on earth in creation, like a three sided chair will never wobble. 392 00:37:57.000 --> 00:38:14.000 The four legged chair business that we do is like engineers hate it, because it'll always wobble they have to be just right or it wobbles. I feel like there is really hope for you to know that God really has a plan and he knows what he's doing, and it really 393 00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:18.000 is all going to come together, and that it's not going to shake. 394 00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:30.000 This thing is not going to shake all the shaking is happening now, and has happened, and the foundation is is settled, you know like they say in a house you live in an old house. 395 00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:32.000 Right. Yeah. 396 00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:33.000 Right. 397 00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:40.000 A new house to sound the foundation has to settle. And when it does, it can, it can leave cracks in the house. 398 00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:47.000 Well this foundation, because of all that you've weathered is already settled. 399 00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:59.000 There's a building upon everything that you've already built, and those things aren't going to go away. They're not going to fail. But I feel like that once these things kind of come together it all kind of fits. 400 00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:02.000 You'll see how it all fits together. 401 00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:09.000 And then the last thing I wrote down, and again this is kind of like my 402 00:39:09.000 --> 00:39:21.000 like, I feel like I gotta apologize again for some reason but I feel that 403 00:39:21.000 --> 00:39:26.000 I feel there's some portion of your innocence that God wants to restore. 404 00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:30.000 Yes. 405 00:39:31.000 --> 00:39:46.000 And I, I feel I can feel the emotion on it, there's a, there's a time it's like there's like a vibration that happens. And that's lonely like, you know, I'm like hugging somebody and we're crying and I'm crying they're crying everybody's crying there's 406 00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:49.000 and stuff and. 407 00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:59.000 But I feel that there is an aspect, and I'm not going to stretch to try to peer in into what aspect of that innocence that was stolen. 408 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.720 but there is some aspect of your innocence that was taken. 409 00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.740 And God is jealously going to restore that innocence. 410 00:40:11.960 --> 00:40:12.960 That's good. 411 00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:16.960 Not, because one thing I found in my time in ministry 412 00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:18.260 is that I had this high, 413 00:40:19.500 --> 00:40:23.840 unbelievably high percentage of mostly women, 414 00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:25.040 because that was the ministry, 415 00:40:25.040 --> 00:40:28.000 was it was a lot of women, 416 00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:33.000 but mostly women that had really been broken in a sense. 417 00:40:35.040 --> 00:40:37.080 And there was this thing that would rise up in me 418 00:40:37.080 --> 00:40:41.120 and I would get so angry when I ran up against things 419 00:40:41.120 --> 00:40:44.360 where it was like people's innocence had been stolen. 420 00:40:44.360 --> 00:40:47.600 And it was like this thing that they had to live with. 421 00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:49.600 And I would just wanna fight and say, 422 00:40:49.600 --> 00:40:52.480 that is bleepity, bleepity, bleep. 