WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.060 you 2 00:00:30.300 --> 00:00:32.360 you 3 00:00:50.700 --> 00:00:52.760 you 4 00:00:53.760 --> 00:00:59.720 Hi Ashley, can you hear me 5 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:03.020 you 6 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:14.000 I'm muted 7 00:01:15.400 --> 00:01:17.840 Hmm 8 00:01:20.960 --> 00:01:23.020 you 9 00:01:27.260 --> 00:01:29.320 you 10 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:32.080 you 11 00:01:43.000 --> 00:01:45.200 hmm 12 00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:56.720 you 13 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:02.000 you 14 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:13.120 okay can you hear me now yeah can you hear me yes yay i can 15 00:02:15.760 --> 00:02:23.280 sorry about that the problem is on my end um i um we our computer was in the shop and um what 16 00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:28.960 ended up happening is and so i just got it back today but what ended up happening is because we 17 00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:33.120 thought it was just a battery problem but apparently the entire motherboard had to be 18 00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:40.960 replaced and what that means is that it literally wiped the computer so i come here to just get on 19 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:46.560 zoom and all of a sudden it's like taking me back from back at the very beginning of the computer 20 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:52.160 as if i just bought it from the store and it's making me go through all this setup stuff so 21 00:02:52.160 --> 00:02:58.000 even though i started you know before before we needed to get on zoom everything was taking so 22 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:05.040 long to click through i ended up being like so that's also why the the voice wouldn't work is 23 00:03:05.040 --> 00:03:11.840 i hadn't i hadn't done everything i needed to do for it to like for me to join and anyway so i'm 24 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:17.600 very sorry i was just in the mode of oh i've done this like hundreds of times and so i'll just go 25 00:03:17.600 --> 00:03:23.760 on and all of a sudden it's as if i have a brand new computer so i'm very sorry i'm late that's 26 00:03:23.760 --> 00:03:30.160 okay so let me see if i can work screens 27 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:35.120 okay i'm gonna see if 28 00:03:38.320 --> 00:03:46.000 i'm gonna have to try to figure out how to like turn it up so how are you good yeah good how are 29 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:54.000 you doing good doing really good i've been excited about our meeting today and yeah because 30 00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:01.600 i just feel like we uh we just really haven't i don't know connected much since you've even 31 00:04:01.600 --> 00:04:05.760 though you've been in the rest intensive and i've seen your posts and stuff like that i don't know 32 00:04:05.760 --> 00:04:10.480 why it just it just does and i told my husband i said i said i'm really looking forward to meeting 33 00:04:10.480 --> 00:04:16.079 with christine tonight i said it just feels like she's been silent i know she hasn't been because 34 00:04:16.079 --> 00:04:21.040 i've been hearing her talk and i see her post but it's just like you know i just have had the lack 35 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:27.040 of connection and so anyway i thought but i get her all to myself this evening so yeah and i'm 36 00:04:27.040 --> 00:04:34.480 sorry i missed last night completely don't worry yeah just uh that you could so we missed you and 37 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:40.160 missed getting to hear you know your updates and everything but at least uh the you know the 38 00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:47.840 beginning and the end of the rest groups are recorded so yeah because we do breakout rooms 39 00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:54.000 um that means that the breakout rooms aren't recorded um it's just how zoom does it and 40 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:58.080 i guess because it would like be recording too many things and i think part of the breakout 41 00:04:58.080 --> 00:05:00.000 rooms that sometimes people use them for 42 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.500 I don't want to say it's for privacy, but it 43 00:05:04.500 --> 00:05:07.160 would probably be very challenging for Zoom to 44 00:05:07.160 --> 00:05:09.560 figure out what to do about the fact that you're 45 00:05:09.560 --> 00:05:12.920 starting a meeting and ending a meeting together. 46 00:05:12.920 --> 00:05:15.480 But in the middle, it's, I mean, how on earth 47 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:18.720 would it re-integrate all those different 48 00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:21.080 recordings into one thing. So maybe that's why 49 00:05:21.080 --> 00:05:23.480 they don't do it. But I wish that they would 50 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:26.920 give you the option to like record, record 51 00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:30.560 everything separately. You know, you have a main 52 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:32.440 meeting and then you're also recording all of 53 00:05:32.440 --> 00:05:34.520 these. But as far as I know that that's not 54 00:05:34.520 --> 00:05:38.160 possible. So anyway, if they're if they're missed, 55 00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:40.480 they're missed, including me, I can only be there 56 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:45.000 for part of them. Like I can, I like jump into 57 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:47.200 one rest group and then after a while go into 58 00:05:47.200 --> 00:05:49.760 the other one to finish it off. And then I just 59 00:05:49.760 --> 00:05:53.920 sit silently on mute. Every now and then yesterday 60 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:56.280 I would like someone would say something and I'd 61 00:05:56.280 --> 00:05:58.760 send a thumbs up, you know, thumbs up emoji. 62 00:05:59.680 --> 00:06:02.200 Like, that was an excellent answer. That's 63 00:06:02.200 --> 00:06:03.960 exactly what's going on. 64 00:06:06.840 --> 00:06:11.000 But catch me up on you. So how is how is the 65 00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:13.320 program going for you? How's this like this 66 00:06:13.320 --> 00:06:16.240 journey with the Lord? You know, just where are 67 00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:16.440 you? 68 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:21.160 Well, I'm really enjoying this. And it's so good. 69 00:06:21.560 --> 00:06:25.120 Yeah. And I'm so it's so good to be with a group 70 00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:28.040 of of people. I mean, it's mainly women that I 71 00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:32.320 hear talking. But it's so good to be with people 72 00:06:32.320 --> 00:06:36.360 who are on the same path and hungering and 73 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:40.160 desiring for the same things. Yeah. Yeah. It 74 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:42.800 really is very big so that when I had 75 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:45.560 internationals who wanted to to wanted to go 76 00:06:45.560 --> 00:06:48.040 through the program, but they couldn't do it 77 00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:52.120 live. And I was like, man, I really don't know if 78 00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:55.400 I want to offer them any other option other than 79 00:06:55.400 --> 00:06:57.240 just trying to figure out how to make the 80 00:06:57.240 --> 00:07:00.440 community version work and like make the lives, 81 00:07:00.440 --> 00:07:02.160 even if it's like in the middle of the night or 82 00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:04.680 two in the morning or whatever. Because even 83 00:07:04.680 --> 00:07:06.280 though it's inconvenient and we don't think of 84 00:07:06.280 --> 00:07:09.160 that as like being an option for us, that's what 85 00:07:09.160 --> 00:07:11.400 people do for my husband's ministry. They're 86 00:07:11.400 --> 00:07:13.360 literally all over the world at all different 87 00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:16.920 times a day. And like if it's two in the morning, 88 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:19.520 they will get up and in order to get to watch a 89 00:07:19.520 --> 00:07:21.840 session or whatever. But everyone's different. 90 00:07:21.840 --> 00:07:24.600 So anyway, my point was that I thought, I don't 91 00:07:24.600 --> 00:07:26.400 know if I want to offer them an option like a 92 00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:30.400 private option because the community aspect is 93 00:07:30.400 --> 00:07:34.040 so very helpful. And it's encouraging because 94 00:07:34.040 --> 00:07:36.400 you're like, OK, so Ashley's not the only one 95 00:07:36.400 --> 00:07:38.840 out there like that, that lives like this, that 96 00:07:38.840 --> 00:07:41.360 gets to see God like this. I'm hearing 97 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:44.040 testimonies from all these other people and then 98 00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:46.640 me trying to learn how to live like that life 99 00:07:46.640 --> 00:07:50.200 like this. I'm not the only one who's learning, 100 00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:52.160 you know, and it's just really is very 101 00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:53.720 encouraging. And I've noticed that it's very 102 00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:56.080 powerful. So the rest groups are actually 103 00:07:56.080 --> 00:08:00.240 something new I'm doing to allow more time for 104 00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:03.080 people to just visit and interact. And yeah, 105 00:08:03.080 --> 00:08:05.360 there's a purpose behind it of like, hey, 106 00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:08.120 everybody, you know, hear other people's stories 107 00:08:08.120 --> 00:08:10.440 and then try because it's because you're not 108 00:08:10.440 --> 00:08:13.080 emotionally involved, you know, or as emotionally 109 00:08:13.080 --> 00:08:15.240 involved. You know, we love other people, but, you 110 00:08:15.240 --> 00:08:17.080 know, we care about them. But that you're 111 00:08:17.080 --> 00:08:20.080 listening for trying to figure out, OK, in those 112 00:08:20.080 --> 00:08:24.040 types of situations and scenarios, where is 113 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:27.200 unrest evidencing itself so we can start more 114 00:08:27.200 --> 00:08:31.680 readily seeing in our own lives? And then how if 115 00:08:31.680 --> 00:08:36.840 you're in that situation, could you, what is it 116 00:08:36.840 --> 00:08:38.600 that you could, how could you approach it 117 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:40.640 differently in order to shift into rest and 118 00:08:40.640 --> 00:08:43.400 whatever? But so there is that purpose, but also 119 00:08:43.400 --> 00:08:46.080 part of the purpose is just to make, to help 120 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:49.520 everybody get a chance to share and to feel heard 121 00:08:49.800 --> 00:08:52.720 and to feel, you know, to hear other people who 122 00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:55.040 are on that path. So I'm glad that you're liking 123 00:08:55.040 --> 00:08:59.800 it. Yeah, I really am. And your videos answering 124 00:08:59.800 --> 00:09:02.720 questions are really good, too. You know, that's 125 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:08.320 good to know. OK, we have sessions. Yeah, those 126 00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:11.880 are really good. And I have to tell you what 127 00:09:11.880 --> 00:09:15.400 happened yesterday, because Sunday night, you 128 00:09:15.400 --> 00:09:19.080 know, you were talking about who is God, you 129 00:09:19.080 --> 00:09:23.840 know, who who do you say that I am? And the word 130 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:30.000 planner came to me. And so, you know, I thought, 131 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:34.880 OK, you are my planner. And then yesterday I 132 00:09:34.880 --> 00:09:40.640 needed to have that word because I my I have a 133 00:09:40.640 --> 00:09:44.000 new primary care doctor who is supposed to get 134 00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:48.640 me going on the radiation therapy. So she had 135 00:09:49.240 --> 00:09:52.680 cancelled earlier in the month, and I was 136 00:09:52.680 --> 00:09:56.720 supposed to start this like the SEC by at least 137 00:09:56.720 --> 00:09:59.720 the second week in October. And. 138 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.480 I was supposed to see her on Tuesday. 139 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:05.120 She'd already canceled before. 140 00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:07.440 I got a call from the office on Tuesday 141 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:09.120 saying they were canceling again 142 00:10:10.640 --> 00:10:14.640 and that I couldn't see her until November 17th. 143 00:10:15.520 --> 00:10:16.640 That would be frustrating. 144 00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:20.800 Oh, I was so frustrated, so frustrated. 145 00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:25.040 And they made an appointment for me to see 146 00:10:25.040 --> 00:10:29.440 the physician assistant, but I was really in tears. 147 00:10:29.440 --> 00:10:32.400 And I knew I needed to call somebody, 148 00:10:32.400 --> 00:10:34.400 my health planner, somebody, 149 00:10:34.400 --> 00:10:38.000 but I called the radiation therapy office. 150 00:10:39.040 --> 00:10:41.200 And this gal, her name is Janine, 151 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:43.680 we've talked because they're waiting for me to come. 152 00:10:43.680 --> 00:10:44.960 They have my paperwork. 153 00:10:45.920 --> 00:10:49.760 So I told, and I was crying when I was talking to her 154 00:10:50.400 --> 00:10:54.000 and she was kind of upset 155 00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:55.600 and she just went to bat for me. 156 00:10:56.480 --> 00:11:00.000 And she got the physician assistant 157 00:11:00.560 --> 00:11:02.960 to put in a urgent request. 158 00:11:02.960 --> 00:11:07.280 And I have an appointment with a consultation on Friday 159 00:11:07.920 --> 00:11:11.280 with the radiation oncologist. 160 00:11:11.280 --> 00:11:12.080 Oh, good. 161 00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:17.840 So Thursday, tomorrow with the physician assistant 162 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:20.480 and then Friday to find out. 163 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:21.200 Oh, good. 164 00:11:22.560 --> 00:11:25.440 Yeah, and I mean, I was really upset 165 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:27.440 but I was thinking you are my planner, 166 00:11:28.400 --> 00:11:29.520 God knows about this. 167 00:11:29.520 --> 00:11:32.640 And I asked him, who do I call? 168 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:37.280 What is going to be the best way to do it? 169 00:11:37.280 --> 00:11:41.760 And calling that gal, she really got things going. 170 00:11:42.640 --> 00:11:44.240 Yeah, that's great. 171 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:47.680 Yeah, so that was, yeah. 172 00:11:48.800 --> 00:11:49.760 That's wonderful. 173 00:11:49.840 --> 00:11:55.280 It's seeing a manifestation of the fact 174 00:11:55.280 --> 00:11:57.840 that you called on God's character. 175 00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:00.000 God said, God revealed himself to you as, 176 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:03.600 hey, one of the things I am to you is I'm a planner. 177 00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:05.920 Like, oh, okay, so God, you're going to plan it 178 00:12:05.920 --> 00:12:06.960 and I don't have to plan it? 179 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:08.000 He's like, yeah, I plan it. 180 00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:11.760 Like, okay, so with you being my planner, Lord, 181 00:12:11.760 --> 00:12:14.080 how do I participate? 182 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:16.000 Because you and I are living life together. 183 00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:19.040 So you're going to plan it and I'm part of it. 184 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:22.080 So now that the pressure is off, 185 00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:24.160 okay, now who do I call? 186 00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:25.040 Who could I do it? 187 00:12:25.040 --> 00:12:30.640 It's like everything is a lot more clear when we rest, 188 00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:33.440 what a lot of times we think of as a relax. 