WEBVTT

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Okay.

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Hey guys.

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Hey, Nick.

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Well, no.

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It doesn't say you're muted.

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Oh, it did. Okay. That's why.

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I couldn't hear you.

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How y'all doing.

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Oh, there we go. I, I muted him.

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We're hanging in there and we're definitely.

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Yeah, thankful but we're eating outside, but no, I'm sorry. Yeah, we both read and what you wrote which I appreciate you sending and you know ahead of time and we, you're more than welcome to just tell us on here but you know, having the

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heads up, you know, just gives us more time to be able to talk about stuff.

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So, um, I, you said that there were some developments that happened this morning where some more stuff came up and so what, how are y'all feeling and thinking about things right now.

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You're unsure.

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Yeah, it's been a whirlwind so I don't know what all she had shared but with the started, you know, last Thursday night and the Friday of our girls father harassed us on Friday night upon pickup called the cops on us, and then called the cops on us

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during our parents time Saturday night.

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Just to check in, quote unquote, the girls.

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He took one of them out of school on Monday that he's concerned about having a celiac disease which has been disproven and we just learned from her teacher tonight that she suspect maybe an ulcer from stress, so it might be something that he is causing and

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just flipping out and going crazy on.

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So now he has served emergency orders with today this afternoon he was holding the girls.

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On my youngest daughter on Monday.

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And that was the third time the police were involved, but then that's when I had said that night, you know, please pray and we're trying to discern whether we should get an order of protection or what to do because the police were saying, do this right multiple police

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were saying, take them to court get an order of protection. But then we heard the Lord say, again, stand down stand still.

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And let me fight for you and see the salvation of the Lord and all these things you know basically to not fight back and to not cause more turmoil because the girls are suffering.

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I mean, we're most concerned for their, you know, emotional, spiritual, physical well being and if we were to do that, they would then feel all of this, even more, and it would be detrimental to them and so the Lord knows he's doing something behind the scenes.

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So we felt peace on that. And then he was threatening to take them away, as in like you're not going to see them anymore and all this when we were at the last police incident.

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And he kept my daughter out of school now five days without telling me.

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So it's like truancy at this point she's nine. And then today he filed a motion with the court saying that the girls aren't able to be with me because of my mental health.

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And now it's back to she's crazy she's unfit and it's, you know, I mean, in the past it's like he caused me to go down with my mental health and I've shared that with you.

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And I took responsibility for that and ownership over that and have worked with the Lord to, you know, come out of all that and yet the fears still remain, especially because he's constantly telling me that I'm the problem I deserve this, I deserve the

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abuse it's it's in my head I'm paranoid it's because of my mental disorder that he's doing all these things, and that's usually how they do it, especially through kids in the courses they tell you you're crazy and they use that to try to take the kids

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and make you go crazy and so anyways he's doing that now he's actually petitioned now the court saying she's, she's mental and she can't be with the kids and has all his lies lined up in the court, you know, addendum or whatever saying all these

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things about why so we're just like okay, this is where again we stand still and see the salvation of the Lord but we can't see our kids like I went to pick them up and he was filming me on camera, sit waiting at the bus stop, and then my daughter said

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dad won't let us see you today, and this time I just said okay I'm so sorry and I love you I, you know, I wanted to be with you and and drove away.

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So, so.

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Are the girls are the girls scared, or are they not quite aware of the situation other than like bill in between. Oh, I think at this point, when the cops got called Saturday night, you know all the oldest is 11 and she's like oh yeah my dad probably called

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you because we brought in the officer after you talked to him just to like calm down say like, this is a nice person, you know, don't be scared of.

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I'll have to say that, oh yeah, that would be my dad.

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He overreacts.

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So I think they've learned to downplay his tendencies

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just to cope, you know?

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So that way they don't internalize,

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like, well, my dad's capable of this

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and what am I capable of?

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Or if my dad's bad, am I bad?

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Like the identity through, you know,

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who he is and what he does, we don't want them to.

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Which is good coping.

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I mean, I'm glad that they're not internalizing it

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more than they are.

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I know that there's times like Olive cried

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basically for two hours yesterday

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or the day before yesterday

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with the last police interaction

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or just the fact that she had already been through,

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you know, the whole weekend and then this happened

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and she was just, she had her fit.

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I mean, she just, who wouldn't have a fit?

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I mean, she's just begging us to leave

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and we just need to go.

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If you just go, mom, we just go and it'll be fine.

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I know where she is.

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She's at this place and, you know,

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you just need to go there.

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Will you just go there?

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And she cried and I just comforted her

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and did my best to say, I can't.

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And she didn't understand why you can't just drive there.

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Just, you can, you know, she just wants it to be okay.

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And she knows deep down that it's not because of me

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that it's not okay.

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But she doesn't really know how to think about her dad.

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I think she's torn because she's actually really deep

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in the Lord and really understands.

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Like she has compassion for him.

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She understands.

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She said, mama, don't you think it's fear

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when she was like five or six years old, you know?

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And don't you think it's fear in him?

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Things like that.

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So I think she's very strong in the Lord

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and very strong in general.

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I think Nellie just received the Lord for herself

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a few weeks ago.

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And she reminded me of that the other day.

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She's like, mama, I remember October 12th, 2022.

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And she's like, I said, really?

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She said, yeah, because you told me to remember that day

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to let her know that was a big deal.

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But I don't know that she's emotionally

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doesn't cope as well.

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And I think with the stomach problems,

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I think it's a way of manifesting her crying out,

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so yeah.

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Yeah, exactly.

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So y'all are still feeling the same now that you were,

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was it yesterday morning where you felt,

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that the Lord was continuing to tell y'all to stand still

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and y'all still both have peace about that.

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And you're both like both in here and whatever.

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Yeah, we feel peace, but then there's always like,

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you know, your brain won't stop.

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Like, well, what if this, what if that,

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what are we gonna do if this happens?

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And so, you know, again, but it's funny how God works

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because when he had sent the,

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the girl's father sent this email that I was like,

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just digging at, like responding to,

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and so frustrated that there was a sticker on the bottom

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that was a pop-up sticker.

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It was a stop sign right on the bottom of my laptop

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that I've never seen before.

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I don't know.

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Nobody's ever seen it before.

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I don't know where it came from,

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but it ended up on the bottom of my laptop.

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And I was like, okay, God, you're right.

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You're right.

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I'm gonna stop, so.

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Yeah, he's definitely showing up

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and really just impressing upon our hearts

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and giving us people.

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I mean, even the timing of tonight and being with you,

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I mean, he's just giving us a few people surrounding us

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that do understand and get it

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because there's teachers and principals involved

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and attorneys and all these things that they're trying,

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you know, and the police are trying to be diplomatic

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and all that.

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So sometimes it just feels like,

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does anybody really see what's really going on?

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And he has given us people that very much see into it,

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that have the insight and spiritual insight

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into what is going on and how not to react

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or to feed into it, which is very comforting.

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And another sign that he is helping us to stand still

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and to stay calm, you know, so.

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And giving support.

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Yeah.

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So what would y'all like to particularly focus on tonight

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or particularly address?

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I mean, where are y'all feeling y'all's greatest,

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I don't know, sense of, I don't want to say urgency,

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but you could say that, you know, urgency,

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I'm talking about like just kind of emotionally,

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where it is that y'all are,

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what you feel like is just the forefront of everything.

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Cause you were mentioning, you know, just multiple things,

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you know, in the, not the email you sent,

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the Facebook message that you sent.

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Is there a particular,

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where would you like to go with that?

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What is on your heart to need to get resolved

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or addressed from a particular perspective?

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I mean, what's, I think the reason,

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part of the reason I wrote it out is that,

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because I feel like it can go in circles,

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especially if I'm, you know,

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trying to explain it in the moment

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and there are so many kinds of pieces, I guess,

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to the puzzle or like, I don't,

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I think the web that I described is such that,

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like that's where I feel personally most stuck

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is kind of the web of it all.

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And that I tried to like share the heart of it,

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but I know it's a lot.

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So I'm not saying that we can address all of that,

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but just even like a starting place.

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to sort of that mess of a web of like this is going on and this is going on and this is going

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on and they're interrelated but it's like there's something that I would like to be able to find a

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shift into a way forward that actually like penetrates that that web in that cycle of you

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know the trauma and the nightmares and all these things that are showing up but then also feeling

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the call to rest and then feeling the call to grieve but I don't want to fear the grief and

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the pain and yet those are they're they're interconnected to where I don't know how to

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decipher when it's it's the lord saying grieve and let this out or when it's me giving into fear

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and letting myself maybe read into it too much or try to figure it out too much

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but I I know he keeps telling me to grieve but there's resistance to that and like I said I go

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kind of round and round with the trauma feelings of it I don't want to give into that but then I

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don't want to stuff down the grief because it's coming up whether I like it or not and I feel so

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poisoned by it in my thoughts and in my body and all these different um in my soul so yeah

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ideally it would be for her to process all these um fears and emotions without actually feeling it

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feeling the pain but um you know at least if she is feeling it emotionally and going

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through it to release that emotion to release that pent-up um just some of the things that

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that's happened the trauma just just release that to god without being afraid of you know

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what's on the other side of this you know if I start feeling this way is it going to drag me

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back down to a place where I can't get back up you know so yeah correct yeah well one of the

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great things about talking to you um liberty is that you are system stiff and being able to discern

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the the very nuances between in your emotions of like where the source is coming from so that is

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you know a great benefit for you um because one of the things that you know like what we've been

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talking about in the rest intensive is you know not being afraid of yourself there's nothing wrong

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with you and who it is that you are and so these emotions yeah we don't want to I understand you

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know we don't want to feel that pain etc but there's um there's a way in which you know that

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pain is revealing to you something that's deep down and it has to get out otherwise it'll just

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keep poisoning you because it's poison whether or not you're feeling the pain you've got your

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days where you're feeling the pain you got your days when you're not but it's still there

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and so there's an aspect of in letting it out that is that's healthy um and there's multiple

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things that we're going to be talking about and there's some things that that ed um you know had

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some insight into before we got on the call that he'll be you'll um that he thought would be helpful

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that he'll be talking about but in it I just wanted to mention one of the very very very

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important root things is to not be afraid of you so even not even talking about okay like how do I

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deal with the emotions what do I do with the fear because it's very important to break the

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break the power of some of this stuff at the root and the fact that you are the thing being attacked

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consistently not just by your ex-husband and I don't remember what's his name

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Sam Sam that's right okay because I'm like I don't want to keep having to say ex-husband

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okay that Sam is continually saying that you are the problem and then that is the thing that you

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have been battling your own so-called you know demons with in other words all of these voices

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and thoughts and words that keep coming into your head you know from from however many years past

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to currently so you are the thing that is constantly being torn down is not being able to

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be trusted and so you have to choose yourself that there is nothing wrong with you and that you're

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not anything to be afraid of and none of the emotions that you will be feeling or that God

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is going to be taking you through in this process and sure it doesn't have to be messy

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but we never know what God what is going to be part of God's journey my whole point is telling

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you prior to that so that you know the root the the base and the foundation of what to take of

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how to go through it is you have to choose you over everything you have to choose that you are

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who God says that you are there is nothing wrong with you so your fear is nothing to be afraid of

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the fact that you are afraid is nothing to be afraid of the fact that all of these things

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happen to you the fact that you don't know how to deal with it the fact that you you know you

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want to be there for your girls and you're just like am I doing it right am I handling it all

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right you have got to choose that you are that there's nothing wrong with you you can't doubt

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you if no one else chooses you you have to that is the salvation for everything that's the salvation

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for the situation and for you

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That's right.

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And the reason for that is because you're coming into agreement with

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God, that you are who he says that you are now, just like God says that

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we're supposed to choose that he is.

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And he says that he is, and we're like, okay, yeah, but who is that?

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It's the same thing with us.

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God says, choose yourself because I do so come into agreement

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and completely receive yourself.

230
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And to be honest, we really were so deep and complex because of who we're

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born from, we don't even know who that is.

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So my point is you don't have, you don't have to worry about having to

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have these particular anchors of things to believe about yourself.

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Sure.

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If they help you, that's great to grab ahold of.

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I'm saying, grab the whole kit and caboodle and just know that whatever it

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is that you are, that you already know, or that you're going to discover

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that you are on this journey, choose now to fully receive it, not when it

239
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comes, receive it now before it reveals itself about who it is, you know,

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that you fully are in the Lord.

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So I just wanted to mention that is that a lot of the reasons why we're afraid

242
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of the emotions and the pain and the et cetera, is we feel that it's saying

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something about us or the fact that coming up out of us makes us feel like,

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oh my goodness, you know, I must have born in other words, birthed this

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wickedness because it feels for it.

246
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And so therefore, if I, if I, if it came up out of me, I must be the source

247
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and I must be bad and we have to have to come out of that agreement first.

248
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So, so just like I was telling Cicely today in, in a comment and

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you may not have seen it yet.

250
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Well, maybe I told y'all yesterday.

251
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I don't remember.

252
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Be, be God.

253
00:16:40.520 --> 00:16:44.280
How, how did I, how did I word that says be for yourself, what

254
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you want God to be for you?

255
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So good because God is being that for you.

256
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And if you're struggling to believe that, agree with him where you can.

257
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And he says that you are, that you are the new man, that you're one with him,

258
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that there's nothing wrong with you.

259
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There's nothing wrong with your spirit, who it is that you are.

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Sure.

261
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We, we sin in the flesh, but this, the flesh God says, and makes it very

262
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clear over and over that the flesh is not who we are.

263
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It's not our identity.

264
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So anyway, that's where all of the problems come out of, but it's not who you are.

265
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And so you don't have to you don't have to, like I said, you

266
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don't have to be afraid of you.

267
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Anything that you battle that feels negative, you're always more powerful than.

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In other words, you're in Christ and you're in that position of power and

269
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authority of being in him, not on our own, but in him.

270
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And so you've got nothing to fear least of all yourself.

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So you, like I said, if we, there's something about something that God is

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asking us to agree with about that.

273
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He said, and we're struggling to do that.

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Find something else.

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And I think that one of the very important things for this is to choose you to

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choose that no matter the attacks and the questions and the self-doubt that, um, to,

277
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to choose to fully receive yourself and to not receive anything, any thoughts or

278
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fears that come out of you as being.

279
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As, as indicating anything negative about you or anything that's inadequate to the

280
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situation or inadequate as a mom or whatever.

281
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So, because I know that that is true.

282
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So anyway, that's the first thing I'm going to say, first thing talking about.

283
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I don't know.

284
00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:31.640
I would probably, I don't want to take up a bunch of time.

285
00:18:31.640 --> 00:18:33.760
I would probably just have a bunch of questions.

286
00:18:33.800 --> 00:18:40.280
Um, trying to think of, uh, just this may seem like a strange question, but is your,

287
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:45.480
is Sam, your ex-husband, is he single or is he remarried?

288
00:18:47.120 --> 00:18:54.320
Well, he, um, so is he saved before we even like separated dating websites?

289
00:18:54.320 --> 00:18:57.680
I found out through pastors and then he actually ended up getting pregnant with

290
00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:02.600
somebody while we were still married and in these emergency hearings and hid it

291
00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:06.320
and then had the baby, it came out halfway through the pregnancy or whatever, right

292
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before trial and he had the baby and then he left her when she had the baby.

293
00:19:11.160 --> 00:19:15.520
And he went into three more serious relationships over a few years.

294
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And then last year he broke up with a girlfriend of two years and went back to

295
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the baby mama within a week.

296
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And they've been together for, since last year.

297
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So they have a five-year-old son now.

298
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Yeah.

299
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:29.240
Yeah.

300
00:19:29.600 --> 00:19:29.960
Okay.

301
00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:31.600
I couldn't remember the timeline.

302
00:19:31.640 --> 00:19:35.160
I was trying to tell him, I said, I don't remember how long ago.

303
00:19:35.880 --> 00:19:36.360
Interesting.

304
00:19:36.360 --> 00:19:39.080
Cause we're in the seventh year and it's, there's been a lot about, you know,

305
00:19:39.080 --> 00:19:44.240
seven being the number of completion and, um, seven years of, uh, famine or

306
00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:48.960
whatever, but yeah, slavery debts are canceled, all that kind of stuff.

307
00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:57.080
And, um, this is kind of a, probably an aberrant question to what we're

308
00:19:57.080 --> 00:19:59.720
discussing, but, um,

309
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.160
Do you have like periods of time in your childhood that are missing?

310
00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:06.580
Do you remember all of your childhood?

311
00:20:06.580 --> 00:20:08.840
I don't remember at all.

312
00:20:08.840 --> 00:20:14.460
I have like a first memory at three, you know, a couple of first memories.

313
00:20:14.460 --> 00:20:21.280
I don't remember my parents together because they split from Florida to Illinois,

314
00:20:21.620 --> 00:20:23.180
very far apart when I was two and a half.

315
00:20:23.180 --> 00:20:28.560
So I remember being in Florida, but then I don't remember a lot of my childhood,

316
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:33.040
like my early childhood, except for some homeschooling things when I homeschooled

317
00:20:33.040 --> 00:20:37.300
for a couple of years and some like arts and, you know, musical things that I did

318
00:20:37.300 --> 00:20:41.800
because those were so special and fun for me to get to sing or to get to act.

319
00:20:41.800 --> 00:20:44.760
Or these special things that I got to do amidst the chaos

320
00:20:44.760 --> 00:20:47.520
of the home I grew up in are what I kind of remember, so.

321
00:20:47.520 --> 00:20:57.840
Well, I don't want to turn this into like a, so my back, so I've got a bunch of things

322
00:20:57.840 --> 00:21:03.940
that I've kind of toured through in my spiritual journey.

323
00:21:03.940 --> 00:21:07.120
And so, but I started in the inner healing side of stuff.

324
00:21:07.120 --> 00:21:12.240
So I don't want to just turn this into like a giant inner healing thing

325
00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:17.800
and start asking the questions, especially since you've had all of this.

326
00:21:17.800 --> 00:21:27.800
I mean, I don't know what you've done already or what, but, you know, it's evident to me

327
00:21:27.800 --> 00:21:32.240
that you've had some, one, I have a feeling, I'm not, this isn't a question,

328
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:36.640
but I have a feeling that you were, you were spiritually sensitive

329
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:38.840
and you probably saw things at a very early age.

330
00:21:38.840 --> 00:21:39.380
Is that right?

331
00:21:39.380 --> 00:21:48.020
You probably knew about stuff, you probably have, knew about spirits and stuff like that,

332
00:21:48.020 --> 00:21:51.140
or at least you were very sensitive to them being around at an early age.

333
00:21:51.140 --> 00:21:51.720
Is that right?

334
00:21:52.340 --> 00:21:53.080
Yeah, I think so.

335
00:21:53.220 --> 00:21:55.040
I feel that's the same with all of us all.

336
00:21:55.560 --> 00:22:01.960
Yeah. I mean, I know later, you know, feeling demons like on my shoulder in my mom's house,

337
00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:06.080
you know, but I don't remember so much when I was younger, but I think I've always been me

338
00:22:06.080 --> 00:22:09.960
and I've always been sensitive and I'm very, I'm very much a feeler.

339
00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:12.720
I'm very much empathetic and compassionate, all that.

340
00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:15.980
And I think I might, I don't know exactly know what a seer is,

341
00:22:15.980 --> 00:22:20.300
but my friends that are seers and the prophetic, you know, sometimes I wonder like, okay,

342
00:22:20.300 --> 00:22:23.860
I know I'm prophetic because we all are and God showed me that the past few years

343
00:22:23.860 --> 00:22:27.020
that I'm prophetic, but I don't know about, I get the visions and dreams,

344
00:22:27.020 --> 00:22:29.900
but I don't know if the seer is in there or not, so.

345
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:31.300
Well, I think it is.

346
00:22:31.380 --> 00:22:38.060
Now, most likely you used to see a lot when you were young and then it,

347
00:22:38.340 --> 00:22:40.960
it for a lot of people, it'll shut, it'll shut down.

348
00:22:41.300 --> 00:22:46.700
And I don't know, I was thinking of a book called The Veil.

349
00:22:46.980 --> 00:22:50.420
I'm trying to remember the guy's name that did it.

350
00:22:50.420 --> 00:22:51.700
And he was a young man.

351
00:22:52.380 --> 00:22:58.540
He's now over the Bethel School of Supernatural in Atlanta, but he could see his whole life.

352
00:22:58.540 --> 00:23:03.460
And he was very tormented as young, as a young man, because a lot of what he saw was dark,

353
00:23:03.460 --> 00:23:08.380
what he experienced was dark, but he could see all kinds of stuff.

354
00:23:08.380 --> 00:23:14.060
And it's a, it's a fascinating, there's no like ABC how to do it, right?

355
00:23:14.740 --> 00:23:17.820
But he gives some analogies of what it is to see in the spirit when it's not.

356
00:23:18.300 --> 00:23:25.900
But it's his story and his journey of going through this, that's the point that when I felt the

357
00:23:25.900 --> 00:23:30.340
prompting for people to look into the story, because on the other side of all of those

358
00:23:30.340 --> 00:23:36.460
experiences, he describes what's going on in worship, like in the spirit, that's like beyond

359
00:23:36.460 --> 00:23:42.540
anything I have ever heard of, you know, or he described once he was sitting on a street

360
00:23:42.540 --> 00:23:46.140
corner and he saw there was a homeless man over there.

361
00:23:46.140 --> 00:23:51.180
And, and there, there was a woman that walked through and she looked like she was giving off

362
00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:52.220
this gold dust.

363
00:23:53.220 --> 00:24:00.100
And as she walked past, everybody started to look, to look, to raise up like this, including

364
00:24:00.100 --> 00:24:01.580
the homeless guy.

365
00:24:01.700 --> 00:24:06.380
And then after a period that she was gone, she started to, you know, everybody started to

366
00:24:06.380 --> 00:24:11.940
wilt back and he realized that she was a believer and that that's what we all carry.

367
00:24:11.940 --> 00:24:13.940
We all walk in that, that thing.

368
00:24:14.180 --> 00:24:17.220
But when he started his journey, he didn't see nice things.

369
00:24:17.540 --> 00:24:18.820
It wasn't pleasant at all.

370
00:24:19.300 --> 00:24:22.860
Right. But most people have no grid for it, if that makes sense.

371
00:24:23.100 --> 00:24:31.220
And I, I mean, if I remember reading through your, your thing, there's all the evidence

372
00:24:31.220 --> 00:24:36.540
there. There's probably a lot of early childhood trauma, most likely.

373
00:24:37.060 --> 00:24:44.940
There's some kind of awkward questions I could ask that would probably, you know, point to

374
00:24:44.940 --> 00:24:46.620
that. I don't, I don't know you very well.

375
00:24:46.620 --> 00:24:49.540
And I know you're starting an inner healing journey now, you said.

376
00:24:50.260 --> 00:24:52.660
Well, I wouldn't say it's the start of it.

377
00:24:52.660 --> 00:24:55.940
This feels like it's been I mean, it feels like it's been a journey.

378
00:24:55.940 --> 00:24:59.940
It feels like it's I've been trying to get to the inner healing.

379
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.540
for a long time, but I can't say that I really,

380
00:25:04.060 --> 00:25:05.180
I was stuck in the,

381
00:25:05.180 --> 00:25:08.360
and while I was trying to figure these things out,

382
00:25:08.360 --> 00:25:09.940
I was also in what I didn't know

383
00:25:09.940 --> 00:25:11.520
was narcissistic abuse for 10 years.

384
00:25:11.520 --> 00:25:13.900
And then there's been now seven years since then

385
00:25:13.900 --> 00:25:16.780
that the Lord broke open the spiritual things again,

386
00:25:16.780 --> 00:25:19.920
that, you know, I like been prophesied over

387
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:21.060
when I was in college,

388
00:25:21.060 --> 00:25:22.780
my grandmother spoke in tongues, things like that.

389
00:25:22.780 --> 00:25:25.340
But then a lot of, I got basically in Baptist churches

390
00:25:25.340 --> 00:25:28.240
for about half that marriage or more,

391
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:30.860
really Calvinistic thinking and told that that's weird,

392
00:25:30.860 --> 00:25:33.860
we don't do that, all completely shut down,

393
00:25:33.860 --> 00:25:35.260
didn't know what to think of it.

394
00:25:35.260 --> 00:25:36.760
And then when I went through what I did

395
00:25:36.760 --> 00:25:40.400
and I saw such darkness, I mean, I feel like I saw,

396
00:25:41.340 --> 00:25:42.300
I feel like I saw hell,

397
00:25:42.300 --> 00:25:44.640
but I also feel like there's times that I've seen

398
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:45.740
definitely glimpses of heaven.

399
00:25:45.740 --> 00:25:46.860
I know I've heard from the Lord.

400
00:25:46.860 --> 00:25:48.940
I have word after word that I've heard from him.

401
00:25:48.940 --> 00:25:53.300
I know he wakes me up at the night or like this mix,

402
00:25:53.300 --> 00:25:56.300
but it's felt like the darkness has been heavier.

403
00:25:57.240 --> 00:25:59.800
And so the inner healing piece, I'm definitely open.

404
00:25:59.800 --> 00:26:01.200
I'm more open than ever.

405
00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:02.480
And I've been open.

406
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:04.800
I think it's just been the survival mode.

407
00:26:04.800 --> 00:26:08.620
It's been difficult with this man constantly coming at me.

408
00:26:08.620 --> 00:26:11.200
And I know it's not him and I know it's bigger than him.

409
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:13.200
It probably goes back to my early childhood,

410
00:26:13.200 --> 00:26:14.240
but it's almost like,

411
00:26:15.080 --> 00:26:18.080
like I feel like the enemy like literally tried to kill me

412
00:26:18.080 --> 00:26:19.840
and I almost died.

413
00:26:19.840 --> 00:26:21.720
I mean, multiple times through the situation,

414
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:24.160
like it was so, so bad.

415
00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:25.120
And I was on the street.

416
00:26:25.120 --> 00:26:26.980
I didn't know who to turn to for help.

417
00:26:26.980 --> 00:26:28.020
I was in the psych ward

418
00:26:28.020 --> 00:26:30.020
and then I got served papers in the psych ward

419
00:26:30.020 --> 00:26:32.180
saying he wanted my kids and took everything.

420
00:26:32.180 --> 00:26:33.120
He hid my children.

421
00:26:33.120 --> 00:26:37.100
So, you know, and then when my mind couldn't cope,

422
00:26:37.100 --> 00:26:39.640
it's like, that's when I was drug into court.

423
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:41.500
And that's when I was in the spotlight going,

424
00:26:41.500 --> 00:26:42.380
are you a fit mother?

425
00:26:42.380 --> 00:26:43.420
Are you a crazy mother?

426
00:26:43.420 --> 00:26:46.020
And I had no idea what had even happened to me.

427
00:26:46.020 --> 00:26:47.300
I didn't even know the context

428
00:26:47.300 --> 00:26:50.640
of what the narcissistic word was before all this started.

429
00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:52.820
So when that happened, it's like,

430
00:26:52.820 --> 00:26:57.800
it became this cascade of so many lies

431
00:26:57.800 --> 00:27:01.280
against my identity going, you must be,

432
00:27:01.280 --> 00:27:03.160
how could this have happened if you're not crazy?

433
00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:04.000
If you're not bad,

434
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:05.600
then why would you have seen all these bad things?

435
00:27:05.600 --> 00:27:09.000
I mean, and just trying to understand a narcissistic person,

436
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:11.800
trying to understand how it could be,

437
00:27:11.800 --> 00:27:14.300
how that could that be that my best friend

438
00:27:14.300 --> 00:27:16.720
and my husband was that all this time?

439
00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:17.880
What am I not seeing?

440
00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:18.720
What do I not get?

441
00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:22.040
What can I not trust about myself or him or anyone or God?

442
00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:25.380
And then when I went into some of the inner healing,

443
00:27:27.420 --> 00:27:31.140
it was like, I started to see things in the spirit again.

444
00:27:31.140 --> 00:27:34.540
And I opened up the prophetic world again.

445
00:27:34.540 --> 00:27:37.540
And the Lord like did so much in my life

446
00:27:37.540 --> 00:27:40.540
and past couple of years where it's like,

447
00:27:40.540 --> 00:27:42.980
wait, I feel like I should be further along

448
00:27:42.980 --> 00:27:44.780
because he really has moved so much.