423 00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:55.680 That is bleeping not true. 424 00:40:55.680 --> 00:40:57.140 That is not our God. 425 00:40:57.140 --> 00:40:59.180 That is not how he does things. 426 00:40:59.180 --> 00:41:01.100 That is not something you have to be. 427 00:41:01.100 --> 00:41:03.060 That is something that can be restored. 428 00:41:04.260 --> 00:41:08.760 And I feel that same thing welling up to whatever this is, 429 00:41:08.760 --> 00:41:11.820 or whatever these things that have happened, 430 00:41:11.820 --> 00:41:16.820 where God is jealously gonna come and restore this place 431 00:41:16.920 --> 00:41:18.980 of innocence and loss of innocence. 432 00:41:18.980 --> 00:41:22.260 And for no other reason than because he loves you, 433 00:41:22.260 --> 00:41:24.860 of course, and no other reason, 434 00:41:24.860 --> 00:41:26.100 then there's a childlikeness 435 00:41:26.100 --> 00:41:28.140 that he wants to bring back to your life. 436 00:41:29.780 --> 00:41:32.380 Because without it, it's like those people 437 00:41:32.380 --> 00:41:34.420 that have grown up a little bit too fast, 438 00:41:35.700 --> 00:41:38.260 it's like they missed being a kid in a way. 439 00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:42.980 I think you know a little bit of what that means. 440 00:41:42.980 --> 00:41:45.980 Overly responsible, had to grow up too quick, 441 00:41:45.980 --> 00:41:48.900 probably had to take care of other people, 442 00:41:48.900 --> 00:41:51.800 having to be the peacemaker and the responsible one 443 00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:53.260 and the one taking care of, 444 00:41:53.260 --> 00:41:55.300 probably even with your own family, 445 00:41:55.300 --> 00:41:56.860 probably even your own siblings, 446 00:41:56.860 --> 00:41:58.420 I'm assuming you have siblings. 447 00:42:01.020 --> 00:42:06.020 But there's an aspect of things that we can't do, 448 00:42:08.220 --> 00:42:11.880 we can't have without the childlikeness being there. 449 00:42:13.220 --> 00:42:14.060 Yeah. 450 00:42:15.140 --> 00:42:17.340 And I feel that there's an aspect 451 00:42:17.340 --> 00:42:19.900 of some of the things that you're called to walk in, 452 00:42:19.900 --> 00:42:22.620 some of the things that God wants to bring in your life 453 00:42:22.620 --> 00:42:25.520 that is directly tied to this childlikeness 454 00:42:25.520 --> 00:42:26.820 that be released into you. 455 00:42:28.300 --> 00:42:31.460 Right, and I'm now, actually I'll tell you, 456 00:42:31.460 --> 00:42:33.380 you know, School of Prophets, whatever, 457 00:42:33.380 --> 00:42:34.620 I tell a lot of stories. 458 00:42:34.620 --> 00:42:36.540 Why? I don't know, okay? 459 00:42:36.540 --> 00:42:38.540 Most of them are very self-effacing. 460 00:42:38.540 --> 00:42:40.580 I make fun of myself all the time. 461 00:42:40.580 --> 00:42:42.420 I'm really, really, really, 462 00:42:42.420 --> 00:42:44.400 really good at making fun of myself. 463 00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:47.960 I'm unbelievably, I'm like a PhD in making fun of myself. 464 00:42:48.080 --> 00:42:48.920 Okay. 465 00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:51.600 And I remembered, 466 00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:54.880 it's a little out there, right? 467 00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:57.480 So please forgive me if I'm saying something 468 00:42:57.480 --> 00:42:58.480 that you think is sacrilege, 469 00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:01.600 but I was somewhere in a worship service 470 00:43:03.280 --> 00:43:06.840 and I was going through some stuff in my life 471 00:43:06.840 --> 00:43:10.760 and I closed my eyes and I was standing somewhere 472 00:43:10.760 --> 00:43:15.600 and I saw the Lord pointing like somewhere out to the sky. 473 00:43:15.640 --> 00:43:18.800 He wasn't saying anything, he was just pointing. 