WEBVTT

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I'm totally backlit here, hi, and you also am I, so well, how are you?

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I can't, it was breaking up a bit, but it's probably just like on work, it's little stuff

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out.

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Right.

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How has everything gone?

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What was the results of the proceedings this far?

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I mean, to be honest, I just, I feel like so beyond exhausted, not only physically,

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but just mentally, emotionally, like in every way, just that I kind of just feel dumbfounded.

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Like, I don't even know how to explain to you what happened, like I can try to pull

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out certain things, but yeah, I mean, and it's not that like, I don't want to tell you,

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it's just that like ever since, whatever, two days ago, whenever that was, like, you

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know, you, you like think in a moment you want to believe the best.

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And so that's always kind of how I come to these things where it's like, things have

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gotten so, so, so bad and I want to be hopeful.

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And that's the only way I can keep going is to have hope.

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But then every single time I have hope and like, even like the judge said negative things

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toward him and, you know, sided with me.

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So like, you think that's a good thing, right?

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Like I wanted to be excited and celebrating.

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And then the very next morning, she ordered us to go to a doctor's appointment for our

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daughter that he had been leaving me out of.

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And she said, I better not hear anything.

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I don't want anyone else there.

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I don't want your husband there, your girlfriend there, no kids there, just the two of you

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go for your daughter.

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And I don't want to hear anything about it basically, like there's not going to be a

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problem.

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And he completely harassed me the whole time.

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And then abused my child in front of me, psychologically, telling her to tell the doctor these things

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that were on a list that he had written down.

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But he said, she has a list in front of the doctor.

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She has a list that she has come up with that she wants to share with you in private.

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And she wants me to be there, but she doesn't want her mom to be in the room and like did

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this whole thing.

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And he's groping her thigh while he's saying it and he's coercing her.

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And she's like stunned, and she doesn't have any freedom to speak or say the truth.

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And he's making up this whole story again.

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And I'm just getting so triggered in the moment because he had just harassed me in the room.

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And then she tells us to leave basically, and I'll talk to the child.

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And then he harasses me while she's in the room with the child following me everywhere

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I go.

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And I'm just so triggered by it.

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And I'm going like, how can he do this?

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Why did I even think for a second that he would listen to the judge?

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Why did I even have hope for a minute?

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Does that make sense?

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Like in the natural, it just is so discouraging where the judge can do something that's seemingly

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good and she's actually just giving him more opportunity to be abusive.

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And then the other big thing is that she said, she ordered this parenting app, which we thought

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would be a good solution.

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It's kind of like the only solution, but it would be a next step and it would be a solution

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where he can't kind of fly under the radar the way he has been through text and email

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and both ping ponging back and forth between them and lying here and saying one thing there

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and all this stuff.

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Well, then the judge puts in, I don't want to hear anything more about this not communicating.

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You guys have to respond to each other within eight hours of messages.

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It's turned into this nightmare where he can just harass over messages and expect me all

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hours of the day and night to respond to his harassment.

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And so it's like, this isn't helping.

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This is actually hurting.

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And it's so discouraging.

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We're already at that point of exhaustion over the whole thing.

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He took us through this whole thing.

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She can pay for it.

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So that's over, you know, $2,000 out of our pocket that we didn't have and we actually

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still owe on.

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She did not.

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She did not strike the clause from them.

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And then he just gets a slap on the wrist and then he's told, Oh, use this parenting

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app.

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But she binds me to him and is trying to force me to co-parent with him when I've tried for

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seven years, everything that you can possibly, possibly think of with attorneys, with God's

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help, with everything.

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And I cannot co-parent with him because he will only abuse everything that she says.

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use it for harm and so it's like now I'm tethered to him in a sense if I agree to this eight hour

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clause of if he texts me at nine o'clock at night I have to text him by five in the morning

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if he messages me by whatever time that I have to I have to respond like I don't know how far

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the judge is really taking it I think she's just like I don't want to hear all this stuff because

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he's his whole testimony was about how I don't communicate ever I'm not there for the kids I

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don't respond to his messages I don't respond to his texts I'm not there for emergencies I mean a

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whole made-up story so basically what it comes down to is like I'm realizing that in the natural

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it like dawned on me actually I'm like oh my goodness like the lord has said that he's the

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righteous judge that he's fighting for us that he's doing this and not to go to court so we

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didn't we didn't go to trial we didn't file for trial we didn't file for order protection you

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know none of this but he created this whole thing in the natural and it's a man-made decision based

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on a man-made process that is completely being twisted and abused and so she has to come up with

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some outcome but the whole testimony the whole thing that he did to lead up to it is all completely

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faulty so so the order that she gives is going to be also faulty right and I realized like I can't

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I can't give into that over what god has said and what over what is good for my well-being and my

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family because I've done that to the point to the breaking point yeah yeah

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I need to and bury this man in the past and to heal and grieve so how I do the right thing by

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judge all these years and it's gotten me nowhere it's got me in really bad places so I'm thinking

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I I have to disobey the judge to to choose my myself I have to really I can't respond to his

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harassing messages like she's telling me to and in his mind that's the order all the time

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how he just gets away with it so I'm thinking for me it's a big deal

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because I don't like to listen to authority I don't like to disrespect and dishonor authority

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but I'm thinking she doesn't understand the danger of the situation with him

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he continues to put me in the position where I'm the underdog and I'm being

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I have to prove my mental health and I have to try to co-parent with him and I have to do this

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even when he's the one that does so much wrong to lead to that then she still tries to bind

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together you have to co-parent and it's like but you can't co-parent with him literally can't or

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you were going to go down and I'm to the point where I'm like okay the lord has coming out of

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all this struggle for so many years has said this so so I have to I have to obey him even if it

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means I guess I played his game a little bit in the sense that I don't obey every single thing in

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the in the court order because if I do that does that make sense like if I obey everything that the

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man man is saying and the judge is saying and she does not have perspective she does not understand

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she's not on the front lines she only hears his fabricated lies in court and she tries to find a

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solution to that current problem but she never sees the big picture she never sees the ongoing

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abuse she never sees or hears the testimony of what's actually going on and so I just feel like

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cornered in by the court system in this man but on the other side I'm like okay but I have freedom

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here because the lord said these things but it means I have to for the first time in a sense

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I'm not doing like he's doing I'm doing it for a completely different reason but sort of ignore

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that part of the agreement

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I can't be harassed by literally I can't it's not that I like won't do it like I feel like

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I can't go on like it like I'm to a breaking point of I can't live like this I can't I just

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can't I have nothing left to give I have nothing left to give toward co-parenting with a man who

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only hurts and harms me and my children I have nothing left to give you know like I just can't

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I just can't like I just I just my give a damn is busted like I don't have anything left to give

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so I don't it's like almost like I don't care what she says like I can't I can't engage with

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him I can't him continue to do this because she's putting me in this position because

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she doesn't understand and he's never gonna stop and how am I supposed to

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advertise my well-being and you know I'm having to pay for what he

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I'm having to make more effort because he doesn't do the right thing but then they don't see it

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like that and then I have to continue to be the one to take the hits and you know

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No, I can't afford for my mental health to go down.

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I already have are all these things that the Lord is showing me that I healed.

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And it's like, there's trauma in him, but then there's trauma early childhood.

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And that's, that's too much.

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Like, it's, it's almost like I only heal from that.

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If I have a free, like safe space to do that, where he's not inserting

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himself into my life, constantly triggering me, you know,

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So what, um, is your, um, I mean, is your lawyer good?

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And I mean, cause she would be the one, obviously that you can explain all of

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the, you know, the harassment and the abuse and the situations and, and like

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how to handle that aspect with what the judge says, not to mention, bring all

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of that up in court on y'all's behalf.

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So is she, do you feel like you've got support through her or him?

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I don't know why it's like that.

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I mean, I don't know why it's me.

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No, it's, it's a her.

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Um, I don't know.

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It's like, they're all in bed together.

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I don't know how to.

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Yeah, no, our, our lawyers to some degree.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So to some degree she'll say, and she'll understand and she'll talk like she

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understands when I share these things, but they don't do anything to protect me.

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They don't do anything to actually change the situation and they constantly give

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him more power, more room, more like, I don't, I don't know.

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It's, it's mind boggling.

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Like, I really don't know.

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I mean, she says, you know, like she understands, but they don't, it's

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like, or they don't know what to do or it's just corrupt and, and, you know, I

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don't know, but she doesn't fight for, for instance, he drags us into court.

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He did this whole two week.

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See, my children were going through agony.

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You know, our kids are going through agony.

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We have to pay all the bills for what he dragged us into, which was

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completely wrong, completely false.

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And then we have to like, you know, pay the price by going to court and

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planning this hearing and showing up and going through all the stress of it.

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And then they're like, they say things like that's gaslighting.

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They called him out on some things.

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Finally, a couple things, you know, but that means nothing to him.

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He's like, what?

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Cause he actually said I was gaslighting him and whatever.

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But the judge said, this is quick gaslighting in these texts, but it's

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like, that's, it's the beginnings of after seven years when I have nothing

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left, like it's the beginnings of some recognition that actually

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has no consequences to him.

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It actually has no bearing on the situation because he will not listen.

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It doesn't matter to him.

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It's like in one ear and out the other, even if they do.

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So yeah, it's a little validation for me, but I already knew this stuff.

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It's not like anything I didn't know.

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It's like, oh, we finally got some validation.

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Oh, and now let me bind you to him by sending you to doctors.

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Witness alone, where he can harass you and your child, you know, where

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you're forced texts with him through an app, but you still have to do

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it now on a very rigid basis.

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Now, you know, the only thing that I can really think of is you to say, no,

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I'm not going to sign the order as it is.

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Like I can't, I literally can't interact with this man on these terms.

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Or two, which again, it feels like it feels so trapping because like my

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attorney will let attorney be the one to write the order up, like she'll be

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the attorneys will pass it and they're working together, but Ashley, which

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she's a total bulldog and she, she's, I don't want to talk, like, I don't

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want to talk bad about her, but she's been horrible and she will represent

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a man like him as if, and she will like, my attorney doesn't go to town

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for me, the things that are true.

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Like she doesn't, she's not a bulldog.

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She won't do that.

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She's more like standing on truth and whatever.

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She's not real strategic and, um, cutting, but she is, she is good.

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It's just, but his attorney is cutting and she's the bulldog.

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And so then she gets to do the order and, and fit in things he wants in the

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order when he should get nothing.

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And the judge said, this is unfounded.

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You know, you, you did this.

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I'm tired of this, like thing at the end, you know, and it's

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all very calm and whatever.

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But it's like, she was essentially saying, you know, you did this.

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I expect this, whatever, whatever.

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Yeah, it was a hand slap.

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So is, I guess that's good, but then he just goes right back into it and is

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vicious because he's mad that he got a hand slap and he's given all of the

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abilities with no parameters, no, you know, if they're going to say you have

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to text with him by eight hours after the text or whatever, then they, they

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have to put things in there that qualify.

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that, you know, they have to say this, you know, these can only

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be things about the girl's direct needs. You know, these

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can only be like, there have to be things that qualify it. And

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I'm just to the point where I don't feel like I can say yes to

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this, unless I'm going to say yes and not do it. Like, I feel

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like I have to either come up with a way where once a day, I

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can just say, Okay, got it. Got your email or whatever, like

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respond kind of like he does what he pretends he's doing the

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right thing for the courts. And then he literally doesn't do any

220
00:15:35.940 --> 00:15:40.580
of the right thing behind the scenes. And he just pretends to

221
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make it look a certain way. And he knows they'll see certain

222
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exhibits, you know, and only like, maybe 10 exhibits of

223
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examples, right of documentation. Yeah. Oh, picture,

224
00:15:56.740 --> 00:15:59.460
you know, so he just strategically manipulative. Oh,

225
00:15:59.460 --> 00:16:02.980
I share that with her. Oh, I did that. Right. But never

226
00:16:02.980 --> 00:16:07.460
actually is. So on my end, it's like, I would have to basically

227
00:16:07.460 --> 00:16:10.860
do that just like yes, and you know, once I get in the app and

228
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and give some kind of one word response or something, you know,

229
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it's the only thing I can think of with this, this new, big

230
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help that they, you know, they've tried to solve this

231
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problem. Yeah, it's just, it's wild. It is wild. Because you're

232
00:16:31.780 --> 00:16:34.300
like, man, we have done it all. We have spent money. We've got

233
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the attorneys we've got, you know, I don't want this

234
00:16:36.700 --> 00:16:46.220
anymore. I never did. But I'm not even for him. Yeah. And yet

235
00:16:46.220 --> 00:16:57.140
he's dragged into it. You know, he will bill for us. He takes

236
00:16:57.180 --> 00:17:02.460
three weeks of our time. We have to pay for it. Yeah, it's

237
00:17:02.460 --> 00:17:05.420
considered physically adopted, and he gets he's more out of it

238
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in the end. Yeah. So I don't know.

239
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Are you there? There you are.

240
00:17:22.700 --> 00:17:26.859
Yeah, I dropped us. Sorry. I don't know if it's my my

241
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internet.

242
00:17:29.380 --> 00:17:33.860
Yeah, I think so. You've been freezing. And then usually,

243
00:17:33.860 --> 00:17:36.820
though, I can hear all of the audio, but every now and then it

244
00:17:36.820 --> 00:17:42.300
breaks up as well. So if you if you want, you can turn off the

245
00:17:42.300 --> 00:17:47.220
video. And if you need me to turn it off, I can, you know,

246
00:17:47.220 --> 00:17:51.860
and then we can have audio. And then it's not and then we're not

247
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getting a bandwidth with video.

248
00:17:56.300 --> 00:17:59.060
I see. I'm hearing you a little better when I stopped the video.

249
00:17:59.460 --> 00:18:02.980
Because you're breaking up and now it's not so much. Okay. Okay.

250
00:18:03.740 --> 00:18:04.300
And try that.

251
00:18:07.620 --> 00:18:10.660
So I don't know if that makes sense. It feels it feels like

252
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more than process, you know, and think about at this point, of

253
00:18:14.380 --> 00:18:17.620
the high stress of all of it and all the trigger.

254
00:18:24.460 --> 00:18:28.940
And then in the end to feel like you're actually getting punished

255
00:18:28.940 --> 00:18:32.220
instead of helped, because they just won't punish him. They

256
00:18:32.220 --> 00:18:33.700
won't. I don't know.

257
00:18:35.260 --> 00:18:41.260
Yeah. So what aspect of all of this would you like to or you

258
00:18:41.260 --> 00:18:45.060
know, just what just you and what you're going through and

259
00:18:45.060 --> 00:18:48.940
all of that would you like to focus on today? Like what's

260
00:18:54.180 --> 00:19:00.980
Oh, um, I'm going to turn off my video too, because I think that

261
00:19:00.980 --> 00:19:05.940
even it's messing now with the audio. So, okay. Maybe that'll

262
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help the audio stay clear.

263
00:19:07.980 --> 00:19:20.380
Right? Maybe? Yeah, that sounds good. Um, you know, I guess

264
00:19:20.380 --> 00:19:28.860
part of it is, is how to come down off of this, but it's not

265
00:19:28.860 --> 00:19:33.660
it's not just that it's like, like, I feel like I need an

266
00:19:33.660 --> 00:19:42.180
ongoing plan to get out of this situation, the ways that I'm

267
00:19:42.180 --> 00:19:46.500
able to, with the Lord and you know, the people, you know,

268
00:19:46.500 --> 00:19:51.780
close people around me, like, I can't change the judge and I

269
00:19:51.780 --> 00:19:56.380
can't change the court system. And I can't change Sam. Right?

270
00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:59.140
Yeah. But it's like,

271
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.080
I feel a desperation where I'm like, okay, I'm not sure how.

272
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To feel these feelings.

273
00:20:05.600 --> 00:20:08.800
Like I feel so much anger rising up of the injustice.

274
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:13.400
And I feel so much anger the past couple of days at him of just listening to him.

275
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I mean, he's a pathological liar, but listening to him lie about me and not

276
00:20:18.520 --> 00:20:22.520
only that, but it's like, they're constantly attacking my mental health,

277
00:20:23.320 --> 00:20:28.860
but he's so much of the reason for, I mean, this all started with what he did

278
00:20:28.860 --> 00:20:33.020
in the beginning and it has triggered these certain Februaries from what he

279
00:20:33.020 --> 00:20:33.780
did in the beginning.

280
00:20:33.780 --> 00:20:37.300
And yet it's like, I have to try to get control of something that's

281
00:20:37.300 --> 00:20:39.180
completely out of control on my end.

282
00:20:39.340 --> 00:20:47.300
Like, what can I do to completely cut myself off from him?

283
00:20:47.340 --> 00:20:47.760
Heal.

284
00:20:47.760 --> 00:20:50.460
I mean, the Lord said, and I shared that word with you guys.

285
00:20:50.540 --> 00:20:55.100
Um, not that you remember, cause I can't even always remember what he said in

286
00:20:55.100 --> 00:20:58.380
the word, but it was, you know, the beginning of this rest season, he said

287
00:20:58.380 --> 00:20:59.980
that you need to bury Sam in the past.

288
00:20:59.980 --> 00:21:01.460
You need to fully grieve this.

289
00:21:01.500 --> 00:21:03.060
It's like a wound that's festering.

290
00:21:03.060 --> 00:21:03.420
Right.

291
00:21:03.780 --> 00:21:07.260
Um, and he said these different things and he said, I'm fighting for you and the

292
00:21:07.260 --> 00:21:10.820
girls, um, you know, I'm fighting for you.

293
00:21:10.820 --> 00:21:13.580
Like, I need you to basically stand still and let me fight for

294
00:21:13.580 --> 00:21:14.500
you and all of these things.

295
00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:15.980
So it's like applying that.

296
00:21:16.540 --> 00:21:21.580
And all that we know about the Lord to the situation, what can my days look like

297
00:21:21.580 --> 00:21:26.740
when essentially I, like, I feel like I need a plan with the team.

298
00:21:26.860 --> 00:21:31.340
Like, I feel like I need like an actual, this is how we're going

299
00:21:31.340 --> 00:21:33.260
to like go through this process.

300
00:21:33.260 --> 00:21:37.780
Like this would be a way to go through a process of getting away from the old,

301
00:21:38.140 --> 00:21:42.580
getting away from the trauma, getting away from the old way, right.

302
00:21:42.580 --> 00:21:44.820
Of thinking and being in doing.

303
00:21:44.820 --> 00:21:46.020
And I know that sounds enormous.

304
00:21:46.060 --> 00:21:47.060
I get that.

305
00:21:47.700 --> 00:21:48.580
I trust me.

306
00:21:48.580 --> 00:21:52.620
I'm aware that that sounds like a huge ask, but that I'm just being honest

307
00:21:52.620 --> 00:21:56.020
about like, that's where I'm at, where it's like, I feel like everything

308
00:21:56.020 --> 00:22:00.220
has to shift and I feel like in order to do that, that, that can't be one

309
00:22:00.220 --> 00:22:05.500
conversation, like I need a plan to know that I have ways and supports

310
00:22:05.500 --> 00:22:09.380
day by day by day, you know, and a few close people that understand this

311
00:22:09.380 --> 00:22:15.660
level of trauma, as well as like the understanding of the Lord and the

312
00:22:15.660 --> 00:22:19.580
healing and the union and everything that you have, which not very

313
00:22:19.580 --> 00:22:20.940
many people honestly have.