449
00:27:44.780 --> 00:27:47.580
Like I just started seeing visions and dreams

450
00:27:47.580 --> 00:27:48.420
and all these things.

451
00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:50.820
And he gave me a whole vision for my life

452
00:27:50.840 --> 00:27:52.760
and a vision for ministry and all these things

453
00:27:52.760 --> 00:27:53.600
and called me.

454
00:27:53.600 --> 00:27:58.100
And then suddenly, I ended up getting married unexpectedly.

455
00:27:58.100 --> 00:27:59.160
I thought I was gonna be single

456
00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:01.040
for the rest of my life, honestly.

457
00:28:01.040 --> 00:28:04.280
And so I was in ministry for women

458
00:28:04.280 --> 00:28:06.520
and then I realized I'm still so broken.

459
00:28:06.520 --> 00:28:08.760
Like I know God gave me this vision,

460
00:28:08.760 --> 00:28:11.160
but he's calling me to pull back from it

461
00:28:11.160 --> 00:28:13.480
because I have to go first for these women.

462
00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:15.400
I have to go first.

463
00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:18.240
And I was told, there's been things prophesied over me

464
00:28:18.260 --> 00:28:22.180
about like that I'm gonna stand

465
00:28:24.020 --> 00:28:25.660
against trafficking in a major way,

466
00:28:25.660 --> 00:28:28.300
like things about changing the legislation for it,

467
00:28:28.300 --> 00:28:31.900
like being powered up in suits in court,

468
00:28:31.900 --> 00:28:33.260
just different pictures people have gotten.

469
00:28:33.260 --> 00:28:34.420
Also in business, they've said,

470
00:28:34.420 --> 00:28:37.540
I'm gonna start a massive earring company

471
00:28:37.540 --> 00:28:40.140
and I'm gonna help launch all these businesses

472
00:28:40.140 --> 00:28:41.020
in the kingdom world.

473
00:28:41.020 --> 00:28:42.880
And there's been so many things,

474
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:44.780
but it's like, if I don't get me right.

475
00:28:44.780 --> 00:28:47.340
So the things I've tried for inner healing

476
00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:49.480
are time with the Lord,

477
00:28:50.320 --> 00:28:53.080
just in his presence kind of sozo type thing,

478
00:28:53.080 --> 00:28:55.280
doing it for myself,

479
00:28:55.280 --> 00:28:58.000
actually going through maybe three sozos.

480
00:28:58.000 --> 00:28:58.920
And then I started,

481
00:28:58.920 --> 00:29:01.600
I'm about six sessions into something called RSM,

482
00:29:01.600 --> 00:29:04.200
which is Retracing Sequence Method.

483
00:29:05.080 --> 00:29:07.960
Is that the Rabbi movement thing, RSM?

484
00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:11.440
It's not, it's actually a Christian spirit-filled,

485
00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:15.640
like a neuro, like, well, what is it called?

486
00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:19.380
Neuro-emotional therapy for like spirit-filled believers.

487
00:29:19.380 --> 00:29:21.620
So basically they take you through,

488
00:29:21.620 --> 00:29:24.560
they identify like something in a generational line

489
00:29:24.560 --> 00:29:25.540
through muscle testing,

490
00:29:25.540 --> 00:29:27.380
if you're familiar with like a muscle testing thing

491
00:29:27.380 --> 00:29:29.860
where we're testing the physical body,

492
00:29:29.860 --> 00:29:31.300
the electrical system,

493
00:29:31.300 --> 00:29:34.540
while asking questions based on something

494
00:29:34.540 --> 00:29:37.300
like God's love toward me or my love for God

495
00:29:37.300 --> 00:29:39.660
or these different sequence kind of steps.

496
00:29:39.660 --> 00:29:41.380
And then we go into,

497
00:29:41.380 --> 00:29:43.260
it's like an activating event

498
00:29:43.280 --> 00:29:46.200
from the generational ancestral line

499
00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:47.920
when it activated in your life.

500
00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:51.600
And then when you had a, what do they call it?

501
00:29:51.600 --> 00:29:54.040
Like a, what's the last of my call?

502
00:29:56.200 --> 00:29:57.560
It's the origin of that.

503
00:29:57.560 --> 00:29:59.040
Exile, exile.

504
00:29:59.040 --> 00:30:00.200
So you're exiled.

505
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.200
So maybe you had a generational thing, then you had an early childhood activation of that DNA

506
00:30:05.840 --> 00:30:10.960
or generational thing, and then you have like an exile event where you chose to believe that.

507
00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:18.080
Like I'm now, I'm out of my mom's house from the time I'm 15, I left when I was 16, and I can't

508
00:30:18.080 --> 00:30:23.440
trust anybody and I'll never blah blah blah. You know like this is how it's going to be from now

509
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:28.640
on is your exile event, and then you go in and you do through the testing that you're doing

510
00:30:28.640 --> 00:30:33.760
and through the spirit you let him bring a new truth to those events and the lies that

511
00:30:33.760 --> 00:30:39.280
come out of the belief system from the events. And then also on top of that it's and it's

512
00:30:39.280 --> 00:30:46.960
releasing the body from holding all that you know trauma so that way like you don't start shaking

513
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:53.200
if you get your door closed or whatever else. It's about kind of disconnecting that trauma from your

514
00:30:53.200 --> 00:31:00.240
body and also digging up and releasing and having God replace that lie that you believe is true.

515
00:31:01.360 --> 00:31:05.600
Kind of like a holistic approach to something similar to like a SOZA which is more spiritual.

516
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:12.720
EMDR is out there for trauma but it's not faith-based at all but can be very effective.

517
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:17.600
So they're trying to kind of bring those together I think in this model. It's very interesting. I

518
00:31:17.600 --> 00:31:21.520
had to research it for about a year and just talk to the Lord before I even said yes because I was

519
00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:25.120
just terrified things are going to get opened up that are going to take me back to the hospital and

520
00:31:25.120 --> 00:31:30.400
I just feel like that wrecked my life. Why would I choose that? Why would God want that for me?

521
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:34.880
You know and this has now happened three times. It always happened in a February

522
00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:39.840
but it was absolutely terrifying. The most traumatizing thing on top of everything with

523
00:31:39.840 --> 00:31:44.320
my kids and my ex just having to go through that and going to the hospital and the shame around

524
00:31:44.320 --> 00:31:50.320
that was like and the enemy said you know I saw things in the spirit after my child and he said

525
00:31:50.320 --> 00:31:55.120
it was like but it was like I was devouring her like I felt it inside me like I was going to eat

526
00:31:55.120 --> 00:31:58.800
my own child. I was going to do these you know what I'm saying like I was going to do these

527
00:31:58.800 --> 00:32:03.760
things that I was responsible for trafficking that I was spirit cooking which I never even

528
00:32:03.760 --> 00:32:09.440
heard of spirit cooking but these things came up and so the terror that that produced it's like

529
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:15.120
I haven't really known how to get that level of inner healing except for something like RSM that

530
00:32:15.120 --> 00:32:19.840
they talk about helping people from domestic abuse trafficking kind of the worst of the worst.

531
00:32:19.920 --> 00:32:25.040
I don't know so that's what I've started and then the past month since everything has just been

532
00:32:25.760 --> 00:32:30.640
I mean it's been like this cascade of just we're just trying to catch our breath because it's been

533
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:35.360
thing after thing we haven't even been able to get together with her to do a session for the

534
00:32:35.360 --> 00:32:40.160
past month but we started it and I think it is I have six words from the six sessions that the

535
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:46.800
Lord gave me and I think the last one we did is when he said you were free and some things about

536
00:32:46.800 --> 00:32:54.560
freedom and said your name's no longer Libby it's Liberty and he spoke a lot about liberation

537
00:32:54.560 --> 00:33:01.680
and freedom and saying you're free because I have felt my whole life like I am so patient and

538
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:06.640
oppressed and I internally it's like I'm trying to get myself out of this and I've tried what

539
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:14.000
feels like everything to do it you know including the Lord and yet that's what maybe perpetuates

540
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:18.560
this idea that something's wrong with me or that I'm bad which is already the deep-rooted fear that

541
00:33:18.560 --> 00:33:24.400
keeps me stuffing it down because the longer it takes to really get to the impetus or the

542
00:33:25.120 --> 00:33:30.240
you know the crux of it and really get in there a lot more it's like am I not believing them maybe

543
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:34.240
I'm not a believer maybe I'm not saved you know all these things have come up along the way to

544
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:41.680
say what's wrong with you that you can't get free from this but I think his timing is perfect and

545
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:48.720
that's really been more the issue is his timing yeah well you know I don't I'm going to be very

546
00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:53.840
careful because I don't want to put anything on you you know I don't know you I've just seen you

547
00:33:53.840 --> 00:33:59.120
for the very first time and I don't know what you've been through and all of that but I have a

548
00:33:59.840 --> 00:34:03.760
I have a sense that you were exposed to some things at a young age that a young person's not

549
00:34:03.760 --> 00:34:12.400
supposed to be exposed to is that is that accurate I mean potentially RSM testing kind of

550
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:17.120
alluded to that but they don't really dive deep into what that event meant they just kind of

551
00:34:17.120 --> 00:34:24.639
process it and get it out of your you know your system but there wasn't didn't you say spiritual

552
00:34:24.639 --> 00:34:29.760
abuse might have been something that you yeah I mean I have some alleged spiritual abuse by

553
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:37.679
grandfather at a young age that you know as he's been kind of a I don't remember all the rest but

554
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:43.440
yeah like a step-grandfather has come up a lot but I haven't been able to fully process it I don't

555
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:48.880
even know if I'm supposed to or what but he yeah he could have been a spiritual abuser he was like

556
00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:53.840
there early in my life because he married my grandmother when we moved from the divorce to

557
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:58.560
Florida and I remember living in their apartment being two and a half three but I don't have

558
00:34:58.560 --> 00:35:00.000
memories before that.

559
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.000
But I also, I feel like it's the first time in my life

560
00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:06.200
that I'm even realizing,

561
00:35:06.200 --> 00:35:09.160
because I know I've gone through psychological abuse,

562
00:35:09.160 --> 00:35:10.480
emotional, verbal,

563
00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:13.320
but at least I haven't gone through sexual abuse.

564
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:14.920
Then I'm realizing, oh, like spiritual,

565
00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:16.720
maybe even sexual, I don't know.

566
00:35:16.720 --> 00:35:18.660
How do I know that I haven't?

567
00:35:18.660 --> 00:35:21.080
And for all these years I've been saying,

568
00:35:21.080 --> 00:35:22.640
thankfully I haven't been through that.

569
00:35:22.640 --> 00:35:24.100
And all my friends seem to have gone

570
00:35:24.100 --> 00:35:26.020
through some kind of sexual abuse.

571
00:35:26.020 --> 00:35:27.400
And then all of a sudden the past few months,

572
00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:30.040
these dreams and these repressed memories,

573
00:35:30.040 --> 00:35:32.640
it's like they're trying to come up about either him

574
00:35:33.640 --> 00:35:36.560
and something sexual or spiritual or both.

575
00:35:36.560 --> 00:35:39.160
And I mentioned the SRA,

576
00:35:39.160 --> 00:35:41.200
like that was something that was brought up.

577
00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:42.840
But when it was brought up,

578
00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:45.600
it was very scary to me because it was brought up

579
00:35:45.600 --> 00:35:47.160
when I was already triggered.

580
00:35:47.160 --> 00:35:49.060
I was going through hell with this divorce

581
00:35:49.060 --> 00:35:51.720
and this girl that I didn't trust sent me a video,

582
00:35:51.720 --> 00:35:55.720
explicit video of something I had never even heard of,

583
00:35:55.720 --> 00:35:56.920
satanic virtual abuse.

584
00:35:57.440 --> 00:35:59.120
She sends me a video of it and I open it.

585
00:35:59.120 --> 00:36:04.120
And I'm just, I mean, I'm like dancing around my table

586
00:36:04.640 --> 00:36:07.600
in fear and anxiety, just freaking out.

587
00:36:07.600 --> 00:36:08.840
Like, what is this?

588
00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:10.900
And she told me I need to get

589
00:36:10.900 --> 00:36:12.600
to a deliverance minister in Chicago.

590
00:36:12.600 --> 00:36:15.100
And I don't even know if that was from God or not,

591
00:36:15.100 --> 00:36:18.560
because this girl, I have a whole experience with her

592
00:36:18.560 --> 00:36:19.880
that was very strange and I still don't know

593
00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:20.700
what to think of it.

594
00:36:20.700 --> 00:36:22.160
So I did nothing with it.

595
00:36:22.160 --> 00:36:25.520
And fast forward, I've been now recently

596
00:36:25.520 --> 00:36:27.720
hearing more about it from friends

597
00:36:27.720 --> 00:36:29.640
and it's coming up in dreams.

598
00:36:29.640 --> 00:36:32.760
And I'm like, this sounds like the worst thing ever.

599
00:36:33.960 --> 00:36:37.600
And it also came up when my mind was in that place of-

600
00:36:37.600 --> 00:36:38.720
Thinking that she's bad.

601
00:36:38.720 --> 00:36:40.240
Thinking that I'm bad and hallucinating

602
00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:41.080
and whatever that was.

603
00:36:41.080 --> 00:36:42.440
It was spiritual attack,

604
00:36:42.440 --> 00:36:44.560
but it was also what they call like a mania

605
00:36:44.560 --> 00:36:49.560
or a psychotic break or whatever in the medical terms.

606
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:55.000
And I saw things like, I mentioned like rape I saw,

607
00:36:55.160 --> 00:36:57.440
but it was like a mockery of it.

608
00:36:57.440 --> 00:37:02.040
I saw like the Holocaust and babies piled up.

609
00:37:02.040 --> 00:37:04.760
I saw babies stretched out all over the room.

610
00:37:04.760 --> 00:37:06.360
Like they were carcasses.

611
00:37:08.120 --> 00:37:12.960
I saw so many things that I just thought I'm,

612
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:14.360
I did this, I'm responsible for this.

613
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:16.780
But I also would get freaked out by like,

614
00:37:16.780 --> 00:37:18.680
like I had a couple of videos come up on my phone

615
00:37:18.680 --> 00:37:22.160
during that, that had to do with CIA

616
00:37:22.160 --> 00:37:23.920
or like FBI kind of stuff.

617
00:37:23.920 --> 00:37:26.080
And it would freak me out because I'm like,

618
00:37:28.400 --> 00:37:30.040
if you've ever seen the Born Identity

619
00:37:30.040 --> 00:37:32.720
and all the Born movies, I used to love those movies.

620
00:37:32.720 --> 00:37:34.320
I had never thought twice about it.

621
00:37:34.320 --> 00:37:37.120
And then all this stuff happened and I'm like,

622
00:37:37.120 --> 00:37:38.600
I can't even watch that.

623
00:37:38.600 --> 00:37:41.280
Like what if I've been brainwashed

624
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:43.040
or what if something has happened to me

625
00:37:43.040 --> 00:37:46.200
that is similar to what these people have gone through,

626
00:37:46.200 --> 00:37:48.240
being their head being put under water

627
00:37:48.240 --> 00:37:50.720
and then being conditioned in some way

628
00:37:50.720 --> 00:37:51.560
or something like that.

629
00:37:51.560 --> 00:37:54.040
And so the more that I learned about trafficking,

630
00:37:54.040 --> 00:37:56.600
the more sick I got and then the conspiracy theories

631
00:37:56.600 --> 00:38:00.320
got so bad that the last time that my mind slipped,

632
00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:02.080
I thought my children were being trafficked

633
00:38:02.080 --> 00:38:04.360
and I went looking for them.

634
00:38:05.440 --> 00:38:07.440
Like I actually went out in my neighborhood

635
00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:11.040
looking for them and thought that I was hearing direction

636
00:38:11.040 --> 00:38:14.120
to where other children were being trafficked and held

637
00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:18.800
and was searching for the children to release the children.

638
00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:22.360
So I have no idea what any of that means, honestly,

639
00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:24.440
but I know there's something, yeah.

640
00:38:24.440 --> 00:38:27.520
Yeah, well, I'm gonna ask a really weird question, okay?

641
00:38:27.520 --> 00:38:30.960
So forgive me as it sounds a little inappropriate

642
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:35.960
or whatever, but please forgive me for asking this question.

643
00:38:36.080 --> 00:38:41.080
But when just first number that pops out of your mind,

644
00:38:42.560 --> 00:38:45.960
what age would you say you became sexually aware?

645
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:54.800
Single digits, teenager?

646
00:38:57.040 --> 00:38:58.680
Yeah, I'm like, I'm trying to think.

647
00:38:58.680 --> 00:39:00.640
You understand what I mean when I say that, right?

648
00:39:00.640 --> 00:39:03.880
Like where you know you're a girl and you know you're a boy,

649
00:39:03.880 --> 00:39:07.560
but then there's a moment where you really understand

650
00:39:07.560 --> 00:39:09.520
there's a difference, right?

651
00:39:09.520 --> 00:39:12.560
And there's arousal, there's all other stuff

652
00:39:12.560 --> 00:39:14.000
that comes around.

653
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:16.680
Well, I remember a couple of things from my early childhood

654
00:39:16.680 --> 00:39:18.080
that were like not the earliest.

655
00:39:18.120 --> 00:39:19.880
I don't remember anything before three,

656
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:22.840
but I remember being five to seven

657
00:39:22.840 --> 00:39:23.920
and a couple of things happening.

658
00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:28.040
One, my sister was molested by our neighbor.

659
00:39:28.040 --> 00:39:30.440
It went to court and they didn't prove anything.

660
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:31.920
I don't think that he touched me,

661
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:34.720
but his daughter, he was molesting too.

662
00:39:34.720 --> 00:39:36.680
We would hear her in the room and him doing it.

663
00:39:36.680 --> 00:39:38.840
And then she would put me in sexual positions

664
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:42.000
in the bedroom, that kind of thing.

665
00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:43.200
But that's all I remember of that.

666
00:39:43.200 --> 00:39:47.640
And then I remember being exposed to a man,

667
00:39:48.240 --> 00:39:49.920
a predator came by and this is Florida.

668
00:39:49.920 --> 00:39:51.480
So there's lots of them,

669
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:53.680
came by in like a Walmart or some store

670
00:39:53.680 --> 00:39:56.160
as my mom was way down the aisle in the shoe department.

671
00:39:56.160 --> 00:39:57.680
And he started whispering to me

672
00:39:57.680 --> 00:40:00.440
and showing me a picture, a closeup picture of a male.

673
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.200
you know, genitalia, and I just was in complete shock.

674
00:40:04.200 --> 00:40:06.280
I just remember, like, I couldn't speak.

675
00:40:06.280 --> 00:40:07.360
I've had dreams like that since,

676
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:08.920
where you just can't get anything out of your mouth.

677
00:40:08.920 --> 00:40:10.040
I just was in complete shock.

678
00:40:10.040 --> 00:40:10.920
I couldn't say anything.

679
00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:13.440
My mom's yelling and starts calling my name

680
00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:16.320
and calling for security and things like that.

681
00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:20.840
I remember with, like, five years old, like, putting,

682
00:40:20.840 --> 00:40:22.520
I mean, this, I guess, is kind of normal behavior

683
00:40:22.520 --> 00:40:24.120
for children I've heard, that, you know,

684
00:40:24.120 --> 00:40:27.200
putting, like, ice packs down each other's pants

685
00:40:27.200 --> 00:40:30.600
and, like, spanking each other, spanking each other.

686
00:40:30.600 --> 00:40:32.680
Like, I don't know if that's anything.

687
00:40:32.680 --> 00:40:34.680
But other than that, I don't remember.

688
00:40:34.680 --> 00:40:37.320
I don't remember the sexual.

689
00:40:37.320 --> 00:40:38.320
As far as you can understand,

690
00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:40.040
you weren't, like, switched on.

691
00:40:40.040 --> 00:40:40.880
You know what I mean?

692
00:40:40.880 --> 00:40:45.400
It's like, you know what, like, you've had children,

693
00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:48.320
so you know what, like, a five-year-old knows, right?

694
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:51.120
And then there are times when it's like, wait a minute.

695
00:40:51.120 --> 00:40:53.600
I knew stuff at five that I shouldn't have known.

696
00:40:53.600 --> 00:40:56.280
Like, we adults are supposed to know those types of things,

697
00:40:56.280 --> 00:40:57.120
you know?

698
00:40:57.720 --> 00:41:01.000
That was actually one of my, that was one of,

699
00:41:01.000 --> 00:41:02.800
I don't know if you're sensing what I went through,

700
00:41:02.800 --> 00:41:06.040
but yeah, I went through it at a young age

701
00:41:06.040 --> 00:41:09.960
with, you know, a brother and cousin, whatever else.

702
00:41:09.960 --> 00:41:12.840
And that was from, like, probably six or seven

703
00:41:12.840 --> 00:41:15.360
on to, like, 14 or 15 kind of scenario.

704
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:18.320
But yeah, I was definitely exposed to pornography

705
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:20.600
and a bunch of other stuff that got as,

706
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:25.240
I hit a lot of it, but then it came out

707
00:41:25.240 --> 00:41:28.560
and was releasing it partially through various things

708
00:41:28.560 --> 00:41:30.360
in my church, like Spirit Filled,

709
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:34.800
and then was able to finally, when I met Liberty,

710
00:41:34.800 --> 00:41:37.120
is to finally get the rest of it out.

711
00:41:37.120 --> 00:41:40.360
The shame that kind of just dug in you, like, you know,

712
00:41:40.360 --> 00:41:44.280
why am I attracted to other men or whatever else is,

713
00:41:44.280 --> 00:41:47.800
you know, the things that come up just from that deep,

714
00:41:47.800 --> 00:41:51.560
you know, stance of that sexual abuse.

715
00:41:51.560 --> 00:41:54.040
So hope you're not mixing me with her.

716
00:41:54.560 --> 00:41:55.400
It's fine.

717
00:41:55.400 --> 00:41:58.640
I just, you know, thank you for sharing.

718
00:41:58.640 --> 00:42:02.200
I know that's not easy, even with the shame gone out of it.

719
00:42:02.200 --> 00:42:04.640
It just, what it looks like to me

720
00:42:04.640 --> 00:42:06.920
is when early childhood things,

721
00:42:06.920 --> 00:42:09.960
especially it's easiest for most people to see it

722
00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:11.840
when it's sexual, but it doesn't have to be.

723
00:42:11.840 --> 00:42:13.600
You know, it can be just exposure to things,

724
00:42:13.600 --> 00:42:17.160
is that if this is a tree of somebody's life, right?

725
00:42:18.240 --> 00:42:19.400
And this is the ground over.

726
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:23.560
When early thing happens, it'll bend.

727
00:42:23.760 --> 00:42:25.720
The tree will bend, right?

728
00:42:25.720 --> 00:42:28.800
And especially when there's a sexual things of nature,

729
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:32.200
let's say something gets switched on inside of you

730
00:42:32.200 --> 00:42:33.880
and it kind of bends your thinking.

731
00:42:33.880 --> 00:42:37.080
It changes how you think, what you're aware of at an age

732
00:42:37.080 --> 00:42:41.440
where you're not able to process in any type of trauma

733
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:43.280
what's going on in your life.

734
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:44.880
And it kind of bends you.

735
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:47.480
The thing is the Lord can come and heal this place

736
00:42:47.480 --> 00:42:49.080
and that tree can come in

737
00:42:49.080 --> 00:42:50.640
and get back to where it's supposed to be.

738
00:42:50.640 --> 00:42:53.240
You're not going to have to learn to live and cope.

739
00:42:53.240 --> 00:42:54.080
Right.

740
00:42:54.080 --> 00:42:55.720
If that makes sense.

741
00:42:55.720 --> 00:42:56.560
That does make sense.

742
00:42:56.560 --> 00:42:58.760
And the way it seems to me for you,

743
00:42:58.760 --> 00:43:00.560
I just want to alleviate a couple of things

744
00:43:00.560 --> 00:43:02.840
and I don't want to take things over here.

745
00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:03.680
No, you're good.

746
00:43:03.680 --> 00:43:08.680
Is it looks to me like a gentle descent

747
00:43:09.920 --> 00:43:12.400
and that the Lord is there.

748
00:43:12.400 --> 00:43:14.160
He's got the safety net for you.

749
00:43:15.400 --> 00:43:19.440
And the descent, I mean, is you're not in charge

750
00:43:19.480 --> 00:43:23.040
to root around inside of your soul to figure this out.

751
00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:26.120
It's kind of like, that's not your job.

752
00:43:26.120 --> 00:43:27.560
Oh, hallelujah.

753
00:43:27.560 --> 00:43:28.400
Right.

754
00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:29.360
It's not your job.

755
00:43:29.360 --> 00:43:34.320
And I feel like you and the Lord are on a rescue mission

756
00:43:34.320 --> 00:43:36.360
and you're the rescuer

757
00:43:37.240 --> 00:43:38.920
and you're the one that's doing the rescuing.

758
00:43:38.920 --> 00:43:41.560
But the thing is you're going with him.

759
00:43:41.560 --> 00:43:44.240
You're not the one that's doing it and he's helping you.

760
00:43:44.240 --> 00:43:45.800
Right.

761
00:43:45.800 --> 00:43:47.800
There's a rescue mission for you.

762
00:43:47.800 --> 00:43:51.200
And I see something about the ages of three,

763
00:43:51.200 --> 00:43:53.680
five, seven, nine, and 11.

764
00:43:54.800 --> 00:43:57.160
There's something, it was especially three,

765
00:43:57.160 --> 00:44:00.720
seven, nine, and 11 in your life.

766
00:44:00.720 --> 00:44:02.400
And I don't know what those,

767
00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:04.880
what happened in those times of your life,

768
00:44:04.880 --> 00:44:09.080
but I wouldn't worry if this would be my,

769
00:44:09.080 --> 00:44:11.760
I don't really like per se giving advice,

770
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:15.680
but I wouldn't focus on what you don't know.

771
00:44:16.640 --> 00:44:17.840
That'll drive you crazy.

772
00:44:19.240 --> 00:44:21.800
It literally, it'll drive you, no pun intended,

773
00:44:21.800 --> 00:44:24.240
but it'll drive you crazy in the sense of like,

774
00:44:24.240 --> 00:44:26.080
it'll be almost like an obsession.

775
00:44:26.080 --> 00:44:28.120
What do I not, what do I, whatever.

776
00:44:28.120 --> 00:44:31.840
I, you know, I remember when somebody told me once,

777
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:36.200
I went to kind of a counseling session

778
00:44:36.200 --> 00:44:39.320
and a woman had told me that she thought 80%,

779
00:44:39.320 --> 00:44:41.840
blah, blah, blah, things that happened to me.

780
00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:44.680
And I went and sat in the car and I have no memory.

781
00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:47.680
And I remember sitting there in the car going,

782
00:44:47.680 --> 00:44:51.160
oh my God, like, what if I remember?

783
00:44:51.160 --> 00:44:54.200
What if it, what if it, what if it,

784
00:44:54.200 --> 00:44:55.920
what if it was people I know?

785
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:58.160
What if it was my family?

786
00:44:58.160 --> 00:45:00.000
What if it was blah, blah, blah?

787
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.820
And I was in that moment, like freaking out about what's going to happen to me.

788
00:45:04.820 --> 00:45:07.360
Like, am I going to wait, am I going to wake up and all of a sudden I'm gay

789
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:12.800
tomorrow or like, you know, like whatever, I don't know, I didn't know what those

790
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:19.960
things are and the way it looks to me with you is that there is a cleansing

791
00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:21.080
taking place in your life.

792
00:45:21.680 --> 00:45:28.160
And sometimes when I know that someone's had trauma, uh, in their life, I'll see,

793
00:45:28.640 --> 00:45:31.960
uh, young versions of them in their heart.

794
00:45:34.680 --> 00:45:35.000
Okay.

795
00:45:36.840 --> 00:45:39.120
Saying this, he's been saying like, help her.

796
00:45:39.120 --> 00:45:42.520
Like he had gave me this whole word where I saw you're, you're the hurt.

797
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:44.560
I saw that I'm the hurt.

798
00:45:45.160 --> 00:45:50.160
And he said, help her because he actually said, so he showed me, um,

799
00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:52.520
myself as a very young girl.

800
00:45:52.520 --> 00:45:56.400
And it was, I was, it's interesting.