474 00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:23.800 And I'm like, what, like, what do you want me to do? 475 00:43:24.120 --> 00:43:25.240 Like, I don't understand. 476 00:43:25.240 --> 00:43:27.200 And he kept pointing and pointing. 477 00:43:27.200 --> 00:43:31.660 And so somehow I went to this place 478 00:43:31.660 --> 00:43:36.660 and all I can describe it as, it was like, I don't know, 479 00:43:36.720 --> 00:43:41.720 like, it was like this negative place, 480 00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:43.320 like not negative, like negative 481 00:43:43.320 --> 00:43:45.040 in the sense of like negative mindset. 482 00:43:45.240 --> 00:43:48.640 It was like, had like negative mass. 483 00:43:48.640 --> 00:43:53.040 It was like, think of it like a black hole or something. 484 00:43:53.040 --> 00:43:58.040 And I knew that black and Jewish culture 485 00:43:59.600 --> 00:44:02.760 or mysticism is the color of mystery. 486 00:44:02.760 --> 00:44:04.760 And it says that mystery surrounds, 487 00:44:04.760 --> 00:44:07.520 you know, like there's a dark cloud that surrounds his throne. 488 00:44:07.520 --> 00:44:10.400 There's this whole thing where he's shrouded in ministry. 489 00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:13.220 And I realized there was an invitation 490 00:44:13.220 --> 00:44:16.900 into some form of mystery, into some mystery of God 491 00:44:16.900 --> 00:44:18.540 that I could enter into if I wanted. 492 00:44:18.540 --> 00:44:21.180 And I went in and somehow I knew in there 493 00:44:21.180 --> 00:44:23.660 that there was the new Jerusalem. 494 00:44:23.660 --> 00:44:26.220 Wow, new Jerusalem, cool. 495 00:44:26.220 --> 00:44:29.140 And somehow, I don't know what your interpretation is. 496 00:44:29.140 --> 00:44:31.980 I can just only tell you what my sense was. 497 00:44:31.980 --> 00:44:34.100 I had a very strong sense in that place 498 00:44:34.100 --> 00:44:35.660 that we were the new Jerusalem. 499 00:44:37.220 --> 00:44:42.220 That in effect, I am, we are at least part of, 500 00:44:42.500 --> 00:44:46.220 if not representative of what this new Jerusalem was. 501 00:44:46.220 --> 00:44:48.300 And it was such a rattling thought 502 00:44:48.300 --> 00:44:50.900 because it wasn't something I'd ever contemplated. 503 00:44:50.900 --> 00:44:53.060 I was trying to wrestle with what this is. 504 00:44:53.060 --> 00:44:54.500 And then he's back where he was saying, 505 00:44:54.500 --> 00:44:56.140 no, no, you need to go further. 506 00:44:57.900 --> 00:44:59.420 You need to go further. 507 00:44:59.420 --> 00:45:00.460 And I'm like, further? 508 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.480 further. So then I'm like, what's further? And then I'm 509 00:45:03.480 --> 00:45:09.680 standing in this very idyllic place. Now, in my time today, 510 00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:12.120 actually, you can probably tell you like there was a movie I've 511 00:45:12.120 --> 00:45:15.200 talked to her about called cocktail, right? It was a it 512 00:45:15.200 --> 00:45:19.960 was this movie with Tom Cruise. And, you know, and there was 513 00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:23.120 this scene where they have the lagoon and there was waterfalls 514 00:45:23.120 --> 00:45:26.400 and whatever. And I was like, that's, that's like, that's my 515 00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:29.500 jam. I would love to find whatever the place that is. I 516 00:45:29.500 --> 00:45:32.020 want to be in a lagoon with waterfalls and swimming. And I 517 00:45:32.020 --> 00:45:34.940 just I think it's the greatest thing. And this place was like, 518 00:45:35.500 --> 00:45:38.380 volcanic rock and green lush plants. And there was 519 00:45:38.380 --> 00:45:42.740 waterfalls and pools of water. And all I can