314
00:22:21.540 --> 00:22:25.620
Um, so I'm trying to piece together this new understanding of him and

315
00:22:25.620 --> 00:22:29.500
this good news of how safe he is and how trustworthy with all of those

316
00:22:29.500 --> 00:22:32.780
deep pain and trauma that I've been stuffing down.

317
00:22:32.780 --> 00:22:36.100
And like I said, I don't know how to often process it.

318
00:22:36.100 --> 00:22:38.980
So it's like a journey, a process I'm gonna have to go through a

319
00:22:38.980 --> 00:22:43.540
grieving, like you told me to feeling the feelings in my soul that have

320
00:22:43.540 --> 00:22:46.700
been stuffed down for so long that it feels like they're coming out as

321
00:22:46.700 --> 00:22:51.420
vomit, like it's just to a point where I can't stuff them down anymore.

322
00:22:51.820 --> 00:22:57.420
So it does feel when these crises are happening and all that, that

323
00:22:57.420 --> 00:22:58.580
I just described is going on.

324
00:22:58.580 --> 00:23:00.660
It feels like more than I can bear.

325
00:23:00.740 --> 00:23:02.060
Like, I don't know where to start.

326
00:23:02.140 --> 00:23:04.540
I like, that's why I come back to that phrase.

327
00:23:04.540 --> 00:23:10.300
I need a plan where I'm like, I know that there's a way through this and

328
00:23:10.300 --> 00:23:13.540
we're not just going to keep revisiting and coming back to the same old

329
00:23:13.540 --> 00:23:15.660
conversation or the same old, you know what I mean?

330
00:23:15.660 --> 00:23:17.500
Where I can see moving forward.

331
00:23:17.900 --> 00:23:21.900
I can see myself moving forward into this newness and the shift into

332
00:23:21.900 --> 00:23:25.660
rest and into, you know, super close union with the Lord.

333
00:23:25.660 --> 00:23:31.100
And here I am even completely, I, you know, I'm not working my job.

334
00:23:31.100 --> 00:23:32.460
I'm not doing my business.

335
00:23:32.460 --> 00:23:33.260
I'm not doing ministry.

336
00:23:33.260 --> 00:23:34.300
I'm not on social media.

337
00:23:34.300 --> 00:23:40.420
I'm not, I I've, I've slowed everything down that I can to say yes to God

338
00:23:40.420 --> 00:23:44.060
and what he's calling me into, but it's almost like the comfort of knowing

339
00:23:44.060 --> 00:23:47.540
that even when these crisises are happening or this man is constantly

340
00:23:47.540 --> 00:23:52.020
trying to harass me and trigger me through the demons that he's, whatever

341
00:23:52.020 --> 00:23:57.820
he's dealing with, that what can I do day by day and how can I know that I

342
00:23:57.820 --> 00:24:02.980
have a couple of supports, I guess, in that, that understand, like I said,

343
00:24:02.980 --> 00:24:08.260
on the theological level of who God is and you know, who we are and all of

344
00:24:08.260 --> 00:24:12.500
that, it's not religious, which is a trigger for me because that's my past.

345
00:24:12.700 --> 00:24:17.860
And also on the inner healing side of what can I do to regain my power

346
00:24:17.860 --> 00:24:20.940
and get it back from my abusers?

347
00:24:20.980 --> 00:24:21.740
Does that make sense?

348
00:24:22.740 --> 00:24:24.900
Um, uh, yes.

349
00:24:24.980 --> 00:24:30.820
Um, so one of the things, um, that you can do as far as like for inner healing,

350
00:24:30.820 --> 00:24:35.900
I don't remember if you were on that call or not, but there is a, um, there

351
00:24:35.900 --> 00:24:40.900
is a place that I recommend that Ed and I recommend down in Florida that does

352
00:24:40.940 --> 00:24:42.540
like zoom calls and stuff like that.

353
00:24:42.540 --> 00:24:47.620
And then I've done inner healing with, uh, that might be a bit of a help in

354
00:24:47.620 --> 00:24:52.500
the support where they just kind of like very gently lead you to Jesus and allow

355
00:24:52.500 --> 00:24:55.340
him to help, to, to love on you and stuff like that.

356
00:24:55.340 --> 00:25:00.060
And then they allow themselves to be used as tools by the Lord.

357
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.400
to love on you as well.

358
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.800
There's just not a whole lot of interaction

359
00:25:04.800 --> 00:25:06.400
between you and the other people.

360
00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:08.580
I mean, there is, cause they're right there,

361
00:25:08.580 --> 00:25:12.160
but they focus not on like themselves as count.

362
00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:13.760
They don't counsel, they don't advise,

363
00:25:13.760 --> 00:25:15.480
they don't do anything like that.

364
00:25:15.480 --> 00:25:18.480
They just lovingly support you while, you know,

365
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:22.720
they're presenting while you go to the Lord

366
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:24.760
and while you're with them, et cetera.

367
00:25:24.760 --> 00:25:27.720
So that might be a bit of like support and healing

368
00:25:27.720 --> 00:25:31.200
where you're having people with you

369
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:33.360
and you set up the, they set up these,

370
00:25:33.360 --> 00:25:37.600
you put in this application and then they set up

371
00:25:37.600 --> 00:25:39.640
prayer appointments for you, et cetera.

372
00:25:39.640 --> 00:25:43.240
And that would be a bit of support and help.

373
00:25:43.240 --> 00:25:45.600
And then, and then it was people that take you

374
00:25:45.600 --> 00:25:49.520
before the Lord so that his, so that he begins,

375
00:25:49.520 --> 00:25:53.880
you and he begin like healing and restoring certain things,

376
00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:56.120
you know, from your past, et cetera.

377
00:25:56.120 --> 00:25:58.200
And you just feel, you know, just,

378
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:00.720
they kind of help you get,

379
00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:03.920
be in a place with the Lord where you can be touched

380
00:26:03.920 --> 00:26:06.720
and blessed and loved on, et cetera.

381
00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:09.600
So that might be able to provide a bit of support,

382
00:26:09.600 --> 00:26:11.840
kind of like going to, for one thing, I mean,

383
00:26:11.840 --> 00:26:15.160
obviously healing from the Lord just ultimately transforms,

384
00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:18.240
but also it's kind of like being in a,

385
00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:21.220
being in a, in a pool, like in water or whatever,

386
00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:23.400
you just feel a bit of reprieve

387
00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:27.040
from having so much gravity pulled on you, you know,

388
00:26:27.040 --> 00:26:29.520
and you just kind of feel a little buoyant again.

389
00:26:29.520 --> 00:26:32.880
So, so, and I'm not saying that,

390
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:35.800
the healing is, is very powerful.

391
00:26:35.800 --> 00:26:39.280
So I'm not trying to say, oh, it's just a bit of relief,

392
00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:41.000
is that it's temporary.

393
00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:44.580
I'm just saying that that is something that you can,

394
00:26:44.580 --> 00:26:45.420
that you can do.

395
00:26:45.420 --> 00:26:47.460
It's not like these people are with you all the time.

396
00:26:47.460 --> 00:26:49.400
It's not like they're counselors, not advisors.

397
00:26:49.400 --> 00:26:50.960
You don't get to know them.

398
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:54.360
They, they, everything is very like, so to speak,

399
00:26:54.360 --> 00:26:56.960
just, I don't want to say disconnected,

400
00:26:56.960 --> 00:26:59.560
that they're very, they, you've,

401
00:27:00.440 --> 00:27:04.340
they just, I don't know how to, how to, how to put it,

402
00:27:04.340 --> 00:27:07.480
but anyway, it's not like your own personal support team,

403
00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:10.240
but spiritually they support you.

404
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.640
Right, well, that could be one support.

405
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:14.840
It sounds like it could be one,

406
00:27:14.840 --> 00:27:19.840
one major support in a time where it feels like I,

407
00:27:21.600 --> 00:27:24.680
it feels like I require like these supports

408
00:27:24.680 --> 00:27:26.080
kind of in different roles,

409
00:27:26.080 --> 00:27:30.120
because it doesn't mean like I need 10 and 20 of them,

410
00:27:30.120 --> 00:27:32.600
you know, and, and that I'm trying to be excessive,

411
00:27:32.600 --> 00:27:35.800
but like, like I said, that plan of,

412
00:27:35.800 --> 00:27:37.400
okay, who are my trusted people?

413
00:27:37.400 --> 00:27:39.560
Because this feels like a maximum level

414
00:27:39.560 --> 00:27:44.280
of everything surfacing and kind of coming to a head

415
00:27:44.280 --> 00:27:46.520
and me coming to the end of myself, you know,

416
00:27:46.520 --> 00:27:48.240
even in my, my physical health

417
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:49.960
and the way it's been manifesting.

418
00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:52.800
All the pain and stress and trauma.

419
00:27:52.800 --> 00:27:56.360
And it's like, yeah, to see like, okay, this,

420
00:27:56.360 --> 00:27:58.360
this person's on my team kind of in this role

421
00:27:58.360 --> 00:28:00.520
and this person's on my team in this role.

422
00:28:01.520 --> 00:28:03.720
And I've got a spiritual mama, you know, here locally,

423
00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:06.360
and I've got, you know, for me to start to like, but,

424
00:28:06.360 --> 00:28:07.960
but it's not just to have that.

425
00:28:07.960 --> 00:28:10.520
There is the comfort piece of like, okay,

426
00:28:10.520 --> 00:28:12.760
I have that and I've designated,

427
00:28:12.760 --> 00:28:15.080
and I know and feel, feel a peace

428
00:28:15.080 --> 00:28:18.560
about who those people are as in they're safe.

429
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:22.800
You know, they're not gonna harm me or tell me,

430
00:28:22.800 --> 00:28:24.760
you know, wrong things or, you know,

431
00:28:24.760 --> 00:28:26.280
things like that that are basic,

432
00:28:26.280 --> 00:28:28.880
but because I've been in relationships

433
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:30.560
and been betrayed so deep,

434
00:28:30.560 --> 00:28:33.480
it's important to have that level of like knowing

435
00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:34.440
who my people are.

436
00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:37.120
And also just because I've come to a place where

437
00:28:39.160 --> 00:28:41.360
I know this is like major shift, you know,

438
00:28:41.360 --> 00:28:44.240
like I know it's, it's, it sounds kind of dramatic,

439
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:45.880
but it's like, it really is dramatic.

440
00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:49.080
Like I've come to a place where everything

441
00:28:49.080 --> 00:28:52.880
that I was surviving and was working on some level before,

442
00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:56.040
like the Lord, it's like the grace ran out on all of that.

443
00:28:56.040 --> 00:28:59.160
And I, and I no longer could keep going.

444
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:00.640
And he said, rest.

445
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:03.480
And he said, come into the season, you know,

446
00:29:03.480 --> 00:29:06.240
and stop everything you're doing to have the season.

447
00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:08.400
So I guess it's, it's like, that's comforting.

448
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:11.680
There's also then the piece of what it actually looks like

449
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:13.640
day by day to live a new way.

450
00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:14.480
Does that make sense?

451
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:16.160
When you're at a heightened place of,

452
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:17.800
there's a lot of pain and trauma,

453
00:29:17.800 --> 00:29:20.160
and you know that it's, the Lord's been clear,

454
00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:22.360
it's gotta be, it's time, right?

455
00:29:22.360 --> 00:29:24.040
It's time that we deal with this.

456
00:29:24.040 --> 00:29:26.720
It's time, you know, we can't keep going on.

457
00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:30.800
So there's a, in a sense, there's a sense of now,

458
00:29:30.800 --> 00:29:32.440
you know, an urgency on it,

459
00:29:32.440 --> 00:29:34.800
but also then going, okay,

460
00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:38.560
how do I live that new way today?

461
00:29:38.560 --> 00:29:41.760
Like, how do I live that new way, you know, today,

462
00:29:41.760 --> 00:29:43.200
tomorrow, the next day?

463
00:29:43.720 --> 00:29:45.880
What does it actually look like, you know,

464
00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:48.080
between these hours?

465
00:29:48.080 --> 00:29:50.560
Like, I know that sounds maybe so childish

466
00:29:50.560 --> 00:29:52.400
of like, how does the day look?

467
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:54.200
But when I don't have my job anymore,

468
00:29:54.200 --> 00:29:56.000
I don't have ministry, I don't have online,

469
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:59.080
I don't have, when everything fades away

470
00:29:59.080 --> 00:30:00.120
and I obey the Lord.

471
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.360
in that, it's like, so then what do I do with my day? And how do I effectively

472
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:14.320
surrender that day to him and use it in a way that allows for the things he's called me to,

473
00:30:14.320 --> 00:30:21.040
and that I sense that I'm supposed to shift in? Yeah, yeah, because you don't have,

474
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:30.720
um, you don't, you don't have, well, how do I put this? You know, the Lord's called you into

475
00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:40.640
the season of rest. And then what's coming up is everything that would try to combat that rest,

476
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:47.760
everything that would tempt you to shift into unrest, everything that challenges,

477
00:30:47.760 --> 00:30:53.760
that's what I'm trying to say, everything that challenges that rest. And remember that,

478
00:30:53.760 --> 00:31:01.520
that rest is, is how we go through what's not how it's like the place that we exist, but in

479
00:31:01.520 --> 00:31:08.480
having a season of rest through something like this, it's how you go through it, not the avoiding

480
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:14.000
of it. Right. Um, which is a challenge. I understand. Um, cause I am not living your

481
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:20.960
situation and oh my word, I can not even imagine. Um, so I'm just, I'm just talking,

482
00:31:20.960 --> 00:31:26.080
you know, in principles about like how God I've had my own situations and whatever,

483
00:31:26.080 --> 00:31:33.360
and this is how I went through them. And, um, uh, my, I had, you know, I had was, went through a

484
00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:38.960
lawsuit and it was horrible and it was bad. And our lawyer wasn't even on our side or anything.

485
00:31:39.040 --> 00:31:44.480
And we were accused of things we didn't do, et cetera, but it wasn't with, it wasn't with

486
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:50.080
children and with an ex-husband and stuff like that. So I'm not comparing experiences. So I just

487
00:31:50.080 --> 00:31:56.160
want you to hear that. I'm telling you based off of principles, what it is that the Lord invites us

488
00:31:56.160 --> 00:32:02.800
to do. Yeah. Be aware that it would be very challenging to, that it's very hard to apply

489
00:32:02.800 --> 00:32:10.320
these things in very highly emotional situations. But, and I don't know by experience what that

490
00:32:10.320 --> 00:32:17.040
would be like to do it through your situation, but Jesus does. And, and so when he went through

491
00:32:17.040 --> 00:32:22.480
stuff, like say for instance, he went through that, that a physical storm on the sea of Galilee,

492
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:27.120
where it was so bad that, you know, seasoned fishermen thought they were going to die.

493
00:32:27.120 --> 00:32:32.160
And they're used to dealing with storms and boats and they know how to take care of themselves.

494
00:32:32.240 --> 00:32:38.640
And they were like, oh no, seriously, we're going to die. And, and Jesus, you know, just, and he just

495
00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:44.880
slept. So it's about how we're going through the situation, not in the fact that the situation

496
00:32:45.520 --> 00:32:51.760
is different, needs to change or to be different than what it is. So I believe, so I don't fully

497
00:32:51.760 --> 00:32:59.280
understand everything of like where it is that God has you, what it is that, you know, he's telling

498
00:32:59.280 --> 00:33:03.840
you to do, how it is that he's telling you to handle the situations. But one of the things that

499
00:33:03.840 --> 00:33:08.080
kept coming to mind as you were talking about, well, God's told me this, and God's told me not

500
00:33:08.080 --> 00:33:20.320
to do this, is where Jesus says, or Jesus, I believe it was Joshua, who is a predecessor symbol

501
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:30.560
or whatever of Jesus said, you know, just, just stand still and you'll see the victory,

502
00:33:30.560 --> 00:33:34.720
you know, the Lord, I don't remember the word he used, but yeah, you'll see the victory of the

503
00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:40.080
Lord. You'll see the Lord fight for you. And, and then, and then God later on, I don't remember

504
00:33:40.080 --> 00:33:47.280
which book it was mentions that I believe again, saying, you know, to, you don't need to fight.

505
00:33:47.280 --> 00:33:53.680
You need only to stand still. Yeah. Yeah. And, and then just let the Lord fight for you. So

506
00:33:53.680 --> 00:34:00.240
that is, those were, those were the both passages that he had given me or one in the night was the,

507
00:34:01.600 --> 00:34:08.719
so right before, you know, this was kind of the very end. I'm hoping it's the end, honestly,

508
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:14.639
of these six weeks of just constant onslaught and right. The week that it all started right

509
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:19.520
before like the hurricane and then the sickness and all these things and the new job, like I heard

510
00:34:19.520 --> 00:34:23.760
God say in the night stand, therefore he was talking about standing, you know, from Ephesians

511
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:28.480
six and the armor of God saying, you know, and when you've done all you can to stand, stand

512
00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:33.520
therefore. And then he said another time in the night that stand still and see the salvation of

513
00:34:33.520 --> 00:34:39.920
the Lord, which was Exodus 14 from the Egyptians are based on the story of the Egyptians. And so,

514
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:44.480
yeah, yeah. It's, it's been like this theme for sure. What you're, what you're saying is,

515
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:51.199
is exactly what he's been saying. Okay. Well, good. Well, so anyway, that is what rest is,

516
00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:57.280
where this, the storm is raging all around us, where everything's looks bad,

517
00:34:57.280 --> 00:34:59.840
where the Egyptians are coming towards you, you know,

518
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.840
Oh, um, you're having to run your, you know, you're having all of this stuff.

519
00:35:05.160 --> 00:35:11.240
And then God says, no, I will take over responsibility for the battle.

520
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:16.460
Um, now there might be specific things that he tells you to do, um, you know,

521
00:35:16.460 --> 00:35:23.400
in order to go with, with, um, you know, what the judge requires and all of that,

522
00:35:23.400 --> 00:35:26.720
you know, however, all of that plays out, whatever it is that she's saying to do,

523
00:35:26.720 --> 00:35:29.800
you know, you're aware of all of that more than I am.

524
00:35:30.120 --> 00:35:33.320
So, but whatever it is, he's going to have specific things, you know, to do,

525
00:35:33.320 --> 00:35:35.360
but remember rest is not inactivity.

526
00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:40.480
Um, rest is simply the fact that there's nothing left for you to have

527
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:44.080
to try to do to create an outcome.

528
00:35:44.080 --> 00:35:46.800
You're no longer responsible for the outcome.

529
00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.360
You're no longer responsible for figuring it out for determining it.

530
00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:54.440
You're not responsible to God for what ends up happening.

531
00:35:54.920 --> 00:35:58.960
Um, and, and, but you just follow his lead.

532
00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:00.320
So what does he say to do?

533
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:04.560
Um, and then you, and then you default to him, not to self

534
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:06.520
protection and self preservation.

535
00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:11.800
But in him, you know, when you're defaulting to him, he'll have you do things.

536
00:36:12.240 --> 00:36:17.840
He just says, do them because I've told you to, because you're in me relying on

537
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:21.160
me, not, Oh, God's abandoned me.

538
00:36:21.160 --> 00:36:21.920
I'm alone.

539
00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:23.360
And I better do these things.