189 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:34.880 In other words, the pressure is off. 190 00:12:34.880 --> 00:12:36.560 So now the pressure's off. 191 00:12:36.560 --> 00:12:39.600 It's wild what God will like put into our heads 192 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:42.320 and be like, call this person, do this. 193 00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:47.120 That we feel and sense and watch his direction 194 00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:49.360 so much more effortlessly. 195 00:12:49.360 --> 00:12:51.840 If we just call on his character, like, okay, God, 196 00:12:51.840 --> 00:12:53.360 then I will allow you. 197 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:55.760 I choose and I give you authority to be that, 198 00:12:55.760 --> 00:12:57.520 to be what you've declared to be. 199 00:12:57.520 --> 00:12:59.920 Into my life, I don't know what it's going to look like. 200 00:12:59.920 --> 00:13:01.600 I don't know how it's going to manifest. 201 00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:07.600 I don't know if or when I'm going to get an answer 202 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:10.640 or in what that answer is going to look like 203 00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:12.720 and what it is that you're going to do. 204 00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:15.120 Or is it feel like you're going to do anything 205 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:16.240 by such and such a time? 206 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:19.440 But whatever it is, God, I just want to see you be you. 207 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:22.800 And then all of a sudden the pressure and the weight's off. 208 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:25.680 And then it's so much easier to just know, 209 00:13:26.400 --> 00:13:28.240 oh, well, then I should do this. 210 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:29.440 Then I should do that. 211 00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:34.000 But if we're tight and if we're nervous 212 00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:35.760 and then if we're like feel the pressure 213 00:13:35.760 --> 00:13:38.160 and we're upset and we're like, it shouldn't feel like this. 214 00:13:38.160 --> 00:13:39.440 It shouldn't be like this. 215 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:41.440 And then we feel the pressure that in order 216 00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:44.480 for a good outcome to come, I have to do it. 217 00:13:45.040 --> 00:13:47.280 It's harder for our minds to be clear 218 00:13:47.280 --> 00:13:51.120 for us to think of truly what is it that would, 219 00:13:52.800 --> 00:13:54.480 who should I call or what should I do? 220 00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:55.600 When if we give it to the Lord, 221 00:13:55.600 --> 00:13:57.920 the Lord's like, I'll show you, I'll guide you, whatever. 222 00:13:58.480 --> 00:13:59.840 That is wonderful. 223 00:14:00.640 --> 00:14:02.720 Yeah. And I felt like, and I thought, 224 00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:09.680 it's okay to feel the emotion after all this time. 225 00:14:10.800 --> 00:14:13.360 And still I can't get in to see that doctor. 226 00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:14.500 Yeah. 227 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:17.040 And it wasn't like I was angry. 228 00:14:17.040 --> 00:14:18.240 I was just, you know. 229 00:14:19.520 --> 00:14:20.020 Yeah. 230 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:21.520 Tired of it. 231 00:14:21.520 --> 00:14:22.020 I don't know. 232 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:29.280 And I didn't actually want the radiation therapy, 233 00:14:29.920 --> 00:14:36.880 but when I called and I spoke with a naturopathic doctor, 234 00:14:36.880 --> 00:14:40.400 she said, you do the radiation therapy 235 00:14:40.400 --> 00:14:43.120 with the nutrition or whatever it is. 236 00:14:43.440 --> 00:14:46.000 You know, like vitamin C shot. 237 00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:47.440 Yeah. 238 00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:49.520 So then that showed me, okay, 239 00:14:49.520 --> 00:14:51.680 I do need to have the radiation therapy, 240 00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:54.720 even though my sister is against it. 241 00:14:56.400 --> 00:14:56.900 Sorry. 242 00:14:59.120 --> 00:14:59.620 Yeah. 243 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.360 But that I wanted to mention, too, about your video 244 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:06.600 about owning it, owning yourself. 245 00:15:06.600 --> 00:15:12.280 That was really helpful because, yeah, I 246 00:15:12.280 --> 00:15:18.240 think it's the whole thing of having a will 247 00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:24.640 or having you can own that you have your own wants or desires 248 00:15:24.640 --> 00:15:29.840 or whatever, and that you're not just a limp dishrag. 249 00:15:29.840 --> 00:15:33.280 Yeah, I know, I know. 250 00:15:33.280 --> 00:15:35.600 And you can make your choices. 251 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:36.880 Correct. 252 00:15:36.880 --> 00:15:41.400 Yeah, it's just that God wants us to choose the thing 253 00:15:41.400 --> 00:15:43.840 that he wants us to choose him. 254 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:47.160 But we have to, like I was all saying yesterday, 255 00:15:47.160 --> 00:15:52.680 we have to own our own will enough to be able to choose him. 256 00:15:52.680 --> 00:15:57.080 So he doesn't want to be dragging us along like a slave. 257 00:15:57.080 --> 00:15:59.880 He's like, no, no, no, now you're a son. 258 00:15:59.880 --> 00:16:02.000 I'm just asking you to choose me. 259 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:03.480 That's the obedience. 260 00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:06.240 The obedience isn't shutting off your will 261 00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:09.280 where you have no desire and you're just kind of walking 262 00:16:09.280 --> 00:16:11.080 around like a robot, you know, like, Lord, 263 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:12.840 whatever you want me to do, I'll do. 264 00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:15.240 He's like, I don't feel loved like that 265 00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:18.640 because you shut yourself off in order to obey me. 266 00:16:18.640 --> 00:16:21.160 And why would you do that if you loved me? 267 00:16:21.160 --> 00:16:24.200 Because I want you to obey me because you love me 268 00:16:24.200 --> 00:16:25.320 and have a relationship. 269 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:30.040 And I am what you chose as opposed to, no, Lord, 270 00:16:30.040 --> 00:16:33.160 in order to avoid choosing you because I don't want to, 271 00:16:33.160 --> 00:16:35.280 I'm just going to shut myself off. 272 00:16:35.280 --> 00:16:37.520 That's actually not choosing God. 273 00:16:37.520 --> 00:16:40.280 So anyway, I think that that's that I'm really 274 00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:41.600 glad that it was helpful. 275 00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:44.640 It ended up, that was a clip from the rest group 276 00:16:44.640 --> 00:16:46.960 last night from the very end because I 277 00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:49.520 had been listening to the people talk in the different, 278 00:16:49.520 --> 00:16:51.960 in the different, two different groups. 279 00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:54.000 And I thought, and that was just something 280 00:16:54.800 --> 00:16:56.320 that the Lord kind of raised up in my spirit. 281 00:16:56.320 --> 00:16:59.360 And so that's how I try to run the rest intensives 282 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:04.359 is I try to do a lot, I try to do, 283 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:07.280 I try to address things that just kind of like 284 00:17:07.280 --> 00:17:11.400 spiritually seem to come up as people are going through 285 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:12.319 when they're on this journey. 286 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:14.960 It's like, okay, what is very present now? 287 00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:17.640 Where is everyone and what part are they, 288 00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:19.560 what like, I don't know, 289 00:17:19.560 --> 00:17:22.079 what tool do they need now or whatever? 290 00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:23.599 And so that was the one that came up 291 00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:26.520 based off of where it is people seem to be. 292 00:17:26.520 --> 00:17:29.760 Because I noticed that I kept talking about choosing 293 00:17:29.760 --> 00:17:33.200 and people, they didn't say they were frustrated, 294 00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:37.680 but I could sense the frustration of like, but how? 295 00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:38.800 Okay, so we need to do that. 296 00:17:38.800 --> 00:17:40.680 So that's great, but how do I do it? 297 00:17:40.680 --> 00:17:43.360 And all of a sudden I realized that's right. 298 00:17:43.360 --> 00:17:46.760 If people have gotten to the point where they are, 299 00:17:46.760 --> 00:17:48.440 it generally means, you know, 300 00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:50.200 like they need the rest intensive, 301 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:51.960 they need to learn to shift into rest. 302 00:17:52.840 --> 00:17:54.280 Because they're usually so performance driven 303 00:17:54.280 --> 00:17:57.040 because they don't own themselves anymore. 304 00:17:57.040 --> 00:17:58.840 They don't feel they have a right to themselves. 305 00:17:58.840 --> 00:18:00.920 So they don't know how to choose anymore 306 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:02.040 in a manner of speaking. 307 00:18:02.040 --> 00:18:04.360 We all know how to choose someone, 308 00:18:04.360 --> 00:18:07.480 but there's a way in which we've shut it off deep down 309 00:18:07.480 --> 00:18:09.440 in our relationship with the Lord. 310 00:18:09.440 --> 00:18:12.160 And we don't know that we've shut it off. 311 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:13.840 We don't know where to go to find it 312 00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:15.960 in order to turn it back on. 313 00:18:15.960 --> 00:18:18.160 So I was trying to think of different phrases 314 00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:21.480 that would kind of like help people know 315 00:18:21.600 --> 00:18:24.000 of what I was talking about when I say choose. 316 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:26.680 It's like, it's your intention. 317 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:27.720 It's what I refer to. 318 00:18:27.720 --> 00:18:30.200 I, in fact, I have an entire teaching on this. 319 00:18:30.200 --> 00:18:32.200 It's called the power of intention, 320 00:18:32.200 --> 00:18:35.400 where you decide of your own free will 321 00:18:35.400 --> 00:18:38.720 and you send it, you create a decision 322 00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:39.800 out of your own free will 323 00:18:39.800 --> 00:18:42.280 and you direct it towards something. 324 00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:44.920 And that's what causes something to happen in the earth. 325 00:18:44.920 --> 00:18:48.440 And God always wants the origination of that intention 326 00:18:48.440 --> 00:18:51.360 to be something that you and he collaborated on 327 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:53.680 together, not something we're just doing 328 00:18:53.680 --> 00:18:55.440 because we just want to. 329 00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:58.400 And we're like rogues out there, you know. 330 00:18:58.400 --> 00:18:59.520 But anyway, go ahead. 331 00:18:59.520 --> 00:19:02.120 So I'm glad that that was helpful and timely. 332 00:19:02.120 --> 00:19:03.640 Yeah, that was good. 333 00:19:05.560 --> 00:19:08.680 And I'm trying to think where I am at. 334 00:19:10.080 --> 00:19:11.440 I'm exhausted really. 335 00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:14.280 Work is so busy right now. 336 00:19:14.280 --> 00:19:17.960 We were bought out by a company 337 00:19:17.960 --> 00:19:22.960 and they're coming in and putting on lots of pressure, 338 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:27.400 put, you know, wanna make lots of changes. 339 00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:31.360 And the department that I work for, 340 00:19:31.360 --> 00:19:33.640 like I work for nurse care managers 341 00:19:35.040 --> 00:19:39.560 and they are really, I mean, they're being asked to, 342 00:19:39.560 --> 00:19:43.640 they have enough, their jobs are sufficient, you know. 343 00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:47.000 What they're doing is enough, too much actually. 344 00:19:47.840 --> 00:19:51.320 But so now they're adding all these things on. 345 00:19:51.320 --> 00:19:53.320 And so that means I have to, you know, 346 00:19:53.320 --> 00:19:56.400 make these programs and do all this stuff. 347 00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:58.920 And then I just got a message before our call 348 00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:00.240 that they want this. 349 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.000 other thing to happen, which I don't know, a lot of this stuff 350 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:10.600 I don't know how to do until, you know, we get started on it. 351 00:20:11.120 --> 00:20:14.320 But it's a lot of a lot of pressure and not just on me. 352 00:20:14.320 --> 00:20:17.880 It's it's a lot of pressure on the nurses, the people that I 353 00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:26.440 can't afford. And yeah, so yeah, so I'm feeling pretty, well, 354 00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:30.800 just tired. Yeah. You know, after yesterday, and then 355 00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:35.880 thinking about getting radiation therapy. And they say that I 356 00:20:35.880 --> 00:20:40.280 had a friend who went through it a few months ago. And she said, 357 00:20:40.280 --> 00:20:45.640 you get really tired. And she took a medical leave from work. 358 00:20:46.320 --> 00:20:54.520 But I don't really want to. So I want to keep working. So I'm 359 00:20:54.520 --> 00:20:58.960 really, yeah, kind of wondering how that's gonna go. And then, 360 00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:04.280 you know, it burns, I guess it burns your skin. So really, 361 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:11.880 yeah, like a sunburn or something. So it doesn't sound 362 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:18.440 very fun. But, you know, got to do it. Yeah. 363 00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:23.960 So go ahead. No, I was just I thought you were done. So I was 364 00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:28.680 gonna jump in. But go for it. Jump in, jump in. Well, all I was 365 00:21:28.680 --> 00:21:31.720 going to really address was about like the fact that you 366 00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:34.600 know, that you said that you're so tired. So you're talking 367 00:21:34.600 --> 00:21:37.880 about the fact that there's a lot of pressure at work. And 368 00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:43.480 that's one of those things that we can kind of that we can 369 00:21:43.480 --> 00:21:46.360 absorb. In other words, that we can take on and it's the same 370 00:21:46.600 --> 00:21:50.200 thing that we're talking about, like, that we were talking 371 00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:52.840 about yesterday, that a lot of people were talking about 372 00:21:52.840 --> 00:21:57.080 yesterday in the rest groups, as well as people like say, for 373 00:21:57.080 --> 00:21:59.400 instance, Lindsay have been bringing it up about like 374 00:21:59.400 --> 00:22:03.800 relationships, or, or some people have been bringing it up 375 00:22:03.800 --> 00:22:07.880 about other situations where Oh, Sicily, that's who it was. I 376 00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:09.240 was like, I knew that there's somebody else who's been 377 00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:13.320 talking specifically about pressure, where, you know, in 378 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:17.400 relationships, whether it's like in relationships, or in 379 00:22:17.400 --> 00:22:20.840 work relationships, there's this pressure that we feel. And 380 00:22:20.840 --> 00:22:25.080 therefore, we feel like there's some response that we have to 381 00:22:25.640 --> 00:22:28.760 make to the pressure of, in other words, that we have to 382 00:22:28.760 --> 00:22:33.000 take it on. That because someone is requiring something, 383 00:22:33.000 --> 00:22:35.960 whether emotionally or physically, or, you know, in 384 00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:41.080 their job, etc, that we are that that pressure, in other 385 00:22:41.080 --> 00:22:44.520 words, that they're that that thing that someone else wants 386 00:22:44.520 --> 00:22:49.000 someone else's desires are now our responsibility to carry. 