801
00:45:56.400 --> 00:46:03.960
Cause I was rolled up in a mattress and like, when I came out, like I had like

802
00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:10.960
one eye closed and my eyes were full of tears and I had this limp leg and I was

803
00:46:10.960 --> 00:46:16.400
very, you know, very sad and very disheveled looking and he was like, like,

804
00:46:16.400 --> 00:46:18.160
look at her, like, what do you see?

805
00:46:18.160 --> 00:46:23.920
You know, trying to kind of help me to help her and was, you know, leading me

806
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:25.600
toward that and I couldn't feel anything.

807
00:46:25.600 --> 00:46:31.240
And he said this, like this, he basically said, this has been your child abuse.

808
00:46:31.240 --> 00:46:35.600
Like you haven't, he, he said, you haven't, you don't have compassion for her.

809
00:46:35.640 --> 00:46:36.320
You don't love her.

810
00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:37.720
You love everyone else.

811
00:46:37.720 --> 00:46:40.480
You have compassion for everybody else except her.

812
00:46:41.040 --> 00:46:43.440
And, you know, some people go, well, if you have this little girl inside of

813
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:50.880
you, then maybe you have, um, this DID, you know, dissociative, um, personality

814
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:54.160
or, you know, these different things that can feel scary, but I've let go of that.

815
00:46:54.160 --> 00:46:55.480
I'm like, I've worked in mental health.

816
00:46:55.920 --> 00:46:57.120
I've gone through what I've gone through.

817
00:46:57.120 --> 00:47:00.000
And I'm like, even if it is that that's just a, that's not bad either.

818
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:03.680
That's a coping mechanism for severe trauma, you know?

819
00:47:03.680 --> 00:47:05.520
And I know believers that are blogging about this.

820
00:47:05.520 --> 00:47:07.760
So I'm like, but he did say in that word.

821
00:47:07.760 --> 00:47:12.280
And in that vision of the little girl, he said, help her all capitals.

822
00:47:12.960 --> 00:47:13.280
Yeah.

823
00:47:13.960 --> 00:47:17.920
And so what it looks like to me, like when there's people have had traumatic events,

824
00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:24.600
now this is the way I see things is I'll see, you know, this in different ages or

825
00:47:24.600 --> 00:47:29.320
whatever, and they'll look like they're in a room, for instance, in, in, in the

826
00:47:29.320 --> 00:47:34.160
heart, in someone's heart, for lack of a better term, it's like a, it's a picture.

827
00:47:34.240 --> 00:47:34.640
Okay.

828
00:47:35.320 --> 00:47:38.040
And, and there's kind of a rescue mission.

829
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:42.800
And the thing is that if you think, just think of you, you know, I've not had

830
00:47:42.800 --> 00:47:46.600
children, but I've certainly known my, my share of them and I'm a giant boy.

831
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:47.320
Okay.

832
00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:54.880
So, you know, I want the way I would think about it is, is like you have a

833
00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:57.680
child that is learning how to survive.

834
00:47:59.000 --> 00:47:59.440
Okay.

835
00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:06.600
And so it creates rules and it builds like a kingdom, like a house, right.

836
00:48:06.680 --> 00:48:08.120
In order to protect itself.

837
00:48:08.600 --> 00:48:08.800
Yeah.

838
00:48:09.040 --> 00:48:09.320
Right.

839
00:48:09.720 --> 00:48:11.920
And this becomes part of your operating system.

840
00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:13.800
Think of like a computer.

841
00:48:13.800 --> 00:48:15.440
This is part of your operating system.

842
00:48:15.720 --> 00:48:20.360
And that was installed by whatever age you were when you went through this.

843
00:48:20.800 --> 00:48:21.080
Right.

844
00:48:21.200 --> 00:48:26.480
And so the remarkable thing is often the things that we're, you know, we're beating

845
00:48:26.480 --> 00:48:33.960
ourselves up over are things that a remarkable young five-year-old created to

846
00:48:33.960 --> 00:48:34.680
protect you.

847
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:35.640
Wow.

848
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:36.200
Yeah.

849
00:48:36.280 --> 00:48:38.880
And that little five-year-old is still there.

850
00:48:41.240 --> 00:48:41.600
Right.

851
00:48:41.680 --> 00:48:43.640
And all of those things are still in place.

852
00:48:43.640 --> 00:48:45.360
All of those things are still working.

853
00:48:45.360 --> 00:48:49.920
All of those things are still playing out in the background in your, in your

854
00:48:51.080 --> 00:48:54.880
subconscious or whatever you want to use to, to protect you.

855
00:48:54.880 --> 00:48:59.040
And those things, those rules, those ways of operating are all still functioning in

856
00:48:59.040 --> 00:49:03.320
there, but I'm, I'm telling you, like, I'm telling you that that stuff's going to

857
00:49:03.320 --> 00:49:04.400
start getting dismantled.

858
00:49:05.680 --> 00:49:06.080
Yeah.

859
00:49:07.200 --> 00:49:07.400
Yeah.

860
00:49:08.160 --> 00:49:08.880
And I believe

861
00:49:09.520 --> 00:49:10.960
is it supposed to go away?

862
00:49:10.960 --> 00:49:15.000
Is it supposed to like, when we, when we understand that there's a little girl in

863
00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:19.960
there, is it, is it like, um, we can't ignore her.

864
00:49:19.960 --> 00:49:22.840
We can't, we can't, you know, beat her up.

865
00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:25.000
We can't not care about her on the flip side.

866
00:49:25.200 --> 00:49:29.840
Or is she supposed to, what do we do for her?

867
00:49:29.880 --> 00:49:31.560
Like, is she supposed to be set free?

868
00:49:31.560 --> 00:49:34.000
Is she supposed to understand that now she can grow up?

869
00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:38.160
Cause somebody at a Sozo session, they might not have known much about this in

870
00:49:38.160 --> 00:49:39.040
their experience.

871
00:49:39.080 --> 00:49:42.840
Um, even though they're trained in Sozo when some stuff came up about the little

872
00:49:42.840 --> 00:49:43.480
girl.

873
00:49:44.480 --> 00:49:46.680
Um, I wasn't afraid of it at that point.

874
00:49:46.680 --> 00:49:50.360
Cause I used to think that was weird, like the little girl thing and, uh, maybe

875
00:49:50.360 --> 00:49:51.200
new age or something.

876
00:49:51.200 --> 00:49:52.200
I don't know why I thought that.

877
00:49:52.560 --> 00:49:53.960
Um, but I wasn't afraid of it.

878
00:49:53.960 --> 00:49:58.240
This was like two months ago, but she was almost like trying to talk to the little

879
00:49:58.240 --> 00:50:00.000
girl and not that that's bad.

880
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.560
but maybe in a way that wanted her to grow up now.

881
00:50:03.560 --> 00:50:06.520
Like it's okay now to come out and it's okay to be safe.

882
00:50:06.520 --> 00:50:08.200
And I felt in that moment,

883
00:50:08.200 --> 00:50:11.160
like I understand what you're saying and where you're going.

884
00:50:11.160 --> 00:50:14.400
And I appreciate that you're not weirded out by this

885
00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:16.240
because some people could do more damage

886
00:50:16.240 --> 00:50:17.280
by being weirded out by it.

887
00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:18.720
But it was almost like, she's like, okay,

888
00:50:18.720 --> 00:50:20.560
she has in her training some knowledge

889
00:50:20.560 --> 00:50:22.680
of this concept of being,

890
00:50:23.680 --> 00:50:26.040
there being like, there can be multiple little girls

891
00:50:26.040 --> 00:50:27.960
or multiple whatever.

892
00:50:27.960 --> 00:50:29.800
And I don't know that that's my case.

893
00:50:29.800 --> 00:50:31.560
I've had to face that because I'm like, okay,

894
00:50:31.560 --> 00:50:32.640
do I dissociate?

895
00:50:32.640 --> 00:50:35.600
And do I have all these little girls inside of me,

896
00:50:35.600 --> 00:50:36.440
the various ones?

897
00:50:36.440 --> 00:50:39.560
And how many can there be of these different personas

898
00:50:39.560 --> 00:50:41.160
or I don't know what they call them,

899
00:50:41.160 --> 00:50:44.480
like an alter or something?

900
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:47.720
Yeah, but even if I've started to let go,

901
00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:50.800
like even if, again, that is a way of coping

902
00:50:50.800 --> 00:50:54.400
that a child has to do if they're in under severe trauma.

903
00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:57.000
So it doesn't mean I'm bad either.

904
00:50:57.000 --> 00:50:58.720
It doesn't mean that I have multiple personalities

905
00:50:58.720 --> 00:50:59.560
and that I'm bad.

906
00:51:00.560 --> 00:51:01.400
And so, yeah.

907
00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:03.200
If you kind of normalize it,

908
00:51:03.200 --> 00:51:06.840
everybody dissociates to some varying degree.

909
00:51:06.840 --> 00:51:09.000
If you've ever been driving down the road

910
00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:12.640
and you get from sign 20

911
00:51:12.640 --> 00:51:14.400
and all of a sudden you're at sign two

912
00:51:14.400 --> 00:51:16.560
and you have no idea how you went from,

913
00:51:16.560 --> 00:51:19.440
you lost 18 miles and you don't know how,

914
00:51:19.440 --> 00:51:21.480
that's disassociation.

915
00:51:21.480 --> 00:51:23.520
And it happens to everybody.

916
00:51:23.520 --> 00:51:25.200
And there are people,

917
00:51:25.200 --> 00:51:26.640
and you can kind of see how you get there,

918
00:51:26.640 --> 00:51:29.200
where anytime you go through any type of a thing

919
00:51:29.200 --> 00:51:33.200
in your life that has any type of a trigger,

920
00:51:33.200 --> 00:51:35.960
which is a big word for you, by the way,

921
00:51:35.960 --> 00:51:37.560
the triggers, right?

922
00:51:37.560 --> 00:51:39.080
There's an unresolved.

923
00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:42.120
And wherever, a person put it to me this way,

924
00:51:42.120 --> 00:51:45.240
however old you were, whenever that happened,

925
00:51:45.240 --> 00:51:48.000
is how old that person is there

926
00:51:48.000 --> 00:51:51.200
and how old you respond when that place gets hit.

927
00:51:52.120 --> 00:51:54.360
So if you were 13 years old,

928
00:51:54.360 --> 00:51:56.080
whenever blah, blah, blah happened to you,

929
00:51:56.480 --> 00:51:58.720
and it doesn't have to be some huge traumatic,

930
00:51:58.720 --> 00:52:01.360
like you saw 18 people run over

931
00:52:01.360 --> 00:52:03.600
by a tractor trailer or something,

932
00:52:03.600 --> 00:52:05.520
whatever it was that you went through,

933
00:52:08.840 --> 00:52:10.440
like whatever that is,

934
00:52:10.440 --> 00:52:12.600
it's like that wound until it gets healed

935
00:52:12.600 --> 00:52:14.440
is just kind of open, is sitting there.

936
00:52:14.440 --> 00:52:17.520
And there's an element of you there that's stuck

937
00:52:17.520 --> 00:52:19.240
for lack of a better term, right?

938
00:52:20.320 --> 00:52:21.160
Yeah.

939
00:52:21.160 --> 00:52:24.160
So that's like, so I wouldn't get hung up on,

940
00:52:24.200 --> 00:52:27.240
is it DID, is it complete separate identities?

941
00:52:27.240 --> 00:52:28.240
Is it whatever?

942
00:52:29.160 --> 00:52:30.000
It doesn't really matter.

943
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:32.400
I would say I'm a visual person.

944
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:36.080
The way I would visually describe what it looks like to me

945
00:52:36.080 --> 00:52:38.960
for a resolution in something, right?

946
00:52:38.960 --> 00:52:43.960
Is that the Lord would reveal a moment in time in your life,

947
00:52:44.240 --> 00:52:47.440
a memory that's really painful, right?

948
00:52:47.440 --> 00:52:49.400
Like a traumatic event in your life.

949
00:52:49.680 --> 00:52:50.520
Yeah.

950
00:52:52.080 --> 00:52:55.560
And then He takes you,

951
00:52:55.560 --> 00:52:58.000
not only this happens in the forms of inner healing

952
00:52:58.000 --> 00:52:59.600
that I've been exposed to, okay?

953
00:53:00.640 --> 00:53:04.280
Then He takes you back to that place

954
00:53:04.280 --> 00:53:06.680
and He reclaims that part of your history.

955
00:53:06.680 --> 00:53:08.200
He reframes your history there.

956
00:53:08.200 --> 00:53:10.920
And this isn't like a mental,

957
00:53:10.920 --> 00:53:13.560
I need to, I'm gonna rehearse this in my mind

958
00:53:13.560 --> 00:53:15.600
to a new way of doing it.

959
00:53:15.600 --> 00:53:18.400
He comes in, just like He'll heal a broken bone,

960
00:53:18.400 --> 00:53:20.560
He comes in and heals that memory.

961
00:53:20.560 --> 00:53:22.600
Once that memory is healed,

962
00:53:22.600 --> 00:53:25.120
and as weird as this sounds, okay?

963
00:53:25.120 --> 00:53:27.760
But I think you'll have a grid for what I'm about to say.

964
00:53:27.760 --> 00:53:28.920
Okay?

965
00:53:28.920 --> 00:53:31.680
That's when you can literally talk to that little girl.

966
00:53:32.840 --> 00:53:36.480
And you tell her like a mom would to a little girl.

967
00:53:36.480 --> 00:53:37.320
Yeah.

968
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:38.600
Because the problem is,

969
00:53:38.600 --> 00:53:41.160
we look at ourselves when we're young

970
00:53:42.360 --> 00:53:44.640
through the eyes of an adult,

971
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:46.640
even though we were a child.

972
00:53:46.640 --> 00:53:50.000
If I were to say that it was your five-year-old,

973
00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:54.680
you would be so sorry that it happened

974
00:53:54.680 --> 00:53:58.080
and so proud of how they've managed all that they've done.

975
00:53:59.600 --> 00:54:01.880
You would want them to feel safe.

976
00:54:01.880 --> 00:54:03.960
You would want them to feel loved.

977
00:54:03.960 --> 00:54:06.960
You would want to wrap them up in your arms

978
00:54:06.960 --> 00:54:09.120
and make it all better, right?

979
00:54:09.120 --> 00:54:13.440
But the problem is that that little girl is you.

980
00:54:13.440 --> 00:54:14.280
It's me.

981
00:54:15.120 --> 00:54:15.960
Yeah.

982
00:54:15.960 --> 00:54:16.800
Right.

983
00:54:16.800 --> 00:54:19.720
And why does that change when it's you versus,

984
00:54:19.720 --> 00:54:22.160
I would have compassion again for a real child,

985
00:54:22.160 --> 00:54:24.560
my own children, any other, any child,

986
00:54:24.560 --> 00:54:27.320
or even the child in you,

987
00:54:27.320 --> 00:54:29.200
if you were describing this to me,

988
00:54:30.840 --> 00:54:32.240
but it's like-

989
00:54:32.240 --> 00:54:35.880
Full circle to the first part of our conversation.

990
00:54:35.880 --> 00:54:38.440
You have to choose you first,

991
00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:43.360
meaning like you have to fully unconditionally accept

992
00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:46.800
who you are, like just all of you,

993
00:54:46.800 --> 00:54:49.320
as the phrase goes, you know, warts and all,

994
00:54:49.320 --> 00:54:50.880
because that's how God sees you,

995
00:54:50.880 --> 00:54:52.240
sees you as that high value.

996
00:54:52.240 --> 00:54:55.360
He's declared that that's your high value,

997
00:54:55.360 --> 00:54:58.120
but he can see you that way all he wants,

998
00:54:58.120 --> 00:55:00.040
but you don't get to experience.

999
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.280
It's living that acceptance until you choose to receive yourself to the degree

1000
00:55:05.280 --> 00:55:06.440
that God receives you.

1001
00:55:06.440 --> 00:55:11.360
So it's that little girl, it's that whole aspect of like, be enough for you.

1002
00:55:11.960 --> 00:55:15.880
Will you allow yourself to be enough to yourself?

1003
00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:19.600
I guess if you're looking at another being like this little girl or, you

1004
00:55:19.600 --> 00:55:21.880
know, these other parts of your, you know, whatever, meaning like these

1005
00:55:21.880 --> 00:55:25.040
other aspects and areas of our life, you know, that might've gotten

1006
00:55:25.040 --> 00:55:28.960
stunned and at various ages, I've got my own, you know, and in like,

1007
00:55:28.960 --> 00:55:33.360
will you allow that part of you as weird as this sounds, will you allow

1008
00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:39.120
that part of you to be enough to the big part of you, will they be enough

1009
00:55:39.120 --> 00:55:44.640
for you and will you fully accept them unconditionally without requiring

1010
00:55:44.640 --> 00:55:49.240
of them, without emotionally requiring of them to ever change.

1011
00:55:50.240 --> 00:55:55.040
That's the only way they will feel safe enough to change, to grow, to

1012
00:55:55.040 --> 00:55:56.720
release, to be free.

1013
00:55:57.120 --> 00:56:00.880
If you no longer emotionally require them to be any different than

1014
00:56:00.880 --> 00:56:02.880
what they are to fully accept them.

1015
00:56:03.560 --> 00:56:08.160
And then once they do that, boom, they now feel safe enough to let it go.

1016
00:56:08.560 --> 00:56:13.720
The reason that we create these, these, um, these structures around us, you

1017
00:56:13.720 --> 00:56:18.320
know, regardless of what age that we're at is because we don't feel, we don't

1018
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:22.480
feel, you know, safe enough to be our true selves.

1019
00:56:22.680 --> 00:56:25.520
And so we just put this like protection around, like this false

1020
00:56:25.520 --> 00:56:27.160
self that itself that we've created.

1021
00:56:27.440 --> 00:56:32.400
But when we're fully received as weird as it sounds in our false self and who

1022
00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:36.560
it is that we think that we are, then finally we feel safe enough to no

1023
00:56:36.560 --> 00:56:38.680
longer be the thing that's not us anyway.

1024
00:56:39.200 --> 00:56:39.720
Right.

1025
00:56:39.760 --> 00:56:45.840
I know that that sounds very backwards, but it is wild how that, how, how true

1026
00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:48.920
that is is total side note.

1027
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:54.600
Um, you remember that, um, uh, uh, I'm trying to remember if, um, nevermind.

1028
00:56:54.600 --> 00:56:57.480
I can't mention the name because I don't think that she's made it public, but

1029
00:56:57.480 --> 00:57:01.920
there's somebody in the rest intensive that I have walked through a major weight.

1030
00:57:02.120 --> 00:57:02.620
Issue.

1031
00:57:02.960 --> 00:57:06.240
And so they posted some of that in the, in the old post from like a year or two

1032
00:57:06.240 --> 00:57:09.200
ago, something like that in a way they were struggling to lose weight.

1033
00:57:09.200 --> 00:57:12.920
And I told them, I said, you have to accept and love your body, not

1034
00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:20.360
ever requiring of it to change, like finally stop requiring it emotionally.

1035
00:57:20.360 --> 00:57:23.480
Stop requiring it to ever be different than what it is and

1036
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:25.000
accept it and love it the way it is.

1037
00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:27.440
I'm not just accept it kind of like, okay, well, fine.

1038
00:57:27.480 --> 00:57:31.280
It's just the way that it's going to have to be love it for what it is.

1039
00:57:31.480 --> 00:57:33.840
I said, then it will feel safe enough to change because no

1040
00:57:33.840 --> 00:57:36.560
matter what they were doing, they were losing, they were, they

1041
00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:38.160
were exercising really hard.

1042
00:57:38.440 --> 00:57:42.160
They were, um, they were trying to eat healthy and they were like, no matter

1043
00:57:42.160 --> 00:57:44.120
what I do, Ashley, it's not working.

1044
00:57:44.120 --> 00:57:47.440
Like according to the laws of science, it's not working.

1045
00:57:47.880 --> 00:57:51.160
And, um, and so I told them, so you have to fully accept yourself.

1046
00:57:51.160 --> 00:57:54.200
And then, and so without trying.

1047
00:57:54.920 --> 00:58:00.000
With while they were pregnant, they lost weight without trying all the

1048
00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:03.280
exercise and without trying all of the eating, whatever, because their

1049
00:58:03.280 --> 00:58:06.680
body is in self-protection mode, you know, just like those different

1050
00:58:06.680 --> 00:58:10.640
aspects of our soul, like five-year-old or whatever that, you know, an aspect

1051
00:58:10.640 --> 00:58:14.080
of you, you know, that may have just stopped as soon as something traumatic.

1052
00:58:15.080 --> 00:58:18.600
You know, we have these different aspects of ourself that just do not

1053
00:58:18.600 --> 00:58:24.040
feel safe enough to grow, to be curious, to discover, to get bigger, to, you

1054
00:58:24.040 --> 00:58:27.520
know, get out, get up and out in the world and, and to change.

1055
00:58:27.680 --> 00:58:29.000
And so they just stop.

1056
00:58:29.000 --> 00:58:34.040
So as soon as they're fully accepted in their mess and in their lives and in

1057
00:58:34.040 --> 00:58:38.240
their unbelief and in their trauma and in their, and in the horrible pain of

1058
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:40.880
whatever it is that they experienced and how they chose to deal with it.

1059
00:58:41.440 --> 00:58:45.680
As soon as they're fully accepted there, they will finally start responding in

1060
00:58:45.680 --> 00:58:50.160
their, uh, out of their default function, which is the way God created

1061
00:58:50.160 --> 00:58:51.800
them, which is to not stay there.

1062
00:58:52.600 --> 00:58:57.200
Which is to, to grow and to, and to be free in the Lord, because that's the

1063
00:58:57.200 --> 00:59:00.520
way that they were naturally created to be.

1064
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:04.640
So as soon as they feel loved and accepted for what it is that they are,

1065
00:59:04.640 --> 00:59:08.160
which sounds very backwards, because it sounds like we're giving our stamp of

1066
00:59:08.160 --> 00:59:12.360
approval, but we're not, we're not approving this, the sin, the unbelief,

1067
00:59:12.360 --> 00:59:15.520
the problem we're just like, Hey, look, you don't never have to change in

1068
00:59:15.520 --> 00:59:16.920
order for you to be enough for me.

1069
00:59:17.360 --> 00:59:18.840
Then it will finally change.

1070
00:59:18.880 --> 00:59:22.600
It is shocking how that will, how that will begin to heal things.

1071
00:59:22.600 --> 00:59:28.160
So anyway, making a, making a comment that you're like, you know, this is

1072
00:59:28.160 --> 00:59:30.280
coming full circle back to what we started with.

1073
00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:33.840
So I think that maybe the Lord is like really just putting it on, you know,

1074
00:59:33.880 --> 00:59:38.000
putting it in the air and like making this the, the theme of the, of the visit

1075
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:43.200
tonight, because you were asking, you know, well, how, why is it so hard to

1076
00:59:43.200 --> 00:59:44.160
accept me?

1077
00:59:44.240 --> 00:59:50.520
Why is it so hard that I expect more out of me as a five-year-old than I do with

1078
00:59:50.520 --> 00:59:54.600
my child and out of somebody else or somebody else's, you know, back when

1079
00:59:54.600 --> 00:59:56.760
they, their history back when they were five.

1080
00:59:57.200 --> 00:59:59.800
And so you really do have to.

1081
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.440
and choose yourself, you know, completely.

1082
01:00:02.520 --> 01:00:03.880
It's an intentional choice.

1083
01:00:03.880 --> 01:00:08.720
And can I just say sure, something really fast, because I want to hear what you're

1084
01:00:08.720 --> 01:00:12.720
saying, Ed, but I realized as you were talking, Ashley, that are both of you

1085
01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:20.160
really that like, I, I, I resisted when you were talking about accepting the

1086
01:00:20.160 --> 01:00:22.460
little girl or whatever parts or whatever.

1087
01:00:22.460 --> 01:00:27.280
And like, it was like my, my initial reaction was to tense up and resist and

1088
01:00:27.280 --> 01:00:31.640
be like, but no, like, because I think I've been looking at them.

1089
01:00:32.280 --> 01:00:33.600
Obviously I haven't been accepting them.

1090
01:00:33.600 --> 01:00:38.880
Obviously I haven't been thinking that it's okay to even be there or it's

1091
01:00:38.880 --> 01:00:40.840
okay to even have a little girl, you know?

1092
01:00:41.200 --> 01:00:46.200
Um, but, but then on top of that, I realized I'm looking at her, we'll

1093
01:00:46.200 --> 01:00:51.480
just call it her through this critical lens of a mother, right?

1094
01:00:51.720 --> 01:00:57.760
Because I had this critical narcissistic mother who didn't know how to love.

1095
01:00:58.040 --> 01:01:00.360
And that's all I knew and all I've known ever.

1096
01:01:01.880 --> 01:01:03.800
Cause that was what was modeled for you.

1097
01:01:03.920 --> 01:01:04.280
Yeah.

1098
01:01:04.280 --> 01:01:09.200
So then I'm like, I'm just, I've realized I'm just taking that on toward that same

1099
01:01:09.200 --> 01:01:13.680
little girl that she did going, no, you're not allowed and you're not, you know,

1100
01:01:13.880 --> 01:01:17.440
you're, you're being ridiculous and you're being, you know, whatever she would say.

1101
01:01:17.920 --> 01:01:20.520
Um, no better, you should have been stronger.

1102
01:01:20.520 --> 01:01:21.600
I taught you better.

1103
01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:22.080
Yeah.

1104
01:01:22.520 --> 01:01:22.800
Yeah.

1105
01:01:22.800 --> 01:01:24.200
That's what's your problem.

1106
01:01:24.240 --> 01:01:24.960
Yeah, exactly.

1107
01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:25.960
So thank you for sharing.

1108
01:01:26.880 --> 01:01:37.840
It makes, you know, a sense to have all those, those fears, you know, and, but a

1109
01:01:37.840 --> 01:01:44.040
symptom of this type of thing is there's an aspect of you that never been able to

1110
01:01:44.040 --> 01:01:49.960
connect with, like there's almost like a disconnectedness within yourself and your

1111
01:01:49.960 --> 01:01:51.640
emotions and things at times.

1112
01:01:51.680 --> 01:01:52.040
Right.

1113
01:01:52.360 --> 01:01:58.000
And the reality is that these, I know it sounds weird to keep talking about these

1114
01:01:58.000 --> 01:02:00.560
little girls, like they're little extra people.

1115
01:02:00.600 --> 01:02:00.920
Right.

1116
01:02:01.240 --> 01:02:04.520
But really all it is, is just aspects of who you are.

1117
01:02:05.040 --> 01:02:05.680
It's you.

1118
01:02:06.280 --> 01:02:11.800
And so the word is, and if you wanted to talk about the extreme DID SRA, all of

1119
01:02:11.800 --> 01:02:12.880
these types of things, right.

1120
01:02:13.080 --> 01:02:15.320
The word is integration, right?

1121
01:02:15.760 --> 01:02:18.640
And there's a, there's a, Hey, let me introduce you to Jesus.

1122
01:02:18.640 --> 01:02:19.320
He's safe.

1123
01:02:20.080 --> 01:02:24.120
I know this man or whatever, this person is not, has not been safe, but I can tell

1124
01:02:24.120 --> 01:02:26.400
you, I know you, right.

1125
01:02:26.560 --> 01:02:27.120
He's safe.

1126
01:02:27.160 --> 01:02:28.640
Let me introduce you to Jesus.

1127
01:02:29.040 --> 01:02:29.360
Right.

1128
01:02:29.680 --> 01:02:32.760
And then you're like, you know, you, and then you're like, I know this sounds

1129
01:02:32.760 --> 01:02:33.320
strange.

1130
01:02:33.320 --> 01:02:33.720
Okay.

1131
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:37.320
But I'm telling you, I've, I have seen it.

1132
01:02:37.400 --> 01:02:38.320
I've been there.

1133
01:02:38.360 --> 01:02:42.560
I've watched it unfold where it's like, you've done such a good job.

1134
01:02:43.840 --> 01:02:45.320
I'm so proud of you.

1135
01:02:46.680 --> 01:02:51.240
You know, and the Lord is proud of you and you don't have to keep trying

1136
01:02:51.240 --> 01:02:53.520
anymore and come home.