540
00:36:23.720 --> 00:36:26.840
Now, if that's all that your soul can handle, you know, you just tell the Lord,

541
00:36:26.840 --> 00:36:29.760
you know, Lord, I declare that you are as good as you say that you are, that

542
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:32.360
you are the good, you're the love, you're a protector, your provider.

543
00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:36.240
You say that you are, but then I'm going to go where my soul finds peace.

544
00:36:36.240 --> 00:36:39.280
Remember that's number five on the, on the rest shifting tools on

545
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:40.480
this practical shifting tools.

546
00:36:41.000 --> 00:36:46.600
Um, that if you can't choose what God says is true and then act on it, at

547
00:36:46.600 --> 00:36:51.480
least declare, do choose to what degree that you can have faith to the degree

548
00:36:51.480 --> 00:36:56.160
that you can, you know, choose and that God is who he says that he is to the

549
00:36:56.160 --> 00:37:00.160
degree that you can, and then act on that, make that your reality and step

550
00:37:00.160 --> 00:37:02.200
into that to the degree that you can.

551
00:37:02.640 --> 00:37:06.360
And then the rest of it that you just can't do because you're just not there

552
00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:12.320
yet, just declare that God, I am choosing that into the best of my ability.

553
00:37:12.320 --> 00:37:15.400
I'm declaring that you are who you say that you are in all of these areas.

554
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:20.840
But then I can't quite act on them to the full degree yet.

555
00:37:21.120 --> 00:37:23.120
So I'm going to go where my soul finds peace.

556
00:37:23.120 --> 00:37:27.440
I feel like I need to do this with, with, um, uh, with, uh, you

557
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:29.840
know, the court and proceedings.

558
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:30.800
And I need to do this.

559
00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:35.000
I need to handle it this way, because this is what, this is what I need.

560
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:40.200
And I'm asking that you, that you help me and you protect me and preserve me in it.

561
00:37:40.480 --> 00:37:44.680
So you operate according to the faith, to the degree of the faith that you have.

562
00:37:45.160 --> 00:37:48.680
And then the rest of it, you, you know, you're on a journey.

563
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:51.880
God doesn't have us be born as an adult.

564
00:37:51.880 --> 00:37:54.640
We're born as a child and then we develop along the way.

565
00:37:55.000 --> 00:37:58.000
And there's nothing wrong with us being wherever it is that we are.

566
00:37:58.320 --> 00:38:04.200
So we just need to stand in whatever degree of maturity that we have matured

567
00:38:04.200 --> 00:38:10.040
this far and then allow ourselves to be stretched into the next, but we also

568
00:38:10.040 --> 00:38:14.760
don't have to carry on the responsibility yet of being six years old.

569
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:19.880
If we're only five or being 16 years old, if we're only 15, you know, et cetera.

570
00:38:20.520 --> 00:38:25.880
Um, so anyway, just, uh, an encouragement, um, for that, but yeah, again, rest is

571
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:30.000
all about, okay, while everything's going on, God, I'm going to give it to you.

572
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.560
I'm not going to be trying to, um, take on emotionally, take on the

573
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:39.560
responsibility and the, the mental and emotional weight of trying to figure

574
00:38:39.560 --> 00:38:43.040
this out or a fixing it or of.

575
00:38:43.600 --> 00:38:45.800
Of, um, of fighting it.

576
00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:49.280
And that's where I get curious of like how, like, I'm curious.

577
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:53.000
I've been wondering this for weeks, like how, how we're to pray, like

578
00:38:53.240 --> 00:38:57.920
in this new understanding and rest, like how is it declaring like you

579
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:02.200
are this God and I am this, is it like coming into that agreement and

580
00:39:02.200 --> 00:39:06.040
alignment because I find myself lately, especially when things are so.

581
00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:07.680
Intense.

582
00:39:07.720 --> 00:39:11.320
And I feel like I'm barely hanging on, barely sleeping, you know, just

583
00:39:11.480 --> 00:39:14.640
calling on him all the way through, but sometimes begging, you know, where

584
00:39:14.640 --> 00:39:18.880
I'm like, please, Lord, like, please avenge me, you know, please make this

585
00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:22.120
right, or when this, this thing, we go through all those three weeks and all

586
00:39:22.120 --> 00:39:25.760
the money and all the heartache, and then there's more harassment, like,

587
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:31.680
please God make it stop, you know, like, is that wrong to, to cry out to

588
00:39:31.680 --> 00:39:33.640
him in that way and to like beg him?

589
00:39:33.680 --> 00:39:37.720
Is it, is there a better way to pray in faith through these things and

590
00:39:37.720 --> 00:39:42.520
these needs that we have, or even in shifting from old ways of thinking

591
00:39:42.520 --> 00:39:45.520
and, and being, you know, into new ways.

592
00:39:46.520 --> 00:39:50.680
Um, like, I guess that shift is a process.

593
00:39:50.680 --> 00:39:53.480
I get that, but I'm just wondering, yeah.

594
00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:56.600
How does he want us to then pray?

595
00:39:57.480 --> 00:40:00.040
Well, it's important to be honest with the Lord.

596
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.480
word about what it is that we're feeling, but what we don't want to do is accuse God.

597
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:10.760
That's what I've been scared of. I'm like, I don't want to accuse you anymore, God, you

598
00:40:10.760 --> 00:40:15.960
know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, again, you just do the best that you can, meaning like where

599
00:40:15.960 --> 00:40:20.160
it is that you currently are and just allow that to be in God's God's big, he can handle

600
00:40:20.160 --> 00:40:25.400
us growing up, you know, and not being there yet. But just generally speaking, something

601
00:40:25.400 --> 00:40:30.640
to keep in mind as your, as how to approach God is always from this perspective, that

602
00:40:30.640 --> 00:40:36.040
even though we don't understand how something he's saying is true, we still choose that

603
00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:42.680
it's true. We choose it. And if we can't choose it, in other words, make it our reality and

604
00:40:42.680 --> 00:40:47.680
then add to the point where we act on it. If we can't choose it over our circumstances,

605
00:40:47.680 --> 00:40:52.680
if we can't choose it over the important, if we can't make it more important to us than

606
00:40:52.680 --> 00:40:59.080
avoiding pain, then we just do the rest of the degree. Like in other words, we, we choose

607
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:04.080
it to the degree we can, and then to the rest of it, we're coming into agreement with him

608
00:41:04.080 --> 00:41:09.600
to the ability, according to the ability that we can, which is okay. God, you, you say that

609
00:41:09.600 --> 00:41:17.080
you're this, I don't see how that's possible, but, and I can't act on it yet because I just

610
00:41:17.080 --> 00:41:22.080
am not there yet. It's too far of a stretch for me. It's too far of a jump. I'm just,

611
00:41:22.080 --> 00:41:28.320
I can't grow from five to 10 years old overnight. You know, I'm just not there, but Lord, I

612
00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:37.520
can do from five to six. So Lord, I I'm, I'm coming, I'm telling you and declaring to myself

613
00:41:37.520 --> 00:41:42.120
and to you that you are what you say that you are, that you've already given me all

614
00:41:42.120 --> 00:41:49.560
of these things. So Lord, I'm coming to you in agreement before I present my questions

615
00:41:49.560 --> 00:41:54.960
or before I present my struggles or before I, you know, whatever, I don't accuse you

616
00:41:54.960 --> 00:42:01.960
Lord of not being who you are of, of, I don't accuse you of abandoning me. I don't, I don't,

617
00:42:01.960 --> 00:42:08.280
you know, accuse you of, of, um, leaving me alone and not fighting for me and not providing

618
00:42:08.280 --> 00:42:13.720
for me, not protecting me, not being good, not loving me, loving Sam more than me, you

619
00:42:13.720 --> 00:42:20.120
know, or, or whatever. Um, you know, I don't do that Lord. I declare that you are as good

620
00:42:20.120 --> 00:42:27.400
as you say that you are. Um, but Lord, I don't know how to walk in that. I don't know how

621
00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:34.560
to live with you being like that because I don't see it, Lord. I can't connect what you're

622
00:42:34.560 --> 00:42:42.160
saying with the reality that I'm being presented with here on earth. So I'm asking you, Lord,

623
00:42:42.160 --> 00:42:46.600
would you teach me? Would you father me? Would you show me? Cause I'm presenting myself

624
00:42:46.600 --> 00:42:54.400
to you open and willing for, to, to learn and to change and to mature and all of that.

625
00:42:54.400 --> 00:42:59.480
And while, and while you're teaching me Lord, this is what I'm going to be doing. But no

626
00:42:59.480 --> 00:43:06.920
Lord that I am not doing these things, declaring that you're a liar, declaring that you have

627
00:43:06.920 --> 00:43:14.960
abandoned me, that I am telling you as best, and I'm choosing as best as I can, that you

628
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:21.200
are what you've said, that you've told me the truth, that that is the reality that that

629
00:43:21.200 --> 00:43:27.760
is reality. And then, um, and then I'm just, and then over time, Lord, I'm just asking

630
00:43:27.760 --> 00:43:32.840
that you just bothered me into what does that look like to Lord to live, live that reality?

631
00:43:32.840 --> 00:43:39.480
Because I've been taught very, very well how to live and respond to what's coming against

632
00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:43.960
me from the world. I've learned from the world, how to respond to what's coming against me,

633
00:43:43.960 --> 00:43:51.400
but I have not learned from you, Lord, how to respond as a son of God, when these worldly

634
00:43:51.400 --> 00:43:57.640
things come against me. So while I'm learning that, and I'm asking you to do that, Lord,

635
00:43:57.800 --> 00:44:06.840
I'm not, um, I'm, I'm agreeing with you that you are who you say that you are, but I'm aware of

636
00:44:06.840 --> 00:44:12.920
and acknowledging to you that I don't know how to live in that. I don't know how to step into that.

637
00:44:12.920 --> 00:44:18.200
I don't know how to make it my reality, but I am, I am declaring that it's true,

638
00:44:18.920 --> 00:44:24.280
as opposed to the past where you've, you've made these other choices, like, okay, well,

639
00:44:24.280 --> 00:44:28.840
I'm going to do all of these things that the world tells me to do. And I'm going to do them

640
00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:34.120
because God's not who he says that he is. He said that he's that thing, but he hasn't, he's not like

641
00:44:34.120 --> 00:44:40.120
that with me. And therefore he must, he's abandoned me or he doesn't love me, or he's not protecting

642
00:44:40.120 --> 00:44:44.840
me right now or whatever. We're coming into some kind of an agreement with the fact that he's not

643
00:44:44.840 --> 00:44:50.760
who he says that he is. And that's why we're choosing the other. So instead, what we can do

644
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:58.920
is we can start progressing our way closer to faith by, by saying, Lord, I'm going to do these

645
00:44:58.920 --> 00:45:02.680
things that you tell me to do. I'm going to do these things that you tell me to do.

646
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.380
felt that, that my soul gets comfort in. And that feels like

647
00:45:04.380 --> 00:45:09.240
I'm like, like these means that you've given me, given to me to

648
00:45:09.240 --> 00:45:13.320
take advantage of to like, protect myself or whatever. And

649
00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:16.320
I'm going to choose Lord that it's because you are who you say

650
00:45:16.320 --> 00:45:19.500
that you are. It's because that you're good. It's because you're

651
00:45:19.500 --> 00:45:22.840
protector, it's because you're provider, that you made

652
00:45:22.840 --> 00:45:27.640
provision in the world of principles that I can take

653
00:45:27.640 --> 00:45:31.560
advantage of, to give me comfort, or to give me relief,

654
00:45:31.720 --> 00:45:36.720
or to help me to fight for something or whatever. It's, and

655
00:45:36.720 --> 00:45:41.320
so it's kind of like the middle ground between the the prodigal

656
00:45:41.320 --> 00:45:46.520
son. And like, and you know, living in full, in full

657
00:45:46.520 --> 00:45:49.480
agreement with the father where you're using everything on the

658
00:45:49.480 --> 00:45:53.960
estate. It's like that middle part where the where the, the,

659
00:45:54.840 --> 00:46:01.240
the, the prodigal son was in the big sky, and he suddenly

660
00:46:01.240 --> 00:46:05.680
realized he was like, you know, if I go back, and I'm a servant

661
00:46:05.680 --> 00:46:09.040
in my father's house, I know that he'll receive me. In other

662
00:46:09.040 --> 00:46:13.280
words, he declared that God was good, and there was love. And,

663
00:46:13.560 --> 00:46:19.200
and I will be better provided for in my father's house than I

664
00:46:19.200 --> 00:46:23.640
am outside of it. But here's the really fascinating thing.

665
00:46:24.200 --> 00:46:28.800
Um, but see what he wasn't fully coming into agreement with yet

666
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:32.600
with yet was the fact that his father was so loving that he

667
00:46:32.600 --> 00:46:36.960
would restore the prodigal back to his original place that the

668
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:40.600
prodigal never received. And that is that he could abide in

669
00:46:40.600 --> 00:46:44.680
his father's estate, and have access to the inheritance. He

670
00:46:44.680 --> 00:46:49.360
didn't have to, he didn't have to leave and take the

671
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:53.080
inheritance with him in order to have it. If he stayed, he could

672
00:46:53.080 --> 00:46:58.840
always have access to it, you know, continually. And anyway,

673
00:46:58.840 --> 00:47:03.680
so it's fascinating that, that instead of thinking that these

674
00:47:03.720 --> 00:47:09.360
these worldly things are just evil and bad, well, God created

675
00:47:09.360 --> 00:47:12.080
the world to work the way that it does. And I don't mean how

676
00:47:12.080 --> 00:47:17.680
people are using loopholes and corrupting, corrupting rules and,

677
00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:20.720
and get around things. I'm not talking about those types of

678
00:47:20.720 --> 00:47:23.960
things. I'm talking about legitimate principles by which

679
00:47:23.960 --> 00:47:28.120
things work. God is the one who created those laws. And there

680
00:47:28.160 --> 00:47:31.920
and God only creates good things. So it's like what he

681
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:36.360
gave the prodigal son, God said, Okay, if you're going to go out

682
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:40.880
on your own, and provide for and protect yourself, I am going to

683
00:47:41.320 --> 00:47:45.200
personally give you the means by which you can provide for and

684
00:47:45.200 --> 00:47:49.080
protect yourself. In our world, liberty that's referred to as

685
00:47:49.080 --> 00:47:53.560
enabling. But that's what God did for the prodigal prodigal

686
00:47:53.560 --> 00:47:57.200
wanted to leave. And so the father said, Here, I will give

687
00:47:57.200 --> 00:48:01.320
you the means by which you can do what it is that you want to

688
00:48:01.320 --> 00:48:06.960
do, I will enable you to live without me. And so God does the

689
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:10.920
same thing with us. He's like, Hey, you know, I've actually I

690
00:48:10.920 --> 00:48:13.800
know that you're saying that you that I've abandoned you and

691
00:48:13.800 --> 00:48:16.440
that I'm not fighting for you and whatever. And so you're

692
00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:18.440
trying to find a means to provide for and comfort

693
00:48:18.440 --> 00:48:21.440
yourself. You know what, I've actually given you the means to

694
00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:27.720
do it. So you can so receive these is actually good tools

695
00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:31.520
from a good father, because he loves you. And he wants you to

696
00:48:31.520 --> 00:48:36.160
be able to have something that you can use in order to give

697
00:48:36.160 --> 00:48:39.680
yourself relief in order to give yourself help in order to help

698
00:48:39.680 --> 00:48:43.880
you feel like you've you are in control. And you can like, use

699
00:48:43.880 --> 00:48:48.400
this to fight for something, right. And so it's, so instead

700
00:48:48.400 --> 00:48:51.640
of this receiving all of those tools and using them for our

701
00:48:51.640 --> 00:48:55.440
own advantage, believing that we're abandoned and alone, what

702
00:48:55.440 --> 00:48:58.720
we can do to start progressing towards ultimate faith in the

703
00:48:58.720 --> 00:49:02.960
Lord, where, where we don't rely on the tools at all, we can use

704
00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:07.200
the tools, but we don't rely on them. We can start there by

705
00:49:07.200 --> 00:49:11.960
saying, Okay, God, I can't fully agree with me not having to need

706
00:49:11.960 --> 00:49:17.040
these tools. You know, I still feel like I need them, I still

707
00:49:17.040 --> 00:49:22.640
feel like they have power to help me. But Lord, I am agreeing

708
00:49:22.640 --> 00:49:26.320
with the fact that and again, this is your in between stage,

709
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:29.160
right? This is the declaring and going where your soul finds

710
00:49:29.160 --> 00:49:34.280
peace. You take those tools. And you say, Lord, I believe that

711
00:49:34.280 --> 00:49:38.520
you gave me these tools, because you are who you say that you

712
00:49:38.520 --> 00:49:42.560
are, your love, your good, your provider, your protector. And

713
00:49:42.560 --> 00:49:46.040
this is the way in which you chose to express it. You

714
00:49:46.040 --> 00:49:50.320
created tools, principles and means in this world by which I

715
00:49:50.320 --> 00:49:53.400
could take advantage if I knew if I have enough knowledge and

716
00:49:53.400 --> 00:49:58.320
wisdom, I can figure out how to use these things to my

717
00:49:58.320 --> 00:49:59.880
advantage to help me.

718
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.800
And so I received these Lord as a good gift.

719
00:50:03.800 --> 00:50:07.760
So that's what you do as is kind of like a, like a segue.

720
00:50:07.760 --> 00:50:10.400
You have faith according to the degree that you can.

721
00:50:10.400 --> 00:50:15.360
So God said to stand still and to see the salvation of the world, you know, and that's

722
00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:19.360
what you believe that he told you in that he told you to stand and told you that he

723
00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:22.200
is going to fight for you and that he is going to do all that.

724
00:50:22.200 --> 00:50:26.760
So trust it and have faith to the degree that you can, and then ask him, Lord, how do you

725
00:50:26.760 --> 00:50:29.960
want me to partner with you in that process?

726
00:50:29.960 --> 00:50:35.360
What do you, since, since rest is not inactivity, Lord, what are the activities that you want

727
00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:40.240
me to, to be, to be, to partake of?

728
00:50:40.240 --> 00:50:46.120
You know, how do I, how do I like partner with you in all of this, still relying on

729
00:50:46.120 --> 00:50:50.600
you to what degree that I can, and then the rest of it that I'm struggling to rely on

730
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:54.320
you for, I'm going to agree that you are that thing.

731
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:59.280
And then I'm going to try to figure out, you know, with this lawyer that you gifted me

732
00:50:59.280 --> 00:51:03.280
with the, with the knowledge that you've gifted me with the ability to research that

733
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:09.720
you've gifted me to, to figure out, is there something that I can do and then to take advantage

734
00:51:09.720 --> 00:51:11.600
of it and use it.

735
00:51:11.600 --> 00:51:13.440
Yeah, that's really good.

736
00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:16.240
I can see how, yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

737
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:22.360
And I think as you were sharing toward the end, I realized that I, like, I think I was

738
00:51:22.360 --> 00:51:29.120
relying on him, you know, however much I could, but well, you know, just struggling to find

739
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:32.680
and believe that he's totally safe and good.