387 00:22:50.360 --> 00:22:55.400 And it's really challenging, as I would say, especially in a 388 00:22:55.400 --> 00:23:03.240 work environment, maybe, but to not take on that pressure. And 389 00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:10.520 what you do is you put you, you meet your required, don't say 390 00:23:10.520 --> 00:23:15.000 obligations that required agreement of like, okay, I will, 391 00:23:15.560 --> 00:23:19.320 you know, I will, I will put in my due diligence that I and I 392 00:23:19.320 --> 00:23:22.280 will work, and I will do everything to the best of my 393 00:23:22.280 --> 00:23:26.600 ability, etc. But I won't take on the pressure and the 394 00:23:26.600 --> 00:23:33.240 responsibility for an outcome that you give to God, they can 395 00:23:33.240 --> 00:23:37.080 pressure you all they want to because they're there, they have 396 00:23:37.080 --> 00:23:41.080 the pressure and they're trying to shift it. It's like a 397 00:23:41.080 --> 00:23:44.200 scapegoat, or something like that. They're trying to put it 398 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:47.240 off on someone else. Well, you and they're trying to put it off 399 00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:51.720 on you. Well, you don't have to take it. And you can put it 400 00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:54.760 either on your supervisors, or you can put it on the Lord. 401 00:23:54.760 --> 00:23:57.720 Well, you always want to put it on the Lord. But the reason I 402 00:23:57.720 --> 00:24:02.040 say the supervisors is that that comes in with, with if there's 403 00:24:02.040 --> 00:24:05.080 only so much that you can do, and this is just this is just 404 00:24:05.080 --> 00:24:08.120 business, you know, if you if there's only so much that you 405 00:24:08.120 --> 00:24:13.400 can do in a in a like in your allotted time, well, then what I 406 00:24:13.400 --> 00:24:16.120 always did, and then I what I was required the people 407 00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:20.520 underneath me to do was to tell the superior, which if I have 408 00:24:20.520 --> 00:24:24.040 people underneath me, it was me, tell me that they couldn't meet 409 00:24:24.040 --> 00:24:28.120 all of their obligations within their within the limits of say, 410 00:24:28.120 --> 00:24:32.120 for instance, their time or their resources or whatever, and 411 00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:35.560 have me make the decision of the priority that I was holding them 412 00:24:35.560 --> 00:24:38.680 to accomplish. If they can't do everything, what were my 413 00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:42.520 priorities? Yeah, leave responsibility on me. But 414 00:24:42.520 --> 00:24:45.960 anyway, that's that's business stuff. So as far as as actually 415 00:24:45.960 --> 00:24:50.600 as you can do that, whatsoever, you will, that's free. But as 416 00:24:50.600 --> 00:24:55.400 far as you know, actually living in rest, especially I mean, even 417 00:24:55.400 --> 00:24:57.960 if you can't pass it along to your superiors, even if you 418 00:24:57.960 --> 00:24:59.960 don't have that type, if you feel that that's not something 419 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.840 that you can do, you can at least, you know, put it all off in the Lord because God never 420 00:25:05.840 --> 00:25:08.520 wants you to be the one to carry it. 421 00:25:08.520 --> 00:25:13.840 So other people can feel like it's your responsibility to carry, but just because other people want 422 00:25:13.840 --> 00:25:18.880 you to carry it or feel that it's your duty to carry it does not mean that it's true. 423 00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:23.080 It does not mean that that's actually your responsibility. 424 00:25:23.080 --> 00:25:28.560 The outcome of your job is not your responsibility. 425 00:25:28.560 --> 00:25:33.160 Your responsibility between you and the Lord, I'm meaning like the outcome of your job 426 00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:38.700 is not your responsibility, you know, between you and the Lord, that's his responsibility. 427 00:25:38.700 --> 00:25:43.040 And so you just basically show up, you know, like, Lord, I present myself to you, you and 428 00:25:43.040 --> 00:25:44.880 I work together. 429 00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:50.640 You know, I will not take on the burden, weight and responsibility of what happens. 430 00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:58.880 I will just be here doing my best before you in your eyes and just apply myself and, 431 00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:05.080 you know, ask for your guidance and ask for your wisdom and, and then, and just, and just 432 00:26:05.080 --> 00:26:11.320 execute because I choose you over how well I do my job. 433 00:26:11.320 --> 00:26:15.840 I choose you over the outcome of my actions. 434 00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:21.440 And so now that's leaving you Lord responsible for the outcome of my actions. 435 00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:26.680 And now that I, now that my actions no longer carry that weight and the responsibility of 436 00:26:26.680 --> 00:26:33.360 determining the outcome, then you will find that you will, you will work a lot more effortlessly. 437 00:26:33.360 --> 00:26:37.880 You'll, you'll discover I'm just kind of like, you know, yesterday, you will come up with 438 00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:39.040 all kinds of ideas. 439 00:26:39.040 --> 00:26:42.600 The Lord will reveal all kinds of things to you that you probably wouldn't have thought 440 00:26:42.600 --> 00:26:43.600 of. 441 00:26:43.600 --> 00:26:50.160 If you've had felt the pressure and the responsibility to execute and to get the outcome, but if 442 00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:54.760 you relieve the outcome to the Lord, then he'll end up, you know, showing you things 443 00:26:54.760 --> 00:27:02.600 to do along the way, et cetera, be free to be able to, to, to know, to, to hear him, 444 00:27:02.600 --> 00:27:03.600 et cetera. 445 00:27:03.600 --> 00:27:08.240 And you remember that I learned about rest in business, so I didn't learn about rest 446 00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:10.820 late or earlier and then apply it in business. 447 00:27:10.820 --> 00:27:12.600 It was in business situations. 448 00:27:12.600 --> 00:27:17.120 So when I'm telling you this, I really did do it in those situations and no one told 449 00:27:17.120 --> 00:27:18.960 me that it would work. 450 00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:22.200 All I knew is that God said he's more important than anything. 451 00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:26.960 So I'm like, okay, Lord, then you're even apparently more, more important than how well 452 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:28.520 I do my job. 453 00:27:28.520 --> 00:27:34.240 So I'm getting all this pressure Lord at work to execute, to get a particular outcome in 454 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:37.880 so many, what felt like impossible scenarios. 455 00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:44.240 I mean, impossible ones and, and I, I wasn't in control of everything because I was dependent 456 00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:47.480 on a whole lot of other people underneath me, et cetera. 457 00:27:47.480 --> 00:27:50.520 And I was like, Lord, you know, what do you, what do you say? 458 00:27:50.520 --> 00:27:55.280 The Lord said, and I felt that the Lord was saying what, um, said that he was my highest 459 00:27:55.280 --> 00:28:01.240 priority and the people underneath me were, were the next highest priority. 460 00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:04.080 And so I'm like, okay, Lord, I choose you and I choose them. 461 00:28:04.080 --> 00:28:06.400 I choose to make sure they have everything it is that they need. 462 00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:10.120 I choose to support them even at my own expense, et cetera. 463 00:28:10.120 --> 00:28:11.120 You know? 464 00:28:11.120 --> 00:28:16.720 And when I did that, God, and because I released the outcome of all of the work to the Lord, 465 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:18.520 he literally did the miraculous. 466 00:28:18.520 --> 00:28:24.240 He did the miraculous to the point that that project that I worked on is still legendary. 467 00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:30.400 In fact, people get frustrated hearing about that, about that team and all of this stuff 468 00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:34.400 that we did because they, they saw that we performed so well. 469 00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:37.080 We thought we need to make more teams like this. 470 00:28:37.080 --> 00:28:40.840 But what they didn't understand is the manager was involved. 471 00:28:40.840 --> 00:28:41.840 Exactly. 472 00:28:41.840 --> 00:28:46.640 They didn't understand that the manager was bringing in the kingdom of heaven and God 473 00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:49.240 was the one who was allowing all those things to happen. 474 00:28:49.240 --> 00:28:53.200 God was the one who, whose spirit was being allowed to move. 475 00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:56.440 And we're talking like none of those other people were Christians, by the way. 476 00:28:56.760 --> 00:29:05.760 I mean, there were a handful of, I don't know, I think one, two of them were professed Christians 477 00:29:05.760 --> 00:29:06.760 or maybe three. 478 00:29:06.760 --> 00:29:07.760 I don't remember. 479 00:29:07.760 --> 00:29:11.560 Out of like 45 or something like that, all of the rest of them were Hindu. 480 00:29:11.560 --> 00:29:15.280 They were all Indian and they were from like, and they were either in India or they were 481 00:29:15.280 --> 00:29:17.640 newly here in the United States. 482 00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:22.560 And I'm telling you what, so it was just that because the manager brought in the authority 483 00:29:22.560 --> 00:29:26.760 of the kingdom of heaven, that is what had preeminence. 484 00:29:26.760 --> 00:29:31.960 So when they tried to replicate the team or when they moved me out and they moved someone 485 00:29:31.960 --> 00:29:35.760 else in is because I asked to be transferred because it was just like, it was just finally 486 00:29:35.760 --> 00:29:37.000 got to just be too much. 487 00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:40.880 But anyway, when they finally put someone else in that position, I tried to, he was 488 00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:44.840 a Christian and I tried to explain to him how I approach things. 489 00:29:44.840 --> 00:29:49.840 But sure enough, the bottom fell out from under it when, under the project and under 490 00:29:49.840 --> 00:29:54.800 the team when he took over because they weren't executing things according to the kingdom 491 00:29:54.800 --> 00:30:00.000 of heaven, that it was God's spirit that was creating the outcomes. 492 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.360 So anyway, all these other teams ever since that have been created and they were always 493 00:30:05.360 --> 00:30:09.360 being taught about this team and how great it was and they need to perform like this, 494 00:30:09.360 --> 00:30:13.560 they would just get annoyed because they're like, I don't know how on earth y'all got 495 00:30:13.560 --> 00:30:18.040 those results and we're being held to an impossible standard and they just felt they 496 00:30:18.040 --> 00:30:19.040 had a lot of resentment. 497 00:30:19.040 --> 00:30:25.880 But anyway, my point was it was that the results were that big of a deal. 498 00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:32.920 God moved in that big of a way because I was under very, very, very high pressure to 499 00:30:32.920 --> 00:30:38.520 create the impossible and God came in and because I'm like, okay, God, I'm not responsible 500 00:30:38.520 --> 00:30:39.760 for that. 501 00:30:39.760 --> 00:30:45.000 My business leaders can want that all they want to, Lord. 502 00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:46.000 That's great for them. 503 00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:51.000 But I'm telling you, there's just no way for that to happen unless God, you take over 504 00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:52.000 and you do it. 505 00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:58.120 If you say, no, we're in your hands, I will just operate in integrity and in taking care 506 00:30:58.120 --> 00:31:05.560 of other people, in taking care of myself, in having boundaries and not throwing the 507 00:31:05.560 --> 00:31:10.800 people underneath me under the bus if they make a mistake, etc. 508 00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:15.720 And then God came in because I let go of everything, God came in and took it. 509 00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:21.000 So anyway, I just wanted to tell you that story to let you know that when I tell you 510 00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:31.640 this, I'm not in your situation, but I'm telling you how it works when even though 511 00:31:31.640 --> 00:31:36.920 it can and what the outcome is, even though we feel like we're risking so much by letting 512 00:31:36.920 --> 00:31:44.720 it go, we're like, well, if I don't feel the pressure, then I won't perform or I won't 513 00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:45.720 get the result. 514 00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:47.600 And that's not true. 515 00:31:47.600 --> 00:31:51.600 We're just used to that only being our only motivator. 516 00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:57.920 And God instead wants to shift our motivation to simply be enjoying him and to be enjoying 517 00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:01.040 the journey of developing our relationship with him. 518 00:32:01.040 --> 00:32:06.200 And we happen to be doing it eight hours a day in the structure of what we call work. 519 00:32:06.200 --> 00:32:07.200 You know, we're for you. 520 00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:08.200 I don't know. 521 00:32:08.200 --> 00:32:11.920 I know that you've worked many more hours, you know, than that, but yes, many more. 522 00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:12.920 Yes. 523 00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:14.920 I'm sure it's like 14 or something. 524 00:32:15.320 --> 00:32:20.960 I've got to tell you what happened with like I had this project and I asked the manager 525 00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:23.000 when she wanted it done by. 526 00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:25.120 And she said like Wednesday. 527 00:32:25.120 --> 00:32:26.800 And that was like maybe Friday. 528 00:32:26.800 --> 00:32:31.480 Well, it was really impossible to finish by Wednesday. 529 00:32:31.480 --> 00:32:38.480 And I should have said, you know, I really can't do it by Wednesday. 530 00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:44.600 And I then I asked her, do you want it Wednesday night or when she wanted it Wednesday morning, 531 00:32:45.280 --> 00:32:48.040 which meant I had to finish it Tuesday night. 532 00:32:48.040 --> 00:32:54.920 And I mean, the Lord did help me with I could use some things that were already built. 533 00:32:54.920 --> 00:32:57.080 And that sped up the process. 534 00:32:57.080 --> 00:33:03.080 But I stayed up while I was watching TV at the same time towards the end, you know, but 535 00:33:03.080 --> 00:33:07.800 I stayed up till three in the morning working on this project. 536 00:33:07.800 --> 00:33:16.440 And then today, so I finished it that Tuesday night and moved it to production that that 537 00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:17.440 night. 538 00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:20.080 So they had it the Wednesday morning. 539 00:33:20.080 --> 00:33:29.400 Well, today I was working on a report and I saw that no one had used those programs, 540 00:33:29.400 --> 00:33:33.760 those two programs that I put together. 541 00:33:33.760 --> 00:33:42.280 And so it was like I should have said, you know, I can't finish it by by Tuesday night. 542 00:33:42.280 --> 00:33:47.000 It was just way too much to do way too much. 543 00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:49.840 It was it was just not. 544 00:33:49.840 --> 00:33:57.720 And I needed to I mean, I think I find that difficult to to really, you know, think, OK, 545 00:33:57.720 --> 00:34:01.880 this is not going to be able to be done like today. 546 00:34:01.880 --> 00:34:07.640 Or this I mean, because I I I said today that I was going to finish something by today. 