think about is 520 00:45:42.740 --> 00:45:45.140 what am I doing here? What's the purpose? What am I supposed to 521 00:45:45.140 --> 00:45:50.540 do? What's happening? You know, is this is this heaven? Am I am 522 00:45:50.540 --> 00:45:52.700 I supposed to go up the waterfall instead of down the 523 00:45:52.700 --> 00:45:55.180 waterfall because heaven everything's backwards, or I 524 00:45:55.180 --> 00:45:58.340 don't know what am I doing here? Why am I here God? That's all I 525 00:45:58.340 --> 00:46:02.540 want to do. What am I supposed to do? And then I start hearing 526 00:46:02.540 --> 00:46:09.780 noises. And I see this. These, this motion behind one of the 527 00:46:09.780 --> 00:46:13.900 waterfalls, and I noticed that there's kids there. And I can 528 00:46:13.900 --> 00:46:17.540 hear them playing, and they're jumping, and they're playing, 529 00:46:17.580 --> 00:46:21.100 and they're laughing. And I'm looking at this one kid, he's 530 00:46:21.100 --> 00:46:25.140 got dark hair, dark skin, and I can tell, oh, he doesn't have 531 00:46:25.140 --> 00:46:28.700 like, he's got shorts on, he doesn't have swim trunks. And I 532 00:46:28.700 --> 00:46:32.260 noticed that he's a little awkwardly pudgy. You know, he's 533 00:46:32.260 --> 00:46:37.460 not fat, but he's a little pudgy. And, but as I'm noticing 534 00:46:37.460 --> 00:46:42.060 these things, I noticed that he doesn't seem to notice those 535 00:46:42.060 --> 00:46:47.500 things. And neither do any of those other kids. That there's 536 00:46:47.500 --> 00:46:51.660 a, and I started pulling these, these points from this 537 00:46:51.660 --> 00:46:55.860 experience that I was having, as they were completely 100% 538 00:46:55.860 --> 00:47:01.260 immersed in what they were doing. They were 100% engaged, 539 00:47:01.540 --> 00:47:04.780 all parts of them, their imaginations, they were 540 00:47:04.780 --> 00:47:07.020 present, they were nowhere else, and they were enjoying 541 00:47:07.020 --> 00:47:09.900 themselves. And here I am in this idyllic place that I wish 542 00:47:09.900 --> 00:47:14.220 that I could have been if I knew this place existed. Well, you 543 00:47:14.220 --> 00:47:19.460 know, with a discussion with you, I would be there. I would 544 00:47:19.500 --> 00:47:23.100 be there, you know, and I'm not even thinking about it. And I 545 00:47:23.100 --> 00:47:26.020 and as I'm looking at it, I start looking at how I'm seeing 546 00:47:26.020 --> 00:47:31.220 this as an adult. And the Lord's like, see that, that thing 547 00:47:31.220 --> 00:47:35.700 you're doing, wondering how people are seeing you. Wondering 548 00:47:35.700 --> 00:47:38.100 how you're like, that's a misuse of the imagination. That's, 549 00:47:38.140 --> 00:47:41.220 that's not it. You know, they were 100%. You know, as I'm 550 00:47:41.220 --> 00:47:45.620 staring at this, and I can't take my eyes off this kid. And 551 00:47:45.620 --> 00:47:51.700 then I realized that kid was me. And the Lord said, the key 552 00:47:51.700 --> 00:47:59.180 to be able to enter into this mystery is to be childlike. Only 553 00:47:59.180 --> 00:48:01.780 by being childlike, can you enter into this mystery that 554 00:48:01.780 --> 00:48:08.100 I'm showing. Now, I'd love to say I figured this out. Or that 555 00:48:08.100 --> 00:48:13.780 he's shown me the new Jerusalem, or that I'm, you know, I can be 556 00:48:13.780 --> 00:48:20.060 very childish, but not necessarily very childlike. But 557 00:48:20.060 --> 00:48:23.460 in that same fashion, I feel like there are things waiting 558 00:48:23.460 --> 00:48:27.220 for you that are attached to that place of being childlike. 559 00:48:30.220 --> 00:48:30.660 Yeah. 560 00:48:33.460 --> 00:48:38.300 So other than, you know, I don't know, maybe praying into some of 561 00:48:38.300 --> 00:48:43.700 these areas or whatever, I don't even know what time it is. Wow, 562 00:48:43.700 --> 00:48:44.700 that was a lot of talking. 