740
00:51:32.680 --> 00:51:37.240
And so then, then, then I would go to other things and feel just guilty and condemned

741
00:51:37.240 --> 00:51:42.760
the whole way, because it's like, I'm, I'm going to these other things and somewhere

742
00:51:42.760 --> 00:51:48.480
inside me knowing that they're not God or they're tools and whatever, but in the way

743
00:51:48.480 --> 00:51:53.920
that you're talking about it, it's instead of like separating from him or kind of, you

744
00:51:53.920 --> 00:52:00.160
know, going off and feeling abandoned and alone and condemned for that, you know, receiving

745
00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:04.840
those as good gifts for him so that it's not a separation from him to use them.

746
00:52:04.840 --> 00:52:11.440
It's not a condemnation to use them, you know, and it's, it's a different way of definitely

747
00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:12.760
a different way of thinking about it.

748
00:52:12.760 --> 00:52:13.760
So yeah.

749
00:52:13.760 --> 00:52:14.760
Correct.

750
00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:19.920
Because it's all about what it is that we believe about the Lord and what we're coming

751
00:52:19.920 --> 00:52:23.440
into agreement with that's what's most important.

752
00:52:23.960 --> 00:52:28.080
And then he just matures us into knowing how to, into learning how to live like that, how

753
00:52:28.080 --> 00:52:34.600
to live out of the fact that he's that love and loving, and he is that good and he's that

754
00:52:34.600 --> 00:52:37.760
provision and that protection.

755
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:39.680
And so how do we live like that?

756
00:52:39.680 --> 00:52:44.240
How do we not no longer rely on the tools?

757
00:52:44.240 --> 00:52:49.480
Like we can still use the tools because even in like perfect faith, you can still use the

758
00:52:49.480 --> 00:52:50.480
tools.

759
00:52:50.480 --> 00:52:57.000
It's, but in perfect faith, it's no longer relying on the tools as having any power to

760
00:52:57.000 --> 00:53:01.200
determine the outcome that is determined by God.

761
00:53:01.200 --> 00:53:06.000
It's the tools that you and he are, are allowing to be part of the process.

762
00:53:06.000 --> 00:53:11.440
In other words, like a structure through which that y'all are operating, but the power is

763
00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:18.680
the spirit that is flowing through that structure that is creating the outcome that is perfect

764
00:53:18.880 --> 00:53:19.880
faith.

765
00:53:19.880 --> 00:53:26.120
So perfect faith doesn't mean that creation and the principles that God, the principles

766
00:53:26.120 --> 00:53:30.880
that God created by which creation works no longer, it just, just all of a sudden like

767
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:33.240
die and they don't exist anymore.

768
00:53:33.240 --> 00:53:36.920
Like, well, living in perfect faith means that, you know, I can fly.

769
00:53:36.920 --> 00:53:39.040
So therefore gravity doesn't exist anymore.

770
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:41.840
Well, no, there's nothing wrong with gravity.

771
00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:48.200
You know, it just means that God wants us to no longer be subject to laws, but, you

772
00:53:48.720 --> 00:53:53.280
know, believing that we're subject to them, but he's still delights in us using them.

773
00:53:53.280 --> 00:53:57.120
That's why Jesus says that he came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it.

774
00:53:57.120 --> 00:53:59.360
He didn't come to completely annihilate it.

775
00:53:59.360 --> 00:54:01.240
There's nothing wrong with it.

776
00:54:01.240 --> 00:54:05.360
In fact, it says in Romans seven, you know, as we talk about that, the law is holy.

777
00:54:05.360 --> 00:54:09.840
So the same thing with like principles of science or the way that the court, you know,

778
00:54:09.840 --> 00:54:14.280
the way that the, that like, and I don't, how would you put that?

779
00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:19.080
I was going to say the way that the court systems work, obviously the court systems,

780
00:54:19.080 --> 00:54:25.160
you know, are, you know, they're flawed and whatever, but I'm just talking in general.

781
00:54:25.160 --> 00:54:31.520
It doesn't make all of those things wrong or bad, but God doesn't want us to rely on

782
00:54:31.520 --> 00:54:31.760
them.

783
00:54:31.760 --> 00:54:36.400
He wants us to rely on him and then just use everything, just allow those principles to

784
00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:41.080
be part of the process and flowing through them and using them, et cetera.

785
00:54:41.120 --> 00:54:48.440
But while we are learning to depend on him and not to depend on things, he's, he enables

786
00:54:48.480 --> 00:54:52.200
us to have things to depend on.

787
00:54:52.800 --> 00:54:59.480
If we're not depending on him, he will give us means that will, and, and knowledge and

788
00:54:59.480 --> 00:55:00.000
systems.

789
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.000
that we can take advantage of fully aware that we are depending on them and he is enabling us to

790
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:12.160
depend on them. If we're choosing to not depend on him simply because we're still learning how to.

791
00:55:12.880 --> 00:55:18.160
Right. So it's okay to be in between. The important thing is to not feel condemned to

792
00:55:18.160 --> 00:55:23.680
not to realize that you're not condemned. So agree with God, where you can, if you can't agree with

793
00:55:23.680 --> 00:55:28.240
him to the full degree, agree with him to what degree you can, which is something like, okay,

794
00:55:28.240 --> 00:55:36.080
well you know, I at least, you know, believe and agree with the fact that me using these tools,

795
00:55:36.080 --> 00:55:40.560
I'm not in condemnation because why? Because that is something I can come into agreement with God

796
00:55:40.560 --> 00:55:46.400
about that I am not condemned for using these things. Now, does God want to mature us into

797
00:55:46.400 --> 00:55:52.960
relying more on him where we depend more on him than on the tools? Absolutely. But in depending

798
00:55:52.960 --> 00:55:57.920
on the tools, it, we, it can at least come into agreement with the fact that, okay, well, I'm not

799
00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:08.080
condemned for using it. And God is is he is delighted in and pleased that I'm coming into

800
00:56:08.080 --> 00:56:13.840
agreement with him to the degree that I am, you know, that I believe something that he said,

801
00:56:13.840 --> 00:56:20.320
and then I'm standing in that. And then the rest of it, he's going to continue to teach us

802
00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:24.320
as you know, and he just wants us to submit ourselves to him and just be like, okay, God,

803
00:56:24.320 --> 00:56:29.360
you say these things are true, but I've never lived it before. And I don't know how to, so can

804
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:34.960
you show me what it is I already have and who it is that you are and how to live like that?

805
00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:39.840
Because I just don't understand. How does that work Lord? When I'm in this type of an abusive

806
00:56:39.840 --> 00:56:46.720
situation, I just don't understand Lord, but I don't see it in this one. And I can see it in

807
00:56:46.720 --> 00:56:51.920
certain aspects of this court, uh, this court proceedings and certain aspects of the text and

808
00:56:51.920 --> 00:56:58.000
certain things that you texts and some things that you say, Lord, I can, I can understand how to have

809
00:56:58.000 --> 00:57:03.680
faith in you and how to give it to you and how to, and how it's no longer, um, feel like I'm

810
00:57:03.680 --> 00:57:11.040
depending on the system in order to protect me. I can get that Lord, but in others, Lord, I can't

811
00:57:11.040 --> 00:57:15.280
and other ways, Lord, and other times and situations and things that the judge said and

812
00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:19.200
certain things that are required of me in certain ways that I'm emotionally being triggered. I can't

813
00:57:19.200 --> 00:57:27.840
figure it out, Lord. So that's good. That's really good. Yeah. I guess my, so two other thoughts,

814
00:57:27.840 --> 00:57:35.920
but I feel like if I had one, my main one would be going back to, um, processing emotion while not

815
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:40.800
accusing God, because I think I've been afraid of like, if I'm, if I'm processing this emotion and

816
00:57:40.800 --> 00:57:46.480
I feel so angry, I literally want, like, I've never really said this or let myself be angry for

817
00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:51.600
38 years, like, you know, about so many things. And then here, this man's doing this and getting

818
00:57:51.600 --> 00:57:56.080
away with this again. And it's just one too many times it feels like, and I'm just so raw. And I

819
00:57:56.080 --> 00:58:01.440
just, I'm like, I want, I want to hurt him. Like I want to actually want him to die. Like, I never

820
00:58:01.440 --> 00:58:06.000
think that way, even after all that I've been through with him. And of course I don't totally

821
00:58:06.000 --> 00:58:11.920
mean it, but I kind of do. And I don't know how to, I guess, allow myself again, to process those

822
00:58:12.880 --> 00:58:18.560
emotions over the abuse over, you know, my mom, again, like just this morning coming up in a dream.

823
00:58:18.560 --> 00:58:23.040
And at that point, I just put down a boundary in the dream where I was like, you're going to stay

824
00:58:23.040 --> 00:58:27.120
here and throw a fit and not be part of this picture. So I just turned the camera and like,

825
00:58:27.120 --> 00:58:30.560
took the picture of the other people who were ready to take the picture. I don't know what it

826
00:58:30.560 --> 00:58:35.280
was. I don't know all the details in the stream, but I was just very, very like,

827
00:58:37.440 --> 00:58:41.920
indignant, you know, like, like, okay, this is how it's going to be. And not in a bad way. It's

828
00:58:43.200 --> 00:58:49.120
like, this is coming over me in my life where I have just been a pushover for so long. And I,

829
00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:52.880
I'm not just, I'm not trying to be like, well, I'm going to take it back and I'm going to take

830
00:58:52.880 --> 00:58:58.720
my life back in my own hands. No, it's just, I have, I've truly been knocked down and shaming

831
00:58:58.800 --> 00:59:04.160
myself and condemning myself and blaming myself for all of the pain and abuse for so long and

832
00:59:04.160 --> 00:59:11.600
not had a voice in it that I'm like, I am done. So how do I process that emotion without, but,

833
00:59:11.600 --> 00:59:17.280
but while also believing that God is good and, and even thinking like, look how he showed up for us

834
00:59:17.280 --> 00:59:22.400
in these ways and whatever. And then if I complain, because I'm really sad or mad or hurt by

835
00:59:22.400 --> 00:59:26.880
how the outcomes were, then I feel like I'm not taking into consideration somehow what God has

836
00:59:26.880 --> 00:59:33.280
done for me just because I feel also other, other things. Like I'm somehow, you know,

837
00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:39.200
accusing him if I, if I share my emotion, if I let them out and I tell him, like, I guess,

838
00:59:39.200 --> 00:59:45.040
how do we properly like think about those emotions and not condemn ourselves and having them,

839
00:59:46.480 --> 00:59:50.880
but also not stay in them, you know what I mean? Not stay in them as in like, let me just, you know,

840
00:59:50.880 --> 00:59:54.880
keep brewing in this and brewing in this, like, what's the line of kind of, how do we know we'll

841
00:59:54.880 --> 01:00:00.480
work properly? Like letting our emotions out when we have stuff done for you.

842
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.800
years and years versus when we're mulling over and taking things into our own

843
01:00:04.800 --> 01:00:09.520
hands to try to emotionally be responsible for them.

844
01:00:10.400 --> 01:00:13.400
So the fascinating thing is, you know, I say that we don't want to,

845
01:00:13.680 --> 01:00:15.160
we don't want to accuse God,

846
01:00:15.480 --> 01:00:19.040
but something that we do have to realize is that we already are.

847
01:00:19.720 --> 01:00:23.320
So, and that's what our, that's what our feelings are,

848
01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:26.400
especially like negative ones. That's what they're evidencing.

849
01:00:26.640 --> 01:00:28.760
They're evidencing what it is that we really believe,

850
01:00:28.760 --> 01:00:32.760
which is an accusation against the Lord. I mean, so, so we're,

851
01:00:32.840 --> 01:00:36.920
so the thing is that what we don't want to do,

852
01:00:36.920 --> 01:00:40.720
when I say that we don't want to accuse God, we don't want to,

853
01:00:41.480 --> 01:00:46.120
we were, we're trying to, in a manner of speaking, overcome it, come in,

854
01:00:46.360 --> 01:00:50.760
we're trying to come out of agreement with it instead of re agreeing with it.

855
01:00:51.800 --> 01:00:55.160
Does that make sense? So as these feelings come up,

856
01:00:55.360 --> 01:00:58.600
there are evidence of the fact that we're in accusation against the Lord.

857
01:00:58.600 --> 01:01:01.240
And the Lord knows that more than we do.

858
01:01:01.560 --> 01:01:06.560
He's more aware that we have those accusations and what those accusations are.

859
01:01:06.560 --> 01:01:10.000
And the fact that we are subconsciously presenting them before him all the time,

860
01:01:10.560 --> 01:01:13.880
he is very aware of that. So there were not,

861
01:01:13.880 --> 01:01:18.040
we don't have to worry and be afraid of ourselves and think of ourselves and

862
01:01:18.040 --> 01:01:19.720
kind of like any danger of like, okay,

863
01:01:20.120 --> 01:01:23.720
I'm feeling all of these feelings and maybe I shouldn't have,

864
01:01:23.720 --> 01:01:26.200
maybe I shouldn't like process them with the Lord,

865
01:01:26.480 --> 01:01:29.800
because that would be bringing up all of these accusations. Well, absolutely.

866
01:01:29.800 --> 01:01:30.960
That's exactly what that is.

867
01:01:31.280 --> 01:01:35.040
Those feelings are indicative of the accusations that are there and they just

868
01:01:35.040 --> 01:01:36.080
need to come up and out.

869
01:01:36.440 --> 01:01:41.440
They're there whether or not we allow ourselves to feel them and God's aware of

870
01:01:41.440 --> 01:01:44.920
them all the time. So we might as well allow them to surface and then come out.

871
01:01:45.240 --> 01:01:47.240
But what we don't want to do is Wes,

872
01:01:47.240 --> 01:01:52.240
they come out as to come into agreement with them by stifling them or by,

873
01:01:53.200 --> 01:01:53.480
you know,

874
01:01:53.480 --> 01:01:57.800
like reaffirming them and like strengthening them or anything like that.

875
01:01:58.040 --> 01:02:01.400
But we can process those feelings before the Lord and say, Lord,

876
01:02:01.680 --> 01:02:06.040
this is how I'm feeling. This is what I've been believing. Lord,

877
01:02:06.040 --> 01:02:10.880
I've been believing that you'd you've abandoned me. You're not telling God,

878
01:02:11.080 --> 01:02:13.520
God, you're abandoning me right now.

879
01:02:14.000 --> 01:02:18.320
And you've left me and how dare you and you're saying, no, God,

880
01:02:18.320 --> 01:02:21.680
I am mad at you because this is what I've been believing.

881
01:02:22.080 --> 01:02:26.880
And you can be mad at the Lord. In fact, the Lord, uh, when I,

882
01:02:27.000 --> 01:02:30.720
I was talking to somebody else about this just recently, which is fascinating.

883
01:02:30.920 --> 01:02:35.160
Maybe yesterday, uh, something like that on a transformation session. I was,

884
01:02:35.360 --> 01:02:39.640
um, and I'd forgotten about this, that I was, um, uh,

885
01:02:40.040 --> 01:02:41.400
many years ago. I don't know.

886
01:02:41.400 --> 01:02:43.760
It's probably like 14 years ago or something like that.

887
01:02:43.760 --> 01:02:46.400
I was so mad at the Lord about, you know,

888
01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:48.720
where it is that I was in my life at the time.

889
01:02:48.720 --> 01:02:52.920
Cause I went through very severe depression for like seven years. So, you know,

890
01:02:52.920 --> 01:02:57.360
got down to like suicidal thoughts and whatever. So during that time,

891
01:02:58.040 --> 01:03:00.480
um, I was so mad at God.

892
01:03:00.480 --> 01:03:04.360
And that was a really hard for me to admit because I was one of those people

893
01:03:04.360 --> 01:03:06.840
that wouldn't ever admit that I was mad at God.

894
01:03:06.840 --> 01:03:10.000
And I finally just like reached a point where I'm like, okay,

895
01:03:10.560 --> 01:03:14.120
God isn't like treating me any better,

896
01:03:14.600 --> 01:03:17.840
not being mad at him. So I'm just going to be mad at him. And,

897
01:03:18.040 --> 01:03:21.720
and so I was like very conscious of it is my point,

898
01:03:23.240 --> 01:03:27.400
present myself to him. And so what he told me is I remember where I was standing,

899
01:03:27.400 --> 01:03:31.400
where he told me this, I was standing like in the doorway to my bedroom.

900
01:03:31.400 --> 01:03:34.760
And I was just, it was just so mad at him. And I was, I don't know,

901
01:03:34.760 --> 01:03:37.360
talking to him, you know, and, and like,

902
01:03:37.360 --> 01:03:40.400
I don't even think I was talking to him out loud, but I was just talking to him.

903
01:03:41.160 --> 01:03:43.800
And he said, Ashley, he said, um,

904
01:03:44.800 --> 01:03:49.640
and he did this in response to what it was that internally I was considering at

905
01:03:49.640 --> 01:03:53.320
the time. And so he addressed it, addressed what it was. I was considering.

906
01:03:53.320 --> 01:03:57.440
He said, Ashley, he said, um, uh,

907
01:03:57.480 --> 01:03:59.840
cause basically I was thinking, well, I can't trust God.

908
01:03:59.840 --> 01:04:03.520
So why don't I just try to handle this all on my own?

909
01:04:03.560 --> 01:04:08.000
And why don't I just turn away from him and whatever? And so he said, he said,

910
01:04:08.000 --> 01:04:11.200
Ashley said, I understand that you're mad at me. He said,

911
01:04:11.200 --> 01:04:13.680
and you can be mad at me. He's like, you can struggle with me.

912
01:04:13.680 --> 01:04:18.360
He said, we can work through that. And, um, he said, that's fine. He said,

913
01:04:18.360 --> 01:04:22.680
we can handle that together. He was very kind, but, but very, you know,

914
01:04:22.720 --> 01:04:27.560
very firm when he said all of this is just that we can do that. He said,

915
01:04:27.760 --> 01:04:30.480
but whatever you do, he said, don't shut me out.

916
01:04:31.040 --> 01:04:33.960
That's what I'm asking of you is that don't shut,

917
01:04:33.960 --> 01:04:38.040
don't shut me out of your struggle. He said, if you're going to struggle,

918
01:04:38.240 --> 01:04:39.360
struggle with me,

919
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:44.600
don't turn your back on me and fight and,

920
01:04:44.640 --> 01:04:48.000
and fight me by alienate alienating me.

921
01:04:48.400 --> 01:04:52.760
And then it came to mind the script, the passage in, in, um,

922
01:04:52.920 --> 01:04:57.400
in Genesis where Jacob wrestled with, where it says that, you know,

923
01:04:57.400 --> 01:04:59.960
it says Jacob wrestled with an angel. And then the way.