547 00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:09.840 But then I was given other things to do. 548 00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:12.920 And so I haven't even started on that yet. 549 00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:16.120 So I have to watch what I say. 550 00:34:16.120 --> 00:34:20.000 But it's like some of those things aren't even that important. 551 00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:25.980 I mean, if they didn't start using what I write, yeah, yeah. 552 00:34:25.980 --> 00:34:28.600 And this is like a week later. 553 00:34:28.600 --> 00:34:34.159 I mean, that's. That's right, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. 554 00:34:34.159 --> 00:34:49.520 So like I said, you know, what I got used to is not telling is trying to avoid telling my boss no and just letting them know that, OK, well, if you'd like me to do that, that's going to take X amount of time. 555 00:34:49.520 --> 00:34:52.400 I only have X number of hours. 556 00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:56.840 What would you like me to do instead of trying to solve the problem for them? 557 00:34:56.840 --> 00:35:00.360 Just say, OK, I'm willing to do it, but, you know, here's this or. 558 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.680 or, you know, I can't do them all, which is your priority? 559 00:35:03.800 --> 00:35:06.400 You know, or I wouldn't say I can't do them all. 560 00:35:06.640 --> 00:35:08.120 I wouldn't make it about me. 561 00:35:08.120 --> 00:35:12.080 And like, so I'm saying no, but, you know, and just basically have 562 00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:16.480 them put the responsibility onto them instead of taking their job 563 00:35:17.080 --> 00:35:18.920 off of them and carrying it myself. 564 00:35:18.960 --> 00:35:20.200 It's like, okay, absolutely. 565 00:35:20.200 --> 00:35:22.240 I'm here to, to do this stuff. 566 00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:27.080 What is your responsibility to prioritize that for me? 567 00:35:27.120 --> 00:35:29.760 What, what are you, what are you holding me to? 568 00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:31.600 Yeah, they usually do that. 569 00:35:31.640 --> 00:35:32.640 They do that for me. 570 00:35:32.640 --> 00:35:33.680 That's great. 571 00:35:33.720 --> 00:35:34.640 That's wonderful. 572 00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:36.120 I was like, you've got some good people. 573 00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:39.200 So yeah, they're great to work for. 574 00:35:39.520 --> 00:35:41.280 And I'm glad you like that. 575 00:35:41.640 --> 00:35:41.960 Yeah. 576 00:35:41.960 --> 00:35:43.720 And the manager is a Christian. 577 00:35:44.120 --> 00:35:45.160 So, okay. 578 00:35:45.680 --> 00:35:51.840 Like she had sent me something in the mail, a card with a door dash gift card. 579 00:35:52.120 --> 00:35:56.840 You do you have door dash anyway, but she didn't sign it. 580 00:35:56.840 --> 00:35:59.120 So I had no idea who it was from. 581 00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:03.880 And then today she said, did you get something in the mail for me? 582 00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:05.880 And I said, oh, was that you there? 583 00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:08.160 It wasn't, you know, it wasn't signed. 584 00:36:08.160 --> 00:36:11.680 And she said, well, I'm kind of out of sorts. 585 00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:13.520 I've been out of sorts. 586 00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:16.240 And then I said, you know, how can I pray for you? 587 00:36:16.240 --> 00:36:19.920 And then she said, she's really overwhelmed with the job. 588 00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:25.920 And, you know, it's, I think they're putting so much pressure on her. 589 00:36:26.200 --> 00:36:26.960 I'm sure. 590 00:36:27.240 --> 00:36:27.760 I'm sure. 591 00:36:28.680 --> 00:36:31.480 But anyway, now I can't remember why I said that. 592 00:36:31.800 --> 00:36:32.880 I can't remember. 593 00:36:33.800 --> 00:36:36.480 Oh, well, you were just telling me that they're great to work for. 594 00:36:36.520 --> 00:36:37.120 Oh, yeah. 595 00:36:37.240 --> 00:36:37.920 Yes. 596 00:36:38.200 --> 00:36:38.480 Yeah. 597 00:36:38.680 --> 00:36:39.200 Yeah. 598 00:36:39.240 --> 00:36:46.200 They really are good to work, you know, work with all the, the nurses and I work 599 00:36:46.200 --> 00:36:51.200 with health navigators and social workers and pharmacists to do those. 600 00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:53.680 Yeah. 601 00:36:53.960 --> 00:36:55.720 So it's been, yeah. 602 00:36:55.720 --> 00:36:56.800 So it's been good. 603 00:36:56.800 --> 00:37:04.960 And, and I've, you know, been really conscious that God is, you know, even 604 00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:12.560 before I listened to your foundation series, I, you know, I was just, I mean, 605 00:37:12.560 --> 00:37:17.360 because this job was really beyond me, you know, and a healthcare IT position 606 00:37:17.400 --> 00:37:23.840 that, and I, I got the training in Wisconsin, went to Wisconsin three times 607 00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:28.600 for training, but even then it was still really hard. 608 00:37:28.840 --> 00:37:33.600 It was, I mean, it's not so hard now, but back then, man. 609 00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:41.520 Um, but it was like, I knew that God, God was working with me. 610 00:37:41.560 --> 00:37:46.240 You know, it wasn't like I was doing this on my own and if I tried to do it on my 611 00:37:46.240 --> 00:37:49.360 own, it, I couldn't do it, you know? 612 00:37:49.960 --> 00:37:55.400 And I had other people that I could ask questions, you know, ask them questions. 613 00:37:55.400 --> 00:38:01.280 So it was really like, you know, God was doing it or I was doing it with him. 614 00:38:01.680 --> 00:38:03.960 Not like he was with me, but you know what I mean? 615 00:38:04.360 --> 00:38:04.640 Yeah. 616 00:38:05.320 --> 00:38:09.640 So it's been, it's been really, you know, it's been really good. 617 00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:10.480 Yeah. 618 00:38:10.680 --> 00:38:11.960 Really good. 619 00:38:12.680 --> 00:38:13.240 Enjoyed. 620 00:38:13.240 --> 00:38:22.800 Well, did, um, uh, so, um, well did, before we go on, did what I say make sense? 621 00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:26.280 Do you know, like, you know, what I was talking about, about like, you know, 622 00:38:26.280 --> 00:38:30.480 with the Lord about how we don't take on that responsibility and we just give it 623 00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:35.800 to him, I mean, did that make sense though, practically of like, okay, I know how it 624 00:38:35.800 --> 00:38:39.760 is that I can actually do that as opposed to, okay, that sounds nice, but how do you 625 00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:40.160 do that? 626 00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:41.320 Did. 627 00:38:41.840 --> 00:38:50.880 I think I know what, what you mean, you know, about not taking the responsibility 628 00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:52.840 for it, the outcome. 629 00:38:53.720 --> 00:38:57.720 Um, yeah, I think I know what you mean. 630 00:38:58.000 --> 00:38:58.400 Okay. 631 00:38:58.680 --> 00:38:59.360 Okay, good. 632 00:38:59.360 --> 00:39:06.960 I wanted to make sure, because that can be very challenging to, um, especially when 633 00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:10.320 you're in the middle of it and you're just kind of like faced with it, like, yeah, 634 00:39:10.320 --> 00:39:12.360 but this is the very real reality. 635 00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:16.280 I mean, the thing is due and you know, they just gave it to me and it's due in 636 00:39:16.280 --> 00:39:19.000 two hours and my goodness, normally something like this would take me four 637 00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:19.400 hours. 638 00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:22.640 And then we feel like, oh my word, I really do have to do that. 639 00:39:22.640 --> 00:39:24.760 I don't have time to rely on God, you know? 640 00:39:25.200 --> 00:39:33.400 And it's really in those very extreme times when I, that actually helped me take 641 00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:37.800 the risk because I'm just going, okay, this is extreme. 642 00:39:38.200 --> 00:39:44.360 So I'm just going to give up trying to do it the way that I've always done it. 643 00:39:44.360 --> 00:39:46.600 And I'm truly going to give it to him this time. 644 00:39:47.160 --> 00:39:52.640 And, but it was hard because I'm thinking I'm risking the outcome and the outcome 645 00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:55.840 is risking my career or it's risking my job or whatever. 646 00:39:55.840 --> 00:39:57.600 But I thought I choose God over that. 647 00:39:57.840 --> 00:39:59.880 So I'm like, okay, God, I give it all to you. 648 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.640 And then everything within me would just be like, 649 00:40:02.640 --> 00:40:05.320 oh my word, then the pressure's not mine anymore. 650 00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:07.280 And then all of the sudden, 651 00:40:07.280 --> 00:40:09.440 I would enjoy what it was that I was doing. 652 00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:11.520 I would enjoy what it was that I was tasked with 653 00:40:11.520 --> 00:40:13.760 because I was no longer carrying the pressure. 654 00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:16.120 And now that I was no longer carrying the pressure, 655 00:40:16.120 --> 00:40:20.560 my mind and my energy was now clear to be creative. 656 00:40:20.560 --> 00:40:22.760 All of these ideas started coming to my mind of like, 657 00:40:22.760 --> 00:40:24.280 okay, I could do this, I could do that. 658 00:40:24.280 --> 00:40:25.840 And I would just like jump in 659 00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:27.880 and I would just remember, okay, Ashley, 660 00:40:27.960 --> 00:40:30.520 don't get overwhelmed, just start, just start. 661 00:40:30.520 --> 00:40:31.840 And then as I would go, I'd be like, 662 00:40:31.840 --> 00:40:33.040 okay, let's problem solve this 663 00:40:33.040 --> 00:40:35.560 and let's cut this corner in order to like get it, 664 00:40:35.560 --> 00:40:37.760 in order to like, it's something I would normally do. 665 00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:39.280 Yeah, but there's no time. 666 00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:41.920 So if I do it like this, well, I never thought of that, 667 00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:43.280 you know, doing it like that, 668 00:40:43.280 --> 00:40:45.600 I would actually do it faster and more efficient 669 00:40:45.600 --> 00:40:47.840 and actually it'd be higher quality or whatever. 670 00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:52.840 But so anyway, it can be very scary, 671 00:40:53.080 --> 00:40:57.240 but that's why God talks about faith the way that he does, 672 00:40:57.280 --> 00:41:01.760 is just like, I know that it is risky 673 00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:05.360 and that there's nothing that seems to support 674 00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:08.080 that what I'm telling you is valid, 675 00:41:08.080 --> 00:41:11.840 but he's going, but I want you to choose me 676 00:41:11.840 --> 00:41:15.440 even though I don't seem to make sense 677 00:41:15.440 --> 00:41:18.080 the way that you've always seen the world work. 678 00:41:18.080 --> 00:41:21.880 I'm telling you that if you allow me to do that, 679 00:41:21.880 --> 00:41:24.680 I will come in and do the miraculous 680 00:41:24.680 --> 00:41:27.480 and I will, my kingdom and my principles 681 00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:30.360 will supersede those of the principles 682 00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:32.280 by which the world usually works, 683 00:41:32.280 --> 00:41:35.960 that normally you couldn't do something like that 684 00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:37.360 in two hours or whatever. 685 00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:40.600 And you'll be like, I'll show you because I will do it. 686 00:41:40.600 --> 00:41:41.880 You just enjoy me. 687 00:41:41.880 --> 00:41:46.040 If you choose me, I'll take care of you. 688 00:41:46.040 --> 00:41:48.280 And even if like you didn't, for instance, 689 00:41:48.280 --> 00:41:50.680 say for instance, you don't even hit the deadline 690 00:41:50.680 --> 00:41:53.800 of two hours, there will be something out of it 691 00:41:53.800 --> 00:41:57.520 where God, and especially in the beginning 692 00:41:57.520 --> 00:42:00.560 where God proves is like, I've always been, 693 00:42:00.560 --> 00:42:01.800 I'm still providing for you. 694 00:42:01.800 --> 00:42:03.800 Maybe someone will come in and you show them 695 00:42:03.800 --> 00:42:06.000 what it is you've done so far and they're like, 696 00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:08.040 well, we appreciate you giving your best 697 00:42:08.040 --> 00:42:10.600 and you know what, come to, just the other day 698 00:42:10.600 --> 00:42:13.560 or just five minutes ago, the boss came in 699 00:42:13.560 --> 00:42:16.600 and said, we actually don't need it 700 00:42:16.600 --> 00:42:19.840 or I want to shift priorities or whatever. 701 00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:21.800 And the Lord took care of it. 702 00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:25.480 But I mean, you never know how he'll problem solve. 703 00:42:25.480 --> 00:42:28.240 And even if he doesn't quote unquote problem solve 704 00:42:28.240 --> 00:42:30.560 and there's some quote unquote consequence, 705 00:42:30.560 --> 00:42:33.320 I always give that consequence to Lord as well. 706 00:42:33.320 --> 00:42:35.800 Lord, that's an outcome. 707 00:42:35.800 --> 00:42:36.840 And I give that to you. 708 00:42:36.840 --> 00:42:38.920 So you're gonna take care of the outcome 709 00:42:38.920 --> 00:42:42.120 of what in my mind, I'm thinking that consequence 710 00:42:42.120 --> 00:42:44.120 might mean da, da, da, da, da. 711 00:42:44.120 --> 00:42:46.960 God, I give that to you as well. 712 00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:50.120 And I would just always choose him over my life. 713 00:42:50.120 --> 00:42:52.680 And that is how my life began 714 00:42:52.680 --> 00:42:54.480 to just completely turned around. 715 00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:57.040 And all of a sudden the miraculous things would happen. 716 00:42:57.040 --> 00:42:59.720 Opportunities would start presenting themselves. 717 00:42:59.720 --> 00:43:03.720 People would start, life was more fun, more enjoyable. 718 00:43:03.720 --> 00:43:04.960 I began to dream more. 719 00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:06.640 I began to pursue the dreams. 720 00:43:06.640 --> 00:43:08.920 I began to see the dreams happen. 721 00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:13.920 I cannot tell you how fast my life suddenly began to move. 722 00:43:14.120 --> 00:43:17.680 It felt like I lived a year within a month period of time. 723 00:43:17.680 --> 00:43:19.160 Every month felt like a year 724 00:43:19.160 --> 00:43:21.400 because so many things were happening 725 00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:25.080 and God was just moving in such miraculous ways. 726 00:43:25.080 --> 00:43:26.880 So it really is very wild. 727 00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:30.040 So we just live life with him 728 00:43:30.040 --> 00:43:34.600 and let him take care of the outcome, good, bad or ugly. 729 00:43:34.600 --> 00:43:35.960 We just let him have it. 730 00:43:35.960 --> 00:43:39.280 And we choose him over getting a particular outcome. 731 00:43:40.880 --> 00:43:44.000 Yeah, I have a question that isn't really, 732 00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:45.680 I mean, it's not really related to this, 733 00:43:45.720 --> 00:43:49.840 but why don't they teach this stuff, 734 00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:53.680 union and trust at church? 735 00:43:53.680 --> 00:43:56.520 I mean, we don't hear this very much. 736 00:43:57.640 --> 00:43:58.520 No, you don't. 737 00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:04.440 For one thing is they'll touch on certain things like union. 738 00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:08.600 They'll touch on certain things like love, 739 00:44:08.600 --> 00:44:13.600 but people, but how would it, 740 00:44:13.640 --> 00:44:14.960 I'm trying to think how to word it. 741 00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:17.640 I think I'm trying to explain too many things at one time 742 00:44:17.640 --> 00:44:19.640 and that's why the trains are colliding. 743 00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:25.360 Part of it is it's not sexy. 744 00:44:26.560 --> 00:44:28.160 It doesn't tickle people's ears 745 00:44:29.880 --> 00:44:34.880 because it feels irrelevant to what they're facing. 