563 00:48:45.300 --> 00:48:50.260 Yeah. That was awesome. I'm, I'm, I mean, every you weren't 564 00:48:50.300 --> 00:48:54.420 off in any of it, like, just so you know, I know, when you're 565 00:48:54.420 --> 00:48:56.940 prophetically ministering, it's helpful to have feedback, but I 566 00:48:56.940 --> 00:49:01.380 just wanted to be able to take it in and let you flow. So I 567 00:49:01.380 --> 00:49:06.060 will say like, a lot of confirmation, a lot of things 568 00:49:06.060 --> 00:49:08.260 that the Lord has been highlighting to me that I think 569 00:49:08.260 --> 00:49:11.140 I had let go and kind of some of the chaos and the feeling 570 00:49:11.140 --> 00:49:13.140 frayed, and he just brought it back to my remembrance, like, 571 00:49:13.140 --> 00:49:16.700 Hey, remember, I spoke to you about this, six months ago, 572 00:49:16.740 --> 00:49:20.740 like, let's pick this back up. And he told me a few months ago 573 00:49:20.740 --> 00:49:25.620 that innocence is not an insult. And so I knew that there was a 574 00:49:25.620 --> 00:49:27.660 restoration of something, I don't know what it will look 575 00:49:27.660 --> 00:49:31.900 like. That was going to happen with my innocence and my 576 00:49:31.900 --> 00:49:34.660 childlikeness. And I think part of my frustration in the season 577 00:49:34.660 --> 00:49:37.740 is, I feel like I haven't been able to access it, the 578 00:49:37.740 --> 00:49:40.860 childlikeness, like, I'm like, just trying to keep my head 579 00:49:40.860 --> 00:49:44.420 above water. But you guys are such a gift. This was such a 580 00:49:44.420 --> 00:49:47.140 treasure. And there's lots for me now. I feel like you've given 581 00:49:47.140 --> 00:49:52.060 me the gift of focus, which is what I've been lacking in the 582 00:49:52.220 --> 00:49:54.700 in the feeling of, you know, just the patchwork. And there's 583 00:49:54.700 --> 00:49:59.460 a lot of frayed edges. So you've restored a lot of hope and focus 584 00:49:59.460 --> 00:50:00.020 for me. 585 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.160 that I'm not screwing it up. 586 00:50:04.920 --> 00:50:06.720 The thing that I'm here, 587 00:50:06.720 --> 00:50:09.360 it was like you feel like you're pulling these threads out. 588 00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:13.120 But what the thing that was like, that's why you Santa's workshop, 589 00:50:13.120 --> 00:50:14.520 of course, it's Christmas, 590 00:50:14.520 --> 00:50:17.080 is that there's a fevered thing with these angels 591 00:50:17.320 --> 00:50:19.120 putting all this stuff together. 592 00:50:19.120 --> 00:50:19.760 That's awesome. 593 00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:22.840 You're just doing what seems like your little part. 594 00:50:23.160 --> 00:50:26.400 But in the background, there's a furious amount of effort, 595 00:50:27.040 --> 00:50:29.840 you know, spiritually speaking or what have you. 596 00:50:30.640 --> 00:50:31.920 I think it's all in your soul. 597 00:50:31.920 --> 00:50:33.520 It's going to be manifest in your body. 598 00:50:33.520 --> 00:50:35.800 I think there's even probably physical things. 599 00:50:35.800 --> 00:50:37.560 They're going to be resolved within your own body 600 00:50:37.560 --> 00:50:39.440 where this stuff is manifesting. 601 00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:43.360 But I feel like the thing is that that he's going to do these things. 602 00:50:43.800 --> 00:50:44.800 That's what I mean. 603 00:50:44.800 --> 00:50:46.760 The little part that you're doing. 604 00:50:47.000 --> 00:50:50.280 And I see you going, I have this one thread. 605 00:50:50.960 --> 00:50:52.560 Like, are you joking? 606 00:50:52.560 --> 00:50:56.960 Like all of this, you know, I don't know, praying and effort and whatever. 607 00:50:57.080 --> 00:50:58.480 I don't get a chunk. 