924
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.360
that the angel described it when he gave Jacob his new name, and he said, you'll now be called

925
01:05:05.360 --> 01:05:12.400
Israel. He said, because you have struggled with God and won. Or in other words, in some

926
01:05:12.400 --> 01:05:19.360
translations, you've wrestled with God and won. But the name Israel means he who struggles with

927
01:05:19.360 --> 01:05:26.720
God. So not only did God give him a new name after he, after Jacob fought with him, he,

928
01:05:26.720 --> 01:05:32.400
which is always considered like this, which is considered a, I don't want to say an honor,

929
01:05:32.400 --> 01:05:38.800
but it's, it's something that the Lord bestows on us. And, you know, or bestowed on certain

930
01:05:39.520 --> 01:05:44.240
people back in the Bible. And, and then, you know, he told you, he said, you know,

931
01:05:45.040 --> 01:05:49.600
he felt that he told you, you know, that your name is Liberty now. So in that same way,

932
01:05:49.600 --> 01:05:54.080
you know, when he was talking to Jacob, and he said, your name is now Israel. So what that means

933
01:05:54.080 --> 01:06:02.480
is that he got had chosen a people he'd chosen them as his first born son. And names are extremely

934
01:06:02.480 --> 01:06:07.120
important to the Lord, because for multiple reasons, but one of the fascinating things

935
01:06:07.120 --> 01:06:12.560
about names is that you're declaring something over that person every single time their name

936
01:06:12.560 --> 01:06:17.200
is spoken, because words are very powerful. And then meaning and the intention behind them is

937
01:06:17.200 --> 01:06:25.920
very powerful. So, so when since Israel means he that struggles with God, every single time

938
01:06:25.920 --> 01:06:35.120
that God called out his son, you know, his son Israel, or that the or that anybody else addressed

939
01:06:35.120 --> 01:06:41.840
Jacob or addressed the whole nation, anytime anybody would talk about them, to this day,

940
01:06:41.840 --> 01:06:48.080
thousands of years later, all of those, you know, trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions

941
01:06:48.080 --> 01:06:53.360
of times that their name has been spoken, it's what has been declared and reaffirmed over and

942
01:06:53.360 --> 01:07:00.240
over and over again is he who struggles with God, he who struggles got it wasn't he who was loved by

943
01:07:00.240 --> 01:07:06.720
God, or he who loves God, or he who obeys God, it is he who struggles with God, God could have named

944
01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:12.240
his firstborn son, anything. And that is what he named him. And I, and I don't believe that it

945
01:07:12.240 --> 01:07:20.080
wasn't in condemnation. It wasn't in punishment. I believe that that to the Lord is a very intimate

946
01:07:20.080 --> 01:07:27.280
place is our struggle with him. But again, it's struggling with him, not against him. Yeah. That's

947
01:07:27.280 --> 01:07:33.040
a huge difference. And so God, or that verse of like, you know, working out your salvation,

948
01:07:33.120 --> 01:07:37.520
if you're in trembling, or whatever version you're familiar with, I think that's a better way of

949
01:07:37.520 --> 01:07:45.040
looking at that verse. Then a lot of interpretations to, you know, like to work it out to wrestle with

950
01:07:45.040 --> 01:07:51.920
him or to, you know, struggle with him. Yeah, yeah. And overcoming Yeah, because we're overcoming

951
01:07:51.920 --> 01:07:58.080
that flesh. It's an aspect of relationship that is very important. Because you know, we all know

952
01:07:58.720 --> 01:08:04.480
that conflict actually increases intimacy in marriage. Meaning like, if you move through

953
01:08:04.480 --> 01:08:08.400
the conflict, I don't mean that conflict itself is like this great and wonderful thing.

954
01:08:09.760 --> 01:08:18.800
Conflict allows for deeper intimacy to be created. And here's why. And so this is another very

955
01:08:18.800 --> 01:08:26.640
important thing to remember that maybe this would like be a comfort to you is that that things are

956
01:08:26.640 --> 01:08:34.720
birthed. When you move through chaos in rest. That is a spiritual principle that is actually

957
01:08:34.720 --> 01:08:40.240
evidenced in a lot of physical principles as well, is if you have chaos, but you move through the

958
01:08:40.240 --> 01:08:47.840
chaos and rest, something positive is actually birthed from it, something new is manifested

959
01:08:47.840 --> 01:08:55.040
into creation, or into a situation. It's not moving through chaos. It's moving through chaos in

960
01:08:55.040 --> 01:09:01.520
rest that have examples or any thoughts on what do you have any thoughts or examples on,

961
01:09:02.160 --> 01:09:09.680
on when you know, just that that principle? Well, not at the moment, there is one about like

962
01:09:09.680 --> 01:09:17.359
fish one time that I've heard of about like a physical example, like when I think it's Oh,

963
01:09:17.359 --> 01:09:21.040
I wish I could remember what it was something about like, I think of even the birthing process.

964
01:09:21.040 --> 01:09:26.000
I mean, when you I guess that one, yeah, it could like, because I was thinking, well, you know,

965
01:09:26.000 --> 01:09:30.720
you're not really moving through rest. But that's not true. Like if there's chaos, as in it feels

966
01:09:30.720 --> 01:09:36.479
like a train, you know, is going through your body. And yet you stay in peace. Like I know,

967
01:09:36.479 --> 01:09:42.399
I just tried my best to the second birth, like, imagine a flower opening over and over and over

968
01:09:42.399 --> 01:09:48.240
and stay in rest. And I was at home. So I had no, you know, medication or anything but a midwife and

969
01:09:48.240 --> 01:09:54.880
doula. But like that. That is an example. Because yeah, something beautiful ends up coming of that.

970
01:09:54.880 --> 01:09:59.760
I mean, the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine the gift of a child, you know, comes

971
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.000
So that staying in rest and care.

972
01:10:04.000 --> 01:10:05.000
Correct.

973
01:10:05.000 --> 01:10:12.040
Because, and the way that I, I, the way that I describe it is whenever I talk about the

974
01:10:12.040 --> 01:10:14.960
birth as an example, because I'm glad that you reminded me of that.

975
01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:20.360
Cause I'm like, well, what examples do I usually use forgotten about the actual birthing is,

976
01:10:20.360 --> 01:10:26.840
is that that's why they teach you Lamaze breathing is because they teach you to relax into the

977
01:10:26.840 --> 01:10:33.600
pain to allow your body to just do what it needs to do because resisting the pain, resisting

978
01:10:33.600 --> 01:10:39.240
everything that's going on will actually increase tearing that the likelihood of tearing, you

979
01:10:39.240 --> 01:10:41.900
know, and of difficulty in birth, et cetera.

980
01:10:41.900 --> 01:10:49.400
And so as hard as it is to actually let it to actually release into the pain, it actually

981
01:10:49.400 --> 01:10:54.040
makes it less painful and goes through smoother and faster.

982
01:10:54.040 --> 01:11:00.920
You remember that, that, that when, that what you're doing is you're letting go, you're

983
01:11:00.920 --> 01:11:03.440
not, you're stopping the resistance.

984
01:11:03.440 --> 01:11:07.560
And so it's the same thing in going through chaos, it's stopping the resistance.

985
01:11:07.560 --> 01:11:12.960
So there was a manner in which in, in which what the Lord wants you to do and going through

986
01:11:12.960 --> 01:11:18.680
this process of like with the court and like emotionally and mentally and all of that is

987
01:11:18.680 --> 01:11:24.520
kind of like Lamaze breathing or whatever it's, it's relaxing into the pain of it instead

988
01:11:24.520 --> 01:11:29.360
of fighting it so much, instead of resisting it, believing you're under threat because

989
01:11:29.360 --> 01:11:32.380
that will increase the pain.

990
01:11:32.380 --> 01:11:37.800
So by resistance, again, we don't mean that he, that Sam can do whatever he wants and

991
01:11:37.800 --> 01:11:39.800
you just have to go along with it.

992
01:11:39.800 --> 01:11:41.560
You can present things in court.

993
01:11:41.560 --> 01:11:47.480
You can, you can, you know, you're not giving in to the lies that, that you're tempted to

994
01:11:47.480 --> 01:11:53.160
believe about yourself, that the emotions and the things that are coming up and whatever,

995
01:11:53.160 --> 01:11:55.360
you're not like giving into it.

996
01:11:55.360 --> 01:12:02.520
So there's a difference between giving into something and versus just simply letting it

997
01:12:02.520 --> 01:12:05.000
go and stopping fighting it.

998
01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:08.960
We think that if we stop fighting something that we're going to be overcome by it.

999
01:12:08.960 --> 01:12:13.600
But if you were, if you stop fighting it because you're releasing it to the Lord and you don't

1000
01:12:13.600 --> 01:12:17.240
believe you're threatened, then it can't infiltrate you.

1001
01:12:18.000 --> 01:12:19.000
Cross that boundary.

1002
01:12:19.000 --> 01:12:25.480
It cannot trespass, but I'm wondering if that example of that right now is this specific,

1003
01:12:25.480 --> 01:12:29.920
you know, app clause that just was just feeling so threatening.

1004
01:12:29.920 --> 01:12:33.800
Like he is just going to use this to harass and do all of these things that he's been

1005
01:12:33.800 --> 01:12:34.800
doing.

1006
01:12:34.800 --> 01:12:35.800
And then I'm subject to it.

1007
01:12:35.800 --> 01:12:40.560
And I have to this and that, and that just feels, you know, unimaginable at this point.

1008
01:12:40.560 --> 01:12:45.920
Like I just, I just can't do that, you know, and all that, like, I think it's valid, but

1009
01:12:45.920 --> 01:12:52.440
maybe if I can surrender it to the Lord and I can take my time to kind of process it before

1010
01:12:52.440 --> 01:12:57.600
I give any agreement, you know, to an attorney or anyone on it, you know, maybe there is

1011
01:12:57.600 --> 01:13:00.760
a way that I can not feel threatened or subject to it.

1012
01:13:00.760 --> 01:13:05.760
You know, like I haven't known, do I, you know, in a sense, do I resist, right?

1013
01:13:05.760 --> 01:13:09.920
Do I like, do I, you know, slam my fist down in a sense and say like, this is enough is

1014
01:13:09.920 --> 01:13:10.920
enough.

1015
01:13:10.920 --> 01:13:16.080
I can't, you know, imagine being forced to do this with this man any longer, and I'm

1016
01:13:16.080 --> 01:13:18.920
not going to be able to keep the commitment.

1017
01:13:18.920 --> 01:13:23.680
So, you know, and then that's going to create, create probably more chaos and pain because

1018
01:13:23.680 --> 01:13:28.160
they're going to have to figure that out or they're going to have to, I don't know what

1019
01:13:28.160 --> 01:13:31.480
would happen if I didn't sign the agreement and then I might look bad because I didn't

1020
01:13:31.480 --> 01:13:32.920
sign the agreement.

1021
01:13:32.920 --> 01:13:34.320
But that's one of my struggles too.

1022
01:13:34.320 --> 01:13:38.400
Sometimes it's like the court stuff is like, what rights do I have spiritually?

1023
01:13:38.400 --> 01:13:42.800
Do I separate the court, the natural, right?

1024
01:13:42.800 --> 01:13:48.440
You know, the court system and all the stuff with Sam and do I trust God instead like his

1025
01:13:48.440 --> 01:13:54.640
way and the spiritual laws and what he's doing and him fighting for me and just let the court

1026
01:13:54.640 --> 01:14:01.480
stuff be, or do I try to fight for justice within the court system with God's help or

1027
01:14:01.480 --> 01:14:02.480
in partnership?

1028
01:14:02.480 --> 01:14:03.480
Yeah.

1029
01:14:03.480 --> 01:14:08.960
I believe it's both because again, it now I'm not saying that the court system doesn't

1030
01:14:08.960 --> 01:14:11.960
have its own mess and its own corruption within it.

1031
01:14:11.960 --> 01:14:16.040
So I'm not saying that I'm just talking in general, what it is that God has created.

1032
01:14:16.040 --> 01:14:24.080
There's nothing wrong with, and it's not in violation of like just its existence is not

1033
01:14:24.080 --> 01:14:30.360
in violation of the kingdom of God, the kingdom of God's super and its principles supersede

1034
01:14:30.360 --> 01:14:35.040
the kingdom of this world, but just the principles that God created and that God put into this

1035
01:14:35.040 --> 01:14:36.040
world.

1036
01:14:36.040 --> 01:14:44.120
They're not in violation of the kingdom of heaven, the problem that, that where, where

1037
01:14:44.120 --> 01:14:49.280
the kingdom of this world is in violation is any aspect of it that is not in agreement

1038
01:14:49.280 --> 01:14:53.440
with the Lord and is acting out of, out of resistance against him, you know, rebellion

1039
01:14:53.440 --> 01:14:58.640
against him is subject to corruption, subject to death, you know, that kind of a thing.

1040
01:14:58.640 --> 01:15:00.240
And that's where you get all of these.

1041
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.920
where the law has no grace in it, and you know, etc. So my point is that God is the one who created

1042
01:15:07.920 --> 01:15:13.200
the principles by which the court system, generally speaking, works and is set up,

1043
01:15:13.200 --> 01:15:21.840
the general principles of it. And so therefore, it's God's system. Now he has a higher, he always

1044
01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:29.280
wants the kingdom of heaven's principles to supersede and to take precedence over. But that

1045
01:15:29.280 --> 01:15:35.040
means though, that both kingdoms are meant to work in harmony. That's what we're doing when

1046
01:15:35.040 --> 01:15:43.120
we're overcoming the flesh. We are reclaiming the kingdom of this world, so to speak. And by the

1047
01:15:43.120 --> 01:15:46.960
kingdom of this world, all I mean are like laws. I don't mean like the kingdom of this world that's

1048
01:15:46.960 --> 01:15:51.360
like following Satan or something, you know. I'm just talking about what it is that God originally

1049
01:15:51.360 --> 01:15:56.400
created, the laws of science and the laws of government and the laws of finance and laws of

1050
01:15:56.400 --> 01:16:01.520
business, all of those things, and the laws of relationships, the way that thing, in other words,

1051
01:16:01.520 --> 01:16:08.880
just the way that things work, you know, those were created by your God. And so you rely on the

1052
01:16:08.880 --> 01:16:17.760
principles of the kingdom of heaven, and the fact that you are a son of that king, but you operate

1053
01:16:17.760 --> 01:16:27.840
within the court system of the, of the world in which you are living, because both can exist at

1054
01:16:27.840 --> 01:16:33.760
the same time, both the kingdom of this world and the kingdom of heaven. It's just whenever the

1055
01:16:33.760 --> 01:16:39.680
kingdom of this world is in opposition to the kingdom of heaven, that you can out call for the

1056
01:16:39.680 --> 01:16:44.880
kingdom of heaven to supersede. But, you know, which is, you know, any kind of like abuse, you

1057
01:16:44.880 --> 01:16:51.120
know, et cetera. But yeah, you can absolutely, you as a son of God, you don't have to be afraid of the

1058
01:16:51.120 --> 01:16:56.400
court system because the court system is not, so to speak, the law by which court system is set up. It's

1059
01:16:56.400 --> 01:17:01.520
not in violation of Christianity. It's not in violation of God. God is the one who created it

1060
01:17:01.520 --> 01:17:06.160
like that. People just figured it out, figured out what would work best, and then try to create a

1061
01:17:06.160 --> 01:17:10.640
system around it. Sure. Some of those aren't, aren't great. And sure, some of them are not following

1062
01:17:10.640 --> 01:17:16.480
his principle, but I'm just talking, generally speaking, this is not a system that is set up by

1063
01:17:16.480 --> 01:17:23.840
Satan right. System that's been corrupted by Satan and been twisted and used, but it itself,

1064
01:17:24.640 --> 01:17:30.560
you know, is, is your gods. And so you're not in violation of living in both because think about

1065
01:17:30.560 --> 01:17:36.000
it. You, your body right now, you are spirit, soul, and body. You are literally living in three realms

1066
01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:42.880
at the same time. You're literally living in multiple dimensions, even more than three realms.

1067
01:17:42.880 --> 01:17:48.240
You're living in multiple dimensions at the same time. Even the physical dimension has at least

1068
01:17:48.240 --> 01:17:52.480
three. And then of course there's the fourth dimension, which is time. And then, you know,

1069
01:17:52.480 --> 01:17:56.560
not to mention however many dimensions are in the soul realm and how many dimensions are in the spirit

1070
01:17:56.560 --> 01:18:00.320
realm, you know, who knows you were literally living in multiple dimensions at one time.

1071
01:18:00.880 --> 01:18:06.720
So you get, so why wouldn't it be true about the kingdom of heaven and the kingdom of world of the

1072
01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:12.240
world, both being existent at the same time and you being allowed to operate in both and then

1073
01:18:12.240 --> 01:18:19.840
not being in violation against one another. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, so that makes

1074
01:18:19.840 --> 01:18:25.920
sense. Yeah. That it's that they work together and I'm not, I'm not sure if the Lord wants me

1075
01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:33.520
to stand in a moment like this and say the truth of like, this would be harmful and enough is

1076
01:18:33.520 --> 01:18:40.480
enough. Or if he wants me to go with it and trust that he's coming in from his, his other dimension,

1077
01:18:41.040 --> 01:18:44.800
you know, into the situation, just like he promised and that it's going to be okay.

1078
01:18:44.800 --> 01:18:50.400
And I just kind of scoot by with this app thing and send one word answers when I have to, to,

1079
01:18:50.400 --> 01:18:56.000
you know, to just not think about it and not be subject to it and triggered by it as much

1080
01:18:56.000 --> 01:19:02.880
as possible, you know, or do I stand again with the courts now and say, you know, in this moment,

1081
01:19:02.880 --> 01:19:08.960
like this isn't going to work and this isn't, you know, he's already been harassing even since court

1082
01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:16.400
when you told him not to. So I'm not, I'm not willing to do this, you know? Yeah. Now, so I'll

1083
01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:21.840
just walk you through some things and I'm not telling you that this is how you need to handle

1084
01:19:21.840 --> 01:19:30.960
it. I'm just trying to use this as an example, uh, to, of how I personally would integrate the

1085
01:19:30.960 --> 01:19:35.920
principles of the kingdom of heaven into real life situations. So just you, do you just take

1086
01:19:35.920 --> 01:19:40.480
this with a grain of salt? I'm not in a situation. I don't know what God's telling you to do.

1087
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:45.200
So I've wondered about the courts of heaven too. Like a lot of people are saying like the courts

1088
01:19:45.200 --> 01:19:50.880
of heaven, if things are just backwards in the courts on earth, you know, you need to go to the

1089
01:19:50.880 --> 01:19:57.280
courts over this, this situation, you know, and all the implications and everything that's doing

1090
01:19:57.280 --> 01:19:59.760
to my kids and the years, the seven years. I mean,

1091
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.000
all that, but I'm like, okay, do we need the courts of heaven in certain situations? So,

1092
01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:07.600
so I'd love to hear what you would, you know, how you would approach it.

1093
01:20:08.160 --> 01:20:12.960
Yeah. Well, Ed and I, and y'all may have been the ones that we were talking to about this the other

1094
01:20:12.960 --> 01:20:19.840
day, Ed and I do believe in the courts of heaven, but a bit differently than most people do. Most

1095
01:20:19.840 --> 01:20:25.360
people who believe in the courts of heaven believe differently than Ed and I do. And the way that Ed

1096
01:20:25.360 --> 01:20:31.120
and I believe in them is the fact that they do exist, but it's almost kind of like the picture

1097
01:20:31.120 --> 01:20:36.560
of like, uh, like some people believe that the courts of heaven are literal places in heaven

1098
01:20:36.560 --> 01:20:40.240
that you have to go to and you have to do things. And there's certain rituals and you've got to do

1099
01:20:40.240 --> 01:20:43.360
it like this and you've got to learn all the protocols and all of the principles and you've

1100
01:20:43.360 --> 01:20:48.720
got to work it. It's like another, it's another set of principles of spiritual warfare that you

1101
01:20:48.720 --> 01:20:54.960
now have to learn and you how, and if you don't know one, well, then you're victim to, uh, being,

1102
01:20:54.960 --> 01:20:59.920
being like, uh, having them used against you or whatever, simply because you just didn't know.