746 00:44:36.160 --> 00:44:38.600 And they're allowing the things of this world 747 00:44:38.600 --> 00:44:41.320 to be more important to them than the Lord. 748 00:44:41.320 --> 00:44:43.960 So that what they prefer is something 749 00:44:43.960 --> 00:44:47.840 that makes something that seems more exciting. 750 00:44:47.840 --> 00:44:50.400 Like, how can I have more of the gifts of the spirit 751 00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.240 because I can see those, 752 00:44:52.240 --> 00:44:53.440 because I'm talking in tongues 753 00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:56.440 or I can see someone be healed or, 754 00:44:56.440 --> 00:45:00.120 yeah, but my mom came and talked to me like this or my. 755 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.000 or my boss came in and required this of me. 756 00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:06.420 And we're so focused on how to handle 757 00:45:06.420 --> 00:45:09.880 all of the moving parts in our physical lives 758 00:45:09.880 --> 00:45:13.080 because that's where all of our attention is on 759 00:45:13.080 --> 00:45:18.080 that a lot of times pastors know that in order to get, 760 00:45:18.240 --> 00:45:20.960 that in order to not just kind of like 761 00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:25.760 capture people's attention, but how else would you put it? 762 00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:27.600 Kind of like reach people 763 00:45:27.600 --> 00:45:29.320 because that's where they're looking 764 00:45:29.360 --> 00:45:31.240 and that's what they're wanting. 765 00:45:31.240 --> 00:45:33.880 Then the pastors will talk to that. 766 00:45:33.880 --> 00:45:36.560 Also a lot of times pastors themselves 767 00:45:36.560 --> 00:45:38.960 that's what they're interested in. 768 00:45:38.960 --> 00:45:42.880 It's the union and the love is hard 769 00:45:42.880 --> 00:45:46.240 because we are what's required. 770 00:45:46.240 --> 00:45:50.660 That sacrifice as opposed to God working for us. 771 00:45:50.660 --> 00:45:52.040 And if we do certain things 772 00:45:52.040 --> 00:45:54.000 well then God will give us what we want. 773 00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:56.000 Instead of that, it's like, 774 00:45:56.000 --> 00:46:00.120 you've got to give up your life and your lifestyle 775 00:46:00.120 --> 00:46:03.000 and what it is and stop holding them 776 00:46:03.000 --> 00:46:04.520 in accusation against the Lord 777 00:46:04.520 --> 00:46:08.080 or require God to reconcile why he didn't heal so-and-so, 778 00:46:08.080 --> 00:46:08.920 you know, whatever. 779 00:46:08.920 --> 00:46:11.360 You have to give all that up and choose him 780 00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:13.120 when you don't even know who he is. 781 00:46:14.040 --> 00:46:17.560 And that no one wants to do. 782 00:46:17.560 --> 00:46:19.800 That's why the people that a lot of times 783 00:46:19.800 --> 00:46:21.880 come to the rest intensive are the people 784 00:46:21.880 --> 00:46:23.400 that are just simply the most desperate 785 00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:25.320 because nothing else has worked. 786 00:46:25.320 --> 00:46:28.280 But most people hear what I talk about 787 00:46:29.120 --> 00:46:30.320 and they're just not interested. 788 00:46:30.320 --> 00:46:32.840 They're like, that sounds so nice, yeah. 789 00:46:32.840 --> 00:46:35.840 Or they'll say, oh, I remember when God taught me about rest 790 00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:38.680 and I'm looking at their life going, 791 00:46:38.680 --> 00:46:41.320 well, I don't really know 792 00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:44.520 if we're talking about the same thing anyway. 793 00:46:44.520 --> 00:46:47.080 But it's just not, it's the hard stuff. 794 00:46:47.080 --> 00:46:50.560 It's the thing that sometimes we're just not willing to do 795 00:46:50.560 --> 00:46:54.600 or to look at or to give of ourselves to the Lord 796 00:46:54.600 --> 00:46:57.200 until we're in enough pain, 797 00:46:57.200 --> 00:46:58.760 until we're in enough torment, 798 00:46:58.760 --> 00:47:01.080 until we're in enough fear. 799 00:47:01.080 --> 00:47:04.280 And we're allowing that to shift, 800 00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:08.840 just trying to escape one to land into the other 801 00:47:08.840 --> 00:47:12.760 as opposed to being drawn by the beauty of this. 802 00:47:12.760 --> 00:47:15.480 So, I mean, that's one explanation. 803 00:47:16.360 --> 00:47:18.440 Yeah, it seems like, you know, 804 00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:22.800 pastors and people are looking for answers, what to do. 805 00:47:22.800 --> 00:47:25.120 Yeah, correct. 806 00:47:25.120 --> 00:47:27.040 You know, and I mean- 807 00:47:27.040 --> 00:47:28.320 What do I do? 808 00:47:28.320 --> 00:47:30.560 And because you're right, it's performance-based. 809 00:47:30.560 --> 00:47:33.160 Give me a formula, give me something to do. 810 00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:36.480 Give me a certain number of Bible verses I need to read 811 00:47:36.480 --> 00:47:40.120 or something, some way that I can interact with God 812 00:47:40.120 --> 00:47:42.840 where I can, you know, check it off my list 813 00:47:42.840 --> 00:47:44.720 or I can know what it is that I'm doing 814 00:47:44.720 --> 00:47:46.040 so that I can know what it is, 815 00:47:46.040 --> 00:47:47.600 so that I can control it 816 00:47:47.600 --> 00:47:50.440 and be able to determine the outcome. 817 00:47:50.440 --> 00:47:52.680 I choose what outcome I want from the Lord 818 00:47:53.560 --> 00:47:55.480 and tell me how to get that outcome from Him. 819 00:47:55.480 --> 00:47:56.960 And so you've nailed it on the head. 820 00:47:56.960 --> 00:47:59.680 It's the whole doing thing 821 00:47:59.680 --> 00:48:01.760 because we're so used to doing things in the world 822 00:48:01.760 --> 00:48:02.600 that that's how we, 823 00:48:02.600 --> 00:48:05.760 and that's how we have approached getting anything else 824 00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:09.720 in life, jobs, you know, a recognition or whatever 825 00:48:09.720 --> 00:48:12.440 is what we do. 826 00:48:12.440 --> 00:48:14.280 And we think that that'll work with the Lord. 827 00:48:14.280 --> 00:48:16.000 We want that to work with the Lord 828 00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:18.040 for the same reason that Adam and Eve chose the tree 829 00:48:18.040 --> 00:48:19.560 of the knowledge of good and evil, 830 00:48:19.560 --> 00:48:22.280 because it's control, you know, 831 00:48:23.040 --> 00:48:26.160 so anyway, so that's why, 832 00:48:26.160 --> 00:48:30.920 but everything is to be had when you give up the control, so. 833 00:48:30.920 --> 00:48:32.840 Yeah, yeah. 834 00:48:32.840 --> 00:48:33.680 Yeah. 835 00:48:34.840 --> 00:48:38.160 Yeah, I mean, like some were talking 836 00:48:38.160 --> 00:48:39.760 about their church situations 837 00:48:39.760 --> 00:48:44.360 and I left the church that is close by here 838 00:48:44.360 --> 00:48:49.240 after they really treated a pastor badly 839 00:48:49.240 --> 00:48:51.320 and had him leave 840 00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:54.640 because he, I really think it was, 841 00:48:54.640 --> 00:48:57.120 he had a different style of preaching 842 00:48:57.120 --> 00:49:00.880 than the pastor who retired 843 00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:03.000 and they didn't have a going away thing. 844 00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:07.280 It was just all, you know, bad. 845 00:49:07.280 --> 00:49:12.000 And there was the people that I rent a room from, 846 00:49:12.000 --> 00:49:16.280 they were really upset and, you know, we were all, 847 00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:21.280 and they weren't really telling why the pastor was leaving 848 00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:26.720 and, you know, just that it was a difference in opinion 849 00:49:26.720 --> 00:49:30.000 or difference of, what do you call it? 850 00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:31.160 Now, I can't think of it, 851 00:49:31.160 --> 00:49:34.280 philosophy of ministry or something. 852 00:49:35.280 --> 00:49:40.280 So I, you know, I wrote a letter 853 00:49:41.920 --> 00:49:44.920 and got a generic letter back, you know, 854 00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:48.680 we hope you and your family, well, it's just me, you know? 855 00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:53.800 And so I went to another church that focuses more on, 856 00:49:56.480 --> 00:50:00.280 like you were talking about the gifts and, you know. 857 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.160 know, like I saw some people from the old church, and they 858 00:50:04.160 --> 00:50:08.200 prayed for me when, you know, they knew I had cancer, but no 859 00:50:08.200 --> 00:50:11.360 one asked that God would heal me. I thought that was 860 00:50:11.360 --> 00:50:16.280 interesting. Yeah. They just asked for, you know, I get 861 00:50:16.280 --> 00:50:24.240 through it or whatever. So this other church is, you know, it's 862 00:50:24.240 --> 00:50:29.240 really good, very positive, and really, you know, what they 863 00:50:29.240 --> 00:50:33.560 teach is really good. I mean, they're emphasizing now healing. 864 00:50:33.560 --> 00:50:37.920 So of course, I got prayed for healing. But it's so far, like 865 00:50:37.920 --> 00:50:43.760 it's about 40, 45 minutes from where I live. And it's kind of 866 00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:47.680 far to go every Sunday. So I haven't been going and I don't, 867 00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:54.920 you know, the messages at the old church were more like, you 868 00:50:54.920 --> 00:51:00.680 need to do this and more condemning. I mean, not that 869 00:51:00.680 --> 00:51:06.640 they're meant to be condemning, but more. I don't know, not 870 00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:12.680 uplifting, not encouraging, sort of, sort of, not all the time, 871 00:51:12.680 --> 00:51:20.440 but you know, is. Yeah. So I'm kind of in a quandary about what 872 00:51:20.440 --> 00:51:26.760 to do about that. Because, you know, it's like, it's so far to 873 00:51:26.760 --> 00:51:30.920 go, but I really like that church. But I mean, I think 874 00:51:30.920 --> 00:51:36.720 there's still there's, there's still not the thing about union, 875 00:51:36.800 --> 00:51:43.320 you know, there's not the, you know, that sort of thing. And 876 00:51:43.720 --> 00:51:49.520 that is kind of, even though I haven't known how to experience 877 00:51:49.520 --> 00:51:53.960 it a lot through my life, but it's been a theme. You know, 878 00:51:53.960 --> 00:51:59.920 like Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret and that. Anyway, I 879 00:51:59.920 --> 00:52:03.560 haven't I know who Hudson Taylor is. But yeah, yeah. So there 880 00:52:03.560 --> 00:52:07.360 were all these, you know, Christians, I read books, I was 881 00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:14.560 trying to find out how you experience this. And you know, 882 00:52:15.160 --> 00:52:20.880 union, and oneness. Yeah, yeah. And work from that, because 883 00:52:22.880 --> 00:52:25.840 there was a there's a book called they found the secret. 884 00:52:26.160 --> 00:52:33.280 And it's about most of it. I think it was Christian, like Amy 885 00:52:33.280 --> 00:52:36.640 Carmichael, you know, a bunch of different people in Christian 886 00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:40.880 service. And, you know, they came to the end of themselves 887 00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:44.840 and knew that they, you know, they, they were working in the 888 00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:50.040 flesh, serving God in the flesh, you know, on their own. And then 889 00:52:50.040 --> 00:52:57.920 they experienced this oneness with him. And they, you know, 890 00:52:57.920 --> 00:53:01.120 then it became easy, like for Hudson Taylor, you know, it 891 00:53:01.120 --> 00:53:05.160 became really easy, even though circumstances were really 892 00:53:05.200 --> 00:53:09.680 difficult. And, you know, it was like, there were times when I 893 00:53:09.680 --> 00:53:15.280 would experience that. But not consistently, you know, it 894 00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:20.640 wouldn't be consistent. And, you know, in my I think it was in my 895 00:53:20.640 --> 00:53:25.240 freshman year in Bible school, they, they gave an assignment 896 00:53:25.240 --> 00:53:30.400 for us to write about our identification with Christ. And 897 00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:35.040 I had no idea what that was. Yeah, yeah. So people don't. 898 00:53:35.040 --> 00:53:40.520 Yeah. Yeah. So it was, you know, that got me thinking. And, you 899 00:53:40.520 --> 00:53:44.960 know, anyway, so that's kind of been a theme, but to really 900 00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:49.920 experience it all the time. Because you don't hear about it 901 00:53:49.920 --> 00:53:55.560 in church very often. Yeah. I mean, there's a couple people 902 00:53:55.560 --> 00:54:02.320 that you know, that I'm, I've taken classes from them, that do 903 00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:09.800 talk about working with God, and emphasize union and, and all 904 00:54:09.800 --> 00:54:14.200 that. I have this thing that one of them, like, what does the 905 00:54:14.200 --> 00:54:18.560 Father desire from us that we live out of union with Christ? 906 00:54:18.560 --> 00:54:24.240 Yes. And, you know, so there are some people that talk about it. 907 00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:30.760 Yeah, but not that many. Yeah, correct. Anyway, so this has 908 00:54:30.760 --> 00:54:35.560 been this is really good, because, yeah, I just want to 909 00:54:35.560 --> 00:54:39.280 learn to live it more consistently. And, you know, 910 00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:45.160 like, what you're talking about with the pressure, you know, not 911 00:54:45.160 --> 00:54:54.040 to take on that pressure. Yeah, so it's, it's really, really a 912 00:54:54.040 --> 00:54:59.480 good opportunity to learn, to learn with other people, you 913 00:54:59.480 --> 00:55:00.120 know, yeah. 914 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000 Well, one of the things hopefully, you know, that'll, that'll help is, you know, our 915 00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:08.320 identity is our union. 916 00:55:08.320 --> 00:55:14.400 And it's the point at which, you know, our spirit is, you know, combined with his spirit, 917 00:55:14.400 --> 00:55:18.320 you know, touches the spirit, the point at which they're connected, that right there 918 00:55:18.320 --> 00:55:21.040 is our identity. 919 00:55:21.040 --> 00:55:23.480 And and we live from that place. 920 00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:27.700 So our identity is wrapped up in him. 921 00:55:27.700 --> 00:55:29.900 It's not just like, oh, this is our identity. 922 00:55:29.900 --> 00:55:35.980 And then we're can and then we're connected it to now, I have it's not like I've seen 923 00:55:35.980 --> 00:55:39.900 this in scripture somewhere of like, it says that, oh, your identity is the point at which 924 00:55:39.900 --> 00:55:41.620 your spirit connects with God's spirit. 925 00:55:41.620 --> 00:55:46.580 It's just something I teach, because it's just like, it's like something that you just 926 00:55:46.580 --> 00:55:50.660 know, but you don't know how you know, it's just like the things to take it with a grain 927 00:55:50.660 --> 00:55:51.660 of salt. 928 00:55:51.660 --> 00:55:54.140 But that's what I believe, based off and that's how I live. 929 00:55:54.140 --> 00:55:59.260 And I'm telling you my whole life changed when I began to live from the perspective 930 00:55:59.260 --> 00:56:04.180 that my identity is my union. 931 00:56:04.180 --> 00:56:09.980 It's not, it's not my union isn't like this fringe benefit after my identity. 932 00:56:09.980 --> 00:56:16.260 So I'm me and then you know, I connected it's my identity is me being connected. 933 00:56:16.260 --> 00:56:25.020 And so if I, if my identity gives me that sense of self, my sense of self is my union 934 00:56:25.020 --> 00:56:26.300 with God. 935 00:56:26.300 --> 00:56:32.700 And so if I began to kind of think of that, like, well, my sense of self, so who I am 936 00:56:32.700 --> 00:56:35.700 is my oneness with God. 937 00:56:35.700 --> 00:56:41.460 It's the fact that I'm, it's, I'm always with him and I'm feeling him and I have access 938 00:56:41.460 --> 00:56:47.260 to his heart and I have access to his will, meaning like I, I can, I can, I, he gives 939 00:56:47.260 --> 00:56:54.620 me, uh, he, he, um, reveals his will to me because, because I'm in him and connected 940 00:56:54.620 --> 00:56:55.620 to him. 941 00:56:55.620 --> 00:56:57.060 I can feel his love. 942 00:56:57.060 --> 00:57:03.100 I can feel, I can feel his being not just for me, but for other people because I'm in 943 00:57:03.100 --> 00:57:04.100 him. 944 00:57:04.100 --> 00:57:08.820 I'm seeing all these things about him and knowing all of these things about him. 945 00:57:08.820 --> 00:57:12.940 It's because just simply from the fact that I'm connected, even if it's not hitting my 946 00:57:12.940 --> 00:57:17.580 head yet, I'm just, it's that like what I was talking about, the fact that I've never 947 00:57:17.580 --> 00:57:21.180 seen it in scripture, you know, that our identity is our spirit, united with his spirit, but 948 00:57:21.180 --> 00:57:22.940 it's like, I just know it. 949 00:57:22.940 --> 00:57:31.720 It's all, it's, it's knowing everything from simply being connected and being in unit it's. 950 00:57:31.720 --> 00:57:32.720 And so it's hard. 951 00:57:32.720 --> 00:57:40.600 It's a challenging to explain, but that sense of knowing, uh, you know, of, of, of choosing 952 00:57:40.600 --> 00:57:41.600 that. 953 00:57:41.600 --> 00:57:42.600 Okay. 954 00:57:42.600 --> 00:57:46.720 If he says I'm unified with him, I choose that I'm unified. 