1137
01:02:53.680 --> 01:02:54.080
Right.

1138
01:02:54.560 --> 01:02:59.640
And somehow, well, one person, it was like, the Lord led them into the closet.

1139
01:02:59.680 --> 01:03:01.320
Like, I don't really know.

1140
01:03:01.320 --> 01:03:01.720
Right.

1141
01:03:01.880 --> 01:03:07.120
And then that person, then you're, you're like more whole, like there's a wholeness

1142
01:03:07.120 --> 01:03:08.720
that comes into, into that.

1143
01:03:08.720 --> 01:03:12.520
And I have a couple other things I want to share, but the only analogy I have

1144
01:03:12.520 --> 01:03:16.400
for personally that I'll share, and this is very minuscule in comparison to some

1145
01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:20.400
of what we're talking about is, you know, I went through the season and I was

1146
01:03:20.400 --> 01:03:23.680
talking about, God, I want to be able to hear, like I hear from my, everybody,

1147
01:03:23.920 --> 01:03:27.600
everybody thinks, because I can hear from you that I can hear that I'm like

1148
01:03:27.600 --> 01:03:28.640
dancing with angels.

1149
01:03:28.640 --> 01:03:33.800
And I hear like, he, I know, I know six weeks in advance, what movie's going to

1150
01:03:33.800 --> 01:03:36.920
come out and what's it in and all of that.

1151
01:03:36.920 --> 01:03:38.040
And it's never been that way.

1152
01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:42.400
Why can't I hear from myself and blah, blah, blah.

1153
01:03:42.640 --> 01:03:44.960
And people would be like, you know, and it's self-hatred.

1154
01:03:45.800 --> 01:03:46.760
It's self-rejection.

1155
01:03:46.920 --> 01:03:51.280
I'm like, you can reject yourself.

1156
01:03:51.280 --> 01:03:54.600
Like they'll all talk about self-hatred.

1157
01:03:54.760 --> 01:03:55.960
That was the word that came up.

1158
01:03:55.960 --> 01:03:59.520
I wanted to reject her when you were saying you need to accept her.

1159
01:03:59.520 --> 01:04:01.200
I wanted to be like, no, she doesn't deserve.

1160
01:04:01.200 --> 01:04:02.080
I want to reject her.

1161
01:04:02.960 --> 01:04:03.640
Exactly.

1162
01:04:03.800 --> 01:04:08.040
And, and, and, but everybody wants to talk about the diagnosis, but nobody

1163
01:04:08.040 --> 01:04:09.960
ever wanted to like, oh, Mike, fine.

1164
01:04:10.680 --> 01:04:11.200
You know?

1165
01:04:11.200 --> 01:04:11.640
Okay.

1166
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:13.160
So what do you do about it?

1167
01:04:13.160 --> 01:04:16.320
And then, and then my attitude became like, look, I don't need

1168
01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:17.360
somebody to tell me anymore.

1169
01:04:17.360 --> 01:04:17.920
What's the wrong.

1170
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:19.200
If you can't help me, then shut up.

1171
01:04:19.200 --> 01:04:20.200
I don't want to hear it anymore.

1172
01:04:21.120 --> 01:04:22.120
That was where I was.

1173
01:04:22.800 --> 01:04:24.160
And I was in South Africa.

1174
01:04:24.760 --> 01:04:28.840
And this guy's car with a bunch of young men and we're going on a men's retreat.

1175
01:04:30.000 --> 01:04:33.320
And these young guys, there were two old, two of us that were older.

1176
01:04:33.440 --> 01:04:33.920
Right.

1177
01:04:34.040 --> 01:04:35.680
And, uh, and he's a good friend of mine.

1178
01:04:36.160 --> 01:04:39.640
Um, yeah, actually knows him and, and we were driving and they

1179
01:04:39.640 --> 01:04:41.720
were playing this eighties music.

1180
01:04:41.760 --> 01:04:43.520
Hey, did you guys remember this song?

1181
01:04:43.520 --> 01:04:45.080
Did you play this song or whatever?

1182
01:04:45.520 --> 01:04:51.560
And I remembered, I had this reaction of like, no, right.

1183
01:04:51.840 --> 01:04:52.960
And I hate the eighties.

1184
01:04:53.040 --> 01:04:54.680
They're like, I don't like the eighties music.

1185
01:04:54.920 --> 01:04:57.760
And I was this guy that I never wanted to get tracked.

1186
01:04:57.800 --> 01:04:59.960
Like I knew I'd have a friend.

1187
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.560
in high school, he never left the nineties, right?

1188
01:05:02.760 --> 01:05:05.760
It's like he doesn't listen to music past the nineties.

1189
01:05:05.960 --> 01:05:08.360
He just got stuck in the nineties and that wasn't going to be me.

1190
01:05:08.360 --> 01:05:10.600
And I was going to keep moving forward no matter what.

1191
01:05:11.600 --> 01:05:15.400
Yeah, I was like, and I noticed the severity of my reaction.

1192
01:05:15.400 --> 01:05:17.400
I was like, wow.

1193
01:05:17.600 --> 01:05:20.280
I was like, what is that about?

1194
01:05:20.440 --> 01:05:25.000
And and then I started to forcibly with great.

1195
01:05:26.000 --> 01:05:30.640
The internal distress, go back to the time period of the music

1196
01:05:31.200 --> 01:05:34.680
and realize that there were actually good things that were going on in that time.

1197
01:05:36.000 --> 01:05:38.520
But in my effort to move forward,

1198
01:05:39.240 --> 01:05:43.320
it was like I was constantly rejecting because I wanted to get better.

1199
01:05:43.320 --> 01:05:45.680
I wanted to improve. I wanted to move forward. Right.

1200
01:05:46.000 --> 01:05:50.040
What I'm realizing because he shows me this picture

1201
01:05:51.000 --> 01:05:54.440
of me and I'm wearing what was the time

1202
01:05:54.440 --> 01:05:57.520
my favorite soccer jersey my uncle had brought back from Brazil.

1203
01:05:58.040 --> 01:06:01.960
And I was a little awkward at the time

1204
01:06:01.960 --> 01:06:05.560
and I was a little pudgy and the shirt was a little tight.

1205
01:06:05.800 --> 01:06:07.360
And I saw it right away.

1206
01:06:07.360 --> 01:06:11.080
And I was kind of like, oh, God, like I don't like I just knew.

1207
01:06:11.080 --> 01:06:12.160
I just didn't want to whatever.

1208
01:06:12.160 --> 01:06:16.040
And the Lord says, you know, and somebody has to love this kid.

1209
01:06:16.840 --> 01:06:22.920
Hmm. And I was like, oh, wait a minute.

1210
01:06:24.440 --> 01:06:27.520
And for the first time, I had a tactile thing I could grab

1211
01:06:28.320 --> 01:06:32.080
of this self-hatred thing, pull the thread from

1212
01:06:33.280 --> 01:06:36.240
was that there was this little boy. Right.

1213
01:06:36.400 --> 01:06:39.760
And then that picture doesn't have any trauma or whatever in it

1214
01:06:39.760 --> 01:06:40.480
that I'm aware of.

1215
01:06:40.480 --> 01:06:45.960
But I had been, in a sense, rejecting myself all these years. Right.

1216
01:06:46.200 --> 01:06:48.800
And so he said, what about this kid?

1217
01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:50.560
And then what about this one?

1218
01:06:50.560 --> 01:06:51.880
And then what about this one?

1219
01:06:51.880 --> 01:06:54.080
And I was all day. Everybody's doing their own thing.

1220
01:06:54.080 --> 01:06:54.920
I was off by myself.

1221
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:56.760
The Lord, I wish I could wish I could tell you

1222
01:06:56.760 --> 01:06:58.280
I got to the bottom of all that. I didn't.

1223
01:07:00.120 --> 01:07:02.040
And then he said, oh, yeah.

1224
01:07:02.040 --> 01:07:06.040
And what about this guy that messed your whole life up?

1225
01:07:07.840 --> 01:07:08.920
What about him?

1226
01:07:08.920 --> 01:07:12.240
And if you can't love that guy, then how can you love all the other ones?

1227
01:07:12.720 --> 01:07:15.560
Mm hmm. You know?

1228
01:07:15.560 --> 01:07:20.760
And and so this whole thing about rejection and not loving yourself,

1229
01:07:21.000 --> 01:07:24.480
that's the only analogy I have of what is it with this little kid?

1230
01:07:25.720 --> 01:07:30.520
It's just like she's saying about loving yourself, choosing yourself.

1231
01:07:30.880 --> 01:07:32.760
It's it's going to feel really selfish.

1232
01:07:32.760 --> 01:07:35.000
And I'm telling you, talking to.

1233
01:07:35.000 --> 01:07:38.720
That's what's been said all these years is self-care is selfish.

1234
01:07:38.720 --> 01:07:41.240
And if you take care of yourself, you're being selfish.

1235
01:07:41.240 --> 01:07:44.840
And so this ingrained idea, you know, but then I can see the self-hatred.

1236
01:07:44.840 --> 01:07:47.120
That's absolutely what it's been.

1237
01:07:47.120 --> 01:07:50.480
And what it's become is I can't love myself. That's selfish.

1238
01:07:51.040 --> 01:07:52.160
Then there's a scripture.

1239
01:07:52.160 --> 01:07:53.880
Love your neighbor as yourself.

1240
01:07:53.880 --> 01:07:55.200
Exactly right. If you can't.

1241
01:07:55.200 --> 01:07:58.120
So some people say exactly right.

1242
01:07:58.120 --> 01:07:59.360
And that's been my thing.

1243
01:07:59.360 --> 01:08:01.760
That's been a scripture that's hung on me for a while.

1244
01:08:02.240 --> 01:08:06.520
But I've had other instances like this where I've had mysteries

1245
01:08:06.520 --> 01:08:07.480
about my own childhood.

1246
01:08:07.480 --> 01:08:11.000
But the point simply was I started realizing

1247
01:08:11.520 --> 01:08:16.080
that I really didn't like I didn't like the person in front of me

1248
01:08:17.399 --> 01:08:19.040
in a sense.

1249
01:08:19.319 --> 01:08:23.359
But the reality was that there's a whole history of me

1250
01:08:24.120 --> 01:08:28.680
that I have been sticking in, you know, in a sense in trying to move forward.

1251
01:08:28.920 --> 01:08:31.080
And and that's a mild version.

1252
01:08:31.080 --> 01:08:35.560
I think it's a very simplistic analogy of what it is that we're talking about.

1253
01:08:35.560 --> 01:08:39.200
And it may seem strange to you to be talking to us to a five year old

1254
01:08:39.720 --> 01:08:42.760
in your what it feels like your imagination or something.

1255
01:08:42.760 --> 01:08:46.120
But I'm telling you, like, I believe the Lord is going to lead you on a journey.

1256
01:08:46.840 --> 01:08:50.040
Now, he may use, I don't know, Christian healing ministries

1257
01:08:50.040 --> 01:08:50.840
that I came out of.

1258
01:08:50.840 --> 01:08:55.160
He may use sozo or this other group or whatever. Right.

1259
01:08:55.960 --> 01:08:59.160
You know, I you know, I feel like he's going to start.

1260
01:08:59.680 --> 01:09:03.399
And in the process of this, also, I see a disarming of triggers

1261
01:09:03.920 --> 01:09:08.120
because I have a feeling that you have more than a couple of triggers. Right.

1262
01:09:08.600 --> 01:09:12.840
I'm sure he's learning all about them as he's going about in your new relationship.

1263
01:09:12.840 --> 01:09:16.520
Right. And, you know, and and those things are like,

1264
01:09:17.120 --> 01:09:20.640
think about when you have a bruise on your arm or you you you just

1265
01:09:20.840 --> 01:09:25.240
when somebody just touches your hand, you want to recoil, you know.

1266
01:09:25.479 --> 01:09:29.200
And again, it's tied to a moment in time and place.

1267
01:09:29.200 --> 01:09:32.240
And the Lord's going to start to is kind of like has to go

1268
01:09:32.800 --> 01:09:36.680
in the wiring, in the operating system, whatever, to go underneath

1269
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:38.160
to deal with the root.

1270
01:09:38.160 --> 01:09:40.160
And then it's like that area is knotted.

1271
01:09:40.520 --> 01:09:42.359
That area is knotted in you.

1272
01:09:42.359 --> 01:09:45.439
And then it releases and then toxins and all the other stuff

1273
01:09:45.439 --> 01:09:47.319
gets released in that process.

1274
01:09:47.319 --> 01:09:50.920
And the other there's two things I want to mention.

1275
01:09:51.319 --> 01:09:52.800
I don't know how long we're supposed to be.

1276
01:09:52.800 --> 01:09:54.240
I can just babble on sometimes.

1277
01:09:54.240 --> 01:09:58.360
So you have to watch me is a lot of good stuff is.

1278
01:10:00.960 --> 01:10:01.780
The Lord taught me.

1279
01:10:01.780 --> 01:10:04.320
And I feel like this is going to be a big one for you.

1280
01:10:05.240 --> 01:10:08.620
Um, and there's tools in which we learn to deal with it, but everybody

1281
01:10:08.620 --> 01:10:10.160
wants to talk about forgiveness.

1282
01:10:11.360 --> 01:10:11.760
Come on.

1283
01:10:12.120 --> 01:10:13.840
This is like the biggest topic right now.

1284
01:10:13.840 --> 01:10:16.040
I have the forgiveness book sitting next to us.

1285
01:10:16.040 --> 01:10:20.440
Look at, look at one of many I'm sure.

1286
01:10:20.440 --> 01:10:23.120
But so, and everybody talks about it.

1287
01:10:23.120 --> 01:10:26.840
Forgive, forgive, forgive, you know, you're like, Oh my God, I've forgiven

1288
01:10:27.480 --> 01:10:36.280
everybody, like I've forgiven my ex-husband, like 365,000 times, you know?

1289
01:10:36.280 --> 01:10:37.640
And right.

1290
01:10:38.120 --> 01:10:41.600
But there are these elastic things that it was like, we keep trying to

1291
01:10:41.600 --> 01:10:43.240
forget and they just keep coming back.

1292
01:10:43.280 --> 01:10:43.680
Right.

1293
01:10:44.640 --> 01:10:46.640
And the Lord showed me once.

1294
01:10:48.200 --> 01:10:51.020
And I, I have a feeling this is going to mean something to you

1295
01:10:52.280 --> 01:10:53.560
because it's another heart thing.

1296
01:10:54.160 --> 01:11:01.520
Um, the word came to me, safe Harbor, safe Harbor, safe Harbor, safe Harbor, safe.

1297
01:11:01.520 --> 01:11:02.160
Harbor, right.

1298
01:11:02.160 --> 01:11:02.400
Right.

1299
01:11:03.760 --> 01:11:07.880
And I was thinking about the safe Harbors that the pirates used

1300
01:11:07.880 --> 01:11:12.160
to use to shelter during storms.

1301
01:11:12.960 --> 01:11:16.160
So you go into these safe Harbors and they're safe from other people, but

1302
01:11:16.160 --> 01:11:20.160
they're safe from the elements and the waters and, you know, all the rough

1303
01:11:20.160 --> 01:11:24.280
weather and they would come and they would stay in this safe Harbor.

1304
01:11:24.280 --> 01:11:28.040
And the Lord asks me, Ed, what are you harboring?

1305
01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:34.800
And I'm like, Oh, Oh, I don't know if I like where this is going.

1306
01:11:35.880 --> 01:11:36.520
There's a tone.

1307
01:11:36.520 --> 01:11:40.480
He has at times what I know he's not asking me to answer his question.

1308
01:11:40.480 --> 01:11:41.840
He's trying to tell me something.

1309
01:11:41.840 --> 01:11:43.600
And I don't know if I like where this is going.

1310
01:11:44.080 --> 01:11:44.440
Okay.

1311
01:11:46.200 --> 01:11:50.800
And so he started to show me some things that I didn't realize that

1312
01:11:50.800 --> 01:11:52.440
I was harboring in my own heart.

1313
01:11:53.120 --> 01:11:59.760
But for our purposes here, he showed me a boat and the boat had a name

1314
01:12:00.640 --> 01:12:02.440
and the name belonged to a person.

1315
01:12:03.640 --> 01:12:08.240
And there were all of these, these chains to anchors that

1316
01:12:08.240 --> 01:12:11.280
were, um, down anchored into the soil.

1317
01:12:11.920 --> 01:12:16.160
And each of those chains was written what that person had done to me.

1318
01:12:18.040 --> 01:12:22.720
And he said, Ed saying, you forgive this person, you know, without

1319
01:12:22.720 --> 01:12:27.320
forgiving what they've done to you is like telling this boat to sail out of

1320
01:12:27.320 --> 01:12:29.560
this Harbor without pulling up the anchors.

1321
01:12:32.480 --> 01:12:37.880
So there's an aspect in forgiveness where we really have to, and it's not fun.

1322
01:12:38.440 --> 01:12:38.960
Okay.

1323
01:12:39.280 --> 01:12:45.120
Depending on who it is, where we really have to go and forgive the very things

1324
01:12:45.360 --> 01:12:53.360
specifically that have been done or they did, or that the hardest one, what we've

1325
01:12:53.360 --> 01:13:00.440
done in order for that, and then what it looks like for you, it looks like a

1326
01:13:00.440 --> 01:13:06.600
release because there's a lot of spiritual activity that's been around you in your

1327
01:13:06.600 --> 01:13:07.100
life.

1328
01:13:08.000 --> 01:13:10.880
And I don't know where you are with this terminology, but I'm just going to use

1329
01:13:10.880 --> 01:13:13.120
the word that I, that I know of, right.

1330
01:13:13.160 --> 01:13:16.400
You've been exposed to a tremendous amount of witchcraft and I don't mean

1331
01:13:16.400 --> 01:13:19.840
necessarily, we use that word now that we know what it is.

1332
01:13:19.880 --> 01:13:21.800
We're like, this is, this is witchcraft.

1333
01:13:21.800 --> 01:13:26.400
And I'm getting these witchcraft dreams when I interact or somebody's, I mean,

1334
01:13:26.400 --> 01:13:31.880
like the moment that somebody emails me, the moment that somebody, um, cuts me off

1335
01:13:31.880 --> 01:13:35.960
on Facebook or, you know, if it is witchcraft related, I will get a stab in

1336
01:13:35.960 --> 01:13:39.840
my ear, stab in my back, a physical sensation.

1337
01:13:39.880 --> 01:13:43.400
Or I had like, I was just running to the bathroom sick the other night when Sam

1338
01:13:43.400 --> 01:13:46.120
started the email stuff, believing again, I'm bad.

1339
01:13:46.120 --> 01:13:46.520
I'm evil.

1340
01:13:46.520 --> 01:13:48.040
My, my kids don't even need me.

1341
01:13:48.040 --> 01:13:49.200
Like I'm not good for Nick.

1342
01:13:49.200 --> 01:13:51.760
Like just suddenly I'm believing I'm evil.

1343
01:13:51.760 --> 01:13:53.680
I'm bad in that moment.

1344
01:13:53.680 --> 01:13:54.880
I'm like, this is witchcraft.

1345
01:13:55.520 --> 01:13:56.360
Yeah, go ahead.

1346
01:13:57.320 --> 01:13:59.760
Rick has this little booklet in it.

1347
01:13:59.800 --> 01:14:04.080
And he talks about witchcraft, not in the sense of like, you know, women with green

1348
01:14:04.120 --> 01:14:08.480
faces and warded noses and, and broomsticks putting toadstool or

1349
01:14:08.480 --> 01:14:10.200
whatever that is into a culture.

1350
01:14:10.680 --> 01:14:11.000
Right.

1351
01:14:11.000 --> 01:14:11.360
Right.

1352
01:14:11.440 --> 01:14:20.520
It's really any form of manipulation is a form of witchcraft and somehow, even if

1353
01:14:20.520 --> 01:14:25.600
people aren't casting spells on you or cursing you in the sense of whatever, you

1354
01:14:25.600 --> 01:14:30.400
know, words have power, just like, you know, Jesus person to fig tree or whatever

1355
01:14:30.400 --> 01:14:33.640
the case is, you know, we have life and death on the tongue, but there's

1356
01:14:33.640 --> 01:14:37.960
a spiritual response to the things that are said, right.

1357
01:14:38.280 --> 01:14:40.280
And you throughout your whole life.

1358
01:14:41.240 --> 01:14:43.920
And I think that in the end, when you walk through the other side of this, you're

1359
01:14:43.920 --> 01:14:46.280
going to be unbelievably sensitive in a good way.

1360
01:14:46.760 --> 01:14:48.760
And you are really are a seer.

1361
01:14:49.760 --> 01:14:52.960
I'm telling you, like I knew it while I was sitting in the chair over there

1362
01:14:52.960 --> 01:14:56.840
before I even opened your mail, you really are a seer and the Lord's going to

1363
01:14:56.840 --> 01:14:58.440
open up all this stuff and redeem it.

1364
01:14:58.680 --> 01:15:00.000
I'm telling you, I'm telling.

1365
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.560
Like I'm telling you, that's the truth and that you've been under tremendous amount of witchcraft of late and sustained attack.

1366
01:15:08.240 --> 01:15:15.680
And that's why, like, I was almost suspicious that there was someone in your ex's life that was involved in stuff that they shouldn't be.

1367
01:15:16.080 --> 01:15:17.440
But just the fact that he.

1368
01:15:21.240 --> 01:15:29.000
Because I actually got the sense today as I was driving home from all this stuff of not, you know, getting my daughter and then getting served this, you know,

1369
01:15:29.000 --> 01:15:35.880
emotion that my kids, you know, can't see me right now and all this, I, I suddenly like something hit me and I'm like, is this you Lord?

1370
01:15:35.880 --> 01:15:40.720
And I'm still asking him, but I was like, oh my goodness, what if I'm a seer?

1371
01:15:41.320 --> 01:15:41.840
So it's funny.

1372
01:15:42.200 --> 01:15:50.360
And like, what if these dreams and things that I've been having, maybe they all, I mean, I can't imagine that they all happened to me.

1373
01:15:50.440 --> 01:15:55.360
I mean, I really don't know that any of them happened to me, but what if I'm seeing them for other people?

1374
01:15:56.120 --> 01:16:05.360
Like, what if my husband, I mean, my ex-husband, like God gave me a compassion from him in the moment I forgave him again, you know, even in spite of what he was doing.

1375
01:16:05.360 --> 01:16:09.400
And I went, I, I'm seeing things sexually off with him.

1376
01:16:09.400 --> 01:16:15.840
And he had said to me when everything went down, my partner, the last year of our marriage, my partner is hitting on me.

1377
01:16:16.520 --> 01:16:19.400
His business partner, my, my patients are hitting on me.

1378
01:16:19.720 --> 01:16:21.920
Um, this guy's hitting on me.

1379
01:16:21.920 --> 01:16:23.320
I mean, he was talking about it.

1380
01:16:23.360 --> 01:16:26.600
When he harassed Friday night, it was sexually related.

1381
01:16:26.600 --> 01:16:27.280
Yeah.

1382
01:16:27.280 --> 01:16:34.480
When he harassed Nick, he said, get the, you know, what out of your, you know, what?

1383
01:16:34.600 --> 01:16:37.960
And he called him, you know, asked him other questions that were sexual.

1384
01:16:38.120 --> 01:16:40.000
So just different things that have been coming up lately.

1385
01:16:40.000 --> 01:16:49.800
And I'm going the way he's acting and the self-loathing that would cause him to reject himself so hard that he would act in these ways for years on end.

1386
01:16:50.360 --> 01:16:56.520
Like, I was like, what if there's like, the Lord is showing me compassion for him in whatever he's been through.

1387
01:16:56.520 --> 01:16:59.040
And I've thought about that before, but it was more today.

1388
01:16:59.040 --> 01:17:09.600
It was like, there could be something really severe that I could have, you know, the Lord could bring me over time to compassion for, to pray for him.

1389
01:17:09.600 --> 01:17:19.760
Not that I'm responsible for him, but that could be in his, his history or his family line with, with the things I'm seeing with the incest and the, you know, the sexual dreams and all.

1390
01:17:20.200 --> 01:17:22.960
Or maybe it's not, but I just, I had that thought today.

1391
01:17:23.000 --> 01:17:29.360
So one thing for sure is that there are certain people that have a larger receiver than others, right.

1392
01:17:29.600 --> 01:17:36.000
And just like any receiver, if it's not tuned to the right station, it's going to pick up other stuff.

1393
01:17:36.440 --> 01:17:47.960
You know, you know, you're wanting to, I don't know, listen to Christian and you're listening and you get death metal, you know, whatever, like if the radio, if the radio is off in your car, you can set it to the station.

1394
01:17:47.960 --> 01:17:50.680
But if it's not tuned right, you're going to be receiving all kinds of things.

1395
01:17:50.720 --> 01:17:55.480
And so my sense is that your house is probably more active than you want it to be.

1396
01:17:56.520 --> 01:17:59.520
And I would advise praying over your home.

1397
01:17:59.960 --> 01:18:04.240
Uh, I don't know where you are with anointing things with oil and all of that kind of stuff.

1398
01:18:04.240 --> 01:18:04.520
Right.

1399
01:18:06.200 --> 01:18:07.640
I mean, not, not like everywhere.

1400
01:18:09.640 --> 01:18:17.600
And, and there's, there's another, I had, there was a very powerful thing that happened once in my life where I just come here.

1401
01:18:17.600 --> 01:18:26.800
And I heard a man talk about what anointing was, and there's this, there's this idea that anointing is this like magical thing that happens.

1402
01:18:27.120 --> 01:18:33.040
It comes over people and, and there's an aspect of that's true, but the word anointing really just means alignment.

1403
01:18:34.720 --> 01:18:43.520
And so the doorframe or the, you know, the screws that behind the shades behind you are anointed to hold up your shades or they would fall down.

1404
01:18:44.040 --> 01:18:44.440
Yeah.

1405
01:18:45.320 --> 01:18:52.320
There's an aspect, even in the land of calling things to be aligned to God's purpose for that place.

1406
01:18:52.320 --> 01:18:55.640
And when that alignment happens, things happen, right.

1407
01:18:55.920 --> 01:19:03.280
When there's an anointing in the room for healing and you, you do those things or you're obedient to God, things start to open like this.

1408
01:19:03.280 --> 01:19:03.560
Right.

1409
01:19:04.360 --> 01:19:13.440
So he started suggesting that you can go kind of like, I'm not going to get into the details, but like generational repentance, you can, you can, as the landowner, you can repent.

1410
01:19:13.440 --> 01:19:20.560
He gave examples of how he did this for his home because his child was seen red everywhere.

1411
01:19:20.720 --> 01:19:26.320
And it turned out that the land that they had moved on to used to be, there had been a massacre of the native Americans.

1412
01:19:27.160 --> 01:19:31.400
And so he went and cleansed the land and did stuff and never, there was no issue.

1413
01:19:31.520 --> 01:19:31.800
Right.

1414
01:19:35.800 --> 01:19:45.680
Well, just interesting that, I mean, not that we haven't done any anointing here, but I don't know how, like, I definitely would not call it thorough by any means, but we bought the house from a gay couple.

1415
01:19:47.040 --> 01:19:53.840
So I don't know even what sexually, you know, I don't know if that's the only thing or if that's related with this home.

1416
01:19:54.720 --> 01:19:59.560
So in the scripture, they talk about, I don't want to get on a rabbit trail, but in scripture, they talk about.

1417
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.000
in various places, there was a drought in the land.

1418
01:20:03.000 --> 01:20:05.000
And David inquired of the Lord,

1419
01:20:05.000 --> 01:20:07.000
why is there a drought?

1420
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:10.000
And he said, it's because of what Saul did,

1421
01:20:10.000 --> 01:20:14.000
I think it's to the Gibeonites or the Jebusites or something,

1422
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:17.000
not the Jebusites, I can't remember the name of,

1423
01:20:17.000 --> 01:20:21.000
but there's a people group and he did wrong by them.

1424
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:26.000
And as a result of what he did, Israel was in a famine.

1425
01:20:26.000 --> 01:20:29.000
So David went to the family and made right,

1426
01:20:29.000 --> 01:20:32.000
which you can't always do, went and repented on behalf

1427
01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:34.000
of the whole nation and upon of Saul,

1428
01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:37.000
even though Saul is now dead and the drought broke.