1103
01:20:59.920 --> 01:21:04.960
Right. Yeah. And so anyway, I, and I do not believe like that. We believe that the courts

1104
01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:11.200
of heaven are just kind of like a general, a general picture that the Lord has given people

1105
01:21:11.200 --> 01:21:15.200
to show them, Hey, look, by the way, when you're doing these things in the spirit,

1106
01:21:15.200 --> 01:21:20.880
it's like a court system. It's like you're doing this. And then so-and-so is doing this and et

1107
01:21:20.880 --> 01:21:25.680
cetera, but it's not, we don't think of it as the formal structure that a lot in which a lot

1108
01:21:25.680 --> 01:21:31.760
of people teach. There's like a 10 book series on this by this, the Henderson guy. Yeah. Robert

1109
01:21:31.760 --> 01:21:38.800
Henderson. Yeah, exactly. So fascinatingly, my parents met, uh, met him when they met,

1110
01:21:39.520 --> 01:21:45.120
went to Turkey, uh, like in, I think it was 1993 to, because of course we moved over there

1111
01:21:45.120 --> 01:21:50.240
eventually. And they were kind of like going over for the first time they went over with Robert

1112
01:21:50.240 --> 01:21:56.560
Henderson. And, um, I, and I don't know that he was leading the group, but this is long before he

1113
01:21:56.560 --> 01:22:01.520
ever, he ever started talking about the courts of heaven and whatever. So I talked to dad about it

1114
01:22:01.520 --> 01:22:06.000
one time and said, Hey dad, you know, you, I heard that you knew the man, Robert Henderson.

1115
01:22:06.000 --> 01:22:10.880
He's like, Oh yeah, he was on our trip with us to Turkey back in 93. I was like, really?

1116
01:22:10.880 --> 01:22:15.920
And he said, and he said, yeah. And he said, he really has like gone off. Um, I've heard that

1117
01:22:15.920 --> 01:22:19.920
he's really kind of gone off the edge, you know, recent years. I'm like, Oh, okay. I didn't say,

1118
01:22:21.520 --> 01:22:26.000
I was just like, okay, apparently that's, you know, cause my dad really probably doesn't

1119
01:22:26.000 --> 01:22:30.240
even know about that phrase, the courts of heaven, quite honestly, but he's just heard

1120
01:22:30.240 --> 01:22:36.240
some things about him. So point that that's just a little side note, but it feels very rigid and

1121
01:22:36.240 --> 01:22:41.520
like too complicated and reading the book. I mean, we, we, we read a lot of the book together

1122
01:22:41.520 --> 01:22:47.440
and then a friend of ours encouraged him to read it as the leader of the home. And, um,

1123
01:22:47.440 --> 01:22:50.960
and so we've kind of been like, okay, is this, is this the thing that we want to focus on?

1124
01:22:51.840 --> 01:22:56.480
I don't think it is as much as the rest. And so it feels like that's like what we're going to spend

1125
01:22:56.480 --> 01:23:01.360
day after day, like every single day going through, whether it's just me or us together,

1126
01:23:01.360 --> 01:23:06.400
you know, combination that this, we feel very strongly is where we're supposed to be,

1127
01:23:06.400 --> 01:23:10.800
but the courts of heaven was a suggestion for our situation because it's so severe, you know?

1128
01:23:11.600 --> 01:23:21.280
Yes. So again, I believe the idea of the courts of heaven is in like, um, as in like principally

1129
01:23:21.280 --> 01:23:27.280
in the spirit, those things are going on of like, you're presenting things before the Lord and

1130
01:23:27.280 --> 01:23:33.760
we're being accused by the enemy and, and you can present things as a son before the father.

1131
01:23:33.760 --> 01:23:39.120
And they it's, but I don't believe it's like rigid. Like there's all of these, I believe that

1132
01:23:39.120 --> 01:23:44.960
those are just that the Lord just kind of pictured a court for people to kind of get a grasp of

1133
01:23:44.960 --> 01:23:50.240
what's going on in the spirit as we're doing the things that he's, that he's inviting us to do,

1134
01:23:50.240 --> 01:23:54.000
you know, presenting things before him, you know, asking him for help, you know,

1135
01:23:55.360 --> 01:24:00.320
I think that those things are going on, but there are people that Ed and I both personally know

1136
01:24:00.320 --> 01:24:04.960
that are really into the courts of heaven. And that are like some of the most well-known

1137
01:24:04.960 --> 01:24:10.240
teachers about it these days, like they're like leading thousands of people through

1138
01:24:10.240 --> 01:24:16.000
like these processes and these courses and these whatever, and we're going, Oh my word,

1139
01:24:16.000 --> 01:24:23.040
this is complicated. We don't believe in it to that degree. We don't believe that God requires

1140
01:24:23.040 --> 01:24:30.160
it. Like there's this new structure that and formula that you have to know and now take

1141
01:24:30.160 --> 01:24:36.480
advantage of the beast. And it just got discovered, you know, 10 years ago. Exactly. And now that if

1142
01:24:36.480 --> 01:24:42.320
you want to be powerful in spiritual warfare, you now need to learn this. We disagree with that,

1143
01:24:43.120 --> 01:24:48.000
but we do believe that there's something to it is in like, it's kind of like the picture that

1144
01:24:48.000 --> 01:24:52.800
God gives us of like, to help us understand really what's going on when we're presenting

1145
01:24:52.800 --> 01:24:59.040
things beforehand, when, when there's war in the spirit against, because

1146
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.760
that is manifesting on the physical, because remember that God says we do not work against

1147
01:25:05.760 --> 01:25:09.760
flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, and rulers, darkness, this world.

1148
01:25:09.760 --> 01:25:14.720
So in other words, that is happening in a different realm. And then it, we're seeing

1149
01:25:16.000 --> 01:25:20.880
evidence of it and manifestation of it in the physical realm, which is, you know, Sam coming

1150
01:25:20.880 --> 01:25:26.400
after you and doing all of these things and just him probably being tormented by whatever it is

1151
01:25:26.480 --> 01:25:30.320
being tormented by, you know, the spirit. And it's like trying to fight against, you know,

1152
01:25:30.320 --> 01:25:35.760
who it is that you're standing in the Lord in, et cetera, because remember, again, we're not

1153
01:25:35.760 --> 01:25:41.120
fighting against, it's not that this whole. That's why I can't judge him too harshly because it's

1154
01:25:41.120 --> 01:25:46.800
not, it's not him. And I try to differentiate between, you know, his identity I know is a son

1155
01:25:46.800 --> 01:25:53.520
of God, you know, and then God wants him back. Correct. Now he's making the choices that he is,

1156
01:25:53.520 --> 01:25:59.040
but we can have compassion in the fact that, well, he's doing it out of fear. He's doing it

1157
01:25:59.040 --> 01:26:02.720
out of self-preservation. He doesn't believe, I mean, he's the one who has to live with himself.

1158
01:26:03.760 --> 01:26:10.080
That would not be easy, you know, but, um, so we can, we can acknowledge and be discerning

1159
01:26:10.080 --> 01:26:15.360
about the fact, okay, this person is making these decisions. Therefore we can't trust them.

1160
01:26:15.360 --> 01:26:20.160
We can't put ourselves in particular situations with them, but that doesn't mean that God has

1161
01:26:20.160 --> 01:26:27.840
given it to us as our, as our place to judge them and condemn them. We can be discerning,

1162
01:26:28.640 --> 01:26:34.720
but we, but, you know, judging them or like calling them evil and, and sending them to hell

1163
01:26:34.720 --> 01:26:40.480
and, you know, and stuff like that, you know, it's just very different, but, um, so anyway, it's, it's

1164
01:26:40.480 --> 01:26:45.280
just, hopefully that made sense about what I was saying about the courts. I do believe them in

1165
01:26:45.280 --> 01:26:49.280
general. Um, I don't have a big, I don't have an issue with them. In fact, God taught me about

1166
01:26:49.280 --> 01:26:56.480
the courts before I, before I got teaching from other people about them. But for me, it was just

1167
01:26:56.480 --> 01:27:03.120
kind of, it was just kind of some way that helped me get an anchor for my soul and an understanding

1168
01:27:03.120 --> 01:27:08.080
of what it was I was trying to do in the spirit. And it kind of just helped me to walk my spirit

1169
01:27:08.080 --> 01:27:13.840
or my soul, whatever it is along in the process of getting the whole thing reconciled. And it was

1170
01:27:13.840 --> 01:27:19.280
like a forgiveness thing. And that's what I took to the court, but the accuser wasn't there. I just

1171
01:27:19.280 --> 01:27:23.440
asked Jesus, Hey, Jesus, can we get God, the father and have him come as judge and have the

1172
01:27:23.440 --> 01:27:27.360
holy spirit come as a witness. And then me deal with this forgiveness thing with so-and-so. And

1173
01:27:27.360 --> 01:27:33.120
he's like, sure. So they came, the holy spirit came and the God, and we just did the thing,

1174
01:27:33.120 --> 01:27:41.200
but it wasn't formal. It just helped me in my soul figure out how to find a place of intention

1175
01:27:41.200 --> 01:27:46.880
within myself and direct it towards something so that things would happen in the spirit. That's,

1176
01:27:46.880 --> 01:27:51.280
so that's what it did anyway. That's kind of how Ed and I believe we could be wrong.

1177
01:27:51.280 --> 01:27:55.680
You know, everybody believes differently. So just because Ed and I have our idea doesn't

1178
01:27:55.680 --> 01:27:59.760
make us the ones who are right. But that's, I would like to learn about it on more of this,

1179
01:27:59.760 --> 01:28:06.320
the simple, you know, free sort of level that you're talking about. Just, just even know kind

1180
01:28:06.320 --> 01:28:10.880
of the how, which I sometimes I wish I didn't ask so many questions and want to know the how,

1181
01:28:10.880 --> 01:28:16.640
but something that I think helps me so much. I mean, just about you and the way that you talk

1182
01:28:16.640 --> 01:28:22.160
and the way that you communicate and teach is just that you are really detailed, but you're also

1183
01:28:23.600 --> 01:28:27.280
really refreshing, you know, like there's a freedom, but then there's a, there's a,

1184
01:28:28.240 --> 01:28:32.320
there's a depth of understanding that you provide because you're so detailed. That

1185
01:28:32.320 --> 01:28:38.880
also helps a person know, okay, like this isn't just lofty, whatever, you know, that I can't.

1186
01:28:39.280 --> 01:28:44.960
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's good thing. I appreciate the feedback because I know that

1187
01:28:44.960 --> 01:28:51.360
only certain people are attracted to my teaching and not, and not other people attracted to it.

1188
01:28:52.400 --> 01:28:57.200
I have a particular style and I'm very detailed, but I've noticed that with certain people,

1189
01:28:57.200 --> 01:29:03.040
that's how they, they own it the easiest. They can grab ahold of it for themselves instead of

1190
01:29:03.040 --> 01:29:07.840
being relying, relying on me because I teach in the way that I do. I teach for so that they'll

1191
01:29:07.840 --> 01:29:13.520
own it for themselves as opposed to not fully understanding how this works. And then they just

1192
01:29:13.520 --> 01:29:19.200
heard information formula and then try to execute. I'm like, well, that's not going to help them when

1193
01:29:19.200 --> 01:29:25.040
they're running into situations in life that we didn't discuss. That's pretty worthless in the

1194
01:29:25.040 --> 01:29:30.000
end when you can't apply it. So yeah, that's, that's huge. And then I think, I mean, my

1195
01:29:30.000 --> 01:29:34.080
background is education and teaching and stuff, but I, but it's not necessarily that. I mean,

1196
01:29:34.080 --> 01:29:38.960
I do enjoy learning. It's one of my kind of innate things is like, I just love learning and

1197
01:29:38.960 --> 01:29:44.880
growing, but I also feel like there's been so much misinformation and my life's kind of been made up

1198
01:29:44.880 --> 01:29:51.760
of so many opinions, so many churches. I mean, I moved 25 times. So if you can imagine 25 times of

1199
01:29:51.760 --> 01:29:58.560
different people, different churches, different, you know and you know, there are different

1200
01:29:58.560 --> 01:29:59.760
doctrines. And so.

1201
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.200
I really got really confused.

1202
01:30:02.200 --> 01:30:04.680
And then through all the torment of the trauma stuff,

1203
01:30:04.680 --> 01:30:06.840
I was just like, I don't even know what to believe.

1204
01:30:06.840 --> 01:30:07.880
I feel like I'm spinning.

1205
01:30:07.880 --> 01:30:12.440
So to have the detail and the freedom of the gospel

1206
01:30:12.440 --> 01:30:14.440
presented at the same time,

1207
01:30:14.440 --> 01:30:16.000
that's like, oh my goodness,

1208
01:30:16.000 --> 01:30:17.760
I can get out of the cloud of confusion

1209
01:30:17.760 --> 01:30:19.800
of this person's opinion and that theology

1210
01:30:19.800 --> 01:30:20.640
and that theology,

1211
01:30:20.640 --> 01:30:23.280
because you're not just detailing it one time,

1212
01:30:23.280 --> 01:30:25.960
each and every time you're teaching,

1213
01:30:25.960 --> 01:30:29.760
you're detailing that particular talk or whatever,

1214
01:30:29.760 --> 01:30:32.320
and then that adds up with all these other talks

1215
01:30:32.320 --> 01:30:35.360
and you start to get the big picture with detail.

1216
01:30:35.360 --> 01:30:37.040
Yeah. Oh, well, I appreciate it.

1217
01:30:37.040 --> 01:30:40.000
I'm like, that's what I'm trying to do, but yes.

1218
01:30:40.000 --> 01:30:40.840
You're amazing.

1219
01:30:40.840 --> 01:30:42.280
You're an amazing communicator.

1220
01:30:42.280 --> 01:30:43.120
For some people.

1221
01:30:44.040 --> 01:30:45.320
Only some people like it.

1222
01:30:45.320 --> 01:30:46.800
Others just get frustrated.

1223
01:30:48.040 --> 01:30:48.880
That's funny.

1224
01:30:48.880 --> 01:30:49.720
I never even thought of that,

1225
01:30:49.720 --> 01:30:52.080
but yeah, you're an amazing communicator and teacher.

1226
01:30:52.080 --> 01:30:53.520
Definitely very gifted.

1227
01:30:53.520 --> 01:30:56.680
Is that your number one five-fold gift, would you say?

1228
01:30:57.680 --> 01:30:58.840
Probably, yeah.

1229
01:30:58.840 --> 01:30:59.840
Yeah, I'd be teaching.

1230
01:30:59.840 --> 01:31:02.680
Yeah, that's where it's a big part of, yeah.

1231
01:31:02.680 --> 01:31:03.960
Yeah, it's a big part of my heart.

1232
01:31:03.960 --> 01:31:07.120
Yeah, it's probably definitely the teaching.

1233
01:31:07.120 --> 01:31:08.920
But the other thing that I was going to say,

1234
01:31:08.920 --> 01:31:10.840
based off of the question you were asking me,

1235
01:31:10.840 --> 01:31:13.600
I wanted to make sure to answer your question

1236
01:31:13.600 --> 01:31:17.160
about like, well, what to do about like the fact of,

1237
01:31:17.160 --> 01:31:19.360
you know, kind of basically walk you through,

1238
01:31:19.360 --> 01:31:22.880
this is how I apply principles of heaven

1239
01:31:22.880 --> 01:31:24.920
into real life situations.

1240
01:31:24.920 --> 01:31:27.040
So again, this is not me telling you what to do.

1241
01:31:27.040 --> 01:31:30.360
This is just a perspective from which to view it.

1242
01:31:30.360 --> 01:31:32.760
I wanted you to share, but I didn't want to ask you to,

1243
01:31:32.760 --> 01:31:34.520
and I didn't realize you were intending

1244
01:31:34.520 --> 01:31:35.960
to share like an example.

1245
01:31:35.960 --> 01:31:37.000
So go ahead.

1246
01:31:37.000 --> 01:31:39.280
Yeah, well, I wasn't going to

1247
01:31:39.280 --> 01:31:41.400
because I really try to avoid this kind of thing

1248
01:31:41.400 --> 01:31:43.440
because I want people to come to their own conclusions.

1249
01:31:43.440 --> 01:31:45.880
And I don't, I want to show them again,

1250
01:31:45.880 --> 01:31:50.120
like principles of like how to approach it

1251
01:31:50.120 --> 01:31:52.440
so that they can make the decision.

1252
01:31:53.000 --> 01:31:54.480
And, but at the same time,

1253
01:31:54.480 --> 01:31:57.000
sometimes people just kind of need

1254
01:31:57.000 --> 01:31:58.840
to have a bit of a grounding of like, okay,

1255
01:31:58.840 --> 01:32:01.200
so like practically speaking, what are you talking about?

1256
01:32:01.200 --> 01:32:02.680
So here's an example.

1257
01:32:02.680 --> 01:32:04.840
So say for instance, the way that I,

1258
01:32:04.840 --> 01:32:07.560
me not being in your situation, me being on the outside,

1259
01:32:07.560 --> 01:32:09.960
this is how I think that I might handle it

1260
01:32:09.960 --> 01:32:11.720
because this is how I do it.

1261
01:32:11.720 --> 01:32:15.200
This is how I handle these types of situations.

1262
01:32:15.200 --> 01:32:18.760
So with him like saying, with the judge saying like,

1263
01:32:18.760 --> 01:32:20.760
oh, well, you have to do this texting app and da da da,

1264
01:32:20.760 --> 01:32:23.200
and you're like, where, well, should I sign or not?

1265
01:32:23.200 --> 01:32:24.440
Well, one of the things is like,

1266
01:32:24.440 --> 01:32:26.120
well, why can't you present?

1267
01:32:26.120 --> 01:32:28.880
And meaning like, why can't you meaning like

1268
01:32:28.880 --> 01:32:31.400
from God's perspective, from principle of the kingdom

1269
01:32:31.400 --> 01:32:35.120
of heaven and principles of the earth that you're in,

1270
01:32:35.120 --> 01:32:36.960
what, you know, you can,

1271
01:32:36.960 --> 01:32:39.560
what I would do personally is I would have like,

1272
01:32:39.560 --> 01:32:44.240
well, I'm going to present an alternative

1273
01:32:44.240 --> 01:32:45.920
because that doesn't sound good.

1274
01:32:45.920 --> 01:32:47.960
I really don't want to be in that kind of a situation.

1275
01:32:47.960 --> 01:32:49.640
It doesn't sound healthy.

1276
01:32:49.680 --> 01:32:52.160
You know, whether or not the judge knows that I know it.

1277
01:32:52.160 --> 01:32:54.840
And so I would like to present to my lawyer,

1278
01:32:54.840 --> 01:32:58.840
to present to the judge, hey, could we have these conditions?

1279
01:32:58.840 --> 01:33:00.520
Now the thing, or, you know,

1280
01:33:00.520 --> 01:33:02.480
I think that these conditions are important.

1281
01:33:02.480 --> 01:33:04.160
This is why da da da.

1282
01:33:04.160 --> 01:33:07.800
If you can't, you know, if you're like,

1283
01:33:07.800 --> 01:33:11.080
if there's no room, if it's either you sign

1284
01:33:11.080 --> 01:33:13.080
on the dotted line or you say no,

1285
01:33:13.080 --> 01:33:15.640
and there's no quote unquote negotiation,

1286
01:33:15.640 --> 01:33:18.040
well, then what I just do is I just present it

1287
01:33:18.040 --> 01:33:18.880
before the Lord.