955 00:57:46.720 --> 00:57:51.240 I choose that, you know, meaning like I choose that that really is my reality. 956 00:57:51.240 --> 00:57:52.840 I choose to believe it. 957 00:57:52.840 --> 00:57:55.640 I choose that it's actually true. 958 00:57:55.640 --> 00:58:01.840 I, you know, as opposed to hoping that it's true and looking for evidence that it's true. 959 00:58:01.840 --> 00:58:10.320 No, I'm like, I make the decision that that is reality because he said that it was. 960 00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:16.440 And then if I, if I do that, well then I lived, I actually begin to live from my union with 961 00:58:16.440 --> 00:58:23.760 Christ because I access, basically speaking, that sense of self. 962 00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:31.060 And I've already identified that my sense of self is me unified with him. 963 00:58:31.060 --> 00:58:33.480 It's not me, my sense of self in the end. 964 00:58:33.480 --> 00:58:34.480 Oh yeah. 965 00:58:34.480 --> 00:58:38.520 Then I also need to remember in addition to that, I'm unified with him. 966 00:58:38.520 --> 00:58:39.520 That's not it. 967 00:58:39.520 --> 00:58:41.160 My sense of self is the union. 968 00:58:41.160 --> 00:58:46.760 I can't separate it and try to get access my sense of self and then later remember, 969 00:58:46.760 --> 00:58:52.520 oh yeah, but also in addition to me being me, I, I get the benefit of also being unified 970 00:58:52.520 --> 00:58:53.520 with him. 971 00:58:53.520 --> 00:58:58.320 There's you, they, they can't be addressed separately. 972 00:58:58.320 --> 00:59:03.280 The me being me is me connected with him. 973 00:59:03.280 --> 00:59:08.120 Otherwise, it would kind of be like me talking, trying to like talk about me without talking 974 00:59:08.120 --> 00:59:14.880 about, you know, and in my sense of self without talking about my body or without talking 975 00:59:14.880 --> 00:59:19.600 about my heart or without talking about my, my, my thoughts or my whatever. 976 00:59:19.600 --> 00:59:23.360 And then saying that, that, well, that's not really me. 977 00:59:23.360 --> 00:59:24.360 That's something else. 978 00:59:24.360 --> 00:59:25.360 And that's a fringe benefit. 979 00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:31.080 It's not, you can't, you know, all of those things make it myself. 980 00:59:31.080 --> 00:59:33.280 So it's the same kind of an idea with, with the Lord. 981 00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:40.280 So if I began to, to view it and remind myself, in other words, bring to the forefront of 982 00:59:40.280 --> 00:59:44.880 my awareness and basically my choice, that that is how I'm going to live life. 983 00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:50.720 And that's what I choose that if God says it's true, that really is true, then if then 984 00:59:50.720 --> 00:59:56.640 I find myself living from that place because I've chosen that that's who I am. 985 00:59:56.640 --> 00:59:59.680 That is how I identify me to me. 986 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.880 If I'm wondering, okay, so I, I feel, I kind of feel at sea right now, you know, I don't 987 01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:11.760 really feel like I have my feet under me in life or, or in this moment, you know, I feel 988 01:00:11.760 --> 01:00:16.440 a little chaotic or I feel a little, I feel hurt in relationships or whatever. 989 01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:20.460 And you kind of want to kind of get a bit of a, get a solid ground. 990 01:00:20.460 --> 01:00:26.040 I go back to, you know, my sense of self, okay, Ashley, you are not your problem. 991 01:00:26.040 --> 01:00:27.880 You are not the chaos around you. 992 01:00:27.880 --> 01:00:32.380 You are not that other person in their hurts, you know, so who's you again? 993 01:00:32.380 --> 01:00:43.240 If I, if I always associate me with me being in God and me being part of him, then I naturally 994 01:00:43.240 --> 01:00:47.680 live from that awareness all the time. 995 01:00:47.680 --> 01:00:52.820 And I know I'm talking a lot about like thought and choice and awareness, but that kind of 996 01:00:52.820 --> 01:00:59.440 like just kind of gives us a, of an anchor point to remind ourselves, but really it's, 997 01:00:59.440 --> 01:01:01.580 it just all comes from a sense of it. 998 01:01:01.580 --> 01:01:09.420 All of this will flow powerfully into your life from a sense of, of, of, of the fact 999 01:01:09.420 --> 01:01:13.420 that that is true, not that you think that it is. 1000 01:01:13.420 --> 01:01:17.100 You thinking that it is to shift you into finally being able to access it and being 1001 01:01:17.100 --> 01:01:21.460 given permission because you've been given permission to it, but then you'll start when 1002 01:01:21.460 --> 01:01:26.020 now that you've given permission and authority to it, that's where you start living from 1003 01:01:26.020 --> 01:01:27.660 is your union with him. 1004 01:01:27.660 --> 01:01:29.780 And then you're living life with God all the time. 1005 01:01:29.780 --> 01:01:34.940 And you're working with God because that's how you identify yourself to you is your connection 1006 01:01:34.940 --> 01:01:38.500 with the Lord. 1007 01:01:38.500 --> 01:01:40.700 Is that maybe helpful a bit? 1008 01:01:40.700 --> 01:01:41.700 Yeah. 1009 01:01:41.700 --> 01:01:42.700 Yeah. 1010 01:01:42.700 --> 01:01:43.700 That's helpful. 1011 01:01:43.700 --> 01:01:44.700 Yeah. 1012 01:01:44.700 --> 01:01:47.860 So you don't, you no longer see yourself as separate, correct? 1013 01:01:47.860 --> 01:01:48.860 Yeah. 1014 01:01:48.860 --> 01:01:57.220 So it's like, you only see yourself as in him and he, in you, that, that connection, 1015 01:01:57.220 --> 01:01:58.220 that union. 1016 01:01:58.220 --> 01:01:59.220 Yeah. 1017 01:01:59.220 --> 01:02:00.220 Yeah. 1018 01:02:00.220 --> 01:02:05.180 That's why I say that as much as people want to talk about all this stuff about rest, I'm 1019 01:02:05.180 --> 01:02:06.180 like, okay. 1020 01:02:06.180 --> 01:02:07.180 Yeah. 1021 01:02:07.180 --> 01:02:08.180 But yeah. 1022 01:02:08.180 --> 01:02:09.620 But have y'all, you know, cause people have been asking me all these other questions, 1023 01:02:09.620 --> 01:02:14.620 which is fine, but I keep thinking, yeah, but you can't get that unless you get the 1024 01:02:14.620 --> 01:02:20.500 oneness and the fact that that place of one is being in him. 1025 01:02:20.500 --> 01:02:26.220 You're safe because you're loved by him as opposed to us not wanting to go to the oneness 1026 01:02:26.220 --> 01:02:33.460 and not wanting to, to, uh, you know, be aware of it because God himself makes us afraid, 1027 01:02:33.460 --> 01:02:36.860 you know, God himself scarcest, you know, like, uh, you know, I don't want to get too 1028 01:02:36.860 --> 01:02:42.140 close to him because, you know, you know, I don't want to be one with him or I don't 1029 01:02:42.140 --> 01:02:48.300 want to realize or be aware of my oneness with him because he, because I'm, I'm afraid 1030 01:02:48.300 --> 01:02:49.300 of him. 1031 01:02:49.300 --> 01:02:52.380 You know, so we have to realize, I don't know, we're fully loved. 1032 01:02:52.380 --> 01:02:56.460 We're not coming to a place of judgment or his wrath or his rejection. 1033 01:02:56.460 --> 01:03:00.900 So we're coming to his love and we have to realize that we're one and then live from 1034 01:03:00.900 --> 01:03:05.380 that place because that oneness, that union is rest. 1035 01:03:05.380 --> 01:03:09.220 That is the rest is the place of union. 1036 01:03:09.220 --> 01:03:13.100 So you could say that union is rest. 1037 01:03:13.100 --> 01:03:20.260 Rest is union in a manner of speaking, you know, the place of rest is, is God himself. 1038 01:03:20.260 --> 01:03:26.020 If you were to call God a place, he's not a place, he's a being, but being in that place 1039 01:03:26.020 --> 01:03:29.700 of God's being is rest. 1040 01:03:29.700 --> 01:03:34.820 So being in him, being unified from him, if you live from the union with him, you're at 1041 01:03:34.820 --> 01:03:35.820 rest. 1042 01:03:35.820 --> 01:03:37.820 If you live from the union with him, everything's effortless. 1043 01:03:37.820 --> 01:03:43.940 If you live from the union with him, he creates all of the outcomes and you are just, you 1044 01:03:43.940 --> 01:03:50.220 get to contribute to the ideas of how you and he want to live and you live with him. 1045 01:03:50.220 --> 01:03:54.700 You do actions and activities and you talk and you, and you meet people and you, you 1046 01:03:54.700 --> 01:03:59.260 know, make decisions and you come up with hobbies that you like, et cetera, but you 1047 01:03:59.260 --> 01:04:02.220 do everything together. 1048 01:04:02.220 --> 01:04:06.580 It's different than a marriage where he has his hobbies and you have yours. 1049 01:04:06.580 --> 01:04:11.340 Everything that you and God do is you living life together. 1050 01:04:11.340 --> 01:04:18.140 He's getting to experience life very uniquely through the fact that you're a woman of your 1051 01:04:18.140 --> 01:04:23.260 age living and working and doing what it is that you do. 1052 01:04:23.260 --> 01:04:29.500 He is having a life experience, but not through you, with you. 1053 01:04:29.500 --> 01:04:33.100 How do you, what hobbies do you and he want to have? 1054 01:04:33.100 --> 01:04:38.620 He's gets to experience life with you because he's in you while you're doing all of this 1055 01:04:38.620 --> 01:04:39.700 stuff. 1056 01:04:39.700 --> 01:04:46.260 So he has a say, you know, he, his opinion matters, you know, et cetera, because it's 1057 01:04:46.260 --> 01:04:51.580 not just you who's now getting, who's going to be doing it and just hoping that he's pleased 1058 01:04:51.580 --> 01:04:54.900 with how you do it and what choices you make. 1059 01:04:54.900 --> 01:05:00.020 It's both of you together, actually living and doing it together, living life together. 1060 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.480 But yeah, it all comes from identifying yourself, your sense of self as being one with God. 1061 01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:12.040 You abiding in him and him abiding in you. 1062 01:05:12.040 --> 01:05:14.600 Even God himself abides in you. 1063 01:05:14.600 --> 01:05:18.120 Both Jesus as well as God the Father, it says. 1064 01:05:18.120 --> 01:05:20.280 You know, Jesus mentioned that. 1065 01:05:20.280 --> 01:05:21.280 Yeah. 1066 01:05:21.280 --> 01:05:23.200 Does that make sense? 1067 01:05:23.200 --> 01:05:31.520 But more about like how we can live in union with him and have that sense, if you will, 1068 01:05:31.520 --> 01:05:36.680 all the time, not just in mountaintop moments. 1069 01:05:36.680 --> 01:05:43.860 It's the place in which you identify yourself, your sense of self and your sense of being 1070 01:05:43.860 --> 01:05:48.440 and who it is that you are is the connection point with him. 1071 01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:51.580 It's that, it's you being your father. 1072 01:05:51.580 --> 01:05:59.140 And so it's not just thinking that, you know, that it's true, correct, because, you know, 1073 01:05:59.140 --> 01:06:02.380 you try to wrap your mind around some of those things and you can't. 1074 01:06:02.380 --> 01:06:10.940 But so it's actually I don't know how to put it into words, but you're living out of it 1075 01:06:10.940 --> 01:06:15.820 and you're I guess you act on it. 1076 01:06:15.820 --> 01:06:20.580 I mean, yes, it's true, correct, so you act on it. 1077 01:06:20.580 --> 01:06:26.580 But and I mean, I suppose you have to consider in your mind and your heart that this is is 1078 01:06:26.580 --> 01:06:32.940 true and bring yourself back to it, just like you're talking about bringing yourself like 1079 01:06:32.940 --> 01:06:34.500 it during the day. 1080 01:06:34.500 --> 01:06:39.100 I am really loved by God, you know, reminding yourself. 1081 01:06:39.100 --> 01:06:44.640 So there's probably the thought, too, but it's more than that, isn't it? 1082 01:06:44.640 --> 01:06:50.960 More than just the union and yeah, yes. 1083 01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:57.200 That's why I was talking about choice as much as I was yesterday. 1084 01:06:57.200 --> 01:07:01.600 It's because we can't convince ourselves of something. 1085 01:07:01.600 --> 01:07:06.640 It's just it and expect to finally believe it to the point where it becomes faith and 1086 01:07:06.640 --> 01:07:08.000 we live it. 1087 01:07:08.000 --> 01:07:09.160 It just doesn't work like that. 1088 01:07:09.160 --> 01:07:14.600 We can try to convince ourselves all we want to, but if that what it is that we believe 1089 01:07:14.600 --> 01:07:20.000 deep down is eventually is actually truly how we're we're going to live, by the way, 1090 01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:21.000 are you good on time? 1091 01:07:21.000 --> 01:07:23.240 I'm fine on time, but I want to check on you. 1092 01:07:23.240 --> 01:07:29.960 Yeah, I'm fine, but I know you're I don't want you to, you know, no, don't worry. 1093 01:07:29.960 --> 01:07:30.960 No, I'm fine. 1094 01:07:30.960 --> 01:07:35.880 I guess I wanted to I wanted to, you know, at least just get get to a good resting spot, 1095 01:07:35.880 --> 01:07:37.840 but I wanted to make sure you're OK. 1096 01:07:37.840 --> 01:07:40.920 So and oh, but I forgot what I was saying. 1097 01:07:40.920 --> 01:07:41.920 What was I? 1098 01:07:41.920 --> 01:07:42.920 Oh, the choice. 1099 01:07:42.920 --> 01:07:48.200 So because we can't the whole thinking and trying to convince ourselves isn't going to 1100 01:07:48.200 --> 01:07:51.320 work to change our lives. 1101 01:07:51.320 --> 01:07:52.680 Because here's the thing. 1102 01:07:52.680 --> 01:07:56.020 We already all know this stuff, but we know it. 1103 01:07:56.020 --> 01:07:58.200 We can we tell it to ourselves. 1104 01:07:58.200 --> 01:07:59.280 We tell it to each other. 1105 01:07:59.280 --> 01:08:01.440 We teach Sunday school until the kids. 1106 01:08:01.440 --> 01:08:02.440 We all know it. 1107 01:08:02.440 --> 01:08:05.240 The problem is our lives don't look like it. 1108 01:08:05.240 --> 01:08:09.200 Our lives don't look like that's what we actually believe, because we would be doing 1109 01:08:09.200 --> 01:08:11.120 different things. 1110 01:08:11.120 --> 01:08:12.600 We'd be getting different results. 1111 01:08:12.600 --> 01:08:14.040 We'd be getting different outcomes. 1112 01:08:14.040 --> 01:08:15.800 God would be moving in a different way. 1113 01:08:15.800 --> 01:08:17.840 We would be experiencing God differently. 1114 01:08:17.840 --> 01:08:22.840 So apparently, even though we've convinced ourselves, we don't actually truly believe 1115 01:08:22.840 --> 01:08:26.020 it in our knower, you know. 1116 01:08:26.020 --> 01:08:31.319 So that's why I talked about the choice is we can't live vicariously through God's will. 1117 01:08:31.319 --> 01:08:34.279 Oh, do you have a dog? 1118 01:08:34.319 --> 01:08:35.319 Can you see her? 1119 01:08:35.319 --> 01:08:36.319 Yeah! 1120 01:08:36.319 --> 01:08:37.319 How fun! 1121 01:08:37.319 --> 01:08:38.840 She is. 1122 01:08:38.840 --> 01:08:42.720 She starts tearing, not tearing up, but the carpets. 1123 01:08:42.720 --> 01:08:46.319 Let me, just a second, I'll bring her over. 1124 01:08:46.319 --> 01:08:51.800 When she gets hungry, she starts messing with the throw rope. 1125 01:08:51.800 --> 01:08:52.800 Yes! 1126 01:08:52.800 --> 01:08:55.800 Oh, she's so cute! 1127 01:08:55.800 --> 01:08:59.600 She is my, she's my Helen Keller dog now. 1128 01:08:59.600 --> 01:09:00.600 Oh, really? 1129 01:09:00.600 --> 01:09:03.399 I think she's blind. 1130 01:09:03.520 --> 01:09:12.040 She doesn't have good eyes, and I don't think she can hear anymore, either. 1131 01:09:12.040 --> 01:09:14.240 Oh, sweet thing. 1132 01:09:14.240 --> 01:09:22.640 Well, it'd be hard, and you have to have so much trust to be blind and deaf and, you know, 1133 01:09:22.640 --> 01:09:26.720 be okay with all the stimulation of being like picked up and moved around. 1134 01:09:26.720 --> 01:09:29.720 You're going, I don't know what's going on, but I trust her. 1135 01:09:29.720 --> 01:09:32.720 Yeah, I don't want to be up here. 1136 01:09:33.040 --> 01:09:39.040 I used to have a little dog, and she was, she was my, she was my little companion. 1137 01:09:39.040 --> 01:09:44.040 Well, sorry to distract us, I just, I just noticed your dog, and I was like, oh, I didn't 1138 01:09:44.040 --> 01:09:45.040 know you had a dog. 1139 01:09:45.040 --> 01:09:52.319 But anyway, you know, James talks about the fact that faith without works is dead. 1140 01:09:52.319 --> 01:09:59.440 So if we're not acting like it, then it means that we don't actually, truly believe something. 1141 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.000 What frustrated me was, I was like, Lord, I am trying so hard to believe. 