1429
01:20:37.000 --> 01:20:41.000
So similar to kind of doing generational

1430
01:20:41.000 --> 01:20:43.000
where you're standing as the high priest of your family

1431
01:20:43.000 --> 01:20:46.000
and saying, you know, Daniel did it

1432
01:20:46.000 --> 01:20:48.000
on behalf of the Israelites.

1433
01:20:48.000 --> 01:20:50.000
There are several prophets that went and they said,

1434
01:20:50.000 --> 01:20:55.000
forgive me for the sins of my forefathers, right?

1435
01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:57.000
And you stand as the high priest of your family,

1436
01:20:57.000 --> 01:21:00.000
you repent, deal with the legalities of these things

1437
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:02.000
that allow stuff to hang on

1438
01:21:02.000 --> 01:21:05.000
and then that stuff can go, right?

1439
01:21:05.000 --> 01:21:06.000
So similarly-

1440
01:21:06.000 --> 01:21:08.000
So like courts of heaven almost,

1441
01:21:08.000 --> 01:21:10.000
or do you guys believe in courts of heaven?

1442
01:21:10.000 --> 01:21:13.000
Well, I mean, it's, you can say it's like courts of heaven,

1443
01:21:13.000 --> 01:21:16.000
whether it's courts of heaven to me are a reflection

1444
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:21.000
of kind of, it's a, for me, it's a visual,

1445
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:23.000
it's a visual reality of something

1446
01:21:23.000 --> 01:21:25.000
that we're already participating in.

1447
01:21:26.000 --> 01:21:28.000
When we're repenting and going before the Lord,

1448
01:21:28.000 --> 01:21:31.000
we're dealing with the legalities of stuff,

1449
01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:33.000
sin and other things in our lives,

1450
01:21:33.000 --> 01:21:36.000
whether you want to say you're in a courtroom or you're not,

1451
01:21:36.000 --> 01:21:38.000
you're doing legal transaction.

1452
01:21:38.000 --> 01:21:41.000
And so when people have certain things

1453
01:21:41.000 --> 01:21:43.000
attached to them in their life,

1454
01:21:43.000 --> 01:21:44.000
whether it's generational or not,

1455
01:21:44.000 --> 01:21:46.000
repentance deals with the legality.

1456
01:21:46.000 --> 01:21:49.000
And then once the legal things are done,

1457
01:21:49.000 --> 01:21:51.000
like as a principle of deliverance,

1458
01:21:51.000 --> 01:21:54.000
there's nothing for the spirits to hold onto anymore

1459
01:21:54.000 --> 01:21:55.000
and the stuff's got to go.

1460
01:21:55.000 --> 01:21:57.000
I've done my share of deliverance, right?

1461
01:21:57.000 --> 01:22:00.000
But the point I'm making with your home

1462
01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:03.000
and particularly your bedroom is, okay,

1463
01:22:03.000 --> 01:22:05.000
you can do that very same thing.

1464
01:22:05.000 --> 01:22:07.000
Do you know what those guys did before you?

1465
01:22:07.000 --> 01:22:09.000
Nope, but you can sit there before the Lord and say,

1466
01:22:09.000 --> 01:22:11.000
Lord, I don't know what they did.

1467
01:22:11.000 --> 01:22:12.000
I'm going to come before you.

1468
01:22:12.000 --> 01:22:13.000
This is our house.

1469
01:22:13.000 --> 01:22:15.000
We're taking responsibility for this land.

1470
01:22:15.000 --> 01:22:19.000
Lord, as representatives and the owners of this house,

1471
01:22:19.000 --> 01:22:20.000
we take responsibility.

1472
01:22:20.000 --> 01:22:23.000
Lord, forgive us as if you were those people

1473
01:22:23.000 --> 01:22:25.000
for anything that comes to your mind

1474
01:22:25.000 --> 01:22:27.000
that the spirit may lead you to,

1475
01:22:27.000 --> 01:22:29.000
to deal with the legalities of it.

1476
01:22:29.000 --> 01:22:30.000
You break the power of those things.

1477
01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:32.000
But this is the point that I wanted to get to.

1478
01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:34.000
That was the rabbit trail, okay?

1479
01:22:34.000 --> 01:22:40.000
Is there is a purpose and a place for your home,

1480
01:22:40.000 --> 01:22:44.000
your land, like your bedroom, right?

1481
01:22:44.000 --> 01:22:47.000
And you can speak that into existence, right?

1482
01:22:48.000 --> 01:22:51.000
And so if particularly in your bed and your bedroom,

1483
01:22:51.000 --> 01:22:52.000
for some reason, I think,

1484
01:22:52.000 --> 01:22:54.000
like the nightmares and things like that,

1485
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:57.000
you anoint the place, but it's like,

1486
01:22:57.000 --> 01:23:01.000
this house is like Daniel seeing the angels ascending

1487
01:23:01.000 --> 01:23:02.000
and descending.

1488
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:03.000
This is the house of Bethel.

1489
01:23:03.000 --> 01:23:05.000
Listen to me, no other than the house of the Lord.

1490
01:23:05.000 --> 01:23:08.000
This is a place of peace and encounter and dreams.

1491
01:23:08.000 --> 01:23:10.000
This is a place where angels will reside.

1492
01:23:10.000 --> 01:23:12.000
This bed is a place where they're going to be

1493
01:23:12.000 --> 01:23:14.000
in heavenly encounters with God.

1494
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:16.000
This is where I'm going to meet the Lord

1495
01:23:16.000 --> 01:23:17.000
on a nightly basis.

1496
01:23:17.000 --> 01:23:19.000
This is where we're going to have dreams.

1497
01:23:19.000 --> 01:23:20.000
They're going to catch us up.

1498
01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:23.000
This is the place where we're going to have union and experience

1499
01:23:23.000 --> 01:23:24.000
union together.

1500
01:23:24.000 --> 01:23:25.000
Lord God.

1501
01:23:25.000 --> 01:23:27.000
Right.

1502
01:23:27.000 --> 01:23:29.000
And you call that place to alignment.

1503
01:23:29.000 --> 01:23:30.000
Right.

1504
01:23:30.000 --> 01:23:33.000
And we heard this teaching, my roommate and I did,

1505
01:23:33.000 --> 01:23:34.000
and we went both.

1506
01:23:34.000 --> 01:23:35.000
We went home.

1507
01:23:35.000 --> 01:23:37.000
We both had horrendous dreams that night.

1508
01:23:37.000 --> 01:23:40.000
And I was having these weird sexual dreams and whatever.

1509
01:23:40.000 --> 01:23:44.000
And I woke up the next day going, Oh Lord.

1510
01:23:45.000 --> 01:23:47.000
You know, and I want to say, what did I do?

1511
01:23:47.000 --> 01:23:49.000
What's the matter with me.

1512
01:23:49.000 --> 01:23:52.000
But my first thought was who was sleeping in this bed before me.

1513
01:23:52.000 --> 01:23:54.000
Yeah.

1514
01:23:54.000 --> 01:23:56.000
And I go out to have breakfast.

1515
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:58.000
And then my roommate says, Hey, you know,

1516
01:23:58.000 --> 01:24:02.000
I was thinking last night.

1517
01:24:02.000 --> 01:24:03.000
Do you think we should pray over our place?

1518
01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:05.000
I had some weird dreams last night.

1519
01:24:05.000 --> 01:24:08.000
And I was like, me too.

1520
01:24:08.000 --> 01:24:10.000
And I said, so we went and we, we,

1521
01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:12.000
we repented and did the whole thing.

1522
01:24:12.000 --> 01:24:15.000
And we called the place and I kid you not. He's a very talented musician.

1523
01:24:15.000 --> 01:24:16.000
He said,

1524
01:24:16.000 --> 01:24:20.000
We have all these songwriting classes and I've never been able to write

1525
01:24:20.000 --> 01:24:21.000
music in my life.

1526
01:24:21.000 --> 01:24:24.000
I can play music, but I just can't write.

1527
01:24:24.000 --> 01:24:28.000
And included in that. And the next day he woke up.

1528
01:24:28.000 --> 01:24:31.000
With songs in his head and he started writing and he couldn't stop.

1529
01:24:31.000 --> 01:24:34.000
The whole thing had changed.

1530
01:24:34.000 --> 01:24:37.000
The whole atmosphere and the place changed and it opened something in

1531
01:24:37.000 --> 01:24:38.000
him.

1532
01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:41.000
And I feel like there's something like that for you to reclaim the

1533
01:24:41.000 --> 01:24:42.000
night.

1534
01:24:42.000 --> 01:24:46.000
Does not have to be something you're battered to and fro that it can be

1535
01:24:46.000 --> 01:24:49.000
something that's protected and a place of encounter.

1536
01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:51.000
And a place where you are.

1537
01:24:51.000 --> 01:24:55.000
God is speaking and revealing to you where your mind can be quiet and you

1538
01:24:55.000 --> 01:24:57.000
can redeem that place. That's really.

1539
01:24:57.000 --> 01:24:59.000
I really believe.

1540
01:24:59.000 --> 01:25:00.000
That can be.

1541
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.880
be redeemed, your house can be a haven. And it's a note. And

1542
01:25:03.880 --> 01:25:07.560
that's where brother you have the authority to speak over this

1543
01:25:07.560 --> 01:25:11.720
place. And it's like you both do. But, you know, there's a

1544
01:25:11.760 --> 01:25:14.760
there's a certain authority that we carry. And it's kind of like,

1545
01:25:14.800 --> 01:25:19.600
hey, you know, Sam can be a nightmare everywhere else. But

1546
01:25:19.600 --> 01:25:22.920
he and all that he carries may not come into my home. Yeah.

1547
01:25:23.760 --> 01:25:27.560
That stuff, you know, you can sprinkle stuff around your yard

1548
01:25:27.560 --> 01:25:31.000
throw salt, it doesn't matter, you can reclaim the borders, no

1549
01:25:31.000 --> 01:25:34.720
demons, nothing or anyone that comes in this home, all of they

1550
01:25:34.720 --> 01:25:37.800
may come, but all of their stuff has to stay. And you know, they

1551
01:25:37.800 --> 01:25:41.320
have to listen, they have to obey and work. It works. I'm

1552
01:25:41.320 --> 01:25:44.960
telling you, and that house. So in the midst of all the chaos

1553
01:25:44.960 --> 01:25:48.080
around you, that place can be a place of stillness. Yeah.

1554
01:25:50.760 --> 01:25:54.600
You had to do it over our house. Well, we both have, but he may,

1555
01:25:54.640 --> 01:25:56.920
you know, he just spoken a certain measure of authority.

1556
01:25:57.160 --> 01:25:59.600
And then he specifically had to do it over a bedroom, because

1557
01:25:59.600 --> 01:26:03.480
we, when we moved in, I was having a hard time sleeping. And

1558
01:26:03.480 --> 01:26:05.800
I don't have a hard time sleeping, but I would like wake

1559
01:26:05.800 --> 01:26:08.800
up all throughout the night. And I would have and I'd be up for

1560
01:26:08.800 --> 01:26:11.520
a few hours and can go back to sleep. And I was hearing weird

1561
01:26:11.520 --> 01:26:15.840
noises that didn't match anything in the room. Like that

1562
01:26:15.840 --> 01:26:20.040
doesn't make any sense. And it will be loud. And so it's like,

1563
01:26:20.040 --> 01:26:24.520
okay, I know what that is. So anyway, I told him I said we

1564
01:26:24.840 --> 01:26:27.520
because I didn't just let it happen one night and then just

1565
01:26:27.520 --> 01:26:30.200
make a judgment call. It was multiple nights. And I was like,

1566
01:26:30.240 --> 01:26:34.120
okay, I haven't this so I let Ed know what was going on. So he

1567
01:26:34.120 --> 01:26:36.920
prayed about it, you know, prayed over declared authority.

1568
01:26:36.920 --> 01:26:39.160
And I'm telling you what, haven't had that experience

1569
01:26:39.160 --> 01:26:39.520
since.

1570
01:26:42.800 --> 01:26:45.880
In Morningstar Ministries, we haven't we've had a problem. We

1571
01:26:45.880 --> 01:26:47.520
were like, absolutely not allowed here.

1572
01:26:49.080 --> 01:26:53.320
Yeah, it feels like we at least like pacified like we knew like

1573
01:26:53.320 --> 01:26:56.960
hey, we need to declare like we were just kind of before a

1574
01:26:56.960 --> 01:27:00.320
certain area like declarations, declarations, declarations,

1575
01:27:00.360 --> 01:27:03.240
trying to take authority, but not sure, you know, like, is

1576
01:27:03.240 --> 01:27:06.360
this working, you know, kind of like wavering a little Yeah,

1577
01:27:06.360 --> 01:27:12.160
faith is a little shaky, I can admit myself. And then I feel

1578
01:27:12.160 --> 01:27:15.720
like it's been pacified with your teaching on abiding in God

1579
01:27:15.720 --> 01:27:19.120
and like, we are with him. And he is with us like we're seated

1580
01:27:19.120 --> 01:27:22.160
in heavenly places. Well, you know, we can be seated on

1581
01:27:22.160 --> 01:27:25.600
heavenly ground that isn't subject to spiritual attacks and

1582
01:27:25.600 --> 01:27:28.040
anything else. We've been declaring that at night. It's

1583
01:27:28.040 --> 01:27:32.240
been helping, at least for a few weeks or so. But then, you know,

1584
01:27:32.240 --> 01:27:34.920
stuff kind of rears its ugly head again here and there. So

1585
01:27:34.920 --> 01:27:37.120
now we need to use this.

1586
01:27:37.720 --> 01:27:40.800
It's like it can't come in. I can't like I can't like I can't

1587
01:27:40.800 --> 01:27:44.560
allow this to come in, like you said, and steal the night I have

1588
01:27:44.560 --> 01:27:47.600
to take it back like these nightmares. You know, the fear

1589
01:27:47.600 --> 01:27:50.240
of even going to bed because you could have one of these

1590
01:27:50.400 --> 01:27:52.480
nightmares. That's can't live in fear like that.

1591
01:27:52.520 --> 01:27:56.600
Her being a seer, I think it's hard for her to, like she needs

1592
01:27:56.600 --> 01:28:00.400
resolution and a dream before she can fully, you know, get up

1593
01:28:00.400 --> 01:28:04.960
to conquer the day is because like, if I'm feeling in

1594
01:28:04.960 --> 01:28:07.840
turmoil, right when I wake up, like she needs to she either

1595
01:28:07.840 --> 01:28:11.120
wants to go back to sleep to like resolve or you know,

1596
01:28:11.120 --> 01:28:15.680
whatever else like, like there's things that and I have a friend

1597
01:28:15.680 --> 01:28:19.360
that kind of does the same. The same kind of scenario scenario

1598
01:28:19.360 --> 01:28:22.680
is like, well, do I really want to wake up into all this stuff

1599
01:28:22.680 --> 01:28:26.760
yet until this is resolved, or they're in a good dream. They're

1600
01:28:26.760 --> 01:28:29.120
like, well, I don't want to wake up because you know, I'm seeing

1601
01:28:29.120 --> 01:28:29.760
things, you know,

1602
01:28:29.960 --> 01:28:34.480
but you got to shake it off with such intensity where things are

1603
01:28:34.480 --> 01:28:39.640
coming at you so hard, and you know, it's pure witchcraft, but

1604
01:28:39.640 --> 01:28:43.880
it's, you know, but it's definitely kind of all consuming

1605
01:28:43.920 --> 01:28:47.440
and, you know, whatever it I just I just don't want to I just

1606
01:28:47.440 --> 01:28:50.640
don't want them anymore. I just don't want to do that. I don't

1607
01:28:50.640 --> 01:28:52.640
feel like I need to be subject to that. So thank you for

1608
01:28:52.640 --> 01:28:55.800
sharing everything that you can say this. We're definitely

1609
01:28:55.800 --> 01:28:57.880
receiving that and taking that to heart.

1610
01:28:58.320 --> 01:29:02.040
And brother, I don't I don't know what your side of all this

1611
01:29:02.040 --> 01:29:07.720
is. But I know as a man, it can be feel very powerless. When

1612
01:29:07.720 --> 01:29:12.240
we're in situations where we want and feel like our main job

1613
01:29:12.240 --> 01:29:15.440
is to protect the person that we're with, or we want to help.

1614
01:29:15.760 --> 01:29:18.120
And we're always trying to restrain ourselves from fixing

1615
01:29:18.120 --> 01:29:20.920
things, because that's who we are. We like to fix stuff,

1616
01:29:20.960 --> 01:29:26.440
right. And, and I just wanna, and so when we're in situations

1617
01:29:26.440 --> 01:29:29.160
where we don't feel like we can, or we don't know what to do, it

1618
01:29:29.160 --> 01:29:32.480
can really, it's almost like emasculating, it can almost feel

1619
01:29:32.680 --> 01:29:36.880
emasculating, in a sense, because we can't do anything, we

1620
01:29:36.880 --> 01:29:40.480
can't go punch somebody in the face, we can't respond with fire

1621
01:29:40.480 --> 01:29:44.920
with fire, we can't do the stuff you're saying. And, and I can't

1622
01:29:44.920 --> 01:29:48.720
say that I have got great pearls of wisdom. But what I'll say is

1623
01:29:48.720 --> 01:29:53.440
that you have, by God and authority in the relationship in

1624
01:29:53.440 --> 01:29:58.000
a certain facet. And you can speak the opposite into

1625
01:29:58.000 --> 01:29:59.360
existence of what's happening.

1626
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.320
You can call forth life out of chaos.

1627
01:30:02.320 --> 01:30:04.800
You can speak peace over her.

1628
01:30:04.800 --> 01:30:07.360
You can speak with love and joy in these things.

1629
01:30:07.360 --> 01:30:10.400
And the enemy tries to make you believe

1630
01:30:10.400 --> 01:30:11.960
that your words have no power.

1631
01:30:12.800 --> 01:30:17.320
It just sounds like, but that is the, it's a complete lie.

1632
01:30:17.320 --> 01:30:18.800
There's a total lie.

1633
01:30:18.800 --> 01:30:21.720
That's why, I don't want him to get on a soap box,

1634
01:30:21.720 --> 01:30:24.120
but that's why there's like a total,

1635
01:30:25.800 --> 01:30:28.960
even on every sitcom, there's like this dismissiveness

1636
01:30:29.920 --> 01:30:33.160
of the role of a father in all of the shows

1637
01:30:33.160 --> 01:30:37.880
as this like kind of absent-minded doofus

1638
01:30:37.880 --> 01:30:41.240
that doesn't know anything that's going on with his kids

1639
01:30:41.240 --> 01:30:44.360
and just pays the bills and blah, blah, blah.

1640
01:30:44.360 --> 01:30:48.400
When the reality is that God's given you a place,

1641
01:30:48.400 --> 01:30:51.840
both of you, in an aspect of how you're supposed

1642
01:30:51.840 --> 01:30:53.120
to function together.

1643
01:30:53.120 --> 01:30:54.600
And that he's given you an authority

1644
01:30:54.600 --> 01:30:58.480
and that your words have authority and weight.

1645
01:30:59.480 --> 01:31:00.520
And it's kind of like,

1646
01:31:00.520 --> 01:31:02.960
but it's like a little like compounded interest,

1647
01:31:03.840 --> 01:31:07.600
that you just consistently start to sow these things

1648
01:31:07.600 --> 01:31:11.040
and you'll start to see, it'll start to shift and change.

1649
01:31:11.040 --> 01:31:13.800
And you can, and that's why it's like,

1650
01:31:13.800 --> 01:31:15.280
what do we do about him?

1651
01:31:15.280 --> 01:31:18.320
Well, the scripture says that we bless him.

1652
01:31:18.320 --> 01:31:20.520
Oh, that's super hard, right?

1653
01:31:20.520 --> 01:31:22.680
And if this helps, okay,

1654
01:31:22.680 --> 01:31:25.080
I had a guy that I really trusted.

1655
01:31:25.160 --> 01:31:29.400
And he said that if you, for instance,

1656
01:31:29.400 --> 01:31:31.200
if you were to bless a witch

1657
01:31:31.200 --> 01:31:33.000
or if you were to bless somebody

1658
01:31:33.000 --> 01:31:34.520
that's operating into something,

1659
01:31:34.520 --> 01:31:37.520
it's like pouring hot coals on their head, right?

1660
01:31:40.040 --> 01:31:42.040
So you move in the opposite spirit,

1661
01:31:42.040 --> 01:31:45.600
as Graham Cook would say, and you bless, right?

1662
01:31:45.600 --> 01:31:47.040
Bless, you bless and whatever,

1663
01:31:47.040 --> 01:31:49.360
and then let God do the judging, right?

1664
01:31:49.360 --> 01:31:51.000
Which is super hard where you are,

1665
01:31:51.000 --> 01:31:54.720
but he's given you guys authority,

1666
01:31:55.360 --> 01:31:57.320
that's your home, that's your place,

1667
01:31:57.320 --> 01:32:01.560
and you can control what that is.

1668
01:32:01.560 --> 01:32:03.320
Yeah, I think oftentimes-

1669
01:32:03.320 --> 01:32:05.760
We're on the phone, you gotta run?

1670
01:32:05.760 --> 01:32:07.800
No, she's looking up some notes of some revelations.

1671
01:32:07.800 --> 01:32:10.200
I just wanted to share one thing that he showed me,

1672
01:32:10.200 --> 01:32:13.840
and I don't know, before we go, just, it's very short,

1673
01:32:13.840 --> 01:32:15.400
but I wanted to make sure I pulled it up

1674
01:32:15.400 --> 01:32:17.520
because I felt like I was supposed to share it.

1675
01:32:17.520 --> 01:32:19.200
I don't really know what it means exactly,

1676
01:32:19.200 --> 01:32:22.680
but I felt the Lord on it for the season.

1677
01:32:22.680 --> 01:32:24.240
So go ahead and go.

1678
01:32:24.760 --> 01:32:26.000
I was just kind of speaking to the fact

1679
01:32:26.000 --> 01:32:28.160
of knowing the authority,

1680
01:32:28.160 --> 01:32:31.680
like I think too often I place that on God,

1681
01:32:31.680 --> 01:32:36.680
like God, Holy Spirit come, speaking out peace,

1682
01:32:37.480 --> 01:32:40.360
but I'm like, hey God, you do this,

1683
01:32:41.400 --> 01:32:42.240
and I think that-

1684
01:32:42.240 --> 01:32:43.080
Kind of how you've been taught,

1685
01:32:43.080 --> 01:32:45.360
I mean, through church and so forth.

1686
01:32:45.360 --> 01:32:49.240
And in prayer, but now I can do both,

1687
01:32:49.240 --> 01:32:51.680
like it's not gonna hurt to have Holy Spirit

1688
01:32:51.680 --> 01:32:52.640
minister to somebody,

1689
01:32:52.640 --> 01:32:56.600
but also to speak life into the situation myself,

1690
01:32:56.600 --> 01:32:58.560
to back that up or to-

1691
01:32:58.560 --> 01:32:59.400
Your authority.

1692
01:32:59.400 --> 01:33:00.240
Yeah.

1693
01:33:01.520 --> 01:33:03.960
Because the heaven was given to the Lord,

1694
01:33:03.960 --> 01:33:05.360
and the heavens is the Lord,

1695
01:33:05.360 --> 01:33:06.640
and the earth was given to man.

1696
01:33:06.640 --> 01:33:10.800
And so it's our authority and what it is that we allow

1697
01:33:10.800 --> 01:33:14.320
in this world that is given the authority to,

1698
01:33:14.320 --> 01:33:17.960
and is given the permission to start taking effect.

1699
01:33:17.960 --> 01:33:20.040
So God will talk about,

1700
01:33:20.080 --> 01:33:22.920
we can call on God to do things and he'll do things,

1701
01:33:22.920 --> 01:33:24.520
but there's an aspect in which he wants us

1702
01:33:24.520 --> 01:33:27.480
to partner with him because that will kind of,

1703
01:33:27.480 --> 01:33:32.480
it can kind of exponentially increase the effect

1704
01:33:32.920 --> 01:33:35.560
and sometimes flat out help cause the effect

1705
01:33:35.560 --> 01:33:38.000
because God's the one who spoke at first,

1706
01:33:38.000 --> 01:33:40.280
we're coming into agreement with that truth,

1707
01:33:40.280 --> 01:33:42.240
and then that truth can make impact.

1708
01:33:42.240 --> 01:33:44.080
So we don't make up the truth,

1709
01:33:44.080 --> 01:33:48.240
but God does call us to come into authoritative partnership

1710
01:33:48.240 --> 01:33:50.320
by receiving that truth and saying, yes,

1711
01:33:50.320 --> 01:33:52.760
that truth that I come into agreement with

1712
01:33:52.760 --> 01:33:55.640
and allow in this kingdom to take effect,

1713
01:33:55.640 --> 01:33:56.720
and then it does.

1714
01:33:56.720 --> 01:33:59.520
And also just mentioning this really quick,

1715
01:33:59.520 --> 01:34:04.160
you had talked about that it can,

1716
01:34:04.160 --> 01:34:07.000
that y'all tried to remember,

1717
01:34:07.000 --> 01:34:09.480
that y'all were the authority that you were,

1718
01:34:09.480 --> 01:34:10.600
and that you would speak,

1719
01:34:10.600 --> 01:34:14.000
and that, oh, you're wavering in your faith and all of that.

1720
01:34:14.000 --> 01:34:17.040
One of the things that has helped me is,

1721
01:34:17.040 --> 01:34:18.680
and I always try to articulate this

1722
01:34:18.680 --> 01:34:20.680
the best way I can to get it across.

1723
01:34:20.680 --> 01:34:23.760
What helped me is I would try so very hard

1724
01:34:23.760 --> 01:34:25.440
to speak things in faith,

1725
01:34:25.440 --> 01:34:27.080
and then I would always be wavering.

1726
01:34:27.080 --> 01:34:29.040
Oh, I wonder if this is working

1727
01:34:29.040 --> 01:34:32.360
because what I realized later that I was trying to do then

1728
01:34:32.360 --> 01:34:34.240
and why that didn't always work

1729
01:34:34.240 --> 01:34:37.000
is because it's almost like I was trying to use

1730
01:34:37.000 --> 01:34:41.680
some formula that was completely outside of me.

1731
01:34:41.680 --> 01:34:44.200
And I was just hoping that I had the right formula

1732
01:34:44.200 --> 01:34:46.520
and like, well, I think this is how God said

1733
01:34:46.520 --> 01:34:47.360
it was going to work.

1734
01:34:47.360 --> 01:34:49.480
You know, am I talking the way

1735
01:34:49.480 --> 01:34:53.040
and with the authority that God said that I had or whatever?

1736
01:34:53.040 --> 01:34:56.200
So what I found made all the difference in the world

1737
01:34:56.200 --> 01:34:59.200
and where the spirit world finally started to listen to me.

1738
01:34:59.200 --> 01:35:00.040
And when I started.

1739
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.440
to actually see things, uh, uh, uh, happen in my life and things change like sometimes

1740
01:35:08.160 --> 01:35:15.840
virtually immediately is when I made, which is what I've talked to a lot about lately is I made

1741
01:35:15.840 --> 01:35:22.160
an intentional choice that that was so. So in other words, I felt like I was making it up.

1742
01:35:22.160 --> 01:35:28.720
I so badly, I mean, I so intentionally chose it. So I didn't make it up. God said it,

1743
01:35:28.720 --> 01:35:33.360
I just grabbed a hold of it. And I'm like, well, then it's true. And I started acting

1744
01:35:33.360 --> 01:35:38.320
like it and choosing it for myself as if I'd never believed anything else. So I didn't grab

1745
01:35:38.320 --> 01:35:44.320
a hold of it as a hope that I hope that I understand this. I hope it's working. That's

1746
01:35:44.320 --> 01:35:48.480
like thinking that it's something outside of me, some law that I'm trying to utilize.

1747
01:35:48.480 --> 01:35:54.640
That's not my authority. Then that's just hoping formula that God put into place is,

1748
01:35:54.640 --> 01:36:01.760
you know, that I'm using it correctly in our authority, our choice that that's what's going

1749
01:36:01.760 --> 01:36:07.120
to be. So if that's helpful, that helped me stop wavering in my faith is if I realized that God

1750
01:36:07.120 --> 01:36:12.720
gave me the power to choose that it was going to be. So as if I was making it up a new rule in my

1751
01:36:12.720 --> 01:36:18.080
kingdom, that's like a big piece of authority. I mean, what authority is that you're describing?

1752
01:36:19.120 --> 01:36:24.240
Now, obviously you only choose the things that God has already said. We don't get to decide what we

1753
01:36:24.400 --> 01:36:30.000
wish we had the authority to say and what we wish that we could do. And we decided to be all big and

1754
01:36:30.000 --> 01:36:35.840
bad by ourselves. It's what did God say? I stand in that authority. I choose that it's true to the

1755
01:36:35.840 --> 01:36:41.680
point where I feel like I'm making it up and I just, and I start acting like it, that makes all

1756
01:36:41.680 --> 01:36:48.640
the difference in the world. But anyway, so you remember that, that, that, that the demons, when

1757
01:36:48.640 --> 01:36:53.680
the seven sons of Sceva went and you were trying to cast demons out of people and, and the, and

1758
01:36:53.680 --> 01:36:58.480
the demons would say, you know, they said, well, we cast you out in the name of, um, I think it was

1759
01:36:58.480 --> 01:37:03.280
in the name of Jesus and in the name of Paul or something like that. I remember where the Christ

1760
01:37:03.280 --> 01:37:08.560
that Paul serves or something. And the demon said, we know Christ and we know Paul, but we don't know

1761
01:37:08.560 --> 01:37:15.040
you. They weren't speaking in the authority that God had given them to, Hey, look, you know, they

1762
01:37:15.120 --> 01:37:19.840
didn't know who Paul was. They said, Oh, we know who Paul is. They would have listened to Paul

1763
01:37:19.840 --> 01:37:24.320
because Paul stood in the authority of Christ, but these other people are just trying to use

1764
01:37:24.320 --> 01:37:30.240
something. And the demons finally called, you know, um, what is that called? Um, call their number

1765
01:37:30.240 --> 01:37:38.080
or whatever it is. Yeah. And, um, and then they told him, and then of course they ripped the

1766
01:37:38.080 --> 01:37:42.000
demons, you know, ripped them a new one. So anyway, just, just in case that helpful, that,

1767
01:37:42.000 --> 01:37:46.000
that helped me finally grab a hold of the authority when before it was, I was like,

1768
01:37:46.000 --> 01:37:52.400
Oh, I hope this will work. I would just give yourself a little bit of grace in that

1769
01:37:54.000 --> 01:38:01.040
we need to have reframed thinking for sure. But there's a, I just feel like I need to mention

1770
01:38:01.040 --> 01:38:06.880
it. There's a, there's a, there's a principle out there that if you believe, right, you'll be right.

1771
01:38:07.840 --> 01:38:15.120
Or you'll be all right. That if you, you don't need deliverance, you need, you just don't know

1772
01:38:15.120 --> 01:38:20.080
who you are. You know, you don't need inner healing. You don't need whatever. If you just

1773
01:38:20.080 --> 01:38:24.240
knew who you are, then you wouldn't need these things. Or I heard somebody from stage say, you

1774
01:38:24.240 --> 01:38:28.960
know, no Christian should ever be depressed. If you're a Christian, you should never be depressed.

1775
01:38:29.920 --> 01:38:38.080
And that's fine. You know, good for you. That's fine. But the reality is if you don't deal with

1776
01:38:38.080 --> 01:38:42.960
the stuff, because there's a certain element of truth in the whole, like, if you, if you really

1777
01:38:42.960 --> 01:38:49.120
know who you are, then you can start to function from that place. But the Lord showed me, you know,

1778
01:38:49.120 --> 01:38:55.920
I don't want to get into the detail in an encounter I had about, about it changed my understanding of

1779
01:38:55.920 --> 01:39:02.880
what ministry really was to help people step over and to identify more with him than their garbage.

1780
01:39:02.880 --> 01:39:08.400
But the thing is, like, but when we have so much stuff, like for me, what he showed me was,

1781
01:39:08.400 --> 01:39:15.360
like, I carried around all of my mistakes, right? And I looked at those things as what I identified

1782
01:39:15.360 --> 01:39:21.280
with more than I did with him, his character, his nature and stuff. So my understanding,

1783
01:39:21.280 --> 01:39:28.400
then after this encounter was that my real job is not to fix people or heal people. But my real

1784
01:39:28.400 --> 01:39:33.200
job is to help remove the stumbling blocks to keep people from stepping into that reality.

1785
01:39:34.400 --> 01:39:39.360
And as you're walking through your process, you're going to hear a lot of things about addressing

1786
01:39:39.360 --> 01:39:44.960
thought patterns and things which are important. They are important. Okay. But you also have

1787
01:39:44.960 --> 01:39:53.520
things that just need to be healed. And, and to be give yourself grace that it's okay that you're

1788
01:39:53.520 --> 01:39:59.680
worth it, that you're worth the time and the effort. Okay, that God thinks that you're worth it.

1789
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.000
that he's proud of you. And I can tell you one thing I know for sure is that timing is everything.

1790
01:40:06.560 --> 01:40:12.640
And I believe that your time has come. There's an alignment that is happening in your life.

1791
01:40:12.640 --> 01:40:17.280
And there's like a flushing and a cleansing that's going to happen. And so in this time,

1792
01:40:17.920 --> 01:40:24.880
if you have a memory of something, especially like sticky ones, right? Don't just

1793
01:40:24.880 --> 01:40:32.480
push him aside, you know, that's an opportunity that he's bringing forward in this cleansing,

1794
01:40:32.480 --> 01:40:38.240
so to speak, where for him to come in, heal and for that place to get free.

1795
01:40:38.880 --> 01:40:45.200
It's like he's reclaiming the land in your soul. I look at soul sometimes as land. There's areas

1796
01:40:45.200 --> 01:40:50.960
that he is reclaiming in you. And you get to be a participant, you get to go with him, but it's

1797
01:40:50.960 --> 01:41:02.400
not your job. That's not your job. His job, not your job, his job. And so if you get into a place

1798
01:41:02.400 --> 01:41:08.000
where people are saying all the right things, and it's like, I'm just not getting it. Why am I not

1799
01:41:08.000 --> 01:41:13.200
getting it? Everybody's getting it. You know, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just get it?

1800
01:41:13.200 --> 01:41:18.800
Why can't I, you know, well, you know, why do I have these memories, whatever, just your own

1801
01:41:18.800 --> 01:41:24.560
journey. And I have a feeling that there's going to be, it looks just like these, these releases

1802
01:41:24.560 --> 01:41:29.920
that are going to be happening in your life. They're what? Releases. Releases. They're being

1803
01:41:29.920 --> 01:41:37.280
released as they're being dealt with. And it's like in a sort of effortlessness that comes with

1804
01:41:37.280 --> 01:41:42.960
his sovereign input and injection to it. And he may use ministries. He may use other people.

1805
01:41:42.960 --> 01:41:47.520
I doubt it's going to be all by yourself because he's a relational God. And there's something about

1806
01:41:47.520 --> 01:41:52.800
us being vulnerable in front of people. I really do believe that that's true and that you're going

1807
01:41:52.800 --> 01:42:01.440
to start to see this kind of a cleansing and stuff and really don't worry about things you don't

1808
01:42:01.440 --> 01:42:07.760
remember. Don't, I did the disease of introspection. Don't get lost in yourself.

1809
01:42:09.760 --> 01:42:14.400
Let God be the one that's in charge of your soul. As a matter of fact, I would almost kind of

1810
01:42:14.400 --> 01:42:21.200
dedicate your soul to God and just say, okay, my soul is your responsibility. Okay. I'm going to do

1811
01:42:21.200 --> 01:42:28.240
my part. You do your part. And he may give aspects of it back to you, but that's just, you're like,

1812
01:42:28.240 --> 01:42:34.880
you're in his, in his, you know, you're up in his business. Right. Let God be God and you, you know,

1813
01:42:34.880 --> 01:42:41.760
be you, you be the kid and let him be the parent. Yeah. Yeah. Remember in line with what he said,

1814
01:42:41.760 --> 01:42:45.760
something, you know, that we've talked about before, as far as like, you know, healing the

1815
01:42:45.760 --> 01:42:50.240
body through the, or healing the soul and the body through the spirit. I don't know if you remember

1816
01:42:50.240 --> 01:42:55.680
that one or maybe you haven't, maybe you haven't watched that one anyway. So there is a, in the

1817
01:42:55.680 --> 01:43:00.400
guides in the, in the rest intensive go to guides and the look at one, I think it's an extra, I think

1818
01:43:00.400 --> 01:43:06.080
it's one of the bonus teachings. Look at healing the body, healing the spirit, healing the soul

1819
01:43:06.080 --> 01:43:12.240
and the body through the spirit. Anyway. So I don't think I've reposted that one recently,

1820
01:43:12.240 --> 01:43:18.400
but that point is that it meant it's that kind of a, kind of a thing where, I mean,

1821
01:43:19.920 --> 01:43:25.120
where we don't have to micromanage all of the healing, the soul in the body,

1822
01:43:25.120 --> 01:43:30.160
they already know how to heal themselves because God created them to function in a particular way.

1823
01:43:30.160 --> 01:43:35.680
And what they have, what we have to do is we have to just, we just have to, you know,

1824
01:43:35.680 --> 01:43:41.440
presenters, we have to be a safe place for the spirit. Our spirit has to be a safe place for

1825
01:43:41.440 --> 01:43:46.080
the soul and the body. So it'll trust it. So it'll begin to open up. And then what I do is,

1826
01:43:46.080 --> 01:43:51.840
and I posted a way that you can talk to your spirit and soul and body. I don't know if you've

1827
01:43:51.840 --> 01:43:56.800
seen that post recently that I recently posted, but if you scroll down within like the past week

1828
01:43:56.800 --> 01:44:01.280
or two, you'll see it in any way that just kind of gives you an idea of like, Oh, it's that kind

1829
01:44:01.280 --> 01:44:07.200
of an interaction. And that type of, one of the things that I, I just mentioned to that was a

1830
01:44:07.200 --> 01:44:12.960
write-up that I did of how I talked to my spirit, soul and body. One of the things that I told,

1831
01:44:12.960 --> 01:44:18.240
told my spirit and I, and I do this periodically as I tell it, bring in the spirit of wisdom and

1832
01:44:18.240 --> 01:44:23.040
understanding, et cetera, you know, the same thing, you know, you know, because that's the Lord

1833
01:44:23.040 --> 01:44:30.000
is a spirit of wisdom, understanding, et cetera. And, and then bring all of that into heal because

1834
01:44:30.000 --> 01:44:35.680
it knows how to heal in a manner of speaking the soul. Sure. It knows how to shift and come

1835
01:44:35.680 --> 01:44:39.120
into agreement with the Lord without us having to micromanage it and tell us how to do it.

1836
01:44:39.120 --> 01:44:44.640
We just have to say, Hey, look, do it. And then subconsciously you will start to shift without

1837
01:44:44.640 --> 01:44:49.280
you knowing without in the, at night when you're sleeping and it'll start to change,

1838
01:44:49.280 --> 01:44:54.160
you'll start, all of that'll start to shift. And then God, you know, in the spirit of wisdom,

1839
01:44:54.160 --> 01:44:57.280
spirit of understanding, and then, you know, obviously just the Lord and the spirit,

1840
01:44:57.280 --> 01:44:59.840
the Holy spirit themselves, they'll come in.

1841
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.560
And they will begin to heal things because they know what room wounds are

1842
01:45:03.560 --> 01:45:05.760
there and they know how to heal them.

1843
01:45:05.960 --> 01:45:09.840
And the soul doesn't know how the soul does not know how to do it.

1844
01:45:09.840 --> 01:45:14.040
In fact, I had a, I had a vision one time, and I think I may have mentioned

1845
01:45:14.040 --> 01:45:22.720
it in that, in that teaching that you'll watch where, um, I saw, I saw a, a body.

1846
01:45:22.760 --> 01:45:24.680
And then I saw, I saw it double.

1847
01:45:24.680 --> 01:45:26.980
So in other words, I saw the soul come out of the body.

1848
01:45:27.260 --> 01:45:30.580
I did not know that that was the soul until the whole vision was finished.

1849
01:45:30.820 --> 01:45:32.020
But anyway, I saw it double.

1850
01:45:32.180 --> 01:45:33.940
And then I saw it had a wound in its heart.

1851
01:45:34.580 --> 01:45:39.660
And then, so the, um, uh, or maybe that was the body that came out in a new way.

1852
01:45:39.660 --> 01:45:42.020
The soul walked over to it, whatever it was.

1853
01:45:42.500 --> 01:45:45.060
And then this was trying to fix itself.

1854
01:45:45.820 --> 01:45:50.340
And then God looked over at me because I'm like behind the person, you know,

1855
01:45:50.340 --> 01:45:55.820
that's working on himself and looked at me and he said, tell that, tell that

1856
01:45:55.820 --> 01:45:58.260
person, tell that soul that what he's doing won't work.

1857
01:45:59.180 --> 01:45:59.620
Okay.

1858
01:45:59.980 --> 01:46:02.260
So it told them, Hey, God says it won't work.

1859
01:46:02.260 --> 01:46:03.100
So it was like, okay.

1860
01:46:03.420 --> 01:46:06.660
So he backs up, gets back inside the, the, the body.

1861
01:46:06.660 --> 01:46:08.180
In other words, he rejoins himself.

1862
01:46:08.220 --> 01:46:09.100
Oh, that's what it was.

1863
01:46:09.260 --> 01:46:10.820
That was what was outside.

1864
01:46:11.060 --> 01:46:13.900
It was the person's heart and it had a wound in it.

1865
01:46:14.060 --> 01:46:16.940
So the soul got out of the body, tried to fix it.

1866
01:46:17.140 --> 01:46:19.100
Couldn't got back in.

1867
01:46:19.580 --> 01:46:24.980
And then, and then that person's spirit came out of God's sort of came out of

1868
01:46:24.980 --> 01:46:29.540
that heaven where God had been standing and it worked on it to heal the heart.

1869
01:46:29.860 --> 01:46:32.940
And then the soul looked at it going, oh, so that's how you do it.

1870
01:46:34.340 --> 01:46:41.220
And that's how I, how I kind of got that idea of like, and how I began to, and how

1871
01:46:41.220 --> 01:46:46.660
I then eventually did that teaching is, you know, like I said, be, be kind to

1872
01:46:46.660 --> 01:46:49.340
yourself, you don't have to do it.

1873
01:46:49.620 --> 01:46:51.220
You don't have to know how to do it.

1874
01:46:51.260 --> 01:46:53.860
So you're not being held accountable by God to do it.

1875
01:46:54.500 --> 01:46:56.100
Let him come in and do it.

1876
01:46:56.340 --> 01:47:00.220
You just have to finally make yourself available and that vulnerable and, you

1877
01:47:00.220 --> 01:47:04.500
know, just like, okay, um, you know, and that, and the way you do that is by

1878
01:47:04.500 --> 01:47:10.500
fully accepting yourself by no longer resisting you thinking that all of the

1879
01:47:10.500 --> 01:47:16.220
negative things that you find thinking that they're actually, you know, those

1880
01:47:16.220 --> 01:47:21.140
are just, those are, I don't know, traumas or, or, you know, beliefs or, or

1881
01:47:21.140 --> 01:47:23.620
things that happen to you or attacks or whatever.

1882
01:47:23.620 --> 01:47:28.180
They're not who you are and you can have compassion for your coping mechanisms.

1883
01:47:29.140 --> 01:47:32.100
The things that the five-year-old is currently still doing to protect

1884
01:47:32.100 --> 01:47:36.020
themselves and what you as an adult are doing to cope and protect yourself,

1885
01:47:36.260 --> 01:47:37.780
fully love and accept yourself.

1886
01:47:38.060 --> 01:47:40.580
Then you'll feel free enough to begin to change.

1887
01:47:40.780 --> 01:47:42.420
That's how we open ourselves.

1888
01:47:42.460 --> 01:47:45.740
That's the thing that we do to partner with God in the healing.

1889
01:47:46.380 --> 01:47:48.580
We love and accept ourselves completely.

1890
01:47:48.860 --> 01:47:53.260
That makes us open, vulnerable enough for the Lord to come in and do the work.

1891
01:47:53.940 --> 01:47:55.820
He doesn't expect us to know how to do it.

1892
01:47:56.220 --> 01:47:58.420
He just wants us to make ourselves available.

1893
01:47:58.660 --> 01:48:01.380
We make ourselves available by fully accepting ourselves

1894
01:48:01.380 --> 01:48:03.020
and stop resisting ourselves.

1895
01:48:04.660 --> 01:48:04.860
Yeah.

1896
01:48:04.900 --> 01:48:10.660
Well, I would just encourage you that I almost feel like I want to pray into this

1897
01:48:10.660 --> 01:48:13.980
for you, uh, I think we're starting to lose you a little bit.

1898
01:48:15.900 --> 01:48:16.260
Got it.

1899
01:48:16.700 --> 01:48:18.900
Uh, I'm sorry.

1900
01:48:21.060 --> 01:48:21.780
Okay, go ahead.

1901
01:48:22.460 --> 01:48:24.260
We started to break up, but we're back.

1902
01:48:24.620 --> 01:48:25.340
Can you hear us?

1903
01:48:25.940 --> 01:48:26.620
Yeah, we can.

1904
01:48:27.100 --> 01:48:32.940
Um, I want to encourage you that as you have memories, if they start to come up,

1905
01:48:33.580 --> 01:48:37.420
um, there's two things I want to say, I'm going to do it in reverse order.

1906
01:48:37.780 --> 01:48:40.140
One, there is something called cleansing dreams.

1907
01:48:40.380 --> 01:48:44.820
I want to make you aware of, and those cleansing dreams are dreams where

1908
01:48:44.820 --> 01:48:46.620
you're having dreams about man.

1909
01:48:46.820 --> 01:48:51.060
Like normally it's stuff appalling things you've done in your past or, or,

1910
01:48:51.420 --> 01:48:55.700
and then we want to wake up and think, Oh God, maybe that hasn't been resolved

1911
01:48:55.700 --> 01:48:57.700
or whatever, and people call those cleansing dreams.

1912
01:48:57.700 --> 01:48:59.860
That's that's how it's kind of like.

1913
01:49:00.460 --> 01:49:03.500
Uh, God at night doing work in our soul.

1914
01:49:03.500 --> 01:49:06.060
And these things are being like, you're being detoxed.

1915
01:49:06.540 --> 01:49:06.860
Okay.

1916
01:49:07.740 --> 01:49:11.780
You're being detoxed in a sense, your soul's being unpacked and detoxed and

1917
01:49:11.780 --> 01:49:13.460
you have, they call them cleansing dreams.

1918
01:49:13.940 --> 01:49:18.420
And normally it's, I know a lot of people that have had this say they got

1919
01:49:19.260 --> 01:49:22.420
it's funny because they call it detox, the inner healing.

1920
01:49:23.220 --> 01:49:24.580
Yeah, that's it.

1921
01:49:24.660 --> 01:49:24.980
Yeah.

1922
01:49:25.460 --> 01:49:29.300
Oh, I was wondering, I thought she was like over here, like judging every word

1923
01:49:29.300 --> 01:49:37.420
I'm saying is because she's frozen on the screen, like this, like, wow, this is not

1924
01:49:37.420 --> 01:49:38.340
landing at all.

1925
01:49:39.780 --> 01:49:43.180
I just thought it was funny because we lost you, but I thought it was funny

1926
01:49:43.180 --> 01:49:46.740
because you said the detox thing and that's specifically what they call it in

1927
01:49:46.780 --> 01:49:49.500
this, um, inner healing RSM.

1928
01:49:49.500 --> 01:49:52.980
They call it detox in your night cycles.

1929
01:49:52.980 --> 01:49:57.220
You will detox after the testing and the new truth and the new belief that the

1930
01:49:57.220 --> 01:49:59.980
Lord speaks and everything over a certain period of night.

1931
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:07.000
And so it's kind of cool, I think is the most like confirmation that that actually works and that actually happens. So go ahead though.

1932
01:50:07.000 --> 01:50:22.000
Don't don't freak out about your dreams. Okay. And then the other thing is like, as you were if you start to have memories and I'm not talking about hidden memories but just things that have come up from your past that have been painful.

1933
01:50:22.000 --> 01:50:29.000
Right. And if you notice that your first reaction is to push it away, or stuff it.

1934
01:50:29.000 --> 01:50:33.000
Right, which is probably how you survived in your life is to stuff these things.

1935
01:50:33.000 --> 01:50:40.000
Right. And there she is like she's got that look like you're frozen get on our screen, and you're again you're looking at me.

1936
01:50:40.000 --> 01:50:43.000
I'm like, wow.

1937
01:50:43.000 --> 01:50:51.000
I would encourage you that I don't know that they can hear us.

1938
01:50:51.000 --> 01:51:02.000
Hear you but we're, you're all frozen. You're all frozen on your end too. I don't think it's my internet, but I could be wrong at one point saying it was so we're frozen but you never lost what we were saying.

1939
01:51:02.000 --> 01:51:14.000
Yes. Yeah, but not keep talking. Okay, I wanted to make sure so need to pause but we're so instead of pushing things down or push them aside. That's a time when you can take the Lord.

1940
01:51:15.000 --> 01:51:29.000
And you literally invite him into that. There's a, there's a great thing that he talks, there's a guy here, you know, Rick he talks about he's been a big lover of history and history is his story.

1941
01:51:29.000 --> 01:51:32.000
It's his story.

1942
01:51:32.000 --> 01:51:46.000
For me, inner healing is going back and reclaiming things, and it becomes his story. It's the events themselves don't change, but he reframes how that happened.

1943
01:51:46.000 --> 01:51:50.000
Does that make sense to you.

1944
01:51:50.000 --> 01:51:53.000
Yes, yes, yes.

1945
01:51:53.000 --> 01:51:59.000
Now, you're, you're open I'd like to pray for you. Is that okay.

1946
01:51:59.000 --> 01:52:04.000
I don't know if we're going to have stable enough connection to be able to do this or not.

1947
01:52:04.000 --> 01:52:05.000
To pray.

1948
01:52:05.000 --> 01:52:12.000
Yeah, I'm just over you I'm going to ask you, I'm going to ask you if you want to try something.

1949
01:52:12.000 --> 01:52:22.000
Yeah, definitely. I'm definitely open to it I just feel like I want to share this last thing with you before we hang up. Is that okay, something that I had on my heart to share with you.

1950
01:52:22.000 --> 01:52:31.000
Regarding what we were saying earlier when we were talking about, you know, fully, fully accepting fully embracing, you know, the little girl whatever parts.

1951
01:52:31.000 --> 01:52:46.000
Regardless of whether they ever changed all that I had written something down and I felt like I felt like the Lord kept bringing it up I'm supposed to read to you it says, asking God who.

1952
01:52:47.000 --> 01:52:56.000
So, forget that part but he says, honor your past to accelerate into the present honor what you've been given so you can embrace what's next.

1953
01:52:56.000 --> 01:53:13.000
And so that can be experiences but I also felt like that was for my past experiences not just in terms of relationally or with my ex husband or whatever I've had to go through to get to now but also kind of like my whole life and the things and the stages

1954
01:53:13.000 --> 01:53:25.000
that have helped me along the way and honoring that to accelerate into the present, like, giving honor where honor is due, do you know what I'm saying instead of being like oh that was a mess and that was a mess and that was a mess and, you know, all of it's

1955
01:53:25.000 --> 01:53:35.000
been a mess until now, really honoring the journey I guess and, and, you know, each, each, each experience each person each relationship even when it comes to myself.

1956
01:53:35.000 --> 01:53:44.000
And then the other thing is funny because I was looking at my notes I found that first and then I felt like God was like tell them what I told you about this 120 days.

1957
01:53:44.000 --> 01:53:57.000
So I was like okay so I'm looking back my notes I'm trying to keep track of both of them and then I finally realized, both words are in the same note, like the two separate words he was telling me to share are in the same note, and I was searching

1958
01:53:57.000 --> 01:54:12.000
and looking for both of them and they're in the same note. So, it basically just says, I woke up at the four o'clock hour which he often would see up at the 4404 444, it's like consistent thing with the Lord that he does and speaks and so I was

1959
01:54:12.000 --> 01:54:25.000
hearing that 120 days is a significant breakthrough of healing and that there would be peace and joy associated, and I felt that in my sleep. I had the sense that I would be flooded with tears and wailing grief before and around them but it would be

1960
01:54:25.000 --> 01:54:35.000
very healthy and productive. And when I woke I felt an urgency to look up the meaning of 120, as I've been feeling in my sleep to the point of waking, and you know looked up some different explanations so I don't know that I know if that's a figurative

1961
01:54:35.000 --> 01:54:48.000
thing, if it's talking about Jubilee, and you know, there's a lot of meanings behind 120 that various people talk about, but I felt so strongly I knew that was from the Lord, whatever it means that it was a positive thing.

1962
01:54:48.000 --> 01:55:00.000
And then he was saying, you know, which 120 breaks down into four months not saying that that's what it is but that's the universe that would be the anniversary of all of the.

1963
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:04.300
attacks that I've had that landed me in the hospital, the beginning of when my ex put

1964
01:55:04.300 --> 01:55:07.060
me on the street and took my kids and all that was February.

1965
01:55:07.060 --> 01:55:11.380
And ever since then, there was another February, two years later, and then three years after

1966
01:55:11.380 --> 01:55:12.980
that February.

1967
01:55:12.980 --> 01:55:18.780
So it's like, we're reclaiming this, like God's doing this work at the seven year mark

1968
01:55:18.780 --> 01:55:24.380
of all of this, you know, the seven years of the end of all this madness.

1969
01:55:24.380 --> 01:55:27.540
And the number four means a lot to me.

1970
01:55:27.540 --> 01:55:30.900
And he speaks through it all the time and he woke me up at four o'clock hours saying

1971
01:55:30.900 --> 01:55:31.900
120 days.

1972
01:55:31.900 --> 01:55:36.180
So I don't know if, but it was just cool that he said that and that he said, gave me such

1973
01:55:36.180 --> 01:55:41.900
a sense that like of healing and peace and joy that was coming, whether it's actually

1974
01:55:41.900 --> 01:55:44.180
months he's talking about or a season.

1975
01:55:44.180 --> 01:55:45.780
So just wanted to share that.

1976
01:55:45.780 --> 01:55:52.540
I mean, there's so much of like, you know, I go on for like 1000 years, I feel like,

1977
01:55:53.540 --> 01:55:58.220
the encounter I had that, that I want to try to make this real quick, because I, I know

1978
01:55:58.220 --> 01:56:03.780
it's getting kind of late and stuff is, so I was leaving someone's house, and I got in

1979
01:56:03.780 --> 01:56:06.180
the car.

1980
01:56:06.180 --> 01:56:09.060
And I don't even remember what I was repenting about.

1981
01:56:09.060 --> 01:56:14.780
Okay, but I was repenting for something, you know, and I mean, you just heard in this habit,

1982
01:56:14.780 --> 01:56:17.420
you know, you should repent and I'm repenting for something.

1983
01:56:17.420 --> 01:56:20.540
And it was like, the Lord was like, done.

1984
01:56:21.540 --> 01:56:25.460
Why are you still looking at?

1985
01:56:25.460 --> 01:56:33.780
And I was like, Okay, all right, well, he's got that in his voice again.

1986
01:56:33.780 --> 01:56:40.460
And, and he's like, you know, or he was Ed, you know, like, I know the word identity.

1987
01:56:40.460 --> 01:56:45.020
And it was embarrassing that this happened, like in the last three years, that that you

1988
01:56:45.020 --> 01:56:48.180
would think that I would know what identity is, right.

1989
01:56:48.380 --> 01:56:54.420
His word was, Ed, you need to be careful what you identify with.

1990
01:56:54.420 --> 01:56:58.820
And I was like, Okay, what are you talking about?

1991
01:56:58.820 --> 01:57:02.980
And he goes, you know, because he said, I'm not looking at that, you know, you are he

1992
01:57:02.980 --> 01:57:05.980
goes, Are you going to identify with me?

1993
01:57:05.980 --> 01:57:08.580
Are you gonna identify with your junk?

1994
01:57:08.580 --> 01:57:11.500
Are you gonna identify with me?

1995
01:57:11.500 --> 01:57:16.940
Are you gonna identify with your sin or your failures or your mistakes or your whatever,

1996
01:57:17.660 --> 01:57:22.140
or are you going to identify with me, my nature, my character, my stuff?

1997
01:57:22.140 --> 01:57:27.940
And he, then I was observing.

1998
01:57:27.940 --> 01:57:31.580
This can be very hard for some people to hear because it almost sounds sacrilegious.

1999
01:57:31.580 --> 01:57:36.540
But I was observing a conversation between myself and the Lord.

2000
01:57:36.540 --> 01:57:40.300
And it was like, I was always a third person watching this thing.

2001
01:57:40.300 --> 01:57:41.900
And the Lord just walked in.

2002
01:57:41.900 --> 01:57:45.780
And for me, and actually a laugh, like when the Lord wants to get something through to

2003
01:57:45.780 --> 01:57:50.900
me, he tells me or asked me the same thing three times, like Peter, like, just just takes

2004
01:57:50.900 --> 01:57:54.300
three times for some reason.

2005
01:57:54.300 --> 01:58:00.700
And he just looks at me, and I'm looking at him and he says, I am who you are.

2006
01:58:00.700 --> 01:58:03.580
And I was confused, alone.

2007
01:58:03.580 --> 01:58:04.580
I am who you are.

2008
01:58:04.580 --> 01:58:05.580
Like, I don't understand.

2009
01:58:05.580 --> 01:58:10.240
He goes, Yeah, I am who you are.

2010
01:58:10.240 --> 01:58:15.440
And I repeat back to him, I am who you are.

2011
01:58:15.440 --> 01:58:22.080
And he said, I am who you are.

2012
01:58:22.080 --> 01:58:27.040
And then I face brightened up and I was like, I am who you are.

2013
01:58:27.040 --> 01:58:29.320
And he says, I am who you are.

2014
01:58:29.320 --> 01:58:31.280
I am who you are.

2015
01:58:31.280 --> 01:58:33.000
And we went through this whole back and forth thing.

2016
01:58:33.000 --> 01:58:36.880
And he said, it's time for my people to identify more with me.

2017
01:58:37.880 --> 01:58:38.880
It's good.

2018
01:58:38.880 --> 01:58:39.880
Oh, good.

2019
01:58:39.880 --> 01:58:46.240
There are mistakes, there are baggage, there are whatever, you know, that's the day that

2020
01:58:46.240 --> 01:58:49.600
things change for me.

2021
01:58:49.600 --> 01:58:55.360
It's like, there's so many of us that have so much stuff that get in the way of us even

2022
01:58:55.360 --> 01:59:02.800
being able to try to apprehend that reality that is actually talking about, like, your

2023
01:59:02.800 --> 01:59:04.640
nature is his nature.

2024
01:59:05.400 --> 01:59:07.960
His way of being is your way of being.

2025
01:59:07.960 --> 01:59:10.440
Your history is not your teacher.

2026
01:59:10.440 --> 01:59:12.600
Your history is not your rabbi.

2027
01:59:12.600 --> 01:59:15.120
He's your rabbi.

2028
01:59:15.120 --> 01:59:22.480
And oftentimes our history is, you know, what makes up our future, but not in the kingdom.

2029
01:59:22.480 --> 01:59:23.480
Right.

2030
01:59:23.480 --> 01:59:24.480
That's good.

2031
01:59:24.480 --> 01:59:25.480
Yeah.

2032
01:59:25.480 --> 01:59:28.880
And that level of, I mean, you guys are, I'm so thankful you're bringing us into this understanding

2033
01:59:28.880 --> 01:59:33.700
because we've been talking so much about, I mean, this is such a revelation to understand

2034
01:59:33.760 --> 01:59:37.660
our union and the no separation and that, you know, how can this be?

2035
01:59:37.660 --> 01:59:42.420
I mean, it does feel sacrilegious at first, like you said, you know, and most many believers

2036
01:59:42.420 --> 01:59:48.620
would, you know, maybe balk at that, but that's how close we are.

2037
01:59:48.620 --> 01:59:53.700
That's how I, you know, we identify with him that closely.

2038
01:59:53.700 --> 01:59:54.900
And that's reality.

2039
01:59:54.900 --> 01:59:59.180
That's not just like a, you know, what we've called it like, oh yeah, we're one with Christ

2040
01:59:59.180 --> 02:00:00.060
or yeah, we're one with the.

2041
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.400
father or whatever, but we haven't not like not identified with it.

2042
02:00:04.000 --> 02:00:06.360
And our, and, and lived our life in such a way.

2043
02:00:06.640 --> 02:00:10.040
And that's, that's a huge shift that you guys are bringing to so many.

2044
02:00:10.040 --> 02:00:13.360
And I see you guys doing this on such a bigger scale.

2045
02:00:13.360 --> 02:00:16.200
I mean, I just see God blessing this so much.

2046
02:00:16.200 --> 02:00:19.280
And I even had a dream before the rest intensive started this time.

2047
02:00:19.880 --> 02:00:24.760
That I was my whole, my whole, um, my ministry, my business had become to

2048
02:00:24.760 --> 02:00:29.000
share about the rest intensive that I was sharing with people, you know, out

2049
02:00:29.000 --> 02:00:32.120
and about, um, which I'm constantly connecting with people, that's just

2050
02:00:32.120 --> 02:00:34.280
what I do, but it's like, that was what it was.

2051
02:00:34.280 --> 02:00:35.800
It was all about the rest intensive.

2052
02:00:35.800 --> 02:00:38.680
Like there was such a revelation on this and I knew it was for me, but it

2053
02:00:38.680 --> 02:00:43.560
was definitely not just for me, you know, and that somehow, yeah, that I

2054
02:00:43.560 --> 02:00:48.680
was going to help spread that even beyond the sense that I got, um, that

2055
02:00:48.680 --> 02:00:50.240
it would mark my whole ministry.

2056
02:00:50.320 --> 02:00:54.160
And the Lord said through a prophet a couple of years ago, your ministry

2057
02:00:54.160 --> 02:00:58.760
will be marked by signs, wonders, and miracles, but it will come from

2058
02:00:58.760 --> 02:01:01.080
a place of rest and he will just do it.

2059
02:01:01.080 --> 02:01:02.080
It won't be any striving.

2060
02:01:02.080 --> 02:01:05.960
And that's before I knew anything about rest at all on any level.

2061
02:01:06.120 --> 02:01:08.000
So he said it and he's doing it.

2062
02:01:08.040 --> 02:01:09.760
So anyways, thank you for sharing that.

2063
02:01:09.920 --> 02:01:10.840
That's amazing.

2064
02:01:11.120 --> 02:01:11.600
Amazing.

2065
02:01:13.800 --> 02:01:17.640
You know, you are definitely, I want to use the word, I'm going to use a word,

2066
02:01:17.920 --> 02:01:24.680
but I have to qualify it and that's a rescuer in, in our codependent histories.

2067
02:01:25.680 --> 02:01:26.040
Yeah.

2068
02:01:26.360 --> 02:01:28.400
You know, rescuer is not a good thing.

2069
02:01:28.840 --> 02:01:29.440
Right.

2070
02:01:30.800 --> 02:01:31.200
Okay.

2071
02:01:31.480 --> 02:01:37.360
But in a redeemed sense, you can be, I think there's been the, I think there's

2072
02:01:37.360 --> 02:01:41.360
a, there's a place where God can do something sovereignly like this, but

2073
02:01:41.360 --> 02:01:46.480
what he does in a process, you're given authority and I have no doubt that

2074
02:01:46.480 --> 02:01:50.360
you're going to be used powerfully by God to bring healing and understanding

2075
02:01:50.760 --> 02:01:55.240
and inclusion and bring in a lot, even integration into a lot of people

2076
02:01:55.520 --> 02:02:00.720
and to bring a lot of hope and that there is a joy for morning, you know,

2077
02:02:01.400 --> 02:02:05.480
and that there is going to be a real shift in your life and that you're

2078
02:02:05.480 --> 02:02:07.240
going to be used very powerfully.

2079
02:02:07.600 --> 02:02:16.400
And that there's been such a battle over your senses over, uh, I'm going to use

2080
02:02:16.400 --> 02:02:17.880
a word, but don't judge me for it.

2081
02:02:17.880 --> 02:02:25.440
Empathic kind of, uh, sensitivity, you know, what we call spiritual

2082
02:02:25.440 --> 02:02:28.160
sensitivity, which is really going to turn into a very high form of

2083
02:02:28.160 --> 02:02:33.680
discernment and, and even the ability to be able to see as a matter of fact,

2084
02:02:34.040 --> 02:02:37.840
uh, Bob Jones used to talk about and set, there's a really interesting

2085
02:02:37.840 --> 02:02:41.400
thing where he's taken to heaven and his senses, he got to experience

2086
02:02:41.400 --> 02:02:47.560
his senses in heaven as they can fully be like all that he could smell

2087
02:02:47.560 --> 02:02:50.520
all that he could see all that he could taste all, whatever.

2088
02:02:50.520 --> 02:02:55.720
And he talks about our senses becoming golden, where we can experience

2089
02:02:55.720 --> 02:02:59.840
God and in heaven, in the realm of the spirit, through all of our senses,

2090
02:03:00.200 --> 02:03:05.800
not just in a, in a vague impression, but that you can smell the rose of

2091
02:03:05.800 --> 02:03:08.440
Sharon, you can, you can feel his presence.

2092
02:03:08.440 --> 02:03:12.560
You can taste, you know, whatever almonds or whatever it is that is.

2093
02:03:13.560 --> 02:03:18.240
But the, the point is that there's a redemption coming in a redeeming of

2094
02:03:18.240 --> 02:03:20.000
these things that have been lost.

2095
02:03:20.320 --> 02:03:25.360
And then the way it looks to me is that the Lord will take, uh, areas of

2096
02:03:25.360 --> 02:03:31.040
someone's life that the enemy intended for evil or to hurt them.

2097
02:03:31.520 --> 02:03:35.680
And then you become his, you become his instrument of vengeance

2098
02:03:35.920 --> 02:03:37.120
in the way he sees it.

2099
02:03:37.520 --> 02:03:41.000
And the sense is that you're now rescuing people from the very

2100
02:03:42.000 --> 02:03:46.880
that God, that the enemy was trying to torment you with the God, then you

2101
02:03:46.880 --> 02:03:51.160
went into the weapon, the scalpel, the instrument of healing and deliverance

2102
02:03:51.160 --> 02:03:55.080
and rescue or whatever it is that it is in a different way.

2103
02:03:55.080 --> 02:03:58.800
And I believe that that is really going to be a triumphant part of your story,

2104
02:03:59.480 --> 02:04:04.360
you know, and that there's a fierceness and that you are not a victim that you're

2105
02:04:04.360 --> 02:04:09.080
a victor and that there's a fierceness to who you are and who you're called to be.

2106
02:04:09.440 --> 02:04:13.720
And that all of the dampening that has happened in your life, because it was

2107
02:04:13.720 --> 02:04:17.600
clearly seen by the enemy, that there's something that strikes terror into the

2108
02:04:17.600 --> 02:04:21.960
ranks of the enemy about you coming into a reality and understanding and

2109
02:04:21.960 --> 02:04:23.880
an agreement with who you are.

2110
02:04:25.600 --> 02:04:25.960
Right.

2111
02:04:26.080 --> 02:04:28.000
And all of that, right.

2112
02:04:28.000 --> 02:04:29.360
Well, then start to make sense.

2113
02:04:29.360 --> 02:04:32.200
And once you start to see it, you're going to get angry, but what's

2114
02:04:32.200 --> 02:04:35.800
going to really happen is you're going to see it in other people and

2115
02:04:35.800 --> 02:04:37.200
it's going to make you really angry.

2116
02:04:37.520 --> 02:04:40.280
And there was a woman, and this you'll understand for sure, there was a woman

2117
02:04:40.280 --> 02:04:46.600
I knew who was called to do some stuff and we were doing deliverance things.

2118
02:04:46.640 --> 02:04:49.600
And she was like, I don't know if I can do this.

2119
02:04:49.840 --> 02:04:54.440
Like she was very well-mannered and she's like, I just don't know.

2120
02:04:54.760 --> 02:04:55.680
She's newly married.

2121
02:04:55.680 --> 02:04:59.960
And I said, it's because you haven't had your mama bear button pushed.

2122
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.000
She's like, what do you mean, I think every mom has a mama bear button.

2123
02:05:06.000 --> 02:05:14.000
Oh yeah, my mom used to say there's no more deadly thing than a mama bear protecting her cubs. Right. And she hadn't had children yet.

2124
02:05:14.000 --> 02:05:27.000
Right. And I said once you get your mama bear button, you're going to get it because then that's going to be the Lord's kid, or somebody once you see it, you're going to rise up and you're going to want to do something about it.

2125
02:05:27.000 --> 02:05:29.000
Right. Right. Yes.

2126
02:05:29.000 --> 02:05:42.000
I feel like there's something very similar for you. Yes, there's a redemption. There's a light of the other in a tumble but tunnel but I would enjoy the ride, because it's going to be the greatest time of intimacy with you and the Lord that you've

2127
02:05:42.000 --> 02:05:59.000
ever had. Come on. Yes, the time for you to have tremendous intimacy, where you're going to be able to draw close to him going to be able to tell you things and and don't despise the things that you're doing, or feel like you're having to relearn,

2128
02:05:59.000 --> 02:06:05.000
or that you don't in your adult mind. I shouldn't be having to do this.

2129
02:06:06.000 --> 02:06:19.000
Remember that there's an aspect of all of us when we're just like a child. Yeah, we're like a kid. We may be five or seven or whatever. And as Ashley says, if you're five be five.

2130
02:06:19.000 --> 02:06:30.000
If you're, if you're 13 be 13. Stop trying to make a 13 year old, an adult. In some places, we're all children in certain aspects of our life. Does that make sense.

2131
02:06:30.000 --> 02:06:33.000
So, I wanted to try something with you now.

2132
02:06:33.000 --> 02:06:39.000
I wouldn't normally just kind of dive in here and do it but I wanted to try something with you.

2133
02:06:39.000 --> 02:06:44.000
And by try me and he's done it dozens if not hundreds of times and that you have.

2134
02:06:44.000 --> 02:06:48.000
I'm not the guinea pig.

2135
02:06:49.000 --> 02:07:01.000
And if it's just too strange of a, if it's just too strange of a situation and you got like zoom and, you know, there's not a box of tissues or whatever, it's okay.

2136
02:07:01.000 --> 02:07:02.000
Right. Okay.

2137
02:07:02.000 --> 02:07:05.000
You don't see anything, nothing happens.

2138
02:07:05.000 --> 02:07:07.000
Okay, don't make.

2139
02:07:07.000 --> 02:07:11.000
Don't make stuff up. Okay, but we're just going to try something. Okay. Okay.

2140
02:07:12.000 --> 02:07:18.000
And so basically, I'm going to pray and don't distract me sweetie.

2141
02:07:18.000 --> 02:07:20.000
All right.

2142
02:07:20.000 --> 02:07:23.000
You guys are too.

2143
02:07:23.000 --> 02:07:35.000
She's like, don't get too close. I gotta get I gotta get in the zone here. So, so basically, I'm going to just ask, I'm going to pray for the Lord to come.

2144
02:07:35.000 --> 02:07:38.000
Okay. And I'm going to ask him to bring something up.

2145
02:07:38.000 --> 02:07:41.000
Okay, and you're safe. Okay.

2146
02:07:41.000 --> 02:07:49.000
If you don't see anything nothing comes up. Nothing comes up. No big deal. There's nothing wrong with you. Okay, just not the time. Right.

2147
02:07:49.000 --> 02:07:55.000
And if he and if something does right, you just let me know. Okay. And all we're going to do.

2148
02:07:55.000 --> 02:08:02.000
And this is really going to be important for you is we're just going to invite the Lord into that place. Okay, that's it. That complicated.

2149
02:08:03.000 --> 02:08:11.000
We'll see where things go from there. But that's it. I just feel like I want to open something for you. That's it. Okay. Is it okay.

2150
02:08:11.000 --> 02:08:13.000
I feel safe.

2151
02:08:13.000 --> 02:08:14.000
All right.

2152
02:08:14.000 --> 02:08:26.000
So Lord I just thank you Lord I thank you for this call I thank you for my brother and sister Lord, I thank you. And I asked Holy Spirit, you would come

2153
02:08:27.000 --> 02:08:46.000
that you would start to fill their space in their home right now Lord that your heart Lord for her to unfold to cover right now Lord I break the power of all the witchcraft they've been under.

2154
02:08:46.000 --> 02:09:05.000
I break the power of every word every word curse every word container that Lord is every for lack of better term work order that has been out there in the spirit to plague and harass Lord we asked your angels to come and clean out all the residue to remove to arrest

2155
02:09:05.000 --> 02:09:22.000
everything in the home there that is not meant to be that you yourself have not aligned Lord we we speak and we command everything to align to to heaven to the sounds the vibration frequencies of heaven Lord whatever the words are there are right there.

2156
02:09:22.000 --> 02:09:29.000
It's just what came out of my mouth that Lord that that place be aligned to heaven, and that be aligned to you.

2157
02:09:30.000 --> 02:09:32.000
And so Lord right now.

2158
02:09:32.000 --> 02:09:38.000
I asked God if there's anything on your heart for her.

2159
02:09:38.000 --> 02:10:01.000
Any place from her life from her past that you want to touch that you would bring it to the surface Lord.

2160
02:11:00.000 --> 02:11:07.000
How are you doing?

2161
02:11:07.000 --> 02:11:10.000
I'm good, I'm good.

2162
02:11:10.000 --> 02:11:16.000
I'm seeing, I've just been seeing this house and started out with like a painter coming in.

2163
02:11:16.000 --> 02:11:26.000
Like I saw the, you know, the long painting stick that they use and I saw this painter come in with this bucket of paint and it's like painting up at the top of the ceiling.

2164
02:11:26.000 --> 02:11:44.000
And then kind of went and then I just saw like those like is kind of like this house under construction or something like that and I saw these rooms off in the distance and I was just seeing that I'm resistant to want to explore those rooms.

2165
02:11:45.000 --> 02:12:10.000
And I'm telling the Lord, you know, I feel scared to go in there, I don't really want to go in there and I've just seen like stuff falling out of the rooms like a, you know, a doll's head rolling on the floor and, you know, things that would seem scary like a jack in the box, you know, and a clown or things like that that feel scary in a way but that's as far as it got in terms of what I actually saw.

2166
02:12:10.000 --> 02:12:14.000
So, you're safe. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

2167
02:12:14.000 --> 02:12:15.000
Okay.

2168
02:12:15.000 --> 02:12:23.000
I was gonna, what I'm going to do, right, let's go back. I'm gonna ask the Lord to come right to be there with you. Yeah.

2169
02:12:23.000 --> 02:12:33.000
And then let him if and then I'll pray and if there's something he wants to show you, he'll be the one to lead you to take you. You don't need to go anywhere by yourself.

2170
02:12:33.000 --> 02:12:40.000
Okay. So Lord, we thank you for what this is. We don't know what all of this is Lord.

2171
02:12:40.000 --> 02:12:52.000
I ask right now that you would just help her to right now we just do we borrow another prayer from a friend of mine Lord we bind our own vain imaginations the voice of the enemy, that Holy Spirit that you would be the one to speak.

2172
02:12:52.000 --> 02:12:56.000
So she can confidently rely on you.

2173
02:12:56.000 --> 02:12:59.000
Lord we invite you in to this house.

2174
02:12:59.000 --> 02:13:01.000
The rooms.

2175
02:13:01.000 --> 02:13:05.000
I ask you to show her where you are.

2176
02:13:05.000 --> 02:13:10.000
You would join her.

2177
02:13:10.000 --> 02:13:18.000
And if you would just invite him to come with you.

2178
02:13:18.000 --> 02:13:42.000
Lord would you want to show her.

2179
02:13:42.000 --> 02:13:45.000
I just saw him.

2180
02:13:45.000 --> 02:13:56.000
And he just like took my hand and pulled me in and the kind of dining room area before the bedrooms or whatever. And it was just this like playful like embrace and I was little.

2181
02:13:56.000 --> 02:14:06.000
At that point, and I was like, you know, come with me like kind of pulling him toward the door, and I got really excited like we're going to go in here.

2182
02:14:07.000 --> 02:14:17.000
And he was like, like that he was not moving with me he was like, no, like he put it like a stop sign on the door and close the door like you don't need to go in there.

2183
02:14:17.000 --> 02:14:19.000
Right. What I saw.

2184
02:14:19.000 --> 02:14:24.000
Okay, how old do you think you were

2185
02:14:24.000 --> 02:14:28.000
probably looks like four or five.

2186
02:14:28.000 --> 02:14:29.000
Okay.

2187
02:14:29.000 --> 02:14:30.000
All right.

2188
02:14:30.000 --> 02:14:34.000
So that's an exercise we don't need to go any further than that.

2189
02:14:34.000 --> 02:14:36.000
But as things come up.

2190
02:14:36.000 --> 02:14:45.000
It's really in your alone time, this is where I really feel like the intimacy is going to go to another level, where you invite him instead of pushing these things away.

2191
02:14:45.000 --> 02:14:48.000
You invite him in.

2192
02:14:48.000 --> 02:14:51.000
He's going to show you things he's going to tell you things.

2193
02:14:51.000 --> 02:14:56.000
And this is also. I knew that there was a little girl lives going to be in there.

2194
02:14:56.000 --> 02:14:58.000
And that's why I wanted to go.

2195
02:14:58.000 --> 02:15:00.000
Like I wasn't going to push it tonight but I knew.

2196
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:05.200
there was going to be a little girl there. I knew before we ever start. Okay. And this is a place

2197
02:15:05.200 --> 02:15:10.320
where you can help. The Lord can help you to kind of like, okay, what about this little girl? You

2198
02:15:10.320 --> 02:15:17.040
know, because we, we it's, it's, I know it sounds weird. Okay. But we almost have to look at them

2199
02:15:17.040 --> 02:15:24.480
as if they're not us. Right. Yeah. Right. You to engage the compassion to realize that this little

2200
02:15:24.480 --> 02:15:34.400
kid is a little, she's five and she's scared and she's alone. Right. And she's probably been in

2201
02:15:34.400 --> 02:15:41.920
that house for a long time. And if you met a five-year-old and you're going to meet them,

2202
02:15:41.920 --> 02:15:47.520
but they're going to be the grownup version of this five-year-old. Okay. You're going to have

2203
02:15:47.520 --> 02:15:52.880
tremendous compassion for them. You're going to want to, you're going to want to tell them

2204
02:15:52.880 --> 02:15:56.320
that they're safe. You're going to want to make it safe. You're going to want to love them. You're

2205
02:15:56.320 --> 02:16:00.640
going to want to tell them what a great job that they've done, that they haven't done anything

2206
02:16:00.640 --> 02:16:11.600
wrong. Yeah. Right. And then somewhere in that mystery, okay. Is, is a resolving of you with

2207
02:16:11.600 --> 02:16:24.000
yourself. Yeah. Because there's some, there's some place in there that we cross over and that,

2208
02:16:24.000 --> 02:16:29.600
that kid really becomes us. And then there's a compassion for you that comes that you didn't

2209
02:16:29.600 --> 02:16:36.160
have before. Does that make sense? Yeah. And that's what I mean in this season,

2210
02:16:37.120 --> 02:16:42.080
as you're walking through this stuff with Ashley and, you know, as stuff starts to surface,

2211
02:16:42.879 --> 02:16:48.559
don't just squelch it, look at it as an opportunity that God may be bringing this stuff up.

2212
02:16:48.559 --> 02:16:54.000
And this is an opportunity for you to see aspects of God that you've never had and tools to be able

2213
02:16:54.000 --> 02:17:00.559
to help people. And I'm telling you, the Lord is going to bring people that have been through some

2214
02:17:00.559 --> 02:17:06.879
horrendous stuff. Right. And, you know, you know, through your life and you're going to be

2215
02:17:06.879 --> 02:17:11.920
a great instrument of healing and hope, but he's going to start with you. The rescue,

2216
02:17:12.719 --> 02:17:16.959
the rescue mission starts with you. Yeah. That's what he said. That's the big thing.

2217
02:17:17.520 --> 02:17:22.080
The rescue mission starts with you, you know, and the first order of any, if you take any

2218
02:17:22.320 --> 02:17:28.639
kind of critical care or a first responder or whatever, or if you want to use the plain analogy,

2219
02:17:28.639 --> 02:17:34.799
when the oxygen masks fall, the first person that gets oxygen is you. The first thing when you get

2220
02:17:34.799 --> 02:17:44.160
on scene is, am I okay? Are we okay? Is the area safe? Not because most people want to run in

2221
02:17:44.879 --> 02:17:51.040
and run straight to the person. But the reality is if there's a wild animal, if there's a live

2222
02:17:51.040 --> 02:17:56.639
animal, if there's a live wire, if, if you get taken out, then there's nobody there to be able

2223
02:17:56.639 --> 02:18:03.120
to help anyone. Right. So you're, you know, and then in the very bottom of all of this is the

2224
02:18:03.120 --> 02:18:10.959
Lord telling you, you're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it. And he's

2225
02:18:10.959 --> 02:18:15.520
going to tell you over, he's going to tell you over, and he's going to tell you over, and he's

2226
02:18:15.520 --> 02:18:23.040
going to be relentlessly, relentlessly telling you over and over until finally you give up and

2227
02:18:23.040 --> 02:18:29.040
you agree. Yeah. The last image I'm going to leave with you is there was a woman that I knew,

2228
02:18:29.040 --> 02:18:36.879
there's two of them as a matter of fact, and she saw one point she went and she was really

2229
02:18:36.959 --> 02:18:46.559
struggling. And she was in this prayer appointment and she was behind this wall, a little, little

2230
02:18:46.559 --> 02:18:53.760
version of her. And she was really, I don't know how old she was, but she was scared and she was

2231
02:18:53.760 --> 02:19:00.639
walled off and there was no getting to her. She was, she had walled herself off. Like this is the

2232
02:19:00.639 --> 02:19:09.200
woman, right? She'd been so hurt and stuff. And she started crying and laughing and they said, well,

2233
02:19:09.200 --> 02:19:17.520
what's going on? Oh, is the Lord with you? Well, yeah, kind of. What do you mean? I said, well,

2234
02:19:19.200 --> 02:19:23.520
he wouldn't come through the door. He was throwing rose petals over the wall.

2235
02:19:24.480 --> 02:19:33.440
Yeah. I love it. I've had a, I've had a vision of him where he he was on the other side of a

2236
02:19:33.440 --> 02:19:40.559
waterfall. My hands were up and he was right there. Like, but it's like, it was just water,

2237
02:19:40.559 --> 02:19:47.200
but it felt like a wall, but it was actually our hands were touching each other through this

2238
02:19:47.200 --> 02:19:55.280
waterfall. Wow. But yeah, he will. But he's gentle. He's gentle. His voice is always going

2239
02:19:55.280 --> 02:19:59.840
to be gentle. It can be firm and loving, you know, and he's fierce.

2240
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:06.480
Yeah. But with you, he's going to be very gentle. His voice is gentle, you know,

2241
02:20:06.480 --> 02:20:10.160
that's all I begged him for is like, I know we're not supposed to beg, but I've just been so

2242
02:20:10.160 --> 02:20:14.480
desperate that I've just been like, please, just please be gentle. Like I'm willing to do this,

2243
02:20:15.440 --> 02:20:21.520
but please, you know, be gentle. Like I know what harsh feels like, and I don't feel like I can

2244
02:20:21.520 --> 02:20:27.200
take that, you know? Yeah. No, David prayed that he's, I don't remember which Psalm it was,

2245
02:20:27.200 --> 02:20:34.720
but he prayed, you know, Lord, please be gentle with me. Yeah. And, but that's part of his nature

2246
02:20:35.280 --> 02:20:41.120
is he is gentle. He knows you. And one of the reasons that this hasn't been a fast process

2247
02:20:41.120 --> 02:20:47.680
is because he is gentle and he knows what you need when you need it. But I have a feeling,

2248
02:20:47.680 --> 02:20:51.280
my sense for you, you know, I'm not going to say the sayeth the Lord. Okay.

2249
02:20:52.160 --> 02:20:57.920
Yeah. Is that the time is, is here. There's a transition.

2250
02:21:00.640 --> 02:21:07.040
And I just would really surrender them to that place of trusting him with, with it.

2251
02:21:07.680 --> 02:21:16.560
Yeah. I felt such a sense of like, this is such a, like he's made it so clear to me that this is

2252
02:21:16.560 --> 02:21:21.520
such a turning point that this is, this is it. You know what I mean? Like, I know what it's like

2253
02:21:21.520 --> 02:21:28.480
to walk with him thus far, but I know what I've been seeking after in terms of freedom and the

2254
02:21:28.480 --> 02:21:33.760
fact that he knows that what I, that I need that still. And even though he's told me I'm free,

2255
02:21:33.760 --> 02:21:36.480
you know, I don't know if you call it freedom or healing or they go together, but

2256
02:21:37.120 --> 02:21:44.320
it's like, I feel such a sense of now's the time. And it's like an urgency. It's like,

2257
02:21:44.720 --> 02:21:51.520
like this is the big finale. It doesn't mean that life's not going to continue to go on and that

2258
02:21:51.520 --> 02:21:57.840
there's not going to be things, but I'm like, it's, it's such a sense of now is now. And he

2259
02:21:57.840 --> 02:22:03.840
set an alarm, like he set up everything he's aligned everything he's forced me lovingly and

2260
02:22:03.840 --> 02:22:09.760
gently into and hemmed me in, into this place of rest that he's called me to and says, shut down

2261
02:22:10.560 --> 02:22:16.560
everything in your life for this turnoff. I mean, we've, we've, we've moved and shifted as he's

2262
02:22:16.560 --> 02:22:24.480
told us to in so many ways to make, make it to tonight, like the job and that the searching for

2263
02:22:24.480 --> 02:22:30.640
a new job and me shutting down everything online and my business, my LLC, my nonprofit, my ministry,

2264
02:22:31.360 --> 02:22:40.560
my friendships, my everything, just to focus on me and a gift of rest after survival for so long.

2265
02:22:40.560 --> 02:22:47.040
And it's like, the fear has tried to say, there's such an urgency on this. You don't want to miss

2266
02:22:47.040 --> 02:22:52.320
this. You can't not, you know, you can't miss this, but I know that's not his heart. It's more

2267
02:22:52.320 --> 02:23:00.240
like an invitation and it's, it's an inevitable, you know, rescue, I guess you, as you called it

2268
02:23:00.240 --> 02:23:07.040
in a redemption and a, you know, embrace between us that has been long awaited in a way, you know,

2269
02:23:07.040 --> 02:23:16.080
like this, this coming home feeling. So yeah. Don't fear what you don't know and where it's

2270
02:23:16.080 --> 02:23:20.000
going to lead. Okay. That has been my biggest question is like, Lord, you had me shut down my

2271
02:23:20.000 --> 02:23:24.080
entire life. And I don't know for how long, I don't know what it's going to look like. I don't

2272
02:23:24.080 --> 02:23:29.200
know what you're going to ask of me. I don't know how scary it's going to be. I don't know how, if

2273
02:23:29.200 --> 02:23:32.960
it's going to take months or years, you know what I mean? Like all these questions of just, I don't

2274
02:23:32.960 --> 02:23:38.000
know, I'm out of control now completely. And that's where I need to be, but it's also felt

2275
02:23:39.120 --> 02:23:46.320
not fun, you know, just not knowing anything. Well, just trust takes time and the more history

2276
02:23:47.040 --> 02:23:51.840
there is the stronger, the trust. And when you've had your trust broken repeatedly,

2277
02:23:51.840 --> 02:23:56.320
especially early in life, that trust is hard. And so there's aspects we trust the Lord,

2278
02:23:56.320 --> 02:24:02.880
but we're always learning aspects in which we, we don't. Right. So you have, you're in a house,

2279
02:24:02.880 --> 02:24:06.480
like a word, just a minute ago, and there are rooms you don't want to go in because you're

2280
02:24:06.480 --> 02:24:13.120
frightened. And he comes into the room and he grabs your hand and you're okay. And he tells

2281
02:24:13.120 --> 02:24:19.040
you, you don't need to go in there. And the more time that happens, the more trust is built

2282
02:24:19.600 --> 02:24:24.800
and he is trustworthy. We know it. Okay. But he also knows that you need that time

2283
02:24:25.680 --> 02:24:31.120
to get the strength, to get the trust to a level where you'll walk with him anywhere.

2284
02:24:31.920 --> 02:24:38.160
And then he'll walk, he'll grab your hand and he'll walk. Right. And he'll lead you into all

2285
02:24:38.160 --> 02:24:42.960
of these places and you'll trust him and know that he's got the best intent for you. And there's

2286
02:24:42.960 --> 02:24:49.280
nothing to fear, but that just takes time. So be don't beat yourself up, you know, have grace for

2287
02:24:49.280 --> 02:24:56.960
yourself. Yeah. Amen. Thank you so, so much you guys. Yeah. You're welcome. Thank you for extra

2288
02:24:56.960 --> 02:24:59.920
time and going late. I know it's very, very late for you.

2289
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:07.360
y'all. Oh, you are. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, we're in South Carolina.

2290
02:25:07.400 --> 02:25:12.280
Yeah. Yeah. Y'all are Illinois, right? Yeah. Our head of us.

2291
02:25:12.840 --> 02:25:17.200
Okay. Yeah. Liberty and I had a dinner together.

2292
02:25:19.560 --> 02:25:22.800
Was it a September 2021? Maybe?

2293
02:25:23.640 --> 02:25:27.720
It's so wild. Yeah, September. And I remember, we were just

2294
02:25:27.720 --> 02:25:31.960
starting to, like, intentionally spend time together. And I don't

2295
02:25:31.960 --> 02:25:34.640
know if I even told you about it that night, because it's so new.

2296
02:25:34.920 --> 02:25:37.040
And I was just meeting you. So I didn't want to be like, well,

2297
02:25:37.040 --> 02:25:40.080
there's this potential, you know, guy or whatever. But I

2298
02:25:40.080 --> 02:25:43.040
went straight from our visit, Bloomington, you met back to

2299
02:25:43.040 --> 02:25:48.000
meet him. Yeah, Bloomington, right? Yeah.

2300
02:25:48.520 --> 02:25:52.400
That was good. I love it. Here we are a year later, we're both

2301
02:25:52.400 --> 02:25:56.320
married. So straight. I know the way the Lord did all that. I

2302
02:25:56.320 --> 02:26:01.000
mean, like parallel journeys and in some ways, you know, yeah,

2303
02:26:01.000 --> 02:26:03.840
different circumstances, but just cool timing that I think

2304
02:26:03.840 --> 02:26:08.160
it's seven months today. And you guys are like five months in

2305
02:26:09.640 --> 02:26:13.680
August, September, October. So we're on our fifth. We're on our

2306
02:26:13.920 --> 02:26:19.160
Yeah. Yeah. So our first, our first date was October 31. Last

2307
02:26:19.160 --> 02:26:24.880
year. So we just passed our first date anniversary. He's

2308
02:26:24.880 --> 02:26:25.520
very new.

2309
02:26:27.840 --> 02:26:30.280
Do you remember our date anniversary? I was like, we

2310
02:26:30.280 --> 02:26:30.800
have a date.

2311
02:26:33.760 --> 02:26:38.240
It's not that we celebrate it. I didn't remember until it passed.

2312
02:26:38.840 --> 02:26:41.680
Those are special times, though, to remember the beginnings

2313
02:26:41.680 --> 02:26:44.840
because God just such a sweet thing and a beautiful thing and

2314
02:26:44.840 --> 02:26:47.080
bringing you together. And I know we weren't expecting it,

2315
02:26:47.080 --> 02:26:50.320
you probably weren't expecting it. So it's just so we were, we

2316
02:26:50.320 --> 02:26:53.240
were friends and we were not expecting it at all. But the

2317
02:26:53.240 --> 02:26:56.160
cool thing is we started liking each other almost literally the

2318
02:26:56.160 --> 02:27:00.720
exact same time. Wow. Yeah, that was awesome for me. I had

2319
02:27:01.160 --> 02:27:03.440
Facebook stalker for three months before I you know, God

2320
02:27:03.440 --> 02:27:06.800
brought her back around so I can finally ask her to a conference

2321
02:27:06.800 --> 02:27:08.560
and then two weeks later, finally ask her to coffee.

2322
02:27:09.280 --> 02:27:13.040
The first time he asked me to coffee, it was just this like,

2323
02:27:13.480 --> 02:27:17.200
dismal failure, you know, like, Oh, my gosh, that was terrible.

2324
02:27:17.240 --> 02:27:19.240
Why? Why did I do that? God? Like,

2325
02:27:19.280 --> 02:27:23.120
I saw I saw like, I thought it was a engagement ring or

2326
02:27:23.120 --> 02:27:25.680
something on her finger. But it was this costume jewelry that a

2327
02:27:25.680 --> 02:27:28.560
friend gave her. So I'm like, is she just wearing this to ward

2328
02:27:28.560 --> 02:27:32.480
off guys? Because I got nervous when I asked her out. And I put

2329
02:27:32.480 --> 02:27:34.560
on the back end like, yeah, I want to learn more about your

2330
02:27:34.560 --> 02:27:38.040
ministry. So I'm like, well, maybe she's only here because to

2331
02:27:38.040 --> 02:27:40.200
talk about ministry. So I'm just gonna focus on the ministry

2332
02:27:40.200 --> 02:27:40.640
piece.

2333
02:27:40.680 --> 02:27:43.120
He just like had me talk about myself the whole time. And he

2334
02:27:43.120 --> 02:27:45.760
didn't share anything vulnerably from his life. And he wasn't

2335
02:27:45.760 --> 02:27:48.800
like, talking hardly at all are easy to get to know. And he was

2336
02:27:48.800 --> 02:27:51.520
awkward. And I was just like, I must have misread this. I must

2337
02:27:51.520 --> 02:27:53.920
have misread like, maybe I thought he liked me. But like,

2338
02:27:53.920 --> 02:27:56.480
I and I laid it down. I said, Lord, I'm just laying down the

2339
02:27:56.480 --> 02:28:00.560
expectations. Like I, you know, surrender it all and forget

2340
02:28:00.560 --> 02:28:04.280
that. And then he ended up reaching out later and and

2341
02:28:04.280 --> 02:28:06.640
saying, I'm glad we met and all that. And I was like, yeah. And

2342
02:28:06.640 --> 02:28:10.800
then finally, I said, you know, got up the courage to say, you

2343
02:28:10.800 --> 02:28:13.120
know, I was just curious, like, why you asked me out. And I

2344
02:28:13.120 --> 02:28:15.680
thought maybe you were interested, you know, because

2345
02:28:15.680 --> 02:28:18.040
you asked me to coffee started with our are you always you

2346
02:28:18.040 --> 02:28:22.960
always as kind to everybody or whatever. And I'm like, well, I

2347
02:28:22.960 --> 02:28:26.600
try to be kind, but like, I was kind of hinting at like, yeah.

2348
02:28:28.200 --> 02:28:32.080
No, not this guy. He's so kind. But But yeah, and then it came

2349
02:28:32.080 --> 02:28:34.680
out that he's like, well, I saw the ring on your finger. And

2350
02:28:34.680 --> 02:28:38.120
then, you know, I just kind of assumed you were not interested

2351
02:28:38.120 --> 02:28:40.320
in dating or maybe you weren't ready. And I was like, what?

2352
02:28:40.880 --> 02:28:43.200
That was on my ring finger. I just like threw that on. And

2353
02:28:43.200 --> 02:28:45.360
when I was going out the door, and it became this big joke. So

2354
02:28:45.400 --> 02:28:46.240
anyways, that was

2355
02:28:46.800 --> 02:28:49.880
after coffee, we went together to a church event where she

2356
02:28:49.880 --> 02:28:53.080
didn't have the ring on, which further complicated, like, why

2357
02:28:53.080 --> 02:28:54.240
is she not wearing it now?

2358
02:28:56.840 --> 02:28:59.440
The Lord used it to be like a funny beginning to our story,

2359
02:28:59.440 --> 02:29:02.960
because I almost never I would have never dated. I've seen him

2360
02:29:02.960 --> 02:29:06.280
again, thinking like, that was weird. And then it just became

2361
02:29:06.280 --> 02:29:09.320
out that it was a big mistake that he was nervous because I

2362
02:29:09.320 --> 02:29:11.760
was wearing a ring on my ring finger, and I didn't even know

2363
02:29:11.760 --> 02:29:17.760
it. But yeah, you guys are adorable. I love I love seeing

2364
02:29:17.760 --> 02:29:20.720
you together. It's like it makes all sense now, now that I meet

2365
02:29:20.720 --> 02:29:24.160
you and see you guys together and how you operate and, like

2366
02:29:24.160 --> 02:29:26.000
love each other. You're so sweet to each other.

2367
02:29:26.800 --> 02:29:30.320
Thanks. Well, y'all are the first ones to get to have a I

2368
02:29:30.320 --> 02:29:33.200
mean, it's transformation session, but personal ministry

2369
02:29:33.200 --> 02:29:37.480
time with with it. The first one was amazing. discover how

2370
02:29:37.480 --> 02:29:42.560
great it is. I told him I said, take over. Oh, my goodness. I

2371
02:29:42.560 --> 02:29:43.320
feel so much.

2372
02:29:46.320 --> 02:29:49.440
No, I think it's together. Oh, and I was gonna ask you, I hate

2373
02:29:49.440 --> 02:29:52.240
to I never like to pry and ask questions, you know, just out of

2374
02:29:52.240 --> 02:29:55.600
the blue people. But I just was curious if you felt led to have

2375
02:29:55.600 --> 02:29:59.680
children. Or if you guys feel a leading for that, because I

2376
02:30:00.000 --> 02:30:04.560
heavily, like the Lord, maybe a month or two ago, it was like, they're supposed to be parents. And

2377
02:30:05.360 --> 02:30:08.960
you know, it was just like putting it on my heart. Like, oh my goodness, she's going to

2378
02:30:08.960 --> 02:30:14.800
be a mom. And I don't know what to be, you know, it's like, I know my friend, Nathan,

2379
02:30:14.800 --> 02:30:18.400
who's two years old and I am has had, they had three kids in three and a half years.

2380
02:30:20.480 --> 02:30:25.040
And he's been, he's had a tough, and I'll say he didn't weather it very, very well. And his wife

2381
02:30:25.040 --> 02:30:32.320
likes to remind him of it, you know? So I wonder, you know, it's, it's something we, we want, but

2382
02:30:32.320 --> 02:30:37.280
of course, you know, I think like, you know, how old am I going to be when they're in, you know?

2383
02:30:37.920 --> 02:30:46.240
Right. Oh, yeah. You're 11 years apart. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I get it. I so get it. I have a lot

2384
02:30:46.240 --> 02:30:52.880
of my friends are more at the 50 mark and they're closer to, you know, I feel closer to them than a

2385
02:30:52.880 --> 02:30:56.400
lot of my friends that are, you know, 30 or whatever, but I'm kind of in the middle. So,

2386
02:30:57.040 --> 02:31:04.640
but who, who, who's counting then? Seriously? Gosh, children are such a reward. They, they really,

2387
02:31:04.640 --> 02:31:09.040
really are. I mean, it's, it's people say, but it's like, it is the best thing you'll ever do.

2388
02:31:09.040 --> 02:31:14.640
And there's no, nothing that can change that, you know, no age that can put a cap on that kind of

2389
02:31:14.640 --> 02:31:28.400
love. So yeah. Yes. Oh, yes. I see that big time. Yeah. Just remember you're not old to your 85.

2390
02:31:28.400 --> 02:31:36.880
So I just think that's the truth. I mean, we say it and we mean it, like we say it and our kids

2391
02:31:36.880 --> 02:31:46.240
say it, you're not old to your 85. That's cute. It says that, you know, his eyes didn't go dim

2392
02:31:46.240 --> 02:31:51.840
and his vigor, which is a multifaceted term did not abate. Right. And I have one pastor

2393
02:31:51.840 --> 02:31:59.440
that likes to really get on that, that bigger part, bigger, bigger, you know, what bigger we're

2394
02:31:59.440 --> 02:32:10.720
talking about, you know, I was like, amen, Jesus from my eyes. That's awesome. I should like end.

2395
02:32:10.720 --> 02:32:19.840
We have to go now. Hey, you guys get some rest and sleep. Well, thank you so much. I just bless

2396
02:32:19.840 --> 02:32:25.520
you. And I'm so thankful for the peace and the joy and the revelation and the healing. And I feel

2397
02:32:25.520 --> 02:32:32.400
just a total shift, even tonight, just a sense of like, yes, this is, this is where we're supposed

2398
02:32:32.400 --> 02:32:39.520
to be at this exact moment. And the understanding that will take us, you know, through into the next,

2399
02:32:39.520 --> 02:32:46.080
because it really has felt like a, like I said, just this kind of tangled mess of like, where do I

2400
02:32:47.280 --> 02:32:52.640
begin and what is, what is really the hindrance here? You know, what's the holdup

2401
02:32:52.960 --> 02:32:59.440
and trying to identify it with my words, but, you know, not knowing which of the things is

2402
02:32:59.440 --> 02:33:03.840
the most relevant. And so it's amazing how talking to somebody who gets these things,

2403
02:33:04.800 --> 02:33:10.000
especially a couple, like it's, it's just so rare. It's just so, how do you, I mean, I've, I've said,

2404
02:33:10.000 --> 02:33:16.000
God, like, who are the people that will understand these things and understand it from your perspective,

2405
02:33:16.000 --> 02:33:21.760
your heart, not just a psychological standpoint and, you know, or even a Christian standpoint,

2406
02:33:21.760 --> 02:33:26.880
but like aligned all the way through, you know, spirit filled, you know, understanding our, our

2407
02:33:26.880 --> 02:33:32.720
rest union with him, like, you know, understanding enough, you know, the authority, understanding,

2408
02:33:32.720 --> 02:33:36.640
you know, the gifts of the spirit, but also understanding the mind and the heart and the

2409
02:33:36.640 --> 02:33:41.680
wounds and the trauma, the word trauma, which a lot of believers don't know what to do with.

2410
02:33:41.680 --> 02:33:47.520
So I'm just very thankful that clearly he sent you, you know, and just, he said, he just placed

2411
02:33:47.520 --> 02:33:52.640
this rest intensive and you guys at our life at the exact moment that's undeniable for us. So

2412
02:33:54.240 --> 02:34:01.040
thank you. Well, remember that heaven is home. This is the matrix for lack of a better term,

2413
02:34:02.400 --> 02:34:08.080
heaven's home. Right. And, you know, you're living in an embassy, you're a walking embassy,

2414
02:34:08.640 --> 02:34:14.880
right? That's the truth. Heaven's home. And that place is an extension of heaven, right? That place

2415
02:34:14.880 --> 02:34:20.560
belongs to God. He's given you to steward it, you know, just like any other ambassador that would,

2416
02:34:20.560 --> 02:34:25.600
you know, in any other nation, you know, like, yeah, it's a little sovereign territory. And that

2417
02:34:25.600 --> 02:34:30.480
place is sovereign territory, period and story. And that you're, you know, and that's, that's

2418
02:34:30.480 --> 02:34:36.320
where he's given you to stay. And then that place, you know, we can, as a, as a friend of mine uses

2419
02:34:36.320 --> 02:34:41.360
the analogy, you have all these updates available for your phone, but you don't get them until you

2420
02:34:41.360 --> 02:34:47.440
download them, right? You have to actually grab them and download it. So you have an embassy there,

2421
02:34:47.440 --> 02:34:50.880
and it's up to us as to whether or not we're going to believe it and act as though

2422
02:34:51.760 --> 02:34:57.120
that's the truth. We're going to apprehend that truth and live in that way. So you don't need to

2423
02:34:57.120 --> 02:34:59.840
be, I mean, we all have aberrant dreams.

2424
02:35:00.000 --> 02:35:03.780
and stuff, but that place really can be, uh, an oasis.

2425
02:35:03.880 --> 02:35:05.620
It can be an embassy just like that.

2426
02:35:06.660 --> 02:35:10.300
Always this thing, the oasis, like the safe haven, you know?

2427
02:35:10.700 --> 02:35:11.060
Yeah.

2428
02:35:12.060 --> 02:35:12.380
Yes.

2429
02:35:12.380 --> 02:35:16.800
I received well, love you guys all have a good night and sleep really well.

2430
02:35:18.140 --> 02:35:18.940
I think we will.

2431
02:35:19.000 --> 02:35:20.120
I know we will actually

2432
02:35:20.680 --> 02:35:22.500
we're going to be all about a bad for the diffusers.

2433
02:35:22.500 --> 02:35:23.300
And we're going to break them out.

2434
02:35:26.340 --> 02:35:29.340
Actually, we just got a new bed last night that we've been praying for for

2435
02:35:29.340 --> 02:35:33.820
months because our, we brought into the marriage, the bed that I had, um,

2436
02:35:33.980 --> 02:35:37.500
because he was sleeping on a twin and his bachelor pad, you know, six years of it.

2437
02:35:37.540 --> 02:35:38.020
Yeah.

2438
02:35:38.100 --> 02:35:41.660
So he was single for six years before us and was sleeping on a twin mattress.

2439
02:35:41.700 --> 02:35:47.180
So anyways, we just got a bed after I was sleeping on my daughter's bed and moving

2440
02:35:47.180 --> 02:35:50.900
around, trying to find a comfortable bed for months, and it's just a blessing to

2441
02:35:50.900 --> 02:35:51.460
have a bed.

2442
02:35:51.460 --> 02:35:54.180
So now we're like, we're going to anoint our bed that we just got last night.

2443
02:35:54.380 --> 02:35:55.860
And perfect timing.

2444
02:35:56.220 --> 02:35:56.780
Yes.

2445
02:35:56.900 --> 02:35:58.540
And it's going to be good.

2446
02:35:58.540 --> 02:36:02.540
And we're going to rest this weekend, even in the midst of all the things,

2447
02:36:02.580 --> 02:36:03.740
you know, the swirl around.

2448
02:36:03.860 --> 02:36:10.060
So, and I appreciate you, you know, bringing the aspect of blessing, you

2449
02:36:10.060 --> 02:36:13.500
know, blessing the, the blessing, the witchcraft or the person that's operating

2450
02:36:13.500 --> 02:36:17.540
the person, you know, that that's the weapon.

2451
02:36:18.060 --> 02:36:25.700
And that when I feel like an urge to hate or anger towards what he's done, I can

2452
02:36:25.700 --> 02:36:27.860
just release him to God and say, God, I bless him.

2453
02:36:28.420 --> 02:36:34.540
And, you know, it's, it's not me that has to hold this, you know, grudge or, you

2454
02:36:34.540 --> 02:36:38.300
know, this protective over me and the girl.

2455
02:36:38.340 --> 02:36:41.940
So it's like extra because he's like, man, look at what he's done to you for seven

2456
02:36:41.940 --> 02:36:43.500
years and beyond, you know?

2457
02:36:43.500 --> 02:36:48.500
And so, yeah, just that level of, of releasing and blessing, you know, it

2458
02:36:48.500 --> 02:36:51.220
frees us to do that.

2459
02:36:51.220 --> 02:36:56.260
And then we don't have to receive his witchcraft and we don't have to internalize.

2460
02:36:56.300 --> 02:36:56.420
Yeah.

2461
02:36:56.420 --> 02:37:01.180
And I've, and I prayed into, I prayed to God, like asking, you know, what he thinks

2462
02:37:01.180 --> 02:37:03.500
of Sam and I just got back.

2463
02:37:03.500 --> 02:37:06.140
Like he said, God said, I want him back.

2464
02:37:06.260 --> 02:37:09.860
So I know he was saved when Libby first met him.

2465
02:37:10.180 --> 02:37:13.300
Um, and he still goes to church, but he's just like a wolf in sheep's clothes.

2466
02:37:13.300 --> 02:37:15.220
He's not operating under God's kingdom.

2467
02:37:15.620 --> 02:37:17.140
He's operating under his own.

2468
02:37:17.140 --> 02:37:26.060
He is his own, um, God basically, because he does what he needs to fulfill his, you

2469
02:37:26.060 --> 02:37:28.300
know, to feed his insecurities.

2470
02:37:28.300 --> 02:37:32.180
He's controlling other people and making himself higher than other people.

2471
02:37:32.180 --> 02:37:36.900
And, and so that's what I see him operating out of God, God wants him back.

2472
02:37:37.060 --> 02:37:43.860
And so I can't, you know, hold, I can't want bad things for him when that's not

2473
02:37:43.860 --> 02:37:47.140
what God wants, you know, and that's not a redemption story.

2474
02:37:47.140 --> 02:37:49.140
That's just a tragedy, you know?

2475
02:37:49.660 --> 02:37:49.940
Yeah.

2476
02:37:49.940 --> 02:37:50.420
I don't know.

2477
02:37:51.060 --> 02:37:53.740
It's cool that you were speaking redemption so much too, because I don't know if you

2478
02:37:53.740 --> 02:37:59.260
knew, but that was the word that God spoke over my life as my life theme and my ministry

2479
02:37:59.260 --> 02:38:05.860
was redemption and it was called redemptive beauty is the collective at least has been

2480
02:38:05.860 --> 02:38:06.220
the name.

2481
02:38:06.260 --> 02:38:10.380
I don't know if God's going to change that once he tells me to start something in the

2482
02:38:10.380 --> 02:38:12.180
future, if it's going to be the same or different.

2483
02:38:12.180 --> 02:38:16.740
But he's that the theme over my life and what I will write about and what my ministry

2484
02:38:16.740 --> 02:38:17.820
will be about is redemption.

2485
02:38:17.860 --> 02:38:20.900
So yeah, great redemption stories.

2486
02:38:20.900 --> 02:38:26.820
So I have to have my redemption story to be able to, you know, flow and whatever he

2487
02:38:26.820 --> 02:38:31.300
has for me to help other people find a redemption story, you know, him.

2488
02:38:31.900 --> 02:38:34.420
So, yeah, good.

2489
02:38:34.660 --> 02:38:35.020
Hey,

2490
02:38:38.340 --> 02:38:42.260
being vulnerable and sharing, and especially with some screen fall ahead of guy, you

2491
02:38:42.260 --> 02:38:42.740
don't know.

2492
02:38:45.100 --> 02:38:45.980
You're awesome, man.

2493
02:38:45.980 --> 02:38:47.740
We're so glad to know you.

2494
02:38:48.020 --> 02:38:52.700
So thankful again that God saw fit to bring y'all right at the exact right time.

2495
02:38:52.700 --> 02:38:56.340
Yeah, it's mind blowing because you don't come across people like y'all ever.

2496
02:38:56.380 --> 02:39:02.660
I mean, you could just go a lifetime and not know somebody close up that understands and

2497
02:39:02.660 --> 02:39:03.580
walks in what you do.

2498
02:39:03.580 --> 02:39:09.580
So just know your anointing and your authority and your power is very significant.

2499
02:39:09.580 --> 02:39:13.060
And I just see God blessing your ministry and your family.

2500
02:39:13.340 --> 02:39:15.820
You guys are going to have kids like you're going to be parents.

2501
02:39:16.060 --> 02:39:17.180
You're going to be amazing parents.

2502
02:39:17.180 --> 02:39:20.740
And you're going to have just this ministry of being mothers and fathers in the spirit

2503
02:39:20.980 --> 02:39:22.140
to so many people.

2504
02:39:22.900 --> 02:39:23.900
That's yeah.

2505
02:39:24.500 --> 02:39:25.060
Thank you.

2506
02:39:25.060 --> 02:39:25.420
Thank you.

2507
02:39:26.860 --> 02:39:28.220
Yeah, thank you very much.

2508
02:39:28.580 --> 02:39:29.300
You're welcome.

2509
02:39:29.540 --> 02:39:32.140
Have a good night and we will see y'all tomorrow night.

2510
02:39:32.540 --> 02:39:33.180
Tomorrow night.

2511
02:39:33.660 --> 02:39:33.980
All right.

2512
02:39:36.020 --> 02:39:37.580
Bye bye.

2513
02:39:37.660 --> 02:39:38.940
That's the end right there.

2514
02:39:39.340 --> 02:39:39.860
Cool.