1288
01:33:19.200 --> 01:33:20.120
I say, Lord, I'm quote unquote

1289
01:33:20.120 --> 01:33:22.320
between a rock and a hard place.

1290
01:33:22.320 --> 01:33:25.040
You know, where it's like, I don't want to do this.

1291
01:33:25.040 --> 01:33:28.000
And I feel, I feel threatened, Lord.

1292
01:33:28.000 --> 01:33:32.040
I feel that there is a potential for amazing damage,

1293
01:33:33.080 --> 01:33:35.600
but at the same time, Lord,

1294
01:33:35.600 --> 01:33:37.720
what would the damage be if I said no?

1295
01:33:37.720 --> 01:33:40.000
So Lord, what do you want me to do?

1296
01:33:40.000 --> 01:33:42.520
And then, and then also though,

1297
01:33:42.520 --> 01:33:45.520
one of the things to think about is whenever,

1298
01:33:45.520 --> 01:33:46.760
when this is one of the things

1299
01:33:46.760 --> 01:33:48.880
that I have to be aware of with myself

1300
01:33:48.880 --> 01:33:53.880
and I have to catch myself is when we're,

1301
01:33:53.960 --> 01:33:55.640
we're first presented with something,

1302
01:33:55.640 --> 01:34:00.400
our immediate reaction is resistance, is absolutely no.

1303
01:34:00.400 --> 01:34:01.240
Why?

1304
01:34:01.240 --> 01:34:03.480
Because especially over analyzers

1305
01:34:03.480 --> 01:34:08.320
and people that have had a lot of damaged, damaged pasts,

1306
01:34:08.320 --> 01:34:11.120
meaning like they've had a lot of bad experiences,

1307
01:34:11.120 --> 01:34:12.400
they've had a lot of hurt,

1308
01:34:12.400 --> 01:34:15.280
they have come, they've become very, very good

1309
01:34:15.280 --> 01:34:19.400
at quickly being able to predict the level of risk.

1310
01:34:19.400 --> 01:34:21.080
And so in your thinking,

1311
01:34:21.080 --> 01:34:22.680
you're always taking every situation

1312
01:34:22.680 --> 01:34:25.160
and you're projecting it way out to determine,

1313
01:34:25.160 --> 01:34:27.840
okay, where could following through with this,

1314
01:34:27.840 --> 01:34:29.120
what could this cause?

1315
01:34:29.120 --> 01:34:31.800
What problems or harm could this cause?

1316
01:34:31.800 --> 01:34:34.720
Well, while that can be good,

1317
01:34:34.720 --> 01:34:36.400
what we have to be careful of

1318
01:34:36.400 --> 01:34:41.400
is that we're not trying to, that,

1319
01:34:41.720 --> 01:34:42.680
well, multiple things.

1320
01:34:42.720 --> 01:34:45.440
I'm trying to make this as simple and easy as possible.

1321
01:34:45.440 --> 01:34:47.960
One of them is that we don't want to take on

1322
01:34:47.960 --> 01:34:49.160
too much at one time

1323
01:34:49.160 --> 01:34:52.640
and make one situation bigger than it actually is.

1324
01:34:52.640 --> 01:34:56.440
For instance, and like try to take on

1325
01:34:56.440 --> 01:34:58.720
too much pain at one time.

1326
01:34:58.720 --> 01:35:00.040
It's kind of like,

1327
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.740
being afraid of a childbirth and then, or being in the middle of childbirth.

1328
01:35:05.580 --> 01:35:08.820
And then you're trying to, and you're thinking, oh my word, I can't keep doing

1329
01:35:08.820 --> 01:35:11.220
this, you know, I can't do it for another 10 hours.

1330
01:35:11.260 --> 01:35:14.640
Imagine if you knew while you're in labor that you have to do it for another 10

1331
01:35:14.640 --> 01:35:18.260
hours, well, then you're just going to be, you're, you're trying to take on that

1332
01:35:18.260 --> 01:35:20.260
moment and you're multiplying it.

1333
01:35:20.820 --> 01:35:22.620
And, and what is that called?

1334
01:35:22.660 --> 01:35:26.160
Uh, and compounding it for another 10 hours.

1335
01:35:26.460 --> 01:35:28.360
And then you're trying to emotionally handle that.

1336
01:35:28.360 --> 01:35:29.820
And you're like, I can't do that right now.

1337
01:35:30.060 --> 01:35:32.860
But, you know, God didn't give you the 10 hours in one moment.

1338
01:35:33.300 --> 01:35:34.560
He just gave you that moment.

1339
01:35:35.080 --> 01:35:36.360
You just go through that moment.

1340
01:35:36.640 --> 01:35:39.640
And then the next moment that comes, you know, the other moment has passed.

1341
01:35:39.640 --> 01:35:42.360
So you no longer have to deal with that, but now you have to deal with this moment.

1342
01:35:42.880 --> 01:35:47.480
And that's, and so it's that kind of a thing of that's kind of how I approach

1343
01:35:47.480 --> 01:35:52.460
these types of situations whenever I'm presented with a, like, actually we need

1344
01:35:52.460 --> 01:35:54.880
you to do this or, or whatever.

1345
01:35:54.880 --> 01:35:57.420
And I'm just thinking, oh my word, this is so awful.

1346
01:35:57.740 --> 01:36:00.180
I have to reduce it down to a moment.

1347
01:36:00.660 --> 01:36:02.380
I'm like, no, it's just right now.

1348
01:36:02.420 --> 01:36:03.780
It's just this moment.

1349
01:36:04.380 --> 01:36:11.900
It's not, I don't have to try to deal with all of the potential damage that

1350
01:36:11.900 --> 01:36:15.380
could result and try to deal with all of that right now, well, obviously

1351
01:36:15.380 --> 01:36:16.620
we're like, I can't do that.

1352
01:36:16.980 --> 01:36:18.340
It's going to be bad X, Y, and Z.

1353
01:36:18.340 --> 01:36:20.980
So that's one thing is just take on the moment.

1354
01:36:20.980 --> 01:36:23.500
It's just realize, okay, it's just one text at a time.

1355
01:36:23.780 --> 01:36:25.060
It's just one thing at a time.

1356
01:36:25.060 --> 01:36:27.140
You deal with it and you let it go and you have to deal with it.

1357
01:36:27.140 --> 01:36:30.780
And you have to ask the Lord, help me, Lord, teach me how to, how to let that go.

1358
01:36:30.780 --> 01:36:34.100
In other words, move through it and rest new through chaos and rest.

1359
01:36:34.420 --> 01:36:39.340
The other thing is just because that's happened in the past where what it is

1360
01:36:39.340 --> 01:36:43.900
that you're predicting could happen doesn't mean that it will this time.

1361
01:36:44.300 --> 01:36:47.500
Because this is a different time for you to write a different record with the

1362
01:36:47.500 --> 01:36:52.340
Lord and you never know what he's going to do so he could short circuit it next week.

1363
01:36:52.820 --> 01:36:57.020
Well, if you knew that it was short circuited next week, wouldn't

1364
01:36:57.020 --> 01:36:58.500
you write on the dotted line today?

1365
01:36:58.500 --> 01:36:59.500
And I was like, absolutely.

1366
01:36:59.500 --> 01:37:00.900
Let's just get this thing done.

1367
01:37:01.380 --> 01:37:04.300
But what hard is not being in the unknown.

1368
01:37:04.820 --> 01:37:07.140
And then we're trying to protect ourselves.

1369
01:37:07.140 --> 01:37:10.540
See, this is an aspect of self-protection where we're

1370
01:37:10.540 --> 01:37:13.100
trying to project into the unknown.

1371
01:37:13.620 --> 01:37:16.180
And it's kind of like, take all of that on.

1372
01:37:16.220 --> 01:37:18.660
And we're just trying to protect ourselves from something that we're

1373
01:37:18.660 --> 01:37:22.820
having to forecast that we don't know for sure is going to happen.

1374
01:37:23.060 --> 01:37:26.780
So anyway, so I just kind of like work through all of that and kind of like,

1375
01:37:26.780 --> 01:37:32.340
okay, well, Lord, if I, if I don't, if you don't tell me a specific, like

1376
01:37:32.340 --> 01:37:36.180
say for instance, that you're told no about the negotiation and you're like,

1377
01:37:36.180 --> 01:37:40.460
okay, well then apparently Lord, Lord, is there a, do I, which option

1378
01:37:40.460 --> 01:37:42.220
do I do, or is there a third option?

1379
01:37:43.140 --> 01:37:46.100
And ask, and just ask the Lord, is there, is there something,

1380
01:37:46.140 --> 01:37:47.220
you know, what do you want me to do?

1381
01:37:47.940 --> 01:37:52.460
And then if he doesn't give you anything, then what I personally would do is I'm

1382
01:37:52.460 --> 01:37:56.420
like, okay, well, what are the pros and, you know, from a worldly perspective,

1383
01:37:56.420 --> 01:38:01.100
what do you think of the pros and cons being like, okay, well, if I, if I do

1384
01:38:01.100 --> 01:38:04.740
this, you know, if I, if I sign on the dotted line, sure, there's the potential

1385
01:38:04.740 --> 01:38:08.740
of all of this stuff, but God could choose to, to short circuit it in a week.

1386
01:38:09.540 --> 01:38:15.060
Um, or, um, uh, you know, and I can just handle it kind of like, you know, moment

1387
01:38:15.060 --> 01:38:20.660
by moment, because if I don't, then I could be in contempt of court and then

1388
01:38:20.660 --> 01:38:27.540
it could just look like, he's, um, like I am proving to the court that I'm as

1389
01:38:27.540 --> 01:38:35.020
difficult as ever, you know, so that's just kind of like what I would kind of

1390
01:38:35.020 --> 01:38:39.700
like work through because again, that's if God hasn't told me specifically what

1391
01:38:39.700 --> 01:38:43.820
to do, like, okay, well then he's given me a brain just, you know, and there's

1392
01:38:43.820 --> 01:38:47.020
nothing wrong with my brain and there's nothing wrong with, with whatever.

1393
01:38:47.020 --> 01:38:51.460
So I'm, I'm declaring that God is who he says that he is, that he's not abandoned

1394
01:38:51.460 --> 01:38:54.340
me, that he is protecting me, that he is providing for me.

1395
01:38:54.340 --> 01:38:57.940
And one of the means by which he's protecting and providing for me is

1396
01:38:57.940 --> 01:39:01.660
he's given me a brain like, okay, Lord, I am doing this with you.

1397
01:39:01.700 --> 01:39:05.660
I am not believing that you've abandoned me to figure this out on my own.

1398
01:39:05.980 --> 01:39:10.780
I believe you're with me and you're, and you're just allowing me to use my brain

1399
01:39:10.780 --> 01:39:15.020
and you're working with my brain for us to decide together how we want to handle

1400
01:39:15.020 --> 01:39:19.660
this, as opposed to you believing that you're alone, having to figure it out.

1401
01:39:20.020 --> 01:39:22.300
No God, you and I are figuring this out together.

1402
01:39:22.580 --> 01:39:26.140
I just can't hear your voice right now, but you and I are doing this together.

1403
01:39:26.140 --> 01:39:27.900
And that's what I'm coming into agreement with.

1404
01:39:28.260 --> 01:39:31.860
And so I'm going to figure, you know, so you kind of think through it and then

1405
01:39:31.860 --> 01:39:34.540
you ask the Lord for his, for his help.

1406
01:39:34.860 --> 01:39:37.580
I'm like, okay, God, I don't know how I would be able to live with this.

1407
01:39:37.820 --> 01:39:40.420
I didn't know how I'd be able to handle it, but will you help me?

1408
01:39:40.900 --> 01:39:44.580
And the whole step of the way you're always coming into agreement with God,

1409
01:39:44.580 --> 01:39:46.740
you're good, God, you are going to help me.

1410
01:39:46.980 --> 01:39:49.300
God, you're going to, you're going to strengthen me.

1411
01:39:49.300 --> 01:39:50.660
God, you're going to be with me.

1412
01:39:50.660 --> 01:39:52.620
God, you are da, da, da, da, da, da.

1413
01:39:53.060 --> 01:39:55.780
And you don't have to verbally say all these things to yourself.

1414
01:39:57.100 --> 01:40:00.060
Been wondering, like, is it, you know, when I asked about how do you pray early?

1415
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.280
There's like, you say you are, and I am, and kind of declare in those situations.

1416
01:40:05.280 --> 01:40:09.840
And I think you do whatever your soul needs, because the whole point is to get

1417
01:40:09.840 --> 01:40:15.560
your intention to be directed towards something you make an internal decision.

1418
01:40:15.560 --> 01:40:19.320
You own yourself, you own your decision and you direct it towards something.

1419
01:40:19.320 --> 01:40:21.000
You're like, no, this is what I choose.

1420
01:40:21.760 --> 01:40:26.760
And then, and if your soul is struggling so hard, because maybe for instance, this

1421
01:40:27.200 --> 01:40:32.320
you've never agreed with the Lord that he is what he says that he is before, like

1422
01:40:32.320 --> 01:40:36.200
in a particular area or to a particular degree, you believed him to a particular

1423
01:40:36.200 --> 01:40:40.760
degree, but now you're stretching to believe him even more, that's new for you.

1424
01:40:41.160 --> 01:40:48.080
And so if your soul can't just choose it, then you figure out what can I do with my

1425
01:40:48.080 --> 01:40:52.040
soul that'll help my soul know that it's making a choice.

1426
01:40:52.320 --> 01:40:54.320
And so sometimes you say it out loud.

1427
01:40:54.480 --> 01:40:58.200
That's what, that's the point of declarations, by the way, it's just to

1428
01:40:58.200 --> 01:41:03.600
give your soul an anchor to, to help itself move forward, to be something, to

1429
01:41:03.600 --> 01:41:08.680
be able to associate its intention with and move forward with it is so if you

1430
01:41:08.680 --> 01:41:13.400
say it out loud, sometimes it helps us connect with an idea and to help decide

1431
01:41:13.400 --> 01:41:17.640
on it, you can decide on it without verbalizing it to yourself, do it.

1432
01:41:18.000 --> 01:41:20.640
The whole point is make a solid decision.

1433
01:41:20.640 --> 01:41:24.200
I have a friend, um, well, Chris, Chris Blackaby, you know, who the guy that I,

1434
01:41:24.240 --> 01:41:30.120
um, I, that referenced about three realms and everything the way that he refers to

1435
01:41:30.120 --> 01:41:33.880
it as he's in, when he was talking to me about these kinds of things, he's like,

1436
01:41:33.880 --> 01:41:36.360
Ashley, you need to make a strong decision.

1437
01:41:37.080 --> 01:41:41.680
He's like, you don't, he's like, you have to own your decision before God.

1438
01:41:42.120 --> 01:41:44.840
When you were making a decision, you have to be strong.

1439
01:41:44.840 --> 01:41:47.960
You have it meaning like you have to, you can't be waffly about it.

1440
01:41:48.360 --> 01:41:51.960
You have to own it before God, like God, this is what I decide.

1441
01:41:51.960 --> 01:41:52.960
And I'm moving forward.

1442
01:41:53.920 --> 01:41:57.680
And, um, and so anyway, so that's what it is that I recommend.

1443
01:41:57.680 --> 01:42:01.320
So you're trying to figure out how can you get your soul to make, to be strong

1444
01:42:01.320 --> 01:42:05.760
in what it's deciding that you're making a decision now, I don't mean making

1445
01:42:05.760 --> 01:42:08.840
a decision again, uh, apart from God, right.

1446
01:42:09.320 --> 01:42:13.320
About you're, you're with him, you know, you're including him in everything.

1447
01:42:13.320 --> 01:42:16.040
You believe that he hasn't abandoned you and you're choosing that.

1448
01:42:16.520 --> 01:42:19.240
You strongly make a decision towards something.

1449
01:42:19.520 --> 01:42:24.160
So if you're struggling to be strong in it, if you're struggling to choose it,

1450
01:42:24.240 --> 01:42:28.360
in other words, if you're struggling to make a decision, like, and be solid in

1451
01:42:28.360 --> 01:42:33.720
it and you kind of feel waffly about it, think of what your soul needs in order

1452
01:42:33.720 --> 01:42:39.000
to kind of anchor itself and be like, no, this is a choice for me.

1453
01:42:39.120 --> 01:42:40.720
I'm making, this is real.

1454
01:42:41.200 --> 01:42:42.760
Otherwise it can kind of feel fake.

1455
01:42:42.760 --> 01:42:46.560
It can kind of feel vague and floaty and like this concept.

1456
01:42:46.880 --> 01:42:50.720
So to kind of even that you're kind of like, even maybe feel like it's not

1457
01:42:50.720 --> 01:42:53.120
really your decision, like you're just going along with it.

1458
01:42:53.520 --> 01:42:54.480
Yeah, exactly.

1459
01:42:54.480 --> 01:42:57.000
You're just kind of like going along with it or you're trying to live

1460
01:42:57.000 --> 01:42:59.120
vicariously through God's declaration.

1461
01:42:59.640 --> 01:43:01.000
Vicariously through God's will.

1462
01:43:01.000 --> 01:43:01.880
Well, God said it.

1463
01:43:01.880 --> 01:43:02.880
So I guess it'll happen.

1464
01:43:02.880 --> 01:43:04.480
And God's like, no, you need to choose.

1465
01:43:04.760 --> 01:43:08.160
You need to make this choice in order for that thing that I declared

1466
01:43:08.160 --> 01:43:09.680
to get to happen in your life.

1467
01:43:10.000 --> 01:43:13.880
You have to, you have to like intentionally grab ahold of the

1468
01:43:13.880 --> 01:43:17.680
thing and decide that this is what you want in your kingdom too.

1469
01:43:18.200 --> 01:43:21.800
Um, in other words, for me to be good in your life, for me to be loving,

1470
01:43:21.800 --> 01:43:25.360
for me to protect, for me to provide, you don't get to choose how I protect

1471
01:43:25.360 --> 01:43:27.160
and provide, but you choose that.

1472
01:43:27.160 --> 01:43:28.960
I am that thing in your kingdom.

1473
01:43:28.960 --> 01:43:31.200
And then I get to operate like that in your kingdom.

1474
01:43:31.600 --> 01:43:32.920
We have to make that choice.

1475
01:43:33.280 --> 01:43:36.040
So anyway, that's what it is that I would do.

1476
01:43:36.040 --> 01:43:41.080
And that's how it is that I would move, uh, how I move forward is, um, is doing

1477
01:43:41.080 --> 01:43:43.000
those is doing it, that kind of thing.

1478
01:43:43.000 --> 01:43:49.520
It's not villainizing or vilifying, um, the, the creation that I'm in.

1479
01:43:50.040 --> 01:43:53.080
I'm in a, you know, I'm in a world in which the court systems work.

1480
01:43:53.200 --> 01:43:58.600
So I'm like, okay, well, there's a lot of these things are like the foundation

1481
01:43:58.600 --> 01:44:01.360
of it is something that God created and he said, it's very good.

1482
01:44:01.560 --> 01:44:04.880
So taking that in mind, I can use it.

1483
01:44:04.880 --> 01:44:09.000
What is it that I I'm within rights to try to negotiate.