1142 01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:15.000 So, and I felt that belief was this feeling that it had to make sense to me. 1143 01:10:15.000 --> 01:10:19.000 Or in other words, to convince me and then that would shift me into faith. 1144 01:10:19.000 --> 01:10:28.000 Or that I felt a particular way because there's this particular feeling that we have associated in us when we believe something. 1145 01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:33.000 And that's what we always go to when we wonder, I wonder if I believe that. 1146 01:10:33.000 --> 01:10:40.000 And there's this place in us that kind of feels a particular way that we've connected with, oh, that means I believe it. 1147 01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:50.000 And it's fascinating how we've associated a particular feeling with indicating to us that we actually believe it. 1148 01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:59.000 But that feeling that we call belief or that indicates to us or that we've used to indicate to us or tell us that we believe it, 1149 01:10:59.000 --> 01:11:03.000 actually isn't faith and isn't necessary to have faith. 1150 01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:10.000 Faith is actually a choice of our will that something is true. 1151 01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:17.000 Not that we've been convinced or that we feel confident. 1152 01:11:17.000 --> 01:11:26.000 It's actually a willful decision that we're going to choose that as our truth. 1153 01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:31.000 You know how that's a big thing right now is, in fact, it especially was in the early 2000s. 1154 01:11:31.000 --> 01:11:36.000 It's like, what is your truth and whatever, and how we all just kind of disregarded it. 1155 01:11:36.000 --> 01:11:46.000 However, it's actually a powerful way for me to help to describe to people the difference between how we've just been kind of laying there, 1156 01:11:46.000 --> 01:11:59.000 just expecting to be convinced of something without us engaging, that it's just going to come upon us. 1157 01:11:59.000 --> 01:12:02.000 And why won't God help? You know, God, I want to believe. 1158 01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:08.000 So surely my willingness will eventually cause me eventually one day to wake up believing. 1159 01:12:08.000 --> 01:12:14.000 Well, that hasn't happened. Or, OK, well, God, you know, surely then I'll be convinced. 1160 01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:20.000 I just need to hear enough teachings from the right people where it finally clicks. 1161 01:12:20.000 --> 01:12:25.000 And then and then I have faith, you know, then I believe it, then it makes sense. 1162 01:12:26.000 --> 01:12:30.000 Or, Lord, you know, you're just going to cause me to believe it one day. 1163 01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:41.000 All of those things in a manner of speaking don't require us to engage, don't require us to choose God, and don't require us to choose the truth. 1164 01:12:41.000 --> 01:12:49.000 So a way to kind of help us know the difference between what it is that we're used to doing and approaching the Lord going, 1165 01:12:49.000 --> 01:12:59.000 OK, God, I'm trying to believe you, versus what God really wants is to choose that what he says is going to be our truth. 1166 01:12:59.000 --> 01:13:03.000 And it sounds really weird because we don't use that phrase in Christianity. 1167 01:13:03.000 --> 01:13:07.000 We don't use that phrase in the church. That's what, like, not the New Agers. 1168 01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:17.000 Who are those people? But just, I don't know, the people who believe that that truth is like this very subjective thing and not an objective thing. 1169 01:13:17.000 --> 01:13:23.000 And so I know that it's not a phrase that we're used to hearing that we're used to hearing in these in these terms. 1170 01:13:23.000 --> 01:13:37.000 But I believe that it helps us kind of get over our own our own hurdle of and to try to understand how what part we can play in that God requires of us to play. 1171 01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:46.000 In other words, that faith requires of us in order to finally believe we have to engage our will. 1172 01:13:46.000 --> 01:13:51.000 So God says that there is a particular truth. I wish I had something here. I'll use this. 1173 01:13:51.000 --> 01:13:56.000 I don't think that you can see that. So you still can't see that. OK, so God says, OK, I can see. 1174 01:13:56.000 --> 01:14:00.000 OK, so let me do this. So God says, like, OK, this is the truth. 1175 01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:03.000 And then just pretend, you know, and then he takes his hand off of it. Right. 1176 01:14:03.000 --> 01:14:08.000 And he's like, this is what I say is true. Let me do this, because this you can see. 1177 01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:12.000 There we go. So God puts it there and he says, this is what's true. 1178 01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:16.000 And he puts it there. He takes his hand off and he goes away. 1179 01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:20.000 He says, this is what I choose, Ashley. This is who I am. 1180 01:14:20.000 --> 01:14:25.000 I am good or I am provider. I am your safety or whatever. He takes his hand off and moves away. 1181 01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:29.000 And now he asks you and then he asks us, OK, now what do you say is true? 1182 01:14:29.000 --> 01:14:33.000 Because you could choose this or you could choose this. 1183 01:14:33.000 --> 01:14:37.000 You know, which one are you going to choose? And I can't put them both on the computer because it'll fall down. 1184 01:14:38.000 --> 01:14:42.000 Anyway, so you'll ask, which one do you choose? There's different truths. 1185 01:14:42.000 --> 01:14:49.000 You can't live vicariously through. He says, Ashley, you cannot live vicariously through my will. 1186 01:14:49.000 --> 01:14:52.000 You can't live vicariously through my truth. 1187 01:14:52.000 --> 01:15:00.000 Just because I say it's true does not mean that you're going to get to experience that truth manifest into your life. 1188 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.640 You're the one who has to take the risk to choose that in your world, in your kingdom, 1189 01:15:04.640 --> 01:15:11.700 by your authority of what's allowed to, of how reality works in your, I don't know, in 1190 01:15:11.700 --> 01:15:15.160 your existence, which one do you say is true? 1191 01:15:15.160 --> 01:15:21.240 And what I want you to do is I want you to choose that what I say is true really is what's 1192 01:15:21.240 --> 01:15:22.960 going to be true in your life. 1193 01:15:22.960 --> 01:15:29.520 You choose that this is that you give authority to this truth to be the highest truth, as 1194 01:15:29.520 --> 01:15:32.840 opposed to the world's truth that they've presented. 1195 01:15:32.840 --> 01:15:34.280 You've got to make a choice. 1196 01:15:34.280 --> 01:15:36.560 Which one are you going to live by? 1197 01:15:36.560 --> 01:15:42.240 Which one are, which rule or which law are we going to live by my kingdom? 1198 01:15:42.240 --> 01:15:45.560 You know, by the kingdom of heaven, or are you going to choose to live by the kingdom 1199 01:15:45.560 --> 01:15:46.880 of the world? 1200 01:15:46.880 --> 01:15:52.200 Which kingdom are you giving authority and precedence to? 1201 01:15:52.200 --> 01:15:53.200 That's not the right word. 1202 01:15:53.200 --> 01:15:59.240 There's another word, not precedence, but maybe it is precedent. 1203 01:16:00.240 --> 01:16:04.680 Anyway, meaning coming first, precedence, I don't know, I can't think of the word. 1204 01:16:04.680 --> 01:16:10.560 Anyway, that it comes, yeah, that it's like the head above the body, you know, it comes 1205 01:16:10.560 --> 01:16:15.640 first and it means that they both are existing at the same time, but which one, if they're 1206 01:16:15.640 --> 01:16:18.040 in conflict, is going to win? 1207 01:16:18.040 --> 01:16:22.360 And you choose that this one will be, that this is the truth by which you're going to 1208 01:16:22.360 --> 01:16:28.560 operate, that God is going to be there, create your outcomes and that you aren't, as opposed 1209 01:16:28.560 --> 01:16:32.680 to you create your outcomes or whatever, or God says, Ashley, I declare to you that 1210 01:16:32.680 --> 01:16:40.360 I am good, but in order for me to manifest my goodness into your life, that I am good 1211 01:16:40.360 --> 01:16:43.960 and you don't get to choose what goodness looks like because goodness in Jesus's life 1212 01:16:43.960 --> 01:16:45.600 looked like he died. 1213 01:16:45.600 --> 01:16:50.720 So, you know, and die that horrible death, you know, so you don't get to choose what 1214 01:16:50.720 --> 01:16:55.000 my goodness manifested into your life and into your world, into the kingdom of your 1215 01:16:55.000 --> 01:17:03.240 existence looks like, but which, but what truth are you going to give authority to? 1216 01:17:03.240 --> 01:17:08.080 And you say, God, I choose this one, but you have, so we can't to, just because God says 1217 01:17:08.080 --> 01:17:15.080 he's good, doesn't mean that we get to experience him like that because we're the ones that 1218 01:17:15.080 --> 01:17:22.160 God gives the authority to give him permission of how he chooses to, about how he shows up. 1219 01:17:22.160 --> 01:17:27.200 Are we going to allow him to be himself with us or are we not? 1220 01:17:27.200 --> 01:17:31.800 So are, and so anyway, just because God says that he's something, and just because he says 1221 01:17:31.800 --> 01:17:36.140 that you're something, doesn't mean that you get to experience it. 1222 01:17:36.140 --> 01:17:37.140 He gave it to you already. 1223 01:17:37.140 --> 01:17:38.140 He's like, here it is. 1224 01:17:38.140 --> 01:17:42.680 He's like, and this is what I choose, but what do you choose? 1225 01:17:42.680 --> 01:17:47.800 So in order for us to experience it, we have to choose it ourselves, meaning that we have 1226 01:17:47.800 --> 01:17:49.320 to engage with it. 1227 01:17:49.320 --> 01:17:51.760 We have to decide of our own free will. 1228 01:17:51.760 --> 01:17:57.680 What are we going to give authority to in our kingdom to affect it, to cause things 1229 01:17:57.680 --> 01:17:58.680 to happen? 1230 01:17:58.680 --> 01:18:01.040 And we can choose this truth. 1231 01:18:01.040 --> 01:18:04.680 The reason why people don't like this truth is because it means they don't have control 1232 01:18:04.680 --> 01:18:09.080 of the outcome, but it also means that they don't carry the burden, weight, and the responsibility 1233 01:18:09.080 --> 01:18:13.000 of it either, but they don't get to control it and determine it either. 1234 01:18:13.000 --> 01:18:18.040 They get to co-counsel with the Lord about it, about the, about the results and the, 1235 01:18:18.040 --> 01:18:19.760 and the outcomes and, and whatever. 1236 01:18:19.760 --> 01:18:22.440 And sometimes God says, Hey, I like your idea. 1237 01:18:22.440 --> 01:18:23.440 Let's do that. 1238 01:18:23.440 --> 01:18:29.220 But we're not in complete control and this doesn't allow formula. 1239 01:18:29.220 --> 01:18:33.400 It doesn't allow a plug and play of like, I want that result and therefore I'm going 1240 01:18:33.400 --> 01:18:35.360 to do it exactly like this. 1241 01:18:35.360 --> 01:18:37.000 And I can control the outcome. 1242 01:18:37.000 --> 01:18:41.000 God says, you don't get to do that anymore like this, but anyway, and that's why sometimes 1243 01:18:41.000 --> 01:18:46.760 people don't choose it, but it's that whole idea of God giving, putting a truth down in 1244 01:18:46.760 --> 01:18:51.440 front of us, backing off and saying, okay, now you choose. 1245 01:18:51.440 --> 01:18:56.440 We have to reach out and make the decision ourselves so that if, and it's a risk, because 1246 01:18:56.440 --> 01:18:57.920 what if this doesn't work? 1247 01:18:57.920 --> 01:19:00.360 God didn't make it to make us choose it. 1248 01:19:00.360 --> 01:19:02.240 He didn't force it on us. 1249 01:19:02.240 --> 01:19:07.920 We chose it, which is why we don't want to do it because we're like, but it, because 1250 01:19:07.920 --> 01:19:09.320 we all say that we trust the Lord. 1251 01:19:09.320 --> 01:19:14.340 We all say it because we know we're supposed to trust the Lord, but there's a reason why 1252 01:19:14.460 --> 01:19:18.300 God wants us to, that there's a reason why we're afraid of him. 1253 01:19:18.300 --> 01:19:22.140 There's a reason why we're concerned that, yeah, but God, are you going to cause me, 1254 01:19:22.140 --> 01:19:27.060 are you going to, are you going to allow pain or you can allow this or you can allow that? 1255 01:19:27.060 --> 01:19:33.340 And we think, and there's reasons why historically by experience that we don't trust him, you 1256 01:19:33.340 --> 01:19:34.340 know, et cetera. 1257 01:19:34.340 --> 01:19:35.340 So we just have to make the choice. 1258 01:19:35.340 --> 01:19:40.460 No, I'm going to choose that he, to allow him to be who he wants to be and who he declares 1259 01:19:40.500 --> 01:19:41.500 that he is. 1260 01:19:41.500 --> 01:19:44.340 But we have to do it of our own free will. 1261 01:19:44.340 --> 01:19:45.940 We have to choose him. 1262 01:19:45.940 --> 01:19:47.340 So we can't live vicarious. 1263 01:19:47.340 --> 01:19:50.660 So that's what I mean when I say we can't live vicariously through God's choice and 1264 01:19:50.660 --> 01:19:51.660 God's will. 1265 01:19:51.660 --> 01:19:52.660 God says, this is my choice. 1266 01:19:52.660 --> 01:19:53.860 This is my will. 1267 01:19:53.860 --> 01:19:57.480 This is how, this is who I am. 1268 01:19:57.480 --> 01:19:58.980 So who do you want? 1269 01:19:58.980 --> 01:19:59.980 Who do you want to allow? 1270 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:08.640 me to be within your realm of authority, which means your life, you here on earth, your creation, 1271 01:20:08.640 --> 01:20:13.000 you know, your kingdom, you know, cause he gave, it says that the heavens are the Lord's 1272 01:20:13.000 --> 01:20:14.520 and the earth was given to man. 1273 01:20:14.520 --> 01:20:18.600 It says that I think it's in Psalms and says the earth was given to man. 1274 01:20:18.600 --> 01:20:24.200 So the earth is ours, your world is yours, meaning like your lifestyle, your, your job 1275 01:20:24.200 --> 01:20:25.200 or whatever. 1276 01:20:25.200 --> 01:20:30.840 And so, you know, we, we have to, we have to choose, is this what we're going to give 1277 01:20:30.840 --> 01:20:31.920 the authority to? 1278 01:20:31.920 --> 01:20:35.760 Is this what, are we going to allow him to be this in our, in our kingdom? 1279 01:20:35.760 --> 01:20:37.340 Because we're the gatekeeper. 1280 01:20:37.340 --> 01:20:40.700 So that's what our choice is doing is it's opening, it's making a decision to open the 1281 01:20:40.700 --> 01:20:46.840 gate where we're now vulnerable to, we don't know how he's going to be who he is in our 1282 01:20:46.840 --> 01:20:47.840 realm. 1283 01:20:47.840 --> 01:20:50.480 So that's what that choice is. 1284 01:20:50.480 --> 01:20:52.740 And it's the same thing with the union thing. 1285 01:20:52.740 --> 01:20:57.500 We have to, we can't, aren't going to be convinced of it to the point where all of a sudden, 1286 01:20:57.500 --> 01:21:01.340 oh my word, I just, I just believe it now and I just live it and I just acted all the 1287 01:21:01.340 --> 01:21:02.340 time. 1288 01:21:02.340 --> 01:21:08.780 The faith requires, no, I'm going to give it permission that in my world I am unified 1289 01:21:08.780 --> 01:21:12.740 with Christ and therefore meaning I get to, I will operate out of that. 1290 01:21:12.740 --> 01:21:16.020 We're unified with Christ, whether or not we agree with that, meaning like whether or 1291 01:21:16.020 --> 01:21:21.540 not we allow it to operate in our kingdom, but we don't get to receive the benefits of 1292 01:21:21.540 --> 01:21:27.540 it unless we allow the benefits of it into our realm, kind of a thing. 1293 01:21:27.540 --> 01:21:29.420 That's the choice that we're making. 1294 01:21:29.420 --> 01:21:36.420 We're not making a, we're not making a decree that a brand new truth in the universe exists. 1295 01:21:36.420 --> 01:21:40.700 God's saying, no, no, no, I'm the one who dictates the truth and I'm telling you which 1296 01:21:40.700 --> 01:21:41.700 ones there are. 1297 01:21:41.700 --> 01:21:45.020 And there's this one, there's also this one. 1298 01:21:45.020 --> 01:21:46.260 So you've got choices here. 1299 01:21:46.260 --> 01:21:48.580 Do you choose this or not? 1300 01:21:48.620 --> 01:21:52.900 So I'm not going to make you choose it, but you don't get to create your own truth. 1301 01:21:52.900 --> 01:21:57.660 You just get to pick which ones I, which ones I've created, you can operate within me or 1302 01:21:57.660 --> 01:21:58.660 outside of me. 1303 01:21:58.660 --> 01:22:00.380 Which one do you want it to be? 1304 01:22:00.380 --> 01:22:03.140 So that helpful at all? 1305 01:22:03.140 --> 01:22:05.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1306 01:22:05.100 --> 01:22:11.380 You know, for years I have read books, you know, I've been, you know, in searching for 1307 01:22:11.380 --> 01:22:17.180 truth and understanding, but, and I did learn, you know, and some of the time I think it 1308 01:22:17.180 --> 01:22:23.740 was God pointing out insights to me, but it's funny how now I don't, I buy, I still 1309 01:22:23.740 --> 01:22:24.740 buy books. 