608 00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:01.600 I get I get this one thing and I've got this whole corner 609 00:51:01.600 --> 00:51:04.880 that's all bashed up in, you know, this relationship 610 00:51:04.880 --> 00:51:06.480 that's supposed to be so important. 611 00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:10.440 And, you know, I just saw like this, like you sitting there. 612 00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:13.600 But you're unaware of the bigger picture of all that's going on. 613 00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:17.480 Yeah. Yeah. And he's like custom designed. 614 00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:21.680 You know, it's kind of like when we realize that with all of the 615 00:51:22.160 --> 00:51:24.920 generational baggage that we come with, that God chose us 616 00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:28.840 to be in our particular family, in our generations. 617 00:51:29.120 --> 00:51:33.440 There's all of this stuff in our family that somehow is supposed to come together 618 00:51:33.680 --> 00:51:36.440 through us that he designed and put together. 619 00:51:37.640 --> 00:51:40.560 You know, we have to kind of stop being so kind of like, 620 00:51:40.560 --> 00:51:43.480 I don't know, critical about in the same way, there's a fashion of that 621 00:51:43.760 --> 00:51:48.040 in which he's designed you like like a personal trainer 622 00:51:48.200 --> 00:51:51.240 in all that you have been able to glean from. 623 00:51:51.240 --> 00:51:53.040 And it's not over. 624 00:51:53.040 --> 00:51:54.920 There's more mentors and people. 625 00:51:54.920 --> 00:51:58.160 But I think like some real fathers. 626 00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:05.560 Real mothers, people that will give without wanting anything. 627 00:52:05.560 --> 00:52:09.400 It's like I remember when it was like that passage became really important to me 628 00:52:09.400 --> 00:52:13.320 in this last year and a half. 629 00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:14.160 It's not been easy. 630 00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:18.760 But where it was like, you know, I think it was Timothy. 631 00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:21.120 I don't know. Paul was talking. 632 00:52:21.120 --> 00:52:25.640 You know, I send you Timothy because he's a man of no guile 633 00:52:26.400 --> 00:52:31.360 or basically he's the only one I could find that had no agenda. 634 00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:32.960 He didn't want anything. 635 00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:34.960 He doesn't want anything for himself. 636 00:52:34.960 --> 00:52:37.640 So I'm going to send you that guy, you know? 637 00:52:38.080 --> 00:52:41.600 And I remember thinking for me in this season, he's like, I want to be that guy. 638 00:52:41.680 --> 00:52:44.680 Because I'm in a season where 639 00:52:44.680 --> 00:52:48.600 there's a lot of people that have a lot of agendas, and I see all those agendas. 640 00:52:49.480 --> 00:52:54.640 And I'm like, look, in this, I need to be somebody that has no agenda in this place. 641 00:52:55.640 --> 00:53:01.240 You know, I feel like God, whether he brings you Timothy's or he brings you Paul's. 642 00:53:02.120 --> 00:53:04.120 I feel one thing is that. 643 00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:10.600 He's going to use some people to make you feel like you're not alone. 644 00:53:11.600 --> 00:53:15.920 To rewrite your history or to confront your history. 645 00:53:18.280 --> 00:53:22.680 You know, in a positive way, you know, and I think real mothers and fathers, 646 00:53:22.680 --> 00:53:26.240 people that really see people that really want to invest 647 00:53:26.240 --> 00:53:29.920 and they don't want anything from you at all are going to come. 648 00:53:30.280 --> 00:53:33.560 So good. Thank you so much, guys. 649 00:53:33.720 --> 00:53:36.560 It's amazing. And thank you for being brave. 