1484
01:44:09.400 --> 01:44:15.440
So I can try to negotiate if negotiations are not allowed and that does not follow

1485
01:44:15.440 --> 01:44:22.520
the rules and God isn't, doesn't make way for the rules to be, for you to be able

1486
01:44:22.520 --> 01:44:26.160
to negotiate, if he doesn't like change the rules for you or something like, okay,

1487
01:44:26.560 --> 01:44:28.120
then God, nothing's moved.

1488
01:44:28.480 --> 01:44:30.920
So I'm asking you to move things on me on my behalf.

1489
01:44:31.240 --> 01:44:34.520
And if things still aren't moving, well then Lord, which decisions should I make?

1490
01:44:34.880 --> 01:44:38.040
One, two, or maybe some optional three that I hadn't thought of yet.

1491
01:44:38.520 --> 01:44:41.640
You know, and then you just, and you just go with that.

1492
01:44:41.720 --> 01:44:45.840
And if he doesn't say something point blank, well, then you just tell him, okay,

1493
01:44:45.840 --> 01:44:50.320
well then Lord, you know, let's, you know, let's use, what have you given me?

1494
01:44:50.560 --> 01:44:51.720
Well, you've given me a brain.

1495
01:44:51.760 --> 01:44:52.720
You've given me knowledge.

1496
01:44:52.720 --> 01:44:53.800
You've given me a lawyer.

1497
01:44:53.840 --> 01:44:55.600
You've given me the ability to research.

1498
01:44:55.920 --> 01:44:59.400
So I'm going to see, you know, okay, well, what, what is it?

1499
01:44:59.440 --> 01:44:59.960
What does this?

1500
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:06.380
situation look like make a decision from, you know, from there, but the whole time you

1501
01:45:06.380 --> 01:45:09.060
always choose that God is good.

1502
01:45:09.060 --> 01:45:14.260
Not that you are in, and that he's with you, not that you're in a position because God's

1503
01:45:14.260 --> 01:45:15.820
not good.

1504
01:45:15.820 --> 01:45:19.680
And these things are happening because God's not who he says that he is.

1505
01:45:19.680 --> 01:45:23.340
And I'm having to do this because God didn't show up.

1506
01:45:23.340 --> 01:45:26.900
That's what we not, that's what we do not want to come into agreement with.

1507
01:45:26.900 --> 01:45:29.380
We're trying to make a different choice this time.

1508
01:45:29.380 --> 01:45:30.380
Right.

1509
01:45:30.380 --> 01:45:31.380
Yeah.

1510
01:45:31.380 --> 01:45:32.380
It makes a lot of sense.

1511
01:45:32.380 --> 01:45:33.380
Yeah.

1512
01:45:33.380 --> 01:45:34.380
Wow.

1513
01:45:34.380 --> 01:45:35.380
That's really, really good.

1514
01:45:35.380 --> 01:45:38.460
I'm like, I hope I can remember that God, because here I have to pee and I didn't bring

1515
01:45:38.460 --> 01:45:43.660
a pencil and no, no, no, don't feel bad.

1516
01:45:43.660 --> 01:45:47.500
I'm just saying like I would have grabbed maybe my notebook to write some things down,

1517
01:45:47.500 --> 01:45:52.180
but I, well, remember that these are recorded and you have access to them.

1518
01:45:52.180 --> 01:45:54.060
Just you, no one else.

1519
01:45:54.060 --> 01:45:55.060
You have access to them.

1520
01:45:55.060 --> 01:45:58.820
If you go into the rest intensive members page and scroll all the way to the bottom

1521
01:45:58.820 --> 01:46:03.260
and click on your name, or if you just click on rest intensive program and look at the

1522
01:46:03.260 --> 01:46:05.420
dropdown list, okay.

1523
01:46:05.420 --> 01:46:09.880
Right below rest intensive members page, right below that it says transformation sessions.

1524
01:46:09.880 --> 01:46:14.340
Click on that, scroll down, click on your name, and then you get to these recordings.

1525
01:46:14.340 --> 01:46:15.340
Yeah.

1526
01:46:15.340 --> 01:46:16.340
That's going to be awesome.

1527
01:46:16.340 --> 01:46:17.340
Super helpful.

1528
01:46:17.340 --> 01:46:21.540
I didn't want to pressure you to do it too fast of a turnaround, but I know we're probably

1529
01:46:21.540 --> 01:46:26.100
either going to be asked to make a decision tomorrow, or if I can put it off till Monday,

1530
01:46:26.100 --> 01:46:27.100
I'm not sure yet.

1531
01:46:27.100 --> 01:46:31.620
So, but that, that would be awesome because yeah, I would like to listen through again,

1532
01:46:31.620 --> 01:46:34.340
just because there's so many relevant things that we're talking about that are current,

1533
01:46:34.340 --> 01:46:35.340
you know, current.

1534
01:46:35.340 --> 01:46:39.500
It, you know, issues and things, decisions and things that I'm making, but also for Nick

1535
01:46:39.500 --> 01:46:46.180
to join in and kind of know where, where I'm at in that process too would be awesome.

1536
01:46:46.180 --> 01:46:47.180
Yeah.

1537
01:46:47.180 --> 01:46:50.540
And one more thing that I wanted to make sure that you were aware of and that I announced

1538
01:46:50.540 --> 01:46:52.100
to everybody else last night.

1539
01:46:52.100 --> 01:46:56.220
And that is the fact that if you go to the rest intensive members page, and then you

1540
01:46:56.220 --> 01:47:01.540
look at the second button right there near the top, it'll say like, uh, continue the

1541
01:47:01.540 --> 01:47:04.540
journey or join us to continue the journey at it.

1542
01:47:04.540 --> 01:47:10.020
Remember whatever it was, I'm going to do an, uh, I kept having people contact me saying,

1543
01:47:10.020 --> 01:47:13.540
Hey, they want to continue, but they were wondering how can we keep doing this now that

1544
01:47:13.540 --> 01:47:15.060
the program is over?

1545
01:47:15.060 --> 01:47:16.060
I agree.

1546
01:47:16.060 --> 01:47:17.060
Yeah.

1547
01:47:17.060 --> 01:47:21.620
So what I did is I, I created an offer yesterday and presented it to everyone on our side chat

1548
01:47:21.620 --> 01:47:26.860
for the rest lifestyle or for last, maybe, so it's called the rest lifestyle.

1549
01:47:26.860 --> 01:47:28.100
So you can look at that page.

1550
01:47:28.100 --> 01:47:31.300
I know you have to go cause you need to go to the bathroom, but I just want to just keep

1551
01:47:31.300 --> 01:47:32.820
going cause I can hold it.

1552
01:47:32.820 --> 01:47:33.820
Okay.

1553
01:47:33.820 --> 01:47:34.820
Wow.

1554
01:47:34.820 --> 01:47:35.820
You're stronger than me.

1555
01:47:35.820 --> 01:47:41.140
So the rest lifestyle is about going through the, uh, interest rest series, like the last

1556
01:47:41.140 --> 01:47:47.060
half of it, which is how to, he just healing body and soul through the spirit operating

1557
01:47:47.060 --> 01:47:49.060
spirit, you know, et cetera.

1558
01:47:49.060 --> 01:47:52.020
Now you already have access to all of those teachings.

1559
01:47:52.020 --> 01:47:55.940
So for you and Carrie, I'm doing something different because y'all is lifetime members.

1560
01:47:55.940 --> 01:48:01.260
I gave y'all a special package where when you got that, you also got, you got the entire

1561
01:48:01.260 --> 01:48:02.260
series.

1562
01:48:02.260 --> 01:48:05.220
You didn't just get the first seven sessions, right?

1563
01:48:05.220 --> 01:48:10.180
So y'all, um, so anyway, what I'm offering this to everyone else is all of this stuff

1564
01:48:10.220 --> 01:48:11.900
that you can look at on the page.

1565
01:48:11.900 --> 01:48:16.540
Like, you know, we would only, we would be doing one fireside chat, um, on Thursday nights

1566
01:48:16.540 --> 01:48:22.140
and then the rest groups on, um, um, trying to decide, I don't know, it's either going

1567
01:48:22.140 --> 01:48:23.340
to be Sunday or Monday night.

1568
01:48:23.340 --> 01:48:27.460
I'll make a decision hopefully today about, um, in the end.

1569
01:48:27.460 --> 01:48:31.940
So it's just twice a week and it's from now until the end of December.

1570
01:48:31.940 --> 01:48:36.020
Now we're not going to meet every single week because obviously we have Thanksgiving and

1571
01:48:36.020 --> 01:48:37.340
we have Christmas.

1572
01:48:37.340 --> 01:48:41.460
So it's going to be a bit shorter, but at least everybody can stay in community for

1573
01:48:41.460 --> 01:48:42.460
six weeks.

1574
01:48:42.460 --> 01:48:48.820
I'm going to do a blessing your spirit every, every day for 40 days on there.

1575
01:48:48.820 --> 01:48:53.580
And, um, uh, in which I'm going to be speaking and declaring a blessing over everyone's spirit.

1576
01:48:53.580 --> 01:48:56.460
And I'll post that then.

1577
01:48:56.460 --> 01:48:58.460
And then there's like lifetime access to all those teachings.

1578
01:48:58.460 --> 01:49:03.220
And then obviously in the Facebook community, people have had to have access to the, um,

1579
01:49:03.220 --> 01:49:06.100
uh, you know, be doing live teachings.

1580
01:49:06.100 --> 01:49:11.820
So the, the thing is obviously you as a lifetime member, you have access to, to the community

1581
01:49:11.820 --> 01:49:12.820
already.

1582
01:49:12.820 --> 01:49:16.940
You already have access to any teachings that I post, you know, in the community, but the

1583
01:49:16.940 --> 01:49:21.940
fireside chats and the rest groups, no one participated in those except you and Carrie.

1584
01:49:21.940 --> 01:49:27.540
And so I decided, you know, um, I'm these, this is just, I realized last time it was

1585
01:49:27.540 --> 01:49:30.340
just something extra I threw in, in this.

1586
01:49:30.340 --> 01:49:34.220
And so I decided this time that the fireside chats and the rest groups are just going to

1587
01:49:34.220 --> 01:49:37.500
be for those that actually decide to join the rest lifestyle.

1588
01:49:37.500 --> 01:49:40.660
Um, that's what all of that is.

1589
01:49:40.660 --> 01:49:46.340
There's also a transformation session that's available, um, for, for each person.

1590
01:49:46.340 --> 01:49:50.460
So that is four 95 for one person.

1591
01:49:50.460 --> 01:49:56.300
And then one, what is it one 75 for the spouse, but that's different for you and Carrie for

1592
01:49:56.300 --> 01:49:57.300
you and Carrie.

1593
01:49:57.300 --> 01:49:59.980
You already have the inner.

1594
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.280
rest, you already have lifetime access to the inner his rest advanced series, which is the last six.

1595
01:50:05.280 --> 01:50:12.880
So for y'all, it would just be 300 and only 125 for the spouse. So y'all's is like a half less.

1596
01:50:12.880 --> 01:50:18.240
Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I definitely want to do it. I mean, I definitely 300 instead of 500.

1597
01:50:19.680 --> 01:50:25.760
I already have four people signed up. Yeah. Like to join us y'all feel free to, um, but you would

1598
01:50:25.760 --> 01:50:31.200
need a special, we'd have to just do it specially since that link would be, it's a four 95 link.

1599
01:50:31.200 --> 01:50:36.880
So you just let me know if y'all would like to do it, you or y'all, whichever. Yeah. But I wanted

1600
01:50:36.880 --> 01:50:42.160
to make sure that you were up to date since you weren't so, so happy. I'm like, we we've been

1601
01:50:42.160 --> 01:50:47.040
praying. And, you know, honestly, since we met with you and Ed just saying like, Lord, you know,

1602
01:50:47.040 --> 01:50:51.840
I mean, obviously there's no pressure and if he doesn't, you know, lead, lead them to this,

1603
01:50:51.840 --> 01:50:55.520
or it's not right for them or whatever, that's okay. But we would just love to keep meeting

1604
01:50:55.520 --> 01:50:59.440
with them, you know, and even if whatever that could look like after the rest intensive,

1605
01:50:59.440 --> 01:51:04.160
like to have a one-on-one, even if it was like a monthly, you know, thing, or if that's too much,

1606
01:51:04.160 --> 01:51:10.400
you know, I could talk about something else, but even just some, some kind of like regular,

1607
01:51:10.400 --> 01:51:15.440
you know, kind of discipleship, you know, mentorship, whatever you would call it, um,

1608
01:51:15.440 --> 01:51:19.600
to continue on. So I'm glad you're doing this. And it sounds like that's, I didn't know that

1609
01:51:19.600 --> 01:51:22.480
you would, because I knew you'd been pouring yourself out so much. I thought you might need

1610
01:51:22.480 --> 01:51:25.600
a break for the holidays, but, you know, I was just like, Lord, I just really feel like

1611
01:51:26.240 --> 01:51:33.520
over and over that since that night, you know, at least ask you about that, um, to pray on it

1612
01:51:33.520 --> 01:51:38.720
or to consider. And now in light of this, I think we would just join this and be part of,

1613
01:51:39.360 --> 01:51:43.840
you know, what you're doing. And we would get to meet with you once more. I mean, I don't know if

1614
01:51:43.840 --> 01:51:48.800
that's possible that if not, it's, I'm totally happy to meet with you alone, um, for the

1615
01:51:48.800 --> 01:51:54.320
transformation session before, you know, the new year. Um, and then maybe we can go from there to,

1616
01:51:54.320 --> 01:51:59.280
you know, if you close everything out and you all still feel like you have any capacity or,

1617
01:51:59.280 --> 01:52:03.520
you know, a heart to meet, um, once a month, that's a couple or something we would pay you

1618
01:52:03.520 --> 01:52:07.280
for those transformation sessions. But I definitely think we want to continue on

1619
01:52:07.280 --> 01:52:11.520
and we wanted to find a way to make that work. So this is great. This is awesome news.

1620
01:52:12.080 --> 01:52:17.680
Great. Yeah. Well, just, just, um, let me know if, um, or maybe that was you finally let it,

1621
01:52:17.680 --> 01:52:21.680
you know, letting me know y'all's final decision, but I was going to say, you just let me know what

1622
01:52:21.680 --> 01:52:28.000
y'all would like to do. I'm obviously available for transformation sessions anytime. Um, and then

1623
01:52:28.000 --> 01:52:32.480
Ed though, it's just someone I'd have to coordinate schedule with. So I needed to talk to him to see

1624
01:52:32.480 --> 01:52:37.840
how he's, you know, available, um, and all of that, but, um, mentioned something to him and,

1625
01:52:37.840 --> 01:52:43.360
and, um, and, uh, so anyway, but yeah, but no, no pressure, like I said, but if you mentioned

1626
01:52:43.360 --> 01:52:48.640
something and there comes a time, you know, whether it's soon, um, before the end of the

1627
01:52:48.640 --> 01:52:55.280
year, or, you know, we wait till after the new year or whatever that, um, we'll just pray into

1628
01:52:55.280 --> 01:52:59.760
it and, and, you know, wait to hear from y'all if you feel led that way, but I will plan on signing

1629
01:52:59.760 --> 01:53:04.400
up and I'll, I'll run it by Nick, of course. Um, but I think he'll want to continue on. And then

1630
01:53:04.400 --> 01:53:08.640
will you tell me one more time where the pages with like the information I would need, um,

1631
01:53:09.520 --> 01:53:16.080
On the, the new lifestyle. Yeah. So, you know, it's just, I'm just offering it literally to

1632
01:53:16.080 --> 01:53:21.600
people who are in the rest intensive right now, not even to the lifetime members, just to those

1633
01:53:21.600 --> 01:53:25.520
who are in the rest intensive right now. And that obviously includes you and Carrie, but

1634
01:53:25.520 --> 01:53:30.240
when it's not to anybody else, and therefore that's the only way that you can access it.

1635
01:53:30.240 --> 01:53:34.400
So if you go to the rest intensive members page, which, you know, is where all of those

1636
01:53:34.640 --> 01:53:41.280
teachings are. If you go there and there's a button at the top, right under the trans schedule,

1637
01:53:41.280 --> 01:53:45.440
the transformation sessions button, right under that, it's something like join the,

1638
01:53:45.440 --> 01:53:50.720
continue the journey with the, with the rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. On that. That's the

1639
01:53:50.720 --> 01:53:56.480
way to get to that page. And I did that because y'all are the only ones who have access to that

1640
01:53:56.480 --> 01:54:01.040
offer. Okay. Perfect. Yeah. I know where you're talking about. I'll find where you're at. Yep.

1641
01:54:01.680 --> 01:54:06.640
And if you want to, if you want to sign up, remember that it's, it would just be 300 for,

1642
01:54:06.640 --> 01:54:12.640
for you and 125 for Nick, if you wanted to join. And then because those are special prices,

1643
01:54:12.640 --> 01:54:17.120
you would just do it through the usual link that you do with the rest with like that,

1644
01:54:17.120 --> 01:54:23.200
that you've paid me before through, uh, through PayPal. What is that? PayPal.com, Ashley Nicole

1645
01:54:23.200 --> 01:54:30.560
rest or something. It's the one. So you just have to, it's the, I think it's Ashley. I think it's

1646
01:54:30.560 --> 01:54:36.640
PayPal.com slash Ashley, Nicole rest. Okay. It's the one that you've always paid me on.

1647
01:54:36.640 --> 01:54:43.520
Okay. Yeah. As opposed to like a button on the website. So because y'all, this is a special

1648
01:54:43.520 --> 01:54:48.160
deal. So anyway. Okay. Thank you so much. Well, I appreciate you and all the extra

1649
01:54:48.800 --> 01:54:55.520
love and time and outpouring. I feel a lot better, you know, I'm glad, well, I sure do love you

1650
01:54:55.520 --> 01:54:59.920
Liberty and sure. Do you have a heart for, for you and your situation, your heart?

1651
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:04.720
for the Lord. Um, I can't imagine being in your situation and being as strong as you are,

1652
01:55:05.360 --> 01:55:09.840
um, and how, and how committed you are to just making yourself available and flexible to the

1653
01:55:09.840 --> 01:55:14.160
Lord to continue to learn and to continue to be, you know, just ask the Lord, Lord,

1654
01:55:14.160 --> 01:55:19.840
how do I be a son? And then I'm while I'm going through this situation and choosing him, um,

1655
01:55:19.840 --> 01:55:27.040
as, as strongly as you are is, uh, is in choosing him over yourself. That is very, very admirable

1656
01:55:27.040 --> 01:55:32.320
and, um, and a great inspiration. So a faith. So anyway, just wanted to commend you for that,

1657
01:55:32.320 --> 01:55:36.240
but always good to get to sit with you. Yes. Thank you so much. Yeah. He's definitely doing

1658
01:55:36.240 --> 01:55:40.960
a big thing. And I know that I can't imagine going through what you can't imagine going

1659
01:55:40.960 --> 01:55:50.240
through without you. So, so very, very, very thankful for the timing and just so evident

1660
01:55:50.240 --> 01:55:55.120
that, you know, you guys care and that the Lord, you know, especially cares and sees,

1661
01:55:55.920 --> 01:56:00.560
you know, and, and knows what he's doing and why he called us to the season, you know, when he did.

1662
01:56:00.560 --> 01:56:08.880
And so, yeah, thank you so much. You're welcome. Good to visit with you. You too, friend. Take care.

1663
01:56:10.480 --> 01:56:11.920
Bye-bye.