1310 01:22:24.740 --> 01:22:32.020 I collect, I'm a collector of books now and I don't, I don't read very much. 1311 01:22:32.020 --> 01:22:35.940 Yeah, me neither these days. 1312 01:22:35.940 --> 01:22:43.540 And it's kind of interesting because, um, yeah. 1313 01:22:43.540 --> 01:22:50.180 And I don't, I mean, I don't partly, I don't have the time or the energy, you know, after 1314 01:22:50.180 --> 01:22:54.380 work, um, it's kind of hard to get into a book. 1315 01:22:54.380 --> 01:22:59.860 I mean, sometimes I read, but, um, yeah, it's just kind of interesting. 1316 01:22:59.860 --> 01:23:09.100 I have all these books, you know, I'm living in a room and I have back there books in drawers, 1317 01:23:09.100 --> 01:23:10.980 books all over. 1318 01:23:10.980 --> 01:23:18.500 And, you know, I'm thinking, well, I'm probably not going to read a lot of these, but when 1319 01:23:18.500 --> 01:23:22.300 I hear the title or something, I think, oh, that's going to be good. 1320 01:23:22.300 --> 01:23:23.300 Yeah. 1321 01:23:23.300 --> 01:23:26.820 And I just don't read like I used to. 1322 01:23:26.820 --> 01:23:28.260 It's kind of, yeah. 1323 01:23:28.260 --> 01:23:30.660 Have you found that at all? 1324 01:23:30.660 --> 01:23:37.860 Oh, yeah, it's, um, uh, because we're, we're so used to this, this sense that knowledge 1325 01:23:37.860 --> 01:23:42.220 is power, you know, that I want a particular life. 1326 01:23:42.220 --> 01:23:46.420 And if I learn about all of these things and it's going to change my life and I'm going 1327 01:23:46.420 --> 01:23:48.900 to get the life I want or whatever. 1328 01:23:48.900 --> 01:23:54.020 So a lot of times, especially when collecting books, whether or not we read them, so whether 1329 01:23:54.020 --> 01:23:57.740 people read them or they don't read them, they collect them because they collect them 1330 01:23:57.740 --> 01:24:06.500 out of hope that, that, uh, they, they, what determines what we buy is the type of person 1331 01:24:06.500 --> 01:24:10.940 that we're hoping to be, we're hoping to become, we're hoping to whatever. 1332 01:24:10.940 --> 01:24:13.220 And that gives us hope. 1333 01:24:13.220 --> 01:24:16.580 That gives us something that it's inspiring. 1334 01:24:16.580 --> 01:24:17.580 It's exciting. 1335 01:24:17.580 --> 01:24:23.060 In fact, there's a lot of books that I still have that I know that that's why I'm keeping 1336 01:24:23.060 --> 01:24:24.060 them. 1337 01:24:24.060 --> 01:24:28.940 In fact, there's some, there's some actual physical things that I have, like beyond books 1338 01:24:28.940 --> 01:24:34.540 that are like other material things that are old hobbies that I had, or I've done it once 1339 01:24:34.540 --> 01:24:36.940 or something that I want to do or whatever. 1340 01:24:36.940 --> 01:24:41.980 And I've gotten rid of most things, um, but there are a few things that I've held onto 1341 01:24:41.980 --> 01:24:45.660 and I've been so surprised thinking, actually, you know, you're probably because of the amount 1342 01:24:45.660 --> 01:24:48.300 of time that such and such a hobby takes, you know, you're probably not going to do 1343 01:24:48.300 --> 01:24:49.300 it again. 1344 01:24:49.300 --> 01:24:52.980 I'm like, yes, but it's a part of me that I like. 1345 01:24:52.980 --> 01:24:58.860 And it's a part of me that whenever I look at the thing, even if I may not do it, you 1346 01:24:58.860 --> 01:25:00.060 know, do that thing. 1347 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.640 and express myself in that way, that it symbolizes 1348 01:25:04.640 --> 01:25:06.680 and kind of like a rock of remembrance 1349 01:25:06.680 --> 01:25:10.760 and a connection point to that part of myself 1350 01:25:10.760 --> 01:25:13.680 that I'm just not expressing right now. 1351 01:25:13.680 --> 01:25:17.840 And so it's something about myself that I like 1352 01:25:17.840 --> 01:25:22.560 and that I'm, I don't wanna say that I'm hoping for, 1353 01:25:22.560 --> 01:25:26.920 but that it's an aspect of myself that I enjoy so much 1354 01:25:26.920 --> 01:25:30.760 that I do want to allow it to develop. 1355 01:25:30.760 --> 01:25:32.040 I'm not quite sure yet, 1356 01:25:32.040 --> 01:25:33.900 because there's so many other aspects of me 1357 01:25:33.900 --> 01:25:35.560 that are being developed right now. 1358 01:25:35.560 --> 01:25:38.560 I'm not sure when that part of me is going to be developed, 1359 01:25:38.560 --> 01:25:41.000 but it's a part of me that I, that God has, 1360 01:25:41.000 --> 01:25:45.080 it's a part of God in me is what it feels like 1361 01:25:45.080 --> 01:25:47.040 that I thoroughly appreciate. 1362 01:25:47.040 --> 01:25:50.400 And that at least for me, I rarely even, 1363 01:25:50.400 --> 01:25:51.240 some of these things, 1364 01:25:51.240 --> 01:25:53.440 because I can like some very unusual things 1365 01:25:53.840 --> 01:25:56.880 and are very uncommon things, 1366 01:25:56.880 --> 01:26:01.440 is it's a part of God that I see in myself 1367 01:26:01.440 --> 01:26:03.800 that I don't get to see elsewhere. 1368 01:26:03.800 --> 01:26:06.680 And I like it, you know, I really enjoy it. 1369 01:26:06.680 --> 01:26:10.020 I really like engaging with the Lord in that particular way 1370 01:26:10.020 --> 01:26:12.600 and expressing myself in that particular way or whatever. 1371 01:26:12.600 --> 01:26:15.080 And books can be that, 1372 01:26:15.080 --> 01:26:17.200 whether it's about books about the Lord 1373 01:26:17.200 --> 01:26:20.240 or about, or about, you know, or not about the Lord. 1374 01:26:20.240 --> 01:26:21.200 And it could be about like, 1375 01:26:21.200 --> 01:26:23.840 it could be fiction books or nonfiction books or whatnot. 1376 01:26:23.840 --> 01:26:27.320 There's some aspect of ourselves that we either, 1377 01:26:27.320 --> 01:26:29.000 that we feel that it either, 1378 01:26:30.520 --> 01:26:34.800 that we have seen that resonates with who it is 1379 01:26:34.800 --> 01:26:37.320 that we feel that we've already come in contact with 1380 01:26:37.320 --> 01:26:38.840 and touched with. 1381 01:26:38.840 --> 01:26:41.760 And then there's also this part in which 1382 01:26:41.760 --> 01:26:45.520 we feel that there's some seed in there 1383 01:26:45.520 --> 01:26:48.760 and we'd like to see it developed, you know, 1384 01:26:48.760 --> 01:26:52.920 and we feel that that book gives us a hope 1385 01:26:52.920 --> 01:26:56.120 or a connection point of that aspect of us 1386 01:26:56.120 --> 01:26:58.400 being developed and matured over time. 1387 01:26:58.400 --> 01:26:59.860 And so, yeah. 1388 01:26:59.860 --> 01:27:01.800 So anyway, that's how I view a lot of the books 1389 01:27:01.800 --> 01:27:02.640 that I have right now. 1390 01:27:02.640 --> 01:27:04.360 I'm realizing, well, you know, 1391 01:27:04.360 --> 01:27:06.480 it's not like I think I'm gonna read those anymore, 1392 01:27:06.480 --> 01:27:08.840 but it gives me, and so sometimes I'm just like, 1393 01:27:08.840 --> 01:27:11.000 you know what, if I'm really not gonna read that one, 1394 01:27:11.000 --> 01:27:13.720 I bought it and I've literally never read it, 1395 01:27:13.720 --> 01:27:15.920 I think I can go ahead and give this one away 1396 01:27:15.920 --> 01:27:18.640 or, you know, and move on to something else 1397 01:27:19.520 --> 01:27:20.480 and be more inspired in the moment 1398 01:27:20.480 --> 01:27:23.480 to read a book that I need right now, 1399 01:27:23.480 --> 01:27:25.400 that I come in contact with, you know, 1400 01:27:25.400 --> 01:27:26.840 at like the right time, 1401 01:27:26.840 --> 01:27:28.120 instead of holding on to something 1402 01:27:28.120 --> 01:27:29.600 and waiting for the right time, 1403 01:27:29.600 --> 01:27:31.120 why not just expand, 1404 01:27:31.120 --> 01:27:33.920 why not just be free in my energy 1405 01:27:33.920 --> 01:27:35.560 that I have in my time available 1406 01:27:35.560 --> 01:27:39.520 that when I'm in a moment and I'm presented with a book, 1407 01:27:39.520 --> 01:27:41.400 I just start reading that one right now 1408 01:27:41.400 --> 01:27:43.120 because that's where I am right now, 1409 01:27:43.120 --> 01:27:45.880 as opposed to waiting so long for like this other time 1410 01:27:45.920 --> 01:27:48.520 to come around for me being inspired over there. 1411 01:27:48.520 --> 01:27:50.520 And then there are other times I'm like, you know, 1412 01:27:50.520 --> 01:27:52.960 I don't know when or if I'll ever read it, 1413 01:27:52.960 --> 01:27:54.920 but I do wanna hold on to it right now 1414 01:27:54.920 --> 01:27:56.440 because there's an aspect of me 1415 01:27:56.440 --> 01:27:59.640 and of what I desire between me and the Lord 1416 01:27:59.640 --> 01:28:04.160 to express of the two of us that I eventually wanna see. 1417 01:28:04.160 --> 01:28:06.360 And so I hold on to it for a while. 1418 01:28:06.360 --> 01:28:11.360 So anyway, but I choose me instead of the books 1419 01:28:11.920 --> 01:28:14.680 in a manner of, in a way, 1420 01:28:14.680 --> 01:28:17.280 so that I don't look at books 1421 01:28:17.280 --> 01:28:20.440 as a way to make myself feel bad 1422 01:28:20.440 --> 01:28:22.840 or make myself feel like in a place of lack. 1423 01:28:22.840 --> 01:28:24.920 Like, oh, I'm not there yet. 1424 01:28:25.840 --> 01:28:28.480 Those types of books are very negative to me 1425 01:28:28.480 --> 01:28:31.520 and those I get rid of because they are, 1426 01:28:31.520 --> 01:28:35.040 choose that they prompt me to see myself 1427 01:28:35.040 --> 01:28:36.600 from a place of lack. 1428 01:28:36.600 --> 01:28:39.240 Like, oh, that's somewhere that I wish I were, 1429 01:28:39.240 --> 01:28:41.160 but I'm not yet. 1430 01:28:41.160 --> 01:28:42.600 That's coming out of agreement with the Lord. 1431 01:28:42.600 --> 01:28:44.240 And I'm like, no, I don't want any of that. 1432 01:28:44.760 --> 01:28:46.200 If that's gonna trigger me to do that, 1433 01:28:46.200 --> 01:28:48.960 it triggered me to perceive things like that 1434 01:28:48.960 --> 01:28:52.600 because that book can't get me where I wanna go. 1435 01:28:52.600 --> 01:28:54.160 Only God can. 1436 01:28:54.160 --> 01:28:56.720 And sure, God can talk to me through the book, 1437 01:28:56.720 --> 01:29:01.240 but if that book makes me feel bad about myself now, 1438 01:29:01.240 --> 01:29:04.280 and then, you know, that I'm looking at that book 1439 01:29:04.280 --> 01:29:09.280 as something outside of God that can, 1440 01:29:10.280 --> 01:29:14.880 that has something, how would you put it? 1441 01:29:14.880 --> 01:29:18.040 That I'm giving more power than I am to God. 1442 01:29:18.040 --> 01:29:20.840 Like that book can get me where I wanna go. 1443 01:29:20.840 --> 01:29:23.960 And because it's there and I haven't read it yet, 1444 01:29:23.960 --> 01:29:26.120 I'm in lack and oh yeah, I'm not there yet. 1445 01:29:26.120 --> 01:29:29.040 And anyway, so that kind of negativity 1446 01:29:29.040 --> 01:29:32.120 and that kind of those types of promptings within me, 1447 01:29:32.120 --> 01:29:35.880 I pay attention to and I usually get rid of those books 1448 01:29:35.920 --> 01:29:39.600 because I'm like, nope, I choose that I and the Lord 1449 01:29:39.600 --> 01:29:44.240 am fine and I only keep the books that I am inspired by 1450 01:29:44.240 --> 01:29:49.080 and that I feel are in line with and draw me, 1451 01:29:49.080 --> 01:29:53.520 just expand me into more of who I already am. 1452 01:29:54.600 --> 01:29:55.560 And so in other words, 1453 01:29:55.560 --> 01:29:59.720 books that I'm not triggered to approach myself. 1454 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.800 in lack run so anyway that's what i try to do i'm not always successful but 1455 01:30:06.560 --> 01:30:10.720 anyway that's how i try to do it but yeah it took me a while 1456 01:30:12.960 --> 01:30:19.200 well is there anything else before we jump off i don't think so not not for now i mean i have 1457 01:30:19.200 --> 01:30:27.920 other sessions with you yes but you're doing good what's that but you're doing good yeah yeah okay 1458 01:30:27.920 --> 01:30:33.040 good good i wanted to check and make sure i always enjoy reading your posts and everything 1459 01:30:33.040 --> 01:30:39.360 so um i just wanted to make make sure you're more uh you're more quiet and more self-processing than 1460 01:30:39.360 --> 01:30:43.440 a lot of other people in the group and so i just wanted to make sure you're doing all right and 1461 01:30:43.440 --> 01:30:48.320 that you have what you need feel free to jump in and ask questions if you have questions so 1462 01:30:49.360 --> 01:30:56.480 i really do not like anyone to feel like they ever i don't ever want anyone to kind of like fall off 1463 01:30:56.480 --> 01:31:04.960 the radar because they like uh they get lost in the crowd just because other people you know post 1464 01:31:04.960 --> 01:31:10.560 more often or whatever and so i i get in contact with them more often i'm like i don't want anyone 1465 01:31:10.560 --> 01:31:14.480 to be left behind so i always want to check in with the even people that are a little more quiet 1466 01:31:14.480 --> 01:31:22.080 and self-processing do you have what you need do you have any questions yeah i am fine yeah okay 1467 01:31:22.160 --> 01:31:28.960 great yeah well you're enjoying really enjoying it yeah i'm so glad i'm so glad really enjoying 1468 01:31:28.960 --> 01:31:34.240 it enjoying the people yeah they're sweet aren't they i really like them i'm very 1469 01:31:34.240 --> 01:31:41.200 very careful about who i have in the in the group and and and that um i'm yeah these are very 1470 01:31:41.200 --> 01:31:47.760 special people it's a good group isn't it though i really like these yeah yeah 1471 01:31:48.000 --> 01:31:53.840 all right yeah well it's good to get to visit with you christine let me know how everything 1472 01:31:53.840 --> 01:32:04.240 goes with um uh with uh your your meeting on friday because it is with the person who would 1473 01:32:04.240 --> 01:32:09.040 be your radiologist themselves right your radial oncologist is that what you call them 1474 01:32:09.760 --> 01:32:14.720 okay i guess yeah they're called i guess they're called radiation oncologists but okay radiation 1475 01:32:14.720 --> 01:32:20.880 oncologists and i guess they're the ones that do the you know radiation therapy yeah yeah yeah 1476 01:32:20.880 --> 01:32:29.040 and it's how long how many weeks three weeks at least that's what my surgeon said three weeks 1477 01:32:29.040 --> 01:32:37.680 every day five days a week okay yeah okay all right well i have a couple of friends here in 1478 01:32:37.680 --> 01:32:43.600 the building who are um you know that i live with around and uh that are going through radiation 1479 01:32:43.600 --> 01:32:50.240 right now one of them they're finishing their last one on i think the first week of november she has 1480 01:32:51.680 --> 01:32:59.440 uh hers is breast cancer the other ladies is i'm trying to remember which one hers is because 1481 01:32:59.440 --> 01:33:05.200 this is her second bout with it um just like yours and so therefore it's in a different place 1482 01:33:05.200 --> 01:33:09.600 i know she has tumors in her stomach that's all i know but i didn't think that that was the original 1483 01:33:09.600 --> 01:33:15.280 location of the of the cancer so that's why i was very surprised to just to find out she has 1484 01:33:15.280 --> 01:33:20.400 she has tumors in her stomach and so there's a lot of fluid that's building up that she has to go in 1485 01:33:20.400 --> 01:33:26.320 sometimes and have drained you know at the er whatever and she's always so cheerful and so sweet 1486 01:33:26.320 --> 01:33:34.080 and always has um always looking at it from such a a a very you know cheerful and positive and 1487 01:33:34.080 --> 01:33:41.360 faithful disposition but she is she's just really really very um very tired this is like i said this 1488 01:33:41.360 --> 01:33:46.880 is her second time going through it and it's really hard it's been very hard on her body 1489 01:33:46.880 --> 01:33:53.040 but on this other lady it hasn't been very it hasn't been nearly as hard and she was all prepared 1490 01:33:53.040 --> 01:33:58.320 for it to be a lot worse but you know she's just been praying about it and the lord's just made it 1491 01:33:58.640 --> 01:34:04.800 made her journey easier than our friends so the two of them talk together and and and whatever 1492 01:34:04.800 --> 01:34:10.240 but anyway so i'm i've got like people that i like physically am seeing and asking questions 1493 01:34:10.240 --> 01:34:14.320 of like so how do you assure radiation going and how many more weeks do you have 1494 01:34:15.120 --> 01:34:21.040 and um their their bodies are handling it differently but they're both very faith-filled 1495 01:34:21.040 --> 01:34:26.240 and believing the lord for healing and all of that and so and then i have you that i'm praying for 1496 01:34:26.320 --> 01:34:33.040 and and casey and everything so yeah yeah thank you yeah very much appreciated 1497 01:34:33.600 --> 01:34:39.120 yeah yeah well please let me know how it goes on friday like that it whether you liked the 1498 01:34:39.120 --> 01:34:45.440 doctor how you felt and felt comfortable with them or whatever so yeah yeah well good yeah 1499 01:34:45.440 --> 01:34:53.040 well it was good to see you you're welcome i'll see you tomorrow night yeah right okay bye bye 1500 01:34:56.240 --> 01:34:57.280 you