650 00:53:37.040 --> 00:53:39.600 You have nothing to apologize for. 651 00:53:39.600 --> 00:53:42.400 You know, it's like I know it's like. 652 00:53:42.400 --> 00:53:47.640 You know, you're you're you're you're in ministry, you know, prophetic folks, 653 00:53:47.640 --> 00:53:51.200 you know, and so if you let if I allow myself to go on my head, I'm like, 654 00:53:51.880 --> 00:53:56.800 well, I'm like her Graham or like on speed dial, like, you know, like. 655 00:53:56.800 --> 00:54:00.320 Oh, and you are like, what level do I have to go? 656 00:54:00.320 --> 00:54:01.720 Jesus, help me. Right. 657 00:54:01.720 --> 00:54:04.160 And then your friends getting at the table. 658 00:54:04.160 --> 00:54:07.080 You guys, I mean, you guys are spiritual giants in your own. 659 00:54:07.080 --> 00:54:09.920 You stand in your own cred, your own street cred. 660 00:54:09.920 --> 00:54:11.800 So it's a real gift. 661 00:54:11.800 --> 00:54:14.840 I don't take this for granted that I would have time with you both. 662 00:54:14.840 --> 00:54:18.720 And it seriously is like a real treasure. So thank you. 663 00:54:19.040 --> 00:54:22.480 Well, if I can help you, I don't know what some of these things 664 00:54:22.480 --> 00:54:24.200 that you've got to work through. 665 00:54:24.200 --> 00:54:26.960 And I'm not going to be like in this season of my life. 666 00:54:27.000 --> 00:54:31.160 I'm not offering this out like very often. Right. 667 00:54:31.600 --> 00:54:35.080 But if if you need anything. 668 00:54:35.520 --> 00:54:38.680 You know, and if there's anything that I can do or even if it's 669 00:54:38.680 --> 00:54:41.120 to connect you with people. 670 00:54:41.120 --> 00:54:44.960 There aren't me that would give you that anonymity or whatever 671 00:54:45.280 --> 00:54:48.320 to walk through, whether it's healing or whatever. 672 00:54:49.040 --> 00:54:51.240 Let me know and I'll do whatever I can. 673 00:54:51.760 --> 00:54:53.200 Thank you for that. 674 00:54:53.200 --> 00:54:57.080 Whether it's me or me connecting you with people that I know and I trust. 675 00:54:58.400 --> 00:54:59.960 And that's that's what. 676 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.600 do. Okay. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I will, I will be in touch. I have some 677 00:55:05.600 --> 00:55:09.840 things I want to take from this conversation and talk with the Lord about because I think that 678 00:55:09.840 --> 00:55:14.800 that's my next step, but he is opening me and Ashley knows this. I mean, part of me being in 679 00:55:14.800 --> 00:55:19.280 the rest intensive, which was such a gift was the Lord was saying like, you got to learn to be 680 00:55:19.280 --> 00:55:22.800 vulnerable again and you got to let people in to help you that you can't, this isn't a journey 681 00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:29.200 you're going to make on your own. So I appreciate that. Amazing. You know, opening up and being 682 00:55:29.200 --> 00:55:38.080 vulnerable and whatever. Yeah. If it was a test, I'd give myself an F, but I don't think so. I was, 683 00:55:38.080 --> 00:55:42.640 I've been very impressed. I'm like, okay, I need to learn because I I'm using your group in order 684 00:55:42.640 --> 00:55:48.480 to, to be vulnerable. Ashley and I are like helping each other. We're used to being the 685 00:55:48.480 --> 00:55:54.720 ones that are helping everyone else. We tag team or trade hats in the same conversation. Like, 686 00:55:54.720 --> 00:56:04.320 okay, it's your turn. I need help. Anyway. Thank you so much. And I see there's a recording of 687 00:56:04.320 --> 00:56:08.960 this, so I'll put it up on your transformation session. I mean, you're yeah. Your page. 688 00:56:10.240 --> 00:56:15.680 Bless you guys, but I'll be in